Tumgik
#this isnt a cry for help or anything I just feel like I need to say it and feel seen before I explode.
wonbin-truther · 1 day
Text
Tumblr media
casual (TEASER) jaemin x reader - 600 words but final fic is ~2.5k hopefully warnings- mentions of sex but idk if im gonna include smut, makeout session, jeno and yn smoke a joint, jaemin is an asshole, some jeno x reader "this isnt anything serious," jaemin said as he zipped his pants up and watched you pull your skirt down. "yea just casual," you agreed.
you where at yet another frat party with chaewon and karina. you hated these parties so much and the reason why stood about 6 feet in front of you with his tongue down another girls throat. "im surprised you haven't gotten mono yet," chaewon handed you a red solo cup filled with some mystery liquid. "you need to move on already. hes a bum," karina groaned. "he's nice," you could feel the tears brimming your eyes. "do not cry over that loser," chaewon grabbed you harshly by the shoulders. "what you need to do is get some non diseased dick and show him what he's missing playing around." you nodded and downed whatever was in the drink and made your way through the crowd, knowing exactly who your target was going to be. naturally you had met jeno within the first couple of weeks fucking around with jaemin. you knew jeno was attracted to you but had some kind of bro code going on. you were quick to find him sitting on the couch smoking a blunt. you sat in the empty spot next to him, making sure to get as close as possible. he adjusted so that his arm was around you, pulling you into his side. "you saw him didn't you?" he pressed the roll to your lips and you happily took a hit. "yea. it's nothing serious between us so it's whatever." "so that's why you came to press onto me? because it's whatever," he let out a low chuckle. you put your head on his shoulder, already feeling the weed mix with the alcohol in your system. "if he can go around with other girls then I can be with other guys. it's only fair," you pressed a kiss to jeno's jawline. "careful princess," his hand moved down to grip your waist as you continued leaving open mouth kisses and marks around his neck. he swiftly pulled you into his lap so you were straddling him. you took a quick glance up and locked eyes with jaemin who looked like he was about to kill jeno. you gave him a smirk before you got up from jeno's lap, taking him by the hand and pulling him upstairs. jeno watched from his spot on the bed as you cried into your hands. "i just want him to want me like i want him," you were pacing back and forth. "yn that's how he is. did no one warn you?" he replied. "they did and im a dumbass for fucking around with that loser but-" you let out a scream that you hoped was drowned out by the music downstairs. "you're in love with him," jeno laughed. you threw yourself face down onto the bed next to him, "i hope his dick breaks." jeno let out a louder laugh. "i hope so too. being his roommate is rough. maybe if it broke he wouldn't have a girl over every night". "you're so not helping right now," you got up and gave a light punch to his arm. "if it makes you feel better he's never been as consistent as he is with you." you rolled your eyes, "yea that makes me feel so much better. a new girl every night makes me feel a million times better." "just tell him you like him. trust me he doesn't even know it yet but he likes you back," jeno stood up and stretched. "i'll tell him we fucked if it makes you feel better." you stood up and followed behind him, grabbing his hand, "yea we can tell him that."
Tumblr media
a/n - yippee im so excited for this !!! im hoping for it to come out around next week ^^
54 notes · View notes
sharkjumpers · 5 months
Text
aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)
8 notes · View notes
ferdydurke · 7 months
Text
I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.
9 notes · View notes
bittwitchy · 12 days
Text
see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place
#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd#but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well#just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well#which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out#which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore#its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi#see the other thing is#if i talk about my mental health at all#people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint#or feel sorry for me which i also dont want#all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all#like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff#i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly#im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares#i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to#and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one#they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored#im losing my mind steadily#and thats not even onto the physical problems#but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying#‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket#if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your#fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces#sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues#but then i talk to other women and it is#it just doesnt make sense and i hate it#but i never rly got help on private insurance either so#tbd#depression cw
3 notes · View notes
popop-maru · 4 months
Text
.
Tumblr media
#dont read this shit lmao it sucks#that christmas feeling when you realize that one or two good days doesnr break you out of the suicidal funk youve been in for months.#and you realize you really have no accomplishments and nothing in life to be proud of or look forward to.#and you realize you are really a fundamentally unlovable person who has wasted over 20 years of life that others have used to build familied#and you realize it will always be this way because something inside you is just fundamentally broken and undesirable and just.#just useless and completely unneeded by people and by the world at large and that youll never have the life you wanted#you just dont have the tools or the mental fortitude to start over and create the life you wanted for yourself and you never will#and all you have are temporary comforts that have no lasting impact on the world or even on your own life as a whole#and that you are basically just a parasite wasting space and wasting time until you finally die because nobody will ever truly want/need you#even if I got a job today thats really all im doing with my life. just waiting and wasting time and trying to make it more comfortable.#until i finally die and look back and realize thats all I ever did and i didnt even deserve that.#sorry but I feel like I just need to scream into the void even tho I hate being like this online.#but everyone i know has other bigger problems and they dont need to hear this so im just yelling at computer#i just want to be happy and feel fulfilled!! i just want to be loved!! but i am born incapable of these feelings bc i was just.#made wrong#or i made myself this way idk#but something went deeply wrong with my life and Im just stalling until its finally over#bc Im too scared to just end it myself no matter how much i fantasize about it.#this isnt a cry for help or anything I just feel like I need to say it and feel seen before I explode.#anyway I really deeply hate myself and I feel I am fundamentally not human and not deserving of my life#but i still hope maybe you wont unfollow bc maybe this stupid blog made uou smile once#and that maybe that makes you feel a connection idk. thats all i can do. thats all im capable of.#suicidal tw
3 notes · View notes
Text
I feel like my depression got even worse during this winter, it always got worse whenever it got colder, but this year is fucking brutal for me. I can't get enough motivation or strength to do anything anymore. There's my battle jacket that i need to sew my patches on, I also wanted to make some diy jewelry, learn how to crochet and draw a lot either in my sketchbook or digitally, but my brain just wants me to rot in fucking bed all day and I hate it. It's not like I haven't tried to pick up on these things again, it's just that I always give up shortly after I begin, I don't even finish shitty doodles in my sketchbook. There has also been a big change in my life and that has also made my depression worse. Sometimes I wish that I could just disappear somewhere or switch lives with someone so I can stop feeling so miserable already
I can only hope things will get better next year since I'm currently staying over at my aunts family and they promised that they'll help me with getting a job and a therapist. I'm also away from my mother which I also desperately needed, because my relationship with her is really strained and complicated
I feel like crying right now so i'll just listen to sundowning and hope things will finally look up for me in the future
0 notes
whimsidollie · 1 year
Text
Started crying while laying on my back and got so weirded out by the feeling of a tear going in my ear that it snappd me out of my spiral
1 note · View note
veronicaartemis · 2 years
Text
Found out my falcon Lego model was just sitting on the shelf broken as hell I'm so fucking. Upset
0 notes
miikapie · 3 months
Text
"Its not gonna fit!" with Geto, Choso, Toji and Gojo! (NSFW)
Just posting this because ive been thinking about writing it for weeks. Enjoy this tiny drabble while I stress over college!
Cw:.. fem!reader x various jjk men, they're mean :(( (toji, gojo too kinda..), choso being too sweet, cunilingus (choso), bad grammar ofcourse, SEX SMASHING INTERCOURSE BABY MAKING FUCKING MAKING LOVE i hope you get the point.
/MDNI//NSFW UNDER THE CUT!!
Gojo is so mean to you. If you say absolutely anything related to his size, or not being able to accommodate to his girth, hes seizing the opportunity to brag and belittle you while doing so.
"Awh baby.. it can't fit? hmm? Is my cock too big? Its okay, cutie, I know I know.. Maybe we just need to pay attention to your little clit, and we'll stretch you out too yeah? Im gonna make sure your little cunt remembers every single one of my veins no matter how long it takes to get in aallllll the way."
Geto (sighs dreamily) I LOVE THIS MAN. Totally much nicer than Gojo, but unintentionally mind-breaks you. His voice btw is so sexy can you imagine how husky it is duirng the deed??? drooling rn.
"Oh, what was that? It wont fit, hm? Thats okay, love. We'll find our way around it. Just gotta stretch you out some more so i can hit that spot you love so much, mhm? Right there isnt it? Yeah, I can tell with the way you're tightening around me. Or what about this? Maybe I'll touch your clit a little more. God... I love seeing you like this. Thats a good girl.. lay down juuust like that. You dont need to think for yourself anymore when I've got you."
Toji is SO mean, and incredibly cocky. Despite knowing damn well he's way too big to bottom out immediately in you, he takes this opportunity be snarky fun of you while destroying your insides.
" 's too big? We'll make it fit, doll. Stop moving like that, you know its just gonna hurt more. Give it a few minutes and you'll be crying like a bitch in heat. Fine. I'll be nice i guess, but im still going all the way in. 's not my fault your pussy's too damn tight. Fuck.. so good.. Yeah, see? Told you you could take it, wipe those tears 'fa me and keep your legs up here on my shoulders, yeah?"
Nanami... ah. He tries so so hard to be nice to you, by slowly bullying his way in your walls, but no matter how many times you do the deed it seems like you can never keep up with his size
"Too much, honey? Its okay, sweetheart. Look, I'll put a pillow just under your back here.. and it'll make you feel much better. Whats that? Feels nicer now? Ill take it slow as always honey, just take your deep breaths... God.. you're always so tight... It feels nice when I touch you right here doesn't it?..Feels deeper? Yes, love, thats the pillow under your back helping you relax. We're gonna have to use that trick next time wont we? Thats it, sweet thing, see? Im almost bottomed out and you haven't even noticed at all."
Choso is too much of a sensitive lover to even think about ever possibly pushing your boundaries. If he ever heard you say anything along the lines of 'too big' he'd pull out immediately and instead eat you out as an apology. (even though you've told him its just something you said in the heat of the moment) (he still leaves you shaking tho.)
727 notes · View notes
mrfoox · 2 years
Text
I love mods. I hate installing them :)
1 note · View note
i-cant-sing · 10 months
Note
PLS PLS WRITE THE PLATONIC YANDERE MIGUEL OHARA FIC IM BEGGINF 🙏🙏🙏🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️WE NEED MORE PLATONIC FICS OF THIS MAN
(Thank you for reading this and have a great day!!)
I definitely see dad Miguel treating reader like a child, no matter what age you are. You could be a strong, independent woman, and to Miguel... you're a baby🥺 Everytime you get frustrated when he tells you no, or doesn't allow you to do what you want, he thinks you look absolutely adorable, your brows furrowed and your nostrils flared, and Miguel just has to just lean down to your level and you think that he's gonna offer you an explanation and in his mind, he does, but all he really says is-
"I know what's best for you, mija."
And if you dare to say "you're not my dad!", he won't say anything because yeah, you're right, but he will stare at you intimidatingly until you either take your words back or change the topic.
I think Miguel is not someone who talks much (but he still expects you to converse with him regularly) and so when he doesn't wanna argue with you, he may or may not shoot a web to seal your lips shut, just so that you give him enough time to explain (which again he doesnt), but he does use this time to tell you that you're grounded and then again, uses his strength against you to pick you up like a little bratty kitten and drop you back to your room.
I also think that Miguel definitely sees you as this helpless creature that would absolutely DIE without him. It doesn't matter if you're a spider-person like him, no. To him, you're just a frail kitten that needs papa Miguel's help to shelter her from the pouring rain and bubble wrap you and cuddle you and just- protect you from this all too harsh world.
And you could be trying to break free from his grasp, going of about how he didnt need you to pull you from your universe, how you had your life under control and what not, and Miguel would just sigh and shake his head and mutter "Teenagers🙄" EVEN IF YOU'RE AN ADULT.
Miguel isnt someone who talks about his feelings, definitely not at first, he just bottles everything up until the lid pops off and someone else has to face his fury. BUT that doesn't he doesn't expect you to talk about yours. He's super observant so the moment he notices the slightest change in your mood, or the way you breathe, oh he's bugging you to tell him whats wrong. I mean he's breathing down your neck, which as you already know isnt great because he is the only person you're allowed to talk to (minus Peter B Parker and Mayday), and eventually, he may even tie you upside down with his web to make you talk. And he's just nodding and offering up solutions/therapeutic advices (not really, they're just compromises) while you're getting blood rush from hanging off the ceiling for so long.
Also going back to the "you're not my dad!" thing, I think if you say it enough times, it does start to hurt him and eventually he reaches a breaking point where he does end up getting mad and bares his teeth at you as he yells "I AM, NOW! AND IF YOU DON'T START LISTENING TO ME MIJA, YOU WILL REGRET IT! NOW, MARCH OFF TO YOUR ROOM!" And sure, you get spooked enough to run off, but not before you yell like a very cliche, angsty teen "I hate you!" and you slam your door close before he could scold you again. He still comes right up to your door, probably to ground you even more, but he doesnt have the heart to open the door when he hears your sobs. Damn, now you just broke his heart. So, Miguel leaves, deciding its best that you two get some space to cool off.
Now I see Miguel as the type of dad who doesnt really apologise (mostly because he doesn't feel like he's done anything wrong) but instead offers a parley or a white flag of sorts in the form of food (like some cut up fruits and veggies, or even your fav takeout) and sure, his heart is still heavy with guilt, even more so when he sees your swollen red eyes indicating how you've been crying for days, so he clears his throat, maybe shifts in his seat a little and asks about your day or something random, heartbreak intensifying 100X when you refuse to talk to him, making him resort to something thats... uncomfortable for you both.
A hug.
I mean this has to be the most awkward hug in history, because Miguel just swoops you up and places you in his lap, pulling you to his chest and telling you that he's not letting go until you talk. STILL NOT APOLOGISING, I mean there is a greater likelihood that you may end up apologising to him but Miguel sure as hell isnt saying the word "sorry" (unless you're dead, specifically if u die in his arms hehe).
Tumblr media
1K notes · View notes
honeytonedhottie · 3 months
Text
HONEYS RESOURCE BUNDLE⋆.ೃ࿔*:・💶
Tumblr media
a gift from me to you for the new year, to help give tips that can help u succeed 🫶🏽 a post filled with resources, and advice to help u guys improve in every aspect 💗 i love and appreciate u all and i hope u find it helpful.
Tumblr media
₊˚⊹ ᰔ physical movement and activity
find something that u like and thats fitted for ur needs. for me, all of the workouts that i do come from youtube. a girlblogger that always has a lot of workouts to try is @4theitgirls-workouts. to motivate urself to move ur body i recommend buying something cute to workout in because it always makes me feel good. i rly like to do pilates, so since i enjoy pilates -> i'll wanna do it more.
so dont be afraid to try different things and see what u enjoy the most and stick with that bcuz u dont wanna be forcing urself to do something that u won't enjoy/that won't give u the results that u want. if working out in general isn't rly ur cup of tea at all, thats totally okay! try going for walks or start running. maybe try out for a sport or start a style of dance. the whole point of this category is to get urself moving bcuz its rly rly good for ur physical and ur mental health, and it'll serve u in the long run. another youtuber i rly recommend for pilates workouts is madeline abeid.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ self improvement youtubers that i love and watch regularly
the wizard liz
simonesquared
sammy ingram
simmonesimmo
hailey gamba
the freezia
persephonesmind
₊˚⊹ ᰔ law of assumption
of course if u wanna learn about and practice the law of assumption then u can learn and apply thru my advice, experiences, ideas and more. neville goddard is like, the guru of manifesting and hes written a bunch of books, here are neville goddard's books online for FREE so that that then u can learn and see it HIS way bcuz the thing with manifesting is u gotta figure out how it works for you cuz its your reality.
if u like subliminals this is my favorite subliminal maker on youtube. their subliminals r amazing and i enjoy them bcuz they dont have music layered onto it (i like subliminals that have soothing sounds like rain or water or anything asmr). last but not least my absolute favorite manifesting coach/teacher on the whole internet, sammy ingram - literally the best manifesting guide. she rly simplifies things and her channel is full of helpful advice, success stories, challenges and her perspective on manifesting is brilliant so i rly recommend her.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ mental health
journalling is honestly the best thing that i have ever done for my mental health, the ROI that i get from it is actually incredible so i highly highly recommend it. if ur someone who doesn't rly like to write a lot, use ur notes app or whatever just get the thoughts out of ur mind and onto a piece of paper/notes. i understand that sometimes when ur mental health isn't doing too well and u dont feel motivated rly to do anything (like u feel lethargic and stuff) forcing urself to do things ISNT always the answer. i rly recommend having alternate routines cuz we ask a lot from ourselves sometimes so some days, ask a little less.
Tumblr media
give urself the break that u deserve. when u feel like crying, CRY. even if its for no reason, the body holds onto pent up emotions so when u cry u gotta CRY. with time you'll find the things that help u feel better. for everyone its different. for me, when my mental health is in a slump what helps me is : 1. doing one thing differently (i'll go for a walk maybe) 2. get ready (take a quick shower, or if i dont even have the motivation to do that i'll do a sink shower) 3. drink a cold cup of water and make myself a meal. dont ever have zero days. always give at least 1% or do at least one thing.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ hygiene
hygiene is so instrumental in mental health cuz like i've said before looking good -> feeling good. i make sure to get ready everyday even if im going nowhere. just bcuz the process of getting ready gives me so much momentum. smelling good gives me so much confidence bcuz im the type of person thats rly rly scared of smelling bad. im a hygiene JUNKY so im always buying soaps and fragrances. when u make self care a daily thing it'll feel so natural. dont neglect ur oral health, invest in quality products that are suited for your needs. be meticulous when it comes to ur hygiene cuz a solid routine is lowkey comforting. i rly recommend korean skincare, indian haircare, african body care, and arabic perfumes and fragrances. some of my favorite hygiene based youtube channels are : SARA BEQELE and anna renns world
₊˚⊹ ᰔ school
TAKE. SCHOOL. SERIOUSLY. the feeling that u get when u get a good score on an assignment or test is unmatched. at the end of the day ur responsible for ur education. it's not hot to be a loser. if ur someone who struggles to stay on top of assignments, write down the assignment as soon as its assigned and at the next possible chance do it. as soon as u get home from school. reward urself for good grades and for ur accomplishments cuz ur AMAZING. study effectively instead of excessively.
Tumblr media
pursue excellence always. find ways to motivate urself throughout the school day (for me, i always try and incorporate girliness into school cuz that motivates me) all my pens and pencils and folders are pink and i get myself ready everyday before school. cuz when i FEEL good -> i perform well. if u ever dont wanna study remind urself that studying>failing. advocate for urself, dont be afraid to ask questions cuz ur responsible for ur grade if u need accommodations or longer time to take a test (even if u dont) always set urself up to have the most time possible and the most resources. the resources that u have USE THEM. the goal of studying isn't to "mostly" know the material its to know for SURE. when u can explain something thoroughly, thats when you can know if you've studied enough.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ organization + planning
of course for the new year and for life in general, organization is rly helpful. manage urself mindfully and intentionally. even if ur a messy person, organizing isn't difficult if u do it in a way thats right for you. for me, notion - is literally the best organizational tool. i have an agenda, calendars, school pages, and so much more.
Tumblr media
with notion i rly organized my life on a whole other level. aside from notion, the notes app on ur phone is rly useful, when it comes to organizing ur day to day life, i think its important bcuz it helps u to maximize ur time. for planning out ur year, if u find it difficult to stay "on task" or achieve the goals that u set for urself, try this : dont see the year as 365 days, instead separate the year into 4 quarters (90 days each) and in each of those quarters choose one aspect to focus on and pour into. make sure to log and track ur progress on those goals. the idea to this is breaking things down. break down big goals -> to more digestible goals so that then its more believable for u. remember, your limitless.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ nutrition
if ur someone who has bad nutrition, or unhealthy eating habits in general and u wanna change that my biggest advice would be to NOT BE EXTREME. bcuz i feel like if u go fully extreme so quickly then the change isn't sustainable. take it slow. start off by introducing a fruit into breakfast and having a vegetable at dinner, then eating fruit with ur breakfast and having fruit as a snack, and eating veggies with lunch and dinner. ik it sounds repetitive and overdone but u need to be consuming ur fruits and veggies. if ur not eating it with ur meals then maybe have it in a smoothie if that works for u. take supplements for things that u dont rly incorporate into ur diet, and the key to a good diet is BALANCE. dont deny urself food that u love. life is WAY to short to be scared to eat the burger that u so desperately want. its okay to eat what ppl might consider "junk food" but everything in BALANCE and moderation. keep the 80/20 principal in ur mind. 80% of what u eat should be good for u and 20% of what u eat should be whatever u crave. DRINK WATER, dont go on extreme diets if ur not an adult and haven't consulted a doctor it does u more harm than good.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ informative
learn every single day. even if ur not in school anymore. a way to help learn and sharpen ur mind every single day is picking up a hobby that can help u do so. for me, the hobby i have is reading, reading keeps my brain sharp, it keeps me entertained, and when i read nonfiction it keeps me informed. so the hobby of reading has a high ROI. whenever u get an idea of any sort, ACT on it. u dont have to wait a billion years before acting on an idea. when u get ideas, its for a reason, ur mind is brilliant and imagine how many ideas that u wasted. thats why i recommend having a creative outlet of some sort. for me, my creative outlet is my blog where i can come and talk with you guys 🫶🏽 but ur creative outlet can be ur notes app or ur journal or ur sketchbook. just a way to get the ideas in ur brain -> onto paper.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ stuff i wish i knew
ur never ever tied down to one version of urself, u can always change ur mind/opinion, u can create a new version of urself whenever the heck u want. remember that u have free will and that ur always in control. bcuz it is your life it revolves around you and it is your responsibility. its not something to mess around with. take responsibility for urself, ur actions, ur reactions etc.
Tumblr media
1% of progress is better than 0%, a little is always better than nothing. ur social anxiety or ur fear of being perceived is HOLDING U BACK. forgive urself for ur mistakes, everything that ur embarrassed of in ur past let it go and LET YOURSELF LIVE. become ur own project, ur own muse and if all else fails (which it won't, you'll be fine and everything will work itself out for u even better than u could've ever imagined) love yourself unconditionally.
401 notes · View notes
yenqa · 3 months
Text
ADVANTAGES
Tumblr media
in which…
on jay’s live, fans point out a stuffed animal on his bed, one that seems to be the other piece to your notorious missing pair. as imaginary pieces start to connect for fans, the viewers beg for some kind of interaction. and though you and jay have never met before, why not use this situation to your advantage?
warnings : crying, panic attacks, depression is depicted but isnt really said, lots of bad self talk, food/eating, having no appetite, just lots of bad mental health talk and depictions, hurt/comfort, god this chapter is PACKED
wc: 1829
i’m sorry that i couldnt be your teenage dream.
not proofread!
It had been a week and a half since you had seen anyone.
Well other than the cashiers at the local grocery store but that made you look even more pathetic. 
You haven’t been well, at all.
It was a horrible sight, honestly you couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror without cringy. You had no productivity and had planned to do nothing for as long as possible. 
You were surprised your body hasn't exploded yet, since all you had ate was instant ramen or the three meals you could cook total. 
Today was one of the worse-r days. Three hours into the new day but your mind couldn’t seem to sleep one bit.
You had zero appetite, your room was a mess, it was worse that you couldn’t even sleep away the days even though you were so tired. Your eyes were glued shut at night but your body couldn’t stop fighting the feeling of sleep. 
So here you were, eye bags almost able to give the color purple a run for its money, and so puffy it felt like a balloon was stuck in there. But your eyes hadn’t shed any tears, instead you felt like nothing. Like you were just floating around with no purpose or any feeling at all.
The empty feeling in your head made you unable to do anything but scroll on your phone, letting hours after hours pass by rewatching your favorite show at least a billion times. It seemed like the world had gone gray, like the world was ending and you were the only one feeling it.
A part of you screamed at yourself to get a grip, to stop being so dramatic and realize there are still good things in life. 
You tried to get better, you really did. You had researched on how to get over this drought but you never could. So every night you would lay in your bed, trying to figure out what was wrong with you.
Mornings have always been your least favorite part of the day. But it seemed to get worse with every second that passed. 
Realizing you still had a whole day ahead of you seemed utterly impossible to finish, but still you would reach your hand out to the finish line, only to miss every time.
You had six hours until it was the appropriate time to wake up. You couldn’t call anyone for help, you couldn’t text anyone in the middle of the night. It was your burden, so you had to keep it to yourself and hope and pray it washes away over time.
Your phone has been your only sense of livelihood during your dull days. If you had been wasting hours after hours at least you had been doing something. 
Before you could think of the consequences, you had thought of searching yourself on the internet, just for fun. You clicked on the first source, hoping that someone would see your side of the story.
No it was not fun–you wish you could warn yourself because the title of the article read; “All you need to know about Y/niora and why she’s trending”
We’ve all seen the names “Y/n” or “Y/niora” trending on X, who is she? Some might wonder. In this article I’ll be going over everything she’s done wrong, and why fans hate her for it.
Y/n is a popular streamer on twitch, known for her funny commentary and her boyfriend Jay, but recently she’s shown a darker side to her.
Her boyfriend, Jay, is also a twitch streamer, a much more popular one at that. He’s known for his good looks and his random reactions that have us crying with laughter, but why would he date a nobody like her? 
If you’ve seen Y/niora’s X account, you can see that she posts provocative photos of herself, things that only lead to temptations of male fans. Fans speculate this is the reason they met, saying that she seduced him and used him for money, fame, and views.
If you know anything about streaming, you know BlueJay and his friends. Who stole the internet's hearts with their looks and cute personalities. But things start picking up between Jay and Y/n when she posts their matching stuffed animals, officially presenting their relationship to the world.
This seems to be a bad move on Y/n’s part, as her facade starts slipping through and we get to see her for the calloused person she is. 
She continuously shows her disinterest in anything he’s saying. Making him repeat everything he’s said to her. This strikes up the question, does she really care about him or her fans?
Arguments of this exact topic have been trending among fans, some saying
You closed your phone before you could read anything else. Flipping your body over you could feel tears start to form in your eyes, your vision goes blurry and your breath starts hiccuping. 
Wiping your wet cheeks, you start to panic when you feel like your throat is closing up, placing your hand on your chest to try to calm yourself down. 
That clearly doesn’t work. As you swear you can feel the walls closing in beside you. In a last effort to stop your ugly sobs, you open your phone once more, your breath quickens when you open the phone app, calling the person that you need the most right now.
The ringing on your phone shakes you more, “Please answer, please answer, please answer.” You croak out desperately, glancing at your window to realize it’s the middle of the night, and he’s probably getting the nice sleep he deserves. 
Unlike you who only makes things worse, and can’t even get a wink of sleep at night.
You sob harder after the fifth ring, realizing that he’s not going to answer. And you have to do this on your own–
“Y/n? Are you okay?” His voice brings relief to your ears, that’s until you realize the state you’re in. 
“Jay I’m so–so so sorry for calling you this late.” You rasp out, “I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t stop shaking and crying, I just–fuck” Bringing your hand up, you grab a fist of your hair, not knowing what to do or say.
“Are you at home?”
“Yeah, I am.” You choke through, words barely coherent.
“I’m coming. Stay there, okay?”
“Okay.” 
His tone is so soft it scares you. How could he be talking to you so sweetly knowing the mess you made? How could he be talking to you so sweetly knowing that you are burdening him at such a late hour?
Your throat tries its best to keep your hammering heart inside your chest, but it closes up, your breath is so uneven you're not even sure you’re breathing at all. 
That is until you let out a soft apology into your phone, but it’s covered by your staggered breathing, and the sound of you stuffing up your snot back into your nose.
The silence coming from him is apparently meant to drive you insane. Because the nausea of it all starts to get to you, your condition is crippling so you can’t even move from your curled up position on your bed.
You can hear your door slam open, eliciting a strong flinch from you. 
Your heart seems to be racing too fast for your liking, almost like it’s fighting to get out of your chest. “Jay?” You mutter, as you can see his dark silhouette standing through the doorway. 
Before you can actually decipher if the man is actually Jay or just some random burglar who found your spare key, you feel his arms wrap around your body, tucking your head into the space between his neck and shoulder. 
You conclude that it’s Jay’s warmth you’re feeling right now.
For a second you feel safe, for a second you feel like he’s just hugging you, not because you are literally having a panic attack. 
That snaps you back into reality. God were you really having a panic attack over an article? That you chose to read? 
Feeling your chest tighten and your eyes water up, you tuck your head impossibly deeper, letting your tears and snot get all over his shirt. 
It’s grossing you out how you can physically feel his shirt dampen with your tears, but you’re too focused on figuring out how to breathe rather than the mess you made on his shirt.
“You can let it out, or you can just cry, I don’t mind.”
You sob even harder than you were before.
He’s so warm. He’s so warm. And you have no idea why it’s the perfect descriptor for him. 
“Jay,” You mutter, being muffled by his shoulder, “I’ve ruined everything.”
His arm rubs your back gently, “You haven’t ruined anything, pretty.” He whispers, talking like if he speaks any louder you’ll crack into hundreds of pieces (you actually might but that’s not the point).
“I have! You can’t even deny it without lying,” You hiccup, “I mean—I’m trying so hard, but I can’t do anything right.” You pull your head back to look up at him.
He stays silent, letting his hand cup your face, wiping away any tears that fall down.
“And I’m so tired. I’m so tired of doing everything I can but still being hated for not doing enough. I mean who wouldn’t? I can’t even cook a proper meal, it just goes to show how hopeless I am.”
“Y/n you can’t possibly think about yourself.”
“I can because it’s the truth.”
He tucks your head back into his shoulder, “Y/n, not being able to cook a proper meal is okay. Some people never learn how to cook an egg.”
Your breathing calms down slightly, you let out a small chuckle, trying to stay forever in his warmth.
“I’m sorry for calling you here so late, I know you’re tired from streaming or something.”
“I could never stay away from you for too long, even if it’s in the middle of the night.”
Letting out a breathy smile, you look back at his face, a small smile spreads through his face looking at you.
Your eyes were tired, for the first time in a week your body was tired. “I’m going to go to sleep. Thank you, Jay, seriously.”
He gets up from your position, you feel the absence of his warmth even though he just got up, he’s about to walk out the door when you build up the courage to ask, “Can you stay? Just for tonight?”
Looking back, there's a smile on his face as he replies “Always.”
Walking back to you, he lays himself under your blanket, tucking you in before wrapping his arm around you, he pulls you into his chest.
And for the first time in what felt like forever. You fall asleep, in Jay’s arms.
back masterlist next
yenqa > um title is reference to teenage dream by olivia rodrigo! umm hope u enjoyed while i ripped my heart out and put it in my writing… thanks!
taglist (CLOSED): @yeokii @hanniluvi @euncsace @jongsiemain @mrchweeee @fakeuwus @ashy1um @rikisly @filmofhybe @nwjws @yizhoutv @soov @tocupid @tzke1ta @yannew @manooffline @mars101 @haechansbbg @enhaz1 @teddywonss @en-happiness @kim2005bomi @be0mlvr @luvswonyoung @flwoie @lilriswife4life @nicholasluvbot @ikeusol @lylovw @alwayswook @astrae4 @choi-beomgyulvr @aishigrey @infpistj @jiawji @planethyuka @mari-oclock @222brainrot @jakevascaino @rory-cant-sleep @hyehae @vixensss @hearts4hanni @kgneptun @tongtongie @www-jungwon @lovejunz @fluerz @jiyeons-closet @nyuzip @leehanist @heerinnie @eneiyri
yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.
250 notes · View notes
privitivium · 2 months
Note
motherly!yan getting made enough that they give the reader a spanking!!
real. so real.
jealous mommy,,, hes more of a dom in this so... sub m reader.
he refers to himself as mama. just because i need a mother figure who isnt a woman and whatnot ahemhrm. so, cw for him referring to himself as mama specifically, spanking, toxic mother... sry for any mistakes,,, i reread it but there might be a few that slipped passed my eye B)
Tumblr media
some sort of coffee date... out and about running errands with boyfriend and you ask politely if you could get a drink.. of course, anything you want! happily guiding you to a smaller known coffee-shop.. mother noting how attentive the barista was to you as you tell them your interesting order, they were only doing their job, sure, but can't they notice he was the one paying? their attention should be on him, not you. and what were they doing, giving you free confections-? all that sugar! he bristledㅡare they blushing? it was the afternoon, and he still can't get the interaction out of his head as he was putting the groceries away - irritated. something that you couldn't notice..
you sit at the island of the huge, modern yet rustic kitchen, unpacking the dry food and breaking the comfortable silence; "man, that guy really was nice." you eye your cup of ice, drained of coffee, thinking about how nice that fellow was... it felt really good to be treated such a way by a stranger. "today was nice, huh?"
"why are you mentioning that barista again? it's already so late." the corners of his lips tiwtch downward into a frown, fidgeting. fingers tapping at the counter, eyes following you as you leave - settling down in the open living room..
"i dont see what the big deal is. it's just that they were nice, i can't help but think about it!" you complain, fiddling on your phone as you lay relaxed; sprawled out on the huge couch, totally unaware...,,,
"f/n,,,," he murmurs, a hint of warning - his voice ever so soft that you couldn't exactly tell that he was upset.. "that's exactly the point.. they were too nice. how can you not see that? or maybe you do. maybe this whole thing is just to get me to get upset. to get a reaction out of me. well, you have one, f/n. are you proud? are you?" holy shit it was the most he ever spoke in one sitting. b-but he wasn't "sitting" anymore, he was walking towards you - menacingly. obviously, you catch his driftㅡeyes widening in worry, immediately jumping to your feet and shuffling away to evade an angry motherly boyfriend who was ever so slowly stepping towards you, as though he didn't really care about the whole ordeal when really he was positively seethingㅡ
"wha-hey! they just gave me a free cookie, man!" you shriek frightfully - though with a hint of humor. thinking that he was just.. joking around.
"man? f/n." mother hisses lowly, nimble hand snatching your wrist and yanking youㅡ"yes?!" you squeak - (ㅡyes you shouldve known better than to call him "man" in such a casual wayㅡ) he captures you in his iron-fucking-grip - hauling you to the couch after circling around the living room.. cornering you. you struggle - "lay still." he hisses, jesus fuck in a tone so cruel it surprises you completely motionless; laying limp with tears stinging the corners of your eyes,,, huffing as you lay your head on one of the many pillows strung about - biting your lip to muffle your soft sounds as he shucks your pants down - underwear catching, whimpering softly as you squirm; unable to actually lay still - too scared. mother is a bit lenient, palm tracing over the round, plump flesh of your rear. mother breathing in deeply, molding it in his palm, treating you so gently before he begins his reign - counting aloud himself rather than having you do it.. not stopping until you ere a crying, writhing mess on his lap with a stinging, ruddy ass from his cruelty,,, obviously, he liked doing so. the telltale feeling of a bulge pressing into your side as you laid along his thighs,,, he marks it at fifty. 
"m-mom, pleaseㅡ" you mewl, burying your face into the cushions, and ever so slightly fidgeting your ass upwards - as though a cat stretching into his hand,,,, "no! do not cry for me." his hand lands hard on your cheek - fucking whimpering, nuzzling into the couch,, and biting on the pillows to muffle your cries,,, it wasn't long before he caves - feeling sorry,,,
"a-ah... i'm sorry, sweet boy." he nuzzles into your neck, pulling back and cupping your flushed, tearful face - sitting up, straddling him; unable to sit on your ass, "yes, mama's sorry... he's sorry he had to do that to you, but you must understand.." he kisses your cheeks, hands trailing downward to rub your stinging rear.. you grunt in reply, huffing. annoyed at your dick flushed and aching... motherfucker. 
232 notes · View notes
octoberscigarettes · 2 months
Text
soemtimes I wish someone who isnt a romantic partner would have cared for Ian enough. like ofc mickey cares immensely and I don't wanna discredit the good he does for Ian. But there are so many things in Ian's life where he needed care and love and reassurance from someone he is not romantically involved with.
being groomed from a young age, and nobody cared enough to see what's going on with kash, and when lip did, he did nothing. when Fiona and Jimmy Steve found out Ian was sleeping with Ned, nobody cared enough about Ian to help him. Instead it was all about Jimmy Steve and his man baby feelings about his dad being queer.
when Ian was crying about the aftermath of s3ep6 and s3ep9, Frank was heading a gay rights movement purely for his own gain, while Ian's siblings feasted on a gift basket sent to their house. Nobody wondered where Ian was, so he was sobbing in his bed, alone.
when Ian ran away to the army, his entire family just accepted it, the fucking Milkoviches were more worried about Ian than his own family.
when in s6 Ian doesnt know what to do with himself, nobody cares enough to show him that his life isnt over bc of his diagnosis. nobody cares enough to tell Ian that he still has options, that he can survive.
when Ian is heartbroken, nobody cares enough about it to tell him anything but "good riddance".
when Ian has a crisis of faith and loses himself in religion and mania, nobody cares about him enough to talk to him until its to late. nobody sees him enough to know if he is taking his meds.
In the Gallagher household Ian doesn't exist. Fiona and Lip are bonding and supporting each other (no matter how angry and misguided sometimes) in their role as the eldest. Debbie and Carl are looking out for each other, and Fiona and Lip always have an eye on them bc they're younger. Liam gets raised by everyone. But Ian just kind of floats around in the void, and while they all may love him, they don't notice him.
Lip and Ian are close, but they aren't caring for each other properly.
As long as Ian contributes to the squirrel fund and doesnt make a fuss, they dont see him.
And once his mental state gets bad they all sit around wondering why they didnt catch it sooner. But they never look.
I just wish that someone would see Ian Gallagher.
277 notes · View notes
ghostbite0 · 2 months
Note
how do the 21 trio babies interact w each other… both in and out of baby mode. also what do they think of each other’s baby modes
anon i absolutely love this question. im sorry this took forever to answer, i wanted to draw something with it!!!
long answer under the cut :D feel free to ask more about this subject or anything with this au, im happy to do so!
Tumblr media
Giyuu: hes the first to go baby mode bc hes also just the most chill. obanai & sanemi immediately realize somethings wrong when the avoidant water hashira is suddenly smiling and snuggling up in shinobu’s arms. obanai gets pissy with giyuu because giyuu tends to look out for him (since obanai is the smallest and weakest baby). if he loses his paci giyuu crawls away to retrieve it. obanai’s not eating? he’s sharing his food. sanemi can’t help but tease the hell out of the two until he is also met with giyuu’s friendship and finds himself being patted on the cheek and having a blue stuffed fox forced into his hands.
giyuu isnt really embarrassed when he snaps out of it— he’s just looking out for his friends so why would he be? if anything he just gets flustered when he remembers he fell asleep while shinobu sang to him. mention a bottle and he’ll short-circuit
Sanemi: obanai & giyuu temporarily united in their panic at seeing sanemi go from a super angry and stubborn person to a giggly baby being entertained by tengen. they watched on in shock as he willingly let tengen pick him up and kiss his little head and immediately turned to each other like what the Hell. sanemi proceeds to try and play with the other babies. shinobu checks on them later to find sanemi forcibly snuggling the two— giyuu is very conflicted and tired and obanai looks ready to jump off a cliff.
sanemi wakes up later and remembers what happened and angrily accuses the two of doing something (he knows they didnt. hes just embarrassed and pissed) and throws things and essentially just has a baby tantrum until gyomei can calm him down. the cycle continues
Obanai: cold and judgmental and sensitive guy is suddenly a little shy sweetheart who is still very very sensitive. sanemi & giyuu are fearing for their lives when obanai is suddenly bawling his eyes out because he woke up and mitsuri and/or muichiro weren’t anywhere to be found, so surely this means they want to get rid of him. sanemi ends up screaming with him so one of the two can put an end to the chaos, and hes mostly just unnerved by how different obanai is acting. giyuu finds it pretty endearing, especially because baby mode obanai actually likes him!
hes very snuggly and always has to be in someone’s arms, especially when he’s doing something as scary as eating. he also tends to be more touchy; he loves petting muichiro’s nose or playing with mitsuri or rengoku’s hair. obanai is always sucking on a pacifier or needing to put his mitten in his mouth and if he doesn't have either hes rlly weepy. cue sanemi and giyuu crawling around trying to find something to help. obanai tends to snap out of baby mode after waking up from a nap, and he’s extremely flustered and defensive. he apologizes profusely to mitsuri/rengoku/muichiro for inconveniencing them, and threatens sanemi and giyuu before hiding under a blanket until he recovers from how embarrassed he is
when they are all baby mode they are inseparable. sanemi basically drags them around and forces them to hang out with him. giyuu likes to look out for them (particularly obanai) and play patty cake with sanemi when they arent cuddled up to each other. obanai shyly observes their games and cheers them both on (alongside kaburamaru) by clapping his mittened hands. when its time for them to nap, they stay close together and cuddle. gyomei is in hysterics at this, and the other hashira must console him before he wakes up the babies with his crying. when they are out of baby mode the following morning they lose their minds and try to avoid each other as long as possible out of embarrassment and frustration
giyuu secretly wishes they will be friends by the end of this transformation, but he doesnt think he deserves it. it always makes him feel better when sanemi is dragging him into games or obanai is cooing in greeting and petting his head. 
sanemi has trouble accepting that he enjoys being with them. he cant help but think about his fallen comrades and his siblings, and its easier to push them all away then accept their care. besides, he’s supposed to be the strongest hashira! how can he outrank gyomei when he’s a baby? 
obanai hates being the smallest of the bunch, but he can’t deny how nice it is to be looked after for once. hes weaker, so he needs more special attention as well. his trust issues prevent him from accepting their kindness. what are their intentions? are they trying to mock him? he isnt used to being loved, and he is scared of loving them back)
sorry for the giant tangent hello. the demons
398 notes · View notes