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thevirgodoll · 1 year

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Doll Diaries: 10 Ways to Begin Living the Doll Life.

To introduce my brand and my mission, I have created the first guide on how to Live the Doll Life.

This is the first of many posts to build around what a Doll means.

This is a compilation of all of my advice from past posts, my values and things I recommend aspiring to. It's an initiation of some sorts, and will be a sneak peek to what my website and Patreon will entail. This covers who you want to be (your ideal self), who you are right now (your current self), your measure of confidence and value (your worth), and your reality of who you are (your traits and individuality).

Welcome to the Dollhouse!!!

A huge part of what made me choose "Doll" as a brand is the movie, Life Size (2000).

In Life Size, Eve stood up for what was right, was ambitious, and learned how to honor her feelings as a real person. I highly recommend giving it a watch (I haven't seen the second movie, only referencing the first) to really get a feel of the energy I want to cultivate and embody. Now, let's get into it!

1. Embrace everything you already are.

Just because you are in a pursuit of becoming someone new does not mean you have to discard the things that make you who you are. Embracing who you already are and who you were is key to building self confidence. Who you are now is worthy of love and gratitude.

Ask yourself:

What can I forgive myself for?

What are my current strengths and weaknesses?

How can I show myself gratitude today?

2. Love people and speak life into them.

A true Doll does not engage in taking other women down. The biggest issue in today's world is that negativity has become a hot commodity. It is so insidious once it gets started, and it has been normalized to tear other people down in shady, subtle comments. These things bear no fruit. Understand now that talking badly about people and hating them only increases their sun.

What makes the difference between a Doll and another person is that everything she says has a purpose. Before speaking ask yourself:

Is this necessary? Is this true?

What do I gain from saying this?

Would I want to hear this?

These questions will make you distinguish between feelings and facts. You may not even know why you don't like someone at first, but asking yourself critical questions will teach you to see things from a different perspective. Most of the time, this has taught me to keep certain things to myself! If you don't know what you feel yet, the best thing to do is be quiet. It really is true that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. ***There are obviously exceptions to the rule, such as emotional abuse, bullying, etc. Defend yourself. Just don't be the one to be a catalyst to someone's downfall.

3. Be a student of life.

In this Dollhouse, we are eager to learn!!! If you want to lead others, you have to be willing to admit that you can be wrong. Even though Dolls are well adored and well educated, we aren't always right. Well, a lot of the time I am, but that's not the point!

Ask yourself:

What is this trying to teach me? What can I take away from this?

When was the last time I opened my mind to something new?

What could I have done differently? If I am resistant to feedback or change in this present moment, why?

4. Take pride in your appearance.

We aren't perfect...but we might as well be the closest thing to it. Make the decision now that you want to look your best every day. This doesn't mean wearing a full face of makeup 24/7, but this does mean being put together. A Doll should never leave the house without looking presentable, and if this is difficult, it's time for a change! Remember in The Princess Diaries when Mia got a makeover to become a princess? She looked like a completely different person and all it took was a new routine in beauty maintenance.

Obviously, you don't have to go to the extremes like she did. There's nothing wrong with glasses, thick curly hair, or thick eyebrows. It's all about making those things cohesive, which is the point of the makeover. I suggest you go on Pinterest or other platforms to find inspiration for what you want to look like. Create a routine around looking your best for YOU...only you know what flatters you the most.

Ask yourself:

What do I feel when I look in the mirror?

What influences me? What does a Doll look like to me?

What would a physical change do for me right now? And why am I doing it?

5. Have people in your life that align with you.

Friends can inspire us, or derail us. It is extremely hard as you get older to sustain friendships because once you leave grade school, there aren't any commonalities keeping you around people you know. Sometimes, we hang onto people longer than we need to.

A verse from the Bible that I often keep in mind regarding friends is Proverbs 12:26:

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Ask yourself:

Would I take advice from this person? Why or why not?

What are the pros and cons of having this person around? How do I feel after hanging out with them?

What do they do for me? Is this reciprocal or transactional?

Is this person bringing me closer to or further away from my dreams, goals, and aspirations? Do they value what I value?

During conflict, how has this friend treated me? Do I trust them? Can I go to them when I need them?

As far as relationships, that is different for everyone but the questions are relatively the same. Some people stop their entire journey towards becoming the woman of their dreams because of love. Guard your heart!!!

Ask yourself:

Does this person align with my beliefs and values? Have I vetted them to see what type of person they are?

How does this person take care of themselves spiritually, mentally, and physically?

What is their story? Is this person aware of that story (whether it's with family, exes, friends, etc.)?

What can they offer me that I cannot give to myself?

Why do I want to be with this person?

6. Truly begin to believe you ARE 1 of 1.

Everyone is different, especially you. Your energy is highly sought after, all you have to do is acknowledge that. In order to live this lifestyle, you gotta appreciate differences in people around you so you can avoid guilting yourself into assimilation/conformity.

Individuality is everything... don't trade that for the approval of others. Social media has revealed how much originality women lack... so be a breath of fresh air. Think of this as Miley Stewart becoming her alter ego, Hannah Montana. The best way to see the new you is a alter ego. Celebrities have used alter egos to embody a side of them that is full of tenacity and candor...basically what they wish they could be. Real life examples are: Sasha Fierce (Beyoncé), Roman (Nicki Minaj).

The arc of an alter ego comes full circle. At some point in the Hannah Montana franchise, Miley came to terms that she lacked nothing in being who she really was because the star power was already in her. Therefore, she let her go and embodied those qualities in herself as "Miley". After hard work it will be the same for you, and you will appreciate who you are even more and not have to separate the two.

Ask yourself:

Who am I? What makes me special?

What do I love most about myself?

What is my signature and aesthetic?

What are the qualities of my alter ego/archetype?

7. Be a woman of substance.

It's useless to work towards being an it girl if you have nothing to talk about. So many women have star quality on the outside, but they are surface level and it prevents them from being seen positively and it takes away their chance of being an it girl.

Learn about current events. Learn about past events. Learn about events that are yet to come, and form an opinion.

You have Google at your disposal, so there's really no excuse to be lazy. Find your passion...most people are empty because they don't do anything they love. Be well versed in multiple topics. I know we say beauty and brains, but it really is hard to come by these days. Most people do not read anymore, nor do they take the time out to learn things themselves.

When it comes to school, that counts as substance as well if you're actually taking classes you're getting something out of (which is a whole other post). I would be remiss if I did not mention that education isn't for everyone. But for those of you that are going to college or are in college like me, this is one of the most important stages of your life. You're on the cusp of greatness. Life happens, but no matter what, we gotta get that degree no matter how long it takes.

Ask yourself:

What's going on in the world right now?

When is the last time I read a book or did something educational?

What are my hobbies? What are my habits? How do these things speak to my intelligence and who I am?

What are the things I want out of my education and what are my goals for this upcoming semester?

8. Dedicate time to your healing.

Just because everything looks perfect, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. This journey towards being that girl will not get rid of your need to heal.

Healing is a rugged path that one must travel their entire life...your journey in becoming the person of your dreams never ends. Give yourself grace on things that you didn't know before.

As always, I recommend journaling to understand your thought process. Sometimes, I look back at my entries in my diary and realize that things weren't as bad as they seemed. Sometimes, though, they were...and for my healing process it became crucial to (when I have the capacity) revisit the moments that shaped my perspective.

I know everyone says this, but there no shame in getting help. No amount of Doll Diaries I give you or confidence lessons/advice from others will matter if you are ignoring what fills your heart with dread at night. Like Megan thee Stallion says, bad b*tches have bad days too.

I am in therapy and I take medications for my mental illnesses, and that made all the difference. Tips are in my mental health tag.

I recommend a spiritual routine that works for you. This may include meditating, praying, going to church, taking quiet time...it's all up to you, but it gives me purpose and structure when feeling existential.

Dedicate life to something bigger than yourself. Remain on the path by upkeeping discipline. Outside influences can lead you astray, but you are the difference between stumbling and getting up, and stumbling and remaining flat on your face. This will involve giving up certain things, such as music or shows or even people that push you further away from what you believe in.

Lastly, have a list of coping mechanisms that you review in crisis. Often, things get overwhelming and we won’t get the chance to sit down and journal or go read something. With that, it’s helpful to make a list of things that you know will help you cope and survive no matter what (while acknowledging the absence of these means you’re getting bad again.)

Here is a very small portion of my list:

cleaning my space

spending time with my dog

playing video games

writing, drawing, music

Ask yourself:

When's the last time I had a break without feeling guilty or lazy?

What positive practices do I have in place to keep me stable? What negative practices do I have in place that prevent me from being stable?

How am I currently working towards improving my mental state? What do I know about myself mentally and spiritually, and how can I use that to transcend?

9. Learn the art of detachment.

People talk about being unbothered, but I don't think everyone truly understands what that means. In this Dollhouse, unbothered does not mean being nonchalant and void of all emotions. Feelings are natural, and I am not sure where someone mixed that up. What creates "unbothered" energy and "detachment" is by realizing you cannot control everything and that majority of the time, it isn't personal. This is one of the hardest lessons out there.

Ask yourself:

Is this really in my control?

How can I focus on the present moment?

And ultimately, remember you cannot fix or please anyone. Keep your composure even in the face of negativity. Your reactions and perceptions to everything you deal with is the most important thing, and will be the common denominator when it comes down to your experiences. Two books I read that changed my perspective and helped me maintain this lifestyle on this was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty.

10. Above all, live in YOUR world!!!

Make your world exclusive. Keep certain things for yourself so it retains sacredness. Be your own best friend before anyone else. Learn to embrace your own company. Don't always be accessible. Cultivate richness in your life...be willing to take risks and have a variety of experiences.

The main and most important question to ask yourself is: What does my dream world look like?

This is where the Doll Life comes into play. Barbie was marketed as being an all around sweetheart and "girl boss" with the dream life. Bratz were marketed as having individuality and a dream world experience driven by passion.

Both have core values in making sure young girls dreamed big and remained authentic. Honorable mention: Disney, as they did a great job at emphasizing dreams can come true with Disney princesses.

What I want my version of a Doll Life to be marketed as is a world where we indulge in endless possibilities and be multiple versions of ourselves at once. Where we feel like something wonderful could happen, even in the midst of trials.

We can be gentle, yet demanding. We can be feminine with masculine energy, and vice versa. We don't have to choose between one aesthetic or the other. We don't have to conform to the world, because we are in it and not of it. Dolls are seen as "perfect", and that's just the thing, I don't want my brand to be a cookie cutter definition! That's why I say I am the Doll that no one can play with. To be a Doll means to be uniquely you and standing out amongst the rest. It's a mindset, it's a lifestyle.

Don't box yourself in... remember growing up the dream life of Bratz and Barbie refused to box themselves in and remained true to themselves. Live without limits!!! Dreams really can come true. And this Dollhouse is a safe space to DREAM!!!

Even if you don't believe it now, day by day, if you start dedicating yourself to this and remain congruent with your philosophy, you will be more than you could ever imagine. It took so much time for me to do this, but my life is forever changed. So indulge in your wishes, and create your own "life of luxury" or "dream world". Simply live by YOUR rules, and use mine as a outline to get started. I can't wait to see what all of you come up with. I hope this helps Dolls!!! *gives you the keys to your suite in the dollhouse* Proud of you!!!

xoxo,

thevirgodoll ♡

see also:

confidence tag

other doll diaries

advice

#dolldiaries #I worked really hard on this so please boost!#this is my last big post on here everything will now be moved to my website #:)#doll diaries #my brand

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catofadifferentcolor · 11 months

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Terrible Fic Idea #52: Targaryen Restoration, but make it magical

I have approximately a thousand and one thoughts about Brynden Rivers. This is less to do with his position as The Three-Eyed Raven and more to do with all he accomplished before becoming part of a tree - becoming Hand of the King, playing a key role in defeating three Blackfyre Rebellions; becoming Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. In addition to being a master of realpolitik, he is an example of everything Jon Snow could have become in a world where Rhaegar won.

So, naturally, my mind took all the things I love about Bloodraven, mixed in a little TH White, and came up with: What if Brynden Rivers got to be House Targaryen's Merlin - and its King Arthur?

Aka: The Shiera Snowbird Fic

Just imagine it:

Everything in Robert's Rebellion happens as per canon - save Rhaegar gets his Visenya. Or, more accurately, his Shiera, as Lyanna's daughter is born with all of her mother's beauty and a pair of mismatched eyes: one lilac, one dove grey.

Shiera Snow, as she is called, is raised as Ned Stark's bastard in Winterfell. Like her namesake, she becomes a great reader, found more often in the company of the Maester than any of her half-siblings, and by the time of Jon Arryn's death there are rumors she has become a sorceress of the blackest arts.

These rumors are fueled in part by Lady Catelyn, who sees Shiera's great beauty and fears she will use it to seduce her way into Robb's inheritance, and in part because of Shiera herself, who seeks out the Witches of the Wolfswood and keeps no gods.

The truth is rather different - Shiera is a budding greenseer, haunted by dreams she can't explain - dreams of the Long Night and an albino man with a red birthmark crying out to her for help. In her search for explanations, she's dived further into the esoteric than any in the North have in years but found none of the answers she seeks.

When Ned goes south, Shiera heads north, eventually crossing the Wall and reaching the cave of the three-eyed raven. She rescues a surprisingly youthful Brynden Rivers from the roots of weirwood trees and destroys the Children of the Forest who were keeping him hostage, using the magic of his Blackwood and Targaryen blood to hasten the return of the Others and the destruction of mankind.

While canon proceeds elsewhere - Ned is executed, the War of Five Kings rages, Daenerys becomes the Mother of Dragons - Brynden teaches Shiera the secrets of sorcery and reveals her Targaryen ancestry. Together they work to ensure the success of Dany and Young Griff's actions in Essos - and the downfall of their enemies in Westeros.

Dany and Young Griff - who truly is Aegon VI - join forces, wed, and reconquer most of Westeros, which is too divided to stand against them.

Eventually Dany and Aegon make their way North to determine why no word has been heard from the Kingdom since a single bloodied missive was sent to King's Landing by the Boltons some years before - and why no messengers who pass The Neck return alive. They and their armies learn that the Wall has fallen and the Others have overrun most The North.

They're almost equally surprised to find Bloodraven and Shiera - by this point called Snowbird for the snow buntings she wargs into - leading a group of survivors in the ruins of Winterfell.

An extended War for the Dawn sequence follows, with Aegon VI proving to be Azor Ahai reborn, Dany agreeing to die so that Lightbringer can be reforged, and Aegon dying in battle with the Night's King.

Brynden and Shiera, whose magic was instrumental in defeating the Others, are now the last of Targaryen blood left alive. Only they can control the dragons Dany brought into the world. They are crowned King and Queen of the Seven Kingdoms somewhat against their own desires, but well aware that the civil war that would follow if they refused would decimate an already destroyed realm.

What follows shouldn't quite be a golden age, but should be an age of great renewal and rebirth - a Renaissance, if the Renaissance included the return of magic.

Bonuses include: 1) Everything about Shiera Snowbird echoing Shiera Seastar, intentionally or unintentionally, with at least half the accusations of sorcery against her in her youth coming more from male fear of an educated woman and female jealousy of her beauty; 2) Unlike everyone else, Bloodraven should find only surface similarities between his half-sister and great-niece, and be repeatedly heard to say they are very different people; 3) Brynden and Shiera's relationship starting very much on mentor-mentee footing, which slowly evolves into friendship and true respect. The romance between them should be very late to the game and only come after Brynden realizes that the relationship he had with Shiera Seastar was deeply unhealthy; 4) As much magic as can be shoehorned into the world, with more magic being capable the more people believe - and the stronger Dany's dragons become; and 5) The triumph of practical, pragmatic politics over all else.

And that's all I have for this plot bunny. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you ever do anything with it.

More Terrible Fic Ideas

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gyubby99 · 9 months

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@disneyanddisneyships

Staticfly headcanons (because i can)

Love at first fight

They HATED each other!

Vox wanted to get on Mal's good side so he can get to know aponi as well and ultimately leading himself to Alastor and knowing his weaknesses. But Mal knew something was iffy about Vox so she kept him away from her friends (this was when they were still frenemies of some sort)

Why wouldn't Mal be suspicious? VOX out of all demons was nice to her! Taking her out on hangouts as a form of "gratitude" for helping him fix his broken screen.

They had an AWFUL long way to go.

Like long. Very long.

They did not get along when they first hung out. They were bickering more than they were having fun

The only time Vox was genuine was when Val broke it off with him.

That shit HURT.

He loved Val.

But ofcourse he shows no sign of emotions.

Mal had to ask Velvette what happened

When she knew, she tried reaching out to him

Ofcourse it didn't work.

But she tried again

And again

Until Vox got fed up of her shit he was forced to spill out his guts. Vox was busying himself with work, as a way of coping.

Mal wanted him to express emotions. Atleast to her.

"What's the fucking point? It's not like my problems are going to be solved by this."

"Actually.. it is true. It's just not that big of a step. But hey, that's how people learn."

"I have no time for your sentimental bullshit."

"Yet you're listening to me, TV boy."

He just scoffs and grabs a drink.

Mal also asks for one.

The room was soundproof, for the purpose that no one hears Val abusing Vox, I guess.

So when the two got extremely wasted they cussed out Val

Mal threw up on the floor and he drunk scolded her for the next 15mins

When Vox was catcbing feelings and he knows it, he would pay attention at anything but her.

One time Mal had no place to crash in she plopped herself onto his couch and called it a night.

Vox allowed it only because she was tired.

AND Mal is his only key to Alastor's downfall

He wouldn't waste the key.

He kept repeating that in his head like a mentra the whole time Mal was sleeping and he was just.. watching from the cameras.

It took them six years to get together. Two was when they were frenemies, and four when they were genuinely friends

Poor vox had a panic attack when he caught feelings for her :(

He would never admit it to anyone but he loves her with every ounce of his being

Vox heaven AU! When he arrived in heaven he instantly spotted her in the crowd.

Mal was like "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD"

"Not a TV anymore. Remember?"

Back to hellaverse

Vox judges Mal's sense of style.

"Nuh-uh you are not wearing that garbage." *proceeds to give Mal a dress worth his house*

"Better. It brings out your eyes."

Vox pays for everything.

Mal feels bad because she has never once paid for a thing except the shark plush she gave him.

Vox looked at her deadpan. "If I didn't want to spoil you I would've stopped already. Now do you want these pair of sandals?"

Vox brings her random stuff. Like a snake plush or carmellias.

Semi-PDA couple

Their relationship was a bumpy road because of their past ones. There were times where it was sexually driven and they basically had to stop it from being too much.

One of the reasons why they were so horny on the memes/twitter au

PHYSICAL TOUCH.

He hated being soft but Mal's got insect rizz so..

Alaponi got together FIRST

The only form of "love" Vox knew was val's abuse so he had NO idea how to treat Mal at first

'Oh fuck oh fuck do we hold hands? Go out on dates? CUDDLE??'

He googled Mal's kinks

Vox is not opposed to cuddles but wouldn't cuddle her while working bc he can't have distractions.

He doesn't mind backhugs tho

or if hes in need of a stress relief

He communicates w Mal thru physical touch bc he's not good with words.

He shows Mal off to the other V's

Vox gave Mal a new phone and when she turned it on, Vox was immediately her screensaver.

He's not much for dancing but if Mal drags him to a dance floor hes dancing with her

Vox: You want me so bad, huh?

Mal: we've been dating for three years.

#mallory #staticfly

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elia-de-silentio · 2 years

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TENTATIVE ANALYSES: MONSTER

Chapter 4: Brother And Sister

NARRATIVE STRUCTURE

Once again, we can divide this chapter in a three arc structure:

1. Detective work: the detectives working on the Liebert case try to interrogate little Anna, but she is still in a state of shock and can't answer. They are frustrared, because they have two key witnesses but they are both unavailable.

2. Hospital politics: meanwhile, the case of the little children tragically involved in the brutal murder of their parents has made it big on the news, turning into one of these rare cases that everyone talks about. Johan's room is submerged by gifts. Meanwhile, Tenma is being worked to the bone in emergency operations, but still takes the time to personally interact with the patients. He is still in charge of Johan, but not for long: Heinemann and Boyer, realizing that they can profit off the ttagedy for media coverage, remove him from that position and try to stage an 'heartwarming reunion' between the twins. This greatly upsets the children: Anna starts screaming and faints, but Johan wakes up and tries to reach for her. Going back to Tenma, the first thing he sees after this is Eva, who, without a word to him, just goes on a date with another doctor.

3. Shocking swerve: Tenma, after this last humiliation, does the sensible thing and goes getting wasted. But at the same time, across the city, a nurse finds Dr Boyer's corpse, and Eva that of her father.

NARRATIVE TECHNIQUES

Building up the twins' mystery: what truly transpired at the Liebert house is still unexplained; all we have are the reactions of the twins that point to an horror beyond words. Johan is kaputt and Anna wanders around unable to do anything but mutter the word 'kill', and there is nothing wither the doctors or the police can do about it. Just what happened to these children?

Everyone is collected save for Tenma: thorough the chapter, everyone is shown as cool, collected, secure in their place in the world. Dr Heinemann and Dr Becker, despite having very different positions, have in common the fact that they haven't had any framatic change and are happy that way; Dr Boyer has been promoted, and can discreetly work out his envies by working Tenma to the bone; Eva has had the world's fastest rebound with another doctor, with not even a word to spare for the man she had been supposed to marry in a few months only yesterday. In all of this, Tenma is the only one truly shaken, the only one who seems to have emotional investments and keeps being kicked when he's down. First he's removed from Anna and Johan's care -after Boyer's decision to throw the children to the press upsets him enough to get him to yell and lift the other doctor by the collar - then he gets to see Eva flirting with the guy who got his place. It culminates in him getting drunk to have an outlet, wandering in the streets cursing them all in his stupor, the diametral opposite of the other character's composure. But this results in ...

Framing as guilty: the panels show an alternation of a drunk Tenma wandering the streets, then the discovery of Boyer and Heinemann's corpse, and then once again a drunk Tenma muttering that Heinemann deserves to die. This serves to present him as a likely culprit. Sure, the corpses don't present visible wounds, so it doesn't seem the result of a drunken rage, but it might be that he got drunk to numb the shock of having killed someone, and to be clear, so far he looks like the only one with a possible reason to do it.

CHARACTERS

Tenma: last chapter was the downfall, but here our hero hits rock bottom. He's not the collected doctor who renowned his determination to only save lives; he tries hard to be, checking up and interacting with the patients (something we haven't seen him do before) despite the exhaustion for being worked to the bone by his new boss. But as they say, when troubles come, they come in battalions: first he's removed from the care of the Liebert twins, something he only finds out when other doctors have overrode his orders to turn the kids in a mediatic case; then he exits Johan's room, and the first thing he sees is Eva who, without a word to him, goes off on a date with another doctor. The result is that he seeks comfort in alcohol, reducing himself to wander in the streets completely inhebriated, yelling insults to the name of everyone who wronged him. A far cry from the brilliant young doctor on a path to a charmed life he was in the first chapter.

The twins: finally something, albeit very minimal, changes in them: when they are made to meet, Anna collapses in a shock and Johan, awoken, tries to reach to her. Keep in mind this behavior for later chapters.

The hospital world: the doctors + Eva are here depicted as a terrible, money-grabbing, status-obsessed bastards. The only one who keeps some dignity is dr Becker, who even while buying into the logic of being more interested in politics than in lifesaving is the only one who doesn't treat Tenma as a piece of trash for seeing things differently and avoids pretty cover-ups in favor of the crude truth. The other doctors? The new head of the department works Tenma to the bone, likely to both stay in Heinemann's good graces and work out some envy for the more talented doctor; Heinemann finds out that the twins' case can be good for the press, and immediately latches on it despite having been willing to condemn Johan to die; Eva is basically a gold-digger, not even sparing a word to the man she should have married in a few months once he's no longer useful.

THEMES

We keep talking about the value of life. In particular, Dr Heinemann and his cronies try to demonstrate that this value can be acquired: they were willing to leave Johan to die, but when it turned out that the twins' story made for feel-good news, they rushed to milk it for all its worth, ignoring medical safety in favor of mediatic visibility.

Still, it appears that life can lose it value if lived indignantly; the chapter closes with Tenma muttering that his bosses deserve death, and look, they do, in fact, die!

SYMBOLISM

• Names: this signifier of identity shows up right at the start of the chapter. "You know your name, right? Your name is Anna. Anna Liebert" tells a frustrated detective to a still under-shock Anna. He tries to use a name to remind her of her identity, namely the one tied to the crime she witnessed; but he has no success.

• Dr Heinemann, while discussing how to exploit Johan and Anna's story for good publicity, opens a bag of candy left for Johan and offers it to his co-conspirators. They're literally stealing candy from a child, what better way to show that their greed knows no limit?

REFERENCES

Tenma is not the only one in the hospital who's not paid enough

• BKA (Bundeskriminalamt): it's basically the German FBI.

• Roemer Hospital: while a Roemer Hospital (according to my researches) doesn't exist in real life, there is a Roemer's Law that concerns health policies. Formulated by the American Milton Roemer, it roughly states that in an insured population, an hospital bed built is an hospital bed that will soon be filled, since the availability of such means pushes the doctors to encourage medical care to more of the population at large (going by Wikipedia here, if a doctor is reading and my words fill him with outrage, they're more than welcome to present a better explaination).

Thank you for bothering to read so far. If you liked my writing and want to support me, you can do so by reblogging this or offering me a coffee (link in first reblog).

#monster #naoki urasawa's monster #monster meta #urasawa's monster meta #monster analysis #naoki urasawa's monster analysis #kenzou tenma #johan liebert #nina fortner #eva heinemann #dr heinemann #tentative analyses #tentative analyses: naoki urasawa's monster

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thistleandthorn-rpg · 1 year

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Congrats (and welcome back) Red with your application for Franco Fogarty! Please check out this page here for what to do next and send us his blog within 48 hours! Welcome back!!

OOC INFORMATION: Name/Alias: Red Preferred pronoun: She/Her Age: 31 Timezone/Country: GMT RP Experience: Many many years Activity Level: 7-8

IC INFORMATION:

Name: Franco Fogarty Designation (Dom, Switch, sub): sub Age: 25 Birthdate: 12 February 1998 Faceclaim: Drew Ray Tanner Orientation: Bisexual Kinks: Breath play, feminisation, objectification, TPE Anti-Kinks: Scat, vomit & vore

Key Points:

1) Cannot read or write properly. 2) Very much a people pleaser and could be a downfall but also a plus. 3) Is a regular smoker and will always have a pack on him. 4) Adores his family and would do anything for them

BIO

Franco had a pretty good upbringing. His parents had money, they always traveled, mainly for work but the kids got to go. His parents loved them dearly and although his dad was a pastor, it was never forced on them to believe. His schooling was all done at home which his parents claim is why he cannot read or write as it was never really picked up on but they continued to try and work with him and now you are lucky if you can get a child like scrawl on some paper.

Franco did everything he could to make the people around him happy. He wanted everyone to live in harmony and that was why he stayed with his parents so long. He would attend institutes in South Africa or wherever they landed up but, being moved from place to place was never enough to secure a claim and so, he decided he had to branch out.

He applied for places in America and, as luck would have it, he was granted a place at Stonewall Prep. His parents were of course upset but he knew he had to get some independence and so of he went.

BIO QUESTIONS:

What are your feelings about the mark you have received?

I kinda expected it. I am very much someone who likes to please others and so, it makes sense that sub would be where I landed. I would have preferred switch maybe but I am happy.

How do your feelings on the system compare to your parents’ feelings on it?

They are pro system even with everything they have seen in the slave houses across the world. I guess it wad engrained into me from a young age that I should be too. I have some reservations but most places I have been haven't been half bad

Where do you see yourself after you graduate?

I'd like to at least be able to go back to South Africa and see people and be able to spend some time with my family but ultimately that won't be my choice. I am ultimately gunna be claimed or become a slave, I choose option 1 please.

How do you feel about authority?

Authority is fine until the start to abuse it. That scares me a little but I can handle sure, I have done all my life.

#accepted #red

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lonleygirl222 · 3 months

Text

Grab popcorn

Before I get started the names of people are changed to as follows

SKM (cousin)

Vet (skms wife)

Pman (roommate)

Adolf (roommates girlfriend)

Tsunami (SKMs friend)

This is LONG overdue. I’m so sick of people thinking they can get away with running their mouth on social media and it’s cool, like no. So I’m here to set the record straight with all the drama going on here. So sit back grab your popcorn, nachos what ever and enjoy this tea. With a capital T! There will be a part 2!

As some know my family and I started all over and moved to Texas April 2023. We moved in with SKM and her family. Me thinking everything was going to be fine and we didn’t plan on being here for a year at all. SKM told me that pman was on the fence about us moving in so that kind of made me feel some type of way. But we still ended up coming here. When we came we were aware of the “issues” between SKM and Pman. From day 3? My husband and I were put in a very weird situation. SKM was the aggressor in ALL the arguments. I’ll admit I smoke I do it because my anxiety has been out of control since moving here. But I have NEVER been an absent mom. How ever SKM would spend 90% of her time out side chugging down red bull & 5hr energy plus go through like 3 packs of cigarettes. (Idk how people wanna kiss her because she has a serious case of gum disease) so anyway. She had the audacity to tell to tell me that I’m an absent mom because I smoke weed.

Let’s go on to the first day we went to the beach with her “circle”. 3 other women who are blinded by her lies and fakery. Well one finally saw the light but yeah. I was supposed to hang and start dating one of her friends ( I’m glad it never went anywhere ) but her was engaged to her ex husbands little brother who barely peaked man hood under the age of 25. (NOT MY TYPE) anyway. I’m in the water as a lot of people were and tsunami’s “fiancé” was in the water and came up to me and asked me about my eyes no harm done there for me at least lol. But tsunami took it ALL the way up the butt and south. I wasn’t mad because at the end of the day it’s pure jealousy. I never told her about the nasty messages he sent me and he clearly couldn’t stop looking at me every time I was around. lol flattered but he’s a little boy. So SKM was the reason for the downfall with tsunami. (IN PART 2 ILL EXPOSE EVERYTHING SKM SAID ABOUT HER FRIENDS)

Anyway, so SKM “played” the good mom/ good wife role lol but I low key saw past her bull because I’m one of those people. I never told her I already knew what she would never say so I kept it pushing. When we moved in we didn’t know what to expect, she had two dogs two cats none of them were taken care of but by Pman and the kids (his kids). The dogs would use the bathroom in the house and the formal dining room was beyond disgusting. They were infested with fleas (we didn’t know about it) ~~THIS IS WHERE IT GET GOOD. ~~

My legs, my sons, and my daughters were eating by these fleas. So we’re Pmans kids. (They never spoke up to SKM because they were afraid of her.) my daughter had a doctors appointment and the doctor saw her legs and knew what the marks were. The doctor left the room and went to the hall where I went like 3 mins after. She asked me about the marks and I told her “we just moved here staying with family and we didn’t know she had fleas this bad” the doctor said she could call CPS about this. I told her please don’t do that there are other children there and we have no where else to go and to give us a chance to get it taken care of with treatments and exterminators. She gave me that chance. At this point we’re already home and things home were already weird because Pman and SKM got into because he caught SKM fist deep in vet. (Lesbian) so this mf s popped off she came up stairs to giggle and laugh about it like she was in middle school. Now her reason to be asking a fool is because she said “I HaVe 5 KiDs, i MiSsEd My WiLd YeArS” it’s like no one told you to lay on your back.🤷🏽‍♀️. It’s time to grow up and set a GOOD healthy example for your kids.. so she was already moved in another room at this time. So when we got home she decided to call my son a liar because he “used” her products when her son used it. But failed to realize I gave him stuff to use. (EXAMPLE OF A NARCISSIST: never admitting when you’re wrong) so I walked out side to tell her about the doctors appointment and tell her about the CPS thing because the flea issue was talked about a month prior to my daughters appointment. SKM knew Pman knew my husband knew. We were supposed to sit down anyway and go half on an exterminator. So before I could even tell her that the doctor WAS GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET IT TAKEN CARE OF she just jumped and said “OH SO YOURE GOING TO CALL CPS ON ME?” Like are you $tupid? If I call on you that would be calling on myself lol. I know SKM is mentally unstable (LITERALLY) but damn.

So anyway, Pman ended up kicking her out and she ALWAYS plays the victim (EXAMPLE OF A NARCISSIST: 2 always plays the victim when wrong) she made up a lie that he threw her out lol when there is not one but four other witnesses that differ lol okay. 😂. When she left she basically gutted the place. Took ALL the kids clothes. She blamed me for smoking her flower lol when I don’t smoke flower, pipes or anything. I’m ALL VAPE! I don’t wanna smell like w€€d. But she took everything. She broke some things and blamed me or my kid for it when once it left the house it’s no longer relevant. MONTHS go by and she makes several threats to expose my infidelity to my husband. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. So stop pushing a fake narrative to make YOU look good when it literally makes you lo0k like Quasimodo LITERALLY 😂. All you need is a church and a bell to ring. Lmfao!

I think I’ll end it here and come back soon for a part 2. lol because when I tell you guys this is good, sad, and crazy. 🤯

See ya

#total drama #familyaintshit #fake family #fake friend #exposingtherealyou

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radiant-reid · 3 years

Text

Cuddles

The BAU team left for Mississippi on Tuesday afternoon.

It was very early on Saturday morning when Y/n got a text from Spencer to say he was on the jet home. It was always a warning sign a case was tough if they had been away for a long time.

Spencer had only called once a day, another warning sign. He always called at some point, but when a case was hard, he didn’t have a lot of time to talk. And the third was that he wanted to talk to his son and daughter.

Y/n did know the case involved a kid. Cases with kids were easier for Spencer before he became a dad. Now every boy that was missing was Bennett, and every girl was Madeline. Usually, he was thankful for his personal downfall. It seemed to make him think sharper and work harder. But, this time, it made it harder for him.

It could have been that the little boy that was taken was only 5, Bennett’s age. And, his mother, that was murdered, had brown curls like Madeline.

His bias had only served as a disadvantage this time. All he wanted was to save the boy. Unfortunately, they were too late. Spencer couldn’t shake the feeling of the cold little boy dead in his arms as he stepped off the jet.

He couldn’t shake what it felt like and how, in his nightmares, it was Bennett.

“Hey, Spence,” JJ called out, just as Spencer was getting into his car. The sun looked like it was just about the rise, being 6 in the morning. The sky was a light pink hue. When he turned around to look at her, JJ noticed something was off. “Are you alright?” She asked him, walking over.

Spencer instinctively nodded. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“Okay.” JJ accepted the answer, knowing it wasn’t true. She also knew as soon as he was back home, it would be better. “Henry has been begging me to ask you if he can have a playdate.” She told him.

Spencer smiled, thinking about his own son and his godsons. He was so immensely proud of all of them. “Yeah, I’ll text you sometime later.” He told her

JJ weakly smiled before waving goodbye to him and getting in her own car.

The drive home wasn’t too far, but it felt like forever. Spencer couldn’t get out of his head. All he was thinking about was the poor boy they lost. And, he wasn’t sure how he was going to act normal at home. He had enough bad thoughts haunting him, but he was usually able to block them out once he got home. He just wasn’t sure he would be able to this time.

Spencer sat in his car for a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts. When he decided he couldn’t, he got out.

He made sure to be as silent as possible when he unlocked the door. Placing his keys down and slipping off his shoes carefully. When he normally got home, from a case, he’d go and see his children but his tired footsteps marched him in the direction of the master bedroom. He quietly tiptoed through the house until he reached the living room.

There sat Bennett, watching tv. As soon as he saw his father, he jumped up and ran over.

Spencer bent down, engulfing his little boy in his arms. He couldn’t help the grin that spread over his face. Having children was an infectious stream of joy for Spencer. Whenever he was around them or thought about them, he couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey, buddy,” Spencer said, still holding Bennett in a hug.

Bennett pulled back and smile widely. “Hi, daddy. I missed you.”

“Aw, I missed you too,” Spencer replied. He always felt bad that his kids missed him when he was away. “What are you watching?” He asked, looking at the tv.

“Ask the story bots,” Bennett answered. Spencer put his go-bag on the floor. “I know how ears hear now.” He proudly announced.

“Wow, good job,” Spencer said, both fondly and proudly. He had been trying to inspire Bennett and Madeline to enjoy learning since they were born. And it seemed to be working. “Can I watch too?”

Bennett nodded quickly, and Spencer lay down on the couch. “Where am I going to sit, Daddy?” Bennett giggled, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Right here.” Spencer grinned, pulling Bennett on top of his chest. The little boy giggled, making Spencer’s chest tightened. Whenever he was at home, he felt like he was glowing.

Eventually, Bennett settled down, laying against Spencer’s chest. He was so little that he only spanned down to Spencer’s hips. Bennett put ran his fingers through Spencer’s curls while his own tickled Spencer’s neck. Their hair was absolutely identical. Spencer’s hands wrapped around Bennett, holding his as close as possible.

With the light Bennett on his chest, he was finally able to fall asleep. While everything wasn’t perfect in the world, at that moment, he could relax.

The Tv was still playing in the background, holding Bennett’s attention. Spencer was just surprised how long he could stay still.

He was in far too deep a sleep to notice when Bennett climbed off, trying his hardest not to wake his father. He didn’t, and Spencer kept sleeping, which he needed. He had only had about 10 hours of sleep for the entirety of the case.

Spencer did eventually wake up to the smell of fresh coffee. One of his favourite things in the world. One of his other favourite things was the woman standing in the kitchen and the two kids around her feet.

“You’ve got to be quiet, so daddy doesn’t wake up,” Y/n told the kids, who were running around. The pitter-patter of tiny footsteps was Spencer’s favourite sound. He sat up, now only remembering he had fallen asleep in his suit. It was crinkled a little, and his tie was more off centre than normal.

He sat up and both kids came rushing over, not drawing their mother’s attention.

“Hey, Maddie. I missed you.” Spencer greeted Madeline with a big hug. She squirmed in Spencer’s arms as he placed kisses on her cheeks.

“I missed you too, Daddy.” She replied once he’d put her down. The two kids ran off to their rooms to play.

Stealthily, he made his way over to the kitchen. He waited until he was just behind Y/n to make himself known. “Hi, baby.” His sudden words made Y/n jump as her whole body tensed. Spencer just laughed. She quickly whipped around to face him.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” Y/n told him, mock anger on her face. Spencer was still grinning, ear to ear. She looked so beautiful like this, natural. “I missed you.” She rather quickly changed her attitude, falling into his arms.

Spencer wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against his chest. He placed a kiss on her forehead. “I missed you too. So much.”

She pulled back from the hug before placing a kiss on his lips. It was gentle and sweet.

“Do you want coffee?” Y/n asked him, turning back to the coffee machine. Out of habit, Spencer rested his hands on her waist. Just above where her pyjama shorts hung.

It was moments like this he had missed the most, being close to his wife. “Mmhmm, always.” He whispered in her ear, craning his neck so he could place kisses along her jawline.

“It was a pretty bad one, wasn’t it?” Y/n asked knowingly.

Spencer just didn’t know how she knew. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“You’re always extra cuddly.” She answered, rocking back into him. “What happened?” She asked, turning back to him with his coffee in one hand, hers in the other.

Spencer led her outside to the balcony. He took a set on one of the chairs and pulled her onto his lap. The sun was still low in the sky, casting a perfect amount of heat that they weren’t cold. Then he started talking about the case. “It was pretty bad. Murders of woman and their children. The last one was a boy Bennett’s age. We didn’t get to him in time.” He gently told her. They had learnt from JJ and Will’s rule that if Spencer brought it home, they had to talk about it.

“Oh, Spence.” Y/n cooed, moving a hand so she could touch Spencer’s curls. He had one hand wrapped protectively around her waist. “You know you can’t project like that.” He nodded, taking a sip of his coffee.

“It just scares me there’s a lot of bad that I see.” Spencer continued. Sometimes, he felt like the whole world was riddled with bad things, and he wasn’t sure how to keep his kids safe.

“I know.” She confirmed. “But, the kids are safe. And I’m safe, and so are you, usually.” She told him. The reassurance made him feel better. “What do you think we should do for breakfast?” She asked.

Spencer sighed, pretending he was in thought. “Pancakes at the kids favourite, please.” He requested.

“We can do that,” Y/n confirmed with a smile. They both missed moments like this when he was away, but it made them more special when he was back.

Tag list

@archer561 @measure-in-pain @bingereid

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virginiaoflykos · 3 years

Text

Consumer Advice: if you like Red Rising, try these books!

Red Rising is my favorite series of all time, and since I first read it, I have always being searching for something similar. However, due to the contained scale of its cult fandom, it’s really hard to find anything useful. After 2.5 years of digging, I have now gathered a bunch of books which - for one thing or another - my be of your tastes, my fellow Howlers!

The First Law World by Joe Abercrombie

Read this if you like: Dark Age; Sevro & the Howlers; nasty, morally grey characters; people with hygiene problems; slow burn plot; hyper focus on characters and their personal journey.

The First Law is a grim dark fantasy series set in a 18th century inspired world with Norsemen, Flesh Eaters, demons and thousand years old magicians. Abercrombie is a master in writing complex, three dimensional characters, be them hideous, pompous or actually good people (but, in reality, you will not find many of those). If you don’t like people with... questionable hygiene, steer clear.

The series is composed of a trilogy (the OG books), 3 stand-alone novels and a sequel trilogy (the last book is hitting shelves in September 2021). The recommended starting point is ‘The Blade Itself’.

The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson

Read this if you like: Golden Son; Darrow-type characters; brooding; crazy world building; mish-mash of cultures/settings; knights with cool armors and cooler swords; character development; plot twists.

High fantasy set in a continent ravaged by storms, it follows the story of multiple characters as they try to survive and win a war between that has been going on for more than 10 years. Filled with astounding descriptions, fantastic characters - from both factions - and an extremely sophisticated magic system, if you like originality and brooding characters this is what you want to read. If you don’t like long books, this might not be your cup of tea; each is well over a thousand pages!

The series is currently on going, with a total of ten books planned.

Dune series by Frank Herbert

Read this if you like: Iron Gold; The Raa’s plot line; The Rim; Virginia; Diomedes; Playing with human psyche; desert/arid setting; cool character design.

Dune a very big name in the sci-fi genre, and Pierce himself has admitted this series was a huge inspiration for his works. Paul Atreides is the heir to the mighty House Atreides, prophesied since his childhood to be destined to great deeds. When he is sent on a remote planet to gather the melange - a drug that extends life and enhances mental abilities - he confronts with the burden of power and fear. If you don’t like old school books, beware: the cast is super white and super straight.

The original ‘series’ is composed of the books above. Herbert‘s son has been publishing, in recent years, other works set in the same world his father created.

The Expanse by James S. A. Corey

Read this if you like: aliens; action packed plot; multiple plot lines; deep space exploration; giant starships; long book series; lgbtq+ being a norm.

Of this massive book series - nine by the current count - The Expanse is a very influent and well loved series; there’s even a very good series based on the books on Amazon prime! Men has expanded through the stars, but everything changed when a sentient alien virus attacks humanity and threatens its very survival. If you love deep space and high tension, go for this one! If you don’t like long book series with a several long time skips, maybe don’t!

Night’s Dawn by Peter F. Hamilton

Read this if you like: Morning Star; hallucinating drugs; extremely big interplanetary empires; Carved animals; that very sense of decadence permeating from Golds; mind twisting plot twists; Tactus&Roque I guess?

Another oldish sci-fi, this time coming from 1997. Night’s Dawn is truly a tale of how humanity can cause its own downfall. Does that ring any bell to you? Men has spread through the galaxy, but an ancient enemy believed extinct makes a pact with a human to destroy the rest the Society. Once again, if you don’t like long books, Night’s Dawn is not your ideal choices, as each book is over one thousand pages.

The Craft Sequence by Max Gladstone

Read this if you like: terrorist warlords; chaotic neutral alignment chart; Ephraim; Lyra; Volga; corrupted society; detective story; cool lesbian ladies; murder mysteries.

A fantasy detective story (at least the first book) in a world with living gods and powerful sects of priests. If like chaotic, funny characters with dark humor undertones, Craft Sequence has finally manifested for your delight. If you are a fanatic of chronological order, you are going to get mad at this series, as the inner-chronology is completely different from the publication order!

Machineries of Empire by Yoon Ha Lee

Read this if you like: Roque; Darrow; Orion; Fleet battles; action; segmented society; unlikely allies; cool space ships; diverse cast; mathematics (not joking).

A fallen-out-of-grace Captain has to regain her honor by winning over one the most impenetrable fortresses in the whole galaxy. Space battles, strategy and calculations are the key to winning. But can she really, when she implants in her nervous system the conscience of a long dead murderous General? Tension is what you get. If you don’t like heavy handed strategy planning, you might find Lee’s series a bit too much.

This is the end of my list! If you have any more additions, please share them!

#red rising #morning star #golden son #pierce brown #dark age #iron gold #darrow of lykos #sevro au barca #red rising saga #virginia au augustus #book recommendations #the expanse #dune #first law #craft sequence #machineries of empire #night’s Dawn #the stormlight archive

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jeyramarie · 3 years

Text

The recruit- Yelena Belova x Reader (Part 8)

summary: sometimes things are too good to be true

wc: 2,629

warning: blood, guns, angst, cursing

a/n: omg!! two parts left, aaaah!! lmk if you like it, feedback is appreciated! if you wanna be tagged lmk and happy reading 🦋

part 1~ part 2~ part 3~ part 4~ part 5~ part 6~ part 7

The sun crept through the curtains, shining on Y/n’s face causing her to stir awake. She turned on her back and began to rub her eyes, opening them slowly to look at the crack ceiling. Her fingertips traced her lips softly as she remembered what happened the night before. They had finally kissed and they also finally realized the feelings that were involved. Feelings that have been in each other’s heart for quite some time but they were both scared to admit it.

The y/h/c threw the covers off her body and stood up from the bed while stretching her arms up. She walked out of the room, trying to be quiet since Y/n didn’t want to wake Yelena up. The blonde was in the next room and is a light sleeper. The first thing Y/n did once she arrived at the kitchen was make coffee. It was extremely crucial, especially after the night before.

After a few minutes, Y/n finally had her coffee in hand as she leaned against the kitchen counter while looking out a small window. The only thing roaming through her head was the feeling of Yelena’s lips on hers. The way she tasted, the way her hands felt soft on her face. All she wanted to do that second was go and cuddle with the blonde. Y/n was so lost in her thoughts that she never heard Yelena wake up nor saw her standing in the kitchen.

“Morning.” The blonde said, making her partner jump in surprise.

“Hi.” The y/h/c said nervously as she traced her finger around the rim of her mug. Silence fell upon them once more as Yelena prepared her own coffee mug. They both felt awkward, neither of them knew what to say. They didn’t know if they should talk about the kiss or not. Y/n moved to the dining table and sat down, staring out the window in question.

“I think we should talk about it.” Yelena muttered, her accent sounding thick.

“Talk about what?”

“You know what.” Y/n looked up and leaned back on the chair as the blonde moved to sit in front of her.

“I’m sorry for kissing you.” She whispered, tapping her fingers on the mug.

“Don’t apologize… I liked it.” The blonde whispered back with a smile.

“What’s gonna happen now?” The y/h/c asked looking with hopeful eyes.

“I don’t know..” Yelena whispered as Y/n leaned forward with her elbows on the table, closer to her partner.

“We can um… we can just wait and see where it goes… if you want.” The blonde nodded and smiled, pushing her chair back to move to the stove.

Yelena made breakfast that day, for the first time in the whole mission. Y/n was surprised it was actually good which caused the blonde to be low key offended.

“Why would you doubt my cooking skills?” She asked and drank from her juice.

“Well because I've never seen you pick up a knife with the purpose of cooking, it’s always to kill.” Y/n laughed and popped a piece of fruit in her mouth as the blonde chuckled along.

“I don’t hear any complaining.” Yelena mumbled with her mouth full as the y/h/c smiled.

“No complaints, it’s very good.” She smiled widely, interlocking her fingers and placing them under her chin. Y/n looked at the blonde as she continued to eat. Yelena looked up to meet her partners y/e/c eyes, which were already staring.

“We should um… probably think of what to do with Neculai.” The y/h/c whispered as the blonde nodded.

“Do you have anything in mind?” Yelena asked, grabbing both plates and pushing her chair back to stand up.

“I mean… we’re a bit far away and hunting him down is a bit dangerous… but we’ll be free quicker.”

“I think we will be better off if we just find him and kill him. Valentina too.”

“Yeah but they can either find us or kill us first. Both ideas have their downfall.” Y/n said as she pushed back her chair to take her coffee mug to the sink. Yelena was washing the dishes when the y/h/c’s arm came in front of her, placing the dish down. Suddenly, soft lips came in contact with her cheek making her stop and turn to her partner.

“I’m gonna uh… go look for my computer..” Y/n stuttered nervously and walked off, leaving Yelena a blushing and smiley mess.

Somewhere over Europe

Neculai walked back and front inside his private jet as he scratched his chin in thought. He had just left St. Petersburg after questioning Melina and Alexei about where the women may have gone.

Valentina wasn’t good either. She was staring at her hands as she poured herself a glass of whiskey. They were ruining her plan and all Valentina desired was to kill them herself. Get them out of the way.

“Yelena wouldn’t leave without knowing where to go first.” She said and turned to the romanian man who was already staring at her.

“She never moves without a plan. She knew where to go before getting into that helicopter.” Valentina continued, pointing out the window.

“Where do you think they went?” Neculai asked, walking towards her.

“I-I don’t-“

“They can be anywhere by now, Valentina!” He shouted in anger, making her take a few steps back.

“Domnule, am găsit un apartament. Este sub Romanoff la Budapesta. (Sir, we found an apartment. It's under Romanoff in Budapest.)” One of Neculai’s men said, walking towards them with files in his hands. He handed them his boss and nodded his head, excusing himself.

“Mulțumesc, Soran. (Thank you, Soran.)” Neculai mumbled as the man walked away.

“Budapest.” He almost whispered as his eyes scanned the files in his hand.

“It’s not far from here.” Valentina muttered and took the last sip of her drink before putting the glass down.

“Micah! Întoarceți acest avion… mergem la Budapesta. (Micah! Turn this plane around… we’re going to Budapest.)” Neculai shouted at the pilot and turned back to Valentina, lifting up his glass in a toast.

“We can’t just show up there.”

“Who said we can’t? It’s better like this, we can kill them faster.”

The apartment was quiet, the only thing you could hear was Yelena’s shower and Y/n typing away on her computer. She was trying to look for a way to find Neculai first so she went back to the surveillance footage and phone calls from his office. The y/n/c stood up and walked to the kitchen counter to make herself a snack when she heard a door creaking. She believed it was Yelena walking out of the bathroom so Y/n didn’t do anything.

“Hey, so I was thinking we can order chinese today! I really wanna eat out of those cardboard boxes with the chopsticks!” She shouted so the blonde could hear. When she didn’t get a response back, she turned her head towards the hallway in question.

“Yelena?” She called out and saw a figure out of the corner of her eye making her turn and gasp. A metal rod came in contact with her temple, knocking the y/h/c out cold in an instance.

A few minutes went by when Yelena finally stepped out of the bathroom. The apartment was unusually quiet which caused her to be on edge. She walked slowly towards the bedroom and grabbed her gun before walking out to the hallway again. The blonde put her gun up immediately looking into every room until arriving at the kitchen. Her heart broke when she saw Y/n unconscious on the floor causing her to lower the gun and run to her.

“Y/n? Y/n? Hey, come on.” She muttered, turning her body around to see her temple all bloody.

“Y/n-“

“Oh look who it is!” A female voice exclaimed, making Yelena grab her gun immediately.

“No need to shoot… I come in peace.” Valentina smirked and she held her hands up in surrender.

“Where’s Neculai?” The blonde muttered.

“Why? Did you miss me?” He asked, walking next to Valentina with a cigar in between his index and middle finger. Yelena looked at them in anger and shot her gun, taking them by surprise. She purposely shot the wall closest to them to make them duck and hide. The blonde took the opportunity to take Y/n and drag her into the bedroom to protect her from them.

“Y/n, hey! Please, wake up. Please, come on, open your eyes.” She said, tapping the y/h/c’s cheek repeatedly. Bullets began to hit the wall and the door making Yelena duck her head and cover Y/n’s body with hers.

After some time, the bullets stopped making the blonde stand up and run to the closet to get the machine gun. The bullets were prepared and she was fully equipped when she decided to open the door. She turned the knob slowly, opening the door as she made sure it didn’t creak. Yelena turned to Y/n one last time before closing the door. The blonde automatically put her gun up and began to walk around the apartment.

She saw movement from the end of the hallway, making her turn and shut from her gun immediately. The bullets hit the wall and she hid behind a column before the other man shot her way. The blonde peaked her head to the hallway and pointed the gun at the shooter, quickly shooting her gun. The man yelled in pain and fell to the ground making Yelena walk out and run to him, to see him struggling. She shot him three more times before taking his gun, putting it in the back of her jeans.

Yelena looked up, searching the place for Neculai or Valentina. Someone shot at her from the bathroom, making her run into what was her bedroom. Bullets hit the wall next to her making the blonde cover her head while they stopped shooting. The room turned quiet signaling the russian that the person had stopped shooting. She took that moment to move behind the door of the bedroom as heavy footsteps were heard down the hall. The masked man walked into the bedroom slowly with his gun up, walking away from the door. Yelena took the gun from her back pocket and fired the gun, shooting him in the back of the head.

“I know you’re here, Belova!” Neculai shouted from somewhere around the house.

“Come out and fight like a real widow!” Valentina followed, making Yelena clench her jaw in anger. She replaced her small gun with the big on and stepped out of the bedroom.

“I’m not hiding, especially from you!” The blonde said loudly, making her way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Neculai stood with his back towards Yelena, not expecting her to be there. She put down her gun and quickly kicked him in the back of the knee to make it bend. Her arm went around his neck, beginning to choke him as his hand went to his pocket to get his little knife. He took it out and waved the knife towards her, slicing her arm.

The blonde yelled in pain and released her grip, making the romanian turn to her immediately. She kicked his hand, watching the knife slide across the floor and kicked his face causing him to fall back. Neculai extended his hand and grabbed her ankle as Yelena swung her other leg to kick him off. As she stood she grabbed her small gun from her pants and pointed it at him as he stood up as well.

He gave her a bloody smile as he caught his breath before bolting towards her. Her finger pulled the trigger causing a loud bang followed by a shout of pain. Yelena shot him on the leg, to slow him down. Necuali stayed on the floor, clutching his thigh as the blonde moved to the living room to see Valentina already pointing the weapon at her.

“Put it down.” Yelena muttered, walking closer to the black haired woman as she took a few steps back.

“Not before you do.” She laughed dryly as they walked around the room slowly.

The blonde stomped forward and grabbed Valentina’s hand as she lifted her foot to kick her in the gut. The black haired woman stumbled back while Yelena walked towards with her fist clenched. The woman dodged her fist and tackled the russian to the ground.

Valentina straddled her and wrapped her hands around the blonde’s neck, keeping her grip strong. Yelena slapped her arms and pushed her face away but nothing seemed to work. Her oxygen levels were dropping fast, her lungs screamed to breath and she was beginning to look purple.

Suddenly, a loud bang was heard followed by a painful shout from Valentina. She immediately released her grip from Yelena’s neck and fell to the floor as she clutched her arm. The blonde sat up slowly and turned around to see Y/n holding up a gun, still pointing it at the injured woman.

“Lena, get up.” The y/h/c stated, never lowering her weapon as her partner hurried towards her.

“Get our things, we’re leaving.” She whispered and Yelena nodded, running towards the bedroom to pack their bags, again. Y/n was left alone, pointing at Valentina as she screamed in agony on the ground.

Suddenly, a piece of fabric went around her neck, pulling her back to crash into a hard chest. The pressure was cutting off her airways as she tried to fight the person off. The y/h/c was lifted slightly off the ground as she heard an evil chuckle next to her ear.

“Looks like I got you now, fetiță dansatoare.(little dancer girl.)” Neculai said with a bloody grin as Y/n’s nails dug into his skin. She tried to gasp for air every chance she got but she couldn’t. Her vision began to fog as her lungs continued to scream for oxygen. She moved her arm down the side of her thigh, pretending to let go but instead, she grabbed the knife placed under a little pocket on her jeans. Y/n lifted her arm and stabbed Neculai on his leg causing him to scream out in pain as he released his grip around the y/h/c. She quickly turned, knife in hand, ready to defend herself when she felt a presence from behind her.

Valentina swung her gun, hitting Y/n on the side of her head causing her to stumble over an already broken coffee table. The y/h/c turned to face and kicked her leg but was quickly grasped by the black haired woman. She laid still for a minute, thinking of an escape plan as she looked at Neculai walk towards them.

“Two against one? Seriously, this is unfair.” Y/n chuckled dryly as she shook her head. She pulled her foot towards her chest causing Valentina to stumble forward, closer to her giving her the opportunity to punch her in the face.

The y/h/c stood up and began to block Neculai’s hits until she was an inch away from the wall. Her body turned and the man’s fist went through the wall as she ran down the hallway towards Yelena. She kicked every door open, hoping to see the blonde with the bag packed. When she kicked the last door, the room was empty and the window was open. Y/n’s face softened as she frowned, noticing that everything was gone too.

yelena taglist: @evansmermaid @ilovefandoms102 @imfuckinggenius @yasmina-aesthete @yelenabelovv @halsmultibitch @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @daniescady @ilovewinter101 @s1ut4nat @nebulablakemurphy @wandanatvoid @lavendernonsense @theshippergal @kacka84 @trin-berly @sav06nat

#yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x y/n #yelena belova fluff #yelena belova angst #yelena belova smut #yelena belova fic #yelena belova imagine

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momsopposed2theoccult · 3 years

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It’s come to my attention that a good majority of people on this website have a really poor understanding of the conflict between Toph and Katara in “The Chase.” As somebody who loves both characters and their friendship, this irritates me. Without further ado, let’s unpack that in what is in theory supposed to be a meta but turned out more like a rant.

“Katara was hostile towards Toph because the fact that she’s a gender non-conforming girl made Katara uncomfortable because Katara is obsessed with gender roles.”

Alright, so right off the bat this is just... completely idiotic and clearly fuelled by an agenda (and likely also a lot of projection). First of all, how is Katara of “I don’t want to heal, I want to fight!” fame “obsessed with gender roles?” There’s an entire episode in Book One dedicated to Katara refusing to conform to societal norms for women in the Northern Water Tribe! Katara routinely calls Sokka out on his misogynistic bullshit! (Mind you I adore Sokka but he could be a little twerp at times and Katara was 100% right to challenge him on it) Katara is the feminist icon of ATLA! The fact that people act like Katara is some sort of conservative tradwife who loves gender roles instead of the outspoken feminist and political activist she is makes me incredibly angry.

Second of all, Katara was extremely kind and welcoming towards Toph at first. She gently encouraged her to join in with the group as they all set up camp together as opposed to setting up her own private camp. It’s only when Toph refuses to comply with her that Katara begins to get irritated. Mind you, Toph has her reasons for this, something I’ll get to in a minute, but from Katara’s perspective (key word here is perspective) she’s just being an annoying little stubborn, selfish, lazy, anti-social, entitled brat. Of course we the audience find out later that this isn’t the case at all (or at least in theory we should find out later but apparently some people on here skipped that part), but for all her many talents Katara is not a mind reader and has no way of knowing what’s going on inside Toph’s head, nor does she know her well enough yet to fully grasp the context behind why Toph acts the way she does. Katara is somebody who greatly values community and believes in teamwork, so Toph turning down her warm welcome in favour of “carrying her own weight” likely felt like a slap in the face. Not to mention that she’s already emotionally exhausted from having to constantly mother Aang and Sokka. If I were Katara, I likely would have reacted the same way.

Oh and I agree that the “the stars look beautiful tonight, too bad you can’t see them, Toph” comment was out of line, but it doesn’t make her a horrible person. It makes her a 14 year old, and 14 year olds can be nasty, especially sleep deprived 14 year olds. Katara is otherwise a very kind and compassionate person. Other characters have said worse than that. Hell, Toph herself has said worse than that. That being said, it was a deeply hurtful comment and I do like to imagine that she apologized for it off-screen.

“Toph is a lazy, entitled, and classist spoiled rich brat who just didn’t want to do chores and expected other people to wait on her.”

This is another one that makes me roll my eyes and ask if they even watched the show. First of all, the presumption that Toph is a lazy or entitled person is just... laughable. I feel like people forget that Toph isn’t actually an earthbending prodigy in the way that Azula is a firebending prodigy (I could say more about Azula and how her belief that she was the unshakeable prodigal daughter ultimately caused her downfall and how by the end of the series Zuko is arguably a better firebender than her but this isn’t a meta about Azula and Zuko, now is it?). Nah. Toph was a sheltered kid who discovered she had the ability to earthbend, was told that she could never become great at it because she was blind, and in response said FUCK THAT and decided to work her ass off until she was not only great but the very greatest all thanks to her crazy, stupid, off-the-charts nerve, drive, grit, ambition, and desire to prove people wrong about her. Does that sound like a lazy person to you? Believe me when I say that you do not achieve that kind of skill level by sitting around on your ass and expecting to have things handed to you. And entitled? Don’t make me laugh. Toph hates having things handed to her, that’s one of her defining characteristics.

As for the implication that she’s classist and enjoys basking in her family’s wealth and being waited on...... are you stupid? Did you even watch the show? Toph absolutely despises everything about her parents’ lifestyle. Growing up like that was traumatizing and restrictive for her. We’re talking about a girl who likes to play around in the mud for fuck’s sake. Toph does not care how much money you have. She never wanted any to begin with. She even says it herself; “I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. They gave me everything I could have wanted. But they never gave me what I actually needed - their love.” Not to mention that she easily could have continued to freeload off her parents wealth but instead chose to sneak out of the house and make her own money doing what she did best; disproving people’s assumptions about her earthbending. Oh and I’ve seen someone point this out before but WWE is generally considered a “low brow” activity that “proper” people frown upon and shouldn’t associate themselves with. Toph fucking loved it. I don’t know how seriously people take the comics, as they often miss the mark when it comes to characterization (Toph’s, however, was generally pretty accurate), but there’s a part in The Rift where Sokka asks her when she’s going to start charging people to learn metalbending and she gets all serious and flat out tells him that she will never do such a thing, because money doesn’t matter to her. Sharing her one true passion with the world is what matters to her. Oh and the part where she basically tells a bunch of rich and sleazy businessmen to fuck off and “stop thinking about money and start thinking about people’s lives” is just... *chef’s kiss* Sorry my thoughts here are so incoherent but this take is so piss poor and makes me so angry that I don’t even know where to start. As for “Toph enjoys being waited on” I just- *sigh* Toph has such a visceral and defensive reaction to any implication that she is unable to take care of herself. Like I said earlier, that’s one of her defining characteristics as well as the reason for her behaviour in “The Chase.” Where are people getting these takes?

You wanna know why Toph acted the way she did in The Chase? Well, first let’s recap her life up to this point. Toph was born the blind daughter of one of the wealthiest families in the Earth Kingdom. From day one her parents treated her like glass due to her disability. She was not allowed to leave her house unsupervised, and even then she was only permitted to walk around the gardens of her home. Every day of her life she was pitied, gaslit, babied, ignored, emotionally neglected, and made to feel ashamed of herself. She was not allowed to make any decisions for herself. She was not allowed to do anything for herself. She was not allowed to talk to other children. She had no friends. Other people didn’t even know she existed on account that her parents kept her locked up in her own home and didn’t tell anybody about her because they were so ashamed to have a blind daughter. Flash forward to “The Chase.” Toph begins to set up her own camp separate from the rest of the Gaang. Considering that she flat out was not socialized as a child and hadn’t even interacted with anybody her own age prior to a few days ago, this is understandable. So then Katara comes up to her and asks her why she isn’t setting up camp with the others as if she’s somehow incapable of taking care of herself (again, this is just what happened from her perspective) like she’s her mom or something and it just angers her because she thought she joined this group to get away from all that and she doesn’t understand how friends work because she’s never had one, all she knows is that apparently this girl thinks she isn’t capable of taking care of herself, and that infuriates her because it’s the exact same bullshit she thought she was running away from.

There’s a lot more I could say about this but I’m sick of typing so yeah in conclusion both of these takes are piss poor and I’m sick of having to read them. Stan Toph, Katara, and their friendship.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #katara #toph beifong #nora speaks

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9tzuyu · 3 years

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dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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makingspiritualityreal · 3 years

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Numerology Life Path 3 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series

This is a post in my astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 3. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else.

Introduction

The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience.

A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?”

Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time.

In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number.

If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well.

Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 3 - The Hanged Man, The Empress and The World

The vibration of the Life Path 3 is ruled by the expansive, benevolent energies of Jupiter. This gives this life path an optimistic zeal to pursue their goals, and a lot of energy for continuous, creative forward movement, fueled by Jupiter’s joyous nature.

The downfall here, as with all things related to Jupiter is excess and lack of measure. The key to constant prosperity is knowing where to stop, and preserving the bigger picture perspective. No matter what Life Path number you are, life always carries ups and downs with it. Life Path 3s can take their highs as dramatically as their lows, which can make them give up, when things are no longer that easy. Their ups can take them anywhere they want to, but their lows can sink them into a spiral of self destructive behaviors.

Jupiter rulership can also result in an opposite outcome to its natural, benevolent energy. A Life Path 3 can easily become dejected and disillusioned, struggling to rediscover their inspiration, and pushing themselves, because they expect the same, high level of results. The negative experience of the Life Path 3 is feeling limited, infertile, insufficient, not good enough, blocked and restricted. This despair can lead them to try to adapt some survival philosophy, which can make them stick to a narrow minded approach, just to have something measurable to believe in, a spiritual code to give at least an illusion of meaning. The key with this Life Path is preserving a real, measurable level of faith in yourself and your path, and making sure you don’t allow yourself to drown in negativity energetically, even if life sends trials your way.

Your optimism is as infectious as your depressive states are. Be aware of the power you carry, how you can influence not only yourself but everyone around you, and the fact that you can survive any storm through keeping your energetic flow intact, even when it’s challenging. Take any suffering you encounter as an adventure. Be careful not to overly dramatise and catastrophize. This is not something commonly talked about, but Jupiter not only gives blessing, but also expands every experience, both positive and negative. That means a Life Path 3 can make any problem worse in their head than it actually is, due to their tendency to go the extra mile, in any direction. As a Life Path 3, keep your head level, look for truth, a bigger picture and a deeper meaning in every situation, without letting yourself be overwhelmed by it. For you more than for any other Life Path, it’s about the process, not the goal.

We look for answers on the manifestation of the Life Path 3 energy through assigned Birth Cards.

The World - A card emblematic of the expansive energy of Jupiter. Represents infinity, limitless possibilities. Being the last Major Arcana card, it’s the ultimate outcome of our spiritual journey, where we feel enriched and blessed by the wisdom of all the experiences, that we encountered on the way, no matter how hard they could have been at times. This is the philosophy, that mature Life Path 3s embrace in life, that allows them to reach the heights, that other people admire them for. Nothing says “the world is your oyster” quite like The World card, because it has the wisdom and the perspective of all the previous Major Arcana energies. Having transcended and mastered the process of the spiritual growth journey, there is only perspective of infinity left in this stage, without the overwhelming emotional experience, that an initiate wrestles with in the middle of the growth process. This wisdom and serenity should be the guiding light for any Life Path 3.

The Hanged Man - Connected to the ability to expand through looking at things from a different perspective. It can also relate to the frustration element, that this Life Path can struggle with, the feeling of being stuck. However, it also points out how practical results for this Life Path are strongly dependent on their point of view. Life always leads to a crossroads at some point, and no one’s journey is perfectly smooth. The expansion, that Jupiter demands in this Life Path, requires having a varied experience, and that requires the open-minded and patient approach, that this Tarot card gives us. This is the tool of being measured and balanced for this Life Path - whenever a situation seems dire, look at it from another angle, and reflect upon it without constantly trying to push and exhaust yourself and rush forward. This is the pinch of restraint, that is necessary to hold Jupiter’s expansion together, the balancing, grounding, logical force, that humbles a Life Path 3 by constantly challenging them to keep growing through shifting their perception.

The Empress - Reminds us, how powerful this Life Path is. Gives Jupiter a controlled, more directed flow. A mastered Life Path 3 will embrace Tarot’s gift in this card - focus and discipline. There is power in this Life Path being so happy-go-lucky, independent and expansive. However this, card reminds us, that good judgment, emotional self control and self-imposed limitations are equally necessary for Life Path 3s to succeed. The Empress is very creative, fertile, abundant and nourishing. She is the apex of divine feminine creativity. However, like a good mother, she knows when to reward and take care of the child, but also where to set the limits. This card gives a Life Path 3 the skill to keep themselves in check, in order to avoid going overboard and spiralling into self-destruction.

As a Life Path 3, remember that the world needs your energy to keep going, not just to rush forward, but to exist in the moment with a mindset of abundance. Don’t forget, that for you more than for anyone how you look at things will determine the quality of your experience. There is a lot of power in this, because it gives you a high level of freedom. Don’t always rush forward. Take a break, pause, inhale, exhale. Enjoy the fresh breath of energy that you are, and spread it around, and you will always have that positivity come back to you in the end.

#numerology #making spirituality real #life path #life path number #numerology life path #life path 3 #3 #birth card #tarot #birth cards #jupiter #spirituality

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throwawayfish · 3 years

Text

𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐱 𝐏𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary: it’s never easy to always be in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but being with the pogue king just needs a bit more effort to keep it that way

warnings: platonic!rafe x reader (not a lot in this chapter), fluff, angst, language, minor drowning incident, lowercase intended, typos for sure

a/n: we’ve reached the end of the series! whew! it’s been a long time coming. read to find out what happens to jj and y/n!! gif used is mine :)

interact with the series masterlist or let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist! ♡

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐭𝐰𝐨, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞, 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫, 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞

the morning light didn’t shine through your windows for hours on the daily. the drawn curtains shielding you from the rays as you used as a barrier from the outside world, waking up later than what you’re used to. it was with bold determination that you managed to gather yourself and do what you normally would. get up, fix the bed, do bathroom agendas and cook food— either only for you or the best friends you had plans to meet with.

three days had passed since you last saw the group. staying within the rundown walls of your house, wallowing in heartbreak and, although you hate to admit it, self pity. but today was different, as pope persuaded her to surf - knowing that he was just trying to get her to go by using flattery - but she agreed after telling the lad he poor enticing skills.

the sun was at somehow at its peak as you arrived your usual spot, colossal waves in view as the silhouettes of your friends surfed from the distance. their laughs being carried away with the wind towards you let your feet sink in the hot sand.

though you loved hearing their faint laughters, the absence of the the one you were too nervous to run into once again didn’t come unnoticed. you propped your board by the palm tree that offered shade, peeling off the summer dress you had on as it revealed your favourite bikini. you waxed hastily, ready to get your body submerged in the ocean.

tucking your board under your arms, you ran to the white water that’s widespread on the shallow part, watching your friends wait for the set that was coming up as you ventured to them excitedly as you passed the shore break, using the riptide to get on the deep end faster.

once you reached the section they were at, it was as if it was your deep seated understanding with the rest to paddle out and catch waves of your own. it was deemed throughout the group- that eventually became passed on the island, that you and the blonde pogue were one’s greatest competition when it came to surfing. you both found it funny, setting the pressure aside and let your adoration for each other mask it.

the swells were developing faster, some breaking earlier than usual and some not being worth to catch. soon enough, the two boys left to rest for a little while, having been there an hour before kie and an extra half hour before you.

silence filled the air for awhile, the only thing easing the tension in the atmosphere was the crashing of the waves. it was soon ceased as the brunette spoke, “i’m sorry...” you looked at her, prompting her to continue “about you and jj.”

your lips formed a thin line, not knowing whether to make a face or smile. “i hope you guys could work it out.” that statement alone impelled you to let out a scoff.

“you’re actually telling me that...you’re actually telling me that?” you asked in annoyance, she bowed her head before building up the courage to speak again.

“we weren’t doing anything behind your back.” she started, “i know it doesn’t seem that way but believe me, we didn’t. i can’t do that to myself, to jj, and i respect and love you too much to do that to you.”

although you guys we’re still floating on your surfboards, hair and skin soaked in salty water, you could guarantee that a few tears fell from her eyes. but knowing kie and being best friends for so long, tears were not what you needed to have assurance of her sincerity, it was simply her bringing her walls down to talk her feelings away.

“i appreciate that a lot. i’m sorry too if i doubted you, it just wasn’t hard to do so when he has chosen you over me multiple times. and it’s not like it’s a bad thing to be closer than ever, he just doesn’t know how to get his priorities straight, i guess.” you answered, letting the water cradle you as you eased through a conversation.

it was not hard to forgive kiara, positive that what she was saying was true. you looked out to the horizon as you were at the apex of a wave, closing your eyes but cutting it short as you heard her speak, “he loves you...” you looked into her eyes and can see the honey colour of them spill out genuineness

“...so much. but he was doubting as well. the reason why he kept on meeting me was he was asking me stuff to know if you were sure about him.” you furrowed your brows, keeping you gaze at her as your stare asked for more questions.

“it’s not my place to speak for him. it’s better if you guys talk. that night was full of rage, make another one full of understanding. all i want right now is to be your best friend again.” a lot of weight was lifted off your shoulder, you clouded mind started to clear as you paddled slightly over her to wrap her in your arms “you never even lost me, kie.” she returned the hug as you both caught a few more waves.

as you both decided that it was time to paddle back, the period dropped as the tide leveled out offering a few entries into nice waves. kiara, out of breath let you have time for yourself as you insisted that you’ll be fine alone and waited a few minutes for a nice set to conquer and kick out the channel.

a herculean wave came to view which quickly capped out. paddling over after it broke, you saw the second one gaining such momentum as it approached someone like you who’s been expecting a day ender.

intimidating was the word you described it in your head. it towering over you as the sun rested at the shoulder of it, the glare making it harder to examine what it’s going to do whether it is going to close down or give you the time to catch it.

after seeing the line for previous waves, you decided to paddle out, fully committing in it being one of the difficult waves that size that you surfed in.

but that commitment lead you to a minor downfall as the higher you got, the clearer the reefs became as it drew off from the ocean ground. making you realize that it would be a steep giant that you needed to brace yourself for.

things didn’t not go your way as your board basically was propped on air, not giving you any control to position yourself. you dropped on the cold water, covering your head as you landed exactly where the impact zone is.

reeling your board in, you tried to catch a decent sized wave, hoping to ride out on the white water to get out of the section faster. your arms were killing you, not cooperating as it just made you slower.

soon enough you once again submerged, a plethora of underwater billow surrounding you. the current tossing you around, making you tumble worse than a gymnastics class make their students do.

when you surfaced, an engine could be heard nearing you, a voice shouting your name as it reached your seemingly lifeless body. the yells were indistinct, your board long forgotten as your back hit the fine sand before you were rolled over to your side, your eyes still closed.

“y/n, you okay?” you heard, slowly gaining back your consciousness, you felt hands soothing your back as you opened your eyes, meeting your favourite blue ones.

jj had his moments, and running to you was his solution to everything. but when he got in a fight with his father, rebuttals about you set his insides on fire as luke degraded him to the point where even he, the guy who shrugs everything off and continues to live his life, questioned if he was even worthy of you.

that’s what lead him to spending his time with kie. as he couldn’t feel any pressure when he’s around her. asking her what he could do to improve about himself to be enough for you and always getting the same response that he already was.

but as he saw you with rafe, that set off the recurrence of his negative thoughts. the smile that you give to mostly everyone suddenly became a special one for the kook, the goodbye wave you did suddenly became a secret message of i miss you, and the words of his dad of him being useless suddenly became true.

it was illogical, as him out of all people should know who you were, being that you’ve been friends for as long as you can remember. but you ending your guys’ relationship worsened the situation.

he came from the garage where the his dad kept his equipments. having to steal keys from a drunk luke wasn’t such a task as he was drunk himself, the confidence sinking in as he approached the steps of the house that didn’t even look like one.

he did the sort of thing every now and then, taking the phantom for a spin was his escape, even though it was usually followed by a few punches when his dad finds out. he learned overtime how to be more furtive about it, knowing when to take the boat and how to use it without his dad finding out.

the surfing invite got to him, pope never leaving anyone out of the group. however, he still refused as he knew you were coming. positive that you cannot last three days without acting like a sane person, he wanted to give you a fun day to be with the others without him ruining it.

but he could just not see you, so he drove to your constant place to surf. the place where you both came to terms with your feelings and the one where you had discussions of how you both will have the chance to surf at Mavericks.

he watched smiling at your figure dancing on your board. the water glistening beneath as if it was worshipping you as you became one with the ocean, letting it control you. but he immediately was in action as he saw you wipe out and get toppled by gigantic swells multiple times. it wasn’t an easy task, as the set made it difficult to reach for you in his first try, having to drive away briefly as the set approached. he pulled your body onto the phantom as he finally had the chance to, his heart breaking at the sight of your once velvet lips now turned blue.

the others were just as worried for you when the blonde reached the shore. jj performing cpr before turning you sideways to let out any saltwater from within as he shouted your name. he felt helpless, but it was soon replaced with relief as your weak eyes made contact with his cerulean ones. the tightness in his chest loosening the grip it had.

you sat up as you looked away and was immediately given water by john b. jj running a hand through his already messy locks “don’t you scare me like that ever again!” frustration masked in his voice.

the others were reassured of your safety already, but they also knew that it was time to leave you two to talk, and with that being said they excused themselves to go wait in the twinkie.

“uh..thank you.” you broke the awkward silence, offering a smile that didn’t last long as you looked at anywhere but him “you’re welcome. are you fine? do you need to go to the hospital?”

you shook your head, walking back to the palm tree where your things are. you put on your dress as the golden cast from the sun complimented your tanned skin. you began to pack up when you heard him speak

“can we talk?” he pleaded, a heavy sigh escaped your lips. your head and lungs were still stinging from almost drowning, and you knew tears were not going to help. but you also knew that if you didn’t talk now then nothing will ever be resolved, so you nodded, sitting on the beach chair john b brought, him sitting on the other one across from you.

“what have we become?” you joked and just as you were expecting he laughed with you while nodding in agreement “i was an asshole— screw that, i still am! i’m an asshole.” he paused and looked down before getting out a regretful laugh “but i’m in love with you. i still am.”

“an asshole that’s in love with me? what a dream.” tears brimmed the corners of your eyes. you reached out, grabbing his chin to make him look at you, “you hurt me,” swallowing the lump that formed in your throat before continuing “you made me feel like i was nothing to you anymore. you were my definitely when i was just a maybe to you.” you breathed deeply “but i hurt you too.” you sniffled

“the ways you tried to take your mind off things, me, was kinda fucked up. you weren’t thinking about me, only yourself...” he tried to cut you off but you raised your hand to let him know you weren’t finished.

“but jj you need to know you’re enough for me.” this time he interrupted “kie told you.” he said in statement rather than a question. you nodded, grabbing hands and held it tight.

“she did. and how dare you think i’m high maintenance and have high standards! you have more skincare products than me!” he laughed and wiped the tear that threatened to fall.

“i just thought you deserved better. seeing you with rafe at the ferry just set it off even though i know you would never cheat on me. you cried when you saw a frog eat a fly! but i could never give you the life he could, or any other guy in this case. i live off of beer and extra grits from the wreck—”

“i love you. i think that’s an enough answer, is it not.” he stoop up for a moment before dropping on his knees to match your height. caressing your rose blush cheeks that got more saturated as he tried to catch your eye.

“can we please try this again?” he queried, his eyes showing the red veins as he tried to stop his tears from falling once more. you smiled, nodding and throwing your arms around him, him almost losing his balance as he caught you.

“i thought you’d never ask.” you placed a chaste kiss on his cheeks and buried your face on the crook of his neck. it was quiet for a few seconds before he muttered

“what about rafe...”

you kissed him. your soft ones brushing against his chapped ones. but you didn’t care, his lips were on yours, at that moment you knew it was definitely him, you weren’t wrong the first time.

“i’ll eat grits for the rest of my life if it means being with you. rafe’s my best friend but you’re the one i want. now shut up and kiss me again.”

your hearts beat faster and faster as your lips collided with his own. he knew this kiss was the seal he needed. you thought it would be only be a short and sweet one, but as you began to pull away his arms were on your figure. one at the back of your neck as he deepened it, the other on your lower back to pull you closer. a gesture that didn’t compare to a surging tide as it made your knees weak.

once he pulled away, he brushed his nose with yours. his eyes stayed close as he was contented in feeling “you sure you’ll be satisfied being with me? because we’re off on a really bad start already and i’m telling you, you ain’t going anywhere.”

“i think that kiss was an answer in itself, love.”

you pulled in an embrace, placing a kiss on your temple as he squeezed you lightly “hell yeah!”

you drove up the roads of the outerbanks, the windows of your old vehicle rolled down as you bathed under the starlit canvas, the breath of the moon sending soothing kisses to your face.

the estate was still well lit, majority of the light in the deck turned on as a shadow appeared from one of the pillars that was blocking it. you ventured forward, confirming your guess as to who it was. once they looked down, you waved and they immediately ran down to meet you.

“y/n!!!” they yelled in excitement as they clung onto you. you giggled as you put your index finger on your lips, mentioning for her to lower her tone as you pulled their hair jokingly “what’s up, sneezy”

“you’ve missed 8 sleepovers. that’s a lot to make up for if you ask me.” she sassed and you just rolled your eyes.

soon enough you were inside the mansion once again. it felt like a void has been filled, feeling like going there was a part of you. not because of how big it is or how you get to experience staying over once in a while compared to your house or the uncomfortable pull out that you loved nonetheless. it was because you felt like the people here, or atleast the ones in your age range, considered you as family.

sarah jumped up from the living room couch as she saw you, rambling about how she missed you and how you miss out on a lot. but she promised to tell you all about it, asking you if you wanted to stay the night. you knew she wasn’t going to let you go anyway so you agreed. promising to catch up after you do what you initially came for.

the high end door was slightly open, a faint light from the inside tainting the dimly lit hallway. you pushed it open eagerly, seeing the boy on his bed finishing a can of soda. his slicked back hair making you laugh as you leaned against the doorframe.

“hey kook! wanna be friends again?”

the end.

it’s been a journey writing this series! i hope you guys enjoyed the ride as much as i did. it took a minute to finish it bc i had finals but especially because i wanted to somehow give an unsatisfyingly (if that even is a word) satisfying ending. thanks for the love on this series and see you guys in my other works!! ♡

i couldn’t tag some of you guys for some reason. there are also others who probably changed their usernames so if you see this and want it updated or you want to be added to the taglist just let me know :)

@sunsetholland @bibliophilewednesday @drewswannabegirl @spilledtee @ifilwtmfc @maybebanks @obx-snippets @glux64 @rae131415 @pink-meringues @jeyramarie @lust-for-pan @k-roleplay20 @prejudic3 @rafeyybabyy @mj-20182 @makrenee @hoodpankow @softtfordrew @diverrdown @obxhstyles @suicidexdarkness @edyn-nicole @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @obxloves

#outerbanks #jj maybank #jj maybank obx #jj maybank x reader #obx #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank series #obx imagine #kiara carrera #rafe cameron #john b routledge #pope heyward #jj x reader #obx series

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demonslayedher · 3 years

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I'm glad you reactivated the questions, here are some flowers for you: 💐 Seriously speaking I'm sorry that because of a question I asked you a few weeks ago you watched a series of videos of psychopaths 🥲It made me laugh at first but then I felt guilty 💔 it's all Muzan's fault for leaving us all with curiosity (imagine his parents' reaction once they realized there was something wrong with him even as a human)

Yay, flowers (which I shall kill with my black thumb)! And no, no, it’s fine, I had hoped it came off funny! I like listening to stuff like that while I draw anyway because I’m a nerd anyway and I found it very interesting.

Speaking of being a nerd, you have innocuously unlocked the following essay about Heian period nobility and wisteria flowers: There is nothing to state so in canon, but I find it highly reasonable to say Muzan might had been of the very powerful Fujiwara clan. Step inside my office, Anon.

Okay. So. The Heian period, simply put, was a time of cultural flourishing and beautiful pastimes, the origins of a lot of Japanese style aesthetics, and a romantic courtly like of romancing everybody else in the court. This is assuming, of course, that you were at the very, very, very, very top of society. Otherwise, the vast majority of people were poor and sick and starving and ew, in young Muzan’s world, we do not wish to associate with that. In the Heian court, Kyoto basically is the whole cultural world. Even though there were other cities that could rival Kyoto, the emperor was there, so it was essentially the cultural center of the country. The nobles who lived there got money from owning land in far-flung provinces, but actually having to live in those provinces? What a drag! Having to live away from Kyoto for work, even if it wasn’t an official banishment, often felt like a punishment to the nobles and their families who were used to the social scene at court. And, like affluent courts around the world throughout history, understanding all the intricacies of style and “Heian Rumors” was key to having social clout, and popularity was power. And yeah, nobles would be vicious to each other. While clan dynamics and history are complex and not something I’m getting into here (I don’t consider myself well-versed in it enough), the Fujiwara clan is a BIG DEAL. Basically, in Heian times, children were typically raised in their mother’s home, thereby heavily influenced by their mother’s clan, so besides a young man’s parents, his in-laws also would had been hugely influential in his life, as they will have a long-felt influence on his progeny. The Emperors typically married Fujiwara daughters. This, in addition to other positions of influence of the Fujiwara clan members usually held with influence over the Emperor, means that politically, there was no messing with them. Now, just because I say Muzan might had been a Fujiwara clan member, I don’t necessarily mean a member of the main branch of the family. Often, due to inheritance management, different branches of various noble clans might be given different surnames. The Fujiwara clan does have different branches, some of which did go one to have close ties with the imperial family even after the fall of their power at the end of the Heian period and all the way through the Taisho, and some branches carry some impressive family legacies but otherwise live like normal or high-class common folk in modern-day. (I know one such Ojousama from a renamed Fujiwara branch; she’s a sweetheart and never brings it up herself but every time I hear other people say things about her family, I’m like, dang.) We can venture from Muzan’s likely expensive medical treatment, multiple marriages (meaning other clans sought to be connected with his family even by marrying their daughters to a sick man), and even preparation for cremation as a baby that he was of a very, very high status.

Being the sick son of a prominent family may have warped his personality in multiple ways: first, he was probably already used to a culture of popularity equated political power. We see in Muzan’s dealings with humans in the Taisho period that he can be exceedingly charming to get what he wants (a psychopath trait, haha), so he was probably pretty aware of the complex ways of socialites in the court. But, even being aware of that, it probably frustrated him to no end that he was too sick to take part in the social pastimes where he’d gain clout. It’s also possible that he was a bit of a bargain husband for his wives’ families who were seeking to a make ties with his family, as they must not had been politically useful enough to be married off to other powerful matches. This may be some of why he was so ruthless to them, for he never saw them as useful to him in the first place. This probably got a bit worse once he became a demon. Now to be lewd, but he probably got more vigorous in his pursuit of more powerful lovers, and knew how to slay the women’s hearts as he liked (you know, popular Heian pastime, everybody had lots of lovers, it was the norm, though political marriages and legitimate children were still important). That new sense of power probably went to his head. But, ultimately, he must had been limited in clout since he couldn’t take part in any daytime activities, thereby limiting his access to more powerful spheres of influence. His reputation from having grown up sickly must had followed him too. It’s anyone’s guess how much affection his parents had for him and how happy they were about his health at first, and if and when they might had noticed his changes. He was a full-fledged adult by the time he turned into a demon, so who knows how closely they even associated with him. They likely had healthier children who they devoted more care and attention to, and invested more family resources in while assuming Muzan would probably die young.

Who knows what the final straw was in Muzan leaving court? Was it frustration at not being able to walk in daylight that made him flee to the Kanto area in pursuit of the blue spider lily (from near where the doctor lived) long before Kanto became politically affluent? Or was it the rumors at court about how he didn’t age, and that he was eating people?

Of note, a lot of the early legends of demons in Japanese culture take place in the Heian period.

In his book “Japanese History of Demon Slayers,” retired Shizuoka University professor Tetsuo Owada capitalized on the success of Kimetsu no Yaiba to dive into a lot of ties between the series and what it may pay homage to throughout Japanese history and culture. While this was published last September and a handful of his theories have been disproven by the second fanbook published last February, and while I think a lot of his theories are stretching a little too far to make strong connections, it’s still deeply, deeply interesting stuff. He goes into some specific comparisons of demons, like Minamoto-no-Raiko and his posse of four big bad warriors taking on the Tsuchigumo (giant spider demon) terrorizing the mountains north of Kyoto harkening to the case of Rui’s family (and, ding ding ding, this was the primary focus of the official Kabuki/Kimetsu crossover last November), as well as takes little questions left in canon and dives into them a bit deeper. One such question is, why were wisteria lethal to demons? According to Prof. Owada’s research, there is no historical basis for this. Some of the talk online is that: 1. Wisteria are in fact poisonous, and consuming too much of them would cause vomiting and diarrhea (though I’ve also seen people make jam out of them because of the fragrance, so, like???) 2. Beans are thrown around at Setsubun to ward off demons (like so, Feat. Muzan and Kimetsu Beans), and wisteria are of the bean family 3. Wisteria like sunlight, so perhaps like Nichirin, they soak up some of the sun’s properties that are lethal to demons 4. In the language of flowers (Hanakotoba), wisteria symbolize kindness, welcomeness, refusing to leave someone’s side, being drunk with love, being straightforward and truthful, not losing the humanity in one’s heart, thereby containing a lot of meaning contrary to the conduct of demons Interesting, but some of its kind of a stretch. While still finding it a stretch to apply it to wisteria being poisonous to demons, Prof. Owada goes on to say that since ancient times, while the wisteria has some negative connotations of how it was sometimes written with characters meaning “doesn’t heal” (不治) and growing downward with smaller and smaller flowers like symbolize the slow downfall of a family line, it conversely also carries positive connotations of longevity and flourishing family due to the fact that its vines grow upward.

Now, you might picked up at some point that the Japanese word for wisteria is “fuji.” Not to be confused with Mt. Fuji (that’s written differently), it IS the same fuji as in “Fujiwara”: 藤.

Prof. Owada goes on to explore the association with the use of Wisteria crests in Kimetsu no Yaiba, especially on the houses of supporters of the Demon Slayer Corp. His recurring thesis is that the pandemic is partly responsible for Kimetsu no Yaiba’s popularity since demon legends have long since had origins in epidemics, and he supposes the Wisteria crest has a protective effect on the houses, similar to a talisman used in a lot of real life rituals for warding off illness and then often displays in or on the entries of houses to protect the family every year (I have one such item gifted to me, it stays by my doorway, along with a couple sticks of charcoal (but the culture of charcoal is a post for some other day)). The talisman is in reference to a god of Hindu/Chinese origins being treated with hospitality by the So clan, so although other families perished in disaster/disease, he promised to always protect the So clan descendants, so the talisman says “Descendants of the So Clan” so that any household may try to claim that divine protection. The gratitude-exchange of hospitality and protection and sure sounds familiar! Prof. Owada isn’t done yet. While the crest design used in Kimetsu no Yaiba isn’t an actual family crest in in real life, there are lots and lots and lots of family crests that use a wisteria design and have the character for “wisteria” in the name. Any time you hear “—tou”, like Satou, Saitou, or even Gotou, you can typically assume it’s 藤. It’s very common nowadays, but the first family to be granted the use of this name was the Fujiwara clan, when one of the pre-Heian and very powerful emperors granted their clan head this surname, which was a major honor, and it marked the start of the Fujiwara clan’s political dominance (there was already influence leading up to this, but meh, we like clear-cut stuff to simply centuries of history, don’t we?). Furthermore, although we often think of the Fujiwara clan for their influence at court, and we might think of the Minamoto clan for warrior heroes who fought demons, Prof. Owada concludes his argument of wisteria’s protective influence by pointed out a long list of Heian period Fujiwara warriors who also were the heroes of demon slaying legends, stating that their name has also long been tied with demon slayer culture. SO!!! Let me go on with my theory here. Muzan is from the same family line as Ubuyashiki. At some point (I assume after Muzan is long gone from Kyoto), the family is told while their children keep dying, and they accept their mission to bring an end to Kibutsuji Muzan and clear this curse on their family line. My thought is that their ancestor was a full blood sibling of Muzan, one whom was more invested in than sickly Muzan. While perhaps already an off-shoot of the Fujiwara Clan and thereby not entitled to the same sorts of inheritance, they probably maintained close ties with them. But, as it was already not direct by that time, the other Fujiwara clan branches were not affected by this curse. To further spare the clan the effects of this curse, this was probably when that sickly branch took the name Ubuyashiki. (And yes, I have things to say about this name and its possible mythological origins which I find a highly, highly interesting connection. Prof. Owada supposes it is tied with Izumo Taisha Grand Shrine and that is why there are nine pillars, but as much as I love Izumo Taisha and its giant pillars I base my argument in separate Shinto (but also Izumo!) mythology and accept that there are not always supposed to be nine Pillars specifically and Gotouge simply chose that number based on the number of strokes in the kanji for ‘Hashira’ (柱) BUT I DIGRESS). So, the Ubuyashiki Clan is it’s own thing, but is sort of like a cousin to the other Fujiwara branches and thereby continues to enjoy Fujiwara support throughout the Heian period, like some of the Fujiwara warriors going out there and slaying some of Muzan’s early demon experiments, and using their influence to bring in other warriors to the demon slaying cause (pet

theory: Genpei War warrior Kumagai Naozane was a member of the proto-Corp and using Kasugai-garasu was in practice since at least late Heian period). While the Ubuyashiki Clan probably already their own inherited land (and funds that came from it), throughout their history, their cousin clans might also have provided financial support to the Ubuyashiki Clan. But, they probably distanced themselves from the clan due to the curse and not wanting to be tainted. When you bring back in the wisteria associations this puts the contrary associations with a flourishing and dying family line in a new light. Furthermore, the “not healing” way of writing “fuji” also means a lot more in the context of Muzan’s, and later the Ubuyashiki clan’s illness.

#KnY nerdery #Kny fandom theories and meta #kibutsuji muzan #ubuyashiki kagaya #Kimetsu no Yaiba #Demon Slayer

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tobiosmilktea · 3 years

Text

where orchids grow — kageyama tobio

2.1k words | genre/s: hanahaki!au, angst, hurt/comfort | warning/s: mentions of death, mentions of depression | pairing/s: kageyama x reader, platonic!tsukishima x reader

↪︎ in which an innocent little crush led to your downfall

a/n: i wrote this almost a year ago when i first started this blog. i thought the writing was really mediocre so it has been sitting in my drafts ever since,, BUT it’s finally getting to see the light of day cause i’m cleaning out my drafts :)✨ pls be easy on this one ewbd

it haunted you in your dreams, squeezing and grasping and clutching at your lungs until your final breath gave way–until they shriveled up into nothing as flower-torn chest had killed you. well... not yet at least.

no matter the amount of effort you had put into suppressing your feelings for the setter until it was nothing but a withered memoir, you couldn’t help but lay upon your bed, restless, as you recalled the flashing images of bloodied flowers that had been freshly thrown up from your lungs earlier this evening. you liked to think you’ve learned to control your emotions and feelings around kageyama well enough that the aching feeling of growing flora in your chest wouldn’t effect you that much, but of course the feeling was still evident. however, it was earlier this evening when the setter split half of his meat bun for you after a practice game and the sheer look of care and admiration in his eyes forced a rose to travel up your esophagus.

it was so horrifyingly beautiful, a disease growing flowers within its host, wrapping until it plants itself to the point of rupturing the owner’s heart and lungs due to unrequited love. you hated it—despised for that matter as the memories of your past self screeching in pain and heaving to breathe. your face turned alabaster.

your heart thudded against your rib cage as the feeling of suffocation of chrysanthemums, daises, roses, tulips, cherry blossoms, and dandelions echoed within you. your hand rested upon your chest. the feeling of such ghosted atop your rib cage where you could faintly feel the growing stems of flowers and weeds.

there was an evident aching within your heart that wasn’t from hanahaki, rather from the thought of how brutal it was caused an immense pain to compete with the actual disease. the first incident of you throwing up bloodied flowers was the moment you got home one day. you were walking home with kageyama after hinata went ahead as he had his bike with him, leaving you two to your own demise (he had a little hunch about your feelings for the raven-haired boy, but he never bothered to confirm it). it was then you two reached the entrance to your house in which you two bid a farewell. you were so enthralled with how beautiful he looked with his dark blue eyes that shined thousands of stars.

it was game over for you.

you stumbled through your front door to which your mother worriedly asked if you were okay. you could barely mutter out a response as the roses and daises and chrysanthemums fought their way out of your system, throwing up your one-sided feelings in hues of thick crimson and hollow chests.

from then on, you had routine check ups at the hospital. in fact, you had an entire team of doctors taking care of you due to how rare the condition is. you see, hanahaki disease only occurs to those so massively in love with another, whose feelings can compete against the strongest love of all, that a simple little crush wouldn’t cause all this commotion. unfortunately, friendly love wasn’t enough to ease her homemade raptures.

they also said it was long term illness, well... long term taking into account how well you can endure the pain. occasionally there are those who can endure the pain their entire lives, yet there are the majority who simply die from the excruciating pain within a few months. the only true way to cure yourself from hanahaki was to either get kageyama to match your feelings or to get surgery to remove the constantly growing flora.

the thing is with surgery is that the moment you get it, your feelings for that person completely disintegrate. you can you no longer feel the same love as it is permanently gone. you can never regain those feelings ever again.

that was the fact that scared you the most.

despite knowing you can no longer take the pain and that you needed this surgery, there was a twinge of hope within your aching psyche that perhaps there was a chance. a chance that kageyama tobio would look at you for once that wasn’t just a friendly gaze. a look in which he would come to realize that he was in love with you. and because of this, you endured the pain a little longer.

the only downside was that no one else besides your family knew about your condition. not even your friends. and yet, with most secrets that are difficult to keep, eventually it will get out. tsukishima found out sooner than you’d had hoped.

you and tsukishima shared the same class and one day kageyama had visited your classroom during lunch, giving you his favorite milk from the vending machine as payback for helping out the volleyball club and with tutoring. it then when you felt your cheeks burning cherry red and the infamously familiar sting within your lungs. he then gave tsukishima a melon bun that he owed and the moment kageyama walked away, the blonde middle blocker immediately noticed the pain written across your face.

you pushed the carton of milk in his hands when you dashed down the hallways towards the restroom. fortunately, you were able to make it in time, locking yourself down in one of the stalls and profusely throwing up sticky and bloody flowers with hot streaming tears pricking at your eyes and threatening to spill. you immediately wiped them up. you couldn’t let anyone see you like this.

you flushed the toilet and watched the water turn red to clear when it went down the drain. you sighed, leaving the stall and looking upon yourself at the mirror. you looked absolutely terrible. from the dark circles under your eyes from nights filled with insomnia due to the aching pain, to your eyes still red from sobbing in the stall, and now to your hollow cheeks.

and because of the constant radiating pain, it became increasingly difficult for you to eat proper meals, leading for you to loose an unhealthy amount of weight. yachi was the first one to notice the sudden weight loss and the constant state of indifference. she knew there was something wrong, but she was too afraid to ask you. eventually, she asked if you were depressed one day and somehow you couldn’t bring yourself to say no.

afte leaving the restrooms, you were surprised to see taukishima waiting outside the doors and you were immediately trapped. the harsh glare staring down at you and his more than worried voice eventually led you to finally confessing what was wrong with you. and for the first time in your life, you’ve never seen the middle blocker so worried and caring. that his usually harsh demeanor and signature teasing remarks were softened because the thought of losing you scared him deeply. besides yamaguchi and yachi, you were the closest friend he had and he would hate to lose one his friends.

he would often ask you, “are you considering the surgery?” to which you wouldn’t know the answer to and that you were still waiting for the rare chance kageyama could’ve like you back.

it surprised you the sudden look of disappointment that etched across his bespectacled face.

during practice or during games where you suddenly get coughing attacks whenever you were around kageyama and talking to him, it was tsukishima who would immediately pull you away from the others and take care of you. he was the one to help you clean you after yourself and wipe your tears. eventually, the rest of the school believed you two were a couple.

however, there was the day were the pain was too insufferable. you had hanahaki for six months at this point where the disease would get into the most dangerous stages that one day you called tsukishima up one and finally made the decision.

“i’m tired of waiting, kei.” you muttered harshly as your voice was getting more and more hoarse each day. it was getting worse. you two sat nonchalantly on some random playground swings. the sun was setting and the blond was carefully gazing at your eyes that was soaked in honey. “i’m getting the surgery this weekend and I want you to come and take care of me.”

“of course.”

it felt like everything was going to be okay when he said that.

you woke up to hush chattering, as if a a big group was in the room trying to speak softly, yet failing to do so.

“guys she’s awake!” a voice exclaimed. It sounded like hinata.

suddenly a whole herd of volleyball players came surrounding your bed, their expressions had looks of smiley relief melted upon their faces as they didn’t hesitate to bombard you with questions. the poor nurses could barely get past the towering high school kids as the thought of you being okay was more than enough to fuel their adrenaline.

“i’m glad you’re okay now, (y/n).” sugawara beamed at you.

“yeah!” cut in tanaka loudly, “i can’t bare to lose my favorite first year all because of a stupid crush!”

your eyes suddenly widen. the rush of fear and worry filled you as you looked at tsukoshima who was standing at the end of your hospital bed.

“i had to tell them, they were threatening me.” he scoffs lightly.

“we don’t know who your crush was though, so you’re okay!” added nishinoya who patted your shoulder gently.

daichi then cleared his throat, capturing the team’s attention. “we should probably go and let to the nurses take care of her. we have practice too.”

the room was suddenly filled with loud ‘yes, captains!’ as they all piled out of the room, leaving only kageyama to stray behind slightly. tsukishima looked at the you two briefly before closing the door. this was something that you and tobio had to discuss.

there was a feeling of soreness atop your chest, possibly from the stitch that ran down your center of your torso that was in the process of healing. tbe tall setter approached your bedside, scratching the back of his neck. usually whenever you looked at kageyama an itchy feeling would arise in your throat and your chest would feel tight, and yet the moment you laid eyes on him, you felt nothing.

“tsukishima told me what happened,” he starts. the initial fear of confrontation diminished into nothing but acceptance. you couldn’t hide your previous feeling forever. “you should’ve told me.”

you sighed, “i was going to... but then i started getting the symptoms and i knew that there was no point in telling you when you didn’t feel the same way.”

“but if you told me, maybe there was a chance i would’ve helped you get better.” the setter tried to state, only making you want to roll your eyes and scoff.

shaking your head, you pulled your hand out of his. “that’s not how it works, kageyama. your fake feelings would only make it worse and i don’t want to be with someone who’s dating me out of pity.”

“but i don’t pity you, i—”

“it doesn’t matter, now.” you shook your head and cut him off, “you don’t have to worry because the surgery removed my feelings for you permanently. you don’t have to feel guilty about it anymore.”

kageyama gulps, nodding as straighten his posture. “but i almost killed you.”

“i’m here now, aren’t i? i’m okay.”

the setter still couldn’t help but feel his chest tighten and his gut wrench. “are we still friends despite all this?”

you nod. “of course, that’s not even a question.”

before their conversation could continue, one of the nurses knocked upon the door and opened it slightly. “sorry to interrupt, but all visitors must leave now. the visiting time is up.”

“oh, alright.” the volleyball player swiftly bows and waves goodbye to you before leaving the hospital room.

he cleared his throat the moment he stepped into the hallway, all uncomfortable and itchy. quickly catching up with the rest of his teammates that waited for him at the entrance, he quickly grabbed a water cup from the waiting room and gulped down its contents immediately—yet the feeling didn’t stop.

“kageyama, hurry we need to get to practice.” hinata calls out to him.

drinking one last cup of water in the desperation to heal his scratchy throat, he threw the disposable cup aside.

“i’m coming!” yet his voice was far too hoarse to be heard.

general taglist: @yongboxerrr @tanakaslastbraincell @kellesvt @kitsunetea

#kageyama #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #kageyama angst #kageyama imagine #kageyama scenarios #kageyama oneshot

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