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softholand · 2 years

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“Don’t look at me like that.” “Like what?” “Like you still love me.”With Harry please

𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

⤷ harry holland x reader, exes to lovers au, angst

prompt: “don’t look at me like that.” “like what?” “like you still love me.”

words: 1.2k

You knew it was a mistake. From the moment you first laid eyes on him from across the gallery, you knew you had made the wrong choice by coming here tonight. You couldn’t possibly have missed it though, your best friend had worked so hard to get here and you’d feel terrible for not coming to appreciate his work.

That meant seeing your ex-boyfriend after months of avoiding him, and you were not looking forward to it at all. Gripping the glass of champagne on your hand, you made your way to another one of your friend’s beautiful artworks, not wanting to interact with him, examining the piece like it was the very first time you were seeing it, and not like your friend had shown them to you a million times before.

“What are you doing?” Theo’s voice startled you, your glass of champagne almost making its way to the floor. “God, you scared me!” You breathed, being met with his intense stare. “I’m… looking! It’s a beautiful piece, actually, I think it’s my favorite. I might even buy it!” You rambled, trying to get away from the conversation you knew was coming. “First of all, you know you don’t have to buy anything. And second, you’ve been staring at it for the last ten minutes, it’s getting kinda creepy.” Your friend stated, making you scoff. “No, it has not been that long…” you tried to argue but the time on your phone confirmed exactly that. You’ve been staring at it for ten minutes.

“What’s going on? You don’t have to be here, you can go home if you’re bored...” Theo tried to explain, but you quickly stopped him. “No, Theo! I’m not bored! I promise you I’m not!” You assured him, but it just wasn’t enough, after all, he has been your best friend for over a decade now, meaning he knew you like the palm of his hand. “Well, what is it then?” He insisted, making you sigh.

Seeing the cause of your discomfort a few feet away from you, you took your friend by the shoulders, turning him around until he was facing your ex, Theo’s mouth hanging open upon realizing he was there. “Oh shit, I didn’t know he’d actually come.” He said, giving you a pitiful look. “I mean, he was your friend before being my boyfriend.” You shrugged, “Yeah, but I haven’t talked to him since… you know.” Theo said, making you flinch at the mention.

It was at that moment that you and Harry locked eyes, his smile quickly turning into a tight-lipped one. “Oh shit!” You mouthed, immediately turning away. “Too late hun, he’s coming,” Theo informed, making you mentally curse yourself for being so naïve. “Hey Theo, congratulations mate, it looks awesome!” You heard Harry’s voice say, feeling your heart skip a beat. “Thanks, Harry! It means a lot to me to have you here tonight.” Your friend repeated the same phrase he had been saying the whole night, making you roll your eyes.

And of course, just when you thought Harry was about to leave, he acknowledged you. “Hey y/n!” You turned at the mention of your name, being met with the big brown eyes you once wished to see. “Hi!”Hi? That's it? After months without seeing each other, all you had to say was “hi”? You felt your nerves suddenly build up inside you, your hands started to sweat and you feared that the flute would slip from your clammy hands. Harry seemed to notice that, quickly excusing himself, going back to his previous group of friends.

“Well, that was awkward.” Theo let it out, making you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Fuck, I need some air.” You breathed, passing your friend your half-drunk glass of champagne, before storming outside the gallery. Once there, you let out a sigh of relief, making your way to the small patio, a string of lights hanging on top of your head, illuminating the space since it was already starting to get dark.

You sat on the wooden swing, the murmur of people in the gallery still audible, but not nearly as bad as it was inside. You took a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down from the nearly panic attack you had suffered inside. It wasn’t long before you heard the clear sound of footsteps approaching though, your body immediately tensing up upon realizing who it was.

“Can I join you?” Harry asked and to your surprise, you nodded. It was silent for the next few minutes, only the sound of your and your ex's heavy breathing cutting through the rather quiet atmosphere. “Theo’s works look amazing.” He quietly let it out, putting an end to the awkward silence. “Yeah, they do! He has been working on them for months.” You said, to which Harry gasped. “Damn, it really shows though! But with how easily I get distracted, I could never.” Harry chuckled, making you laugh. “Yeah, you’d probably think that observing the behavior of a fly would be more interesting than finishing the painting.” You said, making him laugh.

And just like that, you were back to how it used to be in the beginning. Telling jokes, sharing laughs, having fun, not fighting over the fact that, while working for his brother, Harry didn’t have time for your relationship anymore. It was silent after that, Harry just kept his gaze on you, his big brown eyes carrying a feeling that could only be described by one word. Love. “Don’t look at me like that.” You said, feeling yourself grow flustered. “Like what?” The ginger asked. “Like you still love me.”

Your words seemed to catch Harry by surprise, his expression turning into a confused one. “What do you mean “like you still love me”? I do love you, y/n!” He exclaimed, and you swore you felt your heart stop beating. “Well, you shouldn’t, we broke up.” You instantly got into defense mode, not wanting to get into yet another fight. “That doesn’t mean I stopped loving you.” Harry barely whispered, making a lump form in your throat.

Getting up, you took a couple of steps away from him, “Please don’t say stuff like that, Harry!” You pleaded, your mind fogged by his presence. “Why, y/n? Why shouldn’t I say I love you? It's the truth.” The boy questioned, getting in front of you. “Because then I won’t be able to stop myself.” You gulped, watching him get closer and closer to you. “Stop you from what?” He quietly asked.

“From this!” Those were your last words before finally colliding your lips to his in a more than necessary kiss. Harry’s hands went to your waist, while you threaded yours through his ginger locks. Your lips molded perfectly together, just like they did all those months ago, the feeling of being in each other's arms again washing over your bodies in waves of pure bliss.

“Please, tell me you still feel the same and I’ll never let you go again!” Harry mumbled between your lips, his breath hot on your face. “What if it doesn’t work? I can’t go through this again, Harry!” You cried, pouring your heart out for him. “I’ll try harder, we’ll make it work. I promise, I just… really need you by my side.” With that, you kissed him, even harder, trying to express all the love you still had for him, before saying, “You have me, Harry! I’m yours!”

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iamtaekooked · 4 years

Text

↳Genre: Angst (literally that’s all this is)

↳Prompt: “If you don’t hold me right now, i might just fall apart”

↳Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: Manipulation and betrayal

Pairing: Jungkook x female reader

↳Synopsis:

Jeongguk lets go of you. But when he comes back into your life for the briefest of moments he’s a little too late.

↳A/N: This is for the wonderful @gguksgalaxy for the prompt game which I was doing like months ago. I wrote this long ago and forgot to post it (big dumb energy) Sorry Gwaen. The ending made me super sad though. But I hope you like it!

{18 years of age}

Your heart thumps in your chest as everyone slowly gets picked into the teams. This is why you hated PE. You were usually the last one to be picked because everyone knew of your thorough incapability to play any kind of sports. It was common knowledge within your high school. So when you were forced to choose physical education as an elective to complete the required credits to graduate, you had no choice but to make yourself resilient to the fact that you would always be picked last.

It was worse because right now Jimin and Jeongguk were the captains of the dodgeball teams. As soon as he was chosen the captain of Team A Jimin had immediately looked to you and a sly smile tugged on his lips. You could see the wheels turning in his mind and you knew he was up to something.

So as you stand in the horrible PE attire you hope Jimin chooses you because the alternative will likely end up with you passing out. You can’t be in the same team as Jeon Jeongguk because you have a massive crush on him and every time you see him you feel like you will die. Some people call it being overdramatic but you call it being a teenager with no control over her emotions. You and Gus Isaacs are the only two people left as Jimin picks one of the guys from grade 12 into his team as his second-last pick. Not you, but someone else.

“Y/n”

You hear your name somewhere far in the distance but ignore the call and continue ruminating and chewing on your lip in the process.

“Y/n” you hear your name again, and this time it’s a bit clearer but you still ignore it and think you are probably hallucinating. Until Gus Isaacs elbows your side to bring you back to reality.

You wince in pain and hold onto the spot, giving Gus the evil eye as he motions towards the front. “Jeongguk chose you to be in his team”

You blink stupidly at him as if you can’t comprehend what he’s saying. You can’t. You hear the words ‘Jeongguk chose you to be in his team’ but they don’t connect right in your head. In fact they don’t connect at all so you miss the memo while the whole class gawks at you as you stare blankly at Gus.

“Y/n, do you wanna join the team?” Jeongguk asks firmly and with the usual confidence he carries.

In your repeated blinking state you turn to look ahead only to be subjected to a questioning look by Jeongguk.

Then your vision starts blurring and the last thing you remember is a heavy feeling taking over your limbs and someone shouting your name.

You awaken about an hour later in the school infirmary. You crack open an eye to find a boringly dull white ceiling gracing your view. You open your other eye and lower your gaze to find-

“Jeongguk?”

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

Why the fuck is Jeon Jeongguk here and not Jimin?

“I am fine” you strain as you try to get up. Jeongguk immediately places his hands on your elbows to help you sit up. You’re too wrapped up in your confusion to notice Jeongguk is touching you, otherwise, there would have been a reaction. “Where is Jimin?”

“He had to go to class and well someone needed to be here with you. So, I stayed”

“You don’t even know me” it’s a wonder you’re able to speak at all given that you fainted because of him. But he doesn’t need to know that.

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffs in a non-condescending way. “I have had every class with you since grade 8. Of course, I know you. Plus Jimin never shuts up about you and how great you are”

“You know me?” your eyes widen

He rolls his eyes. “Stop treating me like I am some damn celebrity. Contrary to the popular belief I am not a jerk”

“But you are a celebrity” you mumble under your breath, sheepishly casting your gaze at your lap.

“What?” he squints his eyes at you.

“Nothing. You can go by the way. I am fine” you swing your legs over the bed and plant your feet firmly on the ground. You pull yourself up with effort but a light feeling runs through you and you wobble on your feet and fall back down on the tiny bed.

“Yeah. You’re totally fine” Jeongguk muses sarcastically as he steadies you. “The nurse said you should go home. I’ll take you. Come on”

Your muscles feel tight and you feel the tension in every limb. This is probably what your mom means when she says she’s had an arthritis flare-up. It’s definitely not a fun feeling. You can’t move a muscle as Jeongguk quietly waits for you to say something. This is the most surreal situation you have ever been in. The eighteen-year-old you, crazed by hormones and prone to fantasizing doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“I can go home by myself”

“Sure. If you want faint on the way and then get kidnapped by some random creepy dude. Go ahead. Eighteen-year-old girls are like a hot commodity for those psycho’s” Jeongguk says firmly, clearly trying to scare you into submission.

“What makes you think I won’t get kidnapped if you’re with me?” you question with a slight intention of teasing.

He looks scandalized as his nose scrunches and brows knit together so tightly you never thought it was possible for someone to be that offended. “Excuse me. Have you seen me?”

Yes of course, you have seen him. You’ve memorized his whole fucking face and embedded it so deep into your memory you made sure that even retrograde amnesia couldn’t get rid of it. You have been looking at him from afar for so long, you know every little thing about him.

“Just because you are slightly buff doesn’t mean you can help me”

“Wow” his jaw drops. “I have added weights to my routine so I am way stronger than I used to be. I could protect you”

“Spoken like a true teenage guy living on testosterone” you chuckle.

He rolls his eyes yet again. “So now that I have proven my point, can I take you home?”

“I’ll spare your ego” your lips pull into a grin which he echoes.

He wraps an arm around your waist and you stand firmly on the ground, waiting to feel stable before you begin walking. Jeongguk doesn’t let go eyes resting on your face as he watches you inhale slowly before nodding.

Your skin burns, every limb feels with fiery wrath the effect of his touch. Your mouth dries, throat completely parched. Your hands become clammy as you curl your fists into the sticky palm.

“Are you good?” he asks

You nod. “It’s alright. You can let go”

“And have you fall and then I get blamed for it? No way” he shakes his head, resolute.

You sigh. “Fine then. Walk me home” you say and you won’t lie that even just a little part of you is ecstatic.

“Gladly” he greets you with a grin when you look up at him. “Where is your locker?” he asks as you both step out of the infirmary and into the quiet hall.

“It’s okay. I can text Jimin to bring my stuff later”

“You and Jimin that close?” he sounds resigned about it.

“I thought Jimin talked about me” you question as you walk side by side, Jeongguk guiding you with his hand on the small of your back.

“He says you’re friends. But he never mentioned you were close enough for him to go to your house” Jeongguk explains, his previously cheery voice slightly deflated.

“That’s kinda hard to do when he lives just down the street and he loves my mom’s cooking” you press your lips into a thin smile.

“Ah” he nods in acknowledgement. “Is he just a friend or…” Jeongguk trails, not really needing to go any further because it is self-explanatory.

You reach the west side exit and step out into the cool spring afternoon with the sun shining brightly overhead. “Why are you so interested?” you cock a brow at him.

“No reason” he shrugs. “Just wanted to know if Jimin had a girl” he waves it off casually. “Anyway, so tell me something about yourself”

Your eyes narrow in confusion. “We’re making small talk now?”

“I didn’t mention the weather did I?” Jeongguk chuckles.

“Fine. What do you want to know?”

He pouts, eyes squinting as he looks into the distance. He looks cute when pouts and he does that a lot. It’s creepy that you know this but when you’ve spent a better part of your high school life fantasizing over the guy it becomes second nature after a while.

“Tell me something Jimin doesn’t know” his eyes widen with a hint of excitement.

“Oh, that’s hard because I tell Jimin everything” you pause, trying to rack your brain for something you have never told Jimin.

“There has to be one thing” Jeongguk prompts.

Your lips just out as you try really hard to think.

Then it hits you.

“Don’t tell him but one time when we were younger he thought he lost his favourite toy. But really I took it from him and never told him about it”

“Wow. What a thief” Jeongguk teases with a laugh.

“He still talks about it and it’s so awkward” you shake your head, reminiscing about the time when Jimin has mentioned his missing action figurine.

“Why did you take it?” Jeongguk asks.

“The day before I took it, he went off to play with some of the other kids. I was mad that I had to play alone while he was having fun with them on the roundabout, and the swings and they were running around laughing. I felt abandoned so the next day I took it and pretended like he lost it”

“Remind me not to piss you off” he jokes, his hand which was resting on the small of your back, suddenly thrown over your shoulder.

You look down at his hand as it dangles over your shoulder. It’s awfully intimate for two people who have just met. But you shake your head because you can’t let these thoughts limit you and freeze you up. You’re finally talking to him and you’re having a good conversation. So you can’t jeopardize this because your body automatically reacts to his touch. That can’t be why you shoot yourself in the foot, so you maintain your calm by inhaling deeply and forcing your body to relax.

“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone” you look at him, noticing how he’s chewing on his lips looking into the distance.

He looks down at you with a soft smile. “I’ll tell you. I promise. When the time is right”

“How is that fair?” you pout.

“Wow child” he pinches your nose, wrinkling his own nose in a cute manner. He retracts his hand, letting it fall to his side.

“Fine. It’s not like I’ll die if I don’t know your deepest darkest secret”

It elicits a hearty laugh from him.

{20 years of age}

Jeongguk stands at your door, chewing on his lip as he tries to decide if he’s making the wrong move. But then he remembers he promised he’ll tell you something he hasn’t told anyone. Even if that was two years ago and he’s a little too late in keeping his promise he still needs to tell you. He doesn’t know where it’s going to head, or what exactly he’s going to say because you’re kind of his best friend and he doesn’t want you to feel like he doesn’t care about you.

So with a deep inhale he knocks on the door and waits. He can hear the footsteps nearing and then the door opens to reveal you.

“Who invited you?” you joke, stepping aside and motioning for him to come in.

“I invited myself. I think I can come to my best friend’s house without an invitation. It’s kinda my right” he leans in and presses a kiss to your temple before ridding himself of his shoes and walking down the hall and falling onto the couch.

You follow him with a shake of the head. After two years of being friends and then eventually best friends with him, you’ve made yourself five percent immune to his actions which border between platonic and romantic. You don’t think he realizes it because he always does things like holding your hand out of nowhere or kissing you on the forehead as a goodbye.

You collapse next to him, and like a reflex, he pulls you into him wrapping an arm around your shoulder, fingers stroking the soft flesh. “I ask again you’re here because…”

“I can’t come and see my best friend? I missed you” he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. Your eyes close momentarily as you cherish his touch because this is all you will get. This is as close you will be to being something more to him.

“You can. But you just saw me five hours ago and we hung out. Now you’re here and you’re…” you look up at him and place your index finger in the middle of his forehead. “Now you’re frowning which means you’re stuck”

“I am stuck?” he looks down at you, a soft crinkle in the corner of his eyes.

“I mean something is bothering you” you pull your finger away and rest your hand in your lap.

“How do you always know?” he smiles softly.

Yeah. How do you know?

Is it because you have loved the guy for so long or because you pay very careful attention to him? It’s not like you can tell him so you settle for-

“I just know. Now tell me what’s going on in that big head of yours” you tap his temple with your finger.

“Okay first, I am not big-headed. Secondly, I have something to tell you”

“Are you finally going to keep your promise from two years ago?” you shuffle your head so you can get a look at him. He’s lost in thought, a vacant expression holding his gaze away from you.

“I am kind of dating Kira” he lets out a shaky breath.

You pull yourself away, suddenly feeling cold all over. Your heart pounds against your chest, the rhythm thrumming so loud in your ears they start ringing. You swallow, looking into the eyes of this majestic man in front of you who has slipped from your fingers like sand. There is no hope now. He’s gone.

But worse than that he’s dating Kira. She’s the epitome of a mean girl. Even worse.

“Since when?” you whisper softly, feeling your heart shatter into pieces as each second passes by.

“Four months” he replies, not meeting your gaze. “I was going to tell you but I thought I’d wait until things get serious enough”

If there was ever any hope of recovering from this, it’s gone now. You can imagine yourself moping, and crying in the near future because you couldn’t tell him first how you felt. Maybe if you had given in to bravery instead of your fears you might have been the one dating him.

“Why?” your heartbreak echoes in your words. You don’t know if he can hear it. You’re not even mad that he kept it from you for months. You are so severely hurt you can’t even begin to feel angry about it. It feels hollow inside, like the place where your heart should be is empty. A cold chill runs down your spine as you stare into Jeongguk’s eyes-- the ones that always feel like home-- but now they feel like a strange abyss.

“Because she’s actually sweet. She’s nice”

You put your feelings aside for a moment because this is bigger than you. Just because you feel like you’re suffocating sitting next to him; just because it feels like the end and just because you feel like you’ll die doesn’t mean you’ll let him ruin himself. She’s wrong for him in ways he can’t see.

“Jeongguk. Listen, I know you think you like her. I know you think she’s nice but she’s not”

“Please y/n” he whispers, reaching for your hand and holding it in his. “Not you. You have to side with me on this”

“I want to. If this was someone else” your throat constricts even thinking about it. You swallow. “I would be completely happy for you. But Kira isn’t what you deserve. You deserve better. You deserve good and she’s not it”

Jeongguk’s hold on your hand slackens. “Just because you can’t see the good in her, doesn’t mean she isn’t”

You stare back at him, the way his jaw sets tightly, the way he’s trying so hard not to be angry at you. “I can’t. I can’t tell you what you want to hear. My job as your best friend is to save you not destroy you”

He pulls his hand away from yours and gets up. “Whatever,” he says. “I don’t need your approval. I just thought I should tell you”

“Jeongguk-”

“Bye y/n” his gaze lingers on you before he walks to the front door and leaves.

You didn’t think your friendship with Jeongguk was so fragile that it would fracture under the weight of his feelings for Kira. But since he’s actually avoiding you, you presumed wrong. He’s not been answering any of your texts or calls. He hasn’t visited you even once in the weeks after he admitted the truth to you.

He’s vanished from your life-- like he never existed.

It leaves a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach to know that he’s just decided not to be a part of your life anymore. You feel hurt, but more than feeling hurt you feel disappointed in yourself. Trust is a fickle thing. It’s earned through effort and broken without lifting a finger. Did Jeongguk not know that? Does he not understand that you want what is best for him? Can he really not see that you have always been on his side?

But how do you bring someone back from the edge when they have decided to take the fall?

“Missing your best friend?” Kira makes an unwanted appearance as your eyes focus back to reality. She’s got a sly smirk on her face.

You roll your eyes. “I am sure you got into his head”

“He’s not a plaything. He knows what’s right and wrong for him” she folds her arms across her chest.

“You got what you wanted. Fuck off now” you bite through clenched teeth as you gather your belongings, ready to leave. You’re almost out of the door when Kira speaks.

“He knows you like him.” she says in a condescending tone.

Your steps halt and so does your heart. You turn around. “Just when I thought you couldn’t sink any lower”

She shrugs. “Your perceptions of me are your problem. Not mine”

“A snake like you doesn’t deserve him”

She laughs with a roll of her eyes. “You think you deserve him?”

Your jaw sets tight as you glare at her. “I do. I deserve him because I’ve been with him through thick and thin. I’ve mended his broken heart, I’ve tended to him when he fell sick, I’ve put my life on hold to help him live his. So fuck yes I deserve him”

She quietly observes smirk still plastered to her lips like she’s incapable of expressing herself in any other way. But then the smirk falters and sets into a frown. “Y/n please don’t” she reaches for your hands, crushing them between hers on purpose.

“What?” your nose scrunches in confusion.

“Jeongguk is your best friend. Don’t leave him because of me” her eyes become glossy, furthering your confusion. “I’ll break up with him” a single tear escapes her eye.

“Wha-”

“Kira. Dont.” a firm voice draws your attention. You turn around to find Jeongguk glaring at you.

With quick strides, he stands between you and Kira and he tugs her hands out of yours.

“I know you don’t like her but I never thought you would try to go behind my back and try to sabotage my relationship” Jeongguk looks at you with such venom laced eyes it pulls at your heartstrings.

“What? I didn’t even-”

“It’s okay kookie” Kira sniffles leaning into his chest.

You gawk at her, blinking repeatedly at the scene in front of you.

“Wow” your brows knit together, jaw agape as you look at her completely mortified. “She’s lying” you turn to Jeongguk. His nostrils flare, chest heaving as he stares at you--clearly not believing you, his best fucking friend of two years. He takes the word a girl he’s known for a few months. He doesn’t even need to say anything for you to know what he’s thinking. His eyes say it all, the hatred with which he’s looking at you says it all.

“You know what Jeongguk, she’s changed you and you can’t even see it” your eyes sting with tears. You have so much to say but you bite your words because Jeongguk can’t see past his feelings.

“You just can’t see me happy because you like me” his voice cracks, and you can see the shine overcoming his eyes before he turns away.

Your heart sinks in your chest. It’s not what he’s saying. It’s the accusatory tone of his voice that hurts. “Well, congratulations Jeongguk. You don’t have to feel burdened by it anymore. Have a great fucking life” you bite.

Kira looks up at you, a smile quivering on her lips. She glances up at Jeongguk who’s looking away to the side and then turns to you as she lets herself smile. She’s won.

You turn on your heels and walk away from them-- from the pain of it all because there is no point anymore. It’s like someone has driven a stake through your heart. It would have been better if that happened because the alternative is losing your best friend which hurts more than any pain that could be inflicted on you.

There is a sharp ache that settles in your chest as you walk away. But even as you do there is a tiny sliver of hope that he’ll call out your name and tell you to stay. Bit by bit it breaks as you step further away from him, until you are out of the door.

But you don’t hear his voice

{23 years of age}

You didn’t think you would ever get over Jeongguk. But Jimin helped you in ways you couldn’t imagine. He never took advantage of your vulnerable state, he never inserted himself in your life when you were at your weakest. He was just there, being your friend when you realized that somehow he had pieced your heart back together without even trying.

He never tried to get you to move on from Jeongguk. He knew you liked him-- loved him rather. He was there for the drunken nights when all you could manage were sobs because your chest felt tight, and memories of Jeongguk would come rushing back in your inebriated state. Jimin’s silence spoke volumes and even through the haze you could see how much he cared as he would silently place your head on his shoulder and hold you close.

Since the day Jeongguk let you walk away from his life, Jimin has been there. He’s with you now, holding your hand, squeezing it tight as Jeongguk stands in front of you, puffy-eyed. Jimin slowly laces his fingers with yours, eyes never wavering from Jeongguk. The breath that has been caught in your throat finally releases and relief floods your chest. A slight ache settles deep somewhere, into far depths of your entire being and it begins to radiate until you feel a sharp stabbing sensation in your chest that has you squeezing Jimin’s hand like its your lifeline.

“Y/n” Jeongguk’s quiet and firm voice reverberates through the air as it reaches you

Pain forgotten, your eyes find purchase on the floor. You can feel your knees beginning to give out, a slight quiver indicating that you won’t be able to stand much longer. You are suddenly steadied on your feet. You look down at your waist to find a hand resting on your side.

“I’ve got you y/n. You just have to be brave” Jimin whispers in your ear.

You don’t know how to be brave. You thought three years was enough time to prepare yourself, to harden your heart to the fact that Jeon Jeongguk would never be a part of your life again. But maybe you never could move on. Maybe you will never be able to forget Jeongguk. Maybe you will never be strong enough to stand on your feet by yourself in front of him, and perhaps he will always be your greatest weakness.

But he looks broken.

As much as you did the day he let go of you without a second of hesitation. You can still remember the look of determination in his eyes, his set jaw, as he had looked away and without even a glance let you walk away from him.

That should be enough to make all the panic go away. That should give way to anger. But all that serves to do is remind you of how much it hurt to let him go.

“How have you been?” Jeongguk speaks but this time his voice shakes.

You shudder.

“I- I wanted to see you earlier but…” he trails off.

You just have to be brave- Jimin’s voice rings in your head.

“Let’s go Jimin” your voice is meek. Your action is anything but.

Jimin nods and leads you, his hand still holding onto yours tightly as you begin to walk past Jeongguk. It feels slightly nostalgic--walking away from him all over again.

“Y/n wait” Jeongguk is quick to catch a hold of your wrist just as you are passing by him.

You’re tugged in both directions as both men hold onto your hands. You’re forced to stop and face Jeongguk.

“You know you have some nerve Jeongguk” Jimin’s voice is firm as he grits his teeth.

“Stay out of it, Jimin. Please” Jeongguk stares intently at Jimin, but his tone isn’t hostile.

Jimin rolls his eyes. “It’s making her uncomfortable” Jimin bites back, hardly able to control his anger. It seeps through his words.

Jeongguk’s eyes shift focus to you and it’s clear as day that you are in fact uncomfortable. He notices the pained look in your face, the cloud of wispy breath fogging his view as you inhale sharply. He can see it in the way you’re avoiding him, the way your eyes are dancing around, restless and refusing to settle.

He lets go and licks his lips. “I am sorry y/n”

That gets your attention. It’s taken him three years to say that to you. “Sorry?” you scoff, anxiety and inhibition are forgotten as you meet his gaze.

“I know I was a dick to you-”

“You broke my heart Jeongguk. You broke--” you stop to gulp the tight knot down your throat. “You broke my heart to pieces and you didn’t even hesitate. Your ‘sorry’ won’t fix it”

“I know. So tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix it”

“You can’t. I won’t make you feel guilty and tell you that you could have done it. I know you were in love. But were you so afraid of my feelings for you that you couldn’t even have listened to me? We could have been friends in the very least. I would have been fine with it”

There is a pregnant pause. Jeongguk’s eyes flutter to the ground, and he chews on his lip in silence.

“I wouldn’t have been y/n” his gentle voice cuts through

“What?”

“You’re right. The moment I found out you liked me, I freaked out. I realized something at that moment and it scared me. I didn’t know how to deal with it so I thought the best thing would be for me to let you go. Then I saw Kira crying and I thought you guys got into a fight and it gave me a reason to let you go. Otherwise, I never would have”

You feel Jimin looking at you through the periphery. You quickly glance at him. Jeongguk lifts his head to meet your gaze.

“What scared you?”

“The fact that I liked you. The realization that I had--have-- always liked you scared me. It terrified me because it was too real. I could see it in my head y/n-- being with you. It was easy to imagine but I have been a commitment-phobe my entire life. I just couldn’t bring myself to”

You gulp hard. Your mouth is dry and in the cold January morning, your hand starts to sweat. You blink profusely at Jeongguk, unable to fathom his words. Jimin squeezes your hand, reassuring you, and reminding you to stay in the moment and not get swept away in the flood of your feelings. It grounds you and enables you to look a Jeongguk without feeling like you will lose your breath at any moment.

“I am sorry Jeongguk. You’re a little too late” you spare him one moment of a glance before turning on your heels.

“If you don’t hold me right now, I might just fall apart” his voice squeaks.

You halt in your steps. You pivot on your heels and face him. He stands with his head hung low, soft muffled sounds escaping his mouth, and you can see a tear fall down his cheek. You quickly look at Jimin.

“Y/n” he says warningly.

But you nod your head in reassurance and he loosens his grip on your hand.

“I’d never let you fall apart Jeongguk. Never” you say quietly as you stand on your toes and wrap your hands behind his shoulders in an embrace. A moment passes as he stands limply in your arms before you feel his hands squeezing around your waist. “I know what it’s like to fall apart and feel alone. I’d never wish that for you” you hug tighter, resting your chin against his shoulder. You can hear the sound of his tears hitting your jacket, and it breaks your heart too.

A few beats of silence pass while you hold each other. You feel the heaviness that had weighed your heart down for three years melting away. Jeongguk sniffles and steps back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“So does that mean-” you can see the glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“No” you say firmly, holding his hands into yours. “No Jeongguk. I won’t be able to this time” you shake your head and just like that the dull look is back in his eyes. “Look at what not being together did to us. Being together would destroy us. The possibility that it could go sideways at any moment would ruin both of us. I told you, I will not let that happen to you” your voice quivers.

“Y/n…”

“I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember Jeongguk. I still do and maybe I always will. But we can’t always have what we want, can we?” your lips curl into a faint smile.

Jeongguk sighs heavily. Tears stream down his cheeks as they do yours. “No, we can’t” he replies, his fingers slipping through your hands.

“Bye Jeongguk” you stand on your toes as you kiss his cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling away.

“Bye y/n” he whispers, closing his eyes. He hears your footsteps retreat. He feels the cold breeze of wind caressing his face. He opens his eyes.

You’re gone.

And he is alone.

Let me know your thoughts! Thank you so much for reading this!

#bts #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bangtanhq #ficswithluv #bts jungkook #bts angst #jungkook x reader #bts jungkook imagines #jungkook one shot #bts writing #bts fanfiction #sfw

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iamjungkooked · 4 years