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yersina · 1 year

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[part 2]

When Eddie walks into the new Pokemon Nursery in his hometown and is confronted with the view of Steve Harrington, former member of the Elite Four, behind the counter, he immediately turns on his heel and walks back out so he can duck behind the brick wall of the exterior and hyperventilate for a little bit.

Right.

He’d forgotten: Steve (former member of the Elite goddamn Four) hails from Hawkins too.

When Steve had fought his way onto the Elite Four, he’d been the talk of the town. Even Wayne had brought it up when Eddie had finally stopped at a Pokemon Center to accept his call. The Harrington boy’s in the Four, didja hear? he’d said. Eddie sure had—from every single person who’d seen his hometown written on his Trainer License that week. His Rotom Phone had proudly displayed every article written about the guy, each with the same photo in its thumbnail: Steve, backlit by the bright gym lights, Pokeball in hand and Growlithe at his side.

It made for a pretty picture, sure, but Eddie still has memories of the Harrington manor on the outskirts of Hawkins, like Harrington Senior and Lady Harrington couldn’t bear to set foot in the town proper. When he’d run into them at the PokeMart once, they’d sneered at him and his dirty shoes and tugged away a young Steve with rough motions. He can’t imagine that Steve himself would be any different, growing up in a family like that.

(None of this stops him from caving and watching the recording of the fateful gym battle on his Rotom Phone, screen bright in the darkness of his room in the Pokemon Center and breath caught in his throat. Steve, oddly, had a rough way of battling—intuitive and smart but not elegant. Not like it’d be if he had battling tutors or proper training. At the end of the battle, he runs out onto the field, heedless of the craters and cracks in the ground, and smothers his Empoleon in a hug while Growlithe barks up a storm behind him.

Eddie wonders why they didn’t take a picture of that.)

But here Steve Harrington is, back in Eddie’s hometown and standing between him and getting his Chingling looked at. Great.

He briefly wonders if he could wait and come back another day, or preferably find his way to another town far from here where there’s no threat of having his Pokemon seen to by Steve Harrington (formerly of the Elite Four) but he’s already promised Wayne that he’s staying for dinner at the very least, and also that’s Steve Harrington pushing open the door and looking over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Hey,” Steve greets. Eddie stares. “You. Uh. You okay over there? I noticed you come in for a moment earlier.”

“Yeeep,” Eddie squeaks miserably. Out of the limelight, Steve still looks unfairly pretty. Eddie can no longer say that it’s the magic of makeup and adrenaline that makes his cheeks rosy red and it’s not sweat that makes his skin glow. That’s unfair, right? Some people just get dealt all the luckiest cards in life. “I’m doing just peachy. I’ll head in in a sec, just… decided I needed some more air.”

Steve gives him a look that says he buys absolutely none of Eddie’s bullshit. “…right. Well, we’ll be here when you’re ready.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

Eddie groans and knocks his head back against the brick wall. What is his life.

He allows himself ten seconds of self-pity before sucking in a breath and then ten more seconds of self-questioning before he lets the breath out and then he has a final ten seconds of pep talk before finally pushing open the door—for real this time.

“Hi,” Steve greets again, and oh, that’s not fair, he’s got his arms wrapped around a wriggling Tinkatink, looking completely nonchalant and distressingly competent while she wails. “Sorry, this one grew up kind of isolated, we’re still getting her socialized to humans—hey, calm down, it’s okay, remember? We talked about this. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe with me.” He says all of this in a low, soothing tone, stroking the sides of the Tinkatink until she finally seems to cry herself out, blinking watery eyes up at Steve. “Can you stay out here while I help this nice gentleman?” Her mouth wobbles concerning for a moment before she nods hesitantly. “You’re doing so great, Tinkatink. Proud of you.” He gives her one last head pat before looking up at Eddie. “Sorry, again. How can I help you?”

Eddie hesitantly inches towards the counter, not wanting to provoke the Pokemon into a crying fit again. “Hey, it’s cool. Can’t say I’ve had anyone call me ‘nice’ or a ‘gentleman’ before though.”

Steve huffs a laugh. Great, now Eddie knows the corners of his eyes crinkle when he’s amused. “Thanks for the warning, I think.”

He waits expectantly until it finally, embarrassingly, clicks for Eddie, and he scrambles to bring out Chingling’s Pokeball from his bag. “My Chingling hatched recently, but she’s been making this weird garbled noise? I’ve been keeping her in a Pokeball ever since, just in case, but I’m not sure what to do.” It had been terrifying, frankly, when Chingling had started making sounds that were awfully reminiscent of choking. Putting her in a Pokeball was as much for her own protection as it was for Eddie’s sanity. “I’ve used a heal on her and taken her to a PokeCenter already, but neither of those changed anything.”

Steve hums. “Tinkatink,” he says to the pink Pokemon now huddled half-behind Steve on the counter, “can you step to the side for a little bit? I’m going to look at this nice gentleman’s Chingling.”

Tinkatink, to her credit, looks like she thinks about it very hard before shaking her head in a firm no. Steve sighs. “Will Chingling be bothered by another Pokemon? I don’t think I can get her away at this point unless I return her to her Pokeball.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Chingling loves socializing.” Eddie doesn’t actually know, since his Chingling’s been stuck in a Pokeball most of the time since she’s been hatched, but it’s an educated guess. Probably.

He taps on the Pokeball and lets Chingling out onto the same counter. “Hey, sweetheart,” he greets softly. He winces when Chingling’s returning chime is the equivalent of a human wheeze. “Yeah, there it is.”

“Well, her breathing sounds fine, thankfully,” Steve evaluates swiftly, which is already a weight off Eddie’s shoulders. “She seems to be doing alright other than when she talks, so—”

And then, to Eddie’s horror, he clamps one hand down on each side of Chingling’s head, pushes her mouth open, and sticks a hand inside. “Uh,” Eddie says weakly. “Excuse me?”

“This isn’t as awful as it looks, I promise,” Steve mutters distractedly, fishing around in there for something. Chingling doesn’t look particularly bothered, at least, even with her mouth propped open on Steve’s arm. Eddie’s still not sure how to take any of this. “Faster than looking for my flashlight—ah.” He pulls his hand out from Chingling’s mouth, fingers wrapped around something. “There we go.”

And… it’s a rock.

“It’s a rock,” Eddie observes astutely.

“Yeah. Not uncommon for Chinglings, actually.” He pats Chingling on the head, and she jingles merrily at him.

“Oh, you’re back to normal!” Eddie cries. He scoops Chingling up in his arms and attempts to cuddle her within an inch of her life. “Never scare me like that again.” He gets a muffled chime in return.

Steve watches the whole show with a faint smile. “Just be careful of what Chingling eats from now on. They make sound through, uh, what’s basically their own rock, so if anything else gets stuck down there, it messes up the sound. Not really harmful, but it’s worth keeping an eye on her, especially if she’s the curious sort.” He reaches over and tickles her side until she sticks her head out curiously from the circle of Eddie’s arms. “Be careful, okay? If you keep out of trouble, you’ll grow to be a big and strong Chimecho in no time.” She jingles at him cheerily. “No biggie,” he says, turning back to Eddie. “Just a quick fix.”

“Seriously, thank you so much.” Eddie shifts Chingling to one arm and goes digging for his wallet. “How much do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it.” When he meets Steve’s eyes, agape, Steve gives him a wink and a smile. Eddie refuses—refuses—to think of the smile as shy. Or bashful. Or flirtatious. Or anything that might be Eddie’s own wishful interpretation. Steve is just smiling. Just smiling. “It took, like, two seconds. Chill. We’ll call it a free consultation.”

“I mean, yeah, I guess, but.” Eddie flounders awkwardly like a Magikarp out of water. “Are you sure?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” At Eddie’s continued hesitation, he sighs. “Seriously, don’t think too hard about it. If you really want to thank me, come back again.”

As much as he wants to protest, Eddie hadn’t been raised to turn down what is the equivalent of free money. “Alright, if you say so.” He shifts Chingling to a more comfortable hold, cradling her in his hands. “And it’s Eddie by the way. Still wouldn’t say that I’m a ‘nice gentleman’.”

Steve laughs. “Sure, sure. Nice to meet you, Eddie. I’m Steve.” Eddie swallows down his I know. “Have a good day,” he says in a very clear dismissal. “Hope to see you back here soon.”

“‘Bye, Steve,’” Eddie squeaks in a falsetto, waving one of Chingling’s arms. Steve, gamely, waves back. “See you around, man.”

And just like that, he steps back out of Steve Harrington’s life, but now with the knowledge that the guy is so, so gentle with Pokemon, has a beautiful smile, and is generous enough to let Eddie get away with what was definitely not a free consultation.

Fuck, he’s gonna have to come back, isn’t he?

Goddammit.

#sina writes #fanfiction #stranger things #steddie #tho I guess this is more pre-steddie #pokemon au #why did Eddie choose to take chingling to a nursery instead of a Pokemon center you ask?#good question! my excuse is that Hawkins is too small for their own Pokemon center so they don’t actually have one #you’d have to go to a bigger town further away to get your Pokemon checked out so the nursery’s more convenient

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galaxywolfpup · 3 months

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I'm sick and tired of this "Aang is better than Korra" bullshit. Although I prefer LOK over ATLA, I don't think Korra is a better Avatar than Aang or vice versa. Honestly the only criticism I have of LOK is that it should've had more fillers, and fuck Nickelodeon for being cheap like that.

How is it not obvious that their both products of their time/environment?!?! Korra grew up in a training compound with people repeating how she's destined for great things because she's the avatar (growing up isolated like that affected her ability to socialize, which also explains some of her behavior). Her problems were much more complex, and a different bad guy with each season, always more powerful than the last. But what seems to upset people the most was Korra's pride and cockiness, which again, is just a result of the environment she grew up in.

Aang literally ran away when he found out he was the avatar. He ran from the responsibility. And though that ended up saving his life, he didn't want to be the avatar which definitely partially fueled his humility towards it (his culture also influenced him). During the show, he never got control of the avatar state. Also, the technology advancements he didn't have to worry about??? And he just had the one boss with a bunch of mini bosses. He knew who was looking for him, he (basically) knew what to expect in a fight. With Korra, there was a new boss each season, and they kept getting more powerful

Frankly, I have no idea why people even bother comparing them. Their problems are just too different. As far as the past lives, in ATLA Roku was the only one really talking to Aang because it's because of him, arguably, that the Fire Nation war started.

Criticizing Korra for struggling with air bending and the spiritual stuff? Aang struggled with earth bending and fore bending after he burned Katara.

The more I think about it, the more I feel LoK was just somehow ahead of its time.

#lok #avatar the legend of korra #avatar korra #atla #avatar aang #aang isn't better than korra #they are equal

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wintryethereal · 2 years

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Thoughts from the past month and a half, I guess

TW: depression, mention of loss of adoptive father.

Disconnected flow of thoughts, read at your own discretion.

Working on my book series is cathartic not just to play with my ideas but because I have an irrational fear that no woman will ever be romantically interested in me, all because my personality disorder beats me up with my own memories. Faina Laward is literally living my dream by having Karma Brestin and Ba'al Berith as her love interests. I have my own character and love interests in the books. Faina is a physically suitable heroine, I'm not.

The thoughts that kept me up until 6 AM which my quetiapine now mostly quell occasionally shit on my self-esteem whenever I can’t occupy my brain with writing, videos or games. The thoughts include my high school memories, the entire holiday season of 2019, as that was when I lost my adoptive dad, and my status as a single bisexual panromantic woman who has only ever been hit on by cishet men. I have no social life because I realized that, even online, I’m not good at it, even when I push myself to meet new people, (that’s a fucking lie, see the next paragraph). I at some point in the past two months or so realized I was stressed, overstimulated and underappreciated by my two ex-boyfriends, while my LOTRO kinship friends, who I barely talk to simply because I don’t open Discord everyday, which is definitely part of why I ghost people, oops, have shown the most love to me in the past year.

I have and can be a good, attentive friend. I know it’s probably my self-isolating schedule and lifestyle, but even as an almost always online person, non-cishet men very rarely PM me when I join a new server. A couple weeks ago, a woman needed to chat with someone as she was mentally preparing to leave her cheating and neglectful husband. We talked for maybe two days. She wasn’t overwhelmed or intimidated by my many layers. I had edited my introduction post in that server twice. After the first time, a rude INTJ cishet man who I don't think actually understood that I wasn't interested in his comics, which he didn't show me so I could compliment him, nor care about his writing group which he didn't tell me about in any further detail, and how his first message questioned the critical state I was in, that day, desperately needing to talk to someone after having socially isolated for at least a month, in a way that just urked me and made me afraid and impulsively fear him as a psychopath. All because he had allowed me to be open, as I prefer to be, without offering anything in return but words akin to "I'm sorry". Fucking bullshit. As a result, him and I had a huge disagreement, insultied each other, and blocked.

Do I just have horrible luck? My brain doesn’t help me at all, or at least that's how I remember all of my friendship attempts going. I’m so miserable, I feel abandoned and unloved by the people who make me awe and remember the good parts of humanity. And I'm become afraid of talking with them because so many of them have already been hurt in social situations. All of my K-pop Twitter friends have their own groups and are dating each other. I haven’t talked to any of those people in over a year, as a result. I desperately just want non cishet men to socialize with. It shouldn’t be this hard, but it is.

It’s almost like I have ADHD going on with my autism, yee fucking haw!

As a Virgo INFP (I probably would be INTJ if my foster parents had given a shit, thus preventing my personality disorder), things can get really sad in my brain. I do my best to just allow myself to be sad ‘cause I’m home and in my bedroom all the time, so I can just yeet myself into bed and cuddle my Zhongli body pillow and talk to whatever character my brain says will do the trick. I should totally have a Kokomi body pillow too lol. I talk, cry if my brain and the scenario I create allows for it, and work my way towards a joke, a cute platonic or romantic moment so I can get back to writing, or take a “hippo nap” if it’s day-time or my meds half an hour early if it’s ten o’clock. I've had scenarios where I roleplayed for two hours and looked at my phone wishing it was ten or 10:30. The scenarios reboot a lot, especially if I’m trying to roleplay interacting with women or queer people to comfort myself.

Yeah. I’m used to playing by myself. Probably to my downfall. I came out as pansexual when I was fifteen, right around the time Mom was trying to help me figure out why I was so miserable. I still adore and feel attracted everyone. I just kept looking at people and realized the masculine and feminine presenting people get me the most excited, make me blush, smile, awe and rewind to examine what they looked like. God, I love fashion, it’s so great. There’s so much to learn and unpack, and I don’t even know where to start to tell you about that!

Sigh. Oh. Oh, that helped, shit. OK, well, time to take my meds. I'm gonna go lay down and think happy thoughts, imagine myself on my magic train to the North Pole filled with singing and dancing idols, and all of that fun stuff. Y'all can ask questions and talk to me if you want. Take care everyone, bye.

#updates #current mood #personal vent #long post #i'm probably going to delete this #but also this blog was dead #so i'll probably keep it #sad bisexual #seriously ya'll can DM or reblog w/your thoughts #i am accepting words from everyone who isn't a cishet man lol

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Genshin: Roommate HCs [V1]

To be honest, I just wanted to ramble some more and let my brainworms take over. This is sorta late but Happy Valentine’s everyone! I was gonna post this earlier but this honestly took me a long time to write so I moved it to today.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. Seriously, as much as I love writing this non-serious fics. Why do you people like this?

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Based off my ramblings with Keqing anon: Link

Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @kaechu @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @rokipersonal@minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki @hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @nonniechan @htnicayh @genshins1mpact

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Diluc

What? Diluc has a roommate? Did you blackmail him in living with you? Is that even possible? Did you throw yourself in front of his car because you needed someone to pay for your student loans and the easiest way was to file a lawsuit? In this economy no one would blame you. Diluc seems like such the self-isolated character that would murder his roommate in cold blood but in reality, he act’s detached from the world because he forgot how to socialize and he’s desperately trying to cover it up without choking. That or he’s trying to learn how to astral project. If he could drink away the pain he would but instead he buys 20 packs of grape Kool-Aid and injects it into his veins.

Does not and will not ever have a normal sleeping schedule. You’ll wake up to him working, come back home to him working, and will sleep to him still working. His daily dose of Vitamin D is from the brightness of his screen rather than the sun and he’s filter feeding at this point. It’s concerning. He’s going to crumble and he’s bringing the world down with him. Through the power of tax evasion. But as soon as he needs to walk out into society, he pulls movie magic and looks like perfection. It’s both physically and mentally disgusting.

He’s actually is a really nice roommate to have just so long as you give him space. Great cook and knows to clean up after himself. Though he does have crash and burn days where’s he’s completely out of commission. You could set the entire apartment on fire and he would sleep through it. The entire two weeks are dedicated to zombie eye marathons and then he’ll suddenly collapse and sleep for 46 hours straight. When he wakes up from his hibernation he’s the most groggy and nonsensical person. His life blood is coffee because you keep hiding the 5 hour energy away from him because, you know, life is enjoyable and those cancer bottles will actually kill him.

“University sucks our money out of our bodies faster than our will to live.”

Beidou [Happy Birthday Queen 💕]

Despite her appearance, she’s actually really strong and it scares the piss out of you when you’re doing something or scrolling through your phone mindlessly and you suddenly get your spine re-arranged when she slaps you on the back to ask what you’re doing. Likewise, when she hoists you up and throws you over her shoulder so you come with her on her 3am convivence store raids for alcohol. It’s either you change now or else we’re walking out of the apartment in your t-shirt and no pants self. She can and will carry you under her arm that way. It’s both incredibly attractive and horrifying at the same time.

She’s really friendly and a great talker if you’re alright with her “I must hold you in my arms, fresh prince of bel air style”. It doesn’t matter if you’re taller than her, she’s doing it. She does however, get in a bit of trouble from her rowdiness and you often get noise complaints but Beidou just passes them off to Ningguang and everything is fixed. She has ovaries of steel when neighbors rather confront her personally and she’s ready to 1v1 in the parking lot. You’re trying to desperately hold onto her shirt to stop her from pile driving your neighbors for the third time this week but she’s too strong.

She’s constant party until we die attitude and suffers the hangover in the morning. It’s actually really funny to catch her in her hangover moods because whatever filter Beidou had, which is none, is gone. She really takes “cursing like a sailor” or the next level and the amount of creativity she comes up with is actually impressive. She can be a bit messy but she’s really likeable and always down to go anywhere with you as long as you’ll do the same. It’s a very ride together, we die together situation. You’re my best friend, you’re dying with me. I’ll see you in hell.

“Imma T pose over my dad and then crash the car into the parking garage.”

Kaeya

Kaeya on the surface seems like such a chill roommate. And he is for the most part. But he’s such an ass. Your things are his things, no questions asked. If you just bought a really nice sweater or you had leftover food, that’s his now. He’s innocent until proven guilty even if he’s literally holding your lunch. The pure amount of bullshit he can spit out to convince you that no, he did not pull the fire alarm because he wanted an excuse for not going to work, puts him on Shakespeare level. He’s also very pretty, way too pretty, sir can you share some of your genes?

But aside from that, he’s actually super dependable. You forgot something at home? Sure, he has nothing better to do so he can bring them for you. We’re missing eggs? No problem, he’s just by the store. You’re 95% sure that he just wants to be cheeky and make you thank him for 20 minutes before he actually hands you what you asked for. It’s better for you if you never tell him anything you’re afraid of because Kaeya has no social cues, or more like he throws them out the window, and he’s probably a psychopath.

He’s incredibly private of his room and things despite his attitude towards yours. You’re convinced he either has a secret lab or that’s where he’s storing the bodies. I was the good guy but due to unfortunate circumstances, I need to stab a bitch. But he’s a really good serious talker for those 3am, because everything happens at 3am, talks about life and the meaning of the universe. It absolutely wrecks your sleep schedule but some of the things you talk about are the most crackhead things like what’s the lowest amount of money someone would have to pay you to walk outside without clothes? It’s a legitimate question.

“Never before have I been so offended with something I 100% agree with.”

Jean

Okay, what world did you save in a past life to live with his absolutely wonderful woman? Mother Teresa take a load off, take a seat. You have nothing to worry about. She’ll bring home little treats back home and it’s the most wholesome thing ever?? Is this what love and affection feels like? We’ve been starved for so long. She says it’s not a big deal and anyone would do it BUT THE MOMENT SOMEONE BUYS FOOD FOR YOU. IT’S A MAGICAL MOMENT. They are forever stuck in your will until proven otherwise. An absolute ray of sunshine that must be protected.

She does get super busy so you don’t often see each other or get to hang out as much. She’s a bit of a workaholic but a lot more easier to talk her into taking a break. She’s also a pretty decent cook but she prefers baking and jesus christ, girl can you calm down? Be still my beating heart, I’ve been smitten. Has mother hen vibes that you’re not sure if she’s your roommate or if she adopted you into her family. It’s time to start a petition for the Jean protection squad. Given the opportunity, I would aggressively hold your hand.

She’s always open to whatever you want to do. Any recommendations or things that you like she will try out at least once despite her busy schedule. She’s lowkey lonely because work consumes her so any time you want to hang out or do something together, she jumps on it like she’s feral. She get’s a bit shy to ask if she can join in on your plans because she doesn’t want to bother you or intrude no matter how many times you tell her that’s okay, she still get’s a bit iffy about it. Please save this girl before she trips. In your arms. Platonically. Just kidding haha. Unless?

“I can’t wait to see you happy and not hating everyone again haha.”

Childe

First impressions of Childe were great, until he opened his mouth and you realized how much of a two brain cell child(e) he was. He has two braincells because they constantly have to 1v1 in his brain. He’s lived with a lot of siblings so he has no social awareness or concept of privacy that you’re lucky if you come home and he’s half-dressed. It doesn’t matter if you’re 2 weeks older than him, he’s going to call you 82 years old and why your bones aren’t being fossilized at this point. He’s such a little shit, this fucker licks the yogurt lid peel.

He get’s really restless when he’s stuck under house arrest, because apparently 1v1ing in the parking lot of a Wendy’s is illegal for some reason, so he makes dying whale noises until he get’s to go outside again. But he’s actually a really wholesome guy, probably because of his younger siblings, that he’ll sometimes get you something because you seemed down and it’s such whiplash? Who is this man and where did he come from? You’re starting to have a change of heart before he tells you that he got banned from the library for accidently punching the school’s computer. How you “accidently” punch something you have no idea but Childe always comes home with some sort of injury. Maybe he’s just incredibly clumsy. For your sanity, you’re going to go with that.

He’s actually so uncultured that it’s crippling. You can’t blame him too much considering his upbringing and it’s great that he’s so interested in learning new things but...child no...It makes you want to take your spine out of your ass and rip it like a Beyblade. Watching him take chopsticks and stab his food like it’s marshmallows makes you want to fall into a blackhole and let the chair consume you.

“I, too, fantasize about beating the living shit out of people.”

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Is this another tag yourself game cause I resonate with Diluc. I’m crying in insomnia. As much as I enjoy writing these fics I absolutely hate tagging them. I remember I used to have a tag anon but that was back when I wrote for bnha.

Valentine’s Day was fun tho. I had a drinking game with friends as we played league then ended it off with a movie night.

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amateurasstrologer · 4 years

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THE PLANETS #3 MERCURY (IN THE HOUSES)

Sweet Mercury. Our baby celestial, dying to be understood. There’s more to little Mercury than meets the eye, so listen up.

If you take only one thing away from this shit, let it be this: Mercury represents an internal process - where Mercury falls points towards where you’re using your brain. Bullshit Astrology will try to convince you that Mercury shows how you communicate and how you express yourself. Yes, but also no. Don’t succumb to this basic ass understanding, people!! Mercury is deeper than this - literally. Mercury gathers up the goods and sets up shop inside your mf brain. Yes, communication and your ability to small talk stem from your thought process, but all that shit is secondary. Stick to the primary source you little history babies.

The best way to think about Mercury is to think about Venus. These two are peas in a damn pod. Why? They’re both judgemental. But. While Venus is your typical mean girl, Mercury just sticks to the fucking facts.

For example, take this given: the sky is blue. Mercury looks at the situation and says: okay, the sky is blue, the sky is not green. Venus looks at the sky and says: I love the color blue, green is fucking ugly good thing the sky isn’t green. They’re both making a judgement call, but Mercury’s call is a purely objective understanding, and Venus’s is based on a personal preference. Mercury sits in your brain and helps you differentiate between this and that; Venus sits wherever tf she sits and helps you respond emotionally to shit that you value.

Put another way: why does Mercury rule Gemini and Virgo? Judgement calls. Gemini is all about you discovering yourself. The Mercury influence there helps you differentiate between “you” and “not you” - Gemini goes out and does all these things to figure out who it even is and Mercury is behind the curtain going, “yes, you hit on something real there,” and “no, that wasn’t really you bitch, drop the act.” Same shit is happening with Virgo. Virgo is all about self-improvement - we need Mercury behind the scenes, making the “yes, this will move us forward” or “no, this will set us back” decision or else we aren’t improving shit. A Mercury judgement is objective - it takes in all the facts and makes a call. It’s not personal, it’s all business.

Mercury represents how we understand the world, mentally. Mercury is the sweet little computer in our brain that’s taking stock and running metrics and not giving a fuck because there are no feelings involved in Mercury’s process. Mercury is black and white, yes and no, this and that. No in-between. The only time Mercury goes from “right on” to “completely wrong,” is when it trades in objective analysis for personal taste. Stop. Leave the feelings to Venus. Mercury works best when it’s calm, cool and collected.

As always, particulars for the party people:

MERCURY IN THE FIRST (1) YES: these sweet freaks are unleashing the beast on their inner life - every thing that has ever happened to them getting analyzed to the point of no return; they believe they’re different than everyone else and they are gonna prove it. NO: one day decided all facts were irrelevant and took up permanent residence inside their own mind, made it their job to feel intellectually superior to everyone else.

MERCURY IN THE SECOND (2) YES: these sweet freaks are testing out every belief system and mental approach ever used to solve a problem, choosing the most effective ones, and thinking their way through every challenge they come into contact with without even breaking a sweat. NO: fucking rude, totally intolerant of everyone around them, deep-throating Traditional Thinking & Outdated Values’ dick for no reason - get over it.

MERCURY IN THE THIRD (3) YES: these sweet freaks are seeing straight though your shit, because they can find patterns in everything. When they’re not fixing every problem in their vicinity with practical solutions they’re adjusting to their environment like a damn chameleon good Lord where are they are they even still here? NO: using their mega-rationality to justify gross behavior, taking zero responsibility for their actions, denial level 10000.

MERCURY IN THE FOURTH (4) YES: these sweet freaks are getting in touch with their values, and once they do look out because they will not deviate from what they feel is Right. These deep, creative minds are hot-wired to find connections between all people, places and things. NO: too scared to figure it out, falling back on thinking that’s culturally/ socially/ religiously narrow-minded, RIP to their sense of self.

MERCURY IN THE FIFTH (5) YES: these sweet freaks are getting their fucking feelings out and everyone is loving it. Their sweet little brains are made to create and they are ready to relate, no one can express themselves like these bitches. It’s just the truth. NO: can’t just have a regular fucking experience because they’re too busy thinking about how they’re gonna sell that shit later, overly self-conscious, stop it you’re doing way too much.

MERCURY IN THE SIXTH (6) YES: these sweet freaks are a whole new kinda leader - their brains are totally focused on dealing with personal changes and social issues, crystal clear thinking let’s these babies soar through emotional shit with clarity and an organized plan. NO: True Life: Living Without A Backbone, self-sabotage level 10000, lacking the inner-strength to look at their shit objectively - get it together dammit you should be fixing the world.

MERCURY IN THE SEVENTH (7) YES: these sweet freaks just have a really strong mental approach to life, they’re lookin at all kinds of shit without getting in their feelings about it, they’re out here chatting it up, down to participate in life and always open to learning from other people’s experiences. NO: took it way too far, fucked around and isolated themselves in a sweet mind prison, one day decided different viewpoints were useless and totally lost sight of reality.

MERCURY IN THE EIGHTH (8) YES: these sweet freaks fucking love relationships (of any kind, don’t have to be human-to-human) - their brains are locked in on seeing past surface level shit and into the core of their connections, working through relationship issues is their favorite pastime. NO: one day decided you weren’t trying to cooperate with them and got fucking ruthless on your ass and/or completely lack the sense of self to apply their resolution abilities, let everything go to shit, then blamed you for it.

MERCURY IN THE NINTH (9) YES: these sweet freaks worship clear thinking and objectivity, they’re fucking ready to plan and discuss their goals, your goals - all the goals all of the plans all of the values - these bitches are going to write about them, sing about them, whatever. It’s going to be real and it’s going to be good. NO: the most closed-minded to ever live, picked the wrong hill to die on, bleeding out over some shit they don’t even understand, lost in the sauce.

MERCURY IN THE TENTH (10) YES: these sweet freaks can focus (I mean, for real, they will not be deterred) and focus they will on solving complex social problems and adjusting to meet the intellectual needs of their crew. These babies are quick as a whip and got serious intellectual versatility. NO: second-guessing every decision they’ve ever made, zero accountability for their social position, completely emotionally repressed mess.

MERCURY IN THE ELEVENTH (11) YES: these sweet freaks got intellect and they are not afraid to use it (to work through all kinds of cultural issues), on the look out for other smarties to check out all those beautiful, imaginary-but-hopefully-not-for-long horizons and ponder progressive ideals with. NO: never focused a day in their life, acting clever laughing everything off but actually dying inside and refusing to do anything about it.

MERCURY IN THE TWELFTH (12) YES: these sweet freaks are flipping the script and revamping every outdated collective ideal that crosses their mind - a healthy level of seclusion let’s these babies speculate way out into the future, so that they can formulate fresh social attitudes and actions. NO: Academy Award for Victim of Their Own Self-Created Loneliness, "what’s the use” oh my God shut up already and just try to change. Just try it.

Happy Charting, bitches. Unleash your brains.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

#mercury #mercury in the houses #astrology #mercury astrology #the fast and emotionless

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weirdpine · 3 years

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line by line analysis of Half-Elves in Dungeons and Dragons 5e by a mixed person

Preemptive: Do not respond to this about how you, individually, don’t use this at your table or how you homebrew this. I’m interested in discussing the text; not how you transform it.

Flint squinted into the setting sun. He thought he saw the figure of a man striding up the path. [...]

This intro describes a half-elf from an outsider’s perspective, and mostly focuses on what he looks like.

...an elvish grace [...] yet the man’s body had the thickness and tight muscles of a human.

It’s reiterated over and over how this stranger has qualities that are exclusively inherent to either elves or humans. No muscular elves, no graceful humans.

Walking in two worlds but truly belonging to neither,

I hate how mixed people don’t get to belong in this narrative. Yeah, it feels alienating to have things that set you apart from both your parents’ cultures, but society has methods of isolating every individual. I believe that I belong in both places my parents are from in some manner, no matter whether or not it feels like those places want me.

half-elves combine what some say are the best qualities of their elf and human parents: human curiosity, inventiveness, and ambition tempered by the refined senses, love of nature, and artistic tastes of the elves.

Literally none of this is inherent. While it is accurate in terms of “real people talk about mixed kids like this,” but I would love not to be reminded of the guy who hated immigrants that I met at a youth hostel once, who pretty much said this stuff to me about my heritage.

Some half-elves live among humans, set apart by their emotional and physical differences, watching friends and loved ones age while time barely touches them. Others live with the elves, growing restless as they reach adulthood in the timeless elven realms, while their peers continue to live as children.

Finally at the magical differences here that is actually more interesting to me, since, yeah, this stuff would be alienating to have to deal with. And yeah, if you grow up in an area that’s overwhelmingly one thing, it’s easy to feel like you’re the Only One of your kind and feel alone.

Many half-elves, unable to fit into either society, choose lives of solitary wandering or join with other misfits and outcasts in the adventuring life.

Ah, but we’re back at the “half-elves” don’t get to belong. See, society is constructed in a way where almost everyone can talk about how they’ve felt alienated. I was the only [ethnicity] among the 1800 other kids at school, repressed gay, and a massive nerd and I still made friends and generally felt like I belonged. Yeah, I wasn’t popular. No, I wasn’t bullied.

Of Two Worlds To humans, half-elves look like elves, and to elves, they look human.

This is kind of my experience in the way where “you’re defined by the ways you differ from the society around you.” But also frustrating in the ways they are emphasizing,”You will always be seen as an outsider.” And not accounting for the vast range in experiences, such as the circumstances where I’m seen as not.

In height, they’re on par with both parents, though they’re neither as slender as elves nor as broad as humans. They range from under 5 feet to about 6 feet tall, and from 100 to 180 pounds, with men only slightly taller and heavier than women. Half-elf men do have facial hair, and sometimes grow beards to mask their elven ancestry. Half-elven coloration and features lie somewhere between their human and elf parents, and thus show a variety even more pronounced than that found among either race. They tend to have the eyes of their elven parents.

This stuff is pretty boring, other than establishing that phenotypes mix. But it is something that they’re writing in the possibility of having fun elven eyes. (Looks like this is for the Darkvision trait, which is, fine.)

Diplomats or Wanderers Half-elves have no lands of their own

Now this is some bullshit. The concept that, if you’re not 100% one race, you don’t get to belong, that you lose claim to the land if you’re mixed. This is such a garbage concept that seems to imply that if your ancestors are from different places you don’t have a motherland. Which, somehow again, is a sentiment expressed to me by a different guy at a different youth hostel. But this time, this text isn’t framed as a “some say” but as a truth of the world.

Like, in reality, being mixed means there’s so many places I could call home, so many places where my family lives. My cousin straight up has dual citizenship.

though they are welcome in human cities and somewhat less welcome in elven forests.

Ah, xenophobic elves. I don’t like the way that elves are positioned as foreigners and then acting like humans are so much more accepting and progressive. Like, even the terminology of “half-elf” places humans as the default other half. But also this reads a little like, “Oh, don’t leave this human city, you don’t know how good you have it here, nowhere else will accept you like we do.”

In large cities in regions where elves and humans interact often, half-elves are sometimes numerous enough to form small communities of their own. They enjoy the company of other half-elves, the only people who truly understand what it is to live between these two worlds.

This one’s weird. Like yeah, people with similar experiences tend to group, but, the idea of only grouping with other people who are mixed in the exact same way? Why? They would absolutely have a lot in common with half-orcs, and with human communities in elven cities/elf communities in human cities, and like, with every other person who’s been asked, “Where are you from? Oh. Where are your parents from?”

So, absolutely no mention of communities of immigrants in cities.

In most parts of the world, though, half-elves are uncommon enough that one might live for years without meeting another.

To Be Fair, I’ve not actually met someone who is mixed in precisely the way I am, before. It is harder for me, though, because neither parent is native to the country they’re from.

Some half-elves prefer to avoid company altogether, wandering the wilds as trappers, foresters, hunters, or adventurers and visiting civilization only rarely.

Setting up that half-elf ranger build. But this also is really sad.

Others, in contrast, throw themselves into the thick of society, putting their charisma and social skills to great use in diplomatic roles or as swindlers.

“Social roles” Okay, yeah. “swindlers.” That’s a turn. Setting up for the Rogue build but like, sucks that we’re right back to “half-elves can’t be trusted.”

Half-Elf Names Half-elves use either human or elven naming conventions. As if to emphasize that they don’t really fit in to either society, half-elves raised among humans are often given elven names, and those raised among elves often take human names.

This one baffles me. I know so many people, myself included, who have multiple names that they use in different contexts. Why wouldn’t their parents give them a name that would protect them, or, having a practice where half-elves have both a human and an elven name? Like, sure, this is a scenario that exists but it’s hard to believe that it’s the most common one.

Excellent Ambassadors Many half-elves learn at an early age to get along with everyone, defusing hostility and finding common ground.

Oof. This sounds awful. Trying to appease everyone around you sounds like a protective mechanism.

As a race, they have elven grace without elven aloofness and human energy without human boorishness.

Back to the stereotypes. Why are half-elves treated as a separate race here?

They often make excellent ambassadors and go-betweens (except between elves and humans, since each side suspects the half-elf of favoring the other).

Love to immediately undercut the “excellent ambassadors” bit with “but treated as untrustworthy by their people.”

Half-Elf Traits

Frankly, there’s not much in this section that I can say that I haven’t already said in this post, so I’m not gonna go through this part.

In Summary:

keeps emphasizing how half-elves don’t belong anywhere

half-elves are often seen as untrustworthy (+ “swindlers”)

got reminded of two different racist people i’ve met

#Dungeons and Dragons #i don't have a d&d blog so sorry y'all #racism /

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #466

“she is the butcher, she wants the air / she hides the scars under her hair”

Who do you think cares the most about you? My mom. What do you do when you’re pissed off? Isolate and cry. Have you ever had unprotected sex? Good luck catchin' me do that. What did your mother study at university? Social work. What was the last thing you took a video of? I have zero idea. What is your least favorite kind of weather? Hot and humid weather can actually fuck off. What was the last housework you did? Does changing my cat's litter count? Have you ever had famous neighbors? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever lived in a small community where everyone knew each other? Nope. Have you ever actually drank warm milk? NO EW EW EW EW EW Do you talk to your pets? If you don't, are you REALLY a pet parent??????? Who is a famous person you could see yourself reading a biography about? He's always said he doesn't want to but I really hope Mark writes an autobiography one day alskdjklafjw;ejr Are there any numbers you dislike for any reason? No. What skill that you have do you make most use of? idk man Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Nah. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? No. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? Sometimes/some places yes, other times/places, no. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? It would probably change with what I'm feeling, but I lean towards a nice center piece brownie. :^) If you’re out late, where are you likely to be? This literally never happens. Do you ever visit your mall’s arcade (if it has one)? Our mall is lame as fuck. It definitely doesn't have one. What’s your absolute favorite topic to discuss? Mark, lmao. What is your least favorite topic to discuss? Politics. Have you ever been confined to a wheelchair? "Confined" seems like a strong word, but a nurse did give me one at the doctor's office when I massively tore a ligament in my foot and could barely walk at all. If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work? Don't remind me that I don't have a job. Have you told anyone you love them today? Not yet, but I'm sure I will later. Have you ever worked in an office? No, but I guess that's what I'm going to wind up going for once I'm ready to job-hunt again... It feels sad that I'm actually aiming for the cubicle life now just because my interaction with people would be much more limited than with most other jobs. Who does the grocery shopping in your house? My mom. Do you prefer margarine or butter, and why? I don't even know if I'd recognize the taste difference. Have you ever been in serious trouble at work or school? No. Do you have any strange fears or phobias that you’re embarrassed of? That I'm embarrassed of, no. Can you smell anything right now? No. Have you ever tried coconut water? No. Which Asian country would you like to visit the most? Idk. Maybe Japan? How old were your parents when they got engaged? I have no idea. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. If so, would you be prepared to perform CPR if necessary? No. Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room? No. Just the idea grosses me out. Where is your next vacation? Couldn't tell ya, buddy. Which are better black or green olives? I'm not a fan of black olives, and I won't even TRY green ones. They just look so fucking disgusting to me. Does your car have a backup camera? Mom's doesn't. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? No. Do you have a preferred brand of bottled water? Essentia. Is your skin more oily, dry, or combination? It's a combination depending on the location. Where did you meet your current significant other? High school band. What kind of house do you wish you lived in? One that's in the woods. What was the last compliment you received from an old lady? I don't have a clue. Do you know how to cut hair? Properly, no. Have you ever had a classmate die? I believe maybe once? If you have a song stuck in your head, what is it? I recently discovered "Foxy, Foxy" by Rob Zombie and it's Good Stuff. Do you tend to space out a lot? Very much so. What people have changed your life for the better? My parents, my psychiatrist, a PHP therapist, Sara, debatably Jason... Have you ever had any kind of dangerous addiction? What’s this addiction? Caffeine, I guess. Are your parents still married, divorced, or split up? Like this decision? They're divorced, and while it sucks for your parents to split up, it's a decision that I definitely approve of given all they ever did was fight when I was growing up. Them staying together would've been very destructive. Have you ever heard of Hollywood Undead? Do you like them? Well yeah, and I like a large number of songs to where I'd consider myself a fan. I actually had a shirt in high school. Has anyone ever called you a coward before? Who called you that? I don't believe so. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? Honestly, yes. Like he's done dumb shit, but has more than sufficiently apologized for it in my opinion and changed his behavior for the better. I also - astonishingly - like his music quite a bit. As well, his work ethic is fucking INCREDIBLE, like extremely admirable. Has your grandmother ever made you anything? Not including cookies. I don't think so. I don't even think she ever liked me. Do you disgust anyone? Did they tell you that? Why is this, anyways? Not that I know of. When was the last time you cried, and why (if you want to share)? I don't remember, actually. Probably just about life. Who was the last person who was rude to you? *shrug* Do you have a relationship with God? lol no, and even if I believed in him, I wouldn't have a remotely decent opinion of that entity. Is weed legal in your state? No. Have you ever thrown up in class? In kindergarten, yes. What is something that you used to be ashamed of, but now you’re not? As a kid, being a girl, I was so embarrassed by liking Pokemon. Now, I am literally wearing an Eeveelutions shirt and went out in public lmao. I couldn't care less about loving them cuties. Have you ever walked outside in below zero weather? No; I've never experienced those temperatures. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes, but I was sitting down. I would be WAY too scared of dropping a baby otherwise. Are a ton of your Facebook friends getting married and having kids now? I legitimately think most of my friends on there already have kids and/or are married/engaged. It's triggering sometimes and was a massive motivator for me taking a break from there. What’s something you believe in that most people don’t? So uh, I hope this doesn't sound insensitive given how it just passed, but I 100% believe the U.S. government was to some extent involved in 9/11. There is an incredible amount of evidence when you do the research. Is there anyone who’s dear in your heart who’s going down the wrong path? I worry about one of my good friends quite a bit. She is horribly addicted to pot (like, she admits it) in a state where it's not legal, and I'm concerned she'll face legal repercussions eventually. She also dates an absolute lowlife asshole, but they've been together for a very long time, and I just worry about how that might damage her later down the road. Do you get enough sleep? God, it never feels like it. What’s something you wish you would have known sooner? That college wouldn't work for me. Like, I dropped out of three. I do NOT want to know the debt I'm in. What’s the next big project you plan to start? Idk. Possibly something for Girt's birthday because Mom really pissed me off and doesn't want to spend *any*thing to help me get something for him. Is that bad on my end? Like she pointed out he knows I don't work, but like... come on. He's my bf, one of my greatest friends ever, and you can't spare anything? I really don't know if that's selfish or not; it's just that if I get him nothing, I will feel like ACTUAL garbage. So making something may just be my only option. I just dunno what... Do you think you were cute in your baby pictures? omg yes, idk what happened Do you remember pre-school? A lot of it, yes. My long-term memory is pretty damn amazing. Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? Yes. Does your town have a farmer’s market? I think so? Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? Pokemon GO, lol. How old were you when you met your current best friend? Around 11. What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts? Photography is coming real fuckin close. I've been trying to go somewhere with that for YEARS. Would you rather read a book, or listen to the audiobook? Physically read. I think my attention would stray listening to an audiobook. Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? It's possible, idk. I had a doctor's appointment today that absolutely slaughtered my mood, so I feel fucking horrific, but Girt is also coming over today, and I'm sure he'll cheer me up. I won't see him tomorrow, so that's a bummer. With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? Sara. What is the last thing you complained about? It's hot as shit outside. Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? 13 Reasons Why. What was the last topic that you ranted about? Anti-vax bullshit. Who is the most sensitive person that you know? Bitch, me. Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? No. What did you do last Halloween? Literally nothing on the actual holiday. :/ Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real… just once? ... To get out of school, yes. :x What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? I am still positively livid about Texas' "heartbeat bill." Fuck that place and fuck that law. What is one insecurity you have about your body? Um, everything???? What is one part of your body that you are proud of? Nothing????

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''foxy foxy'' by rob zombie

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walaw717 · 3 years

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Since I have backed away from spending much time using social media, I have been able to reflect on the last few years, especially the last year and ask myself a simple question – where did I go off the tracks?

I realize that even knowing better, in the last year especially, I allowed fear to turn into anger and in the process become entangled in thoughts words and actions which were harsh to others and supportive of positions I do not fully hold.

In this last month of returning to journaling and stepping away from the one line meme bumper sticker world of social media I realized that once again I had substituted many things into my life to replace a relationship with God I have nurtured since childhood. It embarrasses me to say this and it embarrasses me to admit that I find my need for that relationship so powerful in my life. I find I am embarrassed because a well educated and intellectual person is supposed to be beyond such “nonsense”. Also, I find myself often embarrassed by how often people publicly do so many cruel and horrible things with the word god on their lips, especially the televangelists and just as often the mainstream religious leaders who have often been an embarrassment, frustration and disappointment for me. It seems to me at times that to speak of God and one’s relationship and need of God is almost itself sacrilegious - but I know that feeling for me is so strong because throughout history God has been used as a cudgel for fear, punishment and obedience more than a center of real relationships. Or we often find that the love coming from the lips of the speakers about God is hollow and meaningless.

However, in my work as a therapist and counselor over thirty years I know that the best work that has occurred in my office is when God has been in the room – verbally acknowledge or not. God is in action in this world – the living force of all relationship and that relationship is not simply restricted to man. Last year I witnessed the ancient willow in my yard lift a frond and embrace a planter of new flowers we had just placed on the balcony rail.

So, what happened for me? To me? How did I get so far removed from that which has been my center and sustained me?

A man, a minister, a priest whom I thought was my friend ignored my grief and pain when I lost my mother. I should not have been surprised, I had seen him do this before, rushing away from a funeral service and leaving the widow to mourn alone because he had a new baby that was more important for him to see than to see the need of comfort she required. And in that same year I spoke to a Bishop at the end of my year of discernment to become a priest and in our conversation he did not acknowledge me as a person in conversation but focused on administrative things. Although neither should have shaken my faith in God, it shook my faith in the church and I mistakenly thought the church was God. From that point I slid into a slow burn in life because I disconnected from the very thing that had sustained me through a difficult childhood and then through most of my adult life. I think this is a common mistake – to conflate god with the church and the people of the church. And then expect them to be perfect for us in representing God.

It is occurring to me however that no person can ever be that perfection and that is why the essence of God in the world is grace – the ability to understand the violence, the suffering and pain that life manifests and forgive it all. Why the world, why the universe is made this way is beyond my understanding, but it is, and we need the grace of forgiveness of others and ourselves to survive. How do we become vessels for such grace? And more importantly we need to ask how we isolate ourselves from such grace.

A few days ago, I spoke to a small group of nursing students about the role of Behavioral Health where I work. They introduced themselves by name and pronoun and I was struck by how young they were and how sad that the best they could offer as a personal introduction was their name and preferred pronouns. If I had had time, I would have redone introductions and had them tell me something more personal about who they were. I spoke about the need of presence and kindness in the work of a nurse and/or counselor at the bed side. The people need that presence. At the end one very androgynous young women asked me about the issue of how to deal with the inequity and lack of “social” justice in the world. I think that is the question in some way we all deal with in our lives.

My answer to her was to be present with individuals, to be kind and to be aware of the person in front of us. In my better moments that is how I have helped people. No such thing exists in the social media driven by the speeches of politicians, the memes of hate and dis-ease or the private manufactured lives of celebrities. It surely does not act in the crowd shouting for change. Social justice is individual justice. I wish that act of presence and awareness had been present in the priest I knew and the Bishop I spoke to – but they too are human and just like you and I are inclined to get lost in self directed moments. We all do.

It is in our relationship with God that we are at our best. When we are present with “him” that we are most present with others. When we are present with “him” we lose our concerns and fears and can be there in the moments when life around us is suffering because when “he” is present we have a strength and peace that is beyond words. We can hope that others can offer that to us in our moments of pain and need and that they too have the experience of that presence. God is always there but it is in our relationship with another “His” power is most noticeable. In those moments too we learn that love is not some sexually driven frenzy of our DNA but it is simply being and is just there in that intimate moment.

Our relationship with the presence of God is vital. And it is when we are in that relationship, we create the church, the community of God and can then be life-giving and life-affirming.

And We can know that in our not being God and having moments of weakness that God will be there through another – because we will have moments of being distracted and be selfish and inward.

Our relationship with God is what gives us purpose and the center of our being.

When we let our relationship with God slide, an emptiness sets in. I have seen that in my own life in the last few years. Sometimes we try to fill that hole with various things, politics, social media, a multitude of things but those things don’t quite fit. None of those things makes us whole. What makes us whole is our presence in the moment of another’s greatest need.

Real love wants us to experience that life-giving relationship. Real love is willing to share the experience of the presence God within us with others. In that sharing is our act of presence and kindness.

Here's where our hope is: when we are in right relationship with God, we can be in a right relationship with each other, and those relationships help build each other, not tear each other down. If often feels like our society has lost sight of this – especially the intellectually driven and self-conscious academic life that has come to dominate us though our universities and our obsession with self-esteem. We have lost the knowledge that esteem is how we are held by others by our presence and actions. And of course, where there is too much self – there is too little room for the presence of others and God.

There are many things that can try and keep us from having that closeness with God. Sometimes those things come from our family members, especially those who do not want us to make room in our hearts for anyone else. Mostly though the thing that most keep us from that relationship with God and keeps us from that relationship each other is distraction with how we feel. That was my priest friend’s failure toward me and in turn my failure toward him.

For me over the last few years social media has been a distraction, I find all too often the people I meet there have more of a relationship of talking at each other and not really sharing with each other. The one’s I have really connected with share themselves, which is quite risky in the public forums of social media. Being an administrator has also been a distraction – I miss sitting and being present with others – not to solve their problems but to be there and maybe offer some direction and comfort if I am able.

And my hurt over the loss of my mother, my very deep hurt that a friend forgot my suffering became the greatest distraction to me. I simply decided that all the talk was “bullshit” and no one really meant it. It was after that my private practice began also to deteriorate as I focused on things other than the presence of those coming to meet with me.

I became the very thing that had hurt me.I no longer blame my priest, but I do allow that to be a reminder of the importance of being present in each moment with people and to make sure to not allow my fear and anger pain to turn to anger. This is something I have always known but in the knowing I forgot to live and that forgetting was directly tied to dismissing God from my life.

Now I am doing the hardest thing any human can do for another person- find and offer forgiveness for him being as human as I .

And all of this has come to me because I divorced myself from social media for twenty-eight days.

I just realized that without awareness I gave up social media for lent and in going to the desert of my own soul I found a relationship with God again.

This is a further offering of peace to all of you I have been unkind too over the last few years, especially over the last year regarding politics.

If there is a hell, and I believe there is and there are many gates to hell, the distraction and cruelty of social media is the one most crowded now.

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kinkymagnus · 4 years

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Do you have nsfw headcanons or just in general about the other Magnus? The one in the other dimension?

you are an ANGEL i was legit about to make a post like “oh... im in the mood for twi magnus porn....If Only I’d Get An Ask About It” *sighs dramatically*

i dont have any specific ideas in mind right now but i just really love twi magnus? and he deserves to be RAVISHED?

so im just gonna Ramble.

like ok first of all i like to think that twi magnus is,, hm, kind of sensitive

both bc a) canon magnus is touch starved but twi magnus was like “haha you are like a little baby” and isolated himself almost completely for like a century without even hookups and shit, so like. someone PLEASE give my boy some affection. (i am using boy jokingly do not come AT me) and b) ok this is bullshit im making up but i do not care. magnus’s magic has just woken up and didn’t he like canonically say it was part of how he felt/experienced the world? even if he didn’t it’s canon now, fuck you, and like..... it’s waking up again and he feels like he’s opened his eyes for the first time in years, or taken a breath of fresh air--

oh my god i just had. the thoughts. on like, adhd twi magnus and sensory overload. like hnngngnffffhghhhhh fuck fuck he has moments where it’s all too much and he’s feeling different things and his magic is both soothing/helpful while also making it worse kind of, and like, he can hide under a bunch of blankets or take a long shower and like i feel like there’s more here but its just not coming right now.... although i do want alec to help him thru this bc living vicariously through fictional characters but it’s fine

anyway ayfkjs back to what i was saying

twi magnus is pretty sensitive and it’s not like he’s actually inexperienced or really even that shy--he’s quieter, and i feel more flustered and out of practice than canon magnus for sure, but it’s not like he’s blushing deeply at the mention of sex or anything. i love the imagery of twi alec, confident dom, being worried on how he’ll gently ease his sweet soft boyfriend who dresses in modest cardigans and the like into bdsm, if he’ll even like it (oh boy would he look so beautiful in handcuffs, or just tied up and begging and helpless, but obviously alec only wants to do that if magnus would enjoy it)... and then he tries to bring it up and twi magnus, who’s distracted, casually mentions his Sex Cabinet(TM) full of toys and bdsm gear

bc he’s not a prude, he was just like.... isolated. and alone. and kind of frightened. but it’s not like he doesn’t know what sex and kink is, or that he doesn’t enjoy it.

and maybe he blushes a little when he realizes what he’s juts casually revealed--namely, that he loves to be tied up and spanked and called a slut or whatever (magnus just casually talking without like really thinking about what he’s saying if he’s hyperfocused on doing something else, like brewing a potion or painting a tarot card or whatever, and alec loves to ask him harmless little questions and just listen to him ramble on--adhd magnus!)--but alec is just like not only are you precious and cute, you’re also sexy as hell and the hottest man alive

but really tho alec’s just like :O because magnus’s collection is even more extensive than his, DAMN. not what he expected. but you know under all those cute thick layers twi magnus is still, and i say this with deep love and affection, a total cumslut :)

also he’s just a deeply beautiful and wonderful person but you know we’re talking about SLUTTIN’ IT UP IN HERE

so like anyway magnus. sensitive. stay on topic this time. alec loves touching him all over and pulling noises out of him, kissing him and teasing him and just generally like... one, taking full advantage of him being sensitive (again this is more jokey and i don’t think alec would necessarily stereotype him like this, but i have this image of twi alec thinking he’s a virgin because he’s so sweet and modest and like, so sensitive, just a few dirty words get him so wet, and alec can get him to cum so fast, so like, their first time with penetrative sex alec is out here giving him the most sweet and romantic first time he can, and like, he would have done that anyway but it does feel weirdly special taking his virginity, even though twi alec, woke bitch, is fully aware virginity is a social construct. and then magnus, in a fucked-out post “just got dicked down so good” haze, says that was the best and biggest dick i’ve ever taken and alec’s like,,,,,,,, ah!) so like

touching him, kissing him, making him cum over and over and over again, and like with magnus’s persmission of course he just loves to fuck magnus senseless and make him orgasm over and over until he’s just a wrecked little mess and he’s all fucked out and whining and incoherent :’)

two, like..... ok idk why but i love the idea that twi magnus at first just... cums kind of fast. like their first time alec slides in (and this is after he’s already eaten magnus out and teased his clit a bunch) and magnus is already coming just from that. and he thinks its embarassing lowkey but alec’s just like 1. you’re cute 2. that was super hot

like literally alec buried himself inside magnus and he immediately came and looked so gorgeous doing it? alec is DOWN FOR THIS.

over time he builds up a stamina again and honestly it doesn’t take that long but like. just those first few times it’s way too soon and magnus is like hiding his face in alec’s shoulder and alec’s telling him how beautiful he is :’)

also ok canon magnus is a screamer and he’s def like... kind of been taught to hold that back, but generally, he’s still pretty loud in bed and with alec it’s not long before he’s confident enough to let himself be

twi magnus tho... he’s firmly like. idk if repressed is the right word, but he’s not letting himself express himself and he certainly isn’t letting himself make pathetic little noises when alec fucks him so like. he’s always biting back loud moans and stopping himself from screaming

but alec starts getting so good at pushing all his buttons (and that first time he came with alec’s dick inside him he couldn’t help the obscene moan he made and alec loved it so much it was so hot) and like, making him lose control that he starts fucking little noises out of magnus more and more until eventually magnus is barely able to stop the whimpers and whiny breathless moans spilling from his lips as alec fucks him and like

after much coaxing, alec taking full advantage of how sensitive he is, and a few small emotional talks, like... they do eventually get to the stage where twi magnus’s inner screamer is free to scream and beg all he wants :’)

but it still comes after a lot of teasing usually and (with magnus’s consent ofc) alec just.. ADORES coming up with scenarios where he gets to like, (usually after tying magnus up) drive magnus crazy with teasing and then basically fuck him so good he “”breaks”” and ends up being a loud little slut the way they both like it, even if magnus feels like he has to be “pushed” or “made” to do it in order to let himself. obviously he consented to being “”made”” to do it and all that, but like a) he just really, really enjoys alec’s methods of “breaking” him (im a slut for alec consensually!!! “breaking” him into being a little slut ive talked about this with friends many times) and b) it just feels... more ok that way, with weird brain logic that makes him more comfortable and less self conscious with being loud and embarrassing like that

also lmao “man i feel embarrassed when im loud in bed because of my insecurities and shitty past relationships. i know! i’ll make it part of my humiliation kink”

i feel like twi magnus has less of exhibitionist/humiliation kink than canon magnus, although he def likes it, especially the humiliation/praise aspect (i feel like those two absolutely have to be intertwined for him to enjoy it tho), which like with. canon magnus it’s like aw, big powerful prince of hell crying and begging like a slut, while with twi magnus he is powerful but it’s less controlled so it’s more about how he’s so put-together and modest and “shy” and quiet but here he is taken apart completely, stripped bare and taking cock so beautifully

but like twi magnus............let him be wooed..........he deserves it... i feel like he’d just be even more into being wooed and just little domestic affectionate things than canon magnus (again both him and canon magnus are the same person in different circumstances and i feel like generally they like the same things, just at different levels, canon magnus also enjoys domestic romance and wooing) but like twi magnus while i think he def would like humiliation kink (albeit mostly in private--maybe once they’ve been married a few centuries he’d be ready for something more hardcore but i feel like he generally would be more private about this, and eventually he might feel safe enough to do that again but like....mmm you know? idk.) i think he would be more into praise kink, and like, while canon magnus is more “mm humiliation kink with a side of praise :)” and loves the praise but also loves alec wrecking him and calling him a filthy little slut and leading him around on a leash, twi magnus is more “mm praise kink with a side of humiliation :)” and he likes alec calling him a slut still but he likes even more when alec strokes his hair and tells him he’s pretty and he’s being so good, and like, he likes being called beautiful and being kissed all over and yes, he definitely like being called a beautiful messy little slut, and being teased, but generally he prefers gentle and soft. that’s not to say he doesn’t want to be manhandled and fucked sometimes, but you know how it is

hey tho one thing canon and twi magnus completely agree on? Being A Cumslut. as they deserve

they love their creampies what can i say (just little! pastries! that alec makes specifically for him!)

but like really tho they both love it

god tho just the imagery tho like.... twi magnus with his cute lil short hair and like his more just overall soft look? and like twi alec, all confident with styled hair and a suit? let them dance! let alec sweep him off his feet and then carry him to bed and they’re laughing and they fall back on the bed and alec’s on top of him, kissing him, and they’re smiling and magnus just feels so happy and loved and alec is just touching him all over and kissing him eagerly, feeling so lucky he gets to have this beautiful man in his arms, under him, in his bed, and like, alec ravishing him, taking off all those layers and finding silk panties and magnus is a little blushy but also like... daring alec to take them off with his teeth you know like ;)

like sure he’s blushing a little (just a little! and like god again the imagery of twi magnus in pretty lingerie just a little flushed but still very eager? aaaAAAAA) but also he very much did this on purpose (not that he could have tripped into them and then gone about not realizing but you know what i mean) with every intent of having alec fuck him in them (or having alec take them off immediately, either way)

also tipsy twi magnus being a giggly affectionate bitch who like has zero restraint and will koala alec without shame. he’s so fucking cuddly. and twi alec, “manwhore” extraordinaire, supposedly the heartbreaker playboy type but secretly a romantic at heart, is just giving him the hugest heart eyes and wrapping his arms around him and cuddling him back (also drunk twi alec just being like canon alec’s wedding vows constantly like just. long eloquent rambles on how perfect magnus is. like, drunk twi alec is just facedown on someone’s couch at a party, monologuing about how beautiful magnus is, while tipsy twi magnus is just snuggled into his side, pressed as close as possible and for once unashamed and not shy at all about this,)

god actually tipsy twi malec--twipsy? lmao--having just super giggly affectionate loving gentle sex tbh, magnus is wearing panties and alec tries to take them off sexily but fails completely and they’re both just laughing and loving the moment and enjoying each other??

also again drunk twi magnus being incredibly cuddly and shameless and loud is amazing to me. he will happily give alec a lap dance, but he’ll also happily just koala him and demand alec be his big spoon. alec is thrilled to see him openly asking for what he wants and initiating cuddles bc he knows magnus adores cuddles and affection but feels like he can’t ask for it, so even if it’s temporary and bc of alcohol he still loves seeing magnus so open about it and like, feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with him on this

also tipsy twi magnus using magic willy nilly and he has a hard enough time controlling his magic normally this is so much worse but luckily he only gets drunk with alec after alec knows so alec is just watching in awe as magnus hums and happily dances around the loft and flowers grow impossibly at his feet

and like also just generally he has trouble controlling his magic like things floating around him absentmindedly, or things changing color, or blue sparks on his hands without him realizing... and like im like picturing alec accidentally startles him and he makes the most adorable little squeak alec’s ever heard and then alec’s knocked back a little so he basically just falls over and not even that hard but magnus is like ohmyGODOHMYGODIMSOSORRY and he freaks out a bit and alec’s like it’s ok sweetheart im fine, i’m not even bruised, and also, even if i was: absolutely worth it for that cute little squeak

AND THE TIPSY SEX THING LIKE ALEC’S KISSING UP HIS NECK AND MAGNUS IS GIGGLING AND FEELING SO HAPPY AND THEIR CLOTHES ABRUPTLY VANISH AND ALEC’S LIKE...........CONVENIENT! AND DOESN’T FREAK OUT AT ALL like magnus has a brief moment of cold almost sober like oh shit what if ive pushed too far and then alecs like god babe youre so talented

and !!! HIS CAT EYES god twi alec had not expected magnus secretly being an immortal warlock would come with sexy cat eyes (of course his brown eyes were also so warm and beautiful and alec loved them) but like he was thrilled they did and distantly he was like should i be more freaked about this? maybe. but honestly he looks so beautiful and he looked way more frightened than he should ever look that i wouldn’t like them, or worse, and that’s crazy bc they’re beautiful and he’s beautiful and i love them

and also he wants to see them full of pleasured tears LOOK I M A S LU T OK

but like ok one last go i just..... twi magnus and bondage, as he deserves,

he like, has been strictly controlling himself and isolating himself and protecting himself so long it’s hard to let go so he honestly really loves it when alec ties him up and fucks him into incoherence, makes him lose control, and like. he gets to be helpless and just let go and feel the pleasure, and alec “”makes”” him scream and beg and take it so prettily, coaxes the sluttiest of noises out of him, and like just

twi magnus looks particularly pretty all tied up and naked bc he’s normally so modest and covered up, so he looks even more gorgeous and slutty legs spread and all tied up, wet and flushed and begging for alec, and alec likes to kiss his little tits and grab his thighs and eat him out until he’s sobbing with pleasure, tease his clit and make him squirt until he’s just achingly wet and sobbing and begging for more, and alec takes pity on him and fucks him nice and hard, fills him up, and just like

again gets him out of his shell, gets him to be loud and shameless and pretty and “broken” and afterwards he’s all fucked out, alec’s taken good care of him and he’s all relaxed and he feels so safe??? and like it feels so good to be vulnerable with alec??? he’s all warm and snuggled into alec’s side and he just. has come a long way.

#trans magnus smut #twi

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justdyingslowly · 4 years

Text

1. Name justdyingslowly obviously come on

2. Nationality Australian

3. Age 22

4. Birthday nnnah dont feel like it

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) Libra/Scorpio cusp

6. Gender wamon

7. Sexuality very very hetero

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) androgenous

9. What do you/did you study? Psychology (focus on sexology) and art.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I am disabled you think I can work ha sexologist would be awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to be a fireman but Australias always burning

11. Your birth order head first

12. How many siblings do you have? 1

13. Do you have good relations with your family? yeah dads finally out of his abusive relationship, nearing age 70 and his emotions and his sexuality are finally opening up for the first time and that makes me SO happy.

14. How many friends do you have? what kind of fucked up question is this.

15. Your relationship status relationshipped. Fiance? got the marriage papers in a drawer somewhere with the car rego but can’t be fucked filling them?

16. What do you look for in a SO? empathetic, mature, calm. Always open to discussion. Prefers to be blunt rather than secretive. Emotional age over 14 (incredibly fucking rare apparently). Puts an importance on context and understanding other views above all else.

17. Do you have a crush? Hellll yeah Crush on my partner and got a crush on a mutual friend of ours who don’t even know hes cute af hehe one day partners gonna accidentally spill the beans and embarrass me coz hes shit with secrets RIP me.

18. When did you have your first kiss? You think I can remember this bullshit? Its not that big a deal

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? One night stand sex almost exclusively sucks. Just. SUCKS. Because neither of you know what the other likes and it ends up being an awkward mix of trying to please yourself while trying to also be considerate.

20. What are your deal breakers? Plugging your ears to anything that feels gross, uncomfortable or disagrees with you. How can you grow as a person without introspection? How can you mold what you think and believe without taking in other arguments and comparing them to your beliefs to see how they stack up? Its pathetic.

21. How was your day? cute mutual friend had a fall this morning and were both worried about him. His back is bad and he’s getting a little older, he can’t be getting dizzy and having falls like that. other than that im anxious about seeing my gastro. He’s lovely but... specialists are specialists. Good at knowing what they know but not always great at listening.

22. Favourite food & drink you think im allowed to eat or drink? water and... foods a touchy subject.

23. What position do you sleep in? Usually on my side with a body pillow to grip so I don’t end up choking my partner in his sleep.

24. What was your last dream about? uuhhh...going to italy and being unable to get into this tiny basket boat properly.

25. Your fears does PTSD to medical shit count haha

26. Your dreams ... going to italy and being unable to get into a tiny basket boat thingy?

27. Your goals - get some sort of diagnosis eventually. Its been 3 years of trying and im tired. - get back to studying art part time for my bachelors. - pass JLPT N3. - go back to university for psychology. - do the dishes when I get home.

28. Any pets? two budgies. we also take care of any orphaned or injured birds.

29. What are your hobbies? feeling nauseous drawing writing a little bit im making a little gameboy game in C atm too

30. Any cool places in your area? i live next to a national park with waterfalls and koalas and emus and stuff

31. What was your last awkward situation? mutual friend made a comment on his chest i playfully smacked it (related to the comment) it was surprisingly hard “O-oh wow, thats... I didnt expect that” my partner laughed at me. it was awful.

32. What is your last regret? getting embarrassed at friends pecs stop making me think about it 33. Language/s you can speak english. N4 Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) of course not what the fuck

35. Have any quirks? Quirkless. I do wiggle when im happy though apparently.

36. Your pet peeves open doors.

37. Ideal vacation spend a months chilling in an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

38. Any scars? internal? yes

39. What does your last text message say? peepee poopoo ustinky

40. Last 5 things from your search history how do i find this

41. What’s your [device] background? Sam Porter Bridges walkin around Sam Porter Bridges cuddling BB-28 Louise while he sleeps my chicken

42. What do you daydream about? all might

43. Describe your dream home an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion its a comforting thought having a parent-figure who cares about you and looks after all the big things you can’t manage yourself, but institutionalizing it runs a severe risk of becoming harmful cults. And it often does.

45. Your personality type me

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done i saw the lost bunny that was on all the posters in the neighbourhood looked thin and patchy so i grabbed him to take him home. im allergic. sent me to hospital and I almost died.

47. Are you happy with your current life? feeling sick sucks and partners having a depressive episode but things are pretty good

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life living

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? blacks, reds, whites and pinks

50. Favourite colour to wear? at the moment pink. Red is always comforting though.

51. How would you describe your style? mix between lazy alternative punk, teenager with band shirts and harajuku peach kawaii uwu

52. Are you happy with your current looks? kinda wish i was a bit shorter but what can you do

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? bit shorter

54. Any tattoos or piercings? lol no PTSD

55. Do you get complimented often? by who? partner constantly, family haha are you kidding im australian so a friend’s version of showing affection is calling you a cunt and slapping your ass in public

56. Favourite aesthetic? all might

57. A popular trend that you dislike blocking because you disagree or find them distasteful. Ignoring all context to opposing thoughts and arguments. taking a personal feeling of disgust to mean something is evil. Blocking your ears to anything that isn’t a circlejerk of what you already think - and trying to isolate anyone who even just listens to something other then the noise of your sloppy dicks to have a thought of their own.

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with? The Machine by Low Roar

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like. why wouldnt i admit i like a song

60. Favourite genre? probably enka haha

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? probably enka haha oh and tatsuro yamashita

62. Hated popular songs/artists? why the hell would I hate something like a song? I hate aspects of the music industry as a whole I guess?

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 which playlist they aren’t all together in one place

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? piano, saxophone... uh... partners good at making music and playing shakuhachi

65. Do you like karaoke? no.

66. Own any albums? yes? many?

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? no. but triple J, ABC Jazz and Classical. sometimes they even play final fantasy and JRPG music on classical which is pretty neat. -

68. Favourite movie/series? can i make this about games because then the answer is Metal Gear Solid

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc ...shounen?

70. Your fictional crush/es if they’re over 40yrs old, male and happy and bubbily or grumpy and sad then there’s a big ol fat chance I wanna bone. Solid Snake from MGS4, All Might and pretty much anyone drawn by Tarou Madoromi.

71. Which fictional character is you? uh

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so what does this even mean what language is this

73. Favourite greek god? idk hades seems chill

74. A legend from where you live that you like the story of Tjilbruke is funny and good. all Kaurna stories are good.

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist? im in a big egon schiele mood atm.

76. Can you share your other social media? no i am incapable

77. Favourite youtubers? many

78. Favourite platform? not too high up. actually i like being a little lower than ground level in corners.

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? look i just want to say that MGS4 is the best one in the series and Death Stranding is phenomenally engaging.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) these are all so goddamn definitive how can I pick? Oh wait the answer is One Piece

82. Do you play board/card games? I play DnD atm and know 15 yr old rules to Yugioh

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? that shit dosn’t happen here

84. Favourite holiday golden week coz its a week also easter because thats when all the glucose based sweets come back

85. Are you into dramas? what kind

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? no. thats called being a murderer.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? chill people out a bit. when people feel unsafe they get really depenfive and territorial and block their ears to everything, making in-and-out groups for themsevles that end up putting them in more harm.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? im disabled with a disabled partner. we arent funny sure we can survive normal everyday life when society is angled so sharply against us.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? id like to be a mimi spirit

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? spooky time

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? toshinori yagi

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? anyone healthy

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo that cursed one with the intense eyes and the hand

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true im me im not me im pee

95. Cold or hot? cold.

96. Be a hero or be a villain? both are distasteful ideas in reality

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? i can’t do either partner speak sin bad puns and its hell, these both sound about equal

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting. controlling time is eithe rmanipulative or lonely. shapeshifing is every other superpower at once.

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death? both are deeply upsetting ideas

100. ….. or …..? jiji or ossan? generally Jiji, but ossans can be lovely too.

#personal #stupid

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prince-of-places · 5 years

Text

No One Ever Asked Me If I Wanted to Change (This is a little life story. You don’t have to read it. I just wanted to tell someone and I finally had the motivation to do it. Sorry if I clog up your dash at all, I don’t know how to do the “Keep Reading” thing)

No one ever asked me if I wanted to change. I always knew from a young age that I was different from everyone else around me, I knew that I didn’t fit in. I preferred to read on my own or sit in a corner of the playground by myself while everyone else decided to play sports (mostly football/soccer). Which was fine, since I had no interest in those things. I was quite content just being me, and not being like everyone else. I liked to learn new things about the world around me, and I had little to no value for friendships or human connection (it was there, but it was not a primary concern of mine. I liked being alone). I enjoyed learning more than anything else. My reading age was always further ahead of the rest of my class. I only learned when I turned 6 or 7 that I really enjoyed reading encyclopedias, and showing off to my fellow classmates and adult figures in my life. I enjoyed the praise and adulation I received. I also found a fondness for maths, as shown by the fact that my first two maths copies are full of correct answers (not a single mistake in my copies from my first 2 schools. Maybe a handful but most of my copies are unscathed). I used to do extra work outside of school just because I liked learning that much. I enjoyed writing reports on my favorite animals, as well as designing characters for comics and stories. I had creative outlets I enjoyed using, as well as intellectual pursuits.

My parents suspected something was “wrong” with me for a long time but could never pin their finger on it. I think my teachers suspected something was different about me but most were hesitant to tell me about it. According to my parents, I had unusual bedtimes (still do XP) and one day I stayed up late thinking about the universe and what created it. When I realized there was no definitive answer, I became incredibly anxious. I never really had any kind of faith in a “god” (at least not the Catholic one, which I’ve been surrounded by for my whole life) but when I realized it must have been a god which created the universe, I then became anxious about who created god, which has been ever-present anxiety of mine and never really gone away. The next day in school, I basically had an anxiety attack in class, which prompted my teacher to tell my parents to seek help for me (why they didn’t do so beforehand is beyond me). A temporary solution was to do yoga in school, which didn’t really help since my brain was too logical to accept that it would work. There were also various attempts to shove me into afterschool events, and while I appreciated people trying to help me, I didn’t appreciate not being asked if I wanted “help”. I was a perfectly fine being who I was, and yes, I probably did need help, but I didn’t want my whole personality to change.

This pervading feeling of being changed, sculpted by people who had no business doing so made me really upset looking back, but because I have trouble expressing myself and standing up for myself, I just let it happen.

I start going to therapy when I was 9 years old, and this was where my personality really began to change. I never understood my other classmates, especially not the male ones (I thought for a long time that I was just a girl and no one told me. It was that or a robot. Either way, I don’t think I was ever big on gender but little me just accepted that it was too hard to bother getting worried about). My therapist told me to focus on building up my relationship with male classmates since I was more likely to have more in common with them (even though I always got on better with the girls) and so I felt like I was being forced to change my interests to adapt myself to be more sociable with my classmates. Again, no one asked me if that’s what I wanted.

Around this time, I also started attending a local youth center, which was small and segregated by gender (essentially). It made social interaction easier, but it meant I spent a lot of time with people I didn’t really like, and it was mostly boys. My work in the center led to me being accepted on a scholarship to my current school, which is a private all-boys Catholic school. It’s a very small school (less than 200 pupils), which meant it was easier to socialize and also get specialized attention from teachers. Except that most teachers don’t acknowledge that I have certain problems (I don’t even think I could describe half of them). I then began volunteering in the youth center after school, leading group activities for children and helping raise money for the center. It was a good experience for the most part, but I soon came to realize that the stress and time I was dedicating to the center were not worth the benefits (this was when I was around 16 if anyone cares about the chronology).

Just to back up a little bit, I finished my therapy when I was 13, which meant I had to set my own social goals. My isolation from females meant I decided to make my aim to get a girlfriend (I realized I was at an age where I could do that, and I thought the experience would be helpful for when I was older). I’m fairly certain this meant I got a crush on pretty much any girl who showed any kind of interest in me (yeah, I feel bad about that). I also got a phone around this time, as well as my first crush. I got bullied in school over the crush by everyone in my class, and older students I didn’t even know. My use of the phone also isolated me. Both of these factors made it so I was pretty depressed for most of my first year in school, and pretty much all the years after that.

My school has a conservative, individualist approach to personal development, which made me feel like I had to sort these issues out by myself and that it was my own fault for not wanting to change enough. I was frustrated and in internal turmoil with myself over how I was feeling, which wasn’t helping the recent discovery I had made that I regretted my therapy and found it wasn’t helping me.

I got a diagnosis of Autism when I was 9 (Asperger’s Syndrome then). I was told I have a very logical mind, an IQ of 120, and had trouble empathizing with others around me. It came along with lots of other connotations and informed my identity. It was one of the only identities I felt comfortable using. Then, when I was 14/15, I went to my school psychologist and told him about the diagnosis. A year later, he told me that someone “bullshitted me” and that he thought it was more likely that I had a vestibular disorder (a problem with my inner ear, which badly affects my balance and social skills), which meant I had near-constant anxiety over my sense of identity.

This leads me to a place where I’m at right now. Last year or the year before I found out what a nihilist is. I found that being apathetic made it easier to live, and combined with my tendency to mask my autistic traits means that I don’t really know who I am. It feels like there are multiple “mes” in my head.

I guess to kinda summarise,I’ve always felt different from everyone around me. People have always felt like I need to be “fixed”,without ever asking how I felt about it.or what I wanted to change. A combination of social circumstances means that I now no longer really have any sense of connection to myself or who I am. I feel like a walking contradiction. I don’t know who I am or who I want to be. I never feel fully satisfied with things,I feel like I’m always looking for more. But I never know what more is. I feel like I always push people away,and I’ve never really had other people want to stick around with me for a long time. So many people have tried to craft me into what they view as the perfect version of me, and they’ve all failed. No one really knows me,I think. So many get close,and then I usually push them away. I don’t know why I’m like this. I finder it harder and harder to learn things. I don’t know who I am,who I was or who I’m going to be. But I do no one ever asked me if I wanted to change.

#I expect to go back and edit this later #there are lots of things in this that no one irl knows about me #sorry that it's a bit of a mess. I write stream of conscience

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ask-the-clergy-bc · 5 years

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Hope u are having a good day! ;D how the papas and Copia used to be as children? like, what kind of personalities they had back then?

Thank you, and the same to you sweet pea

Papa Nihil: Out going young man that was very social! Nihil was rather cautious as a child, and admittedly, not the brightest. BUT- he made up for it in a positive attitude and natural ability to make friends. Nihil was the type of child to befriend every other kid in the room within the hour. Nihil as a child was a natural born leader, and good at getting all the other kids to listen. Remember being in school and when one kid started to say ‘shh’ everyone would stop and listen? That was him!

Papa I: Very self isolated, but incredibly happy and content. Wise beyond his years. Papa was never the social one, but it didn’t make him miserable. Even as a young boy, he was more interested in academics and reading. His curiosity knew no bounds! Was totally the little kid to sit next to you and ask a million questions about anything and everything! Also very hands on with his learning. Not maliciously, but he was definitely the one to take apart objects to see how they worked! Papa was also the kid you meet who could info dump about his favorite subjects. Some kids tell you their favorite dinosaur? Papa was the one giving you a biological thesis on why his favorite dinosaur developed the way it did.

Papa II: Blunt and matter of fact, only enhanced by how incredibly witty and observant he was. Papa was the type of child to call out adult’s bullshit immediately. Like shooting down the idea of a tooth fairy, or made up reasons of why he couldn’t have ice cream for dinner. He was actually a rather content and happy child. Just one that you couldn’t lie to or pull one over on! Was actually really popular among other kids- like his dad, a natural leader. If there was a gang of kids going on an adventure, Papa was the one leading them!

Papa III: Out of everyone, pretty much the same as he is now. He was an energetic, happy go lucky little devil with an angel face. Papa was ALWAYS getting into some trouble. Not out of spite, but because he always had very poor impulse control and a curiosity to match it. What was worse? He knew how to cute his way out of trouble. Mischievous little guy, but still with a heart of gold. Loved to play with other children and always be a social butterfly. Also a class clown that loved performing for a crowd. Center of attention, whether it was praise or being scolded for a prank, is the one place he’s always wanted to be!

Cardinal Copia: Unbearably shy and skittish. Smart little cookie, but soft spoken when he was younger. It wasn’t until his early adult years that he stopped being awkward and became more out going. He was definitely a child that would be in the talented and gifted programs for his intelligence. But on the flip side, rarely went to play with other kids. Much preferring to play by himself or read. It didn’t help that young Copia found it difficult to relate to other children. But he was always very good with speaking to adults he knew and trusted. Copia was definitely the type to hide behind an adult’s legs when being introduced to strangers.

#the band ghost #ghost bc #Ghost headcanon #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #cardinal copia

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alvariearmy · 4 years

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🔥A show 🔥A book 🔥One popular fandom you aren't in 🔥One popular fandom you are in Misc🔥🔥🔥🔥

This is so many, I know who sent this, and I have your address saved somewhere-

A show: Haven’t watched it, probably never will, but everything I see of Teen Wolf convinces me that it tried (tries? is it still going?) too hard to be “scary” while also always holding back. I read about their worst villains and see people saying how scary they were, and I think about the villain I made when I was twelve who was way worse. From when I was twelve.

A book: I’m pretty meh on shipping Harry and Karrin. I wouldn’t be upset if it happened, or when it likely will happen, but I would prefer them to just... stay friends. I think that would be better for everyone.

One popular fandom I’m not in: Marvel is so overrated and not nearly as good as most of the stans think. Some of their earlier movies are pretty good, but almost all of their newer things? Yeah, hard pass.

One popular fandom I am in: Legacies is the biggest I can think of, so... I don’t want Hope with either of the Saltzman twins for endgame. Given that Hope has described Alaric as being like a father... it would be odd to me? I would like to see them explore her bisexuality, though.

Misc. 1: I really can’t stand mint. I don’t know why, but it makes my throat burn cold and my eyes water, even when it’s just brushing my teeth. And if the smell is too strong, I can’t stand that either, but I don’t like strong smells in general. Sensitive nose.

Misc. 2: Cancel culture is bullshit. Not that it isn’t real, that it’s stupid. Unless there is actual proof that someone did something wrong, and that they haven’t grown and/or shown remorse, most people deserve a second chance. (Not all, I do have hard limits, but some people get cancelled over the dumbest things.)

Misc. 3: Alcohol and weed are overrated, too. I don’t care what you do with your life, but I get so tired of people insisting I have to try these things. I don’t want to. I don’t see the appeal. I’ll change my mind when people stop trying to force these on me.

Misc. 4: I guess this is unpopular, since I’ve never seen anyone else say it, but spritz cookies are the best. Not too sweet, fall apart in your mouth, I just... I love them, maybe I’ll finally talk my parents into making them with me during this social isolation.

#unpopular opinion

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deanlightful · 5 years

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destiel au, fantasy setting, slave!dean, elf!dean

Castiel loathes the slave markets. The sickly sweet smell of incense to mask the seer of burning flesh; the barks of merchants, as cavalier as if they were selling produce instead of people. It makes his stomach turn, his hands shake.

Yet, here he is, cajoled by his eldest brother into accompanying him to the Sereville Slave Market. He’s ready to leave as soon as they set foot on the grounds. Large tents and open booths crowd the field, the smell of too many bodies is thick in the air.

“I don’t want to be here.” Castiel says.

He doesn’t see Michael roll his eyes, but he can hear the annoyance in his voice. “I know, you want to be home. That’s the only place you ever want to be.”

“I have things to do.”

“We all have things to do, but you have to leave your house every once in a while or mother starts to worry, and then the rest of us have to intervene.”

The suggestion that Castiel’s self-isolation is a burden makes it impossible for him to keep the scowl off of his face. He didn’t ask to be bothered, he didn’t ask for his family to feel the need to pressure him into social outings. He’s been this way for 27 years, they should be used to it by now.

“If it’s so much trouble, why did you agree to it?”

Michael sighs, “Mother worries.”

“Yes, you said that already.”

“And it still holds true.”

Castiel presses down the urge to snap at his brother. It won’t get them anywhere. It won’t make this trip any less unbearable.

“Why are we here?”

Michael is scanning the tents with an uninterested eye, looking over slaves as one might browse for shoes. He picks a tent seemingly at random and strides inside. Castiel hesitates a moment before following, his disdain for the whole affair warring with his fear of being left alone here. The inside is dim, a sweet smell is thick in the air. Slaves stand on pedestals, still as statues. Michael reaches out to touch one’s arm, to turn it this way and that appraisingly.

“I’m down a few of my staff. It’s time to replenish.”

Staff, he says. Castiel looks away, resisting the urge to shake his head. Michael calls them staff as though they have a choice in what they do, as if they make a wage.

“What happened to the last ones?”

Michael sighs again. He’s doing that a lot today. Maybe he just does that a lot around his youngest brother. He looks around the interior of the tent and, deciding that there is nothing he wants, steps back out into the sun.

“Well, you know elves, very breakable.”

There is no way for Castiel to answer without invoking Michael’s ire. He cannot say what he wants to: that Michael’s “preference” for elven slaves is gross fetishization, that the way he treats them is horrid, that owning slaves at all is shameful. Maybe he should say it, he almost has a million times. He’s said it to friends, even to some other siblings, but not to Michael. The cowardice of it eats at him, but he’s never been able to open his mouth and say it.

Instead, he says nothing. Thankfully, Michael rarely requires an answer, only an audience. He follows his brother for a good ten minute while Michael mutters about his being a second rate market and gets more and more agitated.

Happenstance has them near the outskirts of the market, browsing the open air showings, when a shout catches Michael’s attention. A branding pavilion stands nearby, and the source of the sound is quickly evident. A man is bent over a large stone block, bracelets of iron around his wrists and ankles marking him as a slave. He’s restrained by two men now, but it looks as if that were not the case moments ago. A third man stands close by, a red branding iron in one hand, the other hand is clasped to the side of his head. Blood trickles through his fingers, down the side of his face.

“He bit me.” The man snarls.

“Oh? What do we have here?” The light in Michael’s eyes sends a chill down Castiel’s back. One of the many things he knows, and wishes he didn’t, is that Michael likes “the challenging ones”. He likes to break them.

A host is quickly blocking their view, hands held up.

“I’m so sorry, sir. No need to look at that, why don’t we just go this way.” He tries to herd them away but Michael is steadfast.

“No, no. I’m interested. Spirited, isn’t he? Can I see him?”

The host hesitates, looks back at the block. The slave has stopped struggling now and is breathing heavily, not as though from exertion, but like he’s hyperventilating. His eyes are shut tight.

“Alright, I suppose. Stand him up.”

The two men holding the slave down move to pull him upright. He has a handsome face, dark blond hair, and long, pointed ears. Castiel feels a chill of fear before he even hears his brother hum approvingly.

“Ah, Elvish. Beautiful thing, isn’t he? Does he have a buyer?”

The host purses his lips. He looks to be choosing his words carefully. “Well, no. He’s being moved to one of our permanent facilities.”

“This one? You mean to tell me that he’s just going to be doing manual for the rest of his life? With that body? What’s wrong with him.”

“No one will keep him.” The host explains. “In the beginning it was fighting, running away, talking back. Now…” He looks over his shoulder at where the young man is standing like a statue but for the quickness of his breath, “He won’t speak, he won’t eat. He’s becoming useless.”

Michael puts a thumb to his bottom lip, a smile widens his mouth. “A challenge.”

Castiel knows what Michael is going to say, to do. He knows how this is going to go and he can’t stand it. He can’t let it happen. Afterward, he’ll wonder if he wasn’t possessed for a moment by the spirit of someone braver than himself.

He takes a step forward before Michael can say anything else. “I want him.” He declares.

The host and Michael both stare at him.

“You what?” Says Michael.

“I, uh, I would like to… purchase him.”

Michael narrows his eyes. He takes a step back and plants his hands on his hips. Then, to Castiel’s surprise, he smiles. “I always knew you’d come around.” He says. “All your holier than thou bullshit, you just hadn’t seen the right one. He’s special, I’ll give you that.”

“I- I still don’t agree with-”

“Yeah, save it. I know how you really feel, now. You really want this one, then?” Michael shakes his head. “Damn. Well, that’s a loss for me, but at least you’re down off your high horse.” He claps Castiel on the back so hard that he stumbles forward a step.

“Uh,”

“Alright, let's get this sorted out before you change your mind.”

- this is one i’m writing currently, and I’m wondering if anyone will be interested in reading it. If you have any thoughts, let me know!

#destiel #fantasy au #elf dean #slave dean #elf!dean #slave!dean #deancas #au #fantasy destiel #fic #fanfic #destiel fanfic #mine #my writing #freckles

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moonlit-maiden · 5 years

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On Nico di Angelo, "Pairing the Spare" and How to Shaft a Complex Character in Less Than 500 Pages

This will be long. Strap in. This is long overdue.

So more longtime followers of mine may already know this but I adore Nico di Angelo from the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. They also know I continue to eastly, to this day, about how he was handled at the end of the Heroes of Olympus series. Now, I've never fully delved into the 'why's and I will do so now as it's probably best to actually articulate it at some point instead of continually lamenting it without presenting rationale.

First: WHY do I love his character so much? It all boils down to shared/similar experiences for social ostracization. Growing up, I was quickly pushed out of social circles due to who my parents were; immigrants. Simply existing with the ethnicity and cultural heritage I had labeled me as untouchable. To sum it up succinctly; white but not the "right" kind of white. Keep in mind this was at the end of the Cold War; attitudes towards Slavic peoples were poor as hell. Fuck, they still are 30 years later! Nico is ousted due to his heritage too; being a Hades child. It's not something he chose nor controlled. He himself did nothing wrong to any of the campers yet when word got out they pushed him away. The same happened to me. As soon as the school kids and/or parents realized my parents were Slavic immigrants they shoved me out. It still hurts to this day. As such, I can deeply empathize with Nico.

Why does this matter? Because that blanket social rejections fucks people up. Nico is shown throughout the series to be distrustful, preferring to isolate himself. He has been shown time and time again he is unwanted due to being a Hades child. Eventually you just... stop trying. When you beat a dog enough times it stops coming around. This is the same thing. In addition, Nico has lost his elder sister, Bianca. The one person he felt understood him because she, too, was similar to him. Now I have Opinions on Bianca that would piss off 99% of the fandom but it's irrelevant here. Her death occurs shorts before or after it's revealed Nico is a Child of Hades. He is 10 years old with no one and the whole camp rejects him. It's a cruel thing to do to someone no matter how much you try and justify it. Rick did an incredible job highlighting how racism, ethnocentrism and bullying harms a child. Nico immediately became my favorite for this and I applauded Rick for having the balls to shine a very uncomfortable light on a situation similar to mine. A situation, I'm very sure many first generation or immigrant kids can relate to.

So where did it all go wrong? To be blunt, Blood of Olympus. Now, the final volume of the HHO series is a hot mess in general. Almost ALL characters get shafted on way or another with mischaracterization, simplification or backtracker on character growth. Not to mention the plot feels very slapdash and messy at times. But again, another subject. We see Reyna and Coach Hedge start to really get to know Nico and realize the extent at how bad his abuse has been at the hands of monsters and demigods alike. Neither feels this is right and shows it as best they can while respecting Nico's boundaries. In the previous book, House of Hades, Jason does the same thing. But then we finally get back to Camp Half Blood and shit falls apart for Nico's arc.

It's plainly obvious to anyone who's ready the series in full that Nico is traumatized, even moreso then most of the cast. He has been physically tortured multiple times, psychologically tortured by the camp and emotionally manipulated by several individuals. Keep in mind, by HOO, Nico is roughly 14. Fourteen. Can you even image how that feels?! He's only just now, after Jason, Hazel and Reyna's persistence that they will not hurt him, that they genuinely care for his well being, that they don't care about his heritage (and don't care about his sexuality, from Jason specifically). And then Will appears and Nico magically forgets 4 years of pining for Percy. It's so jarring, like a screeching record! This is when we enter the issue.

In writing, there are many rules. Like all rules, they can be bent of broken under certain circumstances. The rule in question is the 'pair the spare' rule. The rule states that if the pain cast has paired off, do not pair of the "spare" aka the odd man out unless it's been led up to. Rick chose to ignore this rule and pair Nico with Will, citing that as a canon LGBT character, he wanted to send the message to LGBT kids that they were worthy of love. This in itself is not a bad message. What IS bad is execution. First, Will is a background character. He very much has potential, don't get me wrong! But outside of having a few minor scenes in final volume of the PJO series, Will has only ever been mentioned in passing. From what we've seen, he and Nico have never interacted. On top of that, Will who is a healer, completely dismisses Nico's trauma. This is a very big red flag. When someone is traumatized, particularly psychologically, the absolute last thing to do is to dismiss the experience as "teen angst" like Will does. It shows absolute disrespect for Nico as a human being. And he is a healer. He should know better. In addition, Nico himself is not fond of the dismissive personality Will is displaying, the 'I'm going to tell you what to do' persona because he's a doctor so 'doctor knows best'. And in Nico's POV he says as much in his inner monologue! Yet he's "drawn to him". I'm sorry, but I call bullshit. Nico has been shown in 9 1/2 books to be quite smart, paranoid about social intentions due to past experiences and won't take crap from no one, not even his own father, the Lord of the (fucking) Underworld. Yet he'll just grit his teeth and basically follow Will's lead with little complaint? It's so out of character it's jarring and painful.

We briefly see Nico and Will in the first Trials of Apollo book. They're acting like the normal couple with Nico being the "sassy, snarky" one of the pair. Please note it's been 6-8months since the end of BOO, in-universe. In this one scene it completely erases Nico's trauma, very valid feelings of distrust and hurt, his struggle with both his heritage and his sexuality, his years-long unrequited love for Percy, his grief over his sister and his struggle to make connections with his fellow demigods. Love is powerful but its not a cure-all. It doesn't make the years of hurt and abuse magically disappear (trust me. I know.) and it doesn't change someone's personality to well-adjusted.

Pairing Nico with Will at the end of BOO completely destroys his characterization from a writing standpoint. All the real struggle, grief and unpleasant consequences of abusing and bullying people who are "other" in socially-acceptable ways is wiped away in less then 50 pages. It also send a very VERY dangerous message to LGBT youth; find someone you're attracted to and they'll fix you. That's a toxic message to tell to straight kids so why the fuck would you tell it to LGBT kids!? Unlike most LGBT character in literature that I can tell are shoehorned it, Nico was planned to be gay from the start, I have no issue with this. What I do have issue with is throwing his character out the window so he can chase some cute blond ass. Nico deserves better then that as a character. People who suffered socially-acceptable abuse deserve better then that. Immigrants and first-generation kids deserved better then that. LGBT youth deserved better then that.

THAT is why I keep getting so pissed; Rick took a genuinely complex character and fucked him over so he could lazily pair the spare and not be accused of leaving the only canonically gay character single. But there is a reason 'do not pair the spare' is a rule. It's better to leave a character single then slapdashedly pair them up. This goes double for characters who have trauma in their life and trauma is a serious issue that should be respectfully addressed. Love is powerful. Love helps to heal. But the love of family (Hazel) or budding friends (Jason and Reyna) is just as important, valid and send a powerful message. It sends the message 'you are not alone. You are worthy of love. You are a human worthy of regarding of both your experiences and your fears.' Pairing Will with Nico completely and utterly stomps on this message. It sends horrible signals to LGBT youth and scraps his complex character into the token goth gay boy. And Nico di Angelo deserves better then what he was given.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#nico di angelo #hoo #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians

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