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multific · 11 months

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Soft and Smooth

Yautja x Reader

You were only a child when you were taken, you don't even remember your parents much.

You remember the fear that you felt. You remember the chains and the cage you were put in. But nothing much.

You grew up amongst Yautja.

You were a slave to a family of them.

A father, a mother and four younglings.

You served them.

And you served them right.

It was all you knew after all.

One day, your tribe was attacked, you were only a teenager when it happened.

The family you served suffered greatly, the mother and a youngling lost their lives. It was tragic.

Since you grew up with them, you learned their language but somehow you still couldn't always understand them. You were really good at reading but when they talked, you couldn't understand many things.

But you did understand that when you reached a young adult age, your master wanted to sell you to be prey for the next hunt.

You simply overheard their conversation.

His sons only arrived back from a hunt themselves, they all got their first kill and your master was very proud of them.

One, in particular, was extremely against the idea of giving you up. He was the oldest of the sons, T'un'tou.

You often heard how great of a warrior he was.

He lived on his own by now, but often visited his father.

Since he was the oldest, he moved out a while ago now, even got his first kill a while back.

Sometimes Yautja was an extremely confusing species. Other times, all of their actions made the most sense.

Like now, you were confused.

T'un'tou took you to his ship and told you that you are his now.

But he didn't say, slave or human.

Just his.

And now you were off to a new home to serve a new master.

But T'un'tou was very different from his father.

Your years living with him were short. He was already out of the home when you were just beginning to grow into the woman that you were today.

You didn't know much about him, and you couldn't recall much either.

But he was rather kind to you.

He took you to his home and even gave you a room.

The Tribe he lived in was the Hunter Tribe. A rather proud tribe who went on hunts more than the others. All members were extremely proud and strong.

The bones in T'un'tou's home were proof of his great accomplishments.

You lived with him for months, one time, he arrived back with a set of bones. He handed them to you and you nodded. You assumed he gave it to you so you can put it on display for him.

But it wasn't the reason.

It was meant to be a gift. A courting gift.

You were just too used to being a slave, you never thought it would be more.

Of course, you knew about their techniques and things. Yet, you failed to realize that it was happening to you.

T'un'tou being the rough warrior that he was loved soft things.

Every female he tried to be with, he always looked for softness, but he never found it.

Then, he remembered his father had a human.

A female human at that.

Humans were supposedly soft and fragile creatures.

So, he decided to visit his father more and more often.

And the rumours were true. One time, he touched your arm as you placed food in front of him, it was exactly what he craved.

Soft and supple skin against his rough one.

T'un'tou learned from his father that since all his sons left, he had no use for you and was thinking about selling you or giving you away for a hunt.

T'un'tou took this opportunity and asked his father to give you to him.

He gave you enough space to get comfortable and once he decided the time has come for him to court you.

He checked in with the healers and you were strong, you could bare a child of his which was great news, something in the future he could use.

T'un'tou also learned that by giving you his blood you would be able to have a longer life.

After that, he brought you to the healers monthly.

You didn't question it, you dared not to.

But you did notice how handsy he was.

He liked to touch your arms and one time he nearly gave you a heart attack when he suddenly touched your leg.

"Soft." he said and it was a word you understood. But he confused you.

Later that evening, he asked you to join his bed, for nothing more than sleep.

You felt like a soft toy. A bear plushie that he used so he could sleep.

But somehow, you didn't mind.

He arrived back with more and more bones. Giving them all to you and each time you wondered just where you should put them. Now having a designated place where each bone from him would go.

Then, one evening, after spending almost a year with T'un'tou you finally figured it out.

He was courting you.

It made sense why he talked about an offspring with the healer each month you were there. And also why you received blood each time.

You didn't really have a choice, did you?

You either die or accept that T'un'tou wanted you as his mate.

You wouldn't say no, you didn't wish to die just yet.

And T'un'tou was kind.

It wasn't much of a relationship starter but it was something. Given that Yautja could be extremely dangerous, kindness wasn't really something they were too familiar with.

You smiled as T'un'tou arrived back for the night. You were already in his bed, ready to sleep when he entered.

Seeing you comfortable under the furs, he felt at ease.

He soon found his place behind you, pulling you to his chest, ready to sleep.

How could such a huge and dangerous killing machine be so kind?

Somehow, you both knew in that moment, you both accepted each other. Now, all you needed is a mating ceremony so you could make it official and you would be finally his.

---

T'un'tou was a great mate.

Very eager but gentle.

He finally had the softness he craved his entire life.

And with his offspring in your belly, he felt full.

However, your pregnancy brought the best and the worst out of you.

But no wonder, you had a little half-human half-yautja baby under your heart!

T'un'tou was taking really good care of you making sure you have everything you need.

You have been craving some strange things lately.

He noticed you preferred meat almost raw meat at that. He was nervous it might poison you.

He never once left your side, not even when the opportunity came for him to go on a hunt.

He decided to stay with you and watch you.

He became your shadow basically.

Of course, you knew he wanted you and the baby to be safe. He wanted to protect and provide.

But then, he had an opportunity extremely rare and he knew he needed to go.

"I'll be fine." you told him as he left with the ship.

And you were fine.

Thinking about names, trying to figure out a way to make your bed more comfortable.

The tribe accepted you when you were wed to him.

Each day, your child grew bigger and bigger.

When your mate came back, he was delighted to see you so round. He felt like a truly victorious Yautja.

He presented you his kill, but of course, you couldn't care for the bones and skulls. You cared for him.

You did notice a new scar on his shoulder, pouting as you run your fingers over it multiple times.

You knew to them, it was a sign of battle and victory, but all you could think about was the pain he must have felt.

It made you sad but you were proud of his achievements.

Since he arrived back, he didn't leave your side for even a second constantly having his arms around you or his hand on your stomach.

"So soft," he said. "Soft and gentle." he said as his hands ran up your back, you felt his claws ever so slightly graze along your skin.

He never hurt you, you knew that.

"I often feel the baby move." you told him and you knew he didn't understand you but it was okay. You grabbed his hand and pulled it to your stomach, waiting for another kick which soon came.

"Strong." you told him in his language and you knew Yautja couldn't smile, but his eyes said it all.

Pure happiness.

Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster @capsiclesdoll @puknow @alwayshave-faith @alex12948 @lxdyred @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357 @trshngyn @avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou @mandoloriancookie @noname2246

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS

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sakuraoora · 1 year

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hello!! I'm new to Tumblr in general, so I apologize if I say anything wrong or are kinda awkward😭 could you do the anemo Boys with an s/o who faints a lot due to a medical condition? Sorry if that sounds weird, I have pots 😞 again I'm so sorry if i said anything wrong or if it was awkward!!<3

of course anon!! don't feel bad. i'm honored that you chose to interact with me! i didn't include aether because i consider him to be this other catagory though i mean we know he'll probably be able to use all of the elements in the future

WARNINGS. reader passing out, fluff, worried anemo boys

SHIPS. kazuha, scaramouche/wanderer, venti, xiao, heizou x reader (seperate)

ANEMO BOYS WITH A S/O THAT FAINTS A LOT

Kazuha.

You were climbing a mountain to Kazuha’s favorite location with him, when you blacked out. Regular black outs were nothing to be scared of for you, because they came with a medical condition you had. In addition to black outs, you also had low stamina.

You awoke suddenly to your boyfriend sleeping next to you, his arms acting as a pillow as he slept beside you. You smiled down at him, and shifted yourself to be facing his sleeping form, accidentally waking him up.

“Oh goodness…” he groggily said, his voice deeper due to just waking up. “It happened again… you’re lucky we weren’t climbing the steep portion yet or you would’ve been dead,” Kazuha said, his melodic voice relaxing you. “I think overexertion was the cause this time… hah, I should be more careful next time.”

You laughed and cupped his face in your hands, your foreheads meeting. “It’s fine. You did the right thing, bringing me back. How long have I been knocked out for?”

Kazuha grumbled, his warm hands cupping your cheeks as well. “Roughly half a day. You scared me, you know.”

“Half a day… a new record. Last time it was only an hour or so.”

“That isn’t an accomplishment to be proud of, dove.” Kazuha replied, his brows creasing as he gently pushed you away. “I know your cognition isn’t something life threatening, but what if you go to sleep and don’t wake up?”

“I know. I’m sorry for worrying you so much,” you replied, leaning your head back to stare at the ceiling, your arms supporting your sitting body.

“As long as I’m here… you don’t need to worry about a thing, dove.”

Venti

You might’ve been knocked out and fainted often due to your medical condition, but Venti would unintentionally take names that were several hours long. After all, the anemo archon had slept for hundreds of years in the past, leaving Mondstadt to do whatever the city pleased.

It might have escaped your mind to tell Venti that you were going to try to climb the windrise tree… so when you reached a stable branch, you were glad you accomplished the climb before passing out on the branch, slipping into unconsciousness as the gentle wind you fell in love with slowly brushed across your face, the rustling of leaves the only noise you could hear other than your own breathing.

Venti frantically looked for you. You had been gone for hours, and basically disappeared. He called upon the wind spirits, and he heard the sound of your breathing somewhere nearby one of his statues. He rushed over, and found where you were, perched on a tree comfortably, passed out.

He took a deep sigh, and giggled. “My windblume really thought it would be a stupendous great idea to climb that tree, hm? Well, I didn’t fall in love with them because they were easy to handle.”

Venti floated up and rested beside you, and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, gently kissing your forehead, took you into his arms and fell asleep beside you, cuddling you.

“I love you, windblume.”

Scaramouche // Wanderer.

Naturally, being your boyfriend and realizing you have a condition which makes you tired made him overprotective. He’d gone through so much, he always looked at you with warmth and concern.

But he’d floated away as he consumed his creator’s gnosis and lost all of his memories. He was constantly with Nahida, but she let you see him. And although he didn’t remember almost anything about his past, Scaramouche could only remember warm and comforting feelings when he was with you, as well as a bit of nervousness. He didn’t remember your condition.

He still remembered you with love, though, and you still were together.

So when you fainted in the middle of the street, he was filled with pure terror.

Everyone in Sumeru city stared as the false god they all worked to defeat with no memories of his past crimes gently picked you up and rushed you to a doctor.

4 hours.

He waited for 4, nervous hours filled with terror even as you lay passed out on the doctor’s bed. He rested his hand gently on yours. Did you even realize how much his heart throbbed as you lay unconscious?

So when you finally woke up, rubbing your eyes groggily as you sat up, Scaramouche grabbed your shoulders, head collapsing as he broke down into a chorus of sobbing.

You told him of your condition, and he wiped his teary eyes, and reprimanded you. “Don’t you dare ever do that again. My heart can’t take it.”

Xiao.

Xiao almost never slept. He hadn’t slept since his Yaksha friends died. And honestly? When Xiao visited you in the middle of the night, he admired your calm, peaceful sleeping face, illuminated by the silver glow of the moonlight. Whenever he neared you, he could feel the karmic debt lessening, and that was enough for him.

He heard of your condition already from you, and made you promise that you’d always call his name whenever you felt like you would pass out, or if you ever felt like you were in danger.

You were walking through a field of unbloomed glaze lilies, and you began to hum softly, triggering the glaze lilies to bloom. You heard a mitachurl with his group of hilichurls come close, and you drew your weapon, ready to fight.

You’d say, all in all, it was going pretty well. Until, of course, you drained too much energy and was about to pass out as the mitachurl swung his ax at you. So you softly called out his name, and the last thing you saw was Xiao appearing in a flash of anemo energy and anemo butterflies.

Xiao really didn’t see the need for you to strain yourself so much. The mitachurl was near death, and he saw the spoils of hilichurls surrounding the place with open glaze lilies that brought him back to a time when a certain mother-like figure used to sit amongst the delicate glaze lilies and hum a small lullaby that helped him drift him to sleep.

Now, as he carried your unconscious body to Wangshu Inn, he hummed that same tune that he loved so much for you.

Wherever and whenever you call my name, I’ll be here. Xiao silently vowed, slowly placing your unconscious body into your bed, tucking you in.

Heizou.

The number one Tenryou Commission detective was down bad for you. That was a known fact. Another known fact is that he spent way too much time solving insignificant cases dealing with dogs and had WAY too little time for his loved ones than he would’ve wanted.

His favorite guilty pastime? When you fainted and he could watch as you slowly woke up, with a familiar cocky smile plastered on his face as he asked for praise for getting you back safely and sticking by your side. And you always delivered.

But when you blackout when he wasn’t there… well, he panicked. Think, REALLY, REALLY panicked. The moment Kujou Sara walked in and said that you were found unconscious on the street. Whatever cases he had on hand were immediately discarded as he sprinted on to your shared home, where you were, resting.

Don’t expect to wake up to his usual damned smirk, but to eyes rimmed with eyebags from crying and sleep deprivation, petty anger welling as he starts telling you that you should never faint again without him nearby (he’s not really mad at you. He’s mostly mad at himself, because Heizou can’t bring himself to be mad at you for more than two minutes at a time).

“I know you were worried, Heizou.”

“Shut up and don’t do it again you big idiot.”

REBLOGS HELP MORE THAN LIKES!

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atierrorian · 9 months

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Personal Maid? Nah, Personal pillow

Context: You met Leona back when you were kids being his personal servant and apparently his personal pillow.

Warnings: Spoilers for Leona's backstory, mentions of negligence, being compared, ooc.

Note: Ya'll are crazy!! 300+ followers? I never thought I'd make it this far! So thank you guys for supporting me, I really really appreciate it!!

Back then, you were discordant being the personal maid of an entitled and spoiled second prince. you've heard a lot of rumors that he was apathetic and aloof. And despite accepting the fact that you would be a servant, you didn't want to be a servant to someone whose personality was like that.

But what choice did you have in the matter? No, your opinion didn't matter and you knew so you kept quiet and just complained in your head instead.

When you met him, you thought the rumors were true as he didn't seem interested or just kept quiet and always had a frown on his face. But the more you kept spending more and more time with him, the more you realized the rumors were all untrue.

Sure he was still kinda apathetic and somewhat true to the rumors, but it was only because he was neglected and the fact he was always compared to his brother only because he was the second prince and not the heir.

It wasn't fair, you both knew that but it was the rules, traditions, and stuff like that. But it didn't mean they had to go and neglect him just because he was the second prince and compare him to his brother, that's just adding salt to his wounds.

Everywhere you went, you'd always hear them whisper behind your back. "Falena is going to be a great King one day!" "Why is Leona always so lazy?" "Falena is better than Leona in every aspect" "I feel so sorry for the child that has to serve him until death."

You scoffed, that was none of their business. They all know nothing of Leona, why should they judge someone if they don't even know the person personally? That was what always irked you, all these rumors circulating around Leona about him being cruel when in fact it was the opposite. Sure he could be jealous but that's just how he is due to his life.

Everyone misjudged him because he wasn't the heir, he was the second prince. But it isn't even his fault that he was born a second prince. You didn't need to neglect or compare him.

So that's why you always stayed by his side, you may not understand what Leona feels but you'd learn to support him and always have his back over the years. Although everyone may wonder why you always stuck to him for so long and thought it was a miracle that you could put up with Leona.

Yes, Leona was a handful at times and was always lazy and kinda irresponsible, but he still tried to make some effort of being with you and always kinda attending to his duties at some times when he felt like it. And always made an effort of avoiding his family.

You smiled as you walked through the empty hallways of the NRC, you were very proud of Leona and his accomplishments, although you did became quite worried when he was becoming competitive with the famous Malleus Draconia.

My ears twitch and my tail swayed, you knew Leona didn't like being second place, for all you both knew he was always second place in every aspect of his life and always being compared.

But currently, your objective was to find Leona, wherever he was but you had a feeling you knew where he was.

You sighed, Leona really is going to be the death of you.

"I swear when I get my hands on him..." you grumbled, you were quite unhappy that you had to find Leona again. Where even is Ruggie when you need him? Sevens he's been a great help to you and you were able to take a breather every once in a while.

All's well that ends well I suppose.

you entered the botanical Garden and tried to spot Leona.

"I know he's here somewhere... This is literally where he mostly naps." you thought as you searched for him, hoping to find Leona, or where ever the fuck he is.

"Wherever Leona is, I swear I will put him in a chokehold!"

The botanical garden was beautiful, filled with numerous gardens, beautiful scenery, decorations, and lovely fragrances. Plants were hanging around the walls, and pots were hanging from the branches. you swear you could admire it all day if you could.

But no, you have to find the big cat.

And as if luck was on your side, you managed to spot a swishing tail and instantly knew it was Leona.

"Gotcha!"

I snuck up on him and sat down next to him, Strange, normally he would out to me and figure out that I was trying to sneak up on him, this was unusual. But why should I complain now?

"Leonaaa, wake uuuupp, pleaseee, I know you can hear me right?" I said in a whiny voice, trying to get him up and annoy him until he sits right back up. I tried poking him but suddenly a hand caught my wrist and I jolted slightly back.

It was Leona, Dang it, I really thought I had him this time.

He had a slight smirk on his face when he saw my irritated expression. He yawned and let go of my wrist.

"Seriously N/n?(Nickname) I really thought you were better than this. You gotta do better than that, that trick won't work sadly." He said smugly as I just wanted to punch him, gee, thanks I guess.

I scoffed and slightly rolled my eyes.

"Yeah yeah whatever, I honestly thought I had you there for a moment, but besides that, I've been looking everywhere for you! Can you not disappear for one second every time I look away?" I complained and had a slight pout and crossed my arms around my chest.

He shrugged and closed his eyes again, ready to take a nap again.

"The lectures are boring N/n, can I not go away for one second at least?" He said while opening one eye and giving me a side glance while I glared at him.

"Maybe, but don't disappear every single time, please! You're seriously going to be the death of me one day..."

"Why don't you nap with me?"

"You mean become your personal pillow again? As if, I'm already your personal servant, I don't think I need to be your personal pillow..." I sweatdropped, gee, honestly this Lion is so lazy for his own good.

He doesn't listen and grabs me by the hand and topples me over him and caging me in his arms as they're rapped around my waist. I sighed and practically gave up.

"Seriously Leona?"

He just grumbled in response and went back to taking a nap. I rolled my eyes and decided to just also sleep, I most certainly deserve it. I'll be lectured once we're done, I'm way too tired to deal with this right now and I already feel like I'm succumbing to sleep.

I yawned and relaxed my muscles, I guess I really am stuck being his personal servant and personal pillow for the rest of my life now. Not like it's any different from when we were children but still.

I felt my ears twitch and My eyelids getting heavier until I finally closed them.

Bonus:

"Why the hell did I fall asleep with you again!!!"

"Don't be so loud, you're hurting my ears, lower it down will you?"

#atier's works✎#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #twst imagines

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doumadono · 3 months

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EMERGENCY REQUEST

So I love your stuff and ofc take your time. Im really sorry to inconvenience you with this request but I'm just very stressed.

I recently moved into a new house with my family and we have been slowly moving things in for months. Apparently the landlord left the door unlocked after he came in to make some final repairs and someone broke in and stole some stuff. Nothing huge, some tools, a toaster oven, drill bits. We didn't think they stole anything else and my family didn't see a reason to make a report till I started looking for one of my boxes I moved previously and it was gone. It had all my cross country stuff in it and I know it's not important to anyone else but CC is my LIFE. I've been running for almost 5 years So all my medals, plaques, times, banners, numbers, memorabilia from courses are gone. And I don't know what anyone would want with any of it. None of it was worth any kind of money but all of it means so much to me emotionally. I SUCKED my first year and it took so much effort to EARN everything. I'm scared they are gonna start melting down my metals or try to pawn them. I know it sounds vain and maybe it is but I was so proud of everything I've accomplished in cross country. I had a mental break down for about 30 mins to an hour and idk what to do. CC helped motivate me to recover from my Annorexia and one of those metals I won right after I got out of the hospital. Im 4'10 (I am a senior in highschool) Im already at a disadvantage considering my legs are half the size of everyone else's. I had to work so hard to be where I am now and all my reward for my work it's just gone because someone was bored? Wanted to make some extra cash?

Do you think If/when you have time you could write MHA comforting someone who's going through this? Maybe Shoji or Amajiki? Or whoever you want and think would fit. Im sorry again I know it's vain to want all of it back but it just meant so much to me.

Shoji & Amajiki with a friend who lost their CC stuff

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Shoji

Shoji, noticing your distress, approaches quietly, acknowledging the pain without pressing for words.

With his calm demeanor, he approaches the friend, his extra limbs extending to offer a gentle, reassuring touch.

He speaks gently, "I heard what happened. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Take your time, but if you want to talk, I'm here."

Shoji respects your initial silence, patiently waiting for you to open up when you're ready.

He remarks, "Your achievements in cross country are a part of who you are. Losing them is like losing a piece of yourself, I bet but you still have the memories."

Shoji invites the friend to a quiet spot in the school, away from prying eyes, where they can share their feelings without judgment. "Sometimes, finding solace in silence can be more comforting than words."

Shoji suggests, "Let's work on a plan together. We'll search for your items and, if needed, involve our friends for more support. Even if the physical items are gone, your achievements and the strength you gained through cross country remain."

Amajiki

Amajiki cautiously approaches, "I heard about what happened. It's okay if you don't want to talk, but I'm here for you."

Amajiki silently sits with you, understanding that words may not be enough to express the depth of your pain.

He softly says, "Your achievements are not just medals. They're a reflection of your strength and resilience. No one can take that away."

Amajiki's gentle demeanor encourages the distressed friend to open up slowly, sharing the pain and memories associated with the lost stuff.

Amajiki softly suggests involving the authorities, realizing the emotional value of the stolen items. "I think it's important to let the authorities know. They might be able to help recover your belongings, and it's okay to ask for help."

Amajiki spends quiet moments with the distressed friend, acknowledging that sometimes, silent companionship speaks louder than words.

#emergency request #mezo shoji #shoji x reader #shoji mezo #mha fluff #mha headcanons #tamaki amajiki #amajiki tamaki x reader #amajiki x reader #amajiki tamaki #bnha fluff

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robininthelabyrinth · 10 months

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Ah, this is invisible_cities from ao3 - dropping off a plot bunny I mentioned in a comment on 'No Complaints' as requested, since you considered it intriguing and didn't want to lose the idea. It went: I keep being haunted by this kernel of an idea, an AU in which LQR&JC -Done Uncles(TM) - have a (political) reason to Swear Brotherhood. Especially if it meant seeing the reactions of LQR's nephews AND LXC's sworn brothers. I think Nie Minjue might actually approve, as you write him.

Convenient Brotherhood - ao3

“You would make a good teacher.”

Jiang Cheng froze, abruptly overcome with a wave of hideous embarrassment, then a moment later with a wave of self-disgust for having felt that embarrassment. It wasn’t as if he were doing anything shameful, after all.

He’d only been showing the newest set of Jiang disciples the basic forms that they would need to know in order to build their foundation in the Jiang sect’s sword style. It was one of the most basic duties of a sect. Although it was normally done by an instructor, rather than the sect leader directly, even Jiang Cheng’s father had occasionally stepped in to show the children how it was done. There was nothing embarrassing about doing what he was doing at all.

It was only – being perceived, he supposed.

He turned and tried to salute, saying, “Teacher Lan –”

Lan Qiren stopped him, catching his arm and pulling him upwards, his hand seeming to Jiang Cheng’s perception to be blazing hot where it touched his skin. “I have already told you to stop with that,” he chided, though quite gently, and that hot feeling spread over the rest of Jiang Cheng’s skin, right up to his neck. “It has already become tiresome, and you can’t keep it up forever, now that I am staying here.”

Yes.

There was – that.

Jiang Cheng didn’t want to think about that. On why Lan Qiren was now residing in the Lotus Pier, the length of his stay indeterminate, lasting until…

Until nothing. Jiang Cheng wasn’t thinking about it.

“How is Jin Ling doing?” he asked instead, because it was easier. Jin Ling was still a baby, in need of tremendous care, and in all honesty Lan Qiren’s presence had been a godsend in that regard – the Jiang sect needed care, too, as needy as an infant going through growing pains as Jiang Cheng tried to help it settle into its rightful position as a Great Sect, and there were only so many hours in a day. He was already being torn to pieces by his obligations. He couldn’t even imagine the damage it might do to him if he were trying to take care of both Jin Ling and his sect, all on his own, unsupported by anyone, least of all –

Wait, no, he wasn’t thinking about that.

“Quite well. He’s just realized he can wave around his toys on his own,” Lan Qiren said, accepting the change of subject gracefully, just as he always did. “He was quite proud of his great accomplishment.”

Just like his peacock of a father, Jiang Cheng wanted to say, but his throat closed up. It had only been a few months, no more than half a year, since – since Jiang Yanli – since she had…since Jin Ling was orphaned.

By all rights, Jin Ling ought to be right now in Lanling City, being cared for by his paternal relatives, but Jin Zixuan’s death had overturned a hornet’s nest there, and even Madame Jin, for whom Jin Ling was now her sole purpose in life, didn’t think it was a good idea to risk keeping him there. Accordingly to Lanling Jin custom, the child was typically raised by the mother for the first few years of life, then handed over to the father to be educated. So, with Jin Ling lacking both mother and father, Madame Jin had proposed that Jin Ling be temporarily handed over to Jiang Cheng…

She must have been in a very tough position to have asked for such a thing. Jiang Cheng tried not to think about it, because it meant that he got to keep Jin Ling by his side, got not to be alone. Just him and Jin Ling…and Lan Qiren, now.

It had really only been when Lan Qiren had walked in and plucked a sobbing Jin Ling out of Jiang Cheng’s arms, ordering the frantic and under-slept Jiang Cheng to go get some rest, that Jiang Cheng had remembered all those rumors that made out that it was Lan Qiren that had raised his nephews, even since infancy. From the capable fashion in which he tended to Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng was inclined to think the rumors were true.

And since there could be no questioning Lan Qiren’s integrity, he didn’t have to worry about entrusting Jin Ling to him. There could be no fear that Lan Qiren was a secret assassin, or bribed by the Jin sect, or – or whatever Jiang Cheng’s paranoid mind had come up with. Admittedly, it was probably a little offensive to use a respected elder like Lan Qiren as a babysitter, but Lan Qiren had never complained.

“You should consider what I said.”

Jiang Cheng shook himself out of his reverie. “What? What you said when?”

“That you would make a good teacher,” Lan Qiren said. He shook out his sleeves and started heading back inside – had he come all the way out to the training yards just to say that? But no, it was getting to be dinner time. He had come to call Jiang Cheng, another thing that no one had asked him to do but which he did, as meticulous and inexorable as the Lan sect rules in all the things he did.

Having someone who remembered that he needed to be called in, that he forgot things like eating and drinking if he was too distracted…Jiang Cheng really shouldn’t enjoy it as much as he did.

It shouldn’t make him as happy as it did.

Jiang Cheng caught up with Lan Qiren, falling into step by his side. “Is this some sort of hint that you changed your mind and would like to start teaching again?” he asked. “I’m sure we could set something up here for you, if you like.”

It wouldn’t be the same as the Cloud Recesses, though. Nothing was ever the same as home.

Jiang Cheng knew that better than most.

“I meant nothing more than what I said,” Lan Qiren said mildly. “I have not varied from my decision not to teach this year. Perhaps when Jin Ling is older, we can reconsider.”

Because Lan Qiren would probably still be here then, Jiang Cheng’s traitorous mind noted. Jin Ling would grow up, and grow older, and eventually return to Lanling Jin to inherit his patrimony, but Lan Qiren would still be here in the Lotus Pier, far away from home, rotting away in a place he didn’t belong –

Lan Qiren cleared his throat pointedly.

“You are letting his thoughts get away from you again, I think,” he said. He sounded amused, of all things. “Shall I recite the rules regarding the importance of mealtimes once again…?”

“Please don’t,” Jiang Cheng said hastily. He’d made the mistake, in the first few days of Lan Qiren’s tenure when Jiang Cheng had been incredibly bitter about how everything had all gone down, of retorting to one of Lan Qiren’s invocations by reminding him that the Lotus Pier was not the Cloud Recesses and so the Lan sect rules did not apply here. It had been unwontedly cruel of him – reminding a man of the home that he’d lost through the actions of others, actions for which Jiang Cheng was in no small part responsible, whether directly or indirectly through others of his sect for whom he bore responsibility – and he’d been deeply ashamed of himself at once.

Lan Qiren, in contrast, had taken it in stride: he had only mildly responded that the Lan sect rules applied not only to the Cloud Recesses but to any person belonging to the Lan sect, no matter where they were, and furthermore that in any place where humanity gathered there were always rules, even when they were unwritten. He had thereafter devoted much of his free time, insofar as such a thing existed, into compiling a set of rules for the Lotus Pier.

Jiang Cheng had thought the project ridiculous at first, but Lan Qiren was meticulous, in this as with all things, and the first small booklet he had presented to Jiang Cheng had been…

Jiang Cheng hadn’t had any words for how it made him feel, only that he’d urgently needed to excuse himself to hide in his room and cry for a while, but in a good sort of way. The booklet contained not only the first few rules that Lan Qiren proposed, all of which were perfectly in keeping with the Lotus Pier’s tradition and full of good sense besides, but also the basis behind them: the logical arguments both in favor and against, the potential consequences, and most of all the history behind them, gleaned from the dozens of interviews Lan Qiren had conducted among both the few survivors of the Lotus Pier’s massacre and the common people outside their door.

Jiang Cheng treasured each survivor more than gold, but he’d never really known how exactly to ask them, or even what, and he’d never thought about asking the common people at all. To unexpectedly find that they, too, knew the stories of his family, his ancestors, to see the casual anecdotes his father had once, in a rare sharing mood, recited for them over dinner and which Jiang Cheng had nearly forgotten, all written down neatly in a book, something that could be copied and duplicated and remembered into the future…

There were stories in there that even he hadn’t known. Ones his father hadn’t mentioned, or hadn’t had a chance to, stories that his distant cousins, the older ones, recognized with a start that suggested they’d forgotten them, too – even stories about his mother, ones that she’d long ago discarded as embarrassing. Stories that made her appear in his memory, vivid and beautiful and headstrong, simultaneously just as he’d known her and yet also somehow like learning about her for the first time.

There were stories about Jiang Yanli, too. Things Jiang Cheng had never known about her, how she went out among the common people to help them small things within her power, dealing with the little pests and pestilences that accompanied daily life but which would win no one any fame and which most cultivators disdained as a result – even her likes and dislikes, recorded from the mouths of the merchants that had always saved a portion of their wares for her.

Even stories about him –

…anyway, the rules were good. The Jiang sect’s motto might be attempt the impossible, but there was no harm in having some structure. All his new disciples still needed their foundation, after all.

“Do you really think I’d be a good teacher?” Jiang Cheng asked, settling down beside the table. The Lan sect rules generally prohibited speaking during mealtimes, but they hadn’t started yet – Jin Ling still needed to be brought over by his wet nurse, since Lan Qiren insisted that all meals be taken together and Jiang Cheng, who would have Jin Ling in his sight at all times if he could, didn’t disagree. “I think most of my disciples are afraid of me.”

“If being cantankerous were a disqualifier, no one would ever come to me,” Lan Qiren said, and Jiang Cheng had to suppress a snort – the other man’s sense of humor was another thing that had come as a surprise. Lan Qiren was in fact quite strict with his students; it was only now that Jiang Cheng had graduated to being one of his peers that Lan Qiren had allowed him to see the more personable aspects of his character. “Your disciples fear your temper, yes, but they respect and adore you. You will be an excellent teacher.”

“The Jiang sect sword style –”

“Not just that.”

“No?”

“Don’t look down on yourself. You have more to give to the world than just your blood and sweat.”

Jiang Cheng’s hand stole, without his permission, to rest on his stomach, on the stolen golden core that glowed inside of him, inescapable reminder of Wei Wuxian’s sacrifice of which he had been completely ignorant until – until it was very nearly too late. So very nearly. “I don’t know about that.”

It wasn’t a denial, though.

It was…hope, Jiang Cheng supposed. Hope that there might be something he could offer the world that wasn’t his bloodline or his endless years of effort, all of which seemed to turn to dust at once upon the revelation that it had been Wei Wuxian’s talent and sacrifice that had made it all possible. Being a teacher didn’t rely on or even require a golden core, especially if he taught the way Lan Qiren meant – not just swordsmanship, but cultivation, whether of one’s power or one’s mind.

It might be nice to have students, rather than soldiers.

“It’s settled, then,” Lan Qiren said. “We’ll plan out a curriculum for next year.”

As if it were that simple…though now that Jiang Cheng thought about it, why couldn’t it be? He was the sect leader here, with no elders to stand on his shoulders and force him to stop, and he had Lan Qiren, whose fame as a teacher was personal to him rather than generalized to his sect. If they let out that he would be teaching again, people from all over the cultivation world would send their children to learn, even if Jiang Cheng were teaching as well.

Maybe, after a while…

It wasn’t like Lan Qiren was going anywhere. He couldn’t.

Or, well, he could, technically. There was nothing wrong with Lan Qiren’s legs or his ability to fly a sword, he could walk out any time. But he wouldn’t – not when his presence in the Lotus Pier was one of the pillars that held together the cultivation world. Not when…

“Didi should stop thinking so much,” Lan Qiren said, and Jiang Cheng winced the way he always did when Lan Qiren acknowledged the forced sworn brother relationship between them. “It’s not doing you any good.”

Jiang Cheng snorted. That was true enough. “This is when most people say I ought to get a wife.”

“What would be the point? If you wanted one, you’d have one.”

“The matchmakers –”

“Cannot do anything if the person asking them for help is also purposefully sabotaging their attempts. It’s really no surprise that they’ve banned you for wasting their time.”

Jiang Cheng grumbled a bit at that, but didn’t argue – mostly because the wetnurse had finally come, holding Jin Ling (who was, in fact, beaming at the toy clutched in his hand), and the fact that Lotus Pier didn’t have a rule against speaking at mealtimes meant absolutely nothing if the only two options were the silent Lan Qiren and the unintelligible Jin Ling.

After, Jiang Cheng collected Jin Ling and went with Lan Qiren for a walk through some of the pavilions. They stayed silent for a long while, Lan Qiren picking paths at random – whether he liked after-meal walks for the purposes of digestion or if it was simply another Lan sect habit, Jiang Cheng didn’t know – but then they ended up in front of the empty courtyard that Jiang Cheng had once had built with Wei Wuxian in mind, naively dreaming about the day his right hand would stop with his nonsense and need a place of his own to live, not too far away, so that their children would one day be able to play with each other…

Jiang Cheng turned his face away, his mouth compressing into a hard line as he tried to control himself.

Lan Qiren slowed to a stop as well.

“He’s taken to including notes on the back of Wangji’s letters to me,” he finally said, looking out across the water to avoid eye contact – thoughtful of Jiang Cheng’s dignity, gracious as always. “Since you’re not accepting the ones he writes.”

Jiang Cheng laughed, though the sound of it hurt his throat. “I accept them. I just don’t read them, or reply…what’s the point? Everything that could be said has already been said.”

Lan Qiren frowned, clearly on the verge of disagreeing, but Jiang Cheng got ahead of him for once.

“Aren’t you angry?” The words burst out of his mouth. “Aren’t you – it’s his fault you’re here, instead of at home. At home, with your nephews, with your family…”

“I maintain an extensive correspondence with those members of my family I actually like, and for the first time in my life, I am able to ignore those I do not,” Lan Qiren said, and Jiang Cheng choked on the sheer incongruity of the statement. “I will not deny that it is strange to be here, or to think that I will be here for a long while yet. But my family can visit me, and I them, and things will not remain this way forever.”

“Forever, no. But – still –”

“I do not see it as a burden to be here with you.”

Jiang Cheng’s mouth dropped open. Lan Qiren had hit the heart of the matter like a dagger to the chest.

“I have always liked you,” Lan Qiren continued, straightforward and serious and patient, as if it was the first time he was saying those words instead of it being the thousandth repetition – though Jiang Cheng would hear it a thousand times more if he could. “You were a pleasure to teach, and you have not only attempted but achieved the impossible by resurrecting your sect after such devastation. You accomplished that, not Wei Wuxian, and not Wei Wuxian’s golden core; if strength in cultivation were all that were required to lead a Great Sect, we would not be so few in number. Even though the circumstances were not what any of us might have wished, I am pleased to call you my sworn brother.”

He paused – that was where he usually ended this particular recitation – but this time he seemed as though he had more to say. After a moment, he continued.

“I am only regretful that I am not the one you would have wished I be.”

Jiang Cheng had to turn away again, his eyes and nose hot with viciously suppressed tears that had sprung up out of nowhere. It was true, painfully true: it wasn’t supposed to be Lan Qiren that was living here in the Lotus Pier, it wasn’t Lan Qiren that was meant to be Jiang Cheng’s sworn brother.

It should have been Wei Wuxian.

But after Jin Zixuan died and Jiang Yanli died, it hadn’t been Jiang Cheng who had come to Wei Wuxian’s defense against the cultivation world. He’d led the forces that aimed at the Burial Mounds himself, insensate with grief and convinced that Wei Wuxian must have died or lost his soul long ago to have done such terrible things. He’d had some hazy thoughts of being the one to capture him, somehow knock some sense into him, but if he were being honest with himself he knew that it probably wouldn’t have worked out well for either of them if he and the Jin sect had been the first ones to reach the Burial Mounds.

Only – he hadn’t been.

It’d been Lan Wangji that got there first, Lan Wangji that knocked Wei Wuxian out and stole him away along with the rest of the Wen remnants, hiding them all away where the cultivation world wouldn’t ever think to find them. He’d been the one to declare that he and Wei Wuxian had sworn brotherhood with each other, and that that made Wei Wuxian a member of the Lan sect, all but marrying him in as if he were a woman.

(The way his father had, when it had been his bride who was accused…not that anyone outside the Lan sect, and very select others like Jiang Cheng, knew about that.)

Even that stratagem might not have worked, regardless of the Lan sect’s (reluctant) willingness to stand behind Lan Wangji – the cultivation world had pulled back in its confusion and out of respect for the Lan sect’s standing as a Great Sect, but it wouldn’t have lasted very long, not with how angry they were at Wei Wuxian. Only then Wei Wuxian had somehow used the extra few days that Lan Wangji had bought him to figure out that Wen Ning and Wen Qing were not actually dead the way the Jin sect had said he was, only hidden away, and that the supposed attack in Lanling had in fact been of the Jin sect’s own creation, that they’d intentionally incited Wen Ning in order to have a reason to steal Wei Wuxian’s creation and raid the Burial Mounds for his notes, seeking the source of his powers.

Decrying demonic cultivation with one side of their mouth, pursuing it eagerly with the other: the Jin sect had behaved like hypocrites of the first order, and worse, there were rumors that certain small sects that had recently disappeared had not in fact merely scattered or been absorbed into other sects, but turned into experiment fodder for the Jin sect’s vile experiments.

Jin Guangshan, caught with his pants down, had splutteringly tried to exculpate his sect, and when that didn’t work, he cast all the blame on the newly named Jin Guangyao, the bastard child. He’d even blamed him for inciting Jin Zixun to go lay an ambush at the Qiongqi Path, setting up the initial confrontation with Wei Wuxian, and then sending Jin Zixuan out without proper backing, hoping to use Wei Wuxian as a weapon to eliminate the heir that stood in front of him on his way to Jin sect leadership.

He’d offered to have him executed to appease the cultivation world’s anger.

No one had entirely bought the idea of it all being Jin Guangyao’s fault, not really, but it wasn’t as though most of them were in any position to object, not with the Jin sect being one of the few that was still strong after the Sunshot Campaign. Jin Guangshan might have been able to get away with it, if it hadn’t been for Nie Mingjue stepping forward and claiming Jin Guangyao as a member of his sect through their sworn brotherhood, based on the very same precedent that Lan Wangji had just established. It had saved Jin Guangyao’s life and freed him to testify against his father, confirming all those deeply unfortunate rumors and even more…

Really, it was no surprise that Madame Jin didn’t want Jin Ling to be in Lanling City right now.

As for Lan Qiren, the situation had been quite simple. With the Jin sect in turmoil and the Nie sect temporarily disgraced for having willingly taken in a potential fratricide, and moreover Wei Wuxian, the founder of demonic cultivation, now firmly in the hands of the Lan sect, the entire order of the cultivation world had been turned on its head, with the Lan sect standing ascendant above them all.

Only the Jiang sect was out in the dark alone.

Lan Xichen was Nie Mingjue’s younger sworn brother as well, providing the Nie sect with security, and the Jin sect was in no position to demand anything for themselves; only Jiang Cheng and his sect were the losers, now lacking both Wei Wuxian and adding in the additional burden of Jin Ling, and it had been Jiang Cheng’s own foolish decisions that had led him to that point. In order to maintain balance, to keep the cultivation world from fearing another war like the last one, it seemed obvious to everyone that the Lan sect needed to turn over a hostage to the Jiang in order to maintain peace.

Jiang Cheng hadn’t liked that as the answer, but…it was his sect.

It was something he had to do.

He would always do what his sect needed him to do.

But the question arose of who the hostage could be. It had to be someone of the main line, someone important and valuable enough that the sect would be deeply invested in getting them back, and obviously it couldn’t be Lan Xichen, the sect leader. And yet it seemed cruel for it to be Lan Wangji, who had done so much for Wei Wuxian, who loved him so desperately and who, rumors said, was loved in return…

Even Jiang Cheng, who resented Lan Wangji to no end simply because of how soul-scaldlingly jealous he was of him, didn’t have the heart to split them up.

They had been trapped in a seemingly impassible dilemma, and it had been only solved when Lan Qiren had volunteered himself for the task, pointing out that his nephews would be committed to his well-being in just the way that was required; he’d then ignored their protests and swore brotherhood with Jiang Cheng, agreeing to go live in the Lotus Pier for as long as it took the cultivation world to grow steady and peaceful once more, which would probably only happen when Jin Ling reached adulthood and took on his father’s sect as his own. Sworn brotherhood was what it was called, but it was only a mockery of the more genuine connections that had come before – Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, who were lovers, and Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao, who were…something, anyway. In reality, though, out of all of them, Lan Qiren was the only one who really was nothing more than a hostage.

Lan Qiren had taken it more philosophically than Jiang Cheng had.

“It’s not that,” Jiang Cheng finally forced out through numb lips. “It’s not – I like having you here.”

The confession was true, but that sometimes felt like the worst of it, the worst betrayal he had yet done. Wei Wuxian had given Jiang Cheng everything, even his golden core, a revelation that only came after everything had all been agreed, Wen Qing furiously angry from her near-death experience and lashing out recklessly with the truth as her only weapon, no matter how much she regretted it later. Wei Wuxian had given it all to him, and here was Jiang Cheng, living happily, letting another person fill Wei Wuxian’s shoes, take his place, forcing the role on a person who didn’t even belong here, and being traitorously happy about it all.

After all, Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have known what to do with Jin Ling, not the way Lan Qiren did, experienced and confident. Wei Wuxian wouldn’t know all the things Jiang Cheng had never learned about sect leadership, wouldn’t be available as a teacher, as a guide, as a mentor. Wei Wuxian…

Wei Wuxian would never have said I do not see it as a burden to be here with you.

“I am glad,” Lan Qiren said simply.

He even meant it, too.

“I – I can’t –”

“Do not strain yourself. A journey takes a step at a time, you don’t need to rush ahead to the end.”

Jiang Cheng nodded, and looked down at Jin Ling, who’d since fallen asleep, sucking his thumb.

“A teacher,” he finally said, once he’d gotten enough control of himself. He let himself imagine it – not just the actual act of teaching, but the joys behind it: grading papers with Lan Qiren, discussing topics, exchanging anecdotes, rolling their eyes at their juvenile tricks. Even the thought of Jin Ling having more children to play with as he grew up, and a reason to come back every year even after he went back to Lanling… “I could get used to that idea.”

Maybe, one day, he could even bring himself to look at Wei Wuxian’s letters.

Maybe, one day, he could write back.

My family can visit me, and I them, and things will not remain this way forever – that was what Lan Qiren had said. If it was true for him, then why not, maybe, for Jiang Cheng as well?

One day.

Not yet –

But one day.

#mdzs #jiang cheng #lan qiren #my fic #my fics #last one of the fourth round of prompts!!!#I can finally close the document!#this one can be read as platonic or shippy as people prefer

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morkofday · 6 months

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i find it so ironic how after becoming blind or, simply, disabled, day also turns invisible. suddenly, he's just not there, like it's not he who cannot see but he who cannot be seen.

ppl don't really talk to him, don't address him, barely give him any choices of his own. they talk over him and past him and around him, about him, surely, but not to him. it's like he's not there. he's this huge responsibility, but he's no longer a person. he's left to places like a dog or an object to wait for others to do all the things for him, and then he's just expected to agree with their plans. the same plans that still affect him and his life and future.

no wonder he's so angry and fed up with everybody. he wants to speak for himself. he wants to be heard and seen again. he used to enjoy having eyes on him – as a national athlete, there obviously were many (admiring, evaluating, assessing) eyes on him, and he liked the spotlight. he's obviously very proud of his own accomplishments and it must be frustrating to be suddenly reduced into nothing. like what he did never mattered. like who he is never mattered.

he is just this now. his blindness. someone who can be overlooked bc he cannot see it anyway. he's not far from being dead, as he puts it himself.

meanwhile, mork experiences the brutality of being abandoned over and over again. that's his wound. when his sister leaves, the pain gets the loudest, but even outside of that, he's hearing the same thing over and over again.

from what we got to know, no one ever really learned why exactly rung decided to kill herself. i assume it was the guilt over feeling like she failed mork, like she brought him more peril than was worth living for (debt?). she obviously wanted mork to have a good future, but i guess none of her actions ever translated to mork in that way.

to him, rung left after deciding that mork just wasn't worth it. she took "the easy way out" after realizing that fighting beside mork and tolerating his behavior just weren't worth the effort. mork really wasn't making the best choices, but i don't think he was ever "beyond saving". mork just thinks this is how it all went.

and then he keeps hearing the same thing from others:

after being in jail, his friends abandon him even if he took part in that fight for them. he wasn't enough for them to stick around (not that they were actually that good company, but he knew them, spent time with them, relied on them on some level)

porjai broke up with him bc mork was prioritizing his friends over his girlfriend. which porjai points out humorously, as is part of their friendship as exes, but which lands as a stab anyway. "you weren't enough as you are," it says. "you should've done better to not have me leave you."

no one wants mork to work for them bc all they can see is his past mistakes and not him trying to presently correct them. his skills aren't enough to overshadow what he did. him trying to be better cannot erase those mistakes he already made. "you should've been better to begin with," it says. "there's nothing you can do to change that now."

ppl keep turning their backs on mork, leaving him behind, labeling him unworthy or simply not good enough. even day's family does this, looking at him once and going, "you obviously do not belong here."

day disagrees. on some level at least, he disagrees. bc mork actually sees him. after all this time, someone actually sees him again.

meanwhile, well. we had that whole montage at the end of the episode to tell us how badly mork wishes to believe that someone is finally giving him a chance to prove he isn't a lost cause, that he is worth something.

my expectations for the second ep are that these two are going to learn just how bad it actually feels when someone is able to see you and how hard you will have to work to prove yourself to those who barely wish to listen.

#sorry this probably doesn't even make sense but #i had to get this out bc of that analysis i reblogged #cannot move on from day going blind and becoming invisible #it's so ironic #meanwhile there's the fact that no one believes in mork having a future #even he doesn't believe in having a future #and then he becomes day's caretaker and guide in life #which is like a blind guiding blind #which once again is ironic #last twilight

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olskuvallanpoe · 2 months

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one of the most devastating parts of growing up with dead poets society as a beloved movie, is that you realize once you’re an adult that neil really could have had a happy life eventually.

when I was a teenager, I wanted to do what neil did, and I couldn’t even imagine a life beyond 18. I felt trapped, hopeless, unlovable, and alone. I didn’t see the point in being the golden kid any longer because nothing made me happy. I was like a bird in a cage, no matter what I did.

but now? now, I know myself better, and I’m doing things that make me happy. I have joy in my life, and I have accomplishments I can be proud of. I can picture a life beyond a few years ahead, and I look forward too it, no matter what the restrictions imposed on me in childhood did to try and keep me in the fold.

that’s the most upsetting part of dead poets society, though. that neil could have found something like this one day too, if only he’d been able to survive a little longer. he could have found happiness and contentment. he could have found his rightful place in the world, but now, no one will ever know just how much he could have accomplished. that’s the true tragedy.

#dead poets society #text #neil perry #spoilers #tw sui talk #depressing shit #dead poets #your emotional state really is just shit when you’re a teen #especially if you also have mental illnesses #watching it as an adult though is just heartbreaking #rip neil

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freelancearsonist · 9 months

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"if you called just to get off on my voice, i’m hanging up" w/ nathan 🤭

ooooooh i haven’t written for nathan in a while! thank you for sending this in ☺️

warnings: gn!reader, no physical descriptions, actually clean wtf, established relationship/mentions of sexual relationship between reader and nathan, kind of a boss/employee relationship but that’s not the main theme if that makes sense

It’s been three weeks to the day since you packed your things and told Nathan you were going back to New York. It’s been three weeks, twenty-one days, of wondering exactly where the fuck you went wrong.

You hate that sly bastard. You want to tell him to go to hell and never speak to him again.

You also want nothing more than to jump the first plane back so you can fall into his arms again.

He’s a bastard and you’re totally in love with him.

Really, you’re just trying to teach him a lesson—but it’s not going how you planned. You expected him to chase after you, to beg you to stay, and instead all he said was, “fine. Come back when you’re over it.”

Such an asshole. He probably thinks you couldn’t possibly live without him, that you’re some helpless airhead who needs him to survive. Well, fuck him. That’s exactly what you left to disprove—you don’t need him, he needs you. He’s helpless without you, genius or not, and until he realizes this and begs for your return you’re not going to budge.

Maybe it’s not going as planned, but you know Nathan. You know he’s a stubborn idiot and he doesn’t admit defeat, but you also know he loves you. He’s told you as much, and made a point of assuring you that you’re the only person he’s ever had that’s worth saying those three words to. Like it’s an award, that you got under his skin. Like you should be proud of it.

The worst part is, you are proud. Because you know for a fact he wouldn’t waste his breath on saying it if it didn’t really mean something—everything—to him.

You’ve gotten under his skin as much as he’s under yours and it’s the accomplishment of the century.

It’s an awkward standstill that you’re at, because life is so boring without your boyfriend around to ask you a million questions and info dump to you and fuck the life out of you, but he also needs time to realize you’re not one of his sex robots. That you’re a living, breathing human with a brain, not some empty-headed plastic shell. You’re smart and you want to do things and he needs to make peace with that.

Week number four is when it finally clicks for him. He gets it. You like being his romantic partner, but you also want to be his partner in a professional sense.

He realizes he needs to utilize your skills and put your expertise to work the way he hired you to do, before he fell in love with you and turned you into a glorified house-partner.

He knows it’ll hurt his pride to call you and admit that he was an asshole. But he also knows that you’re the only one that can navigate where everything is in the kitchen, and he’s been drinking nothing but green juice for weeks. It’s time to call you, to bring you home. To make you his partner in every possible sense.

He’s a little bit surprised when you actually answer. He figured he’d have to try harder.

“God, I missed your sexy voice.”

It’s a very Nathan way to start the conversation, and it makes you laugh as you reply, “If you called just to get off on my voice, I’m hanging up.”

“That’s not why I called and you know it.” He almost sounds like a petulant child, and you can’t stop yourself from having a little fun with him.

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

“And why is it you called?”

He hesitates for a long moment, then: “I’m sorry.”

Two words you’ve never heard from him before, and they make your heart flutter. “For what?”

“For being a narcissist.” He sighs. “I want you to come home. I need your help. In the lab.”

You can’t help the involuntary smile that spreads across your face, because Nathan always gives you exactly what you want in the end.

“Let me get my bags. I’ll be there on the next flight.”

#cece writes #nathan bateman #nathan bateman x reader #nathan bateman drabble #nathan bateman fanfiction

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omegalomania · 2 years

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highlights from the virtual signing joe did back before his book tour, cause i havent seen anyone talk about it yet:

ppl who participated in the signing got to do a sweepstakes for a merch package and when the spokesperson was showing it off joe was like "and it's got a LOCKPICK and a GARROTE and a BALACLAVA so just DO WHATEVER DAMAGE YOU LIKE"

he introduced black flag, his favorite band, to his daughter and she thought it sounded terrible lkdfjldjfkd

when fob went to induct green day at the hall of fame joe mentions smoking weed with joan jett and miley cyrus. icon.

he regrets not having better tools to deal with his anxiety about touring and worrying about how every time he got in the van he'd be leaving home. "...and i wish i had, instead of looking out the back window, looked toward the front of the van and realized i was with four or five of my best friends and that i was in safe company."

re: the rest of the band, "they are like brothers, at the end of the day. it's a brotherly relationship."

his 8 year old begs him to watch horror movies and r-rated movies with him and he tells her she can watch them when she's 30

"let's talk about music. nothing better than talking about music. don't listen to it. just talk about it."

when asked about his proudest accomplishment: "i love all my children equally. but here's the reality. i am SO proud of fall out boy because it's a gigantic band that i started as a teenager. we just did stadium shows supporting GREEN DAY."

he's also super proud of the damned things and how honored he was that scott ian from anthrax, one of his personal heroes, trusted him to do so much writing

the interviewer goes, "all right here's a softball" and joe goes, "SOFT ME. uh, what?"

his favorite guitar is his 1965 reverse-body gibson firebird

his favorite transformer is grimlock

this question was supposed to be a lightning round but when asked "nintendo or sega" he says nintendo and then spends about 3 minutes talking abt punchout and then rattling off obscure sonic trivia. i love him.

his favorite video game is final fantasy 7. he says he "nearly flunked" out of middle school because of it.

he has a hard time picking a favorite horror movie since he loves horror but he picks "texas chainsaw massacre" as the one that affected him the most. he also recommends "anything for jackson" because it will "give you nightmares, if you are interested in having nightmares"

his favorite star wars character is yoda because his wisdom applies to real life very frequently

a fan-submitted question talked about with knives and how much the fan liked his vocals and both the interviewer and joe smiled REALLY big!!!!

sadly he doesn't like singing that much cause he doesn't like his voice. also he says fall out boy has a really good singer already. but he won't rule out doing some solo venture and recording super distorted vocals someday

re: what he wants to be remembered for the most - "having a sick bod, man."

"no, genuinely, i want my children to remember me as a good father. that's like the truth. and for having a sick bod."

he really doesn't hold any grudges about the hazing he got in the early days of touring because it was an initiation ritual and it weathered him quickly to touring life. he doesn't think people could get away with it now though.

"if you're gonna punch somebody though, do it when they're not looking"

re: favorite song to play live - "i don't care" because it "Just Rocks." and it's really fun!

his bluetooth in his car started playing "of all the gin joints in the world" and he texted patrick about how good of a song it was and how it'd be nice to play it live again

"as the kids maybe used to say, it SLAPS." brief discussion regarding the difference between a bop and a slap.

currently most of his musical ambitions lie in whatever fall out boy will do next

he tried scoring and composing for commercials and the like and he found that he really does not like it that much

he apologizes for not getting a haircut before the livestream. "this is just how i am, sloppy and unpresentable." (note: he was doing this livestream after a 13-hour flight from rock in rio in brazil)

#fall out boy #joe trohman #*making poasts #i felt like doing this tonight because certain Subsections of bandom are being very irritating and id like some good vibes #plus this was a really lovely little q&a #of all the gin joints!!! he would love to play it live again!!!!!

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crystaldust · 5 months

Text

Lester Levenson's story (part 1)

/Source/ (part 2)

Lester turned his life around completely in 3 months. He was 42, a successful physicist and entrepreneur, but was unhappy and very unhealthy (including mentally). He had a massive heart attack and was on the brink of death, with no hopes of recovering. Upon discharged from the hospital he found himself to be very angry, frustrated and depressed. He seriously considered ending his life right then.

He pondered on the meaning of life, realizing that his life had been meaningless, that all he wanted was to be happy and he never got it. His life had been an endless cycle of struggle in exchange for quick, momentary bliss. Nothing made any sense anymore. All his possessions and accomplishments felt meaningless and empty. He decided he wanted to at least get some answers before he died.

He focused on a few questions:

♡ What is life? What is it that I’ve been looking for? A: Just a little happiness ♡ what is happiness? How do you get it? Where do you find it? ♡ What is life? What is this world all about and what is my relationship to it? ♡ How did I get into this mess I’m in? Is there a way out of it?

He searched in the dictionary and all the books he could get a hold of (by physicists, philosophers, etc) but nothing helped. He realized that all the knowledge he had acquired in his life was useless, that he was stupid and that he wouldn’t be able to find the answers in books written by other people who didn’t know it either. So he let go of that, and by doing that, a burden was lifted from his shoulders.

The problems were within him, he reasoned. It was his body, his mind, his emotions. The answers must be within him, too. That was his lab, and that’s where he would look.

He worked by trial and experience, having two-way conversations with himself, first posing a question, then exploring each possible answer until he could either validate it or eliminate it.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

♡ First month: What is happiness?

A: Happiness is when you’re being loved.

Q: Are you happy now?

A: No.

Q: Then that must mean you are not loved!

A: That’s not exactly true. Your family loves you, so do your friends and past lovers.

It came as a shock that with all that love, he still wasn’t happy. It became obvious that being loved was not the answer to happiness.

Q: Maybe happiness lies in accomplishments.

A: He was proud of himself, but not happy.

Q: Well, then, have I ever been happy and if so, when?

A: He reviewed his past and found several moments with friends and loved ones where he felt truly happy. He thought of his lost love from 20 years ago and he fell apart with all the suppressed emotions he held for so long.

Q: What was the common denominator from all those happy moments?

A: Happiness is when I am loving! He realized that in every instance his feeling of love for the other person had been intense and that’s where the happiness had come from, from his own feeling of loving. It was so clear to him now that being loved was not the answer. He could see that even if people loved him unless he felt the love in return, he was not going to be happy. Their loving might make them happy but it would not, could not, make him happy.

He looked at the unhappy times in his past now and it was very obvious that he had not been loving.

About his past lovers: He loved them, needed them, wanted them. But was that love, he wondered now. No, it was painful … he was experiencing pain that they didn’t love him. And even though he called it love, he was really wanting to possess them completely, thinking he needed all their love to be happy. That was the key! He had been experiencing a want or lack of love, expecting the other person to supply the love, waiting for the other person to make him happy.

The truth is that he’d been all the time dying inside for want of love, thinking he had to get it from someone. What he’d been looking for all his life was inside him.

Q: If happiness is when I’m experiencing love for the other one, then that means happiness is a feeling within me. And if I felt unloving in the past? Well, I know I can’t change the past, but could I possibly correct the feeling now inside myself? Could I change the feeling to love now?

He looked at his most recent unhappiness, the day he left the hospital.

Q: First, was I experiencing a lack of love that day?

A: Yes, he felt like no one cared about him. He hated the doctor the most.

Q: Well, can I change it? Is it possible to turn it into love for the doctor?

A: Hell, no, why should I? What did he ever do to deserve any love?

Q: That’s not the point. The point is not whether he deserves love. The point is, can you do it? Is it possible to simply change a feeling of hatred into a feeling of love – not for the benefit of the other person but yourself?

As the thought crossed his mind, he felt something break loose in his chest. A gentle easing, a sense of dissolving, and the burning sensation of rage was gone.

It seemed too easy so he pictured again the scene with Dr. Schultz in the hospital. He was surprised to find that it brought only a mild feeling of resentment rather than the previous intense burning hatred.

Q: Can I change this feeling of resentment into a feeling of love?

He thought of Dr. Schultz again, pictured him in his mind and felt happy, even loving.

A: “Doctor Schultz, you son-of-a-gun,” he said, grinning, “I love you.”

He went on to apply the same process to other unhappy memories and buried feelings.

Each time that he asked himself if he could change the feeling of hostility or anger or hatred to one of love, the dissolving process took place. Sometimes he had to repeat it over and over until he felt only love for the person. At times, the entire process would take only a minute or two; at other times, it might take him hours.

One by one, he changed all the old hurts and disappointments to love. He began to feel stronger as the weight of his pain dropped away. He was happier than he had ever been in his entire life, and he kept it going, feeling even more happiness with each new thing corrected.

He wondered how far he could take this. Was there a limit to happiness?

He kept going. Whenever someone bothered him in any way, he was able to correct that response with love either immediately or shortly after that. The experience pleased him, and he found himself loving others with an intensity far beyond anything he had imagined possible. Eventually, he got to a point where, no matter how much he was being opposed, he could maintain a feeling of love for them.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

♡ Second month: Accepting the unwanted (aversions)

He kept trying to correct his feelings about his lost love, but couldn’t fully deal with it, there was a feeling of despair which he couldn’t get past. He instinctively wanted to do anything to get away from those intense feelings. He couldn’t understand why he couldn’t dissolve them.

He started crying from all the pent up pain, wondering why she left him when they could have been so happy together. Why did she do it? There should be a way for him to change it, change what happened and the effect it had on him. At that point he felt the familiar pain of his stomach ulcers and he realized for sure that they had originated on the last day he saw her (when she left him). He told himself he couldn’t do anything about it so he should give up.

At this point he had a revelation: he was still trying to change something that had been finished for many years. He realized that he couldn’t accept it, that was his attachment. “No, it can’t be finished,” he cried in desperation. “I won’t let it be finished.” That was the source of his anguish; he’d wanted to change it all these years and so he kept it alive inside himself, the pain buried deep, eroding his happiness.

He decided to let that go. And with that simple decision, the whole thing was gone. He thought of her, and all the bad feelings were gone, he simply loved her.

He realized that the cause of his ulcers was that he had wanted to change everything in the world. He saw himself subject to and a victim of everything he wanted to change!

He began dissolving all that. When he thought of something that caused him pain about a person or situation, he would now either correct it with love or dissolve wanting to change it. This added a new dimension to his work, and his progress accelerated.

Sometimes he felt as though he had hold of a chain with many links to incidents on it which needed correcting. Once he got hold of the chain, he would follow through incident by incident until there was nothing left to be corrected.

Ex: jealousy - it was a big thing with him

Once he decided to correct this tendency in himself he looked for it, not content to let it come willy-nilly. He would probe his memory for instances where his jealousy had driven him; correct it; then look for more.

When he thought it was done, he would test himself imagining scenes that would have otherwise made him mad with the feeling. Until he could finally be neutral and loving towards the imagined scenes.

The more he kept going, the better he felt, not just emotionally but physically. He was getting healthier, more energized, and also much much happier. Insights came with increasing frequency. He started to understand things that used to puzzle him. His mind began to feel like crystal … clear, sharp. Colors seemed brighter and everything was more sharply defined.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

♡ Third month: Discovering his real nature

By now, he felt so much more free, it allowed him to concentrate better, so he began to investigate his mind.

Q: What is my mind? What is intelligence?

A: He got a mental picture of an amusement park bumper car ride. The energy to power all the cars comes from a single source, the ceiling. The amount of energy is regulated by individual drivers using a foot pedal. The steering mechanism is constructed to be oversensitive, so it requires the utmost delicacy of handling to maintain control of the car because the slightest movement of the wheel sends it careening, and the cars are constantly bumping into each other, out of control. And it seems that the more a driver tries to control his car, the more erratic the action becomes. This was a picture of mankind today. We all use the same single intelligence and power taken from above. But most of us are out of control, using the energy to bump into each other.

Lester saw that he could regulate his own energy, so he started to look into the relationship between his thinking and what happened in his life. He realized that whatever happened in his life had a thought behind it at some time prior. He never realized it before because there was usually time in between the thought and the happening. Thus, if he could find a way to use this, he would be able to consciously pre-determine everything that would happen.

He learned that he was responsible for everything that had happened to him, formerly believing that the world was abusing him. It was tremendous freedom, knowing that he was not a victim of the world. To be able to arrange the world the way he would like it to be. There was freedom from the subconscious compulsions (that he needed to work, to make money, to be loved etc).

Suddenly he felt like there was no need for him to have anything. His happiness depended on him and his thinking determined his life.

His happiness was beyond his imagination. It was so great he was determined to see where it could lead him. He kept going with these newly found processes, correcting his entire life.

By now an old fear came up, it was the fear of death, which had accompanied him all his life. Now he recognized it as the basis of every single feeling he had ever had. He worked on drawing it out in order to dissolve it. And it worked. He got to a point where he could laugh at it. This last of the monsters turned out to be, after all, only a feeling.

After this, he realized his body was completely healed. It was unexplainable. He was now into the most blissful, joyous state. He felt light, with joy exploding inside him every moment. Everyone and everything became exquisitely beautiful to him.

He kept looking for more things to correct, but there didn’t seem to be much. Occasionally something would occur to him, but it would be gone almost before he could define it and the joy would surge through him even more strongly.

He wondered if it could get better than the joy that he was experiencing?

He received an answer: it was peace, imperturbability. And he knew that if he accepted it, it would never go away. Everything was still. He was in a quietness that he now knew had always been there but drowned out by incessant noise from his accumulated, uncorrected past. Beyond this there was only one Beingness, and everything was It. It was the essence of every living thing, but they were without awareness of the fact, blinded by the uncorrected past they hold on to.

He saw this Beingness as something like a comb. He was at the spine of the comb and all the teeth fanned out from it, each one thinking it was separate and different from all the other teeth. And that was true, but only if you looked at it from the tooth end of the comb. Once you got back to the spine or source, you could see that it wasn’t true. It was all one comb. There was no real separation, except when you sat at the tooth end. It was all in one’s point of view.

He tested this out, if he really was the whole comb, then he should be able to tune in with any tooth. He thought of a friend he had in California, and suddenly he was there, in his friend’s living room, he saw everyone that was there and what was happening. Then he called his friend and checked if what he had seen was accurate. His friend was shocked to confirm everything.

But his friend was so scared, he was panicking, and Lester could feel his panic as if it was his own, as if he was inside his friend. It was a new experience, and then he realized that he was in fact the other person, and every other person… because his essence was the essence of all. He was sitting at the spine of the universal comb. He had a new point of view and could see everything.

He told his friend he was joking, in order to calm him down. He realized he had to be more careful. He’d forgotten that people think in very narrow terms, unable to accept anything outside the conventional. Much like how he used to be, before he discovered all this. He was a convinced materialist. He only believed in what he could perceive with his physical senses.

When he realized that his solid world was truly only a thought, the whole thing started to crack. His entire lifetime began to fall away, but it didn’t fall gracefully and with ease. He shook for days, dropping away everything he formerly knew about himself and the world.

By the end of this period, he was completely transformed, having discovered firsthand that we are all unlimited beings, limited only by the concepts of limitation that we hold in our minds. These concepts of limitation are not true; furthermore, because they’re not really true, they can easily be released or discharged.

He knew now that the real wasn’t the physical world, nor his mind, but something greater. He knew that his very Beingness was the reality, and it had no limits, it was eternal. All the things he used to believe were him, like his body and his mind, were the least of him, rather than the all of him.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

♡ Afterwards: The last breakthrough

He couldn’t believe that it had only been three months, it had felt like a million lifetimes had gone by, but it also felt like it was only a moment. His sense of time had changed radically.

He realized that from his perspective, in the quietness, there was no time. There was an ever-nowness. Time was relative and had meaning only in the world of differences, of separation.

He was that peace… his body seemed small and distant sitting in its chair. He could see it there if he chose, but he felt himself spread across the entire universe; that body was only an infinitesimal speck in the vastness that he was. He was omnipresent. There was no travel, only a thought, and he was there.

“It was obvious to me that I wasn’t that body and mind as I had thought I was. I just saw it—that’s all. It’s simple when you see it. So I let go of identifying with that body. And when I did, I saw that my Beingness was all Beingness, that Beingness is like one grand ocean. It’s not chopped up into parts called “drops of bodies.” It’s all one ocean. That caused me to identify with every being, every person, and even every atom in this universe.”

First, you see that the universe is in you, then you see the universe as you. Then you know the Oneness of this universe. Then you are finished forever with separation and all the hellishness that’s caused only by separation. And then you can no longer be fooled by the apparent limitations of the world.

He discovered tremendous power in the mind. But he only believed in what he knew he could already do, so he began testing himself, experimenting.

“If I am these things, can I do them?”, he would ask. And he proved these things to a few witnesses. He would move things with his mind. Thought he wouldn’t impose himself on others, if they didn’t believe him, he wouldn’t bother them. He never felt like the doer of such things, he was only the clear catalyst, with no ego involvement.

He saw that the source of intelligence is only one and we all have it. Therefore, unlimited knowledge, omniscience, is available to all. It was available in unlimited amounts and it came simply by freeing himself of his former compulsions, inhibitions, entanglements and hang-ups. He didn’t have to be subject to anything. All he was doing was removing blocks that prevented that power to flow through him.

Inherently each person has the ability to have, be, or do whatever that person wills or desires.

#lester levenson #o #tag

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queenpiranhadon · 6 months

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Just gonna vent a bit

This past week has been extremely stressful and I’m just done.

I’m a theatre kid - I love performing - and we have a show coming up this week and preparing for that is just so draining because apparently since I’m a cat and the costume they gave me has a masquerade style cat mask with ears, I’m not allowed to wear my freaking glasses and no one realizes that I have really bad eyesight - not so bad that I can’t walk or function completely - but if you were me - you’d realize how fucking terrifying it is when the world around you is blurry and you feel like you’re going dizzy except you’re not because this is just the damn body you’re born in.

To add on to all the stress, I have to maintain my grades and it’s just so exhausting because it’s like “test!” “test!” “review!” “review!” “oh you got a 96%?” “do better! you can’t keep distracting yourself with all this spending time with friends”

Mixed with “you never leave the house - why don’t you go out with friends?” Maybe it’s because YOU DONT LET ME.

And to top it all off, my dad is leaving for India tomorrow- and he just got back from another business trip within but still far in the country.

Tomorrow is also my brother’s birthday - my dad was supposed to leave yesterday, but he changed it so he could be here for my brother’s birthday.

How sweet and caring and thoughtful of him right?

And yes, I get that my dad is a very hardworking man and I’m very proud of him and his accomplishments but he never cares. It’s always about my perfect little brother who is far from perfect if you ask me. No matter what I do it’s always “be better!” “do better!” “you’ve been given a privilege and you’re putting it to waste!” With him, it’s always “we believe in you!” “we’ll help you through this!!” “no matter what, we’ll always love you.”

His punishments for doing literally terrible things are so small, yet when my parents find out I’m not straight, they give me emotional trauma for months. The little fucker literally trashed the neighbor’s front yard with a friend on purpose and then when confronted about it, lies straight through his teeth.

But here’s the real topping to the cake - yes I do love my parents, no matter how many times we may disagree on things, they are my rock and I wouldn’t be where I am without them. But this one small thing they couldn’t do for me. My dad goes out of his way to make sure he is there for my brother’s birthday but he isn’t there for mine last year. Last year when he left for a trip, he missed my musical’s show nights - had to watch it on a stupid hard drive - and when he did, he never said a goddamn thing. No “good job, your singing and acting was great!” or “I wish I could’ve been there in person!”

And even now, he’s still doing the same goddamn thing - he’s missing the show I’m doing and doesn’t feel a single ounce of remorse. All my fucking hard work for nothing.

It just fucking sucks when others seems to get what you want, what you need so easily, when you’ve worked your entire life to experience barely a ghost of what could’ve been.

And finally today, my brother is lying on the floor of my room, refusing to leave me the fuck alone even though I’ve been annoyed all day from walking around shopping for shit and sitting through church and trying to keep a clear head even though I just really want to go home and take a long nap but I can’t because the little fucker and trashing the room I spent all week trying to keep clean and my mom won’t do a goddamn thing because “it’s your brother and he’s just playing with you.”

And at this point- I’m just done. Because no one gets it. No one ever does.

And so I say something along the lines of “You’re turning — tomorrow. When I was your age, I was working hard, and auditioning and competing and you’re here lying on the floor of your older sister’s bedroom completely useless.”

And yes I admit that was a little harsh - he started crying - but my mom’s response was what got me.

She said “never call you brother useless again. Keep your achievements to yourself, you hear me?! I have never heard you this mean to anyone before.”

But she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know what I go through every day m, trying to keep my head high and my eyes looking forward even though I can’t see anything.

She doesn’t know, my dad doesn’t know, my brother doesn’t know, heck, most of my friends don’t even know. They all just think I’m a smart girl who’s never had a problem with her position, getting to where she is in life.

They don’t know how hard I work, how hard I worked, to keep my shaky feet on the ground, to keep myself standing tall when there’s nothing to keep me up.

For those who surely don’t need to know, I’ve been crying while typing all of this, and I’m exhausted so I’m ending this here.

Sorry for unexpectedly trauma dumping - I just needed shit off of my chest.

Hope y’all are doing okay!

Lotsa love from Kae <3

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light679 · 2 years

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I heard you're married now (Part 3)

Featuring: Albedo, Itto, (separate) x reader

CW: Angst, hurt, no comfort, no happy ending

Summary: A love that could have been. Genshin men when you get married to someone that isn't them

Part 3 (Part 1, 2 and 4)

Albedo

Albedo was always too busy with his work to truly give you the proper attention and love you deserved. You loved the way he worked hard and devoted everything he had to his ongoing experiments and his life purpose to use alchemy to understand life. But the thing you'd loved about him was also his downfall, never able to spend time with you, always coming to bed late or never at all. He left you alone so many nights just burning, wishing he was there with you. Albedo had never truly realized how much his absence had really hurt you, you were always so happy when you did see him, focusing all of your energy and love onto the positives and making the most of the time you were spending together.

When you left, it took him months to realize just exactly how much your absence made him feel empty and alone. The bed no longer warm, your arms wrapping around his shoulders from behind to check in on him and his work. The truly engaged, listening eyes when he told you about the results of his experiment. Gone. Things he’d taken for granted but realized he couldn't live without. Everything that had made him feel warm and safe had now moved to Inazuma for a fresh start.

About a year after you left, he'd traveled to Inazuma for the Irodori festival, where he'd seen you and your new man. No, husband he realized after seeing the ring on your finger. He saw the way this man spent time with you, not bothering to worry about work or other cares. In a way Albedo never had. You looked so genuinely happy, smiling and prancing about in ways he noticed you never had before with him. He noticed the way you weren't shy to link your fingers with your husband, or to drag him over to something you found interesting, all differences Albedo noticed were a stark contrast to the way things had been with him.

He'd never tell a single soul, but many brush strokes of his paintings, painted after dark when his face couldn't be seen, were fused with the tears he let freely fall as he completed his work yet again without you.

Itto

Itto was an incredibly competitive man, something you knew going into the relationship. He knew his strong, carefree personality was something that others either loved or hated, or even attempted to use to their advantage. He’d always appreciated the way you’d enjoyed his silly and competitive nature.

What Itto hadn’t realized, however, was the way that competitive side ended up hurting you. What had started as silly, fun games and him trying to one-up you had turned into him constantly trying to better you, even in important accomplishments. When you’d received high praise and honor from Yae Miko for a light novel you’d written, Itto’s first reaction had been to round up his men and talk about preparing a novel for the upcoming Irodori festival.

He'd been happy for you, of course he had. Itto was proud and stunned by everything you managed to accomplish. Which was why he worked so hard to accomplish amazing things himself. How could someone like you want someone like him, if he couldn't be the strongest, most accomplished oni, nay, person in Inazuma? Itto wanted nothing more than for you to have the world, and that meant making sure he could give it to you. Despite all that, Itto hadn't exactly been the best at communicating this to you, and ultimately you left.

Your absence had been harder on Itto than anything he'd known before, even losing his vision. You were his ambition, the thing he wanted most.

So when Thoma introduced Itto to his newly-wed wife while tending to Itto's allergies at the Irodori festival, Itto thought his heart would stop when he saw it was you. Even downing an entire drink made with soy milk couldn't compare to the pain of seeing you with another man.

And as much as it hurt, Itto still couldn't be mad. Even in the few moments he watched you and Thoma interact, he could tell Thoma did nothing but put you, your accomplishments, your needs first before anything, even his own pride.

The crimson oni couldn't even face his gang members as he trudged home, hiding his tears behind his wild, silver hair.

#albedo #albedo x reader #genshin albedo #genshin impact albedo #albedo angst #genshin #genshin impact #angst #itto #arataki itto #itto x reader #arataki itto x reader #genshin itto #genshin arataki itto #genshin impact itto #itto angst

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wolfnanaki · 4 months

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2023 Retrospective

It’s hard to describe what happened this year. So much of it doesn’t seem real, and if it weren’t for me living through it and writing it down, I’d have assumed I dreamed it. Sometimes, you don’t realize the full scope of “life comes at you fast” until you’re living through it. And I don’t want to discuss major world events because fuck, there’s no way I could say anything meaningful about them.

If I were to give the short version, I’d call this a “silver lining” year for me. Lots of bad things happened, but good things came out of some of them, or at the very least, I had reason to keep going. I lost my job, my dog died, I got doxed, just to name a few. But I’ve also been using the time off work to improve my physical and mental health. I’ve made several new friends, some surprising friendships that I didn’t see coming. I’ve been privately chugging away at some writing projects that I can’t wait to show you all soon, once it’s time.

And if you were to tell me three years ago after the PS5 reveal stream that my entire online presence in 2023 would be swallowed up by Goodbye Volcano High, I’d find that hard to believe. But that’s kinda what happened. It’s a beautiful game that stole my heart and gave me new inspiration for stories and analysis. To all of the KO_OP staff, I'm so glad you didn't buckle against all the adversity you faced and gave us this heartfelt, unique, memorable game. I wish you all nothing but further success and accolades on your future projects, I can't wait to see what you've got coming up.

I want this new year to be one of positive change and growth. I’ve been applying to so many jobs and rebuilding my resume, and I’ve had some interviews lately that I hope to lead somewhere good. Plus there are aforementioned writing projects I’m hoping to share soon! And this April will mark my third year of being on HRT, which is kinda wild to think about. Being openly trans online can be scary, but I'm proud to be who I am.

I shouldn’t drag this on for longer than it needs to be, so I think I’ll call it here.

Thank you so much to all of my amazing friends, old and new, for making this year memorable, for keeping me going when shit got rough, for everything, really. I hope all of you reading this have an amazing new year filled with love, accomplishment, and good health.

Love, Nanaki

#Nanaki's Thoughts #Happy New Year #retrospective

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bmodiwrites · 10 months

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Give Me Your Hand (& I'll Hold it)

Hi friends! I'm back with another 5(+1) with hand holding at the helm. I'm really excited for this one because Birdy's People Help the People got to be played on repeat as I wrote. This one has some angst, some fluff, and the patented bmodi happy ending. You can read the first section below and the rest over on AO3! Like, reblog, and let me know what you think!!!

The dust of a school bus pulling out of the parking lot makes Eddie sneeze. He’s brushing the back of his hand across his nose when the reality of his situation hits him. Even at 7, Eddie understands the concept of being pawned off. Usually his parents drop him on Uncle Wayne’s doorstop, only returning to pick him up three months later. This summer, however, Eddie is stuck at sleep away camp, bound to be forgotten amongst the masses.

He put up quite the fight in order to stay home for the summer, Eddie is at least proud of that. Even if he’s just hanging out in Wayne’s trailer, Eddie is amongst the creature comforts he’s come to know. He can practice acoustic guitar and read the nickel comics Wayne has stashed away. Instead, Eddie’s fated to perish in the heat (or under the weight of someone’s fist) at some lame summer camp made for social kids interested in singing kumbaya and playing every sport known to man.

Dread settles a little further in his stomach when Eddie realizes that almost everyone else seems to know each other. There aren’t any other stragglers like himself hanging out at the back of the group. Hugs and exclamations of excitement ring in Eddie’s ears. For the first time, probably ever, he’s happy to be called to attention by someone in charge. Glorious silence radiates for a moment before a high pitched voice starts to talk all about Camp Silver Lake.

Dissatisfaction sits in the back of Eddie’s head throughout the hours that follow. First, he’s stuffed into a camp uniform that doesn’t have a single stitch of black on it. The bright sun he can see out of the corner of his eye every time he takes a step makes Eddie want to rip the stupid shirt to threads. Soon after that, Eddie finds himself in a cabin with 11 other boys who all know each other and look at him with disdain. Whatever hopes he has of making it out of the summer alive dwindle down to nothing by the time everyone is unpacked and projecting their hostile energy towards the obvious odd man out.

Things get even worse when his cabin is led down to the water. Eddie isn’t the strongest swimmer – he’s much more of an inside kid than one that spends days out by the pool. He adamantly avoided the chance to swim at Wayne’s house last summer because chlorine made him itchy. Despite the lake before him lacking in chemicals, Eddie knows he’s going to have to find a way to not make a fool out of himself. He has to swim or the summer is going to be a long one.

After a long lecture about water safety and instructions about what’s going to happen during the swim test, Eddie stands in line behind excited sheep who boast and brag about their accomplishments throughout the year. Eddie is too busy worrying about not drowning to pay attention to who won what medal or stole some stupid base. His anxiety crawls up higher around him with each person that completes the task. Eddie is getting closer to that point where there’s no turning back.

He wishes so desperately that he was brave enough to stand up for himself and run the hell away.

That’s not who Eddie is, however. Deep down, right in the bottom pit of his belly, there’s a part of Eddie that wants to fit in. No matter how hard he struggles against the norm, Eddie’s feelings hurt worse when it becomes apparent that he’s not even close to baseline and everyone around him knows it.

With only two people before him, Eddie is starting to realize that must be his lot in life – he’s bound to be the boy everyone laughs at for being a weirdo.

Seconds away from spiraling completely, Eddie startles at the feeling of a hand reaching out to grab at his own. He turns to tell whoever decided to encroach upon his personal space off but stops before words can leave his mouth.

Being so young, Eddie doesn’t understand the warm flash of heat that fills his chest upon first looking at this random little boy. He’s not sure why the kid is there but he already feels better knowing someone in this scary group of people has a heart. Instead of lashing out, Eddie squeezes the clammy hand holding his. It’s comfort enough to stop the mental breakdown Eddie seemed to be heading for.

“It’s okay, I was scared my first summer here, too. Once you get this over with, the rest of camp is a lot of fun. We’ll get to do whatever we want,” the boy says with a gap toothed grin. He looks like the type of person who fits in with the group, not abnormal like Eddie – yet, he’s kind enough to include Eddie in the mix, too. Whoever this person is, he’s a conundrum Eddie can’t help but be interested in.

Eddie is quick to learn that his savior is Steve Harrington, a boy who also lives in Hawkins. He chats amicably while they wait in line, all while holding Eddie’s hand. There’s never a moment where that sweaty grip loosens or comes close to leaving Eddie behind. It’s beautiful in the sense that Eddie forgets where he is and why he was nervous in the first place.

Getting to the front of the line a few minutes later, all of Eddie’s apprehension returns. He’s working on letting go of Steve so he can grow up and make something of himself when that happy voice sounds in his ears again. “I’ll go first. Watch me, Eddie – I’ll show you how.”

Without waiting an extra beat, Steve turns and runs the last couple of steps so he can catapult himself into the water cannonball style. As the water comes up around him, Eddie feels something inside him shift. The little boy afraid to be around other people is replaced by someone who’s cool enough to be that crazy kid’s friend. Knowing Steve’s got his back, Eddie feels like he can do anything.

Like, pass the swimming test with flying colors.

After he gets out of the water and dries off, Steve is right back by his side, grinning like a loon. “See? Easy-peasy.” Steve holds his hand out for a high five and keeps it there until Eddie gets with the program and finally slaps him a bit of skin.

That little handshake becomes regular for them as they spend the rest of camp revolving around each other. Eddie is attached to Steve’s hip, following him around like the lost puppy he is. When they’re approached about it, Steve happily goes on about how Eddie is his best friend.

It’s nice, having someone there for him, though not meant to last. Even Eddie at 7 knows that.

Read the rest over on AO3!

tag list (message if you’d like to be added): @infinite-orangepeel, @thefreakandthehair, @corrodedcoughin, @prettyboisteveharrington,

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington/eddie munson #steve harrington x eddie munson #stranger things fic #steddie fic #bobbie writes #give me your hand (& i'll hold it)#5 + 1 things #5 + 1 fic

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