#second if I was going to promote myself I'd do it here

[jokeroutsubs]

[ENG sub/translation] Bojan Cvjetićanin: "Slovenia is too small for Tinder" (podcast)

Bojan Cvjetićanin on Cosmopolitan podcast, originally published on the 15th of September 2020 here. Podcast host: Anamarija Lukovec. Translation by @varianestoroff, native English proofreading by TWT @/klámstrákur.

This is an audio-only podcast, but you can listen and read the subtitles along with it here:

or you can read the full transcript in this post!

Teaser:

Bojan: I don't want to be available... available with a click. I want to be available in that if I am sitting in a bar, anyone can come up to me, that any girl can come up to me and ask me, I don't know, “Would you like to have a drink with me?”, “Can I have your number?”, whatever. Which doesn't happen anymore anyway, but...

Full transcript under the cut!

Host: Hi, believe it or not, the Cosmo Podcast is back. And it's back for a new, changed second season. Some things will stay the same, some things will change a little. And the very first thing that remains the same is that ... it remains the same that I will still be in front of the microphone. My name is Anamarija Lukovec and I'm the executive editor of Cosmopolitan.

In fact, I was thinking that we don't even know each other. We don't even know each other, actually. Even if you've heard all the episodes from last season, you probably don't know anything about me. I don't know anything about you. So I will introduce myself with one piece of information, which has somehow defined the new season. I notice in myself that I have many opinions that are not widely held. And also that, [while we] as a society are promoting ourselves as increasingly open-minded, free-thinking, accepting, we often act very hypocritically and are even Hostile to opinions that are not in line with ours, or with some opinions that are accepted by the majority.

So I want every guest of mine who comes to the new season of the podcast to present their unpopular opinion as a starting point for our discussion. To break taboos, to talk about things that may often go unheard to educate ourselves, and perhaps to anger or soothe our souls. Okay. Yes, and I'd really like to get to know you too, I'd like to know who you are, who's basically a Cosmo Podcast listener, so I'm inviting you, to send me your ideas, your secrets, your compliments, your complaints. Or you can just write, "Hi". I suggest Instagram for that. You can DM me at lunaticpoetry. It's L-U-N-A-T-I-C-P-O-E-T-R-Y. And yes, I don't use my real name, more on that another time.

So yeah, if you're up for it, we can get started and kick off a new season of the podcast. My first guest, yes, it's a male guest, not a female guest, I can't believe it, a round of applause... he's a musician, singer, frontman of the band Joker Out, Bojan Cvjetićanin. I'm sure you know him. I am sure you have a very good reason for knowing him. Bojan came to talk to me about relationships, dating, girls...

Before that, before we did the podcast, he also made a video. We invited him for a blind date in front of the camera because Bojan is single, wink wink. So yeah, I invite you, after you're done listening to the podcast, to click over to youtube.com/cosmopolitanslovenija where you can watch the blind date with Bojan¹.

And yes, let's start, right. Hi Bojan.

Bojan: Hi.

Host: How was your first blind date on camera?

Bojan: I was a bit nervous because I hadn't been on any blind dates before, and then the first time it was in front of the camera, oh my gosh. The camera catches everything, you can't hide anything. But I think I did a great job. The girl was great too.

Host: Do you think maybe you two have a future together?

Bojan: I don't know. I don't know. I must take a look at the crystal ball at home.

Host: Ah ok. In fact, our topic for today, your unpopular opinion, is also a little bit about love, dating, and so on. Can you just reveal your thoughts?

Bojan: My unpopular opinion, I don't know how unpopular it really is, but it is that Slovenia is too small for Tinder.

Host: Okay. And why do you think so?

Bojan: I feel that way because it seems to me that we all know someone who knows someone, and in Slovenia, this kind of social network very quickly turns into something where in the end everybody knows everybody and Tinder, at least in my experience, is quite, how should I say... funny, because you very quickly come across people you know.

Host: But maybe Slovenia is too small for dating in general? Because sooner or later you find, meet, date someone who someone you know has dated or been in contact with.

Bojan: I think it is. In fact, it is... We have this concept of dating, which I think is very different from the American one. In America, it's normal to go out with someone a couple of times a week and then, if you like them, you go to another one and maybe something develops. I don't think that exists here. Here, if you like someone a lot, you write to them on Instagram and then, if you're lucky, they say you can go out and two days later everyone knows.

Host: Yes, pretty much.

Bojan: Then you are off the list for all her friends.

Host: You close the door.

Bojan: Yes

Host: Do you think that makes us slower to go public with our relationships?

Bojan: Shoot, I don't know. Maybe we are a bit more secretive about it then, because of that, because we want to keep that certain feeling that the whole city doesn't know exactly who you're with but then all your friends are thinking about whether they know someone who was with your girlfriend or for girls if one of them was with her boyfriend.

Host: But perhaps the biggest problem here is that we are somehow closing our options, when we decide too quickly whether to be with someone

Bojan: To close our options with others?

Host: Yeah, let's say, because you know that if you're with a girl, then you probably won't go out with her friends or acquaintances. Well...

Bojan: In fact, that's probably pretty true, yes. Because I already feel that since we tend to introduce our friends to our online followers, and you're usually with them on stories and in photos, it would be a bit strange if one of your acquaintances dated the same person two months later, when you [and that person] were previously in the same pictures.

Host: And everyone would know. And suddenly you have a soap opera in front of the whole world.

Bojan: Right.

Host: Since you said Tinder is too small for Slovenia, you probably have your own experience with Tinder. You mentioned something earlier when we were filming. Would you tell us a little bit about your encounter with this app?

Bojan: I have a rather funny experience with Tinder. I was very interested to see what it was like. And of course I had to download it. And I made a profile, I put like three photos up and so on. And then I started getting screenshots of my Tinder profile in Instagram messages from some followers, “Oh my god, is that you?”, “Hey, is that you?”, and so I was like, “No, it's not me, no. It's a fake profile. It's a fake profile.” And it felt really awkward so I deleted it immediately.

Host: But why did you feel awkward?

Bojan: I actually made one because I was curious...

Host: In what it is like?

Bojan: In what it is like. This user experience. You actually see people and you just swipe them and there are no consequences. Nothing happens if you swipe someone left or if you swipe someone right. And I found that very interesting. But then I realised, yes, okay, but now it can be public opinion that I need to look for a girlfriend through an online service.

Host: Girlfriend. Or a one night stand.

Bojan: Right.

Host: Do you think public opinion is generally negative towards online dating? Because it seems to me there it is a kind of stigma, or something people are hesitant about when going online to look for love or a partner, because it's, I don't know...

Bojan: I think that this ‘Frendi in Flirt’ (‘Friends and Flirting’)² started when I was little and then the whole story was that these are services for people who are desperate. Both Tinder and these apps have normalised things a lot, I think, because it's virtually at everyone's fingertips. You sign in with that one click to connect with Facebook or you make a password and that's it. It used to be a process of making a profile and a photo and put the age and blah blah blah. And it was a bit more official, I think, when you decided to take that step. Now it's not a step anymore, now it's just, I download it in my room at home and in three minutes I have Tinder. So I don't think there is that much stigma about online dating anymore, I also know a lot of people who are in some kind of relationship through this, so I'd say there's still a bit of that, okay, LOL, you met on Tinder, there is no stigma of being a sad loner, someone desperate.

Host: By going on Tinder, you are basically admitting to the whole world or to all people who will see you there, that you are looking for something. And that's a bit awkward for us to admit. Yes, I am looking for something.

Bojan: Yes, in fact it is. I also... that was one of the reasons I deleted it. I mean, what is there for me to find now, you know?

Host: I'm cool on my own.

Bojan: Yeah, I mean, no, I'm cool on my own, but that, well, not everyone needs to know, that I am now looking for something, and that I am very available. Do you know what the cool thing is? That... I don't want to be available... available with a click. I want to be available in that if I am sitting in a bar, anyone can come up to me, that any girl can come up to me and ask me, I don't know, “Would you like to have a drink with me?”, “Can I have your number?”, whatever. Which doesn't happen anymore anyway, but... I would like to be available like that. But I don't want to be available for someone who can just swipe on me.

Host: Yes, yes, okay. Now, you said that a couple of girls screenshotted your Tinder and then sent it to you on Instagram. Did those same girls, for example, message you directly on Instagram?

Bojan: You mean directly on Tinder?

Host: Yes. No. Yes. Or directly on Instagram. Let's say, okay, on Tinder, if you didn't swipe them, they couldn't get to you...

Bojan: Yeah, probably then they wouldn't be able to.

Host: But then they wrote to you on Instagram, probably in some, I don't know, wishful thinking to get in touch with you. Why do you think they don't go directly to Instagram? Why... Seeing you on Tinder gave them a green light: "Oh, in fact, he is free, I can write to him."

Bojan: Maybe. But I also think it is a much easier way to just communicate something that already exists, than to start a conversation yourself. That's the same as, I don't know, I think most of the time, if we're sliding into someone's DMs, we're sliding through some story first or something you can reply to. It's much easier to reply back to something they've posted, than starting a conversation from scratch, where you let the person know you've come with the purpose that you want to get to know them and initiate a relationship. Like that looks so innocent: I'm just replying to what you posted.

Host: Can you explain to me this game of sliding in the DMs, because I'm a bit out of the loop?

Bojan: Okay. Honestly, I don't know what can I tell you, because I don't practice it at such a level either. I have two ways to slide into the DMs, I think. One is that if I see something on a story that I actually find interesting or funny, I slide into the DMs and I don't really mean to initiate anything else. And I just comment on what went on there, and sometimes a really interesting conversation starts afterwards. But sometimes you really do just reply, because why not?

Host: Okay. You've camouflaged it so well now that no girl will be able to tell exactly what you want the next time you slide.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Good. But what do you think happened to the actual old school approach towards a girl or towards a guy in person?

Bojan: I mean, it has changed completely, but now, basically, now that I think about it, I wouldn't dare say which way. I definitely think it is much easier if you see someone outside and you like them, wait until you get home and text them on Instagram, "Hey, saw you in town." Or whatever. "Would you like to go for a coffee with me?" Asking someone out for coffee rather than actually approaching them.

On the other hand, it seems to me that since we are all so exposed on these social networks, giving our followers the impression that they are somehow present in our lives, letting them into all kinds of situations, so that I could say that people feel as if they're already your friends somehow, before they even know you. So maybe in a way... basically, I will say, I think it's much easier for people to get to you at parties now, because they feel that they are somehow already connected, or that they already know something about you and can initiate a conversation based on something you do or post and share on your social networks. In the city, when you see someone, it's easier to wait until you get home and then write to them on Instagram.

But the last time I went out for ice cream with a friend, a dude actually came along and he was like, "Hi, can I just grab you for a second?" and I thought that some Jehovah's Witness was going to start selling some books there. And the guy actually came and told my friend that he couldn't resist, because he liked her so much that he just came to ask for her contact, to take her out for a drink and I was like "Wow, what a gentleman."

Host: Plus you were there.

Bojan: I was there. The first thing he asked, he was very polite, the first thing he asked was if we were a couple. I said no, go ahead. And he was, indeed, extremely kind. A very polite guy.

Host: And did she give it to him?

Bojan: Hey, she gave him her Facebook, I think. I don't know if they went out after that, I have no idea. But it was pretty impressive for me, he got respect points from me.

Host: Cool. How do you act if you see one girl somewhere and you like her?

Bojan: I usually try to find out who the girl is as quickly as possible, then sneak into some of the places where she's hanging around, you know?

Host: Aha, oh, but that's...

Bojan: I mean, ok, that sounded a little bit creepy now.

Host: No, no, it's fine.

Bojan: I watched two episodes of that show, 'She'...

Host: ‘She'?

Bojan: Isn't 'She' the series?

Host: ‘You'?

Bojan: ‘You'. That, yes, sorry. Yeah, I've just realised that I've been that dude, very creepy.

Host: They're probably people you have something in common with, you don't just...

Bojan: Yes, I didn't mean like sneaking in, just going out somewhere, but I meant more along the lines of, ok, now I see she's going to Kino Šiška for an event and then I will go there on purpose, even if I wasn't planning to otherwise. For example, you just invite a friend for a beer and watch out for where she is.

Host: How would you describe your love life or the current situation?

Bojan: I am extremely single. I don't know what you call it. Single and ready to mingle.

Host: To mingle.

Bojan: But actually, I don't know, I'm not looking for anything. I'm in a period now in which I'm like, trying to devote myself as much as possible to music and all that. So I try to be as creative as possible and not let any unnecessary thoughts distract me from being creative. But if anything ever happens, I'm always open to socialising.

Host: Since we were just talking about Tinder earlier. Tinder is also often associated with certain modern relationships, which often have some negative connotations. Undefined relationships and indecisiveness. Blablabla. Fuckboys, etc. But do you think this is really a new culture?

Bojan: From what I hear from acquaintances who live in slightly bigger countries, Tinder is actually just there as a means to get to non-committal sex very quickly. In Slovenia... given that I've never actually used it properly, I don't know exactly. But I suppose, knowing people who are in serious relationships, that people here take it a bit more as... actually seeing someone, they might like each other and go out and get to know each other. But there are almost certainly a lot of people who are only there for the sex. I mean...

Host: Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Bojan: No, I mean, I don't think it's bad at all, really, because if two people are physically attracted to each other and if they are actually safe in their physical relationship, which is to say, approaching the matter safely, I see absolutely no problem with that, honestly.

Host: Do you have any personal objections, like what you wouldn't do in a relationship or romance? Given that so many things are so okay and acceptable nowadays and things are...

Bojan: What do you mean?

Host: I don't know.

Bojan: Be more specific.

Host: Let's say open relationships, cheating...

Bojan: Aha. Okay, I've practically only been in a serious relationship once and when I was in the serious relationship I would never have thought of an open relationship and I never cheated. It honestly seems to me that if two people date in an open relationship and it works for them or rather, it suits them, then I have no problem. But if two people are in a monogamous relationship, cheating is one thing that's very, very wrong to me, I do not support it at all. So, I have nothing against open unions, I would not practice them myself. At least not for now. I have a very negative attitude towards cheating.

Host: Personally, I think Slovenia is totally too small for cheating in general, we don't approve of it.

Bojan: Absolutely.

Host: But how do you think this even works? People still do it.

Bojan: Hey, in fact, people do it full on. I mean, I have a big circle of people around me and I hear many stories and I, personally, with this anxiety that I have inside, I couldn't even manage these master plans and combine multiple hidden lives. I don't know. But some people actually enjoy it very much.

Host: You really have to have a lot of time to do that. It must be a hobby for you.

Bojan: It must be, I guess, a hobby for you, but you must really not feel sorry for your partner. Because you always find out in the end, undoubtedly always. Never...

Host: I think you find out before you even cheat. For example, when we were looking for a girl to go on a blind date with you the other day, a colleague contacted a girl. Before she even heard back from her, that girl's brother told her that he already knew she'd been looking for his sister. So within fifteen minutes it got around. So, let's say, one example of how quickly information gets around Slovenia.

Bojan: Well, here we go. Pretty awkward.

Host: Considering you're a young musician and I kind of feel like you musicians have a reputation for certain qualities when it comes to women and relationships. Would you say that you are the usual, stereotypical womaniser, someone who breaks women's hearts? Because I'm sure someone would believe that you are.

Bojan: Yes, I know that too, they are convinced that I am. I think, that at least here, some Casanova style Mick Jagger rock'n'roll version is impossible, because it's one thing to be in Los Angeles one day and New York the next. I would absolutely not call myself a womaniser. I choose the relationships I have very carefully. But I am very flirtatious. I do very much enjoy flirting, actually, not at all because I would have expected any starting point from this, we know what I mean by that. But just for that, because it's actually a lot of fun to give someone some playful signals and receive them back. I think it's a bit like, it gets your adrenaline flowing a bit, it's not harmful at all, I'm sure it releases hormones of happiness and joy along with it, so I think that it's only healthy and that people should be more flirtatious in general.

Host: How do you make yourself more flirtatious? Let's say, it seems to me that it really depends on someone's nature.

Bojan: It's in our natures, but I think people just need to relax and open up a bit. I think most people have feelings inside them, but they don't dare to express them. I mean, if I like... if I like a girl, I have no problem with that, if we look at each other, catch each other's eyes, I'll smile nicely, I don't know, if it's appropriate at the moment, I don't know, I'll wink. Or something. You know what I mean? Not winking like this, "What's up babygirl?", but in a way that is playfully flirtatious. Whatever. I think people need to realise that these things are not a crime and that someone won't hold a grudge against you if you smile at them beautifully, [or] if you initiate a small conversation, because that is just a small part of our lives and [we are just] creating some bonds, so I think showing emotion is a very important thing.

Host: But what if I linked it to, let's say, cheating? How would you feel if your partner or you flirted with others while you were in a relationship? Would you consider that cheating?

Bojan: I wouldn't consider it cheating, but it would probably bother me, so I'd want to talk about it.

Host: How would you defend your generation, to which perhaps the older generations ascribe many prejudices, looking at the way we... what kind of relationships we have, how we socialise?

Bojan: I think it is very easy for each generation to look at the younger generation and... to look down on the younger generation and judge them, because maybe things were a little different in their time. All these things are very much linked to the whole lifestyle we have. It's not just the way young people are in relationships today, or the kind of life as a couple they have, because it's all connected to our whole lifestyle and living on the internet, travelling the world at every moment and blablabla. I find that very hypocritical of them, given that they are a generation, or okay, maybe they're a bit younger than this generation, but they were nevertheless this certain generation of this free love, psychedelia, who used sex and drugs to push back on the war. So it seems to me that this particular delinquency was far from being invented by us but it dates back to ancient times. So I think for all people, who think that young people today have invented some perversions, open relationships, gayness, and so on should read a book from ancient Greece or Rome and see, that Caligula³ lived all this two thousand years ago.

Host: Just a little less hidden, I guess.

Bojan: Yes, maybe.

Host: Would you be up for a challenge? Since you said you're not a womaniser.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: I have a BuzzFeed test here.

Bojan: BuzzFeed test?

Host: Are you a fuckboy? Do you want to take it?

Bojan: Okay, let's go.

Host: Have you ever sent a "You up?" text? "Are you sleeping?"

Yes, once. I promise.

No, never.

Yeah, that's my go-to move.

Bojan: No. I don't think so, really.

Host: Have you ever cheated on someone?

Bojan: No.

Host: You said it. "Have you ever sent an unwanted picture of your "little friend"?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever sexted more than one person at the same time?

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Have you slept with two people in the same week?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever made up an excuse to leave immediately after sex?

Bojan: I think, yes.

Host: Have you ever convinced someone that you didn't need to use a condom?

Bojan: No.

Host: I would never. Okay. Have you ever posted a picture without your shirt on?

Bojan: Yes, indeed. In fact, I must have been shirtless a couple of times in the stories now, but I posted one shirtless photo two years ago.

Host: Ok.

Bojan: At sea.

Host: Yes, yes. Do you think all of your exes are "crazy bitches"?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever asked a girl to send nudes?

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Have you ever bragged about girls you've been with?

Bojan: Like openly?

Host: Yes.

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you complained about being "friendzoned"?

Bojan: Almost certainly.

Host: Ok. Have you ever sent that emoji of a monkey covering its eyes?

Bojan: No.

Host: Do you have any...

Bojan: What is this monkey's thing?

Host: I don't know, maybe... it's some fuckboy hallmark, I don't know.

Do you have any V-neck tees?

Bojan: Mhm.

Host: Do you wear them?

Bojan: My mum bought them for me, so I guess it's not really fuckboyish.

Host: Yes. Do you have any tattoos that are only visible while wearing a V-neck?

Bojan: No.

Host: Do you have any tattoos?

Bojan: No, I don't.

Host: Have you ever slid into a girl's Twitter DMs?

Bojan: I don't have Twitter.

Host: What about Instagram? We said yes.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Are you in a band? Yees.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: You see, the hallmark of fuckboys. Are you a DJ?

Bojan: No. I mean, if she wants, I can be a DJ.

Host: Could be: "No, but my friend is this like super poppin' DJ".

Bojan: Yes, it could, it's true.

Host: Oh, it doesn't work.

Bojan: Can't fix it anymore?

Host: No. What are Top-Sider⁴?

Bojan: I don't know.

Host: We'll put... oh, it's some shoes.

Bojan: Then I'm sure not, because I only wear one pair of trainers, and that's these.

Host: I don't think that's it. Have you ever introduced a girl you've been dating as your "friend"?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever randomly texted a girl you booty called more than a year ago?

Bojan: Booty called? Wait, what if I what?

Host: If you've been with a girl then, after a long time, you write her a random message.

Bojan: Almost certainly, yes.

Host: But were you genuinely interested in how her life was going or just a little bit because you saw her on Instagram?

Bojan: I think only because I saw her on Instagram.

Host: Have you ever travelled to Southeast Asia?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever explained craft beer to a woman?

Bojan: Let's say yes, I think, but...

Host: Yes, but she was genuinely interested.

Bojan: Let's put down "She was genuinely interested", yes.

Host: Ok.

Bojan: Because I don't really know what craft beer is myself. But I mean... I think one of them asked me once why I was drinking it, because she found it very disgusting.

Host: Have you ever based an outfit on one of Kanye West's outfits?

Bojan: Oh, no, unfortunately.

Host: Do you own a hoodie that costs more than some people's rent?

Bojan: No. If you add up all the hoodies, they don't cost like a tenth of the rent.

Host: Have you ever ghosted someone?

Bojan: This means...

Host: That you suddenly stopped replying to them. The girls. Did you have a legitimate reason or did your phone die?

Bojan: Sure... yeah I did, but not like that, ghosting is probably for a very long time, no? To disappear completely?

Host: I don't know.

Bojan: Or just that, I don't know. To disappear completely?

Host: You disappear completely.

Bojan: No, this not.

Host: No.

Bojan: Just for a day or so, I took a creative break.

Host: Oh, good. It's not ghosting. Have you ever gone to a party with one girl and left with another?

Bojan: No. I go practically alone to parties almost always.

Host: And then home.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Have you ever hit on a girlfriend's... one of your girlfriend's friends?

Bojan: No. Maybe after, when she was already... Not when we were together.

Host: Ok. What about one of your close friend's exes?

Bojan: That... no, homeboys, no, no, a homeboy is a true friend, I'd never do that in my life.

Host: Did you ever say you didn't have an STD and you did?

Bojan: God, no.

Host: And... You are probably a decent human being. Here's the proof. Live. Now no one can accuse you of being one... if anyone says anything to you.

Bojan: It's official! I'm not a fuckboy.

Host: Alright, that's it. Now, to finish, we have a couple of other unpopular opinions which I have chosen, and you will comment whether you agree or disagree, if you find it very stupid, or if there is any truth in it. First: people drink gin because it is fashionable.

Bojan: I think some people do enjoy gin. [But] I think it's disgusting, honestly. But I think some people find gin good.

Host: Ok, I agree too, because I find it good myself.

Bojan: Aha, ok.

Host: Star Wars is not really good.

Bojan: I'm not the right one to answer that, because I actually never watched it. I watched the old one a hundred years ago, they were pretty good.

Host: For those times. I mean, I'm not really interested, but maybe I'm...

Bojan: I've honestly never been drawn to Star Wars at all.

Host: Yes, I can understand why someone would think that. Pineapple on pizza?

Bojan: I haven't tried. But it looks and sounds disgusting to me.

Host: I've tried it, but it's not so bad. Although it's true that I ate it in America, where everything else was so bad that it wasn't so disgusting in comparison.

Bojan: Okay, fair. I think, if so many people eat it, it probably doesn't.

Host: Yes. Give it a try.

Bojan: I mean, there must be something to it.

Host: It's a bit sweet. Like in a Chinese restaurant, that sweet and sour...

Bojan: Yeah, I'm not exactly very... yeah, I don't think it would be good for me, but look, maybe, I mean, I'll give it a try sometime. I'll tell you.

Host: Please do. Here. Tinder themed. LinkedIn is a better choice for dating than Tinder.

Bojan: LinkedIn? Isn't that for business?

Host: Yes. Here someone thinks it's a better way to do things.

Bojan: I have no idea. No, I don't think so.

Host: Maybe you can find someone in your...

Bojan: Business. Yes, maybe.

Host: And the Foo Fighters are better than Nirvana.

Bojan: Never in life. They are sick, but not...

Host: They are not better.

Bojan: No.

Host: Ok. Do you have any more shoutouts to say?

Bojan: Shoutout?

Host: What would you like to highlight at the end of the podcast?

Bojan: Well, let people be aware. Maybe now really isn't the time to be very flirtatious and go into close spaces with strangers. Nothing, be healthy, love each other, and be flirtatious but with a mask, and listen to Joker Out.

Host: Smile with your eyes.

Bojan: Yes. Smile with your eyes.

Host: Bye.

Bojan: Bye bye.

¹You can watch the 'Bojan Cvjetićanin Cosmopolitan blind date' video with subtitles in English, as well as in several other languages, on our YouTube channel here.

²'Frendi in Flirt' ('Friends and Flirting') is a Slovenian website dedicated to people looking for dating and adventure who are over 18 years old, who want to meet new people to socialize and chat or find the love of their life.

³Caligula was the third Roman emperor. Known ancient historical sources have handed down an image of Caligula as a despot, emphasising his extravagance, eccentricity and depravity.

⁴Sperry or Sperry Top-Sider is an American boat shoe company.

#bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #joker out #Youtube

[crow2222]

Darry with a shrimp/sea food allergy that he and the gang only realize after he's eaten it?

I'm genuinely curious of how and why you thought of this, it left me stumped for a while because I don't have any allergies 😭 but after weeks of being in my drafts, here you go!!

WC; 1268

Summary; The gang go out to celebrate Darry's big promotion until something goes horribly wrong.

We were out for food after I found out I had a big promotion coming up, for some ungodly reason I let my brothers decide the place we'd be going for dinner and for some reason I knew I'd regret the seafood.

It all happened not in the way that I expected. I just figured I wouldn't like it or something, I really only liked the grilled fish the way Dad used to make it, or maybe my body couldn't digest it and I'd stay up in the bathroom.

The restaurant itself seemed pretty soc-y for a couple of greasers like us and the amount of times I had to stop the guys from misbehaving is embarrassing.

At least we were in our nice clothes. As nice as we own anyways.

Pony, Soda, Steve, Twobit and I quickly got our orders in, where I also had to remind them there's still a price limit, which was mostly directed at my non-blood brothers. "Just because I got a promotion doesn't mean I'm suddenly made of money" I hissed to Twobit who tried to get the most expensive meal on the menu.

Afterwards, Twobit made sure everyone in that damn restaurant heard his latest story with a blonde he "managed to score", which was so foul I had to cover Pony's ears after my attempt of shutting up the culprit himself was futile.

It didn't take long for our food to arrive, and I actually found my shrimp and rice enjoyable. It was a bland meal sure, but I was used to simple dishes from my own cooking, surely there's nothing wrong with getting something small, whereas Ponyboy thought the opposite and got himself a huge steak which not even I could finish by the looks of it.

And then on the other side of me, Soda seemed upset because his meal (salmon) wasn't dyed another colour like he'd find himself doing so, but I didn't bother to even comfort him. No one else did either, it's just one of those things you can't talk about to him. If I knew any better, he probably had a blue dye bottle in his shoe he might pull out any second to dye our food.

Twobit got lobster tail which seemed interesting to me, so much so that I managed to sneak a bit of it for myself once his head was turned. I didn't really dislike it, but it was just not my kinda thing.

And last but not least, Steve. He also had something with shrimp in it like me, but it seemed more like a complicated dish. It resembled a salad which looked like an impossible meal for a sweet tooth like Steve to eat but glory, he ate it all up. I'll give him that much.

I had to admit I felt a bit weird as I stared at my cleared plate. I don't know what it was, maybe the seafood was actually going to make me sick like I feared, but I didn't bring any notice to my odd feeling and quickly wiped my runny nose with my napkin before we got up.

Once I paid the bill I was preparing to regret anyways, we headed out to the Dingo to meet up with other guys to have fun with. I knew what the fun was going to consist of, so despite the heat from the gang and nicknames like "buzzkill" and "party-pooper" being thrown at me, despite the fact I was the reason they were even celebrating in the first place, I was going to head home. The way I had to start fighting the urge to throw up just convinced me to get home faster.

I was mumbling my goodbye's to everyone at the parking lot and telling Ponyboy and Sodapop to come home at curfew or else we'd have a problem, but my threats weren't coming off strong with my sudden shortness of breath.

I let out a sharp wheeze at the end of my sentence as my breathing started to quicken, as if I couldn't get enough air.

"Darry?" Sodapop immediately knew something was up judging by his tone of his voice, or maybe it was Ponyboy. I don't remember..

I let my calloused fingers wrap around my throat as I gasped and coughed violently, each cough racking through my body. What the fuck is happening? Twobit tried to remove my hands clutching my neck for some reason, did he think I was choking myself or something? I felt my throat get squeezed more and more with each passing second.

The nausea quickly became overwhelming, to the point where I let myself fall to my knees and double over, ready to get rid of the poison in my stomach but my cough was completely stopping me.

I could feel the confusion and panic from the gang around me, but I had no answers like I'd usually have. I felt just as confused and panicked as them, if not more.

I felt tears prickle through my eyes as I screwed them shut. Somethings very fucking wrong.. Why is this happening?

I felt so many hands on me and eventually I heard the old creak of the truck. That's when I realised I was pushed into the passengers seat. I don't know who was beside me, or driving, or who were the lucky friends stuck in the back but I couldn't find myself caring as I struggled to breathe, the itch covering my arms wasn't helping either.

I was trying, I was trying so goddamned hard to breath but to no avail. I was spluttering and choking still, with a gasp of air here and there that managed to keep me somewhat conscious. I feel the need to say "somewhat" because if I was going to be honest, I felt like I was on the brink of staying conscious.

I had a mighty strong itch on my arms at this point but I was too preoccupied with holding my throat to scratch myself. I don't know why I was doing that, a reflex I guess.

We must've arrived at the hospital at some point during my rushing thoughts because next thing I know, I was on a stretcher, maybe I was on the couch at home? and cold hands were all over me again, this time they were fighting me with my arms, I remember the satisfying feeling of letting go of myself and punching someone before they managed to get my arms stiff by my side.

Someone was holding me down, and before I could open my eyes to the harsh lights that was visible from my eyelids, I felt something cold enter in my thigh.

I didn't know if my brothers were even near me at this point, but I was rolled somewhere where I was pricked with something again and finally a mask on my face.

I greedily took in the air given to me, which I realised was even possible because my throat wasn't as closed up anymore. Did they actually help me?

It then took a little while longer until all the medical staff left and my brothers were allowed in.

Despite my mind still being a bit fuzzy, I listened to the nurse that entered alongside my brothers that explained my situation. I had something called an anaphylactic shock.

Basically, I had a severe allergy reaction to something, and I know exactly what it was.

The glance Ponyboy and Sodapop shared told me they knew as well.

"How about rice and beans next time Darry?"

God I hated them.

#the outsiders #darry curtis #theoutsiders #the outsiders darry curtis #you're telling me a shrimp fried this rice? #please give me feedback #i know i can improve #is this pov and tense confusing? i hope not

[yours-dearly]

Tangled in my soul

My dearest, I long for you greatly

The feeling of dried blood on the tips of his fingers while he rubbed them together was distracting, he made the choice to focus on that instead of what had beed occupying his mind , but once the door slammed open he was brought back to where he was currently seated outside the office of LT. Williams, looking down, he took notice of the absence of blood anywhere near - for the time being he reminded himself - and that his fingertips was clean or well at least they looked like it.

After following the lieutenant into the small space he took notice of how his left leg seems to have gotten worst since last time, he didn't have time to think about it when the higher rankings man rasped out a cough and started speaking “ welcome back CPL. Barnes it's good to know that you've made it “ , despite the warm words the tone that was carrying them was not delivering the sane warmth, it was empty and monotoned like he just said those same words over and over until they lost the soul within them now only syllables rolling off onto the air.

“ S’good t’be back lieutenant but we both know y’aint bringing be here for all’at so get to it “ I ain't in no mood for formalities he thought but kept the last bit reserved in his mind , the older gave him a side eye from where he stood looking almost reliefed to get to the point, “ well aren't ya in a hurry , and here I was thinking you'd be happy to hear what I have for ya “ he spoke finally looking at him in the eyes before taking a seat the chair screeching lightly under his weight with how old it was .

“ the last time you ‘ had something for me ‘ -” he mimicked his tone not thinking it through earning a stern look before muttering an apology and continuing”- ya had me shipped off to a hell-made-hole almost freezing alongside my men, I feel i shouldn't be all'at optimistic with ya “ he finished and the cold started creeping up on him again, like the mere mention of it was enough to summon the winter.

“ nah don't you worry , it ain't an order I just thought ya’d like to know that you got promoted, congrats Sergeant “ well- that took a turn and not the one I was expecting he thought and although it was a ‘ promotion ‘ he felt the heaviness of the syllables tug at his shoulders but he smiled nonetheless “ well I sure wasn’t expecting that “ he spoke his forehead wrinkling with the rise of his eyebrows.

He ran, sprinted, head first from that tent into his own ,he needed to write to her , short tempered because that could have waited, lunching himself onto his seat he fished his pocket for what was sitting heavily in it since he got it , for what tugged at the strings of his heart with every second calling him oh so desperately.

He carefully unfolded the pages , he can't afford even a mere fold in his darling's very own dear words , the words that kept him from losing his sanity ever since he got drafted into this hell of a war

My dearest, james

I hope this letter finds you well and warm, it's been a while since I received anything from you so if you haven't lost your hands yet I better not find my mail box empty.

It's been really hectic here jamie, bonnie got a telegram a few days ago regarding the death of Daniel, sweet soft Daniel oh how cruel it was to watch it all down on her , so please for my sanity come back to me because I don't know what I'd do with myself if you didn't .

how's it been going? You back yet oh I hope you are, I hope you are nothing but warm and safe I really do , I know I can't keep the nightmares away , I'm no medic either so all I can do is sit and hope and pray for this big act of horror and terror to end so could finally come to me , to your ma , to your home.

I'd make you the warmest meals , hold you close and never let you go unless you are so sick of me , I'd bring you all the sweets that you love from mrs. Ann 's bakery, everything you my heart will ask for I'd kiss the pain awwy and stand guardian of your dreams at night but until then I'm sitting playing your laugh like a broken record so I'd never forget it , so I'd never forget you .

Not that I'd be able to even if I tried

Tell me more about it there, your fears, your nightmares and demons, I want to share your pain buck , your pain is my pain ever since you took your heart with you to the front lines and laid it vulnerable because that'd be the only explanation to my heartache.

I'm writing to you sitting on nails and daggers until I hear from you , Can't get my mind to do anything else, Can't worry or care about anything except you , so please once you can once you're safe write to me james write and make it long so long it's enough until the next one because getting enough of you was never and never will be something that I can manage to do .

Yours, truly and utterly yours

Y/n

He felt warm, the winter is no longer there and it's spring now , it's the only way there could be butterflies and he felt them all too well, he grabbed his pen Can't leave the pretty dame all worried now can we ?

My dearest, y/n

how much I'm wishing to hold ya right now, to melt your beautiful body with mine and to tangle our desperate souls with each other you can't even imagine sweetheart it's all that I think about everything pretty here is you and you are everything pretty.

I'm sorry I couldn't write to ya sooner it's been shitty awful and once I got back I got called into the lieutenant office, nothing that pretty head of yours needs to worry about ya officially are the girl of a sergeant

Sergeant Barner's got a ring , I'm still not planning on telling ya about the stuff in here - the bad ones at least which is the most of it - and I still want ya away from those terror speaking radios only music and laughing and everything good should get to those ears of your , and I don't want you biting those nails

I'm sorry about Daniel and bonnie , things like that really stop my heart love because what if it was me ? I don't want to leave knowing I would hurt you, that's your plan eh? To make me determined to come back to ya , well i gotta tell ya you don't need one sweetheart, I'm coming back and hearing your stop-all-of-the-wars laughter

Are you laughing enough doll? Are ya smiling the same way that I left ya to be? I hope to god you are because I can deal with nightmares and bombs and death but not with a world without your smile or laugh, you gotta guard your happiness sweetheart, for me, and don't let this war steal it or why the hell am I fighting for ?

How about food ? Ya eating well? And pancakes don't count sugar, please eat well I'm dying here not being able to check up on ya , to protect ya from All the guys I know were waiting for my departure to sneak up on ya n try n snatch ya , i know there's a lot cause I got the prettiest dame in Brooklyn, hell in the whole of New York.

Give em the cold shoulder sweets , be rude and bitchy - sorry but yeah give to em , men sometimes don't understand "no" steve got into enough fights about that for me to be burning here , speaking of the little rascal gemme a realistic check up on em please and give ma and Becca my dearest regards, keep each other save while I can't please.

I can't fit everything that I have to say to ya in a million letters but this 's all I can do for now , but don't hold back on me my darlin not one bit , send me anything 'n everything ya got happening there I'll be waiting for ya ' on needles n daggers ' .

yours faithfully sergeant James Barnes

Hey, it's my first time writing something I wrote it in a hurry so there might be a few mistakes here n there also english isn't my first language, feel free to point out any mistakes and tell me if you'd like for me to write more of this

( also someone teach me how to tag )

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #40's bucky #bucky x reader #bucky angst #bucky fluff #james bucky buchanan barnes #james barnes x reader #marvel #captain america #fluff #angst #letters #ww2 #soldier bucky #winter soldier #sebastian stan #Spotify

[felixsramen]

can I request an Ateez x reader Smut/angst

Mingi doing his dance live when y/n visits him. Turns off live immediately to do somethin’ 👀 spicyyy

Why am I in love with this idea.

It annoyed you. You hated the thought of millions of people watching your boyfriend dance on live. You had asked Mingi one day to show you his dance moves off. You loved his performances on stage so you had asked to see something freestyled but he had denied you. He was too embarrassed to show you in case he'd mess up and he definitely didn't want to mess up in front of the love of his life. He definitely didn't want to tell you that either afraid you'd laugh at him.

Yet here in the studio where he thought he was alone you were staring at him from the door watching him dance to sicko mode. He had gone off in his own little world freestyling. You had been here watching him since he had danced to dessert by Dawin.

You weren't mad at him but more upset that your boyfriend didn't want to show you his freestyle dancing but would do it to millions of people. It had been almost 2 months since that conversation and you knew your boyfriend wasn't good at remembering things so you didn't hold it against him.

Watching him right now though kind of broke your heart considering he'd refused you and now seemed comfortable dancing and in the zone. It didn't help you were incredibly turned on either. You open the door quietly and Mingis eyes meet yours for a split second before he's back into the song.

You doubted anyone would've noticed the glance over he did. You walked off behind the camera watching your boyfriend. Mingis eyes might look as if they were looking on the camera but they were watching you.

Mingis eyes couldn't help but look over your form. Your outfit really complimented your body. It didn't help he hadn't already had sex with you in almost a month because of the new upcoming album. You could literally be wearing a long sleeve shirt with pants right now and Mingi would still think you were trying to get him to fuck you right then and there.

You don't realize how long you've been thinking about how jealous you were because shoong was coming to an end. Mingi was relieved he needed to fuck you right then and there. He couldn't wait another day. He waved and hurried as quickly as he could to the phone without the audience thinking something was up.

He clicked the button and before you know it Mingi already has his hands on your hips. "What are you doing here and why are you wearing that?" Mingi says sighing.

"I missed you. You've been so busy with promotions." You say Mingi slowly starting to grind into you. It had been almost a month since he fucked you.

You put a hand on his chest pushing him off. Mingi looks at you confused. "So you won't dance in front of me but then go live in front of millions?" You ask him and Mingi sighs bringing you against him again.

"You don't understand love." He says and you try to move out of his grip again.

"I think I do. You tell me one minute you don't want to dance with me and then now you want to dance in front of millions?" You say and he holds you against him.

"This is going to sound stupid but I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of you. Do you know how embarrassing it is if I messed up in front of the person I want to impress the most?" He says looking away from you admitting how stupid it sounded when even said out loud.

You felt slightly stupid now being jealous of people watching your boyfriend when he really just wanted to not embarrass himself in front of you.

"Baby I'd never make fun of you for messing up or anything like that. You should know that by now." You say and he sighs finally looking at you. You were right. You never made Mingi feel less when he messed up on anything.

"You're right love. Now can we get back to what we were doing before you tried pushing me away." He asks you and he smirks again.

You roll your eyes but nod. Mingi kisses your neck. He knew that was weak spot. Your knees almost giving in. You know he enjoys it his hands going to your waist. He sighs as he brings you in closer to him. He needed you to feel him.

Your hands go to his short blonde hair pulling on it making him moan softly against your neck. "Mingi. Fuck me please." You say melting at the way he starts leaving hickies across your neck.

He pulls away when he's satisfied and smirks at you. "All desperate and I haven't even done much." He says and his fingers find your loops on your pants pulling them down. He pulls down your underwear. His finger slides over your entrance and he smirks at you.

"I haven't even fucked you yet and you're soaking." He says finger prodding your entrance but never fully going in. You whine hoping it'll get him to move. Instead his other hand holds you in place.

"You're mine. I'm yours." He says reminding you and with that he pushes a finger inside you.

You moan out his name. "I don't care how many orgasms it takes to get it through to you. I only want you." He says his mouth back on your neck as he pushes another finger inside. You whined out Mingis name as he continued fucking you with his fingers.

He sucks on your neck once again. You think you might've fallen if Mingi wasn't holding you up with his other hand.

Your high was fast and approaching and Mingi knew that. Mingi knew everything about your body. Yet he still fucked you on his fingers. Before you know it your orgasm washes over you.

Your eyes roll back and you go limp in Mingis hold. You definitely would've fallen to the ground if it wasn't for Mingi. As you come down from your high you realize Mingi is still fucking you on his fingers.

He pulls away when you whine. "That's all you have in you love? I think I can get one more out of you." Mingi says and you hear him unzipping his pants.

"You can take one more. Especially since I want to make it up to you." He says pushing into you.

#ateez smut #atz smut #ateez mingi smut

[lost-walmartbag]

It's been a minute

Honestly, I take more hiatuses than I do showers at this point. I know it gets annoying I'm really sorry. I know I say that all the time at this point I know some of you aren't expecting another chapter until next year because of my lack of consistency. I wanna fill you guys in.

Why do I keep disappearing?

Life is hard. I don't know if you guys know this but I am in school currently. I'm a college student and I'm double majoring. That basically means double the work. Not only that but I also work. This is my second year of college and is way harder than my last year which if you don't know is when I started posting my stories. I know a lot of other amazing authors on here probably have more hectic schedules than I do and are still posting. I just can't do that. Sometimes I get a 10-page paper assigned and I can't split my time between writing that paper and writing my silly little stories. I wish I could give you guys a heads-up when I won't be posting for a while but realistically that would mean sending out an announcement every week. So yeah, that's why I keep suddenly vanishing.

Where was I this time?

Like I said, life is HARD. Recently I moved. It wasn't a big move but it took a lot out of me and I've been having a few issues with that. Not only that but got a bit of a promotion of sorts and have a lot more work because of it. Also, I love writing. Honestly, I've been doing it since I was a kid. I used to write like my life depended on it. Last year, in April I had this overwhelming urge to write and that's why I even started posting on here to begin with. Fun fact- I've had this blog for 7 years now but didn't start posting until this last year. I didn't have an urge like that in a while. Usually, when I wanted to writ I'd just do it in my notes app which is why when I first started I was pumping out stories left and right, I already had those stories written.

I haven't written ahead in months which is why my post come out so slowly. Recently I've been doing a lot of writing for school and that kinda made me sick of writing. I wasn't going home after writing 10-page essays on history I don't care about then going to work and helping a bunch of other people write essays they don't care about and then coming home and saying 'Ya know what I could really go for?' And that's not to say I don't love writing what I post here. I love my work and I even love the essays I write for school. I LOVE WRITING. I'm not the best at it so I'm really slow when I write just so I can make sure it's good enough to grace ya'lls eyes.

I also have other hobbies. I crochet and I read. I love reading- I know guess what I'm majoring in. And I think reading makes me a better writer, I get ideas, I learn things, I see different writing styles and tips. So I see reading as a necessary part of my writing process. I do it so much I was thinking about making a book review blog but made one post, doubted myself, and deleted the whole thing. I also crochet and I have been for around 2 years now. But I still consider myself a beginner. I'm not that good at it but I like doing it and it's a nice distraction from the world, maybe one day I'll share it with you all.

But yeah life has been crazy lately and sometimes writing my stories makes me go crazy. But that doesn't mean I don't love doing it. I love it and I want to keep doing it.

What's next?

I get a break from school and work in May. So I'll have a lot more time which means more time for writing. Yay! I do want to write more. I miss this. I miss putting stories out there and you guys showing and telling me how much you like it. I say it a lot so it sounds cheesy but it truly means the world to me. That's why I want you guys to comment because I love reading them.

But yeah. I want to keep writing. Also, I AM working on requests. Again I'm slow. I'm sorry. It's gonna take a minute but they will come out. BUT what I wanted to say is that. I made a ko-fi.

My Ko-fi is mostly for you guys to make requests. I think I have it for 5 dollars right now but my work is not worth that so I will be lowering it. If you do make a request there I do promise I will finish your request in a week unless there is a big reason I can't. But you of course don't have to pay me to make your requests. If you make a request on here- for free, you will still get your request done maybe even pretty fast sometimes, it's just gonna take me a bit longer most of the time. I also wanted to do something fun. So if you make a request on Ko-fi, name an animal, When I finish your request I'll also post a picture of the animal you listed and name it after you. It will be a part of my room forever. But of course, you don't have to. I still love you more than words can describe.

Also, I want to do more than SP fics. So I'm starting a new blog where I'm going to be doing Hazbin hotel fics at some point in the future. ( @locally-sourcedapple ) So if you're a fan of HH go follow my new blog and even send in a request if you want!

One more thing

I love you guys. It really means a lot, knowing people are out there who love my work and are even waiting for the next upload actually means more than I can express. I hope you guys stay with me because I wouldn't keep doing this without your support. I hope I cleared some stuff up and are excited for my content moving forward 🩷

#lost walmartbag #kayisanaddict #kay rambles

[starlightshore]

Thanks for the Measured Response™. Unfortunately the character limit doesn't allow for much nuance in asks. My issue isn't so much with the character's actions as the way their conflict is framed. It always feels like we're supposed to judge Asriel way harsher - for ghosting the person responsible for their trauma - than Chara, who is actively trying to hurt them. I know you don't want to trivialize abuse, but the story still botches the subject pretty badly. Still, good luck with the rewrite.

(sighs) please anon, while I do appreciate the effort to acknowledge the lack of nuance in the previous ask, I would much rather you approach me more reasonably. I don't appreciate you coming to me, a complete stranger to both of us, with this attitude of already guilty. can you please learn to talk to people more reasonably? like, I'm living my life out here and you come and accuse me in a really rude way of promoting abuse or whatever the far-fetched conclusion that ask could come across as.

I am more than happy to accept fault over my writing and do my best to improve, but I want to do so on friendly, acceptable terms. please withhold condemnation and explain how and why you feel the story was mishandled. You do so really nicely in the second ask and I appreciate that.

Ultimately, regardless of my intent, my story didn't convey the message and that's, at the very least, mostly my fault. I can try to explain why I'd argue I didn't fuck up as badly as you paint me as, but I will accept that the story I wrote was not emotionally paced well made it weigh more towards cruelty without the hope and understanding I wanted the story to be read as.

I want to stress that I take abuse deadly seriously. I'm a victim of emotional abuse myself and this is something I am desperate to portray in all of its ugly, dirty detail and I want to do it without hurting people. I obviously failed when I first wrote this and I want to say thank you for coming to me about it, even if I feel there is still some friction here I want to express that gratitude. But also please be aware of how you approach people. (referring to the OG ask here).

Anyway

i wanna defend myself here a little and say I think you're missing the bigger picture of the framing of that scene. I feel you forgot the context of that scene and where it's placed in the story. It's this post.

Previously, that entire chapter had Chara idolizing the Asriel they knew as a child. Their timetravel ability being removed meant they longed for that power to control the narrative and live in the past. its like, metaphorical shit for how when growing up its hard to move on from the past and accept that you're aging.

That scene was the point where Chara realized that Asriel wasn't perfect -and has never been. The story is framed by Chara's POV exclusively and navigates Chara's feelings about their separation from Asriel. The "abuse" of that scene is the feeling of an older sibling telling them to "fuck off" and "stop acting like a victim" which are like... like devoid of the context of Asriel's perspective (which we didn't have at this point in the story) is a very hurtful and emotionally damaging thing to say to someone. I can see how someone reading that, who could have been through a similar situation, would react very badly to seeing that in the comic. Thus the content warning. I honestly don't know if "abuse" is the right word here, but what is someone going to have blacklisted for this? Like I said, my goal is to avoid hurting so I'm not going to not tag it. It's an issue of vocabulary vs. accessibility. I still wouldn't know what to tag this tbh.

the overall narrative of the comic is that Chara's perspective of Asriel was holding themself back. they were wallowing over a perfect picture that never existed -which reflected how they hate themselves for not living up to the perfect angelic ideal that they obviously could never have lived up to.

Chara condemning Asriel for being Flowey and being a jerk is the first step towards chara acknowledging their own blame in the equation. pretending the problem doesn't exist and that you're inherently awful doesn't fix things. Immediately after tossing out Flowey, they realize they are a flower as well. (literally becoming the thing they just condemned Asriel)

Once The two reconcile with the help of Actual Adults in the situation, the story changes POV to Asriel. It's then we're given context to Asriel's perspective and to show, that yeah, both of them Suck as people. That both are capable of majorly fucking up. And that's because the tools they're given a life of trauma and being reborn into a world that doesn't understand your damage is in itself traumatizing.

so idk man. the framework here serves a purpose and while I plan on showing a more nuanced and balanced pace -I really need to show the characters having more things going on than their larger conflict + be happier with each other. (the problem with writing for an askblog is that its very reactive and its easier to lean into tension and relationship drama than focus on the lighter but necessary moments. I know for sure the redraw will be better at this)

But yeah the framework, as it stands, feels good to me. Maybe in the details of how it's shown I'll be able to handle the nuances more gracefully but with the larger goal in mind, I'm not sure how I can change that? I would really love to hear your thoughts on that.

#personal stuff #sams replies #uhhh man irony about a post discussing tagging but do i tag this as #negative #because there's some harsh criticism and feelings in here on both ends so #idk really #i gotta say idk how i feel about tumblr being the method we discuss this as honestly i feel this kinda conversation would be better suited #in DMS. because I don't want this to be a public topic because its very clearly a personal one for both us #i DON'T like discussing abuse so casually... its honestly a painful topic. in the abstract like this its not too bad but its defs not ideal #i'll grant you the need for anonymity tho so i don't mind but i'd prefer we talked privately somehow? eugh. hate writing long posts #i hate how i feel like i gotta word vomit to get my point across without being misunderstood its the woooorst #long post

[kanmom51]

Letter to troll

*Disclaimer: this is an angry rant written by a feverish covid patient. Saying that, me being sick while writing this does not mean I do not mean every single word I wrote.  It could only mean I might have missed something on the way.

To @PJM12023 (from here on to be called "dear troll") who might or might not see this cause you deactivated the account a mere second after you left a couple of comments on Jikook posts and sent me a stupid super ignorant and highly uninformed (or more so willfully so, I'd say):

Do you think I'm an idiot?

I think that's actually rhetorical question, seeing you did send me the ask, so the answer to that would probably be yes.

So as you probably think I'm stupid I'm here to inform you that I'm not.

I am not going to post your ask.

I am not going to hand you my platform on a platter for you to spew your lies and misinformation.

You are unwelcome here. So go find your be with your kind, I’m sure you’ll enjoy samlove608′s content so much more than mine.  And you know, it’s your choice, up to you, so I’m asking you ever so nicely to fuck off from here.  You are kind of lucky you deactivated cause I was planning to block your ass, but then, you know I would, so preemptive deactivation much?

I do just have to say one thing. It's itching at the tips of my fingers hitting this keyboard. I can't keep myself from not saying it, even if you might not even see this. 

But fuck, LV had little to no Jikook? What world are you living in? I'd guess the world of TKK edited TikTok or YT. The world of samlove608. I guess someone like that is your source for information when you make a statement like:

"If you think that jikook in the same frame is a "moment", well...bad news for you, that's not a moment. They're in the same group, of course they can stand next to each other on stage, during a song."

Me while copy pasting your load of bull crap.

I guess someone hasn't been watching original content dear troll.

I also guess someone has had zero access to social media during BTS's stay in LV. No, wait. I assure you, dear troll, you were allowed special access to the TKK 'moments', as little as they were (yes, me rubbing in the salt, cause I'm fucking sick of the lot of you trolls), but only said content, any JM in the frame deleted on the spot.

Yeah, not a moment, right?

You are right though. 

WTF?

I admitted you are right?

Oh, how different we are dear troll...

But let me be clear as a sunny day.  When I say I agree with you it’s on this:

Not every time members happen to stand by each other can be called a moment.

Oh so true.

I’ll give you your comment and raise you one.

We are the first to say that not every interaction or ‘moment’ is an indication that “they are boyfies”.  

But 

A member saying "Love you" to another member on stage between songs, well, that's a moment. 

And guess what else...

A member squeezing another member's ass, what to do, is definitely considered a moment.

A member knowing the smallest incidental information about another member’s grandmother is considered something, if not a moment.

Another member putting his foot in his mouth saying that while JM is walking around naked at home JK is the one in charge of the playlist, that is definitley something.

Two members choosing to spend their spare time together, not for promotions, not for the cameras, but while off camera, that is something.

I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on.  

Literally.

So for you, dear troll, here's a masterlist with a shit ton of content, original content, unedited content from LV. Go read it. Go watch it.

I won't say that later you will come here and admit you were wrong. I'm not that naive. 

But then, I can always hope.

In any case, I’m writing this here once again, even though I’ve repeated this at the very least 1000 times, and even though I know that for you it’s like talking deaf ears, but there are others that will listen:

WATCH ORIGINAL CONTENT.

And if you watch edited content know it’s edited, many times manipulated into a short clip to show a point, at times twisting the whole interaction into something it never was.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU BELIEVE.

WATCH THE MEMBERS.  LISTEN TO THEM.

APPLY CRITICAL THINKING.

Ask yourself:  Is a post saying “a friend of a friend of the instructor from the ski resort told me...” something you can rely on?  

Or, when the story keeps changing, evolving as time goes by, can that ‘story’ be perceived as truthful?  

Or, when you have content you can actually see and a whole unsubstantiated story built behind it, is that story reliable?

Rule of thumb: Just don’t believe everything you read.  Someone taking the time to put it into writing doesn’t make it truthful.

There’s more, I know there’s more.  My covid fogged mind just can’t think of the rest right now on the one hand, and on the other my fever and anger are ‘forcing’ me to post right now.  It is what it is, lol.

In any case, to all you dear trolls out there:

Don’t expect coming here to my blog and me posting your shit asks.  I don’t have to prove anything to you, not to mention you have zero interest in hearing what I have to say.  All you want is this platform to spread your shit.  You ain’t gonna get it here.

Well, that’s my rant coming to an end.

Maybe we made some lemonade out of a very sour troll ask, who knows.

#my message to the trolls #watch original content #listen to the members #stay away from my blog

[maybebecomingms]

a dangerous existence

January 3rd, 2024

"I saw her and I said to myself, 'she's a loaded gun.' Tempting, but can destroy your whole life in a second."

He wasn't talking about a seductive woman approaching him at the bar (though they tell stories like that, too). He was talking about a young college student running near campus. They didn't interact. He was driving.

He also wasn't someone I knew well to be talking so openly about his urges and threats to his marriage. He and his wife were the small group leaders, and it was my first or second visit to their home to check it out.

I was 23 at the time - not too far removed from college myself - and had somehow just lost 40 pounds. If there was ever a time in my life when I was "hot," it was then.

Is this directed at me? Am I the loaded gun? Does this mean I should stop coming here?

I didn't flirt with him. I didn't have bad intentions. I just wanted to get to know some new people. I don't think I kept going to the group for long, but I did hit it off really well with his wife - in fact, I still do. I would still go to their house regularly for our "book club" of two and hope I didn't see him. I always felt dirty and guilty after that.

But this type of thing didn't throw me off enough to walk away, because I'd heard it so many times before. Men were always telling stories like this from the pulpit - having to avert their gaze and avoid attractive women to protect their wives and families. Sometimes, their stories were about loose and wild women throwing themselves at them, seemingly not caring that they were married. Other times, the story was about refusing to acknowledge an attractive woman even when she was being completely respectful, because you never knew when she'd turn on you and lie to your wife about you behaving badly.

It definitely always struck me as odd, though. I've encountered attractive men while in a committed relationship plenty of times and... it was not life changing? I've never felt powerless against an overwhelming urge to blow up my entire life because a good-looking man exists and I saw him. I wouldn't even say I felt that way after talking to one.

But we were told that women and men were fundamentally different, and I never thought much about it til now, really. That kind of messaging really fucks with you as you're entering adulthood within a feminine form. If I go for a run and you see me out in the world running, I'm an imminent threat to your wife and family? And I don't even KNOW you? That's a huge and impossible responsibility, not to mention a massive threat to my safety.

Several years ago, I befriended a colleague I worked with frequently. We're still friends, though we don't interact through work anymore. One year, he invited me to his beautiful, sprawling home in the country around Christmastime. He and his husband go all out, with multiple decorated trees and carefully arranged lights inside and out. They wanted to show off their efforts. We had the best time drinking wine and laughing. We hugged and said "I love you" when it was time for me to go home.

For many years, I could not figure this out. Why would gay men want to spend time with me? They're obviously not sexually attracted to me, so what could I possibly have to offer? Because of the messaging I got from the church about how simultaneously vulnerable and out of control men are, I really thought that I had no value whatsoever beyond being sexualized. Isn't that sad?

For how much churches claim to promote sexual purity, they sure do know how to make you feel dirty and disgusting for merely existing.

#exvangelical #ex christian #spiritual abuse #purity culture #misogny

[pokemonruby]

hi! realize it's been a while since i've been like, active on social media so i thought i'd provide a little update of my life situation.

first things first, i finished my book! it's undergoing its final edits (i'd theoretically like to look for an editor but i definitely cannot afford that shit, so i've more or less undertaken that task myself and i don't know if my opinion alone is reliable enough but you know, i'm doing my best with what i've got) i'm even working on the second one in the series now since i don't have much to do until i figure out how to go about like, actually advertising and publishing it. i've been recommended booktok so i guess i need to do my research and just pray people will be interested even if i can't afford to get pretty visuals for it or anything commissioned because, ah. severely poor. i haven't had anything to eat in my house for like 2 weeks and i am subsisting on the barest of scraps but we're surviving regardless.

on a more serious note i'm really working on moving out of here this year because if i mentally cannot take it anymore, i don't feel safe at all in my house (if you know the lore already, highly abusive, neglected family. and i'm severely disabled and mentally ill because of the abuse, unsurprisingly) and i'm trying to look at any and all resources that can maybe expedite the process given that a "normal" job is out of the question at this moment in time so if anyone has any suggestions or just plain old advice this is me imploring you because my therapist and i keep hitting walls and i am on the cusp of going completely insane.

i'm going to see about setting up a ko-fi to take writing-related commissions maybe since it's the only thing i'm realistically good at and perhaps a patreon to promote my own works so if anyone is interested i will provide links once i get all the technicalities sorted out.

i will continue to grit my teeth and weather the agony that is my every waking moment on this hell earth because there is a strong possibility volo will be leaked for pokemon masters next week and if i must only live for my disgusting failwife it is sorely better than nothing. please pray for me everyone.

#tldr not much has changed but i am more determined than ever. mainly because i'm under severe pressure since my circumstances are worsening. #doing my absolute fucking best to hang in there because i really don't want my nihilistic ass to get the better of me. #good things HAVE to come. they have no choice but to. #riley rambles

[earlgreytea68]

okay so i have fallen headfirst back into fob w smfs and having that album drop coinciding w finally being in a place where I can just! buy tickets!! and see them on tour!! And i did and it was AMAZING

part of falling back into this has been lurking on fob/peterick blogs again the way I did back in HS, and yours brings me so much joy! what a lovely community you’ve cultivated here, and i adore your fics sm as well—I’m systematically working my way through each one

so a lot of love your way <3 i do need a bit of a second opinion though—I’ve been working myself up over trying to figure out if I can see them again while they’re touring for smfs. There’s a part of me that worries that this might be the last album—the same part that was the most upset when they were touring for MANIA and i couldn’t make that show. SO i would love to hear if you’ve got any thoughts re whether my fears hold any water—or if you think I should chill out, enjoy the ride of keeping up w this tour, and be secure in the fact that our boys aren’t going anywhere any time soon

Hello! First of all, yay, welcome back, and thank you so much for all of your kind words!

I know that there were a ton of rumors this was going to be their last album and they were going to call it quits after this, but having heard the album and watched them promote it and then seeing this tour they're putting on...it seems so unlikely to me???? They just don't act like a band who's done, who doesn't have anything more to say. Like, when Patrick talks about Fall Out Boy he's so very clear that it's, like, necessary for him to have, that it's the art and creativity that he does because of how much he loves it, not a job, and it would seem weird for him to talk that way, so vocally, if there was any inkling in his head that this would be the last time he would have it, you know?

And Pete has been the less vocal one this cycle, and we know he was the one who was reluctant to do another album and undertake another tour, but he has seldom seen so genuinely happy as he has during this tour, he seems to be loving every second of it.

And Joe came back and also seems delighted to be back.

Idk, I do not get the feeling of a band with any intention of winding down. They feel completely reinvigorated and reinspired and ready to go. It would not at all surprise me if they're already writing the next one, we know Patrick and Pete like to write while on tour. And I think they've really enjoyed being out of contract and having total control back, I really think it has opened up the horizons of what they want to and can do. Plus their fanbase has turned out for them loyally and so I don't think they are getting any kind of message that they're not wanted or needed anymore.

So Idk, I think in my heart of hearts there will be another album and another tour eventually someday.

All of that said, there will probably be people who will disagree with this life advice, and please always do what's best for you and your financial situation and life situation, but also: life is short, and uncertain. I didn't get into Fall Out Boy until the Mania tour was just wrapping up, and they announced they were going to play a random festival in Cincinnati and I agonized over going and finally decided to do it and I have to be frank, that weekend in Cincinnati was one of the best weekends of my life, I think about all the time how wonderful it was, the show was incredible, and it was the last concert I saw before the pandemic hit and I spent all of that time just being so incredibly grateful that I'd gone to that Cincinnati concert because otherwise I would have regretted it forever.

If you are in the incredibly lucky and privileged position to be able to afford to do something that you really want to do, and doing so will not bankrupt you or send you into a debt crisis or harm previous commitments you need to keep or, etc., etc., like, if the only argument you can come up with against doing something is "Idk, would this be ridiculous????," Idk, I think I'd err on the side of doing the thing. That's not just advice for Fall Out Boy concerts. You get to do this life thing once, and it goes by so much faster than you can possibly anticipate. If something's going to bring you joy, that's pretty precious. Take it where you can get it.

#dubious life advice #take with a grain of salt #fall out boy #fob #bandom #tourdust

[theaawalker]

His Little Lamb [ HARRY OSBORN ]

chapter II. friends

Pairing: Harry Osborn x Demetra Jones Series: 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 Song Inspo: Perfect by One Direction Word Count: 1,001 Summary: Demetria Jones is your classic model citizen. Smart, helpful, organized, sophisticated, and above all innocent. But that changes when she gets a new boss, Harry Osborn. She's not looking for trouble, but that might be what she's in for. Unless, maybe, she can change Harry... that is, if he doesn't change her first. Warnings: mentions of workplace abuse, forced proximity Masterlist: see fandoms (pc-friendly)

I did as Harry... I mean... Mr. Osborn requested and documented every file on the list. I hadn't seen him since his departure at the board meeting yesterday. Nevertheless, I wanted to make sure I actually did my job. So I stopped by his office and dropped off said paperwork. Much to my annoyance, he wasn't in there. It was his second day as CEO of OsCorp and he hadn't even bothered to show up.

        This was gonna be a long day.

        I marched out of his office to the elevators and began to dial Menken. He was in charge whenever Norman was gone, which usually meant an occurrence of verbal harassment for me. I knew with Harry's absence I couldn't get any work done because I had no further orders. I considered following my usual orders, but those existed under Norman Osborn's authority. Now that his son was in charge, I had no sense of direction. Which was ironically proven when I then bumped into one of the elevator doors.

        I pushed the bottom button and put the phone to my ear. As I waited for the doors to open, I listened to my phone ring before going to voicemail. So I hung up and proceeded to dial again as the doors finally opened and I boarded. Once again it rang and there was no answer. I groaned, removing the phone from my ear. Then suddenly...

        "Hi again!" Said a voice from behind me, making me jump. I covered my mouth mid-scream and quickly spun around to see the source. Low and behold, it was Harry Osborn. "I'm sorry." We both apologized.

        "I didn't mean to scare you." He spoke first, extending his hand to me worrisomely.

        "No, no. It's fine." I gasped as I clutched my heart. "My fault. I didn't see you."

        He watched me catch my breath, his eyes a sparkly turquoise from the luminous rooms behind the elevator glass. "I'm... I'm Harry Osborn." He introduced himself, putting a hand on his chest. 

        "Yeah, I know who you are." I cleared my throat, my voice now professional. "I was in the board meeting."

        "That's right, you were the one I promoted." Harry beamed as he recalled the memory.

        I chuckled. "Oh, yeah. Like you were serious." I waved him off.

        "Actually, yes." He stated rather authentically. I stared at his face and sure enough it read seriousness. And here I was trying to get ahold of Menken because I thought he was still my superior. Harry must've seen the shock in my face because he began to smirk. I suppose he was amused by the impact of his own power.

        "What's your name again?" He asked, nodding to me.

        "Demetria. Demetria Jones." I lifted my head as I reintroduced myself.

        "Demetria..." My name flew out of his mouth with an unnecessary softness. Harry tilted his head and bit his lower lip, still smirking. I gulped as I stared at its pinkness under his teeth, not sure what else to do. "Tell me, Demetria." He continued. "What's a little lamb like you doing in a wolf den like OsCorp."

        I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated by the question. But.. did he seriously just call me a 'little lamb'?

        "Uhhh, well, for one, I enjoy my work here. I was a huge fan of your father's. I can appreciate a business that's working to make the world a better place. And, uh, I good salary never hurt anyone." I joked, shrugging.

        Harry just stood there and listened, not uttering a word. And once I was done, he nodded. "So you were a fan of my father? Well, that makes one of us." I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, so I didn't say anything. For a moment, both of us were silent.

        Then Harry leaned off the wall and stepped towards me. We were now standing face-to-face a foot apart. He wasn't that much taller than me, perhaps an inch or two. However, height-wise our eyes actually aligned perfectly. That being said, I still felt his presence hovering over me. "Since I'm your boss now, we should keep in contact." He gestured to my phone.

        I could feel his warm breath on me as he spoke, and I wondered if he could feel mine. "Um, sure." I responded before punching in his number as he recited it to me. Once he was done, I hit save to make it official.

        "I look forward to working you, Demetria." Harry said, making my fingers freeze. I gazed away from my screen and looked at him. I wasn't sure if he had gotten closer, but it certainly felt like he did. He wore a blank expression with his mouth hanging slightly agape. His marble eyes stared into mine, and mine into his. Neither one of us said anything, which was strangely comforting. We stayed like that for what seemed like awhile.

        Suddenly, the elevator dinged and the doors opened, making us break eye contact. In an instant, what was once comfortable had now become awkward. We exchanged embarrassed glances as Harry slowly backed up and I gathered myself to leave. "Nice seeing you, Mr. Osborn." I gave an awkward smile and stepped out.

        "Call me Harry." He raised an eyebrow, smirking suggestively. "We're friends now, aren't we?" 

        Then, as if on cue, the doors closed, leaving me completely stunned and confused. I wasn't quite sure of what had just happened, but I didn't have time to process it because my phone started to ring. Without reading the ID, thoughtlessly I answered it. 

        "Hello? Who is this?" Menken huffed into the phone.

        "...Demetria Jones," I replied, my eyes glued to the elevator.

        "Oh." He groaned before pausing. "...Well, what do you want?"

        With a big smile and a bolt of realization, I told him exactly what I wanted. "Kiss my *ss!"

• ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ •

If you enjoyed this imagine :

follow me 🫂 like 👍 comment 🗨 repost 🔄

If you have an imagine request :

ask❓️AND tip 🪙

#tasm harry osborn #harry osborn x reader #harry osborn imagine #harry osborn fanfic #harry osborn #dane dehaan #tasm peter parker #tasm peter #tasm #tasm 2 #andrew garfield #the amazing spiderman 2 #the amazing spider man #harry osborn smut #gwen stacy #emma stone #tom holland peter parker #tom holland #marvel imagine #marvel oneshot #marvel one shot #marvel smut #marvel series #marvel mcu #mcu #mcu fanfiction

[tastylemonbread]

body horror and erotic writing under cut. also its long

I'd been living on my own for seven months. When I'd left my old job, my boyfriend split to find someone who could stand on her own two legs. I had to move, sell some old things to keep myself afloat. This new place was nice but it felt like a prison. I think I could hear water splashing around inside the walls when it rained. I was on the second floor of a block of apartments in the siren song part of town, right next to the highway. Rain would soak the concrete of the hall outside my place.

Thunder strikes and takes out my power for a minute or so. Before I can find a battery powered lantern, the lights come back on and someone is knocking at my door. Through the peephole I see who it is... she looks better than when I had last seen her. I crack the door open and ask what she's doing here. "Just wanted to see how you were, I was just in the area," that velvet voice, like honey down my ears I thought I would never hear again. I lie to her that things have been good, and offer her to come in to recover from the rain. She shook her umbrella to relieve it of some rain and placed it beside the door. As she steps into the light of my home, her raincoat seems to glow. She looks plainly angelic.

She slips off the coat and speaks again, "I've heard murmmers of what you've been up to," she takes off her boots and sits upright in a recliner by the couch. I sink into the couch and she gives me a smile warmer than sun, "I'm sorry to hear about your partner, and your having to move. I had always worried about you, but you seem to have things handled nicely now." She puts one leg over the other and leans into the armrest, placing her slim chin in her hands. "Do you have tea? Coffee?" I tell her I have a kettle stowed away somewhere in a cabinet, and I'd be happy to make some tea if she would also have some. "Lovely," she says. Lovely. Her gaze sends fire to my heart, keeping an eye contact with me that bores through to the back of my skull.

I find the kettle above the fridge and grab a couple tea bags. As I click on a burner, she makes a small commotion behind me, some sliding and thumping. "I've been promoted. Not a big bump in pay, but it comes with good benefits." The kettle breathes gently. "I can put in a good word for you, probably get you hired for some position higher than when we worked together," now she's in the kitchen with me and she leans against the counter into my field of view as I look for the right mugs. I tell her I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting any guests. She picks a mug for herself, one with a fox painted on it. "It's alright, I didn't exactly announce my visit." She pauses for a moment, looking into her empty cup before placing a teabag fully into it. "Besides, I like to see people as they are, not how they present. I realize that sounds odd."

By now the kettle is screaming. She goes to turn off the heat the same time I do, bumping me before laying her palm over the back of my hand. The stove clicks off, and she puts her other hand on my waist, turning me to face her. "You don't talk much, that's alright, you can just listen. I want you, I want you to love life, I want your life to be good. I've already convinced my supervisors, you'll have a job as long as you accept the interview." She removes her hand from my waist and pours the kettle into our cups. I don't know what to say, my guts feel like hot coals. She leans back against the counter and stares into me as she blows into her cup.

"It's rather out of the way, we'd have to take a plane... And I'd be remiss to let you go without me." She steeps her teabag, which reminds me my hands are on fire around my mug. "Let me get that for you," She sets down hers and deftly takes up mine, setting them side by side on the counter. She takes my hands in hers and looks into me. "You're burning up." I am. "Your ears are red." They are. I want to be hers.

She releases my hands and wraps her arms around me, pressing our bodies together. She moves in for a kiss and I can't think. As my eyes drift closed she keeps hers open, running her fingers through my hair. She pulls away. "Let's see your bed." I tell her we should see my bed. "Sounds lovely."

She drops me into my sheets and unbuttons my shirt, running her hands up my neck, keeping herself clothed, keeping me held down. "You're gorgeous" She tells me. I'm gorgeous. "Your skin is so soft." My skin is lovely. "I want to feel all of you." Sounds lovely. All I can do is pant, my higher brain function completely consumed by her. My peripheral vision turns to fog, all I see is her. "I want you. I want all of you," She pulls off my bra, snapping the hooks around the back and places a hand under one of my breasts. "I need all of you," she says as she pushes Her hand into me, between my ribs, molding my skin like clay, bone like plastic. It doesn't hurt. She wouldn't hurt me. "That's right, I love you.

I feel myself warp. I feel bones inside me break painlessly, lovingly. She now has two hands inside me, pulling apart my ribcage, exposing my innards to the open air. "You're beautiful," She tells me as Her smile seems to split Her face in two. I love Her. She loves me. She stares into me, She places two thumbs on my neck and pulls me apart. I love Her. She slips a hand up into my throat, and I feel Her nails scrape against me. She drags them back down me, and for just a moment I feel pain. My mind numbs again. Her clothes seem to melt into Her. She intertwines our fingers, and I feel my skin meld with Hers. A chill runs down my body. I love Her. "Give me everything." I will give Her everything. She runs a nail down my stomach, freeing more of me to Her. She opens Her mouth, and skin tears along Her middle, revealing shards of bone and ribs placed along like teeth, and I see into Her and it seems to go on for miles. She's raw, She's real. She's gorgeous.

She places an especially thin hand flat on my face and I feel Her fingers fuse with my flesh, Her bones and nails melting into my skull. My vision fades completely. She's taken my eyes, taken them into Herself. I love Her. I feel my skull soften, turn to rubber, and pull itself apart into Her. The meat of my head rubs against my brain, and everything starts to hurt, everything starts to burn with pain, searing unbearable. I don't love her. Oh my god I don't even know her, fuck, she's torturing me, she's consuming me, I had a whole life and I'm giving it to Her, and She's gorgeous. I love Her. My limbs are stick thin. She pulls me into Her, skin scraping against those jagged teeth inside Her. I'm going to become a part of Her. I'm going to give all of myself to Her, become Her. Become Her. I love Her. I love you.

#txt #art tag #writing tag #i guess i dont have any other tag that applies #wait #yuri #this too is yuri

[paperboy-pb]

Now that the prologue is done, I can't thank the fans of this series enough.

No, we haven't hit any particular follower milestone. The story has just begun. And most of you haven't given me any sort of financial support to help me out, either. (And that's alright! I haven't asked, lol.)

I'm thanking you for just being apart of the audience.

I started PB in a little blue notebook during the summer of 2015. It was originally meant for my eyes only. And a big part of the reason why was that, when I googled things like "Special Ed makes me feel bad," there wouldn't be much of anything coming up. There were Quora forums! A couple of YouTube videos. Articles here and there.

But it wasn't a lot. Not enough to help me out for long. And it only hammered the idea further into my head that I was alone in what I endured. As I got older, grew up, and away from the program and people who took my disabled youth, I constantly felt this urge to talk about it. What SpEd had put me through. What I'd lost. What I'd seen & heard. The things I did and didn't learn. Even though I was never a very open kid, let alone teenager.

I hated that no one was talking about it. And how nobody knew what happened to kids like me behind closed doors. At 13 and 14, almost none of the new friends I made had ever heard a life story like mine. And I've always found that wild: I had a LOT of friends! (Still do!)

So I kept drawing it out. Kept working on the story in notebooks, sketchbooks, my friends' DMs, and anywhere else words could go. Sometimes, my family would catch glimpses of the concept art. Sad sketches of Matthew crying, freaky drafts of Monster, or tense moments between what would become Class 7-C.

And one of my parents would be like, "Why is your art so depressing?" They'd roll their eyes. And they'd add on, "People's parents aren't gonna like it!"

No, I never told them what the story was about. I never even told them it was a children's media (because it kinda isn't! I'd personally put PB as 13+?) These were judgments made with just one glance at computer papers covered in pencil strokes; sketchy and shapey little kids who didn't look like they were having fun.

I knew they were wrong. But the audacity still pissed me off. There aren't many times where it's appropriate to boss somebody else around in how to tell their story, you know? Not only that, but I also worried about not having an audience back then. Sure, all my friends loved my work. But at the time, I was the only one who'd really experienced anything "Special Education" in life. Thus, these were General Ed kids watching it unfold. Able-bodied eyes and (as far as I knew back then) neurotypical minds, watching and learning from whatever I made.

And I liked that. But that wasn't the only group I wanted to be seen by. I wanted disabled people, especially youth in their teens and twenties, to see it. That's my primary audience. And shit like that made me wonder if I'd ever find it. Had me second-guessing myself a little, you know?

But I shook it off. It's like that thing teachers always say in class. "If you're confused or have a question, ask: whatever it is, you probably aren't the only one thinking it!"

And I searched for stuff like PAPERBOY, hadn't I? Yeah. I had. So by that logic, other people definitely would be, too.

So I stuck to my guns, and... check it! Y'all showed up!

One thing I've noticed ever since publishing part 1 is that the PB Nation is pretty damn devoted. You guys have been patient, passionate, silly, and unapologetically yourselves since the get-go. And the response to every old promotional comic or post I've made has been OVERWHELMINGLY positive and curious. I've gotten fucking fanart, man! More than once! I've had the honor of meeting a few of you in person already! And for the ones who haven't caught me out with my friends in New York, believe me, I REMEMBER who comments what.

By the way, you guys should spam my comments more. Fuckin' love that shit. SPEAK TO ME, lmao. Even if it's like, the most irrelevant PB question ever. Keyboard smash in my comment sections. Send me disability reels you like. Tell me what you wanna see from the story. Whatever, as long as it doesn't bleed into parasocial territory!

I've gotta have one of the best audiences out there. So thank you! For just... being around. Here's to hoping y'all enjoy the journey we're aboutta go on.

#paperboy pb #paperboy #author's note #disability #disabled artist #disabled writer #webtoon canvas creator

[reginrokkr]

Just finished playing Caribert's AQ right now and I have many impressions that I'll write here, subject to be expanded more once I put my thoughts in order (will be posting a small guide to myself of the topics I'll discuss in more depth).

✦ Firstly, about Kaeya. In all honesty it's been a great relief to me to see that eventually he isn't the prince of Khaenri'ah. As I mentioned several months ago here, regencies are a temporary substitution for the actual king in succession and they aren't inheritable. Hopefully for Kaeya lovers out there, his implication in the lore didn't disappoint as I find it really interesting for multiple reasons: 1) he's a descendant of the Abyss Order founder Clothar Alberich and 2) the fact that he, who doesn't seem to be a pure blood Khaenri'ahn (ironically, I've talked about this with a couple of friends because his pupils were different from Dain's and later on to Halfdan's, but I wanted to keep off mentioning this here until we see more Khaenri'ahns to make a bolder statement, it was good to see that it was cleared up), was born to begin with and he seems to have aged well over past Caribert's age and look relatively fine (I say relatively because there is a lot missing here) is a miracle in itself. Specially considering that it's stated that any kid born from Khaenri'ahn blood and someone else pertaining to the reign of the Seven (I'll get to this on a different point) will be born in suffering until inevitably they become a hilichurl.

✧ Secondly, it was very interesting to see the notion of pure blood Khaenri'ahn and how the eyes are a very good lead to tell one from another apart (in this case Kaeya being the only one thus far, I believe). It's even more interesting that there is this differentiation vs the reign of the Seven as this would seal the deal about Khaenri'ahn people belonging to the Era of the Saints and that something must've happened for them to turn their backs to the gods. I'll go longer in a separate post for this concept. Oh, and the different curses and how it was actually teased in We Will Be Reunited: curse of immortality for the "great sinners", the pure blood Khaenri'ahn, and curse of wilderness to those of mixed blood to become hilichurls.

✦ Thirdly, the abyss twin (I'll refer to them as Lumine from now on as that is what seems to be canon in promotional material released by HYV for convenience sake). Scaramouche had teased in his own AQ that "The reason why there are records about your sister in Irminsul... it might have something to do with Khaenri'ah. Apparently, Khaenri'ah was her first destination when she arrived in this world. Plus, she only came to this world because the heavens responded to the summoning." Said summoning being this strong wish to control the Abyss as "if not even the gods can, if Khaenri'ah could, then they'd be able to control everything" and since Lumine was referred as the Abyss herself, this may imply that both she and Aether came to Teyvat via the Abyss (this calls for speculation that the actual true sky may be the Abyss, I'll also be talking about this in a different post). One thing that I don't buy is the fact that she was made princess of Khaenri'ah just like that. I get that this is coming from a position of worship I believe, as people thought that she would bring them new strength and hope, but it's something that I can't help but think that once again is about this factor of the twins having to interfere in everything, partly due to self insert purposes even though Lumine wouldn't count as this, but they're related. Moreover, it's a bit funny to me that Khaenri'ahns would turn their back to the gods but would trust an alien lol (again, I'll go deeper about this in another post but it's reminiscent of how the Second Who Came arrived to Teyvat and I'd dare to put my finger on fire to say that they came from the Abyss too, will expand on this at a later point). To conclude this point, I believe that Lumine must've contributed to the descent of the gods to Khaenri'ah hence she may be doing what she's doing these days out of guilt among other reasons (this is a deduction based in one of Dain's quotes in Collei's miscellany, will get into that in this other post).

✧ Fourth, about the Abyss, Fortune Lector, the Sinner, Clothar and Caribert. This utterly amazed me entirely and I can't wait to make some research to some sources of information to tie better my thoughts on this. I also have some suspicions about who this Sinner may be, but for obvious reasons it's speculating as it can be someone we haven't been introduced to yet. 1000/10 about this. All I'll say is that I know I'll have to look again into the heralds and lectors' descriptions alongside another series of items, so hang in there for me on that one. It's promising.

✦ Lastly, about Dain (lmao). Sorry, it's a bit funny to me that Dain is like the least here and I did wish there was more about him for how little screentime he has and only once a year. But let me tell you that I'm very curious about the fact that despite not having lived what Lumine did, his subconscious and instincts told him that something happened there. Not only that, but guess what direction he took to investigate more when he left both times? Exactly, the direction Caribert took when he left the cottage. I was also interested in how erosion affects him too. Oh, but also— where the heck was Dain 500 years ago if he did go with Lumine to Sumeru too? How the hecky the Aranara just talk about her? I knew something wasn't right when I decided to go divergent in that regard.

This is all for now. It may look like it's a lot but after revisiting the information I want to revisit, there will be more coming up. Overall this quest was great despite my major discrepancy with Lumine being the princess of Khaenri'ah, but as for the rest it was a really great ride. Can't wait to see Dain for his next yearly outing next year 😔

#◟༺✦༻◞ what lays behind the mantle of faux stars ┊ooc.┊ #okay maybe it /was/ a little bit of a long ramble #but this quest warrants it #I'll go dig something for dinner #then I'll look into some things I want #in order to make a headcanon/meta post #to explain a bit the Kaeya thing #I know how the fandom at large #treat Dain when it comes to Kaeya #not in RP alone #fanfics fanarts you name it #and I also know that it might not be #as exciting if it isn't the case of Kaeya being a prince #I've been wanting to write more in depth #for ages with someone #because they do have a solid thing to go from #so mainly that's where my relief comes from #sometimes it's hard when you're one of very few #that sees something that others don't #hence my insecurity at times too #in this regard #but this taught me to trust myself more #and so I will #okay will be back in a bit now!

[ughscara]

end of the year post.

heads up. if i sound sappy in some parts, i'm not sorry 🤍

as of me writing this, it's but a mere 20 minutes before it is officially the start of a new year.

it's a little surreal to believe that 2023 is coming to an end. a year that admittedly, was more emotionally and physically hectic for me. but i pushed through, and here i am going into 2024 as hopefully a better me.

to be honest, this year has been nothing but self reflection, realization and a lot of acceptance as well as embracing parts of myself that i thought i'd never return to. hobbies of mine like writing and drawing were ones i strayed away from for so, so long in 2023. but it more or so lead back into the tribulations i was facing then and still recovering from now.

it's a little surreal to me that months after months of doing nothing but reflection and getting back into what i love doing most just months before the year ended resulted into the me who decided to step into tumblr again and share my kuni ideas for the fun of it. that halloween fic i posted? just for shits and giggles at the time. but the fun i had writing it was a fun i wasn't able to feel throughout the entirety of 2023, and i admit the motivation boost i got from posting the fic afterwards, alongside checking in on the authors i used to follow just made something inside me click. and i went for it.

a bit more off topic but i still remember how i came back to genshin after a good five months or so in version 3.6 and doing the main event without knowledge of the sumeru quest line because i was avoiding spoilers. that day, i just finished taking an entrance exam for college and was exhausted from both the exam and from wearing myself out. midway into the introduction of the contestants; i was greeted with wanderer, or kuni in my vocabulary, being in the event and i was just smiling from ear to ear at the mere sight of him. feeling that same overflow of good emotions just take me whole to be honest, i was simply beyond happy. the way he spoke about writing about inazuma's societal issues because he was bored genuinely had me laughing for the first time that day.

i guess it's that simple little moment that hit me hard. it's silly, i'm aware, but it meant everything to me in a way. since that day in june; i was determined and full of creative drive to hopefully share at least one thing before the end of this year. look at me now, i have a series published that's yet to be finished so i can start on the next one in spring ( hopefully ), a one-shot to share for a moot and lastly... just a lot. i have a lot in store.

i have no right to say such things regarding my immense gratitude for the support i received from the few things i published, but the support i ended up getting on said few things — big and small — has made me realize that maybe i still feel very passionate about writing. that maybe i want to pursue the desire to publish all i have for that one fictional character that had my heart swoon the moment i saw him in a promotional trailer three years ago.

the ending note to 2023, starting october 31st when i published my first fic was a day that i'll always hold dear to me, my mutuals as well as the wonderful authors i follow made these past three months an absolute joy, and i cannot wait to make the most of my journey supporting each one of them ~

honestly i'm just rambling. but i am a professional yapper and to be honest i am writing all this on one cup of tea and like, six something hours of sleep i am absolutely not in the right headspace lmao. regardless! i am so so very glad to be here, to have survived an emotionally draining bitch of a year that was still an eventful year regardless to me, and starting the second of january... i shall be the bane of the scaranation's existence <3

we don't talk about how being that is actually a goal of mine because i think it'd be funny but i digress... 2024 will hopefully be just as much of an eventful year for me, for you, and everyone too. i believe that this year will be at least a little kinder to those who got absolutely shat on by 2023 ( pleek no more physical torment for me ) and if you're reading this, remember that this random stranger on the internet who's attempting to spread the kuni agenda is cheering you on for the year <3

i have a lot of stuff to share going forward. december was initially gonna be the month for all that but i had stuff going on that i ended prioritizing ( mainly my health ) so those initial plans will now move to the first month of a new year. mundanities with kabukimono will be finished in january, january 2nd will be interlocked eternities and lastly a late winter special that's actually a birthday gift for a mutual of mine ( mochi i am coming for you /menacingly )

oh it's 12 a.m. now, happy january first and happy 2024 everyone 🤍 may you be blessed with many wonderful days ahead. i shall see you on the second and third of january ~

#( ❀ ) ── the sixth kasan's announcement. #yes i am using that tag because this is important to me :) #anyways‚ i'm gonna go nod off for now .. it's funny how spent i feel despite not doing much today.

[lea-heartscxiv]

SK8 ~Golden Week: Showing Spain. The big party~ - 05/05/23 (May 5th in Spain ~ Last day) [Part 1/2]

Ainosuke as promised day they celebrated his birthday (Sunday in Spain, during afternoon where in Japan it was May 1st) is showing a bit of Spain to everyone in Golden Week, and this was last day, day 5.

You can read below cut line part 1 of 2 or complete on our Blogger where you can see too extras of Day 5. (From me and @van-yangyin)

Blogger: English | Español

You can read below cut line ↓

Everything written at the end with this * symbol, is Spanish conversation.

Thursday night, Olé family came to visit the guys. José sat down with Ainosuke in front of the campfire to talk about the last full day they would be in Spain.

José: Well, let us schedule tomorrow, you won't regret it.*

Ainosuke: As we talked about that time.... You don't have any bulls available, do you?*

José: No, but if you promise me that will come back to Spain again, we will try to contact a friend of ours, although what you tell me you want to do is very reckless!*

That said, after talking for a while longer, they said goodbye and went to rest, so that they would be fully energized the next day.

Friday, May 5th in Spain. Everyone was with renewed energy, especially after the previous day's off-camera evening. They woke up at 6:30 a.m., got dressed and at 8 a.m. José and the rest arrived to guide and take them to various places.

They arrived at the first stop and first thing they did was to go hiking. Magdalena told them that last time she couldn't show them the nature of her village as she would have liked and today was a good day, since the weather was nice, it was neither hot nor cold.

Reki: Do we have to walk?

Langa: Can't we go skateboarding?

Miya: My legs are sporty, but I don't know if they can stand walking for a long time...

So they walked along and found a small pond.

Miya: It's hot, can I put my feet in it?

Kojiro: But take your...

Miya: Great!

Kojiro: Shoes...

And not being able to do anything else, Kojiro let it be.

Langa took the opportunity to review a bit of Japanese history.

Ainosuke: In year 794 the imperial court founded a new capital Heian-kyo, Langa-kun, do you know what the capital is called nowadays?

Langa: Mmmmh... *shakes his head* I don't remember right now.

Ainosuke: Kyoto. Langa-kun, if you ever need help in your studies, you can ask me.

Reki lay down to look at the clouds while feeling breeze in air.

Reki: Next time I go on a trip I'd like to go to Los Angeles or Canada with Langa.

And Kojiro, Hiromi and Kaoru started talking.

Kaoru: Come on Kojiro, you must admit that that shirt suits you very well, everything that has something of mine on it, is perfect. Even if it's worn by a gorilla and deformed on your body.

Kojiro: Kaoru, saying this doesn't make it any better....

Kaoru: Well, I "proudly" wear the design of the shirt to promote Sia la Luce.

Kojiro: Where we are now, it's not like it's going to do much promotion...

Kaoru: But it's green, I can camouflage myself. And with my pink hair it matches very well.

Kojiro: Santa Madonna.

Hiromi: «Here we go again... They look like a married couple with many years of marriage and they've only been married for a year and a half.... Oka... I miss you...» - thinking.

Kojiro: Oh, wait. Nicola sent me a message.

Kaoru: Nicola... 

Hiromi: Kaoru, you seem to be more jealous of Kojiro talking to men than to women...

Magdalena: We should continue on our way.*

And between Magdalena's explanations with Ainosuke and Carla's translation and continuing along the road, they finally arrived where she wanted to take them to second and last place.

Magdalena: I don't know if any of you have a farm where you live or your grandparents have one, but I would like you to have the experience of helping with animals in another country.*

Ainosuke translated what Magdalena told them.

Kaoru: Let me, at Kojiro's grandfather's farm sometimes we had to feed them.

Kojiro: I don't remember it in the same way... It was just me who...

Kaoru: Who begged me to feed them, of course. 

He started feeding them.

Kaoru: Shit! I mean... *ahem* It's okay, relax... All right, you just need to relax...

Kaoru: And now that she's relaxed we'll try again. See? I have practice...

Reki on the other hand was helping Albert to spray the plants, who had previously taught him the best way to do it.

Reki: This is fun! Not as much as skateboarding though.... But it's also relaxing.

Inside the house José was teaching Tadashi how to make "Olé's pancakes".

Tadashi: Mr. José, I would like to make a special request. Since you have offered to teach me how to make your pancakes, I would like them to be a special shape...* «Although Ainosuke-sama does not say so, I know he likes Hello Kitty...» - thinking - Could you teach me how to make pancakes in the shape of Hello Kitty?*

José: Hello Kitty? What's that?

Tadashi: Wait, I'll look it up on Internet and show you.

José: Sure! It's that kitty that Pilar likes so much. In the shape of Hello Kitty, that's done. I've made that dessert for my granddaughter so many times.

And when they finished making it, they called everyone to eat.

Carmen: «Jose says that Señorito Ainosuke's secretary has helped him, how good it has turned out.*» - thinking. Señorito: Like Young Master.

Ainosuke: «This was Tadashi's doing.» - thinking.

Hiromi: It looks good!

Ainosuke: Tadashi made it, of course it looks good.

Carmen: Hey, niño! You all are very good in different fields, what else do you know how to do? If you weren't his secretary, we would hire you here in a heartbeat.* Niño: literally translated as kiddo, affectionate way for some older people to call a person younger than themselves.

Tadashi: Nothing special, I just like to serve my master.*

Carmen: You love him very much, don't you? If you get married, you must to invite us to your wedding.*

Tadashi: *ahem* Of course...*

Carmen: Or are you already married?*

Hiromi: «It's as good as the sweets Joe sometimes makes!» - thinking.

After finishing eating, Ainosuke went outside because he also wanted to try what Kaoru did in the barnyard. Although on the way we can see how Reki is finishing his meal while still spraying the plants.... He seems to have taken a liking to it.

And Ainosuke made friends with the rooster right away.

Ainosuke: This is easier than Cherry made it look. Why lie, I'm perfect in everything, and in this I couldn't be less.

Reki went after Ainosuke and just like him, made friends with the rooster the first time. It seems that at the end Kaoru the expert, was the most inexperienced of the three, either that or the hen he addressed was as stubborn as he was.

Then it was Langa's turn, who also wanted to pet one of the hens or roosters in the barnyard. And just like all the others, the rooster let himself be petted the first time. Could it be that rooster is the docile one and they all are heading the same one?

Kojiro obviously didn't want to miss the opportunity, his grandparents had a farm.

Kojiro: My grandmother would like you very much, I'm sure you are punctual in the morning to wake up the day.

And finally it was Miya who also had no problem. Hiromi and Tadashi didn't want to participate. The former because:

Hiromi: I can't go as Shadow right now!

Miya: Why do you want to be Shadow?

Hiromi: Be.. Because... *yelling* Because it gives me courage!

Miya: Well, it didn't cost you anything to yell at me with courage....

As for the second one:

Tadashi: My duty is to protect Ainosuke-sama from any danger. I can't afford to waste my time on that kind of thing.

Once everyone had finished feeding the hens and roosters, it was time for them to rest in their coop. They went to the entrance to go back home and celebrate the night before the next day arrived, when they had to get ready to leave. And this time they drove all the way to the entrance.

~Continue in Part 2~

#sims 4 #Shindo Ainosuke #adam sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 anime #sk8 sims #神道愛之介誕生祭2023 #Celebrating Ainosuke's Birthday #our sk8 sims #my sk8 sims #van-yangyin #lea-heartscxiv #SK8_TS4LeaVan