#sometimes i forget how much more homophobic it was when i was growing up

[stevesbipanic]

ok ok ok ive seen a lot of rockstar eddie and bodyguard steve (and dont get me wrong i LOVE that) BUT-hear me out- Rockstar Eddie Munson and his private jet pilot Steve Harrington 👀

Another awesome prompt from you ❤️

Steve had spent his whole life wanting to be free.

The life his parents had designed for him felt suffocating also too tight suits and stuff dinners and hopes for college just to work for his father, to be like his father.

The only thing Steve had liked about being a rich kid growing up was flying to new places. No, not going to new places, new places was just new people his parents wanted to meet. But flying, Steve felt no worries whenever he looked out the window at the clouds.

After his parents cut him off and put of their lives when he didn't get into college, no matter how much money they tried throwing at the problem, Steve had saved up working retail job after retail job with Robin until he had enough money for flight school.

He can remember clearly his first solo flight, he felt so free up in the air, nothing but him and the clouds.

Now 25, he flies private jets, or, more specifically, one private jet.

Eddie Munson had kept his promise of running out of Hawkins the moment that diploma touched his fingers. Him, Jeff and Freak got a dingy apartment in Indianapolis, working odd jobs for a year and playing in dingier bars on the weekend until Gareth joined them the following year. Then a few months after Gareth joined them full-time they got discovered at one of their gigs.

Soon they were signed, releasing their first album which blew up. After that it was a blur of concerts and touring and more albums. Now 26, Eddie Munson is a household name.

Eddie hated the tour bus lifestyle, always cramped and felt like his trailer but with Freak's snores and every pothole in the US to wake him up. Once the band was big enough, Eddie knew what he wanted, a jet.

The problem though was a lot of pilots were homophobic and Eddie had recently came out with support from the majority of his fans. The band went through many pilots before meeting Steve.

Eddie didn't recognise Steve at first, it had been a few years since he'd graduated and more since King Steve had been in his view. Steve recognised Eddie though, not often you forget the guy that made you learn the word bisexual.

Steve was kind now, softer, free. One drunken night Steve confessed how he hated being King Steve, how he wished he'd been better to Eddie. Eddie told him none of that mattered now, Steve was better now and that was what was important.

Steve and Eddie grew closer, sometimes Eddie would sit in the cockpit (a word he loved joking about) with Steve, telling him stories about their tours. Steve would share stories about working with Robin and the kids (who Eddie missed and was glad to hear were doing well) and flight school.

During the times between tours they'd talk on the phone, Steve bemoaning about annoying clients and Eddie telling him about the new songs he was writing.

"The woman kept trying to come into the cockpit,stop laughing you should be used to that word, E's, anyway I swear the husband was ready to kill me by the time we landed."

"The ladies just can't resist you, sweetheart."

"I just wish you were on tour all the time, I like flying with you."

"What if you just have me as a client?"

"You don't need to fly all the time, Eds."

"I want to fly with you all the time, Stevie."

Steve was 27 and he only flew Eddie Munson around. He didn't need to fly on tour all the time but after an incident with a client Eddie didn't want Steve flying anyone else and just paid him full-time, he could afford it.

"He's your flight sugar daddy."

"Never say that again, Robs."

Steve lived in an apartment near Eddie's now, not that he spent much time there, he mainly hung out at Eddie's. Movie nights, smoke sessions, Eddie showing Steve new songs, Eddie not admitting a lot of songs were about Steve.

It all came to a head one night. The two men were slightly tipsy, sitting on Eddie's balcony looking out at the city.

"I never thought I'd be here."

"If anyone deserves it it's you, Eds."

"I have a confession. 'Burning Skies' is about you."

Steve turned towards Eddie smiling softly.

"I know Eds, and I know 'Ticket to Ride' is too, and 'Death by Gravity', you're not subtle and unless you know any other people that fly around all day."

"But, but they're love songs, Stevie."

"I know Eds, I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."

Eddie was now smiling back at Steve, glancing down at his lips. Neither man knows who leant in first but finally, after three years of friendship, they kissed softly under the glow of the city lights.

"Does this mean I get to see your cockpit?"

"I will break up with you right now!"

They both laughed knowing Steve wouldn't, Steve may have felt free in the air, but he felt alive with Eddie by his side.

#ty for the prompt ❤️ #stranger things #stranger things s4 #steve harrington #st4 #eddie munson #steddie #stranger things season 4 #pilot steve #rockstar eddie #ficlet #steddie ficlet #fluff

[circulars-reasoning]

If One Alter Believes It, You All Do (it’s okay, promise)

Time for another long post, though fair warning, I am a bit sleepy. I just feel this is a very important post to make.

This post is open to debate, from all sides of syscourse. However, this post is written with specifically DID/OSDD/UDD/p-DID in mind, and may not be applicable to Endogenic plurals or DID (umbrella term) systems have spiritual headmates. Please keep this in mind if you reblog.

TL;DR: If one alter says something, you cannot just pass it off as “their personal belief.” That’s a belief the system, as a whole, has, and it’s up to YOU to fix that belief if it’s harmful.

I’ve seen more and more frequently lately folks posting about their alter doing XYZ horrible thing, and immediately saying how they disagree with those things. “I’m sorry for what Someone said, it was homophobic and wrong.” “I’m an anti-endo alter, but that alter is pro-endo, I apologize for what they said.” “This alter sent harassment to people, we’re deeply sorry for the pain they caused.”

It’s been very lovely seeing the culture on tumblr shift to have more system accountability - the recognition that someone in your system did something wrong, and YOU (as a collective) need to apologize.

However.

These things are almost always followed by bullshit. “Because of their actions, they’ve been put into forced dormancy.” What? “X isn’t allowed to front anymore.” You’re kidding me.

Remarkably, shoving the homophobe into a corner does not, in fact, make a homophobe no longer homophobic. And shoving your problematic alter in “system jail” for a bit is not going to get to the root of the issue, and is ignoring a much bigger problem.

Alters are all parts of one whole; they are fragments of one personality. This means, if one alter is homophobic? Congrats. You’re homophobic.

“But Circ! This is erasing the individual beliefs of a system!” Nope! If one alter is homophobic, and another alter is not, then congrats - you’re all homophobic sometimes. Just like a singlet, your beliefs and what you stand for changes sometimes.

It’s an uncomfortable truth, one that a lot of systems don’t want to acknowledge. “That alter is bad though!” Yes. And whose problem is that? Yours! I’m so glad you’ve come to recognize that there is part of you that you dislike. It’s common for people to realize they have an aspect of themself that might be problematic or “not good.” What are you going to do to change that part of yourself for the better? “Oh, don’t worry, I’m just going to lock that sort of myself away forever and ever.”

🤦‍♂️

When you’re a system, you need to work through your shit. If you have an alter that is homophobic, then you need to look at it less like “wow that alter is an asshole” and more like “yikes. That alter is part of me: why are they this way?”

Yes, maybe pulling this alter from the front is a temporary fix. But that cannot be the end of the story! You need to then analyze why you have this alter, why they are this way, and how you can help them grow.

“My alter said something homophobic and is a horrible person when fronting. We have stopped them from fronting for awhile.” Awesome! What will you do next?

❌ I will never let them front again and will condone their actions. They will continue to be homophobic, but now it won’t bother anyone.

✅ I will work through some of my internalized homophobia with them and help them feel safe enough to open up about it. They can change for the better, and while I acknowledge that they won’t change immediately, I can do my best to try.

I have seen more and more systems lately treat forced dormancy or stopping “bad alters” from fronting as the end of the story. That simply is not the case. It is up to each individual system to help process their trauma and help those alters grow - that’s the only path to recovery. And never forget: they are part of you. You are locking a part of yourself away. That would not be healthy for a singlet, so why on earth would it be healthy for you?

#syscourse #did #other specified dissociative disorder #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #plural #system accountability #recovery

[paracosmicparadox]

So I've been seeing a lot of Nicky hate lately and I'm not a fan of it, so Nicky hype post here we go.

I feel like people tend to forget that, just like every other person on the team, Nicky had it rough before (and even during!) his time with the Foxes. Like, the whole deal with growing up in a non-accepting and homophobic family and still, despite everything, LOVING them and hoping endlessly that they'll accept him eventually bc they RAISED him; it's not that simple to just count to ten and stop loving the people who gave you life, and he struggles with the psychological effects of that. It's rough trying to balance family and religion and love and logic all at once when they each seem hellbent on destroying each other---that's a heavy fuckin' load to carry for anyone.

ALSO! He KNOWS what it's like to hit rock bottom; to hit hopelessness and yet continue to put in effort, bc no matter what, he holds onto the hope of better days. He came close to killing himself in high school, but after flying out to Germany, leaving his home-turned-hell behind, and meeting Erik, who cared about him for who he was and showed him an easier way to carry his troubles and balance the turmoils in his life without letting them pull him under, he realized how much light in the world there truly was to live for.

And then there were his cousins. Once he got word of Aaron and Andrew's situation, he left his sanctuary in Germany behind to go and pitch in a helping hand. (And somewhere in the series he confesses guilt over the fact that he hesitated before flying back to the city that had raised him on fear!! Like, babe, you were under NO OBLIGATION to do what you did for your family, but you DID IT ANYWAY OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF YOUR HEART!! No guilt necessary!!) Nicky practically handled the drama of his cousins' early life without Tilda singlehandedly. The deal with Aaron's locked-in-the-bathroom sobriety, Andrew's apathy and cynicism, the duo's general assholery (I love them too and I say this with fondness in my heart), BUYING AN ENTIRE HOUSE AND WORKING MULTIPLE JOBS TO KEEP HIMSELF AND HIS COUSINS AFLOAT LIKE JESUS FUCK. He's willing to do SO. MUCH. for the people he cares about, and yeah, maybe sometimes he gets carried away and doesn't know when to back off, and yeah, the scene in Columbia with Neil and the drugs Happened and was all-around bad, but bro doesn't deserve to get shredded by this fandom for it. He's so good inside, and while that doesn't mean pure (broski DEFINITELY isn't some pure-of-heart sunshine wizard like some people depict him), it does mean he deserves to be so much more than his mistakes. He's not perfect, but neither are any of the rest of the Foxes.

#whoops this kinda turned into an essay sorry #Seeing so much Nicky hate is genuinely upsetting #I could rant about each of my Foxes for hours if you let me #aftg #foxhole court #the foxhole court #all for the game #the foxes #nicky hemmick #aftg foxes #nicky hype

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

bigger than me - a close reading

first single, massive first impression. louis with the big sound and big ideas. CHANGE, one of the core themes of the album, thoroughly addressed, with a feeling of having conquered it. a lot of the album is louis telling others what he’s been figuring out for himself, so it often feels like he still is talking to himself, manifesting his words into being. time, and the changes it causes, is something he isn’t done working through, but he will most definitely stand his ground. and in the meantime we’ll scream along with him, that this world is bigger than any of us

faith in the future, track 3

LYRIC ANALYSIS

When somebody told me I would change I used to hide behind a smile When somebody told me I would change I was afraid I don't know why 'Cause so does the world outside I've realised

THEME comebacks: change + perspective

negative connotation/fear of change are gone now

“i’ve realised”: louis telling us the lessons he’s learned // “now i realise”, too young

<> “'cause everything's changed outside, but I feel the same inside”, change - realised that he changes just as much as his surroundings, sometimes you grow apart, but sometimes you grow together

I didn't read the signs Walking different lines I know I took a left Trying to make it right

ignored the warning signs - going against intuition, trying to be (multiple) things he was not - following others blindly // “I looked you in the eyes, saw that I was lost”, walls

still takes responsibility for his choices, for what happened - sometimes you make a decision and it’s not the right one

nice lil play on words there, always nice: left <> right

All of these voices All of these choices I don't hear them anymore Hear them anymore

“these voices”: he’s telling himself, more than anyone, that he won’t hear them anymore

the choices put on him were intense and frightening, because of the pressure that the results could cause - the changes they could cause // “don't know why they put all of this on us when we're so young”, we made it

voices telling him which direction to take, which has fucked him over time and again - he works hard to stick to his gut // “playing someone I heard I'm supposed to be”, habit // defenceless

When somebody told me I would change I used to hide behind a smile When somebody told me I would change I was afraid I don't know why 'Cause so does the world outside I've realised

And it's bigger than me It's bigger than me I've woken up from my sleep It's bigger than me It's bigger than me

PERSPECTIVE - he’s not stuck between the walls he built anymore, the circle around his heart is gone

“sleep”: he was sleepwalking through life, walking blindly - darkness // “sleeping on our problems”, defenceless

So come on call me a liar Yeah you're so quick to judge 'Cause yeah I might have changed But everybody does

standing his ground, calling out hypocrites - those who think change is a bad thing are the ones who are wrong, not the other way around

“judge” // “so fast to judge in error”, headline

we’re all the same! we all change! don’t act like you’re fucking different!

“bigger than me”: just focusing on myself and my own problems makes me forget i actually have influence on others - what i do in my life doesn’t only affect me

All of those voices all of those choices I don't hear them anymore Hear them anymore

voices have drifted into the background

Do you ever ask why It's not black and white How you sleep at night? when you're just like me 'Cause I feel alive Now I realise that the world outside Is bigger than me

“not black and white” // “good and bad and right and wrong (...) love and hate are in between”, face the music

those who judged him, limited him, the voices influencing him are confronted: you’re human, too, and you change, so why can’t i?

“when you’re just like me”: those voices trying to control him and make him go against his nature, his instinct, are the same as he is - queer people upholding homophobic standards in the industry

“alive” <> “sleep” - he’s burst out of his bubble, he’s part of the world again

SYNTHESIS

As first single, Bigger Than Me made it clear what the album was going to be about. It didn’t hint at the heavier sound that we can find on the album, focusing more on a cinematic sound, which is perfect to accompany the grand themes the song deals with. Once again, Louis sings about change, but this time it’s something he’s conquered, unlike in Change. He’s telling us very clearly: I’m not afraid anymore. He’s put it all into perspective, which is something he keeps doing on Faith in the Future. Making himself feel small, letting his problems shrink away in the grand scheme of things, helps him focus on what actually matters to him. Like the bridge in Change already revealed, and a bunch of his songs on Walls, he isn’t the quickest to let go of past heartache (ha), or processing his thoughts after something emotional happened.

When you gonna realize you don't get another life? Always overanalyze, what's the point? Oh, I know it'll be alright You've still got the rest of your life

This is Louis talking to himself, almost berating himself, and telling himself to let it go, already making himself put life in perspective, which is something he’s taken and put in a lot of the songs on Faith in the Future. After hearing Bigger Than Me, and the rest of the album, I think the choice to leave Change off the record was simply because that theme was one he’s grown up in. The song’s feelings are still there, but they’ve been worked on. Some of the elements, then, that he still struggles with come through in other songs, like in Holding on to Heartache.

He also makes it clear that he’s not better than anyone else, but especially that no one’s better than him. There have been so many people in his life trying to control him or bring him down, always making him feel like he couldn’t just be himself, which is something he’s now shaken/shaking off. He’s just Louis, a boy from Doncaster, trying to follow his heart, turn his mountains into gold, live a full life. And he’s realised he’s not alone in this struggle, because what he’s fighting for is something others fight for every day too, which is a realisation that has helped him keep going and feel alive. Even better: thanks to his fight, he makes the burden a little lighter for those who see him, which is again something that spurs him on. This is our fight.

#bigger than me #lyric analysis

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

"sudden interest" jimin has always been a football fan, both as a spectator and player. In the knowing brothers episode he also set the record of ball juggling I forget how many he got but it was a lot. Either the person is a new fan, or as 90% of people in this fandom they see jimin inside a box of their own creation, just a nice soft gay boy, who acts cute and does aegyo and only likes pretty things.

About his fashion sense. He's just following the overall trends, back then tight pants were the standard but now, to my demise, big and baggy pants made a comeback. Also he's probably more confortable just going out in comfy outfits instead of tight jeans that made him look like a whole meal but were for sure not comfortable for long flights. Back then they were still very much in the idol bubble and were just starting in america so I think all of them were "trying" more and are more relaxed now.

- sudden interest in football? does anon need a list of all the sports he’s played since he was a child? He even posted pics of his younger self at football matches and only butch queens wear plaid anon so technically he’s still gay right? lmfao

---

"to my demise, big and baggy pants made a comeback" I hate it too.

I had read that baggy pants are trendy right now in Korea, many people have said it. And I see it. I honestly don't know much about trends, much less in other countries, but yeah I have noticed the same.

He made some points. I feel represented.

I'm kidding 😸

Maybe some people don't really know, but Jungkook and Jimin are both the most sports-oriented BTS members. Jimin did kendo for 8 years. That's literally like, a third of his short life so far. He also has a black belt in taekwondo. The man can definitely throw a punch or kick a ball.

(This looks fake 😭 but he actually said something like that).

I feel like, apart from not knowing some stuff about Jimin, which is perfectly fine because nobody is obligated to know everything, there's also a huge difference in how younger lgbtq folks grow up.

When I was a kid (and Jimin was also one, we're the same age), we didn't grow up with sexuality at the center of our lives. Everyone grew up the same way, playing the same games, watching the same things. Maybe if there's someone younger reading this they won't get it, but people my age will probably know what I'm talking about, especially if they're from a third world country. Most kids, particularly those that live in countries where English is not the first language, we all grew up at a "slower" pace than kids in English speaking countries.

I only knew what bisexuality was in like 2004 because I saw a magazine headline or some gossip website about Angelina Jolie being bisexual. After that, the next time I remember of even seeing the word bisexual and actually learning what it meant, that was in 2009 thanks to lady Gaga. My sister was 8 and she already knew what the LGBTQ flag looked like, while I think I was around 15 when I started being familiar with the flag. That was crazy to me. It seriously was a wow moment to find out that she was so young and she already knew a lot of LGBTQ stuff I didn't know when I was her age.

"We live in a society" is a meme that I love because we really do live in a society. A huge part, the majority of how we grow up and develop and learn is conditioned by the society and culture we live in.

As much as kids activities aren't exactly "gendered" anymore, and some pockets of society are more accepting of girls playing football or boys doing ballet, and stuff like that, kids are also politically gay from very early on in life. I see a lot of kids in social media purposefully "rebelling" by doing things that are seen as wrong or that could irk homophobes. And they're so young. Most of us only became political gays in our 20s.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. I just sometimes read armys talking about gay people and it hits me that millennials really do have a somewhat different way of living their sexuality compared to younger kids. And talking about how can a gay man like football reminded me of that. The point is, I guess kids teens and young adults lives nowadays are crossed by their experience of their sexuality, and most grow up experiencing and living their sexuality to the max, whether is in real life or online. But 20 years ago that was not the case.

With the rise of social media culture, sexuality has even become something performative and so people expect other gay people to act in real life the same way gays act on their TikTok videos.

[lokisprettygirl]

As the days are going, I am becoming more and more miserable. I feel pity for myself. I don't have any friends in college as I can't fit in with them. The girls at my college are.... you know, more feminine than me, they are much more beautiful than me and their interests doesn't match with me. They think I'm too weird for loving Marvel, preferring action movies over romantic ones, they also don't like that I support LGBTQ+ community and their rights. The boys in my class are too mesmerized with themselves to notice anyone struggling, they also hate me for standing up for LGBTQ+. They are like "you're straight, right? Why do you support them?". Whenever I try to express my feelings or anxiety, they say I am an attention hungry person. Whenever something happens and I ask out of kindness that if something is not okay they say I am over reacting and when I am numb they say I am a heartless bitch. I always try to stay positive, I always think that I am better off alone, I don't need friends then, I am loneliest with no one to talk or to laugh with. I now don't feel like attending college anymore. My mental health is deteriorating.

I feel so bad for the ranting this to you. I so sorry for writing this to you. When I tell someone how I'm feeling makes me feel a little bit better but, I really now feel like the 'attention hungry bitch' as they say. I really wish sometimes that if I knew it would be better, I would be able to communicate or at least talk with you for hours and hours.

Thank you to both you and Loki for birthday wishes, it really made my day better that day. It made me smile after days.

❤️💚

Hello dear, I can tell because of the way you are feeling you are being too hard on yourself and trying to put yourself down which I won't let you do. You are beautiful inside out and you can't say someone is beautiful or more beautiful than you just because they look a certain way, beauty as cliche as it sounds comes from within, there are several good looking people who are miserable in life because they aren't good people, it all fades with time and the only thing that remains is how beautiful your character is and I can tell you are very beautiful so there can't be any arguments 🤗

The other thing is whatever you support is your call and as long as you're not hurting anyone nobody should make you feel awful about your choices, we live in India so im not surprised that people are being openly homophobic like that, we have not even accepted the kinnars in our society then forget about them being an ally for LGBTQ+, people think being born a certain way is something they have earned, no dumbass you just got lucky so next time they bother you just ask them to keep their shitty mouth shut. You don't need to communicate with such people trust me, when you'll get older you'll realise how petty those people are and they will never grow up, their world is so limited that they can't open up their pea sized brains, for people like you and me sky is the limit. Remember that.

Don't ever apologize to me dear, I'm so glad to have you here and I would like to support you the way you support me so never hesitate to vent and rant to me. As someone who doesn't have any close friend from past 5 years I can guarantee you that there's no drama in my life anymore and the loneliness does hurt once in a while but it's still better than being around toxic people. You're not attention hungry bitch..you're the girl that bullied her bully so never forget that my dear, I'm sending so much of love for you..stay strong..things get better I promise 💚

#asks #annoyingsweetsstranger

[sturmhondsdemjin]

Eight part one

O, fathers of my bloodline! O, ye kings of olde! Take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. If only you know the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.

Listen: I’ll fly to London right now and pull you out of whatever pointless meeting you’re in and make you admit how much you love it when I call you “baby.” I’ll take you apart with my teeth, sweetheart.

[…] Alex goes back to: The way you speak sometimes is like sugar spilling out of a bag with a hole in the bottom.

“You think y’all are off the hook for institutional bigotry because you come from a blue state. Not every white supremacist is a meth-head in Bumfuck, Mississippi―there are plenty of them at Duke or UPenn on Daddy’s money.”

WASPy Hunter looks startled but not convinced. “None of that changes that red states have been red forever,” he says, laughing like it’s something to joke about, “and none of those populations seem to care enough about what’s good for them to vote.”

“Maybe those populations might be more motivated to vote if we made an actual effort to campaign to them and showed them that we care, and how our platform is designed to help them, not leave them behind,” Alex says hotly. “Imagine if nobody who claims to have your interests at heart ever came to your state and tried to talk to you, man. Or if you were a felon, or―fucking voter ID laws, people who can’t access polls, who can’t leave work to get to one?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’d be great if we could magically mobilize every eligible marginalized voter in red states, but political campaigns have a finite amount of time and resources, and we have to prioritize based on projections.” WASPy Hunter says, as if Alex, First Son of the United States, is unfamiliar with how campaigns work. “There just aren’t the same number of bigots in blue states. If they don’t want to be left behind, maybe people in red states should do something about it.”

And Alex has, quite frankly, had it.

“Did you forget that you’re working on the campaign of someone Texas fucking created?” he says, and his voice has officially risen to the point where staffers in the neighboring cubicles are staring, but he doesn’t care. “Why don’t we talk about how there’s a chapter of the Klan in every state? You think there aren’t racists and homophobes growing up in Vermont? Man, I appreciate that you’re doing work here, but you’re not special. You don’t get to sit up here and pretend like it’s someone else’s problem. None of us do.”

The invitation comes certified airmail straight from Buckingham Palace. Gilded edges, spindly calligraphy: THE CHAIRMAN AND COMMITTEE OF MANAGEMENT OF THE CHAMPIONSHIPS REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF THE COMPANY OF ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ IN THE ROYAL BOX ON THE 6TH OF JULY, 2020.

Alex takes a picture and texts it to Henry.

1. tf is this? aren’t there poor people in your country?

2. I’ve already been in the royal box

Henry sends back, You are a delinquent and a plague, and then, Please come?

And it should be―it should be funny. It should be hot, stupid, ridiculous, obscene, another wild sexual adventure to add to the list. And it is, but … it shouldn’t also feel like the first time, like Alex might die if it ever stops. There’s a laugh in his mouth, but it won’t get past his tongue, because he knows this is him helping Henry get through something. Rebellion.

You’re brave. I could use some of that.

#sturmhond reads #red white and royal blue #history huh? bet we could make some (book) #cornbread knows what i have done (book)

[musesgarden]

Musings about family

With the upcoming Christmas holidays upon us, I think a good bit about family. I think about my own family: hoping my oldest brother who has struggled for years with drug addiction has a safe and warm place to sleep; hoping my second oldest brother has a happy holiday with his sweet husband, even though they have gone NC with most of our homophobic family; hoping my mom can make it through another Christmas without me getting a call that she's allowed her alcoholism to ruin her liver and she's dying; hoping my two younger nonbinary siblings are doing okay as they step into the beginnings of adulthood while struggling with self identity and families that don't support their lifestyles. Hoping that my dad is immensely and deliriously happy in whatever afterlife awaited him when he passed away when I was three. Christmas isn't always the happiest time of year when considering my family, but it helps me to reflect on where I came from in order to appreciate where I am now.

My fiance (henceforth who will be referred to as Thorn) has family struggles as well. Both his parents are elderly. His mother is terribly sweet, but can sometimes make life incredibly difficult with her hypochondria. His dad is a very kind and generous man, but definitely rough around the edges, a bit prone to other peoples' bad energy, and struggling to keep up with the lifestyle he wants (fishing, hunting,socializing) while his health and strength are declining due to age. Overall though, I adore Thorn's family.

This makes me stop and consider other people out there, and how their life is during the holidays. I know I certainly don't have the absolute worst life ever, but it hasn't always been sunshine and roses. I don't feel we as human beings should diminish our own personal sufferings simply because "there are starving children in Africa!!" and other justifications. It's entirely acceptable to allow yourself solitude to reflect on how your situation is, if it's something as simple as "my sister stole my favorite dress to wear to the Christmas party!" to "I'm an orphan living on the streets and it's supposed to snow tomorrow". Obviously in the grand scheme of things the orphan has it much worse, but in the sister's situation, all the misery she knows is her sister stealing her dress.

My point here is, the holidays can sometimes be a terribly sad time of year for some people. For me, it's more of a wistful sadness that comes from knowing my childhood wasn't terribly happy, and I missed out on some of that Christmas magic some kids got to freely enjoy. It isn't terrible to reflect, acknowledge, and accept that fact. But don't allow yourself to wallow in it. I may not have had the happiest Christmases growing up, but with Thorn's family, I feel love and warmth during the holiday, even as most of my family forgets to even bother calling. I have a beautiful daughter turning seven shortly after Christmas and I'm so excited to get to see her opening all her presents for Christmas and for her birthday. Her father and I are finally (hopefully) on much better terms now and he was kind enough to wrap all the gifts I sent our kiddo.

It's cathartic, maybe even a little good for our souls, to have a little melancholy during one of the supposed happiest times of the year. We reflect back on how things were, how things are now, how things will be in the future, much like Scrooge from A Christmas Carol. It's okay to be a little sad sometimes, to feel a bit down, but don't let it eat you alive. Count your gratitudes, recognize what you have in life that's good, even if it's something as simple as my rambling post reaching your phone/computer and wishing you a wonderful holiday. The more you begin to acknowledge what you have in life to be grateful for, the more you will lift yourself out of the fog, the rainy clouds will clear. It isn't easy, by a long shot, but it helps to have a friend at your side cheering you on. If no one else, consider me that friend, and I will always be here to say you can do it. You've got this. If you can't smile, try at least to imagine the sun on your face. If you need to cry, my cheap cotton sweater will hold up just fine to your tears. And if you need to just scream to let it all out, I've got some cool noise canceling headphones so I don't go deaf, and I'll make you some honey lemon tea for your throat after.

I wish all of you the happiest of holidays this year, and remember that sometimes, family can be the family you chose over the family you were born into. If you've got no one, I'll be right here for you. Merry Christmas/HappyYule.

[bananonbinary]

just saw a “period typical homophobia” tag on a fic set in the early 2000s and like...you arent wrong but jesus things changed fast huh

#sometimes i forget how much more homophobic it was when i was growing up #how the fuck did we go from 'being gay is mostly illegal' to rainbow capitalism this fast #i mean the us is still homophobic as hell but its SO different than it was just 15 years ago

[uraveragelonelygay]

Piglet’s House

(Masterlist)

Welcome to my masterlist! Here you will find everything that I’ve ever written! I hope you enjoy!

last updated: 1/31/2022

Marvel

Wanda Maximoff

Another Love- You meet Wanda at a grief group, as she’s struggling to heal after Vision’s death. Will you help her heal? Will your friendship grow into something more?

Under the Weather- You’re not feeling the greatest, but your girlfriend is there to nurse you back to health.

A Happy Ending- Wanda has to choose between you and Vision. But will she make the right choice?

Natasha Romanoff

Keep You Warm- You are stuck in a freezing cold safe-house in Alaska, but luckily Nat is there to provide you with some warmth.

Not a Monster- After coming home from Wakanda, you meet a certain red head recovering from rejection and show her she’s capable of being loved.

Rocky Road- After Bruce disappears, abandoning Nat, you help put the pieces of her broken heart back together. When Bruce comes back from Ragnarok and professes his love for Nat, will she reject him? Or will she break your heart and run back into his arms?

No More Hiding- You’re a super soldier fresh out of the ice, so it’s your first pride month. And you get to spend it with your girlfriend.

Enough- After Wanda cheats on you, you’re heartbroken. Luckily Nat is there to pick up the pieces.

Yelena Belova

Always- You have a nightmare about your days in the Red Room, but Yelena is there to comfort you.

Gamora

Shuri

Maria Hill

Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff x reader

Proud- After a not so pleasant dinner with your homophobic mother, your girlfriends are there to give you the support you need.

When They Remembered- Wanda and Nat forget your birthday. But will they remember before it’s too late?

          Part 2

Take Care of You- You’re sick, but luckily your girlfriends are there to help.

Deserve- Sometimes your doubts and insecurities become too much to handle. But your girlfriends will always be there to remind you how much you mean to them.

Invisible- You feel invisible, and your powers don’t help with that fact. Can two redheads and a team of superheroes change that feeling?

Wanda Maximoff x Yelena Belova x reader

Starting Anew- You lost your mom. Yelena and Wanda lost a mentor figure. But can something good come from all this loss?

Kate Bishop x Yelena Belova x Reader

Festivities- Yelena has never had a normal Christmas before. Time for her girlfriends to give her the best one yet!

Soteria- You struggle with being kept a secret by the team and the insecurities of not being good enough. After a hostage situation, your girlfriends reassure you of your worth.

The Wilds

Shelby Goodkind

Toni Shalifoe

Victorious

Jade West

#masterlist #marvel masterlist #wanda maximoff x fem reader #natasha romanoff x reader #harry potter imagine #wandanat x reader #gamora #shuri x reader #maria hill x reader #yelena belova x reader

[therandomfandomme]

"Sometimes I really hate Americans"

that is the post I wanted to make yesterday in the middle of the night, but that is not true. I don't hate Americans, I do not know many of them, but you seem okay and I have nothing against you.

It's just that I'm tired.

I'm tired of the us-centric view the internet holds and how it sometimes seems that the USA forgets the rest of the world exists or is not also the USA but then in a different spot.

While the USA has made itself important, the world isn't all centered around it. You're problems might not be my problems and my problems might not be yours.

I know that as I make this post, I make it from a place of privilege.

I am not black, nor islamic, nor jewish, nor Roma, nor disabled. I live in West Europe, my parents are middle class and they are fully supportive of my queerness.

So I cannot make appeals on their part and I know their struggles are global, so in the USA as well as in Europe and the rest of the world we need activism for them, and I'm not trying to undermine them.

I'm also not saying that none of the USA's problems are relevant here, but I am saying that the USA's problems are more advertised everywhere. Like how I know so much about Stone Wall and hardly anything about how I got my rights, to the point that Pride overtakes those voices that fought for me.

In the years 2016-2020 I saw the US president more than my own prime minister, even in the pandamic. I know more about USA politics than those in my own country and I can argue more for changes in America than here.

And it is good that those problems are being talked about. I love learning about what I can do to help and it's good to educate yourself. It's just that American activism isn't something each country can import.

I know that if I make an awareness post for an American issue it will get more attention than if I post about the leader of our growing fascist party comparing his racists and homophobic texts with saying you dislike snow while you actually like snow.

I know that it's harder to start up conversations about the prejudice in west Europe about eastern Europe even though the word slave most likely comes from Slav due to the amount of slaves captured from there during the Carolingian era. And the cold war had a massive impact on the relationship between the two sides, not just between Russia and America.

I know the Wall was a big thing and what's happening on the border betweenthe USA and Mexico is terrible, but I see post that romanticise European borders, completely ignoring how Europe is trying to keep out so many people who are fleeing from wars we contributed to.

I know that smaller issues in America get more attention than bigger issues elsewhere, a gap that is more apparent when it's not an European country.

That's just how it is.

But that's not how it should be.

This post is not made for you to feel guilty, you are watching out for yourselves in an environment catered to you.

However, this post is meant as a call to every American. A call to ask yourself: am I as educated about the issues of other countries as I expect them to be of mine? Do I assume people are American? Will I be less invested in the issues when they're not American?

It's not your fault for your mindset, but I have had so much stress over American politics on top of my worries about my own country and I would like Americans to realize that their issues get highlighted more than others.

We don't make Americans are dumb jokes because we think that, but just because your mistakes get the most attention.

Just be kind and look to help others, I think that's what I want to motto of this post to be. Be kind and advocate for everyone, everywhere

TL;DR: The internet is an us-centric place and that can be kind of annoying when not American. Try to think of your non-American neighbors on this platform and learn about their issues too :D

#politics #america #america centric #us centric #usa #i do not know how to tag this to reach people #but i will try #activism #lgbt activism #immigrants #boost #is that a good tag? #idk #i don't want to tag things such as blm bc theyre tag is important #and I don't want to swap it #feminism #equality #europe #all that jazz #just don't think of just america

[a-dragons-journal]

Hi! I was scrolling through the otherkin tag (as one does) and saw on an ask you answered that you hated DNIs and didn’t want to go into it on that ask. So I’m curious now- why do you hate DNIs? I don’t have a DNI, and I’m not out to try and change your mind. I’ve just never seen anyone say outright that they didn’t like DNIs, so I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

I ended up indeed going into it later, because people kept sending in asks about it, so this tag exists now, but in summary:

- I don't necessarily hate the existence of DNIs, because they can be a useful tool in certain circumstances, but I hate that they're starting to become an expectation/requirement and that it's now considered "creepy/suspicious" in a growing number of communities to not have one. It should not be an obligation to basically list your political stances, discourse opinions, and triggers - you know, things you can be attacked for/people can use to hurt you - in any circumstance, least of all on the Internet where anyone can see it.

- For that matter, putting a list of things that can hurt you in public where anyone can see it and know exactly how to target you if they want to hurt/harass you is a bad idea, whether it's a social requirement or not. Full stop. Unless you are in a relatively small group where you know the intentions of the people there (and often not even then!), it is not a good idea to tell people how to effectively hurt you on the Internet.

- I hate it when people put "[x bigoted group] DNI" at the bottom of actual discussion-type content posts (as opposed to, like, aesthetics and stuff), such as people putting "TERFs DNI" at the bottom of posts about feminism, because a) if you're worried about your post appealing to that group, maybe you should reexamine your post's content, b) I've seen firsthand more than once that those groups, TERFs especially, will purposely put "[x] DNI" at the bottom of their crypto-rhetoric posts in order to turn people's critical thinking skills off and make them more likely to accept the crypto rhetoric (foot-in-the-door tactic), and c) even if it's not intentionally malicious like the last point, it still makes it so the OP's post is suddenly immune to criticism, because "hey this comes off a little transphobic" can be met with "how dare you call me a transphobe?? I said 'TERFs DNI' right there!!1!", which, again, has to do with the whole "turning people's critical thinking skills off" problem.

- On a similar note, I hate this recent trend toward performative activism and "racists/transphobes/homophobes/etc. DNI!1!" feels like another permutation of that; I don’t like people demanding/expecting me to announce all my political opinions right out the gate. It should be my decision whether or not I want to share sensitive information about myself (and if you’re scoffing at the idea of a political opinion being “sensitive information” - if it can get you, again, harassed and attacked by a complete stranger, it’s sensitive information).

- People seem to forget that people can, will, and do lie on their DNIs and bios. Predators will lie about being "under 18” in order to make minors they’re interacting with feel safe and let their guard down. TERFs will lie about “transphobes DNI!” to ensure their crypto rhetoric spreads and gets a foot in the door of trans-supporting people’s thought processes. All “it’s to let the people affected by [bigotry] know I’m safe,” which is something I hear sometimes, really means is that the bigot in question only has to put up a DNI to make the people they’re planning to target lower their guard. There is nothing guaranteeing that someone actually believes what their DNI implies they believe. It’s an illusion of safety that just doesn’t - and, really, can’t - exist on the internet, by the internet’s nature. And people thinking they’re safer than they really are is what gets people hurt because they stopped being careful. I’m not saying people need to (or should) live in fear, but relying on DNIs is not a sustainable solution, imho.

- I hate people using DNIs/BYFs as an alternative to blocklists because it often becomes essentially them forcing other people to curate their internet experience for them, and then getting mad (or hurt) when that doesn't work out for reasons that should be obvious. Especially when you take it to the extreme of trying to regulate anyone who reblogs your posts, which I have seen sometimes - you can't seriously expect people to check the OP of every single person whose post they reblog to make sure they agree with your opinions on fandom discourse; that's untenable and it can only lead to people getting hurt. You are the only person who is - and the only person who can be - responsible for your internet experience. Curate your own space.

- as a minor point, "standard DNI criteria" is becoming a popular phrase and it's frankly a useless phrase because there's no such thing. Beyond "racists/homophobes/transphobes" there's literally no telling what a given person includes in what's "standard" - pro- or anti-ship? SFW agereg/petreg blogs? DDLG? Steven Universe fans? inclusionists or exclusionists? There is no "standard." (But then, I feel like how common that phrase is becoming says something about exactly how performative and empty the trend of DNIs is as a whole at this point in time.)

- also as a minor point, I am frankly just not a fan of how often DNIs put things like "Steven Universe fan" and "neonazi" right next to each other like they're the same level of bad. I recognize consciously that this is not the intention, but it sure does come off that way sometimes. It reminds me a bit too much of those callout posts that have six pages about the person's bad opinions on anime or whatever and only then go "oh yeah and also they sexually abused, threatened, and sent their friends to harass a minor and we have screenshot evidence of all of that. anyway here's three more pages about why their art is bad because they drew a 16-year-old in a crop top one time".

And, let me be very clear here: I do not hate people who have DNIs, nor do I want to act like they're never useful. They are, sometimes! But I do feel they're being misused and they're starting to become an expectation and that's a huge problem, for the same reason that people trying to force everyone to put their age/basic personal information in their bios is a problem - it's a safety concern. I am honestly convinced that at this point, in most circumstances, DNIs are doing more harm than good.

If you want to use a DNI, that's up to you, and it's not like I'm gonna harass people about it ('s why I started that "dni critical" tag, so people could who don't want to read this stuff could avoid it) - but I want people to at least understand the risks they're taking depending on how they go about it. If it's useful to you, then good, I'm genuinely glad! It just concerns me how it's being treated by the larger Internet right now.

(And, of course, that's all just my personal subjective opinion - take what you like, leave what you don't. You're more than welcome to disagree with me; this is not a make-or-break argument for me, just one I have strong feelings about xD)

#dni critical #rani talks #asked and answered #dragons-singing-softly #that was probably more of a soapbox than you bargained for sorry fbdklgjsf #do not @ me about my fandom examples i just grabbed random controversial ones off the top of my head #if that's what you prioritize out of this whole post you have entirely missed the point

[sevlgi]

i think i love you

requested: no

group: red velvet

pairing: yeri x fem!reader (feat irene)

genre: fluff, angst

contents: unrequited love, sad christmases. 

warnings: none

synopsis: One time you said it to the wrong person, three times you couldn’t say it aloud, and the last time you ever needed to be sorry for loving someone.

a/n: i hope you enjoy, and have yourself a very merry christmas 💖i may or may not be projecting with this fic, so uh... ignore that.

word count: 4.2k

“Oh come on, come on, come on!”

You panted harder than you ever had before as you ran through the train station, feet thudding against the ground in a way that wasn’t graceful in the slightest. Your knuckles where white with how you clutched your car keys in your hand, and your eyes scanned the station for the petite figure you were looking for.

To your dismay, not a single person had the dark waves cascading down their back, nor the peachy sweater and jeans that you remembered Joohyun to be wearing when she left the apartment. There wasn’t a white Chanel bag in sight, and certainly no unfairly beautiful face either.

But there-- a couple feet ahead of you, the same outfit you remembered, or at least a similar one. A white bag, a petite figure growing closer and closer as you ran closer at top speed.

And a collision, an unflattering “oof” escaping you as you hit the person you believed to be your crush of years. “I think I love you,” you blurted without even seeing Joohyun’s face, stumbling back when the girl who turned back was decidedly not her.

Had you not been so hung up on the older girl, you would’ve realized that the body you collided with was just as beautiful, that the smile on the stranger’s face was just as charming. “Uh. Wrong person?” she offered, cocking her head.

All of a sudden, you realized that her hair was too short, too straight to be Joohyun. She was probably a bit shorter, and her sweater wasn’t peach at all, more of a light pink color. “I-- I am so sorry,” you gasped, ducking down in a bow. “Oh my god, I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“I figured,” the stranger laughed. “Joohyun. That’s a girl’s name, isn’t it?”

When you hesitated to answer, apprehension about Korea’s conservative history obviously showing in your expression, she reassured you with her hands held up in the air, “I’m not homophobic, promise. Won’t jump you.”

“Yeah. She’s-- well. I love her.”

Rather than responding, she held her hand out to you to shake, fingers warm and surprisingly strong against yours. “Cool. I’m Yerim, but a lot of my friends just call me Yeri.”

“Yeri. Got it.” You attempted to smile back, still fearing that Yeri would hit you back or something. (Okay, unrealistic, but you had expected a K-drama moment with your crush in the train station. You were born unrealistic.) “Uh, I’m Y/N.”

Yeri nodded, checking her phone with a nonchalance that lead you to think that strangers hit her and confessed their love to her on the daily. “Right. Hey, could I ask you a favor? You can totally say no.”

There was no way you could refuse a chance to assuage your own guilt, and you didn’t really want to chase after Joohyun when her train was probably already gone, so you shrugged. “Sure, give it a shot.”

The girl smiled, nodding at the keys still fisted in your hand. “Could you drive me somewhere? I’d ask my friend, but I don’t really trust her to drive.”

“You’d rather go with a possible murderer than ask your friend to drive you?” you joked, face blanching when you realized what it implied. “I’m not-- that was a joke, by the way. I’m not a murderer.”

“If you knew Seulgi, you’d understand,” Yeri snickered, tugging her bag behind her in the direction that you came from. “So, is that a yes?”

It wasn’t smart-- that much was obvious. The smart thing to do would’ve been to call Joohyun before she left the station, to beg her to come back instead of letting her leave with a hatred for you permanently instilled into her heart. But smart was never your forte.

You jogged over to Yeri, pulling her in the actual direction of your car with a grin and an offer to pull her luggage for her. “It’s this way.”

Driving a random stranger home from the only train station in town shouldn’t have resulted in anything. You should’ve just dropped her off at the house she was staying at for the rest of the year, then driven off to moan about your terrible luck in love to Sooyoung.

But instead, Yeri didn’t close the door of the car immediately, peering inside at you with the curious smile on her face that you’d come to like over the 30-minute car ride. “Well? Are you coming? Seulgi wants to vet you.”

“Uh. Sure.” You locked the car behind you, hefting up the girl’s remaining luggage as the front door swung open, another girl rushing out to hug Yeri fiercely.

“Yerim, you little shit! How could you just ask a stranger to drive you home instead of me?” she whined, pouting down at the grinning girl you’d driven home. Seulgi, you assumed, was pretty-- unique monolids, wispy bangs, and a full mouth setting her apart from most girls you tended to see in your hometown. 

“In my defense, you’re a horrible driver, unnie,” Yeri answered, prying herself out of Seulgi’s grip. She beckoned you over, taking the suitcase from your hands with a grunt. “Seulgi unnie, Y/N. Y/N, Seulgi unnie. Oh. I don’t know if she’s an unnie for you...” she frowned.

You half-expected Seulgi to maim you (again, unrealistic), but she tugged you into a hug that could’ve easily cracked a rib or two. “Thank you for driving Yeri home,” she smiled when she pulled away. “I’m offended on her comments about my driving skills, but that’s not your fault. Come in?”

Going inside for a cup of coffee ended up being about 5 hours of playing video games with the two girls, and laughing harder than you had for a good year or so. Indeed, it was the most you’d forgotten about Joohyun for a while, and it would be a lie to say that it wasn’t a relief.

You only came back to Earth when Sooyoung called you in a panic. “Y/N, Joohyun said that she’s already back in Daegu. You didn’t stop her?”

“Oh.” You glanced back to Seulgi and Yeri, hitting each other with the remote controls on the couch as Mario Kart’s winning page played triumphant music. “I... I didn’t get to her in time. I’m sorry.”

Sooyoung sighed over the line, voice tinny. “Don’t be sorry. Joohyun’s always been stubborn. Did you at least get to tell her? You know, that you lo--”

“I didn’t,” you cut your best friend off, lips thinning. You didn’t want to think about Joohyun or her rejection of your feelings, not when it had been the only thing on your mind for a good couple of years. “Sorry, Sooyoung. I gotta go, but I’ll be home soon.”

Without giving her a chance to speak, you hung up. It wasn’t her fault, of course, but it got annoying sometimes to be constantly reminded that you had to be honest sometime in your life. “I think I should go,” you smiled sheepishly at Yeri, tucking your phone away. “But thank you for today.”

“Hey, gimme that,” she suddenly called, reaching for your phone. Confused, you handed the unlocked device to her. “Okay, I’m saving myself as Yeri. You better not forget my name, because I’m texting you,” she warned, smiling wide when she handed it back.

A surprisingly genuine smile was directed at her as you accepted your phone, now with a cute selfie of Yeri as the profile picture of a brand new contact. Bowing to Seulgi, you grabbed your bag from the rack by the door. “See you soon, I guess?”

“Bye, Y/N!” the oldest girl called out, waving excitedly all the way until the front door locked behind you.

Taking a deep breath of cold night air, you pressed your fingers to your sternum to try and quell the beats of your heart. As you unlocked the door to your car and slid into an icy driver’s seat, you were hit with the longing to go back, back inside a warm living room filled with the laughter of two people who had no business being so welcoming towards you. 

But you turned the key and switched the radio to a loud song that echoed inside the vehicle when you drove away. There was no warmth in your life, as you had to remind yourself, and you couldn’t get used to any, in case it made you let go of the only person you held close.

It seemed that Yeri existed purely to shock you, as you were pleasantly surprised by her call a week following the strangest occurrence of your life. 

For the first silent week, you were oddly disappointed that she didn’t contact you. Some lingering hope for friendship, you assumed, was behind it all, and you did your best to brush it aside at work. You didn’t tell Sooyoung about Yeri’s existence at all, for fear that it’d backfire on you when she ultimately left you alone.

Instead, she called you in the middle of grocery shopping. “Hello?” you frowned, holding the phone to your ear without checking the caller name.

“Y/N! Did I catch you at a bad time?” Yeri asked, voice just as cheery as you remembered it to be. It was odd how much just hearing her made you perk up.

“Oh, not at all.” You set a bag of chips down and switched ears, moving to a quieter section of the supermarket. “What’s up?”

Yeri hummed slightly, rustling around. “Well, I was going to ask if you’re up for a movie night. I’m bored today, and Seulgi’s off visiting her girlfriend. Do you have anything to do?”

Movie nights reminded you of being a teenager, watching dumb movies off the internet with your friends and shrieking at kiss scenes. Suffice to say, you missed it, and Yeri seemed like the perfect person to forget about all responsibilities with. “Nothing at all,” you grinned, heading towards the alcohol section. “By the way, what kind of wine do you like?”

“I hate the Titanic,” Yeri sniffled, popping another handful of popcorn into her mouth. “Jack’s stupid. Rose should find a wife and live happily ever after.”

“A wife?” you laughed, rolling over just to shove the girl. “In that time period? Unrealistic, Yerim, settle for bondage like the rest of us.”

She pouted, tilting her head to face you as well. The slight smell of alcohol on her breath mingled spicy-sweet with sugared popcorn, her flawless skin flushed pink. “Come on, don’t deny you want Rose to get a pretty wife too.”

You rolled your eyes, looking up at Rose hanging onto her board again. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“If I were Rose and you were Jack, I’d save you,” Yeri promised with a laugh, grinning when you looked at her with an incredulous look on your face. “I’m serious! Come on, the both of us could easily fit on that stupid board.”

“It’d sink,” you protested. “Didn’t you say you were good at math and stuff?”

“Math,” she pointed at the screen, “has nothing to do with gay expectations of movies.”

When she laid her head back down, under the makeshift blanket fort you’d made together to ward against the night’s chilliness, her nose almost brushed up against yours, Yeri’s eyes sparkling with the light from Seulgi’s flatscreen TV. “You’re right again,” you admitted just to stop staring at the other girl, flipping onto your stomach to watch the movie. “You’re right.”

It should’ve been awkward, but the girl just grappled for her phone, earning a kick from you when the screen was too bright in a pitch black room. “I want takeout. Are you with me or against me, Y/N?”

You suffocated her with a pillow, snatching the phone to set your own order. “Depends. Are you going to steal my fried chicken?” you demanded, laughing when Yeri smacked you with the pillow herself. “Answer the question!”

“You pay, and I won’t,” she promised, holding her arms up to protect her head. “Oh, it’s on!”

When you collapsed under the half-collapsed blanket fort, sweaty with an order of fried chicken displayed on Yeri’s phone screen and the credits to Titanic rolling, you felt a phrase on your tongue that you hadn’t said since the train station. When Yeri smiled at you, you felt your lips parting to let the words out, and you felt your hand clamping over the 5 words you had already told her by mistake.

It was too fast, too intense to be real. Unlike the 5 years it had taken you to realize you loved Joohyun, it took two hangouts and one chaotic car ride for you to feel something that could burn you up from the inside if you weren’t careful.

I think I love you.

“I hope you like kimbap, because I am the Kimbap Destroyer!”

You chuckled as you shut the door to the apartment you shared with Sooyoung, said roommate nowhere to be found as a crash sounded from your kitchen. “How’d you get in, Yeri? Picked the lock?”

The girl appeared with rice-sticky gloves still on, freshly dyed hair tied up in a ponytail for cleanliness. “Joy let me in on her way out. Is that her real name, by the way?” she asked, returning to the kimbap rolls laid out on your counter. “She’s really pretty.”

“Hey, no simping for my roommate,” you protested, something bubbling at the back of your throat despite Yeri’s joking tone. You hugged her from behind as you knew she liked it, reaching over to snack on some of the extra seaweed. “Besides, isn’t she too old for you?”

“Says you, in love with a girl years older,” Yeri protested. When you fell silent, though, she winced at her own insensitiveness. “I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have joked like that.”

You shrugged it off, peeling your work jacket off. “No problem. I should be over her by now anyway, she hasn’t talked to me or Sooyoung since the train station. Months. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about me.”

Yeri frowned at that, staring at the back of your head as you looked out the kitchen window. “Hey. You know that isn’t true. And if it was, I’ll have you know that plenty of people care about you. Me, Joy, Seulgi, and all of your friends.”

Turning around with a grin on your face that didn’t convince the other girl for a second, you slung your arm around her shoulders. “Wow, Kim Yerim, when did this turn into soft hours? Love you too~”

She let the subject go, throwing a leftover radish stick at you. “Is it time for love already? You’ve only known me for four months, do you always move this fast?”

No, you wanted to respond. No, I usually take years. But you’re an exception, a stupid exception that’s wormed your way into my heart.

Putting Yeri into a halfhearted headlock, you joked, “I’m basically a U-Haul lesbian. By this time, I expected us to already have kids, or at least a cat or two.”

Once she kicked you away, though, you felt the smile on your face falter, looking at this random girl who made you care about her so much making kimbap in your kitchen.

I think I love you.

You swayed at a side to fend from the December wind, hands stuffed deep into your coat pockets as Seulgi hung onto Yeri. Standing just a few feet away, Wendy and Sooyoung talked quietly, smiling at the sight of their friends.

It shouldn’t have been a somber occasion in any way; all that was happening was Yeri flying back home to spend the winter holidays with her family. But somehow, it was like the end of the world, Seulgi still talking in Yeri’s ear as you waited for your own turn. 

“Go on, Y/N,” Seulgi urged, shivering in the windbreaker she wore. Her girlfriend enveloped her in a hug, Wendy’s petite frame making the sight almost comical. “Say goodbye.”

“She isn’t going off to the military,” you laughed, making your way over anyway. Yeri held her arms out for a hug, her hair whipping around like a tornado around her. Despite your words, you accepted the embrace, gloved hands lingering on the small of her back as you buried your nose into her shoulder. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Yeri giggled, twisting back and forth to make the hug a little less serious. “Like you said, I’m not going off to the military. I’ll be back before you know it, though I am sad that I don’t get to spend Christmas with you and our friends this year.”

“Mm.” You didn’t want to let go, and thankfully, Yeri didn’t mind, her humming vibrating through your body. “You have a good time with your sisters. Eat something nice, spend time with your family, and have fun.”

“Why do you sound sad?” she whispered in your ear, lips brushing against the sensitive skin. “I told you, I’ll be back before you know it.”

When you pulled away, you were struck with the sight of her, nose cherry red in the icy Seoul weather. The cloudy sky was a good lighting for her, though Yeri would look beautiful in any setting, and the look in her eyes stirred something sweet deep in your heart. “I know,” you sighed, bringing your hands up to your nose for warmth.

“Is there something you wanna say to me?” Yeri asked, wetting her lips slightly.

And of course, the answer was yes. After just a couple months of friendship, you already wanted to ruin it with that treacherous heart of yours, wanted to press your mouth to hers and thank her for all the unwarranted kindness she showed you. But you shook your head, stepping back to allow Seulgi to hug Yeri one more time before you had to leave.

She walked backwards into the airport just to wave to you, the grin on her face never fading. Sooyoung linked her arm in yours to tug you away when it was time, whispering, “Are you sure there isn’t something you wanted to say?”

I think I love you.

“I’m sure,” you sighed, breath forming a white dragon before your face. “I’m sure.”

Christmas stopped being fun for you at age 10, from what you remembered.

As soon as you became aware that Santa Claus was a lie, the holiday changed from being the most magical time of year to a 2 week break from school, or work, or both. It became the time to miss your family, to miss the childhood that wasn’t great but was a million times better than your adult life.

Joohyun was the one to make the holidays better ever since you met her. She was always able to somehow lighten the mood with a ticket to Lotte World, or a freshly baked gingerbread house for you to decorate and then smash. She hated making snow angels but always participated, tossing snow at you just to see that bright smile on your face.

But last year, that all changed. Last year, as soon as Joohyun knew that you felt something for her other than friendship, everything you built together crumbled down.

It was nothing against the fact that you were both girls; Joohyun had had girlfriends before, and she was always the one pushing you to date and get out of your comfort zone. However, for some reason, she couldn’t even contemplate the thought of being with you romantically.

She ran away that year, too, left you alone in your tiny, cold apartment during what was once again the worst time of year. She went back to her sister’s restaurant in Daegu, and came back after New Year’s like nothing changed. But of course it did; your friendship was irreparable, torn to pieces just like your heart. As the awkwardness between you stretched both of you thin, she completely moved out, switching roommates with Sooyoung before declaring that she was moving back to Daegu for good.

Christmas was even more ruined for you than it ever had been, and the only reason you still put up a Christmas tree was for Sooyoung, who still enjoyed the holiday. Your roommate was the only reason that a tree twinkled in the corner of the room, right next to the TV that played a stupid Hallmark movie in the middle of the night.

You expected for her to never come back. Why would she, after all? With her beautiful face and perfect personality, she could easy find someone new. A girl who possessed all the good qualities you didn’t have, a girl who lacked all the bad qualities you did have.

Nevertheless, when you heard a familiar knocking pattern on your apartment door, you knew who it was. And you knew that you didn’t have to get up from the couch to unlock the door for the former owner of the apartment, knew that you didn’t have to see her face to start crying.

“Y/N?”

“Joohyun,” you responded listlessly, not bothering to turn around as you heard the front door shut softly. “You’re back.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, appearing just as beautiful in your peripheral vision. God, you hated how your lungs seized at the sound of her voice, how many memories you could recall. “I’m so sorry for leaving you behind, and for making you feel... like this.”

Spite fueled you to raise an eyebrow, turning back to face her in the hopes that it pained her as much as it did you. “Sooyoung told you?” At the older girl’s nod, you scoffed, “She had no right to do that.”

“I’m glad she did,” Joohyun persuaded, sitting closer to you on the couch and only stopping at your glare. “Y/N, it’s wrong that I led you on. And I regret every bit of it, especially now that I know how much you’ve hurt.”

“Hurt?” You brought a trembling hand up to rake through your hair, shaking your head. “That’s undermining it. Joohyun, I loved you. And I tried to tell you that, but you wouldn’t let me. It’s too late to-- you can’t just come back into my life like this. I won’t let you.”

She flinched back as if you had slapped her, her hand withdrawing from where it had been trying to touch you. “I-- Y/N. That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” you shouted suddenly, springing up. “You’re the one who isn’t fair. You left in June, but you’ve been gone for a year. And I don’t love you anymore!”

“That’s a lie, and you know it,” Joohyun answered back, softer than she had ever spoken before. She searched your eyes for an answer, biting her lip when she found none. “Isn’t it?”

“No.” Your voice was stronger than hers, a firm wall in front of your heart that wouldn’t let her in no matter what. And when no lie rung in your ears, you repeated, “It’s not a lie. You left me, and you can’t expect me to still love you, Joohyun. I love someone else now, someone who-- someone who wouldn’t hurt me like you.”

And to your surprise, the girl smiled. Tearily, but she smiled nonetheless, gathering her jacket from the back of the couch. “I see. Well, I... I’m glad that you found someone to mend your heart. I never wanted to hurt you, and I hope you’ll see that someday.”

Just like that, she was gone again, a whisper of her perfume the last thing fueling the rage burning in your lungs. Just like that, it was like she was never in the apartment at all, the space once again cold and empty.

Snatching a framed picture of Yeri off the dresser, you sighed and sat down again, chin in your hand as you stared at the smile that had ingrained itself into your brain. “Yeri, I don’t know what to do anymore. I... I really don’t love Joohyun anymore, but it still hurts.”

She didn’t respond, of course, but you waited a second before continuing. “But I wasn’t lying when I told her I loved someone else. Is it wrong that I moved on so quickly? Is it wrong that I let you replace her?”

Biting down on your lip, you held the picture closer to your chest. It was ridiculous to be treating a picture frame as your sense of comfort, especially when said girl probably didn’t know about your feelings or care about them in the slightest. “I think I love you.”

“Reminiscing about the way we met?”

You spun around in the couch, spine creaking embarrassingly with your speed. And there, Yeri stood in the doorway, hand still lingering on the doorknob as she smiled. “Or is it something else?”

Tripping over your own two feet was embarrassing, but the other girl didn’t seem to mind when you ran to hug her, eyes stinging when you hugged her with all your might, whispering with your eyes squeezed shut, “I love you. I love you I love you I-”

The taste of bitter words on your tongue was replaced with the sugar of Christmas cookies, soft lips moving against yours and cold hands at your jaw. Yeri was the warmth that you had missed in your arms, and you could only grin as you kissed her back.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” she laughed when she pulled back slightly to breathe, lips as red as the cranberries Sooyoung hung on the Christmas tree. “Merry Christmas.”

#red velvet #red velvet x reader #red velvet yeri #red velvet yerim #yeri #kim yerim #yeri x reader #yeri imagines #yeri scenarios #yeri icons #red velvet scenarios #red velvet reactions #red velvet icons #red velvet incorrect quotes #girl group imagines #red velvet imagines #girl group scenarios #girl group reactions #red velvet fanfic #kim yeri icons

[myhumanweakness]

Destiel/Cockles analysis s/p 15x18

Okay, so... This is gonna be a mishmash of thoughts, but if you stick with me maybe you’ll get what I’m saying. 

I’ve been seeing a lot of shit condemning Jensen as a homophobe because of his previous actions/statements about Destiel and also (for some ungodly reason) because of his performance during the confession in 15x18. And I have this theory that I needed to get out because it’s been there for a while, and now is the perfect time to explain it. 

This show started out in 2005 as a show about two manly, Midwestern men that  got pulled into a life of hunting the Earth’s worst creatures, tapping ass, and drinking beers (while also giving you a play-by-play on how to repress emotions), and there was also A LOT of love buried in the plot. A lot. 

The world was a completely different place in 2005. The own creator of the show didn’t expect the show to go past 5 seasons, so when the longevity came they were forced to grow. We watched this show go through a very human process/experience of growth and acceptance and evolution, and we got to grow along side it. Was it always a neat, beautiful process? Hell no. There were a lot of potholes along the way. But, growth isn’t linear. The point is that they (the writers, producers, actors, etc.) kept pushing themselves to grow year after year. 

So now, back to Jensen. Jensen has shown this fandom time and time again not only how grateful he is that we adore him and helped him to cultivate a life beyond what he has dreamed of but also that he is attentive and considerate to our feelings/thoughts. Has he disagreed with us at times? Hell yes he has. Has be bluntly stated that “Destiel doesn’t exist.” Hell yes he has. And it’s been hurtful and frustrating and invalidating. But, take a step back for a moment. 

Jensen is so connected to Dean. His friends and even his own wife has stated that he sometimes forgets that “he’s not Dean.” Dean has informed so much of who Jensen is for the last 15 years. And Jensen has admittedly seen a lot of himself in Dean. So who was Dean at the beginning of this show? Dean was the guy who made gay jokes, slept with plethoras of woman to fill a void (and also for pleasure), was so out of touch with his feelings because he was too busy being the person his father wanted/needed him to be, and had a very clear idea of what it meant to be a man. That’s the brain Jensen lived in for years while playing Dean. And honestly, it’s been speculated and discussed here, that Jensen’s brain might not have been too far off from that mindset outside of Dean. 

But just as we watched the show grow, I truly believe we watched Jensen grow. And we all know Danneel is a big part of that because she is wildly herself and big and fierce, especially about the things she believes in and loves, and she is open-minded and just pushes people to grow. And he has said those things about her. But I also think that a lot of Jensen’s growth came from Misha because as much as Danneel has influenced him over the years, I firmly believe Jensen needed to see/meet/form a relationship with someone like Misha in order to truly/permanently break down those walls about what a man should/could be. 

Cockles fans have long dissected and held up microscopes to Jensen and Misha’s relationship, so much so that there are pages and pages of theories about how their love bloomed, their break ups, their tender moments, and the growth of their relationship in general. But one thing that I think Jensen frequently struggled with is this idea that he needed to keep Dean true to who he is as a person, and that any growth and evolution in Jensen’s life (ie his relationship with Misha) couldn’t influence that. All of those moments he was denouncing Destiel seemed to be out of a struggle to keep those two people separate- Jensen vs Dean. Because in Jensen’s head, Dean was still this super straight, rough and tough, Midwestern monster hunter. 

But over the years, the Destiel fandom was comforted by Misha’s outspoken love, admiration, and agreement. Misha truly championed this fandom with reckless abandon. But while Misha was comfortable (to a degree) with himself and his relationship with Jensen, we really watched Jensen struggle. We watched Jensen grow. 

So, fast forward to the last couple of years. Destiel is subtextually canon- the writers have confirmed this at this point. Jensen is less negative about Destiel at panels insofar as to talk about their “break ups” and “domestic disputes” and “relationship” with a validating tone. Is he fervently talking about Destiel safe words and bondage and having sex/making out? No. But that’s not who Jensen is. He’s much more conservative with his emotions than Misha... at least publicly. 

This fandom has watched Jensen grow, not only in his dealings with/approach to Cockles but also with Destiel. So, while Jensen has long been adamant that Dean is not bisexual and couldn’t end up with Cas, I think there was potentially a moment where Misha (and potentially Danneel) were like, “Well, why can’t Dean be bi? Why can’t he finally realize that about himself after years of breaking down barriers and fears and conditioned notions? You did.” 

What came first, Cockles or Destiel? That’s been the debate right? The chicken or the egg? I truly think without Cockles coming first, we would have never been able to have Destiel. In fact, in my head, I can make the argument that without Jensen growing and going through the process of falling in love with Misha, Destiel would have never become canon. Jensen needed to first separate himself from Dean (which we are all privy to), grow and fall in love [again] as Jensen, and then give Dean the permission to grow and fall in love too. 

As we have seen from this week’s episode, Destiel has been there for years. YEARS. But Dean has always had to deal with two struggles: accepting himself and Jensen accepting him. We heard Jensen say at a panel that when he read the script for the final episode, he had a hard time coming to terms with what happened. People have long speculated that was referring to Destiel. Now, maybe it is and maybe it isn’t (I guess we’ll find out in two weeks), but it would make a lot of sense if it was. 

As everyone (the writers, actors, fans, etc.) has validated and acknowledged Destiel and particularly Dean’s love for Cas, Jensen has continued to struggle with it. But I don’t think it’s because Jensen is homophobic or anything like some people are saying. I think it’s because Jensen has worked tirelessly to separate the romantic lives of himself and Dean. Jensen convinced himself that Dean loving Cas and them having a relationship would be out of character, when in reality it followed this pattern of growth that both the show and bi (& LGTQ+) men/individuals around the world followed. Because Jensen is so connected to Dean, he can’t have 2020 vision until it’s hindsight because as Dean was coming out to himself and accepting himself, Jensen was accepting Dean simultaneously. It’s actually a beautiful thing. And it doesn’t make Jensen homophobic... it makes Jensen human. 

As many LGBTQ+ people will tell you, the path to realization and acceptance is fraught with struggle (internal and external) and doubt and denial and even self-hatred. There are no two characters that embody that more than Cas and Dean. So, I think that once Jensen realized that he went through a similar process as Dean it wasn’t that crazy anymore that Dean was in love with Cas. And Jensen loving Misha didn’t force Dean to love Cas- Jensen didn’t make Dean bi- Jensen loving Misha gave Dean the permission to love Cas and become one of the most human characters (especially male characters) to ever exist because we got to watch Dean find love and accept love through repression, struggle, self realization, and self acceptance. 

And for that, Jensen Ackles will go down in history as one of the best actors of this generation. Because he truly brought life to Dean Winchester.

Thank you for attending my TedTalk. I wanted to be much more thorough with this and include gifs and video evidence, but this is already lengthy and I doubt anyone even made it to the end. 

#destiel meta #cockles meta #destiel #deancas #cockles #jenmish #rps for ts #spn spoilers #spn 15x18 #destiel is canon #let's discuss this please #this is a mishmash of thoughts #jensen ackles is one of the best actors ever and you can't convince me otherwise #jensen and misha #dean/castiel #dean x castiel #otp: i need you #otp: I love you #the greatest love story ever told #bi!dean #dean is bi til the day I die #bi!dean is my dean

[mysticdragon3md3]

Ranma ½ is GENIUS. Here’s Why by  Bonsai Pop

The thing I really appreciated about Ranma ½ when I was younger, was that it was a discussion about gender without getting sidetracked by sex, the way most “sex comedies” did, especially at the time.  At the time, publishers tried to market Ranma ½ as a “sex comedy” in the vein of raunchy college-setting Hollywood movies or fanservicy Male Gaze series (compare “Futaba-kun Change” or the proceeding “harem genre” that Ranma ½ started).  But Ranma ½ felt more like a discussion about gender more than sex, or even more than sexuality.  And being an AroAce kid, who didn’t know what AroAce was at the time, but was very confused about my gender, I really appreciated Ranma ½’s focus on gender over sex, fanservice, and heterosexuals navigating (sexual) relationships—which, I *cannot* express enough, was the saturated majority of all anime/manga, that even came close to discussing gender, at the time.  I just wanted a discussion about gender, gender roles, complaining about presumed traditional ideas about gender, and how to define one’s own gender despite society’s pressures about gender.  I wanted a discussion about Strength, that the martial arts genre did so often, without an advocation for sexist ideals, toxic masculinity, stereotypes about “feminine” being weaker (even as warriors), fixated only on romance, or any number of female stereotypes, etc.  I feel like I can’t remind people enough of how it was back then, when not only were these toxic mysoginist ideas portrayed frequently, but they were also portrayed as good, true, “right”, or unquestioned.  At least when Ranma Saotome was being a sexist jerk, he was punished for that terrible thinking or eventually had to reconcile with his dissonance.  And Akane Tendo was revolutionary at that time too.  It used to be that on the Shonen genre side, we had only hyper fem, passive, romance-fixated, love interests, OR nagging, cold female characters that really felt like the author was conveying all their horrible views on women in general, OR sexy eye-candy that had close-ups on their boobs or butt so frequently, that it completely made their lack of focus on romance or anything else in their personalities, secondary.  Then on the Shoujo genre side, we had girls who were fixated on nothing but romance, constantly jealous and possessive—and often over guys who hadn’t even proven themselves worthwhile to pursue romantically.  Let’s face it: A lot of Shoujo leading men were often jerks, treated their female love interests badly, and for some reason, she was just supposed to play the devoted “Lady Murasaki” and be totally “in love” with him.  Whyyyyyyyyyy?????????????  Even worse on the Shonen genre side too, because he treats her badly, it doesn’t get portrayed as bad treatment, he doesn’t understand why she’s angry, so she just looks like a volatile nag all the time, often existing only to be objectified or serve as a flimsy motive for his character arcs and actions. It was a pretty bad time.  Not that now has eliminated those problems, but when Ranma ½ and Akane Tendo seem like the shining lights of something different, maybe then you can understand how much I sorely needed Ranma ½ and Akane Tendo at that time.  

Really surprised that this video essay didn’t mention Jackie Chan.  The thing that differentiated Ranma ½ from so many martial arts battle anime/manga at the time, was that Ranma ½’s style of martial arts was inspired by Jackie Chan.  Meanwhile, all the other Shonen martial arts manga/anime were so serious and based more on “cool”, “action” genre toned martial arts movies.  

I’m intrigued by this video essay’s idea that Ranma ½ the series isn’t sexist, but rather, characters within the series are sexist, and are so in order to make a point about how them being like that is messed up.  I need to grapple with this because one of my problems in looking back at Ranma ½ is that it can be a little transphobic and/or homophobic at times.  Like, I’ll never forget when Tsubasa Kurenai was introduced and, Akane, this character that we’re supposed to completely sympathize with during this series, just keeps screaming in Tsubasa’s face that they are a “pervert”, simply because it’s revealed that Tsubasa identifies as a boy but dresses as a girl.  I think the episode just ended like that, and that was supposed to be a joke, but I don’t know whether the reveal’s shock intended on the audience was supposed to be conveyed through Akane and we were expected to have the same reactions as her, or if we were supposed to be shocked at Akane’s reactions and her reactions being ridiculous were the joke.  I dunno; it was a long time ago, I don’t remember much context, and I really should look it back up.  But frankly, there’s a lot of Ranma ½ to sift through and that’s more time than I have, writing this post.  Akane does seem to repeatedly have instances of being perfectly nice to characters, but when she discovers they’re actually guys, she spends a lot of time yelling “pervert” in their faces.  Sometimes I don’t know if we’re meant to see how ridiculous Akane is being or if we’re meant to agree with her.  Again, I watched/read the series a long time ago, and maybe if I re-watched/re-read it now, it would be clear to older me.  Because, when it happens between Akane and Ranma, Ranma has a specific line, grummbling about how Akane was perfectly nice to him, up until she found out he was actually a boy.  And Ranma was a bit nice in his characterization up until that early line of dialogue, so maybe we were supposed to be on his side in that thought.  So maybe Akane spending the rest of the series yelling “pervert” at Ranma (repeated so often it’s essentially their running gag), is supposed to be a joke laughing at how irrational Akane is being.  o.o?  I’d hate to think we’re supposed to be on Akane’s side, repeatedly calling Ranma a “pervert” over a curse that he had no control over getting, and early on was portrayed as a misfortune that the audience was supposed to sympathize and pity him over.  Maybe the whole thing is supposed to point out Akane’s flaws, since everyone in the series is pretty messed up.  (Even Kasumi unsettled me a bit when I was younger, in that she dropped her entire life, to replace her mother’s role when she died.  For me, being a young girl who didn’t buy into those traditional female roles, that were still at the time, strongly pushed onto girls in society, that was a little unsettling.  Still love Kasumi as a person though.)  Akane did have reason to “hate boys”, as the series specifically states early on, but I’d like to think that she was given this flaw as a point to grow away from.  Just as this video essay calls to attention Ranma being sexist and, over the series, eventually growing out of it.  But back when I was young and initially into Ranma ½, I feared that some of these sexist or even homophobic ideas in Ranma ½ were actually reflective of thoughts that Rumiko Takahashi advocated.  After all, there’s a point in Maison  Ikkoku where Kyoko berates herself by saying all women are fools.  Maybe I was too young to see the nuance in a character berating her own mistakes in her love live, vs the implication that all women are “properly” stereotyped into being obsessed with love and end up acting foolish for it.  Nowadays, I can see how we can berate ourselves whenever our specific actions can slot us into generalized stereotypes, and we curse ourselves for falling into proving stereotypes true on occaision.  But back then, when I was younger and watching Ranma ½ for the first time and reading Maison Ikkoku for the first time, I was afraid that such lines were reflective of Takahashi believing such stereotypes as truth.  Which is why I was so happy when sometime after Ranma ½, Inuyasha had a canonically gay character, and instead of Inuyasha calling him a pervert the entire time, he just got exasperated with his non-stop flirting, the way that all the female characters from Ranma ½ are tired of guys who won’t take “no” for an answer.  At the time, I thought, “Yay!  Takahashi has evolved to a less homophobic stance!”  But maybe, all this time, she was always against such things, and merely portraying them, even through characters we were supposed to sympathize with, merely to show how messed up such ideas are.  I really like that thought which this video essay presented.  

But I will disagree with this video essay on 1 thing:  The manga is better.  I’m not trying to be elitist.  I realize that comedy has a very subjective sensibilities, and the anime leans into awkward silence type comedy, whereas I am sick of that type of comedy.  But so many visual gags and jokes in the manga, and Rumiko Takahashi’s style in general, involve panels that are almost completely re-drawn, with only 1 element changed—the gag element—suggesting that the eye is supposed to read from panel to panel quickly (since the human eyes/brain filters out a lack of change, and is hard-wired to focus on changes from previous conditions).  To me, this suggests quick punchlines, whose sudden oddity is supposed to shock, implying an intended fast pacing to the jokes.  And yeah, Takahashi will draw seemingly normal scenes, detailed with all the normalcies of a commonly recognizable environment, then suddenly the next panel is exactly the same except a character is contorted into a silly pose or an absolutely ridiculous creature with an intentionally nonsensical facial expression has suddenly appeared, amid that completely “normal” scene, with all its “normal” details _redrawn_.  It’s why the “evil oni” episode in Ranma ½ had a ridiculous face, despite its supposedly ominous background.  In fact, anywhere Takahashi can fit a gag face, especially if it contradicts the surrounding scene’s/story’s serious tone, she will do it.  She has even said in interviews that if scenes are too serious, she will try to put in a gag in the corner.  I remember reading Maison Ikkoku during a depressive episode (for both me and Godai) and suddenly Yotsuya had poked his head through a hole in the wall, into the scene, shining a flashlight onto his own face, like a kid telling a ghost story, all while he made funny faces and Takahashi’s typical gag with the sign language “I love you” gesture.  The woman cannot let things stay serious (except for Mermaid Saga, parts of Inuyasha, and some short stories), and I love her for it!  ^o^  But the way she suddenly injects ridiculousness into scenes and character designs, suggest, at least to me, an intended fast paced delivery with the jokes.  That sudden shock when you notice Yotsuya making faces in the corner of a depressing scene. That sudden shock, when Ranma is hiding from his mother, and is clinging to the ceiling or futons like Spiderman, and Akane is just supposed to act natural so Ranma’s mom won’t notice where he’s hiding.  To me, this suggests the punchline is supposed to come at you like a sudden punch, unlike awkwardness that hangs in the air.  So when the anime tries to make the joke linger, I just don’t enjoy it as much as when my brain can dictate the faster pacing I want (and believe better fits) while reading the Ranma ½ manga.  

Also, the manga is better because those manga filler episodes were not as well written as the manga.  Rumiko Takahashi is a master of short stories.  And that shows when you run into the less-effective filler anime episodes–even when you don’t know they’re filler episodes!  I remember watching the Ranma ½ anime before reading the manga, before there was even internet lists of which were the filler episodes, and coincidentally, all the filler episodes did not make me laugh out loud, whereas every episode up until that point, had made me uncontrollably laugh.  I feel like the anime thought that because Ranma ½ was an episodic, very silly series, they could just insert anything and it would fit.  But clearly, only  the manga-based episodes—and even individual scenes!—had the nuance of Takahashi’s writing and pacing, to make even an episodic, ridiculous series work.  

  Also, I love how this video essay just lavishes the love on Rumiko Takahashi.  ^o^  

Another thing this video essay pointed out that I appreciate about Ranma ½ is how indifferent Ranma is to all the advances of his suitors or even accidental fanservice.  All the consequential “harem genre” series that tried to emulate Ranma ½ always seemed to include male protagonists who were surrogates for the audiences’ intended horny reactions.  But Ranma was neither turned on, enticed, nor tantalized by even accidental fanservice falling into his lap.  (As Mother’s Basement has noted, harem genre protagonist have a penchant for accidentally falling and grabbing a girls’ boobs, or their face falling into her boobs, or accidentally put into a position to forcibly see up her skirt, etc.)  If anything, he’s more embarassed that he accidentally walked in on girls in undress, rather than enjoying the view OR reacting so long, that the scene drags on, fixating on the accidental nudity/groping/fanserivce.  And I was about to postulate that maybe because most harem genre and fanservice series are usually made by straight men for an audience with a Male Gaze.  But Takahashi wrote Maison Ikkoku’s Godai, right before she created Ranma ½, and he very much enjoyed the view, took peeks, and fixated on any accidental fanservice.  So it’s actually Ranma himself who had reactions and a perspective that were very agreeable to this asexual.  

I hadn’t noticed before this video essay said it, but Happosai really is condemned much more for being the “pervy old man” archetype, whereas other series are very permissive towards that same archetype, even when they’re being sexual predators.  I’d like to attribute this to Takahashi bringing a woman’s perspective, but Sailormoon was also written by a woman and (if I remember correctly) Rei’s grandpa’s pervy ways were reprimanded in only 1 episode then permitted as a running gag in the rest of the series (thankfully, not often).  Then again, lots of the Shoujo genre also advocated for many toxic traditional ideas about gender (like girls picking romantic partners who don’t respect them, and girls being fully devoted/invested in such guys, because they “once” meet the bare minimum for human decency by being nice to them once).  So maybe it was uniquely Takahashi’s prerogative to not let the “pervy old man” archetype slide as supposedly “endearing” silliness.

#ranma 1/2 #ranma1half #rumiko takahashi #video essay #analysis #gender #manga #anime #nostalgia #old otaku #martial arts genre #shonen genre #reactions #reminicing

[skinks]

So we know there’s homophobic graffiti about Richie in the girls’ bathrooms at school. At least. It’s not much of a stretch to imagine it was elsewhere; written on paper airplanes, scratched into desks, even scrawled on his locker.

Beverly would scribble out the one in the girls’ bathrooms, I’m sure. She might even tell Ben or Eddie about it, and that would give Eddie an idea - Eddie, the walking embodiment of the totally uninformed “well actually” response. It’s not like Eddie thinks he’s that much of a smarty-pants (he gets his facts muddled sometimes, he’s not like Stan) it’s just that whenever a topic arises he feels he can contribute to, he can go a little overboard.

This is because most topics Eddie’s familiar with are the ones that stress him out, and the nervous rambling calms him down. It’s out there and expunged for the others to pick at and argue with. It’s like letting air from a balloon instead of waiting for the needle to burst it.

The point is, there’s another topic on which Eddie’s a true expert (insofar as someone can be an expert on the completely bewildering) and that topic is Richie Tozier.

So, Eddie feels this need to set the record straight. Funny choice of word, that - straight. He doesn’t - Eddie doesn’t know about that stuff, about straight and the other things that kids cough into their fists when Eddie and Richie walk to shop class together, even though they’re never even doing anything. Seems all it takes is just... existing. Getting in the way.

Eddie thought straight meant doing what Nancy Reagan says on TV, Going Straight, Just Saying No to Drugs, but then, Eddie can barely remember a day in his life he hasn’t swallowed some kinda pill. It’s hard to say no when you need ‘em. Even when you know they’re bullshit or they’re bad for you or they could get you killed in a town like Derry.

It’s hard to go straight when you like ‘em.

Eddie may need a helping hand to know bullshit when he sees it (a consequence of growing up with Richie Tozier, when bullshit and truth are tied up so close together like captives on a railway line, you forget the difference even matters that much if it’s all to make you laugh regardless) but once Eddie knows bullshit, he never forgets. These things they say about Richie and Bev and Mike and all of them, they’re bullshit, if only for how they make Richie’s shoulders jerk up to his ears like his spine broke. For how he’s always surly and cracks meaner jokes in the clubhouse afterwards, as if he thinks being worse than the bullies will make things better. It doesn’t. It’s bullshit, but Eddie’s not allowed to throw rocks in school, so.

He uncaps his pen. Not with his teeth. He’s afraid of the ink leaching poison in between his tastebuds like an oil slick through cobblestones, though the cap is still a chewed victim to Eddie’s ongoing feud with the quadratic formula. This is his second correction of the day, concealed by the lockers in the bustle of third period changeover. His first was actually in math that morning, the need presenting itself when Eddie had knocked his protractor off the edge of his desk and seen what was written on the wooden underside when he shuffled and scrunched down to retrieve it.

richie tozier is a dirty fag

He’d hunched there, tense and staring. His fingers found the hard edge of his protractor as he looked at the black little missive in the wood, nestled angrily between two gray lumps of chewed gum like a spider. Teeth marks in the gum and Eddie hadn’t even cared, because a hot spout of anger had flushed through his entire body. They didn’t know shit. They didn’t know shit. Eddie might let himself wonder in the dead of night what it means that his mother hates Richie more than all the rest and calls him dirty, like she calls Bev dirty. He leans up against the notion and hears something telling, like sitting against a wall and hearing mice scrabble secretly inside. But his anger was really at the crime of these assholes thinking they have the right to say anything at all about Richie Tozier, like they know him.

Like Eddie knows him. He’d groped around for his up-above pen and done it quickly, so hot in his chest he’d almost whimpered, almost cried. The wood gave a hollow rasp of a laugh as he scraped with his ballpoint at a funny angle, until Mr. Warwick had asked if Mr. Kaspbrak planned on joining them any time soon. Eddie emerged with his pen and protractor clutched like the angel Michael’s sword, his face red from the blood hung there, upside-down. Truth matters more, Eddie knows that better than most.

Now he braces his forearm to the cold metal of Richie’s locker, hiding his work. This is the right answer. Let them all copy if they like, once he’s done. His chin crumples and his lower lip begins trembling when he thinks of Richie’s expression when he saw this one. It was yesterday, but Mr. Gray the janitor hasn’t cleaned it off yet.

ritchie tozer has aids, it says.

He scribbles it out. Eddie’s jaw quakes remembering Richie’s face, and so he clenches his teeth, bites down like he would do to his inhaler and pretends it helps. Bite on this, Eds, Richie would say sometimes, holding the aspirator steady. Eddie pretends any of this helps, just like he pretends the stinging in his eyes is because of the jabbing stench of the marker.

Squeak, squeak. The marker, those mice again, chewing holes through Eddie’s frightened fabrications to let the truth shine through.

Richie Tozier made me laugh so hard I snorted a booger into my coke, bold on metal.

Richie Tozier eats sandwiches with no filling just butter, under a desk by the window in room MA3. They might never find it there, scratched into wood like people do to the Kissing Bridge. It makes Eddie’s chest hurt in a funny way, to imagine coming back for some school reunion to see that again, when they’re old. No track trophy or academic legacy to denote Eddie Kaspbrak’s time at Derry Middle, just one lone shout in the darkness. Beep beep motherfuckers, you let him go. Anyway, Eddie thinks maybe it’s not so bad to be defined in the end by the effect you had on those you love.

Richie Tozier’s hot, riding three small hearts on the grubby side of a second storey girls’ bathroom stall. Beverly told him about it, then laughed at something, clapped her hand to Eddie’s tense shoulder with a jolt.

It’s just to cover up the bad stuff, Ed, she said. The words don’t really matter at all.

Someone knocks past Eddie’s backpack, jostles him forward. He rests his hot forehead to his arm as he finishes things up, hot with anger, hot with pride, hot with something else like fever that wants to be as brave as Bev, as eloquent as Bill, as big-hearted as Ben and write—the truth.

He can’t. Richie Tozier made me laugh so hard I snorted a booger into my coke is still true, after all. Nobody else ever makes Eddie laugh that hard.

Further down the hall and unbeknownst to Eddie, Richie squeezes his backpack straps until his hands shake. He stumbles back to lean against the wall, and watches.

#reddie #ficlet #long post #cant do readmores on mobile sorry!! #tw: homophobia #f slur