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vampiremakes · 2 years

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CARRD TUTORIAL: HOW TO MAKE A SOMEWHAT FANCY-LOOKING CARRD, STEP BY STEP. (LONG)

Alright, so I will take this step for step, so that hopefully even those who have never used Carrd before can follow this tutorial. This means that this will be a lengthy tutorial. You can always save your carrd while you’re in the middle of making it and continue working on it later if you find it takes a lot of time. I will show you how at the beginning of this tutorial!

This is mainly focused for single-muse pages, but I will add a little tips at the very bottom for multimuse pages. I will go into detail about a lot (but not all) functions on Carrd and how to implement them onto your own Carrd, but if you want to create the same template as the finished product for this as pictured above, take note of when I mention “This is the one I will be using for this template.” That’s what you want to follow.

Also the blockquoted parts are just a more detailed explanation of everything. If you simply want to create a template without understanding all the features of Carrd, you can skip reading these.

STEP 1. CREATE A CARRD ACCOUNT.

Basically, the first thing you want to do is to make an actual carrd account. Go to the website ‘carrd.co’, and click ‘choose a starting point’. There will be a few default carrd templates to choose between, but the main thing you want to do, is click the ‘blank canvas’ option (as seen in the image above) because we’re going to make this entirely from scratch!

STEP 2. THE CARRD EDITOR.

Now, once you are on the blank canvas, you will see a page like the one in the first image below (This is your work area, and you can click directly on this when you have stuff on it, to pull up the editor for each individual thing. For example, if you click directly on the “Nothing here yet! :)” text, the text editor will show up on the left side of the screen.) You will also see a little bar at the top right with a few different buttons on it, as seen zoomed in on the second image below.

QUICK RUNDOWN OF THE BUTTONS FROM LEFT TO RIGHT:

“+” BUTTON: This is where you will find all the different elements you can add to your carrd. We will be using this button a lot, and I will go more into detail about each element as we get further into the tutorial. “CIRCULAR ARROW POINTING COUNTER-CLOCKWISE”: Basically the undo button. “CIRCULAR ARROW POINTING CLOCKWISE”: Redo button. “RECTANGULAR BUTTON/MOBILE BUTTON”: This button lets you view your carrd in mobile version. This button will change appearance when you click on it, to resemble a laptop-screen, and clicking it again will return you to how your carrd will look on a laptop. “FLOPPY DISK BUTTON”: This button is called “Publish this site” when you hover over it, and you can click this button to publish your carrd, or “save as an offline draft.” (I recommend saving it as an offline draft regularly, so you can leave it and come back to it later to finish it!) “TRIPLE HORIZONTAL LINE BUTTON”: This button is called “More actions” when you hover over it, and provides the same publish / save as draft option, a “start over” option, a “background” option that opens up the ability to change background color, a “page” option, that allows you to edit the page (will be highlighted when you click on it), as well as “Documentation” “Instructions”, and “Dashboard”, the latter which will return you to the carrd dashboard, and with a free account, you can add two more carrds.

STEP 3. SETTING UP THE PAGE.

Now we want to set up the page. Basically, the “Page” is where we will be putting all of our things into. Text, images, tabs for rules, about pages, etc., will all be put inside this page. Keeping this in mind, it’s good to decide whether you want to have a fullscreen page, or a contained page, kind of like container themes on Tumblr. This is the most tedious part of the tutorial, and you likely will feel like you aren’t getting anywhere, but once you power through this step, things will quickly become a lot more fun! So... Let’s get through it together, shall we?

At the bar in the top right corner, click the triple horizontal line button, and then “Background” and the adjustment box in the image below will pop up at the left side of the screen. You will also see a green-blue border become visible around the edges of the screen. This indicates which area you are editing.

THE STYLE SECTION:

There is a dropdown menu that by default says “Color”. If you click this, there are a few more options that comes up. The ones that are free to use is “Color”, “Gradient”, and “Image”. The other two, “Video” and “Slideshow” you have to buy a Carrd pro membership for.

COLOR (THIS IS THE ONE WE WILL USE FOR THIS TUTORIAL): If you want one simple color as your Carrd’s background.

GRADIENT: Is if you want two colors in a gradient, which really becomes more easy to understand by just playing around with the adjustment options provided when you click it (It will not be used for this tutorial.)

IMAGE: If you want to use an image as your background. By clicking the “Upload” button, you can add your image. Under “Position”, you have a drop-down menu, where you can choose the image’s position. Unless you have a background that has symmetrical patterns, like say, squares with black, red, black, red, you might also want to use the “Tile” adjustment and use the “Off” option, so the image doesn’t repeat itself, neither horizontally nor vertically. If you do this, it might also be good to change the “Transparency color” (Which is the background color behind the image) to the same color as the background image. For the “Size” option, I would recommend either “Fill” or “Default”, to keep the size of the image. You can also add an overlay or pattern on top of your background image, which is better to just mess around with on your own.

We are going to simply use the “Color” one for this template. Click the #EDEDED text, and choose a background color. I am going to type in #000000 for this template, but this is where you’re allowed to have fun and choose whatever colors you prefer. If you don’t know the actual hex-code for the color you want, you can always click the square button next to the hex-code and pick the color from there.

Now, if you chose a black background like me, you might no longer see the text “Nothing here yet :)”. That’s okay, we’re getting to that now.

Click that same, triple horizontal line button in the top right bar as before, but this time click “Page” instead of “Background”, and then you will see the adjustment box (image below) pop up at the left side of the screen.

Let’s go ahead and change the “Style” part from “Default” to “Box”. You will see the page changes color to white, and you can now see the “Nothing here yet! :)” text again, while the background remains black, like the image below.

If you scroll down on the Page adjustment bar on the left, with all the adjustment options, you will see that there’s quite a lot of different adjustments you can do. I won’t go into all of them in this tutorial, but here’s some explanations for a lot of them in the blockquote below. If you’re only interested in creating the template you don’t need to read all this. We will only use the ‘Width’, ‘Background’ and temporarily the “border” adjustment for this template,.

POSITION: Here, you can change the position of the page on the Carrd. We use the default “centered” for this tutorial, but you can mess around with this as you want!

WIDTH: Adjusts the width of the page. We will change the width to 58 in this tutorial, but in some cases, it might be preferrable to have it all the way up to 100 (if you want a carrd that fills the whole screen with texts and/or images) or any other width, really, depending on the aesthetic you’re going for. Basically, the less width you give it, the more “container theme” aesthetic, it gets.

PADDING: How much space you want between the page and the content inside the page. (texts, images, etc.)

CORNER ROUNDING: If you want the page to have rounded corners, you can use the slider to adjust how round the corners should be.

SIZE: Sets the base size for all the elements. I would not mess around with this unless you know what you’re doing.

ALIGNMENT: Sets the alignment of all the content within the page. (Text, images etc.)

BACKGROUND: Here you can change the background color of just the page, remove the background color, or give it a gradient background.

BORDER: If you want a border around your page, you can do this here the same way you added a background color to the page. When you add a color to the border, two options will show up, one for the width of the border, and one for the style of the border. We will mess around with this in one of the steps.

Now that we have the page as a box, let’s temporarily add a border to the page. Scroll down to the “Border" option, and add in a border color that is visibly different than the background and the page background. I will be using #23B5B8 for this.

Now, if you’ve done this, the Carrd should look a little like the image below, perhaps with different colors if you have been bold.

Next, I want to make the page color to be the same color as the background color, but before that, since the text is black, I will change the text color of the ‘Nothing here yet! :)’ so the text doesn’t become black on black with the background. To do this, I simply click on the text, and then on the left side, you will see another type of adjustment box appear, that looks like the image below.

In this first panel, you can change the text itself. But to change the color, we will need to go to the Paintbrush button (below)

and another adjustment box will appear, that looks like the image below.

For now, we’re just gonna change the “Color” at the very top from #000000 to #c7227a (Don’t worry, we will go back and change this later. This is just to avoid it blending in with any backgrounds or whatever as we change things up along the way)

Now let’s click the triple horizontal line button again, and go back to “Page”, scroll down and change the Background color to #000000.

Now, your Carrd should look like this.

Now, the final thing I want to do to set up this page is to make the “Width” a little bigger to fit more things into it. I’m going to scroll up to the top, and change the “Width” from 40, to 58. Now, if you just click on the background area to remove the left adjustment bar, you Carrd should look like the image below.

STEP FOUR. ADDING A STATS PAGE.

OKAY! So, we got through the rough part! Phew! Feel free to take a few minutes break, before we continue!

Alright. First thing’s first. Let’s get rid off the ‘Nothing here yet! :)”. Just click on it, and click on the little trashcan button, right next to the ‘Done’ button.

Now comes the fun part! We’re going to add things and really build up our Carrd with information and all that good stuff! Click the ‘+’ button at the top right corner, and you will see a menu open up below, looking like the image below.

Let’s start by making a navigation, so you can switch between an “About / Muses” page, a “Rules” page, “Verses” page, etc. A button is a good way to do this, so let’s start by adding a button by clicking on (you guessed it!) “Buttons” You will now see something like the image below pop up.

Lets say we want four buttons to start with. One for the about page, one for the rules page, one for verses and one for links / tags.

So, let’s just click the ‘Add’ button, four times! But wait! As you click the Add button, you will see the image below showing up.

This is actually a very important part of button-making. This is where you add the title to the button, but also the link to your button, that you will be taken to when you click the button.

For now, let’s LABEL the first button “ABOUT” and add the URL “#about” as seen in the image below. (We will leave the Background and Hover color empty for now, as there is a simpler way to give all the buttons the same color and hover color in a single step rather than doing it for each individual one! Though of course, if you want different colored buttons, you can go ahead and do this for the buttons here, like this.)

Now you can scroll down and add three more buttons, label them “RULES” with the URL “#rules”, label “VERSES” with the URL “#verses” and label “MAP” with the URL “#map”. Click DONE! and you will see your Carrd looks like the image below.

Alright, so we have the buttons up. But they look a bit boring, don’t they?

Click on the buttons again in the work area to pull the button editor back up, and click the paintbrush button as seen below!

Now an editor area will show up that looks like the image below.

Let’s give the buttons some color, shall we? Add in #C7227A (or whatever color you’d like) in the “Background” hex-code, and #B01969, to the “Hover” hex-code, to give a slight change of color when hovering over a button. Your buttons should now look a little something like the image below.

If you still think they look a little plain, we can go to the “Style” section, where it says “Solid”, and change it to “Outline”. And you will see the buttons change so the background is black, with a pink border around them. Let’s scroll down on the adjustment page, until we get to “Thickness”, which is the thickness of the border, and change it from “1″ to “5″. Now your buttons should look like the image below!

If you want to add an extra little fun effect, if you can click the “Play” button seen in the first image below, and another adjustment page will open up for the buttons, seen in the second image.

Now, on the “Buttons: On Hover” part, if you change “Fade In”, to “Tilt Left”, when you hover over a button, they will animate by tilting to the left, as seen in the image below.

If you still have the adjustment page up, click the “Done” button, because that’s enough about buttons for now! Now, let’s make the actual pages that the buttons will link to!

Click the ‘+’ button at the top right menu again, and this time, you want to click on ‘#control’

Because remember how we made the URL to the buttons be #about, #rules, #verses, and #map? Now, with this “#control”, we are basically adding a separation between the page that will show up when people open up your Carrd, and the different pages they will be taken to when they click on the buttons.

Now you will see something like the image below being added to your workspace

And on the left side, an adjustment page will open that looks like the image below.

The only thing we really want to focus on here, is the “Name” section. Lets change it from “section01″ to “about”, like in the image below, and then click ‘Done’

Now, let’s go back to our favorite button, the ‘+’ button in the top right corner and add something else!

Click on the ‘Container’ one this time, and let’s go one more step and click straight on the Paintbrush button!

And an adjustment page will open up that looks like the image below

Lets scroll all the way down to “Border” and give the border some color. I will give it the “#C7227A” color, like the buttons, and I will also change the width to “9″ and the “Style” to “Dotted”.

Now, for now, we’re going to focus on this being a single muse carrd. Multimuses, if you have a lot of muses, and want fancy about pages for all of them, you’re going to need to make multiple Carrd accounts because unless you have Carrd PRO, you can only add a certain number of things to your carrd. I will get into this more later, how you can do this the easiest way! ANYWAY! Now if you click ‘Done’, your Carrd should look like the image below.

As you can see, you can both see the “Home page” with the buttons, the “#about” line, and the dotted container with the text “Empty” inside. If you had saved your Carrd now, only the part with the buttons would show up when you went to the Carrd’s url, and if you clicked the “About” button, you would get to the empty container because of the “#about” control, but if you clicked any of the other buttons, they wouldn’t work.

Anyway, let’s add a STATS sheet to your container. Click inside the container on the work area, and then click that lovely ‘+’ button again! Then click the “Table” button, as seen below!

Now as seen in the image below, this might look a little messy at first sight, but it will quickly turn into a nice stats sheet.

So, let’s take a closer look at the adjustment page.

Basically, what I personally do to make a neat-looking stats sheet, is that I first remove all the text in the “Headings” section.

In the “Rows” section, I do the same, but this is where I will add in the stats for the muses. As it currently stands in the "Rows” box before you remove the text, each line vertical:

(”Neuromancer William Gibson 1984 0-441-56956-0″

Snow Crash)

Represents each Horizontal section on the table seen in the image above that again. Basically, you add a line by hitting “SHIFT + ENTER”. If you just hit enter, you will get a new horizontal line below the first one. So basically “Snow Crash” as seen above, is the second horizontal line after “Neuromancer” all the way up to “0-441-56965-0)

So, as a quick copy-paste, you can delete the text there, and add in the one below:

NAME: musename

AGE: agehere

SPECIES: specieshere

GENDER: pronounshere

OCCUPATION: occupationhere

HEIGHT: heighthere

HAIR: colorhere

EYES: colorhere

FACECLAIM: fchere

And it will look a little something like the image below.

Or, without the adjustment editor, like the image below.

But let’s say you want to add an image, or some more text, like a short bio, next to it, and don’t want the stats to take up as much space in the container.

Click on the dotted border so the “Container” adjustment comes up. Then click the dotted rectangle button as seen below.

And change the “Default” to “Columns”, and if you want, yIfou can also click on “50% (Left) and change it to 40% to make the stats take up even a little less space, as seen in the image below.

Now your Carrd’s about section should look something like the image below.

Now, you can add something to the “Empty” space on the right by clicking... you guessed it. The famous “+” button!

Now, only your imagination can stop you from what you can add here. If you want an image, you click on “Image” and “upload”, if you want some links, maybe you want to use the “button” feature to give them that extra popping look, or just “Links” for a more simple, text look kind of links. Maybe you want both an image, and some links underneath the image? Maybe you want to add a short bio (I recommend biographies to be short if you want it on the same page as your stats, and you’re using a “Columns” container. If you have a long bio, I recommend changing the “about” page to a “stats” page, and follow the steps at the beginning to add an extra button on the home page for “biography”, or keep the “Container” on “Default” and put the biography underneath the stats.)

Lets say you want an image next to the stats, so click on “Image” and on the button below (if it’s not already chosen)

Then on “Upload” and find the image you want to upload, and you will come to a page looking a lot like the image below, only with the image you chose instead of the default bird.

Instead of manually cropping it, you can simply click the button in the top left corner, pictured below

Until the button looks like pictured below, and the “Crop grid” is gone.

Then, click “Accept” in the top right corner. Now your image might appear below the container. That is fine. Just click and drag it into the “Empty” space inside the container. Now the Carrd’s about section might look something like pictured below.

My image didn’t stretch all the way down to the bottom of the stats text, so in this case, one might want to add some buttons with some links to headcanons etc, or a “Text” with a quote.

In fact, let’s add a quote to make it look a little neater! Click the ‘+’ button again, and ‘Text’, and if the text appears below the container, drag it into the container, below the picture. Click the ‘A’ button in the top left, and change “Text” to whatever quote you want!

Then, click the painbrush button next to the ‘A’ button, Click the dropdown menu for “Font” and choose whatever font you like. I picked “Aguafina script” and then change the “Size” so that the text is approximately as large as the width of the image. Now your Carrd may look like this. Now this looks like a nearly finished stats page to me!

This is of course where I realize I’m a dumbass and am too far into the tutorial to start over from scratch to fix my mistake, so stick with me here. This is a stats page, right? But there’s really no room for a biography here in the container without it taking up too much space on one side or the other, but we want a biography section for our carrd, too!

So lets go back up to the “Home page” where the buttons are for a second. A reminder if you’ve forgotten how they look like:

Click on the buttons, anywhere on them is fine, and in the adjustment area on the left, add another button like in the tutorial earlier, change the LABEL to “STATS” and the URL to “#stats”.

Click and drag the button in the Adjustment area to be at the very top, above the “about” button like in the image below.

Alright, now look back onto the work area, and click the “control” section that reads “#about” as pictured below

And in the adjustment area, change “#about” to “#stats” like in the image below.

OKAY PHEW! CRISIS AVERTED! Now your Carrd should look as in the image below.

Now the only thing left is to add some buttons to make sure people can navigate away from this page onto some of the other pages. But this is actually really simple. Just click on the buttons at the very top of your carrd again, and in the adjustment page showing up on the left, you want to click the left bottom button looking like the image below:

Now you have TWO sets of the same buttons, with the same names, linking to the same things. Simply click and drag one of them below the “#stats” control, like pictured below.

Now, with that done, your Carrd’s stats page should look a little something like the image below, and with that, it looks pretty finished to me! Now maybe you want to have the “NAME:, AGE: SPECIES:,” etc. text and the “musename, agehere, specieshere” text to have two different colors. Maybe you want the “NAME, AGE, SPECIES”, etc text to be bold or italicized, or bold and italicized!

There’s a way you can do this as well. So I will add an extra step here to explain that in blockquotes for those interested.

Click on the table, where the “NAME, AGE” etc text is, and click on the button pictured below to get to where you added in the text.

Now, replace that text with the text in bold italicized below:

[**NAME:**]{#c7227a} musename

[**AGE:**]{#c7227a} agehere

[**SPECIES:**]{#c7227a} specieshere

[**GENDER:**]{#c7227a} pronounshere

[**OCCUPATION:**]{#c7227a} occupationhere

[**HEIGHT:**]{#c7227a} heighthere

[**HAIR:**]{#c7227a} colorhere

[**EYES:**]{#c7227a} colorhere

[**FACECLAIM:**]{#c7227a} fchere

Now click the paintbrush button pictured below

And under “Color” change the hex-code, let’s say to “#DDDDDD” Now your stats page should look a little something like the image below

STEP FIVE. ADDING A BIOGRAPHY PAGE.

Now with the stats done, let’s add another page. Click the “+” button we are getting to love, and on the “#control” and like before, we want this “#control” below everything we’ve just made, and we want to rename it from “#section02″ to “#about”, like the image below.

Now, lets add another container, by clicking the ‘+’ button again and “Container”. As you can see, the container is now in the same style as the last container you made. This goes for anything you add, it will be in the same style as the same thing you added last.

Now let’s go right ahead and click the ‘+’ button again and click ‘text’ this time! As you can see, the text is likely going to be in the same style as the quote you put under the image. Let’s go ahead and change that!

For my template, I want the font to be “Amiri”, and I want the size to be “1″, and the Color to be “#DDDDDD”, as pictured below.

I also want to scroll down and change the alignment from “Centered” to “Justify”, like so:

Now, in the adjustment page on the left, you can click the ‘A’ button, and you can add your biography in the text box. I will simply add some lorem ipsum text to fill it in, like in the image below.

Now, maybe you want to colorize some of the text, and bold and italicize it, etc. Formatting like so is very simply explained underneath the text editor, like this:

**Bold** *Italics* or _Italics_ ***Bold italics**** __Underline__ (two _’s on each side) [Link text](LINKURL) ~~Strikethrough~~ ==Highlight== [Color text]{#colorcode}

The highlighting one can be kinda cool, so I’ll show you how you can use this by adding it to the beginning of my lorem ipsum, like the image below

Which currently looks like the image below on the carrd.

However!! When we add ==TEXT== we can change the background of that highlighted text. If you now go on the text adjustment editor on the left, on the paintbrush, you will see the adjustment page has gotten two new options, as seen below.

“Highlight” and two hex-color-code boxes. The left one changes the color of the text itself, and the right one, changes the color of the background of the text. So if we add #FFFFF to the left, and #C7227A to the right, the text on the workspace will look like the image below!

Now, this in itself looks very boring, so maybe we want to add a title into the top of the container with the dotted border. Click our trusty ‘+’ and then ‘Text’. Now you might not see the text itself, so simply click “Done” and you should see it. Drag it up into the container, above the biography. Now you can go into the text editor, and you’re probably figuring this out yourself by now, but on the ‘A’ button, you change the actual text, so let’s maybe change it to “Biography.”, and then on the paintbrush button, you can change the font, size, color, etc.

I will change the color to “#C7227A”, the font to ‘Courier New’, the size to ‘1.625′, the alignment to ‘center’ and the appearance to ‘uppercase’.

Now, you can turn the container into a column container, and have it be two or three or four or more columns, and add more text etc to each column as you want, though be careful not to add too much, as a free carrd only has limited amounts of things you can add.

For this template, I will be keeping the biography section simplistic, so now all I want to do, is to go and duplicate my buttons like we did earlier with the stats section, and add the duplicated button to the about section instead, and it should look a little something like this.

STEP SIX. RULES AND VERSES.

Basically, do the same for the rules page and verses page as the about page and/or stats page. REMEMBER TO ADD THE “#CONTROL” OR YOUR BUTTONS WON’T WORK!! Maybe you want to take use of the highlighted text to add titles to each of your rules and/or verses, and use a columned container like in the stats page. Maybe it ends up looking a little something like pictured below.

STEP SEVEN. THE NAVIGATIONS / LINKS PAGE!

Now, for the maps page, I will use our trusty ‘+’ for all these steps. First, I will add the “#control”. Remember to set the Label as “MAP” and the URL as “#map”. Next I will add a container, and add two columns to it, that are 50% each.

Inside the container on the left side, I will add a “Text” which I will align “centered”, and change the text to say “IN CHARACTER TAGS”. Next, I will add a “Button”, and then in the adjustment page for the button, I will click the “Add” six times, so that we have six buttons (they will likely appear three and three next to each other.) I will name each of these links whatever they should link to (E.G. ‘HEADCANONS’, ‘VISAGE’ ETC), and then copypaste the actual link you want it to link it to. (e.g. https://blogurl.tumblr.com/tagged/taghere )

I will then do the same again, but the “Text” will say “OOC TAGS” instead.

I will then add an image and drag it into the right side of the container.

At last, I go back and duplicate the buttons with the ‘stats, about, rules, verses, map’ from one of the above pages, and drag it down to the maps page. You might end up with something looking akin to the image below.

Now, at last, we have all the pages set up... Except, maybe the “HOME PAGE” looks a little boring in comparison. So let’s go back up to the beginning, and add an image, just for the heck of it, and maybe some text underneath, like the image below!

Now, all that remains is going back and changing whatever colors you wanna change, etc. For me, I just wanted to change the border color of the actual page to “#C7227A” instead of “#23B5B8″.

Once all that is said and done, let’s click the button pictured below so we can publish our carrd!

Type in something in the required fields, like below, and make sure you have checked the ‘Published to a .carrd.co URL’.

Scroll down until you see the below.

Choose your url that isn’t taken, then publish your carrd! Make sure to go look at it and check to make sure all the buttons etc are working and that nothing is looking wonky! Now your carrd is all done! :D

BONUS FOR MULTIMUSES!!

Now, if you’re a multimuse blog, you can follow pretty much the same steps as above, but you might want to make individual accounts for each muse, so they can each have their own, individual carrd about page, considering if you have a lot of muses, you likely won’t be able to add fancy pages for all of them before running out of space!

Now, there’s a few tips and tricks to adding more accounts. ONE) you need to have TWO gmails. See, you can use the same email-trick that a lot of people use to make multipe blogs on tumblr under the same url by adding a ‘+NAME’ to the end of your email, like so: [email protected] however, carrd can be a bit wonky and sometimes will only let you do this if you already have an existing account under an email WITHOUT that trick. that’s where the second gmail account comes in. You want to make your carrd account with that secondary gmail, then you want to go into the carrd dashboard, and change your account settings, and change that to the trick email [email protected] instead.

You can also use sessionbox when you’re on the carrd dashboard and add new sessionbox sessions to keep track of your carrds and keep them signed in.

As for linking to all your muses on your “MAIN CARRD.”, i recommend having your rules, muses list page, and navigation page on the main carrd, and the stats, verses, about page and perhaps also a mains page for each individual muse’s carrd.

You can list and link to each individual muse carrd by using buttons, like the image below

OR you can use a table, in which case, i recommend copy-pasting text in the blockquote below in the “Headings” section:

MUSE. NAME. LINK TO CARRD. FANDOM. STATUS. PLOTS OR WINGED?

And the blockquoted text below in the ‘Rows’ section (just copy and paste it into the rows as many times as you need to add more muses, and change the url where it says ‘CARDURLHERE’ to the url for your muse’s carrd)

==MUSE NAME.== [==***CARRD.***==](https://CARDURLHERE.carrd.co/) fandom here. activity here preference here.

And it will look a little something like this

That’s about all I have for this tutorial. Hope it helped! :D

#carrd tutorial #long post for ts #carrd theme #carrd template #rp tutorial

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havethetimeofyourstyles · 4 years

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Extra Credit

based on this cause @avhrodite and I were texting, and she told me to write it! so this is for you miss bailey <3

also feedback is always appreciated! literally rb, comment, or an anon ask means the world to fanfic writers, now that tumblr’s algorithm is messed up.

enjoy 7.6k of professor!harry lovelies!

also the intimidating as fuck photo that inspired this, and will be used in the story!

Sexuality Studies. Room 3017.

You had stalled from walking into class with a nervous gut feeling in your stomach with a heavy textbook in your arms, too big to be put in your backpack, but it felt like your book was weighing you down. People were walking around each other to find a vacant seat as you stood there next to the door as you waited till the last minute to walk in and take your seat.

There were a few reasons why you were nervous to walk in. One, it was basically sex class. Your friend had taken the class a few semesters ago, and had told you the basics of it and the rundown. There was a lot of sex talking towards the end.

And although, you’ve had had sex before, you still felt like you were inexperienced. Your sex life was boring, and nonexistent as of a month ago when you broke it off with your, now ex, friends with benefits. He just wasn’t doing the job, like at all. He never made sure you were having a good time or getting off. And that’s just one of the reasons why you broke it off with him. Luckily, he wasn’t mad and didn’t ask questions. Just said ‘oh, okay’ and bid his goodbye. That had made you a bit sad, knowing he didn’t care whatsoever. You two had only been fucking for a month, and the excitement had left your body the first night you slept with him.

The second reason goes along well with the first, and that’s because you aren’t that comfortable. Again, you’ve sex, but you weren’t comfortable in yourself--your sexuality. You never really had time or experience to explore your body or others because you’ve only slept with two people. In that sense, you didn’t know what you liked sexually and what your partner liked, other than blowjobs, handjobs, and being able to cum while fucking you. But there was more to it; you wanted the details, the ticks, sensitive spots, everything. But you’ve slept with lousy frat boys who didn’t care enough to ask if you had finished.

You checked your phone for the time, seeing that you have about two minutes before you have to go in. You take a deep breath, walking over to the opposite side of the wall, preparing yourself to walk in. You don’t know why it was so hard for you to just walk in and sit down. The thought of having to sit through an hour and a half class that is mainly about sex isn’t that hard to deal with either, but your insecurities and anxiety is getting the better of you. With a couple of neck rolls and inhales to deep exhales, you were ready before you heard a voice next to you.

“Nervous about the first day?” You look up to find an incredibly attractive man smiling down at you. His smile had made you blush and his intent eye contact had made you nervous. The way he just looks insanely sexy, and you think his hair is better than yours. He wears a simple button down shirt with two birds next to the collar, along with black jeans and boots. And you think, he’s so good looking and dresses well too. For a student, you don’t see anyone dress or look like him at all.

“Uh, kinda? I don’t know,” you say as you are not quite sure what to answer, so you said the easiest thing that didn’t have to do with how you’re feeling right now.

“No need to be nervous. This semester will go by quickly and I heard the professor is really cool too,” the man says with a reassuring smile, and you felt a bit better because he was right. This class would be a breeze and then you wouldn’t have to retake it, unless you fail.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you. Uh, do you want to sit next to me?” You made the bold move to ask him, and it had shocked you. You never made the first move, but you figured that you needed more friends anyways.

“Oh, thank you, but can’t do that. Let’s go in, shall we?” He waves his hand out, leading you to go first.

You cheeks were filled with embarrassment, thinking that your bold move was a stupid move. Of course, he didn’t want to sit next to you. He barely knows you. You roll your eyes at yourself, making your way to the first row as all the seats behind the front row were taken, and you didn’t want to take the time to look around. You take a seat as your head sank lower from awkwardness you had felt, and you set your book down on the desk and heard your professor speak.

“Hello, class. Welcome to ‘Sexuality Studies.’ I’m Professor Styles. Shall we get started?” Your mouth had been open the entire time he was introducing himself. Shocked was an understatement as you didn’t realize you were talking to your professor outside of the class, but that hadn’t made your embarrassing moment less worse.

How did you not realize that? You should’ve seen it coming because you were thinking about how no student on campus dresses or looks the way he does, and you didn’t think to put the pieces together.

But, fuck.

He was sexy as a ‘student’, but as the professor, that was a different story. You had felt the weird feeling in your stomach, triggering your arousal as you watched him talk to the entirety of the class about what’s to be expected. You turned around slightly and observed the room; noticing that most of the class were girls and there were a few guys, but the female population dominated the class. All the girls had hearts in their eyes, twirling, and biting their lip as they stared at their new professor; probably hoping they would get some extra credit in the middle of the semester to raise their grade or purposefully failing their test so he can call them into his office and they can have classic office sex.

The thought had made your eyes roll. Not at the thought of office sex because everyone knows that’s hot, but the thought of purposefully doing horrible in the class to fuck the professor is beyond you.

The class had gone by rather quickly, Professor Styles only talking about the basics of what everyone is going to learn such as culture, biological, health, anatomy, art, etc.

You walked out of the class in a hurry, not looking at your new professor and anticipated the next time you’ll meet.

The month had gone by rather smoothly, only taking two classes for the semester, so your workload isn’t too bad. The occasional thought about thinking your professor was a student had haunted you, and you think about it a bit more than you would like; feeling quite embarrassed and you’d hope that he had forgotten all about it.

You were sat at the coffee shop, head in your laptop and notes that you had taken during lecture as you were starting on your paper that is due in a little over two weeks. You were so into your introduction that your fingers were typing away on their own, that you didn't feel the presence of someone beside you.

“Hi. You’re in my sexuality class, right?” A voice from your right becomes present, and you look up, seeing your incredibly attractive professor looking down at you with a smile. There was no way in getting out of this one.

“Yes. Mr. Styles, hi,” you say nervously, but trying your best to hide it with your smile.

“Thought I recognized ya. How are you?”

“I’m doing well. I’m actually working on your paper right now,” you chuckle a bit.

“Are ya? What are you writing it on?” You get a bit sidetracked, realizing that he’s still standing and all of your stuff sits on the opposite side of the table. You reach over to move it onto your lap.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you offer. Harry debates for a second, and sees that there’s no harm in sitting with your student, so he gladly takes the seat across from you. “But I’m writing it on the fine line between masculinity and femininity.”

“Ahh, yes. That’s one of my favorite topics that we discussed,” he says.

“Yeah, me too. Pretty important for this day in age.”

“I’m right there with ya,” he agrees.

For the next 20 minutes, you and Harry talk about some main points. Discussing and going over what ideas you had in mind as Harry listens while nodding his head. He notices how passionate you are with the topic of your paper, and he appreciates the passion. Students will lazily write this paper, and it really shows in their work that makes him a bit disappointed because he had thought that he made the class fun; adding a few jokes and having the student participate with the lecture.

But listening to you talk about all the ideas that you wrote down; so far from the earth as you keep talking as he listens intently to you. You’re a sweet person, he’s noticed. You don’t participate all that much in class, but he figured that’s because you’re just a tad bit shy. And he’s still amused at the fact that you thought he was a student, which flattered him. But in all honesty, he can pass as one, and it wasn’t the first time someone mistaken him for a student.

Just as you were finished talking, a hint of pink made your cheeks flushed as you realized you were talking quite a bit, and keeping him from doing whatever he was supposed to. “I’m sorry. I tend to talk a lot when I get into things.”

“Hey, no need to apologize. I’m glad you told me your ideas because I think they’re great.” He checks the time on his phone and sees that he should get going, and his coffee cup is empty already. “But I should get going. Don’t hesitate to ask me about anything for the paper. I’ll see you in class.”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles. Have a great rest of your day,” you bid him goodbye as he softly says ‘you too.’

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Although you had been comfortable talking to him, you have never actually had a close conversation with any of your professors, really. Especially not outside of campus. But you really did feel comfortable. You figured that it’s because Harry is in a way, younger than most professors—at least he looks young.

The rest of your time at the coffee shop was spent finishing up the second paragraph and your coffee before you head back to your apartment.

The paper was due in a week, and you felt confident about turning it in on time and doing a great job on it. But that did not stop you from going into Mr. Styles’ office during his office hours, and he did say not to hesitate to ask if you had any questions, so you were using that to your advantage to make your paper even better.

He was surprised to see you just after two days of seeing him at the coffee shop that happened the week prior; asking him how to rephrase some things and seeing where some ideas fit into the paragraphs that are already written. And Harry happily helped you. Although he thinks you don’t need help at all, seeing as you’re right on track on the topic.

But you had felt a sudden surge of confidence that has never hit you before. And you can tell yourself that you’re comfortable enough to ask him questions all you want, but in reality, you wanted to keep talking to him and most importantly, keep seeing him.

He had this sense of comfort to him that made you feel safe. You never felt the awkward tension that there is in when talking to other professors, and you were glad for it. Mr. Styles had made it a safe space for his students to talk to him. And aside from asking him about school related things, you two had gotten to know each other after the important questions were asked. The conversations were harmless, and you looked forward to them everytime.

A knock was heard on his office door and he told whoever was behind it to come in. You walked in with a smile, laptop and notebook held to your chest, walking in slowly as you closed the door behind you.

“Hi, Mr. Styles. Are you busy?”

He shakes his head, “no, no. How can I help you?” Harry had—and was still trying—to keep it professional between you two. And although nothing had happened, he can’t help but stop the flutter of his heart when you would walk in his class or his office as you gave him a small that he adored. He also noticed how concentrated you are during class; making sure to take every single note and word that he says, making him smile at the thought.

“Uh, I was kind of stuck on something that I could definitely use your help with.”

“Sure thing. That’s what I’m here for,” he gives you a smile, and you open your notebook, showing him the many marks and scribbles that you had planted out when brainstorming.

“So I came up with this idea because I thought it would be important to talk about the history of masculinity and femininity. I didn’t want to just talk about the modern times as of now. But maybe research how it affected people back in the day when they weren’t acting as their…assigned sexuality, as you could say.”

“That sounds great. You can talk about that and during the times of the first pride march. That would definitely be interesting. But I would say not to go too into it, it’s a pretty straightforward topic, and there’s just a lot that is covered during those times. Just so you don’t get too ahead of yourself,” he gives his opinion. You listen carefully and take in his words as if you’re making a mental list of things you should and shouldn’t write about.

“Sounds good. Thank you.”

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, I think so. Just wanted to ask you that,” you say as you close your notebook, but not getting up to leave yet.

“Okay, can I ask you something this time?”

“Uh, sure,” you respond nervously.

“I see that you’re pretty much on track of the paper, like you know what you’re talking about. And you seem really confident in what you want to say, which is good. And I’m all ears when it comes to students wanting feedback, but I just have to ask….” anxiety boils through your throat. “Is coming to see me practically 2 or 3 times a week have to do with your paper?” You take a deep inhale, but don’t let your breath loose. He read you extremely well, you have to say. And it was a bold move on Harry’s part to ask that because if you say the opposite, then he assumed pretty hard.

You finally let go of the breath you were holding in and answered, “no.”

“No. It doesn’t have to do with your paper?” You shake your head in confirmation. “Then what does it have to do with?” He asks, and you think he definitely already knows what’s going on, but needs you to say the words.

“I just…wanted to see you,” you say softly.

“And why is that?” At this point, he’s teasing you already. Probably wanting to make a fool out of yourself so he could go home and laugh about it to his girlfriend or boyfriend, which you assume he has. And the bold assumption that you had thought he felt that pull towards you was enough to make you feel embarrassed for the second time in front of him.

But the remains of the confidence were still pooling in your head, and you figured you had nothing to lose.

“I wanted to see you because… I can’t deny this attraction I feel towards you. And it’s not based solely on your looks either because no can hide the fact that you’re insanely attractive, but I’ve gotten to know you for who you are this past week and we had some good talks, which was nice because no one has ever gotten to know me well enough for me to fall for them within a week.”

You finish your confession with a straight face, but there was still a hint of hope that he would tell you he felt the same way.

“And on the topic of no one getting to know me, and this is a sexuality class and you’ve recently started talking about sex; I’ve never truly had the chance to explore with partners sexually and explore my sexuality more in depth than just someone sticking their dick inside me, and calling it good sex. So, you talking to me and getting to know me means a lot because no one wants to waste their time on what I like and what I’m into.”

You had said a mouthful, and it can be heard as inappropriate to say that to your professor, but again, why would a sexuality teacher judge you based on your past sex life?

A minute had passed that immediately felt like an hour. The only thing that was heard was the ticking of the wall clock, and that made the tension even more unbearable.

You get up from out of the chair, “I’m gonna go. Thanks for the help, Mr Styles.”

Before you reach for the door, he finally decides to speak, “Wait.” You turn around slowly and watch him get up from his chair, and walk towards you. His eyes are dark, and they don’t leave yours as he reaches you.

The proximity is close enough that you could lean forward and be pressed up against his chest, but you’re afraid that you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself if you do that.

“You’ve fallen for me?” Is the thing that he could respond with after all that you’ve said.

“Yes. I’ve developed a crush on you, well, more than a crush because I do like you,” you say as you look up at him. He looks down at you intently, lips rolled into his mouth. He smells amazing from how close you are, that it’s like a potion that keeps luring you in, wanting more.

“Do ya?”

“I think I make myself pretty clear on that,” you respond with a bit of sass.

“Don’t give me attitude,” his tone changed to dominant, and a pool in your panties made itself present.

“What are you gonna do about it, Mr Styles?” You test, and move closer to him, lips almost touching. You can possibly reach up and your lips will be in sync. A smirk comes to play on his face as if you’ve made the wrong move, but you’re so ready for what’s to come.

And for a split second, it looked like he was leaning in a tad bit to go in for a kiss, but retracts back. “I’ll see you in my next class.” With that, he pulls back and walks back to his chair.

You’re left stunned, mouth slightly open, surprised he didn’t make a move. He didn’t even tell you if he felt the same way, and if it were any other day, you would’ve felt extremely sad, but there was so much tension in the room you needed to go home and take care of yourself.

And that’s what you did.

Once you got back home, you ran a bath for yourself and sat in it as you ran over your skin, leading to where you ached the most. Many thoughts of Mr. Styles doing this to you as he sat behind you in the bath, knowing that you would make a mess on his long fingers and pretty hands. And that definitely helped you reach our orgasm as you moan out his name, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly odd about it.

You finally turned in your paper on the last day it was due, and you were extremely happy with it. You added the history of not acting like your original self, taking Mr. Styles’ advice and not going too in depth with it. This has marked as a halfway point to graduating with your bachelors, and you were ecstatic.

It had also been a week since the tension filled scene that had happened in your professor’s office, and you haven’t been back since. Seeming as you didn’t need to since there were no needed assignments, but you had thought you would visit him in his office everyday after what you had confessed.

It didn’t get easier sitting in his class as he stood up in front of everyone looking so hot as he wore a crisp blue button down with a polka dot tie, and a pink blazer over it. He knew your secret. He knew that you had the hots for him. And he knew that he didn’t say anything to reciprocate those feelings. And you tried very hard not to let it get to you.

The lecture had ted to your paper topic: masculinity and femininity. But this time, it was open for class discussion. You weren’t big on talking in class; just preferred listening to everyone’s opinions and making your own in your head, but the ignorance that someone had made you argue with him.

“I personally feel like men should stay on the masculinity side, and women on the femininity side.” You had turned around to see the guy who had said that. He was wearing a football jersey of the university, laughing with his two friends.

“And why do you think that?” Mr Styles follows up.

“It’s simple. You shouldn’t act as if you’re someone you’re not-”

“That makes a good point in your argument though,” you interrupt, turning in your seat to look at the jock at the top. “You shouldn’t act like someone you’re not, so why would you act like someone you don’t want to be?” The guy had shut up, making you smirk. “I just think that being masculine and feminine as your biological gender is a social construct. It just takes away the substance of that person when people look down on them for being true to themselves. So, why does masculinity only apply to men, and femininity only apply to women?”

Harry smirks at your discussion. It had surprised him that you spoke up in his class, but it didn’t surprise him when you spoke up about this topic. You had definitely shut down his other student, and he was proud of you for that.

The class was dismissed and as you were making your way towards the door, someone stopped you.

“Hey, really great argument back there.” It was the ignorant jock.

“Thanks.” You walked out of the class to get out of everyone’s way, stopping at the wall across from the class.

“I didn’t mean to sound so douchey back there, but what you said really got me thinking, and I see where you’re coming from.”

“I’m glad. You learn something new everyday…”

Harry was watching you the entire time you left your seat to when his student stopped you to have a chat. He had thought you were going to shut him down for being ignorant, but he saw you smile and laugh a little, making him breath deeply as he glared at you, brows furrowed, and coffee cup in his hand. Harry then sees him take out his phone, obvious that he’s asking for his number and he sees you blush as you talk.

Harry tries to control his breathing, and in another world, steam would be coming out of his ears. He walks towards the door, thinking that he was going to call you into his class, but decides against it and shuts the door.

It was already nearing the end of the semester, and you have yet to talk to him.

If it wasn’t for the fact that you had slightly gotten over his unreciprocated feelings, you would have probably dropped out of the class and waited another semester to finish. But you couldn’t let him do that to you; you were way too close to the finish line.

Mr. Styles was in his final topic of speaking about the fun part of sex, and how it could be pleasurable. He talked about the anatomy of it at first, moving onto the techniques. And the techniques he used on how to pleasure a woman and man had you hot in your seat. He demonstrated using his finger, showing the class the way to finger someone, and you couldn’t help but cross your legs. And you were sure everyone was doing so as well.

The simple demonstration of his fingers making a curling motion as if he’s fingering someone made you clench. You had been right about his fingers bringing you to pleasure, and all you wanted to do was rush home and imagine it again since you have a full visual.

“Okay, class. I have an extra credit opportunity for you.” The class perks up at that. You had a low A in the class, and although you were confident about the final, you didn’t want to risk it, so you listened.

“Since this is a sexuality class, I hoped I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable on what I just did,” the class laughed a bit, and you smiled. “For this extra credit, I want you to go to a sex store and buy a toy that can be pretty much anything. Come back and show me, and I will mark you down for points. I don’t require a paper on this, so it is fairly easy, but this is to show that you should be comfortable in your sexuality, and walking into a sex store should be easy for you because there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever because everyone has needs and if someone judges you, then they’re not getting laid.” The class laughs again. “You can return it if you want after I mark you down or you can keep it. A win win for everyone! Okay, class dismissed.”

You walked out of class with a smile on your face as Mr Styles lightened up everyone’s mood as everyone was stressing for finals. You were glad for it; the weight on your shoulders were still heavy, but a good laugh was needed.

You had two weeks to buy and show him the extra credit, and two weeks until you graduated. The days were counting down at this point, and before you knew it, it was the final week.

You had passed both of your finals with flying colors, and you had the rest of the week to finally relax as you were graduating at the end of the week. The apartment was a mess, and you finally had time to tidy it up a bit; fix the mess of papers on your kitchen table and put your laundry away. You also used that time to finally go out and get your extra credit.

It would be a lie if you had told yourself that you were too lazy to go out and actually buy your extra credit assignment, but that was far from the truth. If you had energy to get up and clean around your home, then you could have easily gotten up and buy a sex toy.

But it was the anxious feeling that you had that you were going to see him so up close, and actually get to talk to him again that stopped you.

The crush on your professor hadn’t died done any less, but it hadn’t increased either. You were stuck in a plateau of not getting over him and not falling for him more. You figured it’s because you see him every week, so you were hoping by this time, you were on your way to getting over him.

You made your way into the sex shop with nerves as you haven’t been into one before, and it was a very relaxed set up. Various of sex toys used for both genders were set against the wall, and a red curtain that led to something in the back that, you assumed, was the more extreme items.

You scanned the toys, figuring that it would be easy to just get a vibrator. Your hands shook as you went to grab the boxed toy, and you remembered Mr Styles’ words; there’s no reason to be ashamed in buying any of these, and that relaxed you.

The employee who rang you up was the sweetest. She greeted you with a bubbly smile, and told you that you had made a great choice because she has the same one. You didn’t tell her that it was for a school thing, because that would sound really weird, and you didn’t tell her that you were planning on returning it later on.

You drove to campus, hoping that Mr Styles was in his office. The drive was a 30 minute drive as you lived a bit far from the school, but you didn’t mind the drive.

Harry heard a knock on his office door, telling them to enter. His eyes perked up as you made yourself present as you opened the door. His heart was beating in his chest as he saw you; remembering the last time you were in his office and missing the presence of you being close again.

“Hi. How are you?” He pointed to the chair, and you sat down. Your heart was pounding as well, feeling nervous about being in his office again.

“I’m doing good. How are you?”

“I’m well, thanks. What can I do for you?” He asks politely. You reach into your bag and grab the box to show him your extra credit assignment. “Ahh,” he lets out as he sees the box. “Perfect. Let me mark you down for that.”

“Thank you,” you say as you put the toy back inside your bag. “Can I ask how I did on the final? If you’ve already finished grading it.”

“Yes. You did really well, actually,” he says as he shuffles through his papers, looking for the grade book. “Ah, here. You got a 95.” That made you smile. You were quite confident for the final, but hearing that you did well brightened up your day. “And that boosted up your grade to a 94, plus the extra credit, that will go up to a 97.”

Your eyes widened; you had passed both classes with an A, and you were extremely excited about that; and it takes everything in you to not jump up and scream. “Wow, thank you.”

“No need to thank me. You deserve it. I’m proud of you,” he smiles at you, and your heart swoons, telling him a thank you. “You graduate at the end of the week right?” You nod. “Excited?”

“Very. I really only needed to take this class, but I was putting it off because my friend took this course and said it was pretty sexual, and that made me a bit uncomfortable if I’m being honest. But I really enjoyed this class…you made it bearable.” Harry blushes, thinking how happy he is that you took the class with him.

“Well, I’m happy you enjoyed it,” he says .

There was silence that washed over you two with the slightest bit of tension; debating if either one should bring up what happened the last time you were in his office. You were feeling so many things at the moment, and he was too, but you were sure it was inappropriate to talk about it when technically, nothing even happened.

“I should get going,” you say instead.

“Sure thing. I’ll see you…uh, around,” he says hesitantly. You tell him goodbye and walk out of his office, probably the last time you would ever see him.

You had finally graduated, and you couldn’t be more happy and proud for yourself. A relieved feeling ran through you when you had put on your cap and gown, and the thought made you tear up. You were done, for now, before you had to go to grad school and get your masters degree. But either way, you were ecstatic.

Now a week has gone by since graduation, and you decided to do some errands. You also needed to make your way to the sex shop and return your item.

As you entered the door you had walked through once before, your eyes immediately spotted the familiar man who had made your heart flutter by the simple act of eye contact. And if it was by instincts, Harry turns his head towards the door and sees you standing at the entrance. He hadn’t seen you since the time in his office and he saw you walk for graduation, if that counts.

There was no way of avoiding him, so you walked over to him. “Hi, Mr Styles.”

“You know you don’t have to call me that anymore. You graduated already,” he smirks, and you chuckle.

“Then what should I call you?”

Yours. “Harry.”

You tilt your head to the side, seeing how fitting his name is on him. “Okay, Harry. What are you doing here anyways?” The question had slipped out of your mouth, but you think that there’s nothing awkward with it.

“Oh, uh, just looking for a cock ring,” he says honestly. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m actually returning my extra credit purchase,” you chuckle.

“Are ya? Why don't you keep it?”

“I don’t know…I actually never used a toy before, and I got a bit intimidated by it.” Harry nods understandingly.

“See, a win win for everyone. You either get your money back or you get a nice orgasm out of it,” he laughs, and you agree with him.“I think you should keep it. This is the time you get to explore your sexuality.” You debate a bit. He was right, and you did have some spare time as of now, so you decided to keep it; see what this thing can really do.

“If you’d like…would you like to get some lunch with me?” He asks, taking you out of your thoughts.

Your eyes brighten. “Of course.”

It was like you were waiting for this moment to come. You had waited for him to ask you out and properly get to know each other outside of school. Harry had taken you to a small shop that sold burgers and fries, and you two sat in the patio of the shop; talking, eating, and laughing at stories you told each other.

“Can I ask you something?” He nods, nervously. “When I told you I liked you in your office that one time, why didn’t you say anything back?”

“To be honest, I was nervous. You’re 22 and I’m six years older than you, and although that didn’t matter much to me, you were on the edge of graduating. I couldn’t risk that, even with how much I like you. The thought of getting caught and losing your chance to graduate, and possibly your acceptance for your masters, would just be selfish on my part because I couldn’t keep it in my pants… So I waited until you graduated; didn’t even know if I was going to see you again if I’m honest.”

You understood well on why he didn’t do anything to reciprocate his feelings, and you were grateful he didn’t until now.

By the end of it, you didn’t want the day to end so you invited him to your apartment.

You two sat on your couch, which thankfully you cleaned the place before, and talked some more and put on a movie. You two were inching closer to one another until you both were cuddling. You had rested your legs on his as he runs his fingers over your ankles, scratching your skin lightly.

You were breathing heavily, wanting to just make more than just innocent touches. As if Harry read your mind, he turned his head to look at you; a striking look in his eyes as you both look at each other. The air was heavy, sexual tension coming in hot.

“Harry…”

“Yes, love?”

“Kiss me.”

Harry wastes no time in connecting his lips with yours. The softness of your lips meeting his is enough to drive him crazy. The pull you have on his hair makes him let out a moan into your mouth as you whimper into his. Chests are pulled close together, but not close enough as the hold on each other is tight; afraid one might let go.

Harry found himself in your bedroom, and it seemed like he blanked out during that time. Your kisses probably just pulled him into another world, where he debated if this was real life or if he was dreaming it. It was all real, but it was lovely to dream about.

You sat on the bed as you continued to kiss while Harry was standing above you; him leaning down and you reaching up. You were close to his hard on, and it took everything in him not to drop his pants and have you taste him, but it wasn’t going to be about him.

This is going to be about you.

You’d managed to get both of your shirts off, wanting yourself bare and to see his chest. You were surprised with the amount of tattoos that littered his skin. It was beautiful and raw, and him. You went to press a kiss to the butterfly on his stomach; the only one you can reach, and trailing down to the vines on his hips. Harry throws his head back, loving the feeling of your lips on his. You reach for his pants and before you can fully unbutton, he stops you.

“No, no. Tonight’s about you, baby,” he says as his face is close to yours and he kisses the tip of your nose. You nod slightly, feeling yourself blush; and he pushes your shoulder back so you’re fully laying down on your bed. “You want this, right?” Your head nods quickly, enough to make yourself dizzy. “Need words, love.”

“Yes. I want this so bad.” The words come out quickly, eagerly. Harry smirks at your response, and kisses down your stomach towards the hem of your pants.

He fully removes your bottoms, only leaving your panties, and Harry thinks that you’re just a sight. “God, baby, you’re so beautiful,” he says smiling. His words made you blush, shying away from him by turning your head. “Nuh uh, don’t get shy on me now, my love. It’s just me. You’re comfortable with me, right?”

“Of course,” you respond, remembering that he prefers words rather than gestures.

“I’m glad.”

He continues kissing along the hem of your panties, teasing you slightly by dragging his tongue along your skin. The feeling makes you whimper and buck your hips slightly; wanting more than his kisses.

The fast motion of your panties swiftly being removed catches you off guard as you look down and see Harry looking at your bare pussy with hungry eyes. “Look at you. Fuck.” It takes everything in him to not devour you right then and there, but he wanted this moment to last and for you to enjoy yourself. He has been waiting for this moment the first time you walked into his office, and he couldn’t wait to get a taste of you.

“Harry…” you whimper.

“Yes?”

“Please just lick me already.”

Harry kneels on the floor, kissing your inner thighs before taking one long lick up your pussy. The feeling of his tongue makes you moan out loud from the built up tension that you’ve been filled up with since the beginning of the semester.

“Fuck, so good,” he says, going in for another lick, but doesn’t stop this time. He takes your clit into his mouth, sucking on it as well as giving it kitten licks. Your hands fall to his hair as you tug, and your face falls to the side as you try and drown your moans against the mattress.

You continue moaning, but they’re muffled and Harry looks up at you. “No, none of that. Don’t hide away your moans. Wanna hear ya, baby. Let me know I’m licking you up just right--just how you like it,” he says and gets back to eating you out. You give him an ‘okay’ before wailing out in pleasure.

The thought had surprised you as you’ve never been with anyone who made sure you were feeling good and alright. And you absolutely loved it.

Harry’s fingers enter you, pumping and curling and finding your g spot. “Fuck, you’re so wet. Who got you this wet?” He teases.

“You.”

“I did?”

“Yes. You, Mr Styles.” Although you have been calling that more than you called him Harry, his name coming out of your mouth as you’re a moaning mess makes his cock even harder. He stares at you above him with dark eyes and nibbles on the skin of your inner thighs.

“You say you wanna explore? That no one has ever taken the time to make you feel good? Is that right, baby?” He says as he continues fucking you with his fingers.

“Mhm. No one has ever fucked me good enough for me to stay,” you say in an innocent and teasing tone, knowing that Harry will be the exact person that will do that for you.

“How about we have a little fun? With a certain vibrator of yours that you decided not to return? Do ya want that?”

“God, yes please.” Harry kisses your stomach, up to your chest, and then your lips before his fingers slip out and he walks over to unbox the new vibrator. It was a vibrator that you were able to put inside you as it stimulated your clit, and Harry has been dying to use one on you the second you showed it to him for extra credit. You heard the toy turn on as Harry played with the settings.

“Ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

Harry sets the vibrations to the lowest setting as he starts to tease your clit with it; slowly circling around it as you moan out from the new sensation. “Does that feel good? Do you want more?”

“Please. Give me more,” you say as you palm him over his underwear, but he pushes you away. “Baby, you’re hard. Let me touch you, please,” you plead.

“This is all about you, so be a good girl and just enjoy this,” he says and you close your eyes, waiting for what’s to come. Harry sets the setting a bit higher. The setting is on a medium level, more stimulations to your clit as Harry moves the toy around. “Holy shit, that feels so good,” you throw your head back onto the bed.

“Yeah? Good thing I told you to keep it. You can use this when I’m not here to fuck you, unless I tell you not to touch yourself and have you wait until I stuff myself in your tight pussy.” The dirty talk is driving you wild along with the vibrator. “Gonna put it higher,” he says and doesn’t wait for you to answer.

“Oh my...fuck!” The setting is at its highest along with the part of the toy that is inside you; Harry moving the toy around a bit so it can thrust inside of you. You’re completely thrashing around on the sheets, and Harry has to physically spread your legs apart as you keep trying to close them.

Harry lays beside you, kissing your chest and taking your pebbled nipple into his mouth and sucking on it. Your hand naturally finds his hair and pulls on it as you bring his face to yours, and he gives you a solid kiss. You hold him against you as there were no movements of your lips with his; just the touch of your lips together as you try to control your moans.

As you two part, you scream out, “I’m gonna fucking cum!”

“C’mon, let go for me, baby. Cum for me,” Harry encourages you.

After a few more thrusts and vibrations to your clit, your orgasm washes over you and hits you hard. Your back arched, and you turned, still feeling the stimulation from the toy.

“There ya go. That’s it,” Harry says as he slowly pulls the toy out and replacing it with his hand, gently cupping over you and feeling your wetness as you come down from your high. Your moans have been controlled, and you started whimpering from how powerful your peak was. “You’re okay. Shh. You’re okay, baby.”

You buried your face into Harry’s neck, and he scratches your back, calming you down. After a moment, you lift your head up and lazily smile at Harry, causing him to giggle a bit and kiss you. The kiss didn’t last long nor was it deepened; it was a sweet and loving kiss, and a thank you to him.

“Was that okay?” He asks.

“That was fucking amazing. Never came like that before,” you tell him honestly.

“Well, I’m glad,” he kisses your lips briefly as he couldn’t get enough of them.

“So…” you trail off.

“So…” he repeats.

“Do I get my extra credit?” You ask in a playful manner, and he laughs loud making your heart flutter over the beautiful sound of his laugh.

“Oh, baby. You get more than extra credit.”

feedback here <3

MASTERLIST

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kaissauce · 3 years

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okay, phucker, do it

ok let's do this @rolli-zolli @ninikins

Horrortale: technically an alternate timeline instead of au. after a neutral run where undyne's queen the core malfunctions and food becomes scarce and people resort to eating humans because sans suggested it. Aliza is the protag. latest thing that happened in the ongoing comic was Aliza agreeing to go with Papyrus to solve his last puzzle. as for the appearance of sans he has a HUGE hole on his head and a red eye. he got the hole from undyne when she got his magic eye which was going to be used to power the core. sans didnt die tho and killed the guards holding him down and just took whatever eye was on the ground and used it as a replacement for his magic eye that's powering the core. i quote first words he said after putting the eye in his socket "who the fuck took my phone?". then the magic eye went apeshit and broke the core again. oh and also he made alphys braindead by quite literally scrambling her brain. yeah this au is rough sans hasn't really eaten anything since the core was destroyed since he decided not to eat any humans.

Dusttale: i think this was originally a korean au? basic rundown: too many genocide runs sans goes apeshit and tries to get his Lv up by killing monsters himself man went fuckin insane kills his brother blah blah blah edgy angsty au the ghost of papyrus haunts him n stuff. sans literally just looks the same except he has his hood on and sometimes artists draw him with papyrus's scarf. the cool artists draw him with his hood on and has the hood completely cover his face so u can only see his glowing pupils. although people call him dust sans he's actually named murder sans

Killer: so frickin similar to dusttale except sans goes apeshit because of the human being like "join me lmao". three different outcomes come from this. i think it was 1 sans joins human 2 sans joins human kills human later on 3 kills human or something. friends with color sans who is basically his impulse control. pretty sure his soul's fucked up and Color sans tries to make his soul un-fucked but Nightmare comes in and fucks up the progress. he has white shorts, his eye sockets are constantly pitch black and leaking tar or something also has a weird target thingy on his chest. OH YEAH ALSO HE HAS BEEF WITH UNDERSWAP SANS ALMOST FORGOT. basically swap sans tried to make killer good and then they had a fight, swap sans lost and was on the verge of dying thankfully swap papyrus was able to save him in time i think

Dreamtale: Dream isn't in the drawing but his brother, Nightmare is. Sooo he used to not look all goooy and have tentacles n stuff but then he ate a couple hundred apples and yeah. he's six years old apparently. Nightmare and Dream are supposed to be guardians of a tree that has 500 golden apples and 500 black n goopy apples. the golden aples are positive and the goop ones are negative. you're not supposed to eat either of them cus bad shit happens. Dream and Nightmare live in a village and for whatever reason they're all dicks to Nightmare because ooughh he's the guardian of negativity that's not baller. he also goes apeshit (do u see a pattern here) and eats a goopy apple n then becomes the goop man he is today. he fuckin eats 999 apples jesus christ. and the last one is eaten by Dream because if u eat all 1000 apples u become unstoppable and immortal. so that would be a bad thing if nightmare got the last one. wop wop wop these dude aren't sanses they only have the body of one if that makes sanse.

Error: manlet. he's literally an error and that's why he's like that. also he's technically not a sans now, the redesign for him was so that he could be in the creator's webcomic named Lucidia. Error sans, aka the destroyer of aus, finds aus to be mistakes so he tries to get rid of them. his process of doing this is simple: get the human soul to the void so that they can't reset, destroy the au. he primarily attacks using his strings which can wrap around one's soul and control them. he like some aus like outertale because of how open and empty it is. he likes to be alone and has haphephobia. if u touch him he'll glitch out and possibly crash. he crashes whenever gets overwhelmed. said crashing causes him to shut down and reboot and he's powerless while doing so. he's actually pretty easy to beat if you know how to push his buttons the right way. in the og ask error blog made by his creator Loverofpiggies he kidnaps Swap sans who tries to help Error become a better person. this ends horribly as error leaves Swap sans in the void who then becomes an error aswell due to being alone in the void too long. Error actually regrets doing that to swap sans

Aftertale: OK FUN FACT THE SANS OF THIS AU, WHO'S NICKNAMED "Geno" IS ERROR. aftertale is a comic made by LoverofPiggies it's been SOOOO long since i last read it so i cant really give a good summary. but anyways Geno is trapped in the loading screen with the human and will die if he leaves the loading screen. eventually from being in the loading screen for too long after the events of aftertale he becomes Error.

OOF WOWIE THERE'S SO MUCH TO GO

Underfresh: he's not even a sans either. "Fresh" is a parasite inhabiting a skeleton. his birthday is on 4/20 which is ironic cus he doesn't like drugs. he censors swears. he speaks 90's lingo and dresses like a neon sign. for some reason he has eyebrows and a gold tooth. the glasses he has can change text but normally defaults to "YOLO". he can't feel anything since he has no soul of his own and just latches onto the host's. instead he learns how to act from the people around him. not being able to feel actually bothers him a LOT

Echotale: Aka Gaster sans. uhhh this one was also a comic if i remember correctly. basically Frisk and G!Sans are the only ones in the au and they're trying to find the core to fix the fucked up timeline that they're in but the core keeps changing positions so that sucks.

Swapfell: originally made by Khhoppang who left social media. Started out as an Alphys x Undyne au so only those two were designed but Kh was planning to design more of the characters. before they could people had a field day with the idea of mashing two aus together and SO many people came up with their own designs for sans and papyrus. Khhoppang left social media because they got overwhelmed with all the art reposters and stuff, pretty sad. the appearance of the sans in that au is the purple one with a scythe (i dont think he has a scythe in the og design).

Swapfell Red: so basically this is the swapfell made by people that isn't Khhoppang. community made per se. Sans's appearance changes constantly because as said before many people made many different designs. typically he just looks like Swap sans but with red high heel boots and his color scheme fits underfell

Fellswap (gold): Au made by blackggggum. so swapfell is underswap turned fell, fell swap is underfell swapped it takes a bit to understand that. his appearance is somewhat similar to Swapfell red. He's kind to his friends but if ur his enemy he'll fucking deck you. he's blind in his left eye, the leader of the royal guard, and secretly into dressmaking. fun fact in this au Papyrus has autism

Xtale: uuuuhhhh so Cross is a complicated one. he's part of the royal guard along with papyrus. has beef with xgaster. responsible for the downfall of his au and then Underverse happens and Ink is all "oh cool someone to mess with" and they became friends for a bit then shit hit the fan

Underfell: OOOOO YES UNIRONICALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITES. So Underfell sans is actually a very powerful mf and constantly has his magic eye activated because he has so much magic. This au is also technically an alternate timeline where monsters "lost their humanity" as the creator put it. so basically trust in the underground is scarce. Sans and papyrus, contrary to many interpretations i fucking hate, are actually on good terms (and no sans doesn't call papyrus "boss" the creator said if he does he'd do it ironically and papyrus would hate it). Fun facts he pays Grillby in socks (grillby accepts the socks as payment and wears them), if u make grillby laugh he gives u a jacket that looks like his and it's heavily implied that sans made him laugh because their jackets are similar

Underswap: ah yes another classic that i love as well. originally made by PopcornPr1nce who fled social media because they hated how the majority fandom treated Underswap (Blueberry and Carrot were popular names for the fanon swap papyrus and sans). Swap sans is constantly infantilized by the community which sucks and i hate it so i draw my own very super cool version of him whom i kin because i am also very super cool.

Outertale: mainly an aesthetic au pretty sure there's no comic of it. basically, instead of underground they in space. outer sans dies in underverse after like minutes of screentime lmao

Epictale: a comic made by Yugogeer. the og comic was retconned and the creator loathes the original version and made a reboot that's much better. Sans actually dies very early in it because Yugo hates how Sans is almost always focused on in aus. also the creator hates how meme-y their sans has become (like him saying bruh every single sentence, using a rubber chicken as a weapon, cookies, etc.) he's friends with Cross but not in canon. He has a purple magic eye that makes him immortal and i think only epic gaster could remove it which is how sans was able to be killed when he fought gaster.

Temmietale: it's undertale but everyone is temmie, don't question it

Trainertale: it's undertale but it's Pokemon, don't question it

Dancetale: it's undertale but you dance instead of fight, don't

Mobtale/Mafiatale: im unsure if mobtale and mafiatale are separate or not but they are very similar. basically undertale but mafia it's self explanatory

Undertale: no clue which au is this one, nope not at all/j

Bittytale or whatever idk: so take sans, make him small. boom. never understood this au

THAT BASTARD INK: HOOO BOY SAVED THE WORST FOR LAST. FUCK THIS GUY/j. THIS DUDE. IS THE REASON IM STILL INTO UNDERTALE AUS. I LOVE EM SO MUCH. also technically not a sans. He comes from an unfinished au and ripped his own soul to escape said au and became an outcode. for so long he was just a soulless husk until someone drew him and he got splashed with paint which let him feel. soon he learned to keep the paint in vials so that he can be able to feel 24/7. And then he learned how to create things with a paintbrush and the paint and spent time alone drawing up his own world until a portal appeared and took him to the multiverse. now he encourages artists to keep creating aus. he's the protector of aus in the sense that he keeps other outcodes from disrupting the script of the au, so if it's pacifist and an outcode tries to kill people he'd stop them, if it's genocide and an outcode tried to help them he'd stop them. no matter what he wants the au to stay on script. fun fact the creator of ink and the creator of error never had them interact with each other in canon, that was all the fandom's doing. Contrary to popular belief he's not really considered "good" his alignment is officially "Chaotic neutral". I personally interpret him a lot more chaotic than in canon because it's fun but he's a pretty chill guy actually. he can just be a bit of an ass sometimes. According to the creator of Ink (who is Comyet) his interpretation in Underverse is not canon compliant. one of the biggest canon things that underverse contradicts is Ink deliberately not taking his vials. if he were to do that in canon he'd become a husk again which is the equivalent of him "dying". he was described as a walking corpse by Comyet, without the vials he can't function anymore. Like Error he's pretty easy to beat if you know his weaknesses. also he has fears of empty spaces and being alone

off topic kinda but i very much love how Error and Ink are opposites yet parallel even though they were completely written without the other in mind. Error believes getting rid of aus is getting rid of anomalies. Ink believes people interfering with aus are anomalies. Error loves emptiness, Ink hates emptiness. list goes on it's funky fresh.

also uhhh sanses missing from that drawing that i can name from the top of my head

Seraphim sans, Insans, Dusttrust, He who shall not be named because he's from an 18+ au, Swapswap (yes. that exists), Storyshift, Inverted Fate (very good au i suggest checking it out), Negatale, Oceantale, Template, Pale, Mafiafell, Farmtale

my phone is at 9% y'all are spared from me going on

#long post #ask #ninikins #rolli zolli

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messy-does-cosmology · 3 years

Text

Astrophysics Tools for Research and Data Analysis!

Hi guys, I've been wanting to make a post about how to use various data analysis and research tools for astrophysics, because I had a pretty hands-off supervisor and had to figure things out myself, with my research partner, or by asking academics I knew (like my friend Will). So, this is going to be a quick rundown of how to find data catalogues, download them, and analyse them (using Topcat), and then also how to use search tools like the SDSS and SIMBAD. There is not going to be anything in here about finding research papers, or search terms for google scholar, because firstly I am a noob with those and secondly because there are already beautiful, detailed posts about that. This is specifically for when you want to get some data, analyse it, and search for sources in other catalogues.

First up: how do I find my data?

Well, we use VizieR.

This is a nice, sexy, unintuitive website where you can search for various data catalogues and download them. For this, you will probably want to already know what catalogue you want by the time you get there, so I would recommend reading around. The simplest way to do that is to search on google: "[instrument name] [source type] catalogue" and read whatever papers come up. For example, you might be looking in radio, at the FIRST survey, and decide you want to look at blazar data. So you should google "FIRST radio survey blazar catalogue" and see what comes up. You are going to want to eventually know as much as possible about your catalogue's selection criteria, and what it's specs are, but for now you can start by just skimming the paper and searching it up in VizieR.

Your next step is actually finding the catalogues.

VizieR looks like this, and you should be able to find your survey by typing in its name into the little search box you see here. Next, when you have searched and been able to find your survey, clicking on it should lead you to a page like this one:

The important thing here, is to switch some stuff under the preferences heading. If you're using Topcat, you want to switch the HTML table to a VOTable, and you want to switch the maximum number of rows from 50 to unlimited. This will allow you to download the full catalogue. I suspect that if you are using Python or RStudio for data analysis, you probably want to keep it in the HTML format.

So once you have your preferences looking like this, you click the "Submit" button in the bottom right of the page, and the table should start downloading.

Great! Now you have your data! How to analyse it though?

Use Topcat!

Topcat is a piece of software developed by Mark Taylor at Nottingham University, purely for the purpose of astrophysics data analysis. As a result of this, it has some really useful features and is in general much easier to use than writing your own code in, for example, Python.

Once you download Topcat, it might take some effort to get your computer to open it, because it is not by a verified developer. That being said, it is safe, so do what you can to get it open.

Loading it up, you should find yourself looking at a grey control panel. On the left will be a blank list of tables, and next to that will be a blank space, and above all of that there will be a toolbar. The first thing you want to do is load your table into Topcat.

So, to do that, you want to click on the left-most button on the toolbar, the one shaped like a file. There, you click "system browser" and go through your files and find the VOTable you downloaded from VizieR (unless you renamed it, it will be called VOTable). This will load your data in. Now, your table list should include your VOTable data. When you have this selected in the main panel, you can use different toolbar buttons to either look at the table itself or visualise the data. Full disclosure, I am not that seasoned with using Topcat's most advanced features, so if you need to know how to use them, I would recommend checking out Mark Taylor's video tutorial here.

For the basics, the first 3 buttons in the toolbar are used to import and export data, the next 6 buttons are used to look at the table, and the following 6 buttons are used to represent the data in graphs. After that, the next 3 buttons are used to: 1- match tables and combine them to make a new table, 2- query remote databases, 3- crossmatch sources against remote tables based on their sky position.

The most important buttons are the 4th one from the left, the 11th button along, and probably the one used for matching tables (it looks like a pair of matchsticks. Get it?). The 4th one allows you to look at and search through your tables, and the 11th one allows you to represent your data on a non-bar graph.

I won't go into a lot of depth here about how to use these 2-3 really important buttons, but if you have questions you can message me and I will try to answer!

Finally, what do you do if you find a source you think you want to investigate further, how do you find out more information about it?

Use SIMBAD, SDSS and other search tools!!

This is my final bit, so hang in there.

There are really convenient search tools for you to look up your sources in, and they all seemingly provide different things. SIMBAD has a bunch of different catalogues loaded into it, including transient catalogues, and you can input the location of your source, and it will either tell you what it thinks it is, or it will tell you what is nearby to your source's location. So firstly, you can find SIMBAD here, and when you go to that link, you should see this:

There are different query methods. You can search by coordinates, criteria, or identifier, so if you have the information for where the source is or what it's called, it should be not too hard to find what you're looking for.

I'm starting with an identifier query for M31, the Andromeda galaxy, just to show you how it works for a well-known, well-defined source:

You can see that SIMBAD has given me data about this source, including a little view of it on the sky, and what it's called and what it is. It has some information about the object's speed and its magnitude in different bands. Andromeda is probably one of the most observed galaxies ever, so there is a lot of information here.

Searching for a more obscure source yields fewer results, with less information about the sources and less certainty that the sources have been correctly identified.

This was a coordinate search for a source I have looked at in WISE data, and it says that there is not an accepted exact match for this source, but that the closest registered object is a white dwarf candidate 0.31 arcseconds away. I can click on that candidate and be provided with a page of information like I was for Andromeda, but with less concrete data. The source I'm searching for is actually an AGN candidate, but it is so un-researched that it simply doesn't show up as anything useful.

Our next thing is the SDSS, the sloan digital sky survey. This contains a lot of spectra for different sources, and does not tend to tell you about nearby sources. For the SDSS, you have to know the RA and DEC of your source in degrees, which is a little annoying. You can find them usually by looking in your table on Topcat.

The SDSS honestly looks like a kid's dress up game from mathgames dot com, but it's an actual serious tool. Sigh. The most important thing is to NOT USE this page at all, and to instead click the little "explore" link under the DR16 logo. That should look like this:

As you can see, this is a bunch of information about the source it automatically highlighted. It's useful info, but you probably don't want to know about this source. You probably want to find your own source here. So, to do that you have to click "search" on the left hand side, which should add these search boxes to the top of the page:

Here, you put in the RA and Dec, and then press the "Go" button next to it. This should give you an info page, like the one above, but with YOUR source. Otherwise, it will give you an error message saying it doesn't know where your source is and it doesn't have a record of it. That's ok, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, but it could mean that this source is not documented in other large catalogues.

Well, that's all folks! Good luck!

#physics #astronomy #astrophysics #data analysis #studyblr #studying #student

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whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years

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HEY B GIMMIE THAT SWEET SWEET RIVAL MATCHUP U ALREADY KNO

You already know who this is but ill still give u a hot rundown: My names Ally, im 20 years old 5’7’’ and a Leo/year of the dragon/INFP. She/They pronouns and im Pansexual but i dont think that matters much in this situation >:P. Appearance wise i have shoulder length curly red hair and green/grey eyes, suuuuper pale skin and freckles. Im def an ambivert, very protective of people who mean alot to me and kind of sharp tempered, especially when people start talking about shit they dont know anything about. Im also a pretty big perfectionist and people pleaser and will beat the FUCK outta myself if i feel like i let people down or made people upset when i could have helped it. But thats all about me, heres those wacky questions!

- Stated before, but im an August Leo! I would say my aura would probably be a pinkish/ purple color? For dislikes i def dont like bitter foods, being too hot, rumors, people talking behind my back, ppl who act like they know what theyre talking about, ppl cutting me off when i lose my train of thought, conservatives, not caring about climate change/the planet in general, tight or restrictive clothes, not having enough time in the day, capitalism, ect. Honestly the most off the wall thing for me that would make me throw hands on sight would probably be someone saying some shit about my close friends behind their back to me.

- Once when I was 14 me and about 10 other people squeezed into a mini van at about 3am and drove around the town, not a single one of us had a license or were over the age of 16, and we were all ridiculously drunk and high the entire time (except the driver. we were underage, not stupid). After driving halfway across the island we got pulled over by cop on the interstate, and he walked up to the car, looked at the driver, then into the passenger seat and saw literally 10 KIDS OBVIOUSLY DRINKING and the car absolutely reeked of bud, then looked back at the driver and simply told him “Your tail light is out. Get home safe” and drove away. Ive never seen god faster than that moment LMAO

- I could never willingly fight a raccoon, youre sick for suggesting that >:/ They are precious boys and ive saved too many from drowning in my pool for me to lay a finger on one. And as for dealbreakers? My biggest one in a relationship is cheating, but thats pretty basic LMAO. I would also say one that’s definitely second in rank would be expecting someone to stay the same through out the relationship and getting upset when the person changes. We are human beings and developing and growing, if you dont support me in that nothing is going to work. I explained a bunch of things i dislike in people above, but ill also add in here people who hurt animals in any way/ litter for no reason. If one of my friends throws a piece of trash out of my car im slammin on the brakes and youre getting out and picking it up. And god forBID you touch an animal around me il doing whatever you did to it to yourself no hesitation.

- I would hate being stuck in a room with anyone, i have decently bad claustrophobia and if we were in there for more than a day i would start bugging out LOL But probably the worst type of person would be someone who just doesn’t shut up and trys to act like they know everything. Those are like, the most insufferable people to me. ESPECIALLY if theyre wrong and refuse to admit it. Whenever i think of being locked in a room, somehow i always imagine like a dark navy blue room with one small window and completely empty floors and walls, everything made out of carpet. Dont ask me why, i have absolutely no clue.

my feed back is ily bitch gimmie a good one i wanna fight a bitch

Your enemy is… Eyeless Jack!

In general:

I told you this yesterday but I wasn’t expecting you to send this in and must've spent like 5 straight minutes wheezing reading this. My gut reaction was Jeff, but based on what you wrote about the room, I’m going to say your enemy is actually Eyeless Jack!

Things he doesn’t like about you and how he pisses you off:

EJ doesn’t like that you’re a Leo. I’m not elaborating on that. He’s such a cold, clinical, heartless bastard that everything you are just goes against whatever tf he actually believes and acts as. I feel like you being a perfectionist would just brush against his perfectionist tendencies and habits. He’d say everything you’re doing is wrong. Just a dick. EJ may or may not exploit your weaknesses but that’s just because he thinks it’s fun and doesn’t like you.

EJ is a god of knowing what he’s talking about and it leads to this cocky, know it all attitude. It’s gonna brush you the wrong way. He knows that and takes joy in it. He will always attempt to one up you in knowledge and grin when he sees you falter. On the other end, if you catch him off guard he’s gonna be SO MAD. He will purposely turn up the heat in your presence just to make you upset. He will breathe down your neck and get in your personal space just to make you more uncomfortable. EJ isn’t anywhere NEAR a conservative or a climate change denier but he will take those positions just to make you mad and laugh over your attempts at arguing with him. Like Jeff, he’s a huge devil’s advocate and will start shit just because he can. I don’t actually think he’d talk about your friends negatively in front of you though, but he would definitely say stuff about you to your face.

EJ thinks it’s stupid you drank underage and will poke that memory. He will use insults about alcohol and the brain despite drinking a ton himself. If you call him out on it, he will fold. Literally throw everything he says about you back at him and he will get puffy and fast. EJ can’t always handle change that well so like, he’s a stubborn guy. Despite how logical he can be and how smart he is, socially he is so uncouth!! EJ doesn’t litter so you don’t have to worry about that but he’s definitely gonna do things that push your buttons, mostly say things that put you off. He’s not claustrophobic. He will put you in situations like that just because he can. The dark navy blue of his mask is going to haunt you. EJ will act like a god in your presence and snarl when you dare question his abilities. CALL HIM OUT. HUMBLE HIM PLEASE.

He agrees on the raccoon thing ngl. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but EJ has such a soft spot for animals - mostly birds - but he can’t fault you for the raccoon thing. He's also not too fond of litter so he has to agree with you on that one too.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things:

Knowing you for as long as I have, I was so, so ready to actually put you with Jeff. However, the more I read into this the more my intuition screeched that you would actually throw hands with EJ and I find that HILARIOUS. Just the arguments between you and this tall, muscular demon man is just - “what? What? WHAT” It’s beautiful. I’m serious, Merida vs. a literal demon. That’s all. Ily. <3

#eyeless jack #eyeless jack headcanon #creepypasta #creepypasta matchup #enemy matchups #rival matchups

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idk-my-aesthetic · 3 years

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Ok the whole thing w/ clogging up ao3 tags is stupid for multiple reasons, like how it fucks with screen readers for one, but the MAJOR issue is that having too many tags isn’t actually a problem w/ ao3

Like seriously guys? There is a lot to criticize. And I say this as someone who heavily relied on fandom spaces to get me through some really really hard times and still loves ao3. I can say I love what it does for fandom while also acknowledging there’s some seriously fucked up shit going on both behind the scenes and with ppl who use the site. It’s literally like saying “I love tumblr but I acknowledge there are literal nazis on here and as a Jew/human with a working brain I hate them and that they’ve been here so long”

Like. I get u think ur sticking it to the man or whatever. And idk I partially agree bc. There’s so much nasty shit and some technically illegal shit that I don’t want to even mention! But ur not even wasting the moderators time or anything ur just being obnoxious and then everyone starts discoursing on tumblr and I’m legitimately tired of it. I don’t wanna see ppl defending gross stuff and I’m tired of talking about the ppl who do defend gross stuff bc I don’t wanna remember that they exist bc I have shit to do irl and not enough space in my brain for them

So. Idk ima propose at least a temporary solution before I have to hear one more argument for or against censorship bc y’all seriously don’t understand how to have a nuanced conversation

How about instead of asking AO3 to take down gross fics (which may or may not be morally correct but will 100% reopen a very over done conversation) instead we ask for some specific plausible things

1) when you use ao3 explicit and unrated fics are automatically filtered out. They do this on ff.net. Yes it may be like 2 extra clicks for ppl who wanna read explicit stuff but ppl who don’t are going to do that anyway, and it protects the people who don’t know to do that and don’t want to read graphic tags. Most importantly it requires consent to browse explicit fics. Yeah you need to give consent to read explicit stuff, but you can look through the incredibly graphic tags/summaries without consenting to anything. It’s literally the default. Which is both upsetting to ppl who don’t wanna see that and also maybe a bit of a legal loophole they should close up

2) a “suggest tags” feature. This would be moderated by authors not ao3 staff. Basically ppl can like..... idk entire a series of tags and you can choose if you want to add them or not. The person submitting them has an option to be anonymous or not. Obviously the author doesn’t have to add every random tag and it might be annoying but it would help with making sure triggers got tagged. It would be helpful if it didn’t let you suggest tags that were already suggested/on the fic but I’m not too picky. Like I said the point of this is to make sure ppl can block stuff properly, and it honestly might also help authors with visibility bc like. Obviously you know the tags you use but you don’t know what tags other ppl look for. Again maybe it may be obnoxious with ppl having a lot of tags but people already have a lot of tags

3) a dispute rating button. Now before someone bitches at me that the ao3 moderators don’t have time to go through disputes- I know I already took that into consideration. Basically the idea is when you dispute the rating the site will ask you what rating you think it should be and anonymously log it. So if someone rated something M but you think it should be an E the site will log that and send a message to the author. The author has a choice if they actually want to listen to ppl and change the rating or not. They don’t actually have to listen to the ppl disputing the rating. Unless they get a certain amount of disputes. I was thinking maybe like 50 or so?* So if 50 ppl say “hey this really needs to have a different rating” then and only then would the moderators take a look at the fic. And the moderators would then figure out what the rating should be.

(*idk if 50 is the right #. I was thinking it should maybe work on like a percentage of your hits in the fic?)

3.5) have a sexual content marker. This is marked as 3.5 bc i feel like this idea if implemented would be misused. But yeah in theory you could just have a sexual content marker that could be clicked by the OP and then automatically filtered. Again you could use the system from #3 but again I feel like ppl would missuse it.

Anyway yeah. I wanted to give some viable solutions ppl on both sides might actually agree with. Like I get not wanting to make concessions with gross ppl, but it’s a lot faster so I’m ok with doing it for now while the rest of y’all continue to debate or w/e

Final note- please for the love of g-d learn how ratings work. Ask someone else’s opinion if you have too. I have seen so many explicit fics marked as mature or teen it’s a legitimate problem. I’ll give a quick rundown of what each rating means but pls guys

General- g- basically go by what you’d see in a Disney cartoon

Teen- pg/pg 13 - there are swears there’s violence, sex may be mentioned, you might call someone sexy or smthn idc, but no one is shown having sex or or discussing/thinking about it in detail

Mature- R - injuries/gore may be described with more detail. Uhh there could be some heavy making out and the characters might talk about sex or feeling sexually attracted to someone. But actual sex is not shown!! If you have to mention or refer to someone’s genetalia in any sexual way you should probably move it up to an E. Even if ur characters are fully clothed the entire time. Also If you’re talking about kinks outside of a quick joke or reference you should probably move it up to an E.

Explicit- NC 17- sexually explicit content. (You can put non-sexual violent stuff under here but most ppl leave it under mature)

TLDR/oversimplification(for the ratings) -

General: nothing sexual

Teen: implied sex

Mature: refrenced sex

Explicit: shown sex

General tldr:

Some criticisms of Ao3 are valid and needed, and some are just stupid and infuriating (specifically talking about the tag thing stop it’s annoying and ableist). There is constant arguments and drama surrounding those criticisms, and I decided to offer some solutions that actually have a chance at getting implemented, even if I would prefer a different option.

#ao3 #ao3 drama #ao3 tags #I’m really swinging a bat at a bees nest huh #shipping discourse #ao3 discourse #I don’t want anyone to come yell at me for either defending OR demonizing ao3 #please understand that I can have a nuanced opinion where I both love and greatly dislike it at the same time #also I’m tagging this with shipping discourse and shit but pls don’t bug me about that #literally all I have to say on it is a) don’t harass ppl b) don’t do gross shit c) if someone likes something harmless don’t be a d*ck #and d) u are not immune to criticism #if you get called out for being racist or gross you don’t get a get out of jail free card just bc we’re online #if you hand sew a nazi flag ppl are allowed to get mad even if it’s ur hobby #if you harass someone by mail your going to jail #don’t do shit online you wouldn’t do irl and expect 0 consequences #this is several bees nests and I am a coward so I’m posting this and immediately going to bed

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hypocrisyofandrewdobson · 3 years

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Dobson's Patreon: An Addendum to His Monument of Sins

(The following is a submission from @soyouareandrewdobson, meant to be an addendum to the multi-post submission @ripsinfest made a while back. Ironically, this one also had issues when being submitted, so I’ll be copypasting it here with all the images and links originally intended.)

In 2018, user @ripsinfest wrote a multipart series of posts for THOAD, recounting Dobson’s attempt to establish a patreon in 2015 and how it resulted in failure on a massive scale, to the point that his patreon is arguably “a monument to all his sins”.

Personally I think the post series is extremely well researched, rather “neutral” in terms of tone (letting the posts provided as evidence speak more for themselves than the opinion of the writer) and gives a detailed but quick rundown on what went wrong. Primarily that Dobson overestimated his own “value” as an artist and did NOT attempt to give his few supporters what they wanted through his artwork posted around the time.

I do however want to use the opportunity to also point out at certain obvious things that in my opinion (and likely the opinions of others) added to the failure of the patreon account, that were not accounted for in detail and are primarily related to how the internet perceives popularity and Dobson’s inability to understand, how to “sell” and make himself look good to the public.

To begin with, let’s just point out a certain truth about making money via Patreon: To do so, depends a lot on your popularity as a content creator online. That is simply because the more popular you are, the bigger your fanbase is and as such the more likely a certain percentage of people may be willing to donate money to you and your work in hopes they get something out of it, even if it is just the altruistic feeling of having helped someone they “like”. It doesn’t take a genius to see, how e.g. internet reviewers such as Linkara or moviebob (around 2800 and 4400$ earnings via patreon each month respectively) can make quite some money, while other, more obscure content creator or artists barely make money to go by, earning essentially pocket money at best.

In addition, popularity is fleeting. A few years ago e.g. internet personality Noah Antweiler aka The SpoonyOne managed to earn 5000$ a month via patreon, just shortly after establishing his account. But his lack of content over the years AND his toxic behavior online resulted in a decline of popularity and with it people jumping off his Patreon. As such, Antweiler only earns nowadays around 290$ a month via Patreon and most of that money is likely form people who have forgotten they donate to him in the first place anyway.

And Noah is not the only one who over the course of the last couple of years lost earnings. Brianna Wu makes barely more than he does, despite having once been the “darling” of the internet when the Gamergate controversy was at its peak. Many Bronies who once made more than 2k via video reviews on a show about little horses at the peak of its popularity (2013-15) earn less than 300-800 on average nowadays because interest on the show as well as people talking about it has declined.

Heck, in preparation of writing this piece I found out, that one of the highest grossing patreons nowadays is “The last podcast on the left”, a podcast that earns more than 67k a month by making recordings on obscure and macabre subjects on a regular basis.

So there you have it folks: As the interests of the internet users change, so does the popularity of certain people online and -in case they have a patreon account or similar plattforms- their chances of making money via their content.

Which now brings us back to Dobson, who was not popular at all at that particular time and managed to become even less popular as the months and years passed by.

Sure, Dobson had his fans via deviantart, people knew who he was. But the later was more because of “infamy” than popularity and the number of fans he had accumulated online were representing people interested in him at least since 2005 and did not quite represent his actual present day numbers of supporters at the time.

And mind you, the number of supporters was less than 100k, most of them likely underaged deviantart users. And if my research indicates something, then that most content creators with a halfway decent patreon earning need at least 100k+ followers in total. Because of those fans, only around 1-3% will on average then spend money on you, if you actually create content they enjoy and on a regular basis.

Which brings up the next major problem: Dobson did not create content people enjoyed and that in more than one meaning of the word.

On one hand, as pointed out by ripsinfest, he barely released any content at all over 2015 after a few initial months, despite the fact that he was obviously active online a lot, as shown by his presence on twitter. On the other hand, the few things he did create were not the stuff people wanted.

As an example: If you go to a restaurant and pay for a pizza, you expect the cook to give you a pizza. If however for some reason he just gives you a soda, you get ripped off and never come back. In Dobson’s case, the thing people wanted was not pizza but comic pages. But what he delivered was mostly bland fanart, such as of Disney and Marvel characters crossing over or KorraSami. Sure, a few strips of “So…you are a cartoonist” were still released at the time, but not really many.

To give an overview: Taking the release dates on Dobson’s official SYAC site into account, he released around 16 strips of it between March and August of 2015, the last two being “No Leia” being titled “Zip line”

Afterwards, the next official strip released was “Anything at all” in October of 2016.

Now to be fair, there was at least one more strip at the time Dobson released via patreon, that is also save to see on kiwifarms and other plattforms, which has not been uploaded to his official SYAC page. Likely because he simply forgot about it.

But I think that in itself should tell you something about Dobson’s work ethics when it comes to his webcomics. He promoted his patreon in his own video as a way to ensure he can make comics in a timely fashion again for others to enjoy, but in an environment where certain artists are capable to create multiple strips per week at minimum, Dobson could overall not manage to produce more than 16 over a course of six months, which means an average production of 3 strips per month.

For comparison, Tatsuya Ishida of the infamous sinfest webcomic (a garbage fire of epic proportions from a TERF who I think should be put on a watch list) has produced on average 4 strips per week, including full page Sunday strips, for years and nowadays even releases stuff on a daily basis to pass the covid crisis. So a mad man who wants to see trnas people die, has better work ethics than Dobson.

In other words, people expected Dobson to actually get back into creating comics (with some even expecting a return of Alex ze Pirate), but he got in fact even lazier than before, releasing only SYAC strips and random fanart as a product. Which he then also tried to justify as his choice to make because a) he had mental health issues and b) no one can tell him what to do.

And sure, people do not need to tell you what to do. But when people pay/donate money to you expecting to get a certain product in return, they should get the product. Linkara e.g. by all means doesn’t NEED to review comics to have a fullfilling life, but he got famous for his reviews, people want to see his reviews and they pay him for those reviews. So obviously, he will continue those things.

Then there is also the fact that despite Dobson’s claims how he wants to create comics for everone to enjoy and that he aims to keep his artwork online for free so anyone can view it…(his exact words in his promotional video AND text on his patreon once upon a time)

youtube

…the reality was, that he wanted to use patreon as a paywall. Something I actually kinda pointed out at on my own account (shameless self promotion) once, but want now to elaborate a bit. Basically at the time Dobson opened up his patreon, he also was on the verge of leaving deviantart as a platform people could look at his work behind. Which he eventually did.

Meaning that the only major platforms for people to watch any “new” stuff by him were his patreon or art sites such as the SYAC homepage or andysartwork. Which granted, he did EVENTUALLY put his stuff on.

But unlike other content creators who would put “patreon exclusive” new content up on more public plattforms often within a few days, weeks or a month after making them “patreon only” at first, Dobson waited longer and did barely anything to promote his sites as places to look his stuff up for a public audience. In doing so creating a “bubble” for himself that hurt him more than it helped, as Dobson made himself essentially come off as a snob.

A snob who did not create content for everybody to enjoy, but ONLY for those willing to pay him at least one dollar per month. As evident e.g. by the fact that as time went by, certain content was never released outside of his patreon at all, such as a SYAC strip involving Dobbear screaming at the computer because he saw a piece of art that featured tumblr nose.

Lastly, there is the issue of his patreon perks and stretch goals.

See, his perks were essentially non existent. Aside of the beggars reward of “my eternal thank you if you donate 1 dollar”, two other perks that come to my mind were the following: If you donated up to 5$ at minimum, you got your name thrown into a lottery to potentially win buttons and postcards of his artwork. Unsold cheap merch from years prior he failed to sell at conventions basically. There was just a problem with that thing: That lottery thing, which he also was only going to initiate when he reached a stretch goal of 150 dollar a month? It was illegal!

Patreon itself has in their user agreement a rule that forbids people from offering perks that essentially boil down to “earning” something via gambling, which this lottery by Dobson was.

(THOAD chiming in here to add that, in addition to all this, he fully admitted he would be excluding Patrons that he “knew were clearly trolls” from the lottery. Which made the already illegal lottery also fixed, so...yeah.)

The next thing coming to mind was his “discount” on previous books of his he offered online, if you donated at least 10 bucks per month to him. Or to translate it: You would get a bare minimum discount at pdf files of books such as Alex ze Pirate and Formera (you know, the permanently cancelled Dobson comics) if you paid up 50-75% of their original price on Patreon already. And considering the quality of his early works, he should have given you at least a book per month for free if you dared to donate him that much.

As for the stretch goals… lets go through them, shall we:

100$: A wallpaper per month. Something he did provide with eventually, but barely. And after less than five of those he stopped to make them overall

150$: Monthly Gift basket Lottery, which as I stated, was illegal and almost got him into serious trouble with his account. Also not an initial stretch goal he made up but instead came up with a few months into his accounts existence. Finally it got temporarily replaced by Dobson playing with the idea to use 150$ per month to open up a server and art site where people could upload stuff for free similar to deviantart, but under his administration. Promising a “safe space” for other artists. Which considering Dobson’s ego and inability to accept criticism or delegate responsibilities would have likely ended like this:

175$: Establishing a Minecraft server for him and his fans to play on. Meaning Dobson would have just wasted time he could spend on creating comics to endulge in his Minecraft obsession.

200$: Writing a Skyrim children book. Aside of the legal nightmare that this could have been (I doubt Valve would have been happy of someone else profiting of their property) I have to ask, who was even interested in Skyrim by 2015 anymore? Sure, Skyrim was a popular game and it had its qualities, but it was also a trend that had passed by that time. So in other words, there was not a market to cater towards here.

300$: A strip per week guaranteed.

… are you fucking kidding me? 75$ per strip essentially? Something people expect you to produce anyway if you want to be considered a “prolific” creator worth supporting online? Imagine if certain internet reviewers would do that, telling you that if they do not earn at least a certain amount of money, they will not produce anything, period, or less than usual. And Dobson had already proven that he can release more than just one comic within a few days, if he is motivated by enough spite.

600$: Starting a podcast with his friends to talk about nerd culture. In my opinion could only work under the assumption that people even like the idea of listening to Dobson and his opinions. Which considering how very little people like talking to him sounds doubtful. Also, considering how Dobson tends to be late to the party when it comes to nerd culture, likely tending to be out of date faster than he could upload. Finally... what friends?

700$: Returning the love, as he says it, by donating some of the money patreon users gave him to other content creators. This in my opinion is the most self defeating cause possible. On one hand sure, being generous and all that. But essentially Dobson admits here he would blow the money people give him to support HIS art on others, essentially defeating the purpose of HIS own account. He also does not clarify how much of that money he would donate, meaning there was a high chance that he would spend less than 10% of it on other creators, only creating the illusion of support while putting the actual earnings/donations into his own pocket.

2000$: A massive jump ahead. 2000$ per month would result in him getting better equipment (as in a new computer e.g.) and as such “potentially” make more comics. Mind you, only potentially.

This goal in my opinion is also the most fucked up one. Primarily for the following reasons:

Lets say Dobson would have achieved the goal and actually earned over 2000$ per month for at least a year. His annual earning would have been 24k, minus whatever he had to pay as taxes and payment for using the patreon service. And what would he do with this money? Get himself a better computer and equipment by paying a minor fraction of it once. Then he could use that computer for years to come while still having over 10k in his account, plus his monthly earnings. And he may still just produce 3-4 comics a month of a series that has as much depth to it than Peppa Pig if not less.

Sure, many patreon users have 2k+ as a stretch goal on their accounts to signify that if they could make that much monthly, they could have the necessary financial security to focus their time primarily on their content instead of a regular job. And if the content they create is actually well made, many people would support that or be okay with it.

But 2000 dollars to buy ONE computer and not account for how this money will add up over time? And that in light of such profits people may actually expect you to create more than you barely do already? That is either a case of narcissism, plain stupidity because you can't look further than 5 feet or just shows how Dobson did not understand at all the tool he had at his disposal.

Bottom line: Dobson, like many times before, fucked it up. He overestimated the potential support and resulting profits he could make, he expected that his name alone would be enough to assure gainings instead of creating content to justify support and he was unwilling to really give his supporters anything worthwhile back.

And while I am sure that there were also many other factors guaranteeing his failure, those at least to me, were his "common" mistakes most other people familiar even with the basics of internet popularity would ahve avoided.

#long post #patreon #syac #submission #very long post #andrew dobson #adobsonartworks #tom preston #adobsonart #soyouareandrewdobson #ripsinfest

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we-are-inevitable · 3 years

Note

Is spot in the small town au?

yes!!

okay so i'm just gonna list everyone and give a little rundown of their place in the au!

this is REALLY long, but please feel free to ask me about any of them !!! i love them so much!! please !! so, here it goes:

SMALL TOWN AU CHARACTER LIST:

Jack Kelly:

17 or 18, depending on when it takes place

Birthday: July 3rd

Jack is involved in the rodeo circuit. He primarily participates in barrel racing, though he also participated in steer riding- basically the junior equivalent of bull riding for 7-13 year olds.

He has two horses, Dolly (10) and Cash (6). Dolly is his pride and joy and is the horse he trains with most often. She's also his main rodeo horse. Cash is ,, just kind of there, but he's a fun time and Jack works with him as well, though Cash isn't as experienced in the rodeo circuit. He's more of a recreational horse.

Jack is also a student, entering his senior year. (All fics that have been uploaded take place in the summer between junior and senior year.)

He's bisexual (though it's a long process for him to be able to admit it, to himself and to anyone else).

He lives on a farm on the outskirts of town with his father, Daniel, a harsh and unsupportive man who rarely shows up to any of Jack’s events. The farm is fairly large and successful; they raise cattle for stock shows and have had a long partnership with the butcher in town. Jack also raises hens on his own and sells the eggs as a side hustle for some extra cash because, like, why not?

side note: his chickens are his 'ladies'

Jack has an interest in art, the history of the 'wild west', and politics. He hopes to go to university and major in either Studio Arts or Graphic Design, but he's scared that he will have to stay home on the farm.

David Jacobs:

Birthday: May 11th

David is everyone's favorite city boy. He was born and raised in Manhattan, though his family relocates to a small, rural town in the American southwest because of a job opportunity for David’s father.

Naturally, David has no clue what to think. He goes from being an out-and-proud gay teenager to being shoved back into the closet, and he doesn't come out to anyone until at least two months after they arrive in town.

He’s Jewish, and is actually a polyglot; he can speak English, Hebrew, Yiddish, Polish, French, and Spanish. All of the Jacobs kids can speak Hebrew, Yiddish, and Polish- just because it’s kind of a family thing? David’s grandparents don’t speak much English, and Esther and Mayer wanted their children to be multilingual.

David is also a student going into his senior year. He's very active in extracurriculars; he takes all AP classes, he does public speaking, he enjoys volunteer work, etc. His resumé is extensive and impressive.

He meets Jack because Les, ever the inquisitive child, saw an ad for the rodeo and basically begged to go. Since Esther and Mayer were busy, and Sarah already had work, David volunteered to take him.

This is where they meet Jack, and David falls head over heels for the boy.

Anyway, David doesn’t exactly *like* living in a small town like this, but the people he meets are more genuine than anyone he’s ever met in the city.

When he goes to university, he wants to major in English Education, with a double-minor in Creative Writing and Comparative Literature. But there’s something about this little town that makes him want to stay close and not go to a huge university across the country.

Katherine Pulitzer:

Birthday: January 30th

Katherine is a barrel racer, just like Jack. She’s actually one of the best around; she’s beat Jack more times than he can count, and has the most wins under her belt- more than anyone in their group.

She’s whip smart, too. She takes AP classes, she’s taking concurrent college courses- she’s basically the golden child.

Her horse is named Shakespeare. I will not budge on this.

She loves reading, obviously; she has, like, three bookshelves in her bedroom alone.

She actually doesn’t look like a typical Southern girl. Unless she’s barrel racing or training with Shakespeare- when she wears jeans, a button up, and boots- she wears skirts and heels and has very extravagant makeup; she doesn’t like taking herself too seriously.

She’s going to college for Journalism, and hopes to be a reporter for a big news station. Her father isn’t particularly fond of this decision, mainly because he wants her to stay in town for the rest of her life and run the town newspaper, but Katherine has bigger aspirations.

Charlie “Crutchie” Morris

Birthday: August 12

Though Crutchie isn’t directly involved with the rodeos, he’s a huge helper- mainly because he’s the one who takes care of everyone’s horses.

Not really, but kind of. His family owns the veterinary clinic in town, so he often goes with his parents on farm calls, and basically works for them. Everything he knows about animals has been learned from a lifetime of living behind the vet clinic, spending lunch hours watching surgeries, and going to different farms every weekend.

He’s best friends with Jack Kelly. They actually met because of the clinic; Crutchie would often come to the Kelly’s farm with his mother whenever they went to check on the horses or the cattle.

He does a few different sports, both through the school and through different leagues in the surrounding areas.

He's going to major in Animal Science in university, then go to vet school! He hopes to expand his family's clinic.

Antonio "Racer" Higgins

Birthday: February 14th

This boy. Thiiiiis boy. He's one hell of a fun time. He throws the best bonfires, he knows all the line dances, and he's the life of the party wherever he goes.

But he's also really fucking intelligent. Like, 32 on the ACT intelligent. He could go to any school he wants to go to, and he's going to major in Animal Science like Crutchie- but he's actually planning on participating in the collegiate rodeo circuit, and hopes to go professional after college.

He's a snarky little smart-ass, but he's one of the most genuine people. He tells it like it is, because being honest is more important than saving feelings.

But he's also a complete softie! He gives really good hugs and is one of the most affectionate people in the group.

Albert DaSilva:

Birthday: October 30th

Albert is a senior like the rest of them, and he's one of the only ones- like Crutchie- not directly involved in the rodeos.

He's always there, though! He loves the atmosphere and likes supporting his friends!!

Albert works at his Uncle's auto shop. He's really handy and loves it. He loves cars, loves working with his hands, and loves the technical side of things.

Whenever Jack needs help with his truck, an ancient Dodge Dakota, Albert is right there. He also works on trailers and stuff!

Albert is also really into welding. He's been welding with his Uncle since he was, like, 13, and he's going to go to a technical school instead of college so he can get his welding certification.

Sean "Spot" Conlon

Birthday: December 10th

Spot is involved with the rodeo! He doesn't barrel race, though; he does saddle bronc and bull riding.

He also used to do calf roping when he was younger.

He's one of the most intense guys around. He loves rodeo and loves the community; he's serious about it, and- like Race- he hopes to go professional as an adult. He's also, of course, looking to be involved on the collegiate level.

But he also knows how to have fun. He likes bonfires and likes getting together with his friends, and he has the best sense of humor; he makes the funniest, quickest jokes and no one ever expects it from him.

I've talked about this before, but Spot isn't the best at having heart to hearts. He's very business-minded, but his love language is gift giving! He's just,, not very conventional at it.

He gives random gifts like sticks and rocks, but everyone loves it anyway. He's good. He's a good guy.

And that's that !! There are a few more background characters, of course, but these are the mains. I hope you guys enjoy this !!

#small town au #jack kelly #davey jacobs #david jacobs #katherine plumber pulitzer #katherine plumber #katherine pulitzer #crutchie #crutchie morris #crutchie newsies #racetrack higgins #race newsies #racetrack newsies #albert dasilva #spot conlon #newsies #ask a jac !

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silverhandy · 3 years

Text

I saw the devil (in me) - chapter 4

Takemura doesn't believe in ghosts, not really, but a man driven to his limit might believe in just about anything. Trapped in a losing game and consumed by grief, he returns to Night City looking for closure. but ends up finding something much more.

ao3 I chapter 1 I chapter 2 I chapter 3

As he opened his eyes, the first thing Takemura noticed was that he was no longer lying on a leather chair in the center of the clinic, hooked up to an impossible amount of monitors, a painfully bright surgical lamp hovering over him, blinding him to the point where it wasn’t possible to keep his eyes open even if he wanted to. Instead, Takemura found himself lying on an actual bed, frame creaking with every little movement he made. It was pushed to the side of the garage, away from prying eyes, but still within Viktor’s line of sight. The other man must’ve moved him at some point, though Takemura wouldn't be able to pinpoint when exactly, the brief moments he could recall an unsettling blur in an otherwise blissfully void unconsciousness.

Misty’s terrified face. Viktor leaning over him, still in that suit he wore to the funeral, bloody smears staining his otherwise perfectly white shirt. The bitter taste of vomit flooding Takemura’s mouth, a pair of strong hands helping him turn to the side so he wouldn't choke. And the cold. An unyielding chill that’d shake him awake every few hours, teeth chattering despite a thick blanket he was covered with. Eventually, it was gone, only to come back in the form of searing hotness, one that made his optics go haywire, spitting glitchy warnings all over his feed before he drifted off again. And Viktor’s hand against his forehead, his skin almost ice cold in comparison with his own.

In short, Takemura felt like absolute shit. Like he’s been dragged through Night City’s trash dump and back. At least the clinic didn’t seem to him a rocking boat anymore, the soft, neon lights no longer so unpleasantly bright as they were merely a few hours before. It seemed surreal, but it’s not like Takemura didn’t know what to expect. He’s been through cyberware withdrawal in the past, the memory of the last time he ended up in Viktor’s clinic in a less than presentable state still fresh in his mind, but this felt so much worse. In the moments he was lucid enough to form such judgments, Takemura kept telling himself it was his injuries aggravating his symptoms, these two unfortunate circumstances layered on top of each other yet another instance of bad luck that seemed to follow him the moment he stepped foot in Night City for the first time not even a year ago, but he knew well enough it was bullshit. It almost felt as if his body finally found an opportunity to carry out a proper vengeance for the last few months in Takamatsu.

When Takemura first stepped off the AV, a sense of relief washed over him. Finally, he was back home. He made it, carved himself a path back under Arasaka’s wings, the only place he ever truly belonged. The circumstances were different, sure, and he was yet to swallow the disappointment that being dismissed from Saburo-dono’s side was, but everything was back as it should be. At that point, Takemura could still force himself to push the memory of V far back into his mind, convinced that it was her who made the wrong choice, though little did he know it wouldn’t be much longer.

He refused to acknowledge it, but even before V started haunting his every waking moment, even his favorite foods felt bland to taste, far removed from the richness of flavor he remembered. Then came the memories and guilt that kept him awake at night and copious amounts of coffee to remedy the lost hours of sleep by day, his meals growing smaller and smaller, reduced into a bare minimum necessary to keep him going. He was never a man to refuse a meal, the hunger that plagued his entire childhood burned into his mind, but these days he couldn’t stomach more than a few bites before he felt it lodge down his throat.

Takemura slowly sat up and almost immediately regretted it, his back protesting the movement after all the hours he spent in one position. He ignored it, running a hand through his hair to pull back the loose strands plastered to his skin. To his mild surprise, he was no longer wearing the suit he left the hotel in, but a stretched out t-shirt and sweatpants, both a bit too loose on his smaller frame. Viktor must’ve changed his clothes at some point, most likely before the blood had a chance to stiffen the material. It didn’t make Takemura feel embarrassed. If anything, he was grateful for the care, but the state he was in certainly made him feel vulnerable, much more so than he’d be willing to admit. Fighting the anxiety rising in his chest, Takemura looked to the side, fully expecting his left arm to no longer be attached to his shoulder, but there it was - heavily bandaged, but still in one piece. He tried moving his fingers and saw them twitch before a warning flash of pain could reach his senses.

The clinic was quiet, save for a quiet hum of machinery and the sound of a boxing match playing in the background, punching and grunts faded out by a speaker spitting commentary faster than a machine gun spits bullets. All of that was interrupted by a soft creak as Viktor got up from his chair and walked over to Takemura.

“Good to see you back among the living,” Viktor said, a faint smile on his lips. He was back to wearing his usual blue shirt, sleeves rolled up over his biceps, stethoscope hanging around his neck. He seemed much more at ease than the last time they met, the clinic being his natural environment much more so than the bar, though it did very little to lift the dark circles beneath his eyes. If anything, he looked even more exhausted.

“How long was I…?” Takemura’s voice came out hoarse and strained, barely audible even for him. As if reading his mind, or, more likely, simply having a decent bedside manner, Viktor handed him a glass of water.

“Here you go. As for your question, four days, give or take.”

“And did anyone..?”

“Did anyone come knockin’ lookin’ for you?” Viktor asked as he grabbed himself a chair and sat beside Takemura. ”Luckily, no. Left me wonderin’ what the hell happened. Somehow I doubt it was the Valentinos you met on a late night stroll, so let me make a wild guess - tough day at work?”

“You might call it that.”

“So what, Arasaka is sending their assassins after people for missing a day off work now?” the doctor asked, not much humor in his tone.

“It wasn’t...exactly that. I apologize, but I would rather not discuss it right now.” Takemura replied but didn’t provide further explanation. To his relief, Viktor didn’t push for it either, at least for now. Before the silence between them could grow any heavier, Takemura added: “If you are worried about troopers bursting through your door, there is no need. If they had not done that already, I believe it means that I...got my point across.”

“Should’ve seen the other guy, huh?” Viktor asked with a husky laugh.

A wet sound of a blade piercing the sternum, going right through the aorta. A seasoned Arasaka agent struggling to load a magazine, fear in his eyes as if he had seen the devil himself. A quick cut to the neck of a practically defenseless man, still recovering from the shard’s aftereffects, dead before he had a chance to see what happened to his companions. That’s all it took, it seems.

***

“Since you’re out of the woods, allow me to give you a quick rundown of how it’s lookin’ for you: a gunshot wound to the stomach was a walk in the park compared to the scrap metal that was the wiring in your left hand. I hooked you up with some suitable replacements, should be workin’ just fine if you allow the cuts to properly heal, so take it easy for a while. I took the liberty to go in and tweak your CPU a little, managed to restore some basic interface functions, but I'm afraid all the other implants are a goner.” Viktor said, fingers dancing as he typed on the screen he was holding. “No way for me to reset them, Arasaka tech is way above my pay grade. You probably know that already, which brings me to another matter we should, uh, discuss.” the other man’s expression changed, his brows furrowed in concern clearly evident on his face.

“Yes?” Takemura’s fingers froze halfway through buttoning the coat Viktor handed him. To his relief, Takemura realized it was his own coat, seemingly fresh from a half-decent laundry service, one that managed not to completely ruin the heavy grade wool. Buttoning it wasn’t easy with only one hand, but whatever was left of his pride made it impossible to ask Viktor for help.

“I just found it concernin’ that you had such a strong reaction to bein’ cut off from implants, especially since it ain’t your first time. You should have experienced some mild nausea, light oversensitivity, maybe a vicious headache, but your other injuries aside, it knocked you right out for days. I ran quite a few scans when I was treatin’ you but didn’t find much to explain it. How’ve you been feelin’ in the last few months? Eatin’ well? Sleepin’?

Was there even a point in lying?

“Not really, no.” Takemura said, unable to look the other man in the eye, fingers slipping as he rushed to fasten the rest of the buttons,

Viktor hummed and stopped typing away at the small screen he had been holding, letting his hands rest on his lap.

“Listen, uh, the past few months have been tough on all of us. I’m not good with this sort of stuff, but if you need someone to talk to, I can give you contact info to a great doc.”

“That will not be necessary, but thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Alright, but you know, if you need it, don’t hesitate to ask. With the way things turned out, I presume you’ll be staying in Night City for a while?”

“I’m afraid so. It would be unwise of me to come back to Japan right now.”

“I know it was supposed to be a short trip, so I don’t presume you came prepared for a longer stay, huh?

“I have some funds stashed away on a secure account, but it will take me some time to gain access to them. I will pay for your services, of course.”

“Nah, it’s not my fee I’m concerned about. I don’t want you to roam the streets in the dead of winter, not an eddy to your name. Suppose what I’m askin’ is if you have a place to stay?

“Not at the moment, no.”

“Then how about you stay in my place until you figure out what to do next? I’m not there all that much anyway, been spendin’ most nights at the clinic lately. Shame for the place to go unused like this and it seems you need it more than I do.”

Takemura hesitated. Viktor has already done so much for him, from saving his life to letting him run up a tab on little more than a word. He knew he'd never be able to repay such kindness, but the ripper was right. Before he jumps all the hoops to access the little cash he had stashed away on an account so deeply buried even Arasaka wasn't able to cut him off from it, more than a few days will pass. He still felt weak and even just the thought of spending the night outside was making Takemura miserable. At the same time, he didn’t want to stay in the clinic any longer, knowing that his presence had effectively stopped Viktor from taking up more than a few clients he trusted well enough.

“Thank you, Viktor,” Takemura said and bowed slightly, as deeply as the stitches would comfortably allow.

“No problem, really,” the man smiled and handed him a shard. “Just jack it in, it’ll tell you the location and grant access to the building. It’s a few blocks away, you won’t miss it.”

“See you later, I suppose?”

“Sure. Go get some rest before you go out to roam the streets and remember, your body ain’t got all the fancy tech to patch you up in no time. Folks like you often seem to forget that. Just take it easy, Takemura.”

“It’s Goro.”

“What?”

“Call me Goro. And I will, do not worry. I have...a lot of things to figure out.”

#goro takemura #goro takemura/viktor vector #victor vector #viktor vector #takemura/viktor #cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #cp77 #the devil ending #cp2077 spoilers #writing #vikemura #takevik

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champagne-bucky · 4 years

Text

Prescription For... (Just a Touch)

Summary: Steve learns the basics.

Warnings: pre-serum Steve x reader, crude language, masturbation (male and female), dirty thoughts

Notes: Soooo this is kinda late (by like a month or two) but this is kinda my thank you for 1,000 on Tumblr!!! Thank you all so so so much for your support and love towards me and my writings!! Enjoy!!

After Bucky’s interesting visit with Old Man Rogers, he had to go back for more. He honestly did not believe a word his older best friend spoke to him. Was he going senile? Maybe he was lying? Or, maybe he was telling the truth…

“Back for more?” The older gentleman chuckled at the impromptu visit from his childhood friend.

“I just gotta know, are you pulling my leg? Because if you are that was a pretty fucking good gag, Steve,” no matter how many times Steve told Bucky about her, Bucky really thought the old captain was lying to him.

“I assure you, it was all real,” Steve smirked at Bucky and Bucky was a little squeamish at that.

“So, then what else happened between you and her? Did you visit her while you returned the stone? Did you ever keep in touch with her like you did with Peggy? C’mon Steve don’t leave me hanging,” Steve chuckled at his friend.

“All in due time, Buck. Head home now, I’ve gotta take my meds and head to bed,” Bucky gave Steve a hug and pat on the back.

“I’ll be back,” Bucky called out.

“You always do,” Steve responded.

—

Later that night, Steve laid in his bed and dreamed of his woman. The woman before the shield, before the title, before his name. He dreamed of her.

*flashback*

“So, Rogers, them boys been giving you trouble for a while now, huh?” She sat across from the nervous young man while sipping on her drink.

“Just the usual stuff. This always happens to me, ya know,” he responds as he plays with the collar of his shirt.

“You don’t listen to those boys. All they are is scared little boys who got no business picking on a guy like you,” Steve scoffed at that.

“Then why do they always come after me?”

“Depends, your pal Bucky out of town or something?” It did dawn on Steve that whenever Bucky wasn’t around he did get picked on a lot more.

“I don’t like the way they spoke to you today. Sayin’ that you and your momma are,” she shuddered in disgust, “are like that. I find it charming that a man can be that close with his momma,” Steve blushed at that. All his life people would tease and taunt him for being a momma’s boy. Bucky was the same with his mother. However, when there’s a guy as big and buff as he is the guys don’t pick on you as much.

“They’re probably just jealous cause they can’t find any lady around her to screw around with. Probably touch their you know what’s to a peach and imagine a lady attached,” Steve choked on his drink. He never heard a woman speak such vulgarity.

“What?” She looked at him curiously.

“Ya know,” she started doing the motion of a closed fist going up and down.

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion. What was she doing?

“Oh, Oh my gosh! You’ve never…” she trailed off as she looked at Steve’s expression. Poor Steve started to blush out of embarrassment.

“No, no, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Didn’t you ever learn what that was,” she tried her best to not be crude, but she knew it wasn’t gonna work.

“I’m not following,” poor boy.

“Steve,” she let out a little chuckle, “I’m talking about masterbating. You’ve never heard about that before?” Steve choked back his shocked expression as she whispered the last part.

Of courses he’s heard of that word before. He remembers how his momma sat him down one day and told him that good boys don’t do dirty things like touch their privates. She scarred poor Steve at such a young age about the evils of self pleasure.

“I-I have, I just thought I w-wasn’t supposed to d-do it,” Steve was entirely red at this point.

“Oh, Stevie. My poor poor boy you’re mistaken’,” she shook her head and placed a hand over his. “There’s nothing wrong with touching yourself,” she had confidence that Steve had never seen before, not even in Bucky. “It’s a good thing, a really good thing. It’ll prepare you for later,” she winked as Steve’s eyes blew as wide as the moon.

He forgot about the offer she had made. Oh god, just knowing that made him feel ashamed of himself, he didn’t know anything about masterbating let alone sex. He’s a fraud!

“H-How do I-I do it,” he was looking everywhere except her face.

She smirked and began to tell him the rundown. Steve was baffled by how all this worked. He didn’t know how his mother would feel about this if she ever caught him. Oh god, what if she caught him, Steve thought.

“Listen, just try it, there’s no need to rush or overthink it. However in the event that you do do it,” she smirked and played with the hair at the nape of his neck, “let me know every little detail,” she winked and gave Steve a kiss on the cheek as she left the little diner they were in.

Steve had been nervous all throughout the night when he returned home. Every time his mother asked him a question he would start to get nervous. Thinking that he was starting to come down with something, she abruptly sent him to bed, alone with his thoughts.

Now flash forward to Steve in his room, laid out on his bed, stripped down to nothing but a pair of boxers and his pale little chest heaving up and down in the moonlight. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought. What should turn him on? He laid there for what felt like hours, only it was mere minutes, before his mind wandered back to her.

Did she do this too? Did she lay down in her bed every night and do dirty things to make her feel better? Did she tug her nightgown up to her hips and play down there until she felt euphoric? Would she not wear her undergarments to bed, maybe discard them so they wouldn't feel so dirty?

Oh, so this is how you start, huh? Steve felt himself get harder at the thought of her doing that. Her sweet little nightgown resting above her belly button, undergarments taken neatly off her heating body as her sweet little center starts to slick. She’s featherlight with her touches, she hisses when she applies pressure to her sweet and sensitive breasts.

Quiet moans escape past her beautiful lips as she rubs her thighs together for some relief. That’s not enough to quench the increasingly burning fire. Her one hand leaves its place, pulling and pinching the dusty pink nipple that is way past its usual sensitivity limit.

It’s wet down there, so wet. She feels a light sheen of sweat gloss over her perfect skin. Her fingers make hasty work as she plays, pulls, and rubs the sensitive little nub. Her moans start to get too loud, she has to put her other hand over her mouth to silence them. She fails quickly as she slips a finger in her center, then two. It’s mind blowing, the sweet and slick core pulsing at every rapid movement. No room for teasing tonight, she has to be quick before anyone hears her.

Three fingers, she’s never done this before. It feels so good. Her back arches off the bed ever so slightly out of pleasure. She’s going faster now, so fast she hears little noises coming from down there. It’s so hot. So hot that she can’t take the amount of pleasure anymore. She lets go and it's an amazing feeling. Her bed sheets are soaked as well as her thighs. She’s heavy breathing now as she scrambles to get up.

Her legs are shaking with every movement as she strips her sheets and wipes herself down. The air feels nice and cool against her burning skin. She needed this tonight and she’s glad it happened.

Finally, she changes her sheet and lays back in bed. All cool and rested thinking about the skinny boy who visits her father's pharmacy every day.

Steve is sitting up now, hand around his painfully aching cock. He’s pumping up and down so fast. The precum spilling out the top was enough to coat his big shaft. He’s holding back his grunts with clenched teeth.

It feels good, it’s so good that he needs to stop himself a few times so the pleasure doesn’t end early. He’s starting to make sweet sounds on his glistening member too. His other hand is making a tight grip on the edge of his mattress. He can’t hold on for long, he’s gotta do it.

He lets go. The mess ends up on his chest and dribbles down his abdomen. He’s coated in his own sheen of sweat and he is breathless.

Steve couldn't believe what had just happened. He feels a mix of shame, but not as much as he feels the missing fulfillment of pleasure. This sweet delicacy should’ve been a part of his life way earlier. Screw it, he wants to do it a second time, third time, so many times, but he knows he can’t. He needs some sleep since this activity drained him of all his energy.

He sleeps like a baby for the first time in years. He’s cooled down and feels less stressed. Steve can’t wait to do it again.

Her phone rings a numerous number of times. Her mother yells for her to come near as she says a young gentleman is asking for her. She trudges towards the phone and smirks as she hears her soon to be lover's voice telling her that the deed has been done.

“So you ready to learn more, Rogers?”

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loptrcoptr · 3 years

Text

The Basic Bitch’s Guide to Doing Laundry in Shared Spaces

I’ve had some weird times at laundromats over the years. I haven’t had to pay for laundry in a year and I had this kind of visceral, gut-clenching reaction while cleaning the filter today when I realized that, if I get my way and my life is back to normal in a year, I’ll be back to pulling pube-hairballs out of laundromat dryers soon. Too many times random male strangers have approached me and asked me to tell them how to do their laundry. Too many times I have returned to take my load out of the dryer only to find that someone else removed my stuff, still wet, before the cycle was done and put their load in instead.

So, since clearly most people’s families don’t teach them the basics of laundry etiquette, here are the general Do’s and Don’ts of laundromat/apartment complex basement/residence hall laundry behavior.

1. ALWAYS check the lint filter in the dryer before running it. (It’s usually located in the front or top of the machine, accessible after you open the door). Lint buildup is a serious fire hazard, it’s just a giant pile of fuzzy tinder waiting to go up in flames if it overheats, there’s a spark, etc. Ew, you say, I don’t want to touch other people’s hair and clothing fluff and pet fur, disgusting! Yeah, it is, which is why you should always remove your own lint after you are finished using the dryer. so:

2. ALWAYS remove your lint from the filter after you dry a load of laundry. If it skeeves you out to touch your lint, or someone else’s leftover lint, use a paper towel/dryer sheet/the eraser end of a pencil/a stick you found outside to scrape the lint out of the filter and into the trash. Ta da, now the building is less likely to catch fire with you in it, and you have saved the person after you the trouble of lint cleaning.

3. this should go without saying but: throw the lint in the trash/bin. Don’t shove it down a drain, don’t leave it on the nearest counter. Don’t be a nasty gremlin.

4. If the machine says “don’t use x” then don’t use x, man. Most machines can handle detergent in powder, liquid, or little cubey-dealy forms, but some old things can’t so just read the instructions and don’t break the damn thing, because your landlord will probably make you pay for it. If you’re at a laundromat or in a residence hall and you find out your detergent doesn’t work with your machine, check with your front desk to see if they have some extra you can use. If you’re in your apartment building and it has no front desk, ask a neighbor or anyone who is also doing laundry if they can spare a little detergent.

5. If you forgot your detergent/can’t get the right kind from somebody, run a cycle without it. There is usually enough leftover soap in communal washing machines to get your clothes decently clean in a pinch without you having to add any more of your own.

6. A little goes a long way. Basically, again, just read the instructions on your detergent and on the machine. Once, an elderly man asked me how much soap he should put in. He was using powder detergent, which I don’t use, so I told him to just use however much the box advised. He said “I’m going to use half the box” and I said “that’s gonna be way too much”, but he insisted he knew what he was doing. Folks, twenty minutes later there were so many suds in his machine that it broke down from the pressure. Just a wall of white, you couldn’t even see bubbles or clothes anymore. If you don’t want to pay for repairs, remember that less is more.

7. Don’t touch other people’s stuff. If you were in a library, and someone got up and went to use the bathroom and left their stuff on a desk, would you go and move all their shit to another desk and then claim the desk for yourself? Of course you wouldn’t. So don’t move people’s laundry. If someone’s cart is in your way or something, say, “hey, would you mind scooting this back?”

8. Maybe the most important rule: NEVER remove people’s clothes from a machine. Doesn’t matter if they’re wet or dry, wait your turn. So someone’s cycle is over but they haven’t appeared to get their stuff yet and it’s been ten minutes, and you’re in a hurry. Bummer (don’t do laundry in a hurry, give yourself a solid three hours’ buffer). Doesn’t give you the right to touch their belongings. But I even know whose stuff it is, I can put it back in their laundry basket, you say. No, dude. Don’t touch strangers underpants. Duh. Would you like it if you come back a few minutes late from running to grab a coffee around the corner and you find a pile of your soaking wet clothes sitting on a counter? no, you wouldn’t, so don’t be a shady fuck, ok?

Did your parents not teach you how to do laundry? Has your wife been doing it for years? Here’s the basic rundown:

WASH

1. take a look at the machine, see where the slot is for the kind of detergent you will be using. Check the detergent for advice on how much to use for how big a load/what kind of materials. Also fabric softener and detergent are not interchangeable, fabric softener isn’t soap. Think of detergent like shampoo and fabric softener like conditioner.

2. Wash darks/colors with darks/colors, and whites with whites. Your favorite red buffalo check flannel might bleed onto your white underwear if you wash them together. Your jeans will absolutely bleed all the fuck over white shit, sometimes even after years of washing.

3. make sure each item can, in fact, be machine washed and check what kind of cycle the garment recommends. Some clothes can only be hand washed or dry cleaned. Some clothes benefit form being washed cold, no heat. Bras and underwear, and anything else you’re worried about should be washed on a ‘delicate’ setting.

4. don’t fuck with bleach, it’s not worth it. Bleach is not to be messed with until you’re super comfortable with doing your laundry. Bleach is only for white stuff, and you can still ruin white things with bleach. If you are determined to try and bleach a white garment, please wash it by itself so you don’t hurt any other clothes and, crucially, make sure the washer your using can actually use bleach, otherwise you could break it.

5. once your load is in and you know what temperature/cycle to use, hit the corresponding button/turn the knob to the setting you know you want. The machine will generally flash a time at you (30-50 min, usually, depending on what you’re getting done). Wait until your time is up, and voila, washing done.

DRY

1. if you do not have access to a dryer or a clothesline, there are nifty clothes hangers that look kind of like a baby’s mobile that you can hang outside your window or on a balcony. Barring that, hang your clothes on coat hangers and hang them around your tub or shower, or even your sink, to drip dry. Once they are barely damp I like to lay them out on towels or hang them on door handles in a room with a fan or radiator inside.

2. make sure you use the right setting on the dryer. the dryer is a fickle little bitch and she will ruin your stuff without a moment’s hesitation. After you clean the filter (you can do it, it’s not as gross as it seems [if lint affects some manner of phobia of yours, or if sensory stimulation of that variety is difficult for you, ask someone else to do it or use one of the aforementioned long objects to scrape it out]) check the labels on your clothes to make sure they can all go in one cycle together. Colors don’t matter in the dryer, but fabric type does. High heat for items high in polyester or spandex– like leggings, sports bras, some shirts, and most jeans– is bad. Heat will shrink lots of things, so make sure your clothes don’t say “low heat”, or “ no heat”, or anything about not putting them in a dryer at all. Absolutely never put a sweater or other knit wear in the dryer, that shit will come out looking like a doll’s sweater afterwards. I have lost many items to shrinkage over the years and as such am a coward and dry my stuff on low or no heat, which usually takes twice as long, but then I’m less likely to find a hole burnt into a shirt or a pair of pants that I can’t pull up past my thighs anymore. Fragile items like blouses, mesh stuff, lacey stuff, should generally be allowed to drip dry to avoid any issues, and I know a lot of folks who put their “unmentionables” in dryer-safe bags to keep them from getting tangled up or otherwise ruined, but I am lazy and don’t have any nice lingerie so I chuck that shit in on low heat with everything else.

3. Wait until the cycle is done (beep or flash, usually) and let the barrel slow its roll to a manageable speed before opening the door, or you will get clothes flung in your face. Old machines might be a little hot on the inside, be warned, and remember to take your lint out of the filter before you leave (!!).

That’s it! Nothing to it. :) Go out into the world and do your laundry without fear and with good manners, friends.

#sorry for some reason my brain said WE"RE GONNA BTICH ABOUT LAUNDRY TODAY so here I am #laundry #/rant

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