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system-of-a-feather · 10 months

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Gatekeeper Talk

(Disclaimer: This is entirely based on how our system works and should be taken as 'these are notes on how I do what I do and is not meant to represent how 'most' DID appears in any way'. This is shared mainly as a 'here is how we operate and you can read and take it as food for thought')

Parts keep talking about me and I needed time in the front and had been meaning to ramble on this a bit but just some gatekeeper talk about how I do some of my shit and all for the system.

To start I am the Primary Gatekeeper which is our system just means that I stand at the top of a large structure of gatekeepers hierarchy and that is mostly based on respect from the rest of the system. I am technically only slightly above tied in hierarchy to the gatekeeper of "the other side" but she doesn't work with me and is a child and also tends to work "in mysterious ways" because the other half of the system is structured in "mysterious ways" and thus she keeps an eye on those parts and area for me. It also means that I am basically always at least somewhat co-conscious in the sense I am basically always listening (and because I'm always listening, I am also typically good at choosing not to front even with positive triggers or people calling me out) I largely handle system dynamics and structure since the "lesser" gatekeepers tend to have a handle on memory shit but I also do that if something slips by, but usually it's not my "specialty" beyond "looking information up" and comparing and contrasting questions then deciding what to tell the rest of the system based on what they need to know.

Thanks to the fucking shit ton of gatekeepers around to handle keeping trauma shit where they need to be, I really just get to largely focus on system stability, structure, and coordinating parts with one another and honestly, thats stuff I find a lot of fun thinking and talking about.

Usually that means I sit back and observe and keep a good idea on the "profiles of each part" and where they stand on certain topics, what traumas they are generally attached to, what they state they want, and key personality traits and what not and I use that information to create dynamics and plans for parts to be paired or set up for a dynamic change and what not.

If there is a new part, I keep a note on them and figure out what we are going to do with them - whether they are prone to going dormant again or if they are liekly going to stick, whether we are going to try to incorporate them into the "functional unit" and main fronting set of the system or if we are going to mark them as more of a part that needs to be taken care of and thus - rather than focusing on "finding their place in the system" and finding what responsibilities to give them, we focus on who we can pair to be responsible for them, support them, and help them get to a place where they can function independently.

If there is a part that fused, need to fuse, or has split, I tend to take those parts in and see what that does to the overall system web and how things might adjust.

If there is a part that has grievances with the structure and/or wants a change to be made as they are unhappy with their place or what they are seeing with the system, I will go ahead and handle that grievance and see the best way I could try to remedy and make that fit.

If there is a part that needs a break, I'll provide a temporary dynamics shift and protocol for what parts move where to handle what.

If there is a part that needs more time near the front to processing something or communicate with the fronting crew more, I'll provide a temporary dynamic shift and protocol to make sure they get that.

If a part has a large scale or existential system need to be met, if they have an idea of what might help them, Ill work with them on that; but if not, I'm honestly not that great at helping parts figure what they need out so usually they'd have to go to Lucille, Riku, or XIV for 'therapy' and figure it out then come to me. I'm not very good at being emotionally available.

Overall my job is knowing how to adjust the system in accordance to whatever struggle one part may be going through, whatever changes happen, and whatever life throws at us and to do so, I have to be well in touch with the functions and jobs of each part as well as why they originally split.

There is a lot to managing the system dynamics and connecting parts to work with one another that I really couldn't list here off the top of my head as its very case-by-case, but here's a small list of things I like to keep in mind when figuring out dynamics within the system.

Mainly sharing this in case it helps others in trying to figure out stability in their system.

Innate Synergy / Compatibility / Resonance between Parts - It's not inherently obvious and doesn't always make sense, but as gatekeeper I can generally tell - like a sixth sense - what parts are most compatible for one another and "compatible" is different depending on what we are asking. For fusion, usually it is due to the alters having similar emotional wavelengths, views, experiences, and/or dynamics with the rest of the system that make them compatible. In term of system dynamics, it is often just an innate closeness of the parts; generally this innate connection is like a judgement for how easy it would be to actually get those parts to click (For example, XIV and Riku had negative synergy and compatibility so shit was hard for a while, where as Riku and Lin have a pretty high compatibility so working those two together was easy)

Counterparts and Balance - DID tends to form alters that are extremes and - in our old therapist terms - parts tend to split in ways that balance one another. Instability, system conflict, and unsustainable dynamics tends to happen when too many alters of a similar type tend to have too much say over life or tend to conglomerate together. When setting parts and the system to work with one another, it's good to spread out opposing views and functions with one another as to keep any part from falling into too far extremes and so that each part can keep the other in check. Unfortunately this tends to be inverse with the innate compatibility. Additionally, when considering fusion paths, you need to focus on making sure the parts have good synergy and compatibility, but you also don't want to exacerbate one part's extreme more extreme than is healthy - thus why I don't support the suggestion of XIV fusing with Chunn (XIV had suggested it and I laughed cause Chunn is extremely misanthropic and easily annoyed but functions by his preference to flight over fight; XIV is society-hating and easily annoyed and very aggressive, but actually enjoys people; god forbid we get an uber misanthropic, uber easily annoyed, HYPER aggressive alter)

Consent and Interest - Any part that is not at least interested and onboard is not on the table to play and organize with. If they are too far into trauma space, do not want to work with the system, refuse to work with a specific part, do not want to fuse or whatever, they are off the table. While you theoretically could try to force a plan to happen, most of the time not having enthusiastic consent with system dynamic changes with the parts involved ends up in more instability than it is worth and an increase in persecutor-y behavior within the system. Stability is built upon satisfied and cared for participants - disregard and breed resentment within the system and you'll end up with issues.

Strengths and Weaknesses - This just generally informs what parts are capable of doing and what they struggle with. Beyond just skills and personal outlooks on life, there is important notes on what parts are aware and in contact to other parts and any other unique quirks and traits that come with them. Trying to match alters that have strengths that counteract the other's weaknesses is the goal. (Riku is a hedonophobic, workaholic, perfectionist who is avoidant of trying new things in favor of sticking to what they know and things they know they do well. XIV is a hedonistic, sensory adrenaline seeking revolutionary personality that loves shaking everything up and causing chaos to rebuild shit in his vision. Both are prone to self exploding independently and while they innately didn't work well together, once they got a better synergy going, they perfectly cover one another's major flaws and enables both of their major strengths)

#alter: ray #gatekeeper stuff #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #gatekeeper talk #gatekeeper #advice #communication #system dynamics #system dynamic #actuallycdd

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taizi · 3 months

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gently in the cold dark earth

scum villain's self saving system word count: 2k canon divergent / no system au; sy transmigrates into an empty npc role; gray lotus binghe loves his shixiong more than life and he's ready to make it everyone's problem

title borrowed from work song by hozier

read on ao3

The first thing Luo Binghe does when he escapes the Abyss is return to Cang Qiong Mountain.

With Xin Mo secured to his back, the way could be instant if he so chose—the journey of a thousand miles reduced to a single step—but he unsheathes the elegant jian at his hip instead.

Yong Liang sings sweetly for him, the snow white blade still shining and untainted even after years of helping Luo Binghe carve his way through hell. It has never once failed him, soulbound to the one person still on this earth who has never failed him.

“Take it,” his shixiong insisted, low and urgent. The Abyss was behind them, an even deadlier threat was ahead, and Without A Cure clogging his meridians made Luo Binghe the best choice to wield the only unshattered spirit sword they had between them. “Binghe, take it.”

He pressed until Luo Binghe’s grip curled tight around the hilt, not hesitating to put his soul in Luo Binghe’s hands even with the rosy glow of an unsealed demon mark shining on his face.

Luo Binghe flies at a pace best described as dangerously reckless, hardly smelling the fragrant spring air or feeling the sun on his face. His robes are a disgrace, his hair a tangled, matted mess, and it occurs to him that he could stop somewhere and clean himself up, make himself presentable, but it’s a brief, fleeting thought.

Shen Yuan would be furious to find out that Luo Binghe wasted even a single second returning to his side.

——

He passes through the ancient wards effortlessly, feeling them fall away from him like water. It’s a simple thing to tamp down on his demonic qi, to disguise the parts of him that those so-called righteous cultivators would scorn. He ghosts through the familiar grounds as eagerly as a starving animal bolting down a fresh game trail, but one by one, all of their familiar haunts come up empty, without even a lingering trace of Shen Yuan’s spiritual energy left behind.

The head disciple’s room is dusted and undisturbed, as if its occupant might walk through the door at any moment, but the lack of clutter and the empty book shelf makes it very clear to Luo Binghe what the truth must be.

If Shen Yuan returned to the peak after the Conference, he didn’t stay.

All at once, images crowd the front of his mind—his shixiong grieving, pulling away, turning his back on those responsible for his heartache.

Yue Qingyuan, always only a step behind wherever his precious Xiu Ya sword went, promised that no one wanted to hurt them. They only wanted to help.

He looked so solemn and righteous that Shen Yuan reluctantly allowed himself to be convinced. Luo Binghe, who had gone to the man for help after a bloody whipping when he was a child, only to be given a walnut cake and turned away at the door, knew better.

He wasn’t surprised when Shen Yuan was wrenched away from him, and shizun sent him staggering off the cliff with a spiritual dagger buried to the hilt in his chest, all of it happening within a matter of seconds—but it still hurt.

Shen Yuan’s scream followed him all the way down.

I’m alive, Luo Binghe thinks, with no one there to tell it to. I came back to you. Let me come back to you.

——

Including time spent in the abyss, it’s three years before they meet again.

Luo Binghe’s revenge is his second priority at best, but he is nothing if not efficient and knows how to kill two birds with the same stone. Huan Hua affords him ample resources and opportunities to scour the world for his missing shixiong while playing the role of earnest and diligent new disciple. He snatches up each mission that comes along as though eager to prove his worth to the sect that so graciously took him in, but he takes every excuse to wander, to search, to make conversation with vendors and innkeepers and passing strangers.

Have you seen my heart? It lives outside of me in the form of a beautiful young man and tends to wander. Very contrary, likes to fuss over people, could argue the stripes off a lushu just for fun. You’d know it if you met it. You’d never forget.

The days blur together, meaningless and gray, but he doesn’t stop looking. Shen Yuan still exists somewhere in this world, because otherwise Luo Binghe wouldn’t. It’s the only thing that makes sense. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.

And then, finally—an afternoon in Jinlan City, when Luo Binghe arrives in a throng of incompetent gold-clad Huan Hua disciples, to investigate a plague of all things—

He’s there.

In dark, neutral colors and plain clothes, a traveling cloak with its hood resting down around his shoulders, as if his beauty could possibly be lessened by cheap, shapeless fabrics rather than effortlessly enhanced. His hair falls from its half-tail in glorious waves—he never did have the patience for anything elaborate, only wearing braids when one of his sticky shidimei cajoled and convinced him. Traveling alone, who could he possibly have to roll his eyes at and complain about and sit patiently still for?

A pale green ribbon is all that decorates his hair. Luo Binghe recognizes it instantly.

“You should spend your allowance on yourself, Binghe,” Shen Yuan scolded him, not for the first time and certainly not for the last.

“But I did,” Luo Binghe protested, widening his eyes and clasping his hands earnestly, the way he knew worked best. “I wanted it! And now that I have it, I want to give it to you.”

Shen Yuan was too clever by half to be truly fooled by the innocent act, but he always folded like paper anyway. He spoiled all of his shidimei but Luo Binghe most of all. Anyone on Qing Jing Peak would be hard-pressed to think of a single example of Shen Yuan telling Luo Binghe ‘no.’

Sure enough, after a second spent visibly wrestling with himself, he blurted, “Oh, fine! Hand it over.”

He wore it every day since. He’s wearing it now. The wind catches the ends of it, sending it streaming behind him like the tails of a paradise flycatcher. Lovely.

For a brief moment, Luo Binghe is frozen where he stands, finally faced with the very thing that he’s been missing for years, that he’s been living a miserable half-life without.

And then he remembers himself and lurches forward. His voice is a tangle in his throat but he manages to choke out, “Shixiong!”

A strike of lightning couldn’t have jolted Shen Yuan into more perfect stillness. He stops mid-step, every inch of him as good as carved from precious jade. He doesn’t turn his head, and the sliver of his face visible from where Luo Binghe stands is very pale.

Luo Binghe wonders suddenly if this has happened to him before—if Shen Yuan has heard a voice on the road or in the market that was almost familiar, that was almost the one he was hoping for, only to be disappointed when he turned to follow it and found a stranger.

Luo Binghe shortens the distance between them with a few anxious steps and tries again.

“Shixiong.”

The older boy whirls around abruptly, as if to get it over with. He’s bracing himself, but Luo Binghe barely has a second to absorb Shen Yuan’s painful-looking anticipation before it bleeds out of his face in favor of something else entirely.

He looks like the earth has fallen out from beneath his feet, like he hardly dares to believe his eyes. Zheng Yang gleams golden at Shen Yuan’s hip, reforged and whole again.

“Binghe?”

“It’s me,” Luo Binghe says softly.

There’s a tableau he’s afraid to break, as if they’re in a delicate dreamscape and a move too sudden or loud might dissolve it. He wants to say I’ve missed you the way lungs miss air, immediately and needfully, I haven’t breathed at all since we’ve been apart. He wants to say you’re my light in the dark, I can only stand in front of you now because I love you too much to ever truly leave you.

Instead, he tells his dearest friend, “This one made you wait. But your Binghe is here.”

Shen Yuan sprints the rest of the way to meet him, almost before he’s even finished talking, and they collide in a solid embrace that knocks the air from them both.

His arms wind around Luo Binghe’s waist like steel bands, fingers digging into the back of his robes, precious face pressed into the crook of his neck and shoulder. Luo Binghe doesn’t hesitate to gather him up close, holding him as tightly and securely as he knows how, burying his nose in his shixiong’s hair and breathing in the familiar, beloved smell of him.

Shen Yuan is a few inches shorter than he remembers. All the better to tuck him beneath Luo Binghe’s chin, to cover and surround him so completely that not even the heavens above can get a decent eyeful.

He wants to grab and bite and pin Shen Yuan beneath him and never let go. His jaw aches with wanting it.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Luo Binghe says, eyes wet. “I went home first.” Unsaid goes the obvious but you weren’t there.

“How could I stay?” Shen Yuan bites out, managing to sound all at once strangled and bewildered and—charmingly—offended. He shakes his head without lifting it, an aggressive nuzzle against Binghe’s shoulder. “After what they did to you, I’d rather die than represent their stupid sect another minute.”

“Step away from it, Shen Yuan,” shizun said coldly. “I’ll put that beast back where it belongs.”

“No,” shixiong said in a voice that was smaller than usual, one that shook. He was frightened, clearly overwhelmed, but he didn’t budge from where he was plastered in front of Luo Binghe like a breathing shield.

“Now.”

“No, shizun.”

“Shizhi,” Yue Qingyuan said gently, offering his hand. “Come here. It will be alright.”

Shen Yuan said, “No. You can’t hurt Binghe. He’s not bad just because of who his parents are. He’s as good as he was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. He’s hardworking and loyal and a sweetheart to anybody who gives him half a chance. He’s so good.”

Liu Qingge was behind the sect leader, sword drawn. Shen Qingqiu was quickly losing what little patience he had, face twisted into a sneer, dark eyes stabbing hatefully at Luo Binghe from over his head disciple’s shoulder. There were more figures rapidly drawing closer, the other peak lords following the flare of Yue Qingyuan’s qi. The standoff was becoming more and more untenable, and Shen Yuan was too smart not to see that, shrinking back against Luo Binghe as much as he could without crowding him closer to the edge.

“You can’t hurt him,” he said again, the closest Luo Binghe had ever heard him come to tears, “he’s my shidi.”

Luo Binghe is unsurprised by his shixiong’s loyalty, because it’s already been proven to him over and over. It’s unremarkable at this point, which is an absolutely remarkable thing in itself. It makes him feel warm with gratitude and affection and ownership.

Shen Yuan is clever and quick on his feet and always three steps ahead, more knowledgeable about flora and fauna than anyone else Binghe has ever known combined, and probably a force to be reckoned with as a rogue cultivator, where the only rules of conduct he has to adhere to are his own.

But Luo Binghe hates to think of him on the road alone, without the little martial siblings who follow him like ducklings, without his Binghe there to make sure he remembers to eat all his meals and comb out his hair before bed. He’s a creature of comfort, made for airy rooms with too many cushions and an abundance of sweets and books to read.

Luo Binghe has fantasized more than once about building a home for Shen Yuan to lounge prettily in. It was, in fact, his favorite flavor of daydream since he was about thirteen.

If Shen Yuan wants to rogue cultivate, then that’s what they’ll do. But Luo Binghe thinks, if he constructs a palace that’s as comfortable as it is grand, and fills it with trashy romance novels and obscure beasts and his own hand-made meals, he can convince his friend to live in it with him.

Shen Yuan needs to be taken care of. Luo Binghe needs to be the one taking care of him. They’re together now and they’ll never be apart again and those needs can both be met.

That possessive, proprietary feeling coils dark and deep inside him, undulating lazily like a serpent who’s fed enough for days, reminding him over and over what he already knows:

Mine.

#scum villian self saving system #svsss #bingyuan #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen yuan #my writing #svsss fic #sy transmigrates into a blank role in a world where his favorite character exists #and he's supposed to - what ? NOT fulfill his personal fantasy of being lbh's best friend ?? ok 🙄#naturally binghe has been obsessed since the moment this pretty boy first smiled at him #bingbing i love you you deserve a good shixiong / future wife and i'm here to deliver #ALSO sy's sword name is (yǒng) meaning perpetual ; eternal ; forever #and 亮 (liàng) meaning bright ; clear ; to show ; to shine #in my mind's eye zheng yang is golden so yong liang's silvery white is the perfect compliment #YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO THE SUN & MOON SHIP DYNAMIC 🫵#heaven and hell were words to me

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