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icanseethefuture333 · 1 year

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PAC: What makes you so sweet + who's sweet on you? 🍓🍰♥️

This spread was inspired by Strawberry shortcake :D! A childhood favorite of mine. You are allowed to choose one or more pile for each question! Use your intuition to decide 🥰 Please leave a tip if you can $$$

Pile 1:

Your songs -

I Don't Wanna by Aaliyah

Konclusions by YG & Kehlani

Crushcrushcrush by Coco & Clair Clair

Your dessert -

Pumpkin spice latte 🎃

What makes you so sweet?:

The Empress, Three of Pentacles (reversed), & Six of Pentacles

You are so loving and caring pile 1! 🥰 people could think that you have a "big heart" and wish they could give back all that you do for them. You could have venusian qualities or Libra/Taurus placements. You are a very selfless person and for that in exchange you just really desire friendship and loyalty! Your love language could be acts of service or gifts. You could also be very physically attractive 🤭 but you may not realize this??? You could be more self conscious about how you look and possibly put others on a pedestal for their appearance. You might question if you're actually pretty at times because people might not compliment you much but it's just really because you make them shy 🥺! In private, others could consider you their muse. People could like to draw you or write songs about you. It's giving girl next door energy. The way that you dress could be modest too. You could like to wear long sleeve shirts, sweaters, cardigans, flowy dresses, etc. Fall/autumn could be your favorite time of the year because it fits your taste in style! People could think that you give off a very warm and cozy aura. So comforting 💞

Who's sweet on you?:

Page of Swords, Ten of Swords, & Two of Swords

Lmao poor pile 1 😭 I feel bad so your secret admirer is someone who's ghosted you recently or who you just lost contact with. This person has attachment issues (avoidant I'm feeling?) Whenever they get close to love or start developing feelings for someone, they run away. They could be younger than you or they're just inexperienced when it comes to relationships. This person feels regret for ghosting you and wishes they could just reach out. They wish to tell you how they feel romantically but everytime they try to type out a text or get close to calling you, they chicken out. This person will eventually have to make a decision on if they should contact you or not but they're kind of stubborn 💀 good luck!

Pile 2:

Your songs -

Daisy 2.0 by Ashnikko & Miku Hatsune

Black eye by Vernon

Little Bit by Drake & Lykke Li

Your dessert -

Dark chocolate 🍫

What makes you so sweet?

The Devil (reversed), Ace of Cups, & The moon

Pile 2, you could be alternative??? Or just have a very intimidating/non-conventional beauty. Your style or overall appearance could be unique and that makes people weary to come near you. You possibly have a resting bitch face or you have "hunter eyes" (feline, snake, etc). Your features could go against European beauty standards as well. Contrary to what people think, you are actually so compassionate and sensitive. You could be secretly a hopeless romantic and be into romance novels, films, etc. I'm getting that you like to read or are into reading mangas. You could also like to watch anime or do cosplaying. Your geekiness is adorable 🤓! People like to hear about your interests and want to get to know you more if you feel comfortable. I see that you could have wounds from the past or currently are dealing with depression :( I'm sorry to hear that ❤️‍🩹! Just know that you aren't alone and you have people who care about you (including me!) Your guides want to tell you that you don't have to be so secretive dear. I'm getting that you possibly might have been bullied growing up? And they want you to understand that not everyone is going hurt you. People could think that you are beautiful in the nighttime or your beauty reminds them of the moon. Your skin could be luminescent and glowy when the light hits or your irises are big or have a unique color. You could possibly have Capricorn or Cancer placements. When you allow people to get close to you and gain trust, they appreciate it so much! Your talents, hobbies, and skills is what makes you so special 🥰 This could be only for a few people but some people here are musicians or should learn to play an instrument.

Who's sweet on you?

King of Cups, The Lovers, & Queen of Swords

This is good news for your love life :D! This person wants to come in with a offer and ask you either to be their partner or go out on a date. They are willing to court you and show how much you mean to them. You and this person could be very different than most couples. I'm getting that you guys could be a interracial couple, same sex couple, or just express yourselves differently when it comes to styles, aesthetics, and love languages. Don't be afraid to let this person in pile 2! They seem to really care for you and I can see once you fall in love with them, you're never gonna want to let them go ❤ What's cute about your dynamic is that this person is affectionate and outgoing while you're the more protective and reserved one LOL. I guess opposites do attract.

Pile 3:

Your songs -

While We're Young by Jhené Aiko

Child's Play by SZA & Chance The Rapper

Come by Doja Cat

Your dessert -

Lemon meringue pie 🥧

What makes you so sweet?

The Fool, Three of Wands, & Four of Wands

I feel like my pile 3 people are good singers 😳 if not, their voices are very soft and melodic 🤭 You love to listen to music a lot, for some of you I'm seeing that you like to listen to indie music or r&b. You're a very mellow person and radiate this down to earth energy. There is a lot of yellow on these cards as well so you could be connected to your solar plexus or that could be your favorite color/it suits your skintone. I'm seeing sunflowers 🌻 some of you might worship Oshun or should start doing research on her. You could be spiritual or religious. You have a carefree attitude because you know that the universe got you - period! You could be very knowledgeable on manifestation as well. People wonder what's your secret to life because you seem so lucky. I heard people even want to "rub you for good luck" 👀😂 you could like to dress in a bohemian or hippie style. You could wear like vegan leather backpacks, sandals, beads, feathers, rompers, and also dye your hair unnatural colors like blue, pink, etc. People could like that you're well traveled as well or you're knowledgeable about others cultures. You could speak more than one language. They like to hear about your travels or want to hear about your stories. I'm getting Leo, Sagittarius, or Virgo placements. You make friends where ever you go and it's very easy to talk to you 🌞! You radiate such a positive and divine energy. I just love that!

Who's sweet on you?:

The Emperor, Page of Wands, & King of Pentacles

This person could be older than you. They can be athletic but also act childish. They might have Aries traits or they have have it in their birth chart. They are creative, hard working, and . They take on traditional masculine qualities and would want to be a provider for their family. You could depend on this person and build able to form a secure and stable relationship. This could also signify that you and this person could get married in the future! Expect good news when it comes to your romantic endeavors.

Pile 4:

Your songs -

Favorite by HUNJIYA

Little Little by Red Velvet

Hymn For The Weekend by Coldplay Ft. Beyoncé

Your dessert -

Angel food cake 🎂

What makes you so sweet?

The Star, Strength, & Knight of Cups

Pile 4, you're giving me very much earth angel or starseed vibes 🌈🕊 something about you is very ethereal and angelic to people. They admire your elegance and healing energy. You could look good in the color white or pastel colors. You could have a nice physique as well 😋! Your hair could be very long with waves or curls. Some people fantasize about you naked because of how naturally beautiful you are 😅 It exudes something in them and your sex appeal is very arousing. I'm getting that you could also be nurturing and motherly, very wise. You could have Aquarius, Leo, or Pisces placements. People like your awareness on things and your acceptance of how people are instead of trying to change them. You could be very observant as well. You notice the little things in life and pay attention to the fine details that other don't. You have a keen eye for art or fashion. You could care for the environment and have a connection to animals or babies 🦋 You just embody a lot of divine feminine qualities and that makes people feel welcome and at ease around you.

Who's sweet on you?

Ace of Wands, Queen of Pentacles, & Nine of Pentacles

For you pile 4, I see that you're actually sweet on yourself (period self love)! I feel like as for right now in your love life, you're not looking for a commitment or should be focusing on committing to yourself and your goals. You could be coming out of a relationship or have been single for quite some time - no worries! I'm seeing finacial abundance coming to your life and your personal endeavors. I see that you're mostly gonna keep your options open for now and see different people. I'm seeing a lot of good sex as well ❤️‍🔥 There's gonna be fun dates and partying happening in your life. (Clarified by Justice) this could be for a few but some of you might hear or will start dating a Libra. I'm not seeing anything too serious but I'm getting that they could help you further your career. They could be a sugar daddy/mommy, you know them from work (boss, supervisor, or coworker), or they could work as a counselor, legal advisor, lawyer, etc.

Pile 5:

Your songs -

20/20 by Lil Tjay

On My Own by Darci

Into It by Chase Atlantic

Your dessert -

Red wine truffle 🍷

What makes you so sweet?

Nine of Cups, The World, & Temperance

Your self assurance, patience, and drive for success is what makes you so sweet pile 5! I'm getting badass energy from you and you have a very nonchalant, idgaf, rebellious attitude. I feel that growing up those in authority underestimated you and you managed to prove or will prove them all wrong with your achievements. You could have trophies, good grades, or receive a lot of praise for your work at school or your job. You could possibly be an athlete or participated in some sort of competition (dancing, mathlete, etc). You're beauty and brains, pile 5, the total package! You could have Scorpio, Gemini, or Aries placements. People wonder how you did it or overcome such hardships. You're someone people can look up to. You motivate them and make them want to do better. You could be the older sibling in your family or could have cousins younger than you? I'm having a vision of little kids looking at you and they're just in awe, how cute 🥹! Your independence and self confidence is so admirable.

Who's sweet on you?

Four of Swords, Knight of Wands, & Eight of Wands

Pile 5, when it comes to romance it could make you nervous or give you anxiety. You may not have time for it or whenever you go out on dates you overthink about it. There's no need to be nervous! Just be yourself sweetheart 💕 I feel that you know this person as well or already currently seeing someone. They could be on your team or they are in some sort of team (at work, in sports, etc). They like to move things pretty fast. You both could hate the talking stage and just wish to skip to the part where the both of you are best friends in love! I'm getting like coming of age love story and it's adorable ☺️ This person could like your hair or compliments you a lot on your hair. They could like your tattoos or piercings. There is going to be a lot of passion early on in the relationship and they will be very infatuated by you. Just be careful not to rush into thing if you want more of a serious relationship! If not, I feel that this would be a fun fling.

Pile 6:

Your songs -

Jasmine by DPR Live

I Wanna Be Down by Brandy

Who Can I Run To by Xscape

Your dessert -

Galaxy raindrop cake 💧

What makes you sweet?:

Ace of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles, & Wheel of Fortune

Pile 6, I see that you're someone who's very generous with their wealth. Very similar to pile 1, you could be good with your finances, and have a lot of high quality material items. You're someone who takes value in the finer things and show gratitude for everything you have because there are those who are without. Whenever someone is struggling or is in need of help, you're always there! You're someone people can count in terms of an emergency. When people get asked about you they have fond memories of how much you been there for them (shit even me, I need more friends like you pile 6 😭). You're a down ass bitch! I feel that fortune is always on your side because of how selfless you are. Like pile 3, I feel that you could also know about manifestation, and use it to improve your life. You could do this without knowing. You could visualize yourself being rich or you affirm that you're lucky when it comes to money. I heard that your parents are very proud of you as well! You could really have an old soul pile 6. Your style could be more casual or reminiscent of the 80s/90s. I'm seeing mom jeans, crop tops, high top sneakers, jelly bracelets, henna tattoo chokers, gold chain, and mini hoop earrings.

Who's sweet on you?:

Six of Swords, The World, & Ace of Cups

Aw pile 6, so I see that a lot of people can depend on you but you don't have many people that you can turn to when you need help or need to take a load off 🥺 you could feel stressed because of this but don't worry someone will be coming in your love life soon! You could meet them overseas or while traveling. I'm getting military vibes so either you or this person will be in the military, if not the job requires traveling or dealing with foreign people/places. You and this person will have a harmonious relationship. So expect a new chapter and a good change in your love life!

Pile 7:

Your songs -

Generous by Doja Cat

No Silhouette by DPR Ian

Brooklyn Baby by Lana Del Rey

Your dessert:

Cannoli 🥖

What makes you sweet?:

Pile 7, your style is reminding me of mirror palais, summers in spain/Italy/mexico, or "bible study" outfits. Your style could cater to your religious beliefs or it's reminiscent of a holy figure. I feel that you could also dress very preppy. I'm seeing crosses, rosaries, cloaks, scarves, concho belts, a necklace with some sort of significant pendant (crystals, cross, buddha, etc), slippers/flats, stockings, long skirts, headbands, and button up tops. You have a very innocent and holy appearance. Some of you could be very sophisticated as well (its giving "my name is Bella Hadid"). People could think you're so pure that they're afraid of tainting you (in a nsfw way 😭). You make people blush because of how attractive you are. You could have a babyface, look younger than your actual age, or you have a youthful personality. People consider you "God's favorite" because of how perfect you seem or think God took their time with making you. You could be into modeling or you look like a model. Your lips could be nice and plump. They have a alluring shape with a vibrant color (they could be cherry red or they have a nice pink in the center of them if your lips are two toned). I am reminded of Monica Belluci in the role Milena where she had ginger hair and all the men were so seduced by her without her even trying (the scene where they were lighting her cigarette) and Salma Hayek in Desperado (where she caused people to crash their cars because of how hot she was 😂). You exude this femme fatale energy and could be becoming more "grown woman/man/person fine". This could also mean if you're underage, you could have major glow up after you're finished with puberty. You could also pray or be very devoted to your faith and people find that admirable.

Who's sweet on you?:

Five of Cups, The High Priestess, & Knight of Pentacles

You've been disappointed a lot in when it comes to your love life. You feel as though no one can satisfy you. You could have had your heart broken in a previous relationship so therefore you decided to stay single. I do feel that someone wants to come in though to show their love for you and will back up their words with action taking. They could be intimidated by you but they won't let their self esteem get in the way. They're gonna be persistent until you give in. Although pile 7, I suggest you heal wounds from your past relationship as well, it could cause you to self sabotage in your dating life, and prevent you from ever moving on. You deserve to be loved and receiving the pleasures of being in a happy relationship. So make sure to give them a chance when they come along.

Pile 8:

Your songs -

Headlines by McClenney

10% by Kaytranada & Kali Uchis

Jungle by Drake

Your dessert -

Creme Brulé 🍮

What makes you so sweet?:

Five of Pentacles, Justice, & Ace of Swords

Wow pile 8, you are someone who is fair and fights for equality. You hate to see people being kicked down and mistreated so you would do anything in your power to make sure others are safe. You're honestly a hero. For some people in this pile, you guys could have been abandoned by your parents, or was a orphan so because of this would you do your best to make sure that doesn't happen to anyone around you. You could do community service or take time out of your day to do activities with the kids that come from low income families. That's so sweet and I'm sorry that you went through that 🥺. If not, you have had really greedy people in your life. Whether it's a family member or authority in the workplace, they take from you a lot. Whether financially or emotionally. You could use your knowledge from these past situations for activism or fighting legal battles. You could work as a social worker, activist, politics, human relations, or in the legal system. Also people appreciate you for your great advice! You are very logical but at the same time optimistic. You know how to balance your brain and your heart, which not many people can do. You are a very strong person, pile 8.

Who's sweet on you?:

Ten of Wands, The Chariot, & King of Cups

You and this person could have broken up? I feel that this an ex who is wanting a second chance with you or a friend of yours who wants to be more than friends. You could have rejected them and they feel burdened by this because they still have feelings for you. It made them retreat and hide but they are not going to give up on this connection. You could have broken up with them because or their lack of vulnerability. They could have been uncomfortable with talking about their feelings or avoided having serious conversations, it triggers them. They are going to come back with a open heart to tell you how much you mean to them. For some people in this pile, this person might even propose to you 😲 if not a proposal for marriage, they could just ask you again to be their partner.

Pile 9:

Your songs -

Don't Hurt Me by DJ Mustard, Nicki Minaj, & Jeremih

Come Into You by Jimmy Brown

I Like U by Niki

Your dessert -

Gingersnap cookies 🍪

What makes you so sweet?:

Six of Cups, Page of Pentacles, & Seven of Cups

Pile 9, you are so cute😆! I feel like out of all the piles you are the youngest either in age or maturity. You could be someone thats very bubbly, clumsy, and full of energy. You have a childlike charm and your expressions are very sweet. I'm getting like how when little kids ask a question and they tilt their head while they do it. You just have this innocence to you but I also feel that you can be very mischievous. You could like to tease your peers and people find it very funny 😂. You could be very smart as well and do/did well in school! I'm getting that you're a teacher's pet and you always get good grades. You could give your teacher a hard time sometimes too (some of you could have talked too much in class and that would stress your teacher out LOL 😭). This pile honestly has me cracking up. You could also have a very big imagination. You could daydream a lot or fantasize about things a lot. People often wonder what you're thinking about when you do that. You could also have a lot of goals or are very creative. This pile gives off main character energy. It reminds me of Devi from Never Have I Ever or Jess from New Girl.

Who's sweet on you?:

Four of Wands, The Lovers, & Ten of Pentacles

I see that there's two cases for this pile. On one side you guys have a crush on someone or the other side they have someone who has a crush on them but despite that I'm seeing that the feelings are mutual for both parties! You know this person already and could be in the talking stage. I'm getting like a light, fun, flirty, playful energy between you and this person. You guys might have even already go on out on a date or will make plans to go out on a date soon. Which is so cute because as things develop and get more serious you both will realize that you're in love with each other 🤭. I'm having a vision of a couple blushing and being nervous to make eye contact 😭💓. This is going to be a long term relationship for sure and your families will be happy to see you guys together. I'm seeing like your families getting together for the holidays or coming together for dinner. For my younger kids in pile 9, this could mean your parents will allow you to date them, and when they introduce you to their parents, they will approve of the relationship so yay! 🥰

Thanks so much for reading! Have a nice day, here's a little treat 🍭🧁🍨🍬🍡🍦🧋🍧🍩

#pac #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot readings #tarot deck #tarot #tarot cards #shufflemancy #free readings #pendulum reading #astrology #astro observations #astrology observations #witchcraft #wicca #kpop #witches of color #black tarot readers

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fantasticnerdluminary · 2 years

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Why are you so HOT to others?

𝓕𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓾𝓷, 𝓼𝓮𝓽 𝓲𝓽 𝓸𝓷 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓮

Hey! I hope you all are doing great. I am sending so many hugs, kisses and love, to you my dear. So, let's go and see what's there.

✓ The pictures used in the reading belongs to their respectful owner and are taken from web.

✓ Don't forget to leave a feedback and let me know which pile did you choose. Your likes, reblogs, replies will be appreciated <3

¶How to pick a pile : If you have difficulty choosing a pile. Then take a breath and close your eyes. After opening your eyes, the picture you see first is your pile. Don't doubt your gut/intuition. Trust your intuition.

¶Disclaimer ⚠️ : This is a general reading. So, take what resonates and leave behind the rest. Some messages may not resonate with you. This reading is for entertainment purposes. Don't make decisions depending on this reading. You are the only one who creates your own reality.

ᴘɪʟᴇs -> 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Group 1

You are admired by many people because no matter how much you are falling, how deep you hit the rock bottom you come back with so much power. You glow like burning sun. You may not open up easily to others. You look so mysterious to others. Everybody want to know about you and everything about you but you intimidate others. Your cold resting bitch face looks so sexy on you. It's like you would just attack anyone who would do wrong to you but the truth is you don't want to hurt others. You are so soft and people that are closer to you know this.

They sometimes think how can someone be so tough on outside but so soft and caring on outside. You are so attractive and likable to others. You are like the airport crush, whoever sees you instantly fall in love with you. You are so strong enough though if anyone walks all over you (you don't allow it I know) you would be ready to grow up much more. You are like "You did this to me, Ok, now just wait and watch what I'll do to you." You are so cool damn, Can I get your number?!?! Please 🥺

You maybe young but you are much mature than other person of your age. You may like to dress up like an emo girl/boy or tomboy/tomgirl maybe. It looks so good on you. Your fashion sense is on other level. You can't tolerate injustice. You are the friend who would stand up for them no matter them. You take care of your body and health. You are like home to others. They feel safe around you. You may be falling deeper and deeper but you still seem confident and sexy as f*ck ever. You inspire so many people. You may have big brown eyes. Your hair is so nice maybe they are thick and brown in colour. You should know your existence what they envy :")

Group 11

You may attract many people around you whether it maybe of same gender or opposite gender and you don't realise this. You may have some body positivity issue, you may have a little bit hard time accepting your body as it is but let me tell you something what you are afraid of is the most lovely thing you'll ever have. People love your appearance (your big heart too) because it makes you, you. You may love kids and animals. You somehow look innocent and cute. You may dress sexy but still you end up looking cute, don't be mad at me I can't help it but you are really really cute.

Your smile is something is to die for. You may be a bit shy in front of others and camera too but you are photogenic. You are reserved (that's why I am having a hard time channeling your energy) You want to be loved but you don't know how much love you hold for yourself. You should dive deep into yourself. A whole new world is waiting for you inside you and outside too. Be ready for it. I feel many people are going to choose this group.

You may have evolve very much mentally and physically and your transformation is amazing. Everyone is amazed that this side of you existed within you. You may have become a bit more outgoing and people approach you because you are easygoing and easy to talk to. You hate small talks. Your hair is part of admiration too, you may like to take care of apperance very much. You love your people and that's what makes you special. You are protective of your loved ones. You are like the feeling of butterflies in stomach because you are special to all of them.

Group 111

This group is insane, you are full of talents and intelligence. You may have bullied for this though. I am so sorry if you have to go through something like this. But your energy is like anyone can fall for it. Your manifestation power is on its peak. You think about something and the next moment it's in front of your eyes. You are the mom of your group and everybody loves to listen to you. Your voice is a bit raspy and soothing at the same time, like the ones you listen in asmr.

Not even an insect wants to hurt you. You are really like a glass and no one wants to shatter into pieces but this also attracts some envious people who wants to dim your dazzling light. Dazzling......dazzling is what you are. You are the brightest light who can blind others. You should love yourself more, okay. The best love is self-love and you need to do more of it. You should protect your energy more.

You are really an amazing person, your soul is so pure and innocent. You are a kind person who loves to help other person, the sunshine type of a person. You make other's gloomy day bright. People are lucky to meet you. You may have been judged a lot based on your appearance but it's not true. You know yourself better, the best. You are doing great by just being you, shining your light on others too

❥ Thank you for reading this. That's all I have for you today. If you want to check my other pacs, then click here. Hope you have a great day ahead :)

#pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #kpop #seventeen #tarotblr #witch community #witchblr #self growth #self care #self love

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e-dubbc11 · 2 months

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Beneath the Surface

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: mentions of emotional and physical abuse. Comfort and fluff. Nightmares

Word Count: 1.2K-ish

Summary: You had a nightmare last night, Billy takes you to your favorite place that always calms you and makes you feel better.

A/N: The beach is one of my favorite places, especially the beaches at home. I’m currently on vacation and the beaches here are pretty fantastic too but there’s no place like home. I’ll put a pic of one of my favorite beaches at sunset close to home at the end of this. I hope you like it!

As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

In between the vibrant energy of a hot New England summer and a cold, desolate winter, after the crowds have gone away and they’ve locked up their summer homes for the season, there was a period of time during late summer of unspoiled tranquility.

That was your favorite time of year to be at the beach. Under a canopy of blue with hues of deep pink, red, and orange, the world seemed to stand still as you listened to the gentle lapping of the waves against the wet sand.

The weather was still warm, a little drier, and a bit more comfortable. Over the grassy dunes, the soft sand stretched out in both directions while small flecks of quartz glistened in the sand beneath the early evening sun.

The soothing symphony of waves crashing against the shore continued to pull you deeper and deeper into a trance like state. The sea looked like a rippling blue blanket with all of its twists and turns, the noise echoed off the rocks, resonated in the air and floated into your ears before it disappeared and the relaxing song started to play all over again.

This was the place that always made you feel better.

No matter what time of year it was, this is where you would come to escape him. The serenity of this place cancelled out the pain, the yelling, name calling, and the bad dreams. But now it was a different type of escape, a happy one where there weren’t any tears to stain your cheeks.

Rupturing the tranquility, you heard the screech of a gull overhead; it startled you and caused you to flinch but the hand enclosed over yours, squeezed you tightly.

The soft voice you heard whispered reassuringly that it was ok, and “he can’t hurt you anymore, sweet girl.” His warm body there next to yours, cradling, comforting you and always keeping you out of harm’s way.

The sand sifted in between your toes as you watched the sun dip lower and lower toward the horizon where the sea and sky dissolve into each other.

The rolling waves lightly crashed against the shore bringing large clumps of seaweed with them and the salty sea breeze gently kicked up tiny grains of sand that ended up stuck in the short bristles of his beard.

His endless brown eyes focused on the dark beauty of the hungry sea, a slight smile stretched across his face, and you watched him wiggle his toes in the warm smooth sand.

He relished in the harmony too. He was very content.

Billy wanted to see the ocean you loved so much as a child, where you came to get away from everything, and where nothing bad had ever happened to you.

He had felt so helpless last night because he couldn’t stop the nightmare from happening, watching the tension grip your body, your knuckles white as you tightly clutched the sheet in your hands, and smothered by your own screams.

He would do anything to keep you from having them but still the sobs tore loose, freeing themselves from inside your throat and echoing throughout the bedroom.

Murmuring soft sounds and words to calm you, Billy tried his best to soothe you from your nightmare. He knew what it was like to be vulnerable while asleep, to fight going to sleep because he didn’t know what would be waiting for him when he closed his eyes but he didn’t care about that right now. It wasn’t about him; it was about you which is why he brought you here.

Billy remembered you talking about your favorite beach, how the music of the waves would sing to you and make you feel better any time that monster hurt you, called you “stupid,” or “ugly,” or threaten to tear you so far down that you couldn’t get back up and no other man would want you. “No one will want someone as damaged as you except me.”

There weren’t any tears this time. As long as you had Billy, you would be ok.

The canvas of bright colors across the sky kissed the high points of your face and melted away the remnants of your nightmare. You looked over at Billy, leaned in close and kissed him on the cheek. He turned slowly to face you, a wide Cheshire cat smile stretched across his lips while the familiar scent of his spicy cologne drifted past your nose.

“Thank you, Billy.” You whispered. “For this.”

You brought your gaze toward the dimming blue sky.

“I wish I could do more, sweet girl. I wish I could replace every memory of him with something else but I can’t.” He said with an alarming edge to his voice.

Billy’s handsome features twisted with rage as he clenched his fist.

Your heart swelled at the thought of Billy wanting to take all of your pain away, wanting to make all of your nightmares disappear forever, never to come back.

“It’s ok, baby. This is my favorite place, and you’re my favorite person.” You said. “Look at our view! It’s perfect!” You exclaimed. “I don’t need anything else. I love you.”

He pulled you into his lap, moved a stray piece of hair away from your face, and touched his forehead to yours. The anger in his eyes was suddenly replaced with love and affection before his lips collided with yours.

He tasted like the sea salt in the air, you could feel it in his hair too as your nails gently raked against his scalp. Parting your lips with his tongue, Billy deepened his kiss, pulling you in tight by the waist, his long agile fingers danced up and down your spine, silently telling you that he loved you too.

Every time Billy kissed you, touched you, held your hand, or even just smiled at you, he was replacing bad memories with good ones, mending the pieces of your shattered soul you deemed unfixable.

He dropped all of his responsibilities today to try and make you feel better, bringing you to your favorite place two states away. And he would do it every day if you let him, if you wanted him to.

The sea was forever vast, uncharted and in a way, reminded you a lot of Billy. It was dark, beautiful, and there was so much more beneath the surface if you took time to unearth the possibilities of the unfamiliar.

Both of you were broken in your own way and still navigating the emotional and metaphorical caverns of Davy Jones’ locker, looking for those priceless treasures within each other that you can’t live without.

You would have to take a deep breath and dive deeper than you’ve ever been before but this time you wouldn’t be alone and promised to pull each other up when you needed air.

His love made it possible for you to breathe again and you would be forever grateful for it…always.

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @snowkestrel @fakehappy27 @music-indie-tv @fictional-hooman @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @celestialend @k-marzolf @nutmeg17 @rosaleenablack @vaguekayla @qu1etwolf @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @ittybxttykxttytxtty @russosafehaven @mrsbillyrusso

If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo fanfic #billy russo imagine #billy russo x female reader #billy russo x you #billy russo x y/n

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ziipzeepzop-eez · 5 months

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leoichi as adoptive parents hcs! | platonic, found family, two goobers and a 'baby'.

they're just dumb and in love. both with each other, and you.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

𝒂/𝒏: this is just pure brainrot tbh. shameless self indulgence of these dorks. word vomit that I definitely tried to format in a someday coherent way. ridiculous amount of fluff imho. the embodiment of spongebob's house when it got sucked dry by all them sea worms......whatever tf they were: yeah that's my brain being reduced to mush after FINALLYYYYY getting it all out. /lhj

Say it with me, now. *raises hands like a maestro* Blaaaaaaaame the brainnnnwoorrrrmmmss. 🐛💥🧠

anyway enjoy your ✨fruitbowl parents✨ agenda. ᡣ𐭩

leo 🫐

such. a mother.

always fretting over your health and safety :(( he just wants you to be safe !! happy !! healthy !! always.

big hugger/cuddler: i’m talking big ol’ bear hugs, snuggles, smothering your face in kisses, play-fighting (he makes sure not to hurt you!), head rubs/pats, the whole shabang.

of course, if you’re not comfortable with physical touch– he doesn’t overstep your boundaries!

there are so many different ways he showcases his love and affection to you; he’s a very caring parent.

very protective over you.

not in the prohibiting/constrictive sense, but in the best way that you know he’s always got your back.

both him and yui are fairly protective over you– and both of them always got your back– dgmw, but leo will throw down if your reputation/safety is on the line.

teaches you boundaries (in all aspects including others and yourself) and how to enforce them. gets a bit violent when protecting yours in the moments your boundaries are crossed.

you're his baby and nobody’s allowed to mess w his babies >:((

don’t get me started ✋🏼 on if it’s a.... *speaks cautiously* bullying situation.

NONEEEE OF Y’ALL ARE LEAVING THAT DINGY SCHOOL OFFICE WITHOUT JUSTICE BEING SERVED LMAOOAOOOO

as much as he clowns the aspect of them, leo can be a bit of a karen himself when it comes to your reputation/safety!

(& truthfully i think yui would play peacekeeper of sorts, especially if leo starts getting really heated but that's only if it escalates really badly. but tbh he can be just as intense. they're both always ready to throw down for you, anywhere, anytime.)

real talk: it's not so much the child as it will be the parents leo snarks at. he’s knowledgeable in the fact that behaviors are learned. taught.

while intolerant to any behavioral that bring you discomfort, he's glaring holes into the parental figures/guardians, hackles raised, and Lord above is it more. than enough.

leo – for all the jokester that he is – knows how to hunker down and get serious and boy oh boy does that man get serious when his beloveds are involved.

he is very good at reading people. he has a sharp judge of character. and he'll take up any business with whoever is responsible for your offender's-in-question wellbeing; if their behaviors reflect the hostilities you were met with.... well, there's not really much else to say, is there?

he'll throw down with the parents and he'll throw down wITH THE KID(S) TOO HE DOES NOT GIVE A FRESH DAMN.

girl fu them kids and fu you too energy. /hj

everybody’s getting schooled on this day and it ain’t gonna be by the teachers. 💥💥💥

takes you out for food and sweet treats after such a harrowing ordeal 😮‍💨 is probably still ranting long after they've picked you up from school and has to he calmed down by yui lol. and if you don’t like sweets, he’ll get you a cute little gift from the shops! :)

he just wants to see you smile, man. 💔 anything for you.

later on, back home, he sits you down and speaks to you in a warm, lovely tone. he inquires about anything else that might've gone down, any icky thoughts in that little head of yours..?

reassures you that none of it was your fault. comforts you in every way possible because like i said, leo is very good at reading people. how much more would he get to know you— his child? he knows how to make you feel better. no matter what.

but on the chance that you may have started something.... mmmm.

his parental patented scolding techniques come in. probs the "I'm not mad, just Disappointed." type. AND IT HURTTTTTS EVERY SINGLE TIME.

(but this is Very Rare seeing as he'd raise you with manners and good behavior he don't play none of that mess.)

you don't have to say anything. you can say something, deny it. affirm it. if it bothered you, genuinely, he'll know. if it didn't — he'll know it too.

either way, he ruffles your head and smiles that smile down at you. "you're everything to me. you know that, right?"

you do.

calls you by the cutest endearments in spanish !! the most common are: mijo/a, mi tesoro, mi vida, burbuja/burbujita, and cielo. mi is always a constant at the front of them :')) he's just so proud that you're his kid.

speakin’ of which– if you speak Spanish/pick it up from him, he gets so smiley and giddy :(( and y’all just have convos of silly jokes and sweet nothings that seem like not much out the ordinary in the moment but it's memories in the making and you look back on them and and, he just looks at you with so much fondness and :((( i am so SAD.

sings to you a lot. especially by means of comfort. sure, he'll burst into an impromptu dance and song number that's so ridiculous, so silly, but so entertaining that it's bound to put a smile on your face (his ulterior motives all along muahahahaaa!).

he also sings you lullabies. especially when you have a nightmare that's shaken you badly enough to tears. he's by your side in an instant, shushing you gently, wiping your face and reassuring you that he's there and that he won't let anything hurt you, ever.

movie night cuddles! if you and yui fall asleep before him, he'll adjust so you're all in one big cuddle pile. in the following morning he'll lightheartedly complain about it, but trust me. it's his favorite thing ever. (being curled up and cozy and safe with the two biggest centers of his universe.)

takes you to see your favorite uncles, aunties, and grampa splinter! sometimes he'll sit back and just watch you interact with them, his Proud Dad™ aura threatening to soften him and everyone in his closest vicinity to mush, and only snaps out of it when met with a teasing quip from one of his siblings.

casey is the cool nomad older brother/uncle figure who visits every so often and he's just, so exceedingly cool to you. he brings you souvenirs from his travels and spends a lot of quality time with you - y'all's relationship is lighthearted and fun loving!

—and leo cries because his kids omg his- their kids are so stinkin cute and wholesome and yui yui,,they really built themselves their castle on the hill didn't they omgomgomgomg guaaaaueueueuueue *cue rabbit paw shoulder pats of support*

because of leo's insomnia, he's your constant nighttime company. on the nights where sleep just doesn't come so easily, you can count to find him lounging about in the house somewhere. he'll fret gently if he sees you awake at an ungodly hour, but ultimately welcomes you with open arms.

▹▹ p. s. his chest is a prime cuddle-hug-back-to-sleep haven. with his deep churrs, one large hand rubbing comfortingly over your back, the warmth that creates coupled with the natural coolness from his body - it'll have you out like a light. worked when you were younger, works now. always will.

always the jokester, sooososo many jokes and lighthearted teasing with this guy. of course we know his jokes are insufferably constant (what? he's a dad now! he can ACTUALLY USE DAD JOKES AND THEY'LL ACTUALLY HIT HOME!!), but get this: the teasing - while good-natured - comes with the afterthought of teaching you subconsciously to hold your ground. it's his way of "raising you tough."

howbeit: if you're naturally sensitive, leo will protect it with all he's got. reassures you that sensitivity does not equal weakness and gets his esteemed example to deepen those teachings!

(( "look at uncle angie!! he cried over the fact that snakes don't have any arms yesterday. (/ref + /lh) and he's one of the strongest in our hamato-usagi battalion!"

"why would you say tone indicators out loud, papa?" ))

it's just— the world can be a dark and unforgiving place, with even darker and more unforgiving people.

as much as it pains him, he knows him and yuichi aren't always going to be there to protect you from every little thing. forever seems like it right now, but you still have so much growing to do.

he wants to make sure you'll be able to hold your own. not only physically, but emotionally/verbally.

the principles and lessons he teaches you are tidbits of gold that shape your mind and future and you carry them with you for a long time to come, whether you know it or not.

to conclude this- trust. you definitely know how to fight. at the very most defend yourself and others if need be !! i mean c'mon: you're the heir to a ninja and a samurai ! you know how to throw a punch just as well as you can parry it.

while they teach you the core value of never starting the fight and walking away to deescalate, they also teach you to kick names and take ass. (/ref) ain't nobody messin' with you, champ. 😎

—and if they do? they have a wholeeee clan to deal with now. because anyone who has a problem with you has a problem with all of your family — both sides.

in living out their motto, anata wo hitori janai, with you — he seems to relearn it in a special way each and every time.

and he wouldn't have it any other way. <3

yuichi 🍇

doesn’t always use pet names, but he says your name so fondly all the time – just beholds you like you’re the absolute treasure of his life (which you basically are tbh) – it feels like an endearment all its own.

your gentle force: he’s the one you turn to when everything gets too loud, too harsh, too overwhelming, too much.

y’all are mad in tune; all it takes is one look (not specifically in the eyes).

he’d pull you close. his fur is warm, soft, smells like tea leaves and incense and home.

given the situation – if you wanted silence, that’s what he’d give you.

if you needed something other than the ringing in your ears, something other than your mind, he hums.

he hums, pets your head, rocks you back and forth – right there in his lap. (you’ll never be too big, too old, for them to hold you.)

if you don't prefer being held, he'll give you your space. rest assured, he's respectful just like leo and doesn't ever want to make you uncomfortable. but he does stay close. if you ever need him, he'll always be close by.

even if you guys don't talk, it's just reassuring having his presence close by. to know you're not (and never will be) alone.

he holds you .... in a different way. 🥹

if you need words, he tells you every little thing he loves about you. tells you why you’re his.

he tells you how he admires you– not only as his child, but as an individual.

he reminds you that you will always have a place in his heart, nestled right between leo.

for all his harebrained-ness (see what i did there? *wheeze, knee slap*) – there’s no second-guessing his intense fondness for you. alongside leo, you're his heart and he moves in it every single day.

his friends are all your godparents.

now hear me out: yes, they could all be your aunties/uncles, and in a way they are!!

i mean, that's what you call them sometimes too! but gen, chisa and kitsune are his platonic soulmates. they just... locked in. 🔐🫂

so they're all just that little bit closer than your standard "auntie" and "uncle." ❤️‍🩹

they're your favorite babysitters. on yuichi's side of the family, anyway!

yui is a bit of a klutz, but somehow. he always. manages. to catch you. before you fall. before you even have the chance to trip up!

chalk it up to his samurai honed skills, his training paying off, his newfound parental instincts, a whirlwind of all three! he will gladly fall ass over kettle because he'll be damned if you're at risk to gain a scratch or two on his watch.

onlookers would suspect that leo is the more "involved" parent between them both, but that's a load of crock.

be it because yui's aura isn't as imposing as his beloved turtle counterpart that leads to this train of thought or not, it couldn't be farther from the truth! yui is the one who's constantly hovering (/pos).

he moves seamlessly, as natural as air, through the movements of your life that sometimes... it can almost seem like he isn't there. but like air, you know he's there, and you reap the benefits every single day.

cuddles with him are supreme as well! he's fluffy and warm. his embrace just speaks volumes of safety and familiarity.

every time you're near him you feel a little sleepy because it's so warm and safe :(( especially if you're not feeling too good! when you're feeling under the weather, he's the first you subconsciously seek out :'((((((

makes sure you're getting your food groups every single day. fruit and veggie platters, afternoons spent in the garden outside of your home, sunshine and the smell of fresh soil and sliced cucumbers are what made your childhood summers just that more magical.

scolds leo if he feeds you too much junk loll.

yuichi is like your vitamin, both figuratively and literally. he's learned so much from growing up on the farm with his grandmother, natural remedies are his forte.

in this additional sense, he teaches you farm work. four times out of ten, it ends in disaster, maybe or maybe not including a massacred watermelon grove, but through trial and error, you've managed to keep a good portion of accurate agriculture and gardening knowledge ingrained in the long-term area of your brain. 🙏🏼

gets nervous when you go out :(( he's of course happy that you get your freedom, but he can't help but to feel antsy whenever you're out of he and leo's sights; it's not that he doesn't trust you, he's just a worrywart /aff.

so! without fail, each time: before you go out, he'll kneel down to gently bonk foreheads with you, closes his eyes, and speaks an old Japanese blessing of safety and wellbeing over you. something he learned from his grandmother.

whereas leo is ecstatic to teach you the way of the sword (and is methodical with it too dw), yuichi may as well faint himself into a coma each time.

he gets much better when you're older, of course, even teaches you himself. but when you were younger? heeeheesh.... nobody. will forget the incident at the 6th Birthday Party Swordsmanship Knighthood Round Table Esk Extravaganza.

(fake blood was involved. a lighthearted prank gone wrong amidst the already electric atmosphere of cake and fun. a prank gone hard hearted, if you will. yuichi fainted twice, vomited once, and catapulted leo out of a window. the pigs got out of the pen. the koi fish were fished out of the pond. law enforcement was contacted. donnie's confetti canons backfired at one point. you guys are still finding glitter in random spots in the house to this day. it was madness.)

takes you on hikes and new adventures! you guys are always getting into something, whether it's discovering a new shadow dancing group in town's square or accidentally liberating a herd of cattle from a neighboring farmhouse auction, these make the best memories with him. because he exuded glee and held you close the entire time.

in calm moments, yui would recount tales of his ancestors to you. especially that of his great great grandfather (?? how many greats were there I'm sorry ajshdjd) - while you look up at him in wonder.

and in moments when you're not looking- he looks at you in wonder too. a wonder that only a parent could hold for their beloved child.

—

your dads sing to you. they both do that a lot, actually.

i imagine you get so used to hearing a little croon here, a gentle hum there … so much so that pure radio silence settles discomfort in your bones. there was always something.

even the little things that nudge you a reminder in the subconscious voices of your parents: you're here, you're alive, we're here for you, we'll always be here for you, i love you.

their songs make your outlook on life a little lighter. something more melodic. like the songs they sing you.

home becomes a song to you, unconsciously.

if someone were to ask you to define home to you . . .

it’s the bone-crushing hugs of your turtle dad. the deep, all-encompassing warmth. the smell of tea leaves, incense, bamboo wood – the sound of soft laughter, sing-songy words, horrendous dad jokes and endless puns. the constant words of affirmation that pick you up in your lowest moments and raise you even higher at your best. the gentle forehead bonks. both: sci-fi comics series and legends of samurai and ninja alike as wondrous bedtime stories. warm eyes, even warmer hands grasping yours. reassurance. safety. the love of your family.

love incarnate.

storge.

home is love. love is home.

—

with parents like them,

you will never go hungry.

you will never cry nor be alone.

you will never fight with nobody by your side.

you will never be unwanted.

you will never sing songs of your sorrow without it being sunrisen by joy.

you will never, ever go unloved.

you're the brightest light in their lives and they make sure you know it, every single day! 🌟

#leochi #leochi x child reader #platonic leochi x reader #leochi as adoptive parents #platonic rise leonardo x reader #platonic yuichi x reader #samurai rabbit #samurai rabbit the usagi chronicles #platonic rottmnt x reader #platonic samurai rabbit x reader #rottmnt #zeepie beep : fandom! ⭒๋࣭ ⭑🖋˚𔓘｡#found family

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mari-lair · 1 year

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Teru is less fake than people make him out to be.

He has plenty of secrets and visibly avoids confrontations but he is surprisingly open about his views. He carelessly admitted one of the main reasons for sparing Hanako on the young exorcist arc is because he doesn’t want Kou to hate him, a relatively personal motive. He even shares his work ethic in that very same chapter.

When he goes on his tirade about Hanako being a dangerous ghost, he doesn’t end his rant with “you’re evil and must be erased”, he says his situation, his existence “It’s painful to look at”

Some supernaturals are violent and monstrous, Teru has fun destroying them, as shown in chapter 70, but others feel like distorted people and are less fun to kill.

Teru has been an exorcist for a while, he knows by now that not all supernaturals are evil, or mean harm.

He has admitted that.

This is why Hanako’s screaming that he only wants to atone doesn’t shake Teru, who is already aware many supernaturals have their own goals and don’t intend to be a problem. This is why he tells Kou “There is no such thing as a good supernatural” instead of simply “All supernaturals are evil”.

For Teru, nothing that can be a danger to the living, proposital or not, can ever possibly be good. He has told us his priorities time and time again.

Which lead me to the way Teru values people.

Teru can be reckless and selfish, a real asshole, but he genuinely cares about the living. He doesn’t want to hurt them, be it physically or emotionally.

When he deals with nameless background characters, he is very careful. You’ll never see him being annoyed or even tense up at a fan, at most he is confused or awkward, and while he might play along to the princely title he was given at times, it never feels like a persona.

Unlike Aoi, who is trapped in her facade, never breaking character, Teru’s princely charm is not a burden, is not even a mask, is just an easy way to socialize that he was offered and occasionally take it. Teru may propositionally up the charm at times, but it is a part of him, he is not always putting up a show.

Just because Teru doesn’t broadcast that he is an exorcist doesn’t mean he traps himself in this ‘princely persona’.

Teru says a lot of rude things in public just cause he feels like it. He isn’t scared or pressured into fitting a certain image.

He is cruel with Akane in front of Nene many times.

In chapter 28, his fans spotted him collecting bugs with Kou, which is an activity that is not associated with ‘charming’ or ‘dreamy’, and yet, they didn’t bat an eye, eager to help him collect bugs: The students may not be close to Teru, but they are very nice to him.

Teru is nice to them too. Genuinely nice.

When Natsuhiko used his popularity to slow Teru down in chapter 40, Teru is openly glaring at Natsuhiko, he doesn’t try to hide his bad mood even when surrounded by his fans, nor does he redirect any of his frustration at them.

Mitsuba, Teru’s target, is right in sight! But Teru doesn’t even try to push his fans away, he prioritizes the people over the supernatural.

The best scene to show how careful he is to strangers is the scene where he is being confessed in chapter 1.

Being confessed must happen every month or so considering his absurd popularity, but he still close the book he was reading to give the girl his full attention. He still gets nervous and does his very best to turn her down gently.

I won’t get into if there truly is someone else he likes or if he is simply using it as a convenient excuse, I just want to show that he isn’t being fake here, he is genuinely trying.

This is a type of confrontation, which is something he is uncomfortable with, and he understands that his rejection will hurt this girl’s feelings, which he doesn’t like.

Just look at him! He is scracthing his head, and his neck, with a lot of ‘...’ in his dialogue, and he can’t look at this girl in the eye, he has a very awkward energy to it, even saying ”sorry” twice since he doesn't know what to do.

But for as sweet as he can be, he rarely became close with people.

He is being honest when he says this to Kou.

Liking people and liking an individual are very different things and Teru is a nightmare when it comes to forming attachments.

His care for any person only last for as long as they interact with him, is a very “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. He doesn’t prioritize forming new connections because he barely has time to cherish the ones he already has with his siblings.

This lack of attachment to any individual translates into him having no idea how to make friends, which furthers make him clueless on how to interact with other people, something his exorcist upbringing doesn’t help with.

He must have been taught lessons that are different from what most kids would get, more serious topics than ‘math’ or ‘literature’. It creates a disconnect between him and his peers, make him somewhat used to things others would be shaken or even traumatized by, so is no wonder he can come off as extremely arrogant and prideful, while having no idea on how some things that are common sense work, but we will talk about his destructive approach to making connections another time, this post is just about his relationship with people he isn’t close with.

Maybe his job made it so it became impossible for him to not be hyperaware of the value of life. Maybe he has always liked people but since he doesn’t connect with anyone he feels unsure about it, is hard to say, but regardless, he seems to value life even outside of professional lenses.

Which brings me to how he treats Nene and her lifespan.

Let’s rewind to chapter 29. When Nene is looking for Hanako everywhere, she eventually visit the student council, where Teru told her this:

And then told Akane this:

The speech he gives Nene is about Akane's glasses, but he also had her lifespan in mind, is no wonder he couldn’t look her in the eye when saying “Not knowing can be our best defense”.

It’s worth noticing that Teru has leagues more knowledge of the supernatural and its rules than the rest of the cast, and his mentality ends up being very similar to another character that also knows far more than he lets on:

Both are not satisfied with this solution but they accept it. Hanako has more investment and cares for Nene, he is in love with his assistant, but his initial core belief is the same as Teru’s: “There is nothing we can do to change her fate, so is better she lives happily in ignorance.”

Teru gave her accurate directions to where Hanako is when asked, because Nene and Hanako are friends, and even if Teru dislikes it, he won’t try to take that away from Nene. Every time he visits Nene with Hanako, he is cruel to Hanako but gives Nene smiles, he doesn’t try to change her mind, not even once, which is not normal. For comparison: Telling Nene to not hang out with Hanako had been the very first thing Kou did in his intro chapter, and something Akane questioned her on later, (which made her uneasy or distressed)

He doesn’t like it when her mood drops, and he notices quickly, but he doesn’t know how to help. At all.

He wants to cheer her up, but he is too awkward and prideful to risk trying to help and facing her sadness if he fails. No doubt having her break down would be ‘painful to look at’

So he runs away like a coward and passes the responsibility to Akane.

When Teru comes back, he sees that Nene ate his sugar toast and is happy the treat made her feel better.

The sweet could have been ordered for her from the start, he is a schemer so is not impossible, but I personally feel that the sugar toast was indeed a treat for himself: He got a free day and he decided to make the most of it, go all out and just do what he wants to do! He dragged Nene and Akane to the arcade, and the karaoke, and got plushies, and explored everything! So of course he would want to get the most ludicrous sweet on the menu too, something so appallingly unhealthy that Kou normally wouldn’t have allowed him to eat at home.

And yet, when Nene ate it, he did not care about losing this special sweet, focusing only on her. He want her to have fun too.

He wasn't serious when he claimed he would have killed Nene in chapter 85.

He is angry by Hanako’s actions, and the whole point of his monologue is to reprimand Hanako for resorting to murder to solve his problems, without taking anything besides his wish to ‘save nene’ into account, which is a very narrow view.

Teru only threatened Nene’s life because he wanted Hanako to realize how reckless his actions are, but since spealing it out wasn’t reaching him, he had to change his approach.

He explicitly told us it was a made up scenario to knock some sense into Hanako

He despises Hanako's idea that murder might solve someone’s problem. So of course he would never kill Nene, or any other person.

Because he values life.

#minamoto teru #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #teru minamoto #jibaku shounen hanako kun #you all have no idea how many tangents I had to cut #and it is still pretty long #character analysis

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djuvlipen · 1 year

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i've been thinking a lot about anorexia prevention and how much it revolves around body image. when i was in middle school and high school the most common attitude i witnessed regarding anorexia was "don't starve, you'll die" followed by "you don't need to starve to be pretty. girls who are too skinny are ugly anyway, you don't want to look like that". it came from both adults (including my relatives) and other students. and i think that's a bad approach for many reasons. first, it associates anorexia to looks and body image when a lot of girls with anorexia don't starve to be pretty. as Naomi Wolf said in The Beauty Myth, anorexia is less about conforming to beauty standards and more about feeling in control of your body, a feeling that a lot of girls experience when navigating a misogynist world -- especially girls who survived sexual assault. sure, beauty standards play a big part in the onset of anorexia and social contagion but it's only the tip of the iceberg.

second, painting anorexic girls as shallow and calling them ugly is just discouraging bonding between girls and women. when i was in middle and high school girls who were suspected of having anorexia were bullied and called ugly for it. they were ostracized and i'm pretty sure being bullied at school is not of great help when dealing with an eating disorder. on the contrary, we should encourage solidarity and friendship between women and girls. anorexia is very competitive and trains you to look at your own body and at other women's bodies in a negative, critical light. i feel most strongly that the way we think about our own bodies, as women, is reflected in the way we think about other women's bodies. i do think that hating your female body will lead to your hating the body of other women. if we want to cultivate a healthy relationship with our own body, we also have to get rid of any competition we may have with other women, and we have to cultivate female friendship and solidarity

third, the consequences of anorexia don't boil down to looking too thin and ugly. it ruins your social life and your physical health to a degree many people aren't aware of. it's particularly harmful because when i started starving i thought the worst thing that could happen to me was death, and beside that the only other bad thing would be not looking very attractive. but i didn't care about my looks and i didn't care about dying either. however i did care about my friends, i did care about my academic performance, i used to enjoy little things like going for a walk or reading a book. now all my friends have more or less dropped me because i'm not fun to be around when i keep fainting everytime we go out, i'm constantly zoning out and i have no memory and no energy and i can't perform simple tasks or focus on anything, when i take a walk the only thing i think about are the calories i'm burning and some days my bones and my joints hurt too much and i can't even walk for too long. talking about anorexia purely in terms of looks is creating a misrepresentation of what it actually is and i do think it's failing many girls and women who may have not developed anorexia if the way we talk about it had been different

#alas i'm shadowbanned

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filthforfriends · 6 months

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Chapter 10: Little

Author's Note

Word count: 8.4k (whoops)

Read the rest on my Masterlist!

This would be easier if Damiano was’t saying all the right things all at once. A minute in between, or even a warning, would make the turn in conversation more bearable.

“There was a point, a couple months in, where I would have traded a lobe of my poor liver for you to be all clingy and needy in Little headspace. I miss being your Dom so fucking much, so fucking much.” He’s putting such emphasis into his words that it slightly strains his voice. “With your anxiety, having your Dom basically disappear…and we’d spent years building the dynamic into something that was both pleasurable and therapeutic. All that trust and I…the head fuck, I can’t imagine. I don’t want you to think that it wasn’t the most special thing in the world to me.” The sobs are coming so fast that you can’t inhale in between and end up literally choking on your own misery. It's the way a toddler with no self-regulation skills cried.

“I know, at points, I’ve done power play with other partners.” He’s wincing as he speaks, which is totally unnecessary. You just didn’t get the inclination to submit to anyone else.

“But I’ve just been stuck on the thought that you might have felt replaceable.” You shake your head and try to gather the air to speak. Instead of just embracing, an hand snakes under your blouse provides pressure through calming, even strokes along your back

“Felt impor – ortan –ant,” you manage, face tucked snuggly against his neck. Damiano sighs in relief.

“Good. Thank god.”

“Knew I mattered.” Although all the syllables come out right, the next phrase is such a struggle that it's almost indiscernible. “Knew…loved, not – not a…burden.” It was the way your well-intentioned, but often unequipped parents made you feel: like more than they signed up for. It's hard to articulate negatively about a good childhood. They bought roses for your middle school graduation, but you’d rather sit on the bathroom floor with the flu alone than endure your frantic mother or patronizing father. How could a kid they very much intended to have be emotionally over-demanding? Must be something wrong with the kid.

Except nothing made you feel more right than Dami kneeling on the side of a bubble bath, contentedly washing you with a baby-pink washcloth. He used lavender scented soap and smiled adoringly at how quickly you became non-verbal.

“Feel floaty, little one?” he’d coo, asking if you’d entered headspace just from this intimate act of service. No pain. No sex. The dynamic had reached a point where just his presence and intention was enough since Damiano, himself, was completely tranquil. It created a euphoric energy exchange, always nurturing. He enjoyed it, you blossomed, but that all came to a grinding halt as soon as the trust wore thin.

“Selfishly, I miss feeling in control, too. I tried to sublimate, but I couldn’t wait for the scenes to me over. It felt manufactured with new partners and just…wrong. Gross, even. Fuck, why am I saying this?” he groans. “I just wanted something to click so badly and it didn’t.

“S’okay.”

“I know this is asking for a lot. Really, I shouldn’t be asking for anything at all, considering living together is more than I realistically hoped for. You know what? I’m gonna shut up.” You shake your head, drying your wet face on the cotton of Dam’s shirt, only for it to be full of tears again. “Okay, I wish that — I want there to be a way that I earn your trust again, dynamic wise. I miss my little girl.”

That one physically hurts, like a side cramp from running after drinking too much water. The stabbing pain emanates deep into your torso because “yeaning” doesn’t begin to describe your emotions. You literally ached to be curled up in Dami’s lap while he hit his weed vape during The Little Mermaid. Of course, half an hour in, he was humming the melodies into your ear. Sometimes he even did voices or rocked back and forth to the beat of the songs, the soft pajamas he’s dressed you in pleasantly brushing your skin.

“I miss holding you and feeling the pure joy at convincing me to watch one of those Disney movies that are intolerable except for the music. You try to hide how excited you get and I try to act like I wasn’t gonna say yes to anything you picked.”

“Damia…” You ball your hands into fists, fingernails biting into the soft flesh. It's a bad habit, but an effective one. The little bit of pain keeps you present when you’d like to fawn. This wasn’t the place: rehab facility, in a previously sterile, closet–size room. The couple times you’d accidentally slipped into subspace semi-publicly had been scary. If you were meeting him on tour, Damiano was extremely intentional about creating a controlled environment, and if he didn’t feel confident, you wouldn't play.

Perhaps, without realizing it, the hand under your shirt is stoking at the same pace as an even breath. When one body was upset, the other subconsciously moved to calm it. All you needed was to breathe in time with his hand against your back, and allow yourself to fall into submission. Every cell in your being had been screaming for this, waiting months for Dami’s reassuring touch, but you couldn’t allow yourself to enjoy it. Hell, you shouldn't be allowing it whatsoever because based on recent history you’d end up hurt. Worse still, you’d feel helpless, which was an emotion you’d clawed your way out of with cut up hands and bleeding fingernails.

“I need to stand up,” you decide, clambering off his lap. It takes Dami by surprise and he hangs onto your wrists while you struggle to get your feet right. He can tell something is awry.

“Okay, you're standing. What now?” he asks in his gentlest voice. Speak. Fucking speak. Maybe you could go home and fall back into memory, pretend it wasn’t a temporary fix that would ultimately deepen the wound.

“Look at me.” You can’t stop your face from turning, so you squeeze your eyes closed and feel a rush of tears. “Look at me.” You pout your lip and shake your head, whimpering in distress. The lip pout was a dead giveaway, so you bite it instead and taste blood. The palms of your hands hurt, your lip hurt, your heart hurt. How was a person supposed to contain this much hurt and be unaffected?

“When we split you didn’t have another dom. How long did it take you to find one, y/n?” He caught on too easily. Your left leg begins shaking, quivering at the knee like it's about to give out. Your body tries to contain nervous energy. It’s too much. The sobs are so frequent you struggle to breath, coughing on snot.

“Did some piece of shit hurt you, piccola mia? What did they do wrong?” You choke on your own spit at the tone of his voice, covered in goosebumps. Damiano probably didn’t realize how dominant he sounded. His little girl making a mistake within a new dynamic wasn’t even a possibility to him. Had to be the dom’s fault because you were perfection.

“When you’re ready we can redo the scene and it’ll go exactly how you want. I’ll be so careful to replace that bad memory with a good one. Hmm?” You shake your head. There had been no bad substitute dom, because there’d been no other dom at all.

“Open your eyes,” he commands, tightening the grip on your wrists. Dami sits forward and pulls you between his spread legs. You stare at your left shoe. One of Princess’s hairs was on the bland, gray carpet, nearly camouflaged.

“I haven't submitted to anyone,” you whisper so quietly that not even crying can distort the words.

“Look at me.” It's another command, more forceful. His grip on your wrists aches, just enough to draw attention. Keeping the kicked puppy expression off of your face became impossible ten minutes ago, so when Dami looks, he sees. He’s absolutely devastated, then kicking himself for not putting two and two together.

“You’re going to be Little for a while. Sit on my lap.” Now that the decisions made, you’re so awash in relief that your oxygenation gets even more fucked up.

“Can’t breathe.” He makes the decision physically, too, and pulls you down to him. You go completely pliant, so sitting on his lap becomes laying on his chest. Dami turns both your bodies to fit semi-comfortably along the tiny bed. You peel off your shirt to reveal just a sports bra, worn to keep the boobage under control. Now all that matters was his warm hands on your bare skin. The shirt falls to the floor and Princess sniffs it out of curiosity.

“Let me change into a tank top,” he murmurs. It's a sign of respect, since he’d go shiftless any other time. “Loosen your grip. I’m just getting something from my dresser, you're okay, topolina.” Subconsciously, you’d wrapped your arms around Dami and established a vice hold, so he’d have to pry your arms apart to get away. It was a desperate move.

“Sorry.”

“You’re not allowed to apologize unless I ask, surely you remember that.”

“I remember,” you slip into Little Voice and watch Damiano’s from out under your lashes. It’d be so much quicker to get out of bed, but instead he props himself on his left elbow and reaches to open the drawer with his right hand. As a result you get to stay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat through the cotton.

Every movement is done together. Sitting up with a firm arm around your waist is done together. You even help him pull off the baggy t-shirt and unnecessarily smooth over the straps of his tank top. He’s gained muscle fast. Already you can see the difference in Damiano’s biceps and shoulders. It’d still be nice to see a healthy layer of body fat. Right now he’s a bit sinewy.

“They have a gym here.”

“You noticed,” he beams. Rather than answer his gaze, you stare at where your thighs touch and feel yourself get wet.

“Mm, you forget that I can feel what you’re thinking when you’re on my lap, michetta.” Why in god’s name did you wear cheap trousers and thin underwear? Even your ear’s burn with embarrassment.

“Awe, now did I say you were allowed to blush that pretty?” He takes the hair tie from your wrist and pulls your hair back, so he can see your face from all angels. “Does this feel nice?” Dami fingers combs your locks, stropping whenever there's a tangle until the full ponytail is clutched in his first. Then he pulls from the base of your skull. You're too braindead to provide resistance. Rather than pull your hair, Damiano ends up tilting your whole head back. You freeze, afraid it's your mistake.

Initially, all Dami does is breathe, and you can feel the air hitting your stretched neck. He just sits there, with your head craned back, enjoying the view of all your exposed skin, like a predator before butchering its meal. Just allowing this stance is an act of submission by you. His eyes fall to the notch at the base of your neck, across your clavicles, along the flat expanse of your breast bone, and landing on the line of your cleavage.

“Notice your breathing.” For the first time in several minutes, your awareness turns inward, away from your dominant. Was the pattern of your inhale-exhale normal? No. But was it panicked? Also no. You were panting, aroused by the knowledge of Dami’s eyes on your neck. It was a ridiculous reaction.

“‘S better.”

“Mhm.” The hand around your middle slowly rises to your throat. Damiano simply sets the bottom knuckles against your trachea, not applying any force, intricately observing your reaction. Then he folds the entirety of his warm palm around your neck, keeping tension with your hair. Finally he wraps his fingers around the column of your neck, leaving you in rapture. At any moment, he’ll apply force, restricting blood flow and subsequently flooding you in endorphins when his grip releases. Dami’s thumb tenderly rubs behind your ear lobe, the gentle sensation a precursor to some brutality that never comes.

“You are okay.” Using both hands, Damiano brings your head upright. As soon as he lets go you feel the weight of the world and yearn for his guiding touch.

“Signore?” you say his chosen Honorific in confusion. His careful hands are back, tucking your face securely between his shoulder and neck. One resumes the delicious tension with your hair and the other cups your cheek as he lays back down.

“So good at keeping your eyes closed, piccola. Remember I had to train you to do that? Now, you give in without me even asking. Such a perfect pet.” He kisses your forehead and rubs your bare back while administering the occasional validation. “Curled up just right, topolina. You are my sweetest little girl when you’re snuggly.” Just when you’re prepared to swan dive into subspace for the foreseeable future, Dami jostles your shoulder. “I need you to stay verbal.” You groan in protest, feeling disoriented as you search for words. They’re unreachable objects, floating around in your submissive mental fog.

“Ssh, shh. I didn’t want you to startle. That's my fault and I’m sorry,” he coos, stroking your hair with gentle pressure that coaxes you to lay down. “Take a deep breath. Mhm, that's just how I asked, piccola mia. You’re doing a really good job.”

“Brain off,” you groan. Damiano chuckles, but keeps his hand at the same pace. He’s good at that. As a dominant partner, his physicality often had a hypnotic quality.

“I’m sorry that I have to keep you at the surface. I wish it was different, that I could be a better Dom.”

“You…good Dom.”

“Three whole words? I’m impressed. I’ve seen you go non-verbal for so long I wondered if you’d talk the next morning.”

“Mm…nice.”

“Yeah, I bet that sounds nice right now. Maybe we’ll do that when I get home. This can be non-sexual for a while.” The bastard properly yanks your hair for the first time as punctuation, just enough for a violent full-body shiver and a little sting at the nape of the neck. It was your favorite.

“Fuck you.” Simultaneously, you stretch like Princess in the sun, coiling yourself tighter around Dami. “Fuck you and the way you smell.” Your nose was nudging against the back of his head, where all the sweat collected.

“I’m one day past needing a shower. Sorry, I know you only like that when you’re ovulating and feral.” And right now. He smelled grubby in a way you wanted to taste too. Would he notice if you licked him? With inhibitions compromised, you lick the nape of his neck, feeling the short hairs at the top with your tongue. Damiano startles and pulls away, shocked.

“Did you just lick me?” It's such a harsh reaction that you immediately regret it. Now that the cuddles have stopped, you feel uneasy with self consciousness. What kind of invasive, tone deaf pervert does what you just did? And here you’d lectured about boundaries.

Damiano’s face dissolves from shock into pity into regret. He cups your cheek, thumb brushing back and forth. Were you crying again? You couldn’t feel your face, or anywhere else on your body. He hasn’t given you permission to apologize. Even so, the words are almost bursting forth.

“You surprised me,” he explains slowly, speaking like you’re a confused child. It’s healing, to be talked down to, but not demeaned, in a world where your senses are in a constant state of being assaulted by information.

“Good surprise. I shouldn’t have jumped. I’m sorry, pet.” It was the second time he’s said ‘I’m sorry,’ while you weren’t allowed. “It’s been so long since I had the privilege of our dynamic and…” Dami looks out the window again, and sighs in thought. He pulls you close again and rolls over so he’s resting on top this time. With his familiar weight pushing you into the mattress, not wrapping your legs around his hips becomes a very conscious choice.

“You are uninhibited by shame in the expression of your submission.” A single finger on your chin brings your eyes to his and Damiano’s gaze is the only thing necessary to own your attention. “So strictly platonic might not work for us, because I will never put limits on your sexual expression.” The moment is so intense that you mentally beg for Dami to release it, but he grasps it with an iron-clad fist, willfully. “So things are going to be partially experimental, at your discretion, because hard boundaries are not comfortable for you. They are not where you thrive.”

You’re nodding along in wide-eyed agreement, dreading when this moment ends and you have to have an entire thought on your own. Dami is holding himself very still, rather than relaxing against you as is normal. It's undoubtedly because he’s hard. Wanting to feel that validation you begin to raise your knees, intending to wrap your legs over his hips and bring him close enough to eliminate any secrets. With a firm hand on your thigh, he stops the gesture, legs returning to the bed.

“Breathe,” he reminds, caressing your ribcage.

“I wanna apologize,” you whimper, embarrassed at your own horny behavior.

“No. Breathe into my hand.” Each inhale, you focus on the sensation of Dami’s skin against yours and his weight on your left side. “I will not allow you to apologize for organically acting out your desires. I am here to regulate your behavior. I don’t expect you to do it.” Damiano’s face begins to blur as you slip deeper into submission and try to claw your way towards the surface.

He resituates your bodies to lay facing each other. One hand is cupping your ribcage, the other rests at the base of your neck. The immediate adrenaline rush makes you more cognizant. Curious about all the movement, Princess hops on the bed, meowing a complaint that there is not enough room to lay between your torsos.

“I'm busy, babygirl,” he tells her. She meows again and turns her head away, as if she understands.

“Okay, brain turning on.”

“Just keep breathing. That’s all you have to do and you’re listening so well.” He rubs circles on your chest and in response your nipples get hard, even though the bra’s padding. “I love it when you touch me like this,” he muses. Gathering all your focus, you slip a hand under Dami’s tanktop and lay it on his sternum.

“Piccola mia, look at me.” He only has to ask once. “You are okay. I know this was just the beginning of what you needed.” Instead of crying as a response to everything, you access that little well of calm inside you, and find that there's steadiness to be had. “If we were to do a scene, you might not feel safe here, or you might feel uneasy afterwards. Also you need to drive home.”

“I understand.” You strain to kiss Dami’s nose.

“Breathe. You are okay.”

“I am okay,” you repeat back, automatically.

“You are okay.”

“I am okay.” You finally consider the words and nod in understanding. “I’m okay. I’m not actively trying to keep it together anymore. Holy shit, I actually feel alright,” you exclaim in surprise. He hums in agreement, and pulls you onto his chest. Being constantly reminded to breathe steadily has manually calmed your nervous system down. Your body physically knew that it wasn’t in a state of distress anymore, panic gone.

“Fiveish minute warning,” Damiano announces, like a nanny at a playground.

“No,” you grumble, getting a more secure grip and nuzzling.

“When you feel like you’re gonna turn into a sinkhole from all the pressure life is applying, find this feeling again. It’ll still be there. You don’t have to use it or owe it to anybody. Just have some peace and know I believe in your capabilities unconditionally.”

“I believe in you unconditionally.” Dami scoffs and pats the mattress.

“This bed we’re laying on, is in a rehab facility that I didn’t even get myself into. My brilliant, persuasive girlfriend tricked the entire Italian healthcare system and babysat me on the way here.”

“Technically I committed a crime, so don’t put me too high on a pedestal.” He frowns with just the right side of his mouth, eyes darting back and forth on the textured ceiling. “Hey…” You fold both hands on his chest to prop up your chin.

“Hey.”

“You’re missing the point.” He cocks an eyebrow. “We’re laying in a bed in a rehab facility that I tricked my way into together.” This earns a full smile and a suggestive lip bite. It's humanizing to view Dami from an angle that gives him a double chin, as he gazes down in adoration.

“That is a good point.” His eyes scan your face, repeatedly darting down to your lips. It is a very intimate position.

“Okay, so this is a question, not a statement.”

“Mhm.”

“Are you trying to get me to kiss you right now? Because I can’t tell.” You blush and break eye contact, laying a cheek to the cotton of Dami’s tank top. “Ah, fuck me. That’s a no. Fuck.”

“Not yet,” you whisper, tracing the lines of a cat tattoo on the inside of his bicep.

“I’m not trying to pressure you.”

“I know. It doesn’t come off that way.”

“Good because I don’t…I’m really happy with where we’re at and I don’t want to do anything to damage it.”

“You’re not, Damia and I don’t wanna…freak out and get snot all over you.”

“Are you kidding? That’s the first normal reaction you’ve had to all this. I’m relieved. Anger and tears are reactions I can understand.”

“I’ll be sure to yell at you next time.”

“You say that as a joke but it’d be nice to get it out of the way.” That comment rubs you the wrong way and you sit up.

“Do you think I’m just harboring secret rage, waiting for a moment where I can cause optimal damage to unleash it?”

“Wha – no. No, I don’t think that.”

“I haven’t held back on our phone calls or when we split up. I walked out of the hospital and I blocked all ways for you to contact me.”

“I know, I just feel like I deserve…more. More punishment.”

“That sounds like some shit you need to figure out with a therapist, not put on me.” Damn, subbyness gone.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Ugh!” You splay out on his chest once more, missing the simplicity of the previous moment.

“I ruined it.”

“You can’t be constantly debilitated by self-loathing because staying sober and putting our relationship back together isn’t gonna work with that weight. I don’t resent you the way you’re bracing for.”

“Why?” he presses.

“Because you are not the person I broke up with! Become that person again, and you will feel the wrath of a thousand hell demons. But this person –” you poke the middle of his chest with your pointer finger. “I fell in love with at 18 and continue to love. I know you didn’t act maliciously, or as your true self. Anger is just…so simple. Too simple.” He softens and traces his fingertips up and down your spine. “I will be an absolute prison warden about drug testing though.”

“Good, that’ll make me feel better. And I’m glad that you’re acknowledging the hurt I caused, even if it wasn’t my intent. Intent doesn’t heal the wounds.”

“Well, except…“knowing you didn’t mean to hurt someone takes away a lot of the betrayal, so it does matter.” You shift and sign in contentment. God, he really smelled unreasonably delicious. “Plus I’m a big girl, I can work through my emotions.” His fingertips massage your scalp in a way that damn near makes your eyes roll back. Instead, you shiver while he gathers your hair in a fist.

“My turn.”

“Huh?” Damiano flips you on your back again, but instead of keeping his head level, he lowers his face to your chest. You still don’t understand what's going on until his tongue licks between your cleavage, up to your collar bones. From there he kisses along your neck with tongue, pulling your hair to make the area more accessible to his mouth.

“Hnngg mm, Damia. Ahh, okay.” His tongue runs along the shell of your ear, making every body hair stand on end from the stimulation. “Huuuh, fuck. Not fair. Mm-mmm, not…not fair.” His chuckle is ridiculously sexy and he takes his time pulling away. “Not fair.” Damiano wears a self-satisfied smile, knowing he’s bested you, in addition to turning you on. Perhaps two orgasams before visiting wasn’t enough, because you actually consider lunging forward and kissing him hard. Maybe that's what he wants, to bait you into action without implicating himself. It's a challenge that he doesn’t mean to pose. Regardless, you take it.

“Princess?” You make a couple high-pitched trills and she jumps on your chest. Dami is surprised to have the focus pivoted away from him. Ever the attention whore, Princess rubs her cheek against his before settling down.

“Do you think she misses me?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Cause clearly, you miss me.” Sitting up, you brush the cat hair off your shirt and pull it on. Damiano makes a wounded noise in protest.

“Looks like you’ll have to lick something else now,” you quip. By that you mean an arm or the fabric of your top, not the lightning fast comeback Dami delivers.

“I would lick something else. Now, if you’d like. Happily.” He gestures to his bed and your cunt burns, despite cunnilingus not even being an option.

“You’re funny.”

“I couldn’t be more serious.”

“Pretty sure intercourse is against the rules. Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I’m pretty sure that's what they think we’re doing right now,” he grins. Horrified, you yank the door open while Dami cackles. Luckily, he manages to catch Princess before she makes a run for it. Her short leash hangs on the bedpost closest to you. In a whisper, he repeats an earlier phrase while reaching for it.

“Did I say you were allowed to blush that pretty?” For a moment you’re speechless and sweaty. He sets Princess down and holds out the leash. Your mind is too preoccupied to realize that he’s offering it to you. Dami smirks as he steps out into the hallway. You try to think of some little gesture or a phrase that will do to him what he’s done to you. Everything that comes to mind is either not good enough, or too public. You’re fumbling and he loves to watch you lust for him.

“You want to have some gelato outside?”

“If you promise to be civil.” He wiggles his eyebrows in a way that does not suggest compliance. You decide to be crude rather than clever, pinching his ass right before he steps into the hallway. Damiano yelps and jumps half a foot in the air, as does Princess.

“Oops.” You skirt around him before he gets the chance to return the favor, skipping towards the stairs. The building was grand, with a high, intricately carved ceiling. Behind you, Dami was speed walking, Princess struggling to keep up. He ends up having to stop and scoop her off the floor, by which time you’re waiting at the end of the hall with a devilish smile. Maybe you were destined to play games of chase like this, until you trusted things enough to be caught.

His eyes scan the surroundings twice before growling, “c’mere.” You shake your head and hop down the steps as soon as he nears touching distance. It's not like Dami could grope you in the common areas where everyone gathered between meals and therapies, but this space was empty. You look over your shoulder, undecided if you’ll let him catch you, and he can see that indecision. Suddenly, it feels like a not so innocent game of prey and predator. Your focus oscillates between Dami and your feet walking backwards down the steps.

“Y/n, behind you!” You freeze and see a frail woman who could be anywhere from 40-70 years old with an amused expression. She was climbing up the stairs, minding her business, like a normal person.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. Uh…sorry,” you cringe. First you flatten yourself against the railing, then realize she might need the railing. Already the woman has silently moved to the opposite side of the staircase. Dami’s nose is scrunched up in embarrassment, too.

“Lovely cat,” she murmurs so quietly only Dami realizes she's spoken.

“Oh, thank you!” His normal voice booms through the foyer in comparison. Damiano glances at Princess, as if noticing her for the first time, then sets her down. She meows just before her splayed paws hit carpet and looks up in apparent disappointment.

“Come on, Miss Sassy Pants.” Once he’s in lock step, you lean over and whisper, “do you know that lady?”

“Mm-mm, she’s new.” His tightly controlled expressions indicate the obvious, that notoriety is a taboo subject in the facility.

“Have people given you any trouble?”

“Thank god, no. The other patients have been in their own worlds for a while. Plus, no internet access, remember? Lord knows what they’re saying about me.”

“Really nice, genuine, complimentary things,” you deadpan.

“Oh, really? That's a relief.” The paparazzi were publishing every sallow picture after a night out they could get their hands on, and even better if there was a model in the frame. Alot of the pictures were with women he’d never slept with, and while simply hung-over, not high. Of course that didn't matter. The more they had to recycle material, the more preposterous the claims got.

“Last week they said you’ve been away managing a secret sex cult, not in rehab.” He scoffs as you walk towards the kitchen.

“Could be worse, I guess. Or less interesting.”

“Yeah…until the claims that it was mostly 16-year-olds started up.” Damiano stops in his tracks with an expression like he’s drunk sour milk. “But it got disproved in like a day! Fans started leaving horrendous reviews on the tabloid sites. Some of them were actually really funny…” You trial off, because Damiano is visibly seething. “Hey, literally no one believed it, Dam.”

“But the fact that they even thought it was acceptable to publish that, with absolutely no evidence, like it was news makes me sick. We always consciously avoided the groupie narrative and now…” He throws his hands up in frustration.

“Pop culture doesn’t differentiate between a womanizer and a predator because it's normalized that sex be coerced. That's on society, not you.”

“Maybe I’ll say something to that effect as part of my great rebranding. God it's just…” he stares at the carpet and scowls, mulling it over. “I don’t want to be angry, right now, while you’re visiting, this just really, really pisses me off.” After personally giving dubious and questionable consent in his mid-teens, the subject was a sore spot for Dami. He was very intentional about never doing that to someone else.

“Maybe you can sue them for character deformation? Use the publicity to bolster releasing an In Nome Del Padre type single?”

“Now there's an idea,” he allows a sliver of a smile.

“It would sure suck if paparazzi started harassing the journalist who wrote the article after seeing them in court.”

“Now that would be a great tragedy.”

“Perhaps there would even be a support group, for the fellow grievers.”

“I think that’s called a party.”

“I’ll bring the balloons if you bring the cake?”

“Deal,” he finally grins. “Christ,I can’t even…” Damiano shakes his head and sighs heavily. “Maybe I don’t miss the internet.”

“Porn.”

“Good point…But mostly I miss my camera roll.” You try not to turn red.

“Certain pictures on your phone make me very nervous.”

“They are very safe.” According to many technological precautions you didn’t understand, Damiano’s camera roll was highly secure. But more so you trusted that, as a Dom, he’d never let images of you being Little be viewed by anyone. Yes you were happily non-monogamous, but as dominant, Damiano fucking lived for the fact that he didn’t share your submission. The polyamory was completely separate from your personal daddy/sub dynamic.

What he got off on most of all wasn’t the nudes, or necessarily kink, but pictures he’d carefully orchestrated of you having sex together. After getting consent, he’d set up the phone camera with a random timer. Not knowing when the picture was going to be taken meant you couldn’t pose. Rather than his usual rhythm, Dami gave you as much stimulation as possible right out the gate, so you’d forget the camera by the time he found a slow groove. Then he’d rev the sex back up with tantric work, toys, dirty talk, and considerate angles.

The result were images of you sweaty, flushed, gasping, half cognizant, and blissed out. Either captured at a moment of tension, or the release right after. They were not pretty. If you were kissing it could be downright ugly. Damiano always looked just as fucked out, but he wore it like a sex god. Sometimes, the full body shots of you on top felt beautiful, but he never preferred those. Dami loved the gaping mouth, furrowed brow face you made when rubbing your clit against him the exact right way. He’d excitedly point out the crescent-shaped nail marks on his chest you left when dragging your slick pussy along his pubic bone for the sake of orgasmic friction. In real life, or in the pictures.

“You didn’t delete them?” Dami stops in his tracks, face revealing that he hadn’t thought about this until now.

“Should I have?” he says slowly.

“I guess not. I didn’t set up a contingency, so it wasn’t violating anything. I just thought since we were – are, that you wouldn’t want…I mean you had access to all – wait did you take pictures with other people?” Exchanging and creating sexual images with other partners wasn’t even a conversation because of the fame. Now your voice comes out wounded and accusatory at the thought of him sharing this practice during your time apart.

“Not…” He guides you towards the empty kitchen to finish the conversation, as you wear an expression of shock. Intimate photography had only existed between you two out of necessity, not because you forbade it with other partners. It wasn’t until he mentioned it that you realized this closed practice had created territorialism. You’d fallen right into the trap of monogamy – of wanting exclusive rights to Damiano’s sexual autonomy – at the first opportunity possible. The hum of the refrigerator and Dami’s hand on your mid-back bring you to the present. Princess is meowing persistently, probably because this is where her food is stored.

“You know what, it's almost dinner time. I’ll just feed her now so she’ll stop bothering us.”

“If it's almost dinner then I should go. Our time is up. I –”

“Y/n.” He holds you by the shoulders with intimidatingly intense eye contact. “I was not using sex in a healthy way. I was using it like drugs, okay? It was mostly inebriated and mediocre. Yes, I did photograph it on the rare occasion I was sober-ish and gave a fuck, but those photos never made it onto my phone. Pictures preserve memories. There was nothing about that time I wanted to remember, especially how I acted.” He crouches down to pet Princess, self-soothing, and you hop up on the counter for something to do. Dami pulls a little metal dish from under the fridge and her meows only intensify.

“I know, I know. It's happening. I’m getting your fancy dinner, babygirl.” He pulls open the door and the cool air hits your skin. “So I’ve been thinking about how our relationship is at a point where it's gonna evolve a lot.”

“Agreed.” Dami grabs ground, raw meat and a couple of plastic pump bottles out of the refrigerator.

“So even if we were to take a couple hours and hash our relationship all the way out,” he uses a measuring cup to transfer the meat to the bowl, “a week from now it might be…a totally different um, thing.”

“Right, and what’s that stuff?”

“Beef?” Damiano looks over his shoulder while washing his hands and raises an eyebrow.

“No, the bottles.”

“Oh! It’s fish oil, plus vitamins and supplements for her coat, her bones, her eyesight.”

“Princess, the immortal, spoiled feline.”

“That's the idea, yeah.” She circles Dami’s legs, meowing incessantly, until he sets her bowl down.

“But, I agree about how fast our relationship will be evolving. I guess, ideally we’d sit down each time it felt like something had shifted, but that sounds…”

“Like a lot?”

“Exhausting. Doing the full negotiation while you’re still in the early days of recovery sounds emotionally overwhelming to be honest. And I’d like to say, ‘can’t we just agree to love each other with dignity and reverence,’ but that seems naive.” Damiano thinks for a few seconds, putting things back in the fridge.

“I’m,” he gestures with his hands “sort of doing a reset towards my – well, our fundamental principles. Because I really wasn’t conducting myself in a way I was proud of for several months there. And I want to talk about it.” He takes the gelato container from the refrigerator and retrieves a spoon. “Or rather I’m willing to talk about it” Dami grumbles while fighting with the lid. He finally manages to remove it, revealing the creamy, light green color.

“Okay, this is gonna sound so cheesy, but I couldn’t eat gelato while we were broken up.” Using some grip strength, he digs the first spoonful out.

“Oh my gosh, Damia.” It’d been so long since you’d last felt butterflies. (Which you’d never outright attribute partially to him speaking in the past tense). Technically you were still broken up, but it didn’t feel like it. This was some uncomfortable in between, a limbo. However, Damiano didn’t call you broken up to his band mates, even though that label had definitely been put on your relationship in a mutual decision.

“What's that face?” he passes you a spoonful. The handle is warm from his grip.

“You didn’t tell anyone we were broken up, did you?” He can see from your smile that you aren’t upset, which just makes him bashful. It's a rare occurrence to see Damiano David bashful. “Hah! You’re adorable.” He stares at his shoes while you enjoy the first taste of gelato. “Mister megastardom is blushing.”

“No, I’m not blushing. Shut up,” he grins. “And I may have, possibly…um, avoided using that particular label as much as possible. So yeah, I have said it, but I’ve also avoided it, to be honest. Vic has gotten good at hiding the visible pity in her expression, but Thomas especially has a ways to go.” You pry a spoonful out of the container and feed it to Dami. He stands between your legs, hands resting just above your knees.

“I propose that we are officially not broken up.”

“So then we are…”

“Not broken up.”

“Okay…” His tone is unsure, but he allows one of those precious smiles that reveal his gums and offers another up more gelato. “So are we friends?” As it melts in your mouth, you contemplate the requirements for friendship. It became too painful to continue relationships with a couple of my friends who were super into the club scene and bordering on substance abuse. But Dami was sober.

“Or no? Needing to allocate all my focus to staying sober and repairing my mistakes may not make me a very good friend.” He’s self aware and gracious which makes the decision harder. You scoop the gelato with so much gusto that it nearly ends on the floor.

“But consciousness about substance misuse and commitment to repairing relationships are really vital to my friendships right now.” You raise another spoonful to his lips. This time it takes Damiano a second to accept it. “So I don’t know, but it's really important that I do know.”

“Hey.” In a comforting gesture, Dami slides his hands up your thighs and leans in to make more meaningful eye contact. “I don’t want to exhaust you with this, sweetheart. I –” his self-awareness kicks in and he takes a step back, hands purposefully occupying themselves with the spoon and container. “We are roommates and you’ve already told me, in detail, your boundaries on that.”

“On your sobriety! There aren’t supposed to be hard rules in relationships!” You're exasperated and Damiano isn’t offended. Instead, he taps your lip with the spoon as a reminder to open your mouth.

“We are intentionally repairing our bond to work towards a relationship.” You nod and take a deep breath, feeling calmer. The gelato is beginning to melt, runny around the edges. If it overflows the container will never get un-sticky.

“You should put that in the freezer.” He sighs and stops meeting your eyes. The top of the container is stiff. Damiano carelessly tosses the shared spoon into the sink and the metallic sound is so loud that it makes you jump. He spins around right away with an anxious expression.

“Sorry, sorry! That wasn’t intentional, I’m just not used to having a metal sink. It’s basically always filled with water for doing dishes. I wasn’t tryna be intimidating or some bullshit. I’m sorry. I –” whispering to himself, Dami says “what the fuck is wrong with you” He clips Princess back onto her leash and loops it over the knob on a cupboard.

“That wasn’t me trying to change the subject, Damia. I got yelled at so many times for letting the gelato melt that it's like a Pavlovian response.”

“Okay.” He relaxes his shoulders, resuming his previous stance.

“Okay,” you repeat with a small smile.

“We know how to do right by each other and we’re on the same page. You’ve updated your boundaries. As far as I know, mine are the same. I’m sure shit will come up, but we’re good at communicating.” Unexpectedly, serenity washes over you at once again reaching cohesion. It was a familiar sensation with Dami, to be grounded in the presence of each other. He takes a deep breath in as well.

“Nesting partners. It’s a label I’ve learned, but I know you’re not big into terminology.”

“No, tell me what it means.”

“It's the companion you live with. Not necessarily your primary.”

“Sounds like something from a documentary about birds.”

“It does,” you laugh. “Anyways, if you wanted a word for us, that’d be it.”

“Are you asking me to be your nesting partner?” Subconsciously, he leans forward out of excitement, hands sliding halfway up your thighs.

“And you’re willing to have David Attenborough narrate your every shit for National Geographic broadcasting?”

“Totally.” You suppress the urge to kiss Dami and instead pointedly look down at his hands, now creeping towards your hips.

“Well, then…”

“Shit, sorry. Sorry.” He stands upright, tries to put his hands in his pockets, then realizes these pants don’t actually have pockets. “I wasn’t trying to make a move or – I mean, I wasn’t thinking about it. I’m just really used to touching you.” Cue heartbeat skip.

“Trust me, I get it. Like when –”

The moment is interrupted by movement just outside of the kitchen. You push Damiano back by a hand in the center of his chest so things weren’t so intimate.

“Ah, there you are! Hiding from me!”

“I wasn’t hiding,” Dami defends, in a way you recognize as bluffing. A staff member, this time dressed in slacks and a wrinkled, blue button-up, walks into the kitchen. He’s amused, not frustrated, which is a small mercy. Maybe Dami doesn’t realize how close your bodies are, maybe he likes it, but you can’t get off the counter without running into him.

“Sorry, I’ll go.” You push him back again, and this time he finally heeds your request.

“Don’t worry about it. It's just behavioral therapy,” he murmurs, as you adjust your trousers self-consciously.

“Sounds pretty fucking important for an addict.”

“I would have to agree with y/n. I’m Dr. Rossi. I haven’t spoken with you personally, but I’ve heard so much about you from everyone.” He clasps his hands and looks at Dami expectantly.

“Right, so they’ll have my purse and stuff at the front desk. So I’ll just –”

“How late am I?”

“13 minutes,” he replies, looking at his expensive watch with a flourish.

“Eh, damage is done. Let me walk you out.” Dr. Rossi nods curtly, gesturing at you to go forth first. Ignoring this, Dami takes his time grabbing Princess’ leash in one hand and yours in the other.

“What do you mean ‘damage done?’”.

“They write me up if I’m more than 5 minutes late. Then there’s a worse penalty at 10 minutes. At 20 it doesn’t count and I get billed for a missed session. Plus they scowl at me for a couple days.”

“Damia,” you groan. He shrugs and nods hello to someone else walking a snow white cat on a neon green leash.

“That's Yeti. He’s a dog inside a feline’s body, plays fetch.”

“Okay, well thats fucking adorable, but you’re not gonna distract me from blowing off your therapist.” He sighs heavily as you reach the doors.

“It's one appointment. Everything here is scheduled. I get the purpose, but I feel claustrophobic. You make me feel the opposite of that. Plus, even with visitor privileges, I’m only guaranteed one half hour slot every two weeks.”

“Oh, your parents.”

“Uh, no. My mom can adequately berate me over the phone. I just fucking miss you and your energy.”

“But your dad…”

“She has him by the balls.” Damiano tries to shove his hands in his pockets again and looks at the floor. Sensing his stress, Princess sits on his shoe and gazes upwards. Only one of them feels like a caged animal and ironically it's not the one on the leash.

“Maybe I can talk to them?” He shakes his head, looking off to the side now instead of meeting your eyes. It was such an obvious tell.

“I don’t want you to spend your time doing that. In a way, I was the golden boy until this. I don’t know how she’s gonna react and I don’t want your feelings hurt on my account.” You momentarily consider proposing speaking to Damiano’s father, then realize that might feel like a betrayal to Andrea.

“It’s just a matter of time?”

“Yeah,” he agrees softly, pursing his lips.

“She’ll change her mind once you’ve been sober for a while,” you reassure, not knowing if it's true. He finally meets your gaze, cocking his head to the side, seeing straight through your empty platitude. Lost for words, you hug Dami, careful not to step on Princess’ paws. She seems content at the sight of her parents embracing. Or maybe you’re just deflecting your own emotions.

Three months ago you’d have called bullshit at anyone claiming Damiano would be setting a sobriety record, that being wrapped in his arms would feel so right and organic. You savor his smell and relax with an exhale as his hug tightens. For some reason the intrusive thoughts always bubbled up at greetings and farewells. The day's emotion, however positive, would probably result in nightmares tonight.

“I’m alive. I’m okay. I’m in love with you,” he murmurs, as if reading your mind.

“Ditto.”

“You don’t need to be okay.” Finally, amidst all the terror around Dami’s health, you ask yourself the question. Am I okay? Nightmares, severe and occasionally uncontrollable anxiety, mental stress from lacking a dom, general stress because of Damiano. A job that was supposed to be fulfilling, but made you too feel like a polar bear in a gray, plastic enclosure.

“What is it,” he murmurs.

“Shit, I don’t know if I’m okay,” you choke. The wave of emotion is so unexpected that it feels like getting jumped.

“I’m going to take care of you. It's a relief to have the opportunity to take care of you.” The inner peace from earlier is harder to access than you like. Maybe you’d have to ration it.

“I’m gonna leave before I turn into a mess again,” you speak into the fabric of his tank top. Princess cocks her head to the side, and you miss her persistent little presence with a pang in your gut. You pull away and squat down to bid her farewell, stroking between her ears.

“I’ll see you soon, Sassy Pants.” As you straighten up, it's obvious Damiano is deeply conflicted. “I don’t want to let you leave like this. I want to make it all better.”

“It is better. It’s not perfect.” You stroke his face, then his hair. It’s at awkward length, spiking up at random angles. This touch prompts Dami to rub his head self-consciously.

“It looks like shit.”

“It looks fine. You look good.” That, at least, earns a smile. It’s a better note to end on, so you decide to make your exit. Nervously slipping out was certainly easier than a ceremonious goodbye like this.

“I’m gonna go before you get a missed appointment fee.”

“Fuck the fee,” he responds ardently. You can feel the mood swing coming, but the volatility of his emotions makes them hard to read. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Damia,” you whine, heart clenching.

“Sorry, that was unnecessary. Drive safe.” He bows his head to avoid your eyes. Wanting to make the leaving a little sweeter, you peck his cheek.

“Bye Princess.” Less than a month and you won’t have to fight the urge to look back, because you’ll be walking out together. No more Orpheus and Eurydice. This is what ultimately sustains you as the heavy maple door falls shut. The sky – clear when you entered the building – is now plagued with clouds.

Notes: Whew! The longest chapter yet and we sure covered a lot of ground with these two. Cutting it pretty close posting this late in the day, but I made it. I got distracted by giving my taglist a makeover and quite probably making it worse. Oh well.

- XOXO, Eden

Get on my taglist! (hard edition)

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silvershiningtarot · 11 months

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PAC18+:🍨✨Channeled Message From Your True Love & Karmic Lover❤️

This is a channeled message from your true love and karmic partners. Take what resonates and what doesn't. Remember this is a general reading💕💕. Enjoy this reading. Most of those piles from your partners are advice for you.

Paid Readings

Hey, you, I know I haven't been talking to you for a minute, because I have been focusing on my bullshit. I hope you are doing the same thing with yours. I can see that you've been writing some stuff down about our future. So am I. I can feel your energy. I am searching for it in everyone else even girls I've been going on dates on. I realized something yesterday about some bullshit ass friends and family. I've attached myself to these fake ass friends because I keep forgiving them. So I still have a lot more karmic shit to deal with. Sorry for keep delaying our connection. I know that you've been working and keeping up with your finances. I know how you feel. I was in your shoes before. I feel that someone had stolen something from me. I don't know who but I'll figure it out. If you need any help! Let me know. I don't like it if you are struggling. Our connection is part of the universe. You and I shared a past life before. I am your friend that came down here to help you out. Whatever struggle you going through I am here. Call out my name. I can feel that you are the most important person in my life. I can feel the love between us, even when we are apart from each other. Make sure to keep writing your list down. I hope I am everything on that list. I wanna tell you something, I am shame of the choices I've made in life. If I tell you that you won't look at me the same again. I've been working on myself. Left to right I've been stuck in the middle. I've attached myself to people's bullshit drama. I can't help it. I love to help other people. Now my question is to you? Are you eating right? How are you feeling? It's okay to feel those emotions whatever you are feeling. Feel it. I used to be the same way. Blocking those emotions. I was so afraid of being vulnerable. Now I am a fucking crybaby. When I was younger, I have been manifesting someone like you in life. I feel that I lost you. I can feel my soul searching for you. You are such a boss-ass woman/man. Can you notice that? I can see it. Even though I can't see it physically but I can see it when I dream about you. I remember when I was younger I used to watch a lot of Disney movies. My family used to make fun of me because of that. But I didn't care I mean don't get me wrong it hurt but I still watch it. So again. Whatever you are dreaming about or writing down it better be me. Because that's what I'm doing. I pray to the stars when I'm thinking about you. When I look up at the moon, I see your beautiful face. You have a beautiful face, energy, etc. I don't like it when you cry 😭 because it makes me cry. I've been seeing a psychic about you. She says some pretty weird 😕 things about you. I've gotten scared about it. Sorry for my delaying our connection with you. Maybe this is my desire talking. But I fucking want you! I wanna meet you right now! I wanna feel your energy around me. I don't want to feel other people's energies anymore. I am getting fucking frustrated 😫. It is bothering the fuck out of my soul. I feel uncomfortable talking to people about my fucking problems if they ain't hearing me. I am sorry for yelling. But this is how I feel. Ain't you ready to meet me? Because I am. I don't care if you got karma with other people we will deal with it together. Ugh!!! Forgive me my darling. I am just scared about the timing and everything. My doubts come to me saying that I'll never meet you. That would be fucked up of me to say wait. Anyways, I love you so much. Ughhhhhhh!! See! I am feeling the water in my eyes right now. Because I wanna cry. I am tired of messing around with other women or talking to other women. I just wanna talk to you and you ONLY!!!

My precious cupcake 🧁, I know what you've been feeling. Our energies transfer to each other🥹. You know how I feel and I know how you feel. I know you are getting tired of waiting for me. For our connection. You wanted it to happen right now. I get you, my love. Everything takes patience. I think that you should go after what you want. Don't think about anything else. Just do it. I mean be smart. We have a telepathic connection. We have conversations with each other. You might think that shit is stupid or corny or whatever but it ain't. I like talking to you. Even though we are far away from each other. We still like right there with each other. If that makes sense. I've been meditating and isolating myself away from people. Because of those types of bad energies, I won't do that to myself. In that area. I climb out of a dark hole. I won't put myself back in there again. You shouldn't either. I've seen the way how you've been moving lately. It's good 🌟 but I can see you falling back into that bad habit. I'm telling you I noticed it because I am noticing it in myself. I feel that you should isolate yourself, away from people because they are not for you. I know you have a lesson you need to learn from these people. So do I. But don't let anyone try to fucked up your peace of mind. Because that person ain't worth it. Maybe I'm deflecting. Nah! Haha 😂 I am just giving you advice. My precious darling. I've been seeing you grow so tremendously. I love every inch of you. Watching you grow helps me grow. I've bet if I was the type of man/woman then I was before tell me the truth you wouldn't want me. Not at all you wouldn't. The choices I've made. Made me the man I am today. I realize my mistakes and actions. I told myself that shit wouldn't fly today. Because I am in a different head space now. Figuring out my peace and my sanctuary. I am sorry for deflecting. See! I'll take accountability for my shit. But still, take my advice. As your husband regardless of what label I am to you. I am still your husband/wife. Because I am confident that you are my wife one day to be. Let me boost your confidence real quick. Do you know how amazing you are? Do you? Your light is so bright it burns the shit out of people’s eyes. You are the best 🌟 beautiful woman/man in the world. The way you sing, move, dance and talk is fucking amazing. You have such a gift. The universe speaks to me when I meditate. I daydream about you all the time. I dream about you. 💘💘🌟💋Your my cupid. You shoot your arrow into my heart ❤️. I fell deeply in love with you. Yes, I don't know you but I know of you. If that makes sense. I know I keep giving you advice because I love helping you out! But you should try meditation with me. Whenever you're ready. Do it. Speak to the universe while you are meditating. Even if you don't believe in us. I say give it a try. What's worth the risk? I have a mental issue, sort of people say I do but oh okay. I am fucked up in the mind. I'm honest about that. That's why I try different outlets to help me. My ancestors speak to me about you. Calling on you. Do you hear me calling? Hear me, please. I got you. No matter what.

I’ve seen you in my dreams before. But damn for the life of me, I can’t remember your face when I wake up in the morning. But I can’t ever forget the way you make me feel in those dreams when I wake up in the morning. My dick stands up. The way you make me feel, I fucking wanna pull you out of my dreams. Like what they did in the movie Nightmare on Elm Street. But that’s how life works I guess. I’m being impatient. I want you here with me and forever. I search for you every single day. I never stop. Maybe you don’t see me. But I am right in front of your face, you don’t even recognize me. You push me away. Like I don’t exist. That’s hurt my feelings when you do that. But I like you a lot. You know who I am, what I do. We've talked before many and plenty of times. But I just think you don't feel the same way about me. Can I ask you something? Am I wasting my time? Because I promise I won't waste your time. Your face, time, and energy are too important to me. I think that I can be your true love. If you give me a chance. I believe in love. The way you make me feel, it's like no other person I ever felt this way about. I dream about you, manifest you, and sort of been writing to me. You may not know who I am personally. But I am me. If you give me a chance let you experience me. I am one in a million. You're like my Willy Wonda. I am your Golden Ticket 🎫. I'll try my hardest best to not make you cry, or make you feel that I remind you of someone. That'll never happen. You are my wish fulfillment🧑🏾‍❤️‍💋‍🧑🏾. I bet we have so much in common. I think that we do. Are you some type of psychic? Or whatever you do your aura pulls me closer to you. I tried to walk away from you but it seems like I can't. You're fucking everywhere. That's not a bad thing for me. I got you back. If you call on me. I'll do anything for you. You know that right? You are the key to my heart. Don't be surprised when I come knocking on your door. You'll be shocked to see who I am. Just don't run away from me. Please, don't. I'll hate being rejected by you. Everyone else do it to me. I just hope you don't. Sure I ain't the best-looking type but for damn sure I am hell worth it. If you give me a chance. Will you, my darling? I miss talking to you and I miss seeing you in my dreams. Come back to me. Please, I won't let you down. Like these other people did to you. Give us a chance.

🥹Yesterday, I saw something so gorgeous yesterday. You want to know what that was. It was your beautiful smile. Do you know that you have a beautiful smile? I mean fucking drop-dead gorgeous smile. I fucking love it. That's what made my day. A beautiful smile. I wish people can see that. But I don't care I'm selfish. Keep that smile for me then... Hahaha 😂😂. I do be making myself laugh so fucking hard sometimes. I wish I can share my jokes. But you might think it's corny or you probably won’t get the joke. Hey! Do you like nature? Or are you allergic to nature? One day we should go hiking. Just you and me together. Nobody else but us. One day you get off from work or we don't go to work and we can just camp in nature. Too much lack of communication in this world. Don't you agree? It's not much face-to-face communication when I was growing up. Now it's I'll send you a message across the room. Like Boo! That's so lame to me. I will sometimes be on my phone when I'm bored. That's all technology is to me. Boredom. I want to have a real ass conversation. Sorry for being all preachy. I am a babbler. Haha. I fucking love to laugh. You gotta laugh today. Make sure you laugh today nothing but laughter. If anyone tries to ruin your laughter. Tell them that I say go suck it! Seriously suck it!! 😂😂😂😂. Once we both enter each other's lives. My mission is to make you happy and laugh a lot. Because I don't like bad energy. Sad-ass moods. I am such an optimistic person once you get to know me. I've been through hella darkness in my life. I'm a calmer person now. I can see that you are too. Well trying to be. But I love it either way. My advice to you is. Don't get swiped up by other people's bullshit ass aura. Because it makes you dark too. Have you noticed that? When you are around other people's energy who isn't happy? You start feeling down. Yeah! Whenever you are feeling that way! I don't give a fuck if it's social media people, friends, family, or people on here. Remove yourself away from that. Because all you gonna do is get yourself caught up with their nonsense and it has nothing to do with you. I mean nothing. So again! I'm talking to you, my sweetheart. My gift to you for now! That is my advice. And please take it. I don't say shit just to say it. I mean it. So love ya! Remember what I said laughter! Laugh all day every day!! 😂😂😂😂Laughing helps the soul. 💋💋Sweet dreams my darling. I'll give our future a big hug 🤗.

Yay 👏🏾, I heard that you did well! Did you get a promotion? I sure did! I'm so happy for you. I am sorry I haven't talked to you. Because I've been working on myself. Healing myself. Dealing with all these karmic debts with these co-workers and my family. My family has been fucking with me. They have been spreading a lot of bad rumors about me. I've been trying to exit myself away from that shit. Telling me how to run my own business. But I've been isolating myself away from that nonsense. I just couldn't take it anymore. My ex-friend doesn't talk to me anymore. Cut me off. A lot of people who I so-called my family I had to cut them off. Because a lot of money, things and important items have been stolen from me. I had lost a lot of money. I haven't been eating well. Enough about me! Don't feel bad for me btw! I got this shit handle. Don't worry about me either my love. I hope that you've been putting yourself first. I know that you've been feeling stressed out lately. But baby girl, I just wanted to tell you this. The stronger you get the better. Cross out those bad people, and families who don't wish you well. If those are the people who don't wish you well. Then they need to be out of your life. But how are you? How are you feeling? Did you eat today? Did you get your strength up? I hope you weren't procrastinating. Get your ass up and move around. You are too good for this bullshit ass life. Because what am I about to give you can't match up to what you are doing now. I know this is going to sound very weird to you. But I love that body. You've been working out lately, haven't you? Goddess body! Yes, I have a song for you. Maybe you should whine your body for me. Work it! When you wake up in the morning. I want you to hug yourself. Hold yourself tight for a minute. You'll see why. Then ask yourself how you do you feel. When you hug yourself. Anyways I am sorry I have to make this short. But I love you, I know we have our karmic debts to deal with. But let's enjoy ourselves. We'll deal with our debts when we are married. Is that a deal? Sounds like a deal to me. I'm getting tired. Feel my kisses in your dreams and when you are waking up. Remember to smile. Alright, gotta go. If I don't I'm gonna keep talking to you. See! Here I go again. Haha 😂 love you so much. My precious diamond. Keep on shining ✨. Remember your light. You are light 💡.

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luckyshotwrites · 5 months

Text

Ch. 94 // Weren't You Happy? // Day 68

Contents (Warnings): Happy? (Angst, slight blood mention, character and monster info as always). Read full chapter on A03

Wordcount: 3,000+

Song I correlate to this Chapter: None Yet

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(Current Day)

Drake

His thoughts that went on all night were interrupted by Lynette stirring awake. Her sound quickened realizing that everything that had happened wasn't a dream and she was trapped with him in a cell. There was little to no light within—Drake could only see because of his species.

He wouldn't suppose she could.

"D-drake." Her shaken voice called for reassurance, looking in his direction but too afraid to physically reach out for it.

He hadn't moved his back from the corner. "Yeah..." The ease of her relief did nothing to calm his nerves.

His anger festered and bubbled like flesh in frying oil. I should have fought like hell. I should have died trying to do something. Drake gave in for her sake more than his.

Lynette was innocent.

"Are you still hurt?"

"Physically, no." He felt the words expelling from his mouth. "I let this maniac catch us. He somehow was able to perfectly imitate Ace, and now I'm stuck as his damn merchandise, and he's keeping you here as a hostage and for me to drink from. This whole situation is-" Drake wanted to yell. "If I ever get the fucking chance, I'm going to rip his smug head from his body."

When Lynette's heart rate spiked, he noticed the guttural growl in his vocal cords. He wasn't going to apologize for what he said. He meant it.

It created silence between them. Usually, it was something Drake enjoyed. At the moment, it felt heavier, like his torn clothes, hair, limbs, and even the air pulled him to the ground.

"I'm just glad you're not alone," Lynette said. His ears felt the honesty past her fear.

Drake winced—he thought the same. "You shouldn't have gotten involved."

"Neither should you have."

Yet I did.

An encroaching heartbeat made his fangs tense together. It's that girl. He heard Victoria through the others whom he listened to all night.

It made Andras's words flood his mind.

"However, starting tomorrow, you and your battery will be getting your work cut out for you. I expect you to have at least five to ten clients daily." [...] "Until you make up for all that precious time I lost not having you."

I can't do that. I'll go insane. It's only midnight. Drake masked his panic with anger. His eyes darted across the room to Lynette. He barely pulled back yesterday. He couldn't imagine it being a repetitive cycle.

"If either of you," Victoria said with a slight irritation, "move in a way I don't like, I'm covering your 'home' in fire." She gestured to the cells she stepped in front of it. "And I only think one of you guys will survive being a crisp."

He could feel Lynette's frustration. They both remained still as Victoria opened the gates and walked in. Drake contained his reflexes. He knew Andras had little purpose for Lynette, so Victoria's threat wasn't a bluff.

Her boots thumped with each step.

"Turn around." She ordered.

He did so.

She roughly snapped them shut and made sure he was held with his arms behind himself. He pulled at the dampeners, much like their cell. They drained the user of energy when they used magic.

Given my defect, I'll probably be close to dying, if not dead.

"Open your mouth." She instructed next.

Drake hesitated. He didn't want to feel the metal tendrils dig and squirm inside his mouth and throat again. Damn it. She moved the slightly luminescent metal piece closer.

"That hurts him," Lynette whispered.

Don't be stupid. Drake knew she'd move. It was something he knew Lynette shared with a particular friend of his. The need to meddle.

"LYNETTE." Drake snarled viciously.

Victoria didn't seem to care since Lynette's movement was stopped.

She put the item to Drake, and it activated. It broke into the tendrils and wrapped around the inside, clinging and tearing anything it could: teeth, flesh, even in the back of his throat. It barely left him enough room to breathe.

Victoria then flipped him around and made him march out of the cage, leaving the cell and Lynette behind.

...

His mind tugged back and forth between his yearning for blood and logical thought—his instincts were winning.

The promise of clarity after drinking blood tempted him as his energy dipped dangerously toward less functional levels. He balanced on the cusp of going rabid and making anyone his meal if he could.

Until he was brought into the office.

Andras sat on the front of his desk, facing the door where Drake entered. He seemed to be reading over some odd book missing its cover.

As he glanced up, Andras put down his book and approached Drake. "You look in a lot better shape than before. Glad to see you're playing your role better."

Drake's muscles started to flex with anticipation to end him.

Andras put his hand up and out to Drake's face. He got the part of the bar that had forced his jaw open and tore it out, tendrils and all.

His bloody mouth soon healed, and he stared at Andras as it did. The tendrils shook themselves off and returned to the shape of a bar. "Since Drake has another client in two hours, why don't you go downstairs and get-" He scanned over Terrance, who still held Drake's arms. "On second thought, can you retrieve Zetsu to do it instead? He should be assisting a client a few doors down."

Terrance let Drake go, leaving him alone in the room with Andras.

"I hope one of these days I don't forget that Terrance eats humans," Andras muttered.

Without sparing another moment, Drake twisted his head and pushed himself to Andras so he could bite into him.

...

Lynette

It wasn't a time for self-pity.

Not that I could focus on that. My mind was too busy running what happened hours ago, like reruns of a Christmas special. He couldn't have...he didn't even think twice.

I perked up at every noise and little shuffle. I assumed it might be someone bringing Drake back.

I can't even remember what happened when he attacked me. The whole thing seemed to blur when I tried to think about it.

I hope they bring him back.

I didn't want to imagine Andras eating Drake the same way. He went through all that effort. He wouldn't kill Drake just like that. I chose to believe that.

The faint ding from the elevator caught my attention. I used the wall to bring myself up. What's the point of getting up? I still did so.

I can't do anything. This is different than with Claudia. I'm not going to get lucky for being reckless.

I softly took another breath and heard a voice beyond the bars.

"I'm sorry."

That's not Drake, Andras, or Victoria. Their sound was far too timid, almost like they held tears welling up in their eyes.

"Zetsu?"

I didn't receive a response right away, just the creak of the cell door. "Andras sent me to get you," he muttered.

"You don't sound like you want to do this," I replied. I followed his blob in the darkness. I couldn't fully discern it.

He struggled to speak. "You seem nice."

I can't imagine how he feels. "And you don't seem bad either." Should I really think like this? He's working for them or was somehow.

He approached. I kept myself in place. He stood over me, and his fingers gently touched my shoulder. He was guiding me out of the cell. We walked down the corridor amidst murmurs from the others trapped in theirs.

"I don't know what I want. I wanted to be free of him for so long. I thought it'd make me free..." His fingers dug slightly into my shoulder. I flinched. "I didn't even want Osiris to die. I just wanted him to stop."

All I knew was that Osiris worked with Andras to do this. There were undoubtedly countless others that Osiris might have tricked or forced into doing what he wanted.

'I just wanted him to stop.' What he said reintroduced a painful memory. "You didn't do it to him. Andras did." I said, through hurt breathes. It had been so many years, and my guilt, though settled, never truly left.

"I should have died, not him."

"No." I said sharply. I grabbed his hand. I don't know what he's done. Whether he's good or bad. He might be manipulating me. We're in trouble, so why do I care.

We neared the elevator. He wouldn't gain anything by saying this. Andras has us both.

"You should find a way to leave," I said when we reached the elevator doors. It's what I wanted. I wanted to leave safe and sound with Drake. Yet...I can't leave these people down here. If we did escape, he'd relocate, right? Would they be able to find them? I can't even call Wicks. Can Wicks even find me? I didn't want him to. I don't want him to die trying to help me.

Zetsu stirred me from my thoughts. "I can't." He put his hand on my back again.

The elevator door opened and blinded me. It was as if I were engaged in a staring match with the sun. It took thirty more seconds for my eyes to fully readjust, and I saw my reflection staring back at me. My clothes were slightly bloodied near my neck, my hair a frizzled mess of curls, and my face was dirtied from being on the ground.

It'll only get worse.

I attempted to fix what I could and glanced at the looming, scared figure. "You have more of a chance than me." The honesty tasted bitter. "Take it."

His stared at the floor, his words left without emotion. "I don't have enough power to leave alone."

...

Drake

He couldn't buck Andras off. The dealer sat on his back like he was a bench. He couldn't do anything but argue, until his senses made him tune in on the heartbeat, hers. It came closer, rising from the elevator shaft toward them.

And then his eyes locked onto her, he could feel his body pull toward her. He also saw Lynette react as well, unlike his initial eyes that never left her, she went out toward them.

Andras leaned forward, "don't worry, he's fine." Andras's hand patted Drake's head. "Don't be so hostile, you did this to yourself."

Drake snapped his head back and Andras smiled, "Get the hell off me."

"You don't want her to know do you?"

"That you made me believe in your lies?!" Drake painfully twisted his wrists, he wanted to break out form his shackles.

Andras worked up a chuckle, "those 'lies' made you happy though, didn't they?" He said. "You wanted to be be looked at like everyone else." He moved his hand by Drake's mouth, he snapped at it, Andras moved it away in time.

"But they only looked at you with pity. Poor Poor little flawless."

He struggled profusely and it made Andras leap up.

"I gave you a way out of that, one that you loved, remember?"

"SHUT UP!" Drake stumbled up to his feet, his cuffs kept his arms locked.

His focus wanted to drift, he sickeningly didn't let it. He refused to be part of this game. His own heart beat like it had been bruised. "I wasn't happy at all!" He shouted, less confidently, at the time he knew he was.

"You were," Andras took his chance to tease. He approached Drake, slowly. "So happy in fact you wanted my help to cut the only tie holding you back."

His vocal cords twinged and tightened. They wouldn't let him hum out a single word. He exhaled in response, his lips trembled before they pushed into one another.

Everything was quiet. The eyes fell on him. Their piercing gaze choked him and it sent him into a frantic haze.

He had forgotten why he held himself back.

He launched himself at Andras. He was powerless. His best idea was to smash his head into the dealer. At least to shut him up.

Andras moved his head to the side, and threw his hand up. It caught Drake's forehead and eyes. Andras made sure Drake's ear was at his lips.

"Wipe that guilt from your face," Andras snickered, "I can tell you still hate him, don't you?"

Andras curled his fingers tighter around Drake's face before he could answer. It felt like a clamp. Is he using enhancements? His eyes weren't glowing again.

"I missed your tenacity," he said, "so how about this. If you answer me honestly, we can work as a team again."

Fuck you. Drake wanted to say as his energy was being syphoned.

Andras's tone pulled Drake's ear, "all you have to do is tell me, Drake. Do you still want to kill, Alexander?"

...

Hey, you, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad I put out a story that people can enjoy! I hope you continue to enjoy it as WE have a LOT more to go! YOU BETTER KEEP PROSPERING! (Nonnegotiable, as always~).

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