stephnotsofunny75-blog
Silence Speaks Volumes
a place where I can be myself and say and post what I want with no judgment. mother of three emotional puerto rican pisces!
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Torn!
what do u do when your so torn about a decision? I wish I knew an easier way than just weighing the pro’s and con’s. It's never that easy, there are feelings and families involved and you have to think about all of that when making such a huge decision. right? like I know there is a time when your suppose to be a little selfish and thing about your own happiness, but when your a mom you don't really have that luxury. then what if you chose what's right for your kids but not right for you? then what? what if you choose what's right for you but not the kids? why does everything have to be so fucking complicated? why can't I just have the answer to this one? ive already given up on the answers to certain things in my life, why can't I just have this one answer?
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Anxiety!!
Why the fuck does anxiety fuck with your brain so much? like today I had to take a flight to nye where I use to live and the whole day starting with entering the airport my anxiety sky rocketed for no reason and I was alone no kids to worry about or stress me out nothing. then getting on the plane an then getting in the air and then landing. then waiting for my raid and even just walking outside my anxiety was so high I felt like I had to pass out and I still kept it together and not that im calmed and relaxed my body is extremely tired and exhausted for holding that in all day. I just don't understand how did anxiety come to live. how was this discovered. if their is a god then why did he create this because its a bitch.
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Home sweet home??
So my daughter who is 10 is graduating soon and I will be returninbgack to the big apple to attend her graduation and prom!! im so excited yet super nervous. mainly because I have not been back to ny in almost 5 years and also I will be meeting my daughters fathers wife for the first time. we talk a lot but meeting her in person for the first time. like there will be no weirdness but I just hope she not one of those territory types when baby moms comes around you know1 I don't like that because we never had issues with each other and we been real cool so hopefully this is a good trip. Im super nervous going by myself though even though I need this time away from the house and the kids still nervous stepping into that damn public transportation pool of annoyance and bacteria. who knows maybe everything will be ok. also super nervous getting on a plane I just finished watching manifest and im a 90′s baby who grew up on all the final destination movies so im a big nervous ball of anxiety already lol!! wish me luck!!
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I Wish!!
you ever wish you can be a certain way and you try so hard to be that way and no matter what you do, you just can't! I wish I was more patient. I have absolutely no patience for tings especially my kids and I feel so bad for that. normally when my patience runs dry I lock myself in a room for a few mins with my AirPods on. yes of course I make sure my kids are safe first. sometimes I just need to regroup myself for a few minutes then my patience bar goes back up and I'm able to function without completely shutting down. I wish I was someone who liked surprises. I can never let anyone surprise me like I have to have complete control and know everything which I hate. I've probably been surprised one time in my life. I feel like I ruin shit for myself all the time. I wish I didn't let emotions run my life. As I got older I started to give. shit less but up until then I was running on emotions and feelings. I guess what I'm saying is no matter what we think of ourselves and how we see ourselves we can't change it! we can ry and get better at small things here and there but ultimately this is who we are and how we were raised and what we know. be kind to yourself we are only working with the shit that was taught to us and because of that we need to give ourselves some grace!!
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The Simplest Things!!
I really don't think I ask for much! I'm a stay at home mom of two under 5. I have been home for almost 5 years and people think this shit is easy and it's really not. I never have anyone to talk to my man works 24/7 and when he doesn't work we still have things to do and I k ow that's literally everyone everywhere all at once!! (pun definitely intended) lol! but all I ask is when u can help. if u see something on the floor pic it up, don't walk over it 7 times and then give me attitude when i pick it up with attitude asking (you couldn't just pick it up?) when the water filter in the fridge is empty and needs to be refilled and your the last to take water (why can't you just refill it?) everyone waits until mommy does it, everyone including dad and grandpa all think I'm a fucking maid! God forbid I get mad when no refills the paper toilet basket! like cmon. I am suppose to have weight loss surgery and I cant because I get no help from my family whatsoever. I can't even help myself because I'm so busy taking care of everyone else and their needs. What about mine!? WHAT ABOUT ME!? Then everyone wants to know why I'm so sad and depressed and tired. I don't get help with cooking, chores, kids, mental health. it's a project just to get alone time for myself. I always say no one thinks of mommy and then I hear about all the gifts I get on birthdays and mothers day, but thats not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about why ya don't think about mommy when ya throw your clothes everywhere making a mess with food and toys and it's like FUCK! sometimes I just want to leave and never come back!
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Mothers Day!
For those of you who still have their mothers around please hold that dear to your heart considering some of us don't! My mother wasn't the greatest, and she defiantly had some mental issues. she suffered from anxiety, and depression and anger issues! well I can't really say anger issues she was probably just a really impatient person. things angered her easily. well like I was saying she wasn't the greatest, but she was my mother and me being an adult and being a mother I definitely noticed that she tried. Honestly that's all I could have asked for. I wish I knew then what I know now, I really feel like I could have helped her so much. she passed away 20 years ago when I was 12. I k ow in my heart me and my mother would have been best friends. just be grateful to your mothers! happy mothers day!!
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Honesty!!
What is it with people who get so offended at the truth? like I'm someone who is brutally honest, and I'm from Brooklyn!! like its gunna come off the way it comes off! I'm honest and its she mean, she a bitch, she not a real friend! like da fuck are you talking about? most people in this world don't know how to be honest, or hear the truth. Don't get mad at me because I'm being honest and helping you out. why would you get mad if I tell you how things really are. I mean if u want to stay in denial than go ahead but then we not cool. I can't stand that shit. like don't come to me if u continue to date the same guy who beats you or verbally abuses you when I told you to leave him years ago because I can't help no one who doesn't want to help themselves!!
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What I hate?
You know what I hate? I hate close minded people! I hate people who won't allow themselves to think other things, and to be considerate of how others think. I'm the type of person that knows everyone has their own opinion and that's ok. People look at the world differently and look at certain situations differently, and that's ok? I Absolutely hate when I say my opinion on a matter that is being discussed and someone goes NO! like what do you mean no? that's my opinion, that's how I see it. It literally gets me so infuriatingly mad to the point where now I just want to say “ yo stfu, and stop being so fucking close minded!” like I don't understand how people can be that way especially in todays society, like after everything that has and is and will continue to go on you still think that your opinion is the only one that matters and that's how it should go! people should all be open minded, and considerate, and non judgmental, maybe this world would be a better place!
#peace#love#understanding#theworld#everyone#me#you#us#them#i hate it so much#why#considerate#compassion#selfawarness#mind#thoughts#openminded#close minded
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Period.
Why were women cursed so much? like I know by public opinion the whole Adam and Eve thing and she at the forbidden fruit and shit and that's why we were so cursed? like cmon we have to endure so fucking much as women. we have periods at an early age, then we go through child birth pregnancy for 9 fucking months and then push out a human. Lets not forget the wonderful world of menopause like are you fucking kidding me? and what do men have to deal with? nothing! lol taking care of they kids and making the money. this shit is so unfair. Yet every man in the world thinks that we as women are unreasonable, and bitchy and nag too much, why we are always depressed and sad and frankly bipolar at times. Im currently on my mental dealing with two babies at home and when I tell you I wish I was man so much lol! like they have it so good they don't even know. I go through very heavy flows and super painful cramps and it makes me not want to do anything but yet I have to do everything as a stay at home mom. no matter how much pain I'm in I still need to clean and cook and care for my babies and elderly father in law. I just wish I could be like NO! and just lay down and do what I want to do!
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One Of Those Days
You ever have one of those days when you wake up and you can just feel it in your body and mind that this is just going to be just one of those days? Yea well today was that day for me. I woke up fine but throughout the day everything started getting slower and everything started looking dimmer and just grey and blue. I mean it could be that soon I will be getting my monthly visitor and of course that in hand with my anxiety and depression all come together and form this gloomy day of just feeling down and out. my depression was hitting hard today and for the life of me I couldn't shake it. I tried so hard several things and I just found myself sitting in my chair after my shower just wanting to cry, and I don't know why. Today was my fiancé day off of work and we were suppose to go out to eat and just have a relaxing day and I just couldn't and he was so supportive and ok with it that it made me feel even worse. I just didn't feel like doing anything today, no cooking, cleaning, moving, or even being around my kids one point. I have also been extremely tired with my son waking up when ever he wants now. So everything together kind of contributed to this day. I hope everyone had a better day than me!!
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Parenting 3
Am I a bad mother to need a break from my kids
? like mothers day is soon and I already know what I want. I told my fiancé I want a booked hotel room for a weekend friday night to Sunday night just for me. no kids not father in law and no fiancé for the whole weekend. is that too much to ask for because I don't think it is. Im at home 24/7 with a baby and a toddler and an elderly father in law. I desperately need a break or I feel like I'm going to snap and its like no one understands that or they look at me like why? and that pisses me off so much, like so much! its like im not allowed to complain or bitch or be in a bad mood because they think that staying home is a privilege. in out case its not. only reason why I'm not working is because we both have anxieties with sending our kids to school or daycare if they can't talk yet. like my 4 year old is so good with her words so this year she will be starting school. my 2 year old is barley speaking yet so he will be home still and no its not how everyone does it, but I really don't give a shit how people do things this is what we are comfortable with. I don't trust people with my kids and especially when my kids can't talk or explain in their own words what or if something happens to them while with an authority figure that I leave them with.
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Parenting 2
I know we are suppose to break the cycle when it comes to parenting our kids but how? like my up bringing was so hard and abusive and never understood why. I don't hit my kids but I don't believe in gentle parenting. I have seen so many mothers do the gentle parenting and their kid slaps them in the face lol! hell no that couldn't be me. when it comes to your elders like your mom and dad and grandparents and aunts and uncle you hit them in the face I'm definitely going to whoop that ass! not beat! just whoop that ass lol! its about respect that's all I ask for. I let my kids have their own opinions and follow their heart and make their own decisions when it comes to certain things. I let them have their feelings and don't judge them when they do. I tell them to speak up and always use their words. I already know I've broken the cycle from what my parents did for me and my siblings. my thing is how do I get over my frustration and anxiety with dealing with my kids? I'm a stay at home mom with two babies 2 and 4. and I don't drive and husband works all the time, so small story short I'm home all the time with two babies that's it. I don't get a break I don't get to breathe or do anything I want to do for me. I have to wait until midnight to even get on my laptop or xbox and by then I'm exhausted from the day. I feel trapped and suffocated. so much so that my patience is thin and when there is too much fighting and screaming my body shuts down and anxiety kicks in. I wish it didn't happen but it does and I don't know what to do to fix it. Any tips to tricks would be much appreciated!
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The whale!
I have watched many movies in my life. I could say I'm some what of a movie buff. I'm a very emotional person who has had many horrible, terrible, and emotional things happen in my life. I'm a pisces, an empath, and a mother. so when I feel I feel hard. when I'm happy I'm so happy. when im mad I'm so mad, and when I'm sad I'm extremely sad. I feel energies and can kind of tell the future some would say. the movie I just encountered “ The Whale” is by far the most amazing, best movie I have ever watched in my 32 years of life. I felt every emotion high and low. The meaning and the story was such an amazing thing to watch unfold with major help from the amazing Brendan Frasier and Sadie sink, I can't imagine anyone not liking thins movie or at least falling madly in love with the acting. through out the whole movie the feelings and the moments are there and now I definitely see why this amazing maser piece won so many awards. it was truly a work of art!
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