#the poem on the page adjacent to this one has a note from me that just reads 'wilmon.'
Note
🦜🐤
hi nymph!! :)
🦜 a pretty quote
He didn't mention how it was the only message Nathaniel had sent all week. He didn't mention how Nathaniel hadn't responded to anything Andrew had asked. He didn't mention the way that one word had torn through his chest.
here is a quote from chapter 12 of (why is there) joy in this poison :3 i will die with the rule of three gripped tightly in my hands
🐤 a mystery quote
not technically a quote as much as it is a note, but i am working on a story that will probably be a lot more involved than anything i've ever written before, and this is from my researching/studying for that!
[the poem is from LVOE. by Atticus]
im already very excited to work on this story :)
[ WIP bird game ]
#i have talked about atticus before. i literally have a fic named LVOE. because of this same poetry book skdhfshkdf#the poem on the page adjacent to this one has a note from me that just reads 'wilmon.'#but i LOVE his poems#i also have so many of these sticky notes hanging out in several of my poetry books and that number is only going to grow from here lmao#i AM also looking for poems so i say again: if you have any poems you love please share them with me :) im collecting#anywho#im probably going to try to finish this fic BEFORE i start posting so it'll be a long while before it's ever published#but <3#it'll likely be a backburner passion project#i also attempted to add alt text for the image so hopefully that turned out ok#(wit)jitp#fun fact! that quote comes from a section that was originally going to be the end of chapter 11 until i decided to be less of an asshole!!!#askers#ask game#nymphoutofwater#shh ac
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Bill Orcutt — Music for Four Guitars (Palilalia)
Music For Four Guitars by Bill Orcutt
Whether through confrontation or deconstruction or noisy exploration, Bill Orcutt’s music cuts, or wrestles, song structure to its essence. But Music for Four Guitars slices more cleanly than most.
On the one end of the Orcutt spectrum is the wild, menacing abandon of Harry Pussy; Adjacent, if totally different in execution, is his mesmerizingly irritating 2021 solo digital piece, A Mechanical Joey. Elsewhere (here I must abandon the idea of straight lines) are Orcutt’s nearly unrecognizable renderings of some of the best-known entries to the Great American Songbook. And then there are his improvisational outings, both on his own and with longtime collaborators such as Chris Corsano: For 2021’s long distance collaboration Made Out of Sound, Orcutt improvised over Corsano’s recordings, piecing together a lovely slow-motion rock-tumbler of guitar and drums.
Music for Four Guitars has been in the works, as a piece of music, since 2015, and was originally meant to be performed by four guitarists. On this record all four parts are played by Orcutt. The chance to hear his recognizably frenzied, blown-out guitar tone times four is our good fortune. Should you care to launch your own guitar quartet, an 80-page score transcribed by Shane Parish is available via download. (Don’t worry if you lack the chops: the record will be performed live by Orcutt, Parish, Ava Mendoza and Wendy Eisenberg next year at Big Ears Festival).
Orcutt has said that he is built for a certain kind of cyclical rhythm, which Music for Four Guitars offers in large supply. He told the Guardian in 2013 that, via this rhythm, he felt a kinship with Gertrude Stein: "The way that she wrote," he said, “it's not repetition, but repeating something with variations, with these tight loops. … I know this sound because it's in my head all the time.”
Here the track titles, read together, form a kind of poem, in a style not dissimilar to that of Stein. If the listener/reader is playing along, their awareness will shift from “In profile” to “Seen from above” to “On the horizon,” and so on. But perhaps it’s best not to overthink the titles, though they fit the musical pieces, which are likewise brief and relatively accessible, and more complex than they might seem.
In a recent Substack post about the philosopher and mystic Simone Weil, poet Emmalea Russo wrote of “the dreariness of not looking down, of not looking up, of gorging on culture and forgetting what lights it up.”
Music for Four Guitars is both steeped in solar brightness and grounded in the dirt, but in its more baleful moments — see “Only at dusk,” a foreboding perpetual canon sliced through with a gorgeous ascending note — it reminds me of the complex, darkly-toned psalms I was drawn to as a child in church. We had no official choir, so parishioners sight-read their separate vocal parts from their hymnals.
Four Guitars is, to be clear, not worship music, unless you subscribe to a Weilian idea that music is an expression of pure attention, which therefore makes it a form of prayer. And, as Tom Carter argues in this record’s liner notes, Four Guitars is too indelicate to be considered chamber music, tempting as that classification may be. Of course, anyone as rooted in American music as Orcutt cannot help but brush up against the pew now and again, and American church music, like Orcutt, can be a real bruiser.
But as with church music, or choral music, Orcutt builds musical structures layer by layer, part by part. These compositions are sometimes jaggedly ecstatic – “Or head on” for one, leaps and lurches with joy. As in any congregation, sometimes a delighted, discordant, untrained voice rises in volume above the rest.
Margaret Welsh
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My Lover, Love Letter || kth.
Genre: angst, fluff, pining?? unrequited love for a hot sec? EXTRA cheesy
Summary: Being in love isn’t supposed to hurt so much, but you’d sooner roll over dead than confess to him. Your best friend. After a particularly rough break up, you decide to send Taehyung some additional love via love letters. What you weren’t expecting, however, was a letter back.
A/N: Not entirely proof read, so please excuse any inconsistencies lol
─────── ☽. ✧₊∘ ───────
“I just don’t know,” Taehyung sighs as he grabs his shoes from the company’s designated drawers. His name that’s scribbled onto a label is faded and worn, but he pays no mind as he slips his sneakers on. Frustration eats away at him, silently beckoning him closer. “How did I not see it coming? I’m so stupid like how could I not have seen--”
“--I don’t think anyone would’ve seen it coming.” Your voice lays low, uncertainty and concern bubbling up. “And I know what you’re thinking: No, this isn’t your fault. She cheated on you, and you’re doing the right thing, okay?”
Taehyung doesn’t look at you like you so desperately wished he would, but what else could you do? What else could you say? “...You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”
“Yeah, your best friend who knows that you deserve better. Besides,” you smile,” there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.” and oh how you wish you were a fish.
That night, your mind wandered to Taehyung’s predicament. He’s been your best friend for years and years on end, but along the lines somewhere, you’ve started to feel a little bit more than “just a friend.” It’s an ongoing pain, and you’ve known that for a while now. A breathy sigh escapes your lips as you glance down at your notebook. Minutes go by of you staring at nonsensical scribbles of lyrics and poems, ones you’ve written throughout the day. That’s it.
The next day you get to the recording studio a bit early, early enough that there’s no one else in sight and no one to see you with a crisp white envelope. Your footsteps echo throughout the empty hallway, and with each passing second, you become uneasier and uneasier. Is this a bad idea? Is it too much? What if he finds out? Will he find out?
You’ve been standing in front of his drawer for the past five minutes contemplating. It stares back at you the same way it did last night, piercing through your soul and convincing you to step closer. If anything, you’re doing this to be a good friend, right? Before you can mull over it any longer, you hear chatter at the end of the hall. You can’t even convince yourself that it’s a horrible idea anymore when you slip the note in and hurry off inside the studio. Minutes later, Namjoon walks in with Jungkook.
“Oh!” Namjoon breaks out into a small smile,” You startled me, y/n. What are you doing here so early?”
The question catches you off guard and has you scrambling for an excuse. “I uh… I couldn’t sleep? I have a lot on my mind, I guess.” You shrug and spin around in an office chair. You didn’t like the fact that you just lied to Namjoon, but it wasn’t necessarily a lie. It just… wasn’t the whole truth. “I got us coffee?”
Jungkook and Namjoon don’t catch on to your jittery attitude, too excited by the fact that you bought them drinks. They mumble out their thank-yous and go off on their way. They’ve been working on Jungkook’s new single, so it’s not that big of a surprise that they’re also here early. It’s the fact that usually you’re never here early, and it irks you every time they look your way.
A heavy pair of footsteps trudge through the hallway, and your breath catches in your throat. This is it, the moment of truth. You hurriedly get up to greet taehyung outside. For a moment you catch yourself; you’re like an overly excited puppy greeting their owner, it isn’t too obvious, right? Nevertheless, Taehyung didn’t seem to mind too much when you said hello. He slips his shoes off and opens the drawer.
He sees the letter.
You watch as his eyebrow quirks up a little and how he gingerly picks it up out of his box. “I didn’t know we get mail in our cubbies now.” He jokes halfheartedly. When he looks at you, you shrug and look as shocked as he is.
“Does it say who it’s from?” You ask aloud. Your heart pounds so loud in your ribcage you wonder if he can hear it too.
Taehyung turns the envelope over to examine the front and back. It’s a simple white envelope with a red heart sticker sealing it shut. “...It doesn’t. Huh,” he ponders,” that’s weird.”
You wander back to your desk, but you can see him holding the letter in his hands out of the corner of your eyes. He follows you, and to be quite honest, you feel like you're going to shit your pants. You’ve never done this before, and rightfully so, but you really wish he wouldn’t try to read it in front of you. He opens it carefully, his fingers slipping between the lid of the envelope and pulling out the letter you wrote. You swallow thickly,”....what does it say?”
He’s silent for a while, eyebrows furrowed and focused on the tiny piece of paper in front of him. His deep voice reads,
“Dear Taehyung,
I hope this letter finds you well. I’m scared, terrified even, as I write this. I heard that you were going through a rough time, and I thought to myself: it’s now or never, you know? I want you to know that I’m cheering for you!
You may not realize it now, but I promise you, good things are waiting for you. It’s not going to be easy, I know from personal experience that love hurts, but it’ll be okay :) I really like you, Kim Taehyung, so please cheer up! Your smile is really cute!! (´,,•ω•,,)♡
Love,
:) “
As per the singular acting class you took, you widen your eyes and pretend to be shocked. You gasp,” Taehyung, I think that’s a love letter?”
“...yeah?” He nods. Suddenly his throat is very dry, despite being very hydrated seconds ago. A smile crept up onto his lips as he gazes at the handwritten note. “Yeah, I think it is.”
The next couple of times were just small sticky notes all signed with a smiley face; encouraging words to give him some extra love. And it works. He’s happier when he reads them, and you’re happy when you write them.
The next time you give him a major note is on a whim. Written at 3 in the morning, where loneliness is felt and feelings are emptied out onto a page. You don’t even remember sealing it or sneaking out to slip it into his drawer for him to find. Eventually, the morning sun shines in your eyes, and your alarm is too loud for your liking. Grogginess envelopes you and pushes you out of bed, yelling at you to start your day, but five more minutes couldn’t hurt...
Taehyung’s contact buzzes on your phone, making your device shine brighter than it needs to be at this hour. You squint at the harsh light and unlock it.
Tae: ajsdjsjfdsljds
Tae: there’s another one
You: another what
Tae: Letter!!!!
You immediately sit upright in your bed. Wait, you actually went out last night? You look around frantically, trying to somehow prove to yourself that you didn’t. The jacket laying in the corner of your room taunts you: you did it again.
Hastily, you scramble out of bed. You’re wide awake now, eyes wide and crusty. You rack your brain for an appropriate response because leaving your best friend on read might be a little suspicious.
You: omggg
You: what does it say this time :0
You’re a little nauseous waiting for his response, but you throw on clothes and hope that you didn’t reveal too much about yourself.
Tae: “i miss you. i wish you’d look at me the same way i see you. Like my favorite color, or my favorite sweater, it’s always been you. You’re my favorite, but am i yours?”
Tae: they say other stuff too but that one hit deep yknow
It’s hitting you like an 18-wheeler, and everything you wrote comes back to you in waves. ugh, emo hours are meant to stay in 3 am, not shared with your crush via secret love letter.
You: woah that does hit different
You walk into the studio that day a little bit more paranoid than usual. Taehyung greets you, already starting his day with a smile stuck to his face. It’s softer today, one that comes with a huge sigh and big brain thoughts. You already know he’s going to ask you a question; which kind however is what you dreaded.
“Hey,” he starts off slow and unsure. A beat goes by, and he continues,” is it stupid to fall for my secret admirer?” The question comes out, loud and clear. You feel the wind is knocked out of your stomach, or is it your gut? You stare at Taehyung in shock; he’s in love with you? Well, obviously, he doesn’t know it’s you, but still--
You choke on the water you’re sipping and turn to face him. “You’re in love with.... the writer?” You’re trying really hard not to tremble in surprise, and he buys it.
“Yeah, I just wish I knew who they were..”
“--Woah, hold on,” you’ve officially thrown yourself into the deep end. “What if it’s someone you know? You could be crossing some sort of line here buddy.” You didn’t anticipate Taehyung falling for your love letters, so for him to now start reciprocating was a bit much. You had gotten comfy in the unrequited love section, and to ruin your friendship like this was going to be one hell of a rollercoaster.
“Ugh,” he grumbles. He drapes himself on an adjacent office chair and twirls around dramatically. “You’re right, but maybe things will change? All I know is that this person is writing me enough love letters to actually be my lover.
“and not to mention the fact that I love handwritten notes? Like come on, y/n,” He gives you a lopsided grin that makes you fall for him a little too much. “You know I’m a sucker for this crap. Whoever this is should just marry me right now. I’m ready to be an old fashioned, romantic poet writing, sonnet sweetheart for you darling!” He calls out to the open air.
You chuckle at this, a prime example of why you love Taehyung. His hair falls a little on the sides of his face as his shoulders shake in laughter. Your face is starting to feel warm, but you pay no attention to it. “Oh yeah, that’s totally gonna get them to reveal themselves.”
The next time you go to deliver him a letter, you find that there is already a sealed envelope in his drawer. Carefully, you pick up the letter with a wax seal holding it closed. To my Lover, it reads on the top left corner in Taehyung’s handwriting. A short barely-there laugh breathes out of your nose, and a smile finds its way to you. Of course he’d do something like this; something so out of the blue and unnecessary, yet so thoughtful and sweet.
You slip in your letter in exchange for his, and gingerly put it in your backpack to read later in the confines of your home.
[ ---I can’t sleep because I lie awake and think about you, did you know that? You could be anyone: my boss, the intern, the librarian, or even my best friend, and I’d still have no clue. Is our relationship really so fragile that we can’t meet in person? Or maybe, we always do?
Have you listened to my friend’s new single? It’s called “Still with You.” Please think of me when you hear it. “When will it be when I get to see you face to face? I’ll look you in the eye and say I missed you.”--- ]
It’s a small excerpt compared to the rest of the letter he’s written for you, but you can feel your heart beat faster in your chest. You find that your hands have already started writing a response.
A month goes by since you’ve started exchanging letters with Taehyung in secret, but today shit hits the fan. “y/n?”
You’re in your kitchen fixing up some snacks for movie night when Taehyung calls out to you. “yeah?” you respond.
“Why do you have this?” He comes around the corner, holding up a letter that was once sealed with a wax stamp. You freeze.
“--Why the fuck do you have all of my letters?” At this point he’s face to face with you, a pain etched into the soft features that silently cry out. You’re silent, the pop tarts in the toaster long forgotten.
Your eyes paint him like a movie; a film that you’d never get to see again. Everything is blurry except for the old letter and tears that fall to the ground. Love hurts, but never this much before. You clutch your chest— lungs aching for the sweet relief of fresh air. “Taehyung, I didn’t... It’s not—“
“Is this some kind of sick, twisted joke to you?” His voice reverberates in the kitchen. Dark, deep, bitter, like the coffee you used to drink. “I don’t need you to play pretend anymore; you can drop the act. I don’t want empty love letters filled with shit if it’s all fake anyways.”
Those words cling to you and rip through old scars. He’s leaving you with open wounds, bleeding out painfully slow. It’s not shit, it’s your feelings. You poured your heart into that! If any song could play right now, it’d be,” All I Ask by Adele.”
“...what?” He stops in the doorway, having heard a faint whisper fall from your lips. Had it been a nasty remark, he was ready to spit one back at you. But it wasn’t. He didn’t catch what you said, but he knows it wasn’t an insult.
You couldn’t have with the way you’re clutching the empty pop tart wrapper for dear life, looking so empty and lost and alone on the tile floor. An empty shell: nothing more than a vessel staring at him, soaking in his every detail as if it’s the last time you two will meet. Hurt and betrayal replays in his head, so no matter how much he wants to stay, Taehyung steps out the door.
You couldn’t bring yourself to write letters for a while. You wished so desperately to tell him that the letters were genuine: you loved him. You still do. There are so many things you want to say, but none of the poems or essays you’ve written were strung together correctly. They just didn’t convey your feelings the way you want them to: the pain, the regret, the love, it wasn’t good enough.
After many sleepless nights and a few phone call confessions with Namjoon, your last letter was written. The cute stationary you’d use reminded you of every other letter, but this will be the last one. Promise.
[—“if this is my last night with you, hold me like I’m more than just a friend... because what if I never love again?”—]
[—All I Ask by Adele played in my head when you left, like a soundtrack in a movie. Everything I’ve written to you is true; please forgive me for falling in love with my best friend.—]
That night it rained. How fitting, you think to yourself. The weight from the grocery bags pile softly to the floor, the annoying crinkle rustling from the plastic. You peel the wet jacket off of your shoulders, hanging them up to dry while you put away the food. Thunder rolls in from the distance, pellets of rain tapping on your window. You don’t bother with music or tv, the silence thick and heavy as you busy yourself in the kitchen.
A knock sweeps you out of the dull lullaby of chores and rain. You move to open your door, and the next thing you know, a pair of arms embrace your still figure. All at once the sweet scent of cologne and honey clouds your senses, a familiar sedation too powerful alone. He holds you closer to his body. The physical touch makes you crave more, leaning in to relish in as much of it as you can.
He releases his hold a little, much to your dismay, and your eyes catch his restless ones. They flutter shut, and Taehyung’s forehead touches yours. His hot breath tickles your lips, shaky but inviting all the while. “...I missed you, so much.”
Is this what it feels like to be held like a lover? Embraced so tenderly and gently, fingertips tracing along your jawline. He pours his love onto you like the rain outside, and the kiss he gives sparks like a strike of lightning.
You wonder how you could’ve been content with unrequited love when this was on the other end? Seeking mutual forgiveness, making up for guilt with praises and promises? You know from personal experience that love hurts, but now, you’re ready to learn how love heals.
─────── ☽. ✧₊∘ ───────
A/N: This originally was supposed to have a sad ending but I couldn’t bring myself to...... I had to be cliché, it’s my drug 😔mayhaps I’ll make an angst fic someday,,
#bts#bts x reader#bts fanfic#fanfic#x reader#tae#taehyung#taehyung x reader#tae x reader#kim taehyung x reader#kim taehyung#bts tae x reader#bts tae#bts taehyung x reader#bts taehyung#bts kim taehyung x reader#bts kim teahyung#kim namjoon#bts kim namjoon#jeon jungkook#bts jeon jungkook#jungkook#namjoon#kpop#kpop x reader#kpop fanfic#angst#fluff
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about how poetry holds that strangeness:
Of course, it’s one thing to have a theory of strangeness and quite another thing to enact that theory, given that one has to live in the world. But poetry is, in many ways, the form of creativity most up to the task. A poem is a place where strangeness thrives, where we can see what happens in the place adjacent. This is perhaps obvious in the work of writers whose craft is a kind of experiment that, in the words of Dawn Lundy Martin, finds “when language refuses to tip over into speech—recognizable or other—when it is non–reproductive of what has already been produced for us.” [1] But even at its most confessional, its most speech–like, poetry requires us to take very seriously the strangeness of the life of the interior, the ways in which we all wildly exceed (and recede from) the narrow protocols of legibly human life.( Feeling Strange, Cameron-Awkward-Rich)
1. In Troubling the Line: Trans and Genderqueer Poetry and Poetics (2013), page 138.)
my note: everything about my preference and predilection always makes sense in light of strangeness. i’m queer to the brain. choosing to see the goodies and what goodness can flush from the axis of the strange. it’s what the alien eyes can see anew, how it risks alienation regardless, to repair, to jolt a sense out of how we know sense.
thanks poetics for letting me couch and curled inside you.
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1-5 😁
I’m in love with this question list, thank you for for asking darling! 💖
1. Tell me about that imaginary bookshop you dream about running.
Ok, this got long, apologies in advance! So like The Last Bookstore (in LA) meets Bart’s Books (in Ojai) meets the Harbor from Erin Morgenstern’s The Starless Sea?
The feeling of never-ending miles of shelves and curiosities from the Harbor, and the sense of stepping into a space not quite part of the world you’re used to. I’m in love with little corridors off the beaten path and armchairs tucked into secluded corners. From The Last Bookstore, I’ll take the inspiration for art and architecture made from books. Their front counter looks like 4 feet of books stacked on top of each other, and for the life of me I can’t figure out quite how they’re all attached, because it looks like it should just topple over. Same thing goes for the book tunnel upstairs, which is both fascinating and super Instagram-able, which is why hipsters love the place. And above the staircase there’s a typewriter on a desk on the top landing, and it has pages spilling from it that are suspended in the air and curl partway down the stairs, so they’re the first thing you see when going up. And from Bart’s I’ll take the sense of coziness. It feels very peaceful and homey inside- which makes sense because it was actually a house with a central courtyard, and they just kind of removed most of the furniture, took off the doors, and put in bookshelves. Also I’m stealing their cats.
Towards the front of my store are new books, current bestsellers, etc. But everywhere else it’s used and secondhand books. I find those much more intriguing than shelves of brand new books. For certain clients, the bookstore functions as a library, because I understand that even discounted secondhand books can be expensive, and I never want money to stand in the way of someone having access to books they want. Some parts of the store may have different types of music playing- current pop quietly in the front of the store for the people who just come in for that one new 50 Shades-adjacent book. But further back, hidden in corners and hallways, snippets of a waltz, a piano nocturne, a solo violin, soft jazz, something slightly haunting that you can’t identify all the instruments in.
Tea, coffee, and cocoa are all available on request- free of charge, though donations are appreciated to help keep up the supply. There’s a little station towards the center of the store where guests can help themselves, and I make sure to do occasional rounds of the shop, checking for individuals curled in those secluded armchairs with the cats to keep them company, and I take orders. Beverages are served in mugs or cups that are somehow always matched to the book one is reading. No two mugs are alike- they’ve been donated and collected, accumulated over the years. Some of them are cracked or chipped slightly, but they are still happy to serve. Delicate china teacups and saucers for the Austen readers, unusually shaped mugs for stories like Alice in Wonderland, one printed with Calvin and Hobbes for the young man reading his way through our comic books. Later in the day, cocktails are offered in elegantly cut glasses to match, reserved for our guests of an appropriate age.
Everyone who comes in finds something they were looking for, whether they knew it or not. The perfect book, the perfect picture, the perfect tea blend, the perfect poem. The store has a bit of a mind of its own, and sometimes it knows its guests even better than its owner does.
2. Do you like reading aloud? Are you good at it?
Huge yes, I absolutely love it, especially if I’m excited about the book! I’d love to record audiobooks, too. I’m told I’m pretty good at it, too!
3. How do you organize your bookshelves?
So my bookshelves at home lost any and all hope of organization years ago- they’re stuffed to the brim, and when I ran out of normal space I just kinda started stacking them horizontally in front of the books lined up vertically lmao. But the handful I took with me that are in my apartment now are organized by size- the hardback one to the far left, then the paperback one the same size, and they get smaller going to the right. I’m also using candles for book ends to keep them upright lol
4. Tell me about that one book that you can’t remember the title of and maybe you just made it up except you remember that one specific thing so clearly.
A necklace of beaded wishes is used to make an art model have to scratch his balls so badly that he has to leave the session? 😂
5. Do you write in the margins?
Never. Sometimes I underline or mark passages with a bracket, very lightly in pencil. If there’s a note I really want to write, I’ll attach a sticky note to the page and write on that!
#mscarolinebingley#answered#about me#bibliophile asks#honestly had so much fun with the first one#anyone is welcome to spam my inbox with questions about the stores mentioned#the last bookstore#bart's books#ojai california#starless sea vibes
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Open Book
Title: Open Book
Paring: V x Reader
Summary: You’re pretty certain that someone like V would fall for, well, someone not like you. After all, what do you have but a GED and five cents to your name?
Content Warnings: Language. Alcohol use. Reader has dyslexia.
Rating: T
Word Count: 2524
Note: Let’s all pretend that V is his own person. Or else things might not make sense.
-
Apparently word that the sons of Sparda were in the Underworld had spread. Now every devil topside was coming out of the woodworks. Nero had to recruit extra help to work with the Fortuna branch while Lady and Trish held down Dante’s old shop front. That was how you came to work for Devil May Cry, sometimes helping Lady and Trish and sometimes helping Nero and V.
The women were fun, but you preferred to take on work with Nero, V, and Nico. Mostly because you just loved being around V. Besides the obvious fact that the man was extremely attractive, to which that air of mystery only enhanced, but he had the voice of a sex god. You were pretty sure. Having been around demons and devils, you were confident enough to make that assertion.
Currently you were hanging out with said man in the Fortuna office. V and Nero had only returned from a job a day ago and you had been holding down the fort while they were gone. In just that short time they were out on their mission, you found yourself really missing V’s voice. So now here you were sitting at the table with him, your chin in one hand as you stared at him while he read out of his omnipresent book of poetry.
“Read another one, V, pleeease?”
“You can’t be serious?” Oh yea, and Nero was there too.
“Well, who forgot to pay the cable bill?”
“You!”
“Yea ‘cuz it’s an expense we don’t need! Just finish your sandwich!”
You turned back to V and smiled at him. “Ok, ok, in deference to our friend here, how about a short one?”
V, who had been patiently watching the exchange between the two of you, grinned at you. The way one side of his mouth pulled up as he smirked and the way his eyes locked with yours almost made it look like he was silently trying to tell you something. But whatever it was, much like the rest of him, was a mystery to you.
His tongue swept over his lower lip as he flipped the page. He took in a breath, about to start reading, when Nico suddenly slammed the door from the garage to the kitchen open. “Move your butts, we got a job to do!”
You sighed, “Seriously?”
V chuckled lowly (that may have been better than a poem!), and clicked his tongue at your apparent disappointment. “Perhaps later.”
You smiled, his deep seductive laugh was reward enough, but kept up the faux disappointment. “Yea, yea. Let’s just hurry before Nico leaves us.”
Though, who were you kidding? You’d love to be left alone with V.
-
V entered the garage while you were waiting for Nico to finish tuning up your bike. You glanced at him and when he smiled, you tapped Nico’s foot with your own, “Hey, be right back.”
“Uh huh.”
He was smiling at you when you made your way to him, and kept his voice down in an attempt at privacy in the garage, though Nico would probably hear anything anyways. “I saw something in Fortuna that made me think of you.”
“Oh yea? What’s that?” You tried to remain calm, but knowing that V had been thinking about you was making you rather giddy.
He pulled out a book from his coat and handed it to you. “Here, I wish for you to have it.”
You took the book and looked down at it, reading the title. It was a book of poetry, different from his own. You must have taken too long because he cleared his throat and said your name nervously.
“Uh-o-oh! That’s so sweet of you V!” You said as you looked up at him and hugged the book to your chest.
Thankfully, before things could get awkward, Nico shouted at you, telling you your bike was ready. You glanced around the garage and set the book down on one of the shelves and turned back to V real quick, “Don’t want to lose it, you know?”
Then you waved to him and jogged back to your bike. “Thanks, Nico.”
She winked at you, “I got your back.”
“See ya later!” You said to the both of them as you took off to kill some demons.
Nico waited until the roar of your engine was dead before she looked at V with a raised brow, “So, what’s with the lame ass gift? If I were tryna seduce her, I’d get her a new devil arm or something.”
V smirked, “Then you’d fail. She likes poetry as much as I do.”
“Does she though?”
“...What do you mean?”
“I’m just sayin’. I ain’t never seen her read or anything. Even all them notes I put so much time into, she either just asks me straight up or has Nero read ‘em to her.”
He frowned as Nico walked away, head held up triumphantly like she knew you better than he did. Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t recall you reading anything either. But surely you liked poetry, you were always asking him to read poetry to you.
-
Another great thing about the Fortuna branch of Devil May Cry was Kyrie. She loved to cook for people, and devil hunting was job that often left you hungry. She was roasting a chicken and some vegetables and it was starting to smell just heavenly.
If you hadn’t already been shooed out of the kitchen, you’d be hanging out with Kyrie, but she did kick you out so you were stuck in the living room adjacent to the kitchen eagerly awaiting dinner time.
“Hey, got kicked out of the kitchen again?” Nero asked as he entered the living room.
“You know me too well.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him. Part of you was hurt. After all, you’d been working with him for months now and you weren’t exactly a secretive person. “Why’s that?”
Nero reached into his back pocket and pulled out the book and dropped it onto the coffee table in front of you. “I figured you’d love something like this, especially from V.”
You sat up straight and looked at the book you had been avoiding. “Oh.”
“Oh? Oh, what?” He almost snapped, though managed to keep his voice level, still you heard the aggression behind it.
You glared at him, “Dude, calm down. I just kinda hate poems.”
He shook his head and scrunched up his face like he always did when he was confused. “What?”
You shrugged and slouched against the couch again. “I dunno, I just don’t have the patience to sit around and think about the meaning of things.”
“Then why are you always asking V to read poems to you?”
“Are you kidding me? Have you heard the man speak? He could read a dictionary and I’d still be entranced. His voice is just so, soo, hot!” You threw a hand over your heart and sighed dramatically, “I could just listen to him all day!” Then you shrugged again, a smile tugging at your lips as you just thought about V’s voice. “I ask him to read all that poetry crap ‘cuz that’s what he likes.”
Nero stared at you for a few seconds then back down at the poetry book.
“...So, you do like V?”
You dropped your wistful smile and turned your head towards the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with your friend. “What does that matter? I just appreciate him from afar.”
“What? Why?”
“‘Cuz I’m not…” You mumbled the rest of your answer, biting down the frustration that was boiling inside you now.
“What?”
“‘Cuz I’m not good enough for him, ok?!” You snapped and jumped up, pushing past him towards the front door.
“What?”
“LEARN NEW WORDS, NERO!” You yelled as you forcefully pulled the front door open and nearly ran into the object of your affections.
Your eyebrows shot up as you took a step back and looked at V, trying to hide your earlier frustrations that Nero brought up.
“Ah,” he greeted you, “It smells like dinner is almost ready.” He smiled and took a step forward into the house.
“Yea. Enjoy.” You muttered as you stepped around him and tried to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“Just-Just get off my back!” You yelled again and slammed the door shut.
V blinked at the door, surprised and confused.
Nero sighed and clapped a hand on V’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, man. That was my fault, I got her all mad and she snapped at you. She’ll probably apologize later when she cools down.”
“What was she mad about?”
Nero scratched the back of his head as he tried to think of an answer. “Uhh...I don’t know if I should tell you. I mean, it’s not my business to tell.”
V now stared at Nero, eyes narrowed as if he could determine the cause of your rage just from looking at the other man. “I see.”
He couldn’t very well press Nero without it feeling like he was disrespecting your privacy, so he let the subject drop and headed towards the dining room, where Kyrie was already setting the food down.
-
Even without a client to save, you found a horde of demons to kill and blow off steam. The demons became your frustrations. Every teacher that told you to give up, every book you didn’t finish, every stupid letter that taunted you. Your sword sliced through them all, until you were left with nothing but your emotions.
You cleaned off your sword and sighed, deciding then to do what you always did in moments like this. Drink yourself silly until you repressed everything again.
-
You were sober when you settled onto the roof of the garage with junk food and beer. You were not sober when the door to the roof opened and someone decided to join you. You looked over to your right as V sat down in the lawn chair a few feet away from yours. He didn’t say anything, just looked up at the night sky.
After some minutes of silence, the only sound was you opening another beer, V spoke.
“I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end.”
You sighed, even though you were inebriated and with him quoting some fancy pants poem, you understood. “Sorry for yellin’ at ya. Nero was bein’ a bitch an’ pissed me off.”
V hummed and finally looked at you, “He said as much.”
“He said he was bein’ a bitch?”
Your quip was rewarded with a deep chuckle. “Not quite. May I ask what you were angry about?”
“I dun wanna talk about it.” You mumbled into your beer bottle.
“Does it have anything to do with this?”
He pulled that damn book out of his pocket and held it out to you again. This time you couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Ugh. Yea.”
He reached out even further and dropped the book on your lap. “You didn’t open it, did you?”
You sighed and grabbed the book. “Listen, V. I’m happy that you were thinkin’ ‘bout me. But I dun really like to read.”
“Open it.”
You tossed back the rest of your beer, forcing tears back and emotions down. You had a feeling he was going to ask you to read it. Some damn poem that meant something deep to him. Except it wouldn’t be nearly as elegant coming from you. And he’d find out what you’d been trying to casually hide from him. He’d find out just how stupid you were and he’d lose any interest he ever had in you.
When you didn’t open the book he spoke again. “I must confess, I asked Lady about your background.”
You scrunched up your face, wondering what he was digging up on you.
“Lady ran a background check on you before you were hired.”
“Yea. So?”
“And she found your academic records. It seems you were a poor student.”
You scoffed and grabbed another beer. “I’m a demon hunner, I don’ need that shit.”
You took another long swig of your beer and refused to look at him. You’d had similar conversations with teachers and tutors before. You didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face when he gave up on you too.
“That book is printed in Dyslexie, a font designed to make it easier for people with dyslexia to read.”
Slowly you set down your beer and opened the book to the first page. You blinked, expecting to see a bunch of jumbled up letters swimming on the page. But instead the letters were much clearer than usual and you managed to read through an entire stanza and only stumbled, mentally for you weren’t about to read out loud yet, a few times.
“How...how did you know I’m dyslexic?”
“Can I see anothers woe, And not be in sorrow too?
Can I see anothers grief,
And not seek for kind relief.”
Despite yourself, you smiled at him. “Thas, that’s not really an answer.”
V chuckled and moved to kneel next to your chair. He gently took one of your hands in his and rubbed the back of your knuckles in sooth circles. This kept you still, unable and unwilling to pull away from him to hide your feelings behind another bottle of beer.
“One of the things I admire about you is how open you are.”
You weren’t sure if it was the fact that he was staring at you like a dream or if it was the alcohol, but either way, you were beginning to feel really warm.
“You let me know without telling me. You never hid that you didn’t want to read, in fact, you seemed to like being read to.”
You flushed and scratched the back of your head with your free hand. “I mean, only when it was you.”
V stood, pulling you up with him, and gently traced the outline of your lower lip with his thumb. You leaned forward, he leaned down slightly, you licked your lips and V tapped your nose with his cane.
“...Wut?”
A large grin graced his face, enough that even though you were confused you couldn’t help but mirror.
“Perhaps we should continue this conversation when you’re sober.”
“I mean, I’m not that drunk!” Hiccup! “That was a coincidence.”
“Come, on wings of joy we’ll fly
To where my bower hangs on high;
Come, and make thy calm retreat
Among green leaves and blossoms sweet.”
“...wut?”
His cane tapped your hand that was holding the book of poetry that you’d already forgotten. “Blake, The Birds.”
You ignored his answer and stared down at the cane in his hand long enough for him to clear his throat and raise a confused eyebrow when you looked up again. “Try that on me again...when I’m sober.”
Judging by the sudden wide eyed expression you managed to surprise him, but soon he was smirking at you, emerald eyes gleaming with the same desire you felt in your core.
-
A/N: While I was doing some research on dyslexic friendly fonts, I read that verdana was a recommended font. So I changed my Tumblr theme to verdana, but if you are dyslexic and can recommend a better font or Tumblr theme, please let me know. Since Tumblr is where I post most of my fics, I’d like the theme to be easy to read. And this goes for those who don’t have dyslexia too. If my color theme or something is too harsh, please let me know.
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April 18th-April 24th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive
The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from April 18th, 2020 to April 24th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:
What are your personal rules of thumb for determining whether a certain page needs a maturity or trigger warning?
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
i have no rule of thumb and i'm really curious to read what other people think about this
Deo101 [Millennium]
I usually ask people if they think it needs one, and I only ask if it is significantly different than what I've been doing.
Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)
I guess it depends on the subject and the severity. There are the basic ones, like rape, excessive gore, suicide, graphic sex, common phobias, etc. Things that can very easily trigger a large group of people or are generally not allowed in PG-13 movies. But there are other times I don't know if putting a warning or labeling it as mature is necessary. For example, profanity, suggestive material, violence (that doesn't involve gore), and again typically things that can make it into a PG-13 movie. Once it starts to be graphic enough to move into the realm of rated R, that's when you should start putting warnings. My problem with warnings as a creator is that the warnings can kind of spoil the contents of the chapter, so I try not to use them unless what happens in the comic could potentially harm a large number of people by not warning them.
RebelVampire
As a reader I do want to chime in say I agree with that last part. Whenever I see warnings, they are very spoilery so there's no surprise when I get to the warning part of the chapter/episode/page. I expected it so it loses some of its emotional value for me. Or, on the flipside, is so minor it shouldn't have had a warning that its ultimately underwhelming and disappointing.
Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)
Yeah, that's exactly why I'm wary about it
I am very sparing with my warnings, because I don't want the readers to lose any of that emotional impact.
carcarchu
my target audience for my webcomic is middle schoolers so the content i produce is never something i feel i need to put trigger warnings for. personally i think you don't really need to tag things unless the content is significantly different from what is expected from the comic. like if it starts out a lighthearted romp and then suddenly there's beserk levels of violence that probably ought to have some warning
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
I would probably put a CW for blood, gore etc. Of any level just to be safe. Different people have different sensitivities, and as a sex-averse ace I know I often would like CW on sexual/sex-adjacent content that others might not think was enough to need one so. I just err on the side of caution
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I specifically never put warnings in anything I write. If something I write deeply upsets someone or makes them extremely uncomfortable, that's a good thing. It means I've done my job in expressing and conveying the emotional context I set out to accomplish in most circumstances.
My background is poetry and I've only ever read a single book that had any warnings attached, and that was at the beginning of the book, not for each poem. Even then, it was from an author who was particularly, er, well a bit off their rocker.
Like, if you open a collection of poetry and you're surprised to see heavy topics covered...that's your own fault at that point.
If I had opened one of my favourite collections, The Flame by Leonard Cohen, and saw content warnings, I would have probably said in my head "Why the fuck is this here?" and "Well, no shit that's in here, this is Leonard Cohen."(edited)
My job is to convey and express regardless of what the reader might think. It's never my job to guide or warn them, it's my job to present to them.
Fiction, outside of that catered to younger audiences, tends to contain a lot of stuff that can be deeply uncomfortable to the reader (yes, even comedy). I've read stuff that's really gotten to me emotionally, and that's OK, that's a good thing, the author presented what they intended to (G-d knows they did). If you don't want that, then really, you just have to be cognizant of the fiction you're reading and remember that stories about life often have all aspects of life in them.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I have read things (though mostly non-fiction) that have made me want to cry or so sick that I felt the need to vomit. The author didn't warn me of that. They presented what they had without pretext nor excuse. They did their job. Those are very much extremes, but the point is that I consensually opened those texts knowing that might happen. I mean, it's not hard to look at the subject matter or what the reviews say and think "Hm, OK, this book isn't all sugar and roses". Frankly, though, I just feel that the content warnings and all tarnish the authenticity of a text that stands on its own.
Sorry for the rambling, but admittedly, I do include a content warning for that in my username!
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
I don‘t do content warnings, but I try to make sure to be upfront about the type of story people can expect.
Seen the results of someone springing a graphic, surprise character-gets-raped-to-death into until then fluffy childfriendly story for „trolololOLOL, I made you have a FEEL, I am an ARTISTE.“
It‘s disrespectful to the reader at best, after all they need to be able to make an informed decision if they opt in or not.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Alright, that's plain bad writing, but dramatic tone shifts can and are used effectively.
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I thought about content warning because I have seen comics that was upsetting to me and readers, and there was no trigger warning. Just a side note in the first chapter that the author explain that 'their characters' weren't a representation of every trans experience. But still had backlash for it. So some content warning when it comes to sensitive stuff like trauma, gender disphoria should be stated somewhere? I wasn't Trans but effected, I assume it was worse for trans readers seeing uncomfortable scenes that remind them of bad experiences.(edited)
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
When I was younger, I used to be into a lot of animated stuff, and there was this one anime (don't judge, I was like fourteen) called Steins;Gate that, for the first half, is relatively comedic and lighthearted, before a very dramatic tone-shift in one episode where most of the main cast die on-screen and it becomes a conspiracy/time-travel thriller. It was actually very, very good, and it's an incredibly popular show because of it.
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
Yeah. I think this is what content warnings are coming from: trying to enable the reader to make an informed decision of they wanna opt in to a story or not. It‘s a matter of consent.
They‘re not perfect, but better than nothing.
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
I agree with @chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa] here on the point that it's about being able to knowingly consent to a potentially unpleasant experience
Deo101 [Millennium]
Honestly I'd rather have a small spoiler at the end of the page before Something happens than potentially hurt someone
Again, only if it's really tonally dissonant
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
There's plenty of things I don't mind if I'm aware of it beforehand so I can make sure I'm in a good headspace, but the same things could totally put me off a story/creator and give me issues for months if I wasn't expecting them
Source: personal experience
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Webcomics are probably very different, but I'd find it would put me off a lot in poetry (and it's also something you don't see in it; it's just not a part of the industry culture). But people having negative emotions from reading is very commonplace and par for the course.(edited)
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
But I also feel that content warning do give away bit of spoiler. I was taught the good way to protray an incoming dark topic is to give hints along the chapters, rather than 'spring it out of the blue'. I haven't written anything super dark/angst before though. It's uncomfortable for me and I haven't cross that threshold of feeling yet(edited)
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
Personally I feel like if your story or scene or whatever relies so heavily on the shock of specific content that it would be ruined by the "spoiler" potential of a content warning, it's bad writing
Deo101 [Millennium]
I feel like stories in general are not ruined by spoilers, though some people don't like them. But if we're in a scene and we're gonna see someone get cut in half and you say "hey this battle has extreme violence" that's hardly a spoiler
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Not always. Shock, if it's not in bad taste, can be used as a device to help set the emotional context for the rest of the passage. It's bad writing to use it bombastically and haphazardly, but in light touches, like a ghost pepper, it can help. On its own, though, yeah it's usually bad writing.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Since comics are visual there is more need for this kind of a thing because it can be more intense for readers
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Ah, yeah, that's true. My field doesn't have visuals.
I can imagine it may be different in that case.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Also, think like. Movies also have this, that's what the rating system is
A movie rated r for extreme violence isn't a spoiler
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Especially if it has Tom Cruise in it.
RebelVampire
Yes but imagine if the movie paused right before the worst parts to say "Hey this is gonna be a mature scene"
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
Age ratings ARE content warnings.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Tv shows do it at the beginning of an episode
And, with comics you have natural pauses
Putting a small banner at the bottom of an update doesn't interrupt the flow the same way putting it at the top of one would, and it can prep people to know not to even open the next update kind of thing
I haven't done content warnings my content is only pg13 but I've thought a lot about it for future, more intense ideas
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
In Germany‘s there are no tv show content warnings, but certain stuff can only be aired after 20:30 or on dedicated channels.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I agree with @RebelVampire . In my favourite movie of all time by far which you 100% have to watch (IT'S REALLY GOOD!!!) On the Waterfront, there's one scene which really gut-punched me when I first watched it because it's, well, fairly disturbing, but if the movie stopped before it and some dude came up and said "B'ys, cover your children's eyes", that'd be ridiculous. Age warnings pre-screening are fine because it's an audiovisual form, but considering that text doesn't have that visual or audio component, I just don't see the need. I can understand why you would do it as a comic artist, though.
Deo101 [Millennium]
There are also, for movies and TV, sites like "does the dog die?" Which provide this kind of information for people with triggers. Comics don't have this kind of a site though so it's on the creator
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
That reminds me, I need to put Nyx+Nyssa‘s age rating note up. g
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
People with triggers are the sticking point for me. Even if most people would be okay, there's people who won't be and I don't want to act like they don't matter when I'm putting warnings on my content. I feel like it's my responsibility if I'm making that content.
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
Yup. I know someone with cPTSD who cannot engage with media without content warnings; because disassociation is NOT fun and dangerous. „Does the dog die“ and similiar things mean she can engage with media without having to rope in others as betas.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yes, same here. Obviously you can't warn for everything, many people have obscure and specific triggers, but there are common ones that are generally sensitive subjects that I don't think it's bad to warn a bit about
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I don't think it is your responsibility, but rather those with triggers to be careful. I'm a trauma victim and I do have triggers, but you know, I can't expect everyone to know that (especially with how hilariously specific they are). If you're worried, do your research
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
There‘s a huge difference between being responsible of for someone and being mindful for someone.
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
As someone who has triggers as well - I'd prefer to be able to see at a glance. It's awful having to be on guard constantly and worried about what if you didn't do your research quite well enough
Deo101 [Millennium]
I personally only read comics on reccomendation because of mine
They're not common ones but I've never been annoyed by trigger warnings that aren't for me
It usually looks much different from the comic so you can just quick look and scroll past
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I really understand that and I can understand it in the context of your industry because it has that visual component, but in the context of mine it's not done because content warnings wouldn't really make much sense for my industry. What will annoy me is when trigger warnings are uploaded for every part of the webcomic. Like, that's a little extreme.
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
I understand it's very different context for poetry - but I'm talking about comics
Deo101 [Millennium]
I would agree that uploading for every page would be extreme, but I would think I'm that case it would be at the start of the comic or in the description
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
About pages! They exist for a reason.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
At the beginning of the entire comic, if you want to, that's fine. I think it does change the mindset of the reader and can be detrimental to the story in some cases, but if you know it's not, then that's fine! Of course, that problem can be solved just like @chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa] just suggested: put it on the About page.
Yeah, no, I could get behind that.
For webcomics, I think that would be a good solution.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Some sites don't offer about pages, though, and if it's not a major theme and only in a small part it's nice to put it in the comic itself too
Like my comic is generally very light-hearted but coming up I do have a scene that's significantly more violent than the rest of the comic has been, and I debated whether or not to warn my readers about it
I don't want to put a violence warning in my description though because it would draw the wrong audience
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I mean, it really depends. If it's suddenly looks like the notes of a medical student, then put a warning, but some light violence is probably fine.
Others could probably give a better opinion on that though.
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
Yup. I liked how dumbing of age handled it‘s suicide warning - it was specific to that particular page because it dealt with specific details as opposed the more general discussion. So that page got a small note on top. Didn‘t remove the emotional impact, but allowed people to brace themselves or opt out.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Page the Poet refuses content warnings and enjoys their readers' suffering (/s).
All jokes aside, what do you mean about some sites not offering About pages? I'm not well-versed on hosting web-comics.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Well, for instance with webtoons you have a 500 (?) Character description, and that's it
Maybe it's 1500 or something idk it's been a while since I wrote mine. But it's not a seperate page like how I would have on my own site
On your own site it's awesome cause people can just, if they have triggers they can go there to see jf they're fine to read
But with webtoons, tapas, and other hosts you get one page and it's just your comic and description
So putting "violence warning" there is much different than on a seperate page
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I thought most web-comics had their own site?
Deo101 [Millennium]
I mean I do, but many don't
And most readers these days are on hosts I think
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Oh. Yeah, alright, I see the issue.
Deo101 [Millennium]
My description says pg13, LGBT, and slowburn and that's all it gets from me. I would be more descriptive in my about page which I do still need to code
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I'm curious, why specify the LGBT part?
Deo101 [Millennium]
But yeah so it's a very case by case basis depending on where you are and all that
Oh because I want lgbt people to know my comic has an LGBT cast and is catered to them
It's so my comic more likely finds my target audience
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
OH.
carcarchu
i think about stuff like school live and bokurano and consider that i'd be really upset if the sudden dramatic shift in tone was overtly warned beforehand because the shock factor was so important for those series in particular so i don't know how to handle warnings for stuff like that
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
That makes sense.
Please excuse my idiocy haha.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Not idiocy, it's a lot of potential to learn ;)
Carcarchu, it's really a personal choice of the author and what they want. If you don't wanna do it cause you think your story would suffer, that's totally fine. But personally and a lot of other creators agree, id rather potentially risk a slight decrease of my impact to protect some people.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
You see, in poetry, it works like this: you find a journal that suits your poetry, you submit it, you don't get published, and you cry yourself to sleep. Repeat twenty odd times until you get accepted somewhere. Then, you get published there and you tend not to worry about target audiences and stuff yourself. 'Tis a foreign world to me!
RebelVampire
Yeah I agree that I think at the end its a personal choice cause you'll never please everyone whether you do or don't use warnings
carcarchu
i'm thinking about my experience reading those two series and being blown away by the sudden tone shift and really liking one of those series because of it. but then i think about my experience with madoka where i actually started watching it BECAUSE i saw a spoiler about the twist and it piqued my interest. i still enjoyed madoka but i wonder how my experience with it would have been different if i went in blind
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
@carcarchu , I'm with you. It really depends on what you can do, I think. If it's available to those who need it without expressly being there for those who don't want spoilers (An optional CW of sorts), that could work.
carcarchu
i like the idea of optional cw
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I don't know if it's an idea that could work, though, as I'm not experienced with web-comics. @Deo101 [Millennium] , your thoughts?
Deo101 [Millennium]
On a personally coded site you could probably with a lot of effort make something like that work, but that's not really so much an option on hosts
Tapas has a mature toggle where that specific page says "this contains mature content" or something, but everyone sees it
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
If it's personally coded, it should be fairly easy with a small bit of javascript, right?
Deo101 [Millennium]
And for other sites it's not an option at all other than for the entire series as a before you enter sort of deal
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I personally would put warnings Because some chapters deal with traumatic subject matter and I’ve had friends see them and warn me about those However I wouldn’t just do content warnings for something like swearing
Deo101 [Millennium]
I don't think you could code it easily, at least not with the systems I'm using.
Again the best solution I've come up with is at the end of the previous update, so people can skip over it easier and it doesn't interrupt flow the same way
carcarchu
the easiest way to do it on smth like webtoons would just to put some text on ur page that says something like "optional content warning for the next page in description, read at your own risk" but again that would spoil a potential twist
Deo101 [Millennium]
Honestly like Doesn't the twist just happen at the warning then instead of at the panel
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I think the real solution is to just not write anything.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Like it's not spoiling it it's just moving it a few lines up
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Don't even write the webcomic. Best solution.
Deo101 [Millennium]
And content warnings don't say who or how
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Perfection.
carcarchu
i might be miffed if i read TWIST INCOMING and then had to wait a week to actually see it
Deo101 [Millennium]
Just a general, vague, "what"
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Say there's triggering content, but don't say where or what. Put it on the last page too.
carcarchu
but it could potentially drum up interest like WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT WEEK
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah that's what I mean
carcarchu
idk could go either way
Deo101 [Millennium]
Not like there's a twist!
Just hey things get intense
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I don't know, it could still be triggering. I think we should just write no webcomic at all.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Hmmmmm I never thought of that
But what if people forget about the trigger and just jump right in
carcarchu
if they forget the trigger isn't that their fault and not the creator?
Deo101 [Millennium]
People who have the trigger will remember
carcarchu
they were given ample warning
Deo101 [Millennium]
And if they do not then I did what I could
Sorry but I have a specific trigger of people watching someone sleep, I've had two people warn me their comics include it, and I remember. And that was like a year ago
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
My stupid sense of humour aside, I do agree with Deo and Carcarchu. If you forget the trigger, that's your own fault. The author making that information available is one thing, but they aren't there to hold your hand.
carcarchu
oh man that's a super common trope deo that must be rough
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah but it's cool
Like I know it's a common trope and it's not really one you can see coming or anything :/ so it's cool
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I think warnings are helpful tho if u be general like it contains a thing but u dont kno what it is till u read it
Like doe me it was doki doki lit club i didn't took seriously till it hit me and im like O
carcarchu
with dokidoki i knew about there WAS a twist but i didn't know exactly what it is so i was still shocked by it when it happened
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah like "Graphic violence" isn't a spoiler especially if you're already like 3 pages into a fight scene
carcarchu
but again they warned about it pretty vigilantly in the beginning before u play dokidoki? i'm not really sure how you could miss it?
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Yeah.
In all seriousness, I like the About page option / optional CW, but I realize that might be impossible in a lot of scenarios.
Maybe put in the description of the first page "OPTIONAL CW BELOW" for example for those who want it?
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah, or the page before. Only concern is people not reading it, but then again that kind of falls under the "their responsibility" section
kayotics
I’ve put one warning in before, but I kept it to promo images (so like social media update images) and in the comic description a few pages before. My reasoning was: it was tonally different & darker from the rest of the comic, but I didn’t put the warning in the pages because of the reader is paying attention, the fact that its coming is pretty obvious. Who knows if I did the right thing it handled it correctly, but I really struggled with figuring out what to do
Deo101 [Millennium]
Another concern is that some comics will run for years, decades even, and so its sometimes impossible to know at the beginning what might need to be warned for.
I think that's good Kay.
It's unobtrusive and gives the people who need it what they need
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Optional warning on the page before, then?
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah that's what I said earlier I was kinda planning on doing if it ever became necessary
kayotics
That’s essentially what it was. I think I wrote a caveat that the warning was a spoiler
Deo101 [Millennium]
That makes sense
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Hmmm if you’re doing it on the page before How specific should the warning be
kayotics
I know a lot of people don’t read page descriptions, especially when binging, so I’m banking on the context of the chapter being the biggest warning
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Like do you just say optional warning?
kayotics
What I did is I said something about the the content of the next page without getting into too much detail
Deo101 [Millennium]
I see things like "warning: graphic violence, sexual content, substance abuse," etc. Stuff like that
kayotics
Yeah. Mine was graphic violence or gore or something
Deo101 [Millennium]
Where it doesn't say who or how or anything, just a vague what
Which usually, the context of the scene is around that kind of a theme anyways where we can tell it's coming
So a content warning is more like "this does get turned up to an 8 here"
Though it can be a surprise where Something like what Kay did is really good
Like okay so spoilers but be warned
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
B'y, turn it up to at least eleven. Go big or go home.
Deo101 [Millennium]
I'm on a 1-8 scale
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
But what about the saying? Heresy!
kayotics
I think in the context of my comic it felt like, to me, that I was turning it up to 8 from a 1 or 2. It’s not the MOST GRAPHIC thing I’ve ever seen, but with the entirety of the rest of the work it’s tonally different, which is why I needed the warning
My comic, at its worst, usually just sees some curses and cartoon violence.
This was, like, full on blood and gore
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I jumped straight into 12 at one point for mine whoops
kayotics
So I think context of the work is important with a warning as well
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah, I'm usually around a 1-2 too. I've got pg-13 in my description and if I'm ever toeing the edge of it, I'm gonna warn about it
kayotics
If you have a violent or heavy comic already, warnings for each page is ridiculous. It’s when you turn it up that you should mention something
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah exactly
DanitheCarutor
Aaah you know, I don't put warnings on my pages, because practically half the comic would have CWs due to the focus on upsetting themes. There was one instance where I did put one up for a page containing a lot of queerphobic language presented in a way that was jarring, and potentially triggering for people who've experienced something like that. Although I've somewhat regretted singling out that one page since the comic from that point only gets worse, in hindsight that one instance isn't bad enough to warrant a warning. I'll probably take it down once I stop being lazy. In general I feel a page-by-page warning is best for comics that don't normally have heavy stuff, it makes sense to warning for violence if that's not a normal thing in your comic, it might shock readers too much otherwise. As far as content, everyone has different sensitivity levels (someone put a CW up once for a character being yelled at by his dad), personally I would only use CWs for excessive violence/abuse, blood, mental illness, suicide, rape, gore, slurs and/or substance abuse. I've gotten a lot of mixed reception on warnings, there are people who want them up, in detail, on every page with potentially upsetting content. People who want them chapter by chapter, some like detail, some want a general warning. Then there are people who don't want any warnings either due to them being too spoilery, or they feel it ruins the immersion. I went for a warning in a pop-up on my main site and leaving a list in my description on other sites, mostly for the non-spoiler crowd and because of what I said before about practically half my comic being potentially triggering.
There are two chapters coming up where I'll be putting up a general warning banner at the start of the chapter, with a hidden list of triggers in the author's notes and an option to read a safer summarized version at the end of each chapter, rather than forcing everyone to read the whole thing. Just because the content will be really difficult for some in presentation and/or subject matter, and I don't want to outright distress anyone... at least without them understanding what they're getting into.
Like, even compared to how my comic already is the next chapters will be really upsetting... for some people.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
It's not bad if people are upset or distressed. Like, full on disassociation from PTSD, obviously not, but I think these CWs are for them, not Alice Smith the average woman. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So, I feel like, because of that, the general approach is best. Adding a CW for someone getting yelled at by their father is too spoiler-y/specific in my mind.
carcarchu
i really like dani's approach with the summary at the end for people who want to know what happened but can't stomach actually seeing the nitty gritty
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Here’s the problem tho...my series literally deals with trauma healing
So there’s going to be mentions of...going to therapy, friends talking about it
Not the actual trauma itself
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Yeah, I wouldn't bother with CWs there.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
But I’m really worried that if I have to put up trigger warnings every time...a lot of pages will have that warning
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
People know what they're getting in for.
If you're going to read a comic about healing from trauma...don't be surprised at content that's not very fun.(edited)
DanitheCarutor
Yeah, my warnings are specifically for the mentally ill, people who've been in abusive situations and such. I don't want to end up bring back certain experiences, at least without them knowing what they're getting into.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Hmmm in that case I might have to put it in the summary itself then
That there’s trauma healing Of course it’s also about humor and slice of life, but I’ll add it in just in case
Would it help to get sensitivity readers to take a gander look?
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I mean, in my mind, a general synopsis of the basic plot is a good idea for a lot of stories so long as you aren't spoiling anything.
DanitheCarutor
Me? Nah, I mean, I should but it wouldn't change my decisions since my story is really tight and changing stuff would end up changing everything.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
In this case, trauma-healing seems to be a part of that plot.
So, you know, if it's mentioned, I think that's blaringly obvious at that point to people that "B'ys, there may be some triggering shit here", y' know?
DanitheCarutor
Oh, I totally misread the convo. Lol I mean, you could get a sensitivity reader if you want to be on the safe side, but if you're writing from experience and you've done research I don't see a problem with not having one.
carcarchu
having read the first few chapters of shadow's comic trauma healing was not an aspect that i picked up from it(edited)
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Sensitivity reader?
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I agree, I get more light heart tone with Shadow's story, but I know stuff ahead of time(edited)
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Oh nooo
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
maybe the aspects will come up as the comic progresses shadow
:0
DanitheCarutor
My comic is also about trauma and healing, and while I haven't experienced all the things my characters have, I did do a ton of research and talked to people. Although my comic is a vent comic so most of it is based off my experiences.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
I've just put general content warnings in the about page and appropriately rated my comic for its content. There will be things that are written thar i have no idea that could be triggering to people that exsist in a lot of media, it almost becomes impossible to sort through. And with the amount of content to sift through that would/wouldn't be sensitive to certain topics or just generally unaware, its tricky. If there is a reader with a potentially sensitive trigger, i would hope they could get a friend to do a read through if possible, but rarely have i seen comics go right into topics that would need such a hand to do so. Stories have descriptions and ratings for that reason, you're not going to find insane violence in Pokemon type stories, so the author has that responsibility of rating it correctly is what im getting at
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Sorry, what's a sensitivity reader?
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
A sensitivity reader is like, a beta reader who specifically checks whether your work is offensive/ insensitive (e.g. when you're wondering "is my portrayal of this ethnic group offensive/ignorant?")
carcarchu
i think a sensitivity reader is for when ur writing a story that includes a particular cultural or ethnic group that ur NOT part of and u want to avoid making your story culturally insensitive
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
Ooh Dani, is it Guide to Unhealthy Relationship? Your comic often stand out to me. I knew what I was getting into when I read it
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I was a sensitvity reader for someone who was writing a viet american and keii pretty much sums it up
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
That's a thing? Who does that? Ethnic Studies professors?
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
And it's not just for ethnic groups
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I gave suggestions to add and avoid if ya writing a character from a certain ethnic group or marginalized group
like LGBT+, persons with disabilities etc
carcarchu
ethnic groups is the first thing i thought of but yes
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
No, not ethnic studies professors.
Members of the marginalized group.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yep
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
So if you're writing a trans character, you probably want a sensitivity reader who is trans
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yep!
carcarchu
example the mangaka of golden kamuy has an ainu consultant who is ainu but i'm not sure if having a consultant is quite the same thing?(edited)
DanitheCarutor
@Joichi [Hybrid Dolls] Yeah, it is. I'm glad you were able to know! I try to make it obvious since CWs are pretty much the main themes of my comic. xD
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
i think so
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
A consultant can apply to sensitivity readers, yes, but goes beyond that
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
like the mangaka saught to reprsent ainus too
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I know an MMA comic with an MMA consultant, for example
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
But couldn't two members of that group, say, Jews, say completely different things? How can you guess the information to be reliable based on their simply being a part of that group? Surely, there are things people look for when hiring these people?
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I have artist friends who are my sensitively reader and one friend who has had experience with abuse So they help me with what’s good and what’s not to write about
I have artist friends who are my sensitively reader and one friend who has had experience with abuse So they help me with what’s good and what’s not to write about
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
It's still gonna be WAY better than not getting any, Page.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I mean yeah but in that instance hearing from another perspective at least one person helps
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
At least you can be aware of possible....differences
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
And people who have experience as sensitivity readers know some common issues to look for, as well.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yeah
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Or cross reference
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yep
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
It could be worse if the information is unreliable. What sort of qualifications does one look for?
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
like for me, reping viet folks and telling that to those saught viet rep in their comics
I told them "don't you freaking dare add tropes about the vietnam war I'm gonna come over to your house"
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Friend of mine was a trauma survivor that I witnessed first hand
I suppose that qualifies!
But I think it helps to ask around
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
This stems from writers writing what they think an experience/ person group is without doing research and just being ignorant and offensive and a call for ppl to do better
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yeah like those stories should be left to the group experienced it instead
imo
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
TBH even when you do a ton of research on your own, a sensitivity reader can help you catch things that you never even thought of researching because you were unaware It Was A Thing
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
like I still read some stories then they throw like the nam joke
and i'm like "I'm droppin this"
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Yea I don't get cis ppl writing about the trans experience. Its not ur story
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
agreed ya
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Hmmm a lot of artists write from experience
Perhaps if you need a sensitivity reader for say...being bi for example
Maybe find an artist who themselves is bi(edited)
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
like don't write how they got there, but write the experience they gonna deal with in the comic
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Because you get double: you get someone who’s bi and also someone who knows how to work the medium
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
like i doubt cis persons have the nuance for trans folk, same goes for non-poc thinking is okay to do weird nuance things with poc
like lmao idk that's a pet peeve of mine if someone is writing an asian character and really just
"yea he's asian, idk what nationality but its there."
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Im not into someone who isn't a minority writing about a minority experience as a personal preference, but the sensitivity readers aren't exclusive to that. There was an example in story help in this server where someone asked about writing for a certain group of ppl and wanted feedback
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I...remember that krispy
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yeah
carcarchu
i get what you're saying Tuyetnhi but i don't want authors to NOT include any representation just because they're scared of doing it wrong
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Several people warned him Including me
DanitheCarutor
A good example of sensitivity readers is Moana. The directors were old white guys, but they got Hawaiians to look over the script to make sure it wasn't disrespectful to the culture, or totally out of left field, since the tribe in the movie is based on Hawaiian tribes. Even though I didn't have sensitivity readers I still sought out people who experienced certain mental illnesses, medical professionals and mental health professionals willing the share their experiences and knowledge on the subjects I'm tackling before starting the comic.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ye and I get that, I mean like if they trying to do extreme nuance takes
leave that for folks who experienced that
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Asscreed games used to do the same too
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I ain't againist that kind of rep, but I have a paricular idea how to go about it that's all lol
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Tho i don't know if they were successful
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
What's wrong with someone writing a character who is transgender if they're not transgender? There's a lot of good research done on transgender issues both medical and societal as well as a lot of written record. I also don't see the issue with writing an ethnic minority as a non-minority. "Far Beyond the Stars" was written by white men and it speaks about racial issues brilliantly. Consultants on the intricacies of culture, I 100% understand, though, for your narratives; that does make sense. Professors are hired by filmmakers and writers for just that IIRC.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Sensitivity readers would not be a thing if people were not allowed to write characters outside of their own identity. Nobody's advocating that
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ya
carcarchu
white people can write on poc's issues fine. but i have a problem when they act like they know more than the people who have experienced it first-hand
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
Yep that's what I mean cara
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
As long as you’re respectful about it
And open to changing ideas
RebelVampire
Ok Im gonna step in here now and say we need to take a step back perhaps cause I feel this convo might be becoming too heated.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Heated?
I think you're misreading. I don't believe anybody here is heated over anything. I didn't know there was an argument, honestly. Is there? Am I losing my mind here?
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Also these are instances that have been brought to light bc ppl want better rep from authours too. My last point on that!!
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I don't think anyone's angry, but this is an extremely sensitive/ heavy topic so we're all treading carefully!
carcarchu
i'm with page i thought it was all very civil
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Remarkably so, frankly.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
agreed
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Usually these things spawn a lot of arguments. It's refreshing to see people, well, not do that.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ye lol
RebelVampire
It is but this is the sort of topic where it can quickly hit the boiling point in a single message. And I've been seeing some warning signs in this convo. By all means if everyone can keep it civil, please continue. Consider this more a warning that right now, if you're getting angry, please step away from the convo cause I don't want to have to mute or ban anyway.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
aight
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Warning signs? I really am losing my mind.
DanitheCarutor
Let me know if I've said or will say something that might be insensitive. I try to be respectful, but I'm overly comfortable with uncomfortable topics and can be like a bull in a china shop sometimes.(edited)
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Its just a sensitive topic, page
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
same with me, but i'm also speaking from experience as sensitivity reader too.
so yea lol
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Oh yeah, on most servers, when this comes up, you have those who take the opportunity to say white people should die, then the ones who say the same about people of colour. It all devolves.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
what the
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Oh, b'ys, Discord is a wild place.
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I agree with Keii, these are sensitive topics, I'm reading each one carefully without jumping into a fight
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I mean yeah, I been on discord since 2015 lol
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Gosh, I've been on it for years too! Seems so long ago I first came here!
Time flies, eh?
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
still like, I find it kinda ridiculous someone is willing to jump like that
but yeah er, the topic at hand lol
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
It doesn't need to go to that ridiculous extent to offend people, so I agree with Rebel on that we need to continue to be careful
Eilidh (Lady Changeling)
(going to step out now but good convo y'all)
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Offer people a bit of the word "race" and soon it turns into Nuremberg.
Good talking to you, mate!
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Goodnight Eilidh!
Also I’m actually new on discord
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
I think that its a good practice that writers today are more sensitive to the readers. Not in a hand holding way, but in a responsible way where their work is properly tagged and rated and the consistency of such content is a warning as well (like danis comic) It's important to want to improve the reading experience for many and keeping in mind that some topics need to be handled with some more care
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ye agreed!
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
In my field, I think it's a contest on how much emotion you can get out in one breath with gleeful abandon to how the reader feels.
carcarchu
but a problem with that is sometimes it feels like writers are held up to impossibly high standards and that they can't have ANY inkling whatsoever of any content that might possibly be construed as "problematique" by the purity police. the degree to which some authors are scrutinized is unreasonable and i think it often stems from having to be seen as a "pure" representation of whatever it is they are representing
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Sometimes it's not even that the standards are "too high"
DanitheCarutor
@FeatherNotes(Krispy) Lol if the word limit allows it, every self-promo of my comic is plastered with age and content warnings, dang it!
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
There will ALWAYS be those standards, they were always there. Ppl just didn't have that voice. I would not be worried about writing however, as i def see a problem with the purity thingie going around.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I think carcarchu is talking about something very specific, Feather?
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
there will be some rep be messy and rip that's part of being human and making mistakes
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
There was an article talking about the direction of art and the consumers of such that covered this topic about the purity thing that i wanna findd
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
like everyone can't be a saint
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
like when an ownvoices writer gets pitchforks and torches because their portrayal wasn't wholesome enough, and you are only allowed to write happy and wholesome stories about that group(edited)
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
like
keii omg
yeah i'll die in the torches that's ok
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Wait what
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Yeah it's a thing
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Thats a thing
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
What...????
carcarchu
yes that's what i'm talking about keii
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
What
carcarchu
i also have a video about it
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
They're more upset at the story direction then
Not a purity thing
carcarchu
no it's a purity thing
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I agree with Carcarchu on this one. I feel like some people would be up in arms if I wrote a story where a white guy is the protagonist and a black guy is the antagonist. Some people just see race.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I know several LGBTQ peeps who are afraid to post their dark LGBTQ fiction because it might draw the attention of "only wholesome content allowed!!!" people
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
WhgtttattTTT
nooo
DanitheCarutor
Oooh yeah, the puritans/sanitizers out there, they're a scary bunch. I've had a run in with a few people who've said my comic shouldn't be allowed to exist due to the content... and I've been called queerphobic... and that my comic is queerphobic torture porn... and other fun stuff. It happens.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
WHHHHHHAAAAAAAT
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
You'd be surprised how common this is.
RebelVampire
Yeah I have to say I've seen it a lot too
carcarchu
where have u been krispy that you haven't seen this?
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
I have been in my silent cave apparently
I also haven't been in fandoms for years if that helps lol
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
You living like Patrick the Starfish?
DanitheCarutor
Yeah, we're kind of starting to get back into the olden days of demand for sanitizing art, people who work on darker content or horror get a lot of crap.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
This is patrick
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
All kidding aside, TL;DR: shit's kind of fucked in some ways.
carcarchu
i've even had run-ins with such people irl... hasnt been the most pleasant. i was once friends (note once) who tried to convince me that i should turn my het romance story into a lesbian one? for no reason other than she preferred to read that kind of content?
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Ohhbsee thats where im confused
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Imagine if the sexuality were flipped. It would be outrageous.(edited)
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
rip I had a comment a year ago that the main love interest is "too gay to be straight"
and i'm like "excuse u?"
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
"Yeah, make it straight. I don't like gay stuff."
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
How is the relationship dynamic purity in that case?
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
That's not purity police talk anymore, I think
carcarchu
not purity in that specific example feather but it's the same kind of person
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I’ve also had people come up to me and ask why I don’t write a more lighthearted story
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
It's... a different issue
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
OB
MY GOSHHH
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Or “shadow, your shit is too dark why are you writing about this”
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
So ppl be telling u how to write ur chars now?
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
"Life can only be happy and stuff :(( art can literally only be happyyy"
carcarchu
yeah this same person was also PISSED that there was a gem in steven universe who was "black-coded" and portrayed as a villain even though there were black coded gems who were not portrayed as villains as well
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Sorry Krispy Life be like that
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Wthhhh
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Black coded?....what series have they been watching carcarchu lol
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ah dang
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
These ppl have 2 much time on their hands RIP They wanna rip apart media, go after something that deserves it (likethebig2incomicscough)
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
They’re gate keeping(edited)
DanitheCarutor
Ah not too long ago I stumbled across an artist who drew more problematic stuff as a way to cope with trauma, which I guess was something their therapist suggested. Their stuff is pretty messed up, but someone started one of those "call out" videos on them, leading to thousands of people flooding their work with some of the most awful comments along with people trying to shut down their Patreon and social media accounts.
carcarchu
i later found out this person was also a terf so i ended the friendship right there when i found out
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Dani that’s...what the fuck
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Oh nasty
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
searches up terf Oh...
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I remember reading one person talking about how presenting "bad ideals" and whatnot in fiction had to be demonstrated to be bad ideals and not work and stuff and so on so forth.
carcarchu
i've seen that too dani
sadly more times than i can count
we all remember what happened to cucumber quest right?
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
It is terrible out there
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
What’s cucumber quest
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
What is cucumber
Quest oop
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
"What is cucumber?": An essay in being Socrates.
carcarchu
long story short cucumber quest was a children's webcomic that was pretty popular but the author got bullied off tumblr for being "problematic"
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
oh no
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Tumblr has a lot of crazies.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I like her work
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Oh noooooooooo
I still go on tumblr but I carefully choose my blogs
Because I don’t want this shit
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
(All this being said, I wanna reiterate that just because those terrible pitchforks and torches people exist, doesn't mean all "I find this offensive" voices are invalid. Some things could genuinely be improved!)
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Also def wanna say that even tho there will be these wolves waiting to tear 'non perfect' media apart, please dont feel like u have to stop writing, ever. Dont be afraid bc of these stories, yall have good heads on ur shoulders and obvs want to share ur experiences and that is something ur allowed to do
carcarchu
fyi she didnt stop making her comic because of the bullying thing, it was a separate, unrelated issue much later(edited)
i hear you keii
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I find it hilarious of the idea That there are people out there who tell someone not to write stuff like abuse even tho they’ve never experienced it
And the writers themselves have
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
There was someone who tried to boycott assassins creed 2 bc the main char reminder her of her ex bf
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
omfg
DanitheCarutor
It's really sad and a little terrifying if your work doesn't fit the sanitization standards... Sometimes I think of that "what if" chance just the right person finding my comic and launching a take down campaign on it. Which is why I'm totally fine with staying as a smalltime person in the shadows. Also people don't usually want to even read through my comic, so that's a plus.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
why lmaoo
oh dang dani that's one fear
but i'm also like "I wonder how folks react to me dealing with that like I ignore them"
would that be a power move or I'd be burning harder?
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Shit I never thought of a takedown campaign
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
It's a genuine fear for the creating community for sure, but ur voice is necessary. Ur story will resonate with ppl, and those who choose to use their time to tear it down obviously have nothing else better to do
DanitheCarutor
@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) Oh yeah, totally! People's feelings are super valid, and someone writing sensitive content should be open to listening to other people. I'm just talking about the extremists who think anything remotely uncomfortable shouldn't exist. Like, no.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Man, nowadays, people just throw shit and false accusations and all the rest at people because they don't like them and their stuff. They're truly pathetic.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
I used to be so scared of a certain chapter in my comic bc its so violent at one point. It kept me up at night bc of these take down campaigns were a such a thing. But then i remember the content i enjoyed that inspired my own and im like Aint no one cancelling FMA for the niina part!
I mean unless its a topic that's super insensitive to a group or people/topic, which i know you're handling with sensitivity and grace, i wouldn't stop
carcarchu
this is a little bit sensitive so i'm going to put it in a spoiler there was another incident where an author received constant messages to kill themselves for writing gls when they did not at that time identify as a woman but then the author later did a whole comic about how how complicated her relationship with her own gender and sexuality was and that she de-transitioned and now once again considered herself to be both cis and lesbian and all those comments about her needing to kill herself for writing gl were so narrow-minded because you can never really know an author's situation if you aren't in their shoes
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
What's "gl"?
DanitheCarutor
Lol yeah, I do get worried a lot, especially about the upcoming chapters. Although that's not going to stop me from pushing forward, and telling the story how I want to tell it. If my online presence is murdered in the process, at least it will die for a good cause... at least good for me because I'll be venting everything out.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Whhhh!!! People just gettin into ppls business damn. That's horrible
carcarchu
girl's love
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
GIrl's love?
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ye
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
I def see ur story as a personal one with healing and building that will resonate with others Dani. And i think that's very important
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
What's that?
carcarchu
stories about girls loving girls
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
it's a genre that focuses on romantic relationships between girls ye
carcarchu
i really got chills reading that author's comic about her identity especially having seen those comments numerous times on her other comics
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
There was a similar incident except it was with an artist by the name of Zamii for supposedly drawing Steven Universe characters too thin (Yes, she did attempt suicide in the end, though she didn't succeed in her attempt).
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Is...is she okay now?
oh my god Page
I remembered that
The SU writers had to step in
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
oh rip sadly I remember that as well
carcarchu
i think she's doing ok! i'm not sure if that particular comic is still up but i can dm u it if u want shadow
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Yep! Not just the writers, even an executive producer.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Yes please carcarchu
And I think Rebecca sugar stepped in too? Not sure about that
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Hopefully this serves as a reminder for all of us to have each others backs in such situations wow
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Another incident was in the Undertale fandom I think. One person gave a cookie to an artist at a convention they didn't like because of the ships they were doing. They author was suspicious, so, they cracked open the cookie. It was filled with needles.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
WHHHHHHYYYYYYY
carcarchu
oh my god i remember that page, what a horror story
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
........what the FUCK
carcarchu
always be careful about accepting food from events like that
DanitheCarutor
Geez, the thing about the GL author is sad... yet not surprising, and it's sad that I'm not surprised. @FeatherNotes(Krispy) Thank you so much! I went into my comic expecting absolutely no one would like it, so if it resonates with even one person that would be the best surprise. TvT
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yee haw I love solidarity
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Yeah, never accept food/drinks from strangers, including "fans"
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
As someone who bakes and deals with food....that is horrifying
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
yeah rip that's horrifying
carcarchu
if it's packaged food like candy it should be safe, but still be careful if u have reason to be suspicious at all
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Remember, if you're suspicious, make them eat it too >:)
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
omgllol
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
And lace it with cyanide.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Gosh authours need content warning from readers it seems yikes
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Better safe than sorry.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Still not safe to have them eat it too lol
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I mean, hey, better second degree murder than dead.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I can think of some.... ways around that
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
"I'm alergic to needles"
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Give it to their friend
>:)
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Give it to their spouse.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
And if it’s poison they’ll go down knowing they did it
Make a marvel villain
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
They're called "Widower".
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Page you and I have like minds
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Indeed we do.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I'm not comfortable with that -- like, what if their friend or spouse is being abused by them and is seeking to get out of that relationship
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
...This conversation is freaking amazing And I’ve never done individual page warnings for my comic - never felt it necessary. Maybe someday someone will yell at me about it, but... meh. The comic never goes into the really deep dark potentially-controversial stuff. So maybe it won’t be an issue. Back to catching up on all of this, WOW.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
oh god it would be a complicated meSS(edited)
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Oh god okay NO DONT GIVE IT TO THEIR SPOUSE
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
It doesn't matter. They must die for our agenda.
Morality? Pft.
If they're dead, they're no longer in the relationship.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I mean @LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) your story is really riveting But I’m not sure if you need warnings? I mean your story deals with...death
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
You see? Widower solves everything.
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) I’m not sure! Someone tagged it with ‘limb loss’ elsewhere, which is debatable, haha. It’s something I would almost want others to tag. Sometimes I can’t stretch my mind far enough to imagine a page needing a trigger warning.(edited)
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Wow...the more you learn, huh.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Yes- those specific type tags are always going to be elusive to keep track of- ur general rating is just what ur story needs
Def wanna point out too that TV ratings and warnings are what i go by and the most helpful to me as a reader and creator. Also video game warnings too are good to look at if people ever need examples of how to rate comics!
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Yep, ratings are all I need too. In my ‘about’ page I described my comic as “no darker than the darkest stuff in Harry Potter,” but I’m sure someone would still find something extremely dark in that, so... SHRUG
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Does anyone know of any of the big name comics that put trigger warnings or whatnot in their work? I dont read marvel/dc/etc so ive never seen if they took to rating their comics with any type of warnings?
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I do have kids reading so I want the parents to feel comfortable
DanitheCarutor
Is it weird that I rated my comic based on the level of nudity and lack of sex? Like, "Okay, these people are really naked but not in a sexy way, what is the rating for that?"
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I'm thinking about snot girl rn and idk if their creators do that tbh other than marketed towards adults
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I read a couple of more-intense things from Image Comics and I’ve never seen any trigger warnings there either
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Hmmm I’m not sure I remember reading Hellboy and not seeing any trigger warnings
carcarchu
krispy, the only time i can recall it is when i read Bradherley's Coach and that was actually put there by the translation team and not the author himself but i will say that the warning was extremely warranted with that one because i consider myself pretty desensitized to traumatic content but even this one really got me with each chapter being traumatic in it's own unique way
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Do they have ratings on the backs of the books like some manga?
Oh wow ty translation team
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Probably! I’m not sure if DarkHorse comics does it but they do have things like nudity and...portrayals of graphic death
carcarchu
if u read it on a website there is some degree of tagging for the content but i don't think that alone could have accurately prepared someone for what the comic explored
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
I think its clear that by these examples we're all already doing better at being responsible for the content we share and produce.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
I hope so I wonder if those big name comics received flak about not having trigger warnings
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I wonder about that too tbh
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Im sure to a degree? But no where near an indie creator would
Which is a whole other topic
carcarchu
i for one would love more tagging options for webcomics
makes it easier to find whatever niche content you're into!
genres alone just dont do it
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
That could work But there’s also a price to pay; less chance to get readers too
carcarchu
why is it less of a chance to get readers?
Nutty (Court of Roses)
I myself am looking at my Punisher comics, and there's no warnings anywhere, but i feel with an antihero like the Punisher, you go in expecting the gore and violence
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
Hmmmmm....I guess my fear is that it’s a double edged sword carcarchu On one hand you can attract the readers you want But on the other hand you can also...possibly drive away readers who are mildly curious Some people need time to get invested in a story
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I guess some people will just avoid some tags no-questions-asked. Hopefully it’s the small minority that the trigger warning will actually help (in terms of anxiety) and not someone who’s writing off the trigger as problematic and will go on a tirade warning other readers about it. I know it goes both ways
carcarchu
oh i wasn't talking about trigger content tagging specifically
i was talking about stuff like being able to tag for example "witches" or "animals" or "music" whatever is a theme in your comic(edited)
guess it wasnt a logical throughline made sense in my head
eli [a winged tale]
I was looking for a universal way to show trigger warnings and came across this article. https://medium.com/@UntoNuggan/trigger-warnings-101-a-beginners-guide-e9fc90c6ba0a I guess for mine I’m thinking to add body horror and violence the more we go through the story... I do like the part about putting the informed consent power back to the reader’s hands
Nutty (Court of Roses)
I put both Fantasy Violence and Alcohol Use as general warnings for my comic. Alcohol is treated in a complex manner in CoR, both in a humorous light and as a way to cope, but I know there are a lot of folks that are triggered by the presence of alcohol.(edited)
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I will be putting trigger warning in my comic but Ive wanted to write about mental health allegories for a long time as a personal self reflection.
I started to feel braver after seeing other creators boldly write about mental health topics in their comics.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Whispers the webcomic library is an excellent source and tool to find/avoid tags in comics
Luma does an excellent job with archiving the stories there and i hope yall have applied to have ur comics there too!
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
Yes I watch Webcomic library on Twitter, Luma does such a good job curating comics(edited)
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Same! Highly recommended
carcarchu
i think i follow it on twitter but i don't keep up with it
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
They did these tags for my comic(edited)
carcarchu
maybe i should change that
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Super dedicated and a very great resource for webcomics!!
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I got these! I originally only put down 'limb loss - leg' but 'limb loss - arm' popped up too, and I'm like "You know... that's kinda true." It's a really good resource!
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
OOoh I should check it out
Webcomic library, right?
carcarchu
what's the difference between independent! and independent
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
...that's a good question and I don't know the answer, haha
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
“Eventual LGBTQ” yes
Nutty (Court of Roses)
I AGREE!! I'm on Webcomic Library too. Mine is tagged as Mobility Aids since Nocturne uses a cane to walk
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
hmmm how do you add your webcomic onto there?
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I went thru the process like
you send an email to luma/webcomic libary with a submission form
and she'll add it for u with the tags that are relelated to your comic
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Luma always puts up submission posts too Check out their tumblr/twitter!
DanitheCarutor
I can't imagine how much time it takes Luma to go through all those webcomics! These are the tags they put for mine:(edited)
They've kept it up pretty well in spite of it not being their cup of tea. The only thing I was ever iffy on was the 'sexual nudity' tag since I didn't intend for that but for the nudity to be uncomfortable/awkward, and I don't like the idea of people going into my comic for sexual arousal, but on well. To each their own, also it may be a presentation mistake on my part.
It's funny because I didn't think about one of my MCs being disabled until seeing this, I had to think for a moment before realizing "Oh yeah, I guess ocular albinism is considered a disability."
Kind of an embarrassing realization on my part.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ooo that's a lot of tags
this from my comic
DanitheCarutor
@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) Here is the submission template if you're interested. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q48tZquhmNoGY_lcsE8FkByF614EISk_Pf3YoQKXYWA/edit?usp=sharing
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
probably not much is tagged since lmao it's 2 chapters in
DanitheCarutor
Haaaah yeah, my comic has a lot of... stuff. It'll probably get even bigger once the next two chapters are finished, if Luma is willing to go through them.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
ahhh thank you Time to submit
honestly I don't think there'll be a lot for my webcomic, since I just started lol
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
All a good resource regardless! And a good place to find comics to read!
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
fair enough! Also...uhh....
what's nsfw text?
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
oh
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
like, not safe for work things being talked about in the text of the comic typically sex stuff i imagine
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
or swearing lmao
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
oh god
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
get ready for a rideeeee
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
since someone saying "violence and gore" in the text wouldn't really count as NSFW lol
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
on my sailor ship lolol
DanitheCarutor
Yeah, NSFW text is swearing, slurs, discussion of NSFW subjects, sexual language I'm guessing. In my case it's the former three, at least I assume as much.
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
..........ohhhh boy
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
mine is just my characters speaking without filter
lol
at least for the begining lolol
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
but yeah to me the limit for "what to warn people about" is generally dependent on the platform
those are my tags on archive binge
those are my tags on webcomic library (admittedly a bit out of date)
shadowhood (SunnyxRain)
lord almighty(edited)
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
on comic fury the only tag I have is high violence (with no nudity, sexual content, or swearing)
on tapas it's a page-by-page thing so I basically add the tag whenever there's blood on-screen
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Nsfw is not swearing like bitch, shit fuck Its more slurs i do believe
Also forgive me for swearing on main lol
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
lol
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
OH DANI SAID IT ALREADY
So yes, what dani said
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Yeah I was wondering how deep into curse/slur territory it’d have to go
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Gjs has swearing in it but its sailor mouth stuff, not slurs
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I’ve got fantasy slurs and I drop those RARELY because they still make me feel weird, haha
Dunno if I could ever commit to IRL ones in anything I do
DanitheCarutor
Yeah, I imagine if swears did count it would be how they're used, like if they were said in a derogatory statement and/or bullying.
But yeah, slurs, definitely. Haaaah
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
I don't think I could ever write about racial slurs either. The only touchy topics I will ever write are those I have experienced. Never experienced true racism so if I wrote about it I would feel like I'm faking knowledge of a huge and personal issue for other people
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Same. I leave that to people who can write about it better. Any discrimination I have in my stories is manufactured by the fantasy world and its own unique circumstances. I have some influence from real-world discrimination, but it's its own thing.
DanitheCarutor
Ah but slurs aren't just race, there are also slurs for gender and sexuality. (The -cough- 'T' and 'F' word.)
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
yeah... racial slurs make me uncomfortable, but depends with the fantasy slurs, that could be creative if it's done to show the social issues of that world?(edited)
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I feel like even if you're only using fantasy slurs (speaking as someone whose comic has a use of a fantasy slur...), you need good understanding of what it's like to be on the receiving end of a slur IRL. This isn't to say "you need [this qualification] to be Allowed to use slurs in your fictional work!" but more like, how to make it resonate with the readers in the right ways, how to make it not gratuitous, etc.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ye
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I'm still learning myself. Like, I do have some experience dealing with racism toward me, but 1) it's nothing compared to the truly horrific stuff out there, and 2) even on comparable "levels" my experience could be very, very different from someone else's. All we can do is keep trying, keep learning.
Keep listening.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
I'd had a fair deal of racism and microagression being a native in the US for so long
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
exactly, like I experienced childhood racism about my cultural upbringing. But it's different for other people.(edited)
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
it's something that lmao won't go away but ye we have some different perspectives on how we can go about handling it
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
When I read a work or watch a film, I can tell if the creator has researched well, if it's racism similar to my experiences. It doesn't matter their background. But it'd be a nicer bonus if this came from a POC creator.(edited)
DanitheCarutor
Yeah, based on that I'm probably not the best person to have characters using slurs. While the slur present is gender based, I have a complicated relationship with... everything that isn't white/cis/het. I'm a mixed race (mom's side(very white passing): German Jewish, black Irish, Scottish, Native American. Dad's side: Native American, Spanish, Mexican.), my mom was raised in a church in a tiny town that was totally against non-white people and race mixing, according to her when I was born people would come to the hospital to gawk at me. I've never been called a slur maliciously, but casually and I never noticed it until I was older after everyone naturally stopped. Every experience and memory I have of slurs has been of the "yikes!", "Woah, you really said that." variety, so I kind of project that energy a little bit in my comic. But in the form of a very yikes casually transphobic character.
For clarity on the cis/het thing, my family was also extremely bigoted but would hide it under casual language, so it never sounded queerphobic until you process what they said.
Not related to me, but I understand needing to experience racism to write it, although I think it can still be accomplished well if the person is empathetic and does a ton of research. Kinda like anything else sensitive, you just need to be really educated on the subject.
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I agree with you Dani. Sadly some creators just don't have that empathy and want to write a fantasy token character. I had awkward story conversations before on race. "what do you think about this ambiguous Asian character? I'm thinking of a Japanese name, sounds Asian enough?" I always cringe inside(edited)
Deo101 [Millennium]
I usually bring in other people to write about those things I haven't experienced. Friends, generous volunteers, etc.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I think it's 100% OK to write about things you haven't experienced. I don't think J.K. Rowling experienced being an adolescent male chosen one in a magical college, but she still wrote about it...and made a Hell of a lot of money.
DanitheCarutor
Lol that's why I added in doing research, which I think brainstorming with experienced people counts, you're still educating yourself. I agree with everyone on experience being preferred, although I am on the anti-censorship side with art and storytelling, no matter how cringe it is.
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
ofc i think it's okay, but I personally don't feel comfortable doing it
i even feel a little weird writing male characters
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
If we can only write ourselves and our experiences, we're plain not good writers.
That's my view on the matter.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Again, I don't think any of us is advocating Necessary Qualifications To Even Attempt. This is a much more nuanced topic
I've never been a tall beefy dude, but that's what my MC is.
Never been a parent, but I write parents.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Yeah, "make the effort to write this well" is very different from "don't write this"
And there's plenty of people criticizing JKR for how she handles specific topics...
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
yeeeeah....
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Including me.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
JKR is probably not a good example to bring up as a positive example for this topic, simply because of the issues that can REALLY distract from why she's being used as an example.
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I like writing male character more often since I'm less stressed about writing the opposite gender, I know it's my comfort zone. I based some of the boys on my guy friends and have fun with the story. Though I'm making a difference by insisting on adding women more and pushing for strength and vulnerability.(edited)
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
J.K. turned out to be lacking a few brain-cells, but my point is that you can very easily write foreign experiences; every good writer does that all the time (as you all do yourselves!) and I think that extends to writing characters no matter the colour of their skin, sexuality, or gender identity.
DanitheCarutor
True, I haven't seen gatekeeping here, I'm just giving my thoughts on it. A while back on another server I read a conversation where some people were dissing the person who made Magical Boy on Tapas because they're not trans, even though they did a lot of research beforehand. I was kind of reflecting that, but I also empathize with people who feel uncomfortable with people who've never experienced a certain form of oppression writing about it.
Pff I've never been a janitor, but dang it! You can't stop me from having a janitor character!
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Janitors are the coolest guys, I'm telling ye.
Most chill people in the land.
B'ys, they can get along with anyone, I swear.
DanitheCarutor
They're like real life superheroes.
Deo101 [Millennium]
We're not saying not to write other skin tones, gender, etc. Just to be sensitive about it and aware that you can't extrapolate someone else's life experiences from your own, you have to ask
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
there's a difference between writing a janitor and writing a touchy topic like racism. Anyways, even if I was writing a janitor I'd do a ton of research on the job
Deo101 [Millennium]
Sorry I use a cane and I can tell when people didn't ask someone who uses a cane what it's like. It goes the same for a lot of things
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I'm not saying you are saying that! Simply addressing something I've encountered before.
I've used a cane before, though temporarily. It was...a pain in the ass, honestly.
Well, more like a pain in my leg. And my arm.
DanitheCarutor
@Eightfish (Puppeteer) Sorry, I was joking since Keii was talking about writing muscular guys and parents. It would be sad if I didn't know the difference between racism and an occupation. Lol
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
In any case, I don't think that writing somebody of an ethnic minority necessitates much on its own. Delving into racial issues, sure, yeah that requires a lot, but I wouldn't say that of writing the character itself.
I'd say the same of sexuality and gender identity if you're not delving into the respective issues thereof. If you know what you're doing, i don't think there's too much to it.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
@Page, Rambler Extraordinaire! Yeah, I think that's what a lot of us are saying. There is a difference between writing a character who's [this identity] vs writing a story that's all about exploring that identity.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
The latter requires a lot more research, agreed.
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
oh i know @DanitheCarutor , you write a lot of lgbt characters after all. just adding my thoughts, not diagreeing
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
"If you know what you're doing" is the tricky part though
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Well, that's not that difficult in most cases. There is a sea of available literature.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
There's.... the problem of marginalized folks pointing out concerns in a work, and non-marginalized people dismissing their concerns because they don't see the issue.
Deo101 [Millennium]
It's also really easy to ask a person for their real life experience
People are usually, in my experience, more than willing to take some time and answer a few questions.
DanitheCarutor
On the Magical Boy thing, like I said, it wasn't you all, it was people on a different server and I wanted to bring it up since it's related to the topic. To do a more serious comparison, I've never had psychosis or schizophrenia but I'm writing a character like that. I did a lot of research beforehand though, like, A LOT.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Like for disabilities it's very easily to find all kinds of Medical information, but almost no first hand experience is available. So what happens is people are very accurate medically, but then extrapolate what living like that is like and still end up with a disengenuous story
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Surely, there's available literature on the subject? I'm sure that I could find some.
Deo101 [Millennium]
And Dani, same with me and schizophrenia. It's for a future comic, but I've been researching it and interviewing people for years now to be sure I get a story that would at the very least not hurt them
I mean I would think a better resource would be YouTubers with those things, actually.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
For a lot of topics, it's easier to find a firsthand experiencer willing to talk to you than to find some existing literature on the exact thing you didn't know you needed
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah like My condition is very rare and the best you could find on it for firsthand experience is like. A forum that's super old and inactive
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I still remember one review where the person said "I have a certain disability, and I'm sure this author doesn't have it -- but they know someone who does -- because they're describing the visible symptoms with uncanny accuracy, but are guessing all wrong about how it feels/how it affects your life in invisible ways."
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
That's a huge pitfall, I feel. There can be a big sensitive thing that you aren't even aware is a thing; therefore, you don't think to do any research on that facet.
Deo101 [Millennium]
It's really easy to make a post on social media like "hey can I interview people with ___ for a writing project?"
DanitheCarutor
Openness depends on the topic. It's really hard getting people's experiences with certain mental illnesses, also the small number of people suffering from it. I had a really hard time finding people willing to talk about certain things, especially professionals since they usually don't want to talk to you without paying money for it.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
^ That's also a good point.
Deo101 [Millennium]
That's true
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I think we're going back to the purity thing. You can't expect someone to truly represent the "invisible ways" it affects you very well considering they're...invisible.
Deo101 [Millennium]
You can ask
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
But I would definitely recommend trying to reach out to people with firsthand experience, and seeing if that's an option.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
I've been able to shoot emails off to professors before for questions. They're usually happy to answer a question or two.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
This is not at all like the purity thing IMO.
DanitheCarutor
A decent resource I found was a mental health forum, you have to get accepted to join, but it's basically everyone talking about their experiences with being mentally ill or being a volunteer for mental health care centers. Unfortunately there aren't any psychologists on the forum... Just nurses and caregivers on the non-ill side.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Again, there's a spectrum here...there's all kinds of possibilities between "how dare your extensive research have a single imperfection" and "wow, you didn't even try".
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Yeah, and it's not even a single lane spectrum! It's very complex and multifaceted/multilayered
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
And we're talking about this for marginalized people, but it can apply to any group/culture/situation you're not part of -- just look at any story where a European writer has an American character drive across the US in a couple hours
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
Lmaoooo
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
Or americans write Germans getting lost in their woods.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Alright, multilayered? How so? It's a spectrum from "B'y, you're writing about a black man in the 1700s being exalted in America" to "Why am I reading this ethnic studies textbook?"
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
Naw mate, pick a direction and you‘ll find a street or at least marked trail in half an hour.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Okay, I can't answer that without draining my energy reserve for the next 20 weeks
DanitheCarutor
Lmao! As dumb as it sounds, something like that can also apply to animals. Like the thing Disney did with lemmings, and how Jaws portrayed sharks which caused this spike in shark hunting because everyone thought they were these monsters.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
Would it be possible to summarize?
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
We've talked about a bunch of different aspects already -- like, how well did you research the medical symptoms vs. how well did you represent the day-to-day experience
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
No (at least for me), precisely because it's so complex and multilayered.
RebelVampire
This is a good convo and I am happy everyone has remained civil. That being said, I kind of feel it's gone a bit off-topic for an extended time regarding this week's question
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
it's hard to know what's worth a mature tag or not when even the websites themselves are vague. I started off with a character having the trait of cursing a lot, but then dropped that as i became paranoid of wts content guidelines
but i've gotten a decent audience since then and wts hasn't deleted my pages or anything so(edited)
i have no idea what the line is
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Webtoons is extra mysterious
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I host my own stuff, so I just put warnings up when a specific storyline is going to be more intense than the comic's average
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
because their comment system will auto censor words like "vague" (it becomes "***ue" or something like that) so you'd think they really don't want ANY cursing?
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
yes! that has happened to me
Deo101 [Millennium]
Su***ious
Is one I see a lot
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
someone commented "sperm" on my pages once so i know wt doesn't censor that at least
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
...is that why the kids these days are just saying "sus" now
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
******in's Creed
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
i don't understand what is the swear in suspicious?
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
lmao
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
It's a racial slur in some regions
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
ohhhh
i know what you mean
yeah rip
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
An auto-censor like that just makes a normal discussion forum seem 100x more scandalous/insulting than it actually is...
Deo101 [Millennium]
I got used to talking around then from mmo games ahahaha
Those chats that squelch you if you say one curse or something close to it by accident
But! On topic, I think asking whether something is too mature is a good idea, having a kind of beta audience or sensitivity reader kind of thing.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I think it's fine to make your own judgment calls as long as you're consistent, so readers know the same things will be reliably warned for
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
a beta reader wouldn't neccessarily know more about wt than me though
when it comes to blurry content guidelines that is
might help with mature or triggering content
because your tolerance might be different from other people's
Deo101 [Millennium]
Oh I mean like "hmmm I think this is a bit much. Do you think this is a bit much?"
And they go "na this seems like pg 13 to me." Or "hmmm I think it could probably freak someone out you might wanna lightly warn."
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
it's a blurry line because sometimes an arm getting ripped off stylishly is less triggering than a realistic depiction of like, a fingernail being ripped off
just gotta go by feeling, i suppose
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yep
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I agree that this is a case where there's no reason to think a beta reader has better judgment than you have yourself
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
yeah my friends are all like me
DanitheCarutor
WTs is weird. I used to have my comic up there totally uncensored, they featured it on the front page for about a month, but when someone flagged the nudity they wouldn't put the pages back up. Like... you think they would have known already? The nude scene is within the first 20 pages.
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
and don't think much of gore and swearing and such
fuck dani don't say that you're making me paranoid again
RebelVampire
Classic it only takes one person to ruin something for everyone else
DanitheCarutor
@Eightfish (Puppeteer) From what I've seen of your nude scenes, I don't think anyone will really notice. I didn't even notice until you brought it up one time on here... or maybe it was in the Webcomic Updates server.
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
i hope so but as rebel said only takes one staff member
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Can i just chime in to say that the auto censoring with what y'all have said about WT really turns me off from that platform. Not into a site having that power, regardless of who uses it. It's like we said here, be responsible with your work with tags, but that extra hand in the pot makes me think of tumblr style censors and im not a fan.
Does tapas do that too?
Deo101 [Millennium]
Webtoon doesn't really have tags, it just has a toggle for a series being mature
They both do
So they don't get removed from app stores
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Ye i guessed as much
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Tapas has this feature that lets creators tag individual episodes as mature. BUT there is an additional layer -- if your comic is too mature even with the mature tag, they're forced to hide it from their iOS app, due to Fruit Company regulations.
DanitheCarutor
WT is trash, and the reader base is made up of children, don't go there! Tapas is pretty alright, they're fine with my comic being uncensored there, and they don't censor comments.
Yeah, there's what Keii said about the Apple app too.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
And it's up to Fruit Company to determine whether it's too mature or not. (Mine is too mature because of body hair, and I was told they'd put it back on the app if I erased the body hair in a specific episode)
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Still not a fan of that kind of censorship. And i agree with dani
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
ohh yeah i remember that body hair thing kei
DanitheCarutor
Oh crap, were we not supposed to name drop the app?
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Excuse me body hair
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Webtoons on the other hand will straight up remove any too mature episodes across all of their platform...s (site, iOS, android) if Google says "this is too mature"
Deo101 [Millennium]
I don't think it's censorship, it's more not allowing certain things on your platform
They're not saying you can't make it just that you can't post it there
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
It is censorship U cant post ur piece in its intended form
Like....body hair Wtf
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I think that depends on how you define censorship
In any case, it's definitely not ideal.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
That is so .... Like Way to show what standards they want
DanitheCarutor
Gah the body hair thing. Thinking about it, I never got contacted by Tapas about my comic's mature content, but they probably knew trying to censor it would be a lost cause. Lol They probably just threw straight off the app.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
That's horrible Dani
DanitheCarutor
Naah, I don't mind. It's still allowed on the desktop site, and that's the only version I use so it's like nothing ever happened.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Still a gross move on their part. Not enthused with the passion to appease app stores with removing content that isn't 'suitable', but that is a diff convo.
DanitheCarutor
As one last derailing bit, if you're ever looking for a hosting site, Comicfury is the best for mature and adult work. They don't censor ANYTHING! Except hate-speech.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Oh i keep seeing more and more talk about that! Can i ask u more about it in shop talk?
DanitheCarutor
Sure, go ahead! I'll answer to the best of my abilities.
Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)
Wow
Just caught up
Back to the warnings thing...(edited)
In my experience, there are certain reasonable leaps in seriousness in comics, and other times when it appears jarring and out of nowhere, but in that case, I think it's simply bad writing, unless of course, it's a genre like horror.
But I think an author deciding to put content warnings should be up to the author on a case by case basis.
There are simply too many variables to come up with specific ground rules
As an example, I have a scene later on in my comic where a child dies. I don't show how it happens, but I was planning on showing the body afterwards. Nothing too gruesome, but definitely some broken bones. And I have been told completely opposite things, that it should be okay because I'm not showing the actual death, and on the other side, that showing the body at all is terrible, and I shouldn't do it. My concern is... If I don't show the body, how will the readers know that the child is dead? And how will I show the reactions of the other characters? It's just too complicated and specific of an issue to rely on general guidelines.
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
B'ys, the real answer is to stop writing webcomics altogether! I'm telling ye! no webcomic, no problem!
I mean, sure, we'll be bereft of artistic output and dreams will be crushed...but hey, less stuff to do. Silver lining.
Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)
what you mean most of us has made somewhat a living doing comics lol(edited)
Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)
Lol, I want to make comics so uhhhhh???
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
Aw...That sounds sad but depends how the body is presented? I mean I've seen mystery games with afew dead characters? Not a child yet.(edited)
Sometimes I've seen Anime do a light censorship by showing a bloodied child's shoe or gloves, or an arm but it can be disturbing(edited)
Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)
It's just that... dead children is a sensitive topic
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Yeah, a limp arm is what I often see
DanitheCarutor
I think it's because showing dead children is considered taboo? Like some games where you can kill other characters won't give you the ability to kill children, as well as movies that show character deaths won't show a child's death. It might be too insensitive for some people because children are innocent, and many people have had/are having kids, so showing them might be extra upsetting? At least that's what I assume is the reason behind someone saying not to show the child's death.
Ah, didn't notice Cronaj already said it in much fewer words.
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
Ah yes, that reminds me that there are places where I put up different warnings than what the comic has - my side stories. Since my side stories are often ways for me to explore different styles of storytelling than the comic proper, they can often have different themes. Off the top of my head - one side story I wrote had a warning for cussing, one had a warning for descriptions of violence against a child, and one had a warning for getting in a bit deep into a character's PTSD. (oddly enough, both of those latter warnings were in reference to the same character, just with a time gap of a few years. though the PTSD in the one story involved a completely different event than the violence depicted in the other story. pejiba's had it rough)
Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!
@Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!) , @Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) , I was making a joke. :p
sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)
I think the worst thing I'm going to show visually is a dead body and the whole story is about there being a dead body so I don't feel the need for any additional internal content warnings. I think my rule of thumb is just not to show anything that would be more shocking or upsetting than the premise of the comic would have you expect, and to have all warnings at the outset.
I agree with snuffysam's approach to separating darker and scarier content into side stories with their own content warnings or at least I would take a similar approach myself. It's okay to make stories that depict difficult topics but I think it's better not to disrupt the flow of a more lighthearted story if it can be avoided. Exploring difficult topics outside of the main story is a good solution to that
sagaholmgaard
I put a content warning the first time there was some violence and blood in my comic, since the previous pages had been mostly cute so I figured it was warranted. I'm coming up to the second time something potentially triggering happens- a guy gets killed 'on screen', but I don't think it's rendered in a worse way than the first time so I'm considering whether it's good to warn every time a scene like this comes up or if the first warning is enough to readers to have opted out if they dont want that sort of content
chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]
I had a read-up on age ratings and found out Nyx+Nyssa would fall under PEGI-16 due to realistic violence towards human characters, and will simply stick a 16+ sign into the corner of my page, which links to a conscience explanation why.
Desnik
So recently I've joined a writer's group and they ask people to stick warnings upfront so that readers can opt out of reading something that will upset them. I've found that it's helpful to warn for things that cause certain phobias, religious criticism, and minority experiences depicted w/o a sensitivity reader's guidance. I would also warn for drugs/alcohol usage since reading about that kind of experience can be a trigger for addictions.
I don't tend to write about anything super visceral but when reading I know I appreciate warnings about certain types of gore or violence
I think it's beneficial to be extremely specific with tags because for some reason YA-rated stuff can be very violent (so that makes age-based ratings completely nonsensical). Also not every story is going to treat serious issues with the same gravity so I think it's helpful to mention if some aspect is being treated in a melodramatic/unrealistic manner on purpose.(edited)
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
Like a standard comic might take say... 10 pages or more. Webtoon tends to shorten this roughly by half. Or by the 3rd or 4th episode, that major plot point happens.(edited)
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I feel "have a natural flow" is easier said than done, and also can mean very different things for different stories, and even different readers responding to one story.
(Maybe we should move this to shop talk as it's not relevant to this week's topic?)
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
oh this is in shop talk? ok, I thought creator babble was relevant to this.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Nah, creator babble, if I understand it correctly, is specifically for weekly questions. This week's question is about content warnings
AntiBunny
My story is heavily inspired by film noir, so I think the occasional burst of violence should be expected.
#ctparchive#comics#webcomics#indie comics#comic chat#comic discussion#creator interview#comic creator interview#creator babble#comic tea party#ctp
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FROM THE VAULTS: CLAUDIA LA ROCCO ON CEDAR SIGO’S SELECTED WRITINGS
Ugly Duckling Presse is inviting artists and writers to respond to their favorite titles for our new backlist blog series From the Vaults. Our sixth contributor is writer Claudia La Rocco, with an appreciation of Cedar Sigo’s Selected Writings (2003; second edition 2005), Sigo’s first book.
Obviously there is
For & after Cedar Sigo’s Selected Writings
The little red book* curving so pleasingly inside my back pocket, against me
Your words therefore also curving
Recently you gave a lecture on Barbara Guest, in a wood-paneled room (was it?) in a school on a hill, in a city adjacent to my city, the city that used to be yours. I walked all the way there. I was not dressed for how cold it was. I could not quiet my mind. These are the notes I took, now hopelessly, magically** unmoored from context:
I seem to have fashioned my own essential set of weaponry …intrigue, but without a plot; it is the cut of language which holds us breathless… an immediate privacy … sometimes the muse needs only an imagined audience of one …I try and keep it hovering, and ready to invade…
**That magically is embarrassing, and yet it wants to stay. I am overwriting because I want to please you, CS. Forgive me. I have special considerations/for intense associates — as you might say. Have said, that is, have written, have published in this little red book.
But now since they are out of context they can address themselves, your words, which do indeed hold me (at first “us,” but no, forget it, no theoretical readers here) breathless. Silky lines, and then a snag in the fabric, something earthy erupts and upends. It is a type of magic, to hear the line that no one else hears, to hear it so well you know just when to fuck it up. Paper magic.
The gem is still controlled. It is very controlled.
Because some of us (sic) are not listening, the message repeats. Burning orange. Burning red.
More than fifteen years old already, these words. Teenagers. Absolute panic.
All of the bars are uneven
The people, you say, are so sometimey
The spinning wheel cannot be slowed
The pages grow dog-eared, the cover dented and nicked.
I’m not so sure you don’t mean to be bad
Youyouyou, baby, the song (history) repeats
The promise of blood
I have built myself a fountain
And your words
They run darkly shimmering down the long, still hallways
*ed’s note: Cedar Sigo’s Selected Writings was published in 2003 as a 6.5x8.5” shiny green book with a purple flyleaf, one of UDP’s earliest publications (in fact, our very first full-length perfect bound book); the second edition, published two years later, included ten additional poems, and came in the form of a little 4.5x7” book with an offset & letterpress red cover.
CLAUDIA LA ROCCO is a writer whose work frequently involves interdisciplinary collaborations. Her books include the selected writings The Best Most Useless Dress (Badlands Unlimited), the chapbook I am trying to do the assignment ([2nd Floor Projects]) and the sf novel petit cadeau (published by the Chocolate Factory Theater in print, performance, and digital editions). With musician/composer Phillip Greenlief she is animals & giraffes, an ongoing experiment in improvisation. She has written for Artforum, BOMB, and The New York Times, where she was a critic and reporter from 2005-2015. La Rocco is editor in chief of SFMOMA’s interdisciplinary commissioning platform Open Space.
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Mr. Laufeyson's Ward
TITLE: Mr. Laufeyson’s Ward
CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 18
AUTHOR: goddessofmischief
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you are living in the late 1800’s and your parents pass away due to a tragic accident. Leaving you an orphan, you are sent to a miserable orphanage. Then, a mysterious and harsh man named Loki visits the orphanage and takes you on as his ward. He brings you to his crumbling mansion in the English countryside, where you face his cruel intentions, and eventually discover that you care for him much more than you’d like to admit.
RATING: T
NOTES: This unexpected chapter shall probably come as a surprise to most of you. I have been super busy: applying to grad schools, getting into my preferred one, and beginning my studies. I can’t say that my updates shall be regularly posted from now on (which they never were any way), but here is something to dissipate the ongoing silence since I last posted… 7 months ago. Wow. I really am sorry for the delay, but thank you so much for sticking around. Enjoy! ♥︎
I began to take notice of a change in Loki shortly after my eighteenth birthday.
At first they were little things that I did not initially question, such as the way in which Loki would fall into a sort of trance while I was talking to him, his index finger brushing his upper lip in deep contemplation. Or how I would find him in the morning sleeping soundly at the desk in his study, his head resting on a plethora of mighty volumes: a clear sign that he had never retired to his room the previous night.
On one particular morning, I padded quietly over to him to gaze over his shoulder at the books he had been reading and found that all of them were filled with peculiar diagrams and archaic runes that were completely indiscernible to me.
One diagram stood out to me though: it was that of a man being transfigured in some way. The illustrated figure on the page seemed to be in mid-transformation and the diagram was not unlike Michelangelo’s Vitruvian Man.
I then turned my head slightly to analyze another book placed next to it but instead came face-to-face with Loki.
I gasped, and he answered with a soft, amused chuckle.
“Well aren’t you a nosy little mouse.” He muttered in a raspy, just-awoken tone, as his hands quickly took my waist and settled me onto his lap. I gave out a squeak, which caused him to laugh even more. I calmed down as his arms wrapped tenderly about me, and he rested his head beside mine, inhaling deeply. The relaxing scent of his bergamot and sandalwood based cologne enveloped me in a warm cocoon.
“You never pass up the opportunity of getting your head stuck in a book, hm?” He asked, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
My curiosity got the best of me as I posed a question for him. “What are those runes, Loki?”
He paused, before closing the book that was directly before him: the one that I had questioned.
“They belong to an ancient language. One that is only used by a civilization that is highly dissimilar to yours - I mean, ours.” He quickly corrected himself, and I knew that he had hoped this had gone unnoticed by me, but it did not.
Was this society the one that he belonged to? The one that he had returned to on account of a threatening war?
The one that he was keeping hidden from me?
Something was consuming his thoughts, and I intended to find out just what it was.
In the meantime, I was continuing my visits to the Blythe’s farm. Agnes and her parents were getting on splendidly, and on those days of my visits, I would assist them with the farm work while wearing my orphanage uniform and an apron. As I didn’t mind getting my hands dirty, even though Agnes continuously urged me that it was not proper for a ‘lady’ to get herself involved in such proceedings, I happily tended to whatever needed to be done.
They also had assistance on most days from Benjamin, the hired farmhand - who Agnes had developed a deep affection for that had yet to be requited.
Loki, who seemed busier than he had ever been before, even persuaded me to accept the Blythe’s invitation to stay for supper on most nights. As it was summer and the days were much longer, it was still light outside when it was time for me to mount Arabella and return to Heathcote.
Even though I took great pleasure in the simple comforts of Agnes’ home, as well as Mrs Blythe’s savoury meals, I was slightly saddened by the notion that Loki was attempting to push me away, and that he had more important matters to tend to.
As I didn’t want to be considered a nuisance in the eyes of my future husband, upon returning home I would convey Arabella to Dickon in the stables and then hurry up to my room, not bothering to take my bonnet and light cloak off until I was once inside.
And then, I would wait.
For any sort of call that would indicate that I was sought by Loki. That I was wanted.
But nothing would come.
I refused to shed a tear, even when one evening I opened up the cherished book of poems that Loki had composed for me and traced my fingers over his fine handwriting. Even when I cradled the single carnation in the palm of my hand: the one flower that had been the first to bloom in our garden. I had cried too often ever since I had come to Heathcote and had, in countless instances, let down my guard. I had to be strong, and self-reliant, once again.
Upon safely storing the book away into one of my desk compartments, I noticed a peculiar movement of light out the window closest to me, as I had forgotten to draw close the curtains earlier that night. It had been a transitory flicker at first, but then I noticed it again out of the corner of my eye. It had shifted slightly more upwards this time but was still clearly observable from my viewpoint.
I trained my eye to outside the window before finally detecting where it had come from.
The tower in the far wing of the house.
I had only been in this wing on that day that I assisted Elsie with her task of cleaning those neglected rooms, which had turned out to be just a cruel assignment from Loki, as no one had stepped foot inside them since then.
Mabel, who was seated on a tufted velvet pillow on a chair nearby, gave out a soft whine, and I reached out my hand to comfort her - not allowing my eyes to leave the appointed spot through the window.
There it was again.
The silhouetted individual carrying the candlestick passed by another window at the uppermost part of the tower staircase, before the light finally escaped from my view and was seen no more. I closed the drapes with surrender, and unable to keep my eyes open for long, I found my feet and crawled inside my bed, drifting to sleep at once due to my exhaustion from all the farm work I had done earlier that day.
The following night and many nights after that, the light going up that winding staircase was seen time and time again, usually just before midnight.
I decided to question Loki about it one morning at breakfast, which was usually the only time I saw him as Mrs Cunningham provided me with a packed lunch to bring with me to the farm and I never encountered him upon my return in the evenings.
He did not usually act indifferently to me, as you might think, reader, but was instead most doting and attentive.
But on this morning, his demeanour had altered when I raised a question.
“I wish to ask you something, sir.”
“What troubles you, my darling?” He asked while buttering his toast. His green eyes steadily looked at me from across the table, which situated amongst the sumptuous array of breakfast foods was an exquisite crystal vase filled with white lilies from the garden.
As I met his intense gaze I slightly tensed up, but immediately found this reaction to be foolish and stoically proceeded.
“Is the tower in the wing opposite from mine currently in use?”
Before replying to my question he languidly took a bite of his toast and regarded the front page of the newspaper that was, as customary, positioned beside his plate. It was as though he had been expecting this question all this time, for he was not startled by it in the least.
“Tower? What tower?” He replied, his eyes still on today’s headlines.
“I believe you know exactly which tower I am referring to.” I folded my arms across my chest in frustration.
He shook his head in opposition. “No, I do not, Victoria. The only tower I know of has been locked up for years.” With this he took a final bite of his toast, leaving the crust on the toile patterned dish before him. “Well, I best be going. I have got a lot of reading to do. Please give my warmest regards to Agnes and her family this morning.”
He touched my shoulder as he walked past my chair and then departed for his study, which he would lock himself inside for most of the day unless he had a meeting with one of his tenants.
We no longer kissed, nor did we embrace.
He only acknowledged me with platonic gestures, and these signs of fatherlike affection, if you were to even classify them as such, led me to believe that nothing had transpired to alter our relationship.
It made me feel that I was still just his ward.
¨¨¨°º0º°¨¨¨
Time passed, as it always does.
I slipped into a state of deep melancholy, yet nobody suspected any change in my feelings, for I had become an expert at disgusting them. I acted before others as though a veil of happiness was permanently shrouded over me.
But it was not easy for me to remain nonplussed when Loki was before me.
Because when I was with him, all of those happy moments came back to me. They were replayed in my mind as though I was watching them through the stereographic viewer we once looked at together: when one memory disappeared from view, it wasn’t long until another one was set into place.
On a hot morning in early July, I was picking strawberries in the far corner of the Blythe’s property. They had been planted earlier in the year by a farmer at an adjacent farm, who had been paid by Loki to maintain the fields until a new tenant could be found. Agnes was tending to a nearby row, while her parents had started at the opposite corner.
Agnes was not foolish.
She could always see right through me and knew that something had changed just about a week after my birthday.
“Any signs of improvement?” She asked me, as she plucked a ripe strawberry off of a nearby vine and placed it into her basket.
I shook my head as I also continued to add more of the fruit to my growing batch. “No, there have been none.” A strong gust of wind then came that practically blew my straw hat off of my head, but I quickly caught it and tugged it firmly back down.
She sighed dramatically. “What is wrong with men? One minute they shower you with fancy gifts and an adorable puppy, and the next they decide to ignore you completely!” She articulated this in a fiery whisper so her parents couldn’t overhear the content of our conversation, but then she showed remorse by kneeling beside me and taking both of my hands in hers.
“I’m sorry, Vic… but the wedding is a little less than two months away, which leaves plenty of time for things to fall back into place.”
“Yes, perhaps you are right. Thank you.” I gently squeezed her hands to show my gratitude for her words before returning to my work. I didn’t wish to dwell on the matter for too long.
To lighten up the conversation, I returned to a subject that was sure to make Agnes blush.
“So how is it going with Benj-”
“SHHH,” She hushed at once. “He’s just over there!”
She was right. I had initially thought that he was not working today, for I hadn’t seen him earlier. But he was tending to the farm animals, in his fresh, unsoiled clothes, as if was still early in the morning, and wearing his trusted bowler cap. His golden hair stood out against the black matted felt of his hat and his blue eyes attentively regarded each of the chickens that were situated in the pen before him.
“He’ll come around soon,” I remarked, after which we fell into a fit of laughter that only ceased when he looked over at us a gave us a friendly wave, in which he then smiled tenderly at Agnes in particular. She smiled back sweetly before returning to her strawberries.
“Perhaps you might even be wed before me!” I added in a whisper.
A small mound of dirt was inconspicuously flicked onto my skirt in response.
After our day’s work, and a tasty supper, I shared my gratitude for the Agnes and her family’s hospitality. Before going to collect Arabella in the stable, they presented me with a wrapped bundle of strawberries to take back home with me, which I securely placed in my small carpet bag that attached to Arabella’s saddle.
Arabella was well taken care of by Mr Blythe and Benjamin throughout the day and received many carrots and bales of hay to feed on. Benjamin had just briefly groomed and saddled her moments before I was set to head out. She always whinnied when I approached.
“Hey there Arabella, ready to go home?”
Another neigh from her prompted me to lead her outside before I mounted and urged Arabella forward in a canter. Going down the dirt path, I then turned right towards the road that led me back towards Heathcote.
Night had yet to descend, but the skies had turned overcast: a clear sign of an oncoming storm. The powerful moorland winds rushed past my face, disheveling my pinned up hair and singing a harsh cacophony into my ears.
And then there was a distinct call from my right.
“Miss! Miss! Please help!”
I immediately pulled on the reigns, bringing Arabella to a sharp halt. After looking briefly around, I detected a figure lying down amongst a nearby plot of heather, which was now in full bloom. From my viewpoint, I could see that it was a heavy set man settled hopelessly on the ground, a few feet away from the road.
He let out a cry of agony before he continued to speak, his voice was in a thick Yorkshire dialect. “Miss, I’m injured! Please help me to the village. My horse ran off after I fell.”
I quickly got down from Arabella while commanding her to stay in her place. I hastily went over to where the man was lying and inquired about what had happened.
“My horse got startled when he spotted an adder on the road and I have twisted my ankle.”
I got down on my knees to examine his injury, but then things became all a blur.
The man took me by my shoulders and threw me backwards. He then swiftly took his small pistol out of his pocket and shot a round into the sky to frighten Arabella. She ran off pell-mell down the road, leaving me deserted and without any means of returning home.
But my thoughts were only momentarily positioned on this, for something else was happening. An excessive force was pushing me down onto the grouse, as a hand was fumbling to pull up my skirts.
“Mhm, it looks like my days of planning for this moment shall finally pay off. It became like clockwork eventually. You have always been quite punctual.”
I screamed as loud as I could and began to squirm excessively underneath him as I finally knew what his true intent was. But my scream could only be heard for a second, as a large, sweaty palm was clamped over my mouth. With a sharp tilt of my head, I evaded his hand just enough to allow me to bite down forcefully on his index finger.
He yelped as he shook his hand in pain and from my position I could see that I had drawn blood.
However, he did not withdraw his body weight from on top of me.
“You little bitch!” He shouted bitterly. He then fumbled for the pistol in his pocket and aimed it towards me. “Don’t make me use this on you!” He warned.
I immediately froze and shut my eyes closed in fright, cowering my head down towards my chest.
“Loki…” I desperately whispered to myself, but the man had overheard me.
He laughed maliciously at my pitiful call for help. “He can’t help you out here, sweetie. No one can.”
A husky, menacing voice answered with a growl.
“You’re wrong, Lawrence.”
#Loki#Lover#Angst#God of Mischief#Submitted fic#submission#chapter 18#goddessofmischief#mr. laufeysons ward
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TheSubjectArticle Bible LegalBriefClassics ProofPositivePoems Ch3 Inspiration/Encouragement Pg.406 on a Scale of "5" the(13th Page) is Poem Brief "Hall of Fame & Family Toni Esposito" Body of the Poem from Start to Finish Poem Inside a Poem Do We need to improve it.....
SAM Esposito Baseball Hall of Fame & Family…Dad of Toni Esposito
One of the few major league Athletes who stayed on One Major League Baseball Team His Entire Career at North Carolina State is where He played his Collegiate Baseball (1 of 10)
before Becoming a 3rd Baseman for the Chicago White Sox Major League Baseball Team. He was an Excellent Family Man with a Loving Wife & Sports Minded Children with a Big Appetite for Success. (2 of 10)
If, DNA played a part, it may of Skipped a Generation…for her & her ____Dedication Throbbing ____Recipe Thumping ____Short Term Turning Expense Paying ____Thumper of a Heart Saugatuck Back Flip (3 of 10)
I Guess We had a Smooth Start to a Smooth Finish June made Up Spring ____Summer Heat July Ring ____If Victory was ours ____Knight Up.....Toni, Toni, Toni, Dear Toni ____Sensation Adulation Heartfelt Temptation Chest2Chest Bring it Back Nature's Harmony____ (4 of 10)
38DTD---25Rounds of Motion Offense Natural Play---38Wide Defensive Hip Flexors that more than Slide 5’9” Match Play DDD Hips 153 Pounds of Watermelon Cantaloupe Melons also deserve Legend making Guacamole Saugatuck Holy Ground Mix Healthy Caught Up Weight Make it up… (5 of 10)
Catch up…Back it up…Can you…? Did he… Did U…. How the Imaginations knows how the Heart Goes…I Never Broke our Codes of Silence and or Bond…I Never Did tell Anybody ____Your Donut Dunkin was better with Semi Truck Cab Participation (6 of 10)
than Starbuck Good indulging in Good Favorite T.V. Shows Line Up Unapologetic Taste ____As Good As Real Good.....What did We See or do...? What did U see or do...? How ____Good was the____Approach was it ____on Course…? And Darlinggg ____if it was Good as Jeopardy.... (7 of 10)
We was Never looking down. And right there where we stood was holy grounddddd Our School Years…..UNCW…. Daddy’s Little Girl many Skills Foot Speed Snail like Aloof… 3 Point Shooter 2 Guard Tri-Delta or Chi Omega (8 of 10)
was it the Spring Cottage The Beach House or the Summer Loft Wrightsville Beach Next Door Neighbor Gated Community Beach Dedication Elation Vibration Excessive Feelings or Flirtation or Alarm (9 of 10)
I transferred to Chapel Hill University of North Carolina Fall 1997… Why did U Run____...? Knight Him….Didn’t Even Invite Him Until 2 Years Later… ____I Just Wanted to ____Slowdown & Go Skiing….me too.... (10 of 10)
The Fiend to Phenomenal…the Venture to Success ____Phenom or Female Imagination could of Set in or ____We Could of Adapted to Your Songbird Wilderness Imagination Did We Set it Off.…____ (11 of 22)
And Darlinggg ____the more I Prayed through the more God came through.... Never looking down. And right there where We Stood was Holy Grounddddd I Gave Him the ____Hippie Mood Good Job Coasting it was a Rollercoaster like Ride (12 of 22)
____2nd Time not a Goal ____Love Affection Appreciates Shake Off Return Dream Your Dream Dailed in Rock like Joint Forces ____"Boom" Special Services ____in Consideration to My Coaching & his ____Toe Tapping Hit Snooze Dropped Toe Touching (13 of 22)
Resurrection Trucking Pulpit ____the Sun Resurrected me into Coaching & ____him Driving ____Service Appreciation ____God like Services was Appreciated. “ I ____Tipped Him Off Andrea's Fault Love Shook me &or Him to Its Core (14 of 22)
by more ____than Participation Grading Remarks &or Coaching…” The Mid-Night Lifestyle was Never to much Love & Family Trepidation Revelation ____Aloft Foot Speed if She had Make Up Notes… We Always Danced to Each Other’s Tunes (15 of 22)
Do U Remember ____Bessie’s Dance Floor on Front Street Grind on Grind Off We Sent We Spent Going Away Movie Time____Sweating the ____Entire Time ____No Future in Our ____Fronting SugarBeat Spring ____1996 1997____ (16 of 22)
If it Required No Panties OUR Answer Must of Been OMG Invest in me.....Did U or I set it Up or Off Well Wishing Real Life Skills ____Perfection Drills Perfection…? ____Fork in the Road Full Size Took Off Laid Back Relaxed Suspended Shoulder & Ankles He was Full Tilted (17 of 22)
& I on a Timing Throttled Laid Back 90 Degree Angle Adjacent____Leaning Pace into & out of & onto Driving Box Squat from Deer Stand Two Ways He Could of ____Drove 4 Three Hours Done the P Pop No Tap Out No Water Breaks Wet Water is Friction____ (18 of 22)
a Sensual Heated Hot Fission was it her Mission.…She Tapped out at 45Minutes Mid Adjacent Perpendicular like Choppa 5 Feet in the Air ____Where Parallels Last Longer than Mid Night Showers Let's Go Bare Naked Moon Stick a Fork in me I was Done Call me Old Fashion____ (19 of 22)
Catcher of the Rye She Tapped Out at Noon…Mid Lateral to Ground Perpendicular to Parallel U only loved me 4my Big Sunglasses Little Red Wagon Teepee…U did most all the Inventing We Backed it up…You the Inventor of I Got Plans about Sleepover Career Nightstand____ (20 of 22)
____Dr.Johnson Banana Slamming Potassium Non indigenous people still Say ____Liquid Plasma also Saves Lives Release Creative Calling Your Tribe or My imagination feelings & Sighted that what has Never been seen does not mean it can’t be Done Inventions… (21 of 22)
SheMoreThan Invited PositionCall of Sight &or PerfectionWellDeserved BoomboxHousingExpert Leggo Tow2Toe Inventions WereWe in theMiddle of SpaceSuspendedTogether HoldingEachOtherUp On a Wall or WereWe in theMiddle of theCarlos Carlos Carlos Carlos or was thatThe 1 Time (22 of 22)
I was Thanking Toni Do you Remember our Freshman & Sophomore Year ____1995 to 1997 UNCW…I said or thought…. ____you or me were 5 Years Away from a Wedding Cake….. (23 of 33)
____When We let the Cat out the Bag ____Funding our Travel Issues Miss You Much August 1997 during ____The Missionary Event before the Big Move In & Out of Deer Stands ____not after the Final Finish or the ____Finale…” (24 of 33)
I had never seen the or that Personality come up out of you…” ____Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos ____Good is Good & God is Good ____Okay & in the Name of Jesus____Merry a ____Shaolin Monk____They Got Timing ____They Got Precision____ (25 of 33)
____Gracious Goodness We was the Who's who of the Who's who who got Faded you ____Showed me…. I Thought Summer of 1998 What a Surprise Dream Big ____Apparently me too… (26 of 33)
“…I Said No…? You Said….but I want too..... Did I think ____Wow Let's Taco about it Go Ahead take your taste buds South of the Border to Lil Italy…? (27 of 33)
____There she goes Again ____looking at my… ____me looking at her Amazing… ____Wow Everything…was ____Wow Was Everything Amazing like 11 Days without Water….. 40 Days Without Rain….? (28 of 33)
WATER… Knight Him…The Sports Deity God King Him One Nation Indivisible with Liberty & Justice for All….I Almost did…Pledge…I Almost did Say the… I Almost did Say the Pledge of… (29 of 33)
I Almost did Say the Pledge of Allegiance Outloud like you ____to Myself to the Bounce of all Your Guacamole Melon Sugar Beat Mix Assisted The Einstein Conscious ____Sugaratuck Body Cleanse Photographic Nuclear Remix Mind Codes Southern Foundation (30 of 33)
Holdings Atomic Entities Melon Guacamole Watermelon Wisdom Wisdom Charismatic Means I never got to tell you ____from my Personal Private Solo Shared Perspective the View of what We Shared... ThroughEachOther ThroughEachOther’s Eyes of (31 of 33)
What I saw &how I KeptGoing &Why…I just Couldn’t let you down Smiling &Holding all the United Kingdom Royal TakeOn HealthyJuggle HughPresentationals Hammock Took &Booked Automotive Joys of Love Making Music Gifts of Motherhood & Life Seemed (32 of 33)
Presidential Southern Staples Seen Prudential Saw Free Willing 3 Wheeling was it Hot in Cleveland Big League Presentations Grab 'em Twice or Clutch Once ____Big Hug Flotations Order Ahead May Flower March Winds Rodeo Perception Surprise 21...TheTrophy Girlfriend 1976… (33 of 33)
As if all in One Hand Your Request Pick me up ____from The Buck it is Your Move I never did it ever again it must of been Your Request that Done it ____Medically 153 Pounds is alot of Weight for that movement in positions (34 of 46)
____Ginger Bread Cookie Dough Slamming ____Presidentual or Prudential Insurance more than her own Boost me Up Surprise… Hold me Up Hold Up Don’t Drop me Holdem Together those Female ____Toni Sopranos ____Do Little... (35 of 46)
Don't Knock Yourself out Osha As if the Hawaiian Carolina Sun was coming through the Big Windows causing all of the Heat and Water Sweating all over me ____in Back-up and or in Pure Production… (36 of 46)
Perfect they wereLARGE you did YourJob you kept himGoing… I AlwaysThought after it…Perfection…What a Fucking Workout Hope you Enjoyed.... theScenry &Communication was Unreal you Kept me Laughing "OMFG" Salami &Chips has No Feelings from Fucking when doing BenchSquats (37 of 46)
Who the CHAMPION….? Who the Championship…? Who the Co-Captains to the Champions….? How Many Championships We need….? Who Made the Champs…? Who the Pilot…? Who the Pistol…? Who got the Guns…? (38 of 46)
Who the Navigator…? Who Taxed that….? Who throw it back…? Who Taxied the Prepositional…? Who Giggled on & off with in the G-Force of Hurricane…As if…As…Who put the Bump in the Thump..? The Ride in Thighs… (39 of 46)
The Locomotion to Train…Treble Base Throb also Triple Threat in My D Major… Minor Major Minor Opera Alto to Equalizer Pitching to Jack Knife Almost Black Jacked 19____ (40 of 46)
____ The 1 Time my Backbone Held Up Constant Hold with___Visual Eye Contact in Doggy Style ____Charger We Changed Up the ____Buck ____and The Rise in Surprise ____and The Motion in Phenom (41 of 46)
the Real Good Better than Good Understood Friendship in Each Other’s Eyes… ____You Kept Me Motivated The Mirror was Yours…Who Throw it Back…? Who Taxied…? Who didn’t need no Liquor…? (42 of 46)
Tenor Clef C-Clefs Alto Clef Baritone Clef Mezzo-Soprano Clef Soprano Clef Treble'N Bass My Sweet Esposito…The Combined MVP’s Do We need to make time… Whose Imagination was the Fire Starter (43 of 46)
“… Staff & Rod… Who was theFireStarter to theFirecracker 4th of July Independent LibertyBowl GiveGivenGave…Release BS Bowl Bombay Sapphire Sweet Treat Who was Hitting What was Written for the World Record Co-Champs &or Do WeStill Hold the Sights &Sounds HistoryTitle…? (44 of 46)
If WeStill HoldTheTitle....WhoGotTheMost ExerciseCreativity…? WhoGot theMostCreativity…? WhoGot theMostCreative PastGirlfriend &or DidWeJust MakeTheMost out of Summer Imaginations &or HeatSyncing BattleshipReady MakeBelieve MayBelieve ____PositionRulesTraining (45 of 46)
Hot Damn One Helluva Weekend for Nodding & Posterity Give me me Give me Mine I Love to Own Did We Belong in Each Others Favorite Lifestyles…Ship me me Ship me Mine My My My We started out Standing on Holy Grown the Second Time Around….Remained me Remained Mine.... (46 of 46)
TheSubjectArticle Bible LegalBriefClassics Ch.3 Pg.406 on a Scale of "5" the(13th Page) is Poem Brief "Hall of Fame & Family Toni Esposito" Body of the Poem from Start to Finish Poem Inside a Poem Do We need to improve it.....I am unable to make corrections on hard copies.....
The Subject Article Bible Legal Brief Classics Proof Positive Poems Ch.3 the Book of Inspiration & Encouragement of Optimism Actions or Opportunities Pg.407 on a Scale of "5" the (13th Page) is Poem Brief "Hall of Fame & Family Toni Esposito" ____ https://t.co/cRr001347B
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JOURNAL 3 BLACKLIGHT EDITION REVEALED! (Part 3)
Oh boy. This is it. The final stretch.
A New Concern: “What if he wins? It is a thought to horrible to imagine, but imagine it I must. If Bill succeeds in opening the gateway between worlds, it will result in an… Odd-pocalypse? Weird-mergency? Unsual-tastrophe? No matter. If the big day arrives, coming up with a catchy nickname for it will be the least of my worries. To prepare for this worst-case scenario, I have begun stocking my old research bunker with supplies, rations, and weapons. I also tried to choose which theoretical physics books would be most fun to spend 50 years rereading, but they’re all so great I couldn’t decide!” [Picture of the Unseen Eye with the caption “Saw this symbol again recently!”]
Hiding Spot? page: “In case of catastrophe.” [The tree leading down the bunker is shown, with a staircase winding around it to the roots, with “danger!” pointing down, ending in a rectangle with “prepare for the end” inside.] “LAST RESORT – hopefully cryonics have sustained. Watch out for Shifty.”
Page left of Security Room: “I need to stop spending time down in this bunker. I was reprogramming my security code when I could have sworn I heard someone speaking to me. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I suppose I was voted “most paranoid” in junior high, bt I thought I had gotten over that phase. Then again, maybe that’s what people wanted me to think: that I wasn’t paranoid anymore so they could start plotting against me, plotting to take my precious thoughts, my MIND-thoughts! Okay, I’ve been inhaling bunker coolant for too long. Going up for some air now.”
Security Room page: [it now says “Security Code” and has the four buttons to open the bunker highlighted and numbered.] “If I forget this, I’ll be taking a trip to the FIRST dimension!” [There’s a picture of an exit door with “don’t forget!” pointing at it.]
Bill’s Teacup page: This one’s unusual. “One of Bill’s friends… Where have I seen him?” The face is so normal that I can’t really say who it could be. Seems masculine? I mean, my best guess is Alex, but who knows for certain…?
[Edit, 4/26/18: I kept forgetting to fix this bit, but this is a reference to the “Have You Ever Dreamed of This Man?” hoax! Thanks to everybody that pointed it out! (ʃƪ ˘ ³˘) ]
The machine pages: “The machine was meant to create knowledge but it is TOO POWERFUL! The device if fully operational could”
My Muse Was A Monster page: All the eyes drawn here glow in the dark. It looks just as creepy as you’d imagine – especially the big one. It also says “Laseep” “ELPH EM” “sit lal vero” and “rutts on eno”. This is just normal English with rearranged letters, so it says “Asleep”* “Please” “HELP ME” “its all over” and “trust no one”.
*in my defense, I was sleepy when I first unscrambled the words, and I peeked at that “Can’t Sleep!” page...guess I knew what was on my mind that night :/
Bill Cipher pages: Spanning both pages: “If he gains physical form then all is lost!” Left page - “If he entered our dimension, what form would he take? Flesh and blood? Metal? Vinyl? Spandex? Would he be a suave, well-dressed, possibly British man in coattails? Absolutely unequivocally not. Bill is a screeching, senseless lunatic. By best guess at his physical form is something like this.” [arrow points to Ford’s idea of Bill, which is like a triangle-shaped meatball with his eye and a strange large mouth]
I love you, Alex. I really do. Getting that nod at the fandom’s general depiction of human!Bill is the greatest feelings that I didn’t know I could have - yes, we had it before, but not so directly and in a published book. It still brings that certain level of satisfaction. I’m continually amused at the jabs at it, and I still to this day love quite a few depictions of him, but more than anything I’m flattered and amazed that fan-artists can get recognition at this level in this day and age. It is truly a time to be alive. I love this book.
Right page: [the figure of the human head’s brain separated into categories reads “ego, deceit, lies, pride”.] “Counterattack strategy: ?????? A triangle is supposed to be the most stable shape in geometry, but there is nothing more unstable than this angular psychopath. The damage he’s done to my thoughts is impossible to calculate….what havoc might he have wrought?” Underneath, Bill writes: “Wanna know what I did last time I was in your mind, Sixer? I deleted the world “burden” from your vocabulary and replaced it with “sea otter”! Good luck next time you try to sound ominous, smart guy!”
You know, I’m surprised that Bill writes properly. You know, proper grammar, capitalization, punctuation… You’d think he’d be the one to write in all-caps, like he talks! I didn’t think about that before now. Weird, isn’t it?
Blank page next to Invisible Ink page: “I have decided to use invisible ink to keep away prying eyes. ANYONE could be watching me!”
Invisible ink page: [the lightbulb has rays of light coming from it as well as a normal eye in the bulb. The ink pot has invisible written on it, with splatters where ink might drip from the pot. There are a series of odd symbols drawn around it as well as a few on top of the page.] “I may provide previous pages with new secrets I have learned since originally writing them, and perhaps reviewing old passages will stabilize my rapidly dwindling sanity…”
No picture, but the page where Ford goes into town has all the townsfolk’s eyes glowing. Even Paul Bunyun’s.
Hiding Places: [doodle of journal 1] Journal 1 – Describes my first 3 years in gravity falls. Focuses on mythical beasts, geographic anomalies, and my 30-hour arm-wrestling match with a very annoying unicorn.” [doodle of journal 2] Journal 2 – The most dangerous journal! Curses, incantations & dark power became an obsession in this volume. Describes the hiding place of the mystic amulet. I buried the amulet once I learned that it corrupts your soul (and whitens your hair)!” Journal 3 – The volume I hold in my hands. Describes my embarrassing defeat at the hands of Bill and the loss of my very sanity. Also contains a pretty good drawing of a plaidypus. Will soon be bestowed upon S and hidden at the ends of the Earth (I hope).”
Hiding places page 2: Underneath the scribbled out drawing is the picture of the momentum conserver Ford made back in the seventies. Underneath it is written “what might have been…”
Trust No One page: “Can’t sleep!” Is written nine times, and trust no one is highlighted and circled.
On the page next to it, it looks exactly like the show, with several spots on the odd wheel scribbled out, the sad face over the center, and “IS THIS RIGHT? I just don’t know anymore!” written beneath it.
The next two blank pages are Bill’s: “GUESS WHO! That’s right, pal, ol’ Six Fingers just conked out, & that means Captain Bill is steering the ship! And by “STEERING THE SHIP,” I mean making Sixer slap himself over and over! HA-HA-HA! That’s right, I just wrote down the sounds of my own laughter!” [next to the next paragraph, there is a drawing of Bill pouring gasoline on a flaming planet Earth, with the strange expression of someone watering flowers and encouraging their growth.] “Now where was he? Ah, yes! Mr. Serious was saying that anyone who was smart enough to decode these messages is smart enough to get on the right side of history! And that meant joining ME, your new best friend and style consultant, Bill Cipher! All it takes is a little handshake! Ever wanted to see inside the dreams of your crush? Or crush the dreams of your enemies? Or jet someone else control your body and take the old bone-mobile for a spin? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SUMMON ME!”
Page 2: “And it’ s so easy! Just say the words “BILL CIPHER” three times out loud, alone in the dark. Ready? I’ll say it with you! BILL CIPHER! BILL CIPHER! BILL CIPHER! See? That wasn’t so hard! Now there’s a pathway between your mind and mine. I can see everything you can see! Sixer’s about to wake up, but the business between you and me has just begun. Let’s just say I’ll see you down the road. And if you ever get a phone call from a number that says “UNKNOWN,” pick up. Your Guy on the Inside (of Your Mind), BILL”
June 1 page (aka Dipper’s starting page]: “I discovered the Author’s black light secret! I invented some invisible ink and I’m going to try to write a few sneaky – Ugh! I spilled it! Now it’s everywhere! Oh, gross! It’s all over my pants! Ugh, this is embarrassing. I’m going to go wash it off. No black light for me. Yuck! –Dipper” [True to his word, dipper spilled the ink all over the next page, and indeed the page he was writing on. It’s like 2 giant splatter marks.
Mabel’s Smile Dip page has the “Do you like me” letter!!! I’m so tempted to check Absolutely!!! BUT I CANNOT TARNISH SUCH A TREASURE!
Bipper page: Underneath the note Bipper left is the best gift this book has given me – a caticature of Bipper. It even says “Bipper as a cat!” underneath it. All is right in the world at this moment. I couldn’t be happier. If you can, look upon that drawing and feel the joy enter your soul.
Category 11/Dipper’s page on Pacifica: (underneath the photo of Archibald Corduroy) “Roses are red, Pacifica’s blood is blue, I read what you crossed out! I’m on to you! Start combing your hair, Brother! –Mabel” Dipifica fans are now 10x happier they purchased this book – or got to read that poem!
I’m Back page: “I have found my old bottle of invisible ink! It was right where I left it 30 years ago – hidden inside the science fair trophy in my electron carpet room. Unfortunately, most of the ink is gone, and there’s a note on the bottle which reads: “Hey, dude! I tried to drink some of this and it made my tummy glow. Like Shimmery Twinkleheart! Ha ha! I think I’m gonna go lie down forever now. –Soos”
I’m Back adjacent page: “What a waste! Although, I am amazed that “soos” survivied what should have been a lethal dose of ink. He must be one of the most fit and healthy men on Earth! It’s just as well – this ink did little to keep my secrets from Bill Cipher. And I may have permanent retina damage from constantly flipping the lights on and off while trying to read my own messages. NOTE TO SELF: Invent bionic eyes. I’ll use what little ink I have left for some….private thoughts. NEW DIMENSION CHECKLIST:
Read the past 30 years of newspapers. I wonder if whales have finally made it onto land and become the dominatnt species. Also, looking forward to seeing how advanced the lasted fax machines must be!
Catch my breath – literally! I haven’t breathed the proper combination of nitrogen, oxygen, and trace vapors in years. Air is great. Really can’t overemphasize how great air is.
Order red turtleneck sweaters in bulk.
Check out The Eurythmics’ latest chart-topper!
Invent something as a sign of goodwill towards my niece and nephew. What do kids like these days? Bionic arm-lasers? Maybe a pet Cthulhu?
ILJXUH RXW ZKDW D “VLOYHU IRA” LV DQG ZKV HYHUBRQH NHHSV. FDOOLQJ PH RQH.” [Translated with Caesar -3: “Figure out what a “Silver Fox” is and why everyone keeps calling me one.”]
OMG
EVEN MORE PROOF THAT I LOVE THIS DAMN BOOK. THE LAST PAGE WHERE FORD WRITES:
“AN INITIATION: to fully complete your initiation as an honorary Pines, there is one final task - to place your hand on this page, hold it while you charge up the black light and then remove your hand. See what happens? Welcome to the family! Zh’yh ehhq zdlqlqj iru brx – Stanford”
If that didn’t rip your heart out, translated with Caeser -3, the last line reads “We’ve been waiting for you.”
I’m literally tearing up. Thank you to everybody who made this book possible. I’ve never been so happy to pay over a hundred dollars for a book. It was worth every penny. And the weird nightmares I got after receiving it.
[Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3]
#gravity falls#journal 3#journal 3 blacklight#J3 Blacklight Reveal#spoilers#I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH#SO SO MUCH#stanford pines#bill cipher#mabel pines#dipper pines#pines family#618#long post#like long long post#i love that Do You Like Me note#but i can't remove it from it's sacred place of honor#I'll have to just open the book every day i want to see it#i like how Bill drew himself setting the world on fire#but he still wants us to summon him#i did have some seriously disturbing dreams the night i got it in the mail#like no kidding#the most violent gory dreams i've ever had#there were 2 goat heads in the oven#but they weren't cooking#they just turned grey and their horns charcoal?#it was strange#i also got a knife thrown at me in that same dream#like it almost hit me#i really felt like i felt it scrape my neck!
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Sophomore year recap, vol. 1
Funny how I only ever go on this blog to give sporadic life updates, which are honestly just lengthier versions of what goes on my Instagram dump. But, I'd hate to let this practice die—plus, I love to write, so it continues for another year. I recently wrapped up my first semester of sophomore year—yet another testament to how fast time flies by—and it's safe to presume that it was the most rewarding chapter of my stay in Ateneo, thus far. I admit I did spend most of my freshman year in my comfort zone (while still managing to make my fair share of rookie mistakes, go me!). Although I don't completely blame myself for not being able to adjust from the get-go, I do admit that my life would have been much easier if I didn't take so long to warm up to the idea of embracing change and taking risks. Upon realizing this, there was a certain pressure that came with it to make up for lost time and try to do as much I could before my body eventually gives out.
For starters, I became more active in the three organizations I am a member of, all of which demanded so much of my energy, and pushed my brain power and time management skills to the test, but were very fulfilling to be in nonetheless. (A little note from Editing Angel: This is where this post starts to look a little bit like a LinkedIn profile.)
I signed up to be a part of the Sanggunian, the student government of the University, under the Commission on Mental Health, since I am an advocate for challenging the stigma that surrounds this issue, as well as providing the proper support to those who need it. I was eventually put under Secretariat, where I was in charge of the databases and documents, taking minutes of the meeting, and updating attendance and post trackers. Although it wasn't the department I had originally planned on getting into, I did enjoy learning about the more technical side of the team and took pride in the fact that I was able to put some of the lessons I learned in ITM over intersession to good use. And by that I mean conditional formatting, but whatever ok!
But, at some point the forces of the universe decided to pull some strings and bring me to my first choice: Humans of Ateneo (HOA), a page that aims to share stories of those within the Ateneo community with the hopes of inspiring others. To this day, I work there as a literary editor, who is basically in charge of transcribing recordings of interviews and turning them into the text posts our audience sees on their Facebook timelines. I love what I do right now, because not only do I feel endlessly inspired by each story of resilience I encounter, but also fulfilled since I am partly responsible for getting that story out there for the rest of the world to see. But, I guess it wouldn't be entirely wrong to say that my favorite story so far has to be Mayor Vico Sotto's, especially because HOA Core (minus Marice, and plus Yanna) and I travelled all the way to Pasig City Hall to hear it from him in the flesh. I can confirm that he is definitely more good-looking in person, that he establishes eye contact when he speaks, and that he is one of the most insightful and substantial human beings I've ever met.
Since being a part of the team, I have also had access to opportunities both within the sub-commission and Sanggu, as a whole. I've been given leadership positions that allowed me to step up to the plate, one of which was directing a video we launched in celebration of World Mental Health Day. My co-project head Bel and I had to conceptualize it from scratch based solely on a spoken word poem given to us, and plan and plot its shooting over the course of one week—definitely a feat given our conflicts in schedule, and the unpredictable weather. Next year, I'll be pretty hands-on when it comes to manning the Peer Support Group of our commission, as I have been assigned as a member of the core team, so that's definitely something to watch out for.
I've attended active listening workshops to help me be better in tending to the needs of others: by either providing them with a newfound support system, or sharing sound advice. I was a part of the sub-core team behind Humans of Ateneo: IRL, where prestigious alumni were invited to speak on their journeys, much like three HOA posts come to life. I also ended up emceeing a freshman drug talk all by myself, because I was only informed at the very last minute that my co-host had other commitments to attend to. I remember practically shaking from the nerves and squealing right in front of the speakers that day, but I managed to pull through with more confidence and less awkward finger guns than I thought possible.
I think this is the org where I took the most initiative and was therefore the busiest, but I didn't mind at all because I was surrounded by such wonderful people. I met most of my team over intersession during a workshop that I wasn't even wholeheartedly willing to attend (because it coincided with what was my last chance to catch Ben&Ben live on their Limasawa Street tour), and thus wasn't expecting much out of. But, we meshed so well together almost instantly as we opened up to one another about experiences and secrets we only would have shared to our closest friends. The acceptance and belongingness was palpable from that point on, and it continues to manifest in how strong our bond is right now.
Aside from that, I got in The GUIDON, the University's student publication, as a Features writer. This is going to sound like such a humble brag, but I honestly didn't expect to be accepted. I'm well aware of how rigorous the week-long application process is, I got the news from friends who failed to make the cut and even saw it for myself during the general assembly they held specifically for applicants. I remember checking my e-mail and being greeted by a list of requirements I needed to accomplish for both of the staffs I applied for: mock articles, interviews, live tweets that all needed to show my unique writing style and authentic take on issues both in and outside the four walls of the campus, that were so overwhelming in scope that I had to call up a friend just to yell in her ear for 10 straight minutes. For the next few days after, tears were shed, friends were ghosted, drafts were created then scrapped, fished out of the Recently Deleted folder, and revised in an endless and vicious cycle—I don't think I had ever written as eloquently, gone as long without checking my phone, or listened to only one playlist on loop for literal days prior to those moments, and yet I was still very unsure of my chances because I knew I was up against some tough competition: veteran staffers of high school publications, and liberal arts majors who looked like they had more personality in their thumbs than I did in my entire body. I remember beating myself up for backing out of my second choice (hi Vantage), which would significantly decrease my chances of getting in. It's just that I knew I was incapable of submitting anything that wasn't half-assed at that point, and I couldn't bear to show them anything that I myself could not give an Angel Seal of Approval.
Thankfully, all of my hard work paid off eventually. Only two days after I had submitted the folder containing my requirements to the respective editor, I was working on a paper in a cafe (the table adjacent to the door of Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, Robinsons Galleria, to be very exact) when I received the acceptance letter in my inbox. I burst into tears, crumpled to the floor, and replied with the most articulate response I could muster: “SKLDFJSDLKFJSDLKFJSDLFJSLFSDKJ THANK YOU SO MUCH I am literally crying in the middle of this coffee shop.... thank you.... so much....”
As of this writing, I've published two articles under Features: one about the ghosting phenomenon that remains prevalent in romantic relationships, and another about the experiences of Ateneans with autism spectrum disorder. My job honestly feels like both work and a vacation at the same time, because it allows me to talk about a diverse set of topics with interesting people who are experts in the field, while doing what I feel like I'm best at. But, since a part of me will always consider Vantage my TOTGA, I took on some extra work for them and wrote a film review on "G!", a movie that came out as part of the Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino earlier this year, which has proven itself to be the worst I've seen in my entire life for reasons I cannot even begin to explain. I didn't necessarily have high expectations of it upon seeing the trailer, but I hyped myself up for it nevertheless. I even bought tickets for me and my friend Christine online because I was afraid that they would be sold out, and we dashed out of our MSYS classroom as soon as our professor said goodbye to book a Grab and hurry to SM North EDSA to make it to our screening... only to barge in the theater and see that we were the only two people in the cinema. I mean, there was one couple in the far corner, but they didn't look very present. In addition to that, I did a food review on a JSEC stall called Chopsticks. I honestly think that food is the most challenging topic to write about, because it's hard to convey how something tastes. When someone asks me to describe the viand I'm eating, I often end up just giving them a spoonful so they can see for themselves. But, I hopped on it anyway, because how could I even say no to sampling an entire menu of Chinese food for free? Several plates of dimsum and chicken later, I gave them a well-deserved five star rating and consider myself as a frequent diner. The experience was made extra fun since I was able to chat with the owner of the business, and my photographer who turned out to be someone I followed on Instagram way back in 2015 and admired for how clean and curated her feed was! (Hi, Kim and Alexis hehe)
As if all of the things mentioned above weren't already enough, I also covered a talk on the future of scientists in the Philippines (which I also have an article on—this goes to show just how diverse the scope of my work can get), attended workshops on feature writing and the relation of journalism and mental health, participated in a rally against professors involved in sexual harassment cases in the Ateneo (pretty badass behavior, if you ask me!), and became a facilitator for a high school publication in this event called Point One. I guess I have The GUIDON to thank for my lack of writer's block: they've managed to keep my brain running on hyperdrive, and my creative juices flowing more than they ever have before.
Last but not the least, of course I chose to stay in my home organization, ACTM. Although I didn’t run for any position or apply to be a part of the Leaders Core (yet), I did my best to make myself visible and show my support in any of the events we participated in or projects that we spearheaded. I signed up as a part of the logistics subcore for the annual Prepcourse, where I helped out with set design and ran some errands for officers in the different booths they manned throughout that day. I honestly have a soft spot for the project, since I remember that the first time I felt genuinely happy during freshman year was during my own Prepcourse (Orsem didn't really do it for me, sorry friends) so even though I missed the chance to be a facilitator, I still wanted to be a part of the event in some way. I also hung out with blockmates and friends all throughout Tambay Week, supported our candidates for Mr. and Ms. SOM, as well as our dance team for RIB eliminations, and dressed up as Kim Possible for the annual Halloween party we held—I was even able to go with Ron Stoppable, thanks to my friend Iverson, who dressed up as him as a surprise.
Although the obvious highlight of my stay in ACTM so far has to be attending LEAP, a three-day leadership training seminar in Iba, Zambales. I remember this particular moment where I was wandering around the beachfront, lowkey frolicking in the water, while my groupmates were playing capture the flag. (In my defense, I was never the physically adept type of person, and knew I'd be helping my team out more if I stayed out of the playing area and cheered on them from the sidelines. But, anyway, I digress.) I could see the golden flecks of sunlight glistening on the waves, and the froth from the seawater hitting my toes, and when I looked back beyond the shore, I saw my friends having fun, running back and forth across the sand. As cliche as it sounds, I couldn't help but mutter to myself, "Wow."
Because at that time last year, I clearly remember being slumped on my couch, scrolling through one LEAP-related IG story after another, feeling this sense of FOMO that I didn't know how to deal with. On one hand, I hated that I wasn't part of something that looked equal parts fun and value-adding, but at the same time, I knew that if I were there, I'd be sticking out like a sore thumb and suffering all the more because I was at the point where social interaction had become physically painful for me. Maybe that's why this LEAP was extra special to me: besides all of the great people I met and the insights I picked up along the way, it served as a reminder of how far I've come, and how much farther I have to go during the rest of my stay in college.
(That honestly would have been the perfect way to end this post, but I have so much more I have to cover. How anti-climactic.)
Aside from my newfound love for organization life, I gained a lot of new friends and strengthened the ties I have with old ones. Back then, I was very selective of those I talked to and let in my circle: I let first impressions get the best of me, or allowed shyness to take center stage every time there was a chance to meet new people. Now, I'm close to both blockmates and batchmates: I go to their birthday celebrations, support events that they're a part of, hang out in their condo units to binge on fastfood, or sometimes just sit on the Matteo Steps with them in the middle of doing requirements to vent for 10 minutes before begrudgingly returning to our tables.
I miraculously also had time to sneak in some pretty fun stuff in my schedule despite my workload. Although I wasn’t able to prioritize making content for this blog, I got my writing on the national paper! It was in the first semester of my freshman year when I heard about Inquirer Youngblood from my English professor. Apparently, they accept essays about any topic under the sun from anyone aged 29 and below. Since I felt there would be no harm in trying, I crafted this little piece that aimed to show a different side of being an only child, as opposed to the “spoiled and entitled” stereotype that is usually stuck on us. I didn’t get my hopes up so as to not be disappointed, so when a couple of days had passed and my article wasn’t showing up on print, I gave up and moved on. Good thing my friend Bea sent me a photo of the September 8 issue of the newspaper (coincidentally the same day I got accepted into The GUIDON!), or else I wouldn’t have seen that I got published. I admit that even though writing is all I’ve ever really known since I was young, I’m not a hundred percent confident in my skill, nor do I always see the purpose behind what I do. But, it’s instances like that, that remind me of why I keep at it.
Another capital-G Great thing that happened was getting tickets to the UAAP men’s basketball championship game! As someone who made Ateneo her dream school at age five because of how much she loved the Blue Eagles, witnessing them end the season with a sweep and a championship was everything to me. And getting to do so with my closest friends in my block just made the experience even better than it was. Also, seeing Renzo Subido play in person—all my friends can attest to the fact that I was facing a huge moral dilemma mid-game, because every time he made a basket, I would end up cheering for him. (With a face like that, how could I not though)
I even found my way back in the gig scene after a long hiatus, with no less than Ang Bandang Shirley, Over October, and Munimuni welcoming me back with open arms. I had got tickets on a whim with my friend from my days as a full-on K-Pop stan, Reanna, even though it was the weekend before a big Accounting exam, if I remember correctly. But, I have no regrets: I have a feeling that very few moments in life can make me feel the way I did when Umaapaw (one of my favorite songs in the world) was being played right in front of me. Surprisingly, I didn't cry when that happened—same for Wait and Sa Hindi Pag-alala, but then again maybe I was too dazed to process what was going on.
I saw Ben&Ben just a week ago, which served as the perfect way to cap off this stressful semester. The last time I saw them was way back in October 2018: conflicts in schedule due to prior commitments, or location issues kept getting in the way that it's like they had to take matters into their own hands and head on over to Ateneo just so I could see them again. Although they didn't perform my favorite song, I can't exactly say that I was disappointed because nothing really beats the feeling of seeing them and singing along to tracks that have served as the soundtrack of my life, and are practically etched on my heart. (I am actually tearing up just writing this paragraph god am I emo! I miss them already, wow! Just wanna hear Araw-Araw live, what do I do about this!)
I also managed to finish all 10 seasons of Friends despite my irregular viewing patterns—I started it during our trip to the States before the school year began, and constantly teetered between watching one or two episodes as a reward for finishing a reading due the next day and binging one season during rare weekends that do not require working on deliverables but honestly could have been used to get ahead in lessons. This is a pretty big deal, considering that I have the attention span of a sleep-deprived cockroach and haven't finished a single White People Show since... well, Austin & Ally back in 2017 (which I actually marathoned on Dailymotion, but that's a story for another day). But, I guess there's just something special about this group of pals going through the motions of their everyday lives in the eccentric, sometimes borderline stupid ways that only they can, because I admit: the emotional investment was and is very, very real! I personally identify myself as a Chandler-Rachel hybrid now (thank you, Iverson), try to see which character the people I meet are like most out of fun, and argue to no end with anyone who ever claims that Ross and Rachel (1) were on a break, and (2) are endgame.
Most importantly, I was able to do all of this and still clinch a spot on the Dean's List. I started this semester on an optimistic note: I found all of my subjects interesting, and the professors who taught them, engaging. I'd even make notes on the readings the day before they were to be discussed in class, complete with pops of color here and there courtesy of my fineliner pens and Stabilo highlighters. But, once I reached the halfway point, my motivation started waning. Papers and quizzes, oral exams and video projects were thrown in my direction at breakneck speed: I often found myself cramming output for the sake of having something to submit, and not even having the time to look at readings due for discussion the following day. It came to a point where I thought of shifting out, because I felt I wasn't doing well enough in my majors to justify my stay. Sounds pretty stupid when I look back at it, I guess I simply mistook extreme stress and fatigue with falling out of love with the only program that I ever wanted to get in when I was applying for Ateneo. Thank God I didn't give up though, or else I wouldn't be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor right now. I honestly wasn't expecting stellar grades, considering the number of extracurricular commitments I took on, but now that they're there, I'm not complaining at all! Shoutout to my favorite professors of the semester: Mam Vaswani, who taught me that there is always room for improvement even in my own area of expertise; Sir Atienza, who made lectures feel like casual kwentuhans (or sometimes even chillnumans); and Sir Rebato, who broke the world record for longest patience in the world.
I guess it's safe to say that I am the happiest and most content I have been in a while, and although I am afraid of jinxing it, I feel like it's only gonna go upward from here. I am beyond excited to see where the new year and semester take me, because I know I'll do my part in making sure it's even better and brighter than this one. If you read up to this point, you deserve a pat on the back! Maybe you only scrolled to this point to see if there were any pictures with your face on them, but who cares! It adds to my website traffic, so thank you, happy holidays, and I wish you nothing but love and light always!
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Marshall Eriksen (How I Met Your Mother): ENFP
Dominant Extroverted Intuition [Ne]: The mysterious and the unknown are very exciting to Marshall. He believes in ghosts, Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, and the cockamouse. Marshall loves to theorize and speculate. He’s thrilled when anything seemingly paranormal happens, and readily accepts the existence of the supernatural. Marshall’s gift of objectivity comes in handy in his career as a lawyer. He often wins arguments against his friends because of his ability to see many different perspectives. Marshall is always entertaining possibilities, though sometimes those possibilities are negative ones, leading to anxiety. Marshall is very creative and uses his Ne to make ordinary tasks fun.
Auxiliary Introverted Feeling [Fi]: Marshall is an extremely ethical, emotional person. He has a strong sense of right and wrong and can often act as the group’s moral compass. He feels strongly about waiting until you’re in love to have sex and doesn’t care what his friends think of him for it. Marshall will fight for what’s important to him. He wants to make a difference in the world. He takes jobs practicing law at firms, but feels unfulfilled because he wants to save the planet. Marshall knows that he wants to be an environmental lawyer and do good. He is faithful to his code of ethics and doesn’t waver in his devotion to his values. If he believes something is wrong, it’s wrong, and he can be quite inflexible when somebody violates his personal beliefs. Marshall is unafraid to take a stand and call things as he sees them when necessary (Fi-Te).
Tertiary Extroverted Thinking [Te]: Although it goes against all that Marshall stands for, he is willing to take jobs for the money in order to provide for his family. He realizes that he has to work his way up within the system, and even though he dislikes it, he’s willing to deal with it (to a certain point). He knows that it won’t be forever, and he understands that he has to be able to put food on the table until he’s able to achieve his dreams. Though Marshall typically has a gentle, kind nature, he can utilize his Te in arguments when he needs to. For Marshall, it’s enjoyable to create graphs and charts. They’re humorous, however and serve his Ne. Marshall keeps track of facts and data. When he’s able to reference his accumulated knowledge in disagreements with his friends, he gets very excited about his victory (“Lawyered!”). Though it doesn’t happen often, Marshall can sometimes become authoritative and direct, such as when he coached children’s basketball. He also likes to utilize his Ne to create tangible things. He uses his imagination and creativity to develop games for his friends to play. He puts his thoughts into action. He designs the game and comes up with a set of rules. If he needs to make an important decision, he employs his Ne to come up with a fun way to do it. Hey, Lily and I should choose one of our friends to be Marvin’s godparent. But how do we decide? Oh, I know! We create a giant wheel, get Lily a Vanna White-esque ensemble, and have our friends compete game show style!
Inferior Introverted Sensing [Si]: When Marshall is under stress, he tends to fall prey to “grip” experiences. Following his father’s funeral, Marshall opts to remain in Minnesota. He stays in his childhood bedroom, has his mother cooking for him and doing his laundry, and plays video games. He regresses to what is comforting and familiar. When he moves to New York, he finds a Minnesota-themed bar to spend time in. Marshall values his own personalized traditions, particularly the ones he has created with Lily. They’re important to him because they created them (Ne/Fi/Si), and they’re unique, belonging to just the two of them. When he tries to let go of one their airport tradition, he ends up not being able to and shows up anyway.
Note: Many people seem to consider Marshall’s type to be a no-brainer, but he’s actually pretty difficult to pin down if you think about it. I spent a lot of time going back and forth between xNFP and xSFJ. Marshall’s Si/Ne use is obvious. But which is higher? Marshall likes to be able to feel connected to his past and enjoys reminders of where he comes from. However, his Si seems to be childish, often consuming him during times of stress, which indicates that it’s probably not very well developed. His Ne is effortless. I can see an argument for Ti in Marshall. He believes in what he believes in and has a personalized logical framework for a lot of things… but what do those things have in common? They’re all related to his Ne love of the unknown. He gets excited by ideas and speculation. Marshall sees himself as a person who “believes.” I argue that this is part of his Fi, not Ti. This is why he doesn’t listen to people who argue against his fantastical beliefs. Marshall Eriksen is a believer and there’s nothing you can say that will change that. His Fi is very strong, and though his Te is pretty weak, this was enough information for me to favor xNFP over xSFJ.
Enneagram: 9w1 So/Sx
Quotes:
Marshall: [about the game he invented] It’s called, “Marshgammon”. It combines all the best features of all the best games: Candyland, I Never, Pictionary…
Robin: Backgammon, obviously.
Marshall: No, backgammon sucks. I took the only good part of backgammon, the “gammon”, and I left the rest of it in the trash where it belongs.
Marshall: So, I was trying to think how to best express how sexy you are to me. A song? A poem? And then it hit me: a board game!
Lily: You just get women.
Marshall: No, no, no! You’ll like this. We ask risque questions and spicy dares to slowly move up your shapely legs. I call it “Shoots and Lilies.”
Lily: I would have guessed “Monopo-Lily”
Marshall: Yeah, that would have been better.
Marshall:Marshall: [Explaining the rules of Marsh-gammon] … But if you roll an even number while adjacent to the Peppermint Forest, then you “Marshall out,” and all your chips go into the pot, and remember, if you ever ask the question “What?”, then… you got to drink. Got it?
Ted: Hey, don’t you have a paper to write?
Marshall: Dude, you’re talking to The Kid. I’m gonna knock back this beer. I’m gonna knock back one more beer. I’m gonna go home. I’m gonna write a 25-page paper. I’m gonna hand it in and I’m gonna get an A. My name is Rufus and that’s the Trufus.
Narrator: He got a B-, but still. 25 pages in one night? B-? The Kid was good.
Marshall: Speaking of waiting, I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. It’s totally cool to wait. And stay away from drugs… other than pot.
Marshall: All right. We threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody “wanged,” everybody “chunged.” Now The Kid has gotta get to work, and The Kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me: I will not have sex with Marshall.
Ted, Lily: I will not have sex with Marshall.
Barney: Dude, I can’t believe you cried in front of your boss.
Marshall: I don’t know what happened. There is just something about been yelled like that, like I was being spurred by my dad, suddenly… suddenly I was a little boy.
Robin: Is boy the right word?
Marshall: Ted, you know how at some point in the future, Machines will rise up against us?
Ted: Sure.
Marshall: So, the machines – they’ve killed everybody, And all that’s left Is you, me… And Barney. Which one of us would you, like get with?
Ted: Why do I have to get with one of you?
Barney: The machines are forcing you. They want to watch. That’s just how they get down.
Narrator: When your Uncle Marshall was ten years old, he read a book called Life Among the Gorillas. It was written by an anthropologist named Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez, it told the story of the year she spent living among the Western Lowland Gorillas of Cameroon. When Dr. Birnholz-Vazquez came to the local community college to give a lecture, Marshall, the youngest member of the audience, raised his hand with a question.
Young Marshall: What advice do you have for a budding anthropologist?
Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez: So you want to be an anthropologist?
Young Marshall: Yep. When I grow up, I want to go live with the gorillas, just like you did.
Narrator: What she said next changed his life.
Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez: Oh, that’s wonderful, but I’m afraid you can’t. They’ll all be dead by then.
Marshall: This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies.
Marshall: After law school, I’m going to work for the NRDC. They’re gonna stop global warming.
Narrator: [In 2030] Well… I mean… they did their best.
Marshall Eriksen (How I Met Your Mother): ENFP was originally published on MBTI Zone
#9w1#HIMYM#Marshall Eriksen#So/Sx#How I Met Your Mother#ENFP#Type 9#enneagram 9#enneagram#enneatypes#enneagram type#mbti#mbti types#mbti personality types#fictionalcharactermbti#fictionmbti#tv mbti
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Screw It, I’m Making a Webcomic
So, as I made it abundantly clear on Twitter mere moments ago, I have a real honest-to-Glob New Year’s Resolution for 2017.
I am going to create a webcomic.
I am going to write a sequential art narrative which I will draw and provide various artistic accoutrements to and post it on the Internet. This is going to happen by the end of this year. I am doing this.
Perhaps this sudden outburst and declaration of artistic intent seems a bit out of left field, both in its overtones of grandiosity and relative lack of context given what most of you guys know about me. So let me provide some of that much needed context, both to show you why I am doing this and what I am really saying, which is probably even more ambitious (and maybe pretentious) than you think it is.
I’ve been writing weird little stories and drawing accompanying illustrations for them since I was a wean, as most of us did at that age, but since that point I’ve never really stopped. At a very young age I encountered not only excellent children’s books ranging from the charming and heartwarming to the downright mind-bending—Peter Sís and Henrik Drescher were big in my household—but also illustrated works whose contents and subtext were far too old for me yet entranced me nonetheless, particularly the works of the great New England illustrator and satirist Edward Gorey. By the age of six or seven, I had memorised “The Gashlycrumb Tinies” and would recite it with morbid glee to anyone who would ask (or didn’t). I discovered books through Gorey’s cover illustrations, first accidentally discovering the alternate history genre through his work on Joan Aiken’s Dido Twite series, and was only drawn deeper into John Bellairs’ junior Gothics when I discovered that Gorey had provided the frontispiece and dust jacket to every one of the entries in the series he’d written up to his death—which I mourned, with a mix of vague incomprehension, sorrow, and creeping disappointment. I was eight at the time.
Parallel to this, I spent a lot of time at my town’s local art centre, which provided free classes in all sorts of artistic endeavours. I took most to theatre and improv in particular—I was a wee ham; now I am a large ham—but what stuck with me was drawing and, to a lesser extent, animation. As I fixated on Gorey’s superficial techniques and aesthetics, the simple sunken eyes and odd little triangular noses, I’d also more subtly acquired his less obvious techniques: The way he used cross-hatching and simple, intense linework to suggest different textures entranced me, and indeed still does. I am told that a very strict art teacher, who I thought disliked me and of whom I was somewhat afraid, freely admitted that a sketch I’d done of a horned figure playing a flute on a rooftop by the light of the moon had taken her breath away.
Which is not to say that I was, or am, some prodigy of form, or that I lacked for more prosaic influences. The former, I will get to, but the latter is best expressed in the fact that a recurring scene which I have since revised and transfigured many, many times began life as... well, thinly veiled Darkwing Duck fanfiction, minus the duck part, given a sound twist of Lovecraft’s “The Statement of Randolph Carter”. I was maybe eleven or so at the time.
It was in one of these classes that this weird little scene deep beneath a ruined graveyard was born. It was also there that I made plans for an elaborate series of beast fables, set in a world quite unlike our own.
It is perhaps worth noting that one of the handful of these early sketches which sticks in y mind to this day was a tale of two young male lizards falling in love only to be torn apart by a disapproving society. Even at an age when I was functionally unaware of homosexuality and bemused or outright repulsed by what I knew of sex, a queer romance was perhaps the most emotionally intense thing that I had conceived of up to that point. But I digress.
The setting in question and certain characters in it would perennially re-emerge in my other writing, which I was quite certain would be my career path throughout late elementary and middle school. In seventh grade, I was part of an experimental programme where middle and high school students were allowed to enrol in a creative writing course at a nearby university. Only two students wound up attending: Myself, and a classmate of mine who had skipped a grade and would later become known in my high school as something of a mad and insufferable genius. (We got on pretty well.) After several semesters of studying poetry and short fiction, there was a presentation. One of the selections I made for my reading was a list-poem, from the perspective of an older character trying to live day by day with the memory of his deceased wife hanging over him, with the distinction that the final entry was a reminder to keep his claws neatly filed.
It was around that time that I began to come under the influence of Thomas Ligotti, and it was with this exposure to the refiner’s fire of such elegant horror—the kind that brought the same sort of visions into my mind that Gorey brought to the page—that I realised what form my true opus should take, at least in plot. I took it with me into high school, and beyond into the wilderness of these past six-and-a-half years of confusion. The polestar of this mad endeavour formed here.
I had been thinking a lot about epic high fantasy at the time—I was eleven when The Return of the King hit theatres, and I had read enough in the genre and in styles adjacent to it to be aware of the tropes—and it occurred to me that the moral framework and cosmology of a lot of such works rang a bit hollow to me, not because right and wrong did not exist, as certainly people do good and bad things to one another all the time, but because there was always this sense of certainty that the side one was meant to root for was indubitably in the right and some great objective force of Good deemed it so, blessing their struggle against a force similarly ordained by some great objective Evil. It was that last dimension which particularly irked me. It felt reassuring in the most painfully reductive and philosophically trite way possible. And so often the battles were so... literal. I never much cared for war films to begin with, and by putting such struggles in a fantastical framework, you subtracted the one thing that made war films kind of neat: The recognition that these were people doing the fighting and the killing. Not symbols, people.
Very middle school analysis, yes, and unfair to some things I quite enjoy, Tolkien included, but the ultimate conclusions were the important part.
Which is where Ligotti comes in. Much has been made of his non-fiction opus The Conspiracy Against the Human Race, but in terms of his philosophy and its influence on my thinking at the time, I’d rather stick to his fiction, as that was what I was reading and that is what made me. In brief, Ligotti is not a reassuring writer. The universe of his stories reflects his views of our own, which are, in essence, a wholesale rejection of the commonly held notion that human consciousness and life in general are good things that we should all be even remotely enthused about, instead proposing that the very idea that we are aware of ourselves and that we should think of ourselves as individuals for whom some higher power might just be watching out is more likely an obscene and sadistic joke on that hypothetical power’s part or else, more likely, a horrible accident. His stories are filled with personal totems and surreal motifs, the fates of his characters determined by blind chance or the detached malicious prankstery of a party with whom they cannot bargain or reason, the sadistic frenzies of Poe’s maniacal villain-protagonists writ large, often on a cosmic scale. There is the feel of a nightmare and yet also of the sleepless hours after, alone in the dark, thinking, where wakefulness and dream bleed between one another and all the world is a nightmare to which the hells of sleep might well be preferable.
If I’ve lost you, well, I’m sorry; but you and I probably have something to talk about if your first reaction to all this was, “I’ve certainly had *those* days.”
And if you’ve had enough of those days, the rest probably follows easily enough.
Wouldn’t it be interesting, I thought, if one took that quest narrative key to so many epic fantasies, and put it through a world where the rules of the game were so utterly reversed? If our well-meaning hero—of course, as in Tolkien, basically some poor backwater schmo, by no means stupid nor necessarily naïve but very, *very* far from the classical man of virtue—were to bear with him some artefact of power that could, perhaps by its very existence, rend the veil of normalcy that should keep all of the sane and happy citizens of this world from confronting what writhes beneath all that they see, what might he choose to do with it, particularly if he were, say, by some inexplicable invisible bond, *tied* to it?
Now, what makes a fitting antagonist for such a tale? What sort of character provides the ideal foil for a kind-hearted soul confronted with all the horrors of what may be in a neat little package? Rather than some cosmic sadist intent on throwing us all under the bus, why not something a bit scarier: Another kind-hearted soul. Someone who has seen behind the veil their whole life. Someone who has seen the truth and the agony of this world and seeks nothing less than perfect closure
And there it was.
And then it began to get complicated.
For every character that I created to flesh out the story, another came into being, and I wanted to know more about them. A side-plot salvaged from some other silly project merged seamlessly into the new whole, and suddenly there were whole new plots, full of new characters with motives that I wanted to understand. Characters grew, changed, lightened and darkened as my thoughts steeped. Exposure to other writers through classes and forums and variably disastrous shared writing projects made me realise what I did and did not know, what I could and could not do.
It was also in high school that I began taking music seriously, first toying around in Garageband and singing in the school choir and then as part of a band with several close friends. I wrote a lot of poetry, and I sang a bit, so we had lyrics; I still drew sometimes, so we had art when we needed it, although we rarely needed it. I was always ambitious with my lyrics: One of our most successful songs was structured to simulate one character murdering another during a snowstorm in a glade where they had played and hidden as a child. Morbid character studies were common; I was always taking grim little vacations in people’s heads, my own or otherwise. Informed by my middle school studies of haibun and my lyrical adventures, my prose grew more experimental, collapsing into poems or switching into strange persons and tenses. My mind was full of images, yet where to go with them?
My path to sequential art was an odd and rocky one. As mentioned, I loved picture books and illustrated stories as a child, and while I failed to touch upon them earlier (mea culpa!), Calvin and Hobbes and The Far Side were pretty important in their own right. I even attempted to create something of a running series at around the time I was in that poetry programme, mainly for the amusement of myself and a very affable art teacher who found the premise amusing. It was only a year or two later that I would read Doom Patrol—the first superhero comic that I would ever admit to liking, and still one of the chosen few—and realise that Grant Morrison, the bastard, had stolen my idea before I’d even been born: Of killing one’s own imaginary friend, only to be tormented by their vengeful spectre years after the fact at the least appropriate of times.
But the comic idea sort of fell by the wayside for the longest time, for the simple reason that I am, to my own mind, an atrocious draughtsman. I cannot reproduce figures to save my life. Hilarious, seeing as I can draw you a teeming alien cityscape, or a perfectly detailed mosquito in flames, but in terms of doing the same thing twice, I’ve spent years hanging my head in shame and self-loathing.
The secret is, though, not that I couldn’t learn this, but that for such a long time, pride had kept me from allowing myself to be bad at things until I was good. As someone to whom a lot of fairly complex ideas just come naturally, someone who just absorbs information like a souped-up Dyson vacuum, the idea of having to draw the same damned thing ten thousand times just to get decent at drawing that same damned thing was a horrifying prospect. It still is.
I got pushed into it. My own fictions put a knife to my throat and told me, “This is what needs to happen.” But it took two different interconnected experiences to understand how, both courtesy of my boyfriend being a huge dork.
The first was his recommendation that I read LAMEZINE 02, at that time the latest salvo from the wonderfully deranged comic artist Cate Wurtz, then going by the moniker Partydog; the second was his use of a Bec Noir avatar on a forum we’re both on, which got me to finally bite the bullet and read Homestuck.
Wurtz’ Lamezone comics are a trip. Her art style is by most technical standards fairly primitive, but it’s a very *refined* jankiness, part and parcel to her overall embrace of scuzzy punk ‘zine aesthetics, immediately recognisable and all-around immediate. Her approach to story and tone is just the same, at once surreal and ridiculous and incredibly emotionally potent, ranging in tone from giddy B-movie absurdity to crushing Carver-esque sorrow, composed of as many little side-stories that flesh out what sort of world these characters live in as of its “meat” and all the better for it. The way that her comics are often framed only adds to the ambience: DVD menus of hit TV series that never existed, tales from the everyday lives of people living on the precipice of madness (and/or suburban Kansas), the wild Lynchian adventures of a man who talks to the spirit of the good ol’ USA through Twitter while traipsing through other people’s comics and the comment sections on furry porn sites. She was even working on a video game at one point about a woman trying to battle her way through deformed iterations of her past selves while maintaining a sufficient ganja supply. I have no idea if that’s still happening. It looked awesome.
Homestuck has already had much said about it, so I’ll keep it brief. Comparisons to Pynchon are not unwarranted. It takes the hypertextual potential of the webcomic to the next level, and is longer than many novel series. The art is, quite intentionally, all over the place, and uses collage surprisingly effectively. The story is a beautiful mess that is, fundamentally, about the process of storytelling and how “things that happen” become “stories” in the first place. It’s very oblique about this, and generally quite funny.
And so I looked to the story I was writing.
I looked at the multiple plotlines growing out of one another, intersecting, snakes devouring their tails, thematic parallels on parallels, spirals of mental imagery with bits of torn wallpaper making the fabric of waistcoats and cathedrals made out of lines of scripture and trees bearing watches like fruit, and I went: “This should be a comic! A hypercomic, in fact, McLuhan-style! This should be a wondrous blend of visuals and text and...
“I...
“I can’t draw. Fuck me. I should stick to prose, like a good loser. Get rejected that way instead.”
So I waffled. For months. And then for years.
But you know what?
I’m done waffling.
Limitation is power in its own right. Ever since I learned of Oulipo in that long-ago three-person poetry class, I’ve been fascinated with the idea of innovation through defining what you cannot do, or what you must do, no matter what. Of forcing yourself to start from a set place or end at one, no ifs, ands or buts.
I am limited. Within that, I am omnipotent.
I am going to draw this comic. I am going to write it and I am going to draw it even if it starts out looking like total shit and the process drives me half-insane. If things that I love, in sequential art but also in music and painting and writing and animation and all sorts of other forms, can make a perceived deficit into a key strength, I can do it, too. Even if I can’t be a classical master, I can be the best at that crazy thing I do.
I guess this is also my grandiose way of saying “fuck last year,” where I made so much progress that felt so thwarted by external circumstances and my own failings, and where so much went wrong for so many of us. So I’m embracing this year as a year of progress. Even if everything else sucks, I’ll be running up that hill.
And just so there’s no mistaking it, I will still be making music and probably writing at least a smidgen of prose fiction and poetry on the side. In the former category, I might even start a band.
Oh, wait. We’re not doing half-measures any more.
I’m starting a band, too.
Tell your friends.
Happy 2017, everyone, and have a lovely rest of your night.
#Writings#my artwork#New Year's resolutions#important#rant#so many words my laird#DOING THE ART#comics#so many tags
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On Point With: Thee Suburbia
This Wicked Witch of the North (Wisconsin!) has swept down and taken over our fair city, casting her deadly spell on all of us. Behold her sorcery in Brooklyn and basically everywhere else, and read a page from the Urban Spell Book courtesy of Thee Suburbia!
Thotyssey: Hey Suburbia, Happy October! So how was your Bushwig experience this time around? It wasn’t your first time to that rodeo!
Thee Suburbia: Bushwig was beautiful. It was a great moment to reconnect with other performers and supporters that I don't get to see too often; sometimes because they live outside of the city, and other times because we're just passing ships in the night.
What did you perform?
“I Fink U Freaky” by Die Antwoord.
Amazing and perfect for you! What do you look for when you want to try a new song for a performance? Like, what does the song have to be to meet your performing style?
Something witchy. Doesn't really matter to me if the energy is low or high. Within the performance and the circumstance, the energy will be determined right before going on. All of the things I perform -- be it a lip sync, a poem or me singing live -- will seem like a spell.
My character is a witch stuck in the 90s. So you see, any song works. it's really more about the look for me, and the story I'm telling. I perform mixes as well. I'll reveal more about myself in the further questions. I mean, *POOF orange smoke*
youtube
The spell is already cast! So Suburbia, where is your hometown? Dare I ask, are you from the suburbs?
The Suburbs in the Midwest. Wisconsin. They're mostly all the same.
What was your impression of life there?
I didn't exactly have an impression. However, my reality was interesting. I didn't exactly live how I wanted to live. I just lived how I knew how: extracurricular activities, Boy Scouts, church, bonfires, tennis, North Faces, catty lovable neighbors that get your mail when you go on vacation. Once I actually figured out how I wanted to live, I saw how I was living and had impressions of where my life would go.
How did you want to live?
In the city! With a dog. As an entertainer. I also wanted to be a Disney character, but sadly that was not a reality. That's when I looked to all of the queer movies. Then I learned about community.
So when did you make the trek to NYC?
When Jermaine Dupri told me.
He’s an influential man. What did you find when you got here?
I found Fashion Week and the giggery that came with it. I'd go to school, create spells, go to Fashion Week and these shows, and be at the parties in ridiculous D.I.Y.-wear. Eventually that part of my life made it on all the MTA buses advertising Humans of New York. When Brandon asked me who I was that day, I said, "The Sultan of Wisconsin." It might've been because I'm actually a witch of Wisconsin. That’s when I really learned about the power of social media. He posted that pic, and everyone had something to say.
[from Humans of New York]
Did you become a more powerful witch when you got to NYC?
Yep. Spells for days once you live in the Apple. Spells on the MTA clerks, spells on the baristas, spells on the traffic lights. It's Basic Witchy, til you've been waiting 15 minutes for a frappe.
With those little moments came the other witches. Over those moments you see eye to eye, maybe share a ride or a coffee or a laugh, and then POOF you're singing Ertha Kitt in the shower and wondering if you should be a drag queen or a witch. I chose both.
You choose fabulously! Please teach me your spells on the MTA clerks someday.
You'd have to witness me cast it in order to acquire the knowledge of the spell.
When did you start performing as Suburbia?
After I decided I didn't wan to be Fritto Lay.
Another wise choice. Who were the first queens and queen-adjacents that welcomed you into this world?
Rify Royalty, Elizabeth James, The Nobodies (Lady Bearica, Ariel Italic, Eric Shorey), Ruby Roo, Ragamuffin, Nancy (one of the security guards at Metropolitan Bar), Blue Hawaiians and taxi drivers that tolerate my witchiness.
What do you think of the Brooklyn scene these days? Has it changed since you got here in any huge way?
It's still great! And yes and no.
That's fair! You perform a lot there, but you also do stuff in the Village. And you just twirled for the Hell's Kitchen children at Marti Gould Cummings' Hardware show recently! Is that a very different crowd than what you’re used to?
I loved performing there. They're just as amazing as the humans in Brooklyn. The main difference in the audience was that they were all seated. They have many rectangular blocks for the audience to sit on. It looks a little similar to Barracuda. The best part about the night was doing drag suicide. We could have gone on all night.
I am such a drag suicide junkie!
Okay, let's talk about where we can find you these days... Last Tuesdays of the month, you're at Sing Sing Ave A in the East Village for Fairyoake! I know queens who love hosting karaoke and those who have hated it. Where do you stand?
I love karaoke. I love encouraging people to sing. Working at a karaoke bar does things to your brain. All of those screaming voices. Blahkalashabakala. So many spirits reaching for the right notes and to unleash what’s within: creative blocks, writer's block, bad week, haircut that didn't go so well, losing a job, getting a job, holiday doubts, the fact that it's the end of the day, and let's not forget... getting married. There are never lost voices or poor unfortunate souls when I'm hosting a karaoke gig! *cough, cough* stolen voices.
And pretty recently, you and Lady Havokk host “The Most,” a Friday show at Macri Park that stemmed from a viewing party of Drag Race. How do you like WERQ-ing every week with Lady & DJ JCLEF?
I love those two. And we love Macri Park. We've been working together for about 6 months now. We actually do lots of numbers, sometimes a drinking game. The crowd is always cute It's a happy hour time slot, 7-11. Goes from chill to lit very fast.
And for two weeks now, you've been hosting a brand new Sunday night solo show at Rockbar in the West Village, “Let's Have a Croissant!” Do you really bake croissants every night for your audience?
I'm getting there. I have to start baking them the night before instead of he day of, lol! I love Rockbar. I love working a bar and connecting with the people there.
And you'll be at the 3rd anniversary of everybody's favorite Brooklyn party, “Straight Acting,” at Metropolitan this Thursday!
I'll be performing at the door.
And I see you'll be at “Sinner's Kit Kat Cabaret” on October 19th at Bizarre! Are you gonna be doing a more burlesque-centric number there?
Yes ma'am! Very dark.
Amazing! So what else is up?
I just finished shooting a movie in Westport, CT called Batsh*t Bride. You can find it soon on Hulu and all the other channels. I'm a supporting actress. I play a queen named Pandora. The title tells half of the story! I guide an uptight human into not being a bitch to the humans anymore. I also help get her to tell her fiancé that the wedding is off on April Fools Day. And that's all I'll say until you go to Netflix! Maybe in the spring or summer, I think. The director’s name is Jonathan Smith.He had produced and directed two movies that are findable for your readers: Breast Picture and The Worst Year of My Life.
Uhhhhhhhh Mazing! Cant wait to see it! Okay, final question: this may be redundant to ask a witch drag queen.... but what fo you wanna be for Halloween?
Sextina Aquafina from Bojack Horseman. Or one of the Orca Stripper drivers of Cabracadabra from Whale World, on Bojack Horseman. You thought I was gonna say witch didn't you? Nope. It's some sort of marine mammal. From Bojack Horseman.
That will be a sight to see. Thank you, Suburia!
Thee Suburbia hosts “Let’s Have a Croissant” weekly Sunday nights at Rockbar (10pm) and karaoke monthly last Tuesdays at Sing Sing Ave A (10pm). She co-hosts “The Most” with Lady Havokk at Macri Park (7pm). Check Thotyssey’s calendar for other scheduled gigs, and follow Suburbia on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
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