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moongothic · 4 months

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Crocodad AU where immidiately after having left Dragon and his baby boy Crocodile finds an 11 year old Robin. And while he's 100% only recruiting her so they can make a beeline for the Poneglyph and Pluton in Alabasta by the two of them... Crocodile accidentally sorta kinda adopts Robin.

At this point Robin's been running for her life from the Government for three years so her deep trust issues and fear of betrayal are starting to take root in her little heart. Like perhaps they haven't taken fully over yet, and being still a child I'm sure Robin might've still had that genuine hope that she could find a safe place to stay in. But I'm sure the though of "what'll he'll do with me once he gets what he wants?" would be nagging at her at the back of her mind. Meanwhile Crocodile's struggling between the pain and hurt he's already gone through and given him his trademark trust issues, as well as the aftermath of The Dragodile Divorce. But he also has his Fresh Paternal Instincts and probably misses his baby. So when given a small, scared child who is running for her life, being chased by the very same Government that'll want his son dead if they ever find out about him... Yeah that might fuck with your brain a little

You know this post was supposed to be just that first paragraph and just a few footnotes from the following two paragraphs. And then I kept on Having Thoughts. And I kept on writing them down. And oh no what happened when did this post get so long (Look I was going to either kept on writing my Additional Thoughts in the tags or I just put them in the actual fucking post)

Like considder this: based on this one SBS, we can kinda tell that if Crocodile was given a chance to raise a child, that child would be a spoiled little shit, right

So in this scenario, where Crocodile's looking after lil Robin, would he be kind of torn? Unsure how to feel about her?

Because on one hand, this strange child would have the potential to not only ruin his plans, strip him of his Shichibukai Privileges by outing him and his plans to the World Government, but also put his son in grave danger by extension (if she found out about him having been involved with the Revolutionaries and/or having a child). But on the other hand, his paternal instincts could make him want to spoil this poor little girl rotten. But only because he needs to (perhaps literally) buy her trust so she'll behave. No other reason, he doesn't feel sorry for her one bit, no sirree. (But maybe he did feel sorry for her, since his son could very well end up exactly like her. Poor little thing) (Which is why he needs to nuke Marijoa out of orbit as soon as possible, no matter the cost, and this child can't get in the way of Crocodile protecting his son) (But also this is a child. Like how bad could she be. Besides all he really needs to do to win her trust is be nice and make her feel safe, right?)

Of course, while I'm suggesting Crocodile could have some parental instincts, realistically, he hasn't actually spent any time being, you know, a father to a child (looking after his newborn for an unknown though short amount of time aside), so it's possible he wouldn't even know how to parent Robin even if he wanted to, would he? (Like taking care of a newborn and an 11 year old kid aren't the same either) So if he was kind of just emotionally flipflopping between No Trusting Ever and It's Just A Kid for God's Sake, Crocodile trying to be nice to Robin to make her feel safe and then telling himself to stop being so soft and vunerable... Yeah that would make for an absolute mess of a relationship. (Not to mention, let's be real, dude's a scary motherfucker too, and a bloody giant compared to itty bitty baby Robin. He could keep on accidentally scaring the shit out of Robin (who would be On Fucking Edge To Begin With) by just Being Himself. Like for example, can you fucking imagine if he caught Robin trying to cheer herself up with a little "dereshishishi" only to tell her to stop because "it was stupid"? 'Cause I can imagine him doing that, and boy howdy would that make Robin feel bad)

Or who knows, maybe Crocodile was just Born To Be A Dad, maybe he just Fucking Gets It. Like Crocodile is canonically pretty good at manipulating people to do what he wants them to do (see: how he played Vivi like a fiddle), so knowing Robin's position and understanding how she feels, maybe he COULD completely nail how she needed to be treated. Not being too familiar but still making her feel safe and happy, knowing exactly when to be stern and when to spoil her, etc. Dude just goes off and wins the Dad of the Year Award while being a deadbeat dad himself. The only thing Crocodile would have to worry about then would be making sure HE doesn't get too fond of her. And certainly that could never happen, he's so in-touch with his own feelings and so grounded, he's not a softie, get outta here. Or maybe he does but never realizes until it's too late and good luck backpedalling on those emotions now dumbass

Alright so, the reason I went on that whole rmble is just that like. I'm so interested in the relationship Robin and Crocodile already have in canon. I'm so facinated and curious about how the two feel about each other, considdering they did spend 4 whole years of their lives together as criminal business partners, though neither ever trusted the other. A partnership that was only ended because Robin betrayed Crocodile, out of her own trauma. (God, I want to see these two "reunite" so bad, I want to know how they feel about each other now after the timeskip and Robin joining the idiot in flipflops who foiled Croc's plans)

My question here is just that... if they had met 13 years earlier, would things have been different? Especially if Crocodad Real? Because as I mentioned in the begining, Robin would've been on the run for only 3 years by this point, as opposed to 16 years before running into Crocodile. Simultaneously, this would be before Crocodile went onto spend an entire decade all alone, slowly losing his marbles in his emotional solitude. They'd both be emotionally traumatized, yes, but would it have been as bad in this scenario? Like I did start this post kind of joking about Crocodile adopting Robin, and for clarity's sake I don't think they'd have like a father-daughter relationship nececarily. But it would be a strange relationship still, because we'd have two broken people, both struggling to trust anyone. One who had lost her mother and her only friends, leaving her all alone and afraid while running for her life. The other a father who had just given up his son whom he probably missed dearly. Both having these holes in their hearts from loss of family, holes that could not be filled with replacements. But could they find comfort in each other anyway, because they still as people occupy similar roles to their respective loved ones? If they both could just get over those trust issues?

Okay I've been going off on the Emotional Side Of Things for this AU Concept, THERE'S PLOT TOO

So if Crocodile did pick Robin up like 19 years ago, that should be before he set up base in Alabasta, long before he had built is homebase and financial empire etc.

Now the thing is, while we don't know when, where and how Crocodile learned about the Ancient Weapons, Pluton specifically and how the lead on it would be in Alabasta... Considdering Crocodile did once upon a time aim to become Pirate King, it would make perfect sense if he had learned about Poneglyphs during his past adventures, as he would have needed to get the Road Poneglyphs to find One Piece. And while the World Government did bury the truth about why Ohara had been burned down and why Robin had been given her bounty (remember, the WG claimed it was because she had sunken a fleet of battleships, which she had not, it was because she could read the Poneglyphs), considdering this is a Crocodad AU specifically, you could totally make an argument Crocodile could've learned about what actually happened to Ohara from Dragon and co. So, just to make this AU work, you could just assume Crocodile learned about the concept of the Ancient Weapons from Dragon. And who knows, maybe he overheard the truth about why Robin had been given her bounty from Dragon too (maybe Dragon was able to get intel from Garp in secret) or while going to Marijoa himself to attend a Shichibukai meeting or something IDK.

Maybe he learned about Pluton being in Alabasta before finding Robin by accident, and maybe they made a beeline for Alabasta the second Croc recruited Robin. Travelling takes time and the guy would've most likely had to find an Eternal Pose to Alabasta just to get there (also canonically Robin didn't enter the Grand Line until her 20s so they should've met in West Blue probably, since that's where Ohara was) Or maybe Crocodile had to haul Robin around for a few months while looking for That Missing Piece of Information that would lead him to Alabasta. (Imagine the two travelling from like island to island, library to library, Crocodile trying to find that leads while Robin's just so excited about ALL THESE BOOKS (she's helping too with the research) (but to her, research is playtime, so she's just having the time of her life) (Also, notice how Crocodile's Theoretical Child is a fucking loser ass nerd? Yeah Crocodile would encourage Robin reading and studying, surely. And that would be fucking cute))

But like, once they set sail to Alabasta...

Sure, Crocodile could try to do it The Slow Way that we know he tried in canon, building trust and creating his little empire etc. But also, in canon, Crocodile couldn't have jumped into action head first because without Robin, even if he had found the Poneglyph he couldn't have read it and found the location of Pluton. Crocodile choosing to do it the slow way may have been partially because he didn't have much of a choise and it could've felt like the smarter move long-term.

But in this scenario, he already has Robin. Yes, he could do it the slow, secure way.

But what'd be there stopping him from infiltrating Cobra's palace and kidnapping him (in the night, when nobody suspects a thing), demanding Cobra to spill the beans lest Crocodile kills him and/or his pregnant wife* (*Vivi was born 10 months after Luffy so depending on how long it's been between Crocodad leaving Luffy behind and this scenario... Yeah either the wife is there, still pregnant, or there's a newborn Baby Vivi)

Like it'd be a risky move but depending on how ballsy Croc's feeling and how confident he feels in being able to kidnap the king without being noticed... Yeah he could probably do it. And I'm sure he'd have no problem killing Cobra either, if anything it'd be required if he didn't want the Government to find out he was out to find Pluton, and god knows Cobra would tell on Crocodile if left alive. I could see Crocodad being maybe a little iffy about killing Baby Vivi though (it's not like the newborn baby could report him to the WG anyways), but if nothing else, he just needs to be able to pull off the bluff of his life to convince Cobra to do as he's told. And we all know Crocodile's good at convincing people.

The only question is, how would Robin take that?

Watching Crocodile go into Full Murder Mode, hearing him say he'd kill a pregnant woman/a newborn baby if he didn't get what he wanted? Like yeah, I'm sure 11 year old Robin would be fine with that, that wouldn't make any alarm bells go off in her head at all, it'd be fiiiine. IT WOULD NOT BE FINE, SHE'D BE SCARED SHITLESS. That fear of "what will he do with me when he gets what he wants"? Well, Robin may not have found the answer to that question in particular, but she certainly found the answer to the opposite question, and it's not good

So say Cobra, kidnapped (perhaps with Baby Vivi) by Crocodile in the night, guides the two to the Poneglyph under the tombs. Crocodile puts Cobra out of his misery because he's not needed anymore. And he asks Robin to read the Poneglyph for him.

Robin, who has spent the last little while, be it weeks or months with Crocodile, him having become her "guardian", the thing keeping her safe. Crocodile, who has now shown how cold blooded and cruel he can be. Robin, who might be scared out of her mind. Of him.

And the Poneglyph says Pluton, the thing Crocodile wants, isn't there. It's in Wano.

What's she going to do?

EDIT: I wrote a sequel post, enjoy

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #Crocodad #Nico Robin #THIS POST WAS AN ACCIDENT. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED. WHY DID I WRITE THIS. WHAT DEMON POSSESSED ME #I'm sure someone's written this already right #Right #Surely this fanfic already exists #Please tell me it exists #I dunno what to tell you I am not immune to a Juicy AU #Anyway on a more wholesome side of things: Robin accidentally calling Crocodile ''dad'' and he just inhales and swallows his whole cigar #Nearly chockes to death. Gets burns on his throat.#Robin feeling less alienated because of her DF ability because Croc has seen weirder AND is made of sand himself #If anything if they're literally by themselves then Robin being able to literally lend a hand to Croc at any time could be extremely useful #Like. In regular life situations. 'Cause Croc only has one hand. And Robin as many as she wants. Perfect duo.#(Also if they were travelling on like a small ship then it'd probably be built for a Tall Motherfucker like Croc right)#(Robin's ability would just make the ship more accessible to her and Croc would find that independence good)#Robin still gets a codename because Croc can't have anyone realize who she is. Maybe she even wears like a mask or summin' in public #If Crocodile's openly trans and the news of him transitioning recently broke out. Like. No avoiding that convo eh #Baby Robin's like ''...I read in a book once that some reptiles can change sex but I didn't know crocodiles could do it too''#''💦.../Humans/ can't do that normally either''#''Hmmmm. Weird. I don't think being a girl would suit you though'' // ''...I'll take that as a compliment''#I just. I think they could have really cute interactions if they warmed up to each other after a little while #And I'm Extremely Normal about that

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sexy-dance-fighting · 9 months

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My copy of the Danny Phantom graphic novel hasn't arrived yet, but based on isolated images I've seen without context, this is basically what happens right ???

I know they obtain cowboy hats and trauma

#danny phantom #Glitch in time #Graphic novel #I have no idea if Vlad gets a cowboy outfit too but I hope so #Not tagging under spoilers bc i dunno what happens #Unless knowing Danny gets a lil cowboy hat spoils the whole graphic novel for you #Then I'm deeply sorry #But if anything Danny having a little cowboy hat should make you wanna buy the book more #dp #GiT

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sketchy-tour · 7 months

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I dunno what happened, but one moment I was lining Dandy and then suddenly I was drawing Actor au Wally looking all sour and cute. .... ANYWAY- Actor/Diva Wally belongs to @frillsand jnkfsdnjdjnkfggfd

Self indulgent Dandy insert under cut-

SO I HAVENT SAT DOWN AND, like, actually designed actor Dandy. But I have a lot of silly ideas as to what makes them different than original Dandy. Stupid one is actor Dandy doesn't actually need glasses so has a habit of sliding those suckers on the top of their head after shoots and forgetting they're there. I WONT INFO DUMP IT ALL HERE cause that would be annoying for yall, time and place.

I'll just keep it to, actor Dandy and Wally have a complicated ass relationship where they have a habit of hurting each others feelings. I have a spotify playlist already. And I'll end it there-

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novakiart · 2 months

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the comedy of errors continues. or: I had to draw out my tags from part one sorry

#spideypool #peter parker #wade wilson #Deadpool #spider-man #what happens next!!!#choose your own adventure #becoz i dunno #mine

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radiance1 · 5 months

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Danny: Your mother!

Vlad: My mother is dead, Daniel.

Danny:

Vlad: She shoved me into a closet while saying that we were playing hiding and seek, and me, the oblivious boy I was then, obliged and was excited, not at all questioning that she knew where I was hidden.

Danny: Vlad-

Vlad: Then I watched on helplessly through a crack in the closet door as she was brutally stabbed to death right before my very eyes, terror running through my veins and fear gripping my mouth to keep it closed. I couldn't turn away, as I had a front row seat to each and every scream that they tore from her as blood slowly melted into the carpet.

Danny: Dude-

Vlad: Then I saw the life drain from her eyes and leave nothing behind but an empty husk that once was and the killer standing on top of her body. Before they left, I remember staring at her for an unknown amount of time before the police came and escorted me outside.

Vlad: Sometimes I wonder what difference it would have made if I stepped out of that closet.

Danny:

Vlad:

Danny:

Vlad: Anywho, enough about that. Would you like some cupcakes Daniel?

Danny, disturbed: Uh.... sure....?

Vlad: Great, vanilla or chocolate? Or perhaps lemon with some buttercream?

Danny: Lemon with buttercream please.

Vlad, going to his kitchen: Wonderful, wait one moment.

Danny is currently questioning how the hell a simple your mother joke forced him into a lore dump of his mother's death. On the bright side, at least he'll get some cupcakes out of it?

Dick: So, is your godfather always like this?

No matter what anyone says, Danny did NOT scream because he genuinely forgot that Dick was there, nor would he ever admit to being scared, because he wasn't scared.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover #I dunno I just thought it was funny #This is a redeem!Vlad this here #I have no idea what happened to Vlad's parents in canon #But we'll just wishwash this as an au #I was also considering Vlad ending his lore dump but saying “And she was a bitch” or “I'm surprised she still loved me”#But #Shrugs #Mah

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u3pxx · 6 months

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[bad omens] you know how it is with me and body swaps and roleswaps orz

#good omens #den's bad omens #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable partners #ineffable spouses #good omens roleswap #good omens reverse #nothings set in stone im just having fun with the what ifs of this au DFGHD #ANYWAYS #shoutout to aziraphale 'physical touch' fell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i just think that. im unsure if aziraphale would tell crowley what happened in *his* execution but he sure would be bad at hiding it DGHJD #but i can see the scenario of him like. the floodgates opening like 'oh CROWLEY dear boy it was AWFUL i i didnt know that your-#fellow angels think that- [fast paced rambling]'#i dunno. i can see him being emotional about him in front of crowley #but also its them and these idiots dont talk so it could go either way really asksksks #fun to think about nevertheless!#demon aziraphale #angel crowley #id in alt text #described

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cowardlykrow · 9 days

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"Hah, dude doesn't even know he's in my tamagotchi."

#For some reason he gave me early 2000s vibes as i was drawing him? So of course I turned his box into a tamagotchi✨#Tinky #I don't care about cannon lore or timelines... all i know is this version of Tinky would torment the SHIT out of College ted.#t’noy karaxis #Nightmare time #time bastard #thinks i proof read it: writes always twice #hatchetfield #Heheh - Silly slushie idea came from @yourlocalabomination #and Edgelord Tinky convo idea came from @raftersomefood #God this particular Human tinky would talk so annoying... SOOO Dude-Bro 💛#Anyway i guess i should have tried making him look like curt instead of winging it cuz everyone thought i was drawing Goat ted???#I do think he came out too thin - I dunno know what happened #(PS. feel free to find me on insta for some close ups [same user] and follow me for my annoying stories where i post shitty progress pics)

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mizzyislost · 29 days

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so i heard it was a certain silly slug game's birthday

#yes i will keep harkening back to my first piece of rain world art all the time no you cant stop me #sorry i didnt have anything prepared for this </333 #i forgoet.................#anyways shoutout this game for being one of the best games i never played #double shoutout the awesome community im so sorry i stopped. doing anything rain world but you guys always hold a special place in my heart #honestly pushed me to draw and create more at a weird time in my life so. huge thanks for that #i dunno why im actually giving some speech here i just really like rain world crazy that its. 7 years old. what.#how did that happen #rain world #rain world downpour #rainworld #slugcat #yeah we got the slugcat tag theres a lot of those guys here #various meanderings

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misc-obeyme · 7 months

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Hello hello!!! I just saw your kink/flufftober post and wondered if I could request “biting” with barbatos? It can be either fluff of nsfw, whichever gets the creative juices flowing more! As always, love the work you do here, thank you!!!!

Hello and thank you I'm so glad you're enjoying my writing! <3

I was doing so well keeping within my word count limit until now. I can't act like I'm surprised, it's Barbatos we're talking about lol. And I decided to use this as a kink prompt because ooooof I love biting. So you know, having two things I very much enjoy as a prompt ended up with something slightly longer than perhaps intended. But I think it turned out okay still!

Thank you for submitting a prompt!

KINKTOBER 2023

GN!MC x Barbatos

NSFW MDNI

Warnings: biting, a little bit of blood, oral and penetration (both reader receiving)

You were in the kitchen at the Demon Lord's Castle, helping Barbatos make red velvet cupcakes. Since it was a flavor from the human world, you had agreed to help out with making them, passing final judgment on how they turned out. You were currently mixing the red food coloring into the batter. While the recipe you had used was a classic red velvet recipe, the bright color of the cake still needed that extra vibrancy from the food coloring.

Barbatos was beside you, mixing vanilla into the frosting.

Normally, Barbatos entered a sort of flow when baking. It was almost meditative, the way he moved around the kitchen so easily. But at that moment, you noticed that he seemed a little distracted. Certainly the frosting was looking delicious, but he seemed to be focused elsewhere.

You stopped what you were doing and looked over at him. He froze, meeting your eyes for a moment before flicking his gaze down to your fingers.

You looked down at your hands and saw that they were covered in red food coloring.

You laughed a little. "Sorry," you said. "I'm making a mess, huh? Is that why you're so distracted?"

Barbatos closed his eyes and frowned. "You needn't apologize, MC. I'm afraid seeing that brilliant red on your skin has made me think of things I shouldn't."

You were puzzled by this response. You cocked your head curiously. "Such as…?"

Barbatos opened his eyes and the hunger you saw there made heat run through you. Barbatos put down the spatula he'd been using to mix the vanilla into the frosting and took one of your hands instead. He brought it to his lips and kissed away some of the red. The way it painted his lips was so sensual your knees went weak.

You let out a little gasp as Barbatos circled behind you, putting his red stained lips to your neck. You had to grip the kitchen counter for support as he sucked for a moment, his arms going around your waist.

Barbatos let his teeth scrape gently across your skin as he pulled his lips away. "Forgive me, MC. I am not sure what has come over me."

His arms moved as if he was about to move away from you, but you put both of your hands on them. You didn't care that you were likely getting red food coloring on him. You just wanted to hold him in place. "Don't stop."

Barbatos pressed himself into you and there was no mistaking the erection you felt against you as he put his lips back on your neck.

You moaned as he bit down gently, as though he couldn't resist but he also didn't want to hurt you too much.

You deliberately pushed yourself back against him, making it clear that you knew how turned on he already was.

Barbatos laughed softly against your neck. "What is it you would like from me, MC?"

"I want you to bite harder," you said.

Barbatos put his lips on your ear. "As you wish."

A tingle ran up your spine at the sound of his voice in your ear. He turned you around in his arms, then lifted you bodily. He set you down on the kitchen counter, on a spot that was far away from where you had been attempting to make red velvet cupcakes.

In moments, Barbatos had removed your clothes and put his lips on your inner thighs. Your hands flew to his head, fingers running through his hair. You gasped and tried desperately not to pull when he bit down on the sensitive skin there, harder than before just as you had asked. He worked his way up your thigh, biting the whole time, making you gasp and whine as he did.

When he finally put his tongue between your legs, you cried out his name, your legs squeezing around his head involuntarily. He stayed there for a long time, but he never let you get too close to orgasming.

Barbatos finally stood up, causing you to whine and grip at his arms unhappily. You squirmed on the counter top as you tried to pull him closer to you. He obliged, moving closer to stand between your knees.

Barbatos reached out and put his fingertips to your neck where he had been biting it earlier. He wasn't wearing his gloves, of course, he had taken them off long before you even started baking. Now his fingers were covered in the red food coloring.

"Barbatos," you said as you pulled on his pants, unzipping them and pulling out his cock. You rubbed it in your hands for a moment before looking at him. "Please."

"Normally I would not allow such a mess to occur on my kitchen counter," Barbatos said quietly, putting his hands on either side of you and leaning in to your neck once again. "But I'm afraid you've awakened something in me, MC."

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders in an attempt to pull him closer. You realized that the counter here was a bit lower than it was in most of the other places in the kitchen. Which meant that you were at the perfect height. You smirked a little when you realized that Barbatos knew exactly what he was doing when he placed you here.

The smirk was gone in an instant as Barbatos pressed his cock into you, his teeth leaving marks on your neck at the same time, his hands gripping your hips. You had to hold on because as soon as he was inside you, Barbatos did not hold back. You felt your entire body heat up as he thrust fast and hard, his teeth continuing down your neck. He reached up to pull your top out of the way so he could bite down your shoulder.

The sweetness of his cock inside you mixed with the pleasurable pain of his teeth was almost too much sensation. You couldn't hold still and you couldn't keep quiet. You were already close from when he was using his tongue and it wasn't long before you were crying out, clamping hard around him. You felt his cum inside you only moments later.

When Barbatos pulled away to look at you, the red of the food coloring was still bright against his lips, but there was a slightly darker red next to it now. He leaned back in and kissed the bite marks he had left.

"Your blood is much prettier than this food coloring," he said softly in your ear. "I do hope I did not hurt you too much by drawing it."

You sighed against him, leaning your head on his shoulder. "Next time you can add the food coloring to the batter."

Barbatos chuckled, taking your face in his hands and kissing you. Later you would need to wash the red off your hands as well as your lips, cheeks, neck, and thighs.

flufftober | kinktober | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

taglist: @anxious-chick @t0tallycoolname @libidinous-weeb

#apparently Barbatos only allows sex in the kitchen when he can't control himself #which seems to happen when there's food coloring involved?#I dunno I just write what the smut muse brings me #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me smut #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos smut #om barbatos #barbatos obey me #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me barbatos x mc #obey me x reader #misc kinktober 2023 #misc naughty times #misc writes

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livwritesstuff · 1 month

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Steve is fighting a losing battle.

He’s fighting it regardless – there's something kind of courageous about that, he thinks.

Or maybe it’s just stupid.

Steve doesn’t care, he’s gonna fight it anyway.

The battle involves the stairs – the landing, to be specific, and the way it has become an unofficial final resting place for so much of his daughters' shit.

So much.

He loves his children. He loves them more than anything, actually.

Still, they drive him goddamn insane sometimes. They just – they’re teenagers, right? So they’re spending all their time holed up in their rooms which, fine, sure, whatever, that’s normal enough. But why, then, is their stuff all over Steve’s house?

Steve isn’t the kind of guy who needs the house spotless, or whatever, but he could do without it looking like a tornado-stricken Walmart.

Hair dryers and bottles of nail polish in the living room, Hazel’s makeup all over the kitchen counter, phone chargers and headphones all over the bathroom, and – Jesus Christ – the sweatshirts. Between his three daughters every single surface in his house has a discarded sweatshirt on it, and it’s not like he can do anything about it because he has no goddamn clue which ones belong to which kid and guessing wrong leads to World War-level fighting.

His solution: he’ll just leave all their stuff on the landing so as they head upstairs to barricade themselves in their rooms, they’ll see it and take it up with them.

The problem with his solution: the girls (who he loves so much) just step right over the mess and continue on their way.

“Why the hell am I stepping on fucking hairbrushes going down the stairs?” Eddie asks him one day.

“You wouldn’t be if your children would just bring their shit up to their rooms,” Steve replies drily.

Later, when the girls get home from school, Robbie passes through the kitchen where Steve and Eddie are sitting at the counter.

“Hello, my darling daughter,” Eddie says, “How was your day today?”

“Fine,” she replies, not taking her eyes off her phone as she heads for the stairs just like she always does.

“Robbie,” Steve says, “I left your books on the stairs. Please take them up with you.”

“Uh-huh,” she mumbles, but as she approaches the books it becomes evident that she would be doing no such thing.

“Robbie,” he calls, “Amelia Robin.”

The only response he gets is the sound of her bedroom door closing.

“I’m listing all this shit on eBay – swear to god,” he tells Eddie as he waves a hand loosely in Robbie’s direction in a can you believe this shit kind of gesture.

Eddie replies, “Maybe list her too while you’re at it.”

#steve shuts the wifi off and says: i dunno whats wrong but the router is under all your crap on the stairs so maybe something happened to it #he’s full of shit obviously but they don’t find that out until after #steddie #liv’s steddie dads verse #steddie dads #steve harrington #eddie munson

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