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#who went through the same confusing gender feelings as they are going through right now.
nonuggetshere · 11 months
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I'm gonna continue with the requests later, but I also felt the need to doodle my two PVs with a little bit of gender on the side
They're both still very much genderless, but because not every non-binary/agender person will have the same perception/feelings regarding their gender and won't have the same gender presentation, I decided to mess around with it a little
Hallow is genderfluidv(though after some consideration I realised agenderflux describes them more accurately, but oh well, these labels don't even exist in their story so who cares), they're non-binary but their alignment fluctuates between fem-leaning, masc-leaning, something in-between and neither. They're fine with any terms and pronouns but mostly go by they/them.
Luna is genderfae/transfem, their gender fluctuates between agender and fem-aligned non-binary. They mostly go by they/them and gender-neutral and feminine terms, they're fine with she/her and some neopronouns, but any masculine terms and pronouns are a big no-no for them. Currently, I'm considering making them an enby lesbian, but that might change in the future.
#spooky arts#hollow king au#I swear this is the longest I've ever spent considering what labels would describe a character. I myself have a weird relationship with#labels so I only ever think about what people would a character be into and how their gebder 'feels' like and never go into details#I spent like an hour looking for a term that could describe how I imagined Luna's gender LMAO#Hallow is mostly me projecting. Luna is 75% me wanting to explore a situation where the pure vessel comes out as trans after they're found#out that they're not hollow. And 25% spite for all the people who call them he/him#So you know how some enby lesbians describe their gender as like. The only connection to womanhood they feel is their attraction to women?#That's kind of the vibe I get from Luna. They're enby just very sliiightly titled towards womanhood#They're also a teen and in a scenario where all the different AU hollows interact they'd bond a lot with Hallow as the only other person#who went through the same confusing gender feelings as they are going through right now.#They're kind of like 'man I wish I was a girl sometimes so I could be called princess and wear dresses' 'you know you can just do that#right?' 'I CAN?'#Also even though they're fine with different pronouns I'm still just gonna be using they/them on my blog for them. Bc I know some people#are weird about Hollow's gender and refuse to acknowledge theyre enby or keep misgendering them 🙄 I don't wanna add to that#We give a little bit of gender fuckery to the vessels though. They deserve it.#But yeah I still wanna be clear. Their genders fluctuate in alignment but they're still very much agender/genderless. Please don't treat#them like binary people 😭
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sourbinnie · 10 months
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☆ trying ☆
♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> heavy angst ; no happy ending ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> maknae line!skz + sibling!reader (gender neutral) ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> your brother failed you and now it was too late to redeem it. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> swearing ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!
hyung line
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-> the scenario
remembering was hard to you, thinking about the old days just didn’t seem right. it was a different life, a different air and a different kind of worry you had. you enjoyed your brother’s company a lot when you were younger, he was your best friend even if he was older than you. you had a strong bond (or that’s what you thought), a connection that you didn’t find anywhere else and when he hugged you, you felt protected like nothing could hurt you.
growing up always leads to people changing through time. so when you started to drift away from him, you knew things weren’t going to go exactly how you wanted them to be. you really did try to keep the relationship you formed with him going but it was no use when it was all one sided. that still didn’t stop you from trying even if you would leave empty handed, you just wanted to tell him how much he meant to you and you wanted to keep on supporting him. it was safe to say that only brought out fights since he didn’t want you there in the first place and when you’re in your teenage years, you really don’t know how to solve things without fighting.
when he started being a trainee, it was worse. you could handle him not wanting you there and making a fuss about it, you couldn’t handle the silence though. you couldn’t handle the cold shoulder every time he saw you or the way he couldn’t even look at you. even worse was the fact that you barely saw him because of how much time he spent at the jyp building training and when he debuted, he never told you. he told the rest of your family of course but you had to find out through your mom. no message popped up on your phone, no phone call, nothing, it was radio silence and you were done.
it was easy to say that if he wasn’t gonna put in his part as your brother, then you were not gonna be his little brother/sister anymore. it was too late to fix anything, especially the mess he created in the first place. it was unfair and you didn’t feel like putting up a fight anymore.
jisung ✉
he still fondly remembers when he chased you around, when he read to you and when you took his toys away. now as an adult stepping into his old house, he felt like home wasn't where he belonged anymore just because he lost the connection he used to have with you. he loved his older brother to death and he still had contact with him yet he knew it would never be the same for the two of you.
even if he tried to redeem it now (which he wanted to of course), he felt lost in even knowing how to take the approach. how do you talk to someone who you haven't spoken to since you were teenagers? the last time he remembers having a proper conversation with you was so long ago and yet the memory still lives in his mind because that's where it all went down.
"(y/n) hey..." he said and that's all he could come up with when he saw you in the living room. his suitcase next to him at the entrance door as you looked at him up and down. it wasn't a judging stare, more like an "i don't care about you" look and if those eyes didn't hurt then he knew your words would.
"oh hi, i'll be leaving soon so don't mind me." you said and he did notice you were all dressed up to go out. he sighed since the least thing that he wanted right now was for you to leave but at the same time if you stayed it wouldn't be easy to talk. he missed the comfort atmosphere you two had and the way you would listen to each other.
"can we talk? when you get back of course." he asked and clarified which made you look at him confused. there was nothing to talk about from your part, you were done with seeing him and you were gonna try to avoid him for as long as he stayed.
"i don't think that would be good." you said as you got up to head out the door but jisung was right there and you couldn't pass. his big eyes looking at you, pleading you to just have one conversation with him but you weren't gonna give in at all. "please jisung, i am handling enough with just seeing you right now."
"why are you like this? i really wanna fix it and you're not helping. i wanna be your brother again, i'm done acting like we're strangers." he exclaimed frustrated and that only made you boil with anger because he clearly was only thinking about himself and how much he was the one trying but when you were the one trying to keep it alive, he ignored you.
"fuck off really. you were the one who started acting like we were nothing and now you want to be back in my life? i am good, thank you." you said, giving him a sarcastic smile as you moved him out of the way and went out. he could only stare at you as you walked away, it felt like you were walking away from his life forever and that only left the worst feeling on his chest.
felix ✉
he really did feel like he fucked everything up. he had the best relationship with his sisters, why didn't he have it with you? you were the closest to him at one point and now you were basically like a ghost in his life. he didn't call you, didn't text you, didn't see you and didn't even hear from you. his whole family knew about the situation you two were going through yet none of them made a move to help because they knew how stubborn you two were.
"why are you here?" you asked as you stepped out of work. his stubborn nature was still there but he wanted to put in the effort, he wanted to solve the tension and recover his sibling. that's all he needed in his life right now to be happy since everything was going so well but he couldn't feel like everything was good if he didn't have you.
"i thought i could come pick you up. i should've told you i'm back in australia for a couple of days but-" he tried to explain but you cut him off before he could finish.
"you forgot just like you forgot about me this entire time, yeah." you said and that made him almost run out of air because it took everything from him. he started to understand that you were not the stubborn one, that you were hurt by his actions and you wanted to stay away from him because of it. who was he to blame you? he left you in the dark and now he was facing the consequences.
"(y/n) i'm sorry. it's too late to apologize i know but i really wanna make things right now and i missed you like crazy. i'm now realizing that what i did was very wrong of me and i would take it back if i could." he said in between mumbles and it did make you feel like he was being honest. but like he said, it was really too late for apologies and for being sorry when you moved on. 
"you're now realizing? after so many years? i waited for you to call that day and you never did." you said with tears in your eyes that were spilling like waterfalls. he couldn't stand seeing you cry and he couldn't place when exactly you were expecting him to call which only made him feel like a worse brother. "i hope you'll be happy but it's not gonna be with me in your life."
he let you walk away because what else was he supposed to do? then he remembered what you were talking about. the day he debuted, he called his mom, his dad, his sisters and he didn't call you. he didn't feel pathetic for crying in a parking lot, he just felt broken.
seungmin ✉
he did try to see you, that's what he was thinking about right now. he told his parents and older sister to tell you to come to one of his concerts, he really wanted you there because it had been so long that he felt like this would be a good chance to reconnect. needless to say he didn't see you backstage when his parents came in with his sister but there was no presence of you up close.
at first he thought maybe you were just arriving late or something happened. but when he asked, he got the dreaded response from his sister that you had said no and decided to stay home. it hurt knowing that you weren't gonna be there when he needed your presence out there and you could say that made him a little mad. maybe he was being irrational but it felt like you were pushing him away when all he wanted was to fix things.
"(y/n) why aren't you here?" he asked over the phone when he was in his dressing room with little to no time left for him to be on stage. he should be rehearsing, resting his vocals but he was instead calling you because he needed an answer.
"why should i be? i'm not your sibling anymore." you said as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet and it only made him confused. okay yeah you had a period of time where you did not speak to each other (or he didn't speak to you to put in better words) but he would never stop considering you his sibling.
"what the fuck are you saying? of course you are. if this is about what happened when we were younger, we need to put it behind and let it go because i can't deal with that anymore." he said and he knew he chose his words in a harsh way but he was so done at the moment. he didn't know that by saying that, he only made you want to distance yourself from him even more.
"it's so easy for you to say that when you don't know what you put me through. i cared about you so much and i looked up to you but now i'm just so done with you and i don't want to see you ever again." you said as you hung up leaving a shocked seungmin that almost dropped his phone. it made him want to cry, to protest, to throw something at the wall.
he did ruin it for good this time, he should've never called and never invited you. not because he was angry but because he just made it worse every time, he dug himself deeper into a hole because he just would never be the brother you deserved.
jeongin ✉
when you're constantly being treated like you're the youngest, you sometimes forget you're the oldest in some contexts. he definitely knew he was a role model to his younger brother and that his older brother was proud of him but all he cared about nowadays as he thought more and more about it, was your opinion about him. you didn't see him with loving eyes anymore and the more time he stayed in his old house with his family, the more he wanted to leave. not because he didn't feel at home anymore but because he just couldn't take the tension.
"(y/n) i need to talk to you." he said as he walked in your room, he didn't even bother knocking on the door. he needed to get everything off his chest before he left and regretted not doing anything about your relationship. he hadn't spoken to you in so long that he almost stumbled on his words.
"i really don't wanna talk jeongin." there was no more innie and jeo, it was just his name out of your mouth like it didn't mean a thing. you weren't even looking at him and a sense of shame built up in him because he was just so sad, so embarrassed to have been the worst brother to you.
"i know but i'm gonna go tomorrow and i feel like i need to say this before i blow up." he expressed and now you were looking at him waiting for an answer. he thought ot the words on his head just like he processed lyrics so many times on stage and let them out. "i want to say that i'm sorry about everything. i failed you as a brother and as a friend, we were so close before and now i'm wondering if we could be close again. i miss spending time with you and i'm sad that we didn't get to talk all this time that i've been here."
"we can't." you said calmly and he looked at you confused. "we can't be close again because i am better off not waiting on you. even now i almost had hope that you would try to approach me sooner but you're doing this when you're leaving."
"i didn't want to upset you or make you feel uncomfortable." he tried to reason but you just shook your head. it was so obvious to you that if you did fix things now, you would be left in the dark again when he went back to his idol life again and would forget all about you.
"well it was the worst week so far. it reminded me of when you were training and you wouldn't even talk to me." you said and he remembers that all too well, it left a print on his mind as he tried not to think about it but knew it was all he would think about. "please get out jeongin, i would rather not talk to you anymore."
and he did as you asked, he got out of your room and out of your life. he would have to live with the guilt of never being able to repair the bond that he once formed with his little sibling.
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evil8keta · 1 month
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Ok so I have a request and it’s kinda like a self-insert..
So.. A Platonic mercs and fem!reader who wears masculine clothing and has short hair. (Like a pixie cut or half-shaved head) The mercs think she’s a boy at first. But then they find out that.. *gasp* it’s a girl! How would they react? Again, platonic please, I don’t ship myself with any of them!
- Random Anon
I LOVE THIS REQUEST SO MUCH!! the scenario for this is that you had no idea that the others think ur a boy lol....also they all found out during a group meeting or something
the mercs find out that... *gasp* you're a GIRL?!
SCOUT
- WHAT?! WHAT???! he can't believe it.... scout immediately ran up to you and drowned you in questions like "are you sure you're a girl?? are you ABSOLUTELY sure??" eventually he was peeled off of you by spy cause he was being too annoying lol. anyway this big gender reveal surprisingly doesn't change how he behaves around you he was just very dramatic when he found out
PYRO
- gasp!!! no way!! pyro is so surprised!! they all have been misgendering you this whole time and you had no idea!! :( because of this pyro feels bad... but again, it doesn't change how they feel about you at all lol. they would definitely go up to you later and apologize to you for thinking that you're a man (not like you can understand their muffled voice through the mask anyway)
SOLDIER
- stares at you like this >:O for a whole minute then shrugs it off like eh whatever. nothing changes, he's glad they got your gender right now but it's not a big deal! he's going to treat you the same... at least NOW he understands why you gave him a feminine flowerly deodorant when he asked to borrow one from you
HEAVY
- oh... well, that's interesting. he tries his best to stay calm and not look surprised but the confused expression on his face and wide eyes say otherwise. he eyes you suspiciously, but stops suspecting you pretty quickly. it's obvious that you weren't hiding anything, and they all just assumed incorrectly, so it's their fault not yours lol. he's pretty chill after that, and the way he treats you doesn't change either, maybe he's just a little bit more careful towards you
DEMOMAN
- starts shouting and is the second one to question you right after scout is peeled off of you, smh. "SINCE WHEN WERE YE A LASS???" really confused and dramatic and it takes like 10 minutes to calm him down. after that he might actually start acting nicer towards you? idk to me he just seems like he really respects women. it's not a big difference he's just more of a gentleman
ENGINEER
- bamboozled but not for long. like at first he's like scratching his head and thinking about how come no one noticed sooner. but then he shrugs it off, smiles and starts congratulating you as if you had your own gender reveal party. you're his daughter now
MEDIC
- ALWAYS knew you were a girl, he read it in your medical files, but after he noticed that most of the other mercs view you as a man, he played along. for fun. however when you said you're a girl in front of everyone he was like gasping and covering his mouth, like omg?? you're a girl?? wowww right he sure had no idea... /s
SPY
- is....very surprised, but tries to not show it. spy ran background checks on literally everyone in the base, including you, so how did he not figure out you're a girl sooner..? perhaps he was too convinced that you are a man that he didn't bother to check lol. anyways after his initial surprise he's quite indifferent but he might but he might be more wary of you from time to time. like what else could you be hiding, huh?? you're secretly the president of Czechoslovakia or something??
SNIPER
- not gonna lie bro was sleeping the entire time of the meeting....then he heard the world "girl" lol and immediately woke up, looking around in confusion. after he came to his senses he was speechless for a while, like woah... you're a girl? okay. yeah he really doesn't care and just went back to napping. like yeah, good thing that everyone knows now, but it's really not any difference to him. he might treat you more gentlemanly afterwards tho, but that's just his manners
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5eraphim · 5 months
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Just saw ur lovely request are open once again,but I want to see some headcanons between zed and maynard when you- a former mercenary that left the war- comes back to check on the team- only to be terrified and creeped out by the surroundings.
And upon exploring inside- you find yourself to get lost upon the building..and when you saw a resemblance of your old teammate; engineer you couldn't help but be relieved..in a hurry you went over to him- and began to ramble and talk to him in worry..however you noticed something was off by the way he acts..he doesn't seem to know you..he seems surprised.. and when you call him dell- he even chuckles as if he finds it funny..
He offers you to go somewhere else- saying it's not safe- being lost and naive- you follow- making him actually lead you deeper inside.
You used to work here- why did this place suddenly became complex for you to wander around?
But then suddenly an another engineer appears and you panicked, raising your only weapon up towards them, but the engineer beside you stops you- taking the gun away from you.
You became confused- telling him there's an enemy right in front of you and he just laughs. You hear the supposed enemy engineer ask who you are- calling the engineer you first met- maynard and you became more confused and panicked as you realizes that this guy wasn't the same engineer you worked with.. and well.. this rambling could go even further with them trapping you inside the conagher slaughter house.
I 100% forgot you wanted this "headcanons" style, and drafted the entire oneshot before I Realized. I hope that's alright with you! Thank you so much for the request, I really hope you enjoy.
Title: Where He Once Stood
Characters: Maynard and Zed (Emesis Blue)
Rating: M (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, GO PLAY OUTSIDE)
Content Warnings: Reader is gender neutral, x reader, implied forced intimacy, power imbalance, deceptive abduction, slight amnesia, yandere
Word Count: 3.7k
MASTER LIST
TIP JAR
"The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved." (Jeremiah 8:20)
"Even blood washes out, or you can fill your mouth with things that hide the taste." Sophie MacKintosh, Excerpt from "Cursed Bread"
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You thought you knew your way around this place; you'd been around these parts plenty of times before. Sure, some years had passed, but that didn't explain how utterly lost you felt wandering Dustbowl. You ditched the war ages ago to find your own way in life, and you were content with that. It wasn't until recently that you decided you wanted to catch up with your closest friend from your time serving, Dell. 
As a Sniper, you didn't interact much with the Engineer, but it wasn't your time on the battlefield you remembered fondly. It was his warmth and kindness at the end of the day, how excited you would get meeting up with him and the rest of the team for breakfast every day, despite knowing the grim work in store for you later in the day, and all the other moments of levity during such a dark time in your life. He was a good man, much too good to be stuck fighting the war.
The flashlight's beam did little to cut through the intense darkness overhead, and you could tell rain was due any minute now. You expected navigation would be tricky, but this was absolutely futile. The longer you wandered, the more your brain fog intensified, making you feel like a small child lost in the dark looking for their mother, jumping at shadows and fearing the sound of wind whipping overhead was the voices of ghosts.
Mindlessly, you fiddled with the strap securing your rifle to your body. Passing by a reflective window, you did a double take, catching your reflection. Looking down, you realized you were in your old Sniper's uniform. You could've sworn you came here dressed in civilian clothes when you departed, but frustratingly, you couldn't remember for sure.
In the distance, thunder rumbled, the storm was closing in, and you needed to find your way to proper shelter. Feeling a light rain against your face, you picked up the pace, trying to find any signs of life nearby, and to your immense relief, after rounding what felt like the hundredth nondescript dark corner, you spotted a light on, and could just make out the blurry details of Dell's old workshop. Running closer, you smiled, seeing the silhouette of someone inside tinkering away. It just had to be Dell!
As you sped closer and got a better look at the workshop, annoyed slightly by the fogged glass obscuring your vision keeping you from seeing inside, but you were too excited to see him again to care much.
Knocking on the door, you yelled, "Dell, open up!"
Watching a silhouette draw closer to the door, you were confused as he stalled for a moment, "Dell, will you let me in! It's freezing out here!"
The door creaked open, and Dell stood stiffly, without hesitating; you wrapped both arms around him, hugging as close as you could, almost sobbing with happiness after finally finding a familiar face around here.
"It's good to see you again! I missed you so much!"
Awkwardly, he patted your back and returned the hug before pulling away, staring at you with an almost blank look. "Sniper?"
Forcing a smile, you tried to ignore how uneasy he was acting, "C'mon Dell, it's me- we fought together for years. Don't tell me you've forgotten already?"
With an odd look on his face, he nodded, a strange smile spread across his face, "Course I remember ya, that's right- it's me, your ol' buddy Dell. It's been a while since I saw your face- whatcha doin' 'round here?"
He was acting weird, but it had been so long since he'd seen you face to face, and you didn't want to say anything. As he let you inside, you couldn't ignore the mess around the workshop. Dell could get buried in his work more than anyone you knew, but he was never so sloppy before. Beer cans littered tables, cigarettes piled over in ashtrays, and countless grease stains streaked across the tables and walls. You had to force yourself to keep from recoiling at the smell of stale air and debris. Seeing your old comrade out of uniform was odd, even if he still dawned the hard hat and goggles. Did he get taller after the war? You wondered but didn't want to ask out loud.
He noticed your staring, even if you were too meek to say anything definitive. With a hearty laugh, he pulled you into a crushing bear hug, "Good to see ya again, partner. It's been awful quiet 'round these parts lately."
You wanted to pull up a chair and catch up, but you couldn't forget the nightmarish terrain you crossed to get here. Pushing away from the hug, biting your lower lip nervously, you spoke, "Dell, I think something's up. We gotta get out of here."
Dell didn't seem to notice how bleak things were outside his shop. "This ol' place? I've been living under this roof since day one… It ain't been that long since you ditched the war." He gave you a cheeky smile, "Don't tell me you've already forgotten this place."
He was right. Objectively, you were fighting in the war just a few years ago, and there was no reason for you to have already forgotten so much. It didn't make any sense. Too insecure about the bizarre amnesia and brain fog to confess to either, you didn't respond, watching Dell cautiously nodding. Dell sighed, "I'm a might busy now, but I can walk with you for a while; I reckon I can take one night off. Help ya outta here an' all."
Stepping away a bit, you expected Dell to lead you back outside, but to your surprise, he drew further into the workshop, bringing you to the door attaching the shop to the rest of the warehouse. He opened the door, holding it open for you as you paced onward. It didn't make sense to you that this could be the way out, but Dell was your friend, and you trusted him. And it wasn't like you had any better ideas.
The two of you shuffled forward in a slightly awkward silence, you couldn't ignore how different everything looked from how you remembered it. How could everything have fallen into disrepair so fast? Windows were shattered, and walls were fractured by massive cracks, it was like the place had been abandoned for at least a decade. Things were run down, broken, and you tried not to consider the possibility you'd somehow stumbled onto enemy territory. You reasoned it was only a matter of time before you saw something you remembered, and if it were the enemy base, surely you'd have gotten yourself shot by now.
Dell broke the silence, "You came all this way to see me. You still talkin' with the others? Any idea how they're holdin' up?"
He sounded so disinterested; it was hard to imagine someone like him hadn't kept up with the others back home, if there was one person to be "a friend to all", it was Dell."I'm not so sure, actually. It's been getting quieter and quieter on their end… I just- I uh, really wanted to come and see you before you went silent too…"
Dell looked over his shoulder to smile at you, but this was an expression you'd never seen from him before. "Well, aren't you just the sweetest thing." Something was seriously off with him, but you couldn't put your finger on it.
You were so unsettled you didn't know how to respond, keeping your head down and hands mindlessly fumbling with your gun strap, trying to hold onto the hope this would all be over soon.
"To get outta here, we're gonna cross someone who don't take kindly to trespassers. But hold my hand, and I promise I'll getcha through." He extended his un-gloved hand for you to take, a kind gesture, but not one you were too thrilled to accept.
Raising an eyebrow, you responded, "If it's just one guy, I think I can defend myself just fine." As you spoke, you tapped the tip of the rifle strapped to your back with your fingernail. 
Dell looked like he was trying to stifle a laugh, "Buddy, don't wanna do that, trust me. Ya ain't gonna win a quick draw against him." Once again, he extended his hand palm-up for you to take, which you reluctantly accepted. To your slight relief, Dell's hands were at least as warm as you remembered. It wasn't much, but you found it comforting.
You were thankful Dell didn't try to rush. Matching your feeble pace and walking close enough beside, you could almost feel his hip pressed against your own. "Is it Spy? Is he still around?" 
Dell snickered, "Nope."
You continued walking by his side for a while without saying anything. Listening to the sound of your own footsteps against the creaking floor, trying to ignore the other noises of the house. The rain pattering against the windows, which rattled in the wind. Even creepier, you couldn't ignore the unidentifiable sounds from below the floorboards, sounding almost like someone moaning in pain. You could've sworn you could hear whispers coming from behind the dark corners, but you knew there was no way anyone else was around. Inner reason told you it was just your mind playing tricks on you, but you couldn't help but whip your head toward the voices to catch someone there, but no one ever was.
If Dell could hear the moans of pain or the hushed voices, he didn't say anything. As you walked, he ran his thumb in soft, slow circles against the back of your hand to try and comfort you. He hummed a little under his breath as though trying to minimize the creepiness of the place.
When you were about to ask how much longer until you found a way out, Dell stopped at another door. Remarkably sturdy looking and well-maintained compared to the shabbiness of the rest of the house. Given how heavy and industrial it appeared, it hardly resembled a door, looking more like the entrance to a bank vault. "This is it. He's right in 'ere. Don't let him scare ya. He's all bark and no bite… Sort of."
You were too tense to ask precisely what he meant by that, giving him a single nod in response, pressing your lips together into a hard line, tightening your grip against his hand. Stealing your resolve with a deep breath, you had no idea what lay in wait behind the door, but you were ready to tackle it head-on if it meant getting out. Pulling a tarnished silver key from his top pocket, Dell unlatched the door, stealing a quick glance your way before pushing the heavy door open. 
You weren't ready to see what was behind that door, let alone confront him. The sight of another Engineer covered in fresh blood, chunks of carnage clinging to his overalls, and cleaning his tools, which were just as drenched in gore as he was, made you lock up with fear. The smell of carnage and motor oil almost made you wretch, and it took all your strength to keep from covering your eyes or screaming. 
Two Engineers at the same base was confusing enough, but seeing one of them drenched in blood off the battlefield made you even more horrified. They both looked so much like Dell, but you knew with a sinking realization neither of these men were the Engie you knew and cared for. The other Engineer looked up at his twin, only then noticing he wasn't alone. "Who the hell is that?"
He shot up from his seat, ready to dart in your direction. Instinctively, you drew your weapon and were prepared to aim at the other Engineer. Your hands shook badly, and you knew you'd miss him if you tried to fire, even at such a close range. 
Before you could even raise the crosshairs to your eye, you felt a heavy hand on your shoulder, pulling you protectively closer to his body, effortlessly yanking you from your weak stance, speaking in a louder but not quite aggressive voice. "Hey, easy there- don't do anything stupid now. We're just here to talk."
You weren't sure if he was talking to you or the other Engineer, but thankfully, he stopped where he was, keeping one hand planted on the gun attached to his belt. "Don't do anything stupid? Maynard! What the hell are you doin' bringin' someone up here!?"
Confusion slowly began to dwarf your fear. Keeping a tight hold on your gun, you lowered it a little more, whispering under your breath, glancing at the man beside you out of the corner of your eye, "Maynard?"
Despite the hostile situation, he grinned and winked, "Charmed to make your acquaintance, partner."
The other Engineer was far less amused. "Maynard, answer me! You got a hell of a lotta explainin' to do, brother!" It was too dark to see his face, as though you could even really see him under the hard hat and glasses, but his voice was more than enough to make you go stunned and silent.
All rational was gone. You could only think about getting out of this awful place. You tried to turn on your heel and break from Maynard's grip, but he was even stronger than he looked, keeping you effortlessly pinned in place.
A pair of bulky arms hugged you from behind, wrapping around your belly, pulling you securely against a chest broader than you remembered Dell's being. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck prickle as you were forced to fully realize how close the stranger was and how far away from safety you were. 
Sure, you were scared before, but Dell was your best friend, and you'd follow him anywhere, but this wasn't Dell, and now you were in the clutches of something much more nefarious than you had expected.
Leaning close to whisper in your ear, you heard the stranger speak, "You weren't runnin' away on me now, were you? You wouldn't leave me all alone in here, would ya, darlin'? And here I thought we were getting along so well." His hug from behind tightened noticeably as he hissed that last part into your ear, crushing the air from your lungs. Your eyes widened, watching the other Engineer stalking closer. He looked so much like Dell, but you knew this wasn't him, the similarities making him all the more terrifying. The other Engineer didn't once take his hand from his gun, but at least he wasn't yelling anymore. "The hell are you doing here? Just who the hell-"
Maynard raised one hand to silence the other Engineer, who complied through grit teeth, and you could only imagine the enraged look on his face under his goggles. 
"Relax, Zed, this one is harmless-"
Zed fumed, "Don't tell me to relax, you lazy bastard! You bring a surprise visitor this deep into the house with a gun pointed at my head! And you want me to relax!?"
You paled, listening to Zed confirm what you'd feared all along. You weren't being led the way out. You were following blindly even deeper into enemy territory, brought all the way into his den without even trying to fight back. You couldn't even call it your old base anymore. Where you stood now was his turf. Any pathetic, fleeting hope of escaping this bizarre place vanished the instant the words left Zed's mouth. Tears of hopelessness stung your eyes, threatening to spill as you heard Maynard's deep, unsettling laughter rumbling behind you. Too scared to move much on your own, you managed to buck forward suddenly, wriggling free as his arm detached from around you, forcing you to support yourself with shaking knees, holding your rifle to your chest with white knuckles, breathing rapidly. 
Maynard took a half-step away and smiled reassuringly before extending a hand your way. In a faux-soothing voice, though with a note of condescension, as though he were speaking to a small child, "You heard the man. Hand it over." 
The mere sight of Zed standing close by, staring you down with complete vitriol, made you hesitate. Your situation was hopeless; anyone could see that trying to hold onto your gun would likely give you more trouble than anything else, but still, you were too scared out of your mind to think clearly. 
Seconds passed like hours as Maynard stared at you with that creepy smile, "Don'tcha want this all over with? Just hand me the gun, buddy. That's all ya gotta do." You looked back between Zed and Maynard like a hunted animal.
"C'mon now, Don't make me take it from you," Maynard warned, sounding a little too excited to enforce his own threat. Swallowing the lump in your throat, with unsteady hands, you complied, turning over your only means of defense to the stranger. Your sniper rifle was more than a gun. It was an extension of yourself, and handing it away felt like a severe betrayal.
Without a second thought, the Texan smiled, accepting your weapon into his own hands, holding the thing carefully in his hands, and seeming to admire the firearm before smashing it into the cement wall beside him. The sound of metal against cement rang out like a gunshot, making you yelp, watching your precious gun get smashed to pieces. 
Maynard took a few more good swings against the wall before dropping the battered rifle to the ground, giving it a steel-toed stomp for good measure, beaming at the sound of metal breaking apart and shattering beneath his foot. 
Maynard looked at Zed with an almost chipper smile, "See, gun's gone now. I told ya that one's harness, didn't I?" Unable to look away, you stared down at your poor gun, not even flinching as Maynard slung an arm around your shoulders, pulling you back into his chest.
Zed appeared unphased by the brutal display, nodding at the sight of the broken weapon, at last moving his hand from his holster, crossing his arms over his chest. "I see. But I wanna know why you brought a hostage all the way up here. I know we got more than enough room in the bunkers-"
Maynard interrupted, squeezing you a little tighter, "Not a hostage. A guest, this one's an old friend of Dell's." Turning his head to face you, uncomfortably close, Maynard asked, "Dell ever mentioned he had brothers to ya before?"
You winced hearing his name. You didn't want to upset your captors more than they were, but you honestly had no idea what was happening, so you shook your head.
Maynard sighed, "Looks like our baby brother didn't spend much time missin' the folks back home. Typical youngest sibling', he thinks just cuz he's the golden child, he can leave the rest of us behind."
You were almost too scared to ask; you just had to know. "Dell is still alive… Isn't he?"
Maynard frowned, "Well, he ain't come our way in a long time. But I know he's out there. He'll be back soon… An' I know you'll be good an' help welcome him home, won'tcha?" While he spoke, his fingers began to drum over your shoulder, playing with the fabric of your shirt between his fingertips. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Zed watching you like a hawk, not moving from his position several paces away, likely still ready to blow your head off at a moment's notice.
Trying your hardest not to let him see how his touch made you shudder, you mumbled, "How long? How much longer till he's back?"
Maynard sighed, shrugging, "Well, tough to say for sure. We've been waitin' on a visit for ages now, but ya never know with him."
Your face fell, and your head dropped forward, not wanting to give Maynard the satisfaction of seeing you cry. Ruffling the top of your head with his gloved hand, he muttered, "Hey now, don't cry, it won't be so bad. We'll keep you nice and safe. I always did like a little company around here."
Maynard looked past you to talk to Zed, "Just give us a few. I'll get 'em settled in and be back to work."
Zed huffed but didn't say anything to stop his brother, allowing him to walk past where he stood to the hallways connecting personal quarters to the den. As he passed the threshold out of the den, Maynard laughed a little to himself, "Yeah, sorry 'bout him. He's always a lil' cranky 'round strangers."
If that was Zed being cranky, you didn't want to know what he looked like when he was really pissed. It wasn't long until Maynard stopped at another doorway at the end of the hall, which creaked harshly when pushed open. 
So this was where he was leading you all along, his bedroom. Somewhere so deep in the heart of the house, you didn't have a prayer of finding your own way out. You let Maynard lead you to his bed. He sat you down on the blanket, drinking in the scared look on your face with great satisfaction. 
"I gotta take care of a few more things, but I want ya to stay here; keep the bed nice and warm for me. I'll be back before ya know it."
You didn't say anything, too disgusted to even look him in the eye, but you could hear him chuckling at your adorable stubbornness, "What's the matter, partner? Got nothing to say?"
Still refusing to look at him, you mumbled. "You were never going to take me home. You lied to me."
Using his human hand, Maynard brushed the side of your cheek with the pad of his thumb, curling his other hand beneath your chin to tilt your head up to look at him.
"I promised to get you outta the workshop. I never promised to take ya home. But hey, it's gonna be ok, darlin', Don'tcha see? You are home now."
Biting your lower lip to keep from sobbing, you could feel your face trembling to keep the tears in, "This can't be real. This has gotta be a dream…"
Maynard leaned down to kiss your head, muttering, "Ya really think this is all some dream, huh? That's cute. Go on and hold onto that hope while ya can. Ya ain't gonna have much hope left after I've had my way with ya."
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jewbeloved · 2 years
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HIIII, so I had this idea forma a long time, the main four but yandere x shy reader????? Pls 😭
Yandere Team Stan with a shy s/o🔪🥰🩸❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹
Warnings: Kidnapping, Stalking intentions
Gender: Neutral
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❤️🧡 The Main Four 💚💙
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You were like, the shyest kid in the classroom is what most people would label you as.
You sort of barely talked to anybody else, in fear that you might make things more awkward or that person might seem bothered by you.
You thought that nobody was ever going to have their eyes on you and it stayed like that for a few weeks.
However, when you're walking through the hallways or home. You feel like somebody is staring at you and it doesn't sound like it's just one person. It's multiple.
You probably thought it was just night owls at night or deers in the morning.
But owls and deers don't send you letters in your locker or small gifts in your room. Do they?
Every morning you receive new letters and gifts in your locker, and at night you always find your window opened with more gifts in your room.
Your window being opened?
You though at first that you might have a secret admirer, but since you always find your window opened at night and that sends a chill down your spine.
So you decided to stay up and catch the culprit that has been opening up your window.
But you never saw your window being opened at all when you stayed up until morning.
You were confused, stressed, sleepy, and scared.
This routine continued for days. until one night.
You were drawing something in your sketchbook in the park since you were too paranoid to go home.
Just as you were about to pack up your stuff and leave, you caught a glimpse of 2 figures staring at you from behind the bushes.
They disappeared behind the bushes once they saw you staring right back at them.
You couldn't see who the people were because they only showed half of themselves.
You went over to the bushes to locate them. (Bad idea)
You were immediately tackled to the ground by 2 other figures.
You tried to struggle out of their grip until one of them pulled out a bat and knocked you out.
You woke up to see a blindfold over your eyes and felt ropes around you like you were tied to a chair.
You desperately tried to scream for help.
"Is it a good time to tape their mouth now???"
*muffles* (No, I like hearing their voice, it's cute)
"I agree"
"Me to"
Just by those voices, you knew that 4 people were in the room with you. Could they be the ones who kidnapped you?
"Uhm...can somebody take this blindfold off so I can see better..?" You asked quietly, hoping that one of them will take it off.
Silence led up the room for a min.
You then felt the blindfold being removed from your eyes.
You opened your eyes to see 4 boys that you recognize from your school. You saw that they all had smirks on their faces.
You look around to see that you were back in your room. That's when you realized.....
"Y-You guys have been leaving me letters in my locker and gifts in my room from opening my window?"
They didn't say anything, only for Stan to move closer towards you.
He put both of his hands on your cheek making you look straight at him and the others.
"Together and forever <3" They all sang at the same time.
It would have been easy for you, If there weren't 4 of them.
But oh well, I hope you don't mind having to deal with 4 yanderes at the same time <3💙💚🧡❤️
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I'm sorry this isn't what you wanted and it kind of look a bit rush.
I was busy catching up on my school work while taking breaks in between my requests on Tumblr.
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eightsevenths · 9 months
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pretty faced
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steve harrington + (ftm) eddie munson
explicit, face-sitting, hair pulling, fingering (3.4k)
read below
Steve was so high. The kind of high you can feel the thrumming in your veins and the floaty feel in your fingertips and like every limb was tied to his body by a single string; threatening to split if it’s burnt. Eddie’s weed was always good, and he wouldn’t have known that last year; Eddie never sold the truly good stuff, at least not to idiot jocks like King Steve. It’s another reason he’s glad he’s not that person anymore, he gets better weed all whilst he sinks into the bed of the freak himself, Eddie Munson. 
He's so different now, they both are really. But he would’ve never considered it a privilege, breathing in the smell of weed and cigarettes and cherry and apple bodywash immersed into the sheets, and he certainly wouldn’t derive the overwhelming comfort he does now from something so simple as being in Eddie’s home, his base.
It’s been a growing process, nearly dying and feeling absolutely powerless to save your friends’ lives can feel like going to hell and back, but he feels more grounded in his everyday life now. Some sort of knot inside has loosened, and he’s found a compass. He still gets nightmares of course, but now there’s arms wrapping around his chest and holding him instead of falling apart alone. Now if he gets anxious, he has someone to keep an eye on him and makes sure he eats and has painkillers if he has a migraine. 
It's not defined though, there’s hints and groundwork and potential but no actual words have been spoken about the dynamic they’ve slipped into. But they’ve spoken. Spoken about almost everything there is to speak about and they’ve both taken time to lay their cards on the table.
Eddie knows Steve has changed, he’s so far over Nancy now and he’s not like he was in school. He really emphasised how over Nancy was, wanted to make sure there was no confusion. And Eddie’s told him stuff too, one night he shared all about his ‘shit fuck by God’, educated Steve on the right terms and talking Steve through a lot of it when he asked. That was one of the first times Eddie had his own example of how Steve had changed, and how much he did for him. 
So as far as things went, they were great. Very much on similar pages, just, Steve didn’t know how similar. 
Especially as he sat there relaxed on the bed, eyes roaming over Eddie who was sat beside him, long fingers playing quietly on the guitar as if he was merely feeling the strings under his fingers. He was a sight for bloodshot eyes, pretty loose pieces of hair falling from the bun on the top of his head, wearing a cut-off shirt and beautifully unashamed of his scars- because he’s with Steve.
Eddie once said to him, a night where he had gut wrenchingly poured his heart out to Eddie about Nancy and somehow trailing into how he falls in love too easy, that one of his strongest powers is his ability to love and to be loved, no one looks so good loved, no one loves another person like Steve Harrington does. 
‘You put your whole force, your whole body into it, Steve and, I-I don’t think you should ever feel ashamed of that. It’s- because it’s a privilege to be loved by you and anyone fuckin’ blind enough not to see that doesn’t deserve Steve Harrington.’
And Eddie was right. There was no denying in Steve’s history of loves, that he didn’t fall head first and over heels when it came to certain people. And whether Steve denies it or not, not- he’s trying to grow or whatever, those loves haven’t been exclusive to one gender. It’s a part of him he knew and could ignore because it came up and then it didn’t; it’s come up again recently though. 
Steve sort of had a plan, distant and vague but there were bullet points floating around the same place. But what with the fact that his mind was just watching the metalhead across from him, the plan didn’t seem necessary. Because Steve knew that whatever way he went around this, Eddie wouldn’t run. Yes, Eddie likes to play the ‘I’m a coward’ card far too often but he knows Eddie like nothing else. Like he can feel the fibres of his soul like he can feel the strings on his guitar, Steve might have found his compass but Eddie had too. 
He lets his judgment of Eddies reaction sink in, it calmed him even more but at the back of the mind he could feel that thrum. That electric vibration when he looked too long, when he daydreamed a little too far. He never let himself act on it, unconsciously aware of when it wasn’t exactly the time. However now seems too apt to neglect, warm honey sunshine illuminating the room, highlighting his subject, small sounds deft fingers pluck from the strings. He waits until Eddie turns to him, stretching out his arm which catches Eddie’s periphery. 
His lips turn up and the sight of a tanned hand dusting across his leg, turning to look at Steve as he speaks, “Can I help you, Harrington?” 
Steve can hear the smile in his words and looks up from resting on his other folded arm, peeking through his tired hair, “Nah, just wanted to look at you.” As if that wasn’t what he’d been doing for the better part of an hour. 
But it elicits a softened giggle from his friend, dimples showing an appearance which puts a glow within Steve. “Very smooth, yeah-yeah,” he rests the guitar at the end of the bed and repositions so he faces him. 
They dissolve into small talk as Eddie has a little ramble about this new record store opening a couple miles away and Steve listens and resolves to drive them both there at the end of the week. Steve is thinking he’s going to have to use a tried-and-true line to get Eddie on his specific page (Page 201: holy fuck I have never wanted to fuck make love to a man more.) but he sees an opportunity.
Eddie is talking about him having an awful taste in music, although he will keep to himself how much he has done listening research into Steve’s taste and recommendations and has on occasion chose to listen to some, and he ends the sentence on “it’s what I keep telling you, pretty boy.”
It’s one of those nicknames that doesn’t fail to make Steve flush and take some deep breaths, so what if he’s a slut for praise? 
“Do you think I’m pretty?”
Eddie does a double take, not expecting Steve’s reply, “Uh, yeah of course. You’re pretty.” 
Steve picks up on of Eddie’s hands, starts playing around with his rings, ever slowly bringing him closer and it works like putting ice next to fire, he warms. Both of their eyes are focused on their tangled hands, until Eddie says, “You’ve got a pretty face.”
It’s Steve’s turn to grin, his lips split like they’re trying to fight a beam and Eddie cocks his head questioningly, it’s a dangerous glint in Steve’s eye. 
“Sit on it then.” 
And it takes Eddie a second, instinctually fighting the urge to laugh until he sees the true meaning in his green speckled eyes- oh he’s dead serious.
And Eddie’s not exactly in a position to act like he is any way inclined to turn down the offer, because that would imply, he isn’t completely and utterly desperate and head over heels for Harrington. But if you ever asked Eddie to describe himself he’d say freak, then coward and how the actual fuck is he meant to look The Steve Harrington in his shimmering stupid hazel eyes and confirm how much he would very much like to sit on his perfect, sculpted by the gods, face. 
Steve knows all this, he always knew it wouldn’t be a smooth conversation when he tried to convince Eddie how much he wants him, Eddie’s hands had floated away from Steve’s ever so slightly so Steve gently brings them back towards himself. The touch seems to bring him back down to himself and hazel eyes watch as pink fills Eddie’s cheeks, his hair is acting as a curtain around his face which is locked onto the soft gestures Steve is performing on him. 
He rubs his thumb up and down the brunette’s palm and speaks in a low tone, “Of course, there is no pressure. We can smoke another and pretend I didn’t say anything or you can kick me out right now,” Eddie tightens his hold on Steve’s fingers, and Steve breathes any of the fear off of his back, “but I also want to say,” he sits up and makes sure Eddie makes eye contact, “how badly I want it. And you.”
Eddie swallows, well shit. How many times does he need to internally tell his body to breathe normally until it listens?
He must be in a different universe because normally he’d be out the door as if he’d run out of smokes but he is resolutely sat. The thing is, Eddie isn’t blind, and he also thinks very highly of his friends, so he occasionally takes what they say on board; all of this means he has perhaps noticed a connection between Steve’s recent behaviour and what his friends have been saying for the past couple weeks, but if you asked Eddie what was more likely he’d have bet on Vecna coming back before he accepted Steve’s feelings for him.
Too many times has there been connection that led to nothing more than a split lip and a black eye and whilst there in so fibre in his body that could be convinced Steve would do something like that, he is scared of rejection. 
But it looks like he has no choice, because he’s never been very good at saying no and you’re telling him he’s meant to argue with the biggest puppy dog eyes on the most earnest face?  He has to accept the reality that Steve Harrington wants to fuck Eddie Munson. 
Jesus Christ. 
“So, you’re telling me I’ve had the worst luck for the first 22 years of my life and all of my good luck was saving up for this very moment, because that’s the only explanation.” He’s making jokes but his body language is loosening, although his thighs are tightening, and Steve chuckles at the joke before replying.
“It could be luck, or it could be the fact that I’ve been wanting to ask you out for weeks and only now saw an opening?” he tilts his head sheepishly and Eddie whacks him just to do something with the energy that’s starting to thrum through his limbs. “So?”
Eddie has never wanted anything in his life like he wants Steve Harrington in that moment. He gives it a moment of thought before throwing pretence out the window and pulling Steve’s lips to his with hands cradling his strong jaw. 
Steve smiles into the kiss initially until it unravels quickly into something deeper. Eddie licks into Steve’s mouth until he welcomes it in. It’s wet and dirty but they’ve both been waiting fucking months for just something and finally the band has snapped, it’s raw and peaceful with their contrasting grips, one half-certain that cradles and smooths over and one that’s screaming in the fabric of a shirt because it’s been longing and craving something ever so specific from an even more specific person. Both grips are pulling and pushing with the same force of love.
Their lips don’t leave each other, but they adjust. Steve smooths his hands from the front of Eddie’s shirt and swim around his waist, regretfully gentle with his movements he moves the brunette to straddle him. 
Eddie goes easy and practically blankets onto Steve, the grip he had on his jaw settling into the locks of hair. He experimentally pulls and the noise that Steve lets out; Eddie’s sorry he was muffling it, what with his tongue tracing patterns over every corner of Steve’s mouth. 
He leans up, “So, you like your hair being pulled huh?” below him Steve is glassy eyed and pink cheeked, chest rising heavily underneath Eddies hand. “Hm? Nothing to say for yourself, Harrington?” he leans down and lets the tip of his tongue trace over Steve’s open bottom lip. “Guess the real question is, are you a freak, Steve?” and he pulls on Steve’s hair to get his answer. 
Steve’s hips jump and Eddie watches as his eyes roll. Eddie grinds down onto Steve’s very hard dick (he still can’t believe this is real) and he listens to the whorish moan Steve lets out and at the sound can feel himself getting so wet it’s dripping down his thighs. 
“Guess I got my answer,” Eddie grins at Steve who just smiles dopily back. 
Steve seems to gain some more consciousness when Eddie gets off of his lap, he blinks and his brows furrow in the middle. 
Eddie says, “Here’s your answer.” And starts to strip off his jeans and boxers until he’s back in the newly familiar seat of Steve’s lap and is pushing him on his back. 
Steve pretty much logged off once he understood what Eddie’s answer was. Absolutely out of office, we’re talking static noise playing in his brain every time more pale, tattooed and bare, gorgeous skin was revealed. There might be drool on his chest and his dick is so hard, he’s got far too much blood rushing down there rather than up. 
“Fuck,” it’s the first thing Steve has said in more than twenty minutes, and it comes out like gravel. 
“You okay, Stevie?” poor Eddie has genuine concern in his eyes as if Steve isn’t just so painfully turned on by him. 
He puts his hands on Eddies bare thighs, tries not to focus on that too much or it simply will be over before it’s started, and takes a moment before he replies “Yeah I’m great, uh- trust me, I’m just… like I’m just really fucking turned on,” Eddie’s eyes open so wide it’s almost comical but Steve carries on, “it’s just a lot cause I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone so bad.” He trails off. 
Not smooth, Steve. 
But Eddie lets it wash over him, takes it in his stride and runs his hands up and down Steve’s chest, “Well should we get started?” he lets a smile slip and suddenly he’s being pulled up and one of his hands lands on his headboard, the other in Steve’s hair. 
It’s a second of mortifying emotion ,because he’s naked over someone’s face, until Steve moans to himself and Eddie gets it. Steve starts low and glides up towards Eddie’s dick, and just envelopes it in tight, hot suction and the whole time he’s whining like someone’s giving him head.
Eddie’s noises are no better, it starts of as light gasps as Steve traces every inch of him, like he’s desperate to make a mental map and with Steve’s explorations Eddie’s mind is dripping out of his ears. The sounds of Steve’s movements is gross and addictive and its turning Eddie on, the fact that it’s both of them making this musical cacophony in his room.
His mane of hair is tipped back, long throat exposed leading to the full lips that can’t get a moment of reprieve from letting out groans and whimpers from the heavenly assault on his cunt. He’s trembling and his cropped shirt is rubbing on his nipples which just makes his hole clench more.
Eddie obviously knew of Steve’s reputation but at this moment he’s thinking his reputation wasn’t nearly generous enough because he can’t imagine there is another soul in the world that gives head like Steve. It’s minutes in and Eddie is already close. All of Steve’s movement is fuelled by enjoyment and there is no denying how much he’s getting off on doing this, his jeans causing friction like he’s edging himself. 
The hands on Eddie’s hips force him to rock down and when Steve’s nose catches on Eddie’s dick he sees stars, galaxies from the sensation so he chases it- uses the hand in Steve’s hair to pull him around how he wants and as he predicted, Steve loved it. 
His tongue had been delving into Eddie’s hole, drinking everything Eddie’s giving him and he’s soaked. The whole half of his face is wet and sticky and he doesn’t know how he’s going to stop. When he feels the tingling pain from his friends hand his moans vibrate into him and the hairy legs around his head move to clench around his head but retreat at the last second. 
Steve can’t have that. 
He lays his tongue out flat and sits it underneath Eddie’s dick, barely there pressure until Eddie lets his weight rest and then its intense-
“Ohfuckingshit- Steve,” Eddie’s head drops, and they make eye contact which just makes him squirm more. He’s practically wiggling out of Steve’s hold yet never going far enough his hands abandon their grip. 
Steve can see the flushed points on Eddies skin, the curls sticking to his head and he can taste the endless flow of slick into his mouth, but he knows Eddie wants Steve to give him everything. And Steve wouldn’t usually do this, but maybe there’s a part of him that is using his knowledge of Eddie’s kinks against him, but he pushes two fingers, which is just on the right side of too much, into Eddie’s hole and it makes Eddie’s back bow and he comes immediately. 
Squirting over Steve’s face and Steve’s fingers are being tightened around forcefully. 
Eddie has never experienced an orgasm that powerful and if he had any thoughts at all he’d be a bit sad he hasn’t done it to himself, but fortunately the only thing in his mind is the word ‘Steve’ and all focus is on the feeling of his fingers hitting that spot inside of him hard.
Steve rubs mercilessly at his inner walls until Eddie tries to stand to get away, all the while moaning and pulling on the brown strands in-between his fingers. 
“Jesus fuck,” his voice rough and pitchy. His eyes roll as Steve retracts his fingers and leave with a kiss on his twitching dick. “You’re evil.”
They both look wrecked. 
With the help of Steve, Eddie lays back on his bed and watches his legs shake. There isn’t a strand of Steve’s hair in the right place and he has the remanents of Eddie on his neck and jaw. Their chests rise in a synchronised deepness, the room reeks of sex and weed. Outside the sun is starting to set. 
Steve speaks first, “So,” which doesn’t really count a speaking first. 
Eddie grins and Steve turns his body onto its side so he can appreciate it. He gazes at the bump in Eddie’s nose and the euphoria in Eddie’s eyes. 
“You make me come so hard I’m about to start a cult worshipping you, and all you have to say is ‘So?” he does the ‘so’ in his ‘Steve’ voice which sounds far too much like a fuckboy frat boy and it makes Steve cry laugh all the time. 
Today is no different, Steve lets out a cackle and it eases the inevitable tightness in both their chests. After that they flit from certain inside jokes they’ve adopted and created over the past months, which are the same months that lead to this. And when they settle down and adjust to the situation, remembering that they’re in Eddie’s bed having just had sex after being friends for a 8 heated months. 
“So,” Eddie slaps his chest, “I-I was just about to carry on! Come on man,” their giggles die down and Steve takes on of Eddie’s hands in his, partly because it’s to comfort Eddie and partly because he feels like he can now, “I was thinking that maybe tomorrow we could go and get breakfast somewhere,”
“Are you asking me on a date, Harrington? After you ate me out?” he smirks down at Steve’s sheepish face and kisses him softly before saying, “I would love to go on a date with you Steve.” 
 / Fin. / 
83 notes · View notes
anime-allover · 1 year
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Still the same| Kokichi
Angst to fluff, Gender neutral, spoilers to chapter 4
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You listened to Kokichi. You listened to his confusing words. He wants to see the motive, he wants to know the motive. You're the only person that knows him more than anybody in this game but at the same time, in the back of your mind is doubting that if you actually know him. You're his s/o and you trust him even though he lies a lot. You blinked when you heard a punching sound. You came back to your senses when you saw an angry Kaito and a red mark on Kokichi's face. You can feel the anger boiling inside of you. You marched your way to Kaito. 
Shuichi looked at you confused. "Y/n?" Kaito turned away from Kokichi to look at you but you quickly punched him. You punched him so hard that your hand hurts really badly. Everyone looked at you in shock. Kaito coughed up blood. 
"Y/n what the hell was that for? Do you want to die?" Maki glared at you. You smiled at her and raised your hands up. 
"What the hell are you going to do?" You chuckled.
"Don't d-do it, Maki roll.." Kaito mumbled. "I let my emotions take over me."
"Kaito are you alright?" Shuichi ran over to him along with the others, except for you and Kokichi. You walked over to Kokichi and touched his face slightly. Kokichi didn't flinch. You sighed and grabbed his hand. 
"Come on, let's get your face fixed up." You slightly smiled at him. Kokichi didn't say anything. You stopped smiling and pulled him out of the dining hall. You took him into your dorm and let him sit on the couch. You quickly went into the bathroom and grabbed the first aid, that was when you started to hear giggling. 
You walked out of the bathroom and saw Kokichi giggling to himself. He turned his head to you. You saw the most wicked smile on his face. "Kokichi..?" 
"Oh come on Y/n. Don't tell me that you fell for that too." Kokichi's expression quickly changed into an angry one. "That damn bitch actually punched me!" Kokichi hits his hand onto the table in front of him. You flinched at the sound but tried to make it look like you didn't. 
'I'm not scared of him. He won't do anything to me… right?' Your grip on the first aid tightened as you scanned through your thoughts for reassurance but it was cut off when you only saw purple eyes. You let out a scream and backed away from him out of reflex. When you noticed it was just him you sighed. Kokichi smiled and walked closer to you.
"Don't tell me that you're scare-"
"No." You immediately answered. "No, I'm not scared of you. I will never be scared of you, m-maybe just a little but not fully…" you slid down to the floor and covered your face."I'm not scared, I'm not scared of you, I promise. I love you, even when you-" you felt a hand on your shoulder. You uncovered your face and saw Kokichi's concerned eyes. 
"Do you really think that I will hurt you?" Kokichi put both of his hands onto your face and smiled sweetly at you. "I will never hurt you Y/n, get that out of your head right now. I love you more than anything. More than seeing others in despair." Kokichi closed his eyes and sighed. "That was so cheesy." Kokichi quickly opened his eyes when he started to hear you giggling. He smiled and chuckled. "What so funny." 
"You're still my Kokichi." You smiled and leaned into his warm hands. 
"Well duh! Who said that I have changed." Kokichi leaned close to your face and gave your face a lot of kisses. You started to laugh as the kisses and his hair started to tickle you. 
"Ko-Kokichi! I get it!" Kokichi stopped and gave you the biggest grin. 
"Now you feel all better, can you fix my face for me?" You nodded your head and got up from the floor. Kokichi got up too and sat back down on the couch. You grabbed the first aid kit off of the floor and walked towards the couch. 
"So all of that you have just said wasn't a lie, right?" You opened the first aid. Kokichi playfully rolled his eyes. 
"Omigod, of course it wasn't. I have no reason to lie to you." 
"Just making sure, no need for you to be sassy with me." 
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Thank you for reading!!
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fandoms-in-law · 5 months
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I've seen so many posts I disagree with over different points about gender and the Doctor from yesterdays episode and it basically comes down to the way the Doctor presents does impact him a lot and he doesn't always remember that.
Until Thirteen the way the Doctor presented was male, his body always was, and that was what he was used to, the privileges that come from appearing male in a human world.
The Twelth Doctor knew this, knew times had changed, and especially in his time with the First Doctor the differences there were abundant, he'd progressed and yes, was beginning to feel himself above gender in the same way he's always held himself above humanity intelligence wise.
Then came Thirteen and the constant lessons over how being female limits, controls and dictates our lives. She called it an upgrade, just like Missy did if I recall correctly, but still expected to be treated the same. When that didn't happen she couldn't hold herself above gender because the times she went to, especially back in time, but often in the modern world too, gender presentation was put in her way.
The Doctor at the point of her regeneration was letting go, and had multiple times had to learn to accept things she didn't know, things she could know but also knew would hurt to learn, and has that pocket watch of who she is, given to the TARDIS. She let go of the need to know everything, understand everything.
And now the Fourteenth Doctor, The Tenth Doctor returns, and it's clear that he's not acting like a newly regenerated Doctor, no confusion, no figuring out who he is, and most importantly plenty of similarities to the Tenth Doctor. Hell the main change is he's more willing to say he loves someone which make sense. He regenerated after admitting to love Yaz.
But Ten doesn't let go.
If the Tenth Doctor went through the things the Thirteenth Doctor has he'd have opened the pocket watch. He wouldn't have accepted a history he doesn't know, not with the answers right there.
You could point at River and his meeting of her to argue that, but Thirteen dealt with an unknown past, not an unknown future.
Donna and Rose's talk about letting go is reminding him of the scenes he lived immediately before regenerating, of how she let herself go for the next person to come. That's what they did too, except they let go of power, she let go of the family she had been chasing and clinging to through her series.
And the Tenth Doctor was the Doctor who built himself a family, even when he left them behind afterwards. Donna spoke about visiting, coming for coffee, almost like the Eleventh did with Rory and Amy, and then with Clara, then Twelth sort of managed with Bill.
Donna and Rose took on the Doctor's up to date memories by how they spoke but they know more than ever that the Doctor is a different person between generations. And this Doctor doesn't understand letting go a lot of the time, only understand major goodbyes so she asks for visits even while it's clear she doesn't believe he'll do them.
Personality not gender is focused on in both these comments.
And the Fourteenth Doctor is already focusing on questions, demanding or constantly bringing up the need for answers over why this face has returned. He's not accepting it, not letting it go.
I got sidetracked a little here, but it comes down to, the Fourteenth Doctor isn't acting like a new regeneration, he knows who he was when he had this face before and is trying to fit that mindset, while being surprised by the things he's learnt in the meantime having changed him showing in his personality too.
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Searching For Former Clarity (Against Me!)
And in the journal you kept by the side of your bed/You wrote nightly an aspiration of developing as an author/Confessing childhood secrets of dressing up in women's clothes/Compulsions you never knew the reasons to/Will everyone you ever meet or love/Be just a relationship based on a false presumption?/Despite everyone you ever meet or ever love/In the end, will you be all alone?
"Searching for a Former Clarity is about the process of dying. It's the closing track to the album, and it shares a theme with the opening track, but while Miami uses disease and dying as a way to talk about the city metaphorically, Searching for a Former Clarity is much more personal. It's also partly autobiographical. Laura Jane Grace wouldn't come out for another seven years, although if I'm remembering right she was convinced that this song would immediately out her to everyone. (I could be thinking of a different song from the same era. It's kind of a running theme in her music.) A while back I saw an old video of her performing this song, when it was still new and she still wasn't out. It felt wrong to see that version of her, honestly (I'm old enough that I should have been a fan in the 2000s but I'd never heard of Against Me until a couple years ago), but it also amazes me just how much *better* she looks now. She looked so much older then, and unbelievably more miserable, than she does now. I hate that she had to live like that for so long, but I think about that contrast every time I hear the song now. Honestly, with that in mind, I never want to hear anyone saying shit about how they are glad someone suffered so that they could Make Art(TM) about it. Fuck that. Don't get me wrong, I love this song and most of Against Me's discography, but I'd willingly give all of it up if it could somehow retroactively mean that Laura Jane Grace didn't have to have the shitty life experiences that led to it. Yes, a lot of art comes from suffering, but people shouldn't have to fucking suffer for art. I've had some experiences lately that forced me to think about my mortality a bit more seriously than usual. If I died today, there would be an extensive record of my gender, and my complex feelings about gender, on various mostly anonymous twitter and tumblr and reddit accounts. If I died today, nobody who knows me would know the name I chose for myself. Not that I'm a historical figure (I'd probably be entirely forgotten in a decade tbh) but speculation about my gender would be *at most* someone's conspiracy theory based on poorly-sourced and badly-interpreted speculation. I'd be buried as a man, I'd be remembered as a man, I'd be forgotten as a man. That was my choice. I have my reasons for making it. I don't know if it is right or wrong or even if the concepts of "right" and "wrong" are the right ones to use when thinking about it. I'm still going to have feelings about it every chance I get. Searching for a Former Clarity is a pretty good way to get them. Emma. That is the name that I chose."
Am I Awake (They Might Be Giants)
When I get through this part/Will the next one be the same/Will I be wondering/If I'm awake?/These are not the clothes I had on when I went to bed/And something else besides my hair is growing from my head/And when I close my eyes it looks the same as when I open them again/Am I awake?
"Man I don't know what exactly about this song gets me so hard but it just makes me wanna get up and stim and think about my blorbos and their trauma. it also just speaks to me as a person with memory and identity issues, it really outlines the dissociation and confusion i feel when i don't remember something and/or can't grasp what i'm feeling. it also has a sort of inception vibe to it? or maybe groundhog day? The strange vocal samples and frantic drums and fast bpm with the really slow vocals on top is just soooo good. really really good song"
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bigbroadvice · 26 days
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Hi, I want to preface this with the fact I was raised in a conservative home, homeschooled, and very .. insulated from people I guess. My first public schooling experience was college and I only made a few friends I kept at arms length for a while. So I don’t know a ton of people.
I have recently been questioning a lot about politics and religion and science (I was never taught about evolution either and am just now learning about it) and I am .. questioning LGBT stuff and I was wondering if you know of studies proving LGBT identities? Or evidence for them? I was raised being told they just didn’t exist and the idea that they could be real is .. I guess amazing to me. I’m so sorry if this sounds cruel at all. I support and love my LGBT friends, I just don’t understand if there’s any science or proof behind it and .. I’m kind of questioning if I’m LGBT too but I really need evidence or I know I’ll never be accepted by my family. Are there studies proving people can be born gay or trans? Or anything else? Something like that? I’ve found studies looking at trans brains that look promising and the hemispheres and hypothalamus of gay and lesbian people but idk if there’s anything else.. thank you in advance.
Sorry this took so long to respond. I felt like I needed to do some research for it but I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water with college work.
Don’t worry, this is a perfectly valid question given where you’re coming from and that’s exactly what I’m here for, all the questions you’re not sure who else to ask.
Honestly, it sounds like you’re already doing a really thourough job researching, in fact I’d love to see what you’ve found. I’m not sure what kind of scientific proof I could find for you that LGBT people are real. It’s like finding research that proves the sun is real. Of course it is, it’s right there. Queer people are everywhere and always have been.
But I understand that you were raised in an environment that went to great lengths to deny that reality. I was also homeschooled in a very conservative home and while they couldn’t outright deny the existence of queer people because I had some access to the outside world and knew I myself was queer, they did try their very hardest to explain it away as something you get infected with, confusion, a choice, and/or sin.
I don’t know all the science behind why people are queer, I just know that they are and there’s no changing it. Some people are naturally attracted to another sex, and some people are naturally attracted to the same one. Some people have always felt comfortable in the gender they were assigned at birth, and some people never have and never will. People will try to tell you that can be changed, but it can’t. They used to try to medicate it like a disees but all that did was make people depressed or feel nothing at all, not start feeling attraction for the opposite sex.
Growing up, they told me that if I prayed enough and did all the right things I could stop being queer if I wanted it enough. Well, I’m here to tell you that’s a lie. I went though years of conversion therapy and am still just as queer as I’ve always been. No amount of bible verses and earnest pleading prayers and counseling sessions and exorcisms was able to make that go away, it just made life miserable.
The only choice involved in being LGBT is weather you choose to love or hate yourself for it. It’s not going away, so you can either choose to live in shame and keep yourself from things that would make you happy, or you can embrace it and live freely.
If you’re looking for more avenues to research, I’d recommend queer history. It’s really eye opening seeing how queer people have always existed in every time period and every culture, through persecution and celebration. We have been and always will be here for as long as humanity is, because we’re an inextricable part of it.
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crownedinmarigolds · 10 months
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The Stakebait Coterie! Khloe and her boys are out there saving the Atlanta Waterbloods or get Final Death'd trying! (I'll type it all beneath the cut because I know.. my handwriting)
The main characters of the Poisoned Peach - ATL by Night chronicle my beloved is running for me! Khloe is my character, and the boys are my unbeatably dope team.
Name: Khloe Mariah Osbourne
Born: 05/04/1993, Embraced: 2022 by a Ventrue, came out Thinblood, Physical Age: 29
Height: 5'5", Hair: Dark Brown, Eyes: Hazel, Gender: Miss (She/Her), Nationality: American
Likes: Coffee, True Crime, Tabletop RPGs, Being a Minx, Staying Busy
Dislikes: Disappointing Others, Being Unprepared, Not knowing what's up, Her body, Tiktok-Style Ads
A little history: Khloe grew up the only child of very normal people who nastily divorced when she graduated high school. An avid reader and over-thinker, Khloe has immersed herself in many fantasy worlds and strategy games to the point where she seems to think of everything. A people pleaser who has a lot of good acquaintances yet no friends, the lack of companionship was hard-felt when COVID rolled around and kept everyone inside. Had a few partners, though none lasted. One night after visiting her mother, she found herself on a backroad all alone, save for the oncoming headlights that may be straying in her lane. (Where the Poisoned Peach begins!)
Name: Kyle Johnson
Born: 2/3/1994, Embraced: 2020, Sire unknown, but came out Thinblood, Physical Age: 26
Height: 5’10", Hair: N/A, Eyes: Sexy-Boy Brown, Gender: More man than your man (He/Him), Nationality: American
Likes: Feeling needed and helping others, Parties, Drinking cocktails with stupid names, Reasonable reactions.
Dislikes: Being late, people that CAN help and just don't, the MINIONS, Improperly labelled content warnings.
History: His mom was a nurse, her mom was a nurse, and so on. His sisters didn’t want to carry on the tradition, so he decided to go into the medical field himself as an EMT. The stress of the job brought on early balding, but he thrived both on the clock and in the club. One night, he drank a few too many and he woke up in a dumpster the next night, completely clueless. The sunlight began to hurt, nothing sat right in his stomach. Everything was the same yet all so different, better and worse. He spiraled, confused and depressed, until the Dusk Angel found him and helped him come to terms with his new existence. Now Kyle proudly helps the Thinblood Revolution as a kind face to help ease the new blood in, just as he had been.
Name: Randolph "Ralph" Gaylord King III
Born: 10/09/1996, Embraced: 2021 by a Nosferatu, came out Thinblood, Physical Age: 25
Height: 6'5" (Even pre-Embrace, him just big), Hair: Brown (Has to shave the remnants every evening, used to be long and thick and in a man-bun), Eyes: Yellow-Orange (Brown pre-Embrace), Gender: BOI (He/Him), Nationality: American
Likes: Guns, Bad Jokes, Strategy Games, Annoying Christian, Being a right menace
Dislikes: Himself :(, Whiny people, Beer, Signs with sayings meant to be taken serious.
Some Background: Born in St. Louis Missouri, Ralph had a pretty standard lower middle class upbringing. He followed his father and older brother and joined the army when he turned 18 right out of high school. Years of prep and hard work paid off as he went through candidate courses, eventually making it into Special Forces. His career was short-lived however after losing his right foot on his first deployment. Depression and dead-end jobs seemed to be his future until as a joke he started posting thirst-traps on social media, but it got real when his follower count spiked and sponsors started making offers. He was thrown into the life of an Insta-Thot - specifically Fitness Inspo - ultimately landing him in a party in Atlanta, Georgia, where his soon to be sire, Bill - a jealous and spiteful Nosferatu - lurked. Ralph was alone as he stumbled to his hotel room, and Bill could contain his hate no longer. To him, Ralph deserved to be as ugly on the outside as Bill thought he had to be on the inside. Little did Bill know, he messed with the wrong guy.
(Not written due to lack of room, we clearly don't play favorites here...) Eventually found in the sewers by the Dusk Angel, Ralph now serves in the Thinblood revolution, using every skill he's acquired in order to get revenge against the Fullbloods.
Name: Christian Ottavio
Born: 01/16/1989, Embraced: 2017, Gangrel sire but came out Thinblood, Physical Age: A rough 28
Height: 6'1", Hair: Dark Brown, Eyes: Brown, Gender: The MAN (He/Him), Nationality: American
Likes: Beer, Relaxing nights spent inside, Napping, His truck
Dislikes: His family, Wearing tight jeans, Bro-Country music, Fullbloods
A bit of background: Born and bred in Georgia into a rich family with ideals he couldn't wrap his head around. Went into the workforce at a young age in an effort to escape them and be on his own. He's had to sleep in his truck many a night, but eventually got everything together enough to get a roof over his head. That was until some uppity lick decided to draft him into the army of the damned during the Atlanta Sabbat civil war. He was one of many forced to fight during the schism, and one of the few to come out "alive." Before his sire could take him behind the proverbial tool shed, Christian was saved by the Dusk Angel, and now is a proud Thinblood freedom fighter.
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touchmycoat · 10 months
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fake white lotus AU pt. 3a
(had birthday dinner w family and went absolutely bonkers. So here's 3k of SY angry-ranting about fake!qijiu)
CW: canon-typical violence & child slavery/abuse
Once upon a time, there was a kingdom and a regime. The emperor of the regime, as was an emperor’s wont, sired dozens of children with gratuitous amounts of beautiful women and left all the women and children in a sequestered harem to main and kill and battle each other for spots of favor. Infants were poisoned in the womb. Faces that were once touted as the most beautiful of entire provinces were torn to shreds and fed to dogs. Concubines and crown princes alike rose and fell.
A number that no longer mattered was seven because at this point in the plot, the Seventh Prince had long since gotten rid of one through six—and also eight through fifteen for that matter. The Seventh Prince was no longer the seventh of anything; he was now the Crown Prince. But once, long ago, he hadn’t wanted the crown at all. He had been so far down the line, his mother dead and unfavored, that he thought he never stood a chance.
Then there was a kidnapping. A fumbled escape. Then there was a prince among the beggars in a slum, unfamiliar with everything except the heavy weight of awaiting death in all these people’s eyes.
And then there was the Protagonist.
All in all, Shen Yuan gave this Meet Cute-slash-Meet Awful a five out of ten for originality and a seven (six-point-five?) for execution. The backstory itself was neither special nor cliched, and seeing baby-Qi and baby-Jiu roughing it was effectively heartbreaking. Shen Yuan liked their thematically matching names. He liked Shen Jiu’s youthful effort at kindness. He liked the surprising depiction of Yue Qi as not a useless flower vase with nothing but annoying platitudes, but rather a boy who caught on quickly to the rhythm of survival because he was already used to it in the palace. He liked the stakes of Yue Qi not telling Shen Jiu his princely identity, first because he was wary of further betrayal, and then later because he didn’t want Shen Jiu to push him away for his royal status.
But what did Shen Yuan not like?
Oh not much. Just, like, everything after that.
The problem with Yue Qingyuan was that the author got all wishy-washy. The prince wasn’t laundry, Author-dada, so stop dumping him in the spin cycle! He was coming out each time all confused and inconsistent! Was he clever enough to take out all the other princes in the running for the throne or was he an idiot, blind to the most Basic™ of political intrigue tropes and needing Shen Jiu running to his aid at all times? Was he camped out in the angsting corner and self-sacrificing to a fault or did he kabedon Shen Jiu when the passion arose?? Did he take over the country because he was filled with idealism and determination to abolish the slavery and poverty that he couldn’t save the love of his life from or because he was a black lotus in his own right, matching Shen Jiu beat for beat in his quest for vengeance, getting back what he believed he was owed?!
Oh what was that, haters? Shen Yuan was being unfair? It didn’t have to be one way or another, Shen Yuan was not taking the author’s characterizations at face value and was instead projecting his own desires? Shen Yuan should just write his own Mary Sue self-insert if he wanted the Protagonist so badly?
Wrong! An offensively incorrect misdiagnosis! Shen Yuan knew all about false binaries, okay? There were more than two genders; ipso facto, Yue Qi could be both smart and an idiot, both self-sacrificing and self-serving.
—Like hell! There was a line here, one between having the cake and eating it too. The author wanted to eat the cake of the doting Gege-type, hiding his feelings behind a comforting smile because he only wanted Xiao Jiu to be happy, then there wasn’t going to be the same cake waiting in the fridge, this time with I should take this opportunity to kill all the competition filling inside! Fans weren’t your unpaid interns combing out your character kinks for you (in every sense of the word). Make it! Make! Sense!
But Shen Yuan may have digressed. The point was, Shen Yuan had the Crown Prince coming over for some afternoon tea yet had little idea which version of the character he was going to get. He’d tried to ask Ming Fan before Ming Fan left, all meaningful looks and trailing off:
So my last encounter with the Crown Prince…
To which Ming Fan had winced and found a far, faraway tree to squint philosophically at.
Surely the Crown Prince is a gentleman, and has long-since forgotten the incident.
Oh so now this comic knew how to do effective foreshadowing?!
Do you think he might—? Shen Yuan had pressed, at which point Ming Fan’s gaze had slipped over to Shen Jiu before—
Hurry up! We’re leaving!
Qing-gege ah! How could you do this to your Qing-didi?! And then shoot such an aggro glare before galloping off in a cloud of dust? Didn’t you know to never leave family and loved ones on a sour note? This was the perfect set-up for you to return to a burned down husk of a house and a remaining lifetime’s supply of regrets that you never told them you loved them, don’t you know! You foolish tragic hero!
…Not to jinx himself or anything, knock on wood. But who could Shen Yuan ask now to prepare himself? Not Shen Jiu—at least, not after the totally-not-tense, haha-of-course-not-why-would-you-even-think-there-was-tension-here conversation Shen Jiu and Luo Binghe decided to have, some days after Liu Qingge’s departure and the day before the Crown Prince’s visit.
Young Master Shen! Shall I prepare some desserts for you and your guest tomorrow?
That would be lovely Binghe, thank you.
It would be my honor. Attendant Shen, what are the Crown Prince’s preferred flavors?
…How would a common servant like myself know?
Oh my mistake. I just thought I heard a story in the market about Attendant Shen being called to wait on the Crown Prince at a prior banquet or some such.
(What the hell Binghe, jealousy this early in your courtship?? Take it from an old man: that wasn’t a cute look! Shen Jiu didn’t owe you anything, so don’t go taking a dip in the vinegar vat just because Shen Jiu poured a guy’s tea one time!)
Had Young Master Shen also been in attendance?
Hm, I forget. But I’m sure the Crown Prince will love the berry dessert you made yesterday as much as I did. Will Binghe get more ingredients for those?
Certainly Young Master Shen! I’ll go right now!
(Ah but who could blame a once-enslaved half-demon for being less-than-well-adjusted? Have no fear, your devoted reader was here! Love Doctor—or, no, gross, ew, let’s workshop that—was his name, matchmaking was his game!)
Attendant Shen, maybe you can accompany him?
Oh I’m sure that’s not nece—
For what?
(You roll around in ink you got up black—a.k.a. Jiu-ge, keep hanging out with Liu Qingge and you’d end up only knowing how to speak in gruff demands!)
Well Binghe’s new to our Estate. If you show him around town I’m sure no one will give him trouble.
I wouldn’t want to take Attendant Shen from his duties—
I’ve wrapped up my duties. Certainly I can accompany him, Young Master Shen.
(Score! All aboard the Bingjiu train!)
Only, I can’t do my hair up properly.
(Blink. Blink blink. Right, the arm injury. Shen Jiu had honestly looked so natural with his hair down, gathered back at the nape of his neck with only a strip of ribbon that Shen Yuan had completely forgotten it wasn’t his typical neat and classy half-bun.)
Oh sure, let me—
This servant can do it!
(Great, now what the heck was this development?! Shen Jiu going tense? So sure, yes, Luo Binghe had been the one to deal him the injury but were they running the trauma storyline now? Regroup Shen Yuan, regroup. Obviously this was where Young Master Shen insisted on doing up Shen Jiu’s hair right in front of Luo Binghe, and Luo Binghe would be angry-mad-jealous except he knew he didn’t deserve Shen Jiu’s trust, not after losing control of his demon form and injuring Shen Jiu the morning after he arrived. Therefore on their trip out to market Luo Binghe would keep his distance and the tension would be rising—until bam! Shen Jiu was suddenly in grave physical danger (a runaway carriage was always a cheap classic here) and Luo Binghe would leap into action! Luo Binghe would return to his distance once the danger had passed but now Shen Jiu would know those demonic hands that had once hurt him were actually capable of protection and warmth, okay okay Shen Yuan you’re doing fine, you’re still on track here.)
I’ve got it. Attendant Shen’s been trying to teach me how to do this pin for ages, anyhow.
Time to see if Young Master Shen has the talent to be a personal attendant.
Right, so there was that whole conversation, plus or minus Shen Yuan getting to brush and handle Shen Jiu’s Protagonist hair on his Protagonist nape (and no Shen Yuan was not getting a bite of that tofu—Shen Jiu murmured something about it being hot outside! Shen Yuan had to get the hair off his neck!). Luo Binghe had put Shen Jiu on the defensive so Shen Yuan hardly expected Shen Jiu to be open to a sleepover type of heart-to-heart, all so what do you think the Crown Prince is like as a person? Like, is he the forgiving sort? Will he let the Young Master he believes has been systematically ruining his beloved’s life go unpunished for those sins? El oh el, asking for a friend. All Shen Yuan had to go on was Ming Fan’s foreshadowing, Luo Binghe’s street gossip, and of course the holy fucking doctrine of the original comic.
In the original comic, Shen Jiu and Yue Qi reunite one warm spring night. Shen Jiu had been making a last-minute delivery of live pigs and Yue Qingyuan had been escaping the royal banquet; it was the night of the Crown Prince’s engagement to the Young Master of the great merchant House of Shen and Shen Jiu, caked in a day’s worth of livestock grime, stumbled upon Yue Qingyuan hiding in the back garden.
Shen Jiu, who had agreed to come in the first place in order to seek out potential connections, put on his best customer service smile and called out, pardon this servant Young Master, but we’re to close the backdoors behind us. Will you reenter the banquet so this servant can lock up?
And Yue Qingyuan, who had shot up the moment he sensed another’s presence intrude on his woeful solitude, yes, yes of course, I apologize for getting in your—Xiao Jiu?
…Qi-ge?
And the rest was history…more like shitstory! To be fair, the primary reason it was so bad was because Shen Yuan knew it could’ve been so good. As a wise woman once sang, we could’ve had it all!
Shen Jiu and Yue Qi’s reunion in the garden revealed the circumstances of their separation: that Yue Qi had been entirely ready to give up palace life and stay in the streets, picking up small jobs and here and there and waiting by the Qiu Estate’s backdoor at sunset, hoping to catch Shen Jiu on his way to do evening chores and give Shen Jiu a little candied snack or two. The more Yue Qi saw Shen Jiu though, the more he saw Shen Jiu injured, coming out of the Qiu Estate limping, bandaged, bloodied.
It hardly took a genius to understand, but what were two helpless children to do? Uh, plan a murder, was what. Or at least an escape with a side order of murder, extra red sauce. Shen Jiu wanted out and Yue Qi’s resume had under Work Experience years spent dodging assassination attempts; the two kids quickly hatched a plot involving fire, stabbing, and a small stash of money Yue Qi managed to put away.
Too bad that, when the day of the scheduled escape came, Yue Qi was recognized by a distant cousin’s uncle’s cousin, who wanted to bring him back to the palace not out of the kindness of her heart but as a bargaining chip. Yue Qi ran for it, heading straight to Shen Jiu to warn his best friend that the plan was off. Shen Jiu made the call to stay the course since the plan involved them both fleeing town anyways. But nothing lined up, the traps didn’t spring to plan, and soon the cousin had Yue Qi and Qiu Jianluo had Shen Jiu. The last they saw each other was Shen Jiu slamming the estate doors shut between them, yelling for Qi-ge to go already, go get help, Shen Jiu would wait for him to return.
And of course Yue Qi wouldn’t, not until it was too late. Back in the palace he was tied up, gagged, drugged, caged. If you know what’s good for you, Concubine Lin had hissed, you’ll stop making such a ruckus and pretend you know nothing.
So Yue Qi did. He played the smiley cowardly idiot until all the factions in power finally left him alone. His first attempt to get information on Shen Jiu got an innocent servant boy set upon by hunting dogs and brutally killed; the boy had been a year younger than Shen Jiu, also enslaved, and Yue Qi wouldn’t try again for a year. By the time Yue Qi had amassed enough power of his own—by the time Yue Qingyuan had earned his name in his Imperial father’s eyes—to discretely send for intel, the Qiu Estate had been empty for months.
A mass execution, came the report from a neighbor, the dragon whiskers-candy stall Yue Qi used to buy Shen Jiu sweets from all the time. Nasty, nasty business. All the slaves dead because of one traitor. Young Master Qiu said he wanted a clean slate.
Yue Qingyuan would end up buying the old Qiu Estate and “accidentally” burning it to the ground, but it would only ever be a pitiful, futile gesture at vengeance. He couldn’t even find Young Master Qiu to exact vengeance because the entire Qiu merchant caravan had been slaughtered by robbers on some dangerous roads. Yue Qi finally had his hands on immeasurable power but it was all for naught—the one person he needed it to save was long dead, long gone.
…Or so he thought. Here we go live audience members, place your bets: how did the reunion go, between the Crown Prince who thought a slave dead and the slave who thought himself abandoned? Start things off with a slap? Yes! Ten points to the lady in the back! Shen Jiu, for all of his connivance and self-control, couldn’t help but go red in the eyes. Here was the boy he saved who promised to save him back but then didn’t. Here was the boy he cleaned and dressed now in the cleanest and finest dress of all. And here he was, holding the memory of Qi-ge so close to his heart as someone who did not deserve his lot in life. Well Shen Jiu was right—Yue Qingyuan did not fucking deserve this.
The gentleman in blue! What was that? Yue Qingyuan would not explain? Absolutely correct, you get ten points! In the face of Shen Jiu’s distress, no explanation for his prolonged absence seemed good enough, especially not now that Yue Qingyuan was well-fed and dolled up and so close to the seat of power. As far as he was concerned, he’d failed Shen Jiu; there was no fixing the past, only the things he could secure for Shen Jiu going forward. He would not be losing track of Shen Jiu again though, that he vowed. He may not be a hero, but he would never again not be there when Shen Jiu needed him.
Scholarly looking person in the front row! Hm, so you believed the best way to capitalize and build on the emotional valence here would be to keep Shen Jiu’s sense of betrayal, probably have Shen Jiu reveal he worked under the House of Shen and have Yue Qingyuan eagerly volunteer to aid in Shen Jiu’s cause? And that there would be something delicious and true about Shen Jiu being the fake white lotus to everybody but the Crown Prince, the most high stakes character you anticipated needed to be fake-white-lotused the most? Oof, unfortunately no points for you, because Shen Jiu actually decided to lovingly stroke Yue Qingyuan’s face after the slap and pivot into the but I know you must’ve had your reasons part of the script that nobody asked for or wanted! Like what even was the point of setting up the perceived betrayal then, hah?!
Emo-styling person with the cat ears, what do you have to say? Perhaps that was Shen Jiu deciding to fake-white-lotus Yue Qingyuan as well, and maybe there was something to be salvaged in the one-way mirror setup of Shen Jiu thinking he’d successfully fooled Yue Qingyuan with his white lotus persona but Yue Qingyuan actually seeing the most ruthless and manipulative sides of him the whole time and was okay with it? Yes wouldn’t that be spicy, maybe have Liu Qingge walk away first upon seeing past Shen Jiu’s mask, only for Yue Qingyuan to declare he already knew? That would definitely be a viable path had Shen Jiu’s forgiveness not been wholly, diegetically, irrevocably, canonically authentic—thanks to the author-dada. No muss, no fuss, no plausible deniability left under all the pink bubble-sparkles and closeups of tear-filled, longing gazes. No points for cat ears. No point to any of this fertile backstory, because at the end of the day it was just two boys, one obtrusively big cliché.
Hence—circling all the way back—Shen Yuan’s dilemma. His complicated state of knowing but not actually knowing anything.
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nixiaus · 2 years
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instead of us, only i remain.
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Pairing: Jack Kline x Gender Neutral!Reader (can be read as platonic or pining best friends)
Genre: Angst, fluff (only in flashbacks)
Warnings: Major character death (Jack is dead in this whole fic), there are a lot of flashbacks, a bit of bitterness towards the Winchesters, also the bold italics sentences are the lyrics, set after Jack's death in S14, but before his resurrection in S15
Summary: After Jack's death by God, Y/N struggles to deal with the memories of Jack that resurface in the bunker.
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A/N: Okay, so this is my first Supernatural fic! This is based on the song Winter Falls by Stray Kids, so feel free to listen while you read. My requests are open, just read my rules first, please!
Watching Chuck, God, burn the life out of your best friend had easily become the worst thing that had ever happened to you. Yes, you had been with the Winchesters, friends who were like brothers to you, through multiple apocalypses and tragedies, but watching the sweet boy you'd grown to love die hurt you more than you could've ever realized.
But now you do realize. You realize as you stand in Jack's room filled with memories the two of you shared during his short life. From your place right in the door frame, you can see the books you bought him the first week Sam and Dean brought him home.
I am still standing in the same place reminiscing about our old days.
"Hi, Jack!" You wanted to make a good impression on the kid, not only because he was Lucifer's son and could go rogue at any moment, but also because... so far, he seemed to just be a sweet, albeit confused, person.
"Hello, Y/N. What's in the bag?" Jack asked you, curious because you never seemed to come into his room, rather always catching up with him in the kitchen or library.
"Okay, so, I was at the bookstore and I wanted to bring you back something, and then I realized you've probably never read a book. So, I got you a couple!"
A couple was the understatement of the year. Another reason Jack had even asked you what was in your bag was because he could see your arm shaking with the weight of the filled tote bag. There was, at minimum, 10 books in the bag that you brought to him.
"Thank you, Y/N! You're right, I've never read a book. Which one should I read first?" Jack asked as you laid out all of the books you had purchased onto his desk.
"Well, probably the classics first. These," you gestured towards a stack of about 5 books, "are books most people have read and enjoyed throughout, like, centuries. So these are Little Women, Pride & Prejudice, The Great Gatsby, and a couple others I've never read. Those are what a lot of these newer ones are based off of, generally." 
As you looked around Jack's room you got a sense of emptiness with the lack of personal items he owned, or more importantly, the lack of interaction he generally had with others. With how Jack was literally beaming at you, you could tell how happy you were making him by bringing him these books you enjoyed and thinking about him while you went to the store.
"Thank you, Y/N! I can't wait to read them all!" Jack pulled you into a tight, uncomfortably tight actually, hug and you smiled, hugging him back.
As you pulled away, you made an offer to him.
"Sam and I used to read books together, just in the same room to keep each other company or talk about what we were reading. Do you wanna read with me?"
When Jack nodded enthusiastically, that began the journey of your closest friendship.
When tears started welling up in your eye, with your nose burning, you closed Jack's door as you left the room. Sitting here thinking about the boy that had become your best friend in such a short span of time was something you didn't think you were ready for.
Passing Sam as you rounded the corner into the library, he saw your tears and heard your sniffles. "Y/N... I'm so sorry. I'm here for you, so is Dean, anytime you want." 
Although you were still incredibly angry with both of the Winchesters for attempting to lock Jack in the Malak box, without even telling you, might you mention, you still appreciated the way that Sam was trying to be there for you. 
"Thanks, Sammy. I'm, uh, I just... can't seem to stop, you know? My mind's running a mile a minute, I feel so jumpy, like there's something I should be doing to get him back."
"I get it. Even though the literal God killed him, we've cheated death so many times, it feels like we owe it to him to try. But there's nothing we can do, Y/N, the only person as powerful as Chuck is Amara, and well, Jack." You could tell Sam was trying to console you, make you realize that the anxiety you felt about being idle was useless, but in actuality it was making you feel like shit.
"Right. Well, I'm just gonna sit and watch a movie to keep my mind off things." You said with a heaving sigh. With that, Sam gently smiled at you and kept walking his original route to do Chuck knows what while Jack sat and rotted in the Empty.
As you plopped on the big leather couch, you were reminded of the first time Jack ever watched a movie.
"Y/N, what is "The Hulk?" Jack asked with his eyebrows upturned, the same habit you had gotten used to while hanging out with him as much as you did. 
"He's a superhero from a comic book-turned-movie series. He's this brilliant scientist but he turns into a big green giant with anger issues." You explained to him patiently, as by now, you'd gotten hundreds of questions from the boy about pop culture, music, science, and other things. Although sometimes the Winchesters took the time to explain, you were the one who ultimately showed Jack the answers to his questions.
"Do you wanna watch the movies he's in with me? It's called the Avengers." You asked him, already getting up to find the DVD collection you had of the Marvel series.
"Yes, that would be awesome, Y/N. Thank you."
You two sat a normal distance apart while binging a couple Marvel movies that night, but by the time you were falling asleep, you were lying in his lap, with his fingers gently massaging your scalp. Jack had a touch of gentleness when it came to you, you could see it, hell, everyone could see it.
As your eyes began closing, you had to ask, even with the sleepiness in your voice. "Jack, why do you treat me differently than everyone else?"
Jack looked down at you in his lap and smiled. "Because you treat me differently than everyone else does. You're my best friend, at least that's the conclusion I've come to. I like being around you, your energy always seems to... make me feel warm. Like when it was snowing and you bought me a winter coat. You're kind to me, more than anyone else. You make me feel human."
With a sigh, you got up from the couch and went to lie in your own bed. This was the only place memories of Jack didn't seem to plague you, as Dean yelled at him rather loudly when he tried to enter your room. Something about your "purity" or whatever the hell he wanted to hate Jack for that day.
Looking at your wall clock, you saw the time was 09:14 PM. 
Days shorter, nights longer; Freeze, melt, repeat.
It seemed like each day without Jack lasted a single minute, you saw Sam once, you saw Dean every now and then, you'd remember things you now want to forget, then retreat to your room. The same cycle every. single. day. Then in your room, the passage of time seemed to slow to a standstill, the times when you were alone was when you could let go, and sob your lungs out, remembering a warmth and a care you'd never felt before Jack and never will feel again. 
Jack wasn't your first "best friend," but he certainly changed the definition for you. He seemed to literally feel when your emotions would change, the first time you met him, you were anxious and he immediately smiled at you. Jack was incredibly perceptive, always calming you.
We were holding hands... back then it was a warm winter everything was beautiful.
Winter was always your least favorite season. The snow dampened the sounds of the world, made you cold, and made the world that much harder to bear. You hated being cold, everyone who knew you knew that much.
This was Jack's first winter and he watched the snow trickle down from inside the backseat of the Impala on the way back from a hunt that you, him, Sam, Dean, and Cas had all done together. You two and Cas were all crammed in the backseat, and his head rested on your shoulder.
"You keep shivering, Y/N. Are you cold?" Jack asked, shifting his head to look at the side of your face.
"Yeah. It's really cold in here. I hate the winter because of it." You miserably told him, with your teeth chattering, despite the fact that everyone else seemed perfectly warm in the car.
"I can hold your hand, if you want. I saw in a movie once that it made people warmer." Jack told you from his place on your shoulder. His innocence made you beam so widely, he was honestly a bit surprised and confused at why you were smiling.
Honestly, Jack didn't really seem to understand that was more of a romantic aspect to fiction. But you were already a bit more warmed at the fact he even cared enough to hold your hand, despite the fact he's not really initiated much physical contact with people other than you and Cas.
"Sure, Jack. I'd like that."
"When we get home, we can drink hot chocolate and eat soup. That was in a few of the books you gave me." 
"That'd be great, Jack. Hell, you might just make me like winter if you keep up with this." 
You two held hands for hours on that drive back to Lebanon. By the time Cas woke you up, you noticed you had taken off your coat in your sleep anyway. It seems you were warm enough with Jack.
You didn't think you could keep sewing yourself back together just for the seams to keep coming loose at night. Every night you were weeping into your pillows, Jack's pillows, that you had taken off of his bed. At first, you even slept in his room like you were just waiting for him to come back after a hunt with Cas. 
Cas, who before he left, came to your room and told you that you could always call him or pray to him, and he would be there for you.
Even though he had tears in his own eyes, Cas reached down and wiped yours and looked into your eyes.
"Y/N... you made Jack so happy while he was alive, I could see it, I could see how brightly his soul shone when you made him laugh or showed him a song. He appreciated how loved you made him well, and I appreciated it as well. You know... you can always pray to me, call me, and I will come. Or one day, you can come with me, too. Thank you for making Jack's life bright in the moments it was too dark for me to guide him."
You knew Cas to be a man of few emotional words when you first met. He had grown over the years, becoming more sweet, more caring, more human. And with Jack, he had become something like a father, a bit different than it was with Claire. You knew that you caring about Jack had warmed his heart and made him even fonder of you. 
But he didn't know how much that made you fond of him. 
"Cassie, you know... Jack is, fuck, I mean... Jack was the kindest person I have ever met, with or without his soul. And that is largely due to you, I saw so much of him in you. So much of how you were when we first met and yet, so much of you now. Looking at you, sometimes, all I can see is him," You said, looking down at your hands.
"His curiosity at a world he hadn't yet integrated fully into, at things he didn't understand, but his tenderness at it too. Thank you for everything. I understand why you're leaving, and I wanna tell you, too, that I am one, single, call away. I will always be here for you, so will this bunker. Fuck what anyone says." You finished, finally looking back up at Cas and pulling him into a tight hug, not unlike hugs you'd given each other in the past.
"Goodbye, Y/N."
With Jack's death came another loss you saw coming almost immediately. Cas being gone was something you had dealt with many times with his numerous depatures, but it felt different this time. He wasn't dead, or taken, or on a hunt, or running from something. Cas left for a reason, a reason which you can't refute. 
You can't say you were in disagreement with his leaving, you were thinking of the same. But what would you do? Where would you go? You couldn't leave Sam and Dean, even though they were complete asses to Jack, they'd always taken care of you and you were infinitely grateful. 
But... after all these years, maybe it was time to go. After Jack, you don't think you could stay with them anymore, this was harder than they thought it was. Maybe you could honestly go with Cas, you always seemed to click well.
So you wrote a note.
To Sammy and D... 
I'm sorry to leave without talking to you first. Honestly I think we've probably talked enough for you to get why I'm leaving. Sam, I know you hear me crying at night, I know why you make me chamomile tea every morning.
And Dean, I know you try to make things as normal for me as possible. But the truth is, none of this is normal anymore without Jack. So, I'm leaving, I'm going with Cas. I'll be safe, not reckless, and I'm keeping our angel safe, too, okay? Don't worry about us.
I love you both so much. Thank you for caring about me all these years, thank you for everything. Thank you for bringing Jack to the bunker and giving me the opportunity to meet him. Okay, my wrist hurts, I need to stop writing now.
Goodbye, my brothers. From, your Y/N.
After a few quick tears, you wiped your face and grabbed your friendship bracelet Jack had made you a few weeks before his death and slid it on.
"Cassie? Castiel? I'm packed, I'm ready to go." You prayed to your angel, with your backpack on and a machete in hand.
Cas quickly appeared, another gentle smile on the seraph's face.
"Okay, let's go."
I'm okay now. Yeah, I'll be okay.
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httyddragonfox · 7 months
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Unknown's regard towards the MC
Unknown/Ray/Saeran is interesting in regards to how he feels about and he treats as well as his intentions towards the MC of Mystic Messenger. He's the antagonist, and a creepy one at that, but he's also a "bad but sad boy." I can't help help but dissect how he's written as the antagonist of a visual novel/otome game. Just as a note, this is a long one.
Let's start from the beginning and work our way through.
Our first possible interaction with him: the prologue bad end. You refuse to co-operate and lie saying their is no way to enter the apartment (As players you might have just been trying to escape the obvious sketchy situation, but there is a reason the rest of the cast wants to protect her, it's because she's so innocent.) If you back out at just the right moment, he laughs at your joke but then warns you if it went on longer he would have snapped. Of course if you don't, he reveals he can see you're lying, which blows his cover as to the fact he's been watching you. Why did Unknown choose you for plan? Who knows? He just needed some random innocent person, which would push V to hold a party and cause enough confusion to hack in. Was he specifically aiming for a girl? Maybe, seeing as most of the group is made of dudes, Rika was the same gender, probably a good replacement as coordinator. Anyways, he probably doesn't think much of you. Once you fail, he just opts to find someone else. He would get rid of you, except for the fact that you're cute. This shows he at least finds you attractive. He decides he'll let you live as his assistant, something he wants ever since he heard his brother had one. If you wish to leave, he'll tell you he can't allow that because you know about him, he can't let you be a loose cannon. If you do agree to go with him, he's ecstatic, thinking you're like him. He promises to treat you well and be very nice to you. It's still a bad ending because you don't have a choice but to go with him. Also the ending didn't mention this, but if you're going to Magenta you're going to be drugged!
So he finds you attractive enough that he wishes to keep you, and hopes you'll be just like him...Mr. Trauma-boy Crazy-pants. I get the sense from this he's lonely and wants a companion who will see his side of things.
Throughout the game, he tends to go after you first out of everybody. The exceptions here are the bad endings for Regular route and Deep Route where he goes after Yoosung after he loses touch with reality (He's easy prey), or he captures V when thinks he's spying around.
The message he leaves you after you're dropped off is: "Don't worry, things will be really fun from now on. I'll come and get you soon."
You've already helped him commence his plans, so you seem to be a useful ally/tool. You also innocently decided to help a complete stranger, which makes you more cute. He seems more attached to you, but not completely, as I'll explain further down.
In the first bad relationship endings for the regular routes, he doesn't display much in the terms of attraction. In Jaehee's he just says he's going to take everyone early because she's not doing anything, and in Zen's he decides to get someone else to do her role while she's taken to Magenta to be re-educated ("You'll learn that we're the only ones who love you.") To early to decide anything. She's attractive sure, and nice, but she's a slacker. What she needs is a good fine-tuning.
Things don't pick up until Yoosung's second bad ending. Instead of forgiving V and understanding him, we are suspicious of V, and drive a further wedge between him and Yoosung. So much so, Yoosung wants to run away with us, more specifically leave the group. Unknown can't have that, that party needs to be held, we certainly can't leave. So he tricks us into thinking we were right and V can't be trusted, and he's just an innocent guy wrapped up in the turmoil. He offers Yoosung something he can't refuse, information on Rika, to get us into his car. That's when we start to feel suspicion and he knocks out Yoosung to make him his hostage and talk to us alone. He tells us he's only unconscious and he's his precious hostage. Hostage for who? Hostage for us, that's who. I assume he was in the front seat or else how could he knock him out. So Yoosung is unconscious in the front seat and we're unable to get him out of there. If we were to try anything, well he's right next to the guy. So Unknown takes off his mask to talk to us, probably feeling more personable. He tells us it was fun pretending to be scared, but not as fun as pretending to be the student...queuing us in that he was the guy who led us to the apartment. He's almost nostalgic as he remembers how we did everything he said then, but now we've gone and ruined his plan. He reassures us that it's okay, all he has do is re-educate us, and we can even decide how we start. He'll turn us into a proper assistant yet. At the ending he throws what Yoosung and we have been saying before this ending, 'how about we just leave out the traitors and be together," of course, with him saying it it implies he's just going to steal us from Yoosung after re-educating us. After all, he did see us first, and we've been helping him up until recently, all we need is some fixing and we'll be perfect.
Yes, in that bad ending it seems he likes us. However, around the end of the route things take a drastic turn. In Yoosung's route, Seven had discovered the IP address of the hacker's hideout, and was heading out to shut down their operations. Everything is burning down around him, all thanks to his brother. His final act of revenge is to make Luciel realize his sins and then have them all burn together. He's also going to have you burn too, for the heck of it; earlier in the route he had you trapped in your room...for seemingly no reason but to cause chaos (He didn't even come to get you before it was fixed), so why wouldn't he put you in harm's way again. Yes, you were his tool, his agent so to speak, but since he's done, you're done too. He no longer needs you, so he's going to kill you, as an added kick it'll make his brother suffer knowing he failed to protect you. If you want to think of it in a romantic sense, he wants to commit suicide with you and his brother. Of course it all depends on which ending you're looking at. In the original ending, he mentions he's going to blow up both Magenta and our apartment, and says Seven can make amends by allowing them all to die together; it seems romantic in a twisted way. He offhandedly mentions Yoosung will die too, forgetting the kid was there. When they wrestle him for the detonator, Unknown tells Yoosung that if the button is pressed, we will die too, like that was supposed to motivate him to stop. Unknown had lost his mind at this point, thinking it was a good thing to die in that moment, (Don't be scared, kid, your girlfriend will be dying with us.) Then he briefly captures Yoosung and tortures him, egging him on to talk about us as he tortures him. Either this was brought on because he wants to know why we're so great that Yoosung would save us, or he genuinely wants to hear about us; he's crazy at this point, so it could be either or both.
Now in the Yoosung Bad Ending 3, Seven instead of freezing up panics when he sees the detonator, knowing it will blow us up, then Unknown laughs and says we're not the only one going boom, as they're going up in smoke too. This purpose seems more malevolent, killing us as we have no more purpose to him instead of romantically dying together. In this one, Yoosung sacrifices himself to get the detonator away from him and ends up being indefinitely captured by him. While captured, the threat to keep him in line is no only will Unknown possibly mess with the RFA, he might also bring us to where they are. Seeing as he's torturing Yoosung, it's safe to say he'll probably torture us too. At this point, Unknown is just not happy Yoosung foiled his plans for revenge on his brother. As for what he thinks of us, he probably just sees us as a tool, something to release his anger on should the time come. He may have been attracted to us, but his plans come first.
Now let's talk about Jaehee's route, at least Bad relationship ending 2, as he doesn't really show up in the route aside from those. In this ending, V has apparently settled things between Mint Eye and the RFA, sacrificing himself to end the fighting. Yet, Unknown has still decided to cause trouble seeing as Luciel didn't play by the rules, so neither will he. He decided to go after you first because you seemed distracted. When you ask who he is, he asks you to call him an angel because he's delivering you to Paradise. He wonders if you wanted to see him (leaning on the 4th wall there), so he promises to spend so much time with you during your re-education that you will start to get sick of him. He also mentions he has a fun program planned for you that will probably make you tremble more than you're doing already.
So, it seems he wants to give personal attention to your re-education. Is this this because he feels this sort of possessiveness and responsibility towards you. He's the one to put you in there, and he's the one to take you out. You're his little tool of chaos, you're his assistant, so he has responsibility for you.
Now let's look at Zen's route. Unknown doesn't make himself known (ha) until near the end of the route. We get a little insight into Mint Eye's plans for the MC and RFA being discussed by Unknown to someone else. He's surprised we were able to pull it off (-_- What?), but everything is going according to their plans. (Question: why did he recruit us for this if he didn't think we could do it?) Apparently, we don't have to be good at the job he gives us, we just have to be willing to do it. Anyways, moving on...he says the plan is to capture the MC, which will eventually bring the RFA to them. Apparently the plan here is to bring in an innocent person so V will be pushed to throw a party, cause enough confusion and chaos that Unknown can hack in and obtain the guest information, and then kidnap the MC to cause even more confusion and chaos so the RFA can be captured and brought to Mint Eye. He then talks about his plans for the RFA, saying they'll tortured to the point where once they are nice to the members again, they'll be grateful to them. Zen then has a vision of MC being kidnapped; it doesn't actually happen, but in the dream we're told if we behave he'll treat us like a princess. The MC is referred to as a princess several times in the game. It's a term of endearment, so it's used by Zen and Jumin (who can actually treat you like a princess), but it's also used by Unknown, Ray and Saeran, for different reasons. When Unknown uses it in the dream, it means he'll treat you really nicely. Other times he uses it he seems to be implying that the MC is someone whom everyone wants to protect, someone who's sheltered away, a damsel in distress. When he actually shows up to kidnap you, he goes on talking about how he's taking you to a great place, so you should just come with him willingly. Yes, Zen comes in to save you, and he takes this moment to mock him and criticize the group. He points out that they shouldn't make a woman live on her own with bomb, even though having her live there was a part of his plan (He's pointing out they should have more common sense). He threatens to blow up the apartment if Zen tries anything, killing all of them. He's willing to die for the cause, and he doesn't care if you do as well; he's attracted to you, holds responsibility over you, but isn't in love with you. He tells Zen to watch as he takes "his girl" away. That's when you either bite his hand or wait for Zen to save you. He threatens to blow up the place, but apparently he doesn't because you go back there for the Valentine's day DLC. Maybe he had a change of heart, or didn't see the point because we already escaped.
Let's look at his bad endings, this is where Unknown shows more attraction to us. First, there is the 2nd Bad relationship ending. Basically, Zen doesn't get to us in time. Besides where he talks about how you don't have a choice and how you just waited mostly, he talks about what's going to happen. He says if re-educates you just a little bit, you will let go of everything and depend on him. He promises to protect you and give you an exciting life. He's mostly just excited on the fact you get to be "his." Here is my theory: despite everything, he's looking for a companion. He remembers his brother and his brother took care of him, but his brother "betrayed" him. He's lonely, and he wants that again, but not with him; he wants it with someone where he can be the protector, as he's not weak anymore; he'll also do a much better job than his brother did. The MC is attractive enough, maybe she can fill that role.
Then there's the third Bad Ending, where Zen also doesn't get there in time, of course in this ending we seem to go with him willingly. We are not happy we were forced to live with a bomb so we don't trust the RFA anymore. Unknown tells a story about a Prince and a Princess (Zen is Princely, and we are the RFA's Princess). The princess was being kept in a tall tower by a group of liars. She hoped the prince would save her, but he was just another liar. Luckily, there was someone better for her. There was an angel (him) watching her from afar, who wanted to bring her to paradise. Wisely, she believed him; going with him to paradise and becoming happy forever. The prince ended up following her, but unlike the princess it took him a bit for the angel to tame him. Unknown drugged and hypnotized Zen into becoming just a role to play, and it's implied he tortured him too. Unknown is crafting him into a prince to romance the princess (us), but Zen is having trouble focusing due to the drugs. I'm not sure how long that game would go, if he would even let us be together. Maybe Zen would be just some toy for us to romance, maybe he'll never be done 'practicing.' Either way, Unknown heavily believes Zen to be a liar, and not good enough for us. I think he's a hypocrite, as Unknown has pretended to be different people before. Unknown is insane, and insane people tend to be hypocrites. He doesn't think anyone is good enough for us, this is mainly because he believes he's better than all of them; we don't count as we're an innocent brought into this.
That's it for the regular routes. Now on to the Deep Routes.
First let's start with Jumin's Route, Unknown hardly shows up here. They run into him near the end of the route. Seven recognizes him, and Unknown asks how we're doing, queuing Seven in that he was the one behind everything. In the third Bad Ending, Unknown is waiting for you at the apartment. He expresses frustration that Seven basically destroyed his group, and now he wants to make him pay. His savior told him that in order to do that he had to wait for us at our apartment and then press the button. It doesn't seem like he knows exactly what it does in this route, as he's surprised when he hears the countdown. He does want to hurt us though, as he knows Seven cares about us; at least it was his job to protect us. There's no sign of attraction from him in this route, as he barely showed up. When he did, he was so mad, that we're just a means of revenge for him. Yeah he's attracted to us, but when he's mad, revenge comes first.
Seven's route the attraction comes through more. When Unknown realizes he's been tracked by his brother, he decides to speed up his plans to hack into the security system and kidnap the MC. As soon as he starts making his plans, he starts talking to us as if we can hear him ("Just you wait MC, I'll bring you to Mint Eye first.") You usually apostrophe like this if you're excited or anxious to see someone, or if you really wish someone could hear what you had to say to them. It shows he really wants to induct us. There's a story mode where he's talking to his savior about why he's leaving so suddenly, explaining that he wants to induct the girl he mentioned to them. Then he actually arrives at the apartment, telling us to be careful of the glass as he comes in (kudos to him). He explains to us he's the hacker of the security system and the one who led us to the apartment, as well as the one who sent the invites to paradise. He says the RFA is filled with liars and false hope which will be explained when we get to the second location. When we refuse, he tells us we don't have a say because he put us here, so he gets to take us out. This is all so everyone can be happy, including us. If you question the promise of Happiness, he's ecstatic thinking you're like him and promises special treatment for you at Magenta. If you still refuse to go, calling out for Seven, he gets furious. He claims Seven will not save us, and even if he tries it's too late. He then says he will cleanse us of our false faith and show us true paradise. He probably was reminded of how he wanted Seven to save him back in the day and he never did, and if Seven did try to save us, that would make him more furious; so Luciel would save her but not his own brother, huh? He wouldn't want to give him that satisfaction. He doesn't want us to believe in the fantasy he once believed in, so I guess he feels he's 'saving' us this way. He warns us that we better come with him while he's still rational. Seven then shows up, and Unknown grumbles that he was hoping to make Seven suffer, probably by taking away the person he was trying to protect. The brothers talk for a bit about their relationship and the past until MC is brought up again. Seven begs Saeran to let us go, as we nothing to do with what's going on between them. Saeran counters that since he brought us there, we're his. He then quickly figures out that Seven has feelings for us, and realizes he could torture us to hurt Seven. He's attracted to us, but his revenge comes first. If we try to get away, he warns us not to fight back as he will hurt us. He starts getting ecstatic thinking of how to torture us, implying most people have to go through it to get into Mint Eye anyway. Luckily, we get away from him.
In the first Bad Ending of 707's route, we don't manage to get away from him. He takes us away, planning on playing with us to inflict pain on Seven. So he tortures us, takes pictures of us in pain, and sends them to Seven. He's talking to us, but we might as well not be there; we're not even responding. He decides to make it seem like we ultimately enjoy what he's doing to us, make it seem like we don't care if we're rescued by him or not. So, basically Stockholm syndrome. We are very compliant at this point, either we actually do have Stockholm syndrome, or we're tortured to the point we'll do anything he tells us to do (The difference here is we still want to leave, still are hoping we'll be rescued). We're so obedient here, to the point we give him exactly what he wants. He seems to like that about us. He decides then to have us after photo taking. In our state of mind...yeesh.
Later in the route, when we find him at Mint Eye, we try convincing him to hear us out. When we first run into him, he doesn't like the fact we're friendly with each other. Of course, he does say it's nice to see us again. He probably doesn't want Seven to be happy with us, not that he holds anything against us. If we wish to run, he comments how we're so naive. Once Seven begins to explain himself, Saeran warns us not to trust him, as he was abandoned we will be too. If we tell him it was a misunderstanding, he believes we're brainwashed. If we say we'll be the judge of what happens, he says we're brave but foolish to follow Seven.
In the 2nd bad relationship ending of the route, he mistakes us for his Mom in a dissociative fit. This is probably because his brother is nearby, and we're the only woman nearby, he was probably brought back to his time as a kid. That doesn't count.
In the Third Bad Ending of the route, he tricks us into thinking us trying to convince him worked. He secretly leads us to a cell where we'll be locked in a corner until we're 'tamed.' Seven begs for us to be released, which Saeran doesn't wish to do. We are useless in his plans to become a better hacker, he only needs his brother. However, he thinks he can use us to keep Seven in line. He promises a good life for us as long Seven listens to him, but we'll be tortured in front of him should he misbehave. He likes us enough to treat us nicely, but his revenge comes first. Seven then threatens him into letting us go. Saeran then says his savior told him he shouldn't desire too many things. He then decides to let us go. So that says he would've liked to have us around.
Then there's the Secret endings, of course the reaction to us in those is not strong there. The only real reaction we get is that he mentions us in his apostrophe to Seven. He says that us and Vanderwood will join Mint Eye, which was his original plan for us, so he might react similarly to all the bad endings.
So far, he would like us as a companion, especially if we're like him and have a dark broken side. He genuinely believes he's doing us a good turn, and wants to 'help' us. Of course, he'd like us to be useful to him. As well as we can't come in between him and his revenge.
Let us now look at the Christmas DLC: In this DLC, the plan just seems to be kidnapping us. Of course, that isn't abundantly clear, especially seeing as the MC is super naive. First, you get a text asking if you remember him (I'd be pretty disappointed if you don't), he says he's been wondering how you've been doing and asks if you want to see him. If you ask him about the other members, he types you this madness mantra of how much he wants to get revenge. Of course, if you say you want to know who he is, he says to be patient in getting to know him, as he has a lot of questions too (By the time we're familiar with each other, a lot of things will have changed.) In his second text, he goes on about he feels like in his attempts to see us he'll be blocked. (I want to play with you...) He continues by mentioning the event, but not knowing about it. He asks you to invite him to the event (You won't keep secrets from me, would you?). You can send him the address to the apartment or the event. With the apartment, he comments he already knows it, but it's still difficult. With the event's address, he realizes that it's a Christmas charity party being thrown. The last text says he still has trouble getting through, but if he knew a moment where the red-head wasn't paying attention he'd find a weak spot, like the end of the event. So he asks for end-time. We can tell him the event's over, or we can tell him the event ends at nine. If we tell him it's over, he knows we're lying and plans to attack the RFA. If we do tell him the end-time, we remind him he said he'd come to get me soon. He's happy we remembered, (I'm liking you more and more), promises us that we'll have more fun with him than the RFA. Later he gives us a call, in that call he hints he can see us trembling with fear after he freaks us out with his creepy singing. No matter what we tell him, that we want our gift or we don't, he tells us he'll just do what he wants. He's our Santa, watching over us, difference being that he despises nice children. Of course, he encourages us to be nice until he comes to see us, just to see what will happen. He gives us a text later based on the person we bonded with the most. He likes to make us feel guilty about bonding with them. For Zen, he claims he's an actor so he's probably just pretending his feelings for us. For Yoosung, he claims Yoosung's eyes are on someone else and we're living in someone else's shadow. For Jaehee, he claims that she works so hard and is constantly busy so she doesn't have time for you. For Jumin, he claims his trust in you will break once he finds out you've been texting Unknown, you've basically betrayed him. For Seven, he says he will get quite upset when he finds out despite everything he's done to protect you, you've basically betrayed that. Then the event happens, but you don't see him until you get back home.
Most people I see react to this ending are not surprised and actually wanted to see him, but at least one person I saw was surprised it happened. So story wise, the MC probably didn't know this was going to happen. She is rather naive, she probably thought he was going to show up at the party. Also probably thought she could avoid a kidnapping. He is not a great guy to be with, he's emotionally manipulative.
When you see him, he wonders if you honestly thought the place would be empty, and hopes you had the happiest day of your life. He comments on how strong the security was, but he got through thanks to you. He wants you to admit you like him, (players maybe, MC who knows?) why else would you help him? Were you just being nice? (Some people have that problem). He tells you if you admit you like him he'll make your Christmas unforgettable. Of course, MC is trembling, so he wonders if she's scared of him or what might happen? He then critiques us saying if we're scared of what might happen, we shouldn't have contacted him. We were quite bold. He's fully down to believing we like him, regardless of what the reality is, and that we want to spend Christmas with him. He goes to tell us his idea of Christmas, thinking we'll love it. He tells us about Santa, and how he supposedly gives presents to nice children, however he's just a made up figure adults use to control their children. People are naive and believe in him, and so the bad people like him should just feel guilty on days like Christmas. A better version of Christmas for him would not have a Santa, and instead he'd take revenge on the adults who made him feel guilty. "And bad children like you and me...will get our presents." MC can tell this guy is unhinged and tries to run, but he tells her it's too late. He promises to show us real happiness, promising a Christmas so sweet we'll never want to return to reality. His Christmas has no naughtiness, no guilt, just Christmas. It then cuts to black as he laughs evilly and hysterically. At the end of the chatroom where the RFA is freaking out over our disappearance, he comes in and says he'll be taking "good care of the princess" Every day will be Christmas for us. So it ends with us being taken captive, enjoying Christmas with Unknown...forever. The CG looks tame enough, it implies we're his gift. We have a lot of presents. Of course, we're not smiling, we seem pretty blank. I guess I wouldn't know what to think.
This DLC re-establishes some things: He thinks we're like him, he wants to play with us, likes us when we're obedient, and considers us a "Princess." Also wants to treat us well, but I think that's mainly for his sake.
[Part 2}
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misc-obeyme · 10 months
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Okay. This is maybe going to sound weird, but I feel like I can credit Obey Me with helping me finally understand that I'm nonbinary.
I had been thinking about it for a long time already, but there was something about having the game refer to MC as they and just the general gender neutrality of MC that felt right.
And then I got to explore that a little more with my MC Ciaran who is nonbinary. It's no surprise that I process things best when I write about them, so having a character like that really made a difference for me. Just gave me the space to think about it and sort of immerse myself in the way it felt.
I'd always left pronouns off of everything, but as I started writing more fanfiction for Obey Me, I decided to put mine in my bio as they/them. It was kind of another experiment. Nobody I know irl follows me on Tumblr, so I could just try it out and see how I feel. (I honestly don't have a preference - all pronouns are acceptable.)
So last weekend I came out to my parents. They were confused, but supportive and listened to everything I had to say about it. Since I don't actually have a preference for my pronouns, I told them they can use whatever they like.
Then I went home and I was looking at stuff on Facebook. I saw that Instagram had an option for pronouns, but Facebook only had an option to change your gender. So I changed it to nonbinary. I didn't notice anything changing on my profile since I didn't have gender displayed anyway, so I left it and went on with my life.
I got a text today from my sister that was a screenshot of our relationship on Facebook that now said I was her "sibling (gender neutral)."
When I tell you I panicked...
I never planned on telling my sister. Since I don't have a strong preference when it comes to my pronouns, I didn't feel the need to tell her to call me anything other than what she's always called me. Because I knew she wouldn't accept it. I knew that if I told her, she would be against it.
I never actually came out to her as bisexual either, for the same reasons.
I told her I was just messing with the Facebook settings and that I didn't see any changes, so I didn't know it was going to change our relationship like that.
She said it wasn't a big deal to her but that she didn't want to call me "they/them."
I told her that's fine because I don't have any pronoun preferences so she can call me whatever she wants.
And I have to say, she's just lucky that it turned out that way. I honestly don't have a preference and I'm fine with all of the options. But if I did have a preference. If I did want her to call me they/them. She wouldn't. She wouldn't support me.
And I can't say I didn't know this, but it still hurts. And I didn't mean for her to find out at all, let alone through some stupid Facebook setting.
She called my mom and asked her about it. Now my mom is the best. I've always been able to tell my mom anything and everything. So my mom told her a little bit about what I said when I told my mom about being nonbinary and why I felt that way. But then my mom suggested my sister call me and ask me. And my sister was like no I don't care I'll just send a text.
And I know that she only sent a weird text like this because she's being passive aggressive. If she really wanted to know, she could have just asked me directly, even over text. But instead she sent me a Facebook screenshot?
Normally I would say it doesn't matter. We're not close for a lot of reasons, though it really just boils down to me never being the person she wants me to be and her telling me as much. So eventually I was just like okay I get it you don't like me then I'll stay away.
BUT. I have two nieces. And I love those girls so much. And I don't want to lose them because their mom can't accept me for who I am.
So if she asks me directly, I will tell her the truth. I'm nonbinary and I'm not going to lie about it. I'm not going to try to hide who I am so that she'll accept me.
But I'm not going to volunteer any information, either. I told her she could use whatever pronouns she wants and that might be good enough. If she doesn't ask anything further, then we can stay in this limbo where we both know the truth, but nobody has actually said it, so we can pretend it isn't a thing.
That way I can still see my nieces without them thinking I don't like their mom. I don't know if she would cut me off from them entirely over this, but it's possible. So I can avoid that, too.
I'm just feeling kind of down about it. I wish she could just love and accept me the way that I am. And I know I'm lucky that my parents still do.
And maybe this is weird, but having Obey Me actually makes me feel better about it? Just because I know that if those characters were real, they would love and accept me just as I am.
And now I'm crying lol.
Anyway, I'm sorry for this long post and for getting really personal, but this has just been weighing on me and I needed to get it off my chest. I figured my fellow Obey Me fans would understand.
And if there's anybody else out there struggling with something similar, please never compromise who you are just because someone else doesn't know how to love you.
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honoviadakai · 2 years
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Feliks Łukasiewicz: The hidden nonbinary/gender fluid icon
So Poland from Hetalia...is a character...
In all seriousness, Felik’s wasn’t my fav character back when 13 year old me saw them for the first time but I also didn’t hate the guy. They just confused the hell outta me because even with the limited worldly knowledge my preteen brain had, I was trying to understand what part of this character was inherently Polish.
Honestly even adult me is struggling to understand how Felik’s is the personification of Poland. It really feels like Himaruya made a character that just vaguely looks polish and has a polish accent and called it a day. And for a while I thought maybe he wrote Feliks that way because the country he represents is super progressive! Upon farther research…I was very wrong.
Here’s a very quick, simplified list of what you can expect in terms of “rights” for the lgbtq+ in Poland
Gay marriage isn’t legal
Discrimination is legal in some contexts
If you wanna adopt, you can only do so if you’re single(if you’re not hetero, if you are and in a couple, you’ll have less issues)
Conversion therapy is not banned
Military rights are ambiguous at best
Non-binary gender is not recognized(this one might have to do more with the language and their naming system than discrimination….but…)
You actually can legally change your gender and surgery is not required. They only recognize male and female though, nothing else. Getting surgery might require either a crap ton of money and/or going to a different country
…yeah…so Feliks makes even less sense and that’s not even taking into account how religious the country they represent is known to be.
However, upon further research, Poland does have quite the history on LGBT activism so that got me thinking that Feliks is not as superficial as I initially thought.
Firstly, I believe Feliks is gender fluid and demisexual and they’re just so casual about it around people they’ve probably forgotten to come out to some of their friends when they realized their gender orientation. Like I can absolutely see this conversation happening.
Tolys:….Feliks…we need to have a talk…now…
Feliks: yeah? Why? What’s wrong? You look, like, really stressed out.
Tolys: Look…I’ve been able to handle the other baltics, Ivan and Gilbert, sometimes all at the same time…but I’m gonna have an aneurism if you don’t explain to me why you’re dressed up like one of those teenage E-girls Alfred has talked to me about, right now…are you that broke or something???
Feliks:…
Tolys:…
Feliks:…I haven’t come out of the closet to you have I?
Tolys:….I’ll be back
Feliks: where are you going???
Tolys: knowing you…I’m gonna need some snacks, some tea…and a lot of free time…so I’m off to cancel some plans and order some food…
Tolys would genuinely be more annoyed at Feliks about the decades long lack of context and taking so damn long to remember to come out to him more than anything else tbh xD
Jokes aside, I genuinely think they started realizing his gender identity around the time Hungary was starting to discover herself. Watching her go through her issues probably made them start to question themselves a bit. I can see them being pretty religious before this and having a struck “there are only 2 genders mentality” for a long time but slowly starting to have a shift in ideals as time went on and their knowledge of the world started to grow. They might even have an internal crisis about their religious faith and how they feel but I can see them getting over it quickly since God is weirdly a cannon character in the series and seems very nonchalant. Feliks definitely had a conversation with God about this and straight up be told “do what makes you happy, I’m not gonna punish you for doing what you love.”
Eventually they’d fully discover themselves and just accept who they are because, if nothing else, Feliks is a simple person with simple needs. They just wanna be happy and if putting on a frilly skirt one day and slacks the next makes them happy then by golly they’re gonna do so. Outside their home country.
I don’t think Feliks expresses themselves often, if ever, in they homeland for safety reasons. If they go to Alfred’s place though? They’re going all out and no one can stop them. Periot 💅
That being said…because they’re very outspoken around people they trust…they kinda just…expect their friends and in some situations, complete strangers, to just pick up on their sexuality and gender identity. Feliks just kinda forgets people like Tolys exist. People like him who NEED to be told straight up “hey, this is my situation” because otherwise they’re just never gonna come to any conclusion on their own. Tolys can’t even pick up when someone is trying to tell him a joke, let alone when someone is trying to come out to him, discreetly.
Feliks is a disaster in this regard because of this. Because they’re assuming people picked up on their brand of fruitiness, to them they’ve already come out to people. In reality they haven’t and it takes them a hot minute to realize this because SURELY they would’ve come out to Feliciano by now…right???
Nope. They forgot. Italy didn’t get the news till late 2017, he still won’t let it go btw.
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