#sometimes i think about youtube too much and my brain hurts

[kelprot-old]

sometimes my utter disdain for social media bleeds into other sites and Well its just annoying because now I open up youtube and see open mouth shocked thumbnails arrows pointing etc. andpeople putting hundreds of hours into videos of their own and how they often gain little reward for it other than just. comments. or whatever. and its just. the whole site is kinda scary.

#sometimes i think about youtube too much and my brain hurts #seeing the transformation of it over the past 10 years to what it is now is. its a lot #this site with. an unfathomable amount of content on it. thousands of things uploaded a minute #but 95% of it will never see any success nor pay back the efforts of their creators #not to say passion projects are bad or anything. you don't Need to make a profit for something to have value #im thinking moreso of how many people provide this site with content out of this need for a response #response being like. idk. attention feedback The Need To Be Famous or whatever #youtube markets itself as a site that can make Anyone Famous !! Be yourself give us your time and energy and we will pay you back #i dont want to say it's free labour because it isn't really. like that #but sometimes i will scroll through youtube and see these streamlined thumbnails and profiles and accounts and I feel sick #this site's become a replacement for mainstream entertainment for many and it's. scary to think about #arguably i think there's something predatory about how it can coerce you into feeding it so much of yourself in exchange for empty promises #yes not everyone is like this but it's still bizarre how common the whole ''i did youtube because I wanted to be famous'' thing is #not that it doesnt make sense. but. i dunno #i cant explain exactly what about it makes me feel so sick sometimes but. still #im aware a lot of this is me Reading into things too much and having a very adverse reaction to any social media-esque thing btw

[spiralgayvatar]

Love sobbing because dysphoria is a BITCH

#like why #i was just listeninf to youtube #and then my brain reminded me that i never got to grow up and experience life #and just exist as me #i had to grow up as some stupid worthless girl #i had to grow up with a body i hate and voice that kills me everytime i hear it #its not fucking fair #god sometimes the dysphoria is too much #and all i can think about is maybe if i could just find the strength to end it all #then maybe in the next life i can be the boy i should have been #and live the life i wanted #and existing wouldn’t hurt so much #i cant fucking do this #vent #door closed world fucking over

[trigunsbbygirl]

Human Things that Confuse Knives Part 2

Made a second one since I had more ideas lol

content warnings: teeth, use bomb in an analogy, mention bruises. this one gets more into the body/anatomy idk what all people are comfy with so just in case

•Knives already thinks dreams are kinda weird, but those surreal ones and the utterly weird ones that just make no sense or seemed so real you wonder if it actually happened? he wants to know what's going on in your brain. Knives will listen to you as you recount your dream, he won't say much or make any facial reactions, but part of him is kinda amazed that your can brain come up with the weirdest, coolest and/or creepiest things ever.

•the concept of having baby teeth and adult teeth weirds Knives out. when Knives learns that you do lose your teeth as a kid he's staring at you like you've just grown a second head. don't tell him that you have wisdom teeth that usually need to be taken out via surgery as a teenager. (Vash is kinda grossed out by it. found out when a kid he was playing with ran up to him and was like 'look! my tooth fell out!:D' he panicked, thinking they got hurt, but it's replaced with horror, disbelief, slight disgust and concern when he finds out every human looses a set of teeth. he hates it a little. has no idea what to do when a kid tells him that a tooth fell out. help him)

•also. imagine Knives surprise when he learns about the appendix. you had been talking with a friend when you mentioned appendicitis and that you had to have surgery. it peaked his interest and when you're done talking, Knives asks about it. he stares at you in uncertainty and disbelief the further you explain. what do you mean there's a small pouch in your stomach that serves little to no function that can essentially become a bomb? Knives doesn't actually believe you until he looks it up. he wonders how humans have survived with bodies like that.

•same wonder when it comes to you having to take vitamins and other supplements because sometimes a body won't produce enough of something or too much.

•the fact the humans shed/lose hair. Knives knows that, but it kinda grosses him out a bit. he hates seeing your hair strands, makes you clean them up. (I hc that the twins just have little to no body hair and they don't actually lose hair strands.)

•double jointed people also weirds Knives out. what do you mean you can twist or bend a joint further than normal? it doesn't exactly creep or gross him out, but he doesn't like it. he'll never admit that, but he won't look/talk to you for a bit after you show off that flexibility.

•Knives is fascinated by the way your skin can change colors. (don't mention that he can turn a lovely shade of red, he gets all huffy.) but, anyways, he loves examining your face, watching as your face gets darker with certain things he does. (also likes seeing your facial expressions. humans are so expressive..) he also likes seeing your bruises and watching as the bruise changes colors over time as it heals. you joked one day that you could give him a bruise of his own that he can watch. he didn't like the joke (he prefers to give you (consensual) bruises.)

•now let's get into reverse Isekai for a bit.

•Knives does not fucking understand social media lmao. why the hell do you have to tell people you've never met what you did or thought that day and why are so many people interested? why do people do stupid things for views??

•he hates online discourse and always tunes you out when you try to talk about something that happened online. he doesn't care and thinks it's stupid.

•do NOT let him find out about stan culture or chronically online people. he's gonna lose any faith he had in humanity again. I wouldn't worry about that too much though. he has zero online presence, never uses social media outside of YouTube and even then he only uses it to watch documentaries or how to videos.

•memes confuse him a lot, especially how fast they come and go. you don't even know how to explain them to him. "why is this picture of a man just standing so funny?" "it just is? I don't know either." how do you even explain memes and internet culture to someone who's never been on the internet lol

•Knives thinks you're really weird if you've got a skewed sense of humor where something dramatically falling over makes you laugh(thinking of that waffle video.) he watches those types of videos with a straight face and when the video ends he just stares at you, wondering if you seriously think that's funny.

•he hates those youtube poop and deepfried videos. not only does he find them stupid and doesn't understand them, but they just bother his ears.

•bonus: Vash thinks the circadian rythym is pretty neat and that some people just know when to wake up. it took Vash a while to develop one, or at least, something like that since he doesn't technically need sleep. it'll never quite be the same though since he doesn't exactly get tired like humans do. it took decades for that type of tiredness to become present, but even still, he doesn't need it to survive.

#trigun headcanons #trigun x reader #millions knives x reader #knives x reader #reverse isekai

[bonesandthebees]

Okay fuck it. I think scrolling for hours today is enough DJFKGKFK I'll just log back out. I wanna focus my energy on more positive things

Im so gonna log back in the minute my friend sends me another tweet but HDKGKGKD no. I will do my best. He's not worth our time man.

Okay one more tiny rant about him and then I promise I'll stop I just OOOHHMYGODHFJGKG HE JUST. I had so much hope. That. He would reply and it wouldn't fix things, I wouldn't go back to watching him or anything but at the very least I could get closure that like? Maybe his closer friends would be able to heal and move on? Idk if that's parasocial or whatever but he was such a big role model for me the past few years I really had hope that at least some parts of it were real, you know? And instead we just find out that he not only did these shitty things but didn't fucking learn and did it to other people too and??? It's really really upsetting that he created this safe space, this community of people who were all so lovely while just being. Fake. The whole time. And he doesn't even have the gull to properly apologise and I just??#?# idk what to do with my emotions LMFAO I'd finally started to feel better and like move on but now today I'm just angry again grgrgfhfjdkdk and I totally get that like him being a complete dickhead is easier in a lot of ways bc there's no. Doubting it. Or anything. Like there's no redeeming him. And we can get closure from that. But fuckkk it hurts so badly and the tl is a mess of ppl being like "well this person would never do me wrong" and then ppl being like "fuck every YouTuber ever actually. We can't ever be sure we know them" and LIKE!$?_?$?

Dude I am so conflicted on so many levels rn I feel like my entire world has just been yeeted into the sun LMFAODKFKFKFK

Anyways. Anyways. Thank you bee. Ur tumblr is the only account w a brain rn fr lmfaodjfkfkfks

I get it, I'm fucking furious at him. he had a chance to at least own up to what he did. I wouldn't have gone back to consuming his content, but I could be somewhat at peace knowing he was taking steps towards being better.

I don't want to think it was all a lie, because abusers aren't all completely evil people. the thing is, wilbur is human. a very shitty human, but human nonetheless. and we can't know for sure how healthy or unhealthy every relationship in his life has ever been and I think overanalyzing that or trying to figure out what was fake and what was real isn't really our business or worth our time. wilbur is a guy who has hurt a lot of people, but also refuses to recognize the hurt he's caused. that's it.

I do hate the dichotomy I'm seeing between people trying to prop up their own favorite white boys on a pedestal because apparently people never learn, but also going out and saying every content creator is inherently evil and we shouldn't trust any of them. these people are human. they're all going to fuck up at some point, some worse than others. and sometimes they'll fuck up in a way that they can move past and we can forgive them for, and other times they'll fuck up in a way that shows they shouldn't have the platform they have. they're not all terrible, and they're not all perfect. that's what we should be keeping in mind for the future.

#ask #icyfox17 #wilbur situation

[dogbunni]

[begins coughing like a cat about to throw up a furball] [spits up several nendo headcanons and then looks at u proudly]

-nendo collects hot wheels. I have no justification beyond this except that I also collect hot wheels and I think we'd have that in common. if he was real I would take nendo to a toy shop to look at all the hot wheels. just stand there and observe them for an uncomfortably long time. my friends aren't deeply autistic enough to do this with me so I can never observe the little cars for long enough before making a purchase :(

-nendo trans ally #1

-nendo has no idea what his sexuality is but not in a confused/questioning way, in a "I have never thought about it longer than 1 second" way. he likes who he likes and has no thoughts beyond that. he is label-less in a [shrugs shoulders] way. (saiki is also label-less but in a "fuck you" kind of way)

-nendo loves rollercoasters and watches weird essay length youtube videos about theme parks and animatronics. its a hobby that deeply disturbs everyone around him bc this guy cannot do basic math but he can and will channel the spirit of akechi rambling about defunct animatronics. sometimes he shows saiki pictures of animatronics in late stages of decay in horrible pitch black nightmare settings and saiki reacts as if nendo has placed a live cockroach in his lap.

-he has a condiment problem. steals sauce packets from restaurants with diagnosable compulsion.

-he doesn't Get memes. everyone has tried and failed to show nendo a meme. it's like trying to show your mother a funny picture and she holds the phone as far away from her face as she can and then stares at it for way too long before silently handing it back. he just doesn't Get It.

-hes like, really good at making memes though. he will just absently turn a phrase or take an image so absurd that everyone is still saying and reposting and reacting with it years down the line. he has no idea that he has this power

-he feeds stray cats and makes little shelters for them outdoors <3

-nendo and kaido roleplay together sometimes. I'm talking like, warrior cats roleplay. sometimes dark reunion but kaido gets pissy if nendo messes up The Lore. nendo calls it "playing pretend" bc he has no concept of cringe culture and kaido dies inside every time

-he manages to forget his own birthday. every year. saiki remembers though, and it's the one and only day he will ask if nendo wants to get ramen with him, instead of the other way around. it gets to the point that saiki asks if nendo wants ramen, and he says "what, is it my birthday ahaha" and saiki is just like. you goddamn idiot. good grief.

-last time I did one of these I said that nendo loves cute things like sanrio plushies and holds them so gently. well I see that and I am correct, but I raise you nendo thinking that SAIKI is the cutest thing he's ever seen. something about the pink hair and glasses and the little limiter bubbles on his head and his purple eyes and little frowny eyebrows- nendo wants to. hold gently. sometimes he just grabs saiki by the shoulders and stares at him blank in the face and saiki is like [nervously] "what the fuck? what the fuck????"

-he and aiura actually get along weirdly well. they're unhinged in similar flavours and it gets saiki's blood pressure up. he tries at all costs to keep them away from each other. their singular brain cells cancel each other out on sight.

-akechi makes nendo's brain hurt a little. he just can't process all of akechi's akechi-ness and it makes him feel dumb. he's fine with being dumb most of the time but akechi just makes him feel a little self conscious for some reason. (definitely not because he's jealous that akechi was friends with saiki first)

-he still likes the funny lil guy though. akechi's the only one who will enthuse with him about rollercoasters and he values those talks. so much.

-toritsuka is afraid of nendo for some reason. no one is sure why but nendo LOVES it. he's always trying to jump out and scare him. saiki supports nendo in this endeavour ardently. toritsuka suffers.

-nendo falls down the weirdest tiktok rabbit holes. it got so bad once that they got teruhashi to distract him while kuboyasu lifted his phone and deleted the app off of it. it took nendo several months to realise he could redownload it.

#(projects all of my little idiosyncrasies onto nendo) #yeah that tracks #also #(sprinkles a little nensai into my headcanons. as a treat) #nendo posting #i love him a normal amount #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #saiki k #the disastrous life of saiki k. #nendo riki #nendou riki #nensai #saiki kusuo

[baby-yongbok]

hi pookie, i have a request if its fine for nd!reader 🥺 (if not then completely ignore this ask)

how do you think skz would act in finding out reader practices scenarios/expressions in the mirror or in private? my masking is hurting my brain and i have to reteach myself how to smile after seeing some of my old pics lol

-girlie

p.s. if you ever make a nd!reader series pls let me know so i can be tagged in every post so i can read each masterpiece

I enjoy getting Neurodivergent!Reader requests cause as someone with autism I'm so damn horrible at writing it. I guess I'm not aware of how I do things but at the same time I'm hyperaware of it all..? Idk, anyway here's what I think:

Chan, Hyunjin, Felix - Would try to help you or would want to understand the process for future reference. - They just want you to feel good and safe with them and they want to understand you and everything you struggle with. If you���re practicing expressions they’ll do it with you. This’ll quickly turn into the two of you making funny faces in the mirror and completely forgetting how this started in the first place. They’ll tell you how you sound to them and what vibe your expression gives off and if you want them to leave you to do it alone you don’t have to ask them twice (Even though they low-key want to stay). Their search history is filled with articles on the topic of scripting now and by the end of the week they will be an expert on the topic. (Or just feel like one)

Seungmin, Minho, Jeongin  - Would watch you silently and then tell you that they’ll take care of everything. - If you weren’t so focused on finding the perfect way to introduce yourself to his friends then you would’ve heard them walk into the room but he’s grateful that you didn’t. He had no clue that you did this even though he’s very well aware that you struggle with social interaction sometimes. He’ll leave carefully so that he doesn’t frighten you, maybe he wasn’t supposed to see you doing it and as much as he loves messing with you he doesn’t want to mess with something that might hurt your feelings or have you feeling embarrassed. After seeing you do that he starts doing a mini version of it too in hopes that he can be prepared to come to your rescue if you find a situation to be a bit too challenging. They just want to take care of you and make you feel comfortable.

Jisung, Changbin - Would panic like they just interrupted a presidential meeting and then ask a million questions. - You were so focused on watching your eyebrows and listening to your tone that you didn’t hear the very loud boy come into the room. He thought you were on the phone but when he realizes that you’re not he starts asking questions. The blush on your face gives way to your slight embarrassment but it’s all erased after you tell him what you were doing. The look on his face is priceless. He still has so many questions but now he’s more focused on apologizing for his mere existence, you tell him that it’s no big deal but he doesn’t wanna hear it. You will definitely hear him watching some YouTube videos about scripting later. He doesn’t wanna bombard you with questions but he wants answers. (And he will act like he never walked in on you in the first place)

✨️Masterlist✨️

#girlie anon ♡ #Changbin could be in the first group too #ask chili #neurodivergent reader #neurodivergent #skz #stray kids #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz ot8 #stray kids ot8 #stray kids headcanons #skz headcanons #stray kids fluff #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #skz fluff #skz bang chan #skz lee know #skz hyunjin #skz changbin #skz seungmin #skz han #skz felix #skz i.n #skz imagine #ot8 skz #ot8 x reader

[pianistbynight]

What are your top study strategies with piano? I'm a self-taught pianist that most started because of my love for your lie in April and how music moved people so I am always trying to improve!!!

hi! first of all, i'm sorry this took a while, i wanted to make sure i had as complete a list as possible without being too overwhelming! also not sure what level you're at, so i'm going to assume you're just starting out and you're looking to play classical music. 🙂 also this is more of a "do as i say, not as i do" bc i really struggle to do some of these consistently 🙈

try to learn some basic music theory as soon as you can. just enough to be able to read sheet music (how to read treble and bass clefs, accidentals, time signatures, basic rhythm, and key signatures) if you haven't already. that's something i regret not doing at the beginning bc the vast majority of music and all of classical music are written in sheet music and you get so much more info from it than you can from the best of synthesia videos. beyond that, knowing music theory -> pattern recognition, so it can help with sight reading and memorization. this is the youtube series i learned the basics from. it's pretty comprehensive although i find he's sometimes hard to hear and goes off on a tangent. at the very least, you can use it as a guide for what to type into the search box to get a more concise explanation as there are lots online!

familiarize yourself with the basic technical exercises (scales, arpeggios, triads, etc.) in every key bc those patterns and fingerings appear all the time in classical music.

practice sight reading. (yes, i know it hurts the brain, it hurts mine too, but it will really really speed up the learning process when learning new repertoire so we can focus on the more fun aspects of music! 😆😅)

practice every day! and not just moving your fingers, your mind needs to be present and your ears need to be listening (e.g. are you playing with the right dynamics? are you moving in a way that will get the right tone? how is your posture?). sometimes it's a lot to be thinking about as you're playing, so it helps to record yourself and listen back. once you feel yourself losing focus or making the same mistakes over and over again, maybe it's time to take a little break bc practice makes permanent and you don't wanna injure yourself 🙂

on that note, playing an instrument is kind of like playing a sport in that you need to make sure you use proper form so you don't injure yourself (using bigger muscle groups like your arm and gravity rather than forcing the sound through blocky fingers)! if you play on a digital, the keys will generally be lighter than on an acoustic (highly recommend trying to play on both to compare!), so making a conscious effort to play the way you would be forced to on an acoustic is all the more important.

i hope this helps! my ask box is always open if you have any more questions or just wanna talk music 🎶💗 i'm really excited for you! expressing yourself through music and sharing it with others is so fulfilling 😊

#musicblr #music student #music studyblr #studyblr #studyspo #study motivation #asks #classical music #study tips #study advice

[the-music-phantoms]

- how did you get your system name?

- funniest out of context system quote?

- favorite system holiday?

- do you have subsystems?

- what is switching like for you?

- are there any hobbies you all have?

- what's your headcount?

- do your alters/headmates have different voices or speech patterns?

- does anyone in your system like art?

- how easily does the system split?

- is your system fictive-heavy? factive-heavy? neutral?

- what songs remind you of your alters/ headmates?

- how much amnesia do you experience?

- what do your alters/headmates do in their free time?

what is headspace like for you?

- are there any non-human alters/ headmates?

- what songs remind you of your alters/ headmates?

? - how much amnesia do you experience?

- what do your alters/headmates do in their free time?

- what is headspace like for you?

- are there any non-human alters/ headmates?

- what do you all do to recharge?

- how does the system cope with stress?

- how did you discover your system?

- do any alters help out with school/work?

- who are your frequent fronters?

- I love you all, my sweet little Phantomssssss ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

- have you ever bought your alters/ headmates things?

- what are your introjects/fictives usually sourced from?

-🌀&🧜‍♀️

1. The host's online last name, (we don't remember how they got it tbh) plus the fact we like music =the music phantoms/ the Phantom sys

2. "Holy fuck, I'm being harassed by clowns again"

3. I don't think we have one, our fav holiday syswide would be our birthday because yes :]

4. Yes, including the Raine subsys and a few others

5. Usually painful tbh, our head drops and our eyes roll into the back of our head and it hurts but we also have times where we didn't even realize we had switched and nothing really happens soooo

6. fanfiction writing, makeup type stuff, anything horror related

7. Idk, somewhere over 60

8. Sometimes, the children all have a slight baby voice and some alters message more chaoticly than others and some have typing quirks

9. Ehhhh, we all suck at doing it but all somewhat enjoy it

10. Semi easily- it depends but we usually don't split too often

11. Fictive heavy

12. Raine reminds me of Lemons by Cavetown

13. I don't remember/j (but seriously, a bit but not as much as you may think-)

14. Mostly just hang out and cause chaos tbh

15. Big. We have the house where almost everybody has a room, the circus, the bar, the ruins, the forest, the basement in the house etc

16. Yes, lots :,]

17. Sleep, talk to our partners and bestie, watch Tv/ youtube; listen to music etc

18. Honestly, just cry about it usually

19. There's never been a time without us, as far as the host remembers we've always been here. We only got "discovered" when they finally found the name for it (did)

20. Yes, mainly Kiyo, Kayda, and Sunny

21. It changes a lot but is currently Eyera, Raine, Kai, TV, and Rodrick

22. Ehsieuuehdjdjeheu- <333333333

23. Yes, cosplay items, charms they liked, plushies etc

24. Danganronpa tbh- or whatever our Brain is hyperfixated on at the time.

#did #did osdd #did system #actually did #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #ask game #endos dni #system things #system #dissociative system #traumagenic system

[punamc]

I installed Tumblr because of @amar-hiyar-majhe

She is an active blogger in Tumblr and since we're very close to each other, she wanted me to write blogs too and then to reblog each other's posts. I did install it a few days back but couldn't actually get the time to sit and think about any desired topic. And everyday she was like "Punam, when are you gonna write blogs???" And each time I said, "I've no idea what to write."

I'm an introvert, a loner and an overthinker. So I guess everyone can understand what I do when I'm alone. I think a lot. I think about everything deeply. But it's not a rare thing. Most of the people (mainly girls) nowadays have the tendency to overthink stuffs.

But usually I don't have the habit of jotting down my feelings. I do write a few paragraphs in my "Keep Notes" app when I feel extreme, which is usually once or twice a month. But I like to keep those private. Moreover, nowadays I'm not even getting the time to feel overwhelmed. It's not like I'm very busy. It's just that I don't allow myself anymore to think too much and get hurt about something which will make no good in my life and like to keep myself busy most of the time. Those used to physically hurt my brain and heart which was absolutely unhealthy so I decided to just stop. Nowadays I have an attitude like "Jo hoga dekha jayega".

Today all of a sudden I remembered someone close to me saying that I should keep a hobby for myself. Something I'll like to do when I'm free which will refresh my brain. I had one before which is singing but due to some reasons it's no more a hobby of mine. After that I didn't consider anything as my hobby. Although I love to read books and sometimes write about stuffs but that's not regular. On a regular basis I usually watch YouTube videos and movies but again it's not so productive. Basically these things don't take much time and we don't require to give much attention and concentration. And for these reasons they're not productive.

I thought I should start being productive now. And writing blogs is one among them. So yeah, from now I'll start writing blogs, not on a daily basis, but whenever it'll be relevant for me.

And that's it! I blabbered too much about myself which was not necessary I guess. Thank you to the few people who'll read it till the end.

We all should start discovering ourselves more.

~Punam

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Writing Pattern Tag Game

@bootlegfrank tagged me and @septiccoffeefreak - who shares this post w me because we're writing partners >:3 (frank tagged us indirectly. and then directly because i responded saying i was gonna do it. so in-indirect-diretly(??))

Rules: list the first lines(s) of your last 10 fics and see if there's a pattern. I also said where each one is from in case u don't wanna scroll through our ao3 and do the math urself!!!

all these fics except one r RPF, sooo BE WARNED. i'm putting everything under da cut, and i'm also putting my reblog banner since fanfiction!!! is!!! art!!!

Seán’s about ready to burn his entire calendar.

from "Scheduling Conflicts and How To Cope - A Guide For The Busy Homosexual"

Tommy hates LA with every fiber of his being.

from "City Of Angels"

it's cold, and it hurts.

from "The Part Where it Gets Better (Lads rescue AU)", and also THIS SOUNDS SO WEIRD OUT OF CONTEXT LIKE WHAT'S COLD??? it's water. the water is cold. this is the character based one btw. WE FOUND IT, THE NON-RPF!!!

Tommy inspects Seán’s behelit tattoo carefully, running his thumb over it a little, then kisses it.

I fucking would. kissing all his tattoos right now. mwah. this goddamn MOOD is from "There's No Place Like Home"

Ethan N3st0r was not expecting Seán to still be awake at three AM, even though with jet lag considered, he really fuckin should have.

I censored the name for search but it's not like that in the fic, that's just for tumblr. anyway, from "Three Drabbles In Which Tommy and Seán are bad at Keeping Secrets"

Ethan's the one to bring it up first, on Brain Leak, of all things.

OPENING WITH ETHAN AGAIN LMAOO. this is from "And Suddenly, It Makes Sense."

"So, who would have thought, huh? T0mmy1nn1t and Jacks3pt1c3y3, famous YouTubers, passed away in their sleep on the same night."

censored for tumblr again. from "Count your Soulmates- There's only one."

Seán and Tommy have sleepovers sometimes.

from "kissing practice". very original opening line /sar /lh (also tbh i feel awful about em being evil in this one :( I know its fanfic and i can do whatever I want but like. idk. i'm not accusing em of being mean IRL okay??? OKAY))

Seán spends about fifteen minutes pacing and staring at himself in the mirror, doing breathing exercises his therapist taught him and trying not to rub or scratch his wrists too much.

from "Puppy Love", the closest we've ever gotten to full misce posting on main

They were gluing ducks to a jeep the first time it happened.

FROM "PETNAMES" AND ALSO THE BEST OPENING LINE EVER

INTERPRETATION TIME!!!!

soooo yeah!!! we like to jump right into action as well but I think it's safe to say our autistic ass habits of giving exposition for everything lead to the specific outcome of starting in the middle of a scene, WITH an explanation of the scene. like we're already in the middle of something going on but also sometimes it's exposition at the same time somehow?? or like right after these first lines. idk maybe that's just me????

the way it's usually less (character does this) and more (character does this BECAUSE ____ // character is doing this and FEELING ____) feels like it's trying to give context, to me. but again idk maybe just me

TIME FOR SEÁN'S READING:

@septiccoffeefreak - "What I'm noticing here is more along the lines of just, how we almost always seem to open with a person. Usually by their actual name(s) too and not just a pronoun. I understand what you mean, Tommy, but I don't personally get that vibe? You could totally be right, of course, I just don't pick up on that. I defenitely notice, though, just how many of these are sentences where the literal first word is a name. the two exceptions to that are the pronoun "they" (which is still a person- or two people actually), and then water.

I guess the dialogue could also be considered an exception, but I don't think it counts since it also directly references us as characters.

and that's not something you necessarily have to do. You could open describing scenery or objects, or with dialogue that DOESN'T have the names of the characters in it- you could open with wind through a blade of grass or a character cursing under their breath or someone's cellphone crashing to the pavement or something. So it's definitely an "us" thing, it's a quirk of our writing style and not just normal writing. I don't know if like, we ALWAYS do this, but I do know that in these ten fics you pulled we do. I wouldn't be surprised if we did it like literally all the time as well, but I'm not going to pretend to know every first line we've ever penned to paper. or...print?? I don't fucking know, here, I'm just analyzing sentences on the internet for a tagging project.

Sorry if this ramble is kind of long, I hope it's at least interesting though??? sort of interesting? kind of interesting, in it's own way, hopefully. at least mildly, like a video you didn't turn on but aren't really reaching for the mouse/remote on to change it. You know?? Yeah. Like that. Or more interesting then that, hopefully. Thanks for uh, reading or, whatever, listening if you have a screen reader i guess, I'm getting nervous and it's very obvious because i'm rambling so I'm gonna hand things back off to the birthday boy, Toms. wish Tommo a happy birthday or I swear to fucking god your liver will be missing in the morning and you'll find it at the bottom of your morning cup of coffee."

back to me:

LMAO

wow omg i love my babygirl,,,, that made me laugh >:p

ANYWAYS. i didn't notice that!! oh em gee,,,,, name moment.

YOU SHOULD DO THIS TOO AND SEE IF YOUUUU SEE ANYTHING!!!!!

I'M TAGGING @kalcifers-blog AND.... no one else because all my other mutuals who i know for a fact write have paused as far as i'm aware, bc they're into mcyt RPF like I am and the w1lbvr situation put them on hiatus. and i don't know if any of them are back to feeling up to writing stuff.

I don't write about w1bvr ever and didn't watch him so I wasn't that affected but a lot of people were even if they just watched so like... Kalcie ur alone on here i'm SO SORRIE. ALSO this is /nf so u don't have to if u dont want to :p :3 >:D :000 >:PPPP :000 >:00

#i made a textpost #tommy's og art wow #fanfic #rpf fanfiction #rpf #fanfic rpf #rpf fanfic #fanfiction rpf #tagging game #tag game #tag chain #writting pattern tag game #septicinnit #literally all of these RPF fics. are septicinnit

[iamyouknow-yours]

I've seen a few people trying to decide between getting a mobility scooter and an electric wheelchair.

Mobility scooters are cheaper but both are expensive. I'm gonna tell you about my scooter and my experience with it. I have the CTM HS-115 scooter. She is red and has 3 wheels. I'll include photos at the end plus a bonus photo of my cat sitting on it.

Things:

The turning circle!!! My house has narrow passages and it can be quite difficult to maneuver the scooter because of the turning circle. Especially when I'm having a bad brain fog day. I have gotten better at maneuvering though.

Wheelchairs have a turning circle of themselves. My scooter has one that is I think around a metre? I don't remember, my memory is bad.

Also it has this really annoying function where it can't be pushed even on pushing mode if it isn't on perfectly flat ground because the automatic braking system kicks in.

I'd also have a look at the amount of rise any mobility aid you are looking at can go over because when entering inaccessible buildings (like my house, I have to lift it up/get someone else to lift it for me.

Some of these problems would not be fixed by getting not a mobility scooter but some would.

My back sometimes hurts if I'm in it for a while (because the back rest is not very tall) but I've fixed this by having a cushion and remembering to lean back all the way.

To be clear though I love my scooter. She is very useful and has loads of benefits.

And I don't know any of the downsides of a power chair because I have no lived experience with one.

She can go on pretty rough terrain. She's pretty sturdy. I've taken her to the park near my house and round my friend's garden. As well as more obvious places like the mall.

Only time I've had an issue was when I went to this very hilly place where the ground sloped to the side and then she didn't want to brake.

The driving system means I can switch which hand I use plus my friend can walk next to me and maneuver me.

There's enough space by my feet that I can put my backpack there too.

It's fit in every car I've tried it in with just regular disassembly. Except my friend's dad's two seater car but then he disassembled it more using Tools™ and it fit.

It has good battery life, it hasn't run out on me.

The system for viewing how much battery you have left is bad though. It has 3 lights (red, orange, green) and supposedly the green turns off then the orange then the red and it's dead. But me and my friends can never figure out which lights are on and which are off.

It has a blue warning light which flashes in various sequences when something is wrong. I've had the scooter for several months and have never had it flash.

Fastest speed is 6km/h which is like someone jogging.

I got them to remove the beeping it makes when it reverses because that was Terrible.

The only customisation I've done to mine so far is put stickers that tell me which direction (forwards or backwards) the controls make it go. Because it's the opposite on the left and right. Which makes it easier if you want to swap hands or have a friend maneuver you but I need the stickers to tell me which way to push or pull the lever.

I am looking for ideas on how to customise her so please give suggestions. If anyone has suggestions on how to make the back rest taller that would be so appreciated.

Please include your own advice in the reblogs/replies. Looking forward to advice for future wheelchair users who need it.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhADVL2AiGX-gwr9ekt_SJC-UcURkXCOP

That's a playlist from the british youtuber Jessica Kellgren-Fozard. It's 4 videos of her trying out and picking a mobility aid. Includes useful advice and tips. And then 1 excellent video talking about mobility aids and "giving up". That video was quite useful in convincing various family members that that was not what I was doing by getting my scooter.

My scooter's name is Atalanta after the woman from Greek mythology who could run faster than any man. I think I'm very funny.

My cane is in the background of some of the photos because I rest it next to my scooter.

#mobility aid #scooter #mobility scooters #mobility scooter #electric wheelchair #pros and cons #power chair #power wheelchair #wheelchair advice #wheelchair user #advice #disability #chronic illness #disabled #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #cat #wheelchair #mobility aid user #mobility aids #disabled life #mobility #mobility scooter advice #buying mobility aid #buying mobility scooter #wheelchair vs scooter #wheelchairs #actually disabled #invisible disability #physically disabled #physical disability

[breesays]

My son, my sun

Where did my little boo learn to talk to plants? We take plant babies from Gramma Lita's massive yard, recently started propagating them in water. Nothing for the first couple of weeks. Then Des said, "Mama, let me hold them" - and he took the bulb in his hand, looked lovingly at that little would-be-could-be plant and spoke to it in a way that astonished me. "You are so beautiful" he said. "You are doing such a good job. I am so happy to see you." I died, they thrived.

Four nights ago we unwrapped a fragrant bath bomb and I said, "Mmm, rose" and he started serenading me, from the "wonderful roses" part of "Til There Was You" and who can even do that? I feel like if I want to sing something, even casually, I have to start from the top. He vocalizes the percussion part of songs. Chh chh chh. Probably not revolutionary, but something new for my brain.

Some of the moms who got a spot in TK are reporting back that one of their kids "goals" for the year is to count to 20. Oh. Des can count to 100, and in Spanish. The other day he taught me how to say "knees" in Spanish, which is when I found out he can sing "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" in a second language. He remembers numbers really well, and has a good grasp of time. He can math way more at 4 years old than I could at like, 7 years old - and that's just because it's interesting to him, measurements and doubling things and how old was his friend Felix when he turned 2? Sometimes I just have to say, "That is a calculation I can't do on the fly, buddy."

He's growing his hair out long so he can make it curly, like his friend Vienna and his cousin Emerson. I wish he liked to read books together more, but maybe that will come later. It's OK if that's an interest we don't share. We make up new words until we're too tired, me channeling the IKEA catalog. Sometimes he says, "I have an idea - let's count to the highest number we know" to which I reply, "That does not sound like fun to mama, can we play a word game instead?" He also loves blowing up and popping balloons. Actually, he loves doing a lot of things with balloons - keepy uppy, birdy-flying, inflating then deflating, using them as stamps, talking about them on his imaginary YouTube channel...

He likes to eat seaweed snacks and will basically try any food at least once. He loves tomatoes, so much so that he will eat them like an apple. He steals my sushi and told me the pumpkin seeds needed "more paprika."

He makes funny observations. I took him to my work party recently and I told him Erica was in charge. When we looked back at photos from that night he asked, "Does Erica ever go home?" I said "Yes, of course, she has two kiddos of her own - why do you think that she doesn't?" He said, "Well, she's in charge."

My therapist is retiring at the end of the year, and then I won't have anyone to tell me what's healthy or adjusted anymore. I told her that sometimes Desmond says, "You know, Mama, I love Dada more than you." I respond: "That's OK, my love for you doesn't change." It doesn't hurt me, it makes me curious - what is he trying to accomplish? That non-judgemental curiosity they tried to summon from the depth of my cold being during the "can we save this marriage?" time - there it is! Therapist said: It's remarkable that he even vocalized this. It's called secure attachment.

For awhile I also wondered - does Des need therapy during this transition? He has asked why we don't live together anymore and I said, "not all families live together" - but all the families he knew of, did. So we got a couple books. Representation. Therapist said: Unless he is acting out, or it's disrupting, he is ok. Again, the fact that he's even asking these questions is GREAT. I do a value a good question-asker.

I'm still writing my book of essays and I've recently hit 38K words. I've considered publishing under a pseudonym, because I don't want to FIGHT about asexuality. I just want some previously unlearned people to know that it EXISTS. I publish most of my revelations and feelings about being Ace on my Medium. The blog that upset him was titled "Ace Week 2023" - and posted on Medium. I didn't have the time or mental capacity to react at the time. I just chose not to. Spiral, if you must - I will not add any fuel. But I did feel mad, when I unboxed that compartmentalization --

Sometimes I want to be kind and gentle and empathic because, wow we didn’t know anything, did we? There wasn’t the vocabulary for what I was experiencing. There were no alternate storylines to draw inspiration from. But sometimes I am furious, violated, underestimated. 

If you just light the path, everyone will find their own way there, right? I’m the deer in headlights, then I run towards the inevitable crash. Scampering off into the unlit wild was somehow more intimidating. So, blind yourself. Numb yourself. Anything to get to the other side.

#breesays #parenting #medium #toddlers #therapy

[pigeonwit]

I pretty sure you’ve single-handedly unlocked a new hyperfixation within me

I’ve been vaguely following Billie the kid, watching their reels, enjoying bow pics, and of course the queerness of it all. This whole time I had very little clue what the plot was just that it was Queer and Ryan Kopel was involved (I mean what more could you need really) but after reading you brief synopsis of it I have the urge to absorb any and all information pertaining to this show so thank you for that /gen 🫡🫡

P.S. your art is lovely thank you for sharing it with us all <3

so help me god i will turn the venn diagram between daisies and fansies into a CIRCLE-

thanks so much maura, i'm glad i could give you some more information on the show nad allow you to connect to it in some way!! i have plenty of posts with a bunch of information about the show, including my rough notes, and i'd be happy to send you all the links i have if you'd like them! just shoot me a DM and i'll pass them along :)

PS i don't quiiiite know what you mean by art? none of those photographs were mine and i haven't made any art for it at all, only a themed battle jacket i made for the show. the only creative thing i do is writing, and i haven't really written anything for the show yet, besides this:

“So, like-” Christ, Jack can feel himself getting breathless with how excited he is, “-okay – rodeos. Are those actually, like… A thing? ‘Cause I’ve seen YouTube videos-”

Davey scoffs into his coffee.

“God, Jackie, the south isn’t all cowboys and rodeos. Sometimes places are just places.”

David shoots him a quizzical look, which makes Davey give him the same look right back, the two of them such a flawless mirror image that Jack’s brain is bending in half trying to comprehend it.

“What?” Davey tries to smile, but Jack’s known him long enough to recognize his nervous twinges.

“I mean…” David swivels his hawk-eyes across the table, peering from person to person as he judges what to say. “Yeah, you’re right an’ all, Winchester Creek ain’t nothin’ special, but – kinda rich comin’ from you, huh?”

Davey frowns.

“Coming from me?”

David blinks at him owlishly, and it’s such a Davey mannerism that Jack has to shake his head a little just to shift David back behind the line that separates the two.

“Dude.” He says flatly. “You came third in bronc ridin’ at our junior rodeo back when we were like, twelve.”

“What?!” Davey splutters, though Jack can barely hear him – the whole table’s yelling over each other at the sheer idea of Davey in a rodeo, and Jack’s too busy staring at him, mouth agape, his terrible mind filled with equally terrible images of Davey on a horse, Davey with a lasso, Davey shirtless on a horse with a lasso-

“C’mon, you know this!” David insists. “It was that summer your dad got hurt real bad an’ ya momma sent ya ‘round to us, remember? You were there for months and ya fuckin’ hated it, so my pop gotcha into our county’s Li’l Britches. I know,” he scoffs, tipping back a little in his seat, “because pop made us stay there the whole day before you went on. Think he thought I’d get jealous and wanna join in.” He tips his chin up curtly and takes what is quite possibly the bitchiest sip of his cold brew. “Didn’t fuckin’ work, though.”

“David.” Jack says gravely, and when two heads turn in synchrony to look at him, quickly adds, “uh, sorry, no – my David.”

“Well, I could be.” David shrugs with a sly grin, and Jack’s whole body feels like paper being punched into a little ball.

#billie the kid #billie the kid musical #baura-bear #ask #newsies #uksies #(technically) #pigeon scribbles

[imfrom-neptune]

Rambly brain dump

I’m probably venting actually idk

Maybe don’t read this I just need to put it somewhere

I don’t think I realized that all the shit that happened just genuinely wasn’t as funny as I thought it was

Like it was happening and I was like “lmao my dad broke in a window tryna get into my house”. But let’s be real. My dad broke in a window tryna get into my house. What?? That happened to me? I was supposed to go to a concert that night. I missed it because I was helping to clean up glass and keep my siblings entertained. My dad broke a window.

I freak out when cars pass by my window and get nervous when people knock in the door cause it reminds me of the night my dad had cops shine lights through our windows at 4am trying to see if we were home. And the stupidest thing is no, my mom wasn’t home. I was alone and I had to be brave and deal with that by myself. Because she stayed out with her boyfriend and was too much of a coward to come back and keep me safe.

I stayed up until 5am packing up and moving and leaving my entire life behind. I live in a little house with a tiny pull out bed and a toy box as a bedside table. I packed my shit up while my mom was throwing away my things and yelling at me for not being able to carry things that were too heavy. I still packed my things and I still ended up in this sad little house and I still left my safe place and I can’t ever go back. That home belongs to someone else. That place isn’t mine anymore.

And this doesn’t even only apply to things that happened during the divorce.

I had to have been like six at most, and my mom had my mouth tapped shut while I cried in a corner.

I’ve been locked out on my front porch at least three times. I was maybe 12.

My mom has been throwing out my things for years. It started with toys when I “misbehaved”, and now it’s things that actually matter to me. She broke into my fucking locker thing just to get into my personal stuff and throw it all away. And then she had the nerve to deny it. She threw away my art because she didn’t like it. She took away the apps I needed to make YouTube videos because she didn’t like them. Everything I’ve ever told her I liked, she’s always found a way to ruin.

When my parents found out I was queer they yelled at me about it for hours. Punished me for it. Told me I could tell anyone I wanted but no one would ever believe me. And y’know what? I told my Opa and he believed me. They’re probably half the reason I was so scared to tell him. But guess fucking what? They were wrong. And now they want me to believe they’re soooo supportive? Fuck that.

In 7th grade I was (for lack of a nicer way to say it-) very suicidal and I struggled slightly with hurting myself. Ofc I didn’t hurt myself in a way that mattered, I don’t even have scars anymore, but regardless. They found out about this, and punished me for that too. I literally wanted to be dead, thought I deserved it, and they grounded me for it. Didn’t help me at all. Just made me feel worse about it. I got myself clean and I made myself want to be alive again. They didn’t do anything for me.

I’ve been hit for things I shouldn’t have been. Sometimes I made the mistake of fighting back. I haven’t been hit since the divorce, cause y’know, they want me to like them. But I used to be hit all the time and I’m now realizing how scary that really is.

I’ve been threatened to have cops called on me. I’ve been threatened to be abandoned. I’ve been threatened to be killed.

I’ve been told straight up that my mother regrets me. Which is the funniest (or, maybe not funniest?) thing because I was literally unplanned. Though my mom refuses to admit it, I did the math, and my dad told me. We all know.

And I guess I just find it easier to play it like a joke. But it’s sorta hit me over the past two weeks that it actually affected me and I actually have problems because of it. It’s not funny. I may have had a childhood full of toys but I also had yelling outside my door at late night hours.

And I just played it as a joke because I didn’t know what else to do. Now it’s too late to be upset about it. It’s all happened and now I’ve gotta grow up and pretend it didn’t. I didn’t get the good parents. And I can’t do anything about it.

and it’s so scary cause if they can fake 20 years of love, what does that say about me? I’m both of them in one. I’m every bad thing they’ve done, put together. I’m a result of those mistakes. Am I designed to be as bad as they are? Cause I desperately want to be nothing like them.

I wish none of this ever happened to me. I remember too much and at the same find half of my memory is blank. I don’t know why I deserved this, and it makes it so hard to believe I didn’t. Why would such bad things happen to me if I didn’t deserve it? I did it all by myself for what reason?

#vent post #tw suicide mention #tw sh mention #shitty parents

[hannahlovesluca]

Hello hello! Heard you do nijisanji match ups, i was wondering if i can have one too :DD

(Preferably Male, but Female is fine too!)

Gender: Female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: Omnisexual (basically like pansexual but yeah, it's hard to explain😭)

Zodiac: Aries

Appearance: 5'6/5'7, chubby, medium lenght wavy hair, tanned skin, dark brown eyes

Mbti: INFJ/INFP (took the test multiple times, these are the two i get always)

Personality: energetic, likes to joke around (in the right time of course), friendly, kind of smart? (My brain is confusing👁👁), sometimes soft spoken, gets easily irritated when im forced to multitask.

Likes: music, food, movies, nature, photography, cooking, playing games, doodles, late night talks

Dislikes: bitter food, when people ask the same question over and over again,

Love Language;

Giving: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving

Receiving: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch

Extra: i tend to tap my foot nervously, i hum whenever i cook sometimes or put on a vod in youtube and watch while i do chores.

(That's all! Let's see if i can get my oshi, thank you for this! Hope you have a wonderful day!)

I pair you with…

Ike Eveland !

hear me out…

• first off: IMAGINE HIM LETTING YOU DOODLE ON HIM IN MARKER IF YOUR NERVOUS RAHH 🦅🦅

• no seriously like making a bunch of heart doodles on his hands 🫶🫶🫶

• he overworks himself a lot and if you pull him out of his trance he will melt melt melt

• srsly if u worry about his health hes going to be wrapped around your pretty little finger

• he dates for marriage; not for fun. so if youre not up for a serious relationship he will probably end things even if it hurts him

• FYCK I DONT EVEN WANT TO THINK AB IKE BEING SAD I LOVE HIM SM

• someone needs to match me up w him fr

• anyway, will hum you to sleep as well if you have trouble sleeping. its the sweetest thing ever.

• omg imagine coming home one day and the first thing you hear from his streaming room is his metals screams LMAOO

• “BARRRRGGHHHHH 🔥🔥”

• he knows your introverted and he is too so he’ll probably take you on dates to restaurants every now and then, but most of the time he’ll set up at home dates

• imagine him setting up a fort of blankets, pillows, etc and having netflix on the TV (bonus points if youre watching Thirteen pls that is my most favorite movie of all time..)

• IMAGINE THE SNACKS HE WOULD GET

• okay end of rant i love him too much

• HE WILL READ YOU TO SLEEP 11/10 EXPERIENCE HE HAS THE BESTEST VOICE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

• if youre sick he might EMPHASIS ON MIGHT sing you to sleep

• will actually ask if caviar toast would help you if youre sick

• in his eyes caviar toast makes everything better

RUNNERS UP: Hex Haywire, Selen Tatsuki

#luca kaneshiro #ike eveland #luxiem #luxiem x reader #shu yamino #mysta rias #vox akuma #nijisanji en #ike eveland x reader

[eumeliafeu]

I am watching some clips on YouTube from Bagi and Cellbit's lives(It's the video Cellbit Reads His Diary before he got lost on QSMP Minecraft by Jetmoh) and I'm at the point in the video where Bagi is talking to Cellbit and just... the way he is talking is so reminiscent of how I sound when I'm spiraling or when my twin(@minafeu) is spiraling and it... it hurts.

Like, he has just read diary entries about his lost memories and stuff that implies he saw the horrors of possibly the hybrid project and ran away because of that... and like... now he is standing in front of his twin sister literally spiraling(other a continuation of his spiraling that started his killing spree or one brought on by remembering his childhood or something like that) and just feeling unheard by the person who sound get him the most(this is speculation on my part because of how he is justifying his actions and rambling).

Honestly, it hits a little too close to home because when I'm spiraling and rambling to my twin, I feel super unheard sometimes and that leads to me getting upset and rambling more, seeing no end to the awfulness of everything happening to me. It just speaks to me a lot and reminds me why I relate to him so much. I want to get better and be a better person but trauma can make me spiral just like it might be doing to him. I have no doubt in my mind that his current spiral and killing spree was caused by the hurt of KNOWING he was supposed to have and did have a family but he forgot he did and a mix of that survival instinct that we can see in Fuga Impossível(I haven't really watched it bc I speak English and a little Spanish so it is difficult for me but in what I have seen and heard about he seems to be VERY survival oriented due to his actions and how he treats others) and honestly if we heard more about his time in the war that would probably show up too.

Give my man a break(we all know he isn't getting one any time soon). Anyway, sorry for the rambling the way he was speaking just low-key set something off in me and honestly made me want to psycho-analyze him a little. I honestly just think he has low-key questionable morals thanks to BBH but has a crazy survival instinct that hasn't changed even since he was a child(in one of the books he mentioned wanting to swim far away from the island because of what he had seen(I ran them through google translate, the translation could be totally wrong but I'm pretty sure it was right)). Cellbit has made such an interesting character to follow and look at and I honestly just want to study his cubito's brain despite not wanting to be a psychologist or anything like that.

#qsmp #qsmp cellbit #cellbit #cellbit qsmp #q!cellbit #liveblogging #? #I think idk if it counts #qsmp liveblog