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hier--soir · 5 months

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a lover's pinch | six

joel miller x f!reader

pairing: professor!joel miller x f!reader rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni summary: joel and rachel have dinner. a confession is made. warnings/tags: au, university professor joel, age gap [20 something years diff], ethically dubious relationship due to inherent power imbalance, JOEL POV, sexting/nudes, joel has bad restaurant etiquette lmao, descriptions of arousal, references to past smut, the guilt and shame that sometimes go so neatly hand in hand with wanting, miller daughter cameo, mild angst, discussion of a car accident. word count: 4.8k series masterlist | main masterlist a lover's pinch playlist a/n: just a reminder that this is set within ALP5, when joel goes to have dinner w rachel. just a short little peek into my beloved professor’s mind, and some context between j & r. hope you like it x follow @hier--soirupdates if you'd like to be notified when i share my writing this is part six of ALP. you can read the previous parts here: one, two, three, four, five.

Sunday.

“Nina thinks it’ll rain tomorrow. Overcast too, probably.”

There’s a faint hum through the phone as she speaks. A vague buzz that crackles and pops in almost every beat of silence. Not for the first time, Joel wishes she would let him buy her a new phone.

A gust of wind whips against his face and he cringes, turning his back against the draft.

“Okay,” he replies. “That’s okay, right?”

“It’s fine,” she grumbles. “Wanted to take you to this bar, though. They do these tacos we love. Nina says it’s the best Mexican place in New York.”

“Now how many times do I have to tell you there’s no good Mexican food in New York?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Joel can practically hear her rolling her eyes. He chuckles.

“What time are you coming ‘round?” Ellie asks. “I’ll be in the studio for most of the day, but we normally get home around five. Could do dinner around eight?”

Joel hesitates, and then raises his voice to be heard over the rushing wind. “I was actually thinkin’ I’d come see your studio.”

A moment of humming, crackling silence.

“I’d love to see some of your work,” he continues, peering in through the window of the restaurant. He thinks he can see Rachel through the frosted glass – her mess of dark curls vaguely visible, tucked away somewhere in the corner of the space. He hears Ellie breathing through the phone as he looks. “And s’been too long since you showed your old man any of your paintings.”

“Joel,” she huffs, and it’s that smartass, pained tone that has him grinning wider than anything she’s said up until this point.

It’s few and far between lately – hearing that name coming from her mouth. Joel. Something that’s been intermittent for almost a decade, and has been steadily decreasing since she moved to New York five years ago.

Joel, Dad, Joel, Dad, Joel, Dad.

Joel for years, and then one day—Dad.

It was Summer; Ellie was eighteen and he was thirty-nine, and this word that he’d grown so accustomed to hearing suddenly felt like a fist squeezing around his heart. It became something new, something different. Because Joel knew that, for her, family had always meant mistrust. Had always meant loneliness. Knew that sometimes her childhood felt like a knife stuck in her throat, and on those days, she had to decide whether to leave it in and stem the blood flow, or pluck out the blade and watch everything turn red.

And then one day, years on, it seemed that she’d drawn that dagger enough times. The blood stopped, the mistrust fell away, and—Dad.

Dad to Sarah and now, finally, Dad to Ellie.

“Ellie,” he imitates her tone, well-versed in mirroring her attitude after so many years of practice.

A voice rears up directly behind him and Joel stiffens, glancing over his shoulder to watch a couple exit the restaurant. Coat collars dragged up to protect their necks, arms linked as they smile and start down the street. He imagines Rachel sitting inside, alone, and his smile falters. He knows he should go back in soon, but can’t quite bring himself to cut this short.

“Yeah, okay,” Ellie answers finally, and he can feel the weight that rests in those words.

The admission, but also everything that goes unsaid alongside it. A silent acknowledgement of years spent reading between the lines, trying to know each other; years of her locking her bedroom door, hiding her journals, her artbooks, her pencils. Anything to keep someone else from seeing the way she expresses herself – from understanding that she feels anything. And this yeah, okay – well, it’s as close to I love you as the two of them ever get.

Joel says, “I’ve been missin’ you, kiddo.”

And she says, “I know.”

More silence. More contemplation of how to respond, how to keep emotions level when he is not Joel in this moment, but Dad.

Plucking out the blade.

“Ten tomorrow morning. I’ll send you the address,” Ellie says after a while. “Don’t be late or I’m not showing you shit, old man.”

Heat blasts his face when he steps back inside the restaurant. He tugs his jacket off as he wanders his way toward their little corner table inside San Vecchio—old saint. A small Italian place that Rachel likes to visit whenever she’s the city, and has slowly but surely grown on him.

When he gets close enough to see the table his stomach drops, face twisting into something apologetic as he lowers himself into his chair.

“Shit,” Joel mutters, staring at their food. Brought out while he was on the phone, sitting untouched; she didn’t even pick up her fork in his absence. A shameful heat rises in his face. “I’m sorry, Rach.”

“Hon,” she just laughs him off. “It’s okay, it only just came out.”

He nods, grateful, and lets her pour him a generous glass of wine. Red. A bottle of the Carignan, please, he remembers her telling the waiter. Although, when he takes a sip, he can’t tell the difference between this and the twenty-dollar cabernet he buys once a fortnight from the grocer.

They press the lips of their glasses together and murmur soft calls of cheers and another conference done, the words all but swallowed up by the raucous sounds around them.

“How is she then?” she prompts, never able to tame her curiosity.

“Ellie?” Joel’s eyebrows jut up, and he sets his wine glass down. “Good, yeah, good. It was nice to hear her voice, I, uh, I’ve missed too many of that kid’s calls over the past few months.”

Rachel nods, and when she smiles his chest feels a little lighter, because it’s the type of smile that says it’s okay, everything is okay, you’re a good dad, you took the call. And she has always had that kind of soothing effect on him, since the day he met her all those years ago. There’s this compassion to her character; a warmth akin to that of a sister. Smarter than hell and kinder than she’s ever been given credit for.

“Are you seeing her while you’re in town?”

“Mhm, tomorrow.”

“Well, that will be lovely,” she beams and takes a sip of her wine. Carignan stains her mouth. “Is she still with Nina?”

“She is.”

“God, that must be, what, four years they’ve been together now? That’s great, Joel.”

“I’m happy for her,” he smiles, gripping his fork. “They’re renting out this art studio together at the moment – Nina’s an artist too, did I—?”

“Yeah, you told me.”

“Yeah, they’ve been using the space to work on some new stuff. Ellie was tellin’ me ‘bout this gallery downtown, how they’ve offered her some exhibit space. Gonna have a show down there in March.”

“Wow, that sounds amazing,” Rachel’s eyebrows raise, top lip quirking into a soft smirk as she twirls her fork through a mess of red pasta. “Do you think they’ll get married? Follow in Sarah and Tim’s footsteps?”

Joel can’t help but laugh at the idea. He tries to imagine Ellie and Nina in a chapel, or on a beach, or anywhere, professing their love for one another with friends and family watching on. Tries to imagine Ellie, all tattoos, messy hair, and gangly arms, tucked into a suit or a dress. The image doesn’t come easily.

“I don’t really think they’re the type,” he admits, and Rachel laughs too then.

“No,” she agrees. “I guess not.”

She asks more questions about the girls, the way she always does. Asks about Sarah’s job at the primary school, if teaching is all she thought it would be.

And something like halfway through their meal, around a mouthful of food, Rachel says, “You know I’m glad we’re here, because I need to ask you something.”

Joel’s hands still, face going slack as he meets her eye. There’s something conniving in them. Something sly in the way she smiles, baring her teeth at him. It makes his stomach twist into a tight, burning knot. What does she know?

“Okay,” he says slowly, lowering his knife.

“So,” she hums. “At the conference yesterday…”

“Yeah?” he rasps, blunt nails digging into his thigh beneath the table.

“I couldn’t ask you about it because I didn’t want anyone to overhear us, but… did you see what Professor Neilson was wearing? That blazer?”

“Jesus,” he deflates.

“Oh, come on,” she sputters, and there’s lipstick stained on her front teeth and he finds himself smiling too, relaxing.

“You’re a filthy gossip, you know that?” he raises an eyebrow.

She grins back at him. Winks and says, “Don’t act like you don’t love it, Miller.”

So, for an hour they eat, and talk, and drink. Don’t stop until their cheeks are sore from smiling and their ribs are tight and aching from laughter.

With full bellies and rosy cheeks, they scrape their plates clean. Lips purse and pucker around final sips of wine, and then… and then Rachel reaches across the table and places her hand atop his.

And Joel has never noticed that she has sunspots across her knuckles. Never noticed that she wears a ring on her pinkie finger, one with a dark emerald stone in the middle. Never noticed the thin white scar beside the nail on her index. She squeezes his hand, the pad of a finger skimming his wrist, and he remembers how he held someone else’s wrist only hours before this. Felt her skin beneath his fingers – the frailty of the tendons and veins beneath it, swimming with life as his thumb pressed down.

Joel feels his eye twitch. Works to keep his face relaxed, calm. And when she leaves her hand there, he laughs a little. A choked, wary sound. Turns his hand over so his knuckles are against the table and his palm is against her palm and squeezes once in return. Rachel isn’t smiling anymore.

“You okay, Rach?”

“Do you…” she pauses, mouth twisting into a shy smile as she clears her throat. Joel feels something heavy settle in his stomach. A type of dread that curdles and burns like red sky at morning. “Do you remember when Sarah was in that car accident a few years back?”

Joel swallows. Her hand feels too warm against his, her palm tacky with sweat.

“We were… we were at work, and… and Tim called you and told you she was in the hospital—”

He almost cringes at the memory. Her husband’s name flashing across his phone screen during a lecture. Stomach churning and why is Tim calling me, heart racingand Tim never calls. Remembers hearing those panicky breaths down the line and thinking Texas and Maine had never felt further apart than in that moment.

“You drove me to the airport,” he nods. His knuckles feel tight – he wants to pull his hand back and crack them. Wants to feel the joints pop beneath his skin, let the tension slip away like a sigh.

“You were so distraught,” Rachel sighs. “I’d never seen you like that. So uncomposed, so… chaotic.”

Joel huffs out an awkward laugh and tries to pull his hand back, but she squeezes harder. Keeps it in place beneath her own.

“What’s this all about?” his eyebrows furrow, face pinching into a sort of scowl. He can feel it, he can always feel it when his face does this. So unpleasant, so unwelcoming, and he knows it. Just never figured out how to stop it from happening.

“We were in the car,” she continues, and her eyes are so earnest now. So wide, the whites shining, her lashes darkened and fanned out around them in a way he’s never seen before. She’s wearing makeup. “And you didn’t even have a bag packed, you just wanted to get to your girl. Needed to see her with your own eyes, make sure she was okay.”

His jaw feels tight inside his head; teeth clenched painfully, digging into the gums around his molars as the memory plays in his mind.

Tim’s voice wavering, crying, she was unconscious when they pulled her out.

His hand is numb beneath Rachel’s. She’s fine, he reminds himself. Sarah’s fine, that was years ago.

“I think I knew then,” she says quietly.

“Knew what?” Joel tries to keep his voice level. Ignoring the odd feeling that twists in his chest and has his heart racing faster, so much faster than normal, faster than it has ever raced for Rachel.

“That I loved you.”

It’s almost dreamlike, the way everything seems to blur and fade around them after she says it. Or perhaps nightmarish is the right word. A sharp pain sparks between his ribs and he feels his body stiffen and then loosen all at once. Face, shoulders, hand beneath hers – everything softens. Fuck. His mouth tastes like sandpaper, tongue resting fat and gravelly against the roof of it as she stares at him.

When he doesn’t say a word, she says, “I’d always known you were so kind, so generous to the people around you. But to see the way you love? It’s… shit, Joel, I just knew.”

He’s convinced his throat is tightening.

“And I held it in all of these years, and I’m sorry for that. I was just never sure of how you felt, and you never tried anything with me, never hinted at any feelings. But after the conference yesterday...”

“The conference?” he whispers. He pictures that bench outside NYU. Remembers the nasty wind, an empty champagne flute on the ground, the side of his body going hot where it pressed against hers.

“Walking around that hall together,” Rachel smiles. “You kept holding your arm out for me to hold, and I thought, god, maybe this is it. Maybe you actually feel the same.”

Joel imagines that this must be what people describe as critical velocity. Everything that once was smooth turns turbulent. Every second, every minute, that he’s allowed himself to careen forward, wanton and reckless, on the deliciously destructive course he’s set for himself – all of it just for someone close to him to step directly into his line of fire.

And his silence is so painfully telling. He knows immediately when it’s been too long, too much quiet, too many seconds of nothing said, of no reassurances offered. The muscle in her jaw ticks, and a vertical line appears between pinched eyebrows. Confusion, surprise, hurt. Her hand pulls back, and he tucks his in his lap quickly.

“Oh,” she whispers. “Oh, shit.”

Joel is suddenly certain that he’s going to be sick. His hands shake beneath the table, a violent tap tap tap where they’re clasped against the inside of his thigh.

“Rachel—”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“Please, don’t apol—”

“I shouldn’t have said—”

“Rachel,” Joel’s voice raises, just a little, just enough to make her pause, enough for conversation at the table beside them to halt for a second. “If anythin’, I should be the one apologisin’.”

She laughs; a sad, quiet thing. Shakes her head at him.

“I guess I… somewhere in my head, I thought you knew,” Rachel says quietly. “Thought you….” The unspoken words hang in the air between them. Thought you felt the same.

And it hurts. His skin prickles at the sound of her voice; laced with pain, with rejection. Your fault, he thinks. That pain is your fault.

“Is there someone else?” she asks then, and her voice is so feeble. So small, so un-Rachel that it makes his chest feel tight. Your fault.

Joel sighs, cringes, fumbles for the right words. The words to explain something that he himself doesn’t even fully understand. Words that will make her feel better, that will put her at ease. Put him at ease.

“It’s not….” he trails off, half-prepared to lie. But then he meets her gaze. Sees the tears that have settled on her waterline and knows he can’t. Wants to hate her for asking, wants to beg her to take back the question. But in the end he just admits quietly, “I suppose there is.”

She sniffles, and when she speaks again, it almost sounds like a question.

“You never mentioned anyone.”

“I know,” Joel nods. “I’m sorry, I think I just… it’s complicated, and it… it’s new.”

“New,” she repeats softly. “And you never… you never thought of me that way.” This time it isn’t posed like a question. There is nothing open ended about it. Instead it’s resigned; final.

The corners of her mouth are downturned, and her lower lip wobbles, a movement so miniscule that he could have missed it if his eyes weren’t trained on her face. Trying painfully to understand this situation that feels as if it has crept up on him in his sleep.

“I’m sorry,” Joel finds himself saying again, and he thinks his eyes must be wide, unblinking, because they’re dry, and he feels panicked.

In his mind all he can think of is every cup of coffee in her office, every borrowed book, every sly joke in the corridor at work. Comforting smiles offered at conferences, snarky notes passed back and forth during faculty meetings. His friend. One of the truest, longest, most persevering ones in his life. One so dear to his heart. The idea of all of that being no more seems almost too painful to contemplate in the middle of a restaurant, with your fault thundering in his chest.

Rachel waves a hand. Feigns nonchalance and offers a watery smile.

“I’m happy for you, Joel,” she says. He doesn’t miss the waver in her voice, nor the harsh splash of crimson humiliation that stains the skin of her face. “I am. Really.”

Except he doesn’t know how to respond to that, doesn’t know what there is to be happy for. Can only watch her face. Can only sit, and stare like a fool at the way the skin beneath her eyes tightens as she draws back tears.

“I’m—” Rachel swallows. Sucks in a huge breath and flattens her palms against the table. Her napkin, stained with soft blots of red and brown, is pressed beneath the fingers of her left hand. The one with the sunspots and the ring and the scar. “Sorry, if you’ll excuse me for a minute, I’m going to use the restroom—”

“Rach,” he tries, hand reaching across the table for—for what? Joel isn’t sure. What is there to do? To say? “What can I do?”

“It’s okay,” she stands, holds a hand out to silence him. Steps out from the behind table and squeezes past him. Her fingers brush against his arm as she goes. “It’s fine, I’m fine, I just need a second to freshen up.”

Joel watches her weave through the restaurant, shifting around tables, until her back disappears through a door at the far end of the room.

There’s a minute of painful quiet. A sort of buzzing in his ears that won’t go away. For a moment all he’s aware of is the look of disdain coming from the woman on the table to his left, and the sharp pain in his chest, and then the sounds of the restaurant come rushing back in. Cutlery scraping against plates, conversation, laughter, the sound of a bell ringing. And something buzzing, really truly buzzing this time. Something against his leg.

Joel pulls his phone out of his pocket and tries not to wince when he sees her name on the screen.

Are you enjoying your dinner?

The glance he spares over his shoulder is short, searching, looking to see if she’s coming back yet. Don’t make this worse than it already is.

Yeah, the restaurant is nice.

What are you doing?

Well my bags are packed, and I just tucked myself into bed

Something tightens in his stomach, and he knows what she’s doing, knows this game so well. The way she always manages to creep beneath his skin. Knows exactly what to say, to do, to have him hanging on her every word.

His fingers hover over the screen, contemplating a response.

Is that right? he types out, and then grimaces, backspacing quickly.

Want some company? he types next.

“Christ,” Joel mutters under his breath, erasing that too.

Embarrassment itches across his body. And then guilt, like a tidal wave chaser rushing to cool his inflamed skin, as he notices Rachel walking back toward him. You fucking asshole.

He straightens in his seat, tucking his phone out of sight as she hovers beside the table, eyes darting between him and her empty chair. She doesn’t sit down again.

“I think,” she takes a deep breath. “I think I should probably go. Early flight to catch, you know? I need to get some rest.”

“Yeah,” he says quietly.

He can feel his mouth hanging open, dumbfounded, ridiculous, as his brain scavenges for something to say. Never the right words, never when he needs them. Not for her, and not for Rachel.

Rachel reaches for her purse, and he holds out a hand. “Hey, let me… I’ll cover this.”

She pauses, nods. “Thanks.”

“Course,” he says gruffly. She pulls her coat from the back of her chair, wraps it around herself and does the buttons up slowly. Her mascara is smudged. “Hey, Rach, can we… should we talk about this some more? I don’t want to—”

“Not tonight,” she interrupts sharply. “Please, Joel, I’m sorry, just…. not tonight.”

—lose you.

“Sure, okay.” His throat is tight, your fault lodged heavy against his Adam’s apple. “You need help to get a taxi?”

“I’m fine,” she places a hand lightly on his shoulder, and presses her thumb against the skin beneath his collarbone. “Get home safe, okay? We can talk in Maine.”

“In Maine,” he repeats, and the words split and sour inside his mouth. “Okay.”

He doesn’t watch her leave. Doesn’t want to have to see her retreating from him. Doesn’t want to think about if this will be the last time they get to do this.

The waiter returns and he pays the bill, hastily jotting down a generous tip, and offers the women at the table on his left a tight-lipped smile before standing up.

When he finally makes his way outside, he finds a tax idling by the curb, lights on. The driver notices Joel staring; rolls down the window and raises his eyebrows. Where to?

Joel only shakes his head a little, leans his back against the dank, cold brick wall behind him. He takes a deep, shuddering breath before opening his phone, and sends two words.

Show me.

And then, when she doesn’t respond for a moment, he sends another message. Insistent now. Desperate, and even more desperate not to let it show.

I know you want to show me, sweetheart.

And when she does show him, it takes all of his might not to let this guilt consume him. Takes everything not to ruminate on how quickly he can shift from I’m sorry to Show me.

Because her skin.

So much skin.

Soft, smooth; shrouded in a robe that covers more than he’d like, and he knows how it tastes. Knows how it feels. Could press his fingers, his lips, his nose, to every part of it that he’s touched, in the exact same places, from memory alone.

It’s cold outside – windy, the beginnings of tomorrow’s storm twisting through the air. He feels it snake across his neck, curl beneath the lip of his collar, as he takes in the curve of her breast, the stiff point of her nipple, peeking out from behind white fabric. His cock stiffens in his pants.

He gazes at the softest part of her stomach, the thatch of curls that cover her mound, and wants to press his palms against the plush of her thighs. Wants to lay himself atop her, feel that skin against his again, hear her whimper and moan beneath the broad weight of him as he slips inside her. Wants to snatch her finger from her mouth and glide it inside his own. With her slick and her skin against his tongue, he’d sink his teeth in and inhale that warmth, that beating, pulsating force that he’s found himself so intoxicated by.

And to think, only hours ago, he was doing just that. Lowering himself to the ground in a public bathroom and drinking her down. Feeling the muscles in her thighs pull tight and then loose against the sides of his head. Anything to satisfy the craving that only she seems to inspire in him.

Resolute, persistent – a probing, prodding thing that nips at his heels and thrusts him forward at a double time pace.

A hunger that follows him down the nights and down the days.

A hunger that can only ever be sated like the taking of a sacrament – on his knees, devotion in his eyes.

Jesus.

Are you wet?

You know I am.

Are you touching yourself?

Joel’s jaw tightens. He holds his breath and waits. Can’t quite tell what would be worse; knowing that she’s touching herself, alone, thinking about him, or that she isn’t, that she’s waiting for him. He can feel his cock leaking against his thigh.

No.

He exhales heavily, and the faintest hint of a groan slips out with it. Fuck, pull yourself together.

Joel’s fingers float over the keyboard, and for a moment he thinks of Rachel.

Thinks that if he could only bring himself to look up, to look away from her, he might be able to see Rachel still. The back of her coat, the dark scrawl of her hair, disappearing into the night. Joel thinks of the tears in her eyes, taunting him, threatening to spill spill spill, to streak down rosy cheeks and wet the hollow of her throat. Feels something throb and crack in his chest – a painful, resounding ache that hurts so much like fear, like loss.

Your fault, your fault, your fault.

And wouldn’t that be so much easier? If he were to look away, to chase his friend down the street and tell her that he was wrong, that he wants her, that it makes sense for them to be together. Wouldn’t it be easier if that were true?

But he doesn’t stop looking at her. He thinks of Pothos, of Himeros, and stares at the soft curve of her stomach, the indent of her belly button. Looks at the way her lower lip rests below her finger and pictures it swollen, slick with a medley of her spit and his. Even notices a small mark, nestled in the crevice between her hip and the top of her thigh. A fading remnant of where his teeth had once pinched – like a tangible little footprint, whispering that he was there.

Longing and desire flame between the cracks of his ribs; a bright white heat that curls itself around your fault until he manages to shake the thought.

What was it that Kaminsky said? There was no mythology: Odysseus hanged himself. Homer drank to death and stank of mud.

And perhaps he was right; for there is no witness to this. No being over his shoulder, God or mortal, to lay their eyes upon this moment and understand that all he has ever known of love is deprivation. That fondest, blindest, weakest part of his being that has always yearned for, or perhaps grieved over, this love that once seemed so intangible and now, at last, maybe he has been deemed worthy of.

Alone so long, living in a body grown accustomed to such quiet. Familiar with no touch other than that of his own rough palms. And now… the intensity of it shakes within him. The urge to sink his teeth in like a bad dog and hold, hold, hold, to consume and be consumed, and never yield to anyone who wants to take this away from him.

No, there is no looking away from that, from her. Joel feels the noose tighten around his neck the longer he stares – a dog on the leash of its own longing, that need only sharpening with every second that dares to pass.

And Joel knows that nothing has ever been easy. Considers the idea that maybe that’s how it was supposed to be for him. And perhaps he doesn’t want easy, doesn’t want simple. No – Joel was always drawn to the flame.

Good.

Dinner finished early. Where are you?

And that flame welcomes him now in kind. The arms of a lover spread open for embrace; the address of her hotel sent directly to his phone.

Joel looks up and makes eye contact with the taxi driver again. Light still on.

Where to?

**the Kaminsky mentioned in this is Ilya Kaminsky, and the quote is from Dancing in Odessa.

thank you for reading! x

#my writing #fic: a lover's pinch #professor!joel #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction

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kurogxrix · 1 year

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Fire Drill

Dad!Ao’nung x Sully!reader

IN WHICH yours and Ao’nung’s son is killed during Quaritch’s attack, but your family is here to help you pick up the pieces.

WC: 3.3k

warnings: ANGST, grief of a son and a brother, death, violence and gory injuries.

2 years. The little amount of time that you had been given before Quaritch and his team came to wreak havoc amongst your family once more. It seemed like your parents killing him once had not been enough, because his appearance made him look hungry for another death. Though you were all happy now, far away from the menace of his heavy ammo and the menacing gun that was slung upon his shoulder.

The first few weeks of living within the Metkayina had been so hard for you and your family. Between Lo’ak and Kiri being treated far worse for having human features, and the hard time you and your mother were having with fitting in with their traditions. The Tsahik had not been any softer on you despite the mistreatment that your family already faced. She despised your family of ‘demons’ and probably your mother too because she was affiliated and had children with one.

Your siblings and you had found comfort within the presence of the sweet Tsireya and Rotxo. Neteyam and yourself often found yourselves laughing quietly at your obviously in-love brother. Though you couldn’t make fun of him for too long, because you too had started developing something for the local Metkayina bully.

Something about his arrogance just made him so annoying yet attractive. Maybe it was his confidence, or the way he would tease you unrelentingly. Nevertheless, you just couldn't let anyone know of your silly crush for now, because if it fell upon the ears of the future olo’eyktan, you knew that he’d never let you live it down. Weeks had passed and your interest towards the boy could only grow more and more as the days passed by.

Though now, only with the teasing remarks of your family. Neteyam was always known for the keen eye that your mother had passed down to him, and it didn’t take long for him to notice the longing stares that you would send the rude boy. Long story short, he told Lo’ak and your little brother and his humongous mouth just couldn’t keep shut. To say that your mother was disappointed in your choice of men was an understatement, but she had allowed herself to fall in love with the person that she had wanted, so why couldn’t you?

Jake was…shocked to say the least. You had never audibly expressed your interest in any boy back at home, and here you were now. Though he knew that there was nothing that he could do to stop his 18 year old daughter from pursuing her heart's desires, because he had done so with Neytiri.

Your sisters had a calmer approach about the subject, rather asking you about it during some private gossip session that you had with them.

So after many months of hidden admiration spent, you still wondered how you had managed to end up under him in the middle of the forest behind their homes. Far from reach of everyone else, in the middle of the Metkayina mating grounds. His chests heaved up and down as he regained his breath, staring down at you with his stern lustful gaze.

An accidental confession and two young adults on the run from prying eyes was all it took for the both of you to run off and bond before eywa, queues intertwined with the feeling of love running thick through both of your veins. You’d laugh at yourself months ago if you had told yourself that you even had a chance with Ao’nung, but here you were now, mated for the rest of your lives.

The walk of shame felt rewarding in some way the next day, you had proved to Ronal and Tonowari that you feared them not, even if it meant being bonded to their son. Now you were all family, if they wanted it or not. Ao’nung and you had moved into your own private marui, and you were shoved into your mother’s loving embrace one last time as you packed your things and moved into your new home. Everything was perfect at first, a feast was soon established for the news of your mateship, and soon came another for the news of your bearing.

A baby, conceived through the love that you both shared. The endless nights that you both spent hidden away from the rest of the world, tightly squeezed in each other’s embrace as you slept the night off. Many were unaccepting at first, a demon hybrid and their future olo’eyktan? How absurd. But soon everyone calmed down, and time passed faster than you would’ve liked it to.

Fires spread throughout the whole village, heavy flames engulfing the beautiful village in its soaring arms. When you arrived back at shore, your heart was already void of all emotions. You felt as though it was bleeding, and the death of your brother felt like the knife that poked through the midst of it. You wanted it to burn with anger towards the sky people for taking your younger brother’s life, but you just couldn’t feel anything.

The brother that you had watched being birthed, cleaned and placed wailing into your young arms had been violently taken before you. It was unfair, but he was in a better place now, away from the cruelty of this world. You couldn’t imagine how your parents felt, losing their first son before their very own eyes. How guilty your little brother must've felt for everything. Though you forced your sorrows away because you had a family of your own to attend to.

Your son was still with his caretaker, and your mate probably had wounds that needed tending. Suddenly, the acrid scent of burning hit your nostrils, making you scrunch your nose in disgust. The fumes entered through your lungs like the much wanted air, and exited like the carbon that you would need to exhale.

Your yellow eyes shone a warm amber colour as your eyes were strained amongst the fiery scene before you. The flames engulfed the stretching material of the maruis, spreading at an undying pace. You were frozen in your spot as you watched the fire turn your homes into remainders of what once was. Your mind raced as you imagined the worst of all scenarios.

You flinched upon contact, elbowing hardly whoever had just grabbed you by the elbows. You turned around to meet their eyes, distress swirling in your very own. Ao’nung nearly fell back at your unwanted assault, huffing as you elbow left quite the fuzzy feeling in his stomach. Not the good kind of feeling. He looked at you before reaching for you once more, though you were unresponsive to his touch.

Once the smell of burning reached his nose, his attention was completely retracted from your frozen form. He suddenly urged forwards, grabbing your hand harshly into his as he ran towards the maruis. He ran faster than he had ever done, because there was a nagging feeling of fear lodged deep inside his heart.

You could feel your heart physically stop as you arrived in front of your shared marui, the stretchy material of your home now falling apart under effect of the burning. What scared you the most was the silence. As much as it pains you to say, you would’ve rather heard the painful yells of your baby than the wavering silence.

Without hesitation, Ao’nung entered the marui first. He had little to no reaction as a piece of burning material from the roof fell ungracefully over his arm, leaving a small and ugly mark behind. Him halting in his steps was enough to bring you back to life and rushing to the scene besides him.

Though the sight before you was what no mother would ever wish to see. The woman that was once protecting your son now laid lifeless besides the weaved crib that was made from dried sea plants. The smell of death was atrocious, and you had immediately known that she had not died due to the unfortunate fires. She had been murdered by those sky demons.

You had no care nor time to turn her around to investigate her cause of death. Though you were happy that you didn’t see the violent wound that ran down her back, a long cut that passed from the top to the bottom of her spine. Her blood seeped to the floor and tainted the material, and you could only wish then that it wasn’t Aytan’s, your son.

She was bare and open from the back for anyone to see if they dared to flip her around. You were glad that you didn’t need to, because the sight of her guts spilling all over your feet would’ve surely made you regurgitate your meal all over her mutilated body.

Instead your eyes panned for painfully long on your son that laid still in his crib. Void of any movement or life, you felt as though now you would puke.

His skin was cursed with burn marks that overtook nearly half of his body. He looked so miserable and even if he was still alive at the moment, you would wonder if saving him would do him any good. The once soft baby skin now looked roughy and flaky.

He was still so small that he could barely fit into the two palms of his father’s hands, but he was big enough to fit perfectly in your smaller ones.

Perfectly safe and healthy in his mothers embrace is where he should’ve been right now, not like this.

You looked over to Ao’nung for some unreasoned confirmation that your son was truly dead, but he wasn’t even looking at you. Instead, his lifeless eyes hovered over the charred child that laid innocently in his crib. He couldn’t even make a move to grab the baby, because he was frozen in anguish.

You couldn’t even remember when you had started crying, or when your cries had turned into desperate sobs and prayers towards Eywa. You couldn’t even remember when Ao’nung’s family had found the both of you safe and sound into the marui that once called a home, now in shambles beneath your feet. All you remembered was grasping your son with all force that you had left and praying to the Great-Mother down on your knees, and the painful tears that rolled down your husband’s cheeks.

Though there weren’t more than 3 tears that he had shed, it was 3 too much. He wouldn’t have cried if those damned demons didn’t follow your family here, but yet there he was. He too couldn’t even remember when his mother had embraced him, but she had done so.

There were so many things that the both of you had regretted not doing on that night. Like staying back to protect your son by yourselves. You both resented yourselves for the fact that the last time the both of you would ever hold him this way would be at his funeral, followed by your brother’s.

Everything was quiet since that night, at least for you. It was too much loss for your fragile heart to comprehend all at once. Was your brother’s death not enough, have they had to take your innocent son’s life as well. Your poor son that had just been presented to the clan

You were scared. Scared of so many things that you could not control. You feared what Ao’nung thought of you, did he hate you for not being there with you son? Maybe if you were, you could’ve protected him unlike the incompetent babysitter that you had left him with. No, you shook your head from those nasty thoughts. It was wrong of you to think ill of that woman, she had been present with your son until her unfortunate death.

Your fears turned into trepidation as your husband made his way towards you, a plate of fish in his wobbly hands.

Ao’nung was so angry at many things. He was angry at himself for not being there with his son. He felt mad at the poor woman for not having the ability to protect his innocent son. Though most of all, he felt vexed at you for freezing up on that day. He told himself that perhaps if you had not taken so much time to snap back to your senses, your son would somehow still be here.

He knew that it was wrong of him to think like this, he knew that even if you had acted faster, his son would still be laying unresponsive at his return. He knew that feeling angry at his innocent wife was wrong, that none of this had to do with you being at fault. He hates himself for having these unwanted feelings and thoughts, and at times Ao’nung truly wishes that he could silence his subconscious.

He hated himself for internally blaming you even after watching you drown in remorse. Even after watching you sob over your dead son’s frail body. And even though it had been hours since the funeral of your brother and son, your tears still ran freely on your delicate cheeks.

They stained your dark skin and they strained your eyes that could do nothing to stop the flow. Ao’nung felt his guilt triple in size as he sat next to you, your body instinctively shaking as he engulfed you in his warm embrace. For he had always been your pillar of reconfort and the person that you allowed yourself to feel vulnerable within.

He hushed you gently as you sobbed into his arms, his heart shattering once more as you cried to him. You were unsoothable but he hadn’t complained once, instead he gave you the comfort that you seeked so much. You felt guilty too, because you were not the only person going through grief. Who would be there to comfort Ao’nung when you were crying in his embrace?

Though when you made your worries audible, he was quick to shut them down. He wanted to be strong for you, for his family and mostly for himself. He told you not to worry, that he was okay as long as you were and soon your insecurities of him hating you vanished through the soft breeze. Ao’nung didn’t hesitate to remind you of how strong your love was and that you’d both get through it.

You both slept with heavy hearts at night, unable to close your aching eyelids until they fell on their own with exhaustion. His arms never left your form and you slept with your head on his chest, finding comfort in the sound of his beating heart.

You felt jealous at first, heart black and full of envy as you watched young mothers with their children. Hell, even the older mothers made your heart clench with resentment. And though you knew it was selfish of you to despise mothers for simply existing, there was little that you could do to make the feeling go away.

You couldn’t face the sight of the young children that trudged behind their mothers and soon it began affecting your Tsahik performances. How could you heal children and mothers and assist labourers when you couldn’t even stand the sight of them anymore.

It was unfair, so unfair for everyone but you knew that it was the way that life went. You knew that you couldn’t keep on closing yourself off like this, that you had to be accepting of what had happened and face reality.

So accepting was what you had done. Slowly by slowly, you have started rebuilding your life with the help of people around you. Your mother was the most understanding person, because she had lost so much already. She had lost her son just as you had, but she had never once reprimanded you for grieving. She had never forced you to speak up to her, she had never resented you for feeling the way you did.

You had learnt that it was not the end of the world, and that one day you’d be better, you’d all be better. Neteyam and Aytan’s death were not in vain, for the Great-Mother always had a plan for everyone. If it was her will, then so be it, there was nothing that you could do to undo what was done anyways.

Tuk had been the sweetest girl during that moment, and it never failed to bring tears in your eyes at how understanding she was. She was so young and you were sad that a part of her youth was taken away from her because of this ongoing war.

You could never thank your brother and father enough for being there for you despite the guilt that weighed them down, pushing so hard that they could only bear to stand on their knees.

Though solace could only work in both ways, and you were just as there for them as they were there for you. Aytan was just as much their family member as Neteyam was, and they were allowed to grieve the loss of your son as well. It took time for you all to find peace within this feeling of forfeiture, but you all knew that one day, things would be okay.

You watched as Ao’nung made his way towards his people, a prideful smile adorning his face as his gaze turned to you. His eyes were full of adoration as he stared at you, then to the little bundle of joy and baby fat that was lying comfortably in his arms.

He stood before his people clad in his traditional clothes that were used during feasts and announcements of this type.

The child in his arms stirred awake at the disturbance, whining slightly for her mother. The sound reached your ears and for a second you worried for your daughter, but you knew that nothing bad could happen to her as long as she was in her father’s arms.

The child's stomachs growled loudly for a second and you had to bring your hand in front of your mouth to stifle your laughter. She had just been fed a few minutes before this and yet her hunger caught up to her once more. A trait that she had acquired from his father, you had to cook 3 times your own fish portion to properly feed his warrior’s stomach.

Ura was a child that would soon grow to walk on clumsy legs, a child that was yours. Though a part of yourself was gone forever, tearing a piece of your heart along with it. You knew that the pain of losing your first child would never really go away, but you'd always have your family to help you get through it. You had a wonderful mate, that you relied your entire life within his hands, and a family that knows the ways past your heart.

You watched as Ao’nung raised your 3 weeks old daughter into the air, her chubby little arms raising in amusement. The sound of her name pierced through your ears and soon the chants began to fill your heart with joy and pride. You couldn’t help the warm smile that overtook your features as you watched your daughter being presented to the entire clan, your family close behind you.

Your mother held a hand over her chest, where her heart was. Her smile mirrored yours and the pride on her face could compete versus the one that she felt when you were the one being shown to her clan. Your father and siblings were close to her. Lo’ak now shone with new tribal tattoos, ones similar to yours as they dipped from his chin and all the way down his leg.

His mateship with Tsireya was soon made public, and you felt a pang in your heart when you knew that you couldn’t tease him about it with Neteyam anymore. Though you swallowed your sorrows, feeling happy for your baby brother. Your sister in law stood besides your brother, her eyes glued to her newborn niece. A child that she knew that she just absolutely would spoil when she would learn to stand on her own feet.

Perhaps things would get hard at times, and the reminiscences of your son would be permanent, but you had a loving family that would always help you fill the void.

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kittenshift-17 · 5 months

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Congrats on finishing!

Prompt - Zutara & a flower made of glass

Thank you! I'm very proud of myself and loved the feeling of vulnerability and relief and achievement when it was finally done so I'm probably addicted and will hopefully, finally, be able to chase down that feeling on the rest of my WIPs 😅🥰

"Uhhh, what is that you're holding?" Katara frowned at the object Zuko was gingerly clutching.

"A flower," he answered shortly, avoiding eye contact.

"A..." Katara frowned, stepping closer to try and examine what he held. "Are you sure? It... looks..."

"It's made of glass."

"Oh!" Katara's eyebrows shot up. "Can I see it?"

"No."

She huffed a laugh at the shortness of his answer.

"No?"

"It's a gift for someone," he side-eyed her. "Why are you here, anyway?"

"I'm waiting for someone."

"Here?" Zuko frowned.

"Yes, I have a date," Katara smiled, blushing prettily. "A blind date, actually. One of Suki's Kyoshi Warrior friends set us up. Actually, can you go somewhere else with your glass flower? The guy I'm waiting on is late, but maybe he's here and doesn't know I'm who he's meeting because you're here."

"Oh, for...." Zuko cursed, his head dropping back while he breathed out a small puff of steam.

Katara flinched when he extended his arm in her direction, offering her the glass flower.

"You just said this was a gift," she scoffed, though she took it anyway to examine the fine blown glass petals, admiring the rich colours infused within.

"It's a gift for the girl I'm meeting. For a blind date. Setup by Ty Lee," Zuko scowled, his eyes back on her, waiting for her to get it.

"You... you're who I'm...? Oh, for crying out loud," Katara started to laugh. "They set us up?"

"Evidently."

"I bet they're nearby, giggling about it too," Katara complained. "We both need better friends."

Zuko didn't say anything, only scowled deeper.

"Well... shall we?" Katara waved an indicative hand to the cafe across the street where the date was supposed to take place.

"They're already inside," Zuko shook his head. "I just saw a flash of one of them. They'll be watching."

"So? Do you not want to have tea with me?" Katara smirked since they’d never even considered dating in all the times they’d known each other.

"You want to go on a date with me?" Zuko frowned, his voice full of sneer.

"Well.... I mean, I'm already dressed," she waved to the nice dress she wore.

Zuko's eyes dropped down, trailing over her slowly.

"You look nice," he conceded quietly, his cheeks turning a bit pink.

"So do you," Katara smiled. "We could... what if instead of tea, we had dinner? I know a place a few blocks away where our friends won't be spying and laughing, if you still want to see the date through."

"Aren't you supposed to go on dates to get to know people?" Zuko frowned. "It's why I hate them. Getting to know someone over tea in a noisy shop is stupid."

Katara started to laugh at his disgruntled expression, reaching to ruffle his combed hair out of its attempted style because it looked ridiculous.

"Good thing you already know me then, isn't it?" She teased, giving a little tug to the front of his shirt as she started to turn, planning to lead his to the restaurant. "Come on. Let's get dinner, and you can tell me why you brought a glass flower instead of a real one."

Zuko pouted, but after a few seconds, he followed her, easily falling into step beside her, the two of them walking close enough that their shoulders occasionally bumped.

"Real one always wilt," he confessed quietly when they were seated at the restaurant. "I get nervous and my hands heat up and then live flowers wilt and go soggy. But uncle says you have to bring flowers on dates.... it's stupid."

He reached, trying to take the pretty glass flower back but Katara moved it out of reach, instead sliding her free hand into his and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"It's not stupid," she said softly when Zuko's eyes dropped to their entwined hands. "It's a clever solution. And besides, real flowers only last a few days... a week if you're lucky. This one will last forever."

She smiled, admiring it happily as her cheeks turned pink.

"I think it's nicer to give something with permanence," she murmured. "The point of dating is to find love, after all, and I would think it should be a goal in the search for love to find one that will be permanent."

When she looked up, Zuko was staring at her intently, his cheeks a soft pink and his eyes guarded as though he was waiting for the punchline. Katara only smiled and set the flower gently on her lap before reaching for the menu without releasing Zuko's hand.

"Should we get some tea?" She checked. "Oh, they have so many options! Iroh would spend days here sampling them all. Look!"

Katara slid her chair quickly around the table, slotting herself in close beside Zuko rather than remaining across from him, pointing at the tea list on the menu excitedly. Distracted as she was, she didn't see the guarded gleam in Zuko's gaze melt away into something soft and impossibly fond before he leaned in closer, silently believing dates were definitely nicer if you already knew you loved the person you were meeting.

#kittenshift17 #fanfiction #zutara #send anons #anonymous #writing prompt #prince zuko #katara

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 1 year

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Heyy, first time asking, and first of all - I love your content!!! I'm in love with your LI characters' interpretations. Could you maybe do M6 with like a thief-for-hire sort of MC? The kind of one that sits around in Rowdy Raven and waits for a job? And is probably very good at invisibility and forget-me spells. Thanks!

The Arcana HCs: M6 with a thief-for-hire MC

~ in the spirit of the Arcana, I'm interpreting this with MC being a hired thief the way Mazelinka is a pirate captain: robbing the rich to feed the poor >:3 this is so much fun, thanks anon! - brainrot ~

Julian

He finds you so relentlessly attractive like this that it makes him short circuit

Getting to sit with you in the corner of the Rowdy Raven while you wait for a job becomes his favorite way to pass the time

He'll just watch you over the rim of his mug, slowly losing his train of thought over the effortlessly intimidating and somehow cavalier attitude you give off

Few things make him want to kiss you more than when you talk shop to him

Just casually mention that you need to repair your grappling hook for an upcoming job and he'll drop whatever he's holding

"You know MC, if you wanted something to practice grappling with, all you had to do was ask."

Of course he understands that what you do is risky and serious business

Will wait up for you at rendezvous points instead of at home so he can check that you're alright right away

Malak is already a practicing guard alert

Because you're the harder of the two to notice, rumors spread that Dr Devorak is your point person. He's ecstatic

Asra

Immediately intrigued, but won't ask too much about it right away except for when you'll be away from the shop

Assigns Faust to watch over you

Casually appears just as a job is about to go very very wrong and maneuvers you both out of it

Immediately confesses to how they knew what was going on and apologizes for invading your privacy

But he's high on the thrill of getting in trouble like this, and it's for a good cause, and there are things he knows about Vesuvia's back alleys from his own questionable childhood ...

They don't want to form an official partnership, per say, but they would love to accompany you on trickier jobs as an ally

Fascinated by the tricks of the trade, if you have gadgets or tools that he doesn't recognize you'll have to put a lock spell on them so he can only fiddle with them in your presence

Faust is the greatest secret weapon you'll ever have

*knocks out a guard with her tail* Oopsie!

Nadia

There are warring opinions within her

One adores you. You're resourceful, you have and follow your own moral compass, and you're exceptionally skilled

The other side is concerned

You're breaking the law. She is an agent of the law. Neither of you should consider yourselves an exception to the law, which is why she prefers struggling for reform instead ...

Oh, but you make breaking it look so good

She operates on a need-to-know basis. If you never confess to her, as the Countess, that you stole, then she is under no obligation to bring you to justice

She does prefer you let her know when you will not be available, and if you will be in any significant danger

Stays up for you or sends Chandra to keep an eye out if it's late or risky

The exception to her "don't tell me" attitude is when she is officially off duty as the Countess, and merely Nadia, and very in love with you and your daring exploits

"Tell me, my love, what naughty little things have you been doing behind my back?"

Muriel

Wasn't really all that impressed until it became clear that you were even better at going unnoticed than he is

Grudgingly curious about how you manage to do that

And also if you would be open to demonstrating for him, not that he's in any need of improvement

Completely on board with your modus operandi. If he had grown up to be a different type of person, he'd be doing it too

As it is, the thought of stealing is still a little uncomfortable for him, so he turns a blind eye to your antics

Though anytime you tell him of a particularly impressive job you'll notice him puffing up with pride just a little bit

Will offer Inanna's services as a lookout and guide wolf. Also as an alert system in case you may be hurt or stuck and need his assistance

Your job has Inanna's full approval. She thinks that what you do is the coolest and lords it over Muriel that she gets to spend time with you at work while he mopes in the woods (her words, not mine)

Portia

If she didn't think you were just like a character out of a novel, she does now

She thinks it's awesome

Pumps you for details on all of your jobs and offers to join you on any that she could be of service for

She did spend quite some time on a pirate ship, after all, and nobody is as well connected as she is

Loves hanging out with you in the Rowdy Raven while you wait for commissions, but not too often because she is an ambassador and that wouldn't be good for her credibility

Speaking of her job ...

Highkey struggles not to ask you to steal other countries' state secrets for her when they're being difficult

Thankfully you haven't been faced with declining that request yet

Begs you to teach her some of your skills. One cloaking spell. Just one. No, she's not going to use it to eavesdrop on visiting dignitaries! Okay fine she would, but so what if she did?

Loves reading unrealistic heist novels to you just to hear you verbally rip them to shreds

Lucio

Saw your thieving skills in action when he was still a ghost/goatman and it was one of his reasons to get on your good side at first, he thought you'd make a great minion

Until it's revealed to both of you that at one point he used to be one of the main people you'd steal from

His visible reaction is an infuriated pout, he doesn't like things being taken from him, and he's still getting used to you being better at some things than he is

This quickly gives way to infatuation. You beat him at something. He thinks that's hot

Will try to bargain you into a thieving partnership

You initially say no, but after it's proven to be an extremely useful skill set on jobs, you agree to taking stealing jobs with him

On the condition that you're in charge

He's delighted by this and it ends up being a great way to further develop his moral compass. It comes more naturally to him to focus on benefiting the greater good than to define the details of his personal ethics

Keeps forgetting that bragging about it is not conducive to getting away with it

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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forest-hashira · 1 month

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Better Than Sake

hi everyone! this is the first in what will hopefully be a series of little one shots for the Noble Blood universe! some will be timestamps/scenes i want to write but don't fit into the overall fic for various reasons, some will be AUs within the AU. (& yes, i promise i'm still working on the main fic!!!)

shoko and utahime are about 16 or so in this. don't drink underage kids!!! especially not sake that shit is Strong (imo)

series masterlist here | read on ao3 here | wc: ~1.2k | cw: underage drinking, coming out (sort of, it's not made a big deal), love confessions (also kinda), first kisses, this is just shokohime, no other characters involved

“Are you sure we’re not going to get in trouble?” Utahime asked in a whisper, glancing over her shoulder for a moment, checking for at least the dozenth time in the last two minutes that they hadn’t been followed.

“I never said I was sure,” Shoko replied. “I said I was pretty sure, which is not the same thing. That’s why I didn’t bring Ryoji, and why I told you to leave Patience at home.”

“Shoko!”

“Sh!” the brunette shushed, turning and pressing a finger to the other girl’s lips. “If you keep fretting like that, someone’s gonna hear us, and then we’ll definitely get in trouble.”

Utahime frowned, but she nodded, not saying another word as Shoko took her hand and guided her down to the beach. Though it was late, it wasn’t cold, like it had been the last few weeks; it was finally warming up, and for that the girls were thankful.

They sat a short distance from the water, pressed side to side, when Shoko held up a bottle of sake.

“Want some?”

“Where were you even carrying that?”

“A magician never reveals her secrets.” With a smirk, Shoko pulled the cork from the bottle. “Do you want the first taste?”

There was a brief silence as Utahime considered the question; she didn’t really want to have the first drink, but she also knew the odds that shoko would try to drink the entire bottle by herself if she said no were high.

“Fine,” the darker haired girl sighed, holding out her hand for the bottle.

“That’s my girl.” Shoko passed the bottle to the other girl, and though she noticed the way her words had made Utahime’s face go pink, she said nothing.

Eager to distract herself from the way Shoko’s words made her heart skip a beat, Utahime was quick to snatch the bottle, pressing it to her lips and taking a much bigger swig than she intended to.

“Ugh, Sho, that is disgusting,” she complained, though she did manage to swallow the alcohol before speaking.

“Is it?” Shoko took the bottle back, taking her own drink, though hers was admittedly more controlled than Utahime’s had been. She swallowed, her only outward reaction being a slight wrinkling of her nose, and she shrugged. “I’ve had to take medicine worse than that,” she said simply, taking another sip before offering the bottle to the other girl again.

“Do I even want to know what kinds of medicines you’re taking if they taste worse than this?” Utahime mumbled, mostly to herself, as she accepted the bottle and took another, albeit much smaller, sip. “Don’t answer that question,” she added, when she saw Shoko open her mouth out of the corner of her eye. “I don’t need to know what you get up to that requires nasty medicine.”

Shoko just laughed. “You’re blushing, Hime,” she teased.

“Am not.”

“Are too. You just even more red, actually.”

Utahime took another drink. She doesn’t have to look so smug, she thought to herself.

“What’s on your mind, hm? Thinkin’ about what I must be doing to need to take all that medicine if I’m not sick?”

“No,” the darker haired girl answered, too quickly.

“I think you are.”

A small groan, another sip from the bottle before shoving it back at her friend. “Shut up, Sho.”

The brunette relented for a moment, accepting the sake and taking another drink of her own. “Whatever you think I’m doing, you’re probably wrong.”

Utahime startled slightly. “Huh?”

“I’m not sick,” Shoko answered. “Well, not sick sick, but it's hard to work with sick people all the time and not catch something every once in a while. And I don’t take medicine for the same things some of the boys that live here do. I know you’ve heard them talk.”

If it was even possible, Utahime felt her face heat even more. She had heard some of the other boys from around the settlement talk about what caused their… medical problems; they were always so vulgar, and generally rather demeaning about the girls they were fooling around with. “Yeah, I have.”

“That’s not my issue, though. I don’t mess around with boys.”

“Because your parents would kill you if you got a disease from one of them?” It was a poor attempt at a joke, but it made the corner of Shoko’s lips twitch into a smile for a moment.

“No.” She took another drink from the bottle – quite a big one, Utahime noticed – and held it in her mouth for a moment before swallowing, as if she were stalling, or bracing herself for something.

Though she couldn’t deny how curious she was about what could have her best friend, who was normally so laid back and unbothered, acting so hesitant, Utahime was willing to be patient.

“I don’t mess around with boys because I don’t like boys.”

“Neither do I.” Because really, what was there to like about boys, especially at their age? The only respectful boy she knew was Kento, and he wasn’t appealing to her like that. No boy had ever appealed to her that way, actually, now that she thought about it.

Shoko turned to face her, a slightly wary look in her eye. “I mean I’m not attracted to boys, Hime.”

“Oh.” There’s a beat of silence, then another. “Who are you attracted to, then?”

Shoko tilted her head slightly, and Utahime found herself caught up – even more than usual – in the way her pretty brown hair swayed around her shoulders and framed her pretty face. Is she always this pretty? Utahime thought, Or am I drunk? Does being drunk even work like that?

“I’m attracted to you.”

When did she get that close? Was she that close the whole time? Oh my god— the slightly older girl’s mind raced, and without even thinking about it, she started leaning in a little closer. “Y-you— you are?”

“Mmhm,” Shoko hummed. Her own face was flushed a bit now, though not quite as much as her friend’s, and her pupils had dilated a bit more. “Yeah, I am. Have been for a while now, I think…”

I want to kiss you so bad right now.

“I wanna kiss you too.”

“I said that out loud?” Utahime asked, not nearly as embarrassed about it as she thought she would be.

“Yeah. Did you not mean to?”

“Not really. But I do want to kiss you.”

“Good. I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Utahime wasn’t sure what she expected from her first kiss, but it certainly wasn’t this. Shoko’s lips were soft, and her touch was gentle, more affectionate and sweet than any boy likely would have been. Utahime let out a small, somewhat muffled hum and pressed a bit closer for a moment, her eyes fluttering shut until Shoko pulled away, presumably to catch her breath.

She opened her eyes again then, licking her lips without thinking about it. “You taste like—”

“Sake?” Shoko guessed, a slight smile on her lips. “Better than sake,” Utahime replied, smiling back. “Much better.”

taglist: @ghost-1-y @kentohours @whatthefucksatan @mitsuristoleme @lu-dao-writes @peachdues @lik0 @deepestartisanhumanoidshark @here-for-the-tea-baby @staryukis @roselleviennesstuff @witchbybirth @marinnnnnnnnn if your url is crossed out, it's because tumblr won't let me tag you for whatever reason. i apologize! & if you want to be added to the taglist, just drop a reply to the post/put it in the tags of your reblog!

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#fallon's fics #noble blood #dragon rider au #jjk au #jjk fluff #jjk fanfiction #jjk fanfic #shokohime #ieiri shoko #shoko ieiri #jujutsu kaisen shoko #jjk shoko #shoko jjk #jjk ieiri #iori utahime #utahime iori #jjk utahime #utahime jjk #jjk iori

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lokis-dark-queen · 10 months

Text

Tropical Teasing (Tropical Tension Pt2)

Loki/Fem Reader Smut

Summary: Loki and his love are enjoying a blissful, romantic vacation after their first night together. However, after Loki leaves an embarrassing mark on her neck, she pushes herself away from him for a few hours. Little does she know, a few hours without Loki feels like a guilt filled lifetime.

Warnings/Notes: SMUT 18+ MDNI!!! A lil bit of angst, depressed Loki, bisexual reader and Loki (they literally come out to each other it’s adorable), lots of teasing, Unprotected sex, Beach Sex, Skinny Dipping, Oral (F and M receiving), other stuff I probably forgot.

Word Count: 9.3k

Also on AO3

*Header from Pinterest*

“This isn’t a honeymoon you guys.”

Agent Barton’s words were lost in a haze of love and lust from you and Loki. A whole year of teasing from the two of you came to head within one night and now you couldn’t get enough of each other. Every touch, every kiss was intoxicating. You were addicted.

It was day three of your seven day getaway and you and Loki were on each other like it was mating season. Within this short time you nearly lost count of the orgasms he had given you. That number would only increase within the coming days. You were for sure of that as he currently was buried in your cunt.

It was intended to be an innocent shower to clean up before you met with your friends at the resort for massages. Loki raised an eyebrow at this activity and questions spewed endlessly from his lips.

“You’ll be undressed in front of others?”

“Well, yes and no. I’ll be covered with a long towel.” You tirelessly answer.

“Who is touching you in such a way? It certainly isn’t me.” He pries even more.

“A professionally trained masseuse who has done this a million times. Nakedness is not always sexual. I've had a tiring past month, I need to relax.” You tell him, undressing for a quick shower.

“That’s my job! Have I not fulfilled you, my love?” He walks closer, running his fingers down your spine.

“You have fulfilled me plenty, Loki. And you will have many opportunities to do it again. But please, don’t worry about it. It’s an innocent massage.” You reason with him, brushing his dark hair from his bare shoulders.

Loki sighed, he could only be stubborn for so long. He did say that he wanted you to enjoy your trip after all. “Fine. Do not forget who you belong to.” He kisses your temple possessively.

“And who is that? Because I think it's Fury with all the work he’s been making me do.” You roll your eyes, recalling the tiring mission.

“Stop that, don’t make me remind you!” He threatens.

“Maybe I do need a refresher.” You tease. Even after he claimed you for the first time and confessed his love for you, the teasing would never end.

That was how you ended up in your current position with your back sliding up and down the wet, tile wall of the hotel shower. Loki supported your body with his hands hooked under your thighs as he thrusted between them, his forehead resting on your shoulder. Your fingernails dug into the wet flesh of his pale shoulders as you both chased your highs.

“Hurry- Loki- I’m gonna AH! I’m gonna be late!” You remind him of your plans in broken moans.

“Don’t rush me, woman!” He growls, raising his head to bite at the base of your neck. A gesture you didn’t think too much of at the moment. “We’re done when you cum around my cock and I cum inside that pretty cunt.”

“Yeah, that’s the whole point.” You giggle teasingly before one hand wraps around your throat.

“Watch that smart mouth around me, pet. Or I'll put it to better use and leave you needy for me.” He threatens.

His bold action and words pushed you closer to the edge, your legs wrapped tighter around his moving hips.

“N-no sir- I’m sorry! I’ll be good- PLEASE!” You scream out for him, hoping the running water will conceal your screams to avoid another noise complaint.

“Good girl.” His hand drops from your neck to run tight circles around your clit, “Now cum for me.”

You scream out his name as you follow his stern orders. Your pussy clenching around his thrusting cock just like he wanted. Your orgasm triggering his own. A deep, breathy moan slipped from his pink lips as he spilled his cum deep inside you. Thankfully, in this setting, cleanup wouldn’t be much of an issue.

After your short shower session, you sat at the vanity, drying your hair as fast as you could to make it in time. You watched Loki behind you from the reflection of the mirror as he dried his perfect body, still very much naked.

You smiled to yourself, wondering how you landed such a perfect man who was also amazing in the bedroom. Was it because he was a god? Or was he just very experienced? He was over a thousand years old, so you imagined he had some impressive sexual conquests under his literal and metaphorical belt.

Turning your eyes back to yourself, you made a discovery. An obvious mark of Loki’s love at the base of your neck for all to see. Sure, basically everyone knew that you and Loki were fucking, but they didn’t need to be reminded every time they looked at you. All your sundresses were revealing, therefore you had no way to hide it. You clenched your jaw and whipped around to face the god behind you.

“Loki!” You yell, quickly grabbing his attention.

“What?” He asks with just a touch of too much attitude.

“What! That’s all you have to say? Well I have a question for you mischief, what the hell is this?” You push your hair back and pull the collar of your silk robe aside, revealing the mark to his eyes.

Loki smirked, fully aware of what he had done, “That? Well darling, that is my mark to show whoever touches you that you are mine.” He states as if it was obvious.

“No! It’s embarrassing! Everyone saw us Loki, they heard us! This is completely unnecessary.” You scold him, giving him a light smack on his chest when you approached his bare form.

“Maybe they did. But the masseuse didn’t.” He replies confidently, like a smartass.

Now, you loved Loki, and you would never hurt him. But gods above, you were so tempted to smack him across his pretty face so hard that the smirk he was currently donning would fly across the room and never return. You simply just rolled your eyes, turning to your makeup bag to grab some last minute coverup.

“Now I'm really going to be late.” You growl to yourself, giving a deadly side glance to Loki.

“Hey! What are you doing? Are you trying to hide-”

“Yes, Loki! Yes I am!” Your playful teasing turning into a full blown argument.

Loki was taken back by your words, by your anger. He didn’t think you would care so much. He turned away, clothing himself with magic before sitting on your shared bed, sulking, hoping you would feel sorry for him. Like you always did before.

You sloppily covered the hickey in a rush before throwing on a flowy sundress with a white bikini underneath, choosing to wear swimwear instead of underwear on this vacation. You walked to the door, pausing to look at Loki as he slumped on the bed.

“I’ll see you at dinner.” You say before making your leave.

“Wait!” Loki stops you in your tracks, much to his relief, you stop and hear what he has to say.

“What?” You ask in an impatient tone.

“I can remove it with magic, if you want.” He offers.

You sigh, cocking your head towards the gloomy god, “Don’t bother.” Was the last words you muttered before closing the door. Loki was surprised you didn’t take him up on his offer, perhaps you weren't as angry as you led on.

The raven haired man plopped on the bed, what was he to do while you were away? He hoped that you wouldn’t be angry when he saw you again, perhaps he should apologize. He truly didn’t expect you to be so upset about his mark. Seeing you angry genuinely scared him, it was not an emotion that he wanted you to feel towards him. He only wanted to make you happy, he feared he had already ruined things between you. Maybe he was truly never meant to be loved. Loki felt no motivation to go outside and socialize. He used his magic to close the curtains, covering the view that you loved so much as he laid on the bed. At least you were enjoying yourself on vacation.

–

Your sandals slapped against the polished floor of the hotel lobby as you met with your friends, who were all waiting for you.

“Sorry I’m late.” You apologize as you approach the girls.

“It’s okay, I was once in a new, budding relationship as well.” Wanda states, playfully winking at you.

You laugh uncomfortably, they all knew, there was no need to obviously remind them with a mark on your skin.

Wanda and Pepper look around the resort as you walk to your massage appointment. You quietly trail behind them, recalling your quarrel with Loki. Part of you felt guilty, maybe you should have at least resolved things before leaving. You knew how he could get, he was most likely wallowing in his own pity right now. He never dealt with arguments well, you knew that after hearing his many fights with Thor. You remembered how he would lock himself inside of his room. On a good day he would just be reading a book, acting like the situation never happened. Other times, he would wallow in his bed for days on end, until you went in there to cheer him up.

You knew that you were most likely his only source of happiness in this mortal world he found himself in. And his only source of happiness just yelled at him for trying to show his love in the only way he knew how, by being possessive. Loki didn’t have many things to himself growing up. He had to share his mother and father’s attention with Thor, one more than the other. As they became grown men, they would even have to share the same women who brought them pleasure late at night. Loki felt as if he was constantly being compared to his brother, so when he had you, he wanted to make sure that you were only his. Not just so that his brother knew, but that the whole word knew that you were his. Guilt filled your veins as you thought it over, half tempted to ditch your friends and go smooth things over with him before he got too depressed over it.

“What are you zoning out about?” Natasha spoke up next to you, pulling you out of your trance.

You sighed, deciding to be honest with her, “I yelled at Loki over something that wasn’t a big deal. I was just stressed that I would be late. I feel so awful.” You confess to your best friend.

“Why did you yell at him?” She asks.

You tense up, face flushed. It was all so embarrassing, “Well… he um.” You stuttered in an attempt to get the words out, “He gave me a ‘mark’ in a place that was too visible.” You answered in a hushed tone, making sure the two women in front of you didn’t hear.

Natasha laughed, “What? That’s it? I thought he put baby powder in your hairdryer or something mischievous like that. He seems like the kind of guy who would do that. I don’t know why you’re so surprised.”

“It would have been fine if he didn’t give it to me at the last minute before I had to leave.” You roll your eyes.

“You two were going at it before you met us? No wonder you were late. Where is it?” Her curiosity getting the best of her.

“Here.” You bashfully point to the poorly covered spot on your neck, apparently it wasn’t that bad if a super spy hadn’t noticed it immediately.

“Oh… I see it now. You tried your best covering it up, huh?”

“Yeah.” You breathed out sarcastically, letting your hair fall into place to cover the faded mark.

“He’s just insecure. He wants to make sure everyone knows you’re his property.” The redhead laughs.

“I’m not ‘property’, don’t put it like that. It's embarrassing.”

“Just to remind you, he was basically between your thighs the other night as he licked salt from between your tits and slowly took that lime from your mouth. Is his little mark more embarrassing than that?” She reminds you.

All you wanted to do right now was crawl into a hole and bury yourself. You put yourself on full display for everyone just so that Loki would make a brave move. Now you shamed him for doing the equivalent, you wanted to go back to him, you needed to.

“We’re here!” Pepper squeals in excitement as all of you approach the entry of the resort. Four private massage tables were set up with a view of the beach and you reminded yourself how sore your muscles were.

‘Surely he’ll be okay for another hour.’

Each of you walk into different rooms to undress, wrapping your bare form in a robe before walking out. You inspected yourself in the mirror first, the quick makeup job on your neck was fading from your sweat thanks to the humid air. You grabbed a tissue to rub the rest off.

‘Fuck it’

–

The sound of the waves calmed you as the masseuse worked at your tense muscles. Your argument with Loki had been long forgotten as the world melted away in perfect silence.

Unfortunately, the silence only lasted for a few fleeting seconds before the girls around you decided to start talking, gossiping about their personal lives. It didn’t take long for them to start talking about their men.

“I love Tony and all, but his ego just ruins him for others. If only they could all see how he is with me, no smartass comments, he just only says yes around me. It’s amazing.” Pepper once again tries to defend Stark.

“No smartass comments? Yeah, I don’t buy that for a second.” Natasha doubts the woman.

“Well, not in an egotistical way, it’s more in a flirtatious way.” She claims.

“Oh, if only Vision knew what flirting was. It’s so cute in a way, he is terrible at taking hints.” Wanda rolls her eyes sarcastically.

“He’s lucky he has you then, or else Tony would have to build another robot to keep him company.” Natasha giggles as the witch throws her a glare.

“What about you?” Wanda says your name, pulling you into the conversation unwillingly, “What is Loki like as a lover?”

“Yeah, and we want all the dirty details.” Natasha wiggles an eyebrow from her face down position.

“Well, maybe not all of them. We are in public.” Pepper reminds the ladies.

You sighed, groaning at the thought of the god who was most likely sulking in your room right now and the masseuse working on a knot in your lower back.

“He’s amazing. What else is there to say?” You simply state.

“Oh c’mon, you guys have had unbearable tension for like a year. There has to be more to it than that.” Natasha turned her head to the side so that you could see her eyes roll.

“He’s so shy, is he like that with you?” Pepper asks.

“Absolutely not, and he’s not shy. He just hates everyone.” You scoff.

“Oh? So he’s more dominant?” Natasha questions, clearly wanting to know the more perverted details.

“Nat!” Pepper scolds the curious spy.

“What? It’s just girl talk.” Natasha plays it off.

“We are not the only ones here!” Pepper stresses, reminding you of the four masseuses working on all of you.

“We’ve heard worse.” The woman who is currently working on loosening up your shoulders speaks up.

Natasha laughs and persits with her dirty questions, “See? They’ve heard it all.”

You sigh, if they want to hear it, then you'll give it to them. “Where do I start? He’s so gentle and cautious at first, almost like he’s afraid to hurt me. And he teases, it’s almost unbearable sometimes. He doesn’t just jump right into it, oh no, he takes his sweet time. Oh, and he insists on going down on me. I don’t have to ask or tell him what to do, he just knows, y’know?” You pause, the other women completely silent, invested in every word you said, “The name ‘silver tongue’ holds many meanings. After I literally have to push him away from me, he always asks if I'm okay. He whispers into my ear and holds me like a porcelain doll, you wouldn’t believe how gentle he can be. What next? Oh, he’s huge by the way. I sometimes ask myself, ‘how is he so perfect?’ Then I remember that he is a literal god. I have a faint idea of how much of a whore he was in Asgard, but with what he knows how to do, it’s fine. I’ll spare you the gory details, but I've never had to show him how to make me finish, he just knows. And afterwards, oh, he’s so sweet and caring, you wouldn’t believe it’s the same man.” You breathe in happily, recalling every intimate moment the two of you have shared within the past seventy-two hours, heat rushing between your legs as you did so. “So that’s what it’s like to sleep with a god, since you were so curious.”

A stiff moment of silence covers the room, the women finally shutting up as you listen to the crash of the waves in the distance in content.

“Maybe I haven't heard it all.” The masseuse finishes up your massage with the others, your blissful hour has come to an end.

You sit up slowly, your once tense muscles now relaxed as you wrap yourself in a towel to cover yourself, the other women doing the same as they all look at you with horror in their pretty eyes.

“Are you sure you guys have only been banging for like three days? Because what you said sounds like at least a few months worth of experience.” Wanda breaks the silence with a question.

“Oh, it has been a very eventful three days.” You admit.

“I can tell.” Wanda motions to the mark Loki had left. You now wore it with pride. It showed that he was yours just as much as you were his.

“We’re not taking you anywhere until your honeymoon phase is over.” Pepper rolls her eyes, her freckled cheeks slightly flushed.

“Hey! Nat started it!” You blame the woman sitting on the table that was next to yours.

“No I didn’t!” She defends herself.

“You did say that you wanted to hear all the dirty details.” Wanda reminds her.

“I didn’t think that she would actually describe it!” She admits.

You laugh at the women’s bickering, running your hand over the hickey. The mark you once were embarrassed of now felt comforting, like he was with you. You couldn’t get over the sinking feeling that he needed you right now. Not sexually, but emotionally.

–

When you and the girls arrived at the hotel you found everyone at the private seating area outside, waiting for dinner to be served. However, Loki was nowhere to be found. You had a feeling he wouldn’t be here, you doubt that he left the room at all today.

“Have you seen Loki today?” You ask Thor after waving him down.

“I thought he was with you all day.” He states, gnawing gluttonously at a kebab.

You sigh at his response. This was a vacation for christ’s sake! Even if you did piss him off he should be outside reading a book by the pool at least. You immediately go back inside the hotel and head for your shared room. Once again you would have to cheer him up, and give him an apology.

When you opened the door to your room it was pitch black, the curtains drawn shut. If you didn’t know any better you would assume it was empty. That was until you saw a god sized lump underneath the white, pristine hotel sheets. Had he seriously been there all day?

“Loki, it’s time to eat. I’m sure you’re hungry.” You tell him, sitting at the edge of the bed.

His only response was a few muffled groans underneath the covers, you couldn’t make out what he was saying.

“I can’t hear you, my love.” You lean in closer, pulling the top of the blanket down past his head.

“Not hungry.” Was all he said in return.

“Yes you are, you haven’t eaten all day. I know you haven't, so don't try to lie to me.”

He stayed silent, you didn’t think that you hurt him this much. You rub his back over the covers, even under the sheets you could feel his muscles relax at your touch. He missed your touch all day, even when you were apart for a mere few hours, he longed for you.

“Loki… I am so sorry. I overreacted this morning. I know how you are, I know you want everyone to know that I am yours. I’m just not used to that type of affection, it’s new for me. But they know now.” You smile to yourself as his back is turned to you. Your fingers travel upwards to play with the tangled, black locks of hair. “They asked about you, my friends. Do you want to know what I said to them?”

“What?” He mutters his question.

“I told them about how amazing you are. How sweet and gently you treat me, like I’m a princess. I had to let them know how perfect you were so that all their boyfriends would feel inferior. Because now they know that I have the best man I could ever ask for.” You lean down to kiss his cheek. The slight taste of salt lingered from your lips, he must have been crying.

He shifted, blankets rustling as he turned to face you, “Is that true?” He asks, taking your hand into his.

“Would I ever lie to my god?” You hold his hand tightly, making sure he never lets go.

“I suppose not.” Even in the dark of the room you can see his beautiful smile.

You lean your body over his to place a soft kiss on his lips, they were dry. Clearly he didn’t eat or drink anything today. His large hands ran up your body, memorizing every curve in the dark like he was being tested on it. The kiss deepens as you push your body closer to his. He felt your skin in the darkness, it was soft from the massage oil. After a few more seconds you pulled away, resting your forehead against his.

“How was your massage, darling?” He asks, tracing circles on your bare shoulder blades and fidgeting with the straps of your sundress.

“It was amazing, I feel so much better.” You admit, falling into his touch. You hovered your face next to his to whisper in his ear, “I wished it was you though. I had to keep myself from imagining your hands all over me so I wouldn’t get horny.”

Loki chuckles, “Poor thing, I was wrong to assume that you would forget who you belong to.”

You sit up, straddling his hips that were covered by multiple layers of fabric. He holds both of your hands with his. Using his magic to turn on the lights so he could properly see you above him. His pupils widened at the sight of you. Your skin had a beautiful shine, your cleavage was very visible from his place beneath you and the skirt of your dress sprawled around your slightly spread thighs. He could see the mark that he left, no trace of makeup was found on top of it.

“I love it when you admit that you’re wrong.” You giggle, putting more weight on your hands as he pushes back, keeping you relying on his strength to keep you from falling face first.

“Don’t get used to it.” He rolls his eyes, letting go of your hands before sliding his fingers under the skirt of your dress. You began to feel his hardness underneath the comforter. A wet spot started to form in your bikini bottoms as he fidgeted with the waistband.

Between the relaxing massage and your current situation, your arousal was becoming too strong to ignore. However, the growl in your stomach showed what you needed more at the moment.

“Loki, I love you. But I’m so hungry, can we eat first?” You ask him.

Loki groaned in annoyance, “Just something quick?” He answers your question with another question. Though it was more of an offer for a compromise.

“I was thinking we could save it all for later. I want to go to the beach.” You tell him.

“So I have to wait until after dinner and a beach trip? Are you trying to kill me?” He attempts to guilt you.

You laugh at his borderline whining, “Let me reiterate, I want to have dinner, then go to the beach. A very private beach, alone with you.” You smirk, knowing he would get the hint.

You intended to have your private beach time with Loki last night, you had both hinted at it all day. That was until you got pulled into a drinking game with Natasha that you utterly lost and Loki had to carry you back up to your room.

His smirk matched yours, “You will not be having a drop of alcohol tonight to ensure that.” He demands.

You place your hand over your heart, “You have my word, tonight is about us.”

Finally, he sits up with you still on top of him, “As every night should be. Shall we?” He lifts you off of him and stands from the bed, placing you next to him.

Loki certainly looked like he literally laid in bed all day. His hair was a mess, his shirt long gone, and his lounge pants hung low on his hips. It was an insanely attractive look, though unfortunately, it was not dinner appropriate.

“You don’t look very ready.” You point out his disheveled appearance.

His appearance changes, a dark green tee covers his once exposed chest that you already missed dearly. Loose lounge pants turned into tight, black jeans, perfectly showing off the erection that you caused.

“Better?” He sarcastically asks, slightly raising his arms to present himself in his iconic pose.

“For now.” You tease and kiss him on the cheek.

–

You and Loki walked out to the outside dining area hand in hand. Everyone was too focused on their individual conversations to pay the two of you any mind. You felt relieved that everyone seemed to have already grown used to your relationship with Loki, or they just ignored it. You were happy either way, being teased by him and Natasha was enough. Extra pairs of prying eyes and questioning tongues would be too much for you to handle. You enjoyed being alone with him, even in a crowd it just felt like the two of you as he held your hand.

Loki quickly made his way to the self-serve buffet, dragging you behind him as you attempted to keep up with his stride.

“I thought you weren’t hungry?” You ask teasingly, recalling his dramatic words from earlier.

“Realistically, I could go days without eating. Tonight, however, I am hungry for something more delicious than any meal on earth or Asgard.” He turns slightly to give you a lustful glare, “Therefore, I want to eat and get out of here as quickly as possible.” He states, loading two plates, one for you and one for him.

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, mischief. If you eat too fast you’ll get sick and then neither of us get what we want.” You tell him.

Loki scoffs as he holds the plates and guides you to a lonesome table, “Unlike you, darling, I have self control. And I know better than to get involved in a drinking contest with a Russian woman.”

“I never turn down a challenge, you of all people should know that.” You roll your eyes as you sit down to eat.

“You’re lucky you didn’t get alcohol poisoning.” He states, remembering how he carried your drunken form all the way back to your room from the beach.

“I have a great tolerance, excuse you. I lasted longer than the other girls.” You remind him.

Loki let out a sarcastic chuckle before taking another bite. You loved to see him like this. He was always happiest when he could be himself, teasing you and being generally mischievous.

Almost on cue, Natasha walks over with a drink in her hand, “Drink?” She offers, giving Loki a knowing look as he glared at her.

You laugh at the way they looked at each other with fuming anger, “Not tonight, Natty. I’m still recovering.” You put your hand up slightly as you turned down her offer.

“If you say so.” She smirks, taking a sip of the drink, “Any big plans tonight?” She asks.

“We were just going to go walk our dinner off at the beach afterwards.” You tell her, purposefully keeping your plans vague. Loki nodded along, hoping that your friend would mind her own business for once.

Natasha smirks, knowing that she was currently pissing off your boyfriend, “Me and the girls were thinking of a night swim, would you like to join us?” She asks you, ignoring Loki’s painful glare.

Before you could answer, Loki speaks up for you, “No. She would not.”

You try your best to not giggle at him, he was making damn sure that he would not be deprived of you for another night.

“Hey! How about you let her answer the question.” She snaps at him, leaning down to whisper not so quietly in your ear, “Is he always this controlling? I’m worried.” She asks, knowing that Loki could fully hear her.

Glancing at Loki’s handsome, unamused face, you answered her. “He’s just antsy, I promised him something.” You hint, hoping that your answer would push her away.

“Ooh-” She realizes and stands up straight, raising her hands on your shoulders, “I see how it is.” She brushed your hair back to reveal the mark at the base of your neck. Loki was about to leave fifty more on you if she kept this up, “Have fun with her, she’s special, y’know?”

You giggle at her words, she was doing everything she could to make him despise her right now.

“Oh- I am very aware of how special she is.” He growls, eyes fuming with jealousy. It caused a rush of heat to flow between your thighs.

“Good. Because if you hurt her, I will kill you.” She threatens the god across from you.

You speak up before Loki could get a word out, “Thank you, Natasha. Go bother Steve or Bruce.” You suggest.

She giggles before stepping away, “If you insist, see you around.” She plays with your hair once more before walking back to her table.

You watch her before turning back to the jealous god, his glare now turned on you.

“What?” You ask with a hint of attitude.

Loki sighs, sitting back in his chair, “Finish your dinner.”

Both of you finished your food in a rushed silence. Loki wanted nothing more than to slip away from the crowd with you, unnoticed and unbothered.

As the two of you went to make your leave, Thor stepped in front of Loki, stopping his eager brother in his tracks.

“Brother! Off so soon? There is a whole night ahead of us! Give the lady a break.” Thor slurs, clearly a few drinks in.

Loki rolls his eyes at Thor. You stood next to him in silence, watching the way Loki clenched his jaw in annoyance. He was so hot when he was pissed, and everyone seemed to go out of their way to get on his nerves tonight. In an unintended way, it prolonged your teasing. Loki would have a copious amount of pent up emotions that he would be taking out on you in the best way possible later. And you couldn’t wait.

“Mind your own, brother. She is fine.” He holds your hand a little tighter.

“I’ve had a long day Thor, I’m just ready to retire for the night. I’ll join you guys tomorrow.” You speak up, intending on sounding like you innocently wanted to go to bed.

Thor’s eyes dart between you and Loki for a few seconds, then a warm smile appears on the blond god’s face, “If you insist.” He acknowledges your statement before he looked at his raven haired brother, “I’m happy for you, Loki. You deserve a love like her’s” He pats his younger brother on the shoulder.

You could tell that Loki was caught off guard by Thor’s words. Even if they were the words of a tipsy god, they were sincere. Loki is frozen in place, staring at his brother with wide eyes as he stumbles away, demanding another drink from the bar.

“Hey, are you okay?” You ask as you squeeze his hand for comfort.

Loki breaks out of his trance and looks over to you, “Never better.” He smiles genuinely. Your chest warmed and your heart skipped a beat. He was so beautiful when he was happy. It wasn’t an emotion that he showed to others often. You get to see that smile every day, the same smile that you see when you wake up next to him in the morning after a night of pleasure. It was the smile of a man who had found everything he wanted after years of searching. You mirrored his joy with a smile of your own. Everyone probably thought the two of you looked insane as you briefly shared a moment of happiness with him. They would never understand how he made you feel.

–

The water reflected the pale moonlight as you walked hand in hand with Loki across the shore. You were making your way to a secluded cove that you found earlier, knowing that it would be the perfect spot. Your other hand held a rolled up beach towel that you quickly grabbed from your room. Sex on the beach was exciting and all, however, you wanted to keep the sand out of places it had no business being in.

Loki was surprisingly quiet. At first you wondered if he was still upset from this morning, then you realized that for once in his long life, he was at peace. He didn’t have to prove himself to anyone or deal with the stress of battle. He was content. You could tell that he was thinking though, what it was about, you had no idea.

“Are you still there?” You quietly ask him.

“Me? Of course I am.” He answers.

“Just making sure. Y’know, if you’re tired we can just head back-” You began to tease before he cut you off.

“No! This is all I longed for all day, we will not be interrupted in our time together.” He growled, walking a little faster to reach your destination ahead.

“Just making sure.” You giggle at his eagerness, “You just looked lost in thought. Was it Thor?”

Loki sighs, “Partially, Yes. He caught me off guard with that statement.” He admits.

“You know what they say, drunken words are sober thoughts. He loves you, Loki. No matter what, he will always be your brother.”

“I know. He’s an oaf, but I love him. He’s all I have for my family. Don’t tell him that I said that.” His voice darkens threateningly at his last few words.

“I won’t.” You laugh a little at his empty threat, “What else are you thinking about?”

“What makes you think I’m thinking of something else?” He questions.

“Well, you said that Thor was partially the reason. What’s the other part?” You hoped you weren’t prying too much.

Loki gives you a strange side glance before looking ahead once more, “Natasha. She’s too comfortable.”

“Ooh-” You realize his jealousy, “You know how us girls can be, we tell each other everything.”

“I am aware of how your female friendships can be. But she’s… flirting.” He states in concern.

“Don’t feel threatened by her, she just likes to tease.” You tell him, hoping to ease his worries.

“May I ask you something personal, darling? You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable.” His thumb strokes the skin of your soft hand, reminding you that you were safe with him.

“What is it?” You ask cautiously.

Loki is silent for a few seconds, mentally searching for the correct words to say. “I apologize if I misread things, please tell me if I'm wrong. You are just so close, so comfortable with her. I know that you aren’t like that with the others. Was there ever a point where you two were perhaps… more than friends?” He reveals his curiosity.

Your eyes widened a bit, he noticed everything, “It was never serious, just some fun to keep each other company late at night.” You admit.

“I’m sorry if I was prying too much. I was just curious.” He apologizes.

“It’s fine. I’m not ashamed or anything, girls are hot too.” You tell him, feeling comfortable in his presence.

“So… You are interested in both sexes?” He asks for your confirmation.

“Who am I to be picky? I’ve felt this way since I was pretty young. It isn’t a problem, is it?” You look at him in a brief fear of rejection.

“No no! Not at all, I am the same way!” He admits with pride, happy that he can share this topic with you.

Pure joy runs through your body as you stop walking and leap into his arms, “I love you, so much. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Loki kisses your forehead, cradling your head as he did so, “I love you too, darling. You mean everything to me.”

You both pull back from the tight embrace to meet your lips in a passionate kiss. The waves of the endless ocean lapped over your bare feet as you stood on the tips of your toes to kiss the tall god. His strong arms wrapped possessively around your waist as he pulled you flush with his body. His neglected erection from earlier pressed against your lower stomach as he pushed his hips into yours slightly.

“How much longer?” He asks, growing impatient.

“It’s right up ahead.” You take his hand and lead him towards the secluded cove.

A brisk walk turned into a slow jog with Loki. Eventually, you dropped his hand and ran in front of him as he kept up. The thrilling feeling of being chased by the ravenous god turned you on immensely. It was like you were the prey and he was the hunter, ready to claim his next meal.

The privacy of the cove soon surrounded you as you finally reached your destination. When you stopped running and looked behind you, Loki was nowhere to be found. You grew scared for a fleeting second before you felt two strong arms cage your body from behind. You gasp as Loki places a kiss on your neck.

“Cheater!” You accuse him, knowing he teleported ahead of you.

“All is fair in love and war.” He retorts before laying the towel neatly on the ground with his magic.

Still standing, he kisses you deeply, passionately. The crescent moon gave the perfect amount of light as it reflected off the water. Loki slid the straps of your dress off your bare shoulders, kissing your skin as he did so. You knew he would leave more marks. Now, however, you wanted them. You belonged to Loki and he belonged to you. And who is to say that you can’t leave a few marks of your own on his glowing alabaster skin?

Your hands slide underneath his emerald green tee, lifting it slightly to expose his perfect stomach. You ran your hand up from his abdomen to his chest. Loki took the hint, pulling away from the kiss as he raised the useless fabric over his head. Gods he was beautiful.

Stepping back before his lips could find yours again, you abandon your dress. The only fabric on your body was the white bikini you had been wearing all day.

“What was that you said? About how you swam naked on Asgard?” You start with a smirk.

Loki’s lips twitched, knowing where this was going. “That it was the way the gods intended.” He finishes.

“And who are we to disappoint them?” You ask, untying your bikini top. Loki quickly removes his pants and underwear, leaving him perfectly bare before you in the moonlight.

Before your fingers could slip into your bottoms to remove them, Loki interrupted, “Please, allow me.” He offers, as if he wanted to unwrap his own gift.

You raise your hands in surrender, allowing Loki to do as he wished. He got on his knees in front of you, his hand pressed on your inner thigh, motioning for you to part your legs slightly. You do as he wants, standing with your legs slightly wider so that he can remove your final piece of clothing, if you could even call it that. He slowly slips the smooth bottoms from your hips, letting his hands run over your ass as he did so. Loki places a chaste kiss on your hip bone, worshiping you as if you were the god in this situation. Finally, the white bottoms fall to the sand beneath you, a visible wet spot from your arousal was evidence for your desire.

Loki slowly stands so that he is towering over you once again. His hands run down your back to your ass, giving it a slight squeeze which causes you to jump slightly at his touch. You start walking backwards toward the ocean behind you, stopping once the water kisses your heels. Loki was right in front of you, his eyes never leaving yours despite your nude form that he could be staring at if he so wished. Instead he focused on you, the way that your hand wrapped around his arm to lead him into the water with you. He didn’t just want your body, he wanted your soul.

Loki switched your positions so that he was the one leading you into the vast water, you held his hands as the waves lapped around your waist. He pulled you flush with him once again, pulling you into another passionate kiss. Everything felt ethereal, his wet skin against yours, the motion of the water against your body, it felt like a dream. Loki gently bit your lip teasingly as he pulled away, leaving you craving his taste. His hand cups some of the salty water and playfully pours it over your head, he watches as the droplets run down your nose, to your jaw, and eventually down your neck and chest.

“Great, now I have to wash my hair again.” You pout.

“Shhh…” He leans closer to your ear, his hand finding its place as it cupped one of your breasts, “No complaints tonight, just go with it.”

You gasp as two of his fingers tease your nipple, causing it to harden beneath his pinching motions. Your nails rake down the pale expanse of his back to his ass. You can’t help but give it a playful smack beneath the water.

“Watch it.” He growls in his best attempts to be intimidating.

“Apologies, my king. I suppose you can’t take what you hand out.” You smirk.

Loki simply responds by splashing you once again as he laughed. You do the same in return, making sure to soak his black curls. What was foreplay with Loki without at least a little bit of mischief? You expected him to splash you even harder, or maybe dunk you beneath the water. Instead he smiles, feeling a certain type of happiness that he had never felt before. He could never describe it if he tried, but it was a feeling that he could certainly get used to. His genuine smile threw you off guard for a few seconds. Your heart may have skipped a few beats at the sight of his pure happiness.

Once his eyes found yours again, he pulled your body towards him. Bending his knees slightly, he held the backs of your thighs and motioned for you to jump slightly so that he could hold you up. With no words exchanged, you took his hints, wrapping your legs around his slutty waist. His throbbing cock pressed against your wet cunt, causing you to moan at the contact. Your lips found his once again, your arms wrapped around his neck as he began to walk back to the shore. A slight chill ran over your wet skin as the humid air made contact with it.

When you and Loki completely emerged from the waves, lips never parting, he laid you down gently on the towel he had laid out. His perfect frame encased yours as he made his way down your body, placing wet kisses on your salty skin. Your fingers tangled in his raven locks that fell over his shoulders like a waterfall in the night. His lips ghosted over your mound, once again he was about to eat you out until you saw figurative stars instead of the literal ones that watched you in the sky.

One fat lick from his tongue on your slit had you gasping for air. “So wet for me, like a good girl.” He growls seductively.

“It’s always for you.” You speak quietly, he still hears you over the sound of the crashing waves.

“As it should always be.” You feel him smirk against your pussy before he opens his mouth more to slip his tongue in and out of your wet entrance and up to your clit, where he circles it expertly.

Soon his fingers join in. Along with his tongue and lips, he brings your climax closer and closer. A needy groan escaped his lips and reverberated through your core when you pulled on his hair, knowing that he absolutely loves it.

“L-Loki, i’m not… gonna-” You attempt to warn him among wanton moans, “I’m not gonna last.”

He stops his oral motions and continues to circle your clit with his skilled fingers, “So soon? How desperate were you for me all day?”

“S-so desperate, my king.” You moan out his ego boosting nickname.

“And you expect your king to grant you mercy tonight? After you treated him so poorly?” He teases, recalling your earlier interaction that you still felt guilty about.

“I’m sorry, Loki… AGH!” You squeal as two of his fingers dip inside of your entrance.

“Ohh~ I know sweet thing. I’ll accept your apology if you cum on my fingers right now. Show me how much you need me.” He encourages you with a seductive growl.

With a desperate yet worshiping scream of his name that faded into the salt air, you came around his talented fingers. He pumped them slowly, working you gently through your high as his eyes remained trained on your bliss ridden face. You grabbed his wrist as you became overstimulated. He withdrew and leaned down to kiss your panting lips.

“You did so well darling.” He mumbles against the soft skin of your lips. His hand ran up and down the skin of your trembling thigh.

You smiled, finally opening your eyes that were once screwed shut to meet his. Your hands cupped his beautiful face before running down his neck to his pale chest. You sat up, using your momentum to push him so that he laid on his back against the towel. Your legs rested on either side of his hips as your lips began to explore downwards from his neck.

“I’m afraid…” You speak against his skin before raising your head to look him in the eye, “Just an apology won’t suffice.” The tip of your finger ran down his abdominal muscles to his happy trail and eventually the base of his throbbing cock.

“I can assure you it will. However, you do as you see fit to show how sorry you are.” He smirks in hidden excitement for what you are about to do.

“Oh, I will.” Your mouth makes its way down his torso to meet your hand at his member.

In your oral apology, you still can’t help but tease him. His desperate whines were music to your ears as you placed light kisses on his leaking tip and down his shaft. His strong hand held your hair like the true gentleman he was. You even swore you heard him mutter a soft “please”.

Deciding that you were already too mean to him earlier today, you open your mouth to take his length. As you told the girls earlier, he was huge, you doubted that you could completely take him down your throat. Your hand massaged his base, moving downwards to play with his balls which caused his breath to hitch in his throat. This was your first time going down on him, and you were gonna make sure he would never forget it.

Your tongue lapped around his head before moving down further on his shaft. Your eyes looked up at him to find his head completely thrown back in pleasure. Happy with his reaction, you took half of his cock into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you began to suck ever so slightly. Your hand continued to stroke what you assumed you couldn’t reach. Loki’s hand moved in tandem with your bobbing movements.

“Fuck darling- that’s perfect.” He moaned, encouraging your movements. His hips raised in desperation to push his cock further into your mouth. Bracing yourself on his thighs, you allowed him to do so. You relaxed your throat to take as much of him as you could. Unfortunately, gagging was inevitable and you felt the need to come up for air. Loki must have sensed this as he spoke, “Through your nose, darling. Breathe.” He spoke like he was the one with a dick down his throat right now.

Nevertheless, you took his advice and took a deep breath through your nostrils before Loki motioned for you to move your head again. For a few more seconds, you did as he asked before he moaned loudly and pushed you off.

“Did I do something wrong?” You ask breathlessly, cautiously.

Loki smiles beneath you, his hand raised to cup your cheek, “Of course not sweet girl. You were amazing, I just wanted to cum inside that pretty little cunt. If I may, of course.”

You beam with pride at his praise, “Of course. I just haven’t done that excessively before.” You confess. It was true, you were never interested in going down on any of your male partners before, only doing it if you were comfortable, which was rarely. Loki was different, however, he deserved every touch and every ounce of praise. For the first time in your life, you actually enjoyed giving a blowjob.

“Don’t grow tired of it now, love. We have four more vacation days ahead of us, and many, many more after that.” He smirks briefly before you lean down to place a kiss on his boastful lips.

Your wet folds outline his cock against his stomach as you grind your hips against his. The kiss became deeper as his tongue slipped into your mouth. His hands grasped your hips, guiding their movements against him.

“No more teasing today, please.” He begs, much to your surprise.

“Aww, were you desperate for me too, mischief?” You rock your hips back, catching the tip of his cock.

“Always, darling.”

Happy with his answer, you slide down onto his twitching length. Both of you gasped in unison as you sat there for a few seconds. In his desperation, Loki began to thrust his hips upwards. Even beneath you, he still craved control. You moved in rhythm with him as you bounced on his cock. Your hands balanced you on his chest as his made their way up to your breasts that were bouncing hypnotically above him.

“Loki- fuck… You feel so good inside me.” You moan out, barely thinking before you speak.

“Good girl, keep riding me, just like that.” His words cause you to clench around his cock.

Swiftly, Loki sat up, using one arm behind him to support his body as his other arm wrapped around your waist. He could be closer to you in this position, kiss you better, fuck you better. Your fingernails dug into his broad shoulders as his hips moved like the waves behind you. His mouth found the crook of your neck, after the first gentle bite, you knew there would be more marks. And now, you were ready for payback.

Moving your hips in more of a grinding motion so that your clit would be stimulated by his pubic bone and hair, you moved your head, pushing him away slightly before you latched onto him. It was time for the god to wear a mark or two of his own. So that everyone knew that he was yours.

“Oh, you minx.” He groaned, knowing full well what you were doing.

You couldn’t keep up your confident, teasing persona for long before you started whining and moaning into the skin of his shoulder. His hips moved faster and his fingers found your clit, making you a shaking mess on top of him.

“Loki! I’m gonna cum-” You warn him, wrapping your arms around his neck so that you could be as close to him as possible.

“I know darling, cum with me.” He whispers into your ear.

You don’t hold back your body or voice as you shake on top of him as he triggers your orgasm. Loud moans and pleas in the form of the god’s name left your lips as you came. Loki follows right behind you, holding you tight as he finds release deep inside your pussy as it flutters around him.

Both of you stay like that for a second, taking in every breath in the blissful moment. Loki can feel wetness where your face is resting on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He asks, making sure that you were crying tears of pleasure and nothing else.

You pull back to kiss him softly, your fingers toying with the definition of his cheekbones. When you pull away, his hands come up to wipe your tears from your flushed cheeks.

“Never better.” You reassure him before wrapping your arms around him once again.

“Good girl.” He mutters before laying back down on the towel with you on top of him, he heard you let out a soft whine as he removed his softening cock from your spent channel.

After he cleans you both up with his magic, you both lie there, still naked as you found comfort in the skin to skin contact. You laid next to him with your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as you both looked at the stars in post coital bliss.

Eventually, you drifted off. Not worrying about your location or bareness at the moment. You trusted Loki and knew that he would never allow you to be found and exposed like this. You left your whole being in his hands as he held you close.

“I love you.” You heard him mumble in your state of light sleep.

“Love you too.” You barely speak out in your drowsy state. You would never deny him the reassurance that you loved him back. If you could, you would remind him every second for the rest of his life.

It was there, on a secluded beach within an unfamiliar island, in the arms of your lover, you found your home.

—

Tags: @buttercupcookies-blog @muddyorbs @divinemoonlight31

(Let me know if you want to be added for future smuttiness!)

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thinkin-bout-milgram · 11 months

Text

Mahiru Shiina: Trial 2 Synthesis Theory

Hello everyone! For the “I Love You” drop, I’m just going to jump straight into a full-length theory because I have a LOT that I want to cover and it’s much more comprehensive than my initial thoughts posts usually are. This is partially because all four other admins helped me out, as well as our 6th roommate who isn’t an admin!

As always, I will be using the very fast translation done by @onigiriico, which is linked here! I’ll also be using @iaobug ‘s wonderful translation of Mahiru’s 16 step guide in This Is How To Be In Love With You, which I’ll put here.

T/W: Suicide, stalking, kidnapping/abduction, toxic relationships, murder, hanging, drowning, malnourishment, force feeding a rat. There WILL be images so please read at your own discretion!

Alright, let’s jump into it!

Mahiru’s murder took place in Aokigahara, AKA the Sea of Trees, AKA the Suicide Forest.

This is based on an initial post by @tomoesan, which has since become unavailable. I’ll post a photo of it here, though:

It compares Mahiru’s murder location on her card from Undercover to a real place in Japan: Aokigahara. From the pictures, it’s very clear that this was an intentional move by the artists to place Mahiru’s murder somewhere actively recognizable through some google searches. I firmly believe that the forest that they move through in the MV is Aokigahara.

That’s not all, though. From this image, you can pretty clearly see that the photo seems to be taken from inside a cave. We’ve determined this specific cave to be Ryugu Cave, or The Dragon Cave.

This article shows the exact same photo in the earlier post, citing it as being from the Ryugu Cave.

The Ryugu Cave also contains the Seno Umi Shrine, within it. You can read a bit about it here, but I firmly believe this to be the shrine mentioned on Day 15 of This Is How To Be In Love With You; more on that later.

Furthermore, the shrine is to Toyotama-hime. In mythology, this references a goddess who falls in love with a prince at a water well. However, he breaks a promise not to spy on her, which results in him seeing her in a monstrous form. Given the lyrical translation of daisuki (which should just mean I love you repeatedly) in the chorus to “monstrously in love,” “monstrous cause I love you,” “monstrous dilemma”... I think that the writers absolutely knew what they were going for, and they were giving a nod to this specific story and the shrine, with Mahiru being the lover turned monster.

Based on all of this, and the fact that I do believe Mahiru’s lover committed suicide, I think that all signs point to Aokigahara, specifically Ryugu Cave, being the location of the murder. I’ll be using this assumption throughout the rest of my theory.

I’ll follow along with the guide, starting at Days 1-8.

I think that Mahiru portrays Days 1-8 approximately correctly.

Days 1-7 are, I think, completely correct. Mahiru meets this guy, assumes it’s fate, and does small things to try to get closer to him and get to know about him. At this point, things probably seem completely normal to him, so there wouldn’t be any reason for him to reject her jogging with him or whatever.

Day 8 is when she waits outside his work, takes him to the park and presumably confesses her love to him. This is where her first inconsistency is.

She says that they talked the night away, but she also says that she “chooses not to believe they talked the night away” and that “it felt like no time passed at all.” She also very notably doesn’t actually say what his response was, though she implied it was positive.

I think that it was actually very short; rather than them talking the night away, he probably swiftly rejected her. This, therefore, ends Mahiru’s attempts to get him into a relationship normally. If he won’t love her the way she wants him to, she’ll find a way to make it happen, no matter what.

Mahiru sets a plan into action, starting Day 9.

This is the first page in her journal where the text switches from normal, pristine rows to slanted text. That’s a sign that something is going wrong.

She mentions that her “boyfriend” is really cute when he’s blackout drunk. I think that it’s possible she drugged him, but even if she didn’t, she used this to get some kind of information. It’s possible she brought him back to his house, getting his address, possibly even stealing keys or something like that.

I’d theorize that, rather than going here together, she followed him to the bar. Once he was pretty drunk, it’d be a lot easier to convince him to go along with her.

Day 10 is her talking to her beautician; I think that’s all correct. The beautician simply heard about the story through Mahiru’s eyes.

Day 11 is, I think, similar to the bar; she probably followed him to the “date” location. She says it “can’t be a coincidence” their tastes are so similar and that she’s become a different person. That indicates that this isn’t actually a shared taste: he went to the location and she followed him there.

On Day 12, Mahiru abducts her lover.

Day 12 is the day when Mahiru goes to his house for the first time, but somehow, she can’t actually seem to remember anything.

While that alone is suspicious, there’s also the mirror. We can see her beautician in the mirror, so the fact that he isn’t in the mirror at all seems to imply that he isn’t within the camera’s view at all. Why is she in his entryway without him there to greet her?

The answer is that she’s uninvited. She enters his home, and she takes him. That’s what I think the shot of her jumping on the couch spreading the flowers in This Is How To Be In Love With You is:

Rather than this being her killing moment, I think that this is her going in and snatching him from his own house. I firmly believe that Mahiru took him to Aokigahara, and I think that this is when she did it.

The scene in the house with the feathers immediately follows Day 12, so it makes sense chronologically. Additionally, for Day 13 onwards, the text switches from just being slanted to being stitched together from smaller boxes; it seems like it’s mimicking a ransom note that’s patched together from magazine or book clippings. This indicates that this is when Mahiru is more actively committing a crime: in this case, kidnapping.

Days 13-15 are Mahiru moving the body.

If we assume that Mahiru’s end destination is Ryugu Cave based on earlier research, Days 13, 14 and 15 can be interpreted as movement.

Day 13 may seem strange, given that it’s Mahiru seemingly attending a wedding. However, if you pay careful attention to her phrasing, she does not say that she actually attended. She says that she was invited, and that soon, her dreams will come true. I think it’s possible that the wedding location was closer to Aokigahara–it’s near Mt. Fuji, so I’d imagine there could be some scenic locations or something–and she’s mentally using the wedding as a justification for heading that direction. Maybe she even did attend, if it was over that way.

Day 14 is an outdoor date under the stars. She practically begged him to come along. This is her taking him into the woods. I’m not sure exactly how compliant he was being and if she literally dragged him or if he was in more of a “resisting seems like a bad idea” kind of headspace, but I believe that Day 14 is them arriving at the forest and entering.

It’s notable that, in the scenes in I Love You, Mahiru seems to be leading her lover into the forest. Here’s a screenshot from around 1:37:

At this point, it doesn’t seem like he’s being forced. However, this ends with him groveling on the ground at 1:55.

Comparing that to the image immediately after, we understand that Mahiru isn’t seeing the situation clearly. Given that he’s in this kneeling position in both shots, I think it’s safe to say that the shots with the golden lighting are the situation through Mahiru’s eyes.

He’s very clearly actually beaten down and miserable, but Mahiru depicts them as a cute and happy couple. In fact, at 1:20, the lyrics support this interpretation:

This too-perfect image of her relationship is captioned with “I actually believed that.” It’s telling us, the audience, that while she actually, genuinely believed that these fantasy segments were reality, we, perhaps, should not do the same. These fantasy segments aren’t real.

Mahiru has already proven her capability of being an unreliable narrator in the past, concealing a lot of information within the text of her 16 Day Guide. I don’t want to completely discount these fantasies, but I’m trusting the side by side comparisons it gives us that they are NOT, in any way shape or form, what she portrays them as. I don’t want to take any of it at face value.

Anyways, Day 15 is the end destination of their journey: the arrival at Ryugu Cave. This is the shrine that she mentions.

As stated earlier, Ryugu Cave contains a shrine. Though the cave isn’t available to tourists, that just increases the chances that Mahiru could get away with imprisoning her captive there without being spotted by the patrols that go through.

For reference, this cave is very deep: 96 m, or approximately 315 ft. It would be pretty hard for him to escape once they’re there, which resounds with her wish: they’ll stay like that until the end of time, and no one will stand in her way.

Day 16 is… a snapping point.

Day 16 is when we see Mahiru prepare her lovely boyfriend a wonderful meal of all his favorites. I think that this is when the 2:13/2:14 fantasy split happens:

While she sees herself giving him cake pleasantly, in reality, she seems to be… force feeding him a rat??

I know some people think that the cake is a metaphor for toxicity, and that because he feeds it to her first in the video, it means that the relationship is mutually toxic. From what I’ve seen, this theory completely disregards both the rat aspect and the fantasy filter over the cake scene. I think it’s far more likely that him feeding her cake was Mahiru idealizing the real events. Maybe she ate the rats, too, and she liked to think he’d feed her, too. It’s them eating together; if the cake can be a rat, him feeding it to her can be a similarly significant misperception.

In any case, given that this is the last day in the guide, I think that this is the end of the line for him. He can’t take being her captive anymore, and sometime when she’s not away, he commits suicide.

I’m not entirely sure how. Obviously, we see him hanging at several points in the video, most prominently at the end:

But we can also see that he appears to be soaked with water at the very beginning.

There are lakes within Ryugu Cave. They’d also likely be cold enough to give him some form of hypothermia, explaining the blue tint to his skin in the second of the two images (he seems to have dried off by the second). Because of this, I’m somewhat inclined to lean towards drowning because it seems like it would have been more accessible to him. In that case, though, I’m not sure how he ends up hanging. I don’t feel like Mahiru would put him there; it feels much more likely to me that she would jump into the lake with him so that they could be together forever or something.

So, I’m not sure whether he hangs himself or drowns himself, but the gist is, he ends up dead. That’s what Mahiru blames herself for.

VOTE: GUILTY

I know that she’s currently leaning innocent and many people feel strongly about it, but please hear me out here.

In Mahiru’s audio drama, she very clearly does not grasp the gravity of what she did. If she really did kidnap him, bring him to the suicide forest and force feed him rats… that is NOT loving someone “normally,” as she’s so insistent that she did.

Her current perception is that when she loves someone normally, it’s wrong. That’s what she’s said about her guilty verdict. However, if we switch gears and vote her innocent, what will that tell her?

I think it would tell her that her love is okay–and, to the delusional Mahiru, that means saying that all of what she did is okay. If she believes this is loving someone normally, then I’d rather tell her not to love anyone like this again. It’s going to be hard for her to accept, and I recognize we might lose her between trials, but I think telling her that this is okay is even worse.

I do meta vote, but I do it in the context of trying to secure as many viable innocent votes for the third trial as possible. I think that, if we vote Mahiru innocent, she’ll go back to her fully delusional self. I think guilty is the only way to make the message stick, and the message has to stick if she has a chance at getting an innocent verdict in the end. I really urge you to consider it, because I think that voting her innocent will be a huge mistake on the fanbase’s part (which is the same exact way I felt about the Kotoko vote in Trial 1).

#admin venus #milgram #ミルグラム #mahiru shiina #milgram theory #mahiru milgram #sorry it's sorta late! we were researching REAL hard #this one really messed us up #the fact that it happened in a real location that i can learn actual info about just... it feels less like fiction #listen guys i also really like mahiru #but i for real feel like some of you guys are kidding yourselves too #this wasn't a mutually toxic relationship that was both of their faults. only one of them abducted the other into the suicide forest #please at least consider the guilty vote #if we vote her inno this round then i don't think she has a shot at being releasable back into society at the end #fr yall dont understand how hard we were researching stuff we went full bonkers mode for ~2 hours researching & there was 6 of us -mercury

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thevulcanbobdylan · 2 months

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Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

I love this idea!! Thanks for the tag @virtualtaleinternet. I'm probably gonna play a little fast and loose with the definition of "line" lol. These are all Roslin/Adama unless otherwise specified

Know You Anywhere: tour-of-the-multiverse AU fic

It took all of Laura’s energy not to sway on her feet.

Whatever It Takes: the babyfic nobody wants, now with Chamalla Visions ™️

The snakes were, perhaps, the worst of it. Bad enough to bear confessing. There were other visions, less terrifying, more familiar, and these she kept to herself.

Insomnia: smut 😁

Laura stretched one foot backward, seeking the edge of the blanket and a breath of cool air.

Standstill: (Fringe) Peter/Olivia angst

He’s waiting on the steps when she pulls in. The headlights sweep over him, sitting forward with his elbows on his thighs, watching her.

The Bond: Spirk smut and angst

The emptiness was shocking in its completeness. The last time Spock had been this isolated within his own mind, he had been a child of seven, barely aware even of himself. Then, T’Pring had been there

Looking Through Glass: post-canon BSG fix-it with OCs

Bal had skinned both his knees on sharp stones. The pain had brought big tears to his eyes, and they'd rolled down his cheeks before he could stop them, leaving tracks in the dust that had settled there.

Another Dance: (the Sopranos) Carmela/Furio smutttt

Furio had never made a habit of considering the aftermath.

Things Seen Clearly: five times Bill borrowed Laura's glasses, and one time he didn't

The coffee table was a mess.

The Only Home Left Anywhere: post-mutiny reunion angst

Laura was weeping. Not brushing away stubborn tears, nor welling up with closely held feeling, but falling apart, body racked with breathless sobs.

As a treat, the 10th one is my unposted, almost finished Lokius fic:

Centuries: during the centuries-long time jump, Loki seeks comfort with variants of Mobius from time to time

Slipping back to Mobius was so natural, Loki did it almost without thinking.

Lol my pattern is, like, pathologically short, abrupt sentences. Taken all together, I hate it 😂

Ok now the hard part, please don't hate me if I somehow make this weird or cringe 😅😅😅🫠 tagging @allatariel @cryscal @mimine666

#wip asks

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thrilling-oneway · 1 year

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whenever people want to hate on d4dj why do they jump straight on "It's queerphobic bc..." as if it doesn't have the best queer rep of any rhythm game out there.

1757 words about queer representation in D4DJ and other rhythm/gacha games below cut

Like there are actual valid reasons to not like d4dj. There's definitely an issue with sexualising the high schoolers, I've made posts talking about it before. But at the same time, if you as someone who plays other of the major gacha/rhythm games is going to say that, you should probably address that SIF, bandori (and maybe enstars? it's been a while since I played) have some dodgy cards as well. Admittedly these cards are mainly old whereas D4DJ is still producing these, but you shouldn't act like your preferred game is perfect either.

But especially saying that D4DJ is queerphobic is so weird. To say that just proves you have no idea what actually happens in the game, and you're just taking screenshots out of context.

Firstly hayakoko. Okay so in the flashback where they get together they said "but we're both girls". Yeah, it's a cliche line that screams 'written by a hetero person', but within the context of the story it's not that bad if a little cringe. Neither Hayate or Kokoa had liked a girl before they started dating, this is literally stated on screen: Hayate says that she was a little surprised to realise that she had a crush on Kokoa. They're baby gay at this point in time. I think Kokoa's an interesting one to point out as well, because she's the one who said the line in the first place, and even after she admits that she likes Kokoa as well and they start dating, the True Love Kiss side story shows her being insecure about PDA in school. It reads a lot like she's had a very heteronormative upbringing, which is very common for queer people. It's probably more common in Japan where they still don't have equal rights for queer people (they don't have marriage equality, same-sex couples can't marry, the exception being if one is trans and hasn't legally changed their gender. and after they're married they can't legally change their gender). Not to mention she goes to catholic school, and as far as I know there's some issues there. So I don't see anything wrong with Kokoa not wanting to be out publicly, and being a bit insecure when she and Hayate confess. You gotta remember they are 15 as well (and ~14 when they started dating). Their relationship isn't going to be perfect, and that's normal.

And then Aoi and her gender presentation. Aoi has always been a very masculine presenting character, and is explicitly GNC, so I can understand that some people were disappointed with her wearing long hair and a ballgown in the Aoi & Haruna Relations event. But the anger some people hold towards this. Come on, how badly can you miss the point? Aoi's gender presentation has been a part of her character since her initial card story. She says she actually used to dress more feminine and have long hair in high school, but decided to change her look because she thought she suited the shorter hair. She also mentions that when she presented fem, she would be told she looked like a cross dresser, which obviously offended her. It's not hard to see that Aoi just wants to be seen as Aoi. It's not about how she presents her gender, she's still Aoi no matter how she dresses - Tsubaki mentions this in the A&H Relations. Nothing was retconned or de-canonised when Aoi wore hair extensions and a dress, it wasn't a sudden unnecessary change. The event explores the fact she wants to try different looks outside of her usual 'princely' one, but she's a bit of a people pleaser and is unsure about it because people associate Aoi with "androgynous good looks". There was no pressure from anyone to be feminine, there was actually pressure the other way. She wore a dress and had long hair for one (1) event, and 2 illustrations. Her most recent card has her in trousers with short hair again. Like you don't have to pounce on it being erasure because Aoi wanted to dress more feminine one time. She doesn't hate being GNC now, she's not permanently feminine now - Aoi being GNC is a part of who she is. Aoi being fluid with her gender expression is a part of her queerness and I don't get how you can miss the point so badly to call it erasure.

D4DJ is genuinely one of if not the best mainstream gacha/rhythm game for queer rep. There's so much more than just this: Tsubaki and Aoi are canonically in love with each other and there was even an attempted confession (they got interrupted), KyoShino have implied romantic feelings, same with NagiHiiro and RinMuni (mainly from Muni's side). Haruna was pretty much confirmed as lesbian during the A&H relations, and has had crushes on two separate characters. Saori's sapphic as well (there's one or two implications that she's bisexual). Having Hayate and Kokoa in a relationship opens the doors to more ships becoming canon in the future. The only negative representation I can think of in this game is Noa, so if you really want to go out of your way to say D4DJ is queerphobic, there you go. Noa likes cute thing, cute girls, and flanderisation took hold quickly to the point of her being creepily obsessed with the ri4 girls and a few others, and literally stalking them. Yikes. Her writing is improving though, especially in All Mix where she just occasionally comments on how cute they are without taking it too far, and they actually let her have other personality traits expressed that had pretty much been forgotten.

My point here is that if you're going to say D4DJ is bad rep or homophobic, you're admitting that your game is worse for representation. I'm not saying that the games in the "Big 3" (proseka/bandori/enstars) are bad by any means (idk about enstars actually I didn't play for very long), but D4DJ has definitely taken some big steps in queer representation that those games are seemingly too scared to make. Having a canon sapphic couple is a game like this is a huge deal, I'm not even sure if it's been done before. And before anyone says "but anhane and minoharu went on a double date in Buddy Funny Spend Time", neither of those pairs are stated or even fucking implied to be in a relationship outside of that event. It kinda just happens in one event, and even then it's still a bit vague on whether either of the couples are actually dating in the event. It's definitely heavily implied that anhane/minoharu have mutual romantic feelings, so they are arguably canon in that sense, just not in an established relationship sense. Bandori has done this as well with PareChu, have them go on dates and be clearly romantically interested in each other, only to never actually be a couple (I know tsumutsumu and reochi have called parechu an official couple, but that's word of saint paul rather than word of god, so take this how you will). Hayakoko is HUGE for this genre, and could mean good things in the future of other rhythm games (especially other Bushiroad ones).

--Break here where I went on a tangent about non-D4DJ queercoding--

Outside of schroedingers dating, both bandori and proseka have characters who are implied/canonically queer. I'll make this short because this is getting really long now and I apologise to anyone who's still reading.

For bandori, Arisa has a crush on Kasumi, Kaoru can be considered as canonically lesbian just from how she's presented, YukiLisa has a lot of implications for romantic feelings, as do MocaRan. Himari is also an interesting case, as she could be read as bisexual or comphet lesbian, it's never really made clear (at least as far as I know, I stopped playing bandori a while ago, and am not up-to-date on story, so anyone who's still reading feel free to add to this or correct me). There's probably some stuff missing here as well.

As for proseka, it actually has quite a lot of queercoding. I already touched on anhane and minoharu earlier, but Kohane and Minori are both heavily implied to be lesbian, An as well (although there's like one or two hints that she could be bi. I can cite them if needed). Mizuki is canonically transfeminine (their gender is unconfirmed), and they have been shown to be attracted to women. ShizuAiri and AkiToya have a lot of romantic implications in their relationships, EmuNene has gradually been getting more and more actually (Amidst a Dream). Ena is implied wlw and Rui is implied mlm okay I think I got everything tangent over.

--End of break--

Regardless of my criticisms, all of the games I've mentioned definitely show how much queer rep has grown and become a lot better in the last decade or so. While not focused on the rhythm game, the first generation of Love Live (2010-16) queerbaited* a fair amount. To give one example, there's an 'interview' with Honoka from 2015 where she heavily implies that she's straight, despite having ship tease with other female characters. Compare that to what we have 8 years later, and you can definitely see improvement. However I think it still needs to be addressed that what we have isn't perfect, and it probably will take while to get to a point where we can have more openly queer characters/couples, especially considering Japan as a country (and american/else localisation teams). But I think more people need to recognise how important D4DJ is for queer representation within this genre. It's really not common to have queer romance and gender presentation be directly addressed and frequently shown, and not just for the sake of making money.

I'm bad at ending essays.

* Queerbaiting - intentionally and maliciously leading a queer audience to believe they will receive representation which is then not provided. Whether the rhythm games mentioned do this or not is... debatable? It's done for the money which ticks the intentionally malicious box, queer people aren't for capitalising on. But a good amount of the time it's done to bait straight people who like yuri/yaoi. I do think it's queerbait though like heavily ship teasing a couple and then throwing in a line to imply one of them is straight definitely queerbaiting. april edit: it took me over a month to realise that there were words missing in that last sentence sorry about that. hi anyone who's reading this in the future

#this was going to be in the tags aside from the first sentence. good thing i changed my mind after 3 tags huh?#i love analysing queer rep it's really interesting #obviously I don't know everything and I have no authority over anything #and i'm no way saying i do. i just find looking at representation and a bit of history and culture interesting #(also im not sapphic so if anything is wrong here - please correct me or add!! it'd be much appreciated!)#i doubt many people will see this but still #d4dj #don't ask how long i spent writing this #oh also im not counting rev/star. this is abt rhythm games (censored so it doesn't show up in tags)#mine #rambles

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the-ninja-legacy-whip · 7 months

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Hiii I LOVE youre Ocs and especially Jesse's relationship with Cole! I have some questions to him if you don't mind! So Jesse started a crush in him since the moment he saw him because of Coles backstorie he heard from Wu right? And then started to actually fall in love the more time they spent together? What exactly is Jesse's type? Is he ever going to tell his family that he has powers? Do his power get weaker the more people know about his Power? I don't know if that was answered but how did Jesse meet Mystake? Would Wu have given a Epemental Compass to just anyone in Jesse's situation or was there a special reason? How is Wus and Jesse's relationship now? So I read that Cole already has a small unknown crush on Jesse but he is already in love with Zane? Is Cole just going to unlove himself from Zane? I can imagine that after book 4 Coles not gonna be ready to just forget about Zane and hear a love confession. Is Jesse going to get closer to the other Ninja expect Cole or is it only going to be mainly the two? What kind of training is Jesse doing since he can handle weapons and defeated some shark soldiers. Is it only thanks to his powers or does he do some regular actual training? If he did did he learn it from Dareth?

Hello!! Thanks for the kind words, and I don't mind the questions (esp about my boy <3). I'll try to answer what I can!!

So Jesse started a crush in him since the moment he saw him because of Coles backstorie he heard from Wu right? And then started to actually fall in love the more time they spent together? Correct! Although there is a bit of "school lore" we're missing here (i.e. "the Dodgeball Incident" referenced in B2Ch7, 8, and 11) that I...haven't got around to fully addressing yet. It's probably going to be a sidestory someday, but the long/short of it is that that's when Cole destroyed the school wall via dodgeball (while stopping Jesse from getting hurt), which also started the downfall of Cole's school reputation (and where Antonia first started picking up on Jesse's infatuation with Cole snksnk)

What exactly is Jesse's type? -> I guess you could say people who are inspirational, kind-hearted, good listeners, and fiercely protective of what they care about. Also helps if they're tall, have long hair, are physically strong, and they've got really pretty marigold and/or amber eyes—

Is he ever going to tell his family that he has powers? -> Technically, no, unless we count Miranda. But, the truth comes out eventually and he has to confess to other things as well

Do his powers get weaker the more people know about them? -> The more people know how his powers work, the weaker he will be, yes. Becoming predictable is like his kyrptonite here.

I don't know if that was answered but how did Jesse meet Mystake? -> She found him shortly after he "reached" his True Potential (as her tea shop is not that far from Jesse's family's shop, and Jesse was running around in a panic), and due to now sharing the same eye color (saturated pink), Jesse figured the woman had more answers than he did and heard her out, in which she then sent him to Wu.

Would Wu have given a Elemental Compass to just anyone in Jesse's situation or was there a special reason? -> Wu definitely wouldn't have given a Compass to just anybody, as he was so gunho for keeping the info secret for Lloyd's sake/protection. But because Jesse was struggling with his powers yet couldn't stay to train as a Spinjitzu Master, Wu gave him the Compass as a place to start.

"You will need the knowledge within the Elemental Compass, and of the connections between the Elements, if you wish to better your powers, despite not becoming a Master of Spinjitzu. …just know that the knowledge you carry has been stripped from the public for very sensitive reasons, and telling anyone of its existence…is not recommended. Can I trust you with that much, at least?"

and then he told Miranda and then the Ninja, whoops

How is Wus and Jesse's relationship now? -> On good terms! Though they won't have the opportunity to speak again for A While

So I read that Cole already has a small unknown crush on Jesse but he is already in love with Zane? Is Cole just going to unlove himself from Zane? -> mmmmmmm that's Season 3 spoilers.

I can imagine that after book 4 Coles not gonna be ready to just forget about Zane and hear a love confession. -> well ya got that much right, more or less. Just probably not in the way you're thinking :')

Is Jesse going to get closer to the other Ninja expect Cole or is it only going to be mainly the two? -> Nah, I've got plans for him to bond with the others at least a bit. For as cute as they are, it'd be boring if he only ever talked to Cole :V (...besides, he and Lloyd have shared Harumi trauma to stress over <3. But no I've got big intentions with Kai, Jay, and Nya...and then Zane too by popular demand lol. Just not all at once)

What kind of training is Jesse doing since he can handle weapons and defeated some shark soldiers. Is it only thanks to his powers or does he do some regular actual training? If he did did he learn it from Dareth? -> He hasn't solidified on a weapon yet, and has been mostly handling the Sharks thanks to his powers, but what little "actual" ninja training he's been getting has, as a matter of fact, been from Dareth. Whether it's "good" training or not remains to be seen. But saying more spoils Season 2 ;)

#legacyverse #the ninja legacy whip #info tag #oc: jesse marvell #book 3 #book 4 #book 5 #aftershockshipping

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kissmyhandcallmedarling · 2 years

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about a girl

tate langdon x reader

notes:

super short and mainly dialogue - tate confesses his feelings towards you

i really wanna get back into writing more - i just need to find the time!

also i haven't edited this so it's probably shit and had mistakes but oh well :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Got any Kurt Cobain?"

"Nirvana? Uhhh, I think I have one or two..."

"Can I have a look?"

"Sure."

Tate made his way over to your crate of records and began to flick through.

"It's crazy how these things are back in fashion now. What with music being available at the click of a button."

"I know. Most of them were my mom's; except Nirvana - I bought those myself. She was more of a Hole kinda gal."

"Eugghh! I hate that bitch." Tate cringed as he pulled out Pretty on the Inside from the collection. "Courtney Love can suck my ass."

You laughed and rolled your eyes. "What? You think she killed him? Don't tell me your one of those guys."

"No. I just don't like her."

"I don't like her much either." You pushed off the edge of the bed on which you were seated, and wandered over to Tate. "But you know who I do like..."

You reached into the crate, and accidentally brushed hands with Tate, as your respective fingers fumbled through the pile. You felt his eyes on you, but you didn't meet them. You simply located your vinyl and pulled it from the stash as though nothing happened.

"...Red Hot Chilli Peppers."

"Favourite song?"

"Under the Bridge." You wandered off again and resumed your station on the bed. To your surprise, Tate followed you. "What about you? What's your favourite Nirvana song?"

"...About a Girl."

"Nice."

"Y/n, can I be frank about something?"

"Sure."

Tate sat down beside you on the end of the bed; he was dressed, as always, in his layered striped sweater and cardigan, with ripped jeans and converse. He looked you in the eyes and this time you didn't avoid his gaze; you kept fixated on his dark, mellow pupils, contrasting perfectly with his dirty-blonde hair.

"I've been thinking a lot lately..."

He paused.

"...about a girl."

You waited for him to continue, as you noticed your heart begin to thump a little harder within your ribcage.

"...about you." Tate took your hand in his. "I really like you. And I know you probably don't feel the same, but I just wanted you to know. I get that-"

"I like you too."

"Really?" His face lit up, like that of a little child on Christmas morning. And it made your heart melt.

You nodded, and he leaned in to hug you, but you instead took his cheeks in your hands and pressed your lips to his.

He kissed you back, then rested his forehead against yours. His breath was warm on your face, his nose tickling yours.

"Tate..."

"Y/n... You mean that world to me."

#tate langdon #american horror story #evan peters #ahs fandom #ahs murder house #ahs #american horror story murder house #ahsfx #ahs apocalypse #tate x reader

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archivalofsins · 11 months

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So, there's something that we should probably be looking for in I Love You. Though it could be nothing.

In Backdraft people were able to identify another party shown to us in Bring It On by the watch they were wearing.

We don't see many people in This Is How To Be In Love With outside of Mahiru and her alleged significant other. However, we do see one other woman with a very identifiable article of clothing on her.

Taking into consideration the previous point and Mahiru's focus on clothing items I believe we should be looking out for her hairdresser's horseshoe necklace. Especially considering after day ten Mahiru's neck is either obscured by another item or she doesn't wear necklaces anymore.

Unlike on the day she confessed, day eight, where we see her wearing a heart-shaped necklace.

Day. 8

Plan of Action: Wait and ambush him in casual dress

I’m waiting for him until his part-time job is over. It’s a bit cold at this time of night, but I don’t mind at all. After all, I have something I absolutely have to tell him.

Even for a rougher style of dress you can’t be careless! Painted toenails and a necklace show some attention to detail to make for a sexy casual style. T-shirt, shorts, sandals, necklace ／ All personal possessions

It doesn't help that Mahiru says this in regard to her hairdresser,

Day. 10

Can’t go without my regular maintenance! ……he’s not the brightest, so hasn’t noticed though. The beautician I go to is actually my advisor when it comes to love too. She’s taught me so much……

Have fun spending a day to yourself to recharge all your feminine charms. The combination of beige and pink will make you love yourself as well. Hoodie, skirt, boots, bag, earrings ／ All personal possessions

There's a chance the person Mahiru was attempting to emulate was her.

If her hairdresser were the person, the object of her affections liked then she could have started going to her to figure out why he liked her. Or even collect information on their relationship under the guise of beauty salon small talk.

Such as,

"I just don't know where to start when it comes to romance; like where to go or how to meet up with people. How did you and your boyfriend meet?" Leading to them discussing her relationship casually under this idea of just giving her some advice.

This would give a different meaning to "....he's not the brightest, so hasn't noticed though." Because it could not only be referring to her hair but the fact that this woman is her hairdresser.

She also hones in on giving the mature oneesan look an image her hairdresser seems to give off in that muted turtleneck dress and subdued ponytail with the only accentuating item being a simple necklace. Mahiru's hair is even parted similarly to hers however it's still too short for her to wear it the same way as her.

If her hairdresser were in a relationship with the person Mahiru liked that would explain why it's only after this day she goes to his house. That is if the scenes we see are in chronological order with pieces in between missing. Because after all this time of seeing both of them either through school, running or work- They may have both begun to consider her a mutual friend and invited her over.

Hell, the guy may not have even invited her over. The girl could have which would explain the caught off look she has. If he reacted poorly or in surprise to her being the one to show up of course she'd be a bit startled. Especially considering before this Mahiru showed up at his place of work unexpectedly to confess and we're never told how she finds out where he works at.

We even see her boldly replicating this woman's hair style later

Despite her hair still being too short for it. If this is really the case, then we may not have seen the last of this hairdresser and it would explain why she's highlighted within Mahiru's first song at all.

#milgram #shiina mahiru

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shinidamachu · 2 years

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Hello, what’s your thought of Inuyasha episode 98 on Kagome and Kikyo alone in cave? Many say that Inuyasha was ooc in that episode as how strong his sense of smell is he would know that Kikyo near by and he will also be able to smell Kikyo on Kagome body but why he not choose to run to Kikyo? My personal opinion is not ooc for Inuyasha not run to Kikyo because there are many example throughout the canon.

Hello, anon! Thank you for your patience. This ask has been sitting on my inbox far longer than either of us would have liked, but here we are now.

Short answer is: I think "Kikyo and Kagome: Alone in the Cave" is overall a cute episode, but I agree with you: no, choosing not to seek Kikyo wasn't out of character for Inuyasha. At all. Obnoxiously long answer is... under the cut.

The first thing I want to address is that Inuyasha's heightened senses can be convenently inconsistent when the plot calls for it. Take "The Darkness in Kagome's Heart" for instance:

Now, we know she had this realization ages ago, but I believe it's the very first time she said it out loud and Inuyasha burges in not a second later. Logic dictates that he had to have heard it: even if he didn't have a privileged hearing, Kagome was well within human earshot and wasn't exactly keeping it down. Yet, the incident was never discussed. Ever. Which can only mean one of two things:

Inuyasha heard her loud and clear but decided not to bring it up in the name of respecting her privacy (it was a personal moment and if she had wanted him to know she would have told him) on top of avoiding a difficult conversation they probably weren't ready for about a sensitive topic (that had a great potential of making Kagome self conscious and their interactions awkward) in the worst possible time (he was still mourning) or...

Inuyasha didn't hear a thing. Maybe he was too preoccupied, too into his own head to notice. The situation was urgent, after all. Whatever the applicable justification may be, however, I guess we can all agree that ultimately, the whole thing was nothing but a cop-out: Inuyasha hearing her confession, despite making way more sense, just wasn't "interesting" to the plot, because then it would have to be addressed eventually and once they talked their feelings out, the resolution would inevitably take away from the "love triangle" tension.

In my opinion, strong points can be made for both theories. And the mystery, although probably more of a fluke caused by inconsistent writing than a creative choice, it's the beauty of it. We're free to interpret, analyze and speculate as much as we want. Every take is valid because there's no right answer. The same can be said about episode 98.

The possibility that Inuyasha conveniently didn't see the soul collectors, heard Kikyo nearby or smelled her scent all over Kagome is pretty much there even if, logically, we know it's not really plausible. Agaim: inconsistency.

I'd argue, though, that there's a key difference: unlike "The Darkness in Kagome's Heart", a thoughtful analysis shows that "Kikyo and Kagome: Alone in the Cave" actually implies that Inuyasha did know, which is why the discussion centers on whether or not he would have gone to Kikyo rather than if he even did or didn't know she was close by.

In this specific episode, we are shown that it was still daylight when Inuyasha started looking for Kagome.

However, it's not until it's literally night time that he either feels her spiritual powers being used or hears the aftermath of her attack.

And so he finally knows exactly where Kagome is, but still doesn't go to her, which doesn't make sense considering that she could have been in potential danger, that Inuyasha had spend the entire day looking for her and that he had the infamous tendency of tracking her down, unceremoniously fetching her and bringing her back whenever she strays away.

Unless, of course, he had a good idea of what was going on and, by extension, that Kagome had been with Kikyo, that they were both alright and that she was already heading out. His presence there would have only escalated the situation, so he does the smart thing for once and waits for Kagome to obliviously walk to him.

And his body language it's definitely worth taking a look at. Inuyasha is clearly aware of Kagome's approach: the footsteps and the scent would have accused her moviments even if he couldn't see her yet.

He feigns indifference because he doesn't want her to know just how desperate he had been searching for her, but I believe that his closed eyes and crossed arms are more than an attempt to come off as aloof. He's bracing himself for a fight.

That's why he's so surprised and drops the facade immediately when Kagome calls out his name so warmly. Last time he saw her, she had been livid at him and after an encounter with Kikyo, he didn't expect her to be happy to see him at all. And yet she was.

And when Kagome shyly asked him if he had came to look for her, Inuyasha hesitates, grunts, blushes then promptly changes the subject, urging her to keep going so they can go back to their friends.

He never denies it. And even if the audience didn't know this was absolutely the case, the pink on his cheeks totally gives him away. There would be no blush if he had a different agenda. Perhaps an angsty, frustrated or sad expression, but never a flushed one. We only get those when it's Kagome related.

Then she tries to bring Kikyo up, but Inuyasha seems to already know what she was going to say, otherwise he would have asked what happened or at the very least payed attention to her weak attempt of explaining it. He doesn't. He keeps looking forward without as much as sparing her a glance, a clear sign that he had no intention of discussing it, which is understandable.

And Kagome either takes the hint, since she knows how to read him better than anyone, or she simply concludes that the moment they were having was too sweet, too beautiful to ruin it and that they deserve to enjoy this, so she keeps it to herself. Regardless, she does let it go because Kikyo doesn't belong in this scene. This isn't about her. It's about them. And the fact that they acted like it, shows great character and relationship development.

And in that sense, Inuyasha has no reason to go see Kikyo. After her resurrection, every time he goes to her, it's either because she's in danger, because they had to debate over Naraku or because he wants to see for himself that she's okay.

There are no danger anymore, there are no Naraku news they need to talk about and, since she was with Kagome, he has no doubt Kikyo was fine. What else is there? Nothing. Inuyasha had no interest in persuing Kikyo romantically whatsoever.

Had it been the case, he could have always just left Kagome and stayed by Kikyo's side. No one was stopping him from doing so. But their present interactions were pretty much platonic. Even the two kisses they shared consisted on a "kiss of death" and a "closure" kiss.

He chose to keep coming back to Kagome because that's what he wanted, that's what made him the happiest. Sadly, Kagome can't see that. Kikyo makes her insecure and biased. She gets stuck on her own perspective, draws the wrong conclusions and the audience tends to go along because the narrative succeds on making us empathize with her heartbreak.

We should be looking at the bigger picture here. Even if Inuyasha wanted to go see Kikyo — which I don't think it's true —, this wasn't the first and surely wasn't the last time he prioritized Kagome over her. Especially when she's somewhat unhappy with him and Kikyo's not in trouble (the time Inuyasha didn't chase after her when he found out she had survived, claiming that it was enough knowing she was doing well and that he wouldn't go when Kagome was that upset comes to mind).

Shamefully, all the growth the characters went through in this episode was bluntly ignored later on, especially where it concerns the Kagome and Kikyo dynamic. This was the first episode I remember Kikyo ever being civil towards Kagome, recognizing her strength and importance in Inuyasha's heart without the usual bitterness but after that, things seemed to have regressed between them until we got closer to her final death.

That's when I found out this episode was a filler that wasn't featured in the manga in the first place. Which explains a lot. It also absolves you from overthinking mischaracterization, since technically you don't have to take it as canon.

If people still want to talk about Inuyasha being out of character in "Kikyo and Kagome: Alone in the Cave", though, why aren't we talking about the reason Kagome got angry and ran off on her own in the first place?

Inuyasha showed no appreciation for the food she cooked especially for him, going completely against his manga self. Actually, it sounded meaner than usual and absolutely gratuitous even for his anime version, until you realize it only happened as a plot device to get Kagome alone inside that damn cave.

I mean, I can't even get mad at him for that. Sunrise is to blame here: they could have done it in a thousand different ways, but they would never pass up the opportunity to "tsundere" him out of proportion and make sure Kagome used the sit command four times in a roll before leaving.

At least, at the end, everything was right in the world again and we got the absolute best shot of the whole episode to prove.

#Inuyasha #Kagome #Inukag #Kagome Higurashi #Sidmailing #Thank you for your ask anon

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skyrim-forever · 9 months

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A Master Wizard and His Feelings

Hey everyone, because of I've got Neloth brainrot (a subset of my normal Dunmer brainrot) I've written another piece about my oc Rochelle of Evermore and Master Neloth <3 Because who doesn't love two awkward bookworm mages trying to talk about their feelings.

Tagging: @thana-topsy come deal with the consequences of your actions (your Neloth art has given me life and already inspired two other fics <3)

Summary: Master Neloth has had trouble focusing, ever since him and Rochelle pretended to be married, he's been looking at her differently and is forced to concede that he may need to confess his feelings. Rochelle has some past stuff to open up to Neloth about as well.

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Discussions of past trauma, discussions of grooming, discussions of unhealthy relationships, no flashbacks but could very well be triggering so feel free to skip! No hard feelings if you don't read :)

Deep inside the mushroom towers of Tel Mithryn, Master Neloth was having trouble concentrating. In order to get to the level of Neloth’s skill, one requires great focus and discipline in studying the Arcane; lately, however, he found himself distracted by the Breton woman who had become a permanent fixture of his life.

Looking up from the tome he had been reading, or rather trying to read but needing to reread each paragraph multiple times to understand it, he eyes her. She’s hunched over all the floor by her bedroll, book open, deep in focus. Whatever he was reading is now long forgotten as he studies her face; she has the front pieces of her short white hair tied back out of her face, as she often did while working, her face scrunched intently reading whatever it was. I shall pick it up after to see what it is he thought. There was always the option of asking her what she was reading but then she would know he was looking at her, or at least paid attention to her long enough to know she was so entranced by something.

And this was precisely Neloth’s problem, ever since their fake marriage ploy for her sister, he had found himself paying more attention to Rochelle. Much more than he paid to the other members of his house. He noticed how her tea went cold because she was busy reading or listening to him, how she began rubbing off on him; even being able to convince him to start doing stretches for his health. But most of all, he noticed how much he was aware of her absence when she went to Raven Rock on a supply run. He snapped himself out of it, fearing if he stared at her too long he’d never look away.

Initially he reacted negatively to these feelings, he thought of kicking her out but he didn’t want to go back to how it was with just Talvas and the staff. Avoiding her was out of the question, considering she lived there. Everything boiled down to what he was most afraid of, he’d have to act on these feelings. Though he may be an expert on destruction magic, enchanting and a host of other topics, he was quite clueless on romantic emotions. Shutting the book promptly, he leaves to find Talvas the blasted boy is probably still outside struggling with that spell.

“Talvas! Talvas” he shouts outside the tower, causing Talvas to fumble the spell he was in the middle of.

“Master Neloth, I’m sorry I will get the handle of this spell soon I just need-”

“I’m not here to see the spell you fool.” Neloth lowers his voice to say the next part, looking around to make sure no one is within earshot. “I need your opinion on a serious matter.” Likewise Talvas also lowers his voice.

“What’s going on? Is there a plot against you? Should we raise the defenses?”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” Rubbing his temples for a moment and taking a very deep breath, he says it “I have developed feelings, romantic feelings, for Rochelle and I am unsure how to proceed.” A smile beams from Talvas’s face and already Neloth is regretting coming to him for help. Beginning to feel embarrassed, he turns to walk away, muttering “this was a mistake I’ll just kick her out.”

“No no no wait Master Neloth, I, um, I’m not making fun of you. I’m happy for you, Rochelle would be the perfect match for you.” He tries to ignore the comment, but a small part of Neloth’s heart twinges when Talvas says that.

“How do I proceed?”

“If I were you, I would try to spend some alone time with her, maybe outside of research. Spend some time together and let her know how you feel.” Talvas pauses for a moment, when an idea occurs to him. “She is heading to Raven Rock tomorrow right? I normally accompany her, perhaps you could go with her this time? As a way to spend some time together outside of here.” Neloth had a puzzled look on his face.

“And leave you alone here? Absolutely not, we’d come back and the place would be in flames!”

“Master Neloth, do you truly think I would accidentally destroy Tel Mithryn?” Without hesitation he answers.

“Yes” Talvas goes to sigh but stops himself, fearing it would be yet another thing he would be chewed out for. Instead he thinks Geez, he really makes it difficult to help him and offers a solution instead.

“Here I’ll agree to stay out all day that way nothing bad happens so you can spend some time with Rochelle. That work fine for you?”

“Hmmm, very well. If you believe this is the best way to proceed.” Talvas offers him a smile to which Master Neloth just rolls his eyes. He’ll thank me someday.

It is at dinner later that night that Neloth tells Rochelle he will be joining her instead of Talvas.

“Talvas has that stack of books to get through so he will not be able to accompany you tomorrow. Instead I will be.” Rochelle finishes the bite of ash yam she was chewing before answering. “That is fine by me. I was planning to spend the night at the Retching Netch, is that suitable or would you prefer to head back immediately after obtaining the supplies?”

“Staying overnight is fine, you know I don’t sleep. I shall bring some work with me.” Rochelle nods in agreement and they finish dinner. After their meal, Talvas stops Neloth, making sure he is out of reach of Rochelle.

“I don’t suppose that ‘stack of books’ you mentioned was just a ruse?” Talvas smiles weakly at him. Neloth says nothing. “I’ll get right to it, Master Neloth.”

“Make sure you read them outside, as per our prior agreement.”

“Yes Master Neloth”

It is a rare clear morning, or at least as clear as it can get in Solstheim. Looking up at the sky Rochelle could almost make out the sun amidst the thick ash. Neloth was giving Talvas some last minute reminders. In the year and a half Rochelle had been there, she had never seen Neloth leave the grounds of Tel Mithryn. She was impressed he was leaving to accompany her, she intended to pick his brain on the journal she was reading yesterday. It was a journal she found long ago, although after her training with Neloth; she had new insights on what she originally thought were just the ravings of a madman.

They bid Talvas farewell and started the journey to Raven Rock which would take them until midday to get to. The trip was thankfully uneventful. Ever since she cleared out Fort Frostmoth for Captain Veleth, the rate of ash spawn had gone down significantly. Her arrival in Solstheim was exclusively because she heard there was a Telvanni Wizard there and she was hoping to work in some part with him, primarily because she knew the Telvanni were more.. tolerant of taboo practices then the College of Winterhold, where she was at previously. However, she spent her first few months in Raven Rock proving her value to the citizens. Naturally, being as down on their luck as they were, the people were quite distrusting of outsiders. This led to a long series of events that involved her taking down an undead Imperial Commander, ousting a traitorous family and getting the Ebony Mine up and running again.

Finally, after all that she was free to go to Tel Mithryn, where she had the pleasure of proving she was worthy of working with Master Neloth. I’ve been on this island for nearly two years, she thought. The climate was harsh, life was dangerous but she had spent her childhood with her Forsworn witch mother and later her noble father in High Rock; so Morrowind was merely a combination of the harsh life of the Reach and the complex politics of High Rock.

On the journey Master Neloth explained to her the differences between most widely available staffs and Azra Nightwielder staffs, which apparently differed not just in their materials, but also craftsmanship. She liked listening to Neloth, she liked it a lot. Many had warned her about going to Tel Mithryn, saying the wizard there was crazy and reckless. But for Rochelle, she wanted that. She sought ancient and secret knowledge, where others saw recklessness, Rochelle saw genius. You do not uncover the secrets of the universe without going a bit mad, besides she was a bit mad herself.

They arrived at Raven Rock a bit before midday, thanks to the lack of excitement on the journey. She tells Neloth the list of things to do in town.

“There is a package of new kitchen utensils and I’ve got to stop by the Blacksmith to pick up some jewelry I ordered.”

“For enchanting?” Is all he says. She nods in return. They stop by the shipyard and obtain the package, the package is not large so it can fit in the satchel Rochelle brought. While walking throughout town, they received many confused glances. At first, Rochelle assumed it was her, but after realizing everyone staring at them were people she knew, such as Aphia Velothi. It was then that it dawned on her, they were staring at Neloth. It made sense, as far as she knew he had not been here since he arrived in Solstheim. That had to be decades ago.

Master Neloth noticed the stares too, it did not bother him, he couldn’t even remember the names of these people, as far as he was concerned they were in awe of him. As they should be, he was likely one of the few individuals in Tamriel who earned his sizable ego. He noticed that when they approached the Blacksmith, he shuddered and avoided looking at Neloth. Even better, he thought. It was better to be feared and respected than loved, or so he had thought. But when he saw the jewelry Rochelle bought, several plain silver rings, he felt compelled to buy her something nicer. She was a member of his house after all, she should be able to wear nice things.

By the time they are done with their errands, plus the time Rochelle took to talk with the Second Councilor’s wife, it was already dark.

“Sorry about that, I normally grab tea with Cindiri when I’m in town, I’m not a great conversationalist but she seems to find some comfort in my presence.” Neloth was hungry, he hadn’t eaten nor had so much as a tea since they left. He may be able to go without sleep but food was an entirely different matter. Yet he managed to silence his internal complaining enough, saying only “No matter.”

Going down the stairs to the main area of the Retching Netch, Neloth is pleased to find they missed the dinner rush. Grabbing a table as far from anyone else as he can, Neloth sits as Rochelle goes up to the bar to order them food. Neloth spies the barkeep talking with Rochelle, talking to her much longer than it would take to simply order food. The barkeep says something that makes Rochelle chuckle, covering her mouth to hide her laughter. He’s not sure what he’s experiencing, it has been centuries since he felt anything like this. She comes to Raven Rock once a week and presumably she stays here each time. Surely he’s not… before he can finish that thought, she returns with two bowls of horker stew, placing one in front of Neloth.

“Unfortunately the only thing left after the dinner rush is horker stew, I hope that is sufficient.”

“It should be adequate, it is only for one night.” They begin eating their stew when the barkeep stops by their table, holding a tray with sujamma on it.

“Care to try my special sujamma blend?” Neloth goes to scoff, wondering what his angle is, until he sees Rochelle grab a jar, thanking him. Likewise he takes a jar, taking a swig. By the three, how did he manage to screw up something as fundamental as sujaama?

Rochelle on the other hand, takes a swig and proclaims it is well-crafted.

“It’s got a pleasant aftertaste, a slight snowberry taste.”

“Ah you caught that, always perspective Rochelle. That’s why you’re the best at what you do.” A tint of redness appears on her face, clearly not used to praise.

“That’s um, quite kind of you Geldis.” The barkeep, Geldis he supposes, takes his leave and Rochelle chugs the rest of her drink. Much to Neloth’s astonishment. He clears his throat.

“You have managed to adapt well to Dunmer culture, not many outlanders fare well here.”

“Thank you” she says “It’s nothing new for me.” He cocks an eyebrow at her, intrigued. He knew a bit of her past, she had left what passes as a College in Skyrim, to seek more serious instruction with him; and of course he had met her sister, an ordeal that was. But he realized at that moment that he did not know much about her past.

“Explain” he states. She looks down, fiddling with her soup spoon.

“I fear you may think less of me if I tell you.”

“I doubt that will be the case.” Rochelle pauses for a moment then elaborates.

“I grew up in the Reach, in Southwestern Skyrim.” She looks back up at him. “When I was about 10 or so, I moved to my father’s estate in High Rock. It was quite the culture shock but I was forced to quickly adapt to the customs of high society.”

“I did not know you were from the Reach, then why were you known as Rochelle of Evermore?”

She laughs a bit and Neloth realizes he likes the sound of her laugh. Normally trivial jokes and amusement annoy him to know end. Foolish drivel to entertain the common folk; but when the laughter is coming from her it is different. It’s different because he is the one causing it, albeit inadvertently.

“Would you believe Rochelle is not my real name?” Face contorting slightly, he asks.

“What is your real name then?”

She takes a moment to answer, clearly deciding if she should share this secret.

“Mochveda, it’s an old family name. I was born Mochveda of the Reach, but my father changed mine and Colette’s names when we moved in with him. Partly to help us assimilate and partly to cover up the fact we were ‘his wild bastards’ from the Reach.” He’s not proud of it, but a part of him is shocked that someone from the Reach could possess such an affinity for magic, magic in humans was already rare let alone in someone from such a primitive place. Not that I should let her know that he thought. He may not be the best with feelings but even he could tell it would be ill-advised to let someone you had feelings know you thought they were from a primitive place. Remembering how she responded to Geldis’s praise, he decided to attempt it himself.

“Not only are you a great mind but you are culturally savvy.” The redness appears on her face, deeper this time and she averts her gaze from him but smiles widely.

“Thank you Neloth, you’re too kind.” No I am not, he thinks.

They sit in a comfortable silence as they finish their meal, before Rochelle retires to her room. “You really should sleep occasionally”

“And why is that?”

“Sleep promotes brain health, also, my mother taught me that dreams are keys to other worlds.” He just looks at her. “Say what you will about the Reach, there is ancient powerful magic there.”

“Perhaps one day I will get to meet your mother.” He attempts to humour her again but receives the opposite reaction, a mortified look on her face.

“For your sake I hope not.”

They bid each other good night and Neloth cracks open one of the books he brought. It takes him only a few moments before his mind starts to get distracted. His mind races with conflicting thoughts of knocking on her room door and confessing versus pushing his feelings down and repressing them. In a rare moment, in a day full of them, his heart wins and he finds himself knocking on her door before he can fully process what is happening.

“Yes Master Neloth, I mean Neloth” Apologies for using his title after he told her it was fine to use first names when they were alone. She had changed out of her black robes into a red cotton dress. He had seen her in sleepwear before but it felt different this time. Perhaps it was the intimacy of being at her door or what he was about to say.

“Rochelle, may I have come in? I have a private matter to discuss.” She nods and closes the door behind him and the confined space makes Neloth feel like he is going to suffocate. His gaze falters a bit, before settling on her, deciding it is most important to address her directly in order to increase odds of success. Clearing his throat first, he lets it out.

“Since you have become a fixture in my life and at Tel Mithryn, I have developed feelings for you. Romantic feelings, specifically and I would like to pursue some form of companionship, if you are inclined.” The redness creeps back up to Rochelle’s face, which causes a wave of relief to wash over Neloth.

“I would like that, I would very much like that.” She continues “but if we are going to have a relationship there is something you must know first.” He gives her space to keep going. “I’ve only had one prior relationship, and it deeply scarred me, so much that I haven’t considered romance an option up until several weeks ago, thanks to you.”

“Do you want to tell me about your last relationship?”

“It was not right, and I understand that now, I should have told someone what was going on but I was too ashamed.”

“What were you ashamed of?” His voice has an unusual gentleness to it, a gentleness that causes Rochelle to choke up a bit.

“He was my last mentor, my father hired him when it was clear I had progressed beyond self study. I thought he cared for me but once he got… what he was after he turned cold on me. Telling me I had seduced him, caught him in a moment of weakness and that no one would believe me. I really thought he cared for me.”

“Then he is a fool, simply not worthy of your attention.”

“I know that but he looked at me the way every woman wants to be looked at. Like I was the most breathtaking woman in the world. He nurtured my talent, praised me and called me beautiful; no one has ever called me beautiful before. Colette is the beautiful one, I am the smart one. I prefer to be valued for my mind but there’s a part of me, a part which I loathe, that wants to be beautiful.” She sighs before continuing “I know it wasn’t right, what he did, I was far too young for that kind of relationship, and even so he was an authority figure, but it felt good to be wanted.” There is a moment of pause between them, not an unpleasant one, until Rochelle spoke again “my apologies, you must think I’m a mess, so emotionally broken. But I say all this to let you know where I’m coming from when it comes to relationships and… I want to try something with you; but I need to know it will be different this time.” Tears begin to form in her eyes “I can’t go through that again.” Confessing was already more emotional than he was used to but Rochelle was being vulnerable with him; and he knew how difficult that was for people like them.

“No need to apologize, going through such a relationship, to be used at a young age, will certainly leave a mark.” Neloth takes her hand in his and gives it a slight squeeze, “to ease your mind I will make my intentions clear. I want nothing more than to spend time with you, in any capacity.” Her eyes have found their way to the ground, so he takes his other hand and tilts her chin up. “And when I return to Vvardenfell I would like you to accompany me.”

“I would like that.” Finding the courage he moves in to kiss her, half-expecting her to move away, but she doesn’t. A thought starts to form, something about how he should thank Talvas when they return. But when their lips connect, any thoughts either of them had disappears.

#skyrim #the elder scrolls #tes #fanfic #skyrim fanfic #fanficition #skyrim fanfiction #skyrim ocs #oc: rochelle #master neloth #neloth #neloth/oc #I hope you enjoy #I really like these two awkward wizards #neloth has a heart

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