#I started this it in like 2019 and then just kinda didn't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lixxpix · 6 days

Text

we can't be friends - l.mh

genre: idol!minho x reader, lovers to exes to lovers

tw: angst, hurt, breaking up, erasing of memories (almost) , mutual pining, did i mention angst, reader is kinda depressed, like two kisses ig

status: delivered !

word count: 4.0k

author's note: aaaa omd it's finally done >< reblogs + likes are appreciated!!

lee minho. your muse, your life, your heart.

he broke your heart one stormy sunday night and you hated him as you watched him leave with tears in both of your eyes.

granted, he did break your heart for your own good, to save you from the dangers of being with him. but you didn't care, not when he was your universe, your world. you would gladly take a bullet for him.

just as he would take a bullet for you.

minho knew leaving would break you, just as much as it would break him, but he needed to do it. life as an idol was already dangerous enough with all the death threats and saesangs, but the moment 'fans' caught even the slightest whiff of you they would hunt you down and hurt you, and minho simply couldn't let that happen. he knew you wouldn't care about all the danger as long as you were with him, but he did. minho would never forgive himself if something happened to you all because he had given in to his innermost wants and kept you by his side.

so he left.

november 8th, 2019, 8.46 pm.

"i want to break up." he said, one sunday night. the rain was pouring outside, flashes of thunder and lightning ringing through the sky occasionally. in the quiet and comfort of your shared apartment, with the dim glow of lamps illuminating your features, in that moment, for a split second, minho wanted to stay. he wanted to pretend everything was alright, to have you stay by his side and be happy together, but he knew he shouldn't. the two of you were eating dinner, sitting at the small round dining table in your kitchen tucking into your homemade kimchi stew. god, he would miss your kimchi stew, he thought miserably.

"what?" your world felt like it had stopped, your hand frozen in place as you slowly tilted your head to look at your boyfriend sitting across from you.

"i... want to break up." he repeated robotically.

"minho, where is this coming from? did i do something wrong? please... just talk to me," you begged, panic starting to flood your mind as tears threatened to spill over. you couldn't believe what he had just said. the both of you had been perfectly fine before, the both of you were happy, why was he doing this? were you not good enough for him? did he fall in love with someone else? the thought alone made you weak.

"i just... it's for the best. i'm putting you in danger every day, fans will hurt you if they find out i'm with you. i can't let that happen."

"i don't care if they try to hurt me, minho. as long as i'm with you, it’s- " you reached for his hand, and could feel your heart finally sinking to the bottom as you saw his face, screwed into an expression of hurt and resignation as he shook his head.

"just... don't forget me in the future, okay?" before you could say anything, minho was already out of his seat, grabbing his coat and his phone, already reaching for the front door.

"wait! minho-" you jumped out of your seat in alarm and desperation, clinging to his arm as he looked back at you with a pained expression.

"please- we can work this out, just don't leave me," you pleaded, tears already cascading down your face. you must've looked a pathetic mess in that moment, sniffling and sobbing, yet minho still thought you were the most beautiful person to ever exist as he memorised your face for one last time.

finally, minho turned around, cupping your face in his hands. your hands reached up to hold his, as he memorised your every detail for the last time. minho's lips found their way to your forehead, then the corner of your eyes, then your lips as he kissed you tenderly for the last time as you sobbed in his arms.

"i'm sorry." he whispered, before pushing you back as you cried out and stumbled backwards, opening the door, walking out of the apartment and out of your life.

december 25th, 2019, 11.28 pm.

your diary.

i still think of you, you know. i still see your face in the windows of that cafe shop we used to go to whenever i pass by. i know you're not in there, and i'm hallucinating. i can't go in there anymore, not without thinking of you. i can't even watch the television anymore without having to see your face. listened to your new comeback. that song was about me, wasn't it?

it's christmas now. i adopted some presents for you. you would love them, the three cats. i named them soongie, doongie, and dori. quite fitting, they're playful like you. they'll never meet their father. i still wore your hoodie, the green one i always wore every christmas. you used to wear my red hoodie, but i guess you won't be here to wear it anymore. it still smells like you.

i still wonder why you left. was such a pathetic excuse as me potentially being hurt the only reason why you would leave me? you knew i didn't care if i was hurt, so long as i was with you. you still left. i hate you for that, but deep down i could never hate you. i still love you.

january 7th, 2020, 2.35 pm.

you strolled down the busy streets of seoul, a long oversized fluffy coat resting on your shoulders and your nose pink from the cold. a sigh of relief escaped your lips when you finally stepped foot into the cozy ambience of a random cafe alongside the road, the warm air blowing gently at you helping to relieve the coldness settling into your bones. ordering a latte and a small cake which were promptly delivered to your table, you settled down to scroll through the news.

new technology developed, scientists say new machinery can effectively target and erase memories of specific people and objects. is now being offered at multiple mental health clinics nationwide at a low cost, guaranteed 90% success rate. for sign-ups and further information, please contact...

you raised your eyebrows at the news, marvelling slightly at how advanced technology seemed to be developing at this rate. thinking nothing of it, you simply continued scrolling.

january 7th, 2020, 12.02 pm.

you sighed as you flopped onto your bed, tired from a day of work and countless emails sent. feeling a warm, soft head poke it's way under your arm, you smiled softly, hand reaching out to scratch doongie's head as he meowed in content. smiling softly, you felt two large lumps jump onto your bed and settle on you, soongie choosing to settle on your feet and dori choosing to burrow his way under you arm as you giggled.

"soongie, you're so heavy," you laughing light-heartedly as your oldest cat let out a 'meow' of indignation at your words.

minho would love the cats so much...

your smile drooped, feeling that warm familiar sensation pricking at your eyes again.

god, how stupid. it had been two months already and you were still hung up on him. everywhere you went, you saw his face, on advertisments at the bus stop, billboards in the shopping districts, to even advertisments on youtube, and every single time your old memories with minho would surface and you would miss him again.

memories...

oh. the news of the memory erasure experiment.

would it hurt to try? you tried imagining forgetting minho. for him to just be another face on the billboard, a random k-pop idol to you. to forget you had ever even loved him and forget that he ever loved you. the pain would be gone. your heart would no longer ache each day, you would no longer think of him and he would no longer cloud your mind.

picking up your phone, your finger hovered above the 'call' button.

"hello? this is the seoul medical psychiatry clinic speaking. how may i help you?"

"i..." you paused, gnawing at your bottom lip.

"i would like to make an appointment."

january 19th, 2020, 1.28 pm.

"welcome! do you have a booked appointment?" the receptionist greeted cheerfully as you stepped into the reception and seating area of the clinic, a large box full of items in your hands. the hallways were filled with posters and quotes, the beanbags and seats painted in warm and soothing colours.

"yes, doctor kim at 1.35pm." you answered, watching as the receptionist typed a few words into her computer.

"ah yes, under the name yoon y/n, right?" she clicked her tongue, "for... memory erasure?" she glanced at you with a look full of sympathy, as if you were some lost wounded puppy.

"yes." you confirmed, lips pursing together slightly as you stared down at the box.

"good, and you've got your box of items already. do double check to make sure they are linked to that specific person only, we wouldn't want any erasure of other memories woth different people."

you swallowed the lump in your throat.

"yeah, i have."

"great, we'll be calling for you later, the doctor will run you through the procedure and then the operation will commence. take a seat first," she gestured to the seating area. not long after, you heard your name.

"yoon y/n?"

you hurriedly stood up, making your way towards the nurse and following her into the operation room. the operation room was white and cold, lacking any warmth and colour, filled with odd looking machinery and lab coats and tools. you were sat down on a chair, and your box of items given to the nurse who began taking them out one by one while another nurse attached a few wires to your skin to a machine on the right which measured your heart rate, a steady thump-thump-thump. the first nurse began to place your items in a row, scanning each one under a machine.

beep.

minho's green hoodie.

beep.

the snow globe the both of you had bought together at a winter festival.

beep.

polariods of you and him.

beep.

a cat plushie you had gifted him in celebration of his lastest comeback before he had left.

beep.

matching mugs the two of you had bought.

minho. everything, everywhere, everyone reminded you of minho. it felt like you were drowning, consumed by him.

"alright, i'll be placing the device on your head. the device will take you through individual memories of the person, but you will have to re-experience certain bigger core memories again as those take a longer time to process. if at any point should you feel distressed or want to stop, please press the red button beside you, and should you want to restore your memories we will reload them back into your brain. however, if you choose not to restore the memories, we will automatically delete them after 30 days." the doctor explained, showing you a strange contraption with two pulse points connecting to either side of your temple.

beside you, the heart rate measured by the machine started beeping faster.

you nodded.

the cold, tingly terminals of the device connected with either side of your temples, the unfamiliar feeling odd and alienating.

then all turned black.

"min! look, they have matching mugs! we should get them," you pointed excitedly to two mugs at a stall in a summer fair you and minho had just happened to pass by. you watched as your old self pointed to the mugs happily, "the world's best boyfriend" and "the world's best girlfriend" written on each mug respectively. "that's so cheesy," minho said, a grin on his face as he pulled you close to him by your waist. well, the old minho in your memories. it felt like a punch in the gut yet the cure to your pain as you stared at his face again in your re-lived memory, his oh-so-familar grin plastered on his stupidly handsome face. "yeah, but it's cute!" you exclaimed, turning to face minho. "pleaseeee," you begged, lips downturned in a pout and your eyes shining hopefully as you tugged on his arm. "fine," minho groans, eventually giving in into your request, feigning annoyace by rolling his eyes yet still smiling at your delighted expression.

god, you missed him so much.

the memory shifted, warping into another blurry picture.

this time, it was another memory that faded in, a memory of you and him sitting in the living room unwrapping your christmas presents. minho tore open his box eagerly, laughing as he held up a green hoodie from his favorite brand gifted to him by you, coupled with some other things like perfume and a brand new wallet. "oops... might've gifted you an accidental matching hoodie by accident," he smiled sheepishly, as you opened your present, some jewelry with . "a red hoodie! now we can match," you snickered, pulling the soft hoodie over your head and slipping it on. "hey, we look like the christmas colours!" you laughed, pouncing on him and tackling him down to make him wear his one as he whined in protest. eventually you did managed to get him to put it on and pose for some pictures, albeit him being disgruntled but still giving in to you anyways.

a tear trickled down your face, landing on your lap as your hands on the chair tightened, gripping the armrests so hard your knuckles started turning white.

the memory started to fade away.

"min! the new comeback was so good, i watched the music video just now," you exclaimed, bounding up to him the moment he opened the front door to your shared apartment. "thanks baby," he smiled, leaning in for a quick peck but suddenly finding a soft plushie being thrust into his hands. it was a plush of a brown and white striped cat, soft to the touch and extremely squishable. "what's this for?" he raised eyebrow, cocking his head in confusion as he stared at you. "it's to celebrate your comeback, I figured i'd give you something to cuddle when i'm not around you," you smiled, "i named the cat mr sprinkles." "who names a plush toy mr sprinkles?" minho laughs, watching as you huff at him about how the name was cute and he was being mean. "thank you though, i appreciate it," he kissed you softly, smiling at the small act of love.

no, stop-

you started to whimper and thrash around.

fade to black again.

"min, look," minho turned to you as you were admiring the ornaments at a booth, the both of you coming across a christmas market and deciding to explore it. "it's a snow globe of us," you pointed out to a small snow globe, with a man and women as figurines in the center of the snow globe and fake snow swirling in the water around them. "it does look like us, doesn't it?" he hummed, pressing a soft kiss into your hair as you subconsciously leaned into him. "we should get it," he suggested, smiling at how your eyes lit up and how you pressed a kiss to his cheek. the two of you purchased the item, and then bought some hot chocolate to sip on to relieve the cold setting into your bones. "jagi-ah," minho called, prompting you to look up at him before gasping in surprise. the first snow of the season. "you know, they say the person you witness the first snow with will be with you for a long, long time." minho grinned, leaning down to kiss you tenderly before intertwining your hands.

you didn't want to forget him, you realized, as you gasped for air, heartbeat skyrocketing as you tried to open your mouth to scream. no, you would never want to forget minho. you would rather cling onto those memories and deal with the pain forever than never having remembered him.

the memory faded.

you gasped in surprise as you ripped open the box, holding up a brand-new, shiny polariod camera wrapped in a gift box, its paper shreds used to cushion the camera hapazardly strewn about the floor. minho watched you with a small smile on his face, eyes sparkling as he happily obliged to any pose you wanted to do with him, groaning half-heartedly but still laughing at the silly faces you made.

the memory started to fade again.

"STOP!" your finger found the red button, desperately pressing it in an attempt to get the machine to start working. all of a sudden, you were jolted back into your consciousness in the middle of the white sterile room again, heaving and gasping for air as you tried to adjust back to the surroundings.

"are you okay? do you need to stop the operation?" the nurse asked, a concerned look on her face. beside you, the machine was beeping, a erratic rhythm.

beep. beep. beep. beep.

your hand reached up to fiddle with your necklace, looking left and right. you swallowed, a lump in your throat.

"yes."

----------

you stumbled out the clinic, hands clutching onto the box of items tightly as your eyes adjusted to the bright light of the sun.

hands shaking, you pulled out your phone.

'my love,' the contact at the top of the screen read. you hadn't called him in months, ever since he had broken up with you. you has tried for a few weeks, but day after day of missed calls was heartbreaking.

you pressed the button.

one ring.

two rings.

three rings.

four rings...

"hello?"

a voice you hadn't heard for months. a voice you had only been hearing in your dreams.

"minho-" a strangled sob left your lips.

"please." you could only force out a choked plea, tears falling rapidly, stumbling onto a nearby bench. people started at you as they walked by, a woman breaking down in a random street in seoul oddly disconcerting.

"where are you? i'll come get you." the moment you heard the concern laced in his voice, your eyes brimmed with more unshed tears, stifling a sob that threatened to escape. in the background, you could hear the sound of things being knocked over, presumably minho rushing to get to you.

you told him your location in between shaky breaths, occasional hiccups interrupting your sentence.

"just wait for me, ok? don't move anywhere," minho firmly instructed, voice soft and calming.

a few minutes passed, and he was nowhere to be found.

he would hate you for this, you realized. you didn't deserve him. he tried so hard to keep you safe, and how did you repay him? by almost erasing all memories of him. the thought of it just broke your heart even more, for if he knew what you had tried to do he would never want to have anything to do with you again.

"y/n!" you heard a voice yell, whipping around only to see minho running to you at full speed. you had never been more glad to see him, your knees instantly buckling as you collapsed into his arms, crying into the crook of his neck as you clutched onto him like a lifeline.

you didn't think you would ever get used to this feeling, you thought. his touch, warmth, his gentle strokes of your hair and whispered sweet nothings were like music to your ears, his hand coming up to rest on your back and his other coming up to gently stroke your hair as he swayed you back and forth. he had clearly just ran from dance practice, you realized, slightly sweaty and panting ever so slightly.

"what's wrong, jagi?" he murmured, soft brown eyes searching your own red and teary ones.

"i- i didn't want to remember you because it was too painful, and then i tried to erase my memories of you, but i realized i didn't want to and i really, really, really fucking miss you and it hurts-" your rambling was cut off by a hiccup, lips quivering as you stared back into his eyes.

here comes the part where he realizes your a disgusting bitch and hates you forever, you thought miserably.

"shh, it's ok," minho pulled you closer, engulfing you in his warmth as his hand rose up to cup your cheek.

what?

he was supposed to hate you, not do... this. you literally tried to erase all memories of him, he should be angry and offended, so why...?

nonetheless, you would take what you could get in what you assumed to be your last moments with him, so instead you leaned into his touch, memorising his every detail again. his soft brown eyes framed with delicate lashes, sharp nose and jawline, the pink rosy tint to his cheeks as the winter wind whipped around you.

"i'm sorry," you begged, "just don't hate me."

"i never did, silly." minho laughed softly, a wistful smile gracing his lips.

"but you left me." you said, confused.

"i left you because i loved you. it was just for your own safety, i didn't care about anything else," minho explained, brows furrowing slightly.

oh.

minho stumbled backwards as you crashed into him with a force, nearly knocking him over as you crashed your lips onto his, hands threading through his soft silky hair and teeth knocking against his. it was a heated, messy kiss, teeth clashing and tears streaming down your face, yet minho didn't seem to mind as he deepened the kiss with a fervour, all seeming to pour out of him, pain and regret, relief and want. it is only when you seperate with a gasping breath of air that you finally see his swollen, reddened lips.

“i’ll figure something out, i’ll talk to the company, make a statement or something- i won’t let anyone get to you, i promise,” he rambled, a giddy smile on his face. right now, minho could care less about the repercussions, even if he had to move mountains just to be by your side and keep you safe at the same time.

you giggled, an infectious laugh bubbling out of you. the both of you, crying in the middle of a street, hands intertwined and both a mess, yet you had never been happier with the person you truly loved.

“we'll be alright now.” you whispered. it wasn’t just a statement but a promise, one to keep forever.

december 25th, 2020, 1.43 pm.

“min! come look!” you squealed in delight, eyes lighting up when you were finally done. minho glanced over, and sure enough, you were up to mischief again, the three cats dressed in ugly christmas sweaters with cartoonish designs on them and matching hats on their heads. doongie let out a ‘meow’ of indignation, protesting as minho roared with laughter to scoop him and his fellow cats up. laughter bubbling out of your lips, you quickly grabbed your phone to take a picture of minho and the three cats, his face lighting up in amusement as he watched them try to squirm out of his grasp.

“i love you, you know that?” minho says that night, the two of you cuddled up on the couch with the cats, watching your favourite seasonal christmas movies together and snacking on popcorn.

“i don’t say it enough, partly because i’m not good at expressing myself, but i love you. your smile and personality and everything. just thought you should know.” the tips of his ears are red as he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

you smile, a red tint blossoming across your cheeks as you lean in to kiss him softly.

“i love you too min.”

how did you ever get so lucky? you think, leaning in to rest your head on minho’s shoulder as you resumed watching the movie, one hand absentmindedly scratching dori’s head as he purrs in contentment. here, in the dim light of the cozy apartment with minho, love heavy in the air around you two and christmas lights twinkling merrily, you think you have everything you have ever wanted in life.

after all, it didn't really matter where you were, as long as minho was by your side.

taglist: @starseungs @missmajdastark @jazziwritesthings @layviyu @lailac13 @ana-marais98 @foxinthewild @dandelions-143 @rylea08 @linocz @minseongsworld @realrintaro @kkamismon12 @felinows @baribaaari

360 notes · View notes

mickyschumacher · 7 months

Note

NGL I LOVE UR WORK... ive been hopping thru ur m.list since the last hour.... its currently 1 am and i have an essay to finish before 8 am(im sure my prof will give me more time ik dey love me) anywasy i was wondering if u could do an enemies to lovers with Lewis((like really hated eachother)the reader could be a driver its oky don mind what she does) and then they were arguing abt sumting lewis says something thats completely out of the line and she starts crying in front him then he just kinda leaves her be, a few days later he would go on then apologize to her abt wat he said and then more fluff. (just ignore this if ur not into it or not takin a request at the moment. but im actually just hapi i kind of got the courage to ask u for a request also ur stories are soooo good i admire and envy u at the same time.)

𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐌𝐄 .ೃ࿐

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: as lewis's former teammate, there are lines that shouldn't be crossed. but a bad move from lewis puts him completely out of line.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: enemies to lovers trope!, poor humour, some fluff, in depth moment of an alternated 2021 wdc (apologies in advance), therefore ANGST, bad race jargon, horner and masi discussed :(, mention of intermittent explosive disorder, misogyny, allusion to racism (not from the reader ofc!), shitting on the fia for a bit, lewis kinda being a dick for probably an unfair reason lol, a proclamation of feelings from sir lewis himself

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: lewis hamilton x red bull!driver!fem!reader

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 3k+

𝐀/𝐍: you're too sweet to me! 🤧 i couldn't tell if you wanted this to be romantic but i went that way in the end! hope this was good! ♡︎ very very loosely based of swift's 'right where you left me'. but if you argued it wasn't, i would be inclined to agree. proof-read...ish?

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

⋆ •°. 。 .°• ⋆

No one ever truly understood your move to Red Bull. It was in 2019, far from when Max was practically living on pole, so Red Bull wasn't exactly a threat to Mercedes, your previous team. Toto had even put a three-year extension on the table several months before your contract came close to expiring.

Yet you had chosen to sign with the devil.

When the commentators, journalists, and fans took a closer look at your decision, the only thing they could all collectively agree on was that you had moved to Red Bull because of Lewis Hamilton. Because you both couldn't keep your differences aside and Lewis had finally struck your last nerve.

While you weren't quite sure about the last part, the first was true. You had Lewis had never ever exactly met eye-to-eye. Every F1 driver had a specific style of driving. You liked to call Lewis' the 'calm before the storm'. He raced with a composure and maturity that most drivers did not hold. He was particularly calculative and the everyone loved him.

You, on the other hand, had given yourself a new nickname along side 'Flash 13' because you did everything in a flash: you overtook ruthlessly and calculated, you pushed the car till it was undrivable, and you were decisive to the very nanosecond. But you had also garnered yourself the name 'IED', after the behavioural disorder.

In part this nickname was due to the misogyny you faced as the only current female driver in F1 but also due to the sheer anger that bursted out of you whenever you encountered Lewis.

The amount of warnings Toto had given the both of you was simply endless. He had even resorted to putting you two with the team therapist.

The source of your hatred for each other was as clear as day. You hated Lewis' arrogance because somehow it was even worse than Rosberg, Alonso, Räikkönen, and Verstappen. And Lewis hated you for your 'perspective'. You didn't know what he initially meant by that but you regretted asking him. He said you needed to be stronger to be in F1 and that you were far too soft-hearted. Right after you had gotten your first ever pole.

It was ridiculous, to say the least.

No F1 driver was soft-hearted. You were all, simply put, a bunch of dicks. Not literally, of course. Naturally, following that comment, Lewis had pissed you off. He hadn't even had a second to know you before even making that judgement. It was ironic as well, considering your nickname that labelled your anger.

After watching Lewis win several championship titles with you following multiple places behind and seeing you only get angrier with each other, you had decided to call it quits for Mercedes. If people were going to take your annoyance and frustrations with amusement, you were going to head to the angriest team of all and leave your former team fuming.

Two years later, in 2021, you had finally gotten the perfect opportunity.

You hadn't really a clue how exactly Red Bull had made the 2021 car so well that you were matching the speed of Mercedes' car but you didn't care. You were matching Lewis. And Christian Horner was a happy man. A sexist prick but a happy man nonetheless.

Pole was either Lewis' or yours. Either he was a Grand Prix winner or you were. It was a game of cat and mouse, always in a constant pursuit of each other. The same went from your team leaders, Toto and Christian, who practically had the race director, Masi, on speed dial.

And by Abu Dhabi, you were equally tied, locked at 369.5 points. It hadn't been easy after getting penalised for multiple incidents against Lewis, but you were here. Lewis was trying to get his eighth championship and you your first.

You weren't sure how this was going to end. Heck, no one could've predicted what happened that day. But all you knew was that you were not going down without a fight.

You secured pole in Abu Dhabi which had put the entirety of Mercedes and F1 on edge. After a discussion with your engineer and several strategists, you had opted for soft tyres to further your advantage over Lewis.

Despite all of that, it was Lewis who had led the first corner after those red lights had gone out. It was only by turn six did you even get a lead. But it was a moment too short as your former teammate regained his top position by going off into the damn run-off area of the track.

You didn't need to scream in annoyance. You couldn't hear Horner, but deep down you knew he had already called up Masi, demanding an investigation. Your engineer reported to you that the stewards had dismissed it. The gap between you and Lewis was getting bigger, the race was coming to and end, and you knew you needed a miracle towards the end of the race if you wanted to win.

And that miracle was called Nicholas Latifi. The poor guy had crashed into Mick and the safety car was out on the tracks. Thankfully, they were both okay, but the timing of it was simply impeccable.

You had pitted to get new soft tyres and Mercedes was on the fence about heading to the pit lane in fear of the race restarting. So Lewis didn't pit. Miracle 2.

You re-joined the track with five lapped cars in between you and Lewis. And soon enough, Race Control had given the dooming message: lapped cars were not allowed to overtake.

The taste in your mouth was bitter. You had cussed out Horner, asking why you were even seeing these lapped cars in front of you.

Then came Race Control again: only the five cars in between you and Lewis were allowed to overtake. Miracle 3.

But of course, F1 had a flair for the dramatics. Because you were fucking restarting. Putting you and Lewis on a tight show-down for the final lap.

The bad news? Lewis hadn't pitted yet.

The good news? You could overtake Lewis. Miracle 4.

And the headline? You won.

You fucking won.

You were F1's first female champion in history.

You made history... or, well, herstory?

Yes it was controversial. Yes it was dramatic. Yes, questionable decisions had been made.

But you won.

By the time you had gotten out of your car and finished with screaming and crying in pure happiness, you had finally caught a glimpse of Lewis.

A small part of you felt bad. You knew for a fact, that these decisions weren't 'human error' as the FIA would go on to claim the following year in Bahrain.

It was entertainment. It was business. It was money.

You had both worked so hard this year. But the fight between an F1 driver breaking the record for the most championship titles and the first possible female champion in F1 was too good to resist.

Things between you and Lewis after Abu Dhabi hadn't gotten worse. You just talked far less than you normally did. You barely argued with each other anymore. It was disconcerting to say the least. Especially now that you were struggling to match Max's pace, always coming second or third as per the instructions of your engineer. For a moment you thought, what was the point of winning if you weren't going to win again?

━━━━━━━━━━━

You were still determined. Beating your own teammate would be hard. But you weren't a stranger to the idea. You had spent years trying to beat Lewis while purposely being the support for him to win. They were two actions they didn't go together but it had happened.

That being said, the venture was proving to be more difficult than you anticipated. In fact, it had caused a full collision with Lewis in the first lap of the Qatar Grand Prix.

You were so focused on beating Max you hadn't taken a second to look around you.

"What the fuck was that?" Lewis' voice invaded the air as he barged into your driver's room, ridden with sweat and still in his racing gear.

"Look, I'm sorry okay. I didn't see you. It was my fault. End of story," You told him curtly, not really wanting talk to Lewis any further.

"Damn right, you didn't see me. You could've taken me or anyone out! Are you so fucking stuck up your ass that you couldn't see me?" Lewis asked incredulously.

You scoffed at his accusation. It was true. But you didn't like when the truth fell from his lips... especially not when they sounded like that.

"Lewis, drop it. No one got hurt. Let's just move on okay?" You queried, annoyance dripping from your voice.

"Why? Can't handle the truth, L/N?" He laughed gently, almost mocking you. "Right... you were always like that."

You snapped your head towards him, raising a sharp brow. "Excuse me?" You spat as if to say he was becoming dangerously close to crossing a line he did not want to cross.

Lewis folded his arms, shrugging nonchalantly. "What? You don't like the truth. It's simple. I told you that you need to be stronger because you're too soft-hearted. And you hated that. And now that I'm telling you that you're selfish, you obviously can't handle it."

"Oh my God, you are one to talk. Lewis, you are so blinded by your arrogance that you can't see anyone else win. That's why you can't accept that I won right?"

"Not Abu Dhabi, aga–"

"Yes, Lewis, Abu Dhabi again. You are so fucking sour about losing that even when the hate targeted me, you let it. You let them say that my win was due to race and gender. Me, Lewis, out of all people, me."

No matter your differences, you had stuck up for Lewis on many accounts when it came to the FIA, 'fans', and haters. But he wasn't there for you.

You could see dark expression fall onto Lewis' face. "That's not true, Y/N."

"Then what was it Lewis?" You flailed your hands in exasperation. "Because you sure as hell didn't come to my aid."

"Because you didn't deserve it!"

You blinked blankly, arms falling to your side. Your mind took a minute to process the words that had fallen from his lips in mere seconds.

Lewis' face dropped as realisation struck him. What the fuck did he just say? "Y/N, I–"

"Get out," You grumbled.

Lewis did a double-take on the fresh line of tears accumulating on your waterline. He took a step closer to you, hands reaching out. "No, no, no, Y/N, I–" But your words made him stop.

"Lewis, get the fuck out of here before I start screaming like the bitch everyone thinks I am."

You watched Lewis return his hands to the side, clenching his jaw tightly as he made way to the door of your room. He stopped briefly, hesitating to open the door, taking one last glance at you before leaving.

━━━━━━━━━━━

Four days.

You had pondered in deep thought for four days. And after 72 hours, one thing had become obvious to you.

Lewis wasn't with you or any of the other drivers. He was still in 2021, right where you had left him. Not a second had gone by for Lewis where he hadn't thought about Abu Dhabi.

What if he had just pushed for Bono and Toto to get him in that pit lane?

What if he had veered the car a little to the side and you didn't overtake him?

Lewis was still reliving the worst moment of his career and his life and everyone had moved on. Sure, every fan and commentator talked about it time to time. But it was something of the past.

To say you didn't deserve your championship title... you had heard it from several 'fans' and insignificant others. But to hear it from Lewis? It fucking killed you.

You cared about his opinion more than anyone in the world. And he knew that.

You would've never said anything as shitty as that to him or anyone for that matter.

You had worked your ass off to get to F1. Fuck, you had won F2 two fucking times because no one was willing to let a girl on their team... into a man's sport. Every driver worked hard to a certain degree. But you were a girl who didn't grow up with the means of driving yourself to your death every day. If everyone worked hard, you had worked ten times harder.

Everyone knew that you and Lewis had fought. And by the looks of it, they also knew it was far worse than your normal fights. You wouldn't look at him, you refused to speak to him, you spent minimal time in the same room, you had even paid your media fines in full to avoid everyone...

Max had even become some sort of bodyguard, telling Lewis to turn back around when he neared the Red Bull garage.

All of this protection, and yet, he had still found you in your favourite place. The one you both came to when you needed to become level-headed. The top stand of any empty Grand Prix, in this case the México Grand Prix, where the air felt a little bit cooler against your heated skin and you could think for even it was for just a second.

You sucked in a sharp breath, seeing Lewis in your periphery while you were firmly seated. He looked nervous, chewing on his bottom lip and taking cautious glances at you.

"Hey," Lewis greeted, making you raise a brow at his lame entrance.

You forced yourself to look at the rest of the empty seats in front of you. "Hey," You mumbled back, trying to swallow the bitter taste in your mouth.

An unsettling silence enveloped the both of you. You were sure Lewis was here to apologise. But you could also tell he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Not in a selfish way. But in the most guiltiest way possible.

You sighed. "How are you?" You asked gently, peeking out of the corner of your eye.

Lewis winced at your question. Leave it up to you to still be this kind after what he had said to you. "Sorry. I'm so so sorry," He rasped, voice raw with the pain that had been gnawing away at him ever since those god forbidden words had left his mouth.

You nodded slowly, taking another deep breath. "I know you're going to call me soft-hearted but what you said really fucking hurt, Lew," You jested with a brief smile.

Lewis grimaced at your poor humour, before his ears perked up at the old nickname you had given him when you first started getting on each other's nerves. "I know. I'm an idiot for saying something like that. Or that you're soft-hearted. You've worked so hard for all of this. You absolutely deserve everything and that win was only the first of many, I'm a hundred percent sure of it. Your Dutch shortie doesn't really know what's coming."

You gave him a tight-lipped smile after huffing in amusement at his diss towards Max. "Thank you," you told him earnestly. "Although, I am quite positive he is like almost ten centimetres taller than you. But, thanks anyways."

Lewis rolled his eyes. "Have you seen me? You don't think I give off tall energy?"

"You mean tall in insults?" You joked, grinning at the blank look on Lewis' face.

Lewis sighed. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean any of it. And by 'it', I mean all of the insults and fights. I was just disappointed in myself. Even more so that I didn't stand up for you. I'm so sorry."

You drew your eyebrows together, turning your body to face him. Confusion filled you. "Then why did you say it at all?"

"I–" Lewis blew out a small laugh. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Lewis, can you not see me dying here? Like a whole kitchen set of knives in my back?" You deadpanned.

Lewis rolled his eyes again. So dramatic.

He brought his hands together, staring at you briefly before looking at the empty stand. "Well, obviously, I heard of you before you joined Mercedes. I thought it was ridiculous that you had to get two F2 championships to get a seat, but anyways, I digress. Toto told me, he was considering you even though you had never been in the junior team.

And I remember just being so fucking jealous of you. Toto was consumed by you. He and Horner had been fighting for your seat for so long and now that they finally had an open seat, it was chaos. Toto won, obviously. And then we met each other in person for the first time and I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world."

You felt your heart begin to race and your skin heat at the sudden proclamation. "You... you what?"

Lewis smoothly glossed over the compliment. "And then we had our first quali together and you beat me. You got pole on your first race. So you were talented and beautiful. A crime, might I add.

And so when you came to tell me, you were so excited with all your talent and beauty, I was pissed. Because out of all things in the world, I had gotten an amazing competitor I was bound to feel for. I thought that by saying you were soft-hearted and all, it would get on your bad side and it would make me less attracted to you. It didn't. It got worse while it got easier to pretend to hate you."

You blinked blankly at him, cheeks aflame. Lewis Hamilton liked you. Your stupid teammate? The same one who's eighth championship you arguably took? "I'm sorry... hold up, we've been fighting for years because I'm a hot, talented, gifted, smart driver and you're a simp?"

Lewis squinted his brown eyes at you. "I did not include all those adjectives."

"I mean... that's basically what you said," You shrugged, flickering your eyes to the setting sun.

Where did all the damn cool air go? You wondered, pressing your hands to your flushed cheeks and feeling your soft palm absorb the molten lava known as your skin.

Lewis chuckled, picking up your flustered reaction quickly. He watched as you suddenly stood up. "Okay, well I'm... I'm going to meet Hugh and find a way to beat Max. See ya!"

Lewis paused, grabbing your wrist. "Wait? What? You aren't going comment about what I just said?"

You eyed his hold on your wrist: it was searing you. You turned to him, lowering your head to meet his gaze. You briefly looked down at his lips before looking back up. "I think I prefer hating you."

Lewis felt you press your lips on his cheek before walking past him. He watched your retreating figure, your kiss feeling heavy on his face, putting him right where you had left him: absolutely and utterly smitten.

#mickyschumacher #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #formula 1 #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton fanfic

558 notes · View notes

koshifairy · 1 year

Text

𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡

kuroo, atsumu, bokuto and tsukishima having online classes with u, aka crush of them :)

imagine the we are in 2019 - 2020

𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔

lmaooo atsumu is gonna pin ur screen and pays attention to only u

ok... discreetly trying to flirt with you...

making the face 😏 just to look hot and u fall for him... 💀

and y/n answer me is this working? 🤨

he be like ☺ seeing u

and if u smile or laugh

he is like 😁😆 !!

osamu is sending messages about this

“so simp look at ur face” *sends screenshot of atsumu*

“how can i not be? look y/n's smile!”

but after atsumu is like 😳 bc the teacher asked him something about whatever they were studying and he didn't know.

when you start talking he puts his volume at 100%. he doesn't care !

and if someone starts talking over you.. oh gosh

osamu is already waiting to see atsumu make a bad face

and trying to get back to the subject you were talking about

“sorry but y/n was talking 😑 u can continue now y/n!! 🥰”

atsumu is going to be so so so upset if dont open your camera. he likes to appreciate u :(

so open this camera y/n !

and if u aren't in the class atsumu is just going to sleep while is having class

camera off

mic off

𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀

he is happy about online classes

now he can watch you without anyone noticing and find it weird

because c'mon if he does that everybody would notice it and thinks he has a crush on you

yamaguchi already knows tho

but he pays attention to the class !!

but he is also unable to hold himself and ends up looking at your camera 🥺

HE IS TRYING SO MUCH TO NOT SMILE OKAY

is because tsukishima thinks u r so cute

but sometimes he can't handle so is he like 🙂

he kinda gets sad when he’s not in your group

if he had the courage he would ask to change to the teacher and stay with you !!

he is observant, he perceives when you cut your hair even when it was a little <3

he gets so soft when he sees it on the camera that you smiled because the dumb guy of the class told a joke 🥺

ayo tsukishima is finally seeing your beautiful smile !!! 🙏

he is mentally thanking this guy 🙄

also he wants you to always have the mic on, he wants to hear your laugh when this happens

he is missing your laugh y/n 😿

also, if he sees that you are stressed because of online classes, he will definitely ask for your number and try to help you

because besides wanting to help you he wants to talk to you :( <3

𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐎

nervous

“kenma am i pretty? i need to know if i am rn i cannot be ugly y/n is in the class !!”

no but really, kuroo wants to be really handsome for u

is he late for class? yes, but class can wait, he's not showing up with messy hair ✌

lol sometimes he uses really pretty clothes

just for u. 😼

kuroo is like 😳🥺 seeing u with the face of someone who just woke up

bc u look SO CUTE

if u don't appear in the class kuroo is gonna be v v v worried and he is gonna ask the teacher if he knows where are u

he hates when u aren't there

nothing to appreciate

but he pay attention to the class

he heard about that u like smart guys so 😏

kuroo realLY wants to ask for ur number but he is so shy

already asked to yaku if he can have your number or even some social media

but yaku is not doing this. unfortunately 😢

so he is like waiting ( like this 🤞 ) the teacher says that you and he are together to do a homework together

and he will finally have ur number 😼

𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎

definitely fix ur screen too/2

he is never late for class

bc he is so excited to see u

if u miss class. bokuto emo modo on.

everyone can see him through the screen him like that 🥺☹️

ok this is gonna be a little but scary but -

he IS taking screenshots of you and sending to akaashi after or while the class

“look akaashi 😿💔 so pretty today 😫”

and yk, bokuto is not ashamed to show that he is proud of you when the teacher ask something and u know the answer !!!

“y/nnnn !!! so smart wow 😲🤩”

and if the teacher complain u

he is going to agree with him.

if you have a high grade bo will congratulate you

“ congratulations y/n !!! i knew that you could do that<3 ”

lol even if you say you are not going to turn on the camera because u look messy.

“y/nnn u are not ugly !!!”

also he just open his mic to say something really dumb or tell a joke just to see your smile or listen to your laugh :)

yep we can see that bokuto is a simp for u.

#haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #hq headcanons #hq x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #atsumu x reader #atsumu x you #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x reader #bokuto x you #bokuto x reader #kuroo hcs #atsumu hcs #bokuto hcs #tsukishima hcs #haikyuu headcanons

2K notes · View notes

tomsvouge · 4 months

Text

Call it what you want

Summary- You and Joe attend his Heisman ceremony. What you don’t know is that Joe has something up his sleeve for after the ceremony. Warnings: Fluff, References of sex

Being friends with Joe was a reward in itself, but seeing him achieve a goal of a lifetime is worth more than any award there is.

Getting ready in the hotel room in New York City was not on your bucket list for 2019 but hey I was not complaining. Joe was up for the heisman trophy and you could not be more proud of him. Knowing what he has endured up to this moment would make anyone have nothing but respect for him.

Joe and I have been friends since middle school. All I remember is a shy kid hesitant to find a seat somewhere. Calling him over to sit next to me was the best decision I have ever made. Although what I didn't know was I was going to be falling for him as the years went on. each day that went by I always noticed something new about him, like the way he gets all giggly when talking about things he loves, or when he gets tuned vision when he is really really focused on something.

Having these feelings for Joe meant that every little thing made me jealous. Like when girls fond over him or when girls literally come up to him and flirt with him. Before my thoughts took over me I got pulled out by Joe calling my name.

"Y/n!"-Joe

"yea what's up"- you say sitting down the makeup brush.

"Which tie should I pick?"- Joe says holding up two purple ties that look almost identical

"Go with the one without the gold it kinda washes you out"- You say taking the tie from him to put it on him while he laughs at your remark.

"Can't even catch a break on my day huh?"- Joe says shaking his head laughing.

"Hey just because your winning an award doesn't change the fact that your still easy to make fun of."- You say while fixing him up so he looks put together.

"There you go. Nice and proper."- you walking back to finish your makeup

"Thanks and I haven't won anything yet, I'm just a nominee."-Joe says following you and sitting down on the bed next to the vanity watching you apply the finishing touches.

"Oh c'mon, Joe we all know you have this award in the bag. You have had heck of a season and most of all you deserve it more than anyone."- you say turning to him and grabbing his hands.

"Everyone believes in you Joe not just your family. You pretty much have the whole state of Louisiana supporting you tonight as you are their adopted son apparently."-you say as Joe looks up and laughs at the adoption joke.

"Thank you y/n. You always know how to bring my confidence back up."- Joe says looking at you with a little glimmer in his eyes.

"Oh! also can you help me zip up my dress?"-you ask standing up and turning around so my back faces him.

"Yea sure."-Joe says slowly zipping the dress up.

"There. And thank you for always being there, it means a lot."-Joe says while you turn around to look at him.

When turning around you had no idea how close you actually were to Joe, so close that your chest was literal centimeters away from his.

Looking into Joe's eyes gave you a wash of euphoria. Something hat only his can do, and he felt the same way about yours. Every stolen glance he takes at you when you aren't looking and every little gesture he does to show that he cares.

As you guys stared into each others eyes, it was cut short by Robin and Jimmy clearing their throats.

"Time to go guys!"- Robin says as she looks at us smirking.

"Yea okay."- we both say at the same time while they leave the room.

"Wait! Joe before we go gets take a picture."-You say opening the camera app and taking the picture,

"okay lets go y/n, this could turn into a whole photoshoot with you."-joe says laughing and guiding me to the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking into the ceremony felt unreal. Before it started we talked to a couple of joes coaches and other nominees.

A few minutes into small taking we were told the ceremony would be broadcasting in a ew minutes and we had to take our seats. before I went to my seat I decided to give Joe some more words of encouragement.

"Hey Joe just remember what I told you in the hotel room, you have all the support in the world right now, win or lose we're so so proud of you."-you say as he was staring u at you with admiration in his eyes.

"Thank you y/n."- He says with a tight lipped smile.

I could tell he was nervous. Joe only smiled like that when he was nervous or when he wanted out of a situation and didn't want to make it awkward.

As I'm walking back to my seat I couldn't help but over hear one of the nominees say that Joe had a good one. Before I could hear joes response people were starting to scramble to their seats for it to start.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He did it. He won the Heisman for LSU.

As walks up to his family section he hugs each of us. When he gets to me he says something unexpected.

"I love you.."- Joe says as he hugs you and moves on to his dad.

He just told me he loves me. We have said this to each other before but something about this time felt different.

As Joe walks up to give his speech all I could do is tear up. This boy has been through so much and has been knocked down so many times and the is finally proving all those people wrong who ever doubted him in his life.

But one thing that I did not expect to see was Joe cry. I have only seen Joe cry a few times, so little that I could count on one hand. This had really meant a lot to him and you couldn't be any prouder of him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the ceremony and the walk in Times Square, Joe and I decided to head back to our room to celebrate the win by watching movies and drinking some champagne.

The second the door closed I tackled Joe in a hug to the point where he fell back on the bed. Laughing he quickly turned us over on the be. As quickly as he turned us over he jumped off of me.

"Sorry I don't know what I was thinking doing that"- Joe said as he starts to take off his shoes.

"Its fine, You did nothing wrong."- you said

"Im gonna go take a shower right quick, okay?"- you said walking over to the bathroom.

"Okay I'm going to my parents room to do the same."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting in the bed with Joe you had laughs and mini tickle fights. But as the night went on you had not idea what was about to happen.

"Okay so now that this movie is over I would like to show you a very important video."-joe says grabbing his computer.

"It's not a sex tape is it?"- you say with semi seriousness.

"No no not even close!"-Joe says laughing at you.

"Oh okay."- you say getting comfortable to see what his is about to show you.

"okay, watch"- Joe says starting the video.

The video consisted of memories of me and Joe from when we first met to literally a few hours ago.

"Joe that was so sweet, but why?"-you say looking at him.

"Y/n, you have been in my life since I can remember. Not a single bad memory with you, if anything you make the bad memories seen not so bad. You have been there for me through the really highs but you have also been there for me when I've hit rock bottom. You make me a better person and I'm grateful to have you as a best friend. And I know this might sound weird but I really don't want to be friends with you anymore. I want to be more than friends. So, with that Will you be my girlfriend?"- Joe says as you have tears in your eyes.

Joe... You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say that sentence to me."-I say hugging him like my like depended on it.

"So I'll take that as a yes?"- Joe says

"Yes Joe i'll be your girlfriend."- I say leaning in to kiss his lips.

Right as our lips are about to touch Joe pulls away leaving me confused.

"What's wrong?"- You ask looking at him.

"Nothing, but before I forget I have to give you something."- Joe says reaching into the nightstand.

"Here."- he hands me the box

"Joe you didn't have to get me anything."

"Just open the box baby"

I open the box and see a pendant necklace with a "J" on it.

"joey... Its beautiful."

"Just like you. I wanted you to have it even when we are not physically with each other. Look inside."

I look inside and see a photo of me and Joe on the day we met and and an empty side. "What's this side for?"- I say referring to the empty side.

"It's for you to fill, I want you to fill it with your favorite memory of us. I doesn't have to be right now. You don't even have to tell me. just do it when you're ready."- Joe says as I nod.

"Can you put it on me?"-You say turning round.

"Ofc."- He says putting the necklace on me.

"oh and Joe?"

"Yea?"

"I love you too."- I say smiling.

Little did Joe know you filled that empty spot years later with the photo of you him and your baby boy the day you gave birth.

The first pic of the new year!!! Also the start of the Taylor imagines. If you have any recommendations let me know. <3

#Spotify #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow fic #joe burrow oneshot #joe burrow #tomsvouge

247 notes · View notes

sparklecarehospital · 4 months

Text

been reflecting on my year a bit, and i was thinking about something. i think i know what the best thing i did for myself this year was.

making cometcare public. making the ask blog.

ive had this AU stirring in my brain since 2019, ever since i got really attached to doomi during the haunted arc. one reason i went so long without revealing pollarrydoomi as a ship to readers was because doom's crush wasn't public information until late 2021.

i had kept his crush a mystery for 3 years, but revealed it after a fun experience where people figured out who it was through guessing. i'm pretty sure i did a poll about it? asking people to guess who they thought it was, and uni won the vote, meaning everyone had already figured it out.

after pollarrydoomi was revealed and i started drawing art for it and people made fanart for it, i still couldn't post any of my AU art because ally wasn't public and she and howie were in the AU. in july 2022, for the comic's birthday, i revealed ally as a character to the readers. others around the time had started to notice characters i had in pfps and i ended up telling everyone i did have pollarrydoomi ship kids, but i didn't make them public.

in november 2022, i revealed eve on toyhouse. after her reveal, i would soon reveal sly as well in december 2022 on my birthday (revealing sly as a birthday present to myself is such a funny gesture now that you guys know how important he is to me). over the next few weeks i revealed cream, frosty, and marco as well. all of the main cometkids except chem.

then one day someone out there suggested that i make an ask blog for the cometcare AU. it was such a spontaneous decision, and i didn't even really know what i was gonna do with it at first. i was just kinda messing around. but when i made the blog i realized that if i wanted this AU to be experienced in complete authenticity, i couldn't make uni cis.

so i revealed uni being trans through the blog, despite the fact i'd gone so many years without ever revealing her identity. why did i do it? there's a lot of reasons. not wanting to make her a "dad" in the AU contributed, but also i felt like it wouldn't be detrimental to the story to confirm a character being trans. it also made me (and the crew in general) a lot more comfortable being able to properly refer to uni with her actual pronouns.

making the ask blog really changed me, because finally i could share this little family and comfort story i'd built in my brain with the world and make it real and make content for it and let people consume it.

but what stopped me most of all?

i've said it many times before... but i felt like it was cringey.

i felt like making an AU with 93985893844 fankids in a ridiculous complicated polycule wasn't something a Serious content creator should do, and i was really worried the reception would be negative or people would think it was stupid or something. i did NOT expect it to become as popular as it is. the blog actually has more followers than the MAIN ASK BLOG for the canon comic. it was received SO POSITIVELY and the fact it was just kind of blows me away.

it means so much to me. being able to share the most special thing in my life with people and for people to actually like it and have fun with me and want to see it, and for me to be able to not have to follow strict professionalism about spoilers and chronological storytelling, and being able to change and add in things whenever i felt like it. it's such a freeing experience.

when i was a kid, i used to make stories and OCs and i didn't take them as seriously as i do the sparklecare reboot. this kind of turned into my entire life and career kinda, so i had to take it more seriously. but making this AU honestly just makes me feel like i'm a kid again, it makes me feel like i can have fun and literally do whatever the fuck i want without worrying what people think or if it's realistic or if it makes any sense.

i know though, that some people don't like pollarrydoomi. and i know why. whether it's because of being attached to barruni (of course, they're the canon ship and main characters, i get it) or just having discomfort with the idea of shipping doom with anyone when canonically he hasn't experienced a redemption arc... i get it. i know not everyone likes it.

and that's okay! people are entitled to having their own feelings about content. i understand it. and i've come to accept that's always going to be the case with anything i do with these characters.

but i'm still going to do this for myself. i do this because it makes me happy to just have fun and not worry about being serious all the time. it feels good, especially when it's with characters that are really really important to me.

cometcare is genuinely the most special and important thing i've ever made for myself, it's such a huge piece of my identity and it makes me who i am. and being able to make this story public and share it with people and share these things that have been in my brain for so long with others means so much to me.

that's why i think it was the best thing i've done this year. it's kind of literally changed my life to be able to talk about them. it's made me happier than i've ever been making content. i'm not just making it to entertain myself alone anymore, i'm making it to entertain others like i do with other stuff. and the fact people actually like it still is unbelievable to me.

so, i guess my outlook for next year as it comes is to continue to stop taking everything so seriously. i can tell my stories however i want to. i hope others can realize they can do this too.

please make whatever you want, whenever you what, as much as you want, even if it doesn't make sense or if it's "cringe". you will be so much happier when you realize as a creator you DON'T have to take all of this so seriously. the comic still exists and people read it even if i'm doing this. You Can Do Whatever You Want And Nobody Can Ever Stop You. the only person who can stop you is yourself when you let your inhibitions get in the way of your ability to create things for yourself.

have fun! life is too short to take everything you do seriously

#text #cometcare au #pollarrydoomi #long post

187 notes · View notes

heavens-aesthetic-kitchen · 11 days

Text

Why the TF2 Defense Trio deserve more recognition

The people have spoken, I have decided to create an essay disguised as a post on this godforsaken website because it's a free country goddammit! (I would have done it either way lmaooo, I have a lot of shit to say about these maniacs) To start this formal essay glorified very serious shitpost, why should you as a tf2 fan care about these 3 men? They're so "boring" and there's not much going on with them. If ya took a second, let's pause with what was being said. YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND to think such thoughts, we must shake you out of cuckoo land by giving you an in-depth look into these three so that you understand where I'm coming from. Let's start in order:

Demoman:

After being in the fandom since 2019, there's always one character I always thought wasn't given much anything in the fandom at all. Even taking ships out of the equation, there's barely any fics I've that focus on Tavish Finneagan Degroot specifically that I've seen that isn't a compilation fic (I read a lot of x readers, don't judge me). Believe me, I checked ao3. I went through Demoman's tags and I tried very hard to filter a lot of the crossover and relationship tags, yet there's less of Demoman himself, than there's him just existing as a side character of a story. Which is honestly sad, I honestly think Demo is one of the more kinder mercs compared to a lot of the team. This man made friends with the BLU soldier, despite knowing that they were supposed to be killing each other. Sure, it's unclear whether or not Demo did actually go through with it and it's just a ruse, because the voicelines in WAR! don't have a set timeline. But I do think that Demo would have tried to keep his friendship with BLU soldier. He's very chill. I've never actually seen him get violent against his friends and family, despite being a drunkard. I honestly think he's one of the sweetest people in TF2, he takes good care of his mom and haunted sword lmaoooo. Jokes aside, he seems like a genuinely good man and I barely see anything that suggests he's sadistic. He's a chaotic and loud, but not bad. Not bad at all. The fact he can still do his job well, even after drinking so much that his body created a whole distillery, is even more impressive. He is damn good at what he does and works very hard. He's had multiple jobs, even as wee little lad. Despite what people think of him, the fact he's getting paid 5 million dollars a year, is proof he knows what he's doing. He loves his job and couldn't bear the thought of not working. I feel like his backstory isn't talked about enough in the fandom either. When you think about it, it's kinda fucked up that he was put in an orphanage by his biological parents until he was in the right age to be blowing people up. Not only that, his eye socket was haunted by the Bombinomicon so that every halloween a giant eye would manifest, attacking him and his friends. Even Medic couldn't help him and instead resorting to scooping the part of Demo's brain where he remembered so he would stop asking. He most likely has a lot of stories for you, I see him as the type that has a lot to say. His past is the most fleshed out and complete out of all the mercs, which I really appreciate, you can do a lot more with him. Also another thing, during Unhappy Returns, he took the time to reassure Soldier that he wouldn't think he's a civilian. He didn't brush Soldier's worries aside and instead comforted him. I wish I had a lot more to say about Demo because I am baffled that he isn't being gushed about as a potential partner. He has the excitement and like zero baggage. A thing I also wanna point out is that he seems to be insecure of the fact he's a black scottish man with only one eye during Meet The Demoman. I may be reading into things a bit too much, but it makes me wanna be like "NOOOO don't talk about yourself like that, bro. You're so cute UGHHH" Also also he's handsome. Sure looks can be subjective, but I still think Demo has a face I would kiss hehe. He looks great with his beard and his cheeky ass smile. GOD I could gush about him all day, but I have to move on rip.

Heavy:

Honestly, I'm having a hard time just finding the words to describe this amazing man without giving him the respect he deserves. But I'll sure try. Heavy has had a difficult life and I've always admired how strong he was. Not just of his muscles, but he endured one of the toughest situations and still kept moving forward with his life even though it was traumatizing. You see why I'm even having a hard time talking about him? I can't really get down into the weeds, without getting serious for a min. I feel like the fandom doesn't give him much credit for being able to deal with so much. He's the rock for his family after his father disappeared (atp I think he's dead, which is the cherry on top this depressing sundae) and I wouldn't doubt that he would be the same for his team. He's a man of few words, but that makes him all the more intriguing. Just because this man has a lot of brawn does not mean he's dumb at all. Despite how he acts in the battlefield, Heavy is observant and clever. Although, it's implied that Spy being Scout's dad is an open secret between the mercs and Miss Pauling, the fact he figured it out without saying it directly must mean he has a lot more going on. He's also educated, getting a phD in Russian Literature. It's not a STEM program, but he actually got a doctorate and went to college, that's a lot more than half of what the mercs did lmaooo. Also he has a bit of a softie side, not just for his mom and sisters, but also other creatures as well. I respect him so much for avoiding violence against those dogs during the Showdown comic. Not only shows what an absolute sweetheart he is, but also how much he's able to think quickly on his feet. Heavy is very direct and blunt, I don't see him as the type to lie about his feelings. I appreciate that he doesn't feel the need to sugarcoat anything, he'll get the job done and he ain't playing. There's no fluff, he knows what he wants and that's to rev up Sasha and ram through sons of bitches without any worries.

I feel like I wanna point out, his story seems the most unexplored in the fandom, even though it has a lot of potential for ANGST factor. I already broke down how sad it is, but I just feel like it isn't said enough. Can I just say how cuddly he looks?! GAH, I feel like he would give the warmest hugs! The way he smiled in Unhappy Returns when he finds out his family doesn't need to live in fear anymore, just melts my heart! He's so protective over his family and friends! I wish I had a lot more to say about this guy because I just can't stop finding more things about him that go unappreciated. I had to literally edit this part so many times before moving on, he just has those little details you don't notice until you take a second and have that OH MY GOD moment

Engineer:

I was getting so hyped, when it was finally our resident southern nerd's time to shine. GOD I have so much to say about this man. It's been over 5 fucking years and I have never stopped simping for this man since 2019, I think I'm gonna go insane from how much I've been repressing, I go feral when he's around. Anyways enough stalling. I don't ever think a fictional character has ever made me swoon quite like Engineer, I really mean that. I have ask and pleaded to whatever god was listening to give me a man like Engie. To me, he is everything I ever wanted and more.

First, I wanna talk about what makes him attractive to me. His accent. His southern charm, UGH he's killing me with that smooth voice and chivalry! I swear this man could make me faint just from existing. The way he smiles is so warm, his insults are so corny I love them. That five o clock shadow GAHH! I'm getting butterflies all over again. I swear I love all three of the defense bois, but Dell Conagher has my heart wrapped around his gunslinger metal finger. All those personal reasons aside, I've always thought Dell Conagher was a very interesting character in the world of TF2. He might not have much screen time or goofy shenanigans like the other mercs, but that doesn't mean you can ignore him oh no no no. This man is important within the whole story of Mann Co and TF industries, his grandfather being the catalyst of the game's events and the comics going forward. The Conaghers are the SOLE REASON why Team Fortress 2's story exists. I find it strange that the fandom hasn't done much with this fact because you can do a lot with this idea. Engineer knows a lot of shit and would be the biggest threat to Helen, if not for the fact that his family has been helping her for years.

Like his backstory, he's not seen much in the battlefield, but he has a lot more going on behind the scenes. Imagine the possibilities. He is damn intelligent and he knows it. While Dell is very sweet and has a southern charm, this is a facade to hide his God complex and sadistic tendencies. If you think this man is just your boring gentle engineer, you've got a big storm coming. It's heavily implied that he sawed off his own arm so that he could use the gunslinger. This man works on projects with Medic and doesn't question the moral implications of putting a human brain in a pumpkin. Hell, he threatened his own employer, even if he was an old man (Granted, Blutarch dug up his grandpa's grave, so he probably should have gotten something a lot worse than just Dell telling him to fuck off). Engineer is more than the texan egghead sweetie pie, he is a mercenary for a reason and I would argue that he might be as insane, if not more than, the rest of the team. No sane man would willingly work with a bunch of war criminals if he wasn't also crazy. That's the thing I really like about him. I love playing as him in the game because it represents his character very well. He technically serves a supportive role to the team with his buildings, but he is a killer with a lot of tools in his disposal, With the right amount of training, he can absolutely dominate in the battlefield.

I feel like he's one of the people that underestimate and assume that he's an easy target, but he's a lot more than that. He has a lot of layers that makes me want to learn more about him and what he has to offer.

In Conclusion:

These guys are cool. Lmaooo okay I won't just end it there. I genuinely believe that they're not getting the recognition that they deserve, they've got a lot more going for them if you pay attention. Sure they might not always be the loudest or most prominant character in the story, but what they lack in quantity, they make up for in quality TEN FOLD. They don't have to be your favourite, but you should at least give them a chance. You never know, they may surprise you.

Okay so thats enough of that, I couldn't find a divider above this message, so you're getting this grainy ass gif. Honestly, I put way too much effort on this shitpost lmaooo, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out in a more concise manner. If you want to add more stuff about these three that I didn't mention, feel free to do so. Anyways thanks for reading

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 engie #tf2 demo #tf2 mikhail #tf2 defense #i spent way too long on this post than I should have bruh #enjoy the ramblings of a thirsty idiot #defense nation rise up

130 notes · View notes

sir-fluffbutts · 8 months

Note

I love love your recent comic about JJ and pepper, will JJ ever realize his feelings for pepper?? Oh and JJ and pepper really remind me of jonathan and dio, i even thought they were their fursonas at first 🤧

I DON'T THINK, I CAN ANSWER THAT

pepper and JJ's "romance problems" arn't really importent current lorewise, and whatever related to it will happen AFTER the "fish market" lore so i will keep quiet for now 🤫

--------------------

also (the main reason why im answering this question), OH BOY DO I HAVE A STORY ABOUT THAT

OK SO, jj looks like jonathan from JJBA cause...design wise, he have went through the jonathan kinsona phase

i had JJ (originaly named "piper") since 2019, and between the time he have went through a LOT of design changes

i should mention that at time time, he has been a part of a [specific CS] * i will not adress them in name as i've left the species with a bad taste in my mouth and do not want to be involved with them again

around 2020 when i was INSANLY into JJBA, i found out there was a "jjba (CS)kinsona gang" chat within the species group, and while talking with some people there, i was like "haha won't it funny if i redesign my guy into a jojo character that'll be insane" and i did just that

sadly the small group kinda crumbled cause CS is all about trading and most of the "kinsona characters" got traded and redesigned 😔 i still kept JJ intending to redesign em again.

then, in 2021 when i had beef with the said [CS] and decided to leave, i sold out most of my said CS characters, but kept JJ due to sm fond memorys on him

but i didn't want him to keep being just a "jonathan kinsona". so after a species change, giving new lore and doing bunch of redesigns, the JJ we all currently know was born into the world

---

while being redesigned to his current looks, i put a lot of his previous design+ his cousin(shark)'s design elements and i feel like he turned out pretty well

definatly still have a sort of a resemblence, but different just enough 🤌

it actually seperates the characters more in his outgrows neck/back fluff ver, but (for now) he likes to keep it clean

------------------------------------------

pepper is also a pretty similar story

his OG design was based on speedwagon and when in my JJBA CS phase i was like "wait, wasn't there a SW inspired design??" and managed to grab em

however i don't think he gets the same recognition as JJ cause

i actually don't think his OG design resembles the character that much

i officially got him (ended my trade) when the said "JJBA CS gang" started to crumble, so i almost immidetly did a 180 on his design and used him for different lore purposes

people tend to skip part 1 so they have no idea who speedwagon is (😭)

and considering how i NEVER get comments on his connection with him but constently hear about how he look like

• dio (part 1)

• DIO (part 3)

• striker (helluvaboss)

i think i've done a pretty good job on his redesign 😂💅

#ask #actually so glad i didn't get rid of these two in the said CS purge cause when achii stepped into the lore evenyrthing just clicked like 🤌#i would appreciate if people to not compare the metioned characters with them please 🙏 didn't went through all that for nothing

174 notes · View notes

runespoor7 · 3 months

Note

I mean obviously I’m am going to ask you about chengxian, for the ask meme

What made you ship it?

It was the most interesting relationship in the book. I'm a sucker for childhood friends with broken promises, for grief, for misunderstandings over loyalty and love, and for relationships whose resolution in canon is bittersweet.

It still took some time and effort before I started really shipping it. I was theoretically open to shipping it but I hadn't yet read fics that really sold me on it (this was in 2019, I think). Then as an experiment I put a WWX-inspired character in the setting I was GMing for the JC and JYL NPC stand-ins to have him to play off of. Turned out I did ship them.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

😬

*wide, helpless, expansive gesture*

It's never simple with them. It's always fraught. They love one another but they also resent one another. Hunting demonic cultivators is about WWX still maybe being alive. Maybe JC can bring himself to kill WWX this time, or maybe he can find a way to bring WWX back home and forgive him. WWX promises to be with JC but he ends up promising that he won't stay ("like my father served your father") but he didn't mean it with an end. the mess that is the fraughtness of WWX's liminal space when it comes to his social rank.

love hurts, what hurts is love.

the fact that the one 'leading' is WWX, not JC, going against the accepted social order. (tbh, if that wasn't the case, I probably wouldn't be into the ship.) it paints such a picture of WWX being so charismatic, and JC being so taken with him, that JC falls into being WWX's sidekick. no wonder YZY was awful about it.

JC keeping Chenqing like a mad dog and keeping Lotus Pier WWX-safe. I. god. JC rating WWX's attention >>>>>>>>>>>>> JC's self-respect every time, in every way. Amazing.

it's incredible to me how WWX asks JYL about love in a scene framed in a manner to make it subtextually point in the direction of LWJ (it's mdzs; the canon pair in mdzs is wgxn; there are no - explicit - love triangles in mdzs; and yet even WWX's original crush on LWJ is, uh. informed by JC and how WWX is with JC and the fact that LWJ is New and Not The Son of WWX's Benefactor. this is normal.), where it's apparent that WWX is scared of being in love because it changes how you act, it's a limit, it's a cage, you're limiting yourself for someone else - and then WWX does something for JC that is everything he was scared of.

and it does ruin him! it's terrible! so his romance with LWJ is everything his feelings for JC weren't. He's not the one doing the protecting. LWJ doesn't question him. There are no expectations of anything, no discussions of the future, no thoughts of society. LWJ is just such a comfort, just a good thing WWX gets because he wants it. Also LWJ isn't emotionally taxing af (this is a big one). (WWX kinda ends up YZY-ing himself at the end of the book but I'm not thinking about that.)

WWX's utter toxicity toward JC. not a iota of respect for either JC or JC's boundaries to be found, except when convenient for WWX.

they both really, really believe that WWX is better than JC in every way. it's very cool

look. i'm a simple person. arrogant genius jerk/grumpy dutiful tsundere otp.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I love the joke that chengxian isn't incest but both of them wish it were, but I think the only time one of them wished they were brothers was JC when he decided to sacrifice himself for WWX and he was lying in bed making morbid jokes. At least sacrificing yourself for your brother who is the better cultivator and can lead the sect would be simple. Forgivable. Good.

I also think they might grow to think of one another as brothers at some point post-canon, that's a sort of reconciliation that might happen, but to me it's key that during canon they don't know what they are to one another, they just know they're scarily, terrifyingly important, and there's no word for what they are to one another.

JC refused shixiong-shidi (in a shocking reversal of their normal dynamic, I think he forgot he did that and spent roughly two decades feeling insecure and weird that WWX doesn't call him shidi) and they can be nothing else, socially speaking. The love that dare not speak its name, if you would. And at that same time post-canon they could also decide that what they're to each other is that WWX used to be in love with JC, and maybe JC still is, and they're not brothers. Or maybe both! The point is, the definition of their relationship is uncharted waters and they never thought of each other as 'brothers' (much less called each other that).

2) WWX is incredibly bitter and resentful of giving his core to JC and that colors everything he thinks and says about JC afterwards, including after he's returned to life. Basically, he gave, and gave, and gave, and felt there was no gratitude, and he's unable to live the life he wanted, unable to reap the promises life made him, and JC isn't any more agreeable or tractable than before (less so, in fact!). It's not fair.

#chengxian #ask meme

130 notes · View notes

always-is-always · 3 months

Text

Insights come, through original content

It's definitely worth the time, to watch as much original content as possible. BIG note to self.

I've watched all four seasons of Bon Voyage, and just finished the four years of Summer Package. Lots of stuff that I have seen bits and pieces of before, in a lot of compilation videos and "analysis" videos. VERY interesting to see all of it within it's original context, in each show.

Yeah, there's a bit of Jikookery as people call it, in some of it. Most of it I had seen out of context, during my first couple of years in the fandom (when I didn't have any idea about anything). There are a few moments here and there that I haven't seen before which are primarily touches, and super subtle stuff.

The interesting thing is how people have taken so many of those moments out of context to support a story that they are presenting, in their compilations or "analysis". Yes, it can be said that other parts of the fandom have done the same thing, for the same purpose.

One of the moments from BV in Malta that everyone has seen comes to mind, here as I type. It is when they are all at a restaurant, and Jimin and Jungkook are seated across from each other. They reach out at the same time, to offer a bite of food to each other. That is a favorite clip that j-kookers love to use, to prove their theory. I mean, I do think it is cute and sweet, and I do believe that Jimin and Jungkook are together (in a closeted relationship), I just think that it's really a disservice when people leave out the other part of that scene. You know, when Jimin is then offering bites of his food to the other members, too. It wasn't just a Jimin and Jungkook thing, like is portrayed in many of the YT videos I have seen...

The other things I noted are how the editing was just so chopped up and discombobulated at times. Like When you see Jimin literally sitting down right next to Jungkook and then suddenly it is edited and next thing you see is Jimin on the opposite side of the group, not sitting where he had just sat down a second before. lol... Yeah, there's a TON of that crappy editing in all of the series and shows. I'm guessing that as they got into 2017, 2018, 2019 that they had to do a lot more editing as Jimin and Jungkook kinda started being more open with their antics. lol...

I kind of understand why people like to create those videos over on YT. There's thousands of them probably, and literally millions of viewers who like that type of thing. I was one who watched a bunch of it, as I mentioned before. It was before I understood what a lot of it was, and before I understood how much manipulation there was.

What's next on tap for me? I'm not sure. There's a ton of content still for me to make my way through. It has been enlightening to say the least. I do see the shift in the way that Jimin and Jungkook were from the early years into 2019, from what I have watched so far. There's so much there that clearly shows that they had particular types of experiences with each other, behind closed doors. I mean, anyone who has ever had a lover would see it in their energy(if you sense or see energy) and in the way that they would touch each other. It is as clear as the sun in the sky.

I can only imagine the complexities that the members had to navigate in their relationships with each other, their communication of how they felt to each other, and in working out HOW to have two members in a close intimate relationship within the group. Talk about a complicated situation. That puts it mildly. No wonder Namjoon had so many moments when they were in front of cameras, audiences, interviewing and such. No freakin' wonder.

Sorry for this long ramble..... I've just been thinking a lot about them and about what I have seen in these shows. Like I have mentioned, I hadn't seen much of the original stuff that was on Weverse, sold on DVD, or behind pay walls. I didn't actually understand what the heck "Summer Package" meant! lol... There's a TON of content that I have still to watch. This will be an ongoing thing for me, during these months while we wait for June 2025. There's probably going to be more rambles like this one, to come.... 😁💜

#bts #bangtan #bts original content #watch original content #missing bts #looking forward to 2025

74 notes · View notes

norris-lando · 8 months

Text

where did my baby go?

Charles Leclerc x reader

based on the song Coney Island by Taylor Swift

warnings: angst, breakup, fighting, character death author’s note: I’m actually really happy with how this turned out and I kinda love the twist at the end. So, I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this! word count: 4.1k

You and Charles had been together for four years. And sometimes you couldn't believe the half of it. The way you treated each other left people to wonder why on Earth you even stayed together when it seemed so painful for you. It was like you couldn't breathe. Like everything was always just the wrong shade of grey. Nothing ever working out the way you had expected it to. All the while you just couldn't stay away from each other. It was pathetic.

Break my soul in two looking for you

But you're right here

If I can't relate to you anymore

Then who am I related to?

A touch here, a sigh there, something always got on one of your nerves just enough to start a fight. It didn't matter where you were or who you were with, when the ball started to roll, there was no stopping it. Spiteful words were being exchanged, causing the poor people around you to be horrified when they heard the way you spoke to each other.

Nevertheless, you couldn't imagine your life without Charles. It didn't matter you couldn't understand anything about him anymore, like he had become a total stranger to you in a blink of an eye, in a matter of seconds. Still, it was always his eyes you searched for in a crowded a room. It was Charles who was your first thought each morning when you woke up and each night you let yourself be pulled to sleep. If you couldn't be with him, who would you even be? It was like you had lost your own identity and now you didn't exist without him.

When you first started dating in 2019, you were happy. You could picture your life with Charles from start to finish. You were in it for the long haul, you both were. Neither of you expected it to end any time soon, hell if ever. You found each other and simultaneously the two of you decided that, this was it. This is where the search ends. This is the end game. You were blissfully unaware of how far from the truth you really were.

And if this is the long haul

How'd we get here so soon?

Did I close my fist around something delicate?

Did I shatter you?

It didn't take long before you had your first fight. It was over something small, comical even. It was something you would laugh over later that same evening. Oh, how silly we were to be fighting about something like that, you would recall later as you thought it over. Maybe you should have seen the signs then? Or maybe they weren't there yet? Maybe it really was just something small. Something every couple would go through, only to grow stronger from it as a result. Maybe you were supposed to grow stronger from it, too, but just didn't know how to.

Later on in your relationship Charles would let his mind slip back to that fight again and again. Going it over in his head, wondering if there was anything he could have done or should have done differently. Would his actions had steered the ship in a different direction? Maybe avoiding a head on collision after all. Or maybe there was nothing to be done. He cursed under his breath each time he went over that first fight. He blamed himself for a lot of it. Honestly, he blamed himself for the most part. Maybe, he often wondered, you were just so delicate and he suffocated you. He would have to come to terms with the fact that he would most likely never find the answers to his burning questions. No matter how hard he searched.

You couldn't bring yourself to move from your seat. It was cold outside and you had far too few clothes on your back to stand the ruthless winds. Still, something forced you to stay. You looked around the park for nothing in particular. A part of you was hoping you'd see something that would jolt you awake from this dream-like state that had trapped you in. Mind spinning but still managing to focus on one thing and one thing only, you couldn't help but wonder what had happened to you and Charles. It was like a carousel in your mind that you were forced to stay on. Like a broken record, it never stopped spinning. Only playing the same painful memories from your past relationship over and over again.

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island

Wondering, "Where did my baby go?"

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go

Sorry for not making you my centerfold

Over and over

'I'm sorry,' you said to no one in particular as you stayed frozen in the same spot.

There was a sickness in your stomach and tears forced their way to the corner of your eyes. A child was running with a big smile plastered on his face right in front of you and you couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if you and Charles had worked out. If you would have been able to work through your differences and maybe start a family of your own. What your life would be like if it was your child sprinting in front of you.

But that wasn't in the cards for you. Not with Charles anyway. Maybe not with anyone ever.

Charles had dnf'd in the race and he was, rightfully so, angry. At himself, at the competition, at everything that stood in his way as he walked through the Ferrari motorhome, stomping his feet like a little child. You followed steadily, trying to keep up with him while trying to find words of encouragement. You knew there was nothing you could do or say to make him feel better but you had to try. It was a mistake but you came to learn that too late yet again.

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointments close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

He slammed the door to his driver's room just before you could sneak in after him. The sound of the door hitting the frame at such a high speed made you jump. You knew what Charles was like when he was angry but it still always took you by surprise. A part of you had still not really gotten used to his behaviour when he was like this.

The anger felt always unnecessary to you. Like it was a little too much. It was like a cloud that swallowed him whole and held him tightly in place before it had had enough and it washed over him.

You tried to knock on the door, barely making a sound as your fist came in contact with the material. There was no answer. No ‘come in’, no ‘leave me alone’, nothing. Just silence as you were left to stand there as you mustered up the courage to walk in to the room. If someone had seen you, standing there alone, they probably would have found the sight sad.

The door opened with a creak and you peaked your head in. Charles was on the bed, sat down with his head in his hands. You couldn't see his face, leaving you unable to read his expression.

A sort of fear crept down your spine. You had been in a similar situation with Charles before so you knew full well how this could, would end. But you still held high hopes that you wouldn't go down that path again. You didn't want yet another weekend to end in shouting match between the two of you. For once, you wanted to end your weekend on a happy note. You wanted to be able to walk out of the paddock as a happy couple, your bodies intertwined together. Not so that one after the other, you held your heads down as you avoided the cameras, embarrassed that the situation had yet again turned to that.

But it was too much to ask. The sight of you in his driver’s room was enough for Charles to tip over the metaphorical cliff he was standing on. And as he fell, he took you down with him.

Sometimes Charles spent his nights going over everything that ever happened between the two of you. He went over the moments, step by step, reflecting where'd been at in his own life at the time. He'd reflect his own feelings now, when it was too late. When he could almost picture you so clearly as if you were right there in front of him, happy and moving on. Sometimes he thought it was all real and it was your way of getting revenge on him.

It was during those nights, when his memories were his worst nightmare, that he turned to his unhealthy habits. Maybe he would have one drink too much. Maybe he would speed just a little too fast on the empty highway. Whatever it was, it was his best attempt trying to stop the pounding in his head get louder and louder. Maybe, sometimes he thought, it was his way of trying to escape the empty void you had left behind when you walked out on him that night.

The question pounds my head

What's a lifetime of achievement

If I pushed you to the edge

But you were too polite to leave me?

During those nights he realised no matter what he achieved in life, it would all amount to nothing if it meant losing you. It just wouldn't be the same if he didn't have you by his side to celebrate. And it was during those nights when he first started to wonder, if he was just stupid. Maybe there had been warning signs. Maybe you had, in a way, tried to show him when enough was enough. Maybe you were too polite and couldn't dare to leave him in the hopes you could actually change him for the better.

But Charles also thought about how maybe it wasn't your job to save him. Maybe you shouldn't have tried to change him but instead, maybe you should have tried to accept him as who he was. Maybe. But he also knew you never meant to hurt him, not intentionally. So whatever it was that you did or tried to do, or said or tried to say, it was all to help Charles. To guide him, of sorts. If only he had realised it sooner.

You couldn't help but miss him after all. No matter how bad he made you feel half the time, no matter how toxic you two were to each other, you missed him. You missed him and his stupid laugh and his stupid smile and his stupid dimples and his stupid face. You missed the man he was when he was with you and you missed who you were when you were with him. Through the good and the bad.

Do you miss the rogue

Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

Will you forgive my soul

When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

When you broke up for the first time, you stayed away from his world. You left it all to him. Even though it meant you couldn't see your friends, the friends you had made through Charles. It broke you and you hated it but it felt like the only chance. If you wanted to get over him, you had to cut all ties to him and everything that reminded you of him. Because it was so easy for you to fall back into that toxic cycle of breaking up and getting back together. You had been there too many times already and the two of you grew tired of it. Each cycle lasting a shorter period than the last, even though each time you promised each other this time you would be better. This time you wouldn't hurt each other. But just like each year the first fall of snow comes around, the same way you and Charles fell back into your old habits, again and again.

And yet again, even though you had vowed to yourself that this time you were through, you somehow found yourself back together. Your breakup ending up to last only a few weeks. Long enough for the two of you two think you’d made it through the hardest part of moving on but not long enough for the two of you to not miss each other.

At some point after you had gotten back together it all just started to feel like the beginning of a bad joke. Bad habits, right, you'd chuckle to yourself when it happened, though you knew all too well it was a toxic cycle that didn’t do any good to either of you.

It wasn't hard for anyone to miss why you would always fall back into the same endless cycle. You and Charles together, had it worked out, were like one of those cheesy romance novels. Where no matter the hardship, the two main characters that were destined to be together, would find a way to work. Had your relationship worked out, you would have been the love story of your century.

'Cause we were like the mall before the internet

It was the one place to be

The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams

Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring

Over and over

But life had other plans for you two as tragic as it was. And because of those plans, more often than not the two of you were somewhere around the globe far away from each other staring up at the sky in the hopes that answers would pour down.

Would it be better to just breakup? For good this time. Is it right to keep missing one another? Would it be for the better to just stay apart? No matter how hard it might feel.

Does he miss me like I miss him?

Does she still love me like I love her?

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointments close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

Charles hated to admit it but he spent days upon days going over everything that happened during the years you were together. He thought about were it all went wrong. He tried to find the reasoning behind it, tried to justify his actions.

There were times when Charles felt completely and utterly lost without you. You had been there for him for so long and suddenly you were just gone. The world felt cold without you keeping him warm. Anger turned to fury, sadness to despair. Even happiness was filled with melancholy.

In those moments he was filled with the feeling of not being himself. Yet again he came to the realisation that his life was not complete without you. Just like so many times before.

You had those moments too. A painful sting in your chest as you cried yourself to sleep. Why would life be so cruel? Why would anyone ever have to go through something like this? Why couldn’t you have just stayed home that night? Would you have worked it out or was this something that would have been inevitable no matter what?

Were you waiting at our old spot

In the tree line, by the gold clock?

Did I leave you hanging every single day?

Charles’ mind always going back to the time when you two were supposed to go out for the first time in what felt like an eternity. The two of you had been busy with work and life and had somehow you just let each other just slip by. Always finding reasons why it was so hard to make time for each other, even for one night.

Not tonight, though.

You had planned the perfect evening at a restaurant near your home. The same restaurant you had gone to on your first date. Charles had made the reservations for the two of you and you both had cleared your calendars for the evening, promising each other that this time you’d finally make time.

But something had stopped Charles that night. Some invisible force had put a pin in his plans. And now, in his mind, Charles could see you standing there. He could picture you in a beautiful dress that complimented your skin color, giving you a sort of glow. He could see you lift your head up in even intervals to stare at the clock. He could imagine how you hoped each time as you saw the hands of time that it was wrong. That for some reason the time that was being displayed wouldn’t be correct. There was a twist in his chest when thought about you being disappointed by him yet again.

It brought him so much sorrow when he realised, years later, just how much disappointment he had put you through by not showing up. And for a moment he wished he could have gone back in time and change everything. If he could have, he would have treated you better through every step of the way.

Maybe it had been your way of getting petty revenge on Charles’ for all the times he had ditched you. But had it really been necessarily the best way to do it? The thought of you not going to his birthday party still haunted you as the conversation between you and Charles played in your head.

Were you standing in the hallway with a big cake?

Happy birthday

Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?

A universe away

“You promised me you’d be there.” Charles tried his best to sound tough, not wanting to show you how he really felt. But no matter hard he tried, you could hear the disappointment in his voice. Like a little child had been betrayed by their mother. Not really being able to comprehend why or how someone could such a thing.

What could you have said in that moment? ‘I’m sorry?’ Maybe. But in that moment the last thing you wanted to do was apologize. So you did what you had learned from Charles. You steered the conversation in a direction that would make him at fault.

After that it didn’t take long for you two to be in a screaming match. Both of you saying words you would know you’d later regret but not caring in that moment. Your night ending the same way they ended usually. With slamming of doors, one of you sleeping on the couch after you swore to each other that this was the last time. That morning come, one of you would be out the door for good.

And when I got into the accident

The sight that flashed before me was your face

But when I walked up to the podium

I think that I forgot to say your name

Neither of you could pinpoint the exact moment when it all fell apart. Sometimes it felt like it was a number of things combined, other times it felt like it was one specific moment.

Maybe it was the time Charles had ditched you at one of the many parties you attended during your time together. Maybe it was when you chose to ignore him when he really needed you after a bad day, when the only thing that would cheered him up would have been a hug from you.

To you, however, it was most boiled down to the 'podium incident' as you had began to call it.

Charles had won his home race in Monaco. And as he was up there on the podium celebrating, you were stood among the sea of people. Your eyes were fixated on Charles the whole time while he barely glanced at you. In that moment you felt like a plague — something that had to be avoided at all cost in order not to be swallowed by it.

There were so many people around you and it felt hard to hold it all together. To not break down.

That night as you went back home with Charles you were filled with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. You looked around your shared apartment and felt as if you were just a guest there. Like nothing belonged to you. Like you weren't even supposed to be there.

So you took off. The Monaco night feeling chill on your skin.

You didn't know where you were going or what you were going to do or if you were going to go back. You just knew you had to get out.

You drove and drove and drove until your eyelids felt too heavy to keep open. You figured that you'd close them for just a second. Just a teeny tiny moment and then you'd continue and find a real place to sleep in.

But something jolted you awake. There was a smell of smoke and everything was spinning. Flashes of Charles went around your mind. Flashes of memories playing on repeat as you tried to make out which one was which, all of them just being slammed together, not making any sense. You were confused, not sure where you were or what had happened. It was getting cold. So cold you were shivering relentlessly. And then it hit you.

Charles held your hand tightly as he wiped his tears away with his free hand. He felt guilty. Torn. Like it was just a really bad dream. He was certain that soon he'd wake up in a pool of his own sweat next to you. He didn’t want to believe that what was in front of him was real. Your broken and bruised body lay still on the hospital bed. But he knew better and the truth was like a slap across his face when your friends rushed into the room.

“Charles,” Carlos called out and tried his best to keep his composure. He didn’t want to cry but the sight of your lifeless body was too much for him to bear.

Lando was the next one to peak his head through the door way. An audible gasp left his lips when see what had happened. He couldn’t come in, not yet. So he turned on his heels and stayed behind.

Carlos sobbed out apologies to Charles as if it would bring you back. Lando fell down on the floor outside the room. Pierre and Daniel were silent and frozen. No one knew what to say or do.

“This is my fault.” The room fell silent at Charles’ words. Carlos was looking at his friend, trying to decipher how this could be his fault. He couldn’t find a reason. He couldn’t find words to make Charles feel better. He knew you and Charles had had a lot of troubles during your relationship but he still couldn’t connect the dots. Not until Charles poured his heart out and told him how you had gotten into a fight, yet again. How you had left in the middle of the night, yet again. How you hadn’t returned home this time. How you would never return home this time around.

Carlos began to understand Charles in a way then. He understood why he felt like it was his fault but he knew it was just the shock and sadness talking. He tried his best to console Charles but found the task almost impossible. Carlos figured the best thing he could do right was just stay there with him for as long as he wanted. To be there for him in case Charles needed him. The room fell quiet as no one said a word. Only occasional sniffles echoing around. It was a sad day for everyone involved, one that would take them all months to process completely.

But for Charles it was different. It was more intense and way harder than to anyone else. Your death had a left hole in him and he was certain nothing would ever be able to fill it completely. In his mind, Charles was certain there would always a spot in his heart that would be tainted by the loss of you. Because after all the rough times you went through, the constant fighting and living on edge, fearing what could be said or done without causing a scene, Charles knew that the love you shared was always real. And there was nothing that could ever take it away from him.

#formula 1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #cl16 #writingcl16 #writing wheredidmybabygo

148 notes · View notes