#since last year i did a lot of good work that i like to reread

[simpingsavant]

Late Night

Pairing: Spencer Agnew x GN!Reader

Summary: You are the person always working when Spencer stops by to get his fix of Mountain Dew Kickstart.

Genre/Warnings: Fluff, slow-burn. A gross man flirts w you for plot purposes. Promise it's very non-major but just in case.

Word Count: 6.4k

A/N: First time posting for smosh, but not the first time posting fanfic. I made a whole side blog for this lol I'm thinking I want to post more so feel free to send me smosh requests and give lots of love so I stay motivated to write more hehe <3

Working the graveyard shift at a 24-hour convenience store is generally not a good idea. Except this one is in a nice area of LA, you’re almost always working with someone, and it’s slow enough that you can get your grad school work done.

Four months ago, when you were first looking at the help wanted sign in the window, you decided you would give it a week to see if it was actually worth it. Now, you were contently typing away on your computer as a group of middle-aged people grabbed alcohol and snacks. They were fancily dressed but the expressions on their faces were reminiscent of college students who were partying through the night like they owned it. When they came up with a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and enough snacks to last them weeks, you happily scanned the items.

The silver fox dressed in a deep, blue suit dropped a twenty in the tip jar.

“Thank you,” You said, handing him a receipt as his cohorts grabbed the food.

The bell jingled as they left. Your coworker was in the back taking inventory. You looked down at your laptop, rereading the last couple of sentences as you found your place in the research essay you’d been taking notes from.

You loved your job. You worked from 11 pm to 8 am and although it took you time to adjust to a new sleep schedule, it was worth it. You were paid slightly more since you were working such an atrocious shift and you never interacted with your boss. Occasionally, he would message you that he was coming in early to talk, but he often just texted about what he wanted you to get done.

Until 1 am, you were working with Michael, a young man who was in his senior year of college. At 4 am, Marie would come in, an older Latina woman who had been working this shift for over ten years now. She’d relieve you for your break and you’d come back just in time for the morning rush.

You liked the morning rush. Although you couldn’t get much homework done at the time, it was when you had your most regulars. You would see moms buying their children lunch before school, office workers buying cheap coffee, and students buying energy drinks.

Marie would man the register, and you would come to help if needed. During rests, you would be restocking shelves or cleaning.

From 1 am to 4 am, you would usually see only a few faces. You would see students who stay up extremely late or workers having to go in much too early. Since it was a nice neighborhood, they were all pleasant people and you never worried about your own safety or well-being. 

Only one regular came in consistently during these hours. He looked to be about your age with chocolate hair that curled at the nape of his neck. He came in just after 1 am and always sported dark eye circles. He purchased anywhere from 4 to 8 cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart and occasionally a bag of chips. 

Sometimes, you’d see him in the morning again before you were off. He’d buy a cheap coffee and some fruit.

For the first month, you were too concerned with doing your job well to start any conversations besides pleasantries. He was, however, the first customer you recognized as a regular. You couldn’t help but wonder why anyone would need so many energy drinks. In particular, why in God's name did he love Mountain Dew Kickstart?

Maybe you were so intrigued because he caught your eye from day one. He was dressed in combat boots and a worn jacket. You soon learned those two items were part of his daily attire. You liked the way his hair looked or the way his downturned eyes crinkled as he smiled.

In your second month of working there, you spent way too much time trying to think of a way to start a conversation.

So far, you only got:

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“How’s your night going?”

“Good, and you?”

“Fine. Do you want a bag?”

“No, I have my backpack.”

“Okay. Your total is $12.53, go ahead and swipe, insert, or tap your card. Would you like your receipt?”

Sometimes he said yes, sometimes he said no. A few times, your hands would brush. He was always so warm, your cold hands lingering as he bashfully smiled and looked away.

“Have a good one.”

“You too.”

His hair was getting longer and you thought it suited him well. You wanted nothing more than a reason to hold a genuine conversation with him.

During your third month, that reason finally came.

He walked in, luscious locks replaced with a buzz cut and you couldn’t help but go “Oh wow.”

“Is it that bad?” He joked, rubbing the top of his head.

“No, no,” You immediately said, hands moving rapidly. “It just surprised me.” A beat of silence followed before you added, “You pull it off.” He really did, but you also took that as a sign you liked him a little too much. You felt like a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Thanks, it was for work,” He adds, voice monotone despite the little grin he sported at your compliment. He walks farther into the store, toward the opposite wall with the display of drinks.

“For work? Are you joining the army?” You question, stumbling over your words slightly as you realize that it’s finally happening—you are finally holding a conversation with him.

“No,” He laughs. “I work for this online entertainment company.” He fills his arms with five cans. “It was for a special.”

“Oh,” You reply, rolling on the balls of your feet as you try to think of ways to keep the conversation going. “Are you an actor?”

“More behind the scenes,” He replies, coming up to the counter and placing his drinks down. He grabs a bag of chips from the front display.

“That’s cool,” You say, picking up the first can as you begin scanning.

He shrugs, “I’m sure half the city does stuff online.”

“I doubt that,” You scoff. “Maybe half does entertainment, but definitely not exclusively online content.” Feeling a little bad for shutting him down, you look up at him for a moment, expecting to see disappointment or annoyance.

Instead, he’s smiling. It’s not a large smile, but it quells your anxiety.

“You’re probably right,” He answers, fishing out his card.

“I usually am,” You joke, giving him a quick look before clicking away on your screen. “Your total is $10.54.”

He lets out a short laugh that makes your insides flip with satisfaction. “I’m Spencer by the way,” He offers, putting away his card after the reader beeps.

“Y/N,” You say, tapping your name tag. “Do you want your receipt, Spencer?”

“Sure, Y/N,” He answers, putting his drinks into his backpack.

You rip it from the printer and hold it out. The way he said your name makes you shiver. He takes the receipt and bids you farewell.

You see him in the morning and you’re eighty percent sure he times it to check out with you instead of Marie. Today he opted for an iced coffee with lots of cream and a plastic container of chopped mango.

“Good morning, Spencer. How’d you sleep?”

“Good, but not long enough. What about you?”

You see a flash of realization on his face as soon as he says it, but you’re speaking before he can correct himself.

“Haven’t slept yet, but I get off in ten minutes and will be able to sleep till five today so that’s nice.”

“What’s at five?”

“Class. They’re in the evening since so many grad students work day jobs.” You tap away on the screen. “Would you like your receipt?”

“Nah, just toss it.” He picks up the drink and fruit. “See ya later, Y/N.”

“See you,” You reply, crumpling the receipt and throwing it in the small trash bin under your register before waving to the next customer.

~~

Since then, Spencer has come in every night without fail and sparked a conversation with you. You learn that the company he works for is called Smosh and you think the name is vaguely familiar. He asks you what you’re studying and why you’re always on your laptop.

The next month and a half goes by quickly. You come to expect him, anticipating his nightly visits. He has recently started staying longer, leaning over the counter and smiling at you as he talks about something that happened the other day. If another person comes in, he usually takes that as his sign to leave, wishing you well and exiting before the new customer is ready to check out.

You’re unfortunately not getting as much homework done because of this, but you don’t mind one bit. You either work during your break or just take some time before class to do more. You wonder if he’s not getting as much sleep because of this, worried you’re burdening him. Despite this, you know that you’ll selfishly never be able to turn him away. Even if it is for his own benefit.

Once, he came in before Michael had left. Your conversation was curt and he left right after you gave him the receipt. Michael stared you down the whole time and Spencer was clearly thrown off by another person being there.

“Who was that?” Your coworker asked, moving toward you from his spot behind the hot food.

“Just a regular,” You answer, trying to keep your cool. You pull out a cloth and begin wiping down the counter, wanting to occupy your hands. “He usually comes later.”

“Ah,” Michael says, nodding slowly and giving you a look. “That’s it?”

“Yeah?”

“Interesting.”

The comment piques your interest and you can’t help but ask, “How so?”

Michael smirks at you, “Why do you care?”

“Bro, shut up,” You hiss, pushing him out of your face and walking over to your stash of food. Your face felt hot as you walked past, and you attempted to hide it in the collar of your shirt. It was never fun to be caught with a crush, but you wanted to know Michael’s thoughts. So far, you and Spencer always talked in privacy, with no onlookers to comment on if your feelings seemed mutual.

“Fine, fine,” He relents, holding his hands up. “It’s just that I saw him through the window before he came in and he was smiling way too big for someone coming in the pick up energy drinks.”

“You’d be surprised. He gets those every night,” You defensively argue, “He probably has a shrine at home.”

“Oh, come on,” Michael says, rolling his eyes as you pop a chip into your mouth. “That smile dropped as soon as he saw me. I bet he wishes it was just you.”

“Don’t say that stuff.”

“Why not? Don’t you like him? You definitely lit up when you saw him.”

You gawk at your coworker, absolutely astonished at how easy it was for him to notice. This was the first time anyone witnessed the two of you interact and now you were questioning every interaction. Did he like you? Or did he just like that you gave him a confidence boost because your infatuation was so obvious?

“W-what’s your major again? Investigation?” You accuse, stuttering out of pure frustration.

“Yes, actually—”

You roll your eyes, but the sound of the door brings your back to attention. You steel your expression but are grateful the conversation ended. It was a wake-up call for you and you spent the rest of your shift trying to understand your feelings more.

Could it still be called a crush? You felt like you knew so much and yet so little about him. When did you cross the line from strangers to acquaintances? How do you go from acquaintances to friends? Did you even want to be friends?

After that, Spencer always came in after Michael left, his disposition more friendly when it was just the two of you. You didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad sign, but it was hard to think about when only a counter separated the two of you and he was radiating warmth and cracking jokes.

~~

“Okay,” You hear Michael say and all of a sudden you are back to reality, no farther in your reading than you were 10 minutes ago.

The door to the back shuts and you look at your coworker with wide eyes.

“I finally finished with inventory.”

He looks down at his phone, prompting you to look at the time showing on your laptop.

12:56

“Sweet,” He says, tucking his phone into his back pocket. “Need anything from me before I go?” 

“No,” You answer. “Enjoy your night.”

“Thanks, I’m gonna go grab my stuff before I clock out.”

“For sure. See you tomorrow.”

“Later,” Michael says.

He opens the door to the back and you turn to your computer. The break room was through those doors as was the back entrance which almost all employees used when coming and going.

You focused on your computer, reading the most important parts of the study and taking down notes. In the back of your mind, you knew Spencer would be arriving soon. It makes you nervous, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you await his arrival.

You have been thinking lately about how to advance your relationship. Maybe get more personal with the information or invite him to hang out outside of your job. The idea makes you queasy because you worry about ruining everything by trying to get more.

You finished the reading and moved on to another class assignment. Spencer came in soon after, his lips quirked up and no jacket on. The weather was getting warmer and it was rather dry. You could absolutely walk around with only a T-shirt and jeans on despite the time.

This, however, drew your eyes to his arms immediately. They weren’t as hairy as you were expecting, his beard and how quickly his hair grew back making you think they would be. He wasn’t very muscley in any way, but your eyes shamelessly lingered on his biceps longer than you wanted.

His skin was littered with freckles and tattoos, black ink that started at his forearm and rose past his t-shirt. You could spend hours looking at them, a couple of them immediately garnering your interest.

“Hey,” You greeted, your eyes snapping up to his face. You were pretty sure he caught you, but he thankfully said nothing. Maybe he was used to his tattoos being looked at, an easy cover considering you weren’t just looking at his tattoos.

“Hey, how’s your night?” He makes his way across the store with ease, eyes staying on you.

“Fine, it’s extra slow tonight.”

“That’s nice,” He’s speaking loud enough that you can hear him from far away. “Are you getting a lot of homework done?”

“Yeah,” You replied. “Finals are coming up and I’m working on all the trivial homework now so I can study and work on the final essays in the library.”

“Is this your final year?”

“Sort of. I’ll be getting my masters after this, but I’m on an automated track for my PhD.”

There’s silence as he grabs a final can and walks up to the front. It’s almost awkward, but you aren’t sure why. It seems like he wants to ask you something, but is struggling to say it.

You start scanning his items, letting him think instead of trying to fill the space with meaningless talk.

“Are you still working here over the summer?”

“I am,” You light up, realizing why he was nervous. It sent a spark through your body to think about him missing you.

God, you wanted him so bad.

“I’m also doing some research work for a professor though,” You add. “I’m honestly too busy to have a job and it will only get worse in the upcoming year, but I need the money and this is the best option for pay and the ability to do homework.”

“Damn,” Spencer sighs. “I’m sorry about that.”

His voice is soft and sincere. It throws you off for a moment, not used to this kind of sympathy. Your social circle consists of Michael, Marie, and other students who were also going through their own shit.

“Oh, it's nothing,” You shyly reply, eyes falling to the counter and lips forming a tight line as your mind races.

“No, seriously,” Spencer insists. “It must be so difficult and yet you never seem like you’re struggling.”

With a large breath, you finally accept his compliment. “Thank you, that’s very nice of you.” You look up to see that his gaze is already on you and you hold eye contact for an absurd amount of time. You’re sure any onlookers would consider the scene intense.

The pressure of the moment builds, compressing your lungs.

“Um, anyways, your total is $9.54,” You say, breaking the silence and eye contact.

“Oh, right.”

Spencer shoves his hand into his pocket to grab his wallet and you once again admire his arms as he’s busy.

“How was work today?” You ask, wanting to dissipate the intensity of the moment.

“Long.” He answers. “This week is a filming week so I’ve been busy as hell working behind the camera and being in a few videos too. Tomorrow is Friday though and I don’t have to be in till 11 am.”

You hum in acknowledgment, “That sucks.” 

Long ago, when curiosity finally got to you, you looked up Smosh. You realized quickly that the name was familiar because it was quite popular back in OG YouTube. You spent an hour exploring their channels before growing bored and looking up videos with Spencer specifically. It was weird and you could only watch in short increments of time before needing a break. You felt like you were violating his privacy, but struggled to stop when you realized just how funny he was, his humor translating perfectly on camera. He held your attention in so many videos, quick quips making you burst out laughing.

You also note the differences in how he talks to you and how he talks to the camera. Although quiet, he cracks jokes almost every time he speaks. His coworkers seem like friends and you’re sure that helps to comfort any nerves he would have on screen. However, they were obviously trained on-camera talent whereas he simply fell into it because of how much the audience liked him. Around you, he made jokes, but he also seemed to shed the demeanor he developed for videos. Not every sentence was about entertaining.

They were real. Real discussions with real problems no matter how mundane.

“Yeah, but at least we are getting it done. Next week is all at my computer or in meetings,” He adds, tucking away his card and putting his drinks into his backpack. “Anyways, so, when is your finals week?”

“In two weeks technically, but I have a couple of major things going on next week,” You answer, taking a seat on the stool next to you.

“Like what?” Spencer inquires, a light in his eyes that sends a shiver up your spine.

“Well, I’m taking four classes. Two of them have an exam and a final essay. One has a final essay and matching presentation, and then last is a group assignment that also has a presentation and essay.”

“Oh no, not a group assignment,” Spencer interjects, empathy on the tip of his tongue.

“I know,” You agree, nerves falling away as you ease into familiar territory. “People in masters programs are not as bad but they can still be pretty clueless and unhelpful.” You shake your head in frustration, “Like this one guy in my group, he thinks he is so edgy and smart. He takes no criticism but also doesn’t put in enough work. He’s basically made me his personal target and I literally have a group chat with two other members just to rant when he says the stupidest shit.”

“Damn, sounds like an ass.”

“He is,” You groan, closing your eyes. “But we are almost done. We have the essay due next week and then presentations during the finals period.” You grin in relief, “After that, I have two weeks of break before starting my internship with the professor.”

“Are you getting paid for that?” Spencer asks.

The conversation was flowing easily, his interest in your life more evident than ever. It isn’t lost on you that he’s exhibiting every sign of attentive listening and it makes your insides twist. He’s leaning forward, fingers tapping away on the counter as he nods periodically.

“Only in experience,” You sigh. “Money would be great, but I’d rather learn from this and not get paid than not do it at all. I only have to dedicate 12 hours a week to it anyway and that’s not much considering my usual schedule is jam-packed.”

“What’s the study about?” He asks, holding your gaze more often than usual. You find it hard to reciprocate, too nervous to engage in whatever he is doing. You aren’t sure if you could call it flirting because he definitely wasn’t complimenting you, but he was acting differently enough that it was noticeable.

Before you can answer, a customer walks in, the bell ringing in your ears as you look at the brunette in front of you. You expect him to leave like every time before, but he doesn’t move. Although thrown off slightly, you recover quickly and answer his question. When the customer is ready to check out, Spencer simply steps to the side but lingers near. As soon as the man leaves, Spencer is right back where he was and asking you another question that keeps you talking.

He leaves twenty minutes later, eyes half-lidded and tired. You don’t see him that morning, likely because he doesn’t have to go into the office as early as usual. Despite logic, you still miss him.

~~

When Spencer comes in that night, he’s later than usual. Not by much, it’s not even 2 am when he walks through the door. And yet, he’s apologetic.

“Hey, sorry,” He mumbles, coming right up to the counter.

Taken aback, your hands slip from your keyboard and you stand up straight. Fridays were always the busiest weekday and although you did wonder where Spencer was, you didn’t have much time to think about it.

“I was playing a game and totally lost track of time,” He continued, a touch more out of breath than usual. He runs a hand through his short, recently bleached hair.

“No worries,” You say, not quite sure why he’s apologizing. It’s not like you had a set time to hang out or do something together. “Need to come get a drink so you can keep going?” You ask, trying to dissipate the awkward feeling that was bubbling up. You didn’t want to let yourself assume more than was reality.

“No, no, I mean,” He stumbles, “I probably will go back to playing, I just—never mind.” He looks down, staring at the counter, specifically the display of scratchers in the built-in glass case.

God, this felt so weird. You shouldn’t have said that, maybe he actually wanted to see you but then you ruined it by making it about the drinks and not you.

“So, what game were you playing?” You ask, the air feeling stuffy.

After a relieved sigh, Spencer goes into the details. You listen intently because not only is he a good storyteller, but you also genuinely care about his interests.

As he rants about some game mechanic, your mind begins to wander. More precisely, you wonder if your affection for him is obvious. Even from the short interaction you had in front of Michael, he could tell there was something more going on. To a stranger would it be obvious? To your friends would it be obvious? Would they say you two would make a cute couple? Or would they not see the chemistry?

“Oh, that’s frustrating,” You say, picking up on the pause in his monologue.

“Eh,” He shrugs, “It’s life.” He leans over the counter, shoulders more relaxed than when he first entered. “I needed a break anyway. So, how’s your night been?”

“Well,” You begin. “I felt rather lost without you.” Sarcasm is dripping off your tongue and Spencer immediately smiles. “My internal clock is all screwed up.”

“You poor thing,” He says, playing along.

“You, sir, need to take your responsibility more seriously,” You laugh, sitting back down in your chair and leaning over to grab your water. “More than half an hour late, I’m sure your body is screaming for a Mountain Dew.”

“Not just a Mountain Dew,” He protests, “A Mountain Dew Kickstart.”

You giggle, just about to add something before the bell rings and your eyes immediately shift to the front door. The patron, dressed in black jeans, a blue hoodie, and a leather jacket, comes up to you immediately. In the fifteen-foot walk between you and the door, you notice he is at least twenty years older than you, skin wrinkling and sagging with age. His clothes are worn, fraying at the seams. When he pushes forward, Spencer immediately slinks away, stepping over to look at the opposite wall of food. The stranger places his hands on the counter and you see dirt under his nails.

When he speaks, his voice is hoarse.

“Two packs of the Marlboro Red,” He commands, his eyes dragging up and down your body. Just as you turn to grab the cigarettes, you can see a smirk forming on his lips.

You sigh, taking a moment to harden your exterior before turning around to scan the packs. These kinds of customers were uncommon for the area, but still came in enough for you to pick them out of a crowd immediately. Usually, they leave easily enough.

“Anything else?” You ask, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

“Two of those beef taquitos, hun,” He says, a dirty finger pressing against the warm glass.

You feel a wave of cold at the name but move aside to grab the hot food without any fuss. The sooner he leaves the better. When you hand them over to him, he purposefully moves his hand far enough forward that it touches yours. You are vaguely aware of Spencer in the background, but force your eyes off him.

You can deal with this on your own just fine.

The stranger's eyes linger on your hand and you snatch it away, typing on the tablet to add the taquitos to his total.

“Anything else?” You echo, voice more curt than before.

“Hmm,” He hums contemplatively, putting his finger to his chin like he’s performing. “I suppose I’ll take your number too.”

You fake a laugh, looking into his eyes for only a moment before going back to your screen. “Although I’m flattered, I don’t give my number to strangers.” A few more taps to the device, “Your total is $22.37.”

“Well,” He leans forward and reads off your name from the tag. It sounds sickly coming from his lips. “My name is Mark. Give me your number and then we won’t be strangers.” He pulls out his card to pay, shoving the cigarettes into his pockets.

You give him a forced smile, resting your hand on your heart while you try to let him down gently. “Nice to meet you, Mark, but still. I am not interested.”

“Why?” He questions, “You got a boyfriend?”

You debate telling him you’re in a relationship. Maybe it will get him to leave, maybe he’ll just suggest you cheat. It’s always difficult to tell.

“Dude,” You hear a voice speak up. “You’re holding up the line.”

Mark turns around to see Spencer a few feet behind. You have to crane your neck to see him, the brunette lining up down an aisle. He’s holding some random items, clearly having wandered around the store, paying attention but trying to look like he was merely shopping.

Just before Mark can say anything, Spencer is pushing forward and shouldering past. “Just take the L and move on,” He deadpans, his voice low and foreboding. He stares down the stranger, putting his items onto the counter without even looking away. He’s half a head shorter than the guy, but his presence alone makes up for that tenfold.

“Here’s your receipt,” You quietly interject, holding it out. Half of you was thankful for the interruption, but the other half of you was annoyed. Despite that, you choose to use this opportunity to end the conversation.

With a huff, Mark snatches the receipt from your hand.

“Whatever,” He mumbles to himself, “Bitch.”

The bell dings as he exits, leaving you and Spencer in a loud silence. You let out a shaky breath.

“Oh my god,” Spencer begins. His words draw your gaze away from the door and to him. You can see the concern on his face and the disgust in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” You have a moment to say before he’s talking again.

“What an ass. Do you not have a panic button?”

“I do,” You answer, “But that’s for robberies.”

“Or this!” He protests, gesturing at the door where the man had exited. “You need to stay safe.”

“I was staying safe,” You defend.

“I can’t believe they have you alone at this time of night,” Spencer continues, seemingly not registering your words. “Like, anyone can just come in here!”

“Spencer,” You say, trying to grab his attention.

“You should never have to deal with that kind of–”

“Spencer,” You repeat, finally getting him to shut up.

“What?”

“It’s fine, I can deal with this on my own. You didn’t need to help,” You explain, wishing the moment would simply pass so you could move on.

“Just because you can deal with it on your own doesn’t mean you have to,” He argues, his voice softer than before.

His words leave you at a loss, unsure how to respond. He breaks the silence before you can.

“How often does this happen?”

“Not often,” You say, struggling to make any eye contact. “This is a nice area and usually they just give up after a couple of tries.”

Spencer sighs, running a hand through his hair with an exasperated expression. “Sorry,” He mumbles, the word being pulled from him. “I shouldn’t have freaked out like that.” You can see the regret in his eyes. “I got so heated and I should have just made sure you were okay.”

“Oh,” You say, “Thanks.” His apology was unexpected but very appreciated. “I am fine.”

Spencer nods, the moment feeling slightly awkward as the resolution comes. “When does the next person get here?” He asks.

“Four,” You answer, taking a chance to grab your phone and check the time.

2:21

“Damn, that’s a long time.”

“It’s whatever,” You shrug. “It goes pretty quickly since I’m basically just talking to you and then doing homework.”

When the words register for him, there’s a glint in his eyes and a small smile forming on his face. “That’s good,” He replies. There’s a pause before he speaks again, “But damn, that’s like an hour and a half away.”

“Yeah,” You sigh, resting back on your stool.

“Can I stay?” He asks, surprising you. “For peace of mine, I mean. I’m just thinking about me leaving and that guy coming right back in. I don’t know, it’s dumb, but I just can’t imagine leaving you right now.”

“Sure,” You reply, interrupting his word vomit once you’ve regained your barrings.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” You shrug, a closed-lip grin forming. “I would love for you to keep me company.”

“Cool,” He says, a smile forming for him.

The moment is awkward and foreign. From an outside perspective, you probably both look like grinning idiots.

“Well,” Spencer begins, breaking the silence, “I’m definitely going to need an energy drink to stay awake.” He looks down at the pile of snacks he brought up. “You keep working, I’m gonna put these away and come back up with stuff I actually want to buy.”

“Roger that,” You reply, giving him a look before turning back to your computer. You don’t get much work done as you wait for him to come back up. You can’t see him in the aisles, but as he moves between aisles, he always looks at you. The security camera screen is just to your right and you can’t help but watch him as he puts away the random collection of items.

You’re nervous, too distracted by his presence to focus on anything. You were somewhat excited to spend such a prolonged period of time with him. However, you were also absolutely terrified that you would make a fool of yourself or simply seem too boring.

“Okay,” You hear him say, already aware that he was making his way back to the front. “All done.” He is now holding three cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart and a chocolatey protein bar. “Can I also get a couple of taquitos?”

“What kind?” You ask, reaching forward to start scanning his items.

“Your pick, I guess."

You smile at him and see he’s already grinning at you. You can’t help it, everything he does seems to make you happy beyond logic. “I’ll give you one chicken and one fiesta. The beef is fine and the cheese is not good.”

“Sounds like a plan,” He laughs, pulling out his card to pay and then opening a can and taking a big swig.

“Did that guy getting some make you crave them?” You ask, a joking glint in your eyes as you look up at him.

“Am I a misogynist if I say yes?” He replies, making you let out a laugh that was just a little too loud.

When you hand him the taquitos, he leans back onto the counter, head turned so you can see his side profile. He has the drink in one hand and the paper bag of taquitos in another. He takes a bite, a comfortable silence falling over you both. You occupy your time by looking down at your computer and mindlessly clicking around while you try to think of things to talk about. 

“How was work?” You say, deciding on that as the least risky option.

“Good,” He shrugs. “We finished a little late and traffic meant I didn’t get home till almost 7 pm.”

“Oh jeez,” You groan. “My commute is pretty easy in the morning because I go opposite the traffic.”

“I’m jealous,” He replies, smiling at you. “Do you live far from here?”

A shock of electricity shoots through your body. “Somewhat. This isn’t my local convenience store, but I’m not that far.”

Spencer nods, “This isn’t mine either.”

“What?”

He turns to look at you, eyebrows perked up like he didn’t just say something ridiculous.

“This isn’t your nearest convenience store,” You repeat slowly. When he nods, you ask, “So why do you come here?”

Spencer laughs, realizing his mistake. “The one nearest me is literally down the street, but they don’t always have these,” He answers, holding up the pineapple orange mango-flavored drink. “This store is only a few more minutes away and it always has them.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s because you buy our stock,” You joke. “I’ve literally had my boss ask about why we are selling so many more.”

“Really?” He gasps, leaning in closer. “I used to only make the walk here if the closer one was out, but four months ago I just stopped bothering.”

The fact that four months is when you started working is not lost on you. Feeling confident, you add, “What about when you get coffee? I’m sure the other one has coffee.”

“True.” He looks slightly caught off guard, eyes scanning the store before speaking, “I only come to get coffee here if I’m too lazy to make it at home and running early enough to…” He pauses for a second, the sentence closing as if it wasn’t the planned ending. Finally, he adds, “To see you.”

You hum, looking down because your face is warm and you’re at a loss for words. Luckily, he’s too nervous to look at you either. You feel tingly, knowing full well that this is a special moment that you’ll look back on if you end up dating.

“Anyways,” Spencer breaks the silence. Before he can say anything else, he yawns, mouth opening wide.

“You know you can go home, right?” You laugh. When you look down at your computer, you see it’s about half an hour later. “No one has come in and I doubt anyone will before Marie gets here.”

“No, no,” He protests. “And anyway, aren’t I making time fly?”

“I suppose,” You grin. “You are quite great company.”

Spencer flashes you a smile that makes your insides twist. You wonder if he is picking up on all this. If he can tell that you’re interested in him.

“I’m honored.”

“You should be.” You sarcastically quip. “I have high standards for the company I keep close to me.”

“Is this close?” He contemplates aloud. “I’ve never even seen you without your black polo, black pants, and nonslip shoes.”

You laugh, looking down at your clothes. “Don’t you like this fit?”

“I mean, I love it,” Spencer starts, “But I don’t know how much you’re serving day to day.”

“I serve even when I’m only going to class,” You protest. “Maybe when I’m done with finals, I’ll grace you with my out-of-work personality.”

Spencer grins, “I’d be honored.”

You’re on high alert, knowing exactly what was happening.

“You should be,” You echo, unsure of what else to say. It doesn’t matter though. You could say anything and Spencer would find you charming.

“Maybe we can go to competing stores and graffiti them,” He suggests, long since turned around so he can look at you fully.

“Pft,” You laugh. “I don’t want to get arrested with you the first time we hang out.”

“You don’t? That’s usually my go-to!”

“Well, my go-to is food. Or the arcade.”

“The arcade?” He questions. “All this time I’ve been talking about games and you’ve never mentioned that you’re also a gamer?”

“I am not!” You protest. “Definitely not compared to you. You’re a savant and I’m the fool.”

“I doubt that,” He replies, a grin never leaving his face as he leans in closer. “I say arcade so I can check out your skills.”

“Deal,” You say, leaning onto the counter so you are only a few feet away. “The arcade it is.”

#smosh #smosh games #smosh fanfic #smosh fanfiction #spencer agnew #spencer x reader #spencer agnew x reader #spencer agnew fanfic #spencer agnew fanfiction #spencer agnew imagine

[dailycass-cain]

2023 was another big stepping stone with Cass. The character was featured in A LOT of stuff this year amongst a few negative antics.

But unlike prior years the good really outweighed the bad. BY A LOT.

So let's take a look back one final time #CAINAISSANCE2023...

The year started STRONG with the release of Batgirls #14 aka the BEST solo story that involved the character this year.

I've gone in LENGTH on how AMAZING this tale was. If you haven't read it DO SO. You don't need any context but to just take in the masterpiece given.

Writers Becky Cloonan and Michael Conrad gave artist Jonathan Case just this canvas of an issue to tell AN EPIC mostly silent issue.

If there's a tale Batgirls will be remembered for it'll BE THIS ISSUE.

I've lost count to just taking in the gorgeous art Case delivers here and just letting the actions and emotions tell the tale.

The only regret is well no full payoff to what is fully learned within this issue.

It just hits EVERY mark and is something any Cass fan CRAVED, but never got in Batgirl Vol. 1. Batgirls #14 was a worthy issue that should be talked about amongst fans of Cass for quite some time.

February gave us Cass's grand entrance to Ram V's Detective Comics run (#1069) and what an entrance it was! Literally, I can't let it go of how AMAZING it was.

And the run itself? It just keeps delivering as THE Batman book out currently.

It's a slow burn and when the run lays the payoffs IT HITS THOSE PAYOFFS. The series just ended an exceptional bi-weekly event that featured Cass and well, I'm extremely curious where this run goes with the character.

If anything, I just want MOAR from Ram V or a smaller secondary story involving Cass. But given the various characters he's been rotating and given next year is 2024 (more on that later) I'm keeping my fingers crossed for ALL OF THIS.

This run does work in trade but I digress you'd be missing the GORGEOUS covers this series has been shelling out. If anything BUY the single issues and read the run this way until you get to the present.

Or reread them like I've been doing. 😋

The early half of 2023 marked Cass's surprise return to an actual role in mega crossovers. She took part in the final issue of Batman vs. Robin being one of the random factors to stall the possessed Batman until ALL of DC's magical users came to cast it out of him.

The weakest of the crossovers the character was involved in I have to say was Gotham War. It was a nothing burger that made me swear off the Chip Zdarsky run of Batman completely.

Honestly, I feel more rewarded reading Tec more. Unless Chip pulls off a miracle turnaround in 2024.

But I digress Zdarsky was only half of the problems with the other being Tini Howard and yeah, if you were a Bat Family member who wasn't Jason Todd (how did that mini turn out to be more entertaining then the ENTIRE event?!)?

This story SUUUUUUUUCKED. Quite possibly the worst Batman event story since War Games/Crimes for me.

Sadly, the most disappointing stories I'd have to say are on equal ground in Beast World and Knight Terrors. As there was interesting concepts with Cass involving them, and both stories just go NOWHERE.

I feel more so robbed with Knight Terrors as the design for Cass within it went hard. It's just that you give us THIS design and tease us with this little nugget and give us NOTHING?

COME ON!

Beast World was a whole nothing burger as well, save the pretty art and a full confirmation that Cass's old NML is now canonically her defacto one again.

Even if we had it mentioned earlier last year and again in the best crossover event involving Cass...

WHICH WAS IN LAZARUS PLANET: DARK FATE #1. It gave us Alyssa Wong returning for a THIRD time to write Cass and they were joined by Haining on art which introduced us to the world of Xanthe.

That in itself led to a spinoff mini-series that had Cass in it with SPIRIT WORLD. It did more with the new character Xanthe and laid out their origins and powerset nicely while also laying some seeds for MAYBE future Cass stories.

Again, I feel like a repeating record on how GOOD this series was. Like, I can't wait for the trade next year to take it all in again. But besides the creative team delivering it gave us Dustin Nguyen AND Marcio Takara drawing Cass again OFFICIALLY AS BATGIRL!!

Even when this series ended, I STILL WANT MOAR!! Like what memories did Cass lose? What the heck happened with Spirit World twisting her memories of Batgirl Vol. 1 #72?! How will Xanthe be with the Jade Court?

SO MANY QUESTIONS!!

Something else that left me with MANY questions was DCeased universe as even though the story ended back in April.

I still crave more starring Cass, because let's face it STEPH/TALIA DESERVE CLOSURE!! Cass could be the gateway to that.

Doing so would tie up the final loose ends as well. Let's see how Rose is raising her kid with Jason. Silent Olsen. Harley/Ivy. Ollie/Dinah. Jim Gordon.

But I digress. It gives us more Cazzam. We need more Cazzam.

But an alternate universe Cass just didn't pop up there we had a Cass show up in various other comics. Knights of Steel which also had me hankering for MOAR and Harley Quinn & the Legion of Bats.

I know some didn't like it, but me? I think it was LEAPS and BOUNDS better than what we got in the actual season of HQ.

Let us never talk about that season again…

Now something we SHOULD talk about more is the first actual appearance of Cass in a DC ANIMATED MOVIE!! Yes, Kai Li Cain from Batman: The Doom that Came to Gotham.

I was blown away at the extended role they gave the character in the film (to the, "Oh right Tim is here and alive." role in the books).

Kai Li voiced perfectly by Tati Gabrielle gave a balance of innocence and reason with the batshit craziness this film throws at us.

Like, I really REALLY want a sequel. Just to see what she'd do now given full access to Bruce's fortune? Will she follow his path? I mean yeah we want steampunk Bat!

Speaking of which artists we need designs for this stat still!

It just adds that anchor where you want to see more of this universe and the characters that inhabit it. I mean that's the sign of a REALLY good Elseworlds. Where you want more and sometimes you get just that.

But with all this good came the sad, and that was the canceling of Batgirls. I know many were against the series (especially after #7-8), but the series found its footing with #9 and ran into something I hope more positively can be talked about it.

It's true failing wasn't the creators behind the series, more just elements outside that just slotted it's end (Batgirl movie getting canned making #7-8 more wasteful), Evil Oracle #4 aka the pitch, and just being something it couldn't be).

I'm grateful for each and every creator who worked on this book because it was a GIFT that I'll always be appreciative of.

I'll say it again, THANK YOU TO ALL! 🙏

And its spirit lived on in the Nightwing back up a few months ago. It was something that was TRULY needed after the garbage fire that was Gotham War. It gave us this Cass/Dick sibling stuff and GIVE ME MOAR!!!

Unlike the past where we'd be done, DC brought us back up giving us the current BIRDS OF PREY ongoing which has Cass in it.

Really the series is a revelation of giving us things I always wanted that I'd never thought we get. Cass with Dinah? CHECK.

Cass meeting Big Barda and the two having a bond? HELLS YEAH CHECK! Anytime that bond grows I squee even more.

Just give writer Kelly Thompson ALL the time and ideas she has to churn this out to the proper conclusion she has envisioned. Just give me fifty-plus issues of her, Leonardo Romero, and Jordie Bellaire.

Finally of course there was Batman: Wayne Family Adventures which gave us THREE banger Cass stories. One where she and Steph are a MENANCE (as they should), Cass scaring the crapbaskets out of EVERYONE and of course...

Season 2 gave us A LOT of things I wanted in general (her interacting with Damian) and just showing the world why I really really love this character. Why I talk about her daily.

Really as 2023 closes and 2024 is about to begin... Well, it's the character's TWENTIETH-FIFTH ANNIVERSARY. 25 years of kicking ass and ripping our hearts out.

It's been a journey for sure.

really REALLY hope DC honors this anniversary and continues to mend the bridges burned all those years ago.

Give us that Omnibus. Give us a mini or SOMETHING to celebrate this character. If not, I'll take whatever Ram V and Thompson give us.

#CAINAISSANCE2023 may be over, but #CAINAISSANCE2024 will be the most important year yet.

25 YEARS OF CASS!! LET THE CELEBRATION BEGIN ON JANUARY 1st!

#cassandra cain #dc comics #cainaissance2023 #my thoughts #CAINAISSANCE2024 v

[tetheredfeathers]

My favourite post Mockingjay fics

@notafraidtodissapear since you asked 💕

One shots

making a blank page bloom: drabble collection by songbirdheart

A writer I have discovered recently, I cannot emphasize how much I love her writing. If an angel could write it would be her. This fic is sweet and short. Katniss sings her poem to Peeta.

eden by songbirdheart

Another one by the same author. Can you tell how obsessed I am?!!? Dw you'll understand her genius when you read it. A poem about everlark growing back together.

What's In A Name? by Joshs_left_earlobe

Everlark's first fight, lots of fluff and angst.

Fighting the Rain by starsmahogany (Jodalyn)

Cute fluffy fic of Peeta taking care of Katniss after she comes homes soaked from the rain.

The Unexpected Message by Diana_Flynn

Years after the war has ended Katniss has a fight with Peeta, but she finds an a gift that changes her perspective.

Multi chapter fics.

Baby Steps by Ronja

Growing back together/pregnancy fic, goes back and forth between her pregnancy and their initial growing back post war. Delves into some of the political aspects of Panem, and Katniss and Peeta's involvement. Enjoyed reading this alot.

When the Red X is on the Door By: MADAM BETH

A growing back that fixates more on Peeta's episodes, very realistic and perfect characterization. Timeline goes back and forth from initial post war to their with children. Loved this, it's also 57 chapters so might as well think of it as the 4th missing book.

Growing New Wings By: SkyLark89

Very accurate to the book, I always come back to this fic after my rereads. They rewatch the games to help Peeta's memory and work on the book. Starts off after Peeta's arrival and ends with "real".

A Little Drop of Hope By: Chinchilla17

In Peeta's pov, most growing back fics are in Katniss' pov so it was quite interesting to be in Peeta's mind after the hijacking.

The List orphan_account by silvercistern

This one is a must read, I'm sure everyone has heard of this one. Like if Collins were to write another book it would be this one.

Back to Twelve igsygrace

Another popular one, by the same author who wrote Peeta's games. I don't even need to tell you how good this. I will admit though I had some mixed feelings about the ending, because the author makes them go through another war. I'm not really sure if it's war tbh, but someone is trying to overthrow the government typa shit..

I have a problem with canon divergence so I didn't read the final chapter. idk why canon divergence just feels so wrong to me. But if you do like canon divergence this one could be really good. Anyway it's only the last chapter that is like that, the rest are all regular growing back material.

Synchronicity by ashyblondwaves

A collection of one shots and stories examining Katniss and Peeta's relationship post-Mockingjay. Peeta's POV. Pretty long but I really liked it. There's something about the writing that drew me to it. The problem is I have read a lot of these along time ago so I can't remember the exacts reasons any of these fics stuck out to me, I just remember they did.

Worse Games to Play By: Belmione

How Katniss finally decides to have children. Read a long time ago, but it's really sweet.

#the hunger games #everlark #the hunger games katniss #the hunger games peeta #thg fanfiction #thglibrary masterlist #thg series #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #everlark fanfiction #fanfiction #ao3 writer #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #katniss x peeta #katniss and peeta #thg katniss #peeta supremacy #thg peeta #ao3fic #ao3 #ao3 link

[scribeofwinchesters]

Secrets and Lies: Chapter 11 - Rope

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 4,660

Summary: “You look at her like that again and I will make sure you die screaming."

Series Rating: Explicit/18+ TW: Rape/Non-con

Previous chapters: 

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Sevenandahalf Eight Nine Ten

A/N: Definitely recommend catching up or re-reading before this chapter since we have some callbacks to chapter 1 here. Thank you all for showing me so much support after being gone for so long <3 This might be my personal favorite chapter yet :) Most of it's been written for years but had lots of rewrites and edits as I worked through it and came back to it again and again during my hiatus, so if there's anything that doesn't connect or track, please DM me so I can fix it! I've reread it like eight times, though, so I think we're good... I hope you all like it and if my story makes you feel something, reblogs, comments, asks, etc are very welcome <3 as always, link to AO3 if you prefer.

Tag list: @lauraashley93 @stoneyggirl2 @tiggytaylor @park-simphwa

You yanked hard on the door and sure enough, the door drug across the jamb and you had to give it a second hard pull to get it fully open. As soon as it was free Dean was right there, gun pointed ahead of him as he let his eyes adjust before quickly clearing the area to the left and the right. Just as planned you were directly behind him, gripping your gun but keeping it pointed safely toward the ground. 

The interior was completely dark except for rows and columns of sporadically blinking green and orange lights to the left. As Dean stepped in, you followed, remaining so close to him that you could literally feel your breath warming his neck. Dean should’ve known better than to exaggerate when telling you to do something that you didn’t want to do. He took another careful step inside and reached along the wall for a light switch. 

As he did, there was suddenly a soft tumble of footsteps and Dean deftly reached behind him to grip your arm and pull you along with him as he ducked to the right, pressing you safely between him and the wall. 

The shadowy form of a person was visible somewhere ahead of Dean, outlined by the blinking lights. It was wielding some kind of weapon that you couldn't make out in the darkness until it glinted in the light and you could see the flash of a long, sharp point. The figure darted into the darkness and from somewhere across the room you heard a deep, stifled scream. 

Dean gripped his gun with both hands and aimed it at each corner of the room, hoping to catch sight of some kind of movement. 

You shifted your handgun to one hand and silently pulled your silver blade from its holster and gripped it tightly. You scrapped it along the wall, using it’s extra length to find your mark. After a short moment it caught on the switch and the room was flooded with a dull, fluorescent haze; the bulbs flickered and buzzed faintly before steadying on. 

Momentarily blinded by the sudden light, you narrowed your eyes and squinted as they adjusted.

You peeked around Dean as you sheathed your blade. Your stomach dropped. 

There, in the middle of the room, was Sam. He was tied up in a chair, ropes tight around his wrists and ankles and mouth. He’d been stripped down to nothing but his boxers and socks and there was blood splattered on the ground beneath him. Sam had a black eye and a horrific mixture of blood and sweat dripped from his forehead. He had a handful of cuts and gashes across his chest. He caught sight of you and your eyes locked together. The marble pinged against your insides again as you saw Sam’s bloodshot eyes glisten with tears. Your heart caught in your throat and you could feel yourself forgetting to breathe. 

Sam glanced to his left, drawing your eyes away from him.

You froze. 

Standing in the dark corner, just a few steps away from Sam, was the last thing you expected to see...

It was...

you? 

Not current you... but clean, moisturized, fresh-faced, hair-brushed-and-styled-with-the-perfect-flounce-you-could-never-quite-achieve-despite-many-frustrating-hours-spent-fussing-over-it… you.

It was fully dressed in clothes that looked like something you’d wear if you had time to put thought into your outfits, and to top it off, she was wearing Sam’s wellworn green jacket and a blue flannel and something about that made your stomach churn. It held a long, jagged blade comfortably in it’s outstretched arm as it grinned and you pulled yourself back behind Dean as you tried to catch your breath. 

“ ‘Bout time you guys joined the party,” it said cheerfully and took a careful step toward Sam. It was bizarre hearing your voice come from another person… thing… it. 

“That’s close enough,” Dean warned as he pointed his gun at the shifter. 

“Oh, Dean,” it said as it suddenly dropped and rolled skillfully behind Sam. Dean fired his gun at the movement but missed the target, leaving a small smoking circle in the machinery. You jerked at the sudden sound and took a moment before taking in a deep, stabalizing breath. 

“Come on, after the last few days, Dean, stuck at home with… me,” it smirked as it slowly crouched over Sam and held the jagged blade to Sam’s throat.  “The sad, pathetic thing you rescued from purgatory,” she mocked with an exaggerated pout. “Listening to her whining, holding her as she cried, falling asleep on the couch as you held her… we both know you were dying to put a bullet in both of your heads just to get the pathetic misery to end.” 

You studied the back of Dean’s head, imagining the furious expression flashing across his face.

The shifter pulled the edge of  it’s blade through Sam’s sweat-slicked hair, causing the tip to graze against his check and scalp, just light enough to not break the skin. Sam flinched reflexivly and squeezed his eyes shut. The shifter sneered at Dean for a moment before catching your eyes as you peaked over Dean’s shoulder. 

It smiled and narrowed its eyes at you as it licked it’s tongue across it’s teeth. “Looking a little rough there, sister. My brother got a few good hits in at least. Tell me, how far did he get before you noticed? One finger? Two? Balls deep?” It laughed. 

“Stop it,” Dean seethed. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” the shifter sneered as it pressed the blade ever so slightly against Sam’s throat, drawing beads of blood to the surface. Sam winced and you felt the rage building inside of you. It took every ounce of control you had to stay put. 

You locked eyes with Sam as tears spilled from his wide, horror-filled eyes. The throbbing ache in your cheek was a painful reminder of earlier that night and you watched as his eyes drifted over it. 

The shifter crouched down again and licked Sam’s ear while looking at you. “Am I doing it right?” it asked before brushing your… its fingers through Sam’s hair and jostling his head around simply for the sake of reminding you who was in charge. 

“That’s what you asked the first time you put Sammy’s cock in your mouth, isn’t it?” it drawled right into his ear, its eyes still locked on you. 

Your heart raced, and you squeezed your eyes shut as the throbbing ache in your cheek worsened from your rapid pulse. You rested a palm against Dean’s shoulder to steady yourself as you felt yourself losing balance. All you could think about was rage. But for Sam’s sake you couldn’t let its taunts get the better of you. That was easier said than done. 

“You look at her like that again and I will make sure you die screaming,” Dean bellowed as he stepped fully in front of you, blocking you completely from the shifters view and sadly, from Sam. “Your brother went quick. Couple silver bullets and he was down. When I’m done with you you’ll be begging for a bullet, do you hear me?” 

You heard a brief squelching sound and something heavy and wet spilled to the ground.

“I needed to catch up,” Sam sneered. 

But it wasn’t Sam. It was the shifter, transformed now, into Sam.

“Mmmm, that’s some sweet, sweet pain and guilt, Sammy,” the shifter hummed. “Delicious..."

It pressed the knife further into Sam’s neck. Sam grimaced as the blood dribbled down his neck. All you could hear was Sam grunting in pain. 

“Your gun,” it said.

Dean dropped the gun, letting it swing from his pointer finger as he spread his arms.

“Cut the crap. What do you want?” Dean asked.

“I told him not to go after you Winchester’s,” it spat. “But he insisted.”

“Refresh my memory, would ya? What did we do to you anyway? We haven’t hunted a shifter in years.” 

You could hear Sam breathing rapidly as he tried and failed to catch his breath. 

“Charisse.” 

Dean hesitated. “Who the fuck is Charisse,” he asked under his breath. 

“The witch… from the other day… my last hunt with Sam,” you whispered. 

Dean gave you a small nod without breaking eye contact with the shifter. 

“Since when do shifters and witches work together?” Dean asked. 

“Please, Dean… we both know you don’t care,” the shifter replied. 

Dean shrugged again. “Eh… normally you’d be right, I don’t really care what you monsters get up to when you’re not hurting people. But a witch and shifters working together? Well, that’s not something I’ve ever seen before.” 

“Charisse was like a mother to us,” the shifter said as he stood, still holding the blade to Sam’s throat. “She fed us and took care of us and gave us advice about moving through the world as monsters that people like us never get. And in return we helped her… well, pay the bills…,” 

“So you were thieves,” Dean said. 

You silently crouched and glanced around Dean, desperate for a view. You caught sight of the shifter standing above Sam. The grip on its blade had loosened as it spoke. The top of Sam’s head reached just beneath the neck of the shifter but in Sam’s frame, with his broad shoulders, there was a clear shot; a small shot, but a clear one. 

As you stood, hidden behind Dean, and his open jacket which added several inches to his frame, you took advantage of the cover to check that the safety on your gun was released. 

“Don’t move,” you whispered so that only Dean could hear you. 

“So mommy dearest bites the big one and your brother decides to get revenge,,” Dean vamped to keep the shifter distracted. “You both came to this town and got up to no good in order to draw out Sam. But brother got dead and now it all rests on your shoulders. Did I miss anything?” Dean asked, taunting the shifter. 

As he spoke you slowly, carefully and silently turned so that your back was to Dean’s and aimed your gun forward, ignoring the throbbing in your cheek. You were going to have to move quickly or the shifter would get the drop and… and… well, that didn’t matter because it wasn’t going to happen. Your took a deep, steadying breath. 

As the shifter began to reply you swiftly and carefully spun around on one foot, ready to aim your gun at the shifter’s head.

It looked and sounded every bit like Sam and if it weren’t for the fact that he was sitting right there that may have given you pause. You aimed and without a whisper of hesitation, fired off a single silver round into its head. It dropped the blade, sending it cascading across Sam’s front before clattering to the ground. The shifter stumbled backwards and Dean made a break for it, crossing the room in several long strides as you dropped your gun and sprinted to Sam.

Dean pinned the shifter down with his knee digging into its back as he pulled its arms behind its back and bound them tightly at the wrists. It was unnecessary, though, it was as dead as the one you’d left at the bunker.

“Nice shot,” Dean said as he examined the thing. For the second time in just a few hours Dean had to deal with the lifeless and bloodied body of his brother.

You stood over Sam and leaned over him, your fingers trembled with adrenaline as you fumbled with the knot on the rope between Sam’s lips.

“Y/n,” Sam whispered between his panicked breaths the second his mouth was free. You crouched down in front of him as you deftly cut the ropes off his wrists and ankles, hardly pulling your eyes away from his for more than half a second.

You looked him over as he stood carefully. In addition to the blackeye he was bruised on his thighs and abdomen and there were deep, red rashes around his wrists and ankles. Sam’s eyes hung on you but he wasn’t looking into your eyes. He was examining you, studying whatever it was that Dean saw in the car earlier that made him wince. 

Without even thinking, you found yourself pulling your silver blade from your boot. “I’m… I’m sorry,” you said. “But I have to.” 

He nodded and pulled his hand into a fist as he held his arm out. Sam watched your eyes as you swiped the blade across his arm, drawing out a thin trail of blood. He winced and inhaled sharply, all the while never peeling his eyes away from you. 

You let out the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. It was Sam. It was really Sam. You dropped your blade to the ground with a clatter.

While you wanted nothing more than to leap into his arms and wrap yourself around him, to cling to him, you were still unsure of everything. You stopped short of a hug and instead stood there like an idiot, frozen, as you stared up at him. You had to remind yourself to breathe, again. He stared down at you, holding your gaze now, before briefly glancing to the side of your face and back. 

Dean picked up your gun and blade before giving the room a quick once-over. The electronic components, flashing green and orange, were kept to one side, opposite of the desk.

Sam caught your eyes lingering on the pile of rope and the blood spatters around the chair and pulled you to him. You wrapped your arms around his waist and inhaled deeply as he rested his chin on the top of your head. “I’m okay,” he whispered. 

You felt your insides return as he held you. Your heart and lungs and thoughts all fell back into place, stopping the pinging marble in its tracks as the walls crumbled. The marble, with one last ping, lodged into your heart. You were whole again… mostly.

“God, Sam,” you said, fighting back your sobs. “I… I-” 

He brushed his hands over your hair and tenderly shushed you. “I’m here,” he said softly.

“Is it dead?” Sam asked Dean, his tone hard as he continued stroking his palms carefully over you. You caught Dean giving Sam a small, silent nod as you pulled away, ready to not spend another second in this place. Dean handed you your gun and knife which you quickly put away.

Dean stood to the side of the door, ushering you and Sam out before flipping the light switch and pushing the door shut behind him. 

 Dean lead you all back to the Impala, his eyes scanned the area like clockwork as you all made a beeline for the car. You climbed into the front seat, the safety of the Impala enveloping you as you finally relaxed and your shoulders dropped. Dean quickly looked around as Sam climbed in the back. Dean started up the engine, it’s gentle rumble surely waking at least one person in the nearby houses. 

In less than fifteen minutes Dean had you all back at the motel. 

“We’re not going back to the bunker?” Sam asked. 

Dean shook his head and glanced at Sam in the rearview mirror. “We need Cass to check the warding. It’s not safe.” 

Sam looked at you and then back at Dean. “The… the bunker?” 

Sam shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted to know more but the hesitation from you and Dean to say more made him scared to ask. He slowly opened his eyes and his gaze fell upon you and you could see in the rearview mirror the tears glistening in his eyes again. You had never seen him look so vulnerable: half-naked, no weapon, fighting back tears. You wanted to kill the shifter all over again. You bit at the inside of your lip, worried that it might start to dawn on him what had happened. It’s not that you didn’t want him to know. You just weren’t ready to deal with it. And as long as Sam didn’t know, you could almost pretend that it hadn’t happened. Almost.

Dean nodded curtly as he cut the engine and climbed out of the car. Sam’s eyes narrowed as he stared distantly ahead. 

“Stay here,” he said to Sam as you climbed out of the car, too. You raised an eyebrow to Dean. “I’ll be right back,” he added to Sam.

Dean, ever the over-protector, was now made even worse. He followed you to the door and once again, checked the entire place over. 

“Dean,” you sighed. 

“Not up for debate,” he said, repeating himself from earlier, his eyes still studying every inch of the room as he avoided your gaze.

“I’m not saying you can’t be protective but you’re not my security guard. There isn’t a monster in every closet,” you said. 

 His nostrils flared as he stood in the doorway, silent for a moment, before turning back to you. “What happened… tonight,” he inhaled deeply, “...will never happen again. I won’t let it,” he finished as he swallowed hard. “Not even for a single second will I let you go through something even remotely close to that ever again.” 

You stood there in the middle of the room, too shattered and exhausted to argue with him. This was exactly what you had been trying to avoid that night all that time ago when Cass manipulated Sam’s memory. 

“What are you gonna tell him?” you asked as you choked back your emotions. 

“Enough to catch him up,” Dean said as he turned away and headed back to the Impala.

He left the motel door open and climbed back into the Impala. Sam watched you from the backseat. You locked eyes for a brief second as Dean twisted to face Sam and rested his arm on the backseat. 

You stepped away from his line of sight, not prepared to handle what Sam’s reaction might be. As they talked, you kicked off your boots and jeans and slipped out of your flannel before climbing into the already unmade bed, leaving the fresh bed for Dean. You left half the bed for Sam, though you weren’t sure if he’d take it. Sure, he’d been emotional and comforted you, that still didn’t mean he’d forgiven you. 

You cozied up under the blankets and shut your eyes, desperate to fall asleep, though you weren’t sure what you’d find when you got there. More importantly, however, if you were asleep then you didn’t have to talk with Sam. You inhaled deeply as you nestled your face into the pillow. It smelled faintly like Sam and the longing for him slowly began building back up inside of you. You felt a single tear slip down, leaving a wet circle on the fabric. 

Dean’s booted stomps sounded as he crossed the threshold, followed by Sam’s silent, shoeless scuffles. You half wondered if he’d brought any other shoes with him but that was a problem for tomorrow. One of them flipped the lights off. Sam paused at the edge of the bed for a moment and you could hear him quietly breathing as he watched you. A beat passed before he continued to the bathroom and shut the door. Dean pulled the string on his bedside lamp, providing him with enough light so that he could walk about the room but not disturb you. Seconds later you heard the pipes squeak and water rushing as Sam turned on the shower. 

You carefully opened one eye just a sliver and watched as Dean grabbed the ice bucket from the dinette table and left, this time pulling the door quietly shut behind him. He returned moments later. You listened as the locks clicked and Dean slid the chain lock into place. He sat in the dinette chair and peeled open one of the empty plastic bucket liners. He scooped ice into it and tied a knot at the top, sealing it closed. The chair quietly scraped across the floor as he stood up and pushed it back. You could feel his presence looming over you, blocking out the light of his lamp on the other side of the room.

“I know you’re not asleep,” he whispered. 

You huffed and gently bit at your lip before opening your eyes. “What gave me away?” 

“Scooch,” he said. You turned carefully and painfully onto your back and pushed yourself back just enough for him to sit beside you on the bed.

As the adrenaline began to wear off, the pain of the near suffocation you'd endured back at the bunker was beginning to set in. Your chest ached deep down to the bottom of your lungs and you kept your breath short to avoid the sharp, stabbing pain that came when you inhaled too deeply.

Dean lifted the ice bag and slowly pressed the bag against the right side of your face, eliciting a hiss from you as it stung your tender skin. You reached up and placed your hand over Dean’s who pulled his away, letting you take over. You held it there as he watched you. 

“I’m gonna get the first aid kit,” he said as he stood back up.

“What for?” you asked. 

“Um, your face,” Dean said as he wrinkled his brows.

“Is it that bad?” you asked as he squatted down to pull it from one of the side pockets of his bag. 

“You haven’t looked?” he asked as he made his way back over to you and sat down. You shook your head slightly, the ice clinking along to each movement. He studied your expression before nodding. He kicked his boots off and leaned over. You let your hand fall as he pulled the ice bag back. 

“Can’t see,” he muttered as he reached over and pulled the string of your bedside lamp, illuminating your side of the room. He straightened up and zipped open the first aid kit to pull several items out. 

You glanced down and watched as Dean fussed over his tools. A little bottle of clear liquid caught your eye and inexplicably made your stomach drop.

“Not rubbing alcohol, Dean… please,” you said quietly, shocked at yourself as tears stung the corner of your eyes. You just couldn’t… hurt, anymore. Not tonight. You’d had enough.

“Don’t be a baby,” he said before catching your pained expression. “Sorry,” he whispered quickly. “It’s not alcohol,” he said, shaking the little bottle. “It’s like antiseptic or something.” He shrugged. 

You took a deep breath and looked away. Dean took that as his sign to continue. “Can you sit up a little?” he asked. 

You pushed yourself up and jutted your head forward. He held the washcloth beneath the cut. 

“Look up,” he said. You did as he asked. He squeezed the bottle’s liquid across your cheek, into your cut, cleansing it. The washcloth caught most of the runoff, but some did escape and run down your neck, slicking it. He pulled the washcloth away and refolded it to get to a dry edge and dabbed it gently along your check. You stared at a random spot on the wall as he worked. He returned the bottle to the pouch and pulled out an ointment tube which he squeezed onto a cotton swab and swiped it across your cut as gently as he could manage. 

“This is deep, y/n. I’m gonna have to stitch it in the morning,” he said as he pulled the wound tightly shut with two butterfly bandages. You grimaced at the thought.  

“Done,” he said with a gentle smile as he returned everything to the kit and zipped it up. 

The roar of the shower cut off and there was the familiar scrape of the shower hooks across the curtain rod as Sam exited the shower.

“Thanks,” you wheezed as you looked down and fiddled with your fingers. 

Dean cleared his throat. “Can I… do you need anything?” 

You shrugged as you locked eyes with him. “Water, I guess? And every breath hurts from when... And sleep, but… I’m also, I mean, I’m a little afraid… to sleep. Don’t know what I’ll…,” you trailed off. 

Dean glanced away and seemed to think for a moment. He left your side only to quickly return with the stainless steel water jug and a plastic cup from the motel. He filled it with water and handed it to you. As you sipped the water he returned to the first aid kit and pulled out a small plastic bag with two large white pills in it. Dean handed them to you and you let them roll over in your palm as you tried to guess what they were. 

“They’ll conk you out,” he explained. “And Sam and I will be right here the entire time. You don’t have to worry,” he assured you. 

“I never worry about that,” you said, giving him a lopsided smile. 

He frowned and took a deep breath. You wanted to tell him not to do that, that he had done everything he could and what happened wasn’t his fault, but you just didn’t have the energy. You swallowed the pills and finished the water. Dean refilled the cup and set it on the bedside table. You shifted onto your side, your injured cheek faced up, and got comfortable under the covers as Dean turned the lamp back off. He picked up the bag of ice and placed it gently back over your cheek. 

You were just beginning to drift off when you heard the bathroom door open followed by the quiet footsteps of Sam making his way to his bag to rummage for clean clothes. He returned moments later and climbed into bed beside you. It was quiet for a moment but you could feel his presence as he leaned over you, examining your face in the pale light.

“Did I miss anything?” he whispered to Dean.

“Just bandaged her up a little,” Dean whispered from his bed. “And gave her the good stuff to help her sleep.” 

“Maybe I should go to a pharmacy and get some real ice packs,” Sam thought aloud. 

“It’s four in the morning. There’s nothing open for over a hundred miles,” Dean reminded him. 

“I’m sure I could break into a doctor's office or something in this Podunk town,” Sam said. The bed creaked as he leaned back against his pillow. 

“Okay, simmer down, John Dillinger,” Dean teased. “It wouldn’t make enough of a difference to be worth it. Gonna have to stitch it up in the morning regardless. What about you? You good?"

"Yeah," Sam whispered. "Nothing deeper than surface level."

You wanted to move, to curve to Sam, or ask him to hold you, but the drugs Dean gave you were strong and were quickly taking over every muscle in your body, including your tongue and lips, and thankfully your aching lungs.

“Get some sleep, Sammy,” Dean whispered. Dean’s bed creaked and you slipped your eyes open a crack to see him turning onto his side, squeezing his pillow against his face. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of his jeans and flannel. You couldn’t see it but knowing Dean the hand under his pillow was resting over his Colt. He reached over and turned off the bedside lamp. 

Sam leaned over in the darkness and pressed his lips gently to your temple. You sighed as you fought tooth and nail against the drugs for more seconds with Sam, scared that in the morning, or when you were better, Sam would be gone again. Your body was so heavy you felt like you were going to sink into the mattress.

He pushed toward you, pressing his body carefully against yours and found your hand. He grasped it in his and with everything you had left, before giving into the heaviness and slipping under, you squeezed it, desperate to let him know you were there and aware and so grateful for every moment with him. He laced his fingers with yours and pulled your hand along with his to your heart, wrapping you in him like you were a gift and he was the bow. 

The message had been received. 

EDIT: Chapter 12

#supernatural fan fiction #reader insert #sam winchester x reader #supernatural fanfiction #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #spn fanfic #sam x you #sam winchester/reader #sam/you #sam x reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester/you #sam winchester #sam angst #angst #supernatural fandom #supernatural family #supernatural imagine #spnfamily #scribeofwinchesters

[foundfamilynonsense]

Rereading Rick Riordan books bc hey the tv shows coming out soon and I have questions about what Camp Jupiter was like before the titan war.

Like. I’m gonna go on a limb and say they did not have access to the Big Three prophecy about Percy. Because… it was about Percy. And if the Romans also had access to the prophecy Jason would have been haunted by it growing up, but he never mentions it in the books.

Not to mention the smaller reasons. Like… Camp Jupiter doesn’t have an oracle. Major prophecies are found in ancient texts. And since this prophecy was made at the end of WWII idk how the Roman’s would know about it. And the fact that Zeus/Poseidon/Hades aren’t really considered the “big three” in Roman mythology. I mean they are technically, but Neptune isn’t really a big deal at all and Pluto got a downgrade. #1 is Jupiter and then #2 is Mars. So the prophecy doesn’t really make sense for them anyway

But like. If there’s no prophecy, that raises different questions.

Jason is the only Roman son of Jupiter born since WWII. But before WWII Jupiter/Zeus was as Horny as he was in the myths (I’m assuming). So it suddenly goes from dozens of children of Jupiter every ten years or so to fucking zero? And then one turns up suddenly? Same with Neptune and Pluto, honestly. All of a sudden, bam, no more children.

And it’s not like we can say “well maybe the Roman versions of the big three weren’t held to the oath” bc we know Jason is the only son of Jupiter for a while bc he says it. And Hazel was born before the pact was made and brought back to life bc, plot-wise, she couldn’t have been born during the pact, hades/Pluto was the only one to keep the oath.

And you can’t even say they knew about the oath just not the prophecy, bc no one brings up said oath to Hazel or Percy when they show up randomly. They’re not suddenly worried about gods breaking promises.

So what was going through the Roman’s heads? Jason says a lot about being held to a high standard bc he was a child of Jupiter but I think that’s an understatement.

Imagine the camp goes 5-6 decades without a single child of Jupiter. No one knows why, bc Jupiter’s a bit of a slut and that’s really not like him. And then all of a sudden this feral two year old shows up. And he’s a son of Jupiter. And… that’s it. No explanations, no prophecies, nothing?

“Ok Romans. You thought no children of Jupiter was ominous? Well here is exactly one child of Jupiter all of a sudden. He is also two years old but Lupa expects him to be recruited immediately. Good luck.”

I mean seriously that kid must have been an urban legend.

At least with Percy everyone knew why Poseidon hadn’t had any kids in the last 5 decades. Even if Percy was technically some terrible omen of bad things coming towards Olympus at least the Greeks knew what to do with him. The Romans were lucky Jason is an all American boy who worked his way up the ranks. If he had been like Percy he’d have easily become an eldritch horror by the age of four.

#percy jackson #pjo #jason grace #rick riordan

[frodo-with-glasses]

25 Questions with Phil Dragash: YES, SERIOUSLY!

So y'all know how I was reviewing Phil Dragash's audiobook of LotR last year, but kinda fell off somewhere in the middle of Rohan?? Well, guess what! A couple weeks ago, I received a tumblr message from the man himself, saying he'd read through all my reviews, had really enjoyed the little blast from the past, and was open to answering questions if I had any!

So of course, I had LOTS of questions.

The first one being: "Are you actually the real Phil Dragash??"

But I'm delighted to say that after exchanging emails with the work email listed on his website, I can confidently say that it is the real dude, and I've had a blast chatting with him! So for those of you who urged I listen to this audiobook—especially @laurelindorenan for her glowing recommendation—and for everyone else who likes the audiobook and/or enjoyed my reviews: I am delighted to present, ladies and gentlehobbits, this peek behind the curtain!

But of course I'm putting it all below the cut, because this man rambles like I do 🤣

Obligatory disclaimer: All opinions presented by Mr. Dragash are his own, I am not necessarily condoning any of them; please do not come after me for his opinions regarding pineapple on pizza.

25 QUESTIONS, LET'S GO!

1. Tell me how you got into Lord of the Rings!

I was ten years old when my dad took me to the library, and found a VHS copy of Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated Lord of the Rings film. I was already a fan of the “Chronicles of Narnia” and my dad just handed the tape to me and said “Look, C.S. Lewis’s friend made this”. I watched it, and had no idea what was going on. It was so hard to understand.

Fast forward to the year 2002 when “Fellowship” was out on DVD, and we had a movie night at my older cousin’s place, and watched the film for the first time. My 13 year old self was enraptured by it. Dad bought the DVD first thing the next day, and I’ve been a fan ever since! I, my brother, and our dad watched “Return of the King” in theaters four times, which was saying something, considering we only ever saw a movie once in cinemas. Between “The Return of the King” opening in December ‘03, I picked up the books and read (as well as I could) through them. A lot of friends kept joking “tell us how the damn story ends!”, good times.

2. When and how did you decide to make this audiobook? What’s the story behind the entire project? 

I was a very ambitious lad, and my first and biggest interest was filmmaking. I used to direct short films with my friends ever since my 11th birthday, and was the youngest in class at the filmschool I attended a few years later. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I had massive ambitions to direct “the Hobbit”, which is silly in retrospect considering I was 16 years old at the time. I even sent my portfolio and DVDs of my films to Peter Jackson’s manager (who actually got back to me with a wonderful response, despite not being able to accept my ‘completely reasonable’ offer) When I was heartbroken and torn to pieces knowing I wouldn’t be directing the movie, a few more years went by, and I decided to reread some chapters of the “Lord of the Rings” books. I remember really well that this was late at night, laying in bed, and going through “King of the Golden Hall” and seeing how close to the movies it was, but also far more expanded. I thought “my extensive home-made short movies experience with sound design and sound mixing could work here, and I could just read a few chapters and try to make the soundscape as realistic as possible. Why not try it?” 

So, the next day I tried. The first two chapters I tried were “King of the Golden Hall” and “A Journey in the Dark” (which partly answers your other question about that chapter). I was so absolutely surprised by how well it was going, that I decided to upload them onto YouTube in March 2010 I think. I got a fairly good response, and I was planning on doing a few more random chapters. I never intended to do the whole thing. But this one comment on YouTube I’ll always remember, it said: “I think you should go from start to finish, because you’ll probably get used to the characters and sounds and people can also follow along in the story gradually”.

Taking that suggestion to heart, in August 2010 I went from Chapter 1 onward. 

3. Were you inspired by any other audiobook versions of LotR (such as the BBC radio drama)?

I was not, I actually haven’t listened to the BBC Radio drama until far ahead into the project I was doing. I did some research on what other audio productions anyone did with LOTR, from The Mind’s Eye edition, to the ‘60s Hobbit Radio Play; so I felt pretty confident. I just fell in love with the way the films brought Middle-Earth to life and seeing their incredible dedication for authenticity (from the props department, to the music), you really couldn’t do any better than that visually or audibly - at least in my opinion. I just wanted to hear Tolkien’s text but with the realisation of the films. 

However, if you listen to Chapter 1 of TTT, and hear how Legolas laments their absence from not being there to help Boromir at Amon Hen, you can clearly hear the inflection from the BBC Radio play’s version. I just lifted that because I thought it was a fantastic way to deliver the line.

4. Did you have any rituals for “getting into character” before recording?

If I were to show you the raw unedited recording sessions, you’d probably be surprised at how underdeveloped it is! I had no real rituals or warmups, I just went for it. Usually went in cold, and tried reading the entire chapter and doing all the voices at once. Then I’d be exhausted, and afterwards start cutting all the mistakes, and separating each character into different tracks – and then re-recording 50%-70% of it, as I was laying in the sounds. 

I think any character just needs a few words for me to say in their voice, and that helps for the rest of their dialogue. For Aragorn it was usually: “You cannot wield it! None of us can.” for Pippin it was: “Sometimes”, just random things that make things ‘click’ in my head. If I got lost or didn’t feel like the performances were working, I’d simply just watch scenes from the films to hear the real actors again!

5. Who was your favorite character to voice? Who was your least favorite? And why?

People who know me, know I love doing the villains. Sauron, the orcs, the Nazgûl, etc. I just love the idea of personifying things that scare you. Something completely the opposite of who you are. Always a fun time! Any character I can nail extremely accurately always makes me happy, but I’m always very critical of my own work, so it’s a rare thing.

My least favorite characters to voice are: Imrahil, Denethor, Arwen, Celeborn, Galadriel, Erestor, Lindir, Haldir, Goldberry, Gildor… I think the pattern is pretty obvious if you realize that I am incapable of providing a satisfactory voice that feels unique enough. They just sound to me like “I wish I had a broader range. They weren’t done justice.” I have feelings for most of the characters in this situation, but I’m a mere mortal. I can’t do all of them as well as I wish I could. I wish Aragorn was more like Viggo Mortensen’s voice (I tried with the nasally yells you mentioned!), I wish Gandalf had a richer tone, I wish Saruman sounded more majestic, and I wish Frodo was - in retrospect- more older sounding, too. There’s so much I wish I could do better, but to hell with it, I tried.

Fun fact: my least-favorite to voice are also Orcs because they destroy my throat after a while. Which is ironic, because of my first statement.

6. I noticed that you gave the men of Rohan and Gondor slightly different dialects! Are you pulling from any real-world accents to make that happen?

I did try to listen to Anglo-Saxon, and ancient norse but I just tried to make Rohan and Gondor slightly distinct in any way I could. I never really tried to make things too obvious, but admittedly, I think I just used my intuition (smoothing the R’s for the Rohirrim, making the Gondorians more ‘proper’, etc.). I do want to emphasize that this was a one-person project and keeping things together or consistent is definitely an extraneous exercise when you’re just trying to get something finished by yourself! 

7. Some characters (like Beregond and Quickbeam, to name a couple of my favorites) aren’t in the movies, so they don’t have an actor for you to imitate. How did you decide what they would sound like?

Well, in the case of Beregond, I realized he was just “your ordinary guy”, and seeing Minas Tirith through his eyes (and Pippin’s)  is such an amazing and interesting opportunity. It made the city feel so real, and I wanted to take advantage of that. I think I started with a ‘generic’ voice, but when I re-recorded him knowing more and more of the context and what he was saying to Pippin, and as a result who he is, made me adjust what I felt were more his personality. But still that ‘ordinary guy’ idea was the bedrock, and it’s been years since I heard that chapter, but I hope it holds up! (I just remembered Bergil is in that too, another voice I wish I could have done better) 

Another fun fact: when Pippin scares the kids in Minas Tirith, the audio was from something I videotaped when I was 10 years old with my friends, it had the perfect “kids-going-aaah!” sound.

If I had it my way, I’d have a cast of dozens in this Audiobook, so a lot of times I never felt like my voice was enough to truly capture the “We’re in Middle-Earth, we just have microphones to record it” idea. So I have to make compromises since I was the only one doing the voices. That being said, Quickbeam was a fun surprise because he felt like, as you said “young treebeard”, and these things just worked out through experimentation! I think Quickbeam turned out pretty nice. I like Quickbeam.

8. HOW—I ask with great enthusiasm—DID YOU DO TREEBEARD’S VOICE? How did you get that resonance and woody sound? Did you send your voice through a wooden box and re-record it on the other side like they did in the movies?

It’s really great that you know all the behind the scenes stories from the films! Especially what Ethan Van der Ryn, David Farmer, and the late Michael Hopkins have done with their incredible creativity. I had no such resources to produce Treebeard’s sound. What I did was a digital facsimile: a special ‘room’ reverb, with some other equalizing effects to boost the bass and (maybe, I can’t remember) another higher pitched track of the same voice faintly in there. 

You won’t believe this, but I was not going to do The Two Towers audiobook unless I could do a good Treebeard voice. In 2011 after finishing “Fellowship”, I was on the fence about continuing, and only committed once I knew I could do Treebeard right. Treebeard was the key to all this. This should come to no surprise to the ones who played the game, but I used a lot of sound effects from ‘Battle for Middle-Earth’ which contained a lot of clean sounds for ents, trolls, the balrog, the ringwraiths, and other monsters from the films. I used the ent’s footsteps from the games, and recorded my own foley for some of the trees snapping and leaves rustling as well. The “fart” sounds were the low creaking of tree branches, and - as they stated in the making-of for the films - very pitched down cow moos. 

9. Tell me about the foley work! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been that nerd who watched the Behind The Scenes featurettes for fun, so I’m very interested to hear how you made the sound effects for footsteps and whistling arrows and jangling horse harnesses and such. 

I’m glad you are! I’ve collected sound libraries (ripped from video games, and finding and buying sound packs) for a literal decade, because I always needed sounds for the short films I made when I was younger. I just kept learning about how to mix sounds together, and it’s very creative and very enjoyable! That being said, the foley work itself is mostly recorded by me. If I can’t find a sound in the library I have, I will record it. Clothing rustles, and touch are all recorded while I listen to the audiobook playback and ‘perform’ each character. It’s a really arduous process, but I think it adds so much life into the sound. 

I went out into the woods (or backyard) with my mic to record footsteps, sometimes I would listen to the audiobook with headphones while performing the footsteps. When I would have traveled somewhere with different terrain I would be sure to record more foley (rocks being moved, or pebbles being stepped on) knowing I’ll use it for certain chapters. I do not want to reveal a huge secret about the predominant foley for the character's clothes, but an old backpack I used were 90% of the characters’ ‘movements’. Some wingflaps of the fell beasts were just my jeans. It’s a really creative process trying to find things that ‘sound’ right for an environment or action. The magic is putting them all together and hearing the result. Also, yes Sam’s pan is my grandma’s frying pan, and I know it’s sometimes annoying, but - look - Sam has a lot of stuff to carry.

I start with the background sounds (wind, tree rustles, water if there is any, etc.) lots of layers of them just to make them sound unique and not the same. Then I move to selective and nearer environmental background sounds. Then, the ‘hero’ sounds, the effects that are integral to the story (if it’s sword clashes, or an explosion, or who knows what), and finally the foley (footsteps, clothing rustles, breaths, etc.) - I had a friend record her own horses breathing and moving for a lot of closeups of the horses in the audiobooks. I think even if you can’t really hear some of their low breaths, their presence is still ‘there’. I personally think I got a lot better by the end of LOTR than when I started! 

I wanted to add, the sounds for little Elanor in the very last scene of “The Return of the King” (the baby sounds), I was not happy with the stock baby sounds I had, and asked my older cousin (an audio person too!) to send me recordings he made of his then-1-year-old daughter in a studio. So, my first-cousin-once-removed is Elanor! She’s 22 now. I feel old.

10. Do you have a favorite sound effect from this project? Mine is the “pat-pat” against cloth that’s used to denote a hug.

Absolutely, do you remember the two “watchers” before the tower of Cirith Ungol? The vulture-like statues that block the hobbit’s path out? The alarm sound is a wholly original sound design I did, and I’m really happy with it. It’s just ugly sounding, and that’s the point. I always wished I had more Nazgul, and I think the worst moments I had with mixing were the battle scenes. There’s just too much to handle and make it sound good. But I really tried.

I’m very glad you heard the ‘pat-pat’s. I try my best to perform every character when recording foley, and want even some of the sounds to convey something in the telling of the story.

11. What's the thought process behind your use of the various musical motifs from Howard Shore's score? (Read: Why do you use the Shire theme so often, and why does it get me in the heart every single time?)

I want everyone to know that this is a really important and valuable question, and one I never really get to talk about: To me, Howard Shore’s music is one of the very best things to come out of the films. He truly made an opera out of the story, and all his leitmotifs and orchestrations are a stroke of genius. They work on their own, and when reading the books as well, and as a nerd for films and all that stuff, I wanted to put a lot of care into how I’m placing the score, and for what scene, emotionally and leitmotivically, if that’s a word.

The Audiobook I did is obviously a ‘standing on the shoulders of giants’ situation, so I can’t credit myself for the majority of the Audiobook I did, but I wanted to use all my filmmaking intuition to properly use the music to enhance the telling of the story. So, just like the filmmakers had to change and mix lines from the book, or make changes to make it work as a film, I felt like a lot of instances happened with the music for the audiobook. Obviously, I used the score when applicable to the intended scenes, but there are very often cases where they won’t work. I read as much as I could in the past about what the motifs were and where Shore used them in the movies, so I followed that trajectory for the most part. Gondor is Gondor, Rohan is Rohan, Mordor is Mordor, etc. 

Changes happen when I feel the emotions for a scene in the books do not match up to the ones in the films, and then there are brand new scenes and characters not in the movies at all, that I have to figure out! Take the pause from music between Gandalf falling into the chasm with the Balrog, and the fellowship successfully escaping. It’s perfect in the film, but I knew I couldn’t put the lamenting heartbreaking music in there yet, since the descriptions all drive the idea that escape is paramount. So I treated it as a ‘shock’ moment. No music until they’re completely out of the mountain, then the grief comes in. Things like that, a lot of fun creative thinking to get those emotions working!

I recall you mentioning the ‘Gimli / Legolas drinking game’ statement and how I used the hell out of it throughout the Audiobook, which is a good example. I pitched it up and down, for different moments, and it just has that hobbit mundane and jolly quality to it. So, in it goes to fill moments from the books. 

I also edited and modified existing motifs for completely different scenes and ideas. One of my favorites is when Treebeard talks about the Entwives. I needed this melancholy yearning sound that was really essential, and found it by reversing Eowyn’s theme, and pitching it down so the violin sounds like a cello/bass. To me it just felt extremely appropriate for the sound of a long-lost relationship while portraying a larger-than-life creature. 

Let’s also say Bombadil. I made up the idea that the last statement in the credits for “Return of the King”, was Bombadil’s theme. It’s actually just a reference to Der Ring des Nibelungen by Wagner, a very verbose beautiful crescendo, but I thought “I’ll pretend like it’s Bombadil, he’s last in the score even though he’s the first in Arda”. So I used that musical progression in his songs, that’s his leitmotif now (to me, anyway) He sings in that wavy up-and-down melody. Which is why you hear a lot of that in those chapters.

I also try to use recordings not from the original score: I looked far and wide for alternative recordings, predominantly the album by the Royal Prague Philharmonic, and the “LOTR Symphony”, just to make the Audiobooks feel different. I pitched down and moved and reassembled a lot of different cues for different scenes as well.

There are not a lot of instances of music from other movies, however, they do exist! I used music from “Battle for Middle-Earth”, the game “War in the North”, and for the last few chapters, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” since it just came out at the time. I used a lot of music from Howard Shore’s “Seven” and “The Game” during Shelob (I think), and for the Barrow-Downs. I used a tiny bit of underscore from the brilliant Don Davis’s “The Matrix Reloaded”, it had a really eerie choir which made me feel like it would be perfect for the fatigue and dizzying unreality of Mordor when Sam and Frodo were on their last leg, trying to get to Mt. Doom. Lastly, I used a little bit of music from Howard Shore’s “Twilight: Eclipse” for some dialogue scenes during Return of the King! And music from the independent film “Mongol” by Tuomas Kantelinen for the Woses when Theoden has to get help from Ghan-Buri-Ghan. Also the ending of ROTK has a few cues from “The Lord of the Rings musical”, lovely stuff.

It may surprise you that there is a small amount of score I actually ‘wrote’ with help from my brother (he’s a musician). It’s in the coronation of Elessar. It’s not very good but I needed something. There is also a cello version of “to the edge of night”, which I kindly asked permission to use by YouTube celloist, but I sadly don't think that video is up anymore.

Lastly, I use the Shire music so much because - just like Howard Shore said - it becomes a ‘hymn’ or an ‘anthem’ for the hobbits as they leave their comforts behind and are in a wide and unfamiliar world. Every little bit that reminds them of home, or relates to each of them, usually deserves a little ‘shire’ statement here and there. I feel if it’s in the characters’ hearts and minds, it has to be expressed in the music!

12. Out of all the chapters I’ve listened to so far on the Internet Archive, “A Journey in the Dark” is the one most plagued with editing issues; Sam’s temper tantrum over leaving Bill the Pony is cut out entirely. Which is a shame, because I was really looking forward to hearing your take on that. (Is it strange to say that I wanted to hear you break down into blubbering tears? Probably. Let’s ignore that and move on.) Is there any chance that you have a cleaner edit of that chapter somewhere?

I think you’ll be very unsurprised to know that “A Journey in the Dark” is the first chapter I ever recorded. I think you’ll also need to know that I did FOTR when I was 21 years old, and my grasp on doing better sound mixing or even getting the characters right was still a work in progress. I learned so much going chapter-by-chapter and felt that each succeeding one improves from the former. As a demo-run, I did “King of the Golden Hall '' and “Journey in the Dark” in early 2010 (in fact, I did only the first half of “JITD” back then. Stopping right after they are barred inside the mines, as the Watcher destroys the gate. I did the second half once I caught up with the story going chapter-by-chapter.)

There are so many issues with it, and I haven’t listened to it since. If you have headphones you’ll also notice that none of the voices really pan from left to right, or feel like they’re ever anywhere else except the dead-center. I was lazy back then. 

When I read the chapters, at the time, I was sharing an ‘office room’ with my younger brother, and as a teenaged younger brother does - continues strumming his guitar no matter what the other brother is doing. It was really fun, and funny and I was extremely sloppy with editing things out, and taking it too seriously. So, for sure you can hear ‘someone’ in the background during the early parts of FOTR, and I was too lazy to re-record or edit out the noises that weren’t supposed to be there.

Forgive me if this part is a lot longer, but now that you mention it, I want to get on my soap-box and rant about how many things I agree with about the Audiobook’s shortcomings and how many things have changed since the wee days of 2010: 

I didn’t really get a grasp on the characters, and I had no idea I was going to do the entire book. I did not take enough care with sound mixing (it’s a highly technical and rigorous practice, I’ve discovered. Even now, ten plus years later - it’s too technical for me to fully understand yet), and I did not thoroughly re-listen to the chapter when I was done with an edit or a sound-effects pass. Therefore there’s always been mistakes still in there, and just unpleasantly careless placement of sounds and music. I have often thought about re-recording it to get it up to scratch, but it’s been over a decade and I haven’t properly preserved all the sound stems without having to re-sound-mix the whole chapter again, and there is that little thing called ‘burnout’ which is hard to ignore. So, I apologize to everyone who has to suffer through that huge drop in quality with “A Journey in the Dark”. It quite literally was my first attempt, and it definitely shows. 

The good news is that a fan asked me the same thing about the missing piece in that chapter (the one you mentioned! With Sam and Bill!), and I’ve heard the same comments about it throughout the years. Why is it missing? I don’t know why! I recorded it, but in my loose run-and-gun past when I was a wee lad, I was careless, and just had the mp3 with that part missing. A rendering error, perhaps! Stupid 21 year old Phil just hodgepoging everything.

A Few months ago, I did get another email about that missing piece. I thought “okay, once and for all, I’m going to find that missing part.” - and I searched my old harddrives for some kind of archival copy with that part in it. Amazingly, it was a lot harder to find than I thought. Every rendered version of JITD either stopped right before that scene, or had it omitted. I actually found one half of it as a ‘demo’ piece I rendered years ago for a ‘sound trailer’, and then I finally found the original YouTube video I made - which had it intact! Now the hardest part was stitching it together with the rest. Took longer than I thought, but I finally amended this horrible incompetence. And yes, I will share the link to you! And be prepared to be disappointed at the 2010-era quality!

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but with the mp3s circling around, I have taken the liberty of re-recording and re-working some chapters from their original versions. I try my best to preserve the originals, but I also wish people to listen to the re-records. I have actually re-recorded and re-mastered “A Long-Expected Party” three times. 2011, 2013, and 2014. I re-recorded “King of the Golden Hall” in 2013, and “Shadow of the Past” in 2014. I usually try labelling the dates on the mp3 files themselves. The one I’m most proud of re-recording bits of, is “The Pyre of Denethor” as the first time I had Denethor say his last words he was mildly raising his voice, but I listened to it again one day and went “this man should be at the edge of sanity.” - so he absolutely yells now, and it’s such a night-and-day comparison.

Another addendum: I completely understand the complaints about ‘the sound/music drowning out the dialogue’. It’s been the #1 complaint over the decade. I completely understand. I never had professional sound mixing gear, nor did I have proper mixing headphones or speakers or a proper studio (most of the audiobook was recorded at my grandmother’s house!). The balance of the audio making it sound immersive, (like you are there!) and having clear dialogue to hear is - like I said - an extremely technical and complex process that I’ve never had the ability or tech to master. Let alone for a book that’s 48 hours long, and has so much sound and music to it. Nothing would bring me more joy than to work with an experienced sound mixer, and find all my audio stems, and for us to work together to clear up any and all issues. But as this project was a simple fan-made work, and I haven’t distributed it myself for a decade, who knows?

This is also why I never went on to do “The Hobbit”. Burnout is real, and I’ve never recovered from LOTR. The burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

13. What was your favorite scene to record and mix?

Mount Doom. Can’t get better than trying to make the climax as horrible and eucatastrophic as that. It all led up to this, and it was such a rush to work on. I remember how I was at the edge of my seat watching ROTK in cinemas for the first time, and how amazingly they pulled it off, and I wanted to definitely imitate that, but using Tolkien’s own writing. Just so cool.

I have two favorite chapters: The first one is “The Scouring of the Shire”. I remember well, when I was working on it, I realized this has never been ‘dramatized’ before. At least not in full. I felt so special being the first one (probably) to do it. I could imagine the entire chapter in my head like a film, and I could bring it to life with very little outside influence. Such a poignant and shocking chapter. 

I don’t think I would have done it as well without the experience I gained doing the rest of the Audiobook. Showing the strength of the four hobbits, portraying the dignity and resolve of their kind, giving that pathetic yet dangerous authenticity to Sharkey, and the ruffians, illustrating the battle of bywater with sound… this was done in 2013, so we all were able to listen to new music by Howard Shore (for The Hobbit), and I would be able to transpose motifs from that, into “Scouring”, and honestly I wouldn’t know how it would have worked out if the Hobbit films didn’t come out just at the right time. I think the score fits so well with the events of “Scouring”, there is a ‘mordor’ theme but it feels ‘unfinished’, like the remnant of an old defeated foe; there’s that wily progression for Radagast in the films, that I used for the hobbit’s rebellion and the conflict, and there’s a new ‘hobbit/shire’ motif that worked so perfectly for a ‘wounded, but recovering’ Shire. I feel so silly talking about decisions I made for this, but I always wanted to share some thoughts I had! 

Fun fact: I had a wonderful person ask if she would be able to play Rosie Cotton back in 2013, and I asked her to perform her lines. She was great, but I realized a very strange thing: when I put her in the audio mix, it would actually break the immersion, because you can hear a voice that wasn’t mine, and as a result - I couldn’t help but keep thinking - my voice for Rosie’s mother sounded like a Monty Python skit in comparison! And thus her lines had to be unused. It kind of just opened the fourth wall, breaking the illusion. Which is a shame, because I always dream of having a fully-cast LOTR Audiobook, maybe someday officially.

The other favorite is “The Tower of Cirith Ungol” just because I listened to it one day in 2014, and heard no errors. I was so proud. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to change substantially. No one dislikes all the errors more than I do!

14. What’s your best memory from this entire project?

My late dad drove me and my brother out into a clearing at midnight in the forest. The sky was so clear and starry. And we were here simply to just yell at the top of our lungs to record material for “Helm’s Deep”. All the clear yells: “Elendil!!!” “Gúthwinë! Gúthwinë For the Mark!”etc. Etc. - I lost my voice, it was a fun time. He held the microphone for me as I splashed around a stream (for Gollum), once again at midnight since there were fewer background sounds.

I also tell this story a lot: A friend of mine who was listening to the chapters as I finished them - she hated the sound of knuckles cracking. And hated spiders. So, obviously, Shelob would have to have knuckle-cracking sounds for her limbs. So I recorded my own knuckles cracking and tried using it as much as I could for Shelob’s legs moving about. My friend was soooo ecstatic to know this fact.

15. If you could do it all again today, what would you change?

I would consider doing a ground-up re-recording of everything. With a budget, with a cast, with a lot more understanding of the story and intentions behind them. With VR sound options. With extra original music. That’s the dream. 

If we’re back to reality, I guess I’d just re-record a bunch of chapters since they could always be better, and tighten all the technical errors. But that would require a lot of assembling of the raw archived files, and re-building of sounds, and re-recording of lines. Also, as I stated before, I do not want to distribute my unofficial fan work just because I know that it’s a copyright nightmare. And burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

I like taking other people’s opinions to heart, such as the issues with Frodo’s youth or inflections and intonations for certain scenes that I didn’t quite fully grasp the first time. I would love to adjust things and make it closer to the book now.

- - - - -

And now! The Silly Questions Lightning Round!

(With thoughts from Lady Glasses in parentheses and italics!)

1. In Fellowship, long stretches of dialogue would often have someone randomly cough in the background. Tell me about the Cough. Why is the Cough there?

No one hates the coughs more than me. That’s either my brother minding his own business in the other end of our ‘office room’. I think you now know I was 21, I didn’t care, so these things are just left in because I was careless. However, sometimes there are intentional coughs to make it feel more realistic. It’s been years since I listened to it, so unless I somehow do a massive commentary stream someday (thinking about it), your guess will be as good as mine! The coughs heavily subsided once I did Two Towers, since I was by myself.

2. During the dinner scene with Farmer Cotton, someone burps. Who was that?

Mine. I have no regrets with that one. Or Pippin. I guess it could be Pippin.

(Darn! And here I thought it was Farmer Cotton, LOL)

3. How did you manage to make Bill Ferny’s voice so perfectly obnoxious?

I imagined Bill as an obnoxious guy. The image in my head gives me a good idea of what he’d sound like, and I’m so glad he’s so obnoxious that you had to mention it.

(He sounds perfectly punchable. Thanks, I hate it.)

4. Did you crack yourself up at any point in the recording?

Oh yes, in fact I have a whole outtake reel just for you!

(Warning to anyone who clicks the link: the April Fool's audio had me ON THE FLOOR)

5. Voice acting aside, who is your favorite character in LotR and why?

If you asked me in 2002 it would be the Balrog, if you asked me now it would be difficult because so many of them mean so much to me, and each of their aspects have something to aspire to. Gandalf, Aragorn, Sam, Frodo, Galadriel, the list goes on and on.

(That's beautiful, and so true. The story really grows with us, doesn't it?)

6. What’s your favorite color?

Blue. Always has been.

(Blue is a good color! 💙)

7. Political question: Pineapples on pizza, yes or no?

Yes, I still don’t get what the fuss is about

(Oooh, controversial)

8. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

No, it’s a hotdog!

(Counterpoint: A hotdog is a taco.)

9. What’s your opinion on geese?

They’re racist

(Racist against the entire human race, apparently)

10. How much would I have to pay you to say “I love boats!” in Merry’s voice? (It’s an inside joke with my friends.)

Nothing, it’s on the house!

(HOLY CRAP I LOVE YOU)

- - - - -

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us! What are you working on nowadays?

I’ve actually had a few people ask me if I’ll ever do more audiobooks like this, and I seem to have tapped something. Yes, in fact! I’m working with a few creative collaborators on a small company to do the exact same sonic experience with other books! Since we’re very small, we are starting with stories in the Public Domain, and have successfully kickstarted (and finished) “The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling. Which will be out (hopefully, officially) by early September! I’m really excited and hope this will lead to more projects, and - hopefully- back to Tolkien someday, in an official manner. Please follow my Instagram or Facebook for more info about it. (I also have a Twitter and Tumblr and more, but they’re all completely unrelated to LOTR and are just me drawing doodles and being a nerd, very unlike the Audiobooks I did, which is a bit confusing, I admit.)

- - - - -

And that concludes our interview! As I told Phil, it was so much fun to discuss a fellow fan's passion project like this. The more I read about it, the more I realized just how similar it was to my own experiences as a fan creator. We all start out as just a noob with a few unpolished skills, making something because we love it, and we learn and grow and hone our talents along the way. It's legitimately inspiring.

Needless to say, I am stoked to finish listening to the rest of this audiobook! Is it a bit weird knowing the creator of the thing might drop in and read my reviews?? Yes. Yes it is. But I'm gonna do it anyway. No holds barred! If I hear another cough, you're gonna know about it, Phil!

Also I may or may not do something with that audio of Merry because I'M STILL DYING OF LAUGHTER HELP

Anyway! If you made it to the end of this, you deserve a cookie! Everybody say thank you to Mr. Dragash, and go check out the other stuff he's doing nowadays! Namárië!

#phil dragash #audiobook #lotr audiobook #interview #CATCH ME SCREAMING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS

[sigmoon]

Wildflowers under the summer rain - Chapter Five: Bittersweet Nightshade

"Healing holy man, once upon a time / hunting high and low to seek revenge / brand new moral code / got made reluctant renegade / evil spirits flowed / he drank the blood like lemonade." (Morcheeba, Blood Like Lemonade)

"And how I tried so hard to hide the pain / what bad temper we're keeping / and so I followed a light into the night / and you kept me waiting in the dark with no place to hide / cause we are more than our disguises." (Weyes Blood, Twin Flame)

Pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky x reader

wc: 4.2k

cw: Dark content! Implied self harm (cuts). Implied sexual abuse. Implied depression and suicidal ideation. Implied murder. Religious themes. Implied manipulation/brainwashing. Vague hints about Fyodor’s past. Subtle flirting. Fyodor’s POV.

Author's note: It's been so long since the last chapter, and rereading the first four chapters made me cringe a lot. My writing has changed, and so have my original plans for this story, and the most recent revelations about Fyodor from the manga have interfered with them a bit… I don't want to make promises I might not keep, but I'm sure I won't take 4+ months again until the next update. That being said, enjoy reading part five!

“Man, there are many ability users out there.”

She knelt on the floor, surrounded by a sea of files she’d taken out of the shelf in the corner of Fyodor’s office, and browsed through them one after another.

Fyodor, who sat a few feet away from her at his desk, and was just as busy, had told her to read through the many files he had assembled about various ability users from all around the world. They included detailed descriptions of their supernatural abilities, and Fyodor hoped that at least one of them might be useful for the next missions he’d planned, and replace one of his current subordinates if necessary.

However, he felt no need to entertain her need for conversation, unbothered by the silence between them, unlike her, who tried to fill it by at any given chance. 

Though inevitably, Fyodor had learned over time that she was sharper than he’d initially thought. 

But he simply had very little interest in wasting his time with a sinner like her, let alone bond with one. She was a useful tool, but it was best to keep her an arm's length away from himself, emotionally. 

“Oh hey, look!”

She held up a thin file, no more than a few pages with a small photo stapled on. 

It was a bit blurry, but one could still recognize the face of a boy, presumably in his teenage years, with brown, messy hair. One of his dark eyes was covered by white bandages.

“What about him? His gift is… ’ability neutralization.’ That sounds pretty useful, right? I mean, sure, he’s a little young, but–”

“No, not him,” Fyodor said, clipped. He’d looked over his shoulder and recognized the file, or rather the person in the photo. 

“Why not?”

“He already works for another organization. He can’t be trusted.”

“Are you sure?” she asked and skimmed through the file again. “Judging by what it says here, he'd make a pretty good hitman, at least." 

“Not him,” Fyodor repeated. “Check the other files; and no members of other organizations.”

“So we’re only looking for people in vulnerable and unstable life situations?” 

“Correct.���

“Exclusively employing easily manipulated people and desperate losers...good business model you got there. Religions take a similar approach,” she said, putting the file back. Her tone was provocative and her words were meant to be a jab at Fyodor.

“Shut your mouth and get back to work,” Fyodor said sternly. Who did this girl think she was…

“Sorry, I forgot that being reminded of what a terrible person you are is a sensitive topic…” she said and met Fyodor’s cold gaze with a contemptful glare of her own. 

“You’ve got quite the nerve calling me a bad person. You’re no better than me,” replied Fyodor.

„Are you serious? I might not be a saint, but you’re a lot worse than I am. Yes, I’ve hurt people, but I didn’t kill any of them, and you’ve built an entire organization that does nothing but spill blood because their leader is some delusional fanatic who believes it’s for the greater good.“

Much as she was pushing her luck with him, and despite his anger, Fyodor grinned mockingly as she spat insults at him.

„You clearly do not understand my lifework one bit, but that was to be expected of someone like you. Impulsively going on a purging spree because someone took your dignity, only to get locked up and not change a single thing, not even for yourself. Pathetic,“ he hissed right back.

„Did it feel good, at least? Because I can assure you that your adorable little plan to rid the world of evil was entirely self-indulgent and did not help anyone in need, not even yourself. Why else would you see so little meaning in your life if not because getting revenge did not free you of the shackles that person apparently still has you in? You’re still as miserable as you were before, aren’t you?“

“You don’t know anything about me, you sick fuck!” she growled and trembled with fury. The way she eyed Fyodor betrayed her apparent desire to pounce him and tear him apart.

“I don’t have to; that deranged look on your face speaks volumes," Fyodor said coldly, but as soon as the words had gone past his lips, he realized that he’d gone too far. Her face was no longer twisted in outrage but in genuine hurt and humiliation. 

Her efforts to hide it were unsuccessful– Fyodor saw her lower lip quivering, like that of a child about to burst into tears. 

He wondered how she'd managed to agitate him like that once again. Insults were not usually his style, and neither was lashing out at people.

He cleared his throat and calmly, he added: "What I know for sure is that vengeance is never worth it. Not the effort, nor the blood that's being spilled...and especially not the remorse that comes after, either."

"It’s better than doing nothing about the things others have done to you," she whispered. 

“And it’s ironic how you’re judging me for how strongly my past affects me when your entire life’s purpose depends on the words that someone else has put inside your head.”

“I never expected you to share my beliefs, or to understand them.”

“I wasn’t talking about your god, and I think you know it,” she said with the same penetrating expression that had made Fyodor so uneasy since the day they’d met. 

“Sucks to hear it, huh?” She said, amused by the aghast look on Fyodor’s face. “You’re just as controlled by your past as I am, but I’m trying to escape that grip, while you succumb to it. You’re someone’s little puppet, and yet you believe that you’re acting on your own accord."

Fyodor swallowed hard and tried to make sense of his racing thoughts. 

There was no way she could know...Fyodor had never spoken about his past in her presence. Not like he did around anyone else, ever. And how on earth could she possibly know about him?

No, she only enjoyed taunting him by making provocative assumptions. She was only playing a mind game, in hopes to rile him up.

Or was it her ability’s doing? Fyodor’s information about her ability was vague, but he knew that she could make people suffer a great deal by using it, so it wasn’t far-fetched that she was trying to do this to him as well. 

After all, she was vicious, unstable, and, despite their teamwork, a dangerous individual.

“You’re being ridiculous…I’m ending this conversation now,” Fyodor murmured and turned away in his office chair, shaken up, and attempting to keep his composure. 

His underling seemed just as fed up with their argument as he was. She pulled out another file from the shelf and browsed through it.

“What about him?” she sniffed. Her voice was shaky, her eyes glistening with tears that threatened to fall. “He can create portals.”

The file she was showing Fyodor now was significantly thicker than the previous one. Fyodor recognized it immediately; he’d been working on it for a fair amount of time now, as the ability user it was about had already piqued his interest a while ago. 

He hadn’t been quite sure how to utilize him so far, but Fyodor was convinced that when the time was right, he would make for a valuable accomplice.

“We’ll keep an eye on him.”

━━━━━

Fyodor let his head fall back against the headrest of his office chair. 

It was late, he’d been ignoring his body’s cries for rest for hours and was now nearing his mental and physical limits.

Working himself to the bone wasn’t rare, and though the price he paid was high, Fyodor deemed it necessary, willing to do everything in his might to get the job done.

His head was pounding, and he closed his eyes with a sigh of resignation, thinking about today’s incident.

His underling was not an easy person to have a conversation with, and maybe, under different circumstances, Fyodor would have appreciated someone to talk to who wasn’t as dull as the rest of the people he was surrounded by. 

However, while he appreciated her desire for autonomy - a trait that his other subordinates lacked - broadening his horizon by constantly questioning his every sentence wasn’t what he’d hired her for.

She didn’t seem to have a shred of respect for him or what he stood for, and Fyodor was fed up with defending what was holy to him against a lowly sinner like her.

He stared at the ceiling above him and gnawed on his thumb as he reveled in his thoughts. While she wasn’t as degenerate as others he considered a pest in this world, her mind and hands were tainted with sin. And just like everyone else, she refused to see it.

She was not at fault for what had been done to her, Fyodor knew that, but he firmly believed that she was to blame for how she’d dealt with it. 

Fyodor could even see why she’d decided to walk down the path of bloodthirsty revenge, an understandable desire, after being violated by another person, but still, it was not her rightful place to deliver punishment on those who deserve it, but his. 

And always that damned expression on her face. Fyodor was unfazed by all kinds of horrors, having seen and done a lot, but the way her stare pierced through him as if she could see his soul creeped him out.

She knew things that she couldn’t possibly know, because Fyodor had never spoken about them with anyone, ever. But he had a feeling that she still knew, and he didn’t like it one bit.

Other than that, he had yet to figure out what exactly her ability enabled her to do. She hadn’t told him anything, and Fyodor wasn’t as almighty as people thought he was. Skilled at seeing through people by analyzing their speech and behavior, yes, or getting someone to reveal information about themselves without even realizing they’d been interrogated, but even Fyodor’s intelligence had its limits.

He assumed that her ability went beyond enabling her to inflict severe white torture upon people, which was the only proven knowledge he had about it. It would have been naive to believe that there wasn’t more to it than that.

Sometimes, when Fyodor felt his patience run out, he stooped to taking his irritation out on her by voicing how little value she had to him as a person and pointing out his superiority over her.

He wasn’t proud of participating in this infantile tug-on war between them, and it upset him that she had the power over him to get such petty reactions out of him. 

Their discussions, no, her entire being only proved Fyodor’s point; most people failed to comprehend his mission– that they had to be saved from the misery that they were either put through by someone else or managed to maneuver themselves into.

Both were the case for her and - while it was uncomfortable to admit - it was for Fyodor, too.

In this world, nobody was free of sin forever. No matter how hard one tried, it would get to them at some point, and someone needed to put an end to this vicious cycle. Even if it required sacrifices.

Fyodor was more than willing to die on a cross and take those who stood in his way with him if it was for the sake of a better world. 

A metallic taste spread on his tongue, and he retracted his hand to inspect it. A drop of blood oozed from his bitten nail bed, and Fyodor watched it trickle down the length of his thumb before bringing it back to his lips and licking it clean.

The sound of distant footsteps, slowly approaching, followed by the creaking of his door, pulled Fyodor out of his thoughts. 

He knew that this late visitor could only be her, but her presence was not reason enough for him to drop everything and turn around.

„Aren’t you a bit too old to be suckling on your thumb?“

Fyodor didn’t reply to the voice coming from a few feet behind him. Even if he had felt like entertaining another argument, he would’ve been far too exhausted for that. 

He felt miserable; his eyeballs were dry and stung, and his head still ached; telltale signs that he ought to abandon his screens and make up for the lack of sleep these days. Fyodor knew that he wasn’t doing his already strained body any favor, but there was work to do, too important to be postponed.

„No witty comeback?“ she asked when Fyodor stayed silent. „I’m just saying that you’ve got quite a bad habit with your nail biting.“

„That makes two of us,“ Fyodor said, looking at her over his shoulder, and he briefly nodded at her forearms. 

Usually covered by her daytime attire, they were now exposed, the sleeves of her t-shirt barely reaching her elbows. The tender skin revealed was uneven, with multiple streaks of scar tissue betraying that she was no stranger to unhealthy coping, either.

Fyodor could tell that the cuts were not inflicted recently, but rather several months, if not years ago, as they looked mostly healed, as far as injuries like such could. 

Still, he murmured: „You might want to give me that gun back I gave you some time ago.“

„Are you worried about me?“ she smirked, her tone surprisingly sober, considering the topic that hung in the air.

„No, but I don’t want to be the one scrubbing your brain off of the floor one day.“

„I‘m sure you wouldn’t have to,“ she replied and approached his desk. She took a seat on a chair next to Fyodor’s. „You’ve got plenty of lackeys who’d do anything for you, even that.“

„Still, I have no interest in losing my most valuable subordinate.“

“So you do care about me.” she grinned, but Fyodor wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of believing he liked her, which he didn’t. If he did, and he’d told her, she’d only be going to exploit it.

„I do not,“ Fyodor repeated. „But the others lack the competence that you have.“

„Is that a compliment? Are you promoting me?“ 

“It’s a matter of fact, not flattery. But I might think about assigning you with other tasks,“ Fyodor said, tilting his head and resting it in his palm. A small smile tugged on the corners of his mouth. „If I don’t keep you busy, you will just keep pestering me.”

„That’s great,“ she smiled back. „But if you make me babysit Ivan and Pushkin, I will use my gun.“

„To kill them or yourself?“

„All three of us, in that order,“ she said, and Fyodor finally chuckled, though he blamed the slip-up on his tiredness. 

He was certain that his exhaustion was to blame for this conversation even happening, as he rarely had any interest in speaking with her, or so he thought, as he’d never given her a proper chance to prove herself worthy of sharing his few moments of spare time.

Neither of them said anything for a minute or two, the dim light coming from Fyodor’s computer screens painting the room, as well as their faces, in a soft purple, enhancing both of their weary expressions, and Fyodor could see that just like him, she had dark shadows beneath her eyes as she looked past him. 

“Why are you awake at this hour?” Fyodor was the first to break the silence.

“I could ask you the same thing,” she said firmly, no trace of the lightness from just a moment ago left.

“I asked first,” Fyodor replied, but he didn’t expect her to open up. She’d never been eager to do so, and he doubted she would be now. 

She scowled at him but sighed, and leaned back into her seat. “I had a bad dream.”

“About…?”

“Yes,” she said quickly, cutting him off. 

Fyodor was on thin ice. He had to be careful, otherwise, this opportunity of taking advantage of her vulnerable state would pass, without having gotten any new information about her.

Fyodor was aware of this risk, and yet he asked: „Has hurting others made your suffering more bearable?“ 

She didn’t respond at first, and Fyodor already feared he’d lost his chance. But after pausing for a moment, she said: „Momentarily, yes. But the satisfaction, the relief– it didn’t last. What did last, was this rotten stuff inside of me. I’ve hoped that if I just kept doing it…then it might finally go away.“

„But it didn’t,” Fyodor said confidently, though he could only guess what she meant by the ‘rotten stuff’.

„No. The damage done stuck around, I guess.”

“I see. You never told me what your ability does, by the way.” 

“Don’t you know?" she asked. “You’ve seen me use it.”

“But that is not all it does, am I right?” Fyodor insisted. As talkative as she was on occasion, she wasn’t easy to read.

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you know things you can’t possibly know,” said Fyodor.

“So I was right?”

“About what?”

“About you being someone’s puppet. Your actions are influenced, your entire plan is.”

Fyodor felt disrespected, even more than whenever she dragged his lifework through dirt, the very thing he’d gone through hell and back for. 

What fueled the humiliation was that she wasn’t entirely wrong, but Fyodor didn’t want her to have the upper hand in this. However, the time spent trying to come up with a response only confirmed her accusation.

“I was only taking a guess, actually, I’m not a mindreader. But thanks for confirming my theory. I had a feeling that there’s more to this all than just your faith.” 

Fyodor’s expression must've looked hilarious to her, as she giggled. “Don’t look so grim. It doesn’t take an ability to figure out that you have issues.”

There was a deep line between Fyodor’s furrowed brows, and he clenched his jaw. 

Was she, perhaps, able to deduce someone’s feelings simply due to a high level of empathy and emotional intelligence, even without the help of a supernatural ability?

“Wanna tell me about it?” She asked, disturbing the silence, as well as Fyodor’s train of thought. 

“Absolutely not.”

„Come on,“ she pleaded. „I don’t mean to make fun of you, I promise. I just think it would be helpful for us to understand each other better. I’m sure I wouldn’t despise you as much if I fully understood what all of this is really about.”

„And why do you care?”

Tight-lipped, she fidgeted with her hands as she struggled for words. “Well…Because you’re not boring, as much as I don't like you.“

"Oh?"

“Now, don’t mistake this as flattery, but you're really smart. You could be anything you wanted, and why would you make use of your potential the way you are right now,” she asked, “if not because someone convinced you that this is your sole purpose?”

“You’re both right and wrong,” Fyodor said solemnly. “It was someone else’s words, but the power of many that made me realize what my purpose is.”

“What, becoming a terrorist?”

He scowled. “No. That I must change the world, no matter the price. Sacrifices are inevitable, and no, I am not indifferent about that. I know that the measures I’m taking are drastic at times, but it all happens for a reason.”

“Ugh…” She grimaced and pretended to retch.

“I don’t care if you understand my reasoning here, but I know that those who end up being sacrificed for my plan will be rewarded when my work is done. Because then, all the lost souls will be granted salvation. God has mercy on those who deserve it, and I am creating a world with no room for those who don’t, which is why I assumed that you would gladly assist me when I had you brought here,” Fyodor said. "After all, what you did was similar to my plan. Bungling, lacking skill and precision, but of the same essence. That’s the whole reason I wanted you as my right hand.”

“First of all, rude, and secondly, I lost interest in cooperating with you when you started preaching about god and salivating as you did so.”

“Cut the blasphemy if you want this conversation to continue,” Fyodor hissed.

“Fine, fine. But a world devoid of evil and ability users? That goal is quite hypocritical, considering that you are an ability user yourself.”

“Abilities are part of the problem, which is the sin, infiltrating and corrupting people. They do more harm than good. I seek to free the world of this burden. Mankind is foolish and people need to be saved from themselves. Even you must agree, no?”

“Yes, though I wouldn’t have assigned you, of all people, with that task. You’re a menace.”

“Well, some people have thought differently in the past.”

“In other words, you’ve been manipulated. A person of your intellect would never come up with this crap all by themselves and let it dictate their life.”

“Call it what you want– I have lived a long life, long enough to know that I am the one destined to fulfill God's plan.”

“You can’t be that old,” she said, tilting her head and inspecting Fyodor’s face.

“Clearly, you don’t know as much as you think you do. Not about the world, and certainly not about me,” he said.

“Then enlighten me. Tell me about yourself.”

All of Fyodor’s resistance was futile. He felt weak and disgustingly vulnerable. The way she spoke, the way she looked at him; it all made him want to open up his heart, and spill everything he’d safely locked inside it over the years, just to get more of this new feeling– the sweet relief that he’d felt when she first made it clear that she wasn’t so easily fooled by his facade. The relief of having some weight lifted off of his shoulders.

“I feel with every person who's died at my hands, directly and indirectly. And I wish there was another way to change the world than wiping out the sinful parts of the population like they’re parasites and doing so at the cost of innocents. But I’ve been assigned this task, by God himself, and I must complete it, so no one else has to taint themself like I do. This means everything to me…all the lost souls, even the evil ones, will be forgiven for their sins and granted a second chance, but I…I’ve got blood on my hands that I cannot wash off, and I know that I won’t be granted a place in the new world I intend to create."

“That’s really fucking sad,” she said once Fyodor had finished. 

“Hm.” He shrugged. “Anyway, there is a specific tool that will enable me to achieve all of this, a very powerful one. And I need to get it, at all costs.”

“What kind of tool?”

“A book. A novel, to be precise, with all blank pages, and whatever is written inside becomes reality. Getting my hands on it is difficult, and requires resorting to drastic measures, but once it’s in my possession, nobody will have to suffer anymore.”

“I understand,” she replied. “And do you think you’ll be able to find peace if your plan works out?”

“What? I’m not the one with issues, and I don't need your pity!” Fyodor said with a dark glare. He was angry, especially at himself, for blabbering with no restraint.

“Sure you don’t,” she said mockingly. “You might be fooling yourself, but not me. Look, I have no idea who made you carry the weight of the whole world all by yourself, but I can’t sit here, watching you approach this problem the way that you are. Surely, there must be a way to get that book with less mass destruction along the way.”

“Don't you think I'm already trying to avoid unnecessary suffering?”

“Yeah, no, I don’t believe you are. We might have a similar goal, but our approaches are worlds apart. And to be honest, I have little respect and understanding for your strategy.”

Fyodor rolled his eyes. “Yes, you’ve told me already. I lost count of how often.” 

She smiled. “And you will hear it again. Just please, let me do more than interrogation, let me actually partake in this plan. I don’t care about hurting evil people if it’s necessary, but unlike you, I don’t believe in the afterlife, so I don’t want innocents to die because of us.” She then held out her hand, waiting for Fyodor to shake it. “Deal?”

“Fine, I can live with that. Yes, we have a deal,” Fyodor said, after a last moment of hesitation, and shook her hand; smaller, softer, but just as cold as his, causing chills to run down his spine. His gaze flicked down to look at the streaks on her forearms, and then up to her face, where a pair of eyes stared back at him, with an indefinable expression.

Fyodor had yet to realize that he knew far less about this sinner, as well as about himself, than he’d initially thought, and about how deeply her fate was to affect his own. 

This handshake, their first touch, was only the beginning of a series of events that was going to turn Fyodor’s world upside down.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #fyodor.bsd #dark content #fics #bsd fanfic #bungou stray dogs fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor bsd #fyodor x reader #bsd x reader #wildflowers under the summer rain #factum est❁hio

[snek-panini]

I participated in Renegade Bindery's Binderary challenge this past February, and since it ended about two weeks ago it's probably time for me to start posting photos of the finished books, yeah? I made eleven books this year, many of which were multi-volume sets, and I'm going to start with the one that I had the most trouble with, Jane Austen's Persuasion. This project was nothing but trouble, and honestly every time I look at it I see nothing but its flaws. The cover is Allure book cloth from Hollander's (wisteria color; I bought it for another project last year and had a lot left over) with gold metallic HTV for the title and graphics. The last project I did with these materials was a dream; the cloth took HTV like a champ, better than any other project I'd done, and yet this time with the same roll of cloth and type/brand of HTV I couldn't get it to stick. You can see two spots where it's gone on crooked in the above photo, and below the cut you can see additional problems with the spine:

Yikes. It is peeling. I read the book once and it is peeling. I've never had this problem before; it won't always stick at first, but once I get it to stick it stays that way. Not this time.

Top view, with the endbands I sewed that have their cores visible. Again, not a problem I've had before but was a recurring theme this binderary; several of my Binderary books have it. Also platinum silk moire endpapers that were really hard to photograph and have both a wrinkle and a glue stain. It's my first time working with silk moire and I'm not sure I'm a fan, but three of the other books I made also have it and I didn't have nearly so may issues with them. So I think this book may have just been cursed. It's not pictured but the ribbon bookmark developed some kind of mysterious dark smudge in the middle somewhere between me gluing it in and me taking these photos. I do not know how this happened. The gilding went well though. That I can say.

Couple of images of the typeset. I had to print the title page twice because it came out streaky the first time. I actually really like the typeset, which is what makes the rest of the issues with this bind so frustrating. It's pretty! I did well on that part! I wanted the exterior to be just as pretty and I'm upset that it's not!

Fun fact: Persuasion was actually my least favorite Austen when I first read it. But I was in my early twenties then, and I thought it would be fun to bind myself a pretty copy since I didn't own one, and reread it and maybe have different feelings about it now I'm on the other side of thirty. And I did reread it after binding, and I do like it better, and I'm sad that the exterior parts didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. Half the reason I bind public domain stuff is so I can show off my skills to IRL people who aren't in fandom, and not have to explain what fanfiction is or why it has so many dicks in it, and there were so many issues here that I don't even want to do that.

The good news is that this was the low point of binderary and most of the other books gave me results I like better. I'm still doing titles for a lot of them, so we'll see how fast I can get them done and photographed, but I've definitely got more books in store in the near future.

#bookbinding #snek makes books #it feels weird not to tag a fandom but i don't want to put this in the main book tags #i realize it sounds like i hate what i've done here #i don't hate it i'm just frustrated with myself #and i learned stuff which is an important part of the process #but dangit #the public domain bind from last year came out better than this

[borzoilover69]

> BORZOI: Read Homestuck like its 2011 (Part one)

Hi guys, this is me doing long posts while i reread homestuck! Let me get this out of the way first, I'm going to be starting with the alpha kids because i have a LOT to say about them and ramble, but I have read everything up until this point. Long post be aware, lots of meta.

I could probably do a psycho-analysis of these two pages and their blurbs respectively, but what I like about the alpha kids is how apparent their character voice is even in secondary voice than the betas. This isn't flack to the betas by any regards but in terms of introductions the beta sessions sort of wiffle-waffled around it rather than it seem like you were really IN TUNE with their thoughts.

However here with the two's rather lengthy introductions, they list everything and in a way that makes you feel comfortable they're sort of directly thinking it. Whether it's using their slang, with Jane talking about her daunting reputation she feels she has to live up to through the bloodline passed down, and her like for amateur botany (which i completely glossed over and holy COW does it open so many oppurtunities here for it to be picked up post game) to Jake talking about his want to talk about the things he wants to do and share with others, and being generally resigned and saying he doesn't care but acting a lot like he DOES care about his image even with this first approach

" You're known to be found with your nose in a comic book or two not that it makes you a nerd or anything, like you even CARE about that! "

"You bluster frequently of exuberance for FIREARMS and FISTICUFFS and ADVENTURE though have no human company with which to share these interests but who needs chums?"

He emphasises at length to the reader from the get go what he likes and what he really is enthusiastic about, even when its about things he says he vehemently doesnt care about (and he does). And once again, there's that vague sort of. I don't know how to put it, but especially with that last line about a skull being at the heart of any mystery, haunting its every PAGE, it leads to an idea he may be more aware of a narrative that needs to be played out than he usually lets on, which I will extrapolate on later.

Also, I think its so very ironic that Jane despite being a detective is the most clueless out of the Alpha kids on what happens (due to constant brainwashing subliminal messages most likely ingrained since childhood. Its like a subconcious need for her to find out reflecting back on her and her ignorance.

Also another note, upon reading back, is how they quite literally make vague mentions to their classpects, how cool is that? > When it does, you will waste no time in embarking on the games MAIDEN VOYAGE, you are prepared to have the time of your LIFE!!

>There is a good SKULL at the heart of any mystery, haunting its EVERY PAGE. At least, it is what you always HOPE.

4121

Have i ever mentioned I headcanon Jake as a Fil-Aus mix (like me)? Well now you know. Not to mention his planets influence being quite obviously the Luzon rice terraces and the Chocolate hills in Bohol, places I've had the absolute pleasure of visiting and romping around. There's a few hot springs nestled amidst the Rice fields, did you know that? Do you realise what this means? Hell yes. I'm really happy Jake got to visit those too TBH. This man probably tried sinigang and adobo.

4122 and 4125

Another great example of character voice. I'm actually really fond of Jane because of how forthright her character voice is compared to Egbert. SHE'S taking charge of the story, and she's one of the most stubborn opinionated girls in the cast, beside Rose. (Which I will touch on at a later date). A stubborn 16 year old that wants things to be DONE.

I guess another reason I like the alpha kids as characters is because they're so much more openly flawed than the beta kids. You have to work to like and understand them, and even then most of it is lost on the fandom, unless it's Roxy due to how her character plays out, we see her character get BETTER contrasting her friends and how they got REALLY QUITE A BIT WORSE. Also talking so much about her LIFE and how he enjoys it is something i like to read. Shes adding life to her background whether its through talking about her past or life experiences and thoughts, and i find it so interesting that the alpha kids show such deficits later on yet so intrinsically wrapped with their aspects.

Also pointing out what bullshit alchemy systems are. Some of those combos are downright preposterous and it's so bafflingly curious.

Life is clearly a joy to Jane, she gets a lot of sweet loot that keeps her generally accommodated and comfortable, which, I can get. Why would you doubt the things and megacorp applications you regularly use when they're the most prominently focused and promoted in your life? I mean sure you could realise that Google is generally fucked and a giant evil corporate entity and fuck off using it but it's not going to make a lot of people quit it even if its blasting subliminal messages into your head. (Cough twitter cough cough).

4127

She would totally watch Sherlock and Hannibal and Brooklyn 99 she is just a well rounded detective fellow! A television guru. I get her. Eating toast or pancakes while watching these nitty gritty crime shows in the morning and you see a dead body and go "oooh detective how'll we solve this case now." Which brings me up to another point and I guess it's how desensitized a lot of the kids to some degree (BUT MORE PROMINENTLY THE ALPHAS) are with death, and how they deal with it a LOT to some degree. You know in my original notes for this I wrote a lot about dead bodies and how such and such would react but I'll. Save you from having to suffer from that.

I just really like Jane because of how energetic she seems, willing to make jokes and rib on people in playful jest and stuff. A life player is lively get it.

"Comics aren't really your thing but you hung it up anyway because that's the sort of thing you do in a mildly escalating feud of passive-aggressive one-upsmanship. You *own* it."

I laughed when I saw this. If anyone would see something as a passive-aggressive nudge on their psyche, it's Rose and Jane, the two most stubborn #girl characters of the cast adamant to forging their own paths (but never truly being the mastermind behind it). Knowing Jake, it's so totally one-sided, Jake probably really not thinking much of it but a little poke back. God he's such a little freak and a weirdo.

4129

I had to think a bit about this. On one hand, she’s well aware that characteristically speaking, these things line up with her friends, and their interests, and it’s bad manners to buy something for your friends bday that seems more directed towards yourself than at your friend. On the other hand, she sees the sentiment and motion made behind them which is. so sweet.

4130

Really neat parallel between page 28 and page 4130.

And yet again I'm struck by the contrast between the Alpha and Beta sessions. Comparing how the betas session start at spring, a season of starting fresh, where things start to bloom, of hope, of new beginnings and oppurtunities and adventure and exploring a world, to the Alphas session starting in late fall, where the trees lose their leaves, a season represented by the late stages of maturity and decline and decay, especially death. It drives me fucking mental I tell you.

4133

"Looks like somebody is bothering you. He better make it quick! You've got a window to stay glued to."

She's so PASSIONATE about things she wants. I love her.

4135

Clearly, I'm an idiot, because I never noticed the subliminal messages, or rather forgot them, until now. I too have fallen into the trap.

4136 AND HERE WE HAVE IT FOLKS. THE SCRIMBLY SCRUMBO. THE SILLY FELLOW. HIS FIRST TRUE APPEARANCE!! [ APPLAUSE ]

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

AND THE FIRST THING HE MENTIONS IS HIS BEST FRIEND. *Rolls around on the floor sobbing.*

I think it's interesting how Jane and Roxy seem rather fond of the autoresponder, but Jake and Dirk to some degree really seem to dislike it (for reasons that become more clear later on), Jake even rebutting what he knows of Dirk to Jane. Maybe it's just musing on my part, but I naturally assume Dirk has aired some sort of frustration about AR to Jake and Jake alone, if it was just Jakes gripes with the thing he would mention it (which he does), but here he mentions Striders distaste for it even though the girls both point out its incredibly helpful.

Just a really funny line.

Jane has a point. Its a passive aggressive poke at Jane to consider.

Did i mention how much I adore the alpha kids in general and their narration? Their voices are so clear. Shes so inquisitive.

4141 and 4143

Hello mister.

4144 AND HERES CALLIE!!!!! :DDD!!!!! :DDD!!!!! >v< >v< Oh you silly GOOBER you. Also be warned for future I'm always so excited to see ALL the alpha kids, and their little quirks that are so fond. I can imagine Callie pacing her room considering how they would say this and writing it all down in that massive tome of theirs.

You're telling me John Egbert was this guy? Ok that IS sort of John like. And rather funny! Hahaha! Hes got such a witty charm to him!

From a youtube comment:

He owned a magic shop in New Orleans during his final years. He was a very good guy, and I think probably one of the more influential characters for me as far as style and humour. The whole show was amazing, although it was every week night it never got old. The show afterwards was always Cheers...which wad good but more verbal than the slap stick audacity in Night Court.

OH HOLY COW THAT IS EGBERT!! WHAT THE FUCK THATS SO COOL! As for the actual Harry Anderson..

Its so fucking cool. Anyways i gotta go get my haircut so imma wrap up here.

#homestuck #hom3stuck #homestuck meta #borzoi talks #borzoi meta #borzoi reread

[evilwickedme]

I saw in the tags you mentioned spideypool fic recs 👂 I'm listening

breaking the DC streak to go to Marvel because fun fact I've been into DC for six months and into Marvel comics for eight years so

anyway a majority of my spideypool bookmarks are from 2015 and I have no idea if most of them are any good which is an interesting problem to have but I still have a solid list for y'all

Say Anything...Except That - I was following this from the first chapter and I'm now mutuals with the author which was very fanboy moment for me (if you're seeing this, hi!). it has a lot of old school fanfiction.net quirks to it which might be a bit difficult to swallow if you've only been reading fic for a few years, but honestly I think this fic is really good and holds up to this day. it's been a while since I read it last but iirc Deadpool has to protect Spider-Man or Peter from assassination attempts and there's a lot of pining involved. also mattfoggy ended up having a nice arc because this was 2015 and Daredevil had just aired (this is technically incomplete there's one chapter left but if I had to reread it multiple times when there were only like ten chapters you can handle it)

under attack - more fics by people who are wayyy too cool to have followed me back and yet somehow did? anyway this is part of stackthedeck's team red slash series (ELITE ship fyi) but this one is spideypool focused and has some nice fluff. fighting as flirting idk what else to say it's golden

#NoPlaceLikeHome - do y'all know ask-spiderpool? you should it's one of the best blogs on this damn website and a must-read for spideypool shippers. anyway this is that version of spideypool's first time together which is cute :D short and sweet basically. sciderman has a lot of fics for the spiderman fandom in general and their ask-spiderpool au in particular and they're all worth reading

Dissonance - another longfic that took half a decade to write about deadpool protecting spider-man from harm. I actually don't know why this trope is so good peter really can defend himself but there you go

Perfect Enough - ohm y gOD this fic series is so good. this au hinges on such a tiny difference in peter's history but it makes ALL the difference. anyway in this world basically nobody has a functional secret identity anymore except for spider-man. meanwhile, wade wilson and peter parker start dating. so much plot, two separate longfics each around 140k, good luck this CONSUMED my life

speaking of consumed, rippling - this is part of a series called Into the Multiverse and is based on the Spiderverse film so it's Peter B. which I LOVE (spideybpool FUCKS). the series spun out of the authors' other series and it is, in fact, a pain to read the main entries in the series without reading the other serieses which means that I did spend two weeks doing little to nothing except reading deniigiq's work, but a. it was worth b. this one can be read as a standalone! wade jumps in front of a bullet for peter b and he angsts about it I love it

finally ahem speaking of Peter B, did you know I've been writing spideypool fic since 2015 and I wrote one specifically for spiderverse? I'm a mess (but I'm the mess that you wanted) is really a mix of spiderverse and comic canon like, five years into the future, and deals mostly with like, depression and suicidal ideation on Peter's behalf, but hey there's also a plot AND a happy polyam ending which, what else could you want really

anyway sorry the list isn't longer I didn't bookmark so many of my favorite spideypool fics and now they're lost in the void forever :/

#my team red or defenders folder is massive but so much of it is just daredevil #randomly I have five separate fics saved for jessica jones/matt murdock and I don't even know their ship name #anyway I accidentally clicked post instead of schedule so have fun with this like three hours earlier than intended #spideypool #spideybpool #marvel #marvel comics #spiderverse #fic recs #marvel fic #gail speaks #ask #anonymous

[chthonic-cassandra]

Reflecting on my year of reading, and on my resolutions about it at the end of last year.

This wasn't the best reading year for me, which I also said at the end of last year.

What did go well, which was also one of my intentions at the end of last year, was my rereading. I did a lot more of it in 2023 and and it was one of my great joys through the year. I'll maybe write separately about some rereading experiences that were particularly wonderful, but I am so very glad I did so much of it. I want to continue that.

Where I didn't do so well was with being more selective with my to-read list. Proportionally few of the books I read for the first time this year really felt like they moved or changed me, felt like they allowed me to truly discover something or have an experience that was new to me. Some did, and I want to reflect on some of those later and give them due credit. But it wasn't as high a proportion as I would like. This was also true in 2022.

I also read significantly fewer books in 2023 than is typical for me. It looks to be around ~250, which I know seems like a lot by most standards, but since I tend to average closer to 350, it's a significant difference. The last times I read this few books in a year were 2013 & 2014, both of which were years when I was also reading a ton of ancient Greek, which I was definitely not this year. I'm not entirely sure what happened there. I was very stressed and busy for a lot of the year, but I am often stressed and busy so that can't account for all of it. I know that there have quite a few times this year when I got bogged in a book that I really wasn't getting much out of it but somehow couldn't bring myself to abandon, and I think that's part of it. I would really like to feel more able to just not finish books when that happens.

The numbers obviously don't matter and I never have numerical reading goals, but combined with what feels like a lack of...intellectual stimulation in my non-reread reading, maybe? I think it reflects something. I don't actually care how many books I am reading, but I do want to prioritize this part of myself and feel like I am getting things out of my reading.

I want to prioritize actually making it to the academic library to which I can have access, which was an intention I set for 2023 and was too busy to follow through on. I want to get back to reading more theory/criticism, and more works in translation.

Or maybe I just keep rereading. That would be good too.

#personal #on reading

[fazedlight]

Fandom creators tag game

Thank you @waytooinvested and @fabulousglitch for the tag!

1. What sort of content do you create, and what is the thing you’ve made that you’re most proud of?

Proudest fic - There are a few I tend to choose from, but right now it's Even Though You're Kryptonian

Fanvid - My Rise vid

2. What fandom(s) do you create for?

Supercorp. (And a very tiny amount of Dansen and soon Rojarias.)

3. What is your current favourite ship (or brotp if you prefer), and how controversial is it?

Supercorp!! I don't think it's a controversial ship, lol.

4. For your answer to question 3, are they canon?

They are to me 😌

5. What was your first fandom, and how old were you?

My first obsession (and still greatest love) was Xena. I started watching the show a few episodes into season 1, when I was 6 years old. It was very formative.

That said, I didn't really get involved in any fandom communities until Supercorp (in early 2022).

6. What is your most unhinged fandom creation to date?

I don't think I get super unhinged, but as a pilot I did like creating this dumb incorrect quote.

7. Do you remember what started you off creating fandom content, and if so, what was it?

I was getting frustrated at not being able to find certain types of fics, and it struck me that... I was allowed to write my own.

8. Do you let people you know in real life see your fandom creations?

Yup! My partner read my first two fics in support, and several of my IRL friends have read at least one of my fics because I didn't have the good sense to keep that information to myself when I was getting started. It's mortifying lol. But my friends are very cool people.

9. How do you feel about fanworks of fanworks? Has anyone ever made something based on a thing you made?

Fanworks of fanworks are amazing!!! I've been incredibly lucky to have that happen three times (post), and gotten asked for permission for a different continuation and a podfic that may eventually happen.

10. What feeling do you most often try to evoke with your creations?

Angst. Longing. Bits of compassion too.

11. Has someone ever paid your work a compliment (in any form) that has stuck with you, and what was it?

I love each and every one of my commenters ❤️

Honestly, the compliments that stick with me most are "I came back to reread this" or "this idea is still living rent-free in my head" type comments. I think that's what all writers and artists want - to feel that their art lasted in someone's mind beyond the first time seeing it.

12. What’s your favourite thing someone else has made that you’ve seen in the last 24 hours (and link it if you can find it again!)

Technically it was more than 24hrs ago but this art by @awaitingrain is so fucking cute!!

13. Give a small sneak preview of something you’re working on right now (eg a couple of sentences of fic from a WIP, a gif set theme, a small piece of a larger picture, whatever you feel happy to share)

I have a ficlet (that's getting out of control), here's a snippet:

Lena was cozying into the warmth of Kara’s body, when Lena spoke. “I’m thinking of visiting my mother’s house soon,” she said shyly. “I want to find out more about her. Where I came from.”

“That sounds lovely,” Kara said softly.

“Do you want to come with me?” Lena asked.

Kara hesitated.

14. Have you ever seen/read anything made by the person who tagged you? If so, what was it and what was your favourite thing about it? (pick a favourite if there are several)

Both of them are on my reading list 👀

15. Do you leave comments on fandom works, and if so how would you describe your comment style?

Some of my comments are very simple, some of my comments are very long. I've tried to get more consistent about commenting ever since starting to write, because I know how important it is. Unfortunately, I also read a lot less now that I'm writing more.

16. How many works in progress do you currently have? Will you finish them all?

I have 5 WIPs! I'm very confident I'll finish them all.

17. what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to finish a fandom project?

I guess my worldkiller Kara fic took a bit over 3 months, though part of that was spacing with the Supercorp Big Bang.

I tend to write fast. One of the things I'm actually trying to do is slow down to fill out the story a bit more.

18. Describe the thing you made most recently in a way that is technically true, but also completely misleading. Link the thing if it’s published!

Lena has a bad day in the lab (Clockwork).

19. Do you ever engage with fanworks for a fandom you’re not in? Which one(s) and how did you get into it?

I totally engage in fanart from other fandoms that cross my dashboard, particularly korrasami. I don't tend to read fanfic of stuff I haven't engaged in, though.

20. Recommend a fan work from your fandom to your followers

This fanvid is probably my favorite in the entire fandom.

Suggested tag list, but there are no rules here, follow your heart.

A mutual you have never actually spoken to but think seems cool - oh there are so many of these!! I am tagging @mssirey who I don't think I've had a proper convo with yet

The most recent person whose content you engaged with (eg read a fic, reblogged art, whatever form you feel best fits) - @thealieninhiding (though by the time I finish this very long post it might be someone else lol)

Someone whose content you saw via tags/reblogs and you followed them because of it - @jadedloverart!

Someone in your fandom that you think makes cool things - @ekingston

Someone in a different fandom that you think makes cool things - tagging @thatonebirdwrites who makes korrasami stuff too

Someone you always tag on things like this - I'm not sure there's someone I always tag but I'll pick @nottawriter as one of the people I frequently tag when I do these things

Someone you have never tagged before - @rebellionbear have I tagged you before?? you are cool so I am tagging you!

Someone you would like to get to know better - @femslashhistorian

Someone who makes art you like - @awaitingrain along with others above!

Someone who writes fics you like - @luthordamnvers along with others above!

#ask game #mel stuff

[teecupangel]

Hi, I don't know if you know call of duty : modern warfare 1 and 2 but this been brainrotting me cos just imagine Desmond ending up enlisted in the millitary by some weird chance (like an undercovered mission after surviving from the Temple) and gets promoted really quick and somehow got to be got selected to be in task force 141 (they're SAS) and Desmond is like how the fuck I got selected? And everyone is like newbies doesn't take down very muscular soldiers four times their size easily and can walk silently on their feet. I also see him like some hot twink in the millitary because of Ezio charisma from his bleeds or maybe in an intimidating mysterious character because of the scar. I hope I didn't annoy you with this and btw I love your assassin's creed Ao3 works and would reread Yew Branches series and The White Aster of Masyaf 🥰❤

Hi nonny!

(Thank you! I'm so happy that the Yew Branches series and the White Aster of Masyaf so good that you would reread them and I would never be annoyed. I love getting asks of any kind and asks that makes me write plot are so fun to do ^w^)

So... My father and I play the campaign modes of all the COD games I can get my hands on for cheap XD (I have a soft spot for Advanced Warfare because the controls reminds me of Titantall 2 which is my favorite fps... next to Metro Last Light)

Unfortunately, this means that I haven’t played the reboot MW yet as I’m still waiting for them to go really cheap. :(

The OG MW Trilogy is my favorite COD campaign story though and I’ve seen some scenes so I have a vague idea of the plot of the reboot.

Anyway, let’s talk about how we can make this COD:MW x AC crossover work!

Of course, it will be set in Modern Day but that includes having all those advanced securities and other techs. Not to mention that military-grade tech is usually years ahead of the tech available to the public so it would be very risky for Desmond to falsify his records even if this was a joint Assassin-Erudito mission. Not just because of the army itself but also because Abstergo has got to have an ally or a plant there somewhere.

There is also that little thing with Abstergo posting his photos everywhere and going “have you seen this man?” but we’ll get back to that later.

I did briefly consider the idea of making this about Desmond joining the US army instead of becoming a bartender (maybe even going by the name 'Johnson' hmmmm?) but that wouldn't work since all those medical checkups would have flagged him immediately.

However…

A lot of military personnel having missions on foreign soil usually have a translator with them. Not only that, these translators are usually locals and, depending on the urgency and priority of the mission, background checks of translators could be spotty at times.

Enter Desmond using the fake id of one Eddie Richtofen (who is voiced by Nolan North in COD).

Now, in this setup, the mission has to be somewhere his Bleeds could help. This means a mission that needs a translator fluent in Italian, Arabic, or French. He’ll join as a translator for a ‘run in the mill’ job being conducted by the US Army, specifically by the US Army Rangers, 1st Battalion, 75th Regiment, Hunter 2-1 with Sergeant Foley and Private Ramirez.

They’re a special task force but this was meant to be one of the easy ones. Just a search and retrieve operation. Unfortunately, intel is too barebone so they have Desmond act as their translator when they need to talk to locals. Desmond was just there to confirm if there have been local Templar activities in the area and tagged along to make it easier to do recon.

Shit goes straight to the fan almost immediately because Desmond realizes all the locals they’re talking to are red. He and Ramirez have a kind of budding friendship going on because Desmond feels a kindred spirit for the quiet Ramirez who keeps getting ordered to do shit so he talks to Ramirez about it. Not about the Eagle Vision itself but about how something is just off with these locals. Something’s not right and all Desmond has is his guts.

Ramirez believes him because Desmond hasn’t lied to them and he gets Foley and the rest to be cautious.

That saves them when they get ambushed and the locals turn out to be an extremist group.

Things turned into a fucking shitstorm when the target they were sent to retrieve turns out to be a POE that is now hooked into this metal chamber and is emitting off the chart energy reading.

They have to retreat without retrieving the target because the extremists got reinforcement and Ramirez and Desmond get caught in a blast that sends them flying. Just as five men are about to shoot them, all five men dropped to the ground.

Desmond tries to get up but stops because he’s pretty sure he just broke a rib (or three) and sees three men quickly getting to their position. One of them knelt just ahead of them, semiautomatic aimed in front of them while the other two knelt next to Desmond and Ramirez.

The man next to Desmond wearing a tactical vest over a short sleeved black shirt informed calmly into the small radio strapped to his vest, “Bravo 7-1 to Bravo 0-6. We found two of the Americans.”

“Good work, Soap. Bring them in.”

“Roger that.”

And that’s when Desmond blacks out.

.

.

When Desmond wakes up, he’s now on a military base and he and Ramirez get debriefed about what just happened.

Long story short, Task Force 141 received more information about the POE (codename ‘Soma’) and they believe it’s being transported to Makarov who is their main target.

They still have no idea what ‘Soma’ is meant to do but those energy readings they had retrieved from Ramirez had given them an idea that it could be used to power something.

Or, worse, be used to cause a country-ending explosion.

Whatever Soma is meant to do, they must find it and intercept it before it could get to Makarov.

Of course, because there were American casualties, this has now become a joint mission between the US Army and SAS.

Taskforce 141 will be leading the operations and Ramirez gets drafted to join them as part of the whole ‘joint mission’ thing. Desmond gets roped in because they saw how he managed to take out many of the extremists with freaking knife throws and how everyone had a hard time seeing him as he stealth his way to taking out the extremists.

Of course, Desmond’s whole situation as part of the mission is iffy even when they received orders to take him in from the higher ups but someone Captain Price trusts vouches for him.

Captain MacMillan who may or may not be an Assassin who knows Bill Miles or may just be an ally of the Assassins. All Desmond knows is that MacMillan vouched for him with a “He’s my friend’s estranged son. Good man, terrible father. Kid went world-hopping to get away from his bastard of a father when he was sixteen.”

Not only that, this whole joint mission was scrambled together in a hurry and it was not helped by the fact that they need to find and retrieve Soma before it reaches Makarov so the Assassins were able to cobble together Desmond’s cover story and they had helped from the higher-ups in the US to make it all legit.

So Desmond Miles is now a military kid with a retired father who have all his missions classified. He’s now using his real name because the Assassins weren’t exactly that smart and they were on a time crunch too.

His world-hopping turned to him joining a secret task force (which may or may not have been implied to be the CIA) and the whole ‘terrorist thing’ was a way to get him some ‘street-cred’ so he could go undercover and infiltrate a secret terrorist group.

“Wait, if you were undercover since 2012, why are you now pretending to be a translator?” Soap asked with a slight frown.

“Mission was done.” Desmond shrugged, “Got a new mission. My handlers told me this translator job would be a good way to ease me back into the field.”

“And now you’re part of a joint task force under stressful time pressure. Wow, mate. Your luck sucks.”

“Yeah… it’s like the world hates me.”

.

.

.

Unorganized Notes:

Soap, Ramirez, and Desmond are usually called the three stooges and they get roped into doing tasks together a lot during missions.

Desmond’s Haytham Bleed once slips and he starts speaking in his posh British accent when he gets into an argument with a member of Shadow Company, after that Gaz starts teasing him and calling him ‘milord’ much to his chagrin.

141 starts making bets on what is Desmond’s actual nationality. Haytham’s Bleed has Gaz firmly believe that Desmond is from old money (like all boys boarding school trust fund baby type) and is a British pretending to be an American. Soap thinks he’s European, probably Italian or French. Ghost didn’t want to join in but Soap is persistent so fuck it. He picks Middle Eastern because he once heard Desmond speak Arabic and Ghost just knows that accent is Syrian. (“How do you know his accent is Syrian?” “I just know.” “That’s not an answer, LT.”)

They meet up with Alejandro and Rudy later on because they believe Soma is traveling to Mexico and all of 141 loses it when they learn Desmond speaks Spanish (thanks to Ezio traveling to Spain for a bit)

Because of Desmond’s secretive past, his ability to turn anything into a weapon (even a freaking spoon), being a polygot, being very quick on his feet but staying quiet even when he’s holding a grenade launcher of all things, everyone is pretty sure he’s CIA.

Desmond’s unofficial nickname is ‘Spooks’ because they believe he’s CIA and he has a habit of making people jump whenever he’s suddenly next to them and they didn’t even hear him.

I don’t like how they made Shepherd into a typical corrupt military commander in the reboot so we’re sticking with OG Shepherd’s personality in this idea…………… this does mean that he has a more drastic plan for the future though

Speaking of Shepherd, Shepherd is an Assassin in this one. To be more precise, he’s the Bellec type of Assassin.

Captain Price has an idea of what the Assassins and Templars are but he’s not fully in the know. However, he does know Berg because he once had a mission with him back when Berg was part of the Finnish Special Forces (and Berg’s name was part of the shortlist for 141 members, he was removed when Price learned of his Abstergo affiliations)

Speaking of: Kate Laswell has been secretly looking into Abstergo but she’s been hitting brick walls and she’s sure it’s because someone in Abstergo is on to her. Since she’s CIA, she doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty and she’s been secretly colluding with Erudito to gain more intel on Abstergo. She doesn’t know about the Assassins yet but she’s sure that this little favor of helping Desmond be a CIA operative (with possible deniability of course) means that Desmond is part of Erudito and that Soma is connected to Abstergo.

Both Kate and Shepherd prepared different backstories for Desmond and both of them didn’t know about the other’s plans until Desmond was already noted to be a military kid turned CIA operative with missions filled with so many black lines it would have been easier to just leave full black papers on his files instead. That was… an awkward conversation to have.

Desmond is on his own because it's too risky to stay in contact with Shaun and Rebecca. However, Shaun and Rebecca leave messages that Desmond could only find if he uses his Eagle Vision in the army bases they're sure Desmond would stop by (thanks to Kate's intel). One of them leads to a box that has Desmond's hidden blade.

Captain Price may or may not have Eagle Vision. Desmond isn't sure yet.

#technically ramirez doesn't have to be in this plot but fuck it #ramirez is one of our fav cod mc #ramirez! add the proper tags! #no seriously i don't know how to tag this properly #i guess we just do the usual #assassin's creed #desmond miles #james ramirez #john mactavish #john soap mactavish #john price #captain john price #kyle garrick #kyle gaz garrick #simon riley #simon ghost riley #task force 141 #general shepherd #kate laswell #alejandro vargas #rodolfo parra #rodolfo rudy parra #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod mwii #modern warefare 2 #ask and answer #teecup writes/has a plot #fic idea: assassin's creed

[llovelyclouds]

notes on augustine

my section for augustine (and mercymorn) are pretty brief, since for the others I was taking down any information that hinted at their personality, but we know them! so i didn't have to do that! nonetheless, here are all my notes on what seemed like relevant information about augustine during my reread:

(you can find links to the other posts in this project here!)

AUGUSTINE

titles:

First saint to ascend, first gen, founded the fifth, saint of patience (from BOE) source piotra

name origin and meaning (from wikipedia lol)

notes:

Spirit magic generalist (htn. pg. 173)

John says that Cristabel's name would upset Augustine (htn. pg. 177)

Augustine doesn't mind talking about Cristabel though, and says: "A total delight. Effervescent. Kind to animals and children. A master of the sword. Did not have the intellect you'd ordinarily find in a sandwich or an orange, and was a sickening twerp into the bargain. The Eighth House will never see her like again." (htn. pg. 177)

G1deon has caused Augustine a lot of trouble in the last 40 years (htn. pg. 268)

Augustine developed his smoking habit to impress Pyrrha (htn. pg. 275)

Extremely proficient in river based magic. Not as proficient as Cassiopiea, but enough that John thinks he could bring an RB’s brain and body into the river (htn. pg. 337)

John says that G1deon doesn’t talk about her (alecto), but Augustine and Mercy still feel guilty about what happened (htn. pg. 345)

Gideon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)

"you picked the wrong man to enter a suicide pact with. I hate 'em. Cristabel might have undone all my good work with Alfred, but here comes the reckoning." - Augustine (htn. pg. 487)

was brought on John's team because he was a "glycerol-6 genius" (ntn. pg. 13)

“I remember A- and M-... they were alive… we all hid behind a kitchen table. I remember their hands in my hands… I remember A- telling me something, and M- saying, We’re together. We’ll go together. But they found us, they were already there. They shot A- right in front of us… hauled me out… M- said, Take John alive. He’s worth more to you alive. And they shot her.” (ntn. pg. 406)

#junos silly little locked tomb thoughts #tlt #the locked tomb #tlt meta #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #ntn spoilers #alecto the ninth #augustine the first #augustine tlt

[asukiess]

Fanfiction Year in Review 2023

happy new year. I’ve never filled something like this out… but  as I published more fics last year than I did in 2022, and I have as many WIPs in the works right now, it seems like a good idea so I can reflect next year 😌

(thank you to kasienda and bbutterflies for tagging me in their posts!)

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

sunblind - Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi

hearth – adrinette, adrien & emilie

switching shenanigans - Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Félix Fathom

the clouds above (opened up) – emonette & emodrien

backwards walk – ladywalker bed sharing!!!!!!!!!

back to you (just one last time) – ladywalker bed sharing (spicy) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

a rose by any other name – loveydrien <3

2 Number of words written: 

Published: 47,661

Unpublished: 67,068

Knowing I’ve written over 100k words in a year is pretty cool! Especially since I only wrote 20k the year before that. I wrote all the wip titles down in a spreadsheet at least.

3 Your most popular fic:

I think the clouds above. I definitely did not expect that kind of reception when I first published it! I’m really thankful people still checked it out after the Paris special aired, too. It was one of the more fun fics I wrote, and I feel I actually don’t talk about how much of an Adrinette girlie I am. Even pre-reveal Adrinette is incredibly meaningful to me! I wrote this fic in a few hours and I was buzzing with excitement.  I have another Paris special idea, but it’s… very much an AU I feel. Like it would be somewhere between the clouds above characterization and more canon compliant. So I am not sure if it’s something worth pursuing.

4 Your personal fav:

BACKWARDS WALK SWEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually didn’t know if I’d ever write Ladywalker again after TBSYM? I had small ideas but something switched in me honestly after allowing myself to like… write them in a trope. I’ve reread this fic so many times and it still gets me at all the emotional beats, and I feel the prose is strong in this one. Sometimes I can get a little wordy…! Anyway. this is when I felt I could write them again, and write more.

5 Your fav scene:

Published: I think the last scene of a rose by any other name.

Unpublished: I think this takes the cake

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

Honestly, almost all of hearth. I took like, a six month break from writing it. Came back to it because it kept itself burrowed in my mind, but I redid the beginning like, three times? And I feel the ending is not as strong as I want it to be. I don’t think I’ve actually ever reread it, either. I won’t say I dislike it, but I think it was one of the harder writing projects of the year for many reasons.

The good: the Adrinette is exactly my comfort flavor. I’m proud of the statue scenes.

The bad: the pacing, the plot is a little loose, the prose can be a little ‘can’t see the trees through the forest’ for me, the ending….

The comments on it, however, have been some of the most meaningful things to me, and I am endlessly grateful!!! I almost feel like this was such a tumultuous work for me, that every thoughtful comment that called it poetic, that they wanted to savor it, meant a lot to me.

7 A line of writing you’re proud of: 

I could not pick just one. I got lost in my WIPs for like half an hour.

8 A comment that touched you: 

how do I choose?

All the comments on hearth, as I said. I can’t put into words how I feel about this fic, but I see the reflection of the effort and love when I read hearth’s comments. I could not pick a single favorite out of all of those…!

sunny who has graced not just me, but a wide swath of creators and artists with their thoughtful, engaging comments. I could not for the life of me choose just one, but maaaaybe:

Everyone who left tags in reblogs like “NEW ASUKIESS FIC?” or when whiskers complimented my ladywalker.

When piso said the following:

And huey’s comment that just. It connected with me SO MUCH because they GOT IT. sometimes you just get a comment and all you can do is a funny little victorious dance and shake their hand because yeah. Yeah.

All of kasienda’s comments. Literally starstruck is all I can say hehe.

Oh and ALSO when rosekasa said this.

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

honestly just creating through a lot of life bullshit lmao

11 Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I really don’t know! Knee-jerk:

Publish as many fics while keeping them solidly confident. Things I’m proud of.

Write a fic in the shape/form that I absolutely adore: non-linear, short chapters. These are vibe-excellent fics. Need to write one like this.

Balancing angst with fluff.

That’s about it really! <3

12 Anyone you would like to thank?

All of the littlebugs for sharing all their behind the scenes of creating; for offering support; for always been a positive support system; for always sharing in celebrating others wins and comforting when things are bad. I’ve actually never been apart of a creating community like this, and it was not only eye-opening at several points, it was quite a turning point for me, creatively speaking.

piso and blu for creating Loveybug and sharing her; for being just as brainrotted about Catwalker; for always being such wonderful people; for pretty much…everything?

sunny for yknow. all the things I’ve told you in the past six months! <3

mostmagical, bbutterflies, neurovascularentrapta, for being SO supportive and going wild with me over ideas and being SO SWEET!!! I appreciate you all enormously.

Literally everyone who has sent me a comment, on ao3 or in my inbox, or even just shared my work for others.

#long post #it’s just a lot of talk lmao #Asukies ramble

[singaporesainz]

Multiple hot takes in this one:

I think people who keep up with wags are weird especially those who make fan pages and defend them like they know them especially for the wags who literally never interact with people so you don’t even know their personalities. I think it’s also weird when you see a photo of a driver with their partner ie Oscar and lily and people go oh she’s Barbie and he’s there I guess like you can compliment her but putting down a person to compliment another is crazy to me. It’s just icky because if someone said that to my partner or about them I’d be upset. It’s just weird 😰 obviously there are exceptions for if they’re in their own field and you genuinely like their work then that’s okay. Like Alex’s gf lily who’s a pro golfer, but only liking their stuff when it’s attached to said driver and them being a wag is the weird bit.

Speaking of Oscar, this is more Charles fans, I love Charles a lot but those Charles fans who come out of the woodwork to use Oscar to put lando down is insane. Lando will have a bad stop and Oscar will do a good thing and I just see all these Charles fans saying Oscar finally showing lando he’s washed or I bet landos pissed Oscar won before him, which has been proven wrong on many occasions he’s proud of Oscar and does everything to bring it up knowing Oscar won’t really brag about it . Like you guys should be more worried about what war Ferrari is brewing over there instead of trying to make it seem like lando and Oscar hate eachother.

Which brings me to my third take, I love c2 content it’s great but people who are deluding themselves into thinking they’re besties is crazy. It’s okay they can just be teammates no one’s gonna die. I feel like people use the excuse oh well would you laugh with someone you hated? Uh yes especially if I have to work with them, you can also have good times with someone you don’t like. Plus they get paid for this so obviously theyre gonna laugh and do whatever to secure their seats. I’m not saying they hate eachother either I’m just saying they’re coworkers atleast and at most friends but those type of friends you make in certain classes so it makes time go faster ya know.

Also Carlos needs to muzzle his mother because lord I would not let my family members have twter accounts or social media accounts. The way you could literally lose your seat over something a family member likes is crazy. Like why was she beefing with Ferraris long standing driver you’d think she’d want her son to keep his chair especially since Carlos’ sponsor backing is leaving the team. I’d be all up on twter liking c2 content and even some Charles posts congratulating him on doing good like cmon. Shit talking your competitor isn’t gonna work with Carlos like it did his dad in rallying but that’s neither here nor there

One last thing which might be so controversial but like I gotta say it. Checo hate is ridiculous, Yes he made the woman should be in the kitchen statement but you have to understand that was a long time ago and after that incident he apologized profusely and he even has an organization to help young women in motorsports and always mentions the women who work in motorsports. Yes he shouldn’t have said it in the first place but he has learned and grown and showed that he grew from that. It’s a lot more than some of the current drivers who have said or laughed at jokes at women’s expenses and never apologize. hate him for cheating, like honestly there’s a few drivers I don’t like because of cheating that’s just a moral thing on my end but I think the unnecessary hate is unneeded.

This just came to me while rereading this but also those people who compared Bianca being ableist to lando moaning in stream are mad weird. So obsessed too like yall are missing the whole point of why everyone’s upset just so you can whine about how you don’t like lando like he’s not a 25 year old man who can do what he wants. Lando being silly and horny on stream is not the same as using autism as a derogatory word towards another driver who is doing your dream job ((finishing 27th in your championship while your teammates all finished 1-2-3 is embarrassing) (don’t even get me started on her exploiting her brother))

Anyways just wanted to get that off my chests sorry for the essay 🤞😺

girlie pop this is an ESSAY, and im glad you decided to get it off your chest on my blog fr. though i will say that i do not have it in me to respond to every point to great detail so, sorry.

keeping up with wags -> i've been saying this and i agree. wag obsessed people are fucking weird i could go into heavy detail and i have.

oscar -> i didn't think charles fans were doing that thought it was just people who had a general distaste for lando. i've seen the discourse about how lando is probably hurt/salty/angry but people like to make something out of nothing. theyre bored.

c2 -> my personal take is theyre strictly work friends. like neither of them would go out of their way to try and hangout beyond the track, but they get along fine when they need to. i dont think there are any ill feelings there btjm

carlos's mom -> yeah don't know what to say about this except she's a mom being a mom, and not realizing that her likes are public. can't speak to reyes and her ways, as i've said before i try not to pay too much attention to watch goes on outside of carlos really.

checo hate -> i know it exists but i havent come across it to get into detail. but wild loud hate on any driver i think is fucking ridiculous. like the haters who are loud and proud and harassing the driver?? theyre gross and pathetic.

bianca discourse -> didn't know people were comparing??? girlie idk what side of social media you're on but it sounds like a weird and scary place. and people who are doing that are just trying to find a way to diminish her and validate their burning desire to just hate on her.

#hot take hotline #wag discourse #oscar piastri #c2 #carlos sainz #checo perez #bianca busamante