#sincerely a very tired aromantic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

acilykos · 2 years

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Senku Ishigami is Aromantic and Asexual and here is why:

Because I'm sick and tired of Senku ships (yes, the queer platonic ones too because he's a loveless AroAce, and the x reader. Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble) and because AroAces deserve good representation where we’re not labled as heartless or boring (because Senku has a heart and is kind, as much as he likes to give snide remarks at times, and is an AMAZING character), I have gathered every instance where Senku shows clear disinterest (and distaste) in romance and sexuality to prove once and for all that he has been 10 billion percent Aromantic and Asexual since day ONE.

I will talk about his responses to romance and physical touch as well as look at his "romantic relationships" throughout the manga (We’re talking about the entire work, so spoilers ahead!!)

I've cited the chapters, as well as have included the panels to which I'm referring in this post so you all can look at the proof yourselves and added the various links too.

Also Happy Pride Month everyone, it’s finally the Aces' Day of it, so it felt right to make the post today!

Now then, get excited!!

On his Sexuality:

Unlike Taiju, Senku seems to averse the idea of romance, already seen in Chapter 1, as he mocks Taiju's interest in, but refusal to act on five year long crush on, Yuzuriha, even having created a "love potion" that actually was petrol and offering it to Taiju. His expression when Yuzuriha was revived in the same dramatic sense as would be in a cliché romance, points to Senkū being very nonplussed by the show of romantic acts as well (Chapter 5).

Senku seemed equally unamused when Tsukasa stated his admiration towards him “Senku, you are… an incredible man.” (Chapter 4), replying to Tsukasa “A man who’d praise another man to his face… is either flirting or scheming. What’re you really trying to say?” (Chapter 4), clearly showing that both the flirting and the scheming are equally unwelcome.

He also mocks Hyoga‘s mannerism during their battle, saying he behaved as if this was some sort of „awkward“ love confession and that he is not interested even if he is „divorced“ (Chapter 80).

Senku claims romance and love to only cause problems due to its highly illogical nature, „A brain clouded by love is the most irrational kind. It leads to nothing but trouble.“, as he explains to Kohaku (Chapter 17) because he mistook her interest in him as romantic. Even saying „Annoying crap like that makes me wanna curl up and die.“.

He instantly dismissed the idea of getting Garnet, Sapphire and Ruby any boyfriends, saying “Not a chance we’ll make one of those with science!!” (Chapter 22) with a very shocked and appalled face.

When it comes to inquiring about his type, he doesn’t give any actual answers, like when Ruby, one of the prettiest girls in the Ishigami Village, asked what his type of girl is and Senku replied, without even paying any attention to her “Girls who can pump tons of oxygen into an iron forge.” (Chapter 23), a blunt answer as Kohaku calls him out on using Ruby’s ‘interest’ for his personal gain with no sincerity or care for Ruby herself.

He also responses to Nikki’s exclamation of possibly falling in love with him with clear repulsion, kindly asking her not to do that and to “nip that bud” (Chapter 66) as he does not want people to have romantic feelings towards himself. As seen with Kohaku and Nikki, he is not afraid of telling people openly that their romantic feelings are not welcomed when directed at himself, trying to kill any aroused feelings towards him as soon as possible.

He also stays unaffected by Amaryllis love confession as she tried to fool them, looking absolutely baffled and repulsed by this advance and act (Chapter 105). Senku cuts Amaryllis off, saying “I’m the one for you? Blah, blah, whatever. Where’s the treasure?” (Chapter 105), showing not even a millimetre of interest in her and being his practical self in search of the Soyuz capsule. Kohaku add to it, saying that Amaryllis has finally “Met her match” (Chapter 105), which shocks Amaryllis, making her exclaim “Resisting my irresistible charms? Is that even possible?” (Chapter 105) as everyone else, including Soyuz and Gen found her very appealing. Gen even claimed that “Dear Senku is immune to those acts” (Chapter 105) before proceeding to flirt with Amaryllis himself. As we later see as well, Amaryllis starts to understand that Senku is uninterested in romance, able to tell from Kohaku hugging him, which Senku does not reciprocate, that he has no romantic interest in others as she says that it’s “not that kind of hug” (Chapter 138).

Senku is apathetic and repulsed to any advances made towards him, as is also later seen with Luna. Every relationship he has had was only due to circumstantial needs and always with a face of pure confusion and / or a certain amount of distaste, like his accidental marriage to Ruri, after Chrome fell unconscious and couldn't fight and he in his stead won their staged battle for the village chief's position, and whom he divorced seconds later, only wanting to take the alcohol of the village to finish the sulfa drug for Ruri (Chapter 39 - 40).

Later on, after he was shot by Stanley, and as an effort to save his comrades as well as his own life, he agrees to Luna's proposal to become her boyfriend, claiming it to be "Sorta like a political marriage!" (Chapter 178), again showing no actual romantic interest in her, which is supported time and time again by characters claiming "that you people don't know Senku at all" if they think his interest in a person is of romantic nature (examples: Chapter 51, Chapter 178).

Chelsea even claims that "Doesn't sound like you're an item to me." (Chapter 178) with Kohaku agreeing that she assumed as much as Senku isn't romantically attracted to anyone. Another example for it is when he wanted to gather information on Homura, who was spying on them, and Ginro thought Senku meant it in a romantic or sexual way, to which Chrome and Kohaku both replied that "No, pretty sure that's not the case. You people don't know Senku at all." (Chapter 51).

When he was a young child and wondered why the moon was following him, Byakuya jokingly insistent on the moon loving him "Having a thing for him" (Chapter 42), to which Senku replied in disgust, claiming that he was "doing serious science" in the Anime and "Huh? Enough bedtime stories. Gimme cold, hard science facts." in the manga with a displeased expression (Chapter 42).

When Luna expressed doubts about her dating Senku, since later was gone working against Xeno, she said "I mean you're not about to tell me... That Senku ten billion percent doesn't give a crap about dating... and would say whatever I want to hear... Just to accomplish his goals, right...? Because obviously nobody'd ever be that outta line... Right?" to which every character present made clear that he does those things, with Kinro adding that "Actually, in order to further his goals, he even went as far as getting married." with Luna expressing shock that he is married, to which Kinro clarified that "Well, then he ended it..." to which she again expressed shock (Chapter 163).

He despises and is disgusted by physical contact, escaping any hugs (Chapter 74) and even threatening Taiju for hugging him buck-naked (Chapter 1). He also shows disgust at Amaryllis act to charm him as she hugs him tightly and expresses her “love” towards him (Chapter 105). Another show of absolute disgust from physical contact being when Kohaku kissed his cheek in an effort to fool Kirisame from discovering that they're intruders and enemies (Chapter 107).

Another strong instance is the amount of disgust he expressed at the thought of having had to cuddle with Magma to prevent hypothermia (Chapter 56), calling it the "Worst-case scenario" and even putting emphasis on it being the worst-case.

At best, Senku exhibits little to no reaction about naked bodies, being very neutral about the fact and rationalising that in an emergency like that, it doesn’t matter whether or not one is naked, making no comments about appearances or the like. The complete opposite of Taiju, who became very worried for Yuzuriha’s comfort, not wanting her to be naked at revival (Chapter 3). He’s equally unimpressed with Ryusui at his revival and the confidence he showed, being more bewildered at Ryusui’s sudden comment about his naked state being “tacky” in front of three beauties (Chapter 85).

There are only a few rare times where he actually allows physical contact, most of them being little touches or even hugs after hard-fought battles or difficult tasks (not counting in the high fives and handshakes since they're not as "intimate" and Senku clearly has no problem with them), such as allowing Kohaku to hug him after defeating Ibara on Treasure Island (Chapter 138), noticeably not hugging her back. Amaryllis in that instance explains how the hug they shared is not of romantic love, saying "No, it isn’t like that. It’s not that kind of hug.“ when Gen claimed that Kirisame still thinks they're a couple when they absolutely aren't.

Another time being that he allows Suika, after seven years of her trying to break the second world-wide petrification event, to hug him (Chapter 196, start of Chapter 197), as well as Taiju and Chrome, after they seized victory and regained control of the Miracle Cave (Chapter 75). Here Inagaki himself confirmed that Senku is not the type of person to be considerate of others feelings, so he doesn't hug back. Even in the special chapter Senkū doesn't hug Kohaku back while lost on sea and doesn't even blush, despite the circumstances, which Kohaku calls out (Chapter 232.5).

When during the Communications Arc they catch Homura, to avoid her informing the Tsukasa Empire of Senku's recreation of telephones, Senku pinned her to the ground, to which Homura told him to be careful where he touches with Senku replying "That won't work on me, so drop the act." (Chapter 62), having her show a defeated face that Senku exhibited no reaction in being in such a compromising position. He also implies that he is not one of the men Homura can flirt with even after civilisation is up again (but considering her own affections towards Hyoga, she also wouldn’t try) "After our scientific civilization is up and running, there'll be plenty of impressionable young boys for you to flirt with.".

Senku, unlike other characters, has never been stated to be or have been in any romantic entanglement before the petrification event either in the Q&As (Big example in Volume 22 or 23 as seen in this translation from Reddit, the link is at the end of the post), as well as the relationship chart from Chapter 179, where love interests are shown, but Senkū himself has none because he’s not attracted to anyone romantically.

Even with the fanbook, the types of people each character enjoy are general statements, not indicative of romantic/sexual attraction considering that most characters talk about and say "people" in general. Senkū's for example are "people who do what needs to be done", which is reflected by the people he's surrounded by, as he says he likes those who quickly catch onto the situation, for example Ryūsui and Stanley, who get a verbal shout-out (Chapter 85, Chapter 221) since Senkū values intelligence.

He has yet to refer to himself as being in a relationship with anyone too and by the end of the manga, Senku stays single with his sole focus still being science, confirmed by Luna still trying to win Senku over, showing she hasn’t had any success in the past years since they first met (Chapter 232).

Senku's sole interest has been in science and science alone. Rather he exploits the romantic entanglements of others for himself, like getting Chrome on his site to make his Kingdom of Science grow using Chrome's attraction to Ruri (Chapter 21). The only two instances of him being in a relationship have been purely accidental and / or of strategic nature to reach a goal.

On Ruri:

Never mind that Ruri herself isn’t interested in Senku, their accidental marriage due to Chrome fainting before he and Senku could finish their staged fight for the position of village chief and Ruri's husband was solely completed on Senku's part to get his hands on the resources necessary for the completion of the sulfa drug to save Ruri's life, claiming it to be „Aaargh… This just got a whole lot more annoying“. He divorced her barely a few seconds in, as he wasn't allowed to leave the village due to his "marriage celebration" to which he instantly uttered "Then I demand a divorce" (Chapter 40) before taking off with Kaseki, Kohaku and the alcohol to complete the drug. Ever since their divorce has been referenced as pure comedic effect, even from Senku when he ridiculed Hyoga during their fight saying "What is this, an awkward confession of love at school? Hate to break it to you, but I'm married. Well, divorced... But still." (Chapter 80) as the other wanted to Senku to join forces with him. Kinro confirmed later on that the marriage was only "to reach his goals" (Chapter 163).

On Luna:

Their relationship is very one-sided on Luna's part, as Senku does not refer to Luna as his relationship partner, nor exhibits any interest in her that goes beyond her usefulness, as the only one with surgical and medical knowledge and skills, and as an ally. When Luna expressed her doubts about their arrangement saying "I mean you're not about to tell me... That Senku ten billion percent doesn't give a crap about dating... and would say whatever I want to hear... Just to accomplish his goals, right...? Because obviously nobody'd ever be that outta line... Right?" with everyone in her vicinity making clear that he did and that it's not his first time, as he got married to Ruri to "Further his goals'' as Kinro explains to Luna (Chapter 163). Senku calls their arrangement to be like a "political marriage" (Chapter 178), again clearly showing that there are no romantic or sexual feelings on his part towards her. Chelsea, as well as other characters, have noted that they aren't or don't seem like being in a relationship (Chapter 178) and Kohaku agreeing with her, claiming "This is Senku we're talking about, so I assumed as much" (Chapter 178), the only one claiming it to be one being Luna herself who is a very idealistic romantic herself, blind towards Senku's disinterest in romance and sexuality.

Senku has shown multiple times throughout the entire work his disinterest and open distaste towards both romantic and sexual advances, actively saying that love creates problems and is illogical next to stating that crushes and love is "Annoying crap" and makes him want to "curl up and die" (Chapter 17), next to openly telling Homura that her flirting and attempt to embarrass him on an intimate level "does not work on me" (Chapter 62) He has equally as often shown time and time again that he despises any kind of physical contact, referring to it twice as "worst-case scenario" (Chapter 56) even if it could save his life. Also evading every sort of attempted hug and showing displeasure at even a fake kiss on the cheek in a situation where he was forced to pretend being in a relationship (Chapter 107). Just like Ryusui has been only through the work itself confirmed as interested in both women and men, Senku has been confirmed to be aromantic and asexual through his open distaste towards romance and sexuality which is also called out in his own wikia.

Senku's "romantic" relationships have been purely for strategic purposes, mostly to literally save a or his own life.

Senku's sole interest lies in science and his self-proclaimed job and goal to save all of humanity, exhibiting zero interest in romance, sex or any sort of the like. He's a loveless AroAce. However, he can and does form strong friendships, caring for the people in his life in his own special kind of way.

Quotes:

"DON'T DARE HUG ME ALL NAKED LIKE THAT! I'LL KILL YOU!" - Senku to Taiju as later tries to hug him at their reunion after 3700 years, Chapter 1

“Wait! Senku!” “?!” “Yuzuriha… is naked!! We can’t revive her like this!” “Really, more irrational nonsense outta you? Who caaaares about crap like that? We live in a brutal stone world now!! Nobody’s gonna mind seeing a bare butt or someone’s junk swinging around!” - Senkū being completely unimpressed and neutral about naked bodies in the stone world emergency situation, Chapter 3

“Senku, you are… an incredible man.” […] “A man who’d praise another man to his face… is either flirting or scheming. What’re you really trying to say?” - Senku reacting negatively towards Tsukasa’s admiration towards him, Chapter 4

"Sheesh... Annoying crap like that makes me want to curl up and die. I mean really? You've got a crush on me now? In an Emergency like this...? [...] A brain clouded by love is the most irrational kind. It leads to nothing but trouble." - Senku to Kohaku, after she expresses that she likes him, Chapter 17

''Then I demand a divorce!'' - Senku, trying to escape with the liquor for the sulfa drug, Chapter 40

"Huh? Enough with the bedtime stories. Gimme cold, hard science." - Senku in response to Byakuya telling him that the moon must have a thing for him, Chapter 42

"No, pretty sure that's not the case. You people don't know Senku at all." - Chrome and Kohaku in response to Ginro thinking Senku is interested in Homura romantically or sexually, Chapter 51

"We avoided the ''worst-case scenario''! [...] Wrong! I would've kept freezing... And then the worst-case scenario would've been... Hugging Magma tight to conserve body heat..." - Senku explaining to Chrome and Magma his worst-case scenario, Chapter 56

''Heh, heh, heh... That won't work on me, so drop the act. After our scientific civilization is up and running, there'll be plenty of impressionable young boys for you to flirt with." - Senku in response to Homura trying to get him to let her go, Chapter 62

“Hee hee… I could see myself falling for you.” “Let’s nip that in the bud, ‘kay?” Senku’s response to Nikki’s declaration of possibly falling in love with him, Chapter 66

''I wanted… To speak with you, Senku. Just the two of us!'' ''What is this, an awkward confession of love at school? Hate to break it to you, but I’m married. Well, divorced… But still.“ - Senku mocking Hyoga as Hyoga wanted to get Senku on his side, Chapter 80

“I’m the one for you? Blah, blah, whatever. Where’s the treasure?” “She’s met her match” “Resisting my irresistible charms? Is that even possible?” “Until civilisation is back up and running, I’m afraid dear Senku is immune to those acts” - Senku, Kohaku, Amaryllis and Gen as Amaryllis was shocked to find out that Senku is immune against her charms, Chapter 105

"I mean you're not about to tell me... That Senku ten billion percent doesn't give a crap about dating... and would say whatever I want to hear... Just to accomplish his goals, right...? Because obviously nobody'd ever be that outta line... Right?" - Luna, as he expresses her doubts about her relationship with Senku, Chapter 163

"Actually, in order to further his goals, he even went as far as getting married." "HE'S ALREADY HITCHED?!" "Well, then he ended it..." "HE'S A DIVORCÉ?!" - Kinro confirming to Luna that Senku indeed tricked her, Chapter 163

''Sorta like a political marriage!" - Senku to Luna's proposal that she'll save him if he becomes her boyfriend, Chapter 178

"Doesn't sound like you're an item to me." - Chelsea, as Luna explains how she started "dating" Senku, Chapter 178

"This is Senku we're talking about, so I assumed as much." - Kohaku agreeing with Chelsea that Luna and Senku aren't dating, Chapter 178

Citations:

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-1/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-3/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-4/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-5/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-17/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-21/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-22/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-23/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-39/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-40/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-42/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-51/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-56/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-62/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-66/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-74/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-75/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-80/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-85/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-105/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-107/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-138/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-163/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-178/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-179/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-196-scientist-all-alone/

https://dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-197-a-stony-eden-and-its-forbidden-fruit/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-chapter-221/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-manga-chapter-232/

https://w1.dr-stone-online.com/manga/dr-stone-manga-chapter-232-5/

https://dr-stone.fandom.com/wiki/Senku_Ishigami

https://www.reddit.com/r/DrStone/comments/qjnpe0/dr_stone_vol_22_23_extras_translated/

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aro-culture-is · 2 years

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hi, I identify as bi but I’m questioning if I’m aro because I know I’ve had crushes before but I can only count one, *maybe* two that felt like the classic crush I’ve always heard about. i have a complicated opinion on love, but I wouldn’t mind being in a romantic relationship if I actually romantically liked the person, but I haven’t romantically liked anyone since I was 13. but also I don’t mind the idea of kissing; I’ve never done it but I think I would enjoy it. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship because I wanted to focus on school and quite honestly didn’t see the point of it in high school, and whenever I think about trying for a relationship I have to think hard about who to develop feelings for, which I realize probably isn’t the best or healthiest way to start a romantic endeavor. I have tons of friends whom I care for very deeply, but platonically. i love shipping and even though romance in media sometimes makes me uncomfortable or a kissing scene makes me roll my eyes and hit the fast forward button, I do think I feel a buzz in my heart when the relationship is actually well-written. so I think I like love. i just haven’t felt like I could be in love since I was 13.

is this experience normal? have you heard about other aros feeling similarly? i just don’t know if I’m actually aro or just don’t know anyone I’d like romantically. I also have pretty low self-esteem, so I’m not sure if I subconsciously tried to stop any attraction from forming because I think nobody would like me back.

sincerely,

tired

ooh longer ask (/lh, i totally get it), gonna split this up to answer it for sure.

I know I’ve had crushes before but I can only count one, maybe two that felt like the classic crush I’ve always heard about. i have a complicated opinion on love, but I wouldn’t mind being in a romantic relationship if I actually romantically liked the person, but I haven’t romantically liked anyone since I was 13.

alright, so to start: i'm reading and answering as i go and then editing afterwards. my immediate thought here is "oh, woah, since you were 13?", as I know a lot of aromantic folks who thought as children they had crushes and later realized it was a strong platonic or aesthetic attraction mixed with some amatonormativity. this isn't a rule, just a trend I've witnessed.

but also I don’t mind the idea of kissing; I’ve never done it but I think I would enjoy it. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship because I wanted to focus on school and quite honestly didn’t see the point of it in high school, and whenever I think about trying for a relationship I have to think hard about who to develop feelings for, which I realize probably isn’t the best or healthiest way to start a romantic endeavor.

okay so! there's a bit to get into here. one: kissing may or may not be romantic, and some aro people like "romantic" kissing - you may want to think about if you are romance favorable and/or a romo aro.

"never been in a romantic relationship" because of the reasons you give... is classic aromantic explanations that tbh most alloro people don't actually follow in my experience. alloromantic people develop crushes just as a feeling towards others; it doesn't involve any conscious thought. rather than it being unhealthy to "think hard about who to develop feelings for", that sounds exactly like an aromantic person desperately trying to fit an amatonormative world and not understanding that romantic attraction does not work like that. like, ever. i have never heard an alloromantic person confident in their alloromantic identity say that they do that.

I have tons of friends whom I care for very deeply, but platonically. i love shipping and even though romance in media sometimes makes me uncomfortable or a kissing scene makes me roll my eyes and hit the fast forward button, I do think I feel a buzz in my heart when the relationship is actually well-written. so I think I like love. i just haven’t felt like I could be in love since I was 13.

Romance favorable. please, please look up this term, and consider that you are allowed to also dislike specific actions in specific contexts without it necessarily being related to identity. personally, I'm aro. I've never, ever felt romantic attraction. I adore shipping fictional characters in writing, i can't stand witnessing kissing scenes, and hate rom-coms. I don't like romantic actions performed towards myself, but other aros certainly can and do.

Lastly, orientation can change throughout your life. You may have been alloromantic or aro-spec as a child, and then not after 13. This could be for any number of reasons. I used to be aroace; and then suddenly, around the age of 19, I realized "oh hey woah, that was definitely sexual attraction towards that person. what?", and started having sexual attraction regularly. I have a variety of thoughts and feelings about how and why it may have happened then - but I liked sex and enjoyed it before then, even without the attraction.

i hope this has been a theme throughout but - yes YES YES. this is normal, I have heard about other aros feeling similarly, and in fact I have heard every single one of these things from aros. to the best of my knowledge, people with low self esteem still feel that attraction, and may consciously choose to repress it, but... honestly i don't think i can give a specific, factual statement on that, since self esteem is a collection of specific mentalities and not a medical term, per se. trauma can play a role in subconscious repression, but:

what labels you identify with should be for the you of today. labels can change. support the you who is here right now.

labels are about community and support. they are ways to categorize yourself to connect with yourself and others. who you are will always change throughout your life; someone who may have once been attractive to you may not be in the future, and that's okay. the opposite is also true.

I hope that this helps people!

#Anonymous #not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #am i aro #long post #lol

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nullwort · 2 months

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I sincerely wish I could abandon romance as a concept it has hurt me so badly. I lose myself and am scarified trying to place myself within it and when it has wreaked its havoc I want back in it immediately. It is not generally worth the pain. I wish I could live with no thought to love at all, truly be aromantic but it feels somehow still like a failure, like admitting I am not able to have a healthy romantic relationship. I struggle badly with feeling like it would ever happen, that I wouldn’t ruin it early and often. That I can’t set up moments or express affection or seduce anyone or expect them to be interested in those behaviors with me. It is a very painful way to be. I don’t know what keeps me in people’s lives and I suspect most people don’t know either, given how I slip from view and then from grace in others eyes. Depressing, isn’t it. love genuinely is not for some people and it doesn’t inherently make them less valuable but our society is pretty vehement in reminding them to the contrary, that being loved is the highest form of relationship, that love is holy and everything and perfect and inherently worth it and not a difficult, painful skill not everyone is taught, not a condition that doesn’t apply to some people entirely. That you are lesser if you cannot attract a partner or are a victim of IPV. that you are broken somehow for love being poison to you. I wish things were different. I am tired of being so deeply depressed for not ‘qualifying’ for the one interpersonal experience-form that allegedly makes life worth it. which is stupid as fuck,

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jokocraft · 3 years

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Aroace Legolas & Aro Gimli Headcanons

I read this post and was so moved I made some self-indulgent headcanons for these two besties.

- Legolas is, of course, aromantic and asexual. He has zero capacity for noticing if anyone has a crush on him and in fact did not know what a crush even was until he was like four centuries old or so. He knew what marriage was, sure, but he didn’t understand that special feelings were not also a social construct, but something that came naturally. Somehow. By nature. It never happens for him, and it doesn’t really bother him until adulthood, when people like he cares about start having relationships. Like Gimli.

- Gimli is perpetually annoyed that Legolas considers his casual sexual exploits “relationships.”

- Sure, sometimes Gimli spends evenings having sex with people, and sure, it’s often more than a one night thing, but they aren’t relationships, and none of it is tender. He finds tender sex a turnoff - an even setting aside the fact that it’s a turnoff, he doesn’t understand how he could possibly feel tenderness with a near stranger anyway. (Does he want his sexual partners to be more than near-strangers? Hell no.) He is mostly romance repulsed. Sex is easy and satisfying. Genuine intimacy is trickier. He has always seen it in a certain light that makes things like kissing and hand holding seem rather silly.

- Legolas is not romance repulsed and secretly moons over tragic, romantic stories. In theory, he likes the idea of being swept off his feet. But when anyone actually tries, either with suave gestures or bedroom eyes or even pickup lines, he only feels empty and awkward.

- (Except he has been swept off his feet before, and it happens every time Gimli performs some impressive feat, either to help a stranger or Legolas or himself.)

- In his years of friendship with Gimli, Legolas has become deeply attached to the friendship they have. Gimli is not only his best friend, but the best of the best. No other friend has ever been kinder to him, more contentious of his needs and feelings, more interested in who Legolas is, more interested in putting in the effort of friendship. Of course Legolas is attached.

- So sometimes he’s insecure about the sexual relationships Gimli has. Legolas knows there aren’t meant to be emotions tied up in them, but what if something strikes a cord? What if Gimli finally decides to settle down and keep a particularly good sexual partner around forever? Legolas knows he doesn’t want to live his life as a third wheel.

- His worries, as often as they come up, fade just as often, because Gimli never fails to return home to him as if all was right in the world, being at Legolas’s side. What Legolas doesn’t understand is that Gimli feels he already has settled down.

- Legolas is oblivious. He may not notice it, but Gimli’s friends and and friends with benefits do: Gimli has a massive soft spot for one Legolas Greenleaf. Having come to trust him implicitly as a long time friend and companion, he adores Legolas’s quirks and mannerisms and passions and singing. He wants to see Legolas succeed in whatever he does, and he likes to be there to help when Legolas inevitably needs help. He likes being the person Legolas turns to; in fact, being the person Legolas turns to grounds him.

- Gimli feels emotions no less deeply as anyone else, so he sometimes is afflicted with strong feelings of devotion. He enjoys doing practical tasks for Legolas most of all, or spending time with him, but sometimes his desires are more odd - such as wanting to tease Legolas saying that he may enjoy sex most with women twice his size, but it pleases him even more that the stunningly beautiful, blonde man so many covet is his. His. (Gimli keeps his mouth shut when these desires strike him.)

- Legolas doesn’t ever keep his mouth shut. He spews all kinds of accidentally intimate phrases, blurring the lines of sincerity even to himself. Oh, I love you or I would kiss you or Why spend another night in wild pleasure when you could be cold and watch the stars with me? He trusts Gimli does not take him seriously, but more and more often Legolas frets over his own words. Why couldn’t he kiss Gimli? If only he wanted to, he might completely win over Gimli’s heart and never worry about losing him again. But he doesn’t want to, just like he has never wanted to kiss anyone.

- He doesn’t know that Gimli has never wanted to be kissed. He doesn’t know that Gimli takes comfort in how, while many sexual partners have to be reminded he doesn’t like it, Legolas is in his same boat of feeling queasy at the very thought. He doesn’t know that what makes Gimli feel special and wanted isn’t some attractive person’s effortless, bountiful physical affection, but Legolas’s rare instances of tentative, trusting touch. Resting his tired head on Gimli’s shoulder. Holding his shoulders when he’s excited.

- Years in the future, they grow so emotionally close and so settled in their ways that bringing up these topics no longer makes them wary. In the future, Gimli makes it clear that he has no interest in spending his life with anyone else, and Legolas feels comfortable telling Gimli that he truly does love him, very much.

tl;dr: gimli takes bros before hoes to a new level as aro-spec and legolas is so aroace that even tho he could have the perfect cinematic romance with some hottie, all he really wants is gimli to be his bestest friend forever Really, Really Badly

#legolas #gimli #lotr #gigolas #aromantic #aroace #i repeat: gimli takes bros before hoes to a NEW LEVEL

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afrosarah · 5 years

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A Message to Ace and Aro Youth

I really don't like to engage with this kind of stuff on here and in these kind of tags, but I'm feeling Some Kind of Way this morning, so I'm gonna go for it and hope maybe 1 or 2 people are helped by this message :'-)

Y'all, I'm nearly 30 now, and I don't feel very wise, but I'm aroace and I feel like I should impart some wisdom on younger tumblr users.

This really brain-rotting, self-esteem crippling, endlessly tiring discourse you see on your dash concerning your identity and its validity? The uniformed dumbass mocking jokes? The gatekeeping?

My dudes, in my experience as an adult in the US, that bullshit is pretty much exclusively an online phenomenon.

Maybe I'm just extraordinarily lucky, but in all the Pride marches and events I've participated in, LGBT fundraisers I've attended, and queer spaces I've occupied, ain't nobody ever excluded asexual or aromantic people, regardless of any other orientation. Nobody assumes shit about you, nobody aggressively questions you at the door and asks for your Queer Kid Club Card and Validation of Appropriate Level of Oppression. At Pride last year, I was asked to walk right up front with the mayor. Somebody even complimented me on my aromantic flag -- I was honestly surprised they even knew what the colors meant!

People do this kind of thing online, I guess because they've never really been to queer spaces IRL, or because they have but can't be outspoken about their exclusionist beliefs in these spaces (these beliefs are not well-tolerated at Pride events - in my experience, the last thing people want to hear at a Pride event is that they "don't belong").

On Tumblr, the people I see making fun of ace and aro people are usually under 20 (uninformed 16 yr olds telling me, a grown ass woman, that I don't belong in the community, or I'm just "too young" to know better) or, more embarrassing, grown ass adults attacking and mocking ace children by calling them things like turbo virgins. The latter kind of behavior is absolutely childish and inappropriate, I sincerely hope these people get a grip and can work out their problems in a less destructive way.

I know that a lot of you are young and haven't been able to participate in Pride events or meet other queer people IRL due to age, safety, location (maybe the country in which you live!), and I know how difficult that can be, when your only outlet and connection is the internet, and the internet is so toxic to people who share your identity.

But please, please know that it's not like this everywhere. There are people out here that really genuinely care about people like you, and know that we are all stronger together as a community. Please try to remember this when you see some disheartening post on this hivemind hellsite. It can get a lot better! It WILL!

#asexual positivity #aromantic positivity #lgbtq #long post #i'm back on my bullshit #went on a little rant today lads

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butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker · 4 years

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Just rewatched Excalibur (1981) - which is the definitive Arthur, as far as I'm concerned. It's wonderful. Earthy and strange and part of that 70s pagan revival trend, with quite the only Merlin you'll remember once you've seen him; and it is also deeply sincere, in a way a lot of modern movies aren't. Like...Excalibur does not hold back emotionally, it just goes for it with the Once And Future King stuff, the Holy Grail stuff, it doesn't have its tongue in cheek, and because of that sincerity it...just gets me, every single time.

Anyway, one thing that struck me this time around is Merlin as a queer figure. I don't think I mean this in a "fucks dudes" way, more of an androgynous/ungendered thing, and an asexual/aromantic/non sexual thing.

A lot of comments about Merlin not being a man (obvs, because he's a supernatural non-mortal; and additionally he's got a learned/non-martial masculinity in a warrior society). One comment about Merlin being both mother and father to a baby. And a lot of...

...one of the (Christian) themes that comes through in Excalibur from the original mythos is that sex is a terrible idea and bad things happen as a result. So, there's a subplot where Morgana is dangling the possibility of a relationship to try and get Merlin's magical secrets - Merlin would no longer be alone, because she is a creature like him. One gets the impression that Merlin is tempted; but he also gives wise words throughout the film about love and lust being a distraction, and there's a sense perhaps that his abstinence is a source of power (because desire leads people wrongly in this universe). Consequently some of the language used about him is very much that used of non-sexual men, with both Uther and Morgana implying there's something actively wrong with his lack of desire; the phrase "you're not a man" being less a comment on his demonic status in this context and more of a plain ole insult.

I have mixed feelings about empowering trans headcanons. I guess because they're such a personal thing that when I see other people's, they don't necessarily work for me, and can often actively rub me wrong. But today (and for the first time), I got a serious "passing trans/gnc person who does not take their clothes off" vibe - whether due to personal discomfort or dysphoria, or because there's genuinely something unusual about his body. Be that, like, an anomalous sex or literal tentacles idk.

(But I suppose there's an underlying question that I can't quite get my brain around at half past midnight about how...being non-sexual is itself a kind of ungendering, the same way as being disabled & discounted as a sexual being can lead to you also being discounted as a gendered being, like um, the subtle disrespect of disabled toilets being neutral gender toilets. I'm not really sure where I'm pointing at with this, because obviously gender has a role outside the bedroom & people continue to have genders persistently. But sex is a context where gender is...extremely loud, if that makes sense, when there are other parts of life when you can do without it or ignore and forget about it.)

(Im very tired, this is vague, it's mostly that bigender/agender/voidgender Merlin is something I can suddenly get behind; and also, for the second time recently, I've suddenly got a magically-infused transmasc image that I really like, so that's intriguing to me too)

#Child be strange #The gends

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greed-the-dorkalicious · 5 years

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Actually, you know what? I’m gonna come right out and say it. The FMA fandom is blatantly arophobic, and I’m tired of it. No, maybe it’s not as bad as some other fandoms (particularly the one that starts with a V and ends in Oltron), but enough to piss me off. Let me explain why.

The FMA fandom is deeply entrenched in shipping as being the default. It’s generally assumed that if you’re not into pairing A, you must be into pairing B, and vice versa. I’ve even seen posts along the lines of “Why would anyone be into FMA if not for (insert pairing here)?”, which, while generally innocent jokes not meant to be taken 100% seriously, are still hurtful to aros (particularly those of us who are romance repulsed).

Of the 14,332 FMA fics on AO3 as of writing this post, 4,813 of them are tagged as gen. If you filter out fics that are also tagged with M/F, M/M, F/F, multi, or other, that number drops to 3685. This means that of all the FMA fics currently on AO3, only about 25% are accessible to people not interested in romance- And that’s not even accounting for improperly tagged fics, or filtering out crossovers for those who aren’t interested in those either.

I pretty much never see aro headcanons (or any sort of aspec headcanon, for that matter) from anyone other than me, or other aros. When I talk about my aro headcanons, while they’re not always outright rejected, they’re not particularly enthusiastically welcomed either. Usually, the only followers of mine who reblog such posts are people who are already in some way aspec themselves, or have been at some point questioning aspec. My alloromantic, allosexual followers don’t like to acknowledge my identity.

Al, the only main character to not have a love interest from early on in FMA history (May didn’t start showing interest in Al until about halfway through the series, and most major pairings have been around since the 03 days) is often overlooked. Despite being a protagonist and the initial driving force of the plot, he’s rarely the center of fandom discussion or content. When he does appear, he’s often pushed into the role of wingman for other characters, or the focus is on his relationship with May- Despite the fact that in canon, he’s at best been shown to sort of ignore her romantic advances, and at worst been pretty uncomfortable with them. I am sincerely not trying to hate on May here, nor people who ship her with Al. I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to ship them, and I do think May is a genuinely really cool and badass character aside from her relationship with Al. But am I really the only one made uncomfortable by how much people ship them, given the way she treats him in canon? She’s very pushy, often refers to him as “her” Alphonse, and has even gone so far as to get angry at him for “cheating” on her just by hanging out with a close friend who’s also a girl. I am not trying to demonize May, I really do like her, but... I mean, imagine if Al were a girl and May were a boy. Would this be remotely acceptable? No. By the way, there are currently 4261 fics on AO3 tagged with Alphonse Elric. This means that less than 30% of all FMA fics on AO3 feature Al, THE GODDAMN DEUTERAGONIST OF THE SERIES. If you only include gen fics, that number drops to 1,817, or a mere 12% of all FMA fics on AO3. That’s right, only about 12% of FMA fics on AO3 feature Al, one of the series protagonists, without including a romantic pairing. Sure, maybe people just don’t like Al- But I definitely find it suspicious that the main character who isn’t involved in a popular pairing is the one to get this treatment.

Many of my FMA mutuals (and I’m not going to name any specific names, because I’m not trying to single out any individual and I do genuinely love all my FMA mutuals and I believe they don’t mean any harm, and also because there’s just too many to list at this point) continue to reblog or even produce aphobic dogwhistles, such as posts that include lots of different LGBTQ+ identities but specifically and deliberately do not include aros and aces (or worse, posts that only talk about L, G, B, T specifically), posts that use aspec identities or issues as a punchline, or posts made by aphobic bloggers. A lot of FMA fans also seem to identify as “neutral on the discourse”, which... While I can see why they might think that’s the best way to avoid hurting anyone, it’s really not. Saying that you’re “neutral on the discourse” does not signify to aspecs that you mean us no harm. In fact, it usually makes us distrust you. Exclusionists have done a huge amount of harm to aspecs; They deliberately try to erase us, harass us, belittle us, and for those of us who do have some other LGBTQ+ identity (such as me, a bisexual aro), they make us feel extremely unwelcome in our own community and like we’re not LGBTQ+ “enough”. Saying that you’re “neutral” on the discourse is saying that you do not feel a need to condemn such behavior, or to extend a welcoming hand to your aspec siblings. In the wise words of They Might Be Giants, can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding. While I understand that many of you may be afraid of receiving hate for supporting aspecs... I mean, come on. Those of us who are aspec cannot choose to be “neutral” on our own existence- We have to either repress our own identities, or deal with the consequences. If an allo gets anon hate for supporting aspecs, they’re still not attacking you directly. If aspecs get anon hate, they’re saying they want us, specifically, gone. Are you really so afraid to take one or two hits that you’re willing to sit by and let us get mistreated?

Oh also, this is just talking about the FMA bloggers I’ve seen who are not blatantly aphobic. God only knows how many people I’ve blocked for outright posting shit about how much they hate aspecs, or trying to tell me that the discrimination, erasure, alienation, dehumanization, and harassment I face aren’t real. I’m only addressing the parts of the fandom at this point that try to pretend they’re not aphobic/arophobic. There are plenty of FMA fans who are very clearly, deliberately, and outwardly aphobic.

I realize this post may piss people off. It may make me sound whiny, or accusatory. But you know what? FMA means more to me than any other story. FMA is what got me through everything when I was a young teen struggling with feeling inhuman and alone for being aromantic (though I didn’t have a word for it at the time- I simply thought I was broken). I’ve poured my heart and soul into FMA-Facts since 2015, and been involved in the fandom since 2009. Isn’t it time I start getting something in return?

Why should I continue to lie down and let other members of a community that’s supposed to be my safe space just walk all over me? Why should I have to sit down and shut up and bite my tongue rather than be so demanding as to ask for basic respect? I’m tired of being treated like this. I’m tired of seeing my community get treated like this. I’m tired of remembering the misery I went through as a young aro in the FMA fandom who didn’t have a support system, and knowing that little has changed since then, and knowing that there are likely still aros in the FMA fandom going through what I did.

Stop silencing me. Stop perpetuating this shit. Start treating aros like human beings who are worth celebrating.

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royal-duality · 5 years

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You Can’t Spell Romance Without Roman (But You Can Spell Roman Without Romance)

A/N: I haven’t found many aro/ace Roman fics and I wanted to write some more of our favorite prince.

Warnings: Lots of angst

Word Count: 2672

Pairing(s): Completely platonic LAMP and Analogical

Summary: Roman doesn't understand why he's unable to feel romantically attracted to anyone despite being the core of Thomas' romantic feelings.

~~~

It had been a long time coming, really. He had been planning on bringing it up sometime around the time of the Valentine’s video, preferably before so as to avoid any discomfort, but then he just couldn’t. Because it was wrong. He was wrong.

Roman sighed as he somehow flopped down on his bed gracefully. He was literally the embodiment of romance and all things lovely and yet...

He felt tears well in his eyes at the thought. Who was he if he couldn’t even love? Sure there was nothing wrong with being aromantic, but when you’re supposed to be the core of someone’s love, affection and primal desires. It was just different.

Thomas was a gay man who was clearly able to feel romantic and sexual attraction to other men. And yet…

He groaned, his hands balled into fists as he rubbed at his eyes which had begun to leak tears. It wasn’t fair because it didn’t make sense!

A knock on his door startled him from his thoughts as he sat up, pasting a bright smile on his face as he opened the door to find Logan standing on the other side. “Good evening poindexter, how may I help you on this delightful evening?” He grinned as Logan’s face blanched at his extra greeting.

“I sincerely hope that you do possess the ability to not be so extravagant and that this is just a phase or a way of annoying me that you will eventually tire of.” A pout formed on his face as he listened to the nerdy side insult him using his textbook brain that somehow made it seem so casual despite the excessive amount of vocabulary.

“Must you be so dull and boring?” He whined, leaning against his doorway. The logical facet rolled his eyes muttering something under his breath before he straightened his tie and looked Roman in the eye once more.

“Patton would like to call a meeting so that we may all address any concerns we might have for Thomas or anything pertaining to our host or ourselves. This may include but is not limited to, an es-” Roman slapped a hand over the other traits mouth, effectively stopping the torrent of words that would most likely never stop if nobody told him to stop.

Roman’s way of telling him to shut up was just slightly more hands on.

He laughed sheepishly as Logan glared at him before grasping his wrist and removing it from his mouth before letting go, allowing the fantastical trait’s hand arm to drop to his side.

“Careful, someone might mistake you for Deceit if you keep covering our mouths. Next thing you know you’ll tell us you’ve been lying to us. That would be a very unfortunate discovery.” Roman failed to suppress a flinch at the thought of lying to the other sides. Not because it was an accusation, because knowing Logan, it was his way of attempting to make a joke. No, he flinched because it was true. He had been lying to all of them since he discovered he didn’t love people the way he was supposed to. He had been lying to himself even longer still. Denying the truth of his existence. Denying that he was wrong.

He forced a laugh as he waved Logan off, “How dare you accuse me of such dastardly things! Off you go peasant, leave me to my peace and I shall venture to the commons in due time!” He boasted before turning into his room, shutting the door behind him.

As soon as he heard the footsteps fade away from his section of the hall he collapsed, leaning his back against his door as he struggled to contain the sobs that wanted to burst from his chest.

He ran a hand through his hair leaving it slightly frizzy and messed up. They were holding a family meeting. This would be his chance to come clean to them, his family. The ones who had opened up to him, trusting him to accept him for who they are.

Like Virgil. The anxious emo man who had tried so hard to be something he wasn’t and would rather be hated than risk being useless. Who always tried to do what was best for Thomas even at the expense of him or the other sides. Virgil who struggled to keep his past in the past in an attempt to be better and do better even as he was stuck in a grey area with no one there to support him.

Or Patton who shoved his feelings so far down inside himself that even he forgot he had them. Who tried his hardest to keep Thomas happy and give him the support nobody had given him. Patton who always put Thomas and his family first, even when they were all more than happy and healthy and didn't care how many times he was ignored or insulted, he just kept on giving.

And Logan. The nerdy textbook of everything who tried so hard to keep everyone on the straight and narrow so as to avoid chaos and unneeded harm to anyone and everyone. Who wanted so hard to be who he thought he was supposed to be, ignoring who he wanted to be. Logan who made mistakes and broke down in the face of is own wrongdoings and tried so hard to fix what was never broken to keep them all going, even when everyone was against him.

They had all bore their scars for everyone to see and judge as they wished. Taking a leap of faith even when they saw nowhere to land, trusting that someone would be there on the other side to catch them and keep them from falling into the darkness.

"ROMAN!" Patton's voice rang through the mind palace as Roman jumped to his feet. It was time to face the music and own up to his mistakes.

He sunk put of his room only to rise up in the commons a moment later. "Good evening, calculator watch, father dearest and Gayday Parade!" Patton giggled, while Logan and Virgil both scowled at him, though there was definitely a hint of amusement in Virgil's eyes.

"Already used that one Prince of Petulant, might wanna up your game." The anxious trait smirked at him with confidence even as his hands fidgeted nervously in his lap, only to be stilled as Logan reach over and laid a hand on top of them. Had Roman not seen this, he may have chalked the flush of Virgil's face up to him being nervous. His eyes widened as he glanced between the two of them with shock, because Logan and Virgil? Logic and Anxiety? Who would have guessed!

Virgil seemed to notice his stare causing his eyes to widen with panic as he tugged his hands away from his lap, stuffing them into his hoodie pockets as he once again began to fidget. Roman saw Logan flinch out of the corner of his eye at the action and winced because it must have hurt to care for someone so much and not be able to help them in their time of need for fear of making them uncomfortable. Sometimes he's glad he can't love someone so much that it hurts to be away. But even he gets upset when he is unable to care for his family.

Patton stood up, drawing three sets of eyes to him as he began to speak, "So, I know that it's been a while since all of us sat down and just took a moment to talk things out without the intention to fix something or starting an argument. Which is why I pat-itioned to have a meeting!" The fatherly side giggled at his own joke, smile growing wider upon seeing Roman laugh and Virgil's lips twitch into what could be considered a smile for him.

"Does anyone have anything they'd like to discuss?" He asked as he sat back down, looking at the other three traits hopefully. There was complete silence. "Anyone at all." He provided a metaphorical nudge. "About anything." His smile began to grow slightly strained as they all waited in silence for someone to speak up.

Suddenly his shoulders slumped in defeat before he scanned the room, his eyes lighting up as they landed on Logan. "LOGAN!" He yelled, causing the logical facet to startle and almost fall off the couch. Virgil's hand left his hoodie to latch onto the other's sleeve in an attempt to keep him from falling. “What’s been on your brain, or should I say Thomas’ brain?” He grinned.

Logan stared at him with disbelief as he straightened his tie and flattened the wrinkles in his clothes. Other than the thought that it might be in my best interest to go deaf to save me from hearing such ridiculous humor, a lot. Thomas has been multitasking on everything and it has resulted in many migraines as he over-tasks himself.” He cleared his throat at the end of his, rant? Speech?

Patton stared at him in concern for a moment before tentatively speaking once again, “Kiddo-” “Once again, Patton, we are the same person-” “I know you care about Thomas, but the reason I called this meeting was so that we could talk about how we are. Not Thomas.” As he finished, Roman could practically hear the windows error noises coming from Logan as he struggled to comprehend what the emotional facet had just said.

“But, we’re part of Thomas, therefore by taking care of Thomas’ needs, we are taking care of our own needs.” Roman winced as he said that, his thoughts spiraling as he thought of how he was so different from Thomas. That he should have the same needs and wants, but he didn’t.

“Lo, he wants to know how you’re feeling. Why don’t you tell him about the thing?” Suddenly, Logan’s face was flushed bright red as he began to stammer and stutter. Virgil reached over and grabbed his hand effectively calming the other.

Logan sighed before turning slightly to address all of them. ‘Them’ being Patton and himself. “I have recently discovered and come to terms with a certain-” he paused for a moment as though struggling to think of what he wanted to say, “-want of mine that I addressed.” He cast a glance at the anxious side before turning back to the others. “Virgil and I, have decided to take things a step further.” He opened his mouth to continue but was cut off by a squeal coming from Patton.

“YOU GUYS ARE DATING!?” Roman winced at the sheer volume and pitch of the question.

The two traits in question both stared wide-eyed at the other man before Logan began chuckling as Virgil turned redder than a blooming rose. Logan quickly cleared his throat before correcting him, “No, however we both have agreed to be queer platonic partners. Seeing as neither of us harbor romantic or sexual attraction to each other, but still feel closer than ‘just friends’, we both agreed to begin a relationship replicated by the closeness and fondness we have for each other.” By the end of his speech, Logan’s face was close to matching Virgil’s in shade as Patton just blinked at them.

Roman tensed as he waited for the questions or accusations. “You guys are squishes?! OH THAT’S EVEN CUTER! TWO OF MY KIDDOS ARE HARDCORE SQUISHES! ROMAN, LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE!” Roman felt his jaw drop as he stared at Patton with disbelief.

He was okay with it? Well of course he was, it’s Patton! Does that mean he would be okay with me being… But it’s different with me, because I’m romance incarnated. “Princey?” The quiet voice of his emo friend snapped him out of his thoughts to see the other trait staring at him with worry and, was that fear?

Oh. OH! He thought Roman was going to reject him! “Sorry my dark and stormy knight, I’m afraid I was merely caught off guard by such a passionate declaration!” Tension seemed to flee the room as he assured the two men that he was more than okay with their new relationship

“However, I do believe I may have to step on your moment just a bit, so as to make a declaration of my own.” Here goes everything. “I… I am- um I-” His voice cut off as he choked on a whimper, tears pooling in his eyes as his heart beat rapidly in fear.

“I… I”m sorry.”

The three facets stared at him with worry. Patton stood up, walking over to where he was sitting and crouching in front of him, gripping his hands in his own soft and warm ones. “What are you sorry for, kiddo?”

Roman gripped Patton’s hands as though they were the only thing able to keep him from fleeing the scene. “I am afraid I have failed you all as well as Thomas.”

A snort from across from him had his head shooting up to stare wide-eyed at the anxious trait in shock. “That’s hard to believe. Prince perfect failing something so bad that even I’m disappointed? That’s a high bar you’ve set for yourself there Princey.” Virgil smirked at him cockily, but Roman could see the concern shine through. Virgil was trying to distract him so that he could calm down.

“Well I do pride myself in being the best at everything, even if it’s at being the worst.” He let out a choked laugh as he took a moment to breathe and think of what he wanted to say. “I don’t believe I am capable of loving someone or anyone.”

Patton brows furrowed at his words before he opened his mouth, most likely to offer some form of consolation, but Roman cut him off before he could. He had to do this now, before he could back out. “I… I’m aromantic. I do not feel romantic attraction to men or women or anyone of any gender or lack of gender. I believe I am also asexual.” Silence. His frame began to tremble as sobs built up in his chest.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid. I’m Thomas’ creativity which means I am his romantic side and yet I can’t even fall in love-”

“Falsehood.” He froze, looking at Logan. “I apologize for interrupting but I can only stand for so much idiocy.” He flinched, looking down at his lap. “How could you be so stupid as to think-” Here it comes “-that you could not fall in love just because you do not feel romantic attraction. I mean obviously phrase fall in love is often referred to in a romantic sense, but when Patton falls in love with a tiny version of something, it is not because he wishes to begin a romantic relationship with it. Furthermore, I believe it has been proven many times that we often adopt traits of our own that show no sign of being a part of Thomas as a whole. “

Looking up he noticed everyone looking at him with kind smiles. “Besides kiddo, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to say that the heart has enough love of it’s own to give, romantic or not. You don’t need to blame yourself for who you are. Especially when who you are is an amazing person with so much love and care for others, even if it’s strictly platonic and/or familial.”

As Patton spoke, Virgil rose from his spot next to Logan, advancing towards Roman with steady, confident steps. Upon reaching him, Virgil wrapped his arm around his shoulders, effectively enveloping him in a hug.

Tears began to once more stream down his face, this time joined by a shaky smile.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up and let us hug you so we can all go eat the cookies Patton stress-baked earlier today.” A squeak sounded from behind him causing Roman to giggle.

Things would be okay. He would be okay.

#sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #aromantic roman #asexual roman #qpr positivity #Platonic love #have a thing #its short #and i didnt really edit #but #yeah i got nothing

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queenofthecommunistcannibals · 5 years

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@yikes-trademarked

i mean yeah, the post has nothing to do with it just comes across as a bit of a slap in the face to people who are genuinely oppressed in a modern day society. how are asexuals ‘neglected’ and ‘isolated’? so most people experience sexual attraction and you don’t, whoop de doo. nobody actually cares if you do or don’t experience sexual attraction. if you could please give me an actual, real life, not someone-calling-you-a-plant-online example of asexual discrimination then i’ll take back my words

___

@yikes-trademarked I super love how instead of apologizing you are doubling down. Okay. I'll give you examples. Here are some general prejudices that affect aro and ace people. They aren't in any real order.

•Until the DSM V asexuality was considered a mental illness. Despite the fact that now we are "allowed" to "identify" as asexual HSDD (Hypoactive sexual desire disorder) is STILL considered a disorder. So instead of trying to help a person accept themselves as asexual allosexual (nonace) doctors will try to "fix" someone if they want to. Asexuality is still seen as something to be cured. It is still a dysfunction in their eyes, they just hide their prejudice a little better.

•Asexuals have been harrassed and raped in an attempt to fix them. Asexuals and aromantics are often seen as a "challenge" to be harassed into affection.

•Mainstream Christianity discriminates against asexuals as they do other queer identities. Here is one quote from a document called "Asexuality and Christianity" produced for Asexual Awareness Week (the fact that we get "awareness" rather than "pride" ain't great either)

"While celibacy is officially considered a good stance in religion, declaring oneself disinterested in sex is often met with disapproval. Asexuals have been told that they are rejecting God's gift of sexuality, that they are just as bad as homosexuals because they are not 'normal'...or people decide to pray to God for them to be fixed or for the Almighty to send the right person for them to fall in love with."

Or from the horse's mouth "Question: What do you call a person who is asexual? Answer: Not a person. Asexual people do not exist. Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human identity. Those who repress their sexuality are not living as God created them to be: fully alive and well." This was written by two Jesuit priests David Nantais and Scott Opperman. In other religions this is also often true. I know more about Christianity personally but I know similar doctrines exist in Islam and Orthodox Judaism. Not to mention the notion that marriage is the only acceptable option in these religions (unless you are Catholic clergy) and children are a necessity. Hell, according to the conservative traditional gender roles of these religions even an otherwise gender conforming aro/ace doesn't fit (not marrying, no kids, no family, all that).

•Dehumanization from all sides. We are told to be human is to love and that love is nearly always put in romantic or sexual context. Indeed NOT being capable of or experiencing romantic or sexual love is often used as shorthand for someone being a bad person (As Dexter [from Dexter], for example, becomes more sympathetic he develops the ability to feel sexual/romantic love. Robots in fiction can be asexual and aromantic but only if you want to show them as apart from humanity. Once you want to make it clear they have a soul they have to experience some kind of romantic urge or longing. Like Data from Star Trek) An article in Psychology Today by Dr. Gordon Hodson Ph.D. (who specializes in studying dehumanization) postulates (with a study to back it up) that asexuals are the most dehumanized sexual minority.

•On the specifically romantic asexual front in many places do not consider a marriage valid until it has been consumated.

•In media in which asexuality and aromanticism are not proof of evil they are judged to be not real. Here is one of if not our first actual representation in media. In the film Nymphomaniac the SELF-PROCLAIMED asexual character turns out to be a rapist who the protagonist murders in what is supposed to be a "woo! You go girl!" moment. AT BEST this says asexuals aren't real. We're just sexually repressed misanthropes. It might also imply that asexuals are base animals who are waiting to strike. THAT IS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES THE WORD ASEXUAL IS EVEN USED IN MAINSTREAM FILM! I cannot think of a single other.

•We are erased constantly in real life and in media. Here are two examples of active erasure, Jughead Jones (canonly aro/ace in the comics and coded as such since day one) was straight-washed for Riverdale. You may say "oh maybe they didn't know" (which is bullshit) then consider example two: Sherlock Holmes. Holmes (who I adore) has long been one of the few characters that has been "allowed" to aro/aces, but when the creators of BBC's Sherlock were explicitly asked if he was aro/ace they said he absolutely wasn't.

This is part of what I am talking about. We are not allowed to exist. We are invisible.

•Asexuals and aromantics are somehow toxic in our mere existence. We make kids think it is okay to be like us and are poisoning their young minds. We hate sex and thus are against the sex positivity movement.

•"Virgin" is an insult and we are treated as constant children. Somehow we have failed to grow up and cannot be treated as adults.

•And here is what I was really talking about SOCIETY IS NOT MADE FOR US! CULTURE IS NOT CONDUSIVE TO OUR EXISTENCES! I didn't know asexuality was an option until I was about 24. And before that I, like many aro/ace people, put myself in a lot of situations and relationships to "fix" myself. To make myself normal. My first and only sexual encounter was one of the things that sent me spiralling into a serious depression. I didn't know that it was okay to not be interested and to say "no.". So I said "okay" because I thought it was what I had to do to be a normal teenager. I don't know if I ever shared that online before so congrats you got me so mad I revisited my personal trauma. From childhood we are told falling in love is the ultimate reward. As teens we are told we gotta get laaaaaid. As adults not being involved in a sexual/romantic (often indistinguishable) relationship is WEIRD and TROUBLING. I have been told by people who don't know I am asexual that asexual people are "too weird" or even "creepy." The idea that someone might not be capable of romantic love sets off people's red flags that said aromantic might be crazy.

•We are surrounded by sex and romance constantly. Constantly. It is inescapable. In your real life I want you to pay attention to romantic or sexual imagry and storylines around you. There is no break. No alternative. This is what I mean by "invisible at best."

•Also, we are denied a history. It is very hard to prove absence but often sexless figures are immediately dubbed to be gay/lesbian because of their lack of interest in "appropriate" gender. Forgetting entirely that asexuality and aromanticism are options. Then when the question is raised they maybe a figure WAS aro and/or ace we are told that we are """"stealing"""" history. There is like one person in history we are allowed: Nikola Tesla. I love him very much, but he also fits the bill as a weirdo asexual. Because anyone who was the least bit acceptable to society must be allosexual. An example in reverse, Queen Elizabeth I, Britain's most beloved monarch, who never married, never was romantically or sexually involved with anyone (aside from being assaulted as a teenager), and was in her era very famously THE VIRGIN QUEEN who used her virginity as part of her persona to great affect. She is not considered asexual or aromantic and never has been. I have seen a biographer bend over backwards to get away from that accusation including using an incident where an elderly Elizabeth flashed a dignitary to make him uncomfortable as proof that she was allo. We can't have this awesome historical figure be one of those creeps right?!

•i am not even going into the history of how "sexlessness" was historically treated, especially in women. Let me just say that "spinsterism" was considered a danger to children and young women.

•NOTICE I WENT THIS WHOLE POST WITHOUT MENTIONING ASSHOLES WHO USE THE DISK HORSE AND BAR US FROM QUEER CIRCLES EVEN THOUGH SOME STUDIES FIND ASEXUALS HAVE LOWER SELF ESTEEM THAN ANY OTHER QUEER GROUP AND WOULD REALLY BENEFIT FROM A COMMUNITY!! THIS POST IS ENTIRELY EXAMPLES OF NON ONLINE PEOPLE BECAUSE SOMEHOW YOUR CONSTANT ABUSE OR REFUSAL TO RECOGNIZE ABUSE IS A-OKAY BECAUSE IT IS PART OF "THE DEBATE" BECAUSE SOMEHOW OUR EXISTENCE IS ACCEPTABLE DEBATE!

These are just some examples. People are free to add more but I am tired. If you want links I will dig them up.

Sincerely,

Fuck you.

I apologize for the "fuck you" but the exclusionist attitude is so disheartening. It is bad for not only aros and aces but also the queer community in general. We should be in this together! Fighting for one another side by side! We should be there for each other for hardships and for celebrations. I think it is vital that exclusionists really examine what and who they are actually fighting against.

#asexuality #my posts #asexual #aromantic #lgbt+#queer

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thempoetry · 5 years

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“There Are More Beautiful Things Than Beyoncé” by Morgan Parker

This book had been years coming in my collection. Its name rang out inside me when I felt its titular sentiment — that the popular worship of Beyoncé is overblown — and whenever I thought of it, I felt a spark of solidarity.

Of course, this is not a book about Beyoncé — and in fact, this is not even a book that is very critical of Beyoncé. Instead, Beyoncé acts as a literary device throughout — a mouthpiece, an amulet, a proto-idea that shapeshifts to meet Parker’s endless need to talk, sing and moan about race, class, democracy, depression, music and drugs. It’s a brilliant move.

I’d like to start more broadly by commenting on Morgan Parker, because she strikes me as an outsider among insiders. In my head, Parker is of the generation of contemporary poets that includes Danez Smith, Franny Choi, Ocean Vuong etc. … she’s decorated with a Pushcart, she co-curates a reading series, she performs with Angel Nafis as part of The Other Black Girl Collective. Her poetic career is bedazzlingly active — so why don’t we talk about her more?

By which I mean: there seems to be a kind of halo around young poets like Ocean Vuong, who — and I say this with admittedly limited experience of his work — turn the harrowing vine-tangle of identity into a kind of rhapsodic experience: a thing worth looking at because it is beautiful. (Here is an example, from Vuong’s “Tell Me Something Good”:

Snow on your lips like a salted

cut, you leap between your deaths, black as a god’s periods. Your arms cleaving little wounds

in the wind. You are something made… )

There’s no arguing that Vuong’s poem is beautiful; my issue is with how the beauty is used. Vuong’s poem here seems an extension of the (frankly depressing and oppressive) idea that “foreigners” can make their stories worthy through pathos, pity and craft — i.e., hard work and relatability. If the sentiment sounds familiar, just tune into the way mainstream conservatives these days talk about immigrants: I don’t have a problem with immigrants writ large, I just prefer immigrants who work hard, keep their heads down, are pleasant to my children, are generally agreeable…

Anyway, it’s not fair for me to pass such a blanket judgement over Ocean Vuong’s work, and that’s for another review. But insofar as Morgan Parker is concerned, she parses the work and space of otherness in an entirely different manner. Similar to Claudia Rankine of Don’t Let Me Be Lonely, her argument is this: I won’t “fix” myself for you. I won’t try to make myself beautiful. I will tell the (magical, insatiable) truth as it is, and you will have to try to keep up. Because I am too tired to bow down, to construct something for you, to micro-manage. Parker’s poems are for haters of micro-management; they offer big gestures in small bottles.

Consider the opening lines of the opening poem, “All They Want Is My Money My Pussy My Blood”:

I am free with the following conditions.

Give it up gimme gimme.

Okay so I’m Black in America right and I walk into a bar.

With this bold opening, Parker’s commitments are clear: she will demand things of the reader (“give it up gimme gimme”) and she will clearly demarcate what commands her attention and respect (“I’m Black in America right”). And with this begins what I can only describe as a chimeric collection, more warm-blooded fantasy animal than diorama; more occult message written in glitter than typeset monolith. She scrounges from jazz, RnB and pop to fill her pauses. She is unrelentingly new instead of subtle. I like it:

I am a dreamer with empty hands and I like the chill. I will not be attending the party tonight, because I am microwaving multiple Lean Cuisines and watching Wife Swap… (“Another Another Autumn in New York”)

—and the sincerity of her materials shine through. (To continue this silly dogfight I’ve set up, compare the above with Vuong: “Air of whiskey and crushed / Oreos.” Parker’s allusion to pop culture delights; Vuong’s seems like an add-on, a sprinkling of something inappropriate on top).

But wherefore is the source of all this magic? I would say in what Sun Ra called “liquidity.” For example: Parker was best when R and I read her aloud on a grassy slope on Belle Isle in Detroit. There we were, in a historically Black city, in what I can only describe as a “public paradise.” Ducks waddled by and folks of all stripes strolled in front of us beside a small man-made lake. As we read Parker aloud, we laughed with her and from within her work — as though her words gave us the ability to access our inner performers, delivering punchlines (“I don’t know / when I got so punk rock”) and casting personal spells (“I breathe / dried honeysuckle / and hope”). We felt for her. And we wanted to continue feeling for her. All things told I had a moment of genuine orality with her work — a glimpse of what poetry must have felt like when it was shared, sung and social by default. This is a book that radiates the energy of the collective, that asks you to recognize it — and does not over-demonstrate.

So, in this false dichotomy, one might pose:

LIQUIDITY: ORALITY, SOCIALITY, LONG STANZAS SHORT LINES

against

SOLIDITY: WRITTEN, INWARDNESS, SMALL FORMAL STANZAS LONG LINES

In the former, you have the world of most popular songs, particularly jazz; in the latter, you have sculpture and “high art.” Perhaps this is why Ocean Vuong’s work has garnered him endless praise and attention, and most of us look askance at Morgan Parker’s messiness, silliness and genuine emotional bravery. She rambles, yes, but her rambling challenges the very idea of boundaries — of “discipline” as a set of limits, of borders we set for ourselves, however beautiful.

Finally, I will say this, as it’s becoming a theme in my reviews. Parker’s poetry feels affectively liberated. She is funny as well as ashamed. Take, for instance, this amazing section of “RoboBeyoncé”:

The reason I was built is to outlast some terribly feminine sickness that is delivered to the blood through kale salad and pity and men with straight-haired girlfriends […] Nothing aches in here It’s a quiet, calculated shame

Part of the power in these lines is the fact that despite the sprawling, messy energy of Parker’s poems, formally they are incredibly demanding due to their short lines. Parker does not give herself the liberty of overusing the form that has, frankly, become a meme among young poets — the poem composed of long couplets, like Vuong’s poem above — and instead prefers her poems one long connective muscle. The result is propulsive and exciting, like watching a figure skater do tight turns on the ice. She is insightful but also — I dare say it — entertaining. But in the wry, dark way that comedians have that communicates, “Look, I don’t care if you don’t like me. Most of the time, I don’t like me either.”

Which is not to say that Parker’s work is perfect — like the aforementioned figure skater, she does often fall short of her ambitions and can write poems that don’t hold together — often using the couplet form above. I think her work is best when it acknowledges its liquid merits, and doesn’t try to stand with too much air around it.

Overall: 9/10 for sheer spillage of fantasy radioactive plasma

Read If You: -Think it’s lame that Beyoncé talks so much about her “rock” -Miss the energy of cities like Detroit -Have friends you want to read with and you are all getting tired of the bone-dry landscape of contemporary poetry which is really just about “passing” politics and making pain beautiful and omg what if pain is NOT beautiful what if it is just pain motherfuckers what if leaving the party is political too goddamn

Further Reading

Don’t Let Me Be Lonely by Claudia Rankine -- deep classic, prepared the soil for Parker

BONUS: Things To Do In Life That Are Not Poetry

Inspired by Morgan Parker, try:

1. Starting a flashy project then abandoning it on purpose 2. Making a cocktail after a song by a Black American musician 3. Getting in a tub of ice cold water and listening to Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. while doing one’s nails without shivering

Feverish and anything but lonely, Michu

P.S. A last thought while in the shower. Morgan Parker’s poetry is relentlessly self-aware. But I think what we mean when we say “self-aware” is actually not “being aware of the self” but “being aware of everything but the self” -- i.e. seeing one’s pronouncements as part of a larger (in Parker’s case historical) context. When Parker sits down to multiple Lean Cuisines and Wife Swap, the irony she projects comes from a deep rootedness in the idea that this is a thing that people do: skip parties to self-indulge in everyday, consumerist ways that our higher selves disapprove of. It’s not that her sentiment or self-report is inauthentic, but rather that it is aromantic -- it doesn’t presume that her experience hits on some prized singularness about being human. And I like that; I find it smart and honest at the same time, which is a rare combination -- not just in poets, but in people.

#poetry review #morgan parker #poetry #lit #review

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cuddlytogas · 6 years

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I hope you’re not just ace but actually lgbt if you’re out here calling yourself q*eer. This isn’t meant to sound aggressive or patronising but just ?? stop if you’re not part of the lgbt community please! And no there’s no fucking A and if historically there’s one it stands for Ally (referring to lgbt members that can’t be out safely). - a bitter and tired trans bi person who’s actually had the q slur thrown at them

look at that, folks, my very first hatemail! I don’t even know what in particular this is meant to be responding to, but oh well. what an honour!

first of all, you are absolutely being aggressive and patronising, so just?? stop.

secondly, I’m really sorry you’ve been the victim of abuse and verbal harrassment. that sucks! it really does!! but y’know what else has been used as a slur? gay, faggot, queen, dyke, bitch, etc, etc.

common theme here is, these words have been reclaimed, and if we police each others’ uses of them, we’re only feeding the heteronormative agenda, so maybe don’t sow discord in our own already-persecuted community? ‘queer’ has been used as an umbrella term since long before I was here to apparently besmirch it, and assuming you’re around the same online/tumblr demographic, long before you as well. ‘queer studies’ - my chosen field - has been a thing since the ‘70′s, to try and restrict the use of the word is to undo decades of our own history.

thirdly, uh, fuck you? there is an A, it stands for aromantic/asexual, and ain’t nothin you can do about it, sorry! our very existence as ace/aro folk disrupts heteronormativity by virtue of not being heterosexual+heteroromantic, by not adhering to the expectations and norms. it is a radical, transgressive, queer existence that is not allowed by heteronormative standards. it may not always be as visible as other queer existences, but by that logic, passing trans people and bi people in opposite-sex relationships also don’t count, and I’m sure you understand how untrue that is.

and we get our own special brand of hate, too! frigid, prude, heartless, deluded, sick, broken, etc, etc; to then turn around and give us shit from within the community that’s meant to harbour us from that particular hegemonic shitstorm just seems cruel, y’know? this isn’t the Opression Olympics, we’re all in it together fighting the grossness that is the heteropatriarchy, don’t you think it’d be more productive to stand in solidarity than bicker about who does and doesn’t belong? asexuality/aromanticism is the only thing the A has ever stood for, and trying to police and erase that seems a pretty shitty thing to do. you’d think members of a persecuted community would understand that, but I guess not.

sincerely,

the bitter and tired T, Q, A, and + of the acronym

EDIT: y'know, speaking at least for the western world, ever since there have been words for us, they’ve been used as slurs and reclaimed as identities, going back to the sodomites and tribades of the early modern era and the mollies and sapphists of the 1700s?? so, y'know. think about that for a minute maybe.

#ask #anonymous #queer stuff #asexuality #i've been fuming since i saw this last night when going to bed #what the hell mate why do you think this is necessary #if you're trying to exclude oppressed people from the community you're kind of misunderstanding the point of 'community'#acephobia //

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aro-culture-is · 3 years

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my friend identifies in a place we have dubbed the Dead Zone, which is like being straight but with absolutely no attraction to anyone of the opposite gender (so, ace). she doesn’t feel attraction to anyone and is uncomfortable with affection from pretty much anyone but me. today on a discord call with a couple other people she asked, in response to us whining about our exes “what’s so good about dating? and romance? how’s it different from friendships?” and i had to consider it for a moment before launching into a sloppy explanation about how it’s like taking friendship one step further? and its like a deeper connection? but it sounded like total bull because her and i both know that we will never have a bond as deep and meaningful as the one we have with each other. so how could i explain it to her? i’d like to hear it in the words of someone on the aromantic and asexual spectrum.

hi! sorry it’s taken a while to respond to this. I know @raavenb2619 responded a while ago.

Okay so there’s already a lot going on here. If someone experiences no attraction to anyone else, whether romantic or sexual, they are not straight unless they choose to identify that way. This is going to be a simplified explanation, but not experiencing or very rarely experiencing romantic attraction = aromantic (or aro spectrum), and the same but sexual attraction = asexual (or ace spectrum). Your friend is the only one who can and should be labeling herself. Don’t pressure her to change her labels if she feels that she is straight.

If she feels like she hasn’t experienced attraction but could, it’s possible she’s aro/ace spectrum, such as demiromantic or demisexual. As far as aro terminology goes, this site is a good resource for terms/explanations.

today on a discord call with a couple other people she asked, in response to us whining about our exes “what’s so good about dating? and romance? how’s it different from friendships?” and i had to consider it for a moment before launching into a sloppy explanation about how it’s like taking friendship one step further? and its like a deeper connection? but it sounded like total bull because her and i both know that we will never have a bond as deep and meaningful as the one we have with each other.

I mean, for one, I sincerely and strongly despise the notion that romance is taking friendship one step further. It implies that, as a group, aromantic people are lacking, and will never experience as deep of bonds as alloromantic people do. And yet, you yourself describe that that is not true.

To the best of my ability, my understanding is that romance is defined with respect to the culture of the ones experiencing it. The culture I live in describes it similarly to you. In the aromantic community, we refer to the idea of romantic attraction as a better or more important type of relationship than others as amatonormativity, similar to heteronormativity.

so how could i explain it to her? i’d like to hear it in the words of someone on the aromantic and asexual spectrum.

I can’t describe this for you. I don’t feel this type of attraction. While I occasionally feel sexual attraction, the concept of dating as an overall enjoyable experience doesn’t really make sense to me either. And I say this as an aro individual who has tried dating. It felt, to me, like a friendship in which I was expected to follow an additional, uncomfortable script that I could not relate to. I tired very hard to enjoy it - and I thought of her as a close friend - but it just didn’t work for me.

I don’t think this is what you hoped for, but... it’s what I’ve got.

- mod kee

#not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #question #mod kee #long post #dumbfuckryn

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thefandomhouse · 4 years

Text

just wanted to write out a bunch of My Hero thoughts/opinions because idk anybody else who watches it (or who would want to), but i don't really want to get into deep enough into the fandom to see the #drama

so, a bunch of random shit in no particular order:

- this is more about my relationship with anime in general but.... i always feel like i need to put a disclaimer on My Anime Opinions because of the perviness and fanservice and sexualization. it’s frustrating because the “shounen” genre (and yeah i know it’s not exactly a genre. whatever) caters to my interests in so many other ways!!! big, flashy battles, cool powers and magic systems, huge emphasis on The Power of Friendship, cheesy humor, great animation, everything is all kinds of HYPE and EXCITEMENT and FUN....but since shows like this are targeted towards teenage boys and often made by horny men, there’s also Boobs and token pervert characters that serve as an excuse to show More Boobs or Fantasize About Boobs. and the women’s powers are either “look i’m a girl!!!” (there were a couple of women early on in hunter x hunter whose powers were....sewing and vacuuming?? seriously??? and then another one later on who was an older woman who chose to make herself look like a little girl as her superpower??) or “what’s a power-related excuse to make these costumes As Skimpy As Possible” (cough cough Momo and Hagakure cough cough) or even having NO excuse (what the fuck, Bubble Girl, i know it was a fan design contest thing but that never should have been accepted it makes no sense i--) and that’s. really damn tiring and annoying. mha hasn’t quite crossed the line for me yet overall -- meaning my disgust with grape trash and other gross tropes hasn’t outweighed my enjoyment of every other aspect of the story and characters, and i hope that never becomes the case. (i tried to watch 7 deadly sins on netflix and??? the main character gropes an unconscious woman in literally the first episode with no consequences???? no fucking thank you!!!!! i’m OUT)

- anyway if anybody reads this and has any show recs that hit that Good Shounen Hype vibe with good animation, fantasy/sci-fi/superpower elements, but minimal (or nonexistent??) Creep Vibes, please send them my way. i know there are a bunch of good slice-of-life or comedy or drama shows that have queer themes and sensitive storytelling but man.....if there’s no magic or dragons what’s even the POINT

- on a related note, god fucking bless every “AU - M!neta M!norou Doesn’t Exist” fic on ao3, and everyone who makes every member of class 1-a queer in some way or another, so i can get my cool powers and great characters and dramatic plots without the threat of disgust and frustration

- also i just read the School Briefs series and while there were entirely too many chapters/sections that focused on grape trash, it WAS mentioned that Tiger of the Wild Wild Pussycats is canonically a trans man (who hasn’t been killed off!), and Shinso Hitoshi became the only man at UA I respect with one line: “He’s gotta be expelled for sexual harassment one of these days, right?”

- seriously, if shinso’s transfer gets approved i would literally rather have grape trash expelled than whoever ends up being the traitor (if it’s a hero course student. i honestly don’t really care about traitor speculation/theories).

- and yes “only man i respect” includes aizawa and every other 1-a boy who just!! lets shit happen with barely a comment!!! again, bless every fic where grape trash gets expelled early on or at the training camp because Hey, What He Does Is Fucked Up Actually and maybe someone who consistently disrespects and violates his peers’ boundaries and privacy shouldn’t be accepted as a HERO without getting some behavioral therapy first???? same kinda goes for bakugo too though, they really need to address his anger issues and beef with mido beyond “let’s force them to team up in high-stress situations even though this boy basically tried to obliterate the other one on, like, the second day of class. they’ll probably work it out!!”

- and on the subject of bakugo! i really fucking can’t ship him romantically with mido as their history and relationship stands in canon. (this is not meant to shame anybody for shipping it, i just want to articulate why it’s a notp for me personally. expressing my opinions is the point of this list.) i can see the foundations -- mido obsessed with baku, baku constantly frustrated by yet aware of mido, both of them being drawn to each other and tangled up in each other’s ideas of what it means to be a hero. but. baku made mido’s entire childhood hell. rejected and abused him for something he couldn’t control, ostracized him from all of his peers, mocked his passions, crushed his dreams, told him to jump off a roof. of course mido still clung to him--baku’s strong and smart and talented, and he was the only friend mido ever had, the only friend he had left, the “hero” he could see in his own life.

but at UA he has other friends, other heroes, people who support him and believe in him. it’s his chance to step outside of baku’s shadow and see his own self worth. and it’s baku’s chance to see how wrong he was, and outgrow his anger and prejudice!! see others as his equals instead of his inferiors! but it’s gonna take years for that to happen for both of them, and while i can see them becoming partners and friends who can finally talk to each other on the same level, and work together better than anyone because they know each other so damn well after everything they went through....i think they need to do that healing and growth separately, for the most part.

and like...okay, disclaimer, i am fully asexual and aromantic, so while i love reading shippy fics, there are some things i just cannot fucking understand or relate to. the whole “sexual tension between people who hate each other but can’t stop thinking about each other” or “arguments turn into make-out sessions” thing is just beyond me. if i hate a person i Do Not Want to be around them! at all!! so the idea that baku treats mido like that BECAUSE he’s attracted to him?? incomprehensible.

and on mido’s end, no matter how much he respects or admires baku, or even if he was endlessly infatuated with/attracted to him when they were younger, why the FUCK would he want to stay with someone who made him feel like dirt for so long, when he’s finally surrounded by people who love him fully and unapologetically? i want him to have more self-respect than that. i honestly, truly want to see baku grow and develop to the extent that he and mido can stand on the same level as equals. i want to see mido unashamed and unafraid, i want baku to apologize and mean it, i want mido to forgive him, i want baku to become the kind of hero mido always believed he could be.

but to me, that depth and complexity of relationship (while very very very good!!) is NOT the same thing as a romance, and turning it into one feels wrong when the foundations of it are just....baku tormenting mido, while mido had nothing and no one else to turn to. (his mom is great, but a parent is not the same as a friend, and she was literally the only person in his life who cared about him while baku and his cronies were beating him up and ridiculing him in front of teachers who turned a blind eye.) if they had been equal rivals from the beginning, with mido able to hold his own physically, socially, and/or emotionally instead of being left bruised and battered in the dirt every time, then sure! rivals to lovers, have at it. but for me, there’s gotta be that give-and-take.

i haven’t read shippy fic for those two and i’m sure there’s a lot of great stuff!! i’ve read platonic bk//dk-centric fic by writers who DO ship them and write mostly shippy stuff, and their take on that relationship is great and engaging and everything. but i feel like, to me, even when the growth and development of their canon-based relationship is handled really well, it’d feel wrong to me as soon as it turned romantic.

- .....which is one of the reasons why todo//mido is my JAM. bonding over shared loneliness and trauma, respecting each other as rivals right from the beginning, the contrast of chatty and sunny mido with quiet and calm todo, hurt/comfort on both sides, navigating their relationships with the people who have hurt them so much in the past, the capacity to be gentle and tender with each other while remaining passionate and dedicated rivals, growing and healing together, that good good Pining because neither one of them believes that they deserve the other, all of it!!! now THAT i can relate to and understand and see as the basis for romance. mido changed todo’s whole damn worldview in ONE FIGHT after todo spilled his whole tragic backstory to mido in their second conversation.

even so (and again, this might be ace/aro me not relating) i kinda roll my eyes whenever a fic emphasizes how attractive they find each other right away (especially on todo’s end, when mido is consistently described as plain or unremarkable). worst offenders are when they ~just so happen~ to be EXACTLY each other’s “type.” like, alright, sure, i gUESS.

it’s just so much more interesting to me if attraction follows affection instead of the other way around? especially in the context of canon events. but whatever, love at first sight’s just not my thing. never has been. and i like the idea that even though the start of their friendship is so chaotic and rushed in some ways, it still takes them time to get to know each other and come to terms with their own feelings. (slow burn slow burn SLOW BURN)

- okay those are all my more sincere/serious opinions

- i know canon is like “stop being such a crybaby :/” but mido crying all the time is one of my favorite things about him and i hope it never goes away, at least not completely

- some fics have mido getting growth spurts and getting really tall, and it’s an anime trope that getting taller parallels character growth/maturity (like Ed growing up in FMA after being short and mad about it was one of his defining characteristics for so long) but again......i just want him to stay short....please let my boy stay a small overemotional nerd.... hori please i’m begging you

- it’s hilarious to me that the “dabi is a todoroki” theory is present in almost every single damn fic where that character makes an appearance. personally i have no stake in the theory (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true, wouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t) but i feel like it’s never gonna die even after his identity is truly revealed

- apparently shinso/kami is a decently popular ship and i.....have no idea if those two have ever interacted at all?? did they talk to each other in the show or in the manga or some side story and i missed it? are they popular JUST because they parallel eraser//mic to some extent??? or is it purely a case of “those personalities would be fun together--SHIP TIME”?? idk i don’t get it but it’s funny

- back to School Briefs, there’s a neat Kendo-centric chapter during the school festival that ends up being an introspective on kendo’s relationship with her own gender and the idea of performing femininity for the beauty pageant and it kind of rules??

- there’s also an entire chapter from the pov of koda’s bunny during their first couple days in the dorms. apparently koda can’t understand animals, he can just control them by talking to them!

- in shinso’s chapter he overhears the dance squad talking about the sports festival and he hears mido talk about how useful and great shinso’s quirk will be for hero work and shinso’s like “!!! thank you???? finally???” and then resolves to get stronger and make it into the hero course before they meet again

- during the school festival when mido ran off to make eri’s candy apples, iida and todo were like “is he running into trouble again?? can he PLEASE tell us where he’s going? we would track his phone but he never brings it with him anyways!!! what are we supposed to do about him!!!!” and then they found out what he was doing and went “oh ;u;”

- School Briefs in general (minus grape trash sections) were exactly the kind of “slice of life but there are superpowers” fluffy nonsense i always crave, would recommend

- also hilarious: baby mido in fic (especially de-aging fic) is often either a) the Most Precious Sunshine Child in Existence, even villains can’t help but adore him, or b) the most obnoxious, borderline-creepy, whiny little brat in existence, No Wonder Baku Couldn’t Stand Him. i imagine the “reality” would fall somewhere in the middle and it’s always a little jarring when authors so solidly fall on one extreme or the other lmfao

- just bnha fanfic things: “is this an intentional use of All for One vs One for All or was it a typo/mistake on the author’s part??”

- that’s all i’ve got for now yall i love these characters

#some minor efforts have been taken to keep this from showing up in main tags #but not really #so if it does uh: these are just a bunch of barely coherent opinions thrown together inone long monster post #mine

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