#or maybe it is since you feel the need to silence abuse victims for your own ego.

[evan4ever]

Better Than Me

Warnings: Angry distressed Kai, past memories of abuse, smut/sexual indications

a/n: mostly Kai’s perspective, flashbacks, might be kinda confusing sorryyyy

—

It’s been 3 months since Kai ended things with you. It was truly a selfless act, breaking up and kicking you out for your own safety. But it’s Kai, it never comes out that way.

“You don’t belong here”

“You don’t fit”

“You’re a liability”

“You could never amount to what this group needs”

“I don’t want you anymore”

Every word hurt. Sure, you weren’t as good at killing as the rest. You had a ways to go. But you tried your best and you figured Kai would teach you like he did the rest of the members. But instead, he kicked you to the curb. Didn’t even kill you like he would anyone else. Threw you out like you were nothing.

And you spent the last few months picking up the broken pieces of yourself and putting them back together. You never went back, Kai made it clear to stay the fuck away, that he didn’t want to see your face again and if he did, it would be ugly. You knew what he was capable of, so you stayed away at his request.

Kai, on the other hand, was a fucking mess. He was angrier than ever. Scarier. The members walked on eggshells around him. They didn’t understand why he broke up with you only to become even colder than before. If you truly made him as unhappy as he said, wouldn’t that mean with you being gone, he’d be better? Nicer? No, Kai wasn’t capable of being nice, they knew that. But they definitely expected anything but this.

It was late tonight. Kai ended the meeting and everyone went their own ways leaving Kai alone in the basement. Silence filled his ears, and that made his mind race. Memories filled within him. He was at his all time low, he hated everything around him, everyone around him that wasn’t you.

He looked around the empty room, his eyes landing on his empty, unmade bed and his heart instantly aching at the sight. 3 months ago, you would be in it. Ready for him to come to you, ready to take care of him after his stressful day and after every meeting. Now empty and sad looking.

• flashback •

“You’re kidding?!” You gasped in shock while laying in bed, your arms around Kai holding him to your chest while his arms were wrapped around your body.

“Not in the slightest.” He grinned to himself proudly. He had just told you what he had found out one of the members had done.

“And then what?” You urged him to continue while one of your hands fingered through his hair gently, soothingly.

“I killed him, of course. Couldn’t have a big mouth running around the city like that.” He shrugged against your body, snuggling into you more which allowed you to wrap your free hand around him tighter. This was normal for you two, always ending your night talking about the happenings that the day held. You loved hearing him tell you all about his day, and he loved how interested you always were. It was so comfortable that it became a routine.

“Never. How’d you kill him?” You tilted your head, interested in all the details. Another thing Kai loved about you — you wanted to know everything. You wanted to know the most gruesome details and it was empowering to him. Maybe the fact that you talked him up. You always fueled his ego and he fucking loved it.

“My bare hands, baby. The worst way to go, don’t you think?” He moved his head back a bit so he could look up to you, your eyes immediately looking down to meet his.

“Oh yeah. Watching as the man before you holds any air from your lungs, feeling that fear fill your body with every attempted gasp, knowing your life is coming to an end and being dragged out for minutes? The worst.” You explained your take on suffocating, not that you’d know for sure but how you’d imagine it. “And you, watching the life slowly slip away from your victim, the one who went behind your back and threatened everything you’ve worked so hard for? There’s no other way to do it.”

Kai smiled up at you, his head tilting to the side now as he admired his beautiful freak. All he could think was how did he get so lucky? You were never scared of him, and that was a win, because he knew the others were. No, you stood proudly as his side through every kill, every fight, every torture. You were a goddamn godsend.

• end of flashback •

Kai’s jaw clenched hard as he shook the memory from his head, his hands running through his hair and down his face trying to wipe all the feelings that came rushing back. This has been happening for awhile now. He did so good in the beginning, not thinking about you or what he had with you. But as time went by, memories began flooding him and despite his hardest efforts to keep them away, he was no match, and all he could do was keep trying.

He let out a small huff before finally making his way to his desk. He needed to find some documents, that was on his agenda for the day and something that had been discussed during the meeting, so he figured that would keep him occupied considering he had no idea where the fuck he put them last. Most of the important papers and documents and files were always placed on or in his desk somewhere, so it was a start. He began flipping through all the papers that were spread across the top of the desk, picking through them as he eyed each one for the title, but found nothing. He opened drawer after drawer repeating his previous actions, picking through everything within each drawer and slamming each one shut when he still failed to find what he needed.

He opened the last drawer and immediately stood up straight from his crouching stance, swallowing hard as he stared down at what was now in front of him. Pictures. He nearly forgot how to breathe as he remembered taking them and hiding them from you so you wouldn’t take them when you packed your belongings to leave. Each one a picture of the two of you. From selfies you took of you alone, selfies you took with him, Polaroids he took of you, pictures of you two together that someone else, likely Winter, took. They filled the entire drawer alone.

He didn’t know exactly why he took them. He was supposed to let you go, but for some reason he couldn’t bare the thought of not having some kind of reminder of your relationship. He couldn’t bare the thought of you taking the pictures just to throw them away or burn them with your memory of him. So he took them and hid them from you, pretending not to know where they were when you asked before you left.

And now, as he stared down at them, he felt the rage build. He pulled one from the pile and gazed down at it as another memory filled his head. The picture was a selfie you had taken of yourself and him at the mall, your arms around him and kissing his cheek so aggressively. He chuckled at it, remembering how happy he was in that moment. You brought him to Victoria’s Secret so he could pick out a new lingerie piece for you, you wanting him to pick out his very favorite.

• flashback •

“Come onnn..” you urged, pulling him with you into the overly feminine store. Kai groaned but allowed you to pull him and guide him around. He was disgusted by the amount of estrogen the place was filled with, but was happy seeing your wide smile and hearing your occasional giggles. Not to mention, knowing he’d get to fuck you in whatever he picked out later was a bonus. “Okay! Pick anything you like. What do you want to see me in?”

Kai looked around at the multiple sets in front of him, eyeing them intensely trying to imagine you in every piece. Each one sexier than the previous and making him hard just thinking about you in them. “This one.” He grabbed the deep navy blue set, of course being the most revealing. You grinned and took it from him before taking his hand again and leading him to the dressing rooms, entering one while he stood in front of the now closed door. Kai shoved his hands in his pocket and swatted uncomfortable while he waited for you, avoiding any and all eye contact from other females in the area.

“Okay, almost done… okay! Ready?” Kai hummed a response to you, his eyes flickering to the door as you opened it so he could see you from inside. His eyes went wide when he saw you, not yet taking in the set on your body but because others might be able to see you, quickly entering the dressing room and closing the door behind him. You took a step back a bit confused, your eyebrows furrowing while you stare at him. “Wha—“

“Someone could’ve seen you.” He cut you off, almost angrily. You tilted your head a bit, but he continued. “You’re for my eyes only.” His eyes darkened then as they traveled down your almost naked body hungrily, a low groan escaping from his throat. You pressed your lips together tightly while you gazed up at him through your lashes seductively.

“Well then, what do you think? Is this the one?” You questioned, doing a quick turn around for him so he could take in every angle. He watched, his eyes never leaving your body.

“I think I need to fuck you right here, right now” he practically growled, grabbing your hips and pulling you to him only to back you up against the wall, his lips on yours roughly, wasting no time in pulling his pants and boxers down enough to release his member so he could fuck you hard against the dressing room wall, no mercy or care for the other beings that could hear.

• end flashback •

Kai remembered the way you felt, the way you tasted and the way you sounded so perfect. If there was one memory he didn’t want to lose, it was that one. The ecstatic feeling, the adrenaline, and laughing as you were kicked out. He smiled when he thought about the fact that you dressed yourself with the lingerie still on, running out as you were both screamed at. You got a free lingerie set and he got one of the best fucks of his life out of it.

He set the picture down gently on top of the desk over the other papers, sucking in a sharp breath as he rested his palms on the desk and leaned on them. His eyes closed as he once again tried ridding himself of the thought of you, but to no avail. You were stuck there like a sliver embedded in his heart. He told himself over and over that he wouldn’t miss you, but if a lie alone could kill, he’d be dead and buried 6 feet under.

The harder he tried to stop thinking about you, the more memories flooded. Your hair in his face, the way your innocence tasted, the bed he laid in at night getting colder and the constant pretending that he could ever forget you. It was like a tornado in his head at this point, the picture of you in his head finally pushing him over the edge.

The little switch in his mind flipped and Kai lost it, swiping all of the papers and items off of his desk sending them crashing to the floor before grabbing the desk and flipping it easily with a loud thud as it broke into pieces on the ground.

“Fuck!” He screamed, kicking the pieces of wood multiple times before turning and punching his wall, his fist going straight through it. He pulled it back and gazed down at it, his fist now bloodied. His jaw clenched at the painfully good feeling it gave him, immediately throwing his fist into the wall again making a new hole. Then again, and again, and again.

He pulled himself back, already out of breath but needing to break more shit. He grabbed on of the broken legs of the desk and turned around, swinging it into the TV that was placed on a TV stand and sending it flying, beginning to beat the TV stand next before kicking it as well. He grabbed his computer and flung it into the wall with another loud crash, grabbed his nightstand lamp and threw it into another wall next.

Everyone could hear from above him, but no one dared to check on him or interfere, for fear of their life. Not even when you had entered the home and made your way to the basement. Some wanted to object, tell you that you were making a mistake by going down there, that you were the last person he would want to see. But everyone stayed silent and watched you disappear behind the basement door.

You could hear the crashing and the pained screams from Kai. Your heart hurt even though you had no idea what this fit of rage was about, definitely not thinking it was about you. You had came back after all these months because you had forgotten a few of your belongings and it took all this time to get the nerve to go redeem them. You wouldn’t bother if they weren’t important, but you needed them. And walking in on a silent house full of quiet people only sharing glances at one another before your ears filled with the muffled noises from below and deciding to check on him.

You still loved him, therefore if it killed you to make sure he was alright, so be it.

But just as you turned the corner to find him, you were nearly struck with the bedside table that Kai had just throw, a gasp leaving your mouth as you ducked and nearly hit the floor to avoid being hit. You blinked a few times before bringing yourself back to your feet carefully, your eyebrows raising high as you saw the state of the room. Everything was broken. Glass was shattered. And when your eyes landed on Kai, your heart sunk. Both of his hands bloody and bruised. It took everything to finally lift your eyes to his, his already on you.

Though they weren’t angry. They didn’t hold an ounce of anger in seeing you. No, they were full of surprise and despair.

He was broken.

But why? Surely it couldn’t be over your relationship ending. He was the one who ended it, after all.

“Why are you here?” He finally spoke, clearing his throat and recomposing himself so he was standing straight, trying his best to look intimidating. But you weren’t intimidated. You were just worried.

“I forgot some things..” you began slowly, looking around the mess of a room again before clearing your throat and wrapping yourself in your own arms, “I was just going to grab them and go..” you nodded. “Are you okay?” You whispered out after a few moments of silence, Kai’s eyes quickly looking away from yours.

“Fine. Get what you need and go.” He waved you off as he turned to his bed and stood before it. You watched him carefully, deciding to slowly make your way to him when he didn’t move another muscle. He heard your shuffling of each footstep and felt your presence grow closer, and he wanted to tell you not to touch him, to fucking leave him alone, but he couldn’t get it out. He was desperate to feel you.

When he didn’t move or object your closeness, you slowly raised your hand and rested it on his shoulder. He tensed under it, but quickly relaxed and that was your sign that he was allowing you to comfort him. You rested your other hand on his other shoulder and gently rubbed down his biceps and back up. Within some minutes, he relaxed his body more into your touch, allowing himself to lean back into you. You rested your head on his back, continuing to comfort him.

It felt so good to feel him again, and him feel you. The last 3 months have been nothing but hell for you both and this was all you needed. Kai silently cursed at himself for giving in and not sticking to his word. But he needed to feel you again.

You slipped your arms underneath his and allowed yourself to hug him from behind, his head falling back slightly as he held your arms tightly to him. His eyes were fixated on the ceiling as his mind raced, knowing this was the last thing either of you should be doing.

He felt so guilty. You were so good, good to him, good for him — and he was so bad. Bad for you. He knew that, and he hated that you couldn’t see it and he couldn’t make you.

You heard him let out a big sigh but didn’t move from your position.

“You deserve much better than me.” He spoke quietly. You swallowed hard at his words, but only hugged him tighter.

Maybe so. But you didn’t care. You loved him, you needed him.

—

Tags: @evanpetersmood @witchsbitchestime @demxnicprxncess @yes-divine-ruler @shjjpm @evanpsrealwife @iruzias @jangsuzchap @quicksilversg1rl l @submissiveforahsmen @angelmenace @lovelizzie-blog1 @justa19 @daylas-life @simp4petermaximoff @totta69

#Spotify #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson #kai anderson angst #kai anderson imagine #kai anderson ahs #kai anderson smut #evan peters #evan peters characters #evan peters imagine #evan peters supremacy #evan peters x reader #evan peters smut #kit walker #kit walker imagine #kit walker x reader #evan peters fanfic #evan peters requests #evan peters series #evan peters fic #hinder #angst #angry fic #colin zabel #tate langdon #kit walker smut #james patrick march #ahs fandom #ahs cult #american horror story

[itsaspectrumcomic]

This is going to be long but i really want to tell someone the guilt is eating me alive and please feel free to ignore this

I have been suspecting I have adhd from the last six months now because many symptoms do match and some adhd tips help me out a lot

But since i don't have the family or support or finances(I am a minor ) to actually get to a doctor i can't really be sure and maybe i don't have it but since so many things do match i hope it's alright to rant here please please feel free to ignore this

My great grandfather passed away in November but it actually started in September when I got a fracture so I had to remain at home for a month and I am just a lazy person so ofc it was an excuse for me to like stop studying in August I had a big exam and it had went well but at that time i didn't think so

So yeah after a month of fracture comes October my extra classes and school and my innate phone addiction i do t study even tho I have a big exam that month again . I struggle with focus a lot and i just i don't know how to type it's it's so shameful but i just find every minor inconvenience to be an excuse. My mom is emotionally abusive maybeand homophobic or tough parenting but her words had started affecting me a lot .

Then in October end November start my grandfather passed away and it took an obvious toll on me and I don't think I am still over it and it amplified my phone addiction because he used to be in the room beside me so i wasn't ever fully alone even tho he was old and now that he is gone the silence is unnerving and i have to distract myself enough to sleep my October big exam already went to shit

And in December again I am not studying I can't study and my brain refuses to sit still and maybe I have a victim complex but things start to take a toll I start getting some suicidal thoughts which were only passive before but now active

Now from January everything is just the same I am still not able to study

I disappoint myse6and everyone no-one knows i cheat on my exams I just I am not a good person and i am lying to myself and everyone so much and YK the gifted kid thjnv I was a good kid and my mom keeps making comparisons and she says she would never have talked to me if i wasn't her daughter and i am so tired I want to get better but i just don't know how I have trouble sleeping I have trouble studying I can't do anything right i can't wake up in the morning i can't do anything right and I just want everything to end but I do not even deserve to put that pain on my parents and my exams are coming up and I just don't know how how do I do anything

Hello, I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. It sounds like you are and have been going through a lot and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Having trouble focusing or studying does not make you a bad person, and your mum absolutely should not be saying those things to you. You don't deserve that, I promise.

The truth is, losing a family member is hard, dealing with an injury is hard, dealing with emotional abuse is hard, and it takes time to work through things like that, so I'm not surprised you've been having a hard time with school on top of everything else.

It sounds like you could really do with some support. Is there someone you can talk to about how you've been feeling? A friend, a teacher, a counsellor, another authority figure you trust?

(Also if you talk to your teachers about how you're struggling to study, they might even be able to give you some extra help or lessons if you need it.)

Please try not to feel guilty or put so much pressure on yourself. It's ok not to be perfect even at the best of times. Thank you for being here ❤️

#ask #anon ask #adhd #exams #advice #tw depression #tw suicide mention #long post

[bylertruther]

no cause the last anón is so right. I scrapped a 50k byler fic because I actually got worried people might call me weird or a freak like they do others. I was on twitter when the whole fiasco went down and it pissed me off but if you even tried to speak there were so many accounts saying you were “speaking over minors” and calling you a predator/pedophile. So many of my moots deactivated bc of the hate- they eventually started attacking people for their ages alone saying it was weird that 20 year olds theorized and talked about byler. Literally word for word “you’re a freak if you’re 20 and read byler fics. Why are you fantasizing about two little 14 year old boys making out” if they would take a step back and think that maybe people are so interested in this relationship is bc they see their younger selves in these two characters then maybe they wouldn’t say such stupid shit. Anyway sorry for ranting I just have been fuming since that whole thing happened. I just wish they would take a step back and stop and think about why they see a kiss between two boys written and immediately shout creep.

oh no, anon! i'm so sorry to hear about your fic & your experience. i hope you feel comfortable enough to post it one day, if you still want to. 🥺 and don't ever apologize for expressing yourself!

not to be a cunt, but i am a cunt, so, ahem. from the bottom of my heart... fuck them kids. 🫶 i literally do not give a single shit about any of the ""discourse"" they inflict on us all. "speaking over minors" why are you even speaking to begin with, huh? 🤨 why are you buzzing into an adult's space and picking a fight when a) literally no one fucking asked you to, and b) you're just going to cry "waaaaah but i'm a minorrr :(" as if you're somehow the victim in this situation after they dare to defend themselves against your serious and unsupported allegations? be normal or piss the fuck off and do your homework.

and why do people take them seriously? disregarding the fact that anyone of any age can be a shipper & the awful homophobia laced in such rhetoric...

this is the internet. no one owes you shit & the wild web will never, ever cater to you. you need to curate your own space and protect yourself. this is, like.. basic shit. like, bare-fucking-bones basic shit. it's not anyone else's responsibility but your own. they taught me that in school, my parents told me that, and also i have a functioning brain that can come to that conclusion, too. people need to stop pretending like what these people are asking for—which is your silence and your shame—is reasonable. it's not. content gets tagged, there are multiple extensions to blacklist any tags you don't like, some of it gets put behind a privacy wall, block buttons exist, many websites have filtering options, and so on and so forth. there are multiple measures people can take to both find things and avoid them. and a lot of the time, content is something you have to seek out yourself. so, if you don't like it, why did you click on it? why spend any time on it when you could've just backspaced? how is your ineptitude anyone else's problem?

also, people need to stop throwing the words pedophilia, pedophile, and predator around. you're being an insensitive jackass when you do that. someone writing about two fictional characters is not abusive scum of the fucking earth. you're watering those acts down and showcasing your ignorance for the world to see when you throw their names around carelessly. a child predator does awful, sinister, repulsive things to real life people who did not deserve that. someone writing a first kiss or practice kissing fic is not anywhere near that and i'm tired of people pretending like this is an okay thing to say or even think. just shut the fuck up and stop saying those words if you don't actually understand the gravity of what they mean.

another thing: a lot of these people aren't just kids. grown folk fall for the same shitty rhetoric, too. it's all just groupthink and herd mentality. no one wants to get attacked so they just repeat the same shit without thinking about it beyond "protecting" themselves (which is senseless as well because conditional acceptance is not true acceptance, but i digress). this fandom would be in a much better place if people were willing to stand their ground and defend their friends when this stuff happens. it gets worse and worse if you just turn a blind eye to it and fall in line. we're all waking up and finally seeing the consequences of that now.

of course, this doesn't really apply to when you're getting attacked by hundreds of people. that's... just shitty and hard and demoralizing. i'm not victim-blaming, because no one wants to be on the receiving end of that and i know that you can't control what others do.

my argument is that it gets to that point because the fandom as a whole just lets it slide by never holding the right people accountable for their actions. they allow the needless bullying to happen. they allow the rhetoric to get crazier and crazier. they allow people to get fucking crucified for shit that isn't even remotely inappropriate. they reblog posts they don't believe in because they don't want to be the odd one out and get accused of something by someone with more followers than them. it's just... we, as a whole, need to support each other more and put our foot down when shit like that starts happening.

it isn't normal. it isn't okay. it hasn't ever been okay.

like... i KNOW that you KNOW that it isn't weird for them to kiss, for people to want them to kiss, or for people to make them kiss in their creations. i KNOW that you KNOW that it isn't weird for anyone of any age to enjoy a love story of any kind. we know these things. some of us just pretend like we don't online for whatever fucking reason. and i don't get it! i don't get why they would do that and willingly allow this place to become worse for it. you don't get anything good out of that.

also, a lot of those people are being trolls. they get a kick out of attacking people as a group, because that's the only time they feel brave and the only way they get attention in life. they don't think before they say things, because they don't see you as a human being—you're just pixels on a greasy screen. they use catchy social justice lingo to make what they're saying sound like something you should support, but at the end of the day, they're literally just gussying up the same right-wing shit we've been subjected to for ages. it's regressive rhetoric that's clear to see once you've allowed yourself to see it.

like, i agree with you. i do. you're absolutely, undoubtedly right in what you say, but... i just can't bring myself to argue that, because it's in response to what was a senseless attack to begin with. and we shouldn't need to defend ourselves and our communities against what isn't true.

homophobia, bullying, and trolling are irrational, illogical pursuits and i can't stand the idea of treating them with any ounce of seriousness in this context. to apologize would be to accept their absurdity and validate their accusations—accusations we know in our heart of hearts to be incorrect and baseless. and i won't ever do that! i won't give them that satisfaction and i wish others wouldn't either.

they keep doing this, because they haven't met any opposition yet, because we keep acting like we have any reason at all to feel shame for wanting stories about people like us, about something as basic and universal as love and connection. they don't care about our reasons. they don't care about our defense of ourselves. it's not ever about us. this is their cry for attention, good or bad, at our expense and they need to be starved out already.

like.. this is just unsustainable. it's mind-boggling and i remember kicking and screaming about it months ago in what felt like an empty room. and look at where we are now! we're already at the point where you can't win in any kind of way no matter what you do. you can't age them up, you can't leave them as they are, you can't ship them if you're older than eighteen, you can't write AUs, you can't write canon compliance, you can't write canon divergence, you can't make them kiss, you can't make them anything more than friends but you also can't make them not-friends, etc etc. we've officially been shoved into the "fuck it, we ball" stage, because this is a pissy fandom and you are never going to please everyone so you may as well just do whatever the fuck you want.

i sound soooooooo unbearably preachy in this response lol, but like... literally... all we have is each other! we all love byler and we're all here to have fun and find like-minded people. we can't keep acting like this in-fighting lunacy is reasonable and just a difference of opinion, or like it's based in any kind of sense at all. we know that it's okay to ship byler at any age. we know that it's okay to have fun and enjoy ourselves. these people want to make us feel bad. they want to silence us. why let them and give them that satisfaction? why is what they want more important than us and our happiness? i hate the idea of anyone ever feeling any kind of shame or fear over something as innocent as this. i hate the idea of them winning by getting into any of our heads like that. i just hate it.

now, this last bit is specifically for you, anon, but it goes for everyone else, too: please, please, please, i am holding your hand in both of mine and begging you to not let anyone take away the things that you love and bring you joy or your wonderful creations that you've put so much of yourself into. i promise you that there will always be people who will see you, understand you, and cherish what you have to offer, and they are the ones that matter most (after you of course hehe). we all have to find our people and just go crazy together and block out everything else. that's the only way to get through this without getting burnt out. 💛💙

#sorry for the mushy preachy response but you broke my heart anon! and i got mad! and also sad! #i'm tired of pretending like that shit is normal or okay or reasonable WHEN IT JUST FUCKING ISN'T! #KNOW NO SHAME MY BROTHERS IN BYLER KNOW NO SHAME 📣📣📣📣 #sigh. anyway. #asks #byler #long post

[usi-thatdrawingguy]

Hello, I'm echeetoru's close friend and I posted explanation post about their situation. You can ignore me or block, but please, we need to stop this strang conflict.

https://www.tumblr.com/nekfofes/722467797177860096/i-ask-you-to-read-my-post-explaining-some-points?source=share

I am an outsider to this situation, i only rebogged, and commented. I want this to be know. YOU came to ME.

I read this, and all I have to say is. It's a terrible explanation. More of an excuse of eechytooru's actions. And has possible victim blaming. But it did lead me to new information.

"[And why did you realize that late? Doesn't matter]" blaming the victim for not realizing it was wrong, when swaggy was 12-13.

Gaslighting? Hard to tell. Swaggy gave limited proof. I'm not going to claim anything about it.

Trauma doesn't excuse action. Eechytooru having trauma does not give leeway to what they did, and how they handled it afterwards.

Feelings don't excuse, they explain. It explains eechytooru's lack of communication. But doesn't excuse it.

The different time zones and ecchy having school is a valid excuse, and a better explanation. You should've gone with this first.

It was here when I stopped debunking your post and started doing digging on my own. And maybe I jumped the gun too early.

I found out that ecchy was 16 during the NSFW roleplays. Now, it doesn't excuse what eechytooru did since swaagy was 12-13 as well. But eechytooru was also a minor, and was also immature. This would explain a lot of what ecchy did when handling this situation.

Your post is still bad. That post was not a good explanation. You left out critical information that could've helped you but you didn't "stop this strange conflict" you tried to excuse eechytooru's action. This post reads like you don't know what you're talking about, with the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. It looks like this was rushed. English may not be your first language, but your arguments and explations are bad.

What Eechytooru did was bad. Horrible.

Some of their apologies are just to cover their ass.

But I wouldn't fully put the label groomer on them, only partly, as the age gap is 3-4years. More like.. sexual diveant that has a SEVERE lack of understanding, and is severely immature. They fucked up. Majorly. They drew porn of a minors and their own persona. What eechytooru did could even be considered online sexual abuse.

"Forced to make" (more like caorsed)

"View or share"

"Child abuse images or videos or take part in sexual activities on conversations online."

Was eechytooru aware of swaggys age? Swaggy says yes, they were. But we have radio silence from eechy. It's been three years, eechytooru could've grown in that time. I'm sure they did. But they didn't handle the situation properly. If they have grown, they will address the situation and own up.

I will be linking this ask on your post as a reblog so that other people will know.

I do not want to be contacted any further about this information. I am a minor, and I hope my whises will be respected.

- Rude_V

#welcome home #grooming #repost for awareness #eechytooru #important #teenybeeny

[whackacole3]

Your little ego is hurt seeing victims talk about your shitty personalities, isn't it? Bother your small brain to learn about narcissistic abuse before flooding ACTUAL victim support tags maybe? People who deny others abuse absolutely deserve whatever shit representation they get. People's lives are getting ruined and you're here with your "it" pronouns silencing actual narcissistic abuse victims. It's so triggering, i hope the karma hits you like a fucking bus soon. Damn abuse apologist cult.

okay, so if i understand you properly; 1.) you think i’m offended with these silly asks in the slightest??? 2.) you want me to stop using your tags when y’all frequent ours? is that what i’m hearing? 3.) you fakeclaiming the abuse and neglect i went through because i formed a disorder you don’t like, 4.) i’m somehow denying abuse by saying “your trauma is valid and your abuse was real, you’re just using the wrong term”, 5.) transphobia!!! wow. i can’t believe i was transpbobiced on tumblr dot com. odd, huh? 6.) you sent me harm threats for asking to be treated like a human… okay 🤔

1.) i just respond to these asks because i have nothing better to do and i like getting in the “last word” or whatever. i would like to change someone’s mind and open there eyes, but if i don’t, whatever. but still, if you think i actually care or you’ll somehow change my mind, you’re sadly mistaken!

2.) people have been tagging like this for ages. it’s nothing special or unique to me. the day i can scroll through “npd” or “narcissistic personality disorder” without seeing y’all’s posts is the day i’ll stop trying to educate y’all using your own tags. but since that day will never come… neither will my end of the bargain!

3.) this is just… exactly what you claim i’m doing. do you not see the hypocrisy here? i never once said your abuse wasn’t real, just rather you use the wrong terminology for it… yet you come over here kicking and screaming saying my abuse and neglect as a child and teenager wasn’t real? seriously? okay. that makes total sense.

5.) i’m one of the few pwNPD who still have patience for the ones who demonize our disorder and don’t understand it. i always make sure to validate and tell the people reading what they went through actually happened… so you got the wrong fella LMAO

5.) it/its pronouns have existed and been used on people forever, honey. i’m not unique or special for using them. transphobia won’t get you anywhere in life. honestly? surprised you didn’t go for the neopronoun with this little rant. but 🤷‍♂️ it is what it is.

6.) this is just, again, hypocrisy at its finest. i don’t need to explain it to you because you know damn well what you meant when you said it. i’m well aquatinted go online stalking and harassment, so hit me with your best shot.

anyway, hope you’re doing well and obviously feel a bit better because this was emotionally charged. i hope you have a great day! 😊

#cole talks #cole answers #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic pd #narc abuse isn’t real #narcissistic abuse isn’t real

[mjlovescm]

11- Cracked mirrors

Completed, 30 chapters, “Grey” Fezco O’Neill x black fem reader

Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse and Maddy being chocked by Nate.

You weren't sure what was worse, the fact that you and Rue couldn't find Gia or the fact that you missed Rue’s many calls because you were busy fogging up Fezco’s car. Regardless, right now your little sister was nowhere to be seen, not answering her phone and had to be home by ten. As if tonight wasn't eventful enough, you hadn't seen anything yet.

While Jules and Rue walked around yelling Gia's name, you hung around the rides you knew she liked and waited until the riders came out and searched for Gia. Which is how you found yourself at the carousel, watching along with many other people as Cassie rode the horse. Literally.

Fuck, you were never gonna take molly. Being her friend and just a good person, you wanted to warn her somehow, but there was no way for you to stop the ride. And if you yelled her name, you'd be taking the last bit of dignity she had by telling the others watching who she was. Not being able to watch any longer, you forced yourself to walk away and continue looking for Gia. Truthfully you had no idea where to go next, you managed to find yourself around trailer home's and porta potty. Soon you heard a familiar giggle and some type of arguing.

“Calling my mom a cunt. What the fuck is actually wrong with your fucking brains?”

It was Nate.

“I think you're overreacting.”

And Maddy. You hadn't realized what was really going on until Maddy was pushed against on the trailers with a thud and Nate’s hand was around her neck. Chocking her.

“You're fucking dead to me. Fuck you.”

It only lasted a minute, maybe even less. But you still, you stood there in horror, frozen by what you say. Incapable of moving, you felt painfully numb, unable to breath or pull yourself out of this sudden feeling of being stuck. They continued to talk, Maddy bought up the pictures that she saw on Nate’s phone. The ring of your phone pulled your mind out of this blur, and quickly you picked it up. Not wanting to be seen or heard by Maddie or Nate. It was Rue telling shed found Gia and that you all needed to leave now. Your feet started to move, and eventually you'd caught to your sisters.

The walk home was quiet. Sure, Gia and Rue talked, but you just focused your energy on walking and breathing. Ignoring, or at least trying to ignore, the replay of Maddy wheezing as Nate chocked her. It played over and over on an unstoppable loop, and it made you sick. Seeing her like that, all those things you'd been trying to repress all came to surface and the moment you were alone at home you burst into tears. Silence the sound of your sobs by crying into the teddy bear Fezco had won you just a while ago.

Now, what had happened was that morning, Maddy went to school. And Maddy’s first class was intro to Calc in room 202, which unfortunately was in the upper left wing of the school. Now, if it was a normal day, Maddy would have just take off her hoodie. But since Nate chocked her, Maddy woke up three hours early, applied more concealer than a burn victim, and tried her best to cover up. To compound the problem, she also suffered from a drop in serotonin from the Molly she took at the carnival, got depressed, and therefore hadn't had anything to eat or drink the entire weekend. Plus, she actually was on her period.

Ready to leave class in defeat, sure you bombed another calculus test, you went to wake Maddy, who you thought had just fallen asleep during the test. But just like the carnival, everything happened so fast. And soon there were paramedics and police officers, and you were being questioned by principal Hayes about your best friend's relationship.

Truthfully, you could understand where Maddy was coming from. You spent months hiding bruises with makeup and bullshit stories about being clumsy. There was a thick air of shame around it along with guilt, pity, and frustration. You didn't tell anyone what you saw, the same way you didn’t tell anyone how the same thing happened to you. It was far too complex for to explain or reason even to yourself. You just couldn’t do that to Maddy, even though it was probably the right thing to do.

Although it was hard and frankly triggering to watch Maddy be silent and defend Nate with her every breath, you stood by her. Mean mugging, all the lingering eyes that set and stared at her in school. And letting her come over after her and her parents, mostly mom argued.

She said your name in a sob. “I need to come over, like, right now.” She begged.

And a few minutes later, a distraught Maddy was moping in your bed. Still in the same close you saw her in a few days ago. Neither of you said anything because there wasn't anything to say. She’d heard enough from her parents, the people at the police station and those frankly gut-wrenching videos at school. All she needed, all she wanted, was comfort. To know that someone who she cared about was on her side. And you were. You’d always be there for her, and she had always been there for you.

“I fucking love you.” She whispers.

“I love you too.” You tell her as slow tears fall from your eyes. “I always will.”

Next chapter ;)

All chapters :)

#mjlovescm #black fem reader #fezco x reader #fezco o'neill #euphoria

[white-pearls]

Dopamine 18 +

Sakuatsu + Bokuaka

Master list || Chapter 9 || Minors do NOT interact

Nobody is perfect everyone has their flaws. What happens when Atsumu who has one of the biggest rumors at school revolving around him and Sakusa who has a secret he can’t tell anyone. While Akaashi a boy who cares so much about his image but has someone trying to dig up a dirty secret about him falls in love with a boy who seems so far of reach.

TW: drugs, underage drinking, needles, blood, fighting, language, violence, rape?, mentions of being molested, mentions of abuse, ect.

Chapter 10

Walking back to the office took a bit longer than I should of. Due to him having to hide every time he saw or heard the football team. If they ever were to see him it would be game over. He needed a break from everything happening recently. Nothing seemed to be going his way. Maybe life was punishing him for being one of the finest men on earth. Whatever it was it didn't matter, he already had so much going through his head and would like to not get jumped anytime soon. He didn't think he could fight three guys five times his weight. It was also going to save him the embarrassment of losing. All he needed to focus on now is bringing his grades up since his reputation didn't seem like it was gonna go up anytime soon. Walking down the hall he realized he had made it to his destination. This hall was always empty due to it only having offices and meeting rooms for teachers. No student would dare to even skip in the part of the school unless they wanted to be caught. As he stepped forward and reached the handle he noticed it turning before he could grab it. Snatching his hand back he watched how the door opened with a tall male coming out. Black messy hair, broad shoulders, a mean glare looking down at him. It had to be Kuroo out of all people in this school. He looked straight at Atsumu as they stood there with a few seconds of silence looking at each other. He didn't know what was going through this guys mind, he always seemed to have a poker face. Kuroo had always seemed like a sketchy guy in Atsumu's eyes. 

"Miya" someone said making them both turn into that direction. It was Sakusa standing behind waiting for him to come inside.  "Can you hurry up and come in?" He said blankly as he walked back inside. "Erm y-a, on my way!" Atsumu said sliding past Kuroo who didn't let his eyes off of Atsumu until the door was completely shut. 

He could feel how the goosebumps on his body started to fade as he sat down in his normal spot.  What could of he been doing here? He didn't look injured or sick. Could he possibly be that guy from that afternoon that drugged Sakusa? He thought to himself as he began looking through the papers Akaashi had brought in. That couldn't be possible though Atsumu thought to himself. Kuroo wasnt likely do to something like that even if he did everything You could possibly name. Drinking, drugs, hookups, and many more magical things but it didn't seem right. Maybe it had to be someone else. Someone closer to Sakusa but at the same time would try to stay away from the victim.  "Why so quite? Never took you as a person who would use your brain." Sakusa said sanitizing a bed next to Atsumu. Atsumu let out a heavy breath through his nose. "Anyways Sorry about that I didn't think you were going to be here while the footballs vice captain was here." Sakusa said as he typed on his computer. 

"Why was he here?" Atsumu asks as he pulled his tattered chemistry book out of his bag. It looked like it been through hell and was hanging on its last string. Goes to prove how poorly funded the school was that they didn't have the money to replace textbooks. 

"I was just informing him about who had to get drug tested before the next game. We are one of the top schools who are most likely to consume drugs and the county wants to make sure we are playing fair." Sakusa said as he started wiping everything down. His curly hair would bounce every time he would use pressure while wiping a certain spot. Atsumu didn't think he's ever seen such healthy looking hair in his life. His hair was sort of damaged due to the amount of times he had to dye his hair. 

"Oh okay." Was all Atsumu could manage to say before starting his work. He read the sticky note that the teacher had left and groaned seeing all the chapters he had to read and the work he had to do. School truly wasn't for him. Laying comfortably on his stomach on the bed he spread his things around and began to work. He sighed heavily the second he took a look at the chemistry table. So much in one little page. What was even the point of learning this? Looking at the questioned his eyebrows kitted. Why was he looking at math equations? Isn't chemistry all about elements? Shouldn't it be asking what element you breath in? Maybe it wasn't so bad and he was overacting. Taking a good look at the first problem his head began to hurt.

2H^2(g) +O^2(g)

"What the fuck"

What was all of this supposed to mean? He wasn't a fucking chemist to figure out this bullshit. The school had the audacity to believe it's students could preform problems like these. Half of these kids don't even know their own cell number. Letting out sighs and puffs every time he attempted to solve the problem made the other boy want to walk out the door. "I hate this shit." He mumbled to himself as he looked up in frustration to meet Sakusas eyes. He looked at him worryingly probably feeling bad that he was so dumb. "You can't solve simple stuff like this?" He asked as he leaned in to take a look.  "2H^2O(g)" Sakusa said quickly as he sat back in his chair. 

Atsumu looked at him with his mouth open. "How?" He asked not being able to understand how he done it so fast. Then again he had to remember this guy was once in the top 10 students in the school back then. Of corse not anymore due to some undisclosed reason. "Um well they both have ^2 so you... wait why am I even telling you this? Do your work and stay quite." Sakusa snapped as he started going to his file cabinets. 

"Wait no please help me, I'm failing badly and if I want to graduate, I need to pass all my classes this year." Atsumu said begging him so he wouldnt have to return to the shit school.  "I don't get anything out of this so why should I? I already have to spend all day with you." He said bluntly. 

"If you help me pass this semester I'll get out of yer hair quicker!" Atsumu said sitting up. 

Sakusa stood there in silence trying to figure out if it was worth the hassle and apparently it was. "Fine" Sakusa crossed his arms, "but I'm only showing you two equations after that don't ask me anymore." Sakusa said as he grabbed his bag and pulled out a notebook full of papers. "I took chemistry last year and kept all my notes in one notebook because I like to keep all my subjects together." Sakusa said as he placed it In front of Atsumu. 

It was a pretty thick but was really taken care of unlike Atsumu's. Stretching his hand to grab it he was smacked with a pen by Sakusa who glared at him. Rolling his eyes he rested his chin on his hands as he looked at the notebook. "Sakusa Kiyoomi" Atsumu reads out loud making him receive another smack this time on his head. "Do you hate everything I do or what?" Atsumu says. 

"I don't but your starting to make me." Sakusa glares at him. It took Sakusa about twenty-five minutes to show Atsumu how it was done. Atsumu wasn't that big of idiot like other people thought. He was actually a fast learner if he really set his mind to it. That making him quickly finish up his Chem work. The rest was easy for him especially history.  "I'm done Omi!" Atsumu said closing his reading book. 

Sakusa looked at him with a face of disgust. "Don't ever call me that again." Sakusa said. 

"We're going to spending a lot of time together. We might as well start giving nicknames and getting to know each other." Atsumu said standing up to stretch his arms in the air. Then he twisted his body groaning loudly as his back cracked. Sakusa gave him a look that seemed to say , can you be any louder? And yes he could be. Pushing his arms back he let out a moan loudly. "Fuck Omi that felt so good." Atsumu smirks. 

"Your so childish, how about you go to sleep alright?" Sakusa Says as he pinched the bridge of his nose.  "Ya always tell me to sleep! What am I a kid? let's just talk no? What's your favorite color?" Atsumu says as he lays back in bed. 

"Your a real idiot Miya. No wonder you got into the shit your in now." Sakusa said 

"Favorite color Omi." Atsumu decides to ignore Sakusas remarks. 

At first he hesitated on answering not wanting to be part of Atsumus sad attempt to making conversation but he had no choice. He was right about then being stuck with each other for a while now. "Black" he replied. 

"Because it's the color of Yer soul. Right? " Atsumu says in a mocking voice. Sakusa sighs heavily, "I'm going to call the football team here to take you away." He says.  "Wait! I'm kidding Omi."he shakes his hands.  It's been a while since Atsumu has met someone new. Actually he was surprised he'd never bumped into Sakusa in his four years of high school until now. Then again he wouldn't of met Akaashi if it weren't for him being forced to tutor Atsumu for extra credit. 

"I think we will get along very well." Atsumu smirked. 

"I hope we don't." Sakusa reply's back as he began opening boxes he received from the front office. Inside contained boxes of bandaids and rubbing alcohol. 

Next day  "Have you ever though of cleaning up after yourself?" Sakusa asks as he picks up a few candy wrappers from the floor.  "Sorry they must of fell." Atsumu says quickly going to clean his mess. He had forgotten to eat breakfast this morning and ended up getting candy from the vending machines. Hoping it would fill his empty stomach. Though it didn't seem to have worked well. Lazily looking to the fridge he remembered that Sakusa always brought fruit.  "Omi mind letting me have some of your fruit?" Atsumu asks heading to the fridge since he was going to eat it anyways regardless of the answer. 

"Sure." 

A faint nock could be heard making the boys look up to see a petite girl walk in. As Sakausa went to attend his new patient Atsumu sat down and started to eat. Picking out the fruit he deemed good enough to steal. He had many to choose from, watermelon, grapes, apples, strawberries, kiwis, and bananas. Strawberry's are Atsumu's current favorite fruit so that's what he picked out. The bright red sweet fruit was just so appealing to him. Looking up he watched how Sakusa attended the girl. He would ask her simple question like how she was feeling, if she had any symptoms, and if she's eaten.  Now that he thought about it Sakusa never bothered asking him such questions, he was his patient too after all.  Sakusa grabbed a thermometer from a near by drawer and proceeded to put a plastic cover over it.  "Well I'm glad you don't feel bad but I'm going to still take your temperature just to make sure you don't have a fever." Sakusa said as he leaned in to place it in her mouth. Atsumu watched how she gave a small nod and began to blush like crazy. Now Atsumu had to admit she could see why she was blushing even if he wore a mask. Having a young nurse with curly hair, 6'2 feet tall, pale clear skin and a two moles on his face was pretty good looking. The only thing that ruins it is his attitude and face that could never crook a smile even if his life depended on it. Now that he was looking for imperfection he noticed how sick he looked. He had a very sickly pale skin. Maybe he's into bleaching skin? 

"Hey Omi have ya seen my water bottle? Iv seen to have misplaced it." Atsumu says placing the container down and looked under the bed. 

"Kinda busy Atsumu, don't you see I have a patient? Also can you go get something for us to eat?" Sakusa says annoyed as he places a pack of ice on her head because she supposedly had accidentally feel and hit her head on the floor. It's been a long morning for these boys, Atsumu would get his work done sooner than Sakusa hoped meaning the boy had nothing better to do than to bother him. 

"Omi! I can't find it, it's not just a normal water bottle! It's my special one." Atsumu groans loudly clearly desperate to find his bottle. "Also this is yer fourth time asking me to go get something to eat today. It's not even lunch time yet! Cant ya wait a bit?"

"I'm going to kill this boy." Sakusa mumbled to himself as he helped his patient get up and leave the nurses office. The second he closed the door he turned around with his arms crossed. "If you don't find that flask right now I'm going to hurt you. Do you know how much trouble I'll get if anyone found that? Who even brings alcohol to school? Also did you just eat all my strawberries?" Sakusa asks as he looked inside his fruit. 

"Iv been clean for days! I think I deserve a taste of it." Atsumu lets out a heavy sigh. "Also ya look like shit. Yer eyebags are worst than a certain someone I know." Continuing his search for it he decided he should look in Sakusas desk. Maybe he knew how to get him to help. Even if they just started being around each other he managed to know figure out his favorite place to eat."If you help me ill buy you bread from that corner shop you really love." Atsumu says hoping to win him over. Sakusa looked at him to make sure he was being honest. 

"Well I guess I'll help, have you checked in my bag? You like to shove your stuff in there when administrators come by." Sakusa grabbed his bag from the closet and opened it to reveal the silver flask. 

"Life saver!" Atsumu said as he attempts to grab it just to have Sakusa snatch his arm back refusing to give it. "Now what?" Atsumu complains. Sakusa would do this often with the things Atsumu brought. That being weed, nicotine, alcohol, and anything else harmful. 

"Alcohol taste disgusting I don't know what you find so good about this." Sakusa opens the flask and takes a whiff of it. He made a sour face that clearly showed his disgust for it.  "It's like apple juice to me, it even has the color of it." Atsumu smiled as he took it from the other boys hand. "Want some? " Atsumu asks tilting it water falling it into his mouth. Before he could finish it the flask Sakusa grabbed it. If Atsumu were to be honest he would say Sakusa is overreacting and being too protective. 

"You do this stuff outside of school?" He asks concerned. He had an almost disappointed look on his face. 

"Well yea I do but not as much as ya think." Atsumu says as he slouches in the chair. Maybe he was wrong about Sakusa needing help. He acted like if he was in a anti drug and alcohol program. The only time he had seen him on drugs was that one day. Maybe it was a one time thing. Averting his eyes to the other boy who glared at him it made him realize maybe he was the one overreacting. Everyone has done something in this school. It being drinking or taking drugs. Nobody was a saint in this school. 

"When are you going to go buy bread?" Sakusa asks crossing his arms. It was a small habit of his when he wanted Atsumu to do something for him. 

"It's eleven thirty Omi I'll go when it hits twelve." Atsumu said as he took out his phone to see if he had gotten any messages. 

"Why are you so lazy? You never do anything but just cry about being bored and losing your shit." Sakusa said. 

"Hey no need to be all aggressive, what are ya on yer period or sum?" Atsumu says jokingly but the other didn't take it that way. 

"I'm so close to kicking you out Miya." He said pouring the rest of the liquid into the trash bin. "Go now, I'll even give you money." Sakusa said pulling his wallet out and handing him fifteen dollars." Atsumu raised a brow as he looked at his pale boney hand and how it shook. Most likely withdraw symptoms from what he took three days ago. He didn't say anything though and hasn't pried to get any information about the situation yet. He heard and seen how bad withdrawal symptoms were. He's seen Suna go through it various of times but of course craving get so bad to the point where you'll fight anyone for it. Maybe Sakusa needs a bit of space for now. 

"No need for it, ima go buy ya that bread since I promised to buy it for ya." Atsumu said as he patted his pocket to make sure he had his wallet. Walking out he went through the schools back doors. This was the only place teachers wouldn't look for kids because lots of things happen in the back of the school. The amount of times the cops had to come because of activity back there was too much to count. When making it to a fence he looked for the cut up wire area. It was a small whole where students would crawl in to make it out of the school. Crouching down he slipped through it while making sure he didn't get his clothes caught on any loose wire. The trail from now on was a dirt road and woods. He should be exactly behind the bakery if he continued going straight. 

He could remember the first time he had gotten Sakusa a baked good from there. His face light up just from seeing it. It was truly something amazing to watch. Who knew a boy like that could make such a face. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows being there though. There were times they argued and said silly remarks to each other. It reminded him of how he and Osamu would argue but with less physical fighting. Eventually he made it to the bakery and was hit with the sweet smell of bread. It was a small store that not many people knew about. It was practically a hidden gem in their small city. Grabbing some of Sakusas favorite for example the one that looked like a croissant with chocolate filling and others they had yet to try. Atsumu wast the biggest fan of baked goods. Yea they were sweet and warm when out of the oven but he wants crazy for it. Checking out be pulled out his wallet and ended up paying $14 in total. 

On his way back he found a groups of dogs walking around making him stop to pet them. Atsumu loved animals and wouldn't miss the chance to pet such cute adorable doggos. It was a funny looking group that consisted of a golden retriever and two chihuahuas. One of the smaller pups had a full on black coat. "You remind me of my friend Sakusa." He said rubbing its ear. "But yer way nicer." Going back to the office he noticed something big and red Infront of the door. It looked like some sort of sign. Getting closer he read the big bold words that said closed. Closed? What a big joke right? Sakusa must of gotten mad that he took a bit long and is probably trying to pretend he wasn't there. Luckily he knew this was going to happen at some point. Some people could not stand him and he assumed Sakusa wasn't going to be an exception so he snatched his spare key he kept hidden under a pile of paperwork. 

Inserting the key into the whole he quickly opened the door to a dark room. "Hello? Anyone in here?" Atsumu announces his presence as he walks in slowly with the bag clutched to his chest. Nobody answered so he proceeded to flick the light switch on and throw the bag onto the desk next to him. It didn't take him long to see a slouching body in the corner nodding. He was suddenly hit with A sense of déjà vu from not to long ago. Once again it was Sakusa laying on the ground, eyes closed and slowly breathing. Atsumu didn't know what to spay nor what to do. He couldn't just pretend like he didn't see him like this again. Grabbing Sakusa from the ground he threw his arm around himself and carried him onto the bed. His body collapsed quickly as he let go of him. He shouldn't be worried about this right now. First he had to make sure nobody would come in. Walking to the door he locked it and turned the lights off only leaving a lamp in the corner on. Walking back to the spot he was he found his sad attempt of trying to hide the needle and spoon. Grabbing them he disposed of them correctly and made his way back to the boy. He wasn't sure if he should be disappointed or concerned.His pale skin was flushed with a light pink tint, his eyes are half way closed. He watched as his face slowly formed a small smile as he curled up. 

He's seen it so many times in the city they lived in. In Sunas home and the places he decides to do business in. From the conversation he had with Suna, he knew addiction wasn't something easy to over come. Even he hasn't overcame his own addictions. Two years ago he remembered sitting behind his door as he heard Suna banging on it. Begging to be let in so he could have some. His friend and him made a deal that he would keep his drugs as he went through withdraws but it didn't end well. It hurt Atsumu too much to hear him crying and begging for it. He gave in eventually and let him in. Even if the process was painful he will make sure to not make the same mistake with Sakusa. 

He may not know him as much as Suna but he was willing to help out anyone who really needed it. 

He sat next to the bed watching how Sakusa nodded. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there but it must of been a while since he started coming to his senses. Leaning over him he saw as he squeezed his eyes shut before slowly opening them. 

"Good mornin my favorite hypocrite." Atsumu said as Sakusas faced shifted from a tired one to a shocked one.

#sakusa kiyoomi #sakuatsu #miya atsumu #akaashi keiji #bokuaka #haikyuu!! #haikyuu series

[tim-hoe-wan]

I’ve waited a day later so I people would calm down and think it over. Do you think there’s any redemption for Olivia? I will always be warry canceling a woman over a video after the Taylor snakegate and since Olivia is a clear victim of misogyny as well. Can you tell us how your colleagues in the industry feel? I just feel so conflicted so it’s all coming from Shia. Why did Olivia even take a video instead of simply texting wtf

I think major parts of this question have already been answered in a previous ask, but I’ll reiterate.

I’ll start with the last question. Olivia is a narcissist. You could simply smell it in the air cause she doesn’t know how to hide it. The problem is, she’s also dumb af. She doesn’t think she’ll get caught that’s why she’s leaving these crumbs of evidence. High likely she thinks as Shia is hated by everyone, he’ll never retaliate. But the problem is, Shia is also a huge narcissist, but a smart one. The email he sent will always be creepy but shows that this man is eloquent and knows how to control a narrative without sounding like they ate a thesaurus. A man as manipulative as that will never go down without brining other people with him. Moreover, this man really has nothing to lose and is known for his theatrics. It’s stupid to think he’ll be one who’ll silently let his narcissistic ass be trifled like that by an enabler. The man clearly waited until his redemption tour and the perfect time to strike. That said, it needs to be said a thousand times that Shia is the worst one in all of this and does not deserve redemption or sympathy. The woman was just outplayed at her own game.

I don’t know about redemption, Olivia could release a video later to show she did fire Shia or whatever. But again, why did she even give Shia a platform and even beg for him to come back!? He had a very public violent outburst with Mia Goth. That was years before FKA Twigs released her statement. Shia is not someone who hid the fact that he’s a POS. I cannot give Olivia the benefit of the doubt because someone of her tenure and status would already know about this. She is the same as every other celebrity, a clear enabler as long as it benefits them. The worst is that she’s a complete hypocrite by masquerading herself as a feminist and someone who stands against abuse. No matter the reason for her making sending that video statement to Shia, if she really stood against abuse she would not have given an abusive coworker a job and moreover, beg him to come back.

Her infantilizing Flo and the clear condescending tone does not strike well and is the main emotional outburst of the gc. My friends always look at their tenured female coworkers as someone who will protect them. Maybe it’s the idea that these women could not be as worst as the men as they are after all, victims as well. Maybe it’s the comfort we look for in mother or older sister figures. But a lot of their experience include two faced cunts, enablers or women with clear generational gap believing since they sucked it you should too. It’s one thing when a woman is clearly vile, but some of their worst experience are with women who present themself as their friends only to double cross you when it benefits them. This is true for any industry, the difference is in hollywood they get the benefit of fame and accolades for being hypocrites. Flo is very clearly a woman of her generation and ScarJo pointed it out well. Whatever excuse Olivia has, Flo’s silence and backing out of the promo speak volume, especially knowing Flo can’t help but respond to every false tabloid drama involving her.

Olivia IS a victim of misogyny by Harry stans. This does not change any of that. Shia is still an abusive POS. However, Olivia could have avoided all this by just not lying to up herself and profiting off of another woman’s abuse. She got outplayed by someone clearly smarter and more despicable than her. No one, not even the harries, told her to lie to tmz and variety. That was her own doing right there.

[imbeingstalked98]

You want honesty?

I want to be able to have an opinion without having others point it out as a way to define me. I absolutely hate how they destroyed my connections with others and called me a "covert narcissist" just because I'm able to understand their hardships, or I am willing to listen. Coming from someone that has been harassed, neglected, physically and mentally abused, you think I'd want to constant be put in the victim position? No, but I want others to stop being abusive. I'm able to consider and care for others because I don't want them to feel the pain I felt.

I don't want to know other people's private lives where it is too personal to bare unless they need me there for them. Does anyone really understand what it means to lose a friend that was going through a lot in life, I miss my old best friend a lot, and I've lost him because of this. Does anyone understand how it feels to be constantly silenced when you're right about something, or gaslit, and they see your misery and pain as a joke.

I am not a celebrity, everyone is dishonest, but things like this cause people to lose their sanity. Exposed to a repeating stimuli from sociopathic strangers that are sadistic as fuck. I'd say I wouldn't want them to experience it out of vengeance, but I want them to experience to understand how it feels to lose joy in music, to lose joy in the things you love, to hate the sound of your name, to wish you can change your whole face, and no longer dress the way you used to.

I hear more people mimicking me for being "so tired" if you dealt w the same frustrations and harassment and you were suicidal every minute of the day you would lose all the energy you had to live life. I used to romanticize my life, maybe a little too much. I wish I still had that spirit in me to enjoy it.

I am a hard person to relate to or understand, bc I will push away family that I had a lot of painful memories with, I hold grudges if I never gotten the apology for the abuse that was inflicted. And if you carry these grudges for too long you turn into the person you hate the most. Dishonest and full of hate. Just because I seemed very happy before its bc I have bipolar disorder. I don't think there will ever be a chance for me to improve my life as much as I improve myself.

I used to think being considerate and caring and generous I would get good karma, and not to be gifted back but just to be appreciated. And, when you give too much of yourself away, the people you cared for don't care if you have nothing left, especially since they've enabled it. I may be filled with a lot of hateful memories, but I will always have room for love in my heart. I used to think it was fine to be the one to get pushed over, to work harder so it would make everyones else's lives easier, so when it was my turn in my personal relationship to be taken care of it felt really nice, that at least, even one person's love was enough for me to live for.

There is just too many obstacles, and they say "let go of what you can't control" does that mean I have to let go of my life? Things are getting far too deep and dark for me to have any chance in reviving my life.

[fivedollarradio]

For the record, I don’t want it to look as though I’m trying to “own” anyone by posting pro-Amber Heard content. I wouldn’t even say I’m posting pro-Amber content as much as I’m pushing back against the sexist meme-ing of the trial which has been appalling and will achieve nothing other than make it even harder for victims of domestic abuse to come forward. It makes far more sense that a coddled Hollywood man-boy is abusive than she crafted some sort of Gone Girl scheme to take him down. Even if she’s “the real abuser,” that’s not what has to be proven here, just that HE is. Abuse is about power and I think there’s more than enough evidence to support that. If he wins his case, you all can call me an idiot or a victim-blamer, or in denial that “abuse happens to men to” or whatever else you need to justify yourself; I’m effectively done with this mess.

I think both of them think themselves to be the victim, but believing women as your default position isn’t a bad thing. At least statistics will be on your side. The pro-Depp stuff has been triggering -- maybe that isn’t really the right word -- frustrating, disappointing, whatever. If I were in her place, I’d be a “bad victim” too, so maybe that’s where I’m coming from. I don’t know how other women can participate in the shaming other than, I guess, being secure in the knowledge that they are not “bad women” themselves. You know, it took me over a week to write that first post. I don’t like that. I work things out by writing about them, and I don’t like feeling stifled. I’m low value here. I don’t mean in a self-esteem way, but I don’t have a lot of followers, I don’t interact with many people but I like the good rapport I have with those I do and this was one of the few times I’ve felt really silenced, like, jeez, do I really want to screw up the place that’s become my escape for the past few years? Over Johnny freaking Depp? And I’ve probably gone overboard with the links since, but I think it’s important. Maybe someone got something out of it.

#if this seems dated it's because i've been sitting on it for three days

[nahoyas-nymph]

BROKEN WHISKEY GLASS

Summary: The only thing Sanzu loved more than drinking or doing drugs was drinking and doing drugs. Well, he claimed to love you more, but that's up for debate.

Content Warning: Dark Content - Domestic Violence - Blood & Injuries - Fighting/Arguing - Playing The Victim - Drug Use - Drinking - Overdose - Needles - Manipulation - Gaslighting - Abusive/Toxic Relationship - Mentions Of Death

Pairing: Sanzu x gn!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

BROKEN WHISKEY GLASS

SUNDAY, 7:48 AM 

It was dead silent as you paced around the house. You didn’t realise this was because you’d been tiptoeing, nor did you know how long you’d felt the need to walk on eggshells in your own home. But as hard as you tried to be quiet, it wasn’t enough; it was never enough. 

The gentle bang of the bathroom door closing was all it took to disturb Sanzu’s sleep. Stretching out the muscle aches from his precarious sleeping position on the couch, he decided a bed would’ve been a much more ideal place to rest, and started making his way back to the room. 

You froze as he walked straight towards you, but - by some miracle - he kept walking, not yet seeing any reason to stray from his original goal of getting to bed. Actually, he didn’t see you at all, since he was still preoccupied rubbing the sleep out of his bloodshot eyes. You let out a sigh of relief which, for some reason, left you feeling a bit light headed. Had you been holding your breath that whole time?

Unfortunately, holding your breath a little longer might have done you some good, because that sigh of relief was what brought your presence to Sanzu’s attention. And, just a few steps shy from the comfort of the bed he’d been so focused on, Sanzu paused his venture, and shifted his priorities in favour of you.

“G’morning, sweetcheeks. Didn’t see ya there,” 

It was clear by his composure and flirty smile that he wasn’t at all thinking about the events of last night. Which is why it felt so genuine when you watched the colour drain from his face once he managed to get a clear look at you.

“Holy fuck, what happened?”

There was an air of urgency in the way he rushed over to you so he could examine your face closer. His hand was shaking, and there was the slightest hesitation as he tried to brush his thumb against your swollen cheek. But there was no hesitation in how quickly you pulled away, maybe too quickly. Sanzu should’ve at least tried to connect the dots, but he didn’t think too hard about your reaction. He was more concerned with how this happened in the first place.

“Talk to me, darling, what happened?”

But his pleas for an explanation were still being met only with more silence. He paused for a moment to think about his next question.

“Did… Did someone do this to you?”

You nodded your head feebly in response, redirecting your gaze to the floor, nervously awaiting his next question.

For a moment, rage was the only thing Sanzu felt. He was seeing red as dark as the dried blood dripping from the side of your forehead. He would’ve killed whoever did this to you. But, considering the nature of his job, he’d no doubt killed people for less. Whoever did this to you deserved a fate far worse than death.

“Who did this to you?”

His words formed a question but it sounded more like a demand. Even so, you still didn’t want to give him the answer. You tried to think of a way out of this, to tell him what he wanted to hear. But Sanzu wasn’t a patient man, and he could tell you were stalling.

“I’m not playing around, sweetcheeks. I need you to tell me who did this to you, now.”

You responded not because you wanted to but out of fear for what would happen if you didn’t. And without time to come up with a plausible lie, your only option was to tell him the truth.

“You.”

You whispered in hopes he wouldn’t hear you. But he did. You watched as salty water droplets started to trickle onto the ground at your feet. This came as somewhat of a surprise. You had cried so much last night you didn’t think you had anything left in you. But the suspense of awaiting Sanzu’s reaction was nerve racking enough to get the waterworks flowing again.

This time it was Sanzu’s turn to be silent. You’d figured by the sincerity in the way he asked his question that he had no memory of last night. But, unbeknownst to you, that one, three letter word had sparked a chain reaction in Sanzu’s subconscious. And, in a matter of seconds, all the memories of last night’s events came flooding back to him.

SATURDAY, 11:28 PM 

You see, the only thing Sanzu loved more than drinking or doing drugs was drinking and doing drugs. Well, he claimed to love you more but that was up for debate. Especially when you’d scream at him with tears staining your face night after night. He couldn’t hear you. Partly because he didn’t care enough to listen. Mostly because his ears were ringing and everything sounded muffled. 

This feeling was familiar to him. It was one of the first signs that he’d overdosed again. The second was the unbearable dryness of his throat. His breathing became heavier. A shaky hand reached out in front of him in search of something to quench his thirst. His vision was fading but he assumed the frantic blur of movement and muffled cries he could faintly make out were you.

Sanzu’s patience for your theatrics was growing thin. Doing his best to ignore you in favour of his splitting headache, his fingers soon wrapped around the nearest glass which he brought to his lips without a second thought. Much like his vision and hearing, his sense of smell and taste were both out of whack. Which is why he didn’t realise what he was drinking until he felt the tell-tale burning sensation as it trickled down his throat.

It was at this point when Sanzu accepted his fate. He’d resigned himself to the fact that drugs were eventually gonna kill him a long time ago - and he was okay with that. If this was his time to go, at least he was going out doing what he loved; getting cross-faded. He let his head tilt back as he sank into the couch cushions. A lazy smile adorned his face and he shut his eyes in bliss, in an attempt to savour the soothing buzz pulsing through his veins. He knew he was dying, but at least it felt good. The only thing left to do was to wait for his vital organs to shut down.

That’s when something pinched him. He was so numb he thought it was a mosquito, which led him to lazily slap the unidentified disturbance away. But, judging by the way the mosquito let out a pained yelp, it wasn’t a mosquito. And judging by the needle sticking out of his thigh, he figured the ‘mosquito’ was actually you.

He tried to stay calm, he really did, but that really fucking pissed him off. His fist went white from how hard he was gripping the now empty whiskey glass still in his hand. With his other hand, he removed the needle from his thigh so he could confirm you didn’t just give him what he thought you just gave him. 

Granted, it took him a few tries since he depth perception was fucked. And once he did manage to acquire the needle, the tremor of his hands combined with his blurred vision made it impossible to actually read the label. But he didn’t have to. He recognised that bright orange sticker instantly. You’d injected him with naloxone.

He groaned at the realisation that he now only had a few minutes left to enjoy his high because you had to go and ruin it. Initially, he was shivering from the coolness of the warm air which the heater you’d turned on was blowing at him, but now he was just shaking with rage. 

Pure, unbridled, rage. He didn’t know why he was so angry. And he didn’t know exactly what he said when he screamed at you. And at the time, he didn’t feel the glass fly out of his hands. Or hear it shatter. Or see exactly how deep it had cut you.

But judging by the way you were looking at him right now. He knew that was precisely what had happened.

SUNDAY, 7:49 AM 

It only took a moment for Sanzu to relive last night's events. Needless to say he was still confused. That can’t have been what happened, right? It must’ve been a dream. He scoured his surroundings in search of a sign. Something to prove his innocence. But instead, his eyes landed on the most incriminating piece of evidence possible. Because, left shattered by the couch, was a broken whiskey glass.

“Oh.”

After all the screaming, crying, and pain the last eight hours had brought, the indifferent hum of acknowledgement Sanzu provided in response to being faced with the outcome of his actions was pathetic at best.

“What do you mean, ‘oh’?”

It was the first time you managed to look him in the eyes since he hurt you. Sure the injuries you sustained from your boyfriend’s little ‘episode’ hurt, but what hurt more was his inability to care.

“Well I guess it’s okay then, ‘thought I’d have to teach some poor guy a lesson for crossing me.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. After being ‘accidentally’ assaulted by the same man who was supposed to protect you, somehow he still saw nothing wrong with what he did. As if the sentiment behind the theoretical act of defiance towards him was more important than the fact that you had actually been violated. Because, God forbid someone dare to disrespect Sanzu by hurting his significant other. Unless Sanzu himself is the one doing the hurting. Because then his pride is no longer on the line, thus making it okay.

“We’re done.”

Your tone was serious, yet devoid of any real emotion. Because, much like Sanzu, you didn’t have it in you to care anymore.

“Huh?”

It honestly blew your mind that Sanzu had the audacity to act surprised. 

“We. Are. Done.”

You emphasised every word, hoping this time it would actually click.

“Stop it. That’s not fair.”

Sanzu’s once calm voice became stern.

“How the fuck is that not fair!?”

Similarly, yours started to grow angry.

“You can’t blame me for shit that happened when I wasn't sober. Wasn’t my fault. I don’t even fucking remember it. For fucks sake, what you want from me!?”

And that’s when you snapped. Sanzu’s words hit hard, shattering the tough facade you wore. First there was silence. Followed by the sound of whimpering, which soon turned to gentle sobs.

Sanzu watched as you cried. Seeing you like this made it impossible for him to stay angry. He almost forgot how cute you looked when you cried. Realising you weren’t gonna stop crying any time soon, he slowly inched closer to you until your head was resting on his chest, allowing him to hold you tight. You looked so helpless like this. Maybe he could find it in his heart to forgive you. As long as you stopped getting mad at him for stupid shit like this.

Gently rubbing circles on your back, Sanzu tried to find the right words to get you to stop crying all over his shirt.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry, sweetcheeks. It’ll never happen again, okay?”

Sanzu was good at that - telling you exactly what you wanted to hear. You looked up at him with tears in your eyes which threatened to fall. You felt pathetic for giving in so easily, but at the same time, you really needed this hug. Still sniffling, you held out your right pinky finger.

“Promise?”

He gave you a weak smile, using his thumb to wipe away your tears before linking his pinky with yours.

“Promise.”

A/N:

if you’re gonna do opiates, pls do ‘em responsibly. always carry naloxone, it could literally save a life :)

yeah, i don’t have much else to say this time, lol

NETWORK: @transcribersnetwork​ 

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers angst #tokyo rev #tokyo rev angst #bonten #bonten angst #sanzu #sanzu haruchiyo #sanzu angst #sanzu x reader #sanzu x y/n #sanzu x you #tokyo revengers fanfic #tokyo rev fanfic #bonten fanfic #transcribersnetwork #why are you reading these?

[polyghostfacehours]

Gn!reader getting into a serious argument with poly!ghostface or taking a break from them..? I don’t really see any angsty stuff like this, if you could call it that.. ack just imagining their individual reactions makes me so giddy lmao idk how to explain it

Decided to combine these 2, since they fit so well! And I agree, their reactions are fun to imagine!

So I give you:

Soft Angst Prompts 3: Don't fucking touch me.

TW: ANGST, mentions of mutilation, homicide, very slight domestic abuse

All Wrong - Poly!Ghostface x GN!Reader

---

Wrong, wrong, wrong. This was all wrong.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing right now. Billy's glare moved like molten rock across your face, and you feel like you'd combust on the spot if you kept staring back. To his left stood Stu, leaning back against the kitchen counter. His head was turned to the side and away from you both, his face uncharacteristically blank.

You thought that they'd stop. They promised they'd stop. Woodsboro didn't need a sequel and you thought you'd finally gotten through to them awhile ago. Evidently not, if the news breaking of Billy's father's death was anything to go by. Mutilated, torn limb from limb, cock cut off and stuffed into his mouth. Cheater written in blood on his forehead.

But that wasn't what had pushed you over the edge. What really pushed you over the edge, really fucked you up, was the other casualties: his new wife and her 14 year old son. Two innocent victims who did nothing but enter the lives of Hank Loomis. Their deaths were merciful, a slit to the throat each, but it didn't matter. No one should die for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"You don't understand Y/N. You never truly ever fucking understood." Billy spat out and you wished he'd poured acid over your heart instead. Your eyes glide over to Stu desperately, and when he notices and turns his head to meet your gaze, you see that his blue eyes looked blank and remorseless. You realize that maybe...maybe you really hadn't ever understood.

Searing hot anger consumes you like a flame, and you decide to pour gas on it. You say shit, horrible shit, and Billy yells shit back. Stu stays painfully silent for once, letting you two duke it out verbally. Before long you're in each other's faces, tears streaming down your face and wetness glistening in his eyes. He shoves you back. You fall.

There's a moment of stunned silence and you're breathing heavily, staring up at him. You jump back up to your feet to go and push him back, because the audacity of this bitch, but before you can Stu finally intervenes and locks his arms around you as you attempt to spit venom.

"Don't touch me!" you yell, still struggling and not even bothering to look at Stu, who is now attempting to shush you as he buries his face into the side of your head. Billy hadn't moved at that point, staring down at his hands. You don't know if he was feeling guilty for shoving you or if he was wishing he hurt you more. If he wished he had instead plunged the kitchen knife laying no more than a couple of feet from him into your throat or ripped out your jugular with his bare hands.

He lifts his head up to look at you, his face blank but red, and tears finally falling in large droplets down to his chin. You had stopped struggling, opting to just sob silently, your head hanging pitifully.

"You knew how we were. Stop blaming us. You knew." was all he could shakily state before spinning on his heels and leaving your shared apartment with the slam of a door. Stu continues shushing you, and he pulls your slackened body over to the couch to sit down with you as you let the rest of your desperate cries pour out.

It felt like forever before you calmed down. You look up at Stu to thank him, but stop when you notice the spaced out, contemplative expression on his visage.

"Stu?..."

His eyes snap to yours and you expect a grin and a snarky comment about how intense that all got. Instead, you got a deep sigh.

"Y/N. I think we should take a break."

Your heart sinks at the harsh and tactless words, and you wait for him to elaborate. He doesn't.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, you're right." you croak out, unable to look at him anymore "We need some time away from each other..."

You knew that was for the best. Take a break for some time, reconvene when you've all had a long time to think about what you need moving forward. You try not to think about what would happen if they would decide they no longer wanted to be with you.

Stu must've noticed your trepidation, because he brings his large hand over yours and squeezes gently. You look up at him - finally, he has a small, albeit visible, grin on his face. You give a tiny one in return, relief at his smile flooding into your heart, and squeeze his hand back.

He stands up, letting your hand slide slowly out of his. It felt cold now.

"I'm...gonna go and find Billy. Check on him. Unlike you, he's a little less..." he starts gesturing and you give a short humorless laugh as you understand what he was getting at and finish his sentence.

"Stable?"

"Yeah..."

Another period of silence encompasses you two, and eventually with a soft bye, Stu leaves to go find your third.

You sigh and lean back on the couch, the dried tears on your cheeks making your skin feel tight and a headache beginning to pound on your temples like a steel drum. You close your eyes.

You had a lot to think about.

#billy loomis #stu macher #billy loomis x reader #stu macher x reader #ghostface #ghostface x reader #poly ghostface #poly!ghostface #billy x reader x stu #billy loomis x reader x stu macher #slashers #slasher imagines #slasher x reader #slashers x reader #poly ghostface x reader #poly!ghostface x reader #stu macher x reader x billy loomis #billy loomis x you #stu macher x you

[hotch-stufff]

hiii 47 and 7 for angst hotch

i love ur writing btw <3

Drunk

gif by hoe-tchner

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Warnings!: mentions of abuse, stalking, and death, past abusive relationships, normal criminal minds things, angst, crying, pining, but a fluffy ending

Promtps: Angst #7 "Are you drunk?", Angst #47 "You flinched"

Author's Note: Thank you so much <3, hope you enjoy reading!!

---------------

In hindsight, it probably wasn’ the best idea to get drunk at a bar. Especially alone. But you weren’t exactly thinking straight when you had stepped off the jet after a long case. And it had been a LONG case. Nearly a week of going through the same evidence over and over again scouring for a lead. Finally finding a lead, and coming to a dead end. 

The eventual lead that you did catch, led to the unsub already standing over her next victim’s body. At least you got a full confession. But you had been the one that had found the unsub. If that wasn’t enough, this case had already been hitting way too close to home. 

A woman was murdering victims of domestic abuse to “save them” because her mom was never “saved” from her father’s abuse. She had grown up watching it. Her victims had all had y/h/c hair, with y/e/c eyes. The same height as you, same style, just overall very similar. The only difference the team saw had been that you were never abused. At least that was what your file had said.

You had been able to keep it on the low for as long as you had been at the BAU. But you were terrified one of them would figure it out. That you would flinch at the wrong time, or you would do something to give it away.

You had gotten lucky and no one seemed suspicious. You ended up hiding in the back of the jet, curled up. No one bothered you. They all assumed that the case had just hit you harder. The one thing you hadn’t known though was that Hotch had been keeping a very close eye on you.

You two had become close, and would often hang out at each other's apartments. Spending tjme just talking about nothing and everything for hours. He had quickly become one of your best friends. You always went to him when you were upset.

But tonight, you just needed to get away.

Which is how you found yourself in this bar, downing your fifth drink. In the back of your mind, you knew that you wouldn't be able to drive home, or even walk without tripping over your own feet. You needed to call someone, and your drunk self called Hotch. While the phone rang you checked the time. 3 am. He was going to kill you.

“Hotchner.” You giggled drunkenly at his formal response.

“Why so serious bossman?” He recognized your voice immediately. 

“Y/n? Are you okay?” 

“M’great. Havin a blast.” You slurred.

“Are you drunk?” He asked and you giggled again.

“Mayyybe.” You slurred, concerning Hotch even more.

"Where are you?”

“Mabel's I think. But let me tell you. I think you need to come get me because there is no way m’drivin home.” He huffed as you heard noise coming from the phone.

“I'm on my way, stay there!” But you hung up. You were so excited to see him. Truth was you had definitely developed a crush for the man. Telling him that was going to be difficult, mainly because of your past, but also because he was your boss, and about 12 years older than you.

You waited for about 10 minutes before you heard the door ring as it opened and Hotch ran inside, frantically searching around. He found you and was quickly at your side.

“Y/n, are you okay?” You nodded sleepily. You always did get sleepy after your sixth drink. He gave you a concerned glance before reaching for your arm. You flinched slightly, but Hotch didn’t say anything about it. He picked you up because there was no way that you could walk, and carried you out to his car. 

“You’re staying with me tonight.” He had said once on the road. You lazily watched  out the window as buildings went by. 

“M’kay.” You mumbled. Hotch sent you another concerned glance. Something was wrong, but he couldn't quite figure out what. Usually when a case hit you hard, you would spend the night talking with him. He had been surprised when you hadn't shown up at his apartment. Even more shocked when you had called him drunk. He cared about you and it hurt him to see you like this.

Soon he found himself pulling into his driveway. He parked and quickly ran to your side of the car to help you out. He opened your door, and reached his hand over to unbuckle you when suddenly you shifted back. Your arms came up as if to block a blow and a whimper escaped your lips. 

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I promise!” You let out, sounding much more sober now. Hotch stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. 

“Y/n, it’s me, can you hear me, its Aaron?” You moved your arms from your face, peeking out wide eyed. You pulled your arms the rest of the way down. 

“Sorry Hotch. That was just, um, that w-was-” But he cut you off.

“You flinched.” He paused looking at the tears in your eyes, realizing that he needed to get you inside before you broke down in the car. “C’mon, let's go inside.” You bowed your head and nodded. 

“Okay.” You said softly. He helped you out of his car slowly, and walked you up to his apartment. Once there, you plopped on his couch, sobering up for the conversation you knew was going to happen. He walked in the room, a glass of water in hand. He handed it to you, sitting next to you. he waited a few moments before beginning the inevitable conversation.

“Y/n, why did you flinch?” He asked hesitantly. He didn't want to push you, but he was concerned and he wanted to know. So you told him. Every detail, every heartbreaking moment. The bruises, the scars, the hospital trips. Everything. The reports, the disbelief, the arrest, the divorce. Then the even worse parts. The escape, the stalking, the attack, the death. Every little thing. You could feel the tears falling down your face as you spoke about your ex-husband. 

Hotch sat as he watched the beautiful woman sitting in front of him break down. He didn't know any of this, none of it was in your file. He knew that Strauss had to know though, because you never would have been accepted without background checks and psych evals. 

His heart broke a little more every time you shared another detail. On one side it felt so nice to get it off your chest. On the other hand, it was weird opening up to Hotch like this. He was seeing so much more of you than you had ever allowed anyone since your husband. He sat in silence once you finished speaking. 

“Y/n. I'm so sorry. You never should have had to go through that.” And the tears came even faster, until they were silent sobs. Hotch, well he was more Aaron in that moment, brought you into his arms holding you tight, bringing you a comfort you hadn’t felt in a long time. “Shh, shh. It’s okay. I’m right here. It’s okay to cry.”He silently whispered into your hair. You looked up at him then, sighing softly at the beautiful man before you. 

“Thank you Aaron.” He loved the way his name sounded coming from your lips. But before he could tell you, he looked down to find you asleep in his arms. And that's how he stayed until morning. 

                       * * *

The next morning you awoke to a strange bed, with strange sheets, in a strange room. But one sniff and all you could smell was Hotch’s cologne. You soon recognized that there was a warm body behind your own, an arm wrapped around your middle. 

You almost didn't remember what happened last night, but once you did, you began to panic. What if he hated you? What if he was disgusted by you? He probably had just pitied you.  

He must have felt you shift, because he was waking up. His arm tightened around you, and he leaned up looking you in the eyes. He saw your panic and was alert rather quickly for someone who had just woken up. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked quickly, eyes scanning you frantically. 

“You must be disgusted with me.” You paused taking a deep breath. “I'm sorry Hotch. I ruined your night and then cried all over you with my pathetic life story. And you probably just pitied me. I'm sorry.” He shook his head. 

“Y/n, look at me.” You looked into his eyes. “I am and never will be disgusted by you. I am amazed by you. You are so strong and beautiful and you never deserved a thing that disgusting man did to you. I don’t pity you, not at all. All of this has just made me fall more in love with you than I already was.” You looked at him wide eyed.

“You love me?” He leaned a little closer.

“Of course I do. It's impossible not to.” You dared closer still as he moved a piece of hair from your face. The loving gesture warming your heart. 

“Thank you. For everything. I love you too Aaron.” And he sealed your lips. It was intimate and explosive at the same time. And in the most cliche way, fireworks exploded as you kissed him. 

You moved together passionately. Your noses bumped ever so slightly as he kissed you deeper than you had ever been kissed. He was an amazing kisser, to say the least. He broke away a moment later, smiling down at you. 

“Give me a chance to show you what real love is, what it's supposed to be.” You nodded.

“Of course Aaron.” And you kissed him again, sliding your hands around his neck into his hair. It was the happiest you had been in a very long time. 

So in hindsight, maybe getting drunk wasn’t such a bad idea after all. 

---------------

Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If i don't get to yours, I'm sorry!! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

#aaron hotchner x reader #imagine #angst #fluff #hotch x reader #reader insert #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #aaron hotchner imagine

[honeypiehotchner]

Version of You (Hotch x Fem!Reader) — one shot

Call 1-800-799-7233 if you think you are in danger/a victim of domestic violence, or visit this website for resources, live chat, and more (for the USA). This is a link to the wikipedia page that has international resources. 

(I wanted to put that first because this fic deals with an abusive relationship and some scenes show the abuse. If you relate to any this, please seek help via the resources above. I want desperately to say my DMs are open, but for my own mental wellbeing, I have to let you know that the resources that I give above are about all I can do to help. You’re welcome to DM me if needed, but please know that it might take me a minute to reply, and I still will point you in the direction of resources that can better help you. I love and support and am with every single one of you, but I can only do so much through a screen xx.)

This is 100% a comfort fic, but I am safe and okay, I promise 💛 (Truthfully, this was really therapeutic to write.)

Small note: mental and verbal abuse is depicted here, not physical (though it does come close), but I wanted to remind you that just because abuse isn’t physical doesn’t mean it’s not harmful or real. Mental and verbal abuse is still abuse.

Summary: Hotch helps you find the courage within you to end your abusive relationship for good.

Warnings: depiction of an abusive relationship, verbal/mental abuse, violence (domestic and otherwise), angst, happy ending

Hotch Masterlist

Aaron is stunned and disappointed to find you’re still at your desk when he walks out of his office at the grand hour of 8 p.m.

You don’t even hear his office door open or close, but you do hear his footsteps on the stairs. By the time he reaches your desk to say goodnight, you’re already attempting to cover up any traces of emotion on your cheeks.

But Aaron is a profiler. On top of that, though, he’s one of your best friends. He’s known you for six years now, and given how much time the BAU members spend together on cases, he’d argue he knows every single person here better than they know themselves.

You’d agree. You hardly know who you are anymore. But somehow, Aaron knows. Aaron can see.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, already setting his bag down, already pulling a chair over, already sitting next to you.

You’re ready to tell him it’s nothing, to tell him to get home to Jack, that it isn’t important — but it is.

You’ve been with your current partner for almost eight years. Anyone would hear that and ask if marriage is on the horizon, or children, or something of the sort. But not Aaron. Because Aaron can see the pain in your eyes.

Truthfully, he’s seen that pain in your eyes for the past two years. Maybe more.

But recently, it’s gotten worse. A lot worse.

You’re on a “break” with your partner. Whatever a “break” even means, because you still receive phone calls and texts from them all day. You send the calls to voicemail unless you absolutely aren’t doing anything, and the texts you reply to with one word.

Going home is fine because your partner is gone — for now. Work called them away, so you’re home alone for at least another three days, but you expect they’ll want you to pick them up from the airport.

You’ve never longed for a case the way you’re longing for one right now.

This “break” has been easiest because your partner has been gone. You know if they were here, it wouldn’t have been a break at all.

“It’s made me realize that I...I want a break. A real break.”

“You want to break up,” Aaron says it for you, knowing you’re too afraid.

Your hesitant nod confirms this for him. “I do. I think I really do.”

Aaron has known the relationship hasn’t been the healthiest. You don’t open up about your personal life that much at work — you never have — but it has always been telling that you never go out for drinks with the team. And when you did, you’d have to answer texts every ten minutes. Your partner never accepted an invite to join the team for drinks or dinner, but would often get angry at you for being out, as if you hadn’t tried to invite them.

Raised voices, broken glass. Not a single hand was ever laid on you. No, instead, it was a wine glass your mom gifted to you when you graduated college when your partner was angry that you had gone out for drinks with the team after a difficult case. A coffee mug you gifted your partner for their birthday faced the brunt of their anger when you didn’t reply to a text message fast enough — because you were parking your car in the garage. Plates, picture frames. A coffee table once, three years ago. It had been a house warming present.

But they’ve never hurt me, you always argue — only with yourself. No one knows the truth, that you clean up after their outbursts, that you’re grateful to have some knowledge of first aid so you can tend to your cuts from the broken glass, or so that you could stitch up your partner’s hand with ease, because hospitals are expensive and the excuses you’d have to fabricate even more so.

They always apologize. Which is true. Apologies are frequent in your house. Sometimes verbal, sometimes in the form of flowers either on your desk at the BAU (that only Hotch seems to notice with a sad smile) or left on the counter at home. Sometimes, rarely, a fancy dinner and some gift, usually a necklace.

“If you need any help at all,” Aaron says, looking you in your eyes, carefully, intently. “I’m here. For anything.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. Your stomach rumbles loudly in the silence, making you chuckle awkwardly.

“Hungry?” He jokes, but is half serious. “I was planning to get something on the way home, if you’d like to join.”

You think it over for a moment. Your mind immediately jumps to say no because you think your partner is home...but they aren’t.

“Sure,” you say. “Why not. What’s on the menu?”

You gather your things and Hotch waits patiently, rattling off some ideas for food to eat until one grabs your attention.

Your phone buzzes with a text. Where are you?

Aaron notices your change in posture with a sigh. “Is that them?”

You nod slowly. “Asking where I am.” You quickly type back, Still at the BAU.

The reply is almost immediate, as always. Just checking. Love you.

Relief washes over you as you type back, Love you too.

Aaron doesn’t like what he sees. The panic that surges through you just from a text message, making you stand up straight, hold your breath, clench your jaw. Then the relief that relinquishes you when a reply comes and it isn’t negative for once. The sudden changes, the way your emotions are yanked back and forth. He hates it.

But he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he says, “Ready?” And waits for you to smile.

+++

Hotch really doesn’t mean for dinner with you to turn into somewhat of a routine. But it does.

It’s brought more smiles to your face than Hotch thinks he has ever seen in the past six years. And for that, he doesn’t regret the dinners.

Neither do you, until the worst thing that could possibly happen ends up happening one night, three weeks since the first dinner.

Your partner is going out with friends, so you think you’re in the clear to get dinner with Aaron. And when your partner asks where you are again, you say you’re still at the BAU. You were, but you and Aaron were in the elevator to leave when you sent that message.

The two of you grab dinner at one of your favorite spots, at a table outside because the weather is perfect, the sky is clear, and stars are beginning to show. It’s magical. Until it’s a nightmare.

“Well, well, well.”

The voice sends shivers down your spine. They’re supposed to be out with friends.

Aaron automatically stands, shoulders squared and face set. He’s wearing his gun, and you are, too, but you’d never use it on your partner. You can’t say the same about Hotch, though, and that terrifies you.

“Babe,” you say with a smile, and Hotch tenses, hearing the pet name fall so easily form your lips. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going out with your friends?”

Your partner crosses their arms over their chest. “And I thought you were still at work.”

“We are,” Hotch speaks up, startling you. “We’re discussing a case.”

Your partner looks around, raising their eyebrows. “I don’t see any papers.”

“Because we went digital five years ago,” Hotch replies coolly. “But aside from that, a federal investigation is none of your business.”

You swallow thickly, waiting for your partner’s reply.

But to your surprise, they only nod. “I understand, sir. I was only checking.”

Hotch holds back a scoff, but instead returns the nod. “If you’ll excuse us.”

Your partner holds their hands up in surrender. “Of course.”

“I’ll see you at home,” you say quickly. “Love you.”

“See you at home,” they reply, making you frown as they turn and walk away.

When you look back at Hotch, you nearly scream. It takes everything in you not to make the hugest scene right there, outside this nice restaurant, underneath these stars.

Your phone buzzes. One hour. Do not be late.

“Y/N—”

“Don’t,” you say quietly. “Just. Don’t, Hotch.”

+++

The next day, you knock on Hotch’s office door, twenty dollar bill in hand to pay him back for your dinner last night. You left in a hurry and didn’t get to pay. Thankfully, at least, arriving home with forty minutes to spare saved you from an even worse reaction from your partner.

“For dinner last night,” you mumble, sliding the twenty across Hotch’s desk. “Thank you.”

As you turn on your heel to leave, Hotch calls out to you. “I’m sorry.”

You sigh. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Aaron says, making you turn back around. “I hope you’re...alright.”

You’re so very far from being “alright” that you almost laugh. Instead, you shrug. “It’s been worse.”

“Did they hit you?”

You’re too shocked to move. “What? No! Why the hell would you even say that?”

“Because I’ve been worried about you.”

“They have never laid a hand on me,” you snap. “Ever.”

“But they’ve come close,” Aaron says gently. “You know they have.”

You only scoff. You feel hurt. Insulted, even, that he would assume something like that. Your relationship with your partner is rocky, of course, but never physical abuse rocky. Never that bad.

But has it come close?

Sure, maybe you’ve felt the wind off a beer bottle when it grazed by your head on its way to the wall. Maybe you have had to duck to avoid getting glass to the face. Maybe.

Maybe they have come close. Closer than you want to admit.

But they’ve also loved you. Held you while you cried. Rewarded you after you cleaned up the broken glass. Left you flowers and jewelry and love notes.

They love you. Don’t they?

“It’s fine,” you whisper, blinking back the stubborn tears that have jumped to the front of your eyes. “They love me.”

“Love isn’t violent,” Aaron replies gently. “Love shouldn’t make you as terrified as I saw you when you left last night.”

“I know,” you choke out. “But I don’t know what to do.”

Hotch is rounding his desk and gathering you in his arms before the first tear slips down your cheeks. He holds you while you cry, letting you get it all out.

“We’ll figure it out,” he whispers, resting his chin on top of your head. “Don’t worry.”

+++

It all comes to a head a few nights later when your partner springs a question on you. The question.

There, standing in the bathroom, you’re too stunned to speak.

“What d’you say, baby? Let’s get married, you and me.”

You don’t reply. You toss the makeup wipe in your trash can, flick the light in the bathroom off, and walk out into the bedroom.

“Baby?” They ask.

You’re facing the dresser, halfway to setting out a pair of pants for work tomorrow. “I...I can’t.”

“What?” Their reply is immediate and angry. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t,” you repeat, refusing to change your answer. “No.”

By the time you turn around, they’re standing up from the bed, arms crossed over their chest. “What did you just say to me?”

“I said no,” you say firmly. “I’m not marrying you.”

“And why not?”

“I—”

“Are you seeing someone else?”

“What?”

“Your boss? Are you fuckin’ him?”

“No!”

“Then why won’t you marry me?”

“Because I don’t want to!”

You’ve never raised your voice back at your partner. They’ve always been the one to raise their voice, and you stayed silent, tried to talk them down, be the quiet voice of reason.

But not anymore. You’ve had enough.

“You don’t want to?” They scream. “It’s been eight years and now you don’t want to. You’re fucking him, aren’t you?”

“I’m not,” you say through gritted teeth. “But I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

“Baby…” They sigh, stepping closer, lowering their arms. “Why not?”

“Because,” you reply slowly, backing up. “Just because.”

“That’s not a good enough reason and you know it.”

“It’s good enough for me,” you say. You step to the side and keep backing out into the hallway, getting ready to run if need be.

“Where are you going?” They all but growl. “What’s wrong with you?”

You’re scaring me, you want to scream, but you don’t. “I’m fine.”

“You’re fine? Well I’m for damn sure not fine, I’m heartbroken,” they seethe. You see the tell-tale signs that they’re about to get angry — angry enough to start throwing things. You realize in a moment of horror that a paperweight is within their reach.

And they reach for it.

“Don’t,” you murmur, freezing when their fingers wrap around the glass. “Put it down.”

“Why?” They ask, calm as ever. “Don’t you want to see what you’ve just done to my heart?”

You shake your head slowly. “No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, no!” Your reflexes have gotten better since being at the FBI, and you duck right in time. The paperweight crashes against the wall behind you, shattering, denting the wall, and covering the couch in fine pieces of broken glass.

“See what you’ve done!” Your partner screams. “This could’ve been easy! You could’ve said yes!”

You spot your car keys on the counter next to you, and when they turn their back to you to grip at their hair, you slide the keys off and into your pocket.

I have to get out of here. It’s a thought that you never have. Normally by now you’d be vacuuming up the glass on the couch, apologizing every five seconds, pouring them a glass of whiskey or a beer or something. But not now. Not anymore.

You’re a few steps from the door when your partner notices. “Where the fuck are you going?”

“Nowhere,” you freeze. “Go take a shower. Cool off. I’ll clean up this mess and then we can talk about this again, okay?”

They almost don’t accept your offer, but after a second, they nod. “There better be a beer waiting on me when I get out.”

“Of course,” you smile.

Your smile makes them suspicious, but they turn and head into the bedroom without another word.

Shaking, you turn to the closet to grab the vacuum, turning it on and beginning to suck up the glass off the couch.

But when you hear the shower curtain pull closed, you escape, leaving the vacuum running.

+++

It’s pouring down rain, you aren’t wearing any shoes, and you’re knocking on your boss’s front door. Can your life get any more pathetic?

When Aaron opens the door, he’s practically hauling you inside and out of the rain.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asks, already leading you down the hall toward the bathroom. “You’re shivering, we need to get you out of these clothes — you aren’t wearing shoes, fuck, Y/N, what happened?”

“They asked me to marry them,” you choke out. You aren’t even crying. You haven’t cried yet at all. “I said no. They almost hit me.”

Aaron feels a dangerous surge of anger course through his body. “Did they hit you?”

You shake your head, and it turns into a full-body shiver.

“Okay,” Aaron says, taking a deep breath to ground himself. “Okay, let me get some clothes for you. Do you want to take a shower?”

You shake your head again.

“Okay, that’s okay. I’ll be right back.”

You sit, shivering, on your boss’s toilet for a few minutes before he returns with clothes. A t-shirt and pair of sweatpants of his. Old ones, he says, they don’t fit him anymore. You smile slightly when you realize the shirt is from his college, the sweatpants from his law school. No wonder they don’t fit him anymore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” you say. “I—I think I left my phone there.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that. Just get changed and get warm. Do you want some tea? Anything?”

“Just some water, please,” you murmur. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he smiles.

After he leaves, you change out of your wet clothes and into his shirt and sweatpants. You carefully hang your wet shirt and shorts over the edge of the bathtub, hoping that’s okay.

You venture out of the bathroom and follow the noise into the kitchen where you find Aaron putting up dishes.

“Hey,” he murmurs, straightening up. “Do you want ice with your water?”

“Um, sure.”

The sound of ice clinking into the glass makes you flinch, and you’re grateful Aaron’s back is turned away from you.

“There you go,” he hands you the glass.

“Thank you.”

You sip it quietly while he goes back to putting up the rest of the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Once he finishes, your heart is still racing, now with guilt from coming here unannounced. What if he was on a date? What if Jack was here?

“The guest room is all yours,” Aaron says softly. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

You nod slowly. “I don’t know what to do.” You pause, rubbing your thumb over the condensation on the glass. “But I told them I’m not marrying them. But I...I didn’t tell them I was leaving. Or where I was going.”

“Good, that’s good.”

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s not. They’re gonna be mad. I can’t— Oh my god, I can’t go back. Not alone, they’ll—”

“Hey,” Aaron shushes you, walking around the counter to get to you. “Don’t worry about it right now. We’ll figure it out. I’ll go with you. You won’t be alone.”

“Thank you.”

+++

The next morning, you and Aaron head into the office early so you have time to grab your go-bag and change into your work clothes that you left in there.

Thank God for having a job like this where it’s normal to have a few changes of clothes, a toothbrush, deodorant, and anything else you need in a duffle bag under your desk.

You and Aaron are the first people in the BAU, so you’re able to grab your bag and head to the bathroom to change without any questions. Once you return, you stuff the bag back under your desk and sit down, ready to bury yourself in reports for the day.

But before you can, Hotch calls you into his office.

“What’s up?” You ask when you step into the doorway.

“We didn’t eat breakfast,” he says, and that’s when you notice the two coffees and muffins sitting on his desk.

“Oh,” you chuckle. “I completely forgot.”

“Me too,” he smiles. “Here, sit.”

The two of you eat the breakfast in silence, but somehow you don’t mind it. You’re not in much of a talking mood, anyway.

Rossi arrives next and stops by Hotch’s office, not at all surprised to find the two of you eating together, though he does join with his coffee a few minutes later. The silence vanishes with Rossi, leaving laughter in its wake as he tells old stories about Hotch.

When the rest of the team arrives, they follow the noise to Hotch’s office, and soon you’re surrounded by your family. Your real family.

Once eight-thirty rolls around, you all begin to disperse, back to your respective spaces to start working for the day, and everything feels normal.

And then, in a matter of seconds, it isn’t.

The second your eyes land on your partner standing down in the bullpen, you fall to your knees, scaring the shit out of Hotch.

“What happened?” He blurts, kneeling down to you. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you shake your head. “No, no, no...No, Hotch, they’re out there.”

Hotch doesn’t need their name. The fear on your face is enough.

About this time, you hear Derek’s voice growing in volume. The most you can make out is, “Put...down…!” And that’s when your blood runs ice cold.

You pat your right hip, hoping, praying, your weapon is magically there, even though you know it’s not. You put it in the safe when you got home last night. You didn’t have time to grab it before you ran out and drove to Hotch’s place. You left it there, in the safe, because you never think twice about it since it’s locked away.

But now…

“Don’t do this, man,” Derek yells. “Put. It. Down.”

“Where is she?” Your partner yells. “Tell me where she is!”

“I’m not telling you shit until you put the gun down,” Derek says, firmly. You’re frozen in place, on the floor next to Hotch’s desk as you listen.

“They have my gun,” you whisper to Hotch. “I didn’t think they— I don’t know how they knew the code, I change it every week, I thought—”

“Hey, hey, don’t worry,” Hotch shushes you. “You stay here. Do not move. Try to get under my desk if you can.” He pauses. “There’s an extra pistol underneath. I want you to grab it just in case.”

You nod, but then a memory of last night grips you. “No! You can’t go out there!” You hiss, gripping Hotch’s arm.

Outside, you hear Emily’s voice adding to Derek’s, trying to talk your partner down. It’s a scene out of a horror movie. Straight from your worst nightmare.

“They already feel threatened by you, they’ll just shoot you the second they see you.”

“Not when they already have five guns on them.”

“Let me come with you,” you offer.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Aaron, I have eight years of experience talking them down. I know what I’m doing.”

Hotch doesn’t like that you’re right.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You nod. You’re shaking all over, but you still nod.

“Okay. Crawl over and grab the pistol from my desk. Tuck it in your waistband, on your back. Go now.”

You stay low as you crawl over, finding the pistol strapped underneath his desk on the right side. Once it’s tucked in your waistband, you stand, facing the window. Hotch stands too, with his back to the blinds, and thank God they’re closed.

“Is she in there?” You hear your partner scream. “Is she with him?”

“Shit,” you mutter. “Shit, shit, shit, they’re gonna fucking kill me.” You hate that the possibility is very real. They have your gun. They could shoot you the second they see you. You’re not wearing any protective gear.

“No,” Hotch replies. “I’m not letting that happen.”

“Come out here, you lying bitch!”

Hotch looks ready to kill your partner himself.

“Babe?” You call out, putting on a false tone, the same one you always use when talking them down. “Babe, what are you doing here?”

You step into the doorway, feeling another frozen chill of fear shoot straight down your spine. They look crazed. Insane, even. Worse than you’ve ever seen, worse than last night, worse than the last eight years.

“Don’t babe me,” your partner seethes, but the gun is still trained on Derek.

You know it makes no sense, but you want them to turn the gun on you. Not Derek. Derek can’t be hurt because of you, not like this.

“Put the gun down,” you say, trying to stay calm and sweet, the way you usually have to be at home.

“I’m not listening to a damn thing you say,” your partner yells, and then the gun turns on you. “There he is.” The gun isn’t aimed at you. It’s on Aaron.

“Put it down,” Aaron’s level voice floats through the terror roaring in your ears. “I won’t ask again.” He shifts and you realize then that he has his own weapon trained on your partner.

“You won’t need to. Come out from behind my fiancé you coward.”

“She’s not your fiancé,” Hotch says. “And you won’t shoot her.”

“Want to bet on it?” Your partner lowers the gun slightly, now pointing it straight at your chest. Strangely, you don’t feel any panic surge through you. It’s telling. That even now, your head is telling you, they won’t hurt me, they never hurt me before.

“Don’t do it,” Derek yells. “I will shoot you, man. Don’t do it. You have six guns pointed at you right now. Do you really want to do this?”

The metal of Aaron’s pistol bites into your lower back when you shift on your heels. Your arms are frozen by your side, too afraid to reach for the gun.

“Put it down,” Rossi yells.

“You’ve got five seconds,” Derek adds. “Don’t make me get to one. Five. Four.”

Your partner’s fingers twitch on the trigger. Aaron catches the movement. Nods once when Derek says three. And on two, Derek pulls the trigger before your partner can do it first.

A broken scream rips from your chest when the bullet lodges itself in your partner’s side, your gun clattering to the ground. Derek steps forward and kicks the gun further away, out of reach.

Hotch lifts you around your waist and pulls you back into his office, kicking the door closed with his foot.

You’re numb to everything as he sits you down on the couch, wrapping his arms around you as you finally sob, letting out every scream that you’ve been holding in.

+++

Your partner is taken to the hospital to be treated for the gunshot wound.

Hotch tells you they won’t stand a chance at being acquitted, too many charges looming over their head already without the addition of domestic violence. You hardly hear his words, but you nod like you do.

He takes care of you while the commotion outside struggles to calm down. A blanket is wrapped around your shoulders, you hug a pillow to your chest, sniffling every few minutes as fresh tears cascade down your cheeks. Spencer brings you a mug of steaming tea that you barely manage to thank him for. Hotch thanks him properly for you before softly shutting his office door.

For months, you’ve been thinking about leaving them. For so long, you’ve wondered what life might be like without them. Now, you don’t know a thing.

You don’t know what to do. Where to go. Will you have to testify in court? If you do, will you have to talk about the...abuse? The abuse that you can barely bring yourself to label blatantly as abuse even though Aaron, your brain, everyone screams at you that that’s what it is — abusive behavior.

When you were a teenager, and even in your early twenties, learning about signs of abusive, unhealthy relationships, you never thought you’d end up in one. You thought surely you’d recognize the first signs and get out of there.

But instead, you did exactly what they said most people do. You brushed them off. You thought, oh, they just love me deeply, that’s all. They want what’s best for me, that’s all. They want me to be safe and protected, that’s all.

And that’s lovely, but there’s a difference. Between caring and controlling.

You never thought the difference would be so hard to see.

“Come on,” Aaron’s soft voice pierces through your thoughts. “Let’s get you out of here.”

You blink. “Where?”

“Wherever you want to go,” he replies gently. “Your apartment?”

Immediately, you shake your head. But then you pause. Because aside from your apartment and the BAU, you have nowhere else to go.

“Would you be comfortable going back to my apartment?” He asks. “I understand if it’s uncomfortable. I’m sure Garcia or Prentiss would be happy to let you stay with them, and I’ll gladly send them home with you.”

As much as you love Garcia and Prentiss, you strangely feel more comfortable with Aaron. After all, Pen and Emily don’t— or didn’t know about your partner’s behavior. Only Hotch knew.

“If you don’t mind, I’m...I’m okay with your place.”

“I don’t mind at all,” he smiles. “The guest room is yours for as long as you need.”

That makes you smile, though the expression feels foreign on your lips. “Don’t you have to stay?”

“It can be dealt with tomorrow,” he replies. “The paperwork will still exist tomorrow at eight a.m.”

“Okay,” you accept defeat. “Can I take this blanket?” You don’t like the idea of this weight leaving your shoulders.

“Of course,” he says.

You fall asleep in the car.

You didn’t mean to, but you were exhausted. And by the time you woke, Aaron had already carried you into his apartment. Startled, you gripped his arm a little too tight, but he shushed you carefully, letting you know you’re safe, he just didn’t want to wake you because you were sleeping so soundly.

He set you down on the guest bed where you tried and failed to get some rest last night, but now, you sleep like a baby.

+++

Months after the incident, the guest room at Aaron’s apartment has become your temporary home.

You still haven’t been back to the apartment you owned with your partner — even though their name is on the lease, not yours. You went once with Aaron to pick up your clothes and anything else important, but it was a quick trip. You were desperate to get out of there.

Aaron didn’t like what he saw. The broken glass, the dents in the walls. The way your body language changed immediately. Your unwillingness to return there is fine by him.

It’s a slow, uphill battle as you begin to heal. Your partner still sits in jail, awaiting their trial date. You know you might have to testify, but you know your team might have to be there as well, so that makes you feel better.

Aaron has been incredibly respectful of your space. You were the one who brought up the idea of carpooling to work, one of you driving every other day, to save on gas for the both of you. He had assumed you wanted to drive on your own and always have your car — which is true, but you didn’t mind riding with him.

He’s the only one your terrified brain doesn’t seem to be scared of.

And you’re not complaining. You’re grateful to feel a small ounce of safety after feeling every sense of unsafe for the past eight years.

+++

Your ex-partner’s trial comes and goes in the following three months. You did testify, along with the rest of your team, the verdict is guilty. Life in prison.

You wept on the steps of the courthouse from the sheer relief of it all.

“They’ll never hurt you again,” Aaron had told you and you didn’t believe him for one second.

Still now, as you know for a fact they are sitting in a prison cell, you have a small fear. But you think you always will.

You continue “rooming” with Aaron — that’s the best way you can think to put it — and you’ve come to really enjoy the weekends when Jack comes over. At the start, Aaron would try to take Jack out to the park to give you time alone, or you’d go spend some time with Penelope, but after a while, you started staying. And after a little while longer, Jack started warming up to you, and expecting your presence.

One weekend, you hear Jack and Aaron playing in the living room while you’re in Aaron’s office, trying to get some work done. And halfway through signing your name on a piece of paperwork, you hear Jack “whispering” to Aaron about you.

“Do you like her?” Jack whispers, but it definitely comes across as more of a soft shout.

Aaron’s eyes widen, and he presses his index finger to his lips. “A lot,” he says, but you don’t hear him — though you were straining pretty hard.

“Me too,” Jack giggles. “Is she your girlfriend?” He teases, poking his dad with his Lego sculpture.

Aaron pokes his son back with his own design. “No, buddy, she isn’t.” Again, you can’t hear him, but Jack’s question made your heart hammer in your chest.

You know you’ve had some feelings begin to develop because truthfully, they were blooming months ago, back when you began having dinner with Aaron. But then everything happened, and you still loved your ex, and things got too complicated.

Now, though, seven months out from the start of it all, the feelings are still there.

Aaron hasn’t made any moves, so you’ve kept silent. You don’t know how much of his good deeds are simply out of his own kindness. And you certainly don’t want to mistake it for something it’s not.

But kids pick up on things adults try hardest to hide.

You continue with your paperwork, listening to them continue to play.

It’s not until after Jack goes home to Hailey that his question is brought up, and it’s only because Aaron asked what was bothering you.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it,” he says. “But I’m here if you do.”

He’s always here. That’s what made you have a crush on him in the first place, years ago. He’s always there for anyone who needs him.

“I heard you and Jack earlier,” you start. “When he asked if I’m your girlfriend.”

Aaron sighs. “I’m sorry. I think it’s just confusing for him because to him, living together equals relationship since all he’s known is me and Hailey—”

“I’d like to be,” you interrupt his nervous rambling. “If that’s something you’d like, too.”

He blinks a few times, then smiles. “You…” He pauses. “Are you sure?”

“Aaron, I’ve liked you for so long and never said anything—”

“I’ve liked you for so long and never said anything,” he counters. “You’re serious?”

“Very,” you whisper.

When he kisses you, it’s what you’ve longed for all this time. It’s exactly what you’ve been yearning for. It’s exactly the kind of love you know now that you deserve.

Recovery has been messy, and will continue to be messy for some time, but you’ll have Aaron next to you every step of the way. Always.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner one shot #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner fluff #tw domestic violence #tw abuse #criminal minds #version of you song fic #criminal minds songfic #aaron hotchner songfic #version of you #hotch x fem!reader #hotch x reader #hotch x you

[tacticaldiary]

hi :) could I request for a drabble (or hdcs, if you're more confortable with it) with dazai and a reader (neutral pronouns maybe?)who is victim of mental and verbal abuse from their family?

feel free to ignore my request if you're uncomfortable with this.

btw I wanted to say that I love your posts, wish u a good day/night <3

Recovery

Pairing: Reader x Dazai Osamu

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Trigger Warning: Mentions of verbal/mental abuse

Dazai’s more than willing to help. It just means he’ll have to work his way to make them used to love and compliments. Maybe even cause a little ‘accident’ for the people who hurt them...

Hiya! Thanks a lot!

Masterlist

Dazai's a smart guy...well, that's a bit of an understatement. They should've known that it wouldn't take long for him to figure it out, especially when the two started dating.

It doesn't make it any less daunting when he confronts them about it, however.

"You know..." he says one day, when the both of them are sitting on the couch, their head on his chest, cuddling and watching a movie after a day of work. "You're beautiful." He feels them stiffen in his grasp, before relaxing, almost forcefully.

"Yeah, yeah." They say, tone light and dismissive. Dazai frowns and reaches over to the remote, pausing the movie, causing them to look up at them, confused.

"Well, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, darling." He tilts his head, meeting their eyes. He leans down and presses a kiss to their forehead. "You're the most wonderful person I've gotten the pleasure of meeting." His smile is soft and little cheesy.

"Thanks..." They shift in his grasp, eyebrows furrowed.

Finally Dazai decides to bring it up. The compliments, though he meant them with his entire being, were to just confirm his theory. Tightening his arms around them, he shakes his head, shifting so he's facing them.

"You don't have to worry about anything around me. I'd love you, no matter what you've been through." He says, unusually serious.

"...What?" Their eyes are wide in disbelief and slight fear, they squirm a little, trying to get free. He doesn't let them, holding them to him, almost protectively. Their struggle is put to rest with a utter of their name. It was half-hearted anyway. They felt safe, the most they've ever been in Dazai's arms, and the bastard surely knows that.

"You never seem to really accept any compliments, and you have little to no self-confidence." He says, to which they wince. It wasn't untrue.

"Dazai-"

"You rarely tell me what you want, Y/N. It seems to all be about what I want, and although I love the sentiment-" he smiles a little, "I'd hate myself if I didn't take into account your happiness and needs." He gently brushes his thumb against their cheekbones, the small gesture making their heart ache. 

“I-...” They swallow, eyes darting around the room nervously. They could tell him. It had been so long since they’ve told anyone and it would feel so so good to get it out. 

A hand gently gripping their chin, guiding their face towards his, has them meeting eyes “Eyes on me, love.” His patient smile makes them break, and their arm comes up to grab his own, almost grounding them, something to remind them of his presence. 

They take  deep breath and with a slightly shaky voice start talking, telling him everything. Their family life wasn’t...great. From the mental and verbal abuse, to to how their self-esteem was viscously torn down from years and years of victimisation and hurtful words, once they start, they can’t seem to stop. Each word out makes their chest lighter.

By the time their done, they have a death grip on his hand, body shaking and Dazai has a death grip on his temper. 

He tells himself that his mafia days are over, he tells himself over and over again that he’s a new man, that he can’t massacre an entire family for what they’ve done to this person he love so dearly. 

There’s a few minutes of silence, before they feel themselves being crushed into a hug. Their hands grasp the back of Dazai’s jacket and they bury their face into his shoulder.

“Well, it’s a good thing you have me now, huh?” His light tone doesn’t match his grip on them. When he pulls them apart gently, his eyes soft and a small smile on his face. 

“I’ll be your family, the. Who says you can’t start over?” 

Tears burn at their eyes and they nods furiously, throwing themselves back into an embrace. Dazai gladly obliges. He knows about new families and starting over, a little too much that he’d like to admit. They stay there or a while, before Y/N pulls away, sniffling.

“Thank you...” They say, to which Dazai nods. 

“Always. I love you.” The words are easily reciprocated and Dazai leans in again to press a kiss against their forehead.

“Now to start my other plan.” He sighs dramatically. “It’s going to take a while, but it’ll be worth it!”

“Other...plan?” They tilt their head to the side, curiously, bringing up a hand to wipe away the tear tracks. 

They jump when they feel hands grab their own. Y/N watches, wide eyed as Dazai bring up one of their hands, brushing his lips against their knuckles.

“My next plan-” he agrees, looking up with a small smirk, “getting you used to compliment and love.” Y/N turns a little red. “And trust me, love...”

“I have plenty to give away.”

-

(11/06/2021)

#bungou stray dogs headcanons #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs dazai #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #dazai #dazai oneshot #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #dazai x reader #osamu #dazai bungou stray dogs #fanfic #bsd fanfic #bsd #dazai bsd #bsd fanfiction #fanfiction

[tokoyamisstuff]

Scandal Ch. 4 - Loki x Reader

Summary: Nothing can stop the wrath of the God of Mischief, when he realizes he had been deceived by the people he trusted more than his beloved wife.

Warnings: Angst, Violence

Words: ~1700

"But what the world fails to realize is a villain is just a victim whose story hasn’t been told.” - Chris Colfer

I Story Masterlist I General Masterlist I

Taglist: @hi-there-x @haloangel391 @misssilencewritewell @babayaga67 @accioremuslupinn @mochimommy2002 @just-someone-who-likes-to-write @damalseer @bethanystan @loser-alert @star017 @nina1800 @queenariesofnarnia @n1fangirlsblog @vengefulsokovian @lunamoonbby @freyagallileaevans​

A/N: This is a rather boring chapter, but we’re far from done!

“She already left several moons ago. It was her own wish, we did not force her.”

“Where to?” 

“Midgard.”

Loki was long back on Asgardian territory, yet his mind couldn’t find peace. Well, how could he, now knowing what Laufey told him?

His world had already crumbled to dust when he left you behind - but if Laufey spoke the truth, his whole existence had been built on lies from the very start.

Not knowing where to search for answers, the prince sneaked into Odin’s forbidden chambers, walking in the shadows protecting him in the midst of night.

There it was: The Cascet of Ancient Winters - the very relic that doomed the fate of your newborn, revealing it’s shameful blood to all of Asgard.

It just urged him to try and see for himself, even if the truth would shatter his heart.

“STOP!”

Loki wouldn’t even flinch at the Allfather’s words, already tightly holding the cascet in both hands.

“Am I cursed?”

The God of Mischief wouldn’t even dare to turn around and look at the person he always ever thought to be his father - for as soon as he laid fingers on the cascet, he began turning into that same shade of blue your son did.

Panic began to rise in the young god, fearing to be killed by the people he loved so dearly shall they lay eyes upon what he truly was. His chest began to tighten, fastened breath turning into a cold mist.

“No” was Odin’s firm but unsatisfying answer, to which Loki only responded by putting down the cascet.

“What am I?”

“You’re my son.” His words came from the heart, not even faltering as Loki turned around to present his Jotun form to the Allfather.

“What more than that?!” he almost growled in between gritted teeth, appearance slowly returning to his usual self.

At that deepest, darkest day in his life yet, Loki would be too blinded by betrayal and rage to see his father’s true love towards his adoptive son.

“The cascet wasn’t the only thing you took back from Jotunheim that day, was it?” The prince took firm steps towards the man that he had known all his life, but had become a complete stranger towards him through that sole moment.

Again, only a “no.”

Loki’s mind was racing, thinking about what else may have been hidden from himself - and what kind of consequences that revelation had for everything he had done up until now.

“In the aftermath of the battle, I went to the temple -- and I found a baby” the Allfather continued, “Small, for a giant’s offspring. Abandoned, suffering, left to die...”

“...Laufeyson” Loki completed Odin’s sentence. So every word the King of the Jotunns had said was indeed a fact.

“W-W-why?!” he almost whined, voice weak and defeated. “You were knee deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?”

“You were an innocent child-”

“No.” The God of Lies himself had become so sick of being fed those, starting to snap. “You took me for a purpose. What was it???” 

For what felt like an eternity, there was only silence.

The image of that small, blue child in his arms had been painfully burned into his heart back then. But now that he knew the story behind all of this, it held a completely different meaning.

Just like he had been abandoned back on that frozen rock, he had abandoned his own child, as well as the love of his life.

Outcast, abused, left to die...and now, god knows what had happened to you...

That secret had destroyed more than just his own life. It had ruined the only honest happiness he was ever given - you, and his son.

“TELL ME!”

He just needed to know: The reason behind all the pain and suffering he had to endure - and caused to others as well.

“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace...through you.”

That was just too much for Loki to bear. “What?” he reacted with a barely-there voice, every word of his father shooting daggers through his heart.

“But those plans no longer matter.” No matter what Odin might want to explain, Loki wasn’t able to listen to any more, jumping into his own conclusions.

“So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up inside of here until you might have use for me?!” he croaked, afraid of the answer.

“Do not twist my words.”

“You could told me what I was from the beginning!” he now yelled, furious at how virtuous Odin would still defend his own action. “Why didn’t you?”

“You’re my son” he repeated once again. “I only wanted to protect you from the truth.”

“Why, ‘cause I-I-I-I’m the monster people tell their children about at night?!” Loki clenched his fists, fingernails drawing blood to his palm.

“At least when my son was born, you should’ve dropped the charade!” Pure agony was dripping from every syllable, and for a mere second, his eyes were glistering bright red once again. “You’ve forsaken two innocent lives - the most important beings in my pathetic existence - and now you’ve burdened me with their suffering as well!”

That sure was a miracle - how a person so broken from the beginning wouldn’t collapse under pressure that huge.

“It all makes sense now, why you favoured Thor, all those years! Because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!”

But who cares about the throne, honestly? Not him. Not anymore. Ever since he knew you.

It all dawned to him now: What he could have, if only he had put his trust in you like so many times before.

All his life, he only ever remembers a shadow. At first, he thought it to be the shadow of his brother, or never being enough for his own father. Maybe the other Asgardians looking down on him, making him feel like he doesn’t belong.

Yet in the end, that very shadow was inside of his own mind.

But you?

You had loved Loki with all of your heart, banishing the darkness from his mind through your bright affection.

It didn’t matter to you what anyone thought of him - or even what he thought himself to be.

Because you saw him for what he really was, and he found peace with that.

And he was certain that it wouldn’t matter to you whether he called himself Odinson or Laufeyson - as had you loved his child dearly, ever since he took his first breath.

He could never make up for that greatest of his sins, Loki knew that much.

Or...?

“Where are you going, my son?”

Reluctantly, Loki made his way past the man he now only considered a stranger. Still, when Odin tried to reach out to him, Loki immediately ducked away, startled and afraid for his true nature to hurt anyone.

More than ever before, the God of Mischief despised himself to the core of his being. He was lost, confused, shocked - and still, determined.

“Creating a Kingdom for my family.”

___

[Earth, 2 months later]

On times like these, you thought your mind was betraying you.

Especially when you catched yourself reminiscing sweet, innocent moments - far back in the past, before everything you ever held dearly got destroyed.

You still felt his touch, feather-light on your skin, as well as his scent haunting your memories. And sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder how life would have been, well...if things were different.

Frantically shaking your head, you clasped the book closed and threw it into a corner of the small one-room-flat SHIELD had provided for you.

Your magical pockets were always almost empty, except for a few necessities - and that book. It held the first flower Loki ever gifted you, and you had dried it in between those pages so it would never lose it’s beauty.

But now, remembering meant pain - because Loki Laufeyson would never come back.

For he is dead.

Fell of the Bifrost, as confirmed by Heimdall, who secretly kept in touch with you all this time. So you knew it all: Of his grief and treason, which slowly led him into madness. 

And what did you do in the meantime?! Nothing at all!

You should’ve tried everything, anything to get back and help him go through that time of need, hel!

“Endure it, Y/N...you need to stay strong...for Liam.” After so many times of telling those words to yourself, you doubted them to have any effect on your broken heart at all.

Yet it would never fail to keep you going. For that wonderful child was proof of your love, and now your last memory of him.

Rocking the small Jotun to sleep, tears found their way to your eyes like so many times before, dropping to the baby’s face unnoticed.

So you tried to sing your pain away as you cooed that little wonder to sleep.

“Å eg lengtar så tidt dette landet å sjå, Og det dreg meg så blidt, når eg langt er ifrå. Med den våknande vår vert min saknad so sår, så mest gråta, mest gråta eg kan. Å eg minnest, å eg minnest, å eg minnest så vel dette land. Å eg minnest, å eg minnest, å eg minnest så vel dette land.”

*Translation:

“Oh I long so long to see this land, And it pulls me so gently, when I'm far away. With the waking spring host my missing so sore, so most cry, most cry eg can. Oh I remember, oh I remember, oh I remember this country as well. Oh I remember, oh I remember, oh I remember this country as well.”

#Loki #Loki x Reader #Loki x You #Loki / Reader #Loki / You #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Odinson #Loki Friggason #God of Mischief #Loki x Y/N #Self Insert #Writing #Fanfiction #Jotunn #Jotunheim #Asgard #Frost Giant