#this is a heavy vent whoops! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maxthesillyy · 10 months

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i used to think that i was just a really selective multi-shipper. but in reality i was just aroace.

#maybe this doesnt make sense to anybody but me. but thats okay #OH and also autistic #LMFAO whoops this almost turned into vent tags #no this about how i thought i was a multi shipper with heavy taste. but just turned out im just aromantic and i dont rlly have the words to #explain how that works.#and also autistic because i only care about 3 bitches and i REALLY VERY MUCH care about those bitches.#and only them #kinda sad ngl

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griffsursparker · 2 years

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the desire to share my poetry with my friends vs the fact that the gc I'd normally share this with because I feel comfortable sharing something so personal with these people is full of people who know the person this one is about lmao

#and at least one of them would probably realize that #so I just. cannot in good conscience share this with them but #damn this is way too personal and also way too dark and fucked up to share with anyone else lmao #I'm just rambling because if I ramble there they'd tell me to share it anyways #and the person it's ABOUT follows my twt so extra can't say anything there #and idk I just think what I really need to do is talk about. what happened with this person #but it's this weird dynamic of like. no one who doesn't know the person would Get It fully #but only one person who DOES know the person knows the full extent of why it's fucking me up #except it was way fucking worse on them #so it doesn't feel right venting to them because like objectively it impacted them way more #I was just sorta on the sidelines #anyways this was a long ramble but in short whoops I think the problem is not actually wanting to share the poem #and is more just christ I need to talk about this thing #but it's so fucking heavy welp #I need therapy lmaooo

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vxnted · 2 months

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have been begging for my period since january and the universe finally decided to grant it to me while i’m sick. ok

#vent #at least my mood has lifted #but i’m having nosebleeds with a heavy flow while sneezing and shit #i’m fighting for my life #my iron levels are 0 #anaemia whooping my ass too

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benetnvsch · 9 months

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hmm...

#vent #having a Certified D/zai Moment rn whoops-#WAIT THOUGH NOT LIKE THAT IM REALIZING HOW IT SOUNDS ALARMING IM FINE JUST-#tw death #I just am feeling the heavy consequence of Not Enough Sleep and friend who died too young at 23 #idk its strange #I am not Good with loss and 23 is far to young to die and 18 is far too young to lose someone #the appointment today didn't help #I almost feel guilty that it went so well when you were unable to be saved #idk #idk why im sharing this ig I want to talk about you somewhere #hope you're resting easy friend <33 #man #gonna eat pie now at midnight now to cope peace freax-#idk idkd oughh-

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 9 months

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Imagine...Demon Dean Hunting You (Part 1)

Pairing: Demon!Dean x reader

A/N: Wrote this 7 years ago and forgot about it. Whoops

_______

“Y/N, where are you sweetheart?” you heard Dean taunt from somewhere in the bunker. Of course you had to be alone, Sam and Cas just had to go out together to get some more blood. You were going to kill Sam if you ever saw him again, forgetting the last bag you’d needed to turn Dean all the way back...he should be praying you didn’t get a hold of him.

A door slamming shut nearby made you shudder. Dean was getting closer to your hiding spot and you knew beating him when he wasn’t some super strong version of himself was difficult enough.

“I just want to talk to my, Y/N. I know you’ve missed me,” he said, voice only a hall away. You could risk running from the closet you were in, try to conceal yourself in some dark corner. It’d be pointless though, Dean was too good right now and he’d hear.

You titled your head up, holding in a groan as you heard Dean find your hall. Your eyes widened as you got an idea. You wasted no time, not caring about the noise you were making as Dean chuckled and you saw the light under the door be blocked out.

“Found you,” he sang, trying the handle at first but finding it locked. You nearly fell as you felt Dean ram his shoulder once and then twice into the door as it flung open. “Now where...” he trailed off as he didn’t see you in the small space.

“Up here,” you said, staring down from where you’d managed to pull yourself up into the air vent. It was gross and dark but for the first time since Dean escaped, you felt safe. He’d never fit, no matter what traces of demon he had left in him.

“Just when I thought we were done playing,” he said darkly. “Smart, I’ll give you that. But I’ll see you in a few minutes sweetheart,” you heard him say as he disappeared with a wink. You crawled further into the vents, toward the other side of the bunker, aiming for the garage when you started to feel warm, very warm.

“Did he...” you trailed off as you pushed on towards the garage, ignoring the heat. When you got there, you found the vent blocked, a heavy tool chest in front of it that you’d never move. And so it went, every vent you tried, Dean had put something in front of it or bolted right over it, all the while the heat got so bad the metal was beginning to hurt your hands. He’d turned the furnace to the max, the air barely breathable as you made your way back to the vent you came up in.

You hid out of view as long as you could stand it, until your lungs burned for cool air and your skin was begging for any kind of relief. You debated staying there but knew Sam and Cas would be home soon. You could handle Demon Dean for fifteen minutes. You had to.

Ungracefully, you slipped out of the vent, falling back to the closet floor, knees smacking hard as you let out a whine, the cold floor a nice reprieve. Until you saw a pair of boots step into view.

“Hi, Y/N,” said Dean, a hand in the back of your shirt pulling you up. “You’re coming with me.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 2 here!

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luffyvace · 4 months

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Heyooo :D

Robin's anon back (ngjfnjff this is so funny to type I hope you don't mind 😭😭), could I request Robin with a male s/o who always take care of the crew ? (He's either like a big bro or a father for some of them) For example : He always makes sure Zoro sleeps in a comfortable position whenever he suddenly takes a nap after training, he always brings to Nami new inks, maps, pens..., candies for Chopper (just like Robin hehehehe), food for Luffy... but in process he kinda neglects himself because he prioritizes the crew above all.

Thank you again for your kindness and I wish you an amazing day/night. ❤️😊

OH HIII ROBIN’S ANON!! i don’t mind you addressing yourself as that at all it’s how i remember you:) 😭!

AWW male s/o sounds so sweet! of course i’ll do this request!!

anytime anyday anon💗💗 you have a wonderful day/night as well <3

YIPPIE I LOVE THIS GIF OF ROBIN<3

ENJOY YOUR HEADCANONS LOVELY ANONYMOUS!!

sooo!

your so helpful!!

“SNACKS! oh gee thanks m/n!”

-luffy

”mmmm…huh? PUT ME DOWN?! oh..hmm…zzzz”

-zoro

”come in! oh m/n, what’s up? is that for me?! thanksss m/n!! your the best! i was running out of paper actually!!….just for the record i don’t owe you any beri for this you know..😗”

-nami

”ahh! m/n! actually i need your help with something…i had usopp to build this shelf for my books only to realize it’s too high..could you get that red one down and..maybe make it lower? hahah 😅”

-chopper

”ohhh! m/n! look! it’s my latest invention!! the only problem is..i’m missing a key piece…see here? it needs something to generate it! could you go back to the island and find something for me?? thanks a lot! i knew i could count on you!”

-usopp

”MMMM/NNNNNNN!!!! MOOOORE SNAAAAAAAAACKS!!”

-luffy..again

”m/n! i’m trying to cook dinner but luffy keeps pestering me! think you could wrestle luffy to go play outside or something?!”

-sanji

”oi! m/n just in time! i need you to go help me test out this SUUUUUUPERRRRR new upgrade i’m making to the sunny! go unfurl the sails!”

-franky

”WHAT IN THE WORLD?! THE LOG POSE IS FACE A COMPLETE 180!! WERE GOING THE WRONG WAY!”

”oh! whoops! i asked m/n to unfurl the sails so i could-“

💥💥 😓 😬 😡✊

(yes this sequence again)

”M/N FIX THIS NOW”

-nami

”m/n!! how very good to see you! i’ve come up with a new song! would you like to hear it? very well—i shall play!”

-brook

you ran to the library as soon as you could and flopped into one of the chairs

a hand touched your shoulder and you wanted to just completely melt away from how tired you were

and yet you were gonna have to help another person

nope!

just robin:)

i mean you didn’t mind helping but…today’s been a long day

robin sits next to you

you air your complaints and get a lot of much needed stress off your shoulders

she sprouts two hands from your back to massage your shoulders and it felt really good

she gives you advice to start saying ‘no’ a little more and that it’s okay to take some time for yourself

she scolds you only a bit when you do this but only because she cares

and especially because she loves you

💗

robin had a hand in the bathroom preparing you a hot bath while you vented to her

after you were done she told you about the shower

and boy it was a real steamy one

just what you needed

robin always knows just what to do when your exhausted

but would prefer if you’d simply solve the problem at hand

LOL

she lectures you about this and man does it drag on

oh well you’d much rather hear her soothing voice than overexert yourself

she recommends you things like meditation and reading

and maybe even to go to chopper about it

especially if things get physical like your back or arms hurt

zoros’ heavy ok?

spawns a bunch of arms to chop your back if that’s what you need

shes the best really

brings you drinks and honestly just caters to you until your feeling better

by then your ready for a hot meal and some sleep

which is exactly what happens thankfully

you two holds hands in your sleep and cuddle a little closer that night

SO SWEET 🥲

these were shorter than my norm

it’s ok bc quality over quantity right?? you can always request more i’m just sleepy rn 😋

also this was in a slightly different writing style than usual so i hope you like!! it’s not permanent tho

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dampsleeves · 5 months

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life update :3 (a little vent-y)

sooo, been over 200 days since the house caught fire and we had to move. obviously, a lot of stuff's been happening. can't go into deep details for fear of someone I don't want to find this, finding this, but I'll say this much: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've very rarely mentioned family on here (for obvious reasons - this account is NOT made for that lol) but here goes. tw for pretty heavy topics: mentions of abuse, father issues, health issues, transphobia & financial issues. I turned 18 Feb 21st, literally just almost 2 months before the damn house caught fire. Meanwhile, my brother's still a minor. MEANING, I narrowly escaped the custody battle my mom & dad are in. But unfortunately, he's still stuck in the middle of it. :( My pops was not really the nicest person to me when I was a kid -

whooping my ass whenever I did anything wrong, no matter how minor the offense was.

Telling me that he loved God more than he loved me, because "You're God's gift to me. God is the one who gave you to me in the first place," when I was four.

Telling me that if I didn't start being ok with receiving physical affection from family - which he knew made me uncomfortable - I was "going to grow up to be a S3R1AL K1LL3R" (yes he said that.)

Telling me that "God doesn't make mistakes," and that he "made me into a beautiful young woman for a reason" after I came out to him personally at 14 - big mistake 0/10 stars, would never do again. You get the idea. And those are the tame examples I could think of. So, I finally cut him off. As soon as my mom, brother, & I were in our new place, I blocked his number and haven't talked to him since. I was sick of him not respecting my boundaries, and repeatedly demonstrating that he thought of me as nothing more than a possession. Tired of him making me feel crazy all the time too. But now he's fucking with my mom & brother. Intentionally not paying child support till the last minute possible - & then making it in as small of payments at a time as he possibly can (yes he can afford it btw.) Trying to force my brother to go over to his place, even when my brother does NOT want to - which has begun giving my brother psychological issues & issues with school, mirroring the ones I used to struggle with bc of that bastard. My mom is juggling all sorts of things, & I really at least wanna try to help financially by getting a job, but I can't yet because: she says that I'm only 18, & shouldn't have to get a job to help out (I disagree.) I don't have an ID bc she wants me to wait on my legal name change - which costs a pretty decent chunk of change - reason is bc she "wants me to have as easy an early adulthood life as possible" (love her.) AND, I haven't actually graduated - No, I dipped in 11th bc school was hell (not exaggerating,) & instead just decided to pursue a GED, that I haven't been able to work towards bc of the shit show that is life in midwestern america. So I've been very depressed, exhausted, & hopeless. The least I can do is clean up our house while she's at work, & get this - some days I don't even have the physical energy to do THAT! I do not know what the hell is wrong with my body currently, but it absolutely sucks. & I'm really tired of just taking up space all the time. She's dealing with health issues too, & I'm always worried ab her. Idk what the hell to do, but something's gotta give. Everybody needs a fucking break. I keep trying to shoo away all the dark thoughts, push myself as often as possible, & keep my fingers crossed, but jfc... Sorry just needed to yell into the void for a sec. I'll live, I'm sure - I've survived worse. Sometimes things just suck. But I like to think that someday they won't. :,)

#spiidervent #not snz #venting :3 #feel free to ignore this if you dont wanna hear me bitch and moan

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p1nkcanoe · 1 year

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Plushia is the Abbey's Resident Baby Gremlin.

Plushia is an interesting little creature.

It was summoned by accident. The abbey had needed a new ghoul to help around the grounds and any would do… Their lack of specificity had been their mistake. You can imagine the look of confusion and shock on Imperator and the Cardinal’s face when the glowing from the summoning ritual subsided and sat crisscrossed in the center was a miniature, demonic little gremlin, shifting and shaping its body into different forms before settling on an odd, grotesque copy of the awkward Cardinal to his left.

“Whoops?” The Cardinal had said, nervously. Imperator had not been impressed.

And they’d always meant to send him back to wherever it came from, but the time to do it never came. But it wasn’t like it ran rampant through the halls, tormenting siblings and biting the ghouls…

Except that's exactly what it did.

At least once a week the smell of smoke fills the halls and siblings are sent sprinting in and out of rooms trying to find where it is coming from. Most of the time it's a curtain or a sham set aflame by the creature and his stolen box of matches. The flame dances up and up and it watches it with huge black eyes as it eats at lavish fabrics until it licks the ceiling. Or until it’s put out by a cloud of extinguishing powders and ruined with copious amounts of water. It loves fire, like really loves it in an obsessed type of way. (Swiss once considered letting the thing play with bottle rockets until he launched himself into space. Cumulus said that was too cruel.) And the little thing runs surprisingly fast, like really, really fast. The second it hears the clink of Imperator’s heels or the sound of a boot it takes off through the door, leaving the smoldering match it used behind to burn a hole in the carpet.

“Today’s the day. It’s going back,” Imperator will say. She’ll even write it into her calendar. The only issue is, in order to send something back to the pit, you first have to catch it.

“Send the ghouls.”

And that is how you commence a gremlin hunt. It requires all hands on deck and sends every ghoul in the abbey sprinting and scrambling through the halls and down into the basement for the little shit. It brings out the worst in everyone. It’s purely primal –all unglamored bodies and claws– the way they attempt to hunt it down and capture it. But as mentioned previously, the thing is lightning fast and the perfect size to run under furniture and into cracks between the walls that only an arm can get into. It also doesn’t help that it thinks the hunt is a game; everything is always a game. He weaves around valuables, runs under padded feet, bites at resting heels… Needless to say, the hunts are ever unsuccessful and Imperator marks her calendar again.

Recently, and to everyone’s dismay, the thing got his hands on a screwdriver and mastered navigation of the vents. Now, siblings and ghouls alike are woken up in the middle of the night by the pitter-patter of feet somewhere above their heads and in the walls, much too heavy to be a rat. It’s insufferable. And it does it on purpose too, sometimes taking metal objects with it just to scrape and hit and drag against the sides in no particular pattern, just to make noise and keep the lucky individual from getting any sleep.

In the winter the abbey gets frigid at night. When the fires in the fireplaces die down and the air becomes icy, the gremlin sets out for warmth. On more occasions than the ghouls can count they've woken up to a tiny body nestled into their bed. It’ll worm its way in between the pillows or simply sleep right above the crown of one’s head if it wants, and they’ll never know until morning comes and they accidentally roll over on it or push it to the floor. He’s been caught a handful of times, captured between strong hands that carry him in a vice towards Imperator’s office. Mount and Cirrus’ hands are scarred from razor sharp teeth and tiny claws. They never make it the entire way before they’re dropping the gremlin and spitting curses between their teeth. It’s gone and giggling before they can even turn around.

Oh! And the little shit mocks people... It rarely speaks in full sentences, and never responds when spoken to, but the second something it finds amusing happens it’ll repeat it and poke fun like a broken record. Stub your toe? You’ll be hearing the way you cursed for hours. Think you’re quietly getting off in the safety of your own room? Nope! It’ll be in the walls and up through the vents moaning and groaning until the entire abbey knows the way you sound. Sometimes it’s humorous, like the time it caught Aether calling Sunshine “Daddy” and decided to sprint through every inch of the grounds repeating the word with perfect pitch and inflection, even including the breathy little whine at the end. They never let him live that one down.

#the band ghost #ghost band #ghost #ghost bc #plushia #ghost headcanon #plushia headcanon

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ashersanity · 3 months

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Hey, Asher. This is degenerate anon once again. Sorry for swarming your inbox with my asks 😭 I noticed you haven't been doing so well (because I may or may not be stalking your tags), and I just wanted to double-check, hope you're doing well. You're a pretty cool person and I'm kinda worried about your state Please, don't overwork yourself, whether it goes down to answering asks or other things like work or studies. We can wait as long as we have to for the first case, and you're a human too. What you do already is far more than enough I also just wanna remind you that you're awesome, and if anybody says otherwise, I'll punt them to the moon. I would have offered my inbox too, but I said some very embarrassing shit, there is absolutely no way I'm getting off anon, so all I can say is that I'll always be here for you, presence-wise. Eat and rest well today, you deserve a break (˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡) - Whitney's left tit- whoops, I meant... Degenerate anon :)

Lmfaooooo what. nah.

heavy vent. scroll past. thanks. →

Really, the last thing I really wanted when I made those posts was to worry anyone, not that I think I would but now I’m seeing a bunch of people suddenly reaching out to me and asking if I’m okay. I appreciate it a lot, really I do and you too, degenerate anon, for even bothering to ask when you could’ve scrolled past or played off those tags as shits n giggles since that’s what it sort of was in my head anyway. I wasn’t exactly in the best of states when I wrote those. Sometimes, rarely so, it gets so bad that I’m acting on impulse, sputtering out bullshit about wanting to end it right then and there, that it’d be better this way if I was never born at all. Its fucking hysterical how I play it off right after as if I didn’t just casually mention it a bit ago because truth is, I’m not okay yet I don’t want to reach out to anyone either in fear of being a bother and the vulnerability that comes with it. This whole persona of being obscenely horny for entertainment, unserious just for it to be a coping mechanism.

Not exactly sure why I’m laying it out all on you when you didn’t even ask for it, it’s selfish to do so but your ask just really made the words scramble and be put together in my brain as though I finally had the opportunity to answer the why to my question. Why the fuck am I like this. Why the fuck am I plagued with this utter crap of dealing with whatever the fuck this is. I don’t know what it really is, some have told me it’s depression and I’m simply in denial about it. Maybe I am. I’ve been through worse than this, especially in the lockdown though this somehow feels worser for no reason. I’m supposed to have gotten my shit together by then, moved out, new life, new place to settle in, new people, people who are actually kind and welcoming, regularly work out and whatnot.

I still feel like utter shit. I still feel like I’m not doing enough. To be honest, life is moving way too fucking fast for me, one day I’m still a young kid who’s spending his time all day at the park and the next I’m supposed to be a grown adult who’s got all his shit together by then, who has responsibilities, responsibilities that cannot be ignored nor pushed away no matter how much I try to run away from my problems. I know that it’s not that hard, at least, not compared to other people I’ve seen who have it so much harder and still manage through it all while I’m barely hanging on by a thread. It’s so pathetic, god. I need a shitty fictional character from a porn game to even cope about it but even then, there’s so much I can think about before reality hits me once more and I’m left to deal with my thoughts alone in the dark while my roommate is dozing away in the next room.

I hate it so much, I feel as though im not good enough no matter what I do, no matter what I try is simply not enough to measure to other people’s expectations or mines either, not that I think of myself much to begin with. Even when people tell me that what I do is good, wether it be art, writing, who I am as a whole, that they enjoy talking to me because I am who I am, reassured on my appearance too because no matter how many compliments I get I still feel like a monster hiding beneath a layer of flesh moulded to look like that of a human. I feel displaced. I feel as though I don’t belong. It’s not there’s nothing in the world for me, it’s simply I’m nothing for the world itself.

I’m a burden. It’s as simple as that, the amount of guilt that I feel when people express affection towards me, wether it be friends, family members, hell even romantic partners which I may or may not have rejected all from the horror of intimacy. Whenever they tell me they love me to my face, that they worry for me whenever I’m in a bad state, I can’t help the pit that fills my stomach nor the lump in my throat because I truly am undeserving of this fucking love. Give it someone else, please. Anyone but me because they need it more than I do, than whatever the fuck of a shitty person that I am.

I have it bad, so fucking bad that when someone hugged me today, I was practically burying my face in their shoulder and clinging onto dear life because by god, this is the only time I’ll ever allow myself such contact every time I push it away. Nearly burst into tears like a moron too even if I rarely do ever cry since it’s been ingrained in my head to never cry, boys don’t cry, he says, only sissies do and the last thing I wanna be is a pussy. Cried in front of him once as a kid and he told me to get my shit together and suck it up unless I wanna be beaten up in the adult world. So bad that someone actually caught me crying once and I quickly played it off as physical pain (recurring stomach ache) hurting me so bad that tears were spilling, frantically reassuring them that I’m good. Sometimes I do wonder, why i am the one to reassure others.

I know that if I actually reached out to the people that have offered, sought a therapist like a few people have recommended to, it would possibly get better or maybe not. It would probably do more good and I’d be able to sort through these feelings for sure but I won’t. I fucking won’t. I’ve gotten used to bottling up these feelings. Fuck, I’ve repressed them from years and it seems they’re finally spilling in this overly long ass post that no one will bother reading. That’s fine with me because I really need to say it out loud for once even if it’s written through text on a fucking platform called Tumblr where cock is more prevalent than someone’s fucking life.

I’m not okay. That’s the thing. I’m not fucking okay. I wish I could play it off as I usually do whenever people ask me such questions like “how are you” irl. I wish I could say it out loud, say it to their faces, say what I really am. I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay and I don’t think I’ll be okay soon either because I’ve not fucking okay for so long that it’s getting to me. I’m not okay. I’m miserable actually, I’m so fucking miserable that I wish I could just sleep forever and never wake up again. I’m so fucking miserable that there’s not a day that goes by where there’s this fleeting thought in the back of my mind that wonders, wonders how better it’d be if I were to disappear altogether, stop being a burden to those around me. I’m so fucking miserable that I didn’t even bother answering your well-intentioned question and instead am laying myself bare to the world on a shitty tumblr post. I’m so fucking miserable that I had to pause as I type this because it’s as though I’m finally admitting the obvious truth that I’ve been unwilling to say. I’m so fucking miserable that I just wish I could curl up into a ball and freely cry into someone’s lap, I wish I could fucking yell it even.

I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay. No matter how much I say it in these written words it doesn’t seem to equal to the amount of times I had to muffle myself, clasp a hand over my mouth in the darkness of my room as a teenager so that my noisy parents don’t overhear my cries. I’m not fucking okay because even when I tell myself as an adult now, that I’m over it, I’m not. I’ve been going through it for so very long, willingly choosing to suffer in silence because it’s the easiest for me even if it will ruin me in the end. It’s already ruining me and eating me from the inside. I’d rather dump all of this crap on here than even say it to the people who’re close to me, asking about it.

I’m burnt out, I’m tired. I wish to rest but I can’t.

Because I think I’m fucking a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve such.

I hope you’re doing better than me, degenerate anon. Sincerely so, you deserve it and thanks for even asking again despite the few interactions we’ve had through asks. You’re my favorite anon for sure.

But ahah, im doing fine lmfao.

#LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #lmfao #lol #XD even #I’m so silly #so fucking close to losing it #aren’t we all? lololololol #cringe #dumb post #mentions of wanting to fucking kill my self #oops i guess?#degenerate anon #asher in the flesh #delete this shit rn

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chokehoe · 21 days

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Very tired and I’ve heard that the art community over here is very cool and chill so have some gojo’s that I did a while ago for a challenge on twitter I have yet to finish. Tell me which one y’all like better because I can’t decide for the fucking life of me and it’s killing me. I feel like the one on the right is too bright but the line art on the left is so grainy ugh. Idk I’ve been struggling to draw lately & it’s been a real pain in my ass. Like I enjoy doing it but my brain or hands just feel dead and heavy when I try to go and do it. Also nothing turns out the way I want it to I feel like. It feels like an up hill battle sometimes anyways sorry for the vent I just know my posts don’t get a lot of traction on here so I felt comfortable doing so whoops. Anyways have an amazing day/night to who ever sees this!! Thanks for checking it out lol!

#jjk #jjk fanart #twitter challenge #fan art #small artist #it is what it is #idk what im doing #how do y’all make your pages look so nice?

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frecklystars · 11 months

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Im so sorry to hear what happened to you. You deserve to be happy and enjoy what you used to love. You deserve to be able to reclaim the things that became a trigger to you. Starscream would absolutely never hurt you- he cares about you and wants you to feel better. No matter how long it may take, he'll wait for you if/when you are ready to be with him again. Even if you can't, he truly wants you to be happy. He wants to see you smile and laugh and enjoy things without worry. I know it's tough to overcome something that feels like its been branded into your being, but everything heals with time. I wholeheartedly hope you can enjoy transformers again, and i sincerely believe that you will recover from this, no matter how long it takes. I'm just a random anon on tumblr, but i promise that there are more people like me who care for you. You deserve happiness.

Thank you anon. Thank you so much. I love how you worded all of this... I hope you don't mind I wanted to keep your ask in my inbox for a few days bc I wanted to go back and read it some more. I've been so heavily depressed since I've lost transformers. There's this heavy physical weight in my chest, like I've lost a part of myself ever since I lost these characters that are so deeply personal to me. It's one thing to lose a special interest when you have to depend on it to get through the day, but it's a whole new level to lose it due to trauma. This has never happened to me before, I didn't know it was possible for me to ever be afraid of Starscream. He has always felt like my soulmate, I felt like nothing could ever make me believe he'd love me any less for any reason, let alone the idea that he'd enjoy hurting me so violently. I will never be able to put into proper words how devastating this has felt for almost a year now, how horrifying it felt feeling them slip away from me one by one by one in the span of just 2 or 3 months, until finally Starscream was the last one that turned into a trigger in January. I feel like I'm trying to drag myself out of a deep dark pit and I can't find my way up to the surface. It has really been "branded into my being" as you put it, I was disrespected for so long, and having my F/Os turned into a trigger at the same time made me believe that they really would want me to be disrespected too, that they'd find me unworthy of love or kindness solely because of the person who treated me that way, and how much I had associated these characters with that person. It hurts so bad. I just want them back. I miss Starscream the most and I'd do anything to feel safe around him again, even if it is ever impossible for me to reclaim the others, Starscream means everything to me and losing him was like losing a piece of my own beating heart. I really believed we were soulmates (in self shipping terms) and I still want to believe that, despite how scared of him I feel on my worst days, and how much I cry missing him every day. Bee, Knockout, Arcee, Bulkhead, Megatron, everyone, all of them used to make me feel so comforted even when I felt like I couldn't go on anymore, now I don't have them to rely on when i need them the most and it's so fucking empty. It feels like someone ripped my heart out, now there's this whole vital piece of me that's missing.

(whoops I ended up rambling a lot so I'm putting the rest under a readmore, you don't have to read it if you don't want to. contains a bit of venting and some thank-you's for your very kind message and how your words have helped me feel comforted)

I feel so incomplete without my transformers F/Os to encourage me to keep going. Flinching and crying at so many of them feels so awful, and then there's those specific 5 or 6 characters that I can't even look at without having an anxiety attack, which feels so dumb every time I think about it. I know they're fictional, but they're so important to me, self shipping and escaping into fictional worlds has always been my coping mechanism. I never thought somebody could ruin that for me. I need to self ship, ever since I was little I have always needed a character to hold my hand through my worst times. I remember being three years old and my first self indulgent drawing was a scribbly crayon picture where Spongebob is holding my hand while we're jellyfishing and we're surrounded by heart-shaped jellyfish. And I remember I was crying while drawing it because I was so sad that my parents were always working and hardly ever talking to me. It's one of my earliest memories. It never got better. I was such a lonely kid growing up and now I am such a lonely adult and I've always needed F/O companionship. Having that torn away from me from so so so many tiny betrayals of one person, over and over again, it was hell to go through for so goddamn long and it's been hell to deal with the aftermath of it.

Thank you for the written reminder that they wouldn't hurt me. Honestly I cried a little reading that, not in a bad way or anything, I just. I need that reminder so often, probably every day. I don't know how to make it stick in my brain again. I don't know how to go back to the way I used to feel so wholly and unconditionally loved without anything holding me back. I want to believe that they wouldn't hurt me deep down, and I know that love is still in me somewhere. I know I can feel that love from him if I don't give up, I know something, anything can bring it back, I just can't figure out what. I don't know how much healing progress I'll have to do first, I don't know if I have to rewatch these shows and just push through the anxiety attacks or something, I don't know if I need to simply not rewatch these shows until the ptsd is easier to deal with, I don't know if I just need to cry and grieve when they're on the screen and let those feelings pass through me, I don't know if I need to draw myself with a transformer every day, I don't know if I have to avoid drawing them entirely. I don't know. I am so lost here. I was in such a bad predicament for almost a full year so I know it's going to take me a long time to recover from it, as much as I wish I could just heal overnight. I didn't escape my abusive situation until a month and a half ago, so now I'm really starting to process what happened to me.

She has a lot of friends/followers who are trying to attack me, which is another layer of stupidity to deal with, I hear she's writing rumors about me and tagging me, I don't know how true that is because I am not looking it up. I don't want to even know these things in general, I don't care what she posts about me, it's her blog and her way of coping I guess, but I just want her to never speak to me again. Or her followers, I want her supporters to leave me alone, none of this is even their business. Some of her friends are apparently writing posts about me where they want me to "get assaulted and killed" (???) which I obviously haven't looked up, I'm just blocking the usernames that my friends are telling me to block. I'm just trying to heal from all the shit I endured. I want to heal. I just try to remember the handful of particular messages I got from people who said "hey that person abused me too, you're not alone, she ruined transformers for me at one point too, you're not alone and you're not going crazy just because other people are excusing her actions. just because she's struggling does not mean she gets to hurt others" and I try to remember I have almost four hundred supportive messages in my inbox and dms right now, all of you telling me that i can do this, that I never lost my love from my F/Os, they are still with me even if I can't feel it *for now*. The harassment from others is like tiny crumbs, so miniscule compared to the love I am receiving. I'm trying to focus on the encouragement and love thrown my way, but on my rough days like today, everything just feels so heavy. I can't carry this grief on my own. I was isolated for so long. I have never felt this bad before. I really really really need help, I can't do this by myself anymore...

God. It feels so impossible to reclaim my love from these characters when it hurts so bad. I feel so fucking hopeless. My damage done to me was so severe I'm so scared I can't possibly be myself again. But I have no choice but to try, what else can I do?? I can't let it end this way, I just can't, I love them so much and they saved my life for three years, I can't just drop them. It's so unfair that I have to go through this at all, I didn't deserve what happened to me. I will get them back if it takes me days or weeks or months or years. It's been almost half a year since these triggers formed, I'm ready to try to reclaim a few of them now bc I hate living like this. but it's so fucking hard some days especially with the niche triggers that aren't TF related. Like today I'm fine with 1 trigger but I'm hurting at 9 others. Tomorrow I might be fine with all of them except for 2. I don't know. And transformers... that always hurts in some way, not necessarily anxiety inducing as badly as it did 6 months ago, but now I'm always crying when I see them, I'm always feeling this missing piece of myself hollow in my chest when I look at these comfort characters. I miss them so much. I miss Starscream so much. I miss Megatron. I miss Bumblebee. I miss Heatwave. I miss like 50 billion of them. I miss listening to my ship playlists, there's very few songs that don't remind me of them, so not being able to listen to music is rly harmful for me too. I miss myself. I haven't been myself in so long. I have no clue who I am right now. I haven't been inside of my body in a few days either. I am so numb.

I probably should have kept your message in my inbox a little longer, seems like I still need it ^^;; but I'll just go back and read it again when I click my anon tag.

Thank you for sending this. Everything you said is extremely comforting to me. Please know that it's because of messages like yours that I am able to gather a small bit of strength to get back up every time I am knocked down.

I am relieved you think I can recover, I am relieved to hear that you believe in me, because I am not strong enough to believe in myself just yet. You're not just "a random anon on tumblr" as you said, to me you're a sweet person somewhere in this world who sent me kind words when you knew I needed them. Thank you. ❤

#keepsake #anonymous #asks #sorry my response is so long

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northrnsky · 1 year

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@pevlusie asked " what else was i supposed to do ? "

Peter bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, trying to maintain his temper; it was easier said than done now that the adrenaline of the battle was leaving him. He had never understood the phrase dead on your feet until right now, with his head swimming and his armour, once so light-weight, feeling like a hundred pounds on his shoulders. He had removed his helm and his hair was pasted to his forehead. Now that they had confirmed that Ed was going to be okay and he had been led off to the medic tent, accompanied by a concerned Susan, he was finally able to vent at least a little bit of his frustration.

"Do you have any idea how scared I was when I woke up and found the two of you gone?" He began to unbuckle his armour piece by piece, vambraces dropping to the grass with a heavy thud. The ground shuddered beneath their feet as a whole troop of centaurs rode by, whooping with triumph, but Peter didn't feel very triumphant, only exhausted, the wound in his arm stinging and still half-heartedly leaking blood. "I'm grateful that you and Su brought Aslan to our assistance. We would've died without you. But for God's sake, Lu, couldn't you have left a note?"

#( ft. int )#( ft. lucy | pevlusie )#set just after the last battle with jadis maybe? honestly i need to brush up on my canon but

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arttrampbelle · 10 months

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Vent ahead long txt

My personal thoughts lately on the new mk "1" mk new game.

*sigh* i have never been so disappointed in my life

If anyone remotely think mk1/11.5/12. Whatever that fucking thing wants to call itself. The new mk game.

If anyone remotely thinks its gonna be good.

.....

They aren't a mortal kombat fan.

They don't have any standards.

They are blind and are consumers of hype.

They probably are a fucking reddit guy.

They don't care about the integrity of the lore,story,characters,and 30 fucking years of the series trying to get it right (but failing to do so because of greed and the incompetence of higher ups/boon)

They legit are new to this shit and dont listen to older fans when we say "THIS IS BAD,DO NOT FUCKING WASTE YOUR MONEY!"

Like if people are saying 11 was better. And that wasn't even by much. Thats how you know your game sucks.

Because despite my gripes with 11. At least the characters dont look like cookie cut outs. And at least the game has replayability. Ignore the pre battle dialogue and a majority of the storymode outside of aftermath. (And some things within because oof)

Then 11 isn't that bad. Trim the gristle and you're good.

But mk "1" ?! Nah fuck that.

Oh yeah and btw boon

YOUR NEW LIU KANG SUCK ASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

🖕🏻💯

Not my liu kang. Because my liu kang aint stupid to fuck things up eith god powers nor take or keep god powers.

I could go on.

Milly? Yeah making her half tarkatan side a "disease"?! Yeah totally not low key racist.

Making raiden a poor helpless waif, you need to have bitch god liu kang "save" ? Yeah totally not a fucking savior complex n bias as shit there boon. Yeah doing a switcheroo isn't gonna make us like the game nor your mary sue liu kang either boon.

The crimes,absolute crimes against sub zero n scorpion?! NEED I FUCKING SAY MORE?!

Oh but kenshi is back n johnny has a van damne skin. Oooo big whoop. Like kenshi is cool but he's not that important. And giving us a skin alt costume is not enough.

You cant switch off this dumb gimmick of kameos and tag assists. You have characters be not balanced at all. Like you have supposedly a pre order for shang.....

But ive yet to see gameplay nor a thing for him. He already looks ass af. Downgraded af from what we got in 11 by a fucking looooong shot.

Shang tsung looks like a wish brand knock off dollar store lo pan. And im sorry. That's not shang tsung. Especially if you so called to hype him up to be a big bad. Its pathetic and laughable.

Especially when we got such a fucking boss ass,shang tsung. MODELED AND VOICED BY THE MYTH,THE MAN,THE LEGEND HIMSELF CARY HIROYUKI TAGAWA!!!!

You seriously gonna downgrade shang tsung for ....that fortnite looking shang tsung?!!!

Come on man!

Like shippers aside. I feel everyone (cept a few gum in their ears people) here can agree. Mk "1" is gonna suck.

And i hope it burns. And i hope people trash it. Im here for it.

Idgaf. I feel it neeeeed heavy heavy heavy backlash.

Boycott it if you need.

I love mortal kombat. I love its characters n ACTUAL lore too much to see it being treated like this.

So if it needs to die to be reborn

So be it.

Ok end vent.

#mk1 is gonna suck and they aint never gonna make a good game ever #vent #mortal kombat

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coyotescribbles · 1 year

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Whoops, felt like inflicting a little pain on somebody. Cor drew the short straw.

----------

All around them, the world burns.

Her sidearms are running hot, and her soot-clogged vents aren't cooling her systems off anymore, but she can't let up. Not now, not while civilians are still boarding the last evac shuttle. Not when Decepticons are closing in on what remains of the battered spaceport.

The other defenders have either fallen, or been dragged aboard the shuttle after being too badly injured to keep fighting.

Only she and Umbra remain standing, the last fragile line of defense.

"Last of the stragglers moving in now," his voice comes over the comm, steady and unshakable as always. She raises a hand in acknowledgement, then steps forward to gesture for the civilians to hurry.

"SHUTTLE'S READY TO GO, HURRY IT UP!" She bellows over the thunder of heavy artillery and the roar of engines. "MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!"

The civvies are hightailing it across the spur, with Vehicons hot on their tails.

One doesn't make it.

Neither does the Vehicon trooper who shot them down.

Another resounding BOOM makes her audials crackle, and the squat docking spire rocks menacingly; the spur shudders beneath their pedes and the shuttle begins to drift away even as the remaining civvies leap aboard.

She and Umbra exchange a look.

"You need to get on that shuttle."

"Frag that," she replies, picking off more Vehicons. "I'm not going anywhere without you!"

"Corona, you need to get on that shuttle."

"I am not leaving you behind!"

Plasma scores the shuttle's hull; it's fully decoupled from the spur now, and starting to turn. The Vehicons fall under the pair's relentless defense, but they don't fall fast enough.

"Corona, GO."

"NO. Either we go together, or not at all!"

There's a pause, a silence on the comm, and then his talons are digging into her shoulder. Ignoring her protests, Umbra hauls her to the end of the spur, looks her in the optics, and lifts her off her pedes.

"I'll find you again, I swear it."

"Umbra-"

"I love you, Cor."

"Don't-!"

She tries to keep her grip on his arm, but in the next moment the world whirls around her and she's flying. Then, in another split-second, she hits the end of the boarding ramp with a painful crash.

For an agonizingly long moment, she's hanging half out of the shuttle, unable to use her injured arm to pull herself up. She half-considers letting go, until a group of survivors reach out to drag her in.

The last thing she sees from the outside is the spur being overrun. Of Umbra being overrun.

Then the boarding ramp clangs shut, the sound lost beneath her own anguished howling.

-----

She was still screaming when she lurched awake in the Pole Star's small, dark hold. It took her a moment to register her whereabouts, and another few moments to be able to do anything but stare up into the yawning pitch black, her venting loud and harsh in her audials.

With a shudder, she sat up in the cot, swung her legs over the side and doubled over to bury her face in her hands, just as the first wave ragged venting overtook her. Lens cleanser blurred her vision as the overflow overwhelmed the ducts, and a thin, strangled keen rose up in her throat. She felt like she might purge her fuel tank.

Her shoulder, long healed, began to hurt again.

But it paled in comparison to the pain in her spark.

#Transformers #Transformers Prime #fanfic #Transformers OCs #Corona #Umbra #maccadam

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willows-woes · 1 year

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accidently reblogged a xenogender to my heavy venting sideblog instead of the silly gender collecting one. whoops.

#wouldve been more awkward to my nonexistant followers if i reblogged a post about how i want to kms to my xenogender blog 💀

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pokegalla · 2 years

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Bird Season

A concept idea of what I planned for Dreamswap in my story. Inspired by @krazykumiii and their headcanons.

Chrom is Cross, Richard is Ink, Flare is Error, Robin is Nightmare, and Phoenix is Dream (all from Dreamswap). Enjoy!

“Huh?!”

Robin nodded, “It seems your friend got kidnapped….”

Noelle looked upset, “They took Bunny…?”

Everyone else however was a bit more concerned about something else. They look back to see that I still haven’t said anything the entire time. When I suddenly stood up, Kris stood beside me.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” They said.

“Our friend is being held captive! She’s like my little sister! Why the hell would you expect me to stick around on my ass when I can just go and get her,” I exclaimed.

Flare spoke up, “Not a good idea. The Justice Reign are a serious group that is led by Robin’s brother and-“

“I don’t give a FUCK Flare! Listen I know there are some AUs I would never wanna mess with and some of them are the alternative versions of Dream as well. BUT. He fucked with ME. SO! We gotta problem. And I’ll be DAMNED if you gonna make me sit around twiddling my thumbs when I can go whoop yo bro’s ass. Ok? Ok I’m going,” I vented out before opening a portal and heading into the Justice Reign’s castle.

“….is you’re friend always like this,” Robin asked.

“Only when she’s lost her patience and ready to kick ass,” Susie said with a wide and smug grin.

Chrom laughed, “Nah I gotta see this.” Everyone ended up following right after me.

Bunny sat uncomfortably in a chair as she looked around the room. Phoenix was doing his paperwork and ignoring her. The silence and awkwardness was killing Bunny but there wasn’t much else to do but sit there. She COULD escape….if it wasn’t for Richard glaring daggers at the back of her neck. She’s starting to miss the original Ink now….

Suddenly a guard came rushing into the office, “Your highness! A mad lady has wrecked havoc in the training yard! S-She’s a lunatic! Thankfully no one is hurt but she requests your audience.”

Phoenix groaned, “I see….Richard. Go and meet her instead. This could very well be a trick. I will stay here and guard the captive.”

Richard nodded, “Understood.”

They immediately rushed to the area while Phoenix stayed hidden after tying a cloth around Bunny’s mouth. Upon entering the room, I sighed heavily.

“Thank god the others came along….they’ll keep them busy until I get-,” I stopped noticing Bunny was tied to a chair, “Bunny! Oh thank god you’re ok. Still what the hell….tying you up?! These guys are such jerks!”

I began to untie her, not knowing Phoenix was still in the room. He stealthy came out of his hiding spot land summoned his claymore. I finally got to Bunny’s makeshift gag and-

“BEHIND YOU-,” She screamed as soon as I removed the cloth.

I quickly summoned my crowbar and swung back, last minute colliding with the claymore. Our eyes met….my eyes glowing in colors of the galaxy and shaped like a dragon’s making Phoenix drop his guard as he stared in awe and shock. I managed to push him back, making him bump into his desk. I finished untying Bunny.

“Get out of here! I’ll hold him off for now,” I shouted, “And don’t start talking shit just go!” Bunny flipped me off but did as I told her.

Phoenix raised his claymore yet again, “You can use magic….I see. You are more formidable then I thought.”

I sat up, “Dude I don’t know WHAT your problem is with me but you don’t EVER get my family involved! If I’m the problem, then deal with ME. Don’t use cheap tricks to bait me here!”

“But it worked didn’t it? The problem is that you created The Core Virus, Virisity, and the viruses and created chaos among the other AUs. You caused too much negativity and problems,” He took a couple of swings and I did my best to dodge them, “You have caused my team and my people so much stress and I must put an end to this!” Jeez for a guy swinging a heavy sword, he’s fast as hell!

“And you’re acting on this now?! I’ve already been amending my mistakes and we have been through so much and I am NOT letting a dumb golden pigeon ruin our hard work and hurt us,” I shouted back, “LEAVE. US. ALONE!!!” I finally managed to knock his sword out of his hand.

We both stared at each other then back at the sword….then we both dashed to grab it. I tried to lunge for it but Phoenix grabbed me. I flailed around and successfully escaped his grip, only to be pinned against the wall. I looked up at him with a huff and readied my crowbar to knock him upside the head but he grabbed the crowbar and threw it away.

“LET GO,” I shouted.

“No I don’t think I will. Not until you behave,” Phoenix said looking very done with my shit.

I stuck my tongue at him, “Can’t keep up old man?”

He surprised me with a smirk, “Says the one who’s trapped beneath me.” I tried to push him off but his wings instinctively wrapped around me, trapping me further.

“What are you planning you damn pigeon….,” I said glaring up at him.

“….perhaps we can work something out. As I said, you are more formidable then I thought and you further proved this point. No one’s ever unarmed me before….especially a human,” Phoenix explained while leaning closer, “I promise to provide protection and shelter for you and your team. As long as you do as I say. What do you say?”

“….let me talk with my friends first,” I said, “We’ll come back with our answer right after.” I thought he wasn’t going to allow it….but he surprisingly backed away and went back to his desk.

“I will let you all go….but only this once. I expect a reply as soon as possible. Until then,” Was all he said before continuing his work from before. I left completely confused at the interaction but shook it off as I ran to meet up with the others before he decided to change his mind. Phoenix smiled when I left.

“What an interesting human….,” His mind wandered to how I fought and how determined I looked. He was hoping I’d come back….maybe by then he’ll figure out why his soul is still beating so fast….

Bonus:

Same energy on how I was talking to Flare earlier-

#my writing #self insert #funny #undertale au #ds nightmare #ds cross #DS Dream x self insert #enemies to lovers #humor #fluff #love at first fight #ds error #DS ink #original character #susie deltarune #kris deltarune #noelle deltarune

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