#But that just goes to show you that what's really important is that you HAD FUN making it!

[noosayog]

004 logical

✧ wc: 2.5k

✧ warnings/content: oikawa toru x reader, no gendered pronouns used but lease lmk if I missed any! sfw, angst to fluff, another breaking up making up fic, long distance relationship

✧ GUTS masterlist, regular masterlist

divider from @/cafekitsune

“I don’t think this is working out.” 

When Oikawa hears those words, marred by phone static, he drops the remote from his left hand and his fork from his right. 

“Baby,” he says cautiously, disoriented. “It’s just a few more days.” 

There’s a moment of silence. Oikawa picks up the phone and presses it to his ear. 

“It’s not just that,” you say quietly. “How much longer are we going to do this – not seeing each other, missing calls, postponing flights? Even when we’re talking, we’re not fully focused on each other.” 

“That’s not true,” he immediately protests. 

“Yes, it is. Were you not just watching a game and eating right before this?” 

“That doesn’t mean I’m not fully focused on you.” 

“Yes, Toru. It does.” 

He has so much to say, yet none of it seems to come out. Nothing seems appropriate. 

You sigh again. “Just… stay, Toru. Stay there. You don’t have to fly back to Japan for me. I know volleyball’s important for you.” 

When he says nothing, you go on. “But I hate the way this makes me feel. Like I’m asking you to give up what you love to fly across the globe just to see me for a few days.”

“You’re not. I want to-” 

“Toru.” 

His mouth clamps shut. 

“Last time you came back to Japan, you missed a last-minute practice match with that coach you’ve been wanting to work with. Last time I came to you, I spent 2 of the 4 days I was there alone because you had another last minute volleyball thing. Even when we invest the time to see each other, we’re not really… there.” 

Oikawa knows; he knows. 

“So let’s just… not.” 

He knows, but that doesn’t mean he wants to… not. 

“Just hold on a couple more days, okay?” he asks, trying his hardest not to beg and whimper. “Just a couple of days, and I’ll be back in Japan and we can talk, figure something out.” 

“Toru…” 

“Please, wait for me.” 

“I don’t know if I have that in me anymore.” 

The coldness of your words seize his chest. 

Hearing nothing more from him, you sign off with finality, “Good bye, Toru.”

And the line cuts off. 

–

Today is Friday, the beginning of the 3-day long exchange scrimmages with the visiting Brazilian and Chilean pro teams. Duffle bag tossed on the floor by his feet, Oikawa flops on the couch, downing the remainder of his protein shake. The bright screen of his laptop stares back at him, email confirmation of his flight change there to reprimand him, remind him. 

Your Flight AE344 to Haneda International Airport for Thursday, February 8th has been canceled. 

You’re booked for Flight AE267 to Haneda International Airport for Monday, February 12th! See you soon! 

After you had hung up, he gave you a call back. You didn’t answer. He tried again an hour later, then 2, then 12. He had listened to the line ring, for exactly 20 seconds, 8 rings, before banishing him to your unset-up voicemail. 

Shutting the laptop screen, he picks up his duffle and is out the door. After all, if he didn’t show up to the scrimmage, what would this have all been for? 

–

Friday night arrives, and despite how tired he is, physically from all the exercise and mentally from all the socialization with the visiting players, you wander through his mind. He supposes this is hardly surprising, given you’ve always been his place of rest, regardless of the physical distance, sheer kilometers between the two of you. 

Almost afraid to look, he checks his phone and immense disappointment and an increasingly familiar emptiness fill his chest when he sees nothing from you. 

He tries your phone again. It rings, rings, and rings and there’s no reward, your voice waiting at the other end.

He showers, eats a quick dinner, and meal preps for Saturday’s scrimmage. Busying himself works momentarily, but at 9PM, his phone alarm goes off, reminding him that it’s time to call you. For the past year, his routine has been talking on the phone with you every night at 9PM. No matter where he is, at a bar with teammates, at dinner with friends, or late night practice, he always takes at least 10 minutes to talk to you. 

When the two of you first established this, the agreed upon time was 10PM for him, 10AM for you. The two of you used to compete to see who could call who first. The first night, you called the exact second the clock struck 10. So the next night, Oikawa called at 9:59. Then the following night, you called at 9:58. And it went on until the two of you begrudgingly came to a truce that you’d alternate nights. 

And tonight is your night. 

Five minutes after 9, Oikawa knows the call isn’t coming. 

–

Late Friday night – or technically early Saturday morning – Oikawa lays awake in bed wondering how the hell it all went down the way it did. It hasn’t even been a full year since the two of you started to do long-distance. And he’s still confused. He’s confused because he thought the two of you were doing the best you could be. He’s confused because he’s never even thought about the possibility of not being with you. 

He twists over to lay on his side, facing his phone screen, open at your contact. His thumbs hover over your name for the nth time that night, only for him to flop back on his back, turning now to the other side, your side. It hits him then that he can’t even remember the feeling of you in that bed, the last time you kissed. If he had known that would be the last time, he would've savored it all the more. He’d burn the memory into his nerves, just so he could remember the feeling. Volleyball was all muscle memory; he never thought he’d need to commit you as well. 

Before he knows it, morning arrives. He starts to get ready. 

He brushes his teeth, packs his gym bag, and starts to eat breakfast. 

His legs shake, knees bouncing up and down in a nervous tick that hasn’t shown itself since high school. His laptop screen is up again, the flight ticket once again flashing bright. 

It’s a reminder. Now he knows that when it’s not reciprocal, the distance between the two of you is so much more than 18,000 kilometers and 12 hours. There’s no phone line, no facetime to shorten that distance, even if just by perception. 

Then, it’s a striking thought: a realization that postponing a plane ride those few days could cost him a lifetime.

He dials your number again. 

It rings, and rings, and rings. 

“... Hello?” 

“You picked up,” he hears himself say. 

“Sorry I missed yesterday, Toru.” He knows what you’re referring to without you saying it. “And I’m sorry I hung up… like that.” 

There’s a lot to say, but he can’t do it like this. So he asks, “will you wait for me to come home?” 

“Toru…” your voice breaks with the syllables of his name. He hears the reluctance in your tone. 

“If you want to break up, if you truly want to stop being with me,” it takes monumental effort for Oikawa to even speak of such an event. “Then say it to me in person. I have to know.” 

You’re silent in response. He’s glad you aren’t refusing, saying that the flight, the cost, the time isn’t worth itt. He’s glad that you agree it’s still a worthwhile conversation to have in person. He’s glad you haven’t given up. 

“Wait for me, okay? Please.” 

It takes a few simple clicks and a significant chunk of his savings to do what he does next. 

– 

For the entirety of the flight to Haneda International, Oikawa’s knees bounce, colliding uncomfortably with the seat in front of him. Even with what little affirmation you gave him by simply picking up his call, it brings him little comfort as there’s absolutely nothing he could do for the next 28 hours but sit tight. 

When the plane lands safely in Tokyo, local time of 9PM Sunday, Oikawa charms his way into getting off the plane first. He flashes a weak smile at all the people still in their seats of the plane, before rushing off with only his carry-on in tow. There’s no time to wait for a bus, so he shoves his way to the front of the taxi line, reciting your address as if it hadn’t been over 4 months since he’s been there. 

Every passing moment does little to ease his nerves, exacerbated even up until the moment he arrives at your door. The seconds pass in loud silence, the hollow sound of his knocking ringing in his ears. 

All the white noise fades, though, when the door opens and reveals you. No matter that your eyes are red and swollen, no matter that you’re wearing one of his old ratty Seijoh sweaters, no matter that the two of you are supposed to be breaking up.

“Toru,” you breathe. Oikawa forgets you’re supposed to sound like this, not the distorted, muffled imitation of your voice he hears through the phone too often. Yet another addition to his growing list of realizations. 

“What are you doing here?” 

He doesn’t know where it comes from, but a single heave of a laughter bursts from his chest. “I told you I wanted to see you, didn’t I?” 

“But… your flight wasn’t supposed to arrive until Wednesday.” You’re cautious and he hates that. He wants you to be uncaring of the emotions you show around him, to jump into his arms and forgive him. He wants it back. 

“I changed my flight.” 

“But volleyball…” 

“That’s the thing,” he starts. “I think that’s probably one of the things I never made clear to you.” 

You look at him, confused. 

“Can I come in?” 

It stings when you instinctively fold your arms over your chest protectively, eyes briefly leaving him to look at the ground. 

 “Will you let me in?” he tries again. 

You look back up at him, moving to the side to let him in. 

When the door clicks shut behind him, the first thing Oikawa does is wrap you up in his embrace. His arms engulf you. He forces his hold to be gentle, on the chance that you push away. You don’t, so he holds on tighter and tighter, until you squeak from the pressure. He thinks he mumbles an apology, but he’s not really sure because all he registers is your arms coming up to grab his sweater. 

It’s not enough. 

You let him just hold you, for how long, he doesn’t know, until you finally squeak out his name. He reluctantly pulls away and starts talking, as if he wants to get the talking part over as fast as possible so he can pull you right back in again. 

“The thing I wanted to tell you,” he continues from before. “There’s no comparison – between you and volleyball, I mean.” 

“Toru, you know that’s not true.” 

Yes, it is,” he insists. “I’ve never seen volleyball as something that takes away from time that belongs to you. Every time you come to see me, or I go to see you, or when I push a flight, I’ve always seen that as just a… postponement of our time together, never that it would take away from it.” 

“Toru…” you push further away. 

“But, I think I get it now. I get that phone calls, video calls, text messages can’t be a substitute. I know because I almost forgot how your voice sounds outside of a phone and because I can’t accept us breaking up through a screen. And even more so because I can’t live off of the memory of how you feel.” 

When your gaze softens, he knows he got it right. It only took all this time for him to understand what you meant when you said things weren’t working; it was never about a postponed flight. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get it.” 

Your palm comes up to cup his face. Your thumb brushes a wet spot on his cheek. “Oh, Toru. I would never make you compare, I thought you knew that.” 

“I know,” he says. I know. And he does. 

“Sometimes, I just need to know you miss me as much as I miss you. I know you love volleyball,” 

“I love you,” he interrupts. 

“I know you love volleyball,” you continue. “And I would never want you to feel like you had to give any of it up for me. I just need to know that you feel what I feel too.” 

His hands at your waist squeeze, like he’s reassuring you that he does. 

“I know that you won’t be playing in Argentina forever. I was prepared to deal with long-distance for as long as it takes for you to be ready to come home. But-” 

He shakes his head like he doesn’t need you to say it. 

“No, let me say this. But, sometimes it felt like you were settling for how we were. Then… when you postponed the flight, I guess I was just bummed because I was so excited to see you. But you acted like it wasn’t a big deal.” 

Yeah, he did, didn’t he. 

“It felt like you would be just fine substituting me for the sport.” 

“Yeah,” he agrees. 

There’s so much to explain and he’s afraid it would take too long. He needs to tell you that’s not how he feels and that it’s not true at all. And perhaps he’s become self-aware of his ability to grow numb to things like homesickness and he tried to apply that to you too so that he wouldn’t be crippled by the sheer magnitude of how much he truly missed – misses – you. And how appalled he was when he realized he was associating you with memories and nostalgia, as if you were a had-been and not a still-is. 

But you seem to understand because your hands are still gentle on his face and your gaze is affectionate. 

“Stop crying, you baby.” 

“I’m not crying!” he denies. 

“If you don’t stop crying, I won’t kiss you,” you tease. 

He clams up, biting on his lips to stop the hiccups. His eyes roll upwards to the ceiling, willing any tears to stop overflowing. 

You laugh lightly at the sight, voice still clearly weak from your crying marathon. 

He has a lot to apologize for, doesn’t he.

You lean upwards for a kiss. It catches him off guard to this day, how much you can express in your gentle affection. It’s another thing he can’t feel through a screen. 

With each kiss you press on his lips, he counts the things he has to apologize for, but more importantly he counts the things he needs to tell you he misses and loves about you when he inevitably puts the 18,000 kilometers between the two of you again. 

And he’ll do it. Every day. Until the day he finally comes home.

#noos writes #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fluff #hq x reader #hq fluff #hq x y/n #hq imagines #hq angst #oikawa toru #oikawa fluff #oikawa angst #oikawa x y/n #oikawa tōru #oikawa toru x y/n #oikawa toru x you #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa toru angst #oikawa toru fluff

[tac-the-unseen]

Simon 'Ghost' Riley Sfw alphabet

CW: mentions of torture and trauma

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Simon is a man who was tortured for 2 years straight. He finds it extremely hard to be affectionate, especially when his torturers try and find the important people to him so they can kill them.

He trys but just know that the lack of affection doesn't mean their isn't any affection. Simon loves you and that's why he's distant. That's the way he shows you he cares.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

If you weren't in 141 he would have never tolerated you. He wouldn't even have acknowledged you.

While in the task force everyone became trauma bonded to each other. It's messy but it worked for everyone.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He loves cuddling but he can't admit it. He craves physical affection but is terrified by it. It's hard for him to allow himself to be touched, but when he does He goes feral over kisses and hugs.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

The military has conditioned this man to be clean and tidy, He is never messy or unkepted. He has no problem cleaning your space as well as his own, and he can cook but prefer not too.

With the settling down part...he will have a really hard time integrating back into society. His a war criminal and coming back home after being in constant life or death is not easy. You might have to convince him so go to a military/veteran's shelter to try and make the transition better.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It's a cold ending. If he has to end the relationship he will distant himself emotionally before doing so. It's honestly brutal...

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

If he gets to the point where he's thinking about marriage he's as good as yours. But to get to that point it's a long and slow ride. It will take a few years to get him to actually propose but he'll be think about it for all these years.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He's extremely gentle with you, just not at frist. It will take a few months but eventually he'll treat you like a newborn kitten rather then a cold blooded soldier.

Emotionally he'll try his best to let you in but you have to be gentle with him frist. If you let him in first he'll let you in.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He loves them, he just won't say it. Simon is always touching you in some way. Holding hands, Arm around you, brushing up against you. He loves it. He turns it down in public but you bet your ass he's as close as he can be.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Takes him a good long while to say it but will show you he cares instead. He gives you gifts and does acts of service. You now have many little wood carvings and knives.

But When he does finally come around to saying the L word he can't stop saying it. Everything will start or end with an 'I love you'.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Very jealous guy. He has a fear of you leaving him or you having to leaving him. He will do anything he can to not let that happen, so he tends to be a bit grumpy around other guys.

When walking around town or at a bar he stands right behind you you whole time. He's you big scary dog and he loves it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are actually pretty soft and gentle yet extremely passionate. He takes his time and savors the kiss.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He's decent around children but he's not a fan. He can handle them for a few hours but not a full day.

He doesn't want kids of his own but if you do you might be able to convince him. He just prefer peace and quiet and your company

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He usually wakes up first and just watches you sleep. When you guys frist started sleeping in the same bed he just watched you all night.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

His anxiety was through the roof. Not only from the gentle Intimacy but from his deep fear that someone wants to hurt you to hurt him. Eventually he'll start sleeping soundly with you in his arms.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He'll open up about small things after a few months but the deeper stuff will come by later in the relationship.

It will take him months to take off his mask infront of you. And even then it's no fully, it's just up to his nose and nothing more. This is him testing the waters. It's best of you Don't say any good and especially bad. Say nothing and eventually you'll see his whole face.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He's one of the most patient lovers. He might act mad but he actually isn't. If he knows you're trying and learning he'll be 1000x more patient.

If you need time opening up about something just take your time. He can wait as long as you need. But I'll have you note that this Patience is only for you. No one else gets to make mistakes around him.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers everything. Every detail, every date, every interest, every story, every step. He's an extremely observant man, he has to be. Simon makes notes of everything you do and say.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It's actually really simple. You were watching some T.V show while he laid on your stomach. You just ran your fingers through his hair gently in silence. It was very calm and peace and he had no bad thoughts or weights holding him down. He just laid on you and wondered if this is what his life could be. If everything went smoothly from that point on, would it also be like this? Would it always be so peaceful? He's never felt more connected to you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He's extremely protective, He physically and emotionally can't not be. Be tortured for two year straight and then some is terrifying. And knowing these people are targeting his support system/loved ones makes him 100x more aggressive about safety. Anytime your in public he feels like he has to come with you. Even for small walks or getting the mail. He feels like the moment he looks away you'll be taken.

He forces himself to accompany you when outside. It's fills him with pride when others start to associate you with him. Like I said, scary dog privileges.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He definitely makes an effort when it comes to date or gifts. Out of 10 I'd say 7/10. He wants you to know he loves you without doing anything to big or to out there.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He's aggressively protective of you. This has caused him to get into fights that could have been avoided. He won't let people approach you unless you told him able someone's presents before hand.

Simon forces himself to go without food for days at a time. And yes, it is a habit. He doesn't even know he's starving himself until he finally eats again.

Locks himself away when have a PTSD episode. He gets very violent and tends to hurt people. He has only ever once hit you and it was during an episode you did even know he was having. Ever since he refuses to allow you near him when he's suffering. And because his last therapist was murdered he refuses to see another one ever again.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not at all. He makes sure his mask is on and that's about it. If his mask is off however....it's best not to say anything.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes, absolutely. He hates not knowing if you're okay or in danger. If and when he or you has to leave for work he has a panic attack. He can't handle not being there to protect or aid you.

It even worse when you're apart for long periods of time. His reaction doesn't stop at mentality. He develops aches and tremors and they get more aggressive the longer you're away. His body can't handle the level of distress he's in that he shuts down.

When you guys come back together he doesn't let go of you. Touching, smelling, seeing, and hearing you is healing. He is firm on the belief that you are the best medicine.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

When he started get serious with you Simon went out and bought some nice expensive cologne. He made sure he knew what kind of smells you like and went off of that. When he found one he liked and thought you would too he bought it. When he wore it he didn't say anything. But when you comment on it he internally freaks out.

If you liked it he went out and bought two more. If you didn't he went back to the drawing board. This is his way of letting you silently know he loves you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Some one clingy. Wanting to spend time with him is one thing, Never giving him space is another. And this is extremely important in the early stages of your relationship.

If he feels like he can't step away from you he'll run instead.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

...Simon rarly sleeps...and I mean it! Two year of torture is a long time. Sleeping is vulnerable, the ability to sleep and feel safe is a wild concept to him. He won't sleep until his body forcefully put him to sleep. This will take awhile as the PTSD Extends this limit.

If you insist he'll go to bed with you, but he'll be up all night just watching over you. If he can't feel safe he'll make sure you are.

#simon ghost riley #ghost cod #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #sfw alphabet #cod mw2 #cod #mw2

[jakes3resin]

im an advocate for bucky's curls™!! they're a very important character. it does mean i think about what if when they met and for the rest of the canon bucky has a military cut (or anything short) and that's how gale has known him. those curls don't make an appearance until they're in the camp and bucky's hair grows. gale already is "spacing out" when he sees bucky's longer hair but it's still matted with blood and dirt so he doesn't really get to see it properly. he doesn't get the full force of it until after the war when bucky has let it grow out more since and no dirt and grime can hide them. gale feels like he might lose his mind because he didn't think bucky could be any more prettier than he is but he nearly loses it when bucky mentions he might get a cut soon.

Anon you're so right about his curls being an important character. In my opinion and heart, they are the Main Character, and even thinking about them not being there hurts me. But I do like this scenario you've brought up!

Bucky with a shorter hairstyle during the war would be interesting. Maybe he lost a bet the first few days of training where he had to cut them short and decided he liked the shorter cut since he doesn't have time to take care of his curls during flight school. Gale never sees his curls at full power thus develops his obsession with them late.

Imagining the boys making it through the war without Bucky's Emotional Support Curls because Bucky just cuts them when he thinks they've grown out too much, its wild. But it compels me.

I think he'd look like the picture below.

(I'm adding this photo because I found it when I went on a wild internet journey this morning looking for pics of Callum. Enjoy)

After the war, Bucky decides to grow his hair out again, maybe to reclaim his Old Self, maybe because now he has time to take care of them which in turn is calming for him. The routine of haircare would potentially be very therapeutic for him I think. Maybe he even decides to grow them out to cover the scars on the back of his head. The reasons are endless, but very importantly, Gale does not factor into them (outside of Bucky potentially being into Gale pulling his hair during sex) because Gale's never expressed an interest in Bucky's hair. This will soon change.

His hair once grown out would look closer to these pictures.

Gale barely notices how Bucky's hair has been growing longer. It's one of those you see it every single day and don't really catalog the minute changes until it hits you like a frying pan to the head. The pair are both still trying to transition back into civilian life, and he's too focused on Bucky's health and his own nightmares to notice Bucky's hair, which he's never had to focus on before. Outside of battling for bathroom space now that Bucky's hair products take up most of the counter space (there are so many products, I lived with a curly haired girl for a few years trust me) Gale is oblivious to what is about to happen to him.

A while after he starts growing out his hair, Bucky goes back home to Wisconsin to see his mother for a few weeks. His hair grows more before the pair are reunited, so he definitely resembles the above photos. Bucky shows back up on their doorstep with a cheerful "Honey, I'm home!" that goes unanswered because Gale is frozen solid staring at him. Eyes wide, mouth open in shock, Gale experiences his first real look at The Curls.

Gale gets hit full force with the reality of Bucky's Curls, something he'd been vaguely aware of but didn't think about, and he wonders why he was denied such a sight until this moment.

With the sun setting just behind Bucky's frame, his curls are lit up. The rays showing off the highlights in his chestnut curls. The curls aren't tight and springy but loose and wavey. Bucky runs a hand through them, and Gale nearly falls to his knees.

It's official. Gale is enamoured. He's obsessed. He's running his hand over the soft curls (and pulling them just so), and Bucky melts into the touch. Gale will take any opportunity to touch Bucky's hair now. Walking by Bucky asleep on the couch? Perfect opportunity to run a gentle hand over his curls. A curl refuses to stay put and falls onto Bucky's face while he's reading? Gale's there to tuck it back into the style Bucky prefers. Bucky hurts his shoulder on accident and can't really lift his arm while it heals? Gale will gladly help Bucky wash his hair whenever he wants.

After a while, Bucky's hair grows too long, nearly hitting his shoulders, and he's starting to remember why he kept his hair cut short all those years. Maybe he offhandedly mentions over breakfast how he's gonna cut his hair, cut his curls off. Maybe he asks Gale to help him. Maybe he even mentions shaving them all off.

Gale would have preferred Bucky to shoot him.

Listen, those Curls are the 2nd most important thing in his life at this point (the first being Bucky himself of course). Gale won't admit to how much he relies on them to calm down on his bad days, but he will admit that he doesn't want them cut short, lost to him once more after he's just seen them. Gale begs Bucky not to, desperate to save Bucky's hair.

So the pair compromise. Gale will help Bucky cut his hair to whatever length he wants. He just won't help Bucky shave his hair off. Gale gets to run his hands through Bucky's hair, and Bucky gets to make Gale smile. A win-win if you ask them!

Bucky's Curls- keeping your flyboys sane since 1940!

#mota #masters of the air #asks #buck x bucky #john bucky egan #gale buck cleven #clegan #anon i recommend my curls fic if you haven't already read it #every fic i write includes me waxing poetic about bucky's curls but 'run my fingers through your hair' is my baby

[ash-says]

Hush Hush Honey:

A guide on how to regulate oversharing and balancing the conversation flow.

Each one of us has at least been in a situation where we accidentally ended up spilling more than we should. We do recognise the patterns but are unable to control ourselves. That's why your girl Ash-says is here to say a lot about it.

1) Find the why

What are you trying to achieve by sharing that piece of information? Drama? Attention? Get it off your chest? Is it important to inform them? Is it valuable to them?etc.

First tackle the why. Before you go in to reveal something ask yourself if it goes with the conversation flow and if yes is it really important to share it.

2) Are you a celebrity?

No like why? Who is interested in your life so much? Are those people paparazzi to broadcast your current events and bring you fame? No right. So shut up.

3) Who puts their dirty laundry on display?

When you overshare you are basically putting all your secrets, stuff that you do or did on blatant exposure. People are going to judge you. That's the very nature. So breathe and keep it inside.

4) Try to listen more

Train yourself into listening more than speaking especially in group settings or around people that you don't know much about. Gossip is real. You don't want to be the next tea time sensation.

5) Alternatives for talkative people:

Now I know you might be thinking can't say this can't say that then how the hell am I going to bond with people or what should I converse about?

I have developed a solution for you. It's Ash verified because I myself have been using it unknowingly for around 7 years of my life.

Never open your mouth for passing judgements, expressing your opinions on things that do not relate to you, your dirty laundry, secrets, family issues, relationship issues, your sex life, your goals and aspirations, your daily routine, your political standpoint,etc you get where I am going right?

Instead speak about the experiences you had while travelling somewhere, some goofy stuff that happened to you, your harmless vice for example: I am clumsy so I have a lot of incidents that occur due to it which can be told in a funny way. It adds a nuance to my perfectionist image plus helps people warm up to me. Movie shows, songs, etc here also there's a catch if you relate to a show/song/ piece of literature strongly never reveal it. The smart ones will understand the inner workings of your mind.

Never let them know your next move.

If nothing of this then goof around being nonsense. Do little hand gestures, funny faces if you are bored but never overshare.

6) Be mindful of interruption

Practise practise practise. Literally that's the only way. Try not to interrupt people while speaking. There's no roundabout way. It is what it is.

7) Be comfortable in silence

You have to be okay with the conversation dying down. Running your mouth dry will only result in one sided convo. It's more useless and harmful than the one mentioned before.

8) Know your limits

Fix in your brain what you can share and what you can't. Stick to it. Even over your dead body.

9) Be genuinely interested in people

Ask yourself are you asking questions to really get to know the other person or just looking for a chance to talk about yourself? Dethrone yourself first and then interact with others.

10) Put out stuff that you are over with

Always remember what you say can and will be used against you. Drill it and from next time when you speak be mindful that every word can stand against you. Do you have the capacity to handle the consequences? Yes then go ahead. No, then stop live streaming.

Bonus point: Be as private as possible on social media. People don't need to know what you are doing nowadays. Privacy is power. What they don't know they can't ruin.

Strategically put things out. I am not saying be inactive. In Rome you live like the Romans. Do it smartly.

That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.

#girlblogging #glow up #it girl #self care #that girl #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #self love #becoming that girl #dark feminine energy #becoming her #wellness #advice #motivation #self development #self help #self improvement #dream girl aesthetic #dream girl #it girl aesthetic #pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #coquette #ash-says #femme fatale vibes #femme fatale #feminine energy #level up journey #level up tips #thewizardliz #wonyoungism

[lovedianagrey]

hello!!do you have skk fic recs?

Introduction

Yes, I do. I’m sorry it took so long to give you a reply, but I wanted to give you a comprehensive list and was busy preparing for my last day in high school, and then I got a job 12 hours later, and then I traveled to New York for a couple Broadway workshops. But now that today’s been dealt with, I have my wonderful notes.

So here’s the gist of it. I have three focused reviews on some of my favorite Soukoku fanfics ever, but I felt like copy pasting it would kill you a little, so I’m going to use a simplified format that echoes what I once did for two other ships years ago.

Canon Space

Here I compiled four fanfics that take place in main canon spaces (so not BEAST). While I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers. Furthermore, the styles these characters are written in, and the way they are portrayed, vary from writer to writer. Some are more “canon” based than others, but they all carry the essence of this ship. And if they don’t in your eyes, then you’re just reading a great novel with Japanese names. 

i'll bleed out for you by StarshipDancer

Synopsis: After getting impaled together, basically dying in each others arms in a joint mission with the Port Mafia and the ADA, and getting brought back by Yosano, this shattered Soukoku is asked to go into hiding. In this time, things seem to start healing. But the impending call asking them to return to their positions in their groups haunts them, and when it arrives, things fall apart all over again.  

Tags: Caretaking, PTSD, A Singularly Important Rat Is Present, Canon-Divergence, Post-Port Mafia Days, Love Confession, Pet Co-Parenting, Angst

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: Rattata is the best character. You cannot negate AbsoluteNegation’s incredible skill. I remember reading this fanfic between the airport and my flight, and when chapter four ended, I had to board the plane, with my shaking hands and quiet sniffles. Please read this one.

If you kiss me (I might let it happen) by encsiimomo

Synopsis: Chuuya’s done watching this. Dazai’s literally dating a new girl every week. He dates based on who asks him first that Monday, he breaks up with them that Sunday, and it goes on again. And again. And again. It’s driving him insane. So he does the only thing he can think of to earn himself a break – He asks to date him for that week’s cycle. Dazai’s surprised. Chuuya’s exhausted. But once the sparks fly, they’re unable to be put out. 

Tags: Canon Divergent & Kind of Canon Compliant, Dark Era, Smut, Mutual Pining, Light Angst, Silly

Word Count: 52,127

Notes: I loved this fic because it encapsulates a pretty carefree tone that isn’t associated with Dark Era. It’s pretty smutty, but it’s really lovely to read them. It’s not a reflection of what these characters canonically represent. And while it definitely stays as a loose interpretation of these characters, it keeps the essence that makes this ship so sharp and wonderful. I loved Oda’s appearances too, they made me laugh.

A Doll's House by Abyss_In_WonderLand_likes_sexy_cannibals

Summary: After coming to contact with an ability-powered artifact, Dazai and Chuuya are forced to work together to overcome the ability’s trials, and face the bubbling sentiments they keep trying so hard to ignore. 

Tags: Teamwork, Ability Loss, Poisoning, Denial of Feelings, Confessions, Light Angst

Word Count: 45,288

Notes: While definitely not a character study, this fic goes and shows how wonderfully warm a Double Black fanfic can be. You’ll giggle in some moments, be entranced in others, and it’s just fun. This is for those that aren’t scouring for the angst. This was the first fic that sunk me into a skk fanfiction hunt all throughout the winter holidays.

On Deathless Feet by AbsoluteNegation

Synopsis: Chuuya always knows the monster can get out of control, but it doesn’t get any less surprising when Arahabaki powers through him. For a while though, it’d been comforting to know Dazai could always reign it in, make it go quiet. Because he did when they recently met, when they rose through the ranks, and at the brink of their end. But after years of disconnection, and the consistent waves of betrayal, is Chuuya capable of trusting him? And is Dazai capable of letting him?

Tags: Caretaking, Controlling Arahabaki, Port Mafia, Post-Port Mafia, Mistrust, Non-Linear Storytelling

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: This story is just breathtaking. The writing style is incredibly vast and detailed, which may seem scary when described, but it flows so easily when you read it. The story takes place in an event where Chuuya loses control of Arahabaki in a  Post-Port Mafia Soukoku time. But because of its non-linear style, one gets to understand their past experiences with each other in a manner that contextualizes and weighs in the events of their reunion. 

Fanon Spaces

Before I begin, I’d like to note that there are so many AUs in this fandom, that I had to really search for the canon ones in my list. So understand that if you want more of these, I DEFINITELY have more of these. Also, again, while I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers. 

I’ll crown your inner child with laurel by acuteguwu

Synopsis: Chuuya has worked in a Michelin Star restaurant. So he really has no place in losing this cooking competition. But a sudden newcomer, who seemingly has no previous experience in the field, seems to want to tell him his bechamel sauce isn’t ready. And really, who does he think he is?

Tags: Chef Competition AU, Character Study, Slow Burn, Chuuya Is A Blunt Perfectionist, Dazai Is A Culinary Genius

Words: 197,090

Notes: I read this in two days, and I finished by waking up at four in the morning to finish up before going to a drag queen brunch. So really, my experience was incredible. You get to really know these characters, who are very themselves, and it’s lovely. Please read, it’s so worth it.

music for our funeral by itotypes

Synopsis: Dazai has always been lost on what exactly he wants to be. Chuuya knows exactly what he wants. Working with such incredible differences proves to be a difficult challenge, ending in at least a little bit of violence multiple times, but they make it work. Because their music sounds beautiful. Because they’re better geniuses beside the other. And maybe because once it started, they can’t seem to process this journey can ever end.

Tags: No Smut, Angst, 70s, Musicians!AU, Drug Abuse, References to Child Neglect, Lowkey Pretty Violent, Emotional Cheating (w/ Main Ship)

Word Count: 67,723

Notes: Look, there’s a whole genre of Soukoku music AUs. And I could tell you to read the famous “still, still, still” by icedlightroast, or the even more famous “I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio” by ElectricSplatter. Which really, they’re both INCREDIBLE fics that I think you should read (IWSYNTTR literally inspired me to try and write music, which led me to do an album for a school project, so I’m not kidding when I say they’re life changing), but I also know that these are famous fanfics that you can find in almost any big skk reader thread. So disregarding the following recommendation, I try to give you fanfics I found through a long scrolling process. 

Everything or Nothing by Wellthathappened (Cataclysmic_Calamity)

Synopsis: Chuuya has never been able to experience much. So when he meets Dazai on the night of orientation, he lets himself explore. And as lips sink into his, and he lets himself be free, Dazai lets him know how unimportant he is by walking away when kids walk in on them. Cut to a month later, they’re paired as roommates, Chuuya’s gotten what Dazai insists is a douchey boyfriend, and Dazai Osamu has to recognize it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a night’s fluke. He really, definitely isn’t straight.

Tags: College AU, Pinning, Chronic Illness, Creation & References Of Illegal Panini Rings,  Confessions, Miscommunication, Past Sexual Abuse, Bad Parenting, Cute Dates, Dazai’s Really Rich

Word Count: 264,937

Notes: I recognize I just put in my notes that there’s no major point in recommending these big fanfics, but I just read this because the person that introduced me into the fandom in the first place really loves this one. And it’s incredible. Worth every moment. I laughed a lot, and cried a lot. It’s those pieces of work that resound with you that keep you engaged. This one builds off of that.

Inseparable by milwritescausewhynot

Synopsis: Dazai and Chuuya have been joined to the hip since day one. But they’re not best friends. Or enemies. Or, worst of all, lovers. They are, however, great at pranking each other. Until one goes close to dangerous, and things begin getting complicated afterwards. 

Tags: High School AU, Pranks, Light Angst, Denial, Pining, Confessions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Crazy Kouyou, Childhood Friends, No Smut

Word Count: 107,804

Notes: I hadn’t saved this one in my compilation, but I couldn’t not find it. This fic is so charming, and I most enjoy how the characters move through the story. Definitely recommend.

In Conclusion

Again, I’m sorry for such a late response. I’m literally falling asleep right now but I felt too guilty leaving this for tomorrow morning. If you have any questions, notes, or looking for something specific for your reading, we cna talk about it. 

Anyways, thanks for asking! Hope you love them, and sorry for any mistakes

#soukoku fanfiction #skk #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #bsd #bungou stray dogs #fanfic recommendations #skk fanfiction #double black #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai

[wolfscarr]

Helluva Broken Narrative and the most useless character..

Disclaimer: Not saying you can't enjoy this show folks. Enjoy it all you want, this is just a rant about the lack of a cohesive narrative!

I really was completely dead on posting, but I just can't get this out of my head.

I feel people should be acknowledging this far more than it has been, this is extremely important. This goes beyond just episode pacing, this goes beyond the characters....this is something that without it? There is no real show, which is....

Helluva Boss has a BROKEN NARRATIVE.

Some fans wanna claim it has this 'complex' writing and I'm sitting here going like "really? Where?"

It doesn't sorry and know why? Because Season 2 of this show, basically broke the narrative that Season 1 was building.

These past posts of mine, will show you why the narrative is broken.

Now can they continue on with the story they are telling? Yes of course they can, but it won't fix the fact that it's not coherent to Season 1, that it's not needed.

Wanna know who the most useless character in the show is now? If you guessed Stolas, you're correct! In the meaning of making Stolas this guy who did nothing wrong and who's sad....they took away his character purpose.

Stolas has ZERO purpose being within the show now, given how things have played out.

But you might say

"Well he's needed to give Blitz the Crystal and end the deal!"

Except....no, he wasn't. They could have just delivered the crystal to I.M.P. They have Blitz’ number, just call him, get a servant to send it etc.

Remembering my posts above, where you can have I.M.P. killing in Hell as a Season 1 thing?

Maybe they're just getting started with their company? So Blitz wants to supplement with killing in Hell by killing those up top so he goes to see about getting an Asmodean Crystal?

See let's backtrack here folks, the episode Oops it was mainly about Blitz and Fizz reconciling right? Which they do at the end of the episode. Now follow this, if we take into account the above, Blitz' dialogue could be.

Blitz: "Fizz look, I know what happened to you was horrible. I don't...expect you to forgive me, but I'm struggling to support myself, my daughter and my employees with my company. I....if you can just think on it, perhaps I could get one of those Asmodean Crystals?"

The scene ends and Fizz goes back to Ozzie, while along the way he's thinking about Blitz' words and how he was saved by him where in the end, Fizz agrees to send Blitz a Crystal because he's earned it from saving his very life.

Or here's another scenario, Blitz has a Crystal from the start(which he took from Verosika when they were dating), but as things get far more hectic up on Earth with more dangers. The Crystal ends up shattering after I.M.P. gets back to Hell after a job, thus Blitz goes to actually confront his past and reconcile with Fizz in order to try and get a new one.

See how easy it is now, to just remove Stolas entirely? They took away a character's purpose of being in the show....that to me, is completely disappointing. Characters, especially those that are suppose to be IMPORTANT, should have a purpose...without that? You may as well just delete them entirely.

Blitz could have had 2 whole Seasons with relating to the past and those that he hurt, that he TRULY hurt(Verosika, Fizz and Barbie) that would actually matter to him as a character. But instead, all these characters are instead shoved to the wayside, for a character who doesn't matter anymore and only actually matters because the writing is FORCING him to matter.

You can write the narrative in so many different ways with what Season 2 gives us, that completely destroys what Season 1 told us. Are we now expected to just....IGNORE AN ENTIRE SEASON?

They can do this whole "sad Stolas is sad and Blitz is hurt and Stolas is going to give him a crystal." Thing all the way to 'try' and fix things, but it'll fix nothing....because the deal between them was retroactively made completely pointless.

The show will continue obviously, but in the back of the minds....it will be a broken narrative and Season 1 is basically buried 6 feet under. As a writer, this really annoys me....because they had how long between Seasons to nail this down? How long have we all waited just in-between episodes? This shouldn't have happened.

Yes, is storytelling hard? Obviously, none of my stories are perfect....but at least the narrative is coherent from beginning to end.

Anyway...I just...had to get this out of my head, because it was really frustrating and I want it to be acknowledged more. The narrative is important folks, if it's broken...that's not a good thing.

I'm still watching this show....if only because I'm knee deep in it now and I still somewhat actually like the characters, but what I don't like...is this broken narrative that is still hanging around with a pointless character that doesn't matter to the show anymore.

Narratives, coherent narratives are important to a story, without it? You don't have characters and you don't have a story.

#helluva boss #helluva critique #helluva boss critical #helluva critical #helluva boss criticism #vivziepop critical #Narratives are the MOST IMPORTANT THING! #helluva boss season 2 #helluva boss season two #helluva boss blitz #anti stolas

[sortasirius]

Another day, another episode I’ll have to put myself through again because I was too stressed out and I know I missed a ton.

But in the meantime, here are my buddie centric thoughts, I’ll do another post on just Buck:

This is the first time that we’ve really had Buck in a life-threatening situation in front of the whole team that they could rush in to immediately. The crew wasn’t there during the tsunami and they couldn’t just run in when he got crushed by the truck because of the bomber, so to see the reaction from all of them about this horrible freak accident, it was something else.

We’ve seen Buck lose it twice when Eddie nearly died (buried alive and shot) and that desperation that he showed is mirrored in a way with Eddie. Screaming Buck’s name, the parallel of Eddie trying to drag him back onto the ladder, the same way Buck dragged Eddie under the rig when he was shot. Two sides of the same coin.

Eddie trying to take over compressions from Chim before Bobby has to actually rip him away and tell him he’s driving.

“We’ll do our best.”

“Do better.”

The way Eddie is clearly about to lose it when they wheel Buck away, held up by the rest of the crew.

And then…Chris. Chris, who insists on seeing Buck, “I have to talk to him.” Yet another parallel of Eddie having to talk to Chris about what happened to Buck the way Buck had to talk to Chris about what happened to Eddie. How they both lose it when they talk about losing the other.

And you can see, when they’re in the room and Chris is asking questions, how Eddie is at a distance, and shakes his head at once point when Chris can’t see, never directly looking at Buck the entire time he’s in the room.

The most insane thing about this is that it’s the only time we see Eddie in Buck’s hospital room when he’s unconscious. We see everyone else in there repeatedly, but not Eddie. Why? They’re best friends, surely he would want to be there for him.

But the thing is, I don’t think he can. Looking at the scene with Chris, how he refuses to get near Buck’s bed, how he won’t even look directly at him, Ryan Guzman says it all without saying a word.

He can’t be in there, he can’t look at Buck because looking at him like that, with the tubes and the ECMO, it makes it real that he could die. That Eddie could lose him.

Plus, Eddie is a paramedic, he knows what an induced coma and ECMO mean, even more so when you take into account that Chim literally tells him when Shannon is dying that, if they intubate her, she likely won’t wake up. He’s reliving that all over again, grappling with the idea that Buck will never wake up, that he’ll never speak to him again.

I truly think the only reason he went in that room was because Chris demanded it. And it’s not because he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to, it’s because he can’t stand to think that he might lose him.

It’s so fascinating how similar their reactions are, but are marked by their distinct personalities. Buck goes to pieces, screaming and desperate, while Eddie shuts in on himself, so that not even Chris can really get through to him. Eddie trying to pull Buck up while Buck tried to dig Eddie up. Eddie keeps his distance when Buck wakes up, where Buck was there the moment Ana called.

This feels important, to finally have a similar moment for Eddie when we’ve had it twice for Buck, the idea of losing one another, reckoning with that potential grief, a window into what would happen to one of the other died. Truly haunting acting choices from Ryan, it made me see more than ever that Buck is truly number two in Eddie’s life, only behind Christopher.

#buddie #911 #liveblog #my meta #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz

[paper-cuts-and-fresh-bruises]

So I thought I'd make a post on this as it's been a minute since the season 3 trailer dropped and what I'll be talking about was something that was making the rounds and I thought I'd say something when the craze had died down; but amongst the various topics of conversation, weirdly Colin's virginity seems to have come up, along with the general nature of his sexual experience. So be warned I'm going to be referring to spoilers at points from what's been posted by others on here and on Reddit, I'll leave a gap between this paragraph and the next so there you go, read at your own discretion. (note: post may be long, whoops)

So even if you've remained away from spoilers and seen only the trailer and other official promo stuff, it's clear that Colin has returned from his travel's more experienced this time in more ways than one, namely it is clear that he has been deflowered (kind of hate this term but I couldn't think of something else), and beyond that he's then also become particularly experienced in the bedroom and in the ways of charming women and such. I've seen some people say that they wished he'd still been a virgin more so because they would've found the dynamic of both him and Penelope being virgins something interesting to see as a shift from dynamics of previous seasons, and whilst I don't necessarily hate that, what's disturbed me is the way other people have had such a visceral reaction to Colin having any involvement with any other woman ever and getting ridiculously angry; which is funny when really they should be seen as interesting points of character development. In episode 1 of season 3 he returns home obviously looking as he does now and there's the whole sequence of the dropped glove that he picks up and kisses the hand of the lady in question it belongs to, Colin has returned feeling he has a solid sense of himself but also thinks himself untethered to the necessity of connection in order to engage in sex or even just flirtation, but this is important as the season progresses. In episode 2 from what I've read, he visits a brothel in which he pays for the services of a woman who works there, everything goes fine, I don't know exactly how much we will see of that encounter but it'll probably be enough; also to note, the source of this information stated very clearly that this interaction and a following one in episode 4 do not bear significance or even compare on what we will get with Polin in terms of an array of content that this season delivers.

Speaking of episode 4, reportedly he goes again but this time he's unable to engage as well as he did before and without a doubt this is due to Penelope. Additionally, this is an interesting look at sex in terms of it just being for gratification, and sex in terms of connection, a means to an end versus an act of love. In previous seasons, the depiction of brothels/sex work establishments doesn't really bear the same importance plot wise (side note I am not nor should you go shaming these people in that line of work as it's one that deserved respect like any other, it is simply functioning as a part of the conversation here), unlike here where I think that it's really important as it show's Colin's inner need for connection in order for it to work, because when he was away he probably had no issues getting his kicks because he convinced himself this felt right and back home would be no different, but that only lasts briefly and why you may ask? because the friend who he'd left and returned to transforms from a woman only in name to a woman in fully realised form, from a wallflower into an Emerald, and this kicks into gear the real maturity he needed to gain, realising from not just her appearance but the other qualities she possesses and the ways in which he is both attached and attracted to her, that she is who he has truly loved this whole time, he just needed to get out of his own head. It should also be pointed out that in the show, Colin has always drifted with finding himself let alone sorting out his feelings, so it is highly likely whilst he was technically violating polite society rules with his interactions with Penelope and this should've fired something off in his brain, that it caused him instead to think this is simply something that someone does with a friend they value highly versus being a by-product of his underlying feelings that he has with no one else. And as such, whereas Penelope was the one pining before, now he will be the one doing so and he's no longer on the pedestal he was previously so they'll be on even ground to start something real.

On a quick note, this is a friends to lovers ship but I want to make it clear, especially with men and women dynamics, that not all friends are going to have this trajectory whether we're talking about characters or irl people; friends to lovers tropes should be understood as two people who's connection starts with friendship and there's always a sense it could be something more whether or not both parties are consciously aware and it's to do with how they explore that, and is NOT in any way the case that these friends can somehow never be just friends with a strong connection, case and point Penelope and Morgan from Criminal Minds, close friends and nothing more and they're great.

Something also to say is that the obsession with Colin's sexual experience is just as bad as they way women are treated for their sexual experience, it creates this weird value and attributes a weird rating system of respect to something that's not our business, as well as fetishizing what people do or don't do with their bodies and making assumptions about their activities, so you know maybe we should agree to not do that. Beyond that, how about we actually watch what happens instead of spiralling out of control about this stuff. Also, if I see anyone who aren't fans of this ship to begin with, just leave, you're wasting energy on something that you literally don't need to be, do what the rest of us do and exit out and invest your time in what you actually enjoy instead of festering hate.

#bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #polin #penelope x colin #colin x penelope

[coquelicoq]

crashes ur board meeting n drags u out by the collar but its fine bc youre the one always saying shit like "im looking for people i can use" ok lol. get used idiot

#just tracing like. the sequence of events that had to take place in order for this to come to pass #1. natori and his shiki are skulking around homura stalking ban. possibly it's just his shiki and natori is elsewhere. #either way 2. natsume shows up and natori learns about it either bc he witnesses it or a shiki comes to tell him #3. natori gets in his little richard scarry apple car (this is my mental image for some reason) & fucking. BOOKS IT to the matoba compound #4. goes inside. presumably matoba lackeys try to stop him bc their boss is in an important meeting but somehow he gets past them #(possibilities here are v fun to think about. maybe natori does this all the time and they're used to it. maybe he's never done it before #but they're all on orders to let natori in if he ever shows up. maybe natori convinces them he's supposed to be IN the meeting #which is great because it sounds like some important clan thing so what is he in the clan now??) #5. interrupts matoba's meeting like 'i need you' and matoba's like 'bye everyone whatever this is is more important' #6. they get in natori's comical apple car (again the apple car is not canon don't worry about it) #& natori drives like a bat out of hell back to homura. (SOURCE: matoba is so scarred he refuses natori's offer for a ride later) #i wonder what they talk about on the way there? because they don't talk about why natori is stalking ban until much later #so they must be busy talking about something else. but what?? #that or they're both too distracted by all the near-death experiences from natori's crazed driving lol #natsume's book of friends #natsume yuujinchou #homura cats arc #horrible exorcists #my posts #sidenote i feel like that page at the end where both matoba and sensei refuse natori's offers of a ride is really funny because #sensei's reason is that it will take too long. but sensei did you know natori drives like a speed demon? think it thru... #also like. how long did it take him to decide to involve matoba? was that his backup plan all along? #also it's pretty lucky that he found matoba at all considering he could be anywhere...the matoba have like 15 houses... #he has matoba's schedule memorized lol #natori sparkling to the assorted clan members in the meeting: sorry ladies and gentlemen i just need to borrow this~ #*throws matoba over his shoulder and fireman-carries him to the parking lot*

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[m00ngbin]

i lied. i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on. im going to explain to you how one weird little kid changed the lives of tons of people for the better and at the end of of the series everyone he's helped and changed comes back to help him and return the favor. Let me explain to you the parallels between each of their arcs with the last few episodes. Let me tell you about how his brother finally realizes that it was all him. Every part of that kid is him and they all need to learn to live with it and accept and love him and help him not repress himself because that's what caused the problem in the

first place. Let me rant about how his friend/one-sided rival uses what he said when they first met back to him. (about not using powers to hurt other people) Let me scream about how the friend's first fight with him and last fight are direct parallels. Let me scream about how he shows how much that boy has changed him by opting to protect civilians instead of himself. I'm going to tell you about how after the former terrorist he saved finally realizes that instead of sacrificing himself to save the city he should survive and be there for his son and try to make amends and continue to be better. Let me talk about how even though the people he works out with KNOW that really they're no match for him and they don't really know what's going on, they still try to help him anyways. Because they're friends. That's what friends do and they love him. They just want to support him in every way they can. Let me scream and cry about how his mentor, the man he's known the longest, the man he trusts the most in the world finally admits that he lied to him and he's been lying to him and he finally tells the truth and that's exactly what that boy needs. He needed the truth. It shocked him back to reality, and everyone he's talked to up until that point, INCLUDING HIMSELF, shows him that everyone loves him, and they all accept him, the only problem is that he's unable to accept himself. He's been refusing to forgive himself since he was a little kid for something he didn't even mean to do, and he's been repressing and hiding important parts of himself because he's afraid. And he doesn't need to be afraid because he has people that are there for him and they all love him. LET ME THROW THE BIGGEST FIT YOUVE EVER SEEN WHILE I EXPLAIN TO YOU JUST HOW IMPORTANT THAT TALK BETWEEN HIM AND THE PART OF HIMSELF HES BEEN TRYINF TO REPRESS IS AND HOW MUCH IT CHANGED HIM. HE FINALLY ACCEPTS HIMSELF FOR WHO HE IS AND HES FINALLY ABLE TO FORGIVE HIMSELF AND MOVE ON AND GROW

#can you tell that this show actually means the world to me #and let me just say that while i understand that she wouldn't have been able to do anything i wish Tome had been there #shes also super important to the story and i wish that she'd been there too #AND LET ME ALSO SO HOW UTTERLY UPSET I AM THAT SERIZAWA DIDNT SAY ANYTHING UNTIL PROBABLY AFTERWARDS #SERIZAWA WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON TO TRULY UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SHIGEO HAD GONE THROUGH #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE MOGAMI INCIDENT #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE AND IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT THEY NEVER HAD A MOMENT #anyways i get why it didnt happen but i wish they had gotten to have a little moment together #anyways special shoutout to the seventh divison guys i didnt mention that were working at the store #sorry to sakurai and koyama i would have absolutely mentioned you too but my hand is getting tired and you werent there for very long #but i will say something now #i love how seriously they take protecting the store. even if they werent able to save it from destruction #it really goes to show how they took what reigen said to heart and tried as hard as possible to live normal average lives #they were willing to protect that store at the cost of their own safety just because they were so thankful for the chance to be normal #so sick over everyone in this show #sorry guys #had to get this out #AND I COULD WRITE MORE #but my hand is getting tired again

[bonefall]

Your art is so gorgeous i wish i was good with color palettes like that *cries in forest cat corner

Pfff! The way I pick color is super easy and lazy, you can learn to do it too anon I promise.

Just don't "max out" the color you're picking. Like, if you're picking red, don't go ALLL the way to the bright corner. Go a little midway over the palette and pick a color there to start with.

Also, when you're shading, don't shade with a darker version of the main color. That's just another version of 'shading with black.' Try going around the color wheel to shade instead-- for example, if you're going to shade yellow, use orange. If you're going to shade orange, use purple.

And coloring the lineart is ridiculously overpowered. You can watch a sketch go from 0 to 100 by adjusting the color of the lines.

Just play around with it! Have fun! My art suddenly got a lot more fun and bright when I stopped being sooo concerned about perfect colors and clean lines. Use lots of layers and try lots of stuff, and don't spend too long fixing one thing that bothers you. Move onto the parts that spark joy.

#I used to do clean lines on all of my art but I stopped because I hated outlining #So I simply do not do clean lines anymore LMAO #I am flattered that you think my art is gorgeous though because I feel like at this point I'm just Doing Stuff #I stopped putting like... EFFORT into my drawings because it was sucking the fun out so I'm glad it's liked in spite of that #But that just goes to show you that what's really important is that you HAD FUN making it! #Suffering is not a virtue; it doesn't shine like gold flecks on the canvas #Just make designs for characters you'd like to see and use colors you like looking at #art #Bone Babble #I do sit on some neat art tutorials though for when I do want to portray something #And I'm surrounded by really cool artists I happily pester for art advice #You'll get great with color palettes anon! If you'd like to be! Just practice and play around!

[running-in-the-dark]

today was exhausting - my friend was here for about 7 hours and I just. oh man I love her and all but it's just a lot sometimes. it's probably for the best that we only meet up like 2-4 times a year now (gives me enough time to forget how draining it is so I look forward to it, and recover afterwards)

I don't talk to anyone but my husband most days, and he doesn't really talk. so that's maybe 15 minutes total of talking. and today it was literally. 7 hours. no breaks except when we were eating (but no even then someone was always talking).

first of all ouch, it hurts (my voice is very hoarse now). and also. it's so so so draining. like. we really have nothing in common at this point. but she's my oldest friend and I do love her so it's tolerable... but just barely. these days there's way too much diet/food/weight loss talk, and also she seems to be getting into alternative medicine which I cannot fucking stand (it's one topic where I can't pretend or be nice about it either). lots and lots of very preachy vegan stuff too (I don't have any problems with it, I admire people who can do it, but fuck dude you know I eat meat and that I've said many times that I *can't* go vegan (I would starve. there's not enough foods that would be left. seriously.) and it feels pretty shitty to keep going on about it every damn time. I'm not sitting there trying to convince her that she should really be an atheist or something, because I know what her thoughts are about that and I respect it.

when she hangs out with her other friends a lot it's mostly just talking about all the issues that come from that (they fucking suck). I don't know, it kind of feels like I'm her therapist. when I talk about something I'm interested in she doesn't ask many questions and it kind of sucks. like, dude I don't care about your plants either, but I'm interested because you care, so. maybe try that too. would be nice!

#like I know alllll about her other friends and their shitty behaviour #and just. it's exhausting #it's also exhausting telling her over and over again that she is too nice. yes being nice is good and all but she lets people walk all over #her and afterwards she goes 'oh well I guess it was probably just because [they had a bad day/other thing that happened/I said the wrong #thing]'. I do that too! but it's just EVERYTHING. always. even when someone is CLEARLY being shitty to her. like her shitty friends. she #will still excuse their behaviour #it just makes me sad man. #buuut #like come on maybe let me talk about my stupid tv show for 5 minutes and try to seem a little interested? I know it's irrelevant I know no #one cares but damn you really can't pretend?? I've mentioned it before a couple times on the phone and she's always just vaguely like 'ah #that sounds interesting' WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT IT'S ABOUT. but she doesn't ask what it's about so. I just stop #talking about it and we change topics. #like. yeah I know it's a bit weird that I'm in my 30s and that is one of the most important things in my life rn but. that's how I am. it's #always been that way. and my other friends care (or at least pretend to because they care about *me*) #so it feels pretty shitty! #like if I can look at 15 pictures of how big her fucking plants and herbs are getting. idk maybe ask one question about my show. #or like. even things like our new apartment and stuff. she listened and everything. but it's just. there's no interest there really. just #live 'oh that's nice :)' and we move on to the next topic again #idk man it makes me a bit sad (and I know it's ironic because I say she needs to acknowledge that people don't treat her well but. I mean I #do know this isn't great. and I limit my communication with her to a level that doesn't feel too exhausting. so. idk I feel like it's #different or whatever. buut really I just don't have many friends and I get lonely and it's better to listen to someone talk about #themselves all the time than not talking at all) #okay I'm gonna shut up now #and anyway I'm just exhausted and it's all very fresh rn and I'm incredibly tired so I'm very grumpy. usually it's really not that bad. #I just needed to vent I guess #okay bye and goodnight and I will stop talking now I swear #personal

[navree]

i think the issue is that, because the dance of the dragons would be seen as a pretty black and white issue for any modern audience (is there anyone who reads fire and blood and ISN’T on team blacks), and because the showrunners wanted to make this more of a muddied water situation, they have put a lot more effort into characterizing and fleshing out “the queen’s party” than they’ve done with “the party of the princess”. we learn a lot more about and get a lot more character work for people like alicent and aemond and helaena and even aegon, far more than we ever do about jace or luke or joffrey or baela or rhaena or even rhaenys, and don’t get me started on how just fucking confusing daemon is half the time, and what we know about people like corlys is pretty one note. rhaenyra’s the only one of that side who’s getting anything fleshed out, as opposed to literally everyone else opposing her where we get things like otto’s ambition warring with his love of family, while everyone on her side of the board is ridiculously flattened out to one or two character traits, or basically being furniture, where we get things like me being genuinely confused over which of laena’s twins is betrothed to who and how does she even feel about it, who knows. 

and it’s ending up in this bizarre situation (for me at least), where intellectually i’m on the side of the blacks because they’re just in the logical and moral right of the situation that’s going to create the dance, the matter of the succession, but i’m so much more emotionally invested in the greens and in their desires and growths and struggles. 

#personal #house of the dragon #i do think it's a genuine issue that i can tell you a whole lot more about helaena than i can tell you about jace or luke #god i know more about what motivates criston than about what motivates literally rhaenys #(don't even get me started on daemon there's a lot of choices they've made for him that i do not understand the point of) #(i just think one of the writers has it in for him or really hated the seasons with the eleventh doctor on doctor who & got his revenge) #but like rhaenyra is the only one on team blacks that i'm invested in as a CHARACTER #(and little aegon but that's just cuz i'm ready for whoever plays him during A Certain Scene to act his little heart out) #like i get fleshing out the greens i do and i'm actually quite fine with it #as i've said show alicent is probably one of my favorite characters #but this appears to be coming at the expense of doing anything about anyone who isn't rhaenyra on team blacks #like i had to find out that one of them twins (i can't remember which one because again no characterization) was mad #about aemond claiming vhagar because SHE wanted to claim vhagar through a stan defending that on twitter #shouldn't i be figuring that shit out from the WRITING #like this is literally a writing fail because shit goes sideways for the blacks a lot more than it does for the greens #and i'm supposed to care when these people start dying and right now i don't #this entire episode is about whether or not corlys is going to kick it and i feel no emotion at the prospect whatsoever #and i think it's doubly important because one of the most egregious acts done in the entirety of the dance #(the incident with blood and cheese and what they did to helaena and her children) #is inflicted onto the greens by the blacks and it happens pretty early on and i'm definitely going to feel a lot more about THAT #than about aemond literally jumpstarting the conflict by killing lucerys for no reason #(tho i imagine even if they continue on this track i'm still gonna have thoughts about A Certain Scene entirely cuz of little aegon) #anyway point is i think fleshing out the greens is good but doing so at the expense of fleshing out any of the blacks beyond rhaenyra #is a serious writing flaw that is going to start biting them in the ass real soon

[oh2e]

I’m so sick of queer stories that aren’t about the queer character but about how everyone else reacts to them. It’s boring! It’s old! Queer people exist news flash!

#we exist and live our lives that don’t revolve around you #it’s time we got to see that #my own post #i know that stories where that happen exist and I know part of my problem is that I read a decent amount of YA #but this goes for films too. there’s so many that are just the people around the queer person reacting to learning #that they’re queer and the person themself spends all their time and energy placating everyone else #that just because they’re queer doesn’t make them different from before and being queer is fine and normal #i know those stories are important and I know they’re especially important when trying to show outsiders that really we’re all people #but GOD i’m sick of them #the main character is always so boring too. they’re gay person clone 1 who is normal and yes at this point it really #does feel like I’m complaining about love simon which is definitely one of that type of story #i think its because I’ve had a taste of what else lies out there that I don’t need to be preached at by cis gay character 1 that gay is oka #cool. is trans okay too? bi? ace? polyam? kink? out of the box unmarketable queer? are we okay too? #and those stories never tackle that. never touch on it. gay cis characters and gender confirming binary trans people only #(i think this may have been a little bit inspired by transamerica which i did enjoy but it did very much feel like trans person preaching #at a cis audience though it wasn't too bad and while its also a bit dated it was okay. there was a scene with a trans social group #and all the people there were actually trans - including a trans man - which i liked)

[dredshirtroberts]

in reference to this post, which I agree with almost entirely, I just wanted to...touch on the gender identity as it relates to how you are now.

Shale is insinuated to be nonbinary (agender) because of her status as a golem and if she were not a golem she would not be nonbinary. And while generally yeah that's not amazing representation for folks outside of the binary/"norm", I do find it actually pretty...important to me? out of nowhere?

Well, perhaps not out of "nowhere". There's a very specific place this is coming from.

I'm trans of gender. I have come out publicly to family and friends as a man who uses he/him pronouns. Previously I have identified as genderfluid and even before and between those two points I identified as cis.

Gender has always been difficult and thanks to Recent Revelations, now I know why - I've got 10 mushrooms piloting the flesh gundam that is this broken body (that is to say, I believe that my experiences align enough with OSDD-1b/DID diagnostic criteria enough that I would describe myself as part of a system). We're filled with the gender fluids! Take your pick we've got e v e r y t h i n g.

Who knows if we still would have identified collectively as genderfluid, or if we'd have been trans at all without the specific circumstances that causes OSDD-1b/DID. Maybe we would have turned out exactly as mom and dad wanted us: the perfect little christian girl who never stepped out of line. Maybe we would have turned out the same: a queer disaster with two joyfriends who live very far away (currently).

We are who we are, our sexuality and genders are both defined by our existence thanks to great trauma we suffered decades ago. And so stories where it's not based on "born this way" or "chose to become" are very important to me. Because we were neither. We did not choose to be queer, but neither can we be sure we were born like this. We don't know what we could have been.

If we were to all merge into one singular personality within this body, who knows how we might identify. If we were to erase the trauma we have endured who knows what that might look like.

It doesn't matter though. Because what happened happened, and we don't want to become one singular person because we work best as a team but not a unit. And Shale cannot be returned to her initial form. And our genders are still valid.

I don't like the push back against poor representation - there are going to be people upset with every representation that gets shown. We know this from seeing fandoms which were once the pinnacle of representation getting thrown under the bus simply because time has passed and there's more out there now. But people are represented by imperfect/flawed representation. Because people are many and varied and we contain multitudes within us - some more literally than others, admittedly. We are flawed. And so are our stories.

Let us have our representation too, as more and more 'good' representation is visible to the wider public.

#whelp that still was too long #but it's about half the length it would have been if i'd have kept to the original train of thought i had and then deleted #becuase it wasn't what i'd really wanted to say #and this is...closer #the original post was very good and i very much agree with it #i just also don't like labeling representation that isn't actively attacking anyone as 'bad' #there is no bad representation - what you're thinking of is mocking #'bad' representation is just representation for someone who you don't personally identify with despite sharing label names with you #maybe you don't identify exactly the same way your 'representation' in a show does #but that doesn't make it bad #it doesn't make it unhelpful #bioware is...hamfisted about queer rep and it's a flaw #frankly their treatment of native/indigenous treatments has been far more abhorrent #frankly their queer rep is actually pretty good considering what it's up against #is it perfect? no #but will it help? maybe #and that's about all we can hope for right now #as time passes things will look less and less 'good' as far as representation goes in old media #but it was important at the time #and still is for those who connect with the representation as it was in the original