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queercontrarian · 1 year

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my first azris fanfic ehehe

feels like it was just hours ago i told @iftheshoef1tz about this idea (because it was literally hours ago and i just wanted to contribute something to romance week. i know it's not technically meetcute day, but it's whatever day so i can do what i want). anyways, have the unedited first chapter of my modern azris agegap au snippet bundle - that's a lot of words. i'll shut up now. enjoy.

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Azriel is already in pain when he wakes up, which is usually a bad omen. His knee feels tender, and he hasn’t even gotten out of bed yet. It doesn’t bode well for the day he has planned, and he wonders if he should just call Cassian and cancel their hike for today.

With a sigh he forces himself to throw the warm blanket to the side and at least get his feet on the ground. One small step towards starting this day. A coffee would be nice, he thinks, but Nesta has been on his ass to limit his consumption, which is ironic because his sister-in-law drinks much more coffee than he ever has, but if he has one now he won’t allow himself to have one at Cassian’s house later, and he definitely needs that one to make it through the afternoon and the evening without prematurely passing out on his couch.

With nothing else to do, Azriel stands and slowly makes his way to the kitchen, and yes, the knee is definitely going to cause problems. Once again he curses himself for deciding to walk home in the dark after getting shitfaced at Cassian’s and Nesta’s party, for not seeing that dumb root sticking from the ground and for getting his foot stuck under it. Most of all for having gotten to an age where the pain in his joints doesn’t disappear after a maximum of two days. He knows that he’s not twenty-five anymore, but it’s been more than a month since the party, and he can still feel it. Maybe someone should just shoot him, like a lame horse.

Standing in the kitchen he stares at the coffee pot on the stove, a fancy little espresso maker Rhys got him for his fifty-third birthday, along with a trip to Italy. He realises he hasn’t left these woods since that trip, except for his weekly trip to get groceries at the town’s supermarket, and visiting Rhys and Cassian at their homes located around that same forest he lives in. He’s been moving around, contained to that twenty-five mile radius, for two years.

On second thought, maybe he will have a coffee. While he reaches for the espresso box - another expensive gift from his friends - and both his knee and his shoulder pop this time, he remembers that he went to Greece for Feyre and Rhys’ wedding. That was last year, so he can still count that towards his “recently been active” list. Hanging out with family, travelling overseas. Suck on that, Cassian, he thinks. I’m going places, I’m not rotting away all alone in my cabin. I don’t need to “get out more”. I don’t need to “meet new people”. I’m perfectly fine where I am.

Granted, he is alone right now - he takes his eyes off the stove to look towards the window where Mr. Goggles used to sit. The cat had already been old - and named, as Az always feels the need to stress - when Feyre had given him into Azriel’s care because there was no space for him in Rhysand’s house. It wasn’t that they didn’t have the room - Rhysand’s mansion has more rooms than the two of them can possibly know what to do with - Rhys is just very allergic to cats. So Az had taken the grumpy old furball in and they had lived together for nearly three years. Now Mr. Goggles sleeps in the earth below his favourite window sill, under a small bush of white pansies that Elain says remind her of the fur pattern on his face. Azriel wonders what flowers she’ll put on his grave when he dies. Will they bury him next to the window behind his favourite armchair too? He wants to be cremated, but he’d be fine with a cardboard urn like Mr. Goggles’ casket.

The whistling and clattering of the espresso maker pulls him out of his thoughts. It’s not all that bad. Sure, maybe retiring so early was a mistake - he doesn’t need the money, he just misses having something to do - but when Cassian and Rhys left he hadn’t felt like being the only one to stay behind. Maybe he underestimated just how empty his cabin would feel once he spent more than just the nights and weekends there, with his brothers spending the majority of their time with their wives, ten miles through the forest in the homes they’d built for themselves. He’s not lonely, he doesn’t need or want anyone else in his house, or his life for that matter. The area feels crowded enough with just Old Man Schmidt down the street. Maybe he’ll get another cat. Nesta has mentioned occasionally seeing one roaming about where her office is.

While he sips his coffee he’s still debating whether to call the hike off - his body tells him yes but his brain says if he mentions it to Cassian he’ll come to his house to inspect the old injury himself, and he hasn’t even told him he fell in the first place, and he will undoubtedly notice the pathetic state of Azriel’s house. Everything is reasonably tidy, but it’s painfully obvious no other human being has stepped through the door in months, maybe even a year. The last time he had people over was for Mr. Goggles’ funeral, for Christ’s sake. Azriel shifts his weight onto the damaged knee and immediately regrets it. He bites back a pained groan, letting his head fall back against the cabinet.

Cass would tell him to see a physician. Az hates going to the doctor, and not only for the usual reasons - he hadn’t gotten the memo that it was a bad idea to sleep with, have a messy entanglement and then ditch the only medical professional for nearly 200 miles. He’s not gotten a check-up in almost four years. Neither of his brothers knows that though, and he would rather die than tell them, both about the problem and the reason behind it. Fifty-five feels like the worst age to come out to your life-long best friends.

Summer is already fading, but the sun is still warm on Azriel’s skin. He tilts his face up to the sky as he walks, before he quickly remembers he doesn’t want to sustain another injury and he concentrates on the dirt road under his feet again. He grits his teeth through the strain on his leg and keeps walking.

The quickest path to Cassian’s house leads him from the treeline where his cabin is straight through the clearing past Old Man Schmidt’s property and through the woods. He’s walked this path a thousand times, but something is off today. Old Man Schmidt never has guests over, but this morning there’s a new car in his driveway. When Azriel crosses the street he realises it’s not just the new car, there’s a moving van as well, and parts of the garden are ripped open from construction, old furniture and materials, tools and workers all over the lawn. Az has always been curious, and he’s a little perturbed that he hasn’t noticed what has apparently been going on for a few days already. Has he really been that disconnected from his surroundings? He wanders off the path and up to the fence, leaning against the gate. He tells himself it looks at least a little cool but really he’s just trying to take the weight off his knee. He doesn’t recognise the licence plate on the car, and he tries to look around for Schmidt but he’s nowhere to be found. The last time they spoke he hadn’t mentioned anything about wanting to sell his house. Then again, the last time they spoke was six months ago. Maybe things have changed.

“Can I help you?” Azriel turns his head so fast it almost gives him whiplash, his carefully combed hair immediately falling into his face, obstructing his view. He was so immersed in his snooping that he hadn't noticed the man stepping up to the fence.

“Um, yeah. I’m looking for Schmidt? Boris Schmidt, he lives here,” he manages to say, buying himself a minimal amount of valuable time as he sizes the other man up. He seems to be in his late twenties or early thirties, tall and muscular with silky short hair that is so red Azriel wonders if it’s dyed. None of Feyre’s attempts to colour her hair have turned out this perfect though, so he thinks it just might be real, or done by a very, very pricey stylist. Everything about the stranger screams expensive, from his hair to his crisp white shirt and leather boots. He even smells like it, and Azriel is suddenly very aware that out of all the things he has on, only the shirt and the underwear have been washed in the last three days, and he can’t even remember the last time he put on cologne.

“Mr. Schmidt doesn’t live here anymore. Hasn’t for over a month,” the stranger explains, and his voice is deep and smooth, feels like it wraps itself around Azriel, sliding through his ears and into his brain, muddling his thoughts.

“Oh,” is all he can get out. There’s a short pause where the stranger only stares at Az with his amber eyes, waiting for him to say something more.

Then he asks “Are you the neighbour?”

“Yes.” He clears his throat. “Yes I am. Are you moving in?” The stranger smiles, and good Lord above he is beautiful. Azriel swallows hard around the feeling suddenly bubbling up in his chest, through his throat and spilling into his mouth. He is too old to be reacting like this over a pretty boy.

“I am. Eris Vanserra,” the stranger introduces himself, reaching his hand over the gate. Azriel shakes it.

“Azriel,” he answers, then quickly adds, “Azriel Kantor.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Azriel nearly wishes Eris would stop talking because it is incredibly hard for him to concentrate on coming up with answers when his hand is burning where the man’s skin has touched his, and this is getting ridiculous. Just because he hasn’t gotten laid in one and a half years?

“The pleasure’s all mine,” he says, and means it for once. “I, uh, I live right down there. Can’t miss it.” He vaguely gestures behind himself with the burned hand, trying to shake that feeling off.

“Not like there’s many other houses around,” Eris replies smoothly, a faint smirk still on his lips, and Azriel has to pinch his arm to stop himself from staring.

“Yes. Only me. But my friends live south from here right through the forest. I’m actually going to visit them-” He trails off, and unfortunately the other man picks it up right where he left it.

“Azriel,” he says, embarrassingly breathless from forcing out that one word. Way too late he realises that maybe it was intentional, maybe Eris would prefer not calling him by his first name, and not having Azriel call him by his in turn. He’s being awfully presumptuous. But Vanserra only hesitates for a moment before giving him another smile.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you." Eris is already stepping away from the fence. "I guess I’ll see you around, Mr. Kantor.”

“Azriel,” he repeats, slowly, savouring every letter. “Lovely to make your acquaintance.” He lets a few seconds pass by silently where neither of them move. Then he turns and leaves him standing at the gate, glued to the spot like an idiot.

“You too,” Az calls dumbly after him, too late and too slow. Eris doesn’t look back, only lifts his hand with the smallest hint of a wave, and Azriel quickly looks away and returns to the dirt path, hands buried in the pockets of his pants.

Miles and hours later he can still hear the echo of his name from Eris’ lips in his mind when he raises his hand to ring Cassian’s doorbell.

Maybe he’ll walk back later instead of having Cassian drop him off at home after the hike. His knee doesn’t seem that bad anymore.

#modern azris au #old man azriel #has talked to eris once (1 time) and is already down horrendously bad #sjmromanceweek2023 #do not mention the picture #i needed something to mark the post #hashtag graphic design is my passion #kantor is about as close as i can get to calling azriel shadowsinger #sexy agegaps? we only know pain. physical and emotional #also rip mr goggles you will be missed

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foxydivaxx · 2 months

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Gossip Girl Bad Romance Chapter 8

Here it is, the latest chapter. Will give a bit of insight into Zoro’s past. May write a prequel that focuses on Zoro and his younger years and explain the whole Griffith thing in detail and also his relationship with Sukuna as well. Happy birthday in advance Sanji. Trigger warning: mentions of abuse, eating disorders.

Hello Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here.And boy do I got some hot tea to spill this week!! We have finally gotten a much-awaited public sighting of S and Z together. And about time too. Besides the constant social media updates they have been putting out, well mostly Z, the Royal Couple were recently spotted at a club alongside some of their friends except E and SU as SU has flown E out of the country of course no thanks to the emotional stress the guy has been under thanks to the funeral of his family.

For those who are unaware, E chose to do the burial privately. Hope he is alright. At least SU will hopefully cheer the guy up.

Back to the Royal couple, a certain ex of Z's happened to be at the club that night. Word on the streets has it that the guy got out of his rehab program prematurely and came back to town. Odd considering his family no longer stays on the Upper East Side anymore no thanks to the scandal he caused.

Why has he returned? Probably to get back at S for standing up for Z back then when he tried to destroy the King. Now he wants revenge. We will have to see how that goes because one thing I know is that anyone who dares to cross Z is gonna pay dearly for it eventually. He is called the Demon King for a reason.

As for this club night, the couple did what no one had ever seen them do in the club. Yes, you guessed it, they made out and got all hot and heavy in there. Yes, they literally went there. You should have seen the look on Fuckboy's face when he saw his ex and his current beau do the do in his presence. Could this be all part of some plan that Z concocted in mind? One thing is for certain, King Z is done playing games here and we can clearly see that. Ironically, S’s birthday is this week as well so it must be an early celebration.

Either way, things have gotten heated up and are about to get explosive here. Oooh....can't wait!! Keep it coming boys!!

XOXO,

Gossip Girl

************************************************************************

Zoro sighs as he glances over at the sleeping form of his lover. Being the King of the Upper East Side has its perks but that title comes with its fair share of hurdles and some sacrifices and drama.

He often does not say much but he actually does feel insecure at times. The downside about being famous at a young age is the loneliness you would feel as everyone suddenly puts you on a higher pedestal.

Everyone wants to be your friend once you become popular and most people do not care about you and only want the money.

This is the reason why he is glad that he and Sanji found each other because that is the only other person that could understand that pain and burden. Sure, they started off with the sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship but the truth is, they were both so young back then.

Neither one of them was ready to fully commit to a proper relationship as they had just both gotten out of traumatic toxic ones and had not fully healed. It was the media that forced them to turn it into a serious thing, a true blessing in disguise.

Looking back at his life, he never truly had it easy. His father, a famous action legend and a deadbeat back in the day with addiction problems, his mother Hollywood royalty with a few loose screws herself and deep addiction issues who took out her pain and anger on him since he was the only child she gave to his dad, the other siblings coming from his dad’s previous marriage.

Yes, he was born into one of the greatest Hollywood dynasties but there is a curse attached to that. Almost every generation suffers some sort of tragedy or trauma.

He began his career when he was 3 and that was the most traumatic time of his life. Other kids looked down on him and bullied him because of his immigrant background and would often say racist disgusting things to him.

Ironically, Griffith did the exact same shit to him when they started their relationship. This is in stark contrast to Sanji who goes off all the racist bitches every single time.

Speaking of Griffith, that bastard took advantage of his trauma and naivety and manipulated him into becoming the wolf child that he was back then. Most people do not know this but the reason he helped Sanji with his case against the Charlottes and his father is because of his own trauma with Griffith years ago.

He was just 13 then and Griffith was 19. He lied to cover up for Griffith as the bastard blackmailed him and took advantage of him because truth be told, he was not perfectly sane then. He was a totally wild party boy at the time. It is kind of understandable why Sukuna acts the way he does now. He pushed him away after the guy warned him about Griffith.

It was when they both got arrested that Zoro began to realize how terrible his actions were. He is slowly healing and getting better. He is not quite there yet. There are days when he is all alone and he just breaks down in tears. Now he has to face his past. Truth be told, he is not yet ready emotionally.

He gently runs his hand through those soft blonde licks, musing over how happy he is to have found the love of his life. This same Sanji saved him from Griffith after the bastard showed up last year and almost killed him by poisoning his drink with some arsenic.

The blonde slowly stirs as he finally wakes up from his slumber. “Wait…why are you not sleeping?” he asks with a yawn.

Zoro sighs. “Don’t mind me. Just deep in thought.” It was at that moment that Sanji sits up. “Still thinking about the Griffith thing?” The greenette nods.

The blonde cups his lover’s face with his hands and stares him in the eye. “That was not your fault Zoro. Please do not blame yourself. That bastard had no right to take advantage of you that way.”

The boy just nods and looks down. “Listen, you gave me an incredible gift, an awesome platform to use to share my truth with the world and that has helped me a lot. My love, you deserve the same thing.” Zoro just nods and hugs Sanji.

The tears he had been trying to surpress for years finally began to flow.”Zoro you have done enough for everyone. You need to start thinking about you now.”

Zoro let’s go and smiles. “You have a point. And I know just how to do it.”

At that moment the phone rings. “Hello.”

“Zoro we’ve got a problem!!”

“Wait? What problem sis? What happened?”

“Remember my friend Cathy?”

“Yeah I know her. Is she alright?”

“Cathy told me just now about a couple that came to her with some business proposal for the skincare line she wanted to launch only for those bastards to run off with the money.”

“What are their names?”

“Elena and Maxwell Gilbert.”

“Will run background checks on them.”

Sanji stares at him. “What happened?”

“Perona told me that her friend got scammed by some people.”

He immediately gets his laptop and gets straight to business. He freezes upon seeing the results. Sanji looks over his shoulder and gasps. “Wait…those are…”

“Griffith’s parents. I knew there was something off with that family.” He then began to check police reports. “That family is rich but they made their money through money laundering. That explains a lot.” He then begins to make some calls.

***********************************************************************

Meanwhile, Eren is seated on a swing in a park in Brussels as he stares up at the clouds above him. It was evening, about 7pm to be exact. He chose not to do a public funeral because he does not want excessive media coverage and given how the media tend to sensationalise things, it was for the best.

He was probably going to miss the Midsummer Ball but it is okay. He just needs to clear his head for a bit. The last time he came to Brussels was 3 years ago during Aogiri’s European tour.

He loves how peaceful and calm the town was so when Sukuna suggested that they left for a bit, he asked him to bring him here.

“You okay cupcake?” Sukuna asked as he sits in the swing next to him. Eren nods. “I guess so Papi.” Sukuna takes one of Eren’s hands. “You need to eat something. I don’t like how you keep refusing to eat.”

Ever since that tragedy, Eren has not been really eating and whenever he does, he ends up puking it in the toilet.

“Food can wait.”

“Eren have you forgotten that you nearly fainted at the funeral?! Your family if they were alive would like to see you like this!!”

Eren sighs. There was no winning with Sukuna. “Fine. I will eat something.” Sukuna smiles and helps him up. “Good. Now do not rush to the bathroom after that okay?!” Eren nods.

*********************************************************************

Back in Manhattan, Lelouch and Rukia are handling the arrangements for the Ball. “That disco ball looks sick.” he says, pointing at the disco ball that the decorations team were trying to assemble. “I just thought that a disco themed party would be awesome.” says Rukia.

“Been a while we have had one of those.”

Rukia then smiles at him. “Thanks for helping out.” Lelouch just shrugs. “Oh it’s nothing.”

“You know, we need to hang out more beyond all this sometime.” He grins. “I like the sound of that.”

Light and Natsu come in holding boxes. “Man these are heavy!!” says Light. “Are those the lighting equipment?”

Natsu nods. “That plus the sound.” Rukia then smirks. “This Ball is gonna be extra special because it is a surprise for a certain someone and I think y’all know who I am talking about.” The others exchange smirks.

************************************************************************

Griffith meanwhile is seething in rage. He did not expect Zoro and that tramp to be at the club that night and for them to literally be fucking each other that way.

He had been trying to contact his Allie’s but to no avail. It’s like they are busy or something which he finds strange considering their level in life.

It was then that his phone rings. He picks up the call without checking the caller ID. “About time someone fucking called.”

“Why hello Griffith.”

He immediately freezes. The very last man he expected to hear from. “Z-Zoro?”

“Been a long time hm? Heard you managed to weasel yourself in without anyone noticing.”

The blonde scoffs. “Oh come on. Have you forgotten the good old days we used to sneak into your dad’s place, steal dem car keys and hit town undetected?”

Zoro smirks. Sanji watches the whole thing cautiously. “Ah yes I do remember that and I also remember how you bashed the car and got into trouble afterwards.”

“Y-You are not calling me to reminisce about the good times.”

Zoro’s smirk becomes more devious. “I have some friends waiting for you outside. I believe they want to have a word with you.”

“Raise your hands up!!” Griffith had no choice but to raise his hands. The cops immediately handcuffed him. “You and your family have been evading the law for conning people for years. You also have an assault charge to answer to plus you escaped from the asylum you were placed in as part of your sentencing. This time, we shall not be that merciful.” With that, Griffith is led away.

Zoro heaves a sigh of relief. “Ah I am finally free.” he says with the biggest grin on his face. Sanji rushes over to give him a hug.

**********************************************************************

This past week has been pretty eventful Upper East Siders. Z’s ex finally got re-arrested. According to police reports, he escaped from the asylum he was placed in as part of his sentence.

As if that wasn’t enough, his parents got arrested for conning a wealthy socialite who so happens to be a friend of Z’s older half sister Perona who filed the report against them. There was mention of an assault case which I suspect could be related to Z as there were rumours that their relationship was not consensual at all and that Z was forced into that relationship by the guy because he wanted a piece of the pie, a stark contrast with S.

The upside is that Z now can be a free man without having to deal with that past demon of his anymore.Now if you excuse me, there is a party this weekend that I gotta prepare for.

XOXO,

Gossip Girl

*********************************************************************

“Oi Curly!! Hurry up!! We are gonna be late for the party!!” Zoro yells, checking the time on his watch. He may have a bad sense of direction at times but Sanji is worse in the sense that he is a drama King.

“I am coming!!” Seconds later, Sanji comes out wearing a bedazzled red suit. He chose not to wear a shit or tie this time around. Zoro wolf whistles. He chose to wear a dark green suit. “Well someone be looking smoky tonight!!” Sanji giggles and kisses Zoro on the cheek. “Alright let’s go.” Once Sanji was out of the room, Zoro grabs his phone and sneakily texts Rukia:

We are on the way

As soon as Rukia sees the text, she alerts the others. “Guys, they are on the way.” Lelouch then yells, “Everyone hide!!” The others rush to different parts of the hall whilst Light, Natsu and Grimmjow switch off the lights.

A couple minutes later, Zoro and Sanji arrive. “Huh w-“

“SURPRISE!!” The lights come on and everyone yells.

Sanji gasps in shock as he takes a good look at the room. Eren and Sukuna who were meant to be in Brussels suddenly decided to join them.

“Happy birthday my love.” Zoro says as he kisses Sanji in the cheek. “Wait a minute, how did you guys do this?!”

“Thank Rukia and Lelouch. It was their idea.” says Eren. “We noticed that you never truly had a big party so we figured that we gave you one.” says Rukia. Sanji smiles and hugs both Rukia and Lelouch. “Aww thanks guys.”

The party was in full swing with everyone partying the night away. Even Eren forgot his issues momentarily and joined the fun. Zoro could not help but grin. It was the little moments like this that make him happy. Forget the glamour, forget the fame and money. Moments like this are worth fighting for.

“Ah, that reminds me.” Zoro dashes off and returns with a large box. “My gift for you darling.” Sanji smiles. “Aww thanks.”

“Come on. Open it.” Sanji did not waste time and lifts up the box. He gasps as in the box are two cute little kittens, one brown and the other grey.

“Oh my God!! They are so cute!!” He gives Zoro a kiss on the lips. “Thank you for these babies.” The others watch and smile. Eren films the entire thing and posts it on Instagram and it almost immediately goes viral.

“Anything for you my love. Now what are we naming our babies?” Sanji stares at the kitties. “I will name the brown one Ginger and the grey one Milo.” The kitties purr and nuzzle their new mummy.

#one piece #sanji #zoro #eren jaeger #attack on titan #Sukuna #jujutsu kaisen #rukia kuchiki #bleach #lelouch #code geass

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hairstyleforteen · 3 months

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xtruss · 1 year

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Each healthy act switches on youth-promoting genes and switches off genes that make you age. Illustration By David Plunkert | Commissioned By Graphics Department, Magazine the Big Idea

Want To Live Longer? Influence Your Genes.

By making healthy lifestyle choices, you can self-engineer genetic alterations to prevent disease and boost longevity.

— By Michael F. Roizen | Sunday April 30th, 2023

Take a Moment to visualize your favorite place in the world that requires you to walk up an incline. Maybe it’s the Spanish Steps in Rome or the Potala Palace in Tibet. Or maybe it’s a serene hill in your local park. Or the top row of your favorite team’s stadium.

Now imagine that you’ve reached the summit. Take a look down at the other folks trekking toward you. You will see two kinds of people.

First, there’s the spry set. These are the bouncy beings that kangaroo from the bottom to the top. They’re smiling, laughing, barely breaking a sweat, and fully enjoying the journey. They’re excited about reaching the destination and—despite the fact that it takes some effort—can’t wait to experience what awaits when they arrive.

Second, there’s the group that’s struggling. Those who have to stop and catch their breath 10 times on the way up. Every. Step. Takes. So. Much. Out. Of. Them. Huff. Puff. Are. We. There. Yet?

You’re probably more like one of these groups than the other. What’s the difference between them, besides their speed and the ease with which they travel? It might be their size or age, yes. It’s most certainly their overall health.

But you know what it’s less likely to be? Their genes endowed at birth. Instead, it’s their lifestyle choices.

The Great Age Reboot is the name my co-authors—Peter Linneman and Albert Ratner—and I gave our new book, published by National Geographic. The “great age reboot” is also our term for the transformation we see dawning: breakthroughs in health and medicine that will let us live longer and live younger; advances that will exponentially change our society, our economy, and our future.

‘REBOOTING’ YOUR YOUTH: Science and technology will revolutionize our ability to live longer, younger, and better. So says The Great Age Reboot: Cracking the Longevity Code for a Younger Tomorrow, written by Michael Roizen with Peter Linneman and Albert Ratner. Published in September by National Geographic, it is available where books are sold. National Geographic | [email protected]

To prepare for the great age reboot, you have to be willing to change—not only to get and stay healthy but also to have enough health to repair yourself when repairs are needed. There is certainly a fantastic future ahead. But to enjoy it and relish your longevity, you will need to be a genetic engineer now. The upside? You will literally get to change your family medical destiny—if you want to.

In The United States about 40 percent of premature deaths—defined as occurring before age 75—are related to lifestyle choices, behaviors we can change. Lifestyle and genetics are intertwined, in that your lifestyle choices influence the ways that many of your genes function—and thus how your body functions.

Studies of human gene expression show that if you choose to make certain lifestyle changes, you can influence whether your genes are “on” or “off.” In fact, your choices can influence an estimated 1,200 of the 1,500 genes that are on and probably can influence the other estimated 21,000 that are off.

For example, after implementing changes to their physical activity, stress management, and diet regimens, men were able to turn off genes associated with prostate cancer growth and turn on a gene that produced a protein that causes cancer cells to self-destruct. The same principle applies for colon and breast cancer: Lifestyle changes switched on genes that fought cancer and turned off genes that promoted it.

You have the ability to change how your body works and reacts—and ultimately how healthy you are and how long you may live. You should build a strong foundation now.

Science tells us that by the time you are about 60 years old, 75 percent of your health outcomes are determined by your choices. That’s genetic self-engineering: Each healthy act switches on youth-promoting genes and switches off genes that cause you to age. This process is the result of millions of years of evolution. Good choices (and the proteins that are developed because of them) beget more good proteins, and the activation of bad genes begets more bad and destructive genes being turned on.

You have the ability to change how your body works and reacts—and ultimately how healthy you are and how long you may live. We’ll give you three main reasons your pursuit of optimum health and youth through lifestyle choices is an imperative.

You Should Build a Strong Foundation Now. You probably know people who’ve survived a horrific disease, accident, or surgery—and it was said that their preexisting physical and mental strength fortified their bodies for battle and made them better equipped to endure stresses. That’s true with the recent COVID-19 pandemic: Over 80 percent of COVID-19 deaths were among people older than 65, and severe cases are more likely for those with preexisting conditions, such as obesity, diabetes, heart disease, chronic lung disease, and immune dysfunction.

The same thinking will apply when we’re talking about longevity—that is, healthy choices will help prevent chronic disease and set you up for a long life. The better your physical shape, the higher the chances that new antiaging procedures will “take” at a high level, with fewer complications. Stronger at the start means stronger throughout the entire race and all the way to the finish.

It’s Unclear How Many Reboots You’ll Get. Perhaps in a utopian 25th-century world, there will exist some dressing-room-like catacomb that allows you to walk into a booth, press a few buttons, and erase every cigarette you’ve smoked, every couch you’ve potatoed, every potato you’ve ever fried. But for the foreseeable future, it’s far more likely that your reboot chances will be limited. Your ability to maximize their effectiveness will depend on your commitment to improving your biology through proven means: nutrition, physical activity, sleep, not smoking, and stress management.

No Matter What Happens, Your Brain Needs You. The human brain remains the final biological frontier. So even if science ultimately allows us to correct our cells, genes, and other mechanisms that make our bodies work, when your brain goes, you will too. To maximize the promise of a longer-lasting youth, it’s imperative that you self-engineer your DNA switches to protect your brain—and the steps are the same as those you can take to protect the rest of your body.

The Actions Outlined Below have been shown to have the most influence over your biological function. You’re not going to behave perfectly all the time. Your longevity depends more on the aggregate of what you do most of the time. How can we collectively get to better decisions?

We are in a peak period for access to information and have the most medically advanced health industry of all time. Yet two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese, and millions will die or become ill from choice-related health problems, including heart disease, lung cancer, stroke, diabetes, and dementia (yes, the data show that healthy lifestyles are associated with a 60 percent reduction in the risk of developing dementia).

Finding the right way to motivate ourselves to make better lifestyle choices is not easy, and we Americans have very effectively exported our bad habits to almost every other developed country. However, we do have some data about what has worked. Several factors are common among people who successfully make positive lifestyle changes:

They Achieve “Normals”—Our Term for Satisfactory Health Metrics or Health and Wellness Behaviors—on Six Indicators.* The healthiest bodies are the ones that meet the goals set by the six key indicators listed below. That’s why our barometer for health success is “6 Normals + 2”—normal scores on those six indicators plus two other factors: seeing a primary care physician and ensuring your immunizations are up-to-date.

*SIX KEY INDICATORS OF GOOD HEALTH

Six Key Indicators of the Optimal Health Status that Promotes Longevity:

• Blood Pressure of Less Than 120 mmHg Systolic and Less Than 80 mmHg Diastolic

• BMI (A Measurement of Height-to-Weight Ratio) of Less Than 27 or, Better, a Waist-to-Height Ratio of 0.40 to 0.55

• LDL Cholesterol (A Risk Factor for Heart Disease) of Less Than 70 mg/dL

• Fasting Blood Sugar (Associated with Diabetes) of Less Than 106 mg/dL

• Urine Free of Cotinine (An Indicator of Tobacco Use)

• Completion of a Stress Management Program

They Use Technology. The marketplace is full of all kinds of trackers that provide real-time feedback about our health choices. You can track steps, minutes of activity, heart rate, calories, sleep quality, and much more. While not everyone needs or likes these aids, technology can provide an excellent form of motivation by establishing benchmarks and goals. And it can help you try to reach those goals, especially when combined with the encouragement of a coach. The human touch is key to making the technology meaningful and the changes sustained.

They Leverage Financial Incentives. It’s a basic human reaction: Significant financial incentives have always been a driver of behavior change. Much of the burden of establishing those incentives comes down to how our government and industries reward employees who stay or get healthy. You can improve your financial situation with better health, starting with lower medical costs, higher work productivity, a longer career, and less worry about the impacts of pandemic diseases too.

They Have a Buddy, or Several. You need a built-in ecosystem with your own tribe—a community of people who support one another in pursuit of their goals. It can come in many forms: one person, a small group of people, or a large tribe with lots of people pursuing the same goals. Many of us may experience some combination of those supporters during the evolution of a wellness journey. Having a partner (or partners) in your pursuit of behavior change is the variable that most predicts success.

They Do The Little Things That Matter. Going into a hip replacement at age 59 and again at 64, co-author Peter Linneman was fit, did physical therapy before the surgery, and actively stuck with it after surgery; as a result, he was able to quickly and fully recover. Peter’s physical therapist noted that the scenario for most patients is to go into the surgery weak and ignore the post-op therapy. They blow it off, perhaps thinking it’s really not that important. This is the way a lot of us think about health: Why bother with the little things? Will they really matter that much? Yes! Every little decision adds up, and even more as you live longer.

Science is about to offer you the Garden of Eden. A chance not just at prolonged life but at prolonged youth—or rather, and even better, prolonged youthful years.

But taking advantage of it will be up to you.

— Michael Roizen, M.D., is the Chief Wellness Officer Emeritus at the Cleveland Clinic, a Professor at the Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine at Case Western Reserve University, and author of four number one New York Times best-selling books.

0 notes

punkscowardschampions · 2 years

Text

Casey & Janis Pt.1

Casey: [Okay so real talk that flight takes 3 hrs 17 so call it 4 hours to get to this hospital at most because he probably isn’t bringing literally anything as I said, just bowling it and he do have balloons obvs and they ain’t pink as promised, sis]

Janis: [We’re too relieved to see you and also a terrible patient so if we were even in this bed we’re getting up to hug you]

Casey: [is not a hugger, will always hug you though and we all know it]

Janis: [We can blame the hormones and stress because yeah, valid; we’re just looking you up and down like we can check you’re okay without saying a single word here]

Casey: [meanwhile looking her over and back and forth from whatever she’s hooked up to rn because likewise]

Janis: [idk what that would be but hopefully not a heart monitor ‘cos how cliche if you’re flipping shit lol, sit back down on your bed like okay, behaving and gesturing for him to sit too]

Casey: [I’m cackling, imagine, but do sit please, just be looking at her in too intense of a manner]

Janis: [One of y’all better say something lord help me ‘did reckon you were bluffing for a good while there’ ‘cos was surprised you said you’d come, never mind you being here]

Casey: [‘bit rude’ because it is, we’ve come all this way thank you ‘should’ve done far as the balloons go though, still a pisstake how much them were’]

Janis: [tie ‘em to your bed somehow like won’t lose ‘em then in that case ‘good bit though’ and batting one in his general direction, gently because clearly these ladies are trying to sleep lol]

Casey: [pretend like you’re gonna tie one around this baby’s foot and float her away for the bants but obvs don’t and pick her up instead so you can speak your name suggestions to her, I like to think there’s some absolute bangers but none of them are J’s so they’re not getting picked, cos why would he know you were gonna pop off like that]

Janis: [‘I forgot you’re used to babies’ ‘cos of Bobby because some people have zero clue around them and are so fearful and we were lowkey shocked how you just picked her up for a sec there, we’re just yeah or nah’ing these suggestions in a voice that is meant to be baby Jac’s]

Casey: [‘our kid were small too’ because I imagine Bobby was and you lowkey all were because your mum still smoked as did mine, it’s just Debbie’s energy tbh]

Janis: [it tracks, oh Debs, ‘Libi was premature’ and pulling a face ‘cos Edie was 14 and we cannot imagine giving birth at that age now we have done it, never mind complications]

Casey: [just telling baby Jac not to turn out like Libi in a bants way because we think she’s such a little nerd, soz for the shade, just like ‘you don’t wanna be nowt like her, alright?’ in our soft talking to a bub voice]

Janis: [obviously like please do turn out like Libi ‘I’ve got to raise her, you know’ like she’s not caused me no trouble yet but we are amused and think it’s cute how soft you’re being]

Casey: [a look like yeah exactly, how boring, but then we’re back to softly touching the little bub hair fluff cos can’t stop us]

Janis: [‘how is it so soft?’ whispering ‘cos can’t fathom it, babies are not like normal humans at all]

Casey: [doing a shrug and turning it into rocking this bub a little bit cos not trying to disturb you queen]

Janis: [can’t help but smile]

Casey: [doing a ‘what’s she like your soft af mother’ kind of look at this bub because affectionate pisstakes 5ever obvs]

Janis: [pulling a face at him/this bub but pushing back onto our pillows like as you’ve got this handled]

Casey: [a nod like yes do go to sleep that was the deal]

Janis: [we always fight sleep, soz about it but at least you can relax]

Casey: [we know she do, it’s always been a thing, just telling this bub how to make different drinks because of course that’s what a newborn Jac needs to know]

Janis: [honestly that would be quite soothing lol ‘wish I had [whatever drink we vibe] now’]

Casey: [‘hang on, I’ll go get you one’ dead serious this boy is ‘make it if I can’t’ because what time even is it lol]

Janis: [‘don’t reckon the canteen does ‘em’ like remember where we are lol ‘when I get out’ like we’re serving time here, they’re just checking you’re okay lol]

Casey: [‘that’ll be why you heard me say hang on’ like duh I’ll go rn sneak it in and brb, getting up to genuinely go because still dead serious]

Janis: [‘she’s not allowed to leave, never mind go to a bar’ gesturing at baby Jac like excuse me miss ‘stay here’ quieter but with more intention]

Casey: [I like to imagine he was literally kissing her head on her hair how he do, about to put her down and leave, but ofc then we’re not, soz gal we’re just kissing baby you for no reason now, sitting back down with as much intention and feeling here]

Janis: [‘I know it’s boring but-’ shrugging ‘you only just got here’ reach over and ruffle his hair ‘cos got to pisstake]

Casey: [‘it ain’t that’ literally like I was only going to get you the exact drink you vaguely mentioned because I love you that much, but doing his own shrug ‘when you get out then’ just casually making a date to take you and possibly your baby daughter to the pub nbd]

Janis: [making yeah but kinda noises but not committing to actually saying I’d rather you stayed or anything like that ‘she owes me a ‘round, definitely’]

Casey: [getting comfy to say it’s okay I’m staying without actually saying it ‘owes me my airfare’ lol imagine, pay up]

Janis: [doing our own mini lol ‘got to start keeping track now’]

Casey: [‘you done her an account or what?’ like I will take it out of a piggybank if I must]

Janis: [‘suppose I’ll have to settle hers, trip and balloons technically my request’ sighing big like oh baby Jac, how could you]

Casey: [‘least she’ll be able to do your round herself’ now he’s told her how to make all the drinks lol]

Janis: [‘am I making you miss a shift?’ like speaking of bar work]

Casey: [‘shit at relaxing, you’ like do not worry about it please]

Janis: [‘you knew that’ don’t we all lol but not gonna push it]

Casey: [‘I know you look knackered’ is that even true or are you trying to push her into going to sleep, boy]

Janis: [faux offended ‘I had a wash and everything’ like how dare you ‘I’ll try to sleep but-’ no need to say how hard that will be]

Casey: [‘it’s alright, we can be together’ because I dread to think when you last slept sir, you’re lowkey always knackered yourself ‘between us it’s what, a half decent pair of hands on this kid, that’ll do’]

Janis: [‘you might have to tell me a bit about Manchester, I’ve exhausted the good material this place has, honestly’]

Casey: [‘like what?’ meaning what do you wanna know about what I’ve been up to and what do you want me to pretend I’m not up to so you don’t worry]

Janis: [‘I’ve been so, don’t need the landmarks pointed out’ because y’all were going to go so clearly have by now ‘any of it not gonna raise my blood pressure? I’ll fill in the blanks, like’]

Casey: [‘my old mates have all turned into massive dickheads’ they absolutely have not, it’s just weird you turned up out of the blue and they don’t appreciate the feral way you’ve been acting, letting her fill in the blank of that meaning you’ve made new ones by hooking up with any and all random girls ever]

Janis: [‘never, mates of yours, you said?’ like I am so shocked but we’re doing an oh well kind of sound ‘most people are’ because we’re still pretty anti-social, no matter how old we are ‘long as you’re keeping busy’]

Casey: [‘weren’t my fault I got sacked from my first job back’ it absolutely was, but you weren’t ready for the job that you almost immediately got, clearly ‘but the one since’s been alright’]

Janis: [‘dunno how long I should have off, how long I can hack’ ‘cos got to have some kind of maternity but as you’re self-employed, kind of up to you]

Casey: [‘how long’s that dickhead having?’ meaning poor Jimothy of course]

Janis: [‘[however long your job is giving you, no idea huns]’ probably not long as my boo says, 2 weeks at best but could be less ‘bit of a pisstake’]

Casey: [‘good job I’m here then’ because it is really, like how out of order if there was just a mum and a dad on their own and he gets fuck all time off]

Janis: [‘you can’t claim paternity leave’ like lol real dad bants]

Casey: [‘add it to her tab’ poor baby Jac is gonna have - funds]

Janis: [just giving him a look like you know I appreciate it ‘if I teach her your name before Bobby’s, you take a bit off?’]

Casey: [‘teach her I’m her real dad and it’s all free, like’]

Janis: [just shaking our head in amusement ‘the therapy won’t be’]

Casey: [doing all the things you do when you try and get a baby to say daddy as if she’s not a literal newborn because bants, soz not soz ladies pretending to sleep]

Janis: [‘only so much my incredible genetics can do’ like oh no, guess she’s not a wonder child lol lol, not at all giving this ward so much to goss about]

Casey: [fully holding this bub up in line with Janis’s head and his own like but okay who do she look like everyone]

Janis: [these women, pretending to be asleep 👀 soz hijinx have always amused us]

Casey: [I like to think baby Jac in some way protests because she do be actually trying to sleep, excuse you, so you gotta stop it and hold her again properly and say ‘awkward is right’ affectionately at her]

Janis: [‘best mates more like’ like yeah, you love her, boy]

Casey: [‘Oi, don’t be giving her ideas, not til she’s had a massive bottle I said’ like shhh]

Janis: [a face at baby Jac like that told you hun ‘gotta behave, yeah’]

Casey: [‘which barren bitch have I gotta click at?’ like someone bring me a bottle ffs what kind of establishment are you running here]

Janis: [I just looked and you have to bring a starter kit of these single use bottles for newborns, what a swizz lol, so at least we do not have to involve the nurses here, you can show him how to hold her and get her to latch on]

Casey: [he will be genuinely buzzing if she does, all the encouragement like ‘go on, do you want this or what?’ but in the softest way ever]

Janis: [we can say you’re doing the bottles but not the boobs, for whatever reason gal, sometimes it just does not work but at least you will be eating, just like ta-da when she does ‘well done’]

Casey: [actually grinning, not soz anyone]

Janis: [just grinning back ‘cos can’t not]

Casey: [‘told you it’d be alright’ just in a happy way we’re not even being our usual smug self rn]

Janis: [‘it’s a different story when we try the other way’ ‘cos it’d be so stressful they’re definitely gonna be like just bottlefeed soon ‘cos it’s not worth getting either of y’all that worked up]

Casey: [‘leave it out then’ like just don’t then, as if it’s that simple because to him it is, he’s not a judged first time mother]

Janis: [‘not a quitter’ because we are that bitch regardless]

Casey: [when you’re remembering your underage ex for a sec there because also her energy and your face is iconic]

Janis: [just raising our brows like hello?]

Casey: [obviously you gotta tell her the context she absolutely does not need so do that, I can’t remember if it was said re gross drinks or worse, probably both lol]

Janis: [I think it was both of those things so we’re just like oh great lol ‘can you not, honestly’]

Casey: [‘who else were it you missed?’ like this is who I am, soz, dunno what else you expected hun]

Janis: [‘asking myself the same question’ like how foolish of me now you’re here, yeah ‘given the circumstances, not a comparison I’m after, tah dickhead’]

Casey: [‘nor me’ because we very much did not enjoy thinking it and being reminded]

Janis: [‘bless’ because can’t be sincere even though we half mean it]

Casey: [playfully nudge her with your foot or something because your hands are busy with this bub]

Janis: [just play footsie on the low here, nbd]

Casey: [just adding ‘you’re the dickhead anyway’ like it’s a declaration of love instead of an insult because it do be]

Janis: [‘is that so?’ like your tone hasn’t made us falter]

Casey: [‘yeah’ because he said what he said and he’s not taking it back]

Janis: [‘I reckon you are too’ ‘cos true]

Casey: [‘taking owt you say right now with a massive pinch of salt’ because also true, we know you’re a hormonal sleep deprived wreck]

Janis: [‘Good’ like I’ll say what I like then, no repercussions but we’re not saying anything else]

Casey: [asking baby Jac if she reckons Janis is a dickhead obvs but calling her mammy for the bants]

Janis: [just mouthing not doing it at him like you know what, boy, smirking]

Casey: [😏 no notes]

Janis: [‘do you want a tea or something?’ like you’re not the patient ‘cos lord knows any reason to be up and about]

Casey: [‘I’ll not say no to you making me one’ because we know full well what she’s like, but unlike Jimothy we’re not gonna tell her not to]

Janis: [‘its from a machine, don’t get excited’ like not how amazing we usually are at it, trot off to the corridor gal]

Casey: [do make baby Jac do a thumbs down because like your brother you are also a nerd]

Janis: [😏 ‘nerd’ because correct]

Casey: [‘don’t be speaking to your own daughter like that’ lowkey called after her so it sounds like she said worse than she did]

Janis: I’ll call the social on fatty’s ma before she can me

Casey: *👍

Janis: aw, tah, babe

Casey: She’ll be after adding you on socials and getting the kids together when they’re older, she’ll be back to being my daughter when that all needs sorting

Janis: you ain’t gonna offer to take care of her then, shocking

Janis: Dave clearly does, regularly, this is her 5th or some shit

Casey: not unless you mean take care of her in a do her in way

Janis: I suppose that works too, yeah 🔪

Janis: good luck

Casey: need it for her fat kid when he’s grown up enough to be dating yours

Janis: Not going to happen, regardless of who her dad is

Casey: too right it won’t, not putting loads of work in now for her to suffocate then

Janis: I’ll remind her

Janis: she’s never allowed

Casey: good, make sure you do

Janis: have to do a little bit more than a bottle or she’ll think I’m taking the piss but

Casey: give us chance

Janis: I am, it’s her, bit demanding, dunno where she gets it from

Casey: Me, I don’t piss about when there’s something I want

Janis: there you go, only got yourself to blame then

Casey: heard it before, yeah

Janis: worse things to be

Casey: probably heard most of that list, an’ all

Janis: not brought you here to repeat ‘em

Casey: brought me here to teach this lass how to talk, I know

Janis: 👍

Janis: I’m going to look for sugar, she’s alright?

Casey: [take a picture like yes look]

Janis: tah

Casey: You told him I’m here yet

Janis: Not yet

Janis: we can say you got here for visiting hours

Casey: he ain’t gonna want me staying, and I don’t mean past them hours

Janis: it’ll stop me worrying about you

Janis: we can set some basic ground rules, it’ll be alright

Casey: if he starts, you know it won’t

Janis: I’ll ask you both to not

Casey: I’m not gonna, I said

Janis: We can sort it then

Casey: alright then

Janis: if it don’t, then I’ll make it, regardless of quitter being tainted

Casey: do fucking wonders for your blood pressure, that will

Janis: you’ll both behave then

Janis: great emotional blackmail

Casey: I’m not having either of ‘em try and force me out and make me go back on what I said about being about

Janis: I’ll call

Janis: so it’s not a surprise

Casey: I did Ian, can’t remember if I said when I got here

Janis: maybe to your bezzie

Janis: he got much to say?

Casey: nowt you’ll be bothered about, congrats got a bit lost in what a disgrace I am, like

Casey: piss easy to get brave on the end of the phone

Janis: sorry

Janis: I should’ve, he’s never actually called me a slur to my face, like

Janis: he’ll be back in with his missus now 🙄

Casey: I should’ve told him to his face, be more of a laugh

Janis: wouldn’t have been gutted for him and his blood pressure

Casey: they get less bothered about measuring how high it is when it’s pissing out of you so nowt to worry about there

Janis: 😏

Casey: be gutted for her if she had to go round his and pretend she don’t already know soon as they’ve met what a knobhead he is

Janis: Never

Janis: he’d have to change habits of a lifetime before that was happening

Casey: stick with never

Janis: I’d bet on it, yeah

Janis: not having a good granddad never fucked no one up so

Casey: if not for me Jim’s really fucked her over on the family front though, poor kid

Janis: more ain’t better, ask anyone

Casey: what’s an uncle who can’t even tell when she’s crying, he’s not brought nowt else to put on the table 🃏

Janis: be weird if I picked him based on how full his christmas day was

Casey: don’t ask me why the fuck you did, I’ll never know

Janis: and you don’t wanna hear an answer so I won’t

Casey: pinch of salt, remember

Janis: you seeing him how I do would be weird, and unnecessary

Casey: weird and unnecessary enough you seeing him how you do, yeah

Janis: you’re persistent

Casey: I can’t help being right

Janis: that’s my line

Casey: you’ve fucked it by not being, soz

Janis: what would be the right answer, then

Casey: there ain’t no right answer for why you like him, you shouldn’t do but you won’t be told

Janis: you ain’t ever liked someone you shouldn’t

Casey: under the circumstances am I meant to say I shouldn’t have gone near her

Janis: if I meant her

Casey: if you meant her I ain’t that sorry, and if you never, I’d bet the answer’s no different on whoever you did

Janis: there you go

Casey: there you go trying to make it the same

Janis: why’s it not

Casey: I’d be told if I were going after lasses like him

Janis: he’s not your type

Casey: he’s nobody’s type

Janis: you know loads of people fancy him, always have

Casey: might’ve til they get to know him a bit

Janis: likewise on that one

Casey: I ain’t throwing you a 2nd wedding, get over it, mate

Janis: I’ll survive, I reckon

Casey: no worries if you don’t, I’ll have the kid

Janis: Ha

Janis: so much for caring if I died, dickhead

Casey: if it’s got owt to do with him it’s nowt to do with me

Janis: well, if it’s just about blame

Casey: you’ve got nobody else to blame but yourself for your shit taste in husbands

Janis: only had the one, not a fair comparison

Casey: makes it worse

Janis: I dunno, I met some of ‘em on the stairs

Casey: dunno what to tell you if you saw a ring

Janis: 😏

Janis: finally found a ward with sugar though

Casey: Only need the 6, that’s fuck all

Janis: clearly a thief or someone going mental with their sugars about

Casey: got no milk here, the kid’s gone mental and drank it all so

Janis: result

Janis: you can stick about

Casey: have to, she’s taking the piss out of you

Janis: speaking of

Janis: did you tell Archie stuff about me or was she just chatting shit because she was fuming

Casey: Depends

Janis: depends what you said, yeah

Casey: I can’t answer that without knowing what she said

Janis: yeah, that is the issue

Janis: I’ll see if I can bring it up after my drink, maybe

Casey: it ain’t dutch courage

Janis: is too

Casey: just tell me, you’ve already started

Janis: she said of course you gave it to me to give back, can you fill in the blanks or

Casey: can you not yourself, who else would do it

Janis: could’ve been doing it for shock value, seems like what she aims for

Casey: she knows we used to be mates, that I’ve got no others who’d do me a favour

Janis: alright, it’s fine

Casey: it obviously ain’t fine with you or you’d not have brought it up

Janis: ‘cos mates weren’t how she put it but she was just doing that for this reason

Casey: I’ve said nowt to her I wouldn’t to your face

Janis: I believe you

Casey: if mates weren’t how she put it, it weren’t how I put it

Janis: okay

Casey: she worked it out I wasn’t just volunteering bollocks about you as foreplay, like

Janis: obviously not

Janis: my ego don’t stretch that far, don’t worry

Casey: I should’ve chucked it instead of asking you to give it her back anyway

Janis: all done now

Casey: she would be a wind up now not when I wanted her to be

Janis: you can’t go there again

Casey: ain’t the babysitting I’m here for

Janis: Good

Casey: she’d not have me again

Janis: no, doubt it

Casey: what you warning me off for then

Janis: I don’t want to have to tell you to piss off

Casey: you’ve told me not to touch her no more, I won’t

Janis: don’t make it sound so easy

Casey: it is

Janis: Casey

Casey: you heard, it is

Janis: [bring this tea back so you shut up girl]

Casey: [drink it so you shh too please]

Janis: [not like we keep looking at you then away then back so casual]

Casey: [fully looking at you meanwhile, unrepentantly]

Janis: [unlucky this baby is blatantly asleep and you can’t be disturbing her for distraction]

Casey: [could be evil and bring your man back though]

Janis: [awkward lmao]

Casey: [question is do we wanna haha]

Janis: [should probably be kinder and say you had the chance to call so we can do that when this tea has been drunk in tension]

Casey: [Jimothy’s face otherwise would be worse than your dream you had]

Janis: [we all deserve a lil bit of warning, pop off to do that again then gal]

Casey: [the way he’s still holding this baby though, literally will be until Jimothy comes and takes her which will break my heart like it did on Gavin and Stacey with baby Neil but he’s literally her father so it should not]

Janis: [my boo says brain he’s got every right lmao]

Janis: They know you’re here now

Casey: 👍

Janis: basically, bit optimistic but

Casey: I’d put all her money on it being more than a bit

Janis: don’t stress, everyone has to do what I say rn

Casey: you

Casey: I am doing what you say

Janis: they’ll have to give it a go as well

Casey: When they coming

Janis: [whenever actual visiting hours start]

Casey: then what I piss off home so he can have my seat

Janis: We can do it like that

Janis: I reckon they’ll send me home end of this day

Casey: it’s up to you how it gets done

Casey: just tell me what you want

Janis: I don’t know

Janis: let me think

Casey: got til [visiting time] if you need

Janis: I’ll work it out before then

Casey: yeah

Janis: [come back and deal ‘I know, convincing’ ‘cos it is not but there we are]

Casey: [‘you don’t have to put owt on for me’ because true]

Janis: [just looking at baby Jac still being held by this boy ‘feel bad splitting yous up’]

Casey: [‘don’t have to do that either’ not elaborating if we mean you don’t have to feel bad for doing it or you don’t have to do it at all]

Janis: [‘on the one hand, you don’t really wanna see him, so you could go home and sleep, on the other, you’ll see him there soon enough and maybe we should get it over and done now’]

Casey: [‘I’ll not sleep’ like if that makes any difference, because he won’t]

Janis: [‘we’ll leave together later’ ‘cos just need to decide now]

Casey: [‘okay’ not alright because it matters]

Janis: [smile ‘if I can’t make you suffer through this place with me, what’s the point, like’]

Casey: [‘ain’t even chatted to no other milfs yet’ calling you a milf it’s fine]

Janis: [pointedly looking round like who would you pick lol]

Casey: [nod to whoever you genuinely would, if you had to]

Janis: [just looking these gals up and down in a way they did not consent to this AM and nodding like hmm, okay, I approve lol]

Casey: [pretend like you’re off but then look down at the baby like oh yeah, still got this, as if she’s chained to this bed specifically]

Janis: [‘can’t use her to pull quite yet’ like single mums have some chill]

Casey: [‘no need, tah’ because you’re not gonna flirt with anyone else or because you’d be fine without the help, shan’t specify]

Janis: [‘probably not’ because we do not know so we’ll resort to shading these ladies]

Casey: [just looking at her because always]

Janis: [got to maintain it ‘what?’]

Casey: [‘you need owt before they get here?’ shouldn’t sound saucy but does]

Janis: [try not to blush ‘cos it really does ‘you?’]

Casey: [‘I asked you and you’ve not answered, why would I?’]

Janis: [‘you go after what you want’ look at the bub ‘be a good example’]

Casey: [‘yeah’ like I am literally here so I am]

Janis: [nod like same ‘cos we’re not saying anything else rn]

Casey: [‘should have regrets up my neck for it so you reckon’]

Janis: [‘how many?’ not a full question there but we mean how many do you actually have]

Casey: [‘you know how many’ because we literally only regret that break up row and this rn ie your blood pressure and baby Jac getting born early]

Janis: [‘you’re in a more favourable position’ like I’d be really fucking up if I did anything here]

Casey: [‘maybe’ like would you though]

Janis: [‘definitely but-’ pause ‘cos but what ‘-no one to blame but myself’]

Casey: [‘could be’ like we can blame me it’s fine]

Janis: [just looking at you again]

Casey: [‘that easy’ because everyone would blame him lbr and also gotta bring those words back from a bit ago]

Janis: [shake head ‘not a bitch who’s going to bet on it’ ‘cos we don’t wanna do that, not ‘cos we think it’s not true]

Casey: [‘not a bitch, more like’ cos we love you]

Janis: [‘give it a go’ we’re trying lads ‘you know that’ like I’m the one person trying to unfuck your life rn]

Casey: [‘you’re the one who said how it works’ because she was literally like you need a reason to unfuck your life and hers was because love obvs]

Janis: [‘you know what I want for you’ because we’ve said that enough times too]

Casey: [‘and you know what I want for you’ because likewise Jimothy is not it in our POV and we’ve not been subtle about it]

Janis: [you gotta just sit here breathing so heavily ‘they won’t let me home, this rate’]

Casey: [‘good, we can stay here’ cos just holding this bub like would be fine honestly]

Janis: [‘one of us probably has to be in a coma to take up residence’]

Casey: [‘hit me then’ should not sound saucy either but here we are]

Janis: [‘goes against everything I believe in’ like soz no but have your words back]

Casey: [‘no it don’t’ because you’re not Jimothy and we know it]

Janis: [‘it should’ all the meanings]

Casey: [‘why?’ likewise]

Janis: [‘someone’s mother’]

Casey: [‘not mine’ because he’ll do this if he wants and you don’t need to worry about fucking up his life energy]

Janis: [the laugh happening despite the tension]

Casey: [‘you should do what you like, that’d be the best example’]

Janis: [look at him like it really would not be]

Casey: [‘be happy, it’s that simple’]

Janis: [‘you’ like what are we saying there, who knows]

Casey: [‘you’ because it’s the only acceptable answer regardless]

Janis: [‘okay’]

Casey: [just a LOOK because we can]

Janis: [return it we’re at that point lbr]

Casey: [‘you gonna make me ask again?’]

Janis: [‘I answered’ like just take that question mark away]

Casey: [‘you gonna make me tell you again then?’]

Janis: [act like you’re thinking about it]

Casey: [his own lol despite this cray tension]

Janis: [‘I missed you’ lowkey blurting it out in response]

Casey: [‘I love you’ because same gals]

Janis: [however far apart you were sat, couldn’t be far, closing that gap regardless, hi baby Jac]

Casey: [don’t squish her please]

Janis: [‘I love you too’ ‘cos clearly for this to happen]

Casey: [‘then’ as if it’s a full sentence because it lowkey is in this instance, as far as he’s concerned y’all can do what you want]

Janis: [just putting your hand over his where he’s holding this child]

Casey: [obvs gotta stroke her hair for the first time ever]

Janis: [the shakiest breath ever]

Casey: [likewise I’m sure ‘when you get out’ like I’m not gonna fully seduce you on this ward but just know I intend to]

Janis: [‘I believe you’]

Casey: [‘I dunno if I do’ like can I actually wait that long, the answer is no]

Janis: [‘be sure’ like he’s gonna turn around and nah this now]

Casey: [just so quickly press your lips to hers that nobody but y’all could be sure it happened in response]

Janis: [the strength to not turn that into a full kiss, the shock would help but not much]

Casey: [both using every bit of your self control rn cos you know he wanted to do that too sis, but instead we’re gently pushing her back onto her pillows like get away from me rn before I do but obvs it’s really hot, soz]

Janis: [we’re letting you know that how we can without making a noise here]

Casey: [‘I-’ literally has never been lost for words in his life]

Janis: [‘I wanna hear it all’ like you have to wait ‘til we’re alone so you can say it]

Casey: [looking at her and this baby and back again like no offense my new fave but it’s slightly awkward you’re here rn and soz I do keep forgetting you are]

Janis: [likewise honestly ‘she has a cot’]

Casey: [‘she gets put down and you’re not’ because true, like this baby do be the only thing stopping this whole ward seeing some shit]

Janis: [when that’s blatantly tempting but also an impossibility ‘hold tight’]

Casey: [do because she told you too, just LOOKING at her like]

Janis: [this is just tortuous nbd ‘she told me you wanted me’ least you can say that now, now you’re sure]

Casey: [‘I do’ because you would’ve said it anyway but you definitely can now]

Janis: [‘Me too’ to every possible way you could take that]

Casey: [when you have to make a sound you then have to style out, excuse us everyone, because you didn’t expect her to ever so we’re dying here]

Janis: [bite your lip so you don’t]

Casey: [‘what?’ like she said something you couldn’t hear because almost true]

Janis: [‘you could come closer’ terrible idea but here we are]

Casey: [but clearly getting on this bed next to her just there like hey, casual married couple vibes nbd]

Janis: [least we can make the noises we need in your ear at this proximity]

Casey: [just squeezing her hand so hard in response because this is torture]

Janis: [just scowling at these people like they have no right to be here because it seriously is and we’re not fine]

Casey: [‘does it hurt?’ because you did just have a baby and we don’t know how else to phrase the question of could you even do this rn or not]

Janis: [from what I know it’s v case to case in the literal sense here, we’re just nudging him ‘cos yeah it does thanks to you but we don’t know ‘I know how it feels right now’ like I’m turned on but that’s as far as we can say]

Casey: [‘we could stop, maybe’ like I could try if I had to sis, if it did hurt you ‘I have waited this long’ nbd just since I was 12 a casual decade]

Janis: [‘I know’ looking at him a bit sad but not elaborating more than that ‘you shouldn’t have to, when we do, we’ll figure it out’]

Casey: [‘loads else we could do, you know’ because there is literally everything and anything]

Janis: [‘had crossed my mind’ squeezing his hand ‘cos it is rn]

Casey: [casual list of all the things happening whispered in her ear, for absolutely no reason except torture, like has this or this though]

Janis: [just dying here, at least you can bite his ear as some kind of payback, ‘what have you wanted the longest?’]

Casey: [tell her whatever that big fantasy of yours is, boy, I can only speculate wildly because you’re a bit of a one, could be wild]

Janis: [‘that, that then’ whatever it was ‘cos we have to at this point]

Casey: [I imagine her hair is up because we meant business having a baby a bit ago, so taking it down in a very deliberate manner because much like when you were with Archie on that plane you’re limited what you can get away with here but we all know when her hair is down you can get away with kissing her neck or pretending you did in the case of fake dating, however brief you’re gonna have to be about it]

Janis: [we’re all taking what we can get here, you’re already doing the most for a hospital ‘I-’]

Casey: [‘yeah, me too’ because whatever you were gonna say, hard same tbh]

Janis: [nod because it did track and we’re happy about that, just touching his chest over his top but we must]

Casey: [just get her to feel your heart like thank fuck I’m not hooked up to any machines here]

Janis: [rest your head so you can hear ‘cos we could just be medically interested far as any of y’all know shh]

Casey: [‘changed my mind about the coma, don’t tell us if I’m about to go into one’ because we very much wanna leave this hospital thank you]

Janis: [‘you ain’t going anywhere’ like don’t you try it, boy]

Casey: [‘nor are you’ manoeuvring so you can give her this baby and therefore hold her because she’s already snuggling you basically]

Janis: [nothing to see here, we’re not fully going with this]

Casey: [just a fam snuggle with the wrong boy, mind your business please]

Janis: [you are gonna have to keep track of the time girl, so you don’t just fall asleep like this]

Casey: [it would be too tempting honestly, he’s just fully got his arms around you while you’ve got this warm snoozy little child]

Janis: [must resist, hard as that’ll be, untangle yourself slowly]

Casey: [trying to stop her from doing that automatically and inadvertently pulling her more into your lap like oh no did not mean to do this but also not at all soz I have]

Janis: [just taking the time to show you why you should be soz/not at all like we have all the time in the world here]

Casey: [so turned on as if your brother isn’t likely to appear at any given time, it’s fine, not like it’s visibly obvious or anything, oh no wait]

Janis: [‘what are you gonna do?’ because honestly]

Casey: [‘what are you gonna do?’ as if we have the time or opportunity for this]

Janis: [pouting ‘cos we cannot ‘all we could is if you go take a walk’ like I can get you off but I can't touch you to do it currently]

Casey: [‘I’ll be back in a bit then’ because it’s the only realistic option here lads]

Janis: I might’ve wanted to ask when you last touched yourself thinking about me was anyway

Casey: What time is it

Janis: [whatever it is, clearly not late as we were were being careful]

Casey: [however many hours ago then, because the vibe is not long ago clearly in relation to the fact we’re not supposed to be doing shit like that]

Janis: Jesus

Janis: I can’t wait to touch you, properly

Casey: I love you, I said

Casey: I always have, what else am I gonna do

Janis: I’m sorry, it’s been so long

Casey: it’s a pisstake and you’re a dickhead but that don’t matter now

Janis: It will be worth it

Casey: I know that

Janis: not yet but soon

Casey: you heard, I know it now

Janis: I can’t believe you came back, I thought you’d gone for good

Casey: I told you I’d do it, anything

Janis: I was thinking about you constantly, I wish you’d called me at Ian’s

Casey: I wanted to but she got in my face before I had chance, couldn’t even start smoking again properly, like

Janis: maybe I had to be this scared to lose you

Casey: don’t say that, I weren’t ever leaving you

Janis: I know that now

Casey: I thought you wanted me to piss off, for a bit

Janis: I didn’t want you getting hurt, I never wanted you to go though

Casey: I thought I’d pushed you too far an’ all

Casey: what I done

Janis: I don’t have to support it to not turn my back on you

Janis: I can’t, I clearly can’t

Casey: I couldn’t hack you having a kid with him, getting married was shit enough, but it’s a bit of paper, not a new person

Janis: I thought I’d pushed you too far

Casey: a fuck you for a fuck you, then, I’ve had worse ideas, til it was your underage cousin or whatever she is

Janis: It was bad enough hearing randoms

Janis: then realising it was her

Casey: flip it round so I’m hearing you and him all the fucking time, yeah, before it does your head in too much

Janis: It made me jealous, you weren’t wrong

Casey: she’s a headcase and she knew it, you weren’t wrong, you ain’t much of an actress, mate

Janis: don’t, it’s embarrassing

Casey: Go on, what did she say

Janis: that she only had to mention me and you came

Casey: I dunno how that’s embarrassing for you, it happened to me

Janis: well I told her I didn’t like that she used that against you, ‘cos I didn’t but then she said she knew I wanted you too

Casey: you do, it still ain’t got nowhere embarrassing

Janis: she said she bet I touched myself listening to you, okay

Casey: we’ve all done that, her included

Janis: bighead

Casey: she did loads of way more embarrassing shit for me, she’s got a nerve trying to have a go at you

Janis: She knew that we were mates, she must’ve thought she could change that

Casey: I told her I reckoned I loved you, ages ago, when I was a kid, ‘course she got mardy I thought about you how she did me

Janis: Whatever, I saw you first, not fighting with a kid

Casey: I got there first, you’d look like you was copying me now if you smacked her about

Janis: I ain’t gonna touch her

Janis: be honest, I didn’t give much of a shit about her, especially once she got back and one-upped herself

Casey: makes two of us

Casey: I’d never have touched her if I didn’t reckon I’d lost you

Janis: I didn’t know what to do

Janis: what I could

Casey: I knew what I had to, you hurt me, I hurt you

Janis: it worked

Janis: understatement

Casey: yeah, I lost control of it, a bit

Casey: her, me, what the fuck I was trying to achieve

Janis: I know you

Janis: you tried to tell me but I weren’t ready to hear it

Casey: typical of you, leave it til the kid’s here to butter me up

Janis: weren’t the plan

Janis: there wasn’t one

Casey: I got that, you scared the shit out of me today, dickhead

Janis: I was scared, am

Janis: but since you’ve been here I feel better

Casey: you ain’t getting rid again

Janis: I want the opposite of that

Casey: it’s gonna be okay, I’ll make it okay

Janis: I want you around, I need you, there has to be a way

Casey: there is, I’ll be here, who the fuck’s stopping me

Janis: It won’t be easy, I can’t promise anything like that

Casey: I don’t give a shit how it is, I’ll take being with you over not

Janis: Me too

Janis: I shouldn’t say I’m excited but

Casey: I know you feel it, I felt it coming off you, you don’t have to say anything

Janis: I like how you talk though

Casey: probably ‘cause you’re the only person I have a clue how to talk to

Janis: you should give yourself more credit, be well rude of me to be excited about that too

Casey: for what, foreplay, that’s all I talk to other lasses for

Janis: do you know, how many you’ve been with

Casey: honestly I’ve lost count, ain’t even saying it to sound big headed, I just don’t really care

Janis: I’ve been around you enough to know it tracks

Janis: it’s so different to my experience

Casey: it’s been a shit blur since I sent her back

Janis: I hate that

Casey: I couldn’t do owt to stop my head but it were the thing that meant I’d not ring you, not like drinking or kicking some random lad’s head in

Janis: It makes sense, you didn’t wanna do any of that to me

Casey: I just couldn’t stand it

Janis: you’re not gonna lose me, no matter what

Casey: you know I’d do a Debbie before I could, dead or MIA proper

Janis: don’t

Casey: don’t leave me then

Janis: I’m keeping you

Casey: What about him

Janis: I don’t know right now

Janis: but he’ll always be around, you know that much

Casey: not if I kill him

Janis: Casey

Casey: it’d be easier, deny it

Janis: you can’t just disappear people

Janis: let’s be realistic about it

Casey: alright, I’ll make him wanna disappear, tell him he fucking has to, like I did Hayley before

Janis: he’s not done anything wrong

Janis: that’s me

Casey: come on, he’s not done right or we wouldn’t be here having this chat

Janis: no, it’s not that simple

Janis: wouldn’t be here married with a kid if it was

Casey: Do you still love him, is that it

Janis: Yes

Janis: I mean, I thought so

Janis: I didn’t know I was going to do this

Casey: do you still wanna fuck him

Casey: like, literally right now would you or nah

Janis: not right now, no

Casey: alright, do you still wanna be married to him

Janis: we’ve spent the last decade together, just me and him

Janis: it’s hard to say if that’s a good choice or a bad one, you’re taking the gamble

Casey: can’t tell if that’s a yeah or a nah, don’t look good though, I’d reckon, if I can’t do a definite 👍👎

Janis: It’s complicated

Janis: you’re different

Casey: Go on then, how am I

Casey: we’ll work this out, uncomplicate it a bit

Janis: you’re just different people in my life, you’re my best mate but I still love you and I wanna fuck you right now

Casey: ‘cause you’re scared of how things are going with him or

Janis: no, it’s separate

Casey: how long for

Janis: what bit

Casey: all of ‘em

Janis: I’ve loved you the whole time, same for being mates until we weren’t

Janis: and I’ve wanted you for a while

Casey: when did you stop wanting him

Janis: its not been the same since I got pregnant and everything went wrong

Casey: knew the kid were on my side

Janis: you fucking girls so loudly did not help

Casey: Depends how you look at it, helped us get to here

Janis: if you’re waiting for a thank you

Casey: not exactly what I’m waiting for, but you can say it after if you want

Janis: I want it to live up to what you’ve imagined

Casey: it’ll be better than what I made you listen to

Janis: I need you so bad it’s all I can think about and everyone knows it

Casey: How long before the nurses have to act bothered if you go for a walk an’ all

Janis: will you be pissed off if I make a suggestion

Casey: you must reckon I might to phrase it like that

Janis: it’s a bit, you’ll either love it or hate it

Casey: I’m listening, go on

Janis: well, if I wait ‘til he gets here, he can look after the baby and no one will be looking for me whilst I take a shower

Casey: girl, there’s nowt I love more than making him look a dickhead

Casey: except for you, like

Janis: I know, I can’t help wanting to turn you on more

Casey: he better look after her though, I will be fuming if I come back and she’s crying

Janis: I can’t handle you being so

Casey: I could be her dad, you don’t need him

Janis: don’t, I’m already being the worst to him

Casey: but we could, just think about it

Janis: I’m too wet

Casey: another kid then

Janis: fuck

Janis: you don’t want no kids

Casey: there’s nowt I wouldn’t or don’t wanna do with you

Janis: don’t make me cum thinking about your babies

Casey: I’ll give you one right now if you want me to

Janis: you wanna replace him

Casey: I thought you looked well fit when you were pregnant, he don’t know what he’s on about

Janis: we could’ve had a lot of fun, I was always horny

Casey: no need to past tense that shit, babe

Janis: you’re good with her, it’s a turn-on

Casey: I’ll love her the same as ours, it’ll be just like she’s mine too

Janis: I can’t believe I already want another because of you

Casey: so let me

Janis: we’re fucked, so fucked

Casey: I’ll fuck you round the clock if it’s gonna take that long, got no job to piss off to

Janis: It will be just us three then

Casey: she’ll behave for me, be well chuffed to get a brother or sister out of it

Janis: I might, if you keep talking like that

Casey: ‘course you will, you want it an’ all

Janis: you really wanna take care of me, yeah

Casey: haven’t I always done it

Janis: mhmm

Janis: you were so cute

Casey: I protected you and you never even saw me doing it,‘cause of your massive ego I didn’t wanna put as big a dent in

Janis: how

Casey: I found out where Lucas lived, didn’t just chuck that desk at him

Janis: serious

Casey: [tell her his address]

Casey: he’s still there, but he wouldn’t be if he’d gone near you again

Janis: oh my god

Janis: you’re, you’ve always been

Casey: [give her some other examples of any other times you’ve done a similar thing in the era we’ve not gone to, post fake dating cos I’m sure there are]

Janis: Baby

Casey: I’ll do the same for all the kids, you know I will

Janis: you’re killing me

Casey: Be a pisstake if I have to touch you to do it, you’d be the only lass

Janis: you wouldn’t do all that for them

Janis: like I wouldn’t

Casey: there won’t be no more of ‘em, they’ll have to sort themselves out

Janis: you want my body, me

Janis: you shouldn’t waste your time

Casey: that’s all it were, me waiting for you or trying to get your attention

Janis: you only had to walk in and you would’ve caught me so many times

Casey: fuck

Janis: you would’ve, my pussy was ready for you

Casey: just like now

Janis: I wanna touch myself but it’ll be loud, they’d know

Casey: have a heart, they’ve got nowt else to do or think about even once they’re home, you’ll be sorting them out for years

Janis: I should’ve told you to fuck me here

Janis: I wanted to have you alone, so selfish

Casey: nah, it’s my fault, I can’t help but wanna have you everywhere, I’m the dickhead

Janis: mine

Casey: don’t be fucking saying that unless I can hear you say it, like

Janis: he’s in the car

Janis: how am I going to look at him

Casey: easy, don’t

Janis: give me something to look at, I miss you

Casey: [do obviously]

Janis: let me say it

Casey: I can’t, it’s so out of order of you

Janis: but it’s true

Casey: you was only looking at me when she used you against me, did she let you know that

Casey: what do you reckon’ll happen if I let you go about saying what you like, when you like

Janis: no, bitch, she didn’t try to make it sound good for me

Casey: sounds like her

Janis: I wanna make you cum by looking at you, tell me

Casey: look at me then, she don’t need to be getting fucked this time round

Janis: [facetime just to look at you]

Casey: [the way that would work though]

Janis: [just dropping our phone ‘cos casually the hottest thing we’ve ever seen]

Casey: [thank god there’s some space between these beds on this ward tbh]

Janis: I fucking love you

Janis: and I want that every day please

Casey: Days are long, you can have it many times as you want

Janis: so many places you can cum when you aren't giving me babies

Casey: not the park though, it’s been well tainted for me

Janis: I meant all over me but okay

Janis: probably a good idea anyway, as I’m a milf now

Casey: yours is better

Janis: I wanna look how you made me feel

Casey: I can’t get over how you look, ever

Janis: don’t, you always make me feel good

Casey: you had a fucking kid today and the state of you, I mean it in the best way

Janis: it’s easier to look fuckable when I feel it

Casey: I get it, constant is how you want it, I can do that

Janis: that’s how I am, waiting for you, needing to know what it’s like to have you all to myself how I’ve dreamed

Casey: I needed to be inside of you instead of the plane, so yeah, I get that an’ all

Janis: you’d break my heart if you still reckoned it was too soon

Casey: I don’t wanna break you, but I’ll steady on a bit, be alright

Janis: we can try

Casey: I’ll do it like when I knew it was a lass’ first time

Janis: yeah?

Janis: I’ve never done that

Casey: I dunno how good my acting is, but I’ll have a go, if you wanna

Janis: I like that you care about me, whether we manage that or not

Casey: I don’t care about nobody else, there’s loads to chuck at you, be a bit awkward if you didn’t like it

Janis: I do, and I care about you right back

Casey: I care about the baby too, but she don’t do much to give it back at the minute so

Janis: True

Casey: I’ll be so gentle putting the next one in, I promise

Casey: and there when it comes out this time

Janis: God

Janis: it should be slow, take our time

Janis: we waited so long, you especially

Casey: hours

Casey: it’ll piss you off you said slow

Janis: yeah, like only you can

Casey: I’m gonna touch you everywhere first

Casey: and kiss you

Casey: you have no fucking idea how much I want to

Janis: I want to claim every inch of you, let you have all of me

Casey: Speaking of slow, can he hurry the fuck up driving or what

Janis: if I stop replying, you know he’s here and I’m on my way asap

Casey: and if you don’t, he’s in the right place for when I knock him out and come get you

Janis: stay put, you

Casey: Alright, since you was cute about it

Janis: cute, yeah

Casey: what I said, yeah

Janis: once I remember you’re not taking the piss, think I like it

Casey: only the usual

Janis: who’d I even be talking to otherwise

Casey: Oi, have I not behaved since I got here, just how you asked for

Janis: tah for the reminder, got to try and not seem totally out of it here, you know

Casey: I fucking love you so much, how’s that far as reminders go

Janis: I’m not used to it, or over it, even a little

Casey: tah, that would be a bit too soon

Janis: not gonna happen

Casey: I could have a go at making you cry if you don’t wanna chat to him

Janis: If I’m doing this, I have to, can’t avoid him forever, that’ll be more suspicious and weird

Janis: anyway, wouldn’t that be a bit of a mood killer

Casey: depends if that’s the one time in your life you look ugly, but I’d not bet on it, so nah, don’t have to be

Janis: if you try calling me ugly to make me cry, I’ll just get fuming, like

Casey: what would I be telling such piss poor lies for, who the fuck have I become in this what if

Janis: It would be tragic

Janis: maybe I could shed a tear

Casey: maybe don’t go fucking around behind someone’s back with a dickhead who you reckon can’t lie when the other one’s a massive crier himself

Janis: I never said you can’t lie

Janis: you don’t, most the time

Casey: not to you, you’d suss it anyway, what’d be the point bothering

Janis: not to me

Janis: but with me or this ain’t gonna work

Casey: I’m not thick

Janis: nah, it sounded like you was saying you could say something to him

Casey: I could, don’t mean I will

Janis: why would you

Casey: he’s thick and it’d be easy, but I’m not gonna

Casey: he don’t matter to me, you do

Janis: not that thick, or at all

Casey: alright, why don’t you go bloody re-marry him

Janis: I’m risking everything for you

Casey: and you can trust me, calm down

Janis: alright

Casey: take some deep breaths or something, you’re only in hospital for stress, like

Janis: take the piss and I’ll be stuck here with it, like

Casey: not gonna happen

Janis: where are you, anyway

Casey: Where do you want me

Janis: hmm, good question

Janis: where in a hospital is dead that’s not the morgue

Casey: chapel

Janis: yeah, there, that’s it

Casey: don’t piss about for ages, this place is a right maze

Janis: I couldn’t even if I wanted to

Casey: What you saying about why you can’t walk when you get back

Janis: anti-miracle?

Janis: can’t exactly say the truth, also can’t say I fell in the shower ‘cos they’ll add time to my sentence

Casey: I could carry you, be less obvious the less steps you gotta do yourself

Janis: you carrying me sounds like the most obvious thing in the world to me

Janis: I know what I’ll be looking at you like

Casey: I’ll drop you outside the door, how far’s that, nowt to your bed

Janis: pick me up when you see me and don’t put me down until you have to

Janis: you did say you would earlier

Casey: there you go then, have to

Janis: your lap felt good and I shouldn’t have got up so soon

Casey: It would’ve felt so good if you didn’t

Janis: when everyone’s at work and school, we can nap like that

Casey: you’ll need to, she won’t knacker you but I will

Janis: I need it, you too, you looked tired

Casey: yeah, mate, what day is it

Janis: I’ll look after you, you’ll feel better and remember everything you missed most about me

Casey: won’t have to make breakfast for her no more, were good though

Janis: huh

Casey: I fixed your shower curtain, you fed us, loads of having a go at me later

Janis: ohh, well

Janis: you know exactly why now

Janis: might keep you fed, as it benefits me an’ all

Casey: I know what I wanted to do about how mardy you were

Janis: tell me, it’ll make me leave here faster ‘cos he’s here and I need encouragement

Casey: cheering you up and shutting you up’s same result, but I couldn’t be having the shower curtain down as soon as I’d put it up so I never

Janis: how’d it come in handy instead then

Casey: gotta have some privacy when I’m thinking about you, the top acoustics in that bathroom are already pushing it a bit

Janis: you were gonna use all the hot water, I had to come in, so you didn’t

Casey: be a dickhead otherwise

Janis: how was I supposed to know you’d be looking like that, sounding like that

Casey: I knew it about you, the shit you do with your lip when you’re about to have a proper strop, not just putting one on, it’s fucking incredible actually

Janis: how do you taste, I need to know

Casey: different lasses say different bollocks, should’ve sorted you a poll

Janis: I wanna find out for myself, I don’t lie

Casey: not to me

Janis: not to you

Casey: come here then

Janis: [give it the necessary mins to do this and get to this chapel, thanks for no one dying or getting married rn]

Casey: [imagine, someone’s trying to pray for their sick relative and y’all are here being and doing the most immediately because you know you don’t have as much time as you want]

Janis: [we are just sitting on you so you have to sit on this pew right now and kissing you like it’s been a decade ‘cos well]

Casey: [thank god you can kiss as hard as you want because that would be intense]

Janis: [the noises, getting to say his name, you’re gonna die]

Casey: [we all know it’s beyond mutual, literally will not stop touching you at any point ever either because have never been allowed to]

Janis: [doing the thing where we hold your face to check you and look at you like how are you but we’re kissing you so roughly regardless it cannot be helped]

Casey: [nobody can or will survive, like nothing saucy has even occurred yet and y’all are deceased because of a decade of tension, loves it]

Janis: [literally are gonna without anything happening beyond the way we’re moving in your lap because it’s that intense for us all, just kissing his neck like he did earlier ‘I can bite you’ somewhat evilly because he clearly cannot and we’re like oh]

Casey: [pulling her hair SO hard rn because he couldn’t earlier and also beyond rude that he cannot bite you back because when that idea is put in your head it’s obvs all you wanna do]

Janis: [biting you in response so our moan isn’t insanely loud and alarming to any passers-by because into it ‘just don’t leave no marks’ like time to get creative boy]

Casey: [because he can’t and won’t be leaving any marks the actual softness would kill y’all and is in SUCH good contrast to how hard she just bit him, just kissing and licking her neck and her collarbone nbd, but giving the most attention to her boobs obvs as 1.pregnancy makes them look amazing from a purely selfish perspective and 2. You’ve had a day of it trying to feed this child and so from a purely unselfish perspective trying to make you feel better by kissing and touching them, ridiculously gently at first in case it’s a bad idea because he is the opposite of an expert when it comes to just having had a baby and it might hurt you, but taking our cues from you verbally with the sounds you’re gonna be making here and how you’re moving in his lap to know it’s more than okay to go in a bit harder with it. I like to imagine he’s just fully kissing and massaging at that point and so when a some milk inevitably comes out as a result, just gotta fully put his mouth over it to stop it, totally unthinkingly in that oh shit kind of way, thus interacting with the nipple that his mouth at least has mostly be avoiding and making you both die]

Janis: [It would actually be such a relief because producing milk and not expressing it is actually very painful so the way that would feel TOO good and you’re gonna know all about it boy; then obviously we’re sort of panicking like that might’ve just horrified him ‘cos doubt that’s something that’s happening to you before boy, no matter how many hookups you’ve had so we’re just like ‘are you okay, Casey?’ looking at him still attached to our nip like I can deal with that if needs but we’re blatantly into it ourself]

Casey: [yeah, I’ve heard that’s true but this boy would have no idea about any of this, like you said, not ever hooked up with a milf before, luckily for you she’ll let you know you’re doing the right things here sir and luckily for her he’s not grossed out by literally anything so he can likewise let her know it by doing the most]

Janis: [because if Baby Jac doesn’t start you have to dry it up with some kind of medicine moment, LOL if you’ve found out how to get it going here, awkward like; we’re literally shocked by everything and how intense it is right now ‘I love you’]

Casey: [Yeah I think they make you take tablets, I’m sure that’s what I’ve heard, thanks for being so awkward baby Jac, but at least we’ve found a silver lining right here with how into this you both are, as evidenced by the LOUDEST noise coming from him, not at all muffled enough, excuse us passersby, when she says ILY because we’ll never be over it no matter how many times she says it, just putting his hands on her hips and really deliberately controlling all the lap movement rn while he continues on with what he was already doing]

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keanureevesisbae · 3 years

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But professor... - c.1

Summary: Penny Townsend is going to attend her first criminology class. What she didn’t expect was professor Walter Marshall.

Professor!Walter Marshall x Penny Townsend (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings: Mentions of murder and blood

A/N: I hope you enjoy this Professor!AU -- can you imagine? Walter Marshall as a professor? 🤤

Masterlist // But professor... masterlist // Next chapter

✎ ✎ ✎

My parents hoped that I would become a doctor. I get it—being friends with a lot of successful parents with equally successful children, must’ve raised their standard for me. They however must’ve known that medicine wasn’t it for me and going to law school isn’t my forte either. It must’ve been hard on them, knowing I wasn’t that intellectually gifted, though they tried their best for me to be.

They did a lot for me. At the ripe age of two to five hours, I was placed at the entrance of a church in Maryland. The pastor and his wife discovered me and brought me to the hospital, only to found out I wasn’t just a couple weeks premature, but also had a lot of heroin in my system.

My birth parents barely gave me a chance the second I was born (probably when I was conceived, but okay) and that is why I am so grateful that my adoptive parents care so much about me.

And that’s why I want to make them proud and studying psychology is my best chance at being the successful daughter they deserve, but man does it feel wrong to be here. I know there is another student out there who deserves to be here, who actually wants to do this, yet here I am taking their place.

Psychology wasn’t the greatest choice already, but having to take criminology was an even bigger mistake. I walk into the lecture hall for the first criminology class. My hands shake because of the nerves, they’re even clammy. I’m not good at making friends, so seeing those cliques that has formed after only two weeks of university, makes me slightly jealous and really alone.

I never really fitted in. My teachers would describe me as a sweet young girl, who is painfully shy.

That, of course, is if they even noticed me at all.

It can be hard to fit in, especially when you feel out of place the second you enter a room, like I have felt since I can remember.

‘Take a seat,’ I hear a deep voice say and I look up, to meet the eyes of the professor. He is unlike all of my other professors. He isn’t in a suit or at least some decent slacks. His denim jeans hugs his thick thighs, as he wears a sweater on top. His curls are disheveled and slightly frizzy and his beard is asymmetrical. A deep frown in between his brows.

‘Me?’ I ask in a soft tone.

He nods. ‘You,’ he confirms.

I walk passed him to choose a seat in the back. I take place and look around me, only to meet the eyes of the professor again. While I wonder what made him choose teaching, since he doesn’t look like someone who was born to teach, I also ponder about the fact he is looking at me again.

Why would he do that?

I grab my laptop and open it, opening a new document. I’ve been going to NYU for two weeks now, yet this is my first criminology class. I run my fingers through my hair, pushing up the glasses on my nose bridge.

‘Okay everyone,’ I hear the professor say, when it’s time for the class to start. ‘There is a sheet going around. Find the spot you’re sitting now and write down your name. If I find out you are messing with me, you have failed your class immediately.’

He is not beating around the bush.

‘I’m detective Walter Marshall. I have worked for the MPD, the Minneapolis Police Department. For this semester there are three subjects we’ll cover. Victimology, crime analysis and the psychology of criminal behavior.’

This is not at all what I want to learn. This is too gore for me. I should’ve stood up to my parents and go to cosmetology school like I originally wanted. It’s better for me anyways.

I’m so stupid.

The paper ends up on my table and I try to find my place on it. I write down ‘Penelope Townsend’ and slide it to the person two tables over. Professor Marshall explains how we have a weekly lecture of two hours and how he is available for questions every Friday, since he’ll be in his office.

‘Does anyone have any questions?’

A guy raises his hand. ‘Why aren’t you working for the MPD anymore, sir?’

Professor Marshall sits on the edge of his desk, crossing his muscular arms in front of his chest. ‘I was put on leave.’

‘Why?’

‘There were some issues,’ he says. ‘Between me and suspects.’

I have no idea what he is implying, but the silence in the classroom is so thick, that I have a clue what types of issues came with said suspects.

‘Really?’ the guy asks.

The professor only raises his eyebrows, which obviously means he isn’t joking. You don’t need to have studied Psychology to figure that out. ‘Any more questions?

‘Do we work in pairs for the assignment?’ a girl asks.

He shakes his head. ‘No, individual works only.’

I let out a sigh of relief. Thank the stars, I don’t want to work with others. Really, I don’t.

‘Okay, if that’s all, let me start right away. What do these women have in common?’ He presses a button on his presenter and the screen behind him changes. Three pictures of women appear on the screen. It’s their driver’s license photo.

‘They’re women,’ a guy says, causing a few to laugh.

Professor Marshall grabs the paper with names and says: ‘Does anyone have something less obvious to comment than mister Fitzgerald?’ He seems not amused at all by the words of Fitzgerald.

‘Brown hair, blue eyes,’ a girl says.

He nods. ‘And?’

‘They’re pretty,’ another girl says.

‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ he notes. His eyes scan the paper and he looks up. ‘Miss Townsend, do you have something to add?’

Our eyes meet again and I realize that I’m the only miss Townsend in the class. I clear my throat and look at the pictures. Say something smart, Penny. Say something intelligent. Really intelligent.

The obvious things have already been said, so I should stay away from those things.

I swallow hard, press my glasses better on my nose and say: ‘Their left eyelid is slightly droopy.’

I hear some people chuckle a bit, making me feel everything but intelligent.

‘Quiet,’ professor Marshall says and the chuckles die down instantly. ‘Their droopy left eyelid is what made them appealing to the killer.’ He looks up from the other side of class, right at me. His slightly annoyed gaze dissolves for a few moments into a soft one. ‘Miss Townsend made an excellent point here. It took an entire police department to come to that conclusion over the course of two months.’

Oh my goodness, I made an excellent point.

The slides change and I see another picture. This time it’s of a man. It’s a mugshot. I bet he is the killer.

‘Miss Townsend, since you are on a roll,’ the professor continues and I nearly groan. Really? He wants me to answer another questions? ‘What’s do you notice about this man?’

I scan his entire face. He has a crooked nose, blemishes on his forehead and thin lips. He looks like a killer. This would be the type of man I would avoid if I came across him.

‘His left eyelid is also droopy,’ I say.

Is that a tiny smirk on his lips? ‘Correct.’ While professor Marshall continues to explain about how his own appearance is unknowingly influencing his choice of victims, I can’t help but beam a little with pride. ‘Because,’ he continues, ‘if you understand your victims, you can understand your killer.’ The slideshow changes to one word. ‘Welcome to victimology.’

✎ ✎ ✎

Time spend in a lecture hall while professor Marshall teaches flies by. Though he is a bit grumpy and not very welcoming, he is interesting and smart. Much better than my other teachers. I put everything in my backpack, before I get up from my seat. I’m one of the last students to leave the place, mostly because I don’t want to be swarmed by the cliques.

‘Miss Townsend,’ professor Marshall says, causing me to stop misstep as I already passed him.

I turn around. ‘Yes?’ I ask.

He doesn’t look up from his notes. ‘You did well in class today.’

Is this man giving me a compliment? He might be the first one in a teacher like position to ever notice me, let alone give me a compliment. ‘I did?’

‘Yeah,’ he says, now looking up from his notes. ‘Don’t hesitate to say something in class next time. You have great insight.’

‘Or just luck,’ I say.

Professor Marshall shakes his head. ‘No, this isn’t about luck, this is good insight. So, can you promise me to raise your hand next class?’

I bite my lip, before shaking my head. ‘No, I can’t.’

‘Why can’t you?’

‘What I said: this was luck and it probably won’t happen again. I have to go. I reserved a spot at the library. If that is all, sir?’

He doesn’t say anything, simply looks at me. It takes a second, maybe two before he nods. ‘If you have questions,’ he says, ‘you know how to contact me.’

I nod, before I walk out of the hall. I see students gathering in front of the door and I quickly slip through them and make my way to the library. I’ve been going to classes for around two weeks now and I’m still up to date as we speak. I decide to at least make a beginning with the assignments of my criminology class, because the sooner I start, the less work and stress I’ll experience later on, because I most definitely will stress about it.

It’s been quite awhile since I opened a book for school for assignments or preparing for exams. After high school, I decided to take a gap year, which ended in two. I’ve traveled with all sorts of groups to different countries, worked at an international cafe in Japan for awhile. It did help me with my social skills. I was happy, social and totally in my element. Those wonderful skills were all forgotten the second I stepped foot back in the USA again.

It was my parents that pushed for going back to college and once they figured out that medicine or law wasn’t up my alley, they agreed psychology, though it wasn’t my thing either.

It’s okay, sure, but… Gosh, I miss the freedom I had during the gap years. I’m not stupid, but is the academical life for me? I have looked at cosmetology school and boy do I wish I was there at the moment.

And not here.

✎ ✎ ✎

I don’t know how long I have been at the library, but my eyes are tired by the time I close my laptop. Besides working on my assignment, I also texted my parents to tell them everything is going fine and checked out multiple cosmetology schools here in the area.

Originally I’m from Maryland, meaning it’s only a three hour drive to see my parents and for them to check in on me. I considered lying about my major, about attending NYU and just go to cosmetology school, but mom and dad are paying my tuition, which is another loophole in my plan.

I put the laptop in my backpack and walk out of the library. Every second my mind wasn’t occupied with university related things, it went straight back to my first criminology class, more specifically my professor. His words. It’s one thing he said those things to me, but another that he looked so handsome while saying it.

‘There she is,’ I hear from behind me as I walk through the hallways to the exit. I turn around to discover it’s Fitzgerald. I forgot his first name, which is weird since we share a lot of the same classes together. He isn’t easy to miss. Pleasant on the eyes, that’s for sure, but he is loud, thinks he is hilarious and that makes him kinda annoying. ‘Miss Townsend,’ he says in a mocking tone.

Okay, change kinda annoying to absolutely insufferable.

‘Hm?’

Fitzgerald walks next to me and he comes a lot closer than I prefer. ‘You’re already the teacher’s pet,’ he continues. ‘Bet the man has a thing for Asian chicks.’

I have no idea how to respond to that implication. My instinct says to get out of here, but the exit is right ahead of me and from the looks of it, Fitzgerald is going there as well. So there is no escape.

‘But let’s say it’s beginners luck,’ he says, ‘because it was actually the first time I heard you speak.’

‘You mind leaving me alone?’ I ask.

‘Why is that, sugar boo?’

Okay, now I’m gonna vomit. Goosebumps run over my spine and the hairs in my neck are standing straight up. I bet this guy’s dad is rich, therefore the only reason he is here. ‘I don’t want you here.’

‘You don’t want me here?’ He starts to chuckle. ‘Sweetheart, everyone wants me here.’

Not me.

‘Fitzgerald, are you deaf?’

It’s professor Marshall.

His eyes enlarge when he realizes that too. ‘No, sir,’ he quickly says.

‘She said she doesn’t want you here.’ He stands in front of the two of us, looking everything but amused. ‘You know, back when I was working, I encountered a lot of guys like you. Did you know they usually peak in high school, do okay in college, but the second they end up locked up in jail—and I promise you, they most often will—they aren’t so tough anymore. They usually end up as someone’s bitch.’

To hear this entire monologue and the word bitch from a professor, was not at all what I was expecting. Fitzgerald’s face is drained from all its color. While Fitzgerald looks like he shat himself, I am utterly amazed. I wish I was this intimidating, I think to myself.

Fitzgerald clears his throat, eyes darting around the hallway, almost as if he is trying to find the closest exit. He shoots out of this place very quickly, meaning I’m left with only our professor.

‘Thank you, sir,’ I say.

Professor Marshall simply nods. ‘You know, if you lowered your shoulders, you’d appear more confident.’

Why do I feel so offended? ‘Oh…’

‘It’s advice, miss Townsend, not criticism.’

‘Oh,’ I say again, this time in a whisper like tone. He could’ve brought it up a bit nicer though. No need to hurt my feelings like that.

Professor Marshall and I both walk towards the exit and I notice it’s raining. Great, guess who didn’t bring her umbrella and also isn’t wearing a jacket with a hood?

Absolutely fantastic.

‘Here,’ the professor says, holding out his umbrella for me.

Is this truly happening? ‘Oh, sir, that’s not necessary.’

‘I insist.’

With some hesitation I grab the umbrella from him and smile. ‘Thank you, professor.’

He politely nods and walks off, leaving me with the umbrella and a little bit confused. Though he looks so handsome and slightly intimidating, he still is nice to me. The only teacher ever. Maybe Fitzgerald is right and—

No, no, no, don’t think like that. It’s not that every man who is nice to me all of the sudden has this fetish. That can’t be it, right?

Maybe, despite my aversion, I am actually good at the whole criminology thing and isn’t it a one time thing. Luck. Maybe I do have something I am good at.

✎ ✎ ✎

That Friday I am still on campus after I spend my entire afternoon in the library. Since I have a question about the criminology assignment, I decide walk to the office of professor Marshall. To kill two birds with one stone, I brought his umbrella with me so I can give it back. I knock on the door and hear a low: ‘Come in.’

I open the door and am met with the professor, who is sitting behind is desk. ‘Sir, I have a question about the assignment.’

He leans back in his chair and gestures me to come in. I close the door behind me and expect to sit, until I notice there isn’t a chair anywhere for me to sit on. How unwelcome of him, I think to myself. Does that mean I have to remain standing?

‘What’s your question, miss Townsend?’

‘I didn’t know which format I had to use for the entire assignment. It’s not really that big of a deal, but I was here in the building and I thought that I could…’ Nice way of getting off track, Penny. As they said in high school musical: ‘Get’cha your head in the game’ and this is not the game. ‘Never mind. Which format should I use?’

‘That’s up to you,’ he says.

That’s it? That’s the answer he is gonna give me?

‘Right,’ I mumble.

‘Other questions, miss Townsend?’

Yes. I let out a deep sigh. ‘The assignment is just harder than I thought,’ I admit. ‘I don’t really understand it.’

Professor Marshall stands up and holds out his hand. ‘Sit, I’ll try to explain it.’

‘In your chair?’

He simply nods and I walk around the desk, to take a seat, while he leans against the windowsill. Oh, the leather is warm… What a body heat does this man produce. ‘Okay, the point of the assignment is to use some of the example files of—staged—murders. Based on the file you choose, you choose a format. You write out the victimology, try to narrate who the killer is, writing down all your findings and there are things I’m gonna talk about in next classes.’

I nod. ‘That makes it easier, thank you, sir.’

‘You’re already working on the assignment?’ he asks. Why does he sound genuinely surprised?

I nod again. ‘I am. I find it easier to work a bit every day, than to cram it all in one day.’ I realize how that sounds. ‘That sounds dorky.’

‘It doesn’t really. It’s a whole lot better than what I did back in the days,’ he says. ‘What did you think of the class?’

Is he asking for my opinion? ‘Your class was very interesting. Slightly morbid though, but fascinating.’

‘Morbid?’ the professor asks. ‘There was nothing morbid about my class.’

I scrunch up my nose. ‘It was kinda scary. With the blood patterns and all. The peek into the murderer’s mind?’ I shiver. ‘Don’t know, felt too personal and too much into the killer’s brain.’

‘The class you’re taking is criminology,’ he says, ‘you should’ve known.’

I shrug, not knowing what to say to him. He is right…

‘Miss Townsend—’

‘Penny,’ I say. ‘It’s Penny. Penelope officially, but people barely call me that.’ People barely call out for me ever, but that’s a different topic. Total different topic.

‘Penny,’ he says, ‘could’ve known.’

I don’t know what he is implying, but I realize I am totally overstaying. ‘I’m sorry, I should go. Thanks for helping me out. Oh, I brought you back your umbrella. I don’t need it anyways.’

Professor Marshall nods. ‘Okay.’

‘I should go. It’s getting kinda dark already.’

‘Let me guess, you don’t do well in the dark.’

I smile almost out of guilt. ‘That obvious?’

For a brief moment I spot a smirk on his face. ‘I’m a detective, I spot these things.’

Okay, not gonna lie, but that’s pretty funny. ‘See you next class, professor,’ I say, standing up from his chair and I walk towards the door.

‘See you next class, Penny.’

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill x penny townsend #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #walter marshall #walter marshall fanfic #walter marshall x ofc #walter marshall x oc #walter marshall x asian ofc #walter marshall x penny townsend #professor!walter marshall #but professor

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yelena-bellova · 3 years

Text

Don’t Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty: Party on Pasaana

Plot: Poe, Y/n, Finn, Rey and the rest of the gang journey to Pasaana to try and find the Wayfinder.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: none really

Word Count: 6.8k

A/N: I’M BACK! This is by no means my best or favorite chapter but it moves the story along and boy, is there a lot coming...Hopefully you’ve stuck around this long and if not, I’m not offended. Hope you enjoy!

----

Despite the fact that I’d spent my day fixing the Falcon, me and Chewie still ran every diagnostic possible on it before even thinking about taking her up. She was too temperamental to be treated any differently.

“You know I love flying with you, but don’t feel like you’re obligated to come with, Chew,” I said, closing up the last panel on the underside of the ship, “This one isn’t going to be a simple supply run.”

Chewie groaned in protest at my offer to let him stay on base, reminding me of the promise he’d made to Dad. That he’d protect me and he didn’t intend to stop doing that anytime soon.

I conceded to the Wookiee and emerged from underneath the Falcon. I found Rey finishing her repairs as Poe stood nearby, patting her on the arm, “We’re going with you. Chewie, you get that compressor fixed?” “No, I did,” I answered, dusting off my hands on my pants. The two of us still hadn’t spoken since our fight earlier in the day. “What do you mean you’re coming with us?” Poe separated from Rey, revealing Finn and the droids behind him, and led me to the side of the Falcon. He kept space between us, probably because he didn’t know where we stood after our fight.

“Do you honestly think we’d let you guys take this on by yourselves?” he asked.

“Poe,” I shook my head, “Rey and I don’t even know what we’re walking into, I don’t want to throw you guys in the line of danger.” “So it’s too dangerous for me to risk my life but not you?” he asked with raised brows, wedging me between a metaphorical rock and a hard place, “Y/n, we’re a team. If one of us goes, we all go.” I hung my head in frustration, these were the type of situations that I hated the most. I couldn’t protect everyone, that had been made clear, and I certainly couldn’t justify to Poe why it was okay for me to charge headfirst into a fight but not him. Though I’d try every time, even if it was bound to end in failure.

“Fine,” I relented, shrugging and letting my hands fall against my legs, “But I’m flying us there.”

“Understood,” Poe agreed, pulling a corner of his lip up in an almost smile, “I am sorry about today, y’know…It was stupid of me not to think about how much the Falcon means to you.” “Me too,” I sighed, remembering all the harsh words we had flung at one another in contrast to the white flags me were now waving. This wasn’t the first makeup we’d had lately. Not by a long shot. Poe and I had been fighting more than usual, tensions were high with all that was going on and our relationship wasn’t escaping un-scorched. There was never any doubt as to whether or not we still loved each other, but we needed to find better ways of dealing with our stress rather than taking it out on each other. “Chewie told me there was only one escape route and you took it. You guys coming back alive is more important than anything else.”

Where there should have been a kiss or intertwined fingers, there was only silence and our best attempts to smile. There was so much lying underneath the surface that we didn’t ever have time to deal with.

“I wish you’d tell me.” I tried my hardest not to look phased, “Tell you what?” Poe swallowed as he stared into my eyes, “Whatever it is you’re keeping from me.” Every hair on my body stood to attention and fear shot through my veins. I knew he’d become suspicious of me but we hadn’t addressed it out loud before. Once the words of distrust hit the air, it became a true issue. The bottom line of it all was if Poe knew I had been in contact with Ren, he would never trust me with anything ever again.

My tongue peeked out to wet my lips as I nervously shifted my weight to my other foot, “I need you to trust me that what I’m doing, I’m doing for the good of the Resistance.” “We don’t keep secrets from each other, Y/n,” he shook his head and placed his hands on his hips, “That’s not us.” “You wouldn’t understand it, it’s Jedi stuff.” He bit his lip and nodded sarcastically, “Oh, so because I’m not a Jedi, my little average brain couldn’t possibly understand whatever problem you’ve got? Thanks for clearing that up.” “Poe,” I took a step and reached out to grab his forearm, “I didn’t mean it like that. Just please trust me. Everything I do, I do it to keep us safe.” I watched the emotions flicker in his eyes, changing from confusion to anger to desperation to hurt. The thought of confessing to him came through my mind at least ten times a day, but it wasn’t possible. Selfishly, I didn’t want to watch him learn of my betrayal. He would never look at me the same way and I wasn’t ready to lose that.

“I trust you more than anyone,” he finally said, stiffening his voice to hide his emotions, “I just wish you felt the same way about me.” He shrugged out of my hand’s hold and made his way up the ship’s ramp. I chewed on my bottom lip and leaned my forehead against one of the Falcon’s legs. There was nobody on any planet in any galaxy who I trusted more than Poe. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me and the fact that he was beginning to doubt my trust in him was a sucker punch. This time he wasn’t at fault, he only wanted to help me shoulder the burden. But there was nothing he could do to aid in the mental torture I was inflicting on myself.

I turned on my heels to go find my mother but froze at the sight of her and Rey locked in an embrace. I could sense the sadness in Rey that came with leaving her, the only mother figure she could remember having. Watching as she turned away, clipping Uncle Luke’s lightsaber to her belt, I took my cue to say my farewell.

“We’ll check in when we can, if we can,” I stated, partially as a commander but also a daughter to her worried mom, “Who knows, maybe we’ll be back in time for dinner.” A lame attempt at humor, yes, but there was nothing I wouldn’t do to try and make her smile in the most concerning of hours. “Look out for each other, don’t take too many risks,” she instructed, taking my hand in hers, “And come back in one piece.” There was some feeling in the air that I couldn’t put a name to, but it was there nonetheless. I never liked leaving Mom but with the stakes as high as they were, I felt a new sense of dread. I wasn’t immune to fear of losing my life and the reality of something happening to me and leaving her on her own caused a new urgency inside me to come back alive.

“I love you,” I whispered, squeezing her hands tight as tears began to fill my eyes, “So much.” “My darling,” I could hear the emotion in her voice that she was pushing down, “You are the greatest love I could have ever asked for.”

There wasn’t much more that could be said as I bent down to hug her, there was so much meaning inside our few words. We’d survived for a year as a family of two, something we were never meant to do, but we’d somehow done it. Mom’s health had begun to worsen with her age, but the incident on the Raddus had forced what was natural to happen prematurely. She got tired quicker, she required a cane sometimes and needed my help more often, though she always tried to avoid asking. I didn’t think it possible but we’d somehow grown closer in the last year, which made it all the more important that the mission go right and I return safely.

She whispered against my ear, “May the force be with you.” I pulled back with a watery smile, “We’re gonna need it.” With a kiss to her cheek, I forced myself to head back to the ship with a deep pain in my chest. It felt like I was tied to both the Falcon and Mom, the more distance I put between her and I, the more I began to hurt. It lit yet another flame of determination inside me to come back victorious.

Rey had waited for me outside the Falcon, attempting to act like she hadn’t witnessed the tender moment. The two of us shared a hopeful smile before we walked up the ramp together. When we arrived in the cockpit, it was apparent that it was going to be a tight fit. Rey moved to take the empty co-pilot’s chair with Chewie standing in the back, waiting to be called to action. Poe and I didn’t bother to make eye contact choosing instead to bury our pain for a later date. I gave Finn a good natured slap on the shoulder before sinking into the captain’s chair. I’d flown the Falcon hundreds of times by now and yet each time I took the controls, I felt like a child way out of their depth. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, there was no time to waste on fear. All that mattered was the mission.

“Next stop,” I narrated as I readied myself to lift the ship off the ground, “Pasaana…” ————

“You sure this is it?” Poe asked from the front of our group.

“I followed the coordinates perfectly,” I panted, already missing the jungle heat as opposed to Pasaana’s dry kind, “Right, 3PO?”

“Mistress Y/n is correct, these are the exact coordinates that Master Luke left behind.” We rounded the bend of the hill we’d climbed to find the least likely scenario on a planet we’d thought remote; a party.

“What is this?”

“The Aki-Aki Festival of the Ancestors,” 3PO explained, “This celebration occurs only once every 42 years.” “Well, that’s lucky,” Finn commented from beside me.

“Lucky indeed, this festival is known for both its colorful kites and its delectable sweets.” Under normal circumstances, I have had all the patience in the world with the droid I’d spent my whole life around. But now, overlooking the obstacle that would make it harder to find the Wayfinder and ultimately save the galaxy, I joined my friends in staring him down. “3PO, read the room.” “Let’s get down there,” Poe directed with a thumb tucked into his holster, “This is gonna take way longer than it should.” Having spent the better part of my life traveling, I loved getting to immerse myself in different planet’s cultures. It was one of the reasons my diplomatic skills were so highly tuned, I knew how to connect with all different types of people. So there was a small part of me, though stressed, that made a note to take in the sounds of the Aki-Aki’s chants and the array of colors in the crowd. I wasn’t the only one interested in the details either…

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” a wide eyed Rey commented as Finn and Poe passed us by.

“I’ve never seen so few Wayfinders,” Finn retorted.

“Take in what you can, we won’t be back for another 42 years,” I bumped Rey with my hip before following our group.

“There’s always random First Order patrols in crowds like these, so, keep your heads down,” Poe turned to look back at us, zeroing in on the only one tall enough to stick out, “Chewie. Let’s split up, see what the locals know.”

Rey was too taken by her surroundings to fully register what Poe was saying and Finn had gone with my boyfriend, leaving me to follow along with them. As soon as I did, Poe turned to me, “What are you doing?” “…Coming with you?” “We’ve gotta cover as much ground as possible,” he gestured over towards a grouping of tents, “Try talking to some of the traders, see if they know anything.” Thinning my eyes at him in shock that we were on a mission and Poe didn’t want me with him, I decided that now wasn’t the time to fight back. “Fine, Bee,” I called to my boyfriend’s droid hovering near Rey, “You’re with me.” The two of us made our way through a couple vendor’s booths, unsuccessful in getting any information about the location of the Wayfinder. I didn’t even have to do much talking with them, my senses could tell me whether or not my question brought up any memories. Which was good for me because I wasn’t in the mood to do a lot of chit chatting. Bee must have picked up on my silent frustration because he nudged me in my calf, urging me to talk. “He could have said it about ten other ways,” I vented, “But instead he had to make it sound like I was doing something wrong by going with them.” You know how he can be when he’s stressed. “I’m stressed too,” I cried, gesturing to my chest, “And maybe I wanted to go with him because I feel a little less worried when I’m with him. It’s never mattered what’s going on, we’ve always partnered together on missions. Clearly he doesn’t need me this time.” Didn’t you two have a fight before we left? Do you think it has something to do with that? I sighed defeatedly, “Probably…Or the fight we had earlier today, or the one we had just before he left a few days ago…” There was no shortage of examples I could have given as to why Poe didn’t want to be around me. “Things aren’t great between us right now.”

Maybe you should talk to him about it.

“Not right now, Bee. There’s bigger things at hand then Poe and I fighting. Nobody here knows anything, let’s go find the others.” When we made it back, Finn and Poe were engrossed in a conversation with an Aki-Aki. He turned his focus to me, “Got anything?” “I’d probably be a little more enthusiastic if I did, Dameron,” I remarked, taking a spot across from him instead of next to.

He looked between me and Finn, who was trying to remain focused on the Aki-Aki in question, “Whoa, what’s going on?”

The saddest part of why I was angry was the heart of the matter, Poe and I weren’t functioning like the inseparable couple we’d been for the last year. We were functioning like soldiers, ones who bickered at any chance we were given. And while I wanted nothing more than to talk to him about how I felt and ask him when things had gotten like this, not even love could come before war. I looked up at him, the frustration and hurt clearly painted clearly across my face, “Nothing that matters right now, I’m gonna go question some others but don’t worry, I’ll do it by myself.”

Just as Poe was opening his mouth to reply and I was ready to turn away, Rey came running in our direction. “We have to go. Back to the Falcon, now,” she ordered.

“Why?” Finn asked. “It’s Ren.”

Despite the anxiety running through my veins, I took a contradictory step forward. “He’s here?”

“He’s on his way,” Rey answered, her eyes wide and locked with mine.

“Then let’s get the hell out of here,” Poe began tracing our path back to the Falcon with his eyes, “It’s back this way.”

We ran through the festival with our heads on a swivel, until Poe shot his arm out as a barrier when we came face to face with a stormtrooper. “Freeze! Hold it right there. I’ve located the Resistance fugitives, all units report-“ A dart whizzed past us and landed perfectly in the trooper’s eye. We turned to see a figure holding a crossbow standing behind one of the tents, dressed in robes and his face covered with a helmet. “Follow me.”

With no other options in sight, we trusted in our mysterious savior and followed him. We climbed into his vehicle slowly rolling through the festival. “Leia sent me a transmission,” his modulated voice said before speaking in an alien language to the driver. “Okay, how’d you find us?” Finn asked what we were all thinking. The man reached to take his helmet off and I was greeted by a face I hadn’t seen in years. He grinned, “Wookiees stand out in a crowd.” “Lando!”

Chewie moaned his excitement at seeing his old friend and shoved his way past us all to hug him. “It’s good to see you too, old buddy,” he laughed before turning to me, “Look at you, the princess is all grown up.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed for the first time all day, “I can’t believe you’re here.” “This is General Lando Calrissian,” 3PO said from behind us.

“We know who he is, 3PO,” Rey gently admonished.

“It is an honor, General,” Finn said, a big smile gracing his face. “General Calrissian,” Poe spoke up, “We’re looking for Exegol.”

Lando looked between our crew before centering on me, “Of course she’d send you.” I scrunched up my nose and tilted my head, “I didn’t give her much of a choice.” He shook his head with laughter, “You’re her daughter alright…” he flicked his wristlet on and a holo of a Wayfinder appeared, “Only two were made.” “A Sith Wayfinder,” Rey said, “Luke Skywalker came here to find one.” “I know,” Lando chuckled, “I was with him, Luke and I were tailing an old Jedi hunter,” he changed the image on his holo to a creature, “Ochi of Bestoon. He was carrying a clue that could lead to a Wayfinder. We followed his ship halfway across the galaxy here. When we got to his ship, it was abandoned. No clue, no Wayfinder.” “Is the ship still here?” I asked.

“It’s out in the desert where he left it.” “We need to get there, search it again,” Rey suggested.

My posture straightened as the sound of ship engines filled my ears. I peered out a window to see a small bunch of First Order ships flying towards the festival grounds.

“I got a bad feeling about this,” Lando muttered before turning to us, “Ochi’s ship is out past Lurch Canyon. Go!” “Thank you, General,” Poe said before beginning to help each of us out of the crawler.

Chewie moaned his happiness at seeing Lando again, something he reciprocated. Before taking Poe’s extended hand, I quickly embraced my non-biological uncle. “We’re on Ajan Kloss, come join us. We need pilots.” “My flying days are long gone,” he gently declined before taking my hands into his, “But do me a favor, give your mother my love.”

“I will, as long as you consider coming,” I said before kissing his cheek and allowing Poe to help me out. My heart ached to walk away from another member of my family…

“Can’t believe I never put it together that you’re a princess.” Poe said from beside me as we sprinted through the desert. I was hoping no one had noticed Lando’s long standing nickname for me.

“Of a planet that ceased to exist long before I was born,” I panted, “I don’t think that counts for much.” “Doesn’t matter, I’m still going to call you Your Highness,” Finn called from ahead. “There,” Poe pointed, “Those speeders,” he tossed his gloves off, slid beneath the vehicles and began hot-wiring the vehicles. The yelling of a group of Aki-Aki, presumably the owners of the speeders, made him hurry through his work. “We gotta go!”

Finn, Poe and 3PO hopped into one while Rey, Bee, Chewie and I crowded into the other. I didn’t have time to look back as I began steering but I could sense that Poe was surprised that I didn’t come with him. The urge to turn around and yell at him for the exact same thing that had happened moments before was strong, but once again not our highest priority. What was important was the stormtroopers tailing us. Rey took over on offense while I piloted us, it wasn’t until her cry of my name that I turned around. The troopers were flying through the air using jetpacks, something none of us had ever seen.

“I can’t get a clear shot!” Rey yelled.

“Switch with me!”

She continued firing her blaster as she moved to the front of the speeder where I let her take the wheel. I ducked down next to Bee and calculated what angle I needed them to be at for my plan to work.

I’ve got an idea. “Bee, not now,” I shouted over the engine, turning back to the problem at hand. Ignoring my ignoring him, Bee began tapping away at a stray canister in front of us until it shot up into the air. A yellow explosion burst from the canister in front of the stormtroopers. When one emerged from the cloud, his disoriented driving sent him off a ramp like cluster of rocks. Rey turned and took a perfect shot, the trooper’s speeder exploding in the air.

“Never underestimate a droid,” she grinned.

“He’s doing my work for me!” I replied, standing back up and nudging Bee, “Now where’s Poe and Finn?” “Y/n, look,” I joined Rey at the front of the speeder, “Ochi’s ship.”

Parked atop a large structure of rocks was a modest craft that hopefully contained the answers we needed.

Rey’s face turned serious, “I’ve seen that ship before.”

“Y/n! Rey!”

I whipped around to see Poe and Finn’s speeder flying up behind us, “You get all of them?”

As I inhaled to answer triumphantly, the speeder was thrown forward and us with it. We flew through the air before landing roughly in a pile of dark sand, the screams of the rest of our group following directly after. I rolled over with a groan and looked up to see one last trooper whizzing through the air. Finally getting to go through with my original plan, I got to my knees and raised one of my hands, force pushing him into one of the cliffs.

“So they fly now,” I exhaled, falling back on my heels. As soon as my full weight landed in the sand, it began collapsing into itself.

“What the hell is this?” Poe exclaimed, I looked over to see the same sensation happening to him.

“Sinking field,” Rey cried, “Try to grab something!”

I struggled against the pull of the field to try and reach a piece of our smoking speeder, but my torso was already below the surface making it nearly impossible. I had landed somewhat near Poe and tried to wriggle my way to where he was, him already doing the same. I stretched my arm out as far as it could and barely brushed his fingers when his head dipped down below the surface. “Y/n!” he called out just as I lost sight of him. “No!” I yelled, throwing my arm into the pit and fishing around to try and grab him. “Rey, Y/n,” Finn said frantically, “I never told you tha-“ he disappeared into the black sand, lost to us. “What? Finn!” Rey called, it was the last thing I heard below my body was pulled under fully.

What followed was pure darkness, I kept my eyes squeezed shut as to not get anything in my eyes. In a flash of panic, I flailed about and tried to swim upwards back to the surface for a breath of air. All I could do was struggle and pray that I met the bottom, I didn’t want to die in a pit of sand. After a few seconds, I crashed through something hard and my back hit open air. I fell to the ground with a groan, Bee’s beeps and squeals a homing beacon in the dark. “Poe,” I sat up, feeling around the dimly lit cave for him, “Poe…” “I’m here,” he replied, I could barely make out his silhouette as he crawled on his knees to me. His gloved hand wrapped around my arm, making his close presence known, “Are you okay?” In a rare moment of tenderness, something we hadn’t felt in a long time, I reached up and laced my hand through his curls bringing his forehead down to meet mine. “Where’s everybody else?” Poe pulled me to my feet and unsheathed his flashlight, “Rey! Finn!”

“You didn’t say my name, sir, but I’m alright,” 3PO said, coming in from the other side of the cave.

The sand seeping out of the ceiling of the cave followed by loud grunts sent Poe and I bolting towards it just in time for him to catch Rey and ease her down to the ground. “You all right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, “Where’s Finn?” “Where’s Chewie?” I asked, rotating my head rapidly to try and get a full scope of the cave. On cue, Chewie dropped harshly from the ceiling with a moan, I ran over to him and helped him sit up.

Finn climbed out of a hole behind us, “I’m good. What is this place?” He stumbled towards us, the four of us huddled together for a relieved reunion.

Poe had one hand on Finn’s shoulder and one clutching my waist, he pressed a quick peck to my temple. “I thought we were goners,” he panted, I savored the feeling of being close to him even if it had taken thinking we were going to die to get there.

“Which way out?” Finn asked.

I squinted as I looked at our surroundings, “Can’t see a thing.” One step ahead of me, Rey unclipped her lightsaber from her belt and ignited it, lighting our path. Poe stepped forward as well, clicking his inferior flashlight on as if it would make a difference next to the luminous weapon. Shaking my head at my boyfriend, I ignited my own saber and followed Rey, “We need to hurry if Ren’s on his way. “So what was it?” Rey asked as Finn joined us.

“What?” he replied confusedly.

“What you were gonna tell Y/n and I?” A beat passed, “When?” “When you were sinking in the sand, you said ‘I never told you…’” Rey spelled it out for him.

He inched closer to the two of us and lowered his voice, “I’ll tell you later.” “You mean when Poe’s not here?” the man in question asked from behind us, staring Finn down as he squeezed between the three of us.

“Yeah,” Finn replied confidently.

“We’re gonna die in sand burrows and we’re all keeping secrets?” Poe deliberately turned his head to look at me when he hit the word ‘secrets,’ a wave of guilt washing over me.

“I’ll tell you when you tell us about all that shifty stuff you do,” Finn fired back, referring to to hot-wiring of the speeders and no doubt something else he’d seen Poe do recently.

“I do not wanna know what made these tunnels,” Poe commented as he took the lead at the front of our group.

Ever the helper, 3PO jumped in to give an answer. “Judging by the circumference of the tunnel walls…” Poe turned to the droid, “I said I do not wanna know. Not,” he realigned his focus ahead of us, spotting something in the shadows, “What’s that?” “Is that a speeder?” Finn asked. “An old one,” Rey answered as she got a closer look. “Wonder if it still runs,” I said, running a hand over the dusty vehicle, “We’re gonna need a way out of here.” “Perhaps we will find the driver,” 3PO said hopefully. I think they’d be dead by now.

“Yep, BB-8, I think dead too,” Poe responded to his droid’s astute observation.

“Oh, my,” 3PO pointed towards the symbol on the front of the speeder, “A hex charm.”

“What’s a hex charm?” I asked, shining my saber over the detail and getting a look at it myself.

“A common emblem of Sith loyalists,” 3PO answered. “The Sith…” I mumbled under my breath, running a finger over it and catching the dust in my hand.

“This was Ochi’s?” Finn asked. “Luke sensed it,” Rey stepped forward, “Ochi never left this place.” “And he ended up down here,” Finn continued the train of thought.

“He was headed for his ship,” Poe completed the sentence, “Same thing happened to us, happened to him.” I followed Rey who was hot on the scent of something, the two of us spotting the skeleton at the same time. “So how did Ochi get out?” I took a breath, “He didn’t.” The four of us moved as one to examine the carcass, mangled and broken into pieces but clearly bearing resemblance to a creature. “No he didn’t…” Finn muttered.

“Bones,” Poe said from beside me, turning away for a second to stifle a gag, “I don’t like bones.” “Bones? Never a good sign,” 3PO commented.

My eyes flitted over the scene while Rey searched deeper, spotting a bump in the sand with Bee and helping him to unearth it. She pulled out a unique carved dagger, I could sense the same thing upon seeing it that she could. “Horrible things…have happened with this,” she trembled. “The writing…” I crouched down next to her, running a finger over the weapon and trying to figure out what language the script was written in, “I don’t recognize it, 3PO?”

The loyal droid came forward and took the dagger from my outstretched palm. “The location of the Wayfinder has been inscribed upon this dagger,” he announced, “It’s the clue that Master Luke was looking for.” “And? What does it say?” I asked with a hopeful smile.

3PO turned to our group, “I am afraid I cannot tell you.” “20.3 fazillion languages and you can’t read that?” Poe asked in confusion.

“I have read it, sir, I know exactly where the wayfinder is,” the droid responded, “Unfortunately, it is written in the runic language of the Sith.” “And?” I asked, inklings of impatience seeping out of my voice.

“My programming forbids me from translating it.” “So you’re telling us the one time we need you to talk,” Poe shook his head, “You can’t?”

“Irony, sir,” the droid answered, backing up to face us head on, “I am mechanically incapable of speaking translations from Sith. I believe the rule was passed by the Senate of the Old Republic.” I wasn’t listening, none of us were listening as he went on, instead focusing on the large serpent that had appeared behind 3PO with a growing growl. The four of us took a startled step back and held out our various weapons. It let out a meaning roar followed by a loud hiss, alerting 3PO to its presence. “Serpent! Serpent! Serpent!” Surprisingly, Rey placed a hand on top of Poe’s blaster and lowered it as the serpent showed off its razor sharp teeth once again. Keeping her eye trained on the beast, she blindly handed her lightsaber out for Finn to take. “Rey…” he cautioned, gripping the weapon tight in his grip. I could sense what she was sensing as I watched her approach, the serpent was crying out in pain more than anything else

“I’m gonna blast it,” Poe said quietly, his blaster once again aimed at the snake.

“Don’t,” I whispered, contradicting my words as I kept my saber activated in my hand, ready to fight if necessary. Rey kneeled down next to the snake, her eyes still locked with it as she laid her hand over its body. It snarled at her but she didn’t flinch, shutting her eyes and doing what I suspected she would do. She healed whatever wound the serpent had, receiving a small non-threatening moan in thanks. It snaked away down another pathway of the cave, revealing an exit that lit the cave up with the sunlight of Pasaana.

Bee rolled forward to ask Rey what she had done as she rubbed her hand, “I just transferred a bit of life. Force energy from me to him. You would’ve done the same.” “Luckily, we won’t have that problem again,” I said as I deactivated my lightsaber and clipped it back onto my belt, helping Rey up after, “Nice job.” Our group climbed out of the hole and we got a good look at the rock structure that displayed Ochi’s ship we’d seen during our speeder chase. “Looks like we’ve got our ride,” Poe commented as we walked up the rocks.

“We cannot possibly fly in that old wreck,” 3PO interjected.

“We gotta keep moving, find someone who can translate that dagger,” Poe replied, “Like a helpful droid.” “I suggest we return to the Millennium Falcon at once,” the droid said as forcefully as he was capable of being. “Troopers’ll be waiting at the Falcon,” I said, pausing my steps to try and shove aside the pain I felt at the thought of leaving my beloved ship behind, “We’ll find a way to get it back.”

Not more than two seconds after I spoke did each hair on my body stand up straight and a cold wave run through my body. I twisted to look out upon the miles of sand and rock, sensing the familiar presence of Ren yet not being able to see him. Rey and I shared a look, concern mixed with understanding that someone had to deal with it. I could feel that it was her that needed to confront him, I wasn’t the only one that shared a complicated history with the Supreme Leader. I nodded understandingly to her, the two of us not needing to speak a single word.

“What is it?” Finn asked, approaching the two of us. “I’ll be right behind you,” she said, handing Finn her staff and bag, “It’s okay.”

She passed by both of us, heading back down the way we’d come to go deal with our problem. “Let’s go,” I directed, turning back towards our new ride, “She’s got this.” The rest of us climbed the rest of the rocks until we hit Ochi’s ship, opening the ramp and heading into the heart of it. “Let’s see what we’ve got,” Poe said, switching on the flickering lights, “Let’s get those converters fired up.”

Finn, Poe and I marched to the cockpit, swiping at dusty cobwebs that adorned the ship. Poe flipped open the shutters and started her up proudly while Finn and I were more focused on looking out the windows for Rey. “Where is she?” he asked me.

Poe interrupted before I could form an answer, “Guys, help me out over here.” “Chewie, tell Rey we gotta go,” Finn ordered the Wookiee, who looked to me for confirmation. I gave a short nod and ran off the assist Poe in getting the ship up and running.

“What is she doing?” he grumbled as he sat down in the captain’s chair. “She’s helping us out,” I sat down in the seat next to him, “Trust me.” “That’s all I get?” he asked annoyedly as he flipped various switches, “Another Jedi thing I wouldn’t understand?”

“Are we really doing this right now?” I snapped, pressing a few buttons to help prep the ship.

“We wouldn’t have to if you would just tell me what’s going on,” Poe shot back, his voice raising to match mine. “It’s Ren,” Finn interrupted our fight, anxiety creeping into his tone. He bolted out of the cockpit leaving Poe and I to ourselves. “Finn, wait!” I yelled, taking off after him before he tried to intervene. I caught up to him outside of the ship, “Finn, you’ve gotta let her do th-“ My feet stopped as I spotted what Finn saw as well, Chewie was being loaded into a First order transport along with the dagger. Finn and I dropped to the rocks, crouching down and watching the scene unfold as the Wookiee pushed forward into the ship, hunched over and handcuffed. My natural instinct was to run and free him, but I knew that spelled too much potential danger for us all. And with Finn’s hand tightly gripping my arm, there was no way he’d let me go. It was one of the worst tortures I had to endure.

“We need to find a way to stop the ship,” I said quietly through my unshed tears, “If Poe could get that thing in the air…” “If we fire, the whole thing goes down,” Finn ended the idea as soon as it had been born.

I buried my face in my hands and rubbed furiously, my mind spinning with adrenaline and worry. The sounds on an approaching ship caught my attention, I rose to my feet and followed the noise across the rocks. Yards away from us stood Rey, lightsaber ignited with her back turned to the ship that undoubtably belonged to Ren. She took a running start as the craft advanced toward her and what happened next even I could hardly believe as I watched it. Rey flipped up in the air, letting her arm hang down and slicing off one of the ship’s wings. While she landed gracefully in a cloud of dust, Ren’s ship split violently until it was just the round cockpit rolling across the field of sand before exploding against one of the rocks. My breath caught as the flames engulfed what was left of his ship, I searched for any life left in the wreckage, sensing that he wasn’t dead yet. With my focus momentarily on Ren, I hadn’t noticed Finn had climbed down the rocks and was calling out for Rey.

“They got Chewie! They got him!” he pointed to the skies, I looked up to see the transport containing him had taken off.

“No,” I mumbled to myself, sticking my hand out to stop the ship using the Force. Rey had the same idea and aided me in my efforts. At that moment, a familiar cloaked figure emerged from the flaming wreckage, slowly making his way towards us. I could feel his stony, emotionless stare even with the great gap between us. Even so, I kept my focus on trying to pull the ship out of the sky. Ren extended his hand as well, creating resistance for Rey and I that only made us try harder. The three of us stood locked in our stances, throwing the ship from side to side as we battled for the life inside.

Then suddenly, the fight was over. From Rey’s outstretched hand came thick strands of lightning that wrapped around the ship. It took mere seconds until an explosion ripped the ship apart.

“Chewie!” Rey shrieked in horror. “No!” Finn cried.

I dropped to my knees in shock, watching as the wreckage floated to the ground, Chewie buried somewhere inside. One loud guttural sob escaped my lips and I clutched my stomach, crying out for the loss of another part of my family.

“Guys!” Poe’s voice broke through my grief, “We gotta go! They’re coming!”

Through my tears, I looked above to see Poe standing above me next to the ship and heard the noise of incoming fighters. I had to summon the strength to rise to my feet, my eyes drifting back to Chewie’s fiery grave one last time. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice choked with emotion. I spared a final look to Ren, who I could sense was just as shocked at what had happened as I was. I sensed something in him, the same thing I had sensed when Mom had been thrown out of the Raddus. Sorrow. I wished I could have said I cared, but all I felt towards him was anger. He had contributed to Chewie’s death.

As Rey and Finn approached, I snapped back into action and climbed the rocks, Poe helping me and pulling me up the final foot. We bolted for the ship, racing to the cockpit and taking our assigned seats. He had gotten the thing in flying shape and as soon as we had everybody on board, Poe lifted it off the ground and shot us into the sky and away from the fighters. It was only when I knew he could manage without me that I slipped out of my chair and out of the cockpit.

A distraught Rey was waiting in the hold for me, she stood as I entered, “Y/n, I’m so-“ I breezed past her and Finn, I ignored the droids, I didn’t even think to go to Poe for comfort. Instead, I locked myself in the refresher and let my tears freely fall, mourning the loss of my life long friend.

----

A/N: I promise the next chapter will have little more going on...Let me know what you thought or if you’d like to be tagged ☺️

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true-blue-megamind · 3 years

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FAN THEORY THURSDAY – Why Did Metroman Retire?

Happy Almost-Friday, everyone! And even though Minion threatens to smother everything he cooks in old Limburger cheese each time I say it: SPOILER WARNING!

Yes, I know, it’s three a.m. and it’s technically Friday, but I’m still calling this Thursday night, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Okay, let’s be honest, Metroman is a character who seems, on the surface, to require little explanation in the film Megamind. He’s only present in the beginning and end, and we spend half the movie believing he’s dead, and we learn that Metroman has done something almost unheard of among superheroes: he’s chosen to retire. The question is: why? There is a tendency to think that he's simply a spoiled rich boy who, (in his social life, at least,) does what he wants without regard for others, but is that really fair? Or could there be other possible reasons? Well, let’s take a look at a few fan theories that may explain why he chose to abandon heroism for a music career.

Metroman Didn’t Want to Be a Hero

Although he’s clearly based on—and perhaps even poking a little fun at—the Man of Steel, Metroman was no Superman. (I mean, okay, he was technically a super-man, since he had strength, speed, and powers far beyond what a human would possess.) Except, here’s the thing: he’s not a carbon copy of the Man of Steel; Metroman and Superman have completely different lives and personalities. This remains true despite the fact that they share a similar origin—that of being aliens from a dead planet—and identical powers—including laser-vision and flight. Even their code names are comparable. However, if we look deeper, it becomes obvious that Metroman and Superman are two very different characters.

Superman is all about being an upstanding hero. Although he can be annoyingly persnickety, and sometimes displays nearly oppressively unyielding strictures about right and wrong, one thing you can say about the Man of Steel is that he’s generally integral. He is exactly what his public image portrays him to be: a Good Guy through and through. The same isn’t true of Metroman, and in some ways that makes him a more complex and interesting character.

The childhoods of the two heroes are extremely different. As I’ve mentioned in Why Was Megamind Raised in Prison, when a boy, Metroman was a bully, not only making young Megamind an outsider and the object of everything from teasing to physical attacks, but also inspiring other students to do the same. Superman, on the other hand, far from being a bully was bullied by Pete Ross. Rather than using his powers against others, he was too responsible and good-hearted to use them even against Pete Ross. Metroman is adopted by super-wealthy parents, and is essentially a trust-fund baby, while Superman was adopted by a farm family. He grows up with a good work ethic and hometown values. Indeed, this economic discrepancy continues into adulthood. As far as we can tell, Metroman doesn’t need to work and has no job outside being a superhero. Superman, conversely, has to earn a living as a journalist. Finally, in the majority of comics, Superman avoids most public appearances, unless he feels they serve some beneficial social purpose. Indeed, he goes to great lengths to keep his identity a secret and avoid the public eye as much as possible. The first time we see Metroman in the film, however, he is basking in a crowd’s adoration at the dedication of a museum in his honor. Indeed, in the original script, then called Mastermind, Metroman’s real identity seems to be widely known. (In case you’re wondering, this is where the name Wayne Smith, commonly used in the fandom, originates from.) So, we see that these character are actually very different: one is a hero strictly for the greater good, and the other, while he certainly does a lot of good things, is also in it for the fame.

This may seem like I’m being harsh toward poor Wayne Smith, but his flaws do not, in fact, make him a bad person. The issue is that we’re comparing him to Superman who, while still certainly imperfect, is intended to be a better-than-average person in every way, including moral. Make no mistake, Metro City’s former hero isn’t any sort of villain; what he is is normal. If we’re honest, most of us would be pleased by wide-spread accolades and honors. He reacts to positive fame the same way nearly anyone would because, at his heart, he’s really just a typical guy. That is the material point: Wayne Smith really only wants to be an average citizen—a music star, perhaps, but still a relatively ordinary person. In that way, he and Megamind are alike: they both desire, more than nearly anything else, to be normal. The key difference is that Megamind’s sincere and driving concern for his city also makes him ideal for becoming a hero. (You can learn more about this particular fan theory in The Warden and in Megamind and Identity.)

So, why did Wayne Smith become a Defender in the first place, then? Again, I’ve briefly touched on this in previous posts, but it appears likely that Metroman was pushed into heroism just as much as Megamind was pushed into supervillainy. Because he was a bully with superpowers, it’s likely that adults around him realized something had to be done about Wayne. Otherwise he was a danger. So, they constructed an environment—the Li’l Gifted School—where he could be conditioned to seek the praise of others as well as to fight Megamind, who had been singled out as his future nemesis. (In fact, that conditioning is probably why he opted for a career that would put him on stage, aside from a probable love of music.)

Because the path chosen for Megamind involved more hardships and pain, it’s easy to forget that Metroman was in essentially the exact same plight. However, the fact remains that these were both children, and they were both being coerced into perceived destinies they didn’t want. Neither of them were given a choice and, in the end, both of them cast off the expectations pressed upon them to become the people they really wanted to be. The difference is that, because of our natural biases, Megamind’s rise to Defender of Metro City seems more noteworthy than Metroman’s step into Mr. Average Joe. The truth, however, is that both characters were basically doing the same thing: being true to themselves.

Metroman May Have Had Health Concerns

We know Megamind and Metroman are close to the same age—although the latter appears to be about a year rather than days old when he lands on Earth—but what that age is is open to supposition. We know, however, that they are almost certainly in their thirties, probably in their mid- to late-thirties. (Take a look at How Old is Megamind for more information about that.) However, we can see that Wayne is already going gray around the temples. Of course, some people’s genetics simply cause them to go gray earlier, and that’s certainly a possibility, but one fan theory suggest there may be more going on. The idea has been put forward that Wayne’s super-speed may be having an adverse effect on him, forcing his body to work overtime to keep up. The resulting physical stress could be making him age prematurely.

That’s not the only factor to consider. As hard as heroism may have been on his body, the effects on Metroman’s mind would have been even greater. Before the events in the movie, Metro City’s authorities—and, indeed, all its citizens—became too reliant upon their superhuman hero, and as a result that hero was run ragged. That isn’t a mere hypothesis. A scene that was storyboarded but never included in the final film makes Metroman’s plight perfectly clear. We see him being called from one end of the city to the other for everything from a massive explosion to an old lady needing help opening a jar. Keep in mind that, when hearing a cry for assistance, the hero would likely be unable to tell who truly needed him urgently and who was simply making unnecessary demands, thus he would have to rush to every call he heard. Even the city’s law enforcement seems to take him for granted, refusing to take criminals he just hand-delivered to jail because they’re on lunch break. The cumulative effect is that Metroman looks nearly frantic with stress.

youtube

This is important because, aside from the obvious mental and emotional concerns, this sort of stress accelerates aging as well. According to an article in the Huffington Post, when glycation and telomere shortening, as well as the over-oxidation, are caused by enduring heightened stress for prolonged periods of time, it can result not only in graying hair and premature wrinkles, but heart trouble as well. Even the memory can be affected, as one study by the University of Wisconsin found that stress can age a person’s brain up to four years faster than normal, and contribute to cognitive problems later in life. (The study was part of a presentation—you have no idea how badly I wanted to write that word in all-caps—and is thus currently unpublished, but information about it can be found in an article from Over Sixty.)

Metroman Retired for the Good of Everybody

As you can see, in a strange way, having a super-powered Defender was actually crippling Metro City. In fact, it may be truly damaging to the local infrastructure and official organizations. Youtuber Olaf Scholtens, in his video Megamind: Power and Identity, uses the metaphor of an airplane manufacturer to explain what’s going on. (If you’ve read my own post Megamind and Identity, you’ve seen this before.) Engineers and factories put a lot of effort and expense into making certain aircraft are as safe as possible, but what would happen if they felt they could confidently assume a superhero would simply catch any plane that crashed, saving everyone on board? Safety standards would probably become far more lax, and people might be in far more danger as a result. Given the way that nearly everyone in Metro City seems to assume Metroman will always save the day, it’s possible that, within the urban area, the same thing could be happening with things like building code enforcement, large construction projects, and even public safety measures. Bridges might not be properly built, fire hazards might not be addressed, and, given the blasé attitudes of the cops in the storyboard, law enforcement officers might not even be bothering to keep an eye on things. By retiring, Metroman forced the city to become more self-sufficient again.

That, however, may not have been the only problem Metroman was trying to solve. Remember the whole discussion about the former Defender’s school boy bullying and the apparent conspiracy to turn one boy into a hero and the other into a supervillain? It’s possible Wayne may have felt remorse for the former and found out about the latter. Having battled Megamind so much in the past, he also may have realized that the blue man never actually hurt anyone, and in fact went out of his way to stage their confrontations in abandoned places. (Again, you can read more about that in both Megamind and Identity and The Warden.) It may be that Metroman real “brilliant plan” wasn’t simply to fake his death, but in doing so to prod Megamind into becoming a hero and thus accepted by society.

There is an alternative theory, put forward in a Reddit post, that Megamind and Metroman’s parents may have known one another, and may have sent both children to Earth with the intention of them becoming a dynamic duo, fighting evil together with Megamind as the brains and Metroman as the brawn. This could have been what Megamind’s father meant when he told his son: “You are destined for greatness.” While there is very little support for this in the movie, it would explain why, in the vast cosmos, both of the young survivors were sent not only to the same planet, but even to the same city.

Whatever the reason may have been, one thing is certain: there certainly is some evidence that Metroman intended his one-time nemesis to become a hero. One of his lines, after Roxanne and Megamind discover he’s still alive, supports this. You know the one. “If there’s bad, good will rise up against it. It’s taken me a long time to find my calling; now it’s time you find yours.” Then, of course, there is another line, when Music Man is watching his former enemy take the role of Defender of Metro City: “way to go, Little Buddy. I knew you had it in you.”

If Metroman really did purposefully help Megamind step into heroism, that could also explain why he didn’t stop Megamind from taking over the city—perhaps he trusted the blue man not to harm anyone and to eventually come to his senses—as well as why he refuses to overtly help defeat Titan. He does, however, clearly subtly assist Megamind, as the latter almost certainly went back to Wayne’s hideout to scan his appearance and voice into the holowatch. All of this together makes it seem quite plausible that Metroman not only wanted to retire, but also wanted the blue man to take his place.

Megamind and Metroman by White-Night-56 on Deviant Art

Maybe this means that, now that Megamind is the Defender of Metro City, he and Music Man occasionally get together to commiserate over the more difficult aspects of being a superhero and joke about the old days.

It’s also quite possible that all of these fan theories could be true. The film Megamind is, among other things, surprisingly subtle, complex, and subversive for an animated movie. Every time I dive deep into some aspect or other of the plot, I am once again impressed by the amount of thought and detail that went into this work. No wonder Megamind—and its characters—have so many dedicated fans.

#Megamind #Megamind movie #Metro Man #Metroman #Wayne Smith #Megamind fan theory #Megamind fan theories #DreamWorks #hero #Defender #Metro City #fan theory #fan theories #Fan Theory Thursday #Megamind fandom #Youtube #megamind

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beetlegoose01 · 3 years

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first hero (one shot)

AN: Snippets of Draco as a father, and one as a grandfather. :)

Before Scorpius was born, Draco had no experience with babies or small children. He was raised an only child, and had no knowledge of what to do. His own father was never one for comforting hugs or piggy back rides or teaching him how to properly play Quidditch without falling off his broom. He wasn't a terrible father, but he was definitely not a doting one.

He would do better. Draco vowed the second he discovered Astoria was expecting, that he would. He would do everything he could for this child. Resting his hand to her ever growing bump, whispering 'I love yous' and soft French lullabies.

"Is that-?" Draco uttered, eyes sparkling with wonder.

She laughed. "A little kick, yes."

"Does it hurt?"

"No, silly. Like a baby bird fluttering about."

Astoria's health was declining. Her body was already weakening from her curse and the pregnancy seemed to exhaust her further, day by day.

"If I don't see them grow," She whispered one night, caressing his cheek. "Please watch out for them, Draco. Promise me, you will."

His heart ached at her painfully true words. "I don't want to make that promise. Maybe there's some hope...some positivity?"

"It's the truth." She shrugged. "I can't change that, Draco. You know it, even if you won't say. Promise me?"

"...I promise."

Their son was born just a few days before Christmas. He had been intended to be born after the New Year, but his early arrival was welcomed nevertheless.

"He's...so tiny." Draco whispered, staring at the swaddled infant laying against his mother's chest. He didn't dare touch the blond fuzz, like dandelion fluff on their little one's head. He was so premature, so fragile.

"Hello Scorpius," Astoria murmured, exhausted and blotchy from childbirth, but still had a twinkle in her eyes. The tiny boy yawned, nestling closer to her. "Would you like to hold him?"

Draco nodded firmly, though he was positively terrified of dropping the boy. Astoria placed him gently in his arms, and he melted as the infant squirmed and squeaked.

"Hello, little fellow." He said, careful not to shift too much. "I'm your papa, Scorpius. Scorpius..." He thought for a moment. "Have we decided on a middle name?"

Astoria shook her head. "Are you sure you don't want to do Lucius?"

"Positive." He said, watching as their son's eyes fluttered open. They were bright and blue, like his mother's. Then, it dawned on him. "Hyperion."

"Like my father?"

Draco sat beside her, kissing Scorpius' head, then Astoria's rosy cheeks. "A man worthy of his name being carried on by our boy."

"Scorpius Hyperion," She repeated, smiling. "I like it."

~•~

Scorpius proved to be a shy, but precocious child, always fascinated in anything and everything. Though he had little contact with any other children his own age, he was best friends with his parents, and even occasionally visited his maternal cousins- though by visiting really he sat in the corner, staring at a picture book instead of interacting with them. He was quiet, remarkably quiet with his cousins.

Not that they didn't encourage him to talk to them.

"How about you join them, Scorpius?" Astoria asked, laying on the picnic blanket beside her husband and son. Her nieces, Constance and Cordelia were loudly playing gobstones while Daphne supervised them. "Gobstones is fun, I'm sure they'll teach you."

Scorpius simply shook his head, pointing at his book.

"Alright." She kissed his head fondly. "What would you like to do pumpkin?"

"Braid your hair, mummy." He whispered, giggling.

"My hair's already braided, silly. But...daddy's isn't." She smirked.

"Yeah!' Scorpius chirped, popping his thumb out of his mouth. "Flowers too?"

"Ooh that's a brilliant idea!"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "What are you suggesting?"

"Your hair is so long and pretty. Perfect for braiding." Astoria said, eyes crinkling as she laughed.

So Draco stood as still as he possibly could as his son and wife braided daisies and other flowers in his platinum hair, all while holding back chuckles as Scorpius stumbled around looking for various flowers to put in his hair.

"No, no Scorpius' that's a weed-" He started, but Scorpius didn't hear him, and continued braiding, singing a made up song to himself as he worked.

~•~

"Dad?" Scorpius asked one afternoon, while Draco was brooding by the fireplace. Astoria was resting upstairs after a particularly bad morning of sickness.

"Yes, son?"

"I um," He stared at his shoes, growing anxious. "I finished all the books in mum's library."

"Reading them?" Draco asked, puzzled, though not surprised. Though he was only nine, he devoured books like sweets. Instead of playing, he would read in a cushy armchair, reading books bigger than his head. Fantasy books, muggle literature, textbooks, non fiction, spell books- anything he could get his hands on. He especially loved ones with facts.

"Almost all of them." He corrected softly. "There's the ones you have locked up."

"Ah." Draco hummed. "You wouldn't be interested in that...it's all very grim. They're all about the War."

"Please, can I?" Scorpius begged. "I barely know anything about that and I'm so curious."

"How about we read it together? There are some things you need to know that ...you won't be happy to hear."

They read the old book together, and Scorpius was silent the entire time. When they finished a chapter about the list of Death Eaters, he looked distraught.

"I'm sorry, son." He murmured, but Scorpius didn't answer. Instead, he curled up beside his dad.

"Do you still have it?" He asked finally. "The mark?"

"...Yes."

"So we were evil?" The question was so innocent, but it still hurt.

"It's ...complicated. This mark serves as a constant reminder of my wrongdoings. With your mother's help, I became a better man. At least, I think so."

Scorpius dimpled. "You are." He yawned sleepily, resting his head on Draco. "I love you."

"I love you too, Scorpius."

~•~

"Ready?" Astoria asked, fixing Scorpius' black tie. "Oh, you look so grown up." She cooed.

"Mum!" Scorpius whined. "The train is going to leave soon!"

"I know, I know. One more hug and a kiss?" She asked, and he happily obliged. Thankfully at the age of eleven, he was still young enough to not be embarrassed by hugs. Especially Astoria hugs. She kissed the top of his hair.

"I'll miss you." He whimpered.

"Be good." Draco added, patting his shoulder. "Don't cause too much trouble."

"I won't, dad. I'll miss you too." He said glumly. "Suppose I don't make any friends?"

"You will."

"Don't forget your sweets." Astoria passed the bag to her son. "To help you make friends. Remember?" She winked. "Everyone will want to be your friend if you share."

"Friendly bribery." Draco joked. "But also because of your charming personality."

Scorpius laughed nervously as the train whistled. "I should go then."

"Write to us as soon as you can," Astoria said. "We love you, sweet boy."

"I love you too." He gave them a watery smile. "Bye then." He reluctantly walked towards the train, the trunk already put away so he only had his cat carrier to hold.

Watching him slip away made Astoria's lip quiver.

"He'll be alright, Toria." Draco assured her.

"I hope the other children will be nice." She said. "I don't want his light to dim."

Draco said nothing. It was true, Scorpius was the embodiment of sunshine and love, the idea of putting him with other children who most likely knew of the rumor was not comforting. He had wanted to homeschool Scorpius, but Astoria had insisted he needed to interact with others his age. Sending him to Hogwarts still felt like bringing a unicorn foal to a Chimera den.

"He will be alright." He repeated to himself.

School was harder than they had predicted. Scorpius had made one friend, Albus Potter of all people, who was sorted in Slytherin with him. Still, judging by his letters, he was happy. The other students teased them, but they had each other.

Which was enough.

~•~

It was a grey, cold summer's day. Scorpius curled up by the windowsill, silently watching the raindrops drip down the window. Everything felt bleak and dim. Not even the birds nearby chirped their beautiful songs.

"Be brave, Scorpius." His mum smiled, her strength weakening. "I love you."

"I love you too, mum."

He had held her hand as she passed away into the night.

"Scorpius..." Draco said, voice shaky. "Please let me in."

Scorpius hadn't heard him. He continued to watch the rain fall.

~•~

They were drifting apart. Draco could sense it. He had tried desperately to reach out to his son, but nothing worked.

Astoria would have known what to do. And now...well it was up to Draco to help his deeply distraught son.

After Scorpius' reappearance, he had hoped their relationship would rekindle somehow. It hadn't, despite his stress over losing him and the brief reunion that they shared was awkward. His son was back at school and that was that. Draco wished they could have spent a longer time together, especially after he had been missing for some time.

He stirred his tea thoughtfully. At least Scorpius was at Hogwarts with Albus and his professors. Still, the idea of /why/ he ran away was perplexing.

The manor chimney moved slightly. Placing his tea down, he watched as his lanky son tumbled out in a puff of soot and floo powder.

"Scorpius?" Draco asked, rushing to his side. "What are you doing here?"

Scorpius lifted his head, collapsing into his father's arms. "I came to see you."

It had been a while since they had hugged, but Draco didn't reject it. He held onto his son, his sweet son and let him weep into his chest like he was a little boy again.

"It's Albus." He gulped, voice cracking. "He won't speak to me. Dad, everything is wrong- he avoids me, all of our classes have been changed so we aren't in anything together." His eyes were glassy with tears. "I know for some reason he's in Gryffindor now, but he doesn't even ...acknowledge I exist. It's like he hates me."

"No...no...he doesn't hate you. We'll sort this all out." He paused. "And the other kids, have they been unkind?"

Scorpius stared at him in disbelief. "They've always been unkind, Dad! I'm the son of Voldemort, remember?" He snapped, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You don't know half of the things they do. Every day. Every day they hex me, belittle me, tease me. They make me feel...worthless."

Draco felt his heart break as Scorpius' face crumpled.

"School was fine with classes and such and when I had Al with me to make everything bearable. Now I don't even have him. I'm all alone. I don't want to be alone, Dad. I don't want to go back to school. I hate it there." He took a shaky breath. "I hate it so, so much."

"Scorpius I..."

"I miss mum."

"I know."

He had to make things right.

~•~

His son had come out as bisexual the following year after his little 'adventure' with Albus. Draco hadn't understood the term at first. He had to do extensive research to fully comprehend the meanings, alongside other sexualities that were included. Sexualities and gender were confusing, even Scorpius admitted it.

He didn't understand at first. But he listened to Scorpius explain tearfully, and hugged him as tight as possible when he mentioned he was dating Albus Potter.

"I love him." Scorpius said quietly. "That's what matters the most. Not my labels...nor his."

"I'm so proud of you."

~•~

His son was married.

His son was married, and he couldn't be happier.

Watching Scorpius embrace Albus at their wedding was everything Draco could have wanted. Seeing his son love someone, and look at him with such adoration made his heart soar.

He could see Astoria's bright smile in Scorpius' eyes as he laughed, leaning against his new husband. They were both glowing with genuine happiness.

‘All was well.’ He thought, wondering if Astoria was proud of him too.

~~~~~

Draco was much more confident holding his newborn granddaughter. At least, more confident than when he held Scorpius for the first time. She too, was early and had the same expression of curiosity in her eyes. He chuckled fondly as she reached her tiny hand to grab a hold of his pinky finger. She was precious as a doll, with fuzzy blonde hair and curious turquoise eyes. What a wonder, being that small and innocent.

“She’s beautiful.” He murmured. “What is her name?”

Albus grinned, pride evident in his voice. “Astoria Ginevra.”

#drastoria #draco malfoy #astoria greengrass #astoria malfoy #fanfics #scorbus #scorpius malfoy #baby scorpius

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amythedvdhoarder · 4 years

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Protection - Part 10

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, Steve x Reader (platonic)

Story Summary: Bucky cannot bear that Y/N was hurt because of him. He has to find a way to keep her safe. Forever

Chapter Summary: Bucky returns and you decide to keep your pregnancy a secret from him. Will you ever be able to forgive and let him back into your life?

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of pregnancy and labour plus whole lot of angst.

Word count: 3.8K

Author’s note: Gif not mine. Sorry it has taken me ages to update this, I have been busy writing Bucky one-shots for the flex your writing muscles challenge. I can’t quite decide whether to write a full other chapter and an epilogue or just an epilogue. Please let me know of you have any thoughts. Feedback always welcome, it is lovely to see who has been reading this story. Enjoy x

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Bucky’s POV

Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he got a good night’s sleep. That was a lie. He could. But the memory of you curled up against him made his heart hurt. Echoes of your screams played on a loop in his head. The betrayal in your voice as you had begged him not to leave made him physically ache. All he wanted to do was find his way back to you. But would you even take him back after all the lies he had told you to try and protect you? His eyelids felt heavy, sleep threatening but he had to try and focus. He was close now.

It had been 6 months. 6 months away from you. 6 months of hunting down Zemo, the head of the Sokovian death squad. The man who had nearly killed his best friend and the man who had threatened to tear his adopted family apart. Bucky had been taking out members of Zemo’s death squad as he tracked them across the world. He had been careful about it though. It was a fine line; he wanted Zemo to know he was on borrowed time but didn’t want to draw the team’s attention. Now all that remained was Zemo and the last of his cult.

Bucky watched as the light turned off in the tower block across the street from his hiding place. Zemo and his goon were in there and there was no way they were leaving in one piece. This was one the few times that Bucky could remember being grateful for his skill set. Zemo was going to pay, unfortunately the price was his life. He waited in the darkness, took a deep breath then headed towards the tower block, gun tucked in the back of his trousers and cap pulled low over his face.

Readers POV

Subconsciously your hand fell to your stomach and rested on the swelling bump. It had been 3 months ago since Dr Cho had told you about your pregnancy. 6 months since Bucky had left. You were sat watching Steve paint the walls in what would become your baby’s nursery. You were excited about becoming a mother but you still couldn’t shake the sadness that had lingered around you since Bucky had left. Steve had been your rock during the pregnancy; he came with you to every scan, he helped Tony organise new living quarters for you in the compound for when the baby arrived. Not to mention how he had moved into the room next to yours just in case you needed anything during the night.

Steve’s phone rang, he put the paintbrush down and quickly yanked the phone out of his back pocket. “Sam what’s up?” You couldn’t make out what Sam was saying but could hear the urgency in his tone. “We’ll be right there.” He walked over to you calmly, held out his hand for you to take, helping you out of your seat. “Steve, what’s happened?” He sighed. “Zemo.” Just upon hearing his name you could feel your heart hammering in your chest. If they had something on Zemo, then maybe there would be news about Bucky. Your mind was racing at the prospect of some information, so much so that you didn’t pay attention to where you were going allowing Steve to lead you all the way to the conference room.

Sam was waiting for you both when you arrived, his expression unreadable. “I’m just going to come out and say it. We found Zemo” Steve looked at him for a second frustrated “and…” Sam glanced at Steve and then at you. “He’s dead. It’s not a pretty sight I will warn you now.” An image flashed up on the screen. It was hard to identify Zemo; he looked like he had been attacked by a wild animal. Whom ever had done this had been consumed by pure rage and any form of self-control had vanished. You looked away in shock, the image bringing up the terrible memories of finding Steve after he had been kidnapped. You didn’t need to ask who had do this, it was Bucky. Bucky had finally taken his revenge. Steve cleared his throat, he knew what this meant. “Any sign of Buck?”

As Sam explained how there were still no signs of Bucky, Steve automatically placed his arm around you and ran it up and down your back. There was no evidence that Bucky had any involvement, but it was obvious to those of you within the team. Now Bucky had completed his mission, would he come back? A glance at Steve’s face told you he was thinking the exact same thing; he was biting his bottom lip and had one eyebrow raised in thought.

For the next few days everyone on the team was quiet. There was no easy flowing conversations and any interaction was an effort. All of you were anxious about what was going to happen now. Would Bucky suddenly reappear as if nothing had happened or would he stay away? Either way, you had made a decision. If Bucky did come back, you didn’t want to see him. Yes, you may be carrying his baby but he didn’t know that. How could you trust him not to run away again? He had hurt you and you didn’t think you would recover if he walked out on you again and this time on his child as well. Steve took a bit of persuading to come around to your way of thinking but ultimately agreed with you, at least until the baby had been born. Dr Cho has already warned that due to the super serum from Bucky, the baby was developing faster. Any stress could potentially harm the baby or even cause you to go into premature labour. So, it was agreed, you moved into you flat in the compound that week with Steve taking the guest room.

It was the middle of the night about a week later FRIDAY sent out the alert. The AI’s voice rang through your flat. “Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes is at the door to the compound.” You struggled to sit up, in the last week your bump had ballooned leaving you feeling like a beached whale. As you flicked on the bedside lamp, Steve appeared at your door still fighting his way into a t-shirt. “You ok?” he asked through a yawn. You gave him a half smile “I guess, least we know he’s safe.” Your gaze lowered to your bump and your hands ran over it softly. “Look Y/N, I’m probably going to be a while dealing with this. He doesn’t have access to this floor so you want wonder in to him by accident. I’m not going to tell him anything. Ok?” When you didn’t answer him, Steve walked over to you. He wiped away the tears that were rolling down your cheeks with his thumb and leant down to place a kiss on your head. “It’s going to be ok Y/. I promise.” He lifted your hand to his lips and with that he left.

Bucky’s POV

He knew it was wrong to just show up now after everything that had happened, but he wanted to be near you again. He had done what he had set out to do. Zemo was dead; he didn’t pose a threat to any of the team anymore, to you. He saw Steve walking towards the door, his jaw was clenched and he looked thoroughly pissed. Bucky braced himself for what was about to come. Steve punched in the code to open the door and motioned for Bucky to come in. “Steve…” Steve help his hand up “Don’t” he growled. “Follow me.” In the conference room Bucky was met by several pairs of disdainful eyes; Tony, Nat, Sam and of course Steve. There was one pair missing, the pair he longed to see regardless of the hate for him that they probably contained. Steve pointed to a seat and Bucky sat, he glanced to the door wondering if you were going to walk in. When everyone else drew up a seat, he knew you weren’t coming.

“What the hell were you thinking Barnes?” Nat started. “What part of ‘team’ don’t you fucking understand?” Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. Of course, he had thought through what he could say to everyone, but now he was here he didn’t have a clue. “Look I’m sorry. I just thought…” Nat got to her feet now, anger taking over taking any semblance of professionalism “No you fucking didn’t. You didn’t think at all. Steve was a mess and Y/N well …”. “Nat” Steve cut her off. She shot him an apologetic look. “You left Bucky because you and your jumped ego thought you could handle this on your own. Sod everyone else.” Nat shook her head, her hand trembling with the rage currently coursing through her. “I don’t often say this but I can’t do this” Nat walked out of the room, the men left behind stunned into silence.

Sam started next. “She has a point man. Zemo threatened us all, hell he nearly killed Steve. Do you not think we were all in this?” Bucky just glared at him. No one was ever going to think he had might the right choice, maybe he didn’t but the problem had been dealt with. What had been done and how it was done couldn’t be changed. “I did what I had to do. I did this for years, it’s not something I am proud of but I’m different to all of you” Tony’s fists clenched on the table in front of him. “You would have arrested Zemo, he didn’t need imprisoning he needed getting rid of. I did what none of you would have done. Did I enjoy it? No. But it had to be done.” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Buck, it wasn’t your choice to make.”

Bucky knew it was pointless arguing. “Obviously there are going to be consequences Barnes. 6 months suspension and house arrest. I don’t know what consequences there will be from other agencies. At the minute they have no idea your involved so maybe you’ll get lucky” Bucky nodded at Tony, accepting his fate. The punishment wasn’t as harsh as he thought it was going to be. He thought for sure he was going to be kicked out onto the street or put in some max security facility. Tony left the room leaving Bucky with Sam and Steve.

“I know I don’t have much right to ask this but where’s Y/N? I need to talk to her. Apologise I was an arsehole.” Sam scoffed “Got that right”. Steve’s face hardened “She doesn’t want to see you. You hurt her Buck. She’s gonna need time.” Bucky didn’t trust his voice to hide his emotions so chose to nod. “Sam is going to get a detailed account of everything that happened whilst you were after Zemo.” Steve stood up, his hand on the door handle. “Buck, she’s still here, she’s safe. But please don’t go looking for her. When she wants to see you, she will.” Steve stood staring and Bucky, waiting for a response. “Ok Steve.”

Bucky sat in the room for hours with Sam, patiently recalling the events of the last 6 months. Every location, every stakeout and every killing. Sam didn’t have to prompt Bucky for any information, he just let Bucky regurgitate the facts. “I did it for Y/N” Bucky said suddenly, “I just wanted to make it safer for her, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her.” Sam smiled sadly. “FRIDAY, stop recording” The AI confirmed and Sam cracked his fingers then looked up at Bucky. “Look man, I can’t tell you how torn up she was. But I think part of her understands. She loves you, that doesn’t go away but you have to admit what you did was brutal. You can’t expect it to go back to the way it was, for her to trust you.” Bucky bowed his head into his hands. What did he expect? He told you he had lied to you, that he didn’t love you, that he had used you. All he ever wanted to do was protect you, but to do that he had hurt you in the worst possible way. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness, he knew that, but he needed to be around you, to show you how he really felt. Sam stood up and rested his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you back to your room.”

Bucky followed Sam up to his old room. Bucky felt his heart break as he walked past the door to your old room; it was clear that you weren’t there anymore. All of your belongings had been cleared out, the only trace that you had been there was a faint lingering scent of fresh cotton and lavender. Once closing the door to his own room, he realised it had been like he never left. The memories of the last time he had been in the room flooded back to him. Your cries still seemed to echo around the walls and hurt evident on your face as you screamed at him. His final act in this room had been one of betrayal; severing ties to the one person who meant the most to him. Going after Zemo had been the right thing to do, but the way he had pushed you away, the malice in his words. Well that was unforgivable. Bucky threw himself and screamed into the pillow. The emotions he had worked so hard to keep at bay for the last 6 months finally poured out until he was exhausted.

Over the next few weeks Bucky kept himself to himself. He didn’t venture out of his room during the day. He couldn’t bare the disappointing and judgemental looks from the others, the self-hatred was enough. In the middle of the night, he would venture from his room, got to the gym for a bit, walk around and eat some food. He always lingered in the places he knew you used to go, he wanted to see you, to just run into you accidently. It wasn’t as if it is breaking Steve’s request, he wasn’t actively looking for you he just hoped that before he shut himself back in his room, away from the world, he might just catch a glimpse of you. It was selfish really but he just needed to see you. It was killing him knowing that everyone else got to spend time with you, he would catch snippets of hushed conversations as people walked past his door. Just the simple mention your name would make him run to the door and look for any sign of you. He even smelt you on Steve a couple of times when he had come to visit and he couldn’t help but feel jealous. For now, he just had to accept that you didn’t want to see him and after everything he had done he couldn’t blame you.

Readers POV

You were sat waiting for Steve when he came back from seeing Bucky, a mug of tea clutched in your hand the other placed on your bump. Steve came and sat down next to you and sighed. “Y/N, you should be sleeping.” Placing your cup down, you shifted, with some difficulty, to lean against Steve who automatically wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “I couldn’t.” Steve trailed his fingertips down your arm. “How was he?” You tilted your head up to look at Steve. He pinched his nose and scrunched his eyes up before meeting your expectant gaze. “He’s not injured.” You pressed your hand to his chest. “You know that’s not what I meant.” He groaned. “I know Y/N. He seems lost. Nat had a proper go at him and he just took it. Didn’t fight back when she screamed at him.” Steve knew what you wanted to hear and couldn’t deny you. “He asked about you Y/N. I think he really regrets how he treated you.” All you could do was nod in acceptance and nestle tighter into Steve’s chest. Despite the fact that he had hurt you so much, you couldn’t help but feel comforted by the fact that he was back, that he was safe. Your brain was telling you to stay clear of him but your heart, well it knew that he had lied. He had said those things to protect, even if he had to hurt you.

For the next few weeks you never seemed to get a minute to yourself. It was like the team was babysitting you. Steve was obviously staying with you in the flat, but when he was busy then you had Nat, Sam, Tony or Clint keeping you company. All you wanted was peace and quiet, time to be on your own. You knew what they were doing; they were trying to keep you distracted, but to be honest you also suspected it was partly down to Bucky’s return. Maybe they thought you were going to go looking for him or he was going to come looking for you. Every time there was a knock on the door your stomach flutter in anticipation. Even though Steve had told you that Bucky had no access to the floor you still hoped that Bucky would try to find a way to see you. But he didn’t, as far as you knew he had no idea where you were or in fact you were carrying his child.

After 8 months the pregnancy was really taking its toll on you. It was becoming more and more difficult to sleep due partly to how much your back hurt but mainly because of how active the baby was. Walking around seemed to alleviate some of the pain and also stopped the demon child kicking the hell out of your internal organs. So that was how you found yourself wondering around the compound at 3 in the morning. Steve had told you to stay on your floor at all times; it made you feel like a prisoner. Plus, the likelihood of anyone being awake was slim to none. You had heard the snores coming from Steve’s room as you snuck out and figured what he didn’t know would hurt him.

Exhausted from the short walk you sat at the breakfast bar in the communal kitchen sipping on a cold bottle of water. You hissed at the sharp pain coming from your abdomen, the baby still very much active despite the time of day. “Do you ever sleep?” you mumbled down at the bump. “Y/N?” You froze at the voice in the doorway. It was a voice that stirred a lot of emotions within you; love, sadness, anger, fear, longing and at the minute you couldn’t decide which emotion was winning. You turned your body, hiding your stomach from view and turned to look at Bucky. He took a hesitant step into the kitchen. “Am I alright to come in?” he asked quietly. You nodded, you didn’t quite trust yourself to speak yet. Bucky leaned against the cabinets on the other side of the room, giving you space.

It wasn’t difficult to notice the changes; his hair had grown out, he had lost a little bit of weight and the spark in his eyes was gone, he looked lost. As he shifted on his feet slightly and toyed with his fingers you witnessed just how nervous he looked. “Look I know you never want to see me again, I can go if you want?” His eyes met yours from across the room and you couldn’t help but feel your heart break a little. “No Bucky, it’s ok.” His name sounded foreign as it left your lips, it was a name you had barely uttered for over half a year. Bucky couldn’t squash the small smile forming on his lips. “Look Y/N I don’t even know where to begin. I am really sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I…” The bottle you were holding slammed into the table, the anger getting the better of you “Don’t you dare try and apologise, you still said it Bucky. You fucking abandoned me. You … Arghhhh”

Your hand flew to your stomach as you cried out in pain. “Bucky, get Steve” Bucky stepped towards you unsure of what was going on. His eyes filled with concern as he took the final steps around the counter. “You’re…when?” Bucky’s eyes were now glued to the bump peeking out from your tank top. Another cramp hit you. “Bucky get Steve, I think the baby’s coming.” You said through gritted teeth Bucky was frozen. His mouth open and shut as words failed him. “FRIDAY, wake up Steve and tell him to meet me at the medbay.” A warmth began to spread down your legs. “Buck, I know you’re in shock but I need to get to the medbay. I’m a month early. BUCKY HELP.” The shouting seemed to snap him back. He held out his hand for you to take and helped you off the stool. “Doll, you ok to walk?” You glared up at him “Don’t fucking call me that.” He pulled an apologetic expression. “I can walk, just need you to help.” Bucky held your hand in his and wrapped his metal arm around your waist. It was a slow walk down to the medbay, having to stop as contractions hit you. Bucky let you squash his hand in yours as you rode out the pain. He couldn’t help but look at you in admiration, you had always been beautiful but pregnancy suited you. It’s no wonder you hated him. He had abandoned you and his child.

Steve glared at him as you arrived. He strode towards the pair of you. He immediately pointed at Bucky. “You. I…” You cut Steve off by putting your hand on his chest. “Steve, it wasn’t his fault. I went…” You gasped as another contraction hit you. Steve pulled you away from Bucky to the delivery room that Tony and Bruce had set up. You turned back to look at Bucky, his hands fisted in his hair, conflict written all over his face. “Bucky, I don’t want you in here” you gestured to the room and his face fell “but, you can wait out here until it’s over.” He nodded, tears in his eyes and took a chair as Steve closed the door behind you. He took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to steady his heart rate and breathing. How could he have ever left you? Your invitation for him to wait gave him a small ounce of hope though. He knew he didn’t deserve to be in your lives but all he knew is that nothing else mattered now. The only things that were important to him now were in the room his was banished from. You and your child.

taglist: @broco8, @mela-noche

#bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x you #bucky angst #bucky #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #marvel #marvel fanfics #avengers #steve rogers #sam wilson #natasha romanoff

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