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utilitycaster · 5 months

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(this is tagged for it as well, but putting it here: the below involves some non-graphic mention/discussion of suicide in relation to episode 3x78)

I think it's important to keep in mind, regarding the most recent episode, that while Ashton's behavior was extremely dangerous and reckless, it was not suicidal in intent. Ashton thought it would work. They thought that they would fix things, and they ignored all the smart people warning them against it because it would imply a lot of negative things about their parents. That doesn't mean it wasn't an action taken out of a certain lack of self-regard (Ashton's realization of this is what drives much of his conversations in the first half of the episode); but it's much more akin to an accidental overdose, or a drunk/reckless driving, or other dangerous choices. It feels very true to the idea of punk that Taliesin is going for, in which dying young is always very much a possibility, even perhaps an expectation; but not necessarily a goal. Ashton did not expect taking the shard to result in their death, and is incredibly shaken specifically because it did.

With that in mind I think the party's reactions seem very real and very understandable. The fact is, when someone does something very risky and nearly dies (or even is briefly clinically dead, using real-world terms) but ultimately survives it's extremely normal for one of the emotional responses to be anger that they put themselves in such danger. It is not, perhaps, rational, but most emotions aren't. It hurts a lot when someone one is close to does something that harmful to themselves. I don't judge the other members of Bells Hells for expressing those feelings. Frankly, them not expressing similar feelings in the past might very well be why Ashton made the decisions he did: the party lacking trust and walking on eggshells around each other is why he didn't confide in them, and why they fell apart so completely here.

I think it's relevant that Chetney tells Fearne, after stating he likes Ashton, that either she or Ashton can talk to him if they "want out", and he pretty heavily implies that this indicates not just leaving Bells Hells, but suicide, and that he has considered the latter in the past. It's clear that initially Chetney considers that a possible reason for Ashton's actions. He then gives Ashton the "You should leave" speech only after everyone present has been talking at dinner, after Ashton has indicated that he will help find Laudna. It only comes out after Ashton's emotional state is made more clear to him: it's pretty bad, but not actively at risk of self-harm (and indeed, desperately trying to avoid it and to change).

Finally, it's worth considering how important anger is to Ashton. Obviously I don't think having Imogen, FCG, and Chetney yell at them feels good. I also think it's going to feel better than apathy, and more honest than any other option. I don't think a forced gentleness would be better; in fact it might be worse, with them taking a break because clearly Ashton is having a hard time and needs to recover (shades of how Marisha mentioned Laudna feeling like a burden following her resurrection), rather than "we are clearly all in disarray and all have been not dealing with a lot of emotions, and this could have been any of us, and we should all regroup." I mentioned before that ultimately what's important is, angry as they are, Bells Hells undeniably stayed, and FCG and Imogen at least made it clear early on that they would, even if they were angry. Ashton was abandoned in the past by people who weren't even angry, is the thing. I don't think they cared enough to be.

#tw suicide #let me know if you need other tags.#critical role spoilers #critical role #ashton greymoore #truly the flat out stated similarities between ashton and fcg and some people's responses have been. unfortunately enlightening.#some who claimed FCG was going to sacrifice themselves/destroy others in the grand disc and were pretty vile about a hypothetical #are quick to paint ashton in a light so sympathetic it demands no one else feel any emotions #Ashton even states his shittiness about the changebringer was bc he thought this would lead FCG to do...exactly what he did with the titans #really it brings us back to a core question: is it action or is it intent. the answer is both but action matters more.#but also. much more bluntly. some of you have never either fucked up real bad or had a friend do so huh.#this felt extremely true to life; that's really it in the end.

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freckledgeto · 4 months

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higuruma who physically cannot look at yuuji because he (and his conviction) (and his hope for saving higuruma and others) is so illuminating and bright that it physically pains him to look hes so real he’s just like me

#higuruma is literally just like me like that is my sunshine boy #the panel of yuujis eye and higuruma having to shut his own bc it was too bright while he was in his endless darkness aaoouuugooauyuhghohggh #gege used to be a writer #jjk #jjk spoilers #jjk 246 #he’s gonna look at yuuji next chapter and see that brightness again and he’s gonna want to live yup i’m geges ghost writer #also i need yuuji to stop vocalizing his intent on suicide i wil not let him die

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aq2003 · 6 months

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does the human nature/family of blood arc know about the implication they made when characterizing john smith as someone who more than anything wants to live/is terrified of death and how that contrasts against ten in s3 who tries to sacrifice himself so many times to such a degree that it heavily reads as him being suicidal. "he was braver than you, you chose to change and he chose to die" That's sooo crazy <3 because every episode up until this arc has involved ten either trying to deprive himself of human connection (key word "trying". i'm so sorry martha), putting himself in harm's way ("you're getting careless, doctor"), or talking about how his long existence of unending grief has left him tired of living (yeah). so like anyway with all this in mind the scene of ten frying his brain to turn human while martha watches him scream in agony with the most horrified expression on her face does not look like "the doctor turns human to battle these monsters!" it's way more like "last episode the doctor got a taste of being dead and now they see the most opportune situation to do the closest possible thing to killing themself that they can. martha is traumatized by watching this happen". like. john smith is an entirely separate entity from the doctor to such a degree that he is actively taking part in teaching kids to become soldiers. ten might as well be dead in these episodes. and it's like Does the person who wrote this stupid fucking arc know about all this!!! "he chose to die" THATS SO CRAZY that after 2 full episodes he finally resolves himself to make the decision that the doctor would've done in an instant. i'm insane

#tenth doctor #dr who #suicide cw #i rewatched this arc today <3 and im. normal #it's bad. but it's good. but it's bad bc it might've been good on accident. the aroace coding seems intentional though.#and it's a nightmare for martha and they should have gotten at least one person of color to look over the scripts.#10 era

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brokenstar28 · 5 months

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Bat-fam as random things I've said/heard this week/ Sleep Deprived 5-9

Bruce: Do you need these brains?

Tim: Yeah, there my back-up's.

Dick: *blocks the doorway* You shall not pass!

Damian: I have to go to the bathroom.

Dick: ...Hugs first.

Tim: Do you ever want to just...dissapper?

Dick: NO!

Damian: Yes.

Tim: What are your thoughts on murder?

Jason and Damian at the exact same time: DO IT!!!

Dick: Murder bad!

Damian: IT'S A CENTAUR-DOG!!!

Jason: We just thought the exact same thing!

Edit:

Damian: 1 or 2?

Tim: 3

#damian wayne #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #robin #batfam shenanigans #incorrect batfamily quotes #red robin #bruce wayne #red hood #nightwing #batman #batfamily #batfam #incorrect bat fam quotes #incorrect quotes #sui intention #suicide intention

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 2 months

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it's so hard knowing when to take yourself seriously or not. like my brain screams at me so often and there are things that are so tempting... at the same time if i go back to the ward what's that gonna help anything, yk? or if i make a serious attempt on my life is that gonna land me involuntary, or what? will it mess up my uni stuff? like yes i anticipate self harm becoming way worse again in the next few weeks. i can see a future in which i'd kill myself in the next few weeks. but at the same time i'm okay in a way i haven't been for months and approaching years, and it doesn't make sense

#tw sh #tw suicide #personal #puddleglum hours #vent ig #tbh if i seriously attempt suicide im probably gonna claim it was an impulsive thing even though this specific method &c is one ive been #thinking about for months and like. yeah i have a plan but no current intent yk #my psych thinks im fine with fortnightly psych sessions #so yay me ig #anyway nobody get worried this is just a vent don't look too seriously

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themalhambird · 5 months

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There, in black and white, is photographic proof of Alfred Hillinghead’s damnation.

It doesn’t matter if the photograph is staged. There’s no way that he can prove that, not quickly enough- and even if he could, it wouldn’t matter. To whom could Hillinghead take hypothetical proof of this fraud- this deep rooted corruption? The Chief Inspector is squarely in Harker’s pocket. Doubtless a large number of London’s judiciary are as well- they all run in the same sort of circles, the Sirs, the My Lords, the Your Honours of the world. And even if he could persuade one of them to believe him- there’s a couple of judges and a handful of magistrates that he considers friends, in a professional capacity at least, and he’s

certain that any of them would at least hear him out…but what then? So this photograph is a set up, eh? Why yes, my lord. So you’re not a homosexual? Well actually, my lord…

Hillinghead clenches his fist, digging his nails into the palm of his hand so hard that it hurts. The pain is good, because it blocks out the distractions from the matter at hand- it stops him from giving in to the urge to either swing round and throw a punch straight at Harker’s face, or to fall to his knees and blubber like-

A queer? the nasty little voice inside his head whispers.

-like a child, Hillinghead thinks loudly, stamping down on that voice with a mental foot. Now is not the time to break into pieces- he can do that after he has found a way to keep everyone safe- Polly and Charlotte, and Henry alike. Harker may still be talking, or he may not- Hillinghead doesn’t care to hear another word he says anyway. His own face stares up at him accusingly, and the image of himself in the arms of a dead man is burning itself into Hillinghead’s brain.

***

If he didn’t feel— a deep regard and friendship for Henry, if Ashe were instead some faceless stranger— Hillinghead would still refuse to frame him. The law is the law: if they cannot find, or they cannot find the evidence needed to convict, the real killer the police do not get to pluck out some other unfortunate, inconvenient soul to swing for the offence. If Harker wants to fabricate evidence- fabricate a respectable reason for lurking in a segment of the city famous for its sodomites and its prostitutes, buy a jury, and be found innocent of any involvement. Write The Star off as a rabble-rousing rag fit only for kindling, which anybody who’s opinion might impact on Sir Julian Harker probably believes already. And in the meantime he, Hillinghead would despise every second of watching it happen- would smoulder with a white hot rage that he can’t prove that it’s happening- but he would be helpless to prevent it and it would at least leave him out of the perversion. Moreover, it has a better chance of clearing Harker in the public eye than framing Ashe ever does. A journalist accuses a wealthy man of colluding with the police force to shield him murder charges, and that same police force turns around and charges the journalist with the crime? It's an insultingly obvious attempt at framing someone, and Hillinghead would wonder why Harker, who’s allegedly clever, cannot see the flaws in this scheme of his. But deep down he knows: mighty men cannot resist the chance their power gives them to punish lesser men for catching glimpses of their sin. This isn’t meant to clear Sir Julian’s good name so much as it’s meant to punish Henry and Alfred both for tracking mud on it in the first place. It’s a crime so severe in Harker’s eyes that Henry has to die for it and he, Hillinghead, must live either with killing his lover, or with seeing his wife and daughter dragged down into ignominy and disgrace by his weakness. Those are the only two futures, in Sir Julian Harker’s world, and the world would probably bend Sir Julian’s way, except the bastard drugged him, laid him out in a dead man’s embrace, and then let him keep a copy of the photos.

He needs to get Henry out of town. Hillinghead’s plan- the plan teetering on the very edges of his mind, the plan that he’s too afraid to properly acknowledge until he absolutely has to- does not work if there’s a brash, idealistic hothead armed with a printing press getting under foot and tripping it up. Besides, Hillinghead framing Ashe might satisfy whatever poetic notions Harker indulges in, but a stitch up would work just as well if another officer held the needle, and either Harker or the Chief Inspector might refuse to…….

It all came down to which of them was considered the greater threat. Hillinghead’s money would be on Henry every time. The man is braver, and more tenacious, and more honest than Alfred in every way- Hillinghead dropping his pursuit of Harker in no way guaranteed that Ashe would roll over, and go away. So Hillinghead needs to get Henry out of town, give him no option but to flee London and lie down low somewhere until everything is over, and there’s an obvious way of doing that. It will make the man hate him, but better Henry hate him and live than love him and die. The walk between the station and Henry’s apartment is exactly long enough to irrevocably fix Hillinghead’s resolve and when he knocks at the door, he savours these last few seconds of Henry Ashe believing that Alfred Hillinghead is worth something.

***

He returns to the station to write out a confession, and gives it to the chief inspector. Then he heads home, for what he is painfully aware will be the last time in his life.

The problem with blackmail is that there’s no such thing as a one off payment. Hillinghead has seen it happen before: once becomes twice, twice becomes thrice, and thrice becomes an adulterous husband pawning family jewels - then accusing the servants of theft when his wife notices her favourite earrings are missing. It becomes a governess stabbing a footman for holding knowledge of her bastard over her head until the money dries up and desperation takes control. “They’ll never stop fucking you”, Henry had said- but Hillinghead already knew that: it is the only thing allowing him to make a little piece with how badly he was about to hurt Charlotte. If he had been willing to turn on Henry, he might’ve spared her some more immediate pain- but what then? He could do everything that Harker asked of him from now until the second coming of Christ, and if it becomes more expedient to him than having an easily replaceable, dirty Detective Inspector on the books, Harker would still be able to “expose” those photographs- only by that time, there would be a whole litany of other, real offences that could be used to drag Hillinghead down and how many other Henrys- how many other innocents- would have been harmed in the meantime? Better that the pain should come sooner, and so be over sooner- although perhaps that’s his own cowardice talking. After all, if Harker is appeased by what he’s done (he wonders if the Chief Inspector has gone to Harker already; he wonders how little time he has left to make his apologies) he’ll only have to face the world’s derision for as long as it takes him to end up on the gallows.

If Hillinghead had done as Harker wanted, then in ten-twenty-maybe even thirty years time, Charlotte would find herself to be the wife of a crooked, corrupt officer sentenced- to jail, to death, it hardly mattered which. The outcome would be the same: Charlotte would be shunned from society and, for those ten-twenty-thirty years, Alfred very much doubted that their marriage would continue to be as amicable as it had been. Guilt- about Harker, about Henry- would, he knew, make him withdraw in ever growing shame. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. She’d become a widow long before she had to put him in a grave. On the other hand, if Hillinghead had done nothing and Harker made good on his threat, then Charlotte became publicly scorned as the wife of a sodomite and an alleged murderer, subject to all sorts of scrutiny from the broadsheets and speculation from the gutter press as a trial fed public interest in the scandal. If she stood by him, she would be tainted by suspicion: how much did she know, when did she know it, how was it possible for a wife not to know that she’s sharing a bed with a killer? If she denounced him, she would be branded as unfeeling- heartless, even. A good wife was loyal to her husband no matter the circumstances, no matter how bad his prospects looked…and if she believes in his guilt, then why wait until it all became public to come forward? Why not voice her suspicions to the proper authorities herself?

But Alfred has signed a written confession. There will be no trial. He will be arrested, and he will be executed, and Charlotte will be allowed to be horrified and heartbroken and innocent of any prior inkling of his crime because his confession specifically states that he committed the murder in panic because his victim threatened to inform his wife of a brief affair, long over. Most importantly, she will be free of him with as little notoriety attached to having been his wife as possible under the circumstances.

She’s a beautiful woman, Charlotte. She is beautiful, she is kind, and she is strong. Someone out there will fall in love with her: Alfred hopes that, within the limited set of choices he could have made, he has done enough to preserve her respectability, to engender compassion, even, for her situation- to leave her, once widowed, in a place where she is able to marry again if she wants to. She still has a whole lifetime ahead of her, and the best amends that he can make to her for the mess that he’s made is to maximise her chances for happiness once the dust has had a chance to settle. As for Polly…she will have her mother. And he hopes that she’ll still have some fond memories of her father- that she won’t despise him, not entirely. He loves them both- he loves Henry too-and he does not regret, in the end, trying to uncover the truth. He loved being Detective Inspector Hillinghead. And for the last time, he opens his front door and is embraced by the music that his daughter is playing.

#Bodies (netflix)#alfred hillinghead #period-typical homophobia #alfred hillinghead's internalised homophobia #suicidal intention i guess?#just to cover my bases #Henry Ashe #Charlotte Hillinghead

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ssaalexblake · 1 year

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I feel like we need to talk about how Yaz ending up in the police because the person who “saved” her was a police officer, one whom was sent to find her, is a story that can and SHOULD be talked about in context of ‘why are the cops being called in to help with a mental health crises?’

Because had Yaz actually been put in contact with an actual person in the correct field her teenage brain would have read ‘this is the way to help people’ as being a mental health advocate and/or professional for kids. That the cop she got was kind to her and said the right thing was just a bit of extra training on her part and luck! It wasn’t like, a cop’s job description to do that, they’ve been drafted for it because screw budgets for the health sector, apparently. Yaz apparently just got a pep talk from this lady, and yes, after this talk she dug herself out of that hole she was in, but a few correct and kind words are not a great help to most people.Yaz is never shown to be given any actual help for her mental health issues. An actual mental health advocate would have done more. At the very least known they Should have done more.

Yaz is frustrated in ep 1 because she wants to help people, not get stuck trying to get adults to stop squabbling over a parking space dispute! Because Yaz thinks being a police officer is about helping kids with poor mental health.

Why?

Because the cops get called in the case of a suicidal teen instead of a health professional.

Like, i’ve seen people mad it wasn’t addressed, and okay, they never verbally hash this one out, but personally i found the development quite explainable without talking about it.

Yaz is ‘saved’ by a police officer her sister had to call out of lack of other options for help. After she’s a bit better yaz decides she wants to help people and do good like the establishment who saved her does. Yaz thinks cops are actively for what that woman did for her and Yaz wants to pay it forward. Yaz becomes a cop. Yaz is deeply unsatisfied with the job well before she even gets out of her probationary period because she was dissilusioned. Yaz meets the doctor who actually lets her help people. Yaz is only shown from here on trying to dodge her work as a cop and never returns.

Yaz was given the impression that cops are here to be mental health advocates from one single cop who was kind to her at the time when she needed it most. Yaz learns very quickly that that’s not what cops do. Yaz wants to actually help people. Had Yaz been sent somebody Properly trained in mental health like she should have been, she’d never have ended up a cop bc she didn’t actually want to be one. She just didn’t learn that till after she was one.

TLDR If you ask the question ‘why are cops responding to worried kids calling about their suicidally depressed sisters instead of a trained medical professional?’ I think this whole thing is very self evident as an arc.

Cops should not be called for a mental health problem. Cops being trained to respond to mental health calls when instead they could take the money they used to teach cops this stuff and give it to Actual Mental Health Establishments is a farce.

I think by the end of her run, Yaz is aware, maybe not of the mental health angle, she’s equally averse to introspection as 13, but is definitely of the opinion that cop work isn’t primarily out to help people.

#dw shit #idk if this was the intention here! but i think it makes sense regardless #like think abt it really #WHY are cops being used as mental health workers??? they're threatening and foreceful at best #not the best match #and this is literally what trips yaz up #also there's a parallel with yaz being a cop and time lords being time cops #suicidal ideation cw

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ty-bayonet-betteridge · 5 months

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imagine if lisa had overheard this. like picture her smacking brian upside the head and going "IS THAT THE ONLY EXPLANATION FOR WHY AN EMOTIONAL WRECK OF A TEENAGER WOULD CONTINUOUSLY THROW HERSELF INTO LIFE-THREATENING SELF-SACRIFICING SITUATIONS YOU COMPLETE DUMBASS"

#taylor: suicidal #brian: ah. her reckless behavior and lack of concern for her own wellbeing MUST be intentional manipulation #wormblr #parahumans #worm spoilers #worm reread

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metanarrates · 7 months

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making uncomfortable eye contact with all other kdj fans because we know exactly what being a big fan of that character implies for one's general mental health and coping mechanisms

#narrates #orv #it really Is like blasting into someones ears that you have issues with ptsd dissociation coping through fiction and/or suicidal ideation #anyway hi chat ive been at work for 10 hours. feeling a little bit insane (murderous intent)

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windtooth-plane · 2 months

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YoOoo hidden niche of pearls

Soooo about the scavengers,, and the bombs

What was that all about HmMMM?

{HNOP: "His facility collapsed, however, his puppet was retrieved by Green Pines' slugcats. He had been living there for some time attached to the same structure with an emergency port umbilical cord, however, now I believe he headed to Chimes' can after Clock decided to go there on her own. I don't know the details, as almost all of the people I've mentioned hate me. Islands and I are still fri- . . . Accomplices... and Pines treats me like he treats everybody. Endless and I haven't talked.}

{TEXT: "Well... An iterator from another local group gave me a pearl. Something I was never supposed to have in the first place. I know that now. The pearl contained sensitive information regarding the self-destruct taboo. Needless to say, the iterator Endless Moving Nights was attempting to surpass it. After talking to an iterator called Eight Islands under Storm Clouds, he gave me the blueprints to highly explosive spears. I gave them to my scavs to use against Endless.}

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lnkedmyheart · 1 year

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Listen, I like Oda, he's cool and everything but he tells Dazai the exact same thing Verlaine says to Chuuya. Both of these boys were struggling with their identity and believed they didnt deserve to be seen as humans. Where Dazai was desperately distancing himself but positioning himself in a spot where he could still experience humanity, Chuuya was actively trying to be human while also not fully accepting himself as one. Verlaine tried to break Chuuya by reinforcing his lack of humanity by pointing out how nothing and no one could ever fill that lonely void in him and yea sure we all collectively believe that was a nasty thing to say to a child struggling with his identity who had just lost all his friends. But Oda did the exact same thing, I know his intentions were better and he cared about Dazai when he said that and the meaning was distorted because neither actually understood the other enough, but he told a child struggling with his identity who had just lost his 2 closest friends and had no contact with his partner at the time that nothing could fill the lonely void in his soul.

And nobody is ever allowed to question it or criticise it cause Oda has the cool dead guy syndrome where he isn't allowed to be criticised or judged like other characters.

Because Chuuya heard those words at the very beginning of strombringer by someone he hated and later spent the entire book learning that people did in fact care for him and view him as human and finding out about his parents and the scar, it led to him having (slightly) less of a martyr ideology because he no longer isolates himself and tends to seek out genuine connections even if he is painfully reserved and repressed about his own struggles. Meanwhile Dazai was told those exact same words by Oda at the very end of the dark era arc at an incredibly vulnerable moment when he had literally lost everything and seen things and lives fall apart by someone who he idolized to an almost unhealthy level. This leads to Dazai quite literally losing hope (he shows a hopeful nature a few times in 15 and dark era though it is rather subtle, Dazai shows it most in his attempt to stop Oda from going to the final fight) and becoming a martyr who sees no value in his own life outside of a tool. He struggles to create genuine connections even with people who genuinely care for him (the ADA) and repeatedly puts on a mask in front of them.

Chuuya and Dazai both view themselves as people whose lives are only worth what they can do for others in different ways, Chuuya feels the need to protect because he is the strongest and feels need to earn his existence whereas Dazai feels the need to martyr himself because he only finds value in his life and death by saving people.

#soukoku #i am actually super tired so I am probably making no sense #but i have so many thoughts on this #like they said the exact same thing #sometimes good people have good intentions but an awful execution #sorry but i will never sit here and accept the idea that Oda's words did Dazai good #they gave him a wake up call sure #but anything he had said at that moment #even just telling him to leave and be a good person wpuld have worked because Dazai IDOLIZED him #he could have told Dazai to do a chicken dance and Dazai would have fucking done it at that point #his words pushed Dazai from suicidal but making excuses to a martyr mentality #ive seen people unironically call anyone who dislikes or analyses Oda's words a hater #but somehow every analysis turns into more evidence of skk mirroring each other

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