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itsthemoofacewriting · 3 years

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It’s heaven in your arms

Well, this is just a clusterfuck of emotions. Let me lead you down the path of grief and mourning only for it to end with a bed sharing trope.

I have no idea if there are even people that like the original trio together romantically, but I was really vibing, so hopefully I can convince some of my regular readers to take the plunge.

If any of my ZoNami readers are here, I’m doing the requests you all sent in – I swear!

I’m not sure what to expect from posting this, so I’ll say this once pre-emptively: if this isn’t your cup of tea, you know where the door is, please leave quietly.

Summary: It may have been two years since Ace’s death but, for Luffy, sometimes it still felt like just yesterday. Or, sometimes, something beautiful can blossom from a place of hurt. Rating: T

You can also find this on AO3 and FFN.

Nami awoke, eyes burning from lack of sleep and mouth dry. It was still dark outside, and she grumbled to herself at waking up so early, but it was no use. She wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep until she had a glass of water. She swung her feet off the bed, clumsily trying to find her slippers before getting up. It was warm outside, so she didn’t bother with anything other than her pyjama top and shorts.

As annoying as it was to be awake so early, it was peaceful. It was a quick shuffle across the deck and into the kitchen, where she filled her glass hastily, already thinking about getting back into bed.

That last thing she expected when leaving the kitchen was the sight of Luffy sitting on the railing, facing the ocean with his feet kicking over the edge. Reckless as always it seemed.

“If you fell, no one would be around to save you,” She lectured.

His shoulders hunched; she’d surprised him it seemed, but he didn’t react as she’d expected. There was no carefree laughter or beaming grin as he told her not to be a worry wart. Instead, she received a muffled, “You’re up.”

Without looking at his face she didn’t know how to take that but his whole attitude was off, and it had alarm bells going off in her head. The comfort of her bed a distant memory now as she walked over to the railing to join him and settled her glass of water beside herself.

The words on the tip of her tongue vanished into the night air when she finally caught sight of his face. His eyes were red and puffy, his face pale despite his constant tan and drawn. It was an expression she’d never seen on his face. He looked defeated.

He looked tired.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head, just as she’d expected him too and uttered out a quiet, “No.”

“That’s okay, but I’m going to sit here,” she told him. He could sit in silence if that was what he wanted, but she wouldn’t leave him, that wasn’t an option.

She took his hand in hers because whilst he may not want to speak, he’d always been a tactile person and she couldn’t just sit here and not do anything when there were tears still running down his face.

They sat in silence, only the sound of the waves hitting the ship could be heard with their thighs pressed snuggly against the others and his hand clasped in hers, a thumb absently roaming over the skin of his wrist. His tears had resided for the time being, only the stray one falling every now.

She felt like she was sitting with a deer, trying not to spook it because it felt like any wrong move would have him scampering away.

Well, that was until he pried his hand from hers and she was going to say something until his head feel heavily against her shoulder and an arm wrapped around her body. That was all she needed to let herself relax, no longer worried about scaring him away as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders to pull him closer.

It was another long moment of them sitting like that until he whispered in her shoulder, “It hurts.”

“What hurts?”

He was silent but the tears were back as she felt them soaking into her pyjama top.

“I had a bad dream.”

“Yeah? What about?” She encouraged softly.

“About him.” His voice cracked as he said it and his shoulders shook.

There was only one him she knew of.

“It played in a loop, and I couldn’t do anything.”

Although she was being fed the information in dribs and drabs, it wasn’t hard to piece it together. She waited for him to continue but the long pause told her he wasn’t going to.

She thought about what she’d want in that moment, if their roles were reversed, what she’d want from the other person sat with her, so she settled on, “I only met him briefly, tell me more about him. What was it like growing up with him?”

He was quiet and for a moment she didn’t think he was going to respond, that maybe that wasn’t what he wanted at all.

“He hated me when we were younger,” he said wetly, fighting through tears to talk. “I caused trouble, couldn’t fight and cried a lot. He called me cry baby all the time.”

“He didn’t when we met him in Alabasta though.” She remembered how he’d looked at Luffy, eyes full of adoration and voice warm as he asked the crew to look after Luffy for him.

He huffed out a laugh at her words, such a stark contrast to his normal boisterous laugh.

He told her everything. How Ace had gone from despising him to accepting him as a brother along with his other brother, Sabo, how they’d caused trouble together and had the best times together. How he’d made Luffy’s childhood a happy one.

It made her ache. Because as he talked, selfishly she thought about her own sister. How devasted she’d be to lose her, someone that felt like her other half since before she could remember, knew her better than anyone else, who she could talk to about anything. It was hard to explain a sibling relationship to someone without one, there was a different feeling to, you felt it in your core.

Mostly, she thought about how hollow she’d feel.

It felt like an unspoken rule that siblings were for life. You knew that parents were older and that they’d pass at some point in your life, but not your sibling. It felt like they were meant to be with you for life, that you’d grow old together and have each other’s backs no matter what to the very end.

She supposed that was part of the grief.

Although she didn’t know the ins and outs, even now Luffy was edging around his dream and what’d happened back then, she knew the key details - how Ace had jumped in front of him to save him. How Ace had died before his eyes. Even if she suspected there was more to that moment than what she knew, it was traumatic enough.

Another tangled chain to unwrap from the knotted ball of necklaces that was grief.

Ultimately, she didn’t need to know what the dream was about or what’d happened back then, because the picture she had in her mind was vivid enough and she knew how he felt. Watching someone slip away before your eyes, helpless as you watched them go and wishing you’d done something different.

Her heart bled for him as he spoke, words blurring into his tears, she could feel her own eyes prickling as sadness overflowed.

Hands clumsily wiped at her face and belatedly she realised Luffy had stopped talking. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said.

Without thinking, she wiped his face in return. “It’s okay, I’m glad I get to share this with you.”

She cupped his face and she meant it as a soothing gesture, yet it seemed to have the opposite effect. Watching his face crumple before her eyes was so much worse than how she’d imagined it when his face had been buried in her shoulder. He was so expressive all the time that she shouldn’t really be surprised, his lips quivered and those big eyes scrunched as he tried to hold back his tears.

“I know I still have so much, and I should focus on that…”

“But that doesn’t make that little part feel any better?”

“Yeah.”

“I know. It’s not going to either.” He nodded glumly at her words, staying silent and she suspected it was because he couldn’t form words. “You love him. That’s not going to disappear no matter what happens.”

She continued because she needed to say it, to let him know this was okay before she the moment passed, and he locked this all away to deal with another night. “You’re allowed to mourn him, you’re allowed to feel sad without feeling guilty, but when it overwhelms you, tell one of us, okay?” She paused, thinking over her words, before adding, “And even when it doesn’t overwhelm you and you just want company, come find us.”

“Okay.” He sounded choked up, more so than before.

She brought him back into a firm hug, running her hands up and down his back, letting her words sink in and giving him a chance to speak or cry more if he wanted to.

His next words told her they were done for the time being.

“I don’t want to go back to sleep,” he said.

She didn’t have to ask why. She still woke up sometimes in the middle of the night, tears in her eyes as she relived all different versions of Bell-mère’s death, each worse than the last. She knew that he feared having to relive his worst nightmare over again or catching even a whisp of his brother behind closed eyelids, taunting him over the fact that that would be the only way he’d ever be able to see him again.

“I don’t either,” she lied smoothly, “We could raid the fridge-” Sanji would understand- “or I could show you a new card trick or we could go draw on Zoro’s face. He’s probably up in the crow’s nest and he sleeps like a log.”

Luffy grinned, it didn’t reach his eyes like it normally did but that was okay, it was an improvement on the solemn expression from before. “Usopp just bought new markers!”

They both turned at the sound of heavy footsteps and the very person they’d been planning to mess with was stood only a few steps away.

“Why do you two look guilty?” He looked suspiciously at them both.

Neither of them answered, but she saw the moment Zoro noticed Luffy’s face and took in his red, puffy eyes and worn expression. His demeanour changed instantly, he looked serious, and he didn’t say anything more as he joined them on the railing, pressing up to Luffy’s vacant side and taking his other free hand into his- he could probably feel that it was wet from Luffy’s tears.

The ocean lapped silently against the ship and whatever plans her and Luffy had made seemed to be put on hold as he stayed sat on the railing, but that was fine with her, she was happy to sit there with him in silent support.

“It should’ve been me,” Luffy finally spoke, voice sure but only a whisper.

Those were heavy words, she imagined how often that thought circled around in his head and how hard it must have been to finally say it out loud.

“That’s stupid,” Zoro said.

“Zoro,” she hissed. For his blunt words and because Luffy looked on the verge of tears, it made her heart crumble all over again.

“Ace loved you a lot and he didn’t do it for you to think that; he wouldn’t want that. It was his choice and he made it and he’d do it a hundred times over.”

He made a good point, she knew that, but a tough love speech felt too soon.

“Zoro’s not stupid all the time,” Luffy defended weakly, smile wobbly.

Maybe not.

“Oi.”

Nami shook her head, smiling slightly at their antics. “Unfortunately, I have to agree with you. Shall we agree it’s a 10% smart and 90% stupid?”

Zoro tried to look miffed, although it was betrayed by the smirk tugging at his lips. He knew what she was doing, trying to lighten Luffy’s spirits, so he let it slide.

“Well, we can’t draw on Zoro’s face now-” Zoro glowered at her- “but if you want an extra challenge, we could get Usopp or Sanji.” They were light sleepers; she knew he’d be up for the challenge.

Luffy smiled, nodding tiredly and stifled a yawn that had her and Zoro sharing a quick look between them.

“You can sleep with me if you want,” Zoro offered nonchalantly and Luffy perked up at that.

She should leave them to get on with it. They’d made their arrangements already and in the back of her mind, she knew she should, but Luffy’d told her so much, it felt callous to just palm him off. And maybe, somewhere deep down she didn’t like the thought of being left out. Maybe.

The words were out before she’d properly thought them through.

“You can both sleep in my bed.”

“Like a sleepover!” Luffy said and his eyes brightened, a shimmer of what normally resided there returning.

“It’s a one-time offer and no one tells Sanji!” Nami warned even though Luffy looked considerably lighter and Zoro was smirking at her. She didn’t doubt Zoro would store that away to use against Sanji later, but she’d deal with that then. And if he decided to blab, she’d then have the perfect opportunity to charge him, and he wouldn’t be able to say a thing.

The walk to her room was quiet, only the sounds of their shoes thumping against the deck with every step, getting louder and louder as they got closer to her room. She wondered if she’d regret this. What if she’d made it awkward? She should’ve just let Zoro and Luffy bunk together.

Opening the door felt heavy, like something awful would be waiting for her on the other side. Instead, there was just a dark, muted room to greet her and the awkwardness she felt doubled to the point she wondered if the other two felt it too. She wasn’t sure if she was thankful or not that Robin was still asleep, facing away from them.

All those thoughts were put to rest as Zoro and Luffy moved past her, seemingly more than comfortable with this arrangement than her. Zoro shucked off his boots and settled against the far side of the bed so his back faced the wall and Luffy kicked off his flip flops, his hat already sat safely on her bedside unit.

“Absolutely not,” Nami whispered fiercely, hands on hips and they both peered up at her quizzically. “I’m not sleeping on the edge only to wake up on the floor. Zoro, swap.”

“What, so I can wake up on the floor instead?”

“You can sleep anywhere!”

Luffy had snickered at their bickering, watching them go back and forth until he seemingly grew bored of that and stretched his arm out to wrap around her waist. As his arm snapped back, he dragged her with it, she collided with the both of them in her bed. Like a true rubber man, Luffy looked unbothered although she was fairly sure she’d kicked him, but Zoro wheezed behind her as she’d winded him with her elbow.

“That hurt!” Nami moaned.

“Think before you do that!” Zoro grouchily whispered.

“There we go, now we’re all cosy.” He ignored them both, nestling down into the bed as his arm reached across Nami to rest over onto Zoro.

“Luffy!” She squawked, rosy faced. “Move over! You have all that space!”

This was not what she’d had in mind when she’d invited them… into her bed. Although she didn’t have a massive bed, she’d thought they’d at least try to keep their distance, she hadn’t expected this. Luffy was so close she could feel his breath on her face and his hair brushed against her forehead, no doubt mingling in with her own strands. She could feel Zoro spooned behind her, his own arm outstretched across them both and she was only now just considering how appropriate her pyjama shorts were. Which was ridiculous, it was only those two.

All of this didn’t feel right, they were there for Luffy, he should be the one in the middle not her. He should be the one squashed between them, safe and warm and feeling supported, not her. Yet one look at his face put all of that to rest. You could still tell he’d been crying; the puffiness would take a few hours to go down, but he looked relaxed, the tormented and weight in his expression gone.

He looked content.

And that was enough right now for her brain to shut off, thoughts pushed to the back for another day, and have her burying into the warmth from the two bodies next to her with the knowledge that everything would be okay for now.

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This was meant to be a one-shot, but it’s now a two parter at no one’s request. I’m writing/editing the second chapter right now; it’s on its way.

I used to ship LuNami hard when I was younger, but I think I’ve lost my ability to write them romantically nowadays… unless you throw in Zoro and then it’s back on apparently.

I write and edit all my pieces by myself, so if there’s any errors, please excuse them.

Thanks for reading.

#zoluna #Luffy/Zoro/Nami #LuffyxZoroxNami #LuNami #ZoNami #zolu #opwriting #opfanfic #One Piece #Luffy #Zoro #Nami

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hermannsthumb · 3 years

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"different young (rebound) hunk on his arm every week…newton geiszler who?" CAN YOU WRITE THIS FIC PLEASE? Hermann as the new heartthrob of the science world, cheekbones that can cut glass, baby gay scientists everywhere using appalling math-related pick-up lines in an attempt to be the booty call of the week. Newton catches a glimpse of him at a fundraiser and the Precursors have to stop him from crying with lust.

so tragically I plotted a whole fic for this and then came back and realized this prompt involves PRU but I liked my idea too much so unfortunately I won’t be filling the PRU part 😔 but I DO love heartthrob hermann sooooooooo. this can be pre-PRU if you want to make it sad actually CW for drinking and mild allusion to not sfw stuff. when will these boys talk about their feelings?

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Hermann doesn’t like going out to bars at the best of times, least of all after he’s had the sort of exceptionally long day he’s had today (fighting his way through airports and hotel lobbies, fielding interview questions, having not even a minute’s break from Newton), but even he will admit that the one Newton has dragged him along to tonight could be far worse. The sorts of bars Newton fancied throughout their stint at the Hong Kong Shatterdome tended to be far hipper, far more becoming for a man of his (and, admittedly, Hermann’s) age, and likely aimed at tourists: pounding music, dark rooms, neon lighting, overpriced drinks, an inability to navigate through throngs of dancing bodies without bumping into at least half a dozen people. For that reason Hermann’s blood practically ran cold earlier that evening when, fresh out of their latest television interview, Newton insisted that Hermann needed to unwind a little. That Newton would help him unwind a little.

Hermann was pleasantly surprised to find that though the music (a live band) is still loud, and drink prices are still inflated, at least he can see Newton, and at least the few people dancing are dancing far away from them. And, well, perhaps it’s made him more amenable to (mostly) matching Newton drink-for-drink, and to indulging him in knocking back not one, but two rounds of the most disgusting-looking pink shots of all time, and— “Look, dude,” Newton declares, tossing an arm around Hermann’s shoulder. He’s shouting and leaning in too-close to Hermann, not because he’s intoxicated, but rather to be heard over the band, which has launched into a rather enthusiastic cover of some song Hermann’s sure he’s heard blaring from Newton’s iTunes before. His stubble tickles the shell of Hermann’s ear. “Just say it with me. It’s that easy. R-e-t-i-r-e-m—”

“We are thirty-five,” Hermann says. “We can’t just—”

“We absolutely can,” Newton says. He nudges his cocktail glass into Hermann’s chest, sloshing a bit of hot pink Watermelon Crush on his neat button-up. Hermann stifles a sigh; the shirt is brand new, bought just that morning for the interview, and will already be needing a wash. And smelling like liquified hard candy for the rest of the evening. “You and me, lying on a beach somewhere, sleeping in until noon every day, learning how to—to fish, or paint, or whatever the hell we want—”

“Not a beach,” Hermann says immediately. “I’m bloody well sick of beaches. Oceans, lakes, bays—no more."

Indulging Newton’s ridiculous little fantasy, even for a moment, is a mistake: Newton’s face lights up in a grin, and he tucks his arm around Hermann’s shoulder to pull Hermann flush against him. Hermann’s barstool wobbles dangerously. “Okay, no beaches. Far away from any coastline. The mountains, then.” It’d be just their luck, Hermann thinks, if the next Breach reopened far away from the ocean, too. Like it followed them somehow. “Let’s move to Switzerland or something and buy a log cabin or a cave and become weird recluses. I’ll learn how to ski, and you can grow a beard, and we can buy all our furniture at Ikea—” He frowns. “Is Ikea from Switzerland? Sweden? I haven’t been since college.”

“I don’t recall ever agreeing to move anywhere with you in the first place,” Hermann says, “let alone retire to do so. What on earth makes you think I’d follow you to Switzerland? I’ve no interest whatsoever in Switzerland.”

“Uh, because we’re best friends?” Newton says. “Anyway, what else would you do?”

“Anything,” Hermann says. He begins to tick off all the possibilities on his fingers while Newton watches him, unimpressed. “I could stay in Hong Kong—I’m sure they’d appreciate help monitoring what remains of the Breach. Or I could move back to England and resume my old teaching post, if they’d have me.” Hermann knows they’d have him; they’ve already sent him at least a dozen emails practically begging him to accept tenure. “Or back to Germany, with my parents.”

“I could totally do all that, too,” Newton says. “Well—not the Germany thing. No offense, dude, but your parents kinda suck. I don’t think I want them as my roommates.”

Hermann decides not to mention that the odds are very high they would not want Newton as a roommate, either. He’s tempted to ask Newton if he meant what he said about them being best friends—for Hermann can’t recall the last time someone called him their best friend, if ever—but Newton’s arm is slipping from his shoulders, and Newton is pulling out his mobile phone and tapping away frantically at it. Hermann feels strangely bereft without his touch. “Okay,” Newton says, his eyes scanning the screen, “Ikea was founded in Sweden, but they moved headquarters in—”

“Excuse me?”

Hermann and Newton both startle, Newton nearly dropping his phone, and the bartender who’d interrupted them smiles apologetically. He’s holding a pint of what appears to be beer. “Sorry to bother you guys,” he says to them, “but this is from the young man over there in the pink shirt.”

At the sight of the drink Newton brightens and puffs out his chest visibly. Bloody perfect, Hermann thinks. Just want Newton needs—another boost to his ego. “No sweat,” Newton says. He tosses his mobile to the bar counter casually and reaches to accept the glass. “Please tell him I’m super flattered, but—”

“Actually, sir,” the bartender interrupts, and—to Hermann’s surprise—slides the glass away from Newton’s grasp and over to Hermann. Hermann takes it without a word, not quite daring to believe it. Down the bar, out of the corner of his eye, he can see the flash of a bright pink shirt, but he can’t quite make himself turn to acknowledge the mystery admirer. Is that rude of him? No one has ever sent him a drink before. He’s not quite sure of the etiquette. “It’s, um, not for you.”

Newton deflates like a popped balloon. A blush spreads across his cheeks, barely visible beneath his freckles, which have come out again in the spring sunlight now that they’re not spending all their time in the Shatterdome basement. Hermann likes the look of them; he thinks they’re sweet, and that if he traced his fingertip across them they’d make a pattern of some sort, like a constellation. Not that he ever would, of course. Newton would surely ridicule him. "Right, duh,” Newton says.

He waits until the bartender is gone to round on Hermann. “Dude!” he says, almost accusatory, “Fourth time this week!”

“It is not,” Hermann protests. It’s weak to his own ears: even he isn’t thick enough to miss the sudden influx of attention he’s gotten since their first television interview last month. Hermann was never exactly popular, never exactly the sort the drive people wild with lust or romantic longing, yet it seems as if he can’t go anywhere these days without turning a few heads (including mid-twentysomething heads, mortifyingly enough) and getting a few cellular numbers slipped into his hand. Yesterday, a young man on the metro asked Hermann if he might like to see a movie some time. The day before that, another man wearing a jean jacket full of enamel pins stepped up to Hermann in a Starbucks and asked him if he could call-cu-later. Last week, a starry-eyed college student stopped Hermann outside a hotel to ask him to sign his Calculus 3 textbook, excitedly telling Hermann he switched degrees to astrophysics not a few days prior after reading an interview with Hermann in a rather obscure pop science magazine, and had blushed when Hermann thanked him. Newton had laughed at that one, and advised the young man to give biology a shot instead. (Newton had gotten very cross when he was promptly ignored, and in referencing the incident later, rather bitterly called the student an annoying little punk.)

This is to say nothing, of course, of the multiple news articles (listicles, as Newton calls them) Newton has forced him to read about himself on something called Buzzfeed, which have apparently helped to cement Hermann’s fifteen minutes of fame. One was called Twelve Times Dr. Hermann Gottlieb Was A Fashion Icon and was accompanied with a rather embarrassing array of candid photos of Hermann. Newton has been particularly incensed over that one.

“It is,” Newton says. “At least third. You know, I think the worst part is that you’re not even getting laid. Dudes are throwing themselves at you left and right—”

“Am I meant to go home with any random stranger who shows me the briefest bit of attention?” Hermann snaps. “I like to think I have somewhat higher standards than that.” I’m not like you, he nearly adds, but decides that it might perhaps be too cruel, especially considering that Newton has not gotten a fraction of the attention Hermann has over the past month. He remembers what it used to be like in the Shatterdome, is all; Newton seemed to like anyone who would give him the time of day. Most of his romances didn’t fare well for that reason.

“I’m just saying you could, and you’re not,” Newton says.

Hermann taps his finger against the pint glass, watching bubbles release from the side and rise to the top. When he finally takes a sip, it makes him wrinkle his nose. He’s not usually much for drinking. “I don’t like IPAs,” he says.

“I’ll take it,” Newton says, and the corner of his mouth hitches up in a grin, “as long as your boyfriend won’t get offended.”

Considering that Newton has only just finished following up his two shots with a cocktail, Hermann questions the decision, but slides him the glass anyway. Newton starts on it at once. Hermann wonders if he’ll need to call them a rideshare back to their hotel tonight; he’s not sure he can manage guiding a intoxicated Newton through the streets of the city on foot, especially not after a day that’s been rather unkind on his hip. “Only I suppose I have trouble believing it,” Hermann admits.

“Believing what?” Newton says.

“That they’re genuinely interested,” Hermann says.

To Hermann’s surprise, Newton snorts. “Nah, dude. You’ve got—” He taps Hermann’s chest, and leaves his hand there. “—sex appeal. You’ve got the, like, soulful eyes, and the movie star eyelashes, and the cheekbones and—” He drags his fingertip along Hermann’s jaw, and Hermann masks his sharp flinch in a cough, hoping Newton can’t feel his face heating up. He doesn’t remember if Newton has ever touched his face before. It feels shockingly intimate. “People think it’s super hot.” He takes another sip of Hermann’s drink. "Plus, you’re so—like—uptight. It makes people wonder what you’re bottling up.”

Hermann arches an eyebrow. “Bottling up?”

“In a sexy way,” Newton clarifies.

He settles his hand back on Hermann’s chest. Hermann licks his lips. Has Newton wondered those sorts of things about him, too? “You’ve had—too much to drink,” he says.

“A little bit,” Newton agrees. “I’m right, though. I like this shirt, by the way, it’s a nice cut on you.” He toys with one of the shirt’s buttons, and when he speaks again it’s in a low voice that makes Hermann’s mouth feel strangely dry. Hermann has never heard it from him before. “Wanna go back to the hotel and rent a movie or something?”

He’s peering at Hermann through his eyelashes, smiling in an odd little way. How terribly close they are to each other, Hermann realizes. He can count every tiny scratch in Newton’s eyeglasses, every fleck of gold in his eyes, every freckle on his cheeks. He wonders if Newton really wants to rent a movie; he wonders what Newton would do if Hermann closed the inch between them, and... “I,” Hermann stammers, gaze fixed on Newton’s mouth (stained pinker from his drink), “er, yes, only—only I feel as if I ought to thank the gentleman who sent me—”

At once, Newton drops away from him. His face hardens. His smile hardens, too. “Oh, right. I forgot,” he says. He inclines his head down the bar. “Pink shirt, right?”

Hermann casts his eyes about, searching for the pink-shirted stranger. When he doesn’t immediately spot him, a small bubble of relief swells within him. Perhaps he left, perhaps he decided he’s not interested in Hermann after all, perhaps Hermann is free to go back to the hotel with Newton and watch a film and argue about retirement and… “Oh, there,” Newton says. A man catches Hermann’s eye and waves timidly. He’s wearing a pink button-up.

“Bugger,” Hermann mutters. His admirer is not unattractive—in fact, he’s the opposite, with curly hair and glasses even thicker than Newton’s—which Newton seems to notice, too. He claps Hermann on the shoulder, hard enough that Hermann sways with it.

“He’s totally cute,” Newton says, “and he’s totally into you. You gotta at least get his number.” He takes another large sip of Hermann’s drink. “Better yet, get yourself laid. You could use it.”

Hermann feels the oddest sense of whiplash. Just a minute prior, he was about to kiss Newton (and he was pretty sure Newton was going to kiss him back), and now Newton is practically throwing him at another man. Hermann does not want to get anyone’s phone number—he wants to fall asleep in his stiff hotel bed to some absolutely awful science-fiction movie Newton picks out. “Newton,” he says, “weren’t we going to—?”

“No biggie, we can do movie night tomorrow instead,” Newton says. He nudges Hermann’s calf with the toe of his boot, and holds out his cane to him. Hermann feels his heart begin to sink. “I won’t wait up for you. Just give me a heads up if he wants to go back to our place, and I’ll make sure to stay out longer.”

“I’m sure it’ll only take a moment,” Hermann says. He’ll make sure it only takes a moment.

“No biggie,” Newton repeats. He raises his glass to Hermann in a mock toast. “Good luck!”

When Hermann looks back over his shoulder, halfway to the man in the pink shirt, it’s to see Newton’s stool vacant, and the back of Newton’s leather jacket swishing out the bar doors.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous

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takuyakistall · 4 years

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summary: a mountain deity meets a suspicious eel.

length: 5k+

taku’s notes: ah, I finally posted this. It was meant to be posted for a previous milestone but it was delayed, but here it is now jbhjfb I may have gotten carried away with this when I first thought of the AU;;; also !! special thanks to ghostie and rui for helping me with this. If you see this, ily !! this also a three way collab with sven and @xxunrxvelingxx !! please check out their fics when they post it hehe~ they’ll be making separate fics that will go along with our agreed theme which is legends and myths from our home countries. In my case, this was inspired by the story of Maria Makiling!

"I have provided you everything the mountain has to offer and yet you greedy humans still want more?“ The thunder boomed, matching your footsteps as you made your way to sit on a log stool. Crossing your legs, you said, “I’ve had enough of you humans trying to steal my valuables.” Rain suddenly started to pour down, soaking the four men standing in front of the mountain deity.

They were shaking in fear as they saw the look you were giving them, they heard that you were usually a gentle and kind person who had never laid a hand on the village folk who lived on the mountain. They scrambled to their feet, with pitiful expressions on their faces as they desperately tried to run away. You made no effort to chase them as you already knew there was no way they would make it back alive. This mountain is your domain, surely they would get lost and stay trapped here forever.

You were usually a kind being but you would spare no mercy for those who enter the mountain with malicious intentions. The locals knew better than to do that but — unfortunately, those men who tried to steal from you were foreigners.

Your rage didn’t go away instead, it had gotten stronger. The rain was getting heavier, a flood was ready to form and an earthquake was about to start. There was no room for the village folk inside your head, your rage had overruled every moral you once upheld. It was cruel of you to bring these disasters to innocent people — however, nobody would dare to cross you ever again. They knew that angering a deity was never a bright idea, especially if they still had plans to live.

“Hah… Foolish humans..! Always scurrying around, striving to attack me and rob me of my riches. In the end, they’ll just meet their doom.”

There was something off about the man who entered the mountain. It seemed like he was struggling to walk. The rage you felt days ago has now disappeared and you felt the need to help the struggling man. You jumped off a tree branch you were sitting on to get a better look on his face — heterochromic eyes, it was unusual to see those around here, especially when you had isolated yourself in the mountains. He had teal hair with a darker and longer strand framing the left side of his face. He was beautiful, your breath was taken away the moment you laid your eyes upon him.

Then you finally decide to appear in front of him. His senses did not pick up your presence since he was too busy trying to regain his balance. When he finally looked ahead and saw you, his eyes widened and slipped.

“Ah-!” He was about to fall. He still wasn’t used to being able to walk on land, his balance was still sloppy and the way he walked was unnatural. Ever since his tail turned into human legs, he’s been walking aimlessly on land with nothing but a dirty tunic on. He had nobody to teach him about how land folks act or lived, he quickly became an outcast among the villagers by the mountain, which sparked your curiosity.

“..! Be more careful!” You grabbed his hand before he could fall, pulling him up to safety. He finally got a proper look at his saviour and the sight took his breath away. Were you the mountain deity they talked about back in the village? He kept a straight face while trying to connect the dots in his head. Weren’t you the reason he tried to climb the mountain? The blue haired man couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, “Forgive me, it seems that I’m still not accustomed to my newly acquired legs.” He spoke in a gentlemanly manner which surprises you. Maybe it was because of his dirty tunic that you thought he was going to be a bit more rough around the edges. You knew it was bad to judge a book by its cover and yet you still couldn’t help but do it anyway.

“What’s your name?” The cold tone in your voice sent shivers to the man’s spine, surely you had the aura of a deity! He heard the rumours about the gentle and kind lady up in the mountains, but it seemed like you were still kind of ticked off by the last incident he heard about. The man put his hand by his chest and introduced himself with a smile, “I go by Jade, Jade Leech. Would the lovely lady also do the honor of giving me her name?” It was faint but you noticed it — he was dangerous.

It didn’t take long for you to become attached to Jade, he charmed you the moment you met. Your first meeting consisted of you asking Jade a few questions about himself while walking through the woods. You discovered that Jade originally had no legs, thus his lack of ability to be able to walk properly. You offered him help and thankfully, he was a fast learner when provided with guidance. In less than a day, he had already mastered how to walk with his own two legs.

You were bound to the mountain, you could never leave because you are its guardian. Shall you ever try to leave, your body would run out of oxygen and pass. It seems like Jade was a little fond of your company as he went back up in the mountains the following day.

He was still wearing the dirty tunic when he came to visit you today, you had seen this coming so you had a nearby pixie fetch you some clothes for the tall man. When you handed the clothes to him, he couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, he was intimidated by your cold demeanor yesterday but today it seemed like you were finally fitting the positive rumours surrounding you. A kind and gentle lady who would often go to the village to give your blessings. “Thank you,” Jade hummed out, straying far from you to change into the clothes you gave him. You felt your cheeks flare up a bit when he gave you a smile. You couldn’t help but wonder how this blooming friendship of yours would end. After all, he’s just a mortal, isn’t he?

28 days remain.

“Oya, a new mushroom to add my collection.” Jade was delighted as he crouched down to examine the newly found mushrooms on the ground. You mentally compare the current Jade you know to the Jade you first met — it seemed like he was an entirely different person. He picks up land dwellers’ qualities and habits fast and now you wouldn’t even dare think about how this man didn’t know how to walk properly just a week ago!

You tried to introduce him to a lot of things the mountain has to offer and yet somehow, he found himself climbing up the mountain on a daily basis just to see you. The village folk were a bit skeptical due to his odd behavior and at his sudden transformation, but they soon dropped the gossip when someone told them the both of you were lovers. It was a ridiculous thought but you never said anything when you saw how they had treated Jade better.

The more time you spent with him, the more you felt these complicated feelings, like your heart was tied to a knot. The way he smiled at you made it feel like your heart was being squeezed, and the way his eyes sparkled when he talked about mushrooms was simply too adorable! You noticed all the little things about Jade and it made you wonder about how you were going to label these feelings you have for him. You liked to believe that you know everything about the world, but the world loves proving you wrong. You were still naive, even if you are a deity.

21 days remain.

“You’ve gotten better at acting like a land dweller.” Your cold tone made it clear to Jade that something definitely happened to piss you off while he was away. Perhaps it was another human trying to rob you of your riches? Or to take your head as a trophy? No. Jade shook his head at the thought of someone trying to harm you. After all, it is impossible to do so.

For the past few weeks, he has somehow grown accustomed to your sudden coldness and harsh tones. The people that heard of the mountain deity’s treasures have increased and were bold enough to challenge themselves against you. They gathered into groups and shouted out insults directed at you. You had neither time nor patience to deal with every pest that was bold enough to threaten you, so you had the mountain itself deal with them. If they entered the mountain, they would surely get lost and never be seen again due to natural reasons.

The only reason why Jade and a few villagers were able to enter the mountain and get back unharmed is because you let them. The moment you sense malicious intent directed at you — they would be disposed of. You were merciless when it came to matters regarding your life and the state of the mountain. Jade knew that, both of you spent enough time together for him to know these kinds of things. With slow steps, Jade approached you, his usual smile was absent and this surprised you a bit. His expression was serious while cupping your cheek with his bare hands, it was warm. You found yourself rub your cheek against his comforting touch, he knew exactly what you were feeling and this reassured you. Jade pulled back his hand and placed it on your head instead, ruffling your hair a bit, “Have you been resting well?”

Truth be told, you haven’t gotten a wink of sleep ever since the attacks increased. Your guard was always up and a chance to sleep never came. However, when Jade ruffled your hair, every muscle in your body relaxed, you fought the urge to close your eyes. Jade didn’t fail to notice your tired state and sat beside you on the log stool that was big enough to hold the two of you. He made you lean against his broad shoulder while stroking your head, his comforting touch making you go closer and closer to your desired rest. You closed your eyes and drifted into sleep, not hearing Jade’s endearing words “Sleep well, My beloved.”

14 days remain.

“Have you done it yet?” Jade entered his temporary lodging to see a beautiful young woman with long black hair sitting on his bed. Jade’s warm eyes turned cold as he glared at the woman who intruded his home. Jade didn’t bother to put up the gentlemanly act anymore. He lunged forward towards the woman and wrapped his fingers around her neck, lifting her smaller figure up in the air as Jade squeezed her neck. The woman was letting out choked noises as Jade continued to give her a cold glare. “W-Wait!” She managed to let out a word, Jade stopped for a moment. “You still need me, you can’t kill me.” The panicked and pained expression on the woman’s face brought immense pleasure to Jade. Oh how he loathed this woman! Jade was ready to snap her neck, staring coldly into her eyes as he squeezed her neck a bit more before suddenly letting go. The woman fell to the ground, hacking out coughs as she tried to regain oxygen in her system. Jade’s unusual rage has calmed down a bit after thinking rationally, he went into his kitchen and brought out some teacups, “Would you like some tea?”

The sweet aroma filled the cozy house as Jade delicately poured tea into the teacups. The woman sitting across him had a suspicious look, staring at the teacup. “Oh, please go ahead. Don’t be shy.” Jade insisted, an eerily calm smile decorating his face, as though the earlier events hadn’t happened at all. “It’s not poisoned, is it? I know how badly you want me dead but,” the woman pushed away the teacup, crossing her legs and arms as a confident look suddenly decorated her face. “If you still want your precious twin brother to live, I suggest you shouldn’t kill me.” Jade’s gentlemanly smile curled up into a big smirk as he set down his teacup, “And what made you think that I still needed you to do so? You’re basically useless.“

For a moment, the woman shot Jade a terrified look. She knew that Jade was capable of killing her at any given time, she had to think of an excuse to stay alive. “You won’t be able to use the deity’s heart to cure Floyd without me.” It was true. Even if Jade has gotten the deity’s heart right in his palms, he wouldn’t be able to use it to treat Floyd’s condition. Jade frowned upon hearing the words ‘deity’s heart’. It was the only reason why Jade approached you, he was skillful in deceiving others and masking his true intentions. Though it seemed like his mask was slowly breaking the more time he spent with you. It was true that he was fond of you — very fond but Jade wouldn’t allow himself to admit the feelings he held for you.

If he ever admitted to himself that he fell in love with you, it would just pain him more thinking about the cruel acts he was about to commit. “I’m close to obtaining her heart. Once I get my hands on it, we’re going back to the Coral Sea immediately.” His monotonous voice scared the woman a bit, how could he be so calm when he’s about to betray a deity? “Got it, witch?” Jade coldly asked the woman. The said woman snapped out of her daze and refuted, “Don’t call me that, I told you, my name is-"

"Do I look like I care?”

7 days remain.

“Dancing? When did you learn how to dance, Jade?” Jade only let out a mere chuckle as you gave him a curious glance. You looked better than before — the color of your face was slowly coming back thanks to Jade. His presence soothed you and you couldn’t help but let your guard down — you trust him. It has only been a month since the two of you met but you would already trust him with your life. What is this feeling…? What did humans call it again? Attachment..? Or was it fondness…or love? You didn’t know the answer. The moonlight shined upon both of your figures sitting down on the grass. “Do you underestimate me that much?” A teasing smirk appeared on his face, you panicked for a moment because deep down, you actually did underestimate him a bit. You looked away from him, a light hue of pink dusting your cheeks. Shame rising up from the pit of your stomach.

“Oh my, it seems like I’ve gotten my answer. It’d be a lie if I said I wasn’t disappointed.” Jade faked tears, wiping them away dramatically as you giggled at his actions. Jade stood up from the grass, his polite smile never disappearing from his face. Even though he gave everyone that smile, you couldn’t help but feel like there was an underlying tone of feelings and affection he held for you. Yet, you brushed it off like it was nothing — still denying the fact that you were indeed falling in love with him. Jade outstretched his hand towards you, trying to help you up. At that moment, you couldn’t help but think that you were becoming so helpless around him.

Hesitantly, you took his hand as he helped you up to your feet. You stumbled forward a bit and lost your footing, almost falling had it not been for Jade who catched you before you fell. “Careful!” He warned you, wrapping his arms around your figure as you steadied your balance. You could feel his heart beating, you closed your eyes and allowed your head to lean into his chest — listening to nothing but the beat of his heart. Is this what it means to fall in love? Jade was taken aback for a moment, he didn’t expect you to suddenly rest your head against his chest while standing up. He let out a sigh as he wrapped his arms tighter around you, his gaze filled with an unexplainable fondness. Oh how he wished this moment lasted forever.

3 days remain

It was dangerous and weak of you to allow yourself to be comforted by the presence of a mere mortal, even the forest pixies told you this themselves. It was a huge mess in the mountains when Jade wasn’t here. You suddenly felt sad at the thought of the earlier events.

“Lady (Y/N)! Forgive our insolence but we are begging you to cut ties with that mortal.” the pixies bowed down, they didn’t dare to look into your eyes — fear evident in their expressions. The pixie who talked to you, Daphne, was the wisest of the bunch — she had stayed in the mountain for far longer than you have. It was safe to say that she was wiser than you but the one who holds the most power was you — the mountain deity. Daphne didn’t have a single hint of fear on her face as she held her head up high, her blue locks tucked behind her pointed ear as she stared at you.

Rage coursed through every part of your body as your harmless gaze at them suddenly turned hostile. The gravity suddenly weighed down on all of them, forcing them onto their knees except Daphne. Had it not been for her power she accumulated during the years she had lived, she would be most likely on her knees as well. “What did you just say, Daphne?” Your mind wasn’t in its best state due to the responsibilities you had to fulfill doubled, every living being in the mountain knew that and they could see how stressed you were through the mountain’s state. They noticed how the mountain would flourish a little whenever a certain teal haired mortal decided to visit you, they knew that he was a double edged sword to their deity. Though they knew that he was a potential threat to you, when they saw how happy you looked when you’re with him, they couldn’t help but let the both of you be.

“That mortal man named Jade- He’s not what you think he is.” Daphne calmly responded, she’d been suspicious of him from the very beginning. Those words made the raging flames in your heart burn stronger. You knew deep inside that she was right. You knew he held ill intent from the moment you first met yet you just- You just blindly ignored it like the fool you were. Yet you were reminded of the way he called you his beloved when he thought you were fast asleep, it was one of your sweetest memories with him. You can’t allow yourself to believe that the gentle fondness in his voice that night was all fake.

“He’s after your heart.”

Those words pierced you right through the heart, uncontrollable tears suddenly forming at the corner of your eyes. You wanted to tell them that he was a good man, that he loved you. Your gaze dropped down to the ground, unable to say anything. The mountain spoke for you. The flowers were withering at a lightning fast speed and so did the trees. The wild animals, some died and some were dying. The waters were drying up, and the ground was ready to collapse any time soon. You wanted to cry. Memories of last night came flooding back. The way he held you so close to him, when you listened to his heartbeat? It was all an act to get your heart?

Daphne wasn’t telling her the whole story, she just wanted Jade gone. She left out the part about Jade’s brother because she knew that being the lovesick fool you were — you would gladly give up your heart to him. She decided to fan the flames, “I… also saw a black haired woman in his house.” Daphne cringed at herself, she couldn’t believe what she was about to say. She glanced at your forlorn expression before continuing, “I think she might be his lover.” Everything seemed to stop at that very moment. You stopped wasting your tears, the thunder clapped. Daphne knew she messed up when she saw your expression — filled with burning rage.

“It’s for his dying brother.” A small pixie speaked out, receiving a harsh glare from Daphne when she did.

“Flora! You…!”

Everything stopped for a moment, you held a confused expression on your face as you signalled the small pixie named Flora to inch closer to you. You had hope that everything wasn’t a lie. There was nothing more you’ve ever wanted. You desperately wanted to believe that Jade wasn’t a cold blooded jerk that only approached you for your heart. “Tell me about his brother.” Your weak commanding tone made Flora’s heart shatter into pieces, she could tell how much pain you were in. Meekly, Flora started to explain to you the things she saw and heard when she went to follow Jade to the village; the black haired woman who was waiting for him at his home, the way how Jade choked her, the hateful expression on his face, the things they discussed over tea, and how Jade needed your heart to cure his poisoned twin brother. Flora didn’t leave out the fact that the woman with Jade was actually the one who poisoned his brother and how there were only a few days left before Jade goes back to his hometown.

You were oddly happy. Happy by the fact that everything might not turn out to be a lie and that the Jade you were so fond of was real. Though you were laughable, you were an idiot in love. Love…? Is this what they call this feeling? You loved Jade to the point that you forgave him. Even if he didn’t confess himself, you were willing to forgive him over and over again. You were a fool. The biggest fool in the whole damn mountain. Though if it was for Jade, the man who taught you love and the first man you ever loved, you didn’t mind being called a lovesick fool who ruined her own life.

2 days left

Jade was running out of time, he could feel his lungs having difficulty trying to breathe as he climbed the mountain. The potion was wearing off and he needed to get your heart and return to the sea now — but he didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want his time with you to end just yet. He wanted more time with you. However, his brother comes first before anything else, including you. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he just abandoned Floyd just like that — it would be unacceptable. Jade’s heart was in deep turmoil as he took a step after the other, why didn’t he.. want to leave you? He stopped in his tracks, his hand clutching his chest tightly as he felt like his heart was being squeezed. He didn’t want to admit it — he would never. If he did, he would never be able to go back to the sea. He continued walking towards your usual meeting area.

The frown on his face immediately lightened up into a small smile when he saw your figure fiddling with a bunch of leaves. As he went closer, he could notice that you were crying. He kneeled down next to you and asked, “…Are you okay?” gently, Jade tried to place his hand on your shoulder as a form of comfort. You flinched, moving back a bit from his touch and accidentally hitting your head against a tree branch in the process. Jade quickly tried to pull you close to him to inspect what might be a wound on your head. Yet you- you desperately tried to avoid any form of contact with him, your lips sealed shut as you walked away from him to sit on a stone stool. Jade’s heart broke a little.

You were still trying to compose yourself, tomorrow was your last day with him. You could already see him getting paler and weaker, his withdrawals were getting worse. You needed to think of something, anything. You were going to let him go today, he can have more time to go back to the sea. So he can live. Yet a huge part of you is screaming ‘Don’t!’ You felt weak and afraid, you didn’t know what choice to make but deep down you knew what was the right decision. Mustering up enough courage, your breath shaky, you spoke up. “Jade."

Jade had never heard you sound so helpless, your voice was shaking, eyes brimming with tears. What happened to you? It was a bit of a shock, for you to call out his voice with such a painfully sad expression on your face. He wanted to know how he could make you feel better, he was about to wrap his arms around you again but he quickly retracted his arm when he remembered how you reacted earlier. So he kept his distance. "Yes…?” He anticipated your next words, hands shaking — his body was slowly turning back. He needed water but he forced himself to stay still and endure the painful withdrawal that came with it.

You clasped your hands together, muttering a short chant under your breath as something in between your hands started to glow. A single shard of what seemed to be like a gemstone — a piece of jade. It was your heart, clearly influenced by your undeniable feelings for this man you met less than a month ago. Your jaded heart, it was what Jade was after all this time. Once it was in your hands, you clasped it tightly one more time before facing Jade. Tears blurring your vision, “Just… take it.”

Jade’s blood went cold, how…? Did you finally figure out his true intentions? Are you mad? Countless questions popped up inside his mind and his heart rate going faster by the second as he tried to make sense of the situation. Will he lie one more time? Or will he grab the golden opportunity in front of him? Before he could make a decision, he abandoned all sense of reason and pulled you into a passionate kiss. You were caught off guard, yet you kissed him back without any hint of hesitation at all. Your faces so close — your tears started to mix and you didn’t want to let go of him. Neither did he. After pulling away from your heated kiss, he finally managed to mutter out the words he was so afraid of saying.

“I love you.”

1 day remains

The cool breeze caressed Jade’s cheek as he ran through the forest, your heart grasped tightly in his hand as he desperately gasped for air. He needed to get back, now. The black haired woman from the other day was already ahead of him, looking back occasionally at Jade to make sure he wasn’t dead from the withdrawal symptoms. Memories of last night weighed so much in Jade’s mind, he felt like he was choking as he ran — his legs heavy as he started to sweat more than usual. Yet he didn’t stop running, you gave him this chance to let him and his brother live and he was not about to let it go to waste. He ran and ran and ran until he could finally see the sea.

Jade immediately jumped into the water, taking in the familiar feeling of being submerged in water once again — not once did his grip loosen around your heart. He allowed himself to breathe for a moment, letting the transformation take its place as his legs turned into a tail. He was slowly letting himself sink to the bottom of the sea, nobody could tell that he was crying from the wet environment of the sea.

One look at Jade and you can immediately tell that he was empty, void of emotion as he stared at your heart — placing a gentle kiss on it as he muttered under his breath, “Perhaps in another life, we could be lovers once again."

This is a story about how a foolish mountain deity sacrificed her heart, the very core of her being, to a mere mortal. A story about how cruel fate can be, and how it ruined them. The ending? The mountain deity fell into an eternal slumber after giving her heart up to her lover, unable to wake up after hundreds of years. The mortal man cured his brother and lived a somewhat happy life, longing to see his beloved deity once again on land and was killed after multiple attempts of going to land.

Perhaps things would’ve been different if they made different choices, perhaps they’d be happily living as a couple now but fate is not so nice, no? There is no happy ending for this disastrous pair, only ruin awaits them if they were to ever meet again in their next lives. They were both fools in the end.

"Eh~? Jade, Jade~! Did you hear about the transfer student coming today?” Floyd made grabby hands at Jade, excitement bubbling up from the pit of his stomach, will he find another person to squeeze? Jade let out a sigh, seemingly uninterested in the topic but decided to entertain Floyd. “Yes, it does make me feel a bit excited, fufu~”

The class silenced down so quickly, your footsteps towards the class stage could be heard.

“Hello everyone, my name is (Y/N) (L/N)! Nice to meet you all!"

Jade’s eyes gleamed with growing intrigue, why did you seem familiar to him in some way? He didn’t dwell on that for long though, he just decided that if fate decided to make you a part of his life, then so be it.

And it begins all over again.

#self indulgent takoyaki #hahaha more jade #twst writing #twst #twst x reader #angst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland jade #jade leech x reader #twst jade #jade #jade leech #fem!reader

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moony-artnstuff · 3 years

Text

Commission @smol-wincheeseter

Note: @smol-wincheeseter Hi hun! Here is your commission. Sorry that I didn’t post it yesterday, my computer crashed☹ I tried to add as many elements as possible, hope you like it, and I hope you’re doing alright!

WARNING: Depression, suicidal thought, self-harm (although prevented) Please read carefully and stay safe!

“Lassie? Is everything alright?”

You were shaken out of your thoughts by the sound of a voice. As you blinked your eyes and became aware of your surroundings again, you noticed Bofur had placed his hand over yours, which were resting in your lap. You turned your head to look at the dwarf and were met with his concerned gaze.

“Bofur?” you asked confused.

“You suddenly stopped carving,” he explained, motioning to the half-finished wooden figure beside you, “and then when I looked up you were scratching your hands and clenching your teeth. Are ya doing okay?” For a moment you just blinked, still processing the words. Then you put up the smile you always wore, and answered,

“Yeah, I’m fine, I was just… distracted for a moment. Thinking about my own world, you know?” and you hoped he would believe you. Bofur simply gave you a sympathetic smile.

“If you ever feel the need to talk about it, or anything at all, I’m always here.” and he gave your hand a friendly squeeze before standing up.

“Now, if my nose isn’t betraying me, I’d say Bombur has finished cooking us dinner, let’s go see what he’s made us.” and he offered you his arm. As you took it you hoped the smile was still present on your face, as only the thought of food made you want to throw up. When the two of you arrived you sat down next to Fili and Kili, quickly joining them in their conversation. Laughter soon filled the air, as you started to crack jokes, making Fili clutch his stomach while his brother almost fell off the log you were sitting on. And then Bombur handed you your plate with food.

“Here you go, y/n!” he said cheerfully, a kind smile on his face, “We got lucky today. I’ve found some really good spices to make it taste extra good, I hope you enjoy it!” and his gaze almost seemed hopeful as he handed you your dinner. You assured him his cooking skills were most excellent, while trying to force down the nauseous feeling in your stomach. Even though it wasn’t a lot of food - the companies rations were scarce, and it was a matter of luck whether or not hunting would offer any food - but you could already feel the calories adding to your body, and it made you sick. Most of the evening you just played around with your food, listening to the talking around you, and every now and then putting a small bite into your mouth when a member of the company was looking your way, when all of the sudden you heard a strange sound next to you. As you turned your head you saw Bilbo trying to sneakily put some of his food on your plate. He abruptly stopped his movements when he noticed you looking at him, and he went beat-red.

“I- I um…”

“Bilbo? What are you doing?” You asked, wondering why that sweet little hobbit, who already had to deal with less meals than he was used to, was putting his food on your still almost full plate.

“Um.. I just- I didn’t mean…” he stammered, before taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I just thought that- you haven’t been eating a lot lately, and- and I’m worried about your health so I… I thought you could do with a little more food.” Bilbo had placed his plate back in his lap with his gaze fixed on his feet, hoping you were not mad at him.

“That’s very sweet of you, Bilbo” you swallowed, willing down the upcoming tears, “but you needn't worry about me, I’m just not that hungry.” You quickly stood up, flashing him a grin before continuing,

“I am rather tired however, so I’ll be heading off to bed now. Good night!” and before Bilbo could say another word you had turned around and made your way for your bedroll, even though you knew sleep wouldn’t come to you that night. You weren’t angry at Bilbo. You knew he only meant to do good, but you couldn’t stand eating the food, couldn’t even bear the thought of having to eat more of the food. As your head hit the pillow, dark thoughts started to consume your mind. How long would you have to go on like this?

As the night got darker more and more members of the company made their way to their bedrolls, until eventually only Dwalin and Fili - who were on nightwatch together - and Bofur remained. The latter sat on a big rock overlooking the valley below, smoking his pipe as he was lost in thought. He worried about you. A lot. He noticed you acted rather strange as of late, even though you seemed to try and hide it. At first Bofur figured it was simply the homesickness for your own world that made you seem detached from reality, and that, being as young as you were, it were the travel circumstances that made you seem so tense and exhausted at moments. But then his brother informed him that you started to eat less and less, and he heard from Fili and Kili that most nights you would barely sleep at all. And then there was your strange humming. Now, there was nothing wrong with humming of course, Bofur himself was always singing one kind of folk song or another, so it wasn’t the humming itself that was strange. No, it was what would happen after that. You would get up in the middle of the night and start to wander around, seemingly in trance until Ori had shaken you out of it, or when not even a few days ago, you had come back from bathing in the river, and had cut off all of your hair up until your ears. Bofur had worriedly asked you what happened, but you simply said you had wanted a change of style, and so he had reluctantly dropped the subject.

“You’re thinking about y/n too?” Fili’s voice startled Bofur out of his thoughts, and made him turn his head to look at the blond haired prince.

“Aye, I am.” he sighed.

“She’s been getting worse lately,” Fili continued, “I’m not sure what exactly is going on but, I- I fear she might be hurting herself, and she’s not reaching out for help, so I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ve been trying to keep an eye on her,” Dwalin spoke, who had joined them on Bofur’s other side, “been tryin’ to make sure the lass was eating and stayed in her bedroll, but I can’t stay awake all night.” and the warrior let out an audible sigh. Bofur fondly shaked his head at the warrior.

“Softy.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all.” and the three dwarves let out a chuckle, but it was short-lived when they simultaneously realized; humming. They whipped their heads around to look at your bedroll, only to find you gone, and so was Fili’s knife. Then Dwalin saw a glimpse of your form disappearing into the forest, and he ran after you, Bofur and Kili hot on his heels.

You only faintly realized you were humming as you wandered into the forest, some distant kind of melody from the subconscious of your mind. You didn’t feel the sting of sharp rocks under your bare feet, or the cold wind chilling you to the bone. You just felt tired. Tired and numb. When you stopped walking you had arrived at a small clearing. As you let yourself sink to your knees you started to toy with Fili’s knife, looking at the runes and marking embedded in the blade. It wasn’t your intention to take it without asking, but it was the closest sharp object you could find. You didn’t like the sting of the blade on your skin, you knew you shouldn’t be doing this, but you felt like such a burden to the company of Thorin Oakenshield. You deserved to be punished, didn’t you? You deserved to-

“STOP!”

A startled cry made you look up, and before you knew it someone removed the knife out of your reach and warmth enveloped your body as Fili wrapped his fur coat around you.

“What in Mahal’s name do you think yer doing lass?! Ya could’ve seriously injured yourself!” You recognized Dwalin’s voice. He sounded… almost concerned?

“Y/n… please, don’t do these things to yourself, we care too much for you to hurt yourself.” and it was as you met Bofur’s glassy eyes that tears started to form in yours. A broken sob left your throat as you tried to bury yourself further in Fili’s coat.

“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to- I’m so sorry!” and you wept as three pairs of arms surrounded you in a hug, letting out all the hurt and anguish you had bottled up inside you.

“It’s alright lassie,” Bofur choked, “you’re gonna be alright.”

Dwalin carried you back to camp as Bofur collected some extra tunics and some warm socks for you to put on. While they helped you get dressed, Fili went to quietly wake up Oìn, softly explaining what had happened. The old dwarf tended to your cuts; cleaning and bandaging them, making no comment except for the shake of his head. When he was finished, he took both of your hands in his, squeezing softly to make sure he had your full attention as he said,

“If you ever need me to patch you up after these kinds of things, don’t be afraid to ask. I will not judge or make any comments, as long as I get to make sure you get looked after.” then he patted your hands one more time, before making his way back to his bedroll.

After that Fili and Dwalin went back to their nightwatch, but not before Fili insisted you kept wearing his fur coat. “You need it more than I do”, he had said. As you looked their way, you noticed Dwalin glancing at you from time to time, as if to make sure you were still there.

“Lassie?” Bofur said, and you turned to meet his gaze.

“I just want you to know that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Life isn’t always gonna be great, sometimes it just sucks, and makes you believe you’re things that you're not, that you’re someone who doesn’t deserve to be here, and when that happens I want you to come to me. I want you to know that you are worth it, so much. And that you are loved, and cared for, and irreplaceable. So please…” and he took his hat off and plopped it onto yours,

“Keep on living, and I promise you, the sun will shine on you again.” and that’s when you knew. That’s when you knew that you deserve people to care for you, you deserve people to tend to your wounds, to tell you it’s gonna be okay, and people to hold you when life feels like drowning you. Fondly gazing at your bandaged wrists, with Fili’s coat around you, Dwalin’s watchful gaze and Bofur’s caring smile, you knew;

You are loved.

#commission #the hobbit #the hobbit x reader #bofur x reader #Bofur #dwalin #dwalin x reader #fili #fili x reader #platonic #the company #the company of thorin

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all1e23 · 4 years

Text

Between the Stars [Pt.3]

Pairings: Past!Steve x Reader, Bucky x Reader

Series warnings: CHARACTER DEATH. Grief. Overall sadness. Depression. It’s pretty angsty if I’m being honest. Things mellow out as the series goes on. TW: Military/Spouse death

A/N: Each chapter is a month since steve has been gone as a reminder because this chapter does pick up the morning after Bucky arrived home. Big thanks to my pizza love @moonbeambucky for looking it over for me. As always for this series, flashback are italicized. If you like it write a book report, sing me a song or come scream at me. Remember not to judge everyone too harshly till all the secrets come out. ;-)

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam, though! Thanks!****

“What’s missin’ in here?”

Bucky stood in the living room, surveying the 420 square feet, coffee in hand, and squinting. You were both tired even after finishing off a pot of coffee between the two of you. Last night ended much like it started; in tears. You weren’t sure how long you cried or how long Bucky held you. There was a lot you needed to get off your chest, a weight you let Bucky carry for a few hours. This morning the burden was back resting heavily on your heart. It was your hardship to carry after all, not Bucky’s.

He had his own you suspected.

You stayed quiet as you watched his eyes move around the open floor plan, glancing from the dining to the living room. His eyes flicked along the bookcases lining the staircase, the tan leather sectional, and the two cream color chairs that Steve hated. You had a massive fight over those chairs, a real knock-down-drag-out. Steve didn’t want them. “Why would we buy white furniture when we are going to have kids? They will be covered in stains.” You had argued they weren’t white, they were cream. Things only escalated when you told him you wouldn’t have kids for a few more years anyway, and by then, they would be old enough that a few stains from sticky hands would be okay. Steve had thought kids would come along much sooner, it seemed. You simply couldn’t see how that would work while he was enlisted, and he thought the two of you could get through anything together; lack of communication and assumptions. Steve slept on the couch that night. If only you could go back and say sorry, beg him to come back to bed instead of being stubborn and staying mad to prove a point.

What you would give to be able to go back and relive it all again, even the bad moments because they always turned into the next good ones.

Bucky took a step towards the empty space by the front window, the sound of his boots on the hardwood made your heart clench. It was hard to miss now. The whole room looked uneven, looked off. Bucky spun back around to face you and asked gently, voice barely above a whisper, “What happened to your piano?”

You’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop since Bucky showed up yesterday evening; he spotted the change faster than Sam had.

“I sold it.”

Bucky didn’t move or make a sound at your admission. His face stayed impassive, and after a few moments of silence, he simply nodded. The subject was dropped. Sam had flipped his lid when he saw that you had really gone through with selling it, “You loved playing! You shouldn’t be making big decisions like that right now, ones you might regret later.” You didn’t understand why Sam was so shocked, you made it clear that you were done with that life. It didn’t bother you, so it shouldn’t worry Sam. At least, Bucky didn't care. Perhaps he was only better at hiding it; if Bucky was disappointed in you, he made no outward show of it.

“What plans do you have today?”

You regarded Bucky with a blank stare over your steaming mug and shrugged a shoulder. You couldn't remember the last time you made plans or filled your day with something over than hiding away in your house. Over the previous two months, your days have consisted of avoiding everyone that you could and staying locked in the safety of the walls you built with Steve. It was the one place no one could judge you for still loving your husband.

“All right. All right.” Bucky blew out a breath and rested his elbows on the kitchen counter, immediately going into fix-it mode. “Here’s what I was thinkin’ for today--”

You couldn’t help but take in the way Bucky was leaning against the white stone as he talked about the plans he had in mind for the day, what he thought the two of you should try to accomplish today, but you weren’t listening. It wasn’t that you were actively trying to ignore him, but there was something about his hair cut that short, and the way he was watching you as he spoke made you think of times that had long since past. When you were just a bunch of kids with no idea how the world worked or what it meant to be in love.

“Hey, Trouble.”

The deep voice calling you made you jump, you turned to see who the culprit was and narrowed your eyes when you saw Bucky holding back his chuckle. The scowl you were giving him looked menacing enough to scare most men off, but it only made the hold Bucky had on his laughter break. You dug an elbow into his ribs, and the groan that slipped from his lips was for your benefit, you were sure. Stupid cute boy. Bucky leaned against the railing, resting on his elbows and doing everything he could to keep his eyes focused on the water rippling under the wood beneath your feet.

You weren’t sure what reasons Bucky had when he came looking for you because he was actively avoiding meeting your gaze now that he was by your side.

“Sorry,” Bucky said, soft and unsure. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You smiled at the sincerity in his voice. Bucky rarely let himself be soft and vulnerable when everyone was gathered together like this, in party mode, but that was the side of him you saw more often than not; a secret piece of Bucky only you got to see.

“It’s okay. I’ve seen one too many horror movies. I feel like Jason is going to come up out of the lake or something,” you said with a shiver and instinctively slid closer to Bucky, letting your arms brush against his. This time you only glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, and he was grinning as if he found something so funny about the situation the two of you were in.

He wouldn’t find it funny when a swamp monster trudged through the mud and ate you both.

Bucky leaned his head towards your, still eyeing that same dumb piece of wood bobbing in the rough motions of the lake, the proximity of his lips to your ear made your skin tingle, and he whispered in your ear, “I’ll protect you, Y/n. I promise I’ll always protect you.”

You turned to face him, and he finally pulled his attention away from that ugly log so he could stare into your eyes. How could they look so blue when it was this dark outside? You swallowed the lump in your throat, worrying your already reddened lip between your teeth and whispered so softly you were scared he wouldn’t hear you, and you wouldn’t find the courage to repeat it.

“Always saving me. How’d I get so lucky to have a friend like you, Buck?”

You have no idea why you said that. It was so stupid! Yes, you were friends, and if you kept saying things like that, things would stay that way. At this rate, you were never going to get a chance to find out if there was something beyond this silly little crush you’ve developed.

Why didn’t you tell him? Your brain hissed at you. You’re just a big scaredy-cat.

“Y/n?”

The firmness in Bucky’s voice brought you back, you shook your head to clear it of the times past and quickly followed it with a nod as if you were answering a question, but you had no idea what was said. Bucky didn’t mention your momentary blackout, but he did take the cup from your hands because your fingers were trembling, and you had yet to notice. You wrung them together to stop them from shaking, but they continued on.

“Have you been by to see Sarah?" Bucky asked again, picking up where he left off without missing a beat.

You cleared your throat and shifted from one foot to the other, your guilt was shining through loud and clear. No, you had not been by. You had intended to and even tried a few times, only ever made it to the end of the driveway before you retreated back inside and crawled into your bed. It was too hard, and you didn’t think you could face her after everything. It was as if Steve was staring back at you, and that hurt more than your heart could handle. Bucky sighed and pulled your jacket off the hook hanging in the kitchen, holding it out for you to take and gently urged you, “Come on Trouble. I’ll go with you.”

You grumbled something snarky under your breath that Bucky couldn’t make out, but it made him smile regardless. Your jacket was still hanging off his fingers, so you yanked it off and tucked it under your arm, refusing to let him win every battle today.

“I was thinkin’ we could stop in at Dixie’s on the way.”

“I’m not hungry,” you grumped, a sour face and firm pout in place.

Bucky held the screen door for you and raised a brow with a smirk curling up the edges of lips, “I didn’t say you had to eat. I’m starving, and I’ve missed their stuffed french toast.”

Your frown deepened at Bucky’s words and trudged across the yard through the snow to Steve’s truck. There was that stomach sinking expectation that he was trying to force you to eat, the same way everyone else did when they saw you. As if they were trying to cure your grief with casseroles and baked goods, not Bucky, though. He opened the door, and you climbed up into the passenger seat without second-guessing the action. Bucky made his way into the driver’s seat and pulled Steve’s keys out of his pocket; you never even saw him grab them.

It was quiet in the cab as Bucky fiddled with the radio, leaving it low once he had found a song he liked. You turned your gaze towards the window, and after several minutes of silence, you rolled your eyes, admitting with a huff, “I do like their french toast. They do that thing where they put the caramelized bananas on top, and the one with the cream cheese in the middle is pretty good.”

A small smile formed, but Bucky didn’t say anything. He was smart enough to stay quiet.

---

Despite having to face your mother-in-law for the first time in two months, you surprisingly felt better than you had this morning. All that sugar from Dixie’s helped. Even though you didn’t want to admit it, it felt good to do normal, everyday things again. Things you would have done with Steve or even before him. It didn’t make you a bad wife to go to breakfast with a friend or to order Steve’s favorite instead of avoiding it. It was okay to laugh a little when Bucky dribbled syrup down his grey Henley and missed the bit in the stubble that was beginning to grow back. Spending time outside the darkness didn’t mean you loved Steve any less or that you had to move on if you weren’t ready to. It simply meant the world continued on, and it was okay for you to do the same when it was time.

That was a nice reminder, though, standing in front of your mother-in-law's door made it feel as if everything was at a standstill once again and the high from all that sugar was fading fast. You raised your hand to open the back door four or five times, but you couldn’t force yourself to touch the handle. Sarah had her own mourning to work through and didn’t need to add yours on top of it. She shouldn’t have to comfort you, and you were in no shape to console her.

Bucky’s knuckles ran up and down your spine to soothe the jitters you were emitting, he encouraged gently, “Go on, Trouble. She loves you. I know she’ll be excited to see you.”

You took a deep breath and pushed the backdoor open, it creaked which made you smile. Steve would have complained about adding a little something to grease the hinges, so it wasn’t so loud. Sarah would say no, she liked to hear it squeak when you came in. Sarah’s eyes widened when you stepped through the door, but they quickly lit up with excitement. She was in the same spot as always, sitting at the kitchen table with the newspaper in front of her, thin blonde hair pulled into a bun on the top of her head, and you might have been wrong, but it looked like she was wearing one of Steve’s old shirts. Sarah pulled her glasses off, rising from her chair before you could tell her to stay.

“Hey, sweetheart. I didn’t expect you to drop by…”

Her words died off, and her smile quickly fell when Bucky stepped through the door, dusted off his boots on the mat, and smiled at her. It was obvious she was excited to see him, but there was a shake in her hand and a mist in her eyes no one could miss when he spoke, "Hey, Mama R."

“I-I spoke to Winnie this morning. She didn’t think you would be stopping by right away,” Sarah stopped to give you a hug and whispered she loved you before she reached for Bucky and pulled him into a hug only a mother could provide. Bucky seemed happy to be on the receiving end, “Are you kiddin'? I had to come see you. I’m not home till I do.”

Maybe it was what Bucky had said or the tenderness in his voice when he said, but it broke whatever glue Sarah was using to hold herself together. You took a few steps back and let your weight sag back against the counter, Bucky stood in the doorway holding Sarah, and you heard her choked whispers from where you were hiding, “Did it-- Were you there? Was it--”

He shook his head, answering her unspoken question, was it bloody and painful. Bucky assured her, “Yeah, I was there. It was quick, and he wasn’t in any pain. I promise.”

You met Bucky’s eyes over her shoulder, and he quickly dropped your gaze, his focus back on Sarah and comforting her the best he could. Bucky was lying. You knew him well enough to know when he was telling tall tales and right then was the tallest he’s told. Either he wasn’t with Steve when it happened, or it wasn’t as quick as he was claiming.

Sarah was quick to wipe her eyes and pretend it never happened. She offered to make lunch, and despite your efforts to stop her by informing her you just came from breakfast, she began cooking anyway. You wanted to protest, but Bucky shook his head, so you let it go. Sarah was only trying to fix what she could, she couldn’t bring Steve back, but she could make ridiculously good turkey Reuben. Steve wasn’t mentioned the rest of the five-hour visit, and you had a feeling it was done for your benefit. It should have been a relief because the last thing you want to do is breakdown in front of Bucky or Sarah, but it only made you angry.

Would they talk about Steve if you weren’t around? Would they share secrets and memories? Would Bucky have told her what happened to Steve if only you hadn’t come? It wasn’t fair of you to be angry with either of them, but nothing was fair about any of this.

The ride back to your house was silent. You barely spoke five words to Bucky through lunch, and even though you promised you would soon, you weren’t sure when you would go back to Sarah’s. It wasn’t as hard as you expected, but today had been exhausting. Bucky never turned the radio on, and you were grateful. The quiet gave you a chance to hear the whistle in the wind as the trees rustled and listen for leaves blown by your window. It was a pretty whisper that made your skin prickle, you had forgotten how pretty spring could be.

Bucky gave you space you so desperately needed once you got home. You bolted towards your bedroom the moment the front door opened. It wasn’t him you were running from. You hoped he knew that, so you left your door cracked. The stale air of your bedroom felt like you were suffocating, and the sight of your blankets in a heap on the top of your mattress only added to your unease. With the window cracked and one of Steve’s shirt now replacing yours, you slowly started to untangle the sheets and gathered your throw pillows off the floor in the corner of the room. Baby steps. That was what Sam was always telling you. So, maybe you start with making your bed. It wasn’t like anyone would know if you gave up. You were all alone. There was a soft knock on your door, and you looked up to find Bucky standing awkwardly in your doorway.

“Everything okay?”

Bucky cleared his throat and gave you a curt nod. There was something dark in his hands, and he was gripping it so tightly you thought for sure it would rip in two. The stiffness in his frame made you stop, drop the throw pillow in your hand onto the end of the bed, and you took a step towards him. You inspected the hand he was holding out, and your chest tightened when you realized what it was.

“I wanted to make sure you got this back.”

Bucky brought your scarf back home.

“He would want you to know it was with him when it happened. He had you with him when it happened.”

You ran your fingers along the frayed threads and the new holes that were littered throughout. You could see spots where the sun had faded it, the darker pieces where he tucked it into his shirt. “I, uh, I didn’t wash it. I kept it wrapped in one of his shirts. I didn’t know if...”

You brought it up to your nose to take a breath and smiled at the familiar earthy citrus scent. When they told you Steve was lost during a mission, you assumed you would never see it again. It was nice to hear Steve wasn’t lying all those times he told you he took it with him, it never left his side just like he promised and it was nice to have that piece of him back.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Bucky shrugged his shoulder and gestured towards the end of the hall, where he would be if you wanted him. You weren’t going to say anything. The plan was to stay in your room for the rest of the night and wallow, but now… you didn’t want to be alone and holding that thin fabric between your fingers; you had to ask. With Steve’s scarf resting on the corner of your bed, you called out for Bucky before he could leave your sight.

“Hm?”

Bucky stopped short and leaned against the doorframe as if he was preparing himself for what you were about to ask. You’ve always been able to read each other, there was no doubt he knew what was coming.

“It wasn’t quick, was it?”

Bucky only shook his head in response. It wasn’t an answer to your question, he wasn’t going to answer you right now. He didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe that was for your benefit, or perhaps he simply couldn’t talk about it yet. Either way, you wouldn’t push him.

“W-would you want to, um, have dinner with me?” Your voice cracked when you asked. He caught it, but you pressed on, ignoring the concern darkening his eyes, “I don’t have any groceries. I haven’t been getting out much. There was a thing with a pie--”

“Thing with a pie?” Bucky interrupted with a curious tilt of the head and playful smirk forming.

You rolled your eyes and brushed it off with a wave of your hand.

“It’s not important. People are nosy, and sometimes baked goods make you emotional, okay? It’s normal… Just-- nevermind. I was thinking we could heat up one of those stupid frozen dinners everyone keeps bringing by and stuffing in my freezer.”

Bucky chuckled and waved his hand, silently telling you to lead the way, “Yeah, let’s go see what we’ve got, but I’m handling the stove.”

“It’s just warming it up, Buck.”

“Still,” Bucky whistled lowly, wearing that silly smirk. “I don’t wanna risk it, Trouble.”

As hard as you tried to fight, you found yourself smiling for the first time in a long, long time.

The next four weeks continued to drag on like every week since Steve has been gone. The hours crawled by, the minutes took forever to pass, and you counted the seconds until you could hide away in your room. Bucky didn’t smother you, but he did hover. He liked to check-in by walking by your room, never saying anything, just glancing towards your bed where he often found you. Bucky didn’t crowd you the way Sam had, but you knew he was taking notice of your lack of sleep and your poor eating habits from the moment he arrived. It wasn’t that you were purposely skipping meals; you had no appetite and forcing yourself to eat felt like torture some days. Your appetite had improved some since Bucky came home, but you still rarely venture out of the house or do much of anything. Most of your days were spent hiding in your room, and your nights were spent on the back deck.

It was the best place to stare at the stars.

That’s where Bucky found you yet again, you heard the sliding door rolling along the tracks and Bucky’s bare feet getting closer and closer with each step. Bucky was getting a glass of water like he did every night. He wasn’t the only one paying attention. Bucky slowly sat down next to you, letting his legs hang off the deck like yours but didn’t say anything. It was becoming somewhat of a nightly tradition, and most nights, you didn’t talk. Sometimes you didn’t even mind having the company, other nights weren’t so giving. You turned your head after several silent beats and looked at the man sitting next to you. Bucky gave you a small inquisitive smile, and you shrugged your shoulder. Bucky grinned and leaned his own arms on the railing, mimicking your stance and followed your gaze to the sky.

“So, why are you always out here? I come down every night, and I see you sitting in the same spot.”

It was a fair question, but the answer wasn’t so easy to give.

“I don’t sleep much anymore.”

Bucky understood that better than most. He really did. Bucky had once told you between the things he had seen and the things he had done, he found it hard to close his eyes and rest. Sleep often meant nightmares, and lately, you had a feeling those were filled with images of Steve. Bucky gazed up at whatever set of stars you were trying to spot through the tears in your eyes, the ones you tried to hide when he came outside.

Thankfully, Bucky would never bring them up.

“The house feels confining sometimes, but I’m not ready to leave it. It’s quiet, and my bed is cold. Empty. I don’t like it. And…” You sighed heavily and quietly admitted, “I like looking up at the stars. I feel like wherever he is, maybe he’s looking down at the same time I'm looking up. Feels like he’s not fully gone when I do that. It sounds stupid, I know.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid, Y/n.”

Bucky tore his eyes away from the sky and looked back at you. He shook his head and let out an amused sigh, "He used to say the same thing. A lot actually. Which didn’t make a lot of sense because our night was usually your day, but he said he liked to look up at the stars hoping you were doing the same and thinking about him."

You smiled at the thought.

“Why are you downstairs every night? Checking up on me?” You nudged Bucky with your shoulder, and he gave you a gentle nudge back before answering.

“Hmm. Nightmares. Things I’d rather not see a lot of. I try to avoid them if I can.”

You hummed in understanding. Even if he hadn’t confided in you years ago about the things that haunted him when he closed his eyes, you knew about nightmares. You were constantly running from yours. The bags under your eyes and the constant yawning was the first sign that sleep no longer came easily.

“Come on, Trouble,” Bucky urged you as he slowly stood and held his hand out for you. You looked up at him, brow furrowed with a question burning in your eyes; it was three in the morning, where could he possibly want to take you?

“Come on?” you repeated, hoping he would elaborate.

“Let’s go lay down.”

Your face went dark, and you looked back up at the stars, shutting down the offer. You couldn't sleep. Bucky tucking you in wouldn't change that. The bed was far too big now, with a cold side that never felt right and left you with an empty chest when you woke.

"I’ll hold you until you fall asleep. I’ll stay with you, so it doesn’t feel so empty,” Bucky whispered as if he knew all the thoughts bouncing around your head. You slowly reached out and took his hand, letting him help you to your feet. He didn’t let go. Bucky held your hand as he led you through the house. He paused at your bedroom door and waited. It was the space you shared with Steve, and he wasn’t going to step into that territory unless you made it clear it was okay to do so.

“Can you wait a second?” You whispered.

Bucky nodded and released your hand so you could slip behind the door. A few minutes later, you stepped into the hallways wearing a baby blue tank top and matching cotton shorts, holding a pillow to your chest. It was Steve’s. You both knew it was. There was no reason to dwell on it or make an outward admission. You waited for Bucky to grab your hand and lead you back to the guest room that he had moved into, staring at his bed covered in more than enough pillows you’re filled with a bit of embarrassment and remorse.

Bucky was only trying to help.

“I’m sorry--”

Bucky quickly pulled you into his arms and shook his head, soothing you with all those pillows bearing witness, “Don’t. You have nothing to be sorry for. Some wouldn’t understand, but I do. I get it. We’re okay, Y/n."

You nodded even though you didn't feel any better about it, and glanced at his bed. It was the same size as yours, but this one looked much smaller now that you were sharing it with someone else. It’s been nearly two years since you shared a bed with someone else, and you weren’t sure if it was better or worse than sleeping alone.

Steve was always the big spoon. Always. There were rare moments when he would let you carry his troubles and let you hold him, but those didn’t come along often. You didn’t want to do that. It felt wrong even though there wasn't anything indecent about Bucky's offer. The offer was derived from his love for Steve, and for you, he was worried about you, and it was plain to see despite his best efforts to show you otherwise. You could give him an inch, and sleeping didn’t sound so bad after all the nights you have spent struggling to rest. Bucky waited for you to get comfortable; finally, you settled on your side, facing him with Steve’s pillow resting comfortably behind your back as if Steve was holding you, and he gave you a small smile.

You were stiff when he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you towards him, so your head rested on his chest. It felt odd to let someone other than Steve hold you. Not that you haven't curled up next to Bucky on the couch during a movie or held his hand at Coney island. You’ve felt his lips on your forehead more times than you could count. That was a long time ago, though. Back when you all were just friends, and you thought maybe Bucky had feelings for you. Before that night, the night that changed everything, before vows had been exchanged and the Army, Bucky always seemed to be buzzing around you. He would walk you to class, bring lunch by your dorm whenever he could, Bucky would stay long after everyone else went home and held your hand whenever it was free to hold.

There was a second, a fleeting twinkle when you thought he was finally going to admit he had feelings for you but, Bucky never said anything.

Then Steve happened.

Things between you and Bucky changed fairly quickly once Steve kissed you. Bucky no longer reached for your hand when it was bare. He was quiet. Distant. It took a few months before Bucky finally seemed to be himself again when the three of you were together. Things had changed, you didn't blame him. Steve had, only a little before you talked some sense into him and assured him it would take time for everyone to get used to the new dynamic. Steve had said, Bucky better get used to it because this, you and him, was forever. Forever wasn't quite as long as you or Steve thought it turned out.

“Did Steve ever tell you about the time I caught him fighting two guys double his size behind that old Pizza Hut, holding nothing but one of those red plastic trays as some sorta shield?”

You chuckled through your sniffles and shook your head as best you could against his chest. The tension in your shoulders lifted enough that you began to relax, and Bucky ran a hand up and down your arm to help take the rest of the weight you were forcing on yourself.

“No, what happened?”

Bucky snorted, and you knew the look he was wearing. The same look of indignation he wore every time Steve ran headfirst into trouble without thinking of the consequences.

“Nothin’ good. Little punk ended up with a broken nose, and I lost most of my paycheck tryin' to cool them off enough to leave before they pummeled him into the ground. Then he gets mad at me for stepping in.”

You tucked your head further into his chest to hide your smile and mumbled against the soft cotton of his shirt. “Lemme guess, he had it under control?”

Bucky gave your arm a squeeze and confirmed, “Yeah, he had it under control.”

“Tell me more stories.” You begged quietly, “Please?”

Bucky was quiet for a few moments, and then his chest rumbled under your ear, “Let’s see, all right. All right. I got one. In fifth grade--”

Bucky talked until your breath evened out, and soon you were snoozing soundly against his chest. He hoped tonight your nightmares would give you both one night of peaceful sleep, but he wasn’t counting on it.

The night was coming to an end, and you spent most of it watching Wanda attempting (and failing) to stop Pietro from flirting with every girl present, Clint and Nat making out by the fire all night long and Sam having several serious conversations with Bucky. Dot was still fawning all over Bucky after she got her claws in him and pulled him off the dock and away from you. Not that, that was unusual when everyone got together. She was always all over Bucky. Everyone seemed to have someone and that someone wasn’t you. Even Steve was avoiding you tonight for a reason you couldn't begin to understand. Maybe it was time to throw in the red Solo cup and head home.

“Y/n?”

You spun around to see Steve standing behind you, looking out of sorts and a little nervous. “Hey, Stevie.”

“Hey. Hi...” Steve gnawed his bottom lip and stared at the fire in front of you, trying to process something by the look in his eyes. He was struggling with something, and you were starting to worry something was seriously wrong.

“Are you okay, Steve?”

“Am I okay?” Steve echoed your words. You giggled at the way his brow crumbled, and his nose scrunched up while he thought your question over, making him grin.

“Screws this,” Steve whispered.

Steve tossed his cup in the fire and took two long strides into your space, cupping your face in both hands, and his lips were on yours before anyone knew what was happening. There were a few whistles and shouts from your idiot friends, but you didn’t notice any of them. All you could see at that moment was Steve. His lips were softer than you pictured, and your heart jumped in a way you didn’t think was possible from one silly kiss. It wasn’t anything indecent, but it was enough to make your knees go weak, and your breath stutter when he finally pulled away Steve pressed his forehead against yours, still cradling your face in his hands when he apologized.

"Sorry. I really love that laugh."

Your heart fluttered, and your fingers tightened around his wrists, hopeful it would be enough to keep you standing when the ground drops out from under you a second time.

"You kissed me because you love my laugh?"

Steve’s cheeks turned a pretty rosy color. His embarrassment wasn't enough to make him let you go just yet. "Yeah, I guess I did.”

You paused for a beat.

“How long have you wanted to do that?”

Steve smiled in that sweet, shy way you’ve always liked and whispered just loud enough for you to hear over the noise of the party and the fire raging next to you, “Pretty much from the moment I met you. I mean, It’s you, Y/n. Who wouldn’t want to kiss you?”

A bright grin stretched across your face, and you stepped back out of his hold, holding your hand out for him to take. Steve took your hand but pulled you back into his arms, this unusual display of confidence coming from him was disarming.

“I was thinking about heading home, but I’m suddenly starving. Wanna go get some cheese fries and drive me home?”

“Yeah, yeah, we can do that.I’ll go anywhere if I get to go with you,” Steve promised with a grin.

Your eyes snapped open, and you stared up at the guest room ceiling, trying to catch your breath without waking Bucky. You hated that thinking about that night, let alone dreaming about it and having to see it all play out. It used to be one of your favorite memories. You would beg Steve to replay the details as if he was reading from the pages of some silly storybook and now you couldn’t stand the slightest hint of that night. Your breath wasn’t steadying, it was only getting worse, and you could feel the panic building, clawing at your throat. You slowly slipped out of bed, leaving Bucky sleeping soundly and retreated to the safety of your room. Closing the door behind you, you flipped the lock, and your legs finally gave out from under you. You slid down the wall, unable to stop your tears you’ve been holding in since you woke.

Sam kept telling you to give it time. It would take time, lots of time to heal, but you didn’t think you could keep going on this way. Not when your own memories are there to torment you. You would give everything you had to simply forget. Forget it all -- his death, the phone call, all of your fights and the makeups, too. The bad and the good. You’d trade the memory of all his kisses if you could just let go of this hurt.

This wasn’t how fairytales were supposed to end, maybe it was all a lie from the start. Perhaps you were never meant to end with a happy ever after.

Previous // Next

#past!Steve Rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #alternate universe #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #tw: military death #tw: character death #tw: death of a spouse #tw: depression

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actorfrustration · 3 years

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Damned If I Do Ya

Title: Damned If I Do Ya Chapter: One-Shot Pairing: Pedro/OC Rating: M Fic Summary: Elaine is Pedro’s neighbor. They meet when he accidentally gets her food order.

[A/N - Written with @rav3n-pascal22. Yes the title is taken from an All Time Low song because I was struggling with a title and I was listening to them yesterday.]

Somewhere in New York, there’s a little suburban neighborhood. It’s relatively quiet aside for the block parties and barbecues.

My names Elaine and I live in the last house on the street. 22 and still living in the same house I grew up in. Sad right?

My life was easy. It’s alright, except I have the place to myself all the time. I don’t mind it as much anymore though.

As for my creators, their overworked zombies who don’t have much free time nowadays. I’ve gotten used to being alone. I almost prefer it now. I do chores whenever the mood strikes me.

Luckily my parents wire me money for food and groceries, but I wouldn’t need it anyway. I’m a Twitch streamer, so I make a fair amount of money from that. I don’t do much. I just mostly play video games in a pair of sweatpants and a sports bra.

Some days I just get on and talk to my friends. “Yeah, I still have the place to myself. Life is good,” I said, responding to the chat on my computer. You could practically feel the sarcasm in my tone.

My phone dinged, Uber Eats notifying me that my food had been delivered. I had been craving a chicken sandwich from Chipotle. I know that’s the most millennial thing ever, but hey, it’s good.

I got up and put on a hoodie before checking the door, but no one was there. I grabbed my phone and checked the app again. “Huh, this thing must be having issues. It says it’s here, but it’s not.”

I shut the door and was about to leave a review when there was a knock. I threw open the door and saw an older man standing there holding my order.

He was pretty attractive with chocolate brown eyes, slightly curly hair, and tanned skin. He had a nice mustache, a patchy beard, and naturally pouty lips.

“It’s about time. I was about leave a bad review on your page.”

“Umm, I’m your neighbor.”

I blushed in embarrassment. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry.”

The man laughed. “It’s okay.” He walked in without me inviting him in. Normally I would’ve been freaked out, but he seemed nice enough.

He set my food on the kitchen table and looked around. When he turned back to me, he smiled and said, “I’m Pedro.”

“Elaine.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you at home alone? Shouldn’t you be in school?”

I put my hands on my hips. “I’m 22 for your information.”

Pedro threw his hands up in surrender. “I meant no offense. Are you home alone a lot? I don’t see cars in the driveway very often.”

“My parents are workaholics. I think they just spend the nights in their offices.”

“I’m sorry. You must be very lonely.”

I shrugged. “I have my friends.” I pointed to my TV where he could the chat. “I stream nearly every day, so there’s always someone online.”

“I should let you eat. But if you ever need anything, I’m only a few doors down.”

“Thank you, Pedro. That means a lot.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was streaming a few days later when a new username popped up that I didn’t recognize. P-rascal45. I was used to random people dropping into my chat, but this one was different. They didn’t have a profile picture, so I had no idea what they looked like or how old they were.

P-rascal45: God, you’re gorgeous baby girl.

XxMinxyxX: Thank you.

P-rascal45: A body like yours deserves to be worshipped.

XxMinxyxX: Oh yeah?

I felt a little naughty doing this in my chat where everyone could see, but maybe if I encouraged it I would get more tips. I knew of some streamers that did naughty things to get more money while still posting their usual content.

XxMinxyxX: And what would you do to me?

P-rascal45: First, I’d take off that tight little bra of yours and suck on those pretty nipples until they’re hard and throbbing in pain.

I bit my lip and tried to contain the whimper building in the back of my throat. Heat was pooling between my legs. I’d never been this turned on in my life.

P-rascal45: Then I’d peel off those leggings of yours and wrap your legs around my waist. My hand would wrap around your throat cutting off the whimpers and moans that would be leaving your mouth. I wouldn’t even have to eat you out, because you’d be dripping already. Just like you are right now, aren’t you princess?

I couldn’t take it anymore. I logged off my stream without apologizing, trying to catch my breath. But the longer I sat there, the more brown eyes and pouty lips invaded my thoughts.

Could it have been him? How in the hell did he find me in the first place? He must have seen my username and found me that way.

I grabbed my phone and pulled up my Uber Eats app. I would be ordering a lot more in hopes it would get delivered to him on accident.

#Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro/oc #Jose Pedro Balmaceda Pascal

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

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Coach Cavill - Chapter 4

Summary: The Jung family are at a pumpkin patch and invite coach Cavill to join them.

Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 3.6k

Warnings: None

A/N: Since I’m not sure if the taglists work, I’m posting them in a reblog hopefully that works 🤷🏽‍♀️Also, I’m going to delete the Tumblr app on my phone and log out on my laptop for a few days, since I have some school stuff to do and Tumblr has proven itself to be very very very distracting. However, please continue to leave comments on my fics, questions or tag me in stuff, I’ll come back to it later! It’s just that I need to take a quick break from it, to focus on my schoolwork. I hope you understand and remember, I love you all 😘

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

After the match yesterday, multiple parents kept looking at me, as if I was the bad one, but when all in all it was Dean who ruined it all. Maybe that sounds childish, but it’s true. Since I really needed to forget about yesterday, I wanted to do something fun with the kids. That’s why I came up with the fantastic idea to go to the pumpkin patch with Benji and Isabella. We do that every year, but this is the first time after the divorce. It’s weird how activities we always did, suddenly seem like a first time ever since their dad and I split up.

We walk around the field, hoping to each find a pumpkin we want to carve out. ‘Mom, mom, mom,’ Isabella says. ‘I want that one.’ She jumps over the other pumpkins, but she can’t seem to lift her pick up. She pushes out her bottom lip, looking over her shoulder.

That’s all Benji needs to see. ‘I got it,’ he says, already walking to his little sister, lifting the pumpkin with ease. ‘How about you look for a spot?’ he suggests.

‘Okay.’

She skips to a table, her skirt dancing around her legs and when Benji walks by, I brush some hairs out of his eyes. ‘You’re a sweetheart, Benji,’ I tell him.

He smiles, a bright one even after what happened yesterday. After Dean left, he bounced right back and when we were at Eve’s place to celebrate his second place, he was fine. We didn’t bring up the elephant in the room—an elephant named his idiot father—but I felt like we shouldn’t do that in the first place. He ruined a lovely moment already at location, no need to bring that home with us. It’s just surprising that Benji isn’t taking this to heart. I wondered what changed, but I don’t need to wonder that long. I have a feeling that his new coach has everything to do with the change in behavior. After he got his silver medal, he walked up to Henry, showing his silver medal off, the biggest smile his face. It’s nice to see Benji happy, because since the moment I kicked their dad out of the house, his already shy personality, only intensified to a point where I was really worried about him.

‘I already saw one I want,’ Benji says, ‘so I’m bringing this one to Isabella and I’m picking mine, okay?’

‘Of course, sweetheart. I’m going to look for one too.’

I step over a few pumpkins, but I look over my shoulder to see Benji placing the pumpkin in front of Isabella, pinching her cheek. Isabella sees that as an invitation to jump up, right in his arms, causing her big brother to laugh.

I remember when I told him I was pregnant and he was going to have a little sister or brother. He was six at the time and he looked at me dead in the eye and said: ‘I hope I have a little sister.’

‘Why is that, sweetheart?’ I asked him.

He simply shrugged. ‘Because I feel I can teach a sister more than I can teach a brother.’ I had no clue what this kid was going on about, so when I asked him to explain, he simply smiled and said: ‘I can show her how her future husband should treat her.’

While I felt that he could teach a brother how he should treat a woman just fine, I felt my heart explode. Seeing their bond, always makes me so grateful that I have these wonderful kids. Their dad might be the biggest lowlife walking around on the planet earth, but they are the best that ever happened to me and I would do it all over again.

Even if that meant being with their dad again.

Benji grabs the pumpkin he wanted, before sitting down next to Isabella. They don’t start right away, but I know they want to, so I make a quick decision and grab a pumpkin. ‘You kids ready?’ I ask, when I sit across from them.

‘Yes, mom, we are!’ Isabella exclaims.

Benji stares in the distance and I snap my fingers in front of his eyes. ‘You’re here with us, Benji?’ I ask.

‘Coach Cavill!’ Benji jumps up and rushes passed me. I turn around, to see Benji running towards Henry, who has a huge dog standing next to him. Benji is pretty reserved when it comes to strangers. His former coach and he liked each other, sure, but it was never like this. This instant connection between my son and a coach, it’s unusual.

I feel like Benji is even closer to Henry than he is to his own father and what does that tell you? That Dean was a dick? That Henry is the male role model I always wanted to have for my kids? Or both?

My eyes nearly roll out of their sockets, when I see the most unexpected event happening right in front of me: Benji wraps his arms around Henry’s waist and I can’t exactly hear what he is saying, but Benji isn’t shutting up.

Henry smiles, patting Benji on his back, before pulling him in a headlock. He holds up his hand when he notices me gawking at the sight and I raise my hand to wave back at him. ‘Mom, is that Benji’s new coach?’ Isabella asks.

‘He is, sweetheart.’

‘You like him, don’t you?’

What a way to get exposed… ‘What?’ I ask her. ‘I mean, he is nice, of course.’

‘Well, you made him not one, but two sandwiches,’ Isabella says, before giggling. ‘You never make sandwiches for people you don’t like. When you and daddy were fighting, you’d never make him a sandwich the next morning.’

‘You should become a detective,’ I smile. ‘Sharp as a knife.’

Benji ushers Henry with him and he asks when he is close again: ‘Mom, can coach carve pumpkins with us?’

‘I really don’t want to intrude,’ Henry adds, but I shake my head and say: ‘No, no, you can join us. I think Isabella really wants to pet your dog and your presence is well appreciated.’

‘I do want to pet your dog,’ Isabella says. ‘He is cute.’

‘He sure is,’ Henry agrees. ‘His name is Kal.’

Isabella stands up from her seat and carefully pets the big furry dog. ‘Kal is soft. He kinda looks like a bear, don’t you think?’

‘I do think so too,’ he says.

‘Coach,’ Benji says and I barely recognize my own son, ‘you should grab a pumpkin.’

Henry looks at me, non verbally asking if I’m really okay with this and I give him a little nod, encouraging him to join us. I mean, I like this man a lot, I’ve been having pretty vivid dreams about him, so spending time with him is absolutely something I don’t mind.

He quickly grabs a pumpkin and places it on the table. ‘I’ve never carved a pumpkin before,’ he admits.

‘You haven’t?’ Isabella asks. ‘You are such a weirdo.’

‘Isabella,’ I say, using my stern teacher/mother voice. ‘You can’t just go around and call people weirdo’s.’

‘But you always call dad an idiot.’

Oh great… I’m setting a terrible example for my kids and now Henry is a witness of my wrong doings as a parent. Exactly the type of impression I want to make. ‘But that is different.’

‘How is that different?’ Isabella asks, cocking her eyebrow and now she is really testing me.

‘Well,’ Henry says, ‘your mom knows your dad. You barely know me. I think there is a difference in who you can call bad names.’

Isabella stares at the man sitting beside me, studying his face, before she nods. ‘Yeah, you’re right,’ she says. This girl agrees to someone outside own her family? What the hell is this man’s secret that my kids just simply accept him and like him? ‘Sorry, I called you weirdo, coach.’

‘That’s okay.’ The beautiful man who is sitting beside me, has a friendly smile on his face. ‘But, Jung family, show me how this is supposed to be done.’

✰ ✰ ✰

‘Mom, the skin is too thick,’ Isabella whines.

‘Let me help you, Isabella,’ Henry says, wiping his hands clean on the cloth, before standing up and walking around the table. He sits next to Isabella and saws out the part she was having trouble with. ‘You’re right,’ he admits, ‘the skin is pretty thick. You sure did pick out a good one.’

‘I have x-ray eyes.’ Isabella stands on the bench and she is approximately the same height as Henry is. Though she is eight, she is a pretty tiny girl, always has been and probably always will be. She wraps her arm around his neck, placing her cheek against the top of his head. ‘Coach,’ she says, ‘do you think my mommy is pretty?’

‘Don’t answer that,’ I tell him. ‘And Isabella, remember what I told you at least a dozen times already? Don’t go around and ask that to people. You’ve done that multiple times now and every time it’s harder and harder to talk myself out of it, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Isabella says with a shrug, ‘but you are really pretty and I think coach agrees with me.’

This girl… I don’t know who she’s got this attitude from, but sometimes I wish that she would just zip it from time to time.

‘Isabella is right,’ Benji decides to butt in. ‘You are really pretty, mom.’

This really isn’t the time to be blushing this hard right now.

‘See?’ Isabella has a smug smile on her face and whispers loudly in Henry’s ear so I can hear it too: ‘Do you agree with us? Just nod or shake your head.’

Henry chuckles, before nodding nearly shyly. If my face wasn’t fiery red already, it sure is now. ‘Anyways,’—Henry awkwardly clears his throat—‘I think yours is done, miss Isabella.’

‘Thank you very much.’ Isabella sits down on the bench again, while Henry helps out Benji with one thing on his pumpkin.

Henry is such an easy guy to be around with, that not only I feel comfortable with him, but my shy son and my sassy daughter feel so too. He sits down next to me again. ‘Need some help, Amelia?’

‘I’m okay,’ I say, but I can’t seem to move the knife anymore.

‘Let me help you,’ Henry offers.

‘You know,’ I say, pushing the pumpkin to him, ‘for someone who has never carved a pumpkin before, you sure are a pro at it.’

He actually gets the knife to move, but it pleases me to see that even he has some issues with it. Through his sweater, I can see how thick his arms are and my oh my, does this man look strong as hell. Am I hallucinating or is he flexing a little extra?

‘Excuse me,’ I hear a shy voice say and when I look up, I see it’s Hattie Fisher, the sixteen year old sweetheart who lives in the same street as us. ‘Miss Amelia?’

‘Hi Hattie,’ I say with a smile, ‘how are you?’

‘Good, thanks.’ She runs her fingers through her light blonde hair and I always thought that in combination with those doll like eyes, she’d have potential to become a very successful model. ‘I just have a question. Is this a right time or do you want me to come by tonight?’

‘Please, go ahead.’

‘For school we have to do this thing, where we check out a few professions and I wanted to try and work at a school. I was wondering whether or not I could go to your class.’

I nod. ‘Of course you can, honey. I would love to. When is this starting?’

‘Not until three weeks, but can I drop by tomorrow. Bring some paper work, if that’s okay with you.’

‘Yes, yes, of course,’ I say. ‘I would love for you to help me out a bit. They can be quite a bunch, so an extra pair of hands would be lovely.’

‘Thanks, miss Amelia, you’re the best. I feel like I could actually learn something when I’m with you. My dad wanted me to help him out, but that meant serving the old men at his office coffee the entire day and I feel like I’d die out of boredom.’

‘Oh honey,’ I say with a chuckle, ‘I had to do the exact same thing when I was still in high school and I went to work with my mom at the retirement home and after the third round of bingo, I was ready to to murder at least one elderly.’

Henry, Isabella and Benji start to laugh along with Hattie. ‘Kinda want to avoid that,’ Hattie says. ‘I’ve seen the men that my dad works with. Some just ask to be murdered.’

I wholeheartedly agree, because I have been to mister Fishers office a few times, since mister Fisher himself was my lawyer to get me through the divorce and while he is a lovely man, his colleagues are terrible.

‘Hattie, what’s with the camera?’ Isabella asks.

‘Oh, my mom wants to have some new pictures for the towns Instagram, so you know how she is: sending me out there to document everything, while she takes takes the credits.’ Hattie nearly rolls her eyes. ‘Oh, Bella, this one actually looks really good.’

‘Why do you sound so surprised?’ Isabella asks, as the teen is taking a few pictures of our pumpkins.

Hattie curls her lips inside. ‘Well, when I was your age, I could barely draw something decent on a pumpkin, let alone carve it out, like you did. It’s quite impressive really. Since I’m here, you guys mind if I take a picture of you?’

‘Sure,’ I say, ‘if you don’t mind…?’ I carefully look to the side, to Henry, who simply shakes his head and says: ‘I absolutely don’t.’

‘Okay, say pumpkin,’ Hattie chuckles, before snapping a picture of us. ‘Looks really good. You mind if I post these on Instagram later?’

‘I don’t,’ I say.

Henry shakes his head. ‘Of course not, Hattie.’

The blonde teen smiles brightly. ‘Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then, miss Amelia. Thanks again for helping me out.’

‘Not a problem, Hattie. I’ll sign off on all sorts of paperwork, but we’ll discuss that tomorrow.’

✰ ✰ ✰

While I’m making tea, I hear Isabella and Benji talking Henry’s ear off, as his dog Kal is joining me in the kitchen. It lightens up my mood to see them so at ease with someone else outside of their familiar circle. I’m not surprised that Isabella is instantly fond of him, but Benji keeps on surprising me. He is seeking approval from Henry, something he never did with his father. He asked us if we both liked his pumpkin and I could see the worried look in his eyes when Henry was pretending he had to think about it.

Maybe this is way too premature, but seeing him in my house, it just fits. I never had a dog, because Dean was allergic and we’ve been together since I was nineteen. My parents never wanted a dog, until I moved out at age fifteen. All of the sudden they were experiencing empty nest syndrome and got themselves a tiny little toy poodle.

But this enormous dog in my house, it just matches perfectly.

‘Is this your mom?’ Henry asks, pointing at a picture on the wall.

‘Mhm,’ Isabella says, ‘she used to be in a K-Pop group.’

‘No way.’

‘Tea is ready,’ I say.

Benji walks in and sits on the kitchen island. ‘Mom was the main vocalist and visual of the group.’

Henry leans against the counter, thanking me for the tea. ‘Really? I can imagine what a vocalist is, but what exactly is the visual of the group?’

‘The prettiest,’ Isabella explains. ‘She is obviously the prettiest.’ She sits next to me on a stool and gives me a kiss on my cheek. ‘She was really good. Mom, you should sing something.’

‘No, not today.’

‘She was in the group ‘Forever Hope’, so you should check it out on YouTube,’ Isabella says. ‘I want to become a K-Pop idol too one day.’

I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her closer to me. ‘But I continue to tell her that it’s hard work and this little girl is as lazy as they get.’

‘That’s not true!’

‘It’s true,’ Benji agrees with a chuckle.

Henry takes a sip of his tea, his eyes not leaving me once. ‘Well, your mom is full surprises.’

‘Did you know she used to do judo too?’ Benji asks. ‘I’ve got it from her.’

‘I did not know that,’ Henry says, the smile on his face a bit bigger than before.

Despite living in the public eye for two years, I don’t want all the attention to be focused on me. ‘Not to be a party pooper,’ I say, ‘but I’m gonna be one, because it’s my job as your mother. Benji, Isabella, did you finished your homework?’

‘No,’ he whispers, while Isabella shakes her head.

‘You know what to do,’ I chuckle.

Isabella nods, takes a cookie and jumps off the stool. ‘Bye coach,’ she says, ‘thank you for carrying the pumpkins back home.’

‘No problem, kid,’ he says, giving her a high five as she passes.

‘Thanks coach,’ Benji says and they have this cool handshake I wasn’t aware of and I hide my smile when Benji chases Isabella up the stairs.

‘Your kids are lovely,’ Henry says.

‘There sure are. Listen, Henry, thank you for today.’ I scratch the big dog behind his ear. ‘I know I keep saying this, but… It’s good for them to have a male role model that is there for them.’

‘My pleasure.’

‘So, what brought you to Luna Meadows?’ I ask him, not wanting to talk about my divorce or anything related again.

‘I was in a desperate need of a change a scenery.’

‘Why?’ I ask.

‘I just needed to get out of there, before I totally lost my mind.’

‘Where are you from then?’

‘Jersey,’ he answers. ‘It was just… Too much at one point.’

My mom and teacher instincts kick in, because I can sense he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. ‘Well, we’re very lucky to have you here. It’s good every now and then to shake things up a bit.’

‘It sure is.’ He wraps his hand around the mug and while it’s the biggest one in our house, it looks like an espresso cup in his hands. ‘Back at the game you told me you were not here from your fifteenth till eighteenth. Had that something to do with you being a K-Pop idol?’

I nod. ‘Yeah, that was my change of scenery.’

He smiles. ‘Must’ve been hard.’

I can’t do anything but to agree. ‘Yeah, especially since I wasn’t planning on becoming an idol. I was just an exchange student, but I was approached by a company when I was at a fan sign with a friend.’

‘And you became a main vocalist, that must’ve been pretty important.’

‘It is, you kinda have to carry the entire song. Not that I sang all the time, but the chorus, mainly me, just like the high notes, adlibs, stuff like that.’

Henry nods. ‘And being a visual, must’ve been hard too.’

‘That too. It’s an insane amount of pressure, always having to be picture perfect,’ I say. ‘I mean, I don’t want to complain. It was such a great time in my life, an amazing opportunity. And every time Isabella says she wants to do this too, I just hope that one day she comes to terms that it’s hard work and… That it was terrible from time to time.’

Henry leans with his underarms on the counter. ‘How was it terrible?’

‘The days were so long, filled with training, singing and dancing and performing,’ I say, ‘I had to maintain my figure and… I don’t want to complain, because it was amazing. I had eight girls around me, who were going through the same thing. I was never alone.’

‘You still speak to them?’

‘Occasionally,’ I say. ‘Most of them are still in the industry. They barely have time.’ I feel warm tears running over my cheeks. ‘Oh shit, sorry, there I go again. I’m sorry, you must think I’m an emotional wreck, a terrible example for her kids.’

Henry chuckles. ‘Amelia, that’s not true. You’re not an emotional wreck, you’re just in touch with your emotions. You’re an amazing example for your kids. Yesterday…’ he starts, clearing his throat. ‘You did what any mother would’ve done. You stood up for your son and that is more than admirable.’ He looks at the clock. ‘Ah, shoot, I’ve gotta go.’

‘Oh yes, of course.’

‘I really had fun today. The Jung family is a fun one to hang out with.’

A chuckle leaves my lips. ‘We sure are.’

‘Can you hold onto Kal for me, then I’ll go and say goodbye to Benji and Isabella.’

I nod. ‘Sure, yes. Their names are on the doors and please don’t look into the bathroom. I collect the laundry there and I might have forgotten to do it since Thursday.’

‘Copy that,’ Henry chuckles and he rushes up the stairs, taking two steps at the time. I hear faint voices in the back, some laughter, while I give Kal some scratches and kisses. Henry comes back down and says: ‘Well, I really wish I could stay, but I’ve gotta go. I’m sorry.’

‘Save your apologizes for when it’s really needed,’ I say.

He smiles. ‘Right, I’ll work on that. I’ll see you tomorrow at practice, Amelia.’

‘Want me to bring you a sandwich?’ I ask.

‘I’m never saying no to a sandwich made by the fantastic Amelia Jung.’

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x amelia jung #amelia jung #asian ofc #Coach Cavill #coach!henry cavill

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ozzy-bozzy · 3 years

Text

My Heart’s On Fire

Dabi x Reader

desc. You and Dabi light a fire and make s’mores together

genre. Domestic fluff, slightly spicy undertones/inferences

warnings: none, light cursing and a whole lotta pet names. Its also mostly gender neutral except I did use ‘girlfriend’ one or two times.

word count. 1158 words

A/N I’m sorry it’s late!! I promise I’ll catch up with the fics, I just couldn’t post yesterday or today because I was grieving :(( But! I think now more then ever is the best time to develop new habits and what better then writing festive fics! I’m not sure now good this one is, I’ve never written for Dabi but I’m the biggest Dabi simp you will ever meet. How ironic.

You had excitedly gone to the store earlier and grabbed the biggest marshmallows, chocolate bars, and box of graham crackers that you could possibly find. As you unlock your front door, you start to realize all the flaws in the plan you didn’t actually put any thought into.

You were craving s'mores. Badly. You had seen a cute recipe online for a s’mores cake and you realized you haven’t had s’mores in years. So, this is why you find yourself standing in your kitchen with a bag full of s'mores ingredients and no clue what to do with them.

You bit your lip and looked around but it wasn’t like you were going to find a solution. You needed a fire to make s’mores, properly at least. Once you had bought the s’mores stuff you realized why this was such a problem. You had a fireplace in your house, sure, but you were never the one who started the fire. That honor was left to your boyfriend, Dabi, who was currently not home and you had no idea when he would be back from whatever the hell he was doing. And you were not willing to wait that long if you had any say in it.

It’s just a simple fire!! Cavepeople did this all day. How hard could it really be? I don’t need his stupid quirk to do this, you figured. You set the grocery bag down on the counter and went to grab a lighter in your kitchen drawer. You made your way over to the fireplace and kneeled down before it. You bit your lip and wracked your brain for what could possibly be next. You understood the concept, there needs to be fuel, the wood that was sitting in a neat pile, and there needed to be a spark, the lighter you were holding. But it feels like there’s more to it, right? Honestly, you started to feel a little stupid because it felt like such basic knowledge, but you were determined to figure it out yourself. You didn’t need to look it up on your phone, and least of all you didn’t need your pyromaniac of a boyfriend to tease you for eternity because you couldn’t do something he can do with the palm of his hands at will. That, you decided, you definitely didn’t need.

After fiddling around with the logs for a good fifteen minutes and not getting them to light, you realized there should probably be something to start a fire, something smaller and more flammable. If that didn’t work you were just having cold s’mores. You had grabbed a few things you might be able to light up pretty easily, and tried those one by one. And one by one they proved to be unsuccessful. You just let out an aggravated puff of air and pouted at the fire.

Breaking your intense glare at the fire which, if looks could do anything, that fire would be blazing right now, was the jiggling of your front door. Which meant Dabi was home. Which meant now you had to confess to him about how you, his adorable little girlfriend, couldn’t start a simple fire. You didn’t think you had it in you.

He walked through the front door, stripping out of his black coat and shaking it off a bit, it had traces of snow across the shoulders and collar. While you were inside struggling with the logs it had started to snow. He looked around a bit before his cerulean eyes settled on your pouting form. From the look on your face alone he knew he had something to tease you about tonight. He sauntered over and looked down at you, his hands shoved in his pockets,

“What are you doing all pouty on the floor like that, baby?” He smirked.

You kept your gaze down, mumbling something he couldn’t quite catch,

“What was that? You’re going to need to speak up, dollface”

You sighed, crossed your arms, and said,

“I can’t start a fire.” And in response, he just started laughing. How kind of him.

“Wait really? Is that all? Baby, how long have you been sitting here struggling? You know you could have just called or texted me and I would have been over to help you lil’ mousey” He grabbed another log and placed it on top of the pile and held his palm against it. You could see small streaks of smoke starting to slip out from between his fingers. You glanced up at him and he was staring back at you, that ever confident, shit-eating smirk plastered across his face. Your gaze snapped back to the fire, your cheeks growing warm. Small blue flames began growing and soon enough the fireplace was alight with bright blue flames. You stared in wonder and giggled happily before gasping and jumping up to run to the kitchen. Dabi had no idea what the hell you were doing now.

You quickly grabbed the grocery bag off the counter and went back to the fire and Dabi. You sat back down and tugged on his clothes so he would sit down next to you. You pulled out all the s’mores stuff and showed it to him and he just scoffed,

“Really? You just wanted to make s’mores? Damn, I thought it was just to set the mood or some shit. You don't need a fireplace to make s’mores y’know, there more practical ways--”

“I wanted a genuine s’mores experience!! I wanted the fire and everything!” He just rolled his eyes and watched you set up the first s’more.

He continued to watch you happily roast away at the marshmallows and make s’more after s’more. Every time you couldn’t get a marshmallow roasted the way you wanted you looked to him and he would provide a smaller flame that was easier to manage and you could roast it to perfection. You also kept asking him to eat one with you but he never complied, always saying how they were too messy or that they’re too sweet. You weren’t having any of that.

“Please!! Just one!! I made it for you and everything!!”

“No, I already told you I don’t want a stupid s’more”

“Please!! It would make me so happy!”

“....”

“Dabi!!”

“Fine! If it gets you to stop all your incessant whining.” He grabbed the waiting s’more from your hands and almost had to pretend he didn’t actually enjoy it.

You both sat together enjoying the fire for a bit longer, steadily entertaining yourselves by making more s'mores. That is until you had a thought.

“Y’know Dabi, we don’t have to use the fire just to make s’mores…” He narrowed his eyes at your sly comment.

“Oh yeah? What else did you have in mind, baby?”

“Well, you did suggest we set the mood”

“Say no more, mousey” His signature smirk was back, as he leaned in closer to you, capturing you in a heated kiss.

#dabi x reader #dabi #touya todoroki #touya x you #dabi x you #dabi todoroki #mha #my hero academia #bnha #touya todoroki x reader #touya x reader #todoroki #christmas fic

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chaletnz · 3 years

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Furano Trip

To make the most of my two days off I decided to drive to Furano after finishing work, to ensure I would be able to see the lavender first thing in the morning. I packed up the car and had a shower, then headed off. About 5 minutes after leaving home, I approached a cat sitting calmly in the middle of my lane, I screeched to a stop and the cat didn’t run so I rolled over the top and then it must’ve slunk away. It was enough to give me a fright, I drove a little slower from that point on since I was still in town. Well, after clearing Kutchan town I was on a country road on the way towards the mountains and the second cat was not as lucky... He darted out from a farmhouse and I saw his little ginger face in the split second before he bounced into the right front tyre. There was a bit of a thud but no bump. He ran off into the bushes. Very shakily I pulled over and went to investigate, there was a woman there who could speak English and she said she had seen him run down into the bushes surrounding the farm. I left with an eerie feeling that maybe I should go back home and drive tomorrow, like these cats were meant to be a sign. I drove on for about an hour, my lights on highbeam and my eyes on high alert – I was more concerned about deer now. I pulled over after another hour or so and sent a message to my mum just in case the universe was conspiring, and then the spookiest part... As I was sitting in the car recording my message, a third cat came running towards me! In the middle of nowhere! Very carefully I drove around it and back on to the road and that was thankfully the last cat I saw on the drive. After that it was smooth, I stopped for a late night McDonald’s at Chitose and then drove on until I found a nice big parking lot with a 24 hour toilet. There were bugs everywhere in the heat of a warm summer’s night, flying around the lights of the toilet building. I slept quite well all things considered.

The next morning I woke up around 6am when the heat in the car simply became too much to bear. It was gearing up to be at least 30 degrees today. Somehow the exact time I wanted to use the bathroom there was a cleaning crew surrounding it and I could just quickly brush my teeth and wash my face before leaving. I started by visiting a large campground park that I had intended on staying at last night but didn’t quite reach there, and luckily I hadn’t because it was a crowded carpark with a far worse toilet! I drove up to the first lavender field of the day, Choei Lavender Farm. There was a winding road up the back to reach a mountaintop viewpoint overlooking the lavender and the Kamifurano township. I battled to take some videos with my GoPro that seemed to be struggling in the heat already – by 8am it was already 28 degrees. Japan doesn’t do daylight savings so it means that sunrise is about 3am in summer so the hottest part of the day is earlier in the morning than you would expect. I parked down at the bottom of this farm and took a few more photos although it wasn’t possible to get a good angle of the word “Kamifurano” spelled out in Hiragana in large lettering filled with colourful flowers. I decided to get some gas because Kimbo was already thirsty again, and then arrived at Farm Tomita just before 9am. As Google maps directed me there, she made sure to inform me “this destination will be closed when you arrive” but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to wait for 10 minutes in the carpark. Well it seemed that the Japanese had the same idea! The main parking lot was already full and the parking attendant waved his lightsaber to guide me right down to the back lot. Furano has great flower fields but not much shade so poor Kimbo had to suffer in the sun while I went for a walk around. By now it was 30 degrees and humid. Japanese people carried umbrellas and wore full length sleeves in the heat. Many people were dressed up in their Sunday best to take family photos in the lavender with a bouquet purchased from the gift shop for 500 yen. Dogs were posed for photos and then taken back into the shade where they could lie down. I took my photos and walked around the perimeter but it was far too hot for me so I had to browse in one of the air conditioned gift shops to cool down. I tried to walk up the side of one of the more shady lavender fields but it was deceivingly steep and I struggled to get halfway! It was time for an ice cream break by 9.30am, and of course I had to try the lavender ice cream again. It was a soft purple colour, with a mild taste and started dripping immediately. Luckily there was a shady seat to sit and eat it and appreciate the views of Kamifurano and the mountains in the distance. In winter Furano is also a hugely popular ski resort that is often paired with Niseko for longer snowsports trips. To distract my thoughts, a child squeaked in with those annoying shoes that sound like you’re standing on a plush toy squeaker with every step. All heads turned to look at the child, who promptly trips up and starts scream-crying uncontrollably. And now my relaxing ice cream break was ruined. I walked around a little bit more and bought a few postcards and lavender things to send home then sat down for a drink and a potato croquette for an early lunch. I had been waiting around for a bit because I wanted to visit a café nearby that opened only at 12pm. It was relaxing anyway to sit and watch Japanese people enjoying the lavender and trying to get the best photos when the entirety of the scene is purple!

I drove to Kamifurano town and parked at the post office as I couldn’t find any free parking lots near the Polar Coffee café, I withdrew some cash and then walked there as a loud alarm sounded through the city – presumably a test as no one seemed even mildly concerned. On Instagram yesterday I’d seen that my colleagues Tim and Nick had come to this café which is owned by a Taiwanese guy (they’re also Taiwanese) and it had a good vibe from their photos so I was determined to try! It was even better than expected, I ordered a flat white and it was not only very Instagrammable but also cheaper than anywhere in Niseko. Cooling down in the air conditioned café was also a highlight. After my coffee I made the long drive to Asahikawa to see a rice field. But not just any rice field, one planted very carefully with different varieties of rice that had coloured shoots. The reason I made this long drive just for a rice field is because the second half of July is the perfect time to view such rice fields - the rice shoots have grown in and are brightly coloured at this time. I was very proud of myself as I directed myself to the field. Although a lot of people online said it was so hard to find, I had no trouble at all. Actually my Google map would have led me exactly there but I followed some signposts instead that said “tanbo art” on them in Japanese, and the reason I was so proud – I could actually read what it said! I was the only person there so I parked where I pleased and climbed up the viewing platform to see the art. Unfortunately the field was so wide that it was hard to take a photo of the entire thing, even with panorama! The design changes each year and this time it was a couple of anime characters, there was also something written way off to the left that wasn’t really visible from the platform and I could only see “2021” and some squashed Japanese characters from the ground. Anyhow, it was a very unique attraction and I was glad I had made the trip to see it. My next destination was the Ningle Terrace; a series of log cabin-esque boutique shops arranged along a wooden walkway in the forest. If my phone wasn’t so terrible with capturing greenery then it would’ve been another Instagram-worthy place to see but other than a cool photos the souvenirs were quite expensive and many of the shops were closed anyway. I took a long drive from Furano to Obihiro for tomorrow’s adventure and stopped at a mall for a KFC dinner. Usually Japanese KFC is great, but this one had unfriendly staff and they gave me a half frozen burger which I had to send back for a fresh one. I bought a few supermarket supplies and then drove towards the small Obihiro airport once it was dark to find a suitable parking space for the night. I passed the airport parking lot as it there were too many floodlights which would make it hard to sleep, further up the road there was a small shoulder so I stayed there in the pitch black instead, with a nice forest on either side. I got out of the car to change into my shorts to sleep but I heard rustling in the bushes and freaked out! Instead I changed inside with the doors locked. I felt a little uneasy falling asleep as there had been searchlights beaming around the sky that I’d assumed were to find intruders sneaking into the abandoned Gluck Kingdom theme park and I worried someone would knock on my car window and tell me to move on. Of course I didn’t want to get caught on my urban exploring but I thought “you would have to be absolutely insane to venture in there at night”. As it turned out though, the lights were for the airport perimeter security and nothing to do with the theme park coincidentally located about a kilometre opposite.

#Japan #Furano

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slytherinbarnes · 4 years

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Sub Rosa [18]

v. human trials

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 4.3k

Warnings: Violence, mass murder, fighting, language, blood, death. A slightly spicy moment.

Summary: Finn goes off the rails, and you arrive just in time to witness the aftermath.

a/n: one day late on posting this, bc yesterday was just....not the day for me, so apologies! it’s starting to get crazy for our friends in the 100, so I hope y’all are ready! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

You stoke the fire, and the flames rise a little higher, sharing their warmth. You lean back against the fallen tree behind you, turning towards the cave when you hear someone leave, smiling when your gaze falls on Bellamy. He smiles back and settles down beside you. “They’re both asleep.”

You hum in response. “Where’s Octavia?”

“Keeping watch.” He’s silent for a minute, before he reaches over and grabs your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. You look down and smile, before turning your gaze to search his face. “I really am sorry about earlier and not agreeing with you at first about Mel.”

“I think you made up for it when you lowered yourself over the side of a mountain.”

His fingers trace patterns over the back of your hand, and you close your eyes and drink in the feeling of his skin touching yours. You feel electrified, every nerve awake from his body being so close to yours. He shifts beside you and you open your eyes to find him turned towards you, facing you fully. His eyes rove over your face, mapping it, and you do the same with him, cataloging each cut and bruise from the last few days that mars his skin.

He reaches up and brushes a bruise that darkens your cheekbone, fingers tracing over it lightly. You lean into his touch, and he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.”

You smile, melting from his words, melting beneath his gaze, and he leans forward, closing the space between you. You allow him to press his lips to yours, and his kisses are soft at first, so soft that you wonder if you’re imagining the whole thing. But when you peek one eye open and see his face close to yours, you know you aren’t dreaming.

After a while, his kisses grow hungry, his lips pressing harder against yours. You open your mouth to catch your breath, and he uses the opportunity to slip his tongue inside your mouth. As soon as your tongues meet, a fire starts to grow within you, and your hands start to roam up to his hair, where you give a light tug, causing him to moan into your mouth. You swallow it greedily as his hands drop from your face, skating down your neck, over your back and chest, before settling on your waist. He tugs you towards him, lifting you slightly until you are sitting in his lap, straddling him, one leg on either side of him.

His lips shift from your mouth, over your chin and down to your neck, where he latches onto the sensitive spot there. A breathy moan slips past your lips, which only seems to encourage him harder as he nips and laves over the spot. You almost let out another moan when you hear a throat clearing behind you. You and Bellamy fly apart, and you jump from his lap and stand, both of you looking embarrassed about being caught. Octavia smirks at you both and Bellamy pulls himself to his feet, stammering, “Uh, I’ll go stand watch. You two get some rest.” And he practically scurries off, leaving you and Octavia alone. She walks towards you and you hope the dark of the night hides your blush as she settles down against the log, patting the spot beside her. You lower yourself down, avoiding eye contact. “So.”

“So.”

“You and my brother.”

It’s not a question, but you answer like it is. “Yes.”

“Hm.” She doesn’t say anything else, just gazes in the direction Bellamy left in.

“It’s still new.”

She reaches out and grabs your hand. “He deserves to be happy. You deserve to be happy. And I think you're good for him, so I approve.”

You’re more pleased than you thought you’d be to hear the words, and you let out a quiet laugh. “Well, I’m glad we have your approval.”

You’re both quiet for a minute, before she tugs on your hand, and you turn towards her. “Is that why you didn’t go with Finn to find Clarke?”

“Yes and no.” She looks confused, so you add, “Honestly, I'm a little scared of Finn right now. He went a little...off the rails once we lost Clarke and the others.”

You pull your hand free from hers and push your sleeve up your arm, revealing the bruises. Octavia gasps, “Finn did that?”

“Not on purpose. But yes.” You take in a deep breath, and let it out as a sigh. “I just didn’t want to be alone with him, even if it meant finding Clarke. I’d rather be a few days late to the party and have other people with me, just in case.”

She nods in understanding, and you stifle a yawn. She laughs and motions towards the cave. “You should probably get some rest, we have a long walk ahead of us tomorrow.”

“You’re probably right.” You stand, stretching out your limbs, before you start to step away. You pause and turn towards your dark haired friend, giving her a smile. “I’m glad you’re back, Octavia.”

“Yeah, me too.”

And then you both wave goodnight before you head into the cave and settle in beside Mel and Monroe, letting sleep take you.

Much of the walk back to Camp Jaha consists of catching up with Octavia, and hearing all about the things she’s seen since you last saw each other at the battle at the dropship. She tells you about Lincoln and Nyko, fighting the Reapers, and the few bits of Grounder culture that Lincoln had taught her before she lost him. You take it all in with excitement, despite the sadness you have about Octavia losing Lincoln.

It’s near midday when the terrain starts to look familiar, and the sounds of camp reach your ears. Everyone lowers their weapons and puts them away, not wanting to be seen as a threat as you burst through the treeline and out into the open, following the path to the front gates. Up ahead, you can hear Guards jumping into action, training their guns on you. You send up a silent prayer that Shumway isn’t among them. As the gate opens, the guards start to yell, “Weapons. We need your weapons!”

Bellamy and Mel pass through first, and he gives up his pistol. You and Monroe hand over the rifles, but Octavia keeps the sword strapped to her back. They don’t press her for it. Your mom jogs up to the group, ignoring you all and focusing on the injured girls. She reaches Mel first, reaching up to brush the hair from her face. “I know you. Factory station. Where are the others?”

Mel whispers back, “There are no others.”

Bellamy drops his arm from around her, and turns to your mom. “Found her a day from here. No survivors. Lots of supplies.”

“Get her to medical.”

You and Octavia step forward with Monroe, and your mom reaches out for her, taking her hand. You see a pin on her jacket glinting in the sun, but you don’t get a chance to ask her about it, because she’s already turned and heading back to medical, thinking only of the injured. You look at Bellamy, about to say something, when you hear the sound of feet thundering towards you. You turn just in time for someone to collide with you, and your mouth stretches into a grin when your eyes catch on a head of golden hair. She whispers your name, and you feel tears prick your eyes. “Clarke.”

She pulls away to look at you, and you feel your expression harden when you see the cuts and bruises all over her face, but she gives you a watery smile, making you forget. “I thought you were dead.”

You shake your head and pull her in for another hug, shocked that she’s here, shocked that she’s alive. She pulls away and gives Bellamy and Octavia equally strong hugs, all of you happy to be alive and reunited. As you watch the reunion, Raven steps up beside Clarke, crutch under her arm and brace secured over her leg. You feel a pang of sorrow in your chest and you reach forward to hug her, happy that she made it through the surgery. When you pull back, Bellamy is turning towards Clarke. “How many are with you?”

“None.” Your face falls, and you see Bellamy and Octavia’s do the same. Clarke looks behind you, and then around you, before her eyes meet yours, searching. “Where’s Finn?”

You shake your head, thinking of Finn, unhinged, looking for your twin. “Looking for you.”

Her face falls, and she thinks a moment before reaching out to grab your hand. “Mom is the Chancellor.”

“What?”

She nods at the others, “C’mon, we need to tell her everything. We have to get to Finn and we have to get back to Mount Weather.”

Four heads whip towards her at the same time, shocked. “Mount Weather?”

“I’ll explain everything, let’s go.”

She pulls you towards the Medical tent, already talking of Mount Weather and escape plans.

An hour later, you, Bellamy, and Clarke stand outside of the council’s meeting room, waiting, pacing. Clarke told them everything, about Mount Weather, and the harvesting chambers, and the Grounders. And you and Bellamy filled them in on everything you had seen and witnessed, leaving out the parts about Finn losing his mind. Because they don’t need to know right now. Because we protect our own.

Finally, when it seems like a lifetime has passed, the council exits their meeting, and you and Clarke approach your mother, expectant. Bellamy lingers behind you, still pacing. “Well?”

She turns to Clarke with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but they’re on their own.”

Clarke shakes her head and you make a sound of protest. “What? No. You can't just cut them loose!”

She adopts the Mother Tone. “Sweetheart, we don't have the manpower to send out two separate rescue missions and protect our camp.”

“They're in trouble,” you cut in, forcing your mom to look at you. “They’re either gonna get themselves killed or they're gonna make things worse with the Grounders.”

“Who we need to get our people out of Mount Weather,” Clarke adds.

She looks between you both, “I know you both feel this is unfair. But our priority has to be with Chancellor Kane if there is any hope for peace.”

“If you wanted peace, you shouldn't have killed the only Grounder who was gonna help us.” Your twin’s voice is hard, and she glances over at Major Byrne, who is standing nearby listening.

“I’m sorry. The decision's been made.”

Bellamy stops pacing, and steps forward to join the conversation, jaw clenching with anger. “You’re sorry? Finn and Murphy are out there looking for Clarke with guns you gave us, and now she's home, you're just going to abandon them? If you can't spare the guards, we know the terrain, we have a map. We can do it ourselves.”

You and Clarke start nodding, agreeing with him, but she immediately shoots him down. “Absolutely not.”

“Mom-”

She cuts Clarke off, voice hitching with emotion. “I just got you both back!”

And before either of you can argue, Jackson comes running down the hall, stopping beside your mom, looking sheepish. “Abby. I’m sorry, we need you in medical.”

You glare at her and step back. “You better go.”

She appraises you, and then Clarke, picking up on both of your anger and frustration, and as her gaze bounces between the pair of you, she yells, “Byrne? No one leaves this camp.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

She gives you one last hard look before brushing past, and you grab Clarke’s hand and pull her over to Bellamy, the three of you standing close. You look at each of them, and set your jaw. “We’re leaving this camp.”

They both nod, and Clarke adds, “And we’re gonna need guns.” She steps away, “I’ll go find Raven and Octavia.”

“We’ll go get supplies. Meet at the back of the camp, behind the prison.”

And then you break apart, leaving Clarke to head towards the engineering station, while you and Bellamy search for packs and food.

Less than an hour later, you and Bellamy are standing behind the prison, waiting, when Raven walks up and sets down a large duffel bag. “I scored you a couple extra clips.”

Bellamy reaches in the bag and starts pulling out weapons when Clarke jogs up to join you. “Hey. Our mom's in surgery and the team going after Kane just left. We should, too.”

Bellamy hands you a gun while he looks at your twin. “Did you find Octavia?”

“No. I found you.” You all turn at the sound of her voice, watching as she jogs closer to you. She comes to a stop beside her brother. “I’m not letting you leave here without me.”

Behind you, Clarke starts, “Octavia-”

“Finn and Murphy are headed for Lincoln's village. I’ve been there. Have you?” She turns and looks at Clarke. “Has she?”

Bellamy tips his head to the side, a smirk on his face. “You done?”

You bend down and pick up the backpack at your feet, passing it to him so he can offer it to her. She eyes it with suspicion. “What’s this?”

“Your pack.” She smirks at him and takes it, and he holds out his arm in front of him. “Lead the way.”

She steps towards the fence, and you start to follow, but Raven holds out her crutch, blocking her path. “Whoa. Not so fast, Pocahontas.”

She touches her crutch to the fence and it sparks with electricity. You turn to Bellamy, your brows lifted, and mutter, “That’s new.”

“I thought you said it was handled.”

Raven turns to Clarke. “It is.” She pulls a radio from her pocket and lifts it. “Shut her down, Wick.”

She waits a minute and then tests the fence again, and this time, there is no reaction. She smirks, “Handled.”

Octavia tosses her pack through the fence and ducks through, and you all follow, immediately heading toward the trees, using them for cover. You run through the woods for a few miles, before slowing to a walk. The sky grows darker earlier than usual, and a rumble of thunder tells you why.

You smile when the first drop touches your skin, still just as in love with the rain as the first time you saw it, months ago, when Bellamy was still a jerk and Wells was alive. You wish he could be here to see everything now. Because despite not knowing him well, you know he was a good man. He protected you and Clarke from the truth about your mother, and your father’s death. Too bad he didn’t realize it was your fault all along. Because I’m cursed.

Bellamy pulls you from your thoughts when he reaches out to grab your hand, lacing your fingers together. “What are you thinking about?”

You shake your head, dislodging the bad memories, only focusing on the good as you smile at him. “The first thunderstorm.” You see his smile lift and you ask, “Do you remember it? After your talk with Wells?”

You see his face fall a little at the name and his smile grows sad, but he nods. “I wish he was here to see this.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.”

You both keep walking in silence, following behind Octavia and Clarke, watching the way the rain falls through the thick canopy of trees and soaks the ground below. After a while, the rain lets up, and the sky grows darker, this time with the setting sun. You shiver a little as night falls and the air grows cooler. Bellamy drops your hand to shrug off his jacket and drape it over your shoulders, and you push your arms through the sleeves, smiling in appreciation. He looks around before turning to you. “I think we should stop for the night, get some rest.”

You smirk, “Whatever the hell you want.”

He laughs, surprised, before calling ahead to the others and relaying the message. They both agree, and soon you have a makeshift camp, complete with a fire. After everyone has eaten, Octavia is the first to lay down, already fast asleep before her head hits her makeshift pillow. You see Bellamy’s lids drop, and you fight back a smile. “I’ll keep watch.”

“No, I’m-”

You cut him off, “Bellamy, seriously. I’ve got it.”

“Wake me up in a few hours, and I’ll take over.”

“I will.”

He lays down beside a log, facing the fire, and you watch him drift off to sleep. Clarke leans against you, watching the fire. You sit in silence for a long while, enjoying each other's presence when you suddenly remember. “Oh.”

You pull up your sleeve, revealing the watch, and take it off your wrist, before reaching out to grab Clarke’s arm. She lets you take it and reattach the watch, now with its rightful owner and situated beside her bracelet. Your brows lift when you see it. “Mom gave it back to you?”

“Yeah, right after she stitched me up. They took her necklace too, because when I woke up, it was gone.”

“We didn’t see it with the bracelet or the watch.”

She nods, before she suddenly sits up and turns to you. “Earlier, when you were telling Mom about Finn and the Grounder you kidnapped, I felt like you were leaving something out.”

“I was.” She looks at you, expectant, and you let out a sigh. “He killed the Grounder. We were all arguing about what to do with him, when Finn just picked up his gun and executed him like it was nothing. Then he walked away, acting like he hadn’t just killed a man in cold blood.”

“That doesn’t sound like Finn.”

“It doesn’t. But losing you, and the others, the war… It changed him, Clarke. He’s not the same peacekeeping Spacewalker that we met on that first day.”

She turns away from you, glancing over the fire and out into the woods around you. “We’ve all changed.”

You shake your head, “Not like this.”

She says nothing, thinking it over and you both resume your earlier silence before she eventually lays down beside you. “I’m gonna get some sleep.”

“Goodnight stars.”

“Goodnight moon.”

Her eyes slide closed and you stay on watch for a couple of hours, scanning the woods around the camp for any signs of danger. You start to consider waking Bellamy soon, from boredom or lack of attention, you don’t know, but as usual, he beats you to the punch, and is already awake when you swing your gaze towards him. He lifts his gun and stands, motioning for you to take his place. You nod in thanks and lay down, shifting his pack around a few times until you get comfortable, before sleep takes you quickly.

Your eyes slide open slowly, greeted by a fire, brain working to remember where you are. It comes back to you in a flood, and you shift your gaze up, locking eyes with Bellamy across the blaze. His eyes drop away, and you swear you see a tinge of pink across his cheeks when you sit up, stretching your limbs out and to the sky, shaking the sleep from them. You couldn’t have gotten more than a few hours of sleep, but it feels like enough, your body finally learning to adapt and work with less.

You stand and walk over to Bellamy’s log, dropping down beside him, before leaning back to look at the stars. His gaze follows yours, and he’s quiet for a minute, before he lets out a short hum. “Hm.”

You turn to look at him. “What?”

“Do you remember when you told me the story about Orion? How he was killed by his lover Artemis because her twin challenged her, and then she put him in the stars because she felt so bad about it?”

“Yes.”

He turns to you, fighting back a smile. “You weren’t trying to warn me or something, were you?”

You let out a quiet laugh, surprised, before hitting him lightly on the arm. “No!”

He laughs too, and you marvel at the pretty sound, something he rarely lets out into the world. You’re both looking at each other, his amusement still twinkling in his eyes, when Clarke shifts on the ground beside you. You both turn to her, and she meets your gaze, starting to wake up. Bellamy watches her for a minute, and then offers, “When we got back to the dropship and no one was there, we assumed it was the Grounders.”

“Of course, you did. You couldn't have known it was the Mountain Men. No one could have.”

He shakes his head, thinking of the 47, thoughts jumping to the worst. “How long until chocolate cake turns into being hung upside down and drained for their blood?”

“I don't know, but we don't have much time.”

You look between them. “First we find Finn, then our friends in Mount Weather.”

“And Lincoln.” Your gazes all shift to Octavia, now wide awake and sitting up. “I think we've slept long enough.”

She stands and grabs her things, already walking away, and you all follow suit. You kick dirt over the fire, making sure it’s put out before you follow the others through the woods, using only the moon for light.

The moon gives way to the sun, partially hidden behind clouds heavy with rain, and your group travels together mostly in silence. By the time the sun is high in the sky, it has broken free from the clouds, shining bright through the trees around you. Octavia starts to gradually speed up as the area becomes more and more familiar to her, and soon she breaks out into a run, leaving you all to catch up.

She comes to a stop at the bottom of a small hill, gaze locking on a large white statue in front of her. Bellamy checks the map and nods in confirmation, coming to a stop beside her. “This is it. Which way to the village?”

Octavia says nothing, her gaze never leaving the statue as tears start to well up in her eyes. She whispers, voice breaking, “The Reapers came from there. I couldn't save him, Bell. I couldn't save him.”

She starts to cry and he pulls her into a hug, comforting her, as you and Clarke watch on, hearts hurting for her. You know Clarke is thinking of Finn, and you’re both thinking of your father, and you step closer together, wrapping your arm around her and pulling her close.

You are all pulled apart when a burst of gunfire echoes through the trees nearby, and everyone takes off running, lifting their weapons as you do. Bellamy pulls ahead, but you are all right on his heels, fighting through the burn in your legs and ache in your lungs as more shots echo around the woods. You can hear screaming as you draw closer, and you feel fear tangle in your stomach and chest.

You see Bellamy pull to a stop ahead of you, now at the edge of the forest, and the shots pause, no longer punctuating the air. You, Clarke and Octavia stop beside him, and the fear in your stomach turns to horror as soon as you see the scene before you.

Finn stands on the other side of a fenced in pen, a group of Grounders trapped inside. All around the pen are bodies, some still moving, some dead, bleeding from a variety of gunshot wounds. Octavia runs forwards first, recognizing a few of the Grounders, and you, Clarke, and Bellamy follow at a much slower pace, shock dulling your senses and slowing you down.

Clarke comes to a stop in front of Finn, and his face pulls into a dazed smile. He steps towards Clarke, but she steps back, keeping the distance between them. “I found you.”

She shakes her head, in horror, disbelief, shock and turns away from him, lip quivering. You can no longer ignore the sound of crying around you and you drop down to the nearest body, searching for a sign of life. When your finger fails to find a pulse, you move to the next, relieved to see the rise and fall of the woman’s chest. You search her body for injuries, finding three gunshot wounds.

You pull your pack off your back, searching for medical supplies, when someone drops down on the other side of you. You look up and meet Murphy’s eyes, and he whispers, “Let me help.”

You nod, pull out antiseptic, tools, bandages, and direct him on how to pull out the bullets and bandage them properly, taking a page from Clarke’s book. Bellamy joins you when you move to the next body, and out of the corner of your eye, you see Octavia and Clarke doing the same, Murphy now at their sides assisting. Finn stands amongst the bodies, frozen, watching everyone move around him.

When you finish administering first aid, you look around, watching as the Grounders care for the dead, wrapping them in cloth and then securing it with pieces of rope. You and Bellamy exchange a look before you both walk over and help them, working silently with the Grounders, attempting to clean up the mess that Finn made.

When everyone is cared for, Octavia walks over to Nyko and talks to him briefly before joining your group again. “He says we should go, before the others return.”

You all heed the warning and leave the village, alternating between walking and running back to Camp Jaha, but never stopping until you reach the inside of the camp, secured behind a wall of guards and an electric fence.

next chapter

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