#My approach to a sex scene is usually less talk more action

[yamigooops]

DiE4U

“you know that i’d die for, i’d cry for you know that i’d die for you you know that i’d breathe for, i’d bleed for you know that i’d breathe for you” - ‘DiE4U’ by Bring Me the Horizon

summary: when you are given the mission to infiltrate bakugou katsuki’s life and become his lover in order to quietly assassinate him, you never expected it to make your world crumble around you…

words: 16.7k

warnings: enemies to lovers? fluff to angst, main character death, seriously no happy ending, fem reader, oral sex (fem receiving), cockwarming, light impact play (literally one spank), light degradation, unprotected sex (WRAP THAT WILLY FOLKS), general dirty talk… if i missed anything let me know

a/n: i’ve literally worked on this piece for months and now that it’s finally done i don’t know what to do with myself… i cried multiple times while writing it, as it’s literally one of the saddest things i’ve ever read, much less written. so hopefully it makes you cry too because i don’t wanna be the only one. if it does lemme know because i want to know if i hit my goal lol. i’d say enjoy but hopefully you’ll be broken by the end soooo…….

It was always going to end like this. But it was never meant to hurt so badly, was never supposed to be this excruciating. Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan, and now you were paying the price.

It started almost a year ago. May 24th, an unassuming Wednesday afternoon. You’d been on your way home when you fell victim to a villain attack. However, the whole thing lasted hardly any time at all as Pro Hero Dynamight was on the scene in seconds when he heard your panicked scream from just down the street.

Now, it wasn’t his usual protocol to give his number out to victims. But he was so overcome with your beauty and courage in the face of danger that when you asked him for those ten digits he couldn’t help but scribble them down on a scrap of paper you handed him. He hadn’t planned on responding to your messages that night either, yet he found himself doing so anyway. His fingers flew across his screen as he accepted your offer to buy him a coffee the next morning, and the rest is history.

Coffee dates turned into grand dinners, which then became late-night ramen runs to his favorite hole-in-the-wall stalls after spending the night together. His days off were spent in your company, and his closet eventually came to house a small portion of your wardrobe. His bed came to bear two divots instead of just one, and his shower now held more soaps and bath necessities than it ever had in the past.

He invited you into every part of his life, and you tried desperately not to get too attached, knowing it would only hurt more in the long run. But dammit he made it so hard.

Waking up to the feeling of his calloused fingertips running soothing circles at the base of your spine had become one of your favorite feelings in the world. The love he held for you was so apparent in that small action that it nearly broke your heart.

Nearly.

You still had a job to do, and the end date was fast approaching whether you wanted it to or not. The day would come that all of this would come to an abrupt halt, and you’d have to move on with your life as if nothing had happened in the first place, hoping you’d made the right decision and that you could live with yourself after it happened.

But that was for future you to deal with. Right now, you let yourself bask in this soporific atmosphere. Took in the light that spilled through the crack in the curtains. Shifted your feet slightly as you readjusted atop your lover, legs tangled in the soft sheets. His chest rose and fell with the calm tempo of his breath as his heart pumped steadily within it, drumming a beat that you wished would never end.

But the nagging voice in the back of your head reminded you that if all went according to plan that beat would be cut short all too soon.

You adjusted slightly above him, positioning yourself against his bare skin so you could access the thick column of his throat. You placed delicate kisses on the skin there, glossing over the marks blooming from the night before. They’d last a few days at least, and the thought made you grin before you realized they’d likely still be there when you had to…

No, this wasn’t the time to think of that. In a few hours, you’d be on a plane headed to a beautiful destination with your lover. You were going to have the best few days of your life, and you refused to let the future destroy those plans.

“Mornin’ cutie,” Katsuki rumbled, eyes still shut as he continued to trace along your back with all the ease of a man with a day off.

“G’morning love,” you mumbled against his skin. Your fingers delved into his soft, tangled hair as you nipped at his ear, pulling a breathy chuckle from his lips.

“You ready to head to paradise?”

You sighed, nodding. “Boy am I ever. A whole four days of just you, no hero work, no distractions?” You pulled back enough to look at his sleepy, beautiful face. He cracked one eye open to meet your gaze as you hesitated for a moment. “Sounds like a dream come true,” you whispered in awe.

A genuine smile caught the corners of his mouth and tugged, cracking open that all-too-stern expression and giving way to a happier one. An expression you found you could look at from dawn until dusk, one you saw in your dreams. That smile would come to haunt you, but in this moment it was everything you ever needed and more.

Suddenly, he was rolling you over and pressing your back into the mattress, his arms caging you in and his thick thighs framing yours. “You don’t think you’ll get sick of me, huh?” He murmured as he buried his face in your neck, lips brushing your skin ever so lightly. “Don’t think you’ll want some time to yourself?”

You could barely breathe, your head descending into the fog of lust as he slowly ground his – very conveniently—bare hips against yours. His length was already hardening, and the breath caught in your throat as you lifted your hands to run your fingers over his chest. You savored the feeling of his hard muscle, overlayed by countless scars and a dusting of chest hair that you found incredibly attractive.

“And miss out on all this?” You hummed, dragging your nails lightly from his shoulders down over his pecs before looping your arms under his and caressing his back, pulling him closer. “Why would I ever do that?”

“Haven’t you heard, baby?” He moved farther down your neck, his lips dusting over your collarbones as he continued. “I must be ‘brutish and savage in bed, a complete asshole of a partner.’ Because the tabloids know everything, after all.” He made it to the valley of your breasts, and you unhooked your arms from him before winding them through his hair once more.

“And who said I don’t like assholes, hmm?” Your back arched involuntarily as he pressed a particularly sweet kiss against your sternum, sending shivers up your spine.

He chuckled above you before shoving the duvet off the both of you with a huff and readjusting. He pulled each of your legs up one at a time, kissing from your knee up the inside of your thigh before switching to the other with a shit-eating grin at your needy whine. Before he reached your core after the second leg, he grabbed a pillow and eased both of your legs over his shoulders. He then slid the pillow beneath your hips and settled down on his elbows and stared at the scene before him. He had a look similar to reverence in his eyes as his hands soothed over your hips and stomach, and it had your heart fluttering in your chest.

“Why’re you looking at me like that,” you mumbled, trying not to sound too needy or embarrassed, but knowing you didn’t succeed at either.

“Just taking in the meal before I dig in.” His voice sent a thrill through you, and you didn’t even mind the use of a cheesy line when he said it like that – with such intensity and love that it made you want to melt into a puddle before he had even started.

But then he began, and digging in could hardly explain what he was doing to you. He savored you, taking his time working you up with languid swirls and strokes of his tongue. He switched between stimulating your clit and delving as deep into your depths as possible. When you got too used to one method he would jump back over to the other to keep you on your toes, which were currently curled as your heels dug into his back.

The breaking point was after he slipped two fingers into you, easing them in and out of your slick hole as his tongue worked on that sweet bundle at the apex of your thighs. Your grip on his hair had him moaning against your aching sex, and with one strategic curl of his fingers, he had you crumbling. Had you been standing your legs would have given out completely. The sound he ripped out of you was primal, almost animalistic, and as he worked you through your orgasm you saw your life with this man play out on the backs of your eyelids.

You’d get married in the next few years, and have a kid or two. He would continue with his hero work but would cut back on it a bit to be there for his family. You would put your children through all of the best schools, and make sure they got the best educations possible, so they’d have the opportunity to be whatever they wanted when they grew up. Katsuki would eventually retire, and once your children were all grown up and moved out you’d go somewhere magical, maybe even travel the world together.

But as the euphoria left your veins and Katsuki moved to hover over you, your essence glistening on his lips and chin, you reminded yourself to stay in this moment. To not get too far ahead of yourself. That would only bring more pain. And right now, you were about to get your brains fucked out.

As the two of you sat together on the private jet later that day, Katsuki’s hand rested on your bare thigh, his thumb stroking the soft skin there as he skimmed through a few work files with the other hand.

“Hey, I thought you said no work on vacation. Didn’t your sidekicks even yell at you to take a break?” You huffed, leaning your head against his shoulder with a pout on your lips.

He chuckled, squeezing the meat of your thigh lightly. “I said no work on vacation. I never said anything about on the way to vacation.” He pressed a kiss to your hair before returning to the documents. “Besides, what else is there to do to pass the time? It’s not like we can throw a party with just the two of us.”

You sighed, relegating yourself to spending so much of your remaining time with the man of your dreams watching him read through reports before the most obvious solution came to mind.

“Well,” you started, rising from your seat, and easing the tray above his lap off to the side as you stepped in front of him. “It might not be a party, but as you said, it’s just the two of us…” Thankfully the two of you had been seated on a couch along the side of the cabin, so there was ample room to place your knees on either side of his thighs. You pulled up your thin, flowy dress enough that it wasn’t caught beneath you as you settled on his lap, knees folded beneath you. Your hands found the sides of his face as you stroked at his cheeks, smoothing out his scowl lines as you gave him a soft, flirty smile.

“Besides, I heard there’s some club you get to join? The sky-high club – something like that…”

He placed his hands loosely on your waist, tilting his head slightly to look at you with hooded eyes and an emerging smirk. “The mile-high club, you mean?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, letting the word slide off your glossed lips like honey. “That one. Never done it before. Wanted to do it with you on that last flight, but it was too crowded. What better time than now when we have the whole plane to ourselves?” As you spoke, you ground your hips against his ever so slowly. The friction wasn’t enough to do much, just enough to try to convince him to follow up.

“Baby,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “I wanted to get this shit done before we landed so I didn’t have to worry about anything while we’re there…”

“That’s okay, I can sit still,” you shrugged. “Just… need you so bad.” Your glossy pout was working its magic, grinding him down until he couldn’t say no and gave you whatever you wanted. And right now, that was him. Inside you. For as long as he would allow, or until one of you broke. Whichever came first.

He raised a brow, looking at you skeptically. “You seriously think you can do it?” He lowered his voice, gripping your chin and tugging you closer until you could feel his minty breath on your cheeks. “Remember last time, when you wouldn’t listen, and I had to discipline you? And over my desk too,” he tsked, shaking his head in disappointment.

You shook your own in response. “No, I promise. I can do it. I just need you so bad,” you begged, your hands slipping down to grip the fabric of his shirt.

“You really think you’ll last? I mean, we still have…” He looked down to check his watch for the time. “Two and a half hours. You think you can make it two whole hours? If you can, you get to do whatever you want for the last half hour. But if not, that thirty minutes will be punishment. You up for it?”

You nodded vigorously, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from squirming in excitement. “I can, I promise. Just need you, please.”

He stared at you heatedly for a moment, one brow raised in a look that would have weaker women on their knees. But as you sat there with that pleading look in your eyes, he caved and nodded. “Alright then,” he huffed, as if this wasn’t something he was going to enjoy immensely as well.

With that, you excitedly reached down to tug down the front of his joggers, finding a bulge there already and grinning in excitement. As you eased out his cock, you found it flushed and leaking, already prepared to impale you. It sent a rush of heat through you, and you resisted the urge to lick your lips at the sight of it.

Standing briefly, you rid yourself of your lacy panties, the ones Kats had insisted you wear, simply for ease and comfort. Returning to your spot on his lap, you took him in your hand and guided his cock to your cunt. You were already soaked, the banter and anticipation getting to you more than you’d anticipated. You ran him through your folds a few times to coat his length in your essence, and you tried to keep from grinning at his little sighs of pleasure and the way his hands tightened their grip on your hips.

When you were satisfied, you raised on your knees and aligned his tip with your entrance before looking him in the eye and impaling yourself on his thick cock. You moved so slowly it made your thighs burn, but the way his eyelids fluttered, and his brows knit together at the feeling was more than worth it. Inch by glorious inch, he disappeared into your silky depths. That full feeling that you always craved was so satisfying you could cry, but you couldn’t give him that satisfaction. At least not this early into it.

As you came to rest back on his thighs, you found it a little hard to breathe. You felt so stuffed you could hardly think, much less form coherent sentences. He was nestled so deep inside of you that you could nearly feel him in your throat, the head of his dick pressed snuggly against your cervix. So, you were grateful when he took your chin in his fingers and tugged you forward to press a soft, chaste kiss to your lips before tucking you against his chest.

As he moved to retrieve the documents on the tray you’d moved earlier, you readjusted, moving so your legs were slightly more comfortable and your dress wasn’t pulled tight beneath you. His hand was seemingly faster than a bullet as it came down on your plush ass, the sound loud and abrupt in the quiet space of the cabin. Even with the covering of your dress it still stung like a bitch, but the moan that spilled from your throat was undeniably one of pleasure.

“I thought I said no moving,” he growled in your ear.

“I-I was ju-” you choked out, breath coming in short gasps as you tried to regain the ability to speak clearly. After swallowing and taking a few deep breaths you finally got the words out. “Was just getting comfy,” you whimpered meekly, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Didn’t mean to squirm so much, ‘m sorry.”

He sighed before the same hand which had inflicted the pain came to soothe it. “Alright, I’m sorry. Thought you were trying to pull one over on me. Just… warn me next time. And let me know if your legs fall asleep, okay? We can readjust if you need.” There was genuine care in his voice, and it nearly brought tears to your eyes as his hand stroked over your throbbing skin.

As you nodded, he retrieved the documents from earlier and returned to reading them. You, on the other hand, had only him to entertain you. But that was more than enough, as you soaked in the feeling of him against you, inside you, wrapped all around you and engulfing you in his scent and his presence. This man had truly become your entire world in less than a year, and that should scare you more than it did, especially knowing what was to come.

But as his warmth and love enveloped you, there wasn’t enough room for all of the worry and doubt, so you cast it aside in favor of soaking him in instead.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 The fading sunlight shone through the leaves of the thick foliage as you stood on the balcony of your treehouse escape. It was a cozy place, an A-frame cottage held aloft in the trees near the shore of a small river, but it was secluded and comfortable. And the best part was that it was all the way over in Washington state, where no one knew who the two of you were. Here you could just be normal people instead of getting swarmed by paparazzi wherever you went. Thankfully both of you had a good grasp of the English language, so everything thus far had gone smoothly. You were just happy to be away from all the chaos of the daily hero life back home.

But could you actually call it that? Home? Surely it had begun to feel that way. But given everything that would transpire in the coming days you weren’t sure you deserved to use that term.

Again, you tried to push those thoughts out of your mind and remain in the current moment. The air was crisp here, and the sky shone with emerging stars and the fading glow of twilight as you sipped on your glass of wine. With a sigh you turned around to face inside, where you could see Katsuki standing with his back to you as he cooked dinner for the two of you. The sight of him nearly brought tears to your eyes. To see him so raw, so unguarded and pure, made you want to forgo everything you’d been directed to do and run away with him. But you knew they’d only send someone even worse to finish the job.

At least you would make it as painless as possible.

Throwing back the rest of your wine in the futile hope that it would give you the courage to face him, you pushed off the balcony rail and headed back inside. The tiny living space was warmly lit with a plush couch, a small kitchen, and a quaint dining area. There was a metal spiral staircase leading up to the second floor, which only extended over the kitchen, leaving the space over the living area wide open. The entire wall facing the river was glass, providing an unimpeded view of the forest beyond. Upstairs was a simple area, with just a king-sized bed and huge skylights opening up to reveal the night sky above you. It was gorgeous.

The perfect place to kill your lover, you thought sadly. It was quiet and remote, a ten-minute drive from the next closest home and a twenty-minute drive from the closest town. There would be ample time to dispose of his body and clean the crime scene before anyone suspected anything, and you’d easily be able to disappear into a new country where you’d form a new identity and escape the bonds of the organization you’d been forced to serve since you were a child.

You only wished you’d be able to take him with you.

“Whatcha cookin’?” Your voice was soft in the wooded structure, the natural materials and fabrics everywhere absorbing any echo that may occur.

“Just some ramen, nothing special. Didn’t have time to get much from the store, so we’ll have to go tomorrow and do some shopping.” He sounded so at ease at the stove, and you couldn’t help but step behind him and wrap your arms around his slim waist. You pressed your lips to his spine between his shoulder blades, and he sighed gently, placing his free hand atop yours.

“I’m sure it’s gonna be delicious anyway,” you smiled, resting your forehead against his back, and closing your eyes. You would give anything in the world to live like this for the rest of your life.

“You like my food no matter what, babe. I’m starting to think you’re just saying that to stroke my ego,” he chuckled. The sound was warm as it bubbled out of his chest and brought a genuine smile to your lips.

“And have you get an even bigger head than you already have?” You teased, your fingers slipping beneath the grey t-shirt he wore to skim along his stomach. “If it gets much bigger you’ll be the most insufferable man alive. I mean, you’re already the number two hero for fuck’s sake.”

He let the spoon he was stirring with rest against the side of the pot and slowly turned around in your arms. Coming to face you, he slipped his hands beneath your ears to caress your face with his large, calloused hands. It always surprised you just how gentle those hands could be, that while they could do so much damage, they were also capable of such love, such soft touch.

“To hell with all that bullshit. All I need is you,” he replied carefully, almost shyly. “I’m nothing without you, Y/N. You keep me sane, keep me grounded. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

As you stared into those claret eyes you felt your chest tighten and your stomach tumble over itself. It wasn’t often that he shared his emotions so honestly, but every time he did it made you want to cry.

“Katsuki… I-”

He cut you off with a kiss on the forehead and a thumb brushing across your bottom lip. “I don’t think you fully get it. Every time I come home having been unable to save people, having been beaten within an inch of my life, and I get to see you there waiting for me? Waiting to love me and take care of me? There ain’t a single better feeling I’ve ever felt.” His lips brushed your forehead as he spoke, his fingers running across the skin of your jaw and neck and lips as if he didn’t know what else to do with them.

“Before you I had nothing. I’m pretty sure half my friends didn’t even really like me, the media was up my ass about every little thing I did, I hadn’t seen my family in years… My life fuckin’ sucked before I met you.” He pulled back just enough to look you in the eyes, and your heart cracked as you found tears in those burning eyes. “Then I saved you on the street that day, and everything started to get better. I know I suck at saying this stuff out loud, but you brought love into my life, and I can never fuckin’ thank you enough for that.”

Everything was quiet for a long moment as you simply looked at one another, drinking in the moment and the soft bubbling of the ramen and the chirping of the crickets outside. Your fingers clutched at the material of his shirt as you fought back your own tears.

“I don’t know what to say, Kats,” you murmured into the quiet.

He smiled slightly, leaning down to rest his forehead on yours. “That’s usually my role.”

You chuckled softly, closing your eyes, and reveling in the feeling of his hands against your skin, his breath on your cheeks. “I wish I could protect you too, Kats,” you whispered. “I wish I could keep all the bad things from you, but sometimes I feel so helpless… Like you’re the only one doing the work here.”

At this, he straightened and guided you into his chest. His arms enclosed you and his warmth seeped into your very being as he rested his cheek against your hair. “You do protect me though,” he replied after a moment of thought. “You give me the strength to keep fighting. You give me something to live for, and that’s enough to keep me from giving up. I’ve never felt stronger than when you came into my life.”

The tears which had been pooling in your eyes finally slipped past your lashes as you buried your face in his chest. His words had you rethinking everything you’d been directed to do, had you second guessing whether you’d really be able to carry through with it. In that moment you didn’t think you could. He had wormed his way into the heart you had once thought to be dead and had brought you back to life. As much as you had tried to keep that from happening he had somehow slipped past the guard you had so meticulously built over the course of your life to keep anyone and everyone from seeing what was inside. From seeing just how broken you really were.

But he had seen that chaos and ruin inside of you and started to rebuild you. He hadn’t shied away like so many others, but instead worked with you to improve and heal. Because he had a great deal of healing to do as well, so the mutual understanding you formed helped both of you.

“I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you breathed into his chest, keeping your words just audible and allowing them to be muffled in his chest as you cried into it. His arms tightened around you as he kissed your head.

“You’ve got me, love. Until death do us part, or whatever the saying is. Besides, I’m not going anywhere anyway.”

You allowed yourself to keep crying, mourning the man you had come to love as you finally let it settle in that in a few days he’d no longer be there to comfort you. And the worst part was that he had no idea that his words hit so close to home.

The last three days had been absolutely magical. Spending so much quality alone time with Katsuki was like living a dream. You spent that time hiking, tasting local cuisine, lounging together, and of course, fucking like animals. He’d taken you on practically every surface in the house, and even convinced you to skinny dip with him in the jacuzzi outside, promising that the property was secluded enough that no one would see. That of course turned into a passionate few rounds of heated sex.

It was the final night the two of you had together, having rented the property until tomorrow afternoon, and you planned on taking advantage of every second you had left. He currently had you on your knees as he languidly thrust into you from behind. Your cries and moans were muffled by the mattress, and he kissed and bit at the back of your neck as he murmured such sweet words into your ear.

“Ah, fuck baby. Still so tight for me even after all this,” he growled lowly. His left hand gripped the meat of your hip as the right held your hair off to the side to expose your face and neck. “God, you were fuckin made for me.”

“Kats, need m-more,” you whined, your fingers tangling in the sheets. His thrusts were slow but powerful, and each one hit so deep you rapidly lost the ability to think coherently.

“Yeah? You need more, you greedy little thing? Tell me what you need. Can’t give you more if you don’t tell me.” He bit at your shoulder, sucking what you were sure was a deep purple mark as you tried to gather your scattered thoughts.

“Harder,” you pleaded. “F-faster. Please!”

His moan had a thrill running through you from head to toe. “Fuck baby, that what you want? Want me to fuck you into the mattress?”

“Yes! Please, need you so bad!”

He gave a particularly harsh thrust before stilling deep inside you. You whined at the loss of friction, but his fingers snaked around your hip to find your clit, where it started applying such sweet pressure.

“I don’t know sweetheart, I’m getting a little tired,” he murmured into your ear. “Kinda wanna see you put in a bit of effort, know what I mean?”

You groaned, feeling yourself rapidly falling down the hill of pleasure he had so tentatively built up. “Just need you, Kats, I’ll do anything.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki’s voice was playful as he released your hair and wrapped his right arm firmly across your chest. He then rolled to the right and switched positions, placing you atop him before coming to grip your hips, which were still impaled on his thick cock. “Then show me, pretty girl. Show me how bad you want it.”

You moved to turn around to face him, but his hands tightened on your waist, hindering your movement. “Wanna see you, Kats,” you cried, looking back at him.

He had a sly smile on those kiss-swollen lips that had your stomach churning. “But I wanna watch you like this. Just for a bit at least. C’mon baby, you’re a big girl. You can hold out a little longer, can’t you?” His tone was taunting, almost like he wanted you to fight him on it to see what he would do. But your nerves steeled at his words, and you narrowed your eyes.

“Fine, be that way,” you hissed, turning back around, and placing your hands on his thighs. “I’ll do it myself then.” You began grinding your hips against his, your fingers digging into the firm muscle of his legs. They were so thick you could barely fit a hand across the top of them, and the thought of grinding against them was almost tempting enough to leave his cock behind.

But not quite enough.

You slowly raised yourself onto your knees before dropping back down quickly, repeating the process over and over as your fingers found your clit and started working it. As good as Katsuki was with the little bundle of nerves, you knew your body better than anyone, knew which patterns and how much pressure would work yourself up the fastest. So, the added stimulation of his cock impaling you and his hands working the fat of your ass and hips had you falling into the throes of pleasure faster than usual.

As your head fell back, your mouth hanging open in a silent moan, Katsuki threaded his thick, calloused fingers through your hair and tugged. Your back arched as your free hand flew back to support yourself on his solid stomach. He began thrusting up into you, his movements matching yours and coaxing you to move faster and faster. The loud squelching of arousal mixed with your breathy moans and his deep growls to create a symphony of debauchery that had your head spinning and your chest heaving.  

You drew closer and closer to the edge of pleasure as he thrust ever more vigorously into your silky, creamy depths, and you were growing louder by the second. His knees came up as he gave himself more leverage to pound into you even harder, and you were falling apart in his arms before he knew it.

You nearly screamed at the shattering of the dam inside you, pleasure washing over you like a tsunami as he continued pumping in and out of you. You faintly registered his words as he coaxed you through your release.

“Fuck yeah baby, let it all out,” he groaned. “Shit, that pussy’s gonna squeeze the life outta me.”

Your legs had turned to jelly, but you tried your best to match his movements as he chased his own high. You could tell by the tension in his stomach and the shortness of his breath that he was getting close. But the growing overstimulation had you crying atop him as he pounded into you from below, his hands both firmly grasping your hips to help you bounce on his cock like a pliant little fuck toy.

“Goddammit, so fuckin close,” he cried, your moans and pleas driving him ever closer to the breaking point.

“I fucking love you, Bakugou Katsuki!” You couldn’t hold back the words even as your nerves were overwhelming you with painful pleasure, even as his fingers dug into your flesh and your insides burned with his passion.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. In a rush of pleasure and adoration, he fell off the cliff and into the depths of hedonism. Like a floodgate being opened you were filled with heat, his hips stilling beneath you as a loud, beautiful moan tore out of his chest. You wished you could see his face, but you were too overwhelmed to even think about looking behind you.

Easing his length in and out of your leaking cunt a few more times to draw out his climax, his hands ran over your hips and bottom. They warmed slightly with his quirk to soothe the forming and past bruises there as you both heaved for air.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he huffed, easing you down against his chest. Your skin stuck together with a sheen of sweat, but you couldn’t care less. You simply basked in the feeling of his arms around you and his chest moving beneath you and his heart racing against your ribcage.

“Fuck indeed,” you breathed, reaching behind you to thread your fingers through his damp hair. He sighed heavily at the feeling, his chest lifting you and easing you back down.

“I could die right now a happy man,” he chuckled, his hands roaming your chest and stomach and hips.

His words had your heart dropping in your chest. Did he know? Was he aware of your plans, your mission? Did he figure out that you had been tasked to get close to him so you could assassinate him and rid the world of the shining light he cast in hopes of snuffing out the shadows of villainy?

But how could he? You had never said anything, were a trained assassin, had been taught everything there was to know about stealth, misdirection, infiltration, all of that. And you’d been trained since the age of 6 when you’d been found abandoned on the streets by one of the worst criminal organizations in Japan. The whole situation which led to your “chance meeting” had been a ploy strategically executed where he’d been patrolling that day. Your quirk, “Comply,” had been perfect for this mission because it helped you convince him to give you his number, to let you into his life. But you’d stopped using it months ago when you realized he might truly like you, maybe even love you.

And that’s the part that hurt the most.

Both of your feelings had become genuine, and now you were about to betray that love, that trust, and kill him. And it had to be done tonight. There wasn’t much time left, despite wishing you’d had more of it. But as you’d told yourself so many times before, if you didn’t do it someone else would. And they would make it much worse for him than you would.

“Don’t say that Kats. You don’t know what that means,” you pleaded softly. You tried to focus on the feeling of his softening cock inside you, tried to get your mind to shift to any topic but this as you prayed he would drop the subject. But to no avail.

“But I would. If it meant keeping you safe I would take a bullet to the heart,” he whispered into your ear, placing soft kisses on the shell of it.

You reluctantly rolled off his chest and onto the sheets beside him, resting on your elbows as you looked at him. “Don’t make me think about that, please.” Your eyebrows came together as you begged him to stop, and he looked at you with wide eyes, surprised at your response.

“Y/N, I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he tried to comfort you, easing onto his side, and placing his hand on the back of your head. “But I would still do everything in my power to protect you, you know that, right?”

You nodded sadly, looking down at your hands. “I know you would,” you mumbled. And that’s the problem, you added in your head. Taking a breath, you shook your head slightly to try and clear it. “It’s fine. Let’s just not talk about you dying, yeah?” You looked at him once more, and he nodded with a small smile. “Ok, good. Now I’m gonna go shower and make us some tea.”

“You want me to join you?” Katsuki raised one brow suggestively as the hand he had on the back of your hand traveled downward along your spine, eventually making its way to pinch your ass. You flinched slightly before huffing and pushing back onto your knees out of his reach.

“No dummy, we just went 3 rounds. My poor vagina needs a break. Plus, if you do that we’ll never get out. I wanna watch a movie or something before we have to leave tomorrow. We never get to do that.”

He sighed, “Yeah, guess you’re not wrong. I’ll take one after you.”

You nodded before scrunching your nose playfully. “Good, because you’re stinky. Don’t wanna cuddle with you till you smell good.”

He looked like he wanted to shoot back with a snarky comment, but you scrambled off the bed and clambered down the stairs before he could do that. Heading to the small bathroom, you turned on the shower and looked at yourself in the mirror above the sink. Your hair was a mess, and your neck, shoulders, and chest were all covered in bite marks and hickeys. You ran your fingers over them, noting their positions as they were likely the last ones you’d ever receive. You weren’t sure you’d ever be able to love after Katsuki. You weren’t even sure you’d want to.

Looking down at your hips, you found his fingers had left behind small bruises from how hard he had loved on you, and you found yourself smiling sadly at them. As you stepped into the shower, you let your hand roam between your legs, finding the entire area wet and sticky with a mixture of both of your cum. The fluid was milky and thick, and you couldn’t help but place one finger on your tongue and suck it clean before the water washed away the rest of it. It was salty, the aftertaste earthy and heady.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, you tried to rid your mind of your love and adoration for this man and tried to focus on the task at hand. You started by cleaning yourself, moving through your shower routine almost robotically. You couldn’t think of all the showers you’d taken with Katsuki in the past, couldn’t remember the feeling of his fingers against your scalp as he helped wash your hair, or how he would drag your loofa across your skin and down between your legs in the aftermath of a hot round of sex. If you thought about those things you would lose the nerve to go through with your plan and would lose this prime opportunity.

Turning off the water, you stepped out onto the warm wooden floor and wrapped yourself in a fluffy towel. You didn’t clear the mirror of fog as you normally would because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of yourself right now. Instead, you just dried yourself off and slid into the silk camisole and shorts you’d brought with you. Opening the door, you turned toward the kitchen and found Katsuki in his full naked glory standing at the counter with a pot on the stove, making what you assumed to be popcorn.

“Makin’ snacks for our movie?” You asked, even though you knew the answer.

He nodded, watching as you found the kettle and filled it with enough water for two cups of tea. “Well you can’t have a movie night without popcorn, idiot,” he replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I can finish it,” you gestured toward the pot handle. “You can go shower. It’ll be ready by the time you’re done.” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t use a hint of your quirk there, needing him to be in the shower so you could prepare for what was to come.

“Ok, just make sure you don’t burn it,” he smiled, grabbing the sweats and tee he had brought down with him.

“I won’t burn it you doof,” you rolled your eyes and took the handle he offered you. “Go shower so you don’t stink anymore.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” he groaned, putting his hands up in surrender. He chuckled as he made his way to the bathroom, however, he stopped outside the door to turn and look at you with a sly grin on his lips. “You should order me around more. It’s kinda hot.”

You felt your cheeks warm at his words and looked down at the pot in front of you. He laughed at that, and made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. As you heard the water turn on, you waited a few moments until you were sure he’d gotten in before making your move. Using all the stealth you’d learned over your years of working for villain organizations you made your way upstairs. Since you’d been here for a few days you knew where the stairs and floor were creaky, so you carefully avoided those areas.

Picking your way over to your bag, you reached into an inside pocket where you had a bottle that held pain relief pills. Pouring them into your hand, you searched for the one that looked different, just slightly off-white compared to the white pain relief pills. Making your way quickly back downstairs as the popcorn began popping, you retrieved two mugs from the cupboard and dropped the tablet in the left mug.

The water was just coming to a boil as you placed the tea bags in each mug. Shaking the popcorn pot once more, you filled both mugs, starting with the left one to give the tablet ample time to dissolve. It was a neurotoxin that was colorless, tasteless, and odorless. Mixed with the tea, it would kill him within minutes. That would give you enough time to hopefully explain the situation and get the guilt off your chest, at least as much as possible. It would always be there, and you’d simply have to live with that.

Pouring out some of the popcorn into a large bowl, you recovered it and placed it back on the stove to let the rest of it pop. Your heartbeat was slowly increasing as you stirred the teas, watching as the tablet dissolved and mixed with the hot beverage. As the water turned off in the bathroom, you poured out the rest of the popcorn, took a deep breath, and placed the pot in the sink.

You heard the door open a few minutes later to reveal a freshly cleaned Bakugou Katsuki as he rubbed at his hair to dry it. The strands were soft and damp beneath the towel, and you wanted nothing more than to run your fingers through them and kiss him silly. He looked so at peace in his light grey sweats and t-shirt, and if you ignored what you were about to do to him you could imagine you really were just about to sit down and have a nice movie night together.

“It doesn’t smell like burnt popcorn,” he chuckled as he stepped beside you and looked at the white snack. “I’d say that’s a win.”

“Katsu, that was one time,” you whined, putting your hand on his face, and pushing him away playfully.

He laughed heartily, grabbing you by the wrist and gently pulling you against him. “Babe, you almost caught the whole kitchen on fire. There’s a reason I’m the one who does most of the cooking.”

“I do some of it,” you huffed, pouting dramatically. “And I haven’t caught anything on fire since then.”

He shook his head, still grinning. “No, I suppose you haven’t. Still doesn’t mean you’re a master in the kitchen though.”

“Yeah, well, I’m better than I used to be so that’s something.” You shrugged against his chest.

“It is, I’ll give you that. You’re a very good sous chef.”

Sighing, you pulled back enough to look up at him. “Okay. Here’s the big question: what should we watch?”

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he leaned back against the counter, his hands coming to rest on your hips. “I don’t know, you got anything in mind?”

You pretended to think, already knowing your answer. “Not sure… What’s your favorite movie ever? You’re into sappy romance shit, right?”

Katsuki scoffed, brows nearly meeting in the middle as he scowled at you. “N-No, where would you get that idea?”

“That right there would be my answer,” you grinned, noting his stutter. “So, what’s your fave? The Notebook? Titanic?”

He growled, eyes looking anywhere but your own as his cheeks glowed a faint, lovely shade of pink. “None of that shit, idiot,” he grumbled. “It- it’s Totoro…” The final words were nearly too quiet to hear, but you caught them, nonetheless.

“My Neighbor Totoro?” You clarified, and he nodded shallowly. “Well, that’s great, because that’s my comfort movie. So, we’re watching that.”

He sighed, leaning his head back in mock defeat. “If you insist,” he groaned dramatically. A chuckle slipped from your lips, which you briefly pressed against the pulse beating in his neck, savoring the feel of it while you still could.

“I do. Now let’s go get cozy and watch that shit.” You reached behind him to grab the bowl of popcorn and took him by the hand, half dragging and half guiding him toward the couch. You purposely left the mugs of tea on the counter, hoping to get just a little more time with him before the end.

As you placed the bowl on the coffee table, he flopped onto the couch, making sure to take up as much room as possible as a shit-eating grin spread across his face. As you turned to sit, you placed your hands on your hips and tried your best to look annoyed as a smile tugged at the corners of your own mouth.

“And where am I supposed to sit?”

He spread his arms and made grabby hands, a gesture he only made once in a blue moon when he was feeling particularly domestic. “Right here, obviously.”

With a playful huff, you climbed aboard, straddling his hips as you settled atop his chest. It took some adjusting, as the piece of furniture wasn’t all that big, but eventually you found a comfortable position where no limbs should fall asleep, and you were nestled squarely in his arms. He had even managed to spread a blanket over the both of you.

“You’re my very own weighted blanket,” he chuckled as you used the remote to search for the movie.

“And you’re my own personal space heater, so I guess we’re even,” you retorted, poking him in the cheek. You selected the movie and placed the remote on the table before you, realizing that the popcorn you had made was somewhat inaccessible due to the position the two of you were in. You decided to leave it there in favor of spending the remainder of your time with Katsuki tangled up together. You couldn’t be bothered to worry about the white snack when he was so all-encompassing anyway.

“Shush, dumbass. The movie is starting,” he quipped, hand coming up to flick you on the tip of the nose. You playfully huffed and swatted at his hand, before returning your own to rest atop his shoulder. He was right, though. The opening scene played, and you hummed along to the song that introduced the movie.

As it played out before you, it took everything in you to not cry. Knowing this was the last bit of time you’d be spending with him had a sense of finality to it that you wished you never had to feel in the first place. As his fingers eased their way beneath your silken shirt, he ran them across your skin at a pace that would have anyone else falling asleep in his arms. But your current predicament had your nerves on fire and your mind racing, even as one of the most calming movies you’d ever seen played out before you.

Very few words were spoken as you reveled in each other’s presence. You weren’t sure you’d even be able to form words as the lump in your throat grew nearly unbearable. You could hardly breathe, and you knew that at any point you could break down in tears. Nevertheless, you had to stay strong-willed and determined. This had to be done tonight, by you, or it would just be so much worse for both of you.

“I love you, Katsuki. You know that, right?” You mumbled the words against Katsuki’s chest as the movie neared its conclusion.

“Course I do, little one.” His voice was soft as one of his hands came to rest on the back of your hair.

“No, like I really love you. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, and I am terrified of the day I lose you. Whether that’s tomorrow or fifty years from now. It’s going to be the worst day of my life.”

He sighed, drawn out and thoughtful. His fingernails ran gently over your scalp, and you allowed your eyes to fall shut at the feeling. “What’s got your mind going to such a dark place, baby?”

You were silent for a moment, hoping to make it a bit closer to the end of the movie before starting to give anything away in the slightest. After all, he hadn’t ingested any of the neurotoxin yet, so you couldn’t raise any suspicions yet.

“I don’t know, I just get really worried sometimes when I see you on the news fighting all these shitty villains. Even though I know you’re stronger than them, I can never stop wondering if one of these days someone is going to get the upper hand and seriously hurt you.” You gripped the material of his shirt as you whispered the next words. “Or even kill you. I would fall apart. Sometimes the thought makes my chest hurt so bad I have to go somewhere quiet and just cry.” Your words weren’t a lie, but you couldn’t tell him that you were going to be the person about to get said upper hand.

Katsuki took in your words seriously, letting them sink in as the end credits began to roll. You could practically hear the gears in his head whizzing as he formulated some kind of answer that might ease your worries. But that was a difficult thing to do when you loved someone as much as you loved each other, and one member of the relationship was constantly putting themselves in danger’s way for their career.

“Do you believe in me?”

His response made you pause. Of course, you believed in him. You knew that this man could do anything he put his brilliant mind to. He could solve any problem, defeat any villain, save any person he wanted to. But what would he do against a poison that would kill him within minutes in such a remote place? The antidote would be nowhere near close enough to save him in time as you had brought none with you. So, while you believed in him in every other situation imaginable, you couldn’t say you did in this particular instance.

“Of course I do,” you murmured.

The hand which had been running along the length of your spine came to ease your head up to face him, your chin resting against his collarbone. Tears had begun to sting your eyes as you looked at his own determined ones.

“Then I need you to trust that I will always come back for you,” he stated, his tone indicating that he took those words as a fact. Those words weren’t just a flimsy promise, but an oath. And that was what had your tears falling yet again. They slipped from the corners of your glassy eyes and cascaded down your cheeks, only to be brushed away by careful, comforting fingers.

“But what about the day that you don’t? What do I do then? Where will blind faith get me when I’m standing here alone without you?” Your bottom lip trembled as you whispered your fears into the quiet between you. “You are my compass, Katsuki. I’m lost without you.”

“Y/N, even after I’m dead and gone I will still be with you. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m too much of a stubborn bastard to let something as trivial as death separate us, right?” He tried to sound upbeat, obviously eager to get off the topic of his inevitable fate but still hoping to ease your worries.

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you let him wipe the last of your tears away. “Yeah, sounds like you.”

“And here you are doubting my resolve like a damn idiot,” he grinned softly. “Why don’t we go grab some fresh tea and we can head up and read or cuddle before bed, yeah?”

You nodded, trying to ignore the way your stomach dropped at the reminder of the tea. “Yeah, that sounds nice. ‘Bout time we get off this tiny damn couch.”

He chuckled, easing the blanket off your body, and helping you maneuver off his chest and onto solid ground. As you stretched your arms above your head to get the blood flowing once more, he reached over to place a playful smack on the exposed skin of your ass. Whipping around to give a halfhearted glare, you were greeted with the sight of a sly grin and adoring eyes as he tucked his hands behind his head and crossed his legs against the arm of the couch.

“Just admiring the view, babe. Can’t go around lookin’ like that and expect me to keep my hands to myself the whole time.”

Rolling your eyes, you fought a smile as you made your way to the counter. Now came the moment of truth. You’d thought over how you would approach getting him to drink the tea throughout the entire movie and had come up with what you hoped was a decent plan. You opened the microwave door and picked up both mugs, placing them on the glass dish inside. You placed his with the handle facing the wall of the device while the handle of yours pointed toward the center of the dish. That way, even if they were in a different position when the timer went off you’d still be able to tell which was which.

“No, no, no. What the hell are you doing, dumbass?” He called from the couch as he sat up. You turned to grin at him.

“I figured that while in America we should do as the Americans, just once. I want to see how it turns out,” you giggled. “I’ve seen people trying it on TikTok and I wanted to do it myself. And I’m making you do it with me.”

Katsuki scoffed, nose scrunching up at the thought. “The thought that you’re about to microwave that shit when you could make a perfectly good cup in five minutes is repulsive.” He grunted softly as he stood, following your lead, and stretching languidly. As he did, his shirt rose and exposed how dangerously low riding his sweats were. The dark trail of hair disappearing beneath them had your mouth watering, clouding your mind briefly before he dropped his arms, and you snapped back to reality.

Turning back to the microwave, you shut the door and set it for a minute before hitting start. That should be enough time to get the liquid piping hot, enough to get him to wait until you were upstairs to drink it. Though Katsuki was notorious for drinking his beverages at a much higher temperature than the average person, so you planned to carry it upstairs yourself anyway.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans, right?” As the plate started spinning you kept your grip on the door handle, needing to hold onto something to keep your balance. Your head was swimming as the reality of your situation truly sank in. You were really about to assassinate not just your lover, but the number two hero in all of Japan. A man who was supposed to be invincible, untouchable.

And he had absolutely no idea, so far as you knew.

There was a haziness to your mind from then on as you forced yourself into the headspace of the assassin you were by trade. That would be the only way you could get through this without coming clean and dooming you both. You had to block out any feelings that may slip in and compromise the mission.

Your stupor was shattered by the sharp stabs of the microwave timer, and you almost robotically opened the door and pulled out the mugs. Katsuki had made his way over to the base of the stairs and waited patiently as you padded over to join him. He made no move to take his cup from your hand, just allowed you to go up first with a steadying hand placed lightly on your hip.

Making your way over to his side of the bed, you placed his mug down on the polished hardwood side table and moved to your own side. He climbed onto the mattress, which he had hastily covered with the duvet after you’d gone to shower. There was a throw blanket on the floor which you picked up and tossed at him playfully, aiming right at his face. You had to keep this as normal as possible so he wouldn’t suspect anything.

“Hey, watch it brat,” he huffed, pulling the fabric from his head and grinning at you. You found a similar expression spreading over your own features as you put down your own mug and leaped on top of him. A grunt escaped his lungs at the impact, and you went as limp as possible in an attempt to hold him down.

That grunt was followed by a low, rumbling laugh as he threw the blanket over you, rolling you up like a burrito and trapping you beneath his body. The entire time you found yourself giggling uncontrollably, reverting to a natural, lovesick state of mind for what might be the last time. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape, but he simply straddled your hips with his powerful legs and framed your head with his arms, staring down at you with glittering, mirthful eyes.

“This is what brats get, yeah?”

“Katsuki~” You groaned through your laughter. “You can’t just put me in a taco every time I annoy you!”

“Oh yes I can,” he shrugged, one brow lifting as he rocked back to sit on your thighs. His chest lowered to lay atop your own, and you huffed as he crossed his arms across your chest and rested his chin on them with that shit-eating grin. “I wish I could just wrap you up and put you in my pocket all the time, actually.”

You chuckled again, attempting to free one of your hands to no avail. “It would probably be gross and sweaty in there.” You feigned a look of disgust, at which he laughed once more.

“That’s probably not wrong, though you’d deserve it after being such a little shithead.”

“Yeah? Well…” you tried to think of a snarky retort but found yourself losing your train of thought as his eyes softened. “Well, you’re just a-a nerd, so ha!”

A puff of air made its way from his nose as he lifted his chin to allow one hand to come up and caress your face. “I thought you liked nerds,” he murmured, fingers running over your skin as you pouted slightly. “Means I’m smart right?”

“Well of course you’re smart, idiot. Doesn’t mean you’re not still a nerd. I mean, just look at your All Might shrine at home! That’s nerd behavior.”

Laughter shook through the both of you as Katsuki buried his face in your chest. It was genuine, from the heart. It was also one of your favorite sounds in the world, and you tried to savor it as it happened so rarely. Not to mention that this would be the last time you’d hear it.

“I guess you’re right on that one,” he choked out through his fits of delight. “It kinda is a shrine, ain’t it?”

His joy was contagious it seemed; you began to shake with your own laughter. “Yes, it absolutely is!”

As the two of you settled he raised his head once more to look you in the eye. His face was a fair shade of pink and the humor still sparkled in his expression as he raised himself enough to press a sweet kiss to your neck. Your giggles petered out soon after as his lips climbed the column of your throat, then across your jaw and up the other side of your face, following the path of your hairline. They smoothed out the slight line between your brows and trailed down the bridge of your nose, and all the while he murmured soft praises against your skin.

“I love you more than All Might any day of the week, sweetheart. You’re the most captivating, fascinating, quick-witted person I know. The best lover I’ve ever had. You’re my everything.”

His love swept over the apples of your cheeks; your eyes fluttered shut and you savored that love as it filled the cavity of your soon-to-be-empty chest. He paused, lips just a hairsbreadth away from yours as he seemed to think over his next statement.

“I hope you know that I will always love you.” The words were barely audible, yet they took all that warmth that had just spread throughout your body and crumpled it up into a cold, dead weight that settled into the pit of your stomach. As Katsuki’s lips made contact with yours, one hand coming to cradle your head as the other held him aloft, you felt tears prick at the backs of your eyes.

The kiss lasted but a moment, yet it left you breathless and dazed. He lifted himself from his position above you, moving off to the side to settle against the pillows. He watched with a small smile as you struggled to free yourself, with no help from him. As he waited, he reached over to pick up his cup, and you forced yourself back into that cold headspace as you prepared for the inevitable.

He waited, however, until you had escaped your fluffy binds and sat beside him, your mug in hand. You took a sip, finding the liquid still scalding against your tongue. He snickered as you flinched away from it, quickly breathing in and out through your mouth in an attempt to cool your scorched skin. You noticed from the corner of your eye as he took a big gulp of his tea, and you had to fight the voice screaming in the back of your mind to stop him. To warn him that it was going to be the end of him.

He slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side before taking another sip and resting the cup on his leg. “I mean, it’s certainly not as good as fresh tea, but it’s not as bad as I had expected,” he shrugged, referencing the fact that it had been microwaved.

“Heh, yeah, not wrong I guess.” You forced your lips to curl up at the corners as you took an actual sip of your beverage. There was silence for a long moment, the tension unlike anything you had ever experienced with the explosive man beside you, as you prepared to come clean. He took one more sip, and you took a deep breath.

Now or never.

“Katsuki, listen… I-”

“I know,” he cut you off gently, softly, as if he didn’t want to scare you off. Your head snapped up to look at him, only to find his blank gaze fixed on the tea in his hand. “I already know,” he stated once more as you looked at him with thinly veiled shock.

“W-what do you know? What are you talking about?” You knew you should play this incredibly safely just in case he wasn’t privy to the actual plan.

“I know that this tea is poisoned. I know you were sent to kill me. I know who you’re working for.” His voice was sad, almost regretful as he met your gaze. “I know everything.” You couldn’t speak for a long moment, simply staring at him with slowly widening eyes as he gave you a sad smile.

“How do you…” Your voice trailed off, your mouth going unbearably dry as you tried your best to wrap your head around what he was saying.

“I’ve only known for a few weeks. Intel came in about a group that was planning to kill me, your group. Word had it that they’d gotten an assassin to infiltrate my inner circle in order to take me out quietly, and I wracked my head for days trying to figure out who it could be. Every path I followed brought me to one person: you.” He leaned over to place his steaming mug on the table before licking his lips to remove any remaining liquid and returning to you. “You were the only person who had gotten close enough to have even the slightest chance of taking me out in the last couple years, the only new variable in my life that could have presented such a threat. And even though I didn’t want to believe it – fuck, I still don’t want to believe it – I knew in my heart that it was you…”

“Katsuki, I-” You choked on guilt and remorse over the knowledge that he knew. He had figured it out. You knew this man was brilliant, that he was the number two hero for a reason. You’d seen him in action more times than you could count at this point, and he never failed to amaze and impress you with both his physical and mental prowess. So, you weren’t sure why it was coming as such a surprise that he had figured this out.

“Y/N, it’s okay,” he whispered. His free hand reached over to loop under your legs, easing them across his lap so he cradled you close to his chest. “I get it. I understand why you had to do this. Your life was on the line, right?”

You felt all the tension in your body at that moment, your hands shaking slightly and your mind racing. “Yeah,” you croaked. “If I didn’t do it they were going to torture and kill me…”

He sighed softly, his hand running soothingly up and down your leg. “Kinda figured the bastards would do that. And was the plan the same for me too?”

You nodded silently, tucking your hands between both of your chests and curling into him. You were ashamed and slightly horrified that he had found out already. You were also dully angry at yourself for not realizing it sooner. Surely he had to have acted differently in the last few weeks, right? He’d have to be insane to just accept his death like that, especially having the status and influence that he had… He was the symbol of victory, after all. He couldn’t afford to lose; it would disrupt the whole society of Japan just like your gang wanted.

“Why are you just letting me kill you, Katsuki?” You had to know, the words slipping through your lips like the silk of your shirt through his fingers.

He was quiet for a moment, thinking over his response. “Do you remember what I told you earlier?” You tried to think back on what he could be referring to, but you were having trouble recalling anything but the current moment, so you shook your head. “I told you that if it meant keeping you safe I was willing to die for you. And I meant it. I knew that at some point you were going to have to do this, and I kinda figured it would happen sometime while we were here. It would give you the smallest chance of getting caught, and the highest chance of escape. It makes a lot of s-sense, really.” His voice faltered as he spoke, and your head snapped up to look at him.

His skin was growing sallow, and beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead. The poison was starting to kick in.

You quickly moved to straddle his lap, bringing your hands to cup his chin as the reality of the situation threatened to crush you into a million tiny shards. “I’m sorry, Katsuki,” you cried, tears once again forming in your eyes as his clammy fingers slipped under your shirt to caress the skin of your sides. “I just couldn’t let them torture you. I know how strong and capable you are, but no one who’s stood against them has survived. They would have killed you, or at least hurt you to the point that you’d be out of action for the rest of your life. Which I know for you might as well mean death. I just- I couldn’t let them do that…”

“I know baby, I know,” he murmured. There was a dull thump as his head fell back against the headboard and he fought to keep his eyes open. “I just need you to know that everything I felt for you was real, still is real. And I’m sure it may have just started as a mission for you, but I’m pretty sure-” He broke off to take a deep breath, swallowing dryly. “I’m pretty fuckin’ sure you loved me too by the end of it, right?”

You nodded vigorously, the tears breaking the confines of your eyelashes and flooding down your cheeks as you fought for air. “I absolutely did. I love you more than anything, Bakugou Katsuki. I was an orphan when they took me in, and I was raised as a killer. I never thought I’d find love, but then you saved me that day, and we went on that date, and I knew that I was fucked.”

He chuckled wryly, coaxing a similar sound from your own lips. “That was a setup, right?” You nodded slowly, hating to admit it even as he was dying. “And do you have a quirk?”

Again, you nodded. “It’s called Comply. But I only used it a couple times before everything became so natural that I had no need for it anymore… I could tell that I was going to be completely empty after I carried this out.” Your voice shook with emotion as you tried to make him out clearly through the blurriness of your tears.

He slowly, shakily raised a hand to your face and brushed his thumb under your eye, his touch weak compared to how firm it usually was when he swept away your tears. “Please don’t blame yourself, love,” he muttered, brows furrowing. “I know you didn’t choose this.”

A guttural sob ripped from your throat as you collapsed into him, burying your face in his shoulder, and wrapping your arms around his neck. One hand came to cushion the back of his head, your fingers threading through his hair as you tried to hold him back from the throes of oblivion. His skin was feverish and clammy as the toxin spread through his body, and you attempted to hide your sorrow, tried to let him go peacefully.

“All I ask is this,” he whispered. You lifted your head slowly, using the hand not supporting his head to scrub at your eyes so you could see him a bit more clearly before nodding. “Escape. Tell them the mission is done, do whatever you have to do after this to hide the evidence. But once that’s all done-” he took a ragged breath, eyes fluttering shut as he tried to stay conscious. “After that get the fuck outta here, got it?”

“G-got it,” you forced out. Your lips trembled as you fought back more tears, attempting to stay strong even as the man you loved was dying in your arms. “I promise.”

He nodded, smiling slightly. “Good. Those bastards can f-fuck off. They won’t be able t-to hurt you anymore. Once you finish up here, destroy your phone so they can’t track you. There’s a new one in my bag that’s all set up with everything you could need. Contacts for all the top pros, my family… m-my bank information. That’s signed over to your name, so you have access to it all. My passwords for different accounts are in there too in case you need ‘em.” His eyes opened slowly, clouded with some emotion that you couldn’t quite place. But you could see the tears in them, and your heart, or at least what was left of it, was stuck in your throat at the sight of them. You had only seen him look like that just a few times.

“Katsuki I-”

“Once you get somewhere safe contact Deku. Tell him what’s happened. B-be honest with him, ‘kay?” His words were quicker now, like he knew his time was near and he needed to get everything out. “He’s gonna be a fuckin’ wreck, but if you explain everything, and you tell him that this was m-my choice to let it happen, he’ll come around eventually. But I’m assuming they’re gonna come for him next, and I want him to be prepared. I’ve left videos for everyone important on that phone. Do me a favor and share ‘em with the people they’re meant for, ‘kay?”

“Of course I will, Kats. Anything for you,” your voice shook like the last leaves of the season in a cold winter wind.

Katsuki chuckled gently, letting the hand that caressed your face drop to entwine his fingers with your own. “It’s also got all our photos and videos on it too…” His voice was sad, with a hint of anger over the reality he was facing. “It’s got a-” A ragged cough burst from his lungs, accompanied by a light spray of blood that had you cringing. “Got a video on there f’r you too,” he rasped, determined to say what he needed to say even as his speech was strained, somewhat slurred. It cut you like a knife.

A fresh wave of tears spilled down your face, the crystalline droplets falling to your joined hands. “I’m just so fucking sorry Kats…” You tried to suppress your panic and sorrow, so as not to let him witness it in his final moments, but you realized that would be insincere, especially when you’d been hiding such a huge secret this whole time. So, you let any walls crumble in the looming shadow that was his imminent death.

“I know, sweet girl. So am I. Sorry I never got t’ marry you, never got t’ start a f-family, grow old, all that s-sappy shit…” The blood that had sprayed from his lungs now stained his lips, creeping between the cracks and providing the most color anywhere on his ashen face. “Most of all, ‘m sorry you were f-forced to do this. But y’know what ‘m not sorry for?”

You shook your head, wondering what on earth he could find positive in this situation.

“’m not sorry I met you… got to love you, got to have you in my life, even if just for a little while. L-like I said… y’r the best thing that’s ever happened to me. ‘nd I mean it. E-even if y’r the end of me, I’ll love you even from the grave.”

“Katsuki…” He struggled to bring your hand up and pressed his smiling lips to the back of it. “I love you too, so fucking much… I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I-”

You were cut off as he mustered what was left of his strength to lean forward and capture your lips in a gentle kiss. It tasted of blood and tears, defeat and anguish, but there was a sweetness to it as well. There was forgiveness and understanding and love that had you aching deep in your soul. As he broke off his head slumped forward, landing heavily on your shoulder as he took labored, uneven breaths.

“It’s alright, Y/N. I would have stopped ya if there was any other way…” His breath was hot against your skin, his grip on your hand limp. “It was m-my choice. Y’r worth it.”

“No, I’m not! You are so important to so many people, to all of Japan! You keep people safe, give them hope,” you sobbed, burying your face in his hair, and cradling him as close as possible, as he had done earlier. “I’m just some worthless orphan who only hurts people and brings people pain and suffering.”

His head shook minutely against your skin. “Not to me,” he breathed. “You’re m-my… my everything, got it? You better go on livin’ ‘kay? Otherwise ‘m gonna beat ya up in the afterlife. ‘Nd ya better not just live… Do something g-great. Go somewhere beautiful f’r me, yeah? Go on an adventure. Otherwise, I’ll haunt you.” He could hardly get the words out, but as he did you felt small pinpricks of heat on your exposed thighs. You didn’t need to look down to know it was his blood, vibrant and red as his eyes.

You nodded fervently, kissing whatever places on his face you could reach. “I will, I promise I will. And I’ll send the videos and warn Izuku and… and I’ll go somewhere b-beautiful. I just wish you could come with me.”

“I do too…”

There was a moment of silence between you that was filled with so much emotion it was nearly overwhelming. There was sadness most of all, under which brewed anger and resentment and regret. But there was also love, understanding, and what you could only describe as… hope. Hope for your future, hope that you could eventually find peace, or at least something close. That you would finally be able to live for yourself without having to go on killing and suffering at the hands of villains that only wanted to use you.

You lifted his head from your shoulder with a gentle hand and rested your forehead against his. “I love you, Bakugou Katsuki. More than anything.”

“And I love you too, Y/N. You’ve made my life worth living,” he whispered into the space between you. “Keep living, got it brat?”

“You got it, shithead,” you laughed weakly, before kissing him softly. You hoped to convey all of your love, passion, regret, and heartache through that final gesture. Yet all you felt in return was love, adoration even. It gave you hope that, despite the fact that you would never be quite the same, you may be able to find some modicum of peace in the future.

With a final wheezing breath, Katsuki broke away from the kiss, his body going limp and sagging against your own. His fingers were still entwined with your own, only his grip had gone slack. His skin was still damp and hot, but when you placed your fingers on the artery in his neck you only felt stillness. A lack of pulse.

Death.

You have no concept of how long you sat there weeping over his motionless body, holding him against your chest as you mourned him. Mourned the loss of the only person you’d ever loved. The stillness of his body against you was eerie. The lack of breath against your skin had you feeling cold, even as his own body lost its heat. His skin grew ghostly, and his limbs stiffened as you grieved.

It was really done. He was really dead.

It had been about 6 months since you had assassinated Bakugou Katsuki, and to say your life had changed would be a serious understatement.

Hiding the evidence hadn’t been difficult. You had spent the entirety of that night scouring and bleaching every possible surface of any biological evidence that you may have left behind, and you even destroyed the bed sheets and towels, replacing them with identical ones. Thankfully you and Katsuki had booked the place under aliases, knowing that there was certainly a chance of your vacation spot being leaked to the public had he used his real name.

Disposing of Katsuki, however, proved to be more of a challenge.

You ended up cremating him, figuring that would be the easiest way to lay him to rest while also minimizing your chances of his remains being found. After you had finished clearing the cabin of any evidence you packed the car with both of your belongings before carrying him out to the firepit by the river. You sat and watched as the flames consumed him, finding it the slightest bit poetic that such an explosive man would go out like this. By the time the sun rose, you were still sitting before the smoldering ashes, tears long since dried on your skin and limbs sore from how long you had sat still. The weight of him rested on your shoulders long after he had burned away, and you could still feel him there to this day.

You had gathered his ashes and scattered them in the river, allowing them to wash away before you returned to the car the two of you had rented. Taking one last look at the cabin, at the location where your heart and soul had gone to die, you had sent one final message to your boss before obliterating your phone:

[ It’s done. ]

You now found yourself in Greece, settled in a nice little villa situated on a mountain overlooking a turquoise sea. As you sat on your balcony the wind tugged at your hair, and you paused to take in the setting sun. The sky was a vibrant orange, the shade of which almost perfectly matched the color of the trademark “X” that had once adorned a certain Pro’s uniform.

You found him in everyday life, almost constantly reminded. When you woke to a cold bed at the start of a new day. As you watched children run through the streets on a warm summer evening with sparklers in hand. Sometimes you still found yourself cooking double portions of meals, tearily packing up the leftovers for later. When songs you used to dance to in your pajamas would play as you sat in a café, alone.

And that wasn’t even mentioning the phone. It contained every picture he had ever taken. Every selfie, every candid, every unflattering angle… And while there were plenty of the two of you, most of them were just you, taken from his perspective. They were moments that he had thought were worth capturing. Some were on dates, where you had put some effort into your appearance even if it was just a nice dinner together at home. But others you had no idea he had taken. Images of you asleep on his chest, doing your makeup, hard at work on your computer, and making a stern, concentrated face…

They were moments when he had found you beautiful, as he had told you in a letter you’d found in his notes app, where he had left you a plethora of love letters he had written to you over the time you had spent together.

You had also made sure to follow his final instructions and sent the videos to the proper recipients. As Katsuki had predicted, Deku had been an absolute mess when he had found out about the fate of his best friend. However, after watching the video Katsuki had made him, Midoriya had insisted he didn’t blame you. He had also sworn to find and defeat the group you had worked for, and with your assistance, he and the Hero Commission did just that. They brought down the entire organization, freeing you of the fear of being sucked back into their clutches, or being captured and tortured for trying to escape in the first place.

The one thing you hadn’t mustered was the courage to watch the video intended for you.

It sat untouched in the camera roll just waiting for you to gather the fortitude to see what he had to say to you. Out of respect for those which he had left other videos for, you hadn’t watched those either, so you really didn’t know what to expect. You only knew that when you finally hit play you were in for a world of emotion.

But tonight, you had finally convinced yourself to press the button. With a glass of his favorite wine in hand and the Dynamight plushie he had bought you almost a year ago hugged to your chest, you tried to prepare yourself for the torrent of feelings you were about to undergo. With your headphones on snuggly in order to immerse yourself in the presence of your lover and to minimize distractions, you started the video.

“Hey dumbass,” he started. The sound of his voice had you choking up already, but you didn’t want to cry yet, so you held back your emotion. “So, I’m guessing you probably waited a while to watch this, right? You were probably scared to because it would mean admitting to yourself that I’m gone. Well, I’m gonna say right now that I think that’s bullshit. I’m right here, idiot. I always will be. All of this shit is backed up on the cloud, so even if you lose this phone it’s all still gonna be there. Can’t get rid of me that easy.” His chuckle was laidback, almost carefree. As if he wasn’t recording a message to be watched after a death he knew was coming.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s taken me a while to record this for you. I’ve already done everyone else’s because I had to really think about what to say to you, and I’m pretty sure this is attempt number eight? Maybe number nine… I don’t fuckin’ know. What I’m tryin’ to say is that I know you’re probably hurting the most out of everyone right now. Yeah, my family is probably crushed, and shitty Deku probably feels responsible or whatever… But you?” He paused, looking away from the camera for a moment in thought. You felt tears welling in your eyes as he continued somewhat carefully.

“You were the one who had to carry out your mission. And I just want you to know that, in a weird kinda way, I respect that. You had to do what you had to do. For the sake of yourself, and in a way… for my sake. They were probably planning on killing both of us if you didn’t do it on your own, right? And it would probably include a lot of pain and suffering, if all the intel we’ve gathered on these bastards is correct. They seem like real assholes, y’know?” You couldn’t help but smile gently at his words, as he didn’t even know how true they were at the time.

“But I don’t want you to blame yourself, got it? I obviously don’t know all the specifics of your situation, but I do know one thing. I know that you’re one of the most thoughtful, caring, and kind people I have ever met. And even if everything else has been part of an act, I don’t think those things can be faked.” There were those goddamn tears again. They began to blur your vision, and you took a moment to wipe them away before they could fall.

“I don’t think your love is fake either.” His voice was soft and seemed to be slightly strained. “Everything I feel from you in that respect seems… very genuine. At least I really fuckin’ hope it’s real. Because I know that everything I feel for you is as real as it gets. And I swear to god if you don’t actually love me back, even just a little, I’m gonna come back and haunt you from the dead, got it brat?” If you weren’t mistaken you thought you could see tears starting to form in his eyes even as you found yourself chuckling at his faux aggression.

“I just- I’m sorry that you have to do this… Heh, weird that I’m the one apologizing when you’re the one that has to fuckin’ kill me. But, while I plan on telling you this in person before it happens, and I’m pretty sure I know when it’s gonna be happening…” He paused and took a deep, stabilizing breath before trucking on.

“I would do anything to protect you, Y/N. I would go to war, stop a train, take a bullet straight to the heart… I am willing to die for you if it means you won't have to deal with those scumbags anymore. I’m hoping that after this all goes down and I’m dead and gone you’ll be able to escape them. I’m putting together a contingency plan, hence all the videos and shit. I want you to be able to live for yourself, finally, instead of having to live your life as a criminal, constantly putting yourself in danger and having to do what those assholes want you to do.”

You took a breath as he paused again, reaching up to scrub at his eyes, which had steadily been growing red with impending tears. “I honestly don't know what else to say, but I don’t want to end this yet…” He chuckled somewhat ruefully, his brows coming together in a look of what you could only describe as defeat.

“I guess I should say that I was uh… I was planning to propose in a couple months. I don’t want to make you hurt worse than you probably already are, but I don’t want to hide that. I’m probably not going to before it all goes down, but I uh, I kinda bought a ring and everything. I gave it to my ma and told her not to give it to you till you asked for it. I figured you might not want it, so I didn’t wanna tell you about it. Guess I wanted to wait till you watched this, so you’d get the full picture on where I stand with the whole situation. If you want the ring, just tell her you watched this and decided to get it. But I understand if it would be too painful to have a reminder of me sitting on your finger every day… A reminder of everything that happened…”

Your hand came up to cover your mouth as you paused the video. You needed to take a moment to process what he was saying. He was going to propose? He had already bought the ring? Tears were flowing down your cheeks freely now, and your heart felt so heavy it seemed like you had a sandbag on your chest. You had thought about what it would be like to marry him, sure, but you had never allowed yourself to seriously entertain the idea as it was too painful to imagine such a thing while knowing what you’d eventually have to do to him. Hitting play, you resumed the video.

“Just know it’s there if you want it. Guess it could be a reminder of my love for you. Of how much I truly care for you. I just need you to get it through your thick skull that I really do love you. Even if it was all for the sake of a mission, which I kinda refuse to believe, what I feel for you is, and always will be, real. Even after I’m dead I’ll still love you.”

As the timer on the bottom of the video steadily scrolled toward the end you could see a few tears falling down his cheeks as he chose to forgo wiping them away. “Well, uh, I guess that’s pretty much all I had to say then. You better not be curled up in a ball somewhere dark and dingey wasting away and letting your sadness eat you alive, dumbass. I want you to go out there and take life by the fuckin’ balls. You deserve to live for yourself from now on. I probably told you this before I left you, but all of my bank accounts have been signed over to you, so hopefully, money won’t be a problem for the rest of your life. For fuck’s sake, I don’t even know why I get paid so much, but I have literally no clue what to do with it all, so it should at least get you pretty far. Do something fun. Travel the world. Go on an adventure and do something you’ve always wanted to do, ‘kay?”

He had indeed signed over all of his accounts to you, and when you accessed them for the first time the numbers you found sent your head spinning. He also had copious amounts of money invested in numerous companies, so the numbers kept increasing over time as well. When you had gone over it all with a financial advisor, she had instructed you on how to keep everything in order and how to properly invest in the future, if you so desired.

“I just ask that you take care of my family if they ever need it,” he pleaded gently. His eyes had softened as he brought up his loved ones. “I’ve already left ‘em a buncha money, which is probably surprising considering the huge amount you hopefully have already found in the accounts I signed over to you, but like I said the Commission pays me a disgusting amount. It’s honestly kinda ridiculous… all of that money could be going to something much better, but I digress… If they ever need something, promise me you’ll help ‘em out, alright? They’re probably fuckin’ wrecks over the fact that I’m gone, and while I’ve explained everything in their video, they may appreciate it coming from you as well. I just hope you guys can come to terms with each other. Because as you know my ma can be… a lot,” he chuckled sadly.

“Just know I love the fuck outta you, and I’m so proud of you for having to get through all the bullshit you’ve been through. I’m not mad about the situation, and I hope you understand that. But I am pretty sad that it’s gotta go down like this, and that I’ll never get to grow old with you like I’d originally planned. But, like I’ve said over and over at this point, I’d gladly die if it meant saving you, and hopefully freeing you from these villain bastards making you do all this shit.

I hope you don’t miss me too much, and I don’t want you to be afraid of finding someone else to love. I just want you to be happy, and if that means finding someone new then I support you. Just make sure they deserve you, because you’ve got so much to give, and I don’t want you wasting your time with some fuckin’ loser. But if you don’t end up with anyone else, please… just don’t let yourself fade away. Find at least one thing to give you happiness. Because you fuckin’ deserve it, idiot. This isn’t your fault, and I don’t want you blaming yourself. Also, make sure to kick those shitheads’ asses for me, alright? Lock ‘em up in Tartarus for all eternity. That’s what they fuckin’ deserve for making you do all the shit they did.”

He looked down at his hands, fiddling with them off-screen as he thought for a moment before looking back up at you. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N. You changed my life for the better, taught me what love was all about, and showed me more love and kindness than anyone else. I refuse to believe that was all an act. It sure as hell wasn’t an act on my end. And if it was real for you too, if all of this was as real for you as it was for me, then I hope you know that you held my heart in your hands and I will love you till you are dead and gone like me. And I ain’t got a clue what comes after life, but I’ll sure as hell be waitin’ for you on the other side. I promise.”

There were tears in his eyes yet again, glittering like diamonds as they wavered on his lower lashes. Your stomach clenched at the sight as you reached up to brush away your own.

“Alright, fuckin’ dumbass. Get off your phone and go live your life. I hope you’re somewhere beautiful. Somewhere as beautiful as you are. The world is a better place because you’re in it. Or… at least my world was better because of you.” The tears quivered once more before slipping down his cheeks as he gave you a sad smile from his place in the past. “Live enough for both of us, yeah? And don’t join me too soon, otherwise, I’ll be pissed. I don’t wanna see your face wherever I am for another 50 years, you little fucker.”

“You got it, Kats,” you laughed tearily, unable to stop your response from slipping from your lips as if he was really standing right in front of you.

“Think ‘m just rambling at this point, ‘cus I really don’t want this to end. But I guess I’ve gotta save some space on here for everything else I wanna leave for ya. One last time, I love you, princess. I always will. Live a good rest of your life, and don’t come lookin’ for me till the time is right.” He raised his hand and gave a small wave.

“Goodbye.”

#bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #bakugou smut #bakugo smut #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugou angst #bakugo angst #bakugou fluff #bakugo fluff #bakugou fanfiction #bakugo fanfiction #cel writes #i hope this killed you as much as it killed me #songfic #bakugou songfic #bakugo songfic

[the-narwhals-awaken]

In response to chdarling's writer's ask game: all forty because i did a stupid.

I use different fonts for different projects. I never use Arial or Times New Roman, those are strictly for school work, but I prefer monospace fonts or others that are pretty clear and easy to read. Script fonts are OK for personal rambles and such, but I actually reread what I write a lot and I don't want to ruin my eyes any more.

I don't think so. I can type fairly fast, and my biggest issue with handwriting is it goes so much slower than my brain. I mean, typing does so as well, but it feels like less strain and I can get more done in a set amount of time.

So this isn't as much, but I used to have this shawl that I would put on and tie the ends behind my back. It would force me into good posture because that was the only way I could reach the keyboard from where it was set on my desk. Significantly less back pain. Now, when I'm approaching the end of my writing goal for the day, I often tuck one leg up on my yoga ball. Or try for both.

I like words that have length to them. For a while it was 'rutabega'. Still is, sometimes. But words themselves hit less hard than they've used to.

I never leave at the end of a scene. There's always something for the next scene, because if I leave it at a stopping point then it might just stop there. It has, on a couple occasions.

That I'll never be able to finish anything big. I have the wreckages of unfinished ideas that I never managed to get done enough to post littering my drive and while I want to do a cleanup before college it's one of many tasks.

Being able to construct magnificent worlds out of nothing but stardust and ashes. I love seeing what I've done and looking at the quantity or a cool scene.

Probably action. I can be talky, but I've done therapy stories before and a dialogue-only one-shot, so it's easier to talk around the action than leave out the communication.

Not really? It's a fun concept but I have different beliefs about the afterlife. There's definitely an afterlife ish, but not ghosts.

Things haunt me before I write them out enough to sate them. For me, that means the characters and ideas spin in my brain, and while a haunting can be triggered by something somebody else wrote, it's usually just my stories in a new framework. After I write them out, they usually leave me alone.

I don't kill my darlings. My favorite characters will survive everything I throw at them and have a happy ending because that's the story I need. I will cut out swathes of what I wrote or leave behind what's not good anymore, but the characters will survive.

A better organizational strategy for my worldbuilding that I don't have to organize myself, a way to trigger inspiration for a specific project at will, and the ability to recover any document.

I like writing fantasy and a world at peace. I'm really bad at writing action. Peace is just easier to dream about for me, and I don't always know how to tell a tale of physical struggle without making it unrealistic.

I don't really lend books. I return them well, though I might need prompting, but I would rather encourage library lending and patronage since that's where I get most of mine. If I don't have it back now, it's not coming back, but I do remember where they went.

No, because most are library and my handwriting's a mess. I dogear only when I don't have bookmarks, so I try to carry some around- it's a pain when I run into something that somebody else dogeared and I can't find my spot, so bookmarks are usually easier.

The weirdest thing I've ever used as a bookmark was probably a hot pack. It wasn't hot at the time.

I have so much information about how the yokai bloodlines got started, you wouldn't believe it, and almost none of it gets told because a) the POV characters don't know and b) the POV characters don't like talking about their ancestor's sex lives.

n/a not at this late at night sorry y'all's.

19. I started telling stories in my head while I was young. I wrote them down occasionally, then lost them. I started reading on Ao3 in 2019, and soon after started writing. I posted a few things and ended up joining a community that aided my writing. Haven't written much recently because of a musical I was in and finals and graduation, but hopefully that's changing soon!

20. The latter. I don't trust witches' ideas of love and also I'm still figuring out if I'm aro or not. The latter is much easier to verify and has less possibilty to horribly traumatize me if it goes wrong.

21. No. I could quit posting, but at this point it's the easiest way to clear up my head and I enjoy doing it.

22. I use various google docs with mostly informative labels and groups to keep projects separate. Little's on paper, unfortunately.

23. My desk is an old card table, skinny and long, folding legs and dark blue material, sagging in the middle. I sit on a bright blue yoga ball. I have a silver desk lamp that bends in the middle and whose cord plugs in almost directly behind the yoga ball.

24. Usually a month or so of prep, worldbuilding and timeline organizing and figuring out what the beats are that I want to hit. Writing is easier if I have already answered a bunch of my own questions.

25. The first seal they placed on themselves was actually one to shift their hair color completely independent of their own natural abilities, it ended up throwing off suspicion of said abilities but was mostly to look cool during a test.

26. I start asking questions of what they'd be doing and stating things I know- sound sensitivity paired with exceptional hearing, kind hearted but also a little shit and distrusted by most around them, quiet and kind and absolutely ruthless in the way only a gardener can be, etc. I don't regret going there unless it gets really sad or dark.

27. Roy Mustang. He's the kind of guy that's planning for literally everything but playing it off as being an idiot and it's hard to write either of those, let alone from the inside and adding in new things.

28. Naruto, age six. He's still pretty sweet, and he hasn't lost all faith in kindness. Also, he's really blunt in that little kid way and has barely any fear. Makes me laugh when I need it.

29. I draw inspiration from stories and analysis I read. If it runs out either I beat it out if I have a time limit or I leave and go do something else. I've written 200,000 words in daily chunks while doing nonograms on my phone.

30. I don't remember my dreams.

31. Y'all's are the sweetest people I know and you make my day better every time I remember you're there. My life would be worse without you and I'm so thankful that you exist.

32. I'm not sure it's a line, it's the concept that nobody is ever too broken to find a family and do better in life if truly they want to.

33. I knit, crochet, and cross-stitch. It stays mostly separate from writing except when I make fandom items.

34. Necessary but shouldn't have such a fuss made about it. It feels right and that's 80% of my grammar checking.

35. To shorten sentences. I write long sentences- broken into pieces as they may be, they technically don't break rules- and they flow better in chunks, broken apart by such short pauses, and yet one continuous whole- though it can be said that tangents are made- that it feels wrong to break them apart.

36. I know a family that is whole but separate. I know fun and distance. I know instruments and how it feels to be superficially accepted and have the only contacts in your phone be family.

37. I was a very, very weird scatterbrained scholar.

38. I bang things out chronologically and rarely edit unless it's been at least two weeks since writing.

39. External time limits or promises. NaNoWriMo was and remains excellent motivation to at least do so much a day, and if I'm writing for another it at least sticks in my head more.

40. Though many a shifting voice I bear/My voice/Your voice/What's truly there? / Though hundreds of faces I have born/My face/Your face/I shall not be torn / For though out of the storms I have arisen/And through deepest waves I continue/And past the bright fires I run/I leap/I whirl/I live / I run through the forests alone with my kin/Abandoned by those who cannot see within/And know in my heart, hidden now by the fur/That only those that can see me/Can truly, deeply see me/That see past the me can be welcomed to home. Kitsune, by nar.

This whole shebang was because Ao3 was down and I ended up watching a FNAF video and needed some other thing in my head before I fell asleep. Enjoy!

#writing challenge #ask game #asked and answered #word of advice: #don't watch fnaf videos before going to bed #even if you don't actually watch them and there isn't that much gore #not worth it

[sushiburritonoms]

If you're still looking for questions; do you prefer canon-verse or Modern AUs for Star Wars? Is there a crossover you've not seen yet but would like to? Do you have any weird pet peeve you've come across in fic (you can be as vague as you want about it)? Do you have a preferred drink whole writing?

Hey anon thanks for playing along!

Modern AU or Canon: I totally prefer canon SW to modern AUs. I actually don’t read that many and Sacred Texts is the first time I’m writing an extended modern AU in any of my fandoms. I find it challenging to write these characters without their unique characteristics (Jedi powers, mandalorian armor) so y'all are going to have to tell me I’m at all successful! Plus I feel like in canon AUs I can bullshit to a certain extent and people give me the benefit of the doubt. In the modern AU, if make a mistake and use the wrong nickname for an Air Force grunt or forget where Jedha is located in Arizona and it’ll throw way more people off. No pressure or anything ;_;

Crossovers…oh Anon. Sweet anon. I have so many ideas and absolutely no time for them. Some of these I've already subjected the Boba/Din/Luke server to as drabbles:

The Sentinel (tv show)/Mandalorian AU: Din turns out to be a Sentinel with heightened senses (advanced hearing, sight, taste, smell and touch) and they are triggered when he spends an extended period of time alone (after he drops off Grogu with Luke maybe?) Luke is his Jedi Guide, has zero ideas wtf is going on and only Boba has some clue given that he is the only character who remembers Jedi and their freaky abilities.

Minority Report/SW AU: Anakin, Luke and Leia as the three captive precogs (if you haen't seen the movie they are psychics that can see the future and they are held captive by the government and used for their powers). Din is the Tom Cruise character who busts them out of captivity when the US government steals Grogu from him (because he also shows signs of precog abilities). Co Stars Padme ‘gonna take down the US government to save my family’ Naberrie as a badass.

Star Wars/His Dark Materials crossover. Din with a daemon sounds amazing but I got zero ideas for a plot (I like his daemon being a mudhorn, just this huge brick of a creature that follows him everywhere). This is just pure vibes.

Wandavision mashup: Sequel era Hobo!Luke keeps trying to rewrite the past because he's crazy with grief and drags the poor suffering soul of Din along for the ride. (spoilers: HE DED)

I don't think I'll ever actually write any of this but I really love coming up with scenarios.

I also have an idea for a Din story based on a Star Trek Deep Space Nine episode that I might actually write. For Halloween. If I find the time. ;_;

Fanfic pet peeves

I really value characterization and prefer to read and produce fics where the characters largely stay true to their canon counterparts. It's not always possible to get them exactly alike in a modern AU or crossover (which is probably why I don't read that many). I don't know if that's weird? Oh, and I do think some of the things said in sex scenes are bit overused to the point where if I see certain phrases (or certain noises) I start snickering instead of getting into a story. Sorry. I'm immature sometimes.

Preferred drink

I drink a lot of coffee (drip coffee, with cream and sugar in the morning) or herbal tea (mostly chamomile at night). But I do need to drink something hot when writing. Get me in the right headspace. :D

Wow these were some great questions thank you!!

#I really want to write the minority report fic and the Halloween one the most #I want bad ass Padme but im not sure I know how to write her #My approach to a sex scene is usually less talk more action #mostly because i think most sexy talk is ridiculous #daddy Din is just tired yo #You can try to wreck that Twink but I'm pretty sure he can kill you with his mind #ask game

[raine-kai]

Contextualizing the Messy AkiHaru Scene

So...it came to my attention that a lot of translations of the scene where Akihiko crashes at Haruki's house in chapter 20 of the manga or the anime movie suggest that nothing happened more than we see in the panels/on the screen.

This is a translation error. The Japanese is unambiguous that a lot happened during the scene break; the art backs this up, in the change to Haruki's hairstyle from before to after the scene break.

Mainly, I want to retranslate for people who are interested, who didn't know that this was a mistranslation. But, I think that no matter how the scene is translated, there are subtexts and undercurrents that are lost, that cannot be simply translated into existence.

So I would like to explain several things in the lead-up to the scene in question, as well as in the aftermath, in order to hopefully give more context.

WARNINGS FOR SPOILERS AND NONCON

Notes on Translation: Given astonished me from its very first chapter with its deliberate and brilliant use of words. It is a story that is so incredibly articulate when it wants to be that moments of wordlessness or fragmented words are equally articulate, for they are crafted with as much deliberation and care as the articulate moments. As anyone knows who has ever tried to translate something, just plain translating the surface meaning of words often leaves a lot of the meaning behind. I will do my best to convey in English what the original text conveyed to me in Japanese, but it will inevitably fall short of the original text.

The Lead-In

First off, let's talk about Akihiko and the particular damage that he brings with him into this scene. He, of course, has the argument with Ugetsu and the fact that he has nowhere to go; but he has also been living this way for two years, presumably only a little longer than he has known Haruki. Akihiko describes the patterns that he and Ugetsu go through:

[Translation: "Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be.]

Later, Akihiko reveals that he has a pattern of dealing with being kicked out of the home he shares with Ugetsu by finding someone, anyone to stay with. He has come to associate these stays as transactions, where the thing that he provides is most often sex. (We also see this transaction-based approach in his relationship with Ugetsu, for whom he feels compelled to cook—a thing that he later continues for Haruki with an urgency that does not match Haruki's easygoing acceptance of this dynamic.)

In fact, we see hints that perhaps Akihiko associates crashing with someone with providing sex to a deeper degree than even he acknowledges, in a scene in volume 1 where he crashed at Haruki's apartment while drunk, and upon stating it would be too much trouble to pull out a futon, did not merely crawl into bed with Haruki, but on top of him.

[Translation: Haru: Akihiko, get a futon and sleep wherever... Aki: Whaaat? But that's so much effort... Haru: So sleep on the....floor....]

So this is a deeply engrained association for Akihiko.

However, it is also a part of his life that he has gone out of his way to conceal from Haruki. From Haruki, he has not merely concealed the many times that he has essentially prostituted himself for a place to sleep; he has also hidden from Haruki that he has any flatmate at all, much less the nature of his relationship with said flatmate.

Haruki has the idea that Akihiko used to sleep around, but does not anymore. He is blinded partly by his own desire to see only the best parts of Akihiko; he is also blinded by Akihiko's desire to only reveal the best parts of himself to Haruki.

In volume 4, we see the moment that Akihiko lets slip that he has a flatmate, and the degree to which this shakes Haruki.

But the more emotional moment for Haruki comes when he realizes that Akihiko is talking to him on the phone while having sex with a woman.

[Translation: "That was a woman.... He was totally having sex."]

No promises have been broken; no trust has been betrayed. But there is an illusion of Akihiko that Haruki has, that Akihiko himself has carefully cultivated over the recent months for a reason that even he cannot explain. It is a paper-thin illusion, that only held up because Akihiko and Haruki both wanted it there.

But now, that illusion is shattering.

This just so happens to overlap with Take suggesting that Haruki take on a support role in his ex-gf's band.

Haruki has struggled from volume 1 with insecurities. He is the band leader; he is the one who brought them together, the one who runs their social media, the one who keeps them in line. Given is a band that absolutely would never have existed without Haruki. Yet he feels outshined by the other three members. There are several scenes depicting Haruki struggling with this. Akihiko is often the one to whom he voices his insecurities, and always without fail sets him straight. There is one particular exchange, during the same conversation when Akihiko reveals that he has a flatmate, when Haruki calls himself ordinary (凡人枠) and Akihiko retorts that he is not, he is 調停者枠....which is difficult to translate, but essentially means mediator, but in this case is denoting that he is the one who brings the different pieces of the band together (both musically, and as a person). Akihiko tells him then, "You're the one that everybody seeks," with a particular look in his eyes even as he reaches for Haruki's face. (Haruki pulls away and Akihiko pulls back and laughs it off.)

But the undercurrent is, for the first time, Haruki is beginning to see the truth of the words that he never quite believed. He is wanted and needed...he just needs to find a way to explain this to the other members of Given. In particular, Akihiko, who has always felt to Haruki like someone on equal or higher footing than himself, despite Haruki himself being older.

And these are the undercurrents at play as we head into the scene in question.

The Crucial Chapters 19-20

Akihiko shows up on Haruki's doorstop in the middle of the night, with an injured face from a fight with Ugetsu.

Haruki lets him in and they start talking as usual....but this time, it's different. They are both just a little bit at odds in a way they have never been before.

Haruki is aware, now, of a facet of Akihiko's life that until recently he had believed was left in the past.

Akihiko perceives that Haruki is hiding something, and in his typical way, immediately wants to know what it is.

This is why, when Akihiko asks his questions and asks if Haruki is hiding something, Haruki snaps back in a way we have never seen him do before:

[Tr: "[I am, but] you're one to talk!"]

Akihiko grabs Haruki by the wrist and asks again, and Haruki tells him...but throws in that the band he is doing support for is his ex's band.

Akihiko responds, "So you're going back to your ex?" and proceeds to crawl on top of Haruki to acknowledge for the first time what has always been unspoken between them: "You're in love with me, yet you're gonna run away?"

As Haruki lies sputtering for a response (he tries to pretend ignorance, but can't finish a sentence, between Akihiko pressing closer and his own shock) Akihiko reaches for Haruki's braid—the hair that Haruki has been growing out for as long as he has known Akihiko, as something like a wish charm (願掛け) for his love; the hair that Akihiko is somewhat obsessed with, taking every opportunity he can to play with it or style it—and speaks words that reveal that he is still fixated on Haruki's ex.

[Full text: 春樹さぁ、元カノがどうとか言ってたけど、お前こんなんで本当に女なんか抱いてたの？

Translation: You talk about this ex-girlfriend, Haruki, but did you seriously have sex with women like this?

Note: the こんなんで/"like this" is beautifully ambiguous. On a surface level of course it is referring to Haruki's long hair—with all the years of pining and love for Akihiko that that implies—but it also draws attention to how they are right now. The fact that Akihiko has crawled on top of Haruki as he has before, and Haruki does not fully push him away. It draws attention to the way that Akihiko himself is so central to Haruki's entire being.]

While Haruki flushes and thinks to himself, "Shut up, shut up! I did have sex with women, before I met you!" Meanwhile, Akihiko kisses him—a kiss that the art carefully does not show us lip-to-lip, either only showing us angles where we cannot see the point of contact, or focusing on the contact of only their tongues. Make no mistake, this is not a romantic kiss. This is a kiss full of frustration and pent up emotions and two years of unspoken, unacknowledged emotion brewing between these two.

Akihiko begins to strip Haruki further, and Haruki interjects, 「え、うそ、うそうそ、待った」(tr: "Wha- wait wait wait, just a sec"), which Akihiko ignores, and proceeds to begin performing oral sex on Haruki, even as he acknowledges internally that his actions are taking out his frustration with Ugetsu on Haruki.

[Note: the words Haruki uses at this point are not clear "Stop" signals. え、うそ、待った are all words that convey shock and uncertainty, and it is noteworthy that Haruki does not at any point use a word that would convey an equivalent of "Stop". That doesn't make this consensual, as his consent has not been obtained, but this is important to note, that Haruki deliberately does not ever outright tell Akihiko to stop.]

This is where Akihiko reflects on his messy relationship with Ugetsu, and the lingering hold it has on him:

Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be. Like he is urging me, "Great, here's an opportunity. Let's part ways and break up for real." Like he is shutting me out of his world by force, to reinforce that he doesn't need me. What the hell? If you don't want me, why do you allow me to hold on? If you sympathize with my holding on, why do you try to throw me away? I want to trap you. I want to escape. I want to give up. I can't fully give up. I want to touch you. I can't breathe...

And when Akihiko comes back to the present, some time has past. His shirt is gone, Haruki places a hand over Akihiko's with tears in his eyes, and for the first time, says やめてよ [approx. translation: "Please stop," but this is a very gentle way of saying it—a plea in softer language]....and then continues, そんな顔しないでよ、辛そうな顔しないでよ、なんなの？言ってよ、なんでもしてあげるから [tr: "Please stop looking like that, like you're in such pain...What is it? Please tell me. I would give you anything."]

It is the なんでもしてあげるから here that is utterly striking. @edragoon​ and I debated translations and arrived on "I would give you anything" as the best option, but even with Haruki's soft language leading up to this, even with his words so focused on Akihiko's pain, the sheer love conveyed by these words is heart-wrenching—as is the art, Haruki's hand reaching out to Akihiko's face.

Akihiko has unearthed Haruki's unspoken feeling as part of his self-destructive spiral in a move that he no doubt expected to hurt Haruki, but instead, Haruki has owned up to his no longer hidden feelings and offers all of himself to Akihiko; turns the focus back onto Akihiko and his pain, rather than on himself, as Akihiko probably expected. As no doubt has happened in similar situations with Ugetsu.

And Akihiko, caught between Haruki here and the mess in his heart that is Ugetsu, expresses resentment that these words are coming from Haruki instead of Ugetsu.

"Why did you have to be the one to say that?" Akihiko laments silently, and then out loud,

[tr: "Telling you won't change anything."]

He follows this up with a small, "Sorry," and wonders to himself "Why couldn't it have been you?" (In Japanese, as in English, it is ambiguous whether he is wishing that Haruki were the one he wanted those words from, or that Ugetsu were the one saying those words. The last use of "you" in his internal monologue was directed at Haruki, supporting the first interpretation, but he is also lost in his head, so it would be no surprise if he is swaying back and forth.)

The scene breaks here, and on the next page, Haruki is curled up facing the back of the couch, fully dressed in new clothes and his hair now pulled back in a ponytail, and Akihiko is seated on the floor with his back to the couch, shirtless.

[Tr: "I'm sorry. Truly. I was completely in the wrong."]

Haruki responds, "That's not the part I want an apology for," even as he remembers those damning words, Telling you won't change anything.

[Tr: "...I said I'd give you anything. By the end it was basically consensual."]

Haruki goes on to say Akihiko is free to stay over, but he will be going to a friend's place.

Akihiko visibly panics, but only manages to call Haruki's name once as Haruki tells him he can use anything, can leave the door unlocked, but simply should be gone by morning.

Haruki leaves the apartment, and we see him cry as he walks through the darkened streets as those words Akihiko spoke again.

Left behind, Akihiko berates himself for how much he lets himself lean and depend (甘える) on Haruki, and he reflects on the events with his family and Ugetsu that lead him to where he is, without anywhere else to go. [NOTE: this is no doubt a significant factor in his later decision to move out of Haruki's apartment once as he goes through the process of bettering himself.] He contemplates the ways in which he has behaved towards Haruki, the parts of his own life he has almost instinctively hidden from his view.

Akihiko spends the night on the floor by the couch. (A shot of the clock at one point tells us it is 1:20am.)

We see morning dawn, and it is as Take is at work discussing lunch break that he gets a text from Akihiko, asking if he's seen Haruki. It is in the evening, when Take goes home, that he finds Haruki listless and hollow-eyed in front of his apartment.

The clock reads 9:40pm when Haruki comes home at last. Apart from the few hours he was with Take, Haruki has spent the better part of a night and a day alone who knows where.

[Tr: "Oh, you're still here"]

The hair that Akihiko had adored, the hair that Haruki had been growing since the day he met and fell for Akihiko, is cut short.

The Aftermath

The two of them don't shy away from the subtext of the last day—especially Haruki, who says blandly, "Sorry, but I'm tired after your rejection of my feelings, as you can see. Please go home." And when Akihiko tries to reach for him with a, "Wait, but—" his hand his slapped away by Haruki, who informs him, "Look, I'm angry at you." and cuts off Akihiko's attempted apology one syllable in with an admonishment that an apology will only make him angrier.

But Akihiko says what he should have said the night before—that he is at the end of his rope and has nowhere to go. He quietly asks to be permitted to stay in Haruki's apartment, assuring him that he will sleep on the floor, that he will not do anything again. He begs for Haruki to help him.

Haruki is furious.

「サイアク」the narration repeats: "[This/he] is the worst."

At last, Haruki agrees, but with the words, "If you weren't a band member, I'd throw you out."

The next day at band practice, Akihiko and Haruki are wildly out of sync, and while Haruki puts on a carefree smile for Uenoyama and Mafuyu, he is still spiraling with despair and humiliation.

And yet Akihiko too is on pins and needles, reacting with abject (though silent) horror when Uenoyama asks Haruki what's wrong.

But Haruki tells Uenoyama and Mafuyu nothing, and when he walks off and Akihiko goes after him, the words that come out of his mouth are all about his insecurities about his place in the band. About how he is too ordinary and does not belong in such a band of geniuses.

This is not what Akihiko was expecting his outburst to be about; this is also familiar territory for him, that he knows how to handle. Akihiko knows music.

He assures Haruki of why his music was off today, as he would have any other day. He assures Haruki that he is utterly deserving of his place in their band, as he has so many times before.

[Tr: "I've pretty much always told you that you're necessary, haven't I!?"]

And all at once, memories come rushing back to Haruki of so many times that Akihiko has told him of his value.

Haruki's anger loses its momentum and he deflates. They had back to Haruki's apartment, with Akihiko promising to cook dinner, as he is the freeloader. (Another nod to his tendency to view these arrangements as transactional.)

Living together proves a disillusionment process for Haruki. Of course, the night that Akihiko first came to his apartment was the enormous catalyst, but the disillusionment process continues.

All of those ways in which he had formerly idealized Akihiko crumble one after another for Haruki as they live together. Akihiko cooks, but he only has one flavor profile, and often makes fried rice. Akihiko spends most of his days on music, be it violin or the drums, and it is louder than Haruki is used to with his bass—it is also evidence that Akihiko is the musician he is because he puts in the work, not just inherent talent.

...And that brings us to the end of volume 4, so I think I shall stop here!

If you read all this way, thank you, and I hope this added something positive to your day!

#akihiko x haruki #akihiko kaji #Given #haruki nakayama #haruki's hair #Given meta #meta #秋春 #ギヴン #中山春樹 #梶秋彦 #Given vol 4 #This is my otp #nobody proofread this meta #I really hope there are no typos #i am brain empty only akiharu

[221bshrlocked]

i. Initiation

Stirring Sensations Masterlist

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2325

Warning: lots of really inapropro thots all because of that.fucking.chain.

A/N: I’ve had a really bad week and it only got worse last night and I almost had to go to the ER but crisis averted everyone and I’m about to fuck up this presentation but I needed to write this because wow we’re all so horny for this man and that chain he wore during the D23 Expo 2019. Also, this tiktok didn’t help. There might be a second, more NSFW part. Depends on if yall like this :)

You couldn't stop staring at it. Lord knows you tried your hardest to be aware of the conversation going on but it was impossible.  It wasn't even anything special, just a shiny little chain, and yet you were absolutely hypnotized by the way it hung around his neck. Why you found it absolutely mesmerizing with that shirt you would never know but there was something about the way he carried himself around, especially today, that had you wishing you were bold enough to say something. But no, he was a friend. And he was kind enough to invite you to an after-party with his colleagues whom you still tried your hardest to act naturally around. 

But fucking hell this was hard. It kept on swinging around with every little movement he took, whether he was motioning dramatically with his hand as he explained something about one of the scenes or was simply leaning over and laughing over something Jon said. It was just...there. Taunting you. Begging for your attention. Any kind of attention. 

You kept on staring at it as you drank your wine, occasionally nodding along to pretend you weren’t imagining biting down on the chain and tasting his sweat on it as he fucked you into the mattress. It was getting difficult with every passing moment though, especially when he had to nudge you a few times to ask your opinion on something and furrowed his eyebrows when you apologized and told him to repeat his question. 

You thought you were being subtle enough but then Pedro leaned over and whispered something in your ear and you all but lost control, the sharp intake of breath making him lean away and ask if he’d done something wrong.

“N-no sorry I- god, I think I drank too much. I just need...some fresh air. Be back in a minute.” Pedro stared at you as he nodded, and you watched as his hand slipped under his shirt to scratch at his clavicle, the action forcing your eyes to the chain yet again. Before you could stop yourself, your tongue was peaking out and licking your lower lip, wishing it could lick across the shiny necklace if only for a second. Once you realized what you’d just done, you raised your eyes and met his, finding the usually umber brown eyes dilated and unforgiving in their gaze.

And then he mirrored your actions and licked his lips and you knew you needed to get away from him before you made a fool out of yourself. 

“Excuse me,” you smiled at everyone and walked to the balcony of the restaurant, finding a quiet and private spot in the corner overlooking the awfully busy street. Taking a deep breath, you shut your eyes and leaned against the wall, finally allowing your mind to give into the pathetically filthy thoughts involving Pedro’s fucking chain of all things. You thought of what it would feel like to pull on it as he kissed the air out of your lungs. Wished you could twirl it around your fingers as he licked and nipped down your neck before slipping his hands beneath your pants. Fuck, what you would give to just bite down on it, maybe lick it and his skin as he used you to get his cock off. Would he let you suck on his neck, that glorious fucking neck that was somehow always glistening and smooth and so fucking inciting? Would he moan when you tell him how sexy you found it, especially with that floral shirt? Goddamn that shirt. It was so loud and yet he pulled it off. And with those light brown pants that were positively tight and almost left nothing to the imagination...

But none of that compared to how captivating he looked with that chain. It was very rare for Pedro to look unattractive in whatever clothes his stylist picked out for him. Actually, that wasn’t true. Pedro never looked bad in anything, even if it was a worn down sweatshirt or jeans. He just always looked nice and you weren’t sure if it was because you’ve had these feelings for him for so long or if it was because he was an honest-to-god sex symbol. 

You rubbed at the base of your throat, thinking of worshiping him and kissing down his neck before he forced you down on your knees and fucked your face. And to hear that voice, that beautiful, deep, hoarse voice as he moaned and swore and growled at you as you pleasured him. What a sight he would be. 

When you took longer than he anticipated, Pedro excused himself and walked past the balcony doors, surveying the large open area and almost walking back in when he didn’t find you anywhere. But then he noticed you in the corner near the edge of the railing, tilting his head to the side when he saw how hard you were breathing. He approached you carefully, his eyes taking in the way you were rubbing at your neck and harshly you were biting down on your lower lip. 

So busy imagining the touch of his hand on your heated skin, you didn’t notice Pedro’s presence until he broke you from your haze with a concerned question.

“Are you okay?”

You jumped and grabbed at your chests when you heard Pedro, rolling your eyes when he started laughing and apologized before rubbing your arms to calm you down. 

“Jesus Christ you scared the fuck out of me. God, how many times did I tell you not to do that?” You gulped before turning to the railing, trying to calm your heart rate so he didn’t suspect anything.

“Not my fault you’re so jumpy.” You shook your head at his teasing comment, taking in a deep breath to try and forget what you were just thinking about before he interrupted you. “You were gone for a while...is everything okay? Did something happen and you don’t want to tell me?”

“W-what? No no nothing...nothing happened I promise. I just needed some air. It was getting a little intense back there. Sorry I’m just not used to being around so many, you know-” You trailed off and hoped Pedro wasn’t offended by your words because the last thing you wanted him to think was that he was bringing you to anxiety-inducing gatherings. 

Your smile faltered when you finally glanced at him, finding it near impossible to not shift your attention to the unbuttoned collar and the godforsaken inanimate object hanging around his neck. Pedro was taking in your changing expressions, trying his hardest to figure out what was going through your mind and hoping it mirrored what was going through his.

But he didn’t have to wonder for too long because all of a sudden, you were reaching up and pushing his shirt apart, and he felt his heart skip a beat when your fingers lightly trailed across the chain he was wearing. He didn’t dare to say anything, afraid you’d break out of whatever trance you were in. He hoped to whatever higher power existing out there that he wasn’t misreading the situation because he wasn’t sure how much more he needed to control himself. You continued to stare at him as you traced the outline of the cold metal, slipping your hand beneath it to touch his skin. Pedro shivered when one of your nails scratched at the hollow juncture just below his Adam’s apple and he all but lost it when feather-light touches skimmed over the cartilage moving down his throat. Your fingers descended down his throat again, and he ceased to breathe when you twirled his chain around your index finger before tilting your head to the side in interest. When you licked your lower lip and began to lean forward, Pedro couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“Fuck…” The growled expletive snapped you out of your haze and you snatched your hands away, about to start apologizing to him and begging him to pretend that you weren’t just pretty much assaulting the man in public.

Pedro regretted the way he responded to you when he saw sheer panic and fear etched on your beautiful features. He didn’t think of what he was doing as he pushed you further into the wall and cornered you between his arms. Pedro wanted to make sure you weren’t about to run away from him because now that he had you here, with a pretty good idea of what you were thinking of, he wasn’t about to let you go. 

You watched as his jaw muscles clenched tightly, unable to look away from his dark eyes as he stared down at you.

“I thought I was imagining things...the entire day. You’ve been...you kept on looking at me like...like you were- like I was-” Pedro gulped to try and contain his thoughts, not wanting to scare you by what he’s been thinking of when he caught you looking at him like you wanted to devour him. “Every time I looked at you, you would either look away or pretend you were talking to someone else. But fuck baby I didn’t think- didn’t think you’d ever...fuck. I can’t stop thinking about you sweetheart, and if I’d known that it would take me wearing this fucking chain...goddamn, I would have worn it a long time ago if it meant you’d look at me like you were imagining...that I- that we- Please...I- I...shit, are we on the same page here baby or am I completely misreading this entire situation?” Pedro stuttered through his admission and you weren’t sure if you found it cute or sexy that he was trying to hold back from telling you what he’s been thinking about. 

“Pedro-”

He wasn’t sure who leaned in first, and he couldn’t care less if he was being honest, because you were in his arms, devouring his lips and fisting your hands in his shirt as he snuck his tongue into your mouth and kissed you with every ounce of his being. You sighed into him as you felt his hand slip into your hair at the nape of your neck and pull on it. You were thankful that he had his other arm wrapped around you because you felt faint with every little moan he whispered into your mouth. Nothing could have prepared you for the intensity of his kiss. You would never tell him but watching his on-screen kisses did something to you and you always thought he would be generous with whoever he was with but this, this was something else. It was a cliché but this must have been what it felt like to watch a shooting star fly through the sky. It had to be. It was magical, intimate, and absolutely breathtaking. 

When Pedro pulled away and looked down at you, he couldn’t help but push himself flush against your heaving chest, once again swearing when he felt your shivering hands slip beneath his shirt and pull on the chain. He followed your lead and molded his lips with yours, this time more carefully and with less desperation. You smiled against him, and let out a deep breath when you felt him smile into the kiss. Pulling away from him, you rested your head on his chest and let go of his shirt, trailing your hands across his back to try and somehow pull him closer to you.

“I- I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.” His voice was soft, exuding calmness and joy. But you could hear his heartbeat and you knew he was just as nervous as you.

“Me too.” 

Pedro grabbed your shoulders and pushed you away so he could take a look at you.

“This isn’t a- I’m not...I’m all in baby. I’m all in, if- if you want to give us a shot. Please.” Silence enveloped the air around you and you looked into Pedro’s eyes, finding nothing but love and hope and happiness in them. You’d always wanted to make him happy, he deserved the world. And now that you knew you could, it was indescribable. 

“I’m yours Pedro.” 

You smiled when you noticed the familiar dimples take over his expression, sighing in relief when he pulled you against him once more and tightened his hold on you.

“Let’s get out of here.” He grabbed your hand and moved towards the restaurant. 

“What? No wait Pedro this is your day. I’m not- we could figure this out after tonight. I’m not about to ruin your night. It can wait.” Your eyes widened in surprise when he stepped towards you and grabbed your cheeks so you could look at him.

“Baby...I waited to hear you say those words for too damn long. I need to have you all to myself tonight. Please. I’m- I’m begging here. They won’t mind I promise. I just- I want you in my arms. I want to touch you and kiss every inch of you and hold you until you get tired of me. I want to whisper sweet things in your ears and show you how much I lo- how much I care about you. I want you. And I can’t wait anymore. Please hermosa.” Pedro noticed the small gasp emanating from your lips at the last nickname, and he raised an eyebrow when you turned away from him to look at something else.

“Oh, good to know.” He laughed when you narrowed your eyes at him in annoyance.

“Come home with me hermosa. Please.” He knew he had your undivided attention when you looked up at him, barely holding back from smiling because you could never refuse anything when he used that tone with you. 

“Ok.”

Pedro leaned in one last time and kissed your forehead before taking your hand and walking back inside. Well this was going to be interesting. 

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal/reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #d23 expo 2019 #chain #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal smut #not beta'd

[persimmonteas]

take a good look

4 times you gaze at him + 1 time he gazes at you

fic cowritten with @shinaus​, art by @annypuff​ <3. you can buy mel a coffee and anny a coffee. please support them! their work is banging and i love them 🥺 

pairing: vampire!shinso x f!reader

word count: ~4.5k

genre: slice of life fantasy (a tinge of coffee shop!AU), fluff, mutual pining, smut

cw: dom!shinso, size kink, daddy kink (inspired by toshi anon), praise kink, some degradation (he says slut 3x), fingerfucking, nipple play, choking, hair pulling, mirror sex, mating press, hickies everywhere, a cunt slap, overstimulation

first time: the coffee shop incident 

Of course your favorite coffee shop is swamped. This place is the only good thing about waking up close to dawn, with drinks always better than what your office has to offer and not to mention the pastries they make fresh.

Letting out a small groan, you decide to wait it out in the line and do your best to hurry with your breakfast before heading into work. Thankfully, you always leave yourself with enough time to actually sit and enjoy whatever you decide to buy that day, opting for it over greasy break rooms or stuffy smoking areas. 

Once the warm mug is in hand, you make quick work to try and find your usual spot only to find it occupied. While you won’t act possessive over a public seat of all things, losing the chance to enjoy glancing out the window and munching down your croissant seems to screw with your brain. 

You act without thinking, making a sharp turn to go sit somewhere else only for your knee to make contact with the underside of another table. Shit, you think to yourself, hearing the clatter of their cup. You helplessly watch liquid run down the table and into the person’s lap. 

You expect them to flinch, dart up from the table or, hell, even yell at you for your carelessness. He doesn’t yell at you and you don’t expect to see the colour of the liquid running down the table onto the floor to be red. Blood red. Fuck. A vampire. Hopefully, one who doesn’t eat you for your stupidity.

Just as you feel your heart sinking down to your stomach, your eyes flick up to meet the man whose day you likely ruined. You don’t see a hint of anger on his attractive features. In his defence, it’s probably because he’s busy looking at the way you’re gawking at him.

His unkempt hair and the deep eye bags adorning his sculpted face somehow make him look all the more endearing. It even looks like he’s wearing the smallest hint of eyeliner. Or are his eyes just naturally like that? Hard to tell. 

You’re pulled out of your thoughts (and staring session) by him breaking eye contact with you to clean himself up, before rising to his feet and doing the same to the table. It makes you come back down to Earth, and thereby remembering your clownery

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to—” you start, but are met with a hand held up in front of your face. You furrow your brows in confusion, having assumed his lack of aggression would mean he’d be more understanding but nope.

“No issue,” he grumbles in response, giving his trousers one last wipe down before swiftly weaving through the others in the coffee shop, flipping his hoodie up and taking his leave. Now, you’re even more confused. 

Sure, you spilled something over him and the table, but you would have bought him another one? Paid for his dry cleaning or something maybe? Yet, off he went, moving so quickly you couldn’t ever hope to catch up to him. Fucking vampires, man, you shake your head.

The confusion eventually fades but not completely. You help one of the baristas doing the last of the clean up before settling into the strange vampire’s seat and letting your mind wander as you eat your breakfast. 

second time: gawking at the gym

It’s a common occurrence for you to make it to the gym right as the rush of 9-5s ends, the perfect time in your opinion. Nobody hogging any of the ellipticals, the water cooler always left unoccupied and nothing but time for you to get through your usual routine.

With this in mind, you can confidently say that nothing out of the ordinary ever happens at the gym. Well, could say. 

Carefully bringing your leg around to meet the other on your way off of the exercise bike, you're momentarily distracted by the sound of a nearby treadmill whirring so much hard that it sounds as though it may break. 

Lifting your towel and water bottle, you make your way over in curiosity. It almost seems as if whoever is on the treadmill moves even faster as you approach. Once you make it there, you’re met with the man who seems to be continuously haunting your surroundings. 

Despite his unruly purple hair in a band and all-black gym attire, vamp man still seems out of place. The athletic wear is a complete change of pace, considering the hoodie and leather jacket he was wearing during your first encounter. 

You rid yourself of any wandering thoughts about the man and focus on him being the reason that the treadmill is about to be on its last legs. You can’t bring yourself to look away from him; the sheer speed of his legs is mindblowing.  And a little ridiculous looking if you’re honest with yourself.

The moment is short lived when he slows to a stop, probably thinking the same thing that you are about the poor machine not being able to last another mile. He looks like he’s barely broken a sweat. Fucking vampires, you repeat to yourself.  

Just your luck, he notices your presence as he dabs the side of his not-even-sweating face with his towel. He begins to smirk at your eyes on him. 

“Little rude to stare, isn’t it?” he wonders aloud, voice much deeper and more luxurious than what you remember. Getting caught fills you with deep embarrassment. You stutter out a quick apology before making your way over to another machine. 

Even with your back facing away from any passing people as you continue your routine, you can practically feel his eyes boring into you.

A few minutes is all it takes for you to turn to check if your suspicions are correct. You’re met with his shameless stare. He’s not even making an attempt to hide his gaze either, leaning on one of the back walls as he watches you, large arms crossed over his broad chest somehow making the skin-tight shirt he’s wearing even tighter. 

This is torture, you think to yourself as you give him a polite smile, only to hear him chuckling at your strained smile.

“What? So you can stare but I can’t?” he tries, fully getting your attention once more as you stop what you’re doing. Sighing and smacking your machine, you come off of your machine and make your way back over to him.

Your confidence about approaching decreases as you see the full height difference between you two. You’re a fair bit smaller than he is. He looms over you even with his back still leaning against the wall.

“If you’re trying to stalk me, you’re doing a bad job. It should be me, after all. I’m the predator,” he lightly mocks you. 

You almost stomp your foot. “I am not stalking you!” you protest. “It isn’t my fault that you apparently go to the same coffee shop and gym as me.” 

He levels you with a delighted look. Humans usually don’t take his teasing well but you seem so much fun.

Throwing an annoyed peace sign at him, you make your way out of the gym.

third time: literally just that scene in the first twilight movie without edward doing donuts in his car into the lot

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing out at this time?” The low voice comes from your side, making every muscle in your body suddenly jolt. You just left your friends. Why do creeps seem to have a radar?

Even as you pick up your pace and ignore the question, it only seems to egg him on more. Right as he starts talking to you again, he’s swiftly cut off.

Feeling a small gust of wind at your back despite the calm night, you turn in confusion. Where did the creep go? Your question is answered when you watch him get slammed against the nearest storefront’s shutters. A much taller figure overshadows over him, hand around the creep’s throat. 

Even in the darkness, you can see the purple hair, unruly as ever starting from the collar of his coat. You stride over and pull on Shinso’s coat sleeve in hopes of ceasing his threatening actions—no matter how much the creep deserves the vampire’s ire. After all, you don’t want Shinso to end up with a track record after, like, a century (you’re guessing) without one.

“Shinso,” you say, eyes pleading as you look up at him—unaware of how much he enjoys hearing you so naturally say his name. He meets your stare briefly then rolls his eyes and releases his hold, watching the man scramble away. The chuckle that leaves him at the scene makes you wonder if he’s a sadist. 

Before you can wonder much more, he grips your hand tightly in his own as he leads you farther down the street. The clasp strangely comforting to you despite his freezing skin.

“You really need to stop being so irresponsible,” he tells you, tone almost mocking as he (somehow) takes every right path to your apartment building. There’s no point in questioning how he knows this. After all, for some reason, the world keeps leading you to him in an array of coincidences that are starting to feel less and less coincidental. 

When you let out a scoff, his hand seems to tighten further and you reflexively try to yank your hand away. He just stops in his tracks and turns to face you. There’s a look in his eyes you don’t question, especially since he speaks up before you do. 

“Don’t make me have to watch your every move to keep you out of trouble, I’d like to have a social life too, you know,” he grumbles, before turning to walk away. It leaves you a little dumbfounded to say the least, since you’re not exactly stopping him from having a life. Y’know, with, how totally unplanned these encounters are and all.

fourth time: the confrontation

Apparently, not one thing can be your own anymore. Not that you’re complaining, of course, but the sheer number of coincidences between you and Shinso is extraordinary and only seems to escalate. You keep running into him even in places so busy that you think there’s no chance of running into anybody you know. 

Now that Autumn is in full swing, the nights are colder and the leaves are dappled in brown and red shades. The perfect time to start going on walks through some of the bustling parks you live near. 

You love the scenery, especially the large lake that lies in the middle of your favorite park. As dusk rolls around, you take the chance to get a walk in to enjoy the now barely visible sunlight and to ponder a certain vampire. 

Not even one lap into walking around the lake, you catch sight of the colour that’s been plaguing your thoughts in your peripheral. 

The deep indigo colour is hard to miss, especially when it’s on the head of the vampire you keep running into. Though this time feels a little different since you finally catch him when he’s unaware of you.

Sitting on one of the benches facing the water, he’s wearing his typical hoodie and leather jacket and is holding what looks to be a book. What kind of book a vampire reads is beyond your imagination. 

All you know is that you finally have the opportunity to take the upper hand. Every time you see Shinso, he worms his way out of your questions. Or he leaves in an ominous distinctly vampire fashion.

There’s no reason for him to be everywhere you go, unless ... You want to confirm your hypothesis. 

The plan is simple. You’ll act like you're still out on your casual walk and you’ll walk up to the bench and sit down in a non-suspicious way. You nod to yourself. Perfect, flawless plan. 

It shockingly works … his book must be really good. You get all the way up to the bench without him acknowledging you. Since he’s only taking up one side, you don’t wait for verbal permission to sit down alongside him.

He still makes no indication that he notices you. His eyes never leave the book he has in his hands. You fixate your eyes on the silver ring on his index finger as he flicks through the pages. 

You lean in close and try to keep your smugness about finally startling him from bleeding into your voice when you speak. 

“You know, I’m starting to think you’re conveniently everywhere I go on purpose.”

For the first time ever, he’s the one caught off guard. Shinso flinches away from you and brings his eyes to meet yours. Without his signature smirk or witty comments, he simply gets up to take his leave. 

Well. This certainly isn’t going the way you want.

After your many encounters, you can pick up on his overall mood through his reactions to you. Though, he’s never reacted like this. At least not since the incident at the coffee shop.

The dismissal ignites irritation in you. Why is up to him whether or not you interacted? Taking the opportunity while you still have it, you follow him. 

It isn’t until he passes a large tree just off of the main path that you completely catch up to him. You realize he’ll easily slip away if you don’t move quickly. So you do, hand coming up to hit the tree trunk and essentially blocking his way. 

His eyes widen at you. However, he makes no attempt at escaping. 

“Why do we keep running into each other?” you ask with exasperation, eyes still on him as he moves to lean against the tree. You don’t move your hand, using it to grasp some control of the situation.

“You’re everywhere I go, it doesn’t matter where or when. You’re always there.” The rant is far from needed for him, he knows this already. But, you keep going. 

“What is this? Were we lovers in a past life or something? Do you have some unresolved feelings?” The way you’re rambling makes you impossibly endearing to him. His classic chuckle slipping out stops you in your tracks.

“Nothing of the sort,” he curtly replies. You cross your arms over your chest at his usual demeanor returning. “No such thing as reincarnated soulmates, at least with what I’ve experienced in my lifetime. Though, the feelings department…” As he continues, he leans closer to you. So much so you can almost feel his breath on your face and smell his warm, spicy cologne. 

“Is there a problem if I do have feelings for you?”

You blink at him. What? You don’t think you’ve ever been so caught off guard.. Feelings? Is that what this has all been about? 

Every previous encounter begins to run through your head and you start picking out small things that back up his statement. The lingering stares, teasing words, protective nature. You groan and drag your hands down your face. Man, you didn’t pick up on any of his hints. He must think you’re an idiot. 

Before you can give him an answer, he pushes off the tree, standing over you at full height. Assuming he’s about to attempt to leave once more, you’re surprised to see him turning back in the direction of the bench. When you make no effort to move, he reaches out and pulls you by your coat until his hand is in yours. 

“I’ll take that as not a problem.” A smirk still on his face due to you indirectly feeding his ego. 

Although, now walking beside him, you don’t miss the way his free hand reaches up to rub at the back of his neck. A gesture you recognise as one of his nervous tics. Did you do that to him? You grin at the idea that you make the great vampire feel that way.

“There’s a scooter rental place down by this side of the lake.” His voice brings you out of your thoughts, realising he’s been trying to hold eye contact with you. “I’ll make a deal with you, if you let me take you out on a ride around the lake, I’ll answer any questions you have, deal?”

The way he’s practically bargaining with you makes you want to laugh, but you keep your face neutral as you agree to his offer. Who turns down taking a romantic scooter ride with a hot vampire? Nobody. 

Of course, he takes any opportunity to tease you, so he rents a smaller scooter so you have to cling onto him.

You don’t complain though. How can you as you enjoy feeling his back muscles flex? Not to mention, he keeps his promise and answers any and every question you have about himself or his past. And, wow, he has an interesting and long past. 

As the sky turns dark and drips stars, you’re left with a feeling rising in your chest that you certainly don’t reject and with the hope of meeting him again—on purpose, this time. A planned event seems likely as you clutch the torn-out blank page of his book with his phone number scribbled across it in your fist.

one time: he gazes at you

“Hitoshi. You already have better night vision than me. This is so extra!” you protest, stumbling through the dark apartment as your vampiric boyfriend maneuvers you to ... his room, you think. 

Hitoshi just rubs soothing circles on your back and you just know the fucker is smirking. You hear the light click on. 

“You can take the blindfold off.” 

Tugging the blindfold off, you stare at the new object Hitoshi bought for his room. 

“Baby, this is a mirror.” 

He nods while leaning against his bed, looking infuriatingly pretty per usual. 

“You can’t even see yourself in a mirror. Why?” You arch an eyebrow in Hitoshi’s direction, trying to explain your absolute bafflement at his purchase. 

“In case you’re here and want to check yourself out.”  

You see nothing but innocence plastered on his facial expression but did you trust it? No. 

A mindblowing second later, he stands in front of you, caressing your face with calloused, cold hands. A nice contrast to the sweltering temperature in his room he set for you. Hitoshi leans in to kiss you, gentle but firm. Your hands go up to fist his shirt as he intensifies the kiss. 

He slides his hands down your cheek to stroke your lip and then slowly skims down your body.  

“It would be a great idea to take this off,” he whispers, playing with the hem of your shirt. 

You eagerly nod as he strips you out of your shirt and pants. Awareness of his plans finally clicks when he turns you to face the mirror. 

The remark on the tip of your tongue dies when Hitoshi rolls your nipples through the thin lace of your bra. You arch into his touch as he gently pinches and pulls them. God, your panties are already drenched and nipples hard. 

“Fuck,” you moan as Hitoshi slides your panties to the side. Letting you lean against his corded chest, he hitches one of your legs off the floor. 

“Go on, spread yourself open. Let me see how wet your slutty cunt is,” he murmurs into your ear. 

You hard swallow as you spread your glistening lips open for him, strands of your arousal clinging to your fingers when you pull them away. Hitoshi digs his hand into your thigh.

“Did I tell you to stop?” He sounds amused as he uses his other hand to pull your hair by the roots.

“No, no, daddy, I’m sorry,” you apologize and move your hand back to where it belongs. 

“Good girl, look at yourself. Wrecked without even being fucked.” You stare at yourself in the mirror with a half-lidded gaze. He’s right. With your heaving chest and puffy, soaked pussy, you look like you’ve been railed. But instead, you continue to spread open your aching pussy for your fully clothed boyfriend.

“Daddy, daddy, please touch me,” you plead as you grind against his hard bulge, desperate for any kind of friction. 

“Are you going to be a good girl for me?” If you were any more lucid, you’d have smacked Hitoshi for his lilting tease. 

“Aren’t I always a good girl,” you whine, hands clambering at his thighs. 

He chuckles at that, kissing your head before somehow gracefully crumpling to the ground with you in his lap. In a blink, he has you spread out in his lap as he plays with your clit. He slides a thick finger inside your tiny cunny as he grazes your shoulder with his canines.

“Look at you,” he coos. “You look so good like this, my darling little slut.” 

You don’t even have a retort, too enraptured by the sight of Hitoshi fingerfucking your sopping cunt with his invisible hand. The way your cunt opens for him and gapes in the mirror spellbinding for both of you.

You moan as your hips jerk up. There’s not much more he loves than how your lips part and your legs shake at how he strokes his finger inside of you. 

“More,” you beg. How can he resist your dazed expression? 

“Such a needy baby,” he tsks as he scissors you open with another finger. 

Another strum of your clit and pinch of your nipple and you’re gone, eyes squeezing shut. Your juices surely ruining his pants as you writhe in his lap. 

He cradles your cheek and then grips your chin to turn you back to the mirror. 

“Look at yourself, pretty girl. Such a fucked out mess.” 

You gaze at the bruises blooming over your shoulders and down your neck and shudder, pleased. The aftershocks of your orgasm leave you warm as you languidly suck your juices off Hitoshi’s fingers.  

“Toshi!” you squeal as he gently deposits you on his bed and pulls his clothes off. The bed is purely decorative and for you considering he doesn’t sleep. Although, even with a bed, you guys still fuck over every surface in his apartment. 

Your sensitivity protests fall to deaf ears as he bends your knees to your chest. This time, Hitoshi is the one to spread you open. He slaps your cunt and you claw at the sheets. Pumping two fingers slowly in and out of you, he uses his other hand to roughly pull down your bra.

His chapped lips wrapping around your nipple and cold fingers groping your other breast feel overwhelming. Hitoshi cages you in, sucking wet kisses over your tits, leaving you no room to evade his overstimulation as you squirm to get away from his fingers fucking up into you. 

Your sore nipples and cunt get a moment of reprieve as he moves down to concentrate on marking bites all over your plush thighs. Instantly, you miss being full. 

When he passes your empty, clenching cunt for the third time to suck bruises on your inner thighs, you burst. 

“Daddy, please, please, fuck me!” 

Hitoshi trails kisses up your heated skin to your throat, laving over the hickies he left.

“Beautiful,” he croons as he finally positions his tip against your hole and pushes in. The praise and stretch make you whine. He stills as your tiny cunt clenches around him. Your warm, drenched walls wrapping around his cock makes him toss his head back in pleasure. 

“My patient good girl,” he groans, pulling at your nipples. 

“Fuck—more, daddy, more,” you curse as you squirm, your hips rocking up to meet his shallow thrusts. He doesn’t reply and grazes his fangs over your pulse point as he holds your hips down. 

Your breath hitches—and he abruptly pulls back.

“Did my baby think I was going to bite her?” Hitoshi gives you a lazy smirk as he keeps his vexingly slow pace, watching his cock drag in and out of your creaming cunt. 

His large hand wrapping around your neck makes you squeak and suddenly tighten around him. Your favorite necklace. Knowing he’s using an insignificant fraction of his strength to please you makes your eyes roll back as your breath stutters.

“That’s it, cum for me, pretty girl.” Hitoshi starts a punishing pace as he strokes your clit with his free hand. His dark eyes never leave his hand wrapped around your throat, your ravishing lightheaded face and your bouncing tits. Hitoshi’s furrowed expression as he drags his tongue over his canines in concentration makes you whimper. 

You buck against him, gushing around him and crying out his name.

The way you cum so prettily for him has Hitoshi hissing your name in your ear as he thrusts deep into your spasming cunt, chasing his own release. Intertwining his hands with yours, he presses you into the mattress to pin you down. Before long, his orgasm washes over him. 

You gaze contentedly at Hitoshi as he pulls out, feeling empty already—and then you realize. 

“Hitoshi! I swear to god if I look like a grape again,” you threaten as you try to stand up to head to the bathroom. 

You don’t even take a step before he whisks you into his bathroom, laughing at you and kissing your forehead. 

Well. You suppose looking like a grape isn’t that bad.

#bnha smut #shinsou smut #mha smut #pomoboba writes #pomoboba.nsfw #shinso smut #hitoshi shinsou smut

[backtothestart02]

Just Best Friends - 9/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: “It’s been 84 years...” lolz. I hope you enjoy this! I don’t know when the next chap will come, but as soon as I can write it, I will!

...

Chapter 9 -

A week passed. During that week, Iris made herself completely unreachable – not just to Barry but to Eddie as well. She worked through lunch, so Barry couldn’t take her out, and she worked late hours, so that by the time she returned to hers and Eddie’s apartment, she was so exhausted, she could only heat up some leftovers and collapse onto their bed when she was finished with them.

That also meant no sex, no cuddling, and hardly any talking that wasn’t an incredibly brief apology before passing out or running out the door. And for Barry, it was just one excuse after another, though they always sounded very similar.

Sorry, I have so much work to do. Or… Maybe another time? I just got a new story, and I have a hot lead on it.

He always understood in words, but she could see the disappointment on his face every time. As well as her failure to respond to the fresh bouquet of flowers he set on her desk daily.

They weren’t just excuses though. They were legitimate…most of the time. Were they unnecessary? Probably. She didn’t have to go out of her way to beg her boss for more stories, or to work so far ahead of schedule that she felt she was on the verge of a burn out or collapse.

But she didn’t know how to act now that Eddie was back. She knew she needed to break up with him. She knew that. But she didn’t want to break his heart, and she wasn’t 100% sure Barry would just agree to date her after the hell she’d put him through emotionally. So avoiding both of them seemed to be the only way out.

She’d also come to the conclusion that while irritating, her dad going out of his way to forbid Barry to tell her he was the Flash had come from a place of love, and that she couldn’t stay mad at him any more than she could with Barry. The only problem was she found having that conversation with him was almost impossible because either Eddie or Barry or both seemed to be in his vicinity at all times.

Little did she know though that there was one other person who was taking a keen interest in the situation developing over the past week, and it was the one person she’d been paranoid about for a while before Eddie came back, and who she’d entirely forgotten about as the weight of the three men in her life came barreling down on her.

And that person had apparently had enough of what she was doing and had decided to seek her out for a confrontation of sorts shortly after Barry left during his lunch break for the fifth time that week.

With a slow yet determined saunter, Linda approached Iris’ desk just as soon as Mason disappeared for his daily lunch walk.

“Iris.”

The familiar voice made her freeze. She recovered quickly, but she had a feeling Linda had caught her red-handed and completely unprepared for where this particular conversation would lead. After all, the last time they’d “talked”, Linda had completely brushed her off, and the time before that Linda had told her to her face that she knew Iris had feelings for Barry, even when she’d still been in denial of that fact herself.

“Linda.” She shuffled her papers around on her desk to somehow fill the awkwardness of the moment. “What, uh…what can I do for you?”

Linda folded her arms and sat on the corner of Iris’ desk.

“Was that Barry that just left?”

“Hmm?” She decided to play dumb. “Oh, yeah, it was. He uh, wanted to go to lunch. I told him I had work to do, which I did – do. So, if you don’t mind?”

Linda’s jaw actually dropped.

“Dismissing me so quickly? If I recall correctly, the last time we talked, you were only too eager to get my attention.”

Iris bit her tongue to keep from responding with something she’d regret.

“Let me guess. You’re giving me a taste of my own medicine?” Linda raised her eyebrows.

Iris cleared her throat.

“Not at all. I just…I have work to do. A lot of it.”

“You’ve had a lot of work to do for the past five days, haven’t you?”

Iris’ eyes squinted.

“Have you been…spying on me?”

“Please.” Iris waited. “I’ve been talking to Barry. He’s needed someone to vent to, you know, since before Eddie came back you were practically climbing on top of him every day at lunch and after work and sometimes before work, according to him.”

“That’s not how it was,” Iris said under her breath.

“No? You better clear that up with your supposed best friend then, because that’s how he saw it. He’s crushed that you’re avoiding him again.” She leaned forward. “Which you are doing, right? Neither of us is buying that you suddenly have so much work to do.”

“I do!” Iris snapped. “I…I asked for it.”

Linda’s eyes widened and her mouth formed an ‘o’.

“And why would you do that?”

She started shuffling her papers again.

“That’s none of your business.”

“You made it my business when you made out with my boyfriend after sticking your finger in his mouth and sitting on his lap on our date.”

Iris sighed testily.

“I thought you two broke up.”

“We did.”

“Do you wish you hadn’t? I know it wasn’t your idea.”

“I’m not stupid, Iris. I’m not going to blindly fight for a relationship with someone who clearly wants to be with someone else.”

Iris bit her lip, avoiding eye contact.

“He does?” she asked quietly.

“He’s in love with you!” She lowered her voice when she got a few looks. “He’d take you in a heartbeat,” she paused. “If that’s what you want.”

Iris swallowed.

“But you don’t know what you want, do you?”

“Yes, I…I do.”

“Then what do you want? Please, tell me at least.”

“Why?” She met her eyes again and glared. “So you can run off and tell Barry? Or Eddie?”

Linda rolled her eyes.

“I have no reason to tell your boyfriend anything. Barry, however, I do still care about. And we’re friends now. He deserves to know the truth, even if it isn’t from you. He’s going crazy with all your…mixed signals.”

Iris nibbled on her lip again, guilt weighing her down.

“Iris, hey, there’s something I wanted to…” Mason approached, then came to an abrupt halt, sensing the tension between the two women immediately. “Am I interrupting something?” He looked between the two.

“Not at all.” Linda smiled serenely before looking down at Iris one last time. “You know where to find me, Iris.”

Iris gulped, not looking at her but nodded just before Linda retreated – finally – to her desk across the room.

“What was that about?”

Iris closed her eyes and shook her head before swiveling in her chair toward him.

“Nothing. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

His eyes were full of suspicion, but it was clear his need to discuss something with her was greater.

“I want to show you something.” He took the seat Linda had vacated, then pulled out a folder, revealing to her a familiar face she’d nearly forgotten. “Simon Stagg. Remember him?”

…

Well, there was no longer any way of avoiding it. She had to seek out Barry. Mason’s suspicions about Harrison Wells stirred her insides too deeply, and honestly, made her worried about her best friend, since she knew how much he adored who had become to be his mentor. There was Caitlin and Cisco to consider too, who had known Dr. Wells even longer, but right now all she cared about was Barry.

So, she marched over to CCPD shortly after her conversation with Mason, using the excuse of pursuing a story – which, more or less, she was – to explain her absence at her work site and sought out Barry as soon as she stepped out of the elevator.

Unfortunately, her dad’s eyes locked with hers first. She swallowed, remembering how things were between them. She considered then abandoning a much-needed talk with Barry to finally hash things out with her dad. That course of action was dashed however, when within seconds he had looked away from her and gestured instead in her direction to whoever was standing across from him.

She should’ve known then who it would be, but it didn’t occur to her until he was walking toward her, a grin on his face, no doubt thinking she was there to see him.

“Iris, hey.” He kissed her before she could even think to turn her cheek to him. “Did you have a late lunch today? I have some time now. We cou-”

“Oh, actually, I’m here to see, Barry. Is he upstairs?”

“Huh?”

“In his lab?”

Eddie blinked.

“Um, yeah, as far as I know. There are no active crime scenes where he’d be at otherwise.”

“Great. Thanks. I’ll see you tonight.”

She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and headed towards the staircase before he could so much as pull her in for an explanation or something more.

Feeling confused and honestly a little hurt, Eddie returned to his desk, Joe sitting now at his, ignoring Eddie’s state as best as he could.

“Should I be worried?” he finally asked.

Joe pretended not to have heard him.

“Joe.”

“Hmm?” he asked, not looking up from the files he was pretending to look over in front of him.

“Should I be worried?”

“About what?”

“About Iris,” he said, as if it should be obvious.

Despite how he felt about the man dating his daughter, Joe looked up to address him. He was also his partner, after all.

“Why are you worried about her?”

Eddie let out a cough of relief, eager to unload his troubles onto somebody – anybody – who would listen.

“She’s made herself busy ever since I got back.”

“She has a job. So do you.”

“More so than usual though,” he pushed on. “She leaves earlier than she used to, and she comes home really late. When she does, she eats some leftovers and crawls into bed without so much as a ‘hey, how was your day’ or ‘I love you, too, Eddie’.” He frowned. “It worries me.”

Now Joe frowned.

“She’s been avoiding Barry too.”

Eddie’s frown deepened.

“When had Barry been trying to meet up with her?”

“On her lunch breaks,” he blurted without thinking, then met his eyes, trying to play it off. “She always says she’s too busy working on a story.”

Eddie leaned back in his seat.

“I haven’t tried to meet up with her for lunch at all this week. I guess I’m so used to her coming here, and if she didn’t, that she had a good reason. I guess she did.”

“Well, there you go.”

Joe started to stand, eager to escape the awkwardness of the conversation.

“But I mean, we haven’t had sex all week.”

Joe finished straightening, then shot him a glare. Eddie’s face fell.

“You didn’t want to hear that.”

“Not particularly, no,” Joe said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

He turned and headed for the bathroom. Any place was better than this.

…

About a step and a half before the entryway to Barry’s lap, Iris stalled, nibbling on her bottom lip. Barry had been as pleasant during her intended lunch break as he’d been all week, but she still wondered how accepting he’d be of her, especially when he found out this was a working meeting. She definitely needed to apologize first. How and when was the question, though. It was still beyond her how he hadn’t lashed out at her yet. She’d been treating him so unfairly, and yet time and time again, he kept crawling back to her, as if he was a glutton for punishment.

Well, no more of that. She couldn’t guarantee when she would break up with Eddie, but maybe Linda was right and she could at least explain her behavior this week and tell him she planned to break up with Eddie. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe…eventually.

“Is someone there?” Barry called out, and Iris realized she’d started tapping her shoe against the floor in time with the rapid rhythm of her mind.

She stopped abruptly, then cleared her throat and peeked her head into the doorway.

“Hey.”

She gave an awkward hand wave.

“Iris?”

His brows furrowed, but he started to smile. Lord, help her, it made her heart do a flip.

“What are you doing out there?” He got up out of his seat and headed towards her. “And why didn’t you just come in?”

“S-sorry,” she stuttered, shocked by it as much as he was, then forced herself to walk through the door.

He came to a stop as soon as she was inside and waited for her explanation.

“I guess I didn’t know if you’d want to see me.”

He gawked.

“Iris, I’ve been trying to see you all week.”

“No, I know. Of course. Right. But uh…I thought my rejecting you today might’ve been your breaking point, and that you wouldn’t want to see me now. Without an apology. Which I am totally willing to make, by the way.” Her chuckle was strained, and she couldn’t meet his eyes.

“What’s there to apologize for?” he asked. “You had work to do. That isn’t your fault. I’m sure you’ve been working hard to catch up.”

“Actually…” She took another step toward him. “I haven’t.”

His brows furrowed, and he sat back down.

“I don’t follow.”

She sighed and sat on the corner of his desk, the only spot where there wasn’t files or a conglomeration of office supplies.

“I asked for extra work.” She swallowed. “On Monday.”

He tilted his head, confused.

“I was trying to be busy. On purpose.” She licked her lips. “So I’d be too busy if you came to see me.”

He froze, his heart thudding away inside his chest. He didn’t know how to take that bit of information, and honestly, he was crushed.

“I don’t understand…you didn’t want to see me?”

The hurt in his voice was palpable. Iris hated that she was doing this to him again. He shouldn’t even want to be her friend after this, no matter how apologetic she was.

“Not just you,” she said, hoping that would soften the blow. “Eddie too. And my dad.”

He was mystified by that. He understood Joe, what with the Flash business and all that, but Eddie?

“What have you got against Eddie?”

“Nothing!” she burst, then got up and started to pace. “I just…” She licked her lips, unable to stop walking and unable to form words either, it seemed. She couldn’t stop though. Not to leave, not to make eye contact. Her hard was pounding, and her breath was coming in short bursts. She felt everything closing in around her and wondered if she was having a panic attack.

Suddenly, she stopped and forced herself to look at him.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No,” he said instantly, standing too. “I want an explanation.”

She swallowed.

“I thought you and I were good last week.”

“We were,” she said. “We are.”

“Yet you purposely didn’t want me near you this week?”

Her knees locked, and she tensed up.

“And Eddie…what in the world did he do except home to you? I would’ve thought you’d be happy about that.”

Tears welled in her eyes. Her fingers were sweaty and tingled. She didn’t answer. She couldn’t.

“Iris.”

Answer.

“I don’t love him anymore!”

She covered her mouth at the same moment his eyes bulged, and he nearly stumbled backward.

“What?” he finally managed.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair as she started to pace again.

“I realized it last week. Or rather, I’ve been slowly realizing it for the past several weeks. I’ve just been…in denial.”

Barry’s pulse started racing. He approached her moving form with one determined step after another.

“What have you been in denial about, Iris?”

She stopped.

“What I just said!” She licked her lips again. “I don’t love him. I’m not in love with him anymore. But I don’t…I don’t know how to tell him. I don’t want to break his heart. Especially after I went out of my way to make him feel bad about thinking there was anything between us, when really-”

“Wait, wait, wait, us? As in, you and I, us?”

She looked up at him reluctantly and nodded.

“Yeah.”

“He doesn’t know I told you how I felt, does he? At Christmas?”

“No!” Her eyes widened. “No, I didn’t tell him that. He’d probably have punched you by now if I had.”

Barry paled, then squeaked, “Really?”

“Uh-huh,” she confirmed.

“W-Why?” He wrapped his arm around the back of his head.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He gave her a blank look. “You were trying to get his girlfriend to break up with him. To be with you.”

Barry thought about it for a few seconds, then realized that yeah, he kind of had been. He shook his head after he got past that thought.

“I still don’t understand though. If you didn’t tell him about that…” He locked eyes with her. “Did you tell him you…find me attractive?”

“Oh, God, no.” She pressed her face into her hands. “That would’ve been even worse.”

“Worse than a love confession? How?”

“Because it’s coming from me! And I…”

“What?”

She power-walked to right in front of him and prepared herself for the blow of all blows.

“I don’t just find you attractive, Barry. I have…I have feelings for you.”

I’m in love with you – But she couldn’t admit to that yet. Not while she was still dating Eddie.

He swallowed, fighting with the smile that wanted to take over his face.

“What kind of feelings?”

“Barry.” Her voice softened. “You know what kind.”

“Tell me,” he said. “Just so I know for sure.”

He was holding his breath, and she couldn’t blame him. Honestly, she was on the brink of holding hers too.

“You make my heart race, Barry.”

“Iris.”

He started to lean in, and it took all of her willpower to step back out of reach.

“No, we can’t. I can’t. It’s bad enough I cheated once. This can’t go any farther until it’s over.” She met his eyes. “Until Eddie and I are over.”

Barry swallowed.

“And when will that be?”

Her shoulders slumped, and her bottom lip quivered.

“I don’t know.”

His shoulders caved in as well. He forced himself not to get mad, but he couldn’t help feeling disappointed. So, the love of his life finally felt the same way, but she wouldn’t let herself act on it? And she wouldn’t do the one thing that would allow them to be together.

“Is that the only thing you came to tell me?” he asked, unable to keep some chill out of his words.

Iris supposed she couldn’t blame him.

“No…” she admitted, deciding not to mention how she hadn’t meant to tell him as much as she had.

“What else?”

She pursed her lips, hating that she had to turn this conversation into a business one before she could give him the answer that he wanted.

“What else, Iris?” he asked, sounding exhausted when she didn’t answer for too long.

“It’s about, Dr. Wells,” she finally said.

That caught him off guard.

“Dr. Wells? What does he have to do with anything?”

“I hope nothing, but just in case…can we go somewhere else? To talk?”

He wanted to ask her what was wrong with his lab, but he supposed the fresh air would do them both good. Give them a clear head and put everything she’d already said to rest for the time being. After all, she sounded awfully serious about whatever else she wanted to talk about.

“Sure,” he said. “Just let me grab my jacket.”

“Barry,” she called after him as he walked by her.

He stopped when he reached his garment.

“I’m sorry about…everything.”

“Don’t worry about it, Iris,” he said, as he slid his arms through the sleeves. “It’s fine.”

…

Hours later, and on a whim, Eddie found himself at a jewelry store – diamonds, to be more specific. In the back of his mind, he knew his intentions probably weren’t smart. Especially not right now, not with the way things were between him and Iris, especially this week. But there was another part of him that thought this might be just the thing to jolt their relationship back into what it had once been and the potential of what it could be, the future he’d seen from almost the minute he started dating her.

He pointed out a ring nestled in velvet that caught his eye in the display case below him. An employee walked up, inspired by his curiosity and tried to catch his attention.

“Sir?”

“Can I see that one, please?”

The man smiled.

“Of course.”

He reached for the key and unlocked the case. Just as he was pulling the velvet block out with the specified ring upon it, Eddie’s phone started to vibrate.

“Oh, excuse me.”

He turned partially away and glanced at the screen on his phone. He answered immediately, a smile on his face.

“Hey, Iris, what’s up?”

“I’m home,” she said, and he could hear the frown in her voice.

“So early?”

“Yeah, I felt bad for coming home so late every night this week…I thought we could have dinner together.”

“That sounds great.”

“Yeah?” She sounded relieved.

“Definitely. I’m uh…just running a last-minute errand. I’ll be home soon.”

“Okay. See you then.”

“See you.”

He turned back to the jeweler as he slid the phone back in his pocket, and his eyes widened with enthusiasm as the ring was presented to him.

“Oh, yeah. This is the one.”

#westallen #westallen fanfiction #backtothestart02 fanfiction #just best friends #chapter 9

[hotdamnhunnam]

Will Miller: Sex in Publix

A/N: FINALLY writing for Will Fucking “Ironhead” Miller from Triple Frontier!!! So excited, my dears!! Here’s some smut about you helping Will recover from his violent cereal aisle incident at Publix... which results in you two having shameless public sex.

Pairing: Will “Ironhead” Miller x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, reference to traumatic experience, sex in public (obvs) Inspiration: WILL’S SPEECH from the opening scene of the movie. Serious big dick energy 🥵

Word Count: ~2.5k

** THE SPEECH **

Quoted from Triple Frontier’s opening scene

Parts that are referenced in this fic are in bold below. (You seriously need to watch it, though...)

About five years ago, when I was on leave... I found myself standing in the middle of the cereal aisle at the Publix... with my arm around some guy's throat. I was squeezing so hard he pissed himself.  My fiancée at the time had to climb on my back just so I didn’t actually kill the guy.  Do you know why I was doing this? Because he hadn’t moved his cart when I asked.  I was the best of the best, able to shut down, control, manipulate... all basic human instincts towards one goal: the completion of my mission. But the effects of committing extreme violence on other human beings are biological and physiological. That’s the price of being a warrior.

Fic begins after ‘Keep reading’ ...

***************

A/N: Why yes, I just inserted the same gif again, so that you have the image right above, for purposes of the description of this mouthwatering motherfucker doing his GODDAMN CHEWING GUM LOWER LIP TONGUE THING in the third paragraph 😛

“We shouldn’t even be here...”

“Will, you say that every time,” you remind your fiancé as he strolls your cart through the aisles at Publix, slowly approaching Aisle 6. You can feel him tense up now as you’re drawing near. “It’s like I told you, babe—the best way to work through your shit is to come and revisit the scene of the crime.”

“Crime?” he rolls his tongue around the piece of gum he’s chewing, lets it slide along the inside of his full pink lower lip. He knows just what he’s doing: making it bulge in a way that looks fucking delicious. That action in itself is a crime calling for arrest. “You know the guy didn’t press charges.”

“That’s because you threatened to kill him if he did. Besides, the poor bastard had just pissed all over the floor; I’m pretty sure he wasn’t going wild to include that kind of detail if he filed a police report.”

He shrugs that off with a half-laugh. Tries to ignore how he had choked a total stranger with such brutal force... simply because he hadn’t moved his cart when Will had asked. “The fact stands that I’m criminally innocent.”

“Of course. The perfect model citizen,” you can’t help but indulge him in a playful little compliment. “With model good looks, too.”

Will rolls his eyes, those eyes you constantly effuse are the most gorgeous shade of blue. He never seems to think it’s true. “Butter me up, why don’t you.”

“Like I always do.”

He cracks a smile, which quickly vanishes as you reach Aisle 6. “Speaking of which, didn’t we just finish the butter in the fridge? I’ll go and grab some; maybe you can get the cereal, then meet me in the dairy aisle...”

“Nice try, big guy—not happening. Come on,” you urge, taking a soft yet firm hold of his muscular upper arm. “What, are you scared of Cap’n Crunch or something? Man up, Captain. Don’t be a pussy ass bitch.”

“Cap’n Crunch is creepy as shit. Freaked me out as a kid,” he says with an exaggerated cringe. “But seriously, babe—you know that going back there makes me... twitch.”

“And I’ll be there to hold your hand, and talk you through it, like I always am,” you reassure him. “Will, it’s gotten better every time we visit. We’ve made real progress; it’s a process, and to be honest, I think it’s almost finished.”

He bites that luscious lip of his. “What if it isn’t.”

“Then we’ll keep trying till it is, okay? You have to trust me. Either way, we’ll hurry home, soon as we’re done... so you can fuck me.”

His eyes light up at that, just as you knew they would, and he pushes the cart straight ahead. Not afraid to admit he’s been played. “Damn does my girl know how to control and manipulate...”

“I learned from the best of the best, as they say. My big strong ironhead fiancé.”

As it turns out today, the sex will happen long before you leave the store. Neither of you will be able to wait.

***************

“So. How you feeling?” you ask him, standing by his side in the spot where it happened. As he stands still and stares, you reach up to comb your fingers through the soft golden spikes of his hair, hoping that the tender loving touch will help his healing.

Will chews his gum a little harder, with a firm clench of his jaw. Blue eyes a little darker. And good God—you shouldn’t be having these thoughts, but fuck, the smoldering look on his face right now is just about the hottest thing you ever saw...

You can see the scenes replay inside his mind. Not just the incident itself, choking a random guy in Publix half to death, squeezing so hard the bastard lost his breath and pissed himself—but more importantly, the underlying cause. Years of trauma, molding Will into a man that he himself feared and despised. So many years spent searching for the kind of peace he always craved but thought he’d never find. 

He tells you often how he found it in your arms; though you’re a sucker for his charms, you always brush the line aside. That shit’s just corny. And besides, he only says it when he’s horny... which is all the fucking time.

One of the many things that you two have in common. Ever since Will Miller claimed you as his woman, the two of you have been getting it on so fucking often that it’s probably a crime.

You try to stop your mind from wandering in that direction. Will needs to process heavy shit right now and you’re supposed to help him. Shouldn’t get distracted by your own lady erection, as you silently admire him in all his alpha male perfection... mind burning with questions—like, but how the hell can it even be possible to be so fucking beautiful...?

His hands aren’t twitching in the way that often happens when he’s here, but still, he’s awfully tense and quieter than usual. Maybe it’s time to head out of the cereal aisle; return some other time, after a little while. You hold him close to whisper in his ear, stroking his arm with a warmhearted smile. “Listen, babe—if you don’t want to talk... then let’s go home and crack open some beer, or a bottle of wine... I’ll suck your cock, and everything will be just fine. I’m proud of you for coming here today. Now let’s get out of here so you can come someplace better, okay?”

Now at that, Will at last has a few words to say. He snaps out of his self-hating haze and attacks you just with the sheer power of his deep blue gaze. “Mmm, you mean like deep inside my filthy little whore of a fiancée?”

You feign offense, reacting with a gasp, dealing his upper arm a playful little slap. “Captain Miller! What gives you the right to talk to me like that—in public, no less? Show some damn respect.”

He answers with a flirty, dirty laugh. “Respect my ass.”

“I do, and you know that. It’s perfect,” you remind him as you reach around to grab it through his pants, loving the way the sculpted muscle tenses up beneath your hands. “And I respect it even better when it’s naked, so let’s get—”

“Gimme a minute,” he interrupts you with a kiss on the top of your head. “You know, before you started talking all that frisky business... I was just about to tell you that I think we’re finally finished. Babe, you did it.”

You pause, dropping your jaw—does he mean what you think he does? Now that the tone is back to serious, you free his fine ass from the grasp of your horny claws. “...did it?”

Will smiles and nods. “I know my stubborn ass kept resisting these visits. But you were right, babe. Like always. I think I’ve finally gotten past this shit. I mean—not all my shit; that’s a serious beast. But the whole Publix incident, at least. I just... today I finally felt released. At peace with it.”

There are no words to capture how giddy you feel. You wrap your arms around his neck with an excited squeal, heartbeat happily racing. “Babe, that’s amazing! We did it. I may be the one with all the brilliant ideas, but you were smart enough to listen.”

He lets out a soft giggle, hugging you so hard it tickles. “I still say you get all the credit. Manipulating me with all those promises of sex the way you did. Straight up forcing me into submission.”

“Oh, don’t put it that way. Now let’s not forget who’s the dom in the bedroom. Promise you’ll always play Captain, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckles. “Whatever you say.”

The one thing on your mind as you snuggle into his embrace is this man smells like actual heaven... hot damn. You pull back from the hug, desperate to get home and get fucked. But there’s still one more thing to get out of the way.

You make some effort to compose yourself before what’s coming next. “Oh, and before we go—there’s something else I wanted you to know. Now that your issue’s been addressed... well, I also have something to confess.”

After those words, you pause for longer than you should. Which isn’t good.

“Go on?” Will holds your hand and gives you an encouraging, heartwarming nod.

Ugh, he’s so cute when he’s all soft and full of love. Despite being so big and tough. All at once a sugar baby muffin and a savage fucking sex god.

You clear your throat, collecting your slightly embarrassing thoughts. “So, when the whole... incident happened, in the moments just before I climbed onto your back, to pull you off of that poor man, I was just—watching you attack... and... well, at first I didn’t even know how to react, because... uhhh...”

Those blue eyes of his blink, and you can barely even think. Apparently you have a goddamn golden eyelash kink?

Will tries to urge you to continue; though it’s clear he’s quite sincere, he’s also more than just a little bit amused. He always loves to see you bumbling like a fool and acting totally uncool. He says it’s super cute. “Because what?”

You re-clear your throat, though it’s all clear already. Try to stay somewhat calm and steady. Keep your hormones in control. You are in public after all; people can see you even if they’re out of earshot. “I don’t know, it’s just—watching you do that was... I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was fucked up, and yes I knew it had to stop—but it was also... you know... super fucking hot?”

He blinks again, brows arching up a bit. “You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Y/N, I... I was out of my damn mind. Completely out of line. Like, deadly dangerous.”

“Oh, you think I didn’t notice?”

“No, I know you did...”

Fucking hell. You pull your hand from his and turn toward the shelves, grabbing a random box of cereal to occupy yourself. “Now you’re kink-shaming me. Never done that before, but now the truth comes out that I’m a sick and twisted whore—”

“What? Y/N, come on,” he groans, wrapping his arms around you from behind, the kind of big bear hug that always feels like home. “You know that isn’t how I meant it...”

“No, forget it. Just forget I ever said it.”

“Can’t really do that, to be honest. Babe, I’m into all your kinks, I promise. I just need a sec to process this.”

“Seriously—Will, this whole cereal aisle shouldn’t be about me. Even just mentioning it like I did was selfish. So forget it.”

“I’m not gonna just...”

“Hey, I have an idea,” you interrupt, eager to change the subject, as you now notice that you’d just happened to pick a box of Cap’n Crunch. With the creepy cartoon captain’s face emblazoned on the front. “What if you need a final outlet? Just to let off any steam that might be lingering, to make sure that you’ve really gotten over the whole cereal aisle incident?”

Will purrs as he leans closer into your shoulder. You stupidly assume he’s also looking at the cereal box you’re holding, but he isn’t. “Hmmm, you thinking what I’m thinking...?”

As it happens, you’re totally oblivious to what he just implied, since you’re still trying to recover from embarrassment. You step off to the side, pulling away from his embrace so that you’re standing face to face. And hold the box in front of you like it’s a martial arts board made for him to break. “Here, if you need something to punch... why don’t you let it out on Cap’n Crunch.”

He blinks, again, apparently a little stunned. You’re too oblivious to even notice that he has a hard on.

You gesture toward the crunchy cap’n. “Go on. Clock him one.”

Will shifts uncomfortably in an attempt to hide the stiffness of his cock. “Punch a cereal box? Babe, this is fucking ridiculous...”

“This creepy bastard haunted you throughout your childhood,” you remind him. “Come on, do it, Will. Show him who’s captain. You know it’ll feel good.”

He tosses a quick glance behind him to make sure that no one’s around to witness. “Can’t believe I’m gonna do this, but if you insist...”

Balling his right hand up into a fist, he fucking launches it at the cartoon son of a bitch. You know he didn’t go full force—the blow would’ve thrust you and Cap’n both across the room, of course—but he went hard enough to cause the cardboard box serious damage.

Will looks down at the damage he caused to his childhood nemesis, more pleased with it than he’d like to admit. “Well, shit.”

You flash him a triumphant grin, glad for the win. “Felt great, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it did,” he laughs at himself with a shake of his head. “But the box is all busted.”

“Well, we are model citizens, so we’re obviously going to take responsibility and pay for this,” you tell him. “And William—don’t even think about bitching that Cap’n Crunch isn’t a worthwhile purchase. The catharsis that he just provided was worth it.”

Your fiancé is fully in agreement with that sentiment. “Sounds perfect.”

Moving toward your shopping cart, you pause before throwing the box in, stopping to salute the captain with one hand over your heart. “We thank you, Cap’n, for your service.”

Will lets out one of his loud, loving laughs and hugs you from the back again. “My God, you’re such a fucking dork...”

You shrug, melting into the hug. “Well, my dorky ass just singlehandedly took care of your entire healing process. So don’t knock it if it worked.”

“Oh, I wasn’t gonna knock it,” Will replies, suddenly spinning you around with your back up against the shelves, so you can see and feel the feral fire in his eyes. You practically just wet yourself. Even more so upon the words he utters next. “I was just thinking that I really wanna fuck it.”

Holy hell. This man is living breathing sex. Your words come out all jumbled up and shit. “What—how... you mean right now? In public?”

Will grinds his hips into your crotch so you can finally feel the stiffness of his dick. God, it’s so big. His every word and action never fail to make your pussy twitch. “Hmm, what is that I’m hearing... judgment? Are you kink-shaming me, bitch?”

Hot damn, you love how playfully sadistic your fiancé is. “No, I wouldn’t fucking dream of it. I love it,” you respond, succumbing to the force of his cock and the heat of your cunt. For good measure before you both give yourselves over to such guilty pleasure, to everything both of you want, you glance nervously up and down Aisle 6. 

All is clear at the moment. And if that unexpectedly changes... you know there’s a risk, the constant threat of danger of onlooking strangers... well, fuck it. You and Will won’t let that stop you from indulging in some shameless sex in Publix.

***************

... Continued in Part 2!

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[tjlikesprettythings]

@thatwaxlion: Also, wouldn't mind to see a jealous Dani from you! No, I wouldn't mind it all. In fact, I hereby declare my prompt request.

I have answered your request, once again, I should really be working (perks of working from home) but I’m having too much fun writing these so enjoy my friend!

Prompt: Jealous Dani Dani stood beside the window of the Conrad hotel ballroom, scanning the crowd of the charity fundraiser where their suspects are expected to make an appearance. She had to wondered if ever since Bright joined the team they find themselves in these high society events more and more, as if the killers are attracted to his background.

It was no shocker that Jessica Whitly was on the guest-list of this particular fundraising event and so naturally Malcolm and herself were able to get in unnoticed, and Gil offered to escort Jessica. Dani tried to keep her smile from blooming, recalling the look on Jessica Whitly’s face when Gil appeared in his tux, the woman looked like she could use a drink, practically parched from the way her mouth fell open. She had to admit, Gil definitely filled out a tux just fine.

Jessica’s quick recovery was pointed to her next, “Dani, you look absolutely ravishing, gosh that color is fabulous on you.” As she looked her up and down, Dani’s orange full sleeve silk ensemble with the deep V cut and wrapping accent on the waist that framed her body perfectly before billowing out at the hem with a split up the middle, was not only elegant but very alluring. Her Hair was pulled up to a high ponytail completed with some statement gold pieces. She had thanked Mrs. Whitly graciously though she did find the attention a bit uncomfortable. 

What she had failed to notice in her spying of her boss and Whitly matriarch was the way Bright’s eyes swept her from head to toe, if he thought her ensemble to the Taylor wedding was something, then he wasn’t prepared for this. He swallowed the lump in his throat and a familiar burn in his stomach as he walked up to join her.

But that was the point of tonight, to stand out and appeal to their suspects. They deduced that this duo worked in a team of charming couples who targeted wealthy men and women of high society, seduced them, blackmailed them and then cleared up the loose ends by killing them.

JT ran operations from the van, opting to stay out of a ‘monkey suit’ as he put it. Keeping an eye through the security cams and listening in on their comms. She scanned the room filled with guests decked out to the nines and wait staff as they walked the room with wine glasses, champagne flutes and hors d'oeuvres. She found herself rolling her eyes, of course rich people made a party of helping the less fortunate. 

She finished her sweep only to find a very attractive brunette talking to Malcolm at the bar, she turned up her comms and listened in. 

“I haven’t seen you in one of these in a while,” She said waving to the bartender for a drink. 

Malcolm chuckled and nodded, “yeah, not really my scene. I only attend when it is absolutely necessary.”

Dani could tell they knew each other, there was a familiarity in the way she spoke to him, “I imagine Jessica is the absolutely necessary factor here.” She teased as she took a sip of her wine. “Well I’m glad that she forced your hand, I’ve been wanting to run into you again.” Dani rolled her eyes again, this woman was obviously not subtle about her motives. 

Dani knew Bright was an attractive man, pair that with the fact that he had millions to his name he would be a catch to most women, she just assumed that he kept to himself because of who he was and of course he didn’t exactly scream fuck boi bro. But She also knew that he could be incredibly charming when he wanted to be, that every time they walked down the street to get back to the precinct or to grab a coffee or tea women would appreciate his style, his features, the fact that he was both welcoming yet dangerous. 

Most of the time she didn’t think about it because she had his full undivided attention, even if he excitedly bumped into someone he’d quickly apologize and turn back to her. She didn’t realize that his attention being occupied by someone who very obviously knew him, and there was a hint of something more would make her feel...uneasy. 

She cleared her throat, to which Malcolm instantly looked in her direction and locked eyes. Shit, she forgot that he could hear her too. She pulled her brows together and scratched the back of her ear, looking away. It was JT who intervened and she decided she owed JT lunch.

“Damn, who knew Bright had game.”

This time Gil cleared his throat from where he was standing with Jessica on the other side of the room. To which JT whispered a “Sorry boss.”

Dani hid her smile behind her hand, as she pretended not to watch him and his yet to be named brunette. She didn’t know why but the way he chuckled and the way her hand reached out to brush the lapel of his jacket just annoyed Dani. Apparently personal space wasn’t a thing for this woman. 

“How is your father doing these days, Alice?” Malcolm asked focusing the subject back to small talk, the kind he detested but what could be done. 

Ah so her name was Alice, Dani scanned the room but really her eyes were focused on the profiler, what was the point of this exchange anyway, they were here to do a job, not to flirt and catch up. She didn’t know where her attitude was coming from and that added to her annoyance.

Alice shifted uncomfortable and shrugged as she pushed some of her hair behind her shoulder, “You know the usual, making sure to control every aspect of my life. He wants me to get married and settle down, I’m not good enough for the family business but I certainly can help it with an advantageous union.”

Dani just scoffed which earned her another look from Malcolm but there was something in his smile as he turned towards Alice. “How very antiquated of him, I’m sure he sees that your charms could be put to better use.”

Alice beamed at him again, eyes hooded as she took a step closer, “that’s for sure, you want to revisit how charming I can be?” She whispered close to his ear.

Malcolm smiled but his eyes were on the stand out beauty in orange across the room. He was enjoying Dani’s very apparent uneasiness in his re-acquaintance with Alice. Alice had gone to the same boarding school as him. While most kids didn’t bother with him after his father, Alice like Vijay was willing to be his friend.

“I know you can be...charming, but better be on my best behavior tonight.” Malcolm said as he took a step back from her. Alice can also be very pushy as he recalled. 

Alice just chuckled, “You have to admit, we used to have a lot of fun. Sure you don’t want to just disappear for a bit, this party is a bummer anyway...”

Dani’s mind instantly wandered to his ‘I’ve had sex, plenty of sex’ and even then she was a bit uncomfortable by his confession, now she was very uncomfortable by this whole exchange. Did this woman have no boundaries? The man said no, just leave it alone and have some self respect.

JT chimed in again, “Well damn bro…again who knew you had this much game!”

“Don't take game, if it’s being practically thrown at you,” she found herself mumbling before she realized what she was saying, to which she heard JT snicker. 

“Savage Dani…”

She cleared her throat, “can we focus on the task at hand instead of Bright’s sex life.” It was as if she lost all control of herself as she walked over to the bar, making sure that there was an extra sway to her hip when she approached them.

“Hi,” she found herself say as she stood beside Malcolm, looking innocently between Malcolm and Alice. 

Malcolm caught off guard only for a second smiled and introduced her to Alice, since she wanted to play this game, he figured why not. He didn’t much enjoy these things but this would be the exception if he could rile Dani up just a bit. “Alice, this is Dani.” He said as his hand seamlessly wrapped around Dani’s small waist, the dress she wore left both little and a lot to the imagination. He could feel the warmth of her body through the silk. 

Dani’s heart thumped, as she fell into her role, “Alice, very nice to meet you.”

Alice eyed Dani up and down and then finally she smiled, “Ah so this is the reason you are on your best behavior.” Alice didn't seem to care for decorum in this situation, behaving like a true spoiled heiress, Dani thought, this kind of behavior in the Bronx would not be tolerated even if you were a strong independent woman. 

Dani narrowed her eyes then smiled, really she felt like she had no control over her actions because the next thing she knew she was saying, “only until we get home.”

Malcolm’s eyes widened slightly as he cleared his throat, “Alice you’ll have to excuse us, I see my mother and I know she was asking for Dani earlier.”

Alice’s red lips curved up as she nodded, “well what do you know Malcolm Whitly is officially off the market, many a heart will be broken to know this. Nice meeting you Danielle.” She said as she walked away. 

Dani’s hands fisted at her side, no one called her Danielle. When she felt the gentle squeeze of his fingers on her waist as he released her, Dani suddenly came to herself. She closed her eyes and waited and on que, JT was laughing in her ear. 

“Well that’s one way to take care of that.” Gil said as he watched the whole exchange. Jessica on the other hand seemed to have enjoyed the show very much, even if she couldn’t hear anything, she got the gist of the situation. There was something so very normal and charming about women bickering over her handsome son.

Dani cleared her throat and scrunched her face, “sorry, thought this would make the point.”

Malcolm licked his lips and squinted at her, “what was the point again?” He wasn’t sure before but now he could clearly see it...she was jealous...to some extent anyway.

Dani pressed her lips together, and drew her brows in, WHAT was the point? Why was she in his business anyway. But to save face she simply shrugged, “to get back to work, you know look for the killers.” She rolled her eyes as if to say ‘duh’ but internally she was screaming with embarrassment, this is not how she behaved normally. She blamed Malcolm Bright for this.

Malcolm bit his lip to keep from laughing, he honestly was enjoying this too much, and her annoyance making his heart leap with joy, because that meant she was jealous. Something about Dani being jealous for him even if it was irrational and primitive made him feel...good. It brought to their relationship another layer, it gave him...hope.

#brightwell #malcolm x dani #writing prompts #prodigal son #for thatwaxlion

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Three. Mind Your Business

the scene is set in 1956, a young man moved to Hollywood to follow his dreams of becoming an actor. But with little money and a struggle to keep his apartment, he is approached by a man who offers him a job at Sweetland

a/n: decided to title this chapter ‘mind your business’ because no ones sexuality is anyone’s business! dont assume, make fun of, invalidate anyone’s sexuality because it’s not funny nor is it cute. YOUR SEXUALITY MATTERS AND ITS BEAUTIFUL

SERIES MASTERLIST | JOIN THE TAGLIST | chapter word count: 8.9k

warnings: biphobia (it’s the 1950s)

TALK TO ME ABOUT CN! let me know your thoughts!

pls rb to share! <3

It was Friday, two weeks later as you were sitting with your girls at Mel’s Drive in as you three talked and ate. 

Frances was talking about her date that she went on last weekend with the guy that worked with them; as she did assume he was going to ask her out, which he did. She was practically gushing over him as you and Alice listened as you ate, both being happy for her. 

“He was the sweetest guy! Took me to a drive in and after we walked on the beach! It was so fun, and after he kissed me-” You and Alice gasped, interrupting her story. “On my cheek! Jeez, you two are something. But it was the sweetest kiss, and ugh! I just want him to ask me out again.” 

“The next time you see him, maybe mention that you’d like to go out again, or invite him for a bite to eat,” you told her, and she nodded. “So, Alice, what about you and that guy you were seeing?” She changed the subject. 

Alice scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Ugh, I’m not seeing him anymore. He can never make up his mind if he wants to take me out on a date or just wants to continue fucking me, so I dropped him,” 

“Good for you,” you say, taking a bite of your toast. Alice was always one for being decisive and assertive. Just like you, she doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s ten times more intense than you. But overall, you love her for it. 

“Yeah, although, I’m having eyes for someone right now. Behind you,” she only told you, since you were sitting across from the two. 

You slowly turned around, trying not to make it obvious that you’re turning around. And what you saw was something shocking, and it made you have a cough attack as you choked on your toast. 

“Oh my god, doll, are you okay?” Frances asked. You grabbed your napkin, hysterically coughing into it, and Alice handed you your cup of water. 

Practically everyone around your booth was staring at you oddly, wondering if you were okay or not, and once you finally calmed down and the piece of bread washed down your throat, you took a deep breath. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Alice asked. 

“Yeah, uh, that guy your ogling…” 

“What about him?” 

“That’s Harry.” Alice and Frances’ eyes widened, immediately moving their heads to take another look at him as their jaws dropped. 

“That’s Harry?!” Alice asked in shock.

“Like, as in the Harry?!” Frances added. 

“Yup. The one and only.” You watched your friends practically stare at the guy you’ve been thinking about for the past two weeks. 

“Oh my god, he’s hotter in person than you described,” Alice swooned. “Sorry, for hitting on your man, doll.” 

“Eh, don’t worry about it. If he hit on you dolls, I wouldn’t even be mad because I’d hit on you both too,” you teasingly winked at them, and they both raised their eyebrows in a flirty way

Another thing you loved about your trio was that you were able to make those kinds of remarks without them thinking it was weird. You were truly grateful for friends that accepted your bisexuality, or else you would’ve been in shambles. And besides, who doesn’t hit and flirt with their best friends? 

“I can’t believe that’s him!” Frances exclaimed. 

“Yeah, he’s handsome, isn’t he?” They both nodded, excitedly. 

“Well, are you gonna go up to him?” Alice wondered. You turned around again to really get a look at him. He was facing you, sitting across a lady as they both chatted. He hadn’t seen you, and you were thankful for it because you didn’t want him to see the hint of sadness in your eyes because of the hint of jealousy you had in your body. 

You shook your head, “Hell no. He’s obviously on a date.” 

“You don’t know that!” Frances said optimistically. You really didn’t know. It was a bit after four p.m, so you didn’t know if it was for work or if he was actually on a date. Either option, you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy. Of course, you couldn’t stop him from working, but if it was anything outside of work, the thought made your heart sink. 

“Well you’re gonna have to suck it up because I just paid and he’s sitting right by the door,” Alice said, gathering her purse. You closed your eyes for a moment, preparing yourself to simply just walk by him, and you hoped he wouldn’t see you as you were doing so. 

You walked behind the two, following them to the exit of the diner as you looked at Harry the whole time. He hadn’t noticed you at first, but until you walked past by his table, he definitely saw you. 

As you two made eye contact, it was like you were sucked in; never for a second breaking contact with him as his green eyes captured yours. You noticed his face perk up, smiling widely. 

“Hey,” he greeted. 

“Hi,” you said with a smile as you stopped walking. Alice and Frances heard you causing them to stop walking as well. 

“How are you? Haven’t seen you in a while,” he said; the person sitting across from him was completely forgotten as the woman watched the interaction between you two as she stirred her coffee. 

“Yeah. Uh, two weeks,” you nodded, silently cursing yourself as you seemed like a complete idiot for keeping track. 

You took the time to subtly look over to the person on the other side of the booth, and saw a very gorgeous looking woman who was probably in her late twenties. She was tan and had long locks of red hair, and her outfit was quite cute as well. And if you weren’t swooning over Harry, you would definitely be swooning over the lady in front of you. 

“Yup, two weeks,” he confirmed. 

In all honesty, he’s missed you. You two had only met once, but he’s missed being around you—your presence comforted him. 

“I should get going. Have a lovely rest of your day, you two,” you told Harry and his date before walking out with Alice and Frances. 

Your face remained neutral as you walked out as the girls followed. Once you were outside, they both put an arm around you, comforting you. 

“I’m sorry, doll,” Frances said sadly. 

“I mean, at least you weren’t too attached, right?” Alice said, somehow convincing you. 

“Yeah…” you agreed, but in all honesty, you were already attached. You’ve known him for tops, two hours, and in those two hours, you came to the conclusion that you really like him. That may make you a bit crazy, but you couldn’t help how you feel. Harry’s charming and sweet and humble. How could you not fall for him? 

“It’s okay! Let’s have a dolls night? We can watch a movie at my house and maybe a sleepover?” Frances suggested, and Alice nodded her head eagerly. 

“I’m up for both, what do you say doll?” They both looked at you with pleading eyes, wanting you to agree to have a night with them to simply take your mind off Harry. And you wanted that too; to just be with your girls and out of your parent’s home. 

“Both sounds lovely,” you agreed, and they squealed in excitement as you three walked to your car, hoping your mind gets a break from thinking about the man inside of the diner. 

Harry was sitting in front of a woman that didn’t really spark his interest. Don’t get him wrong, she was very stunning in every way, but he’d noticed that you really set the bar for him. 

After your little cloud nine adventure together two weeks ago, Harry had three customers within those weeks. One of them was married, so they only stuck to oral as she claimed that “it’s not fully cheating if I don’t go all the way,” to which Harry was baffled by her explanation. The next one was a young man, probably the same age as Harry or a little younger, and he told him that he was curious what it was like to have sex with another man. So, Harry fucked him and met all his expectations, to which he got a very decent tip from him. The next one was a woman his age that works at a fancy restaurant, and told him that it was her only day off and decided that she needed to get laid, and of course, Harry helped her. 

But those three encounters did not compare to you. He mentally slapped himself thinking he was crazy that he was even comparing others to each other, but he couldn’t help it. Since the very first time he saw you, he thought you were the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. And it wasn’t just the way you felt around his raging hard on, but it was the way you talked to him and the way you listened to what he had to say. He felt important and valid when he was around you because that’s how you treated him. 

And Daren can throw so many women and men his way, but Harry’s come to the conclusion that you’re always going to be on his mind, despite only knowing each other for less than a day, he was completely whipped. 

“Harry?” Jeannette, the woman from across from he said. He broke out of trance and softly smiled at her. “Are you okay? You kind of blanked out.” 

“Oh, yeah. I am. Did you want to get going?” He suggested, and she perked up at that, nodding her head excitedly. 

Harry and Jeannette headed over to her apartment where they talked for about a minute or two before she inched closer to him, giving him a kiss to his cheek. Harry turned his head slightly, and she captured his lips against hers. 

As they kissed, her hand traveled to his crotch and he was taken by surprise as he slightly jumped as she rubbed the front of his pants. Usually, he would be turned on, but there was a sort of rushness he felt through her actions that he wasn’t into, and he was sure she felt it in the kiss he gave her. And he wasn’t even hard. 

The kiss he gave her was one that had no effort, but kissing just to kiss and going with the flow as she was the one in control of it. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he said as he pulled back. Jeannette’s lipstick was all over the place and he’s sure that there’s some on his lips as well. 

“Is something wrong?” She asked concerningly. 

“Uh, I…yeah. Can we just take it slow?” He asked hesitantly, and she nodded her head slowly. 

“Sure,” she said as she waited for him to make a move or say something. 

But Harry was lost in his mind as he thought about you. And he knows he shouldn’t when there’s a gorgeous girl right in front of him, but the occurring thought of you washed throughout his mind and there was no effort in stopping it. 

He thought back to the day when he met you up to when you two had sex. He loved the way you built up the sexual tension and the way you teased him into sexual agony. The way you would smirk at him when he would do something sexy or when you would participate in his playful banter. And he couldn’t forget about the slight dirty talk that came out of your mouth, to which he knew there’s more from where the words came from, but since it was your first time together, there were only a few words. But those words were enough to cum twice. 

“It’s her, isn’t it?” Jeannette suddenly said, and Harry’s brows raised in confusion. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“The girl from the diner. There’s something between you two, I can tell,” she explained. 

Harry chuckled, scratching his head as she read him very well. “I-I mean there’s nothing going on, but she was a customer and-”

“And you like her,” she finished for him. Harry slowly nodded, feeling guilty that someone else had to tell him. 

“Yeah—I’m sorry. I know you came to the shop for a good time, and I’m sorry I couldn’t deliver,” he apologizes with a small frown on his face, and she waved it off. 

“It’s alright. I could tell she’s into you also, but I don’t know, by her wandering eyes, I may be wrong.” 

Harry looked at her confused, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, she was checking me out. She had her eyes on me when she was talking to you, and I looked at her as well—saw her eyes go up and down on me. Think she might be into girls too?” She said casually as she got up and walked over to her bar cart, grabbing herself a drink. 

“Oh, uh, did you have a problem with that? Her checking you out?” Harry wondered, and if her answer wasn’t the one he was looking for, then the conversation would end badly. 

“Well, yeah!” And Harry got his answer. “She was checking me out, Harry. Had some flirty eyes when she looked at me, and it made me uncomfortable.” 

Harry controlled his temper, answering her with a cooled tone. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. She was probably just wondering who I was with.” 

“Still. I know when someone’s gay, and she definitely is. Do you really want to be with someone like that? One who can’t fully give themselves to you? It’s not a real thing,” she rolled her eyes, and Harry was infuriated. 

“Not a real thing? Don’t speak about her like that! So what if she likes men and women? Her sexuality has nothing to do with you nor is it your business,” he snapped at her, fully angry and annoyed. 

“Woah, why are you getting so mad? I’m just saying-”

“No, what you’re saying is that you’re assuming her sexuality, and also invalidating it. That’s so low, very low,” Harry got up, heading for the door. 

“Well, don’t cry when she doesn’t want you and has eyes on another woman!” 

“You’re saying a lot of bullshit that doesn’t make sense, but gladly, fuck off!” With his last words, he slams the front door, huffing all the way out of the apartment complex. 

He’s never felt so angry with anyone nor had he snapped like that at anyone, especially women. His mother has always taught him to be kind and respectful to everyone. “But if there’s something that they said was wrong, I expect you to stand up for those who aren’t there to stand up for themselves and people who don’t deserve hatred whatsoever,” his mother would say. And that’s exactly what he did. He stood up for you, even if you weren’t, for the Eric and Mack who is gay and bisexual, and for everyone else whose sexualities are being hated on because ‘it’s not the right way.’ 

When he was walking towards Hollywood, he realized he was in Downtown; way too far for his liking to walk back. But luckily, he had some spare change for the railway. 

He arrived at Sweetland a little past five, and Daren smiled, but also wondered why he was back earlier than usual. 

“Sorry, Daren. The customer I had today was just…” he trailed off, not knowing how to put what had happened into words. 

“What happened, kid?” 

“Well, it was going well—kinda. We were at a diner, and went back to her place, kissed a little, but I wasn’t really into it, to be honest,” Harry said, and Daren chuckled. “She started saying things about gay people and how bisexuality isn’t real, and I just snapped.” 

Daren hadn’t said anything, and Harry was starting to feel anxious. He didn’t know if his boss was going to be mad because he didn’t get any tip, plus he made a customer angry. But Daren reacted the opposite and smiled. 

“I’m proud of you, boy,” he said, patting his shoulder. 

“Really? I’m sorry I didn’t get any money and didn’t do my job, but she was insulting people!” 

“Hey, I don’t care. What you did was right, and I’m glad you did it. Would’ve done the same thing, and leave them horny and to dry,” Daren laughed, and Harry joined. 

“Did it for Eric and Mack too,” Harry included. 

“They would be so grateful you stood up for them. Tough world out there, and it hurts that people can’t live freely,” Daren shook his head, feeling ashamed of how society is developing with discrimination and hatred. 

“I’ll clean up here,” Harry said, grabbing a broom from behind the storage door. He started to sweep up the dust and candy that’s fallen out of their jars. It was a long day for Harry, and it’s going to be even a longer one tomorrow. He’s got a day off from Sweetland for a couple of days, so that means he has to run down to the studio to try and be picked to be an extra or get a screen test. He sighed deeply, thinking about how chaotic it’s going to be tomorrow, and hopefully not be let down once again. 

“Hey, kid?” Harry perked up. “You said you weren’t into when you were smacking lips with that customer…why’s that?” 

Harry smirked, holding the broom in his arms as he spoke. “Well, there’s this girl…” 

It was the usual ten a.m morning rush when folks would gather around in front of the gates of the studio, patiently waiting for two casting directors to come out and make their picks. 

He put on his best clothes; wearing a tan gridded trousers, a cream button down shirt with bottles printed on it, and on top of it, a red and yellow sweater vest. He was always a sucker for a stylish and comfy sweater vest; made him feel very professional along with fashionable. 

As he made his way through the crowd, trying to find Mikey, he found that many people were incredibly rude. They pushed and shoved him as he tried to squeeze in between him, and said some really harsh words. He knew he was ‘cutting’ them, but his friend was waiting for him up at the gates. 

“Hey, Mikey,” Harry greeted, and Mikey turned around, beaming his camera smile. 

“Harry! I’m so glad you’re here. They’re about to come out any second,” Mikey nudged him. 

“Do you think today’s the day?” Harry asked his friend hopefully. Mikey always had this sixth sense that he was able to feel the difference between the good and bad vibes from what they both manifested. And most of the time, It was either a blessing or curse to know. 

“Honestly…” he said suspensefully as Harry waited for, hopefully some good news. “I have a good feeling about this,” Mikey smiled, and Harry clapped his hands once, loudly. 

“That is the shit I like to hear,” Harry said excitedly, putting an arm around Mikey as the boys both smiled in anticipation. 

After a few minutes, the crowd spotted two people walking towards the gate as the guards opened them. The crowd of locals went wild, throwing their hands up as they screamed “pick me!” 

Again, Harry used his trick of smiling not too big and not too small to make him seem like he was trying too hard. The woman scanned through the crowd, glancing at the eager people. She pointed at the ones she wanted, usually picking about five or six people to bring with her on set; already picking five people. 

Once she glanced over to the area Harry was standing, looking over if she wanted to pick another one, but stuck with five. Everyone’s eagerness altered, frustrated that they weren’t picked. Harry’s expression turned into a sad one, wishing he wasn’t too hopeful when Mikey said his senses were telling him they were good. And just as he was about to leave, something struck the lady causing her to turn back around. 

Everyone in the front rows saw it, making them smile quickly at her. But Harry panicked because he thinks he’s looking right at him, despite the sunglasses. Harry softly smiled, in case she really was. And his day, possibly his life, changed when she lifted her hand and pointed right at him, gesturing to him to follow her. 

Harry was in complete shock, practically not even believing he was picked until Mikey physically pushed him towards the gate because the ladies and the rest were waiting. 

“Go on man! You got picked!” Mikey said excitedly, and Harry snapped out of his disbelief, beaming at his friend and kissing him on the forehead before walking inside the gates of Paramount Studios. 

He was so in awe of the whole atmosphere; the crew working on building sets, making props, wardrobe, the cameras—everything. He’s never seen the real thing up until now. But when he was picked to be an extra with Mikey when they had first met, they weren’t in front of cameras or a big set; they were part of the rehearsal act that included them being in a room with all the other actors, so this was a huge deal for Harry. 

When the ladies led the ‘picked ones’ to a room where the screenwriter, director, and producers sat, Harry felt his anxiety rise up again. He had no idea what was about to happen, but he made sure to do it with feeling and to give his best performance. 

“Alright, everyone. In my hand, I have the script of the upcoming movie we finally got approved of. I picked six of you by random to act out specific parts that I think will fit you,” the lady explained. Harry noticed that everyone in this industry was very fierce and strong willed. But he figured, they probably have to because this is a very serious job that has to do with entertaining the entire country. “Think of this as an audition to a movie—because it is. This is the real deal, kids. We’ve never done this before, only picking you all up to be extras, but since we have some small roles that need to be filled, this is your time to shine.” 

She grabbed a stack of scripts and handed it to the group. And when Harry felt the stack of papers that could possibly include one of his lines in a big movie, he felt like he was dreaming. He’s never held an entire script in his hands before, and god, he wished he would hold scripts for the rest of his life. 

“Each of your scripts has a sticky note on it that says the name of the character that I think suits you all, again, based on first glance. You will go to the lounge area, study your character and the general plot of the movie, and you will come back to audition for us. You don’t have to memorize it, but it is suggested. We just want you to get a feel of the character. You have an hour to do so,” she dismissed everyone as they walked out the door and to the lounge room. 

The room was like a movie theatre in some sorts; sofas lined up as people sat and talked about everything and anything. Harry picked a spot in the back, so no one would disturb him as he was buried in the script, studying the character he’s auditioning for. 

After thirty minutes of studying the plot and his character, he came to realize that the movie was a romance film. The classic story of a man falling for a woman, but the woman is hesitant. The casting director had assigned Harry to audition for the main character’s best friend. And when Harry found that out, he was ecstatic. The role obviously wasn’t the lead character, but it was pretty close. 

Harry took the rest of his time to memorize the highlighted lines. He knew he didn’t have to, but like the casting director said, it’s better to. And he’s very grateful for his memorization game that he’s had ever since he was younger; always memorizing lyrics to songs when only hearing it twice. 

With hushed mumbles of his lines, repeated saying it over and over again, he felt confident and he was ready. He had about ten minutes to go before it was time to go back to the room, but he decided to head over there already because he learned that you should always show them that you’re ready; it builds confidence in yourself and it’s always good to be early better than late. 

Harry waited outside of the room when an older lady approached him. 

“Harry, right?” The woman asked, and his head perked up, surprised one person even knew his name in this place. 

“Yeah, that’s me. And you are?” He asked politely, flashing her his million dollar smile. 

Always be nice to others; no matter how good you think you are, you never know where kindness will take you in life. 

“I’m Shareen. I’m not sure if you remember me, but I was at one of your auditions a few weeks ago,” she told him, handing him her hand to shake. Harry took it as his eyes widened, remembering the woman in front of him. She was an older woman--somewhere in her 60s. Harry noticed that she was wearing a barrette on her head, just like the last time he saw her; probably one of her staple pieces, which he thinks is lovely. Shareen had a friendly face as well; Harry not being intimidated by her like he is with the rest of them as she kindly smiled at him with bright eyes. 

“Ah, yes! I remember you. It’s lovely to meet you, officially. Also, love the barette you’re wearing,” he compliments honestly. 

“Oh, thank you, dear. Quite a favorite of mine.” Shareen felt nothing but giddiness when someone noticed her barrette. None of her coworkers rarely noticed it, so it made her happy when someone complimented her on it. 

“It looks wonderful on you,” he smiled, and she placed her hand on his arm. 

“You’re sweet. But I wanted to come by and introduce myself, and tell you that I think you did really well. It’s too bad one of the producers cut it way too short--I was eager to see what you could offer,” Shareen smiled softly, feeling bad for the young man in front of her. 

“Oh, thank you. That means a lot to me,” Harry smiled widely, feeling immensely grateful for someone from the industry to say something like that to him. He rarely gets told that he’s good at what he does, and for someone to say that to him means a ton. “But I’m happy to be getting another shot.” 

“Me too, dear. I just know you’ll do just great,” she patted his shoulders before walking into the room, leaving him to wait alone again. What she had told Harry had given him a boost in motivation; it encouraged him to keep going and to keep trying. And sometimes that’s all he needs--a boost of encouragement to tell him that he’s doing things right. That’s all what everyone needs. 

The other five people had gathered around next to Harry as they waited for another three minutes before they were called in. He took in everyone’s moods as he does, and controlled his breathing and nerves. Everyone was obviously very nervous--Harry was as well, considering this could possibly be a huge step in their careers. 

“Harry and Sky, please come in,” a man called out from the door. Sky was another actress that he assumed he would be auditioning with. She smiled softly at him before walking towards the room, Harry following. 

The room was even more intimidating than the first time. Five pairs of eyes stared at the two as they walked in and stood on the mark that was taped to the floor. 

“Alright, you two. You’ve studied your roles, and now it’s time to perform them. You will be auditioning for page 50.” Harry and Sky flipped to that page as they both studied it for a second. Feel free to use your scripts. But give us your best performance, okay?” One of the ladies said, and Harry and Sky nodded eagerly, nerves creeping up both of their skins. 

Harry glanced at Shareen, and found her smiling at him. The friendly face and smile had calmed him down a bit, remembering her words. After a minute of gathering their notepads, she spoke again. “And action!” 

Harry and Sky turned towards each other with scripts in their hands; Harry walking passed her, arms crossed so he wasn’t tempted to look down at his lines. “I just…they’re not right for each other!” He said. 

“They’re getting married--what can you do?” Sky acted out, a frustrated look on her face. 

“Stop it.” 

“What?” Sky scoffed. 

Harry grabbed her shoulders, according to the script, shaking her lightly and said, “Don’t you get it? We have to stop the wedding!” 

“You’re his best friend! How could you do that-”

“Because I’m in love with her!” Harry exclaimed

“No…” 

“Yes! I’m in love with her. We have to stop the wedding,” his eyes pleaded. 

“You’re insane, Nate.” Sky removed herself from his hold, walking away before Harry ran in front of her to stop her, grabbing her shoulders again. 

“Insane? Don’t tell me that you haven’t been thinking about it too. I know you’re in love with Matt,” Harry raised his brows. 

“That doesn’t mean we stop their wedding,” Sky scolded. 

“But that means we’ll be happy. Can’t you see that?” 

“And cut!” 

Harry and Sky broke out of character. Their faces returned back to normal as they weren’t two stressed out adults who were planning to ruin their best friend’s wedding. Half of the table clapped for them, Shareen, of course, being one of them. 

“Wonderful job, you two,” Shareen said with a delighted smile. “We just need your contact information just in case, and you’re free to go.” 

Once Harry gave them his contact information, which was simply his home phone, he walked out of the studio with a big smile on his face. He had no idea what the outcome would be with all of this, but he was proud of himself for getting through it, and he thought he did a wonderful job this time. 

“Catherine, I know you can lift your leg up higher than that!” You teased one of your students, giving them an encouraging smile. Catherine lifted her leg up all the way to her head, and you clapped for her. “There you go!” 

It was your Monday ballet basics class as little five to seven year olds were spread out, and working on the little number you made up for them. You were exhausted from the long hours of class and plus, it was eleven in the morning, seeing as you were up since seven. But you had an hour left to go before you get to go home, and have a nice bath and a house all to yourself. 

Your father was at work, thankfully not going to be home until later in the night, and your mother was helping her friend with a charity foundation. And an empty house and a relaxing bath that will probably end up with you touching yourself, was calling your name. 

You haven’t been laid since the night you and Harry had sex, and the most you’ve been doing since then was pleasuring yourself. There was just simply no sexual interest when you looked at others, and you may have to just curse Harry out for ruining your sexual life for you, but you were fine getting yourself off. 

As you watched your class run through the routine, you felt a presence behind you, causing you to turn around and see Tyler smiling at you. Tyler was one of the few guys who taught ballet, and on Mondays, he taught the ages of eight to twelve in the morning; the same time as you. 

“Hi, Tyler.” 

“Hey. Are you almost done with the class?” He asked. 

“Yeah. About 40 minutes left--why aren’t you in class?” You asked, figuring he had about the same time left as you, and wondered why he wasn’t with his students.

“I dismissed them early. It’s Monday, the hardest day of the week. But I was wondering if you’d like to get some lunch after your class ends? I’m free for the rest of the day,” he asked you hopefully. 

It wasn’t like you didn’t like Tyler because you thought he was really nice and friendly. When you two had met, he asked you out for dinner, but you were with Chris at the time, so being a loyal girlfriend that you were, you said no, to which he understood. When he somehow found out that you and Chris broke up, he asked again, and you told him honestly that you didn’t want to date nor did you want to go out, and he understood again. But up until now, it was constant questions of asking you on a date and the constant rejection of you saying no. It was clear he couldn’t take a hint. 

“Oh, uhm, I was hoping to be alone today…” you scratched your neck awkwardly. 

“Gotcha,” he nodded his head. “But another question, why do you never want to go out with me?”

“Tyler, I think you’re a really nice guy and I’ve noticed you have some certain eyes for me ever since we met, but I’m just not interested in you. And I hope you understand that,” you told him honestly, but ultimately feeling bad that you even had to tell him that. 

You heard him scoff and saw him roll his eyes, “Unbelievable.” You saw him start to pace, and you were afraid that he would snap in front of your students, so you stopped the music, telling them to take 5, and brought him out to the hall. 

“What is your problem?” You asked confusingly.

“You think you’re the shit, don’t you?” His voice started to raise.

“No, I don’t actually.” 

“You do though! Think you’re all high and mighty just because you’re a rich bitch, but guess what? You’re not!” 

“I never thought I was, but okay,” you said sarcastically, completely annoyed that you have to put up with this dumb arguement. 

“No, you do. Just because you like men and women, you think you can just get anyone?” You looked at him amusingly; you think it’s funny he says that because he’s been begging you to go out on a date with him. “What? You’re secret’s out.” 

“Never really kept it a secret, and I’m happy about that,” you entertained him as he began to grow more frustrated, but you were completely over this conversation as you were never going to give him the satisfaction of snapping at him, so he could possibly tell people that you weren’t all what you seemed. 

Before you reached for the door to your classroom, you turned around one last time. “Hey.” Tyler turned around like a kid who just got scolded, which only added to your amusement. “Feel free to spread that secret of mine, yeah? Makes me proud to be who I am.” 

Your original plan was to go home after class and have a nice day to yourself, but you found yourself parked in front of Sweetland, debating with yourself whether you should go in or not. 

You’ve been sitting in your car for a good 10 minutes under the sun, and your debate meter is pointing to yes because it’s scorching hot in July in California. But not only your body melting from the heat that your debate meter is green on yes, but also wanting to see Harry. 

It’s been a few days since you last saw him at the diner, and it was no secret that you missed him, but seeing his face after two weeks made you realize that you truly missed him. So you made the conscious decision to get out of your car and enter Sweetland. 

When you opened the door, you stumbled into someone who was pushing the door out, but you beat him to it, causing him to fall forward slightly. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Once the man regained his balance, his eyes met yours, and he smiled. “Oh, Harry.” It was the same man that you were at the shop for, and you couldn’t be more happy to see him. 

“H-Hi,” he said nervously, running his ringed clad hand through his disheveled curls. 

“Are you off of work right now?” 

“No, I didn’t work today actually. But we’re still open, so you could go inside.” A hint of pain was felt in his chest when he said those words; wanting to be the one to help you and not one of his coworkers. 

“Oh…I was actually looking for you,” you smiled, and Harry’s eyes widened. 

“R-Really?” He asked surprisingly, and you nodded. “I’m not working though, I just came by to get my paycheck.” 

“Yeah, but I was wondering if we could maybe go out for lunch? That’s if you’re free though.” A hopeful smile was brought onto your face and your innocent eyes looked at him, making it unbelievably hard for Harry to say no, not like he wanted to. 

“I’d love to!” He said a little too excitedly, so he toned it down a bit. You chuckled at his lifted mood. “Where would you like to go?” 

“Swinger’s isn’t too far from here, if you’d like to check that place out? Heard their waffles and milkshakes are to die for,” you mentioned, trying to convince him at the thought of food. 

“Didn’t have to mention waffles—already wanted to go with ya,” he smirked, teasing you as he read your mind while you were trying to convince him. He earned a giggle from you as you walked to the driver side of your car as he walked up to the passenger side. “Ah, missed Rosie,” he said as he got in. 

“Rosie or me?” You bantered, starting your car up. 

“It’s a close tie between you two, to be honest. Although, Rosie might be winning,” he played back. Your jaw dropped dramatically, slapping his chest playfully. 

“Well, what if I say we could share a milkshake? Would I earn points then?” You leaned in a tad bit, asking something so innocent but your time was saying the opposite. 

“Do I get to choose the flavor?” 

“The choice is all yours, honey.” 

“Let’s get there in one piece and maybe I’ll decide then, yeah?” He said, ending the bacon and forth teasing. You giggled as you put your car in drive, and drove off to Swinger’s.

The booth was a cushioned, checkered print seat, but it wasn’t as comfortable as Mel’s, albeit, you’re a bit biased because you’ve been going to Mel’s ever since you were younger, so you couldn’t compare the two. But it was a lovely diner either way. 

Sitting in front of Harry was a bit of a dream. You’d imagined meeting him again over and over without it leading to sex, and the simplicity of how the reality of it turned out to be made you happy. 

You and Harry talked about simple likes and dislikes as a way to ease into getting to know each other. You found out that he prefered mint chip over cookies n’ cream, and to say you were disappointed was an understatement when he ordered you both a mint chip milkshake to share. 

“What? It’s flavorful! Not your usual,” he argued playfully. 

“But cookies n’ cream is just a staple. You can’t go wrong with that,” you raised your brows, knowing you were right and he knew it too. 

“I mean you’re right, but mint chip is good! We’ll get cookies n’ cream the next time,” he told you, putting a truce on the debate, but you ignored the truce as your heart fluttered multiple times at the words ‘next time’ and you wanted to do pirouettes from excitement. “Okay, okay. Pancakes or waffles?” 

“You can’t pick between the two,” you simply put it. 

“That’s a very easy answer though. It’s waffles,” he said. 

Just as you two discussed how you couldn’t choose between the two because you had to be in a certain mood for both, your food had arrived; the aroma of freshly made waffles hit your senses, making your mouth water. 

“So…” you started, sipping the milkshake with your straw. Harry’s head lifted, giving you a smile, encouraging you to continue. “How was your date on Friday?” You asked hesitantly, not really wanting to know if it went well. 

“Uh, not so good…” 

“Oh?” Now you were intrigued. You tried to contain a smile from beaming out by pulling in your lips together, but your eyes said it all. And Harry read your expression, knowing you were happy with what he said. “What happened? If you don’t mind me asking?” 

“Oh, uhm-”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you said, noticing his hesitation. 

“I do. I just don’t know how to put it,” Harry nervously scratched his head as you told him to take his time. “So she was actually a customer from the shop,” he mentioned, and you gulped, waiting for him to continue. “She wanted to grab a bite to eat before we go back to hers, then we saw you, and I was just so lost in thought of you that I wasn’t paying attention to her that she noticed, so I suggested we just go back to hers. We got there and she immediately started making out with me and placing her hand on my dick, which kind of startled me because I wasn’t really hard or turned on nor was I into it,” Harry explained. 

“Can I ask why you weren’t into it?” You asked, somewhat knowing the reason, but wanting to hear it from him. 

“You. I was thinking of you the whole time, and she also sensed that. And then…” he stopped talking, like he didn’t want to tell you anything. 

“Take your time, or you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you said calmly, having no idea if something bad had happened during their time together, and you were a bit pissed but you didn’t want to force him into telling you. 

He took a deep breath, controlling his breathing. “We stopped, and she assumed that you were the reason why I wasn’t into it, and she was correct, but then she started to say things how you were into both men and women, saying how weird that was because you wouldn’t give yourself to one person or some shit like that, and by then I was completely off the rails--pissed.” 

“She said that?” You asked with no emotion behind your words, and he nodded. 

“Said it was because you were checking her out at the diner and it wasn't a real thing to like two genders or some shit. I was proper livid,” he shook his head, still in disbelief that he came across a person like that. You only nodded your head slowly, trying to take everything in. Plus, this was not how you imagined coming out to Harry. “But told her to fuck off, and how rude it was to one, assume someone’s sexuality. And two, say that it’s not a real thing. Then I left.” 

Your eyes softened as you looked at him; a crease in his forehead made you reach across the table and smooth it out with your thumb. His features softened, and he looked at you, seeing your glossy eyes look right back at him. 

“Thank you for saying that. No one’s ever defended me like that besides my friends, and that means a lot to me,” you gave him a small smile to which you earned one back. It felt some sort of shock knowing that people live in fear and can’t be who they want to be because society doesn’t accept it, and he felt some sort of sadness when you thanked him and said that no one else ever defended you. 

“Of course,” he said, reaching across the table to hold onto your hand, which you gladly took. His thumb caressed your soft skin, making no effort to let go; not like you wanted him to. 

“I was supposed to have a relaxing night to myself, but I’m glad I went to the shop.” 

“Me too. What made you change your mind?” He asked, and you rolled your eyes, remembering the events that happened before you left the studio. 

You told Harry about Tyler, not leaving out a single detail of what he said to you as it was still fresh and ingrained into your mind. The entire time you told the story, Harry also rolled his eyes and scoffed at some people’s immaturity. But you just shrugged your shoulders, telling him that you were going to live your bisexual life freely. 

“What’d you do this weekend?” You asked, putting an end to your story as you felt like you were talking about yourself too much. 

“Oh, I, uh…had a couple of days off from the shop and I had an audition,” he said with a humble smile. Your eyes widened, jaw dropping. 

“Harry!”

“What?” He asked obliviously. 

“Oh, I don’t know--you just casually mention that you had an audition,” you said sarcastically; a chuckle from Harry was heard. “That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you,” you beamed at him, feeling so happy for him as he maintained his composure and tried not to get too excited. 

“Thank you. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but it was such a thrill being in front of the producers,” he said, proceeding to tell you the entire story. He felt giddy telling someone other than Mikey or Daren, and he definitely felt your energy, telling him that you were just as excited for him as well. 

“Harry, that’s truly so great. They would be missing out if they don’t pick you.”

“Thanks, sweet girl.” The name had slipped out. It came out naturally, but he closed his mouth immediately, not knowing if that crossed the line since he used that pet name in bed. 

“I’ve missed hearing that name,” you told him honestly, and he calmed down a bit, smirking at you. 

The night was going by quicker than you intended as you hung out with Harry starting around 1 p.m, and now it was nearing 4.

 As much as you wanted to continue hanging out with him, you still wanted to have some alone time with yourself since it was rare that you would have the house to yourself. Besides, like he said, it wasn’t the last time you would be seeing each other. 

“I should probably get going,” you say, a sad tone behind your words. 

“Yeah, okay, sure. Let me just grab the check,” he turned around to find the waitress that served you both. 

“Oh, I can pay for half,” you said, beginning to reach into your purse for your wallet. 

“It’s okay. Let me; I just got paid. And besides, I was the one who picked the milkshake flavor, so let me pay for it,” he smiled at you, making you blush. “Next time, you’ll pick the flavor, and maybe you can pay if you want to next time.” You only nodded, smiling as you watched him just walk up to your waitress and pay for your meals. 

Once he paid, you two walked out the diner; the summer sun was still bright outside, making it seem like it was still early in the day. You walked over to the driver side as Harry stayed still in front of the restaurant. 

“I’ll see you soon, maybe? Drive safe,” he said, waving at you. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Oh, I was gonna catch the railway.” he said shyly, and you chuckled, thinking you were probably crazy if you were going to leave him out here. 

“You know you’re too kind for the world, and don’t need to get all shy on me. It’s just me—you’re comfortable with me?” You asked, wanting to make sure he felt comfortable with you no matter what. 

“Yeah, of course-”

“Then hop in. I don’t bite, that is, only if you want me to,” you smirked, starting your car and putting on your sunglasses. He absolutely loved when you wore your sunnies; you had a different pair on than when he first met you. Today’s sunnies were pink circular glasses; the lens was see through as he saw your eyes, thinking you look absolutely stylish and all kinds of adorable. 

“I live in West Hollywood,” he said suddenly, feeling a bit anxious for you to see the neighborhood he lives in because he knows that it’s nothing compared to where you probably live. 

“Okay, that’s on the way to where I live anyways. Just lead the way,” you quickly glanced at him, giving him a smile before turning your head back to the road. You sensed his anxiousness as you did when you first met him; and you thought that it was simply his personality—he was a shy guy in general. That’s why you wanted to make sure he was comfortable around you, and not push his limits. 

After a few directions from Harry, making a left here and making a right there, you made it in front of his apartment building. It obviously wasn’t a neighborhood you were used to, but you didn’t mind it nor were you going to judge it. It was Harry’s home, and as long as it makes him safe, then everything was fine. 

Harry waited a few seconds, not immediately getting out of the car, before turning towards you as you turned your car off. “I had a really nice time tonight,” 

“Me too. I’m glad we were able to go out. Until the next one?” You subtly slipped in, in case he had forgotten, or to see if he wasn’t joking when he said ‘next time’ at the diner. 

“Of course. I’ll see you then,” he gave you one last smile before getting out of your car. 

“Harry…” you called out just like the last time you had dropped him off. He once again turned around, leaning his forearms on the top of the door and bent down. 

“Yes?” 

You unclicked your seatbelt, making your way towards the passenger side as you kneel on the seat. You reached your hand to place your palm against his right cheek, feeling his stubbled skin. 

“Thank you for today, and for lunch. I mean it when I said I had a really great time.” Your face was inches away from him, and Harry was starting to get very antsy; wanting to kiss you so bad as your lips were so close but so far from his. 

“The pleasure is all mine. I’ll see you next time, sweet girl,” he said. He noticed how much you really like being called that because every time he does, a blushy smile appears on your face, and he would make sure to always call you ‘sweet girl’ to see that kind of smile from you all the time. 

His eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips as it was painted in a bit of lip gloss. He also noticed how your attention was on his lips as well. And before he could ask you if he could kiss you, you had leaned your head into his left cheek, planting a kiss to his skin. 

It wasn’t anywhere on his lips, but it was sweet and soft; a sweet innocent kiss that he would always remember and and he was sure he would giddily  scream once he got back to his apartment. 

“Have a good night, honey,” you said as you pulled away. Harry’s heart immediately swooned at the second time you called him honey. 

“Honey?” He said as it came out as a pleasant surprise. You say back down in your seat, blushing. 

“Yeah, is it too cheesy?” 

“No, no! I really like it,” he smiled, dimples showing off. 

“Good.” 

“Great.” 

You two stared at each other, smiling like idiots as neither one of you wanted to leave. But you two broke eye contact due to the car alarm that startled you both, but both looking back at each other as you two giggled. 

“Bye—for the millionth time,” you said as you started your car, putting the gear into drive. 

“See ya, sweet girl,” he bid you goodbye as he gave you one last wave and watched you drive away. 

As he walked up the stairs to his front door, he thought of how the day had been really good and how much he had fun; anticipating the next time he gets to see you again. 

one of my favorite chapters! BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND VALID. 

next chapter will be posted on September 4! LETS CHAT IN MY INBOX!

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[sugar-petals]

Can you tell us how to please a soft sub and hard sub? Like what could a guy enjoy?

it’s 95% individual, i’d ask + negotiate before ideas for play. i can suggest scenes but still, it might not be his limits. to remember is what differenciates the two: hard subs enjoy pain + power, soft subs don’t.

you can likely please the latter if you’re a gentle femdom aficionado. still depends on what kind of GFD you like, but you can grow into the role you agree on, shift. it’s a bit easier: fewer prerequisites. ofc there’s etiquette + talent, but you can please by tuning into the role pretty well. 

the former: not as flexible. there are set qualities. understand this as a ‘needed with good reason’ profile rather than gatekeeping. sadism is the requirement. no 50-50 zone, you feeling that you are a natural is key. your sub won’t be happy if you merely try it. it’s usually clear to a domme anyways, you either lick your fingers for s/m or not.

↳ as for specific kinks. what i can give you is a list of things to AVOID for each.💡it’s a roundabout way to see what he prefers and each sub’s a different case but it’s a compass.

✏︎ soft subs — don’ts

hair-pulling -> choose fondles and pats instead wherever he likes it the most.

name-calling -> praise is usually preferred

yelling -> whispering/soft-spoken, this is an asmr zone ☁️

hard spanking -> lighter squeezes

no squishy props -> use pillows, blankets, plushies if he wants. but, in any case, you’ll need pillows. can’t have enough of those.

tears -> only as a spontaneous release [during aftercare], most soft subs aren’t into dacryphilia

chaos -> soft subs love consistency. 

too much genitalia focus -> don’t forget the smooches and forehead kisses, and massages possibly. if he likes that, tend to seemingly neglegible body parts even, like ears and toes. boop the nose.

toy overwhelm -> back to basics, never forget he loves your hands. idea: choose pastels for color if you do get toys. dramatic black/red/metal is for the hardcore femdom department and suits the mood better. you likely have that preference already if you strictly soft dom.

breath play -> stick to neck kisses. mouth gags, same thing, he probably isn’t comfortable with it.

leaving marks -> 50-50, again, ask what kind you can and cannot leave. if he likes it, do 20% marks, 80% affection.

pragmatic, planned aftercare -> make it extensive + adapt easily. seems counterintuitive since hard subs take a lot more, but let me tell you soft subs think aftercare is literal catnip. if you’re a big brain domme, you transfer some aftercare favorites to the main act. also, about pragmatism: unlike with hard subs (see list below: #21), come up with a more fine-tuned safeword/limit system. these are play scenes where you can go into many different directions so that’s why. 

straightforward -> it’s no problem if you’re the indirect or shy type as a domme, it’s about careful questions toward him here. many soft subs approach their dommes well with wishes. ironically, hard subs are the other way around, they might anticipate more unless they’re very extroverted. the biggest hard subs were the quiet kiddos at school 😉 soft subs can be bubbly and reveal their demands rather easily.

deprioritize your orgasm -> make him tend to you in a lazy, slow demeanour. spoil each other.

all over the place -> stick to bedroom bed, bathtub and couch unless otherwise requested. the point is to have a safe and comfortable spot.

breaking him -> never push, always guide. again, consistency, no highs and lows.

suppressing critique -> he wants to know where to improve, show him exactly how to do things the right way and work with mistakes. not humiliating, more like teaching. 

dungeon -> keep it above ground. 

hands-on ownership -> show him he belongs to you in other ways. spoil him, that’s the best way.

high heels -> too impractical for 80% of GFD activities. fetish gear generally doesn’t work here. just mentioning, it’s probably already clear to everyone. and, purely soft dommes don’t gravitate towards dominatrix fashion in the first place.

passive -> unlike with hard subs, you likely do a lot of the work. soft dommes are busier than people expect.

atmosphere? -> switch on the fairy lights, candles, make it dim. make it as romantic as possible.

power imbalance -> air to breathe for any hard sub, but soft subs prefer flatter hierarchies. mind you, your position is still one of guidance. 

✏︎ hard subs — don’ts

tender voice > grit and growl in their ear aye

questions > proportion-wise, give more commands instead.

no tools -> introduce some devices according to your couple taste.

lenience -> tame that provocateur 😄 you define where his place is. show him, physically. under your foot, kneeling, bowing? find that perfect position for the two of you. 

only caressing > choke and slap him, but ask/announce right beforehand.

unbridled aggression -> misguided way of dominance unless it’s primal play. i know it’s more negatively connotated but deliberate brutality is the word, you exact it while keeping rather cool. unless... he fancies you as the angry mistress, or passionate, punishing. but then again, no aggression. just brutality. the difference is huge. the more sadistic the play, the more contained your action. not all understated, just very directed and according to how you spoke about it, and according to the feedback in front of you. you get perfect awareness, not dizzy tunnel vision and fluctuating feelings. i say brutality because it indicates a person knows what they’re doing. aggression and anger means you bottle your judgement. the brain switches off there, it gets too erratic. also, aggression is less severe and a means to an end while brutality is for its own sake and goes heavy which is what hard subs enjoy: since they’re masochists. aggressive and violent dommes are just assholes, brutal hard dommes... are good dommes. 😛

free reign clothes -> tell him what type of outfit makes him domme candy. experiment plenty. don’t worry, most hard subs enjoy being told what to wear. and even if they don’t, suggesting it won’t piss them off. also, you can get strict and exacting as fuck with this. hard subs want your possessiveness in creative ways.

plain undressed -> chances are CFNM could be a hot idea sometimes, or fetish wear which is often appreciated in all things hardcore. then again, dressing up is no must, but definitely try all-black outfits, suits etc, whatever makes you radiate authority and the upper hand. remember, hierarchy. your superiority is what he enjoys during sex, he actually gets confused if you don’t show it in your particular way. if it’s not clothes, it’s the voice, anyway. the voice lives in his head rent free.

no control -> full body attention, grope him the way he likes. also, the nape of his neck is where your hand belongs. guiding his head is just...mmh ❤️

monotony -> hard subs like a rollercoaster. roleplay = perfect opportunity.

static plans -> important: hard subs learn fast. since pain-pleasure is involved their sensations are more intense so feedback is usually unequivocal. mind you, soft subs can sort their preferences well but for them it takes exposure to variety.

what’s a nipple? -> pinching and more is most likely welcome. ask and test.

spoiling -> spoiling no. rewards, yes. he works for it. what does he work towards? pleasing you completely. in your body and commands.

shy domme -> when it comes down to it, you need to be resolute and eloquent. if you struggle with it, e.g. start with being stoic. pick your favorite pokerface and have a signature smirk lmao! and definitely do in-depth talks. yes, about his desires. unlike soft subs, some guys take more time to open up here. 

dry -> lube. keep it wet, especially his tear ducts anyway. 

unsure experiments/not knowing the outcome -> seriously tackle and prepare skills. yes, whip your pillow first. you can ‘try’ things with soft subs, but you ‘do’ things with hard subs. why? less room for errors. you please him by being precise. don’t let it intimidate you, simply take it as a responsibility he respects you greatly for.

heels -> hard subs might like that. plus, you’ll often simply stand. he does lots of the work. hard dommes can be more laid-back than you’d expect. remember, you kick his ass and give orders. he’s a pretty active party. exception: he’s tied up.

hesitation -> hard dommes have to be quick. especially since we edge a lot. also, never hesitate to praise.

forgetting skin -> stimulate large areas as much as you can.

unarmed -> chances are he likes knife play, ask about it.

too much caution and pampering -> an insult to his esteem. i’m not kidding. he feels in his element when you don’t hold back anxiously. trust his strength 😊 it’s a perk of femdom in the first place, you may be working on more muscles and often more space on the body, most maledoms don’t have that luxury. the same goes for safewording, keep it simple and applicable for the heat/reflex of the moment. it’s counterproductive to be overcautious since it makes it too complex.

the usual spot -> if he’s down: play everywhere, consider every room together. a cold and hard surface does something for a hard sub. as does rug burn if he likes that. make him do all kinds of things 100% naked on a carpet while you watch, it’s so humiliating. i did it, the result was my sub discovering even higher levels of sluttiness. 

suppression -> ask him to let it out vocally when he’s shy or not experienced. you’ll both love what follows. most hard subs are screamers. i hope you don’t have neighbors.

soft illumination -> use artificial light. not just to make your patient - doctor roleplay perfect, but because a hard domme needs to see what she’s doing for safety reasons already. use your (soy wax!) candles to ruin his back instead.

serious -> hardcore femdom is at its best when it’s peppered with little giggles. bring a feather just in case.

PS: these can even apply if they enjoy doing both, you have to match your tone according to the mood and plan then.

#anon #ask #cub mail 🐆 #d/s talk #long post #d/s ed #d/s etiquette

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Lady Street Fighter (Bryan, 1981)

I've seen Renee Harmon, the star of Lady Street Fighter, likened to Tommy Wiseau, and there certainly similarities. Both have extremely distinct screen presences and accents (Harmon's is German, Wiseau's is...nobody knows) and obvious delusions about their acting abilities. Yet while Wiseau's The Room has a much larger cultural footprint than anything Harmon was involved in, I can't help but find her a much more likable presence. For one thing, from what I know about the production of The Room, Wiseau doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun to be around, and the movie contorts to his ego in a way that provides for obvious amusement but not a lot of warmth. From the films I've seen Harmon in, she seems like an integral part of their nutty, bad movie fabric but not necessarily the centre of gravity, and while I don't profess to be an expert on her career, I do know that her sometimes collaborator James Bryan spoke pretty well of her in Stephen Thrower's Nightmare USA, which I'm currently going through. And as dumb as it is, the fact that Harmon's default expression is a kindly smile while Wiseau's is...something else, makes her a lot more approachable as a screen presence in my eyes. What biographical details I do know of Harmon help interpret her career as some kind of immigrant...well, success story might be a bit generous, but gumption is admirable and a little moving. Some of these things might seem irrelevant to their output, but when you're comparing bad movie weirdos, a logical rubric doesn't present itself so easily.

Of Harmon's work, I'd previously seen Frozen Scream, a masterpiece of incoherence, and The Executioner Part II, a vigilante actioner and fake sequel with probably the worst acted PTSD freakout I've seen in a movie. In both she played crucial supporting roles, but in Lady Street Fighter (not to be confused with Sister Street Fighter, the rock solid karate flick with Etsuko Shihomi and Sonny Chiba), she's the star, and the effect is less like Wiseau in The Room and more like Steven Seagal in On Deadly Ground, where the movie is ostensibly delivering genre thrills but has those subverted by an unabashedly weird lead performance. Like Seagal in his film, Harmon is given a number of extremely interesting outfits, like an excessively studded leather jacket, a shiny gold jumpsuit and a great big hat. And while Seagal has characters speak often of how fearsome and formidable he is (R. Lee Ermey says at one point that "He's the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire!"), in Harmon's movie, they keep talking about how hot she is and making objectifying comments, usually referring to her breasts. And like Wiseau subjects us to ample shots of his ass in his movie, Harmon spends an awful lot of time getting in and out of the shower, and attempts oral sex on a telephone and a piece of celery (the latter of which is a recurring theme in the movie). In another context I might find this off putting, but knowing she was a major creative force behind the movie, it's actually a little endearing.

Lady Street Fighter was directed by James Bryan, and like in his best known film, the regional slasher Don't Go in the Woods, the technical sloppiness lends itself to the unintentional avant garde, as when a shootout is staged awkwardly enough to feel like a montage of completely unrelated footage (as Harmon blows away her enemies, Bryan blasts through the 180-rule), or a torture scene keeps cutting to black to hide the fact that the torture is very obviously not making contact with the victim. The plot is...who's to say? Okay, it involves Harmon looking to avenge her sister (the torture victim, played by Harmon while writhing topless with her tongue sticking out), an evil organization called Assassins Inc. and a beardo who very obviously can't be trusted yet Harmon teams up with anyway. There's also a weirdo sex party full of sex weirdos (and a bunch of guys in togas) during which the host allows his daugher, who has the mind of a child, to attend, which seems extremely ill-advised. Most of these are standard action thriller elements (okay, maybe not the weirdo sex party full of sex weirdos), but Bryan's assembly plays like the screenplay was fed through the shredder and taped together with half of the pieces missing, distilling the movie's narrative to a crude abstraction of the real thing. The transfer I watched is of a grainy print where the colours have been desaturated, as if the movie was left out in the sun too long and faded like an ancient manuscript or eroded like a historical artifact, and the fact that the movie was shot in the '70s but only released in 1981 adds to this archaeological quality. (At one point someone wears a Van Halen shirt, so I assume that part was not shot before '78, when they released their debut.) And on the soundtrack hums a moron synth take on Morricone, giving the movie a nice, braindead ambience to solidify its distinct bad movie wavelength.

#film #movie review #lady street fighter #james bryan

[sombreboy]

Love Maze »7

Previous  » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 5k ▎ ch.warnings: cursing, second hand embarassment because it’s so damn cheesy & fluffy, discussions of sexuality, violence(Tae’s abusive father).

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang ♡♡♡ Banner made by my lovely @ppersonna​ ily ily ily

Namjoon was standing idly, leaned against the wall in the midst of people with a drink in his hand, eyes immediately widening when he spots the two boys approaching him.

Jungkook already felt embarrassed, the entire situation hadn’t quite hit him until now that their captain had caught them completely naked.

Along with Namjoon knowing, maybe he might’ve told Jin..

Also Jimin— Hoseok, too.

And Yoongi eavesdropped.

So far, everyone was aware of the pair’s earlier whereabouts..

Mark’s guest room.

“Hey, guys! Uhm, how are you?” Yoongi said chirpier than usual, and Taehyung already knew they were fucked. The mint haired boy barely smiled, at least not to the extent where his gums could be seen.

Tae’s body gravitated to Jungkook’s side, his stance still unsteady whilst his narrowed eyes suspiciously raked over the familiar faces of his hyungs.

Fuck, why did this have to happen to him?

Could he even talk to them again? Even less be in the same room?

“What.” Taehyung broke the silence with a straight-face, crossing his arms over his chest.

Namjoon wearily glanced at their surroundings, “Well.. we were going to leave the party and eat out at some fast food place. If you’re not too tired— Which, why would you be? Shit..”

He rubbed at his nape before continuing, “What I’m trying to say is.. want to come along? We want you both there..”

The Captain mumbled, as if saying that no matter the trauma his eyes went through, Kook and Tae were still loved.

Maybe Jungkook already knew that, but something told Namjoon that Tae wasn’t as comfortable.

Taehyung seemed to think about it for a long moment, gaze worried. He’d just told Jungkook how he felt, plus now all of their friends knew they were having sex..

He still needed to figure out where to go from here, in terms of Kook and him.. 

Hell, he didn’t even know what he wanted. Tae liked Jungkook just.. in secrecy.

“I dunno.” Taehyung shrugged, “Kook, do you wanna go?”

Now they really seemed like a couple; he asked the younger what he thought, as if he wasn’t interested in going if Jungkook wasn’t going to be there. As if they came in a pair..

He really wanted to bang his head against the nearest wall, badly.

Jungkook seemed a bit less troubled by the fact that all of his hyungs seemed aware of what was going on between the two boys. He was open about his own sexuality after all.

However, that doesn't mean he wasn't flustered everytime Namjoon made eye contact with him.

Kook stood close to the elder, serving as a physical support in case his sore body decided not to obey his movements.

His head quickly jerked in Tae’s direction of the sound of his nickname, considering his question before responding,

"I'm starved, I could go for some food."

He wasn't lying, he had barely eaten before the party and now all his energy was spent fucking-- he needed food.

He just wasn't sure if he wanted to spend some more time alone with taehyung...was his body even okay? He went really hard on him..

In the end, Jungkook decides, a weird feeling filling his senses  when it seems like Taehyung would want to do whatever he chooses. He nods at his hyungs, Namjoon mimicking the nod,

"Cool, yeah you need to eat especially after-- ah let's just go!" Namjoon stuttered out, internally cursing his big mouth.

As Taehyung limped behind the rest of the boys, making sure to stay close to Jungkook, Mila approached him.

“Taehyung!” Her icy eyes glared into his chocolate-colored ones, coming over with the intention of interrogating the shit out of him, but that was put on the back burner soon enough.

“What.. what happened to you?”

She questioned, seeing that Tae looked weaker than usual, legs wobbly as he walked.

“Did— Did he beat you up?” Mila pointed over at Jungkook, remembering Namjoon’s words from a few minutes ago. She guessed they must’ve had a feud, which ended in a physical fight.

“Taehyung, baby..” The woman cupped the boy’s sullen face, brushing his fringe away from his eyes to look at him more clearly.

“Mila—“ He tried to speak but she wouldn’t let him, shushing him gently.

Was she that desperate?

“Taehyung, Jungkook!” Jin whistled at them, trying to give them an excuse to get the hell out of there. “I’m starving, you know I get moody when I’m hungry!”

“I gotta go..” Taehyung shrugged, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants. 

Mila stared at him dumbfounded, watching as Tae left her behind with a blurry vision.

It didn’t make any sense..

“Fuck, that was close.” Taehyung mumbled to the younger as they made their way to his car, bidding goodbye to the rest of the boys for now.

Shit. He regretted parking a few streets down.. 

In the midst of their calming walk, Taehyung snuck a few glances at Jungkook, trying to be subtle despite him never being good at that..

“I had fun.” The elder shrugged his shoulders, not trying to sound cheesy or anything of that sort.

“..Did you?”

As he was mildly annoyed yet amused by the entire Mila scene, he was relieved that they finally made it out of the suffocating building to head back towards the car. He kept his pace a little slower than usual, meaning sure he kept his form next to Taehyung.

Speaking of Taehyung, who suddenly seems full of surprises today. Since when would he ask Jungkook what he thought? Twice.

And not to forget the fact that Taehyung, for the first time, had mentioned that he's got feelings for the younger male.

Jungkook gazed over at Tae, a small smile on his lips forming due to the sweetness of that question. It was silly-- but he enjoyed that if he felt like his opinion mattered. And, after the confession, some of the elders actions automatically seemed to be of different meaning than when he didn't know.

"One of the best nights of my life." 

Kook felt a little brave, blaming it on the alcohol, letting his hand chase for the elders to delicately grab it in his. It was dark out, barely anybody around... why not hold his hand? He craved it, almost as much as craving his body. It was much deeper than that.

The elder shook his head, stifling a chuckle of his own.

“That’s a little bit of a stretch, don’t you think?”

Nevertheless, Taehyung secretly agreed with Jungkook. Aside from the random boy puking buckets in the restroom, it was a pretty awesome night. Scratch that, the best night.

Expecting the surprisingly comfortable silence to linger for a little longer, Tae yelped when he felt something brush against his hand, only to relax when seeing that the ‘something’ was attached to Jungkook’s body.

The elder looked at their surroundings, making sure that no one was close. He was glad that it was dark out; Taehyung’s face was a hue of red.

But then again, if Jungkook caught him, he’d just blame it on the cold.

“Come on, let’s hurry..” Tae bit down on his lip, squeezing onto the younger’s hand before pulling him along to his car.

They’d settled for McDonald’s, where they met Namjoon and the rest of the boys at one of the enclosed booths in the corner.

It seemed big enough for all of them, and even if it wasn’t, they were going to have to make it work.

Taehyung slid into the middle, holding back a groan when he’d been so careless to his butt’s feelings. And it was feeling pretty fuckin’ hurt.

“That lady keeps glaring at us..” Hoseok pouted, eyeing the older woman behind the counter who looked like she would rather be in hell.

“Of course she is, Hoseok. We literally came in thirty minutes before they closed.” Jimin sighed, taking a seat.

“Well, we better make those thirty minutes count, huh?” Namjoon smiled, glancing over at Jungkook and Taehyung. “It gives us enough time to talk..”

God, the elder was /horrible/ at being subtle, even worse than Taehyung.

Jungkook loudly slipped through the straw of his soda, preferably he’d just not have this conversation at all. He feels like he's had so many revealing moments in the past few weeks that he swears at this point confrontations were just a part of his daily life.

He glances at Taehyung, knowing that even if they know-- even if /he/ knows how tae feels, he is absolutely useless at communicating himself. So, in a sense, he needed this 'group meeting'.. whether he wanted it or not.

"Was it good?" Yoongi blurts out noncommittally, however a small spark of interest lingered in his eyes when he looked at the boys. It didn't last long though, both Jimin & Jin kicking at his leg below the table.

Kook leaned forward a little bit, his doe eyes moving across the table until they land on namjoon. Of course he looked like he was about to explode from word vomit.

"Just ask, hyung, you look like you're about to burst."

Drawing small chuckles from the group, Namjoon takes a quiet deep breath before he throws out his first question. It might be terribly inappropriate, but not knowing for certain was gnawing at his senses.

Of course, before he managed to open his mouth, Yoongi's voice once more asked out loud what everyone was initially thinking, no beating around the bush,

"So, you're both gay?" All eyes flickered between the two boys, slightly more focused on Taehyung. They already know kook is gay-- but Kim Taehyung?!

Taehyung nearly choked on his chicken nuggets.

“No.” He was quick to shoot everyone’s suspicions down, “I mean.. I’m not gay.”

A few seconds later, and the elder didn’t seem so sure.

“Fuck, I-I don’t know.” 

Taehyung stuffed his face with some more food, too embarrassed to meet anyone’s eye. He didn’t know who he was, all he knew was that he kinda, sorta really liked Jeon Jungkook.

Maybe he was Kook-sexual. Surprisingly, that made the most sense to him..

“Well, you know. You can be bi, pansexual..” Jin encouraged, stealing one of Tae’s nuggets.

“I don’t know, alright?” Taehyung playfully slapped his hyung’s hand away, guarding his food.

Can these thirty minutes go by even slower?

The elder felt like he was in the middle of an interrogation, and in some way, he was.

Why was his sexuality that big of a deal? It’s not like Tae’s one to flaunt it wherever he went.

The boy just wanted to eat his chicken nuggets in peace.

Jungkook quietly listened in on the conversation, chewing his double burger with a content hum, until, finally, it was his turn to have the attention turned to him,

''Kook,'' Jimin was curious, ''What happened to Ash? I thought you two were a thing--'' He got interrupted by Namjoon, ''Yeah, I thought so too?''

Now everyone stared at the youngest, his eyes widening as he could literally feel his body freeze at the mention of his name. The memories were still fresh, the fear ingrained in his chest in the form of anxiety. He takes a deep breath, 

''Not a thing. He's a psycho.''

Jungkook was straight to the point, cold and it was obvious he didn't want to speak further on the topic, the message duly noted by the group. Namjoon cleared his throat after a few seconds of worry, they surely didn't know what had happened. Only the two boys knew.

''Well... What about you two?'' His eyes flickered between Tae & Kook

“What about us?” Taehyung relaxed after having brushed off Ash’s name, his shoulders no longer tense, and his face no longer morphed into a scowl.

“He meant if you guys are together.” Yoongi nonchalantly clarified, “Since, you know, you were fucking.”

Everyone went silent. Partly because of shock, and the other from anticipation.

“Uh..” Taehyung glanced at Jungkook, not knowing the answer to that question himself.

“It’s none of your business, hyungs.” He sipped on his strawberry milkshake, mind still clouded with confusion.

Were they together..? 

No, Kook didn’t say anything.

But he did confess..

Jungkook was probably over him.

“Well, let’s start off here.. When you think of Jungkook, what comes to mind?”

Jimin suddenly turned into the love expert, crossing his legs before leaning further on the table.

Taehyung raised a brow, amused by Jimin’s facade. He hesitated whether or not to answer, but Tae guessed there was no harm in doing so..

“Fine.” He sighed, feeling defeated. Tae’s back sank back into the booth, gaze glued to his thighs to make everything a little more bearable.

“When I think of Jungkook.. I think of asshole.” A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“An asshole that I’d purposely picked on since third grade.. because I wanted to talk to him. I didn’t know how else to get his attention.”

He fidgeted with his fingers. “I really liked his eyes. Still do. I think that’s the first thing that drew me towards him, physically. But.. the more I talked to him— or picked on him, I learned that he was witty.. and still, such an asshole.” Taehyung chuckled, taking a small pause. “I like assholes, though—“

“Figuratively and literally, huh?” Hoseok wiggled his brows.

“Hyung, please shut up.” Tae glared at him, shaking his head before continuing. “Anyways. I guess Jungkook can be kind. He’s dorky. He’s pretty..”

When he felt himself begin to blush, that’s when Taehyung stopped. Truth is he had a lot more to say, but it’d probably take the whole night.

Tae continued to drink his milkshake, looking at the table instead of at his smiling hyungs.

“Okay..” Jimin tried hard not to giggle. “What about you, Jungkookie? What do you think of Tae?”

Jungkook was already a flustered mess at the way Taehyung had suddenly opened up and verbalize his feelings in a manner that the younger has never heard. ever. Even if it included the word asshole at least four times.

Nobody has ever said such things about him, and for that person to be Kim Taehyung.... Was this real life? Jungkook had to squeeze his thigh to make sure it was.

''What about you, Jungkookie? What do you think of Tae?'' Jimin suddenly caught the youngest's attention with his singsong voice.

''I hated him, and lo-... liked him at the same time,'' Jungkook pauses, his hands holding on to his own thighs to keep himself grounded. He really was such a mess of emotions, even though he rarely wanted to speak out about them,

''He's blunt... honest, and even if he was an asshole to me this entire time, he never pitied me...'' It was an important fact, that he wasnt treated like a fragile butterfly by everyone simply because of everything hes been through. And the fact that Tae wasnt aware of his struggles, was only a good thing.

''Just... I feel safe with him.'' Jungkook nods to confirm his own words, a soft smile pulling on his lips at the memory of Taehyung literally running, dropping everything to come get him when he needed it.

''And... I let him pick on me all this time, because I enjoyed it..'' Kook made a face, it probably sounded weird to say, ''I didn't think he'd give me any other kind of attention, and since I liked him, it was good enough.''

Another pause, the boys' mouths hanging open as they are completely focused on what the youngest was saying, Hoseok clutching his chest at the moment,

''He just makes me feel safe, and that he cares.. in his own way...And he's always been really easy on the eyes.''

If he was still munching on his greasy nuggets, Taehyung was sure that he would’ve actually choked on them. 

At the moment, he settled for biting on his straw. Anything to not unglue his eyes from the table. He felt the tip of his ears turn red, as well as the apples of his cheeks.

Why did this have to uncover with their hyungs present..? But then again, Tae thanked the lords that Jimin opened up his mouth.

If it wasn’t for the smaller boy, he would’ve never been able to fawn over Jungkook’s words. Even if he didn’t show it.

“It’s getting kinda late..” Taehyung looked at his invisible watch, glancing up at Kook for the second time. 

Tae was still shy, but he didn’t like to admit it.

“You ready to go?” The elder tried to not let his voice waver, still sipping on his milkshake as a distraction.

Jungkook quickly nodded, his cheeks feeling just as hot from this entire situation of exposure,

''Yeah.''

He wobbled up on his legs, bowing to his hyungs as he waited for Taehyung to follow suit, ''Uh, see you guys tomorrow.'' Kook murmured, his eyes not failing to notice the group of boys wearing various versions of a smile on their lips, others more surprised still by this entire thing.

As Taehyung got up with him, they walked side by side to exit the McDonalds, heading towards the car. As soon as Kook was able to sit down inside of the vehicle, isolated from the outside world together with Tae, he let out a deep, relieved sigh, that contained all of his anxiety that he'd held in the entire dinner. All of this information is still a lot to process, yet not that hard to digest.

Taehyung did like him.

He glanced over at the elder as he sat down carefully, kook internally blaming himself for the soreness in tae's body.

''I don't think I've ever seen you so flustered.''

“Shut up..” The elder timidly grinned, “Kim Taehyung doesn’t get flustered.”

He carefully sat his treasured strawberry shake in the cup holder, moving around in his seat until he found a position that his butt was happy with.

Tae’s body was still so sore..

“So I’m easy on the eyes, hm?” The boy decided it was his turn to tease Kook, resting his head back against the headrest whilst he stared out of the window.

He didn’t feel like driving right now; the sky looked too beautiful to ignore.

All of the stars had seemed to come out from their hiding spots and shine down on them.

Namjoon and the rest of the group had already left, which left the pair alone in the McDonald’s parking lot.

Jungkook breathed out a chuckle through his nose, leaning towards the window to enjoy the view. The stars surely were bright tonight, and it was beautiful.

Something about seeing all those stars made Jungkook feel so small, and it calmed him down.

''Yeah, you are.'' He murmured, his big doe eyes in awe at the bright night sky, the glimmer in the distanced orbs of fire reflecting into his dark eyes,

He could feel words stuck on his tongue, he wanted to ask... Indulging in the small silence for another moment, he decides to just... say it,

''I really... really like you.''

Instead of looking at the stars in the sky, Taehyung stared at the star next to him, his twinkling eyes slightly enlarging from Kook’s abrupt confession.

“Jungkook..” The elder gulped,  overthrown by different emotions all at once.

Happiness, scared, fear, embarrassment...pride. It was overwhelming, but just enough for Taehyung to still endure it.

“I really.. really, really fucking like you too.” He admitted for the second time that night, feeling a clench in his chest.

Leaning over from his seat, Tae rested a hand on Jungkook’s thigh to balance himself before kissing the faint scar on the boy’s cheek, pulling away to gaze into his eyes.

Fuck, this was so cheesy. But maybe cheesy wasn’t all that bad..

Jungkook turned to face Taehyung the second after he felt the soft warmth of his lips against his cheek, his big doe eyes staring into the eyes of the very man that's been the culprit of stealing his heart. 

A wave of every single emotion he was capable of feeling swirled in his chest, washed away from the small, simple touch of Taehyung's lips on his cheek-- leaving nothing but affection left to stay.

''Do you...'' he pauses, his hand settling on top of Taehyung's hand settled on his thigh, nervously smoothing his thumb over the elders knuckles, his eyes flickering between Tae's,

''Want to date me? Like... be my..'' He couldn't finish his sentence, it felt like his heart was about to burst through his ribcage. He's never felt so nervous about asking someone out before. Honestly, he's never asked somebody out before. How the fuck to people do this frequently?

“Be your..?” For the first time in a while, Taehyung giggled from the butterflies roaming freely in his stomach. 

Who would’ve thought that Jeon Jungkook would be asking him out in the McDonald’s parking lot?

Tae wouldn’t have it any other way. The setting was perfect, even if Jungkook hadn’t gone all out. After all, everything was so sudden. 

The elder preferred this much more, just the two of them.. 

“Your boyfriend? Your friend? Your fuck buddy?”

At this moment, Taehyung indulged himself in the present. Their problematic past didn’t matter, and he was sure that their future would be fine.

Even though the whole dating scheme was new to him, Tae was willing to give it his all.

The latter still couldn’t believe it.. How did a rough, lust-filled night turn into something so sweet?

Taehyung would never forget this moment; he wouldn’t allow it.

Jungkook couldn't help but let out a snort at Taehyung's words, scrunching his nose as a toothy grin adorned his lips,

''All of the above. Do you want to be my boyfriend?'' He finally had the courage to say it, finally, officially ask him the big question. To clarify whatever this was once and for all.

With a restrained nod of his head, Taehyung broke the unwanted distance between their lips.

He kissed Jungkook sweetly, only focusing on how soft he felt against his mouth.

The other hand that wasn’t placed on the boy’s thigh was cupping his face, drawing Kook deeper into the kiss.

When Taehyung finally pulled away, a string of saliva still connected the two of them together, that’s when Tae voiced out his answer.

“Yeah, I do. ‘M not too sure about the fuck buddy part though..” The elder hummed playfully, stealing another peck before situating himself back on his seat.

McDonald’s suddenly had a /whole/ different meaning..

He was indeed ‘Lovin’ It.’

“Okay, we should go now.” As if he was still in a trance, Taehyung started his car. 

The boy took one last look at the stars, and then at Jungkook, wanting to engrave this corny moment in his head.

When he felt like he’d saved the mental image, Tae happily drove off towards Kook’s apartment.

Jungkook nods, unable to wipe the dumb smile off his face, feeling like a giddy child on christmas.

During the somewhat silent drive, all he heard was the rumbling of the car engine, and Kook took every chance he got to glance over at Taehyung in between watching the streetlights flash by.

He felt good, free.. Happy...For the first time in who knows how long.

Jungkook had a boyfriend.

A real boyfriend.

He almost vibrated in his seat at the thought.

“Okay, get out of my car, Kook.” Taehyung joked once he’d parked in front of Jungkook’s apartment, part of him not wanting to say goodbye quite yet.

But, he should. His father was probably home, ‘worrying’ to death about his son’s whereabouts this late into the night.

Yeah, that was funny.

No, Tae just needed to get home to save himself from a beating. It was weird, really..

His father gave zero shits about him, yet he still demanded he was home by a specific time.

Taehyung just hoped that he was passed out drunk. He wanted to sneak up to his room and replay the day’s events all over again.

“Hey..” He hesitantly wrapped his fingers around Jungkook’s wrist, tugging at his arm.

With a quick look at their surroundings, making sure that no one else was around, Taehyung finally looked back at the younger once again.

“Are you really going to leave me without a kiss?”

Tae was serious, he wanted a good night’s smooch from, well.. his boyfriend.

It still felt weird to say that, or even think it.. 

But, something told him he’d get used to it pretty quick.

Jungkook raised his eyebrows when Taehyung said those words. It really was so new to head and see him act this way... but kook liked it. His heart felt so light when he leaned back in to place a soft kiss on Taehyung's lips, letting it linger for a little longer. He wishes he could just bring the elder in with him, but... his parents must worry about him. 

Now that kook thinks about it, he doesn’t really know much about Taehyung's personal life— except for, well, being a part of it himself now.

Either way, the night had to come to an end.

“Goodnight, Taehyungie..” Jungkook brushed Tae’s fringe away from his eyes before placing one last, chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow~”

Kook opened the door, stepping out of the car and walking up to his front door, all while glancing back at his boyfriend over his shoulder before shooting a wide smile, followed with a small wave. 

He really could get used to this. 

One last look at the car, and kook decided it was time to head inside, it was way too cold to stand and say goodbye for too long, he just wanted to go sleep, so that he’d be able to see taehyung tomorrow again.

After waving back at Jungkook, Tae drove off to his house with a smile temporarily sketched on his face, still feeling the soft touch of Kook’s lips on his. Still replaying the boy’s nervous confession in his head.

He was so happy.. 

The happiest he’s been in months, really.

And all because of the male he’d once despised, or pretended to.

Could the night get any better? Taehyung doubted it, Jungkook wasn’t by his side.

“Ah shit,” He disappointedly sighed to himself, scolding his cheesy thoughts.

“Is this what a relationship does to you..”

Grabbing the half-empty milkshake, Tae brought the chewed-up straw up to his lips before carefully opening the front door. 

He peeked his head inside, quietly  stepping in when he realized that his father was passed out on the couch, some show playing on the TV.

After taking off his shoes, Taehyung was about to tiptoe his way up the stairs when the snoring had come to a sudden stop. Confused, he looked back into the living room.

His father had woken up from his slumber, drowsily surveying around the room when his piercing eyes landed on Taehyung.

“Son..” The older man slurred, still  dressed in his work suit as he approached Tae on unsteady feet.

He was drunk.

“How was school?”

He was very drunk.

Taehyung clenched his jaw, “It’s 11:23 at night, dad.”

Thankfully, the man didn’t seem to be in one of his moods. He was out of it.

Tae hated himself for worrying.

“Ah.. well, it was a very long school day.” With a soft chuckle, he stumbled back into the kitchen, aiming for the fridge.

Taehyung saw this and he quickly followed after him, knowing what he was searching for.

The man tried taking a hold of another beer when Tae stopped him, softly taking a hold of his wrist so as to not anger him.

“Dad.. I think you’ve had enough, okay? Uh, maybe tomorrow.”

The older man scoffed, pulling himself away from Taehyung’s hold.

“I’m an adult, I can do whatever I want.” 

His fingers itched to touch the cold bottle, but Taehyung was there to stop him. Again.

“What’s your problem?!” He grew annoyed, angry with Taehyung for trying to control him.

Just like him, Tae grew annoyed as well.

“What’s my problem?” He repeated, as if it wasn’t already obvious enough.

“My problem is that you can’t see you’re a fucking alcoholic! That’s my problem.” Taehyung’s chest heaved, already over the edge.

“Why— Just why can’t you see that shit is killing you? You’re obli-“ Before he knew it, his body fell to the floor.

His father had thrown a punch to his jaw, causing Tae to lose his balance.

He’d banged his head pretty hard, and when Taehyung finally took complete notice of what was happening, it was already too late. 

The older man sat on top of him, repeatedly pounding his fist into his face, eyes dark like the devil’s.

Taehyung groaned in pain, taking the hits. He was too frail to try and defend himself, so he didn’t.

“P-Please..” The boy weakly begged, fresh blood oozing down his face. 

He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want to give his father the satisfaction.

“Next time you think about telling me what to do, don’t.” With one last harsh kick to his stomach, his father left him alone on the kitchen floor, bleeding and shaking.

Taehyung’s gaze was empty, dull.. lifeless. Every emotion was drained. 

A tear rolled down the side of his eye, and he didn’t bother wiping it away.

His father was gone, he could cry. It was okay.

Minutes later, Taehyung dozed off to sleep, too weak to bandage his wounds.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Jungkook had a completely different night compared to Taehyung, spending it giddy, replaying the events of their entire day at least a thousand times before he managed to actually fall asleep. 

He really wished that he could have fallen asleep with Taehyung, and this time wake up next to him as well. Hopefully that would be a reality soon enough.

© sombreboy 2020. Do not repost, edit or translate. 

#Fic: Love maze #Taekook fic #Taekook series #Taekook school au #Taehyung x Jungkook #Taekook fluff #sombreboy

[ddaengyoonmin]

-Blind To Love-

Pairing: Dom!Hoseok x Virgin!Reader. (Slightly but not really much) Taehyung x Reader

Genre: ANGST (Like really angsty), Smut, A bit of Fluff at the end.  Author also tried for humor a few times and may have failed lmao

Warnings: Oral (Female receiving); Masturbation (Male); Descriptions of Cheating; Losing Virginity; Unprotected sex; Alcohol intoxication; Mentions of being taken advantage of while intoxicated.

Songs I listened to a lot while writing: - Wicked Games- The Weekend ; Kiss land-The Weekend; Friends of friends- Manila Grey; Hurt-Oliver Tree

Word Count: 13.5k

A/N: This is my first time writing a full sex scene. Not totally sure if it was a success but we’ll see lol Let me know what you guys think! I had fun writing this.  This was based on a short drabble I had done in my ‘talking between kisses reaction set’

A Blind date your best friend set you up on goes from amazing to horrible.  Yet neither of you can get the other off your mind.  Maybe there really was something there...

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You didn’t think moving on would be easy.  Especially not as easy as your best friend Ashley was making it sound.

It had been a month since it happened.  The love of your life, you’d been with since high school had decided his was fed up with your idea of waiting to have sex with him.  You’d fought about it many times but usually it would end with his temper simmering down and him sighing an ‘I still love you y/n, I just don’t know how much longer I can wait’

You really didn’t have a good reason of why you hadn’t had sex yet, it just never seemed like the right time, something always ended up feeling off once you were close to it and you’d chicken out.  

Once you’d even screamed a “Nevermind!” Right before Jackson was about to put it in.  He was less than pleased about that, and didn’t talk to you for about a week.  You felt like shit about it but you had gotten too nervous.  You loved Jackson.  You really did.  But the vibes were always off, and you were the type of person who liked to trust your gut about things like this.

A month ago, you’d gone over to his house to surprise him with some delicious cookies you’d just baked and a dvd rental for an impromptu date night, knowing he also had the night off.  You had a spare key to his place so you let yourself in and yelled out “I brought your favorites, Me, some cookies and a…” you were cut off by a loud moan.  Wondering if he was watching porn you, giggled.   It wasn’t the first time you’d walked in on him, you went to his room to swing open the door with a joking “Caught ya!”

You weren’t expecting the disgusting sight you saw.  You sure did catch him.  On his bed, balls deep in a cute skinny brunette wearing a cheerleaders outfit.  Your jaw dropped and you wished you could unsee what you were seeing.  He was positioned with her on top rocking her hips against him squealing with pleasure.  

The worst of it all, the memory that was still stuck in your head, was when he saw you standing there.  He looked right at you, no remorse on his face, no surprise, and he just shrugged.  Almost as if to say ‘what’d you expect’ . You ran out of the room, out of that house, dropping the cookies on the floor as you left, eyes burning and tears pouring down your face.  

That was the last time you’d seen him, and you never wanted to see him again.  It had broken you.  For about a week you were a complete mess, you called in sick to work, faking the flu and just sat in your room tearing up every picture of him.  Trying your hardest to tear apart every memory from your brain with them.  

Now it was easier to bear, but you couldn’t help feeling like if you had only put out...if you had only let him, maybe he wouldn’t have had to go get it from someone else.

“That’s bullshit, he’s just a pig and probably would’ve done it anyways.” Your best friend Ashley remarked as she pushed a large chip into her mouth.  You had just told her of that theory and she was not putting up with it.  “He wasn’t entitled to anything y/n. You should be grateful you didn’t sleep with that asshole”

You bent your head down, frowning, “I guess”

“You need a good rebound” she said, shoveling down more chips.

“I do not! And be careful. You are getting crumbs all over my bed” You whined.

This was a regular night for the two of you, laying in your bed binge watching your favorite tv shows together on the tv that hung on your bedroom wall.

“You may not think you do, but trust me, it would help! Just a nice guy to take your V card so you can finally let out some of that bottled up stress” She smirked, messily crunching a chip just to tick you off.

“So it’s good I didn’t have sex with the man I was with for years, but you approve of a one night stand?

Ashley turned to you, eyes narrowing, she put a hand on either side of your face and held you so you’d look her in the eye “Exactly! Jackson, was awful, what he did was awful.  I never liked him.  You’re too good for him.  But you have neglected that puss girl.  Find a nice guy, and fuck him, and you’ll feel better.”

Your eyes bugged out of your skull and you slapped her hands away “Puss?! Puss Ashley?? Really??” you were laughing so hard tears started to form in your eyes, and she rolled into you cracking up just as hard.

Once you’d just about peed your pants you calmed yourself down, wiping your tears from the corners of your eyes.

“Seokjin has a friend I could set you up with you know.  He just came back into town after being gone for a long time. ” she suggested in a serious tone.  You considered for a moment.  Her boyfriend Seokjin was a really nice guy, him and Ashley had been together almost a year now, and you’d never seen her more happy.  Yet, just because this guy was a friend of his didn’t insure that he would be a decent guy as well.  Plus the idea of going on a date just to ‘get some’ was so not your style.

You shrugged, “I just don’t think I’m ready Ash”

She sighed in defeat.  “I just don’t see the harm in trying”

You put your hands over your face and quietly groaned “Fine fine fine fine”

Her eyes lit up, “Really??” She immediately got out her phone and started texting.

“Shit Ash, right away?”

“Yep!” She grinned and set her phone back down on the bed.  “I just texted Jin to set it up with his friend.  I thought you guys would be cute together when I met him the other day. He’s quite the gentleman, and I think you guys will really hit it off”

“Great, can we watch the show now?” you groaned

Ashley cuddled up next to you to watch the tv, mouth pulled into a wide grin due to her victory.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were in your bathroom putting the finishing touches on your hair and makeup before heading out.  Ashley had set the date up but didn’t tell you more than the guy’s name, she didn’t even let you see a picture of him.  “It’ll be more exciting that way! He hasn’t seen you either.  Just make sure you get him home after and take care of your little issue there” She had giggled and winked when telling you.

You had sighed and told her you still weren’t sure about it, and that you’d probably chicken out about the sex part.

But, you did think it was a good idea to go on a date and get out there again, you hadn’t fully gotten your ex off your mind and she was right that this might be a good distraction and way to get erase some of those feelings you were still clinging on to.

You had opted for a tight, short red dress with spaghetti straps that exposed your back quite a bit.  You figured that even if you decided not to try and have sex tonight it wouldn’t hurt to try and increase the chances that you could by wearing something appealing.

The taxi you had called takes you to the Italian restaurant you had been told to meet the man at.  Hoseok was his name, and besides Ash’s reassurances that he was a really nice guy, that was all you knew about him, you wondered if Ash had played up his niceness due to the fact that his looks were, in the nicest words...lacking.  Not that you were totally superficial but a pretty face definitely doesn’t hurt, especially if you end up following through with hooking up with him as Ashley insisted you should.  As you were walking into the restaurant you texted him to say you were there, he had gotten your number the night before from Seokjin so that you two could set up a time and place.  

Text From Hoseok: Hey, sorry I’m running a few minutes late, would you mind getting a table for us? I’ll be there soon

You got yourself seated at a table for two, informing the hostess another would be joining you soon.  You were brought waters and menus.  You were taking a large sip of water when a tall, jaw droppingly attractive man approached your table, “Are you Y/N?”  He asked, his voice deep and smooth.  Your eyes grew as wide as saucers at his breathtaking presence.  You almost spit all of the water you still held in your mouth onto the table, trying to save yourself from that embarrassment you swallowed it all in one big gulp, not helping save you from any embarrassment as that action caused you to start choking and coughing.

 You covered your mouth an nodded at him, appalled at yourself, for your less than ideal first impression.  

He seemed to be amused, settling himself down across from you at the table.  His dark black hair was parted down the center, wavy and styled perfectly, and he was dressed so stylishly with dark black jeans, a v neck shirt and a perfectly fitting burgundy jacket, unbuttoned.   You start to wonder whether he was a model.  You realized how much you were staring and thanked the gods that he was staring at his menu and not you.

“Have you ever been here before?” He breaks the silence and looks up at you with the corner of his mouth pulled into a slight smile.

You shook your head shyly.  

“Me either,” He replies “I do like pasta though, would you wanna each get two different ones and split them 50/50, I can’t make up my mind”

You nod at him slowly.  He’s acting so comfortable with you right away, and you can barely get yourself to form words.  You want to smack yourself in the forehead at your awkwardness with him.

He smiles “Great! We should try the shrimp alfredo, and the cream tomato and beef pasta if that sounds good to you?” He cutely cocked his head slightly to the side at his question, eyes making confident contact with yours.

You nod again, words still struggled to come out of your lips.

Hoseok chuckled “Are you always this quiet?”

“I-I’m sorry, no, I’m just nervous” You quietly managed to get out

“No need to be nervous sweetheart, you’re in good hands tonight” He winked.

You felt butterflies in your stomach, ‘sweetheart? he really isn’t shy’, you thought to yourself.

The waiter came over to the table and Hoseok ordered for you both, “And a glass of Merlot for the lady here,” he added at the end.  

“Wait what, why?” You stuttered

He laughed with a flirtatious smirk “Because, you need to loosen up a little sweetheart”

There was that sweetheart again, and the butterflies in your stomach to go with it.  

While you waited for your food Hoseok didn’t wait long to get in to asking you all about yourself, you answered most of his questions without stuttering over your words too much, telling him about your job, and your family. He listened intently to every answer, nodding his head paying full attention to every detail you gave.

Once the wine reached your table you eagerly grabbed it and chugged about half of it quickly.  Hoseok chuckled at you and shook his head. “Well that should help huh?” He lightly teased.

You managed a small smile “I’m so sorry, I’m not usually so awkward,”

He shrugged, “I think its cute”

Damn, he's not helping by saying things like that.  His charming flirty way of speaking was so effortless, contrasted by your awkward bumbling around so far you don’t see how he could possibly find it cute.  Yet, there was no hint of dishonestly in his voice.  

With one finger he slowly nudged your wine glass closer to you “Finish it” He ordered.

Taken aback by his boldness your eyes widen, but you can’t deny it really would help.  You take the glass to your lips drinking every last drop in the glass.  He smiled and nodded approvingly “Good girl,” He praised.  

You felt your heart flip flop in your chest at his praise.  Shyly looking down to the table.

“So,” you begin “Ashley said you were out of town for a long time and just got back,”

“Right,” He nodded “I was in New York, I stayed there to teach dance for a couple years”

“Wow! New York, that’s pretty far.  So you’re a dancer?”

The rest of the dinner was a lot more relaxed with you both exchanging personal details of your life.  You at one point when he was busy eating snuck a text under the table to Ashley

‘THANKS for not warning me how hot the guy you were setting me up with is.  I literally choked on my water when he walked up to the table’

Her reply was almost instant as if she’d been waiting for some sort of update from you on how it was going ‘Get some’ was all she said.  You rolled your eyes.

“Something up?” Hoseok said curiously, bringing his water to his lips.

“Oh no, just Ashley, checking up on me.  She’s nosy” you muttered.

Hoseok chuckled “She seems great, When I first met her she couldn’t stop talking about you and how much I’d like you if I met you”

“What?” you gasped slightly mortified. “Ugh, like I said she's really nosy, I’m sorry if she pushed you into this”

“Nobody pushes me into anything” He stated firmly “For the record I’m really glad I came, hopefully you are too?” He raised an eyebrow

“Yeah, I am” you smiled shyly at the charming man sitting across from you, his confidence never fading throughout any interaction between the two of you.  You were quite fond of everything about him, his looks and his never faltering aura of relaxedness.

When dinner was over he paid, which you tried to insist he didn’t need to.

“Nonsense” He cut off your reasonings for why you should pay for your half, and slipped his card to the waiter before you could do anything about it.

“Thank you”

“Of course, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t pay for my beautiful date’s meal on our first date”

You blushed at the endearment from him.  Getting up from the table he helped you put your coat that you had brought with you on, holding it while you turned back facing him and put and arm in each sleeve.  

“Shall I walk you to your car?” He offered

“I uh, actually took a taxi here, I forgot to call one to pick me up but I’ll do that now and it shouldn't take more than 20 minutes to get here”

He frowned and shook his head, “No, I’ll drive you home”

“You really don’t have to, I live kinda far from here”

“Which is exactly why I would be a total jerk if I let you pay for another long taxi ride home”

You could tell no wasn’t going to be an answer, and honestly spending more time with him wasn’t a bad idea.  You had decided half way through the meal you weren’t going to try and bring him home, you were already too nervous just talking to him, you couldn’t even imagine how bad you’d be in bed right now.  But the thought still intrigued you, the way his lips looked so soft and welcoming, the way his jacked was unbuttoned in a way that let you see the tight shirt clinging to his muscular chest made your core ache in a way you’d never felt before.

As he drove you home the two of you engaged in more small talk, though you weren’t totally attentive the whole time, your mind still distracted by impure thoughts of the man sitting next to you.  

Once reaching your apartment complex, with a hand on the car door, you turned to say goodbye and were met with his hungry eyes.  He was staring at your lips not letting his eyes leave your face. You could feel your heart pounding loudly in your chest.  He slowly leaned in towards you getting only inches from your face, waiting for your permission to lay his lips on yours. ‘Fuck it’ you thought.  You granted him what he was craving because oh how you were craving it too.  

Lunging forward into the kiss and grabbing the back of his neck you as you did.  The kisses were fast and sloppy like two people who were starved.  “Oh my god y/n” He gasped into your mouth “please” he groaned, lips meeting yours again and his tongue starting to lightly flick your bottom lip before pulling away slightly “will you…” he plants a few more quick sloppy kisses on you, then through his pants you could hear... “please, will you invite me to come in with you?”

You hesitated, not because you didn’t want to invite him in, but because you couldn’t believe this was happening, it felt surreal that this godlike man was begging YOU to invite him to your place.  You managed a small nod of your head.  He let out a soft growl planting one last kiss on your lips before pulling into a parking space quickly, and rushing to your side of the car to open the door for you.

It felt like time was moving too slowly as you hand in hand led him to your apartment.  The key couldn’t turn in the lock fast enough, as you felt you would die of anticipation.  This was it, this was the night you would finally lose your virginity, and to HIM?  

Once inside he mumbled “You live alone?” and you confirmed yes you live alone.  Instantly he grabbed you by your waist, pressing every inch of his body against yours, his breathing strained and his eyes lustful as he trailed kisses down your neck and to the top of your chest where the fabric of your dress still hung over your breasts.  He took one of the straps from your dress and slid it down off your shoulder, pleased to see you hadn’t been wearing a bra (As the dress had a built in one, you silently thanked yourself for choosing this attire)  he groaned as he slipped the other strap off of your shoulder as well, giving him full view of your tits.  

“Wow,” he breathed heavily “So perfect” and he cupped one in his hand while bringing his face to the other to plant kisses and then to take your erect bud into his mouth, flicking his tongue against you eliciting a soft moan from your lips, while you ran your hands through his hair as he sucked and teased. He dropped to his knees, pulling your dress down further, now kissing your stomach with soft but needy kisses. He glanced up at you to see your eyes closed and head tilted back in ecstasy.  He smirked and planted another kiss right below your belly button, proud of the state you’re in, proud that he was making you feel that way.  

Hoseok slipped your dress down all the way, leaving you naked and exposed besides the lace black panties still clinging to the part of your body that was so needy for his touch.

He played with the hem of the panties, teasing you until you groaned a “Hoseok, please” At that he gently pressed a finger to your clit over the fabric and slowly drew circles, you let out a soft squeak at the sudden wave of pleasure flooding your body.

Hoseok then suddenly and harshely grabbed the panties and yanked them down to your ankles as if they were offending him, angry that they were in his way.  He smirked up at you only for a split second before diving in to your soaking core.  You could barely stay standing, your knees feeling weak as his tounge playfully licked you, flicking over your clit while he held you from behind your thighs.

“H-Hoseok” you whined,  He continued to hungrily lap up every last bit of wetness that you were giving to him.  Your hands holding his head to you gently, feeling yourself already approaching your high.

Jackson had done this for you once or twice, but never this good, you actually faked your orgasm with him one of the times just to get him to stop.  But this, you never wanted it to stop.

Hoseok could feel you approaching your finnish and he sped up his tongue, the quick figure eight movements to your clit were going to be your undoing.  

“That's it baby, come for me” he muttered into you quickly and sped up even faster than you’d thought was possible.  

“H-hoseok, I-I’m gonna, I’m…” A wave of pleasure crashed around you, you gripped his hair roughly as that lethal tongue continued it’s pace.  You couldn’t help but scream out at the feeling.  He didn’t stop until he was sure you had rode out your high, he then slowed his pace until finally bringing his lips away from you and planting one last kiss to your folds before standing up to face you.

He started to unzip his pants “I’m gonna wreck you princess, you don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into now” He smirked darkly.  “You gonna be a good little slut for me? Take my cock in that pussy and obey my every word. I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to taste you even though I don’t think you deserved it for wearing such a revealing dress, teasing me the whole dinner.  I wanted to take you from the minute I saw you and I bet every guy in that restaurant did too. I should punish you for that,  Unfortunately I didn’t bring my paddle, I’ll have to make do with what I’ve got here. Better come up with a safeword sweetheart” His face dark and serious as he continued to undress himself.  Your eyes were wide with shock, no one had ever spoken to you like that before, he was right, you didn’t understand what you’d gotten into.  It kind of scared you, and you realized you should inform him that this was your first time...and that you really didn’t even understand this game he wanted to play with you.  It seemed to be a turn on for him to want to punish you, to want to be rough with you.  He wanted a safeword? You didn’t even know what that meant.  You felt embarrassed of your inexperience, part of you didn’t want to tell him, but you also knew he’d probably realize it pretty quickly.

He roughly grabbed your waist about to lead you to the couch and was opening his mouth to to speak, something filthy again you guessed, when you cut him off with “I’m a virgin!” oh shit, you just blurted it, no set up, no beating around the bush.  Not exactly how you meant to say that but you figured maybe he’d just say okay and you’d continue on your merry way to lovemaking.  

However that was not the case.  Hoseok instantly froze. “What” he said softly in monotone.  

“I-I’ve never had sex before, I just figured that was important to know before we...ya know, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood lets just go back to…”

But he was already pulling his pants back up over his now fading erection, zipping them up and shaking his head the whole time.  “I misread this situation, I’m not doing this” He said with some rage in his tone.  “You should’ve said that sooner” He snapped.

“I’m sorry” You stuttered, tears starting to form, mortified at his reaction.

He quickly gathered himself and without even so much as a goodbye was out the door, slamming it on his way out, and that was it, he was gone.  

You stood in shock, not wanting to chase after him after that harsh rejection you’d just recieved.  The tears forming in your eyes were now rolling down your face.  You’d blown it, maybe you shouldn’t have told him.  When you said it, he looked at you with such disgust, it was the most humiliating feeling you’d ever experienced.  There he was, worshiping you between your legs one moment, to glaring at you and rushing out the door like you had the plague the next.  

You ran to your room and collapsed into your bed sobbing into your pillow, still as naked and exposed as he’d left you when he stormed out the door.  You inner thighs still wet with the lingering reminder of the beautiful gift he’d given you. Your sobs grew louder the more you thought on it, everything was going so well, the whole night was perfect and you ruined it.  How could you get your heartbroken by a guy because you wouldn't have sex with him, only to get your heart broken by the next because you hadn’t had sex and wanted to with him.  

Your cries continued all the way until you drifted into sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“HE WHAT?” Ash’s appalled voice screamed into the phone, you had to pull it away from your ear.  

“Yeah...It was going well, but after I told him...It just all went wrong” You said somberly

“I’m gonna kill him if I see him again.  To just leave like that without a goodbye? Without an explanation, especially after you guys had already gotten pretty hot and heavy together.  I can’t believe anyone would have the nerve to do that. Y/N I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have set you up if I knew he was going to act like such a douche about it.  I’ve heard he was a player but also quite the gentleman so I figured a guy like him would be perfect to take your V card and -SEOKJIN WE NEED TO TALK-” She interrupted her own thought to presumably scream at her probably now terrified boyfriend who had just come in the door to their shared apartment.

“Wait, Ash.  You literally set me up on this date with a player, just for a fuck? What is wrong with you?!” You yelled shocked

“Oh come on, y/n.  It wasn’t like you’re thinking.  I mean yeah I knew he probably wasn’t the type for dating, but he seemed like such a nice guy, and what you needed to get your mind off of Jackson wasn’t a new boyfriend”

You groaned loudly “Ash. I love you. But don’t do that again, and I think this is a perfect example of why not”

“Yeah, I really am sorry, do you need me to come over?” She quietly replied apologetically.

“That’d be nice, bring some ice cream.”

“Okay, I just need to tell Seokjin that his friend is a douchebag real quick and I’ll be right over”

You rolled your eyes, even though she couldn’t see. “Please spare him the details of this. I’d rather my embarrassing night not be the talk of the town.”

“Uhh okay” She answered with a tone you could tell meant she most definitely was going to give every detail to her boyfriend, and probably yell at him about Hoseok as if it was his fault too somehow just by association with the offender in question.

----------------------------------------------------------

When Ashley came over in about an hour you vented, ate icecream and got many hugs and reassurances.  As a pleasant surprise she’d also brought over tons of wine, you both had proceeded to drink almost all of it.  

“Yoush” *hiccup* “You should tell him, that he is a rude” *hiccup* “Rude scumbag, with a trash dick, and you hope it falls off” Ashley drunkenly slurred.

You giggled, equally as drunk as your friend “Ashhhh, I didn’t even see his dick”

“Well tell him that…” She thought hard with her hand to her chin “That he is bad at eating pussy and you thought of someone else the whole time”

“Yikes Ash,” you laughed, Taking another sip of wine.  “How about I just don’t talk to him ever again and lets leave it at that”

But in your drunken haze, before you had even realized what was happening, you saw Ash typing on her phone, wait, not her phone, your phone! “Ash wait no! What are you doing!”

She giggled maniacally and said “SENT” while holding her stomach and falling over with laughter.

You quickly grabbed the phone to assess the damage.

Hey hoseok, y/n here. Just wanted to say that you are a giant douchbag, and a coward. Thanks for leaving without an explaination, doucheee, -much hate, y/n

“ASH WHY” you yelled hitting her in the shoulder, quickly putting your fingers to your keyboard to try and undo what she had done

I’m really sorry, That was Ash not me. You don’t owe me an explanation.  We can just never speak about this or anything ever again.

“Why do you make things worse” You groaned at Ashley after pressing send, hoping Hoseok would just ignore the messages.

*Ding* your phone chimed.  Your stomach dropped. “Oh shit. I don’t wanna read it” you whined

Ashley took the phone and read aloud “Y/N.  I’m very sorry I left in a rush last night, I’m sorry if that hurt you, if you really want an explanation we can meet tomorrow at the coffee shop on the corner of 2nd Street at 2:00.” Ashley looked annoyed “He's really gonna try and meet up after that? What the hell is wrong with him. Don’t go y/n,”  

You nodded as if to agree with her. But your mind was racing.  He wanted to meet again, maybe you hadn’t totally blown it, maybe he had a really good reason, maybe he just ended up not feeling well, maybe he’d want to try again.  You thought hopefully, only to frown, realizing you were probably fooling yourself.  If he didn’t want you then, he wouldn’t want you now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the next day, and there you were, wearing a cute short skirt and tight fitting top, waiting at the coffee shop at 2:00.  Despite Ash’s warnings that you were setting yourself up for more hurt you couldn’t help but be curious at the excuse Hoseok was going to try to use to explain his odd behavior two nights ago.

When he walked into the shop he was just as breathtaking at the first time you’d seen him.  He was wearing gray sweatpants and a black pullover hoodie, a black beanie hanging off of his lazily styled black hair.  It was such a simple lazy look, yet he pulled it off like he was a supermodel.  It was so unfair. Just two nights ago that perfect face was buried between your legs, and seeing him now just reminded you that you’d never get to feel that heaven he’d given to you ever again.  He’d rejected you after giving you the best night you’d ever had, turning it into one of the worst you’d ever had, surprisingly maybe a close second to walking in on your ex fucking another woman.

Hoseok sat down at the table after grabbing a coffee from the counter.  He actually seemed shyer compared to the smooth talking Hoseok the first time you’d met him.  He held his coffee cup with both hands, staring down at it awkwardly.  

“Hi.” He spoke.

“Hello” you returned.

More silence.

“So…” you began, watching him as he fiddled with the lid of his cup avoiding your eyes.

“So…” he repeated after you quietly. “I should explain huh” his gaze finally lifted up to yours.  His dark eyes looking tired and lifeless. He sighed

“First, I’m sorry” he winced like that was hard for him to say, “You see, the thing is.  I like to have sex a certain type of way…” He paused. “I’m what you would call a dom, and I’m a pretty intense one, I’m assuming you don’t know what that is.   Some of the main things that means is that I like to hurt, inflict pain, or deny a woman of her orgasm over and over until shes screaming for it, it’s what I get off on and it’s the only way I have sex.  The women I have sex with are subs, and I usually have a really good eye for when someone is one.  I thought” He took a deep breath in “It seems I mistook your shy innocence for that, rather than being a virgin, I thought you were the type of girl that I usually participate in those acts with, and I thought you realized thats how I was as well.  But when you told me you were a virgin, it hit me like a ton of bricks how mistaken I was.  I would never do what I do to other girls to a virgin, you would never want your first time to be with someone like me” his voice trailed off and he hung his head looking down to the table.  “I had to leave quickly, because I was scared that even after knowing what you were...I wasn’t going to be able to hold myself back.  I was really worked up, and you were,” he stopped and looked up at you again, eyes trailing over you, a hint of the hunger from the other night showing on his face “you are, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life” He groaned “It’s not fair,  I got a taste, but I can’t have you”

Finally he paused long enough for you to get a word in.  “oh…I guess I get it.  But, maybe I’d like those things you do”

“Y/N, you don’t know what you’re saying.  You don’t even know the things I wanted, and still want to do to you” his voice strained as he spoke.

“You’re right, I don’t know, but I don’t need to be babied, I can learn, I can at least try right?”

Hoseok shook his head sternly “No, I’m not going to.  You deserve to have your first time to be with someone who cares about you, who will treat you gently and take his time, someone who wouldn’t just think of you like a sex toy.”

A sex toy? So is that how he saw you, is that how he views women?  Upon noticing your appalled face he points at you

“See.  This is what I mean.  If you can’t even handle me saying stuff like that you aren’t ready.  I wouldn’t treat you kindly.  Me eating you out was...different, I actually don’t know why I did that without getting into my dom persona yet. But I assure you that you don’t deserve to be treated the way I treat women.  I can tell you are a good person, a kind woman, someone who deserves anything but this” he gestured to himself.

Your face scrunched and you pouted very obviously. He sighed and shook his head, he bit his lip as if trying to hold back from something.  

“I’ve said all I came here to say, you deserve an explanation.  You didn’t do anything wrong, its me.  I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I enjoy, but I have a rule of not participating in what I do with women who have no experience with it, let alone someone who has no experience with sex at all.  First of all because I don’t particularly enjoy teaching new subs, and secondly because you may think you’re ready for it, But I can tell you aren’t, and I’m so bad at holding back”  he almost moaned that last part.  It was evident that he still was very attracted to you, why or how you couldn’t quite understand, you’d never thought of yourself as the type of girl guys thought of as irresistible.  But Hoseok looked at you like all he wanted was to pick up right where he left off right here in the coffee shop.  

“I still think that you’re being a bit ridiculous, how do you know what I can and can’t handle” you shot out.

He stayed staring at you like he was a lion ready to pounce on his prey, “As a dom part of my role is to know what my subs can and can’t handle.  And you.” He shook his head disappointedly “You can’t handle this.  I’m afraid this is the last we’ll see of eachother y/n” He immediately stood up, walking over to you and planting a kiss on your cheek.  “I really am sorry, I hope you find someone who can treat you how you deserve” He said wincing at that thought, the thought of someone else being the one to lay in bed with you.

He sped out of the shop parking lot faster than legal, angry at himself for putting himself in such a tempting position with you.  Angry at himself for feeling a feeling he swore he’d long forgotten, jealousy was an emotion that had long been out of his list of things he’d felt.  It’d been many years since the thought of someone else with the woman he wanted made his blood boil like this.  He was used to one night stands, and if he happened to see the girl he’d slept with the night before at the same club the next night, with a different man, he felt nothing.  Mostly because he was already on the search for someone new himself.  In fact, meeting you at the coffee shop was the first time in forever that he could remember meeting with a woman he had been intimate with for a second time without it just being for another round of sex and nothing more.  He shook his head as he gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white.  It would fade, he’d forget you just like all the others, he told himself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It’d been two weeks now after being rejected by Hoseok for the second time.  You were getting dressed to head over to Ashley and Jin’s place for a party they were throwing.  Ashley was quite the social butterfly and loved throwing these large parties with drinking and dancing and the works.  You always felt slightly out of place but liked to go anyways.  

You slipped on a black skirt and tight blue shirt that you felt made your tits look incredible, then made your way to the taxi and finally arrived at Ash’s place.

You’d gotten there about an hour after the party had started, upon walking into the large space where many people were gathered you saw most seemed already many drinks in.  Loud music blaring from some speakers in the corner of the room playing some generic dance music you couldn’t help but bob your head to.

“Hey!” A voice yelled from across the room.  Ash ran over to you throwing her arms around your shoulders.  “Let's get you a drink” She grinned, obviously a few in already herself.

As you made your way to the drinks table a figure dancing in the center of the room caught your eye.  Damnit.  Why was he here.

Hoseok was dancing enthusiastically to the song playing, a tall blonde that looked like she walked straight out of a playboy magazine was pressed against him.  Her back to him and ass grinding against his front while he had his hands on her hips moving her to the music smoothly.

He happened to look up from her for just long enough to see you staring.  Shit. You thought, not wanting to make things awkward you wanted to look away, but you just couldn’t seem to.  You couldn’t help but wonder if that girl was one of those sub types he had been talking about.  Would she be giving him exactly what he wanted later tonight? The thing that he didn’t seem to think you could give…

What he did next was far too reminiscent of your least favorite memory with your ex.  Hoseok did a simple shrug and a smirk your way.  

Your blood was boiling and your eyes must’ve shown how much you didn’t appreciate that gesture since Hoseok made a ‘yikes’ face and went back to focusing on the playboy bunny looking girl in front of him.

“Earth to y/n” Ash waved a hand that was cupping a drink in your view.  You quickly grabbed it and chugged it down instantly handing it back to Ashley implying you were ready for another.

“Damn girl” She giggled “Okay, I get it, it's that kind of night”

She promptly got you another drink.  You were ready to get wasted, hoping to forget that Hoseok was here.  It hurt enough to be rejected by him, but why did he have to parade himself around in all his perfection.  You felt insignificant, your inexperience in sex drove him away.

After some dancing and a few more drinks your inhibitions had been sufficiently driven away.  You couldn’t help yourself from glancing Hoseok’s way every once in a while.   No matter how hard you were trying to just enjoy hanging out with Ashley, thoughts of him kept intruding.

When you looked this time he was on his own, his dance partner must’ve left to get a drink or gone to the bathroom.  Ashley was facing away from you dancing against Jin.

Not fully in control of your feet or your actions, you found yourself strutting over to him.  You grabbed his arm “Come here” you said angrily and dragged him into the kitchen.  His eyebrows raised in amusement, not used to anyone being this forward with him of all people.  

You let him go and he instantly crossed his arms.  “Little girl you’d better explain yourself.” he growled, yet the look of amusement hadn’t quite left his face.

You huffed, too drunk to think over your words before they spilled out “You know something.  I am quite offended that you think I’m not someone who could handle you.  Like all this-” you motioned up and down to all of him “-is some kind of special prize that I’d have gotten to have if only I was some kind of floozy or something like that” you slurred

He let out an unrestrained laugh at your words. “Holyshit you’re smashed. Okay um I-”

You cut him off “No. I don’t even want to hear it.  I wasn’t trying to say I still wanted you or something.  I’m just saying what gives you the right to act like you know me so well after one date. One and a half maybe if you count the second time you rejected me” you pouted. “Anyways, my point here is, I was thinking about what you said about me needing to lose it with someone I cared about.  And I think that's bullshit.  You don’t get an opinion on who I lose my virginity to, or how they feel about me.  You think you’re saving me or something by not being my first.  So I’m here to inform you that I’m going to go have sex. Tonight.  With some random guy out there” you whipped your arm out and pointed out to the party, losing your balance as you did and almost falling over.  “And I don’t give a shit if he cares about me or not.”

You couldn’t quite tell what was going through Hoseok’s mind.  His face had turned from amused to blank and emotionless.  You didn’t wait around for him to respond and stumbled back out to join the rest of the party.

You scanned the room for a suitable candidate and your eyes landed on an attractive man standing alone against one of the walls.  You wandered over to him

“Wanna dance” you said in your best flirtatious voice.

 The man grinned widely and excitedly pulled himself from the wall and nodded.  You grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the center of the crowd of other dancing party goers.  You instantly pressed your back against his chest and started pressing your backside into his hips, rolling them smoothly to the beat of the music the same way you’d watched the girl do with Hoseok.

“What’s your name?” he spoke into your ear, then pulled back your hair so he could softly brush his lips against your neck.

“I’m y/n. You?” you smiled softly turning your head as much as you could to face him from your position giving flirtatious doe eyes and batting your eyelashes at him.

 “Taehyung” he murmured into your ear, a soft groan only audible to you left his lips and his hands gripped your sides hard moving with them as they pressed against his now growing boner.  After dancing for a couple minutes like that you spun around to face him.  Your hands draped loosely over his shoulders, you leaned into his ear “I know a place we can go to be alone” you whispered.  

“Fuck” he inhaled sharply “Yeah, lets go” he nodded

You walked clumsily, leading him towards the halway you knew led to Ash’s guest room.  You figured she wouldn’t mind, especially since she was the one who had pushed for you to lose your V card so much.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” A voice yelled from behind you.  You whipped your head around to see Hoseok seething, standing tall and staring directly at Taehyung.

 “You’re really gonna go in there and fuck a girl who’s that drunk? That’s the type of creep you are?” He shouted at the man who you had invited into the spare room with you.   

“What the fuck man, she asked me” Taehyung spat back, putting up his hands defensively, slightly embarrassed about the scene that was being caused.

“And you feel good about that huh?” Hoseok growled, shoving the shoulder of other man hard causing him to stumble back a few steps.

“Hoseok!” You were in shock at his actions towards Taehyung.  “Hoseok, there's no fucking problem here.  I’m consenting okay.”

“Yeah man, you can step the fuck back” Taehyung hissed putting an arm around your shoulders as if to show Hoseok that he was more than allowed to be with you.  

Hoseok’s hands were balled into fists, his jaw clenched tightly and his eyes narrowed.  He shook his head and let out a low somewhat menacing chuckle.  In one swift stroke before you could even registar what was happening, Hoseok had picked you up and thrown you over his shoulder.  He walked away quickly carrying you out the door of Ash and Jin’s house.  

You started hitting your fists onto his back in protest and you could faintly hear a “What the hell man” from Taehyung as you were carried further away from the party.

Once you had reached his car Hoseok plopped you down, still holding on to you by one of your wrists he opened the passenger seat door. “In.” he commanded sternly.

“No way!” you objected “You’re acting like a psycho right now”

He tensed up at your comment, the vein in his neck throbbing “Now.” he spoke through clenched teeth.

Not wanting to escalate his anger any further you decided to give in and get in his car.  

He slammed the door after you entered and rushed to the drivers side, also slamming his own door as he sat down.

“You.” he started, shaking his head “What were you thinking”

“I think I already told you what I was thinking, remember our talk in the kitchen”

“Our talk huh” he scoffed, running his fingers through his hair in an aggressive manner.  “You mean when you pulled me in there to go off on me and didn’t even wait around for me to get a word in” he glared at you.

You started nervously pulling at your fingers in your lap.

Hoseok put the keys in the ignition and started to back out of the spot he was parked in.

“I’m taking you home” he muttered

“Are you okay to drive? We were kinda just at a party”

He rolled his eyes at you “I didn’t drink, I don’t really drink”

You now remember your date with him, he ordered you a wine but nothing besides water for himself.  You wonder why you thought he was just as drunk as you tonight.  You groaned to yourself, you’re a drunk mess currently and he's completely sober to witness it all.  You shouldn’t care, you’re overwhelmed with anger because of his actions and the fact that he for lack of a better term ‘cockblocked’ you.

You were silent the whole way home as was he.  Surprisingly he remembered exactly where you lived and didn’t ask for directions once.  

As he pulled up to your apartment complex you decided to one last time give him a piece of your mind.  

“You know I was fine right? I don’t see why it even matters to you if I sleep with someone. You totally cockblocked me and embarrassed that poor guy at the party.  He was nice.”  You glared at Hoseok.

He put the car in park and shook his head, “You’d regret it if you were this drunk for your first time”

“Again, I don’t see why that matters to you, or why you think it's any of your business anyways” you huffed.  

He didn’t look at you, staring at his steering wheel with a serious expression.  

His silence only irritated you more, “This is a decision that should be up to me.  I’m grown woman who can make her own damn choices”

He scoffed, still not turning his head to you, “Obviously you can’t because you were about to make a horrible choice”

You felt your face growing red with rage.  “Thats. Not. For. You. To. Say” you enunciated clearly, not really sure how better to get this point across to him.  He rejected you, he wasn’t your boyfriend or even your friend for that matter.  

He sighed and finally turned to make eye contact with you, his expression was softer than it had been since dragging you out of Ashley’s house.  “Look.  When I lost my virginity…” He winced at the memory “It was awful, I mean not the act itself, but it was with a woman who couldn’t have cared less about me.  I was in love with her, the only woman I’ve ever loved…” he trailed off and paused for a while.

You sat in silence waiting for him to finish explaining himself.

“She was my older brothers girlfriend.  I’d always loved her.  Sometimes she’d come over to our house even though she knew my brother wasn’t home.  I didn’t want to do anything to betray my brother, even though she begged.  One day I caved in and I let her kiss me. After that she just kept wanting more, I tried to tell her how awful it made me feel and that I would never go all the way with her.  Eventually she ended up getting me so drunk I could barely function, and she told me she was going to leave him for me if I slept with her.  I was so taken by the love I had for her that I believed her.  I barely even remember what happened I was so wasted.  But I do remember how right after we were done she laughed.  She never planned on leaving my brother, she was an awful person” he shook his head, it seemed he was almost tearing up. “My brother ended up coming home while all this was happening.  He saw me with her.  And she told him…” Hoseok took a deep breath “She told him that I forced myself on her, that I was drunk and threatened her. I still don’t talk to my brother, he never believed me.  They are married now.  And its for that exact reason I don’t trust anyone.  People are liars. And love is a lie.” He spat the last sentence out with a cold expression.

Your eyes widened.  You couldn’t believe how much Hoseok had just opened up to you.  It made it hard to be angry with him anymore in this moment.  

“I-I’m sorry that happened to you” you stuttered

He shrugged his shoulders and stared out the windshield of his car. “It’s the past.  But sometimes it does still bother me.  I swore I’d never fall in love again.  And that I’d never let someone fall in love with me.  I would never let myself do what she did, taking someones virginity and tossing them aside like that.”

“Hoseok...I” you pursed your lips and debated on whether what you were about to say was too insensitive. “I’m sorry, but you do realize just because that's your story doesn’t mean that would be mine right?  Or anyone else's if they fell in love, or lost their virginity.  I’m not being tricked or deceived, and I wouldn't be broken hearted or anything if it was just a one time thing.  I get that it meant a lot to you, but I still don’t think that really gives you an excuse to tell other people what it should mean to them”

He snapped his head to you, jaw dropping at your words.  “You know you’re really dense. Don’t act like you know what you’re talking about” he hissed.

Your eyes narrowed and you immediately started getting out of his car.  “No, you’re the dense one Hoseok.  We all have sob stories in life.  Not everyone lets it ruin them for anyone else.  I’m going to lose my virginity one way or another and I’d appreciate if you stop trying to make it your business” and on that note you slammed the car door on him and rushed in to your apartment.  Leaving him to think on what you’d just said.

It honestly baffled you that because of something that happened to him he felt entitled to an opinion on your life, you wanted to show him that he was wrong.  That just because he had loved once and it went poorly didn’t mean that love was wrong.  That just because he lost his virginity and it went badly didn’t mean that everyone who is a virgin was so sensitive about how their first time went.  At this point in your life it didn’t need it to be special, you didn’t even need it to mean anything at all.  

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That night when Hoseok got back to his house he was fuming.  He knew he shouldn’t have done what he did.  You made him lose all common sense.  He was usually calm and collected, things like this didn’t get to him. He angrily tossed his keys on to his kitchen counter and stomped into his bedroom, throwing himself onto his bed and staring at the ceiling.  He knew you were right, just because he felt how he did about first times being important and special didn’t mean that anyone else had to feel that way.  He’d never pushed his opinions on someone else like that before.  But with you, it was different.  It was different because he wanted so badly for it to be him, and he hated himself for that.  He knew what type of person he was, fuck em’ then leave before they woke up in the morning type of guy.  What if you did end up liking him afterwards, that was a chance he didn’t want to take.  In his mind he was incapable of ever returning that type of feeling to anyone.  He’d never loved since that day.  

He put his hands to his face dragging them down in frustration.  He was slightly embarrassed that he’d told you about all of that, he didn’t even know why he did, he’d never told anyone about that.

What were you doing to him?  

He pulled his phone out, maybe just getting off and going to bed was all he needed to reset and pretend today didn’t happen.  He pulled up his usual genre of porn, something sub/dom related where the guy had the girl tied up and was using a vibrator on her, teasing her over and over not letting her reach her orgasm, grinning each time he deprived her of her high.  Something Hoseok had done many times with his one night stands.  

He unbuttoned his pants slipping them off and reaching his hand inside his boxers, palming his cock to warm himself up.  

Once he was hard he wrapped his hand tightly around the base of his length, slowly stroking up and down as he watched the girl in the video begging her dom to let her cum.  He loved to hear his subs beg for him.  He closed his eyes for a moment to just listen to the whining of the girl in the video, and ended up picturing you whining, tied up and begging for him, pleading for him to make you cum.  He remembered watching you cum that first night, your moans and your beautiful body.  He pumped his cock faster at that thought tossing his head back as he got closer to cumming.  He pictured you kissing him as he fingered you, moaning into his lips.  This was something usually too vanilla for him to get off on, but when he imagined it was you, somehow it was the most erotic thing he’d ever felt.  He lifted his hips slightly off the bed and moaned loudly as he reached his finnish.  His legs were slightly shaking, he wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead with his non messy hand and took a few deep breaths.  

As great as it was. He was disappointed in how that all just went. He had thought he could get his mind off of you by watching porn, but all he could think about was you.  He’d never fantasized about someone like that before, not the way that he just did now…

He took a shower and cleaned himself up.  After returning to his bed he let out a long sigh.  

Love is a lie.  Love is a lie.  Love is a lie.  A voice in his head repeated itself.

It was somewhat of a mantra of his.  And it was an easy lifestyle to stick to, most subs didn’t want anything more than sex for the night and were quick to move on to the next dom.  On the occasion where one got attached Hoseok was quick to cut ties and avoid her, it was so annoying when that happened.

Yet, why did a part of him want to keep seeing you...want to have you again and again and again.   You were driving him crazy, making him second guess everything he stood for when it came to women.  Was he starting to change his mind about letting himself have actually feelings for someone?

No.  He couldn’t.  Because if those feelings ever changed and he broke your heart, the heart of a girl who had lost her virginity to him, as his brother’s wife had done to him...he’d never be able to forgive himself.  

-----------------------------------

The next day Hoseok texted Jin and asked him to meet up at a bar that was down the road from where he lived.

When Hoseok arrived Jin was already sat down with a tall beer in front of him.  He sat down beside his friend and flagged down the bartender.  “Whiskey please.”

Seokjin’s eyes widened.  “You sure? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you drink anything but water!”

Hoseok nodded “I’m sure.  I need it for what I want to talk to you about”

After getting a few drinks in and having some small talk about how things were going with Jin and Ashley’s relationship, Hoseok decided to finally go to the subject he had wanted to meet up to discuss.  He told Jin about the feelings he was having about you, he didn’t quite get in to as much detail about his past as he had with you, mostly summarizing it into, ‘It just went badly when I lost mine’

Jin knew that his friend was a regular player, he’d never seen him out with the same girl twice so a lot of this was no surprise to him.  

“So you’re just scared.” Jin said

“Scared?” Hoseok scrunched his eyebrows in thought.  “I guess you could say that.”

“Hoseok I know y/n a bit, she's over at our place quite a lot.  Ashley has told me a lot about her.  I don’t know if it’s really my place to say this but I’m going to anyways.  Y/n has had her fair share of her own heartbreaks.  She was cheated on by basically the only guy she had ever been with.  Walked in on the whole thing and all that.  She was hurt but she honestly seemed to handle it well, she's a strong person.  So I think if your concern here is that just because she's a virgin that you’d be the first one to break her heart or something you’ve been beat to it.” he shrugged “But I think the bigger thing here is that you’re scared she’ll hurt you”

“What?” Hoseok looked confused at his friend

“It sounds like someone hurt you, and now to prevent that from ever happening again you’ve shut yourself off from ever getting close to letting that happen again.  I kinda get it.  Love can be scary, I don't know how I’d handle it if Ash ever broke my heart.  But those are chances you have to take, cuz if you don’t you could be missing out on the best decision of your life man.”

Hoseok thought hard about what his friend just said.  Maybe he was right.  He was scared.  This was terrifying.  The idea of either you or him getting hurt by getting involved with each other seemed too big of a risk to take.  At the same time, like Jin said, what if the risk paid off, what if for the first time in his life Hoseok could actually fall in love with someone who returned those feelings? Was it too late now?  The last time you saw him you were so mad at him.

Tomorrow he would tell you.  Tomorrow he would confess these feelings eating him up inside.

---------------------------------------

You were laying in bed watching your favorite drama, covers pulled up over your chest when you heard your doorbell ring.  It was late in the evening and usually if Ash was coming over she’d text first.

You pulled a t-shirt on over your bare chest and grabbed some loose fitting pajama shorts putting them on as you walked to the door.  You glanced through the peephole of your door to inspect the unexpected visitor.  Hoseok? You debated on pretending not to be home but decided to see what he could possibly want.

You swung the door open with a sour “What.”

His face showed he was slightly taken aback by your attitude.  Though you weren’t sure what he expected when the last time you saw him you were slamming a car door in his face.

“I- Can I come in?” he stuttered nervously.

“I guess…” You muttered.  He was acting so strange you weren’t sure if you should but decided it couldn’t hurt to see what was up with him.

He slowly stepped in, he took off the raincoat he had been wearing and held it in his hand.  He was wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, his hair seemed wet from the apparent weather you were unaware of.  You couldn’t help but take note of how handsome he looked like that, his wet hair sticking to his forehead in the most attractive way.  You tried not to let it take away from the annoyance you were feeling.

You stood with your arms crossed facing him.  “Okay...so?”

He inhaled deeply “I like you. A lot. Like...A lot. Shit um.  First I should say I’m sorry, I know you’re mad at me for the other night.  I was wrong, I just, I couldn’t bear to see you with anyone, but me” he said softly.  You were shocked and confused, you let his words hang in the air for a long time before responding.

“I don’t understand.  I thought you didn’t think of people that way, as like...your way of life or something” you slowly spoke

“I dont...I mean I didn’t. This is new, and I don’t really even know why.” He muttered “Thats a lie, I know why.  You are so…” He paused “You are perfect, the way you talk, the little things you do.  I think I fell head over heels that first night we met and I haven’t been the same since.  I don’t really know how to handle this, how to go about this.  I tried hard just to deny it was anything but that only seemed to make things worse.  Seeing you with someone else really proved to me that what I’m feeling is that I don’t ever want to see you with anyone but me.  I-” another deep breath “I don’t want to be with anyone but you” he stepped forward and grabbed your hand gently.  “I’ve always said love is a lie.  That I just didn’t believe in it.  But now I’ve realized, love is a risk.  It’s real and its terrifying, and what I feel for you scares me.”

Your eyes grew bigger the more he spoke, you tried to take in everything he’d just said.  

“I realize how much of a risk it is, especially right now.  I’m here pouring my heart out, and I don’t even know if you feel a thing for me.  You probably only wanted to fuck that first night and here I am making this out to be more than it was” He groaned “I’m so stupid, I’m sorry.  I said what I needed to say, I’m gonna go home and die from embarrassment” he shook his head, releasing your hand and starting to walk away.

“Wait!” you shot out and grabbed his hand back, pulling him to you.  “I-I actually don’t know what to say” you admitted.

He stared at you blankly for a moment, wondering what was going through your mind.  

You sighed, “I liked you right away on that date.  I mean looks wise, you are a fucking 10” you motioned up and down to him.

He broke his blank expression and chuckled.

“I’m mad at you for the other night.  But I kinda get it now, you’ve been dealing with a lot trying to make out your feelings.  I don’t really know what to think.  But, If you actually feel what you’re saying, I think you should know that I feel the same” you confessed.

And you knew you were telling the truth.  You hadn’t totally realized it until now, but even through all his strange actions towards you, you couldn’t get him out of your mind.  Him telling you that he liked you in a way he’d never thought was possible for him anymore had you floating on cloud nine.  

He grinned widely.  “You’re sure?”

You nodded shyly, now suddenly feeling self conscious about what to do next.

He stepped in close to you, reaching up and cupping the side of your face in one of his hands, tilting your head to his.  “Y/N.  Can I kiss you?” he asked in a whisper.

Without answering you leaned into him and pressed your lips to his.  You kissed slowly and passionately, different from the hungry lustful kisses that you had shared with him the first night you’d met.  He wrapped an arm around your waist, a flat hand on your back pulling you tightly into him, his other hand trailing from where it had held your chin to the back of your head.  He ran his fingers lightly through your hair as he continued planting loving kisses on your lips.  You could feel the honest emotion behind these actions.  He had meant what he said.

He obviously wasn’t just telling you what you wanted to hear to get you into bed with him or something like that, since you knew how he felt about that.  At that thought you quickly pulled back from the kiss,

“Wait...Does that mean you want to…” you trailed off.

He cocked his head to the side in confusion “Huh?”

“You want me? Like...you want to have sex with me?” you blushed as you told him what you had meant.

“Oh” he stepped back and looked at you with a serious yet caring expression.  “I do...If you want to of course.  I did think about this.” he sighed “I am going to try and hold back on a lot of my urges, hopefully one day we can get into some of the things I’m in to” he winked at you “But It will be more than pleasurable to me to have you even if it is fairly gentle compared to what I’m used to”

You cringed a little at his words.  What he’s used to...What if you weren’t enough for him.  What if it wasn’t enough for him, or you didn’t end up liking the things he wanted.  You had told him before that you would try, but now, you were nervous that if you didn’t he would reject you again and go find someone else to please him in the ways you couldn’t as your ex had done.

“Hey” he soothed, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear, noticing your worried expression. “I’m going to enjoy it.  As long as you are enjoying it” he smiled

You nodded and nervously tugged at the bottom of your shirt, pulling it over your head and standing in front of him now completely topless.

He smirked and raised his eyebrows “Oh now?” he teased.

You covered your breasts with your arms and pouted. “Or not I guess” you mumbled

He grabbed your wrists one in each hand and gently pulled your arms back down to your sides.  

“I’m kidding.” he kissed you on your neck and moaned softly “You’re so beautiful” he whispered

He kissed you on your shoulder and trailed his kisses down until he reached one of your nipples, planting a gentle kiss on your sensitive bud.  You shuddered at the feeling, and you could feel him smile against your skin before he started to lightly suck and nip at your breasts, always keeping the one not to his lips cupped in his hand.  

He paused and brought his head up to yours “Want to go to your bedroom now?” he suggested.  

You nodded nervously.  As you guided him to your room you cursed yourself in your mind for not having a cleaner room at the moment.

Once you were in your room he glanced around quickly and chuckled “It seems very you”

“I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a compliment but I’ll pretend it was” you laughed in return.

Suddenly he had you pulled back into a soft kiss.  “I don’t think I could ever do anything but compliment you” he kissed neck once again “or please you.  Let me make you feel good” he moaned.

You pulled back from him and grabbed the bottom of his shirt.  He lifted his arms up and let you lift it off of him.  Damn.  It almost wasn’t fair someone this perfectly sculpted existed, he put models and athletes to shame looking like he did.  You put a hand on his chest still marveling at his figure.  He grinned “Ah, it feels so good having you touch me like this” he closed his eyes as you trailed your hand over his abs.  He brought his head down onto your shoulder and nuzzled into your neck leaving a few kisses as he did.  He then took your arms and positioned them to wrap around his neck, snaking his hands down to your sides and lifting you up in the air.  His mouth again found yours, “put your legs around me.” he muttered softly between heavy kisses.  You did as he said, once your legs were wrapped around him your core was pressed into the hardness you could feel very distinctively through his sweatpants.  He placed both of his hands on your ass to help hold you up, and started rolling your hips into his front, moaning at the friction it was causing.  You felt him grow even more against you.  You ached for him to be inside of you, you didn’t know what it would be like, but you expected nothing less than heaven with how things were going so far.  

As if he was reading your mind Hoseok walked you over to your bed, gently placing you down and climbing on top of you, continuing to grind against you. “I want you so badly y/n” he moaned, bringing eyes level with yours “But you can still say no any time if you start to not like it okay?  I’m going to be gentle and try not to dom.  If I accidentally get carried away or do something you don’t like let me know.”  

You nodded and reached up to kiss him on the nose.  He beamed at that cute little action of yours.  “God damn it, if anyone else had ever done that I would’ve been so pissed.  But you.  I don’t even understand what this is that you’re doing to me” he chuckled and planted a kiss right back on your nose. He crawled off of you and stood up to take off his pants, dropping them along with his boxers to the floor casually and quickly.  Your eyes widened and you let out a small gasp, his cock was huge, and perfect, you got slightly nervous for how well you’d be able to receive his enormous member with it being your first time.  Again as if he could read your mind “I’m going to go slow okay, you’ll adjust” he reassured with a wink.

He climbed back on to the bed and locked his fingers on to the hem of your shorts and panties, rolling them both off of your body at the same time and tossing them to the floor.  He spread your legs apart with and kneeled between your thighs, palming himself with a devilish expression on his face.  He lowered himself so that his head was between your thighs, pecking light kisses getting closer and closer to...there.  You let out a gasp as he kissed your dripping center.  He did a long lick up your slit, his tongue brushing against your clit.  With one hand he spread apart your lips giving himself better access to pleasure you with his tongue.  His circling motions on your clit started off slow then got faster and faster.  With the hand that was there he took a finger and slowly inserted it inside of you.  You moaned loudly unable to contain yourself at the feeling that seemed to run over your whole body at this action of his.  “Y-yes, oh my god Hoseok” you gasped out shakily.

He purred into you, his moan vibrating against you making it feel all the more amazing.  He slowly pumped his finger in and out along with his tongue circling your clit.  After a few moments of this he inserted another finger curling it with the other one as he moved in and out of you.  

“I-I’m g-gonna” you breathed out “H-hoseok don’t stop, oh my god d-don’t stop”

Hoseok loved seeing you like this, he loved making you feel like this.  It surprised him how much he was close to cumming himself without you even touching him, just from hearing you moan and beg like this for him.  

You came hard, hips bucking up into his mouth and fingers as waves of pleasure surged through you.  He pulled back from between your legs and moved up to kiss you on the cheek.  “You are so amazing” He muttered

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” you chuckled.

He let out a soft laugh and smiled shaking his head at you.

 “I think I may have had more fun than you did” he sat up and gripped his cock in on hand loosely pumping up and down his length.  “Ready? You still okay with this?” he asked

You nodded excitedly “Yes please”

“Mmm.  I love your manners baby girl” he moaned. “You’ll learn that's always a good way to make me happy.” he winked at you.  

He now hovered over you, lowering his cock to meet your entrance.  “I’m going to start slow I promise, don’t be scared to tell me if its too much”

You nodded again.  Then suddenly you felt him start to press into you, slowly, as he said he would.

 “Relax baby” he whispered and brought his hand to the top of your head, running fingers gently through your hair.  

You did your best to relax despite your nervousness.  It seemed to help.  He now was about half way into you, slowly pressing further in.  He kissed you on the cheek and checked your expression to make sure you weren’t in pain or uncomfortable.  Upon seeing that you seemed to be doing fine he pushed himself all the way in.

You let out a soft yelp.  It hurt slightly but not too unbearable.  He stopped moving and stilled for a moment letting you adjust.

 “Tell me when you want me to move” he nuzzled his face lovingly into your neck.  

“You can move Hoseok. Please move” you moaned.  

Instantly as if he had been waiting for years to hear those words from you, his hips slowly started to roll, as he moved in and out of you.  

“Fuck” he grunted out.  “You are so fucking tight wow” he gulped as he continued his slow pace.  

“You can move faster” you gasped out, loving how he felt filling you up like this.  You wanted more, you wanted to please him as he pleasured you so well.  He nodded and sat up a bit, pulling one of your legs up and wrapping it around him, adjusting himself to go faster and even deeper in to you.

He started to move his cock in and out at an accelerated pace.  You felt yourself clench around him as you started to approach another orgasm.  He definitely was able to feel you do that as instantly another “Fuck” escaped his lips.

“I-I’m gonna cum” you moaned.

Hoseok fought the urge to deny you and make you beg for it.  Another time, he told himself as he shook the thought away.  This time was all about making you feel good.  

“Cum for me baby” he softly spoke, panting with his head buried into your neck.  

At his words you felt yourself fall over the edge.  Your orgasm was all he needed to push him over as well. He quickly pulled out and pumped his cock quickly “S-shit” he stuttered, legs shaking and his face flushed with intense pleasure, his come spilling onto your stomach.  

“Woah” you muttered in awe.  “I’ve been missing out huh” you chuckled.

Hoseok collapsed onto you not minding laying in the mess he’d created on your stomach “Mmm” his breathing starting to slow down from its quickened gasps. He rolled you over with him so you both were on your sides facing each other.  He kissed you long and beautifully.  “What I feel for you...right now.” He shook his head with a smile “Y/N I really think I love you.”

You grinned back at him “Hoseok, I love you too” kissing him on his nose again.

He returned your gesture with a kiss on your forehead and then pulling your head into his chest bringing you into a tight hug.

“Mine.” he mumbled.

“Yours” you replied.

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