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#I don’t have prime 😭
actually-autisticc · 3 months
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HOLY FUCK HAZBIN HOTEL IS OUT
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akkivee · 10 months
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bat arrived to the barbie premiere!!!!!!!
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nighhtwing · 2 years
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the thing abt dickkory is that i know dick doesn’t deserve kory but i want him to better himself so he does deserve her
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kentolove · 11 months
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Can’t believe that my most popular post is one that I spent 5 minutes writing and is about tsukishima walking in on you pissing
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pastelpaperplanes · 2 years
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Hi! In the Thorns character intros, you referred to OP as 'cursed'- is this just referring to his bad luck with elita or is he actually cursed????
Optimus is considered cursed according to the rest of his peers back at the castle 😭😭 so much so that Optimus truly believes he’s cursed as well. Losing the last members of House Orion AND losing Elita One in the incident makes has left him very very hesitant to be part of a team again. That, and two tragedies tied to actions, or inactions—it’s not like anyone else in the castle grounds would be eager to take him in.
Other Primes were busy either preparing for their own journeys to recover the Allspark or recovering from said journeys, failures of course. Optimus wasn’t going up in the world anytime soon, so most days the most action he got to see was when he was assigned to oversee some basic training with future guardsmen.
Optimus couldn’t handle losing anyone else he’s left into his life, so part of the reason why he volenteered solo on his quest was due to him being that self-sacrificing idiot that he is, but also he wanted to try and do something ‘good with his life’ for a change and secure his kingdom’s future with the returned Allspark.
He’s not really cursed, but it’s no lie that danger is drawn to him for whatever reason.
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catcze · 7 months
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Hi hi hello ! Gonna take a few days off to play the new update and to bring my dogs to the vet tomorrow !! In the meantime pls feel free to send me asks/thoughts for Wrio and for Neuvi and for other characters too, since I think it’s about time that I began branching my content out again hahkdkdkj
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amyrlinegwene · 3 months
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Thinking about how the wot show took everything from girls who are the youngest sister (Moiraine no longer being the youngest sister, Egwene’s older sisters being presumably erased so she’s an only child)
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yourqueenb · 1 year
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Out of all the mystery books on Choices, were there any that you found particularly fun and/or well written? I'm not sure if it's just me bcs it might be a matter of taste which is super subjective, but something about the way PB does mystery stuff feels kinda...lackluster? I'm not sure what exactly it is about their mystery books (like TUH and MAH), but while they're not necessarily terrible they usually don't feel super satisfying
It’s def not just you. Idk how many times I’ve talked about this, but PB can’t do mystery. I believe that 100%. Maybe in the very beginning they could because I remember enjoying Most Wanted. But I haven’t played it in forever. And all of their mystery books after that have been lackluster as you said. (And I do mean all of them, including VoS and CoP, which are fan favorites).
I think one of the issues is that they always feel the need to make us investigate whatever noble pursuit the person had along with their death. And they really play up the fact that the victim was basically a saint and loved by all. And it’s just like 9 times out of 10, I do not care. It gets annoying and old. One of the other issues is that they also always do the collectibles for clues and stuff. And it’s usually either that you need almost all of them to understand whodunnit, how, and why (see: TUH) or pretty much none of them because they’re actually just extra pieces of information that aren’t all that interesting (see: MaH). Of course the former is worse because paywalling plot/other important story aspects is flat out ridiculous. But the latter annoys me too because premium content should add something to the story, not just little factoids.
I think writing a mystery book is a balancing act. And we all know PB already struggles with balance outside of that. They don’t know how to set the stage, build intrigue, and stop throwing in red herrings to let the story come to a conclusion at the right time. Or if they do manage to build intrigue, they still can’t craft a proper twist that feels shocking but makes sense/is believable at the same time. So that’s why VoS had a good setting/all that suspense throughout, but fell flat in the end. And that’s also why MaH never really found it’s footing as a mystery to begin with imo.
Didn’t intend to write an essay, so last issue I’ll speak on is the fact that PB also rarely writes good villains/a good dynamic between the MC and the villain. I think what their mystery books are missing is the feeling that whatever we’re investigating is a puzzle that needs to be solved. And one of the ways they could create that is by writing both villains/antagonists and MCs who are actually intelligent and fun to go up against/play as! It’s usually that the villain is 10 steps ahead. And not because he/she is particularly crafty but because they dumb MC down to drag the story out for 16-20 chapters. CoP is an exception because MC was actually pretty smart, but we had the dumbass murderer and her even dumber minion. So I truly believe that if we had characters who didn’t just bumble their way through the story and were legitimately formidable adversaries to each other, we would have a lot more fun maneuvering around the obstacles/red herrings/etc. thrown at us and solving the mystery OR being surprised by the twist/resolution but able to pick up the breadcrumbs and connect the dots after it’s revealed
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redjukebox · 1 year
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Praying to god that now that primes out people start writing Mangy fanfics🙏
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okay, we still feel like sh*t… but it is not covid, WE MOVE
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evie-a · 2 years
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Paper Girls was made into a series??? And all the episodes are already out??? Dafaq?
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juniperhillpatient · 16 days
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OMG FELLOW COFFIN OF ANDY AND LEYLEY FAN THAT ALSO LIKES HAZBIN?!? Excellent taste fr let's be friends
Okay bet! deal! let’s! 🤝 Also the way ur url references That Site omg
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pascals-doll · 2 months
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like a virgin
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joel miller x reader
🫧 inspired by madonnas like a virgin MY MADONNA CONCERT IS COMING UP I-
🫧 i always make my writings for joel so long but i love this man smm i could write all day for him it dont even b on purpose 😩
🫧 description: pre-outbreak!joel, babysitter!reader, reader babysits sarah, semi-fluff, DILF JOEL DILFFF, age gap (joel is 36 and reader is early 20s), smut smut, SMUT SMUTTT, dom!joel, softdom!joel(ugh i need so bad),sub!reader, hella praise kink, reader and joel are obessesed w each other tbh, secret crushing, body worship (reader reciving/ slight joel), pussy eating, possessive!joel, unprotected sex, p in v sex, hair pulling (j recieving), tommy is a teasing p.o.s 😭, no use of y/n, use of nicknames (sweetheart, darlin, and sweet girl).
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you stepped into the miller’s residence weekly to babysit his daughter Sarah, she was the sweetest teen girl. she reminded you a bit of yourself when you were her age which was probably the cause of the instant connection.
you had been baby-sitting for almost 8 months now, leading to getting closer to Joel; Sarah’s dad.
Joel was more than a hunk of a man, he towered over you even with your heeled mary-janes at times, his broad build engulfing all his clothing making him look like a slutty construction worker with his roughed up baggy-blue jeans thats sinched around his waist perfectly.
you would be lying if you wouldn’t oogle the man while his attention was pulled onto something else. you would watch the way he talked so sweetly to Sarah, yet when it came to a phone call, his neighbor, a stranger or his brother, Tommy that would occasionally stop by.
Joel would have this assertive and unruly tone underneath that thick southern accent. he was a man that paid close attention in his life which is why he has allowed you to take care of his daughter with so much trust.
you would never know it but Joel cherished you and the things you do.
Joel would show it in very discreet ways, today was a prime a example.
“m’havin a famiy cookout later t’night, why don’t you head on home to rest, so you can come back to enjoy with us.” Joel invitied you with ease as you began to grab your belongings from his coat-rack near his front door.
you grabbed your purse, walking towards the sound of his voice which was right around the corner. Joel was standing in his wide living room.
“it would be more than my pleasure. thank you for everything again. im always very appreciative for sarah and you” you thanked him sweetly, eyes meeting his.
he stood next to his large bookcase that had an assortment of different books, personal objects, some cds/dvds, and his vinyls.
joel picked up a vinyl, sliding out of the slot in the shelving of his bookcase, pulling it out of the envelope, and placing it on the record player.
yet another instance, where you accidentally ogle him.
“the real thank you should be t’ya. im adjustin’ to single parentin’ and ya’ been very accommodatin’, thank you.”
your kind demeanor was the sweetner to his coffee.
you were now home, getting dressed to return to the Miller’s residence.
usually when you’re babysitting, you dressed lazily. you would put on a random shirt and jeans or sweats.
you wanted to cleanup a bit more, knowing it wasnt just going to be you and sarah most of the day; Joel would be there.
you threw on this cute blue floral sundress that was mid-length, it stopped right below your cross necklace.
you finished up by pairing it with white frilly socks with mid-heeled black flats.
you didn’t put much makeup on, only putting the basics before doing any last touch-ups and grabbing your black mini-purse.
𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪
once you arrived, opening the gate and greeting a few of the people that were sitting on the porch before entering through the front door.
the sound of chatter got louder as you walked through his home. you turned around to the corner and his living room was empty but his kitchen was cluttered with different food and grill necessities.
you thought to yourself how they must be outside, you began to walk farther into his home till the back where the sliding door to his backyard was.
you began to slide the door open “oh my!! you came!” sarah squealed out of excitement, she came from restroom door next to the side of his sliding door.
you immediately engulfed the excited girl that ran into your arms “i wouldn’t miss it for the world, girl!” you exclaim while smiling.
“c’mon! my dad is outside grilling!” sarah spoke excitedly. she grabbed your hand as you opened the door and walked outside together.
𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪
“d’ya invite that sweet babysitter of yours?” Tommy asks joel while seasoning the steak “i did, i hope she comes-you know, for sarah and all” Joel tries to play off with his words.
“oh my brother fancy’s someone, i see” Tommy chuckles out, putting his beer bottle up in the air slightly.
“i do not fuckin’fancy that young lady. she’s gone above and beyond for my daughter and i just wanted her to feel welcome” Joel explains himself, his tone laced with angry yet getting his explaination a across a bit hastily. Tommy’s eyebrow quirks.
“don’t say nothin’ else” Joel utters out in a stern tone, grabbing his cold corona as Tommy puts his hands up in defence.
Tommy turned his head, not the best decision as it made his amusement grow fonder. he turns back to Joel.
“well, ya’look at that brother” Tommy slys out, throwing a wink at his older brother before making his way back to his wife Maria.
It was you and sarah approaching, Joel actually choked on his sip of beer.
you were beautiful, Joel wasn’t an oblivious man.
Joel, himself even thought it was impressive how easily you cleaned yourself up by just some jeans and sweatshirt; at times just a shirt.
tonight was different, very different.
Joel finally has seen you outside of your different hoodies and pants.
he couldn’t begin to comprehend as you and sarah got closer and closer “Dad! she made it” sarah calls him out in excitement.
you finally approached him next to his griller which caused him to immediately snap out of his gaze.
Joel gave you his hand to shake “thank you so much for having me” you thank him, sweetly accepting as you began to shake pulling you in for a soft side hug.
you were right beside him, feeling the heat of the fire from the grill on both of you.
in Joel’s eyes, up close, your beauty was now beyond otherworldly. your light blue sundress bringing out the color of your eyes, the way your hair fell on your shoulders, and your jewlery sparkiling the tone of your skin.
you looked so elegant, yet you still managed to keep it simple. your winged liner making you look more mature than just the light mascara you would rush onto your lashes before getting out of your car on babysitting days.
Joel couldn’t begin to wrap it around his mind how you could possibly look so pure yet you were a woman. a hard-working one at that.
he knew that. it was something that made him desire you which felt so wrong.
“anytime, ya deserve to be apart of the family-shit! ya’already are” Joel goes off a bit nervously after ogling you. you gave him a soft smile.
“did’ya need help with the grill?” you quickly perk in as the fire began to sizzle a tad bit louder than usual “ah shit!” Joel exclaims, flipping each of the steak.
“careful now, brother! dont burn ‘em!” Tommy calls out, laughing with a devious smirk as he approaches again with cooler in hand.
Joel grumbled something under his under his breath as he focused on the grill.
“nice to meet you, i’ve heard s’much about you! I’m Joel’s brother, Tommy.” the younger brother introduces himself.
you give him your hand to shake “It is nice to meet the uncle tommy” you joke out causing sarah to giggle with you.
Joel couldn’t begin to explain the beauty you carried within you.
he was sure that if a god made you, it was Hestia and Aphrodite.
𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪
the evening was pleasantly spent by you getting to meet maria and her pregnant belly, congratulating her.
then once it was time to serve the dinner, you helped Joel and Tommy by moving the grilled food off of the grill.
this consisted of Tommy making jokes that had slight insinuating under-tones that you were too naive to pick up but laugh everytime Joel would punch Tommy’s shoulder roughly, not being playful at all.
you helped bring in the food as sarah set up the dining table. once everything was set up and everyone sat down to eat, Joel’s grilling being beyond splendid.
when dinner was over while everyone cleaned up, you went to use the restroom.
you finished using up the restroom which is how you were now in Joel’s living room.
you began to admire his large bookcase from where he stood earlier to invite you.
you skimmed through, your hands softly going over the objects as you observed his books, framed pictures, his collection of dvds, and then his vinyls.
you had a record player of your own, sometimes sarah would ask you to play bon jovi and tell you where the record was.
Joel had an impressive collection, ranging to every genre of music. he had some legends on vinyls like Bob Marley, Johnny Cash, Lionel Richie, and Madonna.
you immediately picked up the Madonna vinyl, it was her second album ‘Like a Virgin’.
you grew up with your mom adoring Madonna more than anything which explains your adoration for her music.
“I was in highschool when i first heard Madonna” a deep voice spoke through the room, behind you.
you automatically knew it was Joel, turning around still looking at the tracklist on the back of his vinyl “this is my favorite album besides Like a Prayer” you say as you walk up to him, smiling.
“you weren’t even born yet” Joel laughs out causing you to jokingly get offended.
“excuse me, i know my Madonna” you joke back, giving him a playful wink which he just gave you a slight chuckle too.
“she say she know she Madonna, ay?” he gives you a slight smile, opening up his record player before inserting the vinyl.
soon enough the record player began to ring a classic 80s pop beat through the room.
you automatically felt yourself slightly popping your leg with the beat and snapling your fingers slightly.
“go ahead, Mr.80s” you state smiling, inviting him to dance “oh no, i-don’t dance” Joel quirks out awkwardly, now standing nervous.
Joel admired your confidence and comfortabilty in your skin, you were so young and full of life while also being so sophisticated and methodical.
you grab Joels hands and began to playfully sway with him.
Oh, like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats next to mine
🫧
you sang the melodious lyrics under your breath. you felt your breath hitch as you locked eyes with joel, being in his grasp.
you could feel your body burn up in his strong hold, his heavy hand on the small of your waist.
your breath hitched causing your chest to push up against his chest. this felt so right, the way his hands held your body and each of your curves.
🫧
You're so fine, and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah, you make me bold
Oh, your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold
Joel made you feel more than a woman, you were so polish and refined, yet so sophisticated and mature while all-looking ever so young and full of life.
he felt a bit of confidence which made him twirl you around, engulfing you into his embrace again with one arm; your back to his chest now.
you swore the sound of the song was slowly drowning out and now the sexual tension was ringing through the both of you.
you could feel his heartbeat thump against your back as his hands rubbed both sides of your waist to the rythem of your delicate sways.
you leaned your head back against his chest, his scent being the only thing on your mind.
you felt him begin to caress your hair with one hand as it left your waist.
“you’re s’beautiful, hope y’know that” Joel could blame it on his 5 beers but 5 beers wasn’t shit for Joel, he was very conscious of his choices.
the compliment sent shivers down your spine as you swore your knees grew limp momentarily.
you turned around, your thigh now inbetween one of his legs, chests pressed against each other, his hands gripping your hips now, and faces inches away from each other.
your lips were parted, you really were debating on kissing the beautiful hunk of a dad infront of you.
fuck it
just like that, within no time your lips were moving like you both had never kissed anyone before.
the song continuing to play as the both of you makeout in his living room while everyone was outside.
the way his hands ran through all of your body like he had never touched anyone, your lips pulling away to catch your breathe momentarily like you had never been kissed like that before.
Joel completely ravished you.
hell…now that he had you, he wasn’t gonna let go now.
“m’room darlin’” he mutters against your lips, before completely scooping you up bridal style. it caught you slightly off guard, gasping which made Joel smack your ass playfully.
“oh, aren’t you a gentleman?” you joke, your arms were wrapped around his neck.
“oh, don’t’cha worry sweetheart” Joel smirks out as you arrived to his room.
he laid you on his bed, going down with you while on top of you. he began to move his lips from kissing you to your neck, pulling down the small straps that held your dress.
each kiss that Joel placed on your body felt like a burning sensation, making your insides erupt with giddiness.
you felt like this was your first time all over again. your mind was racing, heart was nervous, and body was clamy.
and it was all because of Joel.
you weren’t sexually active at all recently, you were so busy with work, about to graduate with your masters, and even babysitting sarah; spending more time at the Millers than on dates.
you did go out but lord were the guys of this generation a bunch of sluts.
“what’s on your mind? am i doin’ somethin’ wrong?” Joel’s rushes out accidentally, not wanting to sound nervous but he did.
you weren’t only one feeling like a bad teenager doing this for the first time.
Joel smelled your perfume and that was all it took to get his mind racing. he couldn’t begin to fathom how he finally got to have you.
the way his big frame craddled yours sent him into overdrive, his heart going a million miles per minute as he tries to figure out where to even begin.
for you, it might’ve been a year but for him, it was almost like ages with the years he’s gone.
all Joel’s mind could do was think of all the things he could do to you.
“Joel-hmph” you couldnt help but whine out as his hands massaged closer and closer to your arousal.
“there there sweet girl, you ever been with a man?” Joel asks, lifting your dress up, exposing your angelic white panties.
Joel was damned forsure for the filthy thoughts you provoked out of him.
“n-no, i have never—they were idiots.” you felt so small under him, feeling overwhelmed like it was your first time all again.
at this point, you could’ve considered yourself a virgin with how Joel had you and how much of a man he was.
“you ain’t gon’go lookin’ f’someone to take care of that pretty lil’mind, not after im done with’ya.” Joel claims to you.
you believe every single word laced in his southern accent; making your cunt pulsate wantingly.
“is that what you want to do, Joel? take care of me?” you ask him, lifting your leg to spread yourself open more as you wrap it around his lower waist; basically resting on his thick thigh.
the way you looked at him through your lashes, batting them softly. it was a genuine question, laced with purity and hope.
“if you’ll allow me too-” Joel began, pulling down your panties. you expected him to unbuckle his belt next but no; he got on his knees.
your chest weighed up and down heavily, each of his touch making your body hot.
“it’s my only wish for taking care of me and sarah” Joel finishes before hooking both of your legs up onto his shoulders, his tongue wasting no time.
you didn’t even get a chance to respond, a moan erupting out of you being the only thing.
the way he ate your pussy like he didn’t just eat a whole meal downstairs had your back already arching.
Joel’s tongue swiped along all of your cunt, fucking your sweethole “jesus, ya’taste fuckin’ delicious” Joel mumbles against your pussy as his tongue quickens all along your juiced cunt.
“ahmph!” your shriek sounding like music to his ears, if he didnt have his family downstairs, he’d have you screaming.
“quiet fa’me, doll” he says, taking a hand to cover your mouth as before diving back in.
joel’s tongue fucks into your hole this time causing you to let out a muffled moan against his big hand.
the way that man was eating your pussy, tainting your pussy with his spit, marking it all as his drove you insane. there wasnt nothing this man couldn’t do.
“god! j-joel!” you muffle out, your hands go to his roughed up brown hair, pulling on it causing him to groan into your dripping pussy.
you felt yourself getting closer and closer, your pussyhole squeezing around the tip of his tongue.
“this pussy s’perfect- s’all fuckin’ mine.” Joel spits out once he pulled away from your pussy, denying you of your orgasm.
your mouth was agape in pleasure but then quickly falling into a pout “don’t worry darlin’, my baby will cum…on my dick” Joel’s voice is sweet like honey now as he leaned down to connect your lips together.
you taste yourself on his lips, mixture of his spit along his lips causing you to moan at the mix of both of your filth fogging your mind.
the way both of your lips moved in sync perfectly was beyond intoxicating for joel. he swore he could get addicted to just at the look of you but at this point, both of your lips had him drunk.
he had shimmied and kicked off his pants while making-out with you. he was completely taking over you once again, your body turning small under his big one.
“are you ready, sweetheart?” joel asks delicately, pulling away from your lips to look at your eyes.
you told him yes, leaning up to take his shirt off which he happily obliged.
you had only seen his toned arms but it was obvious he had a strong build. he might’ve not had a six-pack but lord were his muscles chiseled like a greek god.
“you gon’ drool over an old man?” joel utters out, his hand going in to caress your hair.
“oh baby, you’re beyond fine wine.” you whisper. your forehead’s connected, lips away from kissing, and looking him deep in his chocolate eyes.
Joel could feel his breath hitch at what you said, you already had him wrapped around your finger as he worshipped you.
Joel thrusted himself into you, he couldn’t even fucking believe how tight you were.
“jesus- god, this pussy s-ah fuck!” joel’s groan was almost animalistic as your mouth fell as if you wanted to scream but nothing came out.
Joel’s cock was a size you’ve never had before, it didnt hurt but oh, did it stretch.
“s’big-oh my!” you moan out loudly, eyes rolling back at the feeling of him delectably stretching your pussy out.
“you got it baby, you got it” he praises you although he was too busy trying not too pass-out because of your cunt.
after a small moment of adjusting for the both of you, he began to thrust into you at a slow pace.
you arch into him as your whimpers and soft moans turn slowly work their way up to louder and heavier moans.
joel worked himself into you, his mind not being able to get enough of all of you. he still had to process that he really had a young beautiful woman with the heart of a home in his bed.
joel completely held your body with one hand, eventually putting a hand over your mouth again once his sweet thrusts turned into pounds.
your body shaking against his with each of his rough and hard thrusts, fucking your name out of your mind and replacing it wirh his.
your muffled little cries of his name “Joel! joel-ah! j-j! j-joel!” sounding like a sweet lullaby to him. he couldn’t help but smirk at your teary eyed-self.
you werent even worried about ruining that pretty liner of yours as he fucked into you.
“shh my baby, you’re taking me so well” joel coos out, caressing you hair before leaning down to plant kisses and suck on your chest.
your hands grip his bed sheets as your body begins to shake in pure sensual bliss that joel brought you, making your mind fog up as the build up of your orgasm is almost virginal.
“ya’look so beautiful like this-” praises left joel’s lips left and right, loving and indulging in every single one of his praises as he fucked you to your orgasm so sickeningly good; leaving the both of you intoxicated.
“you was made fa’me, not no one else.” Joel’s eyes were shut now, completely lost in the pleasure you were giving him.
it was almost like a prayer, a hopeful chant, almost a possessive plead.
joel had wanted you just as much as you wanted him “yes! god yes! m’close! it’s y-yours! all yours!” your pleasure-filled babbles as your mind gets drunk of joels cock and overwhelming orgasm.
“let go, darlin’ ” Joel works you through your orgasm, hips going from pistoling into you to the delicate pace he started off with.
your entire body shook as both of your sweaty hot bodies embraced each other through both of your orgasms.
the room filled with heavy pants and moans as his hand left your mouth and began to massage your hair.
you both held each other, not wanting to let go of each other.
“i understand what madonna meant by ‘like a virgin’ now” you giggle out causing a playfully scoff to come from him.
“alright alright, we need t’get dressed and head back down. would ya’ want to stop by tomorrow after i drop sarah off at school?” joel asks, his chocolate eyes now ridden of lust and replaced with soft hope.
you were about to tell him yes but another voice spoke before you.
“are you fucking done?! fuck! i can’t keep stalling Sarah and Maria!” it was Tommy.
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houserautha · 24 days
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These Destined Ends
Part 6
Summary: Jessica fulfilled the wishes of the Bene Gesserits to produce a daughter. You’re now burdened with the task of not only marrying the na-Baron, but also bearing his child — the Kwisatz Haderach. Will you take your fate into your own hands? Or will it always belong to those who control you?
Pairings: Feyd-Rautha x F!Reader
Word Count: 3.9k
Warnings: (I’m kind of rusty about appropriate warnings so let me know if there’s something I need to add or correct) You dose yourself with poison, he cuts his arm with a knife, you drink his blood, knife play, oral sex female receiving, dirty talk, p in v, some light praise, dubious consent, inappropriate use of a dagger/anal, he fucks you and the dagger essentially fucks him, breeding/pregnancy kink, unprotected sex, creampie, black cum ofc, no aftercare
A/N: Alright this chapter is…a lot. The knife scenario I read a few years ago in “Den of Vipers” by K.A Knight and it completely changed my brain chemistry. It inspired me to include a similar situation because it’s so Feyd coded😂😭
Also credits to @sansaorgana for mentioning how Harkonnen blood would be thick and effected by Giedi Prime’s environment and pollution. I love discussing Feyd’s body fluids
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Weeks pass before Feyd-Rautha corners you in one of the Baron’s sparse gardens. Garden being a slight exaggeration — really, it’s more of a barren courtyard with a bench. Until your fearsome betrothed strode in, your only company was a few scraggly bushes and the fledgling pilingtam tree keeping you in the shade.
Feyd-Rautha hooks his finger in your book and pulls it away. “Come with me.”
You glare balefully at him. “I was reading that.” It’s the only Harkonnen novel you’ve found that you can stomach. “You can’t just beckon me whenever. Or — and this is blasphemy, I know — you could just ask me if I want to go with you.”
Feyd-Rautha closes the book. “No.”
“You lost my page,” you say with a pout. You debate teaching manners to him again, briefly, before sensing that you’re fighting a losing battle. So instead you snatch the book from his hands.
“Two hundred and thirty eight. Now,” he fixes you with a stern look, “let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
Frankly, you don’t care where he’s taking you. Since the Crucible, you’ve been anxiously waiting for something to do besides answering questions about your upcoming nuptials. Your body aches for purpose. Movement. You also realize, with mixed feelings, that you would probably follow Feyd-Rautha wherever he asked you.
What did that say about your state of mind?
“It’s time for training,” he says.
You trail after him, vaguely disappointed that you weren’t going to finish your book. You tuck it under your arm. How bad could poison training be? Maybe you’d have time to flip through a few pages. Feyd-Rautha eyes you as if he can tell what you’re thinking, but doesn’t comment on it.
The fortress is in full swing for the wedding, which looms only a month and a half away. You would think that’s plenty of time to prepare. But servants are hanging decorations, comparing tasks, and cleaning everything in sight. They quiet as you and Feyd-Rautha stroll past them, and you search their faces for Asha.
She’s been just as busy as everyone else. Everyone but you, of course, who, despite your prominent involvement in the wedding, has been left to your own devices. You weren’t exactly thrilled to dose yourself with poison, but at least it gave you something to look forward to.
“How did you first go about this?” You ask the na-Baron. It’s a strange comfort to be in the presence of someone so unperturbed, confident and assured to a fault, sure, but you knew what to expect from him. He was an asshole, but he would be one regardless.
“Poison tolerance?” He asks.
“No, long walks through the fortress.”
Feyd-Rautha ignores you. “It’s a precaution, mostly. Poison-snoopers can be faulty or influenced. It also gives me an…edge…over others.”
“The others being…?”
“Political allies. Enemies.” You catch the hint of a grin on his lips. “It cuts a formidable image when your guest has no concern for poison.”
“As if you don’t already,” you retort.
“You flatter me.”
“Oh, like you’re not aware.” You roll your eyes. “Where are we even going?”
“Somewhere private,” he says.
You raise your brows. Feyd-Rautha pushes his shoulder suddenly against what you thought until that point was a wall, but it swings open on an invisible seam. “Not like that,” he says, amusement coloring his tone. “Although I could never refuse you, wife.”
The room he leads you into is mostly bare except for a few maps on the walls and a table in the center. You recognize the surface of the table as the topography of Giedi Prime, the vast plains and tiny boxes representing the plethora of factories. You ghost your fingers over it. “What is this place?”
“My strategy room.” When you glance at him imploringly, he sighs and adds in a resigned tone, “Sometimes I find working with the other nobles tedious. I spend my time alone if possible.”
“Hm.” You sit down at the table and try to imagine Feyd-Rautha presiding over it, testing out battle strategies and war maneuvers.
You must sink too far into your own thoughts because it startles you when he sets down a small glass in front of you, nestled in the space between two miniature factories. “We need to start small,” he tells you.
“What is this?”
“Poison.”
You shoot him an annoyed look. “It would just be nice to know what poison I’m ingesting, is all.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He plants his hands on the table and assumes a position that you have a hard time believing he doesn’t know stirs something dark within you. “I’m going to be giving you small doses of poisons most typically used throughout the Known Universe.”
“You’re so kind,” you mutter.
He nudges the glass closer to you. “This is the weakest one of them all. We can work our way up, gauge their effects on you.”
“Like what?” You think back to the day in the arena with Ze’ev, how the flip-dart hidden in his clothing quickly incapacitated you, turning your thoughts to sludge.
“Fatigue. Nausea. Potential fevers, chills, heart palpitations.”
“Oh,” you say miserably, “is that all?”
“No, actually,” he replies, oblivious to your fear, “but sometimes it’s better not to know. Drink.”
Your stomach twists with nerves. But he’s watching you in that anxiety-inducing way he tends to, so you tip the contents of the glass down your throat. He smiles.
Poison training is hell.
You’re not sure what you expected, but it’s not this — constantly being gripped by fatigue and nausea, your body battling persistently against the poisons.
The beginning was the worst. You had never thrown up so much in your life. Feyd-Rautha assured you that you were tolerating the poison better than most, but you highly doubted that. You were couch-ridden for days on end, too weak to move or do much more than eat the food he forced you to. But, slowly, you adjusted to the poison, and Feyd-Rautha gave you higher doses, stronger strains.
A week away from your wedding, he declares that he won’t give you anything new. “But you must continue to take the poisons from before,” he tells you. “Or your body will lose the tolerance and also go through withdrawals.”
Today, however, is one of the worst days you’ve had. You did everything right, but for some reason you were rendered completely helpless, body racked by intense shivers. You are huddled in the corner of the couch in the antechamber when Feyd-Rautha finds you, stopping him in his tracks.
“H-H-Hi,” you sputter.
He crosses the room in a single stride, ripping off your blanket and assessing your shuddering form. “You used too much,” he says accusingly.
“I-I-I did what you-you told me,” you protest, albeit weakly.
His frown pierces you. You’re afraid he’s going to reprimand you, but instead he takes a step backward. “Go to the bed.”
“I-I’m f-f-fine. I can s-stay here.”
He looses a sigh then, effortlessly, sweeps you off the couch and over his shoulder. You want to fight against him but it’s taking all of your strength not to shiver and let him know just how poorly you are.
“Put me d-down,” you try your best to say, but with your face buried in his back, it comes out muffled.
Feyd-Rautha resists your pitiful attempts of subterfuge, and carries you into the bedroom like you weigh nothing. It’s your first time actually being on the bed, and his faintly medicinal scent pervades your senses. Had you ever even seen him sleep in here before? How did it smell so strongly of him?
He props you up against the pillows. You attempt to pull up the bedding to ward off your chill, but he stops you, which requires little effort on his part. You blink. In reply, he reaches into the top drawer of his bedside table and takes out a blunt-looking dagger.
“W-What are y-you doing?”
Feyd-Rautha presses the blade of the dagger against his forearm, cuts a thin line that weeps with a thick, dark liquid that you realize is his blood. You feel dizzy.
“Wh-What —”
“Just stop talking,” Feyd-Rautha growls. “We clot quickly. Drink.”
Drink? You're not entirely sure how well your emotions are coming across in your current state, but he must know how insane he sounds. Well, more insane than usual.
"I-I'm not —" Before your eyes, his dark-colored blood ceases. He utters something under his breath and then puts the dagger to his skin again, cutting it back open like slotting an envelope.
He captures a drop of it on his thumb and pushes it between your lips.
It doesn’t taste quite as bitterly sweet as his cum, you decide, but possesses the same sharp bite. It sears slightly as it dances on your tongue, down your throat.
“More,” he says. He sits down at the edge of the bed and raises his forearm to your mouth.
With no other choices, you obey.
The blood is thicker here, his skin warm beneath your mouth as you lick at the shallow wound. Any strangeness you felt at his request vanishes as the potency of his blood hits you. You hungrily take your fill, and by the time the wound closes again, it’s chased away your chills and the murkiness evading your mind.
“There,” he rasps. He sets the dagger down on the bed, still sporting a trace of his blood.
“Why…why?”
Feyd-Rautha’s lips twitch. “Harkonnen blood is its own sort of poison, courtesy of our planet’s pollution and smog. I suspected it would be enough to counterbalance the poison already in your system.”
You fixate on the wound, how the blood has already congealed. “It stopped,” you say stupidly. But how could you be expected to think properly — you had just drank from his arm, from his blood, to stave off poison that you’d willing ingested.
Feyd-Rautha nods. “Another benefit.”
“Anywhere on your body? It does that?”
He indicates the dagger. “See for yourself.”
A chill runs through you, but now for an entirely different reason. You inch closer to him, tucking your legs under you. He’s agonizingly close, his dark gaze flickering across your face as you take the dagger and touch the tip of the blade to his chin.
“Is that just a ploy so that I’ll cut you?” You ask, heart pounding furiously. You discover with a sickening twist that you do want to cut him, want to slide the blade across his smooth skin and watch the way the blood rises to greet you.
Feyd-Rautha breathes, “Perhaps.”
You’ve never seen him so transfixed, so compliant. Eager. And with his very blood in your veins, emboldening you, issuing a high like you’ve never felt before — you press the blade into his skin. Blood trickles out, and you use your tongue to lick it up, the metallic taste of the blade mingling with the sharpness of his blood.
Next you take the dagger across his jaw, down the column of his throat to the divot that flutters with his pulse. And then down down down to his chest, shearing his shirt with a single slice.
Feyd-Rautha has an infuriatingly perfect chest — muscled, small, tight nipples that you tease with the edge of the blade. He inhales sharply.
“You’re disgusting,” you say without conviction, your free hand gliding down his toned stomach.
He tilts his face up to you. The gesture is so vulnerable, his expression so devastatingly beautiful, that you climb into his lap. His cock, straining against his pants, nudges your center.
“I hate you,” you tell him.
He whispers, “I know.”
There’s no telling who kisses who first — an impasse to your game of trading punishments. His hands are on you in an instant, over your body and in your hair, clamoring to touch you as if you might disappear at any moment. You’re equally as fervent, notching your thumbs by his jaw on either side and holding him to you, mouths open and hungry. His tongue dances over your lips, behind your teeth.
Feyd-Rautha is his own kind of poison, infiltrating you slowly and feasting on your insides. And you take him in like his kisses are the anecdote, the touch of his hands soothing the ache that his particular brand of poison causes.
Though, if he is poison, you can never imagine adapting to this — his passionate, consuming touch, the whine of his desperation, how he embraces you like it’s everything he’s ever wanted. No, if he is poison, you never want to learn to tolerate him.
His fingers work deftly at your clothes. The air rushes to caress your breast, hardening your nipples. Feyd-Rautha closes his lips on one as he palms his hand over the other, and the wet warmth of his mouth sends you to the edge. Your back bows in response, urging him closer. He bites down at your nipple, tugs on it, swipes his tongue over it like a soothing balm, then repeats the process on the other side.
As soon as your mind clears enough to form a rational thought, you fumble to unbuckle his pants. He helps you — one hand on your ass for support as he lifts up his hips and you wriggle his pants down over them.
His cock, liberated from his pants, slaps against his stomach. He fists the base and indulges in a series of lazy strokes.
Fuck.
“Fuck,” you say aloud.
Feyd-Rautha, returning his mouth to yours, smirks against you. “Your turn.”
He flips you over onto your back in a seamless maneuver, securing your legs around his waist. Feyd-Rautha lingers above you. His dark gaze roams your form as you shimmy out of your dress, leaving you only in your panties. Sometime before he grabbed the dagger, and now uses it to trace a line from between your breasts to your navel.
You gasp. Pain radiates from the thin cut he made, a terrible, delicious heat.
It’s his turn to tend to you now, hands coasting your body as he licks a stripe up your wound and back down, your blood blanketing his tongue. He pauses at your panties, uses both hands to seize you by the hips and drag you to the very edge of the bed, then kneels before you.
You’re already slick with desire and you want to be ashamed but you can’t, not when he ghosts his mouth over your center and you cry out in need.
“So wet for me, wife,” Feyd-Rautha growls. “You want this cock inside you, don’t you?”
“Yes,” you breathe out. You claw at the bedding, pulling it taunt around you.
“Oh, but I’ve been waiting for this. To taste you. God, you don’t know how hard it’s been knowing that you’re always just on the other side of that door.” Feyd-Rautha replaces his mouth with the dagger’s blade and you clench in anticipation. The tip of it traces the edges of your panties, your lips, nudges against your entrance. “You infuriate me. I cannot stop thinking of you.”
You’re too overwhelmed to make sense of his admission, but it sends a ripple of delight through you nonetheless. You buck your hips, desperate for the friction that only his mouth can provide.
“Please,” you beg.
The blade of the dagger stills. “Please what?”
“Please.”
You can’t think of anything else to say.
He urges, “You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“I want your mouth on my —”
Feyd-Rautha impatiently cuts away your panties, effectively silencing you. His mouth encloses on your clit. Your words turn into a wail of surprise, of pleasure when he applies pressure with his tongue and then sucks.
Ecstasy spirals through you.
It shouldn’t be a shock that he’s skillful at pleasuring you, at lapping between your lungs like your cunt is the sweetest dessert, yet it still resonates — how he knows exactly when and where to lick, to suckle, to coax more pleading moans from you with his tongue.
And when you come you unravel completely.
“So greedy,” he murmurs as you rise your hips back up to him, beckoning him to continue. “You try to rebel against the idea but you want this cock buried deep inside you, coating you with my cum. Is that right?”
“Yes —”
He slams himself up to the hilt inside you. You cry out in equal parts agony and desire, back bowing, walls stretching to accommodate him. Feyd-Rautha doesn’t wait for you to adjust, drawing out and back in with feverish vigor. His hands pin you to the bed to keep you from arching away, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your hips.
“You feel incredible,” he says, your name falling from your lips like a prayer. “So nice and tight.”
You clench around him. Feyd-Rautha mumbles his appreciation, slows his movements. “I won’t be able to last if you keep doing that,” he tells you, “you feel so good. So fucking good.”
You put up a protest as he withdraws, leaving you feeling horribly empty. Feyd-Rautha turns you onto your belly, ensures that your knees are at the edge of the bed, ass up. A mortifying heat surges through you — completely exposed, vulnerable to his wandering gaze. He runs his hand over your ass, drifts to your soaked cunt.
“I want to possess you wholly.”
You whimper in response. You hear movement from behind, and, in the absence of his attention, dip your hand down to your cunt to alleviate the mounting pressure, but you’re declined the pleasure.
“I didn’t say you could touch yourself.”
He lines himself with your entrance. This time when he seats himself inside you it’s painfully slow, deliberate, every inch driving you closer to another orgasm. Feyd-Rautha starts a slow pace, pulling his cock out till his swollen head brushes past your lips, then back in. Eventually he increases his speed until he’s snapping his hips against you, penetrating you deeply, fully, invoking breathless sounds from both of you.
Feyd-Rautha pursues his pleasure the same way he fights — violent, ruthless in its execution. You’re aware, somewhere in the recesses of your mind, that you’re going to be a quivering mess tomorrow. But in the moment you can only immerse yourself in this man: Feyd-Rautha, the na-Baron, a monster in his own right.
In a burst of bright light, an orgasm cleaves you in half, Feyd-Rautha pumping into you until it surrenders to his darkness. Before you can even recover, you feel the familiar coldness of the dagger’s blade biting into your back, down your spine, circling your ass.
He brushes his thumb over your ass. “Have you ever been taken here before?”
Your breath hitches. “Once.”
Feyd-Rautha emits a satisfied hum. From your peripheral you watch him reach into the bedside table again, this time to fish out a cloth to wipe down the dagger. Your walls clench.
“I want to see this dagger in that pretty ass of yours.”
Feyd-Rautha traces your cunt, gathering your wetness on his fingers to coat the handle of the dagger. He spits on your ass, rubs it over you. “You have to relax,” he rasps. The handle of the dagger pushes against you and you instinctively flex as the first ridge enters you. “Relax, wife.“
You oblige, and he’s able to ease the rest of it inside. It’s tight, full, uncomfortable, but not unbearable. When you feel Feyd-Rautha notch himself at your entrance, alarm seizes you. “What are you —?”
He plunges himself inside you.
And as he does, the blade of the knife punctures his skin with a soft squelch.
You gasp. A growl rumbles through his chest. You can’t see, but you can hear the blade pierce him with each ministration of his hips. You can’t believe him, what he’s doing, but the sounds he makes as he enters you and the dagger enters him at the same time are inescapable, intoxicating. And with the added fullness of his cock and the handle of the dagger, you build towards your orgasm, toes curling.
Feyd-Rautha sinks into you again and again, dagger piercing his side. It prompts a steady stream of his blood that joins with your slickness. His breath quickens. “You take my cock so well. Look at you, so full, so beautiful.”
He slows to remove the dagger from you, taking his time as not to harm you. You shudder. The dagger is tossed to the side still covered in his blood.
“I get to fuck this pretty pussy as much as I want,” he rasps, more to himself than you. “Fill you with my seed, over and over until it takes, then fuck you when you’re pregnant and round with my child. Fuck. I want to see you. I want to see your face as I cum inside you for the first time.”
The image he paints has you gasping for breath. Eager to please, you turn onto your back and present yourself to him. Feyd-Rautha is a god of war, of wrath, wreathed in shadows, and he buries himself into you like he’s seeking redemption. You cry out as he nears his own orgasm, tears blurring your eyes — he sheathes himself fully one final time then spills his seed in your cunt.
Your walls pulse, clamping down around him. He holds you close as he finishes, warm breath fanning your skin, jolting slightly. It’s only when he removes himself, bites playfully at your breast, that you realize the wetness you feel dripping onto your belly is his blood.
“Feyd — what, what were you thinking?” You shove him off you.
He stands, naked form on display, blood dribbling down from the wound in his stomach. It’s distracting, frankly, and it just reminds you of how it had gotten there.
“I wasn’t,” he says simply.
You open your mouth to say something else, reprimand him, maybe, but then he runs his fingers along your thigh and scoops up the cum that’s escaped from inside you. He pushes it back into your cunt, which is still beating with the memory of his cock, blissfully sore.
Feyd-Rautha says, “Don’t worry about me, wife. I will heal. You worry about keeping me inside you.”
He stands to walk away and as he does, you mutter to no one, “I wasn’t worried” although you were. You tilt your hips up. Getting pregnant isn’t exactly your top priority right now, but the alternative is having his cum dribble down your thighs, and the black fluid is a little concerning to see smeared across your skin.
What child could be born from such a substance?
You angle your head to see Feyd-Rautha. He stands at the threshold of the bathroom, back turned to you. You admire his physique. For all of his misgivings — his psychotic tendencies, the murder, the way he plays his games with you — he’s irritatingly attractive. You close your eyes and let your head thump onto the bed.
You open them again when you hear the bedroom door swing open. “Are you leaving?” You ask, exasperated.
“Yes,” Feyd-Rautha says. He’s dressed, sadly. “I have other business to tend to.”
You scowl at the implication of being business.
“I’ll be back before the wedding. Keep up with your tolerance. Just know that I won’t fuck you every time you over dose,” he tells you. A million questions jump to mind — and quite a few curses — but he’s gone before you can say any of them.
Spent and still reeling from your recent fucking, you collapse back onto the bed and throw your arm over your eyes. What were you doing?
You were going to marry him.
Part 7
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uncouth-the-fifth · 14 days
Text
good morning, charlie - Leon Kennedy/Reader
read it on Ao3.
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Pairing: Agent!Leon/Detective!Wife!Reader Tags: domestic fluff with the tiniest dustings of background angst, married life, hugging, kissing, and snuggling. Words: 3k (yes, I'm capable of keeping something this short) Notes: read this in a WWE announcer voice: THAT'S RIGHT! UNCOUTH HAS COME CRASHING BACK INTO THE RING AFTER YET ANOTHER MONTHS-LONG HIATUS. i'm magical, truly. here is the first Leon fic I promised last month! There's so much I want to say about this little drabble, but I'll save that for my curious ppl on Ao3. this is going to be a big 180 from my spn content, and I sincerely hope that's okay with the public 😭 for my RE people: enjoy domestic Leon bullshit!
At two in the morning, Washington D.C. is pouring everything it has into crafting the coziest atmosphere of all time. A pleasant window-tapping storm had rolled in right around when you resolved to stay up working. Some late-night radio host is making soft, fizzing chatter in the next room, and coupled with a stellar view of the city from fancy floor-to-ceiling windows, you have a prime opportunity to pass the fuck out.
Unfortunately, you have made some spectacular life choices that don’t mix well with a full night’s rest. Nope, no sleep for you. Despite all of fate’s attempts to stop you from being a cop, (including throwing a city-wide outbreak at you on your first day), you are still here, gripping your job with both hands. At two in the damn morning.
Since scrubbing your eyes hadn’t woken you up the first five times you tried it, you give it another shot as you pace the length of your living room rug—from the coffee table you’ve stacked with files, then back to the whiteboard pasted top-to-bottom with pictures of missing young women. The whiteboard had been Leon’s idea. After the fourth time you’d transformed a flattened cardboard box into a morbid case-board for work, he’d cajoled you into letting him buy one for the apartment.
But I won’t be able to stab the tacks into it, you’d pouted.
Oh, the agony, your husband had drawled. He was a master of delivering a good, dry look.
You’d propped your fists on your hips and tried your best to look serious. The red yarn connecting everything isn’t just a detective-movie thing, y’know! It’s actually really useful. And I need my tacks to stick the yarn in—
Leon had cut cleanly through your building sass with another look, this time one glimmering with humor. Then I’ll get you magnetic ones, detective. Don’t you use whiteboards at the precinct anyway?
You’d grumbled. Because, yes, you did use whiteboards at the station, and they did have the little tacks with the magnets on the bottom. But you’d refused to deal with Leon being all smug (he was unbearable pretty when he was right), and had teased back instead, Whatever, nerd. Why don’t you and the other two angels go call Charlie already?
The reference had gone clean over Leon’s head. Of course, he hated being left out of a joke, so he’d roped you over by your wrist and pinched an explanation out of you until you were squealing with giggles.
Summarizing Charlie’s Angels to Leon had been a lot like offering a paper rocketship to an aerospace engineer. But, hey, picturing him running around in skimpy outfits and escaping action movie explosions on a motorcycle is a whole lot more fun than… than the real deal.
You don’t want to think about what his missions are really like. Not that you’re even allowed to know in the first place. Being Leon’s wife permits you a government-issued phone with his handler’s number, and on antsy days you can push Ingrid for details if you want. But after so long you’ve learned it only hurts both of you—for her, in the inability to answer, and for you, in the excruciating pain of being unable to know. Where is he? That’s classified.
She can’t always tell you when he’s coming home, either. So much of your life is hinged on her check-ins, and even more is forced to live off a simple, He’s okay.
For the seventh time, you scrub at your tired eyes and suck in a deep breath. You’d gotten that fabled text from Hunnigan—he’s okay—earlier today, and like always you crawled through the rest of your shift roiling with anticipation, waiting for Leon to materialize back into your life.
You force your gaze back to the whiteboard, littered with notes and pictures hung up with magnetic tacks. The faces of five missing women bore back. The ten-ton weight of your caseload slams down in full, and again, you scold yourself for floating back into comforting memories of your husband. These girls have lost all comfort in the world since they were taken. Your Captain gave you the responsibility of finding them, and after all you’ve been through, after all the other cases you’ve closed, there can’t be any room for failure. Think.
Your legs ache from being on your feet all day, chasing leads, but dropping into Leon’s armchair for even an instant will just have you nodding off again. More pacing it is, then. This is your pattern for the next half-hour: pace, re-read witness statements, turn, sip your coffee, pace, cross-reference alibis. He’s okay. Two of the girls were taken from Queen’s Chapel, two from Takoma, one from Woodridge. He’s fine. The last victim breaks the profile. What’s different about her? Why take her? Think think think— You know what Leon would do. He was the kind of person you could put in front of a problem, and no matter what he would find a way to shoulder his way through. With physical force, sure, but mental force too. He would sit and just look at the puzzle, and sheer willpower would lead him to some kind of answer. But you’d been pushing and pushing for days now, pursuing every lead, pressing every witness, yet nothing will give. The whole thing feels like a punching bag you’re beating at over and over again, knuckles raw and bloody—
Keys rattle just outside the front door.
First the big deadbolt scrapes open, unlatching with a heavy thud, and that sound alone is enough to shock you awake. More than any coffee could. Then comes the doorknob. Leon hasn’t even turned his key before you’ve twisted the lock open, yanked the door out of your way, and sent it whipping into the jamb with his keyring still swinging from its slot. You give him one full blink to register that it’s you before you’re throwing yourself on him without a single lick of shame, legs and all.
Of course, Leon bears your weight with grace. He grunts out an oof! when you come in for landing, and the living, breathing sound drains into one gruff laugh. You’re scooped up under the thighs and teddy bear squeezed against him. He reeks of cheap motel soap and something faintly coppery—then mint, a whole world of plush, wet spearmint when he nudges your face up with his nose and lays a hello kiss on you. The taste of his gum and the scratch of his stubble on your chin make your skin feel like it’s fizzing, inside-burning-out, every inch of you stood on end by his static charge. Jesus, this guy. He feels like fucking magic, and you’re confident that the laws of physics don’t quite apply around him. Everything in the room, in the too-big apartment that’s painfully empty without him in it, tilts toward Leon.
You shove your face nose-first into his neck and clutch the back of his jacket in both fists. Swallowing hard, you manage, “Hey, angel.”
“Good morning, Charlie,” Leon says.
If you had any resolve for today left in you at all, the wash of his sizzling butter voice would squash the last of it. You’d been trying to be sweet, but your husband has to be funny about fucking everything, of course. Even after weeks spent apart. You love him so fucking much.
“Don’t tell me you found time to watch that stupid movie.” Your voice is muffled by his coat, and you’re grateful for an excuse to hide.
You’re moving. Leon carries you inside, his wedding band pressing into your leg and his other big, warm hand spooned around your back. “Boring plane ride. I wanted to get your jokes.”
Your front door is toed shut, and with all the efficient maneuvering of a proper agent, Leon gets the place locked up behind you. Somewhere in all the commotion he’d dropped his go-bag by the welcome mat, and you hear the dramatic thunk, thunk, of his fancy work loafers being kicked off beside it. Only then does he slip you onto your own feet again.
Your hands slide down his arms as you make contact with the floor. Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re aware that he’s damp from the rain, but that fact hangs in the little alternate universe he’s made in your front hall. Standing there and being able to look at him straight-on, Leon doesn’t feel real. It’s like your constant thoughts of him have manifested a ghost in his shape, mimicking the smiley rookie you remember.
He greets you with a quiet, beaten-down smile, and you understand immediately that the world has thrown its fair share of punches at him, too. You’ve both had a shit week. The Kennedy surname just brims with good luck, huh?
Your hands work on autopilot as you take him in, slipping under the fabric of his jacket and lingering over his thudding heart. His warm blue gaze swims over your face, and you can almost hear the clicking mechanisms in his head as he forces himself out of operative mode and into home mode by looking at you.
“It’s a really bad movie,” you say, choked up.
Leon’s jacket hits the floor with his shoes. There’s a swath of ugly, purpling bruises crawling up his bare arm, old enough to be greening at the edges, and your stomach churns when you see it.
He taps your chin up, pulling you away from the damage and back on him. His voice rolls over you like bourbon in a glass. “Absolutely. So-bad-it’s-good, even. We should watch it, make fun of it together. Like, why the hell does…”
Leon flawlessly falls into an analysis of the movie’s poorly-written espionage elements. The movie you made one offhand joke about several weeks ago, mind you. He’s pulling at straws, saying whatever the hell comes to mind to make you laugh, so exhausted he’s literally swaying on his feet. You can’t believe he’s trying to distract you with something so trivial, but this is your husband. One flash of that weary closed-mouth smile, one brush of those callused hands down your wrists, and your whole world resumes its orbit around him.
You laugh at the jokes he’s obviously crafted for your benefit, a weak chuckle your heart isn’t in. With his hands looped around your wrists, he guides your arms around his neck and welcomes you back into the toasty bubble of his touch. Leon’s even warmer from being tucked underneath his coat. Pure goodness and safety glows off him like a fucking nuclear reactor, and it dawns on you that you haven’t felt safe at all since he left. Anyone can be plucked off the streets here.
One more scratchy kiss and then he’s leading you deeper into your apartment. No one on Earth would believe that he’s a chatty guy, but he talks the whole way through. Too often he’s left to sit in his own mind on missions, and you’re treated to two week’s worth of his backlog in the next ten minutes. All the little things he wanted to say to you. The streams of smart-mouth commentary he was famous for at the academy are all inner monologue now, but you’re confident the Leon radio show still runs twenty four hours a day. He chatters so much in his head that it slips out of him like water sometimes—
“…that close to an explosion would disintegrate you, but fuck physics I guess—“ Leon interrupts his own flow of thought to squint at you. “Quit looking at me like that. It’s unfair how pretty you are when you’re tired. What was I—not like the laws of physics apply to that movie anyway, but…”
—and you’re stupidly charmed by it. He talks to comfort himself, and because the two of you are one unit, one person to him, he does the same for you.
With your hand tethered in his, he clicks off the radio in the kitchen. One of Leon’s side-stories replaces the random late-night station that’d been playing, floating over the din of the rain like bass over relaxing drums. He pours out the dregs of your coffee. He closes the files full of gruesome crime scene photos on your coffee table, and you watch, barely able to keep your head up, as he flips your whiteboard over to its blank side. You’ll get his second opinion on the case tomorrow.
Leon sweeps the place with you in tow, and once the security system’s armed and you’re almost sagging against him, the lights come off. Though you’ve had plenty of time to adjust to the Leon that returned home from training, you’ll never get used to the little alien ticks it’s given him. He navigates to your bedroom in complete blackness. He avoids the creaky floorboard just outside your door without seeing, deathly silent. The broad presence of him looms in the dark.
One wall of the bedroom is nothing but paneled glass, throwing a long square of dark blue moonlight over your rumpled comforter. While the view of the Potomac and Capital Hill is stellar from up here, you’ve always felt out of place among the things Leon’s generous salary has earned the two of you: a flat with a private elevator in the nice part of town, fresh-off-the-press sports cars, a getaway cabin up north. So much of it you end up enjoying by yourself. It only ever feels worth it when he’s here, smacking his elbow into the digital wall-panel that controls your A/C.
“—s’ supposed to be a touch screen,” he sidebars himself for the tenth time. Softer, Leon adds, “Brush your teeth. I’ll be right there.”
You rope your arms around his middle and press your face into the heart of his back, careful of the bruises he’s doing his best to hide. “Wanna wait for you.”
Leon doesn’t protest. There’s more little beeps as he screws with the temperature of your mattress or something, deciding, “We live in a damn spaceship. Are we too good for plain old-fashioned buttons now?”
Apparently you are, since old man Leon fails to figure out how to crank the heat up. You let him play with it for a little while longer (it’s not his fault he’s rarely home), and then intervene with a few quick taps when things get dire. The heater hums to life under the floor a beat later, and he turns in your grip to scoff, mystified by your vast and incredible knowledge.
“My smart girl,” he hums.
Just that is enough to chip off a piece of your strength. Had he said that to you over the phone, a million miles away in god-knows-where, your knees would buckle. He is the only one who talks to you like that—with so much simple, uncomplicated love. Too tired to put your thoughts into words, you flatten a hand over his heart and kiss the sun-freckled nape of his neck.
“Clingy,” Leon mutters. You’re pretty sure it’s supposed to sound dry and funny, another one of his jokes. But then he’s smoothing both of his palms down your arms in two long handsy swaths, and the gesture tells you everything about just how clingy he’s feeling, too.
His stories make getting ready for bed an even slower affair. You couldn’t mind if you wanted to. As you help him out of his starchy dress-shirt button by button, he surprises you with a rare explanation of where he’s been for the last weeks. The UK. Truly, your husband is the special secret agent to end all special secret agents: he talks around his job as if it was a bump he’d hit on the way home, entertaining you instead with his Leon-ified vision of London. Touristy as shit. Loud as shit. Smelled like shit.
“Just like DC,” he chuckles, and then a second time when your fluffy head pops through the collar of the sleep shirt he’s dressing you in.
It’s too much rough, cinnamon spice laughter for one woman to stand. You duck away to brush your teeth and groan into your palms like a schoolgirl over him, but sure enough, Leon trails you, fingers chasing the hem of your shirt (his shirt) in a sleepy daze. He always keeps you in view. Nervous, maybe, to have you out of his sight.
This tradition continues when the two of you crawl into bed. Your eyes have adjusted to the darkness, and so has your body, able to sense him on the stupidly expensive mattress beside you. He thinks you can’t tell, but his gaze roves over you again and again—down your back when you flop face-first into the plush bedding, over the slope of your shoulder when you wiggle under the covers. Leon draws you into the glorious halo of his body heat with a gentle hand on your belly. If you could bottle this feeling, the whole world would be sick and stupid for him in hours. Minutes even.
You feel so safe that the word doesn’t even come to mind. Just vague, peaceful shapes of things you know, home, sleep, cologne, cozy. His work-rough palm with his body-warm wedding band slips under your tee to sweep over your ribs. Then comes Leon’s face, just on the right side of stubbly as he shoves it between your shoulder blades without a single lick of shame. The breath he takes of you is so heavy that his whole frame shudders with it, top to bottom.
You remember how you’d burrowed into his jacket the second he got home and think, You are me and I am you. We’re always on the same page.
With that, the stage is set. DC’s faraway glittering cityscape lights up all the raindrops on your window, and you watch them run as the two of you melt into one another. Leon’s warm breaths slow across your neck. Time for you to deliver your line.
You wet your lips and murmur into your pillow, “Do you want to talk about your mission?”
Legally, he can’t say yes. Government secrets, bureaucracy, yadda yadda. Leon isn’t always emotionally ready to crack open a coffin he’s just finished sealing, either, but while it is his job to close your case files for the night, you’re his wife. You’re the only person who can knock on that door. With how little choice he has left in his life, you try to give him options whenever you can. Regardless, you know the man you married—strong-willed on a mythical fucking level, and just as self-sacrificing. He’ll always try to spare you.
Sure enough, Leon says, “Tomorrow. Do you want to talk about your case?”
You shake your head at him, exhausted to the point of dizziness. “Tomorrow.”
A tender kiss is pressed to the nape of your neck, and the whole world goes silent for the perfect, husky whisper you’ve ached to hear. You feel his wry smile against your skin. “We’re always on the same page, baby.”
192 notes · View notes
whyse7vn · 9 months
Text
BABY FEVER -
[ ot7 x reader ]
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TAEHYUNG -
tae: have my cubs
y/n: STOP TALKING TO ME NOW
tae: i want 8
y/n: i’ve actually never been so srs in my life
let’s break up
like fr
i’m over this relationship i’m over you
tae: i can settle for 5 if it’s too much
y/n: let’s settle for a break up
tae: our little family 🥺
y/n: i would rather shoot myself
tae: why?
y/n: WHY?
are you really asking my why rn?
tae: yeah??
y/n: “have my cubs”
tae: i can’t get pregnant what is wrong with you
someone didn’t go to school 😭😭
y/n: who in their right mind says shit like that
tae: me??
y/n: stop talking to me
tae: babe
i’m being for real
y/n: i know
and i’m scared
tae: don’t be scared
i’ll protect you
and the kids
real alpha i am
y/n: stop
tae: are you getting emotional?
omg are you pregnant rn?????
hormones and that stuff?
is that what you wanted to say this whole time??
were you trying to hide it from me??
ur so cute >.<
y/n: i’m blocking you now
tae: we are gonna get through this together
do you think we need a bigger house?
y/n: genuinely are you ok in the head?
tae: ofc wtf??
i know ur not because of the pregnancy
but it’s okay
you don’t need to stress at all
i’ll think for the both of us
the love of ur life taetae be the sane one for the next 6 months
y/n: there is so much to unpack there
tae: omg have you been clothes shopping without me >.<
y/n: i am perfectly fine
you and sane don’t belong in the same sentence
never call yourself taetae again
and it’s 9 months not 6 you fucking idiot
tae: what is ur actual problem??
don’t swear around my child you’ll poison their mind
and i think i know more about babies than you do so just leave everything to me ok?
y/n: again i would rather shoot myself
tae: if you die i’ll protect the baby
y/n: there is no baby
tae: are you not ready to be a mother or something?
i swear we can do this babe
y/n: are you actually listening to me??
tae: ofc i am??
y/n: …
tae: i’m omw home btw can’t wait to see you both!!!!!!!
y/n: it’s like you only take in the information you want to hear
tae: i love you too
y/n: or maybe you just can’t read
tae: <333333333
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YOONGI -
yoongi: no
y/n: i don’t like when you read my mind like that
yoongi: no
y/n: i’m gonna ask anyways
yoongi: no
y/n: let’s have a baby 😁🙏🏽
yoongi: no
y/n: if we don’t have a baby now ur gonna be an old dad
ur gonna die before our baby turns 10
we don’t want that do we?
think of all the precious memories you’ll miss
yoongi: i’m fine with that
y/n: are you really?
yoongi: …
no
y/n: let’s have a baby rn
yoongi: but that’s so much work
y/n: #inittogether
our little baby made out of our love for each other
isn’t that sososoos cute yoongi 🥺
yoongi: i guess
y/n: so we’re having a baby?
yoongi: go away
y/n: ur not saying no
i’m taking this as a yes
i continue to win in this life
yoongi: what if you die before me
and i’m left with a baby?
y/n: the old thing really got to you huh?
yoongi: no i’m just saying you might die first
y/n: there is no way i’m dying first
ur literally 30
yoongi: and???
y/n: like jin is ur age mate that’s saying aLOT
yoongi: ur pissing me off
y/n: okay old bitch
yoongi: you expect me to have children with you after you bully me??
y/n: pls put me in ur will
i’m in jin’s yk?
yoongi: why are you in jin’s will?
y/n: why? mad ur not?
yoongi: how do you know i’m not
in his will?
matter of fact why tf does he have a will??
y/n: aren’t you an inquisitive one
yoongi: saying big words doesn’t make you look smart
y/n: jin knows it’s almost his time
you better start writing yours
yoongi: leaving everything to holly
y/n: i’ll literally cook holly
yoongi: what is wrong with you
y/n: i am not with child rn
that’s what’s wrong
yoongi: that sounded gross
never say that again
y/n: i’ve come to the conclusion that ur my biggest enemy
yoongi: i’m glad you know
y/n: ur dying
yoongi: ur next
y/n: don’t ever say that
i’m literally in my prime
yoongi: ur prime?
couldn’t tell
y/n: find someone else to carry your children
i can no longer stand the idea of mini yous running around
yoongi: ok :(
y/n: ??
don’t frown at me
you brought this on urself
yoongi: 😔
y/n: you bitch
yoongi: come make a baby with me 😄
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NAMJOON -
y/n: let’s have a child
namjoon: ok
y/n: i lied
namjoon: oh
y/n: what is wrong with you
namjoon: what is wrong with you?
y/n: did adding a question mark make you feel better bitch??
namjoon: very
y/n: this is why i lie to you
namjoon: that’s not nice
y/n: ur literally a nasty little gaslighter
namjoon: i’m not?
y/n: you are?
namjoon: if anything ur the gaslighter
y/n: fake claims i’ll sue
namjoon: you tell me you want to have children and then you tell me ur lying or you never said that
y/n: what is ur actual issue i’ve never said i want kids??
if you want kids ig we can talk about it but i’ve literally never brought that up
namjoon: see?
y/n: i see very clearly actually 20/20 vision the eye people told me
namjoon: you wear glasses?
y/n: occasionally
like what is ur issue?
ur so obsessed with me it’s not right
namjoon: ig i’m a little obsessed
y/n: it’s really not right
wait…
don’t you fucking wear glasses
what is ur issue four eyes???
namjoon: i do
i’ve never claimed to have 20/20 vision
y/n: ur blind as hell
namjoon: maybe i don’t want to have kids with you
they fr won’t be able to see anything
y/n: HOW DARE YOU SAY YOI DONT WANT KIDS WITH ME
YOURE SICK IN TBE HEAD
namjoon: put ur glasses on
ur spelling stuff wrong
y/n: it’s my charm
namjoon: not wearing ur glasses?
y/n: we need to go on a break
namjoon: how can we go on a break when we have kids to take care of?
y/n: and you say ur not a gaslighter?
what if i was a weak woman and fell for ur sick lies
namjoon: we would have kids by now
y/n: ur messed up
that’s so messed up
namjoon: shoot me
y/n: don’t say stuff like that
cuz i will
then you’ll be mad
and dead
namjoon: what are you bothering me for?
y/n: can i not just message my bf like omg?
namjoon: you miss me or something?
y/n: not anymore
namjoon: cute
y/n: fuck ur cute
namjoon: accepting a compliment won’t kill you yk?
y/n: stop communicating with me
namjoon: you messaged me first?
y/n: no i didn’t
namjoon: whatever
y/n: omg don’t speak to me like you hate me i’ll kms
namjoon: so kids?
y/n: idk what ur on about tbh
namjoon: fine
y/n: fine
namjoon: fine?
y/n: fine?
namjoon: idk what you want from me
y/n: children
namjoon: you stop communicating with me
y/n: wow
namjoon: yeah
y/n: ur a LOSER
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SEOKJIN -
jin: it’s time we reproduce
y/n: no
jin: no?
this would be a blessing to many
y/n: ok??
jin: ok?
i’ll just kms then
if you hate me just say that
y/n: i hate you
jin: what is ur problem???
y/n: what’s urs??
you told me to say it
jin: i said if you hate me
IF
y/n: ???
jin: oh my god
leave me alone
y/n: oh my god by gidle
jin: you have to stop speaking to hobi
y/n: why :(
jin: ur starting to talk like him
and it’s gross
the mother of my children a hoseok clone??
no thank you
y/n: what children??
jin: you need to keep up
we are having kids
y/n: but you said mother of your children
like as in you have kids rn
and last time i checked i never gave birth
who is this other woman seokjin???
jin: ew why would you say my full name like that
y/n: why would you cheat on me?
jin: bored?
y/n: all men are the same
jin: i am like no other man
y/n: true you dumb as hell
jin: now ur talking shit
y/n: maybe the shit talks you
jin: what
y/n: what
jin: can we make babies pls
y/n: ew
you actually make me wanna throw up
jin: wtf
this is why i don’t talk to you
y/n: you talk to me everyday?
in fact you loose ur mind if you don’t talk to me for more than 2 hours
jin: you literally have no proof
once again ur talking SHIT
y/n: don’t raise ur voice at me tf
jin: see you would be such a good mother
that’s such a parent thing to say
lowkey got me feeling a little hot and bothered rn 🙈
i’m sorry
you might need to put me in my place again mommy 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙉🙉🙉
y/n: what the fuck
jin: you’re not into it???
y/n: how can you go from talking about children to sex?
jin: don’t say that makes me sound like a perv
y/n: you are a perv
jin: no i’m not
ur just lame
like you need to have sex to have children
i was just helping start the process
y/n: you’ve got like a screw loose or something
jin: stop speaking to me in riddles
or don’t
i do love a smart girl 😉
y/n: stop speaking to me like a bitch in heat
jin: people lame nowadays
by people i mean you
y/n: cry about it
jin: i just might
y/n: good
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JUNGKOOK -
y/n: do you want to have a baby?
jk: doesn’t giving birth hurt?
y/n: so?
jk: i don’t want you to get hurt
y/n: life is pain
jk: i’ll give birth
y/n: that’s not how it works
jk: pls let me do it
y/n: ok
jk: thank you
y/n: ur welcome
jk: do you think i’ll look good pregnant?
y/n: idk
jk: will you still love me when i get big?
y/n: i might leave you if you get pregnant
jk: wtf?
y/n: it might creep me out
jk: why wtf
y/n: i don’t want to imagine you pregnant
jk: but our baby ☹️
y/n: i would rather never have kids than see you pregnant
jk: wow
you think i would be that ugly
y/n: i’m sorry
jk: are you?
y/n: ummm
jk: ok then
y/n: we can always adopt
jk: but that’s not my baby
y/n: legally they would be
jk: we won’t have the same spit
y/n: the same spit?
jk: yk like our insides won’t be the same
y/n: ur dna?
jk: yeah my dna
y/n: ur not supposed to have the exact same dna as ur baby anyways
jk: okay but it’s like a mix of us
and a adopted one would have no mix at all
y/n: so what do you want to do?
jk: give birth
y/n: i really don’t think it’s possible babe
jk: i will do it
y/n: sure
jk: why don’t you believe in me?
y/n: i do
jk: act like it
y/n: wooo?
jk: not good enough
y/n: sorry i’m tired
jk: ok?
y/n: fuck you?
jk: i’m about to have a baby and ur talking to me like that?
y/n: i’ll believe it when i see it
jk: so you fr don’t believe in me?
y/n: yeah
not one bit of belief in me
jk: crazy how people switch up
when you want to come back into me and MY babies lives we won’t let you
y/n: i’m crying
honestly
jk: i’m glad
y/n: i’m actually not
i don’t care at all
and that’s the truth
jk: so you just lie for fun
y/n: pretty much
jk: wow
ur crazy
y/n: 4 u
jk: waittt why am i blushing rn 😖
are you in love with me be honest?
y/n: idk…
jk: oh
y/n: embarrassing…
ur just a fuck buddy tbh
jk: for 8 years i’ve been a fuck buddy?
y/n: yur
jk: are you lying to me?
y/n: i could be
jk: i could be pregnant rn
y/n: are you?
jk: no
but i could be
y/n: are you lying to me?
jk: yeah :(
y/n: it’s okay
jk: is it really??
y/n: you don’t want me to answer that
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JIMIN -
y/n: i’ve been getting congratulation texts all day today
jimin: omg people are so crazy wtf 😭?
y/n: i’m fr so confused
did we win an award i didn’t know about or something??
jimin: maybe idk lol
y/n: would it be rude if i asked what tf they’re talking about?
jimin: unbelievably rude
don’t do it
i’m for real
y/n: but i wanna know
jimin: just accept the congrats and go
y/n: do you know something i don’t?
jimin: wtf no?
y/n. ur lying
jimin: i’m not
y/n: jimin
jimin: love of my life
apple of my eye
babe
y/n: tell me
jimin: omg i LOVE that song
tell me tell me ttttell me
y/n: now
jimin: sorry idk what ur talking about
hello??
babe?
where did you go?
come back
talk to me
y/n: YOU TOLD PEOPLE I WAS PREGNANT???
jimin: I TOLD YOU NOT TO ASK
WAHT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
y/n: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
jimin: i’m preparing people for the future
y/n: ??????????
i’m NOT pregnant
jimin: you will be when i’m done with you ;)
y/n: wtf is wrong with you
jimin: a lot
y/n: i can tell
jimin: do you think i’m ugly be honest
y/n: right now yes
jimin: so you think i’m pretty other times 🥺🥺🥺
let’s have a baby
y/n: no
jimin: okay wtf
why not
y/n: ur literally about to be shipped off
you want to leave me with a baby??
jimin: why would you say that
now i’m upset
i’ll take the baby with me
y/n: …
jimin: no?
y/n: no
jimin: fine
our baby would be lowkey ugly anyways
y/n: excuse me?
jimin: problem?
y/n: why would our baby be ugly??
jimin: i mean…
y/n: you mean????
jimin: ur gonna have to just prove me wrong babe
y/n: ur not funny
jimin: did i make a joke???
y/n: you are the joke
jimin: i actually am not the joke
i never joke
super serious guy park jimin is
super shy too
new jeans core >.<
y/n: i’m done with you
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HOSEOK -
y/n: baby?
hobi: me?
y/n: no like an actual baby
hobi: ur having one?
congrats!!!!!
y/n: no??
i’m not having one
hobi: oh
i’m sorry for ur loss
y/n: there was no loss
hobi: oh
was there a gain?
y/n: do you want there to be?
hobi: depends on the gain
y/n: the gain would be a baby
hobi: yikesss
that’s a pretty lame gain
why would i want you to have a baby?
y/n: um because you love me?
hobi: i wouldn’t be the father
i don’t see the point
y/n: ???
why wouldn’t you be the father?
hobi: i thought you were asking me if you could have a baby with someone else
y/n: what?
hobi: what?
i’m confused
y/n: I’M confused
hobi: why are we confused??
y/n: why would i ask you if i could have a baby with someone else???
hobi: feminism?
tho i do think it would be more of a feminist move if you didn’t ask me
ur spirt was in the right place tho
i’m sure the women will forgive you
y/n: what?
hobi: was i wrong??
y/n: what do you think?
hobi: it’s not my place to decide for a strong woman like urself
y/n: get a grip
hobi: grip gotten
y/n: is this ur way of dodging my baby proposal?
hobi: a baby what?
that sounds wrong
tf is a baby doing proposing???
ur a baby like drink milk or something
y/n: are you drunk??
hobi: nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
y/n: so ur tipsy?
hobi: tipsy topsy who cares
y/n: i do
i’m trying to ask you if you want to have a baby with me oh my god
hobi: omg do you love me or something???
that’s so crazy
y/n: bye have fun drinking
hobi: drinking heals me
y/n: that’s concerning
hobi: will i be a good dad
y/n: i’m sure you will
hobi: or will i kill myself due to the stress
y/n: oh
hobi: let’s find out babe
i’m ready
y/n: that did not sound like ready talk to me
we can talk about this tomorrow
hobi: if we think about it what can a baby do that i can’t???
y/n: keep me company
hobi: i do that all the time
do you hate me
if you hate me say 1
if you hate me and want me dead in a ditch by saturday night say 7
y/n: where are you right now?
hobi: jin’s house
i think
y/n: you think?
anyways
that’s the point
i’m all alone a baby would never leave me to go drink with jin
hobi: jin would be dead by the time our baby was born
he’s old
dojn’t tell him i said that
he might kick me out
i would be so upset
like this :cccccccccccc
and this 😭😭😭😪😓😓😓😰😰😨😨
WOAHHH THIJS DRINK HITTING OH MY GOD BABE WOW
FEELS LIKE I JUST DID COKE
OH MY GOF
not that i’ve done cokr befr don’t be scared of me babe
y/n: wow okay!
hobi: babies can’t even dance to dynamite i don’t see why you would want that in ur life
and i totally can dance to dynamite
sO i win
y/n: you are so right babe you go and have fun with jin!
hobi: see ur just so silly
and btw i realllly donnt do coke i swear it
y/n: 7
hobi: OH MY GIF I KNEW ITT
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