#I didn’t understand how anyone could easily make decisions | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

circethesinner · 1 year

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inevitable ⟐ xavier thorpe

pairing: xavier thorpe x reader oneshot (second person pov - she/her pronouns used for reader - occasional use of Y/N)

warning(s) : mild language, best friends to lovers, mutual pining

word count: 6.4k

⭑•⊱✩masterlist✩⊰•⭑

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summary: you and xavier had been best friends since you were 7, and nothing could change that - that is until you start to develop a new power that makes you question everything you think (or rather, what everyone else thinks)

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Normies usually strayed away from adopting outcast kids. They just didn’t know how to appropriately handle their slightly more complex needs.

Unfortunately for your adopted mothers, the realisation that you, their child, possessed psychic abilities hit at around the 5-year mark when they walked into your nursery and discovered that all of your bears were floating around the room, performing beautiful and elaborate ariel tricks. At first, they jumped to the conclusion that they were being haunted. In some ways, they wished that were the case. Ghosts could be exorcised, but a child who could undo a childproof lock (or five) to get into the cabinet where the candy was kept within mere seconds wasn’t easily fixed with a call to the local priest.

So, as soon as they could, they would ship you off to outcast summer camps and school programs. It's not that they didn’t love you; they just didn’t know how to help you manoeuvre your powers.

Naturally, you resented this for a lot of your childhood. You couldn’t understand why your adopted siblings got all the time with your moms while you were sent away. Fortunately, as you matured, you grew to understand it and accept that what they were doing was for your benefit as much as theirs. Your moms were doing this to help you learn more about your powers from others who shared them, not punish you for having them.

Of course, understanding and accepting the decisions didn’t exactly make the feeling of abandonment go away, but it was enough to subdue and push it down for some therapist in 20 years to pull out and deal with.

There were some plus sides to being sent away so often, one of which being the best friend you had made on day one of the very first outcast summer camp you had been sent to when you were 7 years old.

You and Xavier Thorpe got along like a log cabin on fire, which is coincidentally what almost got the pair of you kicked out of that summer camp on your first week.

Xavier was sent away by his father while he was on tour. Touring the world would be far too stressful for a child; at least, that was the excuse that was given whenever anyone questioned where Xavier was.

Both of you being sent to Nevermore Academy was inevitable. Under the promise of not burning it down, together, you had fixed up the old shed so Xavier could use it as an art studio. You had occupied one of the corners where the two of you had set up a desk where you could work on your writing.

Together, you spent most of your free time tucked away like that, talking about anything and everything as you individually let your artistic creativity fill your individual pages. You would only stop talking when you demanded silence so you could focus, which would last about 10 minutes before the two of you got distracted and started talking about something else.

You were about 6 minutes into one of these silent periods when Xavier slowly stepped back from his canvas and inched towards your corner. Engrossed in your work, you didn’t notice he was in front of you until he spoke up.

“You’ve got some paint on your nose,” He pointed out. You closed your laptop instinctively; you had never liked sharing your writing with anyone, not even Xavier.

You looked up at him in confusion as you hadn’t touched any of the paint scattered around the studio that day. “Really?” You asked, crossing your eyes to try and look at your nose. “Are you sure? I don’t feel-” You were cut off by Xavier swiping his thumb over your nose and smearing some paint on it.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” He laughed, trying to step back as you made a grab for his arm. You just about caught his sleeve and used it as leverage to pull him down and wipe your nose clean with it.

“You are such an ass!” You groaned, trying to hide the laughter that threatened to bubble up. It was the third time that week he’d gotten you with that trick.

“Speaking of ass,” Xavier grabbed his own chair to sit opposite you at your desk.

“I have a great one?” You grinned, trying to use a tissue to wipe the remaining paint residue from your face. “Thank you, I know!” You froze when you could have sworn you had heard Xavier respond with a quiet ‘true’ but shook it off as your mind playing tricks as you hadn’t actually seen his lips move.

“That is not what I was going to say,” Xavier playfully rolled his eyes. “Speaking of ass, have you done Mr Cooper’s homework?”

“Are you suggesting Mr Cooper is an ass, or that he has a great ass? I mean, I’ve never looked myself, but I respect the-” You yelped out as your leg received a kick from under the desk. You pouted dramatically as he shook his head at you, but you cast your mind back to your chemistry class the day before. You hadn’t been paying much attention as it was the final class on a Friday, and you were just excited to sleep past 6am the following day. “Did he assign homework?”

“I’ll take that as a no; you haven’t done it,” Xavier grabbed his rucksack, which you had been using as a footrest. “Though I already knew that because I picked up your sheet when you left it on the desk.” He pulled the worksheet out and waved it in front of your face.

“This is such bullshit!” You groaned as you plucked it from his grip and scanned the questions. “He never assigns homework!”

“I think the words you’re looking for are ‘Thank you, Xavier! You are such a good friend!’” Xavier teased, doing his best impression of you… His best was awful.

“A good friend would have just done the assignment for me,” You sighed dramatically, putting the sheet down on the desk and pushing it back towards him.

“You mean the way I do half of your other assignments for you?” He pointed out. You had mastered one another's handwriting years ago and often took turns in doing one another’s assignments depending on who was better at the subject or who could bribe the other better.

“Yeah, half of them!” You fired back. “That only makes you half of a good friend, an okay friend, if you will!” Your friendship was built on this sort of playful teasing.

“Well, as an okay friend, do you want to work on this together after dinner?” He asked, checking the time on his phone. “Which started like 5 minutes ago.”

“Shit!” You exclaimed, shooting up from your chair and shoving your laptop in your bag. “Come on! Get your butt in gear, or all the good food will be gone!” You frantically urged, walking around the desk to tug at Xavier’s arm to get him up and going.

“I’m coming!” He laughed back, getting up intentionally slowly. “Just give me a minute or two to pack up all my stuff. Save me a tray!” With a distressed groan that echoed through the shed, you let go of his arm and walked off, mumbling something along the lines of ‘snooze, you lose’ as you went. Xavier laughed and checked the time again one last time before he stuffed his phone back in his pocket, knowing that dinner wouldn’t actually be ready for another hour and preparing for the hellfire that you would rain down on him when you realised he’d tricked you again.

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Studying sucked. That was something you had acknowledged a long time ago. But studying while you had a bad case of hiccups was so much worse. Especially when the hiccups caused your powers to go absolutely wild; with each hiccup, the pen you were holding flew out of your hand and launched itself to a new corner of the room.

At first, Xavier thought it was an elaborate plot to get him to do your work again as revenge for the dinner incident. However, when your pen launched out of your hand and stabbed the door, he realised you weren’t joking around.

With a grunt of frustration, you got up to retrieve the pen once again, mumbling a ‘sorry’ to the door as you pulled it out from the wood.

“What did that poor door ever do to you to deserve such a vicious stabbing?” Xavier joked, trying to lighten up your tense mood.

“Don’t tell me you forgot about the time it smacked me on the ass on the way out!” You gave the door an accusatory glare. “Which it still hasn’t apologised for.”

“How could I forget?” He groaned, recalling the situation in great detail. He’d talked himself into a corner when he’d tried to defend the door by saying that your ass just got in the way and then couldn’t figure out if it would be more offensive to say that your butt was big or backtrack and say that it wasn’t big at all. In the end, he realised he was losing that conversation no matter what he said and just accepted the consequences. “You know, that is the second conversation today that has ended up on your ass.”

You couldn’t contain the laughter at the phrasing, which caused your hiccups to match the energy, and the pen flew from your hand and into the ceiling.

“Oooookay! I think that’s enough pen time for you, or I’m going to be accused of practising archery in my room again,” Xavier laughed nervously as you, still in fits of giggles, stumbled back over to the spare bed in his room that you had basically taken over as your own. It had your favourite blanket draped over it and some of your pillows from home.

“Your hiccups are just like you,” Xavier pointed out, jumping up to get the pen out of the ceiling before it caused any structural damage. He was tall, so it didn’t take much to reach it.

“Oh yeah?” You asked, your laughter finally starting to calm down. “How's that?”

“Violent and cute,” He shook his head with a smile, but you just froze, unsure if you had heard him right.

“What was that?” You asked.

“Violent,” He repeated, dropping the pen onto his desk.

“No, no,” You shook your head, questioning your own sanity a little. He didn’t have that teasing tone in his voice he usually did. “The second thing.”

“I only said one thing?” He looked at you in confusion. “Are you feeling okay?” As if on queue, you hiccuped again, and a pillow went flying across the room, narrowly avoiding hitting him in the face.

“Never better,” You mumbled, laying back on the bed. You really could have sworn you had heard him say that the hiccups and you, by extension, were cute. It was quieter than he usually spoke, but you could have sworn it in his voice.

Even though you joked around a lot, he wouldn’t lie to you about saying or not saying something if you asked. So maybe it had just been in your head? It was a weird thing for your head to make up.

“Are you staying here again tonight?” Xavier asked, snapping you out of your spiralling thoughts. “We can watch a movie and finish off those cookies from last night?”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” You smiled sheepishly, glancing over at the trash can by his desk to see the empty packet still there, evidence of your crime. “But I ate the rest of those cookies while you were asleep last night.”

“I know. I woke up and saw you at the end of my bed, hunched over like a little gremlin, shoving them into your mouth three at a time. I thought you were a sleep paralysis demon for a good few seconds. I wanted to record it, but you were like a wild animal, and I didn’t want to startle you by grabbing my phone,” A second pillow flew across the room and hit him in the face that time. Unlike the last, this one was intentionally flung at him. Laughing, he paid no mind to it and reached over the side of his bed and pulled something out from underneath. “I bought two packs and hid one from you- wait, are these open?”

“I may or may not have found those ones while you were in the shower,” You got up and flopped down onto his bed next to him, grabbing both of your pillows to lean on. “I didn’t eat them all, though! I won’t lie; I would have, but you came back before I could.” Rolling his eyes, Xavier reached under his pillow and pulled something else out.

“I bought the third pack,” He admitted, placing them down on the bed in between the two of you. “Hey, your hiccups are gone!” You were about to cheer when another hiccup bubbled up out of nowhere, sending the open pack of cookies flying everywhere.

“Well….” You looked around at the crumbs that scattered the once relatively clean room. “Shit.”

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You woke up groggily to your name being called out in a hushed whisper. When you opened your eyes, you realised it was still nighttime. Yawning, you pushed off the sheets you had been sleeping under and made your way over to Xavier’s bed.

It was a routine you knew all too well by that point. Part of you questioned why you even bothered sleeping in the spare bed in the first place. Almost every time you would sleep over in his room, you would fall asleep in the spare bed only to be woken up by Xavier after a couple of hours, usually because he’d had a nightmare. He didn’t ever want to talk about it, and you didn’t ask. He’d tell you about them when they were really bad, but he preferred to sketch them out.

Xavier was holding the covers up, and you crawled under them, bringing your arms to your chest using his arm as a pillow. He brought the covers down again over you both, and you closed your tired eyes once again.

That was how you usually slept in the same bed. You didn’t usually ‘cuddle’ when you slept like this. Your arms and legs always kept to themselves, with the exclusion of Xavier’s left arm, which you usually used as a pillow. However, this time, Xavier brought his spare arm over you and held you close to him. Instinctively, you moved one of your arms to wrap around him in return. It was a wordless sign to say that you were okay with this. You could have sworn you had heard a hum of contentment from him, but you passed it off as the start of a snore. Xavier always fell asleep fast, and his light snoring was comforting.

You chalked the change in behaviour up to a particularly bad dream and decided that you wouldn’t bring it up in the morning. Instead, you would just enjoy the added warmth for the night.

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“Enid, my sweet, your tag is sticking out,” You jogged ahead to catch up with Enid’s impossibly fast walking. “C’mere!” Enid stopped and took a step back so you could tuck the tag of her sweater back in.

“Thank you!” She cheered and held her arm out. “Walk and talk?” With a laugh, you linked arms with Enid and started walking together. “I’m so glad you’re here because I was supposed to be shopping with Yoko, but then Divina showed up, and I was totally third wheeling, so I left them to it.”

“Are they actually dating yet, or are they both too scared to make the first move?” You asked, causing Enid to laugh.

“They’re still dodging around the question,” She sighed playfully. “Reminds me of you and Xavier.”

“What?” You stopped, pulling Enid to a halt with you.

“I said they’re still dodging around the question,” She repeated.

“No, no,” You shook your head. “The other thing you said!”

“That was all I said?” Enid looked ask confused as you felt inside. “Are you feeling okay?” Instead of pushing things and questioning them further, you took a deep breath and shook it off. Enid was a terrible liar. You had probably just mistaken the wind for words or something.

“I’m fine. Everything is fine,” You smiled and shrugged. Together, you continued to walk.

“Did you have a fight with Xavier or something?” Enid asked. Glancing at her from the corner of your eye, you shook your head with a frown, wondering how she’d come to that conclusion. “He was pouting at breakfast today, and you’re here without him.” Realisation dawned on you, and you laughed.

“He wasn’t pouting!- No, actually, that’s a lie. He was pouting a little bit, but only because he felt sorry for himself,” You explained. “I mistook him for my alarm clock this morning and tried to hit the snooze button, which in this case happened to be his mouth, and now his lip is a bit swollen. I’m here to get an apology gift and some numbing gel.” You reached into your pocket and pulled out the numbing gel you had just picked up from the pharmacy and a bar of chocolate. You had technically bought 3 bars of chocolate, but you had already given in and eaten 2 of them, and the last one was on thin ice.

“How did he get into your room?” Enid asked. “If I remember correctly, which I know I do, your windows have enchanted locks on because he kept sneaking into your room last term.”

You snorted as you remembered how many times Xavier’s tall figure had been caught trying to climb through your window. Or, more accurately, how many times he had gotten stuck trying to climb through your window, and you had to call for help to get him unstuck.

“I was in his room,” You explained with a shrug. “He’s got a spare bed, and I love Yoko, but goddamn, does the girl snore like a chainsaw. Plus, she wakes up at 6am every morning and starts playing her ‘meditation’ music. I usually stay with him on the weekends because it's the only decent sleep I get! I swear I’ve told you all of this before?”

“The Yoko part you have definitely complained about to me on multiple occasions,” Enid confirmed. “But how am I only just learning that you have weekly sleepovers with your ‘best friend’.” She used her free hand to put air quotes around the last two words.

“Why are you saying it like that?” You asked. “He is my best friend? You know I love you, Wednesday, and Thing, but Xavier and I have been ride or die since we were seven. He earnt the best friend title way before I knew any of you.”

“Just admit you both like one another,” Enid groaned, causing you to stop walking again, halting her.

“What are you on about?” You interrogated. “We like one another as friends.”

“I said nothing!” Enid protested, her face easily portraying the confusion she felt. You were about to protest again, but Enid spoke before she could. “No, Y/N, I literally said nothing! Whatever you think you heard, it wasn’t me! Maybe your mind is telling you what you want it to hear?”

“Absolutely not! I heard you! It was your voice!” Your phone started ringing before the conversation could progress any further. You didn’t have to check the contact before answering it. You had set a personalised ringtone for him. “Xavi, I’m on my way back now, I swear! I have the gel and a-” You stopped yourself before you mentioned the chocolate. Truthfully, you knew it would never even get back to Nevermore. “I have the gel!” You repeated.

“I will start this movie without you and then spoil all of it,” He threatened playfully.

“Don’t you dare!” You gasped, but he’d already hung up. When you looked back up at Enid, expecting to continue the conversation you had been having, you recognised the look on her face as her signature ‘I’m telling everyone’ smile. “What?”

“Xavi?” She teased. “Really?” “Drop it, and I’ll split the chocolate with you,” You bargained, pulling the sweet snack out of your pocket again and waving it around. Enid simply responded by holding her arm out so you could carry on walking together and her other hand ready to receive her share of chocolate.

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“This show has gone to shit,” You groaned, sinking down into the sheets in disappointment.

“What?” Xavier pulled his head away from the screen to watch your movements instead. “You used to love it. It was all you’d talk about.”

“I did love it!” You agreed with a sigh. “But then they had to add all that forced romance in, and there are like 7 different love triangles that all interlock- it’s a pyramid scheme of love!”

“A pyramid scheme of love?” He laughed at your phrasing. “God, could you imagine the dm’s you’d get from people you’ve only spoken to once who had joined that?”

“Hey, girlboss! Long time no speak!” You put on your best bubbly voice as you spoke, replicating one of your moms’ friends who had been pulled into 8 different pyramid schemes. “Are you tired of settling down the old-fashioned way with one person? I was too! But insert a name of a multi-level marketing scheme here helped me take control of my love life!”

“Please never do that voice again,” Xavier pleaded through laughter.

“I think I gave myself a headache doing that,” You snorted, bringing your hand up to your head. It was a fruitless endeavour as you pulled them away again immediately. “Urgh, my hands are too warm. C’mere, you always have cold hands.” You grabbed one of his hands and held it up to your forehead, leaning against it.

“I always have cold hands?” Despite his verbal confusion, he didn’t protest about you using him as a cold pack. “Is that… a good thing?”

“On this occasion, yes,” You smiled contently, closing your eyes. “During the colder months, not so much.”

“If we held hands more, it would warm them up,” You almost didn’t catch his words.

“You wanna hold hands more?” You asked, confused. Admittedly, you already held hands probably more than most friends did, but that was because you had a tendency to get lost in crowds. It was hand-holding, or one of those leash backpacks parents used on their kids, but Xavier shut that down as soon as you jokingly suggested it.

“How did you-?” Xavier pulled his hand away from you with a frown. You pouted at the lack of contact and opened your eyes again. He paused to look at you, searching for an answer in your eyes, but he gave up as soon as he’d started and just shook his head. “Sorry, I didn’t think I said that out loud.”

“We can hold hands more,” You shrugged, smiling at him. “Come on, let's try and get a couple more episodes of this nauseating shitfest in before I have to go back to my own room.”

Xavier perked up at that, leaning over to press play on the next episode.

“I’m calling it now; there will be an unexpected kiss by the end of this episode,” You sighed, leaning your head on Xavier’s shoulder as your eyes settled back on the screen.

“If we’re placing bets, it’ll be between those two,” He added, pointing at the pairing on the screen. You really could have sworn you had heard him say ‘between us?’ just before the actual words left his lips. But you knew for a fact this time that he hadn’t, as the words slightly overlapped, and, as far as you knew, Xavier wasn’t secretly a talented ventriloquist. Though you supposed if you did know that, it wouldn’t be a secret.

Instead, you brushed it off as your tired mind playing tricks on you. Weird tricks for a weird mind.

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Four more days.

That’s how long it took you to realise what was going on. Or rather, what you thought was going on. You had to test your theory out, and you knew the perfect person to help.

“Enter,” Wednesday’s voice instructed before you even had a chance to knock on her door. Without questioning how she’d know you were there, you opened the door and closed it behind you once you were in Wednesday’s shared room with Enid.

“I need your help testing a theory,” You pleaded, leaning against the door. “I feel like I’m going crazy- and not the good kind.”

“There’s a bad kind?” Wednesday’s tone barely changed, but you knew her well enough to know she was teasing you in her own way. “I’m intrigued; go on.”

“I think I can read minds,” You confessed with a groan. “Not all the time; I think I can only do it if I’m purposely seeking them out or if the thoughts are… loud.”

“I imagine there are some people who have very loud thoughts,” Wednesday glanced over at Enid’s side of the room.

“Exactly!” You nodded. “And I wanted to test with you because I know I won’t just be reading your body language and facial expressions for clues.”

“What number am I thinking now?” Wednesday asked, turning her head away from you to look at her desk. Closing your eyes, you tried to push for the connection that you had felt when you accidentally used this possible new power on Ajax just a few minutes beforehand. He had been moping around, and you wanted to know why. It turns out he’d stoned himself again and had missed all of his morning classes, and subsequently got in trouble for being ‘careless’. He was banned from visiting Jericho for two weeks.

When you had sympathised with his struggles and offered to buy him some snacks when you next visited Jericho, he’d looked at you like you had grown a second head which had started speaking Latin. He asked how you had known he was banned. After some confusion and back and forth, you made up some lie about overhearing one of the teachers say something about it and excused yourself.

“37,” You announced confidently to Wednesday as soon as you had felt the connection be made and heard your friend’s monotone voice. It seemed fitting that even her internal monologue was as dry as she was when speaking. “Which US state am I thinking of?”

“Trick question,” You answered proudly. “You’re thinking about Poland, which, unless I missed a memo, isn’t a US state.”

“Very good,” Wednesday didn’t seem the slightest bit surprised that you had gotten it right. “Final one, what line from which of Edgar Allan Poe’s works am I thinking of?” She asked.

“But evil things, in robes of sorrow, assailed the monarch's high estate,” You echoed the exact line out loud. “From The Haunted Palace.”

“I think that settles it,” Wednesday confirmed. You opened your eyes to see her turning around to face you again. “Considering I didn’t say a single word out loud throughout that. Not even the questions.” Wednesday’s mouth was pressed firmly closed, though you could still hear her perfectly clearly.

With a small gasp, you intentionally severed the connection and stopped reading her mind.

“Okay, you can think freely again,” You informed Wednesday. “Thank you for helping me test that.” The door you were leaning on was suddenly pulled open, and you only just managed to catch your footing before you had the chance to fall into Enid.

“Y/N!” Enid instinctively held out her arms, just in case you did still fall. “Why are you here? Are you planning a surprise birthday party for me?”

“Enid, your birthday isn’t for another 9 months,” You shook your head with a smile. “Why would we be planning a surprise party now?”

“Because if you do it too close to the time, I would get suspicious when you were sneaking around making arrangements! But if you start now, by the time I’m thinking of it, the party will have been fully planned!” Enid explained cheerily. “I didn’t realise I’d said the party thing out loud? I hope I didn’t ruin the surprise!”

“You didn’t say it out loud,” Wednesday told her. “Y/N can read minds.”

“That’s why you were being weird with Ajax!” Enid immediately pulled out her phone, but you grabbed it out of her hands. “Hey!”

“Please, please, please don’t say anything to anyone yet!” You pleaded. “I need to talk to people first. I need to talk to the teachers. I don’t want people to think I’m going around snooping in on all of their thoughts. That’s not how it works.”

“How exactly does it work?” Enid asked as you wearily handed her back her phone. You didn’t entirely trust Enid not to at least tell Ajax… and then Yoko… and Divina since she would ‘just hear it anyway’ from Yoko…

“I mean, I don’t know exactly how it works, but from what has happened so far, I need to be talking to someone and wanting to know what they’re thinking. So when I spoke to Ajax earlier, I wanted to know why he was upset, and I guess I accidentally made that brain connection thing happen without realising what it was,” You explained, trying to properly make sense of it yourself and using actual words to describe what happened. “And sometimes people just have one-off loud thoughts that I hear? Some more than others….” Realisation dawned on Enid when she heard the last sentence.

“Well, I’m sorry if my thoughts are too ‘loud’ for you,” She huffed, using air quotes around the word ‘loud’. “I can’t control the volume of my own mind.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way,” You apologised. “But I can’t control what I hear either, at least not yet.”

“Has Xavier thought loudly about how in love with you he is yet?” Enid asked.

“Xavier isn’t in love with me….” You protested but trailed off as you recalled some of the things that you had thought you had heard Xavier say over the past week, only to now realise that some of them may have been thoughts.

“Oops, did I think that one too loudly as well?” Enid smiled slyly, pointing at you. “Wednesday, look at her face. I asked if she’d overheard Xavier thinking about how in love with her he is.”

“I gathered that,” Wednesday mumbled, wanting nothing to do with the whole ‘love’ ordeal.

You remembered the other night when you had talked about there being an unexpected kiss, and you thought he’d said ‘between us?’ over the words he actually did say. It had been a few nights, and you couldn’t remember the tone he’d said- or rather, thought it in. Was he confused? Hopeful? You raked through your brain but couldn’t remember any of the details for the life of you.

And the comment about hand-holding? That was just in a friendly way, friendly hand-holding. You had held hands as friends before, multiple times, you were usually the one to initiate it, and it wasn’t like you were in love with him. You weren’t in love with him at all, right?

Right?

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

You were. You absolutely were. Whether intentionally or not, you had never allowed yourself to think about it, always pushed the thoughts and feelings down before anything could become of them. Always pulled the weeds up, leaving the roots, not realising the roots were just growing and growing under the surface until one day, your whole garden was full of weeds. Except instead of weeds, they were possible unrequited feelings towards your best friend that threatened to ruin everything you had built up over the years you had known one another.

“I need to go,” You excused yourself and pushed past Enid to get to the door, ignoring whatever she was saying in the process. It would have been some sing-song ‘I told you so’, but your mind was too cluttered to pay attention.

You had to find Xavier and talk to him as soon as possible.

It hadn’t taken long to find him. You knew where he’d be. You always knew where he’d be.

You didn’t knock before letting yourself into the shed; you never had to. It was your shared space.

“Y/N! Are you okay?” Xavier looked at you in concern as you sunk against the door as you closed it behind you. “You look-”

“Xavi, I need you to please be quiet and let me talk at you for a bit because I need to say something now before I mess up the words in my head,” You interrupted him before he could finish. With a small nod, he had agreed. His mouth remained shut while you pulled away from the door and paced back and forth. “I’m just going to cut right to the chase here. I have somehow picked up the power to read minds. I hadn’t done it on purpose until like five minutes ago when Wednesday let me test it on her, and then I came straight to you because you have the right to know because you’re my best friend, and we talk all the time, and sometimes I accidentally hear people’s random thoughts because some thoughts are just really loud and some people have a lot of loud thoughts, like Enid, so I just hear them more, and I’m not saying that you have loud thoughts like that, but I think that maybe sometimes you do, which isn’t a bad thing but I wanted you to be aware so-” You had rambled so much that you hadn’t even noticed that Xavier had crossed the room until he had stopped your frantic pacing and held your face in his hands, squishing your cheeks together in what you assumed was a successful attempt and politely shutting you up.

“Deep breaths and calm down, yeah?” He said it so softly that it worked almost instantly. You hadn’t realised quite how fast your heart had been beating and how heavy your breath had become until he’d stopped and helped slow it down.

You weren’t sure what exactly had caused it, whether it was the fast-talking where one word flew into the next, or the flood of emotions that had hit you, or the fear of how he’d react to it all in the end, or just a mixture of it all. No matter what it was, Xavier had successfully calmed you down.

“Dare I ask which of my thoughts were particularly… loud?” Xavier asked, his hands still cradling your face.

“There were only a few?” You replied uneasily. You thought back, trying to differentiate between everything. It was hard when she didn’t realise what they were when they happened. “There was the… hand holding? I think that was one… and, uh…. you called me violent and… cute?”

“Could be worse!” Xavier breathed a sigh of relief. “Could have accidentally admitted I’m in love with you.” One look at your face was all it took for him to realise what he’d done. You stood there, wide eyes staring at one another, each almost daring the other to make a move.

Xavier broke first.

“That was a loud thought, wasn’t it?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

“It sure was,” You whispered, your hands coming up to take his own away from your face. Dejection crossed his face for a split second but was erased immediately when you just held his hands instead, cradling them against your chest. You broke eye contact, deciding that looking at the ground made talking easier because you didn’t have to worry about analysing every change in his expression to find the answers.

“Was it…. Truthful? Or did you think it jokingly?” You ask hesitantly, worried about the response it would elicit. Truly, you didn’t know if your heart could take it being a joke.

If the lack of response had worried you, when he pulled his hands away it all but shattered you. However, as soon as the pieces of you had been shattered, it was like Xavier scooped them all up again when he reached for your face and pulled you into a kiss.

It wasn’t a soft and gentle kiss. It was clumsy, frantic, and full of emotion and confusion. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t have to be, because it was with him.

You returned the kiss as soon as your brain allowed itself to switch back on and be present in the moment. Your arms wrapped around the back of his neck, holding him to you as though you were worried he would change his mind and back away again.

It was over all too soon for your liking, the two of you having no choice but to pull away to gasp in the air again. Xavier’s head ducked down, and he nestled his face into your neck. His breath tickled you as he spoke.

“It scares me how truthful it was,” He admitted, planting a small kiss on your collarbone. “I think I’ve known it for a while, but I didn’t want to risk you not feeling the same way.” He pulled away very suddenly to look at your face again. “Wait, you do feel the same way, right?”

You answered him this time by initiating the kiss yourself. This one was slower, the raw emotions you had both been feeling now having settled as a pleasant buzz in the air as the reality of the situation became clear.

You were two idiot best friends who had been in love with one another for longer than either of you could fathom.

You had always known you’d spend the future together, but now, you could spend your future together.

A/N - so I set out to write what I assumed would be a 2k-ish one-shot... then I think I blacked out and woke up foaming at the mouth 6k words later... if there are any accidental pov/tense changes, please let me know! I wrote this in third person, then decided I wanted it to be second person 5k words in so I went back and edited the whole thing which was a pain in the ass and I had to stop myself from rewriting it a third time in first person

feel free to suggest some more one-shots! I can't promise I'll get to them all, but watching Wednesday has filled me with inspiration and motivation to write! *cough cough* I'd be a sucker for a bianca x reader request *cough cough*

and lemme know if you'd like to be added to a taglist for future wednesday one shots <3

#xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe #xavier x reader #wednesday #xavier thorpe fluff #xavier thorpe imagine #xavier thorpe oneshot #wednesday oneshot #xavier thorpe x you #xavier x you #xavier x y #xavier thorpe x y/n

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parkerslatte · 7 months

Text

Strings That Bind Us | Part 1

Azriel x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: she/her pronouns used. fluff and a smidge of angst.

Summary: Y/N owns a small bookstore in Velaris. When she struggles to take her stock in, a handsome stranger approaches her and offers her help. She accepts the help and Y/N insists on making him dinner for his help. Azriel originally denies this but he finds himself eventually saying yes for reasons he doesn’t understand quite yet.

A/N: I might write a part 2 if anyone wants it :)

ACOTAR Masterlist

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

•••

The boxes of new books were stacked on top of one another and Y/N stared up at it deciding internally how to tackle it. It was the middle of summer and Y/N was already sweating just from arranging her store all day. Now as she stood before the stacks of books she let out a sigh and rolled up her sleeves. The first box wasn’t too big and was easy to carry inside and place by the counter. Y/N had only moved one box and she was already beginning to sweat.

The next few boxes were bigger and Y/N silently cursed. If the delivery had been on any other day it would have been fine, but the stock had decided to show up on the hottest day of the year. Y/N tried her best to manouver herself in a position where she could grip the box but every position she tried proved useless. It wasn’t as if the box was too heavy, it was only that it was an awkward size to carry.

Y/N gave a small wave and smile to the crowds who walked past. She wanted to speak up and ask for help but everyone she looked at seemed to be having a nice day and she didn’t want to interrupt them. Y/N suffered in silence. And the heat.

After awkwardly moving the second box into the store she let out a breath and fanned herself with her hands. It was too warm for the shirt and trousers she had decided to wear. Even if she could easily run up to her apartment situated above her store, she decided not to, not with the stacks of books sitting outside.

The third box she moved into the store made a dent in the stacks but there was still plenty more to go. Y/N didn’t know why she had decided to double her order of books for the month, it seemed like a good decision at the time knowing that her stock wouldn’t sell out any time soon. But not after only moving a few boxes she regretted it immensely.

“Do you need any help?” A voice asked from behind her as Y/N pushed the next box through the door.

Y/N turned and faced the source of the voice and her breath was swept away from her. The stranger in front of her was handsome, handsome in the way she read about in books. Of course she knew who he was, nearly everyone in Velaris did. Standing before her was the High Lord’s very own shadowsinger.

Y/N sagged against the box. “That would actually be really helpful.”

The shadowsinger, Azriel, stepped up to the box Y/N had started to push through the doorway and picked it up with ease. Y/N gaped. If only she had arms like his then maybe she could have done that.

“Where do you want it?” he questioned.

Y/N shook her head, bringing her attention from his arms to his eyes which wasn’t much better as they were a beautiful shade of hazel and seemed to glow in the lighting of her store. “Oh, just by the counter is fine.”

Y/N moved onto the next box and began to push it towards the entrance before Azriel swiftly picked it up and carried it into the store. Y/N followed him in. “You know if I had long arms like you, I would be able to do that too.”

“Sure,” he replied as he placed it down beside the counter with the rest of the boxes.

He exited the store and didn’t return for a moment and Y/N guessed that he had disappeared. Even the brief thought sent a twinge of disappointment through her. However before she could dwell on it any further, Azriel came into the store once more carrying two boxes.

Y/N folded her arms across her chest. “Okay, now you’re just showing off.”

Azriel placed them down beside the others and there was a hint of a smile on his face. It was barely visible but it was there. While he brought the last few boxes in, Y/N began to open them and began to make stacks of them alphabetically. From looking at how many books were in one box, she dreaded thinking of where she would put them all. Of course she had gaps in her shelves but there weren’t nearly enough for every book to go.

“Do you need any more help?” Azriel asked as he lingered near the door, wings blocking out a lot of light.

Y/N’s attention shifted from the books to Azriel and back to the books. “If you could help unbox everything it would help me a lot.”

Azriel gave her a nod before he stepped over to a box and began to open it and sacked the books as Y/N had been doing, even in alphabetical order. Y/N smiled before moving onto a box of her own.

“Do you work here alone?” Azriel asked.

“I do,” Y/N answered. “I’ve had this store for over one hundred years. It’s still going strong.”

“It seems well loved,” Azriel commented as he sorted through the books.

“I take great pride in it,” Y/N said, taking a moment to glance around. Her store felt like home. “Do you read?”

“Not as much as I would like,” Azriel answered.

“I suppose with your job, you find it hard to find a quiet time to relax and open a book,” Y/N said as she opened another box.

Azriel only nodded as he continued to organise the books alphabetically, even going as far to slip the ones he had between the pile she had created. Y/N watched from the corner of her eye. If she had known that morning that the shadowsinger would be helping her organise books she wouldn’t have believed it.

“Do you read a lot?” Azriel asked.

Y/N nodded enthusiastically. “I love to read! Anything and everything, it's partly the reason why I wanted to open this store. I wanted to share all the books I enjoy with people. Even if I might be a little biassed towards some of my favourites.”

“Is that why I have opened one box only filled with the same book?” Azriel asked, his tone holding a small hint of teasing.

Y/N smiled. “That book is my favourite, about a million miles above any other I’ve read.”

“It’s special to you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

“It is,” Y/N said, her gaze softening. “My mother and father always read that book to me while growing up, they always insisted that they read me different books but I always wanted that one. I still have the copy they read to me, the cover is nearly falling off and some of the pages are falling out but I refuse to replace it. The book is really the only thing I have left of my parents.” Y/N paused for a moment and turned to glance at Azriel. “I’m sorry, I have quite a habit of oversharing sometimes. I just start talking and don’t really stop. I apologise if I made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Azriel said softly. “How did they die?”

Y/N shrugged. “That’s the issue, I don’t really know. Originally I am from the Summer Court and my parents lived in a small cottage basically in isolation. There weren’t many others around. I visited them one day and found the whole cottage ransacked and they were nowhere to be seen, but there was blood everywhere, too much of it to know that they were alive. I came to Velaris not long after, my mother was originally from here.”

“I’m sorry,” Azriel said.

Y/N shook her head. “You don’t need to apologise. And besides it was nearly two hundred years ago now, I try not to dwell on it too much. It happened and there was nothing I could have done but move on. I know my parents wouldn’t want me to sulk about it for my whole life. It was half the reason I opened this store, in their honour.”

“They would be proud of you,” Azriel said, looking at her.

Y/N smiled. “I know they would.” She looked at the book scattered at her feet she she let out a sigh. “But they wouldn’t be proud of all of this mess though.”

Even with all of the categorised into alphabetical order, she knew that it was going to take her a long time to place them onto the shelves. It was already getting into the late afternoon and it was due to get dark soon. Y/N debated leaving it all to be a problem for the next day but she knew that she would keep putting it off if she left it any longer.

“I can help put them on the shelves as well,” Azriel said.

Y/N looked at him and shook her head. “I wouldn’t wish for you to do that. You’ve done so much for me already.”

“It wouldn’t be an issue,” Azriel said and moved towards a stack of books and picked them up.

Y/N sighed, knowing that she wasn’t going to get him to leave anytime soon. “You can start in that corner over here, there’s a large gap in titles.”

Azriel nodded before taking a pile of books in his arms and going to work in the corner Y/N had pointed to. Y/N stood and watched him. She wasn’t sure why the shadowsinger of the night court was helping her in her small bookstore. But as she watched as his brows furrowed in concentration as he read and sorted through the titles, she found herself smiling.

Shadows swirled around Y/N’s feet as Azriel’s head turned to catch her eye. Once Y/N realised that she had been caught staring she quickly looked away to fuss over a stack of books on the opposite side of the store. However she turned away too fast. If she had waited only a second more she would have witnessed the small smile appear on Azriel’s face.

***

“Thank you for your help,” Y/N said to Azriel as she placed the final few books on the shelves. It was dark outside now and the once bustling street was vacant and quiet. “I don’t know what I can do to repay you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Azriel said as he stood in the centre of the shop.

“No,” Y/N said, turning to face him fully. “You’ve been here basically all day. You probably had things you wanted to do. The least I can do is make you dinner or something.”

“You really don’t need-”

“I insist,” Y/N said, folding her arms across her chest and stepped closer to Azriel. His shadows swirled around her feet again and Y/N felt the soft caresses on her ankles. “And don’t even argue with me because you won’t win.”

Y/N now stood directly in front of him and smiled up at him. Azriel looked down at her, fighting the urge to let the smile appear on his face. “Now, what do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t mind,” Azriel said, his voice unusually quiet.

Y/N didn’t break eye contact as she slowly backed away from him. “Come on then, I only live upstairs.”

The stairs that granted Y/N access to her apartment were narrow and Azriel needed to tuck his wings in tight to even get up the stairs. Y/N quickly apologised to him as she quickened her pace to open the door at the top and let him into the spacious apartment. It wasn’t the largest apartment but it was open plan and granted Azriel the room to stretch his wings any way he wanted.

“You can sit wherever you wish,” Y/N said. “Dinner hopefully won’t be too long. You’re not too hungry, are you? If you are I can just make something quickly but I did want to make you a nice mean because you have been really nice to me today and-”

“Y/N,” Azriel interrupted, a soft smile gracing his face and Y/N melted at the sight of it. “I’m okay with anything.”

“I do have my mother’s recipe for a soup that she used to make me all the time, it shouldn’t take too long.”

“It sounds perfect,” Azriel said, his smile widening the smallest amount.

Y/N smiled back at him before swiftly turning to the kitchen area. She could feel Azriel’s gaze on her and her face heated up. Having the shadowsinger in her apartment was something she had never thought would happen, in fact the thought had never crossed her mind. She tried to ignore the feeling of Azriel’s gaze on her but she found it hard. As she prepared the ingredients she cast quick glances in the shadowsinger’s direction.

He was now carefully inspecting her apartment and looking at the decoration. Upon first glance it looked quite cluttered but Azriel could tell that everything held a great significance.

It wasn’t too long later when Y/N served up the soup in two mismatched bowls. Azriel couldn’t fight back the smile at the childish pattern on his bowl. Y/N ‘s eyes glanced down at the bowl and a soft smile graced her features.

“I painted that bowl when I was a child,” she said. “There was originally a whole set of them but they have all broken over the years. That is the only one that is still intact.”

“It’s beautiful,” Azriel said, sparing one final glance at the pattern on the bowl before placing it down on the table to begin eating the soup.

Y/N snorted. “You don’t need to be kind, I know it’s terrible.”

“But it means a lot to you,” Azriel said, his voice calm. “And that’s what makes it beautiful.”

“I suppose I have never thought of it that way,” Y/N said. “I’ve only ever thought of it as a silly painting I did in my childhood. But I guess it is beautiful in its own weird way.”

Azriel offered her a small smile before they both ate their soup in silence. It was comfortable.

***

It was several days later when Azriel found himself walking down that familiar street. He wasn’t sure why he was outside when he had plenty of work to be doing but it was as if something called to him. Ever since he had spent the day with Y/N, he hadn’t been able to get her off of his mind. He had only spent a matter of hours with her but every small thing reminded him of her. When he saw Nesta’s stack of books, the titles were familiar as he remembered shelving them days ago. The drawing Nyx gave him when he visited, the childish art reminded him of Y/N’s bowl. Even while he slept he couldn’t seem to escape Y/N. She would appear in his dreams and Azriel found himself disappointed when he awoke to find her not with him. She was plaguing his mind.

His pace slowed as he approached the familiar store. It was crowded and music seemed to flow from inside. Many left the store with wide smiles on their faces and carrying an assortment of bags. Azriel stood on the other side of the street and watched through the window, he could see Y/N behind the counter and he couldn’t help but smile. Her expression was calm as she greeted each customer that approached her. Despite the long line, no one seemed to be in a rush or angry.

Azriel wanted to go in the store just to be close to Y/N again but he stopped himself from doing so and instead remained on the other side of the street. When Azriel was questioned where he was going, he didn’t know what to answer. Originally he didn’t think he would end up in front of Y/N’s store but as he walked through the city, his feet seemed to carry him there.

The crowd in Y/N’s shop seemed to become emptier and emptier the longer Azriel lingered on the street. He had wanted to simply fly away and never think about Y/N again. But his body didn’t allow him to. It was as if he was stuck to the ground.

Azriel’s gaze shifted to Y/N’s shop once again as he looked through the doorway. There were only a few customers in the store now. Y/N chatted with the customer in front of her, a wide smile on her face. It caused Azriel to smile. Not one of his forced smiles or a smile he did just because he felt like he needed to. It was a real, genuine smile.

From inside the store, Y/N’s gaze shifted as if she felt someone looking at her. Her eyes met Azriel’s and her eyebrows furrowed before she brought her hand up and waved. Azriel froze as he was caught. He never had the intention of her spotting him across the street. Now as she smiled at him after handing over a bag of books to her final customer, Azriel swiftly turned on his heel and walked away from the store.

***

Y/N’s smile dropped as she watched Azriel walk away. Without thinking, she quickly raced out of the store and saw him already halfway down the street. She didn’t even lock her store before she took off down the street after him. If she was being completely honest with herself, she was hoping that the shadowsinger would show up at her store again. After cooking him dinner days ago, she had wanted to see him again. Each morning she had silently watched the door to her store hoping he would walk through. She felt guilty for her disappointment when it was just a regular customer.

“Azriel!” Y/N yelled down the street. Many fae turned to look at her but she simply ignored them in her pursuit of the shadowsinger.

Azriel must have heard her as he did slow his pace but didn’t stop completely. She increased her pace as she chased him down the busy street. As he turned a corner, she followed. There weren’t many others down this street and it was much quieter.

“Azriel, slow down!” Y/N exclaimed, she was already growing tired. “I need to talk to you.”

Azriel’s pace faltered once again and it gave Y/N the opportunity to catch up. He was a few paces ahead of her and she reached out her hand and gently clasped his in hers. This made Azriel go still.

“Finally, you stopped,” Y/N said, trying to catch her breath. “You know, you walk really fast?”

Azriel didn’t answer. He only looked at where Y/N clasped his hand in her’s. Y/N, however, didn’t notice how tense Azriel had become.

“I was wondering if you were going to stop by anytime soon,” Y/N said. “The store has been so busy over the past few days and I’ve been working my ass off but it has been fun. Nearly all the books you shelved are gone now.” Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed as Azriel still continued to look at their joined hands. “What’s wrong?”

Azriel finally met Y/N’s eyes. He pulled his hand out of Y/N’s grip and folded his arms behind his back. “Nothing.”

Y/N looked at the way his body was still tense as she took a small step back. “I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner again? Or even just go for a drink?”

Y/N’s heart was beating fast as she asked the question. She wasn’t sure where this confidence had come from but was grateful for it.

Azriel looked at her hands where she nervously fiddled with her rings and he slowly nodded. Y/N let out a quiet sigh of relief. “Good, for a moment there I thought you would say no then I would have chased you down the street for nothing. So, which will it be? Dinner or a drink?”

“Why not both?” Azriel asked.

Y/N smiled and the two began to walk to the main part of the city. It was still busy as they stopped by Y/N’s store for her to lock it up before continuing on their way to find a restaurant. The whole walk there, Azriel kept to himself, his hand locked behind his back. Y/N noticed the way he would flinch away as she accidentally brushed her arm with his.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable by touching you,” Y/N said. “I really wasn’t thinking. I just tried to make you stop.”

Azriel looked down at her, she was fiddling with her rings once more. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t?” Y/N said.

Azriel shook his head. “I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Me?” Y/N questioned. “Why would I be uncomfortable?”

Azriel swallowed as he brought his hands from where they were clasped behind his back to his front. He flexed his fingers as Y/N watched.

“My scars,” Azriel said. “I thought they would make you uncomfortable.”

Y/N stopped in her tracks and furrowed her eyebrows. “Of course they wouldn’t make me uncomfortable.” Azriel slowly turned to her. “And I’m sorry if I did anything to make you feel that way.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Azriel said. “Please don’t apologise.”

Y/N looked at Azriel and noticed the hesitation in his eyes as he stared down at his hands. She followed his gaze before slowly clasping his hands in hers. Azriel tensed for a brief moment before he relaxed.

“There is nothing about you that would make me uncomfortable,” Y/N said, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

“You barely know me,” Azriel said, his voice quiet.

“I know,” Y/N said. “That is true. But I do want to get to know you more if you’ll allow me. This sounds stupid but I was hoping that you would come to my store again. I’ve been keeping an eye on the door hoping that you would walk in.”

Azriel smiled. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. What does sound stupid is everything reminding me of a certain female and me thinking about her so much that it got to the point where I had to linger outside her shop for over an hour.”

Y/N laughed and clutched onto Azriel’s hands tighter. “Stalker,” she teased.

“I wanted to come in,” Azriel said frantically. “You were just busy and I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me.”

“Obviously I would want to see you,” Y/N said as she threaded their fingers together. She felt Azriel relax even more from her touch. “There's…just something about you that I am drawn to. And I’ll be happy to find out what that is.”

Azriel smiled as Y/N began to drag him down the street, their hands linked together.

#azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x female!reader #acotar x reader #acotar #azriel #azriel fluff

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stanfanfiction · 9 months

Text

Taste of You - Ken x fem!reader - PART THREE

Edit: multiple parts have been uploaded and can be found on my pinned Masterlist on my profile :)

For anyone who might want to skip the panic attacks/trauma response bit of the story and just enjoy all the smut (which I absolutely understand and would absolutely lose my mind if someone unintentionally got triggered by my story), I have put 🫶s all along the top and the bottom of the section of the story. So it’s super easy to just skip that entire section and enjoy what you had originally come for :)

Warnings: 18+ / V1rgin Ken / slow burn / smut smut smut/ losing virginity / P! In v! / oral (m! Receiving) / fluff / angst / mental health/ panic attack / purse-snatching incident / hard day for the reader / caretaking Ken / shower play / trauma response / ball touching & sucking / size k!nkk / praise K!nk

You hopped in your classmate’s car, slamming the door shut, attempting you not look like you just ravaged by a living doll inside your house.

You classmate saw through your bullshit immediately. Zoey leaned her head back and laughed out loud, and you looked at her, knowing your ruse was up, and laughed, too.

“Is it that obvious?” You asked.

Zoey pulled down the passenger seat visor mirror and opened it for you. That’s when you saw how flushed you were AND the giant hickey forming where your neck and shoulder met. “OH FUCK.”

Zoey laughed again, putting her purse in your lap. “Glad you know you’re having a good time again,” she winked. “My concealer should be in one of my purse pockets.”

You found it and started dabbing it onto the bruise.

“So who’s the blonde?” Zoey asked, nodding towards your condo. You turned to look and saw Ken staring out the window, smiling, waving at you. Oh god.

You smiled and waved back. “Go, please, go now. He’ll come out and want to talk if you don’t.”

Zoey stepped on the gas and you watched Ken disappear in the side view mirror.

“Tell me about your new man,” Zoey coaxed.

“Later,” you giggled. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Mmm, fiinnee,” Zoey exaggerated.

🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 (Beginning of trauma response section)

Class was easy but also torturous. You aced your exam and were out of the classroom within half an hour, and stopped for another coffee at the campus cafe on your way to your next class. You wanted to be back with Ken. You hated how fast he had turned your world upside down, especially dealing with the aftermath of a really scary relationship that you were still slowly working to heal from. You had been in the midst of a mental collapse when Ken showed up in your life. You now wondered how much of an unconscious decision inviting him into your home had been about possibly just not living alone so you felt a bit more safe.

You got through your next class decently easily, considering how boring the lectures were in this one, but kept spacing out for some reason today. Your memories with your ex kept ravaging your mind despite how hard you fought them, and it was difficult to focus on taking class notes. The professor called on you to answer a question and, despite feeling like you knew it, answered incorrectly, and that got into your head, making you feel even worse about, well, everything at the moment. You were so grateful when the professor announced everyone could leave and reminded when next week’s homework assignments were due.

Zoey texted that she had a family emergency and wasn’t able to drive you home as you left the classroom. You sent her your best and told her to let you know how you could help when she needed it. You decided to take the bus, which didn’t drop you off super close to your condo, but it was closer than walking from campus. The bus took ages, as there was a huge traffic jam on the road leading up to the bus stop. When you finally managed to get to the station near your house and got off, a masked man jumped out from around the corner of the building you were walking around with a knife and started ordering you to throw him your bag, approaching you swiftly. You screamed, whipping the heavy book bag into the criminal’s face as hard as you could before turning on your heel and sprinting away. The criminal was knocked down by how hard you had managed to hit him, and thankfully your scream alerted an couple other passerby’s and they started yelling at the guy, who stood as fast as he could and ran in the opposite direction. Once you knew he was definitely out of sight, you slowed your pace a little, finally at the last crosswalk that separated you from your home.

It had rained while you were in class, and as you were able to cross the street, a car zoomed by way over the speed limit and you got doused with a muddy puddle. You stared ahead in disbelief, but grit you teeth and began to walk home a little faster. You hadn’t had a panic attack in awhile, and didn’t want to involve Ken in any of the shit you were suddenly battling again in your head, AND after having just a kinda stupid day. You calmed your breathing as you approached your home, wanting to just shower in peace and hopefully calm down and not worry about anything the rest of the day.

You entered your condo dirty and exhausted. Ken was in the doorway, grinning, like he had been standing there all day. You looked up through wet eyelashes at him to see his demeanor change instantly, walking towards you.

“What happened?” He was so concerned. His hands danced around, trying to figure out what to do, reaching for your book bag then retreating his hand.

“I just….hmmm,” you worked hard to keep your composure. You didn’t want to break down in front of him. “I just need to shower, and, uh, then we can….whatever…”

He heard the defeat in your voice, and he looked so concerned. “How do I help?”

You smiled a little. “There’s nothing you can do, Ken. Just one of those days.” You patted his arm. “I’ll be fine, just need a bit.”

“Oh, okay,” Ken paused, glancing towards the bedroom. “Uh, so, I need you to close your eyes when walking to the bathroom.”

You eyed him. “Why, Ken?”

He seemed distressed. “You’ll see, but later. Can I cover your eyes?”

You were too tired to play games, even though he was being sincere. “I’ll just close my eyes, you can guide me to the bathroom.”

Ken nodded, looking determined. You closed your eyes, offering him your wet hand, and he slowly helped you get into the bathroom, closing the door behind the two of you.

“I can open my eyes now?”

“Yes.”

He stared at you, sad, looking helpless.

“Can I help you get these off?” He reached for your wet clothes.

You gently stopped his hand. “I’m good, Ken. Thank you. I just need a moment alone.”

He looked a little crushed, but nodded, still learning how to navigate this new emotion coming from you.

“Okay, y/n. I’m, uh, I’ll be just outside the door if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Ken.”

You peeled off your wet clothes we he closed the door, shivering from feeling so cold. You turned the shower on to hot, leaning your hands onto the sink counter as you breathed intentionally, still trying not to cry. You needed to cry but felt scared too, but for whatever reason you weren’t sure why. You walked into the hot shower, focusing on enjoying its warmth and began to lather the dirty off of yourself, shampooing your hair, staring towards the floor the whole time.

When you were finally clean, you leaned your head into the wall, slowly allowing yourself to finally leak some tears. Your head spun, and then the sobs came quick and hard. You sank down onto the tile floor, your body heaving, and your wrapped your arms around your legs, hugging yourself as you experienced your release.

You heard the shower door open. Ken stood there, naked, and walked into the shower with you, closing the door. You stared up at him with bloodshot eyes, trembling lips, the shower water falling over your figure. You could see him racking his brain on what to do.

He sat down beside you, the side of frame gently touching your own, as the shower wasn’t big enough to allow you enough space to not be in bodily contact. He copied your stance of hugging your legs, and looked down at the floor.

“I’m not sure what is wrong, but I didn’t want you to be alone.” His voice echoed softly in the tiled room.

You felt safe. It was sudden, it was amazing, and it made your heart ache even more somehow. Shame racked your entire being and you began to sob again, Ken sitting quietly next to you, and his silent company somehow made it easier to experience your pain.

He allowed you as much time as you needed, and when you began to calm down a little, exhausted more than ever, you covered your face with your hands, mortified. You felt Ken’s hand gently touch your forearm.

“What’s wrong?” He asked so tenderly it made you want to cry again.

You shook your head. “I…can’t…”

He waited patiently for you to finish.

“I’m sorry, I can’t talk about it right now,” you said between shaky breaths.

Ken nodded. “That’s okay.” He paused, before asking, “I just want to make sure it’s not something I did to you.”

You looked up at him now, his beautiful face gazing down at yours. You shook your head. “No, Ken. You have only been wonderful to me.”

His anxiety relaxed, and he nodded again. “Whatever it is, I will keep you safe.”

You had no idea why he said that, but maybe somehow his intuition was way more evolved than you realized. A few more tears ran down your face. “Thank you, Ken.”

“I want to help.”

“You are helping.” You sniffed and leaned your head on his shoulder, allowing his calming presence to relax you a little.

🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 🫶 (End of trauma response section)

Ken looked over and saw the bruise he had left on your shoulder area earlier that day. He looked alarmed. “Who did this to you?”

You laughed now, and he startled at that. “You did. When you suck too hard sometimes, you can bruise my skin. We call them hickeys.”

Ken stared. “I…didn’t mean -“

“I know,” you wrapped your arms around his. “It doesn’t hurt, I just have to cover it up when I’m out. Well, I guess I choose to cover it up.”

“Why?”

“It’s kind of an indication that I’m having sex with someone.”

Ken looked confused. “Is that a bad? That people would know?”

You paused, thinking. “I suppose not? It’s just not something a lot of people want others to randomly know, I guess. Hickeys can also be seen as marks of ownership.”

“Ownership?”

“Yeah, like a kink thing. Kind of a, I’ll leave a hickey on you because I want others to know you’re mine.”

Ken’s wheels were spinning. “Kink thing…”

“I’ll explain kinks later, if that’s alright.” You put your chin on his shoulder now, looking up at him.

“Uhh, so, people will see your hickey and assume you are,” he lowered his voice, “mine?”

“Well, not specifically ‘yours,’ as they don’t know who you are, but it could be seen as an indication that someone marks me as a means of calling me their own.”

“Ah.” Ken was working hard to appear nonchalant, but you definitely noticed him processing that information.

Your exhausted state of mind was causing your body to slowly come down from the day, and being this close to Ken, feeling he sensitive he was to wanting to understand you and the world around him was such an easy turn-on. You reached a hand over and placed it on his chest. His pecs swelled when he in-took a sharp breath at your touch.

“You’re so kind to me. Can I return the favor?” You traced your finger down his sternum. A small moan grew from the back of his throat

“You’re sure?” He asked, although suddenly struggling to keep his composure. You LOVED how easily he was turned on by you.

“Mmmhmm. Want to make you feel good.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“What would you like *me* to do?” You repeated back to him, your hand now reaching for his cock, which was already hardening.

“I…don’t…if you are tired -“

“I’m not too tired for you.” You kneeled, turning his face in your hands. “Let me take care of you, my sweet boy.”

That did it. In one swift movement, Ken stood up, bringing you up with him into a standing position. He pressed you into the shower wall, the slight sting of the cold tile awakening all of your senses.

“Gonna make you wet for me,” he said, hooking one of your legs around his waist and holding it there as his now fully hardened cock began rubbing in-between your folds. You moaned loudly at the sparks that exploded in your abdomen.

He reached around with his other hand to grab your butt and you giggled a little when you realized this was his first time really touching you there. He discovered that he could maneuver your hips to move in rhythm with his own this way, and he moaned in awe as he watching your two bodies move together.

His breathing was becoming louder now.

“What do you want, Ken?”

“Just want you,” he shuddered, rubbing into you harder now. You moaned loudly at the way his cock was beautifully massaging your clit. “Just so desperate for you.”

You put your hands on his chest. “Why don’t we take this to bed?” You asked, wanting to be able to pleasure him while he relaxed.

Ken shook his head at first. “Need you now,” he said, hips beginning to buck a little faster, then he slowed his pace, remembering something. “Ohhh, oh yeah. Yes.” He stopped his movement. “Okay, yeah we should go to the bed.”

You cocked your head trying to figure out his change of mind when you recalled he had asked you to close your eyes on the way to the bathroom.

Ken turned off the shower water and stepped out, wrapping you in a towel first so you would stay warm. He hurriedly dried himself off and then tried to help you, which made you laugh, as he only got in the way, but your laugh made him smile, and that felt good to see.

“Okay,” he said, reaching for your hand but then pulling back.

“What’s with the sudden shyness?” You asked.

“Just want you to be happy.”

“I’ll be happy. Can I see now?”

He nodded, then reached back for your hand, which you accepted. He opened the bathroom door and you stepped into the bedroom, and your heart melted.

Ken had put candles on the bedside tables, different colors, all lit, and the bed was covered in fresh rose petals. You looked at him.

“You did this?”

He grinned, pleased to see you liked it. “Yeah. I found this app thing called Pin Interest and uh, looked up things girls like, and I found a picture of something like this. I didn’t know what color you liked best so I got all the colors I could find,” he said, indicating the candles.

You giggled, wanting to correct him that the app was called “Pintrest,” but decided it didn’t really matter. “You went and got all this?”

“Yeah, I took the cash you left for me and went shopping. Although,” he looked confused again, “three different people gave me their phone numbers on the way there and back. I’m not sure what to do with them? Am I supposed to call them about something?”

“Forget the numbers, Ken.” You laughed, and pulled him towards the bed. “Okay, lay down.”

Ken shook his head, and picked you up bridal style. He got onto the bed and placed you in front of him so your back was pressed against his chest and torso, and he reached for a cup on the bedside table.

“You always make this when you seem stressed after class, so I made you some when you got into the shower.” He handed you a cup of your favorite hot tea with a sliver of lemon, just the way you always made it. Had he paid this close attention to you?

You felt like crying again. No one had ever thought about caring for you this way. He wrapped his arms around your waist contentedly as you took a sip.

“It’s perfect, Ken.” You smiled up at him, eyes teary. “*You’re* perfect.”

He looked so happy at you, and reached forward towards your cup. “I just want you to feel loved.” He felt like a wall behind you, secure as you leaned fully back into him, and he rested his chin softly onto your hickey.

“I do,” you wanted to say, but something in you chocked the words down. Instead, you turned to kiss him, and he kissed you back. His kisses were so wonderfully warm and soft. When you two pulled apart, he reached a hand near your cup.

“May I?” He asked.

You didn’t know what he was asking to do but you nodded anyway, and he dipped two fingers into the tea, stirring them around in it for a moment before bringing them up to your lips. Ahhhh, he discovered he really liked his fingers in your mouth. You took them between your lips and sucked on them while Ken watched as his pupils dilated. You licked them for a moment before letting them free, and he looked like he was in a daze.

“Remember how my mouth felt on your cock?’

He nodded, silent.

“Would you like me to do that again?”

“I do. Been thinking about it all day.”

“You’re so patient, you deserve to be rewarded.”

Ken made a soft sound at that, and you decided you’d have to keep praising him the rest of the night, he was so hot when he reacted to it.

You reached over to set your tea down, Ken loosening his grip on you just enough to do so, then tightening it again. You pushed at his arms.

“I need to get up so I can pleasure you,” you purred.

“MMhmm. In a little while.”

You gasped when he hooked his legs underneath yours, ankles wrapping around yours, and opening your legs for him.

“Ken, it’s your turn, remember?”

“Gotta make you wet first,” Ken his fingers back into your mouth, and you knew this was already becoming addictive to him.

“Ken, I promise you, I’m plenty wet,” you said when he pulled his fingers out a moment later.

Ken shook his head. “Don’t want to hurt you,” and with your saliva on his fingers, he began running his fingers up and down your vulva, from opening to clit.

Your head fell back onto his shoulder, and if your eyes had been open you would have seen him gazing adoringly at you. His fingers teased your entrance, dipping in only the tiniest bit before circling it and then going back up to rub on your clit.

“Ken, please,” you begged, your legs shaking a little. “Please let me just pleasure you. I need to. I need to right now.”

“Later.” He pushed two fingers inside of you, curling them right as he entered, and immediately hit your g-spot, causing you to cry out.

“Ken, Ken, Ken…” his name on your lips like a prayer. He was hypnotized by you. You squeezed hard around his fingers as he sped up the pace, holding you in place with his legs. Fucking hell if he wasn’t a virgin you would force him down, ride his face until you collapsed, and then make him fuck you until you lost control over all rhyme and reason.

“Fuck you until you lose what?”

His voice startled you but you couldn’t be bothered to full re-enter reality with the way he was touching you. “What?”

“You were mumbling.”

Oh fuck you couldn’t even trust your thoughts to yourself. You needed to gain back control which would take great difficulty as he swirled his fingers inside you, deeper, feeling every crevice he could find.

“Need you to stop,” you gasped. “Please.”

“Why?” He asked, slowing his pace the tiniest bit.

“Because I want to orgasm on your cock.”

He stopped then and you opened your eyes, watching him contemplate how that would feel.

“The way you squeeze and spasm around my fingers…”

“Yes,” you reached behind you and gripped his throbbing member in your hand, “but around here instead.”

He finally decided to listen and slowly removed his fingers from you. You decided to make him happy and sucked your juices from his fingers, and he shuddered again watching his digits disappear into your mouth. You released them, then looked up at him firmly.

“Now lay back like a good Ken.”

His eyes glazed over a little and he immediately complied, laying down, the rose petals on the bed moving around the two of you as you straddled his hips.

“What would you like first, sweet Ken?”

“Anything you’ll do to me,” he choked out as you rubbed your wet vulva over his cock and ran your fingers down his lower abs, those fucking perfect muscles flexing in time with his spasms.

“Good Ken.” You leaned down and, continuing your slow rubbing on his cock, kissed from his lips, down his neck, to his chest which was heaving with heavy breaths. You smirked at him as the tip of your tongue traced one of his nipples. He grabbed your hips and bucked into you, and you smiled now as you began licking and gently biting him there.

“Ohh! I can’t..fuck, y/n, what….this feels so…” he groaned when you left his nipple for a moment to suck hard on the area of his peck above it, using teeth and staring up at him as he watched you mark him. When you pulled back, the small bruise was already beginning to form, and his eyes shone at you. You realized then maybe marking him for fun might not have been the *best* idea, since he had reacted the strongest to the idea that a hickey represented someone claiming someone else….but you decided you’d figure that out later.

You continued down his abs, licking up and down and he gripped your hair tightly when you reached down to hold his balls.

“Y/N!” He cried, his entire body shaking a little.

“You’re doing so good, Ken. Taking everything I’m giving you so well. You’re handling it all so, so well.”

He regained a little confidence at that but lost everything again when you took his member into your mouth, sucking hard at the tip before lowering your mouth as far to his base as you could. He trembled and made the most wonderful noises you had ever heard, your free hand firmly gripping his base and moving in time with your mouth.

“It’s…..ahhhh! It’s too much,” he gasped shakily, and you paused softly, removing your mouth from him, and climbing back up onto his hips.

“Are you okay, sweet boy? Is it hurting you?”

He stared up at you, and he looked so innocent, so overwhelmed. “I’m trying,” he promised.

“You don’t have to try. This is supposed to feel good.”

“It *does* feel good.” It seemed he wasn’t gaining back any control of his body despite the break from you pleasuring him, and he began to tremble. You took his lips in yours, intentionally moaning into his mouth, and he kissed you back so hard, with so much love, you swear you felt it full your entire being.

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” he whispered, face flushed.

“Why on earth would you disappoint me?” You asked, brushing back a hair from his forehead. He looked so emotional, and then you understood. You had been intimidated and felt oddly shameful and sad your first time, too. You just hadn’t thought that a man could feel the same way, at least it hadn’t crossed your mind until now.

“Everything you are feeling,” you said softly, Ken hanging on your every word, “is normal. But there’s no reason to feel bad about any of this. You’re safe. All of you, all of this, it’s beautiful. It’s special.”

He stared at you, so much trust in his eyes.

“Would you like me to keep going? Or should we stop for awhile?”

He shook his head, running his fingers up and down your back, giving you such a lovely shiver.

“I want everything. I want you.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, small, but certain. “Please.”

You smiled at him. You promised yourself you’d be gentle, and you would. You wanted to make this beyond amazing for him. You held his cock, huge in your hand, and thought for a second about how maybe you should have let him finger you a bit longer to stretch you open, but you would definitely make do. You lined him up underneath you, and placed his hands on your hips.

“I know it’s your first time, but I’m going to ruin you for anyone else,” you stated. Ken had no idea what you were talking about but assumed since you were the one saying it that he would love it.

His eyes grew wide as you achingly slowly lowered yourself onto his tip, and his hands gripped your hips so tightly you knew you’d have fresh bruises when this was over. That made you feel so turned on that you lowered yourself further, keeping your eyes on Ken, making sure he was alright with everything as it was happening. He cried out when you fully bottomed out onto his cock, and you moaned loudly as how long and thick he was. You definitely *were* in pain, but FUCK if it wasn’t so incredible and you were soaking up every moment of it.

“You okay, my sweet boy? Are you taking all of this like a good Ken?” You lifted yourself back up, almost letting him fully out of you before lowering yourself back down, having you balance yourself with your hands on his chest because he was causing you so much pleasure but still adjusting to his size. Ken’s head rolled back into the pillows, shuddering, hips twitching underneath you.

You were going to fuck him out of his mind. You began moving a little faster and he spit out the most incredible noises and half-coherent words.

“You are so….ah…bea - I ohhh….tight…you’re so TIGHT…I’m…so good…y/n…it’s, ahh, please, please…”

Your hips moved faster once you were physically able to stand his size, and you panted, focusing on keeping a steady pace as his whole body writhed underneath you.

“Mmmm, you fuck me so well,” you gasped, and he opened his eyes - those gorgeous, blue, being fucked-out-of-his-mind eyes - and looked so proud and happy that he was able to make you feel this good. The fact that he was still so focused on your pleasure when he was literally experiencing intercourse for the first time made you even hotter, and you began bouncing up and down on his cock.

He yelled out in surprise, hands shaking, and you removed them from your hips to your breasts, which he took between his strong fingers and squeezed, your head falling back and you letting out breathy moans.

Ken started getting close to his climax and you could tell, he was becoming even less coherent, and his hands moved around on you, trying to find somewhere to grip but not knowing where to land. You realized he looked a little scared. You leaned forward but didn’t stop your pace while you fucked him.

“Are you okay, my Ken?”

He didn’t answer, just took both of your wrists in his hands. You slowed your pace now, and placed both of your hands on his face. As always, he relaxed a little, his face brightening, and he leaned his cheek into one of your palms.

“Can you help me finish you like this?” He closed his eyes, taking in your scent as your hair fell a little into his face, but he nodded. “Can you put your feet on the bed, bend your knees?”

He complied, and now his cock was buried *deeep* inside of you, both of you moaning loudly in unison.

You kept your hands on his face. “Are you ready, sweet Ken? My good Ken?”

He opened his eyes, completely lost in you.

“Yes, please,” he whispered. You began riding him again and shuddered so hard he had to grip your hips to balance you. He was so fucking deep from this angle you swore he might hit your cervix.

“I’ve got you,” you soothed as you regained some composure and got back into a steady pace. Ken was panting now, every muscle tensed and fucking fuck he was so goddamn strong and chiseled and flawless. He almost yelped when you took a hand back to reach down and press into a spot directly above his cock. You had learned this from a sex magazine ages ago, about how men had a special little “g spot” too to a degree in their groin area there, but had never tried it. Apparently the magazine was telling the truth because Ken seemed to lose all control after that.

He bucked up into you, hard, and you screamed in a mix of pleasure and pain, chanting his name over and over again as you swore your voice would become hoarse from how loud you were having to be to release some of this internal pressure. You felt surrounded by him - his body, his energy, the smell of the rose petals around the two of you mixing with his scent. You were in heaven.

You squeezed your eyes shut as your orgasm hit hard, washing over and over and over again, and if you had been looking you would have seen Ken smiling up at you right before he lost all control himself - feeling you squeeze and spasm around him, hearing you yelling his name over and over again, watching you experience intense pleasure because of him, while on top of him, with him inside you. You were beautiful, so beautiful. He fucked into you fast and hard, chasing his orgasm that exploded his entire being into fireworks, his vision seeing stars as he lost any idea of how he was moving or what was happening around him, only that he felt SO so amazing, and that you were there with him. He sobbed your name as he rode out his pleasure, his body going limp the moment he was through.

You both worked to catch your breath, eyes focusing on each other, and you smiled, exhausted, down at him. He smiled back, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. You were so thankful he didn’t seem scared or embarrassed by it, because you knew that it meant he felt safe.

He whines, visibly unhappy, when you pulled yourself off of him. You laid down next to him on your side, facing him, your body spent. He turned on his side, too, and hooked your leg around his waist, then wrapped his arm around your torso, holding you close. He thrust back up into you completely . You yelped, grasping his strong arm in shock.

“Wanna stay here,” he mumbles, trying to look dominant but his expression being obvious that he was hoping you wouldn’t make him leave. To prove his point, he pushed himself impossibly deeper into you ever so softly, but now it was your turn to see stars, and you felt like you would cry now.

“Please, Ken,” you begged. “I’m really tender right now.”

“I know,” he said, barely moving his hips but still stroking his still rock-hard cock in and out. Goosebumps covered your flesh.

“How are you still able to do this??” Tears actually begun forming now. Your body was telling you it couldn’t take any more but somehow it was, and you couldn’t seem to manage to make yourself push him away no matter how loud you yelled at your body to do so.

“Am I not supposed to be able to do this?” He asked genuinely.

“Most men can’t…ahhhhh…” you faltered, your head falling into his chest as his cock rubbed every inch of the top of your opening, your g-spot getting perfectly stimulated with the rest of your muscle tightening around him.

“Most men can’t what?”

“Do this again so soon,” you choked.

“Mmmmm.” He acknowledged his understanding, then placed a kiss on your forehead. “But I’m not most men.”

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katelynnwrites · 9 months

Text

Think I Forgot How To Be Happy, Something I’m Not (But Something I Can Be) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: reader’s prior messy break up

word count: 3642

summary: you leave north london broken but maybe in germany, you’ll meet someone who helps you to heal, part two can be found here

a/n: requested, some fluff for my fellow germany fans. also my brain kinda went off on it’s own tangent here so this is what it is 🥺😂

Germany is not somewhere you thought you would ever live in. Yet here you are, in your new and empty apartment, having signed for Wolfsburg.

Arsenal had been your home for as long as you could remember and you had never planned on leaving your childhood club.

You were happy there. Until you made the stupid decision to date a teammate.

That’s where it had all gone wrong for you.

The way your relationship had ended, you wouldn’t wish that on anyone. The initial dismissal and pulling away by your ex had left you with trust issues.

The inevitable break up led to you falling out of love with North London. All the little corners and places in the city that you had once loved so much and therefore shared with your ex were now tainted with painful, sour memories.

So encouraged by your Arsenal teammates who have had a front row seat to the way your relationship had fallen apart, you had left the only home you had ever known for Wolfsburg.

******

You arrive in Wolfsburg to Jill’s open arms, the former Arsenal player having been instructed to look out for you.

She picks you up at the airport and brings you to the apartment where you would be staying.

The Dutch woman offers to stay and help you unpack but you give her a small smile and tell her you would be fine on your own.

You don’t want to say it but you need a moment alone, to process this enormous decision that you had made.

Jill understands and leaves but promises to be back so that you can carpool with her to your first training session with the German club.

Alone in your apartment, surrounded by cardboard boxes, you sigh and sit down to think.

******

Jill introduces you to your new teammates. They’re all welcoming, friendly and nice, excited to meet their new English teammate.

You’d remember a few of them, from international friendlies.

Lena Oberdorf especially because she had almost taken your ankle out with a solid tackle.

She rushes to greet you first, saying she is so glad to meet you and worrying if you hold any hard feelings towards her.

You didn’t and you tell her as much, giving her a warm smile.

Svenja Huth is next, taking her duties as captain very seriously and wanting to make sure you are fitting in okay.

The following faces you meet kind of blur together, unfamiliar German accents being the only thing you catch.

Until a brunette steps forward, meaning to introduce herself only for a blonde to interrupt her loudly, ‘I’m Jule and this is Felicitas.’

‘Don’t call me that.’ She mumbles, making Jule giggle.

‘Ignore her please. I’m Feli and it’s really nice to meet you.’

You laugh and shake her hand.

Feli smiles and you give her one in return.

******

As lovely as your new teammates are, you’re still not letting them in and keeping your guard up.

It bothers them, when you make excuses to miss team meals and leave team bondings early.

You play well with them on the field, connecting easily and creating goal scoring opportunities. Your talent is not something that was ever in doubt but now it shines through. The German style of play suits you.

But your distance concerns them enough that they ask Jill, the only one who you seem willing to open up to about why you seem so closed off and sad.

Jill tells them about your messy break up and how much it had hurt you.

She doesn’t share enough to violate your privacy but what she said had been enough.

Your Wolfsburg teammates are kinder to you after that, patiently waiting for you to let them in.

Especially Feli who is particularly enamored with you. With your English accent and smile.

The German has been trying to keep her growing feelings for you under wraps but it’s been getting harder for her to do so.

She loves spending time with you, adores the way your eyes light up when you find something funny.

When she finds out you’re a dog person, she brings her dog to training.

Feli watches as you laugh, letting her poodle lick your hand. Her heart skips a beat when you look up at her, a big grin on your face.

The sound of your laughter gives her a warm feeling inside, so much so that she’s smiling like a fool.

Jill leans against the wall with her and quietly says, ‘Well done. This is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her since she got here.’

‘I just want her to be happy.’ Feli murmurs, shrugging lightly.

In that moment, Jill realises exactly how smitten her teammate is.

******

You weren’t blind. You know that your teammates know what is up with you.

But slowly and surely, their patience and kindness begins to pay off.

Feli is a big part of that.

The German player had caught onto how much you love her dog and had repeatedly invited you to a park not far from the training grounds.

At first you had made your usual excuses but Felicitas had been gentle but persistent in her asking, so much so that you had acquiescenced.

In the time you spend with Feli and Cinnamon, you get to know them both.

Cinnamon loves getting the spot behind her ears scratched and Feli loves her coffee.

As you grow more and more familiar with a certain German, you find yourself developing feelings for her.

Eventually it gets to the point where you wake up one morning, on an off day and catch yourself excitedly getting ready to see her at the park.

You don’t go that day.

You ignore all her subsequent texts and calls.

They are anxious and worried at first but soon get even more frantic.

You hide under your blankets and keep your phone far away from you.

So great is the pain in your heart and so heavy are the thoughts in your head that you forget that you gave Jill a spare key when you moved in.

The depth of Feli’s feelings for you are not to be underestimated because soon enough, she’s there with Jill.

Jill who takes one look at you in your room and quietly sits down beside you on the bed, where you’re curled up.

‘Schat, I know that you’re scared of what you might feel for Feli but for what it’s worth, I believe that she couldn’t be more different than your ex.’

The Dutch woman waits a moment and upon not getting any response, sighs.

‘She was so worried you know. Feli practically begged me to come here and check on you.’

‘Was she?’ You softly ask, tearing up slightly as Jill talks about the German woman who has found her way in your heart despite your best efforts to keep her out.

‘She still is. I couldn’t convince her to go back to her apartment so she’s here. I managed to get her to wait in your living room till I spoke with you.’

‘She’s here?’

You panic and stand up, rushing to pull your bedroom door open.

Felicitas freezes, she’d been pacing you think.

Cinnamon barks happily and runs up to you. The brown poodle gets an absentminded pet from you before you straighten back up.

You keep staring at Feli and barely notice Jill leaving the apartment after saying that she’d give the two of you a moment.

‘Hi.’ Feli softly says.

‘Felicitas.’

‘You’re the only one who I don’t mind calling me that you know? Well, other than my parents.’ The brunette gives a tiny laugh before she takes a step towards you.

‘You mean a lot to me. The way I feel about you isn’t a secret.’

The sharp inhale that escapes you is loud. You didn’t know that your feelings were returned and the anxiety her confession causes must be clear on your face.

Feli’s eyes widen and she quickly says, ‘I know someone hurt you badly and I want you to know that I would never do that. I really care for you and I'd just like you to know that if you ever want to let me in, I'll be here. You don’t have to feel the way I feel but I'm here. I'm always going to be here for you. I'm not going anywhere, I promise.’

‘You promise?’

The way your voice wavers makes your unsurety apparent.

It’s why Feli doesn’t hesitate to answer with certainty, ‘I promise.’

You stay silent, trying to see if she really means it.

After a moment, you decide she does. You trust that she does.

‘Okay. D-Do you still want to go to our park now?’

It’s a tiny nervous step from you but a step nonetheless.

‘Of course.’ Feli is quick to agree, a wide smile on her face.

The fact that you had referred to the park as yours and hers, gives her butterflies in her stomach.

******

You join your teammates for lunch.

If Feli had to bring Cinnamon and sit beside you for the whole meal, she didn’t care.

Neither did your teammates who are over the moon that you are finally comfortable enough to start letting them in.

They don’t explicitly say anything to you but the way they grin and hug you, shows you that they care.

The meal is lighthearted and fun, situated at a pet friendly restaurant, to accomodate Cinnamon.

By the end of it, you have decided that getting to know your teammates outside of training wouldn’t be so bad.

Especially if Feli was going to hold your hand every time she thought you were anxious.

******

You begin going over to Feli’s apartment.

She convinced you to come over one day, after playing fetch with Cinnamon, saying that she’d like to introduce you to proper homemade German food.

You’d hesitated but she had looked at you so pleadingly you could not say no.

So you said yes.

And that is how the twice a week dinners started because the food that Felicitas makes is just so good.

You might even say that it makes you fall a little harder for her.

Feli tries to teach you how to cook but it doesn’t really work out. It’s almost laughable really, how hard the both of you try, you to cook and her to teach you.

Eventually the two of you just resign yourselves to the fact that it wouldn’t work and settle into a new routine.

One where you go shopping for groceries together and cook together in Feli’s apartment.

A routine where you insist on paying for the groceries since she cooks and where you sit on the counter, sneaking pieces of food to Cinny as you watch her cook.

******

As the months pass by in Germany, you make sure to keep in contact with your old Arsenal teammates.

Your English teammates you still see at camp but you miss your other teammates.

Especially Lia who you have always been particularly close to.

Lia who you call one night, to have her answer your video call with a knowing smile.

‘Lia?’ You nervously question.

‘You’re falling in love.’

‘What? Lia no.’

‘I was watching the game today. I saw you run to a certain Felicitas Rauch as soon as she went down. You were the first one by her side.’

‘I care a lot about all my teammates. I’d do the same for you.’

Lia doesn’t just laugh, she giggles.

‘Yes but you wouldn’t be smoothing sweaty hair off my face or helping me sit up. Or holding my hand as you walk me back to my position.’

You frown, remembering the moment from earlier.

Feli had been tackled and had gone down holding her ankle. She had not got back up, so you had sprinted right over.

Upon hearing her pained gasps, you had immediately tried to soothe her pain as best as you could.

It hadn’t occurred to you that it would be broadcasted on live television.

You had just been so focused on Feli and the fact that she had been hurting. Everything else was unimportant then.

The way Felicitas had gratefully held your hand as the medics checked out her ankle, it assured you that you had made the right decision.

Lia’s new fit of giggles brings you out of your thoughts.

‘I’d hold your hand and walk you back to your position if you wanted.’ You grumble.

The Swiss woman laughs once more before looking at you seriously.

‘I’m so glad you’re healing. It wasn’t easy to see how broken you were before.’

‘Feli’s been…’

You trail off, not knowing how to explain exactly how kind, patient and warm the defender has been to you.

Lia nods, ‘I know Feli and I know you. I also know that you’ll be good for each other.’

‘I don’t know Lia. I’m just so scared. Feli means so much to me and she’s been incredibly sweet but there’s always the chance that this all goes wrong. I love Germany and I feel at home here now. I don’t want to lose that again.’

Your former teammate nods once more, understanding your fears.

But then she asks something you should have asked yourself a long time ago.

‘Why does Germany feel like home?’

The answer is one you know deep down. Germany only feels like home because of Felicitas.

******

You curl into Feli’s body, your palm resting on her stomach.

She shifts, allowing you to get more comfortable.

‘Thanks.’ You whisper, so as to not disturb the rest of your teammates during the movie screening and she presses a kiss onto your hair in response.

You don’t stop her when she presses a second and then a third affectionately.

If anything, you relax even further into her.

With her so close, you can hear and feel the way her breath stutters every time the movie picks up.

It seems that Feli scares easily and you find that adorable.

******

Twice a week dinners at Feli’s apartment become a nightly occurrence.

One evening when it’s her turn to host team bonding, you answer the door.

Jill smirks.

You roll your eyes.

She catches you alone, in Feli’s kitchen later on.

‘Whatever you two are, it’s not just friends.’

‘I know.’ You say softly and despite Jill’s excited follow up and slightly invasive questions, you don’t say anything else.

******

Despite how close you and Feli are, she’s not your bus buddy.

Your bus buddy is Jill and hers is Kathy.

Today though, Felicitas is having a hard time.

It didn’t matter that Wolfsburg had won the game. By her high standards, she had played an awful game and she’s just so tired. She is exhausted and furious at herself.

All she wants is to go back to her apartment and sleep. And maybe cuddle with Cinnamon a bit.

Feli is so out of it that she doesn’t notice Jill nudging you and not too quietly murmuring, ‘Go to her.’

Kathy switches with you easily once she sees you coming towards her.

It doesn’t occur to Feli that you have noticed her change in behaviour and would want to check in on her.

So when you slide into the seat beside her and reach out to hold her hand, she jumps with surprise.

‘I got you.’ You promise and guide her to lean against your shoulder.

Felicitas does so with a breath of relief.

When you carefully kiss her cheek and pull her even closer, Feli thinks that everything is going to be okay.

******

You’re more affectionate with her than ever and Feli loves it.

She loves how comfortable you are around her now, from holding her hand on team walks to cuddling with her on her couch.

Now, having traveled back to North London, for the Champions League, Feli is especially glad you’re letting your walls down.

She knows it would be hard for you to be back in your old home so she wants to be there for you, as best as she can.

Svenja had given out the room assignments and you had eagerly pressed a kiss onto Feli’s cheek when you found out she would be with you.

‘Hi roomie.’ You’d teased and she had held out her hand to you.

‘Hello.’ Feli murmurs, smiling when you take her hand.

As she follows you into the elevator, she makes a mental note to thank her captain.

******

You’re so excited to be back in North London. You’ve missed the city and your friends.

You’re even more excited to take Felicitas to your favourite cafe.

She loves coffee more than anyone you have ever known and you hope that she likes the coffee there.

Unfortunately that has to wait till after the game. You will have a chance to do that tomorrow, before you fly back to Germany.

First you have to play and hopefully win against your former team.

But for now, you’re content to watch Feli get ready for bed.

Felicitas who looks so cute with her glasses on.

So you tell her that and she blushes, making you laugh.

******

Feli squeezes your hand in hers as you line up in the tunnel. The Arsenal players aren’t here yet so the defender takes a moment to check on you.

‘You okay?’ She asks and you nod, wrapping your arms around her waist and burying your face into her neck.

You take a deep breath in and Felicitas rubs your back soothingly.

She smells nice and you allow her to calm you down.

Feli places a brief kiss onto your forehead and then steps back as the Arsenal players join your team in the tunnel.

‘Lia!’

The Swiss player hugs you immediately. Lia’s eyes meet Feli’s and she mouths, ‘Thank you.’

******

Your game ends as a draw.

As you go around shaking hands and sharing hugs with your former teammates, there’s a lot of laughter.

But when you’ve made your rounds, you’re back at Feli’s side, slipping your hand into hers as she walks back towards the tunnel.

Feli looks at you in surprise.

‘Don’t you want to spend time with your old teammates?’

‘I have.’ You answer but Felicitas squeezes your hand.

‘Don’t you want to spend more time with them?’

‘Nope. I want to spend time with you now.’

‘Oh.’ Felicitas’ cheeks turn a bright pink and she brings your joined hands up to her lips so that she can kiss the back of your palm.

If Lia or your ex sees the short moment, they don’t say anything.

If your ex-girlfriend glances at Lia, the Swiss woman’s only response is to shrug as if to say, ‘You’ve lost her.’

******

‘To go or having here?’ The barista asks.

Feli eyes you in question and you say, ‘To go please.’

As you wait for your coffees to be ready, you explain, ‘There’s somewhere I want you to see. It meant a lot to me when I was growing up here.’

Felicitas simply holds your hand and smiles at you reassuringly in answer.

When you leave the cafe, she deposits your joined hands in her jacket pocket for warmth. In doing so, she catches the expression of complete adoration on your face and feels the familiar butterflies in her stomach flutter around.

‘How’s your coffee?’ You ask, as you lead her down the street.

Feli grins, ‘It’s good. I understand why this is your favourite coffee.’

‘It isn’t anymore.’ You whisper.

‘It isn’t?’

‘Yours is.’

Felicitas visibly tries and fails to fight back her smile.

‘It’s the cinnamon I put inside isn’t it? I told you it would grow on you.’

‘You were right.’ You admit and Feli laughs. Her thumb brushes over the back of your hand and you duck your head to hide the way your cheeks burn.

‘Come on. We’re almost there.’

‘Okay.’ Feli murmurs.

******

It’s only a short walk from there and it’s spent in comfortable silence.

When you reach a small side street, you gently tug Felicitas with you, into a park just beside it.

‘It’s beautiful here.’ Feli quietly says.

‘It is. But you should see it in the summer. There’s so many flowers then.’

You and Feli sit down beside each other on the bench. You rest your head on her shoulder and Felicitas exhales.

She finishes her cup of coffee and then sets it aside.

‘Why’d you bring me here? Not that I don’t want to spend time with you but why?’

Sitting up properly, you look at Feli for a long moment.

Her eyes are so pretty you think.

Gingerly, you reach out to trace the contours of her jaw. Felicitas melts, leaning into your touch.

Very very slowly, you begin to close the gap.

Feli catches on immediately and she gently stops you.

Your eyes widen with hurt and you pull away, making the German player rush to stop you.

‘Liebling I want this. I really really do. I just need to make sure that it’s what you want too.’ She softly says.

‘Felicitas…’

Feli tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. It’s an infinitely sweet gesture that has your breath catching.

‘You met your ex-girlfriend last night and I know you’re saying you’re okay but that couldn’t possibly have been easy for you.’

‘It wasn’t. But I am okay Felicitas.’

‘But you-’

‘Feli I don’t care about her. I care about you!’

Felicitas stares at you wordlessly.

‘I never brought her here, I’ve never brought anyone here except for you. This is the park where I first learnt to play football.

Your voice is barely audible when you say, ‘It means the world to me and so do you Felicitas.’

This time, when you try to kiss her, Feli doesn’t stop you. She meets you halfway instead.

Dutch Translation:

schat - darling

German Translation:

liebling - love

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sadbenedict · 3 months

Text

common questions about Au

received a lot of questions from @chokehoe /thank you very much :D/ to make it more interesting, I've made it into a topic, and I've made some sketches! hope you enjoy!

So for your au where gojo locks geto in his basement, dose geto hate gojo now? Like I can imagine and understand why because he locked him away in basement, but I need to know.

This is a question I've answered before /You can search the hashtag, I could write more about it there/

He takes offence to it, of course, I don't think anyone would like someone locking you up. He still has love, Satoru is not a stranger to him after all, but there will be resentment. I think by the time Yuji shows up, their relationship will be very strained

Also does suguru use Yuji to get himself out? I feel bad for Yuji if so because then he’s gonna be stuck in the middle of that whole fiasco

I think he might take advantage of Yuji's kindness /oh yeah, manipulative Geto/ I think he'll want to get Yuji to take something from Satoru's room / and Yuji will have doubts about Gojo's mental stability/ If Satoru spots him, it's gonna be really creepy….

Was gojo just going to keep suguru locked in his basement forever, or did he have some other plan like suguru becoming a teacher?

I don't think he has any plan since he did it all on emotion. And I don't think Satoru will let him go anywhere now. Maybe he'll try to re-educate him /or maybe he's just calming himself down with these thoughts of re-educating/

Dose suguru have a plan for what he’s going to do if he does get out. Are nanako and mimiko ok in this one?

I think Suguru is just thinking about escaping right now. But even if he does, Satoru can easily find him by scent, will he have enough time to go somewhere before Satoru realises he's escaped? And if he is caught, will Satoru become even more insane? Suguru could also end his life if he realises that he has no other choice /I don't miss that thought/.

Nanako and Mimiko gone and are doing the same things they do in canon

Does anyone else know he’s down there, either by gojo telling them or by finding out by accident?

So far, only Shoko and Yuji know. I'll mention that the action takes place after the alley when Satoru "ki-lled" Suguru. Shoko knows because she healed Suguru /yeah, glued his arm on, that's just how I want it to be/. I think Shoko accepted since Satoru probably scared her, and she doesn't want to lose Suguru. But she probably wasn't surprised by Satoru's decision. To put it shortly

Maybe Megumi and Nobara will start to suspect something if Yuji !accidentally! says something XD like

Yuji: ...haha, yeah, like that strange guy in sensei's basement. Meg/Nob: what

Yuji: what

Also, I can’t stop imagining if the basement was the laundry and gojo & suguru are having some deep conversation and all you hear is the washing machine going in the background.

omg it's interesting! I pictured this place as where Gojo dragged Yuji to. Because, in theory, it could have held Suguru. But maybe then he moved it to another location, as you suggested, or converted this basement into a more habitable space. That's how I imagine this

/the room is quite small, I drew it like this for easy reference/

Has megumi or tsumuki walked into the basement because they needed something and just found suguru there and just didn’t know what to do so they just walked out, or do they not know? I feel like it would be funny but also creepy if they found suguru there because like the laundry used to be down there or something

Oh, this is gonna be really creepy XD I actually like this idea!

I think they'll get very scared and Megumi will probably encourage Nobaru not to ask Gojo since he heard from him about his ex-friend /understood from Gojo's description/ Since it's very strange and creepy, so better not to trigger Satoru

Why was gojos first thought to lock suguru in a basement in the first place?

I think he just realised that Suguru wouldn't be around him normally. And yeah, and he was determined to kill him.

Again, he did everything on emotion and from a selfish point of view. Also, I think he was just tired and just wanted to be around him all the time

@tug-tries-to-draw @morgraythedark @ediblespider @dreamhusbando @myssteriouss-wanderrerr you had similar questions, so I hope you find the answers here! If there are any more, I'll be happy to answer them! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝

#au #basement au #jjk #jujutsu kaisen fanart #jujutsu kaisen #jjk jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu geto #jujutsu itadori #suguru geto #jjk geto #geto suguru #jjk suguru #jujutsu kaisen suguru #art #digital #digital art #fanart

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yandere-sins · 1 year

Text

Happy Valentine’s, my Love

a/n: Happy Valentine’s guys! I hope you have a lovely day, regardless of the purpose of the holiday or if you’re celebrating it. Remember that if there’s nothing else to love, we can still love Yandere (;

Warning: Yandere, Detailed Violence/Gore, Long Post, Abuse mention

Valentine's Day has never been your favorite celebration of the year.

When you were single, it showed you just how alone you were as you passed by happy, kissing couples on the streets. Halloween, Christmas, and birthdays—those were all festivities shared with family and friends, so you enjoyed them as long as they kept your mind off things. When you finally got your first boyfriend, you thought that for sure, Valentine's would be enjoyable from now on too.

But you were wrong.

You loved him. You would have sworn to anyone doubting you that you loved that cruel bastard of a man who didn't care about your poor, desperate heart, pleading to be loved by him. Being with him broke you, and latest when Valentine's Day came around, and he decided to go out with his friends rather than stay with you, you realized he didn't feel as strongly about you as you did about him. Leaving him was the best and worst decision of your whole life. Best, because you knew you'd be able to move on, find someone to appreciate you. Someone normal, someone kind.

Worst because that scumbag wouldn't let you leave him so easily.

There was no detail you spared your boyfriend when you told him about your ex. You showed him the scars, the panic in your eyes, the restraining order, and every police report that came after. You wanted him to know. Everything. Without knowing your past, you couldn't imagine a future for you two. Though it may have been early in your relationship, you needed to know if there would be another lonely or, perhaps, a warm Valentine's Day awaiting you with this man you decided to trust. You finally had your answer when he held you as you cried, rubbed your back, and comforted you. He was the right one. He was kind and he was normal, accepting and understanding of everything about you.

So, how could it be that on Valentine's Day, you heaved yet another long sigh as you lowered your phone, still no reply from your boyfriend about when he was going to be home? There was no excuse like 'working late' or 'stopping to get dinner' when he had been off for the last five hours, and you had already cooked and set the table. Nothing could have been more important on a Tuesday evening than to get home to his beloved partner waiting for him. You couldn't think of any other excuses to make except for…

He forgot.

Maybe you were being childish. Disillusioned by TV and social media, romance books and games, that someone could actually exist who'd care. Care about you, your feelings, and this stupid couple's holiday. You didn't need someone who'd take you out on a unique, fancy date just because capitalism forced him to. You didn't even want presents or your partner being overly excited about a home-cooked meal and some sexy lingerie for dessert. Honestly, you two could have celebrated on any given day that you were in love and happy with each other. You just wanted someone to care.

There were a hundred things you could think of that you two could be doing, even if some made you slightly less comfortable than others. Your boyfriend had some interesting hobbies, like taking you out to the woods for a weekend, a secret cabin where it would only be you two and his camera that would constantly go off to capture pictures of you. He liked to practice tying knots and bought you two all kinds of sensual toys, including blindfolds and gags. Occasionally, you enjoyed the new activities too. Still, you felt like you'd never enjoy them quite as much as your boyfriend did, no matter how much fun you had. It made him happy first and foremost, so you tried to indulge him, knowing he would do the same for you. If anything, he had always been exactly what you wanted—kind, caring, affectionate, and a great cook. The bar wasn't high after what your ex did, but your boyfriend lifted it higher than you ever thought he could.

Which was why it was so strange he forgot this day, despite it being so important on your healing journey.

He usually was the one to always remember important dates or where you put your things whenever you happened to be forgetful. He took care of you when you were sick, saying things like, "I will always make sure you're happy and loved, Darling." His attitude and efforts made you look the other way whenever he asked you to pose for his camera or trust him when he booked another weird place for a weekend trip. You didn't enjoy these things as much as he did, but knowing he's been doing them since childhood, you couldn't deny him that little bit of freedom when he changed his life to accommodate you in return.

You wanted to be angry about him not showing up, knowing it meant the world to you, but if you were honest, you were just disappointed. Maybe you had put too many of your problems onto him. Perhaps he was tired of taking care of you all the time. Maybe this wasn't the right relationship either, no matter how much you wanted it to be. Mistakes were made before, and this could have been one of them.

Your train of thought was harshly interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, your head snapping around as you stared at your boyfriend wide-eyed and surprised as he giddily stepped inside, holding multiple bags of renowned stores you liked to shop in, grinning like he always did when seeing you.

"Sorry for not replying earlier! I was preoccupied."

Pushing off his shoes and hanging up his coat, he spoke nonchalantly as if your inner tumult didn't face him. Which, to be fair, you didn't even know if he was aware of. The bags in his hand were clearly apology gifts that he could shove wherever. Now you did feel angry, but when your boyfriend finally stepped into the kitchen, lifting his nose in the air and humming blissfully, you almost felt bad, seeing how innocent he looked, unaware of your anger.

"I wish I could have gotten back earlier, but I needed to take care of something," he called out from the kitchen sink, rinsing his hands dutifully. He was a bit of a goofball, wiping his wet hands on his shirt before sliding over to you on his socks, grinning from ear to ear as he met your gaze. You loved his playful ways, the tenderness of always searching for your no matter what. It was either eye contact or holding hands in public; your boyfriend never too shy to show you were with him.

"I know what you're thinking, but I didn't forget," he chuckled, scratching his cheek nervously after he noticed your furrowed brows. Moving around the couch you were sitting on, he took a seat right next to you, knees touching as he reached for your hand that you didn't pull away, even if just to see what he'd do. "I just wanted to make this the most special Valentine's ever."

Glancing at his fingers, your eyes got stuck at the red paint around the rim of where his nails met his skin, and you raised an eyebrow, replying, "Okay…?"

Did he make you a card? Painted a picture? Maybe he decorated a cake… You wanted to be pessimistic, given how he had already wasted most of the day being tardy. However, the promise of him actually going through the trouble of making you something from scratch was already more effort than you could have expected from him.

"Every day, you make me so happy," your boyfriend started, a doe-eyed look on his face as he gently massaged your hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss it reverently, his breath tingling against your skin. "Allowing me to love you is the greatest gift you could have ever made me. Just waking up every morning knowing I have you to cherish gives me the strength to overcome any hurdle in my life. I only need food, water, and you to survive my days with no regrets and no ill feelings. That's how much you changed me."

Planting some more kisses on the back of your hand, your boyfriend looked back up at you, grinning one of his beautiful, sunny smiles that you loved so much, his dimples making him look like he was out of a movie rather than the man you called your boyfriend. Hearing his confession made your anger evaporate, tears brimming your eyes that he quickly wiped away with his thumb. "Don't cry yet, I'm not finished, and you know I can't hold back when you cry."

You both laughed off the awkwardness and the stuffy noses as you took some deep breaths, gathering your composure as best as possible. "I wouldn't want to miss you ever," he sighed blissfully, his gaze piercing right into your soul, laying the words there like bandages around your scarred heart. "You're my light, and I love you more than humanly possible. I want that, exactly this here, right now, forever."

Pulling his hand away from caressing your cheek, he fumbled with the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a little red box shaped like a heart. Your breath hitched as you put your hand over your mouth to not let it hang wide open, surprised as your boyfriend opened the lid to reveal a beautiful ring that undoubtedly would have your size. "Will you do me the honor of marrying me?" he asked, fingertips brushing over the velvet outline of the ring box nervously. And you…

Hesitated.

A part of you wanted nothing more than to say yes, throw your arms around him, kiss him, let him put the ring on your finger, and call you by his last name. But then the thoughts you had before your boyfriend came home returned to your mind, and suddenly, doubts flooded you. You always thought he was the one to make you happy. The one to start a family with even. You were okay with his strange obsession with his hobbies, and he did his best to support you and make you feel loved daily. Why did you doubt him just because he was a little late on Valentine's Day? It was such a silly idea after the heartfelt confession he just made, wanting you to know all the ways he felt about you.

Strangely enough, your eyes fell to his fingernails again, the red rims and dirt under the nail. Your boyfriend was very careful about his looks. It was strange that he didn't take the time to make himself look prim and proper for something as important as a proposal. He always obsessed about looking presentable to you whenever he was out with you. Even when he swore you were beautiful no matter what, he always put in the extra effort for himself.

"I…" you mumbled, your sentence coming to a choked stop as if invisible hands were trying to stop you from speaking and squeezing the air out of your lungs. The sparkle in your boyfriend's eyes faded as he noticed your hesitation, an expression of hurt crossing over his face even though he tried to hide it behind a smile.

"I'm sorry, was that too rash? I mean, we never discussed it. I just thought today would be a good day, and… Wow, I… This is awkward."

Putting the ring away, he scratched the back of his head, turning from you. You wanted to reach out, console him, tell him he didn't do anything wrong, but as you watched his expression turn from hurt to bitter, you instead hugged your own body, leaning away from him. Next you knew, he was up, pacing back and forth behind the couch, muttering mixes of justifications and excuses.

"You said yes to your ex. I thought I could erase the Valentine's trauma if I did the same. I don't really know why I thought you'd say yes... We're still in our early stages, right? Gosh, I'm dumb sometimes! Just ignore I asked. It made sense to me when I saw the ring and thought of you, but I should have consulted you beforehand. It's not even that pretty. It's not good enough for you. You deserve a better ring, bigger and a lot more expensive than this little thing. They said it's a real diamond, but I'm not so sure. Am I making it worse? Please say no, this is already too embarrassing! We can't tell anyone I was so stupid to think you'd want to marry me."

Suddenly, your boyfriend stopped, looking at you. His breathing seemed to halt as he stared into your eyes with an unnerving, emotionless gaze. "You love me, though, right?"

Blinking at him, you couldn't quite follow his tirade of sentences, but you gave a slow nod, his expression changing instantly. "Phew! Lucky me! Here I thought I ruined it." The tension that had stopped him in his tracks flowed out of him, muscles relaxing, lips curling back into a smile.

Coming back to the couch, he took his place next to you, reaching for your hand to take into his, resting it on top of his thigh. For a moment, he stayed like this, brushing his thumb back and forth over the back of your hand as he smiled upon it thoughtfully. "This was a mistake, but I wouldn't be able to bear it if you'd hate me now. Can you tell me why it's a no?"

Looking up at you, you couldn't help but avert your gaze after catching his, seeing his kindness and patience that swirled with his love for you in it. He was always like that, understanding and accepting no matter what you did. How could you possibly confess to him that it was because you had a bad feeling about how he acted on Valentine's Day? That would make you look like an absolute idiot, wouldn't it? Rejecting him for being late?

"It's just… a little too early," you stammered, making apparent excuses. Eleven months may have been a bit quick, but you two had a lovely relationship so far. "I see…" he mumbled. His head fell back as he let out a loud laugh, squeezing your hand tightly as if he feared losing his hold. "And here I thought it was because of your ex."

"Why do you keep bringing him up?" you asked, a ping of irritation going through you at the constant reminder.

"Well, you brought up marriage much earlier with him, but you never talked about it with me."

Odd, you thought, not remembering giving him that detail. You were sure you mentioned you thought your ex was the one you'd marry, but this seemed like a knowledge that you didn't think you told him about.

"I… maybe?" you mumbled, unsure if this had actually happened since you avoided letting your memories resurface.

"Yeah, so I thought maybe I wasn't good enough for you. Maybe you still like your ex more than me. That's why you never brought up marriage. Don't tell me you actually still feel for that bastard?"

His words were throat-cutting sharp as he spit them out, his eyes fixating tensely on you as if to warn you not to say the wrong thing. "Of course not…" you mumbled, appalled at your boyfriend's thoughts. "You know I'm with you now. I rarely ever think of that guy…"

"Good… good," he mumbled, features softening as he looked forward, brushing his thumb over your hand again as he stared into nothingness thoughtfully. "It would be hard to piece him together again if you changed your mind."

"What?" you mumbled, cocking your head and furrowing your brows, waiting for your boyfriend to explain what he meant with his strange choice of words.

Sitting up straight, your boyfriend stopped tracing over the back of your hand, taking a deep breath instead. Rolling his head to face you, he forced a smile on his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Somehow, I knew," he sighed, a hint of regret decorating his features. "I knew you wouldn't say yes."

"I couldn't pinpoint it. It was just a feeling I had as I drove home today. It got me thinking of reasons why you would reject my proposal. I kept driving up and down the street, too nervous to just come in and ask you; that's why I was so late. Because at one turn, I ended up on your ex's street, passing by his house, and I stopped the car. I felt like it was his fault that you'd reject me, and I looked through his window, and there he was, cuddling with some girl that didn't look like you at all. Probably a whore. That's the best that scumbag can do."

He spat the last two sentences as if they disgusted him on your behalf. As if he was angry, your ex wasn't at least miserable about losing you. It seemed sweet, but your boyfriend's actions were scaring you more and more, especially when you tried to pull back your hand, his fingers clutching around your wrist tightly as he kept you right where you were, not giving you a chance to back away until you relented, letting him continue to brush his thumb back and forth over it.

"I knew I couldn't just leave him like that. He hurt you. He hurt you badly, and I wanted him to suffer. I rang the bell, waiting for him to open, but he let the slut get the door for him, that lazy piece of shit. So I wrapped my arm around her neck, pulled her to the kitchen, and slit her throat right in front of his face. And can you believe it? He cried. Like a little baby, as the bitch bled out."

Your blood ran cold as he spun his gruesome tale. You were even more inclined to get away from him as his expression filled with a mix of indifference and hatred. However, he turned towards you, reaching for your arm and pulling you closer to him, no matter how hard he had to jank until you fell into his arms. "I thought about you," he mumbled, eyes shifting back to the affectionate spark you loved being looked at with normally. He smiled as he caressed your skin, full of goosebumps. "I only thought of you as I rammed the knife into his back over and over, not giving him an easy way out while he cried and pleaded for me to stop. But I didn't. Not until he collapsed, gurgling. That's when I decided it would be the best gift for you, and I hope you'll like it."

Finally, your boyfriend took his hands away, fluttering touches turning into nothingness as he got up. He was eerily calm, not chipper like usual, and not bothered by what he just told you. He stepped around the couch, touching your shoulder as he passed you by, chuckling to himself about the good thing he did while you tried to comprehend the shock you were feeling, disgust and panic not yet having set in.

"I got you other presents too, but nothing as good as this one," he explained, and you heard the bags rustling behind your back, sending another shiver down your spine. How ironic, you thought, realizing he did make you something homemade for Valentine's. It made a splashing sound as he pulled it out of the bag, and it explained the red stains on his fingers, but it was neither a card, a picture, nor a cake.

You opened your mouth to scream as your boyfriend slipped the severed head of your ex wrapped in multiple layers of saran wrap into your lap, an anguished expression of pain forever chiseled into the features of the man you once loved. He had never been a good lover to you, but you were pretty sure he didn't deserve this.

Before a single, horrified scream could rip out of your throat, your boyfriend's hand came down to rest over your mouth, pressing around your lips so nothing but muffled sounds could escape you. "I took care of it. No need to get upset now, Babe," he mumbled, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. "He can never hurt you again, and when we do decide to marry, no one will be in our way," he assured you.

And you believed him.

"Because if anyone else tries, I'll take care of them too," he added, and you could hear the smirk on his lips, an expression so mad you didn't even want to see it crossing his face.

"I won't let anyone come between you and me. Not now, and not ever, Baby. Happy Valentine's Day, my Love."

#yandere #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere scenarios #yandere fanfiction #yandere writing #yandere stories #yandere oneshots #yandere oneshot #yandere drabble #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #Yandere TW #OW

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tarot-archives · 12 days

Text

hands. hands. and more hands. —Simon Riley

fluff | comforting simon and scolding him

Simon always had calluses, even before enlisting. His hands were etched on the butcher knife from frequent use. To the point that even the owner had to buy a new one for himself. The handle fits perfectly, with deep engravings of his print, and thick calluses pressing on its body to reshape the figure.

Now, Simon had returned home from training. His hands, were more worn than before, with scars and burns painting on the canvas of his skin. He didn’t have anyone to take care of him after all. No one to scold him for the mud caking under his nails. No one to swipe his hands away if he hadn’t washed them before eating.

Bottles of hand cream on your nightstand take twice as long to finish since he was shipped out too.

But he’s here now. The bed dips, it’s no longer a place fit for two. He’s grown bulky, more lean than fat, his back straight after months of corrective training. You wonder about the history of his scars so you asked.

“This one was from doing push-ups,” he proudly said.

“Just push-ups?” you were disturbed that push-ups can leave serious scars. “why is it on your knuckles then?”

“Had to do them against the gravel. Under the heat of the bloody sun,” Simon thumbs over the discoloration on his skin. “It was hot enough to cook an egg and burn through skin. Even had those hard pebbles that push up the bone.”

You grimaced, “the bone?”

Simon looks down at you, then snickers, “almost, but not yet. No.” He lies more easily now. Gentlemen know not to burden a woman’s heart. Especially his best friend.

You sighed in relief. Your fingers now brushing over his palms. The question, tipping itself over the edge of your tongue, as you hesitate to ask. But Simon knows you enough not to wait for a verbal query.

“These ones were from the rope,” he turns his hands to face you. Thick skin on his fingers, especially on his thumb. All of the digits are dry and in need of a deep clean. He looks down at your furrowed eyes and disappointed glare.

You opened your mouth, then closed it. You didn’t want to make a fuss about it since Simon was the strongest person you ever met, but how could you make him understand your thoughts. That you are mad about his lack of self-care. That his hands found home at the barrel of the gun instead of a knife. Both items share the same violence. Both professions are bloody and messy. Both his choices were out of necessity for his family.

Simon doesn’t speak as he lets you feel his rough skin. Your digits travel in between his fingers, over his knuckles, finding a new reason to be more worried than the last. But as you were about to lift your hands away, he entwines his hands in yours.

He made sure you won’t run as he says: “There’s no reason to worry.”

You shake your head in disapproval, “How could I not?” Your voice cracked. Warmth spread to your cheeks at your choking defeat. “What would you do if your best friend always put themselves in danger?”

“Save them from dumb decisions,” Simon answers.

“But I’m not at the battlefield,” you gripped his hand harshly as an outlet of your frustration. “what can I do when you’re halfway around the world. And it would be months before I can hear again from you.”

Despite your strength, it was nothing to him. He had experienced the butt of a rifle lodged into his hand as punishment. Your hold wasn’t a means for pain, but a way for you to deliver the words you left unsaid. So he returns the gesture, thumbing your skin in small circles, speaking in the language you spoke— the love language of touch.

So you lean into him, understanding the silence and his affection. Realizing that his hands weren’t always a place of violence. It was your safe space, before the blood and the gore.

He held your hands when you were anxious during preschool. He held your hands to keep you by his side amongst the busy street. He held your freezing hands when you left your mittens at home. And in more sacred moments when his lips touched a cut to heal it faster….

It was never about fixing him up. It was always about taking care of your best friend. All homes, when not properly maintained, tend to ruin quickly compared to others. And taking care of Simon was your way of making do or returning his kindness.

“I need you to take care of yourself more,” you ordered.

“yes, ma’am.”

“you can’t keep coming back here expecting a manicure.”

“Of course,” he brushed away your gentle reminders. His arms pull you into a hug, purposely tipping you over to fall towards him. Simon was never the kind to fuss over the weight of your body over his. His heart welcomed you, accepting you as a part of him and all the burden you carry.

#simon ‘ghost’ riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ‘ghost’ riley x you #ghost x you #ghost x y/n #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x you #fluff #cod x reader

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cerise-on-top · 5 months

Note

Could you write hcs for Nikolai and price with a shy s/o pls & ty

Yeah, of course! Though, I think reader is a bit more anxious than shy in this one, but what is shyness if not anxiety regarding social situations that isn't debilitating? Thanks for requesting!

Price and Nikolai with a Shy!Reader

Price: While I do believe that he thinks shy people aren’t his type, valuing someone who can stand up for themselves, speak their mind and aren’t afraid to be a bit more honest than they maybe should be, the heart chooses who it chooses. He values open and honest communication with his partner more than anything else, but when it seems like you can’t talk to him, no matter how much time he gives you, he rethinks his strategies. Since being stern with you only seems to make you more nervous, more apprehensive, he’d opt for being more gentle, always asking your honest opinion. He might ask further questions, though, if he thinks that the answer he received from you is a bit too short or barely, if at all, reflects what you’re likely thinking and you simply don’t want to hurt his feelings. Sure, he may be a natural leader, so having someone agree with you for once feels good, but having someone give you a piece of their mind, giving you a different point of view so you can see the faults and flaws in your plans, is essential for good workmanship. Price values you and your input, if he has to coax you into giving him a longer, more subjective answer, then he will. A relationship can only really work if both parties are trying to keep it upright in a healthy manner.

While he’ll try to get you to open up in any gentle way he can think of, if the two of you are on an outing, then he’ll speak to the other party for you if you really can’t reply. Price is a good speaker, he knows which words are appropriate in which situation. With his confidence as well, he can cover most conversations for you. However, I can see him trying to make you a part of it anyway, regardless of whether you’re talking to your friend or his working colleague. Being included in a conversation can feel nice, after all. Besides, it might help you in getting out of your shell a bit. Despite absolutely hating making decisions for you, if you really can’t decide on something small, such as which burger to get or whether or not you should buy that lovely sweater, he’ll take the burden off of you if there are people around. But on bigger things that have a greater impact on your life he’ll simply consult you, give you all the potential outcomes he can think of and which effect they may have. It’s not his place to take your life into his hands like that.

Shyness can stem from insecurities, and he can tell when you’re not happy with yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re beating yourself up over having said something stupid in a conversation earlier that day or if you think you’re not worth listening to or having around, he’ll reassure you that it’s quite alright. Hell, if you’re willing to listen to him, he’s more than happy to tell you an anecdote or two about how he has slipped up when talking to his superiors. It happens to anyone, and by tomorrow that person probably won’t even remember what you said anyway. Unless he had trouble following you or didn’t understand what you meant clearly, Price won’t call you out on not having made complete sense either since he knows you might not take kindly to it, but he’d never make fun of you for misspelling any word, mixing things up or, well, not making sense. Sure, severe misinformation he will correct you on if it can greatly impact something, but not if you have a hard time speaking with correct grammar or pronouncing words perfectly.

Nikolai: Nikolai has met so many people in his life, he can get along just fine with just about anyone, especially because of his relaxed mannerisms. You being shy really isn’t a turn off at all, it can make for amusing scenarios at times. If you get flustered easily he’ll have a field day with that. You start stuttering? You blush? Say some nonsense while your mind is going haywire? That’s so adorable. While he’ll try to not overdo it and keep you comfortable, he does want to have his fun from time to time. If you don’t want to voice your opinion, that’s fine, but he will always ask you for your input. Even if you’re not a fan of saying anything with other people around, if it’s just the two of you, and you’re more willing to talk that way, then he’ll whisk you away. You don’t wanna say what you think in fear of him judging you? He will tell you that it’s alright, regardless of what it is, because truth be told, he’s probably heard far worse things than your opinion on the borschtsch he made. He’s observant enough to know when you’re lying to him in order to not make him mad, but won’t continuously poke and prod at you to have you spill the beans eventually. He’ll ask again once, but if you still won’t budge, then he won’t force anything out of you.

Because of him leading a private military company, he also knows a thing or two about how to engage in a conversation and keep it going for a while. If you want to say something, then you’re more than welcome to do so, but he knows that a shut mouth catches no flies. Yes, he might ask you a thing or two that he might not immediately remember off the top of his head, but if you don’t wanna come out of your shell then he won’t force you to. If you do wanna be more open, however, then it’s different. In that case, he’ll try to include you in the conversations that aren’t too taxing and give you some practice on being more open and social. Like Price, however, he won’t make every decision for you. He doesn’t have the time for that, plus you have enough autonomy like that. However, he is more than happy to call the pizza place you usually order from or tell the waiter at the restaurant what you’d like, that’s not a problem in his eyes. If you find yourself growing increasingly uncomfortable in a situation, Nikolai will get you out of there. He’s just as good at making any conversation end on a pretty good note.

If your shyness stems from insecurities then he, too, will reassure you that you didn’t mess up that badly. No one ever listened to what you had to say? Unless you’re both starting to talk at the same time, he won’t ever interrupt you, giving you his full attention instead. What you say doesn’t make any sense? Mixed up some information? Nikolai might chuckle a bit if you say something along the lines of monkeys liking bananas because they’re both yellow, he’ll gently correct you too, but he won’t be mean about it. Not everyone can remember everything all the time, he forgets things too. Besides, it’s not like he cares all that much. Sure, you said some nonsense, but he can also assure you that he’s heard far worse things. Can and will tell you some anecdotes about what he’s been told as well, there are quite a lot. If you don’t take too kindly to him smiling about something nonsensical, he’ll apologize. Trust me, if you’re upset, he’ll know immediately.

#cod #cod x reader #john price x reader #price x reader #john price #cod nikolai #cod nikolai x reader #i still remember when my mother used to call me an “extremely shy person”#the first time I went to therapy the therapist told my mother and me that it sounded more like pretty bad social anxiety #I still think about that from time to time #so this is sort of based on my experiences with potential social anxiety #because apparently freezing up in fear when talking to a stern stranger apparently isn't normal #though in hindsight I talked to someone who wasn't stern or mean either and I sort of froze up as well #well c'est la vie I suppose

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taylorswift-imagines · 5 months

Text

She pranks you

Nearly every day of your life, there was always someone there for you to prank and the last victim was your girlfriend, Taylor Swift.

You should’ve known just how willing she was to have returned the favor, doing it in a way that made you both feel horrible. While Taylor spent her day at the studios, you spent yours at home working on that essay for your college course. Taylor didn’t just spend a day at the studio only focusing on her music, she was also focused on coming up with a way on how to prank you back after the last prank you pulled on her.

It was a harmless prank, all it involved was you and a piece of scotch tape placed on the hose of the kitchen sink. When Taylor got up in the middle of the night for a drink, that was when the prank was executed and Taylor wasn’t too happy about it afterwards. Taylor had another long day ahead of her, so of course she wasn’t going to be happy of the fact you pranked her yet again. She didn’t find it amusing as much as you did, if not at all. The idea Taylor had come up with as a way to prank you was to delete your saved essay on the computer and make it up to you in the end. Just as she expected, you were right where she had left you, layer back on the couch with your feet resting on the arm of the couch, laptop in your lap as you were typing away. Taylor smiles as you spare a second glance at her from your screen.

“Hey Tay..” you greet, just before jumping off the couch for the bathroom.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“The bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

But Taylor doesn’t let you leave the room without giving you a hug and sets her plan into action after hearing the bathroom door shut.

However, Taylor makes a last minute decision to livestream this prank. Turning on the livestream, Taylor begins to fill in her audience on how it’s going to work.

“Alright guys, I’m about to prank my gif by deleting her essay. I don’t plan on saving any of it, but I have a way of making it up to her in the end so don’t worry.”

After explaining, Taylor highlights your essay before hitting the back button as it disappears and does the same to rest you have saved right as you come out of the bathroom. It wasn’t until you sit back down and get ready to type some more did you realize it was no longer there, you begin to panic. You were devastated and wanted to cry, but as soon as she admitted to it is when you allow the tears to sleep as you begin to ask her why. Tears continue to fall, making her feel more guilty than she already was in that moment.

Taylor begins to apologize.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n). I was trying to prank you back.”

“Couldn’t you have done it in a different way?” you sniffled.

“Yes, but I didn’t. I’m very sorry.”

“That’s not going to bring it back if you have deleted all of my savings!”

“Well, I’ll make it up to you.”

“How?”

You had never been this angry towards anyone, and you hated that it’s directed towards Taylor. But at the same time, you were understandably upset.

You were too upset to even care anymore.

“Well, I know a site where you can pay someone to do write your essay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, let me show you.”

Taylor was right, but even though you were still getting your essay done, and more easily, you still weren’t happy about the way she had pranked you and started thinking of ways you could get her back for it.

You spent all the next day thinking of a way to get her back for this.

Payback is a bitch after all.

***

@taylor-loves-you

#taylor swift imagines #taylor swift imagine #taylor swift x reader #taylor swift x fem!reader #taylor swift #the eras tour #tour #requested #request #requests

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sassytheturtle · 1 year

Text

Thinking about how we’ve never once seen Hunter fighting at full strength and power in toh.

You need to remember this dude has been trained his entire life to serve as an elite soldier under the emperor. Belos wouldn’t have made him his right hand man and eventual coven head after Lilith left if he wasn’t capable of handling himself, anyone who might seek to harm the emperor or anyone else of importance, dangerous monsters and demons, and capturing powerful wild witches.

I mean, think about all the specifics of his job and training that he’s mentioned. He had to have been really freaking tough and talented to have been able to make it through all that.

And we never once get to see what he’s truly capable of.

In Seperate Tides, Hunter doesn’t see Luz or Eda as any sort of threat. He knows they’re both powerless. He’s clearly relaxed and toying with them. He’s confident that he has the upper hand and isn’t worrying about having to handle a couple of troublesome criminals.

Hunting Palismen takes place late at night. He was expecting this to be a quick and easy in and out mission. It’s understandable that he would be tired this late. And again, you have to remember that he still doesn’t view Luz as any sort of threat. He’s annoyed by her and gets caught off guard because he wasn’t expecting her to be any sort of challenge to handle.

Plus he was just in a crash and doesn’t even have his staff the majority of the episode, but is still able to easily keep up with Luz. And he willingly goes along with her afterwards so that he can get the palismen quicker and then dispose of Luz.

By the time he fights Kiki, he’s been running around all night and clearly just wants this mission to be over with. Kiki has been shown to be a pretty powerful person fighting wise, and even though she’s barely conscious, Hunter bests her fairly quickly. It wasn’t something that was really that hard for him.

Then comes to Eclipse Lake. By the time he and Amity fight, he’s exhausted, just had a mental breakdown, and fighting on an unfamiliar staff. Mental breakdowns like this leave people feeling super drained and burnt out, but he still gives Amity a pretty good run for her money.

I believe he would have easily won if not for the events in the episode leading up to the fight. I mean, he was literally just involved in a mine cart chase before he got to the lake.

In Any Sport in a Storm, other characters clearly point out the fact that he’s very talented at what he does. But he doesn’t exert full effort. He’s trying to recruit teens and play a sport.

In Labyrinth Runners, he’s dealing with the impacts and trauma from Hollow Mind. This dude has just learned that everything he thought he ever knew was a complete lie. He knows the man he once saw as his uncle wants him dead. He’s terrified. All he ever had to do before was follow orders, but now it’s up to him to make decisions and he has no idea what to do, where to go, or who to turn to. All he knows is that he has to stay as far away from Belos as possible.

All of this is clearly mentally and physically draining him. But even at this weak point, he’s able to push through and get to Gus when several other scouts and a literal coven head could not.

Again in Clouds On the Horizon, he’s still terrified and dealing with everything that happened. He’s still not in a good head space.

In King’s Tide, he’s been in yet another crash and is being effected by the draining spell. But he’s still able to push through and fight Belos, holding up fairly well, when everyone else with a sigil can barely even move.

It wasn’t even him fighting in Thanks to Them. That was just Belos using his body. But still, an argument can be made. He’s able to push through Belos’s possession after being rusty on fighting and all of his training for literal months. Belos was clearly trying to hurt Hunter when possessing him and didn’t care whether he lived or died. Hunter pushes through in minutes.

When Belos possessed Raine, he didn’t want to hurt them. He needed a body and to sustain Raine as long as he could. Raine has been trapped as a puppet, but they haven’t been conscious for months. If they were freed from puppet form, then they’d still be as used to fighting as before they were enslaved into a dreamless sleep.

Belos even comments on how powerful Raine is, but it still takes them a lot longer to push through his control than Hunter did. They did also have to push through Collector’s, but there’s still a point to be made.

In For the Future, again Hunter is still rusty, in painful grief, having to deal with all of his worst traumas coming back, and now has no magic at all. He figures out he’s able to use it later on, but it’s only ever that one spell.

This brings me back to my main point. In all of these instances, Hunter has either been tired, burnt out, in mental distress, just previously dealing with another physically taxing event, not really trying or having to use effort, rusty from lack of practice, using unfamiliar magic, or a combination of those. I believe that if we ever got to see him fight in his prime—with a staff and magic that he was used to, in a mostly stable emotional state, physically rested or not just previously having to deal with another taxing event, and with all of his training in tact and not out of practice—then we would see just how powerful and terrifying of a foe he could have really been.

#finally caved and got this hellscape of an app #time to flood it with my bs ramblings #toh #owl house #the owl house #golden guard #the golden guard #hunter #toh hunter #owl house hunter #hunter toh #hunter owl house #hunter noceda #hunter deamonne

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comics-and-fanworks · 2 years

Text

ML Career Choice AU

Disclaimer: My problem with ML is with the writers and their decisions, not really any one specific character. Am I salty towards some characters? Yes, but it’s mostly due to how they’re written. Also I am not an Engineer, I don’t know all of the proper terms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marinette is prepared for almost everything, but she was not expecting this. Lila had decided to rub salt into the wound and began lying about her to Gabriel. Adrien (who was frustrated with Marinette’s refusal to take his “high road” advice and upset she’s discovered her backbone) was easily convinced to back up Lila’s claims. He thought that once Marinette learned her lesson, he could convince his father that it was all just a big misunderstanding. What he did not account for was that Gabriel would blacklist Marinette from the fashion industry! Lila of course, bragged to anyone who would listen, but Adrien was going through some mixed emotions. On one hand he was horrified at his father’s over reaction, on the other hand he thought this was surely the thing that would finally convince Marinette to listen to him and go back to being a doormat! He couldn’t understand why Plagg was so upset at him though, everything would work out in the end.

Needless to say Marinette was devastated, and ended up missing a few days of school. Everything she had worked for was gone, and there was nothing she could do to get it back. Her parents tried everything to comfort their daughter, and one day while bringing her something to eat, Tom stepped into one of the traps she’d rigged to protect the Miracle Box. Instead of being angry, Tom and Sabine were amazed. They assumed the trap was meant to keep her classmates out of her room (who had been rejoicing over their daughter’s misery. They saw texts between the kids suggesting they were going to destroy her work), and praised Marinette’s skill and creativity. Tom made a comment as he was being removed from the trap, “You know Mari, you could be an engineer. With your creativity, the sky’s the limit!”

Turns out those were the magic words. Tom and Sabine saw the fire slowly begin to ignite in their daughter’s eyes again, and made a silent promise to do everything they could to make sure at least one of her dreams came true. As time went on they happily bought her books, sent her to talks, and did everything they could to help her learn as much as she could. Coincidentally Ladybug happened to reach out to her about finding ways to akuma-proof structures. Marinette was determined to succeed, and her classmates, Lila, and Adrien would not stop her.

Many years had passed, and Marinette was a highly sought after engineer. She was 25 and had practically redesigned all of Paris by now. She was credited with creating the first akuma-proof buildings, which made dealing with Hawkmoth and his akumas much easier to deal with. Considering Chat Noir would only show up to flirt, and most of the time he didn’t show up at all. Occasionally she still had to deal with Adrien trying to convince her to apologize to Lila for being such a ‘cruel bully.’ He promised that if she did he’d convince his father to either remove her from the blacklist, or secretly hire her. While she still designed for a few loyal clients (like Jagged and Clara) she had no desire to enter fashion. If they’d believe she was the devil based on lies from Adrien, Gabriel, and Lila, then they weren’t worth her time.

One day she gets an angry text from Adrien’s newest number of the week accusing her of exposing Lila. She asks, “What do you mean? I’m in America helping design a new Wayne Enterprises building.” Turns out someone else put two and two together and called out Lila, and everything spiraled from there. What Lila, Adrien, and Gabriel did to her was exposed too, and Gabriel quickly sent Adrien to America to smooth things over with Marinette (he was banking on the fact she used to have a crush on his son). Adrien arrives in Gotham and barges into a café Marinette was spotted at, shouting something along the lines of “Come back Mari I know you love me! Surely you’ll forgive us and come back and help save the company. Engineering isn’t what you’re supposed to do, fashion is!”

What he was not expecting was the confused looks he got from Marinette and the man she was with. While the various Gothamites were recording the drama and announcing to the world that their talented engineer could also design clothes, Marinette just sighed and said,

“Used to love you Adrien. Past tense. I’ve moved onto bigger and better things. I rebuilt most of Paris, I invented akuma-proof materials for building. Gabriel, the man and the company, are the least of my concerns. I won’t forgive you, because I don’t have to, and you’re actions prove to me that I shouldn’t because it shows you haven’t changed.”

The man sitting with her got up to approach Adrien, who proceeded to try and intimidate the dark haired stranger. “Who the hell do you think you are and what have you been telling her?” Adrien yelled at the man. The man with the midnight black hair and blue eyes just smirked at the disgraced model.

“I didn’t tell Little Ms. Magic anything, she’s got a brilliant mind and enough confidence to last two lifetimes, I’m just here to keep her company. Oh by the way, my name’s Jason, Jason Todd Wayne, and I’m her Fiancé.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let me know if there are any problems and feel free use this if you’d like!

#marinette deserves better #marinette dupen chang #minor class salt #lila salt #adrien salt #gabriel salt #tom and sabine sugar #maribat #jasonette

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englishstrawbie · 1 year

Text

Station 19 6x09

Maya being unable to concentrate on her meditation because all she can think about is Carina is relatable.

I’m still processing what we saw of Carina so this might be jumbled at time.

I felt for how nervous she was about turning up at the fire station for the clinic. At the end of the day (and as we saw in Jack and a little bit of Ben), these are Maya’s people. Yes, they like / love Carina too, but Maya is their family. They know enough to be concerned, but I don’t think they know enough about the extent of what is going on in Maya and Carina’s marriage or perhaps even the extent of Maya’s healing process - that would be consistent with what we’ve seen already. So the comment that she almost didn’t walk through the door felt very real.

She is obviously carrying a lot of hurt and anger and resentment at what happened that day at the hospital, so ignoring Maya’s voicemail at first and focussing on her work is understandable. She needs to compartmentalise.

The patient, Pam, was a bit much but in general it was okay. Like Carina said herself, she needed the distraction and the laugh at work today, and that’s what Pam provided. Carina has been carrying so much for so many months that it was nice for her to have the attention and for the conversation to be light and easy and fun. Do I wish that they’d shown us Carina’s answer to being asked out on a date? Yes. I’ve seen some rumblings that Pam is a recurring character, so it makes me a little nervous that we might see her again given how the conversation was left. But do I think that Carina is going to walk away from her marriage and settle down to have a baby with this woman she just met? No.

The more interesting part was the conversation around the fact that Pam had made the decision to have a baby by herself which - let’s face it - is an option I could easily see the writers taking with Carina. She wants a baby more than anything - ouch. More than her marriage? More than Maya healing? It happens, the desire to have a baby is so strong that people walk away from relationships - I’ve seen it in real life.

“My wife is... was a big part of that dream too” - double ouch. The fact that she changed her words to the past tense made me sad, that she’s now thinking about what this dream looks like without Maya. At the moment, and with the firm belief that all of this angst will eventually lead to them getting back together, I am rationalising that with the fact that Carina is hurting. She hasn’t had the benefit of breaking down her feelings with Diane or anyone else - at least, not that we’ve seen. She doesn’t know what her future looks like, if her marriage is going to survive, so she’s trying to figure out what that dream looks like by herself.

But then, she still went home - for what? Shampoo she could have bought at the drug store and a few coats? Hmm. I take comfort in the fact that, having eventually listened to Maya’s voicemail, she decides to go home, maybe to see for herself if Maya’s words are true. Because, let’s face, Maya might tell her that she’s working on herself and trying to be better, but there are good reasons not to believe her.

But Carina is not going to jump back in. The hurt of seeing Maya so broken in the hospital bed, of hearing Maya scream her name and blame her when all she was trying to do was protect her, is not something she can just forget - and I’m glad she told Maya that. The way her voice cracked was heartbreaking, but it also shows how much she loves Maya. And she’s angry that she had to go so far as to get a 5150 because Maya wouldn’t listen to her and wouldn’t get help when she begged her. For six months. So yes, great, Maya is going through the steps and of course that’s what Carina wants - but she didn’t do it when Carina asked.

She’s doing it because the fire department is making her.

Of course we, as viewers, know a lot more because we got to see the conversations between Maya and Diane last week. But Carina didn’t - all she sees is that Maya is doing this to get her job back because, once again, it comes back to her fear that she is second best to Maya’s career. That their marriage, their family and the desire to have a baby is second best.

That is a point I really hope they address in the near future.

#sorry for the length it turns out i had a lot of thoughts!#station 19 #carina deluca #maya bishop #my rambles

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brookheimer · 1 year

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while i agree that love for logan is the main reason, i do think that fear was a big part of why roman didn’t want to engage w the pierce deal. but i totally disagree with people considering that to be cowardice. i think it makes a lot of sense for roman to feel fear towards logan bc his dad has deliberately cultivated an atmosphere of terror and he has clear abusive tendencies. idk i find that calling roman a coward devalues what seems to be a pretty rational response/emotion towards an abusive man. i liked that quote you shared from the tvline interview w kieran but was wondering do u have any further thoughts?

short answer: check out this other kieran quote ab rome in the premiere! it builds on the other quote and is once again very validating for my roman take which is always fun.

long answer: not only do i have further thoughts, i actually have so many further thoughts that i'm gonna put a read more here so as not to clog up the dash lol !!!!

if anyone wants to read a veritable fuckton of thoughts on roman and his relationships to love, fear, and family - it's under the cut!

totally agree re: fear nor necessitating cowardice especially in the case of roman whose relationship w his father is absolutely defined by fear ! i think rome’s fear of logan played a role for sure, but people have been misconstruing his fear of his father (which is the core of their entire relationship and by extension roman’s relationships with literally everyone, honestly) for fear of, like, “losing.” and while the fear of losing to dad is definitely there — who wants to get their ass kicked?! (and rome knows they def would get their asses kicked) — i think his main motivations are more like emotional, instinctive, and visceral than the fear of just losing in a business battle. it’s all about family and love for him, always is, always has been.

the reason i emphasized love rather than fear as his motivation for not fighting dad is because i think his fear of his dad is so deeply interwoven into his love for him — i’d argue it’s a defining feature of rome’s understanding of love as a concept. there’s no love if there isn’t the constant fear of loss, of being thrown aside, of abandonment. love for roman is always a matter of punching up, of proving to someone that doesn’t care about you that they should care. if the power dynamic were ever to even out, if the fear of abandonment and the feeling of inferiority were ever to dissipate, i don’t think roman would be able to comprehend it. love for him has been defined by logan and his relationship with him, which has always, always been rooted in fear. any love that isn’t is not a love he understands. fear is simply part and parcel for love. one is almost unimaginable without the other — if you don’t care about someone, you wouldn’t be afraid of losing them; if you aren’t constantly afraid of losing someone, then you don’t actually love them.

so while roman’s fear of logan plays a huge role in any and all decisions he makes (esp regarding family and business), if i had to choose one motivating factor, i’d say love. he’s afraid of the harm logan could cause him, but more than that, he’s afraid of losing him. that’s the difference between roman and shiv/ken — despite everything, roman still wants to have a relationship with logan. he holds the ideal of Family close to his heart and almost delusionally clings to it. he still thinks they can rebuild their relationship and be one big happy family. if they start fighting logan, then they can’t, and they won’t.

i’ve seen some people say stuff about how roman is trying to make the emotionally healthy/mature choice for himself, in that he knows what going back to logan would do to him, he knows how easily he’d fall back into the same patterns that are so detrimental, and he wants to keep pursuing this new version of himself he’s been discovering these past few months in LA. but i don’t think he’s making the decision out of self-preservation — he’s trying to preserve something, but not himself. he’s trying to preserve his family, or at least his hope for it. he could never admit that to shiv and ken because that’s not something the roys are ever supposed to think or do, but that’s his core motivation, i think: family and preserving it. that’s all business was ever about for him, after all; originally he only cared about the business as a means of maintaining relationships with his family because that’s the only love language they speak. even now, although he knows a lot more about the business and has stronger opinions on how it should be run, i don’t think he cares about it in the same way the others do.

i really think that nearly everything roman does is about family and his desire to maintain relationships within it. i think this holds true even (and almost especially) for the times he betrays or hurts his siblings — if he’s forced to make the impossible choice between his siblings and his father, he’ll almost always choose his father, because that’s the relationship he’s at most risk of losing. there’s something unconditional about the siblings’ relationship — i don’t think any of them would ever call it unconditional love, but there’s always this sense of ‘no matter what happens, i’ll make fun of your dumb hairstyle at thanksgiving and you’ll kick me in the shin.’ it’s logan he’s at risk of losing. if you have to bring scissors down on one of two strings, you’d probably choose to bring it down on the thicker one — that way, there’s most chance of both being left intact, even if one is damaged. that way, there’s no total loss. fear is still a key part of the way they love each other, but i think it manifests differently because they are the only people on earth who understand the fear inherent in being a child of logan roy. i think roman is still afraid of losing them, but bc his relationships are so defined by him being the one without power in them, he can’t imagine anyone (sibling or otherwise) would be so hurt by him that he would lose them.

tbh i don’t think he gives himself the credit of being a full person in his relationships — he is just there to be affected by others, but he doesn’t have enough weight to affect anyone himself. i think he kind of believes the only way any relationship would end for him is the other person deciding he’s boring/useless/not worth their time/annoying/etc. if they hurt him, he won’t leave, he never would — his role in a relationship is to get kicked and stay put, and he’s had practice doing exactly that his whole life. he doesn’t think his own actions would have consequences for other people even those he loves, not real consequences, because a lifetime of not being taken seriously has convinced him that yeah, he is not to be taken seriously. no one cares enough about roman to be hurt by him or to be afraid to lose him. this is (one of) his fundamental blind spot(s) in relationships, and why he keeps hurting loved ones while seemingly not understanding the hurt he caused. we see this with his siblings in Too Much Birthday and with gerri in their… incident. he doesn’t think he’s enough of a person to people to actually cause harm, he doesn’t think any of his actions could actually have any long-term consequences on anything. but he is, and they do. (actually i wrote a whole post about this after Too Much Birthday came out if you for want to hear me ramble about roman even more for some inexplicable reason)

at this point i'm probably barely responding to the original ask but you opened the roman meta floodgates so here we are. but as i said, i always have further thoughts and... well, if i’m asked to share them, who am i to deny the wishes of the masses?

#this got sooooo long sorry! but yeah i am always here to ramble at length about characters and shows and meta so if u for some rzn want to #be subjected to that then all you have to do is send an ask #here’s hoping we get more good roman content going forward too! and by good i just mean like… apt. not happy. he will not b happy im v awar #roman roy #succession #meta #succession meta #i should prob have a tag for this but idk what lol #asks #succession s4 #succession spoilers #LONG POST #casey shut the fuck up about roman roy #anon

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thatlovinfeelin · 1 year

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Flightless Bird | twelve | Bradley Rooster Bradshaw

Synopsis: Josephine Wilson Miller is alone for the first time in her life. She got married after her first year of college and became a housewife, but that life is gone now. So she runs to San Diego, to her childhood best friend Jake, where she meets the man who could very well be her salvation.

series warnings: unplanned pregnancy, just pregnancy in general, talks of infertility. past mental and emotional abuse. anxiety. talks of women's reproductive systems (idk)

“What kind of crib are we supposed to be looking at?” Jake questioned as Jose walked him through some baby store in the middle of town.

“Well, right now I just want a bassinet. They make some with wheels so I can easily move it, or some that are good to have right next to the bed so I can get to her during the night. Maybe a combo. But either way, I don’t want anythin too bulky.”

“Okay, something sleek and simple, got it,” Jake nodded, trying to act like he fully understood, “What is a bassinet exactly?”

Jose smiled and pulled him towards another aisle, “C’mon, I’ll show you.”

They walked the aisles for a few hours. Jose carefully looked over every option, talking Jake through the pros and cons of each. Jake, who knew she was going over all of this more for her own benefit than his, nodded and asked questions here and there to try and help.

Jose had a hand on her stomach the whole time, smiling softly to herself when she felt the baby move. It seemed so strange to her, in a few short months she would be able to hold the little human that was growing inside of her.

“Have you thought of any names?” Jake’s question came hours later when they were on the way back home.

She had, of course, but not very seriously. When Jose was younger she had a full list on the Notes app in her phone full of baby names she loved. Sometimes she had their meanings and other spellings, other times just the name and where she heard it. She deleted that particular note after the gynecologist appointment that changed her life at seventeen.

“No, not really,” She replied softly, “I feel like its still too soon to be makin concrete decisions like that.”

“Jojo.”

Jose blinked, he hadn’t used that nickname for her since they were little kids. It was like they outgrew it by the time they were in junior high. The sound alone made her chest feel almost funny. They weren’t kids anymore…yet he was still right by her side.

“You’re almost in the third trimester,” He reminded her softly, “It’s about time to start making those big concrete decisions. I’ll even sacrifice my dignity and put on a pair of fuzzy socks and go through that book of names you have with you. We can pig out on chocolate and watch those sappy ass movies you like, if it’ll make it easier.”

They were at a stoplight, Jose could feel his eyes on her. But she only looked forward, trying to sort out all of the thoughts running through her head. She was a week away from the third trimester, and she was told to expect a premature delivery. Her team of doctors were going to do everything they could to delay, but she would probably be put on bed rest for at least the last month of her pregnancy, if she made it that far.

“I think I need to tell my mama,” Her voice was so quiet Jake almost didn’t hear her, “I thought about writin her a letter. That way I don’t have to hear the disappointment, and I can just be done with it. I mean, your mama already knows, and I know she wouldn’t outright go tell anyone since you told her not to…but it’s still such a small town, everyone is bound to find out eventually.”

“You don’t owe that woman shit,” Jake clarified, “She lost all right to be in your life a long time ago.”

She only shrugged, her hands gently rubbing her stomach, “Maybe so, but she was in exactly the same place I am now. I don’t forgive her, and I can’t pretend to understand how she managed to be such a terrible and selfish mother, I really can’t. But, I have to believe that, in her own way, she did the very best she could. And I want to be able to at least tell my daughter, one day if she asks, that I at least tried, for her sake.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Jake shake his head, “Josephine Wilson, you are a better person than I could ever be. Because there is no way on God’s green earth I would try anything when it comes to that woman.”

“You’ll understand one day, Jakey,” She smiled softly as she looked down, “The world becomes a completely different place when you have your own child to think about. I haven’t even met her yet, but I know I would do anything for her.”

He reached over to squeeze her shoulder, “ You know, I always knew you would make a great mother. Somehow, even after you found out that kids probably wouldn’t be an option, I still knew you’d have one.”

“Jakey, you need to stop sayin things like that, I’m hormonal and I will cry. You know how much I hate cryin,” Jose laughed, coughing to cover up the tears that still managed to spill.

Hours later, Jose was sitting on Bradley’s couch with her legs in his lap. Occasionally he would gently rub her calf, almost like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. He was sipping on a cold beer as a movie played on the tv across from them. Jose couldn’t help but take note of not only how domestic this felt, but also how right it felt.

Everything seemed calm and almost perfect until Jose jolted and let out a hiss. Bradley nearly jumped, head snapping over to look at her. Her eyes were closed and both hands were pressed firmly into a particular spot on the side of her stomach.

“Are you okay?” Bradley rushed to ask.

“Yeah,” She let out an almost breathy laugh, “Sorry, it’s just," She stopped again and rubbed her stomach, "Yeah, okay I feel you, chill out.”

“Jose, what’s going on?” Bradley was growing increasingly worried.

She slowly opened her eyes. She could feel her cheeks growing red, slightly embarrassed for worrying him, “I’m okay, I promise. She’s just really kicking. I haven’t felt her kick this strong before, just took me by surprise.”

Bradley blinked, lips parting slightly, “She’s- she’s kicking?”

She smiled softly before holding out a hand for him, “Give me your hand.”

“What?”

“Just, give me your hand,” She nearly laughed, “I promise she can’t bite you.”

He rolled his eyes and put his hand in hers. She paused for a minute, feeling her stomach with her free hand before tugging his hand to lead him. She looked down at her stomach, smiling as she put his hand where the kicks seemed to be directed. Truthfully, Jose wasn’t even sure if he could feel them yet, but she swore she felt the little thumps against her hands.

“I don’t fee-” Bradley stopped mid sentence and moved closer, eyes widening a bit, “Oh.”

“Did you feel it?” She couldn’t help but feel excited.

“I-” He shook his head, smiling as the baby kicked again, “That’s amazing.”

“Sometimes I forget that this is real,” She admitted, “Like, I’m in a dream or somethin and I’ll wake up and still be in New York.”

Bradley gently cupped her cheek, “I promise this is real,” His voice was deep and raspy, “Every bit of this.”

“I swear sometimes I’ve made you up,” She whispered, “If I’d known you were waitin for me on the other side of everythin, I would’ve left sooner. I would’ve found a way-”

“Shh,” He leaned forward to kiss her forehead, right where a thick crease was appearing in between her eyebrows, “We both had some things to work out first. But we’re here now.”

She shifted so she was now more on his lap than on the couch. He tucked her head under her chin and held her close. He couldn’t help the way his heart seemed to almost skip a beat when she nuzzled into his chest. He liked that he made her feel safe.

Jose didn’t know how to put it all into words. She didn’t know she could ever have a love like this. Sure, it was still so new, and there was still so much they needed to work out. But he was here, regardless of the fact that she was pregnant with another man’s baby, and recently divorced from that man. He didn’t seem to care about all of the strings and baggage that came with her.

“I like the way it feels when I’m with you,” She admitted softly.

“Yeah,” He agreed, “I like that feeling too. I think I might like it more than flying.”

Slowly she sat up, “You don’t talk about flyin, like ever.”

“I love it, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I feel like I was born to be in the air,” He told her honestly, “It makes me feel close to my dad, it’s one of the few things that does.”

“I feel like there’s a but,” She stated.

He smiled softly and brushed some hair out of her face, “I like that I don’t have to be any of that with you. All I do all day is talk about maneuvers and how fast and hard we can push our aircraft. There, I’m one of the best of the best, and there is a shit ton of pressure that comes with that title. None of that matters here though, because I’m just Bradley to you.”

She gently stroked jaw, feeling the slightly raised edges of old scars, “I like just Bradley,” She told him honestly, “But I think I could love Bradley Rooster Bradshaw.”

He made a noise, almost like a groan and dropped his forehead to hers, “ Oh honey, I don’t know what I did in this life to deserve someone like you, but I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for you.”

Warmth spread throughout Jose, she tilted her head so she could gently kiss him. Once, the idea of doing anything with Bradley scared her more than having this baby, but now she wanted to just do life with him. Somehow, she wanted everything with him.

“I haven’t felt this way in a really long time,” She admitted, “I didn’t realize how much I was missing.”

He knew what she meant. For a moment, Bradley even wondered if this was how his parents felt in the early days of their relationship. Somehow, he knew that his parents would approve of the girl that was staring back at him. He wasn’t sure if his heart ever felt this full before.

He kissed her again, one of his hands gently holding the side of her neck while the other was on her back to steady her. For a man who swore he wanted to go through life alone, Bradley was far too content to imagine going through life with Jose.

It almost scared him.

When they pulled apart, there was a look in Jose’s eyes that only served to spur Bradley on. He couldn’t help but smirk a little as he really looked at her, “Do you remember that joke you made when I told you what my call sign was?”

Jose more or less whimpered and dropped her head to his shoulder. She could feel her cheeks turning red. She thought he forgot all about that, since he never mentioned it again. Of course, she blamed it on the hormones, and would gladly tell him that now that he knew she was pregnant. But at the same time, even though she didn’t know him at that point, there was truth to what she said.

“Don’t make fun of me,” She whined, “I told you I turn into a runaway train sometimes.”

Bradley’s laugh shook his whole body, “Honey, I’m not making fun of you. I thought it was funny actually, this sweet shy, southern, little thing making a joke like that. You have no idea how-”

She slid off of him almost too quickly. The movement made her a little dizzy, but she needed to say a few things herself before he got any sort of ideas. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were a few shades darker. In another life, she would be climbing right back on top of him. Hell, she wanted to climb back on top of him and never leave.

“I have some…restrictions,” She blurted out.

His brows scrunched together, not quite understanding what she was saying. She looked worried as she chewed on her bottom lip. Maybe a little guilty too, which made no sense to him at all. She had nothing to feel guilty about.

“What do you mean, honey?” He asked her gently, stroking her hair.

“I can’t-I mean it’s not-” She took a deep breath, somehow feeling like a teenager, “I’m on somethin called pelvic rest. It’s to cut down on any potential complications, because I’m already at risk for a whole lot of ‘em.”

He was rubbing her back now. Somehow it made her feel even worse. They were grown adults, yet she felt like a little teenager turning down her prom date at the end of the night. Granted, her prom date was Jake and she ended up pulling him into the bed of his truck with her in the middle of a field. But…she just felt guilty. She felt like she was leading him on.

“I can’t have sex,” She nearly whispered, “I can’t do anythin related to it really. I’m not even allowed long walks. I understand if that isn’t something you can-”

“I’m not an animal,” He replied calmly, “I would never try to pressure you into that anyway, or heaven forbid force you. My mom raised me better than that. While I’m sure sex with you would be amazing, I’m in no hurry. I’d much rather both of you be safe.”

Jose’s heart nearly melted, “I wasn’t trying to insult you…I just…I don’t think I’ve ever really done this before, Bradley. I mean, with Jake we grew up together and it all just kind of happened, it's like we never even thought about any of it. With Michael…I’m not even sure what happened with us now, honestly. I feel like I’m just fumblin around in the dark when I’m with you.”

He smiled sweetly, “Then I guess we’re both flying blind. Because I can promise you that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. If I haven’t told you before, I’m at your mercy. You call all of the shots here, you get to be in control.”

“Why?” She found herself asking.

“Because you deserve all of it,” He whispered, “Every good thing this world has to offer, you deserve it and then some. I’d give it all to you, if you’d let me.”

She sighed, tipping her head back to his chest again, “How are you okay with all of this?”

He wrapped his arms around her again, but looked at an old picture sitting on the mantle across the room. In the few months since he met Jose, sometimes he swore he could feel his parents guiding him towards her. He even went as far as to talk to Mav about it once or twice.

Bradley always seemed to feel restless before, almost like he just didn’t belong where he was in the world. Yet, with Jose, everything went quiet. Yeah sure, he had no idea what he was doing with her. He really was flying blind when it came to really loving another person, but he sure as hell loved Jose. Even if he knew it would scare you shitless to tell her that just yet.

He could almost imagine introducing her to his mother. Maybe Jose would have her little daughter in her arms. His mother always loved babies, she made him promise to save the box of his baby things for when he had a family of his own. He knew that his mother would’ve cried when he told her that he gave away his blanket, but they would be good tears. He knew Carole would be proud of him. He wished that he knew for certain that his father would feel the same way, but he seemed pretty sure.

“Because, honey, I feel like I was meant to find you.”

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