#/ i was fine until about 8 and then it's been unbearable since then

[eiiskonigin-a]

I am in ✨ so much pain ✨

So, long story short, I broke a tooth and I need to get it taken care of ASAP. Hopefully I'll be able to get into an emergency dentist pretty quickly here, but until then my activity will be in bursts because when the pain acts up, it is... unbearable. Luckily once they take it, I should only be off for like a day while I deal.

#/ i was fine until about 8 and then it's been unbearable since then #/ i broke the tooth a bit ago but it wasn't causing me any pain #/ and my fear of dentists made me go ''no pain = no problem'' because i'm ~stupid~ #/ anyway everybody hope the dentist gets back to me quickly ;w; #( ooc ) / ✦ head of the winter schnee simp society .

[wandamaximoffsbadgirl]

prompt 8 and 14 (shy readers first time) and moms bsf wanda

You Were Red and You Liked Me Because I Was Blue

Mom's bsf!Wanda Maximoff x shy!innocent!Romanoff!fem!reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: 18+, MDNI, W calls herself Mommy, use of pet names, W fingers R

A/N: I worked on this all day while I didn't feel good and I have a killer headache at the moment so if I missed any warning I'm sorry. I can't think anymore.

The air was cold, without snow falling to distract you it felt unbearable to be waiting for your ride back home for break. Unfortunately you mom was off on a work trip until 3 days before Christmas so instead her best friend, Wanda would be picking you up.

Normally Wanda would have also been preoccupied this time of year, but since her and Vision finalized their divorce and custody of the boys, Vision would be getting them Christmas break first.

You couldn't imagine what that must be like for Wanda. Suddenly after 10 years of family tradition she was alone again and Wanda being alone was never a good thing. You'd known Wanda for a long time. After Natasha helped take down the red room she'd taken you, the youngest widow on the ship under her wing. The day you gained Natasha as a mom, you also gained an aunt Yelena. You had always heard stories of the famous Black Widow that got away and you'd seen Yelena training with others the greatest child assassin the world has ever known. Though you know her now as Auntie Lena who eats Mac and cheese straight out of the pot.

You're pulled out of your thoughts when you see the familiar red subaru ascent. Wanda pulled up with a smile as you opened up the trunk to set your luggage in before quickly getting in the passenger seat with a shiver. Wanda pulled you into her arms, your body instantly heating from her contact.

“Hi sweetheart. How was the flight in?” She asked near your ear, making your heart skip a beat as you pulled back, trying to calm your body down.

“It was fine. Better than having you drive five hours to come grab me.” You told her as you put on your seat belt.

“I wouldn't have minded a 5 hour road trip with you sweet girl.” You bit the inside of your cheek at her words, choosing to stare out the window as she pulled away from the airport.

With Wanda's help you brought your luggage into the house and headed to your room to finally lie down and stretch out. The flight was only an hour and a half and the car ride back was about a half hour. You had barley acknowledged Wanda when she said about her starting on dinner instead choosing to go shower and clean yourself up.

You'd been told that even though you're an adult your mom wanted Wanda there with you. She said it was so you could keep an eye on the other. For Wanda it was so you'd stay out of trouble and for you it was to keep Wanda company. Natasha knew what it was like for Wanda to be alone.

What you and Natasha didn't know though was Wanda had fawned over you since she met you. When Natasha first introduced you and Yelena you always hid away. A little mouse making little to no noise as you moved. Even your thoughts were quiet to Wanda. It was something she found solace in around you. She knew what had happened to you and the other widows. Though you were next step of perfecting what Drekovy wanted out of the widows, total control they had perfected and for you, the only survivor of your age group, an enhanced super soldier serum. It gave you all the same enhancements as Steve and Bucky, but you stayed small, unassuming so no one ever saw you coming.

“Y/N! Dinner's ready sweet girl!” Wanda called up as you looked over yourself in the mirror, the scars lining your arms, shoulders, chest. They were everywhere.

You took the stairs two at a time, hair still damp, but Wanda's cooking smelt too good to keep her waiting. She looked up from moving things from the counter to the dining table. Natasha always used to have these ‘family meals’ where her parents, Yelena, Wanda, Vision, and the boys would come over. They stopped happening when Wanda and Vision decided to get the divorce. A smile was on Wanda's face,

“I made your favorite. Help me move it over to the table.” You happily helped out so the two of you could eat dinner together.

As Wanda was cleaning up and insisting that you go relax on the couch and get a movie ready you watched her from the couch, forgoing a movie and putting on The Office instead. You needed the background noise because to you your thoughts felt so loud that Wanda must be able to hear you if you didn't have something distracting her.

As she finished up and sat next to you she gave no indication of hearing your thoughts which she often did to those around her. Her arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you against her as if you were two magnets. You bit the corner of your lips trying to watch the show.

You knew Wanda was experienced obviously, she has twins. You on the other hand haven't even gotten the opportunity to kiss a girl or a boy or anyone because from the day you met Wanda all you ever wanted was her. You'd never tell her that though.

She was with Vision when you met her nearly 13 years ago. With everything that happened after that with Thanos and then defeating him without the loss of half the population you could just live life normally for the first time.

Wanda's hand found your thigh, rubbing gently as she watched the show, one the two of you have watched multiple times over the years. You enjoyed sitcoms like she did along with being introduced to reality TV which is just a guilty pleasure really.

“W-Wands…” your voice was barely a whisper and Wanda pretended not to hear you. Not even when you started squirming under her touch as her hand grew closer to your hot center. Her hand squeezed you as you let out a little whimper. “Wands…” you tried again, trying to be louder, but you couldn't. Once again your plea goes unacknowledged as her pinky brushes against your clit, your hands fly down to her wrist. She finally looks at you. You don't dare look at her.

“What's wrong sweet girl?” She asks so innocently as if she has no idea what she's doing.

“W-Wands…I…you…” you fumble with your words. Her other hand reaches your chin, forcing you to look at her.

“What about us sweet girl?” You open your mouth, but nothing comes out. She pulls you onto her lap, her hands resting on your hips. “Just watch the show sweet girl. Let Mommy play.” You felt like fireworks went off in your stomach. Sure you'd heard the boys call Wanda Mommy and yeah you'd heard her call herself Mommy over the years, but never in the tone she just used and never directed at you.

You felt like everything on you was burning except for Wanda's hands that were always cold and clad in rings. You did as told keeping your eyes on the screen until you felt her hand push past your waistband. Your hands once again grabbing her wrist, not because you didn't want her to, you really wanted her too. You were nervous.

“W-Wands…I've never…” Wanda moved forward, tilting her head to look at you.

“Not ever at college?” She questioned. You shook your head.

“N-not even a kiss…” you admitted. Wanda's hand leaving your shorts and moving to your face.

“These precious lips haven't kissed anyone else?” You shook your head, “So I'll be your first?” She asked pulling you closer. All you could manage as your heart pounded was a soft ‘mhmm’ before her lips touched yours.

As her lips meet yours, it's a gentle yet electrifying sensation, sending waves of warmth cascading through you. Wanda's touch is tender, guiding you through this unfamiliar territory with ease and patience. With each fleeting moment, you feel yourself melting into her embrace, the world around you fading into the background.

When Wanda pulls back, there's a brief moment of hesitation, as if time itself is holding its breath. You find yourself lost in her gaze, a mixture of emotions swirling within you – anticipation, vulnerability, and a newfound courage. Slowly, a soft smile tugs at the corners of Wanda's lips, her eyes sparkling with tenderness.

With a gentle brush of her fingers against your cheek, Wanda whispers words of reassurance, her voice a soothing melody in the stillness of the room. And as you lean into her touch, a sense of peace settles within you.

The night carried on without Wanda trying to slip past your shorts instead she kept stealing kisses late into the night before deciding it was time for bed. It was when you moved you could feel just how wet you'd before and you freeze, your thighs smacking tightly together. Wanda stopped, a tug on your hand.

“What's wrong sweet girl?” She looked back at you, confusion etched on her face.

“It…its..icky…” you squirmed and Wanda smirked, taking two steps towards you.

“Don't worry my sweet girl,” she tilted your head up, “Mommy is going to take good care of you.” Her breath against your lip, her voice sweet and thick with her accent, the one you heard all those years ago. Your legs want to turn to jelly.

Wanda wasn't expecting you to stay quiet once her fingers slipped past your wet folds, but you did. Little breathy moans, small whimpers, tiny pleas fell past your lips as your face burned and your eyes screwed shut.

“Don't close your eyes Detka. Look at me.” You could only obey with her voice sounding the way it did. You looked at her, she smiled at you and only picked up her pace.

You squirmed and felt like you were going to burst as you whimpered and tried to get away, but she held you there. You tried closing your legs, but she held them open.

“Open your legs Detka. I wanna see you.” Her nails dug into your thigh.

“F-feels weird…” you squeaked out.

“You're gonna cum for Mommy it'll make you feel better. Go on. Let it happen.” As if your body was waiting on her word, that coil inside of you snapped. Your back arched as your eyes rolled back. “That's a good girl…Mommy’s good girl.” Her fingers slowed down before leaving you. Your eyes closed but soon enough Wanda was helping you sit up.

“Water sweet girl. Take a few sips.” You did as told, knowing Wanda always knew best. When she felt you had enough she tapped your cheek and you let go.

She helped you clean yourself up, the cool towel feeling nice against your hot skin and then into pajamas which only consisted of an old band t-shirt of Wanda's and a pair of your panties. As she got the two of you settled into your bed, holding you against her chest. Her fingers moved through your hair as your eyes began to flutter she spoke,

“We're going to have a lot of fun until your mom comes home.” You smiled against her skin. You almost hoped she wouldn't be home for Christmas if it meant more time playing like this with Wanda.

#ley speaks #ley writes #ley requests #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x fem!reader #wanda x you #wanda x reader #mommy wanda #shy!reader #innocent!reader #fem!reader

[cntloup]

After almost four months of working for Simon, you take a maternity leave... and your feelings for him start to bubble up

Simon bumps into you, a troubled woman whose boyfriend kicked her out after he found out she's pregnant

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

He holds you, gently rubbing your back as your stomach heaves and you throw up your lunch. You're in your third trimester and it’s been hell for you. 

You sob onto his chest while clinging to him, from the agonizing pain in your abdomen and the unbearable nausea. 

“Shh, it’s ok, luvie. I've got you.” he coos, holding you tighter and cradling your head against his chest as you bawl your eyes out. 

Even though your mind is somewhat dazed, your heart still flutters at the nickname. 

In almost four months of working as his assistant, you slowly drifted closer and closer to each other.

But you still don't know if you'd call yourselves friends or not, it's something more, yet less than what you wish to be.

After a few minutes spent on the bathroom floor in his office, you finally calm down a bit. 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t think I can work like this.” you apologize sheepishly while looking up at him through glossy eyes, still in his arms. 

“That’s fine. You'll be on leave until you’re ready.” he says, looking back at you through hooded eyes. 

“Really? There's no problem with that?” 

“Yeah. It's ok. We'll get a substitute for now. The leave is with pay of course so no worries about money problems.” he responds and you throw your arms around him happily and hug him as well as you can with your swollen tummy, “Oh, Simon! Thank you so much.” 

“ ‘s nothin’.” he replies while hugging you back. 

“You can come stay with me, you know?” he mentions as he pulls away to look at you, your hair disheveled and your eyes puffy and red while sitting on the bathroom floor after throwing up for nearly half an hour, but oh how he still adores you... in this state... or in any state to be honest. 

“Are you sure?” you whisper, throat too hoarse to speak any louder. 

“I’m sure.” he replies sternly with a nod and you gaze into his eyes gratefully. 

“I’ll help you pack up.” he adds, taking your silence and the look you just gave him as a yes. 

“Thank you.” you say and try to get up, but fail miserably with your huge belly and utter exhaustion. 

He gets up first and helps you up, “Careful, luv.” he murmurs as you stumble a bit, wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you steady. 

He helps you gather your stuff and carefully walks you to his car to drop you off at his place, his hand finding your waist and the other one holding yours.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be fine alone?” he asks with concern as he pulls up into his driveway. 

“Yes, I'm gonna be fine for a few hours. In fact, I'm gonna take a nap.” you respond reassuringly with a smile. 

“Take care, luv.” he smiles and you wave goodbye. 

He leaves as you step inside the house and close the door. 

You lean against the door and let out a squeal and giggle like a schoolgirl. 

And you don’t even know why. Is it the hormones? Is it him? 

It’s been a while since he’s making you feel some type of way. 

You settle on the couch to take a nap, not wanting to take up his bed even though you know he wouldn’t mind. But still, it feels like an invasion of his privacy. 

You don’t get much sleep as your mind and heart are encompassed by him. 

You keep tossing and turning. For hours. Even though you’re utterly exhausted. 

Until he returns home and walks over to you, “Hey... why didn't you sleep on the bed?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows.

“Well, I didn’t really sleep at all.” you mumble as you try to get up, looking at him over the back of the couch.

“Why? You ok?” he asks with a concerned look etched on his face as he helps you sit up on the couch and he sits beside you. 

“I’m fine, Si. It's just that... the hormones are making me feel weird is all.” you ramble, not really knowing how to answer him, also using the nickname which he insisted on you using. It just makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Do you need to go to the doctor?” he questions further, worry creeping up on him. 

“No. It's fine. I'll take some pills and try to get some sleep. Don't worry.” you try to play it cool and shrug it off.

He gently carries you to bed and brings your meds, sitting on the edge of the bed and handing them to you with a glass of water. 

“Get some rest, luv. I'll make you something to eat.” he mutters while tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear as you lie down, eyes locked onto one another, making your heart skip a beat.

You let out a sigh and shut your eyes after he leaves, in hopes of getting even a little bit of much-needed sleep.

#simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #cod x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost x reader #ghost riley #ghost simon riley #cod fanfic #ghost cod #cod ghost #ghost call of duty #call of duty #cod mw2 #cod #mw2 #cod modern warfare

[pbandjesse]

I had jury duty today! I did not get to be on a jury but it was so close! I was literally one number away, I was next in line!! Wild. Today was a lot of waiting.

It wasn't a bad day but it did start in a pretty stressful way. I woke up around 630 after not being able to fall asleep until almost 2. I just laid there since I didn't have to be awake until 7. But then James came in and they were like. Your alarm didn't go off! Your phone won't turn on! And they were just so stressed. I was trying to figure out what was going on but also I was not awake yet and trying not to melt down.

I walked James through how to log into my tablet to get my jury info so I could have that on my tablet if my phone wasn't going to work.

I went and got dressed and once I was ready we sat down to see what was up with my phone. James kept saying they would go get me a new one and I was like that is not productive if we don't know what happened to this one. And thankfully we were able to find a reddit post that said how to get it to work and it did work. Held the power button down for 30 seconds and it came right back. Fully charged. No idea why it has a frozen black screen. Bizarre. At least that was solved.

James drove me to the court house. I liked my outfit a lot today. And it was a good choice for today. It was stupidly cold. I could have worn more layers when I was outside but for in the court house I was very comfortable.

Getting there before 8 as absolutely the move though because I got in and got through the line and paid so quickly. They give you $30 now. And everyone was pretty nice to me so I wasn't as anxious as I have been in the past.

I got a seat in a good room. And read for an hour. I was doing a pretty good job of reading, then scrolling on TikTok, then doing some emailing and searching for other houses for us to see. The offers for the house we saw on Sunday were due tonight. And we got that in right at the end of the day. So that's up to the universe now, but I wanted to have some more to look at if this one doesn't work out. Can't fall into despair!

At 830 the first announcements would happen. The TV screen was incredibly loud. To the point where people were all covering their ears and someone tried to figure out of the screens had volume control. It was a little unbearable. Eventually it would get lower but the announcements were horribly loud.

They played two movies today. Hidden figures and the new Annie. I think they play Hidden Figures every time I have been at jury duty. It is always a good watch though and I enjoyed it extra with all the older black women having a running commentary the entire time. No sarcasm, they were a delight to listen to.

A group got called a few minutes after 9 but not my number. I just tried to be comfortable and read. My legs were aching a bit and my nose was very dry which made me sniffly. But I was alright and it was not a bad morning. I was hoping I would be called to a jury but no luck before the lunch break.

I decided I wouldn't leave because it was cold outside. James had packed me snacks. I went to the bathroom and washed my hands and was surprised how packed the little bathroom was. But it was fine. Washed hands, walked the floor a little, and went back to the room.

The break went until 145. And since they weren't playing the movies anymore I had quiet to read my book. I have less then 100 pages left but I got a lot done. Honestly the end here is stressing me out really bad so I'm finding it hard to read it straight through. I keep reading a little and putting it down for a few minutes. It's hard when the main character is the bad guy.

When people started coming back the movie would come back on. And pretty quickly they were calling another group. And I was in this one!

About 150 of us were called to go to the second building across the street. We had to turn off our phones and it would be a very long process.

The walk over wasn't bad. It was surprisingly cold.we had to go upstairs and went to a fancy room. Probably trh fanciest one I've been in.

This part took a long time. First they had to call all of our numbers. Remember there are at least 150 of us. So that took a while. They there were the questions. And the once all the questions were answered we had to go up to talk to the judge and give our answers if we said yes to anything.

I had to say yes to two things. First that I had served in a jury in 2018. And second that my sister was in jail. The judge asked what her charges were and after I told her I said "she was sort of a gangster" which made the defendant laugh. So I got an accused attempted murderer to laugh so that was pretty great.

We were back there from 2 until 530. This was pretty rough. I chatted with the guy who sat next to me. And with some people around me. I would read a bit. I secretly turned my phone back on to check in with James. They were coming to pick me up but we're just waiting in the car somewhere and I felt bad. But they said it was all good. And they would take me to dinner after they got me.

The part where groups had to stand up in front and the lawyers got to say yes or no was interesting. But took forever. They would both agree on someone and then a few minutes later change their mind. I really wanted to be on the jury. But no dice. The guy who had the next closest number to me went up and was chosen and then it was over. I was only slightly disappointed.

I let James know I was free and they let me know they would meet me at the corner. So I made it outside and was really cold!! But I didn't have to wait long.

I was very happy to see James. And they were happy to see me. We talked about the offer on the house. And the excitement and my feelings about people's opinions. About how I feign flightiness but I don't actually do anything without planning things out and making sure I have thought them through. James says that my Ed didn't raise a fool. Which made me laugh.

We went to five below for dinner. And it was good. We are peanuts and talked about moving and work and the holidays. We are our food and tried the seasonal sodas. It was fun. And then we went next door to get a dessert. James got donuts and I got a milkshake. I chatted with a mom who dropped her tissue pack. And me and James kept pointing at the ice cream flavors and saying "that's you". Just being silly.

We got home and I was super thrilled to be back. I felt gross and would take a long bath which made me feel a little better. But being in bed was the biggest help. And that's where me and James are now. I painted my toes. James tried to bake their bread but the oven wouldn't turn on. We will contact Tina about that again tomorrow because it seems to have gotten worse. Which is unsafe.

Now though it is time for sleep. I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. It has been so long! And then we have our ceramics class. It will be a long day but I'm looking forward to that.

Sleep well everyone. Be safe and be kind.

[lilyevanstan1325]

✨ Astral Lovers ✨

Chapter 8

Steve POV

"I'm sorry Steve.I swear I would have spent my life with you if it had been possible"

This is the only sentence that has been ringing in my head since the jet took off.

Before the sun rose this morning, we headed out of New York to one of the hangars belonging to S.H.I.E.L.D.

As promised by Natasha no one asked any questions and Fury had already prepared everything we needed for us.

Now we are in flight, sitting in religious silence.

Natasha is at the controls.

Bucky, on the other hand, keeps giving me anxious glances, believing that I don't notice.

I think he is afraid I might have a mental breakdown at any moment.

The first to speak since the jet took off is Nat.

"Ok guys, the course is set.We are flying off the radar and the audio and video recording devices are disabled.There is no evidence or trace of what we are doing.Arrival is expected in about 40 minutes"

I sigh.

I feel relieved.

The fewer people involved in this, the better.

What if it turns out that Lily is dangerous?

What if she can't come into contact with our world?

Ever since Nat put this thing into my head, I can't rest easy.

Actually, I should have already thought about it myself.

The way she moves between space/time is not a normal human ability.

If we add to the fact that she does it unconsciously it is even more concerning.

What would be the extent of her power if she used it consciously?

Is she really that dangerous or is she in the hands of the wrong people?

I really don't know what would be worse.

"Thank you Natasha" I say with a smile that does not reach my eyes.

"Please Buck stop looking at me like this, you freak me out"

I sigh heavily as I free myself from the safety harness.

I get up and start nervously towards the tail Bucky makes my own gestures and follows me.

"Sorry buddy, I just want to make sure you're okay" he admits.

"Whatever we find here today won't be easy"

"I know" I admit.

"I think I've been mentally prepared for the worst"

"Please will you stop?Why the hell do you have to act like a drama queen?You're unbearable"

Nat lets us know what she thinks of us from her desk.

"Oh I'm sorry if it doesn't seem like a good idea to fill his head with everything will be fine bullshit!We are adults and aware, it is better to be ready for anything" my best friend snaps.

The redhead rolls her eyes without giving him time to finish his speech, which she immediately replies.

"Even thinking about the worst doesn't help either.Can we just wait and see how things turn out?You're a little too gloomy Barnes"

"For God's sake, would you two want to stop?"

I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Why do you have to fight about everything?"

They look like two kindergarten children.

Natasha engages the autopilot and after getting up she walks over to me.

She puts a hand on my arm.

"Sorry Steve.We're all a little nervous"

"Romanoff is right.This trip is an unknown and today we could find answers to questions that maybe we shouldn't even know"

Bucky looks out and keeps talking.

"What if we stir something big with our curiosity?Things like time and space travel can attract the attention of the wrong people.And we are only three"

"Three of the best"

the former Russian spy points out.

Bucky smiles joylessly.

"We may be the best but we are still three.I think we should have told someone else in case we needed help.I know you don't want anyone to know anything about her until we have a big picture of the situation, I'm only concerned for your safety"

I understand Bucky's concern.

"I know bro but I can assure you that if the situation were to precipitate I would not hesitate to contact the base.Or S.H.I.E.L.D. Your safety comes first for me" I say.

A beep warns us that we are almost at our destination.

Each of us takes our place again.

Nat takes off the autopilot and resumes the controls.

We are flying over Indiana, the green extends visibly.

Nat is looking for a fairly flat spot to land and hide our jet.

Right on the edge of the city of Brookville are dense clusters of trees.

Natasha is an excellent pilot and with a few maneuvers, fast and clean, she manages to land in the middle of a small clearing hidden among the trees.

Before going down we better hide our weapons under the civilian clothes we wear.

I opted for light jeans and a blue sweatshirt, hidden under the sweatshirt is a gun.

I hate guns but Natasha insisted that none of us three were totally unarmed.

And my shield cannot go unnoticed so the gun seemed to me the best alternative.

I lower the visor of my baseball cap to my eyes and adjust my glasses to my nose.

We must try to go unnoticed as much as possible.

Three Avengers running around town would attract too much attention.

Natasha wears simple black leather pants and a white tank top and a brown leather jacket with a hood that she has arranged to lift over her head.

Under her jacket she hides her inevitable and adored batons.

Bucky instead wears dark jeans and a red sweatshirt.

He also opted for a baseball cap.

Inside the belt of his trousers are his knives.

We walk towards the edge of the city.

Watchful and attentive looks.

It all seems pretty quiet.

The roads are not very busy, at this time of the day most of the people are at work.

The street is lined on both sides by low-rise buildings, mostly built with mornings ranging from red to orange.

There is peace.

Quiet.

The opposite of New York.

We walk a few more minutes and a sign tickles my memory.

I slow down until I stop, my teammates don't notice it.

"Cougars Bar" I whisper.

This is the bar where she told me she works.

"Hey guys, stop" I yell calling for their attention.

They stop abruptly, looking around, and then turn their full attention to me.

With my hand I signal them to join me.

"This is the bar where she works, or in the end she should work there"

I am anxious.

"Ok, let's go in.I recommend casually.Let's order something and try to gather as much information as possible" Bucky begins confidently.

I envy him.

In this moment I lose all my self-confidence.

We go in and take a seat at the table further down near the window.

From here we have a great view of everything.

A very tall, muscular man with short red hair approaches us.

"Hi I'm Jhon.Welcome to the Cougars Bar.What can I bring you?"

"Three coffees.Two blacks, one with milk.Thanks"

This time it's Nat talking.

I can't seem to say a word, mentally I'm zoned out.

The man marks our order, his muscular arms full of tattoos which seem to dance on his skin following the rhythm of the pen that scratches on the paper.

"I'll be right back" so he says he walks away.

"How the hell do we get out of here?" Bucky begins

"Did you see how big that guy is?You ask the wrong question and he beats you to hell"

"What's Barnes, fear?" teases the redhead.

I join her laugh.

"I'm not scary, my arm is in vibranium and the super soldier serum runs through my veins!I'm just saying we have to do everything we can to stay under the radar.I have a bad vibes, guys"

After a while Jhon comes back with the coffees.

"Quiet morning" begins Natasha blinking her long lashes in the direction of the bartender.

"Yes, it's always like this here.For the partying you have to wait for the weekend.Brookville is a peaceful and quiet little town.You're not from here, are you?I don't think I've ever seen you" Jhon seems intrigued.

"No we're just passing through.We wanted to say hello to an old friend of ours.We know he lives here in Brookville but we don't have his home address"

I try to appear as relaxed as possible, so I continue.

"Let's just say that for 20 minutes we have been practically spinning around in circles"

All three are giggling a little.

"Here, we all know each other.Maybe I can help you"

Perfect.

He took the bait.

At that moment another customer enters the bar.

Jhon apologizes by promising to come back immediately and walks away to serve the new customer.

"I think it's better to ask about the father, let's not talk about her.Let's take it away"

Nat suggests.

Bucky nods.

"Ok here we are, he's coming back" I mutter between my teeth.

The other customer is sitting at the counter enjoying his coffee.

"Who are you looking for?" Jhon asks us.

"We're looking for Dr. Ross.Philiph Ross"

Jhon's expression changes.

That's not a good sign.

"The doctor doesn't live here anymore, I'm sorry"

Damn

"Couldn't give us some more news?"

I hear Bucky ask.

Do I notice the guy at the counter watching us?Will he have recognized us?

"No I'm sorry" all traces of kindness and cordiality have disappeared, replaced by a wall of hostility.

Jhon walks away with great strides.

His shoulders hunched.

It seems that the topic of this speech has aged him 20 years.

I knew this could have happened but I still feel overwhelmed by the events.

She is not here.

Who knows where she is.

Heartbroken I sigh, better not to push any further.

I nod to the others, it's time to go.

I'll find my answers elsewhere.

We pay for our coffees and greet him as if nothing had happened.

Once outside I tear off my glasses and hat.

I furiously run my hands through my hair.

What trouble am I getting into?

Am I chasing my friends in that trouble?

Nat is about to speak when a voice behind us reaches us.

He's the guy who walked into the bar after us.

"You have to excuse Jhon but despite 10 years have passed he is still very shaken by the Ross family thing.We all are a little bit.Follow me" he waves us his hand and crosses the street.

Bucky shakes his head as if to say don't bullshit, stay here! but obviously I doesn't listen to him.

This may be the only chance for a good lead.

I follow the man and my two friends, after exchanging a worried glance, follow me.

A few meters further there is a cemetery.

The man enters and stops in front of the first tombstones.

They are of white marble.

Shiny and full of fresh flowers.

Gilded engravings to enrich them.

I reach the mysterious man and stop beside him.

"There was a big explosion in the pharmaceutical company where Dr. Ross worked 10 years ago"

The man begins his story.

Bucky and Nat are behind us.

"That day with him were his wife Sophia and his daughter Lily.That poor girl was just 15 years old, she went to school with my son Paul.They found their bodies under the rubble only after 2 days of searching.It was an immense pain for the community.Sophia and Lily were very similar.Beautiful, good.Two kind and sunny women.Philiph was destroyed.A year later he left Brookville and no one ever saw him again.Until 2 years ago we learned the news of his suicide.A horrible end, a wonderful family destroyed"

My vision becomes blurred.

I feel wavering.

In front of me is her tombstone, her name engraved on it.

I feel Bucky's strong hands assert me by the shoulders, his voice seems far away.

Muffled.

"It's okay pal, breathe"

I hear Natasha exchanging a few more words with the man and thanks him, he goes away throwing me worried looks.

I feel like I'm going to throw up, my head is spinning.

I can't breath.

I feel my friend's hands pushing me down, shortly after I feel the fresh grass beneath me.

Natasha's face appears in my field of vision, fear and sorrow in her eyes.

She gently tries to make me lower my head between my legs.

I hear the words panic attack and immediately understand their intentions.

Therefore I indulge them.

I lift my knees and put my head in the middle, raise my arms to cover my head.

I try to breathe deeply.

After what seems like hours to me I feel in control of myself again but I can't look up at my friends.

I am ashamed of how I feel, how I am reacting.

I feel their eyes on me.

I take a last deep breath and look up at them.

In their eyes there's so much pain for me.

"It's late"

My words are just a slight broken sound.

I clear my throat, feeling the tears push behind my lowered eyelids.

"She no longer exists"

"Do you really want to give up like this?"

I look at my best friend without understanding.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do brother? Jesus Christ!She died!What the fuck do you want me to do?"

I'm screaming with all the anger in my body.

I know it's not his fault, I shouldn't scream at him.

"Don't do that, don't beat yourself up.We keep searching,digging"

"Bucky what the hell are you saying?But are you listening to yourself?"

"And you?Are you listening?We both saw her, did she look like a 15-year-old girl?Did we see a ghost?" he laughs without enthusiasm.

"Wherever she is now she is a grown woman, and maybe she is also in danger.We won't give up like this, not now!"

I can't think rationally, I can't go on with this now.

I stand up, my gaze fixed on her tombstone.

Elisabeth Ross, loving daughter.Sweet and loyal friend.

08/13/1996 ~ 09/15/2011

Bucky is about to speak again but Nat stops him, puts a hand on his chest.

"Not now James, let's leave him alone for a few minutes" she grabs his hand and drags him a little further.

James?

It's really weird.

Nobody ever calls him that, much less her.

I watch them go away.

He talks, gesticulating animatedly as Natasha watches him with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

When he calms down she places a hand on his shoulder, a hand that he promptly covers with his hand.

A sweet gesture, two intertwined glances that are communicating without the need for words.

At that moment I understand.

A sweet smile breaks my mask of pain.

Was I too busy with myself and my problems to notice what was going on around me?

I'm a really bad friend.

I sigh.

I turn my gaze back to her name engraved on the white marble.

Bucky is right.

She can't be dead.

The woman I met, who I held close to me, who I kissed is an adult.

She knows when we are.

She doesn't know where.

And her mother's death does not coincide with the story she told me.

And according to her, her father is still alive.

There is something strange about this whole story.

Too weird.

I stroke the tombstone.

"I will find you.That's a promise"

And with this whispered promise I return to my friends.

We are on the jet, we are about to land in New York.

The return journey was particularly quiet.

Not even the redhead has tried to get close to me, she knows perfectly well that this is not the time.

I'm trying not to think about Lily, I can't do this now.

I need to detach myself from everything to try to lucidly analyze everything we have discovered today.

So to distract myself I look at my friends.

How did I don't figure it out?

Of course I don't expect someone like Nat to break out on me on a topic like that but Bucky...we have always told each other everything.

Why didn't he tell me about this?

Are they afraid of my negative reaction?

Absurd.

I am so happy for them.

I have to find a way to get they to tell me everything.

I'll try with Bucky, I wouldn't get a word out of Nat's mouth even if I put her under torture.

As soon as we land, Natasha greets some of her colleagues.

Meanwhile, Buck and I take a seat in the car.

"Is there something you have to tell me man?"

Bucky looks at me without understanding

"No, I don't think so.Why?"

"Are you sure?"

"Ok now you're scaring me.What the hell is wrong with you?"

He looks nervous.

Natasha is approaching.

Now or never.

"So you and Natasha...huh?"

Bucky chokes on his own saliva, starting to cough.

His eyes seem to want to get out of their sockets.

While he is still shaken by coughing spasms, the former Russian spy gets into the car, positioning herself in the driver's seat.

She looks in the rearview mirror.

"Are you okay Barnes?If you have to die please don't do it in my car"

I burst out laughing and Nat follows me but she doesn't know we're laughing for two totally different reasons.

If she knew why I laugh, she probably wouldn't laugh anymore.

In my pocket the phone buzz,I grab it and look at the screen.

A message from Bucky.

I smile.

Not a word Steve.I'll tell you everything you want to know.But please not a word in front of her.She'd tear my heart out of my chest without hesitation.

I put the phone back in my pocket.

I smile.

Will this be enough to get her out of my mind?

No but at least I'm trying.

Lily POV

It's been nearly two months since that damn day.

The moment I opened my eyes that morning all I did was cry.

I phoned Jhon and told him that I wasn't feeling well at all that day.

"Seasonal flu.Take a rest.We'll talk as soon as you recover" he replied as cordial as ever.

Even if it wasn't exactly a lie.

That day I had a lot of discomfort, so much so that at a certain point I thought I was dying.

A pain had radiated from my chest and I could barely breathe, so gathering all my strength I called my father at work.

He returned 15 minutes later with our doctor.

Dr. Flinch, a small and overweight man.

Kind and with a word of comfort always ready.

He had known me since I was a baby.

After a few checks it was revealed that my heart is fatigued.

Absolute rest the doctor's sentence.

My father adamant in his next move.

That is to call Jhon to tell him that for a while I would not be going to work anymore.

"For the moment it's better if you stay home.You have to rest"

These were the only words my father said on the matter.

Great.

That meant whole days with nothing to do but think about Steve.

The insult in addition to the damage.

Whenever I fell asleep, I woke up in New York.

Without having to think about it, without having to concentrate.

It was as if my mind knew very well where my heart wanted to be.

Not caring about the conscience screaming loudly to stop, that we would all get hurt in the end.

Over the past few months, I've seen he pretty much every single day.

In front of his house, in front of his favorite bar or in front of what I think is his workplace.

That big glass tower with a big stylized A on top.

I have also begun to take into consideration that he is real, that maybe I have an ability or a power?

I don't know how to define it...

somehow it transports me to other dimensions.

But all this changed nothing because at the end of the games I could not still live alongside him.

But it was enough for me to see him.

He was always in the company of James or Natasha.

Sometimes I saw him with another boy, dark skin and a bright smile, or with Sharon.

My chest hurts to see him with her but I'm glad that at least he has moved on.

Glad he's happy.

He is always nice to feel bad, he looks more muscular than I remembered and he has cut his beard.

I miss him so much.

What about me, Steve?

Do you miss me?

The answer is obviously no and I, as always, cry in a corner away from his eyes.

Its almost midnight.

I should go to bed but I don't want to, I'm afraid to see him again.

I can't live like this anymore.

I'm tired of seeing him and not being able to touch him, hug him.

Not to be able to kiss him.

God how I miss his lips.

I think about his kiss all the time...his mouth soft on mine.

His tongue that claims me with sweetness and possession.

I have to distract myself, think about other things.

I lean my back on the headboard and grab the book I left on the night stand the previous evening.

I begin to read another chapter of Pride and Prejudice, I reread the same paragraph three times but without understanding what is written there.

I am too tired.

And without even having time to think about it, I fall asleep.

This time when I open my eyes I find myself directly in front of the entrance doors of the tower.

I remain motionless for a few minutes.

I don't know what to do, the temptation to go in and look for Steve is great.

But I have to restrain myself.

What could I tell him?

I can't go to him like this after all this time.

Better walk away before anyone can see me.

I turn around but I can't take a single step that I collides with a hard chest.

Two hands grab me by the shoulders to avoid me to fall.

"Woah!Are you okay sweetheart?"

I look up and meet the gaze of a boy I have already seen.

One of Steve's friends.

Up close he is even more beautiful, dark skin smooth as silk and a smile that shines.

He looks at me smiling sweetly.

"I'm sorry but you moved so fast that I didn't have time to avoid you.Did you hurt yourself?" he asks me.

"No, it's okay.Excuse me instead!I didn't want to get on you like that!"

"You say that as if it were a bad thing for me"

A big smile on his lips and he winks at me.

I blush violently.

His hands are still on my arms.

After a few more seconds he lets me go and holds out his hand.

"I'm Sam, Sam Wilson by the way "

When he smiles his eyes smile too, small and adorable expression lines form on the sides of them.

"I'm Lily" I feel free to tell him my name, I don't think he knows who I am.

After all, why should he?

Why Steve would ever tell someone else about me?

"You were looking for someone?Are you lost?"

I don't know what to answer.

He sees the uncertainty in my eyes.

"Do you by any chance need help?Do you want me to call you someone?"

I'm about to answer when I see Natasha walking out of the tower at a fast pace.

"Sorry Sam but I really have to go.It was a pleasure"

I apologize quickly and leave as fast as I can.

I hear Natasha's footsteps behind me.

"Lily please stop!Let's talk for a moment"

I freeze on the spot.

She knows who I am.

I can't stay.

"Steve isn't there!" exclaims the woman behind me.

"Steve is not at the tower.Come with me.Let's have a chat you and I"

I have my heart in my throat, I can't turn to her.

She continues to speak to my back.

"Please, come back with me"

I sigh and finally I turn to look into her eyes.

"Thank you" she whispers with gratitude and relief.

We go back in absolute silence.

As soon as we enter, I am fascinated by the luxury that is around me.

"Is this place yours?"

Natasha throws her head back and laughs heartily.

"I'd like to.But noo, it's all Tony Stark's here.It's our headquarters.You know...the Avengers"

I don't answer.

We take the elevator and go up to the top floor.

We arrive in a corridor full of doors.

I assume they are bedrooms.

"Here are our private rooms.Follow me"

And I do.

At the penultimate door on the right Natasha stops.

She opens the door and invites me to enter.

The environment is bright and welcoming.

The room is really big and includes a small sitting room with a minibar attached.

Next to the large window there is a sliding door.

I think the bed and the bathroom are hidden behind that door.

"Take a seat" as she says so, she beckons me towards the large black leather sofa.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asks me with a big smile as soon as I sit down.

"Anything as long as it's strong"

Natasha bursts out laughing again.

God she is so beautiful!

Steve could very well lose his mind over such a woman.

Natasha has a beautiful face.

Green eyes and plump red lips like sin.

Her red hair looks like living flames framing her face.

Shapely and slender, her every movement exudes femininity and sex appeal.

I have the same sexy appeal as a potato instead.

"I have what you need" and with that she goes to the minibar and grabs two glasses and what appears to be a bottle of Kors Vodka, one of the most expensive on the market.

She pours me the first shot and I drink in one sip.

It is pure fire.

I cough but I welcome the sensation of warmth that spreads from my stomach.

Natasha follows me.

We repeat both the action.

Thanks to Vodka, I am the first to speak.

"How's Steve?"

I watch her carefully, her gaze worried about him.

She pours herself a third shot and swallows it.

"Not so good" she sighs heavily.

"Mostly he pretends to not worry us"

I feel terribly guilty.

I feel my eyes fill with tears.

"Hey listen, it's not your fault!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Lily you only did what you thought was right for you"

"Exactly.Right for me!"

Tears now run hot on my face.

I run a hand over my eyes in anger.

I don't want to sound pathetic and I don't want her pity either.

I keep talking.

"I didn't think about Steve or how he could be.I behaved selfishly"

"You didn't think it was real.What could you know?" the redhead replies while she watches me carefully.

She looks like she is studying me.

"Now you don't think that anymore.What has changed?"

"I don't know" I admit disconsolately

"In the last two months I have appeared in New York every single time I fell asleep.It cannot be a dream, or a coincidence.There is something in me, something I don't know and I cannot control.And if anyone can help me that someone is you"

There is a moment of silence between us.

My words, even if whispered, are deafening.

"Even though Steve hates me"

"What?" is Natasha's shocked response.

"How the hell can you come up with such an idea?"

I look down at my hands that are still holding the glass.

I feel devoured by shame.

"Lily?" Natasha's voice calls me softly.

I take my gaze into her, my heart beating frantically.

"Steve hasn't stopped looking for you for a moment.Neither me or Bucky"

"Oh Bucky...he hates me"

Both of us make a little smile.

"Nah...do you know that was him who insisted for looking for you?"

"Really?Why?"

I am genuinely impressed.

"Because he believes in the truthfulness of your feelings.And in Steve's"

Another tear escapes from my eyes.

Bucky is a really good guy.

Natasha waits patiently for me to absorb all this new information.

I am now asking her a question.

"You say you looked for me.So you went to Brookville.How can you not find me?"

I see the woman in front of me moving uncomfortably.

"Yes we stayed in Brookville but you weren't there.You and your father haven't lived there for a long time"

I don't have time to answer that a female, artificial voice spreads through the air around us.

"Agent Romanoff, Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes have just returned"

"Where are they now Friday?"

Natasha asks, Friday's voice immediately answers clear and precise.

"They are in the living room with Mr. Stark and Mr. Wilson"

"Ok, thanks Friday".

I panic, Natasha notices immediately.

She grabs me by the shoulders with strong and sure hands and she looks me straight in the eyes.

"Hey Lily listen to me.I can get you out of here without him noticing.Is that what you want?"

She looks at me so intensely that I can't hold her gaze.

"Is this what your heart really wants?"

I am about to respond when, for the second time in a few minutes, I am interrupted again.

But this time I don't have the time to understand what's going on.

The door opens violently, banging against the wall.

Natasha moves me behind her and stands in front of me with her arms outstretched, as if she were ready to shield me with her own body.

I just hear her whisper "What the hell..."

Steve POV

I am in the training room.

I've been punching the bag for over an hour.

I feel the sweat running down my back and stomach.

The forehead and hair also wet.

I better arrange the bandages on my hands and keep hitting.

I need to let off steam.

In my eyes only her face.

Her smiles.

Blow.

Her tears.

Blow.

She hugging me.

Blow.

She kissing me.

Blow.

And then the trip to Brookville.

That damn tombstone.

The punches become more constant and violent.

I review the hundreds of articles I have read about the accident at that pharmaceutical company.

Her name on that tombstone is the only thing I see.

I hit two more punches and the punching bag falls off the ceiling and flies across the room.

I remain motionless panting, my hands resting on my hips.

I hear footsteps behind me.

I know who he is, I don't need to turn around.

"Man what did that poor sack?" Bucky asks me.

I go to the bench and take a bottle of water, I drink it all in a few sips.

"Do you need something?"

I don't mean to be rude but he found me at the wrong time.

"I'm actually here to scold you and tell you that you're a bad friend"

I immediately look up at his face but I see that he smiles.

"I heard you had lunch with a friend when I have been asking you to go out for a beer for weeks and all you do is give me a no"

I sigh.

I'm sorry he feels left out.

"I'm sorry brother, I'm a bad friend"

"Nah...you are a very good friend because tonight you will come with me without making a fuss, right?"

More than an invitation, it looks like an order.

"Yes sir, at your orders Sergeant Barnes"

I do the military salute.

We both laugh.

"I still can't believe it.You and Natasha..."

I tell him laughing.

Bucky rolls his eyes.

"I don't know whether to take it as an offense.Why do you find it hard to believe?I am a very interesting person.I am beautiful.And I am good under the sheets" he exclaims with a wan smile.

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes.

"You know what I mean" I continue.

"I know, as I told you it all started by chance.At first it was just sex.Healthy and fun.Little by little it became more serious" my friend replies

"At least for me"

"You should talk about it seriously"

"She said she needs time, Steve!What else can I do?" so saying I notice his eyes are veiled with a slight sadness.

"You know better than me what Nat is like.Stay close to her and give her time"

I pat him on the back to console him.

"I am convinced that between you two it will work"

We have almost arrived at the Avengers Tower.

The night we spent in the bar was nice.

We hadn't done this in a while.

I've been neglecting my friends too much lately and they don't deserve it.

They've been as close to me as ever in these two months and the least I could do was give Nat that lunch and a night man at my best friend this evening.

We enter through the large doors and enter the elevator.

And when I thought I was feeling a little better, my brain shows signs of imbalance.

I swear I can smell her perfume.

This is not good.

We stop at the piano bar for a last beer before going to sleep and to our great surprise we realize that one of the sofas is occupied.

"Sam, man what are you doing here?Shouldn't you be in Washington?" I ask him.

Sam is seated, his right ankle resting on his left knee and a bottle of beer in his hands.

Next to him an impeccable Tony Stark, in one of his four-zero suits and in his hands a glass full of precious amber liquid.

"Hey guys!Change of plans.They postponed the meeting with the Secretary of State for tomorrow morning so evening free!" so saying he raises his beer in the air for an imaginary toast and takes a big sip.

Me and Bucky sit down with them.

Tony serves us a beer.

We all take a few sips in silence.

"Where's Nat?" I ask Tony

"How come she's not here with you?"

With this question I immediately catches Bucky's attention, I know he was wondering the same thing but he couldn't find the courage to ask.

Not to attract attention.

"She's in her room with a friend" Tony replies.

What?

A friend?

"And what a friend..." adds Sam.

"Petite, with a great ass.One I would gladly teach two moves!If you know what I mean" continues Sam.

We all laugh together.

He is like that.

Always ready to like a beautiful girl.

Always ready to fall in love with the beauty of the moment.

"But who is she?I've never seen anyone come to see her" Bucky murmurs and then takes a sip of his beer.

"Actually you're right Barnes.I've never seen her.She will be a friend from Washington" replies Tony thoughtfully.

"Sam?What did she tell you her name?"

"Her name is Lily" answer Sam after another sip of beer.

My heart stops for a few seconds and then starts beating in a furious and irregular way.

I jump up, the beer slips from my hands and crashes to the ground.

"Shit"

This is Bucky.

"All right Rogers?Are you okay?" Tony overlaps.

I can't answer him, I turn quickly and start running towards the upper floor.

I don't even take the elevator, I don't have the strength to stay still inside that big metal cage.

I hear Bucky running after me, calling out to me.

"Hey buddy, wait.Calm down!"

But I continue moving like a train, unstoppable.

I open the door to Natasha's room with unprecedented violence.

The noise of it reverberates within me.

I enter in the room with a few steps.

I see Natasha appear in front of me with her arms outstretched, hiding her from my eyes.

When she realizes it's me she relaxes a little.

"What the hell..." she whispers and then raises her voice, yelling at me.

"What the hell is wrong with you Rogers?Does this look like the way to get into other people's rooms?"

I can't pay attention.

I only have eyes for the wonderful creature that lurks behind her.

God I didn't remember she was so beautiful.

The heart seems to come out of my chest and a smile begins to rise on my lips.

"Honey..."

I whisper but my smile dies as quickly as it was born.

My heart stops as soon as I register her expression.

She isn't smiling, she doesn't look happy to see me.

Her beautiful eyes are wide open and full of panic.

I take another step towards her.

"Honey?"

This time I'm much more hesitant.

She instinctively takes a step back, hides a little more behind Nat.

My arms fall helpless along my body.

Why does she behave like this?

Natasha breaks the silence.

"Lily and I were chatting, James do you mind accompanying Steve to his room?"

I feel my best friend's hands grab my shoulders and exert a little pressure, pulling me back.

"C'mon man.Let's go!"

I oppose a bit of resistance.

I look for her eyes but she doesn't even look at me, she stares at the floor.

I feel my heart breaking.

I let Bucky push me out of the room, completely dazed.

When suddenly I hear a whisper.

It is her voice broken by tears.

Only one word.

"Wait!"

I see her overtake Nat and literally tear me out of Bucky's hands.

She throws her arms around me and starts sobbing against my neck.

It all happened so quickly that for a moment I don't know what to do.

I look at my friends, they both smile at me.

And so I do it.

I lean over her wrapping my arms around her back and squeeze her as tightly as I can.

She is so small and delicate in my arms.

I sink my face into her hair and breathes its essence.

They smell like wildflowers, those beautiful white and yellow flowers that fill the meadows in spring.

I get up taking her up with me.

Now her feet no longer touch the ground and holding her like this I take her to my room.

I desperately need to be alone with her.

Once in my room, I make her feet touch the floor again.

We stay hugged and she continues to cry.

I feel that I too can no longer hold back the tears.

And so I let myself go.

All the anxiety and frustration of the last few months slip away along with my tears.

She notices it and tilts her head back to look me in my eyes.

Her hands caress my neck and slowly descend on my chest where they rest delicately.

She raises a hand to wipe away a tear that hangs from the side of my face.

"I'm sorry Steve.Can you ever forgive me?" her is a barely audible whisper.

She looks like she's about to cry again.

I grab her hand, the one on my cheek, and kiss her palm.

Then the back of it.

I look intently into her eyes.

"You don't have to apologize for anything.You have nothing to be forgiven for"

I am sincere.

"Now I'm just happy to have you back with me"

"This time I want to stay"

My heart quickens his pace at her words .

We stay like that, eye to eye.

Blue and black that merge.

I grab her face in my hands, with my thumbs I caress her cheeks.

I kiss her forehead first, then the top of her head.

I desperately want to kiss her lips but I hold back.

I don't want her to feel pushed to go further.

I want to give her space.

I take her by the hand and make her sit on my bed.

"I have something for you"

I whisper softly to her.

I bend on my knee and from the drawer of the night stand I grab her little earring.

I open my hand in front of her sweet face and her eyes light up as soon as they see the little jewel in the center of my palm.

"Oh God" she exclaims and grabs it with a shaking hand.

"It's my mother's earring.I thought I lost it" she whispers.

"I found it in the bathroom of my house the night I saw you disappear in front of my eyes.When I saw it I had the confirmation that you were real.If I hadn't been, how could I have owned something of yours" I say.

She wears her earring and stares at me with teary eyes.

I am still kneeling in front of her.

"You're real" she whispers as she puts her hands on my face.

I immediately cover them with mine.

"You are real" she repeats smiling.

And she kisses me.

Gently, without haste.

"This is real.You and I"

I tell her and then I kiss her.

This time with more passion.

I get up on my feet and pull her up with me.

I kiss her with all the desperation I have.

I forcefully push my tongue into her mouth, I hear her moan softly.

My hands are now on her hips, digging my fingers into her flesh.

Afraid that she might disappear at any moment.

She lets herself be devoured by my mouth.

Her hands pull and stroke the hair on the back of my neck.

I detach myself from her and lean my forehead against hers.

We are both short of breath.

Lily pulls away from me to look me in the eyes.

"Natasha told me you stayed in Brookville but I wasn't there.I don't live here anymore"

I try to keep a serene expression.

She looks scared and worried.

When everything is clearer and we know the truth I will tell her everything.

Now she doesn't need to know what we found in Brookville.

"Don't worry about that.Wherever you are, I'll find you"

I reply softly.

"Now the only thing that matters is that we are together again"

I kiss her again and hug her.

Everything would be fine.

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#marvel #captainamerica #chrisevans #steve rogers #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction recommendation #captain america fanfiction #captain america x oc #chris evans fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x oc #astrallovers

[adivebelow]

my body

Everyday, I look at myself in the mirror–everyday, my self image changes. Too fat, too skinny, too boxy, too long, too flat–too imperfect. I’ve only ever been focused on how I looked, not how I felt. I hurt my own feelings with my own opinions and judgment.

This morning, I looked in the mirror as I changed my clothes. Why do I look so fat? I haven’t even eaten anything I thought to myself. It was like this almost everyday, except for the days when I was too tired to care about anything. I continued on with my day like normal, riding the bus to school and making my way to my classes. I liked riding the bus, I got to talk to my close friends–they made me feel okay; they helped me forget about my struggles.

I always go to breakfast at school, solely to see my friends, but I usually don’t eat. Not recently, at least. Even though I regret it later into my day, it’s no big deal. Water fills me up enough. As long as I just drink some water, I’ll be fine. I don’t want to gain any more weight. Regardless of what people tell me, I still think I’m fat. I can deal with a couple of hunger pains, it’s not like it’ll kill me.

Halfway through 5th period, the pains started to feel unbearable, but I still had 2 periods until lunch. I didn’t want to eat, but I felt like I had to at that point. I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was.

Once I got to lunch, I sat down and talked to my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. He makes me feel like it’ll be okay. He tries to make sure that I eat, but I don’t always tell him the truth. I wish I could, but I don’t want to disappoint him–so why don’t you just eat? Well, I don’t want to disappoint myself either. However, I did end up disappointing myself. For lunch, I had a lot. Guiltily, I ate, and I’ll admit it felt good, but I knew it wasn’t going to help me look at myself differently. If anything, it was probably going to make me judge myself even more later that day. 

When I got home, after a day full of socialization and laughs and happiness, it all started to hit me again. The dark feeling of self-hatred and critique. I lifted my shirt as I stared at my reflection, nitpicking every part of myself. I pulled at the more fatty parts of my stomach, I hated it. I traced the outline of my body, even though I had a couple of curves, it meant nothing compared to all of the things I didn’t have. I looked at my chest, wishing it would grow. I picked and pulled at my thighs, they were so oddly shaped. I stared at the gap between them, wishing it would just close–I always felt like it made me look awkward no matter how I stood. I turned to the side, analyzing how my figure looked from that angle. I looked wide and disproportionate. My rib cage looked like it was too big for the rest of my body, and I looked bloated. I hated my body so much, every part of it. No matter how much I tried to appreciate it, I found myself wishing to look like other people.

I haven’t had any kind of ‘liking’ for my body since I was 8 years old. When I was 8, I attended a day camp for most of the summer. I was almost always in a swimsuit–everyday, if it wasn’t raining, we went to the pool at least twice. One day while I was waiting for my parents to pick me up, I was on the swings next to a boy named Paul. I was still in my swimsuit because the last thing my group had done that day was go to the pool. Paul looked over at me, 

“Please don’t wear that again,” he said.

“Why not?” I questioned him, I saw nothing wrong with my swimsuit; it was a 2 piece–the top was pink, purple, and blue, tye dye while the bottoms were just purple.

“Your belly is out.” he pointed.

“Yeah, what about it?” he continued to perplex me.

“It’s big.” he explained.

I looked down at my stomach, my lip beginning to quiver as hot tears filled my eyes. When I got home, I buried my face in my pillow and sobbed. My dad asked me what was wrong, but I never told him; I just kept crying.

I never saw myself the same after that. As I got older, the kids I was surrounded by only got meaner.

When I was in 6th grade, I had a crush on a boy named Nathan. He was your classic, blue-eyed, blondie. Many girls had a crush on him, he was funny. I was a lot skinnier than I was when I was 8, and I saw that as progress. However, Nathan had set me back a while.

“You’re so short!” I teased, playfully joking around with him.

“Shut up, you’re flat!” he exclaimed–he wasn’t joking around with me anymore, he was serious. I went silent after that, but he didn’t take it into account. As the day progressed, I looked around the room, analyzing the other girls in my class–more specifically, the ones Nathan would talk to. I noticed that they all had bigger chests than I did. After that day, I gained a new insecurity.

Nathan moved away after Christmas break that year, but it didn’t get any easier after he left.

Shortly after he had moved away, a new boy joined our class. I didn’t have a crush on him, but he spoke similarly to the way Nathan did. His name was Jonothan. Not even a month after he had joined our class, he was constantly annoying me. Occasionally, he would say things about my body and how I was flat. Even though I didn’t say anything to him about it, it deeply affected me. Eventually, I ended up writing about it for a project–then I had to talk to the principal about what was going on. I’m unsure of the discipline he was given, or if he was given any at all, but he never said anything to me about it.

. . .

Years later, I still don’t completely love my body. It’s a work in progress, I guess you could say. I try not to be so judgmental towards myself, but there’s moments when I can’t control it. Regardless, I’m on a journey, trying to learn how to love myself. Some days it’s merely impossible, but some days I feel okay with embracing myself and my body. I know it will get easier for me eventually, it just takes time.

**To anyone who is experiencing an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, struggles with self esteem, confidence, or self image, I encourage you to reach out to someone for help. Your body is a temple, please care for it properly. You are worth more than you think–you withhold more beauty than you could ever know. Please, take care of yourself; that goes for everyone. No matter where you are on your journey and how hard it may get, just keep your head held high and remind yourself of your end goal. I love you.**

#self worth #growth #mental health #art #new blog #thoughts #beautiful body #beauty #self love #love yourself #writing #creative writing #personal post #meh

[manonblaqkbeak]

Dating and Goodreads

Back for Day 8-Blind date (how the hell do u guys come up with good title fics i struggle so bad lol). I wasn’t really going anywhere with this one, but when i read all of the others and saw how fun the fics were, i decided to finish this one.

also for Summertime and Fresh Strawberries, I deliberately left it blank but I can’t hold onto the secret bc two people were curious as to what happened, so i’ll let the rest of you know that aelin and rowan decided to keep summer and be a cute little family, bc im a sucker for happy endings lol (unless its angst, it’s safe to assume that all my rowaelin fics have happy endings bc they’ve all ready been thru so much and even in alt fics i need them to be happy lmao)

anyway, on to the next one. hope you enjoy!

1.8k words

cw: none

Aelin was a confident woman, something that she was proud of. But that didn't mean that there weren't times she didn't feel self-conscious or awkward and full of doubt.

Because right now, all those negative feelings were swimming inside of her.

And those feelings were just magnified today, especially since she had gotten fired only a few hours beforehand. It was utterly unexpected, she had never received any prior warnings, and while she was a fighter, Aelin didn't feel like stepping into the ring for this one. Not when her boss was a demon from hell that made life unbearable and she had to physically push herself into entering the work building.

Aelin told herself that it was for the best. She was miserable there and hated working in an office typing up the worlds most boring reports and working in a space that was entirely too drab.

But she wasn't looking forward to job hunting. Aelin was aware that she could ask her friends for favours, but if Aelin did something wrong, she didn't want it reflected back onto whoever helped her.

And she was still a little peeved over the damned argument she had online again with that haughty prick on Goodreads. Aelin wasn't sure why those arguments kept going, but each time she would post a review, White Tailed Hawk would respond, telling her that she read the book wrong and this and that and blah blah blah.

Aelin repaid the favour each time, telling him how he was wrong and he had no reading comprehension skills. And on and on it went until Aelin or whoever the fuck that guy was went back to their own lives.

Depressingly, it was the most fun she had some days.

Shaking her head, Aelin forced herself to think of the now and not of her shitty day. Still she sighed, not quite believing that she had agreed to this blind date. Couldn't believe that she had let Aedion convince her it was a good idea.

Aelin had said no at first, after Aedion had voiced his offer, and her cousin left it at that. But days went past, and he would bring up the topic of Rowan, about the things he had said that day, how his dry sense of humour took some time to get used to but once you figured it out, he was actually pretty funny, how he had finished a project perfectly and this and that.

But it got to her, annoyingly. So the other day when he was helping her out with some housework that was a two person job, Aelin told him to set up this date. Aedion cheered as if it was the best thing he had ever heard, telling her how she and Rowan were the perfect match for each other.

Aelin rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything of the assessment.

She had only agreed because it was getting frustrating being asked at every family event if she was dating someone, when she was going to give her parents grandchildren (that question pissed her off the most, as if Aelin was nothing but a birthing machine and that was all Aelin could contribute to society), and who was going to look after her when she was old if she didn't have children (because apparently carers didn't exist).

Aelin was also lonely—she could entertain herself just fine, but she did like the idea of coming home and talking to someone that could respond. She loved Fleetfoot and her enthusiasm when Aelin came home, but human companionship would be nice.

But Aelin didn't have high-hopes for this date because the universe liked to kick Aelin's ass from time to time, she suspected that they were going to hate each other.

Taking a deep breath, Aelin got out of her car, smoothed down her romper and went inside the restaurant, head held high.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't believe that he was about to go on a blind date. That Aedion had convinced him to go out with his younger cousin. He hadn't dated anyone since Lyria and he knew that his dating skills were going to be rusty as hell. He had been with Lyria since they were nineteen, married at 23 and divorced at 31; he had been single for the last two years.

It had been...fine, a little strange, after being with someone for so long to find himself a bachelor. Rowan never thought that he would apart from Lyria, but their relationship had just faded. Long before the divorce, it had been more like a housemate relationship than a marriage. He wasn't surprised when his ex-wife had come home after work with divorce papers. He had only stared at the paperwork for an hour before he signed the forms. Truthfully, Rowan was just glad that he was still on good terms with Lyria, that they could still talk to one another from time to time.

Rowan had almost called her earlier today, to ask how the hell dates went, but felt that it would have been crossing some invisible line, so he didn't call and instead had Googled the questions instead.

They didn't really help.

Rowan drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, telling himself that if things went wrong, then it wasn't the end of the world. That if he had to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, then that was fine. He had plenty of ways of keeping himself busy—he had a good career, a nice house, plenty of books to read and to argue online about them with.

He had one earlier today, actually, with Queen of Wildfire about a new release that Rowan had eagerly read within days of its release. And once again, he ended up with an argument with the woman about the messages and themes within the book.

It was stupid, he knew, to be at his age and to be fighting online with a stranger, but something about this woman just had his fingers flying over the keyboard.

Some days he looked forward to it, as embarrassing as that was to admit. He didn't really want to look into himself to figure out what it all meant.

Eyes drifting to the dashboard, Rowan realised that his date was about to start. Popping a mint into his mouth and smoothing out his clothes, Rowan took a deep breath and left the car and went to his first date in twelve years.

Hopefully, it wouldn't be too bad.

X X X X X X

The date had started out a little awkward, but that wasn't a surprise to Aelin, because what blind date started smoothly?

It picked up after Rowan admitted that he was divorced and that he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do. Aelin appreciated that stark honesty and admitted that she too had no idea what to do.

Since then, the conversation went well, the food was good and Aelin had even swiped a few bites of his dinner because it just looked so much better than hers. Rowan had playfully grumbled underneath his breath, but smiled as he said it.

It was going really well. Maybe the universe had decided to give her a break for the rest of this evening. There was a part of her that maybe wondered if they would have sex, because the man did look fucking fantastic, but at the same time, she didn't want to rush anything in case this actually turned into something more.

“What's the dumbest thing that you've done recently or in the past?” Aelin asked. There was no such thing as small talk between them—Aelin had all ready asked if he believed in aliens and was glad when he said yes, because “it's ridiculous to think that we're alone in this wide universe of ours. It makes sense that there'd be other lifeforms out there.” Which was pretty damned close to Aelin's reasoning as well, so asking him about stupid moments felt like nothing in comparison.

Rowan smirked at the question and took a moment to think before answering. “I engage in online arguments.”

“Really? About what, exactly?”

“It's stupid. But my all my arguments occur on Goodreads of all places. Not Facebook, or YouTube, or Twitter, but Goodreads. It's never anything insulting but just arguments about how wrong some people's in depth reviews are.”

“Fair enough,” Aelin said, “I've been known to do the same thing as you. There's this one user on there, White Tailed Hawk—a stupid name if you ask me—and he just never...” Aelin stopped when she noticed that he stopped eating and was just looking at her weirdly. “Rowan? Are you okay?”

“Do you, by any chance, go under the name of Queen of Wildfire?”

Aelin blinked, and then blinked again, and once the pieces fell into place, she knew right then and there that the universe really hated her. She let out a harsh laugh, the sound echoing throughout the space. Aelin wasn't really sure what to say, because it was true what he said; it had never been insulting, but ending up on a date with the man she had regularly arguments with was just...she had no words, other then, “It really is a stupid name.” She took a sip of her wine, needing to do something other than wanting to bang her head against the table.

“I couldn't think of anything else to write.” And it wasn't also his favourite animal, he had told her that earlier.

They lapsed back into the awkward silence of earlier, both picking at their food.

But Aelin didn't want this night to go to waste. “It'd be stupid to let something as small as this get in the way of whatever this could be,” Aelin said, deciding to be blunt.

Rowan nodded. “It would be. Although I have to be honest, you really have no idea what you're talking about when it comes to Call of the Wild Winds.”

Aelin just about stormed off when she noticed his playful smile, his eyes sparkling bright. Laughing, Aelin threw a bread-roll at his handsome face, and once he caught it and split it in half for them to share, they went back to their earlier conversation.

And when Rowan walked her to her apartment door and kissed her on the cheek goodnight with a promise to text her later, Aelin couldn't help herself by telling him that all his opinions sucked and that he had no idea what he was talking about—all with a big smile on her face as Rowan sputtered as she closed the door on his face.

They spent the rest of the night texting, and all of Aelin's earlier woes faded away. And she looked forward to tomorrow, despite the horror of job hunting. Maybe the universe will finally let things turn around for the better for her.

Aelin went to sleep with a smile on her face, all because of White Tailed Hawk.

And on the other side of the city, Rowan also fell asleep with a smile on his face.

#rowaelin #rowaelin fanfiction #rowaelinmonth #my work

[dumdumsun]

And Dusk

A/N: One of my favorites. Enjoy ❤️

Warnings: mentions of violence

Word Count: 2780

—————————————

Chapter 8: Tell Me, Muse

After an awkward-turned-heartfelt conversation between the reunited Allison and Luther about how good they were and the former’s marriage, the two slowly leaned away from each other on their own sides of the table. Allison decided to break the short silence between them. “Have you, um, heard from any of the others? Vanya?”

“Uh, on a farm,” Luther answered with raised brows. “And happy.”

Allison nodded, brows furrowed. “Right… Weird… Uh, Diego?”

“Nuthouse. Klaus?”

“Cult leader.”

“Eh,” He shrugged, Allison laughing aloud. “And, uh, Five turned up a few days ago. What about (Y/N)? You know anything about her?”

Allison froze, her mouth opening and closing. “I… I was hoping you’d know… Five doesn’t?”

“No, he hasn’t found her yet.” Luther’s expression saddened as Allison stared down at the table with a solemn look. “Hey… we’ll find her. She’s tough as nails. I’m sure she’s doing just fine.”

Allison glanced up at him, trying a smile. “Yeah… Yeah, I hope so…”

-------------------------------------------------

“I don’t see Dad anywhere.” Diego said as he, Lila and Five stood in the midst of the gala. Five turned to him, glass in his hand.

“Just keep an eye out for the Majestic Twelve. I got the upstairs,” When his brother turned away, Five caught his attention again. “Diego, try not to do anything too stupid.” He nodded before taking off, eliciting a soft chuckle from Lila.

Just as the boy ascended the stairs, (Y/N) and Preston had just passed the bottom to slip past Diego and Lila. Preston, after setting the girl’s drink down wherever, held her by the hand and led her to the middle of the dance floor. The two got into position before moving to the beat of the music. Preston tried more than once to steal a kiss, but she would lean away or turn her head in a different direction as if something caught her eye. To say he was getting frustrated was an understatement. She could tell by the quiet huffs through his nose.

“They’re playing our song.” Lila whispered before grabbing Diego by his tie, dragging him onto the dance floor. The only thing separating Diego and (Y/N) was an elderly couple dancing between them. But Diego was too immersed in his dance with Lila to notice his sister. He spun his ‘crazy lady’ around a couple times, causing her to grin. “You’ve got moves.”

“My father insisted on ballroom lessons,” Diego informed before horribly imitating Reginald. “‘One never knows when the paso doble will be the difference between life and death’,” He quoted before slowly dipping Lila. “‘Children’.”

“My mum used to say something along those lines.” Lila whispered, gently pushing his hair back.

“Yeah?” He smiled, eyes moving up when a blur of orange got his attention. He nearly dropped Lila onto the floor when they landed on the person who adorned that color.

“Preston, I don’t think you’ve even applied any of our lessons to our dance.” (Y/N) muttered to her date, who smirked and rolled his eyes. “And why does it seem like you don’t care? I kinda need for you to actually do something right so my dad won’t be on my ass after this.”

“Your dad is nowhere near.” Preston whispered, moving even closer. The girl scoffed and flicked his nose with her fingers. He gasped and hissed as he scrunched up his nose, but before he could scold her about her poor manners, she was pulled out of his hold. Milliseconds later, Lila was spun into Preston’s arms, the boy instinctively holding onto her so she wouldn’t fall. The two stared at each other in confusion and slight disgust as she slowly nodded.

“What a party.”

(Y/N) held onto whoever saved her from her unbearable date, her grip so tight that he softly hissed. Snapping her head up, she gasped at the sight of her brother staring at her with wide eyes and a bright smile. “Diego…”

“Hey, sis.” He wasted no time in crushing her into a hug. Happily laughing, she returned the comfort. Upon close inspection, Lila identified her target. And now she knew that she was important to Diego. The siblings naturally fell into a waltz that Diego flowed along nicely with.

“Look at you, big brother,” (Y/N) laughed. “Not so robotronic anymore, huh?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, it’s been years since I’ve been your dance partner. I had to show you someday. How long have you been here? In Dallas?”

“Since late 1961. You?”

“Got here over two months ago. Shit, you’ve been here awhile… How are you holding up?”

“What do you think?” She chuckled and spun herself under his arm. He got a glimpse of her outfit and hummed.

“Not too bad, I see.” He became serious and leaned in closer. “(Y/N), listen to me, alright? Five was the last of us to get here-”

“Five?” (Y/N)’s steps stuttered a bit, but Diego got them back on beat. “You saw Five?”

He nodded. “But that’s not it. He told me-”

Diego was cut off yet again when (Y/N) was spun out of his hold, replaced by Lila. The woman simply shrugged and nodded towards Preston, who was now holding (Y/N) close and glaring at Diego. He returned the glare before Lila turned his chin so he was facing her. “She’s a little young for you, yeah?”

“What? No, gross. That’s my sister.” He shook his head. Lila raised her brows and led the two in a dance.

“A little sister? How cute…”

“She’s not as little as you think.” He chuckled. “There’s a lot of… interesting things about my family.”

“I didn’t notice.” She giggled, the two of them inching closer until their lips nearly grazed each other. Once again, a certain someone caught Diego’s eye, and Lila noticed. “Well, you are easily distracted.”

But he wasn’t listening to her. “It can’t be…” He whispered before slipping away from Lila, leaving her alone on the dance floor. His journey to Grace seemed to go in slow motion, the man slipping between bodies and clearing the path until she was all he saw. When she turned to him, he was transfixed. It was Grace. His mother who he shut off. “Mom…” He whispered, the woman giving him a look.

“Well, that isn’t the first time I’ve heard that,” Her Texas drawl threw him off a bit. Of course. This was the actual Grace. When Diego’s face dropped in realization, she became more perplexed. “Everything alright, hun?”

With a small smile, Diego stepped closer. “You’re real…”

Nervously chuckling, Grace shifted in her place, blinking rapidly. “If this is your idea of a come-on, it’s not goin’ well.”

“No,” Diego stuttered. “Uh, do… Do you know a… a man named Sir Reginald Hargreeves?” He questioned, crossing his arms.

“Reggie? He’s my date this evenin’.”

Diego raised his brows and widened his eyes. “Your date…?” His expression fell into disgust when Grace nodded in confirmation. At his grimace, she shook her head.

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“No. No, no, it’s… it’s just, uh… It’s just a lot to process. The… The thought of the two of you… I can’t picture that in my head. That is… That’s nasty.”

Sighing, Grace tried to make sense of this entire conversation. “You’re a little odd, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Diego smiled up at her, enjoying the sound of her soft laugh before his expression fell. “I mean no. Uh… Do you know where he is?”

“He said somethin’ about a quick meetin’, and he’d be right back. That was twenty minutes ago.”

Diego stared at her with a judging look. But not in judgment of her. “Never good to keep a lady waiting.”

“Tell him that if you find him.” Grace lifted her drink before walking past Diego. She was almost out of sight when he called out to her by her name. Not remembering giving it to him, she turned with guarded confusion. But he only gave her a gentle look.

“It was nice meeting you.”

“You, too.”

Meanwhile, (Y/N) had managed to slip away from Preston, making an excuse to head to the little girls’ room. Unbeknownst to him, she walked in the entire opposite direction, swiftly falling into step beside Lila. “Sorry about that whole switcheroo situation. My brother seems to think with anything but his head.”

“Yes, I noticed,” She smiled, reaching her hand out to shake. “I’m Lila.”

“(Y/N).” The girl shook her hand. Lila’s eyes scanned her up and down as she assessed her.

“My, my, you are cute, aren’t you?”

Thrown off a bit, (Y/N) chuckled and slowly took her hand back. “Thank you? So, how’d you and Diego meet?” She asked as the two of them linked arms.

“The asylum.”

“Lovely.”

-------------------------------------------------

Blinking into a closet inside the meeting room of the Majestic Twelve, Five adjusted his eyes to the darkness and peered in through the small space he had.

“The president is continuing to make inquiries into Roswell and the other crash sites, gentlemen,” One of the men spoke. “And, as you know, we cannot allow him to get his nose into our business.”

As he continued, Five noticed one of the Twelve delicately cleaning a monocle, urging the boy to lean in closer. “I’ve confirmed the motorcade will indeed be turning left on Elm Street. We’ll have our people in place.”

“Gentlemen,” The familiarity of the British accent startled Five for a mere second, but he only pressed himself closer. “This plan of yours seems ill-timed.”

“It’s going to be a turkey shoot.” Another of the Twelve commented just before Five had gotten too invested and unintentionally made noise with a hanger, causing the men to tense and whirl towards the closet. When the face of Sir Reginald Hargreeves came into view, Five could only stare in shock.

“Dad…?”

Reginald shushed the men and stalked towards the fireplace, grabbing one of the pokers and heading straight for the closet. Five and Reginald stood before each other in silence. One unknowing, one not. The next second, Reginald stabbed through the closet, intentionally trying to harm whoever was on the other side. When he opened the door, though, no one was there.

Five blinked into the hallway and exhaled, straightening his uniform before spinning around. Stood before him was one of the Swedish assassins. The boy cursed to himself before he was grabbed and thrown against the wall. Before he could be thrown into the other, he blinked through it and then behind the man, kicking him in the back of the knee and sending him to the ground. Five jumped onto his back and attempted to snap his neck, but the man was much stronger than the boy anticipated. So, he was flipped over and onto his back. Before the Swede could land a punch to his face, Five blinked behind him again. When he saw that he couldn’t successfully fight back, he tried again to blink, but the energy of his power only sputtered. Much like when he first arrived in the apocalypse. He was drained. When he looked up, the man was much closer than before. “Oh, shit…” The boy muttered before receiving a punch to the face.

In search of Lila, Diego rushed up the stairs and turned the corner, only to find his brother getting pummeled by one of the gunmen he had the pleasure of meeting during his asylum escape. Diego began to move towards Five, but was pulled back when a belt came around his throat and constricted his airway. He struggled with all his might, but his attacker did not relent. Moving to stand in front of him was the other gunman, now wearing brass knuckles on one of his hands. Rearing his arm back, he forcefully rammed the knuckles into Diego’s gut, then his face. Diego used his legs to kick the man away and send him to his knees. Taking out one of his knives, he launched it towards him, but it missed his target completely. He was focused enough on the third Swede continuing to choke him. Diego was dragged down the opposite end of the hall as Five, as the Swede with the brass knuckles landed his weapon on the poor man over and over.

Just in time, (Y/N) and Lila reached the hallway, both of them immediately turning in Diego’s direction. The young girl gasped and rushed to her brother without hesitation. Remembering her ‘side gig’, Lila quickly grabbed a hold of her arm, but turned in the opposite direction upon hearing a groan. Her eyes zeroed on Five being punched, kicked, thrown, and her mother’s voice rang in her head.

“Protect Number Five at all costs.”

So, she let (Y/N) go, the young girl never removing her gaze from her brother. The two females seemed to have had the same idea of kicking off their heels, but (Y/N) took her second one into her hand and launched the heel into the face of the man who was choking Diego. Her brother greedily took gulps of air into his lungs as she tackled the man to the ground. He was the shortest of the three, so he was the best she’d get to an equal opponent. (Y/N) sent punch after punch to his face, her small hands forcing themselves around his throat and squeezing. She watched as his reddened face began to pale the harder she squeezed, and right when she thought he’d pass out, he tangled their legs together and flipped them over. The back of her head hit the floor, a groan escaping her lips before she got her treatment right back to her. Lifting her by the throat, the Swede swung her around and pinned her to the wall.

“Eat shit and die…” She gasped out around his hand. He only clenched his jaw and slammed her head against the wall so hard she was beginning to see stars. Diego kicked his own opponent away before grabbing his sister’s attacker by the hair and tugging him back. Barely giving herself time to breathe, (Y/N) grabbed the shortest Swede by his suit lapels and, with all the force her worn-out body could muster, swung him into the wall. She heard a crack when the back of his head hit the wall, the man slumping to the floor. Turning to Diego, the two breathlessly smiled at each other before a voice called out.

“(Y/N)?! Honey, where are you? We need to go!”

“Shit.” She muttered before grabbing her heels and rushing down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, Preston was there to catch her before she could stumble down the last few steps. Silently, she dropped her heels to the ground and held onto him for balance as she slipped them on.

“(Y/N), what the hell happened to you? I thought you went to the bathroom.” Preston held her by the waist.

“Uh, I got lost?”

“Well, we’ve gotta go, your mom is worried sick.” He grabbed her hand and rushed them out of the building. Just after Five had looked away from the window where he’d spotted Grace and Reginald, (Y/N) and Preston had just been approaching said adults. Grace let go of Reginald’s hand and gasped aloud, hugging her daughter close.

“Where were you? We couldn’t find you anywhere, darlin’.”

(Y/N) quietly chuckled as her father guided them to their awaiting car. “I, uh… got lost leaving the bathroom.” She lied as Preston held the door open for her. The last person to get in the car was Reginald, but just when he opened the door, a familiar voice sounded.

He turned in the direction of someone calling out to him in Ancient Greek. (Y/N) sat up quickly and tried to look out of Preston’s window, but he was blocking her view. That voice…

“Reggie,” Grace sighed. “What are you waitin’ for? We need to go.”

Without another word, Reginald climbed inside the car beside Grace. As they drove away, (Y/N)’s eyes never strayed from Preston’s window. “Dad, who was that?”

“No one important.” He dismissed, but she didn’t give up yet.

“Why did he recite the Odyssey?”

“I’m not sure-”

“And in Ancient Greek?”

“(Y/N), my child,” Her father exasperatedly sighed. “I do not know. It is nothing for you to worry about. So, stop fretting.”

The girl clutched her dress in both her fists, harshly biting her lip. Because there were only so many people she knew, besides herself, who could recite Homer in Ancient Greek.

—————————————

Taglist: @unfortu-nate-ly @sapphicsyn @m00n-sh @starcurrent @alexander-hamilhoe @youcandalekmyballs @wonderlandfandomkingdom @yrdadjstcallsmekatya @sm0kingcrack @a-t-h-r-e-e-n-a @moatsnow @bubblegumflamingos @starstormssymphony @meowiemari @magicalgothpandamaker @simping-4-fictional-men @hehehehannahthings @harrystylescherrie @rhain3 @himikaphoo @zerocanonlywriteshit @xxeiraxx @camerondiaz48104 @isawachickeninatree @theyaremorethanjustfictional @that-can-of-fizz

#the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #umbrella academy x reader #tua #tua fanfic #tua x reader #tua five #five hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #number five #number five x reader #five x reader #of starlight #and dusk

[xenospacebabe]

Broken Wings

Hawks drabble

A/N: So I imagine for some reason that regular doctors and surgeons are capable of treating Hawks to a fault. But when it comes to his wings, they’re a bit...lost?

Summary: After coping with treating injuries to his wings by himself, Hawks finds himself with a more serious injury than he can handle. He can’t open his wings, or fly. The pain is mind numbing. He finds himself breaking into an animal clinic for some help.

Warning: Broken bones. Mild language

HawksxReader

7am. The doors don’t open until 8:30, but you still had things to do from yesterday that weren’t even started. Clutching your steel tumblr full of coffee that’ll barely scratch the surface of your exhaustion, you stifled a yawn and crawled out of your car. Barely remembering to lock it. You always parked on the side of the building so as not to take up any spaces in front. The key missed the lock a few times before eventually sliding inside and turning to the side.

The moment you turned on the lights, a couple of dogs in the back already started barking, hungry for breakfast and ready to go home. Your veterinary clinic was modest in size, but it was always busy. It was your father’s practice before he retired and passed it down to you after finishing school. Now it was all yours. It was hard work, but your clients were loyal. Many of them have been around since the place opened almost 30 years ago. You were the vet that people would recommend to their friends who needed help and had struggles affording it. Your clinic was the one that everyone knew cared the most about patients rather than money. And it showed. While your profits were great, it wasn’t what you were concerned the most about.

After setting down your things in your office, you tied back your hair into a high ponytail and took a long drink of your “breakfast.” You looked at the white board on your wall, deciding which surgery from yesterday to start on first. Picking the cat spay, you headed towards the back to get started. Passing surgery and into the kennels, you found your patient and greeted her with a sweet voice and scratches on her cheeks.

“Good morning, Sadie. You ready, sweet girl? C’mon.” The cat whined tiredly as you scooped her into your arms to bring into the surgical room. But when you lifted your head and looked inside you screamed. Unfortunately, this spooked your cat and she bolted out of your arms to hide under the kennels.

“AH SHIT! Sadie! Sadie c’mere girl! Who are you?!” There sitting on your operating counter was a man. A shirtless man with enormous wings that nearly filled the small room. He was covered in decently serious lacerations and wounds that made the surface of his skin look like a blue, black, green, and purple water color canvas. He looked terrible with deep bags under his eyes. However, he looked at you through messy strands of hair that hung in his face with a tired but smug expression.

“Really? You don’t know who I am?” He said, his voice croaking out with a subtle groan of pain. Your eyes shifted from his, those golden pools that shined like the sun, to the massive crimson wings. They, too, looked to be in disarray. Feathers stuck out in random places, others crumpled, many painted in blood. However his left hung in a slightly abnormal manner.

“I’m sorry. You shocked me all of a sudden. You’re Hawks right? What are you doing here? How did you even get in? The doors were all locked.” As you finished your statement, a single red feather lifted in mid air and hovered, showing you its bent up quill. He picked the lock with the feather and locked it behind him.

“Sorry. I just-..mmgghh...I think it’s broken. And the clowns at the city hospital the commission would send me to aren’t capable of fixing it. I found you online, you do exotics, right? Birds and stuff?”

All the while he was explaining his situation, you were assessing his condition. The area that connected the wing to his back appeared incredibly swollen, and slightly out of place. Without thinking, you reached out to palpate the area causing him to immediately flinch and groan out loud.

“Sorry! Sorry. I’m used to my patients being-...well animals. But yes, I’m a small animal and exotics vet. There’s a couple birds I’ve been treating for a long time.” Now this time, as you were talking, Hawks had his eyes trained on you. He was listening to every word you spoke intently. “Some of them were my dad’s patients before he retired. Shows how old they can get.”

Hawks braced the cold steel of the table, crouching forward some. His skin seemed damp with sweat, the pain he was in must have been affecting his body temperature. You needed to act quickly if you were going to save his wing.

“Okay, so. I have to touch it. I need to get a couple xrays to see if we have any breaks and we’ll go from there. I don’t....all I have are sedatives for animals. Would that..?”

“It’s fine, ain’t no pain out there that I can’t handle.” He looked at you with a charming smirk, clearly flexing his pain threshold to impress you. Because he looked you up and down and liked what he saw. Even in those scrubs which were relatively form fitting but patterened in cartoon cats and dogs.

“I’m serious. This is really going to hurt. Are you-“

“I said I can handle it.” Hawks snapped, frustrated with the questions now. He just wanted the pain to stop. And besides, that cute look on your blushing face was too good to miss.

“Alright...well...first you need to help me find my cat that you scared off.”

“You mean this one?” Appearing in front of you held under the arms and the butt by a trio of feathers was your very angry, very sleepy cat. You sighed in relief and retrieved her into your arms. It took some settling to calm her down but you were a natural with all animals. It came so easily. She was comfortable in her kennel when you set her back inside and you felt your brain shift gears.

You first had to get your hands on the wing. Just to get a feel of what you were working with. You’d never seen such beautiful, red feathers before. Even though you saw parrots and other birds daily. These were just...breathtaking. But even the most beautiful wings didn’t stop the pain of broken bones. Hawks groaned behind tight lips when you gently palpated the swollen wing. Inside you felt the distinct break and slight crunchiness that accompanied it. The growling in his throat didn’t frighten you, after all, you dealt with aggressive animals day in and day out.

“Y-you almost finished there, Doc? Agghh...” He finally outwardly complained when you flexed his wing. Your hands were gentle but it was still nearly unbearable. Slowly and carefully, you folded his wing back down into its natural resting position.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I know it hurts. But thank you for holding still. Alright. Let’s do some xrays.”

After some struggling and repositioning, and many awkward brushes of hands and faces, you and Hawks were successful in taking some clear shots of what you determined was a broken wing. You didn’t notice his eyes on you as you explained it to him. The room was dark, illuminated only by the backlight box that made it possible to see the xray photos. But he was studying your face quite intently.

The space between your eyebrows crinkled a little when you would point to a specific spot on the xray in concentration. When you were quiet in thought, your tongue pressed against your cheek or you nibbled your bottom lip. The slope of your nose was accentuated by the pale shine of the light box to make it look like you had a cute button nose. Everything you were saying filled his ears but didn’t register as anything coherent. Eventually, you noticed.

“Hawks? Are you okay? Are you in pain?” Your voice brought him out of the trance he’d slipped into and he blinked rapidly to soothe his eyes. He hadn’t blinked once.

“Oh! Uh-...aheh...I’m fine. And please...call me Keigo.”

“Keigo?”

“Yeah, that’s my real name. Hawks is just my hero name. I can trust you, yeah?” He looked down at you with those eyes that you swore were glowing and swallowed harshly. Suddenly your throat was dry.

“R-right! I knew that. Keigo...so...like I said. The break is pretty clean. Luckily there’s no fragments or splinters that would make a problem.”

“So what can you do to fix me?” He lied, though, about being in pain. Broken bones were painful enough. But a broken bone that carried the heavy weight of his wing was absolutely agonizing. However, years of working as a pro hero conditioned him into hiding his pain from his enemies.

“Well, there isn’t a lot we can do. Other than immobilize the wing so the bone can heal back together.”

That got his attention.

“Immobilize? You mean I can’t-“

“Fly. Yeah. Not forever, but for a while. You’d have to come back every now and then for xrays so I can see how the healing is progressing. Given the size, I’d imagine...6 weeks?”

6 weeks? Of no flying? Hawks hadn’t spent that long out of the sky in so long that he wasn’t sure he remembered what it felt like to walk anywhere. You could see the panic in his eyes, beads of sweat formed on his neck and forehead. So you reached out and placed your hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him. He froze, not sure of what to do.

“Sorry! Sorry.” You quickly withdrew your hand. “That’s a habit. I always try to comfort the parents of my patients when they get difficult news.”

“No no, it’s-...you just surprised me.” He reached for your hand and returned it to his shoulder which was still bare. You hadn’t even realized he hadn’t redressed after finishing the radiographs. Your palm rested on his shoulder, his skin was warm to the touch. Your thumb gently stroked the end of his collarbone as you often did to support your clients. Beneath your fingers you felt the impressive muscle he had, in spite of appearing relatively lean, the muscle tone of his torso was quite defined. You imagined it had to be in order for him to fight villains and hold himself aloft while flying.

“I know it’s a difficult thing to hear. Your wings take you everywhere, I’m sure. But this won’t last forever, okay?” Something about your voice was so soothing to his fried nerves. But you’d never know because of how cool and composed he made himself appear.

“You don’t mind?” Hawks felt his anxiety dissolve when he thought about getting to see you next. It was a strange feeling, but he knew he could trust you. Those pretty eyes of yours really spoke volumes.

“Of course not. Now let’s get you taped up and on your way. I’m sure you’re exhausted, no doubt whatever broke your wing has you worn out.”

“Heh you can say that again.” There it was, his suave and too-cool demeanor. But you didn’t mind it. You were sure it was just a front he was used to keeping up. After all, you were just a civilian and he couldn’t afford to let anyone know just how weak he was.

You managed to tape and place Hawks’ wing in a makeshift splint. He refused any medication but you could tell by the way he white knuckled the table that he was in pain. A majority of the time, your patients were under anesthesia when setting broken bones. So you had to be careful this time about how heavy handed you were. By the time you were finished, you had less than 10 minutes to get him out the door before your techs and kennel attendants showed up for work.

“Come see me in a week. We’ll take more xrays and make any adjustments if you need them. Try to keep the splint dry, and rest. I mean it, Hawks.”

“Alright, Doc. I’ll be a good little bird just for you.” The winged hero winked at you as he slipped out the back door. You felt your heart leap into your throat and cheeks burn up as a result. Just as he disappeared, you heard the sounds of your employees coming in and quickly closed the door and composed yourself.

“Morning, Doc!” One of them said as you appeared in the exam area. You smiled and waved, reaching into the pocket of your white coat with your other hand. Something was in there. You looked inside and saw red. A feather. Unbeknownst to you, Hawks had slipped one of his feathers into your pocket. You couldn’t fathom why, but you felt a strange sense of comfort when you ran the tip of your finger along the center spine. It quivered when you did so.

“Ungh...” In an alley a block away, Hawks had to brace a brick wall with one hand. His insides trembled as he sensed you touching his feather. Even he didn’t know why he left one with you. But the thought of parting made him remarkably...sad?

“Get it together, Keigo...” He muttered to himself, shaking his head and continuing back home. It would be a long 6 weeks out of the sky, but at least he’d be able to see you.

A/N: This was longer than I anticipated omg. Does anyone think I should continue?

#winged hero hawks #hawks drabble #keigo takami #bnha keigo #hawks x reader #veterinary #writing #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero

[lauras-collection]

beyond being friends | part 8

Harrison Osterfield x Holland!Reader

|| Masterlist || Series Masterlist ||

Summary: What happens when you suddenly realise you’re attracted to your brother’s best friend?

When you and Harrison cross the line between friendship and something more, it makes everything more complicated than the average ‘being more than friends’ relationship. Because he’s your brothers best friend and you’re all living together.

Words: 3k

Warnings: SMUT 18+ (a little oral, like one second [f receiving], fingering, biting [once], a little overstimulation, protected sex), if there’s anything else I should tag let me know! 

A/N: Not gonna lie this part is a bit of a hot mess...I hope you like it! 😅 

P.S.: I don’t know if the glasses Harrison wears sometimes are prescription glasses, so if they’re not let’s pretend they’re blue light glasses so it makes sense his wearing them before bed ok? ok. :D

Feedback is always appreciated ❤️

“You look happy,” Harry says, his face momentarily freezing on the screen. You can’t keep the smile off your face. There’s no doubt that you’re happy, and the fact that it’s so apparent your brother picks up on it through a FaceTime call and sees the need to mention it? Speaks volumes. 

“I am” You grin at him, his eyes squinting a little in playful suspicion. 

“Any particular reason?” He raises an eyebrow while shifting his position a bit. It looks like he’s in the apartment Tom and him have been renting for the past months, his arms stretched out in front of him, his chin almost touching the table.

“Wouldn’t you like to know” You can’t tell him, you remind yourself. As much as you would like to share the reason for your happiness you can’t. Not yet. 

“I would, actually” 

“Not telling ya” 

“C’mon! I wanna know what’s going on!” He pouts, giving you his puppy dog eyes. Not working this time mate. You just shake your head. Something pulls Harry’s attention away from the screen and one second later Tom appears next to him.

“Y/N!” Tom’s got a wide grin on his face. You greet him with a smile that’s just as big. It’s been a while since you talked to him. Yes, maybe you’d been avoiding him a little. But how are you supposed to talk to him normally? You’re not good at that. At pretending everything is fine. 

“Hi, Tom. You doing okay?” You feel your smile slipping and force it back on your face. You hope your brothers don’t notice the shift in your mood. 

“Yeah, filming is going amazingly. How’re things at home?” 

“Same old” You know, except for me being in love with your best friend. Of course, you don’t say that. As much as you want to. Your leg starts bouncing with nerves. The longer you talk to Tom the more nervous you get. You hate this. “You’re coming home Thursday, right?” You try to change the subject, afraid of Harry mentioning that something has to be different and then both of them pestering you about it. But now your so aware of the fact that there will only be a couple days left until they’re back home. You’ve been anxious for a while but it gets worse with each day that passes.

The screen freezes again before Tom speaks “We’re so excited. We miss you guys” 

“We miss you, too. I can’t wait” While you have to force the words out, they are true. After chatting with the boys for another few minutes you finally say goodbye. It’s almost midnight already, so you use that as an excuse. 

When you return to your room, Harrison is already tucked up in bed, scrolling through his phone. When he notices you, he takes off his glasses and puts his phone away. 

“You okay?” his brows are slightly furrowed in concern. 

“Yeah, but I was just reminded that Tom and Harry are going to be back soon” 

Harrison’s expression softens at that. He reaches one of his hands out towards you. “C’mere” he doesn’t have to ask you twice, you walk over to him and take his hand, letting him pull you into his lap. A soft smile appears on his face and his hands find your hips as if they were meant to be there. And with that, all worries fly out the window. It sounds cliche and sappy, but when you’re with Harrison nothing else matters.

You start running your hands over his pecs, then his shoulders. You love touching him, and you won’t be able to do that whenever you want to once Tom and Harry are home. Being close to Harrison and feeling his hands on your hips has the usual effect, a small pout appears on your face. Harrison lifts one eyebrow. "What is it?" His thumbs are drawing small circles on your hip bones, the fabric of your panties the only barrier between you.

“Now I'm horny" You finally whine causing Harrison to throw his head back laughing. "That's not funny! It’s your fault. Why do you have to be so fucking sexy? It’s not fair.” You pout again but Harrison keeps laughing, his hands squeezing your hips gently before he wraps his arms around you completely your chest now flush against his.

"You're adorable, you know that?" You try to shove him a bit but he doesn’t budge.

"I don't wanna be adorable. I want you to do something about it." You roll your hips into his. The amused expression on his face falls as a small groan leaves his lips and you can feel him stir beneath you. "Please?" You push your bottom lip forward and roll your hips again.

“Fuck, baby, you're gonna be the death of me." He grips your hips a little tighter and then, in one swift movement you're underneath him. Your arms automatically wrap around his neck, your hands going into his hair. He starts peppering kisses over your neck making you let out a sigh. You circle your legs around his waist, crossing your ankles you pull him closer

“You really are horny, huh?" Harrison asks, his hot breath hitting the sensitive skin of your neck.

"Mhm." You hum in affirmation.

“You want this?" He rolls his hips into yours, his clothed cock against your heat making you gasp "Want my cock?"

"Yes, Haz” You breath out, "want your cock so bad" At your words Harrison moans and slips his hands under your shirt, softly trailing up your stomach before they find your breasts, his thumbs teasing your nipples. You arch your back, leaning into his touch. Harrison's lips finally find yours in a hot, messy kiss.

Your hands grasp onto the fabric of his shirt, tugging on it until you’re able to pull it over his head. His hands and lips momentarily leaving your body.

As soon as his shirt is gone his lips are back on yours. You can’t get enough of him, his touch, his taste. You run your hands over his naked torso while his mouth is devouring yours. It doesn’t take long for both of you to get rid of the rest of your clothing. 

And as much as you’ve gotten used to feeling his naked skin on yours, it still makes you tremble. The feeling of his weight on top of you, his hips pressing into yours, his hard cock between you. 

“Need you” You mumble against Harrison’s lips. Why is he still holding out when he knows how desperate you are? 

“Turn around for me, baby. " Harrison murmurs against your ear. “On your knees. Ass up." His commanding tone turns you on even more and you're quick to obey. When you're in position, the side of your face pressing into the pillow, you impatiently wait for Harrison to do something.

It's almost unbearable to not be able to see what he's doing. Then you feel his hands on your ass before they move to your waist. Next, his hot breath hits your skin. Harrison places a trail of kisses down your spine, muttering praises against your skin. “So good for me. You're so beautiful, baby." He sinks his teeth into your left ass cheek, just deep enough so you can feel it. "My pretty girl" you gasp, whether that is because of his words or him biting you, you’re not really sure. You don't even have time to think about it because the next thing you know, Harrison runs his tongue through your slick folds. Your moans are dampened by the pillows, so Harrison pulls them away from your face and throws them across the room. "Wanna hear you" He places a sloppy kiss on your cheek, his chest pressing against your back. Suddenly, his finger is on your clit and the unexpected stimulation makes you moan loudly, your pussy clenching around nothing. 

"That's it" He keeps circling his finger around the sensitive nub, bringing you to the edge quickly.

"Harrison" You’re almost sobbing now.

"Hm?” Harrison knows you’re about to cum, he's familiar with your body and the way it reacts now. And being the tease that he is, he removes his hand, denying you the orgasm. You let out a whine in protest.

"I know you wanna cum Y/N. But I want you to cum when I'm inside you. Can you do that for me?" He’s panting, his breath hitting the shell of your ear. 

You nod quickly and gather your thoughts enough to say, "Harrison. Please. I can't take your teasing any longer."

"I got you" He places a kiss on your shoulder blade, then you hear a condom wrapper crinkle. You groan when, instead of finally sliding into you, he teases your clit with the head of his cock. 

“Harrison!” Your voice is muffled by the mattress, but your whine is clearly distinguishable. You feel Harrison’s chest rumble against your back as he chuckles. Then he lifts himself up, one of his hands gripping your hips, pulling them back up a bit.

And then he finally pushes into you. You both moan at the feeling. Your legs spread wider, slipping on the mattress but it doesn’t really matter because the next thing you know Harrison starts thrusting into you, his hands supporting his weight by the sides of your head. It feels so good you’re not even embarrassed about drooling a little onto the mattress. You try your best to meet his thrusts, but you can’t keep up with his pace, so you give up after a while. Harrison’s cock strokes against your g-spot with every thrust and your pussy is already clenching around him. You’ve been worked up all day. You won’t last long. 

“Ha-“ You can’t even form words anymore. 

“You gonna cum for me, Y/N?” Harrison presses out between his teeth. “Want to feel you cum around me” 

A few more thrusts and his wish is granted. With a guttural moan, you’re hit with your orgasm. 

“That’s it. Fuck. You feel so good.” Harrison keeps fucking you through your orgasm. All you can do is lie there, arms spread out as you try to come down from your high. 

But then he’s pulling up your hips again.

“You got one more in you?” He doesn’t give you time to answer, you wouldn’t be able to form words anyway. All you can do is push your hips up towards him. He shifts a little, lowering down on his left forearm while his hand finds its way between your legs. His fingers start drawing circles over your clit, your muscles tensing at the overstimulation, but you can feel the burning sensation in the bottom of your belly again. Your next orgasm building already. 

“Okay, c’mon. Want us to cum together.” Harrison’s thrusts slow down, syncing with the movement of his hand. His face is hovering close to yours now and you crane your head a bit to capture his lips, as soon as his tongue delves into your mouth you feel him twitching inside of you, and then suddenly you’re seeing stars. 

You have to separate your lips from his, both of you moaning loudly. 

When your highs have subsided, Harrison pulls out of you. You turn onto your side and rest your head against his chest once he returns to the bed after he disposed of the condom.

“You okay?” Harrison asks running his hand over your head. 

“Yeah,” You let out a feeble chuckle and snuggle a little closer to him, suddenly feeling cold. Harrison leans over to the side of the bed and picks up your blanket that had somehow ended up on the floor. He pulls it over both of you and you let out a sigh. You should probably clean up, maybe take a shower. But you’re too exhausted. 

So you relish the feeling of Harrison’s arm tightly around you, the even falling and rising of his chest lulling you to sleep.

***

The next morning you're awoken by the front door falling shut with a loud bang. Harrison stirs beside you and the fact that he's still in bed with you, and is therefore not the one at the front door, makes you sit up quickly. Who could it be? Your parents? Sam? Tuwaine? 

But Tom's voice is calling for the two of you the next moment. “Y/N? Haz? You guys home?” You quickly check your phone. Wednesday 11.34am. What was Tom doing here? He and Harry weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow! You asked them last night!

 Both you and Harrison sit up in bed. You’re both still naked.

“Y/N? Harrison?" Now it's Harry calling for you. You quickly reach for a discarded shirt on the floor, grab a fresh pair of underwear and sweatpants from your closet before dashing down the stairs.

The commotion captures your brothers' attention and as soon as Harry sees you he’s rushing over to you, wrapping you in a tight hug.

"I missed you" He mumbles into the crook of your neck. You hug him back just as tightly, patting the curly mob of hair on his head.

"I missed you, too" You breathe in his scent, immediately feeling more at ease. Suddenly, two more arms wrap around you. Now you're sandwiched between your two brothers.

"I'm glad you guys are back," you say when you finally need to pull away so you can breathe properly again. “Though it’s a little unexpected, weren’t you supposed to come home tomorrow?”

“We took an earlier flight.” Tom says “Surprise” And what a surprise it is. He smiles, the crinkles by his eyes appearing. He looks a little tired, but happy nonetheless. You can’t help but smile, too.

“Is that… Harrison’s shirt?” Tom’s eyebrows are creased as he looks at what you’re wearing. You did not pay attention to what shirt you picked up from the floor earlier, so now all of you are staring at the white shirt with the W and the red rose printed on the top left corner that you’ve pulled on. You can hear Harrison come down the stairs behind you. There’s no way you can talk about whether or not to tell Tom right away. And you decide that standing in front of him wearing one of Harrison’s shirt is not the best idea.

“Hm,” You cock your head to the side a bit. “Must’ve accidentally nicked it from the laundry.” You mentally pat yourself on the back for thinking of it so quickly. Harrison visible relaxes, too. “I’ve got a shirt quite similar to this” It’s not even a lie, who doesn’t have a white shirt?  

You don’t give Tom and Harry the chance to think about it for much longer “Have you been to mum and dad's already? I'm sure they're gonna be super happy to have you back earlier than expected"

“We haven’t. We wanted to take our stuff home first." Harry says.

“That makes sense” You nod. You need to get them out of the house as quickly as possible. There’s evidence of you and Harrison being more than just friends and roommates all over the house. “Why don’t you guys head over now? I’ve got some things to take care of but I’ll join you in a bit” You force a bright smile onto your face, hoping you can fool them. You notice Harry eyeing your suspiciously from the corner of your eye but decide to ignore it. 

“Sounds good. You coming with, Haz?" Tom looks at his best friend who seems a little lost in thought.

"Uh, yeah. I guess." His eyes flicker to yours for just a moment before returning to Tom "Let me just get dressed real quick."

You follow your brothers up the stairs and while they unpack a couple of their things Harrison gently pushes you into your room.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you coming?” Harrison hisses, closing the room to your door behind him. 

You start gathering some of Harrison’s things while answering “We can’t just leave the house like this. If they take one look at my room they’re gonna have a lot of questions.” 

Understanding washes over Harrison’s face. “You’re right. How do you want me to handle the situation?” He rests his hands on his hips.

“I don’t know” You let out a sigh, putting some of Harrison’s clothes on your bed. “Just maybe make something up if they ask what I’m doing and… be normal?” It’s more of a question than an answer. Harrison quirks a brow. “I’ll join you in half an hour or so. This shouldn’t take too long.” 

With a sigh, Harrison comes over to pull you into his arms. “It’s gonna be okay” He places a kiss on your temple, then you hear a door closing on the floor above you. 

You and Harrison quickly leave your room and if you would’ve been only a second slower, Harry would’ve caught you sneaking out of your room with Harrison. Was this what it was going to be like from now on? Or, well, until you tell them.

When the boys are finally on their way to your parents' house you quickly start tidying up the house. All of the shared spaces are quickly tidied up, but your room is a whole different story. You’re pretty sure half of Harrison’s stuff is in here now. There are his glasses on your bedside table, his phone charger next to yours, and a few pages of a script on your desk. 

You gather as much of his belongings as you can and take them over to his room. You’re sure there are still some of his clothes in your room, but you doubt your brothers are going to rummage through your closet. 

When you’re finally done you let out a breath. You feel slightly better, but clearing your room of the evidence doesn’t mean you and Harrison can leave it at that. You know you need to tell Tom. And now you can’t really put it off any longer. He’s home now. 

A/N: Well that escalated quickly... all of it :D sorry if that smut scene was similar to the last one but I wrote this one in October or November and I didn’t want to change it :D  Let me know what you think!! ❤️

everything taglist: @spidermanlondon​ // @duskholland​ // @tutuabby28​ // @missevrythingg​ // @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh​ // @thenoddingbunny-blog​ // @emilykjh​ // @clara-licht​ // @hollandfanficlove​ // @calltothewild​ // @crybabyalexxx​ // @hazardosterfield​ // @calsthomas​ // @quaksonhehe​ // @strawberrytom​ // @thirzaholland // @tombrina​ // @outshineallthestars​ // @serendipitous-amor​ // @soincredible​ // @trustfundparker​ // @localfangirlx​ // @writertoo18​ // @viagracex​ // @skamlover200​ // @wonderlandfandomkingdom​ // @wehavetomakeourheartssitstill​ // @thearchersupremacy​ // @itstaskeen​ // @camimndess​ // @allyz​ // @technosoot​ // @fanficscuziranout​ // @parker-hollandx // @givebuckyhisplumsnow​ // @dangerouslovefanfic​ // @ertherealrose​ // @i-married-a-pineapple​ // @miraclesoflove​ // @bi-girlwrites-2000​ // @seasidetom​ // @katcontrreras​ // * * // @fallingforfics​ // @destinedbooklover // @parkerpeter24​ // @selfcarecap​ // @moonphoric // @just-a-littlebit-of-everything​ // @emistrash​ // @badreputationlove​ // @turtoix​ // @haloxmendes​ // @anjalika03​ // @iamsherloki-wholocked​ // @the-fan-18​

bbf taglist: @m-a-r-i-n-t // @mrs-hollandstan​ // @unicorn-princess-1999​ // @mimisparkle12​ // @bearsbeetsbarnes​ // @annathesillyfriend​ // @sydsquibbles​ // @vapingisntmything​ // @littlebookbengal​ // @quethekillerqueen​ // @love-makes-all-things-beautiful // @swiftmind​ // @pearly-pisces​ // @cocoamoonmalfoy​ // @parkersharthook​ // @hotforharrison​ // @hopeless-romantic-baby​ // @dreaminsuga​ // @thefallenbibliophilequote​ // @wizkiddx​ // @practicallylivesonline​ // @minejungwoo​ // @kenisnothere // @sunsetholland​ // @messagesinthesky​ // @robertpattinson-th​ // @osterfieldvol6 // @bvttercupbby​ // @gog0juice​

harrison osterfield taglist: @hjoficrecs​ // @lolychu​ // @hazardosterfield​ // @hollandbroz-n-haz​

series taglist: @softholand​ // @svturtles​ // @cloverrover​ // @goodgirlgonetom​ // @justafangirlduh​ // @thegirlwiththediary​

#harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield fic #harrison osterfield smut #harrison osterfield series #harrison osterfield x holland!reader #bbf

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

MAYBE IT’S CALLED FATE

Prompt: Request, by the ever so lovely @auawdo Thank you so much for your request, pumpkin! I hope you’ll like it

Word Count: Long

Pairings: Seth Rollins x Reader

Warnings: Angst, smut(implied), cursing

Tag: @marlananicole , @theworldofotps , @new-zealand-chic , @yungbludjazz360

Notes: This has gained Seth a bigger space in my heart 🥰 Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) You can check them out on my Masterlist. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part, shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

PRESENT DAY

Staring out the big windows that display the snowy weather of Davenport, Iowa. I retraced the journey that lead me here...

FLASHBACK - 8 YEARS AGO

“Y/N? Where are you, babe?”

From the bedroom I heard the loud thump of his duffel bag being tossed on the floor

“Oh, there you are! I’ve been looking for y- Are you ok?” He urgently asks, running to me

“Seth, I need to talk to you”

“Uh Oh, those words are an omen for bad news” He whispered

“Please, seat down” I ask and he oblige

“I have to do this quickly, like a band-aid” I murmur to myself

“What will you have to do it quickly, Y/N?”

“I can’t stay here”

“What do you mean? You don’t want to live in Iowa anymore? That’s ok, we can move to Florida if-“

“No, Seth... I mean, I don’t think we should be together anymore” I whispered with tears in my eyes

“You wanna break up? But why? Have I done something wrong? Because if I did I’m sure we can work it out a-“

“No...”

“You don’t love me anymore?” Seth asked with hurtful eyes

“I do, I do but-“

“I love you too, Y/N. So, end of story!” He huffed

“Seth, I wish there could be an easier way-“

“Why are you doing this? What changed your mind? Did you fell in love with someone else? What is it, Y/N?” Seth screamed

“I don’t think it’s fair ok? Babysitting while I’m injured is not fair to you, having to stay here waiting for you to come home is not fair to me, holding you back from enjoying yourself with other women is not fair to you and wondering if you have been sleeping with other women night after night is not fair to me. So let’s stop it before we hurt each other”

“What? First of all, I don’t babysit you, I TAKE CARE of you because I love you! Second of all I NEVER cheated on you and you know that. I FaceTime you every night until I fall asleep, just so we don’t feel lonely, because I know how hard this can be! I’ve been on your shoes...And for the record, you’re the one who’s hurting me with this breakup bullshit thing”

Seth tugs on his hair from frustration, pacing around the room

“I’m sorry, but is for the best Seth” I caress his beard, memorizing every feature of his face

“These are the painkillers, the stress and the injury speaking not you...It’s not you, right baby?” He asked in despair

“I’ll always love you Seth, you’re an incredible man and someday you’ll find a very lucky girl who deserves you”

“No, I want you! You deserve me” He grabs my suitcase, trying to pull it out of my hand “You’re not leaving, I won’t allow it. You’re not going anywhere” Seth tugs on the suitcase.

“Seth, please don’t do this” I beg

“No” He sobs “Please don’t do this to me, please don’t leave me, Y/N. I need you, I love you, I can’t live without you” Seth grabbed my face softly in his hands “Please tell me that you’re kidding me, that this is a prank...Please Y/N this can’t be true. Tell me you still love me, that we’ll be together! I can’t-“ Seth began to cry uncontrollably

“Shhhh...I’m sorry, baby. You’ll be fine. I promise you, you’ll be ok” I try to comfort him

I laid with him on his bed one last time, enjoying his bearded cheek on my chest one last time. Running my fingers through his hair gently, reassuring him that it will all be fine. When his sobs were replaced by a soft snoring, I stand up from the bed, covering Seth’s body with a blanket. Pecking his lips for the last time, I grabbed my suitcase, slowly closing the bedroom door and leaving behind what it used to be my home.

FLASHBACK - 7 YEARS LATER

The last thing I wished was see him again, the last thing I wanted was to end up in SmackDown with him and of course that God was in his jokester mood today and decided to deliver me this little joke called fate.

“Y/N? I can’t believe it!” Roman ran to me, giving me a bear hug and successfully spinning me around the arena’s hallway.

“Oh Lord, calm down you Samoan beast! Jesus” I laughed loudly

“I didn’t knew you were back! Why didn’t you told me?”

“I didn’t wanted to draw to much attention” I trailed off

“Because of Seth?” Roman asked and I just gave him a sad smile as an answer

“You can’t hide forever, Y/N. You know that, right?”

“I know... I just need a few days”

“Or not” Roman said, pointing with his chin at someone behind me

I felt his presence before I could see him

“Y/N?”

I turn around to meet his gaze, it had a mixture between surprise, pain and...love?

“Hello, Seth”

“Oh my God, it’s been so long” He reaches his arms for a hug but ended up changing his mind “What are you doing here?”

“I needed a job, so” I laughed lightly

“I thought I would never see you again”

“Looks like destiny has other plans” I mumbled

......................................................................

For the next two weeks I bump into Seth everywhere I go: arena, hotel, gym, convenience store, liquor store, diner, bar, even at a club’s bathroom line! The chemistry between us was still there, awake. Even after all those years my body called for him like some sort of drug. And I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wanted him back, not just for the sex but for everything else.

I’m at the local Starbucks when I meet him again (it’s the fourth time today), I had to put an end to this so I decided to talk to him about everything that happened in the past.

“Sure, we can talk about it” He shyly answered

We chose a hidden bench at the local park to sit down

“Thank you, for agreeing with this”

“It’s fine, Y/N” Seth weakly smiles

“Well, first of all, I would like to apologize to you. For everything I did back then...I wasn’t thinking straight and I don’t know what took ahold of me to have made such a dumb decision”

“And it took you 7 years to realize that?” He asked, sounding hurt and mad at the same time

I shook my head “No, to be honest with you, I regretted my decision when as soon as I got home”

“Why didn’t you called me then?”

“Because I thought you would be angry at me, wouldn’t want to see me or talk to me. The mere thought of you rejecting me was unbearable” I whispered

“And how do you think I felt?” Seth spat “Do you think it was fun for me to wake up and find out you were gone? I called you Y/N, I texted you, I called your brother, your sister, even your mother! I sent you emails, I went to your house, I tried everything I could to get you to talk to me. Just so at least I could get some type of closure, but you never gave me that opportunity. You shut me off, pretended I never existed, erased me from your life and now you expect me to do what? To welcome you back in my arms? To say that I missed you and that I was waiting for you all those years? Is that what you want? For me to stop my life completely just so you can enter it again and ruin it again once you decide you‘ve had enough of me?”

The only thing I could do was to remain silent, I knew Seth and I knew that sooner or later he would end up lashing out and saying everything he always wanted to say for those past 7 years, so I just sat there and took it like a big girl even with the tears rolling down my eyes. Afterall, I was the one who brought that to myself.

“I can’t do that, I gave you too much power the first time and I will not give you the same power again! When you left I hit rock bottom Y/N, my life was partying, booze and pussy. I almost lost my job because of that! Do you know how many nights I spent awake thinking of you? Crying over you? Trying to understand what had I done wrong for you to leave me like that? Do you know how many women I fucked thinking about you? Wishing they were you? Wishing to wake up in the morning and find you laying there by my side? Wishing that it was all a nightmare? Now you come here, 7 years after the shit storm and say that you’re sorry and that the thought of me rejecting you was unbearable so you just left? You know what, Y/N? Fuck you! Fuck you and your shitty apology, I don’t need this bullshit! I’m better without you, now I can fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. Without having to worry about their incapacity of having a relationship because of their stupid and childish commitment issues” He stood up and left

And now, by the irony of fate, I’m the one who gets abandoned now.

......................................................................

I got his message that day in the park, he doesn’t want to talk to me, so I do exactly that. I leave him alone. I never met him at random places anymore after that day.

It has been a month since I came back and any hope I had of settling things with Seth went down the drain.

I’m finishing zipping up my duffel bag when someone knocked on the locker room door

“Yeah? It’s open” I screamed

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

My heart stopped when I heard Seth’s voice

“Hi, umm sure. What’s up?” I ask

Seth closed the door behind him

“Can we sit down?” He points to the small leather couch

I nodded, sitting down by his side

“I wanted to apologize to you” He started “The things I said to you that day at the park were unnecessary, I should’ve dealt with it in a better way”

“It’s ok, Seth. We both know I deserved” I weakly smile at him

“No, you didn’t! Even though I was confused and hurt, I didn’t had the right to do that to you. I truly am sorry”

“It’s ok, buddy. Apology accepted” I patted his knee and he holds my hand there

“I’m going to ask you something, but I need you to be completely honest with me, ok?”

“Of course”

“Do you still love me?��� He asked and my whole world stopped

I looked down to my feet and honestly answered “I never stopped loving you, Rollins. No matter how hard I tried”

His only response to me was a cheerful grin.

1 YEAR LATER - PRESENT DAY

“What are you doing staring out the window, baby? It’s fucking freezing! Come back to bed” Seth’s arms circle around my waist, trying to pull me back to bed

“I’m enjoying the snowy morning view” I chuckled

“Meh” He scoff “I have something more interesting for you to enjoy if you come back to bed with me” Seth smirked

“What possibly could be nicer than this view”

“Hmmm, I don’t know...maybe something thick and warm that slides in and out of you, maybe?” He bites my neck and I can’t help the little moan that escaped my lips

“That sounds fun” I grab him through his boxers, teasing him

Seth moans “Oh you’re gonna regret that”

He picked me up in his arms right before tossing me back onto his bed....

Please if you’re comfortable with it let me know your thoughts on this? Feedbacks are always appreciated 🥰😘

#seth rollins smut #seth rollins fanfiction #seth rollins x reader #seth rollins one shot #seth rollins imagines #seth rollins #wwe x reader #wwe smut #wwe one shot #wwe imagine #wwe fanfiction #masochist writes

[dreamiesdotcom]

shooting star | n.jm

Summary: You take a pen, resting your cheeks on your palms as you lazily think of words to write — now and then, you lock gazes with Jaemin and you pretend that the red in your cheeks is just of the cold.

Word Count : 3.9k

The rooftop is big, but it feels a little crowded.

The addition of people is not bad, you think, especially since those people make your friends happy. By tradition, you welcome the New Year in this rooftop, playing music and games just like the other days but this time, with more food and... well, New Year stuff — fireworks, things to make noise with. The addition of people is not bad. If you're observant enough, it can even be entertaining.

As an example, if you look close enough, you'll see that Renjun and Jisung have been just friends for too long. That, in the sense of Renjun watching Jisung playfully ride the beat, a smile that tips over the line of finding his carelessness unbearable in a growing-more-in-love kind of way.

He looks lost, maybe even intoxicated in the other's laughter, admiring the way Jeno can make his best friend easily drop his shyness. Renjun looks like he wants to know how. If you look close enough, you'll see the regretful heart behind his faux scowl.

Renjun looks at Jeno and Jisung with longing, the kind you're familiar with. He turns to you, and you avert your gaze a little too late because he's giggling as he walks over to your direction.

"So, you saw me, huh?" He asks, handing you a glass of whatever drink he first laid his hands on, no 'happy new year' or any appropriate first greeting. He leans against the railings and sighs wistfully, "Look, do you ever just fall in love with your best friend's boyfriend?"

"Out of random?"

"You don't fall for people at random." Bewilderment crosses his face, and he turns to you the same time you look at him. You shrug, and he arches a brow, "You let that build up and wait for it to destroy you."

You let that build up — the words echo inside your head as you break eye contact. Right across, Donghyuck pulls away from hugging Jaemin with a bright smile, handing him a gift. Jaemin sets it down, and probably feels your gaze on him because he looks up and beams at you. Red flushes your cheeks. — and wait for it to destroy you.

"Toast to that, I guess," you smile, watching him pretend to judge you and fail. Chenle calls out his name for a picture before they set up the fireworks, and before Renjun detaches himself from you, he bumps the rim of his glass to yours. You sigh.

"To the love we wished deserved and didn't."

Shock engulfs his features, then he laughs and he repeats the words before he leaves. The sudden lack of company feels a little cold.

You look at the candle one of them randomly lit, looking at it in stupor before picking it up. The wax trickles and scorches your skin, but you don't wince like you probably would any other feeling day. You hold onto it firmly until its golden glow is close enough to your hands, warm enough that you could pretend it's about to set you on fire.

All so suddenly Jaemin is beside you, blowing off the flame. You watch at him in question until he smiles.

"That'll burn."

"That's alright," you fake a laugh. "I want for a lot of things to burn."

###

It all starts on a Wednesday, a fine afternoon spent sitting at a cafe, waiting for Donghyuck. Your notebook remains open at your side, empty and waiting to be filled with unabashed emotions. The past eight months were spent uninspired, and you decided to look around the place in search of something — maybe the vintage items, the ivory wallpapers, the beautiful chairs — anything.

Something comes in the form of nervous eyes and flushed cheeks, a boy sitting at the far right of the place. He sits alone, fingers tapping on the table, sunlight grazing his skin. You almost hated how cliche everything had been — a boy, an uninspired poet, hands that so desperately itch to write about faded pink hair and a lost angel.

Your gazes meet, and everything unfolds way too softly for it to not be love at first sight.

At that moment, you knew nothing that good should be real. At that moment, you knew nothing that good could be yours.

You were right.

Donghyuck comes in, and he waves at you excitedly before furrowing his brows. Your best friend had always been adorably one of a kind, but none of his weirdness could have prepared you for when he walks straight to the boy's table, and you were almost certain he caught you two staring at each other and is waiting to set you two up, until he's walking back to your table with the brightest grin, the boy beside him.

Their hands entwined.

"He's my boyfriend!" He squeals, "Oh hell, should've said his name first. He's Jaemin, and he's my boyfriend."

"Oh..." you nodded, hands subtly moving to close your notebook. "Uh. Hi."

They both stand in silence before they start cracking up, inevitably making you smile. You excuse your awkwardness, and Donghyuck introduces you two again, and you shake hands this time. You pretend you don't feel shivers run down your spine.

The day passed in blurs of sugar smiles, a love story, a dull throb in your heart. The poetry being written in your head never got finished.

###

The first time you realize it, the world seems to forget you were even born, Donghyuck's across the world with his parents, and solitude is eating you alive. You find yourself stumbling back to the same rooftop, plucking rose petals with a sad face.

It's probably petty — honestly, it is, but it's not just that. It's not that you wanted gifts, or you wanted attention; you wanted to just feel special, to know that someone is glad that once upon a time on this very day, you were born. To belong. To feel wanted. To be told "Happy Birthday" because you are important and should be celebrated.

And maybe it's also because you grew used to it, waking up to several different ways of saying 'Happy Birthday'. Maybe you were used to midnight greetings, to people forcing you out of bed at 6 am, to eating breakfast and lunch and dinner together. Your home had been so empty and to have your friends fill that gap even just for a day is something you look forward to every year — the mournful feeling is there again.

8 pm glares at you on your lock screen, and it reminds you that you can't do any of that now. You tip your head back and let your back hit the floor. Maybe if you look hard enough, you'll see a shooting star and it'll give you a little something.

"What're you doing?"

You look up, surprised but not alarmed. Jaemin's soft smile greets your sight.

"I'm laying down and waiting for a comet to strike me."

The sound of his camera constantly breaks the static, and you realize that he'd been taking pictures of the nightlife. He makes a noise that tells you he isn't convinced with your answer, but you don't entertain him anymore. You just watch him take as many polaroids as he can, and you laugh because suddenly, the only thoughts in your mind becomes 'pretty, pretty, pretty'.

You force a laugh, "It's my birthday."

"Is today your birthday!? Nobody told me!"

"It's not important. I mean, who celebrates birthdays these days, righ— Hey!" The familiar snap sounds again and you stand up from where you're laying down, ready to hit him, but then he gives you the film. You look at his hands and back up, "What's this?"

"My gift." He shrugs as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. You take the picture from his hands, hesitant but relieved that it seemed to look nice, anyway. Jaemin smiles, "It's the image of an angel."

The world stops.

It's ridiculous and cheesy, even he knew that; the two of you laugh uncontrollably. It wasn't the kind of laughter that fades after a minute, but rather the kind that stops for a while only to start up again. The sound grows louder with each passing moment, and your eyes meet, but you don't stop until you both become embarrassed enough to blush; neither of you look away.

 Maybe you are in love.

Maybe you are in love, and maybe he is too — except this time, it's not with Donghyuck, who it should be.

###

"It's you I meet again," Jaemin chimes. "What's up, buttercup? What are you doing here, a coffee shop, at 3 am?"

You look around the cafe, the tables empty. You briefly wonder about when Jaemin started working here before you realize you're unnecessarily curious. You press your lips into a thin line, looking for someone.

"I'd like to assume you already know." Your forehead creased when you noticed the unusual absence, "Where's my favorite boy?"

"Am I not your favorite boy?"

Jaemin pouts, and heaven, how it made your heart skip. You blink, spending the moment in silence, waiting for him to give up. "You are, indeed, not my favorite boy," You smile sweetly. "Where's Renjun?"

"I'm here because he's not. Do I seem like I work here? I was drinking coffee before he passed me an apron and left."

You roll your eyes, a poor attempt at keeping in the words of agreement — you kind of do, you look pretty, I could write so much about you — and you pretend to want nothing but get your drink. It takes an eternity before he lets you go, but once he does, you get comfortable on a table and whip out your notebook.

You look down on the first page, tracing the neatly written words — a confession if anybody who knows you gets to read it. A confession more than a dedication.

To the boy I shouldn't have loved.

The very same shooting star who gifted me a lifetime of heartbreak.

You heave a heavy sigh. You take a pen, resting your cheeks on your palms as you lazily think of words to write — now and then, you lock gazes with Jaemin and you pretend that the red in your cheeks is just of the cold. From that moment, every word you write is either about lights so bright you don't forget how beautiful he was under them, or something so strong it erases every trace of him from your system.

Jaemin leaves the counter and takes the chair across you. You look at him in confusion.

"I don't think you can do that?"

"I just did so I suppose, I can definitely do that." He smiles brightly. "So, what're we doing?"

You eye your notebook before quickly closing it, and then your half-finished cup of coffee. It's still dark outside with only some cars and people passing by, none of them interested in coming inside the cozy place. You say something about just being about to leave, and you look at him as if to say whatever's inside your head. Then, you stand up and walk away.

"Stay," he whispers, light enough that you'd think you weren't supposed to hear.

You swallow the lump in your throat when you feel his hand wrap around your wrist, cold against warm, and you don't have to look at his face to know of the begging stare he has directed for you at the moment. You try to look away but you feel weak, so weak that you could only manage a thin, shivering voice.

"Let me go."

"I can't."

Then don't, the voice in your head whispers, the selfish one; the greedy one, the desperate one. In reality, you close your eyes and tug your hands back because what's wrong is wrong, and what's wrong can never be right.

###

The rain clouds come one of the many times Jaemin asks for you to accompany him, and the storm looms darker above you with each genuine 'yes'.

The way this set up started had been pretty simple — hanging out together as friends, getting closer for Donghyuck's comfort; best friend-boyfriend bonding as he called it. For a while, it was everything. It's just your best friend trying to get you to trust his boyfriend, getting to know each other, and that's all — that's the truth.

It was friendship until it wasn't, and that was the truth until it was not anymore.

The night was peaceful so you didn't expect anything to go wrong, but expectations aren't always accurate. The sea looks calm, the moon brighter than all the other days. Jaemin's playing a somber song, something magical that just fits right for him and bittersweet love. His eyelashes flutter in a way gentle enough to drive you crazy, his perfume mingling with the cold night sea breeze, and it's too much that it drives you insane.

"What's wrong?" He asks as if he already knows the answer. "You're not telling me something."

It's been three months and a year since you and Jaemin started hanging out alone, and the swirling guilt in your gut is unnecessary because you're not even doing anything wrong.

It's the fleeting moments, you think, those lingering touches whenever you try to take from him the keys — "I'll drive," you'd whisper when you see yet again that look. Jaemin would smile, "What, scared I'll crash? I'm not stupid." — and when he doesn't give them, you sigh heavily with a hopeful look in your eyes. "Where to?" You'd ask even if you didn't care, and he would let himself forget the world as he opens the door for you, whispering words only a dreamer would say: "Stars."

And maybe it's where everything goes wrong. He shouldn't dream much for hopeless cases.

"Hey, shooting star," you call. He arches a brow at the nickname, but you ignore him. "Do you love me?"

"Would you hate me if I do?"

"You're dating my best friend, so of course, fuck you." You chuckle, shaking your head. "I hate myself more, so don't take it personally."

You meet his gaze, and the world shifts yet again just like at that moment in the coffee shop — angel boy, uninspired poet. He looked at you the same way he did weeks ago at the New Year's Party, that in the way his eyes are saying so many words for him to not be in love with you. Except now, he's much closer. Except now, in the confinements of his car, nobody to witness but the sea and the stars, he's leaning in and his breath is tickling your skin.

Except now, he's about to kiss you and you're not stopping him.

I can't, the rational part of you whispered. You say that you can't, but you're almost always on the edge of something and you're brave enough to consider through the guilt; you hate to admit it but that's the truth. You say that you can't, but at the same time, you don't draw yourself away from him — why?

Because in each and every one of this I can't's is the nasty truth that reads I want to.

You look at the water, and you chase your thoughts out with a dive. Jaemin's lips are still hovering above yours, and maybe if you weren't so numb you'd feel his heartbeat. You want to tear away, you want to run home and make a call and cry a litany of apologies. You want so much. You want so much, but what you want the most at the moment is for him to do what you can't and just kiss you already — you'd rather break yourself than not have this.

You close your eyes and decide that whatever will come tomorrow is something you deserve. You'll break your heart and ruin your world just for a kiss, and he'll leave — but you'll know that for a while he loved you and everything else is forgotten. You choose him and you forget all the consequences.

Just for once, just tonight. Just right now you'll let yourself indulge. Just this time he can have everything.

Right before your lips crash, you catch yourself and swim.

"Would you give me what I want, because you love me?"

Your words come out raspy, your eyes glistening with tears. Jaemin smiles in a manner just as heartbreaking, "What do you want?"

Not him — dear moon, I want him so bad, but I can't — definitely not him.

"I want fire so hot it burns away all the bad thoughts in my head." You suppress a sob as you move away, leaning back on the seat, clutching the fabric of your clothes as if to search for any semblance of sanity. "I want light so bright I forget you."

"What… what?"

You look at him with pure misery, "I think we should stop seeing each other."

Jaemin doesn't reply, but he starts up the car and makes a turn. You close your eyes hoping that everything could just be washed away by the rain, and you don't look at him for the rest of the drive.

###

Never in your life did you even think of living life without your best friend. That just can't happen, and so, why give it a thought, right? You're with him all the time, and he's been there since you can remember, and it wouldn't make sense if one day you wake up and he's all too suddenly not there anymore. You're certain that he's not going anywhere, and even if you're unsure of what the future holds, you aren't so worried.

If you knew, maybe you should have been.

"Hyuck?"

"Are you gonna remind me of the time I almost drowned and you told me you'll kill me if I die?"

"I'm leaving."

The traces of his previous chuckles disappear, and it seems like a movie scene with the way yours bloom tragically as you watch colored lights reflect on his skin. Then, as if sunrise, a slow smile etches on his face. A brief moment of regret and pain crosses his eyes before love overtakes it.

"You don't have to." He murmurs, sight still cast at the sea. Both his hands are tucked in his pockets in such a leisure way, and then he casually peers at you, "You don't have to leave because I'm not mad."

The sea makes the wind blowing even colder, and suddenly, the docks that used to warm you with sunlight feels cold as snow.

He knows... of course, he knows. Donghyuck saw your iridescence from every side and he knew how everything looked by heart; of course, he knew, he's your best friend, after all. Oh, how evil you are. How evil you are for loving the boy who belongs with him. How evil you are that even after that, Donghyuck reaches for your hands and you let him hold you; you let him smile at you sweetly, you let him calm you still.

"How can I even get mad at you? I love you more than anything in this world," he chuckles, and it breaks your heart. "You're my best friend and I'll give Jaemin up if I have to, if that will make you happy."

If that will make you happy... if it will make me happy... why did I do that to you, love? How did I manage to... oh, sweet heavens.

"You're all I need forever," you answer weakly, breathless and breathing all the same in his hug. It's your way of saying no, absolutely no, your sadness would never make me happy. You thank the high heavens that he couldn't see your face and the pain in it when you whisper, "But at the moment, this is what I need. Distance."

The first tear falls from Donghyuck's eyes, and the sudden drizzle of rain washes it off him. You look up to him and see longing, wondering just why it had to be this way, almost begging you you stay. He looked like he's about to send the world away if it meant that you won't have to leave, but the truth burns down to your determination, that he always admired: you have made your mind and there's no stopping you. You know what is best for yourself, and Donghyuck trusts you.

Set yourself free, Donghyuck whispers before he walks home. After that, please come back to me.

###

When you meet Jaemin ten hours before you leave, he's standing at the very same place Donghyuck was the day before. He's wearing a similar jacket, standing in a similar manner, looking just as beautiful against the water. The only thoughts running inside your head is how perfect they are.

"Jaemin."

Not even 'shooting star' anymore.

He turns at the call of his name, and you're still standing on both of your feet, but it feels like diving deep. His skin reflects the very same lights Donghyuck's did, but it looked kind of different — be it red or yellow, white or the shadows; everything looked midnight blue. It feels like standing on a cliff and almost tipping over, eternally almost tipping over and falling into blue nothingness.

Jaemin smiles, not happy but breaking. It makes you hold your breath.

He laughs, "Don't break my heart."

"In the next life." Because it's all that you could have. You return his smile, "I hope I deserve you in the next life."

His laughter rings in your ear, but it doesn't make you laugh at all; instead, it makes you want to sob or scream or just hurt, yet again, to savor the pain because he doesn't want you to but it's all he could give. It feels claustrophobic to align in a way that's everything meeting with your soulmate should be, with someone who's not your soulmate. Or you are indeed soulmates, but not the ones destined to be together like that. Just two wholes that compliment each other but are meant to be torn apart.

"I just said don't break my heart, what did you do?" He tries to crack a joke, walking the last step to be closer to you. He tilts his head in that charming way, "Why did I fall in love with you?"

"Hey, Jaem... you're not. Forget that. Love him." You shake your head, fixing the collar of his shirt, an excuse for one last guiltless touch. Your voice breaks, "He's my best friend. I love him more than the world."

And just as he is to me, I would rather let you go and make him happy, you smiled at yourself. I'd rather you make each other happy.

"I know." he croaks out, a fragile smile on his face. "In the next life?"

You try to imagine a life where Jaemin isn't haunting your thoughts; you can't. For a moment, you fear meeting someone else and not being able to love them because they're not him. You fear that they'd be kinder, softer, gentler than Jaemin and you won't be able to love them back because oh, Jaemin was just right; he was too much but in a way where it's just enough — Jaemin who looks at you like you hold galaxies, Jaemin who would risk the world, Jaemin who is with your best friend. The doomed play goes on and you think again of a life where he isn't what you desperately love, and realize that indeed, hopefully, in the next life.

In the next life, because this love feels right but it's not. In the next life, because it's painful but you'll love him still again and again and again until your stars finally agree.

"In the next life." You nod, fingers clenching on the straps of your bag. You look at the ocean ahead of you, and the lights it reflects, and then you close your eyes as you feel the wind.

"Until then, shooting star."

—

yellow tags 💛

coffee shop

untitled1

#nct dream one shot #jaemin oneshot #nct dream x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #jaemin fanfic #jaemin imagines #jaemin scenarios #also nahyuck #haechan x jaemin #platonic haechan x reader

[4stars-uswnt]

A Shoulder to Lean On [Preath x Daughter!Reader]

requested by anon: More preath with daughter!reader? Something a little angsty where the reader came from a toxic home and can’t communicate her feelings very well with them and they’re worried about her a lot. And she finally feels safe enough to tell them she’s not been doing well mentally and they comfort her.

A/N: hope everyone had a happy holidays and a happy new year!! after a much much needed break, here’s some writing! lol it’s pretty long but i hope y’all enjoy it :)

warnings: mention and brief description of abuse, mention of bullying, slight swearing

“You ready, kiddo?” Tobin asks, as she rolls her suitcase to the front door of the apartment.

“Mhmm,” you hum. “I still don’t see why I have to go with you guys. I’m old enough to stay at home alone, and I’ve done it before.”

“You know why.” Christen gives you a stern glare, reminding you of the exact reason, as you roll your eyes.

A couple days ago, you had gotten into a fight at school. One of the guys in your class had been picking on you, calling you names, hitting you, and asking why your moms would adopt anyone like you, not that you’d told Tobin or Christen any of this.

Ever since you had been adopted about two years ago, when you were 15, you hadn’t been the best at openly communicating with your moms, especially about your feelings. Your previous home life wasn’t the best, as your biological parents would verbally, and sometimes even, physically abuse you.

After going through that whole ordeal and then jumping around in foster care, you weren’t used to expressing your emotions nor were you used to having people, like Tobin and Christen, who actually cared for you.

So when the two soccer players took you in and adopted you, it was certainly an adjustment for you. You found yourself often bottling everything up and then lashing out, usually taking form in a yelling match between you and your moms.

Both Tobin and Christen, but particularly the curly-haired forward, were worried about you. They knew you hadn’t ever actually had the chance to process the traumatic events of your childhood, and your coping mechanism of keeping it all to yourself was not healthy. However, every time they tried to talk to you, you would brush them off.

Though, their worried had been heightened a couple of days ago, when they’d found out you’d resorted to physical violence, punching a boy in the face. But they couldn’t let your actions go unpunished, hence why you were traveling with them to Cincinnati for the USWNT’s SheBelieves Cup training camp and matches.

“Whatever,” you mutter under your breath.

“Come on, this is hardly a punishment.” Christen squeezes your shoulder, decidedly ignoring your comment, and picks up her bag, motioning for you to do the same. “In fact, I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself.”

“I doubt it.” You grab your duffel, as the three of you make your way downstairs.

“Emily and Lindsey will be there,” Tobin offers, knowing that might cheer you up. Living in Portland, you spent a lot of time with the two blonde women and formed a sisterly relationship with them.

You shrug, trying to hide the excitement bubbling within you.

“Come on you two,” Christen calls over her shoulder, as she packs the suitcases into the trunk of the Uber.

“Just try and tone down the attitude, for your mom’s sake, okay kiddo?” Tobin suggests, patting your shoulder. You roll your eyes but nod in agreement.

“Let’s just get this over with,” you huff quietly to yourself, sliding into the backseat, as the three of you make your way to the airport.

——————

As you walk into the lobby of the hotel, trailing behind your moms, you hear someone call your name.

“(Y/N)!” Emily runs across the room and hops on your bag, Lindsey following close behind.

You wince, as the two older women crash into you and squish your body.

“You’re here at camp!” Lindsey claps your shoulder. “We’re gonna have so much fun.”

“Yeah.” You shrug. “I’m gonna head up to my room.”

You give them a small smile, wiggling out of their hold, and approach your moms.

“Could I have a key to the room please?”

“Here you go.” Christen pulls out the card from her coat pocket, placing it in your hand. “We’re having team dinner at 6, so be down by then.”

You nod and head down the hall to the elevators.

—————

A couple hours later, after you’d unpacked, showered, and scrolled through your phone, you walked into the large conference room, where the team dinner was set up.

Knowing the routine by now, you grabbed a plate and began to serve yourself some food. Scanning the room, you decide to take a seat next to Sonny and across from Lindsey, your moms only a few seats down.

As you begin to take a bite of salad, you feel Emily nudge your elbow. “So was what you did so bad that your parents had to force you to come to camp?” The defender shovels a mouth full of food, looking at you expectantly.

You furrow your brow. “Huh?”

“Well,” Lindsey chimes in. “You rarely ever come to national camp anymore, and when you do it’s usually a punishment of some sort because you look miserable.”

“Fair.” You nod, taking another bite.

“Well, you gonna spill the beans?” Mal asks, joining the conversation.

“Just stuff at school.” You shrug, as the youngsters around you exchange glances.

“What happened at school?” Rose raises her eyebrows.

“Nothing,” you mumble, ducking you head. “I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

Ignoring you, Sonnett keeps pushing. “Did you not do your homework? Get a bad grade on a test? Ooooo did you get into a fight?” The defender leans forward on the edge of her seat, poking your arm, as the rest of the younger players pause their meal, eagerly awaiting your answer.

You feel yourself getting increasingly agitated, and you clench your hand around your fork.

“Emily!” Tobin calls out from across the table. “Stop being so nosy and cut it—”

“I said I didn’t wanna talk about it!” You yell, as you slam your fist down onto the table, causing the plates and silverware to clatter. The entire room goes silent, everybody turning to look at you to see what’ll happen next.

“(Y/N) (Y/M/N) Press-Heath!” Christen scolds, giving you a glare, nodding her head to the door. “Outside, now.”

You drop your utensils and push your chair away from the table, following your mom out of the room.

Once the two of you are alone out in the hallway, the silence becomes unbearable. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed, you hang your head and avoid eye contact with Christen.

“(Y/N), what happened in there?” Anger evident was evident in the forward’s voice, but she remained calm.

You shrug your shoulders, putting your hands in your hoodie pocket.

Frustrated by your behavior, Christen sighs, “That behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and you know that, (Y/N/N). You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, mom,” you murmur, intensely staring at the plain pattern on the hotel carpet.

“Look at me, honey.” Christen gently lifts your chin with her finger, her eyes softening. “Talk to me.”

You lock eyes with your mom and feel guilt pulling at your heart. You knew that your parents wanted what was best for you and that they actually cared for you, unlike your biological ones, but after what you’d been through, you couldn’t bring yourself to open up very easily.

“I’m just tired,” you easily lie, your eyes fleeting from Christen’s green orbs.

“Okay,” your mom sighs in defeat. “Well in that case, go upstairs and get some rest.”

You give her a small smile and turn to make your way towards the elevators. Before you could get too far, Christen calls after you, “And don’t come back down until you’ve lost the attitude!”

Looking back at her, you throw up a thumbs up, before pushing the up button. After a quick elevator ride up to the third floor, you unlock the hotel room you shared with your moms. Glancing over at your backpack leaning against the desk, you know you should probably start your homework and study for your biology test, but the bed calls to you, and before you know it, you’re fast asleep under the covers, sleep taking over.

—————

The next morning, you wake up in a bed all by yourself. Looking over at the opposite bed, you notice it’s empty, your moms already up. You glance at the clock. 8:17 am. Rolling over to grab your phone of the nightstand, you check your text messages and see one from the group chat with your moms.

Ma 🤙:

Morning kiddo. Breakfast starts at 8 but we didn’t wanna wake you. Hope you slept well. Please be down before 9. Love u

You simply give the text a thumbs up, before sliding out of bed and making your way to the bathroom for a shower.

Once the water is to the temperature of your liking, you step under the hot water, steam filling the bathroom. You were honestly grateful your moms had already gone down to breakfast, as it left you alone to shower in peace.

When you were back at your old home, the shower was the only place you could escape. You would use it as a place of refuge, where the water would drown out all the noise of your parents’ yelling and screaming, numb the pain of your cuts and bruises, and leave you to empty your mind.

Closing your eyes, you let the water hit your face and drip down your body. You try to feel every single drop when it hits and as it falls, grounding yourself in the present.

After a few minutes, you pull your head out from under the water, wipe your eyes, and get on with cleaning yourself.

Once you’ve finished showering and getting dressed, you make your way down to breakfast. You grab a banana and a yogurt before sitting down across from your moms.

“Good morning, sweetie,” Christen coos. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” you respond, as you peel your banana.

“You feeling better?” Tobin subtly asks, raising her eyebrow at you.

You nod, your mouth too full to voice a response.

The two women exchange a worried glance, causing you to roll your eyes. “Moms, I’m fine.”

“Alright, kiddo,” Tobin sighs. “Just know if you ever need to talk about anything, we’re here for you.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, giving her a small smile.

“Well,” Christen starts, as she begins to clear her plate. “We have to leave for training in about ten minutes, so you either have two options: you can either come to the field with us and watch training or you can stay at the hotel and do your homework and study for that test coming up.”

You grimace at your options, not really like either of them. Before you can formulate your decision, your mom interjects, “And yes, you would actually have to do homework. Phil agreed to stay back with you of that’s what you choose.”

“Like a babysitter?” You scoff.

“No,” Christen calmly states. “Just someone to make sure you’re actually doing your work. And Phil does have an MD, so he’d probably be able to help you with your biology.”

“I think I’d rather come watch your training,” you decide, wanting to see your moms play, also having some interest in the sport of soccer.

“Awesome!” Tobin grins at you. The forward had been trying to warm you up to the idea of playing soccer, obviously not pushing anything onto you, but she couldn’t be faulted for trying.

“Okay.” Christen nods, putting a hand on her girlfriend’s arm to calm her down. “That means you will have to study and finish your work later.” She gives you a stern look, daring you to protest.

You nod, taking one last bite of your strawberry yogurt and putting the banana peel in the plastic cup.

“Okie dokie. It’s time to go. Let’s get moving.” Tobin slaps the table, getting up from her seat.

After quickly cleaning up breakfast, you follow your moms, along with the rest of the team, onto the bus. Looking down the aisle, you try to find an open seat, knowing your moms sit together.

“(Y/N)!” Emily shouts, waving to you from the back of the bus. “Come sit with us.”

You make your way towards where all the youngsters sat and see that Emily and Lindsey have squished together, making room for you on the aisle seat.

As you plop down, Sonnett rests her hand on your shoulder. “(Y/N), I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have been so nosy. It won’t happen again.”

“Thanks, Em.” You nod, a small smile on your face. “And I’m sorry for snapping and yelling like I did.”

“It’s no problem, (Y/N/N).” Emily grins, ruffling your hair, as she goes back to being her goofy self.

For the rest of the bus ride, you watch and listen to the youngsters antics, ranging from Sam’s terrible puns to Mal’s mediocre rapping. To your surprise, you find yourself having a decent time, glad to be spending time with people somewhat close to your age.

—————

After getting off the bus and arriving to the field, the team slips on their gear and starts warming up. You find a seat on the bench, bundling up in your mom’s puffy jacket.

About an hour and a half later, Vlatko blows his whistle, signaling the official end of practice, but a bunch of the players remain on the field, either getting in some last minute shots or playing a fun game of 1v1 or 2v2.

“Hey, (Y/N/N)!” Lindsey yells from across the field, where her Emily and Mal are playing keep away. “Come join us.”

You glance over to your moms, silently asking for approval, to which they both give you a thumbs up and large grins, encouraging you to go play.

Getting up from the bench, you jog over to the group of younger players.

“So it’s gonna be me and you versus Sonny and Mal. Sound good?” The blonde midfielder asks you, passing the ball to your feet.

All you can do is nod, before Emily is quickly pressuring you, almost stealing the ball. Trying to remember a move you’ve seen Tobin do a million times before, you roll the ball out in front of you, baiting the blonde defender, and then quickly slip it through Sonnett’s legs, passing it to Lindsey.

“Wooooo!” Tobin cheers from behind you. “Nice move, kiddo!”

“You taught her well, babe,” Christen gushes to her girlfriend, bumping their shoulders.

For a second, all Emily can do is stand in disbelief. “I can’t believe you just megged me, (Y/N/N). How could you do that to me?” She gasps, feigning offense, as she puts her hand on her chest.

Rolling your eyes, you playfully shove the older woman. “Don’t be so dramatic, Sonny.”

As the four of you continue your game of keep away, you can’t help but love the way the ball feels at your feet and the way you have complete control over it. The control and freedom of the game feels nice, practically foreign.

Lindsey makes a pass to you, splitting the two defenders. Once you receive the ball, Emily is, once again, quickly on your back, but this time, as you hold the ball away from her, shielding it with your body, she can’t control her momentum and crashes into you.

You fall to the ground with a huff, feeling the wind knocked out of you, as you’re not really used to the physicality of soccer. Rolling over so you can sit up, you grimace. “Ouch.”

“Oh, come on, (Y/N/N),” Emily chuckles, as she moves to stand over you, holding out her arm to help you up. “That tackle wasn’t that hard, probably didn’t even hurt at all. Don’t be such a baby.”

The words ring in your head, triggering old memories of the man who called himself your father. ‘Don’t be such a baby,’ he’d say whenever you whined about something, even though that was to be expected of a five year old. ‘Don’t be such a baby,’ he’d say as he slapped or kicked you. ‘Don’t be such a baby,” he’d say when you told him about the bullies at school. ‘Don’t be such a baby,’ he’d say, and so you didn’t, at least you tried.

As you ground yourself back in the present moment, you to catch your breath, as you gasp for air. The rage ultimately consumes you, as your blinded by the pent up anger and resentment you held towards your father.

You abruptly push yourself up off the ground and get in Emily’s face. “Don’t talk to me like that!” You grit between your teeth.

“Woah, (Y/N).” Emily backs away from you, holding her hands up in innocence. “Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” You yell, pushing the other woman’s shoulders, causing her to stumble backwards.

“Alright, (Y/N/N).” Lindsey quickly moves in between the two of you. “You’re okay.” She tries to calm you down, but to no avail.

Tobin and Christen, hearing the commotion and your yelling, run over to you and gently but firmly grab you, pulling you away from the blonde defender.

“Come on, (Y/N),” Christen scolds. “We’re going back to the hotel. Now.”

The three of you make your way towards one of the team vans, your moms deciding it would be better than to ride back on the bus with the rest of the team.

During the ride back to the hotel, a tense silence hung in the air. You still hadn’t cooled off, your fists clenched and your knees bouncing. Though your mom was upset by your behavior, she couldn’t help but worry, stealing glances at you in the rear view mirror.

The elevator ride is much more of the same, no one daring to speak until you’re in the privacy of the hotel room. Even as you enter the room and take a seat on your bed across from your parents, you’re still silent, waiting for your moms to yell at you.

Tobin waits, her eyes darting between her daughter and her girlfriend, as she knows Christen is usually the disciplinary out of the two of them. Christen, herself, is choosing her words wisely, not wanting her frustration to boil over.

“(Y/N),” your mom begins her scolding. “That behavior is absolutely unacceptable! It’s one thing to be getting into fights at school, but here, at our workplace and with our teammates, that won’t be tolerated.”

You hang your head, as you fidget with your fingers, feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you, sweetie,” Christen gently directs. Lifting your head, you meet the looks of both your moms, and you can’t stop the guilt from bubbling in your chest.

“I’m sorry, moms,” you whisper. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you, or disappoint you.”

“Thank you for your apology.” Your moms move to seat on either side of you.

“We forgive you, kiddo.” Tobin says, taking your hand in hers. “But we’re worried about you. And until you talk to us and tell us what’s going on, we can’t help you and that’s all we want to do.”

You slightly shake your head in disbelief. “Why?”

“What?” Your ma furrows her brows, confused.

“Why do you wanna help me?” You say a little louder, getting frustrated by the thoughts in your own head. After having to fend for yourself for so long, the thought of depending on others was still difficult for you to accept.

“Because we care, (Y/N). We love you,” Christen cries, as her voice cracks, and she rubs your back soothingly.

“Well I don’t need your help!” You exclaim angrily, shaking off your moms hands, as you stand up from the bed to turn to face them.

At your outburst, Christen’s heart breaks with the weight of defeat. Taking a deep breath, trying to compose herself, her face hardens.

“Watch your tone when you speak to us,” your mom sternly states, her eyes telling you that she’s not messing around. “You’re going to stay in this room and finish your homework and study for your test. No TV, no phone, nothing but your school work. Got it?”

You nod, gulping down the knot in your throat, as tears burn your eyes.

“Hand over the phone, kiddo.” Tobin holds her hand out and gives you a sympathetic smile.

Reaching into your back pocket, you pull out your phone and and place it into your moms open hand.

“We’ll leave you to it.” Christen moves closer to you, before kissing your forehead. “We love you, (Y/N/N), and that’s why we’re doing this.”

All you can do is watch as your moms exit the room, Tobin grabbing the television remotes on her way out. Sighing, you plop down on the bed and run your hand through your hair.

For a second, you contemplate just taking a nap and not doing any of your work, but you knew if you did that, your moms would be even more upset, and you did’t want to test that.

So, you unwillingly sit down at the desk and pull out your laptop and notebooks, starting with your history homework.

—————

After about two hours, you’d completed all your homework and started reviewing for your biology test. It wasn’t that school was hard or that you had trouble understanding the material, it was just that you did’t like doing the monotonous work. You never really saw the point in doing homework if you already understood the concepts.

You check the clock and notice it’s 6 o’clock, almost dinner time. Sitting up straight, you stretch arch forward, stretching your back and lifting your arms.

You wonder what your moms wanted you to do for dinner, but seeing as you had no way to contact them, you decide just to quickly grab something from the team’s buffet and pray they don’t see you. However, you have a feeling they wouldn’t be too upset at you for not staying in the room if you were getting food, but you knew you’d pushed the envelope earlier, so you honestly didn’t know what to expect.

Quietly closing the door behind you, you quickly make your way down the hall towards the elevator. Just as you’re about to turn the corner, you hear your mom’s voice.

“I just don’t know what to do. I mean she’s never really opened up to us that much, but she’s never resorted to violence.”

Immediately you press yourself against the wall, hiding yourself but also so you can hear what they’re gonna say.

“Well, I don’t know if you can keep bringing her to camp anymore, especially if she’s gonna act like that.” You hear Megan’s voice echo in the hallway, and you feel a pit form in your stomach.

“Hey,” Tobin protests, coming to your defense. “(Y/N)’s a good kid. I think she’s just been through some stuff, but I think she enjoys coming to camp and hanging out with the team, even maybe playing soccer.”

You fondly smile, hearing your ma defend you to her good friend, even when you weren’t there.

“I think I’m gonna run up some dinner to her after we eat,” Christen says, worry evident in her voice. “I may have been too harsh on her.”

“Babe, it’s a tough situation, but I think you handled it very well,” Tobin tries to ease her girlfriend’s concerns.

“Hey, why don’t I bring her her dinner and maybe talk to her a little?” Ashlyn offers. “I mean I just thought I might be able to get through to her, maybe even share some of my own experiences with her.”

“That’d be great, Ash, thanks.” You see your mom, but you can hear the smile in her voice.

You don’t hear the rest of the conversation, as you turn around and quickly make your way back to your room, now that you know Ash is bringing you some food.

—————

It was about an hour later when you hear a knock on the door. “Hey, (Y/N), it’s Ashlyn. I brought you some dinner.”

Getting up from the desk, you go to open the door, revealing the blonde goalkeeper holding a plate of food. “Hey, Ash. Thanks for the food.”

“Can I come in?”

You bite your lip, weighing your options. “Yeah, sure.” Opening the door wider, you move to let her in.

Following her into the room, you place your plate on the desk, after moving your work to the side. You sit down to start eating, when you notice that Ashlyn is still watching you from the end of your bed.

“Ummm,” you mumble awkwardly. “Was there something you wanna talk about?” You ask, even though you already had a good idea as to where this conversation was heading.

Ash takes a deep breath before talking. “Look, (Y/N), I’m just gonna be straight up with you. I know about the fight you had at school, and I saw what happened at dinner last night, and I saw the almost fight you had with Sonnett today at practice. And I know that you’re not that kid, because I’ve heard what your moms have had to say about you.

“But I also know that this aggression, this anger, that you have, it’s not healthy. I don’t know if it’s some pent up shit or if it’s something you’re going through currently, but whatever it is that’s bothering you, it’s not gonna go away if you keep it to yourself.

“And honestly, I should know because I’ve dealt with some tough shit that life’s dealt me, but you know what? I didn’t get through that alone, and neither will you. But luckily, you have two amazing and supportive moms that are there for you, and will support and love you, but only if you let them. You even have all of us because this team is a family, and so now you’re part of that.

“So basically, I’m just here if you wanted to talk. It doesn’t even have to be about school or what’s been happening. Could be about anything: your favorite food, the stupid biology test I heard you’ve been studying for, Tobin’s weird obsession with using the same three emojis, Christen’s morning routine, whatever you want, I’m here.”

During Ashlyn’s speech, a whirl of emotions circulate your body, but most of all, you feel warm. You feel warm knowing you have people in your corner rooting for you, something you weren’t entirely familiar with before.

Almost as if the older woman’s words had knocked down a damn, your eyes flood with tears, sobs wrecking your body.

“I just— I’ve never had anybody who— They were always so mean— I could never say anything— I didn’t want—,” you gasp, struggling to breath with the intensity of your crying.

“Shhhhh, it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be okay,” Ash coos, as she wraps her arms around you, allowing you to cry into her chest.

After a couple of minutes, after your tears have subsided and your breathing’s evened out, you sniffle, pulling out of the goalie’s embrace.

“I didn’t really have the best childhood growing up with my biological family, you know, before Tobin and Christen,” you begin to explain the shortened and simplified version of your story.

“My parents weren’t the best, actually they were the worst,” you say with a chuckle, knowing that was an understatement. “The kids at school, Emily at the dinner table and at practice, it’s all just a trigger, reminding me of things my parents used to do and say. I guess, when I was younger, I never really processed what happened, so now, I just react with all this anger that I have for my parents.”

“(Y/N).” Ashlyn squeezes your shoulder. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I really think that if you talked to Tobin and Christen and opened up to them, even if it’s just what they told me, they’d still love you and support you.”

“Really?” You ask, uncertain.

“Mhmm,” she hums. “As much as it would calm their worrying, and you know how much Chris can worry sometimes,” the two of you share a laugh at that, “I think that this is something you need as well: to have parents in your life who will actually be parents for you, who will guide you, support you, love and care for you, tell you when you’re being stupid, give you advice, let you make bad decisions because that’s how you’ll learn, let you be your true self. I think, deep down, that that’s something you truly want.”

You follow her words and nod. “Yeah,” you sigh. “I do want that.”

Ashlyn gives you a soft smile, as she stands up from the bed. “How about I go get your moms and you guys can talk?”

“That’d be great,” you agree. Just as Ash’s about to leave, you call out to her, “And Ash?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” You give her a sincere smile, trying to convey your gratitude.

Ashlyn just nod with a grin, receiving your message, before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

—————

After Ash left, you started to pace around the room, nerves fluttering in your stomach, as you were mentally rehearsing what you were gonna say to your moms.

About ten minutes later, a knock on the door interrupts your thoughts. “Sweetie,” you hear Christen’s muffled voice. “Can we come in?”

“Yeah,” you call back, resuming your pacing, as the two women enter the room.

“Hey, kiddo.” Tobin approaches you. “Ash said you wanted to talk to us?”

“Yeah.” You take a deep breath and shake your hands, ridding yourself of the nerves. As you sit down on the bed, both of your moms take a seat opposite you on the other bed.

“I just wanted to explain some stuff to you guys, tell you my story or whatever, you know, all that jazz,” you stammered awkwardly.

“(Y/N/N), we don’t want you to feel pressured to tell us anything if you’re not ready,” Christen assures.

“No, I need to share this with you. I want to,” you insist, adamantly shaking your head.

“Okay, we’re here for you.” Tobin nods, giving you an encouraging smile.

You take another deep breath before diving into the story of your life. “As you obviously know, my biological parents weren’t really fit for raising a child, which is why you adopted me, but you already knew that.”

You run your hands through your hair, as this was proving to be more difficult than you thought. But looking at the warm and understanding eyes of your moms, you push through.

“My parents, especially my father, were abusive, both verbally and physically. It started as early as I can remember. They would always be calling me names and insulting me if I didn’t do things correctly, even for the tiniest mistakes like leaving the toothpaste on the counter.

“Growing up with that and hearing it everyday, I started to believe it. I thought I was useless and stupid, a no good child, those words ingrained in my mind. But I was taught not to show any emotions. ‘Don’t be such a baby’ is what they’d always say to me.

“So, I learned to hide it all, even if that meant keeping it all to myself. I guess that’s why I’ve been acting out recently; it’s all bubbling over, exploding out of me.”

You quickly glance at your moms, scanning their faces for any hints of disgust or anger, but all you can see is empathy and sadness.

“I didn’t tell you this, but I guess I should’ve: the kids at school bully me, calling me names, insulting me, and sometimes even kicking me. Sometimes, they even talk about you two, why you’re together or why you would adopt someone like me.

“At dinner yesterday, Emily just kept pushing me to talk, which I’ve never really encountered before, and I was really uncomfortable, so I just snapped. And at training, she said ‘don’t be such a baby’ after she’d tackled me, and those words triggered all those memories of my father, and all that anger and hatred I have for him just came out.

Hanging your head, tears falling down your cheeks, you bite your trembling lip. “I know that doesn’t excuse my behavior, and I accept my punishments, but I just thought you should know my past, especially because your my moms and I’m your daughter.”

Through the blur of the pools in your eyes, you see your moms giving you a sad, fond smile.

Sniffling, you choke back a sob. “I’m sorry I’m not the perfect daughter you guys wanted, but I love you, moms.”

Tobin and Christen immediately move to either side of you, wrapping you up in their arms and rubbing soothing circles on your back.

“Oh, (Y/N/N),” Christen whispers, kissing your temple. “Sweetie, will you look at me.”

Lifting your head from the crook of her neck, you meet her teary eyes.

“(Y/N), we don’t want a perfect daughter. We want you, every single part of you, even the most scarred and damaged parts of you, because you know what?” She brushes loose hair out of your face.

“Hmm?”

“All those parts of you are what make you you. (Y/N), you are an incredibly intelligent, kind, caring, and beautiful soul, even with all your scars.”

“Don’t forget talented!” Tobin chirps from next to you. “I saw that nutmeg earlier today.” She smirks, as she gives you a knowing look, causing you all to share a wet chuckle.

“Thanks, moms.” You lean your head against Tobin’s shoulder and hold Christen’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “I’m so grateful for you, moms. I love you guys.”

“We love you, too, kiddo.” Your ma leans down to kiss the top of your head, as Christen lovingly snuggles against your side, humming in agreement.

“And just know that if you ever need to talk to anybody or just need a shoulder to lean or cry on, we’re always here for you.”

You nod against her shoulder and close your eyes, enjoying the feeling of contentment and warmth, the feeling of home that you found between the love of your moms.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #preath x reader #preath x daughter!reader #uswnt #tobin heath #christen press #preath

[femininenachos]

Make America Gay Again (10/?)

Previously: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

“You don’t have to go.”

In the lazy, hazy comedown after a really fantastic orgasm, Clarke’s mouth has a tendency to engage before her brain does. There’s a second or two of lag before the sex fog lifts and her mind catches up, before she registers that Lexa has gone perfectly still, frozen to the spot on the other side of the room.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Clarke kicks herself mentally.

Because of course it’s too much, too soon. Lexa has barely dipped a toe out of the closet in years. She’s probably having a discreet, controlled mini panic attack over there, like Clarke just asked her to fucking U-haul, not spend the night together cuddling and shit.

Just because they wasted the day and most of the evening screwing on the couch (a couch she’s probably going to have to get professionally steam-cleaned before Linc returns from his weekend getaway with O), it doesn’t necessarily mean Lexa wants, or is comfortable with that level of intimacy yet. Sleeping over. Waking up beside one another. Doing that whole tentative dance of navigating the morning after.

Okay, it’s fine. I can handle this, Clarke reasons once she’s done castigating herself. No need to blow it out of proportion. Maybe she can save face and rescue things if she downplays the suggestion.

She licks her lips, and it really doesn’t help that all she can taste is Lexa.

“I mean,” Clarke clears her throat to rid her voice of its extra raspiness, a little hoarse from the ragged noises Lexa had coaxed from her many times over. She adopts her most casual, unaffected tone. “It’s already late so… no big deal.”

At last, Lexa turns around slowly. Backlit by the diffuse yellow glow of the uplamp in the corner, her expression is hard to decipher when it’s shrouded half in shadow, but Clarke’s attention is soon diverted elsewhere.

In the past several hours she’s been treated to Lexa in varying stages of undress, but there’s something about this in-between state—blouse open and only partially buttoned—that’s unbearably erotic. It’s been forever since Clarke last felt the urge to pick up a pencil and sketchbook but, God, Lexa like this makes her itch to draw.

Transfixed, Clarke drags her eyes up the slope of Lexa’s ribs, over the small swells of her breasts encased in pale satin, the sharp jut of her collarbones and the graceful length of throat that Clarke had the reckless audacity to leave her mark on. It gives her such a thrill to see those mouth-shaped pink splodges, knowing that Lexa might have to put on concealer and wear scarves for the next couple of days until they fade. It makes her want to suck deeper bruises into Lexa’s skin, ones that can’t be hidden with makeup and a high collar.

“Stay,” she blurts before she can stop herself, doubling down on her complete inability to exhibit any fucking chill around this woman. “Just, stay tonight. And in the morning we can get coffee and bagels from the deli across the street, and—”

“Clarke.”

It’s no louder than a whisper, but that single soft exhalation of her name is loaded with so much longing and hesitance and regret.

Lexa draws in a breath, about to say more when they both hear a faint buzz, accompanied by the trill of a musical ringtone that sounds far too obnoxiously cheerful right now.

Sitting upright, Clarke runs a hand through the tangled mess of her hair, in quiet observation mode as Lexa hurries over to fish her phone out of her coat pocket. She makes a face at the screen then wanders closer to the window before she answers with a neutral, “Hello.”

Despite her burning curiosity, Clarke makes a concerted effort not to eavesdrop. All she can hear is a garbled male voice on the other end anyway. But green eyes flick towards her briefly, apologetic, as Lexa tells the caller without inflection, “I’m fine. I’m with a friend.”

Then, in a sharper tone, “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Roan.” Silent for a tense stretch before she sighs heavily. “Just inform her I’ll be home shortly.”

After the call ends, Lexa bows her head for a moment. Like she needs those few seconds of silence and stillness to collect herself.

Clarke waits.

Gnaws on the corner of her bottom lip, reluctant to pry into what was clearly a thorny personal matter, but her care and concern wins out.

“Everything okay?”

Lexa straightens her posture. Tucks her blouse into her skirt, and when she faces Clarke again, her small smile is strained around the edges.

“Just my step-brother checking up on me at Nia’s bidding.” She rolls her eyes a bit and resumes buttoning up her blouse. “Roan isn’t around much. He runs a VC firm in New York, but he’s agreed to join the final campaign push to present a united front.”

Her lip curls.

“Unfortunately, that means I’ll be seeing a lot more of him in the coming weeks.”

Clarke tries to be attentive, she does, but there’s something mesmerising about the nimble movements of Lexa’s hands when less than thirty minutes ago those long, slender fingers were buried inside of Clarke, fucking in deep while she frantically ground her hips into Lexa’s open mouth.

The recollection makes her flush hard, a fresh trickle of arousal pooling between her thighs.

When she finally snaps out of her trance, it’s to find Lexa watching her intently too, that dark stare trained on her chest. Clarke had pulled on a loose, oversize t-shirt after a trip to the bathroom, and she doesn’t need any visual confirmation to know her nipples are half-poking through the thin brushed cotton. They already feel tight and sensitive against the soft fabric but under Lexa’s heavy-lidded gaze, they stiffen to aching, fully erect points.

“You can’t keep looking at me like that and expect me to let you go,” Clarke warns.

Lexa’s jaw grinds a little before she forces her eyes up, and the undisguised hunger Clarke sees reflected back at her only makes her wetter.

“I wish I didn’t have to.”

There’s a rough catch to Lexa’s otherwise soft voice. Like it pains her to even contemplate going anywhere else when there’s the guarantee of more orgasms if she remains. She appears to have some kind of internal debate, weighing a decision before her resolve hardens, a determined glint in her eyes as she strides over to where Clarke sits.

Wordlessly, Lexa pulls her up by the wrists and draws Clarke’s arms around her waist. Cups Clarke’s neck. Kisses her with such depth of feeling that it scrambles her brain and leaves her swaying on her bare feet when they separate for air, Lexa towering over Clarke in her expensive black pumps.

“I would love to get breakfast with you someday,” Lexa says, the warm gust of her breath hitting the bridge of Clarke’s nose. “Hopefully once this election is over. Is that alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Clarke nods slowly, distractedly, trying to piece her scattered thoughts back together while eyes and lips compete for her attention. She flattens her palms at the small of Lexa’s back, feeling the warmth of her skin soak through the silk blouse. “Uh, so... are we still on for tomorrow? Dinner, I mean.”

The fingers that are curled around Clarke’s

neck shift and thread into her hair, wreaking havoc on her nerve endings, sending a cascade of shivers down her spine. Without conscious thought, she pushes her hips forward, brushing against the tops of Lexa’s pencil skirt-clad thighs.

“Mhm.” A smirk plays at the corner of Lexa’s mouth. Far too pleased with the reaction she’s gotten from a simple touch. “Should I bring anything?”

Clarke tamps down on her first instinct to say “an overnight bag and no PJs” and instead shrugs, “Wine or beer, whichever you prefer.”

“Planning to get me drunk?”

“I think you proved you’re uninhibited enough without any alcohol being involved.”

That raises a faint blush, Lexa’s tiny ears tingeing pink as her eyes slide away. Charmed by this sudden bout of shyness, Clarke pulls her bottom lip between her teeth in an attempt to curb her grin. A second later, she gives up the ghost.

“Never would’ve guessed a temptress lurked beneath that twin set.”

A pout. “Now you’re just making fun of me.”

“Sorry,” Clarke says in a tone that expresses the opposite. “You surprised me, that’s all.”

Lexa shoots her a cautious look. “In a good way?”

“Well, duh.”

Clarke squeezes Lexa’s waist in gentle, genuine reassurance, and with it the slight tension in Lexa’s frame ebbs. Hands wander further south, rounding the tight curves of Lexa’s perfect, perfect ass in that skirt.

“Apparently, GOP girls gone wild really does it for me.”

She chuckles at Lexa’s subtle eye roll, the slight pinch of full lips.

“Although, it doesn’t have to be like that every time.” Clarke tightens her grip, earning a hitched breath. “We can take it slow too.”

Dark lashes flutter oh so prettily.

“Okay.”

But then Lexa gives her this long, searching look. Deep and penetrating. Growing more pensive in the lull, and Clarke isn’t really sure how to interpret it.

She moves her palms back up to safer territory.

“What?” she prompts, offering what she hopes is an encouraging smile.

Lexa moistens her lips and Clarke does her best to ignore her body’s automatic response to that brief glimpse of tongue: the sudden leap of her pulse, the heat that curls low in the pit of her stomach.

“I wanted to ask—well, to clarify.” Lexa stops short and takes a breath. A tiny grimace pulls at her mouth, but she seems to gather herself and forges on. “Are you… dating anybody else?”

For a moment, Clarke just stares.

Does a slow blink.

Her face must have rearranged itself into a particular expression, because Lexa rapidly backtracks. Literally. She shrinks back a step when it dawns on her that the question didn’t land the way she intended.

She noticeably flusters and under any other circumstances it would be endearing, but right now Clarke is just… floored.

“What I mean is, I’d like for us to continue,” Lexa waves her hand in a euphemistic manner that alludes to boning. “And if you’re seeing someone, or even multiple people—”

“Right,” Clarke scoffs. “Because I’m bi I must be a big ol’ slut?”

Lexa blanches.

“No! That’s not…” Her jaw drops as she stares in mounting bewilderment and dismay at how this conversation took such a disastrous turn. She clamps her mouth shut. Knits her brows together, looking chagrined now. “Clarke.”

It feels like someone dumped ice water in Clarke’s veins, dousing her earlier ardour.

“For your information, I don’t fuck around.” She sees Lexa wince at the acidic bite of her words. “When I’m into a person, I’m not busy scoping out other options. Jesus.”

Clarke folds her arms and angrily stalks away, needing to put some distance between them.

Seconds pass before she hears Lexa’s quiet, cautious footfalls on the carpet as she draws nearer. And despite Clarke’s annoyance, her body is attuned to Lexa’s proximity. It makes the skin on the back of her neck tingle, raises goosebumps along her forearms.

“I realise I’m making a horrible mess of this but, please,” Lexa says from behind, voice so soft and earnest that it tugs at Clarke, even as she stubbornly fights to hold onto her aggravation. “Will you give me a chance to explain?”

She stares at a spot on the wall. Heaves a sigh. But after a prickly stretch of silence she turns her head a fraction, just enough to show that she’s listening.

“I was going to say that I’d understand. If you did choose to see other people. If you wanted a romantic partner who’s open and unafraid and available in all the ways I can’t be right now.”

Her frown deepening for a different reason, Clarke turns around. “Lexa...”

“Please, let me finish.”

Lexa might be putting on a brave facade, but Clarke doesn’t miss the watery gleam in the corners of those sad, solemn green eyes, and it thaws her frosty mien a little more.

“Alright,” she says evenly.

A small, grateful nod.

Lexa’s gaze barely flickers.

She weighs her words before she speaks.

“Clarke, you deserve so much more than clandestine hookups with a closet case. And it isn’t fair to expect you to wait around while I untangle myself from my hellish family.”

Her bottom lip does an almost invisible tremble, but then she sets her jaw and the planes of her face become tense and drawn, and Clarke kind of hates that she finds it so damn attractive.

“So I can’t—won’t—ask for us to be exclusive,” Lexa goes on. “Because all I want is for you to be happy and fulfilled, even if it isn’t with me.”

At this point, Clarke doesn’t know whether to kiss Lexa or yell at her for this stupid, misguided martyrdom. Instead, Clarke gravitates closer until they’re almost nose to nose. This time Lexa holds her ground, although her lips tighten and her throat bobs, betraying her unease.

“You keep talking about what I want,” Clarke says, “Like you’ve made up my mind for me without consulting me at all. Well, I’ve got news for you.”

She prods Lexa lightly in the chest.

“You don’t get to decide.”

“Clarke—”

“No. Listen. Did you miss the part where I said I’m emotionally invested?”

Another poke; hard enough to force Lexa a quarter-step backwards. Entirely worth it for the flash of surprise on her face.

“I was talking about you, Lexa. I am into you. Not the hypothetical dozen or so lovers you seem to think I should be juggling.”

Lexa‘s mouth twitches. “That’s a gross exaggeration.”

“Hey, if I’m going to be a ho, I’ll be the best one I can be.”

“I admire your ambition.”

They share a wry look.

And just like that, the chord of tension that’s been strung tight between them slackens.

Relief visibly drains through Lexa, her features softening, a ghost of a smile there now. The absurdity isn't lost on Clarke either. She cracks a small smile too, and when she touches Lexa again, it’s to run a conciliatory hand down her arm, all the way down until she catches Lexa’s fingers.

Clarke gives a little tug.

“You have got to get this idea out of your head that you’re somehow not worthy just because you’re not out yet.”

Lexa dips her head and expels a quiet sigh, avoidant of Clarke’s gaze.

“Coming out is a process—a lifelong one—and everyone moves at their own pace,” Clarke says. She squeezes Lexa’s fingers. “So what if you weren’t going to Pride when you were fifteen? It doesn’t invalidate your experiences or make you any less gay.”

Lexa glances up, raising an enquiring eyebrow. “Did you go at that age?”

“My Mom and Dad were like the poster children for PFLAG, so yeah, they took me.” She chuckles in fond remembrance. “The summer I told them I liked boys and girls, they stuck a ‘best bi’ bumper sticker on the car and flew a huge fucking rainbow flag from our front porch.”

“Quite a statement.”

“Mm, the neighbours thought so too. We even got some anonymous hate mail.” That part she remembers less fondly. “But anyway, the point is, I was lucky to have a strong support system.”

She lifts her other hand to cradle Lexa’s cheek, sweeping a gentle thumb over the apple of it, heart tripping at the way Lexa leans perceptibly into the touch.

Clarke lets the weight of the moment settle before she half-whispers:

“I could be that for you.”

A glimmer of wetness returns to Lexa’s eyes, and it makes the lush, deep green of her irises all the more vibrant.

“I’ve had to stifle this part of myself for so long in order to survive,” she confesses thickly.

Clarke nods and strokes Lexa’s cheekbone again, doing what little she can to soothe the hurt of untold years of anguish. Her hand drops to the ball of Lexa’s shoulder, rubbing slow circles there.

“I can relate. Our community can be biphobic as fuck. In the past, I didn’t always correct people when they assumed my sexuality because I just didn’t want to deal with the prejudice and hostility.”

“At least your parents, your friends and associates never made you feel ashamed, made you believe your entire existence is a mistake.”

“No,” Clarke allows, “but I’ve been told to pick a side. That I don’t belong in queer spaces when I’m dating a guy.”

Lexa is silent, but her eyes soften with sympathy.

Clarke draws in a deep, cleansing breath and blows it out slowly; an attempt to course-correct, to reset the conversation, because this isn’t about her.

“I just—I want to help you embrace this aspect of your identity. Because you’re a lesbian Lexa. Such a lesbian. And when you hide that, you’re hiding one of the best parts of yourself.”

Lexa regards her a little dubiously. “It’s a sexual orientation, not a personality trait.”

“Yeah, well, for many of us our shared queerness confers a sense of belonging and solidarity. It’s a source of strength.”

Clarke slides her hand to Lexa’s nape, nails scratching lightly back and forth over warm skin and through the short curls that escaped Lexa’s hastily put-up bun.

“Look, being gay doesn’t have to define you any more than being a Republican does.” Clarke allows herself that small barb, smirking at Lexa’s answering eye roll. “But if you open your heart and your mind, on both counts, you might be surprised at the acceptance you’ll find.”

In lieu of a verbal response, Lexa slips an arm around Clarke’s waist, pulling her in closer until they’re pressed tightly together along the length of their bodies. And Clarke melts at the soft kiss Lexa dusts against her temple, how Lexa rubs her nose into the fuzzy shaved hair above Clarke’s ear. Her own lips seek the tender skin of Lexa’s throat, that spot where her pulse beats strong and fast, where the faint trace of perfume lingers, mixing with the natural scent of Lexa’s skin.

For a full minute they just absorb the heat and comfort of one another, their breathing and hearts in sync.

Lexa is the first to withdraw, leaning back to meet Clarke’s eyes. Under that infinitely soft gaze a warm feeling washes over her, Lexa’s affection a tangible thing that causes a wild flutter below Clarke’s ribs.

“Our people are extremely fortunate to have you as an ambassador, agitating for change,” Lexa murmurs, and Clarke can’t get over the way her eyes appear to glow, even in the low lamplight.

It takes Clarke a second to latch onto the “our.”

The subsequent small upturn of Lexa’s lips is like a personal attack.

It’s impossible not to kiss her then. Clarke, living for Lexa’s whimper as she licks over that plump lower lip and dips inside. She gets consumed by exploring Lexa’s mouth, kissing her deep and heavy, directing every movement with a hand on Lexa’s jaw.

When they separate, several heated minutes later, Lexa’s pupils are blown and her breath is coming in quick, shallow puffs. She has Clarke’s t-shirt roughly bunched in both fists, her grip only loosening gradually.

While every cell in Clarke’s body is screaming at her to drag Lexa back to the couch for one last tryst, she reminds herself this is a marathon not a race, and she needs to conserve some energy for their date tomorrow. Because she has plans. Plans that involve stretching Lexa out on her bed and keeping her captive there, possibly for hours.

So Clarke lands a final kiss on Lexa’s parted lips and extracts herself, twisting out of reach.

She adores Lexa’s pout.

Does nothing to hide her grin when she says, “What? Gotta leave you wanting more, right?”

Dark, dark eyes run up Clarke’s bare legs and over her body.

“I do, Clarke.”

#MAGayA retired

[timelesslords]

time, mystical time (cutting me open then healing me fine)

Read on AO3

The night the second Giant War ends, Percy and Annabeth sneak out together 

For the first time in what felt like years, Annabeth was able to exhale.

They'd done it. Gaea was gone, the Romans were on their side, various monster armies had been defeated. Sitting on the porch of the Big House with the remaining seven after all was said and done had felt like both one of the most anti-climactic, and heaviest moments of her life. Leo was gone, and she hadn't fully processed that yet, she wondered if she would ever fully process that Leo, so full of life and energy, wasn't there anymore. But compared to the Titan War, casualties had been light.

She still felt on edge, like at any moment the dirt in front of her might rise into Gaea's familiar form, shout "surprise!" and murder them all now that they had their guard down. But the hours passed, night fell, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Which, considering how Annabeth's life had gone the past 7 years, was extraordinary in and of itself.

But it still didn't feel right. It didn't feel done . She could breathe out, but breathing in still felt like a struggle, like there was something caught there.

Maybe that was why, once her siblings seemed mostly asleep, Annabeth slipped on her yankees cap and snuck out the door. She reached Cabin 3 easily, and was not at all surprised to find Percy still awake when she tapped on his window. He opened it, letting out a waft of cool sea breeze into the night air. Annabeth pulled off her cap and Percy grinned at her.

"Thank gods, I was wondering if you were ever going to show up." he said.

"Some of us have roommates." Annabeth replied, but she was also smiling. Percy had a conspiratorial grin on his face, the kind that was contagious, and that would make any self-respecting teacher want to cry.

"Give me a sec," He said, disappearing from the window, and returning with a blanket a few moments later. Then he began to climb out.

"You know the door is like six feet away, right?" Annabeth asked, watching with amusement as he maneuvered his way out of the small window hole. Percy managed to slide out of it, his feet landing on solid ground a little harder than he probably intended.

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?"

"You're ridiculous." Annabeth said. She had not meant for it to come out quite so fondly, but she didn't have the heart to try and correct herself.

"You love me anyways." Percy said happily, taking her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. It felt so easy, so natural, Annabeth could almost forget the past 8 months had happened. Like they were still two kids who had only been through one war in their lifetime instead of two Which, okay, maybe a pretty pathetic ideal, but it still made her feel good.

They made their way down to the beach, careful to avoid the cleaning harpy's regular paths, though Annabeth doubted they were even on curfew duty tonight. There was still tons of debris lying around from the earlier battle that hadn't been fully squared away yet, despite everyone working around the clock to get it done. Though, with help from the Romans, Annabeth thought they could probably have camp looking back to normal in the next day or two. They were scarily efficient. Either way, the harpies were probably taking the night off.

The beach, thankfully, had remained relatively untouched from the battle. There were a few dunes she wasn't sure had been there before, and what looked like a bit of wreckage from one of the orangers. But they ignored both, opting for their favorite spot just above the tideline, in the middle of the beach. Percy set down the blanket, and they laid down on it together, still holding hands.

They were quiet, but that didn't bother Annabeth. Quiet moments with Percy were stupidly hard to come by, and just being next to him made her feel whole again. Even after the weeks they'd spent together, Annabeth hadn't fully recovered from the time she had spent with him missing. She wondered if she would ever fully recover from that, or if she was doomed to dream of him disappearing right before her eyes for the rest of her life.

And that had always been the fear, hadn't it? That he would leave like everyone else in her life had, before she had him? It was her fault they had taken so long to get together, the way she kept pulling away, expecting him to get tired and go. But he hadn't. He had stubbornly stuck around, even when she was mad at him and being mean to him and hadn't really been all that pleasant to be around.

And of course, there was the other thing. The prophecy that had ruled their lives since they were twelve, that Annabeth had read at too young an age, and that she had applied to him from the minute that trident flashed over his head. He wasn't even supposed to be here.

"What are you thinking about?"

Annabeth glanced over at Percy, who had apparently been looking at her for the past few minutes.

"You've got that scrunched up look on your face." He said. He at least had the decency to sound apologetic.

"My face doesn't get scrunched." Annabeth protested, though even as she said it she became aware of the tenseness in her forehead and between her eyes. She rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"It does, when you're thinking hard. Don't worry, it's very cute."

"You're biased." Annabeth said, turning herself so she could look at him straight on.

"Maybe so." Percy said, with a soft smile and a half shrug. It was very easy to forget, sometimes, that they were half gods, but Annabeth saw it in Percy just then. Something beyond human in his touch and his eyes. Something divine. She wasn't sure how she had ever thought it would be possible for him to die. Looking at him now, she would swear up and down he was an immortal.

"I was just thinking about last summer. And the one before that. And all the time we wasted." Annabeth admitted.

"In our defence, we were kind of dumb then." Percy said, hitting her with a trademark grin. Annabeth had to smile back, even as she rolled her eyes.

"Speak for yourself, Seaweed Brain."

"Okay, okay. I was an idiot, and you were as brilliant as ever." Percy amended. Annabeth appreciated his undue faith in her, but it wasn't entirely warranted.

"I wasn't brilliant. I was pragmatic, which is just another kind of stupid if you use it wrong." Annabeth sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Like," Annabeth started, not sure how to explain what she was thinking in a totally not-morbid way, "I guess I was just thinking about the prophecy the whole time. After the labyrinth especially, I just– I don't know. I was so scared of how it would all play out. I kept pushing you away because I thought it would be easier."

"You thought I was going to die." Percy said. He had a look of careful consideration on his face, free from judgement. He didn't let go of her hand.

"Yes." Annabeth said, feeling guilty as she did, "I mean, I should've known better. Prophecies never play out the way you think they will."

"The summer before. We ended things on weird terms." Percy remembered, "Is that because you thought the time was running out?"

Annabeth shuddered inadvertently. If it was up to her, she would never think about that summer again. It had easily been the worst of her life, maybe even now, and she had some really shitty summers to compare it to.

"It was partially that." Annabeth admitted, "Partially Luke. And... it was also sort of my prophecy. When you disappeared those two weeks and we– I thought you had died, I thought... I thought it was my fault. For bringing you on the quest."

Percy was frowning, like he wasn't quite following what she was saying.

"The last line. The one I didn't tell you about until after." Annabeth prompted.

And lose a love worse than death. Annabeth had been well aware of her crush on Percy at that point, but she hadn't fully, truly realized she was in love with him until she had thought he'd died for her prophecy. It was the absolute worst moment to have that clarity. Thankfully she had gotten a do-over of sorts, but it was hard to forget that kind of pain. That probably was why she had avoided him the rest of the summer, more than anything else, because she after she knew that she loved him the thought of losing him again, which had felt desperately inevitable at the time, was absolutely excruciating.

Percy's eyes widened in understanding.

"Oh. Oh. Oh gods, I was an idiot. I didn't even realize how much of an idiot I was for that." he said, "After you kissed me and everything. I just never put it together."

Annabeth couldn't help but laugh a little at the expression on his face.

"It's okay." she said.

"Did I ever apologize for that? I'm really sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. I tortured you enough after the fact."

"You did do that. I deserved it though. Gods." Percy said, rolling onto his back, looking up at the stars.

"Rachel didn't though." Annabeth said. She still felt a little twinge of guilt at how she'd treated Rachel the first few times they'd met. Looking back on it, it really didn't have much to do with Rachel at all; she had mostly been mad at herself, and Percy. Herself for not being brave enough to make a move, Percy for having a crush on a girl who wasn't her, after all they'd been through together. Not exactly fair feelings all around, but at least they'd been equally distributed. And she'd apologized to Rachel afterwards.

"No, probably not." Percy agreed.

"I was just mad, I guess. Luke was gone for good. Thalia had left, and I knew she had to, but it still hurt. And I thought I was going to lose you to her and then you were going to die, again, sort of, and it was all just kind of unbearable."

"I'm sorry. That you had to do that alone." Percy said, squeezing her hand, "I wish I had been better about it. I just didn't really know what to do."

"It's not your fault." Annabeth said. Then, after a moment of contemplation

"Though you could have at least acknowledged the kiss."

Percy groaned, covering his face with his free hand.

"I was so dumb. I still didn't know if you liked me after that. I thought you just wanted to forget about it."

"Well, after you didn't mention it, maybe." Annabeth said, a little teasingly. It was nice to just be able to sit here and talk about things. The past few months had been pretty hellish, but one thing they had done was put things in perspective. It was easy to laugh at their awkward 15-year-old selves' interactions now, while it might've still been uncomfortable a few months ago.

Of course, if Percy hadn't disappeared out of nowhere, they probably would've reached this point in their relationship organically, without all the trauma on the side. But if she thought about that for too long she would just get angry, and she didn't want to ruin the moment. It was a nice moment. The type of moment she wanted to have with him over and over again, until they both died of old age. For the first time that actually felt like an achievable goal.

"Can I get a do-over?" Percy asked, his trouble-maker smile back on his face. Annabeth grinned back.

"You can have as many do-overs as you want."

He leaned over and kissed her, soft and sweet, and frankly much better than the hurried, frantic one in the volcano had been.

"Annabeth Chase," he said as he pulled away, "I am acknowledging that that was an amazing kiss. I hope to have many more amazing kisses with you, for the rest of our lives."

Annabeth laughed and kissed him again, because she had the time, and they finally had the world to themselves again, and now that he had kissed her again, any time not spent kissing him felt like a waste.

"You're very good at that. Have I ever told you you're very good at that?" Percy said, when they finally broke apart again.

"Well, I had lots of practice before you." Annabeth said, unable to stop the sly smile from spreading across her lips.

"Like who?" Percy asked, indignantly. He was joking, but she could tell there was a note of genuine surprise there.

"Oh, lets see." Annabeth said, rolling back onto her back, fingers still laced through Percy's, "There was Zach, from elementary school. He wasn't very good, but practice is practice. And then Jake from that boarding school–"

"You kissed guys at your boarding school?"

"Oh sure. I was sad and you weren't around, I had to make do. I made out with Connor once, that was an experience."

"Our Connor? Connor Stoll?" Percy asked, unable to mask his surprise. Annabeth bit down a giggle.

"Yeah, on a dare. He wasn't so bad, really, but he could have used a little less ton–"

"Okay, okay, I get the point," Percy said hurriedly, and Annabeth finally let herself laugh.  

"Don't worry, you're better than all of them put together." Annabeth said, reaching around her own head and patting his with her spare hand.

"Are you sure you're not just saying that?" Percy asked.

"Mm. Might have to double check." Annabeth said, keeping her voice as serious as she could possibly make it.

"Oh yeah?" Percy said, and it was a dare to him now, which meant that teasing him so much had either been a bad idea, or a really really good one.

"Yeah." Annabeth said, and in a strange way she felt freer than she had before. Like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest.

Annabeth breathed in the salty sea air, revelling in the inhale. She might've started to cry if he hadn't kissed her then, but it was just as well. They had plenty of time.

#percabeth fic #percabeth oneshot #percabeth fluff #percabeth #this is probably my personal favorite one shot I've done tbh #very inspired by me re-reading BoTL and realizing how traumatizing that was for Annabeth and how they never really get to talk about it #PJO fic #missing scene #Percy Jackson #annabeth chase #hoo #hoo fic #percy x annabeth #annabeth x percy #they're just very in love what can i say #my fic

[bbhyeoliskooks]

❝𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞.❞

"ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴅᴏ ᴜꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ..."

Pairing: Soobin x Reader (gender-neutral)

Genre: 7 cups of angst and maybe 2 sprinkles of fluff :(((

Warnings: Major character death, tiny mention of blood, just pure sadness tbh (strongly influenced by the first few scenes of up)

Song: Married Life

Out of all the wonderful things to call you, it was simple enough for Choi Soobin, someone who he thought would never fall in love, to call you beautiful.

Beautiful, the same word that he loved to whisper to you under the blanket of stars that kept you company whenever the two of you would stargaze together. Beautiful, the same word he wanted you to know about yourself, even though you didn’t think the same of his opinion most of the time. Beautiful, the same word he’d soothe you with the time you took to dance to your favorite songs together at the time. Every moment with you was as beautiful as you had both created it, and it was as beautiful as the wedding rings that had taken their homes on your ring fingers.

He watched you grow old alongside the mirror with him, your faces changing in different ways together no matter how much young you felt at heart. And yet, you were beautiful to him not because you were married, but because you were his. Sometimes you teased each other about being old, but it was okay. Your hands wrinkled together, wrinkled in the best ways possible because you were spending the rest of your life with him. 

Nevertheless, even though you weren’t able to have children together, he promised that he would stay by your side for better or for worse. You, of course, promised the same things all the more knowing that time would inevitably pull the strings of your heart. But what other way was there to put it? The two of you were happy. Always happy as long as you had each other.

That was until you knew you didn’t have enough time left. Time wore you down and down every single day, but you didn’t pay much attention to it since Soobin was right by your side. It was more than good enough for you, but the universe’s clock seemed to have different ideas.

Now resting at the pure white bed, you turned on your side to meet the face of your lover who was shaking with despair. All of the questions he was thinking in his head- the worried ones, the desperate ones, the nostalgic ones- you knew it all, and you were eager to calm him down since it was no use.

“My love... didn’t you say that we would rest peacefully together? That we’d stay together forever?”

Your eyes flickered to his lips, the same ones that kept your heart beating, and you chuckled feeling the mumbling feeling in your chest. It was ironic now that your heart was slowing right when you needed it the most, blood becoming harder to pump through as if struggled doing the most simplest thing. It was supposed to be as easy as breathing, but even so the breath in your lungs faded with every rise of your desperate shoulders.

Dying in the hands of your lover was a fine way to walk into the doors of heaven, huh? Watching as Soobin’s face contorted with agony, you couldn’t agree more.

Again his hands wearily cupped your wrinkled face, the one that grew with his but still as beautiful as he always mentioned years ago. “I’m not ready to let you go yet. We still have to plant your favorite flowers together for another spring season! We just... we have so many things to do together, so you can’t leave me now...” His voice become nothing but a glimmer of dying at the end. 

You softly laughed at this, shaking your head although the action seemed to tear your body apart even more. “We’ve been married for more than 30 years, my love. How much more time do you need?”

“More,” he gasped, taking you into his burning arms, “You’re the reason I want to live, so please... just don’t go yet until we’re in the hospital together.”

Smiling, you embraced him back as hard as you could. Through the blood flowing through your veins, you hoped that it would be enough for him to know how much you loved him. 

“Thank you for making me happy, my love. You have no idea how much I’m still in love with you after all these years. I’m happy to have spent all my life with you- from the moment we met to the moment we call in the present such as now. It wouldn’t be right without loving and honoring you... It’s so cruel that life does this, but you’ll be alright won’t you?”

Icy droplets of tears fell against your warm cheek, and you shuddered pulling him closer. You promised that it would be okay, so all he had to do was spend the remaining years of his life happy, no matter how much you wouldn’t be able to see that itself was true.  

“Until death do us part,” you whispered, pressing your lips against his for the last time. You knew it well, but Soobin had hope. He had hope that you’d make it out of the hospital, but this time he was unfortunately wrong. Like a fool, he didn’t know it yet.

“Until death do us part,” he agreed before taking your hand in his and squeezing it as gently as he could. The bitter cold gold ring on your finger made him wince, and he hoped to warm it up with his hand. It never did, but he didn’t care. For this little moment, the two of you were smiling ardently once again.

Although time seemed to play tricks on you two, and yours grew limp, becoming nothing but a memory of life in his arms.

It was too late.

“Wait... Y/N?” The heart monitor was deafening in his ears, telling him that it- all of this was at the finishing part. 

His mind flashed him back to the time and he fell to the ground, the tugging in his chest from his heart becoming too much to bear. It was unbearable watching your eyes close, marking the end of another journey of his life. But it was enough. It was enough to see you smile, the reason being him, until death did just that. It took you away from him... but he at the very least smiled because it happened. And now, you were flying away from him, free from the chains of life that held you down from being your happiest.

So it was okay. The married life showcased did this, but it was okay for Soobin. You both made each other happy. 

("I, Choi Soobin, take you, Y/N, for my lawful __, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.")

Until death do us part. 

Released: May 15, 2021. (8:13pm)

Thoughts: girl lemme tell you it’s been a while that i’ve written, and i’m big sad??? i just wanted to write angst today and i hope it’s at least good enough to make you cry skjdsf but i doubt it~~ anyway !! hope you enjoyed this little thing and don’t cry too much like meee 😌 gosh i just love pain smth is wrong with me 😭

Tags:

#txt angst #txt fluff #txt reactions #txt imagines #txt scenario #txt oneshot #soobin angst #choi soobin fluff #soobin imagines #soobin scenarios #soobin oneshots