#you have to balance cruelty and kindness in the Doctor

[khruschevshoe]

The Beast Below & Kill The Moon as Foils

The interesting thing to me about The Beast Below and Kill the Moon as episodes is that they operate on a very similar concept: there is a living (very BIG) thing that functions as the only thing that keeps large swathes of humanity safe/alive and they both end with a bit of a cop-out where that Thing stays right where it is but how the themes of those episodes are WILDLY different based on how the Doctor&Companiok interactions play out.

The Beast Below is an exploration of how the Doctor does what is necessary, what he thinks is right and kindest to the most number of people, but that sometimes he is wrong, incredibly wrong, and that it is very essential for him to listen to his companions, to give them a choice, and also that at the end of the day, the Doctor is the Star Whale, he is lonely and pained and kind, that this is the ethos of the show: the Doctor is kind but he really needs to be stopped and reminded of it sometimes (really great parallels with the end of the Runaway Bride/Fires of Pompeii, in a way).

But Kill the Moon is all about how the Doctor is right. How he will always be right. That he knows better than his companions, that he always holds all the cards, that he is cruel to teenage girls and tells them they're not special and knew all along what was going to happen but didn't tell his companion just to see what she would do, but her decision didn't matter at the end of the day, not to him, not to the problem at hand, because the Doctor knows everything and is right and God, disregarding the other major problems with this episode it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth in comparison to the Beast Below. That in this episode, the Doctor is not a god that needs to be reminded of his humanity but a god that is cruel and all-knowing and somehow right in that. I've talked about how the Beast Below embodies the ethos of Doctor Who to me; Kill the Moon, at least in how the Doctor acts, feels like the opposite.

#clara oswald #twelfth doctor #amy pond #eleventh doctor #the beast below #doctor who #meta #listen it's abt getting that Doctor & companion dynamic right #and it's so weird to me that in a season all about Clara becoming more like the Doctor we get this one where she functionally has no agency #kill the moon #clara oswin oswald #I think that is why i like season 9/10 twelfth eoctor so much more than eight #tho i do enjoy dark water/death in heaven to an EXTENT #bc twelve is too cruel and “godly” and not the Doctor #you have to balance cruelty and kindness in the Doctor #the runaway bride #fires of pompeii

[jerzwriter]

Can you write a ff where ethan is praying over mc when he thinks she is dying and he thinks she can't hear him. but she does.

Book: Open Heart 2 (Chapter 11)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Casey MacTavish)

Title: Whatever it Takes

Rating: Teen

Summary: Reader request for Ethan to pray over Casey when he thinks she is dying. He doesn’t think she can't hear him, but she does.

Category: Angst

Warnings: Near death, illness, hospital

A/N: When someone asks an agnostic writer for a FF about praying. Oy. I hope I did it justice.

A/N 2: I am participating in this week's Wackydrables. The prompt can be found in bold below.

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

The elevator would take too long, so he bypassed it and headed toward the stairs. One step at a time would not bring him to her quickly enough, so he took two, three, he would jump the whole damn flight if only he could.

“I think it’s a go! I think this will work!”

Tobias was exuberant as the others nervously cheered. This offered no promises, but for the first time since a sinister attack robbed them of two of their friends and left two more with their lives in the balance, there was a spark of hope.

“I can go?” He said anxiously, so fast it was almost one word.

“Sure, buddy, but why don’t….”

He was already gone. Nothing mattered but Casey. He had to see her, touch her, make sure she was still here. No amount of assurance provided by others would quell his fears. Only watching her breath rise and fall with his own eyes would bring him any peace.

Just two hours before he was forced to make the most painful choice of his life. The love of his life was fading away before his eyes and only a miracle could stave off her death. Just three floors below, a hastily assembled group of doctors were toiling away trying to provide just that. He should be a part of it, he told himself. His knowledge and skill could be an integral part of the puzzle that could save her.

His Casey. She was too young, too precious, too kind, had too much to offer this world, this could not be her fate. He had to do all in his power to save her. The terror in his eyes could only be matched by that in hers; painfully aware that she may only have hours left. How could he leave her alone? If these were her final moments, she needed him at her side. If she was leaving this world, he needed her in his arms, letting her know she was loved to the very end. His broken heart was torn in two, how could he best serve the woman who, in so many ways, brought him back to life.

He chose to stay. A competent team was assembled and, while loathe to admit it, Tobias was better suited for this challenge. He stepped into the protective suit that would allow him to be near her, but he cursed it as he did. If this was the end, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, stroke her hair with this damn barrier only added to the cruelty of it all. He wanted to forgo it. Didn’t they understand? His life seemed a small price to pay if it provided her with one small, final comfort.

She was haggard and desperately needed rest, but she fought sleep, afraid closing her eyes would mean never opening them again. It was only when he promised to remain at her side, to watch over her and ensure he would not let happen that she agreed to try. They both understood his words were an empty promise, he could not make that guarantee, but having him near provided security enough to try. He let out a shuddering breath when she dozed off under his arm.

Moments later Aurora appeared at the door. They were close to a breakthrough, but they needed him, fast. But he just promised her... What if she woke and took her last breath alone? Would she spend her last moments believing he abandoned her? But he had no choice, he needed her to live. She deserved to live, and he had to be strong enough to fight for that. With a promise from Aurora to not leave her side, he ran to the lab in hope of being part of the cure.

He began working without being told where to start, it was instinctive. In the future, those present would tell him about how deftly he performed, how integral he was to the process, how he and his former best friend worked in precision and without any time to spare. Their stories would provide his only recollection, for he had no memory of it. He will never know what guided him through those hours, because his heart ceased beating the moment he left her room, and it did not start again until they were reunited.

He knocked on the door, motioning for Aurora to leave. She eyed him suspiciously as she stepped out of her containment suit.

“Are you going to suit up, Dr. Ramsey?”

“Of course, Aurora. Please go back down with the others. I’m sure you’re needed.”

With a nod and a gentle smile, she left. As soon as she stepped away, Ethan entered the room. Suit be damned. A potential antidote was found and, if it could save her, it could save him too and, if it couldn’t, he no longer cared. Later, he would see the fallacy in his thought process, but at the moment, nothing mattered than being at her side. Truly at her side.

He stood at the foot of her bed and absorbed the sight of her. Pale skin, purple and brown blotches beginning to envelop her eyes, lips pale grey, she was so weak, so frail, yet so beautiful to him. He stifled a sob as the painful ache in his chest overwhelmed him. Time was running out. Everyone had done all that they could to save her, but he knew there was no guarantee. No, he needed to do more, but what?

Ethan Ramsey was a man of science. The world was not abstract, everything could be explained with logic. If you couldn’t see it, couldn’t examine it, couldn’t verify it, it wasn’t real. He did not believe in a greater power that mythically controlled the universe, not at all. But as he looked at his beloved, he realized, his love for her was not measurable, it could not be dissected or analyzed, but it sure as hell existed. It took his breath away and filled him in a way he never knew before. He wasn’t sure if there was a God, and honestly, he didn’t care; but if there were any chance that it could help her, he was taking it.

Pulling a chair beside her bed, he laid his head gently upon her chest. As he listened to her heart, tears formed in his eyes. With a broken voice, for the very first time, he began to pray.

“I’ve never believed in you, and if I am to be honest, I still don’t know if I do. But I never believed in love and, somehow, this angel was sent into my life and she showed me how wrong I was. So maybe I have things to learn, maybe everything doesn’t need an explanation. I don’t know what her fate is, but I beg… I pray… please spare her life. Take mine if you must because, without her, there is no reason for me to go on. I will do anything, pay any price, learn any lesson to save her. Please, if you’re truly there, please spare her and then show me how I can repay.”

Tears soaked his face as he sat up and began stroking her hair.

“Casey, I would do anything, I would die before I let anything happen to you.”

Ten minutes later June and Baz arrived in the dark room, the antidote in their hands. They were dismayed to find Ethan at her side wearing nothing but scrubs, but they knew better than to say a word. The dose was administered.

“We should know if it is successful within the next five hours,” June said with a comforting smile as she left.

Ethan crawled into bed with Casey and drifted to sleep with cradling her in his arms. If there was going to be a tomorrow, they would greet it together, or not at all.

He was awakened by the touch of Casey’s hand caressing his arm. He turned to find her eyes set on him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“I’m waiting with you.”

The quiet moment was shattered when the doors of the room burst open. Jubilant friends and colleagues poured in and ran to her side.

“It worked!” Jackie yelled.

Tobias smiled as he nodded at Ethan, “All the tests came back and we’re golden! I told you, you weren’t dying on our watch, MacTavish!”

After everyone received a hug, and a fair amount of tears were shed, June ordered everyone out. Casey was still weak, and rest was key to her recovery. When June’s eyes landed on Ethan, she lowered her head. Even she knew no suggestion would convince him to leave.

Casey held Ethan close, both sharing a little bit about the horrors they endured throughout the past day. Casey was fighting sleep to continue to be with him.

“You need to sleep, love. I will be sitting right here when you wake.”

“I will, but I need to ask you, was I hallucinating at any point?”

“It’s not impossible, but not that I know of. Why?”

“I could have sworn I heard you praying over me, that’s crazy right?”

Her eyes widened at the look of contrition on his face.

“Were you that scared, or do you love me that much?”

“Both,” he whispered, “Now please, close your eyes.”

With a kiss to her forehead, she quickly fell asleep. Ethan collapsed into the chair at her side, never once taking his eyes off her. She was going to make it. He smiled. He smiled for the future they would have the opportunity to share, and he smiled because he had done everything in his power to protect her. At her side, he made a vow to do the same each day until he took his last breath.

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[ariel-seagull-wings]

TOP 12 WICKED QUEEN PORTRAYALS

@sunlit-music​ @mademoiselle-princesse​ @princesssarisa​ @superkingofpriderock​ @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark​ @amalthea9​ @theancientvaleofsoulmaking​ @astrangechoiceoffavourites​ @giuliettaluce​ 

Alongside the Big Bad Wolf, Cinderella’s Stepmother, The Giant from Jack and The Beanstalk, The Witch from Hansel and Gretel and Bluebeard, The Wicked Queen from Snow White is one of the most iconic fairy tale villains of all time. A lot of people come to consider her the real protagonist of the fairy tale, since is her desire to be considered the Fairest of All and her actions to keep that title what puts the narrative in motion. And today, i will rank my favorite portrayals of this fascinatingly nasty foe.

12º Miranda Richardson as Queen Elspeth in Snow White: The Fairest of Them All (2001)

Talk about being typecast: before that turn as Snow White’s Evil Queen, Richardson had portrayed an Evil Sorceress Queen and Stepmother in Jim Henson’s The Storyteller (’The Three Ravens’ episode) and she was a wicked Sorceress Stepmother in Tim Burton’s Sleep Hollow. So it was neat for her to be called for the role of the most famous Evil Sorceress Queen and Stepmother in this Hallmark TV Movie. Elspeth is the sister of a strange, mysteryous creature known as the Granter of Wishes. Having been recently released from his freezing prison, the Granter of Wishes makes a spell to make her look beautifull for human standards, and marries her to the newly crowned and widowed King John. At first she looks content with the prospect, but as time passes, she grows more and more unsatisfied. Her source of joy is the Magic Mirror that praises her beauty, and casting spells to turn gnomes into garden statues. But when the Magic Mirror says that Snow White’s beauty surpasses hers, the unsatisfaction gets mixed with paranoia, and Elspeth slowly abuses her power in constantly harming other people, until there is no magic enough...

11º Herta Kravina in Schneewitchen (1971)

This german TV Movie is the most faithfull adaptation of the Grimm’s tale original edition, not only keeping the three murder attempts by ribbon/lace/corset, hair comb and apple, but also being the only one to show the Queen dancing to death with hot iron shoes in Snow White’s wedding. This is enough to make it worth a checkout. The other reason i find this version interesting is how the Queen comunicates with the Magic Mirror: they sing to each other. And Kravina has a really good voice (no wonder she was a voice actress for Peggy Lee in the first german/dutch dub of Disney’s Lady and The Tramp). Sometimes that is enough to get a spot in a ranking.

10º Mari Yokoo/Caterina Rochiara/Regina Reagan/Carol Jacobanis as Queen Crystal in The Legend of Snow White (1994)

From the outside, Queen Chrystal appears to be calm, regal, and sophisticated, but in reality, this collected and stately facade hides an extremely sadistic, hateful, cold and sinister person. She is ruthless, jealous and obsessive and wants nothing more than to be the fairest in the land. She also has an extreme vanity that made her utterly intolerant of rivals. Being solely focused on the idea of becoming the fairest of all, Queen Chrystal does not appear to be significantly involved in governing her husband's kingdom, though the skeletal remains of prisoners in her dungeon point to her being a villainous ruler. In the end, her mad vanity and jealousy of her stepdaughter Snow White drove her to murderous insanity. Later is revealed that Queen Chrystal is not unredeamably evil as everyone thins, but an actually kind and gentle person who is possessed by an Evil Spirit. 

09º Diana Rigg as the Queen in Canon Movie Tales: Snow White (1987)

This lady is the personification of paranoia multiplied by the double. Why? Because the Magic Mirror didn’t needed to say that the little child Snow White was the fairest, this queen just feared so much that the princess’s beauty would outgrow hers that she ordered the huntsman to kill her. Basically: run, she is bad news.

08º Jeri Arredondo as Sly Fox in Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales For Every Child (1995)

Sly Fox... What a cunning diva. People try to counsel to not use alone a Magic Mirror that is a portal to the spirit world, but who says she listens? She is just there to hear the singing of her praises, and will try to eliminate anyone who gets on her way. She even goes so far as taking the appearance of the kind hearted nurse Sage Flower to lure her stepdaughter White Snow to eat the poisoned appled. What is not to love about that bastard?

07º Kazue Komiya/Arlene Banas as the Queen in Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics (1989)

Interestingly this encarnation starts naturally cold, calm and collected, ocasionally at the princess Snow White to see if she can ever grow more beautifull than her, and dismissing the girl with contempt. It is years later that she lets go of acting calm and collected, because after hearing some gossips in the palace, she asks Snow White if she thinks of herself as more beautifull than the Queen, and her stepdaughter reacts by exclaiming that the Queen is vain and cruel, and to her eyes that makes her ugly. So besides the desire of being considered the most beautifull, you get the feeling that this Queen pursues Snow White as a way to shut a person that dares to rebell against her, wich ads new interesting dimentions to their antagonism.

06º Dorothy Cumming as Queen Brangomar in Snow White (1916)

Brangomar was once a lady in waiting of the palace. But one day, she met the powerfull Witch Rex, who offered to give Brangomar anything she wanted. And what Brangomar wanted was to become a beautifull Queen. Wich was achieved by a faustian deal where Witch Rex would cast a spell that killed Imogene, the previous Queen, while in return Brangomar would have to find a way of getting Snow White’s heart for the Witch. Years have passed, and now Brangomar  must kill the princess to pay her debt, or else everything she got will be lost. Hey, here is a way of making a villain tragic, almost simpathetic and complex while keeping clear that she is still a villain!

05º Vanessa Redgrave as the Queen in Faerie Tale Theatre (1984)

The most loud and bombastic portrayal of the Wicked Queen ever put on screen. Bringing to television her sperience from stage, that allows some more over the top emotional reactions, Redgrave had the time of her life in that role, indulging in twirling, preening and screening as much as she could, and his Queen is all the most fun for it.

04º Gudrun Landgrebe as the Queen in Schneewittchen (1992)

What i live about Landgrebe’s Queen is her range: at first she acts all humble, discreet, cold and mysteryous. Then her husband leaves to fight in a Crusade, and she trows the white veil and gray clothing of humility to show a diva red hair and orange dress, as to say “Hey, the King leaved, i have all the power here now and you must do as i say”. Later, a knight comes, offering a magical crystal ball that connected to a mirror says all the truth, and the Queen takes posession of it to ask about her beauty. When Mirror says that the most beautifull woman in the kingdom is Snow White, she gets infuriated, than goes to carefully plan ways to eliminate the princess once and for all. The highlight is when she takes the disguise of a russian male doctor to offer the apple (where she injects poison into with her ring) to Snow White.

03º Maria Antonieta de Las Nieves in El Chapulin Colorado: Blancanieves y los Siete Churín Churín Fun Flais (1978)

This three part episode of the mexican comedy superheroe show is a loving parody of the Disney version, that stands out as an enjoyable retelling of the classic fairy tale in its own right. Interestingly, while most of the comedy in the episode is delivered in the form of over the top slapistick, de Las Nieves’s delivers a straight faced, contained performance. Wich makes her answers to the absurd situations in the story all the more funny.

02º Patricia Medina as the Queen in Snow White And The Three Stooges (1961)

This lady was a hell of a foe: she not only antagonizes Snow White for the title of the Most Beautifull, going so far as to lock the princess in a dungeon for no crime at all, but also, alongside her partner in crime Count Oga, ordered a murder attempt aggainst Prince Charming when he was a child, to prevent him from marrying Snow White, and this way she could become ruller of the kingdoms of Fortunia and Bravuria. Troughout the film, you think that she could win, since she has powerfull magic, spy and a mighty army at her comand, wich makes the viewer get all the more excited on the seat, that is how enjoyable Medina’s Queen is.

And my Number One Portrayal of the Wicked Queen is...

01º Lucille La Verne as the Queen in Disney’s Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs (1937)

The first encarnation of the character that i ever saw in my childhood, and the one that still sends chills/shivers to my spine. As a young Queen, she rarely smiles, acting cold and calculating, intidimidating who is subordinate to her with the expression of her eyes and highbrows. And as a Crone, she lowdly indulges in her cruelty, offering the poisoned apple to her pet raven to scare him, and mocking the dead skeleton of a prisoner inside the castle’s dungeons. That balance between cold calculism and loud cruelty, where both are equally unsetling and scary, is something very hard to achieve, but i think this encarnation did a very good job in achieving that balance, that every other  portrayal that camed tried to draw influence from it ever since. And that’s why Disney’s Wicked Queen is my Number One portrayal.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Addi Adamets in Schneewittchen (1955), Marianne Christina Schiling in Schneewittchen (1961) and Sonja Kirchberger in Sechs Auf Einen Streich (2009)

#snow white #snow white and the seven dwarfs #fairy tales #disney #brothers grimm #rankings #moodboards #grimm's fairy tale classics #anime #the legend of snow white #fantasy #mithology #folklore #pop culture

[originalhybridloverfics]

You Are To This Day The Only Woman I Have Ever Loved - CH 2

A/N: I'm a little nervous about this chapter, still, I hope it's enjoyable.

I apologize for any mistakes or medical inaccuracies.

Serkan could not explain the sense of urgency, of panic creeping over him. His heart felt like it was going to beat right out his chest, his throat kept closing and he had this explicable fear flowing through his system and he could think of nothing but Eda.

She had to be okay. He had gotten to know her and God, she was amazing. She was fun, beautiful, talented, smart, funny, caring, forgiving, the list went on. She was so many things and he found he cared for her deeply. He couldn’t imagine something happening to her. Hadn’t she suffered enough?

He parked his car and jogged across the hospital parking lot and ran through the doors, and up to the counter, he was about to demand where Eda was when he heard Melek’s voice.

He whirled around, Melo had tears streaming down her eyes, her body shaking as she stood in front of Eda’s aunt who was in tears her arms wrapped around herself.

He noticed the blood on Melo's hand. His stomach turned violently with the knowledge it was Eda's blood.

“I don’t know how long she was there!” Melo cried. “If I have gotten there sooner, if I had just met her there-”

“You couldn’t have changed what happened,” Ceren was with them and her words were spoken softly. “Sometimes bad things just happen.”

Serkan moved away from the counter and walked closer to Eda’s family his heart in his throat.

“But why do they keep happening to Dada?!” Melo cried distressed. “This shouldn’t be happening. Dada doesn’t deserve this! And even if she makes it she could still lose the baby!”

“Baby?” Serkan’s voice shook, his heart thudding in his chest. “What baby!?”

Melo whirled around, her eyes widening at the sight of him. “Eniste?”

Despite Eda and Serkan not being together, she continued to call him that. Serkan would never admit it out loud but he liked it. She was just so happy and sweet and he liked her as a person.

“What baby? Where’s Eda?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“She’s with the doctors,” Ayfer answered. “They're doing everything they can for her and the baby.”

“She’s pregnant with my child?” Serkan asked but didn’t need the confirmation. Everything inside of him was screaming that he and Eda created that child together before he lost his memory.

“Oh, God,” Serkan groaned, he clutched at his heart as it pounded almost painfully against his ribs, he stumbled back, his feet feeling unsteady beneath him.

Melo acted quickly grabbing his arm to steady him and led him over to a chair, easing him into it.

"Abi," Engin appeared suddenly with Piril. Serkan hadn't even seen them.

Serkan stared off unseeingly not noticing Leyla and Erdem in the corner, somber. He couldn't see anyone.

“Serkan?” Ceren asked as she moved closer with Ayfer.

Serkan didn’t react, didn’t move, didn’t flinch.

Melo placed her hand on his shoulder gently, squeezing and his eyes snapped up to hers. They were wide with shock and fear. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“No,” Serkan’s voice shook. “No, I am not okay? How could she had not have said anything?”

“I don’t think she knew?” Melo confessed. “She’s been so stressed and so focused on taking care of the company and trying to get you to remember, dealing with Selin, she forgot to care for herself.”

Serkan ran a shaky hand through his hair. “None of this is right. This shouldn’t be happening. None of it.”

Serkan knew he cared for Eda but this feeling in his chest was saying it was more than that and now all he could see was her. S child in her arms with her dimples and her smile and her eyes. God, he wanted their child to be just like her.

Everything was slipping away from him right when he wanted to know everything about his lost year. Pieces of his old life were in his reach and he wanted nothing more than to put it all back together again.

Everything was so wrong. He could feel it in every bone in his body. He wishes it was him who was in danger right now, whose life was hanging in the balance. He rather Eda be unharmed and perfectly fine, healthy, nurturing their child.

Why couldn’t it have been him? Hadn’t she been through enough? Hadn’t he caused her enough pain?

How much more could one person endure?

It was two hours later when a doctor emerged from behind two double doors, walking toward Melo. “Mrs. Yildiz family.”

“Yes,” Ayfer said. “We are her family. Is she going to be okay?”

“I am Dr. Kaya. We are doing everything we can. We were able to stop the bleeding, we had to take her for emergency surgery for her open fracture. It was important to clean and stabilize the bone. The kind of fraction Mrs. Yildiz has can get infected easily but because of her pregnancy, we had to give her a not as effective antibiotic that won’t cause harm to the baby.”

“Baby?” Aydan gasped, grabbing a hold of her son’s arm. She and Seyfi along with Selin had shown up twenty minutes after he did.

Serkan felt Selin tensed beside him. “She’s pregnant?”

Serkan ignored everyone and focused on Dr. Kaya. “Does that mean she didn’t lose the baby?”

“I don’t know how it’s possible but no, she didn’t lose the baby. The bleeding that occurred was because the baby was in distress but both Eda and the baby are stable for now. I’m concerned about her head injury, she has some swelling on the brain, if it does not go down I’m afraid she will need to be taken into surgery again.”

“Can I see her?” Serkan asked.

“Serkan, I think it’s best we let Eda be with her family,” Selin interjected, placing a hand on his arm.

Serkan jerked his arm from beneath her fingers, shooting her a glare. “I need to see her.”

“Is she awake?” Ayfer interjected.

“No, and we’re not sure when she will wake. It’s all up to her.” Dr. Kaya relayed.

“Can I see her or not?” Serkan asked impatiently, choosing not to acknowledge his words. Eda would wake up. She had to. There was no other outcome that Serkan would accept.

Dr. Kaya looked at Ayfer. “Mrs. Yildiz?”

“It’s okay. He can see her first.” Ayfer nodded.

Dr. Kaya motioned Serkan to follow him.

Selin’s hand snapped out the second he moved away from her, her fingers digging into his wrist. “Serkan, you should let Ms.Yildiz see her first. She’s her family. We should go home.”

Serkan ripped his arm away. “If you want to go then go but you will be leaving without me.”

Selin watched as he walked away from her and toward Eda with no regard for how she felt. He didn’t even stop once to look back at her.

Hate simmered in her heart. She should feel remorse for hurting Eda and her unborn child but all she felt was failure. Failure to keep Serkan at her side and failure at getting Eda out of her life and away from Serkan.

Selin turned on her heel. She needed to find a way to end Eda once and for all, sever every connection the other woman had to Serkan once and for all.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Serkan wasn’t sure what he expected when he walked into the hospital but it wasn’t this.

It wasn’t Eda, laying in bed hooked up to monitors, her head wrapped in a bandage, her arm in a cast, her skin pale, the room around her void of her light, of the beautiful colorful essence that she excluded from her being effortlessly, offering hope to a troubled world.

He stepped forward slowly. His heart thudding in his chest. “Eda, I’m sorry but please, wake up.” his eyes drifted to her stomach and his hand moved before he registered it, landing softly on her stomach. It was mostly flat with a small curve, barely noticeable unless you knew what you were looking for. “We have so much to talk about. I don’t know if you knew or not but I think I can understand if you did and why you wouldn’t say anything.”

His other hand moved to her cheek. “I haven’t been the man you fell in love with. Or the one you lost but still you tried to bring him back, bring me back, and I pushed you away with cruelty and harsh words. I’m sorry.”

He paused, gathering his thought, his chest tight with a feeling he was beginning to understand. “I should have tried harder to remember. Hell, I should have tried period with you, I hated that everything was different from what I remembered so I ran from it and from you and the way you make me feel. It was a mistake. I know that so let me fix it. Just wake up when you’re ready and we will work this out. All of it. The company, the shares, the baby, you and me, all of it.”

Eda didn’t move, didn’t react, the readings on the monitors didn’t change and Serkan felt his world grow a little darker, he stepped back reluctantly and walked out of the room even though it was the last thing he wanted. Every step away from her felt wrong but her aunt was waiting. Her friends were waiting and in truth, he didn’t feel like he deserved to be at her side.

He needed to earn that right and since he been back he had done nothing to do that.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The hour grew late, Serkan had refused to leave the hospital throwing around his wealth and reputation to ensure he or Eda’s family didn’t have to leave when visiting hours were over.

His mother had gone home with Seyfi after making him promise to call when Eda wakes up. Layla and Erdem left, Layla assuring him she would take care of his schedule. Engin took Piril home to rest. Ceren and Melo fell asleep in the chairs in the waiting room. Ayfer was inside with Eda.

Serkan paced outside the door, feeling restless. Selin went to get coffee. She kept insisting they should go but he refused. Selin went as far as to bring up that he had to be at the office but he reminded her that Layla was taking care of it.

Like hell he was going to work when Eda was hurt, fighting for her life. No, this is where he needed to be. Everything inside of him was telling him he shouldn’t be anywhere else but at her side.

He selfishly wanted to be the first person she saw when she woke up and despite all that had happened, that he said, he wanted to be the one she asked for.

At one point, he finally just slid down to the floor, facing Eda’s door, praying that she would be fine.

Serkan wasn’t sure at what point he fell asleep but he was awoken by commotion.

His eyes snapped up to the sight of Ayfer being ushered out of Eda’s room and doctors and nurses rushing inside. Serkan jumped to his feet pushing his way inside and coming to a dead stop.

Eda was flatlining, he stumbled forward but was pulled back.

“Get off me!” he snapped. Trying to shrug the strong arm off of him. “Eda!”

The arms tightened and pulled him forcefully from the room and all he could hear was the long beep, never-ending, all he could see was the doctors working over Eda, her dark hair fanning out across the pillow.

It happened suddenly and without warning.

One moment he was standing in the doorway of Eda’s hospital room and the next it was like he was being transported to a time he didn’t remember, to a memory his brian had locked away from him.

He was talking at a college seminar and a beautiful dark-haired woman walked down the steps and into the light. He was intrigued instantly.

He was pulled into another memory, Eda marking his car, arguing with her, Eda handcuffing him.

His head felt like it was going to explode, there was this pressure behind his eyes and he closed them tightly, putting a hand to his head as memory after memory hit him.

Eda surprising him with her skills behind the wheel, the first time she called him a robot. Helping her through her panic attack on his plane, waking her up on the beach, and the way she smiled at him so sweetly. His idea for her to pretend to be his fake fiance. The first time she slapped him. The first time she kissed him.

God, he never told her but that kiss was unlike any kiss he ever had before. He was so angry at her for it because it shocked him. His world had turned on its axis.

Eda agreeing to his contract and wrongfully assuming it was because he wanted Selin back.

It was never about Selin.

The first time he picked her up, the first time he took her to his place and her clear love for animals, the first time she met Sirius.

He remembered the first time he slipped her flower engagement finger on her hand for the first time and how right it felt. How perfect it fit.

Their fake engagement, seeing her in that yellow dress for the first time. She had looked so perfect and he felt so drawn to her, the softness of her skin when he fixed the strap of her dress. Her pure delight at his magic trick. Their first dance. There was no need to dance as close as they did but he wanted to. He wanted to be as close to her as possible.

The first time they stargazed together and he pointed out Sirius's star. He remembered the way being around her made him feel that night. He felt peace and a sense of calmness he wasn’t used to.

He remembered being angry with her for getting close to him, he didn’t want to feel this way but he hated when she pulled away from him. He remembered coming to her house with Sirius for the first time.

He remembers them talking about Selin being jealous of her and God, everyone had to be jealous of Eda. She was an angel by some miracle that had fallen into his life.

He remembers riding with her in his car, the top-down, music playing from the radio, her dancing to the music singing along, her hair blowing in the wind, her smile wide and carefree. The happiness he felt in that moment just being with her.

The first time she suddenly lost consciousness and the fear he felt. It was such a strange trait about her and constantly worried him.

The first time he saw her in her swimwear, the irrational jealousy he felt, hearing that he wasn’t her type from Seyfi and then trying hard to subtly show her that he was.

The first time he prepared dinner with her.

It was something so simple and domestic but he thoroughly enjoyed himself. There was just something so easy being in Eda’s presence.

God, he remembered that white dress she wore to the dinner they had with Selin and Ferit, when he saw her in it for the first time, god, it was like all thoughts left him and there was just her. The most beautiful vision he ever saw in his life.

The fear that took over when he saw her slip into the pool when he was still under the impression he couldn’t swim, nothing else mattered only to learn that she was pretending not to be able to swim.

God, she really knew how to drive him crazy.

Their time in Antalya was some of his best memories and held a special place in his heart. He felt that trip had really brought them closer in a way he hadn’t been aware he was capable of.

He remembered opening up to her about his brother.

It was the first time he really felt like he could open up to someone about his brother’s death and how that grief was still with him even to this day.

Waking up to her snuggled against on the couch, the peace and happiness he felt, the way his heart reacted around her, trying to beat right out of his damn chest at her proximity.

The first time he played his guitar for her, the hug they shared outside, he felt like his chest was expanding with the warmth he felt. Her pure joy and elation when he gave her his guitar pick at the end of the night.

He knew he had feelings for her but after that night he knew it was more than that, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

He remembered how bad it felt when she was pulling away from him on his birthday. He remembered sitting down with Selin and hating every moment, he remembered sitting down with Eda at one of her small cafes and the surprise on her face. He remembered her gift. She gave him the world.

Little did she know she was his world.

He remembered accusing her of stealing.

It was stupid but he was trying to rationalize why she was avoiding him. He had never been more wrong.

The way he missed her in their time apart even when he was wrongfully angry with her for a betrayal she did not commit.

When they sat in the park together, discussing Selin and her jealousy of Eda.

He didn’t say it but there was not a single thing about Eda, Selin shouldn't be jealous of. Eda was unlike any woman he had ever known. And when she said he didn’t want her touching his soul, it was true but it was too late. She already did.

The regret he felt even before she brought proof that Kaan was behind it. The pain he felt watching her slip off her ring and place it in his hand.

The need he felt to fix things with her, needing her back.

All of this became so real to him. For him, it was no longer about their contract and more about wanting her in his life.

Finding her in the garden talking to flowers brought happiness to him that he wanted to hold onto.

He remembered handcuffing her and taking her up to one of his family's vacation homes, letting her vent her anger by throwing things, her astonishment that he was able to get them out of the cuffs the whole time.

He remembered arguing with her in the rain and the sight she made, clothes drenched, damp hair clinging to her, raindrops running down her skin, the fire in her eyes, when he pulled her to him. He wanted to take hold of her mouth with his own.

He wanted to taste her, wanted to feel her wet skin against his, wanted to bury his hand in the wet strands of her hair. He just wanted her. Everything she had to give, he wanted.

Waking up to her next to him in bed was more than he could say. She was always so cute when she first woke up.

Watching the video of her helping his mother broke through what walls he still had up. She was an angel in his life that he didn’t deserve.

It was surprising that all she wanted was a simple apology.

Nothing felt more right than slipping her ring back on her finger. He wanted it there always.

Then Selin had to come in and give him the panic of his life by speeding up the time for her wedding and cutting his time with Eda short.

He wanted her with him all the time.

Seeing Eda try on wedding dresses that were so her, she was so beautiful, so original. She was going to be the perfect bride one day.

He remembered first hearing about her parent's death, the cause for her claustrophobia, and wrapping his arms around her, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to help her with her phobia the way she was helping his mom.

Sometimes he didn’t understand her, she was so talented and beautiful and smart so why couldn’t she see that it was never about Selin. He never cared that Selin was getting married, it had always been about her shares. Why was she unable to see he only had eyes for her?

He remembered Selin asking him to choose and it was an impossible notion to him because it was never a choice. It was always going to be Eda. His heart knew no other answer.

He couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye to her and he needed her to stay but he didn’t know how to put it into words.

He remembered panicking about her leaving his life to the point it made him sick, that night she took care of him was one of the best nights of his life.

He was kidding himself thinking he could let her go. He had never felt freer than when he finally told her he was in love with her. A weight lifted off his chest when he kissed her and the looked in her eyes after had his heart soaring.

He remembered the first time they went to their cafe and the peace and the happiness he felt there with her.

He remembered, sneaking around because they hadn’t told anyone they were together and were avoiding his mother and her aunt and their disapproval.

He remembered talking to Selin about his feelings for Eda, Selin telling him she always dreamed he would be the way he was with Eda with her, he remembers her accepting that while she loved him he did not feel the same.

Or at least at the time, he believed she had accepted he was in love with Eda and moved on with her life.

He remembered cooking dinner with Eda, watching the stars, cuddling on the couch, he remembered giving her his gift. Her star and how much she loved it. The joy and happiness that filled his heart made him feel like anything was possible.

He remembered the way Eda looked on Selin’s wedding day. She completely outshines the bride, he hated that he couldn’t touch her, hug her, kiss her. It was a crime.

He remembered the jealousy he felt when Efe showed up.

He wanted to keep Eda all to himself but he also wanted to tell everyone about them. He didn’t want to have to hide how he felt about her when his feelings for her were the truest thing he has ever felt in his life.

He remembered how free it felt when everyone did know.

He remembered buying a house in Italy and making plans to opening up a branch there.

He wanted to follow her to Italy. He wanted her to follow her dreams and he wanted to support her, he wanted to share in her success and joy. He wanted her to have everything she wanted in life and he wanted that life to be with him.

He wanted to just leave with her. It didn’t matter where they went as long as they were together. He wanted to run away with her and leave everything but their love behind.

He remembered their first time together and how perfect it felt.

They were connected in every way imaginable and he couldn’t even think about ever being apart from her.

He remembered telling her about the house, he bought and his intention to go with her to Italy. She was so happy and it made him happy.

This was what love was feeling joy at someone else's happiness and giving without wanting anything in return.

He remembered his father blowing up his world when he revealed he had a part to play in Eda’s parent's death. The truth tore Serkan apart, shattering him into pieces.

He saw his life with Eda, all his plans for their future slipping through his fingers and there was nothing. Absolutely, nothing he could do to change it.

He couldn’t change the past. He couldn’t fix his father’s mistakes.

His father ruined every hope and dream he had for his future with Eda.

He remembered coming to the decision to end their relationship to protect her. It was the hardest thing he had to do and he hated the pain he caused her but at the time he was under the belief that he was doing right by her.

If she were to find out the truth he would only be a constant reminder of all that she lost. She would never heal or move on and be happy and that couldn’t happen. Her happiness was more important than his own.

It was hell being apart from her and watching her grow close with Efe.

He remembered the fear he felt when he found her unconscious in the ditch during the company retreat. When she woke up without remembering their break-up it was a short reprieve from the hell his father had forced on him until she remembered.

Going back to his vacation home was a new kind of hell, constantly hit with the reminder of their first time there together. The first time they made love, cuddling together in bed afterward, having breakfast together, the way she looks in his shirt. It was one of the happiest days of his life.

He remembered when Eda asked him to tell her his happiest day. There wasn’t enough time for that. Every day spent with her was his happiest day. When she asked him to tell her about his saddest day, he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t break her the way the truth broke him.

He remembered dancing with her on Piril’s birthday. The desire in her eyes as they danced close, the need he felt to be even closer.

He remembered when he thought she was pregnant. There was a fear and a sense of responsibility, and panic. Seeing Eda, holding little Serkan though was a sweet sight. She was such a natural. She was going to be an amazing mother but he wasn’t ready for it then.

They weren’t even together, currently and she was pregnant. How could he ask her to build a family with him when he destroyed hers? How would he tell his children that their grandfather from his side of the family is why their mother grew up without her parents, why they would never meet their other grandparents.

He remembered how much she believed him after the roof collapsed. She believed in him more than he believed in himself.

He remembered not understanding what her problem was with Selin, why she was so threatened by her. Selin meant nothing. He never loved her as to where she was concerned she meant everything to him.

He never loved anyone the way he loved her and he was sure he would never again.

He remembered her being the cause for his mother finally being able to go outside again. She gave him a miracle and she did it just to be her. To help. She was too good for him and his family didn’t deserve her.

He remembered the fear that she would start to move on from him. That she would fall in love with someone else.

He remembered finally coming to the decision to tell her the truth and let her make the decision about him.

He remembered getting drunk and only wanting Eda, watching her sleep the next morning and he remembered Selin ruining everything by telling Eda the truth about her parent's death.

Her pain and tears tore into his soul. He hated that she questioned if he ever really loved her. He will always love her with every nerve, every cell, and molecule, in his body.

He remembered the mistake he made in not telling her the truth. He broke her trust.

He remembered tearing into Selin for interfering in matters that did not concern her, for constantly involving herself in his personal life. He remembered telling her that he never loved her and was in love with Eda.

He remembered not even reading Eda's contract before signing, he could have been signing everything over to her and he wouldn’t have cared as long as she remained in his life, as long as she forgave him.

He remembered when she removed her ring and had him do the same. It had gone against everything inside of him. That ring had become a part of who he was.

The rules of her contract were ridiculous to him but he would follow them as much as he could to keep her with him.

He remembered seeing her model that dress for his mother's foundation and God, she almost stopped his heart she was so fucking gorgeous and perfect.

He remembered asking her to meet him and waiting for her, the ache in his chest when she never showed but he was unwilling to give up on her.

He remembered his jealousy about her spending time with the photographer and warning the man away from her. Eda was a taken woman and he had no intentions of giving her up.

He remembered finding out the switch of address in the invitation he had given her and that Eda had waited for him as he waited for her. He had his suspicions of who tampered with the invitation.

He remembered trying to help her with her phobia as they rode an elevator together, holding her close, breathing her in, feeling her heart against his, kissing her. Everything had fallen away and it was just the two of them.

He remembered finding out about Eda knowing about Ferfit, Selin, and Kaan’s involvement in their contract being released to the public. He couldn’t even bring himself to be mad at her for keeping it from him.

He remembered testing if she was jealous of him.

He remembered when they did pottery together, his arms around her, breathing in her neck, wanting to just stay like that forever if it meant she would always allow him this close.

He remembered about their competition about Bulga being into him.

Serkan wasn’t an idiot he knew the woman was attracted to him but he didn’t care. She had no chance. He only wanted one woman and that woman was Eda Yildiz. There was absolutely no reason for his fairy girl to be jealous.

He remembered intentionally seducing her when he spoke to her of feeling her tremble when she said his name, the desire in her eyes, the way she lost her breath, and how she said his name. Almost sounding like a plea. It was everything.

He remembered her aunt's birthday, ice skating, the way her body heated when he spoke french to her, laughing and practically dancing on the ice, snow falling around them.

He remembered trying to soothe her anger when her grandmother came to the company. He called her Eda Bolat.

It had such an amazing ring to it. Perfect. He wanted her to be a Bolat. He wanted her to be his wife.

He remembered the awful feeling of Eda keeping him at a distance and letting him go like he was so easily replaceable in her life. She meant everything to him. Didn’t she feel the same about him but if she did why was it so easy for her to let him go?

He remembered Eda staying over, walking in on her in the bath and needing to imprint the moment on his memory, Eda talking to that stupid statue Bulga gave him. He tried not to focus on her because he was uncertain if he would be able to keep his hands off her. He brought her breakfast in bed because she deserved that. She deserved to be treated like the Queen that she is.

He remembered having a special bracelet made for her after hearing the story of the bracelet she lost when she was a little girl, the smile on her face when she opened the present was more than he could’ve hoped for only made better when she embraced him.

After he was arrested and released her avoidance of him was so painful, made worse when she told him they could not be together and he wondered was this how she felt when he ended things between them? It was like his soul was poisoned and slowly dying.

He couldn’t take seeing her with Prince Seyman, right after. But he wasn’t the only one who was jealous so was she and it all came to a boiling point when they confessed to it.

There was nothing about that night he didn’t remember, each stating their claim on the other, practically ripping each other clothes off and finding themselves nearly fucking against the bookshelf before finding a bed and making love to each other's bodies, caressing and worshipping. Kisses that had toes curling and desire becoming their only concern, finding relief in each other.

He woke up alone and half thought he had dreamed their night of passionate sex but then there was the knocked-over lamp, tangled sheets, and her scent in the air. That scent that never failed to do things to him.

He remembered the astonishment when she surprised him on his plane and the joy when she proposed to him. He said yes, of course, it was the only answer he could give, it was all he ever wanted. He remembered discussing Paris right after and all the things he wanted to do with her but he seriously doubts that if they ever made it to Paris they would leave their hotel room.

He remembered playing the piano for her and proposing to her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he wanted to give everything and more and he wanted to be able to tell his children how much their father loves their mother.

He remembered their real engagement party and how chaotic it was but he was happy to have their marriage accepted by their family. The fear and anger he felt when that prince bastard thought he could kidnap her, the feel of her in his arms after was the only thing that could calm him.

He remembered the awful misunderstanding about postponing the wedding, believing Eda was having second thoughts about building a life with him.

He remembered their time in Spanca, it was the best trip he had since their first trip together. Eda joining him in the tub was the best way to end his night, followed by amazing shower sex and making love to her in silk sheets, whispering sweet words and I love you’s.

He remembered walking into her dressing room the day of their wedding. She was standing in front of the mirror in a silk robe. He came there to tell her he had to go and sign some papers but he would be back. He made a promise that he would always fall in love with her.

He never should have left that day. He should have insisted on signing the documents electronically. He should have married her that day and taken her to Paris for their honeymoon.

He should have taken her away just the two of them for months on end. They should have made memories together and traveled the world, and practice building their family. God, there were so many things they should have done if only he had chosen differently.

If only he hadn’t put work first before what was supposed to be the start of their new life together.

He remembered when the plane went down, he was on his way back home to her. He was eager to marry her. He wanted to be able to wake up next to her and call her his wife. He remembered the fear and the panic as the plane lost control and was heading for the ocean.

The panic that the life he dreamt of was going to be ripped away from him.

The fear wasn’t for himself. It was for Eda. Never being able to see her again, feel her touch, the warmth of her skin, her sweet smell, the sound of her voice.

The pain she would feel if he were to die. He never wanted the memory of him to haunt her. He wanted her happy living her best life. He wanted her to take the world by storm and do what she did for him. Bless the world with all the color she could and ultimately her goodness and beauty and intelligence. He wanted nothing holding her back not even the loss of him.

And now remembering everything, their love, her and then remembering how terrible he was to her when he first came back. He was cruel and mean and harsh and he wanted to kick his own ass.

He caused Eda pain, he was the cause of her tears, he pushed her away and made her feel less than she was. He belittled their story and the importance she was to him.

What the hell was wrong with him? He lost his memory but he was not this person to her not even when they first met.

And now she was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life and the life of their child, believing he didn’t love her.

She was wrong. He loved her. He kept his promise he loved her without his memories and now with them, he still loved her. He loved her in a way he didn’t know was possible.

If she didn’t make it, if their child didn’t make it, he wouldn’t be able to go on. He could never forgive himself. This was all his fault.

Serkan stumbled back crashing against the wall, his legs giving out on him, tears streamed down his face.

His heart hurt and he couldn’t breathe.

“Serkan!” He felt hands on his face but he couldn’t see anything beyond the image of Eda fighting for her life.

“Eda,” he whispered hoarsely. “Eda, I need Eda.”

“Serkan, I can’t make out what you are saying. Calm down. Everything is going to be okay.”

“No, I won’t.” Serkan dug his palm into his eyes and roughly wiped his tears away. “Nothing is going to be okay again if she’s not.”

Serkan looked up at Selin and his expression darkened. “Don’t touch me.”

Suddenly the commotion in Eda’s room died down and Dr. Kaya stepped out.

Serkan pushed to his feet moving away from Selin. Melo and Ayfer were already there. “Eda?” Serkan's voice was desperate. “Is she okay? Is the baby?”

“It’s too early to tell. We’re not sure exactly what happened. It’s possible she had a bad reaction to the medicine she was given. We need to run more test to be certain? We don’t know what damage was done to her or the baby.”

“Do it. Do whatever you have to,” Serkan said and the doctor nodded.

Selin seethed inside. She needed this to be done. Eda was ruining everything and now she was fucking pregnant with Serkan’s child. That should be her. Eda had continuously taken everything from her from the day Serkan introduced her as the love of his life.

She stoled Serkan from her. He was her’s. He had been for years. She broke up with him because he wouldn’t share his life with her. She agreed to marry Ferit to show Serkan what he lost but no, he had to go and find Eda and the best version of himself.

He was everything she wanted when he was with Eda, kind, caring, thoughtful, affectionate, loving but with her, he was a passionless man who only looked at her through calculating eyes. Not eyes of love and admiration.

She took Aydan from her, a woman who once believed she was the perfect woman to marry her son and become her daughter-in-law.

Even Piril had become good friends with Eda and publically supported her relationship with Serkan.

And now Eda was carrying Serkan’s child.

She should be the mother of his child. She deserved to have everything she ever wanted. The effort she put into her job, her relationship with Serkan, the need to be perfect. Yes, she deserved to be the one to have Serkan’s affections and his child. She deserved the picture-perfect life they could have together if given the chance.

If only Eda would stop fighting and die already. Just how many times did she have to try and kill her before it took? Perhaps the third time would be the charm.

She would not lose Serkan to her again. She refused to watch them being together.

She would not watch Serkan have a family, building the life she always wanted with Eda when she has been here all along.

“If you would like a moment with her before we take her to run test, you only have a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” Serkan pushed into the room, letting it shut behind him.

He hated the sight of Eda pale and looking weak. She appeared to be just sleeping but he knew better, her arm was in a cast from surgery. There was a bandage on her head, the monitors she was hooked up to were steadily beeping.

He moved forward, carefully sitting beside her on the edge of her bed. He clasped her hand in both of his. Her skin was slightly cold from the chill in the hospital and he rubbed it to try and bring her warmth.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I hate seeing you like this, you should be laughing and smiling and gracing everyone lucky to be near you with your goodness not laying in the hospital for reasons out of your control. I know things haven’t been easy for you and you have been unhappy but I promise that’s over now. You fought for me and now it’s time for you to fight for yourself and for our baby. Can you do that for me, Eda? If you can I promise you everything is going to be okay.”

Her fingers curled around his, tightening, his eyes snapped to her face. “Eda,”

“Serkan,” her eyes fluttered open and she smiled softly at him. “You’re here.”

Her eyes were slightly glassy and he was sure she was a little loopy from the medication. She was cute when she first woke up, always a little disoriented.

He lifted his hand and cupped her cheek and Eda leaned into his touch, her smile soft and tender. She shut her eyes, savoring the soft touch of his hand against her skin.

“I’m here, baby, and I’m not going anywhere.” Serkan lifted her hand and held it to his own cheek.

“Promise?” She asked, having trouble keeping her eyes open.

“I promise.” He said softly.

“Promise you won’t break any more promises,” Eda whispered.

Her words were soft but they felt sharp like a knife cutting into his heart. He turned his head and kissed her palm. “I will never break another promise to you. I rather die than break any more promises.”

Eda smiled her eyes drifting shut again.

A few minutes later a nurse came and took her for tests. ‘

Serkan waited outside the room for Eda to be brought back. Selin returned but he couldn’t be bothered to deal with her yet. She wasn’t what mattered.

#edser #edser fic #fanfic #sen çal kapımı #eda yildiz #serkan bolat #serkan x eda

[suspiciouslybluemilktea]

Chapters 3-5 of The Passed Out Princess

Pairing: My CMC (Uyu, Dan Byeol) x Suit Saeran See all chapters

Description: On days 7-9 of Ray’s route, the player is denied food as “Saeran” makes his presence first known. But, what if MC fell very ill under this method of torture due to a medical condition? Sadly, my custom MC, Uyu (full name Dan Byeol), would deal with exactly this dilemma.

Warnings and notes found in chapter 1-2

Without taking a second to assess the situation, he began his tantrum, entering the room without even a knock out of courtesy.

“Finally getting what you wanted and you’re laying down on the bed as if nothing matters! You should be grateful I even thought to check up on you!”

The door shut behind him with a slam.

“Well then? Up. Get up, toy. I didn’t come all the way out here to watch you sleep!”

Saeran made his way over to the bed, almost in a stomping manner.

Uyu let out a small groan, attempting to pick herself up to look him in the eyes, disobeying one of his direct orders on purpose even now. With some shifts, she made her way to sitting up at the edge of the bed close to him with a slouch in her posture. Moving about to face him signaled her forehead to throb again, causing her to instinctively lift her hand to touch it beneath her bangs, a wince escaping her mouth.

“Is that all you’ve got to show me how much I’m making you suffer? Tch. Pathetic! You suck. Take more lessons from Zen while you’re chatting with him so damn much. Maybe he can at least teach you to cry on command for me. Didn’t you take theater classes before or something?”

The tall man in black towered over her as he spoke, icy eyes glaring at her through marshmallow colored fringe which fell over them in his lean forward. His lips curled into a wicked grin before he broke the awkward silence again.

“Well then...what would you like to refer to this issue as? Tell me. You must have weaved quite the story in preparation for my arrival. Out with it!”

Uyu mustered up some strength to mutter out a little of what he needed to know, embarrassed having to explain herself and call for his help when he appeared to be nothing but cruel to her.

He had shouted at her. He had shoved her a little. He had pinned her against a wall and trapped her like a wolf hunting a small, doe eyed rabbit.

And now, here she was teaching him about one of her medical conditions. Needless to say, she wished it possible to pretend it all wasn’t happening.

“..I have chronic low blood sugar. If...my hunger goes unchecked…..it just drops...my blood sugar I mean... and I get sick….it’s undocumented as there’s not much else doctors can do other than tell me to eat..”

Oh the shame.

“Pfft-”

Saeran cackled, loudly, higher in pitch, his voice reaching a part of his lungs that made it almost wheezy.

“Seriously? I hate how your list of problems is so long a fool might have believed you. You’re so damn weak. Say... I wonder...should today’s playtime be me dangling food in front of your face, then? Come on. Let’s get you to stand first, hmm? Then I’ll fetch you something sucky...like raw carrots...and you’ll hop for me like a pet bunny in desperation. I’ll even be so kind as to help you to your feet. What do you say, princess? Would you like that? A gentlemanly hand extended to you from your master?”

He reached down, pulling her hand away from her forehead and clasping it in his right, intertwining her small fingers with his long and slender ones. She shivered at his touch, him being so much colder than she was, as if his hand had been resting in a freezer while apart from her.

“...No...Saeran I might throw up again-”

“Sure you will~”, he cooed, bringing his face to hers.

“Where is that vomit, by the way? Did you oh so conveniently make it to the toilet so it’s all flushed away and gone? Haha...it’s hard to play with a toy who won’t even stand…so up! I’ll help you now, giving you that sweetness you oh so crave. On the count of three! One...two…”

Uyu shook her head as she attempted to pull back away from him, but her hand was still trapped in his firm grip, growing stronger as she attempted to resist.

“Three!”

Saeran gave her a jerk forward, the pull almost sending her to hit the ground before she caught herself on his arm.

“Wow! She did it! She stands! See that wasn’t so har-”

Dan felt the blood seem to rush out of her brain and downwards in a waterfall motion as that hot and cold chill returned. Her legs teetered as she lost balance, falling before grasping at him, ending up in his arms entirely, Saeran trying to avoid being knocked over himself. She let out a “brrr” noise as she shuttered, so dizzy the room felt as if it were doing somersaults and tumbles as it tossed her limp body around.

“Toy? Toy! What the hell kind of a stunt...”

Saeran pulled her away from him to get a better look at her as her head rolled to the side feebly. He held the woman out by her shoulders in front of him as if she were a little rag doll he wanted to shake back and forth to somehow bring life back into her.

“Start speaking to me! It’s not funny! You can quit the act now…stop doing that…”

His tone grew softer as the sound of a stiffness in the back of his throat made itself known, gulping as if swallowing a ball. He spoke again through gritted teeth.

“Not funny….I’m getting angrier….pull yourself together, toy…”

And with a little jostle from him, her guts felt a sudden whirl before a solid drop as did her head, the color black with spirals seizing her sight as she could no longer sort of keep herself upright. Saeran let go of her shoulders, feeling her whole weight lean in on him, catching her before she could fall.

Dan had finally blacked out cold exactly at noon, leaving Saeran alone, drowning in a sea of his own panic.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saeran held her close to him for a minute out of shock, his captivating eyes wide, stunned and not wanting to witness what he was responsible for. With Uyu completely slumped into him, he maneuvered his arms around her to allow her frail unconscious body to lean backwards. He didn’t want to believe he caused her to actually pass out, supporting her with his left arm and gently caressing her soft cheek with the back of his right hand.

A part of him feared he had caused the unthinkable.

He spoke in a strained whisper.

“Princess…?”

Not to his surprise, he received no reply, not even the slightest sign that she was faking. He huffed gently as his bottom lip began to quiver...his underlying worry that she wasn’t indeed fooling him appeared now true. He pulled her close to his chest again, his heart hammering against her as he cursed under his breath, thoughts racing so fast he felt a headache of his own coming on.

“Shit….”

Saeran went down onto his knees, still cradling her as her head rested in the crook of his neck, scooching her so she was sitting on his lap. His heart hurt...it physically hurt...a crushing squeezing pain that made him want to rip it from his chest entirely. It felt as if a rose bush had wrapped its way around it, winding an elaborate cage of thorns which pierced through like a million needles; the prettiest rose wilted in his hands because he couldn’t give it basic sunlight and water. The rose which bloomed within Ray’s heart...unlike Ray, Saeran wasn’t a nurturing gardener. Screaming at a flower for not growing into what you wished it to become will do nothing. Or...was it that the flower had already blossomed as he tried to force it closed, back into becoming a bud? Either way, he could now feel the dryness of its shriveled petals as his first tear spilled down his hot cheek.

“You don’t seem so tough now…..aren’t you supposed to be able to handle what I throw at you?”

He pressed his face into her hair, the smell of her floral conditioner he once insulted overwhelming his senses.

With heavy shame and panic, the built up water in his tear ducts came trickling down in little glistening, frequent streams upon his pale face. He shook like a leaf in the wind.

“...I did it. I defeated you. Damn you. This was supposed to be better….feel better. I was promised this was what I wanted...but you made it too easy. I hate a lack of challenge...”

He lifted his head before scooping her up bridal style, carrying her to the princess bed to lay her down somewhere comfortable. Upon her back with her hair partially sprawled out behind her, her position resembled that of sleeping beauty, the one who cursed her to sleep as well as the one who could save her life sharing the same body. Saeran’s kiss could not wake her as the one who made her prick her finger on that spinning wheel, and her prince charming was gone, banished away as he could not stand the cruelties of the dark castle’s dungeons. Or at least, that’s how he felt; that he was acting as the Maleficent of this long tale.

He stared at her for a while, breathing rapidly as his chest puffed up and down, bewildered, seething and puzzled as to why this all hurt him so. His savior promised knocking Dan down was the way to go...after all, she corrupted Ray, disobeyed the savior and caused Ray to do the same, made Ray have to be cleansed...she was no good for him; a liar and a manipulator. That’s what his savior told him, and she was never wrong, was she?

He tried to take her state in again as he watched her, drinking up her lifelessness, pushing himself to feel positive about it. It was a good thing. This was a good thing. The savior might even congratulate him for this. He might even receive praise for doing the opposite as Ray had done, feeding her well put together meals despite not even having the time to sleep. Or, would the savior scold him for besting her too early? After all, she was still essential to bringing down the RFA, as useless as he made her seem to be.

“Yes, that’s it,” he thought. He HAS to make sure she’s ok so she can carry out her job. But why did it seem like so much more than that as he felt a soreness seeing her hurt? He put his hands in his hair, tugging at the white messy tufts by the roots as he audibly panted, feeling himself being sent into a frenzy of angry and confused alarm. He gasped and shook as his eyes glazed over and color drained from his complexion, internally feeling a tug a war between his yearnings and what he had been told. A few broken “ahs” and whimpers left his open mouth as Saeran stumbled backwards, bumping his heel on the bedside table with a thunk. His tears would not cease.

It felt as if no matter how he rationalized what had just happened, matching it to his savior’s wishes and words she whispered into his ears, he couldn’t find it within himself to feel successful or triumphant in any manner. He whipped himself around to avoid looking at the passed out princess, his gaze meeting a vase with fresh flowers left by Ray which she slept beside every night. This room was so full of her...so full of him...so full of them and their time spent together. With a loud crash, he knocked it over, the smashed bits aligning the floor as the water lay in a puddle, the flowers undamaged, surrounded by the mess.

He chewed skin off his lip, leaving it pinker and salty in taste. To avoid his savior’s disapproval, for acting so weak and for making Dan so ill, Saeran decided it was best to handle the entirety of the situation on his own. He licked away the bead of red hot blood, brimming from where he bit off skin before collecting himself to a degree to clean up what he had done.

He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror for a while, analyzing his features and making certain his emotions were concealed. He needed to hide his trembles and sobs if he were to re-enter the halls, wearing the iron mask of the strongest believer.

—————————————————————————————————-

Locking the door to keep Dan alone and safe, Saeran made his way around until he reached the place’s kitchen, keeping his head low to avoid the need to strike conversations or bark orders. The believers knew by now that his brisk walking and low hanging head meant no one was to disturb him, as he was probably doing something of importance for the savior. Same went for Ray, even. This made his trip rather quick and easy, even with the glances and stares he received in the halls. He paid no attention to the whispers which followed them.

“I’m hungry. Whip up something and make it fast. Doesn’t matter what as long as it’s got all the food groups and doesn’t taste like utter garbage.”

After Saeran commanded the Mint Eye chefs to get to work on a dish specially “for himself”, he pulled out his android phone to do a quick Google search on what might help with Uyu’s condition. From that he was able to piece together that candy and sugar can help provide immediate relief, for just a moment, as it would spike her blood sugars.

“Do we still have any candies around here? I want a few of those.”

“Yes Mr. Saeran sir...there are some mint candies and chocolates in the cabinet by your head…to the right. We got them recent-”

“No need to point it out and ramble. I know my way around the kitchen. Next time, just a simple yes unless I ask you to say more.”

“Yes, sir.”

Mint Eye was rather used to not seeing Saeran or Ray at meal times unless the savior requested him to attend and sit by her side, so to them, him taking his dinner to go was more normal.

He opened the white cupboard door, seeing numerous clear jars they’d set out on display during meal times. He shoved his hand into the chocolates first, taking it out empty then deciding to go for the mints, remembering “the little thing can’t have dairy.” Grabbing a solid handful of the sweet safe for her to eat, he shoved it all into the pockets of his dark suit, then leaning against the wall, eyeing the chefs at work.

As Saeran himself requested a meal, it was going to be elaborate and made by a whole team in an effort to please him, worry that a mistake could send them to be cleansed acting as a great motivator. Two people off to the right made small garlic potatoes while another two prepared a red wine sauce, to go with the steak a different believer was making. This did not include the last pair, which made stir fried vegetables, one cooking and one cutting.

The kitchen was quiet apart from the sounds of the sizzling, chopping, and stirring; Saeran swallowing saliva as his adam’s apple rolled up and then down, feeling the weight of the fear the room felt towards him. Many times, he saw that kitchens were depicted as being so loud and fun, full of life and chatter unlike this one. Saeran commanded authority and respect, yes, but none of these people would even dare say more than a yes sir no sir to him, let alone smile and act friendly. Would they even smile and talk if he wasn’t there? Or, was joy something this place had always lacked, him just now noticing because of the horribly confusing pit in his stomach at the moment? For the most part, he was on his own, the kindness he received from the savior being all he had to look forward to. And it was always enough for him, as the anxiety he provoked just being in the same room as the believers usually filled him with glee. But then...Ray found someone else who’d show him sweetness. A different kind of sweetness. One that would make his face hot to the touch and heart glow, as if he were under the bright blue sky getting a sunburn, sugary treats melting and dancing on his tongue with new flavors he just wasn’t used to. It was nerve racking and yet so energizing at the same time, something to look forward to as he snuck around to see Dan for so long. Saeran at least could say he found her words to be rather interesting, keeping him on his toes the brief time that they properly spoke together. And by brief...he meant three times. That dork passed out after they had only talked to each other three times.

He was used to the feeling of people trying to tear up his body and soul with their nails from the inside out...but not in the way she did. She at least spoke such honeyed words and phrases, sugar coated in such an unlike recipe as did the glaze which covered his savior’s. Even when telling him something harsh, Dan clarified that his best interest was always in her mind. Ray wished for more of this as he asked her to wreck his head outright. A foolish thing really. Or so Saeran was told.

“Umm...Mr. Saeran...your dish is ready.”

He picked up his stare from the floor to the believer now speaking to him as his train of thoughts were broken off. No matter how much of a display he tried to put on, his mind was somewhere else, somewhere it shouldn’t be. Thinking about someone it shouldn’t be.

“Yes, good. I’ll take the plate to my room as I’m very busy with my important work. Bring me some silverware and a napkin. And a water bottle. And cover the food so it stays warm.”

“Yes sir. For eternal paradise.”

“For eternal paradise..”

The kitchen staff said nothing to his face about the redness which surrounded his mint eyes and the tip of his nose, but behind his back was a different story.

Next chapters All chapters

#ray mystic messenger #suit saeran #saeran x mc #saeran choi #Uyu #Dan Byeol #mystic messenger cmc

[silenceofthecookies]

One piece matchup for @basilisa-scorpii / @some-piece​ 

I’m 25 cis woman. Bisexual, however, I tend to lean more towards men or more “masculine” women, when it comes to physical attraction. I’m a tall gal (180cm/5’11) and on the chubby side of the scale, especially when it comes to boobs (I’m outranking OP girls, I’m afraid, rip my back xD), apple body shape, long legs. Dark, almost black, wavy hair, dark eyes, olive-ish complexion. Pierced girl here: 3 in left ear, one in right and a labret; totally planning more as well as tattoos. Rather tomboyish with a huge love for punk style, I like wearing black clothes and “break” them with something warm and vivid, like yellow or red.

ISTJ and Capricorn. Extremely introverted. Shy and reserved towards “stranger danger”, but I like people in general and I like company, as long as I’m having a safe distance and the “people time” is balanced with solitude. I have a huge tendency to be gloomy, can come across as rude and insensitive to people who don’t know me well, since I don’t really care about social boundaries, I’m sarcastic and have quite a morbid sense of humor. I am horribly hot-headed, but I do my best to tame it, so I rarely explode… But when I do, then it is indeed an explosion. Around the right people, I tend to get softer (aka the face people usually see on my blogs, doing my best to not be a bitch lmao) and more chaotic. Once I become close to someone, I am loyal to death and kind of overprotective. I’m not really affectionate and can’t express emotions well, my love language is an act of service. Biggest flaws: stubborn af, clumsy, oblivious, over-cautious, control freak, workaholic.

I love reading (sci-fi, fantasy, thriller, crime stories, magical realism, comics), travelling, history and archeology (ancient and medieval Europe), ornithology, stargazing and astrophysics, mythologies and folklore, cooking, writing, Greek history, language and culture. 

I also like: wandering around early in the morning/at night, reading on a windowsill, visiting random places in my city and around, rainy summer days and storms, birds, cloudless nights, dark chocolate, when someone plays with my hair, freedom of choice, meditating, good hot tea, hiking, sitting in water (hooot baths!), tattoos, piercing and body art, liquor, atmospheric bars with good music, good beer and good, small company.

I hate: crowd, clingy and noisy people, being told what to do and when, covering my neck and chest, being touched without asking for permission first, hot and sunny weather, losing control over situations or myself, cruelty against animals, kids and weaker people; bigotry, judgemental people, injustice, symmetrism, sterility, overly spicy food.

Any additional info you would like to share, fun facts, etc.

I’m neurodivergent (autistic and I suspect I might have ADHD in addition, though it both can go together and shares some similarities so who knows).

Used to be very sport oriented (trained basketball and for short time fencing) but because of health issues I can’t do that anymore. I do like being active whenever my mental and physical states allow me to (I just love yoga cause I can flex how flexible I am lmao)... But I need to be watched cause die hard or do nothing and I end in even worse condition, so yeah, someone with one more brain cell than me is needed around xD

I have a very high tolerance for toxic substances, such as alcohol, drugs, lots of meds… And luckily very good pain tolerance, cause most painkillers don’t work on me and whoa boy.

(No wonder I hate dentists with passion.)

I get along better with people who are straightforward and honest, even if sometimes they might tell me something I do not wish to hear. I will sniff bullshit out on a mile and if someone lies to me once, it’s over. And on top of that, I just don’t get hints, implications, allusions. Also, since I absorb emotions like a sponge, people who act too dramatically quickly overwhelm me, either it’s negative or positive emotions. 

I’d be the definition of a slowborn protagonist… Because it’d take me ages to realize someone has a crush on me and even longer to open enough to accept them lmao I’m a horrible, hopeless case.

I match you with... 

Trafalgar Law!

Bas. I kid you not. I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out if your match should’ve been Law or Zoro. Went down my list as usual, ended up with those two anyway. And here I wanted to surprise you ☹ Anyway, here’s why I picked Law:

Law is very calm, levelheaded and in general, not noisy at all. He’s a balanced person who generally won’t overwhelm you with his own feelings and emotions. He’s straightforward with his words and actions, because who has time (or energy) for beating around the bush? When Law says something, he means it. What also makes him a good match for you is that he is very calm, even in emotional situations, so he can step in before you explode.

A relationship with Law is very much drama-free. He’s a doctor, a captain and an insomniac gremlin, he doesn’t have the time nor energy for fights. You’re both adults, and problems will be handled as adults, by talking. Law won’t raise his voice unless you do so first and even then, it’ll take a while. In the rare case a fight escalates, he'll just walk away and wait for the situation to cool down.

Law is very patient with you. He’s not a person who will quickly get attached. Once he falls in love with someone, it’s unconditional. If you’re in disbelief he’ll show you through his words and actions that he’s serious. If you can’t accept it, he’ll wait until you can. He’ll give you all the time and space you need. Be prepared for some teasing about that way later in the relationship when you’re both comfortable with it though.

Law shares in your dislike of crowds, so dates will usually be something away from them, or something where you can easily get away from should it be overwhelming. Much like you, he too has times where he needs to recharge from social interactions by having some alone time, and he will never judge you or guilt you for needing some time for yourself.

Let’s not forget Law is a doctor. He understands your health, both physical and even to a degree mental, and will help you where needed, mostly by telling you not to push yourself and stopping you when you’re doing so anyway. He’s concerned about you but not in an overbearing way, trusting you to know what your limits are. Be prepared for a little nagging when you do know better but do things anyway.

Law’s love languages are quality time and acts of service, preferring to show this feelings for you through actions rather than through words or physical affection. He's happy you're not too clingy either, though that doesn't mean some affection isn't needed from time to time.

In general, Law will always respect your independence and even encourage you to do things with people beside him. He knows he's very busy and sometimes won't have enough time for you, so he wants you to have other people as well that you can enjoy yourself with. He doesn't easily get jealous either, though he is curious about your friends, wanting to meet them at least once, if only so he knows who you're talking about when you tell him about your day.

#matchmaker cookie #matchup #one piece matchup #basilisa-scorpii #some-piece #one piece #cookie writes #600 followers event #scheduled post

[notyourhetloki]

Where are the clowns?

- Arthur Fleck (Joker) x Reader -

Pronouns: None! It’s gender neutral ;)

Word Count: 2,042

Notes: This is a repost from my archived blog @/joysmaddworld

“Hello! This is not something I usually do, but since reading this request made by the incredible @ajokeformur-ray​ , I just couldn’t get this scenario out off my head! So of course, this IS a work directly inspired by her writing and that request in particular, so I recommend you to check it out first! Thank you so much for inspiring me and allowing me to post this, dear <3 Hope you all like it!”

Warnings: Mentions of guns, criminal activity and hospital settings. Spoilers.

“Two police officers were injured in a confront inside the National Bank of Gotham City. The criminals took a large quantity of money to later on scatter it onto the streets on their way out.”

You were barely paying any attention to the TV, too concentrated on eating and balancing the plate on your lap as you sat uncomfortably on your couch; a bad habit you developed as your shifts at Arkham started getting longer and longer. There was not enough time in lunch break, so multitasking was the way to keep track of things happening around.

As you found a decent position, you took a bite of your food to then finally take a glimpse of the TV, and the sight of an armed man wearing a clown mask made you freeze, now completely paying attention to the news.

“All gang members were wearing clown masks to hide their ID, a now considered symbol of the rebel movement that emerged several months back when multiple protests took place around the city, sparked by a statement from the deceased politician Thomas Wayne.”

You watched closely as one masked man appeared to be putting money inside big cloth bags and two others guarded his back while holding guns.

The camera zoomed into one particular individual. Thin, medium length hair, red suit.. but still with a mask hiding his face.

He moved with elegance. Despite the situation, he seemed to be dancing around and thriving on the chaos.

Could it be?

“One of the burglars is suspected to be the missing criminal Arthur Fleck, famously known as Joker. The police department of Gotham City is investigating the possibility of TV star Murray Franklin’s murderer being involved in the crimes committed by this particular gang. Three criminals were injured and are now under arrest, and the remaining five, including the yet to be confirmed Joker, are still to be found.”

You sat and watched the last few scenes from the report, now with a sudden anxiety bubble rising from your stomach... it had to be him.

~ A few months back ~

Since you started working at the Arkham State Hospital, your life took a turn you could never expect. As a naturally empathetic person, you knew you would have to fight to maintain your mental health and sanity intact... working at an asylum would never be an easy job. You just couldn’t predict you would get this affected by a patient.

Arthur was a unique case, a unique man. You had to admit that you had been wary before becoming his therapist... he did kill several men. But as you got to know his case, read his files... your heart just broke. Arthur was the perfect example of what negligence and cruelty could do to a person, or make a person do.

You decided that, despite the circumstances, you would be kind to that man. Try to make him experience a little peace, maybe try to gain his trust and care for him. You wanted to befriend him. And without you even realizing, you had fallen... diving head first in the rabbit hole that was Arthur Fleck, crossing a point of no return.

As time passed by, you got closer and closer to Arthur. Brought him food, bought him quality cigarettes with your own money... tried to care for him as much as you could, especially knowing how the other hospital workers would treat him badly. He appreciated every single little thing, you could see it in his eyes...could feel him starting to open up to you more with each session. At the very first appointments he stayed silent, probably expecting another doctor to say some bullshit and just... not understand. But seeing your actual interest in him, Arthur started getting less shy, and with time, he even dared to get a little bold. Always respectful, but still making you blush at his attempts at flirting. It surprised you to know Arthur could be that caring, and with each visit he managed to find another sweet spot of yours.

For some unknown reason, Arthur Fleck just captivated you. Maybe because he was gentle, polite, interesting to get to know... nothing related to that “freak” image people portrayed of him. They just didn’t care to get to know him... and that infuriated you. Or maybe because he seemed to treasure you so much... no one had ever looked at you the way he did. And Arthur probably never had anyone looking at and caring for him the way you did.

The day Arthur escaped Arkham caught you (and everyone at the hospital) off guard. Several men wearing clown masks invaded the place, held some staff as hostages and broke into Arthur’s cell. You had just arrived at work when it all happened. You rushed to Arthur’s aisle, only to have a gun pointed at you by one of his followers.

"The doctor’s with me!” You heard Arthur’s urgent voice from behind you, he touched your shoulder lightly as to make you turn to face him.

“Are you ok?” You couldn’t properly respond, your breath was taken away as you realized... he was so close. There had been times where you would take his handcuffs off during therapy sessions to provide him some comfort, but... nothing like this. You obviously trusted Arthur to behave in a controlled environment, and for your surprise, it didn’t make you feel afraid to have him standing free right in front of you. There was definitely mutual trust between you two.

He had a much calmer expression now seeing you were ok. The look in his eyes was soft, Arthur always looked at you like that... so you hugged him, something you wanted to do since the first time reading through his files.

He proceeded to explain that those men were the same ones that helped him the day he shot Murray... he really did manage to start a movement, huh?

“I’m not going to stop you, Arthur.” You didn’t want to do that, anyway. “But please... be careful, ok??” you said urgently. That moment finally made you realize how bad you cared for him, how bad you were going to miss him now that he'd be gone. Would you ever see each other again?

Arthur looked at you in the eyes for just a quick moment before he kissed you. He held the side of your face ever so gently, and stole a sweet delicate kiss that surprised you, but made you melt.

He then smiled at you, and proceeded to be rushed out of the hospital by his comrades, leaving you completely speechless. That was the last time you saw Arthur Fleck.

Or so you thought.

Every day you would look into the news, searching for something that might relate to Arthur... you were so afraid for him. Police officers would definitely not be as nice now that he had escaped once again... he could be shot, killed...

You couldn’t fathom that. For weeks you frantically searched for any signs of him, but found nothing.

Months got by and your mind started slowing down a bit, you could only hope he was ok and fine wherever he was.

You missed Arthur... so, so much.

The report from the news channel stayed on your mind throughout the whole day... you felt distracted, distant. Your mind going places you definitely did not want to go. Sometimes you felt like it was best to move on from Arthur, forget him so you wouldn’t suffer so much... but you couldn’t do it. Your heart ached for him, holding onto the hope you had of seeing him again.

When it was just about nighttime, you ultimately decided to take some time for yourself and try to calm your mind a little bit. You started preparing some tea, popped a Frank Sinatra vinyl onto the record player and proceeded to grab a book to read. You couldn’t help but think Arthur would have appreciated the music...

Concentrating to read was proven to be harder than anticipated, so you got up and stopped the music out of frustration. Maybe going upstairs to your room was a better ideia... it had started to rain, that would help you calm down.

Before you grabbed a cup of tea to take to your bedroom, you rushed to close a window you didn’t quite remember opening in the first place... thankfully it didn’t rain inside.

You spent what felt like an hour or so just looking outside of your bedroom window. Watched as the rain fell gently on top of the trees, making the branches full of leaves dance ominously... the movement was so calming combined with the warmth of your tea... you finally started to calm down, the sound of the rain leading you to a trance like state.

The sound of music caught you off guard. At first you thought you were imagining things, but then remembered about the record player downstairs...

“Isn't it rich? Are we a pair? Me here at last on the ground, You in mid-air...”

Your heart skipped a beat, suddenly feeling terrified. You weren’t the type of person to consider a ghost or anything like that... so there were only two valid options in your head: the vinyl started playing on it’s on somehow, or there was an intruder.

Grabbing the switchblade you kept on your desk, you put on a robe and gathered all the courage inside yourself to go downstairs. You took each step carefully to make as little sound as possible, holding your breath involuntarily as you felt your heart pounding heavy on your chest... ok, maybe you were a little bit afraid of ghosts, after all...

“But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns.”

As you took the last few steps of the stairs, you managed to take a deep quiet breath and proceed to peek on your living room.

You couldn’t believe your eyes.

Arthur was beside the record player, rocking gently from side to side in tune with the music and with his eyes closed. He was wearing his Joker outfit, makeup and all... he looked beautiful.

“A-Arthur?” you managed to say, starting to tear up and letting your blade drop to the floor.

He opened his eyes and looked at you, letting out a small gasp as he whispered your name. Arthur had planned to visit you for the longest time now, but he knew the dangers and implications of that. He had to stay low for a while, even wore a mask (much against his will) in his last public appearance... but after all those months, he grew impatient. Nothing mattered anymore, only you. And oh, you looked breathtaking. Seeing you now so vulnerable, wearing only a silk robe made Arthur rediscover a passion he thought could never get stronger.

He managed to take just a few small steps before you ran to his embrace... you couldn’t help but cry a little bit, thank goodness he was alright.

“Oh, I was so worried!” you said, now looking Arthur in the eyes. He wiped some tears from your cheeks and held your face gently, taking in the sight of you. Finally... being reunited with him felt so right.

“I missed you, doctor...” he said teasingly, making you chuckle as he smiled fondly at you. Your heart burned with passion, overwhelmed with the happiness and relief that took over you.

You found yourself running your hands up the lapels of his blazer and lightly grabbing at them, and just couldn’t help but pull him into a kiss. A wave of emotions washed through you as he kissed you back slowly, being so gentle yet passionate.

You both spent the night chuckling at each other like two teenagers, dancing around your living room barely letting go of each other’s embrace, kissing and loving each other for hours on end.

You knew what you were getting yourself into. Arthur was definitely not a saint, you knew life with him could get dangerous for both really quickly... it was all really risky and crazy.

But oh, craziness beside Arthur Fleck felt so, so good. You knew deep in your heart it would all be worth it, no matter what.

A/N: Well, I hope y’all like it! I got some amazing feedback when I posted it on my old blog, so I’m excited to see what you have to say about it! Thank you, loves! Enjoy ;^)

#arthur fleck #joker #arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #joaquin phoenix #joaquin pheonix joker #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #self insert

[pettyprocrastination]

Neat Shoes Spencer Reid x Goth!POC!Reader

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Goth!POC!Reader

Summary: Spencer’s girlfriend has some fun choices in footwear, which he lets slip to the group technical analysis and his dear friend, Penelope Garcia.

Second fic in the Series The Genius and The Goth.

Read the first one here!

“You know those are my favorites.”

You looked up from the shoes in your closet with a grin. “Oh believe me baby, I know.”

Your style was loud, confident, and breathtaking. Reid had never seen you in an outfit that didn't get his heart racing. But your shoes? Your shoes were always the pièce de résistance.

Thick heels, shining silver clasps and a satisfying heavy thunk with each step. But the pair you had on now was his #1 favorite. 

You had them on when you first met him. Black leather shoes with a thick three-inch thick clear platform wedge on the bottom. The best part was-

“Which ones shall we go with today?” You asked him, painted nails skimming over a jar of toy dinosaurs to the one filled with fake spiders. 

The charms. 

Sure enough, those funky kicks had a neat little feature of a tiny slip on the bottom. This allowed you to pop open the bottom of the heel like a little secret door and fill the clear wedge with charms; different ones each day. Dice, toy soldiers, fake bugs, you name it. 

When you first met, they were filled with dungeons & dragons dice. 

Spencer looked over your shoulder as the jars, pressing a kiss into the crook of your neck. He swayed in place, arms wrapped around you in a silent dance of the morning. 

He hummed, eyes scanning the jars and smiling into your skin. “I don’t know about you, but it feels like a dice type of day to me.”

“D&D dice or regular dice?”

“D&D.” Spencer nipped at your neck and you laughed. 

“Feeling mystical are we?”

You grabbed the jar, unscrewing the lid. Spencer took your shoe in his hand, slipping the bottom open so you could pour the colored dice in. 

Once the shoes were full, You’d stand up and slip them on, holding Spencer's hand for balance as you did. 

You laughed when he crouched down and began to tie the laces.“You know you don’t have to do all this, right Spence? I’m a big girl and can tie my own laces.”

The way he would look up at you with a tiny chuckle and that earnest look made your knees knock together. 

“I know.” He said as he finished tying the bunny ears. “I just like helping you.”

When Spencer stood, he smiled at the difference. He always did. With the shoes on you were three inches taller than before, which made you tall enough to kiss his check without having to reach up or tug him down. 

“Come back home?”

You always said that.  Never ‘i’ll see you tonight.’ or ‘Be home soon.’ You knew his job was dangerous, and that he could be gone for days or weeks on a case only to be called back again in the morning. He knew you worried, and you knew he felt guilty for it. So you made sure never to make any promises he couldn’t keep. Even now, with crutches and confined to helping from Garcia’s side through the phone, you still worried. 

“Of course I will.”

“You're my bitch now.”

Morgan laughed at Garcia’s playfully sultry words spoken to the incapacitated doctor. Two cases ago, when defending a metropolitan surgeon from the vengeful father of a child he didn’t save, Reid had gotten shot in the leg. Nothing major was hit, but he was put on crutches for a few weeks and Hotch has insisted that he stayed at the Bau center at least for the next three cases so he could “regain his footing” after he lied about being cleared to fly.

The irony of his wording was not lost on him. 

But Spencer couldn't complain that much. He loved Penelope to bits, she was family just like the others. There were certainly worse people to spend his day seated with. He could still do his job effectively from her “Command Center of Coolness” as she called it. 

He was working on the geological profile when he heard an all to familiar rattle coming from Garcia. She sat in her chair, typing away on her computer while also bouncing her leg at maximum hyperspeed. Which in turn shook her foot, rattling the charms bounding around in her shoe with every jiggle. 

Her shoes. They were the exact ones you wore, except where yours were black, Garcia’s pair was a pretty pale pink.

“Neat shoes.” His voice was distant as he spoke, his mind already off the profile and focusing on the woman he left this morning wearing similar footwear. 

Garcia grinned and stuck her feet out with a delightful wiggle from left to right. “Thanks! I got them for eighty bucks! Which may not sound cheap but for these babies? An absolute steal!”

Spencer smiled and turned back toward the map he had been marking. “Oh believe me I know, my girlfriend has a pair just like those.”

Garcia froze, smile turning into an open gasp. “What!?” Spencer didn’t notice her shock, already hyper-focused back into working out the geological profile for Hotch, but he continued to speak without realizing what he just said. 

“Yeah. Although yours are pink and the pair she owns are blaaaa..” Spencer's voice trailed off as his body went rigid and it hit him what he had just said. 

His girlfriend. 

His girlfriend. 

He had just told Penelope Garcia that he was dating somebody. 

“Your WHAT!”

Her shrill shriek bounced off the walls of her tiny room of screens, effectively trapping spencer both physically and mentally. 

“I just meant-”

“You're dating somebody!”

“What?” Spencer's voice went an octave higher. “No, I’m not!” Garcia scoffed and raised her brows. 

“Then why did you say you have a girlfriend?”

Reid let out a nervous laugh. “Well, that’s a very good question! You see I-”

The phone began to ring, causing Spencer to jump up from his seat to answer. 

“HiHotchSpencerHereWaddyaNeed!”

Hotch pulled the phone away from his ear, cringing at the loud and panicked tone Reid shouted in. “Is everything okay over there Reid?”

“Actually-”

The doctor slapped his hand over Garcia’s mouth before she could say more. “Yup everything is great Hotch! What’s up?”

“Well, I-” He looked towards the others, who merely shrugged and offered confused faces. “Garcia I need a list of all the tattoo artists in town and those of which have done prison time for acts of animal cruelty.”

Spencer looked toward Garcia, hand still clamped over her mouth. 

“Garcia??”

“Please don't say anything to them.” He whispered. “I’m not ready to tell them yet but I will be. Please let me be the one to tell them.”

After a moment of pondering, the tech analyst nodded, Reid let out a breath of relief and let go of her. 

“Garcia are you alright?”

Garcia snatched the phone from Spencer’s hands, causing him to jump. “Nothing wrong here bossman! I’ll be sending that list towards you faster than you can say PETA.”

“Thank you.”

Garcia began to type away at her computer, searching through the prison database for the information Hotch needed. 

“Thank you for keeping quiet about this Penelope. I uh-” Spencer offered her a nervous smile. “-I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t sweat it boy wonder, but don’t you think it’ll be kind of hard to keep it quiet? “ Her eyes stayed on the monitor in front of her as she spoke. “I mean, you spend your day surrounded by profilers, they’ll figure out sooner or later.”

Spencer’s hands wrung the phone receiver nervously. That was a topic he had brought up to you. He insisted that it wasn’t that he was ashamed of you, it was just that-

“My friends can be a little overbearing is all.” You took a bite out of your slice of pizza and shrugged. It had been date night when he brought the conversation up. The two of you decided to stay in for the night and watch movies instead of going out. “I don’t want them to be overly judgmental or suffocating on you.”

“Spence, they're your family.” You corrected, wiping your hands on your napkin before moving to take his hands in your own. “I’d expect them to be protective over you. But I'll be happy to meet them whenever you're ready for it.”

Spencer smiled, relaxing into your lap. “Thank you, really.”

“It’s no problem brainiac. Now quit moping during Lord of The Rings.”

“I just want to be able to tell them on my own accord.” He said. Penelope noticed the soft smile on his face and nudged his foot with her own. 

“Well if she has shoes like these, she’s alright in my book.” She joked. “It’s clear she must have good tastes. But I already knew that since she’s dating you, handsome.”

Spencer laughed. “Yeah uh, thanks Garcia. For understanding, really.”

She pointed her pen at him, the fluffy ball on top wobbling as she did. “No problem sugar, but don’t you think this means I’m letting you off the hook, doctor. Believe me when I say I’ll be doing a background check on this mystery girl.”

Spencer chuckled and nodded his head. “Yeah, yeah I know Garcia, don’t think I could even stop you if I tried.”

“Oh, you couldn’t.” She laughed. “I’m like a shadow, baby! A tech shadow that lurked in binary code and-” She froze, looking at the receiver then back to the handset Spencer still held in his left hand. “-oh damn.”

“What?” He jumped forward, eyes scanning her computer screen for whatever it was that frightened her. “What’s wrong.”

“Uh, Spence?”

“Yeah?”

She raised a finger, pointing to the still red light on the receiver of the phone. “You uh, you never hung up the phone sweetie.”

Spencer looked down at the phone in his hands, the sudden dooming realization that not only had he poured his heart out to Penelope, but also to his entire team. In a panic, he slammed the handset down into the receiver. 

Hotch looked towards the others in the room, most of which sported looks of shock to big grins. “Nobody mention this until the case is over, you hear me? We need everybody to remain focused.”

“Yes, sir.”Prentiss laughed as she and Morgan went off to interview a suspect. Morgan saluted their unit chief with a grin. “Of course, we’re professionals after all.”

JJ looked up from her file with an exasperated smile. “You guys are going to call him as soon as the case is over, aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Without a doubt.”

Authors Note: Another one for the Goth!gf gang!!! Anyways this is another fic in the series and I intend to do more! So far it may just be oneshots that sort of play off eachother so if you want to send me requests for this or headcanons to go off of or anything PLEASE DO! I love hearing from your guys and yall are my inspiration so uuhhh do that. Anyways, my semester is almost over thank GOD. Hopefully then I’ll be able to relax a bit before my summer classes start up. Love you all and hope youre staying safe and healthy in this tough times, much love and serotinin to you all!!<3

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer x goth!gf #The Genius and The Goth

[kaibutsushidousha]

Which servant did you choose when playing Extra? Also, I'm curios to know if you think there are any other servants that would be interesting to see if they were summoned by Hakuno in Extra? Or maybe servants tht would be compatible with them other than Nero Tamamo Nameless

I went with Tamamo in the first playthrough and then Nero. I’ll save Nameless for Record because hopefully the game will be playable there. CCC was at least good enough to make me play all Servant routes.

As for other potential Servants for Hakuno, we already know compatibility got them with either Nero, Tamamo or Nameless, 3 anti-heroes. The former two being people fully dedicated to their close personal connections (even if in Nero’s case she feels a close personal connection to all Roman people) in almost complete disregard to morality or external circumstance. The latter is a wholly kindhearted person forced to kill others to survive. The parallels with Hakuno are pretty clear, especially with Nameless. So, running along with this line, we get:

Billy the Kid

This is one of weaker picks because I feel like it overlaps with Nameless a bit too much, as a sorta decent person turned brutal murder by the violent environment of their era. But like Hakuno and unlike Nameless, Billy is completely open about he considers himself an evil person. Normally I’d think a self-proclaimed evil partner (I’m thinking Drake or Moriarty) would encourage Hakuno’s worst habits, but I think Billy can work because we’ve already seen him on Lostbelt 1 taking this role of someone who makes the harsher, crueler calls for a kind and naive Master who still isn’t ready for it. Despite parroting Hakuno’s “I’m evil, actually”, I believe he wouldn’t encourage Hakuno to deny their own good nature. Instead he would encourage them to be rootin’, be tootin’, and by God be shootin’, but most importantly, be kind.

Miyamoto Musashi 

Same reasoning as Billy. The two had an entire conversation about in Anastasia. Also this one overlaps with Nero even harder than Billy overlaps with Nameless.

Yan Qing

Same reasoning as Billy and Musashi, this time without any real evidence. 

*Okita is another candidate for this same reasoning but I’ll keep her out of the list because her dynamic with Hakuno would be too much of a repeat of her dynamic with Kanata.

Dr. Jekyll

Another person trying really poorly to cope with a murder they’ve committed, but completely unlike Hakuno, Jekyll desperately tries to deny his evilness by framing as a separate side of himself completely alien to the gentleman doctor. I’ll admit I picked this one just for the potential Hakuno has to help Jekyll grow instead of the other way around.

Arjuna

The anti-Jekyll. Identical to Hakuno on how their characters are defined by committing war crimes once and never getting over it. Anyways, they are both actually really good people and have stubborn enough personalities to force each other acknowledge the good in themselves.

Ashwattaman

Fitting with how Yuga Kshehtra plays it itself as a CCC sequel, Pepe is a character designed to be extremely similar to Hakuno. So much so that I consider Ashwattaman to compatible with Hakuno for the exact same reasons he’s compatible with Pepe. Ash is a man who choose to embrace his flaws as hard as possible to maintain his grasp on his identity. He identifies as rage itself and aims to be the angry voice of indignation for those who feels like they don’t have the right to be angry. He’s there just to support people resigned to the cruelty fate forced upon them, and Hakuno is just as ripe of a partner for that as Pepe, so let him yell at Hakuno’s enemies in their stead.

Nagao Kagetora

Like Jekyll, I’m picking Kagetora just for Hakuno’s potential to support her, not the opposite. Kagetora’s backstory can easily be framed as a darker take on Hakuno’s character arc. They were both forced into situations where killing was necessary, but instinctively knew that killing is wrong. Hakuno pursued this dilemma incessantly for the first half their game until they found a satisfactory answer. Kagetora, on the other hand, just asked her family questions and got responded with a “You don’t have to understand, just follow this moral code to a T and you can look human enough even you don’t have a clue what being human is about”. Hakuno’s struggles to rationalize his own morality would clash heard with Kagetora’s whole deal and force her to make attempts to genuinely understand who she is and how she’s supposed to behave.

Nezha

Nezha is the best I can get in terms of a polar opposite to Hakuno. Hakuno sees themself as an evil person while remaining so concerned about the blood in their hands that it composes their entire character motivation. Nezha seems himself as a good and virtuous hero while constantly suggestion every problem in front of him should be solved with violence. Like with his self-proclaimed father above, the dynamic would a lot about Hakuno forcing their Servant to question things they were ok with not understanding, but I think the relationship here would be more balanced than it was with Kagetora.

Nightingale

You probably knew this was coming. I’ve talked about it before. Pairing Hakuno with unambiguously good people is not the best, yeah, but this is a valid exception because she’s my favorite Servant a character directly connected to CCC’s development background and themes, a solid match to Hakuno’s description of an ideal person, and someone exactly as self-destructive as they are. She’s easily my first pick for an additional Hakuno Servant and is only not the first on this list because I didn’t want to open with the odd one out.

Sakamoto Ryouma

Another match to Hakuno’s CCC description of the ideal person. The self-destructiveness is also there, but in a weirder and less direct way than it is with Nightingale. Again, I shouldn’t be assigning them unambiguously good people, but Ryouma is balanced by Oryou’s chaotic energy and the second half of this list already devolved into “characters I like a lot”, so why not.

On the subject of characters I like a lot, Arash fits just as well as Nightingale and Ryouma, but like Okita, he’s off because the dynamic would be too much of a repeat of his dynamic with Elsa.

#type moon #fate extra #kishinami hakuno

[gayroytheory]

why dont you like 2003 roy lol

what’s NOT to dislike!!!!

the thing about roy mustang is that he’s a terrible person who has done unforgiveable things, and so he does not SEEK forgiveness or redemption. he simply seeks to repair the damage he has done, and then to die. but 03 roy is SO open about his guilt! there’s literally a scene where he tries to kill himself because he feels so guilty! that’s not in line with roy’s character at all. like yeah obviously he feels guilty about the shit he’s done, otherwise he wouldn’t have developed a 500 step plan to install democracy and get himself executed, but his guilt is IRRELEVANT. you think the people he killed care if he feels bad about it? no!!! and he knows that

roy is the kind of person who considers feeling sad or guilty or whatever a waste of time. you see it with hughes’ murder - roy doesn’t waste time grieving, he goes straight from the funeral into obsession over solving the case. he springs into action and neglects his own feelings, which isn’t always great, but it is logical in his eyes. roy would never try to kill himself over his guilt. he is saving his death for when it will serve a purpose & set an example

also like…03 roy doesnt even feel guilty about the RIGHT THING. this is a man who has killed thousands of innocent people, aided in a GENOCIDE, and yet the thing that really tears him up is the time he killed 2 nice amestrian doctors. like WHAT??? WHAT????? electric chair!!

moving on from that:

the thing that makes characters interesting is their relationships with other people, and 03 roy’s relationships are either nonexistent or a cheap imitation of mangahood roy’s relationships

roy as a character doesn’t make sense without riza there to balance him out & to provide context for Why He Is Like That, and vice versa, but 03 riza barely even exists. she does not have the tattoo, did not give him the secrets of flame alchemy, does not feel responsible for his atrocities, and is not his childhood friend! for all we know, they met two years ago and she just works for him cuz she’s a masochist who needs a paycheck. without his long and complex history with riza, roy is a completely different character.

his relationship with his team in 03 is a travesty; in mangahood, his team is always ragging on him, and he encourages it! it makes for a more equal relationship, and the fact that they do it in the first place is a sign that they are comfortable with him, and that they trust him. no other commanding officer would EVER let that shit fly, but roy does, cuz he doesn’t want them to be scared of him. it makes them a real team rather than Mustang’s Subordinates.

in 03, HE’S the one ragging on his team. he punches down, so there’s no warmth between them. they don’t trust him, cuz he’s never vulnerable or friendly with them. they obey him cuz he’s their CO but it’s not the comraderie they’re supposed to have

and ED. god.

roy’s relationship with ed is no longer affectionate ribbing but straight up cruelty. a scene that will always stick with me is the part when he comes back to east city after his first meeting with the elrics - the bit where he’s mocking ed, like “it hurt so bad, i almost peed my pants!” BRO WHAT? this is an eleven year old double amputee, freshly traumatized, and you’re gossiping to your adult friends about how much of a wimp he is?

there’s no reluctant friendship between the two of them, there’s no big brother/annoying uncle energy. he’s just mean to ed and ed rightfully hates him

its just like….even if you dont like roy you gotta admit he’s very well written. he’s a really cool & complex morally grey character but 03 took all the parts of roy that make him ROY and threw them in the trash and it makes me angry

#suicide mention #Anonymous

[purplehairedwonder]

Inside a Broken Dream Chapter 5

Fandom: One Piece Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Gen Words: 3617 Characters: Trafalgar Law, Donquixote Doflamingo, Penguin, Jean Bart, Smoker, Tashigi Note: Story title comes from the Vertical Horizon song “Shackled.” Character and relationship tags reflect the current chapter. Obviously this is canon-divergent ;)

Warnings: There is an assault in this chapter. It’s not overtly sexual, but if that bothers you, avoid the italicized section.

Summary: Two years after Wano, peace on the Grand Line is fragile. Trafalgar Law and the Heart Pirates are doing their best to help maintain the peace, but when Doflamingo returns with Law in his sights, the balance of power entirely may shatter entirely.

Previous chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Read also at AO3 / FF.N

Law was so startled by the revelation that he forgot his vulnerable position for a moment, eyes widening. Dying? He could have laughed, except—

“I’m going to fix it?” he echoed in disbelief, brain catching up with the other man’s words. “Why the hell would I do that?”

Doflamingo set his pistol down on the table—Law’s shoulders loosened at that—and reached down to grab Law by the collar and pull him upright in the chair he was bound to.

“For one thing,” he said directly into Law’s face as Law very carefully did not flinch. “It’s your fault.”

“Oh?” Law raised an eyebrow. “As happy as that would make me, when did I—”

“Dressrosa.”

Law blinked, momentarily confused, then recognition struck like lightning. “The Gamma Knife.” That was supposed to be a killing blow—and it would have been against anyone who couldn’t stitch their organs back together with strings. But Doflamingo had said that was merely first aid, not healing. It had been a patch job for the immediate damage to his organs but didn’t account for the—

“You have radiation poisoning,” Law realized. He hadn’t spent much time thinking about the long-term effects of the attack after developing it because he hadn’t considered that someone might survive for more than a few agonizing minutes. But it made sense. Interesting.

Doflamingo rose to his full height, forcing Law to look up at him. “The doctors at Impel Down discovered it not long after I arrived. My unique abilities have kept me alive longer than I had any reason to live.”

“But you’re almost out of time,” Law deduced. Radiation at the level Doflamingo had been exposed to from that attack should have killed him within days, if not hours. That he had lived for two years after the attack was downright miraculous. But even his impressive biology and the creative use of his Fruit couldn’t keep him alive indefinitely.

Doflamingo’s expression tightened, as if it pained him to concede, “Only the Ope Ope no Mi can cure me now.”

For a moment, Law was speechless as he processed what he’d just heard. Suddenly it made sense why Akainu had chosen now to sic Doflamingo on him; he didn’t have any more time to wait if he was going to play that card. But Doflamingo was, as ever, the Joker—a wild card.

And then Law laughed, hard enough that tears formed in his eyes. He knew the laughter was jagged with sharp, unhinged edges to it, but he couldn’t stop himself. It had taken an additional two years—fifteen years since that night—but Law had pulled the trigger after all.

Cora-san…

After several long moments, Law collected himself with no little effort, aware that Doflamingo’s veins were bulging in fury. But Law couldn’t bring himself to care. Doflamingo couldn’t maim the only surgeon in the world who could save him. And Law would need to use his abilities if he were to operate on the former Warlord, so the threat of another Seastone bullet was just that—a threat. Even the one in his shoulder would have had to come out eventually.

“Why,” Law asked, amusement still evident in his voice, “would I help you when I was the one to deal the blow in the first place?” Especially now that Doflamingo knew the truth about that night and Law’s revenge mission.

“For the sake of your crew.”

Law stilled, all traces of humor dissolving. “What?”

“I have two members of your crew in the brig,” Doflamingo reminded him. “How long do you think Penguin and Jean Bart would hold up under torture, Law?” He tapped his chin, feigning thoughtfulness. “I’d bet on Jean Bart outlasting the bird, being a former captain and slave. But maybe he’ll surprise me.”

Fury, now uninhibited by Seastone, uncurled in Law’s chest. “No,” he snarled.

“No?” Now Doflamingo’s tone had turned amused.                              

“They have nothing to do with this.”

“They have everything to do with this,” Doflamingo sneered. “The moment you made them yours, they became mine as well. Because you’ve been mine since you were ten years old, Law. You know what kind of Family we are.”

“You son of a bitch,” Law growled. “You leave them alone.” This is exactly what he’d been afraid of when he’d sent his crew to Zou while he went to Punk Hazard on his own.

“Why would I do that? I know better than to think I could torture you into compliance. I trained you too well for that.” Doflamingo licked his lips in anticipation. “But your crew? I know you never did for them what I did for you.”

Doflamingo was right; he’d never treated his crew the way Doflamingo had treated his Family—valued for their usefulness to the captain. It had taken Cora-san’s death for Law to realize it, but Doflamingo was everything Law didn’t want to be in a leader. The only Donquixote legacy Law wanted to pass on was that of Cora-san.

The thought of Penguin and Jean Bart subjected to the cruelty he knew Doflamingo capable of, Law forced to watch helplessly as they suffered because of him, made Law sick. It was his job as captain to protect his crew.

But he also knew the danger of healing Doflamingo, knew what the man could and would do once he was no longer suffering from the effects of radiation poisoning. Doflamingo couldn’t have much time left if he’d been willing to risk stealing a Marine ship and kidnapping Law in broad daylight. If they could just outlast him…

“And besides the two in the brig,” Doflamingo added, “the rest are sailing right into my arms as we speak.”

Law bit the inside of his cheek, thinking. Though his first instinct was panic, he forced his mind back to logic. Penguin and Jean Bart might be captive, but the rest of his crew was free. They would fight. And if the Straw Hats were also on the way, Doflamingo would be outmatched, even with a ship full of Marines under his control.

“I put my trust in my crew,” Law said finally. “And my allies.”

“Even against a Buster Call?” The retort was immediate, as if Law’s response had been expected. (It probably had been; Law had constantly felt steps behind Doflamingo ever since he’d known the man.)

Law went cold, memories of Flevance surfacing in his mind’s eye unbidden. The gunfire tearing through bodies like paper, the blood flowing like rivers, the heat of the fire that consumed the hospital and Lami, the moans of the dying children he should have been among, the weight of the corpses pressing in on him as he fled…

That hadn’t been a Buster Call, but it had been close enough.

He thought of Nico Robin and the haunted looks that she masked expertly from her crew but never could disguise from Law when he knew them from his own mirror.

He shook himself, trying to force the images from his mind. “What?”

Doflamingo smirked widely. “What do you think Akainu would do if I sent word that I’d lured both the Heart and Straw Hat crews to one place?” He slammed a hand down flat on the table, and Law started, despite himself. The memories had cracked his composure, and he knew Doflamingo had seen it. “It may not be his original plan, but do you think that man wouldn’t take the chance to wipe out the both of you at once?”

“You’d still be dying in that case,” Law countered, swallowing against the bile in his throat.

Doflamingo tilted his head. “Perhaps. But at least I’d be taking you and Straw Hat and your nakama with me.”

The words struck a familiar chord. Law had felt much the same when he’d made his plans for attacking Dressrosa; if he’d died, so be it—as long as Doflamingo’s death was assured in the process. And now their roles were reversed. The power of a man with nothing to lose could be a fearsome thing indeed.

“But it doesn’t have to come to that,” Doflamingo added.

“If I do the operation,” Law supplied flatly.

“It would make things simpler, would it not?”

Law’s eyes narrowed. “My crew will be unharmed.”

“As long as you play your part, they won’t be harmed,” Doflamingo confirmed with a creeping smile that made Law’s skin crawl.

“And the Straw Hats? They are my allies.”

“Don’t push it.”

Law’s hands were clenched so tightly in fists that when he forced himself to loosen them, he found bloody crescent-shaped wounds in his palms. He absently rubbed his hands on his jeans, leaving bloody streaks on his thighs. He could try to push the negotiation further, but knowing Luffy, he wouldn’t care about or stick to a deal Law had struck anyway.

“Fine,” Law decided finally, the words strained. “I will treat the radiation poisoning only.”

He would not be cornered into the other operation. Law didn’t mind dying to protect his nakama, but he wouldn’t unleash an eternally-young and powerful Doflamingo on them—or the world. And he knew his crew and allies wouldn’t accept him making that trade either. It was the one line he wasn’t willing to cross to protect them—at the end of the day, it wouldn’t protect them or anyone else he cared for anyway. He’d even risk the Buster Call for that one.

Doflamingo nodded. “Agreed.” He eyed Law. “But to make sure you don’t get any more smart ideas before we reach Herrenlos, you won’t be leaving my sight.”

Herrenlos. Of course, Law thought as he remembered. It was the name of an island the Donquixote Family kept as a secure outpost in the New World in case they ever needed to flee their current locale. He’d learned all the names and locations of the Family outposts across the four Blues and Grand Line as a child. Law hadn’t thought about any of them in years since Doflamingo had been openly ruling Dressrosa while Law plotted his revenge. He’d asked Tashigi to find out where they were going, and she’d done so.

“Fantastic,” Law muttered.

-----

The longer Law was away, the more Penguin’s worry gnawed at his insides. The three prisoners had been brought their usual scraps for dinner, and when Marines had come to escort them to the bathroom, he’d tried to find out Law’s status but had only gotten an elbow to the gut for his trouble. Once night had fallen and his captain—his friend—still hadn’t returned, Penguin turned restless and started pacing his cell. Though he’d washed his hands in the bathroom, he could still feel Law’s blood on them from removing the bullet, and, though it wasn’t the first time, he’d never get used to that feeling.

“Would you stop before you wear a hole in the floor?” Smoker snapped. “Not all of us can swim.”

Penguin paused and glared at the Vice Admiral. “Easy to say when it’s not your captain being held captive by a madman.”

“No, it’s my partner and my men,” Smoker retorted coldly.

Penguin stiffened. Smoker had been commanding this mission when Doflamingo had taken it over, leaving his men under the string man’s control. And the swordswoman who’d taken Law away was Smoker’s partner; he’d forgotten.

“Right,” he muttered, sliding down against the wall again and burying his face in his collar. He could only be so sympathetic when the man had been leading a mission to capture or kill his captain in the first place.

He knew Law was more than capable of taking care of himself—he was a freaking Emperor—but he also knew there was a long, nasty history between the two former Warlords. And that history had been haunting Law since before Penguin had met him when Law was 13.

Having known Law for as long as he had, Penguin had seen and heard Law’s nightmares, had more than once held him as he came awake with whimpers or shrieks, his body wracked with tremors. He’d seen the haunted look in Law’s eyes, emphasized by the darkening circles under his eyes, and Law’s growing insomnia as he feared sleep, succumbing only when his body gave out from exhaustion. Once the original four Hearts had taken to the sea in the Polar Tang, Penguin had watched as Law stared at the skies and constantly looked over his shoulder, always wary of a flash of pink.

Penguin had also kept a careful eye on his friend once he’d returned from Dressrosa. After Doflamingo’s fall, some of the weight had lifted from Law’s shoulders and some of the shadows had faded from his eyes, but Law had never told even him, Shachi, and Bepo everything that had happened on Dressrosa. More than once, he’d caught Law absently fingering the ugly scar on his arm and flinching at the sight of guns and knew whatever had happened wouldn’t leave him so easily.

Law kept his pain to himself, tried to avoid burdening his nakama no matter how much they wanted to help him carry it—and so to know that Law, no matter how strong he was now, was once more in that man’s hands made Penguin sick.

Sometime during the night—it was impossible to keep track of time in the brig except for the visits of the guards and the sounds of activity above them on deck—the brig door opened. Penguin sat up, hoping to see Law, but it was the swordswoman.

“Tashigi,” Smoker said in surprise.

She put a finger to her lips. “I don’t have much time. I’m supposed to be going to the kitchens, but I took a detour.”

“Where’s Law?” Penguin demanded.

“With Doflamingo.” Penguin’s stomach sank. “As far as I know, he’s unharmed,” Tashigi added quickly, glancing between Penguin and Jean Bart. “But Doflamingo wants to keep an eye on him until we arrive.”

“Arrive?” Jean Bart asked.

“Where are we going?” Smoker prodded.

“An island called Herrenlos.”

Penguin frowned. “What’s that?”

Tashigi shrugged. “I don’t know. But it seemed to mean something to Trafalgar.” She looked at Smoker. “We should arrive sometime tomorrow.”

Smoker nodded thoughtfully. Tashigi, meanwhile, looked between Penguin and Jean Bart.

“Your crew is not far behind us.” She sighed. “Same with the Straw Hats.”

Smoker groaned, but Penguin and Jean Bart perked up. Penguin knew his nakama would come for them, but that they had apparently called the Straw Hats for backup as well was excellent news.

“Do you know what Doflamingo is up to?” Jean Bart asked.

Tashigi shook her head. “He sends me outside the room any time he talks about anything important.”

“Talks with who?” Smoker asked, leaning forward. “Law?”

“Him. And he’s been making calls on the Den Den Mushi.”

Smoker frowned. “Who would he be calling after two years in Impel Down?”

“I don’t know. Old contacts?” Tashigi twitched. “I have to go. Be careful,” she said, turning from the cells and leaving the brig.

“You be careful,” Smoker called after her, sighing as the door clanged shut behind her.

Penguin exchanged looks with Jean Bart. It was good that Law was okay, but that still didn’t answer what Doflamingo wanted him for. He supposed they would find out tomorrow.

He really hoped his nakama would hurry.

-----

Though Law had never been to Herrenlos, he’d seen the maps and base schematics—though that had been nearly two decades earlier. Still, the name had stuck with him; with its name meaning abandoned, the island had sounded haunted to Law when he was a boy. As the Marine vessel pulled into the docks on the island the next afternoon, Law took in the island through the window of the captain’s quarters and thought his younger self had been on the right track.

A rocky outcropping loomed over the beach, which was rocky rather than sandy and was scattered with desert flora. Atop the outcrop was the base—a warehouse with living quarters, from what Law could remember. The base was well-suited to defense from an outside attack… like would be coming from the Heart and Straw Hat crews.

As Law watched, the Marines, some under the control of strings and some moving of their own accord, started unloading cargo from the ship. Whatever items would be useful for stocking up the base, Law assumed.

Law flinched when one large hand came from behind to rest on his right shoulder, the other stroking down the left side of his face, tracing his line of his cheek—a facsimile of tenderness and affection.

“Stop that,” Law snapped then hissed in pain when a finger found its way into the bullet wound on his shoulder. His knees nearly buckled as the finger pressed into the wound, sending a jolt of pain down to his toes and drawing fresh blood, but Doflamingo’s unrelenting grip on his shoulder kept him upright.

“It’s time to go,” Doflamingo murmured into Law’s ear, his breath wet and warm against Law’s skin.

“Fine,” Law said through clenched teeth, gathering himself and turning on his heel. His shackles clanked with his sudden movement. He didn’t look at Doflamingo.

Doflamingo chuckled but let go of his shoulder and followed him. Tashigi was standing outside the door when Law opened it. She glanced back at him in surprise, eyes briefly falling to his left shoulder and blanching, but she was forced to walk half a step behind Law as a guard. Law ignored her reaction and strode forward. Doflamingo followed his two captives.

Neither Law nor Doflamingo slept the night before. For several hours after their tense arrangement had been reached, Law remained tied to the chair, stewing silently, while Doflamingo sat at the desk and looked over papers and maps and scribbled notes. Law very carefully did not think about how much this felt like sitting shackled to the Heart seat in Dressrosa, powerless.

Some time after night had fallen, Law started when he felt the strings confining him to the chair fall away. He looked over at Doflamingo, who had shifted in the desk chair to face Law, and raised an eyebrow. Rather than respond, the other man pointed a finger, and Law was pulled to his feet as a single string wrapped around his shackles and tugged him forward.

Law grimaced but didn’t fight the movement. He didn’t think it was worth picking the battle—not yet. He came to a stop directly in front of Doflamingo, Law’s thighs nearly touching the larger man’s knees. For a long moment, Doflamingo scrutinized Law from behind his glasses. Then he reached one hand, almost tentatively, up to Law’s face. Law inhaled sharply as Doflamingo’s hand cupped his cheek and tried to push back against the touch, but the string was still wrapped around his shackles and kept his hands in front of him.

“W-what—”

The hand slid from Law’s cheek to the back of his neck and fingers lightly brushed through the hair on his nape. Goosebumps erupted under the touch, Law intimately aware that Doflamingo’s large hand could enclose around his throat at any moment. Logically, he knew it wouldn’t because Doflamingo needed him alive, but his body wasn’t reacting to logic.

The fingers suddenly tightened in Law’s hair, and Law’s breath hitched as Doflamingo pulled back, exposing Law’s neck. Law swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and Doflamingo slowly rose to his feet. He leaned over, as if to sniff Law’s exposed neck. Law’s heart hammered in his chest as his position became even more vulnerable.

Maybe he should have picked the battle after all.

“I always knew you’d grow up into something incredible, Law,” Doflamingo murmured.

“Funny,” Law replied, voice unsteady as he focused his gaze on the ceiling. “I didn’t expect to grow up at all.”

There was a huff of laughter against his neck, and Law suppressed a shudder. “I have always been good at cultivating potential.”

Law felt his irritation spike at that. “Yes, such great potential behind bars in Impel Down,” he retorted with a measure of satisfaction.

Doflamingo growled, predictable in his anger at any slight against the Family. The hand in Law’s hair tightened further then Law cried out as he felt a sharp sting in the meat of his left shoulder. His eyes flew wide, and he jerked back as far as he could with the string still attached to manacles. Breathing heavily, he looked down to see a bloody bite mark.

Furious, he glared at the other man. “What the fuck?”

“A reminder of just who you belong to,” Doflamingo simply replied, teeth bloodied as he smirked.

Law’s stomach turned. Doflamingo, seeming satisfied to have made his point, dropped the string from Law’s bindings. Law retreated to the chair at the table, moving only to clean up the wound when Doflamingo had thrown a towel in his direction.

When Law emerged on the deck, he was relieved to see Penguin and Jean Bart, as well as Smoker, standing by the gangplank, guarded by armed Marines.

“Captain!” Penguin called, relieved, as Law approached. His eyes narrowed as he saw the fresh wound on Law’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Jean Bart asked, having noticed it as well.

Law nodded, refusing to give Doflamingo the satisfaction of acknowledging it. “Fine. You two?”

“We’re good,” Penguin said, and Jean Bart nodded in confirmation.

“As touching as this little reunion is,” Doflamingo drawled, “it’s time to go.”

The Marine guards jerked into motion and grabbed Penguin, Jean Bart, and Smoker, pushing them toward the gangplank. Law and Tashigi followed, with Doflamingo bringing up the rear.

#Caitlin's fic #One Piece fanfiction #One Piece fanfic #Trafalgar Law #Donquixote Doflamingo #Heart Pirates

[fanficparker]

Forelsket | Tom x Haz one-shot

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Tom Holland

Word count: 4.25k words

Warnings: Swearing, angst, anxiety, mentions of sexual abuse

Summary: Tom is a troubled teen. He can’t write his papers, he’s on the verge of failing his exam until a stranger slid his paper for him to copy.

_____________________

(Written in Tom's POV)

I looked into the microscope. The patch on the display was blotchy and green with some pink dots. I don't remember seeing anything like this in previous lab sessions ever. Or maybe I missed the class when we prepared this particular slide. But my page was still empty except for my name, roll number and date. I couldn't recognize the previous four slides too. Just three more are left. There was no doubt I ruined my theory exam and now I will ruin the practical too. There was no hope for me to pass this exam.

If I fail... Maybe... Maybe they'll send me back to Chris. And it's the last thing I ever want on Earth to happen.

I gulped slowly. It was painful. My throat felt dry. I wanted to drink water but I only have limited time to finish this paper and the page in front of me is completely blank. My stomach crumbled painfully. Now I could even taste the bile in my mouth. The next I could feel were my eyes getting wet.

God, I can't cry right in front of my whole fucking class. I let my eyes wander around the students. My gaze fell on the paper next to me.

Beautiful diagrams and a detailed description of the slides.

If he's not seeing then maybe I can copy. I held my breath and scribbled on my paper as fast as I can. Half of his paper was covered by his hand while he was looking into his microscope. I tried my best to copy the visible portion. His head bent at the paper to write the answer for the next question. His blue eyes met mine. My heart dropped.

I haven't copied enough to pass yet. I looked at him hopefully and sorry. He looked at my paper. I felt so ashamed, weak, dumb and guilty— not the best combination of obscure feelings all at the same time.

He slid his paper towards me and smiled.

I blinked in disbelief.

"Return it to me in ten minutes at microscope number seven," he whispered and shifted to the next specimen, carefully observing and writing the conclusion in the extra sheet.

I took in a sharp breath, remembered God and ran my pen on my paper. I changed the text structure and numbering a little bit. Five questions were enough for me to pass in aggregate.

When I got to the sixth specimen I had written enough to pass and slid his paper back to him, mumbling a thank you. He simply nodded like it was nothing. He again smiled at me. The kind of smile that made his clear blue eyes shiny and corners crinkle.

I wished I knew how to smile like that. I returned him a smile, surely not even one percent of the brightness of his. He stapled the pages together and moved to deposit the papers like most of the other students and walked out of the lab.

I had read his name on the paper— Harrison John Osterfield.

***

From that day on, I observed that he was pretty famous in our boarding school, always in the good books of the teachers. He studied in the other section and lived in hostel number five.

I didn't stalk him, he was just one of those people who were way too visible on the school campus. I have seen him setting up posters, sitting in the cafeteria, library, park and almost everywhere on the campus. Sometimes he would be walking around the gardens, headphones tucked in his ears, sometimes he would be sitting on the bench reading a book or sometimes doing his homework in the library.

I don't know if he noticed me. I am surely not that visible.

But one other thing that I noticed was that every time I saw him, he was mostly alone.

There was a difference between us.

He was alone but not lonely. I was alone and lonely.

He seemed to enjoy his company. And I was asking myself why I was even alive.

I studied till four in the morning almost every day but couldn't even remember a bloody terminology. It was like the words hated me. I surely hated them too but had no choice. I was stuck with them and they refused to stay with me.

Most of my nights were also spent silently weeping under my covers while everyone in my room was asleep. I used to wake up and see the tear stains on my white pillow covers. The only thing consistent in my life.

But today I washed the covers too.

***

I got to know that he was also a member of the club- The Inkers. Basically the group of smart students. They represented the school in debates, quizzes and other stuff.

And here I was reading the exact same page of my physics textbook for the third time. My mind keeps dozing off.

If...

What if...

What if I ask him to help me?

I shook off the desire and wiped my eyes. The tears were blurring my vision as they always do.

Electromagnetic induction... I began reading. I can't understand the equation, no matter how much I try.

I pushed the book aside, switched off my table lamp and got inside the covers. My eyes were too dry to continue with my daily night routine. I hope I won't see tear marks on the fresh pillow covers this time.

***

I found myself standing outside the room assigned for 'The Inkers'. The club name was written in bold on the door which was half-opened.

I could see students sitting, walking, talking, interacting. This place was definitely not meant for me. I then saw him. He was talking to a group of students. Seemed like he was instructing them.

His smile was still so bright and he talked with his hands while tucking at the end of his jacket ever so often. Everything he does added to his style and charm.

He looked so approachable. Yet I failed to approach him.

I clenched my books tighter and walked away.

This became more like a routine. As the exams came nearer, I found myself walking across 'The Inkers' more often but never dared to knock at the door.

Weirdly, I had stopped crying myself to sleep, hoping the next day I'll ask him for help in studies and he'll help me.

My interactions with him were all in my sleep, in my dreams. I'd smile remembering my time with him even if it was in my imagination. I imagine him sitting across me, explaining me the weird exceptions in inorganic chemistry or explaining the key features of bryophytes or telling me a trick to learn the concept of electromagnetic induction.

***

I remember his smile. I remember his blue eyes. I remember how clear and shiny they were. I remember how his cheeks pushed up and made those eyes crinkle.

I remember how his lips curved when he was giving the speech on Renaissance literature. I remember how his expressions hardened, how he tried to contain his sadness and anger when talking about things like climate change, animal cruelty and so on.

I attended all the debates and speech competitions in which he participated this month, sitting at the back seat seeing him, hoping he doesn't see me.

He was an amazing orator. The way his voice carried his emotions was extremely heart-touching. He could make everybody feel what he felt.

I got a 'B+' in my E-waste management essay. I still can't believe. I heard his debate on the topic and... Wow. The teacher was impressed by me. I didn't feel vulnerable for the first time. I loved that feeling.

***

He even interacts with the audience and told about himself. He told us that he wasn't good at learning facts, so quizzes weren't his thing. He liked subjective things, movies, novels and wanted to become an actor.

An actor?

Can you believe?

I thought he'll tell me something like a doctor or scientist. But he wants to become an actor.

How amazing is that.

***

Next month, he stared in our school play.

I attended the recitation of the Twelfth Night. He was actually the main lead.

God! When he said, "If music be the food of love, play on," I declared myself to be his number one fan!

The way he said it. God! It was so... so... so... amazing!!!

I don't think he saw me but I was the first one who stood up as the curtains fell and clapped and cheered. For him.

I cheered?

Can you believe?

***

I was again standing outside 'The Inkers.' I peeked my head a little to find him but I couldn't find him today. I sighed and turned at my feet, only to collide with someone. My books fell on the floor. Before I could even utter an apology, the person crouched down to collect my books. My eyes met with those same pair of blue eyes. So clear. So shiny.

His smile reached his eyes seeing me while I suspected my heart-beat was non-existent right now. He quickly picked up my books and stood straight, pushing his curls out of his face.

"Hi! How are you doing?" He asked. His voice was so friendly and cheerful that it was almost like he was booming.

But 'how am I doing?' Isn't it something a person asks an acquaintance. Does he still remember me? Remember me as the dumb kid who copied his paper?

"Alexi said she saw you here often. I was actually going to ask you. Glad I met you here," He smiled even more.

"I... uh... yea-yeah." I stuttered the response.

Our confidence level was on the opposite ends of an irregularly weighted beam balance.

"Do you want to join the club?" He asked looking at the signboard and then back at me. The smile was still sticking to his lips.

Me? The club?

If it was the thirteen century then the club belonged to the nobility and I was a poor commoner.

"No." I chuckled trying to hide my embarrassment.

He looked confused. I tightened my fists and swallowed slowly before speaking— "I-I wanted some help in class. Thought if anyone could---"

He didn't let me finish and spoke instead.

"You should have told me early! Just three weeks to finals." He said as his expressions changed from cheerful to panicky in seconds.

How does he know I needed that sort of big help? Can't I ask just him a single question, why will three weeks' time be less?

But he let me copy his paper. The paper my peers claimed was too easy. Maybe he remembers how dumb I was.

His bottom lip quivered for a second then he spoke again, "Don't worry we'll manage. What subject you want help in?"

I gulped again and bit my lower lip.

He looked at me, curiously waiting for the answer.

"All," I said. I could hear my own voice sounding screechy. My gaze fell on my shoes.

I was so embarrassed. Maybe even ashamed. He didn't speak for a minute and then he sighed.

"No problem, we will get it done!" He stated confidently and patted my shoulder. My head shot up to look at his determined yet soft emotions. My heart felt like it was over-filling with warmth. I couldn't stop my lips to curl into a small smile.

"Thank you so much," I thanked him genuinely, he shrugged it off. I stretched my right hand for a handshake, "I am--"

"Tom. I know," He answered cutting me mid-sentence, "And I'm---"

"Harrison. I know," I said almost imitating his style.

He laughed shaking my hand. I laughed seeing him laughing. Maybe it was the heartiest laugh I have ever produced in years. I couldn't even stop smiling when the laughter subsided.

"When should we start?" He asked.

"As per your convenience."

"Let's first go for lunch. It's already lunchtime."

He wanted me to accompany him to the eating area. I nodded following him.

We sat on the bench and started eating our meals. He was eating as if he was hungry for a long time. And I was just somehow managing to push my food down my oesophagus with water.

"So, I'll collect all my notes today and we can meet tomorrow morning here for breakfast and then we'll plan your studies." He said, biting the carrot.

"Ah... Okay," I replied looking down at my plate. I still can't believe that he's talking to me and even going to help me with exams.

If it was a dream, I don't want it to end ever.

***

"Where's your breakfast tray?" He asked when we settled on the bench.

"I-I don't eat breakfast."

"What do you mean you don't eat breakfast? Why will you not eat breakfast?" He was surprised.

"I don't feel hungry in the morning," I said the truth.

"What?! We ate dinner at eight last night. It's already nine in the morning. You have to eat it. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" He preached.

"I can't develop a habit of eating breakfast just like that," I defended, pressing my lips together.

"You should start with fruits. I have an apple in my backpack." He said taking out the said apple and handling me to eat.

I did eat it (half). And by the lunchtime I was hungry.

How weird is this human body? I never felt hungry when I used to skip breakfast and when I finally ate, I am already hungry.

After breakfast, attending our classes and having lunch, he took me to 'The Inkers.' He introduced me to the other club members as his 'friend'.

We sat on the corner and he took out his notes.

"So, for what purpose, are you going to study?" He asked. I was confused at first but then answered—

"To pass the exams," I said and surprisingly I didn't feel ashamed this time.

He divided the chapters in our books. He collected important terms and asked me to focus on only them rather than the complete syllabus. He made me flow charts and venn diagram. He explained me everything like a story. He never judged me when I couldn't answer or understand.

We continued to eat and study together daily. After the first week, we even started to hang out together. He made me hear his favourite songs. I loved his music choice. He taught me to maintain a balance on the skateboard. He told me about him, his family, his dog, his ambitions. He asked me to do the same, I shrugged it off saying, "Not much" or "Nothing exciting."

***

Harrison praised my answers. He said my writing style was very organic. I don't even know what it meant but he surely loved reading whatever I wrote. I showed him my middle-school poetry book and he made me read everything on it multiple times. I hope his interest was genuine.

He even asked me to call him 'Haz' instead of 'Harrison'.

He kept telling me things. I loved listening to him. I loved when he snaked his arm around my shoulder. I loved the way he said my name. I loved his face, his eyes, his voice, his confidence, his generosity, his patience, his intelligence, everything about him.

I may even be in love with him.

***

On Sundays, I used to go to the forgotten pet centre near our school. It was the only thing I liked about my life (except for Harrison, but it's just the latest addition). I love playing with those cute puppies. I never told anyone about it but I literally asked him if he wants to accompany me there.

You should have looked at his face! He was so excited, he hugged me so tight and couldn't stop giggling.

"You should have told me earlier, Holland! You have no idea how much I love dogs. I even have a super sweet dog back at home." He told me.

We played with the dogs and ate ice-cream. We laughed and talked so much. I don't even know why he's sticking with me, but he said he liked the way I talk and I should talk more often. He didn't stop there, he took me to a nearby fare. We enjoyed some rides and even got in for a fun photoshoot.

I cried that night. But those were tears of joy. I had a friend and he was fricking amazing.

***

Exams were over.

And I am sure I have done better than just passing. But I am sad. It's the end of the year, the Christmas break. He'll be gone to his home and I'll be all alone, again. Or worse— I will have to go to Chris's place for the holidays.

I sighed looking up at the blank night sky.

"Hey yo, mate. How were your exams?" Harrison asked, plopping down beside me, looking up at the sky.

"Your courtesy. Can't thank you enough." I said, looking at his face. He nodded still looking at the sky, giving me an opportunity to stare at his wonderful features. He did have some bad teen breakouts on his face. I do too. Yes, they weren't pretty. Acne isn't pretty but I don't think everything about a person needs to be pretty. People can be beautiful regardless of not being perfectly pretty.

And Harrison is beautiful.

My eyes landed on his slightly parted lips. I wondered how it would feel to kiss them. I licked my suddenly drying lips.

"You up for Christmas holidays?" He asked, turning his face to look at me. I averted my gaze to the ground beneath.

"I... I dunno," I replied, pulling my legs near to my chest.

There was a pause. It felt like he would say something but he didn't. I spoke instead.

"I don't want to go to uncle's," I told him the secret I never tell anyone. He looked at me confused.

"He... He is not a good man," I said as my throat felt choking and tears started to well up and suddenly I started feeling so dirty.

Harrison's expressions turned serious, he shifted a bit closer to me. He snaked his arm around my shoulders and dragged me closer to his body. He let me rest my head on his shoulder. That's when I realised that I was crying.

"Talk to me, Tom," Harrison insisted softly as his fingers combed through my hairs.

I started weeping harder, he pushed me closer and engulfed me into a real tight hug.

"You are safe here, Tom. You shouldn't be afraid. Tell me." He kept repeating while his hands caressed my back. I had grabbed his sweater in my fist and was badly sobbing into the material. I will surely ruin the delicate fabric.

He let me sob silently for a while. And when he realised that I had stopped crying, he pulled himself away, then he rested his fingers below my chin and lifted it to meet his gaze.

His eyes seemed glossier.

"Do you trust me?"

I nodded. He waited for me to tell the whole thing.

"He used to t-touch me in wrong ways when I was younger," I confessed, embarrassed. I wanted to look down, away from his gaze but my chin was still fixed on the spot by his fingers.

I first thought that he's also going to cry. But then I saw his pained, empathetic expressions changing into hard angry ones. And suddenly his face radiated so much anger that I had to move back. His hand fell on the grass as he clenched them into a fist. He stood up.

"You'll come with me. Start packing your bags. I'll tell my parents. You will never ever have to see that asshole's face again. That bloody bastard. Eww. Fucking disgusting! He'll regret what I'll do to him. How dare he?!!!!" Harrison growled angrily. "Pack your bags. Mum will take us to our home on Saturday." He ordered almost rushing away but I stood up and grabbed his arm.

"You can't tell your parents," I said, terrified.

"I fucking will! That bastard will be in jail!" He almost yelled.

"No. No. You can't." I begged him, tugging him towards me.

"Are you an idiot Tom? He raped you. Multiple times! You're not even an adult, yet!" He jerked his hand away from my grip.

"He hasn't done that for years---"

"That doesn't forgive or change anything!"

"It's-it's my life. You don't have to make decisions for me!" I yelled this time. He froze and blinked at me.

"What?" He said coming closer, his expressions suddenly softening.

I didn't reply.

"He is the reason why you are broken, Tom. I can see the damage. I don't understand why you don't see---"

"I know that I am damaged. But it won't fix anything," I said, tears spilling down my face.

He came closer and cupped my face in his hands. He softly wiped off my tears with his thumbs. He bent down a little to see directly into my eyes.

"Would you have let him go if I was at your place?" He asked, his voice soft yet demanding. My breath was stuck in my throat but he didn't let the question slip away.

"You are my best friend in the world Haz," I answered honestly.

"And you are more than that to me."

My heart crumbled like a piece of paper. None of us spoke for minutes, just stood there on the same spot, motionless. I swallowed slowly, taking in a breath.

"It's... It's just... High school crush."

I couldn't believe my own words but he rolled his head back and laughed.

I waited for him to stop laughing. He did, and his expressions again turned serious.

"Time will tell that. But the main thing is... No one deserves what you suffered. And he needs to be punished. That's justice. And to be honest, if you were even a complete stranger to me, I would have said the same thing."

Well... He has too many reasons to be my high school crush.

I nodded in understanding. I should stop saving that evil Chris. Harrison is right.

"So you are coming with us? You can forget that more than friends thing, we'll talk about it later or maybe never, as per your wish. And definitely sexual orientation." He said rubbing his neck.

I thought for a minute.

"But... I... I am a boy. It's very shameful to admit that I was raped---"

"If anyone should be ashamed, it's your ugly uncle. Being a boy or a girl won't change the crime. You shouldn't be ashamed." He stated and again pulled me into a hug.

"You should never be ashamed. Never." His voice cracked and I knew that he was the one crying now. I placed my hands on his torso and pulled myself off his chest.

I looked at his tear-stained face. I wanted to grab his face and plant kisses all across it. But all I felt were his hands again holding my face. He brought his face down and planted a kiss on my forehead, his lips lingered on the spot for a few seconds, whispering the word 'Never'. When he parted, I didn't even waste a single minute and grabbed his face.

I crashed my lips into his. His lips were sandwiched between mine. I slowly and gently sucked on them as his hands travelled to hold my waist. He let out a small moan and my heart fluttered like a butterfly. When I broke the kiss, his eyes were still closed and mouth half-open. His chest was rising and falling with every breath he inhaled and exhaled. It felt as if the kiss wasn't yet over for him.

I don't know why but I was also breathing heavily. His lips slowly curved into a small smile and his eyelids half-opened.

"You know you are my first kiss, Tom?" He said slowly as if he was satisfied.

"I wish I could say the same for you," I said but with a sad smile. His hand moved from my waist to my face. He slowly pushed away the fallen curls on my forehead.

"It doesn't matter." He leaned towards me, his breath lingering on my lips.

"It's the first time I am going to kiss someone. Please don't mind if it's not that good." He whispered. His words only made my heart go even more crazy.

He softly attached his lips to mine. I felt his throbbing heartbeat in his chest and his firm stature. I pulled his face closer to mine, he moaned again, his mouth slightly parted. I swiped my tongue over his bottom lip. He took in a sharp breath.

I loved how his body reacted to everything I did. I never felt this crazy in my life. So... so... so... crazy. Kissing Harrison Osterfield was crazy and him kissing me back was even crazier. Who knew he could get this nervous and cute?

When he finally broke the kiss, I couldn't stop but kiss his pink, flushed cheeks.

"I feel crazy." He said giggling.

"Same."

"You'll come with us?"

"No doubt on that."

I smiled and looked at the sky. It was still empty but my heart was full of warmth.

Was it how it feels to fall in love?

Crazy... Crazy... Crazy...

I love crazy...

*THE END*

______________________

A/N: Everyone- your likes, comments & reblogs mean a lot to me. Love you guys. I know this pairing isn't getting me much notes but still I wanted to write this and I genuinely enjoyed writing this. Thanks for everyone who supported me. It gave me strength to write what I desire. Thank you so much guys.

Add yourself to the Tom x Haz fic column of my regular taglist (link on my bio/profile description) or send me an ask if you wanna see more content like this.

#tom holland #Harrison Osterfield #haz Osterfield #tom holland x harrison Osterfield #harrison osterfield x tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harrison osterfield fanfic #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #harrison osterfield imagine #gay #lgbt #fanfiction #torrison #taz #tarrison #hollerfield #tomhaz #tom x haz

[bazzpop]

Like lightning down my spine 3

(*whispers* magic zaps anon again ;)! Have a holiday gift ;)! Enjoy!

For Previous installments: Part 1 - Part 2)

Their fingertips idly traced the contours of his lips as they looked at him. "Yes. Please. If I'm allowed one, my love", he breathed. A blush crept across their features and for a fleeting moment, he caught a glimpse of them when they reversed roles. When it was he who held their reins, if ever briefly. 

But just like that, they settled back into the present. Both of them knew what just happened, and they gave him a sultry smile, any hint of that moment erased. "Undo your buttons, doctor." Julian didn't know how fast his hands went for the first button, but they immediately pressed themself against him, trapping his hands between their bodies. Their lovely lips hovered nearly touching his, and he felt their breath as they sighed additional instructions against his lips. "Slowly, doctor." An apology spilled out of him halfway before they cut him off by taking his mouth again. The pressure on his hands eased just a little, allowing him to undo his shirt, slowly, as instructed. Their hands slid up from where they had rested, going from his knees towards the insides of his thighs, achingly close to where he'd rather have them, but not close enough. Clambering onto his lap was their next move. He made space for them, their knees settling outside his legs and forcing his closer together. Their thumbs were teasing him through the fabric, and he whined and moaned as quietly as he could at the frustrating minimal touch.    

... But... if he leaned back a little... maybe he could entice them to follow him... So he did just that, leaning back a little... And they leaned his way, for they were just as eager. They just had better self-control... And he leaned back just a little more... Aaand almost tipped them both out of the chair, when they shifted their weight too far forwards. 

They both flailed wildly, the chair creaking dangerously, but they managed to regain a precarious balance. For a moment, they looked at one another, frozen stiff and eyes wide with shock in anticipation of the fall that in their minds was still going to occur any second now. However, when aside from their breathing calming down, nothing else happened, he was the first to throw them a grin, making them stifle an outburst. 

"Dammit Julian! What were you trying to do, you doof?", they whispered in a giggle. He put up his hands and gestured at his crotch. "I had- well, still have, a big problem in my pants?", he feigned innocently, complete with fluttering eyelashes. They pursed their lips, but weren't able to completely wipe away their amusement. "Hmm, yes, that does look like a problem", they conceded, with mock concern, slowly closing their fist around the fabric of his shirt. They tugged at it, making him sit up as they scooted themself flush against him. Julian closed his eyes at the contact, strangling his moan as best as he could. He reached for them and bucked up against them for some friction... 

Or at least, he tried. His love giggled quietly. "Hm?" He opened an eye, looking down. Glowing, pale blue ropes of light twisted around his limbs, holding him in place. One eyebrow quirked up and was met with one of their own, in addition to a slowly spreading wicked grin and flush across their cheeks, as they slowly ground against him. "Your cruelty knows no bounds, my darling", he gritted through his teeth, as they emphasized his point by grinding down on him. They muffled a laugh and whispered: "Punishment for getting ahead of yourself, my dear doctor". Whatever clever retort he had was swallowed up by their mouth pressing against his once more. If that hadn't stopped him, they slipped their tongue in his mouth during the languid kiss. Soon, he only felt a growing frustration down his pants, coming to a head. 

But oh... his darling truly was cruel today. They knew when he was getting close to release, and opted to deny him. And he knew deserved it. Whining against their warm lips as they left his, Julian felt them scoot off of him. He watched as they neatly cleared his desk of paperwork and patient files, seating themself on the cleared surface, facing him. They crossed their legs, and slowly hiked up the fabric of a pants leg, revealing knee-high black boots, and started playing with the lip of said boots. Before he had a chance to say anything, they bend forward, tapping their finger tips against his lips, and setting his lips abuzz with a light current. In a haze of frustration, he looked at them again, at their lips, swollen from kissing him. "You like my boots, don't you, doctor?", they asked, followed by that devilish grin. "Would you be so kind as to unlace me?", they continued, reaching out with the tip of their boot, lightly caressing his cock through his pants, before settling them on his thigh. "I'd like a little more comfort." 

Julian smirked, bending down towards the knot. Thank goodness they choose to go with an easier knot to undo compared to last time. Holding their gaze, he kissed the leather, making his way towards the knot. Taking one end between his teeth, he bit down and tugged it apart. He then patiently bit and tugged loose the laces until one of their boots was loose enough to slip off, all the while holding their gaze. "Next boot, if you will", he grinned, waggling his eyebrows. 

They obliged him, but not before making him utter a low groan by repeating the gesture of touching him with the tip of their boots. "That was rather rude", he tutted. Their grin widened. "I'll make it up to you. After you unlace me", they said, licking their lips. An eyebrow shot up and he set to undoing the other knot, and loosening the other pair of laces at his leisure, under the watchful gaze of his darling. Once he was done, they got off his desk, and made their way to him again, kissing him deeply. 

They left him gasping for air once they were done ravaging his mouth, and slowly kissed, bit, nipped, and zapped their way down his throat, down his chest, down his abs... coming to a stop at the border of his pants. He kept watch over their progress, looking down as they undid his belt. He felt, rather than saw them tug at the fabric and metal keeping his pants buttoned and zippered around his waist. The moment his cock sprang free from its confines, his darling, on their knees, mouthed an 'oh!', their warm exhale a tease of what's likely to come.

#submission #magic zaps anon #julian devorak #julian the arcana #julian x apprentice #julian x reader #lemon #OOOOOOOO

[vanity-wagon]

Your guide to “What’s acne?”

Acne is a skin issue everyone at some stage of life deals with. Not having a 100% control of your body can dwell in an emotional struggle to stay in and hide while you strive to find the perfect cure. Step out of this mental and physical hurdle and read about acne, scars, why they happen and how they can be treated. 

What is acne?

Acne is a universal skin condition that happens when our skin becomes exposed to dust particles, oil, or gets infused with dead skin cells.

Acne is a very common problem mostly with teenagers during their puberty but that doesn’t mean it stops just there! Acne is also a condition for adults where mostly it is hormonal but not so easy to dump.

What causes acne?

That’s not rocket science as acne is a familiar issue in all our lives and we all have faced it once or more in our lives.

These usual reasons are mainly what acne results of:

When our skin produces excess oils it starts causing acne.

Hair follicles or dead skin cells are one of the major reason! They get get clogged in our skin and the impurities lead to acne.

Hormonal acne is never the one to stay longer! It comes and goes on the basis of the changes that our body goes through!

Bacterial acne happens when our skin is exposed to dust or pollution and that curates acne as it disturbs our skin.

How to get rid of acne?

 That’s a very frequently asked question to all the skin experts. The ideal answer would be that it depends on ‘what type of skin reacts to what type of treatment’. 

1. Medical Procedure

There can be medical procedures such as lasers as well as antibiotics that are prescribed by the doctors to control your acne. But there are always pros and cons to this method.

 2. Medications

Usually, when acne is uncontrollable, people tend to get finicky and start acting out, experimenting their skin to all types of treatments. One can always use their doctor’s advice to take medications that help finish the acne problem from within and refrain them from reoccurring.

3. Home Remedies

Out of all, nothing works wonders such as natural and home remedies. You can always test and use ingredients that are non-reactant to your skin and apply them to cure acne. Some of them are Ingredients like:

Tea Tree Oil - Tea tree oil contains terpene, a typical oil that kills the bacteria on the skin hence protecting it.

Neem - Neem helps your skin in regulating the oil production in its pores and balancing it out.

Turmeric - Turmeric helps destroy the acne-causing bacteria and also removes the excess oil from the skin.

Honey & Cinnamon- The anti-inflammatory properties of Cinnamon & Honey helps balance the bacteria on your skin, which makes it a great product to use for acne.

You can always find many more remedies in your grandmother’s secret box!

4. Natural Beauty Products

Vilvah Store Cold Pressed, Organic Argan Oil

This natural oil improves combats acne in the best ways, fights against damaged hair, and can be used as a leave-in conditioner.

Iremia Raushan Ayurvedic Face Mask

Best known for battling black spots & pimples this face mask is great for retaining the natural shine & texture, keeping your skin healthy!

Juicy Chemistry Organic Face Wash for Acne Prone and Oily Skin with Hemp, Tea Tree and Neem

Made solemnly with all-natural and toxin-free ingredients this face wash clears out the impurities settled deep into your skin and helps in healing and calming acne-prone skin.

How to prevent acne?

Getting rid of acne for life long can involve a lot of efforts but with obvious ever-lasting results.

One should definitely include lifestyle changes as one of the major goals while planning to get rid of acne because your daily habits explain a lot about the health and hygiene of your body and skin.

Probably the most useful lifestyle change one can make is to never pick or squeeze pimples because that worsens the case leaving scars that you might never be able to eliminate.

One should start adapting to natural and clean beauty products that do not mix up with your skin’s oil and form

Cleansing and exfoliating are one of the best ways to clear out the impurities from the skin on a daily basis leaving you with a healthy skin which is not likely to be prone to acne.

One cannot stop oil glands from producing oil but it is possible to get rid of oil on the surface of the skin as many times as we can. This becomes a     habit and sooner or later it becomes your way out to healthy skin.

As any skincare expert would suggest, our skin is the reflection of our health and lifestyle.

When it’s about our skin, what we eat and put on our skin affects it forever, so be cautious in your daily habits and you never know you might be leading yourself to a long-lasting healthy-looking skin.

  To enlighten yourself with the kind of damage Sun Tan causes to your skin & how to protect yourself from it check out our article at https://vanitywagon.in/blogs/vanity-blog/say-bye-to-that-suntan

About Vanity Wagon

Vanity Wagon is an exclusive online market and informative place for all your beauty needs and issues. Created with the aim of changing our audience’s perspective towards beauty and helping them know the importance of clean and sustainable beauty, we have come a long way and have been creating an impact over the country.

One-stop-shop for all your skin and hair care solutions, we believe in trying and testing our products before we offer it to our audience. With that, we firmly stand by the rules of going cruelty-free and eco-friendly.

 Read more of our blog posts on the skin, hair concerns & more at  https://vanitywagon.in/blogs/vanity-blog

For more information about skin problems write to us at [email protected]

Shop natural and clean beauty products at www.vanitywagon.in

#acne #vanitywagon #cleanbeauty #organicbeauty #natural beauty

[melodiouswhite]

Say it with flowers!

He blinked confusedly at the huge, colourful bouquet of flowers shoved into his face. "What the hell is this?", he asked the person offering him the bouquet. The taller, black-haired man frowned. "A bouquet of flowers, obviously. That's a ridiculous question, even from you, Hyde." "I see that, but you do know, that I'm not the kind of man, who-" "It's for both you and Jekyll", the other interrupted him impatiently. "Now shut up and take the damn flowers!" Then he shoved the bouquet into Hyde's arms and ran off. Now that was uncharacteristic for him. Was he in a hurry? The brunette frowned, then balanced the bouquet in one arm, to get out his key and open the door.

"Hey, Jekyll!", he called out, as soon as he was in their lab. "What the heck just happened?" At once, the distorted image of his other half appeared on one of the glass cabinets. "I don't know, Hyde." "Do you think he put something in that bouquet? Something poisonous, or-" Jekyll laughed: "Don't be silly, Hyde! Like he would do that!" "He did look pretty miffed." "You would've been miffed too, if you caught him coming home from a night of visiting the coffee houses*." There was no arguing with that. Hyde had spent a fun night, as usual, when he returned to Jekyll's home.  But tonight, as he was approaching the backdoor to Jekyll's lab, it had happened like a replay of their first meeting, that he met with Mr. Gabriel John Utterson, Jekyll's lawyer. Who currently also happened to be the lover of both of them. Now one might think, that he would be faithful to his lover, but Edward Hyde wasn't someone for monogamy, even though he was extremely possessive of Utterson and ready to murder everyone, who coquetted with his lawyer.  Utterson didn't seem to mind, or if he did, he never expressed it. It would have been pointless anyway. But still, what had that just been about? "Still though, what's with these stupid flowers? What am I supposed to do with them?" "I think he wants to tell you - us, something with them. It's popular to exchange words through flowers. But don't ask me what flower means what, I really don't remember." Hyde thought for a moment. Maybe some of the servants would know the meaning of the flowers … oh, like hell would he admit to a servant of Jekyll's, that he didn't know something!  What time was it anyway? He looked at the grandfather clock at the opposite wall. It was midnight. Huh … it's not as late as I thought. Suddenly, he had an idea. "Hyde? What are you doing?", Jekyll questioned, when Hyde slipped back into his coat, "You've had your fun for tonight, where else would you want to go at this hour-HYDE!!!" "Calm down, Jekyll", the brunette giggled, "I'm just going to your study! I need to use your new telephone." Then he leapt out of the window, with the flower bouquet tucked in his coat. "Was zur Hölle-?!**", Lady Summers grumbled, when her telephone rang, just as she had been about to retire.  With a sour expression, she took up the receiver. "Hello?" "Hello, this is Edward Hyde speaking", he timidly spoke into the telephone. He had never used the apparatus before and wasn't quite sure as to how it worked. So he was relieved, when he heard the Prussian's mellow, faintly lisping voice answer, albeit slightly distorted by the receiver. "Ah, Mister Hyde! What a surprise! I hope you have a good reason to call me at this time, I was about to retire." "It won't be long", he assured her, "I just wanna know something. Hark, I just met Gab- Mr. Utterson and he gave me a bouquet of flowers." For a few seconds Lady Summers didn't answer and Hyde wondered, if there was something wrong with the telephone. But then he heard her amused chuckle. "Well, that doesn't sound like a problem to me!" "But Jekyll says that this could be a message and that the flowers have meanings. But he doesn't know what meaning, that's why I'm calling you." "Oh, I see. Well, don't you worry, I'm an expert on floriography! First off, if he gives you a bouquet of flowers, it usually means, that he loves you very much and wants you to be the only one to know." Hyde snorted: "As if. He's my bed-fellow, nothing more. And Jekyll and I already are the only ones who know - well, except for you and Lanyon." He heard Jekyll snort in his head, which overlapped with Lady Summers' giggle.  "You keep telling yourself that, Mr. Hyde", she chortled, "But back to your flower bouquet. Tell me what the flowers are and I'll reveal, what he means to tell you." "To me and Jekyll." "Oh?" "Yes, the bouquet is for both of us, he said." "Interesting. Then I hope the doctor is listening?" "I am", Jekyll whispered in his head. "He is", he informed the Lady. "Good. Now, tell me what flowers there are." Hyde opened the ribbon and lay the flowers out on the table next to him. It sure was a colourful assortment. Jekyll, I don't know all of the flowers. "Don't worry, I'll help you with the ones you don't know." "So it seems every flower in this bouquet is there twice. One for Jekyll and one for me, I guess." "Go on." He picked up the first two flowers, two fragrant lilies. "I have here two lilies." "What colour?" "Orange." "Oh." Her voice sounded surprised. "Go on." "Wait, what does it mean?" "I'll tell you in the end. Go on and don't forget to give me the colour with the sort of flower. The meaning of a flower also depends a lot on the colour", the Prussian explained. Hyde was worried at her tone, but continued: "Two yellow carnations …" "Huh …" "Two geranium flowers …" The Lady snorted audibly. "Two marigolds …" "Oh. Oh dear …" Hyde picked up two flowers that looked like hyacinths - but since when could hyacinths be yellow? "They can be", Jekyll told him, "They're just not that easy to get your hands on." "Alright, I also have two yellow hyacinths." "Not surprising at this point", the Lady replied. Hyde, by now thoroughly annoyed by her dry commenting, continued: "Then I have two daffodils and two petunias. That's all for now." "I see … uhm …" "Well?", he growled impatiently. Her answer came rather hesitantly: "Mr. Hyde … I'm afraid he wants to say - pardon my French - 'You're bloody arseholes and I can't stand you'." Hyde almost dropped the receiver. "In flower?!", he cried incredulously. "In flower", Lady Summers confirmed. She didn't sound like she was joking. Jekyll was dead silent in his head, obviously just as shocked as he was. For a few minutes not a word was exchanged. Finally Lady Summers' worried voice broke the silence: "Mister Hyde? Are you still there?" "Yes … are you sure, Milady? I mean, the flowers - just explain!" Why am I feeling so anxious all of the sudden? I mean, it's no surprise- "Alright, Mr. Hyde: orange lilies mean hatred. Yellow carnations essentially mean the same, or to be more specific, they mean 'You have disappointed me'. Geraniums mean 'stupidity' or 'folly'. Marigold stands for cruelty, despair, grief or jealousy. Yellow hyacinths simply mean 'I'm jealous'. Daffodils stand for egotism and petunias stand for resentment and anger. In conclusion, he is angry with you and done with your behaviour and your attitude towards your relationship." "…" In his head, Hyde could hear Jekyll sob bitterly. He was probably having a nervous breakdown about how he had known it all along, that Gabriel hated them both, that they weren't worthy of him and so on. Hyde himself didn't know, what he was feeling. Shock? Disappointment? Upset? Hurt? Anger? Resignation? He had no blooming clue! "Mister Hyde?" Lady Summers' voice snapped him out of it. "What?", he snapped in annoyance. "Check if there are any more flowers hidden in the bouquet." "What? Why?" "Just try it. What do you have to lose?" Curse that Prussian bitch for always being right! How did she do that?! He searched the bouquet and lo and behold, he did indeed find a tiny bouquet that was hidden within the bigger one. "There is! But how did you-?" "I didn't. It was just female intuition. What flowers are those?" "Two primroses and two violets." I swear, if this is another 'I hate you'-bouquet, I will- Suddenly, the Prussian cackled at the other end of the line. What the bloody hell was so funny now?! "Oh, Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll, you two are some lucky rascals! Your 'bedfellow', as you call him, is way too good for you!" "What?" Hyde heard Jekyll gasp in mortification. He himself usually found the Lady's bluntness rather amusing, but right now he was just confused and wanted answers. The Lady giggled, before explaining merrily: "Primroses mean 'I can't live without you'. Violets mean 'I will always be true' or 'I will always be there'. They stand for modesty, faithfulness, loyalty and devotion. That adds a nice bonus to the arsehole message, don't you agree?" Hyde nodded absently. Then he shook his head in disbelief. That crazy lawyer … "Mister Hyde, are you alright?" He blinked. "But of course!", he cried, "Why would I not be?" It was true. He was feeling just fine. So why- Oh. "Jekyll is bawling in my head", he informed the aristocrat. "Don't mind me", Jekyll sobbed, "It's just tears of joy!" "Just Jekyll?", she queried. He could picture her lifting an eyebrow. It was only after her retort, that Hyde realised, that he too was crying. Tears … where the hell did they come from? "No", he admitted quietly, not quite sure, if the Prussian noblewoman could hear him through the phone. Then he cleared his throat and continued a bit louder: "Don't worry, I'm good. That's it for now, Milady. Thank you." "My pleasure, but next time don't call me in the middle of the night. Good night." "Good night." He hung up the phone. Then, for some reason, he began to laugh giddily. While he was crying. What's wrong with me? Now it was Jekyll's turn to laugh: "Isn't that plain, Hyde? There's nothing wrong with you! You're happy! Those are tears of joy you're crying here! You're happy, because Gabriel loves you just like me!" Hyde didn't even feel like arguing. He just continued to laugh like an idiot. Suddenly two arms wrapped themselves around him from behind. "Edward", Utterson cooed gently. Hyde squirmed, turning around in the other's arms.  Then he grabbed the lawyer by the collar and pulled him into a searing kiss. "Fuck you too, you bastard!", he rasped, when they broke apart. "You got my message then?" "Damn right, I did!", Hyde growled and kissed him again. "If you ever break that promise and leave me, I'll bloody kill you. You're mine." "Then it's only my right to ask the same of you", Utterson growled back, "If I am to be yours, you must be mine as well." The younger man smirked and wrapped his arms around the lawyer's neck. "Fine with me, Gabe", he purred seductively. Another make-out session ensued. The black-haired man was cradling Hyde in his arms and the brunette allowed himself to melt. Is this what love feels like? 

… 

I've been wanting to write this for quite a while, so I did it, as long as I still had the inspiration. Btw, in the Victorian age it was popular to convey feelings through flowers, especially if saying them out loud would be inappropriate. There is an entire language built around it, it's called 'floriography' or 'Semlalik'. This custom is an import from the Middle East, or from the Ottoman Empire, to be specific. *the coffee houses - euphemistic Victorian slang for the brothels **Was zur Hölle - German for 'What the hell'

#The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde #Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde #Dr. Jekyll #henry jekyll #Mr. Hyde #edward hyde #mr utterson #utterson #Gabriel John Utterson #oc #flower language #floriography #some fluff