#why did that hurt

[forjongseong]

You can plan for a change in the weather and time But I never planned on you changing your mind

#my friend told me this song is what plays during slow dance at prom #and i told him to go fvck himself hasdjasdhasd #WHY DID THAT HURT #music night hello #Spotify

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[doberbutts]

Thank you for defending Nazis. They're just little guys. Just misunderstood, with genuine grievances. I noticed you accidentally forgot to defend child rapists. Dumb commies like you are all the same 🙄

Piss on the poor! Also I'm not a commie and never claimed to be one.

#anyway 'Germany was hurting after WWI which allowed Hitler to rise to power' #and 'antisemitism was escalating at an alarming rate which created a very dangerous situation for Europe's Jewish population' #and 'by leaning into the antisemitism that already existed in Germany at the time Hitler was able to rapidly radicalize Germany's population #are all just like. history. ever read a world history textbook or did you sleep all through your history classes? #case in point if you're not able to identify why or how things got that bad then you're doomed to follow the same path

[gascreates]

this is the only relationship that matters actually.

#shipping wars solved #atla #zuko #momo #me: im gonna do a short lil doodle! so i can feel like ive finished something! #me 12 hours later: #my hand hurts #this is not a short little doodle #fucking. why did i keep going

[drivemysoul]

can someone grab a mallet and just hit me with it

#taylor.txt #WHY DID THAT HURT

[cielle-b]

despite everything, it's still you.

#tma #gerry keay #the magnus archives #cielledraws #tma gerard keay #gerard keay #gerry delano #tma fanart #okay why did i do this #lowkey hurt drawing

[francy-sketches]

little meowmeows 🫶

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #valyrianscrolls #joffrey baratheon #myrcella baratheon #tommen baratheon #my art #this was meant to be a quick little doodle. my hand hurts ❤ #btw I did this all on one layer. excluding another one for some little details. without sketching or anything 😏 #I call it the 'fuck it we ball' technique #not saying that just to brag but also bc if you notice some anatomy mistakes thats why. ignore them ^_^

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands. #It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone. #What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again! #Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes. #Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY. #Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly. #What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person? #What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white? #When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not. #It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible. #This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down. #And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it. #And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

[p4nishers]

there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.

#do i wish he wouldn't forgive so easily (tho i don't actually think aziraphale needs forgiveness since he didn't do anything wrong and #actually without his decision their love story would've been stuck as it was for more than 6000 years and also heaven would never change #without someone dismantling it and making it new) #yes i do wish that and i also wish he'd learn self worth but we gotta be realistic here he never once been able to stay mad at aziraphale #all those times they had fights where aziraphale was (mostly) in the wrong and rejected crowley what did crowley do? immediately come #CRAWLING and BEGGING back like pls yall this is why i don't read post s2 fics bc everyone suddenly seems to forget their whole canon #personalities and history w each other and it's annoying me so much like i get that we all are hoping crowley learns from his mistakes and #stops being so easy for aziraphale (not me tho) but realistically speaking it's just not gonna happen and once again aziraphale DIDN'T. DO. #ANYTHING. WRONG. yes he hurt crowley with his decision but CROWLEY HURT HIM WITH HIS TOO so if yall wants an apology dance it's gonna turn #into a waltz cause they'd both need to do it #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #go s2

[whump-is-love-whump-is-life]

Screaming.

Please do not do this but I just screamed for 30 minutes so here’s what you should know.

Can’t do it continuously for very long, have to stop to breathe (amount of time and breaths it takes to recover depends on how long you hold it)

It is EXHAUSTING. Seriously, if your whumpee has been screaming for more than thirty seconds multiple times, they won’t have ANY energy to fight back against the whumper. My head was hanging down for a bit because I was just so tired. The exhaustion also caused dizziness when I stood up. Also it’s been around five minutes and my throat still hurts super bad.

Oddly, I could still talk, maybe a bit of rasp in my voice but still effectively and fairly easily. (Again, about thirty minutes with tiny breaks)

Seriously when the exhaustion hits, it hits H A R D

Mouth kinda hurts too tbh

Heart beats pretty rapidly during and shortly after

My head hurts

Both hurts and helps to cough

Update an hour later: slightly hurts throat to talk

Moral of the story:

Don’t scream so much that you exhaust yourself,

Make your whumpee scream to the whumpers content

#my whump #my posts #so yeah #imma bed now #whump #whump community #whumpblr #screaming #whump ideas #whump prompts #kinda #exhaustion whump #update: did it again #because #me = stupid #stomach and throat hurt #mouth hurts too #update much later: throat still a bit sore but I am ok #someone’s going to read my fic and be like ‘why was there so much detail about the screaming tho??’ #and I’m just over here 😀😀😀’YOU MERE MORTAL COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND MY SACRIFICE’

[taikk0]

the unspoken broflovski family curse

#added the doodle late oops #taikko art #dont ask me what happened to my old sketchy painted ish style when i first started making sp art #did you know?? that i enjoy?? not? hurting??????????? #its south park let me take it easy ugh finally i can draw in a style thats easy rottmnt artstyle kicked my ass #'why is kyles son wearing a different outfit?' i headcanon that kyles daughter is actually wearing hand me downs from him!! #i desperately need confirmed names omfg #I LOVE CHARACTERS WITH BARELY ANY CHARACTER TO THEM!! IT MEANS I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!! #me when i get to slap personalities and headcanons on characters that were on screen for less than a minute <3 #i need to read peoples headcanons on them please im so uncreative and i need to eat i am NOT self sustaining #south park #south park art #south park fanart #sp fanart #sp art #sp fandom #south park fandom #south park post covid #sp post covid #post covid #kyle #kyle broflovski #sp kyle #south park kyle #pc kyle #post covid kyle

[kittyandco]

does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do

#i get so upset when i think about it for too long; i'm there for them now but there was nothing i could do; wanna go back and protect them #i'm like this with everyone i care about (real and fictional) and sometimes it's hard #it's about hans this time. i just can't believe all the things that happened to him #no wonder he's terrible! no one cared about him! why should he care! all he knows is pain and neglect! except from me! #i know why he sees everyone else as worthless because that's exactly how everyone he knew saw him first; he was supposed to be loved #they all used him up til he was nothing and that's all he knows #i can't even read certain parts of a frozen heart again because i just cried so much the first time... he didn't deserve that #no one does #and then the comics detailing it all even FURTHER #he was like any other innocent kid and seeing that progression hurt so much. i could get into the details but ugh #hux's age of resistance comic did the same thing. i can't even look at the first 2 pages; it's too much. i just want to hold him #anyway... i'm fine :') i've made a post like this before but i'm feeling it so hard right now #self ship

[jackshiccup]

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return

have been perpetually rotating @bignostalgias white winter hymnal hijack inside my mind palace like rotisserie chicken i adore this life-changing au to the core my bones and teeth ache badly from thinking about them <3

#*BANGS POTS AND PANS* THATS RIGHT FREAKS ITS JACKSHICCUP ART WE ARE SOOOOOOOO BACK #EVERYONE SAY THANK U EMMA <3!!!!! #hijack #white winter hymnal au #frostcup #jackycup #rotg #httyd #hiccup #jack frost #jackshiccup art #my art #i love them so so so bad #🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭 #pls accept this humble gift.. i hope i did them justice sniff.. #why wwh hijack is the au ever in this essay i will— #haven't drawn them in so long i was shaking holding my apple pencil y'all #also i literally spent my entire work day doing this but anyways what my boss doesn't know won't hurt him ! #if u know me from my other art acc i clearly have a weakness for open mouth laughing kisses :( #OH AND BELATED HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO U AND THIS AU

[maybebi47]

going insane about fabian

"can I talk to her? i just want to say hi. *click* mama? mama?"

"bill "papa" seacastor! can you hear me? its your darling boy! papa?"

"i put on the loudest podcast, so it feels like there is someone else in this house"

"i have many ideas for more parties next week, maybe something longer like a sleepover"

#he is so small #and so alone #and he won't let anyone see it #im so hurt i cant even put it into words #no bc why did everyone abandon him so suddenly? #fabian seacaster #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #d20 #dimension 20

[kazanskys-mitchell]

you’re saying i need to write my fic in order for it to be written ??? what the fuck

#having a horrible time rn #why did i want to be a fic writer #who said that was a good idea #my brain hurts and i’m tired #jj rambles

[lotus-pear]

akai art for beloved tumblr mutual @itotypes <33 (it's a bsd x atla au btw if anyone wants to check it out.. although i wouldn't recommend it for the weak hearted)

fic name: akai || author: @/itotypes on ao3

#literally did this from character descriptions in the fic i couldn't find a reference itoooo im so sry 😭😭 #rly hope i remembered the bottom scene correctly?? i think chuuya was wearing dazais clothes bc he didnt want earth nation attire💀 #anyway that scene was so hot i was biting back screams the entire time #ALSO I FOUND OUT I CANT DRAW FRECKLES.. WHY IS IT SO HARD #speaking of which dazai looks so cute w freckles and a tan and black hair im investing hes so so cute in this au😭 #i don't even read fics so i was very mentally unprepared for the ending.. ito could've shot me it would've hurt less #anyway forcing all my mutuals to go read akai rn. it's required #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #lotus draws