#this is noteworthy because he scares the shit out of me ALL THE TIME

[obsidiannebula]

Need everyone to know that only moments ago my beloved husband of three years theatrically rejected my hug demands in the hallway, and then not ten seconds later texted me "come hug ho" in order to lure me into the unlit room where he was lurking behind the door in an attempt to scare me. Horrible gremlin of a man. I will be keeping him

#husband tag #he FAILED by the way #i noticed the door was more open than usual #and noticed an unusual blobby shape to the darkness behind the door in my peripheral vision #i was on my guard and was not taken by surprise #this is noteworthy because he scares the shit out of me ALL THE TIME #i am very jumpy and easily get too focused on what im doing to notice my surroundings #ALSO because im so naturally anxious i tend to notice too many sounds so ive started dismissing most potentially scary sounds #bc they basically are never actually a threat. except when theyre HIM #also i mishear innocuous noises a lot and my brain thinks theyre people or dangers or coming from someplace they arent #anyway brain bad which makes it easy for my husband to startle me on purpose because he is a STINKY BASTARD MAN

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Eleven

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: first chapter after acosf!! im sorry for how short this one is, but acosf wrecked me and writing this put me back together. i hope it does something similar for you ❤️

***

“You say you’ve been doing better lately?”

The therapist’s office is plain, a little gloomy, but big windows overlook the center of town that make Nesta feel less suffocated.

She nods, “Yeah.”

“How would you describe ‘better’?” Dr. Bond— Lana, she insists on being called— has been endlessly patient with Nesta’s non-answers so far. Nesta almost feels bad and decides to throw the woman a rope.

“I’m not alone anymore,” she says. “I used to be alone all the time, but now I have friends, sort of… and a boyfriend.” She still loves that word. It’s never tasted so exciting before.

“You were always alone before this, then? Or were there just people that you didn’t consider noteworthy?”

A scowl rises to Nesta’s mouth. Damn, she works quick. “I was raised with two sisters in a one-bedroom apartment. I never got to be alone, but then I grew up, and…” Her mind wants to skip over the time she spent in college. “For the last couple of years, I holed up in my own place. Never wanted to talk to anybody or see them. If people took an interest in me, I shut them down because I didn’t have an interest in them.”

“You missed a few years,” Lana notes.

“What?”

“You’re twenty-four, and you moved out at eighteen. Where were you before getting your own place?”

Numbness seeps through Nesta at the question. She knows she can ask Lana to change the topic, but that will only bring it back later. “I had a boyfriend in college,” she says flatly. “I lived with him for a few years, but like you said, it isn’t noteworthy.”

“As a fellow lone wolf, I disagree.” Lana’s clinical polite face is unchanging. “Any person who you trust enough to let into your life is noteworthy.”

Nesta says nothing.

“I’m interested in these people you’ve chosen to trust,” her therapist continues after a beat of silence. “Why don’t we start with whoever you trust most?”

Nesta snorts. This she can talk about.

“His name is Cassian. I’ve been living with him ever since my apartment got flooded a couple of months ago, and he’s always been a good friend to me.” She sits there, thinking about what else to say. “I think I like him more than I’ve ever liked anybody.”

“This is the new boyfriend?”

Nesta nods.

“Do you compare him to the old one?”

Nesta doesn’t know what this lady’s angle is, but she answers carefully, “I used to. Back when I first moved in. I haven’t done it in a long time, though.”

“Why not?”

The answer is simple. “There’s no need to. He’s not comparable to anybody.”

“Is that why you opened up to him after two years of self-imposed isolation?”

Nesta looks away. “It wasn’t isolation,” she defends. “It’s just… after a lifetime of being subjected to the gaze of strangers, I wanted to hide. I liked hiding.” Mostly.

“What does that mean, the gaze of strangers?”

Question after cool question, this one. Nesta struggles to find a proper answer.

“You know how,” she starts slowly, “as soon as you start school, you’re placed into this bubble with a bunch of people who don’t know you and have no reason to care about you? There’s a shift in how you view people, and how people view you. And I thought I could leave it behind once I graduated high school, but it followed me to college and to parties and into everyday interactions.”

“What is it?”

“It’s this—” Nesta waves her hands, “judgment. It’s that thing you do as soon as you meet someone, and you try to determine whether they’re worth your time or not. Whether they’re above or below you in this made-up social hierarchy in your head.”

“Explain that more,” Lana says.

“We want to hang around people we find cool. And when we meet someone new, we inspect them, look them up and down, to see if they fit our definition of cool. We take them apart. Everyone does it, even you. And with me,” she shrugs, “I’m pretty, I wear the right clothes, I do my makeup. So at first glance, people think, ‘Oh, I can see myself getting to know her better. I can see myself liking her.’ But then they take a closer look at me, and it’s like…” Her fingers flutter in the air, trying to support her thoughts. “I can see their minds changing. ‘Nevermind, I was wrong. Nevermind, there’s something off with her. She’s a little quiet, a little weird, a little bitchy.’”

Lana narrows her eyes. “And Cassian doesn’t look at you like that?”

Nesta looks away. “He doesn’t look at anyone like that.”

It’s what used to make her so uncomfortable about him. She was incapable of fathoming his honesty, his genuineness, his kindness. She thought he was even weirder than her for it— she placed him beneath her on her social hierarchy for it.

Lana frowns thoughtfully. “And now you two live together?”

Nesta nods, then shrugs. “For the next twenty-four hours, we do. He’s helping me move back into my old place.”

Because that was another conversation she and Cassian had on Thanksgiving night. It was a long time coming, but also the perfect time.

“You’re saying your apartment has been ready for weeks? Why are you just telling me now?”

Nesta pillowed her face on his chest, not as upset at revealing the news as she would have been some days ago. “Because I was scared that if I moved out, I would lose my friendship with you.”

“That never would have happened—”

“We wouldn’t see each other every day anymore. Even if we didn’t go back to being complete strangers, the closeness would be lost.”

“You must not know me, then. I would’ve texted you every fucking hour. You’d never hear the end of me.”

“I couldn’t guarantee that back then.” She looked up at him through her lashes. “I can now.” She crawled higher up his body, lowering her voice to a secretive pitch. “Want to know why?”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because you’re mine now. And that’s what I was waiting for while I made Lorene hold that shitty empty apartment for me. I was waiting for a catalyst, a revelation.” She pressed a kiss to his sternum. “And I most definitely got it.” The pleasant ache between her legs was proof enough. “Also,” she added, “it would be weird if you lived with your girlfriend before even having a first date with her.”

Cassian huffed a laugh. “You have a point there. We have been moving backwards, haven’t we?”

Nesta nodded into his skin.

He got a little quiet. “Still,” he said after a moment. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll see me every day. I’ll be fifteen minutes away.”

“I’ll still miss you.”

“I know.”

“What does talking about guys have to do with my therapy?” Nesta squirms, getting restless with the topic.

“Lots of things,” Lana says, putting down her notepad. “It gets you comfortable with expressing your feelings to me, and it teaches me about how you view the world. Besides, therapy isn’t just a rehashing of past traumas, you know. We can talk about whatever you want here, especially if it makes you feel good.”

“Well, I want to talk about something else.” She’s not spending this much money by the hour just to talk about how much she likes Cassian— she can go to Cassian for that for free.

“Like what?” Lana asks smoothly.

She’s offering an opening, finally, to the real reason that Nesta’s here.

Nesta pulls at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, wondering where to start. “I feel like I’ve been growing up lately,” she says carefully. “I have all these new people in my life to be responsible for, and I’m— I want to do it right. But I’m worried I won’t have room for new things until I pack up some of my old shit, so that’s why I’m here, I guess. I don’t want to hold on to all of my old shit anymore.”

At Lana’s encouraging silence, she continues, “I spent my whole life stuck in a suffocating town, and as soon as I left, I got stuck in a relationship. By the time I knew what freedom felt like, I— I’d been left behind. Everyone I knew was moving onto bigger things and all I had was this shitbag of a past. So I got a new place and started law school and called it a fresh start, but now I’m here and I’m not sure if I ever got better.”

She takes a sharp breath after everything that’s spilled.

Lana purses her lips, letting the room absorb Nesta’s words. After a long moment, she says, “Just because bad things stop happening to someone, doesn’t mean they instantly get better. It’s a good thing that you’re recognizing that before stepping into new relationships, Nesta.”

Lana glances at the clock on the wall. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, but this was a productive first session.” She offers a small smile. “Same time next week?” She says it as if it isn’t already a done deal.

Nesta nods gratefully anyway, unable to say anything else. As soon as she’s out the door, a pent-up sigh escapes her. That wasn’t so bad.

***

Later that night, Nesta doesn’t miss Cassian’s wistful stare as he takes down the painting he got her from the fall festival. Nor does she miss how slowly he packs it away.

Once the bedroom she made her home is as sparse as the day she moved in, all her things packed away neatly in boxes, Nesta wraps her arms around Cassian and pulls him to the bed. There, she lets him hold her close, their breaths and limbs intertwining as they lie in thoughtful silence.

“I can’t believe I’ll never see this room again,” Nesta says quietly.

Cassian’s eyes widen in alarm. “What do you mean, never again?”

“I’ll be staying in your room whenever I visit, remember?” Her underwear already occupies a drawer in his closet.

Cassian visibly relaxes when he remembers, then smiles. “Right. Of course.”

She lets herself sink deeper into his embrace. “I just realized you’ve never seen my apartment before.” He was waiting at the front door of Lorene’s place while Nesta collected her things all those weeks ago, but she cringes at the thought of him visiting now. The clear wealth gap between her and Cassian doesn’t usually show, but it’ll be undeniable with the cramped room she calls an apartment. “Maybe it’s best if I move back in without your help. There might not even be space there for your huge body.”

“Sounds more appealing by the minute.” He’s not joking. He tilts up Nesta’s chin so she’s forced to meet his eyes. “I can’t wait to start partaking in your life the way you took over mine. Spending nights at your place, meeting your friends, riding in your car instead of mine.”

Nesta swallows.

“I’m gonna miss you like hell, but it’ll be for the best.”

He’s right: this is what’s best for their budding relationship right now. Moving out, creating even a little bit of distance— all of it is so they can finally learn each other as lovers instead of roommates. So when they do come back together, which Nesta firmly believes they will, it’ll be stronger than ever before.

Some of their shared sadness flits away at the truth of it. She only places her hand on his cheek, content to appreciate this view— this beautiful, hazel-shaded view— without further chitchat or goodbyes.

Cassian is not as fond of the silence. “I need to tell you something,” he says seriously after a few minutes.

After only a handful of days dating Cassian, Nesta knows what he’s going to say. “Don’t,” she warns, unamused.

He grins conspiratorially and leans in even closer, until their mouths are almost brushing. “You’re my everything, Nesta.”

“Oh my god, stop it.” She squirms out of his hold and gets up, tossing the blankets off herself.

“No, come back!” He makes a grab for her sleeve. “We have to use the bed one last time—”

But she’s already running off.

***

Cassian carefully arranges the canvas painting on the wall, taking a step back to determine if it’s hanging straight. The ruby and amber leaves of the landscape stand out against the dull teal walls of Nesta’s basement apartment, but he’s just getting started.

The rest of Nesta’s things are half-unpacked from their cardboard boxes, but instead of going for the important shit first, he finds the box he specifically marked FAVES in bold letters the night before.

While Nesta wrangles to get her clothes back into her old closet in the background, Cassian crouches and rips open the small box. There, lying atop his girlfriend’s favorite trinkets and personal items, is the framed photo he snuck in without her noticing.

It’s of the two of them at the fall festival, taken mere hours before their first kiss. Nesta is pressed up close to Cassian (her excuse being that it was cold), and a genuine light fills her eyes, one that Cassian never thought he’d be able to capture on camera. Cassian himself isn’t looking at the camera, but down at Nesta with wind-flushed cheeks and a distant smile. Making sure she’s having a good time, that she truly wants to be there with him in that moment.

He never realized how close they looked in that picture until he had it printed and framed, not long after Nesta announced she was moving out. He can’t believe he didn’t see it sooner.

Standing up, he places the photo on Nesta’s wooden dresser. Nesta still has her head in the closet, moving things around, but Cassian makes no announcement of his gift to her. She’ll notice it sooner or later.

He clears his throat. “Wanna take a break and order Chinese?”

Nesta pops her head out of the closet, her ponytail ruffled and eyes narrowed at him. “Have you even been helping this whole time?”

“Standing here and looking pretty is harder than it seems, but I don’t expect any credit from you,” he jokes. “Just let me buy you lunch.”

Nesta grumbles something he chooses not to hear, but straightens up and rubs her spine with a wince. “I need a fucking chiropractor,” she mutters.

Guilt shoots through Cassian at that small wince, and he resolves to finish organizing Nesta’s closet for her before the day is over. Nesta goes on, “So? Still determined to split your time between here and the cabin?” She gestures to the apartment with an arm.

It’s really just a glorified single room, with a rusty kitchenette in the corner, a hallway near the stairs that holds the bathroom, and Nesta’s bed pushed against one wall. It’s nothing special, but Cassian loves it. Mostly because he can already envision each new nook and cranny to take Nesta against, and how he wants to wake up in that too-small bed on days that he’s too lazy to drive home.

“It’s perfect,” he says simply. Thank you for sharing your home with me, is what he really means. Speaking of homes—

Cassian digs around in his pocket, finding and pulling out a newly-minted silver key. “I almost forgot to give you this.”

Nesta frowns, coming forward to take the key from him. He uses the closeness as an excuse to wrap his arms around her waist while she inspects the object.

She glances up at him, eyes softer than they were a moment ago, lips slightly parted. “You’re giving me a key to the cabin?”

He shrugs casually. “You should’ve gotten one a long time ago.” She used either Cassian’s key or the spare while she lived there.

Her mouth is still open, and she closes it once, twice, before finally saying, “I don’t have a key to my place for you.”

“But I can get one,” she adds quickly. “If you want it, that is.”

Of course he wants it, but he keeps his face carefully neutral. “Only if you want me to have one. We’re still new, and this is your personal space.” He emphasizes your.

Nesta purses her lips, then says, “I’ll think about it.”

Cassian’s shoulders slump in relief— relief that Nesta is being honest with him instead of doing something she isn’t yet ready for. He’ll take her honesty over an apartment key any day.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he smiles brightly and shoves her toward the bed. “If we’re getting dumplings again then you can’t steal mine.”

***

a/n: fair warning that ive never been to therapy, but in stories therapists are usually a mode for character exploration and development, which is what nesta's therapy will be for.

also im so glad i got to meet gwyn in acosf and im so excited to introduce her into this fic too!! if you have ideas for her origin story feel free to share because nothing is planned yet

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @swankii-art-teacher

#a favor #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #nessian fic #ncssianwrites

[loudest-subtext-in-tv]

Something I know no one will ever contend with when they just want to write a hit piece about us, but...

When Moffat said on the A Scandal in Belgravia commentary, “If you watch the show carefully, there’s subtext about John’s drinking,” what did he mean? He wasn’t being flippant, he’s said one of his favorite writers is William Goldman and writers should study him because he “knows everything.” Goldman’s Ten Commandments on Writing say to “put a subtext under every text” and not to be too on the nose. 

So what is the “real” subtext to why John drinks, and why does John drink when he’s alone with Sherlock and trying to get him to open up, or otherwise thinking about Sherlock? If the subtext is not about John’s relationship with Sherlock, then like... who else is in the room in those scenes, what’s going on, who is John actually thinking about, and why is it so important to the story that Moffat would include it? What storyline does the subtext of John’s drinking pertain to? It must be pretty big to not have been revealed yet, so it shouldn’t be hard to make a case for.

Similarly: When Moffat and Gatiss say that The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, a movie noteworthy for depicting Holmes as a homosexual in love with Watson, is the inspiration for their adaptation, what do people imagine they adapted from it? Because it wasn’t the characterization, they don’t much resemble the BBC Sherlock characterizations. Barely any plot points were borrowed, and minor ones at that. Why did they pick the big overtly gay adaptation for the basis of their show from a hundred straight alternatives? Why did Gatiss say the thing he liked about it was that Holmes was in love with Watson?

I mean, I know people who hate us will never actually watch it, but the movie is not subtle. The movie isn’t a bunch of gay gags, the movie makes very clear that Holmes is genuinely homosexual and in love with Watson in a deeply painful way that queer people can recognize and relate to, and the same vibe is heavy in series 3 especially. For example, the endings of TSoT and HLV are not gay gags, they are things that happened in the plot and were not presented as remotely funny.

There are two reasonable perspectives on this:

1) It is not especially weird for people who pay attention to what the writers have said about their stories to think all the gay stuff is intentional, and its not weird to have fun chasing down things the writers have taken care to talk about. That’s what fans do, they try to predict where stories are going. No one made hit pieces ridiculing Jon and Daeneyrs shippers because they recognized what the foreshadowing in Game of Thrones was saying, and they were basing it off almost nothing compared to what the showrunners of Sherlock have said and taken care to include in the plot and subtext. People write hit pieces about us because they deeply believe it’s stupid for queer people to think a gay romance could be depicted, we had the misfortune of having a sense of humor about ourselves (calling it a “conspiracy” and ourselves a “cult”), and were enthusiastic about the show and writers whose fandom we’re a part of.

2) The gay stuff is intentional, but all a big joke despite appearances to the contrary. Most of the antis even argued that the gay stuff was intentional, they just thought it was to fuck with people or be provocative. Some of them were even dreading S4, including while it was airing, because they thought we were going to be proven right and we’d be insufferable. If people who hated us worried we could be right, then how delusional could we be?

I can understand someone thinking it all being a big joke is more likely than a TV show depicting a gay romance, but it does not follow that people deserve to be an object of public ridicule because they recognized a bunch of queer allusions and painful queer life experiences that resonated with them and considered that the writers, one of whom is queer and unabashedly obsessed with the works in question, may have positive motives for including those things. It feels like punishing people for doing their due diligence of actually researching the writers’ feelings about things and their influences, rather than just piling on and calling them homophobes. I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s opinions if that’s how they feel about Moffat and Gatiss nowadays, I’m just saying it’s not some shameful thing for people to actually investigate these things and conclude differently. It’s okay to think writers are talented and clever, and their fandom should be a place where it’s okay to explore that.

What makes me most sad about this is that there is genuinely no area of life where people can just play around anymore without being hunted down. Like, politics is fucking miserable, the pandemic is miserable, I just had a friend kill himself a few months ago because of how bad life is lately, a close relative who I never thought would have suicidal ideation has it now, I have been fighting wanting to die for years, in the U.S. none of us have any idea if we’re ever getting any sort of pandemic stimulus again -- so many of us are suffering immensely right now, it should be okay to be goofy and creative in a fandom without someone deciding its their prerogative to profit off us because they think we’re weird, or whatever. 

The reason there’s a lot of crazy meta analysis is because this was supposed to be a relatively safe, creative place where people can try their hand at analyzing stories without being graded or made to feel inadequate, so we treat metas a lot like fanfics where it’s not really appropriate to just rip people’s shit apart no matter how illogical it is, and we find things we like about analysis we don’t agree with in that same spirit: it’s a cool idea anyway, it’s artistically inspiring, it got close to a more compelling idea, etc. I have a big packet of fan mails where several people told me they had been scared and self-conscious to share their thoughts on things, and TJLC helped them open up and inspired them to major in literary or film-related majors. People start somewhere and it’s cruel to make fun of them because they weren’t great at something that doesn’t fucking matter. 

FANDOM IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A SUPER SERIOUS SPACE. NO ONE PUTS ON A TUXEDO BEFORE THEY LOG IN TO TUMBLR. NO ONE NEEDS SOME OUTSIDER TAKING THE THINGS THEY OFFERED IN THE SPIRIT OF FUN OUT OF CONTEXT TO PRESENT TO A WIDER AUDIENCE THEY DELIBERATELY AVOID BECAUSE THAT AUDIENCE IS MEAN AND SENDS THEM DEATH THREATS AND HOMOPHOBIC AND MISOGYNISTIC SLURS AND SUICIDE ADVICE. IT IS ACTUALLY NOT AN ENORMOUS CHARACTER FAILING TO SHARE BAD ANALYSES OF A TV SHOW, AND SHOULD NOT BE A MATTER OF NATIONAL INTEREST. 

But places where people can open up and try things out increasingly can’t exist anymore, because even in a low stakes environment like a fandom there are busybody ghouls who want to profit off being condescending about how people spend their leisure time. It doesn’t add anything to the world except their bank accounts.

#tjlc #Sarah Z

[bedbellyandbeyond]

The Other Therianthrope

(Story Post)

Reid took care of Nathan, making sure he got some new clothes and a proper check up. Once again, he was perfectly healthy, with the same wolf features he ever had. This time however, his transformation had been caught on surveillance camera so the doctor made a request to get the footage for review. He did want to see the transformation firsthand at some point but he didn't want to try to force Nathan into anything, especially if it meant provoking him. He planned to look over the footage with Dr. Aias and then get back to Nathan if he found anything noteworthy. Nathan did however request for Reid to be present for the rest of the meeting with Camilo and Korsgaard. He felt well enough to finish their discussion after having lunch in the cafeteria so Camilo arranged to meet again in the afternoon. Korsgaard's office wasn't very big and cramming five people into it at once was really pushing it, so they found a free meeting room to congregate in and give everyone some breathing room. Reid was last to join them after he finished an appointment with another patient, but he got in before they really started up and sat himself beside Nathan and Dax.

Nathan got right to the point as soon as he felt ready. “If Kent's really alive, where is he? Texas?” Korsgaard shook his head. “Short drive out of Thunder Bay. New name. Kent Rivera.” “He's still in Canada?” Nathan asked. “I thought you took him back down to the US.” “We did,” Camilo said. “Initially. The FBI needed to identify him before arrangements were made to get him into protection.” “Thunder Bay?” Dax shook his head. “That's a whole day’s drive up north. It’s even plane worthy.” “Remote for his protection,” Korsgaard said. “His protection?” Nathan frowned. “He's built like a fucking tank. What does he need protection from?” “The US government,” Camilo said as he got off the phone. “The only reason he's alive right now is because we made a deal with their government to keep him out of their country. They had enough evidence to prove he was innocent of the crimes he was accused of, but proving it to the public, which already loves to believe he's guilty, would mean exposing the fact that therianthropy exists which is not something they would want to do.” “So…it's all a cover up?” Dax said. “They know he's innocent but can't prove it to the public so they fake his execution? Sacrificing his freedom for PR?” “It’s the FBI,” Korsgaard said. “They also don't have another suspect,” Camilo said. “They just want to close the case entirely.” Nathan turned to Reid. “You swear you didn't know about this?” “No, not even a bit,” Reid insisted. “Honestly, I grieved for him too. When we met him those months ago, I saw a broken man trying to survive but unable to really live his life. I was hoping you two could at least help each other.” Nathan grit his teeth and turned back to his case workers. “Why did I have to be kept in the dark?” “That would be for your protection, Nathan,” Camilo said. “The FBI is very adamant that the Canadian government participate with them and share our catalogue of registered alternative persons. They want us to but, for the most part, we don't have to and we don't want to, because their policies around the handling of such people conflicts with ours as it strips a lot more of your rights from you. If you were to be associated with Kent around the time of his transfer, we would have been required to submit your information to the FBI, including the status of your condition and all our information on your children as well.” “But that should've been my choice, don't you think?” Nathan argued. “If you just kept me up to date… I would have participated willingly.” “It's all procedure,” Camilo explained. “Kent didn't even know what the plan was until he was dropped off up north.” Dax squeezed Nathan’s arm. “At the end of the day, it already happened. And Kent's alive. That's good, right?” Nathan just folded his arms. “…I'm glad he's alive… You know, good for him, I guess. I just…this changes everything…” Camilo reached out and placed a hand on Nathan's. “I am very sorry that we had to keep this from you. But please try to see the brighter side of this. You have someone out there with a similar condition to yours. You can ask him for help and any insight into what’s been happening. And we know for a fact Kent wants to see the twins.” Nathan frowned. “…I don't even know if I want to involve them in this.” “Nathan, they're his kids,” Dax said, a bit alarmed. “So? They're my kids first,” Nathan said. “I did everything… I carried them alone. He didn't even want me to have them.” “He was scared,” Reid chimed in. “You know he was worried about leaving behind kids with a legacy like his. He didn't want them to grow up thinking their father is a murderer.” “As if I would let them think that,” Nathan huffed. “Well, with a new identity, he doesn't have to be that other guy,” Reid said. “It's up to you, Nathan,” Camilo said. “If you'd like to see Kent, with or without the twins, we can arrange transport. You just let Korsgaard know.” “Can't I just call him?” Nathan asked. “Well, you can try,” Camilo said. “He doesn't like to answer us when we call. We have a few agents that circulate around there that we can call but he doesn't go near them. He’s not allowed to leave the area so we have to check up on him regularly, but he doesn’t interact with out agents.” Reid piped up again. “I think a visit up north would give you a good break. And it’s summer too so the weather should be quite nice.” Nathan looked down, his arms crossed over his stomach. “...I'll go up there then...” He then looked to Dax. “You'll come with me, right?” “Of course!” Dax rubbed Nathan's back. “We could make it a small vacation.” Nathan nodded. “Okay...” He looked to Camilo again. “How soon could we go?” “We could probably arrange a flight for you as soon as tomorrow, it's up to your availability,” Camilo said. “We'll have to arrange for Wano to stay here first...” Nathan said. “And someone has to watch the kids.” “Maybe this weekend coming up?” Dax suggested. “Nari could sit, perhaps.” “Nari's in Europe,” Nathan reminded. “Shit, you're right... And Samara doesn't like babies...” Dax considered. “I could watch them,” Korsgaard offered. Nathan straightened up. “You could? No, I couldn't ask you to do that...” “You're not. I'm offering,” Korsgaard stated. “Korsgaard’s really good with kids,” Camilo backed up. “Raised two, and Eris loves him.” “Yeah, but... Are you good with wild animals?” Nathan said. “I have no idea if they'll stay human for you...” Korsgaard shrugged. “I like animals. Maya might as well be one...” “Uh, well...” Nathan looked to Dax. Dax shrugged. “I wouldn't say no if he's offering. I still think we should be bringing the kids, but it's all up to you.” Nathan nodded. “…Okay, sure. Korsgaard, if you'll watch the twins for us, I'd be very grateful.” Korsgaard gave a nod. “No problem.” “We'll just go...two nights?” Nathan suggested. “Is that reasonable?” “Sounds good to me,” Camilo said getting out his tablet. “So, Friday then, we’ll arrange a flight with a field agent to go along with you. You'll be back Sunday night.” Nathan nodded again. “Yeah, okay. Let's do it. Thank you...” “Don’t mention it,” Camilo said. “We owe this to you.”

#lore #Nathan #Dax #Reid #Camilo #Korsgaard #werewolf

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #447-448

(one from yesterday, one from v early this morning)

How did you and the last person you kissed start talking? By both being meerkat RPers on YT back in the day. Do you think someone is falling in love with you? Definitely not. Do you have a bad temper? Nah. What was the last song you listened to? SOBS "Suteki Da Ne" from FFX. If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Hell yeah. She actually has been my substitute teacher before, as she worked at my elementary school with the special ed kids. Are you comfortable with people going through your phone? No. I have nothing to hide on there at all, but still... I just don't like it. Do you really care about what toothpaste you use? So long as it's mint-flavored, no, I don't care. Would you like it if the whole world spoke one language? I mean, I think it's pretty inarguable that that would be a beneficial thing. For all humans to understand each other, like in dire situations where information needs to be brought across. However, I don't believe we should actually try to change that now with so many languages already developed. That would be way, way too big a task and not that important. Would mind-reading really be a blessing or a curse? I'd find it more to be a curse. Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? Nah. They just don't interest me as pets. Do you tend to daydream a lot? If so, about what? Yeah. .-. About a lot of stuff... How I want my future to be, things I wish would happen, how I'd change past errors... What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? I would 110% model for Cloak if for whatever miraculous reason they wanted me to because a bitch supports her favorite human asdkfajkwle. I'd totally do some goth modelling for Rebel's Market, too. Do you actually read your friend’s surveys, or do you just copy and paste them and fill them out yourself? I read my friends' answers, yes. I like learning obscure things about them. Which is your favorite episode of I Love Lucy? Bar none, the "Vitameatavegamin" one. It's fucking hilarious, man. I love that show. Do you consider yourself a deep thinker? WAY too deep. Name two people who you are closest with? My mom and Sara. Which one of those two people would you eat first, if you were starving? Neither. I would absolutely rather die. No one cares whether or not you believe in love at first sight… but, do you believe in hate at first sight? Well, let's be real. If you witnessed someone being abused or raped or something like that, wouldn't YOU hate the villain immediately? I sure as hell would. When you were a kid, which comic strip was your favorite? I didn't care for those. How do you feel about fake plants? They can look good, they can look tacky, and they make great additions to some animal enclosures, like reptiles and bugs, for cover and new textures. Does it make you uncomfortable when people ask you your shoe size? Er, no? Would you feel guilty about cheating on your taxes if you got away with it? Yes. I tend to have a guilty conscience. Are you happy with your weight? NO. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? No. When I was forced to go as a kid, I never paid attention. As a very young adult when I super rarely went, I would try to, but my attention definitely wavered. Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? Tongue, if it just didn't damage my damn teeth. :( I miss my snake eyes. Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? It's very embarrassing, but yes. A few years ago, I had this very strange period of premature incontinence when I slept. I had to be put on some medication and a schedule to wake up in the night to use the bathroom. It oddly just... vanished as randomly as it started. Had any surgeries? What kind? I had tubes put in my ears as a baby, and then at the start of 2017 (I think), I had to have a cyst removed from my butt. :^) Ever told your parents you hated them? I've told Dad that, yes. Are you sober? Yeah. Do you have a crazy side? Not really, no. I'm boring. Do you have siblings over the age of 18? All of my siblings are. Do you think that downloading music illegally is immoral? Yes, and yet... I do it anyway. :x Have you ever sworn at a policeman/woman/cop? No. How far do you agree that the mother is more important in a child’s life than the father? I Don't agree with that. Would you ever let one of your children enter a beauty pageant? If they were old enough to make their own decisions, I'd have no say. But as a little kid, no. I do not support those damn things. What was your favorite Pokemon as a child? Charmander! :') Do you have a favorite name? What is it? Alessandra. It's so beautiful. What was the topic of the last assignment/essay you wrote? Toxic masculinity. I got SO into that essay. What’s your favorite type of juice? Probably peach mango. What was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? LATIN. Like holy shit. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What would you do if your ex contacted you? I would just be... so happy. But also scared of where it would lead. What age would you like to have a child? No age, because I never want any. Are your parents wealthy? Definitely not. My dad SEEMS decently well-off, but he is most certainly not rich. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Your ex tells you they want you back, what do you say/do? I know I'd say yes, very quickly. -_- Do you know anyone that smokes weed? More like she's addicted to it. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Oh, that's Mark for sure, ha ha. Especially if he's laughing. It's game over for me if he's laughing. What’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? Don't even fucking @ me, I love the emo hair swoop alskdfjalkwje;kjrwklejarwe Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman. What have you been up to today? Anything interesting? The only thing I've done today that deviates from my normal routine is I had to get blood drawn for some tests for my upcoming check-up. I don't know what was up with that needle, but it hurt this time. Are you the type of person to dwell on the past? I live there. Did your grandparents teach you anything? Not really, no... besides being old-fashioned is not an excuse for being an uptight... er... this answer is so mean, given the grandmother I'm talking about is dead, oof. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? I wanted one... but I don't have one and never will. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're mega cute. Who do you think about most constantly? Why? Anyone who reads these can answer that very, very easily. Have you ever considered yourself to be something other than heterosexual? Yeah; I'm either bi or pan. I think pansexual as of very recently, but for simplicity's sake and also for almost all of my family to not think I'm crazy, I really just say bisexual. Have you ever been in love? With who? Yes; Jason and Sara. Dolphins, whales, sharks, or narwhals? Dolphins or whales. Have you ever gotten anything amputated? No. Have you ever tied your tooth to a door to lose it? No. What do you do on the computer? Oh jeez... I'm pretty much, well, always on the computer, so I do a whole lot. I watch/listen to YouTube, write, clean out my dA notifications and browse artwork, scroll through Facebook, play World of Warcraft, edit the Silent Hill wiki, do way too many surveys, talk to Sara on Discord... Anything your parents should know about? No. Do you have a life? It sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I do nothing noteworthy. Do you have a microphone on your computer? It's built-in, but it doesn't work. Does your mouse light up? Yeah; red normally, blue when it's charging. Then it's also purple sometimes??? I have no idea what it means. Were you ever physically abused? No. Verbally? No. Sexually? No. Do your teachers like you? Not to brag or anything, but all my teachers loved me. Do your parents like you? I know they love me. Do your siblings like you? I don't feel like they do half the time. :/ It's my own fault for not knowing how the fuck to interact with them. Did you have a tail when you were born? At first I saw this question and was confused as shit, but then I remembered this was actually a thing, ha ha. But no, I wasn't. Do you enjoy school? I hated it. Are you shallow? No. Greedy? I don't think so, no. It feels good to share. Do you have a piercing in an inappropriate spot on your body? No. A tattoo? Well, I have a tattoo over my heart, so it's on my breast, if you wanna count that? Are you stubborn? God, am I. Are you incestuous? Fuck no. Do you respect your body? Meh... Yes in some ways, in other ways no. Have you ever been to therapy? Did you like it? I've been in therapy for most of my life, and yes, I find it helpful. Have you ever used Duolingo to learn another language? No. Are you unhappy at the moment? Yes. I usually am. Do you have any gay friends? Yes. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I used to enjoy it. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Dory. What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? This survey, actually. It's how I format it and save my progress. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Drawing. :/ Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah; when Sara and I were together and I went up to visit her, we had a breakfast date once. :') Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? Yeah. I hold a lot of nostalgia in many items. What sort of games do you like to play? Horror and fantasy, mainly. They need a story, too, and I ESPECIALLY enjoy games with multiple endings. Then I also play WoW, which is an MMORPG. Do you know anyone who is deaf? No. Have you ever been married? Nope. What is your favorite thing to dip fries in? Ketchup. Do you still talk to anyone you went to high school with? Just Girt, really. Have you ever had to dispute a charge on your credit card? I've never had my own credit card. Quick! Choose pink or purple. Pink, duh. What's your favorite book genre? Fantasy. Would you say you’re generally fit and healthy? Why/why not? No. :/ I'm trying to change that though by going to the gym. Would you ever want a job working with animals? My main aspiration is to be a wildlife photographer, if that counts? Sara also wants to be a ball python breeder, and we talk all the time about it and how I'd love to be like an assistant and help with my own future snakes. Most recently, I will definitely have to have experience with them as pets first and see if I can handle it, but I've considered breeding tarantulas on the side. The hobby could ALWAYS use more breeders to prevent wild-caught specimens being taken from the wild, and it would help lower their prices. I've gotten so passionate about those furry bastards that I would really enjoy helping out with that. Do you believe in your horoscope? Even if you don’t, do you still read it? Not at all. I don't, because it feels like a waste of time if I don't even believe in it. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No... I am firmly against cheating, but that sounds extreme. Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favorite? Of course! My favorite is Corpse Bride.

-------

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush(es) assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? No, honestly. He really doesn't like seeing people not pursuing their utmost potential, and, uhhhh, look at me, lol. I'm in no way good enough for that god of a human being lmao. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I still have them. I only have two, and my mouth has enough room for them. Do you wish you were taller or shorter? My height's fine. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Food Lion. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I quit way too early for that to ever happen. .-. What poster is hanging closest to you? My big Metallica one. Which cuisine do you like the least? I honestly haven't experimented enough with foreign foods to decide on one specific cuisine I really don't like as a whole. Are there any foods you dislike because of the texture? There are A LOT. I am very, very sensitive to textures. Which type of chocolate do you like best? Milk chocolate. Do you let your pets sleep in your bed? Absolutely. Well, obviously not my snake Venus, but Roman? Yes. This is his house, too, and he deserves a comfy space to sleep. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands? I don't have one. Have you ever made sun tea? I have no idea what that is. Do you prefer powdered or liquid coffee creamer? I don't like coffee. Did your school have somewhere for girls to get emergency pads/tampons? Yes. Do you think they should make a movie about Hatshepsut? Now here's a question I haven't heard before, ha ha. I actually think that would be quite interesting and certainly empowering to women. Do you like to go to the movies alone? I actually did that for the Warcraft movie, and it was pretty chill. I prefer going with others, though. Have you ever dried down any flowers to keep them? No. What is your favorite thing that you have made by yourself? Probably my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun drawing. I worked my ass off on that, and I love how it came out. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I don't use those specifically, no. Have you ever made a pillow out of an old T-shirt? No. If you want to be cremated, do you want your ashes scattered anywhere? I haven't really thought of this, but I know I want them to be scattered somewhere. I don't wanna be cremated and have no lineage to cherish the ashes so I just end up thrown away or scattered in someone's backyard or something like that. I guess the desert would be pretty cool, if it was one with meerkats. Would you ever have a deceased pet stuffed? No. I have mixed feelings on taxidermy, but doing that to your pet just... seems wrong somehow. Like I feel that there'd be an unhealthy attachment to a dead body, and it feels like you're not allowing your beloved pet to truly, fully rest. Even if there is nothing beyond death, it's just a respect thing to me. Would you ever have a pet cremated? Teddy was cremated, yes. I WANTED to cremate my first ball python and Chinese water dragon, and both were in the freezer for a long time, but it just... never happened. It's not cheap. Mom also had Cali (her dog) cremated, but didn't keep the ashes herself because of it, once again, being expensive. Personal cremation costs more than a group one. Do you believe in the existence of parallel universes? Nah. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Collect anything? Any and all meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merchandise. Can you stick your fist in your mouth? ... I'm not about to try that. When was the last time you were high on anything? Never. Ever had a bloody nose? Yes. Have you ever caught a fish? Yes. Ever been up a mountain? Ugh, I wish! What are you listening to right now? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Do you have any birthmarks? Yeah; it's on my right forearm, near the elbow. Have you ever been slapped? I've been spanked and slapped on the arm by my mother when I was younger. And sometimes not so young. What do you want pierced? My collarbones, nostril, way more in my ears, and possibly my back dimples if I shrink down to a size where you can actually SEE them clearly... Do you like taking pictures? Of nature and animals. Sometimes people. Do you like getting your picture taken? Hell no. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Do you have your own pool? No. What do you want a tattoo of? You're asking someone who wants to be COVERED in tats, ha ha. I have a billion ideas. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Nah. Have you ever been chased by cops? No. Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly? OH FUCK NO. What about cleavage? I wear tank tops more than anything, so some. What theme does your room have? It doesn't have one. Do you like cows? Awwww, I love cows. :') <3 Which slow animal is your favorite? Sloth, turtle, or snail? Turtles aren't that slow; it's tortoises you're thinking about, so I'll consider them instead. Regardless, I think I find snails the cutest. If you had to create an app, what would it be for? I have zero clue. What is one television finale where you were upset with how it ended? I don't know. Other than mandatory lockdowns, have you had to quarantine at all for CoVid? No. What steps would you take in order to track down a thief? ... Not many, tbh, given JUST how afraid of confrontation I am, ha ha. What is something that one of your family member collects? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes sports stuff. What are some questions that you would ask your favorite celebrity? I've... never thought of this, believe it or not. I'd be too busy blubbering about how important he is to me and thanking him for everything he's ever done alskdjfkla;wje Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes. That was very, very rare, though. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? If there was a 1% chance of half an inch of snow. :^) Everyone flips their shit here when that happens. Also, hurricanes. What types of transportation do you think we will see in the future? Besides possibly flying cars, idk. Which freaks you out more - clowns or porcelain dolls? aklsdjflajdsALSKDFJA;LWJE D O L L S. Porcelain dolls creep me out, man. Do you like salami? Yeah. Do you know your mum's first pet's name? I actually don't, no. Do you like car racing? No. I think it's stupid, honestly. People can get and have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. Who hugs you the most often? My niece and nephew, probably. Has your favorite actor ever been stuck to a project you dreaded watching (e.g., stuck on a bad TV show for years)? No. When you were a child did you wish you were named something else? What sort of fantasy life did you imagine for yourself if you’d only had this other better name? Bro I shit you not, I wanted to change my name to "Dory" because of Finding Nemo, lmao. I never thought about how my life would be different, though. Are you a plant person? How do you feel about the trend of owning many, many houseplants? Nah, plant maintenance isn't for me. I don't care how many plants you own so long as you care for them. It seems pointless to buy plants and just neglect them. What are you sick of hearing about? Anti-vax bullshit. Do you wish that you had more followers on any platform? Do you even pay attention to how many likes/comments/followers you have? The only places I really care about that are my photography Facebook page and deviantART because ffs I TRY to make progress as a photographer lasdkfj;lawe but neither move very fast at all. Are you currently working on an art project? No. :/ I need to draw something for once. If applicable, what color are you planning to dye your hair next? I have three in mind: lilac, pastel pink, or silver. Do you have a sibling who looks like your twin? No. My older and younger sister look remarkably similar, though. People have confused them a lot. Do you think you'd make a good actor or actress? God no, I'd feel far too awkward. Do you believe you have a lot of potential? Ugh, I don't know, dude. Would you like to be rich and own a vacation home? Who wouldn't? Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. What eyeshadow color do you think looks best on you? Black. I only wear black. Do you shop in the girls, juniors, or women's section at the store? Women's. Do you play video games? I haven't played a game other than WoW in a long time. :/ I only have a PS2 and Wii, and most of the games I want to play are for newer generation consoles. Is your house more than two stories tall? It's not even two stories. Have you ever had the flu? No. *knocks on wood* Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No. I want tons of tats, but that sure isn't one of 'em. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. I'm one of those people that wants to eat right when I wake up. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Alaska, Utah, Wyoming, and some southwestern state where I can visit the desert and maybe see wild tarantulas. Countries: South Africa, Germany, Canada, and uhhhh idk. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No? Hugs can just be a friendly gesture. They don't have to have underlying romantic implications. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? Oh man, snowy days were the epitome of joy when I was a kid. The #1 thing I wanted to do was make a snowman with Dad and my sisters if the snow was the right texture to pack. We loved snowball fights, making snow angels, watching the cats play... and you CAN'T forget making sugary snow cream. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? No one that does hard drugs now, no. I honestly don't know how I'd respond to wanting to befriend a hardcore druggie... Like I'm totally aware drug addicts are not innately bad people, but it can be dangerous to associate with them. So idk. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Yes. I do NOT like being in hospitals. I've never been treated badly in one or anything, but I just have way, way too many ER memories from being suicidal and just stripped of everything that could somehow be interpreted as a "danger." Even books had to be approved. Technology of all kinds, forbidden. All I did was sleep on that godawful bed and wish I was dead. But I'm rambling; point is, I really don't like any health care establishment just because of negative memories. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No. We just don't. I wouldn't be opposed to knowing what he's up to. What do you like most about your favorite animal? Their loyalty and bravery are purely astonishing. Do you need a job? Yes. I'm a leech in my house. I serve no financial purpose to assist my mom in paying bills and all of that. I'm a full-grown adult that should be benefiting humanity. Who do you love the most in your life? My mom, cat, and best friend probably top the list. What is your mom doing right now? I hope she's asleep, but she tends to sleep very badly and is frequently tossing and turning around this time. Where does she work? She's on disability. For the type of cancer she had, she automatically got it with her diagnosis. It's recently been a year since her last chemo session, but let me tell you from witnessing it: It takes A LOT out of you. It was actually torturous for her. She's still regaining her strength and healing before she can wisely get another job. Do you have Netflix? Yeah. What was the last thing you quit doing? I don't know. Have you ever read a book that changed your life? No. Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Sara, if through text counts. Have you ever taken Xanax before? Yes; I was prescribed it for quite a while. Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? Try both, buddy.

#survey #surveys #random questions

[shy-violet-soul]

The Itty-Bitty Babysitting Brigade

Title: The Itty-Bitty Babysitting Brigade Characters: Alpha! Bucky Barnes x Omega!F-Reader, Assorted Avengers Summary: A team of experts are ready to help Bucky with the twins. Warnings: fluffity fluffy fluff.  A bad language word. Word count: approx. 2,400 A/N: This merry little band wouldn’t let me rest until I snuck a peak at how they do with the new pups! You don’t have to read part 1 & part 2, but you should.

A/N 2: a very big fluffy thank you to my 2 beta’s, @thesassywallflower​ and @pinknerdpanda​. You ladies are super-fab - bless you for putting up with my text onslaughts!

This is a work of fiction based upon characters owned by the MCU. My work is not to be published elsewhere without my written permission.

Bucky Barnes was a reasonable man. Before you and the twins darkened the apartment doorway on your first day home as a family, he’d created pup care schedules, matrices, and plans that would put Nick Fury to shame. The failure of the infants to follow said schedules, matrices, and plans gave him chest pains.

“Bucky, my love, it’s okay. They were all warm and cozy where it was dark and quieter. Here, it’s noisy and cold and bright. I’m sure they’re a little scared because everything’s so different. Crying is the only way they have to talk to us.” Then, you did it again - hand over his heart, blinking your tired but happy eyes up at him. “They’re so lucky to have a strong, brave daddy to help them feel safe.”

Bucky Barnes was a reasonable man. After eight days of carefully crafted pup care plans being shot straight to hell, the soldier went back to his roots - guerilla warfare. Having spent decades perfecting the art of surveillance, he quickly learned the twins’ little tells that gave away possible maneuvers. Ruth Natalia, for instance, went back to sleep if she just rubbed her eyes with her fist. Rubbing her face into the blanket - imminent nap ceasefire. If Joseph Steven had the hiccups for longer than 3 minutes 18 seconds - prompt conflict escalation. Ever the tactician, Bucky quickly adopted the jarhead motto of ‘improvise, adapt, and overcome’ that allowed him to anticipate and quickly intervene. A swift pacifier tucked into Ruth’s mouth bought him an average 6 minutes extra peace time. Swaying Joey side to side tucked in his arm like a football was always a successful diversion. It’s when they joined forces in joint engagement that left him with palpitations and shortness of breath.

Watching you made it easier. Motherhood looked damn good on you. Even if you were covered in spit up and the clothes from two days ago. You showed him the best swaddle techniques, encouraged him to be unafraid while burping them (“they won’t break, Bucky”), and filled his phone with photos of him and the pups.

Even though Bucky grumbled that it had only been a few weeks, your willing daycare back-up Wanda had to get back to missions. The night before you were supposed to resume daycare duties, the babies engaged in full scale attrition warfare, including deployment of the famous Pincer movement.

Simply put, they ganged up on their mama and daddy.

Bucky’s heart broke when you sagged to the floor between their bouncy seats where they both shrieked like they were being tortured, and cried right along with them. You had nursed, and rocked, and walked, and bounced, and bathed, and sung, and nursed and swaddled and unwrapped and walked and vacuumed and nursed and nothing. Was. WORKING. 

“I don’t - I don’t k-know what to d-do!” you sobbed as you held pacifiers to their mouths. Your red-rimmed eyes shone garishly, skin pinched and pale from pure exhaustion. Your nursing top hung raggedly off one shoulder, and your loose pants were stained from dinner two nights before. Both his omega and his pups were in need before him, an expert warrior and master assassin. He felt like he was gonna throw up.

Bucky Barnes was a reasonable man. And an Avenger, dammit! His alpha snarled and snapped with anxiety - protect! Soothe! Fix! Kneeling down behind you, he wrapped you up in his arms, being careful to avoid your painful breasts, and purred into your neck. You and both babies paused in the moment; you quaked like a leaf against him as the pups snuffled, his calming scent of rosemary and sandalwood pacifying them for a moment. He didn’t know what the hell to do, so he did what any rational person would do. He lied.

“I know what to do. You’re going to go take a shower, and lie down and sleep. The babies and I are going downstairs to be with the daycare pups.” 

Your lack of protest said more than any words as you wiped your nose on your sleeve. “C-can I just lie down here?” you croaked out pitifully. Bucky wavered for an instant before putting just enough alpha in his voice to get you moving.

“No, doll, you’ll wake up all sore. Go shower, go sleep.”

Bucky Barnes was a reasonable man. The fact that he took enough equipment downstairs to satisfy a doomsday prepper wasn’t noteworthy in the slightest. The pups’ reactions, however, was. Parents were abandoned without a backward glance as they ran pell mell towards the occupied bouncy seat/swing contraptions. 

“WAIT!” Heidi/Dimples the omega bellowed, freezing Chad/Lightning Bolt and Jeremy/Steve in their tracks. “Sanitize! Who knows what germs you’ve picked up out there!” she ordered, swiping the pump bottle and doling out globs while Bucky hurriedly took care of sign in. Bucky would later chuckle with you at the militant little omega refusing access to the babies until every pup had been liberally sanitized. The ooo’s and aaa’s, soft touches, and light distracted the babies as Bucky scrambled to get morning snack lined up. Then…

“Look at that! Baby Joey has the hiccups!” giggled Micah/Iron Hulk.

Shit.

“Mr. Barnes, sir? Ruthie keeps rubbing her face in her blankie,” Heidi advised.

Dammit.

Servings of apple juice globbed into sippy cups with no attention to equal servings as Bucky’s heart rate rose along with the volume of the twins’ fussing. When Ruth gave one piercing cry, Bucky ripped open two packs of graham crackers and dropped them on the table, ignoring the crumbling result as he sprinted back to the babies. Elaine/Warrior Princess had already figured out the Stark tech on the swings, but the smooth movements weren’t doing anything to mollify them. Joey joined in his sister’s cries, both little faces screwing up as they hollered. Seven pairs of pup eyes turned to look at Bucky expectantly.

Bucky Barnes was a reasonable man. The fact that he felt like vomiting was irrelevant.

“Hungry. Maybe they’re hungry,” he said more to himself as he stumbled to plug in the bottle warmer.

“Mmmm, I dunno. They don’t sound hungry,” Chad pondered, hands on his hips. 

“How do you know? They’re still fresh out of the wrapper, they don’t know how to cry different.”

Chad scoffed at Elaine. “Because my mama is a baby-makin’ machine, that’s why! She says so all the time, and my dad’s sleeping on the couch till he gets some kinda appointment made. I got two little brothers and one little sister at home.”

Sera studied Ruthi seriously, bobbing along with the baby as she scrutinized. “He’s right, they’re not hungry. See? She’s just lonely.”

Bucky tried not to hyperventilate as he fished out two bottles of breast milk, bobbling one until he slammed it into the warmer. Distantly he saw the pups gather in closer to the babies, heard the murmur of certainty in the ‘ooooh, I see!’ that chattered through the room. While mashing buttons, he chanced a look over his shoulder when Micah declared, 

“I know what to do!” But a mechanical beep of annoyance from the warmer took his attention and sent his pulse hammering in rhythm with the babies’ cries. Failure loomed over him like a towering tidal wave, his throat sticky with stress and hyperventilation. As his vision started to turn white at the edges, Bucky didn’t notice the activity behind him: Micah explaining the plan, Elaine leading Jeremy and Sera to move the big blue chair, Natalie running to the art supplies, and Chad and Heidi leaning over the babies.

Little hands grabbing at his arms knocked Bucky off his pins, the second bottle clattering from his hand. He almost took the blue chair down with him when Elaine and Jeremy tugged him into it, wooden feet groaning an inch or two across the floor in protest. Sera tossed the blankets previously covering the twins across his legs. Natalie appeared at his right, wobbling on a step stool and brandishing a pair of rounded safety scissors while Chad and Heidi clutched the screaming babies against their bodies.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Barnes! This won’t hurt a bit!”

Bucky Barnes was a reasonable man. The fact that there are now ten holes ripped into the arms of the big blue chair is immaterial.

Before Bucky could even free up a brain cell to respond, Micah grabbed the left side of his tshirt and pulled it taut, and Natalie sliced a cut from nipple to nipple like she ninja’d her way through toddler tap dance class. Micah then yanked the gap wide, and Chad and Heidi plunked the babies against his bare chest.

“There!” Micah and Chad chimed out victoriously. Bucky didn’t know what ‘there’ was. Or where. He was thoroughly occupied with maneuvering the two squalling, still very tiny babies against him.

“Son of a bitch!” he ground out.

“MIS-ter Barnes! You can’t use bad language words!” Heidi clapped her hands over the closest baby’s ears, glaring ferociously at him. Deaf to her scolding, Bucky yelped when Ruth’s face slid into his armpit and Joey slipped head-first towards the side.  Sighing with exasperation, Chad climbed up to the left arm and clapped his hands on Bucky’s face.

“Listen. Calm down. You’re giving off all your bad alpha smells and freakin’ ‘em out!”

“Deep breaths, Mr. Barnes!” The little pups started coaching the Avenger, breathing in and out exaggeratedly until he followed their lead. Gradually, he noticed the scent of gunsmoke choking the air, causing more than one wrinkled pup nose. He forced himself to relax, his left arm chinking slightly as the plates shifted.

“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered to himself. Elaine’s head bonked him on the chin as she tugged Joey back into place, the baby flopping like a bobblehead before she climbed down to sit on the floor.

“Nobody knows what to do with kids, Mr. Barnes.”

Finally manuevering Ruth into place, Bucky tried to pay attention. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yup. My mama tells us all the time. ‘What the hell am I gonna do with you?’” Elaine quoted solemnly.

Jeremy nodded in agreement. “My daddy says parenthood is the toughest hood he’s ever been in. But I don’t know about that ‘cuz I never see him wear a hood, he only wears a ball cap.”

Both babies now lay cautiously secured in his hold. Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off them as they still fussed and grizzled unhappily.

“Now what?”

Chad joined the little band crisscrossed-applesauced in front of Bucky. “The two p’s.” The little guy nodded as if to tell him to get busy. Like he wasn’t speaking in a foreign language at all.

“Which two p’s?”

Rolling his eyes and sharing a chagrined look with Elaine, Chad answered, “purr and pat. Bust out that legit purr and pat ‘em on their little hineys.” 

Bucky swallowed hard around the still-pounding pulse in his throat and tried to purr; the sound started croakily at best. But as his alpha settled into the calming action, Bucky felt his muscles relax a hair. His eyes closed as he let himself just be in the moment - the tip-tup dance of their heartbeats against his thrumming warm beneath them, the gentle herby lavender and spiced vanilla of their scents gradually lifting to thread with his rosemary and sandalwood. And gradually realized he nor the babies seemed about to immediately explode.

When he opened his eyes, he blinked at the bright grins waiting for him.

“Good job, Mr. Barnes!” Heidi crowed, clapping happily. Micah offered him a double thumbs up to go with Sera’s chef’s kiss, while the others offered him proud, smiling nods.

“Just need to figure out the pat, and you got this!” Chad encouraged. “They just needed that skin to skin time.”

Jeremy was nodding vehemently. “I helped my mom with that when she was conzausted.”

“What’s conzausted?” Natalie wanted to know.

“It’s when my mom gets really tired.”

“Oh. My dad must get conzausted, too. He says having all us kids is like having a blender with no lid.”

Sera perked up, eyes wide with an epiphany. “That must be why my mom cleans all the time!”

Bucky felt one of his calf muscles cramp up, and tried to relax a little more. Ruth and Joey dozed, happily nuzzling round cheeks and tiny noses into his warmth. Their sleepy little sounds tugged a half-smile onto his face. When Bucky stole his gaze to the daycare pups, Chad gave him a pleased head bob. Unbelievably relieved pride sent more calm into his belly, and Bucky let himself relax even more as the children’s candy-coated happy scents filled him. They whispered and murmured in hushed tones, eager to help with their newest friends and their Sergeant Alpha.

Suddenly, Steve came somersaulting shield first in the craft room window, glass shattering and scattering. Sam splintered open the front door to the tune of pups screaming - all nine of them as the babies were yanked from their nap. Weapons drawn, they both scrambled around the room.

“Bucky! I got your 911 text. Where’s the threat?”

Bucky’s omega is a reasonable woman. The fact that she nailed Sam with a baseball bat was blown entirely out of proportion. The other fact that she kicked Steve in the balls so hard he cried was not.

An hour later, the daycare pups were in the upstairs living quarters, happily munching on popcorn to go with an impromptu ‘Phineas and Ferb’ marathon. Nat and Clint had carted away the incapacitated Captain and Falcon while Tony’s bots worked on door and window replacement. Clint nearly required medical attention himself when he laughed so hard at the ‘conzausted’ Mrs. Barnes’ terrified omega rampage that he fell off the porch. Bucky had taken your scolding shamefacedly, although he truly had no memory of sending the text. Abject panic will do that to you.

As he cuddled the calmed and re-sleeping babies against his bare chest, his omega dozing beside him on the coach, and a pile of pups and pillows before him, Bucky knew he could do this.

He knew they could do this. Even without schedules, matrices, and schedules.

#shy vy writes #alpha!bucky #Alpha Bucky Barnes #alpha bucky x omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #marvel fanfic #the itty bitty babysitting brigade

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

Lets debunk the BS from this. Up top a lot of this BS comes from Bob Chipman/MovieBob who is the guy who if you recall said:

-         Superheroes like Superman (and thus by extension Spider-Man who marry civilians were jerks for putting their spouses through the same stuff soldiers’ spouses go through

-         Spider-Man appeals best to teens (even though he provably doesn’t since most people get into him before their teens and he appealed to college students in his heyday)

-         The Spider-Marriage was nothing more than a forced publicity stunt

-         Sins Past is worse than OMD

-         Spider-Man is about passive aggressive power

-         And the best one, ever since OMD Peter and MJ had become ‘more interesting’

That all being said lets dive into this:

Someone asked the panel what a queer reading would add to the character of Miles…Jesus…that’s just the greatest sign of hope for this podcast isn’t it? Shoot me now…

Miles was not 3 dimensional when he was created. Even if you disagree it is nonsense to say that Peter wasn’t  three dimensional when he was first created. Just look at how much Stan explored Peter’s psychology in this singular panel from ASM #50

Look at that. Peter Parker pulled between the two sides of his life. Making a judgement of someone. But then calling out his own judgement of them and acknowledging maybe he’s in the wrong.

This was 1967!

That isn’t three dimensional?

Additionally other people would disagree that Peter wasn’t three dimensional early on.

And even if you disagree with that it’s nonsense to say he hasn’t SINCE become three dimensional or that retaining his origin story (which Miles broadly uses as the basis for his story in every version of his character) somehow holds him back from being three dimensional. If nothing else Peter was at least multifaceted for the time period.

Spider-Man wasn’t an example of stories about a 15 year old made for 7 year olds. Spider-Man was intended to be a senior in AF #15 and the stories were written by Stan for at worst an older audience but at best basically just for him.

Stan Lee confirmed that AF #15 was written not as a one off but as something that if successful COULD become an on-going series.

Its BS to say Peter makes no sense as a character because he makes sense about as much as any character within the confines of the superhero genre can. MILES doesn’t somehow make more sense whatsoever.

No. Spider-Man wasn’t merely a thrown together ‘hey here is a teenage superhero story with a downer ending’ it was a story about selfishness, responsibility and appealed via it’s relative normalcy and lack of idealization of the superhero protagonist.

The psychology and thematic idea of his exclusive powers (invisibility+venom blast) is the same…how? How is disappearing and repelling people the same thing? They keep saying that in the podcast as though it’s obvious and it’s really not

Great Power=Great responsibility isn’t Peter’s catch phrase it’s the philosophy underpinning everything he does

‘The young end millennials have been thrown under the bus by society so the optimism is reserved for the young end millenials like Miles and Gwen’ oh but also ‘you need 5-10 years added to each character to have this make sense and also Spide-Ham doesn’t quit fit’…So…the theory doesn’t  make sense then does it. Also, what optimism is there for teen millenials in the late 2010s? We are all shit scared Global warming needs to be fixed within the next 10-20 years. The young end millenials will not be in much of a position to do that. Maybe not the high-end millenials either. The power rests in older Gen Xers or even older generations. So this ‘generational’ theory is bullshit. Yeah, Miles as the next generation maybe makes sense but not when you apply real world concepts of who the different generations are. Especially considering that’s made up bullshit anyway.

‘Blah blah blah for most of my life I’ve been uninterested in Spider-Man because I’ve believed him to be WHITE MALE teenaged wish fulfilment.’…*internally groans*…oh boy…this woman is one of those  types huh. Frankly I, and I would advocate others too, take a salt shaker with them whenever they hear someone say something like this. But more importantly Spider-Man is seriously NOT what she describes. For starters Peter was a senior in high school when he began and shouldered adult responsibilities when his father died. That’s wish fulfilment? That’s a BURDEN. The reason that spoke to so many people was because he was just different and because his imperfections made him more relatable. The whiteness idea is also bullshit since he was intentionally or otherwise subtextually Jewish and has spoken to countless people of all colours across the generations. He very particularly has a HUGE following among African Americans which was partially what prompted the creation of Miles Morals in the first place!  Shit, the showrunner for the 1994 Spider-Man cartoon was black for God’s sake. Many of the head honcho creators for ITSV were people of colour who were clearly MASSIVE Spider-Man fans!

‘As a woman Spider-Man didn’t resonate with me’. Spider-Man is male. And he acts in ways a male would in the context of the situations. But the character as a whole, in his deepest themes and concepts, is a universal character. He does and has spoken to people across race, gender, sex, sexuality, class, culture and generations. Spider-Girl, Mayday Parker, was her father’s daughter and far more similar than different to him. She spoke to male and female readers. Peter Parker himself has had female fans since his inception. There is no end of female fans here on tumblr or in other online spaces that are the proof of this, to say nothing of old letters pages.

Miles feels more like a real kid and fits together better than most other versions of Peter Parker?...how? I don’t like USM the comic but hwo the fuck do you take that, Spec Spidey, the 1994 cartoon and the Raimi movies (that MovieBob adores btw) and say ‘it doesn’t fit together properly like Miles’. Dude, Comic Book Miles Morales is a teenager in New York who goes to a bordering school for scientifically gifted kids and yet is supposed to be an everyman. That fits together well? He risked his life before  being motivated to do so which is how most 13 year old woudn’t  have acted. Then he feels guilty about Peter dying but his BFF explains it’s not his fault and he accepts this but then goes on to become Spider-Man anyway. And somehow this equates to guilt+responsibility. THAT’s better put together? His character got web-shooters two different ways by the same writer and the guy he was a legacy to was resurrected within like 3 years of Miles’ debut. That’s well put together? This makes more sense and is more believable than a kid who’s Dad dies because he didn’t use his gifts altruistically, so he spends his whole life striving to use them altruistically?

Blah blah blah MovieBob spewing more shit about how Peter is a teenage wish fulfilment power fantasy even though he clearly isn’t from a modern POV and REALLY wasn’t in the early 1960s.

By extension arguing Peter is an adult male’s retroactive teenaged wish fulfilment fantasy of working stuff out is so plainly wrong. Peter Parker in the early 1960s didn’t have everything figured out. The whole world was against him totally unfairly. He needed Aunt May or the Human Torch at times to give him pep talks. His social life was barely existent! You wanna see a middle aged man’s retroactive young wish fulfilment fantasy? Go read Brand New Day, which MovieBob claims was superior to the pre-OMD era. What is the wish fulfilment here? That attractive young women like him? Is that it? That one thing vs. all the horrible shit beating Peter down?

Bob claims there was a lot more Steve Ditko in the early issues of his run compared to Stan Lee because Peter was very angry. First of all Ditko was such a private person claiming he was definitely angry and that the anger was all him is a MASSIVE speculation. Especially considering Stan wrote Spidey as angry plenty after Ditko left. More importantly, Peter wasn’t  angry in the early Ditko issues except for maybe issue #8. He had his moments sure, but it wasn’t at all consistent. He wasn’t raging out or smashing shit like he did later  in Ditko’s run. He was more anxious and neurotic in those early issues which is comparatively closer to how Stan and Romita handled Peter in their earliest issues together. Peter and the whole world of Spidey got angrier towards the end  of Ditko’s run. You know when Stan was letting Steve plot stuff more and more…It’s almost like Bob is full of shit or something

Bob tries to claim by the time ITSV was being written the kinks in Miles’ character had been worked out in the comics. Nah fam. If anything they’d been exacerbated. In reality it was the ITSV writers who took the wonky early Miles character and worked out those kinks themselves, creating an overall superior rendition of the character. A viewpoint I am not alone in.

‘The Prowler has never been a particularly noteworthy villain in the comics’ That’s because he’s not  a villain. He was kind of a villain in his debut but he very quickly became an ally to Spidey

The panel then get into a very pretentious discussion about how ITSV preaches you arne’t stapled to your origin, you are not your trauma. That claiming that is pretentious ala Zack Snyder. But like…isn’t that the POINT of super hero origins? That they contextualize everything about the heroes thereafter? Isn’t carrying his trauma with everything they do practically the point of Batman and Spider-Man’s origins; you know the 2 most popular heroes? Uncle Ben’s death IS stapled to Spider-Man because it underlines everything he ever does. Shit it doesn’t even make sense when applied to Miles in ITSV. He does what he does because his Spider-Man died and then so did his uncle. There is even a whole scene in his dorm room where each Spider-Hero relays the grief that shaped their own lives. I’m not saying you need death and tragedy to be Spider-Man. But that’s neither a bad thing nor something that ISN’T applicable to Peter nor ITSV Miles. Aren’t these idiots supposed to be film buffs? How do you screw up such a basic reading like that?

One of the pundits claimed the movie preaches acting heroically in spite of your tragedies not because of them. Again though…that’ not Spider-Man. Peter is a hero specifically because his uncle died. Miles endeavours to become Spider-Man because his Peter died. His Uncle Aaron’s death further fuels him and allows him to make to final leap of faith. Yes, Peter B. continues to be a hero in spite of his failings but it is only his experiences with Miles that make that possible.

‘They don’t need the tragedies to be heroic they are already heroic in their own right. Look, I don’t disagree with that more broadly. Mayday Parker didn’t need tragedy to be a hero. But in terms of the specific characters in this movie? That’s clearly not true:

This whole ‘in spite of tragedy’ shit is so pre-Marvel DC comics it hurts. Heroes who just innately do the right thing because it is the right thing to do is a dated and archaic invention Spidey and the other Marvel heroes were reacting against.

‘Spider-Man Noir detracted from the film’s message of diversity because he was a brooding WHITE MAN who prowled the night to enact fist based justice!!!!’ Do I even need to say anything to that? First of all literally every hero in the movie enacts fist based justice. Why does Noir operating at night make him worse than Peter B? Why does him being male make that worse than Peni or Gwen? Why does him being white make that worse than Miles or Peni? And as for detracting from the message of diversity, shockingly diversity can be found within the same ethnic or gender group. You know white/male people aren’t a monolith and all that. Plus creatively you want PERSONALITY diversity more than anything else. In this movie in particular you want shorthand conceptual differences too. ‘Spider-Man but an anime mech girl’ ‘Spider-Man but a noir character’. ‘Spider-Man but a cartoon pig’. This is how asinine this disgusting modern day mentality is.

Wow…MovieBob defending Noir from the asinine comment. I’m genuinely surprised. Too bad he doesn’t use the most obvious defence of ‘that is obviously a ridiculous statement to make you moron’

The next topic of discussion was related to Marvel moving away from Gwen as Spider-Man’s dead girlfriend. I spoke a lot about Bob’s ice cold take on that in this post.

He claims they introduced Spider-Gwen because the idea would be taboo and thus would get people talking. HA! Spider-Gwen was done as just a general idea not something to spark controversy. It wouldn’t even BE controversial. Marvel brought back a version of Gwen within 2 years of her death. They brought her back again 15 years after her death. They brought her back again 22 years after her death along with other versions who melted because it was the Clone Saga. During and after all those times they had AUs of Gwen in What If, Age of Apocalypse, Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane and other such stuff. An explicitly AU of Gwen Stacy in 2014 was one of the most aggressively uncontroversial  things you could do.

Gwen’s ballet shoes differentiate her from every other Spider-Man ever. I mean yes in terms of being a dancer I suppose but in terms of being dedicated and studious, training hard and earning immense physical control? There have been plenty of versions of Spider-Man pre-2018 who are like that.

The only way you can make Spider-Gwen work going forward is by not tying it to her death in the canon? Boy…too God damn bad her debut and origin is entirely built upon that. Her origin in the comics and in the movies is built  upon a role reversal because it is Peter who dies to motivate her. Film audiences would’ve still grasped that role reversal because it was only 4 years ago Emma Stone’s highly popular rendition of the character died. And that was in the last pre-MCU Spider-Man movie to boot!

‘The only Iron Man story anyone cared about was Demon in a Bottle’ Actually they only cared about that story and Armor Wars. But yeah, the MCU version is lesser for neither having his alcoholism nor a crippling heart condition. The mere fact people became complacent about that doesn’t mean it wasn’t reductive.

‘These are fictional characters they need to grow and change with the times to remain popular’ Gwen Stacy sucked shit in the 1960s-1970s and was then killed off and defined by her death. Somehow she still  wound up becoming a fan favourite by the 90s and 21st century. Spider-Gwen sucks as a character but not in concept. I never had a problem with the concept. But the idea that she needed to exist to keep Gwen popular is bullshit because Gwen had somehow become immensely popular in spite of being a nothing character. And that even presumes anyone needed to perform maintenance on Gwen to keep her popular. No we didn’t. She was an irrelevant character beyond her death. It’s like saying we need to change Uncle Ben or Bruce’s parents to keep them popular.

Gwen’s affect on Peter Parker was important for awhile but we aren’t that society anymore. It’s not a fucking societal concern!  Putting aside how a 2014 movie did Gwen’s death just a few years before ITSV, Gwen’s death is about a universal human experience.  Death, grief, moving on. Oh, I see. This halfwit mistakenly believes Gwen is an example of women in the refrigerator.

Gwen died because Peter had this perfect lovely girlfriend and everything was too great for him and they didn’t know how to write beyond that. An oversimplification. Gwen died because they needed to shake things up for sales in general. Because Conway shipped Peter with MJ. And a 20 year old Spidey in 1973 really was too young to be killed off. Oh and you know she was written like shit. Yeah that’s the part no one ever talks about. Gwen is played up as this underserving victim of a character but she sucked shit.

It’s almost the 2020s! So fucking what? People still lose loved ones in the 2020s? I’m not even saying Spider-Gwen should have died in ITSV or revolved around her counterpart dying. I’m saying this dumbass is wrong for bringing it up as though killing Gwen off is dated on principle. But this is the same moron who unironically said ‘I never connected to Spider-Man because he is a teenaged white male wish fulfilment fantasy’. I’m sure she got top marks in her gender studies class

‘sOme PpL nEEd 2 gEt oVa iTTTTTTT’ I genuinely wish this person would wake up mute someday.

‘We could do a whole movie about Spider-Gwen’. I don’t respect where this opinion is coming from but I don’t necesarilly disag- ‘Get Seanen Maguire to write it’…nevermind. This gets even worse when you consider Maguire had only been writing Gwen for literally 3 issues at the time this podcast was released. Of the back of three issues  you are declaring this writer qualified to write an entire movie about the character? Not even Jason Latour who created her. I smell someone who just jumped on the bandwagon or worse is blinded by agenda and ideology.

‘Gwen could’ve done with 5 more minutes’ It’s not her movie!  It’s Miles’ movie and secondarily Peter B’s movie because he is Miles mentor. It is through their mutual relationship that Miles learns to be Spider-Man and Peter learns to be Spider-Man again.

It never made sense for an 80 year old woman to be raising a 16 year old boy! Aunt May in the 1960s wasn’t in her 80s. She just looked that way because, duh, standards of health were different back then. A 40 year old now looks much younger and in better health than someone who potentially might’ve been born in the 19th century circa 1962! A working class  woman no less…With chronic health problems! Even if she was in her mid-late 50s her looking like that was totally believable in context! And her raising Peter was also entirely believable depending upon how old Ben and May were when Richard and Mary were born. It’s not beyond possibility at all that there was 15-20 years separating Ben and his younger brother, meaning if Peter was born when Richard was 25, Ben and May would’ve been in their 40s. Thus by the time Peter was 15 they’d be in their 50s or 60s.

These idiots keep treating Peter from Miles’ universe as a bona fide version of 616 Peter when it’s blindingly obvious he’s supposed to be an idealized rendition of the character. A version intended to be a juxtaposition to the version we all know walking into the movie.

Peter B. Parker having a more traditional version of Aunt May as opposed to a more proactive and involved version has left him with a sense of giving up. Er…no. It’s pretty obvious Peter B. Parker is the Spider-Man we know and love who normally doesn’t give up but one string of failures after another has brought him to his lowest. But he rises back up again. Look Peter is supposed to be a representation of human beings. Human beings need people and need emotional support. When you lose those people and are alone you can go to a very dark place. That’s Peter B’s story. If Aunt May had been more involved but everything else went wrong (including her death) he’d have still wound up in the dark place he went to. Blonde Peter might’ve weathered May’s death better in theory but he had OTHER stuff in his life to keep him afloat. Peter B lost most everything. What horseshit it is to argue if Aunt May was different he’d have not given up.

There was no purpose for Aunt May being as old as she was or on the cusp of death in the original comics. Er…yeah there was. She was that old because it made her more vulnerable and thus accentuated the loss of her husband and the need for Peter to be her support network. It also internally justified why she was so frail and unwell. Old people usually have health problems. Duh! But then Bob admits there is a reason for those decisions. So he is contradicting himself.

Bob presumes Blonde Peter told Aunt May his secret even though there is no evidence in the movie to support that idea.

Kids today aren’t resentful of their grandparents like older generations were, that’s why Aunt May is played differently now. Um…Peter was never resentful of Aunt May in the first place. He sincerely loved her and felt he needed to pay her back for all she’d done for him.

‘Kids today have cool grandparents because 50% of them would have been hippies.’ Hippies aren’t cool. And never were. They were pretentious losers that hid behind causes as an excuse to do drugs and have lots of sex. Over half a century later the world they claimed to fight for and want to build has yet to materialise and in fact is in a lot of ways far worse off than it was before their generation rose to the seats of power. The hippy generation are part of the baby boomer generation that are so thoroughly mocked today. The people in power who’ve fucked up the job and housing market for consequent generations. These idiots literally spouted a dumbass theory earlier on about how first wave millenials have been thrown under the bus. Who do you think did that? The baby boomers, many of whom used  to be hippies! And NONE of this demands Aunt May has to be different. I have no problem with her being different in ITSV. But the idea of someone who used to be a hippy being doting? Being a worry wart? Why the Hell is that a dated concept?

These idiots clearly view the world aggressively through an identitarian and group weighted lens as opposed to how the world really is. I.e. 7 billion+ individuals

There was a weird amount of focus upon gangsters in the Spec Spidey cartoon considering it was for kids. Not really, the show was reverential of the original comics. The original comics (which were for children) had lots of gangsters

To the people who bitch and moan about getting another Spider-Man it doesn’t take away from the one you had before. No one was complaining about Miles as another Spider-Man in this movie. People weren’t claiming it ruins the Raimi movies or something. People resent it in the comics because it waters down the brand and makes Spider-Man himself less special when he is an ONGOING character. It’d be one thing maybe if the torch was passed from person to person. But nowadays it’s literally all of them co-existing.

Blah blah bah symbolism of a young black boy fighting a big WHITE business MAN. Blah blah blah this is the type of bad guy Miles would fight in real life blah blah blah…Jesus Christ… these people really just buy that type of Kool-aid in bulk don’t they? As if Miles, were he ‘real’ wouldn’t fight anyone who’s doing bad things. FFS they just got done talking about Tombstone from the Spec cartoon. Tombstone is an African American!  And he’s in this fucking movie. He’s not some weird fantastical guy, he’s a regular gangster who happens to be albino. That’s it. Miles fights him in this fucking movie! Miles first major adversary in the comics was the Prowler who was another African American. Miles wouldn’t JUST fight ‘evil white businessMEN’

‘As far as I know about Doc Ock from Superior Spider-Man, which is excellent’ Wow. So, as would be obvious with anyone with a working brain and some prior knowledge of Otto, Superior is garbage. And saying you are basing your assessments of Otto on Superior is like saying you have never known about the character

Doc Ock is in so many Spidey stories as a scientific assistant to other people because the Green Goblin is always either dead or completely untrustworthy. Bob really just said that huh? This is further proof Bob has read precious little Spider-Man material. Doc Ock is NOBODY’s assistant. Even in Secret Wars he had to be threatened into compliance by Doom himself when Ultron was his attack dog. Doc Ock isn’t recruited by other people for his genius, he is the mover and shaker. He recruits other people and is the man in charge. And who the fuck is looking to get the help of Norman Osborn because he’s a scientist? Not to mention Norman is untrustworthy, oh but Otto?????????? The guy who tried to nuke NYC???????? WTF is Bob talking about?

Since we are in the ‘age of heroes’ (whatever THAT means?) it is impossible for Spider-Man to not be mentored by some other hero. Er…yeah it is? This is obviously a defence of MCU Spider-Man and it holds no water. First of all DC and Marvel have had young heroes show up when there are a plethora of heroes around they’ve not had mentors. Second of all it’s entirely possible for Peter to not WANT a mentor and it’d be entirely believable that the other heroes might not see themselves as mentors or might mistrust him.

The Spider-Heroes take their grief and turn it into action. WHOA WHOA WHOA! Didn’t these guys say earlier that the movie preaches the heroes are more than their trauma? That they aren’t stapled to their origins? That they move on from it? What’s this change of tune all of a sudden?

Miles Dad was probably made into a cop to avoid having a difficult discussion about how the police would react to a black super hero or a black Spider-Man. Yeah, or it’s because you know…his Dad worked in law enforcement in the comics so you know…faithfulness. Also the police don’t discriminate against black heroes in the MCU except Luke Cage. Also, also not every fucking cop is racist. Also, also, also how would they know Miles is black his costume covers his whole body!

Miles Dad was super authoritarian. Dude. He didn’t like vigilantes and he followed basic rules like stopping not abusing police sirens. That’s hardly akin to being a jackbooted fascist.

Miles would’ve had a different relationship with authority and the police if his Dad hadn’t been a cop. Er…no not necessarily. First of all being the son of a cop doesn’t mean he’d have not experienced institutionalized racism from the police. Second of all even if he had experienced that he could still believe in justice and taking down obviously evil and dangerous people like Kingpin.

They never touched upon institutional racism from the police in Luke Cage which was for adults. Er, yes they did. The rapper in the later episodes of season 1 (the Bulletproof Love guy) stated he wasn’t going to call the police. The police were stopping and searching black men in their hunt for Cage. Black people wore shirts with holes in them in order to protect Cage and defy the cops. The rap mentioned how nobody was interested in protecting their neighbourhood.

Nobody wants the tell a superhero story about institutional racism within the authorities. Isn’t that literally Luke Cage’s origin? Didn’t Black Panther mention that earlier in the year ITSV was released.

I’m going to disagree that Miles fighting Kingpin was unnecessary because of the cultural connotations we talked about….God…You couldn’t just say ‘the main hero obviously has to defeat the main villain. Duh!’…

Dan Slott is a dang genius! As if you needed more proof these people are unqualified  to talk about Spider-Man…

Spider-Verse’s (the comic’s) fan service is what happens when you get Spider-Man fans to do the story vs. ITSV. Nah fam. ITSV is what happens when you get real fans who are talented  vs. Spider-Verse is what happens when you get a real fan who fundamentally misunderstands the characters and is a hack

There is no real Peter Parker. Who cares! The real Peter Parker is the original because he is the one everyone else is derivative of and therefore based upon. And fans AND creators and Marvel itself clearly care about that because they sure as fuck didn’t kill him  off so Miles could replace him. They killed off the secondary and surplus Ultimate Peter Parker. Treating the original version as the true  one doesn’t invalidate any other versions because they can still be great characters unto themselves. But given how disgustingly SJW this whole podcast has been I am unsurprised they go in for this participation trophy form of analysis where everything is equal all the time.

It also doesn’t invalidate the idea of Spider-Man being anyone. Spider-Man CAN be anyone. But not everyone can be Peter Parker. If we are going to say otherwise the praise these jackoffs lauded onto Miles for how his specific identity was explored is invalidated. Peter is Peter. Miles is Miles. They can both be Spider-Heroes worthy of the mantle.

Because Miles is a POC people who don’t look like Peter can believe they can be Spider-Man. I’m not arguing against Miles but seriously, that was the case before Miles existed. The showrunner of Spider-Man 1994 was an African American and he related to Peter Parker in the 1960s. Poc can relate to Spider-Man regardless of skin colour.

The original comic book version of Spider-Man isn’t the true one just because he is the original. Er….yeah. It seriously does precisely BECAUSE he is the version all the other ones are derivative of. Hence he’s from the PRIME universe. Shit the Spider-Verse comic book the movie takes mild inspiration from literally says that. Granted it then contradicts itself but the point still stands. Because he is the original one he IS the true one because without him the others would not exist. He is the canonical one!

The true 616 Spider-Man will never be in any adaptation because there is too much continuity…Yeah…so? How does that make him not  the original one in the broad context though when you compare every version?

Continuity is the killer of enjoyment when it comes to movies. No, this podcast is the killer of enjoyment. And btw, maybe ask all the people who went to see Infinity War earlier in the year ITSV was released and ask them if continuity ruined that movie for them. This is such a lazy, myopic attitude.

If continuity is used to exclude people it is bad. Good job nobody was ever saying ITSV shouldn’t exist because Miles isn’t Peter then

Infinity War is a fine movie even if you do not know who everybody is. No it isn’t. Infinity War is wholly inaccessible if you do not know who everyone is because it’s throwing dozens of characters at you with little-no context provided.

Black Panther is better than Infinity War, this proves continuity is bad. No. Black Panther not having to have it’s story wrapped up in everything else in the wider universe was what helped make it better. FFS, Winter Soldier is better than Avengers 2012 and that still relies upon plenty of continuity. Civil War is better than Thor the Dark World and the latter has way less continuity than the former. It’s not about having continuity it’s about how you use it. Black Panther was world building in it’s own corner. It wasn’t plugged in so directly to the wider universe the way Homecoming or FFH was. THAT’s what made it good but that’s not a continuity issue that’s a world building issue.

Continuity is toxic when you use it to claim a long running fantasy series didn’t satisfy you. Uh huh, hey do you wanna ask all the people who hated Game of Thrones’ final season that?

Oh, and one of the pundits, the one who bleeted on about Spidey as a ‘tEEnAgE WHITE mAle wish fUlLfiLmEnt fantasy!’ is a Hollywood actress. Now her views make waaaaaaaaaay too much sense

In conclusion…Sigh…For a podcast called School of Movies I think these guys need to go back to kindergarten.

#Spider-Man #Into the Spider-Verse #spider-man: into the spider-verse #Sony #sony animation #Miles Morales #Gwen Stacy #Peter Parker #Spider-Gwen #Ghost Spider #Spider-Ham #Spider-Man Noir #Peni Parker #SP//dr #Aunt May #May Parker #Kingpin #Wilson Fisk #Peter B. Parker #Tombstone #The Spectacular Spider-Man Animated Series #Spectacular Spider-Man Animated Series #Avengers 2012 #MCU #marvel cinematic universe #Spider-Man: Homecoming #Spider-Man: Far From Home #Black Panther #moviebo #Bob Chipman

[inkedsoldier]

AMOR VINCIT OMNIA - Chapter Nine

A/N: Here it is – chapter nine of the AMOR VINCIT OMNIA series! A bit longer than anticipated, but I don’t think that will bother anyone, right? I’m glad you are enjoying the series. I really appreciate all the feedback I already got on the series so far. Enjoy & please let me know what you think. Thanks for all the support!

 Y/N = Your name.

Y/F/N = Your first name.

Y/L/N = Your last name.

 Characters: Sam Drake, Nathan Drake, Victor Sullivan, Rafe Adler, Nadine Ross, Y/N.

Warnings: angst, mention of blood, injury, drowning.

 Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Masterlist

Chapter Nine Cross’d

 Sam and Nathan were getting closer to Rafe. There must have been at least twelve well-armed mercenaries, prepared to come face to face with a Drake. They were all over the place and not afraid to die. Every man in Nadine’s army was trained to obey orders for even the most horrible acts. The gunshots came thick like winter hail. Cutting through the air with one purpose only. Luckily, both brothers managed to get into the crawlspace without being harmed, taking down all men. “Hey, careful… might be unstable after the blast.” Sam said, following Nate slowly. “Who does excavation with dynamite?” His younger brother chuckled, “Mercenaries… think Rafe would know better, though. Hey, Sam. Help me with this.” There was a beam blocking their way, probably caused by the blast from earlier. “Whoa… what if it’s the only thing holding the tunnel up?” Sam asked. “Then I’ll apologize,” Nate replied.

 Your legs were kicking mid-air and only one hand held onto a small ledge. “Y/N!! Speak to me!” Sully said through the earpiece. The drop down robbed you of the ability to breath normally. “I… I’m… okay, Sully. I’m still here,” you replied as you grab the ledge with your other hand. “You scared the shit out of me, darling” he sighed. “Yeah, I heard that before,” you responded while climbing towards the ridge again. “Okay. Let’s try this again” you whispered. With a single movement you jumped up and climbed on top of the cliff. “I made it. Sully, keep those engines warm, I’m heading into the cave,” you told him before the signal got disrupted.

 With quite a detour Sam and Nathan finally reached the cave. The storm was picking up and it didn’t look good. The four of you still had to get out of the country after finding Avery’s treasure. Heavy snowfall wouldn’t make it any easier. “Let’s go see what Avery left for us,” Nathan said while entering the dark tunnel. “Those Shoreline assholes were right next to this cave,” Sam muttered. “Yeah, but I think we’re the first ones in here,” he said. ‘Well, think again, sailor!” you laughed, standing up from behind a rock.  “Hey, you’re here,” Nathan said as he came walking towards you for a hug. “Well, it was a close call, Nate” you say when he wraps his arms around you. “But I’m glad you are okay. They really can’t stay away from their dynamite, huh?” you went on as Sam comes closer. When he is in front of you, you gently lean in and kiss his warm lips. No words are spoken but the meaning is evident. The three of you walk deeper into the cave, “Is that a door?” you say as you stop in front of some kind of mechanism. “It sure looks like it. C’mere. Check this out.” he replied as he puts his hand in the wall. “A little slimy. There’s a handle in here or something,” Nate continued. “Well… give it a… give it a pull” Sam mocked. Nathan looked him in the eyes, “What? Could be a trap.” “You’re already in there. What’s the… what’s the worst that can happen?” Sam went on. “He can lose his hand, Sam” you warned as you take a step back. “So, we’ll give him a nice hook. Give it a pull.” Sam joked. “Nice hook. Hm, alright. Here we go,” the younger Drake mumbled pulling the handle. A door rolls open and when you walk in you immediately spot a sign, “For those who prove worthy, Paradise awaits… To those who prove false, behold your grim fate… This isn’t Avery’s,” you observed before looking at Nate and Sam. “Look,” you point to the sigil beneath the poem. “It’s the Rhode Island pirate,” Nate states as he takes a closer look. “Thomas Tew.” “Yeah, but it can’t be him. I mean, this is clearly his sigil, but… Tew died attacking the same treasure fleet as Avery. And if this is really Tew’s mark… then that means he’s involved in all of this… how?” Sam asked confused.

 After exploring the cave further, you come up to another doorway. Unfortunately, you were too late to be aware of the trap. As soon as Nate enters the room the door starts closing behind him. “No, no, no, no!” Sam shouts as he pulls you with him into the room before the door closed. “Well, we’re not going back that way,” he sighs as he takes in the trial in front of him. “At least we didn’t get dropped in a pit or something,” Nate responds. There was a large device in front of you with three crosses. “This is… elaborate,” Sam says as he tries to figure out what to do. “You could say that,” you state as you approach Nate. “Found another switch. Yeah, I’m just gonna take the… hand… out. Whoa,” he announced. “This guy clearly failed the test,” you chuckle when Nate takes a step back from the mechanism. “Jesus,” Sam shouts. “Gestas, and Dismas,” you joke while you pay attention to what’s happening in front of you. Nate walks up to the huge wheel and grabs the bucket. “Now what?” Sam asks as you look around. “Well, why don’t you start with cleaning the kitchen, Sam” you snorted. “Ha-ha, funny” he replied. Nathan almost choked from laughing as he jumped down to fill up the bucket with water. As soon as he puts the bucket back in the wheel, three lights and four wheels appear.  “Okay, I think I see what’s going on here,” you began. As soon as you move the bucket to the light on the top a channel ran from the top of the wheel to the door. “Okay, so bucket on top is good. Let’s keep it there. Continuing with the trial you place Jesus in the middle spotlight, Dismas on the left, and Gestas on the right. “Think that’s it?” Nathan asks, checking his notebook one last time. “Well, you could try pulling the switch,” Sam stated. Nathan runs over to the switch to pull it. “Nathan, look… I think we got it!” Sam cheered, seconds before he picks you up and gives you a quick kiss.

 Knowing a lot about Saint Dismas and Avery sure came in handy during this adventure. And not to forget knowing how to climb, because even after the trial there were more broken bridges and steps to conquer. “Hey, hold… hold on…” Nate whispered and stopping us. “What?” Sam replied quietly. “Anything noteworthy by the dormitories?” Nadine asked. “Not unless you count some cleverly worded headstones,” one of her men answered before a familiar voice joined the conversation. “Nadine,” Rafe said. “Make it happen. Rafe, any luck with those manuscripts?” she went on turning her attention to her partner. “Did you hear? They found a whole annexed area under the cathedral?” “I did. Have you seen it?” he replied. “No. Why?” Nadine inquired. “Because there wasn’t much left… after they finished ‘finding’ it. They’re like a hundred well-armed bulls in a china shop,” Rafe scoffed. “…but they’ve made more progress in two days than we’ve made in months,” she remarked with pride in her voice. “Progress? I can’t analyse rubble,” Rafe replied with anger in his voice. “Tell them to sit tight until I analyse the few clues that haven’t been blown up. Okay?” “No, we can’t sit around waiting any longer. We tried things your way… instead of going with my gut, I listened to you. And now we have competition,” the leader of Shoreline bossed. “Well, I didn’t think they would show up,” Rafe replied. “Or maybe you wanted to draw them out,” Nadine hissed. “Why – why the hell would I do that?” he asked with the confusion clearly in his voice. “Because you think you need him. And maybe because you still love her. Point is, I’m done trying to do things the clean way. If the treasure is here, we’ll find it. And if not, well… maybe it’s time to move on, huh? But hey… it’s not personal,” she snapped at Rafe before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. “Let’s get moving before they blow that treasure to bits,” Nate commanded. “Wait… you think she was right? About Rafe wanting to draw you two out,” Sam asked. “As long as he doesn’t get the upper hand, who cares? Doesn’t matter,” Nate answered. You were struck by what Nadine told Rafe. Was he still in love with you?

 It didn’t take long before you come across another door with a switch. “Ugh. I’ll never get used to this,” Nate said before pulling the handle in the wall. The door rolls open and reveals a huge sort of dungeon with a scale in the middle. “It’s another cross. At least this one has some jewels on it, right?” Sam observed. Right as he wants to reach for the cross Nathan stops him, “Whoa, whoa, don’t… touch it. Look at it. It’s the only valuable thing we’ve seen in this cave. This is another test.” “Greed,” Sam responds. “Yeah, or the lack thereof,” you noted. “It’s gotta be the coins.” “Alright, just… just one now,” Nathan commanded Sam who’s now reaching for one of the coins on the measure scale. The moment he takes the coin a light appears from the ceiling and draws a map on the floor. “Whoa. You recognize the shape?” Nathan laughs walking over the shape. “It’s Madagascar,” Sam claimed running over to his little brother. “And look. The star right here. That’s King’s Bay,” you beamed in. “Avery. He’s screwing with us. This was supposed to be it. So where’s the goddamned treasure, huh? I mean, King’s Bay? Great, but what’s next? North Pole? Outer Space?” Sam snapped. “For those who prove worthy… Paradise awaits… He… he was recruiting. Avery was recruiting,” Nathan remarked putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Just as Sam wants to ask about what Nathan means with recruiting an explosion goes off in front of you, knocking you to the ground. “You three are very, very noisy. Guns on the floor. Slowly,” Nadine orders. You toss aside the gun that is strapped to your thigh, following Nate and Sam’s actions. “Rafe. Rafe, come in,” she spoke through her radio. “I’m at the graveyard. Nadine, they were here,” he replied. “Yeah. I’m looking at them right now,” she told him as she looks over to you three. “What? Where are you?” Rafe asked. “Come back to the cathedral. Follow the holes,” she responded. “So, King’s Bay, huh?” she mumbled. “Yeah, but where in King’s Bay? You’ll need that cross over there to figure it out. But.. there’s only a few people that can tell you how to use it,” Sam lied, quietly commanding you and Nate to take a few steps back of the plateau. “Let me guess… you?” she remarked. “Sorry. I’m not here to negotiate. Bring me the crucifix,” she ordered one of her men. “It’s not a crucifix,” you corrected her. “What?” she asked. “Well, technically a crucifix refers to a cross that… you know what… never mind,” you finished. You take another step back until her eyes widen and she quickly tries to stop the mercenary who is reaching for the cross on the scale. “Don’t touch it!!” she shouts. The floor crumbles down and she runs over to the edge of the plateau. “Shoot them!!”

 Just in time you manage to duck behind one of the pillars. “This way, c’mon,” Sam yelled. “Follow me,” he said, running towards the higher platform. “We gotta go up to get out. Nathan?! Y/N, look out!!” Just in time you duck down, avoiding a shot from one of Nadine’s men. As you kick him down you obtain his gun and start running to the nearest exit. “Whoa,” Sam yelped, grabbing you by the arm and swinging to the pillar.  “Man, we really kicked the hornet’s nest, didn’t we?” Sam said. “Yeah, we kicked it, punched it, and set it on fire,” you reply, while shooting down some of Nadine’s men on your way out. “Sam, watch the turret!” Nathan yelled. “Nice shot! Got’em! Nice shot, little brother! That’s it, let’s keep moving!” Sam responded.  

“Goddamnit, Nate! I can hear the fireworks from here. What the hell’s going on?” Sullivan said through the radio. “Long story; short version is get us the hell out of here!” Nate replied. “Yeah, I figured. Hold tight, be there as soon as I can!”

 You had to get out of this place as fast as possible. You were low on ammo and the adrenaline was keeping you focussed, at least for now. The wind was picking up again and the snow danced around you. “Just keep heading down until we hit the water,” Nathan commanded. “Kid, they’re shooting at my plane. Hurry the hell up, or your ride’s gonna sink!” Sullivan said through the radio. “We’re almost there, Sully” you say through your earpiece. “Okay, here we go… ah!!” You jump down and slide down the rocky slope towards the plane. The moment you hit the freezing water something hit your head. The water closed around you. Red and black spots danced in front of you and you couldn’t remember if your eyes were opened or closed.

 “Aahh! Sully! Get her going!” Nate shouted  climbing into the plane, followed by Sam. “Where the hell is Y/N?” Victor asked. “What?! She was behind me,” Sam replied in panic. “Shit! No!” He looked around, but you were nowhere to be seen. Nathan dived back into the ocean, dodging bullets, searching you. “Where the hell is she?” Sam yelled taking a quick breath and going under again. As soon as he turns left he spots you motionless, sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness. Faster than he had ever swam he raced to you. Your eyes were closed. He waisted no time and hooked his arms underneath yours, pulling your body close before heading back to the surface. “Sam?! Sam!” Nathan screamed. “I got her. She is not moving, Nathan!!” the older Drake replied. When he reached the plane, Nathan and Victor grab your arms and pull you inside the plane. “We need to go, boys,” Sully said. Sam quickly enters the plane to help Nathan with you, when Sully shuts the door and takes off. “Y/N, wake up!” he screamed shaking your body. He placed his ear next to your mouth and nose. Your chest wasn’t moving and there was no pulse to be found. Nathan started CPR and hoped you would start to breath again. “Come on, sweetheart. You got this,” he mumbled. “No, no, no, come on, Y/N. I can’t lose you. Not again,” Sam whispered before checking your breathing and pulse again.

  When Nathan was about to pull his brother away from you, to start another round of CPR, you started coughing up water. “Oh god,” Sam said in relief when you were breathing again. It was hard to make out the details of where you were right now as you slowly open your eyes. You tried to sit up, but Sam stopped you, “Don’t, Y/N. Stay down.” You lay on the cold floor while he cleaned your face from the blood that streamed down from the gash on your forehead. “That needs some stitching” he said to you. “You scared me, sweetheart. Don’t do that again, please.” You tried to talk but it took way too much energy at this point, so you just nodded. Slowly you close your eyes again when Nate covers you with one of the blankets that you left in the plane earlier.

 Tag list: @kiara-arts​ @wintermuteway​

#Sam Drake #Nathan Drake #Rafe Adler #Imagine #fanfiction #reader insert #sam drake x reader #nathan drake x reader #y/n #uncharted #series #uncharted 4 #samuel drake #nate drake #writing #imagines #uncharted series #amor vincit omnia #love conquers all #nadine ross #victor sullivan #henry avery #videogame #stories #oc #uncharted imagine #uncharted x reader

[casually-inlove]

I'm a bit curious about the change in He Tian's attitude towards Mo in some earlier 2016 moments. He looked like he was playing around with Mo and even taunt him then, but the kiss came out of nowhere, and he is now having a crush on the boy. What do you think that makes him interested in Mo in the first place, and at which point did he start taking their friendship seriously, and started loving Mo?

Hey there, anon!

That’s a fabulous question actually. At some point, I also wondered what it was that made He Tian interested in Momo to begin with, or when this transition actually happened, and I was addling my head a lot over it, lol. I can only speculate here, but nonetheless here goes.

First of all, let’s take a look at how OX initially presented He Tian. We saw a wealthy, privileged and somewhat snobbish boy, who enjoyed top grades and enduring popularity among other students. Hell, even the teachers were fond of him, while girls flocked around He Tian every break. Whatever he said or mentioned was being met with giggles and bashful sighs. You get the picture. 

Unfortunately, it’s all but a pretty wrapping. In reality, none of those people knows who He Tian really is. We as readers know that in fact, He Tian suffers from profound loneliness. We know that despite all that money, he barely has any noteworthy personal possessions. That he still experiences the aftershocks of childhood traumas. That his relationships with his family are deeply fractured. People who surround He Tian on a daily basis could be described as sycophants. Their adoration towards him is pretty shallow. They are so crazy about him why exactly? Because he’s handsome, rich, popular, etc. Not saying that it’s a bad reason to like someone, but it’s not particularly meaningful either.

Anyway, this leads me to my main point. He Tian is used to that sort of shallow attention and plays along with it for his own reasons. He’s used to people nearly applauding him for whatever he does. He’s used to people wanting to be near him. If we think back to his childhood, we’ll see that instead of a mother he had been (apparently) surrounded by maids (?), who were hired to care for him (and that’s apparently why he’s so bad at house chores, haha). 

Case and point: he’s used to being in the center of attention and having people bend over to his whims.

And then… cue Mo Guan Shan, who gives zero fucks about He Tian. Who gives zero fucks about his popularity or his money, who has the balls to tell him to bugger off in the rudest ways possible. Momo doesn’t dance to his tune, and that’s something new to He Tian, something he hadn’t experienced before.

So… Momo comes off as belligerent, dirty-mouthed school bully who is contemptuous towards those rich and powerful (he has reasons for that, but still Momo’s view is tinted through his own childhood experiences). There’s raw honesty in Mo Guan Shan and that initially fascinates He Tian. Let’s admit it: He Tian comes off as being bored or somewhat indifferent towards life. The fact that there’s one person who doesn’t bow and kowtow before him is refreshing. That’s probably one of the reasons why He Tian hires Mo to cook and clean for him in the first place. He’s bored and Mo is the cure to his boredom. A cure that runs his mouth, threatens to knock his teeth out and outright calls him fake and dangerous, haha.

If I were to give a Tvtrope to this one, it would be “I love you because I can’t control you”. He Tian cannot approach MGS normally, like how he would have approached anyone else. Friendly attitude doesn’t work with him. Momo truly reminds me of a stray dog that is used to people treating it so badly that it would bite the hand that tried to pet it. There’s also a matter of MGS being very prideful. That raw honesty of his doesn’t fade away even when He Tian gives him beatings or pays him to do house chores. Sure, he takes the money but he never sugarcoats his attitude, never hides his distaste for He Tian and people like him. He makes it clear that he HATES every second of being near HT or in his apartment, yet he manages to put it aside when needed. 

Anyway, I digress. I believe that fascination on He Tian’s part had been rather instantaneous. It may have very well happened during the fight between XiXi and MGS. Momo has shown that he didn’t follow any rules, and literally had a savagely pragmatic side to him (when he used a stone to hit XiXi). That was probably the moment when HT’s curiosity was aroused. He’s not used to seeing people like that.

The kiss scene is also very telling. From the easiness with which He Tian invades personal bubbles of the others, we can surmise that he thinks it’s no big deal, and if it’s no big deal to him, he literally thinks it’s the same way for everyone else. As I mentioned before, he’s used to people being willing to “give in” to him, hence he seems to have a mindset that he can take whatever he wants (like a spoiled brat, haha) and that nobody ever would mind — precisely because they are willing to begin with. This fails with MGS. Not only he reacts violently, he begins crying. That’s absolutely not the kind of reaction He Tian was expecting; you can blatantly see it written all over his face. He even asks Momo if he finds HT disgusting. 

I believe that’s when He Tian actually felt a pang of guilt for his doings. The way Mo Guan Shan reacted is extremely human and understandable. Someone he DESPISED came up and forcefully pushed their tongue into his mouth, forced him into a kiss that is by all means just another taunt or a joke, not to mention that by the looks of it, it was his first kiss — something that in many cultures is considered to be nearly sacred. And He Tian probably for the first time in his life experienced a rejection. He wanted someone who didn’t want him, and there’s nothing his cool reputation or money could do about it. He also realized that he disgusted somebody — also something new to him. The novelty of it all, the unexpected guilt — these are the new feelings in his otherwise stale daily life. Mo Guan Shan made him experience something dramatically different.

Another point is that there are rather obvious parallels drawn between Momo and that puppy He Tian used to care for. He saved that puppy from a violent mountain torrent and nursed it back to health, just like he saved Mo from She Li and the angry mob later. He Tian’s failure to protect that puppy from “death” (like He Cheng made him believe) is one of the unresolved issues of his past, which he tries to rectify (or I should rather say, prevent from repeating itself) with Mo Guan Shan. Subconsciously he might be projecting that dog onto Mo Guan Shan, although he seems to be very much aware of his own associations, as he calls Momo his puppy.

During the time He Tian spends taunting and forcing Mo to do stuff, he learns things that make him admire Mo. Like Mo’s refusal to sugarcoat his attitude, the fact that he’s shouldering a heavy financial burden, that he’s actually extremely hardworking, that he has pride and doesn’t entertain shallow ideas of being someone’s monkey on a display even for a princely reward. He Tian discovers traits that he likes. He Tian discovers that under that hard-shell hides someone very honest and raw.

Lastly, if you think about it, Momo and He Tian are somewhat very similar: both of them have been marked by isolation. Mo has been ostracized because of his father’s imprisonment, and grew up being mistreated by likes of She Li and possibly looked down on due to his poverty. He’s withdrawn into a shell out of fear of being hurt, and he the way he views others is marked by suspicion and trust issues. He’s used to people acting nasty to him and, as sad as it sounds, to Mo this is a normal occurrence. What’s abnormal and suspicious is when somebody pulls a random act of kindness on him. And that’s what makes him think “why? what’s their agenda? what’s the catch?”. He Tian, on the other hand, is isolated because of his money and family influence. People who surround him are sycophants, those fangirls and fanboys, whereas in reality not only they don’t care for who he is, they probably wouldn’t even believe if he admitted to being a broken bird. Cause that’s unfathomable, right? Someone who has been born with a silver spoon in their mouth cannot be unhappy or hurting or alone. On top of that, he also has experienced his trust shattered, by his older brother, no less. He feels betrayed. He Tian is just as lonely — if not more — as Momo. So I guess that makes them — two coyotes from the same hill? Or how that Chinese “two peas in the pod/birds of a feather flock together” saying goes, haha. But even still, Momo has something that He Tian never had: someone to love and fight for (Mo’s mom), a home where he’s cherished. I think on subconscious level He Tian craves that, and Momo enables him to vicariously live that life he never had. Does it even make sense? xD

At which point He Tian’s playing around grew into something more serious? I think the kiss episode was akin to a bucket of cold water doused over He Tian’s head that made him reconsider some of his ways. What really triggered his desire to help MGS was probably the plot devised by She Li and the consequent fight. It may have made him suspect that MGS with his financial issues is far more vulnerable to shady vultures than he initially thought and that MGS is walking on an edge here. A little push to the wrong side and he would end up in deep shit. It’s after that fight that He Tian realizes how much Momo is shouldering by himself, and it’s then when we see him try helping him, like getting him a part-time job in that photography studio. Incidentally, it’s also when he’s started to find out Momo’s other sides. Like him being industrious, or unwilling to entertain an idle crowd of onlookers, etc.

Undoubtedly, He Tian’s feelings grew after the mob fight, where Momo got badly injured. We actually see him scared of losing MGS. Not to mention his consequent visit to his father — well they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s also clear to me that Momo’s display of care (during He Tian’s nightmare) had a big impact on HT. That’s when his violent tendencies of forcing Mo gradually fizzled out and became a lot more playful.

So all in all, He Tian probably started to gain feelings once he realized that Momo had his reasons to act like a delinquent, and that underneath it all there lay a person with integrity, who had been simply disenchanted by life and the circumstances that befell on his shoulders.

Whelp, that’s again a long-ass post. These are but my speculations and I don’t aspire for it to be 100% accurate, but I think I jammed in most of my ideas here.

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guan shan #ask #old xian #q&amp;a time

[whats-the-story-tc]

26th-28th of April, 2020

"The Ones with the Series of Unfortunate Events"

[LONG AS FUCK SORRY]

After what happened on Saturday, I could barely fall asleep at night. I had a splitting headache from all the crying and genuinely felt like shit. Morning came, and I immediately reached for my phone. Nothing from her. It still being quite early, I tried to go back to sleep, and spent a full hour tossing and turning, a head full of thoughts, until I couldn't take it anymore. I turned my phone on and checked the notification bar, only to see a very familiar name and face.

I submitted my essay to her already, way before it was due, so when she actually assigned it in Google Classroom, I just pressed 'Mark as done' and thought I was good to go. V has obviously seen it (two links here). And, even though I didn't submit jackshit this time, she still felt the need to send me a "Thank you :)". I was overjoyed. FINALLY. So, as I explained here already, I had an impulse thought and decided to respond. "And thank YOU for the "task". I had a lot of fun with it. (I mean, the [poet's name] one.) If you're ever curious about anything of this sort, don't keep it to yourself :)" Of course, I regretted it as soon as I sent it. And, of course, I knew I wouldn't get an answer.

I promptly took a full day of rest after that, like I was trying to recover from a bad break-up. I didn't expect to hear from her again the next day.

Monday morning. New notification. Same old love of my life. She assigned us a project we'd already spoken about last week — to reinterpret a monologue from the play I read, the one V really likes, in any shape or form. Painting, video, prose, or, to quote V: "tiktok (not that I know how that works, but it's your choice)". She also said that she wants to keep what we make, maybe even share them with our Geo/Art teacher. I got even mote excited than when she first announced this. I knew I wanted to draw something, to show her a side of me she'd never seen before. I'm starting it on Friday. Doing a bit of painting, too. Wish me luck.

At around 2 PM that same day, Pocketwatch Friend noticed V's reply to her essay and asked me how she should respond to her. Found it quite funny, not gonna lie, knowing my history with replies. And as my friends told me about the responses they got, I realised a fundamental difference. All of them were skimmed over going into detail. They noted them fine, but didn't take the time to explain why they were noteworthy. So basically, they lacked content. Meanwhile the only things she spent paragraphs pointing out about my essay were miniscule stylistic mistakes. This gave me a fair bit of reassurance about what I do. I did enough. I was enough.

Come Tuesday, I was a nervous wreck to say the least. I always am, when it comes to online classes, but especially so when I have class with V. I walked up-and-down in the room, listening to her talk, not daring to say a word. God, I wish I kept to that.

Before I get to the part where y'all laugh at my misery, a teensy bit of prelude. Here I mentioned that the first time I had spoken to V after class, the 11th of October, 2018, we spoke about Hamlet. In short, I was a bit oblivious, and didn't really know how to recognise the Oedipus complex I've seen associated with the play. We were covering the story of Oedipus anyway, so I trotted up to her after class to talk. I remember the afternoon Sun shining really bright that day, and V being very relaxed and fully in her element as she spoke, leaning against my desk (that I wasn't sitting at by then). I went home smiling, unable to get her out of my head after that. It should've been clear from that day.

Now, on to class. There were a lot of good bits, a lot of interesting bits... but I don't want to talk about those now.

Last ten minutes, V asks if there are any questions. "I might just have one." I said, and immediately regretted it, even though I could hear the smile in V's voice as she said "Off you go". Theatre/Literature buffs, I'm sure you'll know the line "Frailty, thy name is woman!" from, you guessed it, Hamlet. Now, in the poem we were talking about, there was a line with the exact same structure, only with different words in the place of frailty and woman. I tried to twist it and see if V made that same association, but luck didn't favour me that day. V had no last clue what I meant when I said the quote was familiar. I tried to explain it to the best of my abilities, though I didn't remember the exact Hamlet quote. Neither did V. "I don't really know Hamlet by heart." "Neither do I!" I tried to counter, but just made it more awkward. Bless her soul, V googled it there and then, but just by me saying it was said to Gertrude, it brought up another play with another Gertrude — coincidentally, the one V stroke up a conversation about with me on the very last day of actual school. Those being the results made V laugh, so at least that's a win from my part. I ended up looking it up myself, trying to remember the quote, and ended up answering my own damn question. "So it was the grammatical structure, then?" V asked, with that very same peace in her voice as last year, and I excitedly replied "Yes!". Conversation over. And even though she genuinely sounded interested, I hated myself for bringing up a totally unnecessary thing. Though I hope that I made V "pull [Hamlet] off the top shelf" after class, as she said she might, were it not for me finding the answer.

I was already feeling horrible. Then, V brought up the assignments mentioned earlier and sounded really excited about it, starting to list what she imagined us doing. "A rewrite of the scene in the play..." and as she was saying my name, I grinned and asked her "Was this an indirect reference?". I needed no further convincing that she, indeed, read what I texted her. But here comes the part I laugh at now, but right then it was horrible. She actually chuckled at my teasing question, and God I wish I remembered what she said. Then I said: "I was actually planning on something else, but..." because I found it an interesting idea, and I have been meaning to do that, too. And that's where it got awkward. V, the usually unfaltering and confident V, was startled. Proper startled that she might have accidentally changed my mind. She started saying "oh, no, I didn't mean it like that, I was just trying to predict things..." and that made me worried, so after the oh no, I immediately started rambling "no, no, of course, I know what you meant, I understand". So there we were, talking over each other, both of us a nervous mess that we may have said something wrong we didn't mean. Right now, I find it absolutely hilarious, because how on Earth did we manage that?? But there and then?

I started crying. Silently, of course, not to worry her even further. (I didn't want to turn my mic off because I was scared it would malfunction again.) But I was so tense, that all my gasoline pool of nerves needed was this little spark of awkward, and it caught flame. I stood there, tears streaming down my cheeks, blaming myself for speaking and thinking I should've just shut up.

Soon after, V told us not to stress about the assignment, because "it's just homework". Everybody's favourite Cynical Twat, who is even worse at social situations than I am, tried to express he was glad to hear that, but did so in a very confusing and sarcastic way that V didn't really understand. "It would be pretty shitty of me" to make us stress, she said. So I dried my tears and jumped in, because she deserved to hear the compliment. "I don't mean to speak for [Cynical Twat], but I think he meant that we're all glad you said that. Not many people do it like that." I told her something along the lines of that. "Oh, okay." she said, disbelief thick in her voice. Hey, V. We bloody love you. It's time you start believing it.

Class ended soon after, and I spent about twenty minutes sobbing and cursing myself. The message from Pocketwatch Friend saying "I can't believe [V] replies to everything" as they were talking about her essay, only made it worse.

That night, I had a conversation with one of my underclassmen I talk to every once in a blue moon. We were discussing school and teachers, and I intentionally didn't bring up V. I waited for her to. Though, okay, I did provoke it a teensy bit, but just slightly. So, we talk about her, and through the things the girl says, I find out that... heh, of course, I'm not the only one she strikes up convos with. Turns out, after a joke, V even winked at her! (Okay, she did that to me once, too, when I stood up for her in class, but that's not the point.) After that, I was carrying the convo on just fine, but inwards, I was spiralling into a great big void of 'You ain't special to her, bitch, the fuck were you thinking'. The girl ended the conversation with "the woman's weird (...) but that's how we love her". Right. Yeah.

Now, two days later at current, I'm back in the room where all the crying went down. Bit surreal, thinking back. I'm sure I won't forget this for quite a while. Will my unlucky strike stop anytime soon? I don't know. We'll see. But I don't think anything could surprise me anymore.

You may take that as a challenge, V.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 26

Chapter Summary - Tom asked Alexianna and Lily to join him for a few days with his family, leading to her discussing Daniel and a small revelation regarding her and her brother of late, which Tom tries to assist with.

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

Previous Chapter

Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna

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Alexianna looked at Tom with a look of concern on her face. It had been over a month since he had handed her her divorce papers and in that time he has spent as much time as was physically possible with her though it was quite difficult with the Ragnarok premiere and press junket that needed to be done also. Since his return, he had been adamant to bring both Alexianna and Lily to his mother's in Suffolk. The Hiddleston family had planned to get together over the Halloween break to spend time as a family. Alexianna felt that she and Lily would be intruding on their time and as such did not see it as her place to go, Tom, on the other hand, felt it was not right it to turn up to his family home without them. This led to the yet another concerning issue for Alexianna, because of the situation before we're Diana turned up to Tom's house unexpectedly, his mother was well aware that she and Tom were sharing a bed from time to time, but to turn up at his family home, for his sisters and their husbands to know the intimacy of the relationship even with the occasional being spotted by the paparazzi, it made her feel somewhat exposed and uncomfortable.

‘I'm not sure, I mean don't you want to spend time with your family? Just your family?’

‘Yakov and Jack have always been welcome at my mother's even before I married my sisters, come to think of it, they were more welcome then, because since then they have married my little sisters, well one little sister, one is older but still smaller than me so I can count for something, surely?’

‘So she was less inclined to like them after their married your sisters?’

‘No, my mother is very fond of them still, it's me isn't as welcoming considering they are my sisters.’

‘What if Daniel treated you like that? A tad hypocritical is it not?’ She argued.

‘I am aware of Daniel's opinion of me, I think you forget I was there the night that he came to the car to invite me in.  I know it was not to say hello, but the scope out exactly what I was doing and what I wanted from you. he made it quite clear how little he approved, but he is your older brother, I understand and respect him looking out for you. Same as I did with my sisters. Speaking of which, when is your brother home?’

‘He...I don’t think he is coming anytime soon.’

‘Lexi?’

‘He went on a holiday with a few of the guys off the rig and met someone.’

‘That’s nice, isn’t it?’ Tom asked.

‘No I am happy for him, I am. I just...Lily is asking to see him and I feel guilty that he is not here.’

‘Lexi, you knew he would find someone sooner or later, and with how good he has been with Lily, he was going to be taken by some girl.’

‘I know, and I want to be happy, but I have not heard from him in two and a half weeks and the last time I did was a “Fine” text, nothing more.’

‘Did you contact him since?’

‘Four times.’

Tom swallowed slightly, conceding that indeed, that was somewhat noteworthy. ‘Maybe he’s busy?’

‘I know he is, he has a picture of her and her kid on Facebook, he went with them to the zoo.’ Tom did not know what to say. ‘I am not being unreasonable. I am so happy he has someone, but he’s all I have left as a family now, so even a once a week “Hey sis, hope you’re okay,” would be nice. I mean, I don’t want anything from him, only to talk every now and then.’

Tom pulled her to him and kissed her temple. ‘I think that is fair enough. I try to contact my sisters with anything I find out that I think they will enjoy or if I have any news. I never go longer than a week without some form of contact.’

‘That’s all I want.’

‘Why don’t you send him a text or an email saying that, just that you miss talking to him, that you see he met someone and you’d love to hear about her?’

‘Isn’t four messages unanswered embarrassing enough?; She sighed. ‘About Suffolk…’

‘Please consider coming, everyone really wants to see you and Lily, in fact, Sophie hasn't stopped going on about it. Emma isn't giving her a cousin, so I think she is stealing Lily as one. she seems to think this is brilliant, a new cousin without all the baby stage where they are apparently boring and straight to the “someone to talk to about films, TV and toys” phase, while also being someone she can be older than, which apparently matters, as it gives her seniority, so she can still be the boss that she thinks she is, she is excited to have someone to play with. And the fact, of course, she is another girl, Yakov’s brother only has two boys, I think she's sick of being the only girl.’ For a man of thirty-six, Tom seemed to have perfected the “puppy dog pleading eyes” technique and was using it in an attempt to convince her into going to the event.

Alexianna did her best to not look him in the eye as he did it, ‘You’d think since I have a four-year-old, I would be used to this, but you were taking it to a whole other level, mister.’

‘Is that a yes?’ he asked, with a cheeky grin on his face.

‘Fine.’ she conceded. Though she looks slightly concerned, there was little denying that she had an excited look on her face also. ‘At least I know the people there.’ she laughed, ‘Well most of them.’

‘Yakov and Jack will know how you feel, considering he had to do this at one stage, they are very nice people.’

‘The difference being, neither of them came with extra baggage, did they?’

‘Lily is not baggage, stop that now. My family know about her and are very excited to meet her. My mum adores her, Emma adores her, Sophie is dying to meet her, so is Sarah and Yakov, and Jack is just waiting to see who this girl is that Emma has not stopped talking about and has probably told him every last detail of what you used to do together when you hang around when your kids.’

‘We were teenagers, not kids.’ Alexianna stated indignantly.

‘You moved next door when you're eight, who started out of kids.�� Tom argued. ‘I promise, it will be a lovely time, it always is. Just make sure to pack an extra warm jacket. It's fun to walk by the sea but it can get pretty chilly.’

*

Tom looked at Daniel’s profile page in front of him on the computer screen. part of him thought it was best to not to interfere, but knowing how much it upset Alexianna to not be speaking more often with her brother. He felt, as her partner, that perhaps, since she was scared to try and contact him yet again, he could try. He was certain, going by the way Daniel acted around his sister and his niece, that this “snuff” was unintended, more than likely brought on by his own new relationship. So clicking on the message icon, Tom type a very short message to the other man, hoping to reinstate contact between the siblings.

Tom -  hello Daniel, I do not wish to insert myself into something that is not my business, but I feel I need to speak to you regarding Lexi. Of late, she is under the impression that you were in some manner not speaking to her. She says that she has tried to make contact with you on a few occasions but that you never responded. I am aware that this really isn't my business, but considering it is upsetting Lexi and indeed Lily, I thought I would ask if there was an issue because I am sure neither of us wants either of our girls unhappy for no reason.

Tom looked at the message for several minutes, wondering if it was like to send it at all, but remembering just how upset Alexianna was and indeed, seeing with his own eyes that Lily was actively asking when she could speak to her uncle again, he hoped he was making the right decision before clicking send.

Hardly two minutes later, the message symbol came up on his own screen, telling him that he had a new message. Seeing that was Daniel, he inhaled deeply and clicked on it.

Daniel - Hello Tom, I have to admit I was slightly confused as to you contacting me but having read why I can understand. No there is no issue between myself and Alexianna, I kept getting her messages, but if I am honest, I kept thinking to myself I would reply to them soon, but never did. Hearing how hurt she and Lily are by this, make me feel somewhat guilty. I haven't even told her about Anna or indeed when I plan to see her and Lily again soon. Thank you for telling me this, I can imagine it felt somewhat awkward contacting me, considering I am her older brother, but I appreciate it.

Though if I'm honest, it's weird seeing “our girls” on your message. Just goes to show, it's been me and Alex for far too long. I will contact her as soon as I finish here, I'd rather call her instead of just typing something maybe that might make up for some of my lack of contact. But other than that, is she ok?

Tom -  She's fine, she has some news for you actually quite a bit of news, all good. different things have been coming together for her she's incredibly happy and I think it was a little gentle nudge, perhaps with your help, I can convince her to get a slightly bigger place for herself and Lily, while still within reach of Lily's School.

Daniel - Shit, I forgot that she's started, what sort of brother am I?

Tom -  if it's any consolation, I did the same with Sophie.

Daniel - I'm going to assume that is your niece. It doesn't make it any better, I always promised Lily that I would do everything I could for her, so for me to not even ask how her first day of school went, that's just wrong. I can't thank you enough Tom for contacting me. I'm here spending time with Anna and her sister, I don't even spend time talking to my own.

Tom - You can change that now by contact with them, both of them are really hoping to hear from you.

Daniel - Thank you, Tom, thank you for looking after them and for not using them as camera fodder, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified that you would do that.

Tom - I understand. Who knows, we might see you soon.

Tom came offline and sat back for a moment, thinking about what he had just done, hoping it was the right thing to do and that Alexianna would not feel betrayed by him contacting Daniel on her behalf.

* As it turned out, Alexianna was elated by his interference, as it meant that she was finally speaking with her brother again. He told her about Anna, her age, her job, her hobbies and other bits and pieces about her. her father had remarried ten years ago and had a child with his second wife, but he had been killed in a car accident, so Anna now helped to care for her sister Joanne a lot, hence the photo of them at the zoo with her. Apparently, any guy that Anna would go with had to be ok with Joanne, that had caused Alexianna to laugh, no one would be more perfect than Daniel. He told her about where he was living now, Edinburgh. He insisted that she and Lily would have to come and visit soon when Lily was on holidays from school, but that he would make his way down to them beforehand, the end of October was apparently too long between visits.

Lily cried with glee at seeing her uncle FaceTime her mum. It took ten minutes to tell her uncle everything that has happened with school, and how she had loads of new friends and of how much fun she was having with Mum and Tom. For her part, Alexianna had the most exciting news. She told Daniel about her divorce, about Edward threats that Jonathan wanted her to sign. Lily, who was across the room when her uncle heard this but able to make out the swear words he was using to refer to the two men. She also told him of what Tom had his friend do, something he messaged Tom about later thanking him profusely for everything he had done. After all of that, Alexianna told him her newest news, she been hired as an intern that would give her extra learning but also a greater income that went hand in hand with her degree.

She has not been successful getting an internship with Luke’s company; Luke explained that her lack of experience and her relationship with Tom made it too complicated for her to work for him, but he gave her CV to a friend of his who wanted to train someone from scratch and it had resulted in her working parttime as well as studying, the HR management arranged a timeshare position for her and another intern that permission to them to both go to college and do their job. it's doubled the time that she would have to work as an intern but the income was greater than what she earned before, it was listed employment and went hand in hand with her degree, so in short, it was perfect for her.

Immediately Daniel did as Tom has also suggested and asked her to consider getting a bigger apartment, telling her that with her age and the fact that she was in school, Lily needed her own room. Clearly, Tom had whittled her down some bit because she listened to him before making her objections. He told her to find a place, he would pay the deposit for her, as well as moving van, and to give them the address, as well as Lily's room dimensions, because he was going to get her a bed and matching room furniture just for her. Alexianna immediately began to objective, but it was clear Daniel would not be moved, insisting that it was the right thing to do and something she had earned, reminding her of every fault and issue that she had had in the apartment she was currently in. Though she did not wish to admit it, his sister knew that he was right.

With promises to see them soon, Daniel said his goodbyes, leaving a happy and somewhat relieved Alexianna looking at her phone wondering what caused a brother to ring her out of the blue. It was only ten minutes later, when she was making a cup of tea for herself, that Alexianna realised he had mentioned her getting the bigger apartment in the exact same way Tom had. She needed to take out her phone and pressed the dial button.

‘Hello Lexi, how are you this afternoon?’

Alexianna immediately noted Tom's delighted tone. ‘Actually, I'm great thanks how are you?’

‘Good, yeah.'

'I actually wanted to talk to you about something.’

‘Okay?’ Tom was unsure by her tone if this was a good or bad thing.

‘I just got the most unexpected phone call,’ she began.

‘Good or bad?’ Tom realised she was referring to a call from her brother.

‘Great actually, care to guess who it was from?’

‘The National Lottery?’

‘Don't be a smartass. Why is it my brother, the brother I have not spoken to in quite a few weeks, rings me up out of the blue, asks me how I am getting on and then goes on with the exact same idea as you for me to get a bigger place?’

‘Because perhaps maybe it is a good idea?’ Tom suggested. ‘You know the saying “Great minds think alike”.’

‘You do realise the second part of that is “But fools seldom differ”? don't you?’

‘We both know I'm no fool.’ Tom grin was audible over the phone.

‘Tom, did you contact Daniel?’ Alexianna asked, her tone did not give away her emotion at this question.

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you were upset and personally I did not think that it was because your brother had an issue with you as to why he did not contact you, so I said I would ask myself. You had said that after your own unanswered texts that you did not think it best for you to contact him again, so I thought perhaps I could help. I'm sorry if I overstepped the mark, I was just worried for you and Lily, I didn't want to see you unhappy, especially if there was no reason for you to be. I won’t always be able to stop things from hurting you, as much as it kills me to say it, but I felt I could help with this.’

‘Thank you, Tom, it was a little weird when I figured out it was you, considering it is my brother and you already made it clear how awkward it can be between boyfriends and brothers but I'm really happy that you did it, thank you. It made Lily’s day.’

‘Anytime. Are you ready for this weekend?’

‘No. but it's coming anyway isn't it?’

‘You will love it, wait and see.’ Tom promised.

#Life is a Game of Risks #chapter 26 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

[bibliothesoph]

Neverland, At the Foothills by Crocodile Creek (part 12)

Ebb and her goats have always been one of Simon's favorite features of the island. He stumbled across them long ago when he was new to everything and just learning how to fly. The land gave him that, the gift of flight, or so Ebb told him. She told him lots of things about the land. The land was the thing that she understood above all else. There was some connection there, apparently––Ebb and the land. Penny might've had fairy magic, but Ebb's magic was something different. Some unspoken bond between her and the earth that she made sure to pay back in full by taking care of the goats.

Simon was pretty sure that this––visiting Ebb and the goats––wasn't a part of the stories that Baz had heard or told. The "noteworthy" things were the battles, not his friendship with the woman. So he was excited to show Baz this part of his life. A part that no one (apart from Penny, but he wasn't letting him think about her now) knew.

"Just so you know," Simon says as they approach the area beyond Crocodile Creek at the foothills of the mountains. He's got Baz on his back, arms around Simon's shoulders and neck, since Baz's fairy dust ran out and Simon doesn't have another fairy to replace it. "Ebb is kind of...special."

"Special how?" Baz asks, his mouth against Simon's ear. "Is she a witch?"

"Sorta. She's got natural magic. Land magic. But she's also got the ability to feel people's emotion when she touches 'em. I think that's just how Ebb is, though, not because of the nature magic."

Simon drops them by Ebb's house. It's a warm day so she's herding the goats around the pasture outside of her small cottage, letting them feed on the overgrown grass and bask in the warm sunlight. Simon's face lights up when he sees her. He takes Baz's hand and drags him over to Ebb.

She's a broad-shouldered woman with kind eyes and a warm smile. She cries a lot, so much so that she looks like she's on the brink of tears. She's middle-aged but she looks older and worn, like she's seen and been through a lot in her younger years.

"'Ello, Simon," she says.

He gestures to Baz by his side. "Hiya, Ebb. This is my new friend, Baz. Baz, this is Ebb."

Baz extends his hand, clearly forgetting that Ebb will be able to feel his emotions with a touch. She loves getting to do this, though, so she surges forward and grabs his hand to shake it. She stares at him for a moment as she absorbs his feelings. She takes a shuddered breath and pulls her hand away.

"My goodness, Baz," she says, "you're feeling a lot right now, aren't ya?"

Baz looks embarrassed so Simon finds his hand again and gives it a squeeze. He loves the feeling of Baz's hand in his own. Baz instantly relaxes at the touch, the tension drifting out of his shoulders.

"Lots of wonder," she goes on, "but also something else, yes? And certainly a good load of it."

She glances at Simon and Baz's cheeks turn red. Simon wonders what she's on about, but it seems like she's decided not to say anything more. Maybe he can get it out of her later.

"So, what do I owe the pleasure, Simon?"

Simon shrugs. "Just wanted to come and say hi. And introduce you to Baz. I'm showing him around, yeah?"

She nods. "How lovely. And how did you two meet?"

Ebb is the only person that never asks Simon about his adventures. Never. Maybe they scare her. Maybe the thought of Simon going up against pirates makes her nervous for his wellbeing. He doesn't mind it, though. He likes talking to her about random things he sees on his adventures––a strange flower, a beautiful creature. The only time she ever asked him about an adventure was when he ended up in that nasty werewolf den. Ebb hates the werewolves.

"They come in the night and try and take my goats," she told him once. It was kind of why he went after the werewolves in the first place. As a way to repay Ebb for all she's done for him over the countless years.

Though, he supposes that the years aren't countless anymore. In fact, he could go home and count them, if he wanted to. (He doesn't.)

"I heard him telling a story one night a while back," Simon explains. "And I was, like, so enchanted by his voice, you know? It was like magic or something, I swear."

"And just yesterday he managed to climb into my window to look for his shadow. He'd lost it, apparently."

Ebb grins. "He always loses it! To be fair, it is a nasty little bugger. Never listens. Always running off." She peers at the ground. "Say, Simon, where's it gone off to now?"

Simon follows her gaze and groans when he sees Baz's shadow and Ebb's shadow but not his own. "Shit. Must've freed himself while I was sleeping."

"Freed itself? Good heavens, Simon, what did you do to the poor thing?"

"I sewed it on for him," Baz says.

Ebb rolls her eyes and readjusts her hands on her staff. "No wonder it keeps running off then, what, with you tying it up and everything. I'd sneak off, too!"

"Is that just something that happens here? Shadows sneak off?"

Ebb laughs. Simon always likes it when she laughs. It's a nice change from the crying. "No, just Simon. Most things 'round here only happen to Simon."

Simon's cheeks flush. "'S not true," he mutters, kicking at a small rock on the ground.

"Big emotions, that boy," Ebb goes on. "Always letting his heart tell him where to go. I've told him, if he just thought about things for a moment, he wouldn't have so many scars from those silly little games with the pirates."

Baz raises an eyebrow at him. "Scars?"

Simon wants to fly off. Maybe dive into the creek and let the crocodiles make a snack out of him.

"Yeah, loads of 'em. Isn't that right, Simon? He always comes to me when he needs fix'n. Or Penny, if she doesn't get too mad at him being all reckless. Such a heart––"

He starts to pull Baz away. "Well, we'd best be off," Simon says, fake smiling at her. "Plenty more to see, right?"

Ebb stares for a moment before setting her shoulders back and standing up a bit straighter. Simon knows that means that she's realized her mistake and remembered the whole social boundaries thing, but he hopes that she doesn't feel too bad about it. Normally he's really comfortable around her. He likes to tell her about everything going on in his life because she likes to listen and give him advice, but he refuses to let Baz in on so many of his terrible habits and little faults. Those can stay between him and Ebb and the goats.

Baz, bless his soul, just waves at Ebb and lets Simon drag him off. Simon takes him to the creek and they sit at the bank of it, watching the crocodiles swim lazily by.

Baz nudges Simon with his shoulder. "Are you okay? I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you."

Simon tugs at his curls. "Yeah, yeah, I know. She just...she likes to embarrass me, sometimes. Usually it's fine because she's embarrassing me to myself, but I didn't want her to embarrass me to you."

Baz leans his head against Simon's shoulder. Simon grins, realizing that he now has the height advantage. He kisses the top of Baz's head in triumph.

"Thank you for taking me to meet her," Baz says. "She really was quite lovely. And I can tell that she cares for you deeply."

Simon rests his own head atop Baz's, intertwining their fingers and putting their joined hands on his bent knee.

"She's like your mother, isn't she?"

Simon frowns. "I didn't––"

"No, no, I know. I mean...she's like your Neverland mother. The one you talk to when you're upset. She's the one that looks after you."

"Penny looks after me, too."

"You know what I mean."

Simon shrugs. "I guess."

Baz lifts his head and looks Simon in the eye. "Well then, I guess I must mean an awful lot to you if you've let me meet your mother."

Simon grins back at him.

He's still smiling when Baz pushes his lips against Simon's. Baz's hands find their way into Simon's hair (Simon wants to ask about his obsession with the curls when they're not busy kissing) and Simon starts rubbing Baz's stomach. As the kiss deepens, Simon hums into Baz's mouth, thinking about how excited he is to have this, the two of them, forever.

#simon snow #snowbaz #baz pitch #penny bunce #carry on #neverland #peter pan #rainbow rowell #fan fic #au

[thesexlessspouse-blog]

I’m at a loss.

In the midst of one of our many arguments about sex, I challenged my wife.

I asked her, did you, in my words, let your last husband suffer the way you have me? He resounding answer, NO. Being the masochistic fool that I am, I pushed.

‘Why not?’ I asked

‘Because he was a whole different thing’, came her illuminating and devastating reply.

Then I realised, at 40 years old, why I’d been battling this all my life. She simply, clearly and totally, did not find me attractive.

Neither did any of my other partners.

I’m not suggesting that they didn’t love me, I’m not suggesting that they didn’t find aspects of my character appealing. In the main, they seemed happy with the life we were having. The problem was solely and wholly, mine.

I ignored the lessons, stupidly and desperately, that my previous, unsuccessful relationships taught me. I am not attractive enough, happy enough, engaging enough, anything enough, to inspire my partners into a sustained sex life. I’m certainly dependable, consistent, hard-working, thoughtful and supportive, but that doesn’t counteract being short, bald, and aged, with pimply thighs, uneven tan, wrinkled face, flaky skin, ugly feet, hairy back, small ears, a stupid red nose, a multitude of scars from removed moles. Basically a small, cranky ball of unappealing traits and noteworthy imperfections. Truth is, I don’t blame her.

Embarrassingly, I’ve been hoping for sex out of companionship, or sympathy, or even pity. I’ve got it completely wrong.

I’m sure some of you reading this will say ‘just talk about it’, and trust me, I have.

Every long term partner has been driven to rage, to sobbing hysterics by my continued questioning, night after night of asking. I’ve been hit by people that don’t hit, screamed at by people that don’t scream. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m tired, I’m so freaking tired.

It’s all my own damn fault, I ignored a lifetime of messages, of hints. I’m such a believer that actions are the key to anyone’s thoughts and there were so many actions. Well, more an absence of them, but you get the point.

I’m at a loss.

I’m not ready to give up that side of myself, to throw it away, to become a sexless being.

I can’t talk about it with my wife, because it builds into a massive argument, becomes so spiteful, on my side as well, that last time she packed a suitcase. She was going to take our two sons, not forever, probably not for long, but I couldn’t lose them, not for a second. So I begged and plead and that didn’t happen. I don’t think she knows that losing them would be a death sentence to me. If I couldn’t be there for them every night, through every hard time, I would feel such failure that it would consume me. As a child I was very anxious, and I spent night after night huddled to an old radio, the music driving away the dark, keeping my comfort. It was the year that ‘Tainted Love’ came out, that song scared the shit out of me. It was irrational and stupid, but I was frightened and 7, I didn’t know anything else for years. I am going to be there for my boys, I’m going to ask how they are doing. I’m going to relieve as much of their pain as they allow.

For the very same reason, I can’t look further afield for sex, I am in very much a monogamous relationship. Her last husband cheated, and he was gone, and I promised I’d never do that. I’m not breaking that promise, and I’m not breaking up the home that my children have.

So I’m at a loss. Completely. I’m a smart guy, and I cannot see a solution. Maybe pornhub will be my only friend. Maybe my deep, dark fears are true, and I am as unappealing to those around me as I am to myself.

What an embarrassing problem to face, what a humiliation. What an outcome to so many years of struggle and stress, to realise that you never deserved what you were chasing, and that everyone could see it but you.

Anyway, why are you reading this? I’m not after pity or praise, vindication or vilification, I just wanted to tell someone. I can’t tell anyone I know, so I tell the internet.

[shoujax]

You can survive, you can endure

The following is not a happy tale.It is not written with the intent to garner pity, sympathy or retaliation for the parties involved. This is a story about child abuse both the psychological and physical variety. This is not a story of revenge, malice or spite. I do not forgive the parties involved, but I bear no ill will. There is love to be sure, as you always love your family, regardless of how mad or crazy they may drive you. I forgive many things in my life. But I will never forgive the overlook, ignorance and at times allowance of my abuse and in later years the callous disregard when I finally began to voice what happened.

This is a story of healing; acceptance, coping and even enduring . I am a survivor of physical and psychological abuse, and to some that statement may seem or come off strong. But that is the phrase I will use: Despite everything, I survived, endured and am healing. There is zero doubt in my mind when my family learns of this they will refute or attempt to explain this in their own way. This is not about them. For the first genuine time in my life, this is about my healing. Not them. They had their chances countless years, and failed me. My siblings, if they remember, probably never will admit these things happened.

So, here I am. 33 years old finally telling a story that should not have needed to be told. There were so many things that could have been done to stop this story from ever needing to be told. But as I said, in order to fully heal I tell this story as it is: true and direct. I must stress under no circumstances must my mother be considered the villain. She DID raise 3 children through 2 very difficult marriages and endured abuse that is never my place to speak of. But she did enable horrible abuse from the age of 8 to 16: the psychological horrors of my father notwithstanding. That I do not forgive because he never has felt remorse or allowed me to talk about it in depth.The reading subject from here on will be graphic. The end of this tale will I hope shed some light and show my true goal for telling this tale.

The earliest memory I have is Kieth, my biological father and my mother again getting into a screaming and physical fight. My mother had a trailer on my grandparents property because that monster was an abusive, horrible person and my grandfather was truly the one person who scared him more than anything.I would have been about 3-4 at the time. I was smart enough to know something very bad was happening and didn't hesitate, i ran crying to my grandparents house on top of the hill, scared to death I wouldn’t make it in time to get help, but I did. He never could hold down a job.

The next few years saw us move from apartment to apartment to just hide. By this point my brother and sister had been born. When I got old enough to understand better, I found out he violated restraining orders left and right but they never did catch or hold him for very long. There nights I remember consoling my baby sister and little brother trying to keep the noise out because he would find us again. Screaming and banging on the doors and windows for hours. Police would come, he’d flee before they got there. This cycle would repeat more than I ever cared to admit.

The greatest shock of my life was the age of 4-5 was I’m not sure if he did it out of love or fear, but Kieth saved my life: albeit he caused what happened next to occur. They fought yet again and i left with him to go to a nearby gas station for...I’m not even sure what to be honest. He got angry again as we were heading back to the car and he opened the door..and i knew nothing but pain. Somehow he had opened it hard and fast enough that he had busted my head open. He took me to the hospital and the one thing I know I remembered was him holding a towel on the wound as i lay in the front seat. There was a look of worry. I will never know if it was for me or if he was scared for himself. I would like to think there might have been SOMETHING akin to a shred of honesty. I don’t know. I never will.

I had to of been about 6 or so when finally my mother left us with our grandparents and she fled to hide in california.I didnt know at the time, and I dont know what she told my grandparents, but she later admitted to me in my late 20’s Kieth tried to sell me off to a child sex ring for money. She knew her children were in severe danger, and my grandfather was the one person on earth he was scared of. My life was calm….until she returned with her new husband when i was 7-8. His name was Tom. And Tom would begin the longest streak of abuse no child should ever have to endure. 

There was shouting here and there but normal family things. The first true horror began in 3rd grade. I was in the bathroom with my brother brushing our teeth and I don’t know what conversation led him to coming in and getting angry to be honest. Maybe I said something, I don’t know, but whatever it was did not justify what happened next. I was spun around, grabbed by my upper arms, lifted and put firmly against the wall. He had this look of a very angry animal on him...it wouldn't be the first time I ever see “The look” Anger, fury and rage filled him. He told me to knock my shit off and hurry up or i was gonna make everyone late for school. I was...shocked. I didn't tell my mother. But I did tell a teacher. I thought surely it’s gonna help. How utterly wrong and stupid I was. I was picked up and told not to say a word. We went straight to my grandparents house. I couldn't comprehend why I was in trouble until my family rounded on me. How dare I make up a story to hurt him. This was a man who loved you as his own and this is how you repay him? My family was very authoritarian so arguing back or talking in defense was completely shunned. I knew if I said anything it would get it worse. So I sat there dumbfounded and in silence. For the next hour I was berated, talked down to and said what a bad child I had been. And finally the words that burned into my brain. “His heart is like a sheet of paper. You took it and bundled it up and crumpled it. It’ll smooth out as he heals, but there will always be wrinkles.” We went home afterwards and when my mother left, he took a belt and beat me. Spanking me hard, and how dare I embarrassed him like that and if I told anyone about this punishment it would be worse.  Small things happened here and there but nothing noteworthy until we moved to south carolina and ohio. The spankings got progressively worse to the point I had bruises and learned to accept the pain. 

Ohio I dont remember much except for one incident. It was the day I had a school play. He gave me a black eye for I dont even know what reason. My mother put makeup on it to cover it up and told me not to say anything. I never did until now. That was the first time I never spoke out when I should have...maybe I could have stopped it before things got much worse. I was a fool. We moved into a trailer in a new area and my brother and I had to help him make a driveway and clear the land because they had no spare money. A barely teenader working like an adult. I let that go but not what happened next. The spankings kept getting worse, but I guess he thought he’d do worse. He didnt like how thin i had helped make the limestone roadway and told me so. I must have said something to voice how miserable I was. He grabbed a shovel and with the flat side hit me on one side near my chest. The pain was unbearable. I was knocked on my back and while i was down he stomped the other side of my chest. Kneeling down he got as close as he could while I was frozen scared and hurt. He said I made him miserable and I deserved this as I needed to be more of a man. If I told anyone, Hed do worse.I never did and hid the pain well. To this day, my ribs ache if touched wrong. Somehow I held onto hope that maybe finally if my mother saw me miserable and he didn't notice I could stop this pain from ever happening again. Weeks passed and she worked long days while yet again he could never really find solid long term work. I had no chances to do so, and I was growing depressed but never showed it. Finally he hit me as hard as he could in the back of the head when I turned away from him. I made it to my bedroom and laid down. Crying. And at last my mother returned and she must have heard me and walked into my room and said “Josh What’s wrong?” I looked at her almost beggingly and said” My head hurts.” I didnt elaborate. She got angry because she had worked a very long shift and told me if i had a headache go get some medicine out of the cabinet and deal with it. As she left I finally stopped crying staring as an acceptance grew in me. She was NEVER going to help me. She was never going to listen unless she saw it herself. That’s when I realized I could never trust her to tell her any of the bad things that were happening. I suffered in silence for another year. During that time more beatings, more hopelessness and in general a life of what i felt was true genuine fear and hopelessness. I had no clue what was going to happen next. It would get worse.

The older I get, like some, the harder it is to pinpoint exact dates but the tragedy of these next two incidents occurred during my fourth and fifth grade years  While seemingly unimportant to some these two singular events will stay with me forever. To set up the story, my brother had messed up our closet door, naturally we shared a room and all the joy of privacy i got. I was desperately trying to fix it because I didn't want HIM to hear. I had finally succeeded and was about to collapse with joy...until my idiot brother pushed it back inwards and laughed and i let out a yell….HE heard because of course he did. He came in, didn't ask for an explanation, saw what happened and hit me. Then proceeded to stomp and destroy a cherished toy that was my world. Now everyone needs to understand, i was a very introverted child. I didn't make friends easily and had few. I loved to play by myself and had wonderful fantastic imaginary adventures. His reasoning for doing this act was simplistic in his words “You wreck my stuff I wreck yours.” I didn't realize the nightmare wasn’t over yet.

My mother picked us up from school two days later and genuinely looked upset. She explained he burned everything. I got there and went out back and sure enough, the charred remains of a large bonfire were still smoking. He went after all my stuff first. My brother barely had anything touched and my sister, thankfully, was spared the majority. Of course my mother as always did nothing but say she was sorry it happened.

Thanks mom. I can always count on you to make me feel better. A shame you chose misery over your child. As always.

The second event was the court ordeal. Long story short because this one wasn't so traumatic as it was, what I believe, caused a wedge between myself and my brother because we were forced to change schools.They spanked me at school and my mother was outraged. I believe solely because she believed punishment should be handled at home, which I find insanely hypocritical at this point. The paddle they used stung yes, but it did not hurt as much as what step-douche did to me on a weekly basis. I wish she cared enough to go to war with him as she did when she took the school to court and sued. We had to switch schools but honestly.the true problem was what happened before.

See the punishment for what i did ASIDE from that was a day of suspension or sit in a small closet like room all day. No supervision and total isolation. My mother, of course, was not there when we spoke to the principal…step-douche was.He flat out told me if I picked suspension I would regret it. Happy birthday to me, cause thats right, my punishment was carried out on my birthday. Total isolation. And once again no one helped me. Honestly how I never acted out is baffling to me.

That night when I got home and everyone was asleep, i got out of bed around midnight and went to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife I could find. I sat down and rocked and i wanted more than anything to end the life of the person who was causing me pain and inflicting hell on me. I’m not sure why, to this day, I never acted. Eventually about 4 am after sitting there and reflecting I went back to bed. Im not sure why I didnt. I’m glad it passed but I will never know what stopped me that night.

All of this before I was 12 years old and it still wasnt over yet. 6th grade we finally moved back to Florida. Nothing really changed. Except now we enter middle school…

I wish aspergers had been more readily diagnosed and doctors didn't just slap an ADHD label on everything. I was teased, bullied and picked on. I had no sense of humor and couldn't understand things like sarcasm or jokes. Life at home was hard...life at school was hard. My family never listened to anything if it disrupted the status quo. I felt genuinely alone and isolated. Now this wouldn't be a happy story unless I added in a life altering event that actually changed things. It was ironically during a shop class and once again I was being bullied, but for the absolute first time...I retaliated. A detention and oddly...the guy and I actually became friends...I didn't know it at the time. But between being hurt by others and the punishments at home for the weirdest infractions...i came dangerously close to considering suicide. In fact the day this next event happened I had already started planning how I wanted to end it all. The kid who bullied me in shop came up and struck up a conversation about Pokemon and we to this day share a friendship. I told him last year finally, he’s the reason I'm still here. If he had not come up and given me that one act of kindness I wouldn't be here.

I was still bullied all through 10th grade but had friends here and there.It made it tolerable. Junior year is where I hit my lowest and to this day my family does not know what happened.

3 football players ganged up and raped me in a locker room after school. This had nothing to do with my sexuality because at the time I hadn't given it any thought yet. Because my mother always said, “Don't ever do anything to embarrass your grandparents” ad religiously restated this, I decided to be quiet on the whole thing. The sole saving grace being i wasn't too traumatized by this experience as a whole. I did not consent this is true, but it was at the time I was beginning to think about it and maybe that’s why they did what they did. I thought I could trust one of them, and told them, apparently I was mistaken.

There are other things of course, the usual stuff teenagers go through, but the final absolute straw that broke the camel's back was I refused to feed animals my brother and sister wanted. I finally after 17 years told my mother no. I wasn't caring for animals that they should be taking care of and I was tired of everyone else shoving responsibility on me. They had some stupid sporting events after school they were doing. And I was finally sick of it. Its shocking on one level that something so ridiculously mundane as pet care made me finally snap. We argued and I moved out. I couldnt take it anymore. My grandparents, finally, took me in.

Now some of you are probably wondering: why I would I write this down? Is it pity? No I don't want pity. Im now 33 and I have a wonderful, if not always easy, Life I wouldn't trade for anything. There are some updates. The 3 who assaulted me in high school I have forgiven. One is dead and if there is justice he got what he deserved. Another apologized and he actually meant it. He begged for forgiveness and has done good with his life. I bear him no ill will. We all do stupid things, but if we actually are repentant and try to do good, i can honestly forgive. The last has a wife and kids so I won't ruin their life because of my pain and he knows that. He's never apologized but he does worry occasionally if I'm ever going to spill the beans. I have but I haven't named him.

As for my family....Im not sure if I can heal right. They dont want to listen to me. “You’re 33 years old, Grow up and get over it.” “Stop causing drama” “It happened so long ago, what do you want us to do about it?” That last one actually DOES stick with me. I think at the core I want some compassion. I want them to feel bad. My mother isnt an evil woman, there were many good times, but they are completely overshadowed and eclipsed by so much negativity, I cant say she was a good mother. She has never once listened to me and if she reads this I’m going to tell her the same thing I finally worked up the courage to tell my grandmother: “This is not about you. This is about me trying to heal, trying after decades to heal so I CAN move on. For the first time in my life this is entirely about me.” My family remains to this day the greatest source of my stress because they genuinely believe, because they refuse to listen to me and not dismiss what I say, they loved me and supported me financially growing up. You may have, but you failed at making sure your child and grandchild was happy. That I was safe and felt loved and supported. You failed as my guardians and maybe that’s why I’m still trying to heal because you all will never thing you did wrong.

So we come full circle. When I started writing this I borderline thought it would be longer. But it’s ok, it was hard getting through just to this 8th page. And there are other things I can't talk about and probably will never be able to go into because I don't want to deal with being ridiculed and teased as an adult about some aspects. I’ve come to terms with those issues and people who matter know about hidden parts of me.

This wasn't intended to shame, although there is a sliver that hopes maybe if they read this they will feel something, this is about sharing a story. I’m not the only one out there to have a bad childhood. Many do, but it takes courage to talk about it. That’s the point of all of this. Talk to someone. It may take years, but seize the courage and get it out. Dont let it sit there because you have to “tough it out.” That's a bullshit answer older generations have said because they don't want to deal with issues like mental health. And yes it is hard to finish writing this as I just told a friend while I write. But before I finish I have some people who deserve to be named specifically for making my life better. And they deserve to be known by name because of the profound impact they have had. This is only people from my childhood.

Fred Eirman. You saved my life in middle school and I have never forgotten it.

David Coburn. My uncle. You were the only one who listened at times. And indulged my likes and hobbies.

Harry Webber. My second cousin. The only person in my family who cared enough when I was at my lowest points to be there for me. While the rest of my family hated you for stupid, pointless reasons.

This isn't a story seeking pity. This is a story that I want to say the following words if it affected you and you also had similar experiences of abuse. I offer the following words and please take them to heart:

You can survive. You can Endure. You can recover.

Reblog and share and even comment. Get this around so MAYBE it can help someone.

#childhoodabuse #healing

[mothergoddessslut]

Booty Things

As a young promiscuous teen, many of my sexual endeavors came about through the wants and desires of the young and some old(ish) men that wanted to try some things out. And I, always with the shits, would go with the flow. The one thing that did not really come up often was anal. 

It was something I did not even consider on my own. Being a girl who grew up in the Bronx amongst populations of Hispanic girls attending Catholic school who viewed anal and oral as deeds to be done while still maintaining their virginity...Anal seemed....unnecessary

But I am with the shits. There is nothing to be said against that.

 My first experience with anal was non consensual. The guy, who I considered to be my teacher, who talked me through my first orgasm, who taught me what sensuality meant... He didn’t stop when I asked. 

He said he would go slow and if I didn’t want to do it anymore he would stop. Well, I didn’t want to do it the moment I felt BURNING around my entire rectum and I squealed “No. No more.” He kept going. I couldn’t move or struggle against him. It was too painful and he was so much bigger than me.  

That marked the end of a relationship. Almost the end of trust in sexual encounters. A fear settled in and collected dust as I carried on, meeting others, having great sex, saying “no, I don’t do anal.” Sometimes trying for someone I really liked (loved) and my butt clenching so tightly and eyes squeezing shut, fists balled so much so that they just said , “it’s cool, we don’t have to.”

Life went on without anal ; although I did like booty things. A finger or two in my butt and a man that would eat my ass seemed like the proper set off for a good night. But I managed to indulge in those things without having to engage in conversation of whether I would take that dick. Because...I wasn’t. 

It wasn’t until D came back around. First love. First of soooo many things. He came back during a time I was lonely. My sexuality bottled up and forgotten. My soul clinging to glimpses of joy that I couldn’t find within myself and searched for in my kids and my family and their kids. And fake lives on Instagram. He came during a time I chose to make a shift in my life to seek personal joy and happiness. He came on time. Our reunion was noteworthy , although not the purpose of this note. But what is most notable is I had not had sex in three years before we reunited. 

I released all of me to him. 

And so it began and thrived. 

We knew that we would and could do ANYTHING to, with and for each other. There were no questions or doubts. We talked about anal and he wasn’t really pressed, recalling the difficulty we had with it in the past. Stating it was overrated and he didn’t want to end up with shit on his dick. I low key was relieved. We continued to thrive. More visits. More trips. More cum dripping down lips, thighs, legs... we loved each other more. 

We had a Miami trip planned. It would be a major milestone in our lives. Our first vacation. Scary, thrilling, romantic. One night while we stared at each other on FaceTime he said to me, “I want all of you. I don’t know why but I want that ass too.” And when he said that, I knew what he meant. And he knew in saying that... I would consider, plan for it and make it happen. But he wouldn’t press. He wouldn’t have to. Everything that is supposed to happen does. 

I got advice from friends because oddly enough about 75% of my girlfriends really dig anal to the point of having documented epic orgasms as part of their experiences. I too, wanted these experiences with D. The thing consistent in all of their separate pieces of advice was that I needed to be relaxed. I needed to be incredibly turned on and loose. Get drunk. Get high. Fuck a lot. Then try. The relaxation part is always the part that gets me but ok!! I want to try. Because he wants my ass and I want him to have it. 

 I purchased a butt plug and some good lube. My Miami plan was to wear it while out and come home and try it out. 

Anal did not happen in Miami. I was ready for it, or at least thought I was. But in true D fashion, he didn’t press the issue. In fact he said that one day we will have a life time to do that and he didn’t want to do it then and it not work out according to plan and we don’t really have the time and space to try again OR on the contrast, do it and it’s amazing and we have to wait to see each other to try it again. He wanted to just do it , when it felt right. 

So, fast forward to an impromptu trip to New York in August. We hadn’t really talked about anal but I did bring butt plug along as well as my lube. In fact in our time apart, I practiced a little bit with my plug. Trying to prepare myself for the next visit, if we should so happen to believe that this was the right time. 

Once at his apartment we did a lot of noteworthy shit. But I would like to remain on topic. 

He sat on the couch and I adjusted my hips around his face and my head in his lap. Sucking his dick greedily while he slurped on me. And of course, treating me to some booty eating before he slipped a finger in, which felt like pure ecstasy. I moaned so loud and he talked all the shit. Asking if he could open me up more and then slid in another finger. I began to push back on that. This excited him. Oh you must be ready for this dick. Are you?

And I distinctly remember answering “I think so.” and laughing. Honesty and trust have been huge factors in our relationship. Other times in my life I would have lied and said “Yeah, I’m ready for that dick.” and when homeboy met my feigned enthusiasm with his hard dick... booty would clench up and I would become a sea of apologies and regret for even entertaining the shit in the first place. But the honesty in “I think so.” was me saying I want to. Everything you are doing to me feels so amazing. I think I am actually ready. I am going to try because I want this. 

We headed to the bedroom. Laid on the bed and kissed. He sucked on my breasts, licked my neck, played with my pussy and touched me softly. I got up to get the lube. We had a couple of awkward moments. 

Me: Do I lube your dick up too? 

Him: I don’t know. It can’t hurt. 

We both laugh and I lube us up. I lay down on my side. He said to me in the most tender voice ever, “You guide me in.” That. Was. A. Fucking. Turn. On. 

The biggest advice of being relaxed. Being loose. Being open. It came to me. I was scared because I didn’t know what to expect but I wanted it. My body was his and conformed to him behind me. I felt warm and my pussy was dripping. I grabbed his dick from behind me and guided it toward my asshole. Very transparently, not knowing what the fuck I was doing. And I thought ok this is it. Felt tremendous pressure as I tried to be still and he tried to push in and he asked is it in and I was kind of like sure. There were these brief moments of woah  woah, there’s that burning sensation followed by simply moments of pressure. And I kind of fantasized maybe it is in and if it is, I can do this shit alllll the time. But kind of knowing that there was no way it could be. But also kind of not knowing how to adjust my body further to allow for further (any) penetration. Still, I remained relaxed and open and wanting him and wanting this. 

Our confusion and uncertainty as to whether we were even doing shit right led to , hmmmm let’s stop. He rolled me onto my stomach and got on my back and then guided himself in. He said “Now THIS is in.” And it was. No longer a feeling a pressure but that burning sensation that would make my booty hole clench up and my eyes water. Yes, it was in. And I whispered, “Yeah it is.” And we kept going. The pain...not so much more recognizable than the want to feel more of it. But my mind saying “woah woah woah.” But he continued, gently and my body still relaxed , allowing him entry. Also feeling a new sensation I was unsure of what to make out of it. The feeling of this shit hurts but please give me more. And that confusion ultimately led to , ok...that’s enough for a first try. He stopped. Washed off. And then we did other things until we both came. 

He rolled up in the living room. I made us some buffalo wings and Texas toast. He said you will have to tell your friends we tried but we weren’t successful. And I thought out loud not true. It was a good attempt. And he said, “Well yeah, I did get the head in.”

THE HEAD??!!!?? THAT’S IT??!!!

I had to laugh. 

So. I’m no pro on things as they relate to the booty. I am actually a student these days. While it may have only been the head, that was more than anything else past my non consensual experience. AND... I realized I wanted it again. I want it more. 

Relaxed. My body was relaxed. My body relaxes for him in a way it wouldn’t for even the most skilled of lovers I had. Trust. I trust him to take care of me. I trust him to have an end goal of pleasing me. I trust him to keep me safe even while he chokes and slaps me. 

My booty is his. He can have it any time. 

[isa-ghost]

A Long Ass Theory (7/25/18)

BUCKLE UP KIDDOS, THIS IS A REALLY LONG POST/THEORY AND YOU SHOULD READ IT.

This took me SIX FUCKING HOURS to write out, holy shit.

First of all, I don’t like that title.

“GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS | Enter The Gungeon”

Why? Because...

A certain someone we know and love has experience with guns.

Second of all...

Yeah... this.

Why is this concerning?

Simple.

Last time Chase and Anti were in the same video in any way, shape, or form, Anti was charging at Chase while he was in a drunken stupor at the end of Dark Silence. We never saw what happened after Anti reached Chase, if he even did.

Also, it could just be me (please tell me if someone else has noticed this too back in May) but when “Jack” acts suspicious, especially when the video gives off Chase vibes, he gets this weird sarcastic? tone in his voice throughout the entire video. I’m even more unsure about what I’m about to say, but when he says something he knows we’ll point out as a possible hint, he looks directly into the camera. Maybe its just a few times, maybe every time, or maybe I’m just remembering something incorrectly and he doesn’t do it at all, but that tone in his voice for sure tends to show up a lot every time he acts suspiciously like Chase.

So with all this unsettling information in mind, here’s everything I found suspiciously Chase or Anti-like in today’s upload:

The title, and the intro, as previously stated.

2:14 “Everybody’s dead, I’m happy” Honestly there’s a lot of “death” references through the whole video which while they ARE concerning for paranoid, over-analytical Anti theorist reasons, its hard to say that they’re cryptic hints given the fact that its a game where youre supposed to kill people and therefore the death comments are relevant to the context, rather than being out of the blue “Jack being weird” comments. I’ll keep all the mentions of death I find alarming in the list anyway, just to be safe.

4:52 “What happened? I don’t know but I’m glad you’re dead!”

11:37 “You’re all gonna know the name by the end of this. You’re all gonna know the name of your victor.”

 12:25 That’s a really weird Chase-esque “dude-bro” type person laugh, if you ask me...

13:44 He refers to himself as Jack. I’m only mentioning this because it either confirms he isn’t intentionally being suspicious and we really are just paranoid OR its a reminder that Chase is posing as Jack while he’s in a coma. Or MAYBE this IS Jack after Stories Untold #4, awake from his coma and struggling to remember things. He “doesn’t remember” his intro because “he hasn’t recorded in so long” which could be a joke about how he took a week-long hiatus but could also be a nod at how he was in a coma.

16:52 “I could also die. I could die in real life. If you die in real life, you die in the game.”

17:14 “I’m just doing it for all the people out there to make them feel like I’m a regular bro.“

19:16 “I have to go three dreams deep and meet Leo Dicaprio and bring him back to reality.” (Sounds more like bringing Jack out of a coma to me) Needs to meet his kids. (And this sounds like Chase). I think I’m over-analyzing this one but *screams in paranoia*

19:32 “I just slaughtered a whole bunch of babies. ... It’s what I do. I’m ruthless.” There were a lot of theories that Anti might have hurt Chase’s kids after Dark Silence. Especially after he screamed “WHERE ARE THEY?!”

20:00 “Dope af, as the lit kids would like to say.” This one’s probably me just O/A again. It sounds like a dad trying to keep up with the lingo his kids use...

23:22 He uses the “Chase voice” and drops an iconic “sah dude” that we’ve started to associate with him for almost a minute straight.

24:38 “Because I can’t be trusted. We all know that by now.” *Glares at Sean* yeAH NO SHIT, MCLOUGHLIN.

26:03 “Hi, I’m Jack. I’m a pathological liar. And a piece of shit.” Could this be Anti pretending to be Jack and mocking him? Probably not lmao. Or maybe Chase knows Jack isn’t a very good friend? He said he’d kill/let Chase die first if he had to choose and that he finds him annoying, yet Chase considers him a friend. We DO know from TIE that sometimes if Chase gets too heated, he tends to “break character” and rant to us.

28:58 “My parents may have never told me they loved me, but that doesn’t matter” *Gestures wildly at the “Chase was abused” theories and how when Chase was the one recording the video in Mayhem, he’d make a lot of “my dad”/“my parents” references*

30:42 “I like the little sounds they make. It makes me feel like I’m killing a whole bunch of tiny babies” Ah, Anti harming Chase’s kids vibes again.

32:22 “What I need is love and support” Just like in GNOG, this just gives me Chase vibes... “And also your compliance and your own death.” Aaaaand Anti vibes. Anti talking to Chase? Chase talking to Anti? Anti talking to Jack? *Explodes in theorist*

34:38 “Its just cause... me and my dad” Another damn “my dad” reference like back in May.

36:29 Jack glances behind him for basically no reason. We all know what that meant in May...

37:38 “Don’t hit me, don’t hit me, nooo papa!” *Chase was abused theories intensifies*

44:14 “[My mom] never paid enough attention to me and I had a bunch of time to play video games”

44:50 “Did I have a stroke? Can I remember anything?” Mmmm coma vibes

48:26 (Singing) “Your parents don’t love you”

55:27 “Don’t I look like a guy that deserves good things in my life? I’m not a bad guy.”

58:54 “GET AWAY FROM HIM! Don’t get closer to him, he’s a stranger man! Stranger danger, remember what you parents said!” He highkey sounds like Chase scared/scolding his kids to stay away from Anti... Just sayin’-

59:02 “Actually my parents told me go play in traffic. Suddenly explains a lot.” *Vibrates with abused child Chase vibes*

1:00:55 “Don’t mind me, just going to the store to try and get my life back together.” That last part just... sounds like Chase recovering from the divorce (or maybe after his suicide in Bro Average/Henrik saving him like he mentioned in KJSE?) *coughs in over-analyzing, whoops*

With all this in mind, I also want to make note that I’ve seen some things floating around my dash about the following, which could also imply incoming doom for us ego enthusiasts and theorists:

The anniversary of Antisepticeye vs. Darkiplier is coming up in 3 days. Mark and Jack already confirmed several times that they would not be doing another collab like that one again, BUT--

--Jack mentioned that he and Mark have some cool plans that they can’t talk about.

Mark has the genius skills to make Markiplier TV and WKM happen (with help, of course). What if he’s helping Jack with a video featuring multiple/all egos? Jack DID say during tour that at some point later in the year he wanted/planned on a big video with all the egos. That was sometime in the early spring, and its now almost the end of summer. I think that counts as “later”...

Mark apparently mentioned revisiting some egos. I think he’s referring to the Wilford videos, personally, but I still find this noteworthy.

Robin is apparently going to L.A to hang out with Jack. While this is probably just him being a supportive friend and all that, after what I’ve just said... I trust nothing.

Jack confirmed he planned on doing more skits/sketches/etc while he was in L.A.

We are still waiting on Bro Average 2, which Jack confirmed would eventually become a thing.

With all this in mind, Jack, his god tier editor Robin, and ego video-making genius Mark might all be together at once at some point in the near future. We MIGHT be in for some serious community fires soon, guys. Get your extinguishers ready.

I feel like I might be waaay over-analyzing a lot of this, but the levels of unease in the theorist part of the community have been very high lately. Better to note down what we find questionable than to not take notes at all only to suddenly get slammed with fire, right?

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #chase brody #septicegos #Isa's Theory #I HAD SO MANY THOUGHTS AND DOUBTS #PLS APPRECIATE IT #IM JUST A PARANOID THEORIST OK #GIVE ME A BREAK #*sobs*