ammiemarie
Ammie-Marie
ENFJ-A. Writer. Humanist. Minimalist. Traveler. Beach snob.
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It's a rainy Thursday afternoon here in the 'burgh.
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Cruel Intentions | Poem
Cruelty amongst humanity knows no boundaries
The web it weaves can ensnare the utmost virtuous
Taunting the innocent with opportune dismay
Empowering the guilty with trials less arduous
It poaches the confidence of assaulted daughters
And teaches them to be vigilant in the shadows
It inhibits the ambitions of disgraced sons
And strips them of a namesake honor to bestow
It diminishes the strength of steadfast fathers
And lures them into an early grave
It tangles the tongues of resilient mothers
And reminds them of how a lady must always behave
It wretches the prudent minds of aging elders
And strips their wisdom of assured securities
It nurtures the latent virtues of newborn babes
And fouls their formative bonds with impurities
Every living being inherits the ability to be cruel
Fostering a hidden potential for mass destruction
Guided by the kaleidoscopic vision of their ideals
Awaiting a fractured moment to reveal its seduction
We walk through this life with luminous choices
Exasperated by the moral dilemma of conscripted blindness
To follow the footsteps of those whose light has diminished
Or stray towards the radiant uncertainty of kindness
The burden of mankind is to be benevolent in moments of despair
A decision we must carefully consider in the matrix of rage
As we weep with grief in the fading memory of happiness
As we learn to forgive in the comforting arms of endless pain
Where one is callous, be compassionate
Where one is cowardly, be courageous
Where one is dishonorable, be distinct
Where one is greedy, be generous
In a world where a sunny day can be marred by fallen ash
In a society where a wayward glance can shut eyes forever
In a life where survival only befits the hungry
In a reality where your dreams may never endeavor
Be proud of your wrinkles, sunspots, and scars
Your graying hair, stiffening limbs, and maturing mind
For you have lived a virtuous life of wisdom and valor
If, in the face of cruelty, you chose to be kind
-------------------------------------
About This Work
Whether we choose to take responsibility for them or not, our decisions throughout our lives often determine the direction our paths may take us.
If the road to hell is often paved with good intentions, then cruel intentions only pave the way for desolate purgatory. Even the smallest decisions can have a ripple effect throughout the trajectory of our lives and those around us.
Sometimes, our natural instincts cause us to make choices we wish we could undo in the aftermath of consequence… and sometimes, what has been done can never be undone, no matter the suffering it has caused.
#poems and poetry#poetry writing#poetic#original poem#poem#poetry#free verse#my poem#poems on tumblr#poems and quotes#ammie-marie#ammiemarie
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Expendable | Lyrics
You tear me down, tear me down
Tear me down again
You say I'm bad, say I'm bad
Say I'm not your friend
You cut me off cold, baby
With your sharp knives
You left me in the dark
Fighting for my life
You got me lost, got me lost
Got me for the last time
PRE-CHORUS:
It feels like we're running
Back to the start, ah oh
I admire your crafted lies
Like a work of art, oh
CHORUS:
I know you're not a friend
This is where the end begins
You're a touch of misery
And you love your company
Pedal to the metal
Right down to the floor
Switchin' between gears
Revvin' up the motor
It's never enough
I know you're not my friend
Because you only love
The ones you can expend
The road you paved, road you paved
Leads you to a dead end
Slither away, slither away
Baby, back to your den
You say it's only fair
If you can take a bite
You're so full of yourself
It's blinding your eyesight
You'll spin around, spin around
To swallow your tail tonight
(PRE-CHORUS, CHORUS)
P-p-p-petal to the metal, oh no
Petal to the metal, let's go
P-p-p-petal to the metal, oh no
Petal to the metal, let's go
Don't you pretend, oh no
Like you're not in my head, oh no
Don't tell me I don't comprehend
Your expendable intent, oh no
No, no, no
I'll never settle
(CHORUS)
You'll never be a friend
If you only ever love
People you can expend
#lyrics#2024#lyric writing#lyric posting#lyricist#alternative#alternative rock#electropop#music#new music#a cappella#song demo#indie music#SoundCloud
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How Nice | Lyrics
Breathe it in, the poison
Let it let me slip away
Cull the darkness growing within
I don't mind the bitter taste
Spit it out, the venom
As I drift under the tide
Let the madness gain momentum
In the corners of my mind
In this life, I'm a revenant
Scattered ashes on the dunes
You're the picture perfect person
In this ambient folie à deux
Why should I try?
Why should I care?
I've wandered this lonely road so long
When you said you'd always be there
PRE-CHORUS:
So, shape me, mold me
Shift back the sands of time
Deny me, even mock me
From the top of the hill I must climb
CHORUS:
How nice it must feel
To be unbroken
To be unburdened, to be healed
How nice it must feel
To be happy
To be thankful, to be fulfilled
How nice it must be
To be free from insanity
To be drunk on dignity
To be off the edge rising gracefully
How nice it must be
To be you
Instead of me
Come with me, the distance
Beyond these shallow tears I've cried
Into the wicked tresses
Where a part of me has died
I'm withering away, like roses
Collect my petals off the stones
Retrace your love as it decomposes
Inside my aching bones
(PRE-CHORUS, CHORUS)
How nice it must feel
To be unburdened by the memory
Of those who left you behind
How nice it must feel
To be fulfilled by the promise
That tomorrow will bring you back to life
And you'll rise, rise, rise
Against the embers of the night
As the dawn renews the morning light
One last time
(CHORUS)
How nice it must feel
To be happy
To be free from hostility
To fall off the edge and glide down gracefully
How nice it must be
To be loved
To never know what it's like
To know that you'll never be enough
#songwriting#lyrics#lyric writing#lyricist#alternative rock#hard rock#rock music#alternative metal#heavy metal#screamo#writing#music#mental health
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In this life, I'm a revenant
Scattered ashes on the dunes
You're the picture perfect person
In this ambient folie à deux
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Bygone Era Cocktails
I had a dream last night where I was in the late 1960s or early 1970s. I was surrounded by members of my husband's family, all of whom were deceased. No living person was there.
I was in a home with a large open-concept living space. There was a seating area with a living room, a bar in the middle of the room, and an area where there was a dining table. The entire room was decked out in pre-1970 furniture and decor.
I think the home was owned by his grandfather.
His grandfather, Royal, was rather blunt, impolite, and controlling towards those around him. He was constantly talking about himself, his ambitions, or recalling stories of his life. He passed away in 1998.
His dad, Gary, was in his early 20's. He almost looked like a member of The Beatles. He didn't speak much, but he sat next to his grandfather on the couch while we were talking in their living room.
His aunt, Cinda, was standing next to a tall wall of vinyl records, holding an old fashioned glass with some sort of liquor on the rocks.
There were other relatives, like grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great grandparents, and other distant relatives.
I heard an older woman speak calmly behind me as I sat at the bar. I turned around, and smile as we made eye contact. I turned back around to my glass, and woke up.
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It's been 15 years...
On the 15th anniversary of his passing, I remember my grandfather, Donald Asa Harman. He was many things to many different people, but I believe he wanted to live out his golden years on the straight and narrow, making amends for all his wrongdoings.
My hope would be that we could have a ride to Harman, WV or Missoula, MT in his honor. Maybe that may be something achievable this summer.
Honestly, I didn't even know he existed until early 2005, when I was 14 years old. I didn't meet him until that July... and I had only known him for 4 years when he tragically passed away on March 9, 2009.
Yet, he made a lasting impression on me like none other -- as he did so many others throughout his lifetime. I've written a handful of songs and poems about him in the years after his passing. I've cried many tears over the loss of him in my life, and how his absence inadvertently tore the family apart in so many ways.
Over the past several years, I have been gathering court case dockets, photos, personal accounts, handwritten letters (his words), and memories of his life, trying to piece together his life story.
People remember when he came to their rescue when their car broke down or when they needed help fixing a broken ceiling fan.
People remember when he gave those in need a warm, hot meal at his bar during the holiday seasons.
People remember when he bought the entire bar a round of drinks, greeting old friends and new faces alike as if he knew you since birth.
People remember when he stood up for them, defended them in a fight, or helped them with their own legal woes as a jailhouse lawyer.
People remember when he gave them the courage to stand up for themselves, their family, or friends against injustice or go for whatever it was that they desired most out of life.
He often prioritized his homes as a safe haven for family and friends, offering food and shelter to anyone in need.
As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and many would argue that he tried to make decisions with good intentions.
Ultimately, he spent the majority of his life in and out of prison for a litany of bad decisions (and crimes) made with good intentions... well, by his logic anyhow.
In his honor and legacy, "ACE" is a biography about his life story... and a discovery of who he was as a person to many, between the many loves of his life, the family he left behind, the choices he made, and the person he wanted to be in his lifetime.
As I continue to uncover details about his life, I'm learning what it means to forgive and try to make sense of the "why" or "how". Writing his story been a work in progress... a labor of love that I hope will help someone else, someday.
Rest in peace, grandpa. I love you always.
#grandpa#biography#writing#books#stories#family#life story#donald harman#ace#ace of spades#spades#ace roofing co#youngstown#harman#west virginia
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We should never allow something - relationships, money, religion, or business - have so much power over us that we freely sacrifice the sanctity of our personhood for its betterment and enrichment.
#quotes#life quotes#life lessons#discovery#personhood#self empowerment#self awareness#self control#self love
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My Shadow, My Friend
On a warming February afternoon, I went for a walk in a vast, wooded forest.
Under the high winter sun, my shadow grew in multiples of my height, accompanying me along the winding trail like a giant. The trail was muddy and slippery, with solid patches where the sun's distant heat dried the damp ground. Fallen leaves from the previous autumn littered the ground. Fallen trees tore up the Earth in pillowy, rooted mounds.
I remembered the first time I ever truly noticed my shadow. I was a student in 1st Grade and my elementary school was practicing fire drills.
In a single file line, we marched out of the classroom. We turned left, and walked down the hallway towards the exit, where our meetup spot was just outside of the back of the school.
Standing in the warming sun, I listened to the blaring sound of the fire alarm echoing across the parking lot. I looked around me as other classes exited the building.
I glanced down at my shoes, and noticed a change in the color of the pavement just off the right side of my feet. I followed the outline of my shoes to my legs, from my legs to my arms, from my arms to my head. I moved my arms and lifted my foot, watching as the silhouette followed my every move.
I had heard about shadows, and I had noticed them before, but this was the first time I was studying my own shadow. I noticed details about the shape, height, and width of the shadow as I moved around in a circle. The further away I was from the ground, the larger my shadow grew against the light of the mighty sun. The top of my head seemed so much bigger than the soles of my shoes!
Eventually, the sound of the alarm was silenced, marking the end of the fire drill. As we made a u-turn around the parking lot back into the building, I watched my shadow twist and shift as I walked.
It slowly disappear under the shadow of the building as we got closer to the double doors, returning back to safety of the hallway.
When the last bell rang for the day, I packed up my bookbag as quickly as I could, eager to greet my shadow one last time before I had to get on the bus.
To my great disappointment, my shadow was gone - hidden by an array of cumulus clouds that filled the once-sunny sky. I was confused by what happened, and waited for what seemed like forever for my shadow to return, but it did not.
Once again, I followed my classmates in a single-file line, and made my way to a window seat on the bus.
As the bus rolled from stop to stop, the sun burst through the clouds, and cast a large shadow of the bus onto the ground. Finally, there it was again.
All the way home, I studied the shadow of the bus as it distorted and moved against the sidewalks and roads. I noticed how the wheels moved with the light cascading in kaleidoscope patterns.
It was a beautiful sight to see.
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One of the songs I recently wrote, Back To You, is so emotionally triggering for me. I wrote it in memory and honor of those I have lost throughout my life.
It's truly a journey through grief:
Is it any wonder how we got this far?
Driving 95 down the coast in your car
Losing our way chasing signs on the interstate
Heading straight into the eye of a hurricane
Crashing over dams in our headstrong reservoir
And baby, we don't even know where we are
Some verses are about my friend, Kristen Rushlow, who tragically lost her life to suicide in 2015:
Follow me from the edge of the shadows
Like an eternal flame
You will always light my way
Some verses are about my grandfather, Donald Harman, who passed away in 2009, and his fiancée/widow, Tami Kotouch, who passed away in 2020:
All I want is to be there by your side
And hear you whisper my name
Promise me that everything will be alright
Even if nothing's ever the same
Most of the song is about my dog, Lily Ann Sprowls (2010-2022), who passed away unexpectedly from a stroke and undiscovered bone cancer in her hips that had spread.
Keep on running, running, running
Running, running, running, baby
I know you'll always be free
Keep on running, running, running
Running, running, running, baby
I know someday I'll see
You again
You are my everything
You'll always be
With me
Safe and sound
In my memory
It's impossible for me to record without breaking down. I can't even sing it without breaking down. Music is so personal for me.
Now, I understand why some lyricists utilize vocal artists to bring their songs to life. Sometimes, those words are so penetrative to your heart... just like a poisoned dagger.
One of my goals for this year (2024) is to find the courage and strength to be able to sing and record Back To You without breaking down entirely... and remember the love instead of the pain.
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Toby Keith (1961-2024)
It's difficult to process and understand the loss of a magnificent icon like Toby Keith.
"Dream Walkin'" was one of the songs that taught me how to feel and search for deeper meaning as a child.
"How Do You Like Me Now?" was my elementary school anthem.
I understood the impact of terrorism and cruelty through "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" in middle school.
"My List" was one of songs that impacted me the most.
He created the soundtrack of my youth, and I have so many memories tied to his songs.
Thank you for the music, Toby. Rest in Peace 🌺
July 8, 1961 – February 5, 2024
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The Vagaries of Serendipity
Foolish of me to imagine
A vision of roaming, flowering pastures
The unwavering might of wild tall grasses
Long shadows of sparrows tempering honeybees
Songs of an ethereal breeze against desolate trees
Vanishing memory of footsteps amongst fallen leaves
Amidst the swiftness of a trickling cerulean creek
As two lovers embrace by an enduring stream
Where you and I will always meet
There, in my sweetest dreams…
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Back To You
"Back to You" is dedicated to the loving memory of my beloved doghter, Lily Ann Sprowls. Rest In Peace, my girl.
-----------------------
Ooh yeah, ooh
Every moment is the same without you
The days just blur in my head
Every memory shatters my world view
All I can see is in red
What a beautiful thing it is to be
Happier as the days go by
Never really knowing what we'll lose
With the passing of time
Is it any wonder how we got this far?
Driving 95 down the coast in your car
Losing our way chasing signs on the interstate
Heading straight into the eye of a hurricane
Crashing over dams in our headstrong reservoir
And baby, we don't even know where we are
CHORUS:
But if I'm with you, then
Ooh, I've got nothing to lose
And if I get lost, then
I'll find my way back to you, yeah
All I want is to be there by your side
And hear you whisper my name
Promise me that everything will be alright
Even if nothing's ever the same
Follow me from the edge of the shadows
Like an eternal flame
You will always light my way
I'd retrace every step I've made
To touch the silhouette of your face
How did we ever get this far?
When we don't even know
We don't even know who we are
(CHORUS x2)
Keep on running, running, running
Running, running, running, baby
I know you'll always be free
Keep on running, running, running
Running, running, running, baby
I know someday I'll see
You again
You are my everything
You will always be
With me
Safe and sound
In my memory
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These five incredible, brilliant, talented, legendary musical men have inspired me the most in my songwriting and have helped me find my voice, find the strength, or find the courage to face the day.
I love them all so.
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Iris | Poem
My portraits of the past
remind me of all I have lost.
How cruel this world is
once you have given everything,
and have nothing left to comfort yourself,
as you pace around the barren,
haunted hallway of your life.
All I'll ever be is dancing with ghosts,
holding them close,
wishing for one more day of life,
yearning to hear their heartbeat
ever once more.
All I ever needed was to be loved,
unconditional and true,
its light of a thousand suns
carrying me through
the darkest of nights.
Part of me longs for the mother I've never had,
fearful of accepting the one
who is just as broken as I am,
who made me broken
in her brokenness.
Part of me longs for the love
that will never be,
the blossoms that will never flourish,
the taste of bittersweet memories,
tormenting my subconscious.
Part of me wishes so desperately
to be free from this world,
evanescent amongst the stars,
lost to the patterns
of time and space.
On this day, 33 years ago,
I was born into this world,
unwanted and cumbersome,
begging for the comfort
of a mother's love.
On this day, 33 years ago,
I was born into this world,
sleepy-eyed and hopeful,
eager to never let go of my father's hand
as he vanished into the void.
it's so hard to believe in yourself
when no one else does.
you're on your own kid,
and the clock is ticking away
ever so slowly,
ever so briskly,
in fleeting moments.
Tick, tock.
...Tick, tock.
......Tick, tock.
I am but a remnant of mother nature.
a grain of sand in the vastness of time.
a moment after everything began.
a distant memory after everything ends.
and so it shall be ever more.
#poetry#original poem#poems and poetry#poetry writing#poets on tumblr#writers and poets#poem#poetic#poems on tumblr#poems and quotes#poemsbyme#iris#childhood trauma#birthday#millennials#millennialpoetry
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Perfect Day (Song Lyrics)
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Porcelain (Poem)
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