#sometimes i like to pretend I’m a staff writer

[emonydeborah]

snw episodes rated by Una

in which Una is my unit of measurement, not that this is what she would think of the events

All from memory bc who has time

SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING

1x01: she’s literally the catalyst for getting Chris off his butt and the whole episode. Barely in it but she did all the detective work for everybody. “Somehow I knew you would” with the little smile and “La’an!” in the softest voice immediately established both relationships and my abiding love for her. She’s literally driving the plot but still not there much; 6/10.

1x02: she shares some LooksTM with Chris. Chris was slightly subdued at one (1) dinner party and Una went something is deeply wrong. Chris is sad and Una tells him to live his gosh darn life. Pretty sure she flies the ship a bit. She’s here. Can’t complain. 6/10.

1x03: OOOOHOHO here we go. Whatever camera angle it is that shoots from the floor to watch people walk away and makes them look tall was excellently utilized. Girl was STRIDING everywhere. Hauled a grown man over her shoulder and was greeted with the shock and awe she deserved. Told her biggest secret (!!!!) to help the crew!!! bc she would sacrifice herself for them!!!!! also she googled her glowworm episode like it had not happened her whole life (which I will accept as a writer thing. but she really looked at a picture of someone glowing bc of an infection and went 😮). Girlie managed a whole ship of sedated/crazy people and did not let anyone jump into the sun/warp core. Had a deep talk with La’an and revealed more of their shared history. Stunning. 10/10.

1x04 another case of I can’t complain. As my favorite character I want her to be happy, but I will take some internal bleeding and other catastrophic injuries. As a treat. The sheer power of ordering the medical staff to give away her blood transfusion and then knocking herself out before they could argue. Unparalleled. Had no impact on the main plot but what she did do in her sphere of influence was important and exemplary. I’ll take it. 7/10.

1x05: back at it again with the b-plot but I AM HERE FOR IT. GIVE ME LA’AN AND UNA BEING GOOFY. Loved the death glare at Joseph so he would confess and how she pretended not to be huffy about her nickname. La’an went can we… play a game… and Una went YEs sounds educational. For science. The look of absolute shock and betrayal when La’an shot her and her little “ow.” “People are idiots. You’re fun.” La’an went lol my childhood was a bleak horror scape and Una went absolutely NOT I’m going to commit crimes to rectify this. I like people having wacky misadventures while the plot is plotting somewhere. 8/10.

1x06 Chris forgot her name. She had to leave so she wouldn’t verbally tear him to shreds in front of his crew. Most likely explanation. Where was she I miss her. 4/10.

1x07: she locked the pirates out of the ship!!! We love a competent first officer shooting people on her bridge. She shook her head half an inch and Spock went absolutely whatever you say. Chris was thrown to the floor in front of her and she crossed her arms and watched him get up. “We’re starting a mutiny.” "Someone's breaking the rules today." Legitimately appreciated her teamwork with Chris in planting the mutiny idea. Would love to see it again sometime. 7/10.

1x08: bow and arrow. She checked on Joseph after and I appreciated that they carried that through from her finding out about Rukiya before. Una was here but she wasn't Una. Also. If we're real she wasn't really there. I liked the eye shadow though. 5/10.

1x09: "you should really try the omelet." The breakfast scene is my favorite and in fact the only scene. Nothing else happened with Hemmer or Spock or anyone. Really short episode. I would have liked to have seen her face when Chris snapped the tongs. She tried to follow the shuttle to the surface with scans and Chris went nah babe we're fine. Let her do her job Chris. Breakfast scene 10/10. Episode 5/10.

1x10: notable by her absence. She checked on Chris and once again told him to live his life. She's not there in the future but I won't take points for that because Chris immediately went where is my bestie. I cannot function without my work wife where is she. Her arrest kick-started the series and for our cliffhanger she was arrested again. I'm sensing a theme. What will they incarcerate her for next and how will Chris break her out this time. I will always appreciate Chris going absolutely feral for his first officer/life partner. 9/10.

2x01: prison. She tells Chris not to be stupid and he goes don't tell me what to do *cough* I love you *cough* Not a strong start for our girl but I trust her to overcome. Once again Chris is going off on a mission to save her. Lost points for the brevity of her appearance and the weird black jumpsuit. 4/10.

2x02: Girl sat in a chair and watched her friends say nice things about her for days. I would shrivel up and die. Una looks teary. Her lawyer put some heat on a guy who said he would NEVER hire Una if he knew her real race and Una said that was too mean leave him alone. La'an confessed her feelings in public. Spock gave the whole courtroom a heart attack to make Una smile. Chris hugged her looking panicky. please don't go away again. Una looked at Chris like she wanted to kiss him or perhaps sip one milkshake through two straws. The whole episode is about how great she is. 15/10.

2x03: unfortunately for most of this episode she did not exist. Liked the professional and sassy attitude towards Pelia but I must reduce points for Una not existing. 2/10.

2x04: Una succumbed to a disease she should canonically be immune to. Fridged almost immediately. Chris said I need some good fighters and took his doctor instead of his super strong first officer who was familiar with the terrain. Una called Chris out on relationship nonsense like the og she is but this cannot repair the damage. Drove me to writing fix-it fic. -10/10.

2x05: Una is canonically one of the girls. She hangs out with some very specific junior officers including her emotionally constipated son and her traumatized daughter. She laughs very loudly and I like to think the writers are purposefully making her more open now that people know her genetics secret. Tells Mr. Spock how to be a Vulcan. Part of a lineup to talk to Spock and is a head taller than the rest of the line. All in all a great time. 9/10.

2x06: she yells at her former professor who is also thousands of years old. I would simply perish. "yoU HaVe CruMBs oN yOuR uNifOrM" Starfleet said we need someone to get this defunct and thus far unmanageable station up and running. Send Una. "Oh good, I was afraid I'd miss the speech." Rebecca Romijn note- she is nine inches taller than Carol Kane, but she manages to look/act a lot younger and smaller than normal. Pelia takes about 14 seconds to get Una teary eyed. "My final paper was METICULOUSLY researched." 8/10.

2x07: "That's ridiculous, we can't just 'Not Look.'" "Like... a p i n - u p p o s t e r?" Girl is constantly baffled the whole time. One (1) young man was unnerved by her and she went he knows how I die. She then winked at him and he almost had a stroke. We see a picture of her as she is idolized in the future. Excellent. Different flavor than 2x06 but still 8/10.

2x08: lots of Significant Eye Contact with Chris. She said if you don't get this ship where it's going asap I will revoke your command and drive us there myself. "Everyone is on their own journey." I feel like she knows Joseph murdered a man in sickbay but we don't know for sure. She's out here being a competent first officer and telling the captain how the crew is feeling. I like the reminder of her priorities. Chris is here to explore and it's Una's job to make sure he has a functional crew to do so. 6/10.

2x09: Una Chin-Riley, musical theater nerd, had the absolute time of her life and I am so happy for her. Girl JUMPED into that first song with much soulful pushing of buttons. "A surprisingly beautiful baritone." Chris asked Uhura the singer how musicals work and Una answered. Is feeling her feelings so much these days she started singing about her job. Waltzed through the halls with James T Kirk. La'an went I would like to not do this please and Una said feel your feelings. Fly away with me. Accept yourself. Love yourself. "You came in here hot. On fire. It's making me sweat." The whole ship is singing and La'an is making friends. This was the best day of Una's life. 1000/10.

2x10: Una volunteered for a dangerous forbidden mission to save her husband's gf and spent the whole time stalking around the bridge like a tiger or a mom looking for sales at Target and giving hopeful speeches. She did tell Spock his gf might be dead but if you want to look for her go for it champ. "ORDERS CAPTAIN" Chris is hanging on by a thread. Una is the thread. Not a great end if I'm honest but she did look fantastic walking around murderously. 5/10.

#snw #snw spoilers #una chin riley #this took me days #there was a lot to consider #strange new worlds #pikeuna #do these rating match my opinions of the episodes? not necessarily #but do they directly correlate to my mood while watching them? #yes #and yes that’s the second time I’ve linked that same fic #I have strong feelings

[timemachineyeah]

Watching the latest hbomberguy video. And this Tom guy is making me think of so many people I have met, especially in the entertainment industry. They are a Type. There’s one in Toonmakers Sailor Moon pilot video too. Honestly sometimes Trump comes across this way. Not just men, though I do think it might be more common among cis men. Especially white privileged ones.

But you know them. The ones that lie about cool they are. That can’t help but lie about their own achievements even when the truth is staring them in the face. Like, I can think of half of a dozen I have met over the years in my life. A friend’s brother, an old boss, a teacher at my school who even the staff seemed exhausted of…

People go “that’s narcissism” or “compulsive lying” and listen, I’m not saying there’s not a neurodivergence underlying some of this behavior. Also potentially traumas or a need for introspection and therapy. I’m also not saying there is. This isn’t about that.

This also isn’t about the social/cultural/political environment that might foster the kinds of anxieties or expectations that contribute. I am not seeking to explain or diagnose this pattern of behavior. I don’t care if it’s psychological, sociological, or just being an asshole. That’s not the point.

The point is: it has always made me deeply uncomfortable. Not just angry or manipulated or whatever. But, like, secondhand embarrassment? Firsthand embarrassment? Unsettled in horror movie way? And I used to attribute that solely to, like, it’s desperate for approval, isn’t it? And I was willing to let that be the end of it. But that always felt incomplete.

No, I think the thing that makes me uncomfortable is, it feels like, to me, it feels like they’re daydreaming??? Like they are playing out their fantasy version of their life, the cooler one the rest of us (or, me at least) just privately pretend to have and never share with anyone.

Like who hasn’t listened to a song they love on repeat and pretended they were on stage singing it and pretended it was their song and they wrote it. Like, I do that. Maybe I’m weird. But I think lots of people do that. When I was a teenager I used to fantasize I had a double life when I was on school breaks, working in New Zealand for the Lord of the Rings movies. All the actors and writers were my best friends. And obviously I provided tremendous insight to the project and it really depended on me. But I didn’t tell anyone at school for convoluted daydream reasons.

But like, as much as I can vividly bring back the fine details of that fantasy (and how, while it had been a secret, it wouldn’t be secret any more when all the hottest members of the cast showed up to my school to take me to an awards show with them), this is the first time I’ve ever told anyone else about it, because why the fuck would I?

“I often pretend I am more interesting and important than I really am” is so common as to be dull. And also has a reputation for being childish. And also it’s not cool to want to be cool. And also if you say your wish out loud it can’t come true. But regardless of why, I don’t tell people about my daydreams. And I think that’s true of most people. Rich fantasy lives are common and largely never shared.

But when I watch the people with this particular quirk and feel kind of awful in this visceral way - I think that’s the thing that’s off-putting to me. It feels so private. I recognize myself in the behavior, in that, in my very silly daydreams, I too have done great things and made notable contributions that are far beyond the truth of my life. But to me those things are so secret. They are the most private of private thoughts.

When I watch these people talk, it feels like they are LARPing that same kind of self-indulgent fantasy world, in their real life. And simultaneously I feel like I’m invading someone’s privacy and like they’ve coerced me into something I didn’t agree to. They’ve cast us in their LARP, and they are gonna play out their fantasy version of their life, and made it awkward or dangerous for anyone to ruin it for them.

And so on top of all the many other very good reasons to not enjoy listening to that kind of self-serving lying, I get to hate it for secret bonus reasons of Immense Psychological Discomfort stemming from ???? associations my brain makes with the act of daydreaming ????

#timemachine wuz here

[lonesomedreamer]

SNW Liveblog: “Among the Lotus Eaters”

In which they’re mean to Spock for no reason, but Spock helps save the day anyway.

In its own way, this is scene just as staged/cheesy as anything in TOS…it’s also giving NBC Hannibal (not a compliment from me).

Look: I just don’t care about the supposedly corrupt bureaucracy and chain of command in Starfleet. When I watch Trek, I want to escape into a post-scarcity utopian society, and nuTrek can pry that out of my cold, dead hands!!!

Other things I don’t care about: Pike’s on-again, off-again relationship with Batel. Sorry. This show already has too many characters vying for screentime with too few episodes to develop them to be wasting time on this.

Love that Pike makes sure to put out the candles before he leaves…meanwhile his quarters has a huge, open fireplace that burns 24/7.

Not that everything they do on the Enterprise isn’t science-related, but… “science specialist”? Do you guys even WATCH the show??? Gold is for the command division, red is for operations/engineering, and BLUE IS FOR SCIENCE! At least pretend to give a shit about your show’s own universe. (Oh…wait…)

“Most of the time I fly the ship, which is cool, but can get boring.” Speaking for all the kids (and adults!) who have fantasized about flying the Enterprise for the last 55 years: kindly fuck off.

“Can’t you just say ‘two moons’?” / “We get it, Spock.” Spock is the science officer (and ALSO Vulcan). Get off his back!!! His SNW crewmates nitpick him worse than Bones ever did.

I don’t like Ortegas much—she’s still written like garbage, no fault of the actor—and her perpetual bitchiness towards Spock is NOT helping.

“Doctors love being tasked for a mission because of their combat skills.” Maybe you should’ve thought of that three episodes ago when you were LARPing Wolverine in slo-mo against the Klingons for like ten minutes, M’Benga…

This line might have been okay by itself—McCoy-esque, if you will—except they’ve been giving Spock shit for Doing His Damn Job for the entire episode so far.

I love Christine, and SNW!Christine has grown on me, but…she’s not even the Head Nurse on this show. Why is she running Sickbay solo? Am I supposed to believe that the Enterprise doesn’t staff more than a single doctor??

“As long as it stays isolated to Uhura” Since they don’t know the cause and therefore whether the condition is infectious, shouldn’t they at least isolate Uhura? (They experienced a similar outbreak just a few episodes ago!!!)

Speaking of Uhura, seems pretty shitty of the writers to have Uhura be the first one to lose her memory: TOS already did that. (If it’s an homage, it’s not a good one.)

I adore Ethan, but sometimes his line delivery is weirdly stilted.

:')

There’s literally no one else left on the Bridge apart from Spock and Ortegas? Okay…

“It’s not the Spock show!” but it should be.

Whatever’s affecting the rest of the crew should affect Spock differently and/or belatedly due to his different genetic code. Then again, the only thing these writers seem to know about Vulcans is that they talk about logic a lot.

Not the computer having a ghost-of-Mufasa moment with Ortegas… (“Remember who you are.”)

“I feel like I know how to do this. And I’m the only one who can.” * Put a pin in this.

“Abso-friggin’-lutely.” Awful.

I didn’t think you can block a phaser blast with like...a physical shield?? Especially one (presumably) set to kill???

Kirk was involved in a lot of fights, but watching the captain of the Enterprise repeatedly kick/pistol-whip a guy who’s already laying prone on the ground is…surreal and horrible.

Trek’s always been two parts morality play, one part scifi, but can I get the scientific part of the reveal again? Something about radiation from an asteroid?? It sounds kind of interesting—but they’re just gonna gloss over it, aren’t they??

Also, the Enterprise is designed to protect its crew against all kinds of radiation—we know that because it was built to fly in SPACE, which is radioactive as fuck. So what’s special about these asteroids (and if the planet’s atmosphere is too thick to be penetrated by the Enterprise’s scanners, why can’t it protect the planet from the radiation coming off the asteroids that surround it)??

Please stop showing Pike punching this guy over and over again. It’s actually upsetting, I can’t see the point, if there is one.

Pike: “[Rigel VII] shows us who we really are…” Pike 30 seconds earlier: kicking and punching an unarmed man who’s sprawled out, bleeding, on the floor Pike: “The lives of my crew mean everything to me.”

sure-jan.gif

Look…TOS could be really unsubtle and on-the-nose about its messaging. It still did it with so much more grace and flair than THIS. “He was right. Not having a past…it can be nice for a while.” “I know what you mean. But maybe some memories are worth the pain of others.” / “The story of your life, the details…they matter!” Wow, what do you guys think is this episode trying to say?!?

*“No one but you could pull this off.” In “Mirror Mirror,” a visibly nervous Uhura hesitates after Kirk issues his orders; he then reassures her by earnestly saying “You’re the only one who can do it.” It’s meaningful because it’s true—Uhura is the only one both with the necessary skills and whom Kirk can trust in the mirror universe. Here, it’s just Pike stroking the ego of an officer who’s already an arrogant smartass…plus, while Ortegas might be the best pilot on board, the episode repeatedly makes it clear that she is NOT the only one qualified to “fly the ship.”

“I don’t blame Spock. He’s still got a lot to learn.” Why the fuck would anyone blame Spock for anything that went down here?!! The man was trying to analyze the asteroids—the very same ones that robbed everyone of their memories—at the beginning of the episode when everyone was rolling their eyes and saying “not now, Spock,” and look where it fucking got them!

And in the very next line, we learn that Spock came up with the solution that SAVED THE SHIP/CREW.

“It feels logical to me.” This is the kind of shit y’all should be angry about re: Spock, not him smooching Christine. It FEELS logical. Retch.

I know I sound really critical here, but I actually found this one a lot easier to watch (almost) straight-through than some of the previous episodes, i.e., without having to stop and scream in frustration. It was less mundane and plodding than the previous one (and left SNW!Kirk behind, thank God). That said, I did find myself tempted to fast-forward through some of the scenes on Rigel VII, and I did skip around during the Pike/Batel scenes. I also saw a lot of comments that this episode is very TOS...I guess so? Imo the resemblance is surface-level only, though.

The Good: Hey, they're on a STRANGE NEW-(to-the-viewer) WORLD! Imagine that! — La'an's costume and the way she's styled for the away mission. — Boring subplot aside, Batel also looks really nice. — The vibe, planetside, is trying to be like TOS. Gold star for effort? — A few funny lines. — Ethan gets a lot of flattering shots in this episode. :3

The Bad: A lot of time wasted between Ortegas' repeated “I fly the ship” mantra (both early and later on) and the Pike/Batel scenes that bookend the episode. — Almost everyone being critical of what Spock says and how he says it; it borders on unprofessional and mean and is ESPECIALLY bad since Spock then uses science to restore their memories (off-screen, of course). — Making Uhura the first one to get amnesia. — Failing to develop Ortegas at all in what I assume is supposed to be an “Ortegas episode.” — Christine's hair. My poor girl! — Spock forgets how to READ?!?? (I missed this while I was watching because it's just Too Stupid for me to believe they actually went there.) — Gratuitous violence from Pike that seemed to serve no thematic or symbolic purpose.

There better be Spockstine in the next one, because without it, Ethan’s face is still worth it…barely, though.

#i think i had more to say but then I just ran out of steam lol #this episode was better than the kirk one ('kirk'... ''''kirk''''...) #but idk not by a huge margin #luth liveblogs snw

[livvyofthelake]

see the thing is that sometimes in a story you just have to believe that characters are in love because the story tells you they are and then there’s plot that happens. like romeo and juliet. or the babysitter killer queen. or riverdale or zombies or the pirates of the caribbean. and there’s nothing wrong that sometimes a romance is not central to the story but needed in order for the story to happen. however. you can’t write a Romance and then try to pull this cop out writing by having a political plotline that you then pretend is the main plot. no the main plot in red white royal blue is the romance. it’s a romance. but it’s written like the main plot is the political stuff and the romance is second. but we all know the romance is not second. basically it’s very badly written there’s not another way to say it. i feel bad saying it because i didn’t read the book so i’m not like informed on the primary sources but like. i’ve read like roughly ten pages of it via tiktok and from those pages and also tee’s haterism i have extrapolated that it is bad. so. like it’s just bad girls. it’s not well written. and i wish whoever wrote this movie had noticed the ways in which the book was not well written and taken the initiative to fix some of that shit. who is this guy i need them on my shit list immediately. ok matthew lópez former staff writer on the newsroom. well i don’t think he learned much from aaron. and ted malawer who’s previous credits are just from that glee knockoff show rise that the moana girl was in and two episodes of another show i’ve never heard of but ewan mcgregor is in it. he also executive produced what looks like a really shit movie. anyway. matthew. ted. go to hell. as for casey it’s a given that they’re ending up there anyway just for being the root cause of all this.

#also i am only a half hour into this rewatch. might give up for the night #movie august is in shambles #beth.txt

[jesse-eisenberg-interview]

For ‘Fleishman Is in Trouble,’ Claire Danes and Jesse Eisenberg Say I Do

In “Fleishman Is in Trouble,” Claire Danes and Jesse Eisenberg play two halves of a splintered couple.Credit...Thea Traff for The New York Times

The actors share a doomed union in this new FX series. In a joint interview, they discuss their own marriages and how it felt to depict such a contentious one.

By Alexis Soloski

Nov. 4, 2022

Marriage, the actress Claire Danes insisted, means sacrificing certain freedoms.

“That’s one of the great gifts of it,” she said. “But sometimes that shoe feels a little snug. There are moments when you’re like, ‘Actually, I would go in a different direction here.’”

“For me, I’m just so happy to have a shoe on,” said Jesse Eisenberg, her work husband.

In “Fleishman Is in Trouble,” FX’s limited series adaptation of Taffy Brodesser-Akner’s 2019 novel, Danes, 43, and Eisenberg, 39, star as Rachel and Toby Fleishman. Long married and recently separated, the Fleishmans — she’s a high-powered talent agent; he’s a hepatologist — inhabit the upper echelons of Manhattan’s Upper East Side. The first two episodes arrive on Hulu on Nov. 17, with a new episode each Thursday for six more weeks. (Brodesser-Akner, who wrote seven of the eight episodes, is a staff writer for The New York Times Magazine.)

On a recent afternoon, Danes (“Homeland,” “The Essex Serpent”) and Eisenberg (“The Social Network,” “When You Finish Saving the World”) met in an office at FX’s Manhattan headquarters with a “Fleishman”-like view of mid-rises and water towers. Danes is married to the actor Hugh Dancy, Eisenberg to the educator Anna Strout. But for about six months — despite having met only once more than a decade before, when Eisenberg was extremely high — they had to pretend to be married to each other in a show that shadows one union from early courtship to eventual implosion and beyond, tracing its breakdown with granular specificity and occasional double vision.

The novel argues that “beyond your point of view lies an abyss with a bubbling cauldron of fire, and that just beyond that abyss lies your spouse’s point of view.” And so the show stages some scenes from Rachel’s point of view and some from Toby’s. (The pilot was directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, executive producers who are themselves married.)

How was it playing a couple locked in a cycle of neglect, reproach and retaliation? “Very comfortable actually,” Danes said, kicking off her Jimmy Choos. Eisenberg, on the opposite end of the sofa, agreed: “She’s the greatest.”

They had a terrific work marriage, Danes confirmed, while “depicting a very bad, unhealthy, unnatural one.”

In an hour’s chat, as the autumn light outside the window turned the city golden, the two actors discussed marriage, divorce and dodgeball. These are excerpts from the conversation.

Did you know each other before this?

JESSE EISENBERG We did.

CLAIRE DANES I didn’t remember.

EISENBERG It’s a funny story.

DANES Tell the story.

EISENBERG My [future] wife took me to some benefit thing in Brooklyn, probably 15 years ago. I was the most stoned I’ve ever been. I was just talking to this woman, and I’m like, “I’ve met my soul mate.” I ran over to Anna. I was like, “That woman is amazing.” She was like, “That’s Claire Danes, good luck.”

So you met once. Then suddenly here you are, married. This show is such an intimate appraisal of a marriage. Can anyone on the outside ever understand what goes on inside a marriage?

DANES I think the people in it barely understand, and it changes over time. It is an astonishing invention. It’s imperfect. But I personally don’t have a better model. I am attracted to it and fascinated by it and find it a very worthwhile pursuit. It’s a way to continue exploring who you are and where you are.

EISENBERG It’s also an attractive prospect for me. The alternative is not interesting or desirable. My wife and I have had probably the same dynamic for the many, many years we’ve been together, the same arguments and the same joys. The TV show presents that. Except that this is a doomed marriage.

DANES In my actual relationship, when we were met with a certain level of stress that we were ill equipped to cope with, we had to develop techniques and strategies and skills to become a better functioning couple. Our characters were not able to do that. They got swallowed by points on their continuum that were just too hard. And they didn’t have the self-awareness or the self-possession or the guts to be honest with each other. They just retreated further and further.

When you were preparing for these roles, did you sit down and map out what this relationship had been, what their history was?

DANES Not really. We had a few dinners with Taffy and the cast, which were valuable. And we had rehearsals, abbreviated but dense, which were really effective because of these exercises that Jon and Val offered us. Writing exercises, primarily, which was very annoying, because Jesse is an actual writer and an excellent one. I was like, this isn’t fair.

EISENBERG I thought iambic pentameter was appropriate!

DANES But it did provide a lot of insight. Then we played dodgeball. I was wearing clogs, which I don’t recommend.

What do you think Rachel and Toby saw in each other in the first place?

DANES They do, actually, really like each other. They have easy, happy chemistry. They probably share a sense of humor. And they did have similar values once upon a time. He was her first true friend ever. I don’t think she would have left him had he not insisted on it.

EISENBERG The thing that attracts you to the person is what’s different about them. But that’s also what becomes their undoing, because the chasm between my character’s value system and hers is too wide.

DANES Are your parents still together?

EISENBERG My parents are married.

DANES My parents, too. They’ve been married for 55 years or something like that? They met at 18. At RISD [Rhode Island School of Design]. And they’re still very in love.

So how was it being married to each other for the camera?

DANES Very joyful. I love working with Jesse. He’s very gifted and very present and profoundly, almost pathologically generous — truly, really. And just an amazingly playful partner. It was so much fun tearing into each other.

EISENBERG That felt right, too. It felt good.

DANES What’s extraordinary about the novel, and now this interpretation of it: It’s very comic, but it’s also quite raw and wrenching. Threading that needle is fun, but a challenge. Rachel was tough for me, because she was so intensely polished in some ways and so profoundly fractured in others. Figuring out how to coordinate that was the trick of it. There are episodes where we hear his account, then we get hers. We shot those scenes, one after the other — that was very strange. It was like an acting exercise. It’s a matter of degrees.

EISENBERG Exactly. She would be 10 percent more hateful, more stubborn. Then my character would be more aloof and unaware of her pain.

So these were small changes.

DANES But consequential.

Do you think you could be married to each other in real life?

EISENBERG When I met Claire at that benefit, I immediately ran over to tell my wife that yes, I could be married to that person.

DANES And he was right, in a way. A little prescient there.

Parts of the show are very light, very funny; other parts are more intense. Did you take any of that home with you?

DANES It’s funny: With “Homeland,” the character was so very other, so alien, it was easy to compartmentalize. I got a little cocky about it. This one was a lot closer, a lot more reminiscent. Playing a married person with kids, I was at greater risk of taking it home than I have been with other projects, which surprised me. I had a couple of fights with Hugh, and I was like, “Whoa, this is not to do with us.” So that was humbling. And mildly distressing. But once I became aware of it, it was fine.

EISENBERG I had the exact same thing. I would have these arguments that end with, “You’ve always done this,” which is how Toby accuses Rachel. You spend 12 hours a day having a certain very specific resentment. You take that home and the circumstances overlap enough to the point where you might accuse your loving, sweet partner of the same thing.

DANES But the appreciation for Hugh was also so heightened, because I was living in this hell. It was so painful and so terrifying, deeply destabilizing. We really do need relationships. We can’t really cope in isolation. It’s just not how we function. There’s something very moving about that.

EISENBERG As actors, you sometimes get to run these social experiments, playing a character that might overlap with you enough to give you a sense of what you would be like in these circumstances. This was a great example, because I’m quite similar to Toby.

DANES It’s a real privilege to be able to explore those particularly daunting, intimidating, scary zones, but in the land of make-believe. So relatively safely.

So did you perform the thought experiment of what life would be like if you were suddenly single?

DANES Very, very rarely. I don’t know. Doesn’t seem good.

EISENBERG I was just thinking about it because in terms of the show, he’s dating again. And he’s completely untethered. It didn’t feel tantalizing in any way — it felt exhausting and unsatisfying. I didn’t experience singleness in the modern era, where you’d be using technology to meet people. It increases both the options and paranoia.

DANES I would find that particularly intimidating. And unnerving. I don’t think I would do that very well.

SOURCE

#jesse eisenberg #claire danes #fleishman is in trouble #2022

[riverstardis]

the best day of my life:

this episode🙄

“the camera is not my friend, it tends to give me the look of an undertaker. hardly a vote of confidence for prospective patients” the wording “prospective patients” is funny to me bc yknow i’m not sure the patients tend to shop around a&es prior to needing one sjdkfkf

aww david baked a lemon drizzle cake and called it “lemon misery”

SJDKFKKF lily comes in saying “man with a 12 inch—“ and max interrupts to say “guilty” 😭😭 but she just carries on “—laceration”

how did hanssen know elle again?

charlie’s still got the pills in his locker😬

ah there’s glen!

cal saying he’s due a hair of the dog and ethan’s like noo can we just have a quiet one and cal goes “what? no. where’s your stamina ethan?” he doesn’t have any because his body is NOT used to the amount of drinking he’s suddenly started doing😭😭

oh look there’s the delicatessen lady🙄

cal tries to convince ethan to ask her out but he says she’s a patient and cal goes “well that’s never stopped me” soo effie was just ethan being more cal? i don’t think this ethan would like 2018/19 ethan very much

“try not to be yourself. channel that knight magic. and don’t do anything i wouldn’t do” “…so anything?”

top 10 moments before disaster

i can’t watch this🫣

“anyone ever tell you you look like the milkybar kid?” “er my brother used to make me wear a neckerchief to school. which probably explains why i got beaten up so often.” poor ethan :((

i really don’t understand how anyone thought this was okay…

what gets me is that ethan sounds genuinely terrified which means that either that was written in the script and the writer somehow managed to justify ethan being terrified and playing it as a joke or it was an acting choice and george was trying to change the tone of the scene to what it should have been. not that it not being in the script would make it any better, it would be bad enough even without the fear in his voice😭

it’s funny how some of the background nurses seem to literally just be there for the male staff to flirt with. like there is absolutely no overlap between the ones we see actually working like tash and the ones who we see flirting

elle going snooping in charlie’s locker

she lured ethan in there to be a sperm donor🤬 who tf approved this

ethan saying “you don’t know anything about me” makes me think they did this just to highlight that if she had gotten pregnant the child could have hd without her knowing???? could they really not think of a better way to do that wtf😭😭

she apologised to him as if that makes it all fine wtf😭😭

“do you know how hard it is to make friends when you’re made to gallop into school pretending to be a cowboy?” 😭😭

sometimes it just hits me that cal’s dead😥

hitchhikers guide to the galaxy reference sjskfkk

max beating dylan at chess sjdkfk

on one hand it was weird that elle went looking in charlie’s locker but on the other connie saying she went on a witch hunt against him is a little dramatic and i do feel bad for her because she genuinely believed she was doing the right thing

rita’s tyres have been slashed :/

#classic casualty #the best day of my life

[aeoki]

High and Low: At World’s End - Chapter 13

Location: Outside ES II Characters: Hajime, Midori, Shinobu, Yuuta & Hiiro

Season: Autumn Writer: Akira

< Early the next morning in front of the “ES II” entrance, right after “Late Departure Group 3” arrives. >

Hajime: Ahh…

I’m so worried, just so worried… Tomoya-kun and the others are okay, right?

They’re not injured, are they? They’re having proper meals, right? They’re getting enough sleep at night, right? They’re not in any sort of trouble, are they?

Please say it is so, Takamine-kuuun!

Midori: Yeah… They’re fine. They’re probably fine.

Hajime: “Probably” isn’t good enough~! Please tell me they’re “definitely” fine!

Midori: Uhh, I can’t guarantee that… And if they’re actually not okay, then that’ll mean I’m lying and that’s way too much guilt for me to handle…

Hajime: Since you can’t guarantee that, that means things are looking bad for them, right? Does this mean I won’t be able to see Tomoya-kun and the others ever again? Uwaaaaah!

Yuuta: What on earth happened to Hajime-kun…?

Shinobu: Ahaha. Shino-dono is latched on to Midori-kun ~de gozaru ♪ Are you pretending to be a koala, Shino-dono?

Hiiro: Indeed. I thought Shino-kun had a more calm and relaxed personality.

One that watches over everyone warmly and tenderly like a mother.

I don’t really have many memories of my mother, so that’s just my guess. Mothers are usually written like that in books.

Yuuta: You don’t really remember your mother? Did she also pass away early like mine?

Hiiro: Indeed. I’m sure my older brother remembers what she was like, but I was a toddler who didn’t know anything about the world back then.

If I’m honest, I don’t even remember what she looked like.

Midori: Can you guys not talk about something so depressing right after arriving…?

It’s making me depressed. Makes me wanna die.

Hiiro: Indeed, I’m sorry. I’ll apologise if I made things gloomy.

I’m always like that. It’s a bad habit of mine.

Midori: That’s okay… I’m relieved Shinobu-kun and the rest of you guys got to Australia in one piece.

We’re getting a lot of stuff to do so we’re getting to the point where we can’t keep up… And Shino-kun gets more depressed as the days go by…

Hajime: That’s because I’m just so worried~! I haven’t gotten any news about Tomoya-kun and his group ever since that day!

Shinobu: I’m worried as well ~de gozaru… We were given a summary a little while ago, but actually, I got the gist of it after hearing Shino-dono rattling on and on about the situation.

Why are Tetora-kun and the others subjected to something like a punishment ~de gozaru?

Midori: We don’t know… We tried asking the staff at this “ES II” over and over.

But even though they’re also ES, no one knows about the happenings at the head office in Japan. Or more like, they’re not in a higher position to know stuff like that.

Hajime: Yes~... The staff at “ES II” were dispatched here sometime before and have been as busy as a bee in order to get things up and running.

It seems they hardly had any time to spare any attention to the head office.

Apparently, “ES II’s” priority is to firmly establish idol culture in Australia and doesn’t really know anything else.

Midori: Yeah… They did contact the ES in Japan for us.

But they responded with something like, “Just as it’s written in the proposal ES accepted, Tetora-kun and his group are just cast in a TV show, so there’s nothing to worry about~”

Hajime: Well, I suppose that’s true… It seems “High and Low” is an official project.

Hiiro: But according to what I’ve heard, Captain Nagumo and his group didn’t intend on being on that suspicious travel show, right?

Midori: Hmm… I smell a conspiracy…

Hiiro: Even if it is a conspiracy, why would anyone do such a thing?

Yuuta: …Well, we should try and look into the areas we’re curious about.

But putting that aside, we’ve got to fulfil our own work as well.

Hajime: That’s true too~... Uuu, you’re not worried about your older brother, Yuuta-kun?

Yuuta: Not really, he can basically survive anywhere.

Hajime: That’s not true, surely? Hinata-kun is a child the same age as you.

There's no way he’s not struggling after being tossed out to another country with little to no preparation, right?

He must be having such a difficult time. I think you’re a little heartless for not caring for your family member like that!

Yuuta: …Is he going to be rescued if I worry about him?

Hajime: That’s not what I’m saying but–

Yuuta: Do you think I’m really not worried about my brother?

Hajime: ………

Yuuta: But he’s really fine even if I don’t worry about him. He won’t ever abandon me, after all.

It’s just not possible. It’s always been like that and it’ll definitely be like that in the future, too.

Hajime: H-How can you be so sure? Is Hinata-kun an invincible hero or some kind of god?

Yuuta: A-Aniki’s always like that, so…

← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

#high and low

[wrongpublishing]

BOOK REVIEW: AHH! THAT'S WHAT I CALL HORROR!

by Elizabeth Broadbent, Staff Writer.

The 1990s: a time when, as Devon Sawa’s Instagram recently pointed out, all us beeyotches smelled like sun-ripened raspberry and Marlboro Lights (if you don’t follow @ d.sawa, you should; Tiger Beat has grown up hot and hilarious, way better than his floppy-haired heartthrob days). I have a certain misguided fondness for that before time, during which I wore a crocheted bikini to a Bush concert and spent my days alternately hating high school and smoking pot behind a derelict mall somewhere across the Delaware state line. This baffles me, because in general, I spent the ‘90s as a miserable wreck of a human, but pipe in “Champagne Supernova” and I start wailing along with Liam Gallagher. Go figure. So when Carson Winter tipped me off to an actual anthology of ‘90s horror, I sort of lost my mind.

It lived up to his hype. Featuring fourteen tales chock-full of ‘90s nostalgia, AHH! That’s What I Call Horror: An Anthology of ‘90s Horror, edited by Chelsea Pumpkins, not only brought back the decade (sometimes too vividly), it also included some damn good stories. Win. Channeling everything from the early days of the internet to a zombie Kurt Cobain-ish guy (Soundwave 4eva), this book cracked me up with half-forgotten throwbacks and freaked me out with genuinely creepy moments—often in the same story: hahaha, I’m headcannoning Miss Cleo—then S.E. Denton smacked me upside the head. Someone’s got giant bangs, ha—JESUS CHRIST BRIDGET D. BRAVE, WTF?! God, this Hat Man is freaky—throatpunch from Chelsea Pumpkins! 

That’s only stories #1, #2, and #3. 

I could continue, but I won’t, except to say to say that “Nona’s First and Last Album Drop,” Edith Lockwood’s contribution, was so painfully true-to-life that it hurt my soul, and unless you were actually cool in high school, and I know you weren’t because you’re reading this right now, you will also cringe in recognition. It will be a good cringe. It will also hurt you. 

I once pretended to like Nine Inch Nails and called the lead singer “Fred Reznor,” okay?!

Seriously: for all the nostalgia, you could erase the ‘90s from this anthology, and you’d still have a great collection. While the concept’s a spectacular springboard, and it’s a fun tie-in, and yes it makes everything better, these are damn good stories in and of themselves. I genuinely enjoyed them not just for the Beanie Babies factor, but also for the great plots and the creepy moments. They play with different horror tropes, too, so there’s something for everything—if you yawn at one, you’ll love another. That’s the mark of any good anthology. Diversity’s important; too much of the same will turn off a reader who’s not into a certain niche.

Basically: loved it, bought it, will read it again. In fact, read Carson Winter’s “Alive and Living (Pilot)” and J.W. Donley’s “The Final Away Game” more than once already. 

Anyway, here’s “Wonderwall.”

#review #gothic fiction #fiction #short fiction #gothic literature #book review #horror books #fiction review #horror fiction #horror literature #indie lit #indie literature #indie horror #horror anthology #horror collection #horror review

[linseedlings]

ok I’ve been stuck in quarantine for 6 weeks and here are some jjk nuggets that I’ve been mulling over

I’m gonna talk about:

Mai and the weird tradw;fe bullshit the zenin clan’s got going on

The fact that Yuji used to have zero/zilch/nada friends

How i don’t think Gojo can leave Japan I literally just saw him in Kenya

Is Nobara in credit card debt?????

manga spoilers below, but this is mostly me speculating

Mai & being stuck in a fundamentalist hell hole

So we know that Mai was forced to attend Jujutsu Tech after Maki left. We know that she would have rather lived a quiet, domestic, and forgettable life. We know that she hated everyone that bent the course of her short life.

Her technique allows her to make something out of nothing, and it’s usually used as a last ditch effort. It echoes her character arc and it is very very sad.

Maki acted as a lightning rod for criticism. She worked the hardest, she wanted to be seen, and she had a lot to prove. But she wasn’t doing any of this for Mai’s sake.

I think that the rift between them formed gradually. The louder Maki was, the easier it was for Mai to sink into the background. Understandably, I don’t think that Mai ever intervened when she saw her sister being reprimanded/abused. She tried to help in her own small ways at first, cutting up fruit like their mom used to do. This didn’t last. She came to learn that avoiding Maki was the only way to preserve her social standing.

She remembers how the warnings her mother gave her; to never complain or scowl no matter how vulgar the boys get; to never upstage them during training; to show Maki up wherever she can; that her reputation would be ruined by the smallest scar; that her father’s reputation would sink if she couldn’t produce children of quality. Mai knows that her body doesn’t belong to her and she hates it.

Mai has never considered a reality where Maki leaves. When the rug is pulled out from under her, she falls. She barely has any skills she can rely on, and scrambles to catch up. All of her inadequacies are suddenly on display. People look at her differently, like all they’re waiting for her skin to mar and her value to plummet. But what can she do? Mai Zenin cannot be a proper woman and a proper sorcerer at the same time. She doesn’t really want to be either.

Utahime understands this, and Momo does too. They encourage her to focus on long range techniques; to stay out of sight and keep tricks up her sleeve. They meet up at cafes and talk about their futures. Mai doesn’t want to run away like Maki did. She just wants to graduate, meet someone nice with pretty hair, move far, far away from Kyoto, and never have any children.

Also has anyone else noticed the kids at Kyoto Jujutsu Tech are like…. A little extra fucked up. I feel like they should have a student union or something those kids are way too stressed out.

Yuji didn’t have any friends. Like none.

I’m paraphrasing some of the stuff i put in the tags of this post! It’s mostly talking about the first couple of chapters.

I’m not saying he was unpopular or anything, but I don’t think Yuji’s ever had a chance to form a deeper/meaningful relationship with someone before he got to Jujutsu Tech.

I know it’s a weird thing to say since he’s so authentic and outgoing, but he just didn’t have the time. He made his Grandpa his first priority, and really, truly felt a deep responsibility to make sure he was cared for and comfortable.

In middle school, I feel like people kept inviting him to things, but he said “no” so often that they eventually stopped asking. He doesn’t really harbor any resentment towards them though, which is kind of refreshing?? Like he doesn’t expect anyone to show up for him. He’s so used to being independent that he doesn’t even think to miss emotional support.

No one really calls him after he transfers schools either. No one checks up on him or asks him how he’s doing. I don’t think he remembered to give Setsuko and Iguchi from the Occult Club his number. If anyone could just up and leave to go to Jujutsu Tech, it would be a kid like this who doesn’t have anyone looking out for him. Thank god they got to him before the culling game.

I think that’s what made the whole Junpei situation hit as hard as it did. Yuji knows what it’s like to not have friends. He knows what it’s like to grieve alone, and he’s able to empathize when someone is lashing out in pain. To be honest I felt like they had the most genuine friendship in the series!! I’m never going to be ok!!!!!!!

Also one more tidbit: Setsuko and Iguchi are PERSONALLY escorted out of the culling game by Kenjaku. The kids who knew him for like what? Less than a semester?? It really goes to show that even the smallest interactions can have a positive impact on someone’s life. I mean they found the first finger so it could also be related to that but they were really nice to Yuji. Love them.

I really love Yuji’s character arc like… he’s just a good person. The Higuruma arc?? Relatable content chefs kiss I’m gonna reread it later.

I don’t think Gojo can vacation outside of Japan

Well, technically he could, but the thought of it makes him anxious.

He knows what his presence means to Jujutsu society. If he left for even a weekend the higher ups might get cocky and expedite an execution. A special grade curse could appear in the middle of Shimokitazawa. Someone he knows might disappear again.

He’s thought about experimenting with teleportation overseas - somewhere close like Jeju Isalnd in South Korea - but it’s a little risky. There are some variables due to Tengen’s barrier that might interfere with the technique. It might be fine both ways, or it might only work one way, or it might fail at the barrier’s border. He wants to avoid his teleportation failing over the ocean, or even worse, wasting 5 hours at the airport trying to get a flight back home.

However he DOES have a passport. He got it to create extra work for the higher ups. It’s someone’s job to check his visa status daily. When he’s bored he applies for travel visas just to fuck with them.

When someone (especially Nanami) goes abroad, he always asks if they brought him a souvenir. Surprisingly, they usually bring back some local sweets. They know that he doesn’t really go on vacation and they feel bad for him.

If he could go somewhere, it would either be India or France (for dessert purposes)

Is Nobara in Credit Card Debt???

Ok so I don’t know what they’re paying these kids but I DO KNOW what it’s like to move to a big city with a lot of designer stores. Sometimes I walk past them just to feel something.

I’m gonna guess they get a pretty high stipend, like $60k USD per year? And they don’t have to pay rent or tuition, so that’s purely spending money.

So, she moves to Tokyo from the country with a big ol paycheck. She’s gonna do some shopping, and buy some high quality basics like jackets, shoes, makeup, etc. If she walks up to checkout and they offer her 20% off to sign up for a store credit card, she’s going to say yes every single time.

Just don’t check your bank account it’s fine!!

Until she gets her first credit card statements in the mail. How did she sign up for 12 different credit cards? How did she spend $2000 in one week??? Why is the interest rate so high???

She asks Yuji for help, since he’s actually pretty good at budgeting. However, He’s never seen a bill with this many zeroes, so he called Nanami instead. He tells him to come immediately, it’s an emergency.

Surprisingly, Nanami really does treat this like an extreme financial emergency. (He also used to have a bit of shopping problem. When he started his job in finance, it was all designer all the time in an attempt to keep with with his clients. It took him a while to get out of that hole)

He consolidates all of the debt onto one good cashback credit card with a generous sign on bonus, and helps her come up with a plan to pay it all off. He also teaches them about the importance of investing in staple pieces, and warns them about the peril of lifestyle creep.

I wonder if they have like? Any sort of financial literacy courses for these kids to take? I’m so curious about what their daily schedule looks like. What’s the highest level of math they have to take?? Gojo is their only teacher right???

Anyways thanks for reading this far! I hope you have a good day!!

#mai zenin #maki zenin #zenin family #yuji itadori #junpei #gojo satoru #kento nanami #Nobara kugisaki #jjk #jjk headcanons #sometimes i like to pretend I’m a staff writer #i love Nobara i hope geto brings her back soon #refusing to believe she died offscreen

[binas-idea-vault]

The Cost of Success (Chapter 1)

FIRST CHAPTER LET'S GO i'm very excited for this since it's the first part of a series with the amazing @gh0st1esbl0g (they're a very talented writer and amazing person who'll be writing the even chapters for this series! i'll be linking the chapters they write on my masterlist so keep an eye out for that)

please be warned that later on in the series there will be some yandere themes so if that is a trigger for you please don't read under the cut (and again i would highly suggest blocking the yandere tag)

you started out as a simple performer at the Archway casino, a small casino, definitely smaller than the other casinos the city had to offer, but still enjoyable to be a part of. a simple little place lacking the neon signs and big glass doors framed with gold other casinos had. no glittery exterior, no red carpet at the entrance to greet patrons with, none of that stuff. frankly it didn’t feel like a casino at times, just an over glorified restaurant with some gambling haphazardly thrown in. the alcohol was alright, the gambles were at a decent price and it wasn’t too big of a place with a subpar star performer named Starr (which no one believed was her real name) to boot (at least in the opinion of most critics).

eventually Starr left, quitting after a dramatic scene with Mr.Mônette. something about them not getting paid nearly enough for how talented they were, Reader wasn’t sure. it wouldn’t surprise them though, if Starr left because of not being paid enough. recently the casino was going a bit under, barely making enough to keep running so budget cuts were inevitable. but with the stage show starting in 5 minutes they needed a new star act and they needed one now.

so here they were, hurriedly making sure there costume was on correctly and that they remembered their number. Reader definitely did not expect to be pushed into a dressing room and named the star but life happens sometimes. hopefully, they didn’t make a fool of themself on stage. not that they wanted to be dramatic but their performance tonight could make or break the Archway casino, and everybody backstage knew it.

~Technoblade POV~

Technoblade did not want to be here, not when he could be relaxing in his own casino, enjoying a Diamond Martini and exchanging stories with his trusted staff. staff that was certainly dressed more elegantly than any of the patrons in this disgrace of a casino. but alas he was here, invited to the Archway casino for some last ditch effort by Mr.Mônette to keep his 'casino' and prevent the Syndicate from buying the property and turning it into whatever they wanted. and whilst Technoblade could appreciate the determination of the owners when he was in a good mood, he was definitely not in a good mood. his subpar drink wasn't helping matters.

“i wonder why they want to keep this place. sure it’s nice and all but they’d walk away with more money if they sold to us than this casino could probably ever make.” Technoblade’s companion spoke, a young woman named Niki who had recently earned a spot as one of the heads of the family. she was charismatic, with a charming voice and an acute sense of the emotions of others. her ability to read people and act accordingly was invaluable to the Syndicate mafia, a natural talent that couldn't be trained into someone. “sentimental value maybe?” she continued on as she stirred her drink, not bothering to even pretend she enjoyed it. before Technoblade could respond the lights dimmed in the casino, indicating the show was about to begin.

he’d seen the show before and frankly it wasn’t all too special, just some washed up performer pretending they were the best. frankly Technoblade’s background performers could easily out sing that poor soul. they were probably starting the stage show as well and he had full confidence it would go without a hitch, even with the spot of a star performer vacant. nothing happened to Rain, the former star, they just saved up enough money and decided to leave SMP City behind them and move on to a more peaceful life. Technoblade could understand why Rain wanted out of the city, being a bar singer wasn't a career that could be held for life and they had no family keeping them in the city. Technoblade wished them the best, like he did with all employees who moved on from casino life. it's not like their leaving had much affect on the flow of the casino. Eret was fully prepared for any event and already had group acts to replace the solo performances. Eret was the best at what she did, they always knew how to get their performers confident and prepared. The casino was in good hands, and would be just fine without him.

“i heard Starr just walked out.” Niki said, bringing Technoblade out of his thoughts, “Mr.Mônette had to get a replacement and everything.”. “well their dedication to having a show is admirable,” he responded, “but we'll have to see if dedication is enough for a good show, they know how much is riding on this one.”.

and with that, the curtain rose.

#dream smp x reader #technoblade x reader #yandere technoblade x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #dream smp mafia au

[vidalinav]

Because You’re an Asshole (One-shot)

Contains ACOSF Spoilers. 

Look, Cassian needs to drink some respect Nesta Archeron juice (as they all do). I hope to god he gains some perspective in this book, and he doesn’t continue this stupidity of reducing Nesta to butchery status. (Raises glass) Here’s hoping this lug nut starts making an effort. But this fic is purely self-indulgent because well... I’m the fic writer. So I can do what I want. 

Summary: Nesta rejects Cassian in front of the Inner Circle (Takes place in my head a couple of months after first 6 chapters)

Nesta wouldn’t say she had changed much, but to her sister and their group of friends she’d say she might as well have been a different person. For they pretended not to stare as she arrived with Cassian in tow. Some extraterrestrial creature in the middle of a restaurant.

She greeted the owner, Sevenda, lifting her lips into a polite smile and nodding when she caught Nesta’s gaze.

“Hello, sweet girl,” The female gushed, “I didn’t think you were helping out today... please don’t tell me one of the others conned you into taking their shift.”

Nesta shook her head shyly as Cassian told the female they were meeting the rest of them for a late dinner. Sevenda kissed him on the cheek, and Nesta wondered how one person could show so much affection when she could barely muster a proper laugh.

Truthfully, the only reason she made it to this dinner at all was because Bryaxis had asked her to. He’d been in the middle of telling her how the stars moved on an axis, and how the shadows were often wandering souls. He had so many stories to tell in that dark place in the library, but he’d wanted stories too. He was persistent, pushy…persuasive and Nesta could not let down her new friend when all he wanted to do was know about the outside world.

Nesta knew enough about being ostracized. She felt for the monster for she was a monster too. Cast away to the darkened ends of the library.  

But, Nesta wanted this night to be over. She’d promised Bryaxis ten minutes and ten minutes only. She could survive that long on fake grins.  

She tried not to sigh audibly as Sevenda showed them to the table, where the others already sat. Laughing loudly... then quieting to silence as they neared.

Nesta should have felt offended. But she couldn’t find it in herself to care too much.

The night would be over soon enough anyways.

True, Amren had visited her in the library just last week and they’d been cordial. She saw Mor on a regular basis to winnow to Windhaven, and Azriel was always there. It seemed odd to her now that they stared as if she were someone new. Someone they didn’t know at all.

Perhaps, though, it was because she’d agreed to come in the first place and when she did, she’d allowed Cassian to accompany her there. Though she suspected the offer was more because they were all still wary of her change, her calmness.

Nesta wouldn’t have called it that herself.

She hadn’t stopped being angry, she’d been born angry. Raged and kicked her way to this world.

Nesta just merely stopped... fighting back.

There was a peace in that, she supposed. Even if the thought sometimes made her want to hurt something and then herself for letting it happen.

Most of the time she was just detached enough to smile when someone called her name and when they left she’d go back to staring off into space, the dust like hidden galaxies floating through the filtered sunlight. It was what Nesta liked about the library in truth. That most didn’t bother her when she’d looked out the array of windows, up on those tall ladders, ready to see Velaris in a tiny frame.

In this way, the world was a lot smaller than she’d realized.

Less frightening.

And because the world was less frightening, the people in it, too, were less mean. She’d wandered after her workday, tired, but with a furious curiosity for more, like a hunger she couldn’t satisfy, and she’d ended up here. At Sevenda’s--the female greeting her and offering her a meal, even when Nesta told her she didn’t have the money to pay.

On the house then, the female said.

It was the best meal she’d ever had and Nesta had come back every time she could. Helping with the books, with inventory, while the owner patted her on the shoulder, her cheek, and brought her something new to try. Like a doting grandmother.

It felt odd, she thought seeing the rest in a large booth to the wall. This place, too, did not belong to her...

“No need to order,” the female proclaimed, “I know what you all like.”

Nesta waited for Cassian to scooch into the booth before she sat on the outskirts. Easy access to the door. Easy to leave.

But the others didn’t bother her much. Distantly, as if Nesta was not in the room, she could hear their voices begin again. To each other of course. Never to her. Though she’d accepted it long ago that she would never be what they wanted. They would never be what she needed.  

Cassian laughed. The sound hurting her ears. He never laughed like that with her. Nesta supposed she wasn’t that funny… and she wasn’t really his friend.

Instead, Nesta looked to the restaurant. Alive in all it’s glory. Loud and bright. She looked to the waitstaff. Most of them she’d met already, worked with some of them, and they smiled or waved when they saw her. Nesta lifted her hand to greet them, too.

One of the girls, Amina, brought out waters for the table.

Amina grinned when she saw her there.

But she did not leave when the cups had been set. Instead, she lingered, lowering her voice and leaning  towards her. “We’re going to the symphony tomorrow if you want to come.”

“And you must come,” Sevenda said, coming from behind with a plate of appetizers in her hand. Something to tide them over.  

Nesta blinked at the two females, unsure of what to say—what to do.

“I’ve never been to symphony before,” Nesta answered.

Sevenda set the bread in the middle of the table, and then raised a hand to her chest dramatically. “You’ll just adore it. Grand tales, handsome males, intriguing music all around. Perhaps, I’ll gather more of the staff and we’ll make a whole day of it.”

Nesta shook her head, waving her hands slightly. “You’re pretty busy, you don’t have to—”

“Nonsense, sweet girl,” She said, raising a hand to Nesta’s cheek. She could feel the warmth on her face. “Nobody would be too busy for you.”

Nesta smiled at that, a testament to how much she had changed that she’d allowed the touch and a triumph at how Nesta felt something other than nothing at all.

“I’ll be right back,” Sevenda noted chipperly. “Eat some bread.”

As the female left, Nesta didn’t want to look at the rest of the group, didn’t want to see how they would judge her, didn’t want to see if she cared or not. They’d meant to heal her. Did they think they were successful?

Cassian gazed down at her, his eyes uncommonly fond. All Nesta thought was that she was probably not embarrassing any longer.

She wondered if seeing her tolerated by others made him realize that she was tolerable.

Because, Nesta had not been tolerable to him this morning.

“You know, we can go to the symphony,” Cassian suggested, the apples of his cheeks blooming a dust of red. Nesta’s brows furrowed at the words. Her lips tilting down into an expression that might have been quizzical. "Some time... together I mean.”

Nesta looked at the others, but it seemed they were trying not to snicker, or they were too curious at what she would do. Rhysand tried to hide his smirk, Azriel held onto the bridge of his nose, Mor raised a brow as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, Amren took a sip of wine, rolling her eyes, and Feyre... well Feyre looked to her.

Say something, her eyes seemed to say.

But Nesta went to gaze at the people around her, happy and conversing at their own tables. The noise a rum drum lur of heartbeats and shouts and quiet whispers of some things she’d never be able to listen to even if she tried to read their lips.

This was... life, she thought. A cacophony of angry yells and laughter.

She’d almost forgotten what it sounded like...

But it wasn’t because of him that she could now recognize the notes. A song Nesta desperately wanted to hear. It wasn’t because of them at this table... and Nesta wondered what made Cassian suggest this. In front of his friends.

Did he think she would not easily reject him?

Didn’t he know she was a private person?

“Cassian, what’s my favorite color?”

He simply blinked, surprised by her words. She waited for his answer, but it never came.  

Nesta continued.

“What’s my favorite drink?” She asked.

Still Cassian said nothing.

“What time do I usually get up in the morning? It’s certainly not the time I’m forced to train with you.”

Cassian didn’t answer and instead of it making her angry, it just made her irrevocably sad.

“How about... my favorite book?”

“You’ve read so many how could you choose,” he said. Nesta huffed a laugh.

She’d read the same book for the past three months because she couldn’t stand to open a new one. There was something about the familiarity that comforted her and the thought of meeting new characters, entering new worlds scared her for reasons she was only beginning to understand. That book had been sitting in the living room every morning. Every night.

Nesta leaned forward, her cheek resting on her palm. The action made her breasts push up in her dress and she noticed the way his eyes lingered on them.

“No?” She asked, somberly, shaking her head. “How about the food I hate. The thing I’m most scared of.  Excited about... Nothing?”

Nesta waved her hand, her voice growing louder, “I mean I know you know how little I eat, how bad I fight, how much weight I’ve lost. You’re very good about reminding me. But do you know... where I even go in the evenings?”

She looked down wrinkling her nose as she huffed a laugh, “You know I get nightmares every night... you must hear them in that room above mine.” She pointed to Azriel. “He does. He asked me about them once. I think I told him some lie or another... but have you ever asked? Have you even asked how I’ve been doing? How I feel? You certainly didn’t ask whether I wanted to train with you but of course that was settled fairly quickly.”  

She took a deep breath, waiting for him to speak but he didn’t. Nesta fiddled with her napkin, unfolding it and then looked to the ceiling. She could see the dust float around the rounded lights.

“You know I hate to do this in front of your friends,” She lifted a hand in their direction, looking to Cassian once more. “I’m sure they have such high opinions of you. Their opinions of me, of course, are already very low. A bitch, I’m assuming is what I’ll be called today. Probably, to make your pride feel a little bit better. A little less wounded... Maybe they’ll believe it themselves too, because well,” Nesta shrugged, “the evidence is already there. It’s the nature of the circumstances I suppose.”

“It’s rather funny I think,” though Nesta didn’t laugh. “You don’t know anything about me. You want to go on a date?”

She lifted her hands up. Innocence personified. “I mean I’m assuming that what’s you meant by us going together to the symphony. We’re clearly not close enough to presume a casual friendly outing and everyone in this room and their mothers know we have some sort of history or they wouldn’t ask about it every time they see me or whisper it when they see us together.”

She smiled, her cheeks straining from the pull. “But for all that history... you know nothing about me. Instead, you have confused your emotions for ‘I’m sure she’s such a good fuck.’ Was it the boobs, the ass? The face maybe? I get that all the time.” Nesta gestured to the room around them, aware that she was making a scene, “Ask anyone of these males who’ve slept with me, I’m sure you’ll find one at any given moment...”

She clasped her hands together, crossing her legs as if she were holding a business meeting. Nesta raised a shoulder. “But at least they didn’t pretend. When they wanted to sleep with me, well... they just said they wanted to sleep with me. Unfortunately, if that’s what you want, you’ll have to buy me a drink first because I’ll have to be much drunker than this.”

Nesta leaned back in her seat. She couldn’t stop fidgeting, like the adrenaline had made her want to fight. She inhaled audibly, a low sound, exhaling lightly.

Cassian looked ashamed.

She tilted her head at that expression, feeling much calmer already.

“Look. As much I hate to admit this, a strict routine has done me some good. Maybe that’s why I can speak these words so truthfully,” Nesta said, her voice casual. “But do not ever think I have forgotten that I am as much a prisoner in my own body that I am in the House of Wind. I have little choice in anything regarding my life, even before this war. But this... I can choose this.”

Nesta refused to look at the rest of them as she lifted a hand to her neck, rubbing the muscle, suddenly tired and achy. “Not only have you bombarded my life in ways I didn’t expect nor ask for, you consistently touch me without my permission, get into my space when I am uncomfortable, push me when I am irritated. Why would I want to go out with you—A male who does not respect me?”

“I hope you didn’t think that me healing or whatever you called it,” She gestured away, “meant we’d be together... Time has already changed, unfortunately. Without us knowing it has slipped us by. Drifted right through our fingers...” She took a breath, staring at the lights on the ceiling. “We’re different people now...”

Nesta looked him straight in the eyes. Willed him to listen to her, really listen. “I won’t wait 500 years for you. I want more.” She shrugged, the light of Cassian’s eyes dimming. “I want better.”

She picked up her things, piling the plates and cup on top of each other. Making sure the napkin was neatly folded. Nesta swallowed, the heaviness setting in. She peered up at Cassian, his hair wild, stray pieces falling out from the leather band. His eyes bright and a hollow amber. “I want you to know that it isn’t because you’re a bastard. I’m sure you’ll think that when you go over this conversation later. But I’m not rejecting you because you’re a bastard... It’s because you’re an asshole.”

Nesta stood up to leave, but Cassian grabbed her hand. She peered down at him. He’d always been taller than her. It seemed odd to see him so small.

“What about me? You don’t know anything about me either.”

Nesta laughed, a small, short sound. “Your favorite color is red.”

Mor’s favorite color, too.

“Your favorite food? Stew, because it reminds you of Illyria. You’re scared of thunder, because it makes you think of your wings being shredded, or at least that’s what you told Azriel when you didn’t think I was paying attention. You like to drink whiskey when something bad happens, but rum when you're celebrating, and you have nightmares too. I suspect they’re probably the same as mine.”

She smiled at him, a melancholic tilt of her lips for those bittersweet memories—for those bittersweet dreams. Cassian looked dejected and she wanted to smooth away the lines with her fingers, but she’d been hurt for far too long from far too many people who’d promised they protect her, so Nesta clenched her fists instead.

“I’m glad we had this chat today.” She looked around the table, grimacing as she tried to smile. The others looked to her as if they were seeing her for the first time. This girl who’d calmy told the commander to go fuck himself. “Please don’t invite me to anymore of these.”

And with that Nesta left, nodding a farewell to Sevenda, coming out with a large tray of food. Two minutes and she was already making her way out the door.  

~

You know these really make me feel better about everything I have to process. But I am so tired, because I can’t sleep waiting for this book. So is this fic good? I don’t know. I can barely read it through.  

But I keep ranting, like everyday. 

So, one rant=one mini fic 

lol so now I have to go write the Nesta sticks up for Cassian fic (which is different than I think you’ll think it is) My work performance is really going to go down this week. But at least this one is uwu status (i.e. fluff--mostly)

Bye.

#acosf spoilers #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #acosf #nessian fanfiction

[levihantrash]

Shitty Comics and Their Shitty Artists

Levi’s pragmatism pulled the brakes. “I’m not about to dedicate my life to become a broke comic artist.”

Levi Ackerman, a gruff cleaner with an appetite for toilet humour meets the unabashedly friendly creative writing professor, Hange Zoë, who somehow ropes Levi into working on a comic with them. While the comic’s title remains undecided, Hange knows that it’s going to be set in a world where giant, human-like creatures devour other humans. Erwin Smith, the comic’s self-appointed editor, unironically thinks it’s going to be a hit. All Levi knows is that he wants to indulge in drawing this comic while hanging out with a certain writer who just won’t stop talking to him.

Where Hange, Levi, and Erwin are the creators of Attack on Titan.

Chapter 1:

“The sweets are really good here, huh?” A kind, bespectacled face appeared beside him, peering at the bulging of his shirt.

Levi had stolen from the pantry plenty of times. He had never gotten caught, so his gradual boldness could have been the problem. He had seen Mikasa, his younger sister, whenever she passed by the snacks section in the grocery store. Her gaping mouth at the sight of the colourful assortment of sweets was enough to let him know.

“I just like looking!” Mikasa said hastily. He hadn’t said anything either.

To be caught now, when he had overheard a staff member mentioning that most of the professors would be taking their leave during the summer break, was just his bad, bad luck. Objectively, he was risking his month-old job, but stealing from the pantry was much less risky than stealing from the grocery store. He began doing it weekly. Every Monday, right before the professors came streaming in, he would take a quick survey of his surroundings, and snatch two chocolate bars, sometimes a banana—only a handful. He would glance at the security camera hanging in the corner, willing it to catch him. Nobody would be petty enough to arrest a cleaner for swiping staff snacks in the pantry, right?

Levi stared back at the unfamiliar person. He recognised most of the staff by now. Only the English Literature professor, Erwin Smith, would greet him in the mornings.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Hange Zoë, the new creative writing professor. Nice to meet you!” They extended out a hand, which he felt obliged to shake, albeit warily. The hand was sweaty, and the handshake, vigorous.

“I was setting up my table and I wanted to meet everyone. Turns out most of them are on vacation,” Hange said absent-mindedly, scratching their head. The two buttons of their shirt had been mixed up, scrunching up the dress shirt's already lopsided collar. Levi resisted the urge to rebutton it for them. Today was not the day to scare off what seemed to be a genuinely welcoming person. Hange, on the other hand, found the firm handshake hilarious. What made this person so uptight?

Hange, realising that he wasn’t saying anything, breezily went, “what’s your name?”

“Levi,” he said, pushing his hands back into his pockets.

“You don’t prefer Dr. Levi?” Hange asked curiously.

“I’m not a professor. Just the cleaner,” Levi said shortly.

“Oh? Is that why you’re so secretive about the snacks?” Hange teased him, much to his chagrin.

“You rich profs have enough to eat,” Levi spat out.

Hange didn’t even blink, nodding calmly, “you’re right, it’s certainly good to make full use of the school’s resources.” Levi, sensitive to any hint of condescension, found none, though not regretting his overdose of sarcasm.

“Also,” Hange added, “I’m not going to tell anyone, I promise! So could you not look like you want to kill me and leave my dead body in the cleaning closet?”

Levi scoffed, relaxing the fists that had formed naturally by his side.

“Do you like bread?” Hange asked suddenly, scanning him for signs of the affirmative. He shrugged.

“I passed by a bakery this morning and it had the most delicious smell,” they sighed, “I was running late so I couldn’t get anything.”

“It seems like you’re kind of a mess.”

Hange laughed—this person could literally laugh at everything, Levi thought. They lifted their shoulders with their arms in the air, in a manner of “I was born like this, what do you want me to do?”

As the conversation subsided, Hange saw Levi’s eyes dart towards the neglected mop and bucket, finding it oddly endearing.

“Well then! I won’t disturb you any longer!” Hange announced. Levi wanted to tell them that they weren’t disturbing him at all, before stopping himself. His initial plan was to escape from useless small talk. Uttering such absurdity would be counterintuitive.

“Since you’re here,” Hange grabbed the last few packets of chips in the basket and stuffed them into his gigantic apron pockets, “you might as well take the rest!”

“Are you pitying me?”

“Those snacks aren’t for you,” Hange merely said cheerfully, before tentatively asking, “or am I wrong?”

“Don’t expect any favours,” Levi said begrudgingly.

He looked awkwardly at the distracted professor, who had chosen to open a chocolate bar themselves.

“Thanks…” he said, and Hange only grins, bits of chocolate and almond stuck to their teeth.

----------

Routine, that’s how it all began. Levi and Hange were seeing each other every day. In each encounter, Hange would tug out a new bread or pastry from the depths of a green, bottomless leather bag that they carried around everywhere.

Initially, Levi felt offended. “You think I can’t afford bread?” He asked, narrowing his eyes.

Hange’s eyes widened, “of course not! I want to share the joy of this bread, if you remember that bakery I was craving for,” they poked at the loaf, leaving a small dent in the middle.

With their hand still extended out, Hange scoured for words, “and you look like someone who doesn’t often indulge in little joys.”

“I didn’t ask you to psychoanalyze me.” Levi grabbed the bread, tore it into two, and pushed one entire piece into his mouth. A muffled word of thanks came out. The other half was planted back onto Hange’s palm.

“You said you wanted to share, didn’t you?”

Hange glowed in acknowledgement. They stuffed the warm bread into their mouth, cheeks full, incoherently raving about its texture. The sight of Levi chewing the bread contentedly after unexpectedly cramming it into his mouth; Hange wanted to preserve it, to immortalise this tentative pleasure. If fresh bread was what it took to achieve that, it was perfectly doable.

Levi saw it as what it was. An offering. There was really no reason to reject free bread, and if this were Hange’s version of bribery, it was innocent enough.

“Why don’t I get bread?” Erwin asked Hange, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Levi’s nose wrinkled at the overly strong aroma.

“Sorry Erwin!” Hange patted him on the back, not sounding apologetic at all, “I only have money for one friend and since Levi is my first friend here, it’s only fair, don’t you think?”

“Certainly,” Erwin said, sipping on his black coffee, eyeing a certain stony-faced individual’s violent coughing at Hange’s mention of “friend.”

“What?” Levi asked, clearing his throat one more time.

“Good day to you both,” Erwin said, sweeping past Levi to return to his desk.

Following the end of summer break, Hange became relatively friendly with their colleagues in the staffroom, who had never greeted Levi. Unbothered by the lack of formalities, Levi found himself getting along best with living things that discarded general rules of propriety. Like children, animals… and Hange. Still, when Levi trailed back to the staffroom, wet mop in hand, he found himself at a hearing distance behind Hange’s conversation with a group of colleagues.

Hange got to the point, smiling sweetly. “Why do you all pretend Levi doesn’t exist?”

There were awkward, feeble words of justification. Something about Levi being too scary. Something about Levi not greeting them first. Hange listened, eyebrows furrowing.

“You could at least say hi, right? He doesn’t bite,” Hange said coolly. Their colleagues felt the faintest chill up their spine. Levi sloshed the mop onto the floor, making his presence known. Hange barely flinched, as though expectant of his company.

“Are you talking about me behind my back?”

Hange slung an arm around Levi’s shoulders and whispered, “no, I’m telling everyone right now that you don’t get enough sleep and that’s why you’re glaring at everyone.”

Levi elbowed them away. “Who cares what people think?”

Unwrapping the bread Hange gave him, he took one significant, large bite while everyone squirmed in silence. Hange, strangely amused by the scene playing out before them, ushered Levi towards Erwin’s cubicle.

“Levi! What are your plans for today?”

“Cleaning.”

Hange clapped their hands together, “I invite you to have lunch with me and Erwin!”

“Why should I go?” Levi said, not unkindly.

“Why not?” Levi couldn’t give a good reason. Hange, latching on to Levi’s lack of refusal, took the mop away from his hands.

“You can finish cleaning later. Everyone has to eat, right?”

“Not you, apparently,” Levi muttered, remembering how Hange had straight-up not left their desk for a whole ten hours—the sun shining on their sleep deprivation at dawn until the desktop screen illuminated their exhaustion at dusk.

“That was one deadline, Levi.”

“Sure.” Regardless, he wasn’t about to decline Hange. Somehow, Hange had grown attached to Erwin, and had endless discussions with him. Conversations about writing, mostly. He didn’t participate much outside of jabbing at Hange’s ribs when the volume of their voice went over the publicly acceptable range. Otherwise, he would be shooting glares at Erwin whenever he tried to probe into Levi’s personal life. Erwin had an intensity that was difficult, near impossible to ignore.

Incidentally, the topic of comics cropped up.

“Comics?”

Hange picked up on the rare tonal shift of Levi’s voice, studying him. Erwin’s fork elegantly pierced a French fry, the screech of the fork’s contact with the plate prompting Levi to speak over it. He was positive that Erwin was trying to get him to talk. On purpose.

“Yes, I like them,” Levi conceded, draining the tea from his cup.

“I learn something new about you every day!” Hange exclaimed, as Levi gripped the edge of the cup harder.

Seemingly catching on to Levi’s discomfort, Erwin asked Hange for recommendations, telling them how he had never read any comics.

“How predictable of a literature professor,” Hange said, sitting up straighter to mock the poise of a scholar, glasses perched at the tip of their nose for the intended effect.

“You look like a fart with a stick up their ass,” Levi commented, leaving Hange howling. Erwin, the consistent gentleman, remained at ease with these disparaging jokes.

While Hange listed out their favourite comics, Levi noted that none of their top choices was marginally close to any of his preferences: in genre, in plot, and in art style.

“I like horror.”

“I don’t,” Levi countered. Hange grinned wider.

“Well, you’re scary enough as you are,” Hange considered, taking in his aloof disposition and the way he sat stiffly on the chair. Nonchalant, and could possibly decimate you.

“Look,” Hange said, thrusting an open book into Levi’s hands. “This comic is so good. It keeps me up at night.”

Levi leafed through the pages, absorbed by the clean black and white lines. That was, until he flipped a page and winced at the image of empty eye sockets, gouged out, spurting inked blood.

“You don’t like blood,” Hange said this matter-of-factly, promptly closing the book.

“I don’t like unnecessary death.”

“How do you know those deaths were unnecessary?” Erwin asked, pushing back his blonde hair in an effortlessly charismatic manner.

Levi could picture it. Erwin, a fearless leader, bringing people to greater heights.

Hange had less noble thoughts. Erwin was definitely the protagonist in a teen movie who looked older than high school age and was starring as a blonde jock whose embarrassingly lacklustre coming-of-age arc was spurred by a shy, beautiful nerd. For good reason, Hange kept their mouth shut.

“I don’t,” Levi answered, “but is any death really necessary?”

Erwin smiled, “perhaps not.” The seed of doubt grew in Levi.

Hange leaned forward across the table towards Levi, a hand covering one side of their smirking face.

“Erwin’s a lot more calculative than you think.”

Levi swatted away Hange’s strands of hair tickling his cheek, “I know,” he said half-heartedly, not wishing to contemplate the extent of its truthfulness.

Carving the last piece of meat on his plate into two, Erwin shrugged.

“So, you would say that some deaths are necessary?” Levi asked. The question blurted out on its own, slicing through the amicable atmosphere like a stray bullet. For some reason, he wanted a proper answer. Hange was busy flipping through the same horror comic book, their eyes trained on the page.

“Do you like bugs, Levi?” Erwin asked.

Levi visibly scowled. “No.”

Erwin’s fork scraped the plate insistently.  “Do you kill them?”

“Obviously.”

Erwin’s collectedness seemed impenetrable. “Would you say their deaths are necessary?”

“Necessary enough as a cleaner.”

“There, you have your answer,” Erwin said, with finality.

“I’m talking about human lives, not some insects,” Levi said, frustrated.

“Some lives matter more than others, am I right?”

“Yeah…” Levi said, struggling to grasp Erwin’s logic.

“It’s the same for us,” Erwin said cryptically.

Hange stood up, snapping the book shut. “Shit, I have to teach a class in ten!” Levi naturally stood up as well. Erwin gave a friendly wave, undeterred by the abruptness of their departure.

“See you, Erwin!” Hange called out, rushing back to the staffroom.

“Why does Erwin have to be so ambiguous?” Levi griped.

“You’re not very telling, yourself,” Hange said blithely, grabbing their laptop before marching out of the door.

Armed with constant smiles and warm words, Levi would classify Hange as someone just as enigmatic. Their discussions about writing were arguably personal, but they weren’t exactly close to the heart.

The two people Levi was becoming acquainted with in the past few weeks were a slate full of words in a language he understood, but couldn’t decipher. For the rest of the day, he compromised on these doubts by making sure the windows had not a speck of dust on them. Every moving insect was stamped out under his supervision. He thought about Erwin’s words, turning them over and over in his head. He thought about Hange’s nonchalance towards Erwin’s questions.

----------

After locking up his cleaning supplies, Levi peeled the sweaty gloves off his arms, untying the bandana on his head that kept his long fringe away, and removed his apron. Hearing a friendly shout in the otherwise deserted school building, he caught Hange coming to a stop behind him.

“You’re still here,” he said, frowning.

“Had a lot of work,” they said, armed with this reasoning every day.

“Were you listening during lunch?”

“Hmm, kind of,” Hange stated obliquely, “you know how literature people are.”

Levi was bewildered, his passive expression cracking slightly. “I don’t. As you might have realised, I don’t talk to a lot of people.”

“Literature people,” Hange rubbed their chin, eyes looking upwards in deep thought, “enjoy discussing morality in a mostly abstract, hypothetical way.”

“That’s annoying.”

Hange fell in step with Levi, who was headed to the exit, “Erwin’s one of the better ones. He’s pragmatic, and he’s not just all talk.”

“Yeah, so what’s his grand plan…” Levi said, finding the right words, “for humanity?”

“He wants to create a comic.”

Levi blinked.

“Huh? What does that have to do with morality?”

Hange looked unperturbed by Levi’s confusion, as though it were commonplace for them to defend the importance of the comic genre.

“Think of texts as a philosophical question waiting to be answered. And the questions of morality being narrativized makes their conclusions more believable. More influential. Erwin has a vision for comics to be the source of truth.”

“What truth?”

Hange grinned, “if we knew, would we need to write the comic?”

“You talk like it’s more revolutionary than it actually is…” Levi said, pushing open the door to step out of the school building.

“A comic can be life-changing,” Hange mused, admiring how the sunset decorated everything in watercolour splashes of orange and pink; a distinct nostalgic hue.

Levi remembered that Hange was, after all, a creative writing professor. “Yeah, you would say that.”

“It’s not because I’m a creative writing professor!” Hange said, impassioned. He gave them a dry look.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Besides, Erwin wants to be the editor of the comic that I am writing,” Hange said proudly.

Levi felt that his head might explode. “Since when were you writing a comic?”

“Since last week!” Hange said, remarkably animated.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Isn’t that what friends are for? To share things with?” Hange asked, hopeful.

That word—Levi figured that that was what they were by now. Friends. He didn’t hate the sound of it.

“You’re not going to ask what it’s about?”

“You’ll tell me if I just waited.”

“You’re right! But you see,” Hange exhaled, shaking their head despondently, “my problem is that I don’t have someone who can draw out my writing.” Levi’s hands twitched. He interlocked them into a prayer, hoping Hange didn’t notice.

“Why not just write a novel?”

Hange was unconvinced, “I’m tired of just the written word, Levi! The versatility and multimodal form of the comic are incomparable to a novel!”

Levi had to agree. “Have you been trying to find artists?”

“Yes, but none of them seemed very keen on drawing the story,” Hange said, recalling the number of people who became increasingly disconcerted upon hearing the gist of the story.

“So, what’s the story?” Levi asked.

Hange was hesitant. Levi waited.

“It’s horror, isn’t it?”

“The premise includes giant naked human beings running around eating people,” Hange said. Levi grimaced. They expected this, but it didn’t make their disappointment at his very reasonable reaction any less jarring.

“It also has a lot of blood,” Hange said. Sensing that they were one sentence away from diving into a world-building sermon, they paused.

“Do you want to hear more?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Levi said honestly. It had been a long day.

“Of course! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Hange said, giving him a reassuring pat on the back.

“I’ll see you,” Levi said belatedly. Hange was already brisk walking towards the crowded street.

Instinctively, he called out, “Four-eyes!”

Turning back, Hange stood where they were, surprised.

“Tell me the story tomorrow.”

A gradual look of appreciation spread across Hange’s face, as their eyes arched downwards into thin curves.

“Thank you, Levi!”

Levi sidestepped Hange’s thanks with a disgruntled “tch. Whatever.”

I finally did it! I posted the first chap of the fic I've been working on for the past month *_* if you read till here... thank you!!! hearing your thoughts/comments would be nice heheh

#aot #snk #levihan #fanfiction #my writing #levi hange erwin #levi and hange #ao3 #attack on titan #levi x hange #erurihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #erwin smith #im rly nervous n excited

[miyuskye]

Today I stumbled on old posts from people reacting to the sk8 finale. I want to make a premise and say that I also felt mixed emotions after it and I was sure that there was something wrong with it. After two months and a half I can say with certainty that the only thing that felt wrong was the lack of episode time, but oh well. Thinking back about sk8, I feel that the writers and the director did the best they could with the time they had.

I think that the main source of confusion stemmed from people misunderstanding the point of the plot. I'm putting myself also among these people because I was so sad that Tadashi forfeited his match vs Langa, but after thinking calmly about that I realized that I just wanted to see Tadashi skate because I am this whipped for him XD and, in reality, even if he had a match with Langa, it would have probably ended the same way -- with Tadashi forfeiting the race midway and letting Langa win (since it's hinted that he's a skating god and Langa beat Adam because he was lucky). This is coherent with the small number of available episodes and Tadashi's arc.

Back to the general public confusion. I'm sure a lot of people were blinded by Renga and totally missed the point the staff wanted to make. It was confirmed in an interview that "sk8 is the story of Adam's search for his Eve", whatever this means (it could be Adam finding his Eve in either Tadashi or Langa, i.e. finding his Eve through the concept that skating is fun). The point is that the focus is on Adam and always has been on Adam. The fandom gave into a collective thinking that Adam was a pedophile and an abuser, but that's clearly not how the staff wanted to portray him. He is obsessed with Langa because he finds in him a worthy and, most importantly, equal partner, he adores Langa and given how loudly he expresses his feelings (i.e. painting a pierced heart over red chrysanthemum to shout out his feelings for Tadashi) his attitude toward him is just the embodiment of that. He isn't interested in Langa because of the power imbalance between them (again, he sees Langa as his equal); he just doesn't want to be alone.

And, yes, the final episodes clearly fit into the narrative of "skating should be fun" because Langa understands (through Reki) that skating with friends is fun and makes Adam remember that (meanwhile he realizes that Tadashi, his friend, was by his side all of this time). Langa, at the beginning, thought that skating was all about the thrill and the adrenaline. He didn't understand that it was fun and amazing to do it with friends/ the people you care about (paralleling to how he didn't realize why he stopped snowboarding when his father died). That's why from ep 7 to 10 he doesn't feel anything. It's because it was all about being with someone you care about, both in skating and snowboarding. He understands that through his relationship with Reki, but my point (and prolly the point a lot of people missed) is that it's general and it doesn't limit itself to Reki and Reki only. I don't want to invalidate Renga, of course not, I like the pairing and the ending makes it clear that Langa's happiness is skating with Reki especially. But the fun experience that comes from skating is a general thing and him going against Adam is just a consequence of that. He wants to make Adam understand that you should have fun while skating, and he wants to have fun with him because he admires him. He was never scared of Adam, and he generally looked pretty chill even when he smashed Cherry with his board. The only thing that mattered to him before his race against Adam was 'why did he start skating?' and 'he looks like he's not having fun' instead of 'i'm going to make this guy pay for his imaginary crimes with my board'. It was like a argument but between friends, the one that gets you in a fight (idk like Rin taking Haru by his collar in Free lmao) because you both want to stand your ground but still care about the other. Also, Utsumi also confirmed that she wanted them to fight with fists in the last ep XD

So, yeah, sk8's ending falls perfectly in the 'skating should be fun' trope. Moving on, let's talk about Kamata. She's, once again, a target for the fandom collective hysteria and she became like this because they projected their hate for Adam into her. Or into Tadashi sometimes, again completely missing the point that the show is about Adam. A lot of people wanted the police to raid S, but that couldn't be realistically attainable because Adam made sure to take off S from the patrol route again and I'm p sure he took additional measures so it wasn't believable for those measures to be shattered in less than a week (when S has been up and running for 7 years). Let's pretend she somehow managed to search Shindo's house. What would she have found? Nothing accusing Adam of Takano's crime. I understand that Takano's crime wasn't very well detailed but I'm thinking that it was something on the line of being bribed to making a certain kind of contract (when he talks about receiving illegal fundings it's the only thing that came to mind). And, on another note, Adam was the one leaking info to the police in the first place XD first, because he wanted to raise to the top of his party (and just standing in Takano's shade isn't his way to roll) and he wanted to have a leverage on the police, so that he could use that leverage to hide his borderline illegal skateboarding races. But they are two different crimes. Kamata wouldn't have found anything useful for the Takano investigation and, even if she managed to find proofs of S (and that's a big if because I'm sure that Adam and Tadashi go out of their way to hide the S screens also from aunties and the household staff), what can she do with those? They're not related to the investigation at hand and can't be used in that specific trial (which is about Takano receiving illegal fundings). A new trial should have been made and Adam wouldn't surely go to prison in one day XD furthermore, it's clear that Kamata belonged to a subplot and that she was a supporting character. She was never meant to be something more than that. I have a long history of elevating supporting character to something they're clearly not so I'm used not to feel 'betrayed' when this doesn't happen, but probably other people don't.

I don't know if I want to talk about Tadaai AGAIN because I feel like we said plenty about them. TL;DR the relationship is not abusive so the point doesn't stand. Tadashi has agency, and chooses to stay by Adam's side because he wants to (and not because he has... Stockholm syndrome... I cringed while writing that XD)

The last point should be the fact that people felt betrayed that Renga wasn't more canon. which I think stemmed from the fact that Utsumi can't decide what to ship XD she had the same problem in Free because she was torn between MakoHaru and RinHaru, but here?? I'm so sure she ships Renga and Tadaai but she definitely likes Eden too. (She wouldn't have had a whole ass theme song for them if she didn't 😊) and so she couldn't decide what route to take and she ended up taking all of them. Bless her, i love a multi shipping queen 🙏

On this note, I saw also some posts about Adam being a homophobic example of queer villain except for the fact that he's not. The authors have made it clear that they love him to no ends. He's not supposed to be Evil and Unredeemable. I don't know why people are so bent on labelling him with things he's not. My roommate told me that he gave off the creepy vibe at the beginning but she confirmed me that after ep 4 it's clear that he's not meant to be dangerous like the other villains he's compared to. I don't personally like people comparing Adam to Hisoka, for example, because I feel that there are very different intentions behind them. Also, I have a feeling people have never watched a media representation of actual grooming (or something that is closely related to this). There's no grooming in sk8. There are fanfics when people describe Adam this way (and while it's interesting to read them, I feel that he's/very/ OOC there), but he's not like this in the original canon.

Thank you for reading this 🙏

#sk8 the infinity #ainosuke shindo #sk8 adam #edenshipping #tadaai #shindo ainosuke #i also find absurd that there are tw and cw for adam like idk #touch some grass

[thoughtsonhurtandcomfort]

12C, part 12

Part 1 |  Part 2 |  Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 |  Part 6 |   Part 7 |   Part 8 |   Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 |

Tag List: @deluxewhump @whumpinggrounds @yet-another-heathen   @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog  @killtheprotagonist

Content Warnings:  immortal whumpee, lady whumpee, captivity, lab whump, dehydration, starvation, exhaustion, temporary character death, sort of dehumanization? or perhaps better stated as disregard for ones humanity

Author’s Notes: I call this chapter ‘I have no clue what I’m doing but I’m trying’. Brought to you by 6 lovely souls. :) Usually I do a deeper edit of these but I’m feeling lazy tonight and really want to get this one up so I can move forward. I was also a little writer’s blocked this week so apologies if it’s not my best work. :\

Also, I think I might post the next set of parts under a new title...picking up where this leaves off, of course! But there’s something nice and complete about there being 12 ‘chapters’ to this, and as you’ll see, the title being named for the room might not apply anymore. ;)  So if you’re on this tag list or watching this series don’t be alarmed if suddenly a new title is there when the next part pops up.

----

Emmeline has been gone before - taken away for testing or left somewhere overnight so they can check for results in the morning.

But this is different.

Everything is gone. The table, the equipment, everything except the camera in the corner. The room is completely dark and empty.

Liv pulls out her clipboard and flips to her page for the room - or, she would, if it was there. She hasn’t been given any checklist, any notes, anything for room 12C. It’s as though no one was ever there.

Slowly she backs out of the room and shuts and locks the door. In her mind she begins frantically skimming through every moment of the day she can remember. Did anyone look at her differently? Say something to her?

This has to be my fault somehow.

Right?

And yet, no one called her to an office or confronted her in the hallway. She came in to work and went about her day as usual. Surely if they suspected her of tampering with a subject, or any other violation, they would take action immediately?

Unless Emmeline is being punished instead of me.

But where is she?

Liv goes through her final routine tasks of the night on autopilot, her mind turning over every worst possible scenario.

Maybe Emmeline was taken to another lab. Maybe there’s an even more top-secret level to this lab that she has no idea about. Or maybe...maybe that bastard Dr. Crafton did something with her…

An additional thought creeps in that Liv refuses to dwell on.

What if she died for good this time?

But that can’t be true. Even at her most fearful and cynical, Liv can’t comprehend the tragedy of Emmeline’s light being snuffed out in this prison after hanging on so long.

She has to be alive somewhere. Suffering, scared, but alive.

But where?

----

In the days that follow Liv performs her magnum opus of pretending things are fine.

On the surface she’s as calm, quiet, and moody as always. Inside she’s constantly paranoid, expecting to be confronted at every turn, pulled into an office and questioned. She’s wary of the researchers and of security, even of her own boss. She over analyzes every look and interaction.

But one, two, three days into the week and nothing has changed except Emmeline being gone and, as of Wednesday evening, a new resident in room 12C. The balancing act in Liv’s mind between ‘I’m so fucked’ and ‘where is Emmeline’ tips in favor of the latter. It’s not as though she can ask someone. So she starts simply...listening.

Her late hours are an obstacle; most of the researchers have left by the time she starts cleaning. But the ones that sometimes stay over tend to be the chattiest when they believe no staff - at least, in their mind, no staff worth acknowledging - are present.

It takes caution and patience, but soon from observations and overheard conversations with her headphones in, Liv manages to piece together what happened.

There are whispers of new subjects, more than they have room for. Frustrated complaints of how the ‘research’ with Emmeline was going nowhere, of failed blood transfusions and transplants. ‘Fascinating but useless’ was how one of them put it. Without results the funding would soon dry up, but selling her to a competitor would be disastrous if the competitor had success where they didn’t.

But that’s as far as Liv gets. A why without a where. They don’t have a room for her or funding to continue research, but they won’t sell her. In a better world they’d let her go, but Liv doesn’t humor that idea for a second.

Her suspicions still linger on Dr. Crafton a little while longer. Considering his newfound enjoyment of torture, she wouldn’t put it past him to ‘volunteer’ to move Emmeline to a private lab of his or something.

This soon disproves itself for her. In the fleeting moments she sees Dr. Crafton he seems irritable, not at all like a man who got exactly what he wanted. Then one evening she overhears him griping about the ‘wasted potential’ of the former subject in 12C and Liv is sure he doesn’t have her.

Any satisfaction she gets from these discoveries is quickly dulled by still not knowing where Emmeline is. Liv keeps showing up, keeps hoping, does her work in spite of the gnawing ache of Emmeline’s absence. All this time Liv was trying to help and comfort her, she didn’t realize how much of a help and comfort Emmeline was in return.

I just want to see her again...

----

A week passes, and then another. Liv still listens, still keeps an eye out, but her hope is fading. No one notices, of course. She was always a little sullen, always kept to herself. As long as she continues to be a good worker, no one bothers her or questions her.

That night is particularly quiet. Most subjects are asleep or keep to themselves. Even the chatty guards in Hall A are bored and end up listening to a sports radio show rather than talk to each other or Liv.

Near the end of her shift Liv makes her way to that floor’s storage room. It’s a small, dingy room with a single lightbulb that barely illuminates all of the shelves that line the walls. Nothing important resides here - not samples or expensive medical equipment. Only cleaning supplies, tools for maintenance, a handful of basic first aid, and obsolete equipment gathering dust, some of which might be older than the building itself.

Normally Liv prefers the supply room on the floor above; it’s a little bigger, a little cleaner. But tonight she’s feeling lazy and settles for this one.

As she’s putting things back on the shelves, she notices something pushed back against the far wall that wasn’t here before. It’s just a crate, long and sturdy but unremarkable. But what piques Liv’s curiosity is its presence here at all. No one uses this room except her, the janitor who fills in on nights she’s off, and sometimes maintenance. Maybe one of the researchers might come looking for something they need, but more often than not this room sits neglected.

Liv kneels beside the crate and feels around for a way to open it. She finds a latch and unclasps it easily, then manages to wiggle the lid up enough to get her fingers under. It isn’t even on that tight, and it only takes a couple pulls to lift it open.

What the fuck?!

She gasps and recoils, falling back and scrambling away from the crate, breathing quickly. Not much gets to her around here, but she was not expecting to open that thing and find a dead body.

Once the initial shock subsides she sits up and brushes her hands on her jeans. This doesn’t make sense. Subjects that die are given autopsies and then incinerated. If it’s here in the facility, why isn’t it in a lab room?

Shaken but determined, Liv scoots closer to the crate and peers in again. It’s hard to make out much in the dim light, but she can tell that the body is...fresh, for lack of a better word, and padded with some kind of loose packing material. She moves up along the box, having to tilt a little to keep her own shadow from blocking her view so she can see the face - 

For several long, silent moments, Liv just...stares. She blinks against the darkness, trying to process what she’s seeing.

“Emmeline?” she says aloud, barely recognizing her own voice. Hands shaking, she takes out her phone and turns on the flashlight.

The face illuminated by the light, gaunt and lifeless, is unmistakably Emmeline’s.

Liv quickly turns off the flashlight and puts her hand over her mouth to suppress a sound of...of…

Of what?

Relief that she found her, or fear that she’s dead dead, or disgust that they stuck her in a box in a storage room like nothing more than a piece of old equipment.

There are too many questions going through her mind and she pushes them all aside. She reaches a shaky hand down and cups Emmeline’s face. It’s cool to the touch, but Liv has seen her share of dead bodies before and something about this is...different. Like her body is lingering in some state between life and death, simply dormant. It’s just a half-assed theory, but it gives her hope.

Liv brushes her thumb over Emmeline’s lips, finding them chapped. There isn’t a mark on Emmeline’s body, and any drugs to put her under would have worn off by now. The most obvious and awful conclusion is that they simply let her die naturally of dehydration, alone in the dark.

A tear slips from Liv’s cheek onto Emmeline’s neck and trickles down out of sight. Liv sits back with a loud sniff and rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Fuck,” she whispers. “You deserve better than this…”

She slips her hoodie off and leans forward again, draping it like a blanket over Emmeline. Like this, it’s almost easy to believe that she’s just sleeping.

“It’s going to be okay,” she says numbly, “somehow.”

Then she puts the lid back on, stands, and leaves the room.

----

In the time between when she leaves after discovering Emmeline, and when she returns the next day, something shifts in Liv.

The sight of that drawn, still face haunts her dreams. And when she wakes all she can think about is the notion of Emmeline being stored like a piece of furniture only for them to take out and hurt again someday when they have funding or whatever the fuck.

When Emmeline was in one of the lab rooms the idea of trying to help her with guards and cameras around felt impossible. But the storage room...that she can work with.

She waits until the end of her shift before going to the storage room again. She doesn’t even have to act differently or come up with an excuse; she has plenty of legitimate reasons to be in there.

As soon as the door closes behind her she grabs her water bottle from her cart and goes right to the crate. She opens it cautiously, as though not wanting to startle its occupant. But Emmeline hasn’t moved an inch or changed in the slightest since last night.

“Hey,” she says quietly, just like she would when entering room 12C. It feels natural even if Emmeline doesn’t answer.

Liv leans over the crate and tips the water bottle to Emmeline’s lips. She lets just the smallest trickle of water slip in at first, then another, then another. Nothing happens right away, but Liv isn’t deterred. She has no idea how her immortality works, but Emmeline has been ‘dead’ for days now, surely it will take more than a couple sips of water for her body to heal.

She leans one arm on the edge of the crate and rests her chin on her arm. With the other hand she continues slowly pouring water down Emmeline’s parched throat, a little at a time. Pour. Stop. Wait. Look for signs of life. Pour again.

It feels a bit like watering a plant, and also not at all like that. Emmeline is not nearly so replaceable.

When the bottle is empty, she caps it and sits up with a sigh, stretching her stiff shoulders. She can’t help feeling disappointed. She was expecting something to happen. But it’s okay - if it takes time, so be it.

Just as Liv is reaching for the lid, she hears a soft sound. She freezes, arms out, listening intently. It wouldn’t surprise her if it was a rat or something, with the state of this room…

Several silent seconds tick by and she’s starting to believe she imagined it when the sound happens again. A little louder...and close…

Heart pounding, she looks down into the crate. At first glance nothing has changed, but the longer she looks...yes. Yes, she’s sure of it - her hoodie, still draped over Emmeline, is moving ever so slightly with barely-there breaths. When Liv presses her fingers to Emmeline’s wrist, she finds a weak pulse.

Oh my god. Oh my god, it worked.

The soft sound comes again and it is now clear that it’s the sound of a sighing breath. Triumphant as she feels at having done something right for a change, Liv knows things are far from good. Emmeline is in bad shape. This is going to take time.

Liv touches Emmeline’s arm for a moment, watching her face. Little changes apart from the puffs of breath that now escape her chapped lips, but it feels like a victory. Not to mention a big fuck you to the researchers.

“Hang in there,” she whispers. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

It kills her to have to put the lid back on and leave Emmeline in the dark like that. The best she can hope for is that she remains unconscious a little longer. Liv is impatient, she wants to make this all better right now. But for both of their sakes, patience is necessary.

Hang in there, she tells herself, as well.

----

Part of being patient means not going back to the storage room every night. She used to barely use it at all, and she fears too sudden a change in her behavior will draw unwanted attention. It’s one of the hardest things she has ever done, to walk past that room knowing Emmeline is inside and then keep walking.

Still, Liv manages to hold out for a few days before returning. She parks her cart just inside the storage room door; she doubts anyone will enter, but if they do, the obstacle might buy her some time to quickly close the crate.

Emmeline is no longer breathing. Liv expected as much, but it hurts all the same. This time, though. This time will be different.

Once again she feeds her sips of water and soon enough there are signs of life. This time, Liv is prepared with another bottle - this one filled with apple juice.

She cups Emmeline’s head and lifts it a little to give her a sip of the juice. Another, then another. Slow, patient, hopeful. Emmeline’s pulse grows stronger, her breathing more steady.

And then she moans, and it’s a weak, pitiful, broken sound, but Liv is so damn relieved to hear it, because it means she is that much closer to waking.

Liv continues giving her sips of juice, watching her throat bob as she actively swallows it. Suddenly she begins to cough and it startles Liv so much she nearly spills the juice all over her. She quickly pulls the bottle away and sets it aside, her eyes fixed on Emmeline.

Emmeline’s coughs fade into raspy breaths. She groans and shifts uncomfortably. Then finally, finally, her eyes slowly open.

She’s frail and shaky. Her glazed-over eyes flick around, uncomprehending. Her mouth opens as though to speak, but when she tries nothing comes out.

“Emmeline?” Liv says, very quietly.

At the sound of her name, Emmeline’s eyes land on Liv. The recognition on her face is immediate, and Liv can’t help but smile.

“Hey. It’s just me. Here...”

She holds the bottle to her lips again and Emmeline drinks eagerly.

“Careful, not too fast...that’s better...okay I’m going to take it away again, I don’t want you to overdo it…”

She sets the bottle aside again while Emmeline gasps for breath after practically chugging the whole thing down. Liv can’t blame her, and hates to deny her what she so desperately needs, but she also doesn’t want to make her sick.

“Just breathe. You’re okay.” Relatively. “I’ll give you more in a minute.” She reaches down and takes Emmeline’s hand.

“Where…” Emmeline’s voice cracks. She pauses, swallows, starts again. “Where am I?”

“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

“...good.”

“The good news is you aren’t in the lab.” Liv gives her a moment to process that before regretfully adding, “the bad news is that you’re still in the building. In...a storage closet.”

Emmeline blinks slowly up at the ceiling, her brow pinched. “What?”

She shifts again and Liv realizes that she’s trying to sit up. Liv instinctively reaches to help, putting a hand on Emmeline’s back - only to withdraw when Emmeline gasps.

“S-sorry, I was just - “

“No,” Emmeline interrupts. “Please - put it back, it was warm…”

Liv remembers how cold Emmeline’s skin was when she found her like this, and this room is just as chilly as the lab. She slowly settles her hand on Emmeline’s back again and helps her ease herself up. It’s hard to resist the urge to touch more - a hand in her hair, an arm around her shoulders - but she doesn’t know whether it would be welcome.

But Emmeline is shivering and she has to do something.

“Here…” she takes the hoodie that has been acting as a blanket for Emmeline these past few days and slips it around her shoulders. “Arms.” Emmeline obediently slips her arms through the sleeves.

When Liv zips it up Emmeline curls her arms up to her chest and presses her face into the cuffs of the sleeves. “Thank you, this is - oh - “

Emmeline’s eyes flutter shut and she sways, nearly dropping back into the crate. Liv steadies her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Shit...hey, breathe, you’re okay…” Maybe sitting her up so quickly wasn’t the best idea.

Taking slow breaths, Emmeline opens her eyes again. She looks so tired in spite of being under for so long. But then, she’s been denied food, water, warmth, proper rest, safety, and the type of weariness living like that brings is bone-deep and not so easily solved.

Her eyes dart around the room - from the old metal shelves to the dim lightbulb to the concrete floor, and heartbroken understanding falls over her face.

“When they put me in this box,” she whispers, looking so empty, so resigned, “I thought they were moving me somewhere. Maybe another lab. I thought within a day or two the lid would come off. But it never did. It was so dark and cold and...and you weren’t there, and…” her lip quivers and she clutches at the cuffs of the hoodie. “I was scared…”

Liv swallows around the lump in her throat, feeling her eyes burn. Those fucking bastards. “I thought they took you away too, at first. Finding you was...kind of by accident. But now that I have...” she steels herself, knowing once she says this, there’s no going back. “...I’m getting you out of here.”

Emmeline looks to her, eyes wide and tentatively hopeful. “You are?”

Liv chews her bottom lip and nods. “I have a plan. I just need you to hang in there a little longer…”

“I can do that,” Emmeline replies, voice wavering. “Please just be careful…”

“I will.”

Emmeline looks half about to cry, half about to pass out. Liv gently nudges at her shoulders, easing her back down into the crate.

“Please don’t take the shirt,” Emmeline whispers as her eyes close.

“I won’t,” Liv promises. “It’s yours now.”

“Thank you…”

A tear slips down her cheek and Liv brushes it away with her thumb. She leaves her hand there a moment for Emmeline to lean into, seeking out every small bit of comfort she can get. Liv wants to give her more, so much more, but she can’t. Not here. Not yet.

“I’ll be back,” she promises as she reaches for the lid. “Just hang on a little longer,” she adds as she lowers it, cloaking Emmeline’s sleeping form in darkness once more.

#immortal whump #lady whump #female whumpee #lab whump #lab experiment #captivity #dehydration #starvation #exhaustion #temporary character death #emotional whump #angst #comfort #whump #whump writing #my writing #my ocs #emmeline #liv

[rosequartzstarswrites]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @cheesyficwriter for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3?

27

What's your total AO3 word count?

351,699

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

As of now, I have only written for Harry Potter; however, in February I began several LOTR/Hobbit WIPs that I have not yet published. The first one is due out at the start of September though!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In Another Universe: Hermione Granger is brilliant: she completed her PhD in Linguistics at 25, and is the youngest faculty member at the University. Ron Weasley, an unruly quantum physicist... well, he's getting there. But when Granger gets stacked with a project she hates and has to talk to other scholars at the University, their paths cross and become permanently intertwined in a way neither of them could've ever anticipated. (Slow Burn Multichap Muggle Uni AU) Rated T.

Rosebury Grounds: Lady Hermione Granger has been reared up in society, to marry well and be a good housewife, like any good Edwardian lady, but that's far from what she wants. When a handyman by the name of Ronald Weasley joins the house staff, utterly disarming her from the moment they first meet, he might just be the opportunity she needs to break loose and choose her own destiny.Lord Draco Malfoy has a secret— a secret he knows would cost him everything if it ever saw the light. But it's getting harder and harder to keep it from his father, because Draco keeps bumping into a pair of emerald eyes and a head of lush black hair, and he can't pretend his knees don't buckle at the sight. Which would be quite alright, if not for one small problem: it's not a woman they belong to.Two tales of forbidden love, set in Edwardian England. (Multichap Muggle AU) Rated M.

Something Growing: Hermione’s pregnant— and she’s freaking out. She’s always been good at everything, but she’s not sure that’ll hold for being a mother; however, when Ron gets home earlier than expected, she realizes she doesn’t need to be great at everything so long as she’s got him beside her. (Oneshot) Rated G.

Big in Japan: Harry Potter is a famous rockstar out on a world tour— but when one too many meet-and-greets threatens to drive him insane, he takes an escapade out into the streets of Tokyo, where he ends up at an expat bar with a captivating redhead that seems totally unaware of who he is, or why she should know him at all, for that matter. (Muggle AU oneshot) Rated E.

Teaspoon Vindication: After escaping Malfoy Manor, Ron comes to visit Hermione in her room at Shell Cottage, and does the one thing that may be the hardest for him— talking about his feelings. (Romione oneshot)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try my best, though I don’t always get to all of them! My reasoning is that if folks are kind enough to tell me how much they enjoyed my writing, the least I can do is thank them for their lovely words. 

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

The Last Farewell! It’s a Wolfstar oneshot, set in canon universe, where Remus comes to Sirius’s grave to ask for his blessing (and forgiveness) to marry Tonks. It was angst central from the start and I even wrote it while listening to an angsty song.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I generally write happy, fade-to-black endings, but if I had to choose I’d say Truth or Dare. This is a male!Hermione x Ron summer camp AU born of a game of spin-the-bottle/truth-or-dare that ends with them figuring out their feelings go beyond friendship. I say it is the happiest ending because I think the “boy figuring out he likes boys” scenario has been overdone in angst a bit too much, and the fact that the feelings are reciprocated and they decide to stay in touch would make me giddy if I was their age and in their shoes. Anyway, it’s just a sweet ending.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

Not at all— I actually don’t like crossovers at all, so I have never even entertained reading, let alone writing, one. (No hate at all to those with imaginations large and strong enough to conjure up awesome crossovers— I am in awe of you all, they’re just not for me!)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Never, luckily, since the Romione community is so lovely and supportive! But, though not outright hate, for a while I had an anonymous FFN reviewer who left reviews on every chapter of Rosebury Grounds saying that my title was a porn/sex act...? I was distraught and scoured Google to see if they really were right and this was some obscure euphemism I’d entirely missed, but turns out it wasn’t, and they had gotten confused with a vulgar but similar term. So I ignored those reviews but they kept coming and then eventually one time I found a 500 word very graphic description of the sex act in question in my reviews, so desperate was the reviewer (apparently) to get their (wrong) point across. Yikes. 

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I’ve written a lot and of many kinds— explicit, implied, just foreplay, fade-to-black, referenced... I’ve written both M/F and M/M. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No— I didn’t even know that was something I should worry about!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I speak fluent Spanish, so I’m planning on translating In Another Universe and Rosebury Grounds myself once I’ve finished the latter. 

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, the most I’ve done is beta from the plot-building stage!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Gahhhh don’t make me pick! Romione (HP) is first in my heart because I see so much of myself and what I want in it, but Samfro (LOTR) is, to me, the truest depiction of love in all of literature, ever. I will forever come back to it.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I hope to finish my Hogwarts Actually series that I started for Romionecom (hi, Discord friends!) inspired by Love Actually. I have it all planned out, translating all the relationships in the movie to HP pairings and friendships, and all I need to do is write— but I think I’ll come back to this periodically and unoften. Hopefully I’ll finish it!

What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that I write good and witty dialogue. I’m a theatre person, so I think my dialogue sounds mostly natural when spoken. I also have a good sense of beginning and ending, so most of my works/chapters start and end with a memorable phrase of some sort. I also have excellent grammar and spelling, so except for a few occasional typos, that makes the job of proofing much easier!

What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I sometimes write sentences that are waaaay too long and convoluted. I use words that are too big sometimes and just take approachability from my writing. Fanfic has been excellent to practice correcting this, though!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

As a bilingual writer myself— don’t write dialogue in other languages unless you speak it well or get it translated directly through someone who speaks it well. Though I appreciate the effort, I can always tell when something was put through Google Translate, and that kind of dialogue most often ends up lacking the context clues/colloquial familiarity of real language speakers, and ends up sounding stiff and forced. 

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m not proud of it, but I used to write MCR RPF back when I was 13 or so. It was a very brief stint and I have since deleted the works in their entirety, since my principles have evolved to the place where RPF to me seems disrespectful and invasive. Plus, it was on Wattpad.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

Again, don’t make me pick please!! I truly have had a lot of fun with Rosebury and I think it is a testament to how much I love it that I was able to keep the idea on hold for a full six months before I started writing it. I love the Downton setting and the Edwardian dialogue is a lot of fun to me. But I also have a soft spot for the In Another Universe original oneshot I submitted to the RFF2020— that work awoke my love for Muggle AUs (which I like to think I’m most known for), inspired me to start work on my first multichap fic, and keeps me coming back to it anytime I have doubt in my ability to write swoonworthy scenes. It was the oneshot that started it all. 

Tagging: @accio-broom @be11atrixthestrange @folk-melody (and anyone else who would like to!)

#fanfiction #fanfic writer #rosequartzstars #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #fanfic author

[senacal]

Hello! Could you do a jealous! Erik Lensherr x Reader. Theyre both professors and all btw. Thanks!

Assumptions

Request: Requested by a lovely Anon 💕

Pairing: Erik Lehnsherr x Gender Neutral Reader

Prompt: Hello! Could you do a jealous!Erik Lensherr x Reader. They’re both professors and all btw. Thanks!

Warnings: Misunderstandings, jealousy 

Abbreviations: (Y/F/N)- your full name, (Y/N)- your name

Author’s Note: 😬 Sorry this took so long to get out, I had a little bit of writer’s block and of course my dear friend, no motivation. The reader is gender-neutral cause I wasn’t sure what was wanted.

As always, Requests Are Open!

(Not my Gif)

(Y/F/N) loved their job. They couldn’t explain what had convinced them to teach at Charles Xavier’s school for gifted youngsters; perhaps it was Charles Xavier himself, or more likely, the student’s enthusiasm to learn from them. (Y/N) never expected to be a teacher, considering their high school and college experiences weren’t the most exciting or thrilling. They were almost convinced Teachers hated them, which is why it was ironic that they had become a teacher. 

It was a year after (Y/N) had begun teaching that they had met Erik Lehnsherr. He was… different. Not in a bad way, but he was closed off. And he only ever talked to Charles, Raven, and occasionally Hank. For a month, (Y/N) thought he didn’t speak. There was nothing wrong with that either; a few of their students preferred to remain mute, and some students preferred to use Sign Language over speaking to communicate with (Y/N). So, if Erik was mute, it wasn’t an issue. (Y/N) wanted to get to know him better. Which was why they had attempted to be Erik’s friend.

Whenever Erik would enter a room, (Y/N) would casually make their way to him and make small talk. Most of the time they were met with silence. (Y/N) could have sworn Erik smiled the last time they talked to him, so they knew they were getting somewhere. Soon enough, Erik would start responding to them, small-short answers at first, but it was still something. (Y/N) even asked him if they were bugging him when the short answers continued. (He said no, but (Y/N) wasn’t so sure). Sometimes they wished they were an empath so they could get a read on Erik’s feelings, but alas, they were only able to heal an object’s physical wounds. But it was okay because they were a valued member of the team and Charles, Raven, and Hank loved them for them. 

(Y/N) was almost worried Erik would never open up to them, but as soon as he joined the staff of Charles Xavier’s school, (Y/N) noticed Erik lingering near their classroom. It was almost as if he was seeking them out. (Y/N)’s heart fluttered in giddiness at the mere thought. Whenever they saw Erik in the halls, Erik would greet them with a hello and a kind smile. It was the best part of their day. 

It got to the point where (Y/N) would expect to see Erik before they both went to their respective classes, (Y/N) to anatomy, and Erik to physics. This was why they found it disappointing that Erik was nowhere to be found. They wouldn’t have been too worried because even mutants got the flu and needed a vacation, but it was now the fourth day that (Y/N) hadn’t seen Erik and it was very concerning. Did something happen? Did Erik get hurt? Was he seriously ill? Did he leave again? Did he just not want to see (Y/N)? (Y/N) couldn’t stop their mind from jumping to conclusions. It even distracted them from their teaching, so they would often dismiss their class early. Why waste their’s and their student’s time if they couldn’t concentrate? In fact, with the constant short classes, (Y/N) shouldn’t have been surprised to see Charles stroll into their classroom. 

“(Y/N), may I speak with you?” Charles asked once it was apparent that (Y/N) was too wrapped up in their thoughts to notice Charles.

“Hmm? Oh, sorry Charles, I’m just a bit distracted, what’s up?” They asked. (Y/N) sat at their desk hoping the steady position will get them to focus on Charles.

“It’s come to my attention that you’ve been letting the students out of class early the past few days, is anything the matter?” Charles asked. 

“Oh, uh, no, I just, I’ve been distracted lately is all,” (Y/N)’s cheeks flushed in shame. They couldn’t let this issue affect their job any more than it already has.

“Distracted… by anything in particular?” He moved his wheelchair closer to (Y/N).

(Y/N) shifted so they could face Charles, “Is Erik okay?”

Charles raised his brows, “Why wouldn’t he be?” 

“No reason, I just haven’t seen him is all, I was concerned,” (Y/N) shrugged. Maybe Erik really was avoiding them.

“He’s fine. I mean he was acting odd around me as well, but he said he was distracted. Seems to be a lot of that going on around here these days,” Charles nudged (Y/N)’s hand with a teasing smile.

(Y/N) huffed a small laugh, “I suppose I’m not the only one,” they drummed their fingers on their lap, “Don’t laugh, but I think Erik might be avoiding me and I’m kind of afraid that it might actually be true.”

“I won’t laugh at that, but Erik is a complex person. Sometimes he feels the need to isolate himself when he’s troubled, that could be why he’s been staying away,” Charles shrugged.

Charles had a point, Erik didn’t seem the type to confide in someone if something was troubling him. 

Charles grabbed (Y/N)’s hand, “I hope everything works itself out, can’t have my best teacher struggling.”

(Y/N) smiled gratefully at Charles’s blatant concern. He was their best friend and they knew he was merely concerned for them. Before they could respond with reassurance, however, Erik stepped into the classroom.

“Oh, sorry, I- sorry,” Erik ran his hand through his hair, “Can I ask,” He pointed from Charles to (Y/N) “are you… do you two- Anything happening here?” 

(Y/N)’s brows furrowed at the question, “anything like what?”

Charles snorted with laughter next to them. He waved his hand as if to apologize but the laughter bubbling from his lips made it hard to believe. “What?” (Y/N) frowned.

Charles dropped (Y/N)’s hand and huffed softly, “Nothing, darling. Erik, a word if  you please?” Charles maneuvered his wheelchair outside of (Y/N)’s classroom. 

(Y/N) watched as Erik walked out after Charles with a look of confusion. Was there something they weren’t getting?

_____________________________________________________________

Erik has had a rough couple of days. Before, Erik would usually brush off any inconvenience and continue with his day. But ever since he met (Y/N) it’s been a little more difficult to ignore the problem at hand. And that problem came in the form of one Charles Xavier. Erik knew someone as wonderful as (Y/N) had to be taken, but taken by Charles? Not that Charles wasn’t a good person, he was the best person Erik knew, he just really hated that of all people, (Y/N) was dating Charles; his best friend.  

When Erik first met (Y/N) he knew there was something special about them, and not just because of their power. No, (Y/N) was the most caring, funny, and charming person he has ever had the pleasure of meeting. They always made sure to include Erik when he first arrived, and they made sure that he wasn’t feeling neglected. These small acts of kindness were enough to make Erik fall for them. But again, (Y/N) was with Charles. 

At first, Erik thought he could ignore his feelings and simply brush them aside. But that was easier said than done. (Y/N) was always on his mind. Whenever he was in class, in the danger room, driving. There was no escaping (Y/N). So, Erik accepted his fate and became their friend; Only now he’d see Charles around more often, and he’d feel guilty for even fantasizing about (Y/N). Erik was living in hell.

The other day, Erik had the intention of telling Charles how he felt about (Y/N). When he walked into the living room, both (Y/N) and Charles were sat by the fireplace, talking and laughing. He realized he couldn’t get in the way of their relationship. He couldn’t leave again though, it didn’t sit well with him. Instead, Erik chose to avoid both Charles and (Y/N). Whenever he would see (Y/N), he’d turn the other way and pretend like they weren’t there. He altered his route so he wouldn’t run the risk of running into them. When he saw Charles, Erik would find a way out of the conversation and avoid him as well. 

This had been going on for a week now. But even avoiding (Y/N) was like torture; he missed them. He wanted to see them smile when he said hello; he wanted to see them laugh when he told a joke. He missed them. So he went to find them. But when he did, they were with Charles. He didn’t know why he felt so disappointed. He had foolishly hoped to get some alone time with (Y/N). 

It got to the point where Erik had finally asked if (Y/N) and Charles were in fact in a relationship; It sure seemed like it. He shifted nervously in place, avoiding Charles’s eyes. He wished he was using his helmet right now. 

“Erik, tell me, do you like (Y/N)?” Charles asked casually.

“What would make you think that?” He mumbled.

“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps it’s the disappearing act you seem to pull whenever we’re together or the fact that you haven’t spoken to me or them in days?” Charles raised his brows accusingly. He obviously wasn’t as in the dark as Erik had hoped.

“Maybe I just don’t like talking to you?” Erik shrugged.

Charles rolled his eyes, “Please if that were true I’d have known long ago.”

Erik ran his hand through his hair, “What if I did? There’s no chance for me, I know that. And I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship.”

Charles smiled, “Well, I’m glad to hear that, but there is something you should know. (Y/N) and I aren’t together.”

Erik frowned, “Did you two break up?”

Charles chuckled, “No, you git, we were never together. We’re just friends. I promise. And if it helps, I’m pretty sure they like you too.”

“Really?” Erik grinned. It seemed he could only string together unintelligent answers now that he knew (Y/N) was single.

“Would I lie to you?” At Erik’s look, Charles rolled his eyes, “When it counts?”

“No, I suppose not,” Erik cleared his throat and finally met Charles’s eyes, “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I should talk to,” He pointed to (Y/N)’s classroom door behind him with his thumb.

“Definitely. I’d wish you luck, but I am positive this will go well for you both,” Charles winked and left Erik to talk to (Y/N).

Erik took a deep breath and re-entered the classroom.

(Y/N) looked up from fiddling with their fingers when he walked in. They smiled when they saw it was him. It was a pleasant surprise. They had expected Charles to come in. “Erik, it’s been a minute.”

Erik shrugged, “Yeah, I wanted to apologize for that. I uh, may I sit?” He motioned to the seat near their desk.

(Y/N) nodded seeming eager.

Erik pulled the chair closer to (Y/N) and took a seat. “First off, I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I shouldn’t have been avoiding you.”

“So you were avoiding me?” (Y/N) asked. 

“Yes, but not because I don’t like you,” Erik rushed when he noticed the disappointed look on their face, “I like you a lot actually. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you.”

“That makes absolutely no sense.” (Y/N) crossed their arms over their chest, “You don’t avoid people you claim to like.”

“That’s a good point, but in my defense, I thought you were dating my best friend.” He drummed his fingers on his thighs, “I know it seems stupid now. I feel stupid, but it only seemed logical at the time.”

(Y/N) smiled and shifted closer to Erik so their knees were touching, “You were jealous of Charles?” 

“I know, I know. I’m an idiot, but you had to see how close you two are,” Erik defended.

(Y/N) laughed but nodded in agreement, “Okay, I forgive you.” They took Erik’s fidgeting hands into their own, “And if it helps, I like you too.”

Erik beamed, “It does.”

“Good,” (Y/N) let go of one hand and laced their fingers together with the hand they still held, “Now, ask me on a date so we can stop being idiots.”

Erik laughed happily, “very well. (Y/N), would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Erik, this is so sudden,” (Y/N) teased.

Erik rolled his eyes fondly, “Yeah, only took me a couple of months to get the courage to ask you out.”

(Y/N) bit their lip, “I’d love to go out Erik.” They leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Erik’s cheek. 

“It’s about damn time,” Charles’s voice echoed in both mutant’s minds. 

#erik lehnsherr #magneto #x-men #erik lehnsherr x reader #magneto x reader #x-men x reader #reader is gender neutral #jealousy #misunderstandings #xmen #xmen x reader