Diego, after attempting to cook: THE KITCHEN鈥橲 ON FIRE
Viktor: Where鈥檚 a responsible adult???
Diego; He鈥檚 asleep!
Klaus, grabbing a bucket of water: Don鈥檛 worry guys, I鈥檝e got this!
Klaus: *throws water on Five* WAKE THE FUCK UP THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE
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it鈥檚 literally him
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*At Luther's wedding*
Y/N: Bet you three shots he'll cry.
Five: I bet you four he'll throw up.
Y/N: I bet you two shots we'll pull through this too.
Five: seven that we'll all die, love.
Lila: Do they realise this is called alcoholism?
Diego: Shhh...just watch
Y/N: Two shots say you'll be kissing me tonight.
*Five takes two shots, smirks at her blushing face*
Lila: wtf?
Diego: It's giving love.
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Five: please. I am literally begging you to stop.
Me: *chugging baby benadryl straight from the bottle* IF THE HATMAN CAN'T STOP ME, THEN NEITHER CAN Y O U
Five: oh my fucking-
Me: THE HATMAN FEARS ME, AND SO SHOULD EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS MORTAL PLANE
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Diego: Deadname or misgender my brother and your pronouns will be was/were
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Klaus's Freakout
Five: *Kicks the door down in a rush*
Y/N: What did you do?
Five: Nobody died.
Klaus: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
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Five: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Klaus: My record is four, but I think I can do it.
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Y/n: You think you're smarter than everyone else
Five: I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am
Diego: Cocky bastard for a guy who's mentally 40+ years older than his girlfriend
Five: Fuck off- I know where you sleep asshole
Diego: And I know where your girlfriend sleeps
Five: Are you threatening my girlfriend?
Diego, rubbing your head: I could never hurt this cute head. But I could hurt you
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Five : *Accidentally hits Y/N in the face*
Five : *Trying to decide between saying 'I鈥檓 fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Five : "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!"
Y/N : "What鈥檚 wrong with you?!"
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Klaus: Five sent me a get better soon card
Diego: Oh, that鈥檚 nice-
Five: He鈥檚 not sick, I just think he could do fucking better with his life
Diego:
Klaus, admiring his card with tears in his eyes: I鈥檓 framing this
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Five: If there is one thing I'm thankful for it's-
Diego: Your family?
Klaus: Bloodshed?
Luther: Alcohol?
Victor: Coffee?
Five:...
Y/N: Guys...can we please exchange our vows without interruptions?
Ben *hands Five a gun* arent you glad I'm your best man?
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Me: *on the couch wearing a onsie and sunglasses, drinking from a gallon of apple juice"
Five: Are you ok?
Me: In a physical or spiritual sense?
Five: ...
Me: Because I am neither and I will not be taking anymore questions.
Five: But why-
Klaus: *in a matching outfit, coming to join me* You heard the woman, no more questions, dumbass.
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