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lwt28brave · 3 years

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LT2 masterpost

If it was up to me, we would get an autumn or winter EP. Since it’s not up to me at all, here, enjoy this post with everything we know so far of LT2, which is to say, not much at all. Everything here is hypothetical. I’ll be updating every time I see something relevant. A little disclaimer that while this is a masterpost (kinda), it could be read as discourse (duh, it’s also a theory), AND it’s also by me, and you shouldn’t expect me to be serious at this point.

Due to me restraining myself, there’s no reference to any of the times he’s mentioned his guitar skills and him improving but I hope you know I cried every single time.

I’m also linking my old pinned here. It was written before AFHF and around the free merch thing that didn’t lead to much, but I still think I made some good points.

Possible tracks:

Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Change

Faith in the future??

369??

Possible names:

369

Faith in the future

When is the album coming out?

Your guess is as good as mine

Friday 28th of January 2022. Almost two years after Walls. It’s a Friday. It’s a 28th. What else can I say?

Here you can find @want-to-be-loved timelines for every month.

Here you can find @berlinini’s timeline of what Louis has been up to this year (2021).

The rest is under the cut. And here you can find a PDF version where Tumblr can't tell me how many pictures I can add.

2020

He said back on May 2th 2020 he wasn’t writing anything new yet.

(x)(x)(x)

Interestingly enough, he’s said many times after that that the album’s not ready cause he has no new experiences to drawn from. I won’t call him out because he does it himself.

May 4th. He liked a tweet from DMA’s Johnny Took saying they had to go write together again. Louis has been credited as an influence for them and (kind of) participated in their previous record, so I’m assuming he meant for their music and not his, but you never know.

Nothing(literally nothing??? how did we survive) until 11th of July. We all know what happened that day. We all celebrated it. Nonetheless, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

(x) So, by the beginning of July 2020 he was working on concepts and ideas for the new album. That was fifteen months ago. I know perfection takes time but…

Brief summary of important things that happened from then until the next mention of new music:

Louis left Syco!!!! 10 days later he rescheduled the tour for the first time. He followed Matt Vines on Twitter, probably so we could publicly shame him into doing something. Also, the 10thanniversary. He followed more people I wish he hadn’t.

Then more nothing until September. Not even a single tweet. The first merch drop was on the 28th of August but he just RT’ed the tweet. He first mentioned Free my Meal on the 25th of September. Then on October 1st Walls hit #1 on a lot of countries and Louis was incredibly happy and excited about it ^^

And then, that same day, October 1st, 2020, he dropped this bomb:

(x)

He also said it was too soon to be sharing new lyrics with us (x)

And, obviously, this tweet which is actually what made me start this whole post. I would hope you know mate.

(x)

He also told us he was cooking "banger after banger" and that he was incorporating more social themes into his music (x)(x) (I believe any social issue is a political issue but that’s not the point rn).

COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY?!?!

These next paragraphs are brought to you by my mind not remembering things and me not having any links. I’m assuming COACOAC came from those writing sessions that supposedly happened in October. Or in LA but I have no idea if he actually was in LA at any point other than a Daily Mail article putting him there on December which would have been too late, but I do remember that someone said he was in the studio in LA last autumn???? A rumor. Maybe. IDK. Did I mention already all of this is very hypothetical?? Well, this is it. I can’t even remember if this was October or November or what. So, take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also… taking the liberty to assume, if you must, that Copy wasn’t meant to be a Walls reject because it sounds more mature and darker and it has a vastly different tone that Walls songs. I know he’s said that song probably isn’t getting into the album, but I want to have faith (in the future) that I’m getting a studio version. (But also, Louis, if you’re reading this, first of all GET OUT OF MY BLOG second of all, please don’t ever feel pressured again to add a song to the album because we have already heard it before. It’s your art and it should always be under your own terms).

So yeah, I believe that Copy is either one of those four songs (then imagine the other three??!!) or was written around the 1st of October date.

---End of the Intermission---

Then not much important (other than sharing more about Marcus Rashford fight against food poverty and the 2nd merch drop) until he announced the livestream on the 24th of November. (x)

It wasn’t until a few days before the livestream date we even thought again about new music (jk, I know we’re always thinking about new Louis’ music). So, December 9th/10th, 2020. Nine months ago. We got our first taste of new music!

He made sure we knew Copy of a Copy of a Copy isn't a cover! (x) (x)

(x)

Ok, so that’s it for 2020. (I feel like I’m missing something from September 17th because tweet was deleted but maybe he was still talking about cucumbers. We might never know. Unless I understand how Tumblr tags work). Expected, cause Walls was released in 2020. We needed to let it sit for a while.

2021

Another Summary: Louis third tweet of the year was telling the UK government off. So was the fifth. What a good beginning. On the 26th of January, he said he prefers pancakes over waffles. I hope he meant pancakes other than his own. More importantly, he tweeted the infamous “you lot read into things too much”. Don’t get me started, Tomlinson. Don’t. Then the 31st came around and Walls was one. He tweeted this. How wise. And Project Defenceless happened!!

15th of February!! Who cares about Valentine Day when the next day we got this? ♥

(x)

So…AN EP?? AN EP?? PLEASE RELEASE AN EP.

“I’m sure I will have something out this year but unlikely that will be the album”. Unlikely but not impossible. Also. A single would be good. This is the second time he mentions releasing something in 2021 and he sounds surer about it than the first time around.

He also said that he isn’t sure we will get a studio version of Copy. And that the best bridges from Walls to LT2 are Walls, OTB, KMM and Copy. Can’t wait!

Then we jump to March 6th when he announced he was going to create his own management company. “Sometimes action is needed first to encourage the motivation and belief”. As we can tell he was already manifesting some stuff which will lead us to the numerology stuff/Tesla… kidding. Or not. We might never know.

On the 22nd of March he answered some questions:

He told us music was still his main focus ♥ mwha. (x) I included this tweet to guilt-trip him into giving us music in case he’s reading this even after I told him to leave. ILY.

(x) I’d love to get a visual EP this autumn. Just saying. It sounds like a lovely concept.

(x)

…next (I will get into it, I promise. I’m just mad).

On the 25th he left for Mexico until April 10th. You could assume it was just for the documentary where we got ten seconds of footage or admit the obvious: LT2 its a Mexican baby!!

On the 26th (so, not so far apart from that first 369) we got the first Faith in the Future mention: (x)

Back then we were innocent people who had no idea what was coming upon us. We still have no idea because what the fuck does he mean with these. Please explain. I have one braincell and I don’t use it enough for this. I’m linking some theories.

On the 30th of March he confirmed he was already working on the documentary. So AFHF was already on the works. Will it take this long for us to get the Veeps numbers? We also got this tweet: "Got a decent chorus idea down" (x).

Same person that got the “something out this year” exclusive. If you know something share with the class. Also. Is this Change? I feel like this could be Change but I also assume he wrote Change after hanging out with his friends or being in Doncaster. But who knows.

(x) And the second mention to 369.

(x) 15th of April. The second "Faith in the future".

On the 19th of April he announced that he had something BIG for us later on the year which turned out to be the Away From Home Festival ♥♥ (x) I love him so much.

Then on the 28th he announced the 369 merch drop (which it’s probably the Walls drop? Except that the TOU and KMM ones were “drop 1 and drop 2” and this was drop 369 which, again, makes no sense) but we still don’t know what 369 means.

Into May’ 21 we go.

He rescheduled tour again. And dropped another bomb (x).

He announced he has signed with BMG as an independent artist by RTing this tweet on May 10th. The article also says that he’s already working on writing and recording LT2. The timing… we don’t know. What this deal involves… we don’t know either. Bear with me here because I have a lot to say about this.

I think the deal is only a distribution one, but that BMG are interested in Louis and what he (us) could bring to the table. They were either present at the festival or watching it, but officially they had no involvement at all with it (everything is credited either to Louis own company, 78 Productions, or Charlie Lightening’s company). That’s the case for both giveaways too; the vinyl one and the tickets for the festival.

I think it would be an unbelievably bad move not to test the waters with BMG now or soon-ish. At least a single, to see how it performs. Due to the circumstances, it’s obvious there’re certain limitations on place but I want to see how they push it, whether the radio play exist this time around and if the song is playlisted and promoted and all that… I would also love to know, since it says he signed with BMG UK, but it also states it’s a global deal, how things are going to go on the US and other countries.

Yes, yes. I know those are all questions and no answers. But I know the same as you, sadly. If any of you know more than you’re letting on… again, share with the class.

Where was I? Yes, on the 25th of May Louis had a great day writing (x). Since the first time he had mentioned he was officially writing to this date there’s almost eight months. And I believe he was writing before October’ 20.

He followed Robert Harvey that day and, on the 28th of May (why is it always the 28th???) he was spotted at the studio for the first time.

June was an interesting month for the fandom ♥. Lots of LHL content which I will love and cherish for the rest of times. On June 4th, June 9th, and June 10th he was spotted at the studio, but I believe he was there more days.

(x)

This was posted on June 6th and captioned Studio. Charlie also shared it with “Mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this @louist91 #louistomlinson #LT2” as the caption. This gives me 2019 (Elton-Joint) vibes. I like it. Feels like we’re getting closer to something.

He added the Milano date on the 9th too which I’m mentioning because I’m going alone. Anyone wanna go with me please? I’m nice and I never eat anything before a concert so you can have my food. On other news. It didn’t come home.

During July he was at the studio at least three days too. Probably more. Feels like more with all the fan pictures we got. Or was that June? Anyway, July 1st and 9th we got some videos from Robert Harvey and wearesuperhi, which is who Louis has been working with the most, that we know of. I don’t know for sure they’re from that day. And on July 5th we got an article and lots of pictures of Louis looking really good outside the studio.

On the 12th of July the first fans started getting the free, 369 bucket hat and print. We still don’t know what the purpose was other than to thanks fans. Maybe that was it. I want answers and I still think it relates to a future project (see theories above), but it could also just be a bridge with the Walls breaking.

He didn’t tweet about anything interesting for a while, mostly because he lost his phone (he either throwed it in the air or smashed it who knows). Then on the 29th of July he announced the festival!

I’m glossing over it because there’s already been a lot of talk about it (rightfully) and while it was a wonderful thing, it doesn’t have much to do with LT2.

Let’s talk Change!

On August 3rd he tweeted this about the setlist.

(x)

And this (x) on the 28th! I can’t stand him.

We didn’t get it, obviously. Because who was going to get that. But we read too much into things. Alright.

On the 16thof August Dave Gibson shared this post tagged #LT2 with the eyes emojis 👀👀👀. I believe this has to do both with Change but also with whatever else came out of that Mexico trip.

(x) Last relevant tweet related to LT2 is this one.

So, on the 30th of August we got Change and we cried, and we know that Change is going in the new album. He said it. With those exact words. He also said he was “getting a feeling for it”. This has to meant he already has a general idea of the vibe of the new album and what’s going in it!!!!!! (Right? RIGHT?).

Anyway, let’s go back a few weeks because some other things happened on August. He was at the studio a few more times. Or it was suggested that he was there. On the 17th and the 18th. (Why was it so time-pressing to be at the studio instead of rehearsing for the festival? There was no studio at all on the documentary. Which makes sense, but again, then why?).

On the day of the festival we got another mention of Faith in The Future that made me feel part of a cult ngl. The words were flashing on the screen for less than a second. Okay.

And then he tweeted those words again after watching the livestream/documentary on the 4th of September (x). This is what makes me suspect it's either the name of the album or of the single.

On the same day, we got some interesting quotes about LT2 on the documentary.

“Soon I’ll have to think about me second album, which in my head I’ll get the tour out of the way and then I’ll address that. So, I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest”.

“When every day is the same is hard to feel creative and it’s hard to have any kind of proper inspiration”.

“As season started to come back, I started writing again and it was great and some of these songs turned out alright”.

And I think this is it. I might be overlooking some important details but that’s what we know and what we don’t know.

So. Conclusions. That’s what you missed on Glee. I do believe the album is, if not mostly done, partially there. And yes, this post is pointless and never-ending but it’s all in here if you need to tell Louis “Hey, you said this, mate”.

#LT2 #Louis Tomlinson #Faith in The future #369 #Louis #LT #new music #idk what this is #but it's long #pinned

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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 3 years

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Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

#ultimate note #whomst #wu xie #dmbj #the lost tomb #pingxie #iron triangle

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kimberly-spirits13 · 4 years

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Right Hand Man (Loyal to the End) Pt. 4

Pairing: Damian Wayne x reader

Synopsis: You were like Talia’s daughter. The only thing was that you weren’t and instead, you had grown up in the foster care system and at a young age were taken by and personally trained by Talia. Along the way, you meet Damian and the two of you start to work side by side and eventually, after some time become closer and closer. However, when disaster in the league strikes, you face balancing an old, forgotten life as a normal child and the burden of right hand to the demon heir.

Note: I know that this is long and that there are a good number of time skips, but I didn’t want to make this into a series and just wanted it as a long fic because .... well because I can lol Also, I didn’t want to have Damian so young in this so just go with it. I’m thinking maybe early 15 or almost 16 at the most. Idk I just don’t like writing for young Dami.

Warnings: mentions of murder, blood, brief mentions of torture but not for long

Word Count: 2587

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

The sun shinned brightly overhead in the cloudless sky. It was a warm day, nothing unbearable however. A light breeze flew through the training ground as all seemed unusually calm. Everyone was focused on their training. You and Damian were well underway in sparring. You were on your highest guard. The ease of today was not going to throw you off your game. Trusting your instincts, you kept an eye out for anything that was off balance.

“The only thing besides your mission and daily tasks you should be concerned with, is the safety of my son, the heir to the League. There is no true telling information on what will happen so keep on your highest guard.” You thought about Talia’s words from a few weeks ago, repeating them in your mind, “General. That is the position you have been given. That is not however your only job. Your main, most important job is to be my son’s second hand. If something were to ever happen to myself or The Demon Head, I fully expect you to stay with Damian over everything. Do not make me regret my decision in picking you off the ground of that orphanage.”

“Is something on your mind?” Damian asked saying the last part softly enough so no one else would hear, “You’re more intense than usual today.”

“I am fine.” You answered knocking him to the ground before he kicked you down getting the upper hand.

“You don’t seem it General.”

You cocked a brow before getting in position to knock him off. The sound of something flying quickly for you caught your attention though. With wide eyes, you saw an arrow. Looking around there were hundreds. Going into a more intense version of a mission mindset, you rolled over taking Damian under you, moving in time as to not be hit by the arrow.

“Get behind me.” You demanded standing up.

“Get behind you?” Damian was in disbelief at the look on your face.

“That’s an order!” You quickly took the man coming for you down, stabbing him in his lower abdomen region before pulling your sword out and killing another assailant, blood splattering on your face much to Damian’s shock.

Damian looked to where his mother and grandfather was and stopped seeing his grandfather bleeding out on the floor. You saw this too. Kicking into high gear, the words of Talia played faster and louder in your mind taking over all of your thoughts. Everyone not in proper league attire was now a target and threat. You had your route in mind and took it.

“Fallen is the Ra’s al Ghul.” You said quietly in respect, “I stay till the end.”

Damian had seen you fight aggressively before. It was amazing to watch. This time though, there was a sense of something that he couldn’t quite pick up. Watching you, he saw you must have planned for this countless numbers of times.

You nodded at Talia who returned the signal before taking the bow and arrows of the man you just killed and shooting it at anyone who dared to come close, “Follow me.” You ordered

Running in front of Damian, you took the heavier side of the arrows. You were both in your armor which wouldn’t be susceptible to arrows that easily, you just weren’t taking the chance of it failing though. Once you were out of arrows, you threw the extras at anyone who was in your way. Damian would have found that amusing if you weren’t so serious.

You ran through the hallway and then down another. Damian didn’t know where you were going but from what he was seeing, it was to the pit. Once you were down the stairs and then hall that would take you to the pit, you stopped and looked around before opening up a hidden door in the wall’s decorative moulding.

“H-how did you-“

“No time for questions, get in.” You hissed pulling him in by his wrist before shutting the door

You pulled him into another room down the long and confusing hallway maze that was built to get people lost in case they followed this far.

“Don’t lose me al Ghul.” You commanded running into the middle of the maze before heading out of another secret passage.

“That’s not the plan General.”

Once entering the last room, Damian saw the jet that was in the middle of a new room that you’d come into.

“What is this place?” He asked once you were both in the jet waiting for Talia, “And why don’t I know about it and you do?”

There was an envelope that was a note from Talia to Bruce incase she died. It was to tell him about you and Damian. Apparently, there was something in there that would convince him that you two were legit. Though, you never asked. When it came to Talia and the birth of Damian, you didn’t ask questions.

“Answer me Y/N!” he demanded once you didn’t answer as you were busy at the controls.

“Do not raise your voice at me.” You said in a deep, ominous tone making him blink a few times, “Talia and I knew that one day there might be a time that the compound would be taken over or just attacked. We knew that the league depended on your survival. It was important to have a place that I could take you in case something did happen.” “If she doesn’t show in 10 minutes or we are attacked between that time, I am expected to fly to Gotham City and take you to your father.”

“You will take me to the Batman?” He almost stated instead of asking.

“Who else?” You remarked rolling your eyes a bit.

_______________________________________________________________________

The ten minutes had passed and Talia was flying the jet to Gotham. No one spoke for the first half of the flight. There was too much to think about for conversation. Damian sat in the back as you and Talia took to flying the jet. Night was falling upon the oncoming city. Talia had already contacted Bruce and you were expected shortly.

“I do not know when I will see you next.” Talia said addressing the both of you, “Stay with Bruce until I come back.”

In a dialect Damian didn’t understand, Talia spoke to you, “General, I will send updates on occasion. You know your mission.”

“Yes Talia.”

_______________________________________________________________________

You and Damian entered the building behind Talia. She was in front of him while you were behind. Damian knew that this was for a reason but he knew better than to say anything. The three of you headed into an elevator and then up a few floors. Talia was determined to be there before Bruce and have the two of you hidden away. Placing you two behind the curtain you stayed silent.

“You’ve got blood on your jawline.” Damian commented very quietly.

You looked at him for a second before trying to rub as much of it off as possible before braiding your hair over the spot so that it wouldn’t be seen. There was no reason to cause any more concern than what there would be. The two of you exchanged glances upon hearing Bruce’s voice. You heard Talia talk about her scans and Damian. Bruce obviously didn’t know that he existed. Knowing that that would bother Damian, you placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder for a second before the curtain was pulled back.

“This is your son, Damian and his right hand, Y/N L/N.” Talia said leaving Bruce shocked, “She is not your daughter, I found her in an orphanage when she was a small child. She is however a high general and will not leave Damian’s side.” Talia more demanded than informed the last part.

Damian walked to his father, “The great Batman... I imagined you taller.”

You almost rolled your eyes at that one, typical Damian.

More discussion between Talia and Bruce took place before Damian told her goodbye a last time. She turned to you not really expecting anything but a nod. Instead you repeated what you said on the training field.

“Fallen is the Ra’s al Ghul.” “I stay till the end.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Bruce wasn’t much of a talker, you didn’t mind until getting into the Batmoblie. That was going to be a bit more awkward.

“I’m taking you two back to the manor. I expect you to act civil while I’m on patrol.”

You nodded thinking Damian might possibly do the same.

“I’ll drive.” He instead said.

You tried not to facepalm, instead pinching the bridge of your nose for a second.

“No.” Batman replied.

“I know how!” He insisted.

“I don’t care.”

Damian got into the front seat with you in the back. You didn’t mind sitting back there if it wasn’t for the constant glares you were getting from Bruce at times. He didn’t trust you and you didn’t blame him. Maybe giving your title and position wasn’t a great idea on Talia’s part. You just weren’t sure anymore. After the entire talk of not killing and rules in the house, you just wanted to arrive and were beyond relived when you finally did. Damian of course asked the more condescending questions once he was in the cave. You found the tech impressive whether it was small or not compared to what you thought. It was very... on brand as some might say. You also didn’t mind just having the one Butler. It made you feel better just be able to be a bit normal and do things yourself.

Before Bruce was about to get back into the Batmobile you stopped him.

“I have direct orders from Talia to give this to you.” You passed him the envelope.

“Thank you.” He raised a brow, “I trust that you are loyal to your position?”

“I am not high general anymore.” You said making Bruce pause, “Not until or if I return to the league. My only mission now is protecting Damian. Where he goes, I go. Where he stays, I stay. Where he might die, I am prepared and expected to take his place. I am loyal to that.” “It has been this way since I was brought to the league and will stay this way for the rest of our lives.”

“I respect that.”

When Bruce left, Alfred took you and Damian up to your rooms. Alfred said little but did reply a “Yes Master Bruce.” Into a comm that he had in his ear. The rooms were right next to each other which was nice. You suspected that was on purpose. Maybe Bruce was going to respect your position. You only had your suit to sleep in. It was a bit ... bloody though. You cursed under your breath in Arabic looking in the mirror and seeing it. That must have been what you were getting looks for besides the intense glares you were given back. You were about to wash your face even if it was just with water and hand soap, as much as that made you cringe, before a knock at your door stopped you.

You walked to the bedroom door and opened the door revealing Alfred.

“For tonight, I have only this set of nightclothes from Miss. Barbra Gordon, a family friend. Tomorrow I shall have new clothes for you in a suitable fashion.” He passed you the neatly folded stack of clothes, “There are toiletries in the bathroom under the faucet.”

“Thank you. It is greatly appreciated.” You said taking the stack from him.

“You are welcome.” He paused, “If you would prefer, I may be able to arrange a trip with Miss. Gordon and Miss. Brown. They are both heavily involved with the family.” “I have also already informed the young Master Damian that there are three others here. Master Dick, the oldest, Master Jason, and Master Tim. I expect the best behavior from all of them.”

You knew what he meant by that which was intentional and nodded at his words.

“That would be suitable.”

Alfred wished you a goodnight you shut the door, before taking a shower and properly washing your face. The clothes that you were now in were very comfortable. You knew that they were second used but you were used to it. Right now, they reminded you of the nightclothes you wore when you were young and still moving from house to house. You never had proper attire until the league and then even then, that was far from normal. Only on some missions would you wear “normal clothes”.

_______________________________________________________________________

Once you were out of the shower, you had gotten into bed. The gold necklace from your parents that Talia had let you keep was still on. You didn’t really want to take it off tonight. While Damian had you, you only really had the necklace as a kind of good luck charm no matter how cliché that might sound to some. Before you could actually get into bed, there was a knock. You didn’t really know who to expect at this point but weren’t surprised to see Damian.

“Damian...” You stepped aside to let him inside.

“L/N, I must address something with you.” He said, “You kept a secret from me. Something that could have ended my life.” “Why?”

“I gave my word I would.” You answered honestly, “Talia told me-“

“I don’t care what my mother told you.” He raised his voice some, “You’ve known that this might happen for weeks and didn’t say a word. Grandfather could still be alive if you had said something.”

“It was on my word, of course I wasn’t going to say anything demon.” You were upset with him now.

“I don’t care about that! What if something had happened more? You and I both know that the league is probably in shambles right now and you did nothing!”

“I did everything I was supposed to Damian!” You said making him step back, “What you saw was years of training. Ra’s al Ghul wouldn’t be saved by my words. He knew. Talia knew. I knew that something was wrong. When I told you to keep on your highest guard, I meant it. I said nothing because if I did we’d be in a worse situation now. I take my commands, I take them and I follow through with them. I was not the second hand of your grandfather. I am your second hand. If I was anything different, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You may question as much as you want, however do not dare question my loyalties or actions.”

“When Talia picked me off of that floor of the orphanage, I gave her my word I’d follow through with anything she told me. I’ve been trained for the worst. I’ve been trained to die for you. So, don’t ever think that you even have any right to judge what I’m doing.” You glared at him waiting for him to speak.

“Y/N I didn’t know-“

“Just leave. I don’t want to continue this conversation anymore. If it is still a concern to you, we’ll talk in the morning.”

You watched him leave and shut the door behind him before falling back onto the bed and passing out from the sudden wave of exhaustion washing over you. No one knew what tomorrow would bring. The only thing you knew was that it was coming like a train ready to run you right over if you weren’t careful.

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ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff · 4 years

Text

Between Bars (Spencer Reid x OC)

Summary: Spencer is wrongfully arrested for murder and placed in Millburn Correctional Facility awaiting trial. While he attempts to survive until his friends can prove his innocence, his cellmate Oscar has an unexpected effect on Spencer during their time inside together.

AN: Thank you to @april-14-blog, @zhuzhubii, and @imagining-in-the-margins for your unwavering attention and support while writing this.

I’m writing another post-prison Spencer fic but idk when it’s coming out. I’m still caring for my dad and prepping for my nan’s funeral.

To the anon who asked for an Emily Prentiss x Trans!Male reader smut, it’s in the works I promise!!

Word count: 11k words

Content warning: Usual criminal minds violence, character death, spoilers for season 12, threats of violence, stabbing, PTSD, mentions of battery, mentions of panic attacks. Let me know if I’ve missed anything.

Masterlist // AO3 Link

“My last roommate got shanked.”

Spencer struggled for a second to keep his composure. The cell door slid shut with a loud buzzer and a clank of hollow metal.

His cellmate, in that identical grey jumpsuit, was tucked up on the bottom bunk with a book in one hand and a green crayon in the other. He was underlining something. Once he was done, his eye lifted off the page. They just as devoid of emotion as his opener was. That scared Spencer more, that this man had clearly spent a long time in here being dehumanised to the point where he held about the emotional range of a mannequin.

But at least he wasn’t violent. Yet.

Spencer approached the foot of his bed. His hands, one of them still sore from the cut on the palm, placed his belongings there. A tremble ran through them when his cellmate moved out of his line of sight; the sudden thought of being stabbed through the underside of his bunk kept him standing for now.

“I’m not gonna shank you.”

Spencer’s shoulders squared, “Ok.”

“Name’s Oscar.”

“Spencer Reid.”

“Welcome to hell, Spencer Reid.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

His chore was laundry. It was somewhere without sharp objects, which meant inmates brought their own. Spencer was doing his best to walk the balance between standing his ground and not making himself a target. But apparently there was no such line to follow and no help from his cellmate, sifting through his own cart of laundry on the other side of the room.

That was until the inmates began taunting Spencer over his belongings.

“Excuse me.”

The crowd immediately parted to make way for Oscar, whose unflinching gaze pushed them further back.

“Thank you,” he said in the same empty tone. His very deliberate stare landed on Spencer as he passed and collected a pile of towels from the table at the room’s centre. The group around them dispersed and remained so even as Oscar returned to his station.

Oscar’s hands weren’t shaking before then. Now, certainly, as he stuffed bedsheets into the giant machine, a tremble ran through his arms and stuck in his wrists.

Spencer didn’t comment, not even that evening as he climbed onto his bunk, his back pressed hard against the wall. His knees pulled close acted as a desk for his journal. His pen scribbled away long after lights out, putting down his thoughts, his innocence, trapping his worries onto the paper. It was too long until his next evaluation. His notebook was his only confidant now.

A creak beneath him stilled his hand, and he felt himself freeze as the shadow of Oscar rose up from his bunk. One of his hands was behind his back. Spencer’s feet dug into the mattress and forced him hard against the concrete. His eyes flinched shut as Oscar brought his hand out. But they opened as soon as they were closed and they were met with surprise.

In Oscar’s palm sat a red crayon.

“You’ll wanna swap to this,” He said with such a softness that Spencer spent the next ten seconds processing it. His incessant blinking did nothing to clear up what was happening.

Eventually he said an equally quiet voice, “Why?”

Oscar’s shoulders shrugged an inch, the tension he held in them inflexible, “Worst you can get from this is a bruise.”

Slowly, Spencer accepted the crayon with his left hand and rolled the pencil around in the right. “What should I do with this?”

“Hide it.” And Oscar disappeared from view.

Spencer ran his finger over the tip of the crayon before he dragged it across the paper. It would suffice for now. Maybe he could ask one of his friends to send some his way in their next letter. If they weren’t too busy trying to solve his case.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

JJ’s presence was the most welcomed part of Spencer’s life here. But he almost hated it.

Opposite him, always several inches between them as well as a divider, JJ holding up one of Henry’s drawings but unable to hand it over to him, it drove him insane. The constant reminders on the walls – and often barked by guards – not to touch coated their conversation. JJ didn’t ask about the bruises from his most recent beating. She answered Spencer’s queries, updating him on his case.

Spencer tried very hard not to sound so eager about getting out. His hopes were already dashed to pieces; the fragments were just holding on. He needed that hope to survive but if it grew too strong, it would destroy him.

For half a second, his attention was drawn out of the goodbye to see Oscar nearby. He was standing before another visitor’s table and a young woman who had the same nose as him on the other side.

He missed JJ’s hugs. He longed for one long after she had disappeared from view, shuffling along with the rest of them towards the refectory.

A commotion erupted up ahead. Spencer watched with masked reverence and the rest of the line as Oscar remained unflinching in the volume of the guard’s shouting. Even when he got right up in Oscar’s face, Oscar was stoic as spittle sprayed across his face. Moment after the guard walked away, Oscar wiped his face clean, a terrifyingly neutral expression held together.

Once lunch was done, Spencer re-joined with his new friend Luis in the laundry room, who was still not over Spencer’s injuries. There was something else that Spencer wanted to talk about.

“Do you know much about…” Spencer dropped his voice to barely a whisper, “Oscar?”

Luis looked at Oscar with the subtlety of an elephant seal then back to Spencer to deliver his answer, “He’s gone after people in the prison, but nothing ever gets tied to him.”

And Luis proved his point when Oscar pressed his hands against the stab wound in Luis’ neck, a futile attempt to save his life after Frazier and Duerson’s failed recruiting of Spencer. Oscar fled the scene without consequence, leaving Spencer in the pool of blood, and he never once tripped on his alibi or took off his armour. Not even when Spencer spoke at him about it before lights out.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

But Spencer found a chink in the armour.

Oscar’s sleeping problems were apparent throughout the night. If his offering of a crayon earlier hadn’t been enough evidence, the yawning and tossing about the bottom bunk. Spencer knew why Oscar was awake too. He wasn’t the type to stay awake to ensure his continued survival. Insomnia was a symptom that Spencer was starting to show too. He had been struggling to rest while he gathered the aforementioned evidence. For some reason, it brought him a slither of comfort, because it made Oscar more human.

Another was the letters he had in his pillow case – the most obvious place to hide something, therefore the least obvious? Reverse psychology aside, some nights featured the rustling of paper

Work in the laundry room continued as if there wasn’t a man murdered in it just days before. Oscar was reinforcing the contrast between yesterday and now with a faint hum. He was clearly a little more comfortable since it was just him and Spencer in the room.

Spencer’s mind pulled up Howl’s Moving Castle which he watched with Penelope. Oh, Penelope. With her bright colours and optimism. It was not a film he pictured Oscar to be a fan of. But he hardly knew him, and he wanted to.

“What song is that?”

Oscar shrugged. A huff forced itself out of his nose. “Don’t remember.”

“It sounds nice.”

He huffed again, clearly closing the conversation. Spencer counted in items he tossed into the machine, flinching still at the marks on the bedsheets. His eye avoided them but landed on the dark patch of concrete where Luis had bled out.

“Oscar, why did you defend me last week?” Spencer asked.

“I don’t know.” The irritable edge in his voice prevailed the more he spoke, “But you owe me so consider this: don’t be a mule for them.”

It was an almost anger that Spencer felt at this request. Surely Oscar would understand, of all people, after being in here that:

“They’ll kill me if I don’t.”

Oscar sighed and turned his back to Spencer, no longer humming. Spencer felt a twang in his gut pluck away at his rage. But he also felt satisfaction in the fact that he had gotten Oscar to crack again. Not in a malevolent way, he felt like he was getting Oscar to open up more and more.

“I’m doing what I need to survive,” Spencer added. For his sake, maybe, but he knew it was a little more reassurance for Oscar.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

“I am innocent.”

“You’re gonna get killed if you keep saying that so loud.”

Spencer stopped speaking, but he kept moving about the floor space of the cell. The worst part was the walk up to the bars. But, with his notebook confiscated, he had no other outlet and he made sure that Oscar knew this as well.

“It keeps me grounded, reminds me of who I am.”

Oscar didn’t say anything about Spencer’s incessant pacing, simply turning a page in his new book, “That must be nice.”

With a deep breath of stale prison air, Spencer’s speed grew erratic until he very nearly kicked at the bars in frustration. He stopped himself just as the instruction reached the surgery scars on his knee. It stung as he jumped up into his bunk and squeezed his knees to his chest, his arms shaking with the pressure he put on them.

“How many years do you have to go?” He said quietly.

“Half a year until an appeal, six years if I serve the rest of my sentence. You?”

“My trial has been postponed. I was offered a plea deal. But-” Spencer stopped to swallow, a pitiful attempt against the absolute Sahara that was his mouth “- But I didn’t do it.”

His hand pushed the heel of his palm into his eye. The other screwed itself shut as his mind zeroed in on his actions. When Spencer’s hand lifted away, Oscar was standing up in front of him. His white shirt was on show, the top half of his jumpsuit rolled down with the arms tied around his waist. He was stretching his arms up, and his head was tilted a few inches to the left as he watched Spencer with a blank face.

No, not blank.

Open.

Then his stoicism clouded over and Oscar dropped his arms. “Nice rehearsal for the jury.”

Spencer’s irritation became inflamed, “That kind of attitude might get you a badge of honour here-”

“This kind of attitude,” Oscar interrupted, and immediately Spencer regretted his words, “Has helped me survive here. I suggest you stop running your mouth if you wanna do the same.”

The burst of anger fizzled out fast like a firework, and Spencer watched Oscar disappear out of sight with a dull thud on his mattress. But before he could, Spencer had noticed that Oscar’s hands were shaking again, just like he hadn’t seen since the fight in the laundry room – the first one.

Spencer’s hands gripping his shins, he worried that he had lost another… friend? Ally? He didn’t really know what to use as a description for their relationship but Spencer knew what he wanted. Least of all, he wanted Oscar to be upset with him.

“Oscar?”

Nothing. Spencer slipped off the bed and pressed his back against the wall, sinking down until he was on the ground. His eyes were on Oscar, who was staring without seeing Spencer opposite him. Nevertheless, Spencer stayed in his sight and asked a tentative question.

“What’s the first thing you want to do when you get out?”

Oscar blinked and his gaze shifted a millimetre to Spencer and his peace offering. Then Spencer saw it. A quiver of Oscar’s bottom lip, then it shifted and Spencer noticed that Oscar was biting the inside to stop his reaction taking over any more of himself.

When his mouth opened, it released a sigh before he spoke. “Hug my mom.”

Spencer nodded, the stuffiness of his throat returning as he fought to keep back tears, “Me too.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

It was an attempt to get Frazier and Duerson off Spencer’s back. Maybe to stop him from taking the drugs himself. The temptation was certainly lingering stronger, with the promise of a temporary respite.

But now the prison was locked down. Shaw, along with four other inmates, were isolated in the infirmary. These were far from innocent men but God that didn’t mean what he had done was right.

He’d done it to survive, but it was still all his fault.

“What’s up with you?”

The gate to their cell sliding shut behind Oscar. He stared at Spencer sat in the bottom bunk, his head in his hands. Footsteps echoed down the corridor before another buzzer and another gate opened then shut again. They were far from alone, the concrete providing an illusion that there wasn’t an endless tunnel with two men per cage.

“Spencer.”

He stood up, dropping the grip from his hair. His ears tuned into the noise from other prisoners. What he wouldn’t give for some silence right now.

“The poisonings were my fault.”

All air sucked from Spencer’s lungs as Oscar was suddenly upon him. He was smacked against the wall, Oscar’s hand over his mouth, his forearm pinning him into place. Spencer let out a cross between a gulp and a sob, caught into his throat as Oscar harshly shushed him. Spencer’s eyes looked around Oscar terrified, he struggled against him.

Oscar’s voice rasped with a spitting disgust, “You’re really fucking stupid!”

And he slammed his weight against Spencer again, his breathing heavy, his pupils dilated, “Don’t you fucking dare repeat that to anyone.”

Spencer’s head knocked against the resolute wall when Oscar shoved him once more, stepping back and creating distance between them. With the ache at the back of his skull, Spencer stared dazedly at his cellmate.

Oscar’s voice matched his haggard appearance when he said, “You’re a dead man, Spencer.”

The intimacy of his name striking right at his heart, Spencer worried that he would join Oscar in tears. But there was no time; a guard rattled his baton against the bars.

“What’s going on in there?” He bellowed into the cell.

Oscar clenched his jaw, “Nothing.”

Then he reclaimed his bunk and faced the wall.

“Into bed, inmate!”

Sparing a glance to the vulnerable position Oscar was laying in, unable to receive the look of gratitude, Spencer got into his bunk. The silence he wished for enveloped him and he longed for it to vanish.

He pressed his palm against his lips. It wasn’t the same as when Oscar did it.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

His second meeting with Dr. Tara Lewis revealed that Spencer had manufactured his own memory and that he had been coerced. But the BAU needed proof of his innocence, and Spencer resumed his waiting game in the yard.

Oscar was taking a new route around the edge of the wire fencing as opposed to spending his free time in the gym. His shoes scuffed in the dirt, no doubt rubbing a blister into his heel (based on his gait), and his step weaved around the groups to avoid interacting with anyone. Wordlessly, Spencer joined him. Oscar looked at him but didn’t speak.

Spencer’s session with Tara had brought forward a question he had considered asking before. Tara had spoken about his mother, how life was before prison. Spencer missed being known, knowing someone. The rawness of that need hung off his frame with his jumpsuit. Oscar was probably still pissed off with him. But God, Spencer needed to cease this withdrawal from human contact more than anything.

“What did you do, Oscar?” He asked under his breath, “To get into prison?”

“I knew a guy; he was the worst kind of person to get caught up with. He did some things to me. So I beat him up, and I cut his pecker off.”

It all sounded so very rehearsed, and Spencer wondered if Oscar had been planning what to say since they first met. The two men continued to walk in step until eventually Oscar broke the silence.

“Yours isn’t on my to-do list.” The left corner of his mouth twitched as he spoke

Spencer lifted his stare from Oscar’s mouth, hoping the heat around them would mask his blush, “Did he die?”

“No,” Oscar ironed his lips back into a straight line, “Unfortunately.”

“You don’t regret it.”

“No.”

“Thank you for not telling the guard what I did.”

“What did I say about repeating it?”

Spencer pressed his chin into his chest, forcing his mouth shut. It naturally deflected the glares that were aimed in his direction from other prisoners as he and Oscar sat down at an empty table.

“It seems I only give you grief.”

But Spencer’s pity was cut short by that touch of a smile on Oscar’s face returning, “Your company somewhat makes up for it.”

The distractions ended. Spencer was once again aware that there was very little he could do in this place. He restrained his yearning to hold Oscar’s hand across the table, to feel his tender palm again, until he was back in his bunk with an entire night to think about what it might be like in a situation where Oscar wasn’t threatening him into silence.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

It was going to be another sleepless night.

Spencer reached his arm out of his foetal position and over the edge of his bunk. Oscar was likely still awake; Spencer was hoping that Oscar would ask him about what was up, like he usually did. Like he already had after Spencer’s mother had visited with her new care assistant.

As he waited, Spencer sniffed back his tears. He didn’t want anyone to see him cry, even if tears were supposed to be good for the skin – God knows his skin needed it after all that Dial soap. The red eyes were already hard enough to hide without the addition of damp cheeks. Grief weighed down his eyelids, but fear kept opening them – just in case.

Then five calloused fingertips touched the back of his hand. Spencer gripped the air, his wrist bringing his hand an inch in. But as the fingertips spread across his skin, he allowed them to continue. Oscar’s mattress groaned below him and his fingers linked with Spencer’s. The thumb wrapped around to press into Spencer’s palm.

Spencer almost whined when Oscar snatched his hand away, but a split second later his stomach dropped at the sound of a clatter down the hall.

Minutes passed like hours before the bottom bunk let out a familiar creak of Oscar rising from it. He rested his forearms against Spencer’s mattress, right beside Spencer’s outstretched arm. Goosebumps rose and the hairs stood on end, coaxing Oscar closer.

With a quick glance at the bars, Oscar whispered, “Your friends will get you out. They’ll help your mom.”

Spencer sniffed, “What happened to being a dead man?”

“I don’t think you – or your friends - are going to let that happen.”

“What about you?”

“I guess I could fall under ‘ally’ for once.”

“What if I wanted you to be something else?” Spencer’s arm shifted and his hand brushed their knuckles against Oscar’s stubbly cheek.

Oscar hinted at tilting his head against him, and Spencer couldn’t help but press a little firmer as Oscar said, “You should sleep.”

“I can’t.”

Oscar’s finger stretching out to brush the crook of Spencer’s elbow, “Me neither.”

Nevertheless, Oscar let Spencer go and got back down into his bunk just moments later.

Both men pretended to sleep until the fantasy became real. The whole time, Spencer was thinking about how hearing faith in his team from someone who had never met them – or even displayed an ounce of hope within his entire relationship with him – meant so much.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Spencer had a new wall to force his back against. His left leg was not in a state to keep him taut against it, the throbbing ache a poor disturbance from his thoughts. Time, time, all he had was time to think and do nothing else.

About how his occupation in the government was leaked to what felt like the entire prison population.

How the note with the promise of invading solitary confinement lay screwed up by the door.

How Shaw had threatened him before bawling like a baby when the guards tackled him for stabbing Spencer.

How Oscar, with his jaw slack and eyes glassy, was outlined in Spencer’s blurring vision.

Oh, Oscar. Shoved back by inmates in the scuffle before he disappeared from view. He was only there because Shaw had made the first move. Spencer had seen Oscar reach into his pocket as he crept behind Shaw. No regard for his own safety. That was when Spencer grabbed Shaw’s hand and manipulated it into plunging his shiv into his leg and arm.

The night before, Oscar had been quiet, and Spencer figured that he had learnt that Spencer was an FBI agent. No chat before bed, Oscar just curled up under his blanket and read until lights out.

Spencer was patient. He waited long into the night before bringing out his toothbrush. There was no time for resting now; he scrapped the end of the brush against the edge of the bunk frame. Flakes of plastic snowed down onto the concrete floor, but he didn’t get out to sweep them beneath the beds just yet. That was a job for the morning – if it came.

Suddenly Oscar popped into his field of view.

“It’s better if you do it like this,” He said, taking Spencer’s hand in his and demonstrating the direction with which to carve his shiv, “And make sure you – never mind.”

“What?”

“Forget it. You’re a fed. They probably trained you with this shit.”

He took himself away and Spencer swallowed hard, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“I’m not. Means you’re learning to protect yourself. I’m more grateful for that.”

Spencer’s hand still tingled from the way Oscar held it. The simplest of touches grounded him, and it was almost as if Oscar knew that. When they were called to lunch by the alarm, filing out of the laundry room, Oscar had gone out of his way to walk by Spencer and brush their hands together. Not a single break in his stride, the touch was brief but it breathed a sigh of courage into Spencer’s lungs and he went into the refectory calmer.

He bit the inside of his cheek, willing away the stinging of tears with his head leaning back against the wall.

His palms flattened against his legs as he heard the key turn in the door. His eyes watched it creak open, revealing a guard

“Get up.”

Wincing, Spencer moved off the pathetic excuse for a bed, “Where am I going?”

No answer.

Spencer shuffled through the hallway with dread weighing each step down. The last fragment of hope was waning, but he clung to it as he was shoved into an empty room. Even as the guard closed the door behind him and his ever-vigilant eye was stuck on the glass of the window, Spencer held that hope close as he waited for someone to come in. While not necessarily a believer, he called to anyone - who might hear a sinner’s prayer - that he could touch Oscar once more before he was killed.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

It had been a long time since Spencer had sat on this side of the table. On the job, visiting a suspect or informant in a case, but now his entire perspective had shifted.

He wondered if any of the guards recognised him now that he had a suit, a visitor’s badge, and a few extra pounds around his middle.

An instinct, he flinched at the buzzer. The memory had tormented him for weeks and hearing it fresh and raw against his eardrums was worse. Steps sloped into the room in a dull out-of-sync march. The prisoners found their allotted tables one by one, some with enthusiasm and others without.

Oscar dragged the chair across the floor before taking his place opposite Spencer.

“Hello.”

Spencer was completely torn between smiling at his presence – his voice – and keeping a composure so as not to draw attention from other prisoners. “Hello.”

Oscar wrapped his arms in each other, elbows pointed on the table, “Did you get to hug your mom?”

It was hard to forget the grip on Diana’s frail body, the relief seeping through Spencer’s body at her safe recovery.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Good. I’m glad she’s ok.”

“She’s in a facility now, being taken care of full time. Did you get my letters?”

“I did, thank you. And did you get mine?”

“Yes. How is your new cellmate?”

“Some dipshit in for possession. Nothing to worry about.”

Oscar’s fingers tapped on the table, and Spencer could see them trembling still. He nodded; his mouth pressed into a line. He couldn’t think of what else to say despite his many rehearsals beforehand. It felt wrong to talk about being out of prison, like dangling a bit of bacon in front of a dog before popping it into one’s mouth.

So he went straight for the jugular, “I’m getting you out, Oscar.”

Oscar frowned, looking almost offended. “Don’t say that.”

But Spencer continued, “I’ve spoken with your lawyer, Zoe; she’s got all this stuff ready for your appeal.”

“Spencer.”

“Your family completely support what we’re doing. I’ve spoken to them over the phone.”

“They wanna meet with me and your lawyer, properly coordinate. We can do this!”

“Spencer, stop!”

Said person stopped relaying his grand plans for the future. Oscar had barely raised his voice but he caught the attention of the nearby guards, already reaching for their belts. Oscar’s nostrils flared as he exhaled, his eyes not even crossing the threshold that separated him from Spencer.

His voice caught in his throat, “Stop it now. Don’t give me hope.”

Spencer blinked. A second time, a third, then he frowned right back at Oscar bewildered.

“Why won’t you let me fight for you?”

He didn’t get an answer immediately, so he kept talking.

“You fought for me, Oscar. You kept me alive in here. Let me do the same, get you out. You can’t stay here!”

It started subtle. But Spencer saw Oscar shaking his head at his words. He refused Spencer any more eye contact, not even when Spencer begged Oscar to look at him so that they could talk more about the upcoming appeal.

The buzzer sounded again and Spencer began to panic as Oscar rose from his seat. No way was their time up already. An urge to reach across, grab Oscar’s hand, make him stay, shot through him. It only stopped because he didn’t want some desperate grab to be the last touch between them. He tried to call after him, but his voice stuck in his throat at the sight of a baton being used to force Oscar into the queue.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Spencer had walked the paths of the bullpen thrice now: once to get coffee, second to “get the right form”, and the last time he didn’t say why to his curious colleagues. Clearly none of those were the true reason but they left him alone. That was their problem. They never spoke to each other about what was wrong until it was too late.

The second his phone rang, he lunged for it. His slim fingers scrabbled to slide across the answer button and bring it up to his ear.

“Hello!” Instantaneously, his shoulders slumped and he pinched the bridge of his nose, “Sorry for shouting. Look, I’m waiting on an important call, can I ring you back?”

Before the caller had time to respond, Spencer slammed the phone face down and began his route again, leaving it on the desk so that he wasn’t constantly checking the screen.

“Have you ever seen him so attached to a piece of technology?” Luke grinned at JJ.

“Never.”

“This con must be something.”

The phone went off again when Spencer was getting another mug of coffee. Its ringtone was loud but not loud enough to reach the break room.

Simmons raised his voice ever so slightly, “Spencer! Phone!”

A ceramic clashed with a sideboard, and Spencer appeared, his hip clipping Luke’s desk on the way over. In his frenzy, he found the wherewithal to check the caller ID before he answered, “Tony?”

Spencer had already begun powerwalking out of the bullpen, but he stopped when he heard a cry from Eliza in the background.

His friends and co-workers watched his expression falter from focus to frustration.

“I’m sorry.” His voice failed him, clearing it, “I’m sorry, Tony, for you and your family. Can I call you back?”

This time, he waited for confirmation and he stayed on the phone for half a minute longer to reassure the Dunnagan family on the other end that he would not give up. Once the call dropped, the phone did too – against the desk. Spencer folded his arms in on himself. His fingers were bent into claws, digging into the creases of his elbows. Upon realising what they were doing, he covered his face as if to weep, but there were no tears.

“Spencer.” JJ touched his shoulder

“The appeal didn’t even have the chance to be unsuccessful,” He dragged his hands across his face into prayer, “Oscar cancelled the hearing this morning without telling us.”

He swallowed back the lump in his throat, “I don’t think I can be alone right now. Can I stay at yours and Will’s tonight?”

“Of course,” JJ’s hand smoothed out a wrinkle on his suit jacket.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Upon entering the attorney’s office, Spencer was embraced by Dakota. Eliza kissed both his cheeks, Tony shook his hand, and Zoe gestured for him to sit in the final empty chair.

Together, they discussed the plan for the appeal. It was to be fool proof. There was the added benefit of a recent sessions with a therapist; Spencer was still willing to go and talk about how Oscar had saved his life in prison. But Spencer was also fighting this disgusting urge to say that “none of that matters because an appeal panel won’t see him at all if Oscar keeps withdrawing”. He kept pushing it down to simmer in his stomach, away from his vocal chords.

He was almost glad when his phone began ringing, “Excuse me, it’s my boss.” Stepping out of the office, Spencer narrowly avoided another lawyer walking along the stripes of the carpet. “Hey Emily.”

“Hey. I know it’s one of your days off. I just wanted to see how you’re doing?”

“We’re just going over Oscar’s appeal.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Wow, he really walked into that one.

“I just keep thinking about how he sabotaged himself. I mean, doesn’t he want to get out? Why doesn’t he want to get out and be with me?!” Spencer swallowed back the lump in his throat, “And I know none of the team approve of him.”

“Spencer,” Emily had her parent voice on. An expert voice for someone who didn’t even have kids yet.

But Spencer just carried on in spite of it, “He’s a convicted batterer, not exactly the best option for a boyfriend and especially for an FBI agent, but do any of you know why he did it?”

His agitation was muzzled when Zoe poked her head around the door and Spencer softened his tone to apologise, to assure he would be back inside shortly. He waited until the door closed before he spoke again.

“Emily, Oscar is the only person who knows what I’m going through right now. He’s a good man, I truly believe that, or else he wouldn’t have helped me. And I need him to get out. I can’t stand knowing he’s in there for why he did what he did. Knowing he’s not getting the help he needs.”

It was then that Spencer realised, even as they were interrupted, that Emily had been waiting patiently for him to finish. She was now letting his words sit between the phone lines, likely mulling over what to say next. Spencer really fucking hated waiting.

Thankfully his patience did not need to wear itself thin, this one time:

“I do know why he did it. I had Garcia pull up his file when you went to visit him for the first time. Spencer, I’m glad this man has you on his side. Let me know how the meeting goes.”

“Thanks, Emily.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

As Oscar placed himself down opposite Spencer, he flinched in the plastic chair. Spencer fought his own wince at the sight of so much swelling, so many bruises, so many cuts, littering his face.

But he gave the tiniest of smiles in spite of the state of his face, “How did you know, Spencer?”

“Your mom told me. She’s a lovely woman.” Spencer flexed his fingers before linking them again, “I wish I had a proper gift to give you, but I was scared the guards would just confiscate it.”

“The card was more than enough.”

A bright blue card with balloons on it was tucked into Oscar’s pillowcase. Inside were as many notes on what he needed to say for the appeal as Spencer could fit around the “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” already printed into the card.

“I forwarded them and the rest onto your lawyer. She should go through it with you.”

Oscar’s smile tainted by hesitation as it crawled off his face, “I don’t know.”

Spencer could see him withdrawing, hiding in his jumpsuit. But even then, Oscar’s expression wore his melancholy like a veil. It blocked out any semblance of neutrality from when he had first met Spencer. The state his protection was in, he wouldn’t last long at all.

“Before prison, I was really sensitive to touch, germs. But now-” Spencer stopped, his voice so quiet he nearly couldn’t hear himself as he finished, “I can’t wait to touch you again.”

Oscar shivered. His eyes screwed shut as if to protect him from what was being said. But Spencer persisted.

“What would you like to do for your birthday? If you could do anything.”

“Picnic in the park,” said Oscar after some thought, “Uh, a real big Cuban sandwich, with roast pork, Swiss cheese, lettuce, pickles, and ham. And chocolate covered strawberries.”

“What, in the sandwich as well?”

“Yes.” Oscar rolled his eyes, misty and threatening to spill, and Spencer felt a rush of panic. More emotion was only good for him. Oscar, left behind in his cell, this could be disastrous. But he couldn’t get enough of it, and he selfishly persevered.

“When you get out, would you let me hold you?” The buzzer went off, but Spencer spoke over it as he stood, “Please, Oscar, consider this appeal.”

“Ok, Spencer.”

From his place at the table, Spencer watched Oscar try to cover his emotions, but there was still a glimmer of a tear retreating as he joined the queue of prisoners heading back to their cells.

Before he stepped out the prison, Spencer slipped his sunglasses back over his eyes to hide how red they were from the guards.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Stood in the shallow shade of Eliza’s range rover, Spencer switched the bouquet of sage flowers from one hand to the other. Dakota had suggested them; she said her brother liked the colour most. Spencer wiped his free hand down his trousers before checking the time. He’d done that four times already. He hoped no one was giving him odd looks from the other side of the fence.

Utter relief was not usually how he would describe hearing that buzzer. But for the first and last time, he did feel a sense of respite knowing he would likely never be coming back here for such a taxing visit.

Then he remembered what that sound actually meant. His back straightened right up; his hand brushed through his hair and checked his breath once more.

Tony led the way out of the prison. He was clearly trying to remain casual but the glee seeping out of his body was just palpable. He had an arm around Dakota, kissing his daughter’s head so vigorously that her half-up hair was messed up. Clearly Dakota didn’t care though. Her hand was behind her and she turned to see the person holding it.

It was Oscar, arm looped with Eliza who clung to him like a crutch. Their eyes matched each other, shining brown like horse chestnuts.

Spencer found that he could no longer look away from Oscar. A breeze rustled through his hair. His face was alive with tear tracks and a grin that ached on his rosy cheeks. An old suit, one clearly meant for court and court alone, slouched on his shoulders. But for that short moment where he breathed fresh air and leaned his head on his mother’s, there was no weight to him.

Then Oscar found Spencer, fidgeting with his tie and his grip slacking on the bouquet, and all the emotion he had repressed for five years in prison custody were exploding into a supernova.

Oscar forgot Eliza’s arm, dashing around his family to run for Spencer. Spencer found himself matching the pace and the destination. His feet carried him quick until he and Oscar collided. A fierce hug crushed them. Oscar’s hand was constantly adjusting its grip on the back of Spencer’s head, and Spencer’s free one fisted at Oscar’s suit jacket, trying to bury themselves in his ribcage. Neither missed Oscar’s shaking, his sobbing. Spencer curled into Oscar, wrestling with his instinct to pull away. Lindsey and Cat, they ruined so much for him already; they couldn’t take Oscar too.

When they heard the footsteps of the Dunnagan family stop nearby, the men drew apart – only about a foot or so. Oscar’s cheeks were wet behind his wide smile and Spencer saw that one of his front two teeth was a little crooked.

Spencer then presented his gift in the small space between them, “For you.”

Oscar gently clasped the bouquet on the white ribbon that wrapped around the stalks, “No one’s got me flowers before.”

Spencer then vowed to buy flowers as often as he could for Oscar, and especially sage. He looked so good with purple.

The ride to Danny’s Food Truck had Oscar sat in the little middle seat, his sister on one side, Spencer on the other, and he held both their hands. His bouquet was cradled in his lap. The wet ends of the stalks dripped twice onto his suit trousers, just before his bouncing knee.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Once again, Spencer had lost himself in his work. When he was interrupted just an hour before, Oscar was there. He had waved a hand into Spencer’s peripherals but Spencer still jumped at it. He hated that his skittish behaviour was still prevalent, returning just as Oscar had started appearing in his personal life. In his apartment.

“Sorry, Spencer,” Oscar had said in a gravelly voice, “I just wanted to ask if you were ok with Randy’s for dinner tonight.”

It was two hours before they were due to have dinner.

“Of course, it’s your turn.”

“How’s the work going?”

“It’s good,” and Spencer showed him the notes he’d written so far.

Oscar had taken them into his hands and read over them. Meanwhile Spencer watched his micro expressions. The huff of air through his nose, the corners of his mouth wriggling about as if to smile before flattening themselves out, all seemed positive as Oscar offered the papers back.

“Nice joke!”

“Right, joke…” Spencer accepted his notes back, “Where?”

“There,” Oscar leant over Spencer’s shoulder and tapped the second line of the first paragraph. Spencer noted that he smelt nice. So much better now the Dial soap was out of their care routine.

And it was now that Spencer found himself missing that smell. It was a nice distraction. Burying himself in his work was not a good distraction anymore.

He stood away from his desk and took his mug out to the kitchen sink. Despite trying not to look at the pieces of a vase half-wrapped in newspaper, Oscar’s wailing at the very start of their day together punctured its way into Spencer’s head. One particular thought posited that Spencer should keep one of those jagged pieces – just in case. Just in case of what?

Shaking his head, Spencer went and found the source of his chills: his living room windows were wide open, the curtains lifting gracefully in the breeze. Rain pattered against the world outside, some of its drops reaching the carpet. The smell of the rain was light in the room. It was almost drowned out by the sound.

He found Oscar passed out on the couch, his bare feet poking out from under the throw. His head was resting between his folded arms, one hand under the pillow. His headphones askew and playing “The Flower Garden (Extended Version)” by Joe Hisaishi.

Kneeling next to Oscar, Spencer touched his arm, “Do you want me to order for you?”

Oscar nodded, stretched out, then promptly fell back asleep. He would have trouble later tonight. But Spencer was glad that he finally found some respite. His seemingly endless apologies for breaking the bowl were over.

That was where the good news ended though. Spencer looked closer at Oscar’s hand, now unmasked. A medium piece from the broken vase rested in his loose grip. After some moments deliberating, Spencer eased it out and placed it with the rest of the vase. Then he went to his phone and dialled.

“Hey JJ. I hope it’s not too late, but,” Spencer tapped his nails against the plastic handset, “Would you mind coming over? Oscar is here, but I don’t know if he’s ready to help me through this.”

He smiled at the flowers he’d bought that day standing awkwardly in a jug before hanging up. He and Oscar really should move in together. Or at least he should invest in a sofa bed.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the front door, and Oscar was up on his feet. The sofa’s throw clung to him.

“I invited someone over,” Spencer said quickly, “Sorry I should have told you, but I didn’t want to wake you again. Do you want to wait in my room?”

Oscar stayed in place and shook his head, so Spencer went ahead to open his front door.

Two days apart was far too long. JJ embraced Spencer tight, rubbing his back as she rested her chin on his shoulder. She gave the best hugs. Maybe rivalled by Oscar, but Spencer would never tell her that.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“A coffee would be great,” JJ shrugged off her jacket

He pivoted in a half circle, “Oscar?”

“No, I’m good, thank you.”

Spencer wasn’t really sure what happened in his absence – besides his stomach turning itself over and over. When he returned with two mugs, the only information he could garner was that Oscar had dropped the throw back onto the sofa that stood between them and JJ had inched a little closer

“Here!”

Oscar twitched at Spencer’s loud entrance, visibly relaxing by the time JJ had her mug of coffee in her hands. He adjusted the throw until it was back to its original position then crept towards the door.

Spencer frowned, ruining the quiet exit as he said, “Where are you going?”

Oscar thumbed in his direction of travel. “Bathroom.”

“Oh,” Spencer felt his cheeks heat up, “Good luck.”

He saw Oscar rolling his eyes but there was a flash of a grin and a tiny wave to JJ before he disappeared from view. Spencer’s stomach steadied itself, busying itself with sloshing his coffee about instead. His grip around his mug adjusted as he turned to JJ.

“He’s not what I was expecting,” JJ said. There was nothing malicious in her tone. In fact, if there was anything, she seemed pleased that Oscar had subverted her anticipations.

Spencer nodded, his mouth turning up a little smile, “That’s what I thought too. Thank you for coming so quickly.”

“It’s ok, anytime.”

They sat together on the sofa, leaving the armchair free just in case Oscar wanted to join them again.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Moving in together was supposed to solve everything.

Neither Spencer nor Oscar explicitly said or thought that. But when their triggers persisted and their behaviour shifted dramatically still, they couldn’t help but be a little disappointed.

Spencer had another nightmare last night and woke Oscar up at around half past three. They couldn’t cuddle each other, but their hands would brush and the two men would avoid looking at the matching scars on their thighs – and Oscar’s on his stomach, Spencer’s on his arm.

“Would you have killed Shaw, if I hadn’t done anything?”

“Yes.” “Does that scare you?”

In the dark, he could hear the fear in Oscar’s voice

“No, because I think I would have done the same.”

Carried on as if he hadn’t heard, still scared of himself, “I wouldn’t do something like that now.”

Oscar spent the rest of the night on the couch, so he wouldn’t touch Spencer in his sleep. Words of his therapist spun around his head: “Prison twists and warps people until they’re worse than they were before. We can’t speak now for what we would have done then.”

It was a quiet day as a result of the restless night. Quiet was nice sometimes; it was something new for them to experience together. Spencer and Oscar had breakfast together, washed and dressed, before they went down to the communal laundrette together. Washing and drying clothes was too big a task to do alone, even now, and Oscar needed his shirt to be clean for his job interview in a few days. The nightmare Spencer had faded into the background as he tried to focus on something else.

Without realising, he said aloud to Oscar, “I wanted to kiss you in the laundry room.”

Oscar stopped stretching his damp pyjama shirt out, and it was clear that he had joined Spencer in reminiscing about their job in prison.

“Which time?”

“Every time.”

Spencer watched as Oscar let out a quiet “heh”, a shy smile playing on his lips. But Oscar cut it off quick before either of them could enjoy it, and he reset his expression to blank. The silence that followed swallowed them both whole.

“Oscar,” Spencer moved next to Oscar and, in clear view, touched him on the arm, “It’s ok. You can laugh.”

“I know.”

“You can smile if you want to,”

“I can smile,” Oscar repeated, his words grounding him next to Spencer, his hands flattened atop the dryer as it rumbled into life. His lungs took in a few more breaths to spread a thin layer of calm over him and he looked back at Spencer, “I can also kiss you if I want to, if you want.”

Checking the laundrette door, Spencer’s hand moved from Oscar’s arm to Oscar’s cheek, guiding him home. Their lips met in messy perfection. Short and sweet, with a sigh shared between them, Spencer was pleased to see the smile returned to Oscar by the time they separated. As tense as Oscar felt in his arms, even with the smile soon fading, Spencer could feel the tiniest slack in his shoulders now.

With the most burdensome chore out of the way, the two men returned to the flat. Spencer helped Oscar compose another covering letter to ship off to another job opening before they called Oscar’s family for lunch.

Facetiming was always a trip when they were calling the Dunnagans. Tony had a similar understanding of “technology” as Spencer, so when he answered the call, it was a close up of a nostril or a frowning muted face that greeted Oscar and Spencer on the laptop screen. Eventually Eliza saved them from an eternal farce. She brought them into her kitchen, bringing Dakota and her partner Ellis in on the call when it was time to prep for lunch.

Dakota led the way with a recipe from her restaurant, “If any of you dare share this with anyone, I’ll knock you out.”

Her laugh only sang one note before she slapped her hand over it and looked down at her screen with a face full of guilt. Oscar laughed it off, maybe a little forced, then he swiped at the nearest conversation topic – the world’s hottest pepper.

“Maybe you could stick in in your next recipe. Do a competition where if you eat all the spicy stuff, you get your name on the wall and get half off or something.”

And the call continued for a little longer.

Spencer was just testing out the new spices acquired in their online shop – because according to Dakota there was nothing is worse than being able to actually taste the chicken – when the screen froze. A tiny widget popped up to inform the men that the signal was too poor to continue the call.

Oscar wiggled the mouse, “Oh, God, your connection’s gone again. You mind if I try and find us a better provider?”

“Go for it.”

They clinked their wine glasses together, sipping with questionable responses to it. Oscar dared another sip while Spencer was satisfied with just the one, deciding instead to check on the chicken.

“Spencer?”

“Yeah?”

Oscar placed his wine down. “Are we boyfriends?”

In all their time together, Spencer realised they never once spoke about their relationship status. They just sort of… moved in together, shared a bed, held hands and kissed occasionally – without discussing what was going on.

He said with relative boldness, “I’d like to be.”

“I’d like to be too,” Oscar bit his lip, the smile distorting but still charming as ever. His arms swayed a little. “Can I hug you please?”

With a renewed sense of vigour, Spencer said, “Yes please.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Spencer’s mind needed a rest; perhaps returning to the geographic profile after some time apart would garner a new connection. This case was driving everyone nuts, not just him, and it was only the third day in. he plucked his mug and headed over to the coffee pot for a top-up.

Whilst pouring his third cup of the morning, Spencer took note of his phone’s weight in his trouser pocket. He decided to lessen it, his hand reaching in and dialling for Oscar.

The call clicked after three rings then a boisterous laugh erupted from the speaker.

“Sorry, Spencer! This little one keeps jumping up at me! She barely reaches my knees!” Oscar’s voice was playful. Little claws clicked on a hard floor followed by a tiny yet indignant yip that was echoed by several much deeper barks. Spencer assumed this little one was a ring leader at the dog kennel, the one Oscar was trying to sweet talk.

“That’s ok. You sound like you’re having a good time.”

“It’s brilliant! They let me take four dogs out on a walk at a time!”

The ache in Spencer’s left shoulder from sleeping in an odd position alleviated just a touch. “Yeah?”

“I think I might try to get my licence back, so I can maybe drive them out to the countryside.”

“That’s brilliant news.”

“How’s the case?”

“I’m just taking a break.” Spencer sipped his coffee, burning the back of his throat. As he flinched, he caught sight of Luke’s hand, waving him back over to the conference room. “Sorry, Oscar, I have to get back to the profile.”

“I really like how you say ‘Oscar’.”

“I’m just saying your name.”

“I know,” and Spencer could very clearly hear Oscar’s smile in his voice – even over the constant din from the dogs he was caring for.

“I like how you say my name. See you later?”

“Hopefully. Take care of yourself.”

What a delight to see Oscar, after a rush of evidence flooding in and the pieces slotting together in a now-obvious profile. That evening in fact, Spencer made it back to his apartment at the same time as Oscar. He was carrying a plastic bag to mirror Spencer’s satchel. He didn’t feel like cooking and knew that Spencer wouldn’t be in the mood either; it was a few microwaved meals from the local store in his bag.

They ate dinner in the sitting room on trays - as a treat – and they partook in a very one-sided conversation about Star Trek. Oscar didn’t seem to mind, and honestly Spencer liked the freedom that came with talking here. It was like a hint of who he was before was bleeding through. Every so often though, Oscar would remind him that his food was going to get cold. Spencer would take a moment to eat before the next interesting factoid was inspired from the episode on the TV.

At the start of the next episode, his plate empty, Spencer noticed that Oscar’s gaze was a little restless as he finished his dinner.

“Is something bothering you?” He asked, adjusting his position on the sofa.

Oscar shrugged as he put his cushioned lap tray onto the carpet, “Not bothering me. I’m just curious about something.”

Naturally, Spencer said, “Ask me.” Maybe it was the difference between Vulcans and Romulans again.

“When you stabbed yourself while looking at me, before you got out, was that a substitution for sex?”

Spencer blinked several times. He could feel pinstripes forming on his forehead. He cleared his throat, took a sip of his water, cleared his throat again.

“No, no. I… um.”

Then he stopped because he realised he didn’t quite have an answer yet. His mind was busy straying back to that moment: the flare of pain in his leg and arm, the roaring of inmates around his head, and Oscar - an island of frozen calm amidst the chaos of Spencer’s actions. Eventually, Spencer found a semblance of a reply and he delivered it.

“I was just looking around, and I found you. I think I was looking for comfort.”

Seemingly accepting of this, Oscar’s attention moved back to the TV. His hands occupied themselves with each other. However, Spencer was not quite ready to let the subject go; he’d been thinking about this a lot lately.

“I’m sorry we haven’t…”

Oscar picked up what he was putting down, “Don’t be sorry, Spencer. Don’t ever, ever be sorry for that. I didn’t ask to guilt you. It was in the lesson you taught last week. I listened to it on my break today.”

The image of his Dictaphone on the desk at college - and another of it hanging out of Oscar’s rucksack’s front pocket – recalled itself in Spencer’s head.

“I probably could have asked you a bit nicer,” Oscar altered his position on the couch to bring his knees up to his chest.

“Probably.”

“I’m sorry, Spencer.”

“You’re forgiven.”

“Could you tell me more about the Romulans please?”

As Spencer restarted his speech, albeit with less enthusiasm than before, Oscar brought out his notepad from his backpack. His fingers pinched around the blue crayon as he scrawled Spencer’s facts, putting the differences into a roughly drawn table.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Seeing Oscar standing in the bullpen with a visitor’s badge was not what Spencer expected to see today. He certainly didn’t expect to see him sipping tea with Penelope and chatting away at Spencer’s empty desk. Oscar had clearly just arrived, still bundled up in his coat. The flowers Oscar had sent to the office that morning stood gorgeously arranged beside his oft-neglected computer desktop.

“Hi!” Spencer power-walked up to them, almost reaching a jog. Oscar met him halfway, but his pace decreased the closer he got to Spencer. It was the sound of the team drawing through the glass double doors that told Spencer what was going through his head.

He turned to his family, already gesturing behind him where Oscar stood, “Everyone, this is my boyfriend Oscar.”

Waving, Oscar had his other hand stuck deep in his pocket as he spoke, “Penelope gave me the rundown of your names. Nice to meet you.”

The team was rather tired from the case and obviously a little caught off guard by the fact that the felon Spencer had fallen for was just hanging around in their bullpen. But Spencer was relieved when they all greeted Oscar with a fairly warm manner, wished Spencer "happy birthday" again, before they shuffled off to their respective desks and offices. Penelope bid her farewell to Oscar with the promise of a movie night some time in the future. Then she hugged her Boy Wonder and returned to her batcave.

“Sorry,” Oscar said quietly, “I wanted to travel home with you. Kinda forgot that I would be running into your whole team.”

“I don’t mind. In fact, I wanted you to meet them.”

Spencer’s hand stayed in Oscar’s for the entire walk back to Oscar’s new car in the lot. While they parted momentarily en route, they found each other again when Oscar had to pull over during the drive home. The car that had swerved and cut in front of them became two red lights in the far distance, the sound of its engine and screeching tires muted by Oscar’s heavy breathing.

Oscar released the steering wheel and clung to Spencer’s hand, but Spencer could feel that Oscar was holding back, trying not to crush his fingers. He rubbed over Oscar’s knuckles.

“In, two, three, four,” Spencer counted, “Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.”

He repeated this five times and Oscar leant back in his seat.

“I was doing so well,” He said, his voice cracking in its quietness.

“You still are. We both are.” Spencer kissed the back of Oscar’s hand, “Come on, I’ll drive us the rest of the way.”

Two blocks later and they were about to enter their apartment.

Oscar stopped them though, just before Spencer’s key met the lock, “Could you wait out here? Just for a minute, please?”

Spencer complied, a countdown in his head clicking off the seconds as soon as his front door was closed to him. A smile crept onto his face as he heard Oscar clattering about the apartment. He wasn’t exactly being subtle; Spencer wouldn’t have it any other way.

Once Spencer was finally allowed in, he was greeted by a low-lit scene. Oscar was holding a match to the last candle at the table. He’d taken off his long coat to revealing a freshly ironed floral pattern. The stereo speakers were already humming Mozart. The crumpled takeaway paper bag by the pedal bin didn’t go unnoticed, but Spencer decided to focus instead on how the food was arranged on the plates - either side of a delightful floral arrangement.

“Oh Oscar, you already got me so much this morning,” Spencer said sheepishly, with the knowledge that he had avoided looking up the prices of his gifts so he could calculate just how much of Oscar’s third paycheque went into his birthday.

“I know, but I wanted your birthday to be perfect,” Oscar opened up one of the tubs, a wave of steam lifting gently with the lid, “It’s from the new Thai place down the road.”

Spencer hung up his satchel on his its hook, “I suppose I have been wanting to try their green curry for a while now.”

Once he had changed into something more comfortable (plus a hint of smartness), Spencer sat down with Oscar for dinner. Both men found that he was not immune to the romanticism of a candlelit dinner with his boyfriend, and Spencer more so. The effort behind it, the aroma of the lavender candle with the spiced food, the glow around his Oscar’s face as he went over the day behind them, it was all getting to him.

Of course, Oscar offered to clean up once they were done eating and talking – for now at least. Spencer still helped though. Any time with Oscar was time well spent. Even loading the dishwasher. Except now Oscar was staring at Spencer’s face, gaze fidgeting between his eyes and his mouth, and Spencer was worrying about it.

Christ, what was he meant to do to let Oscar know he wanted to kiss him without saying so? Pout?

“Are you ok?” Oscar’s brow creased.

Fuck.

“Yes,” Spencer said, quickly removing the pout from his lips, “I’m good.”

“Good.” Oscar swung their linked hands between them thrice. Then he let go of one to thumb across the corner of Spencer’s jaw and he closed the gap between them. Spencer felt Oscar’s recently applied lip balm on his chapped lips, those stupid lips that Spencer spent too much time thinking about. They felt so much better against Spencer’s and smiling with reckless abandon. So reckless, in fact, that the smile grew into a laugh, buzzing against Spencer and tickling him more than his facial hair.

Oscar pulled away, still giggling and apologising, “Sorry, sorry, I’m not laughing at you.”

“I know you’re not. You’d never laugh at me.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

A chorus of “hello!” harmonised in the doorway as the Dunnagans’ entered Spencer and Oscar’s apartment. Laden with gifts and food offerings, Tony, Eliza, and Dakota kissed and hugged their way into the sitting room.

Oscar and Dakota were the ones in charge, everyone else on some kind of prep duty while they ordered them about in the politest manner. Spencer was trying to be a good prep boy but Eliza was just better and faster, so he stuck to cleaning as they went. Oscar kissed his cheek while passing by; Tony had hung up a sprig of mistletoe just over their heads. Ducking away to avoid kissing his potential father-in-law, Spencer chased the sound of his phone ringing. He even ducked under it as if lowering his torso would avoid the mistletoe above him.

All five swayed ever so slightly out of sync as they bellowed the classics and groaned over the pop renditions. Spencer’s new watch hugged his wrist and ticked away each pleasant second.

“No, don’t hide your hair!” Eliza ripped off the Santa hat Spencer’s head and pulled up flattened tufts of his hair until it resumed its usual messy state.

“There! Never get a haircut, you’re too handsome for that.” She patted his cheek before taking another swig of her red wine – the same shade as her Christmas jumper and Spencer’s cheeks. Spencer looked to Oscar, not to protest but to see if he had Oscar witnessed this.

Oscar merely shrugged, “I mean she’s not wrong.” He finished off peeling the sprouts, handing them over to Tony for chopping, “I have to admit, it was one of the things that drew me to you when we met.”

“Really?”

Another nod in response, Oscar drew nearer, closing the conversation to everyone but Spencer, “You and your Bambi eyes and your hair and your perfect mouth.”

Spencer suddenly found himself unable to look directly at Oscar, as if he were the sun. An outsider looking in might infer that it was the gaudy red of his horrendous Christmas jumper that made his cheeks seem so pink. They would be wrong.

Spencer burst out, “It was Rossi on the phone. He wants to know if you’re still coming tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m not backing out. If I start to, I need you behind me and pushing me through the door.” Oscar’s shoulders twitched with his laugh.

“I don’t know, feels like you could toss me over your shoulder if you wanted.”

“I could. Technically.”

Spencer’s cheeks went scarlet at the thought of Oscar carrying him down Rossi’s driveway in such a way. But before he could ask Oscar to slow the flow of compliments, Dakota called to them across the room: “Aw, Oscar, you’ve got your own stocking?”

“Yeah, Spencer bought it for me, early gift!” It hung proudly on the bookshelf beside Spencer’s.

The table had already been set for the family. Dakota brought her own crackers, informing them that the snap had been removed. Terrible paper crown and horrendous jokes were passed around the five people before they dished up their Christmas dinner. Comically small in his hands, Oscar cradled the box of the primary coloured crayons in his palm and frisbeed the ruler with the shapes cut out over to Eliza.

The pigs in blankets were a little burnt, the nut roast barely touched, and there was so much left over that they would be eating ham and turkey sandwiches for days to come.

Spencer was so full of food and joy that it would be impossible to be carried on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He settled instead for being held in Oscar’s lap as they squished into the armchair, the rest of the family on the couch to watch the garbage Christmas specials. Dozing on his shoulder with a close-lipped smile, Oscar looked content. His yellow paper crown was crushed near the front, slipping down his left temple.

Oh, Spencer was grateful for his dedicated memory. He could match and topple all those memories of them in prison with times like these forever – and he planned on doing just that.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x oc #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds x oc #my writing #r: male #wc: 10k+

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missfaber · 5 years

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author interview

I was tagged by @orangeflavoryawp, thank you so much!

I already know I’m going to enjoy this way too much, writing is such a lonely endeavor and I just love talking about it, sooo... I apologize in advance for rambling.

name: Madeline/Maddie

fandoms: this is complicated because there’s fandoms I very much consider myself a part of because they’re just a huge part of my life, even though I don’t contribute content to them, and then there’s fandoms I do create content for. So idk where the line is drawn!

fandoms I contribute/ have contributed to: Avatar the Last Airbender, Game of Thrones, Merlin BBC, Once Upon a Time, Legend of Korra

fandoms I haven’t contributed to but are so dear to me: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings (my two favorite things ironically lol), and lots more

where you post: AO3, used to be ff.net and livejournal too

most popular one shot: by kudos, it’s as if death itself was undone (zutara, atla: katara wakes up to azula in their house and wants to find out a) why she is welcome b) why zuko is acting so weird)

most popular multichapter: by kudos, it’s soldier, go bravely on (jonsa + gendrya, got, complete, rewrite of the last episode of got with sweetness and angst and action, and may i say some common sense?)

favorite story you wrote: fuck omg this is difficult lol! because I both criticize and love all my stories in equal measure, I honestly don’t write anything that i don’t love, that doesn’t give me butterflies / actual chest pain (from angst). I feel like I’m being asked to choose a favorite child lol. so I’ll try to justify these picks somehow...

closest to my heart: soldier, go bravely on (also mentioned above). this is the fic that brought me back to writing fic, and to tumblr even! I was on hiatus (that I didn’t know was a hiatus because I had no intention of coming back) for six years before writing this fic. I wrote it so quickly after the got finale, it was such a passionate and fevered few days and it just sucked me back in to everything I used to love as a teenager. It was also a nice stretch out of my comfort zone, because of the dialogue (which was so tightly planned it’s ridiculous, I wrote the whole fic as a screenplay type thing first to make sure there wasn’t a single dialogue word not needed) and tv-episode style. It’s also such a wish-fulfillment fic that I can’t read certain parts without getting a bit teary. for all those reasons and more, this fic will always be so special to me.

most proud of: wolf, circle north (jonsa, got, alternate season 7 & 8). this is the longest fic I’ve ever attempted and the number I’ve hours I’ve sunk into it is astounding and i should be ashamed. It’s going to be obscenely long (my outline is 70+ chapters) and when I pull it off, best believe it’s going into a bound book so I can look at how thicc it is and be like, “I did that!” lol. The range of POVs is one of the most challenging but most rewarding part of this fic, and why I’m so proud of it. This is another wish-fulfillment fic for me, not just because it’s another fix-it fic but because I have been writing bits and pieces of this fic for about three years. I kept thinking of jonsa scenarios and little scenes I would have loved to see after season 6 and writing them in a little secret doc, just for me, as I never thought I’d write fic again. After writing “soldier” i had already broken my hiatus and I realized this fic was an actual possibility, so I put it out into the world. I couldn’t be more happy that I did that. Not only did it give me the chance to be in such an excellent, lovely fandom, but the feedback I get is so validating after having this be my secret little project for so long.

most formative: Coffee & Cigarettes, (merthur, merlin bbc) I’m ashamed to list this and the merthurs reading this 100% want to kill me for having the audacity because it’s incomplete and hasn’t been updated since 2013 when there’s only one chapter left so what’s my excuse? I call this the most formative for me because until I published this I didn’t really have a fic that people followed and liked, eagerly awaited updates for, and commented regularly on. I was writing a lot of one-shots and atla stuff on tumblr (I used to RP lmao I was like 15 ok?) This was the first time I experienced so many fic-life things, like being excited to get AO3 emails, etc. This was the first time I started to really focus on character which is so important to me now, my writing is completely character driven. Not to mention Merlin and Arthur’s dumbassery and sheer attraction and denial is just... *chef’s kiss*

guiltiest pleasure: my recent foray into nedsei, who am I??? one more word and you won’t survive, just international hate sex

story you were most nervous to post: ummm idk I’m usually excited not nervous, since for me fic writing is just fun, I write things I’d enjoy reading and that I’m proud of. I read my own fics more than anyone else does, I guarantee it. am I a narcissist? who knows I guess I’ll say “soldier” again because I hadn’t posted fic in six years.

how you choose your titles: wow the hardest part of fic writing for me!!!!! thanks!!!!! lol. Okay so for my work titles, which are always terrible and I literally regret them immediately after posting, it’s usually just some words I play around with and string together that are somewhat thematic and related to the work... they’re always terrible lmao, I hate making titles. I mean, look at “soldier, go bravely on” and “wolf, circle north” for god’s sake, I hate them lmao. But I have to pick a title to post, so!!! For chapter titles and one-shots I’ll usually go with a song lyric, and especially for my chapter titles I spend so long seeking out the perfect one that reflects some thematic or emotional content of the chapter somehow. I’m very proud of my chapter titles for wolf, circle north. I have a doc on my scrivener just for chapter titles that I created in the very early stages of writing it, where I just dumped HUNDREDS of song lyrics that I thought I might use. Then by them I wrote some scenarios where they could work. here’s a screenshot:

It’s so helpful now. Sometimes posting an update will take an hour more than necessary because of me going through that doc, finding the perfect lyric.

do you outline: OH, DO I OUTLINE... Hell Yeah, I outline. I couldn’t live without outlining. I love outlining. My outlines have outlines. I’m a planner centric, calendar centric, bullet-journal bitch so of course I love outlining. In all seriousness though: I write out of chronological order. I feel my writing is best when I write the scene I’m in the mood to write- unfortunately this scene could be ten chapters down the line from the chapter I’m gonna post next. This is the biggest reason outlining is necessary for me. If I didn’t have an outline, my story would be a non-post-able mess.

I wasn’t kidding when I said my outlines have outlines. For wolf, circle north I have, um, a few. Character/location centric outlines where I bullet every scene that needs to happen for that plot to happen cohesively (these were all more or less completed before I even started writing the fic), then a “loose” outline that I copy everything from the other outlines into for some semblance of chronological order, then a Polished Final Outline that I write from. I know that sounds psychotic. It’s how my brain works. Some photo evidence/explanation:

And here’s a screengrab of my Final Outline, this is pretty much how it is all the way down- The POV character is italicized in the front, I talk to myself a lot in there, let myself get carried away, will sometimes write out whole segments of the scene if they come to me while outlining. Spoilers for chapters 1-3 of w,cn I guess!!!

Then, because scrivener is awesome, I get to see this outline in the corkboard view (I input every scene as a card) and so I get to see every part of my outline as a Synopsis on the right hand side of the doc where I’m writing the scene:

The POV and status tags (which are completely customizable) on the lower right are helpful too. This post is just a scrivener ad.

complete: 9 works

in progress: 4 works

coming soon / not yet started: I have so many fics in the works, I’m an indulgent person so if an idea comes to me I usually go with it for a time. I’ve had a very not-serious Jonsa PLL AU I’ve been writing on and off since summer. I have three different fairytale AUs (also jonsas) I’ve been working on and one time travel AU for @sunbeamsandmoonrays. I can’t say when or if any of these will see the light of day, because my priority is my WIPs and my original writing. But the most prevalent are my Halloween fics (one jonsa, one gendrya, one merthur) which I really want to be able to put out this month, but only if I meet some other goals. I’m trying to rein in my indulgent ass, ya’ll.

do you accept prompts: no. sorry! but I do workshop ideas with friends, for example the nedsei fic happened that way by talking with @flibbertigiblet. But I don’t take writing prompts in my inbox.

upcoming story you are most excited to write: my halloween merthur fic. it’s witchy, sassy, and I’m so excited to get back into the heads of these characters.

Tagging! @uchihabat @anniebibananie @noqueenbutthequeeninthenorth @sailorshadzter @vivilove-jonsa and any other lovely writer soul who wants to do this!

#askjshssj thanks for reading this lol i went off!#my writing #writing things #jonsa #merthur #zutara #fanfiction #fanfiction writing

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #230

“this is where i wanna grow old, so i’m just praying i don’t make parole.”

Has a movie ever made you cry? Yeup. Do you smile open-mouthed or closed-mouthed? Usually open. I look higher with my mouth closed, lol. What gaming systems do you own? A PS2, Wii, gaming laptop, DS Lite, and a GameBoy Advance. Do you know anyone else with your last name other than family? Not off the top of my head. Is your favorite band still together? Yeah. Any movies your looking forward to seeing? I want to see both Joker and IT: Chapter II. Where do you see most of your concerts? Only been to one, which was in Raleigh. Have you ever had escargot? No, I NEVER will. Do you like chocolate popsicles? Hell yeah. Do you save seats for your friends in class? I don't have real friends at college yet, just like a couple acquaintances. Back in high school and younger, I did occasionally with my purse or something. Depended on where we were. How many people do you know with red hair? I don't care enough to count, honestly. Three off the very top of my head. Have you ever wondered what you look like when you’re sleeping? Yeah. Are your parents proud of you? I mean they say so, but I doubt it a lot. Would you ever be your schools mascot who wears that costume? NO. Those sound so gross and hot. Have you ever had a pet fish? Multiple. What age did you start staying home alone? Idr. Would you rather see the Great Wall of China or Big Ben? Big Ben appeals to me more, but the Great Wall would probably impress me more. Can you do a handstand? Nope. What’s a brand of shoe you like, but wouldn’t buy a pair? I like studded and spiked high heels like, A LOT. Are you reading any books right now? Not currently. Sara sent me the first Wings of Fire book because I'm interested in reading it, I just normally read at school when I have no work to do, and for a looooong while now I have always been busy doing schoolwork while I wait in the library for Mom to finish her classes. Any plans for tomorrow? No. Who did you last take a picture with? My kitty. How do you like your chicken? Breaded, typically. Like as nuggets and such. What’s your favorite fast food restaurant? Sonic. What song are you listening to? I've been binging the "I Don't Wanna Be Free" song from AHWM since it came out man. It's not even biased, Mark's voice has just gotten so fucking GOOD and I'm so proud and in love- Do you have any bruises? No. What’s the last thing you googled? How to make a rounded border of a square in Photoshop bc I forgot while making stuff for Sara. How often do you use a real dictionary? Never. They're pretty much obsolete. When you were little did your mom ever sing to you? Yeah. What’s the reason you last laughed really hard? Um idr. Who do you sit with at lunch? I don't go to the school cafe, so. How long have your parents been together? They were together like... I wanna say 18 years? Somewhere around 20. What’s your favorite kind of Gatorade? EW none. Out of all your friends, whose house have you stayed at the most? I really don't have any current friends whose houses I've gone to. So Sara, if you count her. Who is one person you couldn’t imagine life without? My mom. The idea of her dying is fucking terrifying beyond possible words for me. What’s your favorite Disney movie? The Lion King. Are you camera shy? Yes bc I hate my body. Just let me be behind it. Are you politically correct? It really depends on what the subject is. We've become too politically "correct" if you ask me. I'd honestly say I'm mostly not. Eh, idk. Again, it depends. Speaking of politics, do they tend to overexcite you? Quite the opposite, they bore the hell out of me. Are your parents Democratic, Republican, or neither? I'm quite sure Dad is a Republican, but I'm really not sure; Mom, meanwhile, I think she leans more towards Democrat, but fits the "Independent" title well. My stepmother is ANNOYINGLY far-right. I almost regret adding her on FB. What’s the worst household chore? When you don't have a dishwasher, hand-washing dishes. I fucking hate it. Do you get along better with boys or girls, and why? I only say girls because I'm afraid of men. I can befriend a man perfectly fine, just I am going to be VERY paranoid and anxious in the early stages of knowing him. Do you love dreaming? Honestly, I'd almost prefer not to dream, I think. I barely remember mine anyways, and I like the feeling of waking up after a DEEP sleep. Maaaany of my dreams/nightmares involve Jason anyway, so I'd just rather not deal with 'em. Do you have any conditions that you need medication for? I refuse to come off my bipolarity medications. They're the reason I'm not a suicidal tragedy anymore. I could survive without my anxiety meds, but I'd sure prefer not to. What’s a recurring theme in dreams? (I often dream about rollercoasters.) Most of my nightmares/terrors involve me getting into an altercation of some sort, and I'm always unable to defend myself. Should everybody have affordable health insurance? Fuck yes they should. You shouldn't have to go fucking bankrupt to stay alive, goddamn. This subject gets me heated as hell. Creation or evolution? Evolution. Do you have terrible memory? My memory is so incredibly bad I've had borderline anxiety attacks that I have early-onset dementia lmfao. What do you think is the most peaceful religion? I'm not knowledgeable enough on this, but off the top of my head, Buddhism? If you’re feeling frightened, what thoughts tend to comfort you? I am such a baby. It helps me in a lot of situations if my mom is with me. What year were you born in? 1996. What is the best decade for music? '80s, maybe. Or 2000s. Are you prejudiced against anybody? (Other races, gays, etc.) No. Are you a licensed driver? No, but I have my permit. I'm too scared and inexperienced to get my license because I'm too hesitant to drive enough. Do you have any regrets? Yeah. Is there anything you wish you could say to someone right now? I'm going to wish I could tell Jason I'm sorry 'til the day I die, probably. There's things I wanna tell Megan, Hannia... a few people. What time do you normally wake up? If I don't have my 8 AM class, it can range from like, 6-9 AM. Is there anyone not in life anymore, that you wish still was? Plenty of people. What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 112. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. How far away is the closest store to your house and what is it? Uhhhh. The actual town-town I live in is like three minutes away or so, so there's a large amount. I guess the closest is... a dollar store, probably? When was the last time you made out with somebody? A long time ago. What TV show(s) have you been watching currently? None. How many apps do you have on your phone? Just six, but I can't even update one because my phone has such little memory. What pet names do you use with your significant other? Besides the normal ones like "hunny" and stuff, "pretty woman" and then (THEY'RE JOKES/REFERENCES OK) "Bubblebutt" and "Candyass" lmfao. Do you have to wear a name badge where you work? N/A Do you have a dress code or have to wear a uniform where you work? N/A Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? For less than a day. I wouldn't date one now, no. What is your mother’s first name? Donna. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? More like I share it with every white female on Earth. Have there ever been any bushfires/wildfires in your area? Small ones. How would you label your sexual orientation? Bisexual. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. What’s your favorite kind of accent? English. Do you have separate emails for personal and business? No. Well, I have a separate school email. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. None of us anticipated the airport would take so long. Are you someone who always needs a coffee before you can function? No. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Yes!! Do you know your significant other’s passwords? No, and I don't need to. I have a respect for privacy. What’s your favorite type of salad? Just lettuce with dressing, really. Cucumbers in there is okay, though. Lobster dip or crab dip? Ew. Do you shop at Goodwill? No. Do you make grocery lists? I don't do the grocery shopping, so. When is your next doctor’s appointment? I see my psychiatrist uhhh next week I think, then my main doctor is referring me to a dietitian per my request as of a couple days ago. Do you own a pair of feather earrings? No. Elephants or lions? Visually, lions, but as animals themselves, elephants. What color do you want to dye your hair next? Silver. Do you decorate for Easter? Not anymore, really. We don't decorate for almost anything at this point. Do you have a car? I don't have a license, so why even. Are you the same size you were ten years ago? Bitch I fuckin WISH. Do people mistake you for a teenager? No. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? Get a tattoo and have that gd heavenly drink Sara's dad made me once that Changed My Life. Do you know anyone who’s started a business and been successful? I have an old real photographer friend. Strawberry or watermelon? Strawberries. I'm actually not a big fan of watermelon; it's typically too bland to me. If it's sweet, then hell yeah. What new hobby are you thinking of starting? What's a "hobby." Were you ever a team captain of anything? No. Something I find boring is… TV, usually. If I could give my mother an award it would be for… Her dedication and hard work that's probably unmatched. The most memorable costume I’ve worn is… Idr. My personal hero is… Mark. M-A-R-K. Mark. Markiplier. Fischfuck. Have you heard of Mark Fischbach? An author whose work changed my life is… None. Are you happy with yourself on the outside? (explain) No, but just because I'm overweight. Otherwise, I guess I'd be. Are you happy with yourself on the inside? (explain) Mostly, at least. There're things I hate, things I want to change, all that. Do you take responsibility for your actions? Yes. Do you treat yourself well? Eh. Is there something nobody knows about you (& what)? Yeah, and I'd prefer for it to stay that way. If in a relationship, do you feel you could "do better"? No. Feel like I don't deserve her half the time. Do you have any mental disorders? lol Have you ever stolen from a friend or family member? Wow, no. Money or love? Love. Have you done anything to make someone dislike you (& what)? Not on purpose. Multiple things. Mostly making ridiculous opinions I've had in the past known. Would/did you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No and no. Would you rather be remembered for something bad or forgotten? Forgotten. Do you boss around your friends, or give in to what they want to do? The latter by far. Do you donate or volunteer as much as you could? I don't have money to donate. I don't have transportation or time for volunteering. Do you believe in a god (& why or why not)? Yeah, 'cuz the Big Bang Theory just doesn't make sense to me. Compacted nothing exploding into everything. But by this point in my life, I really don't care if there is or isn't. Are you spoiled? No. How do you ease anxiety? Deep breathing, music, talking to Mom or Sara... Do you avoid physically unattractive people, even before knowing them? Oh my god. Does your family have a secret? No. If single, would you knowingly be who someone cheats on someone else with? NO. NO. THE GUILT WOULD BE FUCKING ASTRONOMICAL. Choose one living person you’d like to meet. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oh y'know I don't have a clue it's not like I love one (1) male homosapien- Are you over-protective of anyone? Maybe Sara. I'm not sure if it reaches the "over" level. What do you think of the name Xiomara (zeo-marah)? Cool as hell, man. Who did you receive your latest notification from? On Facebook? Uhhhhh *checks* my childhood babysitter liked something. How do you know the last person you were in a car with? I came out of her lmao so I mean- Do you support PETA? They are WAY too extreme. Do you honestly hate anyone? My old doctor that fucking destroyed my body. Do you go to church? No. Have you ever been depressed? I've had chronic depression since the 7th grade, so- Or are you a generally happy person? I'm usually just content. Do you think you are a good friend? Yeah. Usually. What is your usual username on sites? "Ozzkat" (rarely with a "0" if it's somehow taken) almost everywhere. Celeb crush? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Non celeb crush? My girlfriend. /v\ Bad habit you are trying to fix? Procrastinating on homework las;djfa;weiraweawer Would you rather go to school or have a job? I'd rather have a goddamn job that I can actually do and enjoy. What is your major? Organismal biology. Favorite cookie? Chocolate chip. Favorite flavor? Strawberry, chocolate... depends on what we're talkin' about. Candles or incense? INCENSE. Would you ever have an abortion? Probably if I was raped. Idk. What do you want for your birthday from your bf or gf? It'd be amazing if she could be here. Favorite flavor of milk? Chocolate. Something you like to do alone? Watch YouTube, draw, write. Something you like doing with friends? Vidya games, go out to see a movie or bowl or something, just hang out and chat. Thick or thin blanket? T H I C C Do you walk around barefoot in your house? Who wears shoes in their house????? tf??????????? u ok?????????????? Do you have a ring on your ring finger? No. Do you know how to type home row? Yeah, that's how I type.

#survey #quiz #questions #bored #random

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svtskneecaps · 5 years

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Walls Could Talk Part 1 ~ handsome student

(Seventeen Fic, Superpower! Non-Idol! High school! AU)

You’re just a high school kid trying to survive your senior year. Seems simple enough. Problem is, you landed a major crush on a good looking transfer student, and unfortunately, the both of you are hiding some abilities that are a bit less than normal, and there’s a ghost you thought you buried in your past that’s rearing his ugly head. So… maybe this won’t be as easy as you were hoping.

((Optional Main Cast Introduction))

You were not a tutor.

You were very afraid to take matters in your own hands and accidentally do things the wrong way. You were even more afraid to take matters in your own hands and accidentally teach someone to do something wrong. You were absolutely terrified to screw someone else over because you weren’t smart enough.

Working with the English Language Learners was different. English was a strong suit of yours. You’d grown up speaking the damn language, you knew what you were doing. It just came naturally; you didn’t even have to pay attention to get it. And besides, you were just a student assist there, not the freaking teacher! You just sat there and acted as a second opinion if asked and occasionally woke Jihoon when the over exhausted junior passed out on his desk again.

But this? This was different. This was new. You didn’t like it, not a bit, but also, you needed service hours and your teacher practically begged you to tutor this struggling student, so you’d signed up. Just because you adored that teacher and wanted to help her out because she was new and had a bunch of classes filled with those kinds of kids who were incapable of shutting their mouths.

Your math classes usually were. It was infuriating. You were almost shocked you were even able to pass the class yourself.

Oh shoot, you were complaining again. You hated it when you did that. Rambled off on the same shit over and over and no one shut you up. Purely out of habit you reached for your phone, maybe to text a friend, get some moral support-

You halted the motion. You forgot, you’d purged everyone from your phone and changed your number. You had three contacts now: your mom, your dad, and your grandparents, and you couldn’t text your online friend on school internet. No support was coming.

You’d been waiting in the math classroom for about fifteen minutes. Your teacher said you’d all meet there right after school. Either she’d been lying or you had gotten the room number wrong. You checked your email for the millionth time, rechecking the room number to make absolutely certain you were in the right spot. Really, none of this was helping with the backflips your internal organs were doing. You were going to be a professional gymnast by the time they showed up.

The math teacher entered the room twenty nine minutes and thirty two seconds after she said she would be there, according to the clock on the wall. “Sorry, one of my students stayed behind to take a quiz!”

“It’s fine,” you said almost automatically.

“Where’s Jun? I sent him down ahead of me.”

“Maybe he got lost?” you offered, sincerely hoping it wasn’t the Jun you were thinking of, because if it was, you were in need of a cliff. Nothing against him, just you were highly intimidated and weren’t sure how you could handle teaching him the weird math stuff like the unit circle or anti derivatives or something equally bananas.

Shoot, you got distracted. What was she saying?

“Oh, Jun!”

Shit.

So. . . you were right. It was Junhui Wen you were going to be tutoring. The really intimidating guy from sixth period ELL.

You were gonna implode.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said sheepishly (with that infuriatingly attractive accent of his, like could you get any more cliché but you absolutely loved accents and his was so cute). “I guess I didn’t understand the room number.”

“That’s okay, you’re here now,” your teacher said encouragingly. You did a mental sweep of your body, trying to make sure you weren’t visibly freaking out. Inside was enough. “Jun, this is Y/N. Y/N, Jun.”

You forced an uncertain smile and a quiet greeting. He beamed at you.

Jesus Christ, you were going to combust.

“I’ll leave you two to set up a schedule.” The teacher ducked out. No don’t go, I’ll straight up pass. . . . . Away.

You shifted awkwardly, even more afraid now that the adult was gone. Because of course you were. Time to fall back on your best excuse.

“My ride is actually here, and I don’t really want to keep them waiting,” you said. “Can we exchange numbers or something and maybe text tonight to set something up?”

“That’s fine!”

At least he was enthusiastic. You handed him your phone, trusting him to input his number as you input your own. You just titled the contact with your name. No need to be extravagant, even though you had all sorts of extravagant names. ‘Probably not captain america’ was your current personal favorite. Last week you’d had the sudden urge to change it to ‘extremely judgmental hat’. It wasn’t particularly funny, but it amused you.

You heard Jun laugh and your face caught fire. Did he see your contact names? Oh god, you forgot your dad’s contact was ‘overlarge lumberjack’. Did he know what that meant? Oh god. You had the sudden urge to hide yourself in a sweatshirt, but it was too hot for those still. Your short sleeved shirt didn’t exactly leave you much room to bury yourself.

He handed you your phone back, and you pocketed it, thinking that if he commented on how red your face definitely was you were going to blame it on a rare genetic condition and spew some sciency sounding words, like deoxyribonucleic acid and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. “I’ll text you tonight then?” you said, as though your brain wasn’t essentially that Spongebob gif where everything’s on fire.

“Yeah.”

You beat a hasty retreat, slinging your things into the backseat of your car and not truly relaxing until you pulled out of the parking lot, resting your head on the steering wheel at a particularly long red light. Technically you hadn’t lied to him, you reasoned. Being your own ride, you hadn’t lied when you said your ride was there, and you didn’t want to keep yourself waiting because your mind would eat you alive if you did you had homework you needed to do, but it still wasn’t quite the truth. Not a lie, a misleading truth, you reasoned.

But maybe that was just as bad.

The memory of your anxious words resonated through your skull, every little falter, every slightly off pitch, every piece of intonation. You groaned, the only thing keeping you from slamming your head into the steering wheel of your car being the knowledge that she would complain about it until the end of time itself. That was unusual for a car, but not for Wendy, evidently.

“Bad day?” her metallic voice rang in your ears.

“You could call it that.”

You were long unfazed by objects talking to you. Actually, you’d never been fazed. It took you seven years to realize it wasn’t something everyone could do, which was about two years too long.

The car huffed, a puff of exhaust rising behind you like an exhale. “Was it Derek? Tell me it wasn’t Derek. No, tell me it was. I’ve got a couple things I’d like to do to him.” Her engine revved threateningly.

“Not Derek, don’t worry. Just the guy I’m going to tutor. It’s stressing me out a little.”

“Is he like Derek? Do you need me to run him over for you?”

“No no no, he’s nice,” you hastily reassured her. “I mean, I think so anyway.” You’d thought Derek was nice too.

“Green light,” the car warned. You looked up and refocused on driving as the car continued speaking. “You just say the word and I’ll get him, sweetheart. I ain’t about to let another Derek get within ten miles of hurting my baby girl.”

“Me either,” you mumbled. Never again.

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Sorry about the shoddy formatting on the pics n whatever. I fiddled with the html but it didn’t do jack so idk what to do.

Anyway, update schedule’s the same as Stop Loving (my previous text story; a Choi Seungcheol Hanahaki AU if that sounds interesting). Next update should come between Thursday, January 24 and Saturday, January 26.

#seventeen #wen junhui #seventeen au #wen junhui au #junhui #seventeen scenario #wen junhui scenario #wen junhui imagines #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #wen junhui fluff #seventeen angst #wen junhui angst #i refuse to be subtle about the pairing in the tags

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janiedean · 5 years

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the gwendoline christie meet-up of doom recap

... wow it’s been a week and I still hadn’t managed to do it hahahaha ops. okay I hope I haven’t forgotten any details klfjlak anyway HERE HAVE THE FULL-ON RECAP OF THE GWEN CHRISTIE EXPERIENCE OF DOOM.

so: of course the con had to be in dortmund which meant that getting there directly was Not Doable and I had to go to @incblackbird‘s in belgium first and then take a bus with her to germany and back and guys let me tell you dortmund is a piece of work but it has a very nice subway at least. NOW, as everyone knows if they’ve been around here for more than one month I really have Personal Reasons To Be Into Brienne As A Character and since I was like ‘okay she does a lot less cons than most other got actors so idk if I’ll have a second chance to meet her I’m going all out on this’, instead of going empty-handed as I usually do because I have no imagination for gifts to the actors and I can’t exactly bring them fanfic I figured I’d polish some old meta, maybe write a bit about Brienne’s Importance As Rep For Not Standard Attractive People and give it to her. which was all good but since I also wrote some stuff on jaime and brienne for merel’s cersei book (which then obv. got edited to hell and back to fit that topic XD) I figured ‘heeey I can just put the unedited version in there as well’ aaaand.... then I was like ‘oh well if I went through all of asos then I should also do the jb-related parts in affc’ which added to the brienne-only related introduction ended up.... being..... long around 50k (with quotes of course but still) because of course WHO knows how to be a synthetic person around here? certainly not me. anyway, this was the thing:

(yes the cover is what it is but you don’t even wanna know the levels of GOING TO SLEEP AT THREE AM FOR TWO WEEKS PLUS PRINTING IT THE DAY BEFORE LEAVING that preparing it reached flgdsk)

soooo I’m skipping on organization-related details/trip details because no one needs to know and on saturday I get into the con place with my trusted and updated catelyn cosplay like THIS IS POTENTIALLY THE MOST EMBARRASSING CELEBRITY MEETING MOMENT IN MY EXISTENCE, I go to the panel where someone asked her about how she feels playing someone described as *ugly* in the book and she gave a honestly touching long answer about how she felt like it was a privilege because you don’t get many not-standard-attractive characters, that she wanted the role and she thought actually it wouldn’t be popular because *ugly* female characters aren’t usually popular and that she felt it was important to have more of that variety on tv and I was about like ‘oKAY NOW I KNOW I’LL NEVER SURVIVE THE AUTOGRAPH’. hahaha. soooo I tried to go and get it so we could do the photo op later but obv. the queue was long as hell and I got there just when she left for lunch so I had to do the picture before the autograph, now sadly since there was a long queue you couldn’t exactly do anything too complicated with the pictures but she 100% was lovely to everyone, said hi and goodbye to everyone who came up to her and she totes recognized the cosplay my heart. (also in the panel she said she wanted to resurrect cat BLESS YOU GWEN BLESS YOU.)

aaaand. you can probably see that I was about to go like OMG HOW DO YOU EVEN EXIST YOU’RE TOO MUCH FOR ALL OF US MERE MORTALS but anyway:

sjdgldsjk if I think about it I’m still like HOW DID IT HAPPEN HOW DID I SURVIVE IT. anyway.

after that I go immediately to autograph queue again and like I would like to specify that the queue was insane like there were a lot of people and while I was EXTREMELY happy to see it because your favorite getting long lines is always an extremely good thing I also was kinda worried they’d cut things short same as they did with the photo op and I wouldn’t have complained if they had because I totally get it was a lot of people but ANYWAY. I queue again (while @incblackbird was also there and probably being extremely amused at my distress), I get there, I miraculously don’t faint the moment we make eye contact (could have happened tbh) aaaand I go like ‘okay about that thing you said at the panel before when it came to representation, HMMMM I’ve got to tell you something’ and thank fuck no one stopped me, I managed to more or less tell her that I read the books before season two and I really had a not so mild case of relating to brienne because of shared life experience and I was really hoping that the show would find an actress who’d make justice to the character and she one hundred per cent delivered on that and then I probably went into a string of embarrassing compliments while still trying to sound like a reasonable human being (count that I hadn’t had time for lunch or anything so I was running on adrenaline lmao) aaaaand...... she answered going more in-depth about the stuff she said before in the morning for... a good five minutes actually? I mean we definitely talked about it and she said the same things except more one on one obv. and she also said that she had read the book and realized What She Was Representing but she wasn’t sure people would grasp it and I was like NOOOOO DON’T WORRY SOME OF US DEFINITELY DID and honest she really took the time to talk to me when there was a really long queue behind us and it wasn’t basic niceties - like I’ve done enough signings at cons to grasp the difference and it definitely wasn’t, I left her a copy of that meta in the middle of all of this and she was like ‘for one I wasn’t expecting for people to be as much into brienne to actually do this kinda thing’ or something like that and she also signed my copy... with the goddamned golden pen like after I show it to two people they go like ‘aw how cute she used the lannister pen’ and I was like ‘..................... LMAO I WAS SO STARSTRUCK I DIDN’T NOTICE’ ops /embarrassment anyway at some point saint merel goes like (because I had totally forgotten) ‘btw she came all the way from italy just to see you’ and she was like ‘WAIT REALLY OH WOW THANK YOU’ and I was like ‘NO THANK YOU IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT’ aaand we shook hands and I left after some good five minutes I think which is... kinda more than I ever talked with anyone in an autograph line in my entire life lol honestly I was just glad I didn’t end up doing something terribly embarrassing like dunno getting too emotional but thankfully I didn’t and it was honestly... really the best autograph experience I’ve had I think? or better time #1 with alfie allen also was great but I wasn’t exactly you know discussing stuff that was personally affecting me so yeah haha that was it and she was absolutely worth getting there and back and this woman is too good for this world and yeah. best idea I ever had tbh or top ten ideas I ever had a+ would re-do it in ten seconds.

(if anyone’s interested in the lannister pen autograph:

... aaand okay that was it when it came to gwen because she had no panels the next day and I used up both picture and autograph on day one but again, 100% worth it would re-do it immediately and she’s the best and yeah I’m still like DID IT HAPPEN and it’s been a week. she’s the best okay? k.

(also, someone’s already asked, so if anyone wants to know if I’m planning to share that meta: the ending was polished stuff that’s already on tumblr, I’m planning on posting the first part on here because it’s a question of principle and the rest I need to re-elaborate because at this point I might just throw in catelyn as well and do a full-on brienne text analysis idk but anyway at some point I’ll make it surface somewhere uu)

#gwendoline christie #brienne of tarth #jaime x brienne #tagging the ship because i figured it was relevant sorry for the tag spam guys #i'm still like WOW THAT HAPPENED WOW #ngl i'm really glad i did it #my face #dortmund comicon

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kyloswarstars · 6 years

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Mamma Mia!

Star Wars, Request AU

Request: can I request a modern!kylo ren x reader based on mamma mia!(Sophie’s plot) thankkk youuu

Pairing: Kylo Ren Organa x Reader

Warning: none (but swearing as always)

Words: 6.2K

A/N: First I was like „okay, who could be reader’s parents“, but then I was like „nah, I should do Sophie’s plot with Kylo of course…“ (idk if the request was meant that way in the first place anyways 🙈) Honestly, this was the hardest request yet (or story in general), but it was also super fun to write. I hope you can enjoy it! 😊 @buried-in-books thanks a lot for the amazing beta work 🤩💐 Any similarities to other writers’ work are not intended. All ideas used in a fanfiction I post are made up in my brain (as long as it is not a request).

∞ Tag: @lokey-bucky-stevey

/////

No matter how exhausting the last days of college for this semester had been, it couldn’t kill your positive vibes. It felt like your body was constantly producing a high amount of endorphins. It felt like this for nearly over a year now, ever since you had met Kylo on that rainy day where your dad’s jeep broke down on your drive around the island.

The jeep got repaired, though. Since you moved to O’ahu, your dad gave up on getting it back ever again and left it to you. It had been to his benefit: he could finally buy that new truck he always wanted and didn’t have to feel too guilty about it.

The drive from the city, directly to Kylo’s place, was too long today – even with your good mood; or was it because of your good mood? You had just finished the last exam, which meant it was officially summer break for you. It also meant there were only two days left until your wedding. Then the dork of a surfer dude would be your husband. You couldn’t wait for it anymore.

May was nearly over, still, there came in some good waves if you were patient enough to wait for them. Kylo was. He wasn’t a patient guy at all – the best example was the proposal at Christmas after roughly five months of knowing each other – but when it came to surfing, he was the personified patience. You pulled into the hostel parking lot, parked the jeep and walked around the building. Nine out of ten times he would be in the water when you arrived, whether it was surfing for fun or teaching it to some backpackers.

You couldn’t stand sand in your shoes, so you took them off and carried them along the beach. It was warm enough to wear shorts and a top, it was actually pretty warm – the summer started early this year. Wind blew over the beach, and it ruffled up your hair but that was okay. The wind brought a wave that revealed Kylo on his surfboard. He surfed it right to the beachside – that could only mean he had spotted you on the beach once again. Kylo had eyes like a hawk: he always noticed you approaching the water.

When your bare feet met the wet sand Kylo grabbed the surfboard under his arm and took the last few steps out of the water – with a huge, bright grin on his lips. The water must have a decent temperature for him to surf without a wetsuit. He dropped the board to the sand and slammed his arms around you. You’re clothes got soaked by his wet body. Kylo loved to do this every time you appeared on the beach when he was in the water. He swayed with you, tightly in his arms, from one to the other side.

„I missed you,“ Kylo whispered into your ear. The water in his hair dripped into yours.

„It’s only been like six hours.“

He broke the hug to look down at you. Kylo was so madly in love with you that even six hours were too long. He couldn’t remember anymore how he survived the three and a half months after your summer break until you finally moved to O’ahu. To be honest: he didn’t even want to think about it because he planned on never being so long apart from you ever again.

Kylo placed a kiss on your lips and another one on your forehead, then returned to staring at your face. Before you, he never knew that he could admire cheekbones and a jawline so much, or dark circles from weeklong studying for exams and simultaneously working at the gas station.

Your face was the only thing he wanted to look at for the rest of his life. Kylo would be alright if he couldn’t see the ocean anymore, or the sunset and the sunrise, as long as he was able to look at you. He didn’t want to miss a day where he could see your soul shine through your eyes right at him. You never did that with someone else, only with him, and that made it even more mesmerizing.

„Oi, Y/N!“ Behind Kylo appeared two guys you hadn't noticed before because your eyes had only been on him.

Poe and Finn stepped out of the water, in wetsuits. You knew them from several wedding preparation Skype calls. Kylo had told you he would get them from the airport while you were writing the last exam today.

„You’re here.“ Your clothes were wet already so you hugged them both at the same time, without even asking. „So nice to meet you in person.“ They agreed simultaneously with a ‚same‘ and instantly gave you an update on their flight. Poe mostly mentioned airplane stuff because he was currently studying to become a pilot himself one day; Finn talked about the toddler in front of them and how he made grimaces for her because she had cried a lot.

The three boys had a lot to catch up on, and it was cute to see Kylo with his two best friends. He missed them since they left the island for college, you knew that. He always talked about when they were kids and learned how to surf. When you didn’t study for college, didn’t work at the gas station, or didn’t spend time out on the water or with Kylo in general, you helped out at the hostel.

Leia, Kylo’s mother, has ran it for over fifteen years now. She founded it to create a welcoming and familiar space for backpackers and travellers with a low budget. Technically, it was a big family house where everyone integrated pretty fast to the community. Leia’s plan had been resistance. She didn’t agree with the huge hotels that demanded horrifying prices for one night. She believed that traveling was about an adventurous experience that took your breath away when you remembered it, not about worrying over a budget.

Most of the visitors stayed longer than they originally had planned because this hostel wasn’t only a hostel – it was home. When new travellers came in and there was barely space for them, Leia always figured something out. She had a talent for improvisation.

There were two young backpackers from Sweden, Vera and Sven, twins that explored the world together. You loved the fact that they, as siblings, went out into the world together. They had lived in the hostel for nearly four weeks now.

You headed over to the kitchen, leaving Kylo alone with his mates, to check and see if you could do something. Vera and her brother were washing some dishes, you helped them, and made sure they wouldn’t go out on a hike on Saturday. They assured you, again, they wouldn’t. You loved being at the hostel because you had made so many friends from all over the world. You loved even more that everyone that had checked in at the moment would be attending the wedding. One big family to celebrate with – it couldn’t get any better.

/////

Kylo lit the fireplace at the beach every night. It belonged to the hostel and was the evening hot spot for all the visitors, and for some neighbours too. Benches were made out of old palm trees – they weren’t as uncomfortable as you first imagined they would be.

„I need to tell you something.“ Kylo first looked at you. He felt guilty because he didn’t mention it to you before. Usually, it would’ve been something he would have discussed with you at the very beginning, but he had hesitated. And then the ‚right time‘ had passed and he felt like he couldn’t bring it up anymore. He looked to Poe and Finn. „I invited my father to the wedding.“

„You what?“ You looked at him in surprise, but it was probably more like shock.

Poe placed his beer in the sand so he wouldn’t drop it. „Dude, I thought you don’t know who your dad is.“

„Well, I still don’t know it.“

„Who did you invite then?“ Finn wore the most confused face.

Kylo got up and grabbed some new wood to put on the bonfire. „Three possible fathers?“

„What the fuck?“ He looked at you. Kylo loved your cursing, it was part of your humour, and he loved even more how you broke into laughter. Suddenly he didn’t know why he didn’t tell you right away, seeing your reaction. „How?“

„When I was clearing out the one room for renovation, I found an old box with photos. Mom used to do a lot of photography before I was born; she labeled every photo.“

„Let me guess,“ Poe stood up, „you found three photos of men that were labeled with the time she must have gotten pregnant with you?“

„Yo.“ He fished the photos out of his pocket, he carried them since he posted off the letters. They looked at the men and read the labels.

„And you decided to just invite all three of them?“ Finn’s voice was really high, he didn’t try to hide his confusion.

„Yeah. I didn’t know which of them would be my father… with all three of them I’m not doing anything wrong, right?“

Poe looked at Finn, Finn looked at you, the three of you looked at Kylo. He shrugged and sat down next to you again.

You turned him to you. „Why did you keep it a secret from me?“ It bugged you, but not too much.

„I don’t know. It won’t happen again.“

„Yeah, it won’t because we’re over if you’re doing this again, Organa.“

„Y/N!“ Kylo snapped hysterically.

„Only a joke, babe.“ You placed a hand on his thigh. Whenever you touched him or he touched you, all the people around you got unimportant. „You can keep as many secrets as you want. You’ll tell me when it’s time.“ His face lit up again in the bonfire’s shine. „But what did you think? What is supposed to happen?“

Kylo shrugged again – he liked to do that – and offered some thoughts on how he wanted this thing with the father to go. He didn’t have a real plan. He just sent them the invitation to the wedding and didn’t think about anything else. That was a typical Kylo move.

/////

On the days you didn’t have college, you always tried to eat lunch with your dad. Kylo joined the two of you sometimes, but today you drove off alone. He helped out in the hostel because his mother already made preparations for tomorrow. She wouldn’t let him do it as she insisted on doing it herself. Kylo couldn’t do anything about it; his mom was even more stubborn than he was.

„Excuse me?“ Kylo had done some paper work at the reception and looked up to see three men with luggage standing in the small entrance of the hostel.

„Hello there! Nice to see you, how can I help you?“ He stood up and walked around the reception. It was always a pleasure for him to welcome some business men, still in their suits. They would come to the hostel from time to time to relive some good old times. When he eyed them with full attention something felt odd. Those faces looked familiar. Kylo had seen them before. He had seen younger versions of them…

Fuck. The photo men.

Kylo stared at them for a solid minute. He tried to remember the photographs and compare them to the men in front of him. The one in the middle, who had ‚excused himself‘, must be Lando. Seeing him now, he wondered if he, being Kylo’s father, was even a real possibility. Lando’s photograph had been a black and white one, without much lightness; it didn’t show clearly how he had looked twenty-five years ago.

The man to Lando’s right was dressed in a suit as well. He wore a lot of pomade to keep the wild hair under control – this must be Wedge. He didn’t care about his hair back in the photograph, it had been a mess; just like Kylo’s was, he realised.

The third man stood in the doorframe, finishing his cigar and wearing the most funky Hawaiian shirt Kylo had ever seen. He instantly recognised this man: Han Solo.

„We are invited to a wedding tomorrow. Are we at the right place? Is this Leia Organa’s hostel?“ Wedge unbuttoned his jacket and took it off. It was pretty hot for the end of May. Kylo wondered how he had managed to wear it that long without melting. „It’s actually funny, we met at the airport and shared a taxi because we randomly found out we all have been invited to the same wedding.“

„Are you choking on your own spit, kid?“ Han flicked the remains of his cigar away and came closer. Kylo didn’t speak for three minutes now. He hadn’t thought about what would happen when the men would stand in front of him. Again he hadn’t thought. He always just did things, never thinking about the consequences.

„Sorry.“ He cleared his throat to win some more seconds, in which he could think about what he would do with them now. „You’re absolutely at the right place! Please follow me.“

„Shouldn’t we check in first?“ Lando called after Kylo, but he had already went down the hallway.

„Oh no, wedding guests don’t pay.“ The three followed him to the end of the hallway to the one big room that was still under construction. Later it would be a ten-bed room, but for now Kylo needed to find some old folding beds he could offer them. „By the way, I am Kylo and it’s my wedding you’re invited to.“

„Yes, right! You’re Leia’s son, right? It’s a nice gesture to invite us to her son’s wedding.“

Oh right. Kylo sent the invitations in Leia’s name because he feared they wouldn’t come if it wasn’t for her.

„Yes, I’m Leia’s son.“ Maybe yours too, Lando.

It took him a few seconds to nod his head at Kylo’s confirmation. They followed him to the room, but hesitated to really enter. It was a construction area, Kylo understood why they didn’t want to get in completely. „I’m sorry, we’re a little short on space.“

„That’s alright, kid. It looks cozy.“ The Hawaiian shirt walked past him and dropped his bag to the floor. Lando and Wedge didn’t look as comfortable with the situation like Han, but they didn’t say anything against it.

Shoving them into a room was enough, right? „Yo, see you then.“

„Wait!“ Wedge stopped Kylo from disappearing to a corner, where he could hide and curse over his own stupidity and the non-existing plan of how to handle the situation. He should’ve told you from the beginning; you were good with plans. Or common sense. „What are we supposed to do?“

„Stay in there?“

„No way, kid.“ Han grinned mischievously and, again, walked passed Kylo, but this time out of the room, instead of in. Lando didn’t wait long and followed him, just like Wedge. When Kylo realised, they were in the hostel, in his mother’s hostel, he rushed after them. He only told you and his best mates yesterday. His mother for sure didn’t know a single thing about those three man that were here.

Kylo caught up on them when they reached the beach behind the building. „Do you want to go out on the water?“ Please do. Far out, Leia wouldn’t notice them too quick. In the meantime Kylo could call you for help.

„That’s why we’re here, kid.“ Hawaiian-shirt-Han took off his sunglasses for the first time and used them to point at Kylo. „Do you have some boards?“

„Yeah.“ Kylo gestured to his left side. „I’m running a small surf school that belongs to the hostel.“ To his luck, they followed him to the shed where all the surf stuff was stored. They spoke about some summer on O’ahu: how the water had been their best friend, how life had turned out since then. They probably spoke about the summer Leia got pregnant with him, still they didn’t figure out that all of them were talking about nearly the same thing. They all mentioned a woman, but not even then did they get it.

When they treaded off to the water, Kylo pulled out his phone and dialled you. He gave you a rap about what had happened. You laughed at him, but assured you would come over right after lunch.

Kylo returned to the reception, but also kept an eye on the ocean. He should be out there, it was irresponsible to let them surf without him observing them. But he couldn’t tell his mother she needed to take over the reception, Leia would get suspicious.

Somehow he was able to get them back into the room after their surf session. Kylo promised them some lunch if they stayed in the room. They agreed.

He used all the cooking knowledge he had, which resulted into pasta with tomato sauce. You were a far better cook than him; you always worked some magic and cooked the most delicious meals. Kylo was only good with cutting the veggies and preparing all the stuff – onions were his speciality because nothing could make him cry besides you.

/////

Her knucklehead had vandalised the hostel kitchen. Leia hadn’t thought about searching for him there because when Kylo was hungry, he went to the family apartment’s kitchen. This mess could only be made by her son, and it was typical for him to leave a chaos behind when he cooked. She couldn’t truly understand why you had agreed to marry him because he had so much of Leia in him, but she was happy you did. Maybe he would finally move out after getting married to you and give her peace when she wanted to watch ‚Friends‘.

„Mom?“ Kylo returned with three empty plates to the kitchen. He was surprised to find his mother there, even though he shouldn’t have been because it already had been a wonder that she didn’t cross his path since the three possible dads had arrived.

„Son?“ She looked at him with her unapologetic stare. When she noticed the three plates, her eyes squeezed and she came closer. „What is going on?“

„Nothing.“ He walked around her and put the plates in the dishwasher.

„Kid? Could we get some water?“ No. NO. Kylo couldn’t react as fast as he wanted to to prevent the catastrophe. Han appeared in the doorframe. „Mamma Mia!“

„Han?“

„Leia!“

Both of them stared at each other. Leia in shock, maybe with an escape plan to leave the island, even if she needed to swim; Han in complete fascination.

„Fuck.“ Kylo didn’t know what he should do. Why didn’t you arrive yet? You were far better with delicate stuff like this.

„What’s going on here?“ Leia put her hands on her hips and stared at her son. The last time she gave him that look, he had lit up the old shed in his uncle’s backyard by accident.

As if the situation wasn’t bad enough, two low voices got closer to the kitchen. Soon, Lando and Wedge arrived behind Han.

„Leia!“

„Why are you here?“

The three men, hit by realisation, got into a discussion until Lando cut it. „We’re here because you obviously invited all three of us. To Kylo’s wedding.“

Leia scoffed. „Why should I invite someone to my son’s wedding? We’re living in the twenty-first century, the boy can invite people himself.“ She covered her face with her hands for a moment; she did that to regain control over her thoughts. „And if I invited someone, it for sure wouldn’t have been you.“ Leia turned to her son. „What did you do? You’ll be the cause for my heart attack one day!“

Kylo somehow managed to overcome his shock and asked the possible dads to return to their room. He would come and explain everything, but he first needed to talk to his mother. They unexpectedly followed his request and left.

„Son, what did you do?“

„Trying to get everyone together. The family.“

Kylo could see how the anger left her face instantly. The wrinkles around her eyes got deeper, the sorrow on her forehead made clear that she had aged in the past years. „You know what we think about this.“ Leia took his hands in hers and looked into his eyes. She felt a little guilty.

„Yes.“ She had raised him with the knowledge that she didn’t know who his father was, and that the two of them were ‚enough‘. They had been their own little family. „But I also want to find out who is responsible for the other part of me.“ She didn’t respond so Kylo went on. „I found those old photos and I just invited them. This wedding will be a huge one, with a lot of people that are not related by blood, but by heart with – I just want my father to be there, too.“

„Was it wrong, that I never showed you the photos?“ Kylo had never seen his mother so emotional about that topic. She was a tough woman that always proved herself. When it came to her son, she could get really sensitive.

„No, mom. It’s alright.“

„I’m sorry, Kylo.“ She kissed one of his hands.

„I didn’t know how I should tell you, but I want you to understand it, so you don’t feel like I don’t appreciate our family.“ He kissed one of her hands. That was a thing they did since he had been little. „The wedding, the marriage, Y/N – it will be a new step in my life. I want to evolve and become the man that is worthy of her. I want to know where my roots are. Especially since I know her, because one day I’ll hopefully be the father to her children, and I want to know how it feels to have a dad.“

She nodded her head. Leia was aware that the ideals she had been raising him after, couldn’t automatically be his. It was natural for a child to want to know where it came from.

„So you don’t know who my father is…“

„No.“ She released his hands and started to clean up his mess. „It could be anyone of them, actually.“

„Really?“ It had only been Kylo’s assumption until now. Though at the same time he didn’t think she was lying to him. He didn’t think she only told him that she didn’t know when, in fact, she knew. She wasn’t one for lying.

„Don’t look at me like that! Your mom had a lot of fun when she was young.“ She chuckled.

„We don’t doubt that.“ Kylo turned around and nearly dropped the pot with the pasta. Finally. He wasn’t one for love declarations in public, but after all the trouble this morning, he couldn’t resist. He bowed down to you, still the pot in his hands, and kissed you. Long and intensely.

Leia and Kylo alternated with each other to give the different views of what had happened. You managed to talk Leia into leaving for the reception and finished cleaning up the mess with Kylo.

In the meantime, the three possible dads had found out they all had a thing going on with Leia that summer. Still, they didn’t come to the final conclusion when Kylo and you arrived in their room. In fact, they all fumbled at their luggage and mumbled something about the airport.

„What are you doing?“ You could hear in Kylo’s voice that he didn’t want them to leave. Before you had interrupted him and his mom, you had heard what he had told her. You didn’t really want to listen in on them, but it had been too tempting.

„We came to the conclusion that Leia probably doesn’t want us here. We’re leaving.“ They would actually make a good boy band, you thought. Lando as the frontman, because he seemed to speak for all three of them, Wedge on the drums, and Han would be the crazy guitarist that shreds his guitar on stage every now and then, or all the time. He seemed like the type of guy that did only crazy stuff. Or at least that’s what his funky Hawaiian shirt said.

„But I want you there.“

„Kid, we thought we were here because Leia wanted us here. Sorry.“

„My name is Kylo, not kid, and I’m your son. Yours too, Lando. Wedge, same applies to you. As far as I know one of you is my father, so I want you all to attend our wedding as part of my family.“

The three possible dads, now aware of it, sat back on their folding beds. They needed a few minutes to overcome the shock. It surprised you that this fact seemed to bring them closer together. They discussed about it like they had been friends for more than half of a day.

„You know, I want the whole experience. I never had a father, so I’m okay with all three of you. If you’re okay too?“

Again, they talked about it like Kylo and you wouldn’t stand right in front of them.

„Alright.“

It took them a hour to adjust to the news. They didn’t flip, they were just highly confused about becoming fathers so suddenly. But becoming a parent was obviously funnier when the child was allowed to drink alcohol with you. Over some beers, they shared a lot of theories about how Kylo had Wedge’s hair and Lando’s eyes.

You excused yourself after some time to get out on the waves. Kylo wanted you to stay but he also didn’t want you to miss out on your daily surf dose.

He enjoyed talking to the men. They were actually the coolest dudes and he loved that they were here and were staying for his wedding.

Finn and Poe joined the boys in the afternoon. The evening quickly turned into Kylo’s stag night. A lot of beer, a lot of jokes, a lot of getting to know each other better.

You had spent hours out on the water, when you came back, you didn’t want to interrupt the stag night thing they had going on, so you stole a kiss from Kylo and said goodbye until tomorrow. He didn’t want to let you go so easily. It was the last day were you would be his girlfriend – technically his fiancée. Kylo stole some more kisses until he released you, so you could head to your car.

It felt wrong to open the car door and leave and not sleep over at Kylo’s place. Fuck the ritual of not sleeping in the same bed the night before the wedding; nothing or no one could hold you back from tugging yourself into Kylo’s sheets.

/////

Han opted out at some point. He had a mission. No plan, but he wanted to talk to Leia. He snuck around the hostel, searching for her. She crouched over a lot of papers at the reception.

„You raised a good man.“

Leia looked up. His voice could still give her shivers. „Did you expect something else?,“ she pursed her lips.

„I didn’t expect you to have a child at all.“

She crossed her arms as an answer and got up to stand in front of him.

„So I wasn’t the only one that summer, huh?“ His eyes beamed at her. He wasn’t mad, he was just fascinated to see her again. Over all those years, she had lingered in the back of his mind.

„Han, you still think you’re the only star in the sky?“ Leia had loved his stubborn head, and even his ridiculous self-confidence.

„I for sure know you are mine,“ he smirked. How could that man still work his magic the way he did twenty-five years ago?

Kylo turned away when he saw his mother kiss Han. He hadn’t expected to become a witness of such a scene on the way to the family apartment. In hope they wouldn’t notice that he had heard their conversation, he sneaked passed them and hurried to his bedroom. He found the sweetest surprise when he entered it: you, curled up in his blanket.

Kylo had hoped you would change your mind and stay over. It made him incredibly happy to be able to wrap his arms around you now.

You recognised his presence and pulled him closer, pressing against his chest. God, he couldn’t wait for tomorrow when you said ‚I do‘ and this here would be available for him the rest of his life.

/////

When he slept, Kylo’s facial mimic was completely relaxed. It was the most beautiful view you had ever seen. Most times you tried to count his freckles the Hawaiian sun had given him. You had stared at him for a long time already. You woke up when it was still dark outside; now the sun started to shine through the curtains.

„We’re gonna get married today,“ you smiled when he opened his eyes. Kylo wasn’t a morning person at all. Usually it took him a hour to process information with a tired brain, but today it worked faster. He nodded and managed the most sleepy, but happiest grin. You scooted closer to him, so you could kiss his adorable face.

A billion kisses and a coffee later, you drove back to your place. Your dad was already running in circles when you arrived. He was definitely more nervous than you.

„Do you want me to do your hair?“

You were a bad bride for not even thinking about your wedding hair until this very moment. „Sure.“

Your dad had obviously thought about it. He seated you in front of the bathroom mirror and rushed out to come back with a small bowl of freshly picked flowers. „I thought about putting them into your hair.“ You could only smile at how cute he was.

When your parents still had been together, your father always used to do your hair. He thought a dad should be able to do it – the ‚it isn’t manly excuse‘ never worked for him. You didn’t only move over to Hawaii for Kylo, but also for your dad. Living together with your mom had been alright, but living with your dad was far more funnier.

He was actually better at braiding than you were. He transformed two strands of hair, one from each side, into a crown. With the flowers, he placed in the crown, you felt like a fairy.

You’d been left alone to change into your wedding dress. Never had you dreamt about to marrying at twenty-two, but Kylo and you, that was far more than you ever thought could be possible. It’s not that you didn’t believe in true love, you just never expected it to be possible to fall so hard for someone.

The wedding dress felt odd. It fluttered around your ankles when you walked out of your room. You had expected to find your father right in front of your door, but he wasn’t waiting for you. Instead the front door was opened. When you went outside, you were greeted by cheers.

Your mom was here. And she had brought Rey and Rose with her, your two best friends from Florida. Those traitors had told you they couldn’t make it!

„Did you really think we would miss this day?,“ they screamed and rushed up the steps to engulf you in a group hug. Your dad recorded the scene with his phone.

„That’s not cool,“ you laughed. Actually, it was awesome.

Your mom had placed her hand over her heart and looked at you with that motherly pride in her eyes. She kissed you and then laid a white lei around your neck. „Are you ready?“

/////

You weren’t ready. Not even the slightest. The drive over to the hostel took ages, but at the same time it had been over too fast. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest when you got out of your jeep. Your dad wanted to drive you in his truck, but that way you would have had even more time to think about what you were going to do. Driving yourself, you had at least had control over that, when you didn’t have it over your heart.

Three hours ago you hadn’t been nervous at all, and now you were about to vomit because of what was ahead. You couldn’t understand it. Since his proposal on Christmas you had been excited for this day. Now, that it was here, it scared you.

„Take a deep breath.“ Your dad, who was by your side, took your arm and linked it with his. „That’s normal.“

„Are you sure?“

„Yes.“ He kissed your forehead and dragged you through the hostel to the beachside.

They had rolled over the old palm trees as benches and left space in the middle for an aisle. On each side of that aisle, a lot of people stood up to turn around and look at you, as your dad led you down the aisle.

There he was, at the end of the aisle. He looked so good in his shorts and the short-sleeved shirt. You didn’t know he would wear white too. The sight of him, and his smile, calmed you again. It was Kylo, get your shit together.

Your dad handed you over to Kylo when you arrived in front of him.

Holy shit, you looked so mesmerizing. Beautiful was an understatement. He tried to ignore the knot in his stomach. He tried so hard to enjoy this moment, to just see how fascinating you, and everything around, was. Still it didn’t feel right.

Kylo noticed you were shaking when he grabbed your hands in his. He had expected you to smile but you didn’t. Your eyes gave away that something wasn’t right for you either.

„Kylo,“ you leaned over to him and whispered into his ear, „I really want to marry you. Just not today.“

„Yes!“ He shouldn’t, for the sake of you, be so happy about your words. „Oh yes, thank you for saying this! It feels strange, right babe?“ Kylo wrapped his arms around you. He couldn’t believe, that what he wanted for so long wasn’t the thing he still wanted. Not now.

„Can we just wait a little? Like a year? Or ten?“

„Absolutely.“ He peppered you with kisses. Over and over again his lips crushed into yours. Until the crowd got too loud with shouts that demanded an explanation on what was going on.

Kylo looked into your eyes to make sure of your agreement before he turned to them. „No wedding today, folks.“

The guests, your parents and Leia, your friends, even the three dads erupted into loud questions. After the initial shock, some started to laugh and gave remarks about how it should have been obvious something like that would happen with the two of you.

Kylo and you walked down the aisle, together, but not married like you thought you would do it when you woke up today. You felt relieved. You loved that dork so much, but for a marriage, it was a little too early.

„Maybe you’re wrong, kid.“ Kylo stopped in his tracks, you too. Han took the place where Kylo had stood just moments ago. Everyone got quiet. „Come on, Leia.“ He called it over the whole beach.

Kylo could make out his mother in the first row. She gasped and hid her face in her hands again.

„The only reason I came to this island is you.“ Han’s grin was so bright, it actually outdid the sun. He looked at Kylo. „Sorry, kid.“

Everyone noticed the tension. Everyone knew this wasn’t a joke or completely absurd because otherwise Leia would have already protested.

/////

„I can’t believe we didn’t marry.“ Kylo drove your jeep. You had planned to go on a little honey moon with your tent around the island. Not saying ‚I do‘ wasn’t a reason on why you shouldn’t make a little trip anyways.

„I can’t believe your mother did.“

It had been the strangest day ever. Kylo got three new dads, Leia got a husband, and you the reassurance that Kylo loved you even without a wedding certificate.

„Kylo?“

„Yeah?“ Even with his sunglasses on, you could see him smiling with his whole face.

„Pull over.“ You unbuckled your seatbelt before the car came to a complete stop. „I need to kiss you.“ It went on like this for the next few days. You couldn’t get enough of him and never would. There would come the day when it would be right to marry him. Until then, you would gladly be ‚only‘ his girlfriend.

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landofsomethingsomething · 7 years

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how did you get so good at character & story analysis? like you only started homestuck near the end, and in that short time you've developed a deeper understanding of the characters and themes than people who have been involved for years (i.e. me, a dumbass who only figures this shit out after people like you talk insightfully about it).

I honestly & truly believe that I benefited TREMENDOUSLY from starting near the end, actually. When you start at the end of Homestuck, you get to read the entire thing at once, the way you would experience most types of heavy narrative focused media. You get the whole story in one (months long in my case but at least continuous) bite.

When you are following any media update by update -- this goes for like, everything, comics, TV, etc -- you tend to be more easily distracted and misled by both intentional and unintentional red herrings. Like, so many Big Historical Homestuck Fandom Arguments were ROOTED in tons of significance being attributed to things that, on a fresh archival read, were completely inconsequential. When a 10 page update ends on a cliffhanger and you don’t get another update for a week, that’s a week that the entire fandom has to tear itself apart over every tiny little detail in those ten pages, because that’s all they had. And they did.

And some of those little details mattered, of course, but MOST of them didn’t. It’s that old adage about “can’t see the forest but for the trees.” When you’re following something bite by bite, the bite in front of you is the Most Important Bite, repeated for every new update, forever, and it completely skews your reading and perception of something because it’s so much harder to plug This Piece into the bigger picture. You don’t really care about the bigger picture, because the whole story is years or months or whatever away from being done, you in fact don’t know if it will ever even truly finish, and what matters is what you have in the moment.

More importantly this leads to just like. Rampant fanon. Just rampant, rampant fanon stuff completely based off hyperfocusing on individual updates and taking every little thing from them and going hog wild. In the spaces between updates, the fandom gives the canon a new layer of meaning. The fandom fills gaps with its own interpretation of what’s going on without the benefit of knowing what’s next. The fandom decides what it WANTS to come next and huge swathes of dedicated, passionate people are either disappointed horribly when they’re wrong or vindicated when they’re right or somewhere in between.

So you get like... I guess the biggest example of this is the Retcon.

I have never met an archival reader, someone who did not start homestuck until the ending or just before the final updates, who hates the Retcon. I have met some who will talk about what it could have done better, and the ways in which the device succeeded or failed, and some with mixed opinion, but I have never ever met an archival reader that HATES the Retcon with the passion that so many of those people who read update by update do.

I know people who I otherwise respect and regard highly who like, for example, can’t get into Davekat as a pairing because it’s representative of the Retcon to them and it ruins it completely because they cannot connect to it or see it as “real.”

Because a week between updates is one thing, but eight months? an entire year? That was a LOT of time for people to get attached to things the way they were in those pre-pause updates. That was a LOT of time for people to pore over every piece of canon that came before those pauses over and over and over and over and decide what they wanted and become SO attached to the characters and story and plotlines how they were.

My wife tells me stories about how everyone did a “homestuck ending bingo” right after the update that kicked off the long pause before Game Over. Everyone was so excited to see what would happen next, how the characters they loved so much would overcome this insane trial, how it could possibly continue, how the plotlines would resolve.

And instead, everyone died. John came in and fixed it all by branching them to another reality, where suddenly, these things that people had spent a literal year investing in so utterly were just... gone. Erased. In some cases almost literally never mentioned again. They never got to see the resolutions they wanted and they felt it was unfair and they were duped and etc etc etc the backlash against the retcon is something every homestuck fan is familiar with.

But to circle back to my original point -- Archival readers just absolutely do not GET that. The version of Dave and Karkat and Terezi and Rose and Kanaya and Jade and John and EVERYONE that existed right up until Game Over were characters hurtling to an obvious Bad End, and the way it went down, archival readers have an easier time processing and understanding and accepting, because we didn’t have the time to get attached to point-in-time versions of things.

My wife tells me stories of the days when Kare//zi and Joh//nKat were heavily shipped and it’s surreal to me, because from MY perspective, those were blips on a radar. Kare//zi was so early in Karkat and Terezi’s story that to me it was just like, oh, interesting, a failed relationship that informs things about both their characters that they moved on from naturally into other things. (I don’t mean to pick on that ship, btw, it’s just a good example of something that was EMBLEMATIC from a point-in-time perspective that an archival reader would never really hang so much weight on, because it’s there and then it’s gone and we didn’t have weeks and years of space between updates to ruminate on them as a couple or assume that the relationship would continue to be a flagship and how it would evolve in that role.) There are so many more examples.

I find this with the Alphas, too -- Archival readers overall seem to genuinely love the alphas more, on the whole, than people who read episodically (who tend to favor the betas, or the Act 5 trolls.) Archival readers tend to leave the experience MOST attached to characters and relationships that survived to the end, because when you read it as a full narrative beginning to end, that’s just kind of a natural thing that happens.

Anyway this post is already way too long, but my point is basically, the experience of reading homestuck from beginning to end all at once with very little knowledge of it going in is COMPLETELY different from the experience of reading it episodically. The emotions you have and the things you care about and just the FEEL of your entire experience is so different.

And yes, I think the archival experience is “better,” when it comes to like, an understanding of the work as a whole? I don’t think this just with Homestuck, btw. I feel this way about, for instance, episodic television shows that tell ongoing continuous stories too. I much prefer to binge watch an entire series on netflix in a week than to watch every friday because I just GET things better. I feel I come away with a more complete experience.

It’s a trade off, obviously. Reading episodically is better for like, having the FULL homestuck as an explosively popular fandom experience. Us archival people will never know what it’s like to have been around in the full swing of Homestuck’s popularity, never be able to roll around in the absolute GLUT of content that was out there, never be able to engage with SO MANY diverse voices and opinions, never be able to ride the high that comes with caring a lot about one of the most popular fandoms around. We’ll never have memories of this update or that update or what arguments and discourse and fanwork and other stuff spawned from this or that, we missed a lot of cool stuff I’m sad to have missed, and a lot of terrible stuff I’m glad to have missed, but yeah.

But an episodic reader will never get to be able to read Homestuck from beginning to end with no preconceptions or biases formed from their earlier experience or the hopes and wants and theories they had the first time around, update to update. They’ll never get as clear a picture of the Whole Story.

It’s a tradeoff. Idk. I’m glad I came in when I did, overall, but I think that most people feel that way about their own experience with it.

All this to say, I think that the things I and other archival readers are able to connect over the course of the long narrative are less because of any outstanding individual ability in analysis (although I mean, obviously there is some of that or we wouldn’t be meta blogging in the first place) but rather just a simple raw advantage of extra clarity because of our late arrival.

#homestuck #text #asks #sorry this got real long #but i think about this a LOT honestly #Anonymous

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survivorathena-motunui · 7 years

Text

Ep. 8: Jury Duty and Lower Andes are the Real Threats ~ Drew

Anyway it flopped and backfired and Kevin went home and I hope he still likes me.

Here are my parting words. Fuck Ashley and Keegan (probably). The only people I can trust are Jay and my goddamn dog. Kevin out

Okay so I was at work all day and while that was going on Ashley caught on to Jay and Kevin possibly feeding info to Drew. Or at least that's what JD and LA said. So, they switched their votes to Kevin. Which after a quick discussion with Ashley 5 minutes before the votes were due, we agreed it's probably for the best. So Ashley, JD, LA and myself all voted for Kevin. And Jay got a self vote. So with that, Kevin went home. And he said he had an idol in his pocket. Moving forward, it looks like Ashley, JD, LA and myself are now working together, rather than the Wholesome Happening. Is this a good thing? That remains to be seen. But at the moment I'm safely in the majority. And LA, Drews highest target is still in the game, providing me with a bit of a meat shield. This is a crazy game and so much is going on .

That.... Was not exactly what I thought was going to happen tonight but another potential number for Drew is gone. Hopefully, if we can get him to NOT BE IMMUNE, then we could MAYBE get him out. We still need to be weary of the idols and whatever. RIP Kevin. Poor baby.

I swear to God. In this game I am Spiderman.... You know. My spider senses are tingling.... Or Deadpool, he's Canadian and he had a moment of "my common sense is ringing"

I am truly amazed that we made it through that round. Am I happy with the way that is upset Jay? Hell no. Do I care? In the game no I don't care, in real life yeah I care. I'm not kidding when I say that I adore Jay, I'm just hoping that she doesn't hold it against me. But I would like to add that one the flip side of that, after tribal, Ashley told me that that herself, Keegan, Jay and Kevin were all working together and they were planing on taking out LA so, that is a huge reason why I don't care (in game) that she's upset. She ended up self voting because she had a headache, fare. If I have a headache I don't want to be anywhere where I have to think. If nothing else she knew almost all day that I was looking at voting Kevin and her only argument agent it was that it was a bad idea. I don't wanna say that she staged her headache, but it came at a very perfect time to keep herself natural. if it was a plan it was a good one really, I mean me and Lori don't look at her any different. She was always a number for me rather or not I was going to go to the end with her. Anyway, I tried to get Drew to give me the Rainbow Idol today, I think I almost had it too but I think in the end he felt that LA was going to go home anyway and I was going to be bitter and I wouldn't have given it back. The real question was if I was actually going to give it back or not. IDK! Probably, unless he won the next challenge, then I would have held it hostage so I didn't get sent home with it. Or I would have tried to use it to send him home, I don't really know what it does so I'm also unsure what I would have done with it. So other then my big melt down that I am surprised didn't send me home, like why did they still vote for LA? If that was my group I would of had them switch the votes. like the first time Drew does not win immunity, I probs wont vote for him, might go for Jack instead. I really do need to send Lori home though, I can't go to the final with her other wise (if Jay is not with me) I can hear her question already and I don't think it would be good... Probably me to Lydia in my season. I was not the nicest person ever. I think that at this point everyone knows that I have an idol, I think that Kevin went home with one and Jack has the other one? Maybe, if I heard him right. Anyway, it wouldn't have mattered if Kevin had the idol or not, it really came down to Keegan and Ashley on that one, the only way that Kevin would have been comfortable enough not to play it was if he knew he had the numbers. BTW AMANDA! That was a very long pause at tribal! Whos gonna play it... Probs because I ranted in the host chat about my metal struggles. Anyway.... I'm obsessed with this face so have another one:

You wanna know how I feel about tonight? About my biggest ally and only real friend going home because of MY stupid ass plan? About being totally out of the loop with my allies? About everybody being angry at me and yelling at me in pm about how stupid and frustrating I am? About BEING as stupid and frustrating as I am? About spending two hours making a spreadsheet for the challenge and then fucking up after ten minutes even though I'm literally gonna go home without immunity?

I just fucked up in the challenge, I feel like I didn't make it high enough to win which sucks cause I'm pretty sure I needed to win this one.

Kevin was voted out, and it's a good thing because it seems like he flipped which is what we were worried about.

Jay is upset though? I get it seems like we've all paired off but I can't go to ftc with JD and apparently she was using my name last round, its only a matter of time before one of us actually goes for the other.

I'm also unsure if Jay is really upset or playing us, which sounds terrible but people say she's a really good player and this would be a good move. I DON'T KNOW. I like Jay and don't want her upset but I also don't wanna be played, the struggle of this game.

The last thing is JD claims to have an idol now. Kevin said he had one too and someone already used an idol ? so I don't know.

Only thing I know is Drew needs to stop coming at me every tribal.

I'm so sad. I miss Kevin. I don't trust JD and LA and I don't trust Drew even though he's being nice to me and Jack hates me and I'm assuming Keegan and Ashley don't like me because they never talk to me. I know I'm objectively in an okay position because I'm still in the middle, but I'm tired of the middle. I'm mad at the initials and I'm sad.

So Lori said she flipped this challenge with 40 bundles. I'm hoping this turns out like post every ten minutes challenge cus she thought she flipped that one too. I've got 61 so if she flipped then I really didn't do that great ether.

Okay 110th confession today. Time for a classic Jay B confession. Anyone who's hosted me knows. It's the confession where I decide it's time to go balls to the wall. To really go for it in the game and stop giving a fuck. So that's the plan. Drew has one of the most crackedt plans I've ever heard up his sleeve, and I live for it. Everyone who's wronged me can vote for me at the end. Everyone left in the game (besides Jack hi) has done better than me in any game I've ever played. I deserve better. Fuck everyone except me. Villain Jay is coming out to play. She's back. She's in. She's going to kill everyone. I don't care. Goodbye.

Still unsure about where Jay really stands and JD needs to go, jfc. At this point it feels like she's running the game, along with Keegan and Ashley. I don't wanna suggest blindsiding Keegan right now because I think Jay will flip when we do but idk. I also have to work soon so I can't plot for long. fsdghriuhdfgdf.

So! Here's the tea! The tea, besides the fact that I'm going to win, is that I'm with Jack and Drew. Basically, I really really feel like the initials have been playing me this entire game. Love them to death, really, but. Well. JD put my position into perspective when she told me the plan for tonight (hers is 3 on jack, 2 on drew, supposedly) and said "Ashley and Keegan are already on board with it." Look JD, if ashland and kegels are your f4, you need to be way more subtle. If you're making me choose between being #5 in one alliance and #3 in another, it's probably better for me to be #3. I'm the only person who doesn't have an f2, so all I have is to pray that this season is an f3 and stick with the people who can get me there. If I could get the initials to go for Keegan or Ashley tonight instead of drack, that would be ideal, but if they won't, then I'm definitely done voting with them. So there's what's happening, confessional gods. ________________________________________________________________ Update I just had the ugliest realization of my life. My best chance to win. Is. To go with. Keegan and Ashley.

I'm dying tonight. Or rather, I truly hope I am not dying tonight, but I am more than willing to put myself at risk to follow my gut. I've been holding onto the hope that one day Alley and Kieran would see reason. That Jury Duty and Lower Andes are the real threats, they're the only ones who can beat each other. And every time, both of them have turned against me, Ashland especially. Jack-O-Lantern Designs literally has immunity and a hidden immunity idol, and a best friend in Legal Analysis. On the flip side, Laser Attention has the battered player syndrome of having to survive being targeted so long to get to the end. IT'S INSANE TO STICK WITH THEM. And yet Geaken and Halsey seem to be perfectly fine with either 2nd and 3rd, or 3rd and 4th, or 4th and 5th. So I've given up on them. Tonight, Jay has been told in her alliance chat with Jefferson Davis and Lily Aldrin that the vote is going to split 3-2-2, to prepare for my idol. She says they're leaning toward 3 on Jack and 2 on me, because the majority of idol possibilities, minus the topaz idol, would still leave them with some form of revote possibilities. I do have the topaz idol, but I feel like that's completely irrelevant. I'm not playing it on myself. They lied to Jay about voting for Kumquat after Steven, and then they lied again to send Kevin home. I don't trust this plan is real, I can't for even a second, because I don't think they're gonna go with a plan that leaves them that vulnerable. So the topaz idol is being played on Jay B tonight. She doesn't know it. Jack doesn't know it. No one knows it but me. And I suppose now you as well, dear readers. But I genuinely believe that their four are going to vote for Jay and blindside her and get me to flush my idol, and they'll all be fine. They'd still have to contend with me, but they'd have four strong. Anyway I guess if this is my last episode, it's a really good bookend to my Athena journey. My first game, I got sent home because of an idol, because I didn't follow my gut and got it played on the wrong person. This season, if I go, it's not because I sat here trying to protect my own interests. It's because I followed my gut to its logical conclusion and gave myself the potential for keeping my best chance of making it to the end. I hope I'm right, I hope I'm not buying myself 7th place, I hope I'm still here tomorrow, but I'm okay with this. This feels right.

Apparently JD/LA/Keegan/Ashley are splitting votes on me and Drew? Unless they're lying, then probably they're all voting Jay. We're gonna try to vote for Ashley I think? My only chance at making ftc is to look confused, which... isn't very hard.

So it's a double tribal sort of tonight. Tribal, challenge, tribal. All within a single night. RIP. So JD is spewing out all these scenarios and ideas for how we should vote and I guess it's fallen into 3 votes for Drew and 2 votes for Jack. Honestly though I think that's a waste. Drew has that rainbow idol and I can 100% guarantee he's playing it tonight, so why throw so many votes on him when we know they'll be negated? But it's JD's plan so when it fails and LA is likely voted out, we can push the blame onto her. Which is fine. I think Ashley and I are in a pretty good spot. We've got LA and JD as one alliance and then another with Jay. As long we don't get votes sent towards us for either of these tribals we'll be golden. If we vote out Drew or Jack at the first tribal, it could be best for Ashley and myself to then flip it around and vote out LA or JD. We need to keep ourselves on the top.

So this day has been interesting. I'm now at the point where I'm betting my idol to people that I'm not sure if I even want to go into the end with. I'm so unsure if I want Ashley and Keegan with me or not because I feel like they just know more people and those people could very easily asssume that they did all the stuff and I just came along for a ride. I would be the 3ed, there is no way around that but I don't wanna be the 3ed. But I can't make a move on then yet because without them I don't have the numbers. Okay so the day started with me at work going over ..... Wait maybe I should go back a little father. Like day before yesterday, when Kevin got voted out the 'i killed and eel, I buried it's guts' alliance started but I wasn't a huge fan of it cus I like Kevin and I feel like he was the eel. I want to say that maybe we shouldn't have voted him out but there was no other way, during that vote it was clear that he had flipped on us so he had to go. So anyway, I told them I'd go to the final with them. I mean if everyone thinks i have finals with everyone else then I might as well do it. Can't have people thinking that I do t want to go with them but that is go with the rest of the tribe. Earlier me and Keegan had worked out a plan to vote 3votes for drew, 2 votes for Jack and 2 votes for whoever they vote for. I worked though 4 possibilities. And only 1 has any real negative on them because of the possibility of all vote to Drew turning into votes for the person Drew votes for. So whoever him and Jack vote for will end up with like... Enough votes to go home. In my mind that is LA, the only reason he would have to change his vote is of he knows I have the idol and that I am playing it on her. Which I'm not and jay say she didn't tell him so there should be no reason to change the vote. And I louse my alliance member. 2. Top two votes are safe and in a 2-2-3 with LA, Jack, and Drew. They are all save and then we would have a re-vote (or maybe Amanda will take us right to rocks to save time but I didn't tell them that one) 3. Drew's idol can be played after the vote which, as far as I know has not been done before so idk if Amanda would put it in a second chance season. But if that's a thing then there would be a toe and a re-vote and goodbye jack 4. Most unlikely and now near impossible. Jack and drew uses idols and LA goes home. But Jack said he hasn't been to the reef I a long time. That being said I don't think he'd have been able to get the idol, the rainbow idol. He's just too.... Not into it I guess. But what better what to hide it then to to have your alliance member say they have it and then play dumb. Anyway, me and Keegan bother got the beginning idols, Kevin might have gotten the one after merge andif jack hasn't been to the reef in a wheelchair he wouldn't have gotten the one Keegan had used. So it was set that we would do a 3drew, 2jack vote. But now it's all kinds of fucked up. In 100% sure that Keegan and Ashley are flipping while I am saying this. They are probs gonna promise not to vote for drew and they will probs vote for jay. Because they don't trust her and if they find out that drew isn't using her then why keep her and I have immunity and an idol. I could use my idol on jay, assuming that my gut is telling the truth and they are flipping. My guy has very rarely been wrong and if that is all the case then idoling Jay is the best move. But at the same time I'm just like... Jay thinks that drew is convinced that she is with him. But ready... If he took jay over Keegan and Ashley then he wouldn't really have the numbers. It's going to be one hell of a night and we'll see what happens.

#boardmyboat #confessionals

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