A Countdown, Of Sorts
And the taint of wine-red and copper bleeds and stains across the foreign skin, like a mark more damning that the kisses fluttered there previously.
Here's the artwork I created for @fleet-off's absolutely amazing fic, Passing Time, for the @kinnporschebigbang. It was such a great experience. The writing in here is incredible, I swear every time I read it I can't even breathe, its so, so, so good and well written.
A really, really special thanks firstly to Fleet for working together with me during this whole period. I loved talking with you about the fic, and getting to see your writing every time genuinely took the words out of my mouth, because I just didn't know how to express myself properly about it. This has been such a fun experience, and you've bought Pete and Vegas to life so perfectly. Another big thank you to the mods of the KPTS Big Bang event for all the work you've put in the past few months, and all of the organisation that's been happening behind the scenes, none of this could have happened without all of you. And an extra thank you to @no1petesimp and @xhangkyuns for dealing with all my screaming for the past few months as I got through all the rough patches, I love you two so much, you mean the world to me <3
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quick doodle of the sillies hehe trying to figure out how to draw them
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fine, if remus lupin isn't going to fall in love with any of his blond, working class love intrest, then I WILL.
*grabs tomny armstrong and grant chapman and walks away*
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more people need to talk about how
1. Gale thinks the world is better off without him in it.
He thinks the mistake he made was so monumental that it's not even worth him being alive anymore. He thinks that if he does as Mystra asks and blows himself up to kill the elder brain, then at least his folly would amount to something. He's lived for a year in darkness and isolation and convinced himself that the only way to move forward is by somehow regaining his goddess's favour, and if he can't do that then he's not worth the air he breathes. He wants so desperately to matter, to mean something, that he's willing to throw his whole life away to garner even a fraction of the love Mystra used to bestow upon him. He's a brilliant man, an incredible wizard, kind-hearted, and trying so damn hard to do the right thing, but somehow he fails to see all those qualities and puts his worth solely on a single mistake he made that he made out of love. Out of ambition and out of desire, but ultimately out of love. And now, after spending months in self-imposed isolation, the only future he sees for this world is one where he's not in it. And,
2. That he doesn't think he's worthy of Tav. He doesn't believe that anyone can love him as he is, no matter how often Tav tries to convince him otherwise. If a literal god deemed him unworthy, then who is he to claim he isn't? He finds the ability to love again with Tav, starts the slow and excruciating journey of healing together with them, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he still believes he's not good enough. He wants to be more. He wants to be everything that Tav wants him to be. He wants to be everything Tav needs him to be. He wants to prove to them that he can be a good fighter, a good lover, a good friend. That's why he asks again and again if they wouldn't love him better if he were a god. If he was perfect - truly perfect. If he could command armies and fell kingdoms, if he could give them everything they could ever dream of. Wouldn't Tav want that? Why would they want his battered, broken, mortal self when they could have a perfected version of him? What beauty is there in failure, in making mistakes, in being flawed? Even when Tav insists that they love him for who he is, not for the power he would wield, he struggles to accept it. He trusts that they're telling the truth, but he's been a wizard of renown for so long that he doesn't quite know how to be a regular man any more. His whole notion of worth has been tied so tightly with power and control for so long that he's forgotten what it is like to be loved simply for being who he is. Not the Wizard of Waterdeep. Not Mystra's Chosen. But a man, wandering in the dark like everyone else, afraid, but so full of hope.
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