poetic-phoenix-blog

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Laying in Bed

I lay in bed and look at ways I could be moving

Pinterest sparks my interests and by that I mean, it holds them

And by the looks of it, there's a lot

I lay in bed, because that's safe

No one's here to comment

No one's here to intimidate

No one is here to tell me to stop moving

If I'm not moving to begin with

No one's here

So here I lay

Clothing, decor, clothing, lake house, travel, clothing, future goals

Pipe dreams

Or really dreams of pipes

Of my voice, of his body

My voice, my choice

Or is it really?

"boards" to house excitement

An escape for when I'm bored

Boards of what I like, "I'll pin it"

One day, maybe, one day, forget it

Am I this, or is this who I want to be?

I'm who I need to be first, and anything thereafter

It's an unlikely gift from God

And I do like clothes

But laying in bed staring at all of these

Virtually real impossibilities

It does nothing but remind me of my false liberty

Switzerland, Ireland, any land

They can call me

Or better yet, tell them to shoot a text

And I'll minimize these golden dreams

"I can't make it, sorry" send.

"why?"

"I'm busy" send

The end.

Let me get back to pins and planning

Let me buy more clothing

The one facet of this gem out of reach

The dreamy woman I hope to be

Travel, workout, eat right, eh

At least I can buy clothes while laying in this bed

#pinterest #tumblr poet #me #poets on tumblr

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Questions to ask you

Let me ask you

Do you know what it's like

and

Do you like it?

Being dead while you're alive

Sounds glamorous

-

Do you know what it's like?

And

Is it alright

To tell you how every time

-

Let me ask you

Do you ever see

How my sickness crawls

it's way through me

And the tears I cry

Are not of salt

Not from the eye

But my soul bleeding

Draining red until dry

-

Let me ask you?

Would you rent my body

Would you want to

Stow away beautifully?

A seemingly fine vessel

I would too

-

Let me tell you

If only I could trade my mind

With all the hues

The reds of rage

The blues of truth

Trade in my heart

For something new

A bit more healthy

And less abused

Maybe then

There in that frame

I'd win control

My soul, my name

Never again to be used

Maybe then

I would have

a better question to ask you.

#thought #pain #roles #goals #souls #trolls #tolls #alone #suffocating #thinking #poetry #poet #poetry on tumblr

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

The Guy

I never wanted to know what it was like

To love and lose and search

But twenty-one is a lonely one

People remind me of my faults

By outlining all of the "good"

They don't see my soul is a splinter

Left from a heart turned to wood

The guy will be the one

That fills me up with joy

They repeat it over again

Forget about that boy

Forget about the past

And this sheild I have made

They see through the glass

And I know that it could break

So I hang my head around

Every guy I see

It could never even mean

What they say it means

A guy just looks at me

The guy for me is tall

He looked my way just once

And I'm thinking overall

Even he couldn't fix my love

My love is just this shell

Inside, a block of wood

So I ask them

Is the flirting going well

And every time

There's another guy

With a girl

In front of me

Like a shining neon sign

That he isn't into me

So I hang my head again

Remembering, repeating

The only guy I've love

The guy with all the cheating

The guy with all the charm

Of a creepy centipede

The guy with the hands

He who watched me bleed

The guy with a look of devotion

They tell me it isn't worth it

To just let go of what took me

And I just can't make them hear it

No one understands what this did to me

He ruined me for the rest

The guy,

left me broken in a most courageous way

Solid silence in my chest

The guy,

now a woman to the world today

#love #loss #feeling #cheater #poem #poetry #spilled ink #follow

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Willow

when I was small

my favorite part of walking down the street

was every time I looked up

something warm was looking down at me

and you towered over me

arms reaching down like the leaves of a willow tree

every spring, the road we walked was slippery

and even now, I can hear you tell me

"Squeeze my hand, I won't let you fall"

my willow tree, so strong and tall

Summer came for me too quickly

and the weight of of adolescence pulled my head down

no longer did I look up

or care what I might see

but looking back, I'm remembering

you were there, my willow tree

Autumn winds took their toll

and stood above you laying down

life shook up your rightful role

Winter put you in the ground

but I held fast to our old ways

I see your face when I look up

hidden in the tree above your grave

you're still here with me

always my willow tree; so tall

but looking up at your leave's canopy

has never made me feel so small

#personal #poetry #writing #spilledink #tumblr poet #poetsoftumblr #tumblr artist #writer #thoughts #willow

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

To the man that loved me,

I don't know if you ever meant anything by it.

Your love might have been as real as my own, but I allowed my mind to diminish our time.

See, your love was like an ice pick.

Every time you told me that you loved me, I felt the words chip away a piece of what we were.

And I was just waiting for warmer weather.

I was just living on breathy nightmares in my ear each night.

Holding you tighter and tighter until I developed tendonitis.

I wish I lived in that moment.

It's weird to look back on because here is where I was when we were together.

I was constantly thinking of how I would fare once all was said and done.

Sure, I dreamed up impossibilities as you plunged deeper into my soul.

Your hands running up my thighs at the end of the night and though my nerves were shaking in all of this erotic bliss

My mind would think of now.

I saw you in elbow patches in front of a classroom.

I watched you take mental pictures with those silver blue eyes as I lay next to you're aging body.

Wondering if it'd always be the way it was in that moment.

But in the waking hours.

Forget that, in all of the hours we weren't intertwined, my mind was here.

Where I really am, alone.

Without you.

Without the promise of what and who you could be with me at your side.

I knew this is where I'd be five years later.

And at the time, it made me sick to know.

Well in all honesty, it still does at times.

But not because I'm not laying where you are lying

But because I wasted all of that time with you

#you #wasted time #thinking #thought #wine #follow #tumblrpoets #poets on tumblr #tumblr poets #poetry #personal poetry #love poetry

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Sometimes I write stuff down on receipt papers from work or in my memos on my phone and then when I want to clean out my purse/phone, I'm left with the decision to either throw it out forever or like publish it on my tumblr coz why not? It's funny because it's all because one time my ex boyfriend (who I was crazy in love with and then he decided to cheat on me and now he's a she and she thinks that she did no wrong to me and I used to see her around my town and she'd be friendly and she didnt know that the shit he put me through almost put me in the ground prematurely and like it isn't right to blame that on him/her because obviously there's a deeper issue if our problems trighered such a low for me) anyway, there was a time my ex boyfriend told me to never throw away poetry no matter how shitty I think it is. I'd like to call this,"Nice Poem".

I have watched the sun set on the skin

of the arms I long to touch

Every part of living lives even

When I haven't had your love

April claimed the Winter, but I remember

When the air was cold enough

When you seemed so much better than any you that I have ever known

One small second that I wanted

to take you as my own

It's something that I've grown to see as a way of learning why I'm so broken

But just because I know it

Doesn't make my love any less stolen

I'm sure that you look pretty when you wake up and the sunshine stings your eyes

I would never know.'cause when you left me

It was always in the night

And every heated fleeting moment haunts me like a place that I have been but can't quite remember

Why do you feel like arms have held me forever?

Like the current of this river,

the memory pulls me every time I lose my mind

Drowning my good judgment,

Until my eyes can barely see the light

#rant #tumblrpoets #justthetypical #hipstirring #inspo #fuckeverything

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Title, if you want one

You look at me with those eyes of clay

Your expression alters the words I say

And I want inside of your head

I want to give you everything

You hold me with those arms of stone

Locked around my fragile bones

And I long to let go of my fear

I want to give you everything

#tumblrpoet #random #thatsit

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Everything is Neat, Part 1

I don't know whats going on with me

But I feel like I'm just a little bit spooky

I think that I've finally found the answer to my question

Without a doubt, once I start caring less about myself

I'll forget all about hating everyone else

#rhyme #whatever #poem #poetry #everything is neat #follow me #because #i am lonely

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

All through my head

I cant really count the many many times

Ive been made to lie to your face

Because you push and push and pull me back from every happy thing

You tell me that I'm angry and you bug me like a nasty centipede

Let me ask you, do you want me to leave?

It's my not a headache, not a leg pain,

Not a bad day

It's not a tense neck or nagging ovary

I just dont want to talk to you

I can't expect someone to understand fully what is going on

Some days, like thursdays, I wake and would rather lay in bed

I'm laying down but actively searching for a reason to get up and deal with all of you

It's not personal, I really just can't describe my unease and dread

On days like this, I wish I could stay away

Spend my day alone in my bed

#poetry #iguess #follow

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

#willwoodandthetapeworms #strangerthings #red #redlight #thelostboys #livemusic #art #respect

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Predictable

To get lost in the glow of your gaze

Is to become a woman again

And to feel the brush of your page

Scrape against my pale skin

Would be the answer to my every dream

-

I long to be back in that role

Falling asleep while you read

The light of my bedside table

Glaring across your arms, missing my tired head

It was then that I knew what it was to dream

-

I walked past a man that looked like you

He held his body in a way familiar

Similair to my man, with eyes of blue

Five years, and I still remember

Because to let go would be a nightmare

-

I used to think that this pain within

Was holding out for that expression on your face

I used to believe I couldn't love again

Because I could only marvel at every nuance of your face

But, it was love, the love that had to end

Because you were a nightmare

-

I will love like that again

I don't know how

I don't know when

But I know this heart can allow

My soul to love again

#lovepoem #love petry #follow #random poems #poems #spilled ink #poets on tumblr #cheesy #breezy #beautiful #lonely girl

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

I woke up in October His arms held me down But I wasn’t trapped I slept through September Like the Green Day song Every day before then, a vague collage of the past My reason lay next to me under an all white duvet And I would never ask for more I could never want for more than waking in that way Dreamy lives are idyllic Yes But if your life is too dreamy You lose your grasp on reality And sleeping seems like a chore Because it takes you away from him And showers are too cold Unless he’s with you And you torture your family, friends Anyone else Because unless he’s with you, you’re a shell of a woman He is your sun in the morning He is the moon in the evening And you make love underneath both of those All day, all night, all morning Repeat All day, all night, and the mornings The mornings were always the most sweet I think back and I look back and those are two different things All I can feel is that I’m thriving all day, I’m hurting at night, and I’m lonely all morning And I will never love this way again And I don’t want to Obsession isn’t healthy And artists are complicated

#artists on tumblr #poets of tumblr #ny photography #upstatenewyork #upstate new york photography #tumblr photography #female artists #love #autumn #autumn aesthetic #autumn in new york #autumn in upstate new york

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Easy

She's easy

And I could never even tell her

What that looks like

She'll never know the weight

Of her choices

And how she throws her body

"She's easy"

He said it and my stomach twisted

You're a young girl

You're mother is not a mother

Your father is dead and gone

And you choose to stick your tongue out in selfies

You choose to sleep around

How am I hearing this about you all across this fucked up town?

Respect yourself.

It's already so hard for us women.

Respect yourself...this is your life

The beginning

Don't throw it away again and again

Don't stand like that in the mirror

Don't wear those jeans that way

Don't take them off for every boy who fools you

Life isn't kind to us women

No need to gove the men that kind of amunition

Live your life with respect

And maybe one day

Others will follow suit

#cousin #youth #young #pregnancy rumors #heartbroken #respect #representyourself #spilled ink #personal #poem

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

How's it possible To know we are not alone And so many fall - And we've all given Our fullest selves to this life And fall in the end - How's it possible To welcome our own defeat Our children will to

#thoughts #fall #fallpoem #novemberpoem #poetsoftumblr #follow #haiku #autumnhaiku #cold #morningmusing #morningmusings

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Anxitipedes

They've told me to relax

In fact, that's all that anyone

has ever done

Relax, relax

RELAX

I say I'm fine, I'm okay

Some know I'm lying

Others look the other way

I'm lying, I'm not alright

I say I'm okay

Until my fears crawl across the floor

Physical representations of my own

Lack of maturity.

I'm okay when the sun is shining

And I've got my boots on

My face is painted, game

I'm okay until my vulnerabilities

Touch my insecurites and the moon

The moon is my only hope

The only reminent of beauty

In a black sky, a black night

The moon reminds me to focus

To come back down off of my panic

My muse

In this black mind of mine

People are art, but sometimes art is ugly

It's all plain as day in this hand job

They've handed me

I know I'm scared

I know I worry

You think I don't know I suffer from anxiety?

You haven't noticed that I've stopped lining my eyes

Because makeup smudges when I involuntarily cry

The worst is when I think I can't breathe

And they all just stare and they tell me the same

Same old thing, relax

I thought peace would line the walls of my home

But instead primal fears invoke a deeper wound

And I'm afraid, I'm running away from my own fears

And i get trapped within the confines of this structure I pay for

Sometimes I think I should ask my anxiety to pay me some rent

#homeowner #poetry #poetsoftumblr #followme #illfollowyou #anxietypoetry #anxietypoem #mentalhealth #orlackofhealth #andallthatjazz #talkaboutit #fear

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Get Dressed

Walking down the street she passes a penny

Copper stones adorn the sidewalk

Heads or tails, does it even matter?

None of it could better her lonely day

The wind is cold, but it isn't wild

And the moon is hanging way up high

She used to think that she could have it

But another one told her no

Without a reason why

Is it night or early morning?

Is there a reason she's out alone?

Where's she from, where's she going?

Why didnt she stop for that copper stone?

Getting out of bed is always easier

Than laying down and falling asleep

Still theres this never ending struggle

To want to get dressed, to want to leave

She knows all the things that they want to tell her

Everyone's truth is obsolete

All of it is feeling so pointless and what she wants isn't in the street

The front of her boot flaps wide open, smiling in the most mocking way it could

She works so hard, but for no reason?

She just wants to be happy, and it never lasts

I can see from here she is something

Everyone would want, but could never have

#thoughts #poetry #iguess #words #expression #alive #hurt #ache #iwishicouldwrite #thepaininside #spilledink #tumblrpoets

[poetic-phoenix-blog]

Autumn with You

The world around me glitters Specked with tones of Summer I taste the warm glow of the sunshine In the tea I hold before me I see the masses in cut offs And truth be told, I’m hot too But your arms warm me like a sweater How is it Autumn when I’m with you? - Is it fair that in this lifetime We only love, but fail to choose? I wouldn’t look into your dark eyes If I had anything to lose - The chilly morning is a warning On the horizon, Winter blues The greens of Summer fade quicker Than they ever had before Seasons change, it’s what they do But even if this heat remained here I’d live in Autumn, living with you -

There was a time Many moons ago The world was chilled and tinted gold I held a cup just like I do now I waited all night for love to call And in the morning, before sunrise He found a way to steal my soul It can't be that I could have love After all I did endure But in these waking hours, I ask you To walk softer on my floors -

The world inside me is matte Stretched across my heart like a map I feel the aching of my crooked spin As I lift chai to my lips Kiss of October, I close my eyes The trees turn red, the sky is blue Your arms warm me like a sweater How is it Autumn when I’m with you?

#Joan Baez #inspired #tumblrpoetry #follow me #poetry #poems #Phoenix #poet #fun #feelings #forbidden #heartbreak hotel #friend zone #highwaytothefriendzone