#so much for recovery

[privatethoughtswithbelle]

I cut myself two weeks ago. I still don't know why. I was drunk and apparently more sad than I thought. I picked some up and thought "oh that's sharp!" Then the next thing I know I'm bleeding. It's worse than it's ever been. That scared me. Cutting has always been about control for me, and that was the least in control of my actions I've been in a *long* time.

Now it fucking itches but it's been two and a half weeks since I hurt myself, even a little bit. I've thought about it. I've thought about it more times than I can count.

Do you ever get a little bit tired of life?

#personal #mine #text post #shut up belle #self harm #trigger warning #tw: suicial thoughts #so much for recovery #tw sh relapse

[nerdpoe]

Dick gets his drink mixed up with another persons in the library while visiting Barbara.

He was drinking some kale smoothie thing, for health and stuff, and he set it down to grab a book from the shelf. There was another guy next to him, who also had a smoothie in the same kind of shake-n-go bottle.

They swapped by accident.

Dick checked out his book, said goodbye to Barbara, and took a sip of his smoothie.

That's the last thing he remembers.

He wakes up two days later pinned down by a practically feral Jason, who's eyes are glowing a sickly Lazarus green, with Bruce, Tim, Cass, and Duke all showing signs of losing a fight. He's sore everywhere, and Damian is nowhere to be seen.

"Uh...." his voice cracks, and he's suddenly aware of how fucking painful his throat is. "Hi? What's going on?"

"...Is it really you, Dickwing? I swear to God if it isn't and this is another-"

"Jay I really don't know what's going on, man."

Jason doesn't believe him. Dick is cuffed with anti-meta cuffs and escorted to the cave, where Bruce demands test after test and Dick tells them the last thing he remembers.

Apparently, after taking that sip, his eyes had turned to Lazarus green, and he had beelined for the mansion. Along the way there, he had run into the Riddler.

He had broken most of the Riddler's bones.

That was when everyone had been called in to subdue Dick, who for some strange reason kept gunning for Damian. Hence, Damian was upstairs and not allowed down until they were sure Dick was okay again.

It's concluded that Dick drank some alternate form of Lazarus Water, lost his mind, proceeded to take everyone out with enhanced strength and speed except Jason, who had entered a Pit episode just to keep up, and worked through it two days after consumption.

But who the fuck transported a material as dangerous as modified Lazarus Water in a fucking shake-n-go bottle?

Danny, however, is a little sad that his ecto-shake was stolen by some rando at the library.

Their kale smoothie was pretty good though.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #dick kept gunning for damian because he wanted to take damian somewhere safe #his parental instincts mixed with ghostly obsession for a bit #ironically if they'd let him reach damian no one would have gotten hurt #he'd have just taken damian to his apartment and made him eat cereal #but the bats kept getting in the way #so he got territorial and saw them as a threat #jason went toe to toe with him only because he was raged out on the pit #bruce got his ass handed tp him because he tried to hold back and only restrain #dick needs some recovery time because human muscles weren't meant to exert that much force #also if the bats hadn't fought him the ecto would have been in his system for a week #but it sped up going through his system because of the fighting

[the-jesus-pill]

You’ve got to forgive yourself for being traumatized and needing to learn how to function again. 

Recovery isn’t always nightmares and depression, it’s forgetting to eat, being scared of what others might see as completely normal things, it’s getting random panic attacks, not knowing how to take care of yourself, not knowing how to live like an adult, even if you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, of feeling like you’re failing to function in a world where everyone seems to have their shit together. 

If you need help, ask for it. Go to forums and ask for advice. Take advantage of community resources. Buy pre-sliced veggies and fruits, eat instant meals if you can’t cook for yourself today. Hire someone. Ask a neighbor for a favor. Buy any item you think might make life easier, even if you feel like you aren’t ‘disabled’ enough to have it. 

Some of the depression posts (ie open your windows, take a shower, go outside, call a friend) are really helpful but they’re not always enough. I’ve found advice for spoonies, people with chronic pain or other disabilities have the best tips because they know what it’s like to be bedridden, out of energy, stuck in a brain fog. 

You may never return back to the energy you had when you were younger and you might always need to use crutches to help you through life. It’s the same with medication. 

Trauma is a real thing that happens to you, it physically alters your brain and it’s alright to have lasting scars. 

You’re not broken, your life is not over and you can still be happy. 

It’s not your fault.

#felix speaks #trauma #recovery #deconversion #ex cult #ex religious #ptsd #cptsd #healing #disabled #actually traumatized #spoonies #things i need to remind myself with too #it sucks to have to come to terms with the fact #but youll be so much better off once you stop denying yourself the help you need #also re: buying items meant for the disabled #do it! #you are not taking resources away #if you need it you need it #and the more in demand these items are the better theyll be made in the future

[slut-kiss-g1rl]

ed is kicking my fucking ass

#so much for recovery #tw ed #soups bad times

[edthotss]

gonna try and skip one meal every day! i think that will be a good start

#so much for recovery #how fast i fall down the rabbit hole #tw ed #chatters

[catgirl-kaiju]

me: hmh getting hungry

adhd: u can't eat rn you're already doing something

autism: there is nothing in the house that u like

anorexia: like u even need any calories

trauma: u've barely done anything today. you don't deserve to eat

little anime girl: burg her

me: burg her...

me:

little anime girl:

#shitpost #comedy #humor #legit anime girls eating burgers has helped with my ed so much #adhd #eating disoder recovery #anorexia #ed #eating disorder tw #burger #anime #trauma #traume recovery #mental health #actuallyadhd #actuallyautistic #autistic #tw disordered eating #neurodivergent

[positivelyadhd]

i have been reading through the diary I kept from ages 14-17 and realising how helpful it can be to keep a record of how you're feeling at different moments.

not only is it helpful to write down and process how your feeling and give yourself time to truly think about it, it's nice to have something to look back on. to not just remember how you felt about a certain situation but to actually have yourself from that time tell you.

and also, from an adhd perspective, it's really lovely to have reminders of things I'd almost entirely forgotten. it's easy to think that your life right now isn't interesting, but in 5 years time? to know what songs you were listening to or book you were reading or even that Thing that you were so worried about but now you can't even remember the details. it's nice to have a physical reminder that time passes and things really can get better.

#i think part of whats makes it so special to me is that (like it is for a lot of people) those ages where so *much* #and i was so stuck in my head and socially anxious and i feel like those years of school rly shaped who i am now ect #but id kind of forgotten? its become a blur emotions over time and its nice to see it clearer #but also how i changed? and to read into it and see what i did or didn't write #im also a big fan of the inner child and doing things for your younger self and its a lovely gift to have her speaking to me directly #also if you want to journal i highly recommend doing it in a normal notebook rather than a pre planned one #it gives you the freedom for it to be whatever you want with none of the pressure #recovery #tips

[thoradvice]

you don't have to live up to other people's expectations of you to be worth something. you have inherent value, and inherently deserve love and kindness. you'll find meaning in life outside of academics or skills, for there is so much more out there.

it's okay if you aren't what your parents or teachers wanted. you're you, and that'll always be enough.

#i have .. so much gifted kid trauma #so if you're the same i love u and it'll get better #gifted kid burnout #positivity #recovery #thor speaks

[rbtlvr]

(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)

i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!

okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again

your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #little kid with a big death wish #my art #forgor all my tags its ok ill come back later <3 anyway #god theres legit so so so much more i wanted to say but i cant get. the words right augh #i kinda tried to put some of it in the comic though so. yeah. the emotions anyway #idk idk i just have a Lot of feelings abt this fic and how real it feels and just . man. it hits so so hard /pos #just... the fact that dw leo has been through everything he has and is capable of recovery and living. even if he doesnt want to live just #yet. hes getting there. makes me feel like i can too as cheesy as that sounds lajfd;lajlfkl #anyway ive rambled enough i spent ten (10) full days on this comic i am setting it loose into the world. be free #suicide attempt cw #dissociation cw #<- just to be safe. ask to tag if theres anything else lafj;dljsafkl

[catastrxblues]

EVERMORE by taylor swift (feat. bon iver) — “and i was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. and i couldn’t be sure, i had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be forevermore.”

my #swiftiegiftexchange2024 for @lovesickallovermybed!!!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽

#HIII HII HII how are you <3333 SO sorry for being slightly to the party but HII #i saw that you are currently recovering from surgery and i‘m wishing you all the best and =a faster recovery 💗💗 i hope you’re okay and #are feeling and getting much better every day 💗💗💗 #i’m your anon swiftie and it was really nice to get to know you!! 🫶🏽 you’re super super talented and your gifs are so so STUNNING #it was such an honor to be your anon for this event and i had such a fun time making this ! #i was SO excited when i saw that some of your favorite ts songs are evermore and idsb. really really sorry i didn’t have the time to make #something for both because my laptop went dead for sometime and i ended up only having the time to make this 😭 #evermore the song is something i hold and cherish deeply in my heart too and it was something that has seen some of the worst of my days #and so i decided to do this song for your gift instead! #i can’t really gif much and couldn’t even try #because my laptop in which i had installed ps in went rip so i decided to make you this #(slightly messy sorryy) scrapbook of my view of the song! i tried to incorporate some of the descriptive lyrics and the objects mentioned i #the song and i hope you like it 😁! #and because i think evermore is also something that IS meant to be incredibly personal to the people that listen to it #i decided to include some photos (+added highlights on every lyric that has ever touched me which is almost everything as you can see 😭) #of some of my journal pages on which i rewrote the entire lyrics (except bon iver’s addition 😅) in ‘21 when the song meant to me the most! #i hope you're having a great dayy love 🫶🏽🫶🏽 #SwiftieGiftExchange2024 #taylor swift #tswiftedit #evermore #*my edits #nadine.mp3

[buwheal]

...Unfortunately, no. I don't doubt that you hear something, but we can't hear anything on our end. What does it sound like?

(If you’re going to help out, it’d great to also add something to distract him :-) )

#Youre being asked for help. Dont fuck up this opportunity. Or do. I cant control you. :-) #[you've got mail!] #spamton #spamton g spamton #deltarune #deltarune spamton #deltarune chapter 2 #teehee hope youre enjoying the aftermath recovery of what you causseeeddd #ill fix the gif looping when i get homeeee because for whatever reason my phone wont let me have stopping gifs??? #not animating the static for this one because the file size is huggeeeee and also thats a lot of damn work for how many frames there are #thank you anon so much for playing along AND giving a great ask!!! very well worded i appreciate it #WAAAGGHHH WAGGHHHH YOURE MAKIBGVME FEEL BAD #:-(

[nwarrior777]

another positivity post!

i said i will not post off top untill new art post because it's originally my art blog bla bla bla but!!! BUT!!!

I AM 26 AND IT'S FIRST TIME I MADE THIS DISH!! and it's my first complicated dish, which i didn't know the pipeline and cooked by recipe!

IT'S SMTH LIKE PANCAKES FROM PLACE I WAS BORN AND it always seemed to me like smth from adult cooking!!! like i've maybe did the flip part at childhood but never the dough! and today i woke up early in the morning and it was raining and it was so cozy and i just decided to try and!!!! i did it!!! and it didn't even took the whole day, i am usually waking up at time atm, but look at me, seating and eating this!!!

i can't belive it, i am!!! adult!!! who is curing from depression!!!

best morning ever!!!

#positivity post #depression recovery #you people gave so much positivity feedback to prev recovery post! so i decided to share another big win! #hope it will be inspirational too!

[vorestarr]

just always thinking about Astarion's ever-present hunger and how it's the first thing he comments on after ascension. ("I... I can't feel it. That ache in my stomach, that hunger - It's gone.")

thinking about how such a key aspect of Cazador's control and torture was keeping the spawn hungry. the seven in his house forbidden from eating thinking creatures, Astarion fed a diet of rats only, the 7000 below not fed at all.

and how Astarion's first time feeding on a thinking creature is because he's testing whether the tadpole that lets him walk in the sun also freed him from Cazador's control. how he finds himself thinking about the blood of whoever he's talking to in casual conversations. how he keeps fully draining the animals he hunts, and even drains a bear in one night. how he kills the player character when he feeds from them for the first time if they don't stop him. how if the player sleeps with him and agrees to let him drink from them during sex, it's a huge approval boost. all the little comments about his hunger throughout the game -- if you dig up the tiefling grave in the grove he remarks that it's not fresh but he'll keep it in mind if he needs a snack later, in the mausoleum he quips "bodies bodies everywhere but not a drop to drink" about the skeletons, if you read his mind before ascension he's thinking about the smell of blood all around, the examples go on and on.

it seems like such a critical part of his internal state to me. he lives his entire undead life in a state of constant hunger, and when he's finally free to eat his fill, he's also hyper-aware of how the people around him may turn on him or try to kill him for how he eats -- he emphasizes that he feeds on animals when he confesses his vampirism to the player, even when he's caught almost feeding from them in the middle of the night.

i just think that must be such a powerful motivation. this need that is constantly at the surface, that he is constantly aware of and consciously not acting on, and that was also used against him, to control him, for centuries.

and i think it's so fascinating from a character perspective that he doesn't feed from humanoids not because of any moral issue, but because he was forbidden and physically could not do it. (Dalyria tried to drink from the girl you find in Cazador's mansion and she was physically sick, retching and choking.) he doesn't drink from humanoids when traveling with the companions if the player specifically forbids it, because he recognizes he needs the party and he's willing to put up with this to stay with the group.

but he's always thinking about it.

and then all of that, plus the fact that when he confronts Cazador, he views his options as killing Cazador without performing the ritual or killing Cazador by performing the ritual. he seemingly never even thinks of the idea that he could drink Cazador's blood, and that feels pretty significant too.

#astarion #like he steps away from sex and physical intimacy when it becomes too much #but he can't really do that with food #i think about him and recovery from issues with food a lot #idk if this really counts but im tagging this with meta so i can find it later #meta #astarion ancunin

[xiaoming56]

Hated that last episode so i drew this to convince myself i liked it

#didn work i still hate that last ep #LIKE OK LEMME RANT HERE #they cld hav had LITERALLY ANY OTHER VILLAIN #but they chose to undo stranges whoooole character development from szn 1 bcos The Voices i guess #and sure u can make the argument of oH greif isn a linear recovery process AND YES IT ISN BUT IT DOESN MEAN SUDDENLY FORGETTING #WHAT UVE LEARNT WHEN U INITIALLY FUCKED ARD N FOUND OUT!!?! #aaND ALSO it wld hav been SO MUCH BETTER if it was like a different villain who was trying to feed the forge #but strange realises that it requires a powerful being to be fed into it #so he sacrifices himself to the forge to rebuild his universe #ultimately making good on his words from szn1 where he tells the watcher to punish him instead of his universe #AND STILL MAKE HIM THE HERO BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HES A VILLAIN #MCU STOP VILLAINISING STRANGE CHALLENGE!! #srsly he was sortof villainised in spiderman nwh and then all his variants in MOM are bad dudes N NOW UR GNA MAKE IT SO THAT SUPREME IS EVIL #NAHHH I REFUSE #i reject ur canon #ok rant over sorry abt that guys :) #im v passionate abt this character 😭 #doctor strange #stephen strange #strange supreme #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #what if #what if...?

[sleepanonymous]

Alright, this video hurts so bad to watch but! Vessel had runes painted on him?! Did we know this? Has this been talked about?!

(@thejawsoffate pspsps 🖤🙏 could you help decode? he's got them on his arms and neck but he's moving so much i can't make anything out)

#sleep token #vessel sleep token #vessel #video #song tmbte #song take me back to eden #on a side note #i really hope this man feels all the love we gave him last night #i'm so worried he's disappointed #or that he might feel like he let us down #and i just want him to feel happy and proud of himself #he's accomplished so much #and right before a major life milestone (i'm trying to be vague on purpose) #i hope he has the best night sleep he's ever had in his life #i hope he a speedy recovery from whatever ailment kept him from singing (be it sickness or an anxiety attack or both) #and i hope everyone close to him lets them know how proud they are of his accomplishments

[uncanny-tranny]

Weight gain as a form of recovery, I LOVE YOUUUU ✨️💐🙇‍♂️

#mental health #recovery #weight gain as recovery #sometimes i get those videos like 'watch me recovery from [trauma/disorder/abuse]' and you see them gain weight and 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 #i know i've talked about this but people still don't recogize that weight gain can actually... be good #and that it can be a core physical/mental aspect of recovering from whatever you are recovering from #the idea that recovering is solely like... mental and you cannot/should not change physically if it's not 'societally-acceptable' is evil #dear person reading this: if your recovery involves weight gain that is significant and matters so much and it is neutral at WORST #this can be a complex topic for some but just know... it's neutral at worst. no matter what