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thelovelyghostwriter · 3 years

Note

do you think kuraneon is gonna be canon in the official hxh universe and what must have happened?

Whether or not they would be canon is up to Sir Togashi himself. While he does have romantic elements in his previous works like Yu Yu Hakusho and Ten de Showaru Cupid, it's not as explicit in HxH (e.g. Meruem/Komugi).

If you asked me this before knowing about the KuraNeon Marriage Theory (will give a link in the reblog later on) and KuraNeon paired up in mobile games, I would have said "0% chance" because we do not see them interact on-screen (even if I had shipped them since I first laid my eyes on Neon).

However, it is kinda sus that Kurapika became a Nostrade Family Young Boss; with Light and Neon nowhere shown. The more "accepted" theory is that Light is unable to continue and Neon is dead (although I do have rebuttals about Neon being dead - that's another conversation). I do wonder why he had to keep their mafia family name - there is no reason to if he truly let them wither. But from Light's last appearance in a manga panel, Kurapika did reassure him that he'll handle everything and you see the Nostrade mafia family organisation doing well under Kurapika. Which is also why my friend went to bring up that plausible KuraNeon Marriage Theory.

I know that a lot of people think they don’t interact, but that is on-screen. After York New City arc, we don’t see Kurapika until way later, however him being in charge as the Nostrade Boss indicates that he stayed with the Nostrades. God knows what they did while living under one roof.

Another thing that is major sus is the mobile games. Even non-shippers are baffled why KuraNeon is a thing. Kurapika and Neon are seen dressed as Hikoboshi and Orihime in two sets of the mobage cards; a romantic couple that is known in a Japanese legend and celebrated on 7 July (Tanabata Festival). They are even shown writing on coloured papers in one of the cards + Kurapika holding a bamboo - these coloured papers are used during the Tanabata festival where wishes are written on them and hung on bamboo. It is believed that the reunion between the two lovers Hikoboshi and Orihime are so joyous that they grant the wishes of the people. As far as I know, the only pairing that gets to have a Orihime/Hikoboshi theme in their cards is Machi/Hisoka; and we do see Hisoka/Machi having a soft spot for one another in canon (in the current arc, Machi does patch him up after his defeat and Hisoka spared her).

Hmmm.. I should make a post about this whole Tanabata thing actually. Asides from that, they are also the v-day banner in 2019 for the games and she gave him a cake during the valentine’s day event, to which showed a scene of him thinking about what to give her back (and low and behold, Kurapika’s White’s Day card featured him with a gift and him wearing the same outfit of the scene where he thought about what to give her).

In a separate mobile game, they have a special attack together. Their mobage cards have identical backgrounds and themes. Therefore, it isn’t just one mobile game that does this. It makes me wonder why the official team devs do that when this pairing shipping sub-fandom is really small and many even dislike it.

Even as a shipper, it also baffles me why devs do that when they have little screentime together (gotta be more objective here). If you do consider the KuraNeon Marriage Theory or consider that they might end up together in the manga, it makes sense why the official hxh game devs pair them together. And I am unsure about the source - but I think for Japanese manga production of non-manga material, you need approval from the writer? All the more to be suspicious of the mobile games that contains KuraNeon above every single pairing out there.

Hence, if you ask me, there is a chance of Kurapika/Neon being canon. How that might happen is a little tricky and depending on the type of portrayal they will be (I have four interpretations of this ship on my pinned post lol).

I’m not sure if you only define canon as the vanilla/romantic type, or it also includes one that is a little twisted. I've noticed that hxh has friendship and family dynamics that are already complicated and not as wholesome as one would think. I do believe that if KuraNeon were to be canon, it would be the latter interpretation.

There are actually a few things that are needed to be considered for it to happen: 1) Neon’s fate - she needs to be alive (or maybe not) Now, a lot of people believe she died because Chrollo’s book speculates that she does. However, we don’t see her dead body. It’s literally just Chrollo’s interpretation. This is contrasted by Kurapika that states that the previous Scarlet Eye owners did not need to be killed (and the “daughter of a mafia leader” is one of them). If the daughter of a mafia leader is truly Neon, then it brings a question of who should you believe more: Chrollo or Kurapika? (Imo it’s super interesting how these two guys who are enemies have different narratives on the same girl).

Of course, there was this potential discrepancy I found while re-watching this arc. The Scarlet Eyes that Kurapika bidded for 2.9 billion was a fake. They thought it was stolen when Squala took it with him and died - but it was actually that Kortopi’s Gallery Fake copy disappears after 24hour. So technically, the Eyes is with the Troupe. Now, assuming that Togashi has not forgotten this detail (I believe he still remembers), I do think that it is possible that since Chrollo is the type to get bored of the stuff he steals, he will just sell it and it will be obtained by the later owners. As for “the daughter of a mafia leader”, I’m sure it’s Neon that Kurapika is referring to - be it him mentioning her as merely a previous owner despite the set of Scarlet Eyes being “stolen” or she bought another set. (There is a chance that is not Neon, but another daughter of a random mafia leader, but what are the chances of another daughter being like that?)

I guess I just wanted to point this detail out because many people readily believed Chrollo’s book (it was not even himself). He stated that he did not know when it disappeared.

As for that “Hisoka killed Neon” theory, while it is believable and interesting, the only thing that is doubtful for that is that a) Hisoka could not have gone off to kill Neon in such a short period of time, b) that would be an insult to Kurapika’s capabilities if she was under his care, c) the fortune-telling ability doesn’t bother Hisoka. Pakunoda and Hisoka had a short conversation about the fortune and both of them acknowledged that the future changed. Hisoka wrote over his fortune despite having a good one to manipulate the events in hopes of fighting Chrollo - that is an indication of his belief that he writes his own future, and therefore which is why I argue that the fortune-telling ability never bothered him.

As for the “Kurapika killed Neon” theory, I think... they all need to get one thing straight about Kurapika: as much as possible, except for the spiders, he doesn’t kill (or at least dislikes to kill). He stated that none of the owners had to die even if two preferred to die. If there’s a way, he will not shed blood. Besides, Kurapika doesn’t actually hate Neon - contrary to popular belief. There wasn’t a single manga panel that indicates his hatred for her; or even annoyance. It was only the time where Mellody mentioned that he will kill her if she stands in the way, but Kurapika, as much as mentioned before, doesn’t kill if there is an alternative way.

I have yet to fully explore possible reasons why Neon’s ability disappears from Chrollo’s book if she’s still alive (my friend thinks it’s related to Kurapika’s dolphin ability). However, there are many rebuttals to the theories on how she died.

But yeah, I think for it to be canon, Neon has to be alive. Unless... they were already canon and he sailed to the Dark Continent and she died slightly before that event (tbh I rather not have this).

2) Kurapika’s fate - he needs to live

Number 2 is a condition is if they aren’t canon yet before he sails to the Dark Continent.

One thing that confuses people is that they think that just because Kurapika is under the Kakin Employment, it means that he is no longer affiliated with the Nostrades. The Kakin Employment contract is temporary - he is still affiliated with the Nostrades (and their business is bodyguarding, take note). As for him being in the Zodiac, he is still the Nostrade Family Young Boss - being part of the Zodiacs is like some political committee.

I know there are rumours (I say rumours cause I don’t see the interview script by my own eyes) that Togashi once indicated that the Phantom Troupe and Kurapika will all die. I do think that Togashi can kill one of his main characters, but there’s one thing that makes me question whether he changed his mind: Nitro Rice from the Dark Continent.

The Nitro Rice is a thing in the Dark Continent that prolongs one’s life - a direct solution to Kurapika’s Emperor Time problem. I think if he does last until they reach the Dark Continent, he has a chance to prolong his lifespan that he has lost while using Emperor Time.

Now, if he indeed gets to survive, manages to complete his mission, there’s another problem he will face: a will to live. Because currently, all he has ever lived for is bringing justice to his clan. Beyond that, what can he live for? Which kind of makes the ending for him to happily live with someone (be it his friends or having a family) a suitable one.

3) Neon’s development

Neon is seriously misunderstood among the fandom - even her personality. I’ve seen a lot of Kurapika x (other character) ships where Neon is the 3rd party in fanfics; and it is a one-sided love.

However, Neon is actually an emotionally detached person while Kurapika is the one that gets attached to people, even if he initially avoids them. Neon has what psychologists will call “Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style” while Kurapika has “Avoidant-Fearful Attachment Style”. This is rightfully so due to their different backgrounds. I actually believe that between the two of them, Kurapika will be the one who falls first or if this is one-sided, Kurapika is the one that likes her because of their attachment styles.

Neon has zero friends, is materialistic and lacks sympathy for dead people (the complete opposite of Kurapika). She believes in focusing on the present and the living (it’s actually a pretty good principle to live for). She needs to learn how to be more attached to people and learn compassion - which she actually is seen as being capable of. She was surprised that Eliza broke down and cried, and even forgo bidding physically. I think this is an indication of her starting to feel sympathy for people and perhaps being more mature - cemented by the fact that she lost her powers.

Therefore, I do think she needs to learn how to warm her heart up to people (which she might have already started to after the York New incident) if she were to feel something for Kurapika.

4) Kurapika’s view of her

Okay, this is one factor that is either you take it the vanilla way or the kinky way lmao. I actually wrote a Cognitive Dissonance Theory for Kurapika on my Tumblr post for this one (will try to link it in the reblog).

Kurapika’s initial belief is that flesh collectors are scums who should be arrested, yet he is surprised to see that his flesh-collecting employer is a girl of his age. I think there is already dissonance in his mind there once he met her.

Contrary to popular belief, Kurapika doesn’t hate Neon (there’s no single manga panel that ever once showed he detest her or feel annoyed with her; as compared to other employees of hers). In fact, he does quickly understand that Neon is being exploited by her father - to which he corrects Basho about the situation. In the manga, when he woke up after the fever, he says her name (in the 2011 anime, it was “Boss” but in the manga, it’s “Neon”) and immediately asks about her; which indicates that he is concerned for her. Of course, she is his employer but in that situation where he is bedridden and not working, him asking about her won’t be just due to him working as a bodyguard.

However, this doesn’t show that he has feelings for her. It only proves that a) he doesn’t hate her, b) he does care about her. He needs to see Neon as more than just a flesh collector for him to like her; on top of spending time with one another. He needs to see (if he hasn’t already) that she is a girl his age that has a different predicament than him.

This is the vanilla way I guess.

The darker and more saucy interesting interpretation would be him thinking it’s okay to objectify her just as much as she objectifies his clan’s eyes (that’s another post I gotta do for another day - but hey, this interpretation is paralleled to Tserreidnich/Theta).

5) Spending Time with one another

I think as mentioned, it is already a given that Kurapika and Neon had spent time together under one roof off-screen while we see Gon and Killua on-screen during the 3 arcs. However, I think Neon cannot suddenly become less detached and Kurapika cannot want something more than his mission at the moment; so I do think that even if they had spent time before Dark Continent Exploration arc, Neon and Kurapika needs to spend time together after he comes back (that’s if they haven’t banged before he sailed to the Dark Continent like they did in my fic lmao).

So yeah, I think these are generally the five things that I think should happen if they were to be canon.

I don’t know why I was compelled to do a long-ass post of this, but I hope this answers your question. I can go on and write a report about this but Imma stop here for now.

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daisyjoons · 4 years

Text

Love Notes

— who knew a piece of paper would be the cause of all this love, and heartbreak.

— ot7 x reader

— college!au, bet!au, heirs!bts, angst, some fluff, hurt and comfort

— like one mention of “dxxx” but it’s in a joke, a couple cuss words, like one or two f-bombs (cuz that’s apparently another level than ‘cuss word’)

— word count: 2.8K

— this is my first fic using“bullet points” (which i kinda really enjoyed writing) so tell me if you guys like this style or not! also!!!! my inbox is always open to talk! about my fics or even just to say hi! i’d love to interact with you all some more!

— HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! IF U DRESS UP GREAT!! TAKE CUTE PICS THEN TAKE IT OFF AND GET IN YOUR PJS AND WATCH A DAMN MOVIE :D WE’RE IN A PANDEMIC AND A PARTY IS NOT WORTH IT!!

↬ The bet was so completely stupid.

↬ That’s all it was but they had made it. And now they had to deal with its aftermath.

↬ It had happened when they were sophomores in college.

↬ You had just started your freshman year and for some reason, the boys didn’t like you.

↬ So during the Art History class they shared with you, while the teacher was talking about the syllabus, the boys did it.

↬ It started with mocking texts, and ended with a $20 bet on who can get you to date them for 2 months.

↬ And yeah they all loved each other, but Jungkook didn’t know of the feelings between the boys, or the feelings the boys had for him as well.

↬ He also remained unaware of the secret kisses shared between the boys, of the days where they sneak out on dates, the boys not knowing how to tell him.

↬ Given the fact that they all came from rich families (also the reason for all the age differences) the bet was more of a fun game for them all.

↬ The boys had agreed to write it all down on paper, letting Hoseok who was studying law, (and subsequently getting ready to take over his mother’s very successful law firm) write it out.

↬ With the “contract” that detailed very explicitly what the bet was, the boys all signed their names.

↬ Two days after, Jungkook went up to you to ask for the syllabus notes, as he didn’t pay much attention.

↬ Two weeks later he asked you out on your guys’ first date.

↬ Two months after that, he asked you to be his girlfriend.

↬ Everything was going great, until he decided to introduce you to his friends a week after being his girlfriend.

↬At this point the boys had forgotten about the bet, seeing you only as someone who their object of affection loved.

↬ Now, you knew they didn’t like you, and during the meeting you definitely felt the jealousy aimed at you when you got close with Jungkook.

↬ So, you tried to avoid him a little, hoping it would help his friendship with the boys.

↬ But Jungkook had forgotten about the bet, he just saw you as the sweet girl he’s been dating.

↬ And maybe it was wrong because he still felt his heart flutter when Joons chin did the thing while he studied, or the way he just wanted to kiss Jin's lips when he pouted, or because of all of his midnight cuddles with Hobi, but he loved you.

↬ That was the thing about Jungkook, once he loves he loves truly and rawly.

↬ And you now held a part of his heart and he couldn’t change that.

↬ After a few days the boys all noticed the younger's attitude, and with a discussion decided to talk to you.

↬ To say Namjoon showing up at your door at 6pm was strange would be an understatement.

↬ He was on the brink of tears when he asked you to talk to Jungkook and it was obviously more than just friendship that caused the distance between you and the boys.

↬ So, with slight hesitation you ask. “Do you love him?”

↬ With no hesitation he answers, “Yes. We all do, more than a brother, but as a lover.”

↬ With that he explains about the relationship with the boys, and how Jungkook didn’t know of it. How they all loved Jungkook.

↬ “But he loves you, Y/N. And we love him, enough to know that we just want him happy, even if it’s not with us. We do like you, you seem nice, we just- we just got jealous. We’re sorry for acting the way we did but please, don’t let us hold you away from Jungkook.”

↬ And perhaps it was wrong the way your heart fluttered at Namjoons sincerity and maturity.

↬ But you paid no mind, it didn’t matter.

↬ The next day you talked to Jungkook after class and everything was good again.

↬ The boys started acting nicer to you and slowly you fell in love, and it was so slow that you were able to ignore it until you couldn’t ignore it anymore.

↬ First it started with Namjoon, and small coffee study times between you two.

↬ Then came Yoongi, with the cute gummy smile he got when he created a good song.

↬ When Hobi learned you didn’t know how to dance and absolutely insisted on personal classes so he could teach you.

↬ Who would’ve thought the amazing, straight A law student would be this wild while dancing.

↬ Surprise!!! He could get wild.

↬ Whenever Jin brings home special dishes from one of his dad's restaurants that he knows you like.

↬ Taehyung probably took the longest to warm up to you, but you fell in love with him so easily.

↬ And Jimin, he fell in love with you first, and made his move first.

↬ During a movie night, he blurted out his love for you that led to a night filled with tears and yelling and kisses and sweet words.

↬ That’s how you all fell in love.

↬ Now two years later, you’re helping them move out of their dorms and into their shared apartment, none the wiser of the bet.

↬ The boys had just graduated and decided to buy an apartment together.

↬ And you were gonna move in too, after your senior year.

↬ But here you were, cleaning out Jungkook's closet when you come across his backpacks from the last four years.

↬ “Jungkook! Why do you just have all your old bags!”

↬ He turns around before laughing at the bags that were jammed up in the corner of the closet, still filled with notebooks.

↬ “Oh, I probably forgot to just throw those away, You can just toss them in the trash bag over there, babe.”

↬ “What! No! These look almost brand new still! Why don’t you...I don’t know, donate them? Crazy idea.”

↬ Jungkook laughs at the obvious sarcasm at the end of your sentence and at the knowledge that you would do so anyway before nodding with the go ahead.

↬ You start dumping all the bags out and tossing the trash before you recognize the sophomore year bag.

↬ Your mind immediately drifts to two weeks into the friendship when he had yet to return your notebook and had to go through the giant mess in there. Almost all of the papers in his bag were crushed and crumbled in the bottom.

↬ Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, you find only a single crumbled paper left at the bottom.

↬ A small smile peeks at your lips as you start to unfurl the paper, thinking of how he might’ve tried to clean the bag after you yelled at him for how messy and unorganized it was.

↬ But when you read the paper your smile falls and tears gather in your eyes.

↬ They start falling when you see the signatures.

↬ All seven of them.

↬ Jungkook turns around at the sound of a sob escaping you.

↬ “Babe, what’s wrong? Did you get hu-.”

↬ “What the fuck is this!”

↬ The boys all rush in at the sound of your voice, you have never ever raised your voice.

↬ All of their faces pale when they take in the paper in your hands, it was extremely detailed, there was no way to make it seem like a misunderstanding.

↬ “B-Babe I know how this looks, a-and it’s bad it really is but please, let us explain.”

↬ Namjoons shaky and desperate as he speaks, he had to tell you everything, he couldn’t— he wouldn’t let this piece of paper decide everything.

↬ But you dodged every one of his attempts to hold your arms, an incredible feat given the fact that dorms were as small as they were.

↬ “Explain? Kim Namjoon, it’s very clear what this is, and you should know given your name is signed here.”

↬ Hoseok's voice rang out, filled with guilt and shame, “We know what's on it, love. Hell I wrote it. But we swear, we had completely forgotten it.”

↬ Another sob ripped its way out of your chest at his words because he just confirmed it. It was obvious from the beginning but you hoped that maybe, just maybe it was a misunderstanding.

↬ You couldn’t breath, and you most certainly couldn’t be here right now.

↬ Jimin, always so perceptive of you and how you feel, immediately noticed and rushed to grab a water bottle.

↬ But Tae could see how your chest was moving, as though you were being suffocated. You couldn’t breath.

↬ “Guys, let’s give her some space yea? We can talk about it without hovering over her.”

↬ As soon as they moved away, you started pushing towards the door, being here with them wasn’t what you needed right now.

↬ Jungkook grabbed your arm, however, stopping you from moving forward.

↬ Looking at him you could see the desperation in his eyes while holding your arms.

↬ “I-I just I need to be alone right now. I’m sorry.”

↬ And with that you run out of the dorms, the boys calling out after you.

↬ And all the boys could do was glare at the crumbled paper that was on the floor. A paper that caused this mess.

↬ The boys decide they can’t lose you, no way. And so they come up with a plan, a plan to prove that this relationship is more than some fucking bet.

↬ So every morning for the next two weeks, you wake up to coffee and a muffin in your kitchen, with love notes addressed to you. Your roommate forgives the boys after one day.

↬ Given that they have a key to your apartment, also given to them from your roommate because “their so cute!! get that dick, babe!” , it’s very easy to leave cute things for you, breakfast, presents, snacks, all accompanied by love notes that they hope tell you that you have their love.

↬ Getting seven sweet love notes in the morning from your boyfriends-but-on-a-break-maybe(?) made you happy, but apprehension crawled up your throat and dug its claws into your heart at the thought of “this is just another piece of paper that determines my feelings.”

↬ You highly doubt they would stay with you for two years for a bet, the paper only specified two months, so you know they love you. But the idea of, the beginning of your relationship, the notes, the cute dates, wasn't all from love. Those emotions back then were one-sided.

↬ And this probably would’ve continued longer but your roommate came home one day from her class and yelled at you about how they were waiting at the café you always loved. They said they would wait there for you but you didn’t think they’d actually do it without a response from you.

↬ With no hesitation in mind, you get up and grab your coat while simultaneously trying to put on your shoes. As soon as your shoes are on you run out to meet the boys.

↬ Arriving at the café you enter to see seven extremely nervous but also slightly dejected boys. One caramel iced latte sat waiting across from them, slight condensation on the outside showing there’d been waiting for a while.

↬ Walking over you sit down in front of them, all of their eyes snapping to you with hope. Jungkook's hands reach over, ready to hold your hand after two weeks, but Jin stops him before he can.

↬ Yoongi speaks first, right as you're about to sip the latte, “W-Wait! Let us buy you a new one! That one’s kinda watered down now and it won’t taste as good.”

↬ And you go to tell him it’s ok, that it’s your favorite and it’ll taste good anyway but he’s already up and moving to the counter, he’s so visibly shaking and you feel your heart clench. You want to hug him, tell him to breathe with you, but you can’t move. You can tell they’re afraid at the even sight of you, fear that the relationship with you is done.

↬ “...I’m not breaking up with you all.” A simple sentence but at it, the reactions explode. Jimin starts crying, Jungkook lunges forward and grabs your hands Namjoon and Jin are continually repeating “thank you, I love you, and i’m sorry” Yoongi drops the latte, the baristas start making another already, and he wraps his arms around you, crying into your shoulder. Hobi falls on the floor in shock.

↬ You consider yourself and the boys lucky that the café isn’t well known and empty aside from you and the boys right now. You let the boys calm down and sit back down, Yoongi still hugging you and Jungkook's hands intertwined with your own.

↬ You look up, wary of your next words, “Can you...can you guys explain it to me? I’m not breaking up with you, I highly doubt a bet would go on for two years and I know you all love me the way I love you now but- there’s a part of me that just needs to know how long the relationship was one-sided.”

↬ “It didn’t even last two weeks.” Jungkook says, his grip tight and his voice strong. He goes on to explain how he technically won the bet, but he had forgotten after only two weeks of dating you. After your first date, he genuinely liked you, liked the way your eyes shined. Your soft hair and how you would shyly tuck it behind your ear when he complimented you. The cute laugh that you always hid behind your hand. He loved you before he even knew he loved you. Before you even loved him.

↬ The relationship between you and the boys grew completely organically, the bet didn’t have any effect at all. This poly relationship was never planned, was never a part of it. But it was a happy turn of events.

↬ You sip at your new coffee, the barista kindly brought it to you to avoid anymore accidents, “The love notes were cute, they made me feel happy through the day. I think that’s the only way I lasted through the two weeks.”

↬ Hobi pouted at that, his cheeks puffing out as he slumps with his arms crossed. “Should we not have sent them? Maybe we could have seen you earlier.”

↬ A laugh fell from your lips at your boyfriends adorable pout. “No, I think the fact that I had the constant reminder that, yes you guys do love me, helped make me ready to talk to you all. It reminded me that, that stupid fucking paper was just that. A piece of paper. And I was getting many more pieces of paper refuting what it said. They kept me from overthinking and believing my thoughts. What did you do with the paper anyway?”

↬ “Oh, we burned it before dropping the bags off at the elementary school.”

↬ “... Can we go home?” Jimins sweet voice spoke up from where he sat. “I want to cuddle, we went two weeks without them.”

↬ Grabbing his hand with one of yours and the other holding Kooks, you all head out to cuddle at their apartment. And when it was time to head back to your apartment, arms stayed wrapped firmly around your waist. And when you put your jacket on the next morning, a piece of paper fell out.

We Love You

#btswritingcafe #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #namjoon #hoseok #seokjin #jimin #taehyung #yoongi #jungkook #bts fluff #bts bet au #bts poly #bts poly au

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farfromsugafanfic · 3 years

Text

This Christmas

Genre: Producer!Yoongi, Fluff, Angst, slight enemies to lovers, Christmas-y

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Warnings: Portrayal of an abusive relationship (not involving Yoongi)

Synopsis: Yoongi doesn’t wanna work with a bubble gum idol like you. Especially not after your scandal where your and your manager’s relationship was revealed. And definitely not for a Christmas song.

✦✧✦✧

"You want me to what?" Yoongi asked. If this were a cartoon, his eyes would be bugging out of his head. The CEO of the company cleared his throat and looked at Yoongi over his glasses. It was obvious that despite being a high-level CEO of a successful music company, he was nervous to pitch this to his most successful producer.

"Listen, Yoongi, I know you're not happy about this. But, Y/N's comeback is crucial for her career. You know the scandal she had last year and this is her first comeback since then. We need this song to be everywhere. This why we need you to produce it."

"Okay, but like, a Christmas song? I know Y/N had a pretty pure image, but isn't that a bit much? Even for her?"

"Her scandal broke on Christmas Day last year. We thought having her do a Christmas song would help address that she moved on and wants to focus on her career."

Yoongi remembers your scandal a year ago. You'd been dating your manager. It was said you used his fondness of you to move up in the company. It was why you were a soloist and not in a group, why you didn't write your own songs but still got all the best ones, and why you had your good girl image. You were the role model for school girls everywhere in your pale pink skirts that matched your lips.

He'd never worked with you before. You were always so clean-cut, so bubblegum. It wasn't the type of song he wrote or worked on. In fact, despite working at the same company, and you being one of the largest idols signed with them, Yoongi didn't remember ever meeting you. He'd seen you passing, your manager placing his hand on the back of your skull to shield you from the camera flashes. Your hood up and a mask pulled up to cover most of your face.

"I've never done one of her songs. Why this one?"

"After the last year, it's impossible for Y/N to go back to her pure image. It just isn't believable. We need you because you don't do typical sounding songs."

Yoongi thought for a moment. An edgy Christmas song? Certainly possible, but could you really pull it off?

"It will be a new version of Last Christmas. We want it to be heartbreaking. Address the scandal without directly commenting. You have a knack for subtly that she needs."

"All right," he said. He knew he had no choice in the matter and it was only one song. Yoongi hadn't made his name as a producer doing bubblegum songs, but the company allowed him to release his own music under their label as long as he produced all the other artist's songs they asked of him. "But I'm not going to be like the other producers she's worked with."

✦✧✦✧

The night before your and Yoongi's first recording session he pulled up a playlist of your songs. You had a good voice, Yoongi would admit. He listened to a few seconds of each. You had the sweetheart image with mostly upbeat pop songs with a few heartbreak ballads mixed in. They were all written by the best songwriters at the company, except for Yoongi, of course. He'd never written for you, although you had considered one of his songs once.

A few emails exchanged before you ghosted him. "Wine" ended up going to another soloist and had won Yoongi an award, he really didn't care. After the scandal, you had the spoiled brat look. And, honestly, it didn't surprise Yoongi. Everyone knew you came from a well off background and went to a private school that the company commonly scouted at.

Girls like you always had talent, but you always ended up destroying yourselves. He was surprised you were even trying for a comeback instead of taking the money you'd made so far and setting yourself up to live off royalties until your name was forgotten enough to re-invent yourself.

When the scandal broke, Yoongi had just released a new mixtape. It affected the entire company, causing the sales and streams of his album to plateau. He silently cursed your name as he tweeted album links.

✦✧✦✧

Yoongi sat in his studio. The hood of his black hoodie pulled over his head and slightly crouched in his chair, he worked on your song. While he didn't have your vocal yet, he could easily work on the instrumental. It was tricky. "Last Christmas" was an iconic Christmas song that needed to be recognizable, but he also needed to make it different and stand out from every other cover.

His phone vibrated. It was you.

Y/N: I'm heading down now

You were most likely heading downstairs from the dance studios. He took off his headphones and soon heard a gentle knock on the door. He kept a lock on his studio to prevent anyone from bothering him while he worked. Only a few people had the code. And only to make sure Yoongi left every couple days.

Opening the door, he first saw your small smile. All lip, no teeth, yet still friendly. Behind you stood your manager, the one with who you'd had the scandal. Despite your break up being publicized, he was contracted as your manager for another year. Yoongi had no idea why you didn't just buy him out and let the poor kid get on with his life.

"Hi," you said softly, bowing politely before walking inside and leaving your shoes by the door. Your hair was up in a ponytail and you wore a blue sweatshirt three sizes too big. "It's nice to finally meet the famous Suga."

He returned a tight-lipped smile and reached out to shake your hand, but your manager stepped in front and shook took Yoongi's hand instead. "I'm Kwanho, Y/N's manager."

Yoongi nodded, giving the man an odd look as you skirted to the side. He noticed the way you balled up your hands in your sleeves and looked down at the ground when the other man pushed you out of the way.

"Nice to meet you," Yoongi said. "If you give me your number, I'll call you when we finish for the day or if we need anything."

Yoongi motioned to the recording booth and you walked in, putting on your headphones and immediately taking your place. You seemed to relax as you prepared yourself in the booth, beginning to test the microphone and adjust the cords around your feet.

"Oh, no, I actually stay in the studio with Y/N."

Yoongi paused. "Uh, well, I tend to work better when it's just me and the artist. You know, so I can kinda get a feel for them and get the best vocals."

"She's more comfortable when I'm here."

Yoongi glanced over at you in the booth. You seemed much more comfortable by yourself in the recording booth than you had with your manager and ex-boyfriend.

"She seems fine. Listen, this is my studio and it's a bit small. I really don't like people getting in the way."

Your manager fumed, his hair beginning to stand up and his face growing red. His fists clench around the water bottle he carried and he sighed.

"Fine," he said. "Just let me give this to her."

Kwanho walked into the booth, his form completely hid yours as he stood in Yoongi's view. He saw the man hand you the water bottle. Even after you took it, the man loomed over you for a few extra seconds.

Knowing he had an audience, your manager soon left the booth and the studio. When Yoongi heard the lock click shut, he turned on his mic to talk to you.

"Y/N?" he asked. "You ready to get some vocals. Need to warm up at all?"

You shook your head. "No, I warmed up while we were waiting."

✦✧✦✧

It had been nearly a year since you'd recorded anything in a studio. Yet, nothing felt foreign. You had immediately adjusted everything to your preferences. Taking a sip of water as Yoongi started the music, you began singing. Your phone was full of practice runs from the night before. You didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of the famed producer of your company.

You had no idea what he'd said to Kwanho to make him leave, but your stomach had untied its knots when you saw him leave the studio. Even with Yoongi's critical gaze, you were used to tough producers.

"That was good," Yoongi said. "But, I listened to some of your tracks last night and I know you can do better. Think you could lower your voice a bit on the chorus."

"Lower it?" As a soprano, you were used to coaches and producers pushing your voice to its highest notes and octaves. Rarely ever did your lower range get explored. "Uh, I can try. But why?"

"Well, this comeback is supposed both your vulnerability and strength, right? if we explore the range of your voice more, it will show a different side of you. Plus, if your vocal isn't perfect it might show some of the vulnerability we want."

Your eyes widened and you nodded as the track started again.

4 Hours Later

Yoongi was growing frustrated. Your vocals were fine, but only that. They weren't anything special. He couldn't entirely blame you. You weren't used to singing in your lower register and it seemed your vocal coaches only cared about cultivating your voice for the cutesy songs of your past.

He sighed and rubbed his temples. "All right, let's take a break," he said. "I think we both need it."

You came out of the booth and almost immediately held the phone to your ear. His brow furrowed as he wondered who you were calling so immediately.

"Hey, we're taking a break."

Based on the quick response and hang up, Yoongi knew exactly who it was.

"Is he bringing you lunch?"

You nodded and sat down on the small loveseat Yoongi kept at the back of his studio for the artists or few visitors that came in. Pulling your knees up to your chest, he couldn't help but notice how much smaller you looked. When he'd seen you before the scandal, you looked healthy and filled out all your tight skirts and dresses.

Maybe it was just the oversized sweatshirt, but you looked thinner. Your collarbones stretching your skin and your cheekbones more prominent. He walked over to where he kept an electric kettle and started heating water.

"Want some spicy noodles?"

You shook your head.

A knock sounded and you got up. Letting your manager, Yoongi cause his hard gaze. He handed you a bag and refilled your water bottle. "Remember you're on a diet, okay?" he said.

You nodded.

"So, how's it going? Got enough for the song?"

"Not yet," you said. "We're working on it. Yoongi is really pushing me, but I think it will turn out well."

"I hope he's not working you too hard."

"Of course not, I love being back in the studio."

Yoongi poured the hot water into the instant noodles. "I think we'll need another day. Clear her schedule tomorrow."

Kwanho blinked twice. "Y/N is talented. I have every confidence it will only take one session."

"How long have you been her manager? Surely, you know it can take multiple sessions to get everything I need."

"I haven't recorded for a while, Kwanho. It's just cause I'm out of practice."

Your manager sneered and dropped the water bottle. "Fine," he said. Leaving the studio in a huff, he didn't seem to realize he'd spilled the water all over Yoongi's studio.

"I'm sorry," you said, looking around for something to soak up the mess. "He's just protective and doesn't like leaving me alone."

"Didn't you two break up?"

"Yeah, which I think made it worse."

Even if the two of you were still dating, Yoongi sensed something wrong. He pulled out paper towels from a nearby drawer and dropped to his knees to help you.

"He's kind of a dick."

"He wasn't always. Would you believe he was once really sweet?"

"Maybe he acted that way."

The two of you ate in relative silence, only piping up to discuss the song or the general happenings of the company. Yoongi finished his noodles and you finished your salad. After a few sips of water, you walked back into the recording booth.

✦✧✦✧

It wasn't until nine o'clock that night when you and Yoongi finally agreed that enough progress was made. Yoongi waited for Kwanho to pick you up and he watched as the light he'd seen in you when you recorded slowly dimmed.

He didn't knock this time, opting instead to text you. You answered the door and he walked in. Without a greeting, he met Yoongi's eyes. "She's free tomorrow. But let's make sure to finish this up tomorrow. We only have a few weeks before we have to release."

"Last I checked you weren't my boss," he said. "I understand the timeline and the song will be done in time."

Yoongi turned to you. "If you record anything good tonight, you can text it to me. If it's good quality, we might be able to use it."

"Wait, you have his number?" Kwanho asked, grabbing your bicep.

"Yeah, I've had it since I showed interest in his song a year ago." You glanced at Yoongi quickly before bringing your eyes back to your manager. "We're working together. I don't see why it's a big deal."

"If you need to text him recordings text them to me and I'll get them to him."

You scoffed. "Kwaho! Stop being so jealous, this is ridiculous."

The atmosphere came to a boiling point and all Yoongi could focus on was you. The way you puffed out your chest at your ex-boyfriend and called him out. But, he noticed the fear in your eyes, the way you flinched when Kwanho let go of your arm.

"Let's go, Y/N. We can talk about this later." Opening the studio door, Kwanho motioned for you to leave before him. "And, you," he made sharp eye contact with Yoongi. "Delete her number."

You and Kwanho disappeared through the door and Yoongi locked his phone, placing it back in his pocket.

✦✧✦✧

Yoongi stayed in the studio after you left. It wasn't unusual for him to stay until the early hours of the morning. Sometimes, he would even sleep on the couch and get a few hours of sleep before continuing in the morning.

The deadline for your song didn't warrant such actions. Instead, he just sat in his studio and read back through his notes from the day. There were a few bits of your backing vocals from the day that he wanted to include on the final track, but the main vocal still needed work.

Thinking back over the day, he was surprised at how different you were from what he believed. You were soft-spoken, polite, and good to work with. You took direction well, but pushed back when Yoongi got too caught up in the production that he made a bad call about your voice.

Kwanho--on the other hand--wasn't the loyal manager you took advantage of. At least, not from what Yoongi had seen today. He'd heard others at the company say you deserved it for using your relationship to get special treatment. But something didn't feel right about the way your manager still held control over you.

✦✧✦✧

It rarely snowed in November in Seoul. Yet, as Yoongi stepped outside around midnight, he was met with cold, wet snow that soaked the ends of his hair. He walked towards his apartment that was only a few blocks away when his phone rang. It was you.

"Suga?" you asked, and Yoongi realized he hadn't even told you his real name.

"Yes," he said. "What's up? Did you get a good recording?"He heard sniffles on the other line and he stopped walking. "Y/N? What's wrong?"

"We fought after we left and I finally fired him. But now I have nothing," you said. "He took everything. My apartment, my money, everything. I was wondering if I could stay in your studio for the night until I can figure something out."

Yoongi looked up at the snow and felt it soaking through his clothes. "Where are you?"

"I'm outside the company building. I don't have my ID."

"I just left. I'm on my way."

✦✧✦✧

Yoongi handed you a cup of coffee. You wore his sweatshirt and a pair of his sweats. It felt a little embarrassing and you knew what the tabloids would think you were taking advantage of yet another at your company.

"I don't have creamer or anything, sorry," he said.

You smiled. "Suga doesn't have any sugar." You took a sip of coffee and felt his gaze on you. When you looked up, you saw him smiling at you and holding in his laughter until you met eyes.

"It's amazing that you can make jokes when your life is changing," he said.

"The lawyers will handle everything," you said. "Plus, what can I do now other than finish the song?"

There was a pause, but unlike when you were in meetings with the company executives, or when the silences between you and Kwanho led to explosions, it was content.

"I need to apologize to you, Y/N."

Your brow furrowed. "Why? You've been so nice to me."

"I judged you. I believed the press, too. Even up until yesterday, I believed you were entitled and the one taking advantage of Kwanho, not the other way around."

"There was no way you could've known, Suga. But I appreciate it."

"Yoongi," he said. "Call me, Yoongi."

✦✧✦✧

"What if we change the song?" Yoongi said, halfway through the next day when nothing was coming together like both of you wanted.

"What do you mean?"

"Instead of focusing on Last Christmas, what if we wrote a new version that focuses on how you've changed for the better."

"This Christmas?" you said, your voice rising in pitch.

"Actually, yes."

✦✧✦✧

BREAKING: Y/N RELEASES NEW CHRISTMAS SONG PRODUCED BY SUGA THAT DETAILS PAST RELATIONSHIP ABUSE

Today, Y/N released her first song following last year's Christmas Day scandal that revealed that she was dating her manager. She is due to have her first comeback stage later this month.

The song, "This Christmas" discusses how when the news broke that it had been an attempt to control her. Her ex-boyfriend and manager leaked the news himself to prevent the singer from breaking up with and firing him. It focuses on the strength this experience brought her.

Y/N and her ex-manager are currently involved in a lawsuit that alleges that her manager used his privileged position on her staff to access her bank accounts and important documents. He then used this access to steal from the singer and commit various other crimes against her. Additionally, Y/N has told other sources that she was frequently controlled and emotionally abused while in the relationship.

This new song has already performed well on the charts and shows a new side to Y/N and her music. Famed producer, Suga, produced the song and spoke out in support of Y/N. The two have since been seen together on multiple occasions following the release of the song. A new Christmas romance for Y/N?

#bts #btsimagines #bts imagines #yoongi #btsfanfic #bts fanfction #yoongi fanfic #suga #suga fanfic #bts fan fiction #yoongi imagine #producer yoongi #fan fiction #originally posted on wattpad #farfromsuga

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chaeryybomb · 4 years

Text

JUNE COMEBACKS REVIEW

BLACKPINK: HOW YOU LIKE THAT

ngl I’m kinda sad bc a lot of y’all don’t like the song ;-; but I can’t do anything about it since it’s your opinion so

but I hope that people know the difference between hating and giving criticism saying the song sucks and that it’s trash music is straight up music

I can get why people are disappointed with the song since everyone wanted almost the same thing, “jennie getting a rap part”, “jisoo saying blackpink in your area” and a high note from rosé

personally I really like the song, to me it’s not the same as dddd and ktl tbh I think it’s different

plus I kinda expected it to be like that bc their songs usually follow that yg style ya know the only songs I say that don’t follow that stereotypical yg style is “love scenario”, “stay” and AKMU’s songs

i mean if you compare the song with other yg artists song, they all have the same vibe to it because of the “yg style” we always say

the song also gives me nct and skz vibes too, like specifically “punch” and “side effects” bc of the heavy edm and also bc their songs has been called noise before dhshd

but enough of that

I really like how the song starts calmly in the beginning and then it starts to be more aggressive

also I like the fact that each of the girls get a chance to say “how you like that”

lisa’s rap????? y e s

personally I feel like this time it had more of a fairer distribution, including lines and center parts

like jisoo actually gets some center parts in the dance break and chorus

i also really like the outfits this era, especially the modernized hanboks! though I have mix feelings about the pink wig dhshdh

speaking of hair, jennie!! she fucking dyed her hair!!!

and rosé is no longer blonde dhsjdj

the parts I found weird is when rosé says “look up in the sky it’s a bird it’s a plane” i have no idea how that fits in the song so

and the “dumdudurum” part at the end, it sounds out of place, like especially after it the song ends

i also think that this is their best choreography! right next to don’t know what to do

overall, I really like the song, if you don’t it’s fine! hylt has the most aesthetic mv’s I’ve seen and the outfits are so much better and it has been said that BLACKPINK’s old stylist left the company in January no not maeng

lisa’s fur coat outfit reminds me of yeji’s outfit in wannabe

would I say that hylt is their best song? no, I think playing with fire was their best song but it’s not a terrible song either

another I like is jisoo owning this era, say what you want, hylt is Jisoo’s era period.

STRAY KIDS: GOD’S MENU

what even is a concept anymore

we all thought it was going to be some street racer concept

buT NO

it’s a kung fu panda concept dhshdh

felix!!! my baby has lines !!!!

his demonic voice is bACK

hyunjin’s blond hair 😭😭

what the fUCK

the way he tied it up in a ponytail, like sir that is diSRESPECTFUL he really is jaebum’s son huh

okay okay on to the song

it honestly shocked me so much, like the rap parts were so aggressive like and the vocals are kinda angelic???

i really really like the pre-chorus, seungmin’s voice is just so !!!!! i also like seungmin+i.n’s little duet after felix’s part

spEAKING OF FELIX’S PART

“looking like a chef I’m a five star Michelin” bro that part is lowkey demonic looking in the dance

like mans pulled his knees up and put his hands through them while looking directly at you

does that not look demonic to you??? my friend said it reminded her of a spider dhshdhr

also the “dududu” part instantly reminded me of bp’s dddd dhshd like can someone edit a part of bp going “oh wait till I do when I hit you with that” and cuts to skz “DUDUDU”

the fact that no one has done it yet astounishes me

also what the fuck is that chain thing on Chan’s face, who put it there and why dhshd

bless whoever gave changbin dual contacts lens

AND WHO GAVE JEONGIN SLEEVELESS SHIRTS WHO ALLOWED THAT DHSHD

at first I found the choreography a bit funny bc they added like cooking gestures to it dhshd, like stirring the pot in the chorus but my favorite part of the dance is changbin’s part

the entire album was a bop okay, the fact that “god’s menu” wasn’t even the title track and they decided to change it, the fact that jyp has so much TRUST in bang chan also we get to see chan and sana being best friends uwu

“pacemaker” is literally “my pace” 2020 ver dhshd it even has the “nananana” part!

my favorites from the album is “TA”, “blueprint” and “haven”!!

also “easy”,,,, chan what did u do that it can’t be performed in shows

TWICE: MORE & MORE

wow girl groups are really being criticized this month huh

if y’all don’t know what happened with twice, a lot of people are criticizing twice for not singing live during their encore stages

a lot of them are especially going after momo

I’ve watched their encore stages and I don’t know why people are saying they sound bad???? maybe they need a better vocal coach but the fact that people are taking advantages of the situation just to hate on them smh

a n y w a y s

the song definitely gives a whole lot of “dtna” vibes bc of the tropical concept, its like “dtna” but the mature version

if “dance the night away” had an older sister, it would be “more & more”

also I really like the eve & adam concept, “more & more” is also another “creepy”ish song that is hidden behind a catchy tune, like “yes or yes” where ppl think it’s a cute song but the lyrics says otherwise

okay actually writing this out, it’s mv has “dtna” vibe but the song is so much like “yes or yes”

if you read the lyrics, the girls are basically saying that “no matter how hard you try to hide, you’re going to be mine again”

even in dahyun’s rap she says “I’m naturally selfish, I’m sorry if you didn’t know” and “you will fall for me, you can’t say no no”

it’s almost the same as her part in “yes or yes” where she says “there is no letters n and o” dhshdh sorry this becam a whole theory

back the real song review, I’m so glad that momo got a dance break! I think that this is their fairest line distribution yet. jeongyeon got her lines, dubchaeng got their rap parts and momo has a lot of center parts!!

and the girls look so much happier during their promotions especially tzuyu! she was smiling so much, maybe it’s because mina is with them and I’m so happy they get to perform as nine again

i really like their choreography and the part where they do the chest bounce is really satisfying idk why dhsdh

plus jeongyeon got better outfits this era cough feel special era cough

overall, I really like this comeback and it’s nice that nayeon got the high notes this time instead of jihyo

IZ*ONE: SECRET STORY OF THE SWAN

oh boy this is definitely my favorite song of this month

it’s so much different than their other songs!!!

and there’s so much to go on about!

wonyoung, minju, sakura and hyewon literally improved so much. im so proud of them !!!

hyewon, nako and sakua getting to sing the chorus??? y e s

chaeyena rap parts????? y e s

chaeyeon getting a dance break AND a high note???? Y E S

my favorite parts is eunbi+chaewon pre chorus wow I have a thing for pre choruses don’t I dhsh

i will say that this song vies the girls the chance to show how much they’ve improved throughout the eras, especially the j-line and visual line since a lot of people said they didn’t belong in izone

wonyoung and yujin's expressions are really on point as well

and yena's hip move dhshdhs

it's also rlly cute how eunbi throws confetti at her part dhshd

it’s refreshing to see how the girls improved

unfortunately, izone will be disbanding this year ;-; this is why I never liked the produce series

but we do have some ideas what will happen to the members though, we all know yena will be added into everglow, i having a feeling that eunbi and chaeyeon will be debuting as a soloist, they have so much potential plus the radiate chungha energy

nako, hitomi and sakura would most likely return to Japan, although I see sakura staying in korea to pursue an acting career and hitomi as a producer since she wrote some of izone’s songs

yuri might debut as a solo or debut in a new girl group as main vocalists, the same goes for chaewon

i see minju and hyewon going into acting careers and CF contracts, the same as kang mina, especially since minju is now an mc for music core

whereas for wonyoung and yujin, their both still young so I think they’ll finish school before re-debuting in groups plus yujin will be attending sopa

especially wonyoung, we all know that she’s actually really smart and is good at academics, i also think she might do modeling work, she fits the criteria

i also kinda see yujin pursuing an acting career because she will be in the theatre and film department in sopa. unless starship is going to debut a new girl group, I hope that yujin can debut as a soloist instead

WEKI MEKI: OOPSY

*inhales*

LUCY AND LUA FINALLY GETTING THE LINES THEY D E S E R V E D

I’m so happy dhshdhhs

also lua fits the short hairstyle so much, I’ve literally fallen for her help I can’t get up

as much as I love yoojung, it’s nice to see lucy rapping

the song is very catchy, I especially like rina’s part in the second verse of the song

i also love the “wolf & hunter” concept for the album

like the pictures were very beautiful, I also like how they use white for the wolves and black for the hunters, it’s like painting the hunters at the bad guys and the wolves as the good guys

I am in love with Lucy, Lua and Sei’s “nonono” part in the chorus

and the choreography for the chorus too

as much as I love elly’s blue hair, she slays in black hair dhshd I

I really love their outftis this era, i like how it’s all pants for the girls too

my favorite outfits are the black outfits from the gif

overall, this is definitely their fairest line distribution cough tika taka and dazzle dazzle cough

NATURE: GIRLS

this is my second favorite song of the month

I love the whole horror concept and I also like the fact that they released the uncensored version of the mv

it’s give the song much more of the horror vibe

I’m new to Nature and as far as I know, a member is stuck in China and another member sat out due to an injury. please correct me if I’m wrong

the outfits might be simple, but it fits so right with the song, I prefer the white dresses over the black ones

it kinda gives out the feeling that the girls are like asylum patients ya know, whereas the black dresses gives out that the girls are rich daughters that were sent away

I really like LU and Haru’s parts

the dance is also kinda a simple but it looks great!

overall, I hope that Nature will do this concept again, actually I hope to see more groups do this kind of concepts more

WAYV: TURN BACK TIME

did this comeback scare me? yes yes it did

bro the teasers were so scARY

yangyang was literally laughing like a mANIAC

MANS WAS IN AN ASYLUM OKAY

their teasers gave me so much suicide squad vibes

also, why the fuck were 4/7 members not wearing shiRTS

sm do you have a shirt shortage??? I’m sure nctzens are more than happy to donate some shirts to you

okay anyways, I’ve always liked wayv’s sci-fi concept, I don’t know if the mv’s are connected or not but I think they are

“take off” is them basically flying away from earth and they landed in space in “moonwalk” and it seems they have been captured in “turn back time”

very inch resting dhshd

listen, I may be chinese but I can’t understand 70% of the song because of how fast it goES

so with that saying, yANGYANG DID NOT COME TO PLAY

his rap was amazing !!!! he is definitely one of sm’s best rappers along with taeyong and mark

my favorite part is lucas and hendery’s rap parts and then it switches to xiaojun and yangyang + kun, ten and xiaojun getting highnotes

the dance break is so satisfying to watch too

“stop, rewind, turn back time” and “5432” part is so satisfying

also I’m really impressed with how fast LabelV responded when fans pointed out that some of the outfits had offensive phrases in them, they took the time to edit it out of the teasers and the mv, cheers to them

also! i find it funny that wayv released the Korean version of “turn back time” but all of us were much more shocked at the fact that Ten got another cat dhshd

SEVENTEEN: LEFT & RIGHT

first of all, dokyeom looks so gOOD IN THE MV

second of all, vernon and wonwoo’s “hana dul set” will forever be iconic

third, seungcheol is back 😭😭

just like twice, they get to perform as 13 again dhsjdsn

AND THEY LOOK SO HAPPY DURING THIS ERA TOO

LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN WONWOO?? HE’S SUCH A SMILEY BABY with his orange mic dhshd

also if y’all don’t have tiktok, svt has been doing the “left & right” with so many other idols including chungha and apink’s naeun!

haha joshua hong and wen junhui being real disrespectful with those sleeveless shirts

bonus point we got svt x nct china line + mark and joshua interaction at music bank

their choreography looks so fun too dhshd

the entire comeback is so cute and colorful

my favorite parts are vernon and seungcheol’s rap parts

also vernon be rocking that greaser style

their new album is so versatile, like, “fearless”, “left & right”, “kidult” and “my my”?? who’s doing it like seventeen

i love their new songs so much especially “kidult”

overall, I really really love this comeback

WJSN: BUTTERFLY

I couldn’t find a group scene gif pls forgive me

let me say, I am absolutely in love with the concept, the outfit concept for this is so creative, I don’t know if any other groups have done it before but !!

their outfits evovle like a butterfly!!

at first, the outfits were plain pastel colours but they slowly become more detailed and colourful throughout the stages, like a caterpillar to a butterfly!

center yeoreum!!!

and dayoung looks so pretty in short hair 🥺

and again, as far as I know, the Chinese members are in China, two of them are apart of the Chinese group Rocket Girl and I think Chengxiao recently returned to Korea

I really like their ending pose where their hands are in the butterfly gesture and the “wings” are slowly flapping

and how their arms represent their wings during the chorus

by far one of the moor creative comebacks in my opinion

also, it’s nice to hear soobin doing the high note instead of yeonjung, let yeonjung rest her voice once in a while ya know

SUNMI: PPORAPPIPAM

THE QUEEN IS BACKKK

also wonder girls reunion uwu

the teaser gave me so much "barbie: island princess" vibes so the entire mv was not what I expected

at all

the mv literally describes sunmi a lot, she basically does whatever the fuck she wants like when she posted that pic of jyp on instagram dhshdhs

it’s so funny especially the scene where sunmi is wearing the teletubbies head

and at the end when she wakes up and goes back to sleep is just a mood lmao

something about the song really gives me a lot of “siren” vibes but happier???

i really like the way she pronounces “pporappipam” it took me one week to finally pronounced it dhshd

idk why but I really like the instrumental, especially the intro, it’s very melancholic

also she wears converse while performing the song bc she has to step on the dancers at one part !!

speaking of that part, it’s so cool!!! the way she climbs up the dancers like stairs and then she just trust-falls into their arms

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savysavannah · 3 years

Text

Challenge 1

Special thanks to @damian-schreave and @hadleyjaneharper for the rps.

Also the last section is not in fic format because its 2am, im lazy, and you get the gyst from the RP. Apperantly this is too long so part 2 soon.

The Prince was off in Paloma for a bit so we were of little use in the Palace, no idea why they had us move in so early. Therefore, I’d spent most of the day with some books I’d grabbed from the library. Primarily they were legal books since it never hurts to brush up. But every once in a while, such as now I’d need to go and grab some food.

I brought my notepad and a book on contract law with me and walked into the kitchen. There was another girl also in the kitchen. We haven't spoken to each other, she didn’t seem unfriendly or particularly awful company, just hadn’t really had the moment to. I grabbed a plate of fruit and wondered if she would say anything. After a moment I sat down and resumed reading.

Then a small sad sigh came from the young woman who was looking down at her phone with a sad face. It wouldn’t be too bad if I took a break for some conversation. However, the young woman looked troubled, she may not be in the mood. I yawned and stretched then mumbled, but loud enough for her to hear, “God, I could use a drink.” and wondered if the other would take the bait.

There was a beat before the other spoke, “Long day?”

“More or less. Lots of reading, missing work. How about yourself?”

She shrugged “Its...different than what I’m used to. Lots of sitting still when I’m used to spending my days moving around.” SHe grimaces then sighed, “The adjustment period is always the toughest, though.”

I thought for a moment trying to remember the occupations of the selected, “The dancer?” I asked.

She grinned “Yeah. Hadley.” She raised an eyebrow, “And you?”

“Lawyer.” I said and stood from the table, walked over to Hadley and held her hand out, “Savannah Mars, Labrador, three.”

She shook my hand, “Nice to meet you.” then thought for a moment, “You said you were missing work? Do you work at a law firm?”

“Kinda. I work for the Illean Civil Liberties Union in their legal division. It's a non-profit which focuses on civil rights and for me civil legal cases. Lgbt+ rights defense, domestic defense, that sort of thing.”

“Oh, that’s really cool.” She said, seeming actually interested in my work. “Are you missing the casework, or something else?”

“It's pretty hard for me to step back from my work. Since I'm kind of left worrying about my clients. A new guy took over my cases but I'm trying to still work in my own way by studying up on some legal sections I work in less frequently but still may come up. Such as contract law.” I explained not fully hearing her other question.

She nodded, “I understand, sort of. I’m left worrying about how my ballet company is going to perform, with somebody else taking over the role in the Nutcracker that I’ve had the past few years.”

“Yeah the transition really is nerve wracking. Have you seen them perform though?” I asked hoping that could at least provide some solace.

“I’ve seen pictures on Instagram, but no videos yet. We were just finishing up our performance of Cinderella when I left. Nutcracker rehearsal started a few days after, but it’s a show we do each year, so... “ She sighed “ It /should/ be fine.”

I nodded, “well if they assigned them the role try and have faith in their qualifications. That's what I'm keeping in mind for mine. They did go to law school so it's fine. They got the role so it’s fine.” I said partially for her and partially for me.

She sighed a little hesitant, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Competition is just gonna be a bitch and a half when I’m sent back.” She chuckled wryly.

“Well maybe you'll win and then you won't have too. Who’s gonna take a role away from the future queen of Illea.”

“That’s extremely unlikely to happen.” She then almost smirked “What about you? If you win, nobody’s going to tell you no in a courtroom.”

I laughed, “If I win I'll kill myself.” Then I realized how dark that sounded, though it didn’t seem to phase her.

“I hate to say that I feel the same way, but…” She shrugged and nodded, “I feel the same way” For a moment I was confused, why would she join if she felt the same way? Then it clicked, a dancer would be a five, lower class, need the money.

“You're a five right? Did you apply for the money? If you don't mind my asking that is. It would just make sense why you'd dislike to win.”

“It…” She bit her lip, “Kind of? It’s a long story involving a deadbeat mom, a shitty health care system, two starving artists, and a kid with leukemia.” She said with an apologetic smile. Whatever she’d be apologizing for I can’t say.

“Well shit man, I'm glad you got in then. Both for the money and for a break from that. I know this society fucking sucks and we've got a likely shit for brains hier, but if you ever need a lawyer I'm here to help. Hopefully, being a three now will provide some help for you too.” I said then caught myself making a mental note to not be so vulgar with my language.

She gave me a small smile, “Thanks. Now I just have to figure out what I’m doing with the rest of my life, after throwing my career into dance, only to become a Three.” She laughed, “What about you? Why did you enter? It sounds like you had a pretty cushy gig going on.”

It wouldn’t be smart to tell the truth, but lying when Hadley had been so open felt wrong, I sighed and said, “My brother. Basically he forged my entry and I didn't want him to get into legal troubles for that. He's a fucking idiot.” I sighed and let that last cuss word slide as he is a fucking idiot.

She snorted, “Men really do only have two brain cells.” She gave a small smile, “I’m sorry that you ended up in that situation, though. That’s rough.”

“Yeah. I tried to beat him up but my other brothers stopped me. It was really a mess. Had to find out from a waitress asking for a photo with me.”

She shook her head, “My best friend told me that he was so upset to see me, “throwing my life away,” as if I hadn’t entered to help him and his brother.” Sounds like an ungrateful ass. She sighed and looked down at her fruit, “When did life get this messed up?”

A question with too big of an answer. A bit panicked and not knowing what to say I took a strawberry off my plate and held it out to her, “Fruit?”

She chuckled and took the strawberry, “Thanks.” She takes a bit, chews, and then pauses, looking at Savannah, “You know what I could really go for right now, though? A good gin and tonic.”

“God that'd be great. You know what, let's make some. One glass can't hurt.”

She shrugged, “Sure, sounds fun. I’m down.” She looks around, “I know they keep the wine in that cabinet, but I haven’t found the liquor yet.”

After gathering our ingredients we get to work making the glasses, “so, what's your plan in all this?”

“In the selection?” She raises an eyebrow and then shrugs, she starts pouring things into the mixer bottle, “Stay here for as long as I can so I keep making stimulus checks, and then get sent home before I’m stuck spending the rest of my life here.” She finishes pouring and looks at Savannah, “You?”

I sighed, “about the same. Give the money to the non-profit I work for. I was hoping I could root for you to win, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders to influence him, but the more I think about it the more I realize that's like damning to hell.

She snorts, “Well, I still appreciate the compliment, and I would’ve said the same about you.” Then she sighs, “I’ve always known that it’s been like this, though. He gets to squander every penny he has on luxury shit, whereas my paychecks…” another sigh, “But life isn’t fair.”

“Yeah. And then waste the money on useless shit and trying to pass dumb laws like making 'cats' illegal instead of actually fixing the problems in this country.” I said and poured myself a glass of the drink.

She poured some for herself and then shook her head with an eye roll, “Don’t even get me started on that debacle. Why even joke about things like that?”

“Because he doesn't comprehend how the people of his own country are suffering. He's just so blind with privilege. Not that I have much to speak on but at least I freaking try to think about others in the country and their situations.”

She gave me a small smile, “You didn’t seem like the type to blow your money on worthless things to me, at all. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to him when we have that interview in a few days.”

“Yeah I think im just gonna be polite for the sake of not causing a scene that'll haunt me my whole life” I said and took a sip, then clarified, “polite though, not kind.”

She nodded then drank too, “I really went from putting on one type of show for Twos to another.”

“Any idea what you're gonna do as a three?” I asked.

She pursed her lips and shook her head, “I haven’t taken a science or maths class since I was eleven, and I don’t have the money for university. I guess I could work as a translator, or if that doesn’t work out, marry a five and go back to dancing.” She took another sip of her drink, “Hopefully I’ll be here long enough to figure it out.”

“Do they not have like threes who are dance teachers? I haven't really looked much into the area myself but it may make sense.”

She shook her head, “For me, at least, it was mostly Russian immigrants who were former dancers themselves, so Fives.”

I thought for a moment, “Well if you ever need history lessons, english, or legal aid I'm around. I dug into my pocket and pulled out a business card, since it’s not like either of us plan to be here long, “Just all the way up in Labrador. Where are you from again?”

“Allens. So, not too far. Thanks.” She replied and looked at the card.

“Welcome.” I replied, finished off my drink then wrote down another idea.

Hadley narrowed her eyes curiously, “What are you writing?”

“Just an idea for a proposition with the ICLU. There are probably other girls in a similar situation as you being lower caste now upper be it through marriage or selection, it may be helpful to talk about implementing a caste readjustment program.”

She lifted her head, smiling just a little, “That sounds like a great idea.” Then a little quieter she added, “I'd appreciate it.”

“Hopefully my boss will agree and pass it onto the innovation department. I'll write a quick memo about it to her later.” I smiled happy to have something to do.

“You really love your job, don't you?” She asked.

I nodded, “It makes me feel like I have some kinda purpose. As cheesy as that is to say.” Making actual change in Illea instead of just prancing around doing whatever else I could have grown up to do.

“No, I get that.” She looked down, “As a kid, I never really felt like I belonged, but on the stage, dancing?” She looked a little distant, “Standing out was a good thing.”

I nodded, “Mhm. Have you thought of ways you could continue working while at the palace?”

She smiled, “Actually, I had a conversation with Prince Eaton about that, and I’ve been able to work out a schedule that allows me to still practice, even though I have to do a little more work to catch up on lessons.”

“That'll be good. If you wanted too you could put on a performance and donate the profits. That way you could be working towards a goal too instead of general practice.”

She tilted her head, “That's an interesting idea. I’ll keep that in mind.”

I nodded, “Well it was nice meeting you, Lady Hadley. But it is probably time for me to get back to work.” Then held out my hand to shake goodbye.

She took it, giving it a shake. “Nice to meet you too.”

It was pretty late in the afternoon by the time I was escorted to the interview room. Damian was in a navy blue suit jacket, dress pants, and a white button up shirt. He smiled at me as I got closer. His eyes flicker to my nametag for a second before he speaks, “Hello, Lady Savannah. It’s a pleasure to meet you in person.”

I smiled trying to stay polite, then gave a small curtsy, “The same to you, your highness.”

He smiled back, taking a few steps back and gestured for me to go into the interview room. In the room is a sofa, surrounded by stage lights and a few cameras, what a romantic first meeting. There is one camera on a swivel stand, that is currently focused on Damian and I. He starts walking into the room, looking at me as he talks, "How have you found your first few days here, so far?"

I debated giving him a short one word answer of 'fine' but Danny's words of 'don't ruin your own happiness" slipped into my head. "They've been fine. I've enjoyed your library. It's helped me feel like I can in some ways continue working by catching up on legal matters normally outside of my areas of expertise."

He nodded while smiling then took a seat on the sofa, "So you're a lawyer, then? What kind of law do you practice?"

Reluctantly I sat next to him, hopefully I wouldn't catch an STD from proximity alone, "Yes, I practice primarily civil and criminal law with the Illean Civil Librities Union. So primarily defending people who are in bad situations due to outdated laws which need amending." My tone came out more passive aggressive than intended, but it was slightly justified as he should have been working to amend said laws and help people instead of partying.

"That's a great thing, to be doing. What got you into law?"

"Well I was at the University of Labrador. My best friend I'm the sorority I was in decided to go to a protest over women's rights in illea. We went, someone man came and antagonized some women, she defended herself verbally, got arrested, felt up by the officer, then was unable to do anything legally about it. I felt that was unfair so I decided to look into being a lawyer, liked the process, graduated in 2 years, went to Yale and here I am."

He lets out a low whistle, looking down for a second. I couldn't help but be a but prideful at my accomplishment, then looks back up at me, more serious than before, his jaw tense, "I'm really sorry that happened to your friend." He said and fell silent. What a conversation killer.

"It's fine." I said trying not to dwell on it, "How was your time in undergrad? Partied a lot, I saw." I said the passive agressiveness coming out again.

He smiled, a little more relaxed than before, but not as relaxed as he was when he first entered the room, "I enjoyed my last few years of freedom before entering the real world, yes." He then raised his eyebrows, grinning a little wider, kind of teasing, "And what about you? Being in a sorority and all, I doubt you were much of a homebody yourself."

I couldn't help but completely flush and bit down my urge to absolutely smack him upside the head. "It was a brief phase. It was fun. But also a waste of time." I chuckled a bit remembering my airheaded behavior in that year, "had I already been working harder I may have been able to finish faster and help more people."

He grinned a little at how flustered I was, which just made me want to punch him more, then smiled a little more genuinely towards the end, "We're still young. We have our whole lives to keep fixing things."

i frowned, "That isn't true. We never know when we're going to die. Something could always happen so we should be trying to help as much as we can. Not to mention while we" I paused after my slip of the tongue, but didn't correct it "partied in undergrad people were suffering who could have been helped."

There's a flicker of a frown on his face when I mentioned how short life is, but he lets it go, tilting his head when he looks at me, "We can't save everyone. That's impossible. We can try to do as much as we can, but there will always be more people in need of help.

"Partying isn't trying."

He raised his eyebrows, "You didn't even know you wanted to be a lawyer, back when you were partying in college."

I got kinda flustered again, he's right, there's no logically sound way to win. Yeah but I should have, I wish I had. Would have made the time a lot less regrettable." I said then cleared my throat, "Though, this is a bit of a heavy topic for our first meeting, don't you agree? Your- Damian." I barely corrected myself from saying Your Highness.

He chuckled, "A bit, but it's different from the surface level talk about work and provinces." He inclined his head, "Though, if you think about it, you never would have discovered your passion for law if you hadn't joined your sorority." He shrugged and gave a stupid grin which made me blush even more.

Finally I snapped and turned to point a finger at him, "You won okay. I can't regret something if I didn't know to do something better, but that doesn't make topless jello shots any less of an embarrassing memory." I exclaimed then heard what I said and wished to curl into a ball and die.

He chuckled a little, "We all have our moments. It's okay."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door then, and a guard pokes his head in. Damian nods at him, then turns and looks at me, "Unfortunately, we'll have to exchange stories another time. It appears our time today is up."

I sighed in relief at my rescue, then mumbled under my breath, "Thank God." I stood to curtsy, "Your-" I cringed a bit at the error, "Damian."

He chuckled again, "It was a pleasure to meet you Savannah. Until next time." He smiled at me when we got to the door, and stopped in the doorway.

I smiled back politely, "Thank you for the conversation. Till next time."

*savy was taking a break from her work and decided to out for a walk in the gardens. She had always been a fan of taking runs when stressed snd the gardens were providing a peaceful alternative. She was walking around when she thought she saw a bunny in the bushes. Being the gal she is she wanted to see it closer so she stepped off the path and walked into the gravel. Immediately her heel sank in the gravel. She lost her balance for a moment but didnt fall. Instead she panicked. She debated stepping out of her shoes to get it out but she didnt wanna hurt her skin on the gravel. Instead she tried to wiggle it loose and hopped no one was near*

*rip savannah, but Damian is out distressing by playing basketball at that point in time, and from where he's standing as he shoots this basket, he can see someone clearly struggling with something in the gardens. he can't see who it is, or what the problem is, but he figures he should go check it out. he tucks the basketball under one arm, jogging towards the person he can see, calling out* Hey, everything okay?

*savannah hears him call out an knows immediately it's the last person in the world she'd want to find her like this* Absolutely peachy! *calls back and debates ditching the shoes*

*he slows to a stop when he gets closer, his eyes going from savannah's face to her foot* Mmm, looks like you've got yourself in a bit of a sticky situation, there.

*is extremely flustered* no situation at all. I said I'm fine. *aggressively wiggles the heel and almost trips so she squeaks but manages to catch herself*

*when he sees her almost trip, he lunges forwards to catch her before she hits the ground, but then she catches herself, so he's like "oh was that for nothing?" he looks down at the shoe, furrowing his brows, thinking* Here, let me help with that, before you actually fall.

I'm not going to fall and I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable of defeating some gravel on my own

*he takes a step back* Alright... if you insist... *hes not going anywhere, just watching her, waiting to see what she'll do*

*huffs when she doesnt hear him walk away and continues to wiggle then huffs when shes not getting anywhere* Fine. If you're just going to stand there anyways you may as well help.

*he chuckles, setting the basketball down on the ground, kneeling down to look at the gravel and the heel, before beginning to dig the heel out with his fingers* Not the best shoes to walk off the path in.

*rolls her eyes* I didn't think about that. I thought I saw a bunny and got distracted

*he can't help but raise his eyebrows at that, grinning, twisting the heel a little to unscrew it from the gravel* Was it at least a cute bunny?

*his tone is a little teasing*

It was cute, be careful with your tone though when your face is near my foot. *once its free she steps back on the path so she doesn't sink again*

*he chuckles, joking* What, are you planning on giving me a royal nose job with your shoe?

You could probably use one. *offers a hand to help him stand back up*

*he picks up his basketball, taking her hand, still grinning at her, teasing* Maybe it's just the angle you've been looking at it from.

*stands on her tiptoes looking at his nose* Nope. It's a little off. Nose job it is.

*she pinches his nose* its a big flaw. Doubt you'll be able to get a wife like that

*he chuckles* I don’t know, my nose has never gotten in my way before

*considers* You're right, I'm sure that was just your sense of responsibility that got in the way.

*he raises his eyebrows* You know, I’ve never turned in an assignment late, or anything for work late. Never asked for an extension.

I somehow find that doubtful. Your reputation of being a loose partier precedds that of a responsible duitiful person.

Well, it’s the truth. *he shrugs* If you’re really curious, you could email my professors. It’s all about finding a balance. *he smiles*

*grumbles because he seems to be honest about it* What did you even study?

I dual majored in political science and marketing. You?

*sighs in relief* at least you werent a buisness major. Political Science and History for me on a prelaw track.

*he nods, smiling, genuinely curious* Did you prefer one over the other?

Probably political science. I mean I love history it's why I added it. For fun since it's just like learning stories and seeing the modern day impact of said stories. But political science felt more efficient. Like it helped me have a better understanding of the philosophy of political thinking which has helped me a lot in law. Plus I just liked the professors more.

*he smiles* Understandable. Good professors make it so much easier to learn the content

*smiles* yeah and lots and lots of highlighters. Did you have a favorite topic in political science?

*grinning* I took a really cool course on comparative political economies - I really like the economic side of things. That, and the classes I had to take on international politics. *he looks over at savannah* What about you?

Probably civil politics. I've always been a fan of civil work. I honestly thought about working for the AFEI instead of the ICLU but decided I wanted to do more personal legal work than policy legal work. But it's always been the work that has interested me more since it's important to bring up civil conflicts within the country and try to help as much as possible. But learning about where we came from in terms of The United States vs the civil policies of Illea was an interesting course for me, especially because of the overlap of History and Political Science.

*he nods as she talks, thinking that all over* I think work guided what classes I liked as well. Because beyond national politics, I also have to think about international politics, trade agreements, and maintaining Illéa’s position in the world.

*seems slightly surprised* so you actually liked your major? I assumed you just were kinda forced to pick it

I was kind of forced to, but I could still pick the classes that interested me more. *He shrugs* Plus I really enjoyed my marketing major.

*thinks for a moment* Can I ask you something and have an honest answer? No bullshit PR answer. I'm just trying to figure out if we can trust you to be our future king through this, at the very least.

Sure *he nods, pursing his lips a little* Ask away.

Do you actually want to be the king of this country? Like aside from the perks you have from it, do you care about the work?

I do care. *he pauses, swallowing* I really do. It’s just...it’s a lot of pressure to accept from a young age.

*she thinks for a moment* Noted. Thank you for your honesty. *Looks at the basketball* Do you play much?

*he smiles kind of sadly* Not as much as I used to. I’ve gotten a little busy helping to run the country, and such.

*gets an idea* Do you wanna make a bet with me?

*he grins* Depends on what it is

Basketball. I'm working on a program right now with the ICLU, a coworker wants to come visit me and discuss about it but appreantly work visits aren't allowed during this. If I can get more hoops in you'll arrange that?

*he furrows his brows* Better yet, I could just organize for your coworker to visit under the guise of another event going on. Just give me a few weeks to work out the details.

*kinda chuckles because shes competitive* oh? Youre scared you'll lose? But if that's what you prefer

*he laughs* No, I just know I’d win, and I’d hate to deny you the ability to see your coworker

Fine. You'll set up the meeting, then I'll just prove to you that I would win had their beem stakes.

*he narrows his eyes at her, extending a hand to shake, still grinning* Deal

*shakes it firmly then kicks off her heels planning to walk to the court barefoot.* Would be an unfair advantage for me to still be in them

*he raises his eyebrows* Why, they helped square up the height difference between us, at the very least *he chuckles*

*almost elbows him over that but barely stops herself* I don't need that help. I'm perfectly capable of crushing you independent of my shoes

*he laughs* I played basketball in uni, you know?

As did I. Well- not in a club. A guy who I was *ponders for a moment* acquainted with, played it therefore I played with him and his friends fairly often

*he raises his eyebrows* And how tall was your acquaintance? Because I’m used to playing with people my height, but also my mom and sister, who are - *he puts his hand somewhere around his shoulder because they’re 5’4” and 5’5”* - about this tall

He was around 6'3. His friends the same or more. Don't worry I'm well aware of the disadvantage of my height and very prepared to utilize it

*he chuckles* Oh, I’ve got to see this. *when they get to the court he starts dribbling the ball casually, walking towards the middle of the court* Do you want to start with the ball, or should I?

*thinks for a moment and puts her shoes down on the edge of the court and rolls up the bottoms of her dress pants a bit* You can start with it.

*he raises his eyebrows at her rolling up her dress pants, but he nods* Okay, if you insist. *he waits until he’s ready before starting the play*

*she walks up prepared to steal since she cant block*

*he starts dribbling more seriously, quickly maneuvering around her, taking three large steps with the ball, and then shoots a basket, and it goes in*

*she kinda huffs about that dislikes. But once he has the ball again she tries again, this time getting it and doing her UNDER THE LEGS MOVE AND SHOOTS*

*he turns around, a little in shock* That is not a legal move!

Hmmm *puts her finger to her chin very smug* I dont think it explicitly says in the rules that you're not allowed too. You use your height I'll use mine *VERY SMUG*

*he narrows his eyes* Fine, best 2 out of 3? Whoever gets this next shot wins, then

*SHES BEING COCKY NOW* Aw is the wittle princey calling it quits so soon? His fragile ego damaged? *bats her eyes teasingly*

*he narrows his eyes* Fine, best three out of five, then. *he starts dribbling the ball right from here he is, and it’s a long shot to his basket from there, but he’s pretty confident, so he goes for it, and somehow it actually goes in. he raises his eyebrows at her* Still think you’re gonna win?

*crosses her arms* That was luck. *goes to get the ball since shes closer*

Or just sheer skill. *he smirks a little*

*turns to face him just to roll her eyes and gets the ball. She then dribbles it back to the middle or something idk how basketball works*

*he follows her to the middle, standing in front of her, knees bent in that “ready” position idk wtf it’s called lmao*

*that position makes knees wide so she dribbles and goes to do her fast under the leg move again*

*he sees it coming this time, and takes a few steps back, keeps his arm in front of him to reach for the ball, which he gets, and then dribbles across to the the hoop he has to score in, taking the shot, and watching it go in again. he grabs the ball as it bounces back up, raising his brows at savannah* One more, or are you good? *he grins a little*

*huffs again and crosses her arm* Fine we'll call it at 3 to 1. But in my defense it's been awhile.

*he grins* Well, you’re always welcome to practice out here with me, if you want.

I can't tell if you're being taunting or not *rolls her eyes and walks up to him then holds out her hand to shake for the end of the game*

*he takes her hand and shakes, then gives her a genuine smile* No taunting. I mean it. I’d love to have someone new to play with.

I'll consider it then. I am getting slightly bored of your homes running path for exercise.

*smiles back even tho she doesnt wanna because it was a nice offer*

*he tilts his head from side to side* Yeah, the running trail through the gardens is kind of short. There are better ones /in/ Angeles, if you ever want to check them out

Not sure I'm allowed to just waltz on out of here, but I'd love the names of any you know. My grandmother lives near her so I'm sure I'll be visiting soon enough after this if not immediately so.

*he shrugs* I could also drive you sometime, if you want. I /do/ have a car.

*seems a bit surprised* You know how to drive?

*he furrows his brows* Of course! I got my license as soon as I was legally allowed to.

But its not like you need too? Don't you have like drivers?

*he looks a little confused and taken aback* I’m sure some exist, but why would I want someone else to drive me when I could be free and drive myself?

I'm not sure. I just know rich people, like for example my cousin *mumbles for a moment to find the phrasing* So my grandmother is in charge of the Mars Candy Corporation. My mom's older brother Nathaniel will be taking over it, his kids also my cousins all have drivers. They're like twenty something now but Jackson is always bragging about how he doesn't have to take the effort to drive himself places. I just assumed other people who could afford them would have them, especially busy people who could work instead of drive.

*he blinks* Wow, I never even would have considered that. *he shakes his head* No, I like driving. Being able to roll the windows down and blast the music...it’s like a few moments of freedom. *he shrugs, smiling a little sadly*

*she noticed the smile then something clicks* so freedom is your vice. You act out to feel free, thus the partying. You mentioned earlier the responsibility of being a prince being am influence on the partying. A lack of freedom makes sense. *she knows shes getting too personal but her curiosity and worry for the future gets the best of her* But what does that mean you're going to do when you're king? You'll have even less. How do you plan to maintain that restriction without bursting and needing freedom?

*he stiffens a little at her analysis because damn it’s spot on, but sighs towards the end* Getting as much out of life as I can now. I always knew what my future held for me. So I can plan accordingly. *he forces a small grin, trying to joke* Besides, with any luck, I’ll be old and almost out of energy by the time I’m king.

*furrows her eyebrows concerned* That doesn't work. *sighs* Believe me I'd know. But we aren't wired to run off memories. Instead we develop habits and coping mechanisms. Everyone snaps from time to time, you'll go back to what made you happy last. For you I assume that'll be partying. Which is something you can't do as king, and assuming it wont be till your old isn't right either, regardless of if that was a joke it's not something that you can lean on since millions of people could be relying on you and you'd be unprepared. You are going to be king, You are not going to have freedom, you are going to be under immense pressure and responsibility, honest answer, what are you going to do when you need to snap?

*he narrows his eyes at her, this time more out of irritation than anything else, and he’s a little sarcastic* Gee, thanks for the reminder. Though, for the record, I /haven’t/ partied since uni, and I have no plans to in the near future. So perhaps I’ll rely on my other coping mechanism, such as basketball, or taking a drive.

Yeah well it's the truth and uni wasn't that long ago. It's hard to break habits. I mean I partied like 4 times a month in undergrad and I still use it. That was forever ago but that's not how humans work. You're gonna lean on what you've leaned on. You're going to get shitfaced, you're going to want what you used to have, you're gonna idolize those times in uni and want them back. But you're not going to have it and it's going to be hard and shitty but you have to tough it out because of the country that relies on you and this is proving to me that you're not going to be a reliable King for the people who need you.

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kleml · 4 years

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Geralt’s Curse

Title: Geralt’s curse

Ship: implied OMP/Geralt

Prompt day: 3 Curse, 1 Ostracism

Medium: Netflix, Books

Warnings: verbal abuse

Summary: My take on book Geralt's lifestory, as if he'd look like Henry Cavill his own life. Blaviken is based on the books too (where I'd say Renfri was kinda just as evil as Stregobor).

Timeline is all wrong, witchers are not hated per se, Kaer Morhen still stands.

Geralt is around 30 during Blaviken.

Word count: 2698

Author’s notes: Planned as crack, turned out more serious. Please criticize :)

@geraltwhumpweek

...

They loved to call him pretty.

Other wolves.

People in the villages.

Partners he took to bed, smiling and tracing his face features.

And as much as it should have been great to be considered beautiful, it was a big obstacle in his life.

All the kids brought to Kaer Morhen underwent the Trials. Trials of Grasses took place as soon as they got strong enough.

From the "before" Geralt remembered lots of food. That it was nice and cozy to sleep among the other kids, even though many kicked under the blankets or snored, catching runny nose in the cold castle corridors. He remembered there were many of them, so many they had huge kid tables, and that they were washed in groups by adults who promised to cut their hair if they continue to complain about the process.

He remembered thinking his mom will return and take him back. Same did the others, telling stories about their parents. How they loved them and read stories to put them to bed.

It was a blur.

Geralt didn't remember much.

The white hair, the heightened senses, quickened reaction and constant hunger - all of it came after the Trials. But he was sure his face stayed the same. His hands looked just as they looked before too, and the scars on his knees were still there, even though he wasn't sure how he got them. He also didn't feel like he himself changed in any way.

When he lost all memories so terrible his mind couldn't stand to keep them.

When common big beds became smaller, and suddenly there was only a handful of them sitting at the table.

When they made them eat sickening mushrooms and drink strange juice before they were allowed to eat normal food.

When he started his life as a witcher.

And it wasn't all bad. There was a lot of training. They learned how to fight, how to survive, how to recover. They studied all the creatures big and small, writing, reading and some manners.

He was ten, when he woke up with hair gone all white at the roots, paler skin and sense of smell so sharp his head got dizzy.

Some teachers treated them harshly. Others knew how to make studying exciting.

Autumns were the best time of the year. Traveling wolves returned home, bringing sweets and stories, laughter and tons of food, more than Kaer Morhen's fields and gardens could ever provide.

It wasn't until he turned fourteen that he got called pretty for the first time.

Extra Trials meant he had to be better. Meant he was better at many things, mastering challenges faster than others. It was all fun and games until the other

boys started to hate him for it.

"Ksemir! Hold your stance! You're doing it again!"

They were sparring with training blades, circling each other in the yard. Geralt huffed his hair that started falling out of the tail onto his face, and waited while the teacher explained things again.

"You cannot do that. You just cant, you don't have enough speed nor strength to pull it off. You should be staring less at the adults' training. Concentrate on what I'm telling you. Hey! Are you even listening?"

Ksemir was, indeed, staring at older wolves, dancing with proper swords further from them. Varin, the second fencing instructor who prepared to the Trial of Medallion, screamed at them every single time they made a mistake, and Geralt silently wished to stay fourteen for a little longer. Vesemir was on the Path this year, taking his time off teaching, and they had a replacement, Lestek. He was trying to kick some sense into Ksemir, but failed because of young age and compassion.

"Geralt did it but a minute ago!" another boy screamed. It was Ivur. Geralt didn't like Ivur and Ivur didn't like him back.

"You're not listening again. Geralt is faster, he can do that without getting hit. For the rest of you, it's too risky, hence, don't fucking do it!" Lestek was getting angry.

Geralt raised an eyebrow to Ivur and shrugged.

"Why is he always so fucking special?!"

"I'm not special, you just suck at fencing," Geralt got offended.

"Oh excuse me, and you suck at making potions. Do you think you'll stay this pretty long if you don't know how to treat your wounds?" Ksemir pointed back.

"What?" Geralt knew he looked fine, but what it had to do with anything? Why call him that as an insult?

"He's not gonna be a witcher, he's gonna be a whore like his mother. Look, he even grew his hair like a girl," Ivur jumped over and tried to jerk the tail Geralt's been growing for several years to be more like Vesemir. Vesemir was swell and ladies liked him a lot.

"Kids, shut up! What are you even talking about? Ivur, sit back!"

Geralt didn't pay any attention to that, stretching out to hit Ivur in the face.

It was ugly and quick. Ivur managed to rip off some of Geralt’s hair and received a slap across his cheek and nose.

"Look, he even fights like a girl!" Ivur cried out with a nosebleed.

Geralt got even angrier. And his head hurt. He threw his blade without looking in the direction of Ksemir and rushed away, heading to the tower.

"Geralt, come back at once. You're grounded!"

"Fuck off!"

Maybe he was pretty. Maybe he was special. He didn’t ask for that, nor he asked to be grouped with Ivur and Ksemir today.

Eskel said Ivur was jealous because he himself was ugly as shit, and his mother actually was a whore. Eskel also told Geralt he did sometimes act like he was better than all of them.

It took him time to think it over - during the punishment was as good as ever. He decided he wanted to be not only better, but the best. Learn potions. Learn to braid his hair so no one would be able to touch it. Learn to fight so good no one will ever get in his reach.

Felix got back the next autumn. They had sex on the very night he returned, and it was so much better than jerking off alone. Felix kissed him and fucked him and called him pretty. And Geralt didn't mind, because Felix was beautiful too. He maybe fell in love with him, lighting up with a smile every time he spotted familiar red hair in the halls, and that love lived in him for several years. They stilled called him pretty and special. Felix rubbed his nose over Geralt’s neck and asked “so what?”

"You'll make it. They trained you well, didn't they?" Felix said, and Geralt believed him.

Trial of Medallion only left four of them alive. Ivur died. Geralt didn't feel sorry.

They started to study signs after that, their medallions humming on their chests warm and pleasant. Eskel suddenly turned out genius at it.

Geralt forgot about potions and started to spend more time in the library, reading Monster books and History. He copied the stories about knights on their writing classes. Kaer Morhen only had so many books in the library because witchers wrote them themselves, page after page. Geralt did it well enough they even let him copy a small bestiary with drawings.

He trained more. Got good enough they let him enter their annual fighting contest, with witchers of all ages competing in front of others. He had learned enough potion recipes to survive. How to help wounded people and wounded witchers. Funnily, he also got excellent at scything, making sure Kaer Morhen's horses always had enough grass for the winter.

The first time he's been to a contract with a mentor, it went well. The first time he went to clean a wyvern in the mountains, he came back with not a drop of blood.

When he turned seventeen, Geralt met Felix. He had no idea why they never spoke before. Felix was five years older and has already spent his first year on the Path. They spent evenings on the castle walls, talking about everything, starting with the stars and ending with the upcoming Trial.

He could not make a Quen just as steady as Eskel's, but his Heliotrope worked well, and it's not like there were many bruxas out there.

With a newly chosen name (sadly not the one he wished for), he was ready. Or so he thought. Because aldermen had different opinion.

"Alderman Mislaw? You've written you have harpies nesting nearby. I can..."

"Do they have girl witchers too, now? Get out of my sight! Thank god a normal witcher already took care of them."

Maybe he had to break his nose of something.

"Sorry, what?"

"I'm here about your contract. It says you have a wraith. I can help."

"Sorry, boy, I guess I wasn't clear enough. Get the hell out of here."

"But it's a wraith. You need a witcher for that, I know how to deal with them. You are the contract issuer, right?"

"And a witcher we'll wait for. You are no witcher."

"I am! You see my medallion?"

"I don't care who they give those to these days, but you look younger than my son, and he's fifteen. Get out and stop wasting my fucking time."

The son was taller than Geralt and had a small beard. At fifteen. Kids these days...

"I've killed a cockatrice just a mile away from here. Is there a reward for it?"

"A cockatrice?"

"Skoffin? Kurolishek? I don't know how you call it, but it's there, too big to carry here. I have its feathers and claws with me, if we could just walk..."

"You say you killed our skoffin? Sorry lad, don't believe you. He's a tough one, our skoffin. And you should better go ask for a place in a brothel. All better than to try and portray a witcher. Feathers, huh. I can take those from my chicken and say I killed a skoffin too!"

He had to buy a horse. Absolutely had to. Or get better knives, suitable for ripping off cockatrices' heads.

It took time, but he got there. Started to be recognised around Kaedwin. Used connections other witchers had, spreading their tale about people the same way people talked about them. Geralt had a good reputation and almost felt he became a bit of a knight from those tales he loved once.

And Blaviken stayed that way. Even with the massacre that happened on the market, people were safe. Stregobor left, Renfri was dead as well as her henchmen. People will bury them, clean the blood off the streets, forget it ever happened and live their life in peace, as earlier.

But it all changed so much after Blaviken. So much he never thought it could.

Blaviken used to be a nice place. A place with friends, with good folk who were friendly on the streets and treated wounded witchers well. Caldemeyn, the alderman, knew him thanks to several contracts and always made sure he had a place to stay. It was a peaceful town. No serious monsters around.

There were no real monsters in the world. Only the ones created by humans and humans themselves.

Geralt trailed away, deeply affected by the turn of events. He didn't care about Stregobor's fate. He didn't care that Caldemeyn despised what he had done. But Renfri, the Shrike, and her choices... He only had himself to blame, really. Blame the hope, the belief he had in people. He trusted her to leave town, trusted her to step back and be reasonable. And now he had blood all over his hands, hers and of those murderers, she brought with her.

It wasn't his fault. She had her chance to leave. She was the once making the wrong decision.

Roach got left in a nearby village. He walked there, buried in his thoughts, happy that all the potions and possessions were there, and that he had a paper about that donkey will be returned with him. Getting problems in the village as well would have been a nightmare.

It felt like a dream. The cozy evening they had a night before with alderman and his wife, Marilka asking stupid questions five-year-olds asked. The sex. The morning, the realization.

Snow was late this year, so he made it in time. The castle met him with familiar noise, hugs, warm bathhouse, cellars full of grain and wine, and children, jumping around in excitement. His story about what happened only got one reaction: advice to stay the fuck away from humans, Geralt, when will you learn. It was home, warm evenings, the silence of the land covered in snow and nights not so silent. When the spring came, he almost forgot about it, pushed far enough away not to think.

Eskel, Emir and Geralt left together. They took a contract together too, taking care of a huge and mad troll near Ard Carraigh, and split up, deciding to meet in several months in Tridam, to make a run for Kovir with its never-ending gold.

It was a good year. Until Geralt got to Tridam, as planned.

Roach, his good old Roach, smelled familiar and grounding. Geralt explained the donkey cart situation, thought about everything for a moment, collected his stuff and rode away, now to Holopole instead of Yspaden. After Blaviken, he wanted to spend the winter home.

The nickname followed him from a town to town. Ironically, he was now known as a Butcher in the northern part of Nothern kingdoms, the areas surrounding Kaer Morhen. In Temeria, Lyria and Cintra people didn't care much. Maybe Vesemir was right all those years ago, and saying he was from Rivia was indeed a good choice. He now spent most of his time further and further from home, avoiding the villages who's managed to learn the word of mouth. Only fifteen years later he passed by Blaviken, heading up to Kovir. Rode his horse cautiously and listened carefully to people murmuring around.

"Geralt! You're here too. Come over, join. Lech, this is Geralt, Geralt, Lech is a genius in gwent. You need to play with him. I lost twice already, and his cards aren't even good! Come."

It was good to see Emir again. The Path was lonely, but with other witchers around, it was easy to feel included. Normal.

Lech was already drunk and sent Geralt a wink.

"How bout strip gwent?"

Geralt smiled, unsure of what to answer. He set his saddlebags down, planning to sit down next to Emir on the bench, when someone pushed him forward. The push was strong enough that the table shattered, making Emir's ale fall on the floor.

"What the fuck," Geralt muttered and turned around.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing? I payed for that!" Emir raised to stand.

"We don’t want him here."

"What do you mean?" Geralt held Emir's shoulder.

"I mean, we don't want your kind here!" the man, who appeared sober and pissed, spit on the ground between them. It attracted attention and the tavern turned almost silent, deafening after the noise it usually produced.

"What do you mean, our kind?" Emir has met some witcher-haters, but he wasn't in the mood.

"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to him," the man pointed to Geralt. "He killed half a village in Blaviken. Everybody knows that. A witcher with white hair. He's a monster! A butcher!" the man screamed.

The murmur around got louder.

"Hey, it's my brother you're talking about! Geralt is a decent man!"

"But I haven't... I killed the Shrike. Blaviken was safe," Geralt muttered.

"I've heard that too!" a woman from the crowd screamed suddenly. "My son was there, he helped to bury the bodies. It was a massacre!"

One by one, food started to hit them. The man pushed Geralt again, and suddenly the whole tavern became a pitfall. Geralt grabbed his bags and squished through to the exit door, followed by Emir screaming out blusters back. They had to run to their horses, axiing them and as many people around as they could, and abandoned the Tridam on full gallop, hearing the screams thrown their way.

"This is the Butcher of Blaviken," the village boy whispered to a girl who looked like his sister.

"Are you sure?" the girl whispered back.

"Yes. It's him. White hair, you see, pale as a witcher, and the two swords."

The girl's eyes went round as she blushed.

"Oh. I just didn't expect him to be so pretty."

Geralt hid his smile by lowering his head. Well, maybe it wasn't a curse after all.

There was a man standing behind him with a determined look on his face.

#geraltwhumpweek #he's not really suffering here #but i tried #pretty geralt #kaer morhen #or at least some descriptions of it #hard witcher fate #lol #did i really write this

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atopearth · 4 years

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Fate/hollow ataraxia Part 2 - Food is Bliss (Phase 2)

What?! So, Bazett dying is something normal? She dies, he takes her home and she starts breathing again eventually?? Or does it just restart back in this house after they both die? Wow, they can practically never die since they’ll always revive back at the house, unfairrr! Anyway, Avenger huh? I guess he’s Angra Mainyu? Since he sounds like just a culmination of all the hatred and violence, whilst also being someone that’s weak enough that he can’t physically fight and win against other Servants? I guess it’s good that Bazett is his Master then since she’s so great at hand to hand combat~ Did Bazett actually summon two Servants? And the other one was Lancer and that’s why he’s able to stay in this world even though Kotomine is gone? Actually maybe she just made a contract with Lancer? I’m not sure how I feel about Bazett as a character, in a way she’s interesting in that she fights to protect the “correct” way of life, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like she really cares since she seems to just feel like she needs to do this rather than this is what she wants to do? On the other hand, Avenger definitely has more thoughts and feelings towards things than he lets out with his superficial personality that he shows to kinda hide what’s inside.

Anyway, is that ghost house Shirou went to the place where Bazett and Avenger revive? Omgg hahaha, I love how when Sakura and Shirou had to cook dinner for heaps of people on the weekend, they started early on the brainstorming as to what they should cook, and when they were doing it, Shirou would refer to her as Chef Matou and Sakura would call him Chief Emiya hahahaa, they’re so cute! I think it’s one of the few times you actually get to see Sakura get full on cooking guidance from Shirou rather than the usual where they kinda just help each other out cooking their own thing. I wish we got to see the reactions of everyone eating the persimmon dinner! It would have been fun! I wanted to see the fruits of their efforts~ Oh well. It’s kinda saddening to think but it’s true that above all else, Rider is a monster that can and will eat humans if it comes to it, I mean, in the Fate route etc, it was apparent that she was unnerved over killing and devouring humans after all. As she said, she’s never been a noble spirit like Saber. LOL at Shirou wondering how it could be possible that young Gilgamesh is a nice little boy hahahah. I love their after dinner antics, lmao at Taiga losing her after dinner snacks to Saber through blackjack, she really gambles everything away haha. It was cute how Shirou scolded them🤣

Lmaoo, trust Illya to tease Saber for having a stuffed lion toy and then forcing Shirou to go buy her one too lol. HAHAHA, I love how Shirou teased Mitsuzuri’s little brother (Minori) about liking Sakura and tried to dig why he likes her🤣 Gotta love how much of a spoiled brat Taiga is to knee drop Shirou to play with her when he’s trying to sleep lmao. Honestly though, with the relationship Shirou and Taiga have, I can’t deny that I kinda wanted a Taiga route in FSN haha. Omg, I nearly died laughing at Shinji sulking at the harbour port for appearing only 3 times in the game when Sakura’s appeared so many times hahahahah. It feels like Shirou is the most smitten with Saber after all~ It was so cute when she discussed with him why bras and underwear had to have so many designs lmao. LOL, so it was Rin the troublemaker that told Saber to consult Shirou about it just because she thought it would be funny hahahahha. It was pretty hilarious when she insisted on Shirou accompanying her to the lingerie shop and Shirou ran away, but the icing on the cake was when Sakura and Rider overheard their conversation and Sakura wished her good luck on this quest lmaoo. Btw, I love how Shirou experiments making different snacks and he gets Saber the glutton to try them hahaha, so cute. Omgg Saber’s face enjoying Shirou’s baked sweet potatoes was so precious, she looked so happy🥺🥰 Lmao at Lancer picking up Makidera and them, and even saying his speciality is the javelin throw, I guess he’s not exactly wrong or lying hahahaha. Lancer being a part time florist is definitely a win win situation for him, he gets to pick up girls and earn some money haha!

I quite enjoyed Mitsuzuri’s meeting with Lancer, they got along pretty well due to their interest in martial arts etc, Mitsuzuri was so cuteee! I love how Shirou ended up bringing the party of Saber, Sakura and Rider to help clean Rin’s house hahaha, it’s true that with all her antiques and carpets etc it can be rather difficult by himself, not to mention how large the place is too! HAHAHA when Saber changed into her armour to clean Rin’s house. Lmaooo at Saber thinking all the gym equipment in the basement was what Rin tried to use as a catalyst to summon her but failed, it was so adorable when she started playing around with them all instead of cleaning hahahah, didn’t think Saber would be a bludger!🤣 It was really sweet to see Sakura’s reactions to things around the house, it was so adorable how she talked about Rin giving her the precious handmade ribbon (that’s on her hair) as a parting gift and saying Sakura has to repay it with a compounding interest rate lmao. It’s cute how she wanted Sakura to always feel connected to her through this “debt ”. Awww how cute of Saber to play with the lion plushie and even sleep with it at night!! She’s so cute!! Shirou totally deserved Saber’s wrath for teasing her about it so ruthlessly hahahah. Sakura is so mischievous! She literally just wrote down everything Shirou said in the letter to Rin hahaha, I love Sakura in this, she’s so cute but cunning at the same time hahaha. Omggg how embarrassing for Sakura that Shirou caught her hugging his jacket so lovingly hahahah! So cute though when she got all flustered. It was really thoughtful of her to notice that his button fell off and sewed it back for him.

Aww Rider going to school just to give Sakura and Shirou their lunches (that Sakura forgot) was cute, I also really enjoyed how Shirou ended up buying her food for them to enjoy together on the rooftop, it was really sweet of him. I don’t know, but Saber welcoming Shirou home and thanking him for his hard work at his job was so heartwarming, it really made me think she was such a great girl. I can’t believe this but my love for Rin is going to be at the same level as Saber if this goes on hahaha, Rin come back soon pls. I found it hilarious that Rider is so dissatisfied with bike number two that is mainly used for casual shopping, and really wants to use bike number one which is a racing bike, but Shirou is scared that she’ll be zooming around the neighbourhood like a rocket and refuses, which is very logical!! Lmao, just imagining Rider at her superhuman speed riding on that bike is killing me hahaha. Omg hahahah, that silly drawing of him imagining Rider being chased by the police on the bike and her escaping happily was so funny and cute LOL. Hahahaha, I loved how Rider tried to use her seductive skills to make Shirou bend to her will so she can use the bike, but then Sakura appears overhearing them, so she immediately runs away and leaves Shirou to deal with the misunderstanding hahahah. Honestly though, seeing Saber and Sakura co-operate happily making pie and enjoying the fruits of their efforts was so cute. They used to be rather awkward even though they got along relatively okay, so it’s pretty nice and refreshing to see that if they had the time to bond more, they could actually be so friendly.

I think I’m starting to see how and why some people might like Fate/hollow ataraxia more than the original game, because wow, seeing Sakura grow so much and become the captain of the archery club was so cool. I absolutely loved how resolute and strong she was, and I loved how she scolded Taiga for being a nuisance hahaha. It was so funny yet so cool to see that. And it’s not something sudden too, because Mitsuzuri stayed, supported and guided her into establishing more self confidence in herself into being a worthy captain so I’m glad it all worked out. Although it’s obvious Sakura would be a great captain seeing how she carries herself at the Emiya household haha. I also absolutely loved how she fed Shirou the obanyaki when they went shopping after, and it was honestly so beautiful and heartwarming to see how truly happy Sakura was. Not only is she now able to have a proper life where she’s spending time with people in the club and making friends with others whilst actually playing around doing other activities, she is also able to truly live for herself and not live in fear of anything in the Matou household. It’s so wonderful to see how nothing is holding her back anymore, and honestly this is the best ending for Sakura, or I guess, it’s more like a new beginning for her! I’m so glad they showed all this. Sakura used to think she didn’t have the right to play around and stuff, so seeing her enjoy all that made me feel really satisfied haha.

Confused Caster walking around the shopping district wondering what she should buy to make for dinner was cute haha. HAHAHA, I love how Caster and Sakura became friends because Lancer was trying to pick up Sakura and Caster hates his flippy attitude so she taught him a lesson lol. It was even more hilarious when Sakura subtly kept badmouthing Rin for using Shirou like a servant and Shirou not minding it hahaha, I think it was pretty funny how Shirou didn’t even realise or he ignored the fact that Sakura was talking about him and Rin haha. Omgg snake wine with a snake in it?! Reminds me of the crazy Chinese concoctions hahaha. Anyway, I really loved how persistent but considerate Shirou was into finding out what Rider likes to eat and what she doesn’t eat. I think it was really cool that rather than giving up after she said she doesn’t particularly mind whatever he and Sakura cooks, he instead asked her to come to the kitchen and get her to choose what she would prefer to eat from the ingredients they have. I really love how thoughtful Shirou is in changing his approach several times in order to get Rider to enjoy her food rather than just feel apathetic about it all. Lmao at Saber getting jealous that she doesn’t get to choose even though Shirou asks her what she wants to eat all the time hahaha. LMAO at Saber’s reaction to octopus and not realising she’s been gobbling it up all this time when she ate takoyaki hahahah. I love how through their “fight” about the weird things they eat, Shirou gets to understand a bit more about what Rider actually prefers to eat. Rin is hilarious for making Saber wear the fancy clothes Caster sent to them hahahah, it was so cute how traumatised Saber was hahaha. Shirou imagining Issei in a frilly dress was LOL, that cursed image hahaha. Hahahaha, I love how Saber didn’t give up on eating high class food when Shirou told her they were poor, and instead said that they should raise/make the ingredients themselves so that they could cook it in the future. It was so cute when she started talking about raising ducks and pigs hahhaha. Issei being fond of sweets is cute haha.

I don’t know why but I never thought about Kiritsugu’s grave at all lol! I never thought it would be in the forest at the Ryuudou Temple graveyard though! I wonder if Illya and Saber would ever go visit…but then again, Shirou doesn’t even go so I think it’ll be harder for them. Wow, I didn’t think I needed it, but hearing Kuzuki call Caster his wife and leave her in Shirou’s hands (to learn cooking lmao) was so..amusing LOL. On the other hand, Reikan (Issei’s brother) is a pretty cool guy! He’s chill, full of confidence but also a strict serious guy, I can see why Issei would admire him. He gets along nicely with Taiga since they were classmates so it’s pretty cute. I…feel so sorry for Shirou that he was caught between Otoko/Neko (his part time job boss) and Taiga, they’re monsters… Hmmm, the actual story part is quite short as usual. It was expected that the white hair girl was the one who restarted the holy grail war, but why does she become possessed and have claws come out of her? Poor Shirou dieddd! Is she hiding a monster inside that comes out when it meets Shirou at the wrong time? Hahaha. Anyway, I’m curious about her so I hope we’ll get more story stuff in phase 3.

#fate hollow ataraxia

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queerchoicesblog · 5 years

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London Calling (TS, Kaitlyn x MC)

As I promised, here’s the Kaitlyn x MC fic I wrote about last week. This is more a...songfic? That’s how they call them? Anyway songs play a huge role here and helped me sketch the structure of it as well as inspired the whole concept. In this regard, a special thank you goes to my lovely friend @kinda-iconic who provided help and suggestions for what then became the Hayley (MC) section: it was brilliant, beanie!

So, my entry for the Choice Prompt of the @choices-december-challenge is a TS fanfic showing what made Kaitlyn flight to her girl. As Hayley is heartbroken in her London apartment, in NYC Kaitlyn finally opens up to Amara about her breakup with her aspirant writer girlfriend.

Prompt: Choice

Word Count: 2325

Warning: This fic contains bad words; also tissue warning (don’t know if you’ll need it but I needed my tissue box writing this)

Tag: @darley1101 @esteladannishreyakamilah @kennaxval @choiceslife @psychopathdreamer21 @bluedragonlove

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Hey there, Delilah What's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away But, girl, tonight you look so pretty Yes, you do Times Square can't shine as bright as you I swear, it's true

Tears streamed down Hayley's cheeks as she listened to Hey There, Delilah. She was sitting on her bed checking her social media when a post caught her attention. It was a selfie Kaitlyn posted hours ago: she was smiling brightly at the camera in a nighttime Times Square and the caption said "On top of the world! #timeofmylife #newyorkmagic #dreamscometrue #midnightmayhemstardomcalling". She was utterly beautiful: the new professional haircut suited her and the night lights waltzing in her dark eyes made her look mesmerizing. Hayley instinctively reached to put a like to the post and a corny comment but refrained herself just in time. "No, I...I can't. We aren't-" a sob escaped her at the thought of their breakup.

"She's living her dream and I'm no longer part of it. I just have to let my rockstar go, she's...she looks happy without me. And she's not mine anymore".

She collapsed on her pillow, trying to silence her own sobs. She angrily reached for her laptop where the song was playing and shut it down. Then she stared blankly at it as she carelessly tossed her phone on the armchair.

"Enough with it. I need to get some sleep or else tomorrow I'll be late for my interview" she repeated to herself mechanically, as if it was a line of a script she played merely out of habit.

She went back to bed and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. But her wounds didn't seem to heal.

Oh, it's what you do to me What you do to me

-------- Miles away, in an underground New York cafè another tune was playing.

Staring at the bottom of your glass Hoping one day you'll make a dream last But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day you'll understand why Everything you touch surely dies

Kaitlyn was sitting in a corner booth, arms crossed and staring coldly at the table.

"This song is old, aren't they tired of this shit?" She commented harshly.

Amara, who was sitting in front of her, threw her a concerned look.

"C'mon, this song is not shit, Kaitlyn. It's not my style too but it's not that bad...and it's not what gets on your nerves".

Kaitlyn looked at her.

"Really? So what is it? Enlighten me".

Amara exhales deeply, pinching her nose.

"Kait...I'm worried about you".

Kaitlyn furrowed her brows, confused.

"Because I don't like the Passenger? I mean, we're a punk rock band, it's not that surprising-".

"Kait, I care about you and I like to think we're good friends so can you drop the act, please?".

"Drop the act? What are you talking about?".

Amara gave her a sympathetic yet concerned look.

"You haven't even touched your donut nor your coffee and you're the worst donuts & coffee addict I've ever known. We're living the dream of our lives in New York, New York, baby, with Overnight Records and something is off with you. You smile, you party with us but you're somehow...distant. Not your usual self. Even when you sing: you nail every note, but something is missing. You're missing".

"You're not happy with how I perform lately? Cause I can-".

But Amara cut her off.

"I'm not happy with how you pretend to be okay when it's clear and understandable that you're not! You should feel like touching the sky but you're not. Try and tell me I'm wrong".

"Do you think I don't understand the opportunity we got? That I'm ungrateful? Amara, chill! I'm having a blast! This is like the best thing that could ever happen to me, to us! It's a dream come true and I couldn't ask for anything better. We're making it big, my friend, I feel it!".

Kaitlyn smiled and took a sip of her coffee, but her gesture, her smile looked somehow forced. Seeing that she was getting nowhere since the walls her friend built were stronger than she thought, Amara decided to try a more direct approach.

"So I was wrong, well good to know." She paused, but just to put the stress on what she was gonna say next. "How's Hayley doing? Does she like London?"

Kaitlyn threw her an angry look, like a wounded animal.

"I haven't heard from her since she left. She must be busy with her new job" she hissed, looking away. A pained expression appeared on your face as she spoke.

"Job? Last time I checked it was just an interview-"

Kaitlyn immediately turned to her, an almost desperate tone cracked her voice.

"Only a fool wouldn't hire her, Amara! She's so freaking talented, haven't you read her book? You were at the Fringe Festival too: is there any other way to describe her dystopia other than "a fucking masterpiece not even Margaret Atwood herself could do any better"? No, she's born for that. Writing, it's like a second skin to her. Even if it's just for a ghost-writer book. She will nail it and they will ask her to publish a novel of her own and she will be the bestselling published author she deserves to be".

Amara raised an eyebrow to her.

"So you're totally okay that she's on silent radio ever since she left".

Kaitlyn shattered her jaw.

"She went her way and I went mine, Amara. Where one would go, the other couldn't follow so we did what we had to. What the hell would you want me to say?".

"That you're hurting. You don't have to put on the brave face with me, Kait, we're friends and if it happened to me and Darren I would be devastated-".

"Yeah but Darren followed you to London and found an internship in Albany, luckily enough. You just can't relate, Amara. Don't you even try that card" she cut her off coldly.

Amara hanged her head in defeat.

"I'm sorry, Kait. I didn't mean to upset you even more by mentioning Darren" she gave her friend a genuinely pained look. "I'm truly sorry, I'm just...Kait, I care about you and I can't stay here watching you hurting as hell and telling everyone you're having the best time of your life when it's bullshit!".

Kaitlyn diverted her eyes like a scolded kid. Amara took a deep breath to calm herself down and spoke again.

"She didn't even answer to your message then?".

Kaitlyn shook her head.

"No, she was clearly busy. Or she simply doesn't care anymore".

"I don't think she doesn't care...I mean at the Festival you two were so in love as-".

"WE BROKE UP, AMARA".

Kaitlyn raised her voice, making some customers nearby turn their heads. Amara gave them an apologetic look and gestured to that the show was over.

"Okay, okay...just don't shout, huh? You mentioned that you had a fight?".

"Yeah, I came home and announced her that we signed a contract with Overnight Records in New York, the world tour and all and she stood there like 'oh good for you'. So I said 'is something wrong?' She said 'I had something yo tell you too, I got an interview for this job in London but I wanted to talk with you first and what? You decided everything on your own'. But what should I have done, Amara? What? I'm in a band, I couldn't just say 'nope sorry girls my girlfriend is not okay with me moving to New York, abort the whole thing'? That would be nonsense!".

Amara considered her friend's words carefully.

"No, you couldn't...but I don't get it, what did you say to Hayley then? I mean she got an offer too, right?".

"Yes, but writing is different, right? I suggested her to come here with me. I mean, she gushes over New York all the time: the literary scene, the museums, the theatres...now, when I say: 'okay, let's go there together, I play in the band and you can maybe write about us' all of a sudden it's the worst idea ever!".

"You said so? Maybe you can write about us?".

"Yeah, like behind-the-scenes. If we make it big, it could give her a head start too! But apart from that, every aspirant writer wants to go to NY because there are so many opportunities or inspiration here!".

"Hmm...how would you feel if she suggested you to follow her to London cause London music scene is so lively you would surely find a band there? That singers can sing everywhere after all and you would have your muse with you?".

"But I'm in a band already! And Overnight Records is based in New York!".

"And Quillis in London. Kait, Hayley is a huge fan of us but maybe just maybe she doesn't want her career to revolve around us, around you. And I can't blame her, honestly: anyone would feel trapped. As you would have felt if she'd you asked to write songs about her in London. In both scenarios, you would have hated each other for the rest of your lives, probably. But" - she paused looking into Kaitlyn's eyes- "you know that too".

This time Kaitlyn hanged her head before speaking again.

"I know. That's why I didn't object much. This is how it must naturally end, apparently...you see it yourself. None of us wanted to become one of those couples full of resentment and self-pity who spend their day accusing each other of ruin their life. But..." -she sniffled and that's when Amara noticed a tear streaming down her friend's cheek- "But the truth is that it hurts and my dream now, here is less 'the time of my life' without her with me. I mean, with me even if she's an ocean away, but...mine".

Amara reached to reassuringly stroke Kaitlyn's arm.

"It's okay, sweetie, let it all out if you need to. We can leave if you-"

Kaitlyn gestured her that it wasn't necessary.

"No no, it's fine" she said sniffling again.

Amara quickly handed her a napkin to dry her face.

"Here, take this...Listen, I couldn't help but notice how you put it down into words: 'with me even if she's an ocean away'. Maybe this is what you really want-".

"Who cares what I want, Amara? It's over".

"Let me finish...and the possible solution to this".

Kaitlyn gave her a quizzical look.

"I articulate. I know that what I'm gonna say it's not easy: not gonna lie, it made many relationships sink, but I strongly believe that if something is worth fighting for it, you should go for it. Have you ever considered a long distance relationship?" Amara asked, biting her lip.

"I-" Kaitlyn started but stopped, unable to express her feelings.

"Wanna know what I think about your breakup, Kait?".

When her friend bashfully nodded, she spoke again.

"I feel that Hayley is hurting too, just like you. You both post fake happy social media status to keep the face but you're both regretting this already. I know Hayley a little too, she shut people out when she's hurting. She already did when you started with The Gutter Kittens and everybody was drifting apart in your suite, you remember? She isolates herself and tries to mend her wounds on her own before opening up again. Like you do, by the way. You're pretty similar here. And you're both inclined to make bad decisions out of fear. But when you let fear take the best of you, you don't really choose. She chooses, not you nor Hayley. You just run, just as she did jumping on a plane to London. But shut up that fucking fear! The truth is it doesn't have to be this way. You can at least try and fix this instead of well metaphorically bleeding you out because of some stupid pride. We may be making it big but you're too young to have regrets like this, Kait. The same goes for Hayley".

Kaitlyn blinked at her a few time before exhaling sharply and drying the last tear on her face. She cleared her voice and turn to her friend, encouragingly looking at her.

"I know what I'm gonna do, Amara".

She smiled weakly.

"You're right. I don't want to live with a regret like this. And Kaitlyn Liao may be stubborn but she doesn't go down without a fight" - she paused before adding - "I'm going to London".

"What? That's not what I meant! And...and we have a meeting with the producers right on Monday, then the sponsor-".

"Not permanently, obviously!" - Kaitlyn reassured her - "I just need to talk to Hayley. But I need to do it like face to face. I have to...at least try, Amara. I've made a mess and the least I could do is trying to fix it. Hayley...is worth fighting for".

Amara opened her mouth to say something but just smiled softly at her.

"Okay, Kait...I'll cover for you, if needed, just -I hate to say this after what you...just come back as soon as possible. But I'm with you: go get your girl".

Kaitlyn mouthed a thank you and reached to hug her. Amara squeezed her back then said:

"Now, eat your donut then we go straight to get you a ticket to London and pack your stuff. Then Darren and I are gonna drive you to the airport whenever the first flight is, okay girl?".

Kaitlyn smiled, looking a little bit relieved and taking a huge bite of her donut.

At that moment, a new tune started playing on the cafe radio and the girls giggled.

"If you were looking for a sign, Kait, this is it!" Amara commented.

The song was London Calling.

#choices december challenge #the senior #Kaitlyn Liao #kaitlyn x mc #choices fanfiction #playchoices

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moondustis · 6 years

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mobile masterlist

updated: 09/08/20

hello! here’s the masterpost for all the fics and drabbles i have written, requests and whatnot. all the content bellow are pieces of fiction and have been written by me. please do not repost my writing, in any form, anywhere without my permission! (m) indicates mature content you can also find my writing on ao3 and support me or make a commission on ko-fi. thank you for reading ♡

all my drabbles can be found here!

TAEYONG

• take care (m): “You watch as he gets shy, basks on the praise and your heart almost bursts inside of your chest. Taeyong is not perfect, no one is, but he does so much and you truly believe he makes the world a little better just by being the person he is.” (est. relationship, praise kink, fluff.)

• new things: sweet candy (m): Of all the things that you would think could come out of his mouth, this wouldn’t be one of them. “You want me to hurt you?”(fluff, dom/sub undertones, femdom)

MARK

• heaven all around me series (m): “When you’re eight mark lee pushes you inside a lake. At nineteen you fall a little in love with him. ” (church camp!au, fluff, minor angst) prologue (jaehyun + reader) / part 1 / part 2 / drabble

• pink + white: “it suddenly hits you that you love the boy in front of you. the purest kind of infatuation. this is not the first time you have thought about this, of course. you would have to be blind to your own thoughts to not know that your intimacy with mark ran far from being simply friendly. “ (,fluff, friends to lovers, )

• lose my cool (m): request: “ semi-public setting, “don’t you want to keep me happy?” and “show me how much you need me.” (pwp)

• what you like / pleaser (m): “Mark Lee is not an impulsive person, not at all. He likes to think things through so he can do them well. He’s also not a poor choice maker, not that he thinks so at least. That’s why he can’t understand why he’s in his room on a friday night conjuring a demon.” (demon summoning)

• basorexia (m): basorexia (n); the overwhelming desire to kiss (n); (friends to lovers, suggestive)

• new things: sit down! (m): “Yes, you had never done it before and it made you nervous that you would be placing a great amount of your body weight on a place so dear to you, his face.” (est. relationship, fluff, face sitting)

• love is not just a verb (m): Fridays meant that the boy that had the butterflies in your stomach absolutely going crazy would be waiting outside for you, and you would finally be in his arms as soon as the teacher dismissed the class. (est. relationship, fluff)

JAEHYUN

• perfect crime series (m): There’s two rules when you start a no-strings kind of relationship: 1. Don’t fall in love and 2. Don’t make it into something bigger than it is. And well, let’s just say you were not the best at following rules. (angst, fwb, college!au, drama) part 1 / part 2 (johnny + reader)

• blue lace (m): “He really wants to tell you that there are other options, just as easy and fast as dry humping like horny teenagers, but you look like nothing would make you more excited at the moment than that.” (pwp)

• innocence (m): “Your short lived romance with Jung Jaehyun.“ (fluff, angst, first love, friends to lovers)

• the louvre (m): “On the nights you spend alone the feeling of loneliness is not as comfortable as it used to be. It’s like Jaehyun has engraved himself in every part of your life, trying to fit in inside every empty spot you had.“ (angst, fluff, mentions of mental ilness, comfort, first love)

↳ perfect places (m): Memories had a weird way of catching people off guard and your mind swims with the one of Jaehyun hugging you near this very lake and whispering in your ears unkept promises. (breakup, angst, coming of age)

• nside (m): “Lazy rainy nights with Jaehyun. “ (pwp, fluff, est. relationship)

• malamente (m): “bonnie and clyde au! “Right now, at the downfall, you can only think back to the basement apartment and the job that barely managed to put food on your mouth. The lack of life on Jaehyun’s eyes and how it seemed almost gone the past days. And there’s the answer. It was. It was all worth it. “ (angst, drama, est. relationship, crime)

• break the internet (m): Tips on staying sane during the quarantine include exercising, establishing a routine, eating healthy and of course, phone sex. (est. relationship, fluff)

• sweet (m): Dinner nights, wine, vinyl records and falling in love. (est. relationship, fluff)

• one more time (m): Maybe this right here is a story about growing up and finding yourself, or about finding love and being vulnerable. But it definitely is a story about friendship, skating, pancakes and Jung Jaehyun learning how to deal with his feelings. (friends to lovers, angst, fluff, coming of age)

• new things: simple (m): “We should make one.” He says it with a calm voice but with a hint of uncertainty, shyness. You blink slowly, heart fluttering like crazy inside your chest. “A baby?” (est. relationship, impregnation)

YUKHEI

• high on your love (m): “the smell of weed is already strong when you open the door to yukhei’s room only to find him in his bed, in only sweatpants and your promised blunt between his lips. there’s a song playing that you sure it’s from his sex playlist. corny as ever.“ (fwb, fluff)

• swang my way (m): “yukhei held his phone with one hand and a dumb look on his face. he had been looking at that picture since the moment you sent it, only stopping to reply to it. of all the things he was expecting you to reply to the vine compilation he had sent you with, a nude was the last one in the list.“ (est. relationship, fluff)

• thangs: “your relationship with yukhei told in 4 moments and a mac demarco song.“ (fluff, friends to lovers)

• four leaf clover (m): “i don’t care the cost / don’t need a friend, i wanna be your lady” (fwb!au, angst, unhealthy relationships)

SICHENG

• heayahe (m): “you could or could not be head over heels for dong sicheng, the best reefer man on campus. it depends on who’s asking, really.“ (fluff)

DOYOUNG

• special affair series (m): “at a very young age you learned that wealthiness stayed alive by deals and contracts, and that’s exactly what your marriage with kim doyoung is. a deal.“ (arranged marriage, kinda enemies to lovers) part 1 / part 2 / drabble

• new things: day dream (m): Because the thing is, you had a plan. A very stupid one you’ll admit to that, but still it was a plan. A plan that involved seducing the teacher, to finally get him to pay attention to you. (teacher!dy, smut, fluff)

♡ YUTA

• exhale series (m): “you said yes because you liked cliches and yuta looked like a walking one, with his tattooed arms and dangling earrings he looked like the perfect bad boy that would break your heart and corrupt the good girl you were. a silly cliche.” (bad boy!au, est. relationship, voyeurism) part 1 / part 2 / excerpts

• loyalty.love (m): “the starting point, the moment it all changes, is very easy to remember. as is the moment it all goes wrong. ” (modern persephone and hades, gang au, angst)

• patience (m): On the rare occasions Yuta likes to take it slow, this is how it goes. (est. relationship, fluff)

• songs for you (m): A story about dreams, music, groupies and falling in love with your best friend. It’s the 70s, baby, live a little. (angst, fluff, band!au, friends to lovers, 70s!au)

JOHNNY

• killjoy series (m): You have never been good at making coherent decisions, making the right choices. You had a thing for danger and things that seemed out of your reach, a challenge. That’s how you find yourself falling for Johnny’s trap over and over again. (angst, band!au) part 1 / part 2 (mark + reader)

• new things: blow my mind (m): You open the box slowly but excitedly, getting rid of the wrapping paper to be met with the last thing you would ever have guessed, a shiny butt plug. It’s like the ones you see on the internet, with the bedazzled tip and all you can let out is a small ‘oh’. (est. relationship, fluff)

• keep it lowkey (m): A moment shared between two people that could use some more time. (idol x trainee reader, angst)

JUNGKOOK

• your teeth in my neck (m): “There’s not a lot on his mind these days, like his thoughts have gone blank and all he sees is red. All he can think about is the thirsty, or hunger he’s not really sure yet, in the pit of his stomach. It’s like it’ll never go away and all he’s left with is the slight shaking of his hands anytime he thinks about blood.” (vampire!au, fluff)

• purity (m): “you didn’t hate the prince, to be honest, jungkook was a very hard person to hate with his bright smile, cute cheeks and gentle personality. you hated the situation you were in, only seventeen years old and already promised to someone you barely knew. feminism was dead.” or your relationship with prince jungkook through the years. (arranged marriage, coming of age, royalty!au)

YOONGI

• tangerine blossoms (m): “You catch him watching you, of course you do, a smile gracing your lips and he figures this is the agony all the poets had wrote about.” (19th century, angst, fluff, vampire!au, friends to lovers, first time)

SEULGI

• we could do it (if we tried): This is not a story about how your dreams came true or how you find your true passion, no. This is a story about how you met her. Even in the chaos of it all, Seulgi was always the one you would end up with. (angst, first love, idol!au)

#nct scenarios #bts scenarios #nct smut #bts smut

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spnfanficpond · 5 years

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February 2019 Pond LiveChat Recap

We had a great time chatting today with @impala-dreamer!! Thank you so much, Beka, for joining us!

We talked about self-publishing through Amazon, how to do it, what the benefits are, and the challenges to making a finished product. A rundown of the chat, as well as some general Pond news, is below the cut!

Q: What sort of music do you listen to when you write?

Beka: Oh, uh... Well, Actually, I have a lot of playlists on youtube. So it depends. I have a hardcore smut list that is just music that gets my hips moving... then a romance thing which is feely stuff. A "Deanspiration" list that oddly has zero Zepplin in it, just stuff that reminds me of him or gives me ideas. Sometimes I hear a song and it instantly snaps an idea. I write to music a lot.

Q: For everyone, do you reblog everything you read or do you think likes have the same “power” behind them?

Beka: No. If I read it, I reblog, unless it’s iffy. Iffy means, I read it, but wasn’t up my alley or I think it would be too triggering for people. I avoid those types of fics, anyway.

@mrswhozeewhatsis: There is a very small percentage of things I read that I won't reblog, but then, I haven't really read them, I've noped out for one reason or another. Usually grammar/formatting or content, not writing style, to be clear.

@girl-with-a-fandom-fettish: I guess one reason I suck at reblogging is a lot of the stuff I read has nothing to do with what is currently reblogged on my blog and that just doesn't match in my very matchy brain...is that just me?

@mrswhozeewhatsis: I believe that everyone should be able to put on their blog what they want. Some folks see their blog as a collection like in a museum. Some folks, like me, see it as more of a news feed. Collectors are less likely to reblog because they're carefully curating their blog. My advice to collectors is to then make a side blog where you can reblog the things you don't want to collect.

Q: What’s the biggest challenge you find in writing?

Beka: I think the biggest challenge for me is writing in the moment. I can't write if it's not flowing, and sometimes I try to force myself just to get the story out bc i fear i'm letting people down by not posting enough? But it’s not good when I do that, so I have to let myself go with the story that's with me at the moment. Sometimes it's two at once, like today. lol. Also, Sam is hard. (heheh no really, he is. also he is. but pg13)

Q: There are so many questions to about this process!

Beka: I do really get asked about it a lot, and it's really not that hard once you do it. It's annoying to navigate and decide what you want to do, but it really is awesome and not too frustrating. Amazon is really great because they do have an extensive help section AND message boards so you can ask and talk to other self publishers so it's like having someone with you.

Q: You said you chose to publish through Amazon. Out of curiosity, were there any other ways you heard about or considered before you settled on Amazon, and if so, was there a specific reason you didn't use them?

Beka: I'm basically a Google fanatic, so when I decided to do this, I had no idea what I was doing so basically I goggled "How to self publish a book" and there were THOUSANDS of sites thrown at me. I honestly can't remember the other sites I looked at, but it basically came down to amazon was a company name I knew, I trusted, and had the best help and resources. And I have a kindle, so I figured that was easiest. I think I only looked into one or two others but I can't remember what they were. Amazon just stood out. I did read up on like actually doing it yourself like through a book binder and all that and it was SOOOO much work this was just the easiest and most cost effective.

Q: Okay, but with Amazon, do they, like, own part of your content if you publish through them?

Beka: NOPE. I hold copyright to all my works. they just are the people who produce the actual physical book.

Q: What was the time frame, like from start to finish, I guess? Or the process if you don't mind. What did you have to do to get set up with Amazon?

Beka: Ok- so getting set up was easy. if you have an amazon account, you're good. Or you just make one. then there is a website- kdp.amazon.com -and they literally walk you through the entire process. Someone up there asked how long it took - I rushed it. my novel started as fanfic, which I wrote in about 2 months, then I took 2 weeks re-editing and changing to non-fanfic, then about a week editing again and formatting and then i had my hard copy. So, all in- maybe 3 months, but the actual amazon stuff takes a few days to get you a book in hand.

@kittenofdoomage: One thing I will say about Amazon, it's very convenient but I struggled with the covers and formatting.

Q: Did you have to use special software to submit your work?

Beka: I write in google docs, but amazon no likey- so I had to move everything over to Microsoft Word. and from there it gets updated. HOWEVER, there is now in beta testing an amazon program which I downloaded for my 3rd book but was too frustrated to figure out so I never used it. it's specifically for Kindle, but kindle didn't like my poetry format so I couldn’t do it.

@kittenofdoomage: They have step by step guides. And I use Google Docs, too, but you can download into a PDF or .doc file from there.

Q: So it's not a copy-paste thing, you upload the completed file then reformat it for amazon?

Beka: well... it's two different things for paperback and kindle. There are specific formatting guidelines for paperback such as margin sizes and gutters and such so when you turn a page it's not all wonky. Kindle formatting is MUCH easier to do. you just upload and it does it for you. The files for paperback need to be formatted with specific things. it's not hard... just annoying.

Q: You mentioned changing your fanfic into non-fanfic. Does that mean you can't have any fan elements in a story to publish it?

Beka: Well... my novel was basically a J2 x Reader BDSM fanfic, and so I changed J2 to original characters, I changed the show, the car, the everything. If you know that I write SPN fic, and you read it, you can see it's clearly SPN, but those who don't know SPN don't know that, because I've asked. lol. Also- someone read it recently and thought the Jared character was Jensen, so I guess I changed it enough. I personally would not publish anything that actually said SPN or J2 or anything because those are copy-written characters and not mine so it does seem illegal to make money off of them, ya know?

@mrswhozeewhatsis: It is actually illegal to make money off of fan fiction. The WB owns the characters and the show. If anyone else tries to make money off the characters or identifiable elements of the show, the WB can sue and win.

@kittenofdoomage: Those who use Patreon are covered under fair usage only because Patreon is a donation site.

Q: Were there any parts of the process that surprised you?

Beka: Honestly, the entire thing surprised me. I went into it like just to see if it was possible and then i realized- I CAN’T publish my work. they WILL sell it. People WILL buy it. and it was all very shocking. It was scary, and I know people are intimidated by it, but it really was simple in the end, and if you want to do it- do it. It's awesome to look over at my bookshelf and see my name on actual, physical books ya know?

@kittenofdoomage: I was the same, Beka. I procrastinated for months. And okay, it wasn't a huge success but I learned from the first time, bettered myself the second time, and now.... I'm procrastinating again but that's not the point lol

Q: How much money do you make per sale?

Beka: It depends on the format and the cost you put. Like, for my short story and poetry book I make PROBABLY a few cents on it. My novel I make around $2 depending on the price I set. You set the selling price, and you can do sales and freebies.

@kittenofdoomage: You can choose everything. They tell you how much you'll make from each copy sold.

Q: Do they tell you how much other authors sell similar works for, to give you an idea what others think is reasonable?

Beka: Yeah, you can look it up, too. They have a chart that's like, "This is your sale price. This is how much we take to make it. This is how much you get," and you can fiddle with it.

Q: Is there any kind of marketing happening on Amazon’s side, or is it all you?

Beka: They can do promotions, but you have to pay them to promote it.

Q: Did you look into promotion costs through Amazon? What kind of money are we talking, here?

Beka: Honestly, I don’t remember. When I see a fee of any kind I run for the hills because I'm cheap like that. lol. It's prob not too cheap BUT they also have this thing you can sign up for that's like a library kinda deal where your book can go on the free book a month kindle deal- i didn't do it bc you don't get royalties for it. but more people read it? idk what's best. It's all very over my head marketing.

@mrswhozeewhatsis: I guess if you're looking to become a popular selling author, and you have the cash to pay to promote it, then after a few books, it would pay off when you develop an audience.

Q: Do you think self publishing is the way to go long term, or maybe a better in terms of testing the waters? I realize you are still in the latter stage but I'm curious about your opinion...

Beka: Here's my thoughts: I used to be a singer/songwriter. I played in Manhattan. I had paying gigs. I recorded an album. I thought I could make it work. But I didn't go for it. No one handed me a record contract. I let it all go to have my kids and family. I want to write. I realize no one's gonna stick their hand out and hand me a publishing deal. BUT I might be able to pay some bills with my books. I might be able to write enough, well enough to sell some books. and if i sell enough books, maybe a publisher WILL see me and then I can attempt the next stage. I think self publishing is great. Why not? Do it if you want to do it. If you want to write, write. If you want to share it, share it. Who's to stop you? And if you can share it through self publishing with people all over the world?? freaking do it, man.

Q: What is your best piece of writing advice?

Beka: OK, my best writing advice is... See it, feel it, write it. If you don't feel what you're writing, I'm not gonna feel it reading it. I think i'm more of an emotional writer than a descriptive. I can't tell you what the room looks like that they're in, but I can tell you how it feels that Dean just stepped on that Lego. ya know? Idk. Write what you see and feel, and put yourself into it, and it'll be amazing.

Q: Are you a planner or a pantser?

Beka: Planner? SOMETIMES. It depends. I have plans for series, but shorter things I just go with the flow. I'm constantly messaging Ashley like "DEAN JUST DID X. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!" lol

Q: Do you outline at all, or just have a general goal in mind?

Beka: I do outline series. but not... strictly or drastically. Like, right now i'm working on a series for my kink bingo that's alternates between the brothers. I have a general plot line over all to follow, but i've also set it up like c1- flogging. c2- spanking, etc.

Q: What is something you know now that you wish you knew before you published?

Beka: I think I'd tell myself to not worry and just freaking write what I want.

Q: Do you have a writing schedule or something that keeps you productive?

Beka: No. I try very hard to have a schedule, but I'm a little... slightly... bipolar I think and my writing follows my moods. I can write 20K in a weekend and then nothing for a week. I just literally ride the wave of ideas. Like, currently I'm in a slump. but I wrote 10K this week before the slump hit. It's quite annoying.

Except for some general conversation about the stupid places and times we all get ideas and the incomprehensible notes we’ve all left for ourselves, the chat ended. A good time was had by all, I think!! Thanks to everyone who was there! @littlegreenplasticsoldier @kittenofdoomage @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @because-imma-lady-assface @canadianspnhunter (And two folks whose URLs I never got: Cassie and Shaila)

General Pond Updates and Reminders

Angel Fish Award nominations are due soon! Click the link for the list of raffle prizes! Remember, every nomination is an entry! So far, we’ve only received three or four nominations. If you have sent in a nomination, but have not received a private message confirming we received it, we didn’t get it. Send it in again! Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

SPNFanFicPond Season 14 Weekly Episode Writing Challenge - New prompts go up after every new episode, and there’s no deadline! Check out the prompts and rules at the link!

Say hi to February’s New Members!

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the chat room and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details! The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

Next month’s LiveChat details will be published as soon as we know them! Hope to see you there!

#spnfanficpond live chat #chat room #let's chat #THE CHAT ROOM #pond chat

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remindme2breathe · 3 years

Text

Inspired and alone

I just wrote a recent entry about how I made my money. In that I mentioned a patient who inspired me. It’s been a few hours since I posted that and could not stop thinking about this notorious patient... I gotta get it out... I gotta just tell it!

We will call him Amazon (it’s the first word I saw when I looked up, sorry, I’ll try and be more creative next time). Amazon was about 82 when he landed a spot in my unit of the hospital I worked for. I’ll admit that when I first met him I didn’t think he was any more special then the 60 year old in the next room, to me, a patient was just that: a patient! The hospital I worked at has a wing for the Wealthy, I didn’t work that wing, I worked the ER right next to it. While I saw the druggies, drunks, rape victims and stabbings (the list goes on), just on the other side of the wall lived a land where the patience laid on temperpedic mattresses, had one nurse for every two patients (while in ER you take on about 6-10 depending on who’s scheduled). Everything was different, it was like coming out of a high end store and walking right into the hood! Literally, that’s how different it was. While our waiting rooms had wait times of up to 3 to 4 hours, that wing had a special phone line for these wealthy members to call and announce their arrival, at which point the linens were placed, bed available (not shared), a fruit basket for their guest to enjoy while waiting in their own private living room. Their menu was ridiculous too, ‘ridiculous’ when you compare it to the soupy salt less mashed potatoes, stale graham crackers and watered down orange juice. That wing had dinner options for the guests (up to 2), salmon, some type of roast or something else. Their water came in bottles and water glasses. The patients had to survive on a better quality diet that it typically suggested by the attending Doctor. Their were several perks to being in that wing, one being the awesome accommodations, the second, YOU WAIT FOR NO ONE. There is a Doctor available. Can’t find yours? THEY WILL FIND HIM AND BRING HIM TO YOUR ROOM. On that floor, it was said, that when a Doctor has his patient in that wing, they do not leave (they stay in a designated resting suite) because they have 10 minutes to report. This comes with a hefty membership cost. Back then (2015) I believe I heard someone say it was upwards of a 150K ‘’donation’’. Today I KNOW FOR SURE THAT DONATION IS A LOT HIGHER.

I had a friend who worked in that wing, she always complained about how BOUJEE her patients are or how demanding their guests are, I just smiled and listened. I kinda knew the feeling but had no desire to fuel her opinions, we all had problems with patients, but this is what we signed up for! While I was standing in her nurses station I noticed how many nurses would go to lunch at the same time, I was shocked. The ER was permitted one at a time, if the day was slow (which hardly happened) you’d be lucky not to eat alone. While I stood there I was noticing other tiny differences. For instance, they don’t have crash carts near by, they don’t have many assistants, in fact I think they had way more records people on the floor then actual nursing staff. As luck would have it someone started Coding. Apparently this didn’t happen often as I looked at my friend and she looked lost, as though she had no clue what to do! I yelled at her to call ER for a crash cart and to call the MD on call. I bolted to the patience room and immediately started my ER shift. Thankfully the patient pulled through and this brought great attention to the response time. Can you believe that floors director had the gull to yell at me for responding! Because it wasn’t my floor! OMG, the nerve! Needless to say she was fired for that among other things, but that’s neither here nor there. Directly across the hall was patient by the name Prime, first name Amazon (I know, I know! Next time, I PROMISE I’LL TRY HARDER!) who would one day turn into my best friend.

A few days after that happened I was given an award via the hospital for my quick thinking and whatever else they wrote on it. With that came a gift basket and a sealed envelope. I thought it was quite amusing when they said the envelope is from a patient of the hospital and they were under strict orders not to open it. They suggested playfully for me to read it out loud, to which I kindly declined. On my lunch hour I sat in my car and opened the envelope. Inside was a $25.00 gift card to starbucks <3 and a short handwritten letter from the Prime Family. They said they watched the whole event and were incredibly impressed with my quick response and ability to help. They admitted that although they do not know the family of the man who Coded, that Mrs Prime took it upon herself to let them know who saved their family member. I’ve been told that Mrs. Prime also ripped the hospital a ‘new one’ for its lack of education for the staff- I never bothered to see how that turned out. They left their phone number and ask that I call it because they had some questions for me. Of course that struck a curiosity. What could these people possibly need to ask ME? I waited a few days (no one wants to seem desperate), and oddly enough when the day came, I felt nervous.

When I called it rang exactly 5 times when a cheerful voice answered ‘Hello, This is Mrs Prime’. WHO ANSWERS LIKE THAT!!! Important people I guess. I said something lame “Hi, I got a letter asking to call?” I had nothing clever to say! REALLY!!! She giggled and said ‘’I didn’t think you were going to call! I’m so glad you did! My husband and I would love to sit and talk to you about a potential position, if your interested”. At that time I was working at the hospital, I had a decent schedule, benefits, and was established, but where there is an opportunity to grow, I will always entertain the idea. She asked if I can come by their home the very next day. At first I was a little hesitant because these are complete strangers, what if they murder me? Or what if they try to get me to play some kinky game? Ewww. Anyway, I went.

They lived in a very expensive country club in our area. I couldn’t believe it. I fell in love with just the front of their house, as I sat in my car I prayed to be kept safe and to not fk up my words! I felt I took an eternity to walk to their front door, but the walk was nice. They had a tiny river running under the walk path, fruit trees on both sides, everything immaculate! I reached the 23 steps to get up to their front door. I knocked on the enormous steel double doors. A Hispanic woman opened the door with the biggest smile on her face. For a split second I thought of that movie GET OUT, I thought GIRL IS YOUR SMILE SUPPOSE TO GIVE ME THE SIGNAL? WHATS GOING ON! She asked me to come in. Standing in the entry way really made you feel tiny. There was beautiful artwork and busts on custom built cut outs, polished concrete floors- impeccable. I was at a loss for words. The woman walked me towards a grand living room (I bet my living room would fit in there maybe 5 times! No exaggeration). They had an over-sized ivory colored sectionals (ahh, the luxuries of not having small children in the home) with light grey and cream colored throw pillows surrounding a glass coffee table. They had a small marble cheese platter, so fancy these Prime people were! Mrs Prime immediately stood up and shook my hand, and on a recliner was the top of a balding head with a sea of white hairs. She cheerfully said “This is Dr Prime” he reached his old wrinkled hand out to shake my hand, a firm grip. He was not all smiles like his wife, he was more serious. He had CNN on the lowest volume. He was not for chit-chat, he immediately gave me a short background of himself. He said he has been a Doctor for over 45 years, he explained that he became handicapped because of a bad knee surgery that could not be reversed, hence keeping him from all his social activities. He walked at snail speed and used a walker, he was embarrassed and felt like a burden to his family, he didn’t say it directly but I heard him loud and clear. He said he appreciated my professional performance at the hospital and wanted to offer me a full time position in his home. To me this seemed like such a risk! I had kids to take care of! I can’t leave a solid stable job for something that can potentially go bad. I explained my circumstance and said I was flattered and appreciated his interest in hiring me but that I couldn’t risk not having money coming into my home in the event that he fired me for whatever reason. He laughed, the kind of laugh that almost says ‘don’t be silly’. I looked confused because these are moments I only watch on movies, these things don’t happen to me. He said he will have his lawyer draw up a contract and to let him know what I want (yes, this part was a little creepy, there’s millions of nurses who know as much as I do, WHY ME!). I joked and said ‘’Dont play with me Mr Prime! I’ll ask for everything, including your walker! Then what are you gonna do!” Everyone laughed, it was at that moment that I noticed a ‘CLICK’ between all of us. Humor was his way of facing everything, a shield I often used when I’m nervous. He said he noticed that he was putting me in a difficult situation then proceeded to ask me question, “what does the hospital offer you that you feel you can’t let go of?” I said “my insurance, my kids benefit from that”. Then he asked “what about the hours you work, do you like those?” I said ‘’not really but it’s responsibility”. He then said “I WANT TO HELP YOU, and I need you to help me, we both are taking risks, you ready?” The way he delivered his words locked me in, he seemed so absolute and confident. It took me a minute to answer when he said “this is what we will do, give me one week to have my lawyer draw up a contract that will make us both happy. You can then review it and decide at that point, what do you think?” To that I did agree.

Exactly a week later, his housekeeper... no, assistant? no... right hand woman to the Mrs? no... I still don’t know what to call her, it wouldn’t even matter, because I didn’t know then that I was eventually going to take her job. Anyhow, She (oh gosh, we need to name her guys! We will call her Rosa, truthfully, I think her name really was Rosaline, or Rosemary or something like that) called and said Dr Prime would like to see me this evening, I agreed. After my shift I went to his mini-mansion and found him, his wife, and two other men in suites sitting at a round cherry wood dining table. I felt so out of place! Here I am showing up in crocks and scrubs and these people look like their about to have some fancy dinner. The house smelled GREAT! Someone was cooking, I know it wasn’t Mrs. Prime. Anyway, I went and sat across them (talk about feeling like your in the Lion’s Den). One of the men in the suites introduced himself and said he is an Estate Lawyer for the Primes and that he will be reading my contract to me. I have that contract in my possession but its LONG! So I’ll highlight the benefits.

If I took this employment opportunity I will be required to travel with the family. Certain accommodations will be available for my family in the event that the trip is more then 2 days or out of the Country. I was to receive a Vehicle to be used only for trips that Dr Prime needs to be transported. I will be responsible for all medical equipment and prescriptions in accordance with his personal MD. I am to be available to the family 24 hours a day with no days off (I know, hold on, I’ll explain), If I get sick I am to schedule an assistant and visually be of assistance from my location to ensure safety and organization. I will have access to a Credit Card for any work-related expenses (Pay attention, this gets better). In case of personal family issues, arrangements will need to be made known to Dr and Mrs Prime as soon as possible. In taking this position I will be allotted $1,000.00 in uniforms including shoes a year. This position will require me to overlook a private chef who will prepare breakfast and lunch for Dr. Prime. On Occasion I will need to ready him for social events. In the contract it stated that in case something should happen to Dr. Prime that I will have a year’s pay. There’s more but this was the gist. I was overwhelmed, THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME!!!!! They covered everything! All my worries were spoken for. I looked at Dr Prime straight in the eye for what seemed like forever. I felt like he was saying IT’S GOING TO BE OK the whole time... I signed.

I turned in my immediate resignation at the hospital and quickly went to work. One the first day he said to get my car keys, there was a beautiful black Range Rover that was to be called my WORK vehicle. I asked how this was suppose to work? Am I suppose to leave it here? He said no, you take it home, your on the clock 24 hours a day, you need it. OMG!!!!!! Then he said there was fine print that was not included in the contract but that I needed to know about- awww shit! Here we go. He said “my wife and I are snow birds, we will be here 5 months out of the year and the other 7 months we spend it in Vermont. I CANT GO TO VERMONT FOR 7 MONTHS!!! He quickly came in and said “you are only on the clock until I am settled in out there, when the time comes for me to go back, you will pack up everything, ship it, fly with me, and hand over my records to my daughter who lives out there and has an assistant to help me” He informed me that it would be like a vacation and my kids are welcome to go as well since this process usually takes about 2 weeks. He said the car can still be used because I am still on the clock according to my contract.

Fast forward a few years. Him and I became the best of friends. He was a great debater, I enjoyed out conversations. He was to me what Tumblr is now... my personal therapist. He always had great advice and truly came to care for my family, and my family for his.

There’s a lot to say about him, and I will eventually. It still hurts to not have him around. Although I stayed fairly close to his children and wife, he is a massive existence that can never be replaced. He was my financial guide, he told me how to make money that can work for me. My job was easy with him, I think the emotional part was the most challenging. Aside from his physical ailment, he suffered with depression and has mentioned not wanting to be around anymore. As a matter of fact, at one point he took some pills he knew he wasn’t suppose to have, they were his wife’s. He was rushed to the hospital, as soon as he was himself again I dropped the bomb on his old ass! What a selfish move! And not that I struggle with my own anxieties, I can understand the feeling, I wish there was more I could have done to help him with that. Side note: no, he didn’t die of suicide, it was natural causes.

In the end, when God took him home, I was home. It was about 9:30 a.m. when I got the phone call from his house, and it was his daughter crying uncontrollably. I obviously got worried and said IM ON MY WAY, she said “No, It’s not that, my daddy passed away this morning” I dropped to my knees and cried. I remember because I was in my backyard doing yard work with my kids. I remember they hugged me, I was numb for weeks to come. About two weeks later his wife called me to help her with some things. When I showed up, her kids were there too. They all hugged me and cried quietly. Mrs Prime said she needed me to fly with his remains back to Vermont because no one else had the strength to do it. I agreed. Before I left Mrs. Prime said the lawyer was going to contact me in a few days, I cut her off and said “really, I don’t want anything, he was a great friend and you all have been so kind to me” she just smiled and said it again “the lawyer will call you okay”. About 3 weeks went by and a lawyer called to come to his office. When I went he said that Mr. Prime added me to his will and requested a few things for me. 1. My vehicle keys will be surrendered to lawyer for updated vehicle. 2. I will receive pay from the Family Trust for 3 years of the same amount discussed. 3. 2 College accounts have been started courtesy of the Family Trust for my two boys. 4. All bills for my household will be covered by the Family Trust for one year. 5. A letter.

I was as white as a ghost. I definitely didn’t deserve that! The lawyer handed me a manila folder with a single white envelope that read the following:

MY TRUEST FRIEND,

I WISH I COULD SAY THAT LIFE IS EASY KID, BUT WE BOTH KNOW IT’S ONLY EASY FOR THOSE WHO REALLY WANT IT THAT WAY. I’M WRITING THIS TO SIMPLY SAY THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR MANAGING TO MAKE ME SMILE AND FEEL ALIVE. FOR NOT TREATING ME LIKE A DYING MAN. THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME AND MY FAMILY ENTER YOUR HEART LIKE YOU ENTERED OURS. THANK YOU FOR NEVER LEAVING MY SIDE WHEN I WAS TOO SCARED TO ADMIT IT. I WISH YOUR BOYS SEE YOUR WORK ETHIC AND EMPATHY FOR PEOPLE AND ABSORB THAT. YOU ARE A GIFT! PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MRS PRIME, YOUR CONTRACT IS NOT OVER UNTIL SHE’S GONE. YOU WILL HAVE A FOREVER JOB HERE, AS LONG AS YOU WANT IT. THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS KEEPING ME IN YOUR PRAYERS AND FOR SHOWING ME THAT HONESTY AND NOBILITY STILL LIVES. ILL SEE YA AROUND KID! I LOVE YA!

#BiggestBlessing thisdoesnthappentome #IMISSYOUdrprime #notsocrativewiththenames

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avbreys · 3 years

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[ sian lilly , cis female , ‘binge-worthy or cringe-worthy: hot take on aubrey emerson’s latest acting role in new netflix special’ ] — only five minutes ‘til midnight , and we just spotted AUBREY EMERSON , known for their PASSIONATE PERFORMANCES ON SCREEN BUT STOIC DISPOSITION OFF , PERFECT INSTAGRAM AESTHETIC , AND AN EXCESSIVE COLLECTION OF CAMERAS at club nouveau , ringing in the new year ! the TWENTY-THREE year old is usually known for their job as an ACTRESS , but tonight , they’re just another reveler in the crowd . when they wrote down their new year’s resolution , they wished for A “SERIOUS” ACTING ROLE AND MORE FREE TIME TO INDULGE IN HER HOBBIES . funny enough , they had also mentioned how they hoped to forget about the time that they REDACTED . for what it’s worth , i truly hope they can put the old year past them .

hello hello ! it’s ya girl lia with a brand new muse ! i’ve been sitting on this idea for awhile now & thought i’d say f*ck it & bring her into the group . her google doc isn’t completely finished but i’ve been working on it on & off all day & wanted to get something out so i could actually get plots going for Miss Aubrey , so here we are ! under the cut is a hopefully comprehensive summary of what i’ve got for her so far + some wanted connections but if you want to take more of a deep dive then feel free to check out her full bio and stats in the doc <3

𝗚𝗢𝗢𝗚𝗟𝗘 𝗗𝗢𝗖 + 𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧

*+.. 𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗦 ↴

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: aubrey jacqueline nicole emerson 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄(𝐒): n/a 𝐃𝐎𝐁: 10 january 1998 𝐀𝐆𝐄: twenty-three 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑: cis woman 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒: she / her 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: bisexual biromantic 𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂: capricorn sun , gemini moon , scorpio asc 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄: manhattan , ny 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍: manhattan, ny 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄: manhattan , ny 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: actress , best known for her role in netflix romantic comedy similar to the kissing booth or to all the boys i’ve loved before 𝐄𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐋: graduated high school

*+.. 𝘽𝙄𝙊𝙂𝙍𝘼𝙋𝙃𝙔 𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔 ↴

okay her dad comes from a long line of journalists and is the current publisher for the new york times and chairman of the new york times company, which is a position that has been passed down through her family for generations. meanwhile her mother is self-made to some degree ( i mean she did come from nothing but then married rich ) and is known for being a successful model and a not so successful actress

she has two older brothers who were raised to one day take her father’s place, essentially. and aubrey herself was just sorta looked over because she was the baby and the only girl and they were like “eh, she doesn’t have to really do shit except be there and look good for the cameras when the press comes for us”

grew up as a big fan of movies and used them as a sort of escapism from her rather lonely upbringing. eventually decided that she wanted to be in movies one day and put all her energy into making that dream a reality

once she graduated high school, she left for la where she tried to breakout into the acting scene on her own accord ( so without mommy and daddy’s money and connections ) but things didn’t come easy for her

she eventually got her big break when casted in a netflix franchise, her contract being for a total of three movies. the leading lady role helped get her name out there and she went from a nobody to a somebody in the entertainment biz. but all that popularity from the films has led to her often being type-casted which she doesn’t enjoy. plus the media loves to draw comparisons between her budding acting career and her mother’s failed one which is also less than ideal

feeling frustrated with where her career is headed, aubrey moved back home to new york just in time for new years and has been trying to adjust to being here ever since. it’s been about five years since she was last living in the city so she has some catching up to do. and while it’s nice to be surrounded by places and people that knew her from before, she’s mostly focused on finding her spark again-- the one that got her so determined to try acting in the first place

so she’s incredibly ambitious and is hoping to have that fire lit up in her again after going through a roller coaster of emotions over the last few years with the rise and plateau of her acting career. kinda not here for shenanigans and has major type-a tendencies, but it’s highly likely that she’ll still get up to no good

*+.. 𝙒𝘼𝙉𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝘾𝙊𝙉𝙉𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙎 ↴

gimme everything please & thank you , i am fully prepared to love you all down with plots & musings <3 but to give y’all some specific ideas

on the platonic side of things: childhood friends, family friends, best friend, good influence, bad influence, confidant, social media mutuals, fellow movie lover buddies

on the romantic side of things: exes on good terms, exes on bad terms, exes that still hook up, the one that got away, childhood crush, current crush, casual hook-ups

other fun ideas could be: co-stars, rivals, pr friendships, enemies, frenemies, neighbors, ex-friends, secret friend, cousins, models for her photography, people that she enjoys her hobbies with ( which include shopping, reading, yoga, and soul cycle among other things )

#nouveau.intro #i promise i'll work on making this better tomorrow <3

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wbwest · 7 years

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New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/05/05/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-5517/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 5/5/17

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In TV news, we got the first trailer for Marvel’s The Defenders series on Netflix. I dunno, y’all. I’ll be the first person to tell you that I’m behind on these shows. At this point, I’ve only seen Daredevil season 1 and Jessica Jones. No DD S2, no Luke Cage, and no Iron Fist. Sorry, kids, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Daredevil was a worthy bingeing experience, as each episode ended on a cliffhanger that MADE you have to check out the next episode immediately. Jessica Jones, not so much. It took me about 3 months to get through that show. Now, I enjoyed it, but it didn’t demand that I consume it immediately. I’m eager to catch Luke Cage, but I wanna go in order, so that means I’ve got to meet the Punisher and Elektra first in Daredevil season 2. So, even though The Defenders comes out in August, I’ll be lucky if I get to it in 2017. Anyway, I told you all that to make you see that my level of enthusiasm for this probably isn’t as high as yours because I’m so far behind. That said, I thought this trailer looked hokey as Hell. The scene where Murdock comes into Jessica’s interrogation felt like a bad fan film. Shit, the whole thing felt like a bad fan film. Remember when Playstation Network aired that Bendis Powers show? Yeah, it looks like that. Something about the cinematography of it all. And then they had to do another goddamn hallway fight. WE GET IT ALREADY! I just don’t know about this one right now..

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In other TV news, there are talks of a Roseanne revival, with ABC and Netflix interested bidding on the project. Laurie Metcalf, Aunt Jackie herself, reported that contracts have been worked out, so now they’re just trying to sell the series. Right now, Roseanne (does she currently have a last name?), John Goodman, and Sara Gilbert would star, while Metcalfe says she’s on board in some capacity. It’ll be interesting to see how they pull this off, ya know with Dan being dead and all. Still, it ended with one of the most maligned series finales in television history, and they’ve got a chance to basically erase it. How many shows can say that? Anyway, I was never a huge Roseanne fan. They were just so poor and depressing. Are they gonna lose the bike shop? Are they gonna lose the loose meat restaurant? Is Fisher gonna stop beating up Jackie? I know their struggles resonated with certain folks, but not me. I actually liked the Lottery Season because I could say “Thank God their lives aren’t such shit anymore!” Anyway, I’d bet money on this happening, so it’s now just a matter of where it’s gonna air. The big question is in which “universe” it will be set. After all, the finale basically laid out that everything since about season 4 of the show had been a lie, since Darlene actually ended up with Mark, Becky was the one with David, Jackie was a lesbian, etc. So, would we get the “true” Roseanne, or just more of what we’re used to? And with Mark dead, and David on The Big Bang Theory, I don’t really expect much from those characters anyway. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

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I was on my own last weekend, so I took the time to watch TV and catch up comics. Well, I didn’t really watch TV, but it was on in the background. It provided the soundtrack to my comic time. What did I watch? CMT – Country Music Television. Yeah, yeah, you hate country. I don’t care. I grew up on it, so it has a special place in my heart. Anyway, when I saw Brad Paisley’s new video for “Last Time For Everything”, I KNEW I had to share it with y’all. This thing is a love letter to children of the 80s, complete with tracking/tape distortion lines. I don’t wanna spoil anything, so just check it out. Don’t worry – the song’s not about drankin’, or a dead dog, or his wife left him; it’s just a song about appreciating things when you have them because they won’t always be there.

The backdoor pilot for the Black-ish spinoff aired this week. Oh, you don’t know what a “backdoor pilot” is? It’s when an established show gives up one of its episodes to try to launch a new show. Since it already has a built-in audience, it kinda tricks viewers into watching a new show that they otherwise wouldn’t have checked out. Married…with Children had, like, 4 of them. Anyway, in Black-ish, Zoey went off to check out college, made a new best friend, and pissed off the Black Student Union. The whole episode was kinda hokey, but it worked. Chris Parnell was the spineless dean, which is basically every Chris Parnell character these days. And I love how they worked Deon Cole’s Charlie into the plot. If the spinoff gets picked up (I mean, why wouldn’t it?), I hope he gets a bigger role there than he has on Black-ish. If Black-ish is a modern-day Cosby Show, then this is its A Different World. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that, really.

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If you like useless gimmick items as much as I do, then make sure you pick up your Frork from McDonalds today. To celebrate the release of their three new Signature Crafted Recipes (Pico Guacamole, Sweet BBQ Bacon, and Maple Bacon Dijon), they’re releasing a utensil that they know nobody needs, but hey, why not? The Frork is basically a fry holder, where the fries act as the tines of the fork. In the infomercial, complete with Anthony Sullivan appearance, they claim the Frork will help you scoop up the toppings that fall off your overflowing sandwich. I swear Anthony Sullivan killed Billy Mays ‘so he’d get ALL that sweet infomercial work. But I digress…If you would like a Frork, check this link to see if one of your local McDonalds locations is giving them out today.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

HBO has hired writers for FOUR potential Game of Thrones spinoffs. So, get ready for Match of Chairs, Bout of Seats, Mother of Dragons and, my personal favorite, Tits & Swords.

Warner Bros has pushed back its theatrical animated Scooby-Doo film two years to 2020.

Girl Meets World is officially dead, as creator Michael Jacobs was unable to find a new home for the series.

While this news is about a month old, FXX has decided against a fourth season of Man Seeking Woman, which wrapped up its 3rd season in March. The season finale was a fitting series finale, so I ain’t mad.

Hot on the heels of its premiere, Hulu has renewed The Handmaid’s Tale for a second season.

Surprising no one, Fox canceled the freshman drama Pitch, about the first female major league baseball player. Following on their heels, NBC canceled the Wizard of Oz update Emerald City.

It was reported that Gabriel Luna’s Ghost Rider will be returning to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for the season finale

Speaking of Marvel TV, we got our first cast picture from Inhumans. KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

We also got our first look at the cast of Marvel’s Runaways on Hulu. They look like the comic, but I still hate that they aged Molly. I like her more as a precocious child to balance them out.

A strike by the Writers Guild of America, which would’ve affected all corners of entertainment, was narrowly averted at the 11th hour

Morning Joe hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski revealed that they’re engaged. Man, they shit in the company ink! That’s the saying, right?

The biggest TV news of the week was that Ryan Seacrest was announced as Kelly Ripa’s permanent cohost on what will now be called Live with Kelly & Ryan. This bothered me so much! First of all, I was really kinda hoping an underdog, like Fred Savage, would get it. And if they had to go with a media person, they had Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen on the list. But Seacrest?! The dude’s empire is based in LA and, yes, he has an empire. He’s a modern-day Merv Griffin, producing Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Shades of Blue, and Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest. He also has a daily syndicated radio show, On Air With Ryan Seacrest, as well as hosts the weekly American Top 40 countdown. With all that going on, you’d think he’d stay in LA instead of taking a job from a New Yorker. Instead, iHeartMedia has built a radio station in the ABC Studios building so that he can do his radio show immediately after taping Live. The plan is for him to stay in New York Monday-Thursday to film Live, he’ll pretape Friday’s show on Thursday, and then he’ll spend Friday-Sunday in LA.

But that’s not ALL the Seacrest news this week. You see, talks of an American Idol revival have heated up again. I wrote about it a few weeks ago, when NBC and Fox were both interested in the show – NBC especially because they could, then, reduce The Voice to one cycle a year. Those talks fell through, but now it appears that ABC has gotten into the game, with one stipulation: there’s no Idol without Seacrest, so the show would have to move to New York so he could continue to host. The show’s production company, Fremantle, insists that it stays in LA. ABC wants to announce it during the May upfronts, which occur in two weeks, for a Fall 2018 premiere (yeah, it ain’t gonna be ready by this Fall). So here’s the plan on how that would work: Fremantle wants to air Idol on Sunday nights from LA, where Seacrest would then fly to NYC after the show in order to make it in time to film Live Monday morning. After filming Monday’s Live, he would then fly back to LA for the Idol results show. Once that’s over, he would fly back to NYC in time for Tuesday’s Live. My God! The live portion of Idol is only 10 weeks, but that is a grueling schedule that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. So far, however, it seems that ABC’s plan would be to air Idol on Mondays, to go head to head with The Voice, so this plan wouldn’t work.

Say what you will about Seacrest, but I’ve always admired the dude’s work ethic. He doesn’t seem to know the word “no”, and he’s constantly building his brand. With the exception of the short-lived On Air With Ryan Seacrest TV show (which is conveniently missing from his Wikipedia entry), he doesn’t really fail at anything. I guess hard work and determination really can take you places. I’ll tell ya, back when he was hosting Click and Gladiators 2000, I had NO CLUE he would become as big as he is. He makes me wanna go out and get 3 more jobs. Then again, I wouldn’t have his net worth of $330 million, but it’d be a start. Anyway, for taking all the jobs, while growing in power, Ryan Seacrest had the West Week Ever.

#80s #Comics #Country #Marvel #Music #Television #West Week Ever

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phemon · 7 years

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Solatorobo Review (and news!)

Okay, little update today. I just recently finished Solatorobo: Red the Hunter, a completely unknown DS game that was a spiritual sequel of a completely unknown PS1 game called Tail Concerto. And it was amazing. I’m gonna do an impromptu review thingy here, so saddle up!

First off, the combat is very unique. You find holes in the enemies defenses and literally pick them up and throw them. There are little minigames in the game that use different controls, but that’s the combat you use most of the time. It feels almost second-nature and absurdly easy to master. My only gripe is that it is terribly easy to zero-to-death certain bosses/enemies if you get them into a corner, because you can just pick up and throw them ad infinitum as long as you get the timing down. But most bosses and enemies are unique and their weak points are few and far between so you won’t be instakilling many enemies.

Customization of your loadout is probably the best I’ve ever seen in a game. You install chips into a board on your mech (oh yeah, you’re piloting a mech btw) and different colored chips have different effects. Some increase your damage, some defense, some mobility, and some lifting power (ease to pick up enemies). There are also different shaped chips, more complicated ones have more power and impact on your stats, but are much more awkward to fit in. This leads to a hilariously frustrating scenario where you just bought an absurdly good chip but you have to completely reroute your chipboard in order to fit what you want. You collect crystals in hidden areas throughout the game that allow you to unlock more of your chipboard, in turn allowing for more chips to be installed. It allows the collecting of more complex chips and fitting said chips to progress naturally throughout the game. I’ve beaten the main story and still have 1/4 of my chipboard to unlock.

The environment is fantastic. Set in a world where floating islands are everywhere and everyone travels from island to island via airships. You also get an upgrade to your mech that allows for brief flights to explore tiny island clusters in special maps. Each town and area are unique and memorable, even if the names are a little hard to remember. The flora and fauna (as well as the cities) are beautifully atmospheric, and honestly really well designed for a 3d DS game.

Now, this I can’t say for many games, but the characters you meet in the game are top notch. Every single named character you meet is unique with their own quirks and the interactions between them and the main character are always a joy. It’s a universe where anthropomorphic dogs and cats are the two species you meet, so A+ for furries! Only kidding! (mostly) And for you waifu hunters, there are many lovelies that’ll tickle your fancy here! (I have 3 of my own, I’ll have you know!) Many of the named cast have quests for you to complete each with a little story of their own.

Now the Main Story. While I can say one of many things about the story, how it’s amazing, compelling to a T, slowly enriches the world as it unfolds, including twists, I have one major gripe that almost killed it. The main character you play. He’s one of those oh so insufferable “Mary-Sues” that keep popping up. Not as extreme as I’ve seen, but definitely up there. You know the usual drill: Unique, strange name, cloudy backstory, plot always hinges on him, “You’re the only one that can beat him”, typical protagonist duties. The story’s kinda predictable too, but it has it’s twists.

But the supporting cast. My GOD, the supporting cast throws all my petty niggles about the main character out the window. I LOVE each and every side character that gets introduced. They are all colorful and varied, even most of the bad guys!

I’m going to venture into spoiler territory, so I’ll leave it under the cut. The main reason I’m explaining all this is after the break (and the italicized spoilers), for those who want to know what I’m yabbering on about!

The “boy” you meet early on and get a contract with, Elh, is secretly a girl. She’s the star in my eyes of the game and plays a very important role. She’s also (MAJOR spoiler warning) immortal, but that gets resolved once the 2nd story (yes, there are two) finishes. How so? You’ll have to find that out yourself! Her interactions between her and the main character are a joy, and I instantly started shipping them together the moment I found out that Elh’s a girl. There isn’t much fanart of them together, and here’s the reason I wrote this review!

So, Phemon, why are you telling us all this? Why a huge wall of text that isn’t fanfics? GET ON WITH IT.

Well, I’m doing this all to announce I’ll be writing fanfics on this game series! I feel it would be strange to start publishing fanfics of something else when I’ve literally only been writing Undertale on this blog, so I’ve done this. Little warning, most of my fanfics of this game will concern a certain shipping I’ve divulged in the spoilers, so if you do read my fanfics, you will encounter spoilers of the game. Including end-game spoilers. BUT. The fanfics will not be tailored to just Solatorobo. Even if it will have it’s references, the characters are universal enough that people unfamiliar with the series will enjoy it.

tl;dr, I will be creating fanfics from the game I just reviewed. It is amazing and anyone with the means to get it or an emulator should definitely try it.

For those assholes that like to blacklist anything they hate, just blacklist “solatorobo” and nothing of this topic will ever appear.

With all that being said, let me know what you think about this! Have you played Solatorobo? What are your thoughts of me branching off from Undertale? Are you pissed that I’m not producing as much? Let me know!

#update #review #solatorobo #tail concerto

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disparais · 7 years

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above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim

eventful first week back at college. trying not to list anything in exceedingly great detail like i was previously wont to do, so-

monday:

first day of school! skipped last lecture to go kayaking with l, h and a. we didn’t end up doing much kayaking + just talked a lot, but being around people i’m genuinely comfortable with was so relaxing it was liberating.

quite proud of myself for having the willpower to stay up and craft l a decent card. i’d feel bad calligraphing her something because it smacks of no effort.

tuesday:

a came in the day to crash a lecture, and she loved the penyet wuhu.

highlight of the day: cf. well, more specifically, running into s at hv (where she proceeded to spectacularly embarrass me by yelling my name across the street), running into s and c at daily scoop, having to sit beside them because the place was ridiculously crowded, and the ensuing invigorating conversation on the panopticon + gender + capitalism + predestination + moral subjectivism with p, s and c.

(nearly burst out laughing when p told j “give me 10 minutes” HAHA)

wednesday:

skipped my first lecture of the year (abnormal bleeding) for an emergency fc meeting.

got stressed af at night when jp arrived at my suite because i hadn’t responded to a’s texts (hey i’d really been busy with ifg training and all). i hate having my personal space invaded by people i’m not close to (i.e. if i didn’t invite you in, you shouldn’t be here) and i was especially rankled by the fact that jp himself was clearly colossally stressed (and i uncharacteristically mirrored him). he’d spent the week speaking in this annoying as fuck hushed tone which made him supremely hard to hear, and he oscillated between sounding exasperated and exhausted which made things difficult because i was torn between frustration (with him, and with the situation) and sympathy/guilt (because he really did have a lot on his plate and the stress, while poorly-managed, was understandable).

i’m ashamed to admit i got snappish and chased g away (as nicely as i was able to, under the circumstances) to protect her from my immediate ire. i wish i’d had better control over my emotions - i seldom melt down this severely under stress, but the pressure that day was somehow overwhelming and her attentions made me feel suffocated and distracted (i mostly needed her to go away so that i could focus on my work). felt so bad thinking these thoughts because she’s so genuine and sweet and sincere and deserved better than what she got from me that night.

g whipped out her strawberry paper and wrote me a card + got kt to write as well. so grateful for them both.

thursday:

lunched with l at bv - my paleo buddy hehe. g gave us some strange butterfly pea-blue cake from chalk farm (sobs mad throwback to london).

fc, d-day.

was mildly triggered when g texted me about it raining because i was in lectures and i’d honestly have preferred it if she hadn’t, but i’m also frankly amazed that i was on her mind and that she was filled with dismay on my behalf - that is moving, and so very selfless.

was bitter and angry about the rain at first, but the bitterness quickly gave way to a sincere desire to understand His will for me.

i was no closer to finding answers/peace by the time the event came round, but i soldiered through with the wet-weather plan i’d firmed up the night before (grateful that jp convinced me to bother with a matrix). was livid with m and jp though, because they failed to keep their promise about letting me call the shots re wet/dry weather, but when it came to the crunch, they opposed me. foolish optimists.

closing ceremony was beyond excellent. electric atmosphere, heard the event heads cried and DO loved it...ahh so fulfilled. and l came! l told me about how the rain’d prevented her from exploring lab park and how all her friends just so happened to be unavailable, resulting in her hanging out with her last resort - her sister. i was so touched by her story, and was more than a little grateful (both towards her and God) for having a reason to be joyful even given the circumstances.

came back completely wiped (my parents gave jp and m a lift back to utown at midnight), and shared my day with g and kt. (took a lotta courage to invite kt, because g and i both agree kt seems to be feelin’ the suite thing less and less these days) was frankly surprised kt acquiesced. i miss how easy things were between the 3 of us last sem; y1s2 feels like an eternity ago now, and kt feels so much more distant all of a sudden.

anyway, things were almost strained, which was beyond heartbreaking - i tried drawing her in/engaging her, but she didn’t really want to take the bait, and eventually she left midway through the conversation. it’s hard to believe there isn’t something inherently broken within me, socially, whenever things like these happen (okay, the rational part of me knows that this is my full-blown shame trigger, but still. i’ll keep this thought here, because it’s frightening that it even crossed my mind.) (it’s not like she offered a “i gotta sleep soon, sorry” or anything. and i think i saw her light on? even close to 3.). i felt really bad because i think the topic of conversation was too moralistic and religiously-tinted, which made it by nature exclusive.

i don’t know how to achieve the same kind of balance that suitefam had last semester. right now, things have just been distilled into me + g. but then again there was the card that came just last night. idk what’s up la sigh don’t overthink this girl this is just gonna go the cupcake route.

got mad abdominal colic after that (can’t tell it if it was a drawn-out sympathetic response to the social anxiety) and excused myself for a while before returning to a half-asleep g. /end convo

friday:

s ahhh i can’t help but admit i feel like he gets me better than j does these days and that makes me so so sad + filled with helplessness

he’s so demanding and i always somehow find it in myself to indulge it sometimes; i can’t believe myself. i always did have a thing for 霸道 people and indulging their whims though - and j used to bother, i think. maybe he still does. i hope he still does - i love him first and foremost, and i really hope he understands where i’m coming from (more on that later).

logically this isn’t going anywhere, s isn’t able to do this and i’m still hoping against hope that j+i can work out somehow, but there’s a tiny traitorous portion of my heart that’s like nope i don’t think so. a much larger portion of my heart is like yas this is the elder brother i never had ;___; the thing i have with s is super precious and all la i really hope we last long friendship-wise haha

anyway. s walked me to nuh the staff way - it was super cool haha and i totally noticed he walked me far further than he originally said he would. was xiao touched la all the words of affirmation and encouragement and sdgl;kgetnrv that day he really read me shockingly well (i guess i trust him to the extent that i don’t throw up (m)any barriers - my occlumency is pretty legit ok) and bolstered my confidence + determination a whole lot.

arrived at nuh only to discover j talking to b and nearly chickened out of telling him a single thing but thankfully b wised up and left. (b is with sb omg) was lowkey annoyed by j settling cgl stuff during dinner (though at least he apologized, not that that makes it acceptable), and was extremely miffed by him cutting me off mid-sentence to deal with more things on his phone. really?

s told me to get up and walk away HAHA but i’d never had a flair for the dramatic, and i certainly wasn’t about to start then.

walked all the way to acjc + ticket saga which mercifully got resolved. he wanted to study gs for the extra hour we had before the concert began and that was when something inside me snapped - seriously, we hardly get to meet and you want to use our one precious hour of free time to study?

/c i’m too tired to go into my discussion with j now (i grade his performance at a solid B- though. and s gave me my first A of medsku wuhu)

came back and called s (see he’s like my de facto bf. ok just kidding he’s a very good friend who is somehow very invested in making sure my relationship works since it involves his near&dear sorta-childhood friend + his “counsellee”) for like 1.5h (mostly post-mortem-ing the discussion) + suppered with j and j.

saturday:

overslept so i didn’t go for commserv in the end haha.

party at js’ house-

i think s was oblivious re the contact (!! wholly initiated by him) but he broke that barrier like 10 times or something haha. as someone who’s fairly sensitive to touch i was kinda shocked but it was nice - touch is the most reserved and special of love languages for me with exceptional close friends/+ and s somehow qualifies. (but of course it would be Inappropriate of me to initiate HAHA)

also s is fucking fantastic at floating. literally the best i have ever played against, m included. don’t think anyone can top m as my best contract partner, though.

+ s told me something and ahh let’s just say i’m certain we won’t get entangled in the near future so it’s all fine for now; my conscience is clear.

also qx --> s. he literally hates me lmao s noted how he actively avoided talking to me at all costs. rip. and c is a parrot

so yeah, as i said, eventful week. week 2 hmu!!! ok 3.17am i really need to sleep because 9am haem tutorial tomorrow (today) sigh. s is coming over for dinner + berries and that’s all i have to be excited about apart from breakfast with g s i g h long day ahead go sleep you silly creature you

#ramble #updates

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