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multi-fandomedfreak · 11 months

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Sanders Sides - How they would comfort you during a panic attack

Authors note: I miss my favorite boys and got motivation to write for some reason so lets gooo. I just wrote the core four so if you want Remus and Janus feel free to leave a comment.

⚠TW!⚠: Mentions of panic attacks, fluff, prob a little angst ig if you squint

👑Roman👑

-Roman would be his dramatic self (bc of course he would be) but at the same time would think up of ideas on the fly on how to help as you have your panic attack

-Would probably BOMBARED you with questions as he tries to figure out his best on how to help until he figures out that you wont be able to answer all too well in your panicked state

-If you indicate that you want to be held, he will hold you against his chest firmly so you can hear the comforting sound of his heart beating

-If not, he will simply sit and/or lay next to you until your panic attack is over, affirming you that he’s there for you

-Afterward, he will shower you with all sorts of comforting words -in both english and spanish- and shower you with acts of service (Bringing you some comfort items, making sure you’re comfortable, ect.)

-If you like physical affection, he will cuddle with you and pepper kiss all over you. Your face, your hands, your neck, your arms, your shoulders, ect.

-Like, literally no part of your body is safe from his onslought of kisses if you let him

-Don’t like physical affection? No worries he will simply keep you company but that won’t stop him from complimenting you every chance he gets

-He will compliment your eyes, your laugh, your humor, literally anything and everything he can think of. Which is a lot considering he’s creativity

-If it makes you feel better, Roman will bring you to his mind palace and create stuff specifically for you

💙Logan💙

-Being that he is the most logical side and doesn’t do well with emotions, he will obviously try to go about it the logical way

-Will most likely know what to do already since he has helped many of Thomas’ friends from panic attacks and has helped Virgil before in the past

-Logans definitely the kind of person to just sit close to you while trying to give you space at the same time, not wanting to overwhelm you even more

-If you ask to be held, know its gonna be kind of a stiff hug at first since Logan isn’t used to physical affection (Patton tries to surprise hug him from time to time due to that reason)

-After a while though, seeing that it’s helping you calm down from the panic attack, he definitely melts into the hug. Even after you’ve calmed down he still won’t let go (someone give him a hug please he needs it)

-If you don’t like physical affection or just don’t like hugs, he’ll probably hold your hand through your panic attack as he guides you through breathing excersises

-You’ll both just sit or lay in silence, enjoying each others presence for a while before one of you breaks the silence and you both just talk about random things

-Just small, light hearted things to lift the mood. “You’re so cute.” “Objectively, I’m actually considered average looking.” “You call yourself ‘average looking’ one more time and I’ll put salt instead of sugar in your coffee.” “....” “Exactly.” (this is so cute omg i’m about to implode)

🍪Patton🍪

-Omg Patton goes into full on DAD MODE the minute he knows your having a panic attack. He might be able to see if before it even happens bc he just has that kind of, caring-for-others-more-than-himself-mode built in him.

-Kind of like Roman and Logan put into one because he will ask if theres anything he can do to help and sort of knows how to deal with a panic attack but isn’t too sure

-Sooo, he just looks it up on his phone real quick. Once he understands what to do, he will help you through it with a kind and comforting voice

-I feel like his voice will definitely help ground you more than anything because its just so cute the way that he says “everythings ok” and “I’m here for you, kiddo” and just things like that

-If you want to be held, BOY YOU BETTER BE READY FOR SOME REAL GOOD HUGS/CUDDLES

-Patton literally gives the best cuddles I dunno what to tell you other than you will most likely fall asleep if you cuddle each other

-And will most definitely give you forehead kisses

-Don’t like to be touched? No problemo because he WILL make you something to eat and drink, especially if its your favorite/comfort food. I’m not even joking he will probably start baking a cake right there and then if thats your favorite treat

-He just loves to show you his love through his food overall

-Once you’ve calmed down he talks rambles about anything that will make you feel better once you’re all calmed down

💜Virgil💜

-My poor emo boy definitely knows how to handle a panic attack but has only ever dealt with panic attacks by himself so when he sees you having one

-He kind of freezes.

-Once he snaps out of it though, he’s definitely panicking a little bit too with you as he attempts to think of everything he can to help you

-He’s kind of a guy who hesitates before doing anything because he just really isn’t sure but starts to calm down after seeing you calm down too

-If you indicate that you want to be held through your panic attack, he will be a little stiff at first but not in the way Logan is stiff

-Stiff as in he’s not sure if he’s doing this right and hopes that this actually comforts you

-Dont wanna be held? He’ll just offer you some comforting items kind of like a crow and its so cute that it really helps you calm down

-Once you calm down, he will constantly be checking up on you to make sure you’re ok

-”You comfortabe?” “ Need anything else?” “I can get something for you if you want.”

-He’ll probably offer you his sweater too and once you put it on its smells so much like him and its absolute heaven

-You’ll def make him blush if you take a deep breathe of his scent on his sweater

-He’ll put on your favorite movie and chill with you in the living room for a while to make you feel better

#virgil #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #thomas sanders sides #patton #patton sanders #roman sanders #roman #logan #logan sanders #sanders sides x reader #sanders sides #sanders sides headcanon

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 months

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Happy Tears

insecure virgil who fears that janus and remus only kept him close out of pity because of his anxiety – anon

I’m not putting the whole ask heard bc by god is it long

Read on Ao3

Warnings: panic attacks, insecure virgil, touch starvation

Pairings: virgil/janus/remus, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 3970

Virgil is no stranger to tears. Of fear, of anger, of panic, of sadness. Especially since he's become distant from his family, the two people who he misses more than his own shadow. Perhaps, though, he is not the only one missing someone so terribly it aches.

There are few things more truly upsetting than learning that someone you thought cared for you is only doing so out of the genuine kindness they themselves possess and not out of anything that makes you special to them.

Everything they have done for you, every bit of kindness paid to you, every time you thought to go to them because you knew they would make you feel safe…all of it is a testament to how good of a person they are and has nothing to do with you. You are but another recipient of their kindness. There isn’t anything that differentiates you from everyone else they choose to be kind to because they are kind and the world is all the better for it and their world would only change slightly if you were no longer receiving that kindness. And there is something…oddly wonderful about that, for how lucky are you to have known even a day of kindness, and how crushing it is to discover that it isn’t your own virtue that sprung up that desire for kindness.

Perhaps that, in and of itself, is a whole new kind of selfishness.

Virgil knows, he does, that he is not easy to care for. He doesn’t make it easy, how can he, when his brain is constantly trying to make itself believe the worst? How can he, when even the merest offer of kindness is misconstrued to be a trick? Or when he lashes out in fear and anger and hurts those who would come to help him? What use is there for something that breaks if someone so much as looks at it wrong?

He tried to explain it once, when the kindness had come in the form of soft words and gentle questions, to say that he becomes convinced that everyone secretly hates him, that every time he’s gone they all think about how much better it would be if he didn’t come back, or that one day they’ll realize how much of a pain he is to deal with and cut him swiftly from their lives like a chunk of dead wood. And because his brain is his brain, the words had no more formed than a swift rebuttal arose, stating how cruel it was that he thought that of them, how mean it was, how unjust it was for him to think of them like that. And he’d wanted to scream at that part of himself that he wasn’t doing it on purpose, he couldn’t help it, that was him trying to explain why his brain was such an asshole, not what he was doing to make the job of paying him kindness even more challenging.

But in the end, the other side won, and he swallowed the words behind his hoodie strings.

He’s messy. He’s too messy for them to deal with. And now that they don’t have to do it anymore, why would they bother?

Because it wasn’t just the three of them in the dark anymore. It wasn’t the frantic skittering of spider legs and the wet sloshing of tentacles and the comforting hisses of a snake, no. Now the cobwebs blew through near-empty corridors as the glimmer of light led toward laughing and talking and the glimmers of a better place. The sun looked so nice sparkling on the tops of the waves, and snakes did better in the warmth of the bright light, but spiders scuttled and hid in the shadows because no one wants to look at a spider if they can help it.

He gets the irony. Really, he does. He was the first one to leave. He left them first. And he dragged his feet all the way there while the others sought to bring them out too. What right did he have to say they left him?

But how could he go to Patton, who was sweet and kind and strong enough to believe unwaveringly in the good of the world and ask him to love a spider? How could he face that with snot and tears running down his face while he screamed and shouted? How could he go to Logan, who was clever and compassionate and tell him he didn’t know what to do? How could he explain what he was doing when it was at its very core irrational? How could he go to Roman, who was brave and kind and good and ask him for anything? How could he? How dare he?

And how could he contrast the three of them with Janus and Remus, when they had been with him for as long as he could remember? How could he believe the others too good for him when everyone always had been?

No. He was too much. They didn’t deserve to deal with that. He would deal. By himself. That was better.

And it’s not like it’s all bad. He’s not—he’s not totally alone. He’s got them, he does. He has people now. He could go and talk to them if he wanted to. And they’re good people. They would listen. Because they’re kind like that. They scoop spiders up in paper towels or cups and put them outside so they can run free.

Virgil just squashes them on sight.

No. This was okay. He could make it easier for them. He can give them Virgil to deal with, not the spider.

He…he’ll be the spider by himself. In his dirty webs covered in flies. He can…he can do this. They don’t need to deal with him.

It doesn’t matter that the webs blow around all the time in the empty corridors. It doesn’t matter that the nights get colder and colder with no other moving creatures around. It doesn’t matter that he has to build his web in secret corners the Light has forgotten about.

It’s better this way.

…he just has to get over it.

***

“Virgil?”

Virgil pulls an earbud out of his head. “Yeah, Princey?”

“I have a question for you and I don’t want you to throw anything at my head.”

“So ask me a question that doesn’t make me want to throw something at your head, I don’t understand what the problem is.”

Roman sighs, huffing something that could be a laugh as he swats halfheartedly at Virgil’s leg. “Why don’t you come to movie night anymore?”

Okay. Stay calm. There’s a way to handle this question without summoning the snake.

“After all the bullshit you guys have been giving me about getting my sleep schedule on track?” He scoffs. “Now you want me to throw it all away?”

“Movie nights normally end at like, ten at the latest. And we can always start earlier if it’s really a big deal.”

“Nah.” He waves a hand. “Just not my thing.”

Roman narrows his eyes. ‘So it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that Janus and Remus have started coming to more of them?”

Shit. Shit. Shit. “What’s it to you, Princey?”

“Just—is it?”

Virgil hunches his shoulders. “What if it was? Would you stop inviting them?”

“No, but—“

“Then I don’t get why we’re having this conversation.” Virgil jams his earbud back into his ear and turns up the volume. He can see Roman still talking but he’s not listening. He’s not. He’s done with that. “I can’t hear you, you know.”

“Take the earbud out, then.”

Virgil sighs but does, turning to glare at Roman. “What?”

”I just—they miss you, Virgil.”

Now he really does scoff. “They don’t miss me.”

“I don’t think you get to decide that for them.”

“What the fuck could they possibly miss about me?” His hand balls up around the discarded earbud. “And what—no. You’re wrong, Princey. They don’t miss me.”

Roman just looks at him. His eyes narrow slightly. He’s staring at him like he’s trying to figure out what Virgil’s talking about, which—if Roman doesn’t understand there’s nothing about Virgil worth missing, that means he needs to leave before Roman figures that out.

”Whatever,” he mutters under his breath, getting up from the couch, “just—don’t ask me stupid questions.”

”Virgil, wait—“

Roman grabs his arm.

Three things happen at the same time.

First, a burning sensation rockets up Virgil’s arm and shocks his chest.

Second, his throat constricts and squeezes around every sound he could ever possibly make.

Third, he feels a very familiar tug in his gut as someone, or more accurately, two someones notice that something is wrong.

He rips his arm away from Roman and sinks out, scrabbling frantically at his chest and arm to get that feeling off of him, make it stop, go away. The room buckles and shudders around him as he yanks his headphones off and tears at his clothes. He dives under the covers and curls up tight. The mass in his chest keeps building, building, building—

They almost found out. They almost found out and they can’t find out because if they find out they’ll want to deal with it and that’s awful of him to want to make them deal with him again, not again, he can’t do that to them, they’re too good for it, how dare he t try and make them deal with the mess that he is is, with the awful thing that he is, the horrible, awful, messy, terrible thing that he is. He can’t do that. He can’t do that to them. He can’t. He can’t. He can’t.

Shame on you, the tendrils of web hiss as they shoot out in all directions, shame on you. All Roman wanted to do was check in and you were awful to him.

Stop it, he pleads through a ruined chest, stop it, stop it, stop it!

You’re the awful one, it taunts, tying him up in sticky ropes, you’re the one who insists there’s nothing to miss about you. You’re right, who the fuck could miss this?

Another slimy web wraps around his throat, burning from how cold it is. A cruel wind howls in Virgil’s ears and he curls up tighter, fists pressed against his temples to try and drown it out.

You’re such an idiot, the voice hisses, because it’s in his head, so how could he ever drown it out? You’re such a fucking idiot. You can’t do anything right. You couldn’t even make yourself scarce right.

The howling wind stings his ears and his head pounds. The sticky webs fill his lungs and his nose and he can’t breathe through them. More webs tangle up in the spider’s legs and tears glue themselves to his cheeks. It doesn’t matter how hard he tries to curl up. The wind will find him.

It’s cold.

It’s so, so cold.

He weathers it for as long as he can. The webs shake and shudder in the storm as he cries and hyperventilates. His ears fill with merciless wind and he can’t make anything other than horrible, hitching sobs until the webs glue his mouth too. But when even the wind grows tired of him, he drags himself up out of the disgusting mess he’s made of the blankets and shambles to the bathroom.

The lights make him wince. He fumbles to turn on the sink. He shoves his sleeves up to his elbows and scrubs harshly at his face. He spits out mucus and tries to remember how to breathe like a normal person. He catches sight of his face in the mirror.

There is no tragic hero in what he sees, no dramatic catharsis, no pitiable victim or wounded survivor.

There’s just a mess. A drippy, bloated, disgusting mess.

He tears his eyes away from the mirror and scrubs his face with a towel. A bit of makeup comes off on it. As he looks at it, a memory flashes to the front of his mind.

Here, a soft voice says, try this first. This will take off most of it for you.

Not that I care, another voice says, I like it. Fuck up my towel as much as you want.

Despite everything, a laugh chokes its way from his throat. He rubs his thumb over the stain, again and again. Memories swirl around, of Janus coaxing him into a cuddle, of Remus rubbing his back and playing with his hair, of the both of them gently bullying him into the bath and then into a pile of soft blankets, of them whispering that it’s okay, everything’s okay, he’s going to be okay. On instinct, he turns to show it to them, but—

But he meets an empty, blank wall.

He clutches the towel to his chest. He slides down to curl up on the floor. The tile is cold under him.

This time, when he starts crying, he can’t blame the panic attack, or the webs, or the cold, or anything other than the fact that he is enough of a mess that he can make himself get this upset over nothing at all.

***

A robin, carrying a small piece of paper in its beak over a forest of bare trees and strange creatures.

A raven, landing atop a glistening balustrade.

A deer, walking across a perilous stone bridge with a small basket strapped to its back.

A shambling rock beast with a secret compartment in its chest, crawling up the side of a babbling brook.

A dragon with gleaming red scales flying towards a tall tower of oily black stone.

A Kraken emerging from the water depths in the moat of a shining castle.

A plan.

***

Virgil gets up at the knock on his door, frowning when he opens it to see no one on the other side. He’s about to write it off as a very unoriginal prank, when he notices the card lying on the floor. He frowns, going to pick it up., A gold wax seal holds it closed and he rolls his eyes fondly as he closes his door.

Princey truly is one for the dramatics.

He opens the card, setting the envelope down on his table. There’s a cute picture of a cottage on the front and very simple text that reads: ‘Imagination. 6PM. Come and see.’

It’s li Princey knew he wasn’t getting up before 3 at the latest. He glances at the clock—2:45–and decides that yeah, sure, why not? Roman has good surprises in the Imagination more often than not, and it’s not like he’ll have to stay if he really doesn’t like whatever it ends up being.

He flips the card over to the back and laughs when he sees the other text Roman’s left for him. No tricks. Just for you. Promise.

“You’re a dork, Princey.”

When 6 rolls around, he tucks the card in the pocket of his hoodie and ambles over to the door the Imagination. He debates if he should knock—that would be polite, right?—but as soon as he raises his hand, the door swings open. He steps through into a late-afternoon path through a glade of trees. Sunlight slants through the leaves, golden light touching the stones in the path leading up to the cottage from the card. The air is pleasantly warm, not too hot for his hoodie, nor cold enough to make him grateful for it. The door to the Imagination swings shut behind him, its outline glowing for a moment before it melds seamlessly with the forest path. The smell of wildflowers and the sound of faintly-buzzing bees follows him as he walks up to the cottage.

The door opens with barely a creak as he steps inside. A tiny kitchen sits at his immediate left, a small staircase leading up to a second floor on his right. Directly in front of him are a set of large windows, each framed by curtains, and a giant mound of pillows in the centre of the floor. A fireplace sits ready and waiting tucked into the recess of one wall, directly opposite a table pushed against the side of the room. The windows are cracked, just slightly, and he realizes they’re doors. Huge glass doors that can be opened up to let the evening air in. He wanders forward, drawn by the pile that seems to sparkle in the golden hour light, his hand going to the card in his pocket.

”Wow,” he mumbles under his breath, taking another step forwards, “this…this is…wow.”

From above him, he hears the creak of floorboards, followed by footsteps on the stairs. He turns slightly to meet who he assumes is Roman, but doesn’t take his eyes off the pillows.

“This place is great, Princey. What’s the, uh, what’s the occasion?”

The footsteps come to a stop right behind him. Something out of the corner of his eye moves and he looks down to see two gloved hands wrap around his waist and pull him against a terrifyingly familiar chest.

“Gotcha,” Janus murmurs into his ear, “hi, sweetie.”

Virgil’s heart stops.

“I know Roman wrote ‘no tricks,’” Janus continues, voice still as soft and gentle as Virgil remembers, “but I’m afraid I may have…misled him a little. Not that he suspected otherwise, I’m sure, but I had a feeling you wouldn’t have come if you thought it wasn’t just Roman asking.”

“What—how—why—“

“Shh, sweetie,” he interrupts with a gentle squeeze around Virgil’s middle, “just let me talk for a little, okay? I’m not—I’m not sure if I can get all of it out if I don’t start now.”

Virgil’s mouth shuts and he nods jerkily.

“Thank you.” Janus takes a breath and Virgil can feel his hands trembling ever so slightly. “I…I’m the one who asked Roman to ask you about movie nights. I didn’t know it would upset you. I’m sorry.”

Virgil doesn’t say anything. He feels a shaky breath on the back of his neck.

“We miss you, sweetie,” comes the whisper, “we miss you, little spider.”

A whimper leaves his mouth before he can stop it and he claps his hands over his mouth to keep the rest of them in. He hears a soft noise of protest and another hand—right, because he can do that—covers them.

“I know you don’t believe me,” Janus says softly, “I know you don’t. It’s not your fault your brain is awful to you, sweetie. But I need you to believe me when I say we do miss you, Virgil, we miss you terribly.”

Virgil swallows. His throat works against the collar of his hoodie. Janus carefully pries his hands from his face and holds them tightly. The arms around his waist squeeze again.

“I miss you,” he croaks, the pillows blurring in front of him, “I miss you so much.”

“We miss you too, little spider, come back to us. Let us be with you again.”

“But I’m—“

“What,” Janus asks when Virgil chokes himself off, “what are you?”

“I’m so messy.”

The softest chuckle as Janus squeezes him again. “Since when has Remus shied away from a little mess? Since when have I?”

Virgil’s lip wobbles. He wants. He wants. He wants to believe so bad that this is real and they don’t care but they do care and the problem is that this is just how good they are, and it has nothing to do with him.

As if he can hear him, Janus sets his chin on Virgil’s shoulder, voice soft in his ear.

“Are you going to be stubborn, little spider?”

Oh, god.

Those words were whispered when the storms were too loud, or the bath was too cold, or the night too scary, when he was pulled into embraces whether he pouted about them or not, and he’s crying, he’s crying all over again, and he can’t say yes but he can’t say no.

“Alright, you asked for it.”

The arms and hands begin to pull away and he lets out a frightened noise and there’s a small shove in the small of his back and he’s tumbling into the pillows and the pillows are—opening?

A blur of black and green surges up from the middle of the pillows and wraps around him, pulling him deep into the soft pile and wriggling around until he’s neck-deep in them. He splutters and flails a little until the blur solidifies into arms and legs and a torso and a head buried into the crook of his neck, snuffling against the collar of his hoodie. He hears Janus chuckling in the background as a low purr rumbles against his chest and he—he—

“Little monster,” Remus mumbles happily, getting comfortable half on top of him, “I gotcha.”

“R-Remus?”

“Yeah, it’s me. You gonna be a pouty spider about it?”

Virgil couldn’t not be pouty if he tried right now, not when Remus is cuddling him and teasing him and it’s still so warm and soft. His lip wobbles again and he knows his eyes must be huge as Remus leans up just enough to kiss his nose.

“Aww,” he coos, half babying and all care, “you feeling lonely, little spider?”

Something collapses.

Virgil doesn’t know what’s happening, where he is, what is going on, only that he’s crying and Remus is holding him and Janus is here and he’s babbling something about being sorry and missing them and wanting them and not wanting to be a mess and crying all over them and everything is messy and sticky and perfect again. Remus keeps making his weird purring noise that makes Virgil’s tummy feel funny and Janus murmurs in his ears, filling them with soft words and gentle touches. The sun is warm and the light is soft and the world is still, just for a little while, just so that Virgil can be a mess and that’s okay.

“When you’re ready,” Janus says softly as his hand cards through Virgil’s hair, “you can have a shower upstairs and we can cuddle in the big bed.”

Remus hums in agreement, still half on top of him just to keep his soul squished into his body. A hiccuping breath is met with shushing and a gentle rub of his stomach. “You’re getting spoiled, little monster. You’ve deprived us of it for too long.”

“Mm.”

“A-bup-bup.” Remus holds a finger over Virgil’s mouth as he goes to protest. “No arguments, little monster. We care about you and you have to deal with it, understand?”

“Best nod and agree,” Janus threatens playfully, “he’s been in a mood all day.”

As fingers dig warningly into his side, Virgil squeaks and nods. Remus grins and presses a smacking kiss to his forehead. “You need to be a puddle for a bit longer?”

“…is that okay?”

“Of course,” Janus murmurs, sliding down to lie beside them, “whenever you’re ready.”

Remus just makes a gleeful noise and flops back down, going back to nuzzling him like he’s a cat. Which…he might be. Virgil’s not putting anything past him.

The world is still soft and safe as they lie there on the pillows. Twinkling motes of light come in through the big windows and a soft breeze starts to dry some of his tears. Remus is warm and solid on top of him, Janus’s hand gentle as they card through his hair. As Virgil blinks up at the ceiling, his eye catches on a silvery strand of something between two of the wooden boards. He follows it to a corner near the center beam splitting the roof, and he sees a glistening, sparkling spider web.

In the strands of the web are the words welcome home.

For the first time in who knows how long, Virgil cries happy tears.

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#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #virgil sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #roman sanders

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yourchemicallyimbalancedromance · 6 months

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Blurred Lines

Prompt: Deceit has disguised himself as Patton multiple times off camera as well but it's gotten to the point where Patton's started to forget his identity and not believe he is himself

(credit to @bug-infested-demon for this prompt which you can find here<3)

Ship: platonic moxiety

CW/TW: derealization, a quite literal identity crisis, mention of past panic attacks in detail

Summary: a few weeks after “Can LYING Be Good??” Patton starts to have an identity crisis after Janus disguises himself as him again.

———————————————————————

Patton was swimming. No, not literally. In his thoughts, in his head.

He had laid in an unmade bed with unkempt hair wearing the same black and white snoopy shirt and black shorts for two days straight, stuck inside of his mind while the others attempted desperately to care for Thomas.

He stared at the ceiling, watching the ceiling fan spin around and around and around, the cool breeze brushing against his face every so often.

He listened as the others argued in the commons. Janus had disguised himself as him again for the fourth time that week.

“Shut up!, you…you…” Roman blanked on an insulting nickname.

“Oh Roman, no need for the name calling today, can’t we all just have a polite discussion?” Janus said, voice as smooth and soft as a rock in a creek.

“Your chance for a polite discussion was thrown out the window when you decided to contribute by lying, again.” Virgil quipped, his voice becoming as sharp as a knife at the end of his sentence.

“Now now, Virg. No need to get snarky. I can practically see the malice on your tongue.” Janus replied, voice still soft, though sarcasm reeked off of it.

Virgil’s voice dipped an octave, sensing a disturbance in the environment. “Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that.” He spat firmly.

Janus just chuckled, loving how easy it was to get to the anxious side standing next to him.

“Janus, you have to know by now that—“ Logan began.

Patton didn’t hear the rest, he didn’t want to. He grabbed the pillow next to him and folded it over his ears, muffling out the sound.

That was until they started getting louder. No, not the others, his thoughts.

I’m not real. Am I real? Am I me? Do I exist?

The thoughts swirled around in his head, boiling up for weeks like an awful stew.

He sat up, staring in the mirror bolted onto his door. Photos of him and the others were carefully slid into the open space between glass and wooden outline, holding them in place so he could see them every time he’d get ready. He ignored them, looking into the mirror. He was so lost in thought it was almost as if he was staring past himself.

There were slight bags under his eyes, indicating he hadn’t slept for more than an hour at a time in the last 48 hours. He looked as white as a ghost, considering he hadn’t left his room or gone outside for any other reason than to use the bathroom.

In conclusion, he looked like a total wreck, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care enough to do something about it.

He raised a hand up to his face, touching it lightly.

…What if Thomas has no Morality?

Virgil appeared next to him, arms folded across his chest. Instead of his usual demeanor of dark edginess, he looked oddly..sympathetic, more worried than anything, really.

Patton didn’t bother looking at him, just gazed in the mirror, internally panicking. He was shaking a little.

Virgil couldn’t stand seeing Patton like this, all broken and with no one to defend him against himself.

“Pat..?” The name came out as a whisper. He cleared his throat, tried again. “Patton?”

Patton still didn’t make eye contact, but tears welled in his eyes. If he didn’t exist, then neither did Virgil, or any of the others.

Virgil sat on the bed next to the Moral side, looking at him intently. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Patton tried to speak, he wanted to. He hopelessly wanted to tell someone the thoughts in his head, but all that came out was a whimper with tears falling down his face.

Virgil gently turned Pattons head to face him. “Deep breaths, ‘Kay?” he said, compassionately.

Patton nodded, breathing in, then out. in, then out, until finally he had a grip on his emotions. Not that it mattered if he did or not, he wasn’t real.

“Don’t leave. I know you aren’t real but, please. I need this, you don’t understand how much this family means to me.” Patton begged, voice wobbly.

Virgil’s face scrunched in confusion and concern. “Not re— Patton, what are you talking about?” he held the side close to him, making sure his breathing stayed even.

“None of this is real,” he squeezed out, throat tight from holding back tears, “I don’t even think I’m me. And if I’m not me, than that means Janus is, and if Janus is me then that means that Thomas had no morality in the first place and I’m probably something Roman just conjured up in the imagination and—“

“Patton, oh my god, no, no.“ he held him tighter, “you’re real. This is all real, okay?” He said frantically, cutting off the others spiral.

“You are not something that was just made up, Pat. Do you feel the carpet under your feet? That’s real. It’s okay, I promise.”

Patton nodded, “you’re sure…? Because Janus—“

Virgil shook his head, “I couldn’t care less about Janus right now. We’ll definitely be talking later, but I’m more focused on you, and yes I am extremely sure.”

He wanted to laugh at the word he used, ‘talking’, as if it wouldn’t be a full on screaming match.

Patton sniffled, “thank you.”

“Any time, bud” he responded, “and hey, Thomas does have a sense of Morality, or else you wouldn’t be here.”

Patton nodded, gripping on to the Anxious side a little, as if he was still unsure of what he was saying.

“I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.” Was all he could think to say.

and apparently it worked, Patton eased up his hold a bit, noticing how neither of them had magically faded into thin air. He laughed at himself for thinking something so unrealistic.

“…I’ve been there, you know.” Virgil quietly admitted, to which Patton raised a brow in question.

“Thinking about the whole not being real thing. It was the cause of a lot of my…outbursts, to put it lightly.”

Patton understood what he was trying to get at, the massive panic attacks he used to have. He would find him in the bathroom curled up in the shower in the middle of the night, sobbing. He didn’t like to think about it.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He said timidly, almost as if not to disturb the sadness of the memory and their conversation, a tiredness in his voice.

“Hey, it’s okay. I just want you to know that I get it.” Virgil rushed out, not trying to upset Patton further.

“Do you want me to go so you can sleep? Not to sound rude or anything, but it looks like you need it.” He asked, eyeing the bags under Pattons eyes and the exhausted look on his face, like he could barely keep his eyes open.

Patton said nothing, having gone limp in the others arms. He was as tired as Virgil thought.

He blew air out of his nose in amusement. “I’ll be here, don’t worry.” he whispered to the sleeping person in front of him. “I’ve got you.”

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #ts anxiety #ts patton #patton sanders #ts morality #patton angst #moxiety

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lolia21 · 3 months

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Well I feel down a Sanders Sides rabbit hole and now I have one fan fic idea that keeps playing in my head:

Remus and Roman are twins but they don't attend the same school because Remus was... himself and his parents were kindly asked to transfer him to a school that "fits his personality better". So he goes to a school a whole district over. He gets along with Roman and he loves him but they are very different people so they don't hang out a lot. Remus also can't stand the blatant favoritism they're parent give Roman. He thinks it's sweet that Roman tries to tap it down but it doesn't change anything.

Sp Remus spends most of his free time at his friend Janus house with his other friend Virgil. Janus also shouldn't be attending their school cause he's loaded but he hated the prep school he was sent to and transferred behind his parents back. Money can get you literally anything. Expect real friends which is why Janus loves Remus and Virg so much. Virgil is actually living at a near by boys home. As a kid his home situation wasn't great and he doesn't talk about it a lot. He ended up at Sanders House four years ago though and it's not too bad.

So anyway Roman has never meet Remus' friends and Remus has never met Roman's friend Patton and Logan. Whenever they come over is always at Janus' house. He knows they exist just like Roman knows Virgil and Janus do but they've not met in person over the last two years.

So it all starts pm a long weekend because Halloween is Friday. ( fun fact my school in gerogia gave us Halloween and Valentines off and used it as teacher workshop days.)

So of course the dark side trio is hype, roaming the mall, scaring people, judging costumes, and trying to find accessories to improve their own.

The light side trio is also their because Patton waited too late to get a "decent" (Roman's words) costume, and Logan was hoping to avoid getting one at all.

The crowds get so bad that everyone is separated. Luckily both sides actually have designated met spots, tho for very different reasons. The darks sides met spot is the horror section at Barnes and Nobles. It's large enough that Virgil won't feel claustrophobic and he can read some Poe while he waits and not have people constantly asking if he needs assistance. It was a place chosen, so he doesn't have a panic attack while he waits for his friends since he's the only one without a phone.

On the other had the light side trio chose the lgbtq+ teen romance section as their meet spot. Mainly Because it'll distract Roman enough that he won't get bored of waiting and wonder out to find his friends before they get there. Defeating the purpose of the spot all together.

You can see where this is going.

Patton has been trying to get on the elevator for the last five minuets but everyone time he tries to get on the same time as someone else he let's them all go first and theres no room for him. This goes on until a nice but kinda rude stranger just days "oh my gawd" and pulls him in as he in goes in. The stranger honestly looks way to well dressed to be here and doesn't even introduce himself. He just starts playing on his phone and Patton doesn't know whether saying thank you would be annoying or not. Janus on the other hand is texting Remus about how just met someone who reminds him a little of freshman Virgil and how he hopes he's not freaking out.

Logan has decided to take the stairwell because he knows that people arr less likely to use it over the escalators or elevators. He looks a floor above him and someone who kinda sorta looks like Roman sliding down the railing on his ass and laughing the whole time. He barely has time to dodge as someone yells " dodge nerd" and flies past him. Honestly Logans so surprised by whatever the hell that was that it take him two whole ass minutes to start walking again. Remus is just having a blast. He didn't think this would work and he saw a pretty cute nerd on the way down.

Roman is having a complicated time. He lgbtq teen romance section is usually in the front if the store but it's been switched with the horror section for the month. So here is is not being able to decide whether he should just stay here because the ia the physical spot he normals what's at or go the the actual section with all the books about the boys kissing that he likes to read. Virgil on the other hand is on the virge (ha) of kinda freaking out. He's happy that the sectionnis getting more love, even if it's only for money. But he liked that it was in the back and away from the crowds of people coming in and out. Not to mention theirs someone dude dresses like a prince yelling on the phone to someone named Patton about whether he should "go to the section of love and acceptance or stay in emo hell". Virgil is insulted enough by this to tell him Roman to please stop yelling and go to whatever section isn't here. Roman rolls his eyes calls him knock off Gerard way and ignores him. Virgil completely forgets how nervous he was becuase now his piss3d and they get into an arguments.

It ends when Patton walks in and calls for Roman at the same time that Janus calls in and calls for Virgil. They look to their friend seemingly coming in together and are about to complain to their respective friends when Janus, Virgil and Roman here a familiar voice go

"Brobro what are you doing here. Hey Jan, hey virge," and Remus walks in completely unaware of the fighting that was just happening. Virgil tries to actually get a good like at this guy's face and realizes that without the make up and general zanny disposition he does look a lot like Remus. Before anyone can respond tk that, an another person asks

"OH God Roman what did you do? Who are they?" And of course it's Logan.

So now are dark sides are standing on one side and all the lights on the other. As the two siblings and their two different friend groups collide. Teen hurt, comfort and angst ensues.

#intrulogical #prinxeity #ts patton #ts janus #ts remus #ts virgil #ts roman #ts logan #fan fic writing #sanders sides #high school au #from meet cute to meet demons to meet enemies

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the-90s-music-colosseum · 6 months

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So I used a hunger games simulator with 90s musicians and here are some highlights from what it came up with.

However I think we should come up with a story of our own cuz AI can't beat our glorious collective creativity

MEMBERS:

Damon Albarn, Graham Coxon, Mike Patton, Eddie Vedder, Serj Tankian, The Gallagher brothers, the Greenwood brothers, Kathleen Hanna, Björk, Kurt Cobain, Lauryn Hill, Courtney Love, Thom Yorke, Jarvis Cocker, Dave Grohl, Kim Gordon, BJA, Rivers Cuomo, Shakira, Chris Cornell, Fiona Apple, Brian Molko

Day 1:

-Jonny and Colin Greenwood team up and kill Mike Patton (Woah)

-BJA chases Kim Gordon

-Damon gets a bunch of supplies and runs into the woods

-Jarvis Cocker pushes Courtney Love and she hits her head on a rock and dies

Night 1:

-Graham Coxon and Noel Gallagher cuddle??

-Kathleen Hanna, Björk, and Eddie Vedder team up with the Greenwood brothers

-Shakira slips in the river and drowns

-BJA and Rivers Cuomo fall asleep holding hands

Day 2:

-Graham and Damon team up with Liam Gallagher

-The Greenwoods get lost from the group

-Noel lovingly tends to Thom Yorke's wounds

-Chris Cornell hides in a bush, terrified

-BJA dies from infection

Night 2:

-Graham and Damon betray Liam and kill him

-Eddie and Kathleen cuddle

-Rivers and Kim cuddle

-Dave Grohl cries himself to sleep

-Fiona Apple has nightmares

-The Greenwood brothers run into Damon and Graham and run away

Day 3:

-Noel daydreams about Thom

-Rivers kills Brian Molko over food

-Fiona has a panic attack

Night 3:

-Graham poisons Noel with berries, Noel dies

-Thom cries over Noel

-Björk Kathleen, and Eddie team back up with the Greenwoods guard each other

Day 4:

-Björk betrays the group and teams up with Damon and Graham and they all kill Jonny

-Colin is devasted, cries, and kills Björk in revenge but Damon and Graham get away

-Eddie climbs a tree

-Kurt Cobain and Lauryn Hill team up

Night 4:

-Graham is an idiot and eats poison berries and dies

-Damon cries

-Thom fills Jonny's spot in Colin, Kathleen, and Eddie's group

-Thom comforts Colin after his brother died

-Jarvis Cocker stabs Kurt

Day 5:

-Damon ambushes and kills Thom

-Colin cries

-Dave Grohl teams up with Rivers, Serj, and Chris

Night 5:

-Colin purposely eats poison berries so he can die, because he feels guilty for letting his little brother and Thom get killed (damn) but he picked the wrong berries and just ended up eating normal ones, and was fine

-Kathleen splits off from Eddie and Colin after the death of Thom and Jonny, and teams up with Lauryn, Dave, and Jarvis

Day 6:

-Damon is hunting everyone

-Jarvis questions his sanity

-Fiona sings a song while walking through the woods

-Colin and Eddie hide in a tree but while climbing, Eddie falls out and dies (ironic)

Night 6:

-Damon, Kathleen, and Jarvis have a deep conversation about the meaning of life

-Lauryn Hill and Dave Grohl team up and build a fort

-Rivers dies mysteriously after talking shit about president snow (NOOOO)

-Colin finds a cave to hide in, but it gets really dark, and he's afraid of the dark. He gets lost in the cave and cries and has a panic attack

Day 7:

-Damon recieved a gourmet meal from a sponsor

-Jarvis questions his sanity once again

-Kim pretends that she's going to spare Fiona, but then switches up last second and kills her

-Colin is still in the cave

Night 7:

-Lauryn betrays and murders Dave

-Serj, Chris, and Kim team up

-Kathleen, Damon, and Jarvis team up

-Colin is still in the cave

Day 8:

-Damon sets off a trap and kills Jarvis, Kathleen, Lauryn, Kim, Chris, and Serj ALL AT THE SAME TIME

-Damon is now hunting fiercely for Colin

-Colin is still in the cave

Night 8:

-Damon dies of a fucking TUMMY ACHE???

-Colin cries himself to sleep in the cave

COLIN WINS!!! I GUESS???!!!

STOP HELP THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER READ I'VE BEEN LAUGHING FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES. WHY ARE THEY SO IN CHARACTER

Also this is going to give birth to, like, ten new crack ships

#most attractive 90s musician #asks #hunger games crack fic

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anartistinahat · 12 days

Text

Working on virgy and im getting some ideas how his spider atributes work

I like to think that his spider legs move purely on reflexes and defense, so if virgil is having a panic attack or just is being completly paranoid, anyone coming even a slightly bit closer will probably get attacked by the spider legs (virgil isn't exactly controlling them either, think of it as doing something out of impulse without noticing) does this make sense?

Fangs and the extra eyes can show up at different times compared to the spider legs, the spider legs only show up at full paranoia/panic attack. The eyes and fangs can show up when he is very angry (and also along with the spider legs too)

Also all the dark sides have pointy ears (or every side that generally showed their animal attribute like patton) remus has a high pointy ears, janus will have a midway pointy ears, and virgil has droopy ears (patton's ears will be a round pointy and not as prominant like the dark sides)

Its all very messy but i will polish out what i mean once i actually focus on each of the sides animal abilities :D

(yes i traces a bit, but its mostly to memorize the hair and try to keep the face consistant too)

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decent0distraction · 4 months

Text

Hi! You may know me as the person who does all of those Our Flag Means Death AUs, theories, and posts that either ruin your day, make you laugh, or both. Mostly both.

But I have something else for you.

My take on family!Sanders Sides - based off of the whole family roles the Sides gave themselves in the Five Years video.

To refresh your memory, Patton labeled himself as the dad, Logan as the mom, Roman as the son (the hotshot), Virgil as the (gay, emo) cousin, Janus as the (sassy) aunt (who talks shit about everyone), and Remus as the (fresh out of jail) uncle.

BUT

This AU of mine is… messed up.

Ok ok ok SO

We begin with Janus Duke, who has just moved back to the town of Sanders Bay, a lovely seaside community.

Janus has spent the last 10 years raising their son (Janus uses they/them pronouns bc I said so), moving from place to place for reasons that Virgil doesn’t know about yet that we’ll get into later. Stay with me.

Virgil is 16 and on his first day at Sanders Bay Secondary Academy (what a name, huh?), his dad, Remus, is getting out of jail.

When Virgil was about 6, Janus and Remus had decided to walk from their house into town to pick up their son from the babysitter. They were about halfway there when someone attacked Janus, cutting his face (resulting in scars on one side of his mouth, eye, and cheek, resembling a snake like face). Remus reacted violently towards the person who just hurt his spouse, the cops are called, and it’s made out to look like Remus had hurt Janus, who was unconscious.

When Janus finally came to, they were in a hospital, being told that their husband had been arrested and arranged.

Cut to present day, Virgil’s first day is met with a slight complication when an idiot threatre-jock hybrid accidentally knocks into him, causing him to hit his head.

Roman Hart insists that Virgil allow him to escort him to the nurse, who just so happens to be his dad, Patton Hart.

Roman’s other dad is their home room and history teacher, Logan Hart.

By the end of the school day, Roman and Virgil are sort of friends. But when Roman asks Virgil if they’d want to hang out or something, Virgil explains that he has to get home because his dad is finally home.

Roman just assumes that Virgil’s dad is in the military. He doesn’t even actually get to ask, because Virgil is too busy running out to Janus’s car.

Everything is going fine for a little while. Virgil studies with Roman after school, or they go to the mall, eventually going to Roman’s house.

The Harts are the nicest people in town, and Patton simply adores having Virgil around.

Janus, one day, is waiting with Remus in the school pick up lane for Virgil. The two of them are having a nice, causal conversation that is interrupted by Janus seeing their son talking to them.

“Oh, my God!” Janus slammed his foot on the break and put the car in park. “It’s them! It’s them!”

Remus looked to see their son standing with another boy, while the boy’s parents talked to Virgil.

They were Patton and Logan Hart, two people the Duke parents were happy to never see again.

When Patton put his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, Janus struggled to rush out of the car. Remus followed.

“Virgil!”

The anxious teen turned to watch his mom run to him and pull him away from the Harts.

“Are you okay? Did they hurt you?”

Virgil was beyond confused. “What? No! I’m fine. What are you-“ He stopped when Remus started to approach.

“Dad? Dad, I don’t know what’s happening, but nothing happened. Dad!”

But the man ignored his son in favor of getting in Logan’s face. “You’d do right by you and your family to stay the fuck away from mine.”

Logan didn’t even flinch. “And it would be correct for you to avoid threatening my family.”

Virgil was ready to try to defuse the situation before Janus began to have a panic attack. “Mom?”

Remus is then distracted by his spouse needing his help. He gets his little family in the car and they get home, where the parents sit down and finally tell Virgil the truth.

The truth is, Patton Hart and Janus Duke were friends. When they were 20, and Janus had a child and Patton didn’t, he got upset. And when he saw baby Virgil, he decided that he needed that child.

He acted like everything was fine. He offered to babysit Virgil so the new parents could have some time to themselves. He paid for Janus to be attacked, for Remus to be framed.

But when Janus woke up, he called Patton, screaming, begging. He knew Patton had the baby.

And Patton knew that if he kept Virgil, everything could be traced back to him eventually.

So he returned Virgil, acting like he was just watching the child for his friend.

But Janus moved away, moving from place to place so that they couldn’t be found.

Janus was so desperate to have their husband and their son’s father back that they believed Patton and Logan had moved on.

But to see that man anywhere their baby, Janus couldn’t handle it.

Virgil knows the truth now. How can anything be the same?

Before they can try to figure it out, the doorbell rings.

Janus flinches and Virgil is still busy hugging his Mom to bother with the door.

“I got it,” Remus tells them, answering the door to a man in all black and sunglasses.

“Look, whatever you’re selling, we’re not interested. Try the neighbors across the street. A lot of packages. Maybe they like sunglasses, or whatever you’re situation is-“

“-I’m not selling anything, sir. I’m looking for Remus Duke.”

Turns out, this guy isn’t a salesman. He’s Detective Remy Dormir (idk, I got the name from a human!AU fanart), hired by Roman Hart to find his birth family. (He arranged for this a year before the Dukes moved back to Sanders Bay)

This eventually leads to the discovery that Remus Duke’s father, Romulus King, got a woman pregnant before his passing. By this time, his son Remus had moved far away and changed his name, never successful at pleasing the man.

So yeah, Roman and Remus are half brothers. Which means Virgil’s only friend in Sanders Bay is his half uncle, since Virgil is the biological son of Janus and Remus Duke.

Yeah, there’s no romance between Roman and Virgil. Sorry to disappoint you Roman/Virgil shippers. There’s nothing wrong with that ship, it just doesn’t work for this AU.

That’s all I have so far. If I find that I missed something, I’ll add it later.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #remy sanders #I’m probably forgetting something #sanders sides au #sanders side fic #human au #family au

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sanderstime · 7 months

Text

My Favorite Headcanons

This is mostly for AU's that don't take place where they are all In the mind of the same person. A lot of them are appearance-based. This might be a ramble but yeah here. Logan: -He's the tallest of the sides. This guy in my head would be one lanky intimidating-looking mf then you turn around and find him geeking out over a jelly brand. -He likes to slick back his hair, not like completely but with a few strands left in the front... and he only doesn't style it like that when by himself or with people he trusts.

-He wears rectangular-shaped glasses.

-He's neurodiverse, I think he is very autism-coded and that's cool so why not make it fanon y'know?

-He learns how to help people through panic/anxiety attacks specifically because of meeting Virgil.

-He takes time to learn about other people's interests, or at least the basic rundown about it so he can understand and not be confused when they talk about them (Even when he refuses to participate in those interests or doesn't like them.)

-He memorized the entire history of Crofters, it's one of his special interests somehow.

-He doesn't like weddings, but he somehow ends up being the one keeping the whole event together.

-At parties, he's basically the guy who looks after everyone. Making sure everyone whose passed out didn't hit their heads, putting spare blankets over them, and driving his friends home all while mumbling what idiots they are, but endearingly.

-he likes small get-togethers with friends but not so much big parties.

-He's the kind of guy you need to warm up too, he seems standoffish at first but he truly cares and is very kind underneath the surface,

-He's *awful* at video games that aren't tetris or puzzle games, he will always lose at Mortal Kombat/Smash Bros/Ect but despite that he gets competitive. So he tries to avoid them.

-Likes to debunk cryptid/

Virgil:

-He's very average height. He's not really tall but he isn't tiny either.

-He has dark circles normally but he puts dark eyeshadow on top of them to hide them and because he likes how it looks.

-He has his hair dyed purple, yeah no surprise but in an AU where they don't all have the same hair... I think his should be a pretty purple color.

-Definitely utilizes his piercings. He wears black studs, and really depends but I like the idea of him having snakebites. Go full emo.

-He has freckles when he's out in the sun enough to have them.

-He's gotten each of the other sides to help him touch up his hair before. Except Remus, he knows Remus would try to dye it green.

-He has a special set of noise-cancelling headphones when he wants to be left alone and another set because he's worried he won't hear his phone going off or someone break in.

-He can't cook for shit, like he burns macaroni. He tried to put a plastic plate on an oven and he can barely make ramen. -He has a ton of blankets, one for each surface he would sit on in his home. -He owns a LOT of posters, most are of punk bands and nightmare before Christmas.

-Absolutely loves Spiders and Bats, has a pet spider duh.

-Despite talking a big game, and being into spooky things, he is a huge scaredy cat. He hides behind his hands or into the body of whoever is sitting closest to him(if he trusts them)

Patton:

-Round glasses. Everyone does this already buy I love him having wire-framed glasses.

-Light brown hair. Like super light brown hair where it might as well be dirty blonde.

-Has all the freckles, the most freckles. Just give them all to him.

-He is really hard *not* to get along with, he tries to speak to everyone with kindness and treat them kindly- even if they do upset him.

-He is an excellent cook and baker, literally he makes goodies all the time and will give them away to his friends to eat.

-very supportive of his friends interests, he will be so confused but he will nod and smile and ask questions.

-He cries very easily, he'll cry at commercials, movies, shows, music videos, books, while everyone else is fine. They all support him though.

-He likes sprite. Idk he seems like a sprite guy.

-I don't have many headcanons for him

-has the most collectables or collections of any of the others.

Roman:

-I imagine him being more on the shorter side but... he's pretty damn fit. Dude does morning runs while listening to Disney songs.

-Has the best voice of all the sides.

-He has a whole ass morning routine, like a special one with detailed skincare.

-Has the curliest hair of the sides

-This dude loves singing, he sings super loud while in the shower and constantly imagines himself singing in a concert. He sings any chance he can get, in the car, suggesting karaoke nights at any opportunity.

-The type of guy to sing you happy birthday everyday the week of your birthday to make you feel special.

-When he first meets people, he will often act charming and try to befriend them. Mostly just new neighbors, coworkers, ect ect. Just is a huge gentlemen.

-really only lets loose his more chaotic side when he gets to know others.

(I'll make another post with the dark sides later, but this is my thoughts here on the main four. :) )

#virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides headcanon

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halfhissandwich · 2 months

Text

Random Sanders Sides headcanons, most of which I have no evidence for but will defend with my life anyway (feel free to share yours in the replies if you feel like it):

- c!Thomas and Virgil at least subconsciously see each other as brothers. Come on. They have stronger brother vibes than the actual pair of brothers in this series.

- Logan and Virgil comfort each other during rage attacks and panic attacks respectively.

- There was one time very shortly after Virgil joined the light sides when Janus got drunk and started singing Gary Come Home from SpongeBob, but with Virgil’s name. Remus still has the recording.

- The orange side will be a pirate. (This was written 3/17/24, let’s see if I was right when the season finale is out)

- Patton has dad sneezes. One time, the sides heard this huge explosion and they all collectively yelled “REMUS WHAT DID YOU DO?!” And Patton said “sorry, guys… allergies…”

- Many of the bonds between the sides have gotten stronger over a united hatred for another side. (Roman and Virgil bond over hating Janus, Janus and Remus bond over hating Virgil, Patton and Virgil bond over hating Remus…)

- You know when Thomas did that thing where he said the most out of character thing for each side and for Janus, Virgil and Logan he did “I like pancakes with marshmallows!” Yeah, the three of them said that as an April Fools prank one year and Patton started crying with joy.

- None of the sides were originally what we currently know them as. When c!Thomas was little and the sides were developing, Janus was Self Preservation, Patton was Kindness, Logan was Brain, Virgil was Paranoia, and the twins were King Creativity. Over time, they shifted as they discovered more effective ways to fulfill their roles (notably Janus taking to dishonesty), and turned into what they are today.

- Patton is significantly more blind than Logan. Both of them are blind without their glasses, but Patton is way more so. I don’t know why I feel this way.

- Janus and Logan have a lower alcohol tolerance than the other sides because the ability to lie and the ability to think logically are both very hindered when you’re drunk. Core moral beliefs and creativity aren’t really hindered by alcohol, so Patton and the twins have a way higher alcohol tolerance. Virgil, by the way, has practically no alcohol tolerance. (Don’t quote me on any of this, I haven’t ever tried alcohol)

- Janus is venomous, but none of the sides can really get sick or die and Janus is imaginary, so even if he wanted to, he couldn’t seriously hurt anyone with his venom.

- Imagine a Sanders Sides beach episode. Virgil is trying to stop Thomas from going in the water at all, Roman and Remus are fighting with water guns, Logan is fanboying over the sea creatures he might find, Patton and Janus are babysitting and placing bets on who’s gonna win the Roman v Remus water gun duel.

- Virgil hates Janus because Virgil is the spider of the group and Janus is the snake, but Janus is somehow the one who ended up with 8 limbs.

May add to this, might not, I dunno, I was just bored

#sanders sides #random headcanons

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analoceits · 19 days

Text

here is my insane all the sides are body horror agenda [obvious tw for gore/body-horror ish stuff - under the cut bc. descriptions of gore - no pictures]

logan: he is the only side with completely normal organs and body! completely. normal. down to the inch. he is a living medical textbook. you could take him apart and measure his organs exactly. he promises. hes Tested.

patton: he Looks normal on the outside, and mostly, he is! he looks like thomas mostly. but.. he doesnt really.. bother. with the inside stuff. it makes him squeamish. (logan xrayed him once- and said only one word after. "soup.")

roman: he doesnt let himself scar. no matter how large the wounds he gets are, his skin will be porcelain as always. as well, he looks the youngest out of all the sides. he has no wrinkles or beauty marks. his heartbeat is to the rhythm of whatever song hes listening too.

virgil: mostly fine, except.. whenever he has a panic attack. his rib cage will shift and lock around his lungs. his heart will beat absurdly fast (logan has record 900 bpm once). outside of that, he bleeds so easily - even if he just bites his nails. if patton hugs him too hard, and he gets nervous, his ribs will cave in.

janus: probably second weirdest. his body is always fighting itself, in between snake and human. he gets horrifically sick regularly; with the human half of his body rejecting the snake like a transplant, and vice versa. new scales will tear through his skin and make him bleed for hours. he will crave a mouse, eat it, and then throw it up.

remus: hes covered in scars. his organs are constantly being dissolved, reformed, fusing, and dissolving again. he can and will break all his bones on command. he can do wolverine claws. occasionally he'll get bored and just start. going through rigor mortis. for the bit.

#sanders sides #tss #sasi #ts sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #tw gore #tw body horror

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snowdice · 11 months

Text

Face the Music (Sometimes Labels Shift Series)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton, (background) Patton & Virgil, Logan & Virgil

Characters:

Main: Patton, Logan

Mentioned: Virgil

Summary: Patton and Logan have a small chat about healing between Wind Symphony and Wind Symphony: The Sequel.

This is a dealing with events set after my story Sometimes Labels Fail.

Notes: Superhero AU (not that it matters), past emotional abuse, references to a nontypical trigger, though said trigger has been dealt with in therapy and is mostly under control though not gone

“You don’t have to go,” Logan said when Patton was halfway through pulling off his shirt. Patton finished pulling off the shirt to squint at him. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, so Logan’s form was blurry, but he was sitting on their bed looking at him.

“I know I don’t have to go,” said Patton. He turned to grab the sleeping shirt he’d set out and pulled it over his head.

“Virgil wouldn’t care,” Logan said. “I would be the more likely candidate to take him shopping for such a thing considering the research I’ve done into the topic anyway. I doubt he has any expectations that you will come.”

Patton frowned as he slipped his glasses back onto his face, turning Logan from a blurry mess of blue into a man wearing a blue t-shirt. “Maybe he wouldn’t,” Patton said, “but you don’t know that.”

“Patton,” Logan said, his brow creased in the way that it did only when he was attempting to do a very difficult math equation or was trying to process emotions on the fly. “You once almost had a panic attack because a musician attempted to hand you a violin.”

“That was years ago,” Patton bristled, “and I’d been having a bad day. The violin was not the problem.”

“Perhaps not,” Logan agreed, “but it was a problem.”

“A music shop is not a house of horrors for me,” Patton said. It was the truth even if it felt just a bit like a lie. What he remembered from the music shop of his childhood, the one he’d have to go to for new music books every time he completed his old ones, was an old man who would freeze Patton in place with his gaze (even when he wasn’t actually doing so with his powers), ancient instruments on the walls that Patton’s young mind had imagined being used in blood rituals, and an overwhelming sense of foreboding. He thought normal music shops probably were not like that.

Logan was still frowning, so Patton crossed to the bed and reached for his face. He kissed him on the nose.

“I want to be there,” he told Logan. “Playing the clarinet is something that Virgil loves, and I want to support him in every way I can. I will not be like my mother and that both means not making him play an instrument if he doesn’t want to and encouraging him to do so if he does want to.”

It was easier said than done. If Patton had ever gotten joy from playing a violin, he did not remember it. Thoughts of playing a musical instrument filled him with an uncomfortable squirming sensation even after all of these years. It was a knee-jerk reaction to not want Virgil to experience the same thing, but he was not his knee-jerk reactions. He’d been very careful to keep his instinctual thoughts to himself (and occasionally to Logan when it felt unhealthy to keep them bottled up).

Virgil liked playing music. It made him happy. Sometimes Patton had to remind himself of that in order to react appropriately, but that was okay. It was a little more effort in an area most people wouldn’t even have to think about, but it was worth it.

“He does want to,” Patton continued, “so even if that desire isn’t something I will ever be able to relate to, I still need to show up.”

The face between Patton’s hands still seemed unsure. “This is just a small thing,” Logan said. “We already know you’ll be going to all of his performances. You can show up for him without going on this specific outing.”

“Life is made up of small things,” Patton said, shaking his head, “and it’s also short. I am a 56-year-old man. I refuse to live my life in fear of a string instrument. Anymore.”

“Still,” Logan said, reaching up to cup Patton’s hand still on his cheek.

Patton just rolled his eyes fondly. “I appreciate the concern,” he said, “but I’m going.”

Logan opened his mouth to speak.

“No more talking,” Patton said, using his hands to gently push Logan back onto the bed. He leaned most of his weight on him, though his toes still touched the floor. “Just cuddles.”

Logan hesitated, but then gave in. “Very well,” he agreed and then paused a moment. “Could we perhaps cuddle in a more reasonable position?”

“No,” said Patton, tucking his head into Logan’s chest with a smile. Logan sighed under him and reached up to pat his hair.

Patton knew he’d be able to face any music store as long as Logan was with him.

“Face the music,” Patton whispered with a giggle. Logan groaned.

Want to read more? Click below!

Labeled Master Post.

My Masterpost.

#sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #mentioned virgil sanders #labeled universe #sometimes labels shift #platonic moxiety #past child abuse #past emotional abuse #adriana writes #not pieces fic

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tss-whumper · 4 months

Note

*materializes into existence*

Hi :D

Inspired by your whump tss fics!

Anyway, mayhaps an idea: Whumpee is very distrustful of everyone, even after being rescued. The only person who can come close to them without them getting very tense is Caretaker. The rest of the team is... well, unsure about Whumpee at this point. Someone says something that sounds a little too much like Whumper (accidental trigger), and Caretaker is the only one who can calm Whumpee down.

Do with that what ya will.

Have fun :D

hi!! thank you so much for the support, this is an amazing idea! i think i'm going to do my heroes and villains au for this one, it's a really good fit for this particular prompt, plus, father figure janus has my WHOLE HEART he's the best caretaker.

this fic features whumpee roman, caretaker janus, and mentions of whumper patton! also, logan and virgil are there but they aren't really anything they're just chillin'. logan is just trying his best.

also the beginning kinda just offers some general exposition to the au and the dynamics so it's just short little snippets of life before the big angst bomb comes raining down.

(cw -> past parental abuse, flashbacks, panic attacks, brief physical violence)

Roman wasn't a violent dog.

But he knew why he bit.

Every night, he saw the face of his uncle, the man who raised him, the man who taught him everything about the world. And he shivered, because while he never wanted to see Patton again, he also wanted nothing more than to be enveloped in his arms one more time.

When he looked in the mirror, Roman wanted to erase himself and start over from the beginning. Permanent scars that were never going away, endless reminders of what a failure he had been. His gauntlet was the only part of him that was pristine, and even that was so out of his reach.

Janus told him that it was Patton's fault that he didn't know how to use his powers, but Roman just couldn't believe it. He was a superhero. He had to know how to use his powers no matter what. Being a kid was no excuse. Being young and impressionable was no excuse. Being starved and beaten and tortured every time he made the smallest mistake was still not an excuse.

Roman was a hero. He had to be better.

"Virgil, come on, how many times do I have to remind you to wipe your feet before walking in?" Logan groaned, "We're guests in this house, we should not be dirtying it."

"Sorry, Pa," Virgil mumbled, "I'll clean it up."

"Thank you," Logan said, "And have half a mind not to do it again."

Roman, who was seated on the couch as this argument occurred, squeezed his eyes shut steeling himself as he waited for the slap. Or the hit. Or a cry of pain from Virgil. But seconds passed, and there was no sound except for the spray cleaner and scrubbing the floor. The mess took all of ten seconds to clean up, if that. Roman didn't understand. When he was under punishment with Patton and had to clean floors, it felt like it took much longer.

Roman's face was wet with tears, but he found himself feeling scarily numb as he sat in Janus' lap, fiddling with the gemstone necklaces held loosely around his neck with common kitchen twine.

"Ro...we really need to do something about these nightmares," Janus murmured, nothing but warmth in his voice and body. Roman almost felt safe in his arms. "It's not healthy for a kid your age to be waking up screaming every night."

"I'm sorry, sir," Roman said flatly, still trapped in a hellish haze, "I'll be better. I'll do anything you want, just spare me. Please."

Janus could feel his heart shatter in two. He hugged the teenager close, starting to pet his hair gently.

"Oh, baby..." Janus whispered, "What on Earth are we gonna do with you...?"

"If you hate me so much, maybe you should just put me back where I came from! You didn't have to adopt me, you could have just gotten a perfect kid instead!"

It was rare for Virgil to shout, so when Roman heard it, he was shaken immediately. Out of pure self preservation, he hid himself in the blanket he had been wearing. When Logan and Virgil argued, it was difficult, and it was messy. They were both headstrong people, which often led to butting heads more than either of them, or the two people they lived with, liked.

"Virgil, don't be ridiculous, I don't hate you!" Logan retaliated, "I just want you to stop closing yourself off, it's useless to try and handle everything in the world by yourself! You're just a child, when will you get that through your head??"

"Maybe I will once you stop micromanaging me like I'm five years old!" Virgil yelled, "I'm not a baby anymore, Pa, I don't need you hovering over my shoulder! Do you know how hard it is to be known as the tattletale at school?? Do you even care?? No, you don't, because all you care about is making yourself feel helpful!"

"I could strangle you right now!"

"Fine! Do it, see if I care!"

Virgil stormed off, slamming the door to his room, causing Roman to tremble where he sat. Oh, boy. Virgil was going to get it now. Roman waited for Logan to roar, to scream at Virgil to open the door before he regretted ever raising his voice at him. The thought made Roman so nervous. Virgil was injured already. He couldn't handle being strangled too. He just couldn't.

So Roman did the heroic thing: he stepped in.

Before Logan could take another step towards Virgil's room, Roman rushed in front of him.

"Virgil didn't mean it, Virgil didn't mean that!" he insisted, his words spilling over each other.

"Were you listening in to our conversation?" Logan sputtered, his face turning a bit red, "Wh- why would you do that? That was between me and Virgil, it has nothing to do with you!"

Logan side-stepped Roman, coming closer to Virgil's room. In a panic, Roman lunged at Logan, hoping to protect Virgil from any sort of wrath.

"Get off me!" Logan exclaimed, "Roman, what are you doing??"

"Stay away from him!" Roman begged as he punched and kicked blindly, thinking of nothing except weakening Logan, protecting Virgil. Weakening Logan, protecting Virgil. It was his responsibility. "He's still healing!"

"Roman, stop!" Logan pleaded, "Please, stop it, you're hurting me!"

Roman was much younger than Logan. But he wasn't that much weaker. He was a young hero, having trained his entire life to fight people, while Logan was just a civilian. No superpowers, no training. He was a bit fragile, in fact. So it wasn't a surprise that Roman was "winning" this exchange, but the child was too blinded by panic to realize this.

"Don't touch Virgil!" Roman begged, "Don't, please, he can't handle it! He can't handle that, he's good, he's good, he'll be good!"

"Janus!" Logan started to scream, thrashing to get away from Roman, "Janus, help me!"

And just then, Roman's entire world seemed to stop.

Logan's begging and crying for help sounded so much like his own. The way his words would bounce against the wall, hitting nobody as he was forced to endure hours of torture in solitary confinement, no sound to keep him company except for his own fruitless pleading. Logan already sounded so defeated. He sounded like he was ready to die. Just like Roman had been all those times before.

Roman's breathing grew shallow and stuttered, and the second he loosened his grip, Logan scrambled out of Roman's arms, shoving him hard. As Janus raced into the room, he saw his child hyperventilating, and Logan with a scratched up face and broken glasses.

"What- what on Earth happened here?" Janus demanded, "Logan, what did you do??"

"What did I do?" Logan repeated, "Why are you asking me that?? Roman's the one that attacked me, he tried to kill me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry- I'm sorry-!" Roman whispered, starting to grip his own hair as he curled in on himself.

"He's a little monster!"

Roman's shallow breathing turned into desperate gasps as he wheezed irregularly, his chest rising and falling largely.

"There's ice in the freezer, I'm so sorry, Lo. I'm so sorry. I should have warned you- I'll pay for your glasses."

"No need," Logan said coldly, "I need some space, if you don't mind. I'm getting tired of being attacked from all sides."

Janus opened his mouth to say something to Logan as the angry man left, but he was distracted by the sound of Roman's fight for air. When Janus looked over, the child had tears streaming down his face, his eyes large and wild, as if he was a wounded animal.

"Darling...come here," Janus whispered sitting on the floor in front of Roman and starting to pull him close.

"No, please," Roman whispered, "Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry- I didn't mean to- I- I-"

"Shh...shh, Roman, don't speak," Janus murmured, hugging Roman gently. "Breathe. I understand. I understand you. I do."

Janus saw so much of himself in those terrified brown eyes. Roman just wanted to protect somebody, and it had gone way too far. What was the poor kid to do? Of course, he had to apologize to Logan. But that would have to be at another time.

Roman shuddered, and before he could overthink anymore, he threw himself into Janus' arms, sobbing vehemently into his shoulder. Guilt washed over him like waves, and he almost wished that Patton was around to punish him. It was what he deserved for attacking somebody weaker than him. In that regard, was Roman really any different from Patton?

"I'm bad," Roman mumbled, "I'm bad, I'm a villain- I'm horrible-..."

"Shh," Janus repeated, rubbing gentle circles onto Roman's back, "Shh, darling. You're not bad. You're not a villain. You're a child. You're a child who's scared. Let yourself be scared. I'm here for you. I'm going to protect you, sweet thing. I promise."

"But what about Logan?" Roman asked, staring up at Janus with tear-stained cheeks and round eyes that broke Janus' heart.

"Logan will be okay, darling," Janus reassured, "He will be. I'm going to help him, and I'll take him to the doctor's, and I'll make sure he's doing okay. He'll understand. He will. He's got to."

"I don't know why I did that," Roman whimpered, "I don't know why I kept going, I could have stopped, he cried for help, I could have stopped!"

"I know, baby, I know," Janus soothed, "I know how it feels. I know. You made a mistake. You messed up. But you're not in trouble. You're not going to get hurt because you hurt someone else. What's the use of that? Then, everybody is hurt, and nobody is happy. Does that make sense?

"I- I- I guess so," Roman whispered, "But- Logan hates me. He hates me now, he hates me, he thinks I'm a monster-"

"He does not think that," Janus said calmly, "He was speaking while he was angry. Think about it. Do you say what you mean when you're angry? Does anybody?"

Roman shuddered. Patton did. But he didn't say so.

"It'll be okay, sweetie," Janus reassured, continuing to hold Roman as he rocked the teenager gently on the carpeted floor. "It's okay."

Janus used to be a violent dog too.

He understood why Roman bit.

#sanders sides #tss #thomas sanders #whump writing #whump community #roman sanders #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fic #tss roman #janus sanders #tss janus #sympathetic janus #tss whumper writing #tss whumper requests #tss heroes and villains au #caretaker janus #whumpee roman #whumper patton

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 8 months

Text

Starved

*materializes into existence*

Hey :D

[beware, this is long]

Idk if you're doing prompts rn (if not, that's okay; remember to take care of yourself). But if you are, may I request some Creativitwins h/c? – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat [i'm not putting the whole req here just cause she LONG]

Read on Ao3

Warnings: starvation, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, body horror (sort of), nightmares

Pairings: none

Word Count: 4250

For Remus, tending to the nightmare realm is just another chore. Eldritch monstrosities, terrifying landscapes, that's just how it is.

But when a new destination appears one night as he's going about his rounds, well, he has to stop in to investigate. What he finds is a horrifying town that has an almost cult-like relationship with hunger. One of the Sides, clearly, suffers from a particularly terrible strain of intrusive thoughts, but who?

"I mean, it just makes sense, really."

Roman snarls, throwing himself against the invisible barrier, but it shimmers mockingly as he's forced to claw and screech in vain, soundless behind its impassable force. On the other side, close enough that he could reach out and touch him—so close, so fucking close—Remus smiles.

"Of course," Logan says softly, reaching out to cup Remus's face as though he's precious, "the Creativity unbound by the shackles of expectation, what else could we hope for?"

"And the passion!" Patton claps his hands, each one making the barrier thunder against Roman's palms. "Where else are we going to find someone with this much drive and motivation?"

"I know, maybe we'll actually see finished products once in a while," Virgil snickers, playfully elbowing Remus in the ribs as a dagger lodges itself in Roman's side.

He howls in pain, still scrabbling at the wall, but it's no use; Remus isn't even looking at him anymore, no one is, they're all too focused on each other, on how perfect Remus fits in now that they're stopping to look at it, and that's what he wants, that's good, he missed his brother so much, he wants him back, he wants him back, he just wants—he wants—

But he's a fool, and he didn't specify that he's selfish enough to want to keep both things.

And now, as he watches Remus pulled into Patton's arms, as he watches Logan smile gently and ruffle his hair, as he watches Virgil grin and rub his hands together gleefully, as he watches Janus turn to look at him—

Janus stares at him through the barrier, a smirk playing on his lips. But it's not a cruel smirk, not a malicious smile, it's the crooked smile every hero has just as they deliver the last quip of the movie.

"Oh, Roman," he whispers, even as his words ring in Roman's ears, "thank god you don't have a mustache."

Roman wakes up.

He's shaking. He's burning under the sheet. He's panting like he's run for his life. He's frozen. He can't move. Why should he move? The barrier will stop him. Wait, no, that's when he's asleep. He's not asleep anymore. He's not, is he? He's so cold. He's so hot. He's so scared.

God, he's so scared.

But why is he so scared? Is it the fact that Remus was accepted? How awful is he, to be scared of that? To be scared that if they find out how wonderful Remus truly is—and he is, Remus is so, so, so wonderful, he is and Roman loves him—that they'll want to keep Remus and get rid of him? That's awful of him! He's not supposed to be scared of his brother being accepted, he's supposed to look forward to it! He's not—he's not—

He's crying, isn't he? That's why he's still shaking. He's scared. He's scared and he's awful and he's crying, why is he crying? What right does he have to cry? Crying is for people who are hurting and deserve comfort. What comfort does he deserve? Because his Imagination conjured up some horrifying reality for him, so horrifying that he got to watch his brother finally get the love and acceptance he deserves and the natural consequences of it? What right does he have to demand comfort after that? He doesn't. He should stop crying. He should stop. Right now.

Oh, god, he can't stop crying.

He's still hurting. His chest is still burning. Why can't he breathe properly? This is stupid; if he's going to be as selfish and needy as he is, he should at least be breathing properly. He can't pretend to be anything other than helpless, can he, that he would steal the air from others' lungs and then not have the decency to breathe it properly? How cruel of him. How unjust of him. How awful he must be.

He should be locked behind a barrier. He should be pushed far away from everyone else. Then he couldn't hurt them. Then his hurt would only hurt him. Then he could be as messy and needy and selfish as he had to be and he would only cause himself pain. That was right. That was better. He should—he should have—should he have realized this years ago? How awful he is, how much he deserves to be put behind a barrier?

The room is closing in. The walls are getting closer. His bed is shrinking. The blankets are pressing him down into the floor, he can't breathe, he can't breathe, he can't breathe—

He can't hear anything. Oh, god, has it happened already? No, no, he wasn't ready—he was just thinking about it, that didn't mean he wanted to go right now—no, he wants one last chance to say goodbye, he's sorry, he's sorry, he's so sorry—

It's so cold.

***

Remus whistles under his breath as he steers the little rudder on the wooden dinghy, around the desecrated shell of some great eldritch beast. He gives the scale an absentminded pat as he drifts by, resolving to come back and check on it later. Perusing his nightmare gallery never did get old, but as far as dreams went, there were certainly better ones to be had. After all, hardly anyone wants to go to work as soon as they fall asleep.

"Win some, lose some," he remarks to the bear cub sitting in the bottom of the boat next to him. The bear cub growls low in its throat and gnaws on a spare bone. "Atta boy."

As he turns to go back towards the mainland, he catches sight of something rising up out of the water to his left. Looking over, he blinks in surprise to see a skeletal forest framing a new mouth of the river, long and jagged shadows reaching out over the water's surface. Frowning, he steers the boat over there, watching as the trees coalesce to form the silhouette of a starving bear. His bear cub lets out a low snuffling noise and shifts closer to his leg. He rubs its head and frowns as they drift under the bear's snarling mouth.

"Do you know what this is?" The bear cub huffs. "Huh. Me neither."

Surprisingly enough, the river ends at a seemingly normal dock. Well, normal for everyone else, in here, that's a little strange. Crowds mill about, each talking gruffly to their immediate neighbor, and someone throws Remus a small rope to tie off his dinghy. He does, the bear cub lingering close to his heels as he starts to walk into the town. Thankfully, he's not in his costume, but a set of plainclothes that he quickly shuffles around to hide the eldritch goo.

The air swirls with a strange miasma, not quite visible enough to put his finger on, but—there's something here. A feeling, almost, a terrible energy that permeates everything he can see. Most wear some sort of face covering, a scarf pulled up over their mouths, or hats worn so low he can only see glimpses of their chin. Those that don't are haggard, bone-weary, with eyes sunken and pulsating deep within their sockets. He can see what should be market stalls hanging their striped banners, but nothing looks to be on sale.

"Good thinking," he hears a raspy voice to his side, and he turns to see a crew of urchins smirking and huffing at him, "having a cub for you, or you for the cub."

His cub—he looks down to see where the cub should've been only to see it's wandered off, sniffing at something, and now whining and growling as a group of long-fingered strangers inch towards it, their mouths open. He whistles sharply and the cub turns tail and runs back to him, gnawing gently on his pants leg.

"Stay close," he bids under his breath as they keep walking, "I don't know what's going on here."

He keeps walking. The bustling streets fade quickly into tiny alleyways, each blocked off by a different makeshift wall that looks like it's designed to be lifted back and forth, a strange gate of sorts. Big, bulky things, the kind that would take at least two strong people to lift. He glances around at the twig-thin limbs and skeletal muscles he can see of the few people that aren't wearing big coats and proper clothes. As he nears one, he frowns. It's made of what looks to be old hide, bound and lashed together with something, but what could possibly be—

A low moaning and the murmur of a crowd.

He turns again, his cub at his side, looking for the source of the commotion. Down the main street a ways, at the mouth of presumably another alley, he sees a group of people peering at something. With one hand tangled in the fur at the cub's neck, he walks over and shoulders his way in to see what's so fascinating.

His eyes widen.

An old man, an old man, who looks barely alive save for the hysterical zeal in his eyes, is hobbling after something rolling along the ground. Every time he's about to pick it up, one of the men in some sort of uniform comes up and kicks it further away from him. The thing rolls through all manner of filth and still the old man hobbles after it. A sick sort of fascination takes hold of Remus's stomach—he should put a stop to this, shouldn't he?—but he finds himself paralyzed, only able to hold his bear cub close.

As the man continues to hobble, he lets go of his cloak. His ribs stand out starkly, each vertebra of his spine clearly visible, and someone in the crowd quickly snatches it up, hoarding it to their chest as a few squabble for it until the uniformed man barks at them to settle down. The man hobbles on, undeterred.

Another shadow lengthens on the ground.

Remus is one of the few that turn to look.

Another man, tall and whip-thin, with an ashen-gray face and monstrous dignity, walks slowly after the pair. His coat, fasted together with large gold buttons down the length of him, flutters in the breeze as though he would blow away at any moment. His hands, the same ashen color as his face, clasp in front of him. A gold signet ring gleams from his finger.

Who, Remus thinks as he clutches the bear cub, who has the sense to be utterly silent, the fuck do you think you are?

"Do you see," the man whispers, his voice picking through the crowd as a centipede picks through the undergrowth on the forest floor, "how desperate we become if we are slaves to our hunger?"

The man in uniform kicks the thing through a puddle that Remus is going to believe is water. The older man still hobbles after it.

"How low our standards become, how quickly we become nothing but beasts, savage and primitive? And how unhappy we are…" The gold signet ring catches another flash of light. "And we are never sated once we give into the need to feed."

The old man finally catches the thing. It drips and cracks with who knows what and still he shoves it in his mouth as though it were the finest feast in all the land. As the crumbs and sludge drip down his face, Remus realizes that it once might have passed for bread.

"And look," says the man as the old figure lets out a howl of despair, "it is never worth the price it takes to feed it."

For even that short hobble seems to have sapped the last of the life force from the old man's wheezing lungs and he keels over right there, still moaning and twitching as the bread rolls limply away from his hands. The uniformed man stands over the corpse and raises a whistle to his lips.

"We are the masters of our own hunger," drones that fucking whisper as many-limbed shadows materialize from the other end of the alley, "until it becomes master of us."

The crowd turns away in shocked horror as the spider-shadow-demon beasts fall upon the corpse. Remus watches the man impassively observing it, idly toying with that fucking golden ring. Then, as if Remus were invisible, he turns and walks back into the crowd, the beasts scuttling after him.

"So," Remus murmurs to the bear cub who was thankfully too short to see any of that, "that was fucking weird."

This isn't one of his. Obviously, because then he would've known what the fuck to expect. As it stands, he can only drift to a somewhat abandoned corner and stare around, trying to discern who this might belong to.

Hunger, that was clearly a theme here. Starvation, almost, given how little food there seems to be and how everyone keeps looking at his bear cub. But a culturally enforced starvation, given by the weird cult vibes of the creepy dude with the ring—a religious figure, maybe? And some nonsense about being masters of hunger, so clearly there was prestige given to being hungry but not giving into it. Those who outwardly expressed their hunger being shamed—well, shamed and humiliated and executed for it.

The bear cub whimpers and Remus crouches down, letting it snuffle into his neck as he strokes its shoulder. A cart drives by with a fancy-looking crest on one side and he squints to make out 'By the Grace of N. Schaumburg' as it passes.

"That must be creepy dude," he murmurs as the bear cub growls, "yeah? What do we think, who's hungry?"

He looks around again. Despite the fact that it's pretty mild weather, everyone's bundled up as though it were the dead of winter. Those that don't wear thick heavy coats huddle together, shivering, mindless mumbling coming from the groups. If he listens closely enough, he can just make out the words, but they don't make any sense.

The bear cub whuffs and tugs on his sleeve.

"What?"

The cub sniffs at a piece of paper blown closer to them. Remus picks it up. It's a pamphlet of some sort with the same crest, announcing an earlier enforced curfew. On the back is a short verse.

Selfishly feed and forever go hungry.

Free and unshackled by hunger are we.

Feeding the beast is an endless task.

Embrace the hunger and be free at last.

"Free from what," Remus whispers to the cub as he finishes reading, "having a body with needs?"

The cub just whines. Remus rubs its head and pockets the pamphlet, standing up slowly and looking around. Okay, so definitely shame associated with needing to feed, something about trying and failing to sate the hunger only leading to it growing, okay…definitely more guilt flying around here than he'd like but they were raised Catholic, so that's not completely unbelievable…

"You there." The uniformed man from before jerks his head at the cub. "What's with the animal?"

"'S my emotional support bear."

The man frowns. "Your what?"

"Nasty business," Remus says instead, nodding toward where the corpse used to be, "does that happen often in this part of town?"

"Not as often as it used to, population's getting better. Since Schaumburg came out with the pills instead of the rations it's been easier to keep the worst of them down." The man glances behind him. "Still. There'll always be a few of them."

"Is that why the new curfew's been enacted?"

"Well, it always gets worse at night, you know. That's when all the rational thought leaves these people and they start scrabbling about for something to feed on. Makes it easier to manage if they're all already indoors, you see."

Okay, so something about not being around others at night, okay, who do we know that's been skipping out of things lately?

"And I've never seen him around either," Remus says, lowering his voice a bit as he nods toward the direction that creepy dude went off in, "is that normal around here too?"

"Oh, Schaumburg doesn't normally come out—" bingo— "but with all the panic about that cold front last night, well…I guess he thought it was necessary."

Cold front last night, cold front last night…what happened last night?

It was movie night last night. Did someone get freaked out by the movie? But it was The Sea Beast, it had cleared everyone's trigger list, everyone had enjoyed it, was that the problem? Or was it something else?

"Now, you seem like a nice enough man—" Remus tries not to take offense, this seems like a good thing in this case— "so I'll just let you off with a word to the wise: get that bear of yours registered with an approved tag or someone's liable to tear it apart, you hear?"

Remus just nods as the official turns away. He looks down at his cub, who's all but cuddling his leg, and glances around.

Several people hug their cloaks or bags close to their chests. A few more stand so close their arms are near around each other as the carts and wagons drive by. A parent tucks their child into a fold of their coat. He remembers the feeling of being snuggled on the couch and how cold it had been when he got up to get a drink. He pulls out the pamphlet and looks closely at the crest, fingers tracing an upside-down crown with teeth mangling the metal.

As if on cue, he hears Roman scream.

***

Virgil huffs, turning over in bed. Remus must be busy tonight; his mouth's been filled with bitter-tasting grossness all evening. Every now and again he gets this awful roaring emptiness in his stomach and he just wants to sleep. He's almost ready to storm down there and tell him to knock whatever he's doing off, it can wait until tomorrow, when he suddenly hears someone scream.

That's…not what Remus's screams sound like.

***

Remus shakes himself awake, grabs his trusty teddy bear, and sinks right into Roman's room. Immediately he's prying Roman's hands away from his face, letting out these soothing little noises and trying to get his attention.

"Hey, hey, Roro, shh, shh, it's okay, c'mere." Roman gasps and shakes and Remus leans in to kiss his forehead. "Hey, hey, c'mon, Ro-Bro, it's just me. It's just me, hey, can you look at me?"

"Re?"

"Yeah, Roro, it's just me, it's just me. Hey, you're doing so good, can you listen to my voice? Just listen to me, I'm right here, we're in your room, we're safe, you're safe, we're all okay." He nudges the teddy bear into Roman's lap and nuzzles it under Roman's chin. "See? All good."

Roman's hands are shaking and in the distance, Remus hears the echo of Schaumburg's voice. He growls and reaches out, taking Roman's hands and looping them around his neck, pulling his brother into a cuddle.

"Hey, Roro, you stay right here with me. Can you do that? Can you hold onto me?"

"It's so cold, Re—it's so—so cold—"

"Shh, it's okay, you can be warm now. I'm warm, right?"

"You're so warm—how are you so warm—"

"Come steal all my warmth, okay? Come steal all of it, it's all for you, I'm gonna give it to you." Remus tucks Roman's head under his chin and rocks him slightly back and forth. "There, there you go, shh, shh, it's okay, Roro."

"I'm sorry," Roman gasps out and Remus's chest aches, "I'm sorry, I'm awful, I'm so sorry!"

"You're not awful, Roro. Nope, no disagreeing," he says softly as Roman opens his mouth to protest, "you're not awful. You had a really fucked up nightmare and your intrusive thoughts are way too loud but you're not awful."

Roman freezes. "You—you saw it?"

"I didn't see your nightmare, no, but I—your intrusive thoughts made a place in my nightmare realm and I saw that."

"I'm so sorry—"

"Hey," Remus murmurs, pulling him back enough to cup his face and make him look at his eyes, "don't apologize for the shit your brain does, okay? You're safe here with me. I'm gonna be right here, okay? I got you."

To his dismay, Roman's lower lip trembles and big tears bubble at the corners of his eyes again. "B-but I—"

"Roman?" That's Virgil's voice, why the fuck is he—oh, right, panic. "Princey?"

"Hey, shh," Remus soothes as Roman tries to hide in the lea of him, "hey, it's okay. I won't let him hurt you."

"Remus? Is that you?"

"Yeah. What do you want?"

"I heard the scream, I've been feeling his panic—look, I don't wanna shout through the door, can I come in?"

"Can he?" Roman takes a little too long to nod but he does. "Yeah, Virgil, get in here."

Virgil slips through the door and takes one look at Remus hovering protectively over his brother and immediately changes into the softest hoodie and sweatpants he has. He crouches down so it's easier for Roman to look at him and his voice drops to a low rumble.

"Hey, Princey," he says gently as Roman turns to look at him, "seems like you're having a real rough time right now, can I come help?"

"S-sorry."

"It's okay, bud, I'm not mad. You're gonna be okay. I just wanna help."

"I won't let him hurt you," Remus whispers, rubbing his back, "you're safe here."

It takes another long moment, but Roman slowly reaches out a hand and Virgil takes it, letting Roman draw him onto the bed. He joins Remus in rubbing up and down Roman's back, gently carding his fingers through his hair.

"Hey, Princey," he murmurs, still speaking softly, "you have a bad dream? Yeah? You wanna talk about it?"

Roman shakes his head.

"Can I ask Remus what's going on? Yeah? Thanks, bud."

Remus sighs, letting Roman cuddle into him. "He's not been having a good time recently, what with…everything going on. I think Patton and Janus blowing up about selfish stuff got into his head and Logan's whole…deal about rising above what he calls 'base' needs isn't helping."

"…yeah, shit, that sounds—that's not great."

"And, you know, being insulted and belittled every time he opens his mouth isn't helping either," Remus adds, glaring at Virgil as he winces.

"I know. I—fuck."

"Yeah. So be really fucking careful right now."

"Hey, Roman," Virgil calls softly, giving Roman the gentlest shake to get his attention, "hey, Princey, can you look at me for a second?"

Roman's head peeks out and Virgil smiles, reaching out to wipe a tear from his cheek.

"Hey, there, bud. You're okay. Was what Remus said right, are you—is shit a little too much right now?" Roman nods. "You want some reassurance, or do you just want us to be here?"

"'M sorry," Roman mumbles, "'m not—'m not trying to be needy."

"You're not being needy, Princey, you're upset and you want to be comforted. That's not needy."

"Or selfish either," Remus says when fucking Schaumburg starts whispering again, "you're allowed to want things and have them. That's not something to be ashamed of or feel guilty for."

"Shit," he hears Virgil mutter under his breath before there's another set of arms around Roman, "no, Princey, you're not bad for wanting things. Is this—I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I shouldn't have left you alone for movie night last night either."

Right. Right, everyone else had cuddled up on the couch and Roman had arrived later when there was no room—fuck, Roro, I'm so sorry.

"It's okay, bud, you're okay. You're okay, you're safe, we're not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry," Roman cries out, hiding his face in the teddy bear, "I'm not—I'm trying, I'm trying, but it's so cold, I'm sorry—"

"Don't be sorry for wanting," Remus scolds lightly, glancing at Virgil who nods and starts gathering the blankets, "you're allowed to want things. And you just had a nightmare, that's an automatic you-get-cuddles-now. We can figure everything else out tomorrow, okay?"

Finally, finally Roman sniffles and looks up at both of them. "You guys really don't mind?"

"Nope!"

"Nah," Virgil says, ruffling his hair, "come cuddle, Princey."

As they all start to get ready to fall back asleep, Remus makes eye contact with Virgil. Virgil nods as Roman starts to doze—poor Roro, he must be so tired—and they close their eyes together.

***

Remus's bear cub growls lightly at Virgil as they reappear in the abandoned corner, but he pats its head. "He's a friend, it's okay."

"Yeesh," Virgil mutters, looking around, "this whole place feels like panic attack, is it always like this?"

"Roman's just really not having a good time right now. Just be glad you weren't here earlier."

"You know what, I'm not even gonna ask." Virgil takes a deep breath and tugs a little on his jacket, glancing around. "So! What's the plan?"

"I'm feeling like some anti-government arson and a side of political assassination, how about you?"

"Let's go start a riot."

The bear cub growls, swelling and growing until it's the size of a nearby wagon and Remus grins.

We gotcha, Roro. Sweet dreams.

#sanders sides #roman sanders #roman angst #virgil sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #dragonbabbles #fic

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