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#(i have been incapable of coherent thought for...a while now)

66sharkteeth · 17 hours

Note

just wanted to say that last week's FP episode was such a great gut punch for me, my jaw dropped. it was beautifully done; Bell's and Jericho's stories being told simultaneously was a super effective contrast. Bell's side of things feels like acceptance of the flaws of the present society and moving toward progress in changing it, while Jericho's side feels like total rejection of the flaws of the present society and moving backward from progress to destroy it instead. thus we remain stagnant in this shitty status quo, and Jericho recreates his trauma around his autonomy being taken from him by doing the same to Bell in a way. AND in the process my favorite character is killed. augh it hurts :'-)

i've been a long time reader since the first version was posted on DA and man it's just cool as hell to see how this story has evolved. i really admire and appreciate your dedication to it. i've always found CoB a very unique concept with a ton of potential and i'm so grateful and SO excited to get to see it through to the end after all these years. it continues to impress me more and more as it progresses. i have the webtoon app exclusively to read this lol. thank you for all your hard work creating it!

i got a handful of asks about this week's episode, but i'm gonna respond to this one for now bc it's been sitting here for almost a month since i got it while it was still on FP

first off, i'm glad this ep hit w/ so many people! i'm gonna share my own thoughts soon, maybe tomorrow rather than my usual friday "weekly thoughts." a little off topic and TMI, but i actually got the worst food poisoning of my life last week and I've kinda just been a pile of mush incapable of coherent thoughts since. Today's the most normal I've felt since that all hit tho, so hopefully by tomorrow I'm capable of structuring thoughtful posts again.

But anyway, thank you! I put so much more of my brain power into that ep than I normally do and I'm glad it paid off haha. I'll elaborate more in my weekly thoughts, but it means a lot that people are appreciating it.

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hollyhomburg · 2 months

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Before I leave you (Pt.67)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: You and Hobi bury a dead body (That's a lie, Yoongi buries it for you).

Tags: blood, gore, body horror, death, dead bodies, everyone is pretty beat-up in this, brief implied self-harm but it's very quickly squashed- seriously it's nowhere near as bad as past scenes but i do have to tag it, Dissociation, tae is in the freeze part of fight or flight. hurt/comfort, mental breakdowns, flashbacks, discussions of past abusive relationships, everything is very fluffy until it's not,

W/c: 12.5k

A/N: Are you guys ready for Hoseok's secret reveal??? I'm really excited!!! But also terrified because this whole series has lead up to this point!!! A good number of people have already guessed his secret so congrats on getting it early <3

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

Jimin sits on the stairs going down to the basement. His arm in a sling and bandaged up to the elbow. It aches with every small movement he makes as he peals a tangerine. He hasn't had any narcotics in a few hours and they're starting to wear off.

Jimin needs all of his brain power for this; For covering up the murder.

The fewer things running through his system the less sluggish and fuzzy his thoughts are. Jimin picks his poisons and fewer things make him less coherent than the panic and pain and near constant avalanche of thoughts. Tae, Tae's hurt, Tae's-

Tae's fine, Tae's upstairs with Y/n. he has to remind himself of these facts every few breaths. Tae's going to be okay because you wouldn't let anything happen to her.

There is evidence of that virtually everywhere; In the lines across your hands that Yoongi had dabbed at with a cool cloth, the swollen side of your jaw that he'd cradled. The blood drenching the opposite side of your face that he'd tenderly washed away. Not to mention the blood on the kitchen table, the floor, the ceiling. The blood splattered across your nest-

You don't fuck with an omega's nest; you don't fuck with their packmates.

Jimin quiets his brain with a steady breath as he looks down at Yoongi, Jin, and the body between the three of them wrapped in plastic.

He manages to peel the tangerine in his hand despite how uncooperative his left hand is. Numb at the fingertips just like it’s been since the surgery.

Namjoon had stroked his fingers and tested their give every chance he got, holding onto them and prodding while they waited in the hospital room and then again when Jimin got discharged. He said that they’d probably get better. Probably.

Tae's going to be fine because Namjoon is there too- had checked out her head with that soft alpha grumble croon of his. The most soothing sound in the world, and yet incapable of soothing this.

But Jimin knows nothing’s for certain, he might never get the feeling in his hand back. (This is Jimin's penance; The reminder of these tangled few weeks and how things went will be ever present. The reminder will be the first press of every touch with his non-dominant hand. He will never regain full feeling to the tips of his fingers. Never).

There are a few of noodle paw prints in the dust here, Jimin's ass is no doubt covered in it too from resting on the rickety stairs that lead into the half-finished basement. Little paw print marks that would make you coo and take pictures if you were down here.

But you’re not, you’re upstairs getting the evidence washed off of you.

No one's in that kind of mood right now anyway. No one’s been in that kind of mood for a few hours (or a few days, if he’s being honest, from Jungkook’s seizure, to getting shot, and then coming home to a dead body in their living room).

It’s been 4 hours since you killed someone in the kitchen. 3 hours since Jimin was discharged prematurely from the hospital and the rest of the pack was summoned home via a disturbingly calm call from Jin.

It’s been a tangle of moments even for the people not on hard drugs. Jimin feels like he's doing pretty good at answering the pack’s questions given the circumstances. You'd never know that, given Yoongi's eye roll and Jin's heavy sigh.

"Minnie- we're not asking you how you would have killed him just how you'd cover it up."

They used an old shower liner to wrap the body before they carried it downstairs. It makes a squeaky noise against Jin's rubber gloves (The pink elbow-high ones that he uses to do the dishes) as he pulls back the plastic sheet to reveal what's left of the assassin's head and face.

“I already told you, I don’t know his face- not even a little.” I’d have a pretty hard time identifying his face with the state she left it in regardless Is what he doesn't say.

Jimin tucks his chin, unsettled to look at the man's half-blown apart face for long. "I think he might be the spider but I don’t know. I never met him, only heard his name in passing.”

A small tattoo on the man's wrist reveals as much. A small spider tattoo that someone going to have to cut out and bury separately. Someone's going to have to get all of his teeth too- no identifying marks. None.

He’s a little too impressed with the state you’d left him in when he thinks about it. But once he’d seen your face and Hobi’s neck, not an inch of Jimin had felt the kill wasn’t justified. The whole pack feels that way, he knows they must even though they don't say it. Everyone's a little bit in shock right now.

Even Namjoon hadn’t even given the body a second glance when the pack had tumbled into the house. The pack alpha had simply alternated his fussing from you to Hobi to tae and then Jin. Torn between who needed him first. It was the first words Jimin had heard you speak. Your wet gasp, blood that wasn't yours flashing on your teeth. "Joonie- Hobi needs you."

Namjoon had calmed only once he realized that most of the blood on the three of you was the man’s. Yoongi had a similar reaction and so had Jimin, clutching at Tae. Angry at his arm for its uncooperativeness. About ready to tug off his sling and his bandages and stitches if it meant holding tae easier. He'd even tried it, only to be on the receiving end of a disapproving pack alpha growel too.

“Jimin you can’t; your stitches.”

“Fuck my stitches hyung.”

Numb fingers meet numb faces.

He's a bit ashamed of it, but when he first looked up from Tae to you- where you sat crumpled in Yoongi's hold. Your mate laying down a volley of sweet nothings to you to get you to stop shaking. There was only one sentence running through his head.

That’s my girl.

He'd reached over and squeezed your hand, blood and all. That blood has dried now. Soaked into the lines of his palm. Coloring his fate and love lines all rusty while he eats the tangerine. He should probably wash his hands. All of them probably need too.

Jungkook had been the only one willing to speak, closing the door softly behind him, locking it and treading softly closer. Careful to sidestep both the pools of blood and the piece of a skull sitting next to the couch. He looked down at the 7 of you with a surprisingly calm expression on his face.

"Can't we have one normal fucking day?"

Jungkook was the one who’d gone to the kitchen and gotten one of the hand towels to clean your face. His lips tightened to a line when he wiped away the blood and started to see the bruising, the cut across your temple dripping fresh. Lower lip wobbling ever so slightly.

“Kookie-”

Jungkook had turned to Jin and Namjoon, “I don’t want to deal with the body hyung." His hands were already under your arms, lifting you up, helpless. "Help me get them upstairs. We need to-” he’d let out a frustrated noise. Instincts coming to the full front- instincts he rarely feels.

Who knew blood would incur Jungkook's grooming instincts?

The last time Jimin saw Jungkook; He was helping Namjoon and Yoongi herd the three of you upstairs for a much-needed shower. Hobi hadn't been able to do it under his own power. Namjoon had to carry him.

Hobi; who's choked on every word he's tried to speak. Whose eyes are still red from all the burst blood vessels. Who easily got the closest to dying out of the four of you.

Everyone shakes when they touch Hobi and everyone touches him softly. Namjoon just about snaps his teeth at anyone who tries to get close. His hands turning red from the cold of an ice pack wrapped gently around the alpha's throat.

Jimin knows Jungkook's a lot more unnerved than he lets on, shuffling from foot to foot as he bound Tae up with a towel, taking her delicately from Jimin's arms. Carrying her in the same way Namjoon carried Hobi.

Yoongi was all soft helping you upstairs. Speaking in that quiet voice that he saves for Sunday mornings and stolen moments of quiet. Every moment, all of this is stolen.

And now- the beta is down here, leaning over the body and looking at it like it will tell him something that you won't. After your initial demand that Namjoon he tend to Hobi; you haven't spoken a word. Neither has Tae. Jin's done all of the talking.

There isn’t much to say.

Jimin feels the numbness in his hands and looks at Jin. He hasn't apologized for the bullet yet. But the more time that passes the less Jimin wants an apology. Mating marks come in many forms. Jimin has a scar on his body from one of his omega's- so really? What does he have to be upset about?

The whole house needs to be deep cleaned, and then deep cleaned again. There's blood everywhere; on the couch, the ceiling, the curtains. It's a lot to clean. It's going to be a lot to hide.

That's the only reason why Jimin's not upstairs helping you and Tae clean up right now; the body is unfortunately the biggest threat to the pack's safety at the moment.

There’s a bloodstain on the stairs too, a droplet next to where Jimin sits. he makes a mental note of it but doesn't move to wipe it up. He puts a tangerine slice on his tongue and chews before he answers Yoongi’s next question.

“I don’t know how to dispose of a body, I never dealt with this part. My only job was to kill, not take care of them after. I know there’s a way that you can do it with soap.”

Jin snorts, “You only know that from breaking bad-“

Jimin’s a little miffed, “We already have a plastic tub upstairs-”

“Lye,” Yoongi corrects, looking down at the body before he stoops to retape the plastic over the man's face. It was a bitch to wrap him up, the body stiff and heavy from rigor Mortis. The blood beneath it bubbles and darkens, coagulating. Yoongi's long hair falls over his face and he tucks it behind his ear.

“We could use the soap, but it might take a few days.” Jin clarifies.

“Do you think we can wait that long?”

“Absolutely not,” Jin’s got a similar ice pack to his wrists, the skin there bruised and red and swelling where he fought to get free from the handcuffs, where he eventually ripped down the banisters and broke through them with brute strength and panic.

You’d found the keys on the man’s body soon after and released him from the handcuffs, they're wrapped up in the plastic along with the frying pan, the gun that killed him, and a few other items from the living room that were just too bloodstained, every big piece of evidence will lie right beside him where he rests.

Jimin eats another slice of the tangerine, and Jin shrivels his nose at it. “Isn’t that a little gross?”

Yoongi mirrors his disgust. “Yeah Minnie, weren’t those covered in blood?”

But Jimin just shrugs, “I washed it and peeled it hyung” And keeps eating. After a few days of hospital food, the tangerines taste divine.

Yoongi stands from where he’s kneeling on his knees with a faint crack. “One part kitty litter, two parts concrete should keep out the smell,” Jin says, eyeing the 6 by-six-foot hole in the basement's foundation, already there from the plumbing that needed replacing.

Most of Yoongi's tools are down here too. His scrap pile of wood and the dozen bags of concrete. His hack saw and his circular saw that none of them are looking at. Yoongi had only just fit in the plumbing a few weeks ago. He'd been about to re-pour the foundation anyway.

“I’d rather not have a body buried in our house.”

Yoongi touches Jin’s wrist, so feather-light, removing the ice pack to check the swelling to see if it’s gone down. Jin's left hand is just as useless as Jimin's, the knuckles bruised and ballooned.

“It’s just for a few weeks, we can deal with this once it’s all calmed down, but we absolutely can’t go try and bury it. Who knows what the neighbors heard?”

They're all silent at that, silent at the idea that these few hours might be the last few that the pack spends free.

But over the next few hours, there are no blue and red flashing lights outside or concerned neighbors that come knocking. Your one saving grace is that this all happened during the middle of the day and all of your nearest neighbors have nine to five's. Is it so simple to hope that everyone was just at work? That no one heard the gunshots over the nearby roar of the passing train?

(Maybe they're just too used to the pack next door; the one that has the noisy ruts and noisy noisy packmates. The one whose alphas have a habit of opening the windows in the back room and let the sound of their roughhousing and video games flood the street. The ones who have extra loud movie nights. They're just a bunch of kids, how harmful could they really be? At least the pack alpha and omega look respectable.)

It's a good thing that no one comes; because Namjoon has more important problems, more important things to handle beyond the body in the basement or the police at the door.

Namjoon’s hands cradle Hobi’s neck. He wheeze as he tries to speak, his mouth falling open. He's mostly clean, but a rusty trickle of water from his hair trails down his shoulders.

Jungkook tugged him into the shower first and gave him a rough clean before handing him back to Namjoon. They sit on a towel together on the edge of the nest. they only moved him in here to give him some privacy- to distract him because Hobi kept reaching for you. you'd kept reaching back, tae was already in the shower under the stream.

"Pup- your hands- you're going to hurt yourself."

The Nestroom is dark and quiet. Every single blind in the house is draw. Only the christmas lights illuminate Hobi's injuries. Namjoon will tend to Tae and then you after he's checked out Hobi's injuries. will send him downstairs with Jin for some cold water to soothe his throat once he's done. once he's been cleaned again probably.

Hobi was covered with the most blood, having been just under the man when Tae had blown his throat apart while you- Namjoon doesn't want to think of it, doesn't want to see it.

(Namjoon thinks of every moment, sees them behind every blink. Blink and he sees you sitting in his lap over breakfast squirming happily. Blink and you're kneeling in a bloody puddle looking up at him.

Blink and you're curled up in the nest wearing the first pajama pants he'd given you. Blink and he's watching Jungkook dab at your bloody cheek, blink and you're turning into his hand to nuzzle as he wakes you for sunday morning breakfast. Blink and there’s sunlight spilling across your face and blood slipping down your chin. Namjoon's smallest and most sensitive pup not so innocent anymore.)

Namjoon touches Hobi's throat with no small amount of reverence. it cools the anger in his throat. Namjoon's anger has no good place to go.

When Hobi closes his eyes, he sees it too; the explosion of the bullet and the splat of blood pouring down his face. The shower earlier felt so similar- he almost couldn't handle it. He had to concentrate on Jungkook's voice narrating everything.

"Here Hobi, I'm gonna use some soap now. I like Tae's body wash. You know she always just picks whatever bottles are pinkest because she wants all her toiletries to match. It smells good, doesn't it? Can you take a deep breath for me? Through your nose?"

Endless meaningless Jibber jabber to distract all of them.

Now he shivers and shakes in Namjoon's hold. One part terror and one part near frostbite. Namjoon turns the heat up but Hobi still shakes as Namjoon checks his throat. "Open for me baby- that's a good boy."

He flashes a light down there, listening with his stethoscope. The cold metal end of it presses against his collarbones and the bruises too. Finger-shaped that lace over his jugular like a collar. Over Hobi's heart. Every thump ba-thump ba-thump music to Namjoon's ears.

Namjoon’s growl is soothing as he scoots closer to gather the injured alpha close to his chest. Shushing Hobi as he tries to speak for the dozenth time in the last hour. “Don’t try it, careful- I don’t think he did any lasting damage but-”

Namjoon breaks and his forehead drops to Hoseok’s shoulder, fingers rub out soothing circles on Hobi's wrist even as he starts to cry. Namjoon already stitched up the deep puncture wound there. He had to hold his wrist still as he dabbed the stingy antiseptic, the impulse to pull it away too great. The wound wasn't from a bullet but from the piece of the door that embedded itself in Hobi’s wrist. Blown apart the way he could have been.

Namjoon was so close to losing everything, to losing them.

The bruises, Hobi’s eyes, and his little raspy breaths. Everything both punishment and payment for every violent thing Namjoon wants to do. He feels powerless to do more than hold the smaller alpha right now. The strength in his arms doing little to protect Hobi from the hurts he's already nursing. Hoseok leans his head on Namjoon's shoulder and Just lets the alpha hold him.

If he’d come home to the four of you dead what would he have done? more accurately- What wouldn’t he have done?

Namjoon imagines it- the same way he's imagined it thousands of times. Tae's blood on her lips as pretty as any lip stain. Jin on the floor, his little big love wrapped up in permanent stillness like a mating shroud. Your body turned small and quiet the way you'd been when he'd met you- only so much worse. Hobi with his heart slow and absent of his near-constant music. Bodies stiff as statues, turned alters meant to worship both grief and love.

He’d probably have demanded Jimin and Yoongi tell him everything they knew. And then he’d have gone hunting.

Namjoon lets out a shaky breath and pulls away from Hoseok only to continue dabbing at his wounds. The violence of his alpha's instincts calmed by the sanctity of this- of making it better. of being gentle even when namjoon wants to be anything but.

Hoseok’s mute. Throat too swollen to make more than a soft hissing sound on command. Vocal cords not damaged just swollen. Leaving his brain to hurdle through the last few hours. Eyes closed but his mind wide open.

He sees it all behind his eyes; your hand descending with the frying pan, the explosion of wood near his head. The splat of hot blood against the wood floor. Gasping and getting blood in his mouth accidentally. Choking in it- drowning a little. Everything. The sting of smoke on his eyes. Your words ring in his ears like the final notes of a symphony.

“You can take me. I’ll go with you. Willingly. That’s what she wants isn’t it?”

Hoseok’s brain teases through what you might have meant with that. The unnamed she that you mention. Who, why, and what aren’t you telling them? Is it the woman that Yoongi talked to you about before?

He's unable to say anything to Namjoon even as the alpha softy cradles his damaged throat. Unable to even whisper it out through the swelling that threatens to cut off Hobi's airway. It feels like he's breathing through a straw. Namjoon says he's not going to choke, that it only feels that way. The panic is hard to let go of.

But who do you have to go back to there? You've never talked about the family like you wanted them, like they were your pack. Who have you run from? What monsters are here to haunt you? Who is after you? Or is it something darker- more sinister?

Maybe Hoseok's heart has never truly healed from Yoongi leaving them. Maybe a wounded heart remembers. Yoongi always had them to go back to that Hoseok had never questioned. But he's never wondered about you or stopped to consider that maybe, Yoongi's not the only one who left something.

The family doesn't exactly seem like something you can walk away from unscathed. Yoongi managed it, but Jimin didn't.

Hoseok should warn Namjoon, should tell someone but- it's impossible. His airway protesting with an agonizing twinge with every attempt he makes at speaking. He wonders if this is what being nonverbal felt like for you.

The pain pulses dully without adrenaline to dilute it as Namjoon so lovingly examines the marks, again and again. But he shouldn't be spending so much time. You and Tae are bruised and battered too- even if Hoseok’s are by far the worst; you need tending to.

Jin’s hands. Your face. Tae’s head. Hoseok’s throat. Each of you has lost the thing most necessary to your survival.

Hoseok thinks of the body, not the one that sits downstairs, but the one that you found months ago in the ocean. Maybe this wasn’t a coincidence. Maybe none of this was. How far back do the coincidences go? Between Jin and Yoongi who wouldn't have a relationship to stand on without Yoongi's family- how many other things in the pack are because of this?

Hoseok struggles to speak, to talk to Namjoon about what you'd almost done, what you'd almost bartered- but nothing but air comes out, and the pack alpha shushes him. His hands grip Namjoon's shoulders hard.

Namjoon wishes he had more than just numbing cream and sutures for Hobi’s hurts. Jimin’s already offered up some of his opioids for Hobi to sleep and as much as Namjoon hates the idea of anyone swapping medication- Hobi might actually need them.

Jimin’s doctor had been a little bit liberal with them, sure that his 6 on the pain scale had to be at least a 9. He could spare one or two. The truth is that nothing hurts more than this- seeing the people that you love in pain. Jimin and Namjoon save their 10s for days like this.

With the blood cooling, Namjoon’s anger has nowhere to go. The body in the basement has already gone cold.

In the quiet of the house they can audibly hear Seokjin and Yoongi start mixing the concrete. The dull scrape of a shovel against a bucket and the sound of a faucet dripping.

Namjoon wipes at Hobi’s throat, and Hoseok tries again- futile in his efforts to speak. Namjoon shushes him.

In the basement it goes; drip, scrape, drip.

~-~

Jungkook holds Tae up underneath the warm spray of water. The glass is foggy in places and clear and others, occasional spots of red water joining the constellation of them. She rests against Jungkook's chest, her body is prone and almost lifeless. Eyes vacant and glassy.

So shaky and tired as her body rockets down from its adrenaline high. A drop so abrupt that she could hardly hold herself up. A drop so terrifying that Jungkook must do it for her.

He doesn't mind, none of him minds as he cradles the back of her head oh so gently. Tae flinches, whether from pain or the sudden movement. Jungkook meets Jimin's eyes through the foggy glass and then yours. Biting his lower lip before Jimin nods and tells him to keep going.

Evidence is evidence. Washing off can’t wait.

Jimin has joined you upstairs with the body already packed away and on its way to being buried under the foundation of the house. Jimin watches on from outside the shower as he instructs Jungkook in a quiet voice on how to clean Tae of evidence properly. He's been quiet since then. Staring at them while Tae stares blankly back.

You watch them from where you sit. Mostly you just watch Tae. When Namjoon's body doesn’t block your view. He stitches the gash on your forehead, hands pulling the sutures closed in a gentle and practiced way. The pass of the needle through your skin a distant sensation.

The wounds on your hands are in that awkward place of not being deep enough for stitches but still a little too deep to not need something. After a brief debate, Namjoon sealed them with a bit of non-surgical glue that stung terribly and then regular gauze over the top.

Your hands are swelling and clotting. Scabbing although trying to touch anything is too painful. Closing your fingers at all hurts. Namjoon holds you so lightly it hardly feels like he's holding you at all.

Namjoon apologizes after every wince.

The second he’s done he tosses his suture kit into the bathroom sink with a clang the second he’s done. Namjoon gets on his knees before you. The plastic that covers the whole bathroom crackling as he does.

Jimin had the great idea to cover the bathroom with sheets of plastic to cut down on the cleanup. Hoseok's bloody footprints join Tae's trailing from the doorway to the shower. Join the trail that you left. Parts of you are still dripping.

"It's going to scar," Namjoon says, a little sadly. Thumb skimming over the mark on your forehead.

You swallow hard. You still taste blood. You want to brush your teeth; you want to shut the lights off and go to sleep. You want Noodle and you want Yoongi you want everything from the past few hours- the past few years to be gone and over with. You want-

You want to snap at him and tell him that it doesn't matter that it will scar. That you're covered with scars already and you don't care but-

Namjoon kisses your forehead. A lingering brush. The one spot that's not bloody.

You look over at Tae and her eyes flicker blankly to you. Jungkook keeps bringing the boar bristle brush up and down her back in soothing little circles.

When you turn back to Namjoon he's pursing his lips and blinking away tears as he looks down at your hands. You resist the urge to say you’re sorry. You’re not sure what for. The terrible feral hunger in you gone as quick as it's come.

Namjoon’s fingers wrap around the hollow of your knees, and you meet his eyes, even though you don’t want to. It feels too much like a confession already.

“I’m going to say this now, before you get any ideas; This is not your fault and I am not mad at you and Tae for doing what you did-”

“Namjoon-”

He continues on, words rushing out. “I’m proud of you pup, so proud. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here. I promise I won’t disappoint you again as pack alpha-” You cover his mouth with your hand, gauze and all.

The bit of gauze over your palm is already turning bloody. It's hard to tell if it's your blood or if it's his. You’re the last one to shower. The last one to get clean. Namjoon shouldn’t be touching you at all.

And yet he does, yet he cradles your face, brushes the tears from your cheeks, gets blood on his hands. Evidence is evidence, but love has a steeper sort of price if you don't express it when you can.

When you take your hand away, Namjoon doesn’t try to speak again. someone says something that you don't hear, that you can't hear.

Namjoon stands and when you look up, Jungkook has the shower door open for you.

Because the bandages and the glue on your hands can’t get wet Namjoon binds your hands with Ziplock bags and duct tape. The plastic rustles, and you follow Hobi's bloody footprints into Jungkook’s arms. Namjoon closes the door behind you.

Every bit of plastic is going to get melted down later, until all the blood and terror evaporates through something as simple and trivial as fire. Fire will cleanse it of all evidence, as sure as the burning water you step under.

You're not quite sure what you're going to do about the bullet holes in the walls or the blown-apart door to the upstairs bedroom, but Yoongi’s always had a handle on the home improvement stuff.

Jungkook helps you disrobe off your bloodied clothing. Lifting your shirt over your head and stooping, telling you to hold onto his shoulders so that he can take off your sweatpants. You're pretty sure they're Yoongi's but there's no time to get sentimental as he puts them inside a garbage bag along with Tae's and Hobi's clothes.

Everything on your person is evidence. When you look back Namjoon's gone, summoned by Jin's distant call from downstairs. It's just Jimin outside of the shower. watching you, but mostly watching Tae.

You’d be more self-conscious of your nude body if your brain wasn’t still racing. It’s hard to do much with the bags on your hands. But Jungkook squirts out a healthy dollop of your favorite shampoo and gets to work once the conditioner is in Tae’s hair. She sits like a discarded ball-jointed doll on the built-in bench. Her long hair hair stuck like a sheet over her eyes.

Nothing is as important as making sure you’re not found out. And the frothy shampoo turns rusty around Jungkook's fingers. You have to have a lot of blood on your face. All the water that rolls off of you goes pink.

Jungkook is gentle even by your hairline scratching against your scalp with his fingers. The skin there is tender. Namjoon taped a bit of gauze over the sutures too. You don't remember when he did that.

You make a noise. “Too rough?” his voice has something unreadable in it, something soft and concerned.

You don't respond because Yoongi makes his reappearance at the doorway. The black shirt he wears is dusty at the front from the concrete. His eyes single focused on you the second he enters the room. You stare at him the way that Tae stares at Jimin. Jungkook just huffs and pulls you a little more snugly against his chest.

Tae stands in the corner of the shower, still staring at Minnie. Minnie who stares back, practically not blinking. Both of their anguish are hidden behind glass. Like fish in tanks that could never get out. Not really.

Part of Tae gets washed away down the drain. Swirling and gurgling down and down with no one to notice.

Tae stares off blankly into space. Sometimes Jimin talks to her and sometimes he hums through the glass, he'd be in there too if his bandages couldn't get wet either. If Namjoon hadn’t yanked him back from the doorway and told him that he couldn't.

Jungkook takes the boar bristle brush to your body too. Everything has to be scrubbed multiple times until your skin feels nearly raw from it. Tae’s fingernails, her arms, your neck, the side of your face, the hollow at the inside of your arms. Your knees. Everywhere.

He apologizes when he goes over bruises, wincing, clutching you a little tighter, a little closer to make up for the pain. But Jungkook is meticulous as he cleans of evidence until you feel groomed clean. Until there’s no more blood swirling down the drain just clear water, and the light outside has turned pearly and blue in the twilight.

Tae's still silent. She's been quiet beyond the occasional heartbreaking whimper since you both killed that man. Eventually, You push at Jungkook's hands with a pointed look in her direction where she's slumped and he goes with a soft nod. Two omega's taking care of their alphas.

Jungkook’s delicate with Tae’s head, gentle in the way he cradles the bruising, half hidden by her hair. Washing out the conditioner with a quiet hum. Namjoon had diagnosed her with a concussion pretty quickly, it's not a crack in her skull plate but she's not going to go putting her hair up in a bun any time soon.

Jungkook alternates from you to Tae. One moment you're standing, the next Jungkook is taking you up gently from the floor and Yoongi is at the glass, hand on the door- looking at you anxiously. Letting out a volley of cursing. You can't remember the last time you heard him use language like that.

"Hyung she's fine- she's just slippery, I've got her."

Their voices are so soft and grave and so quiet. Or is it just that you can’t hear it? Why are their voices so far away and muffled? Sometimes Yoongi is here and sometimes he isn't. Sometimes Jungkook is holding you, talking to Namjoon about something, and other times he and Yoongi are talking. Keeping their voices low. Your ears ring. It's so loud it deafening.

“Do you need me to take over?” Yoongi asks Jungkook. Jungkook has blood on his feet, from you or Tae you’re not sure, it soaks the hair there. Jungkook’s got hairy fucking feet for an omega- you’re not sure why you’re concentrating on it. Why you’re noticing all these things now. Cataloging little things about them like you might never get the chance to notice them again.

Your heart beats quick, fear still consuming you even though the danger has passed. You look down at the tiled floor and the room spins.

You don’t feel a thing when you close your eyes. You don’t feel anything when you think of the man that you just killed. You don’t feel anything but roaring, like the crashing of the ocean or the sound when you lift your ear to a shell. The hearing in your left ear where the gun went off feels…off, muffled. You put your hand up to toy with it and freeze when you realize it isn't right.

"Guys" You paw at your ear. But they don't seem to hear you.

"No, I've got them.”

“We need to clean up the downstairs. Kookie, where do you keep the oxyclean?”

"Guys"

They still don't hear you. Maybe you're not making a sound at all just mouthing the words. Your movement gets Tae's attention and her eyes focus for the first time in hours. Slumped on the bench, her hand grips the tiled edge hard as she tries to stand but can't. Jungkook hands Yoongi something through the steam, the black trash bag full of bloody clothes.

The notice Tae trying to get to you first. she hits the floor with a small thud and tugs her way over to you. You make a noise in your throat- a distressed chirp that makes the alphas flinch. Tae cups your cheek as you dig your finger in, slippery from the plastic- and pull something small and fleshy out of your ear.

It's soft and squishy. A curved piece of pink and white brain matter. A little bloody but bleached from the water.

You try to stand to your feet but teeter, shaking, staring down at the chunk of person that you just got out of you, that was just in you.

For a second, no one says anything, but then-

“That’s so fucking gnarly.” Your head jerks up in Jungkook’s direction.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Tae actually does look a little green, but it's good to hear her voice at the very least. She hauls herself over to the drain and starts to dry heave.

"Oh tae don't-" the sound of vomit hitting the floor joins the sound of the shower. You don't look at her. just at the lump of person in your hand.

"Someone please take it from me," Jimin is already there opening the glass door and holding out a cloth for you to place it in.

Yoongi presses his hands to the glass as he watches you struggle to grab the brush that Jungkook was using on you from the floor after finally getting your feet under you. Jungkook is torn, his hand on Tae's shoulder as she wretches turning from her to you like he doesn't know what to do or who to help first.

You don't care about the state of your hands you just need to get clean. You Ignore the twinge of pain in your hands as you try and get the bottle of body wash open. Ripping off the plastic bags that cover your hands when you can't unclick the cap immediately. frustrated and panicking. You ignore Jimin calling your name. The gauze falls to the floor with a wet thwack and you take the boar bristle brush to your hands. Cuts and all.

Big hands stop you. Hands that dwarf yours. Hands that you'd know blind.

Yoongi's standing under the spray fully clothed, the water pinning down his hair and quickly soaking him. His hands tangling with yours, taking the brush from you. Wordless as he grabs your wrists and jerks you forward hard.

He holds on until you stop shaking. resting against his chest. guiding your face to his scent gland. "Take a deep breath for me now sweetheart- there you go- just like that."

Jungkook doesn't say anything and neither does Jimin, not as Yoongi starts to wash you again. Jungkook just stoops to lift Tae and place her back on the bench. She goes easy, limp, and doll-like. But she's almost done- she's almost clean. Tae pushes at Jungkook’s shoulders.

"I’m fine. I need to wait for the nausea to pass before I try getting out of here.”

With you, it's going to take a little longer.

Jungkook has already shampooed your hair, but he does it again. The telltale signs of rusty red in the peach-scented shampoo. Bubbling orange-pink. Yoongi does it slower, gentler- it feels more normal. Like the slow loving you're used to.

“Do you ever feel like-” your voice is a little crackly from all the screaming you did earlier. You hate how the terror makes you not remember all the details. Did you make any sound while you killed him? Did you say anything through the rage?

The others are looking at you but you have eyes for just Jimin. his hand tightens to fists, knuckles pressed against the glass. eyes darkening ever so slightly. “Do you ever not feel guilty? About killing people Minnie?”

You are nude, as bare as you’ve ever been before him, it's hard to be self-conscious about it. Maybe this would be a little sexier- showering with Tae and Jungkook and Yoongi with an audience if you weren't literally trying to cover up a very violent murder.

You remember the words Jimin had said to you weeks ago now. “Would you kill for me?” “I’d do worse” you wonder if this qualifies as worse. You can’t imagine what would be much worse than this.

Jungkook's hands are rough as they massage a bit of soap down your back but instead of being comforting, it feels like you’re going to vibrate out of your skin.

Jimin hums. Eyeing Tae still sprawled on the built-in bench. Jimin gathers his thoughts before he speaks. “In my contract, at the beginning-” He starts but cuts off as you start to slip. Jungkook's hands find you, helping Yoongi hold you up more properly. Your mate doesn't let Jungkook take you entirely just moves a bit to the side to give him space. Any other day you'd love to be in the middle of a yoonkook sandwich but-

“Your contract?” he nods, blond hair bobbing. Yoongi meticulously removes the dried blood from under your fingernails, careful to hold your glue sutures out of the direct spray.

“I specified that I’d only ever kill bad people. of course I got a little lazier after I got used to it." He shoots an anxious glance in Tae's direction, but she's still just sitting. "But at the beginning, I’d go back and look through their files to try to find out what they’d done to warrant a hit getting taken out on them. I couldn’t always find a reason but most of the time I did."

You can see it in his face, that Jimin doesn't want to say that they deserved it. Because if they deserved a violent ending then you could say the same about the 8 of you. Jungkook's hands get a little close to the nape of your neck and you turn to him and snap.

"Don't scruff me."

"Sorry." You need it. Is what he doesn't say.

“Most of the time it was worth it?” You cling to his words. With Geumjae you’d never had to guess if he deserved it or not but this-

Jimin’s eyebrows are brought into a hard line, “Karma is a fickle thing. Sometimes it never comes but-” his eyes are downcast, "Sometimes it's a good thing, being the karma."

You sit quietly, digesting his words. Your lower lip trembles, and you don’t know if you feel terrible or better when the tears just won’t come. Yoongi delicately cradles your body, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and pulling you back against his chest.

“Yoongi.”

“Let me hold you for a minute.” You do, body sagging under the weight of your exhaustion.

Tae teeters in Jungkook’s hold, but she pushes against his hands weakly when he tries to make her stand again. Her voice sounds warbly and fragile when she shakes her head. “I’m still dizzy.”

He tries to guide her gently back to the bench, but she doesn't make it that far. Pushing away his hands when she descends to the marble floor. Closer to the wall, Closer to Minnie who mirrors her, falling to the floor too. Getting as closer to her as he can without being in the shower.

Jimin lets out a sad and bitter-sounding laugh and Tae smiles in reply while Jungkook and Yoongi share an anxious glance over your head.

He's still grinning, words twisting, eyes shining with sorrow and fondness. “You couldn’t wait 24 hours until you had to make it even, didn’t you?”

Tae closes her eyes as her smile twists and she starts to cry “Where you go, I go. We’re the same now Minnie.” Jimin doesn't mean to ask what she means. He knows.

If you're a killer I'm a killer. If you're damned, I'm damned. Even though neither of them believes in God or heaven or damnation. Not really. Not anymore. It's very half-hearted.

(I don't know if it's worth wondering if the people you love are bad people, I think when worse comes to worse, you just put the heaviness down and keep on loving them anyway).

Jimin’s eyes are soft on her, the way that they only ever are with Tae. He places his hand on the glass fogging around his fingertips. She doesn’t match his hands, just leans her cheek against it. Love is only a thin layer of glass away.

You know it hurts her a little bit, must make the dysphoria a little harder to breathe through, to let Jimin and Jungkook see her like this; just the long hair and nothing delicate to cloth her soul in. A soul that now you’ve irreparably tarnished.

A soul that is damaged beyond repair now thanks to you.

It is your fault. All of this is because of you. all of this pain and anguish and damage is because of the choices you've made. the stupid idiotic childish choices. If you'd never needed it- if you'd just been strong enough- Tae could have been whole. Tae could have been unharmed. Hobi and Jin too- if you’d just-

Back at the hospital, Tae had so many questions about Jimin’s job, so many questions about when and where, and why. But she finds her head empty of them in the aftermath. She has no desire to learn anything else about Jimin’s job. Not now that she knows what killing feels like.

Tae is never going to be able to look at red nail polish the same way again.

Jungkook reaches over and turns off the water.

~-~

Eventually, you finish washing. Wrapped up in fluffy white towels that will have to be burned too. The house smells like bleach and gunpowder. It covers everything.

Even the noodle is looking a little more grubby than usual when he zips by, meowing for someone to give him attention. You hear the saw going and you know that Yoongi is cutting the bullet holes out of the walls while the others clean up the blood.

Your skin feels pink and sensitive were the towel brushes as you go looking for pajamas, you'll get some for the others too. Later, Jin will fuss and ask to put some cream on you. Will massage it in something of an apology and pretend that Yoongi isn't going over the whole house with a blacklight to spot any errant blood splatters.

Later Yoongi will take a wood scraper to the floorboards where the man died, will rip them up, and burn them in the house's ancient fireplace just to be sure that no one finds any evidence.

You'll all pretend that Tae doesn't shake through a panic attack when you have an informal dinner in the nest. jin's rule of "no food in the nest" broken for this. You'll all pretend that Hoseok won't choke choking on all but the smallest sips of water. You'll all pretend. You're good pretenders, good liars too.

Later, Jin will put cream on your skin and dot it all with kisses, the swelling in his hands won't take too long to go down. You'll get the love and You won’t deserve a single second of it.

You don't know how you fooled yourself into thinking you ever deserved it. The last 8 months have been stolen. Not earned.

The one-year anniversary of Geumjae's death comes and passes as you go to the top of the stairs in your towel, Ears straining to hear what's going on downstairs.

There is a lot of talking going on downstairs, between Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jin. About what to do, and how to handle this. Hushed voices kept mostly out of earshot. And other more dangerous questions get asked, with equally as dangerous answers.

One of Jimin's guns sits on the kitchen counter through all of it. No one moves to put it away. They're not sure when they're next going to need it and they'd rather not get caught off guard again.

“I could talk to some people- call them. Some people owe me favors, There has to be some section of the family that doesn’t want her too-“

"Absolutely Not, I am not having you get into some weird ass mafia debt"

"Yeah, jailcell orange is so not your color hyung"

“We stay quiet. For the next 48 hours- it’s likely no one will know what happened. They’re too hurt- we need some time to regroup and think.”

Hobi’s voice is absent from the fray. You hear something quite like he's trying to speak, and someone shushing him softly. Namjoon says that his swelling won’t go down enough to talk until tomorrow. You hear the sound of someone opening the refrigerator to get ice.

The door to the bedroom has been blown apart, and a flurry of bullet holes chewed through the top corner. It sits off its hinges and in two pieces.

You remember watching Yoongi paint the door, sitting at the bottom of the stairs while he worked at the top of it and painted it to match the wallpaper in the staircase, a dark cobalt blue. You remember all of it, every little thing you watched him do to make this house into something worthwhile. To make it into a home and now it's riddled with bullet holes and stained with blood.

It's funny, you hardly remember every little thing he did for you, to make you worthwhile.

You have always been a reminder that you don't make houses out of abandoned buildings, and mates out of monsters that bite.

The water has turned the cuts on your hands white and gummy when you look down at them in the closet room. They’re already oozing, not bleeding, it will be at least a day or two until you can touch anything without discomfort. Namjoon will scold you ever so gently later and re-do your bandages.

The pink curtains are drawn already to keep out any wandering eyes from the outside. This is a dressing room after all. The whole room feels like a blush-toned jewel box and you, the one piece of cheap costume jewelry at the center.

You get up and shut the door before you sit on a small poof- something silky and tufted that Jimin had gotten Tae right after she'd come out.

You sit in your towel and look down at your wounds. Thinking about Tae's concussion. Jin's wrists. Hobi's throat. Both of their blank looks and the violence of death and trying to live. You think it all through, every possible ending to this before you pick up your phone and dial Her number.

Moonbyul picks up on the first ring. It’s like she’s been waiting for your call.

“Did you like your courting present pup?”

Your throat is dry and you don’t know exactly what to say, even less how to say it. She hums at your silence, an alpha's imitation of a purr. Waiting until your quietness builds to a frantic pulse.

In the pack, you've always been the one with the best survival instincts. Geumjae made you this way. Although the pack has spent the last few months trying to heal you; deep down you know you've never been anything more than a scared animal. Fight or Flight. Freeze or fawn.

Bullet to bullet. Tooth to tooth. Heartbeat to heartbeat. This time is different. This time you have something worth protecting.

You stand, no longer able to sit. There is a noise at the door, and you wait with bated breath for someone to come in. They don't come. But you stand and move farther inside. Hoping that the distance will disguise the sound of your whispered conversation.

She continues when it becomes clear you're struggling to speak. “I’ve got another one on the way. Hyejin’s here, wanna say hello? You’re on speaker.”

“Pup,” she giggles, and you feel like you might vomit. It’s a struggle really, not to end the call right there, not to let the fear overtake you. “We haven’t heard back from Spider yet, and I have a feeling someone’s been a little naughty.”

You lift the curtain to look outside, the train chugs past and the cars flit by like the fast small birds searching for seed in the snow. The whole world is grey and flat. The sky is orange from the lights of the city reflecting the clouds. The trees bare of all but a few crumbly leaves. It’s strange how all at once, the train is all you can look at. All you can think about.

You think about hoseok, the night at the train tracks where he stopped you from leaving. When he asked you to stay.

“Tell me what I need to do. Tell me what I need to do to get you to stop this, please.” Your voice sounds off, even for you. Too flat, strange even to your ears.

“I’m afraid we’re too far along for that.”

"Please, please Moonbyul-" You turn, pacing back towards the door. Past Tae’s clothes, past yours, past Jungkook’s, past the alcove where Hobi hangs his sweatshirts for you. You pause there. Looking at them.

“You said- you said when it was over you’d give me anything I wanted. Well I want them alive. Even if-"

Your voice is so shaky, you're careful to make sure you're not overheard. The pack is in the other room, just downstairs. You can hear the distant hum of their sweet voices; the people you love always sound like a melody. Your absence hasn’t been noticed yet.

"Even if I’m not here.”

For once they’re silent on the other end of the line. It’s a full silence, filled with one part lust and one part hunger. Both of them are like Noodle playing with a mouse. Waiting for the right time to drive their teeth in and end this game.

But even mice have teeth. Your hand is holding your phone so hard that the plastic makes your bones ache and your cuts bleed fresh.

“If you don’t let them live, I'll never stop fighting. But if you want me to be willing- If you want me to be your pup the way I think you do."

You can’t even close your hand into a fist with how wrecked your hands are. They hurt with every clumsy movement. you hold the phone. Your every heartbeat lurching with the horror of what you're doing.

I can’t lose them; I can’t be the reason why they die. They'll keep sending people until we're all dead unless I do something.

“All of them, all of them need to be safe, Jimin- you need to let him go of his contract and let him go back to living a normal life and you need to not punish Jin for working for the FBI.” Your words rush over themselves. "Leave my pack alone and I’ll be obedient. I'll be yours. I’ll never try and go back to them again. I won’t ever try and leave. I promise.”

Moonbyul and Hyejin are silent on the other end of the phone. You wait for a few moments. They must be looking at each other, deliberating.

Everything in this room aches. The closet bedroom that Yoongi made he made for you. The wainscotting just so. Everything in this house was crafted with an equal amount of love.

It was never meant to be yours forever, you’ve been keenly aware of this fact since the moment you met Yoongi. Since the moment you met his eyes across the dining room table and the moment his teeth met your skin. Borrowed things don't belong, they never do. Good things do not last. You only get them for as long as you get them and not a moment longer.

You're looking at Hobi's sweatshirts, in the alcove where he stacks them for you to take when Moonbyul and Hyejin respond.

“We'll agree to those terms, but remember their safety depends on your performance."

"You have 24 hours to get to us pup. Make them count.”

The dial tone drones like a funeral drum.

~-~

(Hoseok, a few years prior)

The backroom at the record shop is cramped with all sorts of things from a bygone era;

A mini fridge with a decrepit desktop computer and logbook balanced atop it. Pictures and bulletins glued to the wall from the 1960's. A greasy coffee machine piled high with bags of expired tea. A cramped spot for employees to hang their coats and a yellowing old table with a pair of chairs; both occupied by people also out of place. a beta that has a thing for 1980's rap and an alpha with a broken heart who admittedly loves 2010's pop.

A poster of some glittery showgirl omega from the 20s bats her eyelashes down at Hoseok as he has a mental breakdown. Offering neither comfort nor absolution nor love.

Maybe if he'd been born an omega like that, it would have been easier. Maybe they'd have wanted him then.

Yoongi's hands rub down Hoseok's shoulder, his back, places only lovers have touched. Up and down. An endless circle. An ouroboros of affection nibbling Hoseok's fickle heart. Hoseok aches harder with every passing moment.

Yoongi looks at the clock as Hoseok continues to sob. The shop should be open right now but Yoongi won't let it. It can go out of business for all he cares. As long as no one makes Hoseok get up from this chair before he's ready.

Beta instincts are fickle things, but Yoongi has always had a third sense. Something in him always knows if people are trustworthy and if they need him. Something in their scents or faces or eyes- like small planets reflecting the cosmos back to them. Do planets bear life only when someone is willing to look for them? Do people only deserve help when they're willing to ask for it? or is it like this?

Eventually, Hoseok gets his breath back in his chest and his sobs quiet down. His eyes open bloodshot. All sadness has an expiration date (thankfully). Yoongi's hand slides down his arm and gives his hand a firm squeeze (and stays there).

It's the first time someone's touched Hoseok without wanting something in God knows how long but he's too sad to properly appreciate it or savor it. (Yoongi doesn't want anything from him that Hoseok wouldn't willingly give. Doesn't want anything but his smile. fuck- he's just a co-worker, isn't he?). Who knows when the next touch like this might come? (Yoongi is going to hold his hand tomorrow because Yoongi likes holding people's hands, Jin will give him the tacit permission to do that at least. But all of the pack are keenly aware that Hoseok needs time to heal, no matter how obvious Yoongi's crush and Hoseok's needs).

(Hoseok is definitely not just Yoongi's coe-worker at this point, but saviors come from all sorts of unlikely places)

Eventually Hoseok's sobs quiet and Yoongi sighs, pulling back. He takes one look at hoseok's red nose and pale cheeks and puffs up. "I'm making your hot chocolate and you're going to tell me what's happened."

He gets up like he needs something to do. Like he's tired of taking care of Hoseok. He doesn't take it personally, he's tired of it too.

“My mates they- they kicked me out of our den,” Hoseok confesses. Yoongi's got two mugs in his hands, they thud against the counter when he reaches into one of the cabinets.

It’s warm in here but Hoseok is still thankful for the sweatshirt the beta gave him. Not only for its warmth but for the layer of scent it provides; It’s soaked with the smell of chocolate. So comforting and heavenly that it makes Hoseok a little dizzy when he tucks his nose into it and takes a hefty sniff when Yoongi's got his back turned.

Hoseok was never given the other pack's items, never allowed or encouraged to indulge in their scents. They never asked for his either.

Yoongi hangs both their jackets above the radiator in the back so that they’ll dry faster. He bears an impressive bite mark on his arm, visible because of his short-sleeved shirt. It's bruised just ever so slightly- an alpha bite but not a mating bite because betas don't mate. A mark like that on him is as good a claim as any. Even with the other scents that cling to the sweatshirt.

Hoseok hasn’t known him long, but they’re friends even if they’ve never met up outside of work. You can't not be friends with someone you spend upwards of 30 hours a week with.

Yoongi just hums. "Have you been with them long?"

Hoseok appreciates that Yoongi doesn't use the past tense, his heart too tender around the idea of endings. Some part of him is unconvinced that it really is over. A stubborn heart for a stubborn alpha.

His hair is starting to dry when he nods. "It's been a few years." Hoseok bites his lip, "I could lie and say I didn't see signs but-" his hands end up in his hair, elbows leaning against the creaking yellow table. Tugging a little. "I'm so fucking stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid," Yoongi says, hand on the back of his head. warm rough fingers. Touching him ever so briefly as he passes to put the milk back in the mini-fridge. "It's not stupid to want to find more love where you got it."

But in truth, There's not much more than Yoongi can say. Not much more that he knows to say. He'd never met Hoseok's pack. Whereas Namjoon and Jimin and the pups have a general tendency to linger around Yoongi person at all hours and locations. Stopping by to drop off coffee or just to make funny faces at him through the window when they're on their way to work. Yoongi has never met his co-worker's pack and has never seen much evidence at all on him beyond some vague hints of scents.

That alone is enough of a hint; usually, when people have packmates they're soaked in their scents. Visceral claims to keep any wandering eyes wandering still. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't wondered why Hoseok didn't wear his packmate's scents.

It’s not like the alpha smells bad at all- a little strong sure, but less genetically dominant alphas tend to smell a little sweeter like omegas.

At least that’s what Namjoon says when he feels like info dumping. Late at night when the pack asleep around them and only Yoongi's stayed up to listen. Because Yoongi likes the sound of Namjoon's voice when he gets into the details. Stroking across Namjoon’s bare chest just to feel the alpha's words rumble against his fingertips. His heartbeat against his ear the backtrack for all of it.

Whoever Yoongi’s pack is; they surely love him a lot. That much has been evident since the second that Hoseok met him. Evident in the packed bento boxes and the bunny-eyed omega that walks with him to work sometimes. Or in the tall omega and alpha pair that Hoseok has seen perusing the shelves when he comes in to relieve Yoongi of his shift.

Hoseok has worked here for 6 months. It’s impossible not to collect these details. The hickeys on his throat that he wears after weekends, how ruffled but generally loved Yoongi looks when he comes back from rut and heat leave.

“Is there a reason why they left?” Yoongi tries to be as undiscerning as possible. Voice gentle and measured. Stirring the hot cocoa and putting it in front of Hoseok.

Hoseok takes a sip and it feels like he's drinking a cup of the beta in front of him. Yoongi melts a little into the chair at the happy noise Hoseok makes.

It's good. Really good actually, Yoongi uses twice as much Swiss mix as the package instructs and a tablespoon of honey to boot. More chocolate can never be a bad thing.

Before Hoseok has a chance to respond, The phone next to the cabinet rings. And Yoongi takes it off the stand and hangs it up again in quick secession so that it doesn’t ring anymore. It has to be important but he ignores it for Hoseok's sake. Yoongi does a lot of ordering for the shop, the rare records that their boss is always trying to source and sell. It's a lot of chasing down leads and curators.

(This is not true. This is a lie that Yoongi and his boss have fed him. This phone is set up for the family's use. Hoseok doesn’t know that most of the calls Yoongi answers are more delicate than just simple stock orders.)

“I just found out that my brother has stolen from me, what should his punishment be beta?”

“How much did he steal?”

“300k”

Yoongi swallows, fighting his narrow margin of benevolence. The drops of mercy that he's allowed to show without suspicion. He tells himself that the other beta would order a far worse. People only call him when they want lighter punishment.

“A finger for every 100 then.”

The people who call ask him all manner of things. Things like “I think my child might be planning on going to the police, what should I do before anyone finds out about it?” He is both a secret keeper and a jury.

“Send them away. Out of sight and out of mind of anything that they might be able to share. I hear the military academies are lovely this year. So much snow. Yes, they take omega recruits.”

“My firstborn child presented as an omega instead of an alpha. They're my firstborn and heir, how should I proceed?”

“I can ask around for an advantageous match but I’m sorry, there is no fixing presentation.”

Hoseok hasn’t seen a phone like that in years. Didn’t even know they made old-fashioned ones like that anymore. Ones with a dial, the blue plastic worn from the number of times Yoongi's had to pick it up. It doesn't stay silent for long, ringing soon after yoongi's hung it up.

“I'm the only- they’re an all-omega group.” As if by the mention of his sub gender Hoseok’s angry burning sugar scent fills the room. In reply, Yoongi’s sweetness rises. Hoseok takes another sip and pretends it's just the hot chocolate warming his cheeks. “I guess they wanted to keep it that way.”

"I've got two omegas and they keep me on my toes, I can't imagine four." That gets a laugh out of Hoseok.

"You've got a bunch of alphas in yours though, right?" A bunch already, I wouldn't be needed. Hoseok has seen them, the tall one with dimples that looks like something out of a soap opera. The scary-looking one with the chubby cheeks who's always holding hands with the pretty academic one who likes the jazz in the corner.

Yoongi nods, "That must be nice," Hoseok's eyelashes are all clumped together from the tears. "Having so many people to take care of you."

Yoongi hums, knuckles brushing Hoseok’s hand on the table. It’s just one tender touch but Hoseok starts to break. To crumple.

Yoongi senses Hoseok breaking, pulling him in close before he has a chance to really fracture (he comes just in time, Yoongi loves Hoseok just in time). Yoongi’s scent alone is enough to soothe him- beyond the way he guides the alpha to rest against his throat. Hoseok fights it only a little, what's a little scenting among friends?

They're not just friends, it's not just scenting.

Hoseok wants to bury his nose in the beta’s throat, but that wouldn’t be appropriate, not with the scent of so many others clinging to him. He still sags into the hug. Turns his face away to avoid the temptation.

“They didn’t even tell me- and now the lease on the apartment is up and I can’t afford it on my own and-“ I’m so scared and I just wish there was someone to take care of me. I wish I was a pup again.

They sit like that at the table and Yoongi just lets him cry, He pulls back after his sobbing has cooled. They hug until they both smell like gooey chocolate chip cookies with too much brown sugar.

Hoseok sniffles, “We have to open up the shop,” Yoongi's arms tighten around Hoseok's shoulders in reply.

“It can wait a few more seconds.” Hoseok wants to say that the owner wouldn’t like that but he doesn’t.

Yoongi sips and hesitates. “Do you have a place to stay tonight?” Hoseok pauses for a second, flushing before he shakes his head. “Okay, it's okay. You can say with me.”

“Are- are you sure they won't mind?” But Yoongi is already typing away on his phone, shooting a quick text to the pack group chat (a chat that Hoseok will be added to in exactly 23 days, but who's counting?)

“Not at all. It’s a bit cramped with all of us but we have a spare bed in the closet room that Tae likes to read on sometimes- Jungkook's boss slept there last night after they came back from drinking and Namjoon was so mad- he won't be mad about you though- it's just that Jungkook- he just really shouldn't be drinking."

"Is he underaged?"

"No, he's just got health issues."

"Oh." Yet another person who gets the love he needs, the care he needs. Hoseok tries and fails miserably not to be jealous over Yoongi's omega whom he's never met.

He won't be jealous for long. Later Jungkook is going to challenge him to an arm wrestle just to prove he doesn't need babying. Beating alphas in feats of strength is his favorite thing. He'll feel Hoseok’s hand in his and get completely distracted. "Wow, you've got like- really pretty hands!" and drag them close to his to compare sizes. He'll be smitten nearly instantly with Jungkook- for what it's worth. The jealousy only lasts for a few hours.

Within a few seconds his phone is ringing off the hook, he shows Hoseok the chorus of, “Yes it’s okay!” and “Poor thing, tell him he can stay as long as he wants.” "Of course hyung!" "Does Hoseok like kimchi-jjigae or should we just order pizza?" “Oh! Can we get some with pineapple?” “Gross Jk.” "Yeah we all know Minnie doesn't like the aftertaste of burnt fruit."

And Hoseok can't help but feel like he doesn’t deserve this kindness and such an effortless acceptance. There is a knock at the front door before he can say anything. A few short taps against the glass. Yoongi tells Hoseok to stay put while he goes to deal with a pushy customer who wants in. Leaving him alone in the backroom with his cooling hot coco and the poster still staring down at him.

(They say two can keep a secret if one of them is dead, but that's not the only way a secret stays buried; the best secrets are the ones you’re not even aware of.

Out of all the people in your pack. Hoseok is the only one in possession of a secret like this. The best kinds of secrets are the ones you don't even know are secrets see- he doesn't even know that this memory is enough to save you. Hoseok is entirely unaware that in his mind lies this memory.

Hoseok was the first person to get on the no-kill list, and it wasn’t because of Yoongi.

All packmates of a Don get put on the list;

no matter if they're active or past.)

Sitting at that yellowing wood table; Hoseok feels more settled now that he knows he has a place to sleep tonight that isn’t this backroom. Pulling the sleeve of Yoongi’s sweatshirt over his palms and sniffing at the collar where it was pushed up against Yoongi’s scent gland.

If he thinks hard, he can pick out a few scents here and there soaking the fabric. (Milky Omega Jin, Honey Sweet Puppy Jungkookie, Cinnamon sweet Alpha Tae and vanil-lalalala Jimin, Coffee Alpha Namjoon and Chocolate Yoongi).

It's so different from his ex-pack's scents. Their sugary sweet omega peppermint and sharp lemony evergreen, winter berry and pine, the cold smart of snow against his nose. His burning caramel scent- so off-putting. The one scent not Christmas-themed. The one that didn’t fit.

By comparison- Yoongi's pack smells like a bakery in summer. Every scent that could be added to a cake maybe (one day, in the kitchen, he’ll eat your tiramisu and realize yes- that’s exactly what it’s missing. Your cakey scent makes them all complete, the warmth of baking things).

He has somewhere to go now. Somewhere to be. Someone to trust. He trusts Yoongi- even if they’ve only known each other for a handful of short months.

And Yoongi’s pack can’t be worse than his last one.

As if in reply to Yoongi’s phone (buzzing with more texts that he doesn't check because Hoseok is nothing if not respectful of people's digital privacy. If he checked he would see "Is that the hot coworker you're always talking about? The one who always looks a little sad?")

Hoseok’s phone buzzes with the notification he's been waiting for.

Pack Omega 🌙 calling.

Pick up? Decline?

Hoseok hasn't yet gotten around to changing her contact information. He scrambles at it, spilling the hot cocoa across the table as he rushes to pick it up. Scrambling to get to it before it goes to voice mail. Blood pounding in his ears.

Hoseok’s voice is broken as he says his pack omega’s name, his old pack omega’s name.

“Byulyi- Moonbyul please-”

Moonbyul is cold on the other side of the phone. Maybe she’d have liked him more, and wouldn’t have given up on him if he didn't beg. But Hoseok has never been above begging. Not for love. Not for the thing he wants and needs the most. Hoseok needs love more than air and as Yoongi said- it's easiest to go looking for love where you once got it.

Even when you know it could hurt you.

Her voice is flat and unaffected. “I just wanted to make sure you found a place to stay tonight. Are you still going to be around to give the landlord the keys?”

Hoseok finds himself nodding even though he knows she can’t see him. “Yes- I can do that, I can do anything you want. Can we talk?”

“No.”

“Moonbyul please-”

“Goodbye Hoseok.” She says, hanging up after a second. Hoseok looks at the phone. Pushing the button to redial. It doesn't go. She’s already blocked him.

It will be a long time until Hoseok hears from his last pack again, a long long time until he says their names again. He will remember the way he’d begged, the way her name had sounded smack dab in the middle of it. And hate hate Hate how it makes him feel. He won't ever say their names, regret and self-disgust getting in the way.

It's a little funny, thinking of how different things might have gotten if he'd just told yoongi their names. If he hadn't let his alpha pride get in the way. A few days from now they'll talk about it together. "I don't like the way saying their names makes me feel- it feels- I hate how much I want to say it- to see them again- saying their names just reminds me of the power they had over me."

Never again, will Jung Hoseok beg for someone to give him the bare minimum. This is his lowest point. The moment where it shifts- for good.

His head is in his hands when Yoongi comes back into the room. Still sniffling, crying yet again. Yoongi sets a palm in his hair, ruffling it. Eyeing the spilled hot cocoa with a raised eyebrow.

“If you wanted coffee you could have just said so-“ he makes an attempt at levity and is rewarded with Hoseok’s small snort. Wiping his wet cheeks. Neither of them is aware of the secret. Neither of them is aware and so much worse off for it."

Hoseok grins, “Are you buying hyung?”

~-~

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Notes:

in the story there has always been this question- mainly raised by jimin during his secret chapters- if the m/c is actually in love with them or if she's just manipulating them- at the beginning of this chapter- we actually see jimin finally dispel the last bit of him that thinks even a little bit that this is the case. once he sees how much she put her body on the line- that question isn't even in the back of his mind- even a little. i ended up re-editing this part alot because of it.

every time i write something from jimin's pov i'm always like "why is everything so meandering? why are things disjointed?" and then i remember that's literally jimin's character- that he is in a lot of ways an unreliable narrator.

(TW) i have this idea in my head that namjoon DOES NOT become a good person in the event that all of them die like- a whole separate idea of him becoming a doctor for the family through yoongi's connections with the soul purpose of one day killing moonbyul and her entire pack…including their pups on accident which ends up destroying the last bit of namjoon's innocence as a person…and he ends up becoming one of the families assassins alongside jimin as a result, in this event jungkook does not stay with them and instead moves on and yoongi stays and tries to get them to stop only to ask them to kill him as their last kill because he's unable to cope with the loss of jin, hobi, the m/c and tae. BUT ANYWAY I DIGRESS THAT IS NOT THIS STORY.

i think in this story there is this really interesting dynamic of femininity and death and morality- that being said red nail polish is definitely a metaphor for whose comfortable killing and who isn't. i like the contrast between tae who will never wear red nails again- vs the moon pack who all are not allowed out of the nest if their nailpolish isn't perfect like- thats another layer of the fucked up shit.

are you suprised that the m/c is going to leave? Did you see it coming from a mile away? i mean...it is in the title of the series 😈

….the parallel between hobi losing his voice and the m/c not having a voice at the beginning of the series- you can project whatever meaning you want onto that <3

also on that subject the line "Jin’s hands. Your face. Tae’s head. Hoseok’s throat. Each of you has lost the thing most necessary to your survival." it's worth mentioning that thats not what i think is the most necessary thing to their survival but it is their own interpretation of what keeps them alive. like i for one actually think that the m/c is a lot more pragmatic than anyone gives her credit for but i digress. i could go on about all of their strenghts.

what did you guys think about hobi's secret reveal???? a fair amount of people have guessed it and i think when someone got it at the beginning of the series i lied and said it wasn't- i'm allowed to be an unreliable narrator too!!! kudos to everyone who got it! i feel like it could have been revealed better and originally the big one off was slated for next chapter but i decided to shift it to this one (mostly because i think the next chapter is about to get up there in terms of word count tbh 😭) but T-T its done now! please give me praise because i'm baby and this week has honestly been really hard

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eoieopda · 1 year

Text

stay (jjk)

“Jungkook,” His name was merely a sigh flying out of your lungs and through your parted lips. “If we do this - if we go down this road - how do we go back?”

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Fem!Reader Type: One-Shot; SMUT (18+ - MINORS DNI) Word Count: 3.1K Content: Best friends to lovers au; rain-soaked jk; fingering; oral sex (f receiving); p in v penetration; unprotected sex + creampie (wrap it before you tap it, homies); reader on top; religion reference, i guess? idk; a sprinkling of praise for zest. A/N: Surprise! This popped into my head while I was waiting for take-out, and now here it is! You can listen to the playlist here, and you can find the morning after drabble here.

You knew better. You both did.

The two of you held joint custody of a single brain cell, and your shared consciousness repeated over and over that this was a bad idea. That the weight of what you wanted would sit so heavily on your shoulders, you’d both drown. But that didn’t stop him from standing on your doorstep at two o’clock in the morning, and it didn’t stop you from answering the door before he’d had the chance to knock.

Without his headlights shining through the blinds you’d forgotten to close, you’d never have gotten out of bed. You couldn’t have known for sure that it was him turning down your street at this hour, but somehow, you felt it.

Maybe you’d manifested his car, willed it to roll to a stop in your driveway when it did. Or maybe that familiar hum of the engine was your siren song, beckoning you towards the rocks. Whatever it was, it had pulled you out of that liminal space between sleeping and waking, all the way to your front door.

And then, there you were – and there he was.

You hadn’t noticed it was raining until he was dripping onto the hardwood in your front hallway. His hair clung to his forehead, and his damp skin glistened under the warm light overhead. His jaw was clenched tightly as he looked down at you. Neither of you could say for sure how he ended up there; but neither of you needed to guess why.

Still silent, you took his cold hand and led him through the living room. With his fingers intertwined with yours, a current of unspoken electricity hummed between your palms. When you took a left at the end of the hall, he was the first to step into your bedroom. He kept walking, too, unaware that you’d stalled out behind him.

You closed the door behind you, even though there was no one there but you, and you leaned against it. Unsure of what to do with yourself, you dragged the toe of one sock across the carpet before crossing one bare thigh over the other. His hungry gaze swallowed every little movement, even in the darkness.

“Jungkook,” His name was merely a sigh flying out of your lungs and through your parted lips. “If we do this - if we go down this road - how do we go back?”

As he crossed back to you, you wondered who put the world in slow-motion. There was an hour between each of his footfalls, and the distance seemed to double with every move he made in your direction. When he finally reached you, he pressed his palms against the door behind you, flush to the wood just above your head. You’d never been more aware of your heartbeat than you were in that moment.

Darkened eyes traveled down the expanse of your face before climbing back up to capture your gaze. He leaned in, close enough to kiss you, but paused. A millimeter away, the corner of his mouth twitched between a smile and a smirk. “Maybe we don’t.”

This was the closest he’d ever been to you, and the farthest apart you’d ever want to be again. The smell of him was intoxicating; you’d bet that it had caused your pupils to dilate, matching his.

Bergamot, nutmeg, cedar, and a hint of spearmint toothpaste.

Still, you were unsure. You couldn’t string a coherent thought together. It was all an anxious blur, and it ate at you. What if what if, what if? Incapable of diving into anything without discussing every conceivable outcome first, you opened your mouth to talk it all through. Nothing came out until his hand found the base of your throat.

He trailed the tips of his thumb and middle finger outwards, dancing delicately across your neck. A moan masquerading as an exhale defied you and filled the great divide between his mouth and yours.

Leaving his hand there, he tilted his head so that his mouth lingered under your jawline. Goosebumps erupted all over your body as his hot breath hit your sensitive skin. Without the door behind you to lean on, you would’ve dropped dead to your knees – but the body pressing into yours would never allow that to happen.

“Tell me to stop and I will.” Though his words came in the form of a whisper, they struck you as a dare. One he must’ve known you'd never take him up on. “Tell me to go home, and I’ll leave.”

The sweltering heat building in your abdomen threatened to set you both on fire; it was starkly contrasted by the growing wetness between your clenched thighs. Your mind was dizzy underneath him, but you managed to say one word out loud.

Stay.

As soon as he heard it, his arms snaked around your waist and lifted you off the ground. You crossed your ankles behind his back and melted into his hold as he carried you to your bed. With the skill of someone who’d practiced this maneuver many times before, he brought one knee to the end of your mattress to keep his balance as his body followed yours down to the cool surface of your duvet.

You fit so perfectly beneath him, like it was the only place on Earth you were truly meant to be.

The only part of your body he hadn’t yet pinned down was your arms. But as soon as you lifted a hand to touch him – anywhere – his hand encircled your wrist and pushed it back against the pillow beside your head.

“It’s not your turn, doll,” He chided you without any real heat. Unconsciously, your lips curved downwards. “You have to be patient.”

Petulantly, you whined. “Could you at least kiss me?”

He raised an eyebrow expectantly but said nothing. He didn’t have to. The look in his eye gave you clear direction, and it didn't waver in the face of your pout.

“Please, Jungkook.”

Never in your life had you begged someone to kiss you. You couldn’t believe Jeon Jungkook - your lifelong friend - was the one to make you do it.

Once again, he leaned over your face, so tantalizingly close and still so unbearably far. “I will,” He promised in earnest, though all you felt on your lips was his breathing. “But I decide where.”

He didn’t stay to see the shocked look spread across your face. Instead, his gaze followed his hand as it traveled down from the collar of your shirt, between your breasts, and over your navel. His other hand joined when he reached your hips. Moving in tandem, they slipped past the fabric you anticipated he was heading for and glided right down to your inner thighs. Gently, his warm palms guided your knees apart.

When his lips pressed briefly and delicately at the material covering your clit, it sent shockwaves through your each and every nerve. Spellbound, you sighed. Mouth flush to your core, you could feel the vibration of his husky voice as he spoke. “Oh, angel,” He hummed before his tongue slipped out to tease you through the damp fabric, “You’re already so wet for me.”

His soft tone could’ve killed you, but the feeling of his fingers on the waistband of your underwear was the final nail in your coffin. The knuckles of his index fingers pressed lightly into your hip bones as they slid under, hooked over, and dragged. You raised your hips to allow him to slide the black cotton over the curve of your ass, and he did - so - agonizingly - slow.

Not soon enough, your underwear was discarded somewhere behind him. Neither of you saw or cared where they ended up.

“Fuck,” He growled as his ravenous eyes ate up the sight of you. “Do you know how gorgeous you are?”

He didn’t give you an opportunity to answer – you couldn’t, even if his question hadn’t been rhetorical – because his face was sinking back down between your legs. Your pulse was racing, and you could feel your heartbeat hammering deep within your ears. It stopped all together when his lips placed a kiss on your clit once more, this time without the interference of clothing.

His tongue slid out and circled slowly around the sensitive bud where his lips had just been. A shuddered gasp spilled out of you before you’d even felt it building in your chest. But he didn’t stay there for long, much to your chagrin. You whined in the absence of his tongue, stopping short when he pressed it flush against you, trailing up, up, up with just enough pressure to drive you mad.

This time, when you gathered enough strength to lift your arm and slip your fingers into his hair, he didn’t stop you. Instead, the slight tug of your desperate grasp seemed to encourage him. Emboldened, his lips surrounded your clit, suckling it, until it was released with a quiet, wet pop.

When the tip of his tongue moved down to tease at your entrance, a sheen of sweat erupted on your forehead. Your eyes screwed shut as you pressed your head back hard against the pillows. You wanted so badly for that tongue to penetrate you, and you ached when it moved back to your clit – that is, until you realized that he was merely switching mediums.

His lips and tongue continued their assault while one long finger glided slowly inside of you. Your grip on his hair tightened while your grip on reality loosened. That blessed finger curled until its tip found the spongey spot behind your pubic bone.

“Oh shit,” Your low moan vibrated in each of your bones. You were so distracted by the way he massaged your g-spot, you didn’t anticipate the second finger being added to aid in the effort. He scissored them inside of you, earning a sharp hiss through your teeth. The pressure of his presence against your internal walls put you into a trance.

He pulled his mouth away so he could look up at you from under heavy lids. “You’re so warm, angel,” His husky voice received a mewl in response. “So tight, too. Can’t even imagine how good you’ll feel when you come all over my fingers.” Another moan pushed out of you as he curled his fingers once more.

With his two fingers pressing further into your g-spot as they pistoned in and out of you, you could hear how wet he’d made you. The sound of your slick, underscored by your breathy moans, reverberated in your otherwise silent bedroom. Your body threatened to give out on you entirely, but you summoned the strength to arch your back as the tightness in your core became unbearable.

“I want you to look me in the eyes when you come,” he said, prompting you to stare up at him through fluttering lashes. “Good girl.”

His praise pulled the thread that led to your unraveling. You made a mess of his fingers as you orgasmed around them, hips bucking upwards into his hand. They lingered inside of you as you came down, riding out the aftershocks that caused your walls to twitch. Gasping and spent, you collapsed back against the mattress.

For the first time since he arrived, the lips that always seemed to hover over yours finally indulged you. You sighed into the kiss and felt yourself returning from the orbit you’d been shot into. When you pulled apart, he placed another kiss at your temple.

“I saw God for a second there,” You laughed, out of breath. “He says ‘hello,’ by the way.”

He smirked as he bumped the tip of his nose against yours. “Watching you come like that was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a religious experience.”

He tilted his head and brought his mouth to your ear lobe, licking it playfully before closing in with his teeth. The surprising sensation brought you back from the dead just in time for his words to knock you prone again. “And I’m not even finished with you yet.”

Jungkook sat back onto his knees and tugged at the hem of your too-big t-shirt. When you made no moves to remove it, he frowned down at you. Raising your eyebrow, you copied the expression he routinely directed at you. “You first,” You dared him.

He rolled his eyes at your attitude, but did as you instructed. He tossed his shirt back into whatever void your underwear had fallen into.

In all the years you’d been friends, you’d somehow never seen Jungkook without a shirt on. For some primal reason outside your comprehension, the sight of his strong shoulders curving into his comparatively narrow waist started a riot among the butterflies in your stomach. You bit down on your bottom lip and sat up underneath him.

As you traced the lines of his abdominal muscles with your fingertips, his slipped beneath the hem of your shirt and began to slide it up and off.

“Goddamn,” He groaned after he finished unwrapping you like a present. He ducked his head down as if he was bowing in reverence. His large, warm hands enveloped your breasts easily like they’d been specifically engineered for this purpose.

When he removed them to unbuckle his belt, they were replaced by wet kisses across the pale expanse of your chest. As he unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down, the faintest hint of teeth grazed your nipple, prompting yet another gasp from deep inside you.

The way his mouth felt on your electrified skin caused your eyelids to flutter shut. Tragically, you didn’t get to see the way his cock sprung from beneath the waistband of his boxer briefs before he discarded them entirely. You did see the bead of pre-cum rolling down his head, as well as the wicked glint in his eyes.

“Switch places with me,” He directed you, wrapping his hands around your wrist and helping you up.

You did as he said, and soon, you were perched above him with your knees on either side of him. Though there remained an unfortunate distance between his head and your slit, you were nearly dripping with want. You locked eyes and time crashed to a halt.

His hand pumped at his length without breaking eye contact. “Bring yourself down slowly.”

You lined yourself up, placed one hand on his cock, and teased the tip of it against your entrance. Briefly, his eyes rolled backwards at the feeling of your slick against him. The beginnings of a moan were foreshadowed on his face, though he didn’t make a sound until he entered you.

Suddenly, it made sense why he’d ordered you to take it slow – the width of his cock required considerable acclimation on your part. For a moment, you struggled to catch your breath, but the more you pressed yourself onto him, the more accommodating you became. Soon enough, you’d taken all of him; the lips of your cunt were flush against his pelvis.

“Such a good girl.” His hand reached up, and his thumb swept lightly across your bottom lip. To his surprise, you opened your mouth and closed it around his finger. You felt his cock twitch in response to the wet heat of your tongue. He stared intently, unblinking, as you hollowed out your cheeks; and he let loose with a soft groan when you slowly released him from your trap. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

You circled your hips slowly, feeling the veins of his cock as they brushed against your walls. His jaw slackened, causing you to grin mischievously down at him. “I might have a clue,” You teased.

The hands spread across your thigh tensed in reply. His eager fingertips would undoubtedly leave a smattering of tiny bruises across your skin by sunrise, but you didn’t mind. You wanted him to leave a trace so neither of you could deny where he’d been. A breadcrumb trail to lead you back to him once the moonlight disappeared and the moment passed.

When you lifted yourself only to drop back down, you both exhaled curses. Again and again, you savored every inch of him. As you fucked yourself on his cock, his hands slid up your thighs, over your abdomen, and back to your breasts. The friction of his rough palms against the soft skin of your areolas was only rivaled by that between your thighs.

“You’re fucking beautiful, bouncing on my cock like that,” He groaned before his tongue darted out over his lips, “And - shit - those tits.”

Based on the glistening sweat on his collarbones and his tightly clenched jaw, you knew he was close – and judging by the way you’d begun to pant, so were you. When he needed more speed than your weakened knees could produce, his arms wrapped around you and pulled your naked chest against his. Pushing his heels into the mattress, he fucked upwards into you – hard – and oh god, the tip of him nearly kissed your cervix.

You mewled as he slammed into you, unable to do anything else as you teetered at the edge of the world. Your frenzied mouth met his, and you slipped your tongue inside not only to taste him – spearmint – but also to eliminate any cruel distance that had managed to survive this long.

You could’ve lived there forever, but the rubber band pulled tight in your core was on the verge of snapping. His pace never faltered as he pushed you relentlessly past the point of no return.

“Holy sh-shit, Jungkook!” You screamed, arching your back against his arms, shoulders slumping.

Your second orgasm was somehow – inconceivably - stronger than the first, causing your toes to curl and your eyes to screw shut. Every one of your muscles clocked out en masse, leaving your body a shaking, sweating mess on top of him.

The sight of you so completely fucked out depleted what remained of his endurance. His thrusts became sloppy and frantic as he chased after you. Wanting nothing more than to feel his hot release inside you, you brought your lips to his ear and begged him to fill you.

You watched his face as he came inside of you. His head tilted back while his eyes fluttered shut more delicately than yours had. His fingers pressed hard into the bare skin of your back, and when your name tumbled out of his mouth - over and over - it might’ve been the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard.

Once he’d emptied his cock into you, he stayed in that position with his eyes closed. Limp arms barely held up by the hands still holding your waist.

“Kook?” You kissed the pulse point in his neck to make sure he still had one. “You alive down there?”

“Mhmm,” He sighed through a lopsided grin. With his eyes still shut, his chuckle buzzed through his chest, into yours. “It’s kind of funny, you know? I spent years wondering what you’d be like – like this – and I still managed to underestimate you. Damn near scrambled my brains, doll.”

You reached up to his forehead and pushed the sweaty locks away from his eyes with one finger. Without any impediments to his vision, his eyes opened slowly and became fixed on you. For a moment, all he did was blink sleepily up at you with total, peaceful satisfaction written across his features.

His softening cock was still buried inside of you when the corners of his lips turned down. With a sigh, he said it and it killed you: ”You were right about our friendship not surviving this.”

“Seriously?” You scoffed, immediately landing a weak punch on his bicep with gritted teeth. “You couldn’t even pull out before singlehandedly terminating – “

He interrupted you with a kiss, and you saw stars.

“You told me to stay,” He mumbled with his lips still touching yours. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m staying.”

(12/30/22) A/N: Morning after drabble can be found here.

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shuckinbeanz · 1 year

Note

imagine bakugou’s kids just as outspoken as he is. S

they know their dad likes their teacher but he won’t say anything so one day while they are walking out the classroom to head home , they ask him , very clearly “can miss y/n be our new mommy?”, “you alredy like her”.

🤣🤣

warnings/notes: baku as a D(ad)ILF? 🥺 imean he already is a D(ude)ILF but...hhh soft dad baku thots 🥺🥺 female prns, specifically 'miss', 'mother' and 'mommy', otherwise reader is gn

MINORS 👏 DNI! 👏 AGE 👏 IN 👏 BIO 👏 OR 👏 DNI! 👏 Head on over to @candybowbeansies please for my SFW pieces, or be blocked if you interact here! 😇

Tags: @dynamightsdaydream

"Daaaaaaaaad, can Miss Y/N be our new mooommmyyyyy?" comes one child a bit too loud. His cheeks flush a hue as lurid as his eyes. "Shut. It. What'd I say about that," he gripes, and the child squeals playfully and scampers off, his other kid(s) soon bounding after their sibling echoing their words enthusiastically. "Wait, get back here, ya brats!" he shouts, but they're long gone.

And just as he's about to head after them, he hears a pleasantly spine-tingling giggle behind him. He's incapable of thought as he turns to see you in all your beautiful glory.

He all but sputters, his flush reaching the tips of his ears, unable to form anything of coherency.

He didn't know it yet, but his kids have been persistantly pestering you to allow them to call you their mother for the longest time, now.

You thought it was kids just being kids. With your personality, a lot of them were attracted to you, so it was understandable. However, after a few times of being politely told no, they would eventually move on to something else-but not the kids of the Bakugou household.

And seeing his reaction to you only makes you giggle again, sweet you, as you see for yourself; the man very evidently had a crush on you, much like his own kids had insistantly and shamelessly thrown him under the bus over it.

Now, you had to admit, a small part of you had the wishful thought of the bombshell blonde actually harboring feelings for you, so you'd held onto a little notecard with your phone number on it. Something nobody else knew, and something that turned out to be a lucky charm, because here he is, loudly trying to explain what you heard only moments ago as being his kids' latest phase, trying to tell you to not mind them, kids are just kids, and whatnot.

But his gruff voice sticks low in his throat, not a word more passing his lips as you pass him the notecard with a small coy smile. He looks at it in disbelief, "Call me when you have time?" then to you at your words, gaping like a goldfish.

You debate it for a few moments that feels like hours, ultimately deciding to bravely lean in to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek. Now equally as redfaced as him, you head past him, leaving him stupified as the chorus of his kids' lengthy, dramatic 'Ooooooo's sound at the end of the hall. You can't help but huff a breathy laughter, a bashful 'Oh, kids...' coming from you as you pass them, too.

They immediately bound to their father, and you feel a slight twinge of guilt as you hear them bombard him about you.

That night, he calls you.

It becomes a habit, too, and after some time, he asks you out, and you were more than happy to accept.

#💋.ask2smash.thirstz #💋.k-katsuki<3 #💄.ANGEL #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mha #bnha #dynamight x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader

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the-insomniac-emporium · 5 months

Text

A. Caldwell: Resident Lover edition

ayyyye it's ya girl boy creature of questionable origins! originally I was going for a npc version of Ava, like they were a side character in RL, but honestly this design could work as my version of the MC (because, ya know, Ava was originally a self-insert who rapidly mutated into something else heehoo) also ignore my typo on their title. forgot to double check and it's too late now

Avaskian Caldwell: Miranda's (other) impersonal assistant

Mx. Caldwell was originally a student at Miranda's University, studying for their psychology degree, with the goal of being a counselor of sorts for future students. The official report states that their horrific injuries were the result of an accident that occurred off-campus, while Caldwell was running an errand for the student council. As a result, Mx. Caldwell suffered a brain injury, resulting in an unusual (and advanced) case of dysphasia, as well as increased sensitivity to sound. They now communicate almost exclusively through writing, which is less impaired than their speech, and wear special ear plugs meant to limit background noise without blocking out nearby voices. Headmistress Miranda graciously offered the former-student a job at the University, as a groundskeeper of sorts. Or, well, that's the official story...

Although few speak openly of such things, the rumors around campus indicate that Mx. Caldwell knowingly got entangled in a Cult while trying to track down an old friend. Supposedly, they betrayed the group's trust, and were cursed in retaliation. But if that is the case... why would the cult keep them around? As an example, perhaps? The truth is evasive as always, and unendingly complex.

Currently, the idea is that Avaskian's childhood friend attended the University, got involved in Alcina's secret society, goofed up real bad, tried to blackmail her way out of it, and got added to Alcina's sculpture collection. Ava questioned her sudden disappearance, despite not having been in active contact with said friend for some time. Just like in their OG story, they followed the trail, running into one of the cult's more remote ventures in the process. That sets up the bit for Ava's cult design, which I'm still working on.

Eventually, Ava made it to the university, got an invitation, emotionally manipulated their way into the thick of things (also by being intelligent, fast-thinking, and perceptive as hell), and eventually managed to put two and two together about their friend's fate. While they were unable to actually save their friend, they were able to essentially mercy-kill her, freeing her consciousness from the sculpture. Unfortunately, that meant betraying Alcina's trust...

Which is why Miranda definitely did curse them. Ava can no longer talk coherently, and is physically incapable of saying or writing several key words, to prevent them from openly revealing the cult's business. Technically, they can talk out loud, it's just... mostly nonsensical.

"Tongue twisting thoughts into scrambled egg salad. A typewriter monkey bowling for alphabet soup."

So, why did Miranda let them live?... Well, for one, they might not look like it, but they're already, like, 87% dead. Again, per their OG story (which I'm trying to adapt as seamlessly as possible), Ava's health regeneration is incredibly powerful, but uncontrollable. They literally drink poison tea (thanks Donna) to periodically give the regen something to do other than filling them with extra sets of organs. Ava manages to be resourceful, effective, and can mostly blend in without others realizing their inhuman strength.

But I think the biggest reason Miranda didn't outright kill them is that, to a degree, she recognizes a piece of herself in them. Someone who is ruthlessly persistent, utterly set on their goal, purely devoted to the one they want to protect. Ava wasn't able to save their person, but their loyalty is admirable, and Miranda knows just how to redirect it for her own purposes...

#j has ocs #avaskian caldwell #resident lover #resident lover spoilers #mostly after the cut #more backstory and art to come #they love donna #so much

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johneroserotica · 9 months

Text

Test Subject: 0073

Day 1: Preparation

Test Subject 0073 has been teased with the Penetrator 3.0. The constantly vibrating phallus has been highly sufficient in causing an extreme need for sexual release throughout the day. As with past test subjects, the intense vibration emitted, as well as its knack for teasing a woman’s entrance with the possibility of penetration, has kept her constantly requesting more. The thought of what it would feel like to have it vibrating that way within them always causes for a desperation to be penetrated as fast as possible.

The subject had also informed us that the addition of the rotating feature to the phallus made it feel ‘alive’ while it teased her labia and clitoris.

As a reward for enduring so many hours of stimulation without climax in preparation for tomorrow, she has been granted full penetration by the machine. It has been programmed to shut off at any signs of impending climax. This will continue for 60 minutes, after which the subject will rest and be prepared to return here tomorrow. I am pleased with the penetrative device’s performance in anticipation for the upcoming tests.

Day 2:

Her responses to the self-regulating devices have been most pleasing. The hand-held vibrating wand, having been set to maintain an orgasmic state within the subject, has succeeded in keeping her locked in a continuous cycle of orgasms when coincided with penetration. The subject has been rendered incapable of coherent speech – other than interspersed begging – as expected.

The self-regulating dildo shall be introduced for the next stage to examine its potency. For now however, testing shall continue with the wand applied directly to her clitoris until the subject can abstain from any speech or noise at all for a total of 5 minutes. So far, only 20 seconds have been reached until moaning and subsequent screaming continued.

Day 3:

The self-regulating dildo has so far proven to be successful; it has been consistent in keeping the subject constantly on the edge of orgasm since the beginning of the test. The instrument has had a 100% success ratio in determining how close the subject has been to climax, effectively adjusting the speed and power of penetrations to keep her from climactic release.

The utilization of the self-regulating wand vibrator in conjunction with this dildo has allowed for the subject to be rendered incapable of completing any verbal tasks without resorting to continued, pronounced begging.

The self-lubrication will allow for up to 5 hours of unhindered penetration, so far the device has been agreeable. It will be beneficial to examine whether the effects of the dildo on the subject are hampered by the wand at all over an extended duration; the findings of which can be used to test the next model of vibrators. We have 2 days until tests of the new model begin, until then, I believe we will have ample time to examine how far this device can push the subject.

Day 5:

The subject has had to once again be tied in place. Findings have shown that without restraint, the automated vibrators have succeeded in stimulating her past the point of tolerable stimulation (herein deemed beyond the limits of self-sustained masturbation) after merely 2 minutes approximately. Now tied in position, the device can work without her interference.

The analysis shows that the device is a resounding success, with the vibrating ends continuously following her clitoris and keeping in contact. Even when the subject attempts to pull away, the device swiftly maintains contact within 0.8 seconds duration. The subject’s movements and attempts to escape the stimulation have not impeded the device in any of the settings; the ability to maintain stimulation at the brink of orgasm but deny release worked flawlessly.

Currently the device has been set to maintain a state of constant orgasmic sensations. It has proved successful in keeping her cycling orgasms far beyond her previous capabilities. Findings are more than pleasing, with the vibrators able to change the pattern and positioning on the clitoris directly, maintaining the optimal level of stimulation without desensitizing the subject. With the added effects of the dildo also implemented, the responses have been greater than previously seen. The subject has so far been able to promise that she will take part in whatever study we desire so long as the devices are removed from her, stating that the orgasms are too intense. Since that time, approximately 20 minutes ago, the subject has made no coherent communication besides extended screams of climax. This researcher requests further study, for now though I shall simply continue with test subject 0073 in this state in order to see how long it takes until unconsciousness.

#johneros #john eros #story #pleasuretorture #test subject

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kbandtrash · 2 years

Text

SVT Feels (Hip Hop Unit)

~Rachel~

I've been possessed so. Here you go. Essentially just an aspect of what I think it would be like in a relationship with them (all fluff)

Masterlist

Not sure where to put the cut but aren't they doing it automatically now so does it matter

S.Coups

He can sleep next to you and it’s a miracle to him

And even when he can’t he just feels so peaceful and grateful that he feels well-rested

After a long day and a meal together it’s ~bed time~

Which of course involves holding hands and giggling as you run to your bedroom and shut the door behind you

Under the covers and he has his arms wrapped around you like you’re a pregnancy pillow or something

His head on your chest and he just snuggles into you

Your hand in his hair and he’s out like a light

Even though it’s not technically ”””doing something together””” it is most certainly quality relationship building time

In the morning he’s nice and warm and you can consciously enjoy being wrapped up together

And sometimes you fall asleep again

But like still

Are there any other thoughts than “I love this”

I think not

How lucky are you to love each other this fittingly

Sometimes it’s falling asleep holding hands

Sometimes it’s on your sides curled up into his chest

That’s when he plays with your hair and kisses your forehead and tells you about all of the things that happened today and how much he thought about you

It’s a low talking voice at the beginning and barely a whisper as he’s letting sleep take over

Wonwoo

Perhaps. A little too respectful

You gotta remind him sometimes like “hey you know you’re allowed to touch me if you want to”

And he just gets so embarrassed like “yeah I know”

He’s sneaky and quiet about showing affection

He’s kinda shy so he doesn’t want to draw too much attention even when it’s literally just the two of you

Sometimes you don’t even notice until he’s long gone that he did something

Like 5 minutes later oh! That was a kiss on the cheek

It almost feels to him maybe that you’re still kinda forbidden ground

And so every time he does try something it feels risky and rebellious and special

But if you make moves then he’ll totally follow your lead because then it feels like he’s been given permission

He’s also kind of afraid that if he acted on every impulse he had then he would be too much

It’s not a lack of interest at all he’s just still in the phase of not wanting to scare you away

Like you have to make every step at least five times before he’ll try it himself

And even then he’s nervous about it

He’ll get there though don’t worry

For now though you just have to catch him staring at you with a lovestruck little smile

Mingyu

Tall but small

Extra clumsy and that ends up with a lot of unintentional physical contact

He doesn’t realize you’re behind him so he almost knocks you over

And then he catches you and has to check you all over to make sure you’re okay

Extremely well meaning but awkward

He’s articulate if you give him the time to be

But on the spot he’s the human equivalent of a keyboard spam

If you look at him the right way he is rendered entirely incapable of speaking coherent words

He’s fun to tease because he takes everything seriously until he figures it out

After that he either gets sulky (to which the cure is an apology and a kiss on the forehead)

Or he gets too giggly to tease you back

Every once in a while he can come back with an oddly specific zinger

Never anything mean but like how in comics a speech bubble will stab a person

He always puts things way too low for him to be able to see later because he doesn’t want to put anything too high for you

Like babe there’s a stepstool for a reason

Puppy boy just responds no don’t strain yourself

And keeps forgetting that he’s tall

Vernon

He knows your name he really does

He just never uses it

Instead it’s babe and dude and some shortened version of your name and for some reason I think he might use doll

This is true likewise as well

He thinks he’s in trouble if you ever call him by his name

His very favorite that you call him is love

If you need him to do anything then just call him love and he is done for

That’s one you use sparingly though so it never loses its effect

You don’t quite want him to get used to

If he gets used to it then you’re scared he’ll stop physically melting whenever you say it

You call him love and you can see his mood lift

This little smile grows on his face and he turns into dough

And if he stopped doing that

Then what?

What then?

What would you do without a way to turn him into a soft shy cuddly boy on demand?

Cry probably

He has caught onto this but he’s not mad or anything

He just wants a way to do it to you too

In his quest for the soft shy cuddly gf button he has come up with an absolutely wild variety of nicknames

And it kinda works though lol

Vocal Unit

#seventeen #svt #hip hop unit #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #svt x reader #svt soft hours #s.coups #wonwoo #mingyu #vernon

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fluffypotatey · 6 months

Note

any tips and tricks for getting into the writing zone?

ok so i have 2 methods and they depend on what i'm writing on: story writing and essay writing (waring: this is a mini-ramble)

with essay writing,

get mad, get super fucking mad, write that shit with spite flowing in your veins. even when i'm writing essays and stories i enjoy, i drag my feet.

i whine and complain like a toddler in my head because despite this topic being one i enjoy, putting my excited tones and rambling into coherent words always tends to feel like i'm butchering that (which is why academic papers should simply let me swear in them and use the 1st pov bc it is sO easy and my thoughts flow a lot better but noooOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo, i have to be formal and proper and-)

also, outlining. fucking godsend with essays. it's why a lot of my longer essays have headings bc i use them to outline and keep my thought on one line of thought bc i have a rambling issue (which is then easily solved with parentheses, my beloved)

with story writing (notice how this is basically a heading? good job! you've found my mini outline for this reply! have a cookie 🍪)

i find that jotting down that scene that is nagging at your brain immediately is super helpful. and do it even if you're now writing out of order. pro-tip: writing out of order is THE best, endorphins be going crazy bc you're actually not fighting with your brain with the story but writing alongside your brain-map.

personally, i find it very difficult outlining a story (how contrary) because sometimes my mind changes ideas or switches the order of scenes, and it is exhausting trying to keep up with all of that in your outline. but i guess, my "outline" with stories is simply me jotting down a very quick summary of the plot that invaded my mind in one document, never touching it again, but staying true to it because i wrote it down. therefore, it exists no longer in the recesses of mind but it a physical statement/promise to complete.

also (this advice goes for both story and essays) it is ok to take a break, step back, and not look at your writing for some hours, days, weeks, months, years--fucking whenever.

my midterm essay? a fucking nightmare. loved the topic, would write something similar about it for fun, but the reason it took me so long to complete (and why i dragged my feet) was because of the "short" timeline i had to complete it. i felt like i was on a time crunch and that led to me procrastinating, stressing over it, and taking my grand old time researching for it. however, when i was able to work on it? i allowed myself to simply do as much as i could. if i was unable to look at that stupid document, i didn't look at it. if my mind had a really good thought or example for the topic rotating in my head? immediate sit down and get that thought onto the paper. it must exist.

i have fics sitting in my folders that have been unfinished in so long, but i still consider them as wips because (and here’s another subpart-advice) i tend to work on them when i am unable to touch my current work. to be frank, working on something else helps keep you in the writing zone even if you cannot stand to look at the blank/unfinished work you wanted to complete originally. when i was incapable of writing for the Monkie Destiny Challenge, i switched to working on writing and editing my teen wolf fic (a fic i had not looked at since July) because while i still had that itch to write, something was blocking me from completing the prompts. and when i switched fics, getting into the zone was a lot easier.

so, to recap:

when jumpstarting the writing zone for writing an essay, you get passionate (can be read as mad/spiteful), and outline your thought process of the essay with headings to keep the writing flow flowing (the headings do not need to stay in the final product but they are good to have in the draft) .

when jumpstarting story writing, write! that! shit! down!!!! chronological order doesn't mean shit when you're in the planning/writing phase. your readers don't have to know that you wrote/planned a character's death before writing/planning out the beginning. they just read it in the order you publish it in!

to keep the writing zone stable and in working condition, TAKE THOSE BREAKS BOO! who cares about your personal deadlines???? if you feel exhausted before opening up a doc, then take that break, babygirl. again, your reader(s) will not need to know (nor do they need to know) how long it took you to get your writing piece done. hell, if you still feel the itch to write but the thing you wanna do is not working, then work on something else you haven't touched in a while because that itch WILL get its scratch somewhere, so help me god.

so yeah, i hope this was helpful, anon (and coherent jfc there better not be a plethora of typos T^T). happy writing, and may your weekend be a healthy dose of eventful!

#you know #this answer was supposed to be short #i was gonna simply say 'get mad. let the spite flow through you' as like a funny #but then i was like 'no. anon deserves an honest answer bc writing is hard and a fucking trial which i struggled/still struggle with.'#so now you have a long (rambly) answer that i do hope is helpful #another miscellanious tip: playing music/white noise can be great in helping just have something to block out your negative selftalk #or go to your public library (or local cafe if library is closed like mine today)#and simply put on your headphones to have that same white noise muffle feel #me? i personally play nature sounds with some kind of background music (rainfall is me fav tho) and have that on the lowest sound setting #whilst in a library; however currently i have been listening to Mexican Cat audio as my white noise and it has been the best #no bad thoughts #only brainworms #also: a friend of mine once told me that i should treat my school essays like the metas i write for fun and i have never been the same #i write metas because when i notice cool stuff in media i have to shout it out to the world #my thoughts on the intricacies behind my blorbos' motivations and turmoil AND the authors' intend MUST be heard goddammit or i will go mad #i thank that friend almost everyday for that. changed my worldview on writing #asks #writing advice #an essay #now to outline my final paper #anonymous

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marengogo · 1 year

Text

7 Nation Army - Part 1: Welcome On Board of The Idyll, I’m Your Captain; Kim Seokjin

The Astronaut - by Jin [The Astronaut - Single]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I started tearing up the instant I wrote the title of this post and then tears started pouring the second I wrote “The Astronaut …”. I swear, I’m trying so hard to make this post coherent, but I can’t stop crying so please, forgive me if it makes less sense than it usually does. I really was hoping that I’d feel calm today, because I knew, I could already tell, that writing about Jin was going to trigger me. But, I’m now realising that trying to hold off from crying yesterday just meant that I was going to be a mess right now. Fuck me honestly; this is going to be very raw and probably very long, so be warned.

“7 Nation ARMY” was (still is) supposed to be a series talking about the members' individual journeys in chapter 2. I chose a watercraft for each member and it took me forever to figure out which one to associate to Jin, as I couldn’t quite tell the direction he was taking in his chapter 2, in the end I chose a narrowboat (in case you don’t know —> this is a NARROWBOAT). Narrowboats always give me this feeling of calm. As they travel slowly, I’ve always felt that those who have one are people who take their time to enjoy life. They may not be the most beautiful type of ships out there, in fact they look a bit awkward at first, but their insides are usually always spectacular.

However, now I know why it took me forever to understand what ship was mostly suited to our dear Jin, it was never a watercraft after all, it was a spaceship all along (which in hindsight he has left to probably go and get the narrowboat I was talking about, so I guess he can have both?! …). Kim Seokjin had always been the grandiose captain of a majestic spaceship. Yet, we only have maybe only 1 month left to follow the journey of the Idyll and I don’t know what to do with myself. NGL, I feel like Makoto in the Girl Who Leapt Through Time at the very end.

I believe I’ve explained this before but Namjoon was the first member I “clinged” on when I decided to give BTS a chance, because of his love for study, languages etc. Eventually, as I started to fall more and more into becoming ARMY, and before becoming OT7, I had a very long pit-stop in the world of Kim Seokjin.

I spent months trying to find reactors who would appreciate Jin. Trying to find people who realised how smart he is, how conceding he is, how serious he is. As for me at first it was the realisation that he was the funniest member of the group. Not the member who laughed the most (Hobi), not the member who tried to make the members laugh the most (Jimin), simply the funniest member of the group.

Usually, genuinely funny people try to make anyone in their radius laugh, not just the members, friends, or people they care about. If anyone around them is able to smile because of something they’ve said or done, then they would feel accomplished. To delve even deeper, let's look at comedians, because to make someone laugh as a profession is far much harder than making someone cry. Usually, as a comedian you use personal absurd events, sadness and tragedies to try and reach others, so that they can either feel better about themselves or just not have to think of themselves for a minute or two.

I’ve learned to become a life comedian because of my experience in life, my dad was my inspiration number one. Everywhere he went people would always laugh, always be happy, he’d take very shit stories of his life and turn them into the funniest jokes you’ve ever heard and as a child I always thought “when I grow up, I want to marry someone that is as funny and smart as dad” not smart and funny, but funny and smart. Because you also have to be hella smart and clever to understand how to be funny and what lines you can cross in order to make a joke and hopefully not offend, resulting in the opposite of what you intended to achieve. But I digress as always.

All of this just to explain why the phrase There’s often pain in laughter is so true. But you know what is also true? When you are genuinely able to make people laugh around you, like anyone, not just people that know you, it makes you feel so freaking good, because you’ve connected and helped that person forget worries, even if for just a little bit, which is why being a successful comedian is a rewarding job in the sense that when done successfully it is an instant give & take. And as we may, or may not know, Jin wasn’t the happiest of people right from the bat.

Here is a nice compilation that shows the relation/balance between Jin, Joking & Being Happy:

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And here is just a more in depth video about somethings you may or may not know about Jin

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I will not lie, having people constantly compare him to other members with regards to dancing or rapping was so hard, SO FUCKING HARD, and every once in a while I'd get the dumbass mf who would challenge his singing and I’d lose it, like, BITCH HOW DARE YOU?!

LOL. Even writing about him brings me joy and laughter, until I stop and think of the present and start tearing up again. The present. Trying to make this present into a present is kinda hard and bitter at the very moment, but in his very jinful way he did leave us a little present: WOOTTEO!

I’m hoping that Woottweo, among the many things he was designed to do, will keep us up-to-date on how Jin is doing in the military; “yeah, right, how?” As I've said, I’m very raw writing this and I just keep throwing up all that I am thinking 😭😭😭. On another note, it would be so interesting for RJ to meet Wootteo. I think it would be rather interesting. Is not quite as similar as having different mothers but so much different isn’t it? RJ and Wootteo would be like step-siblings, but in the end it wouldn’t be about the fact that they share the same thing in common, it would be about what they do with what they share in common; right?

Now, I’m not so sure I should mention this, because I’ve been trying to keep a couple of things to myself, but I think in order to understand my next point you probably need to know that I love Coldplay. I was in high school when I first heard Trouble. I was so captivated by the production and not knowing the name of the band and just memorising the song I kept on going with my day. Now I can’t remember if Yellow or Trouble came first, but all I know is that I keep seeing Yellow’s video with Trouble’s lyrics in my head 😂.

With the passing of years, I’ve ended up loving, so much so that, even though my all time favourite band is Queen, if I ever get married, the song would be their “Til Kingdom Come”. But, all of this just to let you know that this, THIS is not only a full circle moment for me, but also a “I AM SO HAPPY YOU BOTH MET MOMENT” moment, because you are both so amazing (you should have seen me during the whole My Universe Era, and even when they covered Fix You to begin with!). I mean look at him:

Then, many many MANY years, I had to, once again, change country and for the first 6 months of me living alone in this new world, all I did was listen to Coldplay’s discography for 6 months in a row, non-stop, in order to feel peace and serenity. This was the year 2012 and BTS were still grinding in a gym, with cloudy mirrors in Gangnam, South Korea.

Eventually I adapted, I got back to studying Japanese, easily I have a big mouth making friends and being my usual goofy self. I started exploring new music and living my life in my new world, where ARASHI was once again my pillar. Untill one day, in 2019, a “chinese group” named BTS was going to perform in my new world, while ARASHI was going to go on indefinite hiatus. I was so bitter, so angry, and as I watched this 7 “chinese” men taking over my world, I looked up at the big screen where their huge Hyundai AD was playing and I thought: “Who the fuck do they think they are?” Fast forward February 2020, I finally got my answer: “They are your saviours, bitch”.

So here I am, a whole thanks to them survived pandemic and depression later, being able to smile and properly cry because of 7 men, but feeling a complete wreck because of 1.

“I love you, to infinity and beyond, my loud thinker, Kim Seokjin,

I respect you, in ways you can’t imagine, my handsome comedian, Kim Seokjin,

I’ll miss you, o so freaking much, my almost bias, Kim Seokjin

AND I’ll be waiting, Till Kingdom Comes, my one and only, Kim Seokjin”

You better come back to me all in one piece in 2024/2025, if not, all hell will break loose,

Marengo.

#BTS 7 Nation ARMY #Jin #Kim Seokjin #Idyll #Jin's Spaceship

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monstrousparalysis · 1 year

Note

ooooo please elaborate abt your roman + ryker thoughts!! i'm very intrigued (also, you come up with ship names so fast haha)

Sorry for answering this a little late, I just needed to make sure I was in the right headspace to both Have Thoughts about these guys and also make them coherent! Oh and just so you know, I actually didn't come up with Restoncest as a shipname for them that fast, I've just been thinking about them for long enough that I came up with a shipname for them a little while ago and now I finally have an opportunity to tell people about it!

But anyways! Them! They just make such a fun little pair to mash together and watch what happens! They're so sweet, they love each other so much, and Ryker's so protective of Roman, it's all so! Yes! Not to mention the moments from canon that I like to joke about too, like- I am incapable of hearing Roman say "I don't mind being called papa's boy" in a normal way ever again. I mean, I'm incapable of being normal about most of this series, but that especially. And we can't forget "This guy's like the strongest dude I know! I mean, besides my daddy." Objectively, those are plenty normal lines, but also my shipping goggles are stuck to my face for them now. (oh, and me noticing Terrence's reaction to both lines didn't help lmao. Next time you rewatch episode six, look at him when Roman says those lines, it's so funny to me-)

And of course, there's the angst potential too >:3 Look at how hard Ryker is trying to be a good dad and tell me that he wouldn't be so guilty over any attraction to Roman. Or you could also do the exact reverse, look at how much Roman wants to make his dad proud and tell me he wouldn't tear himself up about his feelings! They each hold the other's opinion of them so highly and it helps give them Even More Guilt™ in this situation and it's great.

Oh, and lastly, lemme just leave you with a concept that I just like thinking about with them: Ryker teaching Roman how to handle and fight with a sword. There's just so much you can do with one simple idea and it's all so great. Maybe someday I'll have to write out a whole post about all the different things you could do with just that idea, it's so fun, but as for right now, I'll just let you have your own thoughts about it first.

Thanks so much for sending me this ask and giving me an excuse to rant about them on main, I enjoyed it! Hope you like my more surface level, coherent thoughts about them!

#rem's ramblings #questions for this bastard #roleslaying with roman #roman of reston #rswr roman #ryker of reston #rswr ryker #restoncest

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writtenbyevie · 1 year

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ik it's kinda late... but... can i send you some elemental asks? 🥺

if yes, pls answer me water 💦, rock 🪨, spirit 👻, and fire ❤️‍🔥

if no, then pls take this heart and enjoy your day 💝

it's never too late for asks ✨!!

I'd like to think we are all lying on the floor of a blanket fort together in a sugar comas just talking aimlessly 💖 time does not exist in the metaphorical slumber party

but anywho, the elemental asks 💫

water: how long have you been writing?

I've been writing since I was a little kid (mostly original work until this past year)! Part of my love for it I think comes from my dad. He's a quadriplegic, so we bonded a lot through words. We'd make up songs together, watch movies, and read books a lot. He'd also always tell me the most elaborate, zany, bedtime stories (often half asleep) that we still reference to this day. Combine that with my very, very overactive imagination, obsession with reading, and general curiosity and you get a nine year old writing short stories with a glitter pen on the swing set during recess.

rock: how do you deal with writer's block?

It depends on the type of block. If I lack interest in writing, I've found listening to music or reading something similar to the piece I'm working, while sat at my desk helps. (I primarily try to write there versus my bed. It makes it easier for me to switch my brain into sport mode 🧠🖊️) Walks are also really nice. Get out of the shame loop that I'm not being productive, which only makes things worse. I've found giving myself the opportunity to create without forcing myself is what tends to help me the most.

Now, if I want to write, but my brain says nahhh, I'll do some of the aforementioned stuff, but my main trick is to brain dump. I just put random words on the page related to what I'm trying to say and piece them together into sentences. Literally just words. They don’t even have to be coherent yet. I do it until I can slowly put together the puzzle of my own thoughts.

In the end I think my best advice for writer's block comes from theatre teacher I had who once told me when I was stuck on a scene, "to just write it badly."

Write it badly. At least you wrote. No one can craft empty space into anything, but you can work a surprisingly amount of magic on a pile of shit.

spirit: what's the best compliment you've ever received on your writing?

my beloved isa asked me this earlier!! (tldr: when people think I could be published, or have a strong emotional reaction to my work ✨)

fire: what's a scene you're dying to write?

oh man SO many for star-stitched, which is the sakuatsu fic I'm currently developing.

I know I probably shouldn't do this, but here's a dialogue exchange between Kiyoomi and Atsumu that was part of the inspiration for the star-stitched. I wrote this MONTHS AGO on my phone. I cannot WAIT to write the full scene surrounding this exchange. I'm not providing any context cuz spoilers, but all you need to know is Atsumu has been hurt emotionally and some out of character soup on Kiyoomi's end is involved.

Atsumu: will ya just stop with this bein' nice shit?

Kiyoomi: (slamming a kitchen cabinet) For fucksake, I am not being nice. I am incapable of nice. I've been called many things in my life, ranging from mildly complimentary to completely condemning of my character. But nice? Nice has never been one of them. Now honest? That I have always been. First and foremost, I am called honest. At the end of day, sometimes that is all I have. All I can call my own. I am honest. And you do not get to take that away from me because the truth is incongruent with your baseless self-loathing. Fuck you! I am not nice. I am honest. Your crocs give you cankles; your cologne is too strong; you've never known the meaning of an indoor voice. You are crass and loud and incorrigible and impulsive and beautiful and kind and funny and brilliant and unequivocally and irrefutably deserving of love. I am not fucking nice. I am unabashedly honest and undeniably right. And I will stand here and scream at you, until you believe me.

Atsumu: That may take a while. And you aren't known for your patience.

Kiyoomi: But I am renowned for my resilience. I will not relent. I will not give up. I will not abandon you. I will win. You are worthy of love at a minimum, Miya Atsumu, and there will never be a maximum. Now eat your fucking soup.

ANYWHO!!

like usual, I ended up rambling. thank you so much for the ask cat. I am sprinkling love on your head like its pixie dust ✨💖

#asks #featuring a sneak peak of some sakuatsu content at the end!!#writing asks #writers block #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writing #sakuatsu #ao3 #hq ao3 #evie’s jeevies

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daedalusdavinci · 1 year

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im just gonna spitball fic ideas here bc i dont have any rn and i wanna see if this helps me brainstorm

i kinda feel like writing bruharv, but i also feel like i write literally so much bruharv all the time and im kind of sick of being That Guy? it feels like im incapable of doing anything else or something. but i also dont really have any concrete ideas besides vague feelings that are about as coherent as mashing two barbie dolls together and saying “now kiss”

on that note though, i could revisit bruharv as it stands in the jdau, but i dont think theres a lot to say right now. i think i covered it all in lost days. there probably wont be more to say about it until after jason tells them hes back, and then itll be getting into more of the [spoilers] betrayal stuff and harvey and 2f taking the confession completely differently from bruce and how that feeds into the divorce arc and how insufferable they are. btu i still havent really figured out how i want to write jason telling harvey and 2f in particular, and i kinda think i dont want to write it, and just want to skip forward until after? the dick and jason fic was almost impossible to write particularly bc of shit im going thru irl rn and ik that fic would be harder. maybe ill just do that and pick up with a fic of what their relationship is starting to shape into post rh. should proooobably finish reading damians comics first tho and maybe some of cass’s (i might not bother reading any n52 ones, given that almost everything so far has been 100% preboot characterizations)

on a DIFFERENT note but still bruharv related, i could indulge that little voice in the back of my head that wants me to dig my fingers into full on btas characterization with judge and hardac!bruce and the full mess. i dont know what id do with it though i just have a lot of feelings about both of them

setting aside all of that,

im still thinking about that detective eddie/brce au. i just picked up a bunch of detective books from the library yesterday so ill probably read those over the weekend and then maybe ill finally hammer out some kind of plot. but thats not gonna be until this weekend and in the meantime ??? i have a lot of thoughts about like the kinds of people they are and the kinds of characters and the bakcground characters in this au but no plot and augh. maybe i should bend someones ear and just rant characters for a while and see what happens

i also mentioned ages ago that i was thinking abt a pjo au where nico brings jason bck from the dead and leo is heavily involved and shit and i still think that that would be sick asf but id have to reread all of pjo to do it probably and rn my reading list consists of detective novels, then asoue, THEN maybe pjo, so god honestly knows when/if ill get around to it. its also like. when i came up w this idea i was in a place where the vibes w my writing was very much melancholy and bittersweet and heavy on the death and rn im uhhh not in that place as much anymore im struggling to figure out what direction i want to go in instead

maybe ill go back to my roots andjust start writing fluffy pjo fics again. REALLY return to the roots. just garbage nonsense fics. idk.

i wish i had the braincells to write something hs but i dont and i havent in ages and theres a million reasons for that but ill probably try and reread a few of my older fics soon and well see what comes out of that

anyway thats about where my head is at rn lolll i dont expect anyone to have read this but if you have thoughts i wouldnt mind hearing them it helps to feel like im not talking to air sometimes

#tbd

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