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#so what's better than listening to all too well
januaryembrs · 3 days
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oblivious!reader x downbad!spencer who’s not even nervous to flirt with reader anymore cuz she just doesn’t get it (probs older episodes spence)
CLUELESS | Spencer Reid x reader
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description: Spencer's got a crush, too bad you're entirely clueless to his dilemma. (S3!Spencer in mind)
length 1.2k
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At first he’d thought it was the world’s gentlest form of rejection, how you would dodge his questions, barely bat an eye at him laying himself bare for you, thought that maybe you were pretending not to see the way his hands shook and voice quivered to save him some face. 
“I-I was wondering if you wanted to go see Zodiac at the movie theatre?” He stammered, obsessively tucking his hair behind his ear because it felt like it was ticking his cheeks, or perhaps that was just some residual sweat gathering on his temple because you were just so pretty when you looked at him like that, your eyes wide and excited, waiting for him to finish speaking because you always loved to listen to him, “I was thinking we could try comparing it to the actual case and figure out how accurate their hollywood version of it is,” 
Your face lit up like the fourth of July, and your smile was blinding, “Oh, I love the movies! It’s going to be so fun, Spence!” You chirped, whirling around in your desk chair to meet Emily’s bored stiff expression as she scrolled through her computer, “Em, Spencer wants us to go see Zodiac, you in?” 
Spencer paled, because that was not what he’d meant by we whatsoever. It wasn’t that he held anything against Emily, nor JJ or Penelope as they were quickly roped into the plans as well, he just hadn't had them in mind when he thought to ask you out on a date. From what he could tell you hadn’t escaped spending time with him alone on purpose. He just hadn’t quite been specific in his question, it was an easy mistake to make. 
But you looked so excited as you organised who was getting what snacks, quickly dibsing the seat slap bang in the middle of everyone so you wouldn’t feel like anyone got left out. He thought his chest stuttered when you grabbed his hand and asked if you could sit with him since he’d remember the most about the original case, and you’d need his big brain for the little game he had planned. 
Spencer agreed, instead of trying to make it clear what he’d meant by his original question, because he hated disappointing people and the other girls seemed just as thrilled to go see the movie as you were. It wasn’t until Morgan slapped him on the back with a chuckle, having watched the whole thing from his own desk that Spencer felt truly dumb. 
“You’re going to have to try better than that, pretty boy,” He exclaimed, and Spencer bit his lip in thought, “Try asking her to do something in a way that leaves no room for confusion, girls like it when you’re direct,” 
And he nodded vehemently, because dating advice from Morgan was usually sound and bulletproof, how else would would he have garnered the ladies man reputation?
Direct, he could be direct. Sure, Spencer could be direct. 
He swallowed heavily just thinking about it. 
“These are for you,” Spencer jumped in before you could get sidetracked by chatting his ear off about the squirrel you’d nearly ran over on your way to work, and your expression flitted into surprise. 
He handed you the big bunch of pink roses and baby’s breath, and your mouth cracked into a smile immediately. “Oh, Spencer, these are beautiful, you shouldn’t have. My birthday’s not for another week,” 
“And I booked us a table at that Thai place on your block that you always get- wait birthday?” Spencer stumbled over his script, the words he’d been practising all morning coming to an effective halt as he realised once again his intentions had flown right over your head. And yet before he could set his record straight, just like you had last time, you’d jumped at the chance of spending time with him without understand just what you were agreeing to. 
“I love Thai food, that’s so thoughtful of you, Spence,” You said, hopping up out of your chair to give him a bear hug around his lithe waist, the flowers still tightly in the palm of your hand. He reciprocated, even if his expression was a terrible mix of frustration and confusion. 
It was like someone had cast some sort of spell over his words so that he’d never be able to ask you out on a date, like he was trying to speak in a dream, the words never really coming out. You weren’t dumb, not by any means, you could be a little naive sometimes, but never cruel. Spencer had no idea what the answer was. He guessed he was right back at square one.
“I don’t know man, I tried asking her to the movies, she thought it was a group thing. I tried taking her out for dinner, she thought it was for her birthday, I even asked if she wanted to come over to mine and she thought I meant a sleepover. What’s romantic about pillow forts?” Spencer sighed, leaning his head into his palm as he watched you swan around the office without a single inkling of his affections, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had fun at every one of them, but I just want there to be more. Maybe she just doesn’t feel the same,” 
“Don’t lose hope, pretty boy,” Derek comforted, the seemingly appointed love Guru that had had to witness two weeks of Spencer’s advances get sidelined. He followed Reid’s gaze to where you hummed a song to yourself as you collected files from Emily’s desk to take them over to your own. He bit his lip in thought, “I don’t think it’s personal, honest, I don’t think she means anything by it. You just need to be clearer,” 
“Clearer?” Spencer said with raised brows, using a single prod of his converse to swivel himself around to face you, and your expression perked into a smile just from seeing him. Derek watched the two of you closely, his theory all but game set and match as you seemed genuinely excited to see their resident genius who was convinced there was nothing there, “That shirt is really cute on you. It makes your eyes look really pretty,” Spencer said, in his most direct tone possible, because the nervousness seemed to dissipate when he knew you wouldn’t pick up on his intentions. The only sign you’d heard him at all was the way your fingers ruffled his hair affectionately. 
“Aw, thank you, Spencer,” You said, a little bounce in your step as you passed his desk to your own, running a gentle hand over his arm, where his blue striped shirt bunched around his biceps, “I like your purple one the best, but this one’s quite handsome too,” You replied, grabbing the other wad of papers from your drawer without much of a reaction and heading up the stairs to Hotch’s office, and he turned back to Morgan, throwing his hands up in exasperation. 
Morgan laughed, shaking his head and yanking his cup of coffee towards him, “She’ll figure it out some day, lover boy. I give it a month, tops,” 
And Spencer huffed, wheeling himself back to his desk, his eyes naturally trailing up to the large window that divided them from Hotch’s personal space, the two of you discussing something jovially as if you were none the wiser to his internal predicament. 
He made a note to wear his purple shirt more often.
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princessisfinethx · 2 days
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Baby Fever pt. 2
New dad!König x new mom!Reader.
Fluff, post-pregnancy, post-birth, mentions of premature birth. Y'know, a sprinkle of angst. Bit it's all happy domestic stuff. Enjoy.
Your eyes fluttered open and you realize the baby wasn't crying. When you checked your phone, it was 2 in the morning. It was feeding time, so you turned over and climbed out of bed, not realizing it was empty on the other side. You hummed and went to grab one of the bottles out of the warmers, already filled with the formula but found there was no bottle.
You hum, exhausted mind turning over trying to think why you didn't prepare a bottle beforehand. And why your alarm didn't go off. You walk to the baby room and pause, seeing a dim light on, as well as hearing soft muttering. Walking slowly, you peak into the room...
König was standing in the middle of the room, your baby girl cradled in one arm, rather, one hand. His other hand held the bottle up for her. He was rocking and turning, talking to her. He had on his pajama pants, and slippers but no shirt on.
"Mommy's friends didn't like me. I think they were just jealous of her." He smiled down at her, taking the bottle away and setting it down. He throws the towel over his shoulder like you showed him and gently placed the newborn girl up, supporting her head. "C'mon, get those nasty burps out." He rubs her back then gently taps.
"Your mommy challenged me to a game of pool. I've played it a few times but I said yes. And she won, but don't tell mommy, I let her win." He chuckled. "Then she let me buy her a drink or two- ehm, they were soda drinks." He cleared his throat. Then smiled again. There was a soft muffled burp and she spit up. König laughed again and carefully maneuvered the baby and the towel to wipe her mouth clean. "That was a good one. Almost as loud as daddy's eh?"
You stayed leaning against the doorway, listening to König's stories.
"The doctors said you were born too early, and very weak. But I think that just proved those silly doctors wrong. Look at you, burping like a sailor! Oh don't cry meine Blume, I've got you. See?" He cooed softly and you heard the baby whine a little. König hummed softly and you heard him tapping her back, and then he laughed softly. "Did you poop on me? A fart. I knew you'd be more trouble than your mommy."
You couldn't help smile. You heard him go over to the changing table and carefully remove her diaper. You watched from the door as König winced. "You did a number in there. I wouldn't be surprised if you woke mommy up with that stench." He said as he cleaned her bottom. He threw the dirty diaper away and placed a new one on. He throws some powder into the diaper.
"When you came out, and the doctors told us you were a girl, I was so thrilled." He put the pajamas back on, carefully snapping the bottoms closed. "But they said you and mommy needed to stay in the hospital for a little longer. I got so scared for both of you, both of my girls. I ran out and bought your mommy a ring. I know, I should have married her before you came out...I was scared. But when you were born I was even more scared! What could daddy do except wait?" He sighed heavily and placed the baby girl against his chest.
"I didn't know babies could come out so small...you were tiny. They kept you in a little glass machine, I don't remember exactly why but, they said it helped you breathe. Ah but I knew better. They just had to keep you contained because you were a fighter. Ready to knock out the next doctor who told you otherwise." He pressed his lips to against her head and smiled. "And they said momma couldn't breastfeed you. She was sad, she thought she did something wrong but everything turned out just right huh? We're all here." He turned and smiled when he saw you standing at the door. "Ah. You did wake momma with your stinky bottom."
You sighed, some tears in your eyes as you walked over to him. With your daughter in one hand, he used his free hand to cradle your head to his chest. "Oh I'm sorry meine libeling, I didn't mean to make you sad." You shake your head and look up at him.
"No, not sad. Just happy. Happy sad." You shrug and sniffle. He gently ran his fingers through your hair and you spoke again. "How many times are you gonna tell her the hospital stories?"
He smiled and pressed a kiss to your head. "Until she learns to talk and tells me to stop. But maybe I'll tell her before she goes to her first day of school, or her first prom, or when she leaves for college." He takes a deep breath and slowly let it out. You could tell he was trying not to cry. "I wonder how close the colleges are here." You laughed and wiped your eyes.
"Stop talking about her leaving. You're making me more sad." You gently take the baby in your arms and kiss her head, rocking slowly. You felt König's arms encircle your body and his head on top of yours.
"I'm sorry. C'mon, let's get you both back to bed. My girls." His voice was soft, but tired. You nodded in agreement and gently set the girl down into the crib. You made sure she wouldn't fuss, then turned to König. Who then picked you up and carried you to the bedroom. He laid you down, kicked his slippers off and crawled into bed with you. You laid your head against his chest and you felt his hands finding their resting spot against against your thigh and back.
After a second, you mumbled against him. "Don't lie to our baby girl. You lost that pool game because you kept staring at my ass."
He laughed, making your head bounce. "I'm not telling our girl that."
"Then you can tell her you lost fair and square because you were so in love with me." You pressed a kiss to his neck. He leaned down and stole a kiss from you, then laid his head down.
"Maybe. But, maybe I did let you win." He was smiling and you grumbled in disagreement. "Sleep meine libeling. We'll settle this on our next pool game, drinks on me."
"Soda drinks."
A/n.: I'm sad, trapped in a stinky hotel. So I brainstormed this mess while watching Jurassic Park. I made it kinda sad but it's still all fluff. No more baby fever fic after this.
And, I thought about mentioning how reader can't breastfeed because my mom told me she couldn't for me. (For different reasons) But she said some trashy religious people told her if she couldn't breastfeed then she wasn't cut out to be a mom. And I know that today, there are still some people who find that using formula is 'unnatural' or 'cheating'. But I'm here to tell you, some people are literally just gonna try making you feel bad about everything. Do what you feel is the best thing, whether it's for yourself, for your child, for your pet, everything.
That was long. Sorry. Felt like ranting.
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phyrestartr · 1 day
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Icarus Drabbles (Pt.3) | Sukuna x M!Reader
W/C: 3k #NSFW, Modern AU, ABO dynamics, bottom!reader, top!sukuna, Mob Boss!Sukuna, Alpha!Sukuna, Street Doctor!Reader, Omega!Reader, toxic relationships, age gap, sukuna is mid 30s, yuuji gang and reader are mid 20s, sukuna and yuuji are brothers, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, blowies are received and given, mentions of character death
tags: @kamote-kuneho @prettorett @better-imagination-9 @flowersatwork @tr4nniez
Done Deal
“You let me fuck you, and I'll give you anything you want.” That was his proposition. No more flirting, no more attempts to seduce you, just his obsessive pining resulting in a deal. 
But you didn't seem too bothered sitting across the desk from none other than Ryoumen Sukuna, who lounged comfortably, puffing on a cigar like he didn't just offer to pay you for sex. Granted, it wasn't just the sex he wanted. It was more than that. 
You took a moment before speaking. “I thought you were the kind of guy who'd take without asking.” 
“Who, me? Come on, sweetheart, I'm a gentleman.” Sukuna grinned and watched you wave the coils of smoke out of your face. 
You looked him over, not betraying your thoughts. “And if I refuse?” 
Sukuna's smile simmered down, unamused with the mere concept of rejection. “I'll still get what I want. And you'll leave here penniless.” His men locked the doors loudly at the other end of the vast office, making their point. “So? What’ll it be?” 
You took a slow breath. “I want a condo. In Tokyo.” 
“That's it?” 
“Paid in full.” 
“Now you’re talkin'.” 
You stood from your chair and walked around the desk as you unzipped your jacket. “And my name's going on title.” 
Sukuna undressed you with his eyes like the millions of times he'd done so prior. “Ho? You wanna be the one to pay all the taxes, huh?” He turned his chair to you as you approached. Sukuna spread his legs wider to make room for you to stand between, but you instead boldly straddled his lap. He knew he liked you for a reason. 
“I can forward them to you.”
“You think I'll pay them?” One of his broad palms groped at your ass. His stomach coiled with excitement; he was going to enjoy ripping you apart. 
“I know you will,” you hummed. Sweetly, you tilted Sukuna's chin up to get a good look at his handsome face. 
“Oh?” 
“Mhm.”
“‘N why's that?” Sukuna whispered. 
“Because you want to.” Your hands slipped down his neck, down to his shoulders. “Because you think I'll come back for more.”
“I know you'll come back for more.” 
“If you live long enough,” you sighed before plucking the cigar from his fingers and snuffing it out. “These things'll kill you, you know.” 
Sukuna fucked you on his desk moments after. His men stayed in the room all the while, watching and shifting with unease or simmering urges of his own. He vaguely recalled taking a phone call, too. 
So how the hell did we end up here? He had to wonder; back then, he bribed you for your affection, paid you handsomely but purposefully left you wanting more and more and more. He wanted to provide for you, in a weird, twisted way, and that was his method since, well, he wasn't ever sure he'd really get you to stay. 
Yet there he was, waking up in a house with his husband next to him and his daughter in the crib beside you. It felt so…bizarrely natural. Normal. Almost like he met a need he didn't even know he had. 
He hardly spent his nights at his casino, Malevolent Shrine, any longer. He didn't wander the floors looking for liars and easy targets for his dealers. He didn't head up to his penthouse at the crack of dawn with a new dame on his arm every night; he wanted to come here, to the home he had built to house his new family. Sukuna wanted to collapse into this bed, hear you bitch and moan about Gojo or Geto or whatever idiot employed you that day, spend time with his little pup and listen to her yip and babble about nothing and everything. He wanted these moments. He wanted to cherish the little sparks of light in his life before the universe snuffed them out like– 
Gramps is dead, Yuuji had said, voice quivering on the other end of the line. What do we do? 
Sukuna closed his eyes and rubbed his face, willing away the memory. He hadn't had to act like a big brother in so long, but the instinct came rushing back to him the second he heard his little brother in tears. It was all handled swiftly, everything from the cremation, to probate, to settling the estate–but the weight of death and finality clung to the air like petrichor after a storm. 
Sukuna looked to your sleeping face for respite. It helped to see you, to be reminded that you'd chosen to stay with him through thick and thin. Still, he couldn't help but remember what his grandfather asked him the day he met Touka. 
Where does this end, kid? 
This. The gang life. The life that's too unrefined and brutal to be considered yakuza. Because Sukuna didn't deal in honour. He dealt in violence, drugs and money–that voice spoke louder than honour and family. 
But didn't he reclaim his family? Didn't he honour you with change? 
Where does this end, kid?
Maybe with honour and family. 
“I can feel you having a crisis,” your scratchy voice mumbled through the static in Sukuna's mind. Your eyes opened a crack to find his own crimson set before you wriggled up to him and half-laid on his chest. “What's wrong?”
“Your bony-ass chin’s digging into my tit.” 
“Mmmh.” 
“You like money more, or me?” He asked. 
You snorted. “I like you and your money equally.” You let your head loll to the side to press your cheek against his chest. “But I like you more, I guess.” 
“You guess?” 
“I'm kidding, idiot. If I cared about money, I would've married into the Zenin family.” You sat up and looked down at your partner with bleary eyes. “Where's this coming from anyway?”
Sukuna huffed and scowled at the ceiling. “Nowhere. It's nothing. Forget it.” 
“Don't be a little bitch. Just tell me.” And when he didn't budge, you added, “Suku. Come on.” And when he still refused to cooperate, you resorted to, “Alpha, please?” 
His eyes snapped to you so fucking fast it made his face burst into flames. You grinned, so stupidly enthralled and in love with how the gross, domestic pet name fucked him up and--fucking hell, it was so cute but so annoying. 
“Fuck you.” 
“N'awe, you're such a cutie sometimes.” You purred in delight and nuzzled all over his face. “My cute, sweet, broody alpha that I love so, so, so much.” 
“Shut up,” he snarled before viciously nuzzling back and attacking you with puppy nips and rude licks to your face. “Fucking omega. You're such a pain in the ass, you know that?” 
“So are you. That's why we work well together, right?” You held his face still and planted a proper kiss on his lips. “We'll be fine. No matter what happens.” 
Your alpha took a deep breath while he looked up at you, and sighed. You looked so calm and collected about the whole thing, so relaxed in the jaws of a shark that could eat you whole and leave nothing behind. Guess that was why he was so enamored with you. Only petty things, like the shitty little fish that nipped at toes, wore you down. Not the big, bad, unknown depths of the ocean. 
“You believe me?” You asked as you pinched his nose. 
Sukuna grimaced and tugged your hand away from his nose. “Fuckin’–yeah, I believe you.” He bit your fingers in revenge. 
It was your turn to make a face. “Disgusting.” 
“You wuv id,” Sukuna managed around your digits, grinning like an idiot. 
“I have bad taste in men.” You yanked your fingers free when you heard your little one coo and shuffle in her crib. Sukuna always found himself impressed with how fast your omega responded to the littlest of noises, always automatically cooing and trilling back to your baby like you'd done it your whole life. 
“But you sure you're alright?” You asked as you scooped up the little one. 
Sukuna sat up and leaned back against the headboard as you settled down beside him again. “‘M fine. Just…thinking.” 
“About your grandfather?” 
“Guess so.” 
You nodded and leaned into him, chest purring with comfortable vibrato as his heavy arm looped around you and pulled you close. 
“He was a good man. Lived a good life. Long one, too.” 
“Guess you’re not wrong. Don’t seem too torn up about it,” Sukuna grumbled, vaguely aware he was on the precipice of starting an early-morning argument. 
“People die,” you said, looking down at your babe. “He was old as fuck. I’d talked to him about life and death a thousand times anyway. His point of view on things helped me see things differently.”
“Oh?” Sukuna’s attention snapped down to your little one as her cherry-red eyes sleepily blinked open. “‘N what the hell did the old fart tell you, huh?” 
You smiled as Touka screeched happily, reaching up for her father and wiggling around in your lap until she could slug her way over to him (with much help from your guiding hands, of course). Sukuna, the fraidy cat that he was, awkwardly tried to aid his baby girl with crawling onto his lap, too. You kind of understood why–his hand was about as big as her body. He was probably afraid of smooshing her. 
“He told me energy can never be destroyed. It can only change shape and form. It’s the same with our souls.” 
“The fuck does that mean?” Sukuna grumbled as his daughter determinedly tried to stand to reach his face. You moved to help her stand, but he huffed and took over, uttering a grumpy ‘I got it’ as he carefully, carefully held her up onto her feet like one would a kitten. 
You smiled, so horribly smitten. “It means our bodies die, but our spirits can’t. They just change form before coming back and living life all over again.” 
“Hmph. Sounds stupid as–” Sukuna paused as a tiny hand landed on his mouth. 
“Bah!” Touka chirped. 
You pursed your lips and melted into your partner, a happy, summer scent pooling around the three of you. 
“Mhm, daddy’s a cranky little bitch, huh, baby?” 
“Big bitch,” Sukuna corrected, words muffled by the tiny overlord. He opened his mouth wide, lightly chomping on her pudgy little hand with the gentlest pibble nibbles he could manage. Judging by her squealing laughter, he was doing an okay job.
“Cranky big bitch–my bad.” You rolled your eyes and exhaled deeply. “But yeah, that’s basically it. Mentioned some stuff about soulmates–platonic or romantic or otherwise–tending to find each other in their next lives too. So, technically, you could be holding your grandfather reincarnated right now–”
“Babe, don’t make this fucking weird,” Your husband groaned. 
You laughed, loud and brash, before nuzzling him. “Sorry, sorry. Can’t help myself.” 
Sukuna scoffed, furrowed brow only easing as Touka assaulted him with little pats all over his face. 
“You’re a nightmare.” He leaned in and nuzzled his baby’s round cheeks with playful growls. “You’re a smaller fucking nightmare. Spitting image of your mum. How the fuck is that fair, huh?” 
“Well, you better get used to it,” you taunted. “She’s the only one you’re getting.”
Wait. What?
--
Devour
It’d been a while since Sukuna had handled an interrogation. He’d stepped away from doing it himself when you’d both gotten back together officially, thinking you’d be upset if you found out he was still beating the fuck out of rats and cheats wandering through his casino–but the opposite turned out to be true. 
You didn’t really care. You didn’t mind it at all, actually. You only requested he kept that sort of business away from the curious gaze of the little girl you both doted on incessantly. 
So, he took it to the basement of Malevolent Shrine. 
“Y'know, I really needed this,” Sukuna sighed, loosening his tie a bit more before he leaned against the table of lethal instruments and wiped the blood from his split knuckles. “Kid keeps me up all night. Wife's always bitching ‘bout being tired. ‘N then I got dipshits like you sneaking in, trying to access restricted floors.” 
The man he regarded scoffed, probably unable to catch his breath to clap back or, well, breathe. The sight had Sukuna grinning, pure delight and satisfaction coiling in his chest. 
“Got somethin’ to say?” 
The man coughed and tried to pull himself up from where he lay splayed on the floor. Sukuna never tied up his guests, no no, he always gave them a fair, fighting chance, stating they could go free if they could get past him. None ever did. 
“Y-you do this to that omega you stole?” The stranger managed as soon as he got on his knees. “Lock ‘im in a room, make them fight their way out?” 
Sukuna quirked a brow and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Only omega I've had in here is the wife.” 
“Bullshit,” he spat. “You stole one that was sold to my benefactor.” 
The mob boss sighed and scratched the back of his head. “That's what you're here for? An omega that I never had?” Sukuna pushed off the table. “Well, that makes shit boring. You're here on a delusion.” 
“It's not–”
“Then who do you work for?” 
As expected, the idiot clammed up. Sukuna tutted. Why did all these bastards have to play hard to get? 
Ah, but then he had an epiphany--hadn't you mentioned marrying into the Zenin family? You brought it up not too long ago, back when Sukuna first started spiraling about life and death, about where his world of chaos would take him in the end. 
If I cared about money, I would've married into the Zenin family. 
Right. That's what you said. 
“Zenin Naoya,” Sukuna guessed. The heir was a rampant misogynistic piece of shit, wanting nothing to do with women on any level--but you? A man who could bear children, albeit through difficult means? That'd be invaluable to someone like Naoya. He could have his cake and eat it too. 
And by the way the crook's body tensed, Sukuna figured he hit the nail on the head. 
“No shit. That little freak’s really outdoing himself this time.” Sukuna laughed wildly, enthralled that he managed to piss off the Zenin heir by taking his bitch and knocking him up. God, the damage this would do to Naoya's ego.
“I'll let ya in on a little secret,” Sukuna sang, turning to the table and grabbing a set of pliers. “I wifed up that omega. Knocked him up already. Hopin’ he'll let up on the ‘one pup only’ policy. He's been real fuckin’ strict on the birth control, lemme tell ya.” 
“He won't forgive this,” the crook bit out. “He won't just–” 
Thwack. Sukuna cracked him upside the head and knelt on his chest, jamming the tool into his mouth and breaking a few teeth on the way in. 
“Fucker can try,” Sukuna murmured, voice growing thick with malice. His ruby eyes gleamed with predatory promise. “Killing him's at the top of my bucket list.” 
You were definitely possessed. 
How could you not be? You'd just seen your baby daddy (your very cut, handsome, snarky baby daddy) beat the shit out of one of your tormentor's grunts 
“Babe,” Sukuna moaned as you swallowed him down your throat again. You'd taken him hostage in the elevator the second he was done his deeds downstairs. It proved to be…somewhat problematic as people continued to open the doors, but eventually Sukuna hit the emergency stop button, nearly shattering the console. 
You hummed around him, pressing your tongue against thick, pulsing veins and squeezing at his base and sacks intermittently while your head bobbed to the beat of whatever tinny jazz played in the elevator. You kind of liked the tune. It sparked the idea of playing music next time Sukuna bedded you–
Bedded you. Ah. That seemed like a good next step. 
You pulled back with a disgusting pop and fought to catch your breath between leaving wet kisses and hickeys along his stiff length. Your hand worked him firm and fast, eager to get him to fall apart under your feverish, hypnotic touch. 
And he was close. You could tell by the way his hand held the back of your head, fingernails digging into your scalp every time you did something so, so right and so, so unbelievably good for the big bad mob boss you'd tricked into staying faithful to you. You figured you'd reward him for being such a good boy. It's what he deserved for sacrificing his freedom for you, and, quite frankly, you thought you'd been slacking on the praise. 
“Gonna cum?” You hummed, looking up at your partner through wet lashes. “Hm?”
Sukuna groaned. His fangs bit into his lip as he stared down at you, pupils blown wide, eclipsing the red of his iris. 
You smiled politely. “Mmh. I'll take that as a yes.” You kissed along his skin until reaching his weeping tip and giving it a gentle peck. “Where do you want it? On my face? In my mouth? Down my throat?” 
He bucked forward, jamming his tip between your lips and hissing when he felt the scratch of teeth against him. You sighed like he was such a nuisance, and opened up wide again, whining as he gripped your hair up into a messy, shitty ponytail before fucking into your mouth with reckless abandon. 
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck–” His body shuddered and he slammed inside one more time, squeezing his thick knot into your strained mouth and locking it behind your teeth as he rutted against your face, spilling down your throat. 
Your soft gags and chokes only made it better. He pulled your head closer, pressing your cute nose against the hazy line of his happy trail in a dizzy attempt to ground himself through the aftershocks of such a sudden turn of events. Going from beating the shit out of a sniveling sod to this was–
Your frantic smacking against his arm signaled your tap out. Sukuna cursed under his breath and worked in tandem with you to wiggle free the stiff problem stuffing your mouth and throat full. 
You gasped for breath. Drool and tears poured down your face as you coughed and swallowed whatever didn't have the chance to slip out of your aching mouth, and you wiped your mouth half-heartedly with the back of your hand. Sukuna hadn't seen a sight like that in a long, long while. Something so reminiscent of the early days of being bribed and paid for your services. 
“Christ,” Sukuna breathed as he brushed your hair out of your pretty face. “How much do I owe ya for that, huh?” 
You laughed between coughs before kissing his clothed thigh. “Just don't think I've appreciated you enough lately, you know?” You cleaned him up best you could before tucking your man away and standing to loop your arms around his shoulders. 
Sukuna caught your scent then; you smelled sweeter than usual. Warmer, too. Fuller. Something that reminded him of dough in the oven, billowing all around him and filling his senses with sinful sweetness. 
Your heat was on the horizon.
Sukuna smirked and switched the key holding the elevator closed and inoperable on the ground floor, and it started on its journey up, up, up. Time to get you back in bed. 
“Not appreciatin’ me enough, huh. Well, I was gonna mention it–” 
“Shut up. Don't be stupid right now.” 
Sukuna's grin grew. He leaned down, leaving soft kisses and nips along your neck, being sure to pay special attention to the scars he'd left behind. 
“You love when I talk shit.”
“You're free to believe that.”
“Oh? Then tell me what you've been appreciating about me, sweetheart. I'm all ears.” 
The doors opened to the penthouse floor, and you fought to drag the other out first.
“Your ass,” you replied, nearly exploding inside as Sukuna kicked the (unlocked) door in. Damn, how come he could do that so easily? 
“What else?” Sukuna's lips found yours time after time as you both fumbled your way toward the bedroom. 
You yelped as he threw you onto the bed. “J-Jesus–how strong you are.” 
“Yeah?” Sukuna kicked his dress shoes off and yanked your kicks off, too, before you had a chance to complain about shoes being on in the house. “Tell me more.”
“That's about it.” A sweet laugh bubbled out of you as he slipped in between your legs and kissed you like this was some highschool romcom.
“Oh? Lying now, aren't we?” 
“I think I need to examine you a little to remember, you know?” 
With all the strength you could muster, you turned the tables and flipped Sukuna onto his back, straddling his waist and running your hands up and down his chest. He still couldn't tell how you did it, but you flicked open every button of his dress shirt with unfathomable finesse before tracing the dips and curves of his defined muscles with teasing fingertips. 
“Hmmm…this is nice,” you murmured, taking your time to drink in the scar-riddled expanse of glowing, bronze skin. You scooted back, down his legs, to be able to plant soft kisses around his navel. 
Sukuna watched you with blown-out eyes; you were always good at teasing, at making sex electric and better than just cramming his cock into a hole. Secretly, he liked being pushed to the brink of insanity. Soft touches, whispered kisses, silent praise–it was all so your brand.
“What else?” Sukuna rasped as you left cheeky marks around his happy trail. 
“Hm. I wonder.” You took your time sidling up on his lap again, your hands taking charge and leading you up, up, up to his cut jawline and striking cheekbones. “This is nice, too.”
Sukuna licked his lips. “Yeah?” He Asked as he held your waist. 
“Mhm.” Your thumb stroked against his bottom lip thoughtfully before hooking inside and yanking his mouth open like a fish on a line. “This is a problem, though.” 
Your mate's heart thrummed like thunder. Rarely would he ever admit to liking being used, but when it came to you, his precious little trophy, Sukuna found himself far too eager to please. Too eager to consume. Too eager to be consumed. He could only hope you'd wreck him with whatever you wanted to do with that mouth of his. 
“Oh?” Sukuna breathed. Christ, his slacks were too fucking tight again. “The fuck you gonna do about it?” 
You sighed and shook your head. “God's work, I guess.” And you almost seemed burdened by what you ‘had to do’ as you loosened your waistband and wriggled up until you were straddling his broad chest with your weeping tip pressing against his lips. 
Sukuna grinned. “You think I'm gonna–” but he was more prepared for your rude push into his mouth than he let on–or he thought he was, anyway. He'd never really given head before, not really, but he'd given you a couple of handjobs in the past. Still, you were bigger than he remembered. Not as comically, ridiculously, stupidly big as Sukuna’s third leg, but you could probably stuff someone to the point of tears if you really felt the need. 
And, well, you were leaving tears in Sukuna's eyes, so theory confirmed.
“You're really bad at this,” you laughed. You held onto the headboard as you pushed into his mouth, letting him get used to it and adjust as a good mate should (maybe Sukuna should've taken notes). Thankfully, the man was a quick learner and a keener. He got used to the feeling of your length nudging against his throat, and posed himself a challenge to push it further. 
His hand grabbed at your ass and he pulled you closer, drowning in the sound of your warbled gasp mixing with a surprised yelp. Sukuna's other hand brute-forced his slacks open and fisted around his pulsing hard-on to the rhythm of your greedy thrusts into his mouth, down his tight, inexperienced throat. 
Your hips jolted and stuttered. Your hips stayed plastered to his face with weaker and weaker thrusts. Your forehead clunked against the rim of the headboard as your breathing got faster and faster, laced with tiny ah-ah-ah-s until–until–
“Shit–” you tried to pull away from him, tried to save him the grief of having to swallow down a load of cum (first time was always a terrible, terrible experience), but he wouldn't let you yank your hips away; his broad palm pressed against the small of your back and forced you flush against him, his nose pressing against skin as he swallowed and moaned around you like he'd been deepthroating cock his whole career. 
Somewhere in the haze of lightning and sparks, you felt him shudder and jolt under you, too. Then, like you'd done not so long ago, a swift tapping on your leg signaling, tap out, tap out! 
“Oh–fuck, sorry,” you babbled, hurriedly pulling yourself back and out of his mouth to let him breathe. “You're kind of a natural. I'm shocked.”
Sukuna was too busy coughing and fighting to catch his breath to snap back at you, though, and you couldn't help but laugh. 
“Shut it,” he scolded with a swift spank. “Spunk tastes like shit.” 
“But you’re not a spitter nor a quitter. You should be proud.” You smiled like the cheeky little shit you were before shimmying off your joggers and tossing them aside. “You did pretty well. Colour me impressed.”
“‘Course I did, who the fuck do you think I am?” He brought his other hand out of his pants and held them up to you, sticky with his own spend. “Deal with this.”
You whistled, and the heat in your face increased tenfold. “I guess you liked it. Good to know,” you said before holding his hand by the wrist and licking up.
“I'd be a freak if I didn't wanna make my bitch cum. ‘Specially when he's in heat ‘n primed to reopen the baby-making factory.” 
You looked at him, eyes round and owlish, before abandoning the mess on his hand in favour of kissing him. 
“The factory's open,” you assured, no doubt temporarily hypnotized by your body's desire to make your stupid alpha happy.
Sukuna rumbled a purr deep in his chest as he smirked. He'd gladly seize the moment.
“Let’s clock in and get to work, then.” 
Five is Better Than Three
Sukuna paced back and forth outside the bathroom door, impatient and anxious, waiting for you to just fucking tell me what the hell the deal was.
But Sukuna was anything but a patient man.
“Babe,” he growled, knocking on the door incessantly. “How long does It take to piss on a stick?” 
You scoffed. “I'm just--I'm trying to double check, you dumb bitch, shut up.” Your voice quivered the slightest bit, a soft sniffle or two barely making it above the radar. 
Sukuna sucked his teeth. He ran his hands through his hair and growled to himself, trying trying trying to stay patient, stay calm, stay–
“Sukuna,” you snapped when the door flung open. You were standing at the counter, an array of different pregnancy tests laid out before you neatly with you lording over them, face hot and eyes shimmering with…grief? Relief? Happiness? Sukuna didn't know, he didn't know. 
“Kept me waiting long enough, you fucking brat,” he came up behind you and stared down, clearing your noggin with ease and ignoring your grouchy quips and pinches. 
“I was–I just needed a minute, you stupid fuck, I'm--it's a lot!” You tried to push him away but, well, the man was an immovable object, and you were far from an unstoppable force. In the realm of physicality, at least. 
“Sukuna–” 
“This shit is like hieroglyphics,” he complained, picking up a test and squinting at it. His other hand held your waist to stop you from running away to hide. 
“It, uh. It means–well, I still need to get checked out officially but, uh, y'know. It's a yes. For now. Tentatively. All the tests are positive.” 
Sukuna exploded with happy puppy scent. He threw down the test and wrapped his arms around you, picking your smaller form up and swinging you around like a shotty romcom man should. 
And you laughed through your tears. You hugged him back once he put you down, and exploded into choked laugh-sobs as you pressed your face into his chest. His nice, strong, muscular chest that looked so good in that black tank top. 
“Oi, oi, what're the damn waterworks for, huh?” Sukuna asked through a wolfish grin. 
“I don't know, okay, just shut up.” You snuffled a few more times before sighing. “Maybe I'm just relieved that an old man like you still has a sperm count.”
“Hah. Big talk from a whore usin’ birth control and making me use a fucking condom ‘just in case.’” He nuzzled at your neck and purred deep in his chest. “Even then, my goods slipped through the cracks, huh? Doubt even getting your tubes tied could stop me from knockin’ your pretty little ass up, sweetheart.” 
You bit his tit while he cackled like a madman. “You're fucking gross and I hate you.” 
“N'awe. Would creaming on my cock make you feel better?” 
“No. Well, maybe later. But coffee and breakfast might subdue me right now.”
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animeshotsh · 3 days
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How they cheer you up 💞| HCS | Various! x Reader |
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Summary: They notice you are not feeling well, so they decide to try and help you feel better.
Warnings: Hints of depression | Mentions of insolation | Mentions of fear | Crying | HH Canon violence | Soft moments | Grammar mistakes | Helluva Boss characters |
Lucifer
Lucifer its the one who notices your mood change first, as well as your new routine of oversleeping as well as getting yourself with lots of work. He knows what is going on (he has faced it before) and knows he would have wanted help or someone by his side.
His way of helping you is soft and also calculated in order to not make you feel like you must tell him what is going on or to feel pressure from him. Will invite you to have tea with him, will ask you what you would like to do for the day and encourage. If you want to staty in bed then he asks you if you need anything. Is going to get your favorite food and ask for extra soft pillows and blankets. If he notices that you are staying inside too much he will ask you to help him do some errands in town. Will offer to fly with you in his arms and play the violin for you if you like it.
Charlie
Despite she being hyped all the time and with lots of work she notices your change. How you seem to be out of space a lot, or how you avoid the rest of them. Charlie will wait for a moment where you two can talk alone. She wont pressure you on telling her whats wrong, will tell you to take your time. Is going to be around you a lot, unless she sees that she is over passing. Will ask for your help with easy tasks and ask you to have lunch with her.
Alastor
He may be slow at first at seeing your mood change, till he notices how irritated you are getting or how you seem to stay in your room all day not coming out unless its for eat or do some work.
Alastor comes from a time where this type of things were not adressed, however he feels like he must offer you some help, even if he does not know what he is doing.
His approach may be a bit agressive at first, teleporting you outside the hotel and making you take some walks with him as he talks about different stuff.
He will invite you to have dinner with him, playing soft jazz and even reading with you. Will leave a shadow of his to follow you and order it to help you with whatever task you may need.
Husk
Husk has his own inner fights so he is also quick to cath up with yours. He is not that good at talking or with feelings but its an amazing listener and will tell you that you can share with him whatever fear or thing that is making you feel bad.
He may not know what to do if you cry but will give you an akward hug and even put his wings around you.
Vox
When he is alone he is less of as ass than when he is with the V's.
Vox will notice how you are not doing your work. like you used to do and will find it strange then he will give you more hours to rest and send the best food on your way. Is going to play your favorite shows 24/7 and anyone who does not like it can go and fuck themselfs.
If social media is making you feel bad then he will remove your social apps and say they are unavailable at the moment.
Vaggie
She will be the "together". Basically wont leave you alone unless you ask her to. She wants to support you and be with you if you need her to.
Stolas / Mentions of medication
As someone who has to live with it and has to take medication for it Stolas will notice. He will ask you whats wrong and to please share with him what is going on.
Will ask you if you want to visit a Doctor and offer all his mansion for you to stay in. Is going to make plans to help you pass the time and distract you. Do you want to see a sun born ? He is taking you there. Do you want to help him with his plants? Of course he will say yes!!
Do you want to cuddle and watch a movie with snacks? He is preparing the best nest ever.
Rosie
Best friend in all circles. May ask if someone hurt you or if you need something specific from her. Will get you the best food and clothes to try and cheer you up. Walks with her in cannibal town are a must as she tells you the last gossips that are going around. If you want to cuddle she will do it just for you.
~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆
Other characters I think would be great supporters/help you.
Emily (she is an angel of course she will let whatver she is doing to try and make you feel better).
Moxie (he is gentle, is going to make you stay home and away from work. Gets protective of you and will not back off on telling Blitz to stop mocking you).
Angel Dust (may be tricky for him but will try his best. Knows everyone has problems and they are different. But having someone by your side its important. Will let you cuddle his pig pet).
Zestial (I think he is a softie with these who he likes. You are close to him, he notices how you are not being yourself. Will use his power and status to help you).
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puppyeared · 7 hours
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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hollaaaa! i'd like to request a grumpy female reader with gojo pleaseee, where reader says something kinda mean to gojo and hurt his feelings </3 but things end up being okay later
tq!
💠 to infinity and beyond
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summary: you accidentally hurt satoru's feelings when he was only worried about you pairing: sunshine!gojo satoru x grumpy!female reader content warnings: angsty with happy ending, cursing a/n: i love this trope
Masterlist
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“Satoru, wait-”
He only responds by closing the door.
A quiet sigh escapes you as you pinch the bridge of your nose, regretting the venomous words that spouted from your mouth. Your mother always said you have anger issues. You check the window only to find Satoru’s bike isn’t there anymore — he really left.
It would be best if you don’t text him. At least not yet. He’s angry, and you don’t want to drive him into a corner just so he’ll listen to your apology.
You look at your empty apartment and it feels ominous. Satoru spends so much time at your place that he practically lives here, and it’s weird without him around. You feel like a stranger in your own home.
Perhaps that’s how you’ve been acting these days, too. You don’t normally snap, not even when Satoru’s being extra annoying, but today’s just too much. Your stress got the best of you and you lashed out on Satoru. It’s not fair for him, especially not when he’s only been sweet to you the entire day.
No one’s ever been close to you like how Satoru is. It scares you to open up to him—what if he sees you and doesn’t like what he finds? What if he runs the other way? What if you fall harder and he’s not there to catch you?
“Hey sweets, you okay?” “I’m fine,” You fake a smile. Satoru knows better than to believe that. He also knows not to push your buttons, but he can’t help but feel you’re slipping away. Why are you so scared to be vulnerable with him? Why, after months of being in a relationship, does it feel like you’re still so guarded around him? Satoru’s a patient man, but even he has his limits. He knows you’ve been facing a lot of pressure from the higher-ups and as the strongest, of course, he knows how you must feel. But unlike Satoru who can literally do whatever he wants and still be the strongest, you’re unfortunately easily replaceable, and you can’t afford to be. Satoru doesn’t understand that. “Come on, take a break.” He lifts the mochi near your face, urging you to take a bite. “I’m not hungry, Toru.” You push his hand away, keeping your eyes on your laptop, reading papers. He sighs.
You’ve been avoiding him for a while, always saying you’re busy and don’t have time when in reality, you’re scared he’s getting too close. No, you don’t want to lose him. You want to open up and let him know all your troubles and dreams. All you have to do is not worry so much and trust that Satoru will love you as you are.
But you can’t trust someone not to hurt you, right?
If someone hurts you, then you’re hurt. All you can do is accept and deal with it. All you can do is trust yourself that you’ll be okay even if they hurt you and that you’ll be able to walk away.
But isn’t it tiring? Living life while always expecting the other shoe to drop?
You clutch Satoru’s hoodie, inhaling his scent before deciding to put it on. You think maybe it’ll alleviate your loneliness, but it just makes you miss him more. You sigh and try your best not to cry. Why did you say those words to him?
“Satoru, stop.” You push his head away from snuggling too close into your neck. Satoru frowns at that, and especially more when he sees your expression. Is that disgust? Discomfort? “Did I do something?” “No, just-” You sigh, “I’m just stressed. Sorry.” “You say that a lot.” “Excuse me?” “You’re always busy, always stressed, always have no time to spend together anymore, but you always have time to spar with Suguru or Maki.” He says, “You barely even look at me anymore.” “That’s not true-” “Do you hate me that much?” “I don’t hate you!” “Well, you clearly act like you do.” “I told you, I just have a lot going-” “Bullshit.” “Satoru-” “If you can’t even stand me then why don’t you just break up with me?!” “Fine then!” You grit your teeth. “Let’s break up! Clearly, this isn’t working. You want someone who’s as clingy, touchy, and sweet, and can handle all your shit — well I can’t! Just once, I want to be left alone, Satoru. Truly alone.” Satoru is silent. You can’t believe those words came out of your mouth, especially since none of it is true. Why did you say it? Just to push him away? If that’s the case then it worked, because the next thing you know, Satoru goes out the door without saying anything but a small “ok”. You’ve truly fucked up.
It’s almost been a week since you talked to Satoru. He hasn’t spoken to you, and your calls and messages are unanswered. You can’t blame him, since you’re the one who did him wrong, but you also don’t know how to make it right. Or if you even can. Even if Satoru doesn’t want to be with you again, you want to make it right.
Though you’re the one afraid of getting hurt, you end up hurting him instead. Knowing you hurt someone you love is worse than being the one who’s hurting. The guilt, the loneliness, the regret… maybe it’s best if Satoru hates you. Maybe it’ll make him feel better—move on faster.
You wipe your tears as you come out of your office and surprisingly collide with a certain someone with blue eyes. The pair of blue eyes that used to stare at you with adoration and love, but now full of doubt.
“S-” You’re even scared to say his name. “S-Satoru…”
“Let’s talk?”
You nod slowly, trailing behind him.
He hates you.
He hates you.
He hates you.
He hates you.
He hates you.
He hates you.
He hates you.
Maybe he’s here for closure, to really end things.
Your heart squeezes. Why do you feed these thoughts into your mind? Your hand grips your bag tighter. Satoru takes you to the park where you had your first date, and you think it’s cruel, but you convince yourself you deserve it.
You both sit on the swings, and it’s quiet. Where do you even start? Should you apologize again? You don’t want to seem like you’re forcing him to try to forgive you.
“You look terrible.”
You look at him bewilderedly for a second before looking away when you’re about to make eye contact. “Oh…”
“I saw Yaga scold you the other day.”
You can barely remember what Yaga said, to be honest. Your entire focus was elsewhere. Ever since the fight, you can’t function that well. You’re late to classes, you space out, and you need more breaks — Megumi even let you cry on his shoulder one time. You tried your best to continue your days as if nothing happened, but it was impossible, and it scares you. Because you’re utterly, completely, unavoidably falling in love with Satoru and your fears come true; he’s not there to catch you — which is completely your fault.
“Hey.”
His voice is much closer now. Once you let your tears fall, you can see him crouching in front of you.
“I… I-” You wipe your tears with your sleeves and choke on a sob.
I understand if you hate me. I was mean to you and you didn’t deserve it. You deserve someone better, someone who can take care of you, someone who makes you happy. If that someone isn’t me, I understand. I will understand. I don’t deserve you, any part of you. I regret ever hurting you the way I did. I’m truly sorry, Satoru. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I don’t blame you if you don’t. I’d hate me too.
“You…” Satoru starts, “You sound like you really want me to hate you.”
You blink a few times, only realizing that you said all of that out loud.
“I-”
“That’s extremely selfish.” He says. “And in the wrongest way. How could you say that?”
He runs his hand through his hair, “How could you tell me to find someone else when all that I want is you? I don’t want anyone else, I don’t need anyone else—just you. I want the mess, the fights, the sleepless nights, as long as at the end of the day, I get to see you again and be in your arms. We’re both not perfect, but I don’t want that. I want us, and we’re more than perfect.”
“But all that only works if you want me, too.” He holds your hands, “So? Do you- mph!”
You jump forward and kiss him. It’s messy—your tears running down your cheeks with his own, hands all over each other, and you don’t want to let go. Satoru tightens his hold around you and you chuckle when you feel him smile over the kiss.
“I love you, Satoru. And I’m sor-”
“Don’t say it.” He shushes you. “Stop beating yourself up because of it. Just say you love me.”
You cup his face and kiss him deeply. “I love you, Satoru.”
“To infinity and beyond?”
You laugh, “Yes, to infinity and beyond.”
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lesinquietes · 3 days
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You whine to Dabi that you’re terrified you’ll fail your exam tomorrow. It’s an important one. It dictates whether or not you’ll obtain the job you want upon graduating college next year. The stress on your shoulders is unlike anything you’ve ever felt.
18+ // angst, breeding, dabi’s a scumbag, dark content, dumbification, misogyny, noncon, pregnancy, yandere
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And Dabi knows exactly what to do. Whenever you come to him with a worry, he has just the solution. It’s how he landed a pretty thing like you in the first place.
He undoes his belt buckle. You perk up at the familiar sound. Tears fall down your puffy cheeks as you stare at the thickness he’s unveiling. He’s going to use it to distract you tonight. It’s sure as hell better than sitting and listening to you talk in circles. This way, you’re a babbling, drooling, slutty mess on his cock, instead.
You can’t stop yourself from salivating at the thought of focusing on fucking him. You’re already wet at the prospect. He’s conditioned you to crave him on sight by now. He made it evident that one of your duties, as his girlfriend, is to give him whatever he desires. He reasoned that this is what good women do when they love their men, and you love him, don’t you, baby?
Yes. Yes, you do.
He sits down on the couch with his pants and boxers pooled around his ankles. You take implicit direction well. You mount him and plant a kiss on his smug lips. You lower yourself onto his tip, allowing it to split you open. It’s a welcoming stretch. Your clit twitches as you slide all the way to his base. Your ass rests on his fat sack, ripe with cum to unload.
You have no idea that you won’t need your education soon enough. Don’t you get that he’s a villain? The two of you can never have a normal life.
As you bounce wildly on his pole, bracing yourself on his shoulders, you moan and cry out. There’s a ring of your cream forming around his base, indicating your blind satisfaction. He thinks you’re perfect. You’re so willing to submit, willing to please, willing to listen to him when he says what’s best for you. And when you finally reach your limit, expelling all of your stress and nerves about your exam tomorrow, he laughs. He purrs that you’re a good girl, that it feels a lot better when he fucks you dumb, doesn’t it? You agree numbly, nodding with hazy eyes, barely conscious of what he’s drilling into your susceptible mind.
You’re completely fucking out of it. He grins. That’s his cue to breed your pussy until he’s sure you’ll be round with his kid in three months’ time. You’d fight him if you were conscious. You’re the type that wishes to live a little before becoming a mom. It’s a shame that he doesn’t care to work with your schedule. This relationship revolves around what he wants, and he thinks he wants to give fatherhood a shot.
His body is shutting down. He’s killing himself from the inside by using his quirk. There’s no telling how long he has until his reproductive system stops working, too. You’re the perfect, brain dead vessel for his desire.
Impregnating you is simple. It works. You take a test about a month and a half after the encounter and it’s positive. You’re less than thrilled. He doesn’t show how overjoyed he is, save for whispering how he can’t wait to fuck another one into you when he’s pounding you in any position.
And when you get the results of your exam in the mail, Dabi opens the letter. He reads it silently before solemnly admitting you didn’t pass. You’re crushed. The hormones are making you extra emotional, too. You sob for hours in his arms, shifting back and forth between neutral and inconsolable. He smirks against your skull, cooing words of encouragement during your breakdown. At least you still have motherhood, no? There’s no need to be so upset. He can support you with the League nearing success.
And when you fall asleep later, he shreds your results and tosses them into the night. You passed with flying colours. But he can’t have you knowing your worth, can he?
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skywqlkergf · 1 day
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we meet again | rockstar!sam monroe
you haven't seen or heard from sam monroe in 10 years. what happens when you go and see your favorite band, and your childhood best friend is the one on stage?
requested by @crymyblood and inspired by this post. some nice cliche friends to strangers to lovers. ᝰ masterlist
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senior year.
sam’s head leaned in your window, it was inching towards 4 in the morning. the dark sky starting to be bleached with the light colors of dawn. sam was out of breath and had a smirk on his face, “hey, didn't know if you'd still be awake.”
you smiled back at him, setting aside the latest book that had your attention. you walked towards the window, leaning on the edge of it, sam's face mere inches from yours. “couldn't put the book down," you laughed.
“i don't have much time, the bus is leaving soon. will come with me?” time has stopped in this moment, the brisk morning air making puff of smoke when sam spoke.
“you’re leaving?” your heart stopped in your chest, falling to the deepest pits of your stomach. your world crashing around you, your safe space, your best friend is leaving.
“i am. i can't stay in this stupid town, i hate it here. I'm running away, will you come with me? please, come with me.” his eyes were so big, asking for too much. your heart and your mind fought ferociously in your body.
“where are you even going? do you have money?” concern boiled under the surface, your hands shook.
“it doesn't matter. are you coming with me?” his hand outreached towards you, and you wanted to take it. you couldn't get yourself to, you loved sam but you couldn't just runaway and go nowhere.
“i-i can't, sam. I can't go but,” you paused and searched through your nightstand, years of saved up birthday money.
you shove the envelope in his hand, “take this, it's $1200. it won't get you super far but it'll help.”
“i can't take th-” sam's eyes were welling to the brim with tears, he can't believe you said no. he never even thought that was a possibility.
“you will. you'll take it, and it'll help. i love you.” in a haze of dizziness and flurrying emotions, you pressed your lips to his. his hands are soft and chapped.
he froze for a moment, only a moment, and then he was gone. out of your window, out of your hometown, out of your life.
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modern day. concert.
you basked in the music of your favorite band, humid air and hot bodies surrounded you. everyone cheering on the main act. your heart thumped in your chest, adrenaline rushing through veins while seeotonin flooded your mind.
there was few things that compared to being at a concert. everyone around you hyped, your body is sweaty, the air is gross, but the people that saved you standing mere feet away.
the lead singer usually had a mask on while performing, but recently decided to axe it in live concerts for the fans.
the utter shock that tore through your body when the lead singer that stared back at you was sam monroe. the same boy that left all those years ago.
he looked so similar but so different. of course, he still had his face. but he was now covered with so many tattoos, more piercings, and all of his hair is colored.
without better words, he looked hot. once you pieced it together, his voice wasn't all that different, just deeper now, a little raspier. probably from smoking, and screaming during his songs.
you felt whiplashed from the amount emotions that cut through you. you listened to the songs on a much deeper level, you wondered if any of the songs were about you. a bit conceded but he knew you from kindergarten to senior year, kinda leaves an impression on a person.
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modern day. after the concert.
the concert had ended you stood in the venue trying to figure out how to see him. you needed to talk to him, you'd missed him more than anything in the world. you needed to see sam, needed him to see you.
the technicians for the band, started carrying the instruments into the back of the van.
“hey! um, kinda weird question, do you think you can get sam for me?” you voice was shaky, and you knew the likelihood was low. or it would be if only sam didn't go by his legal name anymore, didn't want to be known.
so when you ask for him by that name, one of them uses the com to ask for him, you tell him your name and shortly sam appears in front of you.
he looks somewhere between unnerved and thankful to see you. you couldn't help it, tears welled in your eyes. you never thought you'd ever see him again. you can't do anything but pull him in for a hug. you couldn't stop to think he'd be unhappy to see you. he's the one that left.
he hugs you back hard, basically crushing you. he rubs his face in the crook of your neck, he's holding you so close. the one that got away.
“sammy, i-i’m sorry! I'm sorry i didn't go with you. I've missed you so much, i-i didn't-” you're blubbering. you didn't care that the rest of his band, and the crew could probably see you. your emotions were overwhelming, like waves taking you under.
“sh, hush, it's okay. i know, i know.” his shirt is balled up in your hand, and he's rubbing comforting circles on your back. he didn't know what to say. what do you say to someone you haven't seen in forever?
“you-” you began to talk, looking at sam. you're really taking him all in, this man just might be the love of your life.
your thoughts are interrupted by his hands holding your face, his lips enveloping yours. the softness of his lips constrasts harshly with the need that he kisses you with.
“i can't let you go again,” he breathes after a few monents, his forehead against yours.
“i never forgot, i think of you all the time, i, please come with me? go on tour with us, will you?” he's looking at you expectantly, fear evident in his eyes. he's scared of that same rejection all over again.
“i will, i will. I don't want to lose you again, sam. i will follow you forever." you're holding his hands against your face.
sam gets the stupidest and widest grin on his face. “who woulda thought I'd fall for a fan,” he laughs and you can't help but punch him in the arm.
“oh my god. shut up.”
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leclerity · 8 hours
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stupid gets you killed
Charles Leclerc x Girlfriend!Reader count: 1.1k words summary: Charles and you have an emotional conversation after his reckless driving at a race. a/n: a short but angsty one, with a happy ending!
It could’ve been the end.
The way it felt, it almost was.
You watch as the red of the Ferrari and the green of the Aston Martin come close, inches apart, with Stroll nearly putting it in the back of your boyfriend’s car. Everyone around you gasps and for a split second, you see them touch and Charles’s car fly off into the grandstands – but that doesn’t happen. They don’t touch. Charles drives away unscathed, though you know that won’t be the end of it.
“That was too close,” says Arthur, shaking his head at the screen.
“He won’t like this too much,” you say and grab a pair of headphones lying around, listening in.
Everything is okay with the car, Bryan Bozzi says.
That was not okay! Charles screams. Who does he think he is?! Driving like an idiot… He should know better!
Keep your head calm, you’ve got forty laps to go.
You take off the headphones and tell Arthur what you just overheard. He shakes his head again, but you both know there’s nothing the two of you can do about it. Charles has been under pressure, ready to burst at any given moment, running second in the championship with maybe—maybe—a chance at something more. Anything that threatens it… Well, it throws him off.
You’re just waiting for the moment it happens.
The race keeps running, you listen in to the radio every so often, and his complaints and agitation are getting more obvious. He’s driving riskier, not caring enough about tyre management, and there’s a few moments when his car gets a little too close to another car.
He finishes in fourth. It’s not where he wanted to be but it’s better than out of the race, you tell yourself. There was a few moments where you held your breath, waiting to see if the anger is going to slip into careless mistakes, and it made you angry. Your boyfriend is better than this.
When he finishes the race, you run straight into his arms. “You did so well! I’m proud of you.”
“I could’ve done better,” he says.
“I know,” you say, and kiss him again. “Next time.”
Charles kisses you, too, before going to speak to others in the garage, keeping one eye on you at all times. You know he’s being hard on himself, but you see his clenched jaw, sunken shoulders, and you know this is going to be a tougher one than usual.
He’s in your orbit the most of the evening, glancing at you even when he’s in the media pen. You can hear some of the questions he’s being asked and a lot of them are about the incident and about his dangerous driving he nearly got a penalty for, and you can already hear the regret in his voice. He looks at you every time it comes up, as if he already knows how much it upset you.
At your side, Arthur gives you a nudge. “Are you going to talk some sense into him when you’re back at the hotel?”
“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.”
“That was scary.”
You nod. “Too scary. I get the pressure and all, but…”
“Yeah,” Arthur says, “I don’t want to feel like I might lose my brother because he’s being angry and stupid.”
When you get home, you get dinner – he does the perfunctory celebrations and goes back to the hotel, where you’re waiting with him with your guys’ favourite takeaway. He had some time to hang out with the other drivers and now it’s time to hang out with you… But not before you give him a piece of mind.
He knows something’s wrong the moment he enters the hotel room.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” you say.
He frowns. “Okay. You sure?”
You give him a long look.
Charles sits down next to you, looking exhausted but ready to devour the food – but he doesn’t. Instead, he sits with his elbows on his knees, hands held together. “It’s the race.”
“Mhm.”
“That’s why you’re giving me attitude.”
“Mhm.”
“Is it because of the Stroll incident?”
You shake your head. He should know better and he does, it will just take him a moment.
He sighs and leans into the couch, a defeated look on his face. “I should’ve handled it better, right?”
“Yeah.” You put a hand on his thigh. “Driving like that, Charles… You could’ve gotten hurt.”
“I would’ve been fine.”
“You don’t know that!”
“Babe—”
“Don’t babe me,” you say, shaking your head. “You got angry and…. Anger makes you stupid. Stupid gets you killed.”
Charles opens his mouth and closes it, knowing fair well that there’s nothing he could say in his defence that would make you change your mind. He sees it all on your face, you know it – the terror you’d gone through waiting to see if his anger will make him slip up, make a mistake; the threat of losing him.
He takes your hand in his and kisses the back of it, before placing it on his chest, right where his heart is. “Y/N,” he says, gently. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let my anger get the best of me.”
“I just… I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I know.”
“It frightens me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I just—The thought of you—”
“I know. C’mere.”
Charles gives your hand a gentle tug and then your head is on his chest and his arms are wrapped around you, keeping you warm and safe. “I’m sorry for scaring you. My job is scary, but I shouldn’t make it any more difficult than it already is.”
He kisses the top of your head and you feel a few tears escaping down your cheeks, and he holds you even tighter.
“I’ll be less angry next time, I promise,” he whispers. “Less stupid. For you. Okay?”
You nod instead of answering, and he pulls your chin up with a gentle finger, and then he’s wiping your tears and kissing you gently, promising over and over again to never make you feel like that again – and he doesn’t.
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moneymartin · 2 days
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teen gf Shauna headcanons pleaseee
🐶 - losergf!shauna hcs
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warnings: mostly fluff but a lil smut under the divider :p
a/n: i know u didn’t ask for loser but shauna shipman is soooo loser girlfriend u cannot tell me otherwise. kinda messy and trash… i’m so sleepy rn i’m writing this half awake nd lowk a lil drunk UGH
taglist: @deerlottie @ultrone
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my brown eyed beautiful baby where do i even start.
def the most athletic yj i will stand by this till the day i die
MUSCLE MAMAAAA
rolls up the sleeves of her flannels so you can see her muscles pop 😮‍💨
not a gym freak though but she works her arms 100%
cuddlebug fosho
little spoon and you can argue with me about that all you want this girl loves to be held
when she big spoons though she’s burying your face into her chest all the time
she plays with your hair tho no doubt abt it
even when you’re cuddling her instead
super soft kisses all over you while you doze off
sleeps after you do just to make sure cause sometimes you end up sleeping a lil too hard and she needs to make sure you aren’t dead
well thats what she thinks.
wakes up early even though she sleeps the latest out of the both of you
when you sleep for way too long she ends up full on wrestling you until you wake up
music geek
she def loves the smashing pumpkins, radiohead, the cranberries, the cure, mazzy star, jeff buckley, pavement, the cardigans. artists and bands of that genre
had a walkman like nat’s that you guys share on walks together
also has a vinyl player that she keeps at hers so you could listen to music with her when you come over
writes about you in her journal while she listens to the music
also writes these cute little love letters for you and she’ll write what songs she listened to while writing
sleepovers all the time though she’s one of those girls
drives you all over the place too
no matter how far so that you know she truly loves you
she goes absolutely nuts when you’re wearing her clothes i fink
esp her flannels
the moment you’re seen wearing one she can only think about taking it off of you cause it looks so good 😞
loves when you wear her jersey too
or her letterman jacket
funny sock gal
wears the one w monster faces on em or something like that
south park socks… hmo
SMARTY PANTS
got accepted into brown for a reason
she’s always helping you with assignments in case they’re too hard
she runs through them so fast though it actually baffles you to how she can do it
book geek too
has probably read harry potter a million times
edgar allan poe is her main dude she def likes poems and stuff from him
genuinely has a momma instinct
before you even get sick she tells you to be careful with the cold
and you don’t listen.
so you do end up getting sick and she has to take care of you until you’re all better
babies you but is also teasing you cause you didn’t listen to her warnings about it 😭 she could tell beforehand that you were gonna get sick
unlike lottie i think shauna has the ability to cook and stuff like that
not a 5 star chef but she’s good enough for you
being touchy in her public is her thangggg
you guys are always touching somehow
pinky holding, interlocked arms, holding hands, her just grabbing your wrist. she’s always gotta hold you no matter whaaaat
not very possessive but definitely a jealous person
makes it known she’s jealous w her attitude
has those anger issues we all know it
is not afraid to make a scene in front of a bunch of people she will cuss someone out for even looking at you
but she’s just jealous cause she’s really insecure :( poor girl my god
she thinks that the people you talk to are better than she’ll ever be
you have to reassure her countless of times so she can feel better about herself cause she’s always questioning you abt it
she loves little make out seshes behind the bleachers
its def the thrill of being caught like she loves that so much 🥸
when she kisses you she isn’t rough i think she’s very gentle actually
caressing your jaw and cheeks so you know she’s there and its not just some dream 😭
loves sitting on your lap while kissing cause it makes her feel like she’s the one in charge
also cause your hands are always in the spots where she wants them without her having to ask
biting…
teeth marks EVERYWHERE!!!
dom fosho but that’s not relevant rn
during arguments this girl is ruthless
not because she wants to hurt you but it’s because she’s always bubbling up
bottles up everything cause she’s afraid people won’t listen to her
but she’ll apologize eventually after if it looks like whatever she said got to you
won’t mean anything she tells you she just gets so mad at everything cause she can’t express herself as well :(
she regrets it so fast too like she’s immediately saying sorry afterwards
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def a lace girly
loves showing off her new sets for you…
red black and white are the favs
OUUHHH
whiny as fuck but also holds her noises in cause she thinks they’re embarrassing
PANTER AND GROANER FOR SUREEEE
switch i think
like if she really wanted to she could top you but she’d rather be a power bottom
have you ride her strap or whatever…
its blue.
loves when you eat her out though cause she gets to pull on your hair
makes you talk her through it and when you’re topping but when she tops shes SO bold
she loves when you praise her thats the only thing she wants to hear from you during it
makes you kiss around her tits for sure
thats where she always wants you to be
when she’s jealous you’re constantly asking if she’s okay which leads into an argument
meaning that it’ll probably lead into really hot angry sex from her
the car scene really spoke to me
initiates everything too
anyways i’m done i’m so tired
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Requested by: @elysiumrealms
Sure! I did think some fleshing out on how the rest of the family acts around them would be cool to write. Sorry this took so long btw, my inbox gets stuffed pretty quickly and it was finals week. Anyway thanks for the ask!
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Anon-Yan 💌‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
Platonic Yandere Malleus
Pt.3
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For you, the time before your punishment was nothing but a blurry mess.
Genuinely you don't remember all your horrible habits and manipulative tactics, you just remember acting on your insticts and not really thinking before you acted.
The few things you do remember is the interactions you had with your other family members.
The most memorable were the ones with Grandpa Lilia, when you were younger he loved cuddling you upside-down. Even if his grip was iron-strong it still felt so warm that you didn't want to leave.
When you got older he would allow you to play with some of his video games, he was always so sweet and helpful. Making sure you never got too frustrated at one certain part before taking the controller from you and completing whatever challenge had you stumped.
Lilia just loves babying you in a way he never got to with either of his original children.
He never failed to make you feel like the spoiled little brat you were.
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"Ooh! Don't cry Darling, there's no need for that. Here, do you need Grandpa to help you? Okay sweet-pea. Don't worry, grandpa's here for you"
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Then there's uncle Silver, who whose probably the most boring person to hang out with out of everyone in the family.
Don't get me wrong, you enjoyed his company but nothing even vaguely interesting happened whenever you hung around him.
He always really apologetic about it though, even going as far to bring you a little toy everytime he was allowed alone time with you. Typically is just a teddy bear, so that at night when you fell asleep you would think of your uncle Silver.
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"Sorry we weren't able to play today. Here, have this. It's so when you fall asleep at night, you'll always remember your uncle Silver."
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Your uncle sebek on other hand, he was hard to forget.
He was always loud, his voice commanded battalions after all. So a voice like his would definitely need for job like that.
You and him never played together, in his own words "WAKA-SAMA'S CHILD DESERVES A MUCH BETTER PLAYMATE THAN A LOWRANKING OFFICER SUCH AS MYSELF!"
Or whatever that was supposed to mean. You never really understood his way of thinking. While he was screaming his head off about not being good enough for you, you had sit and listen to him whilst daydreaming of all the video games Grandpa Lilia would play with you later.
It was boring, and eventually as you grew older you learned to tune him out.
Though I guess that wasn't the greatest idea, because within a week of learning how tune out his voice he came to you sobbing on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness.
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"PLEASE FORGIVE ME WAKA-SAMA'S CHILD! WHATEVER SLIGHT HAVE DONE TO YOU, I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS AND MERCY! JUST PLEASE STOP IGNORING ME MY LEIGE!"
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But I guess that all leads you to where you are now. Stuck in a boring old rickety tower. Stuck studying and doing chores all day. At least Father allowed for your family to visit from time to time.
Their faces and voices make the endless cycle you've been going through day-to-day slightly more bareable. But to be perfectly honest, with every passing moment that you're stuck here; in this damned tower made to be your prison, you lose a small peice of your sanity.
A peice of your mind that can never be returned to it's owner.
Trully a cruel thing to do, especially to your own child. Isolating them from everyone and everything they've ever known to prove a point, when it wasn't even truly their own faults that caused such a mess? Foolish, and downright cruel if anyone asked you.
Ah, but what can you do?
You did do this to yourself after all, might as well own up to your mistakes and pay the price.
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tuesday again 6/11/2024
sibling visit!!!!!!!!! but who cares about that my cats finally greeted each other calmly and politely!!!!!!!!
listening
WET DREAM by SNOW WIFE, off one of my sister's playlists. i have since added it to my playlist titled "SOMEBODY COME FUCK THIS (GAY)". sounds like early kesha?
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reading
oh right i read a brace of temeraire books last week. we're in australia now. excited to see what sort of bullshit we get up to. i do really love these books and am astonished at home much they Feel like period-typical books, but i am too busy going :D :D :D while reading to have tuesdaypost thoughts about them
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watching
thank you @rae-being-naughty for this rec bc i inhaled A Murder At The End Of The World in one evening. limited series on hulu that is set in Legally Not Elon Musk's Compound with Legally Not Elon Musk.
"A Murder at the End of the World" is a mystery series with a new kind of detective at the helm -- a Gen Z amateur sleuth and tech-savvy hacker named Darby Hart. In the new limited series, Darby and eight other guests are invited by a reclusive billionaire to participate in a retreat at a remote and dazzling location. When one of the other guests is found dead, Darby must put to use all of her combined skills to prove it was in fact murder, all against a tide of competing interests and before the killer takes another life.
youtube
oh my godddddd do i love a horrible little woman. sopping wet cat pathetic fuckup of a woman. enormous friends at the table clementine kesh vibes here but slightly lesss malicious. now! normally i am a girl's girl. i love women. but my god did darby royally fuck up her former lover.
one of the better hetero-appearing romances ive ever seen-- we fall in love with bill just as much as darby did, and his death drives the show in a way a fridged wife would in a different show.
i like how it is not a show About hacking, and darby became a hacker somewhat incidentally bc she needed to hack to get what she wanted. super tense, beautifully shot, balances current-day and flashbacks well, the twist is honestly bonkers but it is a very fair mystery.
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playing
got clorinde :) now i have to collect one billion starfish to level her up :(
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her story quest was so cute! a really fun visual novel take on ttrpgs/larping! everyone got little character art! i like her more uniform-braid-style outfit in the character art more than her actual outfit but oh well. im sure they'll release that one as an alt outfit at some point
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also pulled dehya! pyro claymore wielder! goodbye diluc u were a mainstay on my team for a year but there's a hot girl who fills your same niche now
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making
my sister was here so a lot of sibling bonding (going to lesbian bars, moving furniture up my horrible stairs, art museums, weeping over impossibly well tended five hundred year old tapestries and carpets, etc). i had an Excellent slice of key lime pie cheesecake at House of Pies-- i do not typically enjoy cheesecake, i feel like it's often too rich and leaves a weird coating on my tongue. alarmingly green but the tartness offset the cheesecake in a very pleasing way.
look at my new desk's woodgrain again
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scribbledghost · 12 hours
Note
Angst angst angst- fem! Simon's girlfriend feels neglected as fem! Simon becomes increasingly consumed by her military duties, leading to feelings of isolation and resentment
The entire 141 had warned her when she started dating a civilian.
"You're married to the job."
"You're away more often than you're home."
All well-meaning perspective checks, but all with the same underlying warning:
We know you love her. You know you love her. But there will come a time when she won't be so sure.
And, unfortunately for Simon, it had snuck up on her.
The op had taken far too long. She hadn't been deployed the entire time, but even when she was home, the op consumed her. Endless files, countless hours poring over intel and deciding what route to move in next to ensure the target was handled appropriately. Lots of meetings with Price, discussing S.O.P.s and possible scenarios.
None of which could include you. The mission was heavily classified, and aside from the top echelons of the military, Laswell, and the 141, no one could know what was going on.
All she could tell you was that it was important. And that for your safety, she couldn't involve you in any way. Her job is a part of her, part and parcel of who she is as a person.
That didn't make it hurt any less though.
Simon had noticed you starting to withdraw. Warm smiles, soft words, and gentle touches had turned into one-word answers and sideways glances. Like you were going through the motions. She supposed she had little room to judge; she spent more time locked away in her office than she did with you. She's fairly sure she's talked to Price more in the past six months than she has her girlfriend.
It's the nature of the job. She knows it, you know it. The military isn't exactly the type of job she can walk into and give a two-week notice. She has to obey her orders, and unfortunately this has come at the expense of your relationship. She didn't blame you for feeling angry and neglected.
One evening, after Simon gets confirmation from Price that she's to ship out the next morning (hopefully the final time for this particular op), things boil over.
"Leaving tomorrow I assume," you say absentmindedly, not even looking up from your phone.
"...Yeah. In the morning."
You only hum in acknowledgement.
Simon doesn't know what to do. She feels helpless; stuck between a rock and a hard place. She wants to pull you close, wants to bury her nose in your scalp and tell you the mission is done after this deployment. She wants to tell you that when she comes home, she's all yours again.
But... she can't. She can't promise that this will be the time they catch the target. She hopes it is, prays it is, begs whoever is listening that their intel is good this time. But she can't guarantee anything. Hell, it's not lost on her that she can't even guarantee she'll come back at all.
There's so much she can't do. But she tries her best.
She walks over to the couch, kneeling in front of you.
"Can I hold you, love?" she asks softly.
She spots the crack in your armor almost immediately. It's a weakness you're quick to cover up, much to Simon's dismay.
"...Yeah."
The two of you shift until Simon's got you in her lap, holding you close. Your phone is sat down elsewhere, and for a brief moment, it's like Simon's been allowed to return to before this shitty mission ever crossed her desk.
"I wish I knew how to make this better."
It's a startling confession, coming from Simon. Especially in such a delicate, vulnerable tone. But it's the truth.
"I wish I could tell you everythin'," she continues, unable to stop herself now. "Wish I could walk in tomorrow mornin' and tell 'em I'm done with this op."
There's a moment of silence before you wrap your arms around her neck and bury your face there.
"I miss you so much, Simon."
She heaves a shuddering breath.
"I miss you too, love. God, you have no idea how fuckin' much I miss you."
She pulls you in impossibly closer, wishing she had the words to properly convey everything she needs to in this moment.
"I promise I'm gonna do everythin' I can to make sure this mission ends tomorrow."
It's all she can promise right now; that she'll try her best. It's not much, but she hopes it's something.
"...Can you do me a favor, Simon?" you ask.
"Anythin'."
"When you find... whoever you're after. Or whatever you're after. When you catch them."
"Yeah?"
"...Make them suffer."
She's way ahead of you. She's wanted their target's head on a pike ever since her second deployment in search of them turned up nothing.
"Deal."
She makes another silent promise. One that she's always been told not to make, because it brings bad luck. But she makes it now anyway, to herself.
She promises that she's coming home. She promises that this is the last time she's putting this mission before you. She promises that as soon as her plane touches down and she returns to you, she'll make everything up to you. She promises that she'll reward your patience, honor your sacrifices, acknowledge your loneliness and resentment.
She's not supposed to promise any of that. But she does, because she knows she'll do whatever it takes to make sure it happens.
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phoebepheebsphibs · 2 days
Text
Double-Mutated Mikey
Chapter 29: Affective Science and Emotional Psychology
Continued from the short story written by @boots-with-the-fur-club
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"Well, I think that might be everything, so I should get going..."
"Here, let me help you with that!" Leo says with a snarky smile, his sword slashing the air and creating a portal beneath Agent Bishop, causing him to fall through. The last thing they hear is him yelping before he vanishes completely, the portal snapping closed with a spark of light.
"Leo!" Casey sputters. "Why -- what -- what was that for?!"
"What?" Leo asks nonchalantly with a shrug and smug smile. "I was only helping him get home."
"You just wanted him gone," Casey accuses.
"That, too."
"Leo!!"
"Oh, come ooooooon!" Leo groans, leaning against his katana. "What's the big deal? I don't know him yet, and until I know him better, I don't wanna trust him!"
"Leo, he literally just risked his life against superpowered bounty hunters to keep Mikey safe," Casey reminds him.
"Yeah, yeah...." Leo sighs, lifting the katanas again and sheathing them.
"Besides, I already told you guys we can trust him!" Casey reminds him. "Doesn't my word count for anything?"
"Yeah, but that was in an alternate future where things kinda went south," Leo says with a roll of his eyes. "So forgive me if I don't warm up to him so quickly."
"What is up with you?" Casey asks angrily. "You were never so bullheaded when you were the leader of the resistance --"
"Yeah, well, I'm not that guy." Leo's voice is stern and strong. Cold. Tired of going through the same conversation over and over again. "And we spoke about this. Several times. I don't think it's appropriate to talk about the future --"
Casey growls loudly and throws his hands up into the air.
"Rrrgh! You always say that! And I'm sick and tired of it!"
He jabs a finger into Leo's chest and pushes him back a step as he fumes with fury.
"Why won't you let me talk about my life?!"
"It's not just your life, Casey," Leo refutes, pushing his hand away. "It's... it's more than just that! It's our lives, too! And I don't want you to unintentionally weigh them down by telling them what happens to them --"
"You don't know that's how they'll react!" Casey argues. "And it's not like I'm going to just waltz up and start telling them how they'll die! It won't even happen anymore!"
"It's not just that, Mikey may never be the person he was before the double mutation! How do you think he'll react to hearing he was a mystic warrior when he doesn't even remember what his ninpo is?! Or Raph, you can barely even remember what he looked like in the future! What are you gonna tell him about his life?! You don't know that they'd be willing to hear that stuff!"
"It wasn't all a horror show!" Casey snarls. "My life wasn't a complete abomination! How would you know, you won't even hear about it! The others might not feel the same way you do!"
"But they might!" Leo yells back. "And I'm the leader, I have to make that kind of decision for everyone, and I say that --"
"THAT'S IT!" Casey screams. "I've been trying not to cause a scene or pick a fight, but I've had it! I've snapped, this is me snapping -- I'm gonna fight you on this now!! And you're gonna listen, got it?!"
Leo's goes wide-eyed with shock, his mouth opening and then closing as Casey continues to shout.
"I wanna talk about my life! I want to talk about my family! It's not fair that you ask me to not talk about that stuff!! It's my entire home, world, everything I ever cared about! I can't just sweep my whole life under the rug and pretend it never happened!"
Casey starts pacing as he spirals.
"You guys were everything to me! And it's not that I don't like you as you are now, I do, you're great and you're like a new family to me -- but you're not the family I grew up with! You're right, you're not my Sensei, and you'll never be him no matter how hard you try! He was a fierce, stoic leader of the apocalypse; he led armies and fought alien monsters everyday of his life and he only had one arm! You are not him, and no matter what happens, this world will never be the one I knew. So you will never be the Leo I knew. You'll never become my Sensei..."
Leo looks down at the ground sadly, hand reaching up and rubbing at his elbow. He looks guilty, if not a little sick to his stomach.
"...Casey, I --"
"And I get why you didn't want me to talk to them about the future, but what does it matter now?! It's never going to happen! I'll never see my family again! Why shouldn't I tell Donnie about all the amazing things he did and created?! Why shouldn't I tell Mikey about how cool he was and how he could fly?! And don't you think Raph would like to know that he was a respected hero?! Or that I should tell April that she was the most kick-butt commander and the youngest human to lead a frontline attack ever?! And don't you think I deserve a chance to ask my Mom questions about her life?! Do you know how crazy and weird this whole thing is for me?! DO YOU?!"
Leo flinches at Casey's volume.
"I... I'm sorry..."
"Dude, I am losing my MIND!" Casey screams, throwing his hands up in the air before wringing them through his hair. "Everyone treats me like the plague! They have no idea what to say to me, and I have no idea what to say to them! If I don't talk to someone about my life, about the things I did, or the people I loved and grew up with, I'm gonna explode! I can't just pretend that they didn't exist! I can't just pretend that my Sensei didn't exist!"
Leo looks pale, like he might puke. Something about the idea of 'not existing'... Casey doesn't notice though, and continues.
"And it HURTS! It hurts how I can't talk about them, about myself, about any of it!! And it wouldn't hurt so much if I could see them again, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that they were totally gone! But they are now! I didn't even get a freaking choice about it, I was literally thrown into THIS WHOLE SITUATION and -- I have nothing anymore! No pictures, no family photos or letters or anything! My childhood home doesn't exist, my life doesn't exist, I MIGHT NOT EXIST NOW. Do you even know the existential dread I have about an alternate timeline me being born?! Everything about the future has changed, and..."
Casey's fists shake as hot tears streak down his bright red and infuriated cheeks.
"...and that means that I'll never, EVER see my family again. You can't be the Leonardo I knew. You never will be. He's dead and gone and erased from existence. And I'm stuck here with that knowledge. I love you guys, I really do, but... you'll never be what I want. You can never be the people I loved the most, and... I don't want you to be them. You can't replace them, and even if you could, I'd never want you to have to go through what they did to become who they became. I'm not asking for that, I don't want that, I just... I don't want to dishonor their memory by ignoring them. I don't want to forget them."
Casey heaves a hot and angry breath, grunting and growling before composing himself.
He stands there, glowering as Leo stands before him, frozen stiff. The two of them are still reeling from Casey's outburst. Finally, when it gets just awkward enough, Casey brings his eyes up to the leader.
"...Well? Don't you have something to say?" he asks, glaring at Leo.
He was ranting so much, he didn't even really look at him. Now he is.
Leo looks very, very small.
The slider refuses to meet Casey's eyes, simply holding himself sheepishly and looking very guilty. His head is slowly retracting into his shell. His forehead is wrinkled, his lips pursed and tight. His feet shuffle in the sand, moving back and forth as he tries to force himself to speak.
"...You're right," he mumbles. "Of course you're right. I... I had no just cause to make you stay quiet. It was totally unfair, and you should be able to talk about it. So... go ahead. You can talk about it."
Casey stares at Leo. He's... letting him win the argument? Why? He didn't yell that hard at him, did he? Leo kicks the sand as he continues.
"...I mean, I can't really stop you from talking about it anyways. You're your own dude, and I'm not your Sensei, like you said... I should never have asked that of you in the first place. I'm sorry."
Casey feels uneasy about this. Yes, he's relieved he got what he wanted, but something in the way Leo is taking this... rolling over and acting all wounded and weird. Giving up and giving in too easily.
Leo isn't like this.
He's cocky and confident and stubborn.
What's going on?
"Leo --"
"A-and I'm sorry," Leo continues, voice cracking slightly. "I'm really sorry for everything you had to put up with and all the stupid stuff I put you through, and --"
"Leo, wait, I --" Casey tries again.
"I just didn't want to freak them out over the whole 'dying in awful ways' part of the future, but since that's not going to happen anymore, and... who knows, maybe they'll take it better than I did, I mean... i-it wasn't their fault, and --"
"Wait, what do you mean 'their fault'?" Casey questions.
Leo finally looks at him. Casey can see the strain in his eyes from how he's trying to keep from crying.
".....Nothing. F-forget I mentioned it," Leo mutters, turning to walk away.
"No, wait," Casey says, grabbing his arm and tugging him back. "I got a chance to yell, now you should too. What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"
Leo doesn't look back at Casey.
"I don't have anything to say. You're right. I was wrong. End of story."
His lips curl and he pulls his arm away.
"I'm... I'm so sorry, Casey. I never meant to hurt you, I just... I don't know..."
"Neither do I. What's going on with you?" Casey asks.
Leo doesn't respond, apart from a sharp inhale and shaky exhale.
He takes one of the katanas and slices a portal open.
"....I think maybe I should just go. I.... I need to be alone."
Leo steps through the portal, and Casey hears him mutter under his breath.
"...it would probably be better for everyone if I just left, anyways..."
Casey yelps in protest, but Leo vanishes before he can get him to stay and talk it out.
He grumbles. Why can't Leo ever just listen?
No, he did listen. That's not the problem.
The problem is he won't talk.
....Maybe he and his Sensei are more alike than he thought...
.
.
.
Casey peeks around the corner and watches as his Sensei is getting patched up by his twin, 'Uncle Tello.' The purple-clad turtle mutant grumbles as he pulls items from his all-purpose overalls and adjusts Leo's prosthetic arm.
"And how long has it been acting up like this?" Donatello asks.
"Not that long," Leonardo says, clearly lying through his teeth.
"Leo. How long."
"Um.... maybe.... a month?"
Donatello smacks Leonardo upside the head.
He growls as he pulls the arm off of his brother's shoulder, revealing a long halo of rust and torn flesh from where the metal in the robot arm has been digging and scraping.
"....Leo."
"Yeah?"
"I don't think I have to tell you that this is not satisfactory."
Leonardo chuckles.
"Heh heh, yeah... I figured."
"Did you know how bad it was?" Uncle Tello asks him, though the question is so laced with irritation that it sounds more like an interrogation.
"Sort of." Leonardo shuffles in his seat on Uncle Tello's desk. "I knew it hurt, and that it needed repairs... but, uh..."
Leonardo tilts his head to get a better look at the wounds.
"Yeah, that's pretty gross. Sorry, hermano."
Donatello grumbles and gags as he cleans the injuries and disinfects them. Everyone knows that Donatello prefers machines to humans, and Leo is the medic of the two. Donatello hates the sight of blood. He gags again as he scrapes the dried blood off of Leonardo's arm stub and cleans it with antibiotics and antibacterials.
"You know, this is how you get tetanus or septicaemia or --"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it Dee..."
"I don't think you do. Something like blood poisoning in the apocalypse is not to be taken lightly, 'hermano'. And this is the third time you've stalled on coming to me for repairs. What's wrong?"
Casey sees his fearless leader hang his head in shame before covering it with his non-robot hand.
"I just... I knew we were low on supplies, and didn't want to bother you."
Uncle Tello looks at Leonardo with an expression Casey Jones Jr. cannot name. Regret? Anger? Confusion? Sadness? Maybe all at once? Donatello is never easy to read. But there is a hint of understanding in his eyes as his brow furrows a bit more.
"...Is this about --" he pauses, swallowing before whispering the rest, just quiet enough so that Casey has to strain to hear the words. "Is this about what happened with Raph?"
"Maybe," Leo whimpers. "...Yeah."
"That wasn't your fault. He was just too injured, and... there wasn't anything we could do for him."
Leonardo grips onto Donatello and cries into his overalls. Donatello holds him and rubs his scarred shell.
"But if you'd had the supplies you needed -- If I hadn't taken the last of it for my arm --"
"Leo, you went on a three-day trek by yourself to try and save him."
Leonardo looks up at Donatello. He's trembling. Uncle Tello rolls his eyes and pats him on the back, a mechanical arm reaching out to hand him a tissue. Leonardo chuckles as he takes it.
"...Why haven't you said anything about this? Why didn't you tell anyone you felt this way?"
"There's more important things in this war than my regret," Leo mumbles.
Uncle Tello raises a drawn-on eyebrow.
"That's dum-dum talk. And you know it."
"Donnie, I'm serious. They need me to be a strong and stoic leader, and I don't have time to just sit around moping --"
"And you think we have time for this kind of thing? Where you refuse to address what's wrong and you let it fester until you end up fainting after a meeting because the pain from your prosthetic was too much?"
Leonardo stays silent.
"...Kick a mutant while he's down, why don't ya."
Donatello huffs an exasperated sigh.
"I don't want you to end up like Raph. You need to tell me if something is wrong. If not me, then Dr. Feelings."
"Pizza Supreme, no," Leo jokes. "I'll try to do better."
"You'd better."
Leonardo chuckles as Donatello finishes with the bandages on his stub and shoulder, then moves onto the prosthetic. Casey continues to watch nervously from around the corner until his Sensei turns and sees him. He smiles and motions for him to come forward. CJ climbs up to sit on his lap and stares up at his Sensei.
He looks so much older than he really is. His tattered and worn mask has tear stains and wrinkles. He's pale and tired. Casey hugs him, hoping the hug will help him to feel better. It's what Master Michelangelo would do. He vaguely recalls Raphael hugging him as well.
Sensei Leonardo hugs him back, rubbing his hand over his spine. Everything will be fine, he'll get better and he won't cry as much because the world is not lost and it may be sad, but everything will work out.
Casey hugs his dad tighter.
.
.
.
Raph relaxes happily, watching as Donnie builds a miniature civilization in sand. Mikey had run up a few minutes earlier and asked to join in the fun. Don had reluctantly allowed Mikey to assist, gathering water and mixing it with sand. He was having a fun time playing with the muck and splashing it around before passing handfuls to Donatello, who used it like brick and mortar in his tiny colony.
Raph smiles every time Mikey cackles with his sensory beach sludge entertainment. He smiles when Donatello finishes a new house and in self-congratulation throws his head back and yells 'I've done it again!' like a mad scientist before calming and moving on to the next one. He smiles when Mikey finds pebbles and shells in the sand and offers to help decorate a few of the buildings, which Donatello agrees to. Mikey's sense of colour and design is still on point, and his additions to the homes make the tiny kingdom the envy of the world. He even uses his claws to create delicate and intricate indented drawings and designs on the walls, like vines climbing up the castle towers or brick patterns or flowers or stars. The two work in tandem to make the town a masterpiece.
Even though the trip was unplanned, everyone is enjoying it immensely. April promised to come down today after classes. Cassandra suggested that she might also hang out after a mission taking down another sub-par plot from the Foot Clan. He hopes they can make it. April loves the sun and sand and surf; and while Raph isn't sure how Cass feels about it, he thinks that she could use a nice rest and vacay.
At the very least, he's glad that his brothers are enjoying it!
"...Raph! Raph!"
...He didn't just jinx it all, did he?
Raphael turns to see Casey Jr. running up to him.
Mikey sees Casey running and whistles a chirp at him to say 'hello'.
Donatello waves a mechanical arm at him in greeting.
"What's up, CJ?" Raph asks with a smile.
"Rrrracing again?" Mikey asks.
"No, no... I was just... I need to talk to Raph..."
He turns to Raphael and speaks in a much quieter tone.
"Something's off with Leo," he pants. "I... I just had an argument with him..."
"That's not out of the ordinary," Raph jokes halfheartedly.
He regrets the joke immediately when Donnie glares up at him.
Donnie told Raph about the many times he and Mikey had been forced to listen to their screaming matches. And before his mutation, Mikey had also sort of more-or-less-very-vaguely-so-as-not-to-worry him-mentioned to Raph that their arguments may or may not have caused a few restless sleeps and nights where Mikey would just cry himself to bed. He didn't say that exactly, and he wouldn't outright admit it, but Raph had long since learned to read between the lines. He is fairly certain that Mikey couldn't even remember that conversation now, much less the many arguments he'd overheard before the invasion. Raph secretly hopes that is one thing he'll never recall...
"This was different," Casey remarks. "It wasn't even a fight, it was more of just me yelling and Leo simply taking it. He didn't fight back. He didn't even really say anything."
"What did you argue about?" Raph asks, concern growing.
"Just... the same old stuff," Casey mumbles. "I was mad because he didn't want me to talk to you guys about the future."
"Why not?" Raph is sure he already knows the answer.
"He thought that knowing how things ended for everyone would kind of... mess you up."
Casey sighs.
"Saying it out loud... it makes sense. But, not everything that happened was bad! A lot of it was just... hiding in bunkers and hanging out. Movie nights. Scouting."
Raph nods slowly. He knows that the future was scary, but even still... Casey shouldn't bottle it up. He might overshare and trauma-dump on occasions, but that's common for people who have been through a lot.
"So, what did Leo say?" Raph inquires.
"He said I could talk about it with you guys now."
"Just like that?" Raph asks, surprised.
Leo had -- in an inebriated state from the painkillers -- told Raph a Cliffnotes version of what Casey had told him. Everyone dies fighting the Krang. He knew that was why Leo had sacrificed himself, and he knew that was why he'd asked Casey Jr. not to bring that stuff up again.
"Just like that," Casey nods. "He was mostly quiet, and took it like a sad puppy. And then when I asked him if he had anything to say about it... he just went on a rambling apology. I've never seen him so... I don't even know what word to use. Remorseful, maybe?"
As much as Raph is glad that Leo had relented with CJ... This didn't sound like something he'd do. At least, he wouldn't be so meek about it! Casey is right, something must be off.
"Where did he go?" Raph asks.
"He portaled away. He said he wanted to be alone, and then... something about 'it being better for everyone' or something."
Raph immediately gets up.
"Donnie."
Donatello looks up from his architecture.
"Raph," he answers, matching the tone but with no seriousness behind it.
"Where's Leo's tracker?" Raph urges.
Donnie looks down at his wrist and mutters.
"Good news, he's somewhere on the island. It looks like he's near the north side. His altitude is inclining, so I suspect that he is climbing up the mountain."
Raph nods.
"Okay. Can you give me your wrist tech so I can track him?"
Donnie scoffs.
"As if I would let you touch something so precious that by this point it counts as a part of my person!"
Raph growls low.
"But I can send you a link to the tracking program."
Donnie taps away for a moment before a ping on Raph's phone lets him know that he now has access to at least Leo's tracker. Raphael nods with a grunt to let Donnie know he got it, and walks towards the beach.
"Sh-should I come with?" Casey asks, cautiously stepping after him.
"Nah, Raph's got this," he replies, waving a hand nonchalantly at him. "I'll call if something's up. But I get the feeling this is a brother situation."
Mikey turns to see him go and churrs. Raph pats him on the head to assure that everything is okay before going through the rainbow archway and trekking into the jungle.
.
.
.
Raph wanders across the wooded lands, following the tracker. The glowing blue image of his younger brother's face travels in circles around the center of the island. It takes Raphael longer than he'd like to admit to realize that he's climbing a looping path around the mountain and not just playing ring-around-the-rosie with the ginormous hill. Raph passes a troop of monkeys that hoot at him as he walks through their territory. Leo's icon continues to go around and around and around. Raphael gets tired of walking and wonders if he's even going in the right direction. He climbs a tree to get a better view. While climbing up he meets a family of toucans. One squawks loudly at him.
"Pardon me, folks," he says before continuing upwards.
Raph looks past the branches and sees the lay of the land. He can clearly see the island's dormant volcano, tall and towering into the sky. He spots something like a ledge around it, several cliffs that bunch together and lead upwards. He wonders if he could see Leo climbing it...
Nope. Can't see jack squat. Especially with his eye...
Raph climbs down and heads toward the volcano. After an hour or so, his phone chimes. Leo's icon has halted on the mountain trail, off-center towards the north-east.
The icon doesn't move from there, it stays stationary. Raph is curious, but relieved that he doesn't have to chase Leo all over the island.
He keeps going for the mountain, traversing across canyons, rivers, a lake here and there, sand pits, tropical gardens with flowers he's never seen before and spiders that almost look as big as Big Mama and snakes that are long and fat and could probably swallow him whole.
Oh, and a few more monkeys. Man, this island is really populated.
Raph eventually makes it to the volcano, and starts climbing up the cliffside before finding a rocky pathway that leads near to the top.
He walks along the path, rounding the mountain for quite a while. He wonders why Leo just walked along this path rather than portaling to the top. It's so boring and arduous...
And quiet.
Raph finds himself thinking about things, enjoying the peace and contemplating the events of the day, the week, the month, the year. It's calm, and he can almost hear his own thoughts as he continues to walk. At some point, he realizes that the reason he can hear his thoughts is because he's been talking to himself, making company with his own voice as he tries to entertain his mind. He talks about everything that's been on his mind, from the latest issue of Jupiter Jim, to worrying over Mikey. It's somewhat therapeutic, actually, getting to be alone and think things through...
Oh. So this is why Leo walked instead of portaling.
Raph is about to die of exhaustion and boredom when he turns a curve and sees a ledge leading out, overlooking the island.
Leo sits on the edge of the cliff, chin resting on his knee as his mask tails float calmly in the breeze.
"Hey, Leo."
The slider turns slowly, movements somewhat sluggish and melancholic. He feigns a smile.
"Hey. I saw you coming up."
"Mind if I sit?" Raph requests.
"It's a free island," Leo shrugs.
"Good, cuz' Raph's about to pass out," the snapping turtle gasps, slumping besides his red-eared slider brother as he works to catch his breath.
He waits in silence for Leo to say something. Leo's always the one to start a conversation, just like how he's always the one to try and have the last word.
But Leo is quiet. That's not a good sign.
Raph looks over at him. He looks kind of like how he did during the first month post-Krang.
Tired. Emotionless. You could almost mistake his demeanour for serenity, but he's separated from the others. Casey probably picked the perfect word. Remorseful. Something is holding him back.
"You okay?" Raph asks.
Leo had apparently been zoning out, and jumps a little at Raphael's voice.
"Yeah. Well... no. I mean..."
He turns to look at his brother.
"I don't know, actually. Physically, I'm fine. But mentally, emotionally? I'm not sure what to say."
"Well, start simple. Are these good feelings or bad ones?"
Leo looks away, concentrating on the ocean before them.
"...Probably bad."
"Oh. Wanna talk about it?"
Leo smiles a bit before bringing his dangling leg up from over the edge, burying half of his face behind his knees and wrapping his arms around them, attempting to bundle himself together.
"Casey talked to you, didn't he?"
"Yeah. He said you guys had a spat."
Leo chuckles.
"You could say that."
"He said you were acting strange after. I just wanted to check up on ya."
Raphael places a hand on Leo's back, scooting in a bit closer.
"You can tell me about what's bothering you. I'm here to listen."
Leo glances out of the corner of his eyes to look at Raph. His brother smiles at him, trying to make him feel safe and comfortable.
"...I guess I felt badly. About what I put Casey through. And I started thinking about what I put everyone through, and then he mentioned that I'll never be the Leo he knew, and... he's right. And it's stupid, because it will never happen, but... I'm terrified of what he would say if he saw me."
"Who? Casey's Leo?" Raph asks.
"Yeah I know, it's a dumb 'what-if', but I'm scared all the same. He was this huge monument, the king of the end of the world, a hero and an inspiration, yadda yadda yadda, more apocalypse propaganda. But I'm the guy who almost doomed humanity. I'm the guy that was so stupid and cocky that I got you captured. The brother that got Mikey and Donnie trapped in a tunnel with a monster train. The leader that brought the key to the Krang. I'm --"
"Okay, I get it," Raph says, stopping him from continuing. "But Leo, that wasn't your fault. You didn't know what that thing was, you couldn't have! You ain't psychic, and you did your best."
Raph sighs.
"...And part of it's my fault too, I pushed you too hard. I gave you the wrong idea about what being a 'hero' means. I just wanted you to take things a little more seriously and be responsible, but you just sacrificed yourself! That was a selfless thing to do, sure, and maybe you were just trying to take responsibility for us, but I never meant..."
He pauses, thinking maybe he stumbled across something he didn't mean to when Leo starts crying. Raph panics.
"Leo? What? What did I say?"
Leo can't speak for a moment, and Raph holds him close. Leo just shakes, crying into his big brother for what feels like an eternity. Raph can feel him holding in the sobs, desperately catching his breath to force out a meager sentence.
"...I ...I thought I was gonna die..."
Raph nods, stroking Leo's shell in long strides to soothe him. He knows that Leo knew what he was getting himself into. He knows Leo understood what being trapped in the Prison Dimension with the Krang Prime meant. He knows Leo knew that his sacrifice was just that, a sacrifice. He knows what Leo thought was going to happen.
"...I wanted it."
Raph stops. His hands freeze in place, his breathing halts, his head goes numb. He slowly looks down at Leo, shaking and sobbing in his arms.
"I... I wanted it to end. At first I expected it, I was just waiting for it to happen... I kept waiting. But... then I almost begged him for it! Because it just hurt and hurt and hurt, a-and --"
Raph is trying to calm him down, stroking Leo's head gently.
"Leo, that's not --"
"And I thought about the hurt I put you through! How much trouble I cause, how many times my stupid ego got in the way, and -- and I'm sorry!"
Leo wails, clinging onto Raph as tight as he can, afraid that if he lets his brother go he'll leave him like the sorry, pathetic, wretched little pest that he is.
"I'm so sorry! I'll always be sorry, I know I screwed it all up, I know I failed, I know I -- I know, and I'm sorry, I'm just -- just -- sorry..."
To Leo's surprise, Raphael pulls him even closer, matching his tight embrace. Raph's tail curls around them both. Leo can hardly catch his breath, but he's grateful for the tight hold that Raph has him in. It grounds him, it keeps him safe, he can't think about the infinite failures and the monsters waiting for him in the Prison Dimension if Raphael is protecting him like this.
"I wanted to... to make up for what happened.... I hoped that... that maybe it would..."
"No."
Raph squeezes him tighter, forcing him to stop.
"No. No. That wouldn't... Leo, how could you even think...?"
"I thought you'd all be better off without me--" Leo whimpers.
"No!" Raph says again, pulling Leo away from his chest.
Leo whines, trying to get back into the embrace, wanting to have his brother's comfort but afraid to see his face or meet his eyes.
"I just -- I hate myself, Raph," he admits. "I just hate everything about myself. I hate what I do to this family, I hate the kind of leader I am, I hate how I can never be real and always make stupid corny jokes, I hate how scared I always am, I hate it, I hate me, I hate --"
"Leo," Raph says, lowering his head to try and get him to meet his eyes. "I don't know how to make you understand, but I love everything you hate about yourself."
Leo stares up at him.
"Sure, you being scared sucks, but everyone gets scared."
"I feel like I'm scared all the time, now..."
"I can help you with that. And I may be self-projecting here, but I think the fear you have now is mostly just about us and your role as leader, right?"
Leo nods, bowing his head low as he rests it against Raph's chest.
"You love your family and you care about them," Raph continues. "You're smart and you see every angle. That's what makes you a great leader. I love the kind of leader you are. I really do. I was never really that good at being leader --"
"You were a great leader!" Leo counters.
"And so are you," Raph smiles. "I was terrified as leader, and usually I ended up causing all kinds of problems. Remember the hippo costume? The F.A.B. four? Or how I had us trust Big Mama? Or any of the other countless times I screwed up?"
Leo chuckles softly.
"Point made. But Raph --" Leo looks up at him, eyes wet and sparkling, "I really did like you as leader. You fit the role better than I ever could."
"But Pops chose you to be the leader. And I honestly have to agree with him. You might not like it, but you have the head for it."
Leo sighs and nuzzles against Raph's chest. His older brother rocks him back and forth as he continues.
"And I love your jokes too, man. You always crack me up, and you make even the scariest situations seem normal. Maybe it's not the best coping mechanism, but definitely not the worst. And for real, your jokes are hilarious, not stupid."
Raph feels Leo smile a little against his plastron. He can also feel tears streaming down Leo's face.
"And Leo. This family would be nothing without you."
"But --"
"Ah-ah-ah!" He stops Leo before he can argue the fact. "NOTHING. Without you. I mean that. You've saved our skins countless times. You take charge in ways I never could when I was leader. Our bros listen to you, dude. And beyond being a leader, we love you because you're our brother. And even beyond that, we will always love you because you are our Leo."
"But, Raph..."
Leo reaches up and traces the crack in his plastron, the hole in his shell. The scars under his mask.
"...Your eye..."
"It'll heal," he says with a smile. "And it was not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for something that was not your fault and start seeing yourself the way I do. Leo, I wouldn't even BE HERE if it weren't for you! You pulled me out of the Krang, you got me back to normal! You got me home."
Leo looks up at him, eyes searching for anything to say that Raph is insincere, or hiding some anger or blame. He could search for eternity. He'd never find anything other than love.
Leo bursts into tears and wraps himself around Raph again.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so so so sosososososo so sorry.....!"
"I know, bud."
Raphael holds Leo close.
"I know you're sorry... But I love you too much to let you stay in these thoughts. Tell me what I have to do to help, and I will."
Leo is quiet for a moment before looking up at him with a pout.
"Carry me back?"
Raph laughs as he picks Leo up and carries him on his shoulders back down the mountain.
"Sure thing, bud. So long as you fight those intrusive thoughts, okay?"
Leo nods, hugging Raph again.
"Whatever you say, leader."
"I'm serious. I don't like the way you've been treating yourself."
"I'm not exactly having the time of my life about it, either."
"Leo," Raph scolds.
"Sorry, but you said you liked my jokes!"
"Yeah, yeah," Raph chuckles, hopping over a light crevice in the path. "But for real, we gotta work on this. You need to stop beating yourself up and cut yourself some slack. If you can forgive me for everything stupid I did when I was leader, and for all the hurt I caused when I was krangified, then why can't you forgive yourself?"
Leo pauses, wrapping his arms under Raph's chin and resting his cheek on his face. He thinks it over.
"...I dunno. I guess I should, but I feel like hold myself to a different standard than you guys. I can forgive you because I know you never meant anything cruel or bad."
"And you didn't either, right?" Raph questions.
"That's the thing," Leo sighs. "I don't really mean any malice behind my dumb decisions, but I know every reason for those decisions. I can't give myself the benefit of the doubt or any grace for what happened because I know every dark detail. Even if it isn't a big thing, even if it's just a stupid mistake, like I spilled the milk or something. I still should have known better. I expect better. I can't control what you guys do, but I can control what I do, so that means I should be better about everything."
Leo pouts.
"And I'm not."
"Leo, you've only been leader for maybe a year and a half by this point," Raph reminds him. "And you had to fight a whole alien invasion, and you're only sixteen. Most sixteen year olds just have to worry about their drivers' exam, not stopping a war or battling mutants!"
Leo sighs.
"I guess you're right... but I can't really help feeling this way."
"You gotta get out of your head, man."
"I know," Leo mopes. "I just... don't know how."
"I'll help you figure it out," Raph promises. "We all will."
.
.
.
Casey paces across the sandy shores, walking along the waters' edge. The waves creep up and try to attack his feet, but he steps out of the way before they can get to him. He's been pacing for a while. Raph hasn't come back yet. Leo hasn't come back yet. Every ten minutes, Casey would ask to see the tracker and would check on them. After the seventeenth time, though, Donnie got sick of it and sent him a link to the trackers as well.
Casey looks down at the tracker on his phone again.
The two had finally met up and paused at one location for a long time before leaving together down the mountain. It looks like they finally reached the bottom, and are trekking out of the jungles.
Casey paces again.
The tide laps up and tries to get his toes. Casey steps out of the way. The tide retreats.
Casey paces.
He shouldn't have gotten so mad. He shouldn't have yelled. He didn't mean to make such a mess...
Casey avoids the waves again and watches them slide back into the water.
Casey doesn't pace. He watches.
The waters bubble and foam, tiny tides folding over each other and spilling into one another. They float back and forth, getting closer with each wave. They leave traces of the foam and bubbles in the sand as they recede. Tiny clams or sand crabs are revealed as the water erodes the gravel, but they crawl back under the sand quickly to be hidden away again before a bird can get them. Tiny fish with silver scales swim in schools in the deeper areas of the water. The waves crash again, coming closer to attack his feet.
This time, he lets them.
The water runs over his sandals. It's a little cold, but not uncomfortable. The foam covers his toes, grit gets stuck under his feet, a stray strand of seaweed wraps around his ankle. He sinks in a little as the waves drag trace amounts of the sand out from under his shoes.
Casey hears a rustling from behind him, and Raphael saunters out with Leonardo climbing off of his shoulders.
They're talking, smiling. Though Leo looks exhausted.
Casey runs up to the duo.
"Raph! Leo!"
Raph turns and waves him down, smiling brightly. Leo shrinks and looks guilty again.
Casey slows and fidgets with his hands as he approaches them, unsure of what to say. Raph turns to see Leo hiding behind him and breathes loudly through his nose. He turns back to Casey, and rolls his eyes at the awkward tension in the air. This won't do. He pulls Casey a little closer and directs him to Leo.
"We talked. Now you two talk. Patch things up. Leo, don't hold back. He needs to know. When you two are done, come and find us so we can talk it over with Donnie and Mikey and Pops --"
"I-I don't want Mikey to know yet," Leo whispers. "He's already got enough on his mind, and I doubt he'd understand... I don't want him to worry."
Raph stares him down.
"Fine. That's your call. But Donnie and Pops should know. And I think we should also tell April too, but that's your decision. She'd wanna know."
Leo nods in melancholy agreement. Raph waves again at Casey before heading towards the portal.
Casey and Leo stand awkwardly, each one shuffling their feet and shifting their weight while they try to find the words they want to say.
"Casey--"
"Leo--"
They both pause.
"You first," Casey offers.
"Okay. Um... I-I'm sorry for... everything. Again."
"I don't care about that anymore, I wanna know why you were acting weird and why you ran away," CJ responds.
Leo swallows. Casey can see he's shaking a little.
"I... I needed some time alone. I've not been... honest about my mental state as of late."
"What do you mean?"
Leo spills his guts to Casey about how ever since he told him about the future, ever since he discovered that the Krang killed everyone in the alternate timeline, he's been tormented by thoughts of how worthless he was, how much better for everyone it would be if he just... stopped existing. Leo can hardly even say the actual word, he can barely admit that he's been struggling with thoughts about his own life and whether or not he actually deserves to live. About whether or not he wants to.
Casey is silent the entire time. But things start to make sense.
So that's why he didn't want the others to know about the future... That's why he hated it everytime Casey brought it up.
Leo starts rambling, the words spilling out like vomit. At one point he mentions that he feels like he might actually throw up. Casey sits him down and helps to calm him. He still feels pretty queasy, but he continues to ramble. Part of Leo wishes he would just puke already. Maybe then he'd stop talking about this. Leo wants to stop talking, for once in his life -- but he can't seem to find the off switch in his brain and he just continues to sob and over-explain himself.
And Casey listens carefully. He sits it out and listens to every stammer and stutter and deep dark reveal that Leo has to offer.
Leo finally calms down, panting and heaving from the overly-exerting talk and the sick feeling in his stomach. But he feels lighter. It's good to get it all out and off his chest. He hates that he had to show this part of him; he feels like he revealed a horrible secret or a deadly weakness within him. But he's glad that he did, all the same.
He waits for Casey to respond. He sits beside him, quiet and patting his shell.
"...Feel better?" he whispers.
Leo nods.
"Yeah, actually. Thanks for sitting through all that," Leo chuckles half-heartedly.
CJ smiles at him, wrapping an arm around the turtle in a side-hug.
"That's what family does, dude."
"Some family I've been," Leo mumbles. "I treated you awful."
"You were scared and hurting," Casey states. "It's no excuse, but under the circumstances I can understand why you reacted the way you did. We'll call it even."
Leo huffs a soft breath that Casey interprets as a chuckle.
"So, uh... what now?" Leo asks. "I mean, I do not want to talk anymore, if I'm honest. I'm exhausted."
"Makes sense," CJ remarks. "I guess it's my turn to talk, anyway."
He clears his throat, and Leo prepares himself for another scolding about why he should have let him talk about his family, or another heartbreaking recount of the events of the bad timeline, or something terrible that he deserves because he deserves to hurt, deserves to suffer, he's a good for nothing wretched little pest.
"I'm sorry for what I said."
Leo's mouth softly falls open. He, uh... he wasn't expecting that.
"I shouldn't have said those things. I was angry and I wanted to get my point across, so I intentionally hurt you. The same way I did when we were in the tunnel and I told you about how it all ended. And that wasn't cool of me. I was being a jerk, and you didn't deserve that."
"...Well, I was being a jerk too," Leo articulates. "I needed the reality check."
"Yeah, but I could have been better about it. I was spiteful, and angry, and what I said was brutal. And you held on to that, and you shouldn't have. It wasn't your fault, dude. None of it. None of the attack, invasion, the krang -- none of that was because of you."
"...I wish I could believe you on that," Leo mutters. "But it was my fault. I was stupid and self-absorbed and I let them get away with the key. It was my screw-up that almost doomed humanity."
Casey looks back at Leo, who is slowly slinking into his shell again.
"...Y'know, there was this one mission that me and my Sensei went on," Casey says quietly. "We were supposed to help these refugees back to our hideout. But I got cocky and reckless... I almost screwed it all up. I thought I could get everyone out safely in one night, and I unintentionally alerted the Krang to our location. I could have gotten everyone killed, including Sensei. You. And I went through a lot of negative stuff afterwards. But then... Sensei told me something important."
"...What did he say?" Leo asks with hesitance.
"He said that I wasn't a bad person. He said I was just fifteen. Well, at the time I was. I didn't get it back then, but now I do. I was just a stupid kid who was trying to be bigger than I actually was. And I'm still a stupid kid. The point is, you're still growing up and learning how to be yourself and you'll make dumb mistakes. That's what makes us teenagers. So you should learn from the mistake, but let it go. Cuz' at the end of the day... it was just a mistake."
Leo stares at him before looking out over the water as the sun slowly starts to set.
He smiles.
"...Huh."
He slowly stands up and wipes the sand off before offering a hand to Casey.
"Come on. Raph'll be wondering where we are."
CJ takes his hand, and the two walk back to the hotel to explain to the others about Leo's dilemma and healing.
"Oh, and Casey?"
"Yeah?" CJ answers, pausing to make sure that Leo is okay.
Leo smiles. A genuine, bright smile. He's okay.
"Thanks for telling me that story."
Prev || Next
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crusherthedoctor · 2 days
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Hey all, hope everyone's doing good. Thought I should give an update on my current perspective on things around here, as it's shifted for reasons I'll get into.
In a nutshell, I'm feeling better than before... but I also think it's time for me to semi-check out of current Sonic discussion.
By now, you all know that with the exception of Superstars and Dream Team - and Jimbotnik, because of course - I've not been enthusiastic about much of the current stuff. Whether that be the likelihood that they'll continue with a Frontiers direction, the SA2 milking that has made me more sick to death of its influence than I thought was possible, the Year of Shadow in general not being all that enticing if your top ten does not include him, IDW still causing the same repetitive back-and-forths with its characteristically terrible decisions and disproportionate praise from fans who don't actually buy the comic, various other bits and pieces that plant further Eggdad seeds into people's heads, a bunch of other stuff that I'm just apathetic about while everyone else goes crazy over them... it's not been a great time for me. I'm the Garfield, and the current direction is the Monday.
That would all be one thing, but as you may expect, it's the fandom that really irks me. I don't like how it's considered necessary to make every post a bestseller in order for your opinion to be seen as valid and insightful. I don't like how you're expected to not criticise something just because it's popular or "iconic". I don't like how everyone dedicates themselves to the same old lengthy discourse that will continue to not change anyone's minds either way, since the only people listening are the ones who already agreed with them. I don't like how you have Flynn/Archie/IDW stans on one side, and an increasingly common "Japan only, no one else should ever touch the series, also the Japanese fandom is the only one with good people in it, I was born in the wrong country uwu" mentality on the other side.
And... I don't like that I've brought these concerns up so many times before when I know it'll always fall on deaf ears. Why do I do this? Why do I bother? For the fandom, I guess. But if the fandom doesn't even respect me, if my words are always doomed to ring in an empty hallway, why should I bother?
While all this has been going on, the Paper Mario Thousand-Year Door remake has been on my mind quite a bit, as it has been for a lot of folk. As someone who has always loved TTYD, as well as the original N64 Paper Mario, I'm happy to report that I absolutely adore the remake, and quickly considered it a gold standard as far as faithful remakes go. :) There's a lot of reasons for that, but that's best for another time. Anyway, after a certain point, it occurred to me... hasn't it been a while since I've been able to just relax and join in on the hype for something? Hasn't it been a while since my opinion lined up with that of the majority? Hasn't it been a while since, regardless of not actually posting, I felt like I belonged somewhere, and wasn't being made to constantly feel like I'm worthless because I'm not an artist, animator, etc?
I think this is something I've been needing for a long time now. The irony of it coming from the bing bing wahoo man is not lost on me.
After how the past few years in the Sonic fandom have felt like a classroom more than anything, watching everyone repeat the same Why ___ Is Secretly Good/Bad three hour manifestos over and over, and flogging themselves for being Not-Japanese, can you see why the simple pleasures of "hehe Vivian :3" would appeal to me? Can you see why I'd prefer to unwind? I made a valiant effort, but now, I can't force myself to keep up with shit that I'm not passionate about for the sake of a community that doesn't care about what I have to say anyway. I need to find myself a place on here that I can be at ease with.
So what does this mean for my blog? Well, nothing too jarring, just that my focus may shift a little for the time being. Despite what all of the above may imply, I'm not turning in my Sonic badge. I still love the franchise, even if I'm not so fond of its overall current direction. And obviously, I still love Eggman, that'll never change. I'll still answer asks about the series, talk about things I like, reblog stuff I like, work on Stellar, spread Egg Propaganda, and so on. But unless I'm asked about them in certain contexts (ie: "how would you improve this character"?), I refuse to talk about IDW, Frontiers, or anything else whose contents and fandom circles cause me migraines.
Not because toxic positivity, but because after the joy of gushing over Vivian TTYD, and remembering the feeling of belonging, I can't do this again. I can't change Tails calling himself Wildly Inconsistent. I can't change The End being a nothingburger. I can't change Lanolin being an arsehole. I can't change Surge's shilling. I can't change how unprofessional the IDW crew is. I can't change what they're doing with Eggman, and various other characters. I can't change any of these things, no matter how much I or anyone else rants about them, and half the time, no one is seriously listening anyway. So many words for so little results. So I need to move on, stop wasting my time, and turn my attention on things that actually make me happy instead of just... deflated. Maybe if I do that, I can belong again. Maybe when the direction inevitably changes again in the future, it'll feel like it came faster.
So yeah. That's where I'm at now. I hope you guys can understand.
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itslouisan · 3 days
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((@leticiachaos on twitter))
Time for Q!Tallulah headcannons!!
Fair warning: this post has mentions of depression, abandonment issues, trust issues, poor living conditions; all of the mentions of Wilbur are ONLY mentions to his character not the real person.
• Due to her abandonment and trust issues, Tallulah created a tough and cold exterior not opening herself to anything new, but, if you manage to break the shell, she's sweet, caring, loyal, nice, creative, the loveliest egg possible
• She likes Richas, but has jealousy, after all he came AFTER her and still has most of the island around him and ADOPTING HIM??? While SHE had to ground herself to an empty promise of a returning loving father and feeling alone most of the time "without" a "real" family to comfort her.
• Due to her time in the attic Tallulah developed anemia due to not having for a long time the necessary nutrients and surviving off of dirt.
• She hates the smell of moss, dirt and related things despite loving botany due to her time in the attic
Black: depression, extreme anger, sorrow or loneliness, it's her way of expressing she's REALLY not feeling okay
• When she finally accepted Wilbur would never come back or be the father she wished and dreamt of, she cut her hair that was long since "hair holds memories", painted her hair black since Missa is Philza's partner and is more of a father to her than Wilbur could ever be and she was tired of holding herself to a small memory instead of accepting change and happiness
• Can't really vent not because her family wouldn't listen, but because of her trust issues and before having to be the "cute innocent girl who's there for everyone" she didn't have the space to vent and put her emotions first
• She was tired of her original red beanie matching Wilbur, it was too dirty and old, deciding to pick a purple one who matched her and a few mushroom hats to express her emotions
• Each color of mushroom represent an emotion (in canon I think she only had black and purple, but I expanded it considering there's a lot more patterns and colors of mushrooms, especially in a sort of magic island)
purple: neutral, calm, it's the regular she wears all the time
Pink: love, happiness, she's feeling creative or excited over something, possibly wanting or doing stims
Blue: shows more of "little" sadness, not strong enough to be depression or despair, but just enough to show it, also can mean fear.
Red: anger, hate.
• Due to her autism, she carries a pair of headphones ALL the time as well as stim toys, comfort objects or plushies, a sketchbook she writes and draws what she's feeling to better communicate it.
• She can play maracas, flute, piano, guitar (acoustic), kalimba.
• Big fan of musicals and history, in late nights she likes to listen to Philza's stories of the old times and Chay loves his battle stories, so they share this cozy moment
• In the beginning she could only see ghosts, but with time she could see the deities. She can see and feel their emotions but can't talk with them much, she mainly can see Mumza and Rose, Rose in the sanctuary where her power is centered and stronger, Mumza all around her dad (Phil >:) ) and every time she's with the crows.
• Knows flower language to write better letters to everyone, adding a deeper meaning, sometimes saying secret stuff through the flowers and as an extra giving pretty flowers
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• Tallulah sometimes paints her nails with Phil and Chayanne, every week with a different design
• When Missa is home back from his journeys, Tallulah sees how exhausted her dad is, so she speaks in spanish (their native languages) and makes him some food or brings fruit
• Before she officially forgot Wilbur whenever she would come with other residents and her siblings, Tallulah sometimes felt weak, abandoned, left behind, after all, ALL the others had their parents, had close connections, she hated it but couldn't help but feel jealous, in these situations Phil and Chayanne always reassured her the best they could that they would never leave her and that she wouldn't go back to the attic.
• Makes bracelets for her close family, always wearing one with PxTxC on her left hand (Philza, Chayanne and Tallulah), in the right one she has a TxCxR (Tallulah, Richas, Chayanne) or it could be TxCxP (Tallulah, Chayanne, Pomme) after all she doesn't hate Richas, she hates that he's immature and acts "entitled" and dramatic over his issues, but still tries her best to be a good sister to him, also loves pomme a lot!! Considering Pomme her bestie
Reminder: Tallulah is just a child in rp, children don't know how to control their emotions and in situations of abandonment, neglect and lack of a trusting bond with a caretaker, children can struggle even more with emotions, care, jealousy, trust, self-esteem etc, so don't call Tallulah "selfish" or "spoiled" she has every right to be that way after what she's been through
• Due to her depression,sometimes Tallulah can't take care of herself, spending days or weeks in bed or just not feeling like going out, or when she does she doesn't show much interest, in these cases Phil and Chayanne always cooked some nice food and drinks, went to the nests, and chatted and comforted her
• She became a great fighter after the events of pre-purgatory and purgatory, she NEEDED a tough exterior since she was without Chayanne, and that time worsened her depression severely
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