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#star wars therapy group

galacticwildfire · 5 months

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Chewie and BB-8 ft Threepio

I just had to share these bts photo’s I found on Pinterest 😭🧡

#bb-8 is the groups therapy droid #chewbacca #bb-8 #Star Wars #Threepio #c-3po #Chewie #bb 8 #c 3po #sequel trilogy

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bbygirl-obi · 8 months

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"the jedi don't have therapists-"

jedi philosophy, and in particular the practices and teachings that jedi were expected to implement in their everyday lives, was therapy. dialectical behavior therapy (dbt), to be exact. anyone who's familiar with dbt knows where i'm already going with this, but like genuinely look up the basic tenets of dbt and it's identical with what the jedi were doing.

dbt, to put it simply, is a specific therapy technique that was designed for ptsd and past trauma. it's pretty different from traditional talk therapy. it combines a few different environments (individual, group, etc.), recognizing that no single format of treatment can stand alone.

the key focuses of dbt include:

emotional regulation- understanding, being more aware of, and having more control over your emotions

mindfulness- regulating attention and avoiding anxious fixation on the past or future

interpersonal effectiveness- navigating interpersonal situations

distress tolerance- tolerating distress and crises without spiraling and catastrophizing

i'm sure it's already clear from that list alone how much the jedi teachings correspond with the goals of dbt. the jedi value, teach, and practice the following:

identifying and understanding emotions

mindfulness and living in the present

compassion, diplomacy, and conflict resolution (on interpersonal scales, not just planetary or galactic)

accepting and tolerating certain levels of distress or discomfort (particularly mental, such as discomfort at the thought of losing a loved one to death)

idk man seems almost as if jedi mental health practices and dbt are two sides of a completely identical coin. (fun fact: both star wars and dbt are products of the 70s.)

and guess what? dbt was specifically designed as a treatment for borderline personality disorder. remember that one? or, if you don't, maybe you remember a specific character, the one who was literally used as an example by my professor in my undergrad psych class when she was teaching us about bpd?

tldr: simply existing within the jedi community, practicing jedi teachings, surrounded by a support network of other jedi of all life stages, was the therapy for anakin. even when viewed through a modern lens. it was even, more specifically, the precise type of therapy that has developed in modern times to treat the exact types of mental issues he was struggling with.

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skellymom · 2 months

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"Bring Me To My Knees" PART 2

Crosshair/Hunter x Reader Non Gendered SMUT++

Dividers by the talented: @saradika and @4ngelic-wh1spers

Background: Reader and Crosshair are separated from the group during the rescue of Omega and Tech from Mt Tantiss. Two broken people trying to get by in the galaxy. Then two broken people finally dealing with what happened to their group.

Word Count: 2.3K

Warning: Star Wars Canon violence, angst, death of major character, sadness, crying, guilt, permanent injury, stuff blowing up, swearing, kissing, intercourse, heavy petting, bite kind, blood kink, pain kink, spank kink, smutty/lemony content, lovers triangle with Hunter and Crosshair.

FOR CLARITY, HUNTER FLASHBACK SMUT SCENE IN CHAPTER 1. THE CROSSHAIR SMUT SCENE IS IN THIS CHAPTER 2. Broke this up in 2 chapters because I just couldn't stop writing...and 4K might be too much for one sitting.

I purposely wrote the reader in this fic to be of no specific gender. Tried to carefully craft the sexual scenes to accommodate either gender/non gendered/trans/genderfluid/non-binary. Everyone has hills, valleys, sexual organs, nipples, and erogenous zones. I wrote them into the story, but it's up to you dear reader to put your imagination to work. Hope I have done a good enough job that you can enjoy yourself with Hunter and Crosshair without breaking immersion!

To read Chapter 1:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/744267915687264256/bring-me-to-my-knees-part-1?source=share

The intel proved to be correct. You and Crosshair traveled to an uncharted planet well past the Outer Rim. A quiet unassuming place to start planning a burgeoning Rebellion.

He piloted. As your ship entered planetary airspace several Rebel ships swooped in as escorts. The Rebel base radioed in to confirm your status.

“Crosshair, Clone Force 99 and Y/N, civilian. We are Rebel sympathizers wanting to join the Rebel cause and find our lost family and squad members.” You replied.

“Authenticating data. Hold your position.”

Silence as you and Crosshair waited on bated breath.

“You are clear to land. We will perform a customary inspection of your transport. Then check your gunnery and weapons at the docking station armory.”

“They’ll be taking my rifle OVER my DEAD body.” Crosshair snarked.

“Toothpick?”

“Hhm?”

“It’s your gun, NOT your dick. Let them do their job.”

He sighed and shook his head.

Word must have spread fast. No sooner did you land than Omega was out the bay door jumping up and down in excitement.

Crosshair barely got the gangplank down on the ship. You jumped over the stairs and landed on your hands and knees. Sprung up and ran to her.

Omega knocked you over with her embrace. You were both laying there crying. She had grown two heads taller and much stronger too.

Rebel soldiers had come out to check the validity of your claims. They stood aside seeing at least one of their residents recognize you. They had witnessed MANY reunions just like this as people were finding their way to the planet.

There was more: Wrecker wasn’t far behind. He scooped you both up and hugged you fiercely.

“AWWW...SO GLAD YOU’RE HERE! MISSED YA HORRIBLY!!!” Wiping away tears.

Echo approached with Phee.

Wrecker let you go, and you embraced them both with each arm.

“Phee...what happened???” Her beautiful hair was gone. Head covered and tied fashionably with a scarf. Burn scar down one side of her face. You noticed one hand had scars as well.

She shot Echo a strange look, then shrugged and perked up. “It’s growing back. Getting bacta therapy for the scars.”

“Tech? Hunter? Are they here?”

Echo answered “Come inside. We’ll get you settled.”

“Wait, I didn’t come alone.”

You turned towards your ship. Crosshair was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

Omega gave him a bear hug. He had allowed her that. Wrecker stood a few feet away watching them.

Echo took your hand. “Let’s give them some time to catch up.”

He and Phee led you inside the base past bustling personnel.

“Wait...I didn’t check my blaster...”

“That’s ok” Phee patted your shoulder. “We vouched for you. Crosshair though...”

You approached an open medical station with bacta tanks lined up...recognizing...

“TECH!”

He bobbed merrily in the solution, waving at your arrival.

You stopped to see he was missing both legs...just like Echo. There were scars all over his body, some weren’t present during his rescue. Tech saw your face and immediately started signing in Basic.

It is no major loss. I will be fine. Only 20 more rotations within this tank, then I shall be fitted for my prosthetics...please...don’t cry.

Things were starting to come together...Phee’s hair loss and burns...the Marauder being hit...

“WHERE’S HUNTER???” You yelled it in a panic.

Echo stepped in and took your hand. “Y/N... he...” The look on his face told you this wouldn’t be good news. Echo’s eyes registered the scarf draped around your neck.

There was a commotion behind you at the entrance of the base. Crosshair’s voice. Arguing with two Rebel troopers over his lack of compliance regarding check-in.

“Sir! We need you to...”

“NOT NOW! Can’t you see MY PARTNER is in distress!!!”

The trooper grabbed his arm. Crosshair immediately disarmed the man and put his ass on the floor. Then handed the troopers gun to HIS partner sneering, “I said FUCK OFF!”

The second trooper took the gun and commed for backup.

Crosshair stalked over gently putting his hands on your shoulders. Fixing Echo with his baleful stare. “Where’s Hunter?”

Echo fixed you both with his amber eyes. He sighed; his expression was so sad. “I’ll take you to him.”

Tech tapped on the tank to get Crosshair’s attention. Cross glanced over shocked. He hadn’t recognized who was in there. Then he noticed Tech’s condition.

I’ll be ok brother. He signed.

Tech put his hand up against the glass. Crosshair placed his on the other side against Tech’s.

The trooper’s backup arrived and trained their blasters on Crosshair. He turned and eyed them menacingly. Then dropped his hands from your shoulders, one of which you grabbed.

“Don’t start any shit, Toothpick. Please, this isn’t the time.” Squeezing his hand firmly.

He squeezed your hand back and stood down.

“Break it up Trooper. These are friendlies.” Captain Rex emerged from the back of the squad.

“But sir, he assaulted one of our Rebel staff. And he refused to check his rifle.” Pointing to Stormpuncher mounted on Crosshair’s back.

“I’ll handle it, Trooper. You are all dismissed.”

The Rebel squad eyed Crosshair uneasily as they filed away from the scene.

“Good to see you both alive and well.” Rex smiled genuinely. “But I’ll let Echo catch you up on everything.” He nodded to Echo and stepped away.

At this point Wrecker and Omega joined the group.

“Follow me.” Echo instructed.

You glanced at Tech as the group started to walk away. He smiled wistfully.

“I got them Brown Eyes.” She winked at Tech, and he winked back. But he still looked concerned.

Phee put her arm around your shoulder and walked with you. Crosshair followed at your other side silently.

The group filed through the whole facility: past logistics, maintenance, troop training, mess, quarters, a small prison area (mostly empty), daycare, pet kennel, a few non-descript departments, and finally to the back end of the facility. The group approached heavy double doors.

There was a sense of dread in your chest. Everyone was quiet. Echo looked heartbroken as he swiped his key card over the lock mechanism.

The doors opened to the outside. A HUGE garden stretching for over a mile...planted with the bodies of those fallen from the Empire. Headstones, holoshrines, helmets, and all manner of tributes marked each plot. Adults, children, military, civilians, even service animals. Droids who could not be repaired were erected as tribute statuary with holoplaques proclaiming their sacrifice.

Hunter was there. Laid to rest several rows down from the entrance.

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks.

“This isn’t real...” Shaking your head but staring straight ahead at Hunter’s helmet propped up on his plot. “NO... can’t.” Tears running down your face.

Phee rubbed your back. “I’m SO sorry.” She was crying too. “Broody saved my life. I almost burned to death.” She pulled off the scarf to reveal the severity of her injuries. “I’m the reason he’s here.”

Wrecker piped up “Noo, that’s not true. He would’ve done it for anyone on that ship.” He hugged Phee.

Survivor’s guilt. Your heart went out to her.

Crosshair took your hand and silently encouraged you to step down into the memorial and go to Hunter’s plot. You inhaled and stepped down...then your legs gave out. Crosshair grabbed your right shoulder. Echo ran over and supported your left.

They led you to the plot. Wrecker, Phee, and Omega stayed behind.

Soft grass was planted for whomever wished to sit and visit. Hunter’s helmet was surrounded by vivid red Poppies in full bloom. Echo seated you upon the grass. Crosshair kneeling beside you.

“Can I do anything at all for you both.” He inquired.

Silence.

“Uh...I’ll give you some privacy.”

“Echo?”

“Yeah?”

You swept him up in a hug again. “Thank you...for everything.” Tears returning.

“Oh, of course.” He embraced you back. Holding on for some time.

Echo patted your back and cleared his throat. He let go and wiped a tear from his face.

Then he was gone.

Crosshair sat stone faced staring at Hunter’s helmet bereft of emotion. It was the best he could do at this moment.

You took off the red scarf, slipped it over Hunter’s helmet, and arranged it as if draped off Hunter’s own shoulders.

Like he was sitting right in front of you with his bucket on...

A sudden loud sob escaped. Each exhalation became louder until it ended in a scream. Your face red and pressed into the warm grass. Watering Hunter’s grave with your tears. Freeing the emotion out of the pit of your being. Screaming, sobbing until empty, finally collapsing from exhaustion.

The afternoon progressed and the sun started to dip down towards the horizon.

“Hey” Crosshair nudged you from disassociation. “Let’s go.”

Numb, you let him haul you up under the shoulders. Standing, your vision went snowy and black.

Crosshair must have carried you to the ship. The next few days were a blur, you slept through most of it. He hovered, fixing ration soup and just about threatening to force feed you. Trading whatever he could for black market sweets just to get ANYTHING into your belly. You barely remember Echo, Wrecker, Omega, or Phee visiting. Or AZI monitoring your vitals, reporting them well within range, that it was “only” grief and would eventually pass.

Finally, after days in your bunk Crosshair had enough.

“Soup!” He poked you awake.

“Whaa?” Weakly turning over, burrowing under the blanket.

“Get up. You STINK!”

“Fuck off Crossy...”

“Get up, or I’m throwing you INTO the refresher. Clothes and all.”

You ignored him.

Crosshair reached under the blanket and yanked you up. You caterwauled hurling swears, too weak to fight. But you were strong enough to hold on.

He opened the refresher door and attempted to set you down. You stuck to him like shit on a Bantha’s behind. It turned into a wrestling match, both of you swearing at one another. One hand pried off him, then another would latch on, finally tearing his shirt to shreds.

Cross gave up and flipped on the water soaking you both. The cold spray only made you hold on tighter, pressing against his chest for warmth. He gave up, sighed, adjusted the temp to warm.

“Will you wash my hair?”

Sighing again. “Yes.”

You let go and turned your back to him. Crosshair lathered up his hands.

“Wait.” You pulled the soaked T-shirt over your head and threw it in the corner of the shower. Now you're only clad in underwear. “Ok.”

He applied the shampoo and did one helluva job massaging it into your hair. You smiled and groaned at the sensation. He finished by twisting the hair into a soapy point atop your head.

“Will you wash my back and neck?”

Heavy sigh. But he did. His hands were amazing.

“Toothpick, will...”

“I’m NOT washing your dirty ass...or anything else. You can reach.” Cross rinsed his hands and exited the refresher, leaving you to finish the job.

You finally exited the shower feeling and smelling much better.

Clean towels and comfy clothing were waiting for you. A non-descript box sat atop them.

Dried, dressed, brushed your hair and nasty teeth. Then opened the box. The beautiful black and silver scarf from Mel and Marv’s stand. Toothpick paid attention...and had held on to it the whole time.

You put it on and made your way back through the darkened ship.

Crosshair was waiting, sitting on a blanket spread out on the floor. There was a multitude of fresh food and rations upon it. Also, a lit candle in the middle. The kind he would razz you about that “smelled like flowers and shit.”

You smiled. “Is this a date?” Attempting some levity.

“Sit your ass down and eat.”

“Thank you.” Caressing the scarf around your neck.

“For what?” He played dumb. You could see he noticed.

“Everything. Being there for...” You couldn’t bear to speak it. “Taking care of me, this food...”

“Can’t have you dying on me. Would have smelled worse than you already did.”

“Oh...and that shower brawl...” looking up from your food. “THAT was certainly SOMETHING.”

Crosshair grinned. “You owe me a new shirt.”

“Do I, now? Well, don’t wear clothes in the refresher when you decide to throw me in.”

He cocked an eyebrow while biting into a ration bar.

“Then when I grab something, it’ll be foreplay.”

Crosshair choked on his food.

You stuffed yourself full. Satisfied, thanking Crosshair again (who rolled his eyes), and wandered back to your bunk.

He had changed the bedding out while you were in the refresher. It was clean and the blanket turned over, inviting you to slide in.

It felt wonderful burrowing into the clean sheets.

But sleep was elusive tonight.

The grief was still too much for you both.

Two people alone on a dark, silent ship. The distance between you palpable.

“Are...you awake?” he furtively asked with hushed tones in the dark.

“Umhmm.” Intrigued as to why he asked. Sitting up and sliding your legs off to the side of the bunk.

Silence.

You sat there in the dark waiting for an answer.

More silence...

youtube

(You like a song to go with the following scene? Please check it out. Smutty, but emotional)

...then Crosshairs hand gently smoothing away the hair from your temple.

You immediately embraced him tightly.

He falters for just a beat. Body frozen for what seems like an eternity. Would this scare him away?

Then you feel his arms encircle you, lips upon your cheek...kissing down to your lips.

Unable to hold back any further, you turn your head to meet his lips to yours.

Mouths opening to breathe into the well of one another. Sliding upon each other passionately. Breaths furiously taken in between long heated kisses.

Then parting quickly to pull the clothing from each other's body. Almost ripping the cloth away from bare skin. Occasional moans of longing for skin-to-skin contact.

Finally free of constraints, he stops to visually take you in...

...he’s waited SO LONG for this moment. Couldn’t help admiring your strength while rescuing him on Tantiss...but finding out you bonded romantically to Hunter...

“I... I’m afraid...” Terror and shame on his face.

This shocks you to hear such words fall from his lips. He’s so VULNERABLE...kneeling next to you proclaiming his feelings.

You reach out and stroke the side of his face, then firmly grip this chin. “So am I. But it’s just the two of us now.”

You both stare into the lonely abyss of each other's eyes.

“And I CAN’T STAND being alone.”

“Then you WON’T be...EVER” He reaches out across the space between, pulling you to his body. His heat, his need.

You have your own need, your heat blazes HOT with his deep kisses. Tongues intertwining.

Then he pulls away to bury his face next to your ear whispering EVERY DIRTY THING he’s going to do to you while nuzzling and nipping your ear. Rubbing his hard cock along your shin, sliding along the wetness it leaves behind.

You moan loudly...” Oh...fuck me...”

“Mhmm...” trailing his tongue down your neck. His hands caressing the inside of your thighs. Stopping just short of your sex. Teasing his fingers around it...teasing you into fever pitch.

Your hand on his shoulder digs your nails into his flesh. He moans in ecstasy from the pain. Trailing down your chest to nip and lick at your nipples. Crosshair stares up adoringly with half hooded eyes.

His hand casually brushes your sex and trails away.

Smiling while he teases.

You grip the edge of the bunk, bracing your feet on the floor, and buck out your hips in the air, gasping, baring your teeth.

Then he playfully but firmly slaps your sex.

It pisses you off while turning you on at the same time. The tension building.

His cock is SO slippery against your leg. The breath coming from him labored and shaky. Tracing your thighs just so closely to where you want to be stimulated, then away again.

“FUCK ME!” You growl deeply through your teeth. Something FERAL awakening in you. Shaking, sweating, digging harder into his shoulder. It starts to bleed, and his eyes roll back in his head.

His facial expression turns intense. He slaps your sex again. You moan louder, then growl again.

The teasing. It’s driving you INSANE.

He knows you’re about to lose it...

Crosshair stops kissing your chest, put’s his snarky, sexy, come-fuck-me-face up to your ear...

“...Mmm...bite me...”

Back somewhere in your sexually addled lizard brain registers this could be literal instead of figurative.

And he slaps you...ONE MORE TIME...

Without thinking you sink your teeth into his other shoulder. Blood seeping into your mouth.

Crosshair screams out in fevered sexual ecstasy...frotting his weeping cock furiously against your leg.

His slapping hand comes back fully on your sex, furiously stimulating...

...kneading...

...filling up your intimate spaces...

...sliding....

...you buck your hips tightly against the hand that services you...

...as the pressure of your molars squeeze the flesh of his shoulder...it’s heavenly pressure...the taste of copper as you suck it down...

Crosshair’s fevered thrusts of his hips.

The fevered ministrations of his hand.

Ragged breaths mixed with groans...whimpers...

You release your mouth from his shoulder, as you gasp for air... blood trailing down his back from the punctures. Small crimson rivulets running down your chin, neck, across your erect nipples...you fall back...Pressing your head into the bunk...eyes widening...mouth open. His left hand on the small of your back like a spotter, his right sending you over the edge...

Clenching your abdomen...you feel that tickle...the beginning of...

Crosshair stops and pulls his hand away. You grab his arm devastated, angry even to be thwarted from your orgasm.

Breathlessly “I want to FEEL you...from the INSIDE.” It’s not presented as a question. But he’s waiting for your consent.

You reach down, stroke his sopping wet member. He moans and shudders. Then brush a ghost of a kiss across Crosshair’s forehead as you scoot fully onto the bunk and open yourself up to him. Your seductive gaze is inviting.

Up off his knees, he slinks over you on the bunk. Staring like a hungry animal.

For a fleeting moment, you don’t see Crosshair there...just Hunter. Your desire threatens to topple over into grief...all these emotions bubbling up from the surface. That scar will NEVER be totally healed. The sadness that will NEVER totally leave.

Crosshair watches the subtle changes of your expression and senses this. He understands. While there are differences, it’s his loss too.

He covers his body with yours, basking in the warmth skin to skin. Then takes your face in his hands. Touching foreheads, he whispers promises for you both in the future. All the things you will do together and the burdens you will both share and support each other through. Every one of them ends with a kiss as a promise.

“I’m not Hunter...but...I’ll work on being a better man than I was in my past.”

“I don’t want you to live in Hunter’s shadow. You’re different. Our relationship will be different.”

Silence.

“I’m SO SORRY you lost your brother.”

Crosshair covers his face with his hand. Silent tears spill out between his fingers.

You say no more and hold him tightly. Knowing it was A LOT for him to even let go like this. Knowing the relationship, he had with especially Hunter was fraught with so much emotional angst. And the heavy burden Crosshair holds about the horrible things he did at the end.

You both lay there for some time wrapped up together in each other's arms...just being. Crosshair’s head resting on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. You rubbing gentle circles though his hair.

Finally, he speaks, “Would you like me to finish?” Looking up at you seriously with those intense dark eyes.

You read him like a book. He knows you too well now. There’s a deep care for one another. But you both know the sex tonight will be for dealing with the grief. That's ok though. It’s an unspoken agreement of how this will help the two of you bond and heal.

You’ll both drink, fight, fuck, laugh, and all manner of things together while dealing with this shared grief. Whatever gets you by. It’ll bind you both thick as thieves.

“Yes.”

He kisses down your body to your sex. Licking, sucking, lavishing you with an intensity that prevents you from lying still. All the while grinding his returned erection into the sheets, soaking them.

You both begin to get vocal. He adds more stimulation with his fingers, driving you wild. Grasping the bedding, you arch your back again. With the pressure in your core, his tongue wetly sliding over your sex...your breathing reaches a fever pitch...the tingling returns...

“Crosshair...”

He stops, sits up, gently pulls your hips to position, and slides his length into you.

“Fuuuck...” he groans loudly, slowly pulling out, then slowly sliding in...he wants to feel it ALL. No rush. Just the amazing sensation...every inch...of him...against you...

...sliding out...

...sliding in...

His legs are shaking.

Your breath not just respirations but moans to the timing of his thrusts.

...sliding out...

...sliding in...

Crosshair’s eyes are hooded in desire. He can see you’re about to cum. A crooked, horny smile crosses his face.

The tingle becomes a wave...

IT RUSHES THROUGH YOU like beautiful warm surf racing towards your sex...

...and reaches its destination...

You arch your back deeper...He’s watching you at the apex of your orgasm. Time seems to slow down for a few seconds. Eyes open with no angst, anger, judgement, spite, sass...his eyes...the window to a man WIDE OPEN at this moment in time. He’s telling you with his eyes what his voice could not.

You’re staring above right into those eyes as your head presses just a centimeter deeper into the bedding...you inhale DEEPLY as those warm tendrils explode deep at the base of your core.

Orgiastic moan-scream comes from your mouth so intensely you feel it in the roof of your mouth. Vision fuzzing out slightly. Tiny warm explosions of nerves firing everywhere in your body.

Crosshair squeezes you tightly, screaming gutturally, eyes shut tight, and shuddering inside you with his own climax. Both of your sensory stimuli shut out to the outside world: Only aware of you both connected at the junction of your bodies.

And then the orgasm dissipates like a wave being pulled back out to sea. Seafoam settling in and tickling the shoals of your sex.

You feel warm and tingly...the rush of all those endorphins. He collapses gently on top of you. Gathering each other up in embrace.

laying in each other’s arms realizing the future is wide open. It's a bit daunting...scary even. But you have each other. And, for now, that will do.

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

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darkdevasofdestruction · 1 year

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When the Wild Wind Blows ~ Negan Smith x Reader

Summary: A little after Lucille’s death, Negan finds a lone woman who asks to become his companion for the sake of survival the newly-arrived apocalypse. Together, they brave many challenges and their bond tightens, until a hoard separates them for an indefinite amount of time. With both thinking the other dead, they find new groups... Until they find each other once again, in the the midst of war.

They were supposed to go on for the rest of their lives. Isn’t that what they vowed to each other when they got married? That they will be forever together, until death do ‘em part? They should have changed that stupid vow. Something like - Even after death takes ‘em, or something. Anything! Anything that will ensure Lucille doesn’t leave him. He was so angry that she left him like that.

Negan sigh, stroking his bat as he looked into the small fire with dead eyes. He never imagined his life would end up like this. He never imagined his wife, his Lucille, the love of his life... Would die.

He was a prick. A shit head. He cheated on her multiple times, with her best friend no less. He deserved all the worst thing to happen to him - Divine punishment? By fire be purged... Was that how it went? Maybe. He deserved all that.

But Lucille didn’t deserve all the pain she went through.

She didn’t deserve all the agony HE put her through... The supposed loyal, loving husband... Who was nothing more than an irresponsible piece of shit deadbeat husband who wasted his life away cheating and playing video games. He was the biggest failure in this world, and yet, despite everything, Lucille still stuck by his side, as if he was the one hurt, not her.

He didn’t deserve an angel like her, and he’ll never meet anyone like her ever again.

The news of her terminal diagnostic killed him much before this walker Apocalypse even started... But if these dead fuckers would have just stayed in their graves, his Lucille would have had a chance of survival. Go do her chemo and radiotherapy at the hospital, maybe do the surgery... Everything that needed to be done. And he would be there with her through it all. He knew the nasty side effects of the therapy - He wasn’t going to abandon her again. He mistreated her once - Greatest mistake of his life - But being met with the fatality of the situation, he couldn’t imagine his life going on without her.

There was no life without Lucille.

‘Please don’t leave me like this ♡‘ she wrote multiple times on the walls, before killing herself in bed, not before forgetting to keep herself bound and head covered, so she wouldn’t end up hurting him.

‘Please don’t leave me like this ♡‘ she wanted him to destroy her dead body, to make sure she doesn’t end up as some disfigured dead shell of her former self, going around and killing people who have every chance of living.

‘Please don’t leave me like this ♡‘ even in death, she wanted him to live... Even without her... Live for her as well.

‘Please don’t leave me like this ♡‘ even watching him from Heaven, Lucille was cursing him to a life without her body in his arms, without her sweet voice calling out his name, and her hands roaming through his hair... Her honey laugh whenever he’d crack some of his stupid jokes...

‘Please don’t leave me like this ♡‘ ... I would never leave you... But Lucille... What about me...? Now it is me, who is all alone, in this vast world... What reason is there to live anymore? There is no life without you... Lucille... Come back to me, please... I miss you so much... I love you so much...

Lucille...

Please don’t leave me like this.

It was always the Sun setting, and the Moon rising up on the sky and the Stars twinkling brightly that it reminded him of all the woes that his shattered heart was feeling. He was so absorbed in his own wallowing and sorrows... It was already a whole month passing, yet the pain didn’t diminish in the slightest. He was so preoccupied with his self-pitying, that he didn’t hear the soft rustle of the bushes, nor the light steps made onto the small twigs and the dead, crunching leaves.

It took a few approaching noises to make him finally snap his lethargic gaze up from the crackling of the burning wood, only to hear the faintest gasp. The was a figure there, hiding behind a tree - How silly. Negan narrowed his eyes to get a better look at the silhouette failing to pathetically to hide behind a tree far slimmer than her own body... But by the way the woman was peeking like a child, and the way her very long hair was swaying with the breeze out of the hiding spot... She must have been very aware of her position.

“Come out. I can see you.” he called out to her, but she merely leaned more to the side. “I know.” her voice sounded timid, yet somehow, it held some kind of... What was it... Defiance? No - He was a teacher, he knew what defiance meant when kids got bratty. It was a sort of confidence that she held, despite her fear of approaching him, almost like a wild animal, starving and seeing food for the first time. “If you know, why are you still hiding?” he asked, propping his bat to the ground and leaning his jaw on the handle. “I’m watching you.” she explained, not budging. “Watching me?” Negan asked, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “What for? Are you some Myers-level stalker? I’m no babysitter, I assure you... But I did teach kids before. Does that count?” he barked a laugh. “I don’t have a knife. Or a mask. Sorry to ruin your fantasy.” she huffed. “I’m trying to assess whether or not I should approach you.” “And what has your... Assessing concluded?” the corner of his mouth twitched upwards - For once, his mind was being distracted with something other than despair and misery. “... Inconclusive.” she muttered. “I could be dangerous, y’know? I have a bat - And it has barbed wire wrapped around it. One single hit, and you’d be dead. Care to re-assess?” he chuckled, almost villainously. “You have a weapon to defend yourself against walkers and other human enemies alike. Others have machetes. Some have guns... Machine guns... Rifles. Everyone has a weapon. You’re not special.” though her words sounded snarky and insulting, her tone was calm and sincere - She was just awfully blunt, despite how much she looked like a scared little baby fawn. Hilarious. “Do you?” the man was met with silence. “I guess not.” “Whether I tell you or not, I’d still be putting myself to a disadvantage by confirming information about myself. I don’t want to compromise my position.” she explained strategically. “You’re already at a disadvantage. I could both outrun and overpower you. There’s little a weapon would do to aid you.” the girl remained quiet a bit more. “Why did you approach me?” “I...” there goes that previously shy demeanour. “I want to join your group.” “There’s no group to join, darling, sorry to disappoint. Just lil’ ol’ me.” she still nodded. “That’s fine too. Anything is better than being alone.” her declaration stung Negan’s heart bitterly. “Ain’t wrong with that one.” he muttered, more to himself than to her. “Aren’t you afraid I’d kill you?” she hung her head. “Come closer, let me have a better look at you.” it only made her hide back behind the tree completely. “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you away like that.” she still didn’t budge. “I won’t hurt you.” “Will you let me join you?” she asked again, still not unveiling herself properly. “Fine, yeah, sure. Like you said - Ain’t so great being alone. Trust me, I’d know.” “Promise.” she sounded demanding, almost harsh even. “Promise? Ha! How childish of you!” he laughed once again, but he noticed the girl didn’t move at all. “What, you really want me to promise? That’s silly. I could easily break the promise anyway, nothing is keeping me from doing that.” still no move. “Why do you want me to promise so badly anyway?” “Because if you promise, then I have a reason to trust you - Then, if you betray me, it means that you broke your promise - Thus, it isn’t my fault that I trusted you, but your fault for being a jerk and breaking your promise to me.” Negan remained quiet for a few seconds, even unable to blink. Though he found some reason behind her words, they sounded like something the little girls he used to teach would say. It seemed to Negan that, with no means of defending herself, and finding him somewhat reasonable, this was her only means of surviving. How adorable. “You’re not really all that smart, are you?” he found himself asking, though without much thinking. “No - In fact, I am smart. I used to be a doctor, I worked hard, studied a lot. I was actually pretty good. Graduated among the top 50 or something. From an academic point of view, I am smart, and I know that. From a wisdom side, I, also, consider myself pretty smart, based on how everyone would come to me for advice.” Negan never expected such a calculated refuting. “But this isn’t the world we were brought up in. No amount of strategy games, apocalypse movies or rational, logical ideas can really guarantee you 100% survival chances.” she voice lowered. “I’m a frail, lone woman, also weaponless and with awful orientation skills. What chances do you think I have to live, even if I make all the stereotypically smart choices? There’s only so much I can run, hide, and live on air alone. The only smart choice I have left is to find someone who still has his humanity intact, at least to some degree, and find a way to stick by their side.” Negan sighed and nodded his head before he waved his hand at her to come over. “Fine, I promise I won’t hurt you. You can join me, do what you want.” how could he doom a young woman to her death by doing something as cruel as rejecting to protect her? He already let the most important person in his life down... Was this his chance to redemption? Was this a sign from Lucille, to keep on going?

Slowly, the young woman snapped her head left and right cautiously, before carefully stepping towards the man - Still weary at first, but she ended up towering over the fire awkwardly. Did she... Did she need some kind of invitation to sit down? No, wait - From the way her eyes were flickering on high alert to each and every inch of his little camp, she was scanning every little thing - That, and she genuinely seemed socially awkward.

“Thanks.” she muttered. Quickly, Negan extended his hand, showing a seat for her to take, on the stump opposite of his log. She sat down, huddling by the fire. Now, Negan could get a better look at her. Her beautiful, long hair was a mess, but somehow, it worked, giving her a wild beauty look. She had no make up, save for the dirt and sweat caked on her skin and clothes for being away from home for so long. Her clothes were comfortable, but somewhat chic - A pair of jeans, nice on the leg, but not skinny - And she had some kind of charm, hanging from the loops on the waist. She had a simple black shirt and a cardigan over it - It was pretty long, and she used the sleeves to cover her hands entirely. But despite the casual yet still pretty elegant outfit, Negan spotted golden jewellery gracing her neck, fingers and wrists. Golden, with black gems. Did she use to be rich? Or did she just like dolling herself up? Was she on a date when all hell broke loose?

There was a long silence, with Negan staring uncomfortably long at the girl, and her staring back, a sour look on her face. “I don’t appreciate being stared at. Please stop.” Negan smirked at her. “Can’t blame a man for looking at a pretty woman, can you?” “Yes, I can, and I will. You’re being creepy.” she deadpanned, making the man laugh more. “You’re a real piece of work, aren’t you, doll?” he found himself leaning forward, towards the fire. “Y/N.” she said. “My name is Y/N. Call me that.” though she wasn’t using a demanding, ordering tone, he still felt somehow inclined to do as she said. “Y/N. What a pretty name for a pretty girl.” Negan watched with amusement as she sighed in exasperation. “I haven’t taken a bath in over a month. I’m filthy, and I’m pretty sure that, if walkers could smell, they would all hoard over to tear me apart. No need to continue this whole gimmick of yours, it’s ridiculous and you’re making me uncomfortable.” she ran a hand through her hair, cringing a bit through the tangles. “Have you always been such a joyful presence in your group of friends?” he snarked her, though light hearted. Y/N looked down at the fire, silent. She attempted to open her mouth to speak a few times, before stopping herself. “You never told me your name.” she evaded that question - Did she feel attacked? Or did he hit a sensitive note with that question? “Negan. Name’s Negan.” she nodded at him. He realised that she would often take a few seconds to come up with her answers. Was she always so deeply calculated and serious? She needed to lighten up a bit.

Or maybe this strictly rational and straight woman got send by Lucille, to combat his overly leisure self? Was this a lesson that he had to learn from? “I wasn’t a party person. I’m not the kind to let loose and act like a fool. I know how to have fun - My kind of fun - But I know my limits and where I draw the line.” she shrugged simply. “I get it. I get it, don’t worry. I won’t do that, so you can... Take a step back and chill out a bit. I’ve got this beautiful babe here with me - As dangerous as she’s beautiful, ain’t she? - And she’s gonna keep us both safe. Don’t worry about a thing~!” he raised his bat and patted it on his palm - For a split second, he could see her body tense as she gulped, straightening her back, trying to mask her fear. “That’s... Good. But we’ll need to find some more weapons pretty soon. And other supplies.” as if on cue, her stomach rumbled. Y/N’s eyes widened, before hugging herself and hanging her head down, no doubt blushing in embarrassment. For such a strict and unbending woman, she was easy to embarrass. How cute. Negan grinned at her, before taking some food and throwing it at her. “Must’ve been a while since you last ate, huh?” her hands were trembling softly, holding the food. “Go ahead. I’m giving it to you. Eat. You need to help me scavenge for supplies tomorrow, right?” “Th-Thanks...” she muttered. “Three days.” she said, slowly digging into the food - Small bites, to trick her brain into thinking her stomach is full. “It’s not that long... Sorry for that.” “Don’t apologise, chill a bit.” her hair was getting in the way, and no matter what she did, it would keep draping over her hair like a curtain. It was hilarious, but it was clearly uncomfortable. Negan wanted to laugh at her misfortune - But then, he remembered the little thing that he still had in his pocket. Long before Lucille found out about her cancer, she had the most beautiful, long, blonde hair, and whenever she’d be at home, she’d tie it up. Negan reached into his pants’ pocket and retrieved a black hair tie. It was really, the only thing he had left from Lucille.

‘Please don’t leave me like this ♡‘ don’t worry Lucille. Even if your body isn’t here anymore, you’re still the same kind, helpful soul that you’ve always been. “Here.” stealing a kiss to the hair tie as soon as the woman before him wasn’t looking, he handed the tie for her to take. She looked in awe at him and his kindness, no doubt. “Can’t be fun, eating more dirty hair than food. You’ll end up spitting fur balls like a cat.” “...Thanks...” she muttered, bashfully taking the tie and tying back her hair, revealing her beautiful, yet incredibly exhausted looking visage. She must be dying for a good sleep. What has she gone through, he wondered. “You really don’t need to do me so much good. I have nothing to give you back.” “I’m not asking for anything in return.” he reassured her in a calmer voice. “You must be tired. Go sleep. I’ll keep watch.” Y/N looked at him with a skeptical look. “What, you think I’m going to bash your skull in while you’re sleeping? At least it won’t hurt. Quick death. Better me than those fucks, right?” “No... It’s not that. It’s just... You’ve already been kind enough to me. I should stay watch.” Negan looked her in the eyes for a brief moment - Despite how exhausted she looked and how dirty her face was, her eyes still had a spark of life, and a very beautiful shade. “Don’t fret so much.” he muttered under his breath.

Y/N looked down and gulped the bit of bread and returned the remaining food to its rightful owner. She looked so awkward, Negan almost felt compelled to laugh at her, but he restrained himself. Instead, he patted her shoulder, urging her to come over and sit on the log, rest her head on his arm and sleep.

It felt uncomfortable for her, truly, but it was far better than laying on the dirty, cold, hard ground to sleep, or tying herself up on a branch and hoping she won’t fall off and end up walker food... Or a pinata. Albeit with a lethargic pace, Y/N ended up complying without another word, and unsurprisingly, as soon as she placed her head on his shoulder, Y/N fell asleep. Poor girl, Negan thought, watching her reach out her hands and gripping his arm, almost as if afraid he’d run away and abandon her, break his promise to her. She looked so vulnerable and afraid, now more than when she was awake. Judging from the way her chest was heaving up and down with ample, rapid motions, and how her fingers and arm joints would occasionally twitch, it was evident she was still very much alert.

Don’t worry, Y/N. I already abandoned someone like you before. I won’t do that again.

Without realising, Negan’s hand found itself caressing her hair slowly, but in a way, he almost felt as though he was trying to calm and sooth himelf, not her. He missed the feeling of touching Lucille’s hair, whenever she’d want to indulge herself, and she nuzzled herself to his side, expecting some pampering. If only things didn’t go to shit so quickly...

Lost in thoughts, the man didn’t hear the sound of twigs breaking - It was a mistake that he had already done once, and though it ended with an inoffensive party member, this time, he will learn that the biggest monsters aren’t the walkers, but the humans themselves.

Y/N jolted up as if electrocuted, and shuffled her feet away from Negan, looking around with wide, alert eyes, to spot the danger incoming. When he tried to speak, she immediately shushed him down. That’s when she saw a woman, afraid, running from the thicket, towards them. She was screaming for help, saying that there were two men trying to assault her or something. Negan was going to tell her to come over, to be protected - Surely, with Lucille in his hands, he could take down two stupid punks, right? Oh, how he hated stupid fuckers like those guys, thinking they could do whatever they want, especially now, in a lawless world.

To his surprise, however, Y/N, who was in a similar situation not long before, stopped the woman from approaching, and even threatened her. Her voice was harsh and awful, it shocked Negan. He was sure she would want to protect someone vulnerable and innocent, just like her.

From the deeper forest, two men, one with a knife, the other, a machete, came down like the huns, ready to chop them down into pieces and eat them for lunch. With great fear on her face, the victim ran towards them - But Y/N immediately threw a well-aimed jab at her face, making her fall down to the ground. “Y/N, what are you doing, she’s the victim!” he asked, looking with concern at her. “She’s as much of a fairy as those guys are. Get your weapon ready, they’re coming.” Y/N warned him - But he was stunned. How could a woman running away from those brutes be evil? The guy with the machete ran towards Y/N. “Well, well, lookie here~ Not only one, but TWO pretty girls to claim tonight~! What a great bounty, ‘aight, bro?” the two had ugly, crude laughs. With no warning, Negan watched in awe as Y/N chopped at his arm with her palm, before she threw a straight uppercut at his jaw, making him stumble backwards. Giving him no time to waste, she ducked down under his weapon arm and clung onto it, breaking the joint and stealing the weapon before decapitating the man. “WHAT THE FUCK?! J-JOHNNY?! Y-YOU FUCKING WHORE, YOU KILLED HIM! I’LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS!” like a blind bull, the other offender rushed towards Y/N, and as he tried to slice at her face, she threw herself to the ground, rolling to his feet to trip him - As he stumbled on his feet, and Y/N made him fall on his stomach - She threw herself down on his back and broke his neck, making him fall limp. “I’ll be damned.” Negan grumbled to himself, completely mesmerised by the way a small, frail woman such as Y/N could pull off such neat and accurate combat moves. But unfortunately for him, that was his downfall - Not even once did he expect the victim to actually be one of the culprits, as Y/N so rightfully deduced, and before he knew it, the blonde woman dared touch HIS Lucille, and hold her with shaky hands and threaten him. “DON’T COME ANY CLOSER! Y-YOU! YOU MONSTER! YOU KILLED THEM! YOU KILLED THEM BOTH - MY BROTHERS! YOU KILLED THEM!” her voice now sounded so revenge-driven and awful, only to shake like a leaf as soon as she noticed Y/N raise to her feet, covered in the blood of her victims, a knife in one hand, and a machete in the other. “You think someone like you can take that guy down? You can’t even hold the bat. You’re useless - Not only that, you’re useless AND evil. Playing the victim just to bait us... It’s been two months since the Apocalypse started. I’ve seen them all. You’re just a pathetic little girl, that’s what you are. You have made the wrong move. You’re going to die now.” Y/N approached the two with a menacingly slow pace. “Don’t worry, Negan. I’ll protect you.” “STAY BACK! I-I’LL KILL HIM! I SWEAR I WILL!” the blonde shrieked her lungs out, her grip on the bat tightening to the point her skin looked bleach white. “Nah, girl, I don’t think you will.” at once, the man got ahold of his darling weapon and easily wrestled it out of her grip. “You know what they say - Goodnight America.” with one swift move, Negan bashed her skull in, her brains and blood spraying all over the camp. Negan grinned victoriously, as Y/N only scoffed, letting the weapons fall to the ground, her body following soon after. “That was a fiiiine fight you had, doll.” Negan chuckled, kicking the dead woman’s body away. “Didn’t think you had it in ya.” “I... I learnt some MMA. Before all this happened. I, uh... I had to.” she said, trying to even out her breathing. “Had to? What in the world would prompt you to learn MMA, of all things?” he barked in shock and amusement. “...A situation quite like this.” his smile fell immediately. “I know more theory than actual techniques, really. But I practiced Aikido, Silat and Systema. Well... You can make the argument that Aikido and Systema are mostly the same, just that one is Japanese and the other is Russian. But they’re pretty good for my frame. I can at least defend myself, even against jerks with weapons.” though her legs were shaking like two flowers in the spring breeze, she managed to get up and make her way to the fire. “I guess... Even bad things can lead to good ones... If you can even call it that.” “Don’t worry, doll, I won’t make that mistake again.” Negan reassured her, reaching out his hand to wipe away the blood from her face. “How’d you know she was in on it?” “... I didn’t. I just don’t trust anyone.” she mumbled. “You trust me.” Negan refuted. “You promised.” she said solemnly. “Promises meant nothing before, and they mean even less now.” he argued, but she simply shrugged her shoulders. “Why do you trust me?” “Because you said so.” she said simply. “That’s not a reason.” Negan gave her a half-smile. “...I told you, didn’t I? I can’t be alone. I’ll die. You’re the only one I have left. Whether you kill me or not, it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.” she explained, albeit reticent. “So... It’s not survival you care about, but not being lonely, huh?” she nodded. “Ha. Silly girl.” he snorted, only to see the dead face she had on her face. She almost seemed about to cry. She was too close to her breaking point, he realised. “...You’re not alone anymore.”

With a sigh, Negan felt Lucille slip from his grasp, as his arms wrapped around her body, pulling her into a tight embrace. He could feel he trembling, and her breathing had gotten ragged and uneven. “Go ahead and cry. You must’ve been through a lot. Cry all you want - Get it out of your system. It’ll help you sleep tonight. And in the morning, we can go get supplies and what not.” he reassured her, and at once, she heard the faintest, broken sob, as she buried her head in his chest. Negan guided her back to the log so her weakened legs wouldn’t give out, and he patted her hair, his chin resting on top of her head. He looked down at Lucille - Was this the right thing to do? He wasn’t moving on from her... He still loved Lucille so much... So, so much... He didn’t want to make her jealous anymore... But he was just reassuring a scared, lonely woman, right? Nothing wrong in doing that, considering the terrifying situation they’re in. “I promise I won’t leave you alone, Y/N.”

Lucille... You will have to forgive me. I’m so lonely... I can’t function properly without you... But I’m so, so lonely without you... Did you send Y/N to keep me company? To right the wrongs I’ve done to you? Is this my redemption?

“You act all tough and strong, but you’re really just a little crybaby, Y/N.” Negan muttered in her hair. “But that’s fine. You’re a woman. It’s the man’s job to protect you against monsters of all kind.” what she was feeling, he couldn’t know, and probably never will. But it was fine. He failed his wife once, disregarding her feelings. He won’t make the same mistake again. He let a woman sully her hands, her soul, all to protect him. No more. He was going to be the deadbeat failure of a husband no more.

Negan is here.

As promised, he allowed her to sleep for as long as she needed, up to the point that she woke up naturally, and felt refreshed. Maybe, at least a little bit. He remembers those studies that claimed a lost night of sleep can be solved with a week of proper amount of sleep - But they couldn’t afford such luxury anymore. Together, they travelled aimlessly through the abandoned city, wondering at how quickly a place can turn so... Dilapidated, as if it hasn’t been inhabited in centuries.

Too many close calls, too many walkers, and far too many dangers. It was dangerous being just two people, but it would have been just as dangerous in a bigger group also. But it was fine - They could live on and thrive together pretty well. They were even able to eat once every two days, and drink good water.

Weeks passed by weirdly fast - Or at least, they thought those were weeks, not months, based on the amount of times they fell asleep, and remembered to count. Surely, they must have missed a few times, there was only so much they could do, and even the daily routine they tried so hard to cling onto, the last string of hope that kept them associated to humanity, to their old life - Even that was close to breaking.

But the more nights passed, the more conversations at the roasting fire they had. It was the time Negan loved the most, and really, just about the only thing that gave him any joy whatsoever anymore. Even the pain of being torn apart from the love of his life so violently seemed to ameliorate bit by bit, all thanks to the conversations he had with this woman. Somehow, he kept him grounded to real life, and had him going on without any thought of giving up.

Here and there, they talked about their lives before this all happened. Negan felt absolutely humiliated. Not only was he the biggest dead beat in the world, but hearing the woman speak of her hard work and all the sacrifices she’s made to get to the top and achieve the career of her dreams, it felt motivational, but also fatalistic and depressing. All her life, she’s done nothing but study and work, for that one day, when she finds a partner, they can travel the world together and live a beautiful, happy life.

It reminded him of himself with Lucille in a way. He should have worked hard and provided for her too. He should have made her life a beautiful dream, not a nightmare. Should have spoiled her with all the most luxurious gifts, and brought her to all the lush, exotic vacation trips. Alas... All he did was play video games all day. What a pitiful, useless excuse for a man he is.

No, he has to do better. Be better.

Still, no matter how much they talked about their lives, neither of them dared touch the topic of their private life. Family, partner... Nothing. It’s as if they both knew it was such a sensitive topic that they were afraid to touch upon it.

“Hey, Negan, come over. Let’s check this one out.” Y/N motioned for the man to come over as soon as she was able to find a way inside the abandoned house. It still looked decent and fairly well kept, even from the outside.

The two slowly crept inside - It was rather clean, save for some accumulated dust, and with a single walker inhabiting the home, they decided to make it their temporary residence, for as long as they could, at least. The small house even had running water - Was this a miracle?

Stashed away in the basement, they found a ton of canned food rations, and even water and alcohol of all kinds. They hit the jackpot. After eating some, Y/N went first to take a long and very welcomed bath while Negan stood watch, then they reversed the roles. Thankfully, they even had some nice clothes left behind by the old owners of the house. Fresh as a daisy.

After securing the perimeter, the two sat down in the living room, as per the ritual of having conversations by the fire, yet now, they chatted over a glass of wine and whiskey specifically. The quiet didn’t last long between the two, as Negan, as always, was the one to speak up first. “So, you’re not looking for anyone? No family, no friends - Nothing?” Y/N shook her head. “Come on, really? I don’t believe you.” “Believe what you want.” she shrugged. “I never really had friends. I mean... One of them was an online friend, across the ocean. We’ve never met. The other, well... She was too busy with her own family. We kinda lost touch after a while. It was all me.” he didn’t miss the bitter tone that rolled off her tongue. “Okay, fine, I get that. I didn’t have either. But what about your boyfriend?” she shook her head. “What, didn’t make it?” she shook her head. “I didn’t have any.” Negan was speechless. “I didn’t want to waste my time on good for nothing men.” that sentence alone seemed to shoot a poisoned arrow through his heart. “In the end... I was wrong in wanting someone good for myself. It’s pitiful.” she scoffed. “What’s the point in working so hard, if you end up miserable anyway?” was this how Lucille felt, having him as her husband? A good for nothing, worthless excuse of a man? She deserved better than this. “N’aww, don’t say that, doll. You’re a fine lady. Beautiful, smart, diligent. Incredibly bad at social interacting.” Y/N let out an amused scoff. “And what has that helped me with?” Negan remained quiet. “It was just me and my parents, and my dog... But thankfully, my dog died last year. Didn’t have to put the poor old lady through this mess. Mum died of cancer, dad followed soon after, from a broken heart. Left me all alone.” Y/N sighed. “It sucks, you know. You see how much your mum and dad loved each other, but you can’t find someone like that. It’s stupid.” she gulped down the whole wine glass in one go. Negan had his head down - This whole talk turned far more somber than expected. She’s lost as much as he did, and more. “Lucille was my wife.” he admitted. “She was... The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Smart, charming, charismatic, funny, kind, understanding. Everything anyone could ask for.” he stroked the bat lovingly, flashes of his wife’s smile flashing before his eyes. “She... Was diagnosed with cancer too, a little before the world went to shit. Used to go bring her chemo bags, and wigs in bright colours of all kinds. She was always so cheerful.” after a few seconds of silence, Negan gulped. “On the last run, I found her dead in her bed. She had killed herself. Didn’t want to be a liability to me, as she put it. Silly woman. She was too good for me. She deserved better.” “She loved you, Negan. It doesn’t matter whether she deserved better or not. If you felt she deserved better, you should have done better. But she stayed by your side. She loved you for who you are. You two were happy together. And it’s evident, how much you still love her, even now.” Negan couldn’t help but let out an amused breath - He didn’t have the heart to point out that he cheated on the love of his life and caused her immense misery, when she needed him the most. He couldn’t shatter her dreams of a love written in the stars... Nor did he want to be reminded of the shit mistakes he did. “Well, aren’t you the romantic one.” he tried to divert the conversation to her, rather than himself. “Whatever men you dated in the past, must have been really happy. Poor bastards, didn’t live up to the expectations. Pathetic.” “...I’d... Rather not... Talk about that.” the way her fingers clutched tightly the wine glass, and the grimace on her face, made Negan thing that she didn’t have pink experiences. Life ain’t always sunshine and daisies, even for the nicest of people. “I... Need another drink. Do you want some more whiskey too?” Y/N got up, picking the two glasses after his approval nod, and waltzed into the kitchen.

From back at the living room, the loud noise of glass breaking echoed. “Negan? You okay?” Y/N called out, pouring the booze and walking back towards the cozy room. There, instead of finding her companion sprawled over the couch, she instead found him kneeling on the ground, blood leaking down his forehead, and a man was holding a gun to his head. “...Oh.” Negan could see the terrified look in her eyes. She really was afraid of men, wasn’t she? Rightfully so. Men are monsters - He knew that best, after all. “Behind you!” he called out - but it was too late. The other culprit had been waiting just around the corner, and his arms wrapped tightly around her body, immobilizing her. The two glasses shattered to the ground as she struggled and clawed her way out, but it was to no avail. No amount of combat techniques could prepare her for getting clinched like that. “Hahaha, look what fine bounty! Who’d have thought!” the one holding her said, knife to her throat, so deep into her skin that droplets of red inked her down to her shirt, staining everything in its path. “Kill that fucker, and when you’re done, come join the fun.” “NO!” Y/N shouted desperately. “Don’t kill him! P-Please, don’t kill him!” she heaved, careful not to get her neck sliced even more. “I-I’ll do whatever you want! I’ll even show you all our ration, a-and tell you supply centers around the place that haven’t been raided! Just please, don’t kill him!” Both men laughed, ugly, nasty grins on their faces. “Aww, how cute! Lil’ bitch thinks she can order us around~! Ain’t that adorable?” one of them said. “He yo’ husband or what?” neither of the victims said anything. “Haaa, he sure is her lil’ fucktoy! Well! If you love him so much... Might as well give him a little present. We give you a lil’ bastard child, and he gets to hear your sweet little cries. Oh, he’s gonna LOVE it!” “You speak too much, man. I’ll keep watch. Just go get it over with. Send the bitch over when you’re done. I want her little lover boy to watch as I fuck his pretty, little girl, over and over again.” that one continued with the nasty speech for so long that Negan was sure he could see Y/N fainting, just a little.

Y/N’s struggling came to an end, after the one holding her punched her face hard enough to tame her down, and with one hand buried deep in her hair, he threw her out of the room, and onto the ground, then straddled her waist, bringing her wrists together and binding them with a burning rope, in front of her body. With his knife, he split her shirt in two, followed by the last piece of fabric covering her chest. “I always had a thing for blood, y’know. Red suits you well, pretty bird. Now sing for me a sweet thrill, loud enough for that guy to hear you.”

In his attempt to remove her pants, clumsy as he was, he had to put down the knife and use both hands - It was the perfect opportunity for her to throw her arms around his neck, and using the legs around his waist to shift positions, enough to use the rope and hands to strangle him to death. As he was struggling to breath, Y/N started screaming and pretending to sob - It was the perfect cover, as her breathing was heavy, and her voice broken anyway. When finally, the assailant was unconscious, Y/N quickly took the knife and shoved it in his skull. She then looked down at herself, and though embarrassment was too light a word for the way she was presenting herself, she took off her jeans and hid the knife in the sleeve of her long cardigan, keeping her hands tied.

Meekly, she tripped over her feet, stumbling pitifully, painfully, all an act. Tears were running continuously down her face, and her expression was outright horrified and hopeless. “Awww, look at you! This look suits you better, y’know. C’mon now, get on your knees. Show me what you do to this man to keep him staying with you.” the nasty words the fucker was saying almost went unheard by Negan - All he could focus on was the broken state of the woman he swore to protect, yet failed once again. Once again, he lets down the only person that matters in his life anymore. Lucille was gone... And now... Y/N... He thought they would be safe here, in this house. He let his guard down. He was caught off guard. He couldn’t win with his bat against a gun.

There was nothing that Negan hated more than men taking advantage of women - He wanted to strangle the life out of this fucker. No, even better. Beat him to death. Bash his skull in. Make him suffer. Rip his dick off and shove his balls down his throat. Anything, for revenge. Anything, to save Y/N from this suffering.

He watched her slowly approaching, her head lowering before the man holding him hostage. Her whole body was trembling violently, but she didn’t go down. She just stood there, so very close to him. “Come on, bitch, get down.” the fucker quickly undid the button of his jeans and zipped them down, then put his hand on her head, gripping a tight fistful of her messy hair, no doubt trying to push her down - But she lunged forward. With a hidden weapon, she stabbed her assailant in the stomach, wide enough to spill his guts out, as if it was a dishonored samurai committing seppuku, only to have his head stabbed also.

“They’re... Really... Not that smart...” Y/N scoffed, stumbling backward and awkwardly cutting the rope holding her wrists together. “Damn, it left burns.” she muttered, staring down at her red, pained skin. As if remembering about his existence, Y/N shifted her gleaming eyes at Negan. “Are you hurt?” she asked, noticing the bound hands, and crouching to liberate him also. “Sorry it took so long. That guy took longer to suffocate than I imagined.” she muttered, turning around, knife slipping from her grasp. “Don’t ask ME if I’m hurt -- Y/N, what the hell, I --” Negan got up to his feet, and looked down at the broken woman standing in front of him. “I’m fine.” she cut him off. “It’s... Not the first time... I’ve dealt with this.” she shrugged, though she tried to appear unbothered, it didn’t work much. “Only this time, I was able to retaliate before anything could happen.” the implication made his head swim, but he had to keep himself grounded and act accordingly. It wasn’t he who needed comfort and help, but her. Though he protected her against hoards of walkers on end... It was still the humans that he couldn’t get a handle on.

Things really had to change, and fast, before another incident such as this happens again. “Come ‘ere, doll. Ain’t no way I’m letting a pretty princess like yourself walk around this dirty house like that.” Negan spoke light-hearted, as he picked her up bridal style... Just like he did to Lucille when he carried her home after their wedding... And he brought her to her room, carefully placing her on the bed. He couldn’t help but steal a glance at her eyes - Wide, surprised, and wet from the tears she spilled. If only he could make any reason that could make her cry disappear. He hated seeing her upset. He wanted to see her smile only. She had a beautiful smile.

Negan opened the wardrobe wide and threw some clothes at her, before going to the bathroom to take the medical kit and wet some towels to take care of her wounds. “It’s... Not that big of a deal, really. You... You don’t... Need to.” she bashfully looked away - She looked so adorable, with those large clothes swallowing her whole. “Stop worrying so much over silly things, doll.” he flashed her one of those charming, dazzling smiles of his. “It’s the least I can do after you’ve saved me. Again.” he said. “I’m pretty shit at keeping you safe, huh. You’d do much better without me.” “Shut up.” she gritted her teeth. “Don’t say that.” she warned. “I don’t...” she hesitated for a little. “I don’t want to go out there, alone. Not again.” “Oh, I’m not complaining about that, doll. In fact, it works well for me, I’d say. Great company is always welcomed.” he didn’t dare try to joke about how pretty she was anymore - Not after the course of filth those two spewed her way. She must have cringed into eternity. Even now, it was obvious how uncomfortable his touch felt. She was going to awkward-herself into an early grave. Still, he couldn’t quite understand why she wouldn’t loosen up around him. Maybe that’s just how she was. Always stern and strict, always cold and guarded, and bound by some impossibly strict personal rules. But it was fine. He liked her just the way she was. “Uh... Thanks.” she nodded. “I... Also... Like your companionship.” Negan couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re really shit at chatting, y’know that, right?” Y/N nodded pitifully. “But that’s fine. Nothing wrong with that. I’m sociable enough for the both of us. Keep being yourself, and I’ll deal with everything else around, a’ight?” Y/N gave him a small smile, cringing a bit at the stinging sensation of the antiseptic touching her neck wound. “Alright, Negan. I trust your word.” she spoke in a whispery tone. “...Hey, Negan?” she timidly called out his name, as he watched him put the med kit away. “Yeah, doll?” “Uhm... D-Do you, uhm...” Y/N gulped, her gaze down on the ground. “Do you think that I could... That I could... W-Well...” “Don’t be so afraid of asking me for something, Y/N. I’m not the big bad wolf. I won’t bite you.” he urged her to speak. “Can I sleep with you tonight?” she finally blurted out, surprising the man with her uncharacteristic request. “I... I can’t sleep at night. At all. I keep waking up as soon as I’ve fallen asleep. I have nightmares and panic attacks and... I just... I’m afraid to stay by myself.” so honest, Negan was speechless. The lack of response made Y/N clear her throat. “Sorry, forget I asked, that was childish. You can go sleep now. Goodnight, Negan.” Y/N wanted to claw her face from embarrassment, but finally the man saved her from doing just that. “No, no - Doll, it’s not childish. We’re in hell. Everyone is afraid. I get ya. I’m afraid too, you know? But it’s fine. We’ve got each other, right?” he extended his hand for her to take. With great reticence, Y/N gingerly placed her hand over his, and was guided to his room. After the proper invitation, Y/N went to settle on the large bed, glued to the corner of the room, and huddled against the wall. “Most people fight over the edge-half of the bed.” “I never liked that half. I never felt safe. I could never sleep properly.” she admitted. “Took a while to get used to a bed in the middle of the room, with no protective wall next to it. It was awful.” “So this is a thing from before Hell, huh?” Y/N nodded in shame. “S’okay, don’t be so ashamed of that. Nobody likes being alone, after all. Besides, there’s many fears that lone women have to live with. Can’t blame ya, especially after what just happened.” Negan discarded his jacket on the chair and sat on the edge of the bed. “But you don’t have to fear anymore. For better or for worse, Negan’s here, and I won’t let anyone hurt you again, okay, Y/N?” “...Yeah. That’s right.” she smiled gratefully at him, watching him lay down in bed, before extending his arm towards her, and he looked at her somewhat expectingly, but she had no idea why. “Come over. I’ll play with your hair. I know you like it.” he urged her. “I’ll even throw a lil’ song for you. Or a story. How’s that sound?” “Skip the story, it will keep me awake. But remember it tomorrow, for coffee.” she dragged herself over, trying not to let her tachycardia known. “Wouldn’t mind the song though.” she said, already feeling her lashes fall onto each other from drowsiness, as his hand worked magic caressing her hair. “Now that’s more like it.” his low chuckle vibrating in his chest sent rumbles to her senses. It was such a soothing resonance, his voice was addicting and so calming. She felt so safe, listening to him, that she had no idea when the song ended, or when it even started, for she fell into a deep, restful sleep. And Negan couldn’t help but watch, her face nuzzled into the crook of his neck, her smaller hand still clutching onto his shirt for reassurance that he wouldn’t just disappear.

Would Lucille be disappointed in him, for moving on so quickly? He’ll still love her - To the end of his existence, and back, so she needn’t be jealous. He’d never cheat again. But... She wasn’t there with him anymore. Y/N was. And Y/N was a good woman. Surely, Lucille would be happy that he was able to find someone that could mend together with perfect sutures his broken heart. Someone that is as broken as he is, just, in different ways. Lucille wouldn’t hate him, would she? Not for this. He deserves all her wrath for all the wrongs he’s done to her - But not for this. He needed this, as much as a man lost in the desert needed a drop of water. It wasn’t easy, attempting to make a move on Y/N without scaring her away. She was like a limping dear, or a starving fox - Wanting to approach, but too afraid to, though she masked it well enough with that proper etiquette facade of hers.

Whether she wanted him as a lover or not, her mere presence was enough, at least. He felt content, even like this. It was fine. It was perfect, just like this. During the day, they’d scavenge around for supplies, and at night, they’d chat until they felt sleepy - And then, they’d go sleep - Together also, now.

But Y/N seemed to have quite the agitated sleep - Was she having a nightmare, Negan wondered. His arms tightened around her body, hoping that, whatever scary thing she was dreaming of, will just disappear, or that at least he will appear there, her knight in shining armor, to rescue her. Instead of calming down, however, small, soft sobs could be heard for just a brief time, before Y/N jolted up with a cry of anguish. Though the room was dark, her trembling outline was shined on by the moonlight. She looked so fragile, so small... So hopeless.

And then, with desperation, she jumped off and lunged for the bathroom door. Negan could hear the frantic sound of vomiting. Whatever it was she had dreamt of must have caused her great distress. “Doll? May I come in?” he knocked on the half-opened door, but instead of words, he heard a thump, as if she fell to the ground, and more sobs. Though uninvited, Negan opened the door properly, and slowly knelt by her side. “Oh, doll, what the hell did you dream of to make you this afraid?” his voice was uncharacteristically soft and soothing, in a low undertone, to attempt and calm her down. “Talk to me, Y/N.” with careful moves, Negan gathered the woman into his arms and cradled her to his chest, holding her tightly and kissing her hair. “Talk to me.” “I-I... I... I dreamt that y-you... That you left. S-Said that you hate me. C-Can’t... Can’t stand me... Anymore. I-I don’t w-want you to hate me. Or leave me. Please don’t leave me... Not like this... Please don’t leave me like this, Negan.” at once, his body stiffened, and flashes of the painted walls of his house went before his very eyes. Though the connotation was entirely different from what his Lucille meant when she wrote that, those words pained him no less. “I would never leave the person I love so much, Y/N.” he said that to Lucille once, and now, he said it to Y/N. Though the timing couldn’t be any worse, there was no other way he knew how to reassure her - And frankly, he did want to voice his feelings, once and for all, whatever may happen. After all, it wasn’t a lie, he did grow to love Y/N. Though she would never replace Lucille - She didn’t have to. Lucille had her own special spot in his heart, and Y/N has her own. She’s not a replacement, she’s a woman that Negan grew so very fond of. He’s made enough mistakes throughout his life, and he took his wife for granted for far too long a time. He would not make that mistake again. “Do you hear me, Y/N? I won’t leave you. I promise. And even if something happens and we’re separated - Just call out my name, okay? Call out my name, and I’ll be there for you, and I’ll say - Negan’s here! And you’ll flash me that pretty smile of yours, and will run to give me a hug, and say how much you missed me. How’s that sound?” he could feel her sniffling soften out, unlike her fingers, which clutched down even harder on the thin material of his pyjama shirt. “Y-You... You really love... Someone like me? But I’m pathetic.” her voice was barely above a whisper, yet just enough to convey the brokenness of her heart. “Now, missy, I’ll have you know, I don’t really appreciate people speaking ill of the people I love.” he warned her. The soft sound of an amused exhale made Negan’s heart make a leap. “You really mean it? You promise you do?” “Trust my words, doll. I never lied to you, and I don’t intend to start now.” carefully laxing his grip on her body, his hands found themselves cupping her face, and wiping away the streaming tears. “I’m not going to leave you alone. I love you, doll.” he leaned down, capturing her lips with his own, in a gentle, loving kiss. Somehow, it felt that, this kiss, the feelings behind it, they all made the dystopian world outside disappear altogether, and normality was back in place. Nothing bad could happen to them - They were protected by a divine aura - or something. “I love you so much, Negan.” she pulled him back into an embrace, and though she didn’t speak loud and clear, as his own declaration, her whispering the confession so dearly into his ear, somehow made it even more intimate.

If only things could remain as innocent and beautiful - It wasn’t possible though. Nobody was safe from the Apocalypse, from the misery and suffering of the world. Less than a month they spent in that house, before a hoard of walkers overrun the area, and Y/N and Negan had to run away, in split directions. They had set a meeting point, back at their spot. Barely a day after being away from each other, Negan returned to the small camp close to the street, and he waited for a whole night also, only to curse loudly and destroy an already broken car with his bat - He had just remembered her shit orientation in space. She could be 10 meters away from this place, and she’d end up going in the opposite direction. Silly girl, how will she survive all by herself out there?! She didn’t even have her cardigan with her, due to the speed with which they had to leave. It was going to get cold soon, and she’ll freeze the night away. How will she survive all alone out there? People and walkers alone were a huge threat, and she behaved like a wounded wild animal. She can’t stay alone. Not her. Not his Y/N. Not his doll. “Y/N!!! DOLL, IT’S NEGAN! COME HERE! NEGAN’S HERE, BABE!!” but no matter how much he tried to call out for her, she just didn’t appear.

Three days passed, and there was no trace of Y/N. Negan was becoming desperate. Y/N must have died by now... Still, if she somehow finds this place, he will leave the zipper hoodie he was wearing underneath his leather jacket. Hopefully, it will be her who finds it, not some other fucker... Or worse, a walker.

He had to get back out there and live. He promised Lucille, and he promised Y/N too, that no matter what, he will live and carry on, no matter how much it hurt, leaving behind not one, but two women that he grew to love so much. His heart was mended once, only to become ripped and mauled into microscopic pieces once again. Damn it, he shouldn’t have allowed himself to fall in love so easily. Just three months together, and he falls so hard for her... Damn it, doll. Please don’t be dead.

Almost three years passed, and the old Negan was nowhere to be seen - Instead, the boy that was once a highschool bully had returned, and Negan was now the leader of the Saviours, six hundred people, scattered around several outposts. He had lieutenants, he had a right hand, and not enough ‘wives’. On the off-chance that he makes the mistake of accidentally remembering his real past wives, Lucille and Y/N, the idea that some women that are nothing but some pretty faces to warm his bed felt almost uncomfortable. But it was fine. He had no more room for suffering in his body - Killing and fucking was all he had left in this fucked up world. Maybe cursing too - But Y/N always cringed when he’d curse or yell, so he kept himself at bay... For as much as he could.

Now, he didn’t care about anything anymore. Nothing matter, except for his own survival, and the longevity of his group of Saviours. He dominated every community around, and he was the supreme leader, the Caesar at the Colosseum.

For the longest time, there was nobody who dared contest his rule - Almost three whole years, he was the King of the Jungle, overruling even the mighty Lion - Hell, he was above even Zeus himself - And then, those pesky fuckers came over and killed a bunch of his people - Innocent, normal people too, all that while they were asleep. Bullshit. As if he was going to leave that unpunished. Those fuckers were going to pay, tenfold. A hundredfold, at least. Fifty-six of his own people were dead. There will be hell to pay.

That night, Rick’s group was walking through the woods, holding Maggie’s exhausted, sick, and very pregnant body, only to get caught in a trap. From all over the the forest, ominous whistles echoed eerily, creeping them out, alerting them of the enemies they’ve walked into. They had to run the hell away from there before they got caught.

But it was far too late for an escape... They were caught by tens and tens... Or maybe there were a hundred people there, surrounding them? All of them with weapons of all kinds, and even cars. They were forced to give up their weapons, and got to their knees - From other cars, Glenn, Michonne and Daryl, all beaten up, were thrown to the ground also. This ugly guy with a rat instead of a moustache, the one who ordered them around, knocked on the RV and invited someone to come out, as if he was welcoming the Celebrity of the Night, the Guest of Honour, to walk down the red carpet and have his picture taken, in the spotlight.

Negan stepped out - The Man of the Night was ready to instill his revenge on the fuckers who dared cross his path and defy his ultimate authority. To think all of this happened to Rick’s group, because they tried to get to the Hilltop, find a doctor to medicate poor Maggie... Rick looked around, counting the people, only to realise - One of them was missing. Maybe she escaped? Hopefully, she did. At least her - Though, with all of them trapped here, there was little she could do by herself. Or, perhaps she could go and be welcomed, all by herself, to either Alexandria, or the Hilltop. Maybe even the Kingdom? Oceanside? Any community worked.

“Pissed your pants yet?” the man with the bat asked, with a sarcastic, dry chuckle. He meant business. He was a true threat, merely with his presence alone. No doubt, he was the leader of the Survivors, Rick realised quickly. They were screwed. “Boy, do I have a feeling we’re getting close.” he said, finally stepping into the light. He was tall, and well built. Rick knew, even if he were to brawl with him, he’d be at a disadvantage. “Yep.” the man walked across the line the eleven of them made. “Gonna be Pee-Pee-Pants City here real soon.” was he going to bash them all down with that bat of his? “Which one of you pricks is the leader?” he asked. Simon immediately pointed his nasty, crooked finger at the ex-policeman. “It’s that guy. He’s the one.” “Hi.” Negan looked down at Rick, lazily stepping in front of him. “You’re Rick, right?” rhetorical, as always. “I’m Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people, for killing my people - You killed MORE of my people! NOT cool! Nooot cool! You have no idea how NOT cool that shit is. But! I think you’re gonna be up to speed shortly.” Rick gulped in fear, looking up at the enemy. “Yeah. You’re SO gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.” he grinned. “Yes, you are~♪.” he said, in a singy voice. “You see, Rick - Whatever you do, no matter what - You don’t mess with the new world order. New world order is this, and it’s really, very simple - So, even if you’re stupid, which you very may well be, you can understand it. You ready? Here it goes, pay attention.” Negan lowered his bat, pointing the end of it to his face, raising it slightly. “Give me your shit, or I will kill you.” he removed the bat, and smiled. “Today was Career Day. We invested a lot, so you would know who I am and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me - That’s your job.” Rick couldn’t help but look up, frightened, not for his life, but everyone else’s - Especially Carl’s. “Now, I know there is a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow... But swallow it, you most certainly will. You ruled the roost. you built something. You thought you were safe - I get it - But, the word is out. You... Are NOT safe. Not even close. In fact - You are pegged. More pegged, if you don’t do what I want, and what I want is half your shit. And if that’s too much, you can make, find or steal more, and it’ll even out, sooner or later. “ this fucking bastard spoke too much, for what he was worth. “This - Is your way of life now. The more you fight back, the harder it will be. So, if someone knocks on your door, you let us in.” he chuckled. “We OWN that door.” he stated. “You try to stop us, and we will knock it down. You understand?” nobody dared utter even a shaky breath. “What? No answer?” Negan comically approached Rick, his hand to his ear. “You don’t really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished now, did you?” all at once, everyone’s hearts stopped beating. “I don’t want to kill you, people - Just want to make that clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me. You CAN’T do that if you’re dead, now, can you?” surely, it can’t be that simple, can it? “I’m not growing a garden... But! You KILLED my people. A whole damn lot of them - More than I’m comfortable with! And for that, you’re gonna pay... So now... I’m gonna beat the holy hell out of one of you.” the resolution had finally come to light. “This - Is Lucille. And SHE is AWESOME.” Negan showed off his bat. “All~ this. ALL this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honour.”

Negan walked from one light to the other, visualising the victims. One of the women was close to crying, and her health looked to be in poor condition. She couldn’t even stay still, kneeling on the ground. The other, a military man, looked up at him with tough, defiant eyes. Intriguing. Then, came a boy with a cowboy had and a bandage over one side of his face. He crouched in front of him, and though the kid tried to stay cool, the fear was obvious on his face. When he went back to look at the crying woman, the Asian had an emotional outburst - It was hilariously pathetic - But he was benevolent! Negan was going to let that one slide, for free! And he had even more fun, pointing his bat back at the kid, once he realised that was Rick’s kid, of all things!

“JUST STOP IT!” Rick growled pitifully. “HEY! Do NOT make me kill the little, future serial killer. Don’t make it easy on me! I got to pick SOMEBODY! Everybody’s at the table, waiting for me to order.” he started whistling, going back and forth, looking at the people. “I simply cannot decide!” he chuckled. “But I got an idea!” and he started pointing his bat at each and every one of those people. “Eenie- Meenie, Miney, Mo” he’d linger just enough to make everyone have small heart attacks. Seeing them crying, shivering, trembling, desperate, hopeless or even hopeful that they may escape the attack, that another will take the death for them. Something, anything.

People were SO tragic.

“Anybody moves, cut the boy’s other eye out and feed it to his father, and then we’ll start.” Negan ordered, finally picking his unfortunate target. “You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry - Hell, you’re ALL gonna be doing that.” everyone shrieked in horror, watching the victim take the first hit to the head, with all of the enemy’s might. “Oh, ho, wowieee, look at ya, taking it like a champ!” One more, and another, and many, many more, until Abraham’s head was nothing but perfectly minced mush. Everyone was in complete disbelief at the terror they’d just witnessed - It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. It didn’t make sense. Abraham - Dead? No way. Negan stopped destroying the already dead remains that became nothing but a stain of blood on the pebbled ground, and went around, taunting everyone with his bloody bat. Surely, there remained some hanging scraps of Abraham, still dangling from the barbed wire. The last bit of their friend, and it was on the monster’s weapon, no less. “LOOK AT IT!” Negan laughed, watching with sadistic pleasure as Rosita was trembling and sobbing violently - only to stumble backwards, punched in the face by the redneck who was once wrapped in a blanket. He watched as Daryl was being wrestled down by his own people, like an angry, raging bull, and he crouched down, grabbing a fistful of the idiot’s hair. It was the time for another divine punishment. He warned them once - He did, he was nice! He even gave them a freebie! But not anymore. No exceptions. Because of Dixon’s angry outburst, they were, once again, in the free line of fire.

Before he could get a good look at those pathetic fuckers kneeling before him, and choosing another victim, a shrill shriek, feminine, resounded desperately somewhere through the forest. Rick stiffened. Damn it, why now, of all times? Couldn’t she choose a better time to find their location? What’s the use of being directionally impaired, if you’re gonna find the group at the worst possible time ever?

“What was that?” Negan asked, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. “Another... Friend of yours? Did we miss one?” he chuckled, crouching down by Rick’s side - The Policeman was speechless. Though he remained silent, the sound of echoing bullets was getting closer to their location, and rapid footsteps were getting right in the enemy’s trap, like a butterfly caught in the spider’s web. “That was a woman, alright. I know a woman screaming when I hear one.” Negan pointed out. “She pretty?” he smirked. “She your girlfriend, maybe? Is that why you’re quiet?”

As he signaled for Dwight and another one of his bigass brutes to get in position and grab the surprise guest, he heard the rapid breathing - She must have been running for a while now. “Rick!! Hoard -- Hoard coming! They’re coming, Rick!” a hoard, coming over? Good information. Perhaps he might just spare this one, for the sake of her own stupidity. She came over willingly, after all. “RUN, IT’S A TRAP!” Rick yelled back at her, but it was far to late - The hulking man grabbed her, earning a squeak of surprise - She was held up in the air, only to be forcefully thrown to the ground. “NEGAN!” her soft voice sounded raw as she called out that name, as though she was expecting some kind of God to come over and magically save her. Negan, she said. How did she know that name?

The party watched their friend’s body roll to the ground, still for a few second, only to unexpectedly jump, and with a masterfully planned trip, she brought down the big guy, and when faced with Dwight’s crossbow, she had her hands up in a sign she gave up, only for them to realise that she had waited for the big guy to get up and rush to her, so that she could swiftly side-stepped the crossbow, get behind Dwight and force him to shoot his ally’s shoulder, while she put a knife to his neck, using him as the perfect human shield.

Negan’s eyes widened in shock and delight, and he whistled, impressed by the woman’s feat. He even applauded. “Well, I’ll be damned! What a masterful performance! I’m impressed - Really, I am! A woman, taking down two of my men like that, with nothing but her bare arms? Ha! I want you for a bodyguard, ma’am! In fact - You remind me of someone very dear to me, y’know? She could pull badass stunts like that.” he then turned to Rick. “Where’d you find such a fine woman, Rick? Were you the one who taught her to say my name like that~?” “Rick... Wh-What’s going on?” unlike the strength and prowess she displayed, her voice was unexpectedly quivering and broken... And awfully familiar. “I’ll tell you what happened, doll - If you let me get a good look at your pretty face. I mean - Not that I can really see you, you know, but I’ve just got this feeling that you’re a real doll, but that messy, big ass hair of yours is getting in the way of my admiring.” Negan chuckled, swinging Lucille around in circle-motions, only to hear the woman gasp, and the knife fell out of her hand. Negan stopped in his tracks, confused by her sudden moment of weakness - Not only that, she even allowed Dwight to get out of her grasp. “Lucille...? Negan...?” the woman spoke out those names, and Negan froze, his mouth slightly agape - Now it all made sense. That large, dirty blue hoodie she was wearing, the one that almost completely swallowed her whole - It was the hoodie that he left for her, years ago. “Y/N...? Now way!” slowly, the woman lifted the hair to reveal her face - It wasn’t as dirty as the first time he met her, but she was just as exhausted, and even more scared, if it was possible. “That’s right - Negan’s here, doll!” he let his bloody weapon hit the ground, extending his arms, and at once, Y/N ran to him, throwing herself into his embrace. “I thought you were dead - This can’t be... Are you, really?! You’re alive?! I’m not dead, am I? Or dreaming?” with a kiss, he shushed her down. “Did that feel real to you, hun?” her blush was still as adorable as always. No doubt, even after so long, she hadn’t gotten over that extreme embarrassment of hers. No matter, it was all fine. She was back. Y/N was really back. “Y-Yeah... B-But, Negan - What’s going on? I-I don’t understand what’s going on.” with one hand, he wiped away the stray tears falling down her pretty face, only to turn her around and hug her from behind, making her see the group. “Were you with them, Y/N?” he rested his chin on her head, and he felt the small motions of a nod. “Y-Yeah. A few weeks after we lost each other, I... I found Rick’s group, and they were nice enough to take me in. Been staying with them ever since.” she explained, confused as why was everyone in such despair. Then, she saw the large splatter of blood, and the familiar, ravished clothes laying there. “N-Negan... Wh-What’s that...?” “That, my dear, used to be one of your group. Too bad - He was a real man, that one. Muscles and all. Took a real one for the team. Or maybe six. Or seven. Or more. I lost count after a while.” he felt her body stiffen up. “Don’t be too upset, now, Y/N - You were the one who taught me how to kill people, weren’t you? Three years ago, when all shit hit the fan? Remember that night, with those guys attacking us? You said - Killing people is fine, as long as you’re defending yourself. And I did just that!” he placed a kiss on her temple. “You see - Rick’s group here - I mean, you might know about it already - But, Rick’s group killed not one, not two, not three - But fifty-six people. MY people. So - Of course, I took that as an act of war, and instilled my revenge. But you know me, Y/N, I’m a merciful man. I only took the life of one of them.” “B-But... There must be a mistake! Everyone - Everyone here... They’re good people! It must be a misunderstanding! Please, let’s not fight each other anymore!” she tried to beg him, only to feel everyone’s eyes fixated on her. “Rick’s people killed my people, doll. And I sent a few others to kill them - But Rick’s group killed them too, and a bunch more! I can’t let that slide unpunished. But it’s fine, really, it is. I want them to work for me now, and they can’t work if they’re dead, right?” Negan explained, chuckling darkly in her ear. “...No way...” she gasped in disbelief. “That means - You’re with the Saviours?” “No, doll, I’m not WITH the Saviours. I am their leader. Of all six hundred of them. More or less. I lost count, and so did Simon. They keep dying, or appearing, now, more than anything, thanks to Rick’s decision of decimating my men.” Negan shot the policeman a triumphant smirk. “...I’ve missed a lot in three years, haven’t I?” she frowned, crestfallen at the realisation. Negan couldn’t help but grin wider, twirling her around, this time, to look at him. He was the supreme leader now, and he was proudly and efficiently responsible for hundreds of lives. He wasn’t that deadbeat fuck anymore. He needn’t protection anymore. He was Negan, and he was out for blood. This was the real Negan. “S-So... You’ve killed Abraham. You said just one of them had to die. Now, what?” “Were you playing us all along?” the unexpected rough voice of Daryl Dixon made Y/N’s head snap at him, her expression was shocked, Negan realised. “Wh-What?! How can you say that - Of course not! I thought he was dead! I have been loyal to the group all this time, I-I’ve gone through all that with you - How can you accuse me of something so awful?!” she was pissed. “Cozying up to the guy who just made porridge out of our friend - And you call yourself loyal to the group?” he sneered at her. “And what would you have me do?! I don’t know what happened - I don’t even know what you guys did, I don’t really know anything, do I?” she refuted immediately. “Abraham’s death is on you, Y/N.” without any warning, the redneck jolted up and grabbed ahold of her hoodie - He tried to attack her, in an impulsive act of revenge, but Negan punched him down easily, while his other lackeys wrestled him down to the ground. “Wait, hooold the fuck up a second - Doesn’t this situation look... Familiar? Hey, Rick, is that what they call a Deja-vu? Well! Excuse the fuck out of my French, but this is sooo fucked up from y’all. You see - I was willing to let even that second outburst slide - After all, Rick, you DID care for my sweet, precious Y/N when I couldn’t, y’know? She means the world to me. I was willing to call that one a mistake too. Buuut ~ ♪! Unfortunately, third time’s the charm. I can’t allow anyone to harm my sweet Y/N. So~ ♪ Y/N, look away and cover your ears. I don’t want you to see more of this.” he gently moved her away. “Back to it.” without any warning or moment of preparation, Negan smashed Glenn’s head. Negan stole a look back at Y/N, and he noticed her whimpering. He felt bad, having to make her be a witness to all this - Alas, nothing could be done, and he completely destroyed the Asian’s head, letting out all the rage, frustration and any existent negative emotions that were bubbling in his heart. “Let’s go home, doll. You must want to take a loooong, warm bath and change into some fresh clothes. Get some good damn food, drink something. Just like old times.” Negan slung his arm around her shoulders, bringing her towards the RV, motioning for Simon to take over and leave those guys be, but neither could ignore the cries and sobs, nor the accusations of betrayal shot her way. Negan just brought her closer to his side and helped her up in the car.

Y/N barely had any power to speak - Instead, she just cuddled into Negan’s side, trying to wipe away the images of blood and gore that her old friends had become... All by the hand of the man she loved so much.

As promised, Negan had someone draw her a nice bath and got her a comfy set of clothes. By the time she was done, she threw herself on the bed, and Negan came over with a tray full of nicely cooked food for her. “You spoil me.” she chuckled breathlessly. “Only the best for my princess.” he gave her a side-smile, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching her eat. “Your hair’s still as much of a mess as before.” Y/N stopped eating. She felt guilty, for some reason. “Forgive me. I lost the tie you gave me.” she muttered. “I... Had a close call once. This guy, he... He grabbed me by the hair. Tried to, well... It doesn’t matter. But I cut my hair with my knife to escape, then killed him too. My hair was... So short and uneven. It was weird. I tried looking for it again, but it was lost in the swamp, so... Yeah. Sorry.” she explained, placing the food back on the tray. “N’aww, s’all cool, doll, don’t worry so much. It was just some hair tie I had around randomly.” he waved his hand at her dismissively. “It was the only thing you had left of your wife.” she muttered. “I know. It wasn’t difficult to figure out. So... Yeah. Sorry, again.” she gulped. “As smart as always.” Negan smirked. “God, I missed you.” he chuckled, still in disbelief that she’s alive. “What’s been going on - Since we parted, I mean.” he looked down for a little, before looking back at her. “Were you alone for long?” She hesitated. “I... Found my way to our spot. After a week. Pathetic, I know. I knew you waited for me... Thanks for the hoodie, by the way. It was very useful, especially during the winter.” she smiled weakly. “So... I went on the road. Two weeks... Or maybe more? I don’t know - But I found Rick and his group. They had just escaped a huge hoard of walkers from the farm they were living at. Many months, we were just on the road. It was... It was awful.” she muttered. “We found a prison. Made a few inmate friends. But it was awful... Not living there, no - Living there was really good actually. It’s just... So many bad guys terrorized us.” she shuddered. “The guy you killed... Glenn... His wife... She used to have two little sisters. Sweet little girls, innocent and giggly.” the woman bit her lip hard. “There was this old guy, a prisoner. He was creepy... Gave me bad vibes, but the women didn’t believe me. Said he was always helpful to them. He... He killed them. He- He decapitated the little girls, Negan! He was crazy!” she said, before she properly removed the hair from her face, showing a nasty scar around her neck. “Almost got me too. Nasty old man. Rick broke his hand, beating him almost to death. Maggie killed him as revenge, in the end.” she shuddered. “It never healed. Ugly scar will never leave.” she muttered pitifully. “Ugly scar, you say? What’s that nonsense.” Negan scoffed. “You’re as beautiful as I remember. You survived. You’re back here, with me. That’s all that matters.” he scolded her, before he pushed the tray a little to the side, getting a better seat on the bed and patting his lap. The way her cheeks flushed was so endearing and adorable, he couldn’t resist. “Come on, doll, don’t be shy. I want to get a better look at my beautiful girl.” reticent and timid, Y/N crawled on his lap, as his arms pulled her against his chest, a kiss on her forehead. “Go on. Negan’s here, no need to be afraid anymore.” he said, his kiss trailing down to her neck, going all the way across the white line that marked her skin. He could feel the soft vibrations of her giggle, as his stubble dragging along the thin, sensitive skin of her neck got tickled involuntarily. It only made Negan grip her body, as he playfully teased her more, just to hear those sweet sounds of hers. He hated hearing her cry all the time. He wanted to only ever see her smile and hear that lovely laugh of hers. “...I called out your name, you know.” through her giggles, the little statement felt so nostalgic and melancholic, that it made Negan stop and slowly retract, to get a better look at her. His heart sunk a little - He had promised to keep her safe so many times... He promised he’d be there whenever she’d call out for him. In that aspect, he failed her. Again. “Every time I was in danger, I called out for you. You never came... I’m not blaming you! I just... I don’t know why I did that. Maybe I just... I just hoped that... Maybe, somehow... You would come out of nowhere.” she admitted - Negan couldn’t help but smile at her - Damn, was she good. “Just like today, huh?” he couldn’t help but feel so smug - Even after three years, the instinct of calling out to him for protection, despite it being her, the protector, most of the time - It was the most endearing thing that Negan’s heard in his entire life. “That was really embarrassing, y’know?” she mumbled, looking away. “But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done. After all... After three years of calling out for you... You’re finally here. You’re not dead. I can’t believe you’re not dead. I-I... I don’t really know how to... I don’t know how to express properly what I’m feeling. I’m tragic at everything that doesn’t involve my body outright threatening to self-implode from fear - It’s always been this way. So... Even if it’s embarrassing as hell... I just want you to know that, you being alive... It’s the happiest I’ve ever been.” Negan couldn’t contain the ever growing grin on his face - Hell, he even had to shift his gaze away from that innocent, adorable face of hers, all bashful and shit - He dragged his hand down his face, ruffled away at his beard, all to stop the childish giddiness he was feeling. He couldn’t. “It’s been three years. It’s insane how much different our lives have been. You’ve been thriving and adapting so, so very well. You created a community... A whole community, and you’re their leader! Hundreds of them! You’ve become so strong and confident, and everyone’s relying on you. You’re so cool, you know? I wish I was there to see all this.” she sighed lowly. “Instead... I was on the run for months, and when we finally found a nice place to settle at the prison, I almost get killed a few times. A few of us got kidnapped too, by the psycho leader of another community - Called himself the Governor. He cut off Rick’s hand. He... He tortured and raped Michonne for days. I and Glenn were locked away in the room nearby, to hear everything. I don’t even want to imagine what he’d have done to me, if Michonne hadn’t pissed him off by biting his ear off.” she shuddered. “Bunch of us died because of him. A few of us almost died from a bad flu. It was awful. I think I was delirious for a few days too. Then, we get caught by a group of cannibals, of all things. More of us died again.” her eyes were gleaming with forming tears. “All of this... All of this... Three years... All by their side... And I get called a - A traitor. Why? I don’t get it. Am I really that bad? But even if I am - What have I done? Is it because I knew you, at the very beginning of the Apocalypse? Is that all? That sounds like a kinder garden reason, doesn’t it? But maybe it’s not me who’s wrong. Maybe it’s them. I can’t be a bad person for knowing you, can I? I can’t help loving you. It just happened.” Negan kissed her to shut up. “It’s been three god damn long, fucking years, doll. The man I was, and the man I am now - We’re different. Whatever those fuckers accuse you of, doesn’t matter. In the end, Negan’s here for you doll, a’ight? I’ve gotcha.” he kissed her again. “Besides - I was supposed to be the one who talks too much, wasn’t I? When you speak so much, you’re usually afraid or overthinking or some stupid shit like that. That won’t do anymore, doll! No more silly thoughts around me! My pretty girl won’t be upset anymore. She’ll be safe here, among friends. I’ll make sure of that.” Y/N gave him an amused smirk. “Will your wives also take care of me? I should let you know, I got proposed to, in the prison. Twice. Both times, by women. One of them, in fact, wanted to marry me AND Rick and his wife. But you never did ask me out, did you?” her cheeky grin made him laugh, only to shove his hand in the pocket of his pants, but his fist was closed, as he looked at it with a leisure, dazzling grin. “Well, love, ‘bout damn fucking time I change that, don’t you think?” opening his fist, he revealed a pretty ring. Nothing too flashy, but it sported her favourite colour scheme. “Used to be, you wore lots of pretty jewellery. Looked damn fine on you. Whatever fucker dared take them away from you, better wish he died, otherwise, I’ll fucking bash his head against the wall - But that only means I get to bring more gifts for my lovely girl.” Negan looked at her flabbergast expression - What begun as a joke, turned into an actual proposal, and it was such a hearfelt and very Negan-style one. He couldn’t help but feel his heart beat faster, watching the blush deepen on her face, and the way her beautiful eyes darted around, as if her brain had shortcircuited trying to come up with a proper response for it. With no better answer, she said just a single word. “Yes.” “Now that’s what I love to hear!” he laughed mirthfully, gingerly picking her hand and slipping the ring down her finger, only to place a small kiss on the back of her hand, and on the inside of her wrist. “If I’d known you were alive, they wouldn’t have existed. I gave them the option, to live a good life by my side, or work their place here, like the rest of the people. Can’t imagine any of those would rather give up their luxuries, even if that meant leaving their partners, y’know.” he let out a disapproving tut noise. “But you, Y/N. You’ll always be my lovely Y/N.” he said, pulling her flush against his chest. “Fuck those guys - They can’t appreciate you as you deserve. And fuck the world too - Fuck everyone else even. I’ll make sure you don’t have too see any of those dead fucks again, and like hell will I allow any threat to get anywhere close to you.” he declared boldly. ��It’s been us, against everything, from the very beginning, and that’s how I intend to continue it, until this fucking mess finally ends.” “And if it doesn’t?” she asked timidly. “Well, love, I’d say I’ve still a good couple of years ahead of me to enjoy, with you by my side. What do you say? We’re not getting old, are we?” he chuckled, mimicking the forming grin on her face. She felt light, and happy - She was brightening up the whole room, and Negan’s heart, along with it. “Sounds about right to me.”

As the Sun was setting, and the Moon was out once more, Negan brought his dear wife up, and led her to the living room, lit up by candles. A radio was there, and he put a cassette on ; A bitter-sweet love song played. It was ‘When the Wild Wind Blows’ by Iron Maiden, the tale of a husband and wife who form a suicide pact, as they watch the end of the world sweep on them, from their fallout shelter. Unexpectedly fitting for their situation, but beautifully tragic, no less. The two held each other, as they swung and danced the night away, with Negan softly singing the lyrics, in that soothing, velvety voice of his, that never failed to lit afire every nerve in her body.

Negan held Y/N in his arms, her head against his chest - Surely, she could feel the way his heart beat to the rhythm of her own drum, but it was fine. He loved Y/N. It was perfectly fine.

For a few seconds, in his euphoric daze, an apparition flashed before his very eyes, freezing him on the spot - It was Lucille, and she was smiling at him, just like the good, old times. She offered him a nod, and then she disappeared. Was this her way of forgiving him for all his wrong-doing? Was this her way of giving him the blessing of actually moving on, and truly falling in love with a new wife? Was she going to erase all the nightmares that he had been plagued with?

Negan looked down at the beloved woman looking so comfortable in his arms, and he kissed her hair. “I love you, Y/N.” and finally, Negan didn’t feel guilty for having feelings for another woman anymore. “I love you.”

#the walking dead #the walking dead x reader #the walking dead imagine #negan smith #negan smith x reader #negan imagine #negan smith imagine #negan x reader #negan

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ravenshavenn · 11 months

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Modern day muggle Snape headcanon

He would teach chemistry if he still needed to be a teacher but if not then I feel as though he would run a bookstore or work in a library while doing some strange science projects on the side

He'd prefer reading from books rather than technology like a kindle or his phone

All of the technology that he did own would be outdated as he simply doesn't care and prefers items the he knows the function of rather than the latest updates, he'd still be incredibly interested in all the latest advancements but wouldn't bother to purchase many himself

If he owned a car it'd be similar to his phone, computer, TV, ect with the fact that its old, dusty and kept to the bare minimum of cleanliness, he wouldn't leave rubbish in it and would tidy up after himself but it would still need a good hoover, dust and wash in order to be considered clean

Because of the modern day being relatively accepting of receiving help for mental health I'd like to think that as the smart man we know he is Severus would realize he needs help and with some encouragement from friends and family try and help himself

I personally think that he'd at least see a therapist or go to some form of grief support group as he feels more able to now that talks around mental health are more common and seen (by most) as a valid form of treatment

He's fascinated by YouTube videos discussing theoretical nerdy topics such as aliens, conspiracy theories and natural phenomenon not that he believes anything irrational, all his thinking is purely logic based but he still enjoys watching them regardless purely to think about the concepts

Along with this he'd also enjoy works of fiction like Sci-fi shows such as star trek, star wars or anything else that's typically considered "nerdy" but he prefers not to discuss it as is worried he'll be made fun of

There would also be an incredibly grumpy pet that he'd care for maybe a cat, lizard or some sort of bird, he'd have a sort of roommate relationship with it but when he gets tired he'd want to sit down and watch TV with it or it'd just sit on his lap while he reads

I feel as though with mental health support like therapy becoming more normalised Severus may choose to get help, as personally I think he's a smart person and in a

If there's one thing he hates its the concept of dating apps, how are you meant to trust someone you met online? They could be a murderer or the dark lord himself and you'd never know!?

He's also not a big fan of social media, he enjoys keeping up with all of his current fandoms and interests but rarely posts anything if at all, maybe just a few blurry photos of something he found funny like a strange looking cat or a picture of a cool science project he finished once and then he'd never post again

Music isn't something he's particularly interested in but when he does listen to it its normally rock, metal or something gothic but occasionally the odd bit of classical music if he wants to feel high status or is working on a project and wants music on in the background that won't distract him while he works

#snape #severus snape #pro snape #snape fandom #pro severus snape #professor severus snape #snape au #snape community #professor snape #snape content #snape fic #severitus #snapedom #pro severus #severus #snape headcanon #severus snape headcanon

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honeii-puff · 4 months

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Six of Crows AU but the crows are a wicca, a war veteran, a paralegal, an art TA, an ex-Broadway star, and a crime scene investigator that all got stuffed in the same therapy group.

@lilisouless @barrel-crow-n

#no but i'd read this au #it would be so funny #Genya's their therapist #six of crows #soc

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sitp-recs · 5 months

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Hiiii I LOVEE your blog, I’ve been following it for ages but have never put a request so.. here goes..

Can you rec any hurt harry fics on the longer side??

Please and thank u☕️

Hi anon! Welcome to the ask box 😊 sure thing, love me some Harry whump, I’ve included both physical and emotional/mental hurt:

Bad Medicine by playout (E, 25k)

As an Auror, Harry is no stranger to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries but he has reached his limit with his confidential information appearing in the Prophet after every visit. He's angry enough to give even his childhood nemesis's private practice a go. At least if Harry's secrets show up in the paper now, he'll know who to hex.

Match Fit by ravenclawsquill (E, 25k)

After picking up a groin injury just two weeks before the Quidditch World Cup Final, star Seeker Harry Potter reluctantly agrees to seek help from world-renowned Magi-Physiotherapist, Draco Malfoy.

A Year in Training by Omi_Ohmy (M, 25k)

Harry is finally living his dream and training as an Auror, but nothing seems to be going right: he’s just so angry all the time. And Draco Malfoy’s presence on the programme really isn’t helping with that, either.

Breathe In (and Feel No Hurt) by Constance1 (T, 38k)

A tale of love, loss, and of finding hope again. Or the story of how Draco turned into a house-cat in order to secretly bother a depressed Harry Potter until he was no longer feeling sorry for himself.

The Four Doors by @fluxweeed (E, 48k)

It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)

Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse. That is, until he stumbles upon the surreal and beautiful world of a mysterious fae creature…

Merlin Works in Mysterious Ways by lordhellebore (M, 82k)

When Harry is forced to form a Blood Bond with Draco Malfoy under threat of death, he thinks his future will consist of a cold home and sexual frustration. But when a group of left-over Death Eaters decides to stir trouble, their lives change completely – and it takes them both some years to figure out whether it’s for better or for worse.

Balance, Imperfect by @bixgirl1 (E, 91k)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (E, 104k)

Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

Any Instrument by @dictacontrion (E, 131k)

Draco Malfoy wouldn't go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can't control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.

#asks #anon #Drarry reclist #hurt Harry

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thatgordongirl · 1 year

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My BBC Ghosts Fanfics

Oneshot Collections -

Easter Oneshots

Christmas Oneshots

Spooktober Oneshots

WIPs -

Never Anything Quite So Special (3/4)- Fanny’s son returns to Button House as a ghost

If I Lived There (2/8) - Pat and Julian survive and meet as living people

This Whole Time - Captain has a flask on him, cue boys night

A Rainbow (6/8)- The ghosts as the colours of Kitty’s rainbow

Everybody Talks (1/4) - Captain starts to see Julian in a different light, leading to conflicting feelings

Patcap -

You Matter To Me - Captain has an existential crisis, Pat tries to make him feel better

Loverman (Oh Where Can You Be?) - Captain builds up the courage to tell Pat how he feels

1944-Lieutenant Butcher - Pat goes back in time to 1944, being assigned to the Captain

Paper Butterflies - Alison introduces the group to a therapy technique

Capulian -

Thank You For Being A Friend - Julian is gloomy on his death day, Captain sympathises

Keep Me Safe - Julian helps Captain cope with PTSD

Couldn’t Escape If I Wanted To - Alison had another party, so Julian distracts Captain

You Are The Best Thing That’s Ever Been Mine - Captain and Julian have an emotional affair

Things I Would (Could) Never Do - Captain meets an alive Julian Fawcett, he’s not impressed

I Get A Little Bit Genghis Khan - Julian and Cap get into an interesting routine

Indulgence - Captain & Julian and Captain & Pat

War Poetry -

Alone Again - Captain comforts Thomas during a difficult time

Our Little Secret - Thomas is more observant than the others know

No Man Left Unconcealed - The ghosts decide to play hide and seek, Thomas and Captain end up stuck together

De-Cap-itation

The Perfect View - Humphrey and Cap meet up for the night guard

Multiple ships/No pairings/One off pairings -

Hopelessly Devoted To You - Thomas/Isabelle, Humphrey/Sophie, Julian/Margot, Pat/Carol and Captain/Havers

Captain x Multiple -

Ghostly Support - Pat/Captain, Thomas/Captain, Captain/Julian, Humphrey/Captain and Robin/Captain

Thomas-centric -

What Writing Can Do - Thomas reflects on the importance of his profession

Reader Insert -

Families Aren’t Always Blood - Teen reader insert can see the ghosts

Pat/Carol -

Love Is Like - Pat/Carol

Theodore-centric -

When Soft Voices Die - Captain’s great nephew decides to learn more about his heritage

Multiple -

In Case You Don’t Last Forever - Daley & Pat, Pat/Captain, Captain/Havers, Julian/Robin, Isabelle/Thomas

It Was Funny - Captain & Fanny & Robin & Humphrey

Fanny & Stephen Button centric -

She Used To Be Mine - Fanny teaches Alison how to dance

Rachel & Margot Fawcett centric -

We Go To The Stars - Rachel and Alison have a talk on the roof

I’m Sorry For Your Loss - Margot and her relationship with death

In Nature Nothing Exists Alone - Rachel relates to plants more than people

Informality Of Family - Cap’s great nephew Theodore and Rachel Fawcett meet

The Joker And The Queen - Theodore gets shot and Rachel goes to comfort him

Nobody Else (But You) - Some good Rachel and Theo bonding

Forget - Rachel and Daley have a midnight conversation

New Year’s Kisses - Pat/Captain, Pat/Julian, Julian/Margot and Daley & Rachel

Exceptions - Rachel doesn’t like most people

#bbc ghosts fics #bbc ghosts

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satureja13 · 4 months

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Saiwa, Jeb and Kiyoshi went over to the library after Jack had called. Vlad: "Gods, Saiwa. What about your background story being the Professor's wife? You look like a student dressed to entice her two professors for better grades!" Saiwa: "Yeah, since Kiyoshi is back we needed to adjust. And staid and bland isn't my style anyway ^^' " Jeb: "..."

Saiwa: "So Jack, what about that Star Wars book is so important to drag us away from Kiyoshi's cat therapy?" Jack: "I'm glad you asked!" And then Jack showed them excitedly the story of Vlad and Ji Ho's meteorites. Saiwa: "Val and Jino? I don't know. And you can barely see their faces... And how are the writers of such trashy sci fi novels even supposed to know about that?"

Jack gasped in dismay: "Trashy sci fi novels? Ach! I don't even talk to you. Jeb, please, conjure me a copy, hm? You are my best friend and..." Vlad: "What?" Jack: "Uhm - my second best friend and..." Ji Ho: "What?"

Jack: "Oh ehm - you're like a brother to me! Please hm?" Saiwa: "Oh my! Just do it Jeb before he drives himself even deeper in trouble... I'm like a brother to you, you little brat!" Jack: "Aww yes you are! Thank you! This book explains everything! And you know how much I love Star Wars. And Vlad and Ji Ho are my favourite ship!" Saiwa: "I thought Jeb and I are your favourite ship!" Jeb, saving the day: "All step back a bit, Copypasto spell incoming!"

'… Well, you came and opened me And now there's so much more I see And so by the way I thank you Oh and then for the times when we're apart Well, then close your eyes and know These words are coming from my heart And then if you can remember

… Oh, keep smilin' and keep shinin' Knowing you can always count on me for sure That's what friends are for In good times and bad times I'll be on your side forever more Oh, that's what friends are for'

Dionne Warwick - That's What Friends Are For ft. Elton John, Gladys Knight & Stevie Wonder

And so Jeb conjured a copy of the Star Wars book and - just to be sure and since they're already at it, one of the old book about crystals too. They are still so amazed when Jeb does his magic ;)

Saiwa sent a digital copy of the crystal book to Rubyn. And since they'd used lots of unplanned spells today, they decided to leave the town full of Muggles tomorrow morning and move to a more concluded place in the countryside until they hear from Rubyn or Dtui. That's cheaper anyway. Saiwa, Jack, Jiho and Jeb spent the rest of the day at the ice rink...

And Vlad went for a walk with Kiyoshi. Maybe some of their impressions here would help to bring him back.

(The way he looks at Vlad :3) Vlad bought some of these delicious pretzels for the others <3 (In Nuremberg they have these special pretzels at the food stands in town. Not with grain salt but with powder salt. Oh my, they are amazing! Never had better ones.)

Saiwa was still revved up from seeing Jeb doing his magic (and he still had to make up to him) so they went to their room 'to pack their stuff together'. Student: "I've been a bad student, Professor... I forgot to prepare for the seminar..." Professor: "So what are we going to do now? I can't give you a pass on that..." Student: "Professor..."

Student: "Please, don't be so tough on me. I've never had a seminar before..."

Professor: "There's no way to avoid it..." Student: "I will accept any punishment for my deeds, Professor." Professor: "Any?" *Student nods*

Professor: "I will teach you how to do it." ... Saiwa: "Uhm Jeb?" Jeb slowly blinks his eyes open: "Hm?" Saiwa: "And my punishment?" Jeb: "You know I can't hurt you." Saiwa: "Oh..."

From the Beginning ~ Underwater Love ~ Latest 🛺 'Home crappy Home' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: 🌴 'The Expedition' from the beginning ▶️ here 🎤 'Putting the Boys Back together' from the beginning ▶️ here 🥀 'Disbandment of the Group' from the beginning ▶️ here

#home crappy home #simlit #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 story #simblr #ts4 #sims 4 vanilla #windenburg #underwater love #old town windenburg #saiwa #giga byte #jeb harris #kiyoshi ito #jack callahan #vladimir tepesz #woo ji ho

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swans-chirping-in-the-distance · 11 months

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welcome to your new home :D

○ Christian ○ call me bee or bug ○ she/ her ○ infp-t writer ○ azaleas, picrews, and sims ○ wattpad is keeperofthelostsleep ○ no smut, y/n, or x readers ○ singer, writer, reader, photographer (of inanimate objects) ○ I always try to be nice ○

main things I like:

○ kotlc ○ pjo/ hoo (book) ○ pjo (show) ○ 12 monkeys (show) ○ teen wolf (show) ○ merlin (bbc) ○ ouat in wonderland ○ psych (2006) ○ charmed (og) ○ haven (syfy) ○ mitski ○ indila ○

some other things:

○ tpq (aru shah) ○ sisters grimm ○ willow falls ○ sxf (manga) ○ elementary ○ asoue (show) ○ ouat (not s7) ○ clone wars (show) ○ paf ○ eah ○ (some) marvel ○ stranger things ○ pll (show) ○ clue (og movie) ○ aladdin (og movie) ○ disney (just some of the princess movies, like anastasia and brave) ○ occasionally some myths (usually starring women ○

major fandom thoughts:

kotlc- sokeefe shipper; stitz shipper; dexiana shipper; tiana shipper; keefe and fitz defender; lover of platonic sokeefitz; firm believer that dex and linh aren't cinnamon rolls and that tam isn't emo, overdramatic, or a cold person

pjo/hoo- lover of rachel; hater of how rick wrote calypso; number one percy jackson defender; lover of grover underwood

12m- lover of the entire cast. they're all perfect "they murdered-" hush.

tw- anti steter or sterek; shipper of both stydia and stalia; shipper of both scira and scallison; lover of kira yukimura; defender of derek's pack trio also a lover of the beta group>>>

m(bbc)- huge freylin and gwenthur shipper; lover of arthur pendragon; lover of all of the cast just especially arthur

og charmed- lover of prue halliwell; hater of phoebe halliwell; lover of cole turner; lover of chris halliwell; hater of the charmed sisters in later seasons (they're super rude, but I like some of the development)

haven (syfy)- nathan is literally awesome; DUKE. MY LOVE. GET THERAPY. AND HUGS. AND THERAPY.; audrey and audrey are both fun, better when nice to duke

mitski- be the cowboy>>>>

indila- ainsi ba la vida and ego>>>>

tags:

kits4!- kotlc in the sims. lmk ab your hcs. any hcs are welcome. probably gonna raise their grandparents bcz I'm too deep in this family tree lol

kap!au- kotlc in pjoverse and pjo in kotlcverse. may or may not write it out.

twilomiwb- mainly kotlc writing kinda stuff but not fics usually

#kits4!#kap!au #twilomiwb #hmys?lhrn #tiwtr-vc

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most-tragic-character-tournament · 6 months

Note

Speaking of other polls: the very first tumblr poll also got botted, and the OP was like "thats part of the winning experience" so desperation can override guilt anon. that aside. its not even about the potential bots here anymore. its just how invested everyone has gotten to the point I'm casting my vote for a potential third option here. maybe we SHOULDN'T make this an iconic sweep if we can't be civil. the essays coming out feel like a College Staff Needs To Round Up Student For Group Therapy And Apologies. is this what we want our fandoms to be memorialized for? is this how we will walk away, with bitter losses and hollow victories, knowing we have torn our hearts apart to achieve it? I see everyone spilling their guts out for a desperate plea to understand what all of it means to them. We've dropped our weapons in favor of words, and it is no longer a war, no longer a battle, we've lost sight of our enemies and only want to be known. have you ever seen a tumblr poll drop the jokes for serious, sincere confessions. to sit in a circle and speak quietly from hearts that bare the grief of dying stars. OP, what move you make next will determine everything. we have risen our voices, and mourned our chances, and conspired over sportsmanship until the battle became muddled into something deeper into the human condition. the characters and stories no longer existing. only many souls. history may be written by the victors, but it is you who holds the pen. we started the war, and you have the power to decide how this chapter in fandom history will be resolved and remembered henceforth, forevermore-

Wow uh yeah so no pressure right

#/lh #this is beautifully written though #antigone #Lloyd garmadon #fandom #tumblr

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minimoefoe · 10 months

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Ncuti Gatwa’s Rolling Stone article, the Doctor Who bits

“My Doctor is emotionally vulnerable. He hides it with humour, but he’s lonely,” says Gatwa of his forthcoming reinvention of the ever-changing Doctor. “I can’t say much more than that; I don’t want to spoil anything. But he’s also energetic! The poor cameramen struggled to keep up.”

To hear Gatwa tell the story of his casting, it almost sounds like he was granted a wish. One day he emailed his agent saying he wanted to play a role like Willy Wonka or the Doctor — and just a week later he was asked to audition for the part of the Time Lord. To prepare, Gatwa spent a week watching every Doctor Who episode since its 2005 revival. Although he had enjoyed the show previously, he never considered himself a habitual fan. He emerged from that binge-watching week a die-hard Whovian.

“I fell in love with it,” he enthuses, and he means it. There is undoubtedly a special quality about Doctor Who that’s hard to deny. “When you watch it, you forget all your troubles,” says Gatwa. “You go to space, or to another time. You have adventures.”

A big part of the show’s post-2005 story revolves around the Doctor having survived a devastating war that wiped out the rest of his people. This is a plot point that has since been undone and then redone; its current status in the canon is somewhat unclear. But it’s this that Gatwa latched onto because in that storyline he was able to see a reflection of his own life. As a child, Gatwa and his family fled Rwanda, escaping the genocide against the Tutsi minority. They settled in Scotland. “This person survived a genocide. This person fits in everywhere and nowhere. I am the Doctor. The Doctor is me. I decided that I had to get this role,” says Gatwa.

“I’m very nervous. I have a lot of sleepless nights where I lie awake feeling my heartbeat,” he says. It’s hard to imagine the pressure he must suddenly be feeling, but it’s understandable nevertheless. Doctor Who is a science-fiction family show that has run, on and off in some form, for 60 years. It’s also a nexus of so much of British culture. Like James Bond, the Doctor is a character through which Britain learns to understand itself, as much an icon of our changing times as a fictional being. The show’s connection to British identity means tensions can run high and fans can be cruel at times, seemingly over-protective because they feel that the show is something they own. They can also be bigoted in the most predictable ways.

“I’m the first Black man to play this character. The British press can be very mean,” he says of the reaction to his casting. But Gatwa is determined to remain steadfast in the face of criticism. “I just have to focus on the job and stay true to what the Doctor is: a mad scientist alien who has adventures and cares about everyone,” he says.

Thankfully, the Doctor Who team are helping him handle the pressures that come with his new role. “Russell T Davies has been amazing, too. He calms me down. He’s such an Earth sign. I can get very anxious, but therapy helps, and they’ve made sure that I have time put aside to have my sessions.”

Gatwa has also drawn support from some of the past Doctors, and has met Peter Capaldi, David Tennant and Matt Smith in person. He ran into Smith at a party before he’d been announced for the role and tipsily said “I’m following in your footsteps!” — a remark which baffled Smith until Gatwa was officially confirmed as the new Doctor. Gatwa tells me that Tennant set up a group chat where some of the previous actors stay in contact with one another, and they’ve all offered Gatwa support and advice on dealing with the press. After all, the only people that can really know what it’s like to be the Doctor are those who have been the Doctor. Once you’re cast, you’ll always be part of the show’s long history.

The series will return to BBC One (and Disney+ in other territories) in three specials this coming November, all — as far as we know — starring David Tennant once more. Gatwa’s first episode will be in a Christmas special set to air in December.

Doctor Who is all about reinvention and with Gatwa, this bold reimagining can be seen in his aesthetic interpretation of the offbeat time-travelling alien. Fashion might not be the first thing people associate with Doctor Who, but what the Doctor wears is an intrinsic part of the show. Tom Baker’s long scarf, David Tennant’s pinstripe suit; those are things that people immediately associate with it. But Gatwa’s Doctor might well be the first fashion-conscious one. “The day Russell invited me to meet everybody, they asked me what sort of costume I wanted. I showed them this Ralph Lauren collection that was in partnership with Historically Black Colleges in America,” he says. “I love those pieces, they’re so preppy and so Black. But then they asked what else, because they’d been thinking about lots of outfits, almost a different one each week. Which is new! I love it. The Doctor has travelled all of time and space; they’re going to have a sick wardrobe.”

Not that previous Doctors were badly dressed, mind. “I love Jon Pertwee, the Third Doctor’s, outfits. Lovely velvet jackets and frilly shirts. I feel a connection to him, our Doctors are the only two who dress like sluts,” he laughs.

The idea of multiple outfits has led to a fun press cycle where Twitter is regularly treated to a photoshoot of the Doctor and his companion in a completely new style each time. The most notable of these was a Swinging Sixties look, with Gatwa sporting a blue striped suit and an Afro. “The hair and makeup department have been incredible,” he exclaims. “Claire Williams and my own makeup artist, Bella, who is an old friend, worked so well together in creating my looks. Originally, we weren’t going to have the Afro, but Bella convinced me and I’m very glad she did. It’s such a shot into the bloodstream. It’s a statement — the Doctor is fucking Black.”

#doctor who #ncuti gatwa #dw txt #I looove the way he talks about the show/character #how passionate and excited he is makes me more excited

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psychologeek · 9 days

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Holocaust (and culture appropriation)

(TW: holocaust, death camps, sexual assaults, rape, industrial murder. I will put the graphic shit undercut. Include children death and human experiments).

Sometimes I think about how fucked up it is that for most non-jews (and some jews) "The Holocaust" is Anne Frank and Auschwitz "where they killed people".

I think about the fucking, the goddamn AUDACITY some people have to take our trauma and use it as a tool. As a lesson.

People that for them the holocaust is nothing but a story, a bunch of facts, probably as aware of it as they're aware of the crusaders.

(Once upon a time, in a far away land, there were Troubles)

People who didn't hear about it as children, who didn't grew up with six million and one-and-a-half million and yellow stars and quiet ceremony and Yizkor (remember).

That.

Would look at a pile of hats and bones and wigs and hair and make it about them.

But also

Sometimes I think about how wild it is, that this looks so horrific to them.

(And they never heard about half of it.)

Like.

Dear.

Deary.

We are used to death. We are so used to being murdered, and loosing loved ones by hate, that half of our culture is basically based on it.

I think about how non-jews keep talking about the holocaust, like it's a clean cut, like it's a thing that was, like it's that's all that was - there were people hiding, and there were gas chambers, and that's it.

And I remember being a kid (maybe 10 yo?) reading a kid/ya book that was an autobiography, and I remember the writer (who was a young teen at the time, and pretended to be a Christian German) wrote about someone came into the shower and touched him. (Writer) Panicked, and turned around - and then the other man asked him "wait- are you jewish?"

As a kid, I remember that this is all that was in it.

As an adult, I remember that scene, sometimes. And I can have a pretty clear idea on why the older man didn't tell about the kid.

I remember, several years ago, reading about a therapy group for holocaust survivors that were sexually assaulted.

I remember reading about an old lady, that (70 years later) told about what happened to her when she hide away with her sister, (I think they were two, or three girls?) she was sixteen, or maybe fourteen. I remember

"I did it so they'll share their food with us".

I think about people talking about the "death camp" Auschwitz, and how someone said (those who went there, were the lucky ones. When the newbies asked what happened, where are their families? We just pointed at the burning chimneys of Birkenau ,and the smoke.)

I remember the HUNDREDS who died once the camps were "freed", because they didn't know the dangers of eating two pieces of bread after a long period of starving.

I remember the massive Jewish community of Poland that was just. Erased. 99% of 3 million population pre-war. Whole communities we only remember and mention as the community's name (and even that is a very long list.)

I remember how people remember it as "German jews" (and some Poland) - but it's not. My grandma had cousins in Debretsen, Hungary. And it's Ukraine and France and Morocco and Greece and Lybia and Lithuania and Latvia and almost everywhere in Europe and North Africa

(except for Denmark. we love Denmark. My grandad's step-grandma survived there. She immigrated to her family in Israel after that.)

Idk if Goyim ever heard about Mangele. I wonder, how many of them heard during their childhood about:

The eye experiments, where he injected serums in people's (living) eyes, to see what would happen?

His obsession about twins. The toddlers that got their back skinned, then stitched together in "to see what will happen".

(They died after four days of misery.)

#holocaust #jewish history #goyim can reblog #but not add #except Roma #many tw #auschwitz birkenau #we don't talk about Sobibor #i guess #or babi yar #or the way survivors were murdered when they tried to go back home #Goyim be like “oh you don't learn from the holocaust”#well actually #we did #we learn that we'll always be haunted and killed #that there'll always be a new excuse to kill us #we were called communists in the USA and in the USSR we were called capitalists

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bakudekublogblog · 16 days

Text

promises kept - Chapter 3 - gabstar - 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga) [Archive of Our Own]

chapter 3 of promises kept is up!! hope you enjoy!!

The next few months pass surprisingly quickly. The restoration efforts go by much more smoothly now that Izuku and Katsuki are out on the field (together, because Aizawa was shockingly amendable as soon as Izuku cried about it a little. Katsuki suspects that his own freak-out didn’t hurt either) and soon enough Musutafu starts to look like home again. Trees are replanted, playgrounds restored, and office buildings and restaurants become operational once again. Children go back to school, adults return to work, and life goes on.

Regular classes resume at UA. It’s more than a little weird putting on their school uniforms and sitting through fucking algebra lessons after experiencing the horrors of war, but it’s also a kind of nice. The mundane feels like a privilege after everything they’ve been through. Homework, boring lectures, training regimens, and eating with friends at lunch were hard-won victories. It’s hard not to be grateful for it. It’s a slow process, but eventually, things settle into a new kind of normal.

Except it’s better. Way better. Because now Katsuki has Izuku and the whole world is brighter because of it.

True to his word, Izuku is as clingy as he likes. They train together, study together, partner up on group projects, hang out in Katsuki’s room after class, and go to the gym together. They don’t leave campus without one another, even if it’s just to pop by the convenience store or to visit their parents’ homes. A few times a week, Izuku’s friends will drag him away to have a Dungeons and Dragons session in one of their dorms or a study date in the common room, but for the most part their friend groups have merged. They all sit together at lunch, even though they have to cram multiple tables together to fit everyone, and even then it’s such a tight squeeze that their thighs squish up against one another. It’s a little overwhelming to hang out with all of them at once, but somehow having Izuku at his side makes it easier to bear. Izuku still hasn’t spent a single night in his own dorm room.

And true to Katsuki’s word, he is there for Izuku. Whatever he needs. Whenever he needs it.

At first Izuku is shy about the things he requests. It starts with small favors: helping Izuku do his physical therapy exercises, lending Izuku is hoodies when the nights got cold in Katsuki’s dorm room, reminding Izuku to take his anxiety meds, jogging together in the mornings in case he gets ambushed by the press again (which they did. Because those fuckers were relentless.) Katsuki does it all gladly. Every small task feels like it’s a step forward, a building block added to the foundation of their repairing friendship. It’s both an honor and a relief that Izuku trusts him enough to ask for what he needs; it makes Katsuki’s heart feel like a brilliant star blazing in his chest.

But the more time passes, the more bold and casual Izuku’s requests become. Katsuki only starts noticing it about six months after they’ve been released from the hospital.

They’re studying in the common room together, with their homework splayed out across the coffee table as they sit on the floor, close enough that their shoulders brush as they write. Izuku must be having trouble with English again because he keeps muttering to himself in the garbled language, but Katsuki knows better than to offer help before he asks. Izuku can be weirdly stubborn and competitive sometimes, especially when it comes to Katsuki.

Izuku sets his pencil down and sighs heavily, letting his head fall onto the coffee table with a thwunk. Katsuki smirks.

“You good?” he asks, nudging Izuku with his knee.

“Can’t do it,” Izuku declares. “Too tired. I think I need a break.”

Katsuki hums in acknowledgement. It’s almost dinner time anyway. They can pick this shit up after they get some food in them. Maybe he’ll pop on an episode of Wonderful Quirks and Where to Find Them while they eat. It’s the least annoying of Izuku’s favorite trashy reality TV shows anyway. Katsuki starts gathering up his pencils and scrap paper.

Izuku leans on the coffee table, propping himself up with an elbow as he looks at Katsuki with a strange glitter in his eye.

“Hey,” he says. “You know how to make katsudon?”

Katsuki frowns as he shoves his homework back into his school bag. “Course I do. Shit’s easy.”

“Hm,” Izuku says. He taps his chin with the butt of his pencil. “Well. I don’t.”

“What the hell? Didn’t your mom ever teach you how to cook?” Katsuki demands, turning to frown at him.

Izuku shrugs. His grin is somewhat sheepish. Katsuki rolls his eyes.

“You’ve gotta learn that shit if you want to be a hero,” Katsuki scolds. “Can’t maintain muscle mass off of TV dinners and protein bars.”

Izuku hums in acknowledgement.

“Kacchan is right. I should learn how to cook,” he says, nodding seriously.

And then peeks up at Katsuki with a cheeky little grin.

“Teach me?”

God, he’s so cute. All soft curls, shimmery sea-green eyes, and dimples. He’s beyond cute, he’s fucking angellic. Katsuki should be used to it by now, but somehow Izuku’s specific brand of adorable only gets more potent over time. Katsuki takes an extra three seconds to process what he’s just asked. He blinks rapidly, forcing himself to refocus.

“You want me to teach you how to cook?” Katsuki repeats as flatly as he can.

Izuku bats his huge fucking bambi-eyes up at him innocently.

“I can’t do it on my own, Kacchan,” he says, soft and sweet.

Katsuki’s belly riots with butterflies. Fucking butterflies. Who is he? How has he allowed himself to become this pathetic? He feels a flash of annoyance, but it’s quickly drowned out by this strange, fluttery fond feeling. Even though he really should stay annoyed. Is Izuku seriously trying to use Katsuki’s solemn vow to strong arm him into making katsudon for him? Katsuki isn’t an idiot; he sees right through Izuku’s little game. Katsuki fights down his grin as best he can.

“Go wash your fucking hands,” Katsuki says. Izuku leaps to his feet, beaming so brightly it puts the sun to shame. He bolts into the kitchen and shimmies his shoulders excitedly.

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