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totallyboatless · 6 months

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It is time, friends, for another Pip's Weed Essay game. The rules: I'm about to take an edible and start writing a mini-essay in one sitting. I edit a tiny bit as I go, but for the most part this is on the fly. I've thought about this topic a lot, but haven't outlined it. I'll let you know when the edible hits, but there's a chance you'll realize it before I do. (PIRATE FRIENDS STICK AROUND - this is Pip from the future, I get pretty high in this, but anyway I'm here to tell you that this goes in a very unintended OFMD direction that i'm still reeling from. Anyway back to Past Pip)

Edible ingestion commencing, time: 7:37pm Mountain Time

I polled my followers for the topic, so today we're going to talk about:

Fixing the Puck Problem

I've read and seen A Midsummer Night's Dream more than any other Shakespeare play. At this point I don't know if I've seen it so much because it's my favorite, or enough opportunities for me to see it have lined up that it's become my favorite by default. It's easily the Shakespeare play I know best. I haven't seen a staging that I fully disliked, but there are two elements of this show that I feel like are rarely handled the way I want them to be.

Problem one:

Puck will never be as funny as Bottom

It's common to consider Puck to be the main character of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He's at the very least the most famous character in the play. Puck is a dream role, and obviously with his being a fairy, he's usually directed to be weird and whimsical--and a lot of the time, playing for laughs. It makes sense, he's a trickster, it's built into his nature.

But in modern day, his lines and actions don't translate as well as Bottom's. In all of the times that I've seen A Midsummer Night's Dream, I've *never* seen a production where Bottom fails to steal the entire show away from Puck. I've had multiple experiences where I could feel the director wanting me to laugh at Puck; I could see the reasons for the direction, but it just wouldn't hit. In those same productions, I've laughed so hard at the Bottom scenes that I cried.

I'm thinking particularly of the 2010 production with Judy Dench reprising Titania (honestly still in shock over seeing that lolol) and the 2019 Bridge Theatre production (which you can find streaming, it's *incredible*).

In the 2010 show, the Puck actor kept doing what honestly felt like a Woody the Woodpecker impression lol. He would pause for laughs and they just...wouldn't happen. Meanwhile, Bottom was set up with the kind of success that let him steal at least one scene from fucking Judy Dench.

In the 2019 Bridge Theatre production, I genuinely like the direction they gave Puck--he's a weird little twitchy Irish punk doing fucking aerial silk shit. But even with a unique vibe and a fun performance, it's still not enough to outshine Bottom.

Basically my thing is that I want to get to the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream and feel more connected to Puck. I *want* him to be my favorite. And there's just absolutely no way to make him my favorite if his core purpose is to be funny. Puck is supposed to be a larger-than-life being--the audience is never going to buy that when he's not even the largest character on the stage.

The second problem is smaller, and in fixing it there's also a fun chance to fix the Puck problem:

Problem two:

The audience usually doesn't understand why Titania and Oberon are fighting.

If you've gotten this far you're probably already a nerd who knows this, but gonna pose the question like I've done for other people I've seen the show with: Why are Titania and Oberon fighting? What's the core reason?

Bc you're a fucking nerd you probably yelled CHANGELING! Which yes, good for you, if I had become the Shakespeare professor I wanted to be but didn't have the money to become, you would be in my class and I would throw a snickers at you for a reward.

But the thing is, a *lot* of people who only know the play casually don't know. And most productions don't assist them in knowing.

Elaboration for non-nerds: Titania had a "and they were roommates" totally not at all lesbian relationship with a human women who was pregnant. The women dies in childbirth and Titania takes the child to raise, and she cherishes him more than anything, which is an extremely straight thing to do. In the play, the character is only referred to as the changeling. Oberon gets super jealous of this kid and wants to steal him away and make him join the Wild Hunt so that he can have Titania's full attention back, because he's got that issue creepy men get when they have kids and then are like "I'm jealous of my son because he's making it less likely for me to fuck my wife" and it's like "dude calm down with this projection of an Oedipal complex."

If you're not a coward and read Titania as in love with the changeling's mom, then Oberon's issues are maybe slightly less creepy, but like not really

So that's it really. Titania loves this kid of her sapphic lover that died. Oberon is jealous about it. He decides to play a trick on Titania both as a way to get revenge, and also as a distraction so he can steal the kid.

But the issue is that 1.) all of this is communicated in a long and kind of boring speech, and 2.) the changeling literally never has a line and also no stage directions

The 2010 production had a hot dude chained up and writhing on stage in a kind of hot dance snake movement thing when Titania talks about him, but most productions never even have an actor cast as the changeling. I was really shocked they didn't have anyone for the 2019 production, given how much I love most of the rest of their choices.

OKAY SO. We now have the two problems: Puck isn't the fan favorite even though he should be; and most people in the audience have no fucking idea about the changeling.

(THIS IS HIGH PIP FROM THE FUTURE I FORGOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS PROBLEM: If you do know about the changeling/follow along with that plot, it's *very* hard to root for Titania and Oberon when they reconcile. Which can be fun and cool and a little hot even maybe if you're going all dark, but thIS IS A PLAY ABOUT HORNY FAERIES HAVING A GOOD TIME so I won't be having that. I want this play to make me like that Titania forgives Oberon so easily. Okay Past Pip, take it away)

lol okay yeah weed friend has landed, I just wandered away for a minute with a desperate need to put taquitos in the air fryer. Time stamp: 8:16.

OKAY FOR REAL NOW LET'S GET INTO:

Pip's Most Ideal Staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream Which Fixes the Problems in Theory

The Staging:

First off I want the production to be in the middle of the literal woods where there's pretty lights in all the trees and people are sitting on blankets and have snacks and drinks and drugs and whatever they want, and the whole staging has the actors weaving through the audience. Not just theatre in the round, full immersion

I also want people to not fully know where the production is, just that it's on the outskirts of the forest, and then the actors emerge from the woods at a designated time and bring the audience to the secret stage section. And ideally this would be like a park on the outskirts of woods so that there would also be people there who wouldn't know what the fuck was going on. And ideally some of the fairy actors convince them to come along and the people go having no idea what they're about to get into. That's how A Midsummer Night's Dream is meant to be experienced in its purest form: with actors dressed as fairies trying to seduce unsuspecting strangers to follow them into the woods to an unknown location where they'll probably be offered drugs.

TAQUITO TIME

Taquitos acquired.

Puck's direction and motivation:

When Puck is first introduced, it's by a fairy called Peasblossom who's otherwise not a big part. Peasblossom lets the audience know who Puck/Robin Goodfellow is by basically going stan-mode and being like "holy shit you're famous." PB literally starts listing his greatest hits.

So picture with me: instead of an extremely fairy-like whimsical Puck, I want a Puck that wanders on-stage like a burnt-out rockstar. Cigarette in one hand, beer in another. Probably on a cocktail for faerie super magic mushrooms. Just fully numbed out. In this moment, Puck feels way more human than faerie--and I want the performance to be in a way where that feels off. To have it be communicated in manner and clothing, and the juxtaposition of PB recounting Puck's glory days, that Puck hasn't always been like this. This isn't a faerie trickster in his prime. This is a man who's lost all sense of fun and is going through the motions.

That's what happens, right, when you become just a little too famous?

Puck is the only one of the main characters who gets to the end of the show and is entirely alone.

(my favorite thing about being high is how *good* it makes food taste, these taquitos are not fancy but with the power of the devil's lettuce it's so good--oh my god I have Dr. Pepper)

(I'm back with the Dr. Pepper. I'm having fun, are you guys having fun? If you've made it this far i kiss u)

So Puck is alone at the end of the play while everyone else of import is either with their lover or with their theatre-kid-found-family. And it's largely because Puck lives between worlds. He's not powerful enough to be fey royalty; he's Oberon's right-hand man, but he's not Oberon's peer. But the lower fey court are also not his peers -- they treat him like a celebrity, he can't actually connect with them. He's not allowed to frolic and play with them anymore, not really.

With this interpretation and direction, we now have a Puck whose action in the plot can lead to a happy ending (keep with me), and whose existence isn't just to be quirky and whimsical for the audience. Instead it's a Puck with a motivation: he's lost all joy in his job, he's disconnected from him community, and Oberon only treats him like a fuckbuddy so he's sexually frustrated. (Oh right yeah I was supposed to write about how Puck is in love with Oberon. He is.) That's all fucking sad, bro! And you know from the Pip that traveled into the past that this play is fun and should be fun!

Now for the final part, where we put in the special ingredient to tie this particular Puck direction into the happy ending:

LET'S 👏 GET 👏 GAY 👏

Do you guys (gn) remember the changeling? It was like possibly an hour ago, the time-warp this particular edible always sets me on has fully set in. It's possible this essay is like 5k words long. It's also possible it's only 500 words long. I wish I was lying when I told you I don't know.

Anyway, the changeling. Let's make him a fuller character and let's give him to Puck wrapped up in a sexy, charming bow.

Picture this: The Changeling, from now on capitalized as a character, shown on stage in Titania's court. Locked up like a princess in a tower because Titania is desperate to protect him. And the Changeling is all *sigh and flutter big beautiful princess man eyes* because he wants to explore what's out there. Because he's a man who's grown up and been forced to live between two worlds. He's not fey royalty, he's not Titania's actual kid and she kind of honestly treats him more like a momento of her lesbian lover than an actual adopted kid. He can't be one of the fey court, because he's not fey, and also he's not allowed to frolic and play with them.

That should sound familiar to you if I did it right.

Puck and the Changeling, both feeling the same sort of empty spot. So let's smush them together.

Give the Changeling all of Peasblossom's lines. It makes more sense for a detail I left out before, too--Peasblossom doesn't recognize Puck they see him for the first few lines. Once they do they're all like "omg you're the dude that makes people horny for each other and also some other trickster things." They know all of Puck's stunts, but they don't know what he looks like? It's clearly an exposition device, but it's a weak one (sorry, Shakesy). He's the rockstar of the fey world. You'd have to be living under a rock or, I dunno, locked away like a beautiful man-princess --

(Okay you know where I'm going and I have to stop there because I'm cry laughing, I swear to you -- I swear to fucking god, guys, I wish I was joking -- I thought I was being cute and clever saying "man-princess". Not because of irony. IT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT THERE IS A WORD FOR A PRINCESS WHO IS A MAN AND THAT IS A PRINCE. Okay i should clearly wrap this up lol)

In this staging, the Changeling clearly doesn't want to be locked up. So...he finally finds a way to sneak out. He goes on a romp through the forest and that's when he runs into Puck (this is the scene where we first meet Puck). The Changeling wouldn't recognize Puck, though he's have heard of him. He probably loves stories because what the fuck else does he have to do, so he's asked the fairies to tell him about Puck's adventures over and over. Meanwhile, Puck wouldn't recognize the Changeling because Titania has been keeping him so under lock and key. It allows an opportunity for them to connect on more of a peer basis as they--

Holy fuck. Wait. Hold on. Is the Changeling Stede. Is Puck Ed. What the fuck. Did I write an AU on accident. I don't even like AUs very much (sorry AU writers it's not personal it's just not my thing).n ANYWAY sorry for the pirate aside. God this is properly off the rails now.

They like each other, you get it. And now Puck has someone he wants to impress. There's not a lot of opportunities to give the Changeling more lines, but that doesn't mean he can't appear on stage. He can stay with Puck (hiding from Oberon whenever he's there, leading to some good chances for physical comedy) and go on the nighttime adventure of his dreams.

This leads to a fun, unique choice: having Puck fuck up the love flower juice plan on purpose. So that he can show this hot dude following him around with wide enthusiastic eyes the kind of things he's capable of OH MY GOD THIS IS ED AND STEDE I SWEAR THIS IS NOT ON PURPOSE I AM JUST NOW SEEING THE PARALLEL

Okay we're nearly at the end I promise. We just have one more problem to solve: How are we supposed to root for Titania and Oberon to get together when Oberon literally publicly humiliates her and then steals her adopted son and forces him to join the Wild Hunt even tho Titania REALLY doesn't want him to? Well, the first one is easy, Titania and Oberon are so fucking kinky, and Oberon likes getting cucked (remember he's only jealous of the Changeling, never the lesbian).

The second one is also easy. Make it the Changeling's choice. Leaving Titania and joining Oberon's court means two things: He gets to be with Puck, and joining the Wild Hunt allows him to go on exciting adventures. If Titania saw that the Changeling wanted this with the staging that both Titania and Oberon look over and see Puck and the Changeling making out right after Titania's spell is broken. Then Oberon can jokingly delivers the line about having stolen the Changeling, realizing that the plan worked but in the most ridiculous way possible. And how could Titania not find joy in all of that?

It makes me so much more glad to see them get back together.

Puck's closing soliloquy is his most famous, but I like his last big monologue right before it better. There's a very important line he says that communicates an important shift within the context of his particular staging:

And we fairies, that do run

We.

Puck isn't a lonely, washed-up rockstar anymore. He's part of a "we." Not just the Changeling, but the other fairies, too. Puck and the Changeling act as bridges for each other, to be part of each other's worlds in a way that feels like a whole -- OH MY GOD IT IS ED AND STEDE

Puck being alone on stage isn't so sad anymore, after all that. Because Puck, who starts off the play with so little sense of belonging, now has so much to go back to.

And that's it, that's my ideal staging of this play. Honestly, I really, really want to direct it. I have no experience directing but I have the audacity to think I could do it lol. No resources, tho

OH ONE LAST THING HELENA NEEDS TO BE INTO PUP PLAY

also the lovers are all in a polycule, that's just a given, any other staging is cowardly

alright bbye

[exit]

final time stamp: 9:25 PM, not rereading, just hitting post. We die like Mercutio.

#Pip's Weed Essays #shakespeare #shakespeare staging #a midsummer night's dream #ofmd sort of i don't know how this happened #i mean it could have influenced me coming up with this staging??? It must have somehow??#I didn't start conceptualizing it until this year #I wasn't in the middle of a pirate hyperfixation at the time tho #but i guess they just always are there in the back of my head #shakespeare analysis

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captaintrio · 1 month

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2-24 even for Shanks 💕

Oh my goodness, thank you bby!! Y'all are gonna hear about Shanks today lmfao. Most of this is gonna be under a readmore bc I've never been able to be succinct but here we goooooo!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I love how careful he is about when and how he flexes all that power he has. It was meant to be very on the nose when we were introduced to him via Luffy in the very beginning of the series, but like. His little episode on Whitebeard's ship seemed like he had conqueror's haki out of control, but it was a very purposeful flex, if for nothing else than to show that he took approaching another Yonko seriously. Or the way he chose to handle Greenbull at the end of Wano. Sure it was hard to the new folks on his crew to handle exposure so suddenly, but he sent that like 50 miles out from the ship and hit that jerk in the heart with it. And never even raised his voice about it. Idk I think his restraint and how it manifests is a really interesting part of his characterization.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

it's probably on my mind bc of Bernard Hill's recent passing, but I think Shanks would do so well and have a grand old time being elusive and mysterious in Lord of the Rings lmfao. He's got that Aragorn quality of could be in his 20s could be in his 40s who knows, he and Gandalf would probably get a kick out of each other, he'd fucking love the hobbits I am telling you this. (he also, I am very afraid, has that Aragorn quality of 'doomed by the narrative just not quite yet,' but we'll see.)

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

this is hard, I think he's a much more complex and interesting person than I am for the most part, but like. I think it's safe to say he'd mostly rather diffuse a situation than have it become serious when the latter is avoidable, and I am that way too. If the situation is already serious and requires a throw down response that's a different matter, but if we can avoid a serious fight in favor of a little tussle and some drinks, that'd be the way he'd go, and I agree.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

take this one with a grain of salt bc I mostly try not to yuck anyone's yum or argue about differing headcanons, but I really do not fucking like the like. scumbag/villain!Shanks thing that seems to have a semi-popular following. some of that is personal bias, as I think he is a warm, good person who is doing his best, but it also kind of feels like a betrayal of the narrative for him. which I realize is funny coming from the "everything is made up including the source material" guy but here we are. there was a period a few months ago where people were basically just writing him as OP Toji and it made me want to pull all my hair out.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

absolutely, I adore him, I think he's right about a lot of things, our ethics tend to line up where it matters, I think he's funny and would be fun to be around, he listens well and is a warm and compassionate person. I really like him and we'd get along really well I think. (mostly probably through the lens of my OC bc I'm not like. terribly convinced of my actual in person IRL likeability but in theory, absolutely yes.)

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I've written about it a little before, but I think the reason he let Buggy go without telling him what Roger talked to him about after the execution wasn't because he didn't want Buggy with him anymore or didn't believe he had what it took to complete that mission, but so that Buggy would have a chance to forge his own way and have his own life. Doing what Roger asked necessitated Shanks--who was widely regarded as having the potential to be the next big legend--to drop out of the running almost entirely. He picked up his crew, he made a name for himself, he became the youngest person (at the time) to gain the title of Yonko, but he also spent a decent amount of time having to like. Lay low on beaches and dick around in the East Blue and play balance keeper and chess master until the man Roger was waiting for appeared. There are more spoilery additions to this that I'll leave out for now but yeah. I think he knew Buggy had all that same potential, and wanted to give him an opportunity to strike out on his own adventure without living in that shadow or carrying their mentor's ghost around.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

oh take this one with a grain of salt too idk that I know any of the terms correctly lmfao but he's very like. when I picture boho in my mind that seems very him. a lot of linens a lot of light flowy breathable clothes. It's pirate!Boho obviously but like. The man is out there wearing birkenstocks as we speak js.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

same standard issue disclaimer as the fandom stuff I don't like, this isn't to yuck anyone's yum, follow your bliss what people ship isn't my business, these are just the ones I personally do not like. shankslu is at the forefront, but I don't really do shanksbenn either?? a LOT of captains and first mates in this series read that way to me but those two don't for me.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I actually really enjoy his dynamic with Marco. There are some interesting pieces of shared history there but overall the like. Friendly ribbing, amiable hanging out and willingness to cooperate between two of my faves is always very nice to see. c:

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

oh please I think he'd think Sabo was a ton of fun. I know there's an age difference there that makes peership a little different than between the other mid-40s dudes he usually hangs out with, but think about it. Two very powerful people who are carrying the weight of part of this new era on their shoulders, who have a habit of just sort of fucking off out of the narrative and doing things as they please within their own personal parameters, who will just get up and obliterate a guy when that's what the situation calls for? Funny, weird, intelligent guys that love Luffy, believe in him, and want whats best for him? Even if they weren't besties, I think there's a lot of fun overlap for general friendship there.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

something I like: when people recognize that all that soft puppy silly goofy guy exterior, while sincerely part of him, is something that he makes the decision to externalize every day, and is sat atop a deep well of like. sadness and responsibility. there are a lot of people doing a very good job making him a romantic dopey nightmare man without sacrificing that silliness or his intelligence and sense of personal responsibility.

something I don't like: when people start a fic with the disclaimer "Shanks is in here but I hate him lol so he's a lil ooc 🤭🤪" and then he's like. not only ooc but just someone's ex boyfriend or doflamingo or just off-screen doing heinous shit for no reason. Writing a character you hate: can be fun and compelling! I fucking hate Doflamingo, for example, but as a narrative device, as a villain? bar none one of the best and most interesting. Writing a character you hate with the intention of doing a shit job because you hate them? dumb, annoying, and a waste of everyone's time. why include someone you don't want to write about lmfao just pick a different character and be done.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

i'm drawing a blank, I'm going to be real with you. Like, I can think of a ton of mentor characters, but they don't really remind me of him. I can think of a bunch of like. guardian of the new era characters, that still don't super remind me of him. I think again i've got LOTR on the brain rn but the like. Fellowship of the Ring Aragorn is the closest I'm coming up with and even that's mostly in terms of like. the gentle mentorship of the hobbits, the offbeat sense of humor, and that dedication to a responsibility that he might have been scared to face. IDK. Shanks is a pretty unique guy to me. I'm sure I'm gonna sit bolt upright at 3 AM with a list of 20 people that fit the bill but rn it simply isn't clicking lmfao.

And there we have it!!! My (mostly) comprehensive analysis of Shanks, for you my dear friend. Thank you so much for asking!!!

#av plays #ask games #ask #answered #fluffleforce-mysdrym #this was a hell of a thing m8 thank you again for letting me ramble lmfaooo #OP #Shanks #wano spoilers #just in case

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meimeikyu · 20 days

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Giving sans AUs kpop solo songs,,, an extremely self indulgent post

this is based on both the tone/lyrics of the song, my interpretation of the lyrics, and the music videos. also just songs i like

also!! a lot of these will be focused on my interpretations of both the song and the characters, as well as specific parts of them

(this will be slightly long and full of links so it goes under the cut)

Cross: Lilac - IU

youtube

this song makes me so aggressively happy and sad at the same time and its so hgksghkshgksghs i feel like itd fit him so much,,,, for one lilac being the song name bcs i associate cross heavily with lilacy purple but also just the whole theme of the song being losing a person but it being like a perfect goodbye and etc and. idk i see it in him

"Will you forget me someday?

Will you forget our faces and the scent of today?

While having a good nap

Like a faded mid-spring’s dream"

Blue: Bam Yang Gang - BIBI

youtube

okay so this is mostly based on the lyrics, and the concept of blue working with the stars but kinda being lesser than them? since hes 'only' mortal and cant keep up and yet hes expected to and. yeah i love this concept n i love this song so

"As you were leaving you turned around and said to me

"You always want far too much"

No what I’ve always wanted was one thing

Just one thing sweet chestnut red bean jelly"

Dream: INVU - Taeyeon

youtube

god so its like a sad song about forbidden love in my mind but like. some of the lyrics hit so hard n i feel like theyd work for dream so well and the mvs so pretty (and also has a bow!) but like. dream and forbidden things work so well together in my mind bcs shes the one trying to keep everything together and yet also be the perfect guardian of positivity and can never be sad or angry and never get tired or stop and. she cant even love someone because shes supposed to be a guardian and thats not part of her job </3 (also trans fem dream canon to me)

"I think I lost my mind

But it's my kind of love

Without leaving anything

Pour everything out and flop

Suddenly at one point

I see myself exhausted

Even though I'm trying my best"

Ink: water color - Whee In

youtube

okay one i adore this song two the whole song being art/painting themed!!! literally ink!!!!!! and the theme of a lot of the lyrics being about becoming/embracing yourself (in my mind) i feel like fits him bcs like, hes out of the normal hes weird but hes HIM!! he has an identity he has a life he has friends hes not just that sketch anymore!!! hes a full person :D

"Gonna make it colored

I'll pick my brush

Just dye my everything, yeah, deep in my mind

Then I will follow my heart

Draw the things that only I have

Gonna do it my way

I don't wanna stay here"

Nightmare: Animal Farm - BIBI

(warning for fake blood/gore in the mv, as well as violence and guns)

youtube

so i actually had a few ideas for nightmare tbh but idk they didnt feel quite right to be 'the' song i put as nightmare, but oh boy this song did! the whole royalty vibes of the music video plus the apple in the beginning, and just the whole tone of the song and mv felt so right. whats more fitting than the one video thats age restricted lmfao

this is meant to be a more fanon nightmare but not quite the whole 'only doing it for the balance would never do violence otherwise' nightmare but also not 'fully evil an corrupted and the real nightmare is dead' just,, some combination of the two that i like to do nightmare as. definitely bad but not cruel to those close to them, would do violence or manipulation for purposes other than the balance and for her own gain, but doesnt intend to tip the scales all the way and destroy every positive instance. also very much fancy and royal aesthetics :3

"Welcome, well done

Shameless friends of mine

Who's next?

Hang my pretty head in your room

Where is love? Where is my sympathy?

What have we lost?

Is it a farm? Is it society?

Am I a tiger or a gazelle?"

Killer: Heart Attack - Chuu

youtube

oh wow the song i drew killer with like a week ago,,, shockinggggg (silly)

tone wise does this song seem like killer? meh debatable but i associate it with him so fucking hard!! one i feel like if we go off popular like fanon-ish killer i think hed like this song <-projecting probably but TWO!!! all the lyrics about like giving his heart an the apple themes in the mv??? consider: its him about nightmare, giving his whole heart sould and purpose to nightmare and how nightmare is obviously tied to apples canon wise, and the mv uses apples to represent freedom or sin (imo) and killer 'eating the apple' or agreeing to work with nightmare for some form of freedom. also non toxic killermare has my heart and soul and this is so killermare to me btw <33333 (also the other girl in the mv is yves and for the sake of this idea she is nightmare in this context <3)

btw have i mentioned how much i fucking LOVE this song bcs i fucking adore this song i love it so much im so insane about it

"Pounding more and more

I’ll give it all, take my heart

Surely you’re my destiny

It shines fully in my heart"

Dust: 28 Reasons - Seulgi

youtube

ok lyric wise maybe less fitting than the other songs but like,, the whole mvs theme of 'good and evil exist together in a person' is like. so how i feel about dust how do i word this. what he did is bad or 'evil' killing everyone is objectively bad but in his mind hes freeing them from a worse fate (the constant resets) and doing it for the greater 'good'. it doesnt matter if thats true or not, the fact is he believes it to be,,,, combine with the idea of him sometimes feeling horribly guilty about what hes done versus comforting himself with what he does because its better for him... i feel like both dust and killer have this very skewed view of their past vs present, and where killer barely remembers his past dust VERY MUCH does, and has a massive line in his head of where sans ended and he started. idk if this makes sense to anyone else but alone those lines, picture the chorus as if its him talking to himself,,,, also this songs amazing i love it

"28 reasons that ruined you, you don't have to know

I have no bad intentions

You know all 28 reasons to run away

So, why are you leaning into me again?"

Error: Glitch - Kwon Eunbi

youtube

This ones also kinda less directly connected but i couldnt not do the glitchy song for error (i also had minimal other ideas shhh)!! The whole glitchy theme and a lot of the lyrics being based around that is perfect for our glitchy man,,,, also this song is just really good n i love eunbi!!

"I make a touch, t-t-touch the limit After crashing the steep wall again The shaking caught my eyes, wait a minute"

---

so originally this was gonna have more guys but ive run out of proper ideas for it and if i don't post it as is its gonna live in my drafts forevr n i dont want that bcs im actually really happy with what i have so far so end for now!! i may do more another time but yeah!

i do offer this bonus tho!!

Festivalverse: Apple - Gfriend

youtube

in general i adore this song but also i just associate it with my au, specifically the gods!! also the apple theme in general fitting with dreamtale, the final bit, and just how gorgeous the whole mv is! its so my au to me :3

silly thing but if ur curious about which member would be who in festivalverse: Sowon - Ink, Umji - Error, Eunha - Geno, Yuju - Reaper, Yerin - Dream, SinB - Nightmare

"There’s no turning back when the night turns restless Let the festival I dared to imagine come alive"

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taegularities · 6 months

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You know what? I will feel so empty without them. Discovered them in March 2022 (yes one of my biggest regret in my life). Since then i never once stop talking about them to my friend, i was harrassing her lmao giving her daily updates even if she doesn’t care. I once said that i only breath rnb but i can also say today that i breath bangtan.

Bangtan help me filled a missing piece in my love life? In some way, they were helping me to escape reality. Before knowing them i never once dated someone (still don’t) and to think that i have to face back reality, by confronting the mores of our society and by hoping to find someone who is gonna help me filled that gap, well, yes it hits hard. I am affraid of a lot of things regarding love and relationships in general. I don’t think i have issues nor that i am insecure. With years i started accepting to love myself but i still know that it isn’t enough. Because a part of me says otherwise. An ex friend of mine, once said to me that i was waiting for a partner to accept myself because what i needed was insurance. I feel that it is true. At the same time I might think that « the one » will never appeared to me if i don’t love myself enough. How can i love someone else if i am not even able to love myself? Men that i allowed in my life, played me or didn’t fit my standards. Am i wrong with that? Am i wrong for not giving them a chance to know me or to like me? The more i grow up the more i feel lonely in that society. I felt the lack of affection a lot before bangtan and now that they are gone, i am back to square one. I know that at some point of my life i will have to settle with someone and detached myself from them. For now i don’t have that someone and don’t have them until they are back. But more serioulsy this society pressure me a lot, makes it hard to be fully happy… Not me being so dramatic, i am so sorry. Wanted to vent a bit… tough day. Hope yours wasn’t too harsh tho <3

hi bby. i wanted to be in a headspace where i can answer this properly, but even now, i am at such a loss for words bc i so know what you mean. don't worry about joining 'late' – one idea this fandom has always agreed upon is that you find bangtan just when you're in need of them. i'm not sure how they do that or what the magic behind it is, but they always come into our lives when we need them the most.

and yeah, that's why all of this hurts so much, too! i remember crying my eyes out when last year's festa came out and they announced their hiatus. right now, i feel like it's not quite sinking in that in a few days, they'll all be leaving and be gone at the same time, and it's a harsh reality to cope with. but you know… i find comfort in the thought that they love us just as much (more even, lbr). time is going to pass for them as it will for us, and i promise you they'll be thinking of us every dang moment, so the love, at least, never fades. we'll try our best to be healthy and live our best lives and then come together when they do!! in the meantime, we have each other, so i hope everyone sticks around and holds each other's hand!!

i understand how scary love can be. discovering that people can be kind and so generous raised my standards, too – the boys really did. it's gotten so hard to find someone who fits those expectations, but yk… at some point, we will definitely need to detach ourselves from the idea that every man will be like them. we shouldn't settle for anything less, but we shouldn't reject everyone either who isn't just like them. that's what i've been going with.. the thought to never be able to settle is so freaking scary, but i promise you will!! one day, you'll find someone who fits you just perfectly, and you'll be happy, babe, i can tell you as much. and be as dramatic as you want to be, bc gawd, we're allowed to hurt! i just hope your days get better and that you feel okay as soon as possible. sending you all my love and the tightest hugs, axelle 🥺🤍

#im here for yall if you need anything pls dont apologise for venting #but im also sorry i rambled.. it's been quite a week for me too and i've been tearing up constantly today :')#we got this 🫂#notes for rid 🌹#axelle <3

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buddyapologist · 11 months

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i. don't even know how to put everything into words. i finished painful today and im just. fuck man. every time i play it, new edition aside, i get something more and it just hits me so hard

spoilers below for new stuff

so first of all i got the terry campfire scene which made me FUCKING INSANE OH MY GOD first of all i love terry's myriad of facial expressions, he really goes from :) to :( to :D so fast and i feel like this is the first time brad's actually admitted anything like this at all because he has to act like he knows what he's doing at all times, and this is like the ONE TIME he feels safe enough to be honest, and it's just so much!!!!! AND THE FUCKING!!!!! HOW THE LISA HALLUCINATIONS FADE!!!!!! AND YOU'RE STILL WELL RESTED DESPITE THE CONVO!!!!!!! AND THE HALLUCINATIONS DON'T COME BACK AFTERWARDS!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK DUDE!!!!!! i don't ship them but i can only imagine how happy you are if you do!!! regardless it was. it was so fucking good!! i don't even care that it means brad telling buddy he's never been hugged before is kind of a lie lmao he's still never been hugged by a family member so that's something

i also got two other campfire scenes - three of them turning the fuck up to some jams, and bo trying to play his banjo and missing his brother. :( sad stuff

i already talked about the borders but i love them so much!!!!! i love how they change based on the location!

part of me wanted to try finally recruiting buckets but i just couldn't do it lmao i'm too much of a softie to keep sacrificing my guys to RR, but one day i'll shove down all of my guilt and do it. i did recruit basically everyone else except for rooster bc i just gave him his chicken back bc i'm nice, crisp bc i just gave him his boyfriend back bc i'm nice, clint bc i never had enough mags, and jack because i just forgot about him LOL but i think i got everyone else, including some guys i hadn't gotten before.

i had my usual angry sob fest at the fact that TO BEAT THE GAME YOU HAVE TO KNOCK BOTH OF YOUR KIDS UNCONSCIOUS, and i'll also never not cry at how the marty fight has "marty armstrong/father" and the brad fight in joyful has "nobody/dad". gghghghghghhghg!!!! i didn't notice many differences, i put terry in my final party because i wanted to HURT MYSELF but all of his dialogue was the same. nothing wrong with that, i was just wondering about it beforehand.

so that's playthru #1 down (of the DE, i've probably played at least 10 times, maybe more), i'll start joyful tomorrow, and i'm gonna replace painful however long it takes to get all of the campfire convos i want!! i especially want to FINALLY figure out how old everyone is! i thought i had something with nern but NOOOOOOO and like i have my own theories and stuff but man i don't fucking know we have so little to go off of

anyway 10/10, shattered me into pieces all over again, can't wait for playthru #2

#avery.txt #lisaposting

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crystalitecloudie · 2 years

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I HAVE CAVED INTO MY DESIRES.

here is me rating the twisted wonderland characters by if my self insert oc, mitsuki hanehara, would date them.

yes we are doing this.

♥️HEARTSLABYUL♥️

Riddle Rosehearts ~ 1/10

The chance of this actually happening is pretty low, not gonna lie. Not only is Riddle quick to anger, but he is a bit too strict on rules and following them. Mitsuki very much values her freedom, so I feel like they'd squabble more frequently than anything.

Trey Clover ~ 7/10

I can see it. They'd probably bake together, and his vibe is a lot more caring and loving than many of the others in the game. She'd probably get flustered though if he ever tried to help clean her teeth. Even if they aren't dating, Trey is definitely a person Mitsuki puts her trust in.

Cater Diamond ~ 7/10

Let's be honest, he's only a 7/10 bc I'm biased. Shhh.

Anyways, Cater's casual demeanor probably makes him a great companion for Mitsuki. I can definitely see a "friends to lovers" kind of trope going on with them. Sprinkle in some angst from both of their traumatic backstories, have a happy resolution, and you're good to go.

Ace Trappola ~ 3/10

Friend only. Sorry Ace, you're just not dating material... yet.

Maybe when you're older buddy.

They'd be great friends though. He's just too... brash? Not sure how to put it.

Deuce Spade ~ 8/10

For some reason, I feel like they'd really hit it off. A former delinquent, trying to turn his life around as an honors student, paired with Mitsuki, who was heavily bullied as a kid, yet has recovered and learned to grow from that?

It oddly works. In the past, they would have been enemies, but meeting later in life like this makes them two peas in a pod.

🦁SAVANACLAW🦁

Leona Kingscholar ~ 7.5/10

LOTS of playful teasing. And I thoroughly mean that.

I feel like he'd have a relationship with Mitsuki similar to Ruggie... but she'd refuse to do chores for him unless they were super close. Overall, I can definitely see this happening, but Mitsuki might not be fully satisfied with the relationship.

Ruggie Bucchi ~ 8/10

Mitsuki would definitely heavily relate to him and his background, so they'd probably become close through that. The one big problem in this relationship would be initiating it. But once they finally start dating, it'd go off with virtually no hurdles.

Mitsuki is still probably a bit suspicious of him at first, though. You can never truly come clean from some things, I guess.

Jack Howl ~ 2/10

Sorry but..buy... this one's a no.

The first problem is his tsundere-like personality. Jack has a hard time admitting aloud what he wants, more so that many of the other characters. He also makes it obvious that he wants something, but still won't say it. Mitsuki probably knows what he wants, but without explicit, verbal consent? Nothing is going to happen.

The other problem is just his physique: he is heavily active, and very much "buff". Mitsuki's not really into that romantically. Overall, they'd probably have a mutual distant respect, but nothing further.

🌊OCTAVINELLE🌊

Azul Ashengrotto ~ 10/10

This one is another one that I think would go off really well. They both have been harshly bullied and shunned in their pasts, and Mitsuki has plenty of experience in working at cafés. Their ideals of benevolence are similar, too. Their relationship would be a perfect example of the "Boss x Subordinate" trope.

Their cautious personalities, but their gradual trust in each other, initiates one of the best romances possible on these rankings.

Jade Leech ~ 4/10

They'd work so much better as friends. They do get along well personality-wise, but interest-wise?

They'd contend. A lot. Mitsuki is a city girl through and through: mountains and mushrooms can only intrigue and entertain her for so long before she loses interest.

Floyd Leech ~ 6/10

Mitsuki handles his mood swings like a PRO. She's also really observant, so she'd quickly catch on to the fact that he is much smarter than he appears to be on the surface.

Unlike Jade, I feel like Mitsuki might actually date him, but the chance is slim. She'd still let Floyd squeeze her, though.

☀️SCARABIA☀️

Kalim Al-Asim ~ 2/10

Nope. He's much too chipper... and dense. Mitsuki would get tired of his personality very quickly. She'd also probably feel awkward if he tried to gift her anything for free, unless it was food.

Jamil Viper ~ 7.5/10

They're really not all that different -- they'd just have a hard time trusting each other, especially after the incidents of Chapter Four. If he starts being more honest, though, especially with himself and his feelings, it'll definitely work out.

⚠️Mentions of Chapter 4 (nothing about the actual story included, just mentions about it).⚠️

This one could work, if they are given time to build trust in each other.

🍎POMEFIORE🍎

Vil Schoenheit ~ 9.5/10

Definitely. He's been compared to Riddle before, but unlike Riddle, his "rules" have a purpose -- their positive outcomes when followed. This tough but honest and real love is something Mitsuki heavily appreciates and admires right from the get-go.

The only point of contention would be Mitsuki's self-care, as she hasn't really put in too much effort towards her skin-care: her skin just naturally stays clean, for the most part. Instead, most of Mitsuki's bodily care goes toward her hair, which has certainly paid off.

Other than Mitsuki's imbalance in self-care, though, these two would get along almost perfectly.

Rook Hunt ~ 7/10

At first, I think Mitsuki would find him creepy, especially considering the way he talks. But over time, she'd definitely grow to trust in him and appreciate his honesty. They'd probably date eventually, if they were given time to do so.

Epel Felmier ~ 4/10

Mitsuki would probably see Epel more as a brother. Their relationship is that of a familial bond.

Especially since they look so similar. Literally. Mitsuki would probably be mistaken as his actual biological sister. And there are plenty of ways in which they are similar, but enough differences to give them that sibling bond.

Overall, it would probably never get romantic. Even if it did, they'd both probably suppress it in the back of their minds.

🌐IGNIHYDE🌐

Idia Shroud ~ 5/10

⚠️BRIEF SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 6 IN THIS ONE (nothing too story-heavy). You have been warned.⚠️

This one... I honestly have no idea. Part of me says yes, and that it would be perfect, but the other part of me says they'd work better as friends.

For pros, Mitsuki enjoys rhythm games, and is extremely good at them. Her childhood best friends frequently took her to the arcade, so she's familiar with video games and their controls.

However, Mitsuki mostly plays video games for their stories (besides rhythm games) -- the same goes for anime. And all of the "games" he talked about in chapter 6? Most of them don't have "story" or "thought" put into them. They're brainless, and even the simple plot for the last Galaga-like game that he describes is, well... simple.

And these are the ones Idia LIKES. So she might have a hard time relating to him there. Overall, I don't know about this one (which is why it's in the middle).

Ortho Shroud ~ 0/10

No. Nope. Not happening.

That is all.

🟢DIASOMNIA🟢

⭕️Note! These ones are probably subject to change, especially since Chapter 7 isn't out yet in any version. <3

Malleus Draconia ~ 4/10

Interesting guy. Probably like Yuu, she would not understand why he is so feared, but Mitsuki would respect that he "has feelings too", and would try to invite him to things.

Mostly though, she doesn't know too much about him, so there's some distance. There'd probably be some mutual respect, but unless they suddenly decide to hang out more, nothing too interesting will happen.

And no, she doesn't find him "hot" (gasping sound effects).

Lilia Vanrouge ~ 9.5/10

Probably third place of all the boys. If we had place rankings, Azul would be first, then Vil, and then Lilia.

Lilia, despite not quite understanding modern human society, has a really good grasp on human life and what it means to live as a mortal. The "death cycle", so to speak.

Guess who's also experienced way too much death in their past? Mitsuki.

Mitsuki would also probably look up to him, especially with his war general past. Their common interest in music (and possibly gaming) would unite them together very quickly. Not only that, but Lilia can talk about non-mortal things to Mitsuki.

And she actually understands it. It doesn't just go through her head.

Also, she can cook. So.

Overall, this is the pairing of "two 'old' people who don't quite understand humanity yet. <3

Silver ~ 7/10

Mitsuki and Silver would definitely take naps together. No questions asked. His calm and more mellow nature is also soothing, and he can talk to animals?? Yes??

I don't have much more to say on this one, but it can definitely work.

Sebek Zigvolt ~ 2/10

Sebek is too... loud. And overbearing. And dramatic. Mitsuki worries and is cautious, but she knows when not to worry. Sebek worries TOO much, and often makes unreasonable statements and claims. She'd probably want to steer clear of him more than anything else.

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peachydinosaur · 6 months

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had an upsetting and disturbing interaction in the Walmart parking lot today that triggered a pretty bad adrenaline surge (i have POTS so they can be very intense and hard to recover from) (long story short someone was driving like an asshole and blocking me/menacing me/yelling at me, i flipped him off, he tried to hit my car with his car) but I'm feeling better and better about it bc... that's an insane reaction to have. 'oh someone flipped me off, a valid reaction to this is to try to hit their car with mine'

also feeling better thinking of the look on his face after he did it. he *had* been laughing, feeling like a big man, but he did that and i just started fucking screaming and pointing and whatever fucking hand gestures, and the pedestriansvwere just looking at him like 'what the actual fuck' and a few of them scurried away, he looked startled and THEN he reversed to give me room to leave. guess he wanted me to start sniveling and apologizing? like 'nooooo I'm sooooo sorry PLEASE don't hit my poor little car with your big manly car 😭' but instead i had the entirely reasonable reaction of anger and screaming at him. i don't think I've yelled that loud in years.

like what in the actual fuck? what kind of reaction is that? 'you're doing what I've indicated that i want you to do and trying to drive away, but you flipped me off. let me just. crank my steering wheel towards you and accelerate towards your vehicle at a speed that's unsafe for parking lots and then slam on the brakes a foot away from hitting you' like his truck moved at least half a car length in no fucking time and if i hadn't ALSO slammed on my brakes he would've hit me. that is NOT in any realm a normal or reasonable thing to choose to do

i was backing out of my fucking parking spot. at the point where you've pulled out of the spot and now you're kind of in the middle of the lane, i had my wheels turned all the way and was going forward to get into my lane. dude zooms up, pulls up on the right so that I can't pull into the lane like normal, and when i give him the 'what are you doing?' hand gesture/look he starts pointing at me to go around him. and that's literally not how parking lots work what the fuck do you mean dude why are you are on the wrong side of the road just let me leave. so, confused, i point and gesture for him to go to the left of me like a normal fucking person. I'm just going 'what the hell am i supposed to do' because i don't WANT to be driving on the wrong side of the road in a busy parking lot, but there's cars behind me too so i can't back up. I'm sitting like that for maybe five seconds. apparently he is very unhappy that i pointed for him to go through the parking lot like a normal person and very unhappy that i didn't immediately and happily drive onto the wrong side of the road in a busy parking lot so he drives closer to me and starts yelling and pointing and getting mad. so i flip him off, i don't know why. i was startled i guess but i have a rule where i don't flip off other drivers if they're gonna see it. just panicked. i don't do that. that's not something i do. so yeah okay, whatever, I'm startled and I'd like to get the fuck out of this situation and the only option at this point is to drive around him. so i start trying to and he pulls that shit. THAT'S FUCKING INSANE!! IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A THING A PERSON WOULD DO?? WHERE DO YOU LIVE WHERE A NORMAL AND REASONABLE THING TO DO IS MAKE SOMEONE THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO SLAM YOUR CAR INTO THEIRS???? sir you are unwell

i don't know if anyone's even going to read this but like. have you ever seen someone accelerating towards you and thought you were about to be in a head on collision? that's fucking terrifying. in that moment your brain doesn't go 'there's not enough room for him to accelerate enough to cause me lasting bodily harm' your brain goes 'I'm about to be in a head on collision'

like. should i have flipped him off? no, i don't know why i did, i genuinely do not do that like ever. is there any world where if you sat me down and walked me through the interaction leading up to that where i would guess his next action is to consciously try to cause an accident in the Walmart parking lot? there is no such world, if it hadn't happened to me i don't think i could've ever come up with it

when he backed off and looked a little startled i think it was less that he felt bad for what he did or realized he was in the wrong and more he realized 'there are at least five people standing/walking in this parking lot that just saw me do that. if i do anything else I'm not going to get away with it' and like look at the optics on that. him, 50 year old man in his massive new looking red truck, on the wrong side of the road, to me, young woman in a 25 year old sedan. that's not a good look for him. maybe he was startled that my response was anger and screaming, like, he definitely wasn't expecting that. i don't fucking know. i just know that it's fucking insane to try to cause an accident in the Walmart parking lot

#the adrenaline surge fucking sucked #i have hyperadrenergic POTS so my adrenaline response is. extremely overreactive #like initially i was just angry. that's just what happens when something spooks me and i get an adrenaline surge #just felt so fucking mad that once i was out of the parking lot i just screamed at the top of my lungs #and then i just started sobbing and almost had to pull over bc i was hyperventilating #i managed to calm down enough to finish the drive bc it was only five minutes #but once i got there i had to just sit in the car and sob for a while before i could compose myself enough to walk in #said hi real quick to my boyfriend's roommates and went to his room to lay down and cry #chugged an entire Gatorade and some water and texted him #he was on break at work so he called and i could not stop crying on the phone #and we've been together for a few years so he's familiar with the concept of I'm going to cry for up to an hour after an adrenaline surge #but i just sobbed on the phone #felt better after a little bit #and then realized that i had sweat through all of my clothes to the point where i was at minimum damp all over #absolutely soaked at the pits it was gross #took a shower and changed clothes and felt a bit better but for the rest of the day I've been exhausted and tense #all of my muscles hurt and i have a headache and my tinnitus has been extra loud #brain fog has been especially bad and i almost started crying when my friend killed me in a video game #a video game where it is normal to kill each other #had to take a few minutes to just sit there and calm down #hopefully i don't feel too bad tomorrow but i haven't had an adrenaline surge this bad in a long time and they really can fuck with you #i thought i was going to be in a head on fucking collision in my car!!!! i think that could elicit an adrenaline response in any normal guy #but i am cursed with 'will have an adrenaline response to anything remotely startling' disease #and when it's a big adrenaline surge sometimes I'm just gonna be out of commission the next day #our bodies weren't meant to have big adrenaline often! it's for when the tigers are about to get you! it's for life or death situations!#which is good and fine for when there are tigers and death #but it really does take a fucking toll #anyways in exhausted and can't sleep so good luck everyone!#hope your day was better than mine #i said things

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acanvasofabillionsuns · 1 year

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no cookie dough today after all folks, plans are that it will happen saturday 👀

this is bc tomorrow is epiphany and we're going to make king cake!! so i'm looking forward to that :]

also i went back to school today and my culinary teacher sells cookies?? one of my friends is in his first period and if he's feeling up to it then he's the one who bakes the cookies and APPARENTLY i am getting one for free tomorrow so 👀👀👀

also while i'm talking about food then we had tacos for dinner!!! with our family taco seasoning!!!!!! yum omg

and also while i'm talking about school then the sleep deprivation hit hard but i got to nap through 2 consecutive periods bc i didn't do anything for most of the day 😎

also also while i'm talking about my culinary teacher then in class we were talking about eggs and one of my classmates was like 'apparently you can't crack an egg vertically' and a friend (different than the cookie baker) tried and succeeded but got egg all over himself it was so funny 😭

also my culinary teacher did the thing where u spray aerosol and then turn on a lighter and get Extra Fire so! that wasn't like a highlight of my day or anything i just wanted to share

one more thing about school then we're learning about gravitational fields n stuff in physics and my teacher said she's going to try and get a field trip for us to go to a planetarium 👀

i got to work on my collage!!!! it's been like 3 weeks i was so excited to work on it and then i had so much fun :D

i have two pairs of glasses, and one of them is heart-shaped so i gets lots of compliments when i wear them out and about, but today a lady at the grocery store complimented my non heart glasses (which tbh are even cuter on me) and just!! :DD

i've been devouring this one fic in particular today and just!!!! i've already read it, i'm rereading bc there was an update but it's been a bit, but it's so good a;lksdjfs;ladkjfa

i've kind of set up a new schedule for myself where every other night then i do sudokus and listen to bomBARDed for 20-30 minutes and that's tonight so i'm gonna go do that!! i'm excited for it :]

oh wait also i don't have time to read it tonight so i'll have to find out tmrw but i Think i found a fic i've been looking for for a while so !!!!! cross ur fingers everyone i'm real hopeful alksjdf;lsakdf

#food cw #since i talk about it sm alkjd;sjfd #if anyone needs me to put that tag more regularly on my good morning posts lmk #link goes to ghost kings and gotham bats on ao3 which is a dp/dc crossover fic!!#it was a lil funny bc it's been a few months and i've read so many dp/dc fics that i was like 'which one??? is this?? again???'#and then as i was beginning it i was like 'yeah this sure seems familiar. idr what comes next but i do remember approximately these words'#and then it was like 'oh wait is this the one about [xyz]?? *reads on* oh it IS sick okay!!'#meri monologues #it's a good good good good good good morning #ALSO WHEN I POST THIS IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY /ref

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pansyboybloom · 5 months

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Some transmen act like this wave of anti transmasculinity doesn't also affect transwomen

Transmascs are ripped to shreds for enjoying masculinity because it's "harmful, they are embrassing the enemy, and men inherently evil"

Transmen are told that they don't need to pass or be masc, mainly so they can be fetishized as "cute little uwu fem cuntboys"

Transfems are ripped to shreds if they don't immediately change everything about them and stop being masculine because they "need to escape the evil gender"

Transwomen are told they don't need to pass but are immediately called "ugly, gross, and predatory" if they forget to shave for a single day

This also especially hits poc trans people even harder, but everyone refuses to listen to them.

Anyways, being trans doesn't mean you are suddenly immune to terf propaganda

Same anon as not immune to terf propaganda but I'm still not done Is there a specific kind of oppression that transmen/mascs feel? Yes. Is there a small group of transfems that propagate that oppression? Yes. Does that suddenly mean you get to be a misogynistic dickhead? Absolutely not. I say this as a transmasc, but why tf are we not lifting each other up? We owe so much to black trans women in queer history. Also, this loud group of misogynistic transmen is ruining it for everyone. I literally struggled to accept that I was trans for the longest time because "Well, I like and respect women, so I can't be a man." Trans people in the US are going through the fucking ringer with all the transphobic bills and laws being placed. We need to get the fuck over this hatred and stand together

gonna answer the two asks as one and break it down point by point. forgive me if my wording is a little off, i am schizoaffective and have been having a hard time with word/brain salad and I have to type a lot with a s2t bc my tremors are. Not Great. today. still, i will try my best! this is super, super, suuuuuuper long, so feel free to take your time to read and digest it

I'm gonna start with the biggest, most misplaced point first: Anyways, being trans doesn't mean you are suddenly immune to terf propaganda.

im assuming, in this context and the context of your next ask, you are calling trans women terfs for having problems with misogynistic trans men or making 'all men suck' jokes and trans men terfs for being transmisogynistic.

do you know what a terf is? one of the core tenets of radical feminism is the concept of sex essentialism and sociological gender theory. i say sex and not gender essentialism as i feel it better describes their 'bio sex first' dichotomy. the idea, in gross terms, is that there is a natural, innate difference between the sexes that is rigid and immovable, creating gender roles. men = innately masculine, aggressive, etc, women = innately small, weak, feminine, etc. it is noticeable in its extremeness when used by radfems, and when used by terfs, that binary essentialism is applied to our sex to misgender us. sociological gender theory is a complex theory, but in part it can be described as the idea that gender is 100% socially constructed, and must be abolished, making trans people the actual essentalists as we are using gender stereotypes to pass. that's obv not true, but when have radfems ever cared abt that lmao.

how, with this knowledge of some of the base beliefs of terfs, does that match either party of trans men or women in this situation? it doesn't. women calling out men for misogyny =/= terfs. men being misogynistic to trans women is horrible but =/= terfs. terfs are not boogiemen at night. they are a group with a belief system that is upheld by lots of horrible, but in depth, theory. i actually recommend looking into some of it, if you can stomach it, just to see where they come from. know your enemy, you know? bc the more you understand terfs, the less the word is applied to people that do not fit the def of a 'trans exclusionary radical feminist'. this 'problem' (quotations bc it is a gross simplification) of trans men being dicks and trans women understandably removing themselves from the community to find community with each other? not terfy in the slightest.

Transmascs are ripped to shreds for enjoying masculinity because it's "harmful, they are embrassing the enemy, and men inherently evil"

okay, im gonna be frank-- in my 2 years out as nonbinary, 7 years living out as a man in one form or another, 5 on t, and 3 with top surgery, having had my tubes tied, name changed, and in the process of getting phallo, i have very, very rarely seen that ideology outside of terfs. i have mostly seen the 'tricked girl' ideology, like that in 'Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters', written by Abigail Shrier in 2020, and the concept of rapid onset dysphoria in girls, which suggests disorders like bipolar, bpd, and childhood sexual trauma combined with trans influences 'trick' little girls into thinking they are dysphoric.

I have seen the 'men are evil and you are Becoming Evil' by terfs, but i think that comes down to sex essentalism and sociological gender theory more than misandery/transmisandery. i'm gonna post a post i made about there right here:

i don't believe the reason trans men are punished for 'becoming' men is because of hate for the masculinity they are becoming [but instead a form of misogyny and sex essentalism]. a trans woman is punished for leaving behind manhood and treated with disgust for adopting femalehood because purposefully abandoning the ideal and powerful in society (men) to become the despised and weak in society (women) is 'unbelievably unnatural' and dangerous to the structure of society. the lamb eating the lion, the child killing the parent. [...] trans men, on the other hand, are reaching for that 'ideal'. we are trying to leave behind the despised and weak [...] that's why radfems and similar 'feminists' say we are betraying our sex; they see it as leaving behind safety (women) for the enemy (men). to them, we are leaving them to rot in alone womanhood while we try to become the privileged ones stepping on their necks. this is also why the narrative surrounding trans women is predatory and sexual-- women only have power through sex, so a man would only want to leave manhood for sexual gratification-- while the narrative for us is that we are pathetic and tricked. women are stupid and delusional if they believe they could ever leave behind our oppression for privilege, so obviously it must be outside influence to give us such ridiculous ideas.

i've also talked about it here:

that's why i don't see me being discriminated against as a trans man as something uniquely tied to anti-maleness / misandery/ androphobia / etc, but instead, just a facet of transphobia and misogyny [...] I'm seen as a ruined woman because i betrayed gender roles. to them, im not transitioning because i am, ya know, actually a man, instead, i'm purposefully clawing my way out of the pit and hightailing it to the top, which is threatening. society doesn't like when women (trans men) are suddenly trying to be a class that is protected and privileged. im not transitioning to get access to privilege, but that's what it looks like to a transphobe, be them conservative man or radfem. im scary because im rocking the boat, not because im masculine, and they hate me because im showing their binary and hierarchy are false, not because im masculine. im [...] a ruined woman and a rotten woman because of misogynistic binary power structures, not because im a dude. ya know? anyways, what holds me back is the gender binarist, cissexist, transphobic, and misogynistic stew that affects all trans people,

Transmen are told that they don't need to pass or be masc, mainly so they can be fetishized as "cute little uwu fem cuntboys"

This isn't anti transmasculine in that.... almost every trans person experiences this. being fetishized and told they can stay their bio gender and gnc at the same time (so long as they stay thin and conventionally attractive) is something sooo many trans people, especially trans women face. look at sissy porn. look at traps. look at femboys. look at fucking f1nnster! all used as excuses to try and convince trans women they can just be gnc men. as a gnc man myself, i have been told this constantly, all the time, even after growing fucking facial hair on t and chopping the titties off.

'but emil' you say 'if all trans people experience it, then it's transmisandery too!' ill put it this way, using my mental health as an example. im schizoaffective, and as such, i experience mania, similar to many mood disorders, especially bipolar. if someone says something shitty about mania, me and a bipolar person are effected. would i claim that this is specifically anti-schizo discrimination? no, because it isn't unique to me. it's just ableism. these comments aren't unique to trans men. it's just plain transphobia.

Transfems are ripped to shreds if they don't immediately change everything about them and stop being masculine because they "need to escape the evil gender"

in the most respectful way possible, yeah im calling bullshit. i have never, ever heard of a trans woman being encouraged by someone, cis or trans, to transition because they resemble the oppressor. in fact, i have heard 'trans women are transitioning to become oppressors in women's spaces' and 'trans women are male crossdressers', stressing their maleness not as something to be left behind but instead inherit to them and unremovable, or, god forbid 'they are male autogynephilics', once again demonizing them for 'daring' to be women. In Julia Serano's 'Whipping Girl: Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity', written in 2007 which actually coined the term 'transmisogyny' (that i highly recommend) Serano discusses how radfems would actually argue they stay men because, even while gnc, trans women threatened the sex essentialist binary less than if they transitioned. This also lines up with the Serano's idea of cissexism, or the belief or assumption that cis people’s gender identities, expressions, and embodiments are more natural and legitimate than those of trans people. By keeping trans women from transitioning and keeping them as 'weird men', the binary is enforced and men and women stay separate, and cis people's naturalness stays secured.

Transwomen are told they don't need to pass but are immediately called "ugly, gross, and predatory" if they forget to shave for a single day

Nope, not antitransmasculinism. That's textbook misogny, and even more so transmisogyny. Any woman, especially fat, Black, and lesbian women, will tell you about how they have to overperform femininity to avoid being seen as threatening and 'gross'-- hell, there are literally thousands of books written on it. For trans women, the stress and pressure is even greater, not because people hate men, but because they don't see them as women and are looking for an excuse to have proof for their biases. Trans women are seen as predatory autogynophiliacs in dresses trying to indoctrinate little girls and rape our children, not because they're seen as men, but because they are trans women. Let's not take trans women's discrimination and specific oppression and make it about us, okay?

This also especially hits poc trans people even harder, but everyone refuses to listen to them.

Won't speak too much on this, being white, but are trans women of color not speaking on how we're being transmisogynistic, and often participating in transmisogynoir? Have you put any effort into paying attention to these women? Why are trans men of color being used to prove anti transmasculinity but trans women of color are being ignored?

Is there a specific kind of oppression that transmen/mascs feel? Yes. Is there a small group of transfems that propagate that oppression? Yes. Does that suddenly mean you get to be a misogynistic dickhead? Absolutely not.

I'm gonna agree to disagree on this one and hold my tongue or we could be here forever. I think we face discrimination that includes forced misogyny and systemic transphobia and have unique experiences, as all trans people do, but not enough for it to be some entirely new form of systemic oppression, let alone enough systemic oppression for a group of minority women to 'oppress' in any way that maters. words have meaning. oppression is systemic. and notice how the only women being attacked are the ones vocal about transmisogyny and feminism in the first place? are you gonna tell me feminists are oppressing you next?

I say this as a transmasc, but why tf are we not lifting each other up? We owe so much to black trans women in queer history.

then, frankly, put your money where your mouth is. set a good example, call out trans men in our community and hold them accountable for transmisoginy. learn. grow. read transfeminist theory. (i really recommend Whipping Girl as a starting place) read transfeminist memoirs. befriend trans women and make sure they feel safe in your spaces. include them in your feed. make them feel safe. defend them. protect them. we may not have much in the way of male privilege, but we can absolutely hold each other accountable. And don't minimize them to 'history'. Many of those women are still alive, and there are plenty of women making a difference now. Heaven knows im not perfect and I've held my tongue for too long, but if i can do it, you can!

As to 'why aren't we lifting each other up' ask yourself-- why are you more concerned with being lifted up than you are lifting others? why are you more worried about people being nice than you are transmisogyny, misogyny, misogynoir, etc? Feminism is a modern issue.

Trans people in the US are going through the fucking ringer with all the transphobic bills and laws being placed. We need to get the fuck over this hatred and stand together

We can't stand together because of these trans men. They are actively holding us back. And that is our responsibility to end. Full stop. If a disabled person is being sanist to me, and i call them out, and then they talk abt ableist bills and how we're in this together, id be pretty pissed. if i was a trans woman and a trans man was transmisogynistic to me, and i call them out, and then they talk about bathroom bills and how we're all in this together, i'd be pretty pissed.

Also, another argument for another day, but look up concepts like effemimania. A lot of these bills target those girls more than they do us.

Thank you for reading.

#long post #transmisogyny #transandrophobia

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jonnnysuh · 3 years

Text

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat. You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place. The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up." The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother. The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways." You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

"I'm about to get on a bus home."

"Well, don't get on."

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped.

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited.

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked.

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside."

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits. You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned. Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

"That exact same one."

"Anything else?"

You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

"Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life. The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were. He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

"So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window. You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first.

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on."

"Chan, right?"

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

"Why? Do you still have a crush on him?"

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

"You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water. You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand.

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best. The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets.

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home. To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

“You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

“You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

“Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed.

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other.

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head.

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

“What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground.

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up. Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

"You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder. "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out. I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked. You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for.

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machinegunbun · 4 years

Text

UnConventional Bakers [Pete]

Requested? no

word count? 1.7k

TW? None

A/n: it’s like 80% dialogue bc it’s supposed to be a tv show. whadder ya gonna do

The props department did a wonderful job this season, comedy inspired props sprinkled about the set. Mic stands ended in lollipops, rice krispy stools covered in modeling chocolate, Comedians stood at every station, patiently awaiting directions.

Conventional Bakers was finally ready for shooting its first season. It was a show about famous people coming together on a baking show and competing. It would have everyone from singers to actors or, in this case, comedians. Every season would be inspired by the careers of the people competing.

“On this season of UnConventional Bakers we are joined by,” the camera took turns panning to each comedian as you said their name.

“Kevin Hart, Pete Davidson, Adam Sandler and…” you paused for dramatic effect “Fluffy!!!”

The comedians protest coming fast after

Why’d he get all the excitement?” Adam asks

“Yeah, i’m literally your fiance what the fuck.” Pete adds, laughing “I don’t like that, i don’t like that shit. I got my eye on you Gabriel.”

“Don’t hate me cause I'm beautiful.” Fluffy replies

“Bakers! Comedians, whatever,” you call out, trying to regain their attention, Pete playfully mumbled but returned his attention “if you want a chance at winning you will have to pay attention.”

“Got it, go. No wait… yeah okay, go.” Adam interrupts, causing you to bite back a smile. This would be a long shoot

“For tonight's challenge, you’re in for a treat. Because it’s only the first round, we’ll take it easy on you and allow teams.” muted murmurs fell over the room as they decided who would be on whose team, “Tonight we will be making the one thing a comedian couldn’t live without.” Your co-star, Nicole Byers, continues.

“Weed.” Pete guesses,

“No, their audience.”

“Oh, speak for yourself.”

“You will be making your very own audience cupcakes. When we say go you will head to your baking stations where you will find step by step instructions on how to make your audience, along with photo references and the clock will begin counting down.” You say

“Go, go, go! What are you waiting for?!” Nicole rushes, you take your seat as they make their way to the respective stations. The teams ended up being Pete and Kevin, Gabe and Adam.

Things were going pretty smoothly, the comedians racing back and forth from the ingredients to their stations as things began starting up. As you look around, you see Pete and Kevin looking confused as they stare at the instructions.

“Something wrong, sweety?” you ask

“No, all good over here. Thanks for asking.” Gabe pipes up, you laugh and make your way over to Pete

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I shouldn’t have dropped out of college.”

“How come? What's wrong?”

“I need ⅔ a cup, but there’s not a ⅔ measurement cup.” he says

“Well, if you need ⅔ but there's not one, you just take two--”

“Don’t patronize me. I got it.” Kevin cuts you off in the middle of explaining, grabbing two handfuls of flour and throwing it in the mixer “There, that should work.”

You sigh, making your way over to the other stations to check on how everyone else was doing. Adam was doing well, which wasn’t a surprise considering he’s a father and probably does some baking at home.

“Gabe, how are you doing?”

“Not good, I’m used to eating cake and not making it.”

“Oh hush, you’re doing fine!” You encourage, leaning forward to whisper to him “Kevin just measured flour with his hands, so I think you’ll be okay.”

“Guys, I think they’re talking about you.” Adam yells

“Yeah, I know.” Pete laughs.

“That's okay, cause you know what? Haters gonna hate.” Kevin yells

After making your rounds you sat back down, turning to face a laughing Nicole.

“That wasn’t sugar, that was salt.” She barely squeaks out “They’re gonna be so gross” you nod and laugh along, all but excited for the dishes that would soon be in front of you.

“On that note, can we get some water?” You call out to the team behind you

“And a medic?” Nicole adds

“And a mathematician. You understand this shit?” Pete says

“What? Basic measurements? Yeah baby, I do.”

Before you knew it the timer had gone off and the cupcakes were sat in front of you.

“So, these are what your audience were supposed to look like, and this is what they do look like.” Nicole says, vaguely gesturing to the cupcakes

“We- we uh, we took some creative liberties.” Pete says through a laugh

“Well, let’s see what it tastes like.” you say, grabbing one from the crowd and cheersing it with Nicole’s

“Might as well get this over with.” she says, making a clink noise with her mouth, as she does there's another noise too. The rock hard exteriors made a clunk noise. Your jaw dropped as you made eye contact with Nicole, not believing what had just happened

“Wait.” you say, grabbing another and throwing it at the ground with all the force you could muster. It cracked directly in half, crumbs flying across the floor.

“Pete!” you yell, an amused smile painted across your face. Pete laughs, covering his face

“I have no idea what happened.”he says, picking up the cupcake from the floor

“This is my passion, how did you fuck up this hard?!”

“I have no fucking idea.” he laughs, crumbling it up in his hand.

“I guess we still have to taste it.” you say, grabbing another and cracking a piece off on the table, handing one to Nicole. When you bite down there's an audible crunch that makes everyone in the room wince. You can’t help the expression that overcomes your face as the taste hits your tongue, looking over to Nicole to confirm it wasn’t just you. It wasn’t.

You attempt to open your water, your hand slipping again and again until Pete walks over and opens it for you, feeding you the water as he apologizes through his laughter. It took you a minute of held back gags to recompose yourself, but when you finally did you said,

“Your BLEEP is sweeter than this.” You say, deeply preferring it over the burnt, salty, crunchy thing in front of you.

“Really?” Pete asks, laughing and when you nod your head it only makes him laugh harder.

“Pete, you fucked up Pete.” Kevin says.

“Dont throw this on him, you’re the one who wouldn’t listen.” You say, looking over to Nicole who had resorted to licking the icing off the cupcake

“Look at what you’ve done to this poor lady. You should be ashamed. It’s gotta be a zero from me” You laugh, more than ready to move on.

“You know what, the icing wasn’t bad,” They began to fight over who had made the icing. “I don’t care, just promise to never do that again. Adam, Gabe, before I take a bite you have to promise me it won’t be like that.” Nicole says, dead serious. They shake their head, letting out little reassurances while choking down their laughter. You take a deep breath before lifting the cupcake to your mouth and taking a small test bite, surely traumatized.

To your delight, it was actually very good. You smiled and nodded, taking another bite as Kevin and Pete groaned, knowing they’d surely lost.

“I feel like theirs was so bad we can’t even celebrate.” Adam says.

“Yeah, i don’t think we need to add insult to injury by announcing the winners of this round. On to the next?!” You cheer, preparing to announce what would come next.

“For your next challenge, we will be making cupriphon- cupcakeriphones- Okay, the name hasn’t been completely sorted out yet, cupcake microphones!” You announce

“Yes! And because we felt bad for the loser, that’s just in the script so i had to say it, i don’t actually feel bad for you that was disgusting. Because we felt bad for the loser, we decided to give them a leg up. If you look at the stations, two of them have buttons. They’re called the happy heckler buttons and when you press them a timer will be set and either Y/N or myself will go yell encouragement to your teammates until it goes off.” Nicole says

“Awhh, so sweet. Ready? Set? Go!” You yell, watching them scatter to try to find a station.

“Ay, stay back this is mine.” Fluffy says to Adam, haphazardly wielding a knife, momentarily fighting over a station before Nicole reminds them the timer is counting down. They take a look at their ingredients before rushing over to the storage space and grabbing what they need.

You’d managed to get to the decorating stage with little to no issues when you hear Kevin yelling, “Pete! I need your help, I need those long legs pete.” straining to grab something from the top shelf

“Hold on, one second.” He says, glancing back momentarily as he tried to finish decorating.

“Oh shit, you’re already decorating?” Kevin asks as Pete hands him what he needed before walking back to his station.

“Yeah, catch up.” Pete says

“Okay, i’ll catch up, if that's what you want.” Kevin says, slamming his button down in a melodramatic act of sabotage.

Nicole yells in excitement, ready for some action, running over to distract Pete.

“You dick! I thought we were friends.” he says, slamming his own button. You run over, making sure to get in Kevins face as you encourage him, giving him slaps on the back and shaking his shoulders. Things had gotten very chaotic, very fast.

When the four minutes were over you left Kevin’s station for Pete’s, hanging out with him as his cupcakes cooked in the oven. He was bent over in a hug with you, small kisses being pressed to each others lips.

“Doing so good baby.” you mumble, fingers tangled in his hair. Usually you didn’t like PDA, but you had made an exception today because it had been a long shoot and you missed him.

“Way better than last time.” He confirms, remembering last time they had burnt and opting to check the oven.

“Look at that! This aint fair, Pete’s sleepin with the judges!” Kevin yells, making everyone laugh

“You could be too, Kevin.” Nicole winks

“Nicole, you’re both married.” You remind them

“Hey, that's show business baby.” Kevin jokes

When it all came to an end, Adam ended up winning and it was a surprise.. To no one. He was the only one even kind of equipped to win and he rode that all the way to the finish line.

#pete davidson #pete davidson fluff #pete davidson fic #pete davidson fanfic #pete davidson x reader

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catboyshinsou · 4 years

Text

sick headcanons!

anon request: i love your writing smmm !! 🥺 can i request mha sick hcs where they take care of the reader when they don’t feel well 🥺 you choose who !! <3333

a/n: sorry it took so long <//3

pairings: Kaminari, Kirishima, Tokoyami and Monoma x sick,g/n!reader

warnings: none rlly, mention of throwing up in monoma, slight manga spoilers

can be seen platonically and romantically <3

kaminari:

Tbh i think he’d be quite Useless

Just rlly panicky n stuff bc what the fuck does one do with a sick person???

*walks into your dorm* “hey y-n wanna- WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOK TERRIBLE”

*you in a blanket and not having enough energy to be offended* “i think i’m dying” “y/n WHAT”

He’d try his best regardless tho

He goes to sato and helps with doing something soothing and welcoming

On his way back to your dorm he passes aizawa and tells him you’re sick in THE worst way

“Oh yeah Aizawa-sensei, y/n is dying-” “THEY’RE WHAT”

Kami would definitely storm into the room with him and be just as worried

What if it was something really serious??? Like the plague?????

They find you just laying in bed, sniffling and groaning

Turns out it wasn’t the plague and just a bad flu

Flu with its whole jazz, you had a fever of 38C and you could barely move

Aizawa got you excused from classes for about a week and left again

Kami just stood there with his soup and went “oh thank god you're not dying”

like i said i think he'd be useless but try his best

he checks up on you every half hour either in person or via text during classes

he brings you stuff like blankets and foods even though you can't taste any of them or have any type of appetite

but! thanks to the fridge in your room you just had snacks for about… forever

he gave you extra attention too

sometimes he'd just sit on the ground and talk about his day and theories while you just laid under your blanket

you appreciated it though

except for aizawa, sato and tsuyu nobody came over and even they just came in every few hours

kami stayed for hours on end and even tried to convince aizawa to let him sleep over so he could “watch over you” incase you “stopped breathing”

it's not like you slept much when he was around anyway, nights were not ideal for a good rest on a sick day

it was endearing seeing him lay on a futon on the floor and poking you when he had to get up for class

he leaves notes and stuff to make sure you didn't get worried

did he do anything to make you feel better physically? not rlly

did he lift your spirits and make you feel less lonely? most definitely

kirishima:

hear me out

this boy is an angel when it comes to caring for people

when he got into the whole essentially self care stuff he also knows what's best for others

he was probably one of the first to notice you being ~off your game~

whether in class or just yknow vibing, he'd tap your shoulder and softly “you okay man?”

he calls everyone dude and man and bro no matter gender or anything he's just that into the manliness stuff

and yes he puts you in essentially self isolation more for yourself than for others

“your body needs to rest y/n! can't properly get better if everyone keeps bothering you!”

he calls you every night tho and he has aizawa bring you stuff when he checks up on you (he's allowed because he's the teacher ofc also as long you're a UA student like one of your legal guardians which is like a dad and dads can see their kids sick right?)

stuff ranges from just bowls of soup to compresses to the handmade ointment against a sore throat to like socks he knitted or something his parents sent in bc he told them you were sick

yes this boy tells his parents you're sick

i mean someone probably told yours but like twice the parents means twice the comfort!

alternatively if your parents are *cough* he'd tell his parents and put you on the phone with them because everyone needs some parental love from time to time (don't act tough about it, he's gonna make you cry and tell you how manly you are for doing so)

when you're back on your feet he probably still treats you like you're about to fall over for like two or three days more

he praises you for how well you did during your essential quarantine and when you say you didn't do anything he says some cheesy stuff about manliness

“bro i'm so proud of you for getting through it!” “i didn't do anything kiri-” “don't say that! it takes so much energy and manliness to keep in self isolation and get better, you did amazing”

tokoyami:

i love birds

also look at baby toko he's so cute

do birds get sick?

anyways

tokoyami is like.. helpful but tries to be undercover about it

he's not gonna ignore you or anything

he's the type to like silently nudge teachers into your area so they could see you were clearly sick and send you back to the dorms to rest

but he'd never actually ask you or tell anyone

it would ruin his whole ~vibe~

dark shadow tells him to tell someone and he rlly does especially if he sees you struggling through it in class but he's also just not great at talking with people so a nudge or “secret note” will have to do

it does work, you're in your dorm right before combat training because mic had sent you up and excused you

mic is sweet he said he'd send aizawa up when he finds him but that you should rest

he also tells you that you have some really attentive friends

you're at this point just letting the sickness take over you so you have no idea what he just said (you heard him but the words just didn't register in your brain)

you get into bed and the first thing you do is sleep through afternoon classes

tokoyami is only at 50% today and so is dark shadow

tokoyami swears he isn't worried, the teachers are capable of taking care of you in an appropriate manner so that you will recover in no time

dark shadow on the other hand is all gittery and doesn't wanna focus on anything but you

off topic but i just think dark shadow is tokoyamis way of showing emotions or well like… like his internal thoughts? not like his internal dialogue but ya know his feelings

so he can act all goth and dramatic but dark shadow is a good way of still giving some of his feelings an output

back to you

so training is over and so is your nap

but you wake up to pillows, stuffed animals, blankets and more pillows surrounding you

half of them weren't yours either

they laid around you like some kind of pillow fortress jusy surrounding you and making sure you didn't hit your head on the wall or fall from the bed

it kinda felt like a nest- oh

you tried getting up, your head almost immediately flinging uoh back into bed but you needed to see if a certain someone would come back in to build the nest

“dark shadow, be quiet we don't want them to w- oh you're up”

tokoyami came in with more stuffies and an extra blanket like it was a siberian winter and your rooms only source of warmth was an almost dying candle

“are those yours?” you asked half asleep, your head absolutely booming

you could barely keep your eyes open, that's how exhausted you were but you made an effort to smile at the bird and his shadow

“uh no, yaomomo-san insisted on making some blankets for you and hagakure-san, ashido-san and uraraka-san gave me all their stuffed animals when they heard i was paying you a visit-” “but the blue star blanket and teardrop pillow are from fumi!! he brought them from home because he can't sleep without them!!” “DARK SHADOW!”

you only chuckled before breaking out in a cough again

aizawa came in some time after and had a hard time finding you under all the blankets and stuffies and even offered to tell the class to stop bothering you

but you just laid there all cozy and told him to let them be

“it's how he shows affection, it's nice”

monoma:

oh so the 1A student got sick??? huh??? I thought 1A was invincible hUUUUUUH??? *manic laughter*

coughs

anyways

so basically the two hero courses are more “in tune” after the joint training

they often have dinners together and it isn't rare to see kendo come over with monoma and tetsu^4

she came over to hang with the girls and tetsu had training sessions with kiri

nobody rlly knew why monoma tagged along though

all he did was spout about how average everything is for the “superior hero course”

he did secretly like the classes growing together more though

he'd sit on the couch with you and occasionally laugh about something else other than his team beating yours during joint training

one day he came in and didn't see you at your usual spot

“ehhhh??? where's the only tolerable person in this course??”

used to his lowkey insults deku pointed you out at the dinner table, head resting on your hand and looking over some homework

“y/n what are you- oh my god you look horrible”

“thanks monoma, you're as nice as ever”

your face was drained of any colour, eyes heavy lidded and you could barely control the pen that scribbled over the paper

he tried grabbing your wrist but pulled back immediately

you were way too hot and the fact that he noticed by grabbing your wrist meant that it was more than just a high fever

“is 1A that incompetent that they couldnt even notice their classmate falling sick??? can you guys do anything but trouble???”

“shut up monoma, we tried getting them to bed but they insisted on finishing up first and there's nothing in the world that can get y/n away from what they've put their head to”, kaminari yelled from the living room space

how were you gonna get anything finished if your head was falling off your shoulders if you didn't hold it up

class 1A really was incompetent

“sato-san, give me a hand”

sato, who was currently cooking up dinner, just held out his hand and some type of chocolate bar which monoma grabbed and ate up

“this is incredibly sweet, i don't know how you do it”

it's become like half a routine for monoma to copy quirks for whatever reason

kiri and tetsu used it to determine which quirk was handier

uraraka’s quirk made cleaning up after a game night easier

it was training for all of them

monoma could train his copy and the others could measure how much they've grown from his reaction to it

anyways

sato’s quirk kicked in and he lifted you up over his shoulder

“monoma!” you could barely lift your voice, faintly kicking

before you knew it he placed you on your bed in your dorm and sighed

“you're lighter than i thought”

“i think i'm gonna throw up”

so you hurled into your garbage can

monoma held back whatever there was to hold back

(he was very much disgusted but even he knew that this wasn't the time to let any type of negative emotion show)

“jolly gees y/n, what did you have for breakfast?!”

you laid in bed as he passed you a water bottle

“you need to drink something, you lost a lot of water”

“awe caring for me, monoma?”

“this is for general health, y/n. i would never as much as care for anyone, especially not a brat from 1A. who even knew that any of you could fall sick huh?! weren't you supposed to be superior to the rest of us??!”

he said all of that while putting a blanket on you and opening the window for fresh air

“god you 1A fools really are incompetent!”

he went into your bathroom and soaked a small towel in water

“i'm only doing this so you don't infect anyone. god you could cause an epidemic at UA and in the end 1b would fall victim to you as well! this is all just for the general well-being!”

you didn't even hear what he was saying anymore

with a half empty bottle next to your head, you slept peacefully

monoma let out a deep breath when he saw you

“i'd never care for anyone in 1A, i'm better than that…”

he whispered those words to himself

(he did care)

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