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mischiefmaker615 · 8 months

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Die For You

Rating: R

Summary: True feelings are revealed and intentions are brought forward…

Requested by: @Laer111ee (wattpad)

Note: One shot based off the song "Die For You" by The Weekend. i used some of the lyrics and changed them very slightly so they sounded more like how Loki would say it. maybe one or two Pinterest quotes too Lol

‘’you are so annoying-‘’

‘’am i?’’ not a question.

‘’yes!’’

‘’stop lying.’’ That smirk.

You resisted the urge to kick Loki from under the table as you both sat across from each other, not giving two shits whether you were in a nice restaurant or not. This wasn’t a date after all.. just a place that finally gave you business considering no one wanted the destroyer of New York entering their building.

‘’I’m not lying-‘’

‘’then why did you agree to dine in a place like this?’’ Loki quizzed, casually sat back in his chair without a care or concern in the world, regardless that his presence practically evacuated the whole room. He had both his hands resting on the white tablecloth beside his place while the candles illuminated his stupid, handsome face. Yet what irritated you more was that he seemed to try to get answers out of you, and for what??

‘’..someone had to keep an eye on you.’’ You explain, doing your best to use your poker face as your fork poked at the rest of your food, having the urge to keep your hands busy for no damn reason while your leg bounced under the table. After all, no one was at the tower and you were starving. Fury would kill you if he found out you left the god of mischief unsupervised.

‘’that’s not it darling. any one of those places, even here, could have let you take your food back home with you and I.’’ his amused look said it all as his eyes seemed to scan you up and down, almost lustfully. ‘’I would suspect that all this one on ne time lately was because perhaps you were developing a fondness towards me..’’ he teased and you stuck a finger out to interrupt him.

‘’don’t. don’t think that all this,’’ you motioned around you. ‘’was something more than just two friends sharing a meal in a nice change of environment-‘’

‘’so we’re friends?’’

You snatched your fork and raised your hand to chuck it at him but the second he stood from the table, hands remaining flat on the table cloth with a deadly look in his eyes, stopped you in your tracks. You both starred at each other, not moving a muscle but with each passing second, his expression got harder and harder to read, making you lower your hand and place the fork back on the table. This action seemed to add a slight gentleness to his features and even his shoulders lowered from his defensive stance.

‘’..besides.. you hate Midgardians-‘’

‘’incorrect darling.’’ He said gently, his tone almost scary calm as he seemed to be studying your features with a purpose, it almost made you squirm in your seat. He then lifted his eyes to indicate the rest of the room that pretended to be minding their own business before looking back at you. ‘’ I could hurt them. i could kill all of them, but not you. if it was up to me, you’d never see a drop of your own blood again.’’

The sudden statement was scary and.. well, it made you look up at him with nothing but wonder as your hands lowered to your lap, fingers fiddling in a nervous state as he gazed upon you with honesty, not giving a damn if he was still standing.

‘’..you don’t mean that Loki-‘’

‘’you know what I’m thinking love, I see it in your eyes.’’

Just that comment alone made your eyes glance away, suddenly aware that he was trying to read you, and dare you say it.. he wasn’t incorrect. As handsome as he was, he was so.. annoying. Mischievous is more like it, it was just him. there was not a single moments peace without a sarcastic comment, a flirtatious tease, the subtle pet names, the fact that he wished to be in your presence regardless even though he claimed to not be bothered by anyone.. all this shit and yet why did you.. love it.

‘’and you hate that you want me.’’

Your eyes snapped back up to him, almost as if someone poured cold water on you as you stare at him in shock. Your mouth didn’t produce words, nothing that indicated that what he was saying wasn’t true. your fingers dug into your palms as your heart began to remind you just how fast it was capable of beating.

‘’Loki- I can’t..’’

‘’you are scared to be alone?’’ he asked, his voice quiet but words clear as day as if he were right next to you as you sighed.

‘’I’m.. I’ve been hurt before.. i- why the hell am I telling you this??” not a question.

You stand and grab your purse, putting down a bill where they could keep the change before you take a step to the side to leave but he’s already in front of you, causing you to stop short where your hand supports yourself on the table behind.

‘’I’m sorry Y/N, but I know that your worth it. I can’t just walk away.. you’re different. Yes this is all sudden.. but it’s getting a bit to difficult to go on without at least telling you the truth..’’ Loki said, his voice gentle as you look up at him with hesitation, suddenly aware of just how tall he really is. ‘’..i would die for you..’’

Your lips parted, a breath in to speak but no sound came out. Even the room itself seemed to be silent where the only things in existence at the moment was just you and him. better yet, you were suddenly aware of the slight pool between your legs and the butterfly feeling in your chest and stomach returned; a feeling you’ve always tried to ignore day in and day out whenever you were around him- oh god! You.. wanted him..

By now he had slowly raised a hand and placed it against your cheek, your body thinking it would have flinched or tensed but you were the most relaxed you had ever been in a long time. Maybe a bit shy, your crude and sarcastic demeanor no longer there to protect you as your eyes looked vulnerable into his knowing ones.

“its hard to communicate the feelings I hold darling, but tonight I’m going to let you know..’’ his hand traveled down to take hold of yours, his grip gentle but prepared on leading the way as his eyes flashed a bright green for a split second. ‘’tell me my dear, when is a monster no longer a monster?’’

By now the only sound you could hear was his sultry voice and your own heartbeat and your hand impulsively gripped his as your body screamed at you. Your jeans and t shirt suddenly felt tight around you as you took a deep breath and let him pull you forward.

‘’.. when you love it.’’

It was almost as if time moved in slow motion, how ironically that the tower was still abandoned and the darkness of the night enveloped you along with every emotion you were feeling at that moment. But no thoughts. No words. Just eyes. Breathing. Feeling. You. And him.

His hands gripped yours in a gentle embrace, having kissed your knuckles the entire time he was walking forward while it had you stepping back. Upon feeling the bed behind you against your calves, he helped you sit down before releasing your hands as you looked up at him in awe and lustful wonder.

‘’I want you Y/N.. I know I am not worthy of it darling, but tonight let me let you feel bliss, forget about all pain, suffering.. you are not alone my love, and never will be again..’’ his voice was a promise, almost a whisper as his nose gently nuzzled your own in a playful matter while his hands flattened against your sides and glided down to grip the ends of your shirt.

Your breath hitched but for all the damn reasons, you trusted him. you let him. you want him. and so you followed his lead, raising your arms above your head as he pulled your shirt up, all motions slow as if to savor every waking second before the shirt was history behind you.

The sudden remembrance of going commando that day hit you and saw Loki’s eyes take in your breasts as if you were a feast to behold.

‘’ohhh darling.. you are as beautiful as I imagined..’’ he breathed as he kneeled down on one knee before you, between your legs to stay closer while his fingertips glided along the sides of your breasts.

Your body shivered by the new temperature and by his teasing touch that glided against your skin before he finally flattened his palms on your mounds, gripping and kneading them.

‘’absolutely gorgeous..’’ he whispered as he massaged them both, thumbs teasing your nipples while your back arched so your chest was pressed more into his hold. He took this opportunity to lean forward and take one of your globes in his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue deliciously.

The pleasure made you shiver as your fists gripped the sheets beside you, feeling the pleasure grow between your legs and felt the need to press your thighs together- being stopped by Loki as he looked back up at you with a smirk.

‘’don’t pretend like you hate this.’’

‘’this is.. I feel..’’ you breath, having a hard time finding your words as he merely smirked and crawled up your body, causing you to lean back on your elbows as he loomed over you.

‘’despite the quarrels that happen between you and I amongst these walls, I’ve admired you the day I set my eyes on you. Your fire and sass, that mouth of yours spurred my words on to keep them coming just to trigger your spirit. I wanted your fight, your eyes show more truth in them when you are fired up than when you are trying to avoid me and stay quiet; and I know that you feel the same.’’ He told you, his eyes almost piercing yours as if daring for you to lie to him and you felt his fingers play with your jean’s button and zipper.

‘’i.. I didn’t enjoy our fights I just- it was the only reason for me to even be around you without being a stuttering mess..’’ you say quietly and you heard him chuckle, feeling your cheeks heat up.

‘’so you are shy around me darling? So your sass is merely a mask while you find yourself unable to speak to me. I think I’d like to see you squirm and stutter instead then.’’ He teased, his eyes admiring your shy honesty and gripped your jeans, slowly pulling them off to reveal your silk panties. By this reveal, he was faster at moving your pants off and it flew behind him before he rested his hands at your ankles. ‘’I should have been honest with you sooner love.. I myself was in denial with my own feelings. Me, of all to fall for a mortal. I’d hate to admit that I see what my brother was talking about..’’

You didn’t know if you should be insulted but his traveling hands was more than enough distraction as they glided up the back of your calves while his lips pressed delicate kisses against your knees. His phantom strength made it clear you wouldn’t be able to close your legs now if you wanted too.

‘’.. I don’t believe it..’’ you whisper and he merely hummed against your skin.

‘’which part darling? I assure you everything I’ve told you so far is more than true.’’

‘’that you’d die for me. Many people just say that to be.. romantic-‘’

He tilted his head up at you, briefly resting his chin against your leg. ‘’I came to this world to conquer it. that is all. That is all I wanted, and more. Upon setting my eyes upon you.. something shifted. For a brief moment, my entire focus moved to something else.. you. I moved on with my plan.. which is why I failed in the end. I believe that you were my distraction, and my main goal. I’d give up the crown if it meant you wouldn’t be beside it with me..’’ he whispered, all the while his piercing blue eyes gazed into your own as if in them themselves would hold proof.

By his words, you couldn’t find your own. You bit your lip, wanting to hold back a moan as his lips continued now to the inside of your thigh and a hand moved to tangle in his hair. ‘’Loki…’’ you breathed, trying your best to form proper sentences. ‘’I’ve wanted nothing in my life this bad but you.. despite it all, I find myself able to trust you, before and now..’’ the light grip in his hair made him look up but briefly. ‘’you are not a monster.’’ You told him, your words serious and your eyes lustful as you promised him his previous statement at dinner was all but true.

‘’..then love me..’’ he whispered, now realizing his fingers had hooked onto your panties before he yanked them down and it joined the rest of your clothes behind him.

Upon his eyes settling, you saw a predator, a man starved and hungry as his muscles tensed and he kneeled completely before he set a gentle hand on your chest, pushing you down to lay on your back before he raised your legs to rest on his shoulders. Your fingers gripped the sheets hard as he dove in, licking a strip all the way up before pressing his lips against your cunt and pushed his tongue through your folds.

His grip on your thighs slightly tightened, he moaned at how you tasted, made you shiver as the vibration seemed to hit right through your core. His tongue stroked deeply up and down repeatedly before he used the tip to flick and swirl your clit. Your limbs began to shake, your breathing becoming a bit hard as if you needed to concentrate to take in a breath. Your back arched as he began sucking at your clit, now and again moving to tongue fuck you as he made his movement slow and fast, taking turns as if to tease you.

The butterfly feeling returned to your chest, stomach and began making your pussy throb as you moaned, your fingers tangled in his hair and it made him growl, his mouth moving faster as if he needed to drink you that very second. His grip made it clear he wasn’t going to let you go and your thighs made it clear they weren’t for him either as you tried not to crush his head as they pressed together. His nails dragged lightly against your thighs as he lapped your cunt and you felt yourself nearly falling off the edge to the pleasure abys.

‘’I’m.. I’m..-‘’ your breath hitched as your back arched, eyes squeezed shut as did your thighs as you threw your head back and came, moaning out his name, “LOKI!..’’ drinking in your orgasm as he moaned into your pussy, taking every last drop as your body began to shake, your eyes fluttering and cunt convulsing before he began slowing your movements.

It wasn’t until he was sure you were down from your high before he raised his head, kissing your thighs and up your body before he finally pressed his lips against your own. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he gently rested his body against yours, fitting as perfect as a glove while you felt him relax, kisses being pressed against your neck as you relaxed with him.

The way you both laid together, your eyes opened as you felt his erection being pressed against you and your eyes widened by the mere size of it. he made no move though, no suggestion and the way he took his lip against your skin, his smile and the joy in his eyes showed he was in no hurry for himself, if at all. A smile came to your lips and you cupped his cheeks, him kissing the inside of your hand with that opportunity before looking at you for what you needed. You flashed him a teasing look,

‘’.. how about I love that monster next?’’

Shoot a request :) any ideas! i've done this style twice now:

Boyfriend by Dove Cameron

Die For You by The Weekend

#loki smut #loki x reader smut #loki fluff #loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki god of mischief #lokifluff #loki laufeyson #loki

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icycoldninja · 5 months

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Dmc incorrect quotes

Nero, tearing up the room: Where are they? Nero, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children? Nero: Somebody moved my M&M's, and now I am going to start killing.

Dante: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

V: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water? Nero: Because your toast would get soggy!

V: Let’s not Dante this into a worse situation than it already is. Dante: Did you just use my name as a verb?

Dante: Can you pass the salt? V: Can you pass away? Dante: Too much salt.

V: I drink to forget but I always remember. Nero: You're drinking orange juice.

Dante: I got an idea! V: Does it involve breaking the law? Dante: By now don’t you think that’s a given? V: I was just trying to be optimistic. Dante: Don’t bother.

Dante: I'm gonna nickname my child "Lil Bitch". Nero: I see you're passing on your name.

Nero: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. V: Wasn’t Dante with you? Dante: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Nero, Vergil, and Dante are playing poker. Dante is winning by a long shot. Nero: Aw, come on. Vergil: It’s not fair! He doesn't even know what we’re playing! Dante: Go Fish?

Nero, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume? Dante: grabs and chugs the entire bottle Dante: Dante: It's perfume.

Dante: What is wrong with you? Vergil: Many, many things… Vergil: And most of them are your fucking fault.

Dante: I can’t do this, it’s against my moral compass. Nero: YOUR MORAL COMPASS IS A ROULETTE WHEEL! Dante: …Your point?

Nero: I can be your partner for the next race. Vergil: Sorry, Nero. It's a sibling race. Dante: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this. Vergil: It's only children, Dante. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!

Dante: They called me the B-word. Vergil: Motherfucker doesn’t start with ‘b’.

Nero: If you’re going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might not even still be there, you can forget it. Vergil: There is an alternative, then. Nero: Out with it. Vergil: You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones which certainly are there.

Vergil: If there’s one thing I learned from Dante, it’s to set people’s expectations real low, so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

Nero, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Vergil, standing in front of Nero: bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen Nero, crying: Please…stop…

#incorrect quotes #dmc incorrect quotes #That last one tho #He eats KitKats with motivation #Dmc #Dmc1 #Devil may cry #Dmc5 #Devil may cry 5 #Funny #Vergil #Dante #Nero #Sparda boys #Vergil sparda #Dante sparda #Nero sparda?#Lol

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nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius · 1 year

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TBB Incorrect Quotes, Part 5

Omega: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase? Echo: I accidentally fell down. Hunter: WRECKER PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay HIS part of our rent! Crosshair: Echo bet me fifty credits that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than he did falling down it, so I slid down the banister to get my money. Tech: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Crosshair.

Omega: *eating a cinnamon roll* Hunter: Cannibalism. Omega: *confused chewing noises*

Tech: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along? Hunter: What did you just say- Tech: Foetons! *Laughs* Hunter: Wh-what?

Wrecker: I give up. I am so tired. Echo: Get the emergency supply! Tech: *carries Omega and places her in front of Wrecker* Omega: *smiles* Wrecker: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

Hunter: Crosshair, Wrecker, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? Crosshair, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Wrecker is sitting atop: Oh nothing much. Wrecker: I love you too :)

*In a group chat* Hunter: A pegan just flew into my window. Omega: Pegan? Tech: A what? Echo: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan. Wrecker: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO! Echo: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window. Wrecker: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window. Hunter: I literally just made a typo-

Crosshair: How do Hunter and Tech usually get out of these messes? Echo: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

*Tech teaching Wrecker to drive and taking Crosshair along for the ride* Tech: That's a pothole. To the left! Wrecker: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole* Crosshair, sticking his face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. Wrecker: I don't think that's how the song goes. Tech, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home. Wrecker: Country Roads. Crosshair: To the place. Wrecker and Crosshair in unison: I Belong! Tech, crying harder: What the fuck?

Hunter: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

Wrecker, putting his hands over Crosshair’s eyes: Guess who! Crosshair: It's either Wrecker or the cold, clammy hands of death. Wrecker, putting his hands away: It's Wrecker! Crosshair: Dammit.

Echo: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK. Hunter: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG. Echo: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO. Wrecker: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins. Crosshair: Looks like someone's a HO. Hunter: NaBrO. Tech: I'm done with all of you!

Crosshair: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Wrecker: Oh god, he texted you ‘hi.’’ Punctuation only means one thing, Tech. He's mad at you. Tech: No, it's Crosshair. He's just being gramatically correct! *meanwhile* Crosshair: And then I used a period so he'd know that I'm mad at him. Hunter: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'. Crosshair: I stand by my choice.

Echo: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Wrecker: Several traffic violations. Tech: Three counts of resisting arrest. Crosshair: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Hunter: Also, that’s not our car.

Tech: Hunter is late again. Echo: How did this happen? I called him at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11. Wrecker: I printed up a fake schedule for him saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon. Omega: I set his clock to say PM when it’s really AM. Tech: Oh boy. We may have overdone it. *Hunter bursts through the door* Hunter: WHAT TIME IS IT?

Tech: Would you slap Wrecker- Crosshair: Yes. Tech: I didn't even finish! Crosshair: Sorry, continue. Tech: Would you slap Wrecker for 10 dollars? Crosshair: I would do it for free. Wrecker: Rude...

Omega: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Tech: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Hunter: Three of us saw it, Tech. How do you explain that? Tech: *points at Crosshair* Sleep deprivation. *points at Hunter* Paranoia. *points at Echo* Delusional personality disorder.

Hunter: I think this might be a bad idea... Echo: Don't start thinking on me now!

Echo: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Wrecker! Tech: So Wrecker knows about this? Echo, walking away: No, this is between me and me!

Echo: Wrecker- Wrecker: *sighs* Crosshair used to call me Wrecker... Echo: ...Because it's your fucking name.

Crosshair: Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer. Hunter: Crosshair: Hunter: ...Please, go back to bed.

Wrecker: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single? Tech: Do not do that. Wrecker: You won’t even notice! Phee, entering: Wrecker, you wanted to see me again? Wrecker: Tech's single Tech:

Hunter: I'm cold. Echo: Here, take my hoodie. *meanwhile* Omega: I'm cold. Crosshair: I can't control the weather, Omega.

Omega: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke? Crosshair: I only like dark humor. Omega, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle? Crosshair: Omega: An IMPASTA!

Omega, trying her first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! Hunter, an avid coffee drinker, on his twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

Tech: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli. Wrecker, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

Omega: Hey, Crosshair? I need advice. Crosshair: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

*Crosshair and Wrecker's house is on fire, but they don't know it* Crosshair: Damn, it's hot in here. Wrecker: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent! Crosshair: Crosshair: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is. Wrecker: What? Crosshair: Second of all, we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW. Wrecker: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! :) Omega: I forgot I was doing a test. Echo: Omega. Omega: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny.... Tech: Omega.

Wrecker: Hey, Hunter. Why did the chicken cross the road? Hunter: To get to the other side? Wrecker: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“ Hunter: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road? Wrecker: To get to the idiot’s house. Hunter: ...Ok? Crosshair: Hey, Hunter. Knock knock. Hunter: No. Crosshair: You were supposed to say “who’s there?” Hunter: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there? Crosshair: The chicken. Hunter: Crosshair: Wrecker: Hunter: Listen here you little shits-

Echo: You know what? Echo: When I joined this group I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit. *Crosshair, Wrecker and Tech continue screaming about mold water* Echo: Not the other way around. Hunter: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water.

Echo: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! Tech: How can you still say that? Echo: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Crosshair: Come on, Wrecker! How any times do I have to apologize? Wrecker: Once! Crosshair: ...No.

Echo: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. The Squad: Awwww- Echo: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." The Squad: Oh.

Wrecker: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not! Tech: Wrecker, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday. Wrecker: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it! Crosshair: ...It was a bug. Wrecker: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not! Tech: ... Crosshair: ... Wrecker: Stop looking at me like that!

Tech: Did you win? Or just not die? Tech: Either way, hooray. Hunter: ...Is "no" a valid answer? Tech: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

Hunter: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner. Crosshair: Hunter, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck. Hunter: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not. Crosshair: Well, I mean yeah. Hunter: So come downstairs while they’re still hot. Crosshair: Wait, you just made them? Hunter: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets. Crosshair: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Hunter.

*The Squad when asked about their earlier confession of love* Echo: Yeah, you're lucky. I like you. Tech: I'd understand if you didn't feel the same way... Hunter: *has a panic attack* What confession? Wrecker: *winks* I know, babe. You like me too. Crosshair: So what? Are you going to date me or not?

*Tech sends more than 5 messages in a row* Crosshair: I ain’t reading all that. Crosshair: I’m happy for you tho. Crosshair: Or sorry that happened.

Omega: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked. Hunter: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right? Tech: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time. Wrecker: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy! Crosshair: ...put it away.

Crosshair: I’m quick at math. Tech: Ok, what’s 38 times 76? Crosshair: 24. Tech: That wasn’t even close. Crosshair: But it was quick.

Echo: While I'm gone, you're in charge Tech. Tech: Yes! Echo, whispering to Hunter: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want him to feel bad. Hunter: Obviously.

Omega, piloting the Marauder: We have fun, don’t we, Tech? Tech: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

Wrecker: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep? Omega: Yes? Wrecker: We’re in too deep.

Hunter: When life gives you lemonades, make lemons! Life will be all like "whaAttT?" Echo: Life lessons that schools can't teach you.

Crosshair: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Wrecker will and will not eat. Echo: Grass? Yes! Crosshair: Moss? Yes!! Echo: Leaves? Ohh, yes! Crosshair: Shoelaces? Strange but true! Echo: Worms? Sometimes! Crosshair: Rocks? Usually nah. Echo: Twigs? Usually! Crosshair: Tech's cooking? Inconclusive! Hunter: How did you… test this? Crosshair: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it. Hunter: ... I don’t know how to feel about this. Tech: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Omega, gesturing to Echo: Wrecker, look what you did! You made Mom upset! Tech: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry! Wrecker: I’m sorry Mom... :( Echo, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

#tbb #the bad batch #incorrect bad batch quotes #incorrect quotes #star wars #featuring a lot of wrecker and crosshair because they’re my favourite duo and i miss them

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ajaxxx-x · 5 months

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I’ve been inspired by some other post I saw and i realised I had to do this as a Stephanie brown fan

⚫️Batjokertruther

Joker is the greatest dc villain ever, there is no one scarier, crazier and more dangerous than him. He’s so strong that Batman is the only one that can fight him.

#he has never fought anyone out side of the bat family #every other hero is terrified of him #joker #batman #bruce Wayne #jason Todd #him drake #dick Grayson #damian Wayne #stephanie brown #robin #red hood #batjoke

🟢Batfamfan

🔴Timdrama-lover

Omg Jason Todd is so cruel for beating Tim that time in the titans tower all while Tim literally worshipped Jason

Never meet your heroes I guess

🟢Batfamfan

Drop the fic babe

#i love angst and hurt/no comfort #jason Todd #tim drake #jaytim #batfamily #dick Grayson # Damian Wayne #stephanie brown #roy harper

🦇Batstan757443

Look at them plotting

This is my favourite comic ever

#batfamily #wfa #jason Todd #stephanie brown

🌃Batincorrect-quotes

At the Justice league high quarter:

Barry Allen: hey kid what are you doing here today?

Dick: we needed someone to fill up for Batman and it was my turn

Hal: thank god it’s not the red hood’s turn! He’s crazy!

Barry: haha. Where’s Batman anyway?

Dick: he’s grounded

Hal:

Barry:

#incorrect quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfamily #bruce Wayne #dick Grayson #jason Todd #tim drake #damian Wayne #stephanie brown #halbarry

🔴Batstan862926

At a wayne gala:

Bruce talking to a random woman: have you ever met my baby? My seeet innocent child, my lovely baby boy?

Jason, a 6’8 angry man with a scarred face, the worst personality ever and a gun up his ass: hi.

#this happened at least once #it was such a mess #its canon you can’t convince me otherwise #batfamily #bruce Wayne #dick Grayson #jason Todd #tim drake #damian Wayne #stephanie brown

🟡Number1-robinfan

How do you guys tell different robin apart it’s literally so hard like they are all identical, they all look the same.

#its so hard #like i see a panel on Pinterest with no contest and I can’t recognise any of them #i don’t read comics but that’s not what causes the problem #batfamily #dick Grayson #jason Todd #tim drake #damian Wayne #stephanie brown

#the sad part is that all these are thing Ive actually seen #batfamily #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #stephanie brown #obviously these are exaggerated but the point still stand

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itsyourstarboy · 1 year

Text

Incorrect Quotes

·°★·Streamer!Honey Addition·★°·

Aka: Guy/Honey incorrect quotes but Chat is also there

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

*Guy sneezes*

Chat: Guy, are you sick? Here, let us wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*Honey sneezes*

Chat: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

—

Honey: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Guy’s birthday invitations.

Chat: What were they supposed to say?

Honey: “Guy’s birthday”.

Chat: What do they say instead?

Honey: “Guy’s bi”.

Chat:

Chat: Works out either way.

—

Guy: Not gonna lie, I’m kind of afraid of Chat...

Honey: As you should be.

Guy: No, for real, they’re kind of-

Honey: As. You. Should. Be.

—

Chat: We all have our demons.

Guy, grabbing Honey: This one’s mine!

—

Honey: I lost Guy.

Chat: How did you LOSE Guy?!

Honey: To be fair, he is very small-

—

Chat: Hey, Guy? Can we get some dating advice?

Guy: Just because I’m with Honey doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

—

Chat: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Honey: I’m a knife.

Guy, across the room: They’re the little spoon.

—

Chat: If you get in trouble, we’re gonna be like... lawyers to you. Okay?

Guy: Okay.

*later*

Honey: Guy! Sit down on the chair, you’re in trouble.

Chat, whispering: Deny everything.

Guy, loudly: That isn’t a chair.

—

Honey: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.

Chat: Actually, Guy is our favorite.

Honey: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

—

Chat: Oh Honey, we have a visitor!

Honey: Don’t tell me it’s Guy.

Chat: It’s Guy.

—

Chat: I’ve never asked someone out. How do you even do it?

Honey: What I do is, I look them up and down and I say: “Hey... how you doin’?”

Guy, scoffing: Oh, please.

Honey, to Guy: Hey, how you doin’?

Guy:

Guy: *giggles and blushes*

—

Guy: Honey got into a fight.

Chat: That’s bad.

Chat:

Chat: Did they win?

—

Chat: I dare you-

Honey: Guy is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Chat: Why not?

Guy: “I have no regard for my own or others personal safety”, as some would say.

—

Chat: So... who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon?

Guy: We’re chopsticks!

Chat: Well... that’s cute!

Chat: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Honey: No, it means that if you take one away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

—

Honey: Chat, Guy, I love you and all, but may I ask what in the hell are you doing?

Chat, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Guy is sitting atop: Oh nothing much.

Guy: I love you too :)

—

Chat: H-how do you ask someone out?

Guy: Well, first-

Honey: Don’t ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Chat: ...And you said yes?

—

Chat: *looks at Guy*

Chat: Baby boy. Baby.

Chat: *looks at Honey*

Chat: Evil.

—

Guy: Hi.

Chat: Hey, did you do what we said? Did you tell them?

Guy: I did.

Chat: And what did they say?

Guy: “Thank you.”

Chat: You’re totally welcome. What’d they say?

Guy: They said, “Thank you.” I said “I love you” and Honey said, “Thank you.”

—

Guy: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Honey: Yes.

Guy: I love you.

Honey: It back.

*later*

Chat: Why is Guy crying face-down on the floor?

—

Honey: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-

Guy: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~

Honey: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-

Chat, recording: This is so cute.

—

Honey, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Chat: Yeah, sure.

*a few minutes later*

Chat: Here you go.

Honey:

Chat:

Guy: Why am I here?

—

Honey: Why do you let me win when we race up the stairs? You’re the faster one.

Guy: Erm... it’s nice to see your smile when you win!

*later*

Honey: He’s probably just staring at my ass, isn’t he.

Chat: Yeah, probably.

—

Guy: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.

Chat:

Chat: I’m gonna tell him.

Honey: Don’t you dare.

—

Honey: *sucking on a popsicle*

Chat: You practicing for when Guy gets here?

Honey: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*

Chat: *concern*

—

Guy: Honey doesn’t look very happy.

Chat: They are happy. They’re just a bitch.

—

Honey: Guy annoyed me today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.

Chat: There isn't anything special about tomorrow.

Honey: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as panic takes over.

—

Chat: Why is Guy crying?

Honey: He saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-

Guy: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!

Chat: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-

Guy: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!

Chat: NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!

—

Honey: Where are you going?

Guy: To get MYSELF a gift, because somebody didn’t get me one!

Honey: I told you I did! It’s coming here on Friday!

Chat, knowing full well that Honey got Guy an engagement ring: *eats popcorn*

—

Chat: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Honey: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Guy walks in*

Honey: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Ah, Chat... The only original character, that is not actually a character (and is also multiple characters) of the Streamer!Honey series 😌😌

#redacted streamer!honey #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted headcanons #redacted incorrect quotes #redacted guy #redacted honey #redacted au

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secretkittywolf · 3 months

Text

More Unawareshipping incorrect quotes

Thought that these two deserve more!

Ryoga: What do you want to be for Halloween? Astral: Yours Ryoga: Ryoga: …yeah, that would be pretty scary

Ryoga: I'm so cool. I'm a badass. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness— Astral: Hi Ryoga: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

Ryoga: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? Astral: Peonies, why? Ryoga: Astral: Were you going to get me flowers? Ryoga: Astral: Ryoga: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Ryoga: Cause your pretty and your smart, and your ignoring me so your obviously my type Astral, who was distracted: I'm sorry- what were you saying? Ryoga: Perfect

Ryoga: Are we fighting or flirting? Astral: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Ryoga: Your point?

Ryoga: Talk dirty to me~ Astral: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high Ryoga: Wha- Astral: The economy is in shambles

Astral: That was so hot, Ryoga Ryoga: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets Astral: I'm so in love with you

Ryoga, throwing their head into Astral lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Astral, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are

Astral: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Ryoga! Ryoga: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight

Astral: I think I just figured something out. I got to go Ryoga: Aren't you forgetting something? Astral: Uhh...*hesitantly kisses Ryoga's forehead before flying out* Ryoga: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Ryoga: I have feelings for you Astral: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Ryoga: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Astral: I wrote you a poem Ryoga, already crying: You did?

Astral: Are you sure Ryoga's even gay? They barely even looked at me

Ryoga: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid Astral: You always act stupid Astral: Astral: Wait...

Ryoga: I think I'm falling for you Astral: Then get up

*Astral and Ryoga are in Paris.* Astral: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny? Ryoga: But... Astral: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and... Ryoga: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from the ESPer Robin movie? Astral: Yeah Ryoga: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe Astral: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM ESPER ROBIN'S MOVIE! Ryoga: Okay, alright

Astral: I want to kiss you Ryoga, not paying attention: What? Astral: I said if you die, I wont miss you

Astral: Is something burning? Ryoga, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you~ Astral: Ryoga, the toaster is literally on fire

Ryoga, talking about Astral to Yuma: WHAT THE FUCK?! I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME! WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT DO I DO?!

Astral: Do you want to know your gay name? Ryoga: My… my gay name? Astral: Yeah, it's your first name- Ryoga: Haha. Very funny Astral- Astral: gets down on one knee And my last name Ryoga: Oh- oh my god…. Wait- Since when did you have a last name? Astral: Don't ruin the moment

Ryoga: This date is boring! Astral: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store Ryoga: Then why did you invite me? Astral: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Astral I'll do whatever I want!

Astral: How much did you spend on this date? Ryoga: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years

Astral: The stars are so beautiful... Ryoga: They're just giant balls of gas Astral: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then- Ryoga: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you Astral: Oh...

Ryoga: *angrily presses Astral against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Astral: ... Astral: Are we about to kiss-

Ryoga: Two brooooos! Astral: Chillin' in a hot tub! Ryoga: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay! Astral: Ryoga: Astral: *tearing up* Ryoga: Babe, c'mon... Astral: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING! Ryoga: Babe...

Ryoga: Stop doing that Astral: Stop doing what?Ryoga: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you

#ygo zexal #yugioh zexal #ryoga kamishiro #reginald kastle #astral zexal #unawareshipping

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montywithchildhoodtrauma · 7 months

Text

Incorrect quotes because... Good Eclipse and everyone else needs therapy.

Lunar: Here you go, Moon, a nice hot cup of coffee! Moon: It's cold. Lunar: A nice cup of coffee. Moon: It's horrible! Lunar: Cup of coffee. Moon: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee. Lunar: C U P.

Bloodmoon: Why are you smiling? Rays: What? I can’t just be happy? Moon: Eclipse tripped and fell in the parking lot. Bloodmoon: *snorts*

Jigsaw: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea. Lunar: Well then whose is it? Jigsaw, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

Jigsaw: If we were in prison you guys would be like my bitches. Bloodmoon: ...

Eclipse: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Rays: You know, I used to play back in my gory days. Sun: You mean glory days? Rays: Ah, that too.

Earth: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Rays: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Moon: Lunar, Rays, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? Lunar, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Rays is sitting atop: Oh nothing much. Rays: I love you too :)

Moon: You disgust me. Jigsaw: eating a kitkat sideways I realize this and don’t care.

Eclipse: Okay, help me, please! Bloodmoon: Got two words for you. Eclipse: I bet they won't be helpful. Bloodmoon: Your problem. Eclipse: I was right.

Monty: Why are Moon and Earth sitting with their backs to each other? Lunar: They had a fight. Monty: Then why are they holding hands? Lunar: They get sad when they fight.

Moon: WHO THE FUCK- KC: Whoa, language! Moon: I speak fucking English! KC: …

Lunar: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Rays. Lunar: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. Lunar: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. Rays: Hmm… I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either. Lunar: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. Rays: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it. Lunar: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

Jigsaw: finds half a watermelon at Whole Foods Jigsaw, holding it up for everyone to see: LIES!

Old Moon: We are gathered here today because someone- glares at Monty’s coffin -couldn’t stay alive! Monty: muffled FUCK YOU, LET ME OUT!

Sun: So, Moon and KC. Sun: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto… Old Moon: We had a bad day. Sun: And… MURDER?! KC: It was a pretty bad day…

Earth: You believe me? Monty: Earth, you’re the last good person on this planet (and Lunar). I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Lunar: I will send my army to attack! Lunar: releases a dumpster of raccoons

Rays, singing (lost a bet): I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— Moon: A better family. Monty: A better therapist. KC: Mental stability. Lunar: clueless Bagels?

Rays: The shadow realm? No, I’m sending you to Gator Golf!

Earth: Look, Lunar, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday.

KC: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Rays: Several traffic violations. Sun: Three counts of resisting arrest. Earth: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Moon: Also, that’s not our car.

Sun: Eclipse, I sense hostility. Eclipse: Good, because I hate you.

Eclipse: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

Moon and Sun are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff Moon: oh my god, Sun, backwards! Sun: Really, Moon? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

Lunar: Why would you do that? Monty: Because I feel guilty. Moon: Guilt is a trick emotion. It’s put there by your parents to stop you from doing things that feel good.

Monty: Why do you act like we’re three year olds? Moon, exasperated: WHY?!? Moon points at Rays: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR! Moon points at Lunar: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK! Moon points at Monty: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND! Moon: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

Monty, trying to comfort Rays: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there. Rays: I- what?

Rays: If the thought of something makes any of you giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume you’re not allowed to do it. -to his Moon, probably.

Sun: We got a free day now. What do you wanna do? Eat? Sleep? Nap? Snack?

Rays: That sounds like a terrible plan. Moon: Oh, we've had worse.

#sun and moon show #sun and moon show lunar #sun and moon show earth #sun and moon show eclipse #sun and moon show sun #sun and moon show moon #the sun and moon show

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aenbyveryverygayperson · 1 year

Text

Ask Au ideas or something.

Rules are simple just be a somewhat normal person and we’ll be okay

Straw Page

Au masterlist

Crossover aus

One Piece X Tower of God au

Overpowered Siblings au ( Saiki K x OPM x MP100 )

3 Brothers au ( OPM x MP100 )

Pokémon

PK Yellow au.

PK Twin Rose Au.

Father Kukui Au.

Ash moves to Galar Au.

Team Rocket trio keep Ash au.

Reality Au.

MP100 (Mob Psycho 100)-

Lost brothers au

Same person au

Age Swap au

Role swap au

BFF Tsubomi au

Salt Academy / swap schools au

Saiki K-

Role swap au (Saiki K)

DnD Au

Fusion Au

Apocalypse au

OPM (One Punch Man)-

Villain au (OPM)

One piece-

Curses au questions

Curses au

Hanahaki Au

Traitor Koby Au

Twin Princes Au

S-Flame Au

Reverse Au

Alive Parents Au

Bio Bro Sabo Au

Separate Meeting Au

Gecko Luffy Au

Witch / Warlock Luffy Au

Rare Bloodline Au

News Au

Angel Luffy Au

ASL Spell caster au

Hero / Villain au

Other stuff master list

Can people do fanart of my au and do I have a schedule?

Headcanons

Raitsu (Ninjago Oc)

Rai incorrect quotes & chapter, Part 2, Part 3,

Favorite Au?

Other blogs

@reincarnatedkonton

@ask-tsubomi

#one piece #one piece au #one piece headcanons #headcanon #konton’s aus #mob psycho 100 #mob psycho 100 au #saiki k au #saiki k #one punch man au #one punch man #tower of god au #tower of god #Crossover aus #cross over #Pokémon #Pokémon au

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monarch-maelstrom · 1 year

Text

After Hawkmoth is defeated

*Marinette and Adrien about to kiss*

Bunnix: Hello! Congratulations! You guys must be so happy!

Adrienette: …

Bunnix: Well anyways Adrien I already got you a therapist. It’s twice a week at 5:00. Okay well congrats again.

Adrien: uh thanks?

Bunnix: don’t worry Marinette I’m working on one for you.

Marinette: …

Bunnix: was this a bad time?

…………

Based on something my friends said

Adrien: tell my father I love him Nathalie.

Felix: tell my uncle he’s a shitty dad.

………..

Incorrect Miraculous quotes from gravity falls

Ladybug: and when we crack the case they’ll see who is adorable.

Ladybug: *sneezes*

Chat Noir: Aw you sneeze like a kitten!

————

Multimouse 8: Multimouse classic is getting away!

Multimouse with a paper 5 taped to her forehead: Uh no it’s me friends number 5!

Multimouse 5 being pinned to the ground: Don’t listen to her, I'm number 5!

All of the Multimouses: AHHHHHHHH!

………

Miraculous characters playing a basketball game based on me and my friend

Rena Rouge: Hey Ladybug did you hear who won the game?

Ladybug: No, because Chat Noir was saying yeet everytime the ball was being thrown across the room

Earlier

Carapace: *throws the ball across you the room*

Chat Noir: YEET

……….

Lila: *trips*

Ladybug: It’s kicking time.

Chat Noir: Ladybug NO.

……..

Chat Noir: *gets hit in the stomach by the ball*

Ladybug: Oh god! Are you okay?

Chat Noir: Oh yeah I’m completely fine.

Ladybug: I’ll be not fine for you.

……..

Chat Noir: even after penalteam I still have no idea how to play soccer

Chat Noir: *scores in the opposite teams goal 5 times*

————-

Chat Noir: what happened?

Ladybug: you fell off the Eiffel Tower

Chat Noir: ….

Chat Noir: well I guess it’s the I fell tower now

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous incorrect quotes #ml ladybug #ml ladynoir #ml chat noir #rena rouge #ml love square #ml adrienette

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estellardreams · 4 months

Text

Tachophobia Expanded Universe: Incorrect Quotes

Niko: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

Camellia, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

Camellia, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader! Doctor Aster: I’m done with everyone’s bullshit.

Camellia: What do we think of Niko? *pause* Damien: *sighs* Nice pal. Kyle: I think they're gay.

Damien: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much? Kyle: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is! Damien: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!! Kyle: You take that back!!! Damien: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

Damien: Is this gaslighting? Am I being gaslit? Doctor Aster: If I were gaslighting you, you’d never know it. Damien: Is THAT gaslighting? Doctor Aster: Shut up.

Damien: Hello, I'm Damien. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.

Damien, ordering coffee: I’d like a light roast. Kyle: You're kinda ugly.

Camellia: Do you guys want to see a butterfly? Kyle: Ooh, yes please! Doctor Aster, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug! Camellia: It's not a bug though... Doctor Aster: ... Kyle: ... Doctor Aster: Well I still don't want to see. Kyle, realizing: Please don't throw- Camellia: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Damien: Just wondering, did you get any sleep? Camellia: Did I get any... leap? Damien: What...?

Niko, gesturing to Doctor Aster: Camellia, look what you did! You made Mom upset! Damien: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry! Camellia: I’m sorry Mom... :( Doctor Aster, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

Kyle: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire? Damien: Microwave for 40 minutes. Camellia: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?! Damien: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn’t own any pots… Niko: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?! Damien: Microwave for 40 minutes.

Kyle, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Camellia: Onion rings are vegetable donuts. Damien, used to Camellia being dumb: Sure... Camellia: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed. Damien: Okay? Camellia: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake. Damien: Camellia: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio- Damien: Jesus, that one is a little- Niko, interested: No, no, Camellia, keep going.

Kyle: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths. Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

Damien: What's that? Camellia: Chocolate. Damien: What's chocolate? Camellia: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from? Damien: Yeah. Grapes, nuts. Camellia: No wonder you're so bitter.

Kyle: Don’t you have any dignity, Doctor Aster? Doctor Aster: Uh, no.

Niko: Hey Damien, do you have any hobbies? Damien: Swimming.. Niko: Really? That’s cool. I never expected you to- Damien: In a pool of self hatred and regret.

Damien: I’m terrible at expressing myself. Doctor Aster: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words! Damien: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Kyle: Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours! Camellia: Six? I only got three! Niko: You guys got sleep? Damien, comes stumbling out of their room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying: What year is it??

Camellia: You’re insane! Doctor Aster: Sure I am, what’s your point?

(OH MY GOD WHEN I SAW THIS GENERATED I SCREAMED:)

Damien: Welcome to my room. As you can see, I've knocked over many chairs because I get so tilted at the towers. Kyle: Uh, this isn't really tilted. Or a tower. Damien: Well you see, it's a gamer pad. Not many girls come in here because I get friendzoned so frequently. But that's okay. Kyle: I'd like to be in the Friendzone! I like friends! Damien: It's not as pleasant as you think. They don't treat you like a friend. They treat you like an item. Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory to these women; But unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get respect. Kyle: I'm not a gamer! so maybe they'll respect me! Damien: That just makes you a beta cuck.

Niko: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

Camellia: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Doctor Aster: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Doctor Aster: What kinds of sounds annoy you? Camellia: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones? Doctor Aster, now interested: Lets say imaginary. Camellia: Spiders wearing flip flops.

#sonic au #sonic #tachophobia expanded universe #text post #incorrect quotes #Might add more to this idk

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