#I'll probably send it to a friend who's been having money issues lately

[michaelmyersofficial]

26/02/2024 Monday Night

Honestly I haven't posted much because I've been very busy but in a way that left it really difficult to post about. I had to go back to the dentist twice, because something went wrong the first time. Honestly I'm not entirely sure this will have fixed it, either. This is so much my worst nightmare, and has kind of put me in a really depressed position I don't know how to crawl out of. My family has gone on vacation now without me. This was a known event and I really don't mind it especially as it means they will allow me to go and visit my brother overseas. I am surprisingly nervous though, I've never flown across an ocean before. At the same time it will be wonderful to hang out with him and the d&d guys. I'm a bit nervous because I haven't finished any of the reading I told him I'd do (he bought me the books), but I have until the end of April, so I think it will be fine, probably. I also haven't finished writing out all the letters I meant to send everyone, but I have time yet for that as well. I also have to fill out a new character sheet for the next game, and that hast to be done for Thursday, so I might work on that tomorrow. I haven't really been eating well lately and Ena has been upset with me for it, but it's kind of been hard to. I don't know exactly what's been wrong but I have not felt hungry in awhile. Before they left my family had also considered signing me up for a course at the local community college and / or signing me up to the local YMCA. However, I don't have a swim outfit, and mother's suggestions just triggered dysphoria. I would like to try school, since I look up and do maths school work for fun anyway, but it's so expensive that I'm not sure the cost is worth it. Especially since I'm not really able to strive towards a degree of any kind, or actually work in a job because of my health. The government finally made a decision to deny me fully for disability, despite their own doctor arguing on my behalf. It feels kind of hopeless honestly. I know I can appeal both denials, and I will, it's just so disheartening because it's my only shot at getting the help I need and the people who care can't help, and the people who can help don't care. I have to call the advocate, likely tomorrow morning, and then I'll discuss in therapy on Wednesday. I can't really move forward on this until I call the advocate and talk in therapy, though. They also didn't tell me why they decided, ultimately, to deny me, and said that information will be in the letter they send. It's mostly just waiting games on waiting games on waiting games with them. I've also been having issues with a friend of mine. I love them very much but they've said time and time again that they're going to do something and then don't even try to do it and don't discuss with me what's going on. They said they wanted to come and stay with me, but we've planned twice now for that to happen, only they need to finish their school work first since they dropped out years ago and wanted to complete it. I agree that this is a reasonable goal, but they just. . . Don't actually go to their classes yet act as if plans have never changed even though they can only come here after the classes are finished. In addition, all the money that is needed to make that trip could be saved in a month or so from their job- but they keep spending everything to the last cent on gacha games. It almost feels like they don't really want to come and they're sabotaging but then they act possessive of me and talk about being here like it's a dream of theirs. The whole thing doesn't feel right to me now though, since they've started acting this way (just a few months ago). I guess the dentist and tooth thing has really been getting to me because I don't really know if I've been as busy as I think I am but it's sure felt like it, and I've missed out on a lot of fun things because of that stress.

I do have some plans for the upcoming week, so hopefully I can get back into a regular schedule and things work out for me.

#diary #quest log #ena #family #books #brother #d&d #dentist #disability #friends

[moemoemammon]

No no you deserve a billion buscks you're really funny and make ppls day ilysm /p <3

Gestures to the tags

#I DUNNO HOW TO RESPOND #I'm so bad at receiving both genuine compliments and gifts lmao #makes me feel guilty but then I remind myself that I'm not holding anyone at gunpoint so #well uhh except for in this picture but this is fine you all consented to this #anyway THANK YOU GUYS IM #I PROMISE I DONT NEED MONEY #but what I've received so far has paid off the groceries I bought today lmao #I'll probably send it to a friend who's been having money issues lately #daikon talks #late nights with daikon

[whimsicallyreading]

For Day 29 of Rowaelin Month

“A song fic-“

The song- “Always Been You” by Quinn XCII

CW- Mentions of miscarriage and divorce

"I can't believe you right now."

Rowan looks at his wife in frustration. She's sitting at the end of their bed, staring listlessly at the wall. The skirt of the red dress she's wearing is wrinkled, and his heart aches when he notices the mascara marks on her cheeks.

"Aelin," Rowan tries again to reach for her, but she leans away from his grasp.

"No, Rowan. I'm done."

Rowan takes a long swing from the beer in front of him. The time on his phone alerts him that he's spent most of the evening sulking at his bar.

The guys had invited him to dinner, but Rowan hadn't felt like going in light of his current situation. Instead, choosing to meander to the shady little pub they'd passed by coming from the airport.

His lawyer had sent him numerous emails. Documents to sign, agreements to approve, and papers he needed to read through before sending them to the judge.

Divorce was a pain, and Aelin wasn't making it easy.

"Hey, bud. I thought I might find you here." Fenrys slides onto the barstool next to his.

Rowan sighs and rubs the lines forming on his forehead. "Well, I thought it was obvious I didn't want company."

"Too bad. Drinking alone isn't a good look on you." Fenrys raises a hand and motions for another round of beers. "How are things going with ya know?"

"Shitty. She's never paid a dime of rent on that apartment, but she wants the lease signed into her name and for me to front the first four months of rent." Rowan cracks a peanut between his finger. He has no intent to eat the growing pile in front of him. He just craved the satisfaction of breaking something.

"Well, have you talked to her about that?" Fenrys frowns in sympathy, knowing how equally attached both parties were to the little rental.

Rowan laughs mirthlessly. "No, she said that it was better if our conversations were mediated. I always knew Aelin was catty, but she's acting like such a-"

"Don't." Fenrys gives Rowan a severe look. "I know you are upset, but don't start saying shit you'll regret."

Rowan pauses and reluctantly nods his agreement. It's the alcohol talking. He knew the problems that had festered his marriage were predominantly his responsibility.

He takes a deep breath, but a heaviness seems to keep the air from reaching his lungs fully. The weight was slowly becoming too familiar, starting the day Aelin had presented him with the papers.

Rowan wishes he'd done more. Wishes he'd paid more attention and seen the signs of Aelin's unhappiness.

The day Aelin had broken down in their bedroom had been a cold wake-up call but by then? It was already too late.

"You missed our anniversary Rowan." Aelin shouts and pulls her heels off angrily.

Rowan picks up a shoe and tries to hand it back to her. "I know. I'm sorry. It's not too late, though. We can still go out? There's still time to salvage-"

Aelin turns away from him and seems to fold in on herself. Rowan wants to reach out. He wants to hold her, but something dark is building in the air.

"I don't want your leftovers, Rowan," Aelin whispers. "That's all I get anymore—your leftover time. Your leftover attention. Whatever leftover resentment you bring home from work."

"Aelin-" he tries to cut off her depressive spiral, but she's not finished.

"You used to call me during the day." Aelin's voice cracks, and he realizes she's crying. "Every day, you would call me on your break. Now you don't even call when you leave town."

"Baby, just listen to me." He puts his hands on her shoulders, but Aelin breaks his grasp to turn around and look at him.

"Is there someone else?" Her eyes are wide and vulnerable. So unlike his regular Aelin."

"What?" His brain is struggling even to formulate a reply. Rowan's lack of response only causes Aelin to worry more.

Something in her cracks. There's a quiver to her lips, and her face drains of color. "Oh. Oh no."

"Aelin. I swear there is no one else." Rowan finally says, but it's too late.

"Is," Aelin presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Is it because I lost the baby?" She sucks in a hiccupping breath. "You've always wanted kids. So did I, but my fucking body doesn't work."

Aelin closes her eyes, and Rowan knows she's speaking more to herself than him, but her words gut him just the same. "My body doesn't work right. I keep giving us false hopes and wasting money on pregnancy tests. Of course, you would look for a woman who can give you what you want."

He's surprised by the sudden flare of anger in him. "Don't put words in my mouth. That will never be your fault."

They'd known right from the start their journey to parenthood would be a long one. Aelin had a family history of complicated fertility. It had seemed so trivial when they got married. Yet even knowing there could be issues, nothing quite prepared them for the pain of a miscarriage.

Aelin sniffles, unable to force back her grief, "But you resent me. Don't you?"

Rowan doesn't reply.

"It's rough," Rowan admits out loud. "I let a lot get left unsaid. I was hurt and pushed her away. Now she won't even speak to me without a lawyer present."

Fenrys nods, "It's all probably for the best. Once this is over, you guys can put this drama behind you."

"I wish it were that easy," Rowan knocks back the rest of his beer. He grimaces at the drink. It's not taking hold quickly enough.

Fenrys raises an eyebrow. "You both will be able to shut the book on this chapter of your lives and move on? Considering how bloody you two have been fighting, it sounds ideal."

They sit in silence. Fenrys takes the peanut basket away from Rowan and picks at the shells. The bartender comes by, and disgruntledly eyes Rowan's pile of crumbs as he orders a whiskey neat.

Fen was like his little brother, but Rowan found it hard to admit his real problem to him aloud. "I still love her."

The basket goes flying over the side of the counter, and Fenrys chokes on his beer. "What?"

Rowan can't look him in the eye, "We lost a baby. It was early. Aelin didn't want to tell everyone. Three years we tried to get pregnant, and finally, a test comes back positive. She was so happy."

"Shit," Fenrys says quietly. "I'm so sorry."

"It was there, and then it was gone. I thought Aelin was fine. She cried for a week, but then it was like a switch flipped, and she was back to normal." Rowan clenches a napkin in his fist. "I was devastated. It hurt like hell, but I didn't want to send her back into a depression." Rowan shakes his head at how stupid he'd been. "So I put some distance between us. I didn't want her to think I was upset with her."

"I didn't feel better," Rowan sips the whiskey, relishing the warmth. "It made me mad that she got over it so quickly, and I couldn't. I didn't realize that I was growing that space between us. I didn't understand how much guilt she harbored and that she tried to be strong for me. Not until she broke."

"We fought. I said all the wrong things. Aelin couldn't take it anymore, she left, and I didn't stop her." Rowan leans his head on his hands and elbows against the counter. "She's the love of my life, and I watched her walk out the door."

Fenrys sucks in a breath and sighs. "You are my best friend, and I mean this in the most loving way possible. Why the hell are you here?"

"What?" Rowan looks at Fenrys annoyed face.

"Get out of here. Go. I'll tell the boss you have ebola or some shit." Fenrys fishes his wallet out and throws cash on the bar. "I'll even cover the tab. Just leave. Now."

"What? I don't understand?"

Fenrys looks at Rowan like he's stupid. "No offense, but you are about as interesting as a brick wall. The fact you caught a girl like Aelin is astonishing. If you love her, are you honestly going to let her go on being miserable?"

"She's not miserable," Rowan scoffs.

Fenrys laughs bitterly. "You forget I'm pals with Aedion too? Aelin winds up at his house almost every evening crying her eyes out. You two are still hopelessly in love. You're just dumb and badly in need of a good conversation."

"Aelin is upset?" A sense of disbelief washes over him.

"Yes! She misses you, but she's under the impression you are off sleeping around." His face saddens. "I told Aedion you weren't. He knows I go on all of these trips with you. Aelin's just upset you're gone and needs to believe in something that can help her let go."

Rowan stands up, swaying. "I have to go."

"Hell yeah, you do. Give Aelin my love," Fenrys waves as Rowan vates the bar like a hawk out of hell.

Aelin sets the stack of papers in front of him.

Rowan had been camping out in his office ever since there disaster of an anniversary. He'd texted a few times, but every time they talked, it was like relighting a fuze. Things weren't getting better.

"What are these?" Rowan asks without looking up from his screen.

"Your ticket to freedom," Aelin sits in the chair across from him.

She looks thin, thinner than she did when Arobynn was her foster father. It physically hurts Rowan that he's causing her that kind of stress. Glancing at the papers, she slapped in front of him. His blood becomes like an ice river through his body. "Aelin-"

"I'm not the one for you. That's apparent now. I won't hold you hostage in a marriage that you aren't happy in." Aelin blinks, and a tear slides down her face. He wants to wipe it away, but he's beyond angry. She was giving up on them.

"If this is what you want," Rowan slides the papers towards him and pulls out a pen.

Rowan is racing the familiar paths to their apartment. He doesn't care that it's almost four in the morning. The plane ride between Perranth and Ornyth is mercifully short, but he can't force himself to wait another minute.

"Aelin," he yells through their door. "Baby, answer me. Open the door."

Rowan's fists tap a consistent rhythm on the door, and his heart skips a beat when a bedraggled Aelin finally appears. "Rowan, do you know what time it is?"

She's in a pair of grey flannel pajamas, not one of her usual silky numbers. Aelin's eyes are red around the edges, and her face is still dewy from the excessive amount of lotion he knows she loves to put on. Rowan knows all of her routines. All of her favorite outfits, comfort movies, and best memories. He knows the scar she has on her left hand from an abusive foster father. Rowan remembers how the bridge of her nose wrinkles when she's upset in the same spot her cousin's does.

He knows everything about her, because not only were they husband and wife, they were best friends.

How could he have let that go?

Before Aelin can ask any more questions, Rowan has swept her into his arms. "I missed you so damn much."

"Rowan, have you been drinking?" Aelin asks in a voice cracked with emotion.

His hands are running up her back, and his knows burrows into her hair. He's always loved the smell of her jasmine shampoo. "Fireheart, I never resented you for losing the baby."

"Rowan, I don't want to talk about this," Aelin tries to push him away, but he squeezes her into his chest, and she melts.

That had been his mistake. He should have held Aelik like this and never let her go on pretending to be happy. How could he know everything about this woman and not have seen past her facade? She'd suffered. His own pain had blinded him.

"Aelin, I've made so many mistakes lately." Rowan rubs the back of Aelin's neck the way she likes, and he can feel the sobs starting to build up inside of her. "But the greatest shame of my life is not being there for you when you needed me. I was stupid, Fireheart. I'm not going to be stupid any longer. This separation can't go on, we aren't any happier for it, and I can't live knowing I'm away from the other half of my soul."

Aelin cracks, and he can feel the tears wetting the front of his shoulder. "You were never home. I thought there was someone else, someone who could give you the things you wanted because I can't."

Her whole form is shuddering his arms, and Rowan squeezes tighter as if he can hold her broken pieces together. "It's always been you. I don't care if we adopt or never have any kids at all. All I need is you, baby. You are all I've ever needed."

Suddenly, hands are in Rowan's hair as Aelin crushes their lips together. The kiss is frantic, a relief of the stress they'd carried upon their shoulders.

"I missed you too," Aelin whispers in between kisses. “Gods I mussed you so much.”

The rest of their night is filled with soothing words, frantic kissing, and murmured apologies. Rowan kisses the tears from her cheeks and Aelin looks into his eyes like she’s home. Nail dig into skin as they promise never to be apart again.

For the first time in months they sleep in the same bed. Rowan sinks into a deep restful sleep with his wife in his arms once more. He loves the way her cold toes search out his heat. How Aelin fits so perfectly against his chest. When he wakes up and she’s still there, his heart nearly features from relief.

After months of pain, it's the beginning of their walk towards healing.

The days after aren't perfect. They had legal issues to sort back out, more problems to lay bare to the sunlight. There was arguing, but it lacked actual heat, and they didn't walk away feeling unloved at the end. No longer did they fight to land barbs. Their bickering now served to work towards solutions and to express needs.

Between struggles, the love began to grow back. Rowan kept his job at work, and when he was home, it was about them. He started calling her on his breaks again, and it always astonished him how much he missed the sound of her voice. They both strived to communicate their feelings better and actually listen instead of reacting.

Aelin surprised him with romantic dates, and Rowan read pages of her favorite books to her at night. They danced in the kitchen and laughed at their favorite shows.

Fixing their marriage was hard work, but Rowan and Aelin didn't mind. The separation proved that neither of them wanted a life without the other. It was to whatever end, and they wouldn't accept anything less for them.

On one Sunday morning, Rowan opens his eyes and realizes that Aelin isn't on her side of the bed. Panic surges in him, and he looks around to make sure her things are still there.

They are, and the tension eases from his shoulders until he hears soft crying from the bathroom. Darting out of bed, he grabs Aelin's bathrobe and knocks on their bathroom door. "Aelin, what's wrong?"

Had he screwed something up? Was she sick?

The lock clicks, granting him silent permission for him to come inside. Rowan pushes the door open and finds Aelin crying on the side of the tup. With gentle hands, he wraps her robe around her and throws an arm over her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Aelin looks up at him, a radiant smile on her face. "Look."

Rowan glances down to her clenched fists and-

He blinks, once, twice. Aelin laughs at his dumbfounded face, and it breaks his paralysis. Rowan grabs her around the waist and spins her around the cramped bathroom, the positive pregnancy test clattering to the floor.

Aelin's arms wrap around his neck. The emotion in the room is raw and bittersweet, but there's a hopefulness that can't be denied. Rowan holds her tight as they process the news. When they break apart, the love between them is palpable. They had another shot at this, a fresh start.

Hards times would come and go, but good days were never far behind for them. Because for Aelin and Rowan, it's always been them.

And that's all they needed.

#throne of glass #rowaelin #fanfic #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #rowaelinmonth #angst #tog #sjmaas #throne of glass fanfiction #song fic #rowan x aelin #fenrys #day 29

[leewritesstuff]

Keeping Up With The Hollands | 03 (Interview)

Summary: You and Tom were offered to document your life since you are both famous in the entertainment industry. Now as you got older you left the entertainment industry and head for the medical field. How difficult can it be? Also, did I mention that you have kids?

Previous | CHAPTER 03 | Next

Series Masterlist

WORDS: 1.04K

If you have questions that you'd like to ask for Tom or for.. you? Then don't be shy to send them. I apologize for this being late, my sister had a project and I got invested with Love Island

'

'

"Hey I'm Y/N L/N and I'll be playing with puppies while answering your questions, hit it" One of the staff members hands you a cute white pomeranian puppy.

"Oh, my fucki- wait I can't curse in front of you! You're too cute for me to do that" You sad suddenly forgetting that you were doing an interview. The Pomeranian puppy licked at your nose then barked at you wagging its tail. As you were giggling you heard a cough, realizing it was coming from the staff members.

"Oh right, sorry! I forgot I was doing this interview. Okay so let's start."

How do you deal with all the hate? And what's your motto for this year

"Uh I mostly ignore them, actually I have a high tolerance to ignore bullshit so if someone dislikes me or something I do and sends hate, I just basically say okay! ...Or just fall asleep. For the motto question, um well I don't have one but I could think of one....'Reject the status quo?' I don't know, I was watching too much High School Musical. Next question"

While you were answering the questions, another puppy came. You took it and place it on your lap, it was a German Shepherd puppy. You took your hand that has bracelets on it and dangled it in front of the puppies watching as they try to catch it. Smile instantly forming on your face.

Were there any struggles in you and Tom's relationship?

"Mhm, I like this question. Our relationship isn't as complex as thinks everyone thinks it is. When we first started dating there was a few issues since the age gap. We started dating when I was 27 and he was around 21, and people were sending me messages saying how I'm using him for his money and that I was some weird pedophile and I was so confused because don't you have to be with someone who's underage in order to be called that? Plus, I'm not bragging but I have more money compare to Tom. People are weird these days dude."

Do you have a crush on Harrison? If not, is there any other guy you find attractive?

That's a weird question to ask. Harrison is a very attractive guy and we respect each other. He's more of a best friend than anything. I really love him! For the other half... probably Niall Horan wait not, let's say the members of One Direction except for Harry yeah Zayne as well but um...maybe James Franco or Chris Evans? Look if I were to list all of my celebrity crushes we would be here all day so let's move on" You let out a giggle and smile when the Shepherd bark at you

"See, Sheppy here thinks so as well, don't you?"

There are rumours about Tom and Zendaya, saying that they are in a relationship do you think so?

"No, I don't, if anything I'd say Zendaya and I are in a secret - well not so secret now. I'm sorry Tom...but yeah uh, I don't think any of it, they both are close to me so I honestly don't think they would ever do something like that. Zendaya is an amazing actress and friend and if there's any issues I would most likely go to her for a second opinion and Tom, he's spectacular- oh my god,  I've been hanging around with brits too much but anyway, he's amazing and the way that his parents brought him up, he wouldn't cheat."

Will you make music?

"Actually I thought the old songs...that I made weren't that good, but I'm surprised people actually like it. Uh, I probably have a good... 5 or so finished and a few unfinished ones but who knows I may put out some!"

Are there any upcoming movies?

Actually, there is. I have two upcoming movies with Tom, which was a surprise to me, but I'm not going to give any more details! I have a minor part in both The 100 and Euphoria. Any other projects you'll just have to wait and see~"

Why did you break up with Harry?

"Mhm, I'm not surprised at this but now, it's getting very old being asked this. I love Harry but it seems that Kendall Jenner was better than me? Not sure, but I had wished we had talked about this instead of me finding out from the internet. Wish him and her the best"

Noticing your distress, the Pomeranian came over and licked your face, a sad smile forming on your face.

What's one moment from your career that you'll never forget?

"I think one of the best moment I'll never forget is when a fan of mines came to a meet and greet and gave me a stuffed toy, I got two, one of a butterfly and one of me, and when she gave me it and I almost cried because I haven't gotten something hand made like that. She literally spent a whole week on it, what makes it even better is that they light up!"'

You lay down on the floor watching as the German Shepherd tried to tug your hand while the Pomeranian lays on your stomach. The camera shifts to face your view.

"Am I making your hands hurt?" You asked the cameraman but he just gave you a smile.

"Ah my bad, my back hurts from sitting like that so I needed a break, if your hands are hurtin' lemme know"

Last question: What advice would you give to a fan who's struggling with depression?

"Well, there isn't a best advice. For me when I had depression is that you aren't alone. There's actually a lot of people suffering from depression and I think being not okay is fine, you just need... to find something that's positive- actually, surround yourself with positive people that cheers you up, do something that you like, talk to people, that's what I did and  I can honestly say that I'm doing great now."

As you sat up, you grabbed the Pomeranian and gently rest them on the floor, while the camera follows you. You smiled at the camera and wave.

"Thanks for sending in your messages! I really enjoy them. I am Y/n L/N and this has been Buzzfeed!"

T A G L I S T

@webmeupspiderdaddy @runawayolives @nerdy-collector-festival @hopelessromm@bi-lmg @speedyhandsbonkpalace

(If you see this then I couldn't tag you) Want to be added? Then message me!

#tom holland x you #x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland x reader #tom holland masterlist #masterlist #fanfiction #pregnant #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x oc #tom holland imagines #tom holland fic #tom holland #tom holland fanfic

[greedentstripes]

Lucifer@John: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Maybe the stupid ones, I'll give you that. It's obvious you're too young to be a retired... er... 'man'. Regardless, I know what old is. Trust me. You're looking at it. So spill the beans. What are you trying to hide.

(John) I have no idea what you’re--

(Shelly growls at John) John. Enough. I already know. Nick already knows about the accident. He found out about it the moment it happened.

*** Imagine the sound of a lock shattering and chains rattling as John's reality comes shattering around him.

(Shelly frowned) You can't lie about it to everyone forever. You aren't old. You're partially paralyzed.

(John held his head) Ugh, fine. You win. I’m scared to talk about it though... what kind of a mid-to-late 40s can’t hold their own balance? I WAS HOPING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT IN MY 60S AT THE LEAST! (John starts sobbing) Now look at me! I'm a [gumshoos cry censor bleep] paraplegic!

(Shelly hugs John tightly with a downtrodden expression of concern) We’re getting through this. He only knows about what happened, he doesn’t know much else of it though.

(John, between sobs) I know...but...sniff...I-I’m too ashamed to admit--

(Shelly) Be glad it wasn't any worse. You can still kind of walk.

(John, still sobbing) “Kind of walking” doesn't fix the fact that I can’t work anymore!

(Shelly) You can too work. Oh uh sorry Mr. Lucifer, this is kind of a sensitive topic for John. Do you mind sitting down? This might be a little while. Let's give John some time to unwind first.

Memory unlocked: John's Accident

* A few minutes passed. Shelly returned from the minikitchen within their upstairs bedroom with a hot cup of tea, with some tamato flakes to help him ease up. John took the tea and drunk from it. After a while, John spoke up, the sob in his voice gone.

(John) Shelly...do you mind telling our guest the truth? I’m still ashamed of myself for holding it from my son for so long. I don't want to slip into another lie.

(Shelly rolled her eyes at that last remark) Fine...ugh. Lucifer, the truth is my husband suffered a slip and fall accident some time around last year. When you’re working janitorial, you tend to be around a lot of water. You can't get careless. But, well, while John was filling up water in his bucket, just as he left the bathroom, he didn't realize someone had mopped up the bathroom before he got there, a rookie who went off their route. And as he was carrying the water bucket, his legs shot out in front of him and he ... uhh... what was it again?

(John) I smacked my head against the door, and as I blacked out, i slipped a disc near my tailbone by landing on my tail funny, at least, that's what the doctors said.

(Shelly continued to recall her memories) A witness at the school say he was probably like that for a good 30 minutes to an hour before someone went to the bathroom and found him like that. He couldn't brace for impact on the account of the concussion, so the damage to the spine was so bad that it cut off the nerve endings to his legs and tail. By the time they had fixed the vertebrae. They thought he would've been paralyzed, but were surprised to realize his legs were still ambulatory. He just couldn't stand up on them properly cuz they felt like "ghost limbs" to him. As a result, after the matter, they had to train him how to walk without feeling in his legs, and he was originally using a supporting walker, but eventually he was able to get enough of a hold to walk around with just a cane.

(John sighed) At least I don't have to deal with the pain of stubbing my toe or bashing my knee on a counter, but...it still sucks knowing I can't do a lot of the things I used to love. I loved working. The people at work were my friends. A lot of the staff loved me.

(Shelly) They still love you. You're always invited to their social gatherings. You just don't go because you're so ashamed to let them see you this way.

(John) Y-yeah...

(Shelly looked at John with a look of promise) John, dear. You're no less of a man for what happened. And if you love working so much, you can always go and get a job where you're allowed to sit down and be helpful.

(John nodded) I know...anyways Lucifer, that's the story. My legs only sort of work, and I can't push a mop around anymore. If only I could float around like the likes of you, I could go back to that job and go back to doing what I love: keeping this family afloat with money i made with my own paws...instead of these stupid government issued disability checks.

(Shelly) It's still money. The money's going toward helping us keep afloat.

(John) And as for why isn't our son in school? What's the real reason? We may as well satisfy that one anon's question at that.

(Shelly) He hated it there. The workloads were getting too hard for him to bear, and he was becoming more defeatist by the year. And high school was one of the worst times in my life, so if I could homeschool him from here, I'd take that alternative over making my son endure "prison" again. I'm not going to send him to secondary school if it means our son is miserable. And he likes helping you out. You're an important role model to him. He knows you were a strong man of society, and he's even as much as told me that you're still the strong man around this place. I'd rather he continue to believe that we "can't afford school", it's a better alternative to saying "Surprise! You're a dropout now!"

(John nodded slowly) I guess...erm, sorry you had to hear our little tangent sir. Oh, and uhh, if @tallgrassghosts is reading this, I'm sorry I lied to you Altrii. About the cane? All this, is the real reason I'm using a walking cane. N

#John's Accident #lucifer darkrai #john gumshoos #shelly greedent

[thirstofgames]

kitty and the jailbird

#️⃣2️⃣

-IT'S A MATCH-

A blank chat popped open and Damien stared at it for a second. He had honestly not expected it. The girl actually swiped him right. He looked at the clock impatiently; he did not have much time left in the library. There was a loud shout from the hallway, his muscles tensing, ready to hide the phone and bolt at any second.

He regretted that last question right as he pushed send. It sounded so bitter in his head now. It was a dating app after all and she was a good looking young woman.

you there?

...

hello?

busy flirting with your other matches, huh?

And there it was all about to end, the hot topic of his whereabouts. And the swift and cruel rejection that followed. It had already happened one too many times! Could he go through his again? Was it worth it? His palms were sweaty, but he never felt so cold. If the ground could just open up and swallow him whole before she finished asking... 

No, sorry

Just a little surprised we matched

you can unmatch if you want

Well, what I want is to talk with you 😊

Your profile caught my eye

what part?

Your profile pic at first.

Most guys can't pull off the broken, deep and scowling thing

But... looks good on you.

you don't look so bad yourself-

but then I read your description...

and I have to know something

shoot 🙄

It was a simple Yes/No question, but it took Kate way to long to answer. She bit her lip, thinking hard on the possibilities. It was such an unfair question though. She was not going to leave, but was not going to pursue anything with him until she knew what he was in for and how long he was going to be locked up. She'd wasted enough years waiting up on others... 

I'm just a little confused 🤔

Are you really in jail?

you gonna leave if I say yes?

It really depends...

A bittersweet smile spread on his lips. What was he expecting from a girl like her? She probably had a nice job, a supporting family and tons of friends and... an actual future. Why would she even consider wasting her time with him? The little time he had left... Better to just pull off the band aid!

She felt to bad! She hadn't meant to disregard his feelings, but wasn't it fair to let her know what she was getting into? She didn't even know what he was expecting from the conversation they were having... She was curious, but she didn’t want to lead him on.

okay, let's just say...

the orange pants and barbed wire are real

OMG

I have so mane questions 😱

here we go...

What did you do?

Wait, where do you even hide your phone?

STOP!

enough with the interrogation, alright?

I'm just curious...

sure, but i'm more than just a prisoner

a little respect goes a long way

Kate’s heart sank. He was hot, but the prison was a serious issue... She supposed people were not lining up to get to know him. He seemed pretty well rounded and mannered, but he was very defensive about his crime. Did that mean it was something really bad? But he was on a dating app... so maybe he was getting out soon? 

You're right!

I'm so sorry 😓

Let's change the subject

Why don't you tell me what you're looking for

hmmm

What?

i'm thinking...

nobody's really asked me that before

Seriously?

most people stop talking to me when they find out i'm locked up

i don't really blame them. i'm rough around the edges.

She didn't say anything for a while and Damien started wondering if he should just close the damn phone and leave. He should also probably take a break from Lovelink after this... it clearly wasn't doing him any good. Dark thoughts swarmed his mind and he had to close his eyes and head his head back against the bookshelf to get rid of the harrowing feeling. Like he was falling in an endless pit...  

The screen showed him typing and deleting several responses. Kate pursed her lips, impatient. Had she said anything wrong? She’d never spoken to someone who’d been locked up, she was still unsure what could trigger painful memories, or just remind him that he was... not free. But he said he just wanted to chat and his profile mentioned 'deep conversations'... 

Okay, I'm not running away, for now

but...

But I can't really make up my mind

If I don't know anything about you

So...

alright

honestly I'm just looking to talk to someone from the outside

it can get pretty boring in here, just waiting around the clock

Let's be friends then 😊

I'll be your window to the outside world

If that's alright with you...?

Damien sighed on the other end. Beggars can’t be choosers. It was a step in the right direction though. Maybe he was not going to find the love of his life at the very fucking end of said life. He was not living in some fairytale! He was still going to die, alone and forgotten.

But maybe... just a little less alone at the very end of his road. One friend meant more than none and maybe, just maybe... he could tell her his side of the story. Eventually. She seemed patient and understanding enough. Let at least one person out there know he did not murder his own father. 

sure

that's more than most

Of course a pretty thing like her got a lot on attention... She was only chatting up with him because the others were offline- 

but it must have been pretty bad to be such a long sentence

you still can't tell me what the crime was?

look, i've been making my own rules my whole life

you better ask what crimes I DIDN'T do

wow...

i'm no bragging or anything, just letting you know where I'm at

anyways, I'm more interested in what you're all about

what are you doing on an app like this?

Honestly...

I was about to uninstall it right before we matched 😅

Oh

you already found the one?

or no luck at all?

Well, I went on a few nice dates...

i see

Suddenly his experience on the app seemed less awful. Maybe it was not the right place. Or perhaps it was just the place for a misfit like him, here with all the weirdoes and con artists. 

And then they ditched me for their exes

Just my luck 😂

Oh and I swear to god if I see one more vampire 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

vampires?

Yeees

You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw...

OMG, one dude was actually dresses up as a centaur

I...

don't even want to ask

There's also the 'prince' scam going around

Dudes claiming to be the heirs of some  

Made up countries and asking you for money

It wasn't quite a rejection, but it still hurt a little. She already mentioned twice she was only interested in him as friends. She didn't need to spell it out every few minutes! But she was the only one... 

Met some nice people too ☺️

Actually became good friends with some

Which is nice since I just moved here

were did you come from?

Pallay 💜

you're a long way from home

I know 😢

I suppose it was getting kinda lonely

My friends and family come visit when they can

But that's not a lot...

what brought you here?

Got a really good job opportunity

But I didn't quite realize how far away I'd be

So yeah, to answer your question from before...

I'm kinda just chatting with new people

Made more friends than anything else lol

Hope that's aright with you 🤗

A smile crept on his lips. An actual, genuine smile. How long had it been since he had any reason to? God, it felt good to talk to someone! Someone who didn't know him, who didn't shout 'walking corpse' after him, didn't judge him. He almost felt like his old self. Almost. 

i'm cool with that

Great!

Looking forward to getting to know you, Damien 😄

so let's get to it

tell me about yourself

hobbies, favorite food, anything

my hobbies are always changing 🤔

I start something new every month or so

Oh, and I started volunteering at a vet lately

🐱🐶💕

With a friend I made on this app

it suits you

Hmmmmm how would you know?

We've only just met

just a hunch

I could secretly be evil 😈

you couldn't hurt a fly

besides, I've seen evil and believe me

you're not it

I'm guessing you're not going to elaborate on that

Are you?

see, you know me so well already

Smartass 😝

 At lest until she finds out.

And I love food 🤤

Who doesn't? lol

But picking a favorite is like... impossible

I do have one hell of a sweet tooth  🍫🍬🍦

I'm soooo jealous

I miss making my own meals

That's right! You probably just have a cafeteria.

I'm so sorry 😓

it's cool

i'm glad we have something in common

Is there any food you miss?

Wait... was there even steak in that picture? Kate felt her ears burning, the fluffy pajamas studently itching at her skin.

just makin my own in general, being in charge in the kitchen

Damien scrolled quickly through his phone, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He nearly didn’t send the photo. It felt like so long ago, a different time...a different person. But it felt so good to remember! To be reminded of the more happier moments when he had all his life ahead of him! And showing her a piece of his past may make her curious enough to stick around for a while longer.

He hit Send.

-Tap to download photo-

Oh

Looks... delicious

you like steak? 

Oh yeah, the food 😳

Wish I could have a bite of that hahaha

So not so shy and innocent as she claimed. Good to know. Even if it didn’t lead anywhere, which he had to be realistic about - he was on death row after all - it was still fun. The most fun he’d had in a long while. It felt...nice.

HA!

i wish you could too 😏

The door of the library swung open hitting the opposite wall. The guard in charge could be heard arguing with someone. At least four voices. He had to move fast.

I'm really hungry now 😅

good

Kate stared at the screen, the little green light besides his profile picture going grey. She scrolled through the conversation as if to make sure she hadn’t just imagined it. She tapped the picture he’d sent, a small smile creeping on her lips. He looked so... normal. Well, more like smoking hot, but she expected some kind of dump, or some greasy repair shop, not Greek sculpture level abs. The boy should come with a warning! She was a sucker for bad boys, but had she gotten so bad that she was now considering a fucking convict? What if he was a murderer or something??

shit!

???

someone's coming

gotta hide my phone

talk soon

Be careful! 🙏🏻

Her ice cream, forgotten on the coffee table, had turned to soup.

What had she gotten herself into?

#lovelink #damien jones #kitty and the jailbird #austin russo #counterpart

[theygender]

Disabled, jobless, and losing money fast

(This post was written on 3/21 and updated along the way)

Hi, my name is Eli, I'm an autistic nonbinary lesbian (whose birthday is on April 26th!), and if you've been following my blog for any amount of time you probably know that I've been experiencing a lot of financial and health issues lately

My health issues have been figured out so they aren't as big of a concern anymore, but what is a concern is the large amount of bills I have from all the tests and emergency services I had to go through

Luckily my stepmom was able to figure out a way for me to use my mom's insurance despite the fact that I'm an adult living in another state and receiving no financial assistance from them, but the co-insurance fees still added up to a lot. $548.42 for emergency room services, $129.60 for the ambulance ride, $76.98 for "other services," $47.02 for an echocardiogram, $35.53 for a heart monitor, and $18.85 for a cardiologist consultation, which adds up to a whopping $856.40 that I cannot afford. And that's not even including all the many copays that I already paid up front

Photo proof here

I've also been without work for a long time. On January 26th I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance because I had a seizure at work as a result of my health issues combined with the physical stress of my manual labor job and my health went downhill from there. I had already been having trouble driving and working but after that point it got even worse. There were weeks where I had trouble even walking without help. There were days where I couldn't even leave my bed because I was too weak to sit up on my own. I took an unpaid medical leave after that day and officially quit my job on February 12th (I was also being harassed by a sexist/homophobic coworker, I found out that my job was lying to me about my employment status to deny me benefits, and they cut my hours by 75%)

Since then I have been searching high and low for a new job and turning up almost nothing. I've applied to so many jobs that I've lost count but so far only one has gotten back to me, and they changed their mind about hiring me three interviews in because they thought I left my last job too quickly... I haven't heard back from any other job but I'm still sending out as many applications as I can

In the meantime though I am hemorrhaging money. Unfortunately the fact that I don't have a job doesn't stop me from having to pay rent, pay my bills, pay for gas, pay for car insurance, buy groceries, and pay for my weekly appointments. I have some money saved up that I was planning on putting towards college but my bills are eating through it quickly and soon I won't have enough to pay my rent, let alone think about college

Update 4/16: I finally, finally got a job so hopefully I'll be able to pay for rent/food/etc without worrying now, but I still lost a LOT of money on necessities during the two and a half months I was job searching

My car is finally fixed after breaking down from a shot transmission and busted alternator less than 4 days after I bought it. We got some help from a family friend who was able to fix it for $500 and my mom (surprisingly) helped me afford it, but it could break down again at any time (and a tree limb fell on it yesterday but luckily there was minimal damage so)

Update 4/9: My car battery died yesterday for the third time this week so I was forced to get it replaced. Altogether it costed $120.15 and I had to beg my mom for money to cover it because I couldn't afford it. It turns out that the previous owner fucked me over by putting in a <$50 battery knowing that it wasn't the right one for the car before she sold it to me

Tldr; I've been without work since January 26th (update: finally started a new job on April 16th), I have $856.40 in medical bills, and I still have to afford my rent, bills, gas, insurance, groceries, and appointments every month despite the fact that I have no money. On top of all this, everything I own seems to be breaking

My paypal is paypal.me/gaylesbean and I have a gofundme here. Anything helps, even if it's just $1, even if it's less. If you can't donate, reblogging helps too

#donations #tumblr love #autism acceptance #autism awareness #actuallyautistic #medical bills #car trouble #disabled #nonbinary #lesbian #lesbiansafe #lgbt #donate #donation #paypal #gofundme #signal boost

[you-can-face-this]

anon friend- hi! thank you for pinning the post- i appreciate it <3 Omg, i can imagine that must have been SO anxiety-inducing, but I am so glad that all your friends (and cafe guy) helped you pull it off. cafe guy literally sounds like the sweetest soul EVER. I think you are right there, I think that this is solid proof that they would be even more understanding if they knew the situation in more of it's entirety. I totally get that you're still processing it, something like that is scary to pull off but I'm real proud of you. I hope your finals and the move went smoothly. And omg, I am SO happy that you haven't had a panic attack or mental breakdown in weeks and that you have healthy outlets for if you do. Darling, that's actually amazing, I hope you are just as proud of yourself as I am of you <3 Maybe even if your friends knew, they might be able to help more with finding financial help that would mean you wouldn't be reliant on them? I obviously don't know what the available financial support is where you are- i know you tried getting help from people at the school, but perhaps this is more reason to tell your friends what's truly going on? and angel, there's no need to thank me- you've done this all on your own! you are the one who has had to be strong and face things and persevere. never give up, there's always good ahead of you. this isn't forever, you will get out of this situation. i know you don't 100% believe you will, but you also didn't think things would get this good, and they have. You're the strongest, and i'm sending you so much love back <3

hi anon friend <3 ahh i have so many updates!

- i've had my few weeks of decent mental health & fun times and then the burn out caught up to me and i've been physically sick & in bed for the past few days rip :( it forced me to stay at home and really rest for the first time in a while tho and i think that's been super refreshing mentally because i felt so much better when i got back to work today!

- unfortunately, when i get sick somehow it's my fault & i'm a lazy b*tch who ruins everything & my p*rents get mad at me :)) so i've been getting the whole anxiety package (endless texts & calls yelling) lately lol and it pissed me off so much that i ended up finally telling 2 of my closest friends here what's going on! obv not my entire childhood (gotta process with a therapist first lmaoo) but what went on during my gap year & how i'm planning on going no contact asap. you were right – they were both very understanding & concerned & have been trying to send me little pieces of helpful info whenever they come across some!

- my school health center therapist said it'll be even harder to get appointments once the fall semester starts so i'm looking for a separate ~real life~ therapist now (i finally got my insurance started so the sessions are actually affordable!). this means i'll get more consistent & frequent help so hopefully i'll be more mentally stable soon lol

- my research professor is in the process of turning my position into an official on-campus job so that i can get qualified to be paid hourly! it's going to be such a relief getting some kind of money on a regular basis 😭& possibly even being able to save up a decent amount of it for my escape plan! i'm also considering telling him a little about my situation (just the part pertaining to when i'll be graduating, since he'll probably ask about that soon for the job) & seeing if he has any other info as a faculty member

- cafe guy really is the sweetest 🥺i've never met someone who i get along with so easily – so much so that i actually thought he was lying/a player/a serial killer the first few weeks adskf;asdf he's very sensitive and aware of mental illnesses + his own issues so he always says something reassuring & validating before i can start spiraling lol this is clearly not the ideal time for a relationship but we have even that fact in common so we've agreed to take things slowly & see how it goes

thanks always for your kind words!! <3 <3 <3 i feel like the day i get out of this mess will come sooner than i've expected – partly because i'm looking into so many new things and partly because i cannot stand it anymore akdfj;asdf i've also opened up a lot more about this to my sister to make sure we're on the same page (she's my little sister so i've been feeling like i needed to singlehandedly figure out how to get us both out) & it's great to have another person in on this with me!

#<3 #anon friend #anon #answered

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Little Twin Times

Grace: It's not too late to change your mind! Get dad to bring you xxx Grace: 👍💜💭 Janis: Nah, you're all good, I'm going out to play footie with lads from down the road after tea Janis: You having fun? Grace: 😮😈 WHICH LADS??! Grace: of course! it's the best! 🙌 Name a film and we've got it ready to watch Grace: her mum ordered from the posh bakery too Grace: They've got each of our names iced on so you've gotta come Janis: You know, they live in the farmhouse one along if you keep going down the lane, renovated all fancy, like but they're actually alright Janis: shit at football though 😉 Janis: s'alright, you eat mine Janis: think they use too much cream, s'not as good as Da's stuff Janis: got any horrors? Grace: EW JANIS THOSE BOYS ARE GROSS DON'T PLAY WITH THEM Grace: they always shout stuff at us they think they're so 💪😎 Grace: You always say that! You'd eat custard tarts every day and never try anything new ever! Grace: 🙄 Grace: OBVIOUSLY WE'RE NOT AMATEURS Grace: the cinema room has everything it's like being out at the poshest one you can imagine 😍 Janis: Only 'cos you act like such a drip whenever you see a boy Janis: If you shouted back instead of going all giggly and red maybe they'd not take the piss, ey? 🙄 Janis: I would if I was faced with all that pastry and cream...tastes like fusty old tissue paper 🤢 Janis: At least that'll be a laugh then Janis: Her house smells like an old lady's handbag though 😂 Grace: OMG I DO NOT! Grace: what would you know anyway you're too busy trying to BE like a gross boy to get a boyfriend Grace: such a 👽 weirdo for a sister, how and why Grace: AGAIN DUH! It is such a laugh and you're missing it Grace: for football 🙄 Grace: RUDE JAN-JAN IT DOES NOT Grace: you're just jealous of how cool her house is Janis: Yes you do, you all just nudge each other and laugh like a bunch of loonies Janis: LOL and what would you do with a boyfriend, gracie? you can't even talk to one nevermind anything else Janis: for you, maybe, i'm good where i am tah 👌 Janis: why would i be jealous of having a too large tv in a too small room and calling it a cinema Janis: they ain't even got that much money, we've probably got more, they're just snobby twats about it Janis: how cool, so cool, woooow Grace: DO NOT Grace: I can't believe you've already forgotten that Jake and two of his friends are all fighting over who gets to be my boyfriend rn so Grace: I'm gonna be a great girlfriend like in all the films excuse you Grace: ugh you're the snobby one thinking we're richer than everyone and talking about how much money everyone's got all the time Grace: what am I gonna do with you? 🙄 Janis: how buzzin you must be Janis: doesn't mean you'll know what to do Janis: s'the stuff that happens after the happily ever after you need to know, graciekins Janis: only cos she's a show-off when she's got no right to Janis: always bragging that one Janis: you just don't like it 'cos you're up her hole, like 😂 Grace: I will too! I've practiced kissing loads Grace: Just because you don't have a clue don't tell me I don't Grace: You're the showoff always trying to beat the boys ugh Grace: just brush your hair, put some gloss on and come over Grace: you'll see she is cool and you're just being salty as usual Janis: yeah, we've seen the gloss on the oranges, its manky Janis: at least eat them when you've frenched them Janis: there's no trying involved, i'm just better than all the boys 😏 Janis: no thanks, i've got plans, like i said Janis: if she's so cool why you ignoring her rn hmm Grace: YOU'RE MANKY I don't even use 🍊 thanks Grace: You think as much of yourself as the boys do it's cringey Grace: and im not even ignoring her she's setting the spa up Grace: nobody's allowed to see what's she's done until she's done it so you're wrong again there Janis: Well all the others have got fellas rn or experience under their belt so don't think they're still getting in 'practice' like its a shitty teen movie 😂 Busted Janis: soz, I'll develop an eating disorder and self-esteem issues asap Janis: oh wait, no, fuck that i'm great Janis: don't hate cos u ain't Janis: better get ur surprised face ready now, you're a shitty actress, like LiLo bad post-all the drugs Grace: It's likely you, J, you've gotten really embarrassing lately 😂 make sense why you don't wanna come out. gotta stay in with the fruit bowl Grace: Don't even joke Kirsty Dixon from number 22 had to go to the hospital loads in the summer it's so serious Grace: you're the hater on me and my friends, read the chat back if you don't believe Janis: Whatever you say, Graciepoo Janis: So? She's still a lame bitch Janis: or you gonna be her best friend now too? Janis: Last I remember, it was your pals calling her names Janis: but now she's in the hospital, you all wanna send her flowers Janis: just not chocolates, she'll be raging, like Grace: YOU'RE SO RUDE AND SOOO WRONG Grace: i know you're blinded by your jealousy but it's sad how much you have no idea what you're talking about Grace: cute but still cringey of course Janis: lol jealous of what? Grace: me having friends and you being the lone loser Janis: 😂 no Janis: firstly, your 'friends', you can keep 'em, there's a reason they were free to let you tag along and be their bitch Janis: secondly, i'm happy being alone, you're the one begging me to come hang, so nice one there 👍 Grace: I'M TRYING TO BE NICE Grace: won't next time, bitch Janis: please don't 😂 Grace: laugh it up all you want you were the one tagging along with us for ages Grace: you're not too good, you're too much of a freak now that's all Janis: yeah because wittle baby gracie doesn't want to do anything on her own Janis: don't cry about it now 😂 Grace: no i didnt want my sister to be an antisocial weirdo Grace: makes me look bad too Janis: Literally going out after tea, did you not hear? Janis: You wanna control WHO I'm friends with Janis: I've got friends, I don't want your hand-me-downs Grace: those creepy boys who want to look at you in your shorts aren't your friends saddo Janis: Your mind, Gracie 🙄 Honestly Janis: lads don't care about things like that, they wanna play footie Janis: and I have plenty of other people I hang with, not everyone wants to be in a sad lil gang Grace: now who's being a baby 😂 lads always think about stuff like that Grace: 🙄 you only think its a gang because you've made yourself unwanted Grace: whatever Jan-Jan i've got fun to have Grace: be boring Janis: They really don't, they think you're mental Janis: also a right slag 😂 Janis: sure you do 😏 laters! Grace: at least they think of me you're furniture Grace: I've got plenty of time and chances to change their mind but you're always gonna be blah Janis: lol yeah, so much chance, when i'm the one that gets to chat with them every day on the pitch and you just stand there staring and dribbling, not the ball, like 😂 Grace: 🙄 so jealous at least they know me and my friends are interested they all think you play for the other team Janis: so? I'm not the slag, I'm NOT interested Janis: how lame Grace: i'm no slag either Grace: you're just being too judgey and weird to know the difference Janis: whatever you say 👌 not me you've gotta convince otherwise, is it Grace: thank god for that 😂 Janis: eurgh don't be disgusting Janis: now who's the freak Grace: EWW THAT'S YOUR MIND I MEANT YOU'VE BEEN HIT IN THE HEAD BY THE BALL TOO MANY TIMES TO HAVE A CLUE ABOUT ANYTHING Grace: 👽 Grace: so gross Janis: no you didn't Janis: you're a shit liar Janis: why would you even say something like that Janis: you're messed up, grace Grace: WHY WOULD YOU WEIRDO Janis: I didn't Janis: you're always like this Janis: you're so fucking creepy Grace: I am not Grace: you're the gross creep Janis: get your own comebacks Janis: this is why i don't want to hang with you Janis: you're so boring Grace: get a life and stop being so disgusting all the time Grace: it's not cool its just gross Janis: I've got one Janis: and it isn't yours to ruin with your lameness Janis: ✌ Grace: I can't ruin what doesn't exist Grace: can't compete with how much of a loser you are anyway Janis: stop trying then Janis: weirdo 😂 Grace: 🙄 pathetic Janis: Oh, FYI, you forgot your jammies Janis: Rio's dropping them in so you better run unless you want her to come in and show you up for being a fake little bitch Grace: No I didn't we've all got matching here already Grace: I'm doing fine get over it Janis: That's literally the most hilarious thing I've ever heard Janis: Hope you're snapping pictures so we've all got something to laugh at Janis: 'Course you are, remember to let Jake know the # Janis: so sexy 😂 Grace: You're so obsessed it's embarrassing Grace: leave me alone Janis: I'll remember that when you're pestering me later Janis: Thanks for putting in writing Grace: Don't flatter yourself that I care Janis: So blatant Janis: N'awwwwh Grace: so annoying 🙄 Grace: go away Janis: go soak your manky feet Grace: go lose on the pitch you try hard bitch Janis: me? LOL ok Janis: trying so hard to be white and likable Janis: of which, you are neither Grace: Plenty of people like me as I am thanks Janis: oh, and who are you today? 😂 Janis: you haven't got a clue Janis: faker than your brands Grace: and you do? 😂 trying so hard to be a badass all of a sudden Grace: everyone's laughing at you Grace: not me Janis: By everyone you mean your sad little friends Janis: who no one but you gives a shit about Janis: be more mad 'cos I've ditched you FINALLY Janis: and I can actually enjoy myself Grace: go and do it then Grace: you'd have to stop talking rubbish at me first Janis: do you see me there rn? Janis: I already am Janis: laughing at you takes no time outta my day Grace: 😂 Grace: like i said, obsessed Grace: nothing better to do than be this lame Janis: like i said, bad actress Janis: i still, unfortunately, have to share a room with you, remember? i've heard you crying Janis: 😂 Grace: not everything is about you Grace: nothing is pretty much Janis: Why'd you go crying to mum about me then Janis: Now I've gotta be nicer to you Janis: What a drag Grace: you're a drag Grace: and a worse actress than you think i am Janis: I'm not pretending otherwise Janis: Its impossible to be nice to you, faking it or otherwise Grace: can't be harder than dealing with being around you Grace: too cringey for words Janis: Aww Jan-Jan please come Janis: PLEEEEEEEEEEASE ITS SO MUCH FUN Janis: now that's cringe Janis: 👍💜💭 Grace: not sorry for trying to get you to keep your invite Grace: you said you'd come and the girls were expecting you Grace: some of them wanted you to be there, because they feel sorry for you or whatever Janis: I don't recall that coming from my mouth Janis: more like YOU said I would Janis: boohoo Janis: the ONLY person who gives a shit is you Grace: blah Grace: bored of you thinking you know everything about me Grace: if you don't care then leave me alone like I already told you to do Janis: how could i not? EVERYONE knows you, right gracie? Janis: ur as transparent as a window and as shallow as a puddle Janis: doesn't take a genius babe 😂 Janis: i'm having fun, fuck off yourself if you can't deal Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: your definition of fun is so sad Grace: I'm off to have some for real Grace: bye Janis: enjoy your spa and matching jimmies Janis: you wild one 😂

[monsterrsmind]

I'll be missing you

I think with most every relationship you have, there is always special little things you’ll always remember, no matter what happens later in life. Here’s what I remember about the three relationships I’ve had: after three years with SMJ, i remember youremineforever, zimbabwe2kx3, and Lammie. after four years with MDS, There is really nothing significant that sticks out…except the fighting. after only 27 days with ALJ, and falling too incredibly hard, too incredibly deep, too incredibly fast, I remember everything….The first time I told you i loved you. The first kiss. The first time we had sex. The first time i spent the night with you…I remember the last time i spent the night and the last kiss I gave you, and the talk we had in your car later that day. I remember my heart breaking, and i know how badly it still breaks. The things I remember, however small and insignificant they may seem to anyone else, these are the things that have always meant a great deal to me. These are things that are my memories and are the things that it doesn’t matter who else understands or likes it or not. They belong to my heart. Everyone has their own. Good things and/or bad things that they remember. -Me circa ~2011 After so many years apart from each one of them here’s what sticks out: SMJ- I still remember Lammie, and Zimbabwe. I remember the first time we had sex. I remember peanut butter mayonnaise cheese and bologna sandwiches. I remember how your family became my family, and how happy we were when Aunt Dawn graduated nursing school and how terrified I was right along with you when your mom got hurt. I remember you telling me how Mr. Eww abused you. I remember wanting so much more for you that you could see in yourself. I remember slowly drifting away, though I can’t recall how or when it really all started. Its hard to pinpoint exact moments like that. I remember going to hang out with your sister after we had broken up and being so sad that you couldn’t even look at me. Like you weren’t even mad at me anymore, like you’d just completely forgotten I had even existed. Like a ghost you couldn't see even though I was standing right next to you. I remember holding your hand at moms funeral, I know how scared you were and even though we hadn't been together for a long time that moment was familiar. I'm glad that we have been able to move past all of the relationship-y feelings, good, bad, and otherwise, and be friendly now. Dare I say, even friends? MDS- As before, nothing good really sticks out in my mind. All we ever did was fight. You were abusive. I still remember, in terrorizing flashbacks, being cornered against the wall, or locked in the bedroom no way of escaping, and the fist flying at my face. I remember not being able to talk to friends or family because you always listened in and then would ask me why I care, and you always wanted me to get paid money for babysitting Alex you didn’t understand that they are family and I wasn’t going to ask for money to see them. Money you would have taken anyway. I remember constantly being accused of cheating on you, when it turns out you had been cheating on me. I remember being so afraid to leave, and yet for some unknown reason I really did love you, and didn’t want to leave. I remember you wanting me to spend nights with you and I would text my mom and tell her to say no and send that to her first. Then I would delete that message from my phone and ask her. I was so afraid to just tell you no. I remember you always telling me I was different around my family and when I told my mom you said this she explained that it was probably true because I felt I had more power around my family because they’d have my back and he didn’t like that. I remember always doing your homework for you. And not being able to go to college or have a job because you were afraid I would go home with someone else. I remember being so confused when your sisters got taken away from your mom because their dad was growing weed and selling crack out of the house and wondering why you would still do these drugs with your mom knowing how angry you were when the girls got taken away because of it. I remember all the times we spent at your aunt Kim’s house on the lake. That woman is the best thing that ever happened to you. I hope you appreciate her. I honestly believe she and her kids are the only sane people in your family. I remember your “size” and I remember the only reason that was even an issue was because you constantly brought it up and couldn’t let it go. I remember always being asked if SMJ pleasured me more than you did. I remember that was what finally broke us up. We were living at my moms house and you asked me that again and I guess I did have more power being at home so I told you I was done and you needed to leave. I remember you tried to take Avery and leave your bearded dragon. I remember the cops having to be called because you were getting loud and threatening. I remember trying to set up visitation rights for Avery. I remember that didn’t last long, I don’t know why, and then we didn’t speak again. I remember a year-ish later I was working at wegmans and you showed up with JL and JC. Not to buy anything. Just to try to intimidate me. I remember a few years after that working at ARC and you showed up at the house to deliver products from jostons paper. That was the last I saw you. Thank God. The only thing I miss about you is Aunt Kim. I hope someday that woman can knock some sense into your god damned head. I replay this in my head all the time. You scarred me in so many ways. I hope you never do this to another woman. And if your aunt even happens to find this and read it and find out all the terrible things you did, I hope she knocks you six ways to Sunday. Listen to her. AL- Last time I posted this we had just broken up. I was still hurting and everything feels a thousand times more intense when you’re in the thick of it. Now, I can’t really recall much. I remember spending nights with you in that little shop that was meant to be an office not someone’s house. I remember having to literally sleep on top of you because you only had a small futon not big enough for the both of us. I remember you having an ex that tried to warn me about you and I didn’t listen. I’m glad we didn’t last long, looking back now. I would hope you would have gotten your life together by now, but I know you haven’t. And now there’s another. SCA- I am still trying to put all the pieces together. Of all my boyfriends you were by far the best. I honestly can’t complain too much. You were really good to me and I appreciate that. I remember just feeling so comfortable with you right from the start I opened up to you quicker than I ever had before. I remember late lights and juicy juice and tumblr and reddit and grape juice guy. But things weren’t perfect. We were like a puzzle and the pieces almost, but never quite exactly fit together right. But so many little things kept us from fitting perfectly. We were never on the same page. I loved you so much I know I could have spent the rest of my life with you, but you never saw it. You weren’t in that place. And a part of me understands that its because of your shitty home life. A drunk, abusive mother and a father who just let it happen. He was never brave enough to walk away, and while the physical abuse didn’t happen to you, it took a toll on you emotionally and mentally. You learned to hermit into yourself and not rely on anyone for help while I sought out treatment. I got myself a therapist and a psychiatrist and got the meds and the help that I needed to at least try to fight the hurricane that raged inside me. You saw your primary doctor who you even admitted wasn’t really helping you, but you never got real help. And looking back I think that hindered us right from the start. I know my reliance upon you took a toll also. I was so busy trying not to drown in my floods that I think a lot of times I started to pull you under. And that wasn’t fair, so I'm sorry for that. You also kept the teeth thing from me with ample time over three years to tell me. I can’t promise that, had you told me sooner, everything would have been fine. I don’t know. I like to think I would have been glad you told me before three years, but I just can’t say with any degree of certainty. I haven’t spoken to you in over two years. And still I find myself wondering “what if…” much more frequently then I care to admit to anyone but my therapist. I only see you occasionally if I stop into Wegmans at the right time. And you look right through me as though I’m a ghost. And I suppose in some ways I am. I’m slowly (very slowly) learning to let go. Someday my bones won’t temble with every thought of you. Someday you’ll be nothing but a passing memory I can smile at as it fades past. Someday. So for now this is my list. I’m learning a little more everyday how to heal myself and let go. That everything in my life doesn’t always have to be all or nothing. I’m learning how to love myself more than some boy who can barely give me a second glance. Someday I’ll be proud of me again. Someday I’ll manage to glue myself back into one piece. Until then…~ 1 note Feb 14th, 2016