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lemonhemlock · 3 months

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so, i'm going through your anti team black tag and living my best life, but one post in particular that you made got me thinking.

“george made damn sure rhaenyra’s bloodline sat on the throne at the end bc, if the hightowers won, house targaryen would have been reformed, and he couldn’t kill them all off at the end of the main series”

i'm pretty sure this might've just been a joke, but it makes me curious. do you think something like a targaryen reformation would be possible, hypothetically speaking? i certainly wouldn't mind it in a "greens win" AU scenario, but that's just me. i wanna know if anyone else sees potential in this. 💚💚💚

Hello, yes, this was mostly a joke, as it happens. 😅 (anon is referring to this post) To introduce another lengthy parenthesis, I remember at the time that some of the reactions to that post were in the range for "why doesn't anyone understand that the Hightowers are also feudal lords vying for their own interests and not some great reformists out to save Westeros", which... Listen. 😄 To put equitably, this fandom has a considerable issue with knowing when to level criticism and when to just treat banter as lighthearted horsing around and not take it too seriously. Something which even I'm not exempt from, I don't think. 🤷‍♀️

So, in the interest of making a meme, that post was kind of half-true in that it simplified a more nuanced concept (that was never an avenue that the author decided to explore anyway) for the sake of humour. I have, in the past, detailed my thoughts on House Hightower and what I think is their role in the wider narrative. This is based on the information we have on them presently. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. Who knows, maybe Lord Leyton and Melara plan on blowing Oldtown up for shits and giggles. We don't have to guess everything correctly - another aspect this community struggles with in their fandom wars and obsession with having the most correct, morally pure take.

Regardless, yes, the Hightowers obviously are a privileged family at the top of the social food chain, benefitting from the exploitation awarded by feudalism - a political-economic system based on vast inequality. Therefore, any type of reform they might be willing to undertake will be limited and not really something that significantly changes the status-quo. Just like the beloved, fan-favourite, and mostly confirmed "winners" - the Starks. A third element that our fandom has trouble accepting is the concept of incremental change. I feel like it would basically be a truism to point out that incremental change has been the most reliable vector of socio-economic evolution throughout human history. So, bad news for them, I suppose, but any superficial study of history will reveal that feudalism hardly collapsed overnight. Which leads us back to the idea that any small change, no matter how limited, does matter in the long run, because, as time passes, it will be compounded with another small change and so on.

Anyway, coming back to the question. Would Targaryen reformation be possible? Certainly! GRRM could have made up any story he wanted. Anything is possible if you plan for it and it makes sense within your worldbuilding. As it stands, the Targaryens are foreigners with a questionable culture, hailing from a land that used to engage in practices that even the feudal Westerosi found backwards, distasteful, barbaric or immoral: slavery, human sacrifice, incest, great feats of violence such as pillaging and conquering neighbouring lands for the sake of feeding their population to their volcano gods etc. The Targaryens also have fire-breathing monsters that, while not exactly enough all the time to prevent any rebellions from happening, are weapons that no one else has access to and that can cause a great deal of damage that no one else can replicate.

So, in order to "reform" and integrate, they would need to renounce all that. They would need to do it the traditional way. They do some of the work, but never go all the way. They accept the main religion of the land, but they don't let go of inter-marrying, because they don't want to lose their access to dragons. There are attempts to integrate, but, by the time of the events of the main series, they have returned to incest. Funnily enough, Aegon V plays a role in both - he marries outside of the family and has no dragons left, but his succeeding son and daughter marry each other and, eventually, Aegon decides that bringing back dragons is not such a bad idea after all. I do think that the symbolic weight of Daenerys having both her parents and her grandparents as brother-sister sets is laying the "dragon blood" metaphor thick - and that it holds more magical weight than any mathematical calculation of her actual watered-down Targaryen DNA.

In any such scenario where GRRM decided to go down a Targaryen reformation path, IMO it would have been thematically-relevant to ease into it via a marriage alliance with one of the oldest families in Westeros - a well-respected, rich house that also has close links to both the only centre of higher education and the main religious organization in the land. Hence the meme. :) But it doesn't last and the Targaryens go back to their dastardly ways eventually, that's the point of them in the story, because the author chose it to be the point.

#call me crazy but grrm wasn't obligated to place BOTH the starry sept and the citadel in oldtown #and then have oldtown be controlled by 1 family #there is symbolic importance there and the hightowers /will/ play some part in the last two books #house hightower #anti team black #anti house targaryen #<- for filtering purposes #anyway #some fans really like to throw this 'feudalism is bad' interpretation like some sort of 'gotcha'#which? yes? but this is also the story. like. 🤦‍♀️#positive change will occur at the end of the series but it will also be limited in scope. that was always going to be the case?#something something there is a line between not romanticising a historical period that was rife with inequality #vs having realistic expectations of our heroes; the story; and what the author can actually accomplish in the given setting #there is a line and it can be treaded and sometimes it's NOT that serious #you don't have to act as if liking the hightowers or *insert other westerosi noble family here* equals shilling for feudalism #at the end of the day it IS fiction and it IS meant to have a fun quality to it. you know. entertainment. just be normal about it

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itgetsbetterproject · 5 hours

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📚 QUEERBOOK 2024 is hereee! We made a book by and for LGBTQ+ youth! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Last year, we asked LGBTQ+ youth: what's your idea of a "queer utopia?"

Not gonna lie - with more than 150 bills introduced in 35 states in 2023 that aimed to restrict student access to inclusive and diverse books and other library materials, the theme felt pretty radical.

And you DELIVERED. With the help of our Youth Voices (amazing queer youth activists from across the country), we compiled your amazing submissions of poetry, short essays and letters, visual art, photography, and more into Queerbook 2024. Like a yearbook, it captures what queer youth are feeling, going through, and hoping for - right here, right now across the U.S.

It's also no accident that it's the perfect small-ish size to stash in your locker or backpack so you can crack it open any time you're looking for some queer connection. :3

Read some more about the book and grab your own limited-run copy of Queerbook 2024 now here.

#itgetsbetter #queerbook #lgbtq youth #queer youth #trans youth #queer lit #lgbtq books #studyblr #lgbtqia

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purrfectpitch · 3 years

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My Thoughts on Happiest Season

I haven't posted anything in forever but after having seen "Happiest Season", I wanted to share a few thoughts and address some criticism.

To begin, I am truly saddened that this movie was not unanimously welcomed as the holy grail of Christmas lesbianism bliss that we were all waiting (and hoping) for.

Because in all honesty, perhaps it wasn’t.

But mostly, because as an audience, I must admit that we are extremely critical. After all, how could we not be? This movie is about us. For us. Criticism is our prerogative.

However, I believe that as much as we recognize the issues in mainstream media, we should also underline and celebrate the victories.

In this essay, I will -

Starved For Representation

After watching “Happiest Season”, I was left with conflictual emotions.

I had been craving a mainstream rom-com featuring two women since “Imagine Me and You”, in 2005.

From 2005 to 2020, we have had televisual representation of course! Period dramas, TV show featuring gay couples, movies giving us little winks (though sometimes queer baiting...)

But I must admit that I was starved for a mainstreamly strong, proud, established, "out there" relationship between two women. A couple that had gone through the hardship of coming out ages ago, and that was now dealing with the same issues that every other couples go through. And I was fiercely hoping that "Happiest Season" was it.

See, the problem with the lack of representation in media is that the first TV show or movie to pave the way will be infinitely more subject to scrutiny, pressure and criticism. Because it is the first. Because it has a duty, a burden, to represent thousands of experiences that have never seen the day on a screen.

But this is an impossible task. It is unfair to expect.

And yet, here we are.

The Infamous Closet

Yes, how Harper acted was harsh at times.

Yes, she could have shown Abby more tenderness and understanding in some instances, especially the morning after her night out with friends.

Yes, she could have acted better and soothed Abby's insecurities and frustrations throughout the trip.

But this movie is not a representation of the perfect closeted relationship.

It is one depiction of one story of one LGBT character dealing with her family’s (and perhaps her own) internalized homophobia.

As John said, “There is your version, and my version, and everything in-between.”

Most of us have recognized ourselves in at least one character or situation in this movie. Whether it be Abby, Harper, Riley…

As Harper said, on one hand, she could lose her family, and on the other, she could lose Abby. While this turned out not to be the case because her family (thankfully) still accepted her in the end, that is how she felt. Torn between her two realities. A loss equally as terrifying. How do you make that choice?

For years, it seems like the main discourse in the LGBT community has been to embrace who you are, whoever you may lose in the way, because they don’t deserve you anyway.

That sounds amazing. But in reality? Not everyone has the freedom, confidence or safety to embrace who they are. Feeling free, but having lost your family? That is a truly heartbreaking choice. I don’t think that it is a sacrifice that everyone is willing to make so confidently.

Should you always be you and be true to yourself? Absolutely. Should you judge people who are scared to lose their family? No.

Harper? She wasn’t going to lose her family, no. But was she terrified of it? Yes.

I believe that only makes her human.

The point of the movie was not to support Harper's every action. The point was precisely to see how her family's toxicity had left her starved for acceptance, no matter the cost. She was suffering deeply, grasping at straws for her parents to accept her. Abby was the collateral damage to an otherwise much deeper trauma.

But what matters to me is that she did find her way in the end. Expecting people to be perfect on the first try can be unfair. A person's journey to self-love and acceptance can be a very bumpy road indeed.

That Coming Out Trope

In the end, this movie was never going to please everyone. Because as the first mainstream lesbian holiday rom-com, how could it possibly? Years of yearning, years of crumbs of representation, years of believing that LGBT media will always and forever be the coming out story.

As if we are nothing more than the dramatic journey of coming out.

The movie industry loves beginnings. Movies always end at the start of new relationships.

For instance, in “Love, Simon”, the movie ends with them getting together and embracing their homosexuality and they ride off into the sunset.

However, in “The Happiest Season”, Harper and Abby's relationship has already been going for a year. They already met their first hurdles as a couple. Most of all, the movie skipped the endless tormented questioning of sexual identity and attraction.

Never did I think Harper actually thought about getting back with Connor. Never was she tempted to go back to the "straight" side, for convenience.

So is "Happiest Season" about coming out? Yes.

Is it about sexual awakening and a quest for identify, no.

And to me, that is refreshing.

Closing Comment

"Happiest Season" had its problems. But as a Christmas dramedy, I found that it was ticking a lot of the criteria of the genre.

You may love it, you may hate it or you may have any reaction in-between. But to me, it will remain a very noble and noteworthy first step into the next stage of LGBT storylines.

One day, I hope we get to see beyond the coming out. Beyond the happily ever after.

But for now, we are one community. We move forward toward a common goal of unity, acceptance and liberty.

And in my book, "Happiest Season" is definitely a step forward.

I am left feeling that one day, we will get there.

"Happiest Season" gave me hope.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

#Happiest Season #Kristen Stewart #Mackenzie Davis #Clea DuVall #LGBT #text post #Abby X Harper #mine #mystuff

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blackswaneuroparedux · 4 years

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Anonymous asked: Having been living in France for a few years what is your experience and view on the state of the French aristocracy? Do they still play an important role in French society and politics?

This is a tough one to answer because I’m not the best qualified to give you definitive picture. I still see myself as an outsider however immersed I am into French culture. My social circles are quite eclectic and widely spread but still hopelesslly inadequate to answer your question too deeply.

Still I can offer general observations because of my French partner who does come from very old French family roots and also the French wife of one of cousins and her family who manage our shared vineyard. Both to differing degrees are active within the social activities of L'Association d'entraide de la noblesse française (ANF) - the unspoken and low profile group that brings together people from noble backgrounds.

Outside of these two, I also have French friends from my Swiss boarding school days and two sweet curmudgeonly elderly neighbours of mine living in our apartment building. Through them I am afforded a sneak peek of what’s going on behind the scenes if I really wanted to know.

But to be honest, the whole subject never really comes up with any of these people because no one draws attention to it and they are just getting on with life as best as they can. We have so many more interesting things to discuss.

Everyone I know is pretty down to earth and it’s not a defining issue in their life. Having said that there are clues and it mostly revolves around manners, courtesies, and a strong sense of family. But materialism or the pursuit of it isn’t one of these things.

Though the French Revolution was supposed to have eliminated the aristocracy as a powerful political and social presence in France, the contemporary French aristocracy is a thriving social milieu showing no signs of imminent extinction. There are 3500-4000 "noble" families in France, as calculated by the L'Association d'entraide de la noblesse française (ANF) - the semi-official association of the French nobility - compared to 12,000 on the eve of the French Revolution.

The Revolution may have taken away their lands, their titles, and even their heads but they still thrive to this day and play a much more low key role in the French Republic.

They have successfully remained a virtually closed group through intermarriage and a careful network of social relations. However, they are no longer distinguished by fortune and political privilege.

Unable to separate themselves from other social classes through economic or political means, they rely on their social rituals, traditions, and anachronistic way of life to reaffirm their distinct identity. The importance of the family, religion, history, and a deep-rooted attachment to the land, are values that bind them together as a social group.

At the same time, they are obliged to participate in modern economic and public life. Consequently, they have made certain adaptations so as to survive in the modern world and retain their distinctiveness. Most aristocratic children are members of social clubs called "rallyes" which is their primary form of social life. Thus, they may go to public school and still socialise exclusively with children of their own milieu. Another modern adaptation is the creation of the Association of the French Nobility (ANF) among whose functions is to lend tuxedos, party dresses, and wedding dresses to aristocrats who cannot afford their own. There’s no shame in it. It’s fun!

I have been told by my French partner and the French wife of my cousin as well as others that for them that being part of the French aristocracy is nothing more than an attitude more than anything else. In other words, a state of mind.

Aristocrats now have all different fortunes (literal and metaphorical) and they don't talk about it. As my partner dead panned, “That would be bourgeois.”

The old and antiquated values live on because there are ways to preserve them with less money: making sacrifices, traveling little, not having a nice car - but keeping what is essential, like the family property. The family and the family history is still the essential part of everyone's identity. It could be said that the roots of the family hold it up. Unlike many bourgeois families I see who live a very rootless and atomistic life in the rat race, the aristocrats do value the paramount principles of faith and family.

Sure, some noble families have retained wealth and influence but not as much as people might think here in France. They live in the better arrondissements of Paris and even provide captains of industry and finance or they are retired sitting on expensive properties as family heirlooms.

Where I live my two elderly neighbours in my building who both come from aristocratic roots. One is a reactonary (he’s a crusty old retired general) and the other used to run an art gallery and is a socialist (or Champagne socialist if one were being cynical). I’ve gotten to know them very well throughout our shared Covid incarceration as I’ve been doing chores and running errands for both of them and I’ve gotten to know their families as a result. They both remain cheerful and courteous, and it shows in their mild self-deprecation and unassuming social poise. But here they are not flashy and it shows. They buy things to last and don’t give a fig for fashion but insist on their own style. They abhor excess and self promotion.

But equally many others live discreet lives far from the capital, often in old chateaux whose upkeep is a financially crippling burden with each passing generation. These families as I have discovered first hand are more rooted to their local communities and play an invaluable role in safeguarding the cultural heritage of the surrounding village life. They are often the life blood of these rural communities. This is very true for the French wife of my cousin and her family who have been rooted in that community and village life for countless generations. It’s one of the reasons she is thr driving force behind the vineyard to maintain and pass onto the next generation the blessings she’s had along with her siblings.

Over two centuries, the French noblesse has had to perfect an odd social game compared to the aristos of England and Scotland.

France is staunchly republican (and very secularised in the separation of church and state), one of whose founding moments was a revolution in which many of their ancestors were killed horribly. Today the noblesse has no legal existence. There is no monarchy to lend it justification. The very idea of a caste of lords and ladies offends against France's prevailing cultural zeitgeist.

The brutal truth is that for better or worse France - since 1848 or even 1901 depending on your sense of history - belongs to the hypochondriac bourgeoisie. And as such the past time of the bourgeois seems to be consumed by social anxiety by constantly looking over their shoulder to feel secure about their social and economic status relative to others.

No such anxiety exists with the noblesse that I have witnessed. They know who they are almost as well as working people are proud of their blue collar heritage and roots.

I have to admit that the noblesse don’t feel particular glory from their origins but nor do they feel they have anything to be embarrassed about. Many of them do feel an old fashioned duty to pass on their family heritage. As a result most people born to the old families have learned to be discreet and not draw attention to their kind.

For me it’s fascinating to observe and experience and then contrast that with how things are in the United Kingdom or elsewhere for that matter. But what I come away with is this profound bond between them around their deep attachment to their Catholic traditions and their family roots. It’s quite comforting in some ways in a fast moving society that’s unmoored from the old certainties and instead subject to the faddish winds of change.

Thanks for your question.

#question #ask #aristocracy #nibility #noblesse #france #french #europe #family #personal #permission given to post personal pics

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celticat21 · 3 years

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Echoes of the Past Day 2: Parents

@arcana-echoes

I have talked about some of their relationships with their parents a bit but this goes a little more in depth.

TW: Mild talk of abuse in Alessa and Zira’s stories.

Alessa: I thought of names for them so long ago that I ended up forgetting them! But now I will say their names are Gabriel and Clarissa. Clarissa clearly ran the house, while Gabriel would work very often and only come home to basically sleep. He certainly is a workaholic, even now, and mostly would leave all the childrearing up to Clarissa, who clearly struggled with her own issues. Being the eldest daughter, Alessa felt much of the strain of the family and tried to keep the family together when she could feel it start to crumble. She was responsible a lot for her younger siblings so her parents could take a break.

Being honest, her parents are really controlling and demanding. Alessa was never really allowed to make decisions for herself because her parents always saw them as “wrong”, and when she told them of her interest in magic they all but forbade it. Even at Alessa’s wedding, Gabriel and Clarissa tried to make it about them and criticized her for everything. When she was younger they would break her things as punishment for bad behavior, or even hit her. Alessa still insists her parents weren’t abusive, just misguided, and that may be true. Due to their culture they didn’t see anything wrong with their parenting. Currently, Alessa has a very poor relationship with her parents, and was even uninvited from her youngest sisters birthday.

Tabitha: Kai and Aolani are wonderful, loving, and supportive parents. Their relationship with each other is also very loving and they truly work as a partnership. They never wanted Tabitha to feel bad or babied because of her disability, while also acknowledging that it will make life different for her. With Tabitha having a twin brother, they tried to divide their time equally amongst their children, and wanted to make sure both parents were equally involved in raising them.

Both parents are very hard workers, and living a tight knit community helped out a lot when it came to rising children. Tabitha and Hemi, her brother, loved to help their parents and learned many valuable skills from them growing up. Tabitha was constantly cycling through interests before settling on woodworking as her favorite, but every step of the way her parents were there to help out and support her. Needless to say, Tabitha’s relationship with them is wonderful and she was very eager to introduce them to Volta!

Freya: This relationship is a little bit complicated. Frigga and Bjorn have a great relationship with each other. It is very loving, respectful, and equal by all accounts. With Freya, however, her parents reacted very differently from Tabitha’s in that they were always afraid for her and what her being blind meant for her future. They always did everything for her and, if we’re honest, they didn’t know how to raise a child who was blind. They really thought they were doing whats best for her, and assumed she would live with them forever. This caused Freya to constantly seek independence and, when she was a bit younger, would over compensate by never asking for help.

While Freya left as soon as she could, and even resented her parents and home for a while, she eventually realized that they were well meaning and decided to visit again and explain to them exactly what was wrong and why. Her parents listened and apologized for their behavior. They were grateful she came back and wanted to patch things up and vowed to keep it that way. Their relationship is much better now and Freya excitedly had her wedding and firstborn child in her homeland with her family.

Winona: Nahuel and Dakota were very skilled hunters and crafters in the tribe. They were known for being helpful and friendly and everyone in the tribe loved them. Unfortunately they went missing a few years after Winona was born. No one knows the details, but they went to trade with a nearby tribe but never made it there. All that was left was what they brought to trade and their horses, who ran back to the tribe. Winona was able to hear stories of their parents from the others in the tribe, but they never really got to know them. When they were a teenager they left to go find them similarly to Asra, but have yet to.

Zira: Ooh, this one is rough. Kaloo (father) and Saval (mother) married young and had a pretty good relationship. There were a few bumps in the road but they always resolved to work things out. Kaloo was a Duke in their dimension and Saval was a noble woman. Zira was very close with her father growing up. Her mother was a different story. Once Zira was born her mother tried to sacrifice her body to be possessed by a powerful spirit. This included tattooing symbols onto Zira’s back. While Zira has tried to get rid of it, that didn’t completely work. After this happened, the mother went to therapy for a few years until she was able to fully return to her duties in the government and as a mother.

In all honesty for most of her life her mother was fine. Pretty stern, but loving and normal. Now Zira looks back and wonders how much of it was real, and how much was just biding her time. Kaloo had died shortly after Zira was married (not to Valdemar,a nd the marriage did not last long) and then Saval went missing. After Zira was to be formally inducted as Duchess, Saval attacked her, cutting off her leg and forcing her into hiding.

Katarina: Marcello and Rosina met when they were young. They had a pretty good relationship despite the hardships they faced, which made it all the more surprising when Marcello decided he didn’t want a family anymore and just left. Katarina was seven at the time. Marcello never meant to be an absentee father, and in fact was very involved for a while. He always came around for birthdays and helped out if Rosina had money trouble, but one day he stopped showing up. Unknown to the family, he had died of the plague during its very early days.

Rosina was left to raise Kat and her brother all on her own, and for that Katarina always looked up to her. Rosina was very good at managing her emotions in front of her kids so they never felt like a burden or bad for existing. She wasn’t perfect, but she did a great job anyway. Katarina’s relationship with her is very good, but she will not talk about her father and is still very angry with him. This lead to some abandonment issues, that are exacerbated by Asra constantly leaving.

#Echos of the past #Alessa the Apprentice #Tabitha the Apprentice #Freya the Apprentice #Winona the Apprentice #Katarina the Apprentice #Zira the Apprentice

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nezumiismissing · 4 years

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Yoming: A Step-By-Step Guide on How Not to Lead a Revolution

So in honor of Earth Day (and also my birthday) today I reallly wanted to write something about No.6 and the environment/environmentalism, but I only realized I should do that right as I was about to go to bed last night, so it didn’t happen. Maybe next year. Anyways here’s a post on a completely different (but maybe still relevant) topic that I’ve had in my drafts for probably a year and finally got the motivation to finish over the weekend!

So I’ve been thinking a lot recently about No.6 and revolution, because I’ve always viewed No.6 as a story that is very much about revolution, and yet the revolution that actually occurs within the story (at least in the novels/manga) is objectively a failure and instead serves mostly as a way for No.6 to demonstrate its military power (and create an exciting climax to the story). Despite this failure, however, I don’t think that No.6 is ultimately against revolutionary action, and instead simply uses the example of Yoming's character and ideology to demonstrate what a revolution in the real world shouldn't look like. Because while he is clearly correct in his desire to see No.6 fall, Yoming is still, in many ways, an antagonist of the story, and ultimately attempts to do the right thing in the wrong ways for the wrong reasons.

Now obviously the biggest offense here is the fact that his entire plan to mobilize people is based on a lie. We know that there is no secret vaccine against the bees, and we know that people from any class within the city are able to die from them. So already the premise from which Yoming plans to base his overthrow of No.6 is corrupted. But even beyond that, there are numerous issues with the framing and motivation for revolution in this context, mainly stemming from the fact that, despite what he might say, Yoming doesn't actually know that much about No.6. He knows that there is a strict hierarchy within the city, and that people are regularly taken away from their families. He doesn’t know where they go or what happens to them, and while his assumptions about the people who are taken away may be true (for the most part), that’s all they really are, assumptions.

I think what gets to me the most about this is the fact that he appears to be entirely convinced that he has the whole story. He doesn’t even consider the idea that other atrocities may be occurring within the city or in the Correctional Facility, and he doesn’t ever mention the huge population of people living in West Block, and what conditions they may be living in as a result of No.6’s actions and existence. The (true) idea that No.6 may have even been built upon extreme violence against another group does not occur to him. Those people are not important to his personal experiences or goals, and so they are not important to the resistance in its entirety, despite the fact they are arguably the primary victims of No.6, and their situation is not entirely unknown to the general populace. Rather than a movement focused on systemic injustice and a highly corrupt/authoritarian government, Yoming instead creates what amounts to an almost entirely unconstructive riot based on his own personal desire for revenge, resulting in the deaths of multiple people who, while maybe not entirely happy with the city, were also not directly involved in any of the things being protested. By focusing so intensely on the individual, the concept of a collectivist-based society is completely left behind and forgotten, as in Yoming’s mind collectivism is aligned with the control and utilitarianism of No.6, and can thus only be opposed by the inverse organizational ideology of individualism, rather than a different form of collectivism focused on community and justice.

This of course leads to the scene where we actually see the extent of his insanity, in which Karan brings up the fact that a large mobilization of people against the city will cause No.6 to use military force. We of course already know that this is exactly what will happen, as we've just witnessed it in West Block and know how the leaders of the city function, but even within Yoming’s limited context, this should be seen as a completely plausible and likely scenario, as it directly aligns with the authoritarianism he claims to oppose. But he isn’t able to imagine anything that he hasn’t seen personally, and ideologically he isn’t really that different from No.6, as he only wishes to replace the current leadership with his own in order to protect those he deems worthy (as is shown in Beyond), and so he rejects it. Not only that, he says that it is impossible for No.6 to have an army, because it would go against the Babylon Treaty, a document that no one in the city seems to have actual knowledge or understanding of outside of a very surface level reading (and also definitely not the main reason you should be concerned about a state using military force on its own people). He isn’t willing to completely let go of his own utopian ideals, or those of the creators of No.6 though, and so he is unable to accept that at a fundamental level, the city has overstepped its boundaries. He isn’t able to see the disappearances of people as a systemic issue affecting the population as a whole rather than individuals and families, and is therefore unable to imagine that those disappearances may have a purpose outside of simple control, or that they may only be a small piece of a much larger issue.

Just a quick aside here; while I sympathize with Karan’s strong desire to not get anyone killed in the process of destroying and rebuilding a society, I think she’s also wrong to think that that is in any way realistic. She is aware enough of the situation to recognize that an army likely does exist, and she knows that things cannot remain as they are, but in entirely rejecting Yoming’s way of thinking, she is also eliminating any chance of No.6’s fall actually occurring in a way that doesn’t involve bees killing everyone. There’s obviously a huge philosophical debate to be had about whether or not death on either side is acceptable or even allowable during such a large political shift, and I’m not looking to really start that debate here because otherwise this would be a 20 page essay, but all I will say is that even without the deaths inflicted as a result of the revolution, the destruction of the Correctional Facility, which we are led to believe is an almost entirely positive outcome, didn’t come without its own significant death toll (and not all of those victims were on the side of No.6).

Yoming is rightfully angry at the city for creating such a strict social hierarchy and murdering his wife and son, and he is right to wish for the city’s destruction (although he doesn’t really know why this is correct), but neither of those occurrences are a justification for the suffering he put the rest of the citizens through. If he knew what was actually happening to the city, he wouldn’t have had to lie, and he knows that. It is then perhaps the case that he lies about the vaccine not because he actually believes that it exists, but because he knows that his experiences are not shared by a large number of people, and are not enough to get the entire population to join in his personal fight, so he needs to invent something that sounds real enough that people will go along with him. In this case, the bees are not his enemy, and instead are just a neutral occurrence that he is able to use as a tool in his favor. In his mind, it doesn’t matter that the citizens will eventually find out about the lie, because by then he thinks that he will already be seen as a hero, and perhaps the lie will even be seen as positive, since in this case the truth is difficult to believe. But in the end, it wasn’t enough to actually make a difference, because neither side was willing to either separate themselves from their own beliefs and ideology for long enough in order to understand the entirety of the situation, or create a legitimate and strong opposition to the other side.

I think that Yoming’s failures as a revolutionary icon are an important aspect of the story, and while he was ultimately unsuccessful, there are certainly many positive aspects of what he had hoped to accomplish, so I’m not trying to rewrite the ending of the story in any way, but what could he have done better? If his way of doing things wasn’t correct, but pacifism is also out of the question, then how could the situation have been resolved? If this were a real situation, as opposed to a story where it is important to maintain a sense of tension, I believe the best option would probably have been to wait until more information was available to avoid having to lie in the first place. There is definitely a fine line here, and I wouldn't fault anyone for disagreeing, but there has to be some threshold of facts and dissatisfaction that must be met before taking such extreme measures as a revolution, and I don't think that by that point in the story it had been reached yet. He also could have just been honest. This would have been risky, but he had already taken advantage of the confusion caused by the bees, so taking a much smaller chance in order to build the strength of his group would probably have been a better move than endangering the entire city for personal reasons. Of course he wouldn’t actually do this because it would involve a self sacrifice, which under his extremely self-centered individualist ideology is entirely unacceptable, but if he were to actually be interested in improving society, this would have probably been a good move.

Just at the end here I would like to touch on the endings of Yoming's character arcs in the various iterations of the story, because all of them are excellent in their own ways, and deserve a brief discussion.

Starting with the anime, this is just about as good an ending for his character as you could have asked for given the circumstances of the anime’s ending. The anime doesn’t exactly frame him as a revolutionary icon like the novels and manga do, so he is very much just kind of a crazy dude who also has somewhat higher legitimacy than manga/novel Yoming due to his lack of actually doing anything of significance and therefore also not getting anyone directly killed. His revolution is doomed from the start as he gives his speech to a crowd of people who can’t hear him because they’re already dead, and his lack of any actual public appearance is successful in framing him as simply an overly ambitious coward who is very much deserving of his off-screen death by the one thing that made his message questionable in the first place. It’s a very different characterization than the one seen in the novels, and while it has some consequences for the overall effect of the anime’s story that I’m not going to get into here, it's an extremely effective way of getting across the point that this revolution was not going to work. It also ties Yoming more directly to the revolution itself, with the fall of No.6 and subsequent lack of need for revolutionary action also resulting in the destruction of the revolution’s leader.

Because there is no manga for Beyond, we are also in a way given another ending for Yoming in the manga, although I feel it is incomplete. Because the manga follows the novels so closely, we see the revolution occurring prior to Shion and Nezumi’s interference, all the way up to when Yoming gives his speech in front of city hall, and then he is never seen again. This is probably the weakest of the three endings for him just because the novels give us the same scenes but with a very well done follow-up in Beyond, but I think this still works fairly well. Like the anime, this ending proves that Yoming was not really needed in order to destroy No.6, and that the scale of what was happening was completely beyond his abilities. But on the other hand, by showing the revolution in the first place, unlike the anime, we are left with the possibility that he could have been successful had it not been for Shion and Nezumi’s extremely convenient arrival at that moment. It was unlikely that it would have succeeded of course, but without either the confirmation of his death such as in the anime or the context and developments given to us in Beyond, we have no way of knowing what would have happened next. Yoming is neither a hero nor a failure in this version of the story, but instead was not given a chance to exert his full power, and therefore becomes a mostly insignificant figure in the overall story of the manga.

Finally we come to the novels, where we get a much fuller picture of who Yoming is and what his real goals were in the story told in Beyond. Rather than acting simply as the figure of a failed revolution, he continues in his quest to destroy No.6 and build a new society. However, As was mentioned earlier his actions imply that the society he wanted was not all that different from No.6 other than the fact that he would be (at least in part) in charge of it. This is of course the issue that all revolutions and their leaders must face, “Once we get into power, how do we prevent ourselves from becoming corrupt and recreating the thing we were originally fighting against?” For Yoming, the answer is that you don’t. His movement used the power of the people to earn leverage in the fall of the city and subsequent rebuilding, but was ultimately never about helping the people of No.6 as a whole, and instead served as a vehicle for just replacing the current leadership with a new regime functioning under the guise of a people’s movement. It’s a smart move if you can make it work for you, as any number of real-world examples have shown, but as we see in Beyond, Yoming really isn’t smart enough to pull it off, and since he is only one member on a larger council of leadership, his lack of overwhelming power makes it impossible for him to take total control of the city, and ensures that he is eventually caught. That isn’t to say that the system is perfect, as Shions actions clearly show it is not, but it functions well enough to weed out those who are not actually interested in restructuring. You could of course also make the argument that Shion takes over what would have been Yoming’s role had he succeeded, but that’s a different discussion for a different day.

I don’t really have anything else to add here, so this is the end of the post! There’s more to discuss here of course (there always is), but I feel that this gets the main ideas across in a way that is (hopefully) easy to understand. Revolution is complicated, including in fiction, and there really is no one right way to go about it. But in the context of a story like No.6, which is so much about revolution and social change, the portrayal of a movement that was ultimately a failure and upheld ideas of corruption alongside one that had greater success is an exercise in the exploration of the topic that not only makes the story much more interesting, but greatly contributes to our own understanding of the topic and the ideas associated with it.

#no.6 #no. 6 #no.6 analysis #long post #fyi this was sitting in my drafts for so long only because I was too lazy to open my manga to remmeber what happened to yoming there #but its fine #its here now #and its not my best work but its something #and im happy enough with it #original

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full-of-light · 4 years

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Klaroline in Legacies so far.

This is for all my comrades who refuse to watch Legacies (for good reasons) and want to know about the Caroline and Klaus mentions in Legacies. This post naturally contains TVD, TO and Legacies spoilers so read at your own risk! Inspired by @bossyblondebabe‘s post asking about Klaus and Caroline in Legacies.

Caroline:

• It’s mentioned that she is in Europe taking care of Salvatore School-related business, but it is later revealed she's actually looking for a way to stop the twins from having to merge.

• As for direct interactions with other characters, her kids sometimes stay with her in Europe for a while (off-screen) and in one of the latest episodes her daughter Josie calls her for advice because she wants to make the right decision (but you can't hear Caroline's voice during the phone call).

It's later revealed that Caroline said that people deserve to know the truth and make their own choices.

• Caroline is just mentioned as a good mom and her advice in general is also mentioned. For example: “You know how Mom always says that things work out in the end the way they're supposed to? She's right”. Other characters just mention how Caroline, although she’s not their biological mom, did a great job raising Lizzie and Josie.

• It’s said that Lizzie takes more after Caroline and Josie takes more after Josette. (In my opinion they are both very different from Caroline, but Lizzie is a bit more similar to Caroline than Josie).

• Alaric has also been on the phone with her multiple times. They mostly just talk about how Caroline is busy following leads on stopping the merge.

• Other than that she has a pretty good relationship with her daughters and her daughters really want her to come home.

• Caroline didn't want to tell the twins about the merge until her and Alaric exhausted all options to stop it from happening, but eventually did tell her kids that the weird device they had was an Ascendant and that Josie and Lizzie made it with Aunt Bonnie when they were five, but she didn't tell them if it had anything to do with the merge.

• Caroline searched for and picked the new headmaster of the Salvatore School (Alaric's replacement) herself but it turns out she didn’t do a great job which I refuse to believe because... she’s Caroline Forbes?!

So basically she's just busy off-screen 24/7.

Klaus:

• He is mostly mentioned as "the big bad wolf" or “Klaus Mikaelson: The Great Evil” (literally printed in a book at the Salvatore School lmao) by anyone other than Hope. It’s mentioned that he was one of the earth’s Original Vampires and that he wasn’t very popular around Mystic Falls.

• Hope usually just mentions him as her dad and randomly makes remarks about him like:

“Turns out even immortal beings can find a way to die eventually.” “The people I care about have a tendency to die on me.” “I try not to get close to people anymore.” “I've spent years torturing myself, asking myself why my father sacrificed himself for me, to get to this point where, I mean, I totally understand it.”

It is implied that she has abandonment issues because of his death.

• In one episode The Necromancer talks to Hope about her dad. He says that Hope wants to know how her dad is or WHERE he is. She denies this but The Necromancer doesn’t believe her. He says she wants to know if he's at peace or if he's suffering, regretting his sacrifice because he did die to save Hope's life after all. Hope keeps saying he’s wrong and won’t admit that she wants to know. She says she’s at peace with her dad and that he did die because of her, but that it was his choice and that she’s come to terms with it. She says The Necromancer is wrong about her and that she doesn’t need to know anything blah blah blah.

Later in the episode however she finally admits she wants to know about her dad. She says her family said that he must have died with love in his heart and that he should’ve found peace but she doesn’t know if that’s actually true. She says she really needs to know that he’s not alone because she can’t live with herself if Klaus is alone because no one should ever have to be.

The Necromancer screws her over later in the episode but before he leaves he does mention her father again. He says that Klaus watches over Hope every day and that he did die with love in his heart and doesn’t regret his choice, but he won’t find peace until Hope does. Later in the episode, Hope writes a letter to her dad:

“I was told today that you would never find peace until I found it in myself. I hope that was a lie told to punish me. God knows I deserved that. But if it's true, I'm gonna do better. Today I saw a glimpse of what true loneliness feels like. Of what lies in store for me if I don't find my own peace. So I'm gonna get to work on that. I'm glad to know you're with me, but I look forward to the day when you're not. I love you. - Hope. ”

• He can be seen in family photos in Hope's room (Hayley has been removed from photos but she has been mentioned as Hope’s mom). Hope is mentioned to have lost half of her stuff in a fire a few years ago including the only painting she made with her dad. It’s later revealed that Josie was the person who accidentally set Hope’s whole room on fire instead of just one particular thing she was aiming for, which meant Hope lost an important keepsake because of Josie.

• Freya was also in one episode for like two scenes but Klaus wasn’t really mentioned and she basically had no dialogue with Hope except for calling each others names and hugging. Freya did mention to Josie that her kid was called Nik (presumably after Niklaus, because who else?).

So basically he’s just Hope’s dad who was evil (but not in everyone’s eyes), and Hope misses him 24/7.

Klaroline:

There are two #KlarolineConfirmed episodes, both in season one.

S01E10

This episode is the most confusing when it comes to the Klaroline mentions because they don’t make sense. In this episode Lizzie ends up in alternate realities by wishing Hope doesn’t exist/was never born (don’t remember) in which it’s mentioned that Klaus gave money to Caroline for the Salvatore School in their own world, but that this didn’t happen in the reality they were currently in which is why the school looks awful.

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However the reasoning Lizzie gives (“Hope's dad wrote my mom a big check to fund the school when it opened, so no Hope, no funding, no fun.”) makes no sense, because Klaus didn’t give Caroline the money just because Hope went there and he met Caroline and was in love with her before Hope existed. I’m also pretty sure Klaus gave her the money before they convinced the Mikaelsons to enroll Hope in their school and by then the school already looked nice. On top of that Caroline is a vampire and the Salvatores were pretty rich too so I just don’t really understand this but i’M nOt A wRiTeR so whatever.

In the same episode Lizzie ends up in another alternate reality/universe where Klaus can be seen on a poster as a wanted man. Later you can see sketches of Caroline and Klaus next to each other in a newspaper article where they are mentioned as husband and wife and enemies of the state. Alaric tells Lizzie Klaus turned off his humanity years ago and started a war and ended up exposing the supernatural world and now they’re being hunted. You can watch those scenes in this video (from 1:24):

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Although it's a nod to the Klaroline fans, not a lot about it makes sense. Why does one line say “Klaus Michelson and Caroline Forbes” and the next “Klaus Mikaelson and his wife Caroline Mikaelson?” Why did Klaus turn off his humanity? Is that even possible after being a vampire for so many years? Why would Caroline go along with it? Why would the smart and powerful Niklaus Mikaelson be that stupid and expose the supernatural world even with his humanity off and not have common sense like no-humanity Caroline? It makes zero sense.

I’ve seen theories about them “losing it” because of them losing family members and friends and not having children but to me that still doesn’t make sense. They’ve lost family members before and Klaus has lost so many acquaintances over the centuries... I could maybe see them being sad in the next century when Caroline has lost all her friends and realises she’ll make new friends and experience this over and over again for the rest of her life but that doesn’t explain why they would both be like that and expose the entire supernatural community. Klaus has lived for centuries, he could’ve easily exposed the supernatural world by now but never went that far even when he killed his own parents, lost his home, when his siblings were murdered, when he desperately wanted to create an entire hybrid army, when he tried to reclaim New Orleans... I just don’t see how this could actually happen.

In TVD S04E04 Klaus and Rebekah tell the story of the hunter Alexander and Klaus said that they (The Originals) were traveling and feeding on people and turning people into vampires as they went. “With bloodshed came exposure”. So Elijah makes a remark that Klaus and Kol haven’t been discreet. Klaus replies to this statement by making a quick joke about welcoming such infamy, but immediately mentions that he isn’t the one Elijah should worry about, but Rebekah. This implies that even though he feeds and turns people and makes jokes about it, he has no intention of exposing himself completely to the general public. He even gets really pissed when Rebekah exposes all of them and they all get daggered by the hunters so this is not something Klaus would ever do.

But yeah... so... What am I supposed to gather from this? That Klaus and Caroline are soulmates in every possible universe? That even when things are totally different and literally nothing else make sense, they still do? I guess I’ll take it.

We could’ve had it aaaaaaaalllllll. ♫

S01E14:

In this episode Lizzie gives Hope the blue TVD S03E14 Mikaelson Ball Klaroline dress to wear to the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant. Then this scene happened:

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Apparently Josie knew the dress was a gift from Klaus to their mom that he picked out himself, but Lizzie didn’t know it was from Klaus specifically but just that it was a gift from a guy who used to crush on their mom. Also: yes, Caroline Elizabeth Forbes kept The Dress™ all these years.

Other random stuff you might want to know:

• In the season 1 finale Hope says she thought she was a cosmic mistake that was never meant to be born, but she now thinks that the only reason she and the stupid hybrid baby plot exists because nature needed to find a loophole to be able to destroy Malivore: a tribrid (because Malivore was created by the blood of a werewolf, a witch and a vampire).

• Some characters from The Originals like Jackson, Davina, Cami, Keelin and Kol can be seen in a few photos in New Orleans in the Freya cameo episode.

• Family members can be seen in family photos in Hope’s room.

• Damon and Elena apparently have kids and one of them is called Stefanie (the audacity lol) but that’s in an alternate universe??? Or in the real one too??? Idk.

• Kai Parker will also return in 2020 but I’m not sure if I’m happy about that. He’ll probably make his episode(s) worth the torture that is Legacies but Julie will probably just kill him again (and probably in a lame way).

• Jeremy and Matt have shown their faces once or twice for a completely useless guest star appearance.

• Matt was the sheriff who was mentioned to be running for mayor, later it was revealed he actually became the mayor of Mystic Falls.

• Something I noticed is that although the twins call Bonnie “Aunt Bonnie”, they call Elena and Damon just Elena and Damon Salvatore. In a recent episode Lizzie was driving the blue Camaro and she told Sebastian her “dad’s friend” (Damon) gave it to her and Josie for their sixteenth birthday.

• There is this new character called Sebastian who is shipped with Lizzie and they are blatantly copying Klaroline scenes and roughly “the concept” (old vampire with European accent, blonde girl, sex in the open, the car ride camera shots, even the dialogue had a copy-paste “I fancy you” in there). Although I expected to like the Lizzie/Sebastian relationship when it was teased because I like the stereotypical bad guy and good girl dynamic it turns out to be not nice at all imo. People are calling it the new Klaroline and although their scenes and lines are a ripoff (which is not something to be proud of, I’d rather see fresh material) their dynamic is completely different. It reminds me more of Damon/Caroline to be honest. “Old handsome but cocky vampire stranger comes into town and flirts with me and I’m way too into it.” There is almost no feeling of push and pull although they like to portray it like it’s there by having them bicker for 1 minute. They met a few episodes ago and she’s already obsessed with him, then hates him, then sleeps with him and he’s just way too annoying for me. Not my taste. He comes off as a completely arrogant prick and I don’t know what Lizzie sees in him tbh. He also doesn’t come off as genuine to me, I feel like there’s 0 feelings and just purely lust and plotting? It seems like the writers thought that giving Caroline’s blonde daughter a love interest (with a cleaner slate) with similar dialogue and scenes to Klaroline would make fans happy but the characters are not that similar to Klaus and Caroline. The dynamic is just completely different. Also Sebastian grabbed her by the throat in and it wasn’t really hot or slightly funny like I’m sorry but Klaroline did it way better.

I also want to make it clear that you can ship whoever you want to ship and I’m not trying to drag S!zzie. I expected to like them together but the more scenes I watched the less I liked them and I’m a bit disappointed. I don’t puke everytime they have a scene together but I’m not into it either. So once again: I don’t hate S!zzie or S!zzie shippers but I’m just not that into it and I think the parallels are kind of shitty and not a good thing for both fandoms. Have a great day and have fun shipping your ship and please don’t attack me bye.

• Relationship dynamics are really weird in this show. Alaric seems to be more of a father to Hope than to Lizzie and Josie and he keeps dragging Hope’s dad.

• This show has a new Elena and if you thought it was Hope (because Julie Plec likes to call her the better Elena) then you’re wrong. It’s actually Landon Kirby. He’s bland and he’s just kind of there, having a love triangle. Although it’s true that Hope also has the I’m-Special-And-Everyone-Is-Magically-In-Love-With-Me-For-No-Reason-Syndrome. I get that Danielle is pretty, I have eyes, but we don’t all fall in love with every pretty person that walks by and she’s portrayed as “the loner” so it doesn’t make sense to me but hey.

• The show is pretty bad, 90% of the episodes have the same plot and there’s a ton of cringy dialogue. There’s only one or two compelling characters and only a few decent actors. Some characters have even less of a storyline than Matt Donovan or April Young from TVD. The monster of the week thing destroys the well-constructed mythology the parent shows have built over the years and it’s really repetitive and predictable.

• The storyline doesn’t seem to be moving towards something like in TVD or TO. Every episode is the same stuff over and over again. I could excuse this if this meant that there was more of a focus on developing characters and relationships but that doesn’t happen either.

• The complete shitstorm of ships in this show is absolutely ridiculous. Before I watched the show I heard about Hos!e, Pos!e, H@ndon, H@fael and whatnot. Especially the first two are mentioned a lot. Then I watched the show and I just don’t get the hype for even a single ship, but I get why there are so many ships. Nothing is a crackship in this show except for the two twins and it’s because the writers push everyone to be with everyone and don’t have a clear direction in mind for the romantic storylines of their characters. If someone is dating someone they also need to have “cute” scenes with someone else, and another one has to have a crush on them, and it needs to be mentioned that that character also had a crush on someone 5 years ago, and then the writers bring in another character or two to have a crush on the same character for no reason... and they have been dragging this out since episode 1! Whereas in TVD characters would usually move on (like Caroline and Elena would move on from their romantic storylines with Matt for example. Caroline gets with Damon, that goes wrong and she moves on to Matt, but then Tyler comes into the picture. Caroline gets with Tyler, eventually Klaroline comes along but by then M@ttoline (?) and D@roline (?) were already ditched a few miles back...). With Legacies you have these vague mentions and possibilities for romantic storylines but none are even really explored on their own or even in a love triangle (if the writers really have to do it that way) by having the characters going through stuff together. Instead they choose to keep every romantic option in the picture as mentions or relationships that don’t go much deeper than “I love you””I love you too” (nobody knows why but ok) which means some characters have like 7 ships that all have a decent fanbase and it’s wild.

• The awkward fact that Danielle Rose Russell (Hope) has more chemistry with Nick Fink (Ryan Clarke) than Aria Shahghasemi (Landon Kirby) makes me question things.

I’m still watching because I’m waiting for some TVD characters to appear and I like to hear old characters being mentioned but tbh I wouldn’t recommend it when there are so many other great shows out there. Just watch the Klaroline mentions online. I mean there are some decent scenes in there but 90% of the show makes me question my sanity. In the latest episode the writers decided Santa was real and they made him fight a monster by punching him in the face and at one point Santa is flying through the air and hitting a christmas tree while a rock version of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” is playing in the background and I wish I was joking. And that was the last episode before the hiatus. And they just left me there like that. After seeing that. In the TVD universe. I just imagine Klaus’s ghost hanging around and seeing that and I can’t hold my laughter. Or JoMo watching that stuff at home like....

And people still wonder why he doesn’t want to come back hahaha.

#klaroline #klaus mikaelson #caroline forbes #kc #tvd #legacies #series #mine

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nerdylittleshit · 5 years

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Thoughts about Spn 15x03

SPOILERS AHEAD! BEWARE!

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… This episode man. I’m having emotions. Several of them. I love me some angst and well this episode delivered. Though I think that the promo for this week’s episode kinda spoiled the big character death at the end, so I really thought they might go another way. This episode focused on big character moments, with the Ghostapocalypse functioning as a vehicle for those moments. We do say goodbye to quite a few characters (though some just temporarily), so next week we will shift from an ensemble cast back to Sam & Dean, and what looks like a classic monster-of-the-week-episode, though given it is the last season there might be more to it. We will see. Until then, let’s have a closer look at this week’s episode.

Ketch me if you can

Let’s start with Ketch, who… well dies. And unfortunately next to Rowena’s big sacrifice you almost forget his death. Which felt a bit underwhelming to be honest. First of you don’t expect a hunter/former Men of Letter/ assassin to be killed by a demon. Why was there no protection in the hospital? No devil’s trap, nothing? And of course ketch died in the way we would not have expected of him: sacrificing himself to protect Sam and Dean. Which of course should show us how far he has come, how much he has changed, in particular by the Winchesters. And yet it kinda felt cheap, not only because we saw similar death scenes before or it felt too easy for Ardat to kill Ketch, but because Ketch’s death scene has to live up to Rowena’s and naturally he loses against that competition.

If anything Ketch’s death was yet another reminder that this is the last season, so the show tries to wrap up as many story and character arcs as they can, though I hope we will see other endings than characters who sacrifice themselves. You just can’t let them all die. And as mentioned Ketch’s death follows a pattern, we have seen characters like him and deaths like his before. Characters who start out as antagonists, become better through the Winchesters and end up giving their life for them: Meg, Crowley, and now Ketch and Rowena.

Like I said it kinda felt cheap, using the same trope over and over again, though perhaps this is yet another meta level. We have Dean pointing out that the Ghostapocalypse feels sort of sloppy and not like the ending they deserve. There were many complains among fans that this particular storyline did not feel scary or threatening, and that is perhaps the point. Chuck was improvising and turns out he is not as good as a writer as he thinks he is. So perhaps especially in this season whenever a storyline feels constructed or a trope overused this might be intentional. The strongest moments this season where the character moments: because their choices, their feelings, that is what is real. That is what matters.

Lilith Bo-Peep

Speaking of constructed storylines: there just happens to be a magical object that can get all the souls back to hell, you just haven’t heard about it because of reasons. Again the constructed story is a framework for various character moments: Cas and Belphegor’s conversation in hell, Belphegor’s betrayal, Cas who is forced to kill “Jack”, and how Dean used all of this to let out his anger at Cas (more of this later).

What I find interesting about Belphegor is that he used to work as a torturer in hell and he still tortures people, namely Cas, though less obvious. He has an excellent intuition for what would hurt someone the most. He has watched Sam, Dean and Cas only for a few days and yet he figured out their dynamic, knows that something is wrong between them. Of course when Cas tells Belphegor that Sam and Dean only use him and don’t actually care about him he just voices his own greatest fear, and Belphegor knows that and uses it against him.

For a moment it looks like Belphegor might become the new Big Bad (no thanks), so Cas did the only right thing at that moment and kills him, which of course was yet another torture, as Belphegor was still wearing Jack’s body. Cas already blames himself for Jack’s death and now he had to symbolically kill him again. And of course Cas couldn’t have known that this action would lead to Rowena’s sacrifice, so Dean blaming him for that is yet another thing.

Rowena the Brave

I have grown quite fond of Rowena over the years, especially since they moved her story away from Crowley and focused more on her. I’m not sure yet how to feel about her death to be honest. It was a great death scene (with phenomenal acting from both Ruth and Jared), it was a worthy end to her story, and yet I do not like in general killing of female characters, especially powerful, layered and complex female characters. And obviously this death beats her previous deaths because it had happened in her own terms, it was her own choice and she died a hero. I do believe she already had this plan B of hers in the back of her mind, knowing that something could go wrong with plan A. that is why she choose Sam as her assistant, knowing that when worse comes to worse she needed him to kill her.

And what is so interesting is her reasoning for her death. She claims that she does not care about Sam and Dean or the world, at least not enough to give her own life. But she believes in magic and in prophecies. Which actually is the opposite of Team Free Will, of believing in choice and rewriting your destiny. And the thing is, Rowena doesn’t have to die. If the Ghostapocalypse would have happened she probably would have survived, given her resurrection sachet. This is not a situation where she would have died either way, so she chose the one where she at least would save the others. But to her it is clear that everything that is happening is destined to be: the world about to end, her spell that needs the ultimate sacrifice and Sam with her. And of course it had to be Sam; killing herself would not have worked (or so she assumes), for her final death it had to be Sam killing her. And I always thought she took some comfort from knowing it would be Sam who kills her; Sam who would not be unnecessarily cruel. In the end she chose her death and the circumstances of it; Sam only killed her because she asked him to do it.

Rowena’s death mirrors both Crowley’s and Sam’s death, the two men she was closest to. Her final words are almost the same as Crowley’s and she lets herself fall into the open gates of hell the way Sam did in 5x22. Each of them (Rowena, Crowley, Sam) died to save the world, to protect the ones they love. So is this the end of Rowena? I saw some speculation floating around that she could become the new Queen of Hell, which I would approve. And is Sam now getting more into magic? Rowena already claims he is the most magical talented among them. We will see.

Break me up before you go-go

Let’s talk about that final scene between Cas and Dean, shall we? *rubshands* As I already said obviously Cas is not to blame for Rowena’s death. He couldn’t have known that his action would lead to her sacrificing herself. He did the best he could in the situation with Belphegor. So Dean blaming him for Rowena’s death is just an excuse. Dean is angry, at himself, the world, Chuck, and also Cas. But Cas is currently the only one he can throw at his anger. Dean decides for Cas that he is the one who will escort Belphegor to hell, and as Belphegor notices neither Sam or Dean seem to care too much about Cas, giving the risk of the mission.

Everything that happens hits all of Cas’s buttons, all his insecurities at once. He is afraid Sam and Dean don’t care about him and only want him around because he is useful. His powers are fading, which has actually nothing to do with Dean’s behaviour towards him, but to Cas it reads different. He fears he has no place in their family, telling Dean that at least Sam and Dean have each other. With Jack dead, with Chuck seemingly gone, he thinks he no longer has a reason to stay around. All of Dean’s behaviour made it obvious that he does not care about Cas, at least in Cas’s eyes. And on top of that Dean called him ‘wrong’. Cas has always been accused to be wrong, mostly from his angelic family. Too much heart, too close to the humans in his charge. Now his human family has dismissed him as well.

Ironically one of Dean’s greatest fear comes true as well: everyone he loves will leave him eventually. Though of course he is responsible for Cas leaving them. What is interesting about the Dean-Cas-Break-Up-scene is that it is happening at such an early point of the season. All their issues have been addressed and communicated. Dean knows now that Cas is afraid he does not care about him, that he only wants him around when he is useful, that he has no place in their family. It is up to Dean to prove him wrong. All of this need to happen in order for them to overcome their problems, to get to a healthier place in their relationship. Looking forward to it.

Until next week my lovelies <3

#supernatural #spn 15x03 #the rupture #spn meta #my meta

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diminuel · 5 years

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I am enjoying your comments/spec about S15, and I wanted to ask about the Cas being angry at Sam topic, if you happen to feel like answering. I’ve actually been feeling like Cas has been a bit off toward Sam for a long time (I could be biased; one of my enduring disappointments in SPN is their failure to develop Sam & Cas’s friendship/bond the way I think it should have and could have been). Like, for example, my entire household watched the Apocalypse episode where Sam dies in the tunnel twice and our perception of that scene was still kind of “Did Cas seriously just let Sam get eaten by vampires???” (to be fair, it almost happened to Dean as well). I don’t know if it was the writing or the directing or what, but I felt like they kept showing Cas, really not that far away, unconcernedly stacking rocks even after things were clearly getting kind of hairy for the boys. It took him a small eternity after Sam and Dean were shouting for each other and Sam got bitten to finally wander out of the rock place. And then he was a little quick to be like “welp, Sam’s dead, let’s go, Dean.” I know Misha Collins did the angsty face, but it lacked sincerity for me (the whole scene lacked impact, though, I thought). Did I miss something? And then in the Stepford-ish episode, I know it was supposed to be funny, and it’s nice that Dean and Cas communicate, but I felt not great about Cas sharing everything with Dean, including the embarrassing things. It was played for laughs, but I think Sam’s sense of betrayal was a little sincere (though it is Cas, so I don’t expect him to be able to be perfectly sensitive to this kind of thing) and it sort of drove the point home for me about the disconnect between them. Anyway, I’m just … grumpy about it. I felt like around S9 Sam and Cas were getting to a really good place, getting over some of their earlier hiccups, and then it just … I don’t know, sometimes it seems like Sam has a decent amount of familial affection but Cas is just like “Eh, Sam.” Or may be low-key resentful of him. Is it my imagination? Do you have any thoughts about it, or the Sam & Cas relationship/the show’s handling of it, in general? (That’s kind of a broad question, sorry). If it’s not something that’s interesting to you right now, though, definitely go ahead and ignore. I also had some strong feelings about the whole potential for MCD at the end - saw some disturbing stuff on the blogs as well as some of your tweets, though the interview you just reblogged is mildly reassuring? - and accidentally fell into another rant about MCD and SPN if you feel like some wank.

Anyway - stay cool (as a confirmed pansy who cannot handle anything over 24 C you have my deepest sympathies) and good luck with things! Thanks for your time <3

—-

Yay! SPN discussion time! I miss that.

I haven’t actually paid as much attention to the development of Sam and Cas’ relationship as I should have, I must admit that. I whole-heartedly agree with you about the scene in the tunnels. It made very little sense to me overall - why not have powerful/ harder to kill angels bring up the front and the rear? How did those angels (even though one of them was depowered) with their angelic senses not notice that the tunnels were full with approaching vampires? How were they so slow to react? Why didn’t Cas just go grab Sam, dead or not?

I think this was a case of trying to wrap character actions and reactions (and abilities) around a plot, instead of working the plot around the characters. They just wanted Lucifer to show up and heal Sam. It had no meaning and impact and could easily have been written in a way that didn’t make Cas look so incompetent and lacking empathy.

The Peace of Mind (is that the name?) episode was more enjoyable to me. And I didn’t read that Cas sharing things with Dean scene as having a particular negative impact on Sam. His reaction doesn’t really come across as all that negative in my mind. Though it’s true that Cas would not really understand why this wasn’t necessarily something he has to share with Dean. Though I don’t think it was particularly embarrassing for Sam in the grander scheme of things.

Sam and Cas clearly haven’t had the amount of development Dean and Cas enjoyed in the show. I don’t think Cas holds any resentment or cold feelings for Sam at all. I think he loves him deeply, but he’s not really all that good at expressing it any other way than to try to be useful, put them first and sacrifice for the Winchesters. But he seems to be happy to mimic any kind of affection Sam gives him (like, Sam taught him how to hug! And Cas seemed so happy to do it!) The issues is that we don’t really get any idea about Sam and Cas’ relationship. We get bits and pieces of info from the show that Dean and Cas have things they share and do together that go beyond hunting (like watching cowboy movies together). For Sam most of the interaction he has with Cas are case related or problem solving (Dean problems, often, more recently Jack related). They don’t seem to do a lot together beyond that.

And Sam didn’t mourn Cas the way Dean mourned him, neither did he really get any screen time devoted to showing him how glad he was that he’s back. Their relationship was totally side-lined. Which is why I was glad to see them on a case together, just to get a feel of where they’re at, when they’re not being overshadowed by the “more profound bond” (sorry, I had to bring this one up) between Dean and Cas. But then Sam spent a big part of the episode being under a spell. Hah... I feel I should rewatch the last couple of seasons, keeping an eye on Sam and Cas’ relationship.

The reason I mention Cas maybe being angry at Sam is mostly just because I - if I were Cas - would be angry at Sam’s involvement concerning Jack. Sam’s the one who’s more willing to forgive and he put all that effort and faith into Jack. And he didn’t think about calling Cas to talk about Jack and Dean’s plan to lock him up? Sam didn’t like it but he went along with it. He didn’t take Cas’ side for Jack (though he reacted sort of disapprovingly to Dean’s treatment of Cas). Maybe Cas wouldn’t be angry, more disappointed maybe?

And I’m up for any SPN related rants and wank. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts about many things. *lol*

#Anon #submission #Diminuel replies #Supernatural

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years

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11/07/2019 DAB Transcript

Ezekiel 16:42-17:24, Hebrews 8:1-13, Psalms 106:13-31, Proverbs 27:7-9

Today is the 7th day of November. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It's great to be here with you as we continue the journey through our week. And the trail leads us back into the prophetic book of Ezekiel today. We’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week. And today Ezekiel chapter 16 verse 42 through 17 verse 24.

Commentary:

Okay. If what we were reading in the book of Hebrews, especially the last part of what we were reading in Hebrews sounded vaguely or even very familiar, that’s because we’re reading Hebrews, quoting extensively from the book of Jeremiah. In fact, this is the longest Old Testament quotation found in the New Testament, it’s in Hebrews 8. So, to begin understand why a very lengthy quotation from Jeremiah chapter 31 is found in the book of Hebrews then we need to refocus on what is right before us the, name of this book or letter, Hebrews. Hebrews was written for Hebrews. So, the Hebrew or Jewish sensibilities, the entire worldview and context is foundational, is irreplaceable in this book. So, most of us are Gentile and most of us…well not most of us…all of us are several thousand years removed from the writing of this letter. But most of us are not a natural born Hebrew person. And yet all of the things that are being discussed are from a Hebrew perspective in Hebrews and for that matter for most of the Bible. And, so, we've grown accustomed to certain ways that things were done. Whether we understand them or not we kinda have a little bit of an overview of the Hebrew culture, at least biblically. So, imagine if there wasn't anything called the Old Testament, the Torah. What if there weren't the law and the prophets? What if they didn't exist? Then what we’re reading in Hebrews wouldn’t make any sense at all because it's coming completely from a Hebrew context as it relates to what we now call the Old Testament. So, we have to have our minds pretty clear here that the entire…like the whole premise for the book of Hebrews is to systematically provide evidence and theological statements about a new covenant and a new high priest and why that matters. And if any evidence could not be found, like from previous times in this culture then this would be like a newfangled invention that would be very hard for people to swallow. In fact, even with the evidence it was pretty hard for people to swallow. But the writer of Hebrews quoted Jeremiah at length because the prophecy found in Jeremiah foretold a coming new covenant. So, when Hebrews was written Jeremiah’s prophecy was already centuries old, but it wasn't something that…that had fallen into obscurity. It was part of the Hebrew Scriptures, was part of the prophets. So, it was known. And people who were devout in their faith, they would've known what was being talked about here. So, the author of Hebrews is basically saying, “this isn’t surprising…like this isn't surprising news. We've been waiting for this. This was foretold. This is what we've been looking for.” So, people who had begun to follow Jesus weren’t attempting to like to invent a new religion, make completely new inventions inside the faith. They were simply…they were announcing that what had been promised had come, and there was a new covenant. So…so the writer of Hebrews is like, “if the first covenant had no faults there would be no need for a second covenant to replace it. So, in this first covenant, priests represented the people and they fulfilled the sacrifices and rituals and customs and holidays, holy days, that they understood were the obligations of the law. But according to Hebrews, all of that effort, as good as it was and is, is only a copy, a foreshadowing of…of what's really going on in heaven. So, kind of following the train of thought, if there were a new covenant that had been foretold a long time ago, and as the writer of Hebrews is pointing out that is the case because it's found in the book of Jeremiah. If a new covenant actually did become valid and it had been instituted by the Lord God the most high, himself, then there would be a need for a new high priest to preside over that agreement. And that's what the author of Hebrews is getting at. We have a high priest who sat down in the place of honor beside the throne of the majestic God in heaven, where He ministers in the heavenly tabernacle. So, let’s just zoom back here to our modern times understanding that we’re mostly Gentile people. And, so, we can read this, and we can even understand it. If we’ve spent any time in the Old Testament, we can understand what's happening here. But it’s pretty complicated and highly theological. And, so, we can…we can pretty much zone out and just be like, “it's like…it's in the Bible…I accept it. I don't understand how the tediousness of this.” But if we had been in the first century and we had been a Hebrew and we had been devout in our faith, what is being said here is so profoundly revolutionary that most…most people didn't embrace the idea that God actually was doing something new in the world through a Messiah as spoken in Jeremiah. Like, they believed that was gonna happen, but very, very complicated. Like, they would've expected it to be more obvious. The thing about Hebrews is that it's intention wasn't to convince a Hebrew person to…to renounce their religious convictions and move to a different religion called Christianity. None of that was formed yet. Like, just the idea of people who believe in Jesus being called Christians was brand-new. So, nobody was trying to talk anybody out of their faith. It was actually the opposite. It was to reveal Jesus to the Jewish or Hebrew people as the foretold expected next step in their faith. So, Hebrews was unveiling the ongoing Hebrew story within the context of what God was inviting His people into, this new covenant. The shadow of the old covenant was being replaced by an unbroken and unblemished new covenant, presided over by a sinless high priest in heaven. So, for a Hebrew in the first century who’s devout hearing this, it would have indeed been monumentally good news if it were true, because it would mean that the final sacrifice had been made and that…that sin wasn't an issue anymore. The law was fulfilled, which was just a bridge too far for most people. But at the same time, as Hebrews is pointing out, this has been foretold. Like, this isn't new news. It's old news that is now coming to fruition. And it’s not the only thing that Jeremiah foretold. “The time will come” according Jeremiah here. “I the Lord will write my laws on their minds and hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people. Not one of them will have to teach another to know me their Lord. All of them will know me no matter who they are. I will treat them with kindness, even though they are wicked. I will forget their sins.”

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for all of the different ways that it that it stretches us. We thank You for the book of Hebrews and allowing us to understand the good news through the lens of the Jewish context and experience. And we thank You that You foretold what was going to happen all the way back in the book of Jeremiah. And then we have this interpretation in the book of Hebrews to contextualize it into the first century and we have been doing ever since, which brings us to today with a great high priest, presiding over a new covenant that tells us that we have been adopted into the family of God, Your family. We are Your family and that is news that is so good it's almost impossible to comprehend. So, Holy Spirit we ask that You make it a reality in our lives so that we live accordingly, revealing Your kingdom at work in this world. Come Holy Spirit we pray. Into all of this we ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website and that makes it home base. That’s where you find out what's going on around here.

That is where the Prayer Wall lives. That's in the Community section, where continual prayer for and asking…giving and receiving of prayers are happening on a continual basis there. So, be familiar with that. That's always a place to reach out to. In that same section, the Community section of the website, you’ll find all of the different links to the different social media channels that we are on. So, that is also a good thing to be aware of if you're on social media.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link and it's on the homepage. It just lives there. And I thank you profoundly and with all humility for those of you who have clicked that link over the years. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner of the app or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

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hereticalheraldry · 5 years

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Disney Princesses’ trauma types

IE, definitely the darkest take on Disney I have ever done!

(see this post on trauma types)

Lots of Disney characters have had Adverse Childhood Experiences (death of mothers, to start with!) and exhibit signs of traumatic stress. Below are my guesses as to their chosen coping mechanism.

What 4F trauma type is each Disney character below (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn)

Snow White (dead mother, dead father, abusive and neglectful stepmother, stepmother literally tried to have her killed): It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this, but I’d say it’s Fawn-Flight. She is unerringly sweet. Her immediate reaction when in any form of danger (with a strange man, the huntsman, or the dwarves) is to try to appease, appeal, and make friends. She also has a ton of energy (flight), which she channels into obsessive cleaning, though she doesn’t seem to edge far enough into that to call it OCD. She also literally ran away in a segment that makes obvious how her fear drives her to flight.

Cinderella (dead father, abusive and neglectful stepfamily treats her as a slave): another Fawn-Flight. Unfailingly kind and sweet. So desperate for friends that she befriends the MICE. Also an incredibly hard worker (though tbf, her stepfamily forces that on her). When traumatized by stepsisters yanking to pieces her clothing (both a destruction of her hard work and a physical assault) she literally runs away into the garden to cry. She also runs away from the ball at midnight rather than turning back right there and explaining to the prince that she only got to go to the ball through magic because her family is abusive and probably stole her inheritance. Cinderella gets the wish that many with CPTSD have: that somebody would swoop in and rescue them! She gets rescued twice: by her fairy godmother AND by the prince.

Peter Pan (abandoned in Kensington Gardens and brought up by fairies, who are not the most emotionally stable beings out there): Flight. Classic ADHD: response: runs all over the island fighting, flying, and crowing. (Also literally flies.)

Ariel (dead mother, controlling and abusive father): Freeze-Flight. Instead of trying to please her excessively harsh father, like her hard-working singing sisters, Ariel ditches not only practices but CONCERTS in order to get away from her father and lose herself in her collecting hobby. She has a secret place where she hides in order to fantasize about having a different life in an entirely different place, away from her family. Her friends attempt to persuade her that life on land is impracticable for her. But when her father destroys her hidey-hole, she is retraumatized and resorts to flight to someone she thinks can fix her problems for her by making her human and sending her to the surface: she therefore literally runs away, and tries to get both Ursula and Eric to save her and get her away from her father.

Prince Eric: Surprisingly non-traumatized! I mean, as far as I remember.

Belle: non-traumatized? (at least to start with. I mean, we can always suggest Stockholm Syndrome later...) DOES seem to think she’s entirely different from everyone else around her (a common CPTSD symptom). Maybe traumatized by mother’s death? Bullying from the neighbors? Becoming a parentified child to take care of her absent-minded (though affectionate) father? Unaccustomed poverty? In any case, except for the trauma of her father’s near death and her own imprisonment, she is unusually competent and calm. If she edges toward anything, it’s probably Freeze-Flight: she has a pronounced capacity to become absorbed in fiction and ignore everything around her. When irritated by Gaston’s insulting and bullying proposal, she physically retreats entirely from the village in order to sing about how she wants to leave her poor provincial town for the great wide somewhere. She is fixated on escape, either mentally or physically.

Beast (dead parents, raised by servants who deferred to him rather than parenting him): Fight-Freeze. Hides in his castle; when encounters people is an ASSHOLE. Interestingly, Fight-Freeze types are notoriously hard to treat. Belle might have a future in psychotherapy if she can build better boundaries.

Aladdin (dead parents, has to eat to live, has to steal to eat, ostracized by his community, frequently threatened with death or maiming for theft): feels entirely different from the rest of the world. Flight. frequently in a state of frenetic energy, though a lot of that is because he’s stealing food and escaping the cops. His idea of a great date is to get Jasmine away from the palace: to escape and help her to do the same. intense feelings of shame and inferiority (despite his insistence that there’s so much more to him). He tries to hide from Jasmine the truth of his low-rank identity, though he does eventually recognize the need to tell her the truth.

Jasmine: surprisingly untraumatized (mostly just a healthy assertive), considering what she’s been through (dead mother, parentified child of a nice but absent-minded father who, judging from his looks, is closely related to Maurice; isolated from peers and almost everyone but her pet. I mean, there MUST be servants in the palace, but all you ever see are the guards...) She recognizes when people are treating her unfairly and says so, which makes her unusual among Disney heroes and heroines!

Simba (father died, was told it was his fault, was forced to leave home, almost died in the wilderness, subsequently raised by a couple of irresponsible weirdos): Flight. Literally runs away from his problems instead of facing them. Keeps himself busy with Timon and Pumbaa in order to occupy his mind.

Pocahontas: Non-traumatized! (Dead mother, but strong emotional connection with father and strong emotional support system in her community. Not to mention a maternal figure in the shape of a talking tree in whom she can confide.) DOES feel different from everyone else in her community, though. (Are you sensing a theme?)

John Smith (father died when Smith was 16, he left home, went to sea, served as a mercenary, engaged in piracy, fought the Ottomans): Flight. Constantly on the move: seeing new places, meeting new people, and killing them. Overachiever. Can’t sit still in England. However, he does have some healthy assertive skills and is able to stand up to people in power.

Quasimodo (holy emotional abuse, Batman!): Freeze. Taught that the outside world is cruel and wicked and that he can only be safe inside the cathedral. Daydreams to the point where he almost believes the gargoyles come alive and talk to him. Manages to overcome his Freeze instincts to save Esmerelda.

Esmerelda: Not traumatized, despite apparent lack of living parents and her position as an oppressed social minority. Probably the result of loving parenting while they were alive and strong community support from the rest of the Roma of Paris. Another heroine with healthy assertive traits!

Phoebus: Not apparently currently suffering from traumatic stress (though may have had periods of it in the past: he’s a crusader, after all). Surprisingly well-adjusted.

Hercules (kidnapped at a very young age and taken away from a one life to be placed in another, ENTIRELY different life. Despite strong emotional support from adoptive parents, has been rejected and bullied by his community. Feels he is entirely different from everybody else [I mean, he kind of is]): Flight. Yes, that’s right, flight, not fight. Hercules may be a “fighter” but he is a SUPER non-aggressive guy. Gentleness embodied. Feels he has to achieve something huge in order to be worthy of love and affection from the world (and especially from his divine father, who has literally told him that he has to earn his way back to Olypus by becoming a True Hero). Tendency toward despair when the people whose love and affection he thought he had (Phil and Megara) abandon and betray him. Eventually earns everybody’s love and affection--which is not the greatest lesson ever. Shouldn’t Disney be teaching us that we deserve love even if we never become heroes?

Megara (super traumatic history): Fawn-Fight. Puts the good of the people she loves WAY before her own, to an unhealthy level (sacrifices her own soul in order to save a man, who then abandons her). Seems sarcastic and rough, but heart of gold underneath. Acts like she’s superior, but actually feels enormous guilt and shame, with low self-esteem. Won’t say she’s in love.

Mulan (inconsistent expectations from her family and community. Sometimes her family supports who she is, defends her, and puts up with her unusual behavior; at other times they join with her community in criticizing her [lightly if frequently]. They apparently did not teach her society’s gender roles but then expects her to abide by them in public): she feels entirely different from everybody else and that she has to prove herself. Doesn’t know who she is inside. CANNOT behave the way she has been taught she should; is clearly triggered by a criticism from her father. Flight. Seems almost hyperactive, can’t keep silent when her society tells her she should. Driven to act and to succeed in order to prove her worth and bring honor to her family. Again, EARNS everybody’s love and respect in the end.

Shang: Possible inferiority issues from his relationship with her father. Not enough data.

Mushu (constant criticism; scapegoated by the ancestors): Flight. Has channeled this coping mechanism into ADHD (and humor). Feels the need to prove he is worthy of his spot (I mean, the ancestors TOLD him he did...)

Tarzan (storm and fire killed everyone around him in his infancy; parents had to resettle entirely alone in an alien land; parents were brutally killed right in front of him; he was nearly killed and eaten twice by a leopard; adopted by nonhuman animals; rejected by father figure and much of his nonhuman community): Realistically, I WOULD say that Tarzan should not be able to learn to SPEAK, since he doesn’t appear to have acquired language until his mid to late twenties. However, the film makes clear that the gorillas have a complex spoken language that can convey complicated thoughts like, “Jane will stay with Tarzan”. Feels entirely different from the rest of his community (he is). Scapegoated and constantly criticized for being different. I genuinely don’t know what his style is. lol

The elephant in tarzan: It’s been too long since I’ve seen this film, somebody do this one lol

Cuzco (dead parents, running an empire in his early twenties, nobody has apparently ever taught him limits, appears to have a very emotionally isolated life): Fawn-Fight. Extremely narcissistic, though his character development reveals that he does have a conscience underneath there somewhere. Charming but highly self-centered. Good with words and fast-talking, so may be Flight or gifted. Behavior improves quickly and immensely when provided with the emotional support (and healthy boundaries) of an ersatz family.

Lilo (loss of both parents; being parented by a highly stressed and very young adult who is struggling with poverty and her own trauma): Flight. Gifted, imaginative, ADHD, constantly into everything, constantly in trouble. Sometimes slides into Fight with defiant behavior.

Nani (loss of parents, pressure of having to parent her little sister and provide income for both of them at a very young age): Fight. Her temper gets the better of her when she’s upset, but she’s really trying.

Marlin (loss of his wife and all his children but one): Freeze. Constantly hiding from the perceived dangers of the world and trying to teach his son to do the same. Very nurturing of his child, despite his difficulty overcoming his own trauma. Considering he is a Freeze type, going on a big journey to save his son demonstrates ENORMOUS bravery.

Dori (???): Flight-Freeze. ADHD, constantly on the move, can’t sit still, just keeps swimming, just keeps swimming, swimming, swimming. I include Freeze because her difficulties with her memories may be a dissociative effect of trauma, and dissociation falls under Freeze.

Tiana (loss of beloved father, poverty, traumatizing lifelong experience of systemic racism, somewhat ameliorated by loving and supportive mother): Flight. The classic driven, achievement-obsessed workaholic. Always seems to only be halfway there. Fate helps her overcome these tendencies by forcing her to fail in her quest to become human again (and therefore to open her restaurant), though she actually does succeed soon after anyway. Actually, DID she overcome these tendencies? Like, she toned it down enough to maintain an apparently lasting romantic relationship, but she might still be a workaholic...

Naveen (highly critical parents): Flight. Constantly traveling care-for-nothing that can’t seem to stick to anything. Deep down has low self-esteem about his lack of achievement and how he can’t seem to please his parents. Demonstrates some symptoms of ADD or ADHD. Tiana and Naveen demonstrate how “Flight” behaviors can results in two very different character types!

Rapunzel (holy shit: kidnapped in infancy and raised by a woman who is demonstrably emotionally abusive and negligent and literally is only keeping her alive for her hair. Imprisoned in a tower almost entirely without company her ENTIRE LIFE. Demonstrates painful mood swings between delight and horrific guilt when she finally escapes for the first time. I seriously wonder how long her mental recovery took after Mother Gothel’s death...): Flight-Fawn. Overachiever, constantly doing EVERYTHING, EXTREMELY QUICKLY (cleans the entire place top-to-bottom between 7:00 and 7:15 AM). Literally runs away. Makes friends immediately with almost everybody she meets, including a gang of hardened, violent criminals. Wants desperately to be loved, but believes very quickly that Eugene doesn’t like her after all and has abandoned her. Note that it is not Rapunzel that kills Mother Gothel but Pascal. Rapunzel is so emotionally traumatized that she probably could never bring herself to “betray” Gothel in any real way.

Eugene Fitzherbert (orphaned; raised in an institutional setting, which is notoriously traumatizing. Poverty, social rejection): Flight. Channels his immense energy into complicated and daring heists. Adrenaline junkie. He thinks he wants to rest on a deserted island with an enormous pile of money, but I can guarantee that he would get antsy after a week (at most) and go back to his life of crime in order to distract himself from his pain.

Merida (was in a life-endangering encounter with a bear as a young child; her father was maimed. Has emotional support from her father, but her mother--primary caregiver, especially of a daughter--is highly critical): Flight. Tons of energy, adrenaline junkie, climbs a frickin WATERFALL, overachiever in her chosen hobbies. Greatly dislikes quiet pursuits like embroidery, possibly because they leave too much time for contemplation, and she needs more distraction.

Elsa (almost killed her beloved younger sister by accident, treated by her parents as dangerous and frightening, almost entirely isolated for most of her life): Freeze (HAHA) and Flight. Has been taught to retreat alone from a world that will reject her. Experiences enormous shame and guilt for herself, her gifts, and how dangerous she can be. Classic perfectionist. Attempts to protect herself and others by shutting down all emotions. When she fails, she literally runs away to live entirely alone forever to escape the storm of the rest of the world, because the cold of isolation “never bothered her anyway” (an obvious lie she has taught herself). “Let It Go” sounds like an anthem of freedom, but Elsa is actually literally running from her problems and from any human connection.

Anna (almost died as a small child, which she doesn’t directly remember, but may still cause her traumatic reactions. her beloved older sister SUDDENLY refused even to SEE her, and her parents wouldn’t talk about it, so she probably felt in some obscure way that there was something wrong with HER, that it was all her fault. Then isolated almost entirely in the palace, and certainly isolated from other children, followed by the death of her parents and the CONTINUED isolation from her sister and anybody other than servants): flight-fawn. she seems possibly a little ADD, a little hyperactive (rides her bike around the halls), impulsive. VERY friendly and sweet to almost everybody she meets, desperate to make friends. Dreams of being rescued through marriage to a prince that she loves at first sight. Desperate to be loved.

Moana: probably NOT traumatized, for the most part. She DOES feel entirely different from everybody else (”what is wrong with me?”) because her instinctive love of the ocean has been criticized and squelched by her father and her society. However, despite her father’s clear struggle with his own trauma from the survivor’s guilt of his best friend’s drowning, this is one of the healthier families/societies we see in Disney! The silence around the death of Chief Tui’s best friend is meant to be kind, but I think Tui probably needs to talk it out more, and while I understand why they didn’t tell Moana about it as a young child, I feel like she SHOULD have been told before her father’s reactions to her hurt her own self-image: he’s actually just projecting his own guilt onto the daughter who is so much like him. She is less traumatized than she might otherwise be because she has both her mother, and especially her grandmother, to confide in. If Moana has a trauma style, I would say it’s Flight: she’s an overachiever who is constantly rushing from one task, one way to help, to another. In a deleted song, she also talks about walking around the island so much that she knows exactly how many steps it is to the ocean. She always wants to get away. All of this is classic Flight. Chief Tui is Fight. he’s not aggressive, but he IS controlling.

Maui (Most of the trauma in this film comes from Maui. he was abandoned as a baby, and probably almost died. grew up with the knowledge that he was not wanted by his parents. grew up away from human society): Flight-Fawn. Has spent the rest of his life trying to earn acceptance, love, and gratitude from humans. Constantly does crazy and death-defying tasks to try to win them over., but It never brings him true fulfillment. He clearly DESPERATELY wants to be recognized, celebrated, and loved for his achievements and his gifts, which makes him into a brash show-off.

#disney #long post is long #disney princesses

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itgetsbetterproject · 5 hours

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📚 QUEERBOOK 2024 is hereee! We made a book by and for LGBTQ+ youth! ��️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Last year, we asked LGBTQ+ youth: what's your idea of a "queer utopia?"

It's also no accident that it's the perfect small-ish size to stash in your locker or backpack so you can crack it open any time you're looking for some queer connection. :3

Read some more about the book and grab your own limited-run copy of Queerbook 2024 now here.

#itgetsbetter #queerbook #lgbtq youth #queer youth #trans youth #queer lit #lgbtq books #studyblr #lgbtqia

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abs0luteb4stard · 5 years

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My spiritual war began half a lifetime ago. And I will carry it on even after I'm dead one day. Ω

Most people are raised with a religion or beliefs.

Some of them lose faith. Some become atheists. Some stay where they are in believing.

I I suppose I haven't fully stopped believing in a spiritual power/experience.

Call it the "God Gene" (VMAT2) or illogical stupidity, But I just can't purge that notion from my head.

According to the God Gene Hypothesis: "Spirituality is supposed to provide an evolutionary advantage by providing individuals with an innate sense of optimism."

I do not feel that optimism that there is a God or sentient universe out there. Or that "God has a plan".

I feel unspeakably betrayed.

When I was a young kid. I think I was very well behaved. I cared. I had a great heart. If that wasn't good enough for any god. Then they don't follow their own teachings.

When I got to middle school. I was scared. Three local schools were merged all my friends were lost in the shuffle. I thought it'll be difficult to make new friends, but I had hope.

Well, that hope wasn't lost. It was gouged out and raped from my spirit. Not just spiritually but my spirit of hope caring and goodness.

The bullying. They called me faggot, poor boy, foreigner (born here but was given a "foreign" name) on and on. They spit in my books. They knocked my books out of my hands everyday, between every class. Choked me, beat me, spit on me. There wasn't just a group, the group spread rumors and enlisted others in their attacks on me. Even my old friends from elementary school abandoned me because association with me was repugnant to their social standing. I once saw a buddy from elementary and said hello at his locker only to be ignored like I didn't exist.

Those 2 years of middle school left me completely empty. I remember I went to sleep every weeknight praying to die in my sleep. Ashamed at how that would hurt my parents if it came true. Then I would be woken up for school the next morning secretly crying because I was still alive and had to go through another day.

If there was a gun I would have gladly killed every one of those motherfuckers who were bullying me.

Especially Chas. He was the one who got the ball rolling on my destruction. How a dickhead who was seemingly proud of his failure of the 7th grade the year before I came there had such social clout with these pieces of shit I'll never understand.

High school was hell, but it slowly matured. Not without its own degrading moments where I was bullied or attacked or pushed down or spit on. But I think those who were there were preparing for their college or next step.

My grades were average. My spirit was broken already. My hope was nowhere. I was lucky to graduate probably.

I'm no longer normal. Those years of abuse at school changed me irrevocably. Everyday for 2 years. Non-stop. Physical, emotional, mental, pen tips pressed into the back of my neck till a bled. A pen cap pushed into my ear luckily it didn't hit my ear drum.

Principals, counselors, nobody did anything. Anything they did do was either a warning or giving me a punishment for retaliations.

I was punished for someone abusing me.

So I dropped out of local community college after a spotty 2 years. Continued schooling just came with anxieties and fear. I'd already had my life's share of that. I needed surgery and after I just let go of further education. Of a career of any kind.

Now I'm 33, soon to be 34. And these things that have effected me since half my life ago still affect me today. Call it C-PTSD or anxiety or trauma, social phobia, agoraphobia. It's all the same to me.

The bullies are gone but make no mistake theyre haunting me.

So where the fuck was God?

Where was his miracle for me?

Why didn't he spilt the red sea for me? I'm not as important as Moses. Where was his warning that I should build a boat like Noah?

No burning bush, no "hey Abraham, go kill your son", nothing. Not from this god or any fucking god.

Not once.

But some stupid genetic marker (VMAT2) anchors me to believe?

In the years since school I went through the divorce of my parents which was particularly hard if you knew me you'd understand.

My dad needed a 2nd open heart surgery which led to a big stroke from a clot that broke off. His arm and leg that were effected mostly came back. But his mind was effected permanently. The parts of the brain that were injured left him with memory problems. He couldn't live on his own, he'd already come back home with my mom and me before that to live with us after a hard hip replacement surgery.

Then I went through my mother's surprise lung cancer diagnosis, surgery, and so far no signs of it returning. Luckily it was found early after she had a cold and cough they wouldn't go away and got a chest x-ray.

Now my dad 4.5 years after his stroke and ongoing memory problems, he woke up yesterday the happiest man who ever lived, he had so much love and kisses and hugs to give.

But shockingly he completely forgot who I was. He thought I was a visiting neighbor. He forgot who my mom was. But he was happy to meet his son and wife for the first time again in this new place (it's the same place and the same people he'd always known before).

But I am crushed. I'm so deeply affected. He's happy and jolly enough for 3 people to meet us...

But my mom and I are very sad. It's such a shock. While he is thankfully happy and comfortable with his 'new family' that we are. I've cried more than my muted emotions have let me cry in the last 15 years.

He told me he's sorry that he missed being part of my life before now. Nothing cut my heart up quite like that. He apologizes for not knowing or recognizing me.

I've been betrayed by God all my life or at least that VMAT2 gene chemically telling my brain there's a higher power.

I'm just not important enough. No miracles to help me get out of this PTSD or my other medical issues. No reprieve from these life threatening illnesses my parents got one after the other. And now my father doesn't know who I am anymore.

Maybe god like those bullies just hate me too? If were created in his image then he's as capable of hate and torturing as we his human creations are.

After all he made a bet with the devil that Job in the bible would keep the faith in God no matter what god did to him. He gave him diseases, killed his livestock, killed his family with sickness, and burned down his house. But the dumb motherfucker still loved god.

He gave him all be house, animals and family after the ordeal, but the other wife and children didn't deserve to die for a bet. "But they went to heaven". They still had potential energy, lives to live grow old and have their own families, but "God" killed them to prove he was right in bet to the devil. That an idiot would still love him after all that.

So maybe I can't stop believing in God, or have some leftover spirituality.

But I'm not as fucking forgiving ad that dumb motherfucker Job. But I'm also not willing to just walk away from God's game. I'm more than ever cemented my hate for God. I'm giving the devil sympathy or joining his side. If there is such a thing.

I'm instead giving God - ALL MY HATE.

I've got infinite amounts of anger and hate in me. For every millisecond of my torture in school I hate those pieces of shit, at one point that was all that kept me from killing myself. I'm filled to overflowing.

Now there's nothing and no one I hate more than God. I don't care about abortion, I don't care about pollution, I don't care about animals raised in cages and mutilated.

My dad is apologizing to me for what his stroke did to make him forget me. He's apologizing to me with regret, shame and love in his eyes for something that's not his fault.

WHERE IS GOD!? hmm? His love and miracles? His bullshit?!

God. Guardian Angels? Any God or Goddess. Any religion, pagan gods, gods that we don't even know existed. Where are they? Spirits? Demons? Satan himself? Useless.

I have declared a war on God deep down in my soul. I'm not here to preach or change your religion, make you an atheist or garner views or to promote the devil.

But rest assured I am going to kill God. My determination is absolute.

Not in a social or political sense, I'm not going to become Nietzsche 2.0.

I'm going to prepare my heart and soul. My physical body, my mental attitude, my spirit, my soul. My life might go until I'm 120 years old and I'm fine with that.

But God will know fear because I will teach it to him. God has a death wish and I'm that wish come true.

You think Abu Ghraib looked terrible? What I do to God will make that seem like a Kumbaya summer camp.

I don't know what god is, what makes a deity, fucked if know if such a thing even exists. But I will torture, maim, and kill God.

These neo-pagans with their "All Gods are one God."

That's fine by me. Get the all Gods in one place so I can kill that motherfucker with a smile on my face. Even if he's holding the universe together, like Atlas holding the world. If it means the end of all things then I'm more than satisfied to end reality.

If there's a physical aspect to him on some spiritual realm or whether it's simply a psychic thought of the living mind or some genetic predisposed delusion. Maybe I've lost my mind too, maybe there's nothing left but my madness.

My wrath makes God in the old Testament look like a spoiled 3 year old child. God will get what's coming to him.

He is mine and I am his.

"Nor sleep, nor sanctuary, being naked, sick, the prayers of priests, nor times of sacrifice shall lift up their rotten privilege and custom against my hate to Martius. Where I find him, were it at home, upon my brother's guard, even there, will I wash my fierce hand in his heart."

—AUFIDIUS; Shakespeare's "Coriolanus"

"I'll fight with none but thee, for I do hate thee."

—Caius Martius Coriolanus; play of the same name.

#my thoughts #my journal #journal #my post

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lashydsdomain · 5 years

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1-45 FOR SUGAR PUSH OWO

- How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

Bella usually wants to sleep with Harlow but he’s anxious about it since he’s turned her into a pin cushion multiple times in his sleep. I think Bella tends to wake up first and usually goes to make breakfast for the hive.

- How’s their team work? Do they share well?

Bell…. Probably shares a lot better than Harlow since he um. He tends to want and need a lot of attention and doesn’t always come to Bell for it. It bothers her but she still hasn’t said anything yet.

As for teamwork I think they tend to be alright at it? Nothing special, just how they do.

- Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection?

They’re a bit quiet about it since Harlow is a celebrity and Bella would prefer she not get a metric fuck ton of death threats. People know but not too many thankfully. Bell is a bit squirrely about PDA but she’s into it. She does prefer somewhere semi private though.

- First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

More like lust at first sight. They met in a park and Bella might have read his mind and died because he was thinking about railing her. It kill the Bell.

- Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

They call each other puppy and kitten and it’s kinda cute. There are likely a few in jokes but I can’t think of any right now whoops.

- Any tasks that are always left to one person?

Hm. Not really actually. Bella does majority of the cooking but Harlow does sometimes as well. She always appreciates when he does.

- What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?

Harlow being a damn ho. It bothers Bell to no end but she’s also aware he’s a hyper sexual motherfucker and she’s unsure if she wants to take on the full brunt of it. She does want him to stop though, she just hasn’t gotten around to talking with him about it because she’s a weenie.

He can also be a bit neglectful when he starts to hyper focus but she doesn’t blame him for that; she knows he can’t exactly help it.

- What do the like best about their partner?

Bell loves how genuinely kind he can be and how safe he makes her feel. He’s finally getting around and learning how to help her with her PTSD and she’s so proud of him for it.

- Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death?

Death is a somewhat common topic. They don’t really discuss children but they do have descendants eventually.

- Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?

Harlow drives 90% of the time, Bell usually cooks, cleans, and does handiwork, they both pay their own bills since they live semi separately, and Harlow always handles the public. Bella has too much anxiety for that.

- Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?

Harlow tends not to but he does occasionally for Bella and it shatters her poor heart to know he cares that much.

- Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?

If I remember right they do indeed get married as humans; it’s not something that’s been talked about too much but I have a feeling it might have been a kinda small one. That honeymoon lasted a good long while though.

- What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?

They do the usual couple things like movies n cuddling n shit; Bella isn’t much for people but occasionally Harlow can convince her to go out to a club with him. Bella also likes listening to Harlow work on his music but I don’t know if that’s exactly fun for DJ man himself.

- Anything they both dread?

Breaking up I think; I know it’s a big anxiety for Bella even if she’s thought about it quite a bit from both ends.

- How adventurous are they?

Bella isn’t super adventurous but will go along with just about anything Harlow asks her to do but she does have a few lines she refuses to cross.

- Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?

Bella keeps so many damn secrets. They were dating for two years before he found out why she has PTSD. She also lies occasionally if Harlow asks if she’s ok; it’s not so much because it’s him, it’s more so she feels if she says it she might feel better later.

Their relationship is semi open much to Bellas dislike so there isn’t much cheating going on. At least Harlow doesn’t talk about it with her.

- What would make them break up? Would it be permanent?

It’s been discussed that in order for them to have a functional relationship they might have to break up and get back together for Harlow to understand just how bad his actions effect Bell. I’m unsure if it’ll ever actually happen but it’s possible.

- What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

Typically they’re at home since Bella dislikes going out too much and Harlow can get bothered by fans in other places.I think it was about half a year until they started dating.Bella kind of feels like they need one right now if I’m honest. She’s very tired and her emotions are absolutely everywhere about him.

- What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?

Usually it’s something that was overlooked and caused a bad reaction. They’ve only really ever fought once though and it was because Harlow barely looked at Bell for around 2 or 3 months. They made up by talking it out and cuddling; it also affirmed with Bell that Harlow does really love her.

- What does their home look like? Their room?

They have separate homes and flip flop between them every now and then.

- Do they share any interests or hobbies?

They both really enjoy music. I think Harlow is interested in Bells magic even if it isn’t for a great reason but it’s there.

- Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?

They can both get absorbed into their work and kind of forget the outside world for a while. It’s rare but it does happen.

- How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

Often and A Lot. Harlow is a very physically affectionate person and Bella is the sponge to soak it all up. Harlow Really Enjoys teasing Bella. Absolutely adores it.

- Any doubts about the relationship?

Not sure on Harlows end but Bell does occasionally worry about him just using her and not really loving her but that’s mostly in the past but it won’t ever really go away. It’s that Anxiety™ man.

- How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in?

Quite a bit usually. Both tend to keep things to themselves and hide feelings until they bubble over. It’s Bad.

- How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?

Most of their friends didn’t exactly approve of the relationship when it started since Labelle can bit a bit of a push over and Harlow is kind of a fuckboy. Bella’s mom still doesn’t 100% approve of it but Bell is happy.I’m pretty sure Beans is ecstatic they’re together and that’s adorable.

- Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

They do eventually have kids, Lavora and Rydere, and are likely to stay together until Harlow dies. They have the possibility of breaking up but it’s not 100%

- What are their vacations like?

Probably somewhere abroad and fancy or somewhere deep in the woods just away from everything and everyone. Harlow likes the big crowds and lights but even he needs to recharge once in a while.

- How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?

Panic. That’s about it. Both panic if the other is hurt. Bell can thankfully heal her own wounds usually and Harlows powers heal him fairly fast.Minor injuries still worry each other I think, Bell hates seeing Harlow hurt at all.Neither have been sick but I have a feeling it would end in one of those really mushy ‘tending to your sick lover in bed’ situations.

- Could they manage a long distance relationship?

Occasionally they have to for months at a time since Harlow goes on tour. They talk usually every day unless Harlow is too busy and Bella catches what she can on TV.

- Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something?

I’d say no to all but Bell has a natural sense for if people are hiding something. She won’t pry too much but she does ask when she notices. Harlow is oblivious 90% of the time.

- Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous?

Usually mischievous but they have gotten into some pretty serious situations where one or both could have died.

- What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions?

Harlow tends to shower Bell in gifts from places he’s visited. Bell tries her best to find things he’s going to like but honestly she has no idea what to give him other than affection since if he wants something he can just. Buy it.

- Do they have any pets?

Harlow got Bell a support puppo that got named Beowoof. That’s about as close to owning pets together as they have since I don’t think their parents would enjoy being called pets.

- Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw?

It’s a mixed bag I’d say. I’d say it’s more accurate to say they bring out each others true selves as cheesy as that is. A fatal flaw would probably be that they don’t communicate how they’re (cough bella cough) feeling enough

- What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

Greatest strength I think would be quite literal. Between Harlows regeneration and strength and Bella’s magic the pair would likely be a bit terrifying. A weakness as above though is likely lack of communication.

- How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?

Both would kill for the other. There are a lot of lines that shouldn’t be crossed on Bells end but it’s more personal boundaries. She dislikes death but has killed a lot of people herself and is just a little miffed when Harlow does so.

- What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)For the most part they’re fairly rough and aggressive but the occasional soft loving sessions are adorable. There are a few things Bella won’t do but Harlow will do pretty much anything and everything.

- Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first? When did they realize they were in love?

It was Harlow I believe on the first two, and probably Bella on the third. She falls a bit easily if someone is too nice.

- Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?

The first time they met I think will always be one for Bella, even if it’s for her to laugh about most of the time. I don’t think there’s a special place though.

- Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

Bella hates parties but Harlow thrives in them so they go occasionally. Bella is an absolute mess when drunk and Harlow gets really lovey and affectionate. It’s not too common of an occurrence since Bella has had issues with alcohol before but it’s not rare. Maybe once a week or so for Bell at least.

- Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?

Bella lets Harlow get away with far too much.

- Do they talk often? What about?

They likely talk at least once a day. Probably just about how their day is going and just to check in and make sure they don’t need anything.

- Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

They’re very comfortable around each other for the most part. Both need time apart occasionally when they get overwhelmed.

- Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

Bell regrets not being more open with him and has a hard time doing it now. She just really hopes they stay together for a long time. Unsure about Harlow tho.

#sugar push #labelle #Anonymous #ask

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femnet · 5 years

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If you had asked me 20 years ago where my life would be right now, I would have, without hesitation, stated that I would be heading up some top tier legal team, living in a swanky high rise, and would have a closet even the ladies of Sex and the City would envy. If asked, I would have told you there was no way I would be a stay at home mom or volunteering on the PTA. That, I felt, was beneath me.

If I could smack my 16-year-old self upside the head right now, I would, and tell her that one of the most important things you can learn in life is to never say never!

I did finish college in 4 years but was very burned out from 21 hours a semester. I decided to put law school off “just for a year or two” and entered the world of Corporate America. I worked a temp job for a little bit before finding myself stumbling into a career in New Home Sales. To say that it was as thrilling as what I envisioned my legal career would have been would be a joke, but for a while it was fun. After a few years, I was pulling in six figures and knew there was no way I could go do anything else (without going back to school) and make that kind of money. Plus, career track aside, I did have a pretty killer closet.

Life did its thing, time kept going, and I found myself married with two boys. I kept working 50+ hours a week through my first 10 years of motherhood. In our industry, we were told that our sacrifice of time and weekends away from our families, of constantly working while on vacation, was appreciated and was the reason why we were paid the amount that we were. It was a necessary sacrifice we were told, and I believed, to support our families in the way we were. I did get two weekdays off, so while I could not attend weekend events, I still managed to become an officer in our PTA and volunteered at the school at least one, if not 2 days a week.

I tried to push to the back of my mind that a nanny had been the one to witness my 2nd son’s first steps and first words. I ignored the fact that I missed every single soccer game one season because I was in a new community and really trying to make it work; and that work would soon pay off, I just knew it. And it did all pay off, until one day it didn’t. One day it was all over. One day I was being let go for what I was told was performance, even though I knew I’d been targeted as an easy out for a competitive manager with a poorly performing area of town & a market beginning to soften.

My world turned upside down six months ago. I had never been in trouble at work, never been spoken to about my performance or anything and yet I still found myself at home one afternoon in utter shock of what had just happened.

Once the shock wore off, I began to take a good, hard look around and really didn’t like what I saw. I saw two boys who were 10 and 6 that had grown much too used to mom not being present at everything. They were ok with me missing school performances and sports events! Our 10-year-old has ADHD and was just barely getting through school, without me noticing! I looked in the mirror and saw a shell of the woman I had planned to be. I saw a woman who was exhausted from trying for so long to keep it all together, who had been clinging to the idea of keeping up with everyone around me in both work and home life, and the candle had definitely been burning at both ends!

Can you actually have it all? Not the way I was doing it!

I confessed to my husband that I hated my job and hated what it had turned me into, and while it would be easy for me to panic and rush right out to another builder and get another job selling homes, I really felt like I could no longer do that and be true to myself. I received a settlement from my previous company, and it was enough to buy me some time to try to figure out who I was and what I really wanted to be doing. Nothing like trying to figure it all out at 36, a decade into marriage and motherhood!

We realized that it was becoming more and more important that we have a parent at home for our kids. Our oldest was about to hit that age where he would be too old for a nanny but too young to really stay home, and he really needed a lot more homework help than a nanny could provide. Our youngest has always been a mama’s boy and would fight for my attention when I was around. It was clear that my absence was affecting his behavior more than we realized. We also knew our relationship wasn’t as strong as it could be because of my career. We started dating around the same time I started working in New Home Sales, so my husband has been around since the beginning. He’s very used to being like a single dad on the weekends and working in creative times for date nights, but it has always been hard for us just to sit and catch up when one of us is constantly exhausted from working all day. In our 10+ years of marriage, we never had the same day off together unless one of us had taken a vacation day.

The choice seemed simple. I was going to stay home for a few months and try to come up with a side hustle that would help offset the lost income. I wouldn’t need to make as much money if I was at home because, when we looked at the budget, work was actually costing me upwards of $2500 a month (gas, tolls, clothes, networking lunches, childcare, evenings out, random gifts for the family out of guilt). I had visions of family dinners, and family game nights going through my head! I was, at one point, very successful in my field, and could manage entire communities. How hard could this be??? Again, can I smack my past self?

The transition from Working Mom to Stay at Home Mom was anything but simple. I’m six months in and have yet to find my groove! If I’m working on my blog or my side hustles too much, my house is a disaster! We’re talking laundry everywhere, dishes overflowing in the sink, a smell you can’t quite find, and filthy floors! What’s worse is that most of the mess is my fault! When I was working, and no one was home during the day, the house was never so bad! I’d do a quick pick up at night and in the morning before I left for the day and it would mostly stay manageable. Now, I grab my coffee, walk over to the computer and think I’ll work on the mess later only to find that school pick up sneaks up on me (3:00 is a whole lot earlier than the 7:00 closing time at work) and then I’m quickly sucked into homework and activities. Once we get home from practice, it’s time to start dinner, and the laundry just has to wait for tomorrow.

Finding my self-worth again has probably been the hardest part of the entire transition. When I worked, I knew I’d done a good job when my buyers would close and they’d hug me at the end of the transaction, telling me how excited they were to begin their new lives in their new homes. There was also that commission check to confirm that I’d done a good job, and that made me feel good about myself! I was then able to take that commission check and pay for a really fun vacation for my family or sign the kids up for that new activity they wanted to try. There is a lot of gratification that goes into being paid, and it's easy to associate that with your own worth, even if that paycheck is making you miserable. When I lost that paycheck, I lost most of what I thought I was worth. I had no idea how to measure myself anymore, or how to find value in anything that I did. Suddenly, I felt I had no value.

Staying home means most of what you do goes completely unnoticed. My boys never notice if the house is clean, my husband has no idea what I do all day, and the thank yous for the hard work rarely come. I also hate to keep up with the housework, and since I get no enjoyment out of cleaning, I don’t feel good about myself when it's complete. I constantly worry about if I’m spending too much time focusing on the home and not making money, or too much time focusing on trying to make money and letting the home go. The anxiety does little to help me feel good about all that I did accomplish during the day.

I have spent days in tears, not fully understanding why, because I just didn’t feel good about myself or what I was doing anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be in tears on my way to work knowing I’d disappointed my kid, again, by not being able to go to his game, or because I realized all the moms I knew were going to lunch and I wasn’t invited because I wasn’t around to be included. But something was different about these tears. Before, I’d be alone in the car, and would be headed to the destination where I knew what I needed to do from 10-7. Fulfilling or not, I had a job that needed to be done and could block everything else out during that time and focus on that one thing. Now that I’m home, when I’m feeling lost, or less than, there isn’t something to do that will help me drive that feeling away. It doesn’t really matter what side of the working mom - stay home mom spectrum you fall on, the mom guilt will always be nipping at your heals.

Money quickly became an issue, but only in my head. Between my payout and my husband’s income, we had the money to pay our monthly bills without issue, but I was no longer bringing home regular paychecks and it was starting to eat at me. I used to get a massage every couple of months, or treat myself to a new outfit or a lunch out every so often without hesitation, but now I was not the person working for that money to pay for the massage. I felt horrible guilt over spending money I didn’t make, even though my husband would never think that or say anything to that end. In speaking with other moms, I have found that this is actually a really common issue.

If my husband is working on something around the house on the weekend, I start to feel awful if I’m not helping him, even if I’m working on something else I need to do. I’ll stop what I’m doing to work with him, which honestly probably annoys him since I get in his way! I know in reality married people do not always work side-by-side on things like yard work, but we haven’t been married during a time when I was home while he was before! I quickly started to realize I have no idea how a marriage is supposed to look when he’s gone M-F and I’m home! It’s taking us both some time to learn to adjust to our new normal and find a way to balance time together and some time apart while being in the same house.

I’ve always had a horrible time saying “no” so when the PTA found out that I was home with more time on my hands and asked me to take on some more responsibility, I didn’t hesitate to say yes. From physically being at the school working events, to cutting decorations, helping in the classroom, or helping run our online communications, this quickly started to become a full-time job. Before I knew it, I was spending more time volunteering than I was on anything else. I realized that it was the closest thing I had resembling my old life and that I was treating it like my job. The only problem was that, while it was a worthy cause, I was not getting paid for it and the things I needed to take care of were suffering as a result. I had to reevaluate and decided to lay out specific times in my schedule that I could work PTA and not volunteer for tasks outside of that allotted time.

Staying home has brought some unexpected blessings my way, mainly in the form of friendships. Once I lost my job, about 90% of my friendships disappeared with it. We don’t realize it when we’re in the trenches of life, but most of your friendships are formed out of convenience and shared experiences. You make friends while you’re in school that slowly go their own way after you move into adulthood, then you find yourself forming friendships with people that you work with and who live in your apartment complex that are in the same time in life as you are. Most people then transition into parenthood together or develop friendships with other parents in the kids' activities, except I missed this part since I was never around for those activities. When dad takes the kids, the other moms will be nice to him, but they aren’t going to become his BFF.

I had my work friends while I was working, but I realized that we never actually did hang out or do anything together. We spoke during the day and attended work functions together but most of us would stick to the home on our days off and not speak or get together. We were all at different phases in our lives, and most of the women I worked with had already raised families, or at least had older kids than mine. So when my job went away, those friendships fizzled fast. I don’t blame any of those people for it. If I didn’t have customers and construction to talk about with them, then we really don’t have anything in common anymore.

Luckily my time with the PTA also allowed me to finally, 10 years later than most, start to form a bond with other mom friends. I felt like the new kid in middle school at first and had to insert myself into committees and step up to help with people, but eventually, faster than I thought was possible, those women became my close friends. I had no idea how much was missing from my life by not really having very many. I knew it stung when they would get together and I couldn’t, but I never really knew how much these women support each other during the day. This time had shown me that having people who are in the same place in life with you is one of the most important gifts you can give yourself. If I’m having a hard day at home, I have a wonderful group of people I can rely on to show me that I’m not the only one with dirty floors or a mountain of laundry and that I’m not the only one feeling guilty about spending the money I’m not bringing in.

Staying home has also meant an unexpected change in my kids. While they don’t notice it, the boys have made changes for the better during these six months. My oldest has improved his grades and is paying more attention in school, maybe because he knows I’m around and paying attention. We are able to spend time every day reviewing tests he may have struggled with and honing in on issues he may not understand. My youngest doesn’t fight for my attention nearly as much. He doesn’t go crazy when I’m spending time with his brother or talking to another adult. While he’s still my wild child, he has calmed down a ton, and will remember to use his manors when we’re around people which is not something he would do before!

Making the change from working mom to stay at home mom has not been easy but it absolutely has been a blessing I never imagined I would want. It’s as if I went from only taking yoga classes my whole life to deciding to start running marathons. Both would have me in good shape, and both are equally as hard, but marathons require a whole different set of skills that I wasn’t using before! Will I go back into the office? For the time being, I’d like to avoid it, but only time will tell if it is necessary or not.

I can say that the entire experience has taught me to be careful of what you wrap your self-worth up in. Your job can be gone in a moment and if that’s the only place you find your value, you’ll be at a complete loss of what’s next, like I was. If you find your value in family and in the things that matter, that will last, you will never wonder who you really are. However, if you do make my same mistake, you may find that reinventing yourself can be a pretty amazing journey that you never dreamed you would be on.

#January 2019 #real life #motherhood #parenting #by Junell

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robininthelabyrinth · 6 years

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prompt from Litra#2(/2) ColdFlash Instead of becoming a thief, Len became a cop. He's in internal affairs and determined to never let another cop get away with the things his dad did. Then Barry gets his powers and starts disappearing at strange times. Talking to people outside the precinct about active cases. ect. Clearly Len has to find the truth, and if all's well, then at least he'll have an excuse to spend time with the hot lab tech.

For the Coldflash week day 1: Role Reversal

Fic: An Internal Affair (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The FlashPairing: Barry Allen/Leonard Snart

Summary: Leonard Snart, Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————-

“Forgive me if I don’t get up to say hello,” Len drawls as Captain Singh walks into his office. He leans back in his office chair and gestures vaguely towards one of the seats, because if he doesn’t Singh will take one anyway.

Singh smiles tightly. He’s trying to be nice, but it’s hard for him. He takes a seat and makes an effort to make the smile more sincere in preparation for the nice, friendly chat that they’re not actually going to have. “Of course not,” he said, nodding at Len’s injured side like he knew something.

He knows nothing.

Oh, it was common knowledge by now that Leonard Snart, one of the CCPD’s finest undercover agents, recruited into the joint task force with the FBI and tasked with helping slowly take apart the unrestrained control the Families had over Central City, was grounded at last when information about his identity slipped out to such a degree that his (now former) colleagues in the criminal underworld turned on him with the hatred they reserved only for cops and traitors.

Everyone knew, also, that before he’d gotten out and back to the safety of police custody, Leonard Snart took a bullet to the gut and a bullet to the thigh.

Everyone knew that Leonard Snart was still healing from them, but that he’d refused time off and insisted on coming back to work - even accepting a position that was largely a desk job in order to do so.

Everyone knew, last but certainly not least, that Leonard Snart was a hell of a lot smarter than he seemed, because his humble acceptance of a desk job (to keep busy, he’d said, with a straight face and a bowed head) that was designed to keep him out of trouble was in fact just another stratagem, because it got Leonard Snart the job he’d been angling to get for who knew how long.

Internal Affairs.

Head of Internal Affairs.

It was a fairly impressive promotion, yes, although he had been moving up steadily in rank in absentia. But in view of his immense sacrifice, the vast amount of time Leonard Snart had spent underground - over a decade at least, and possibly two, the reports on the matter differed - gathering invaluable information on the criminal world, it was agreed that he would be rewarded with a particularly large promotion in order to compensate him for being assigned to a position that most cops reviled.

His superiors had been particularly happy to give him the position, because it satisfied their desire to reward him without letting him get too much in the way of their existing operations.

After all, no good cop actually wanted to be placed in Internal Affairs, where you investigated your friends and coworkers instead of the bad guys.

A job where you were hated by other cops.

That wasn’t an issue for Leonard Snart, as the department soon discovered, because he hated most cops just as much in return.

Abusive father that used to be a cop, the whispers said - they’d always known that, of course, but no one had put two and two together until Leonard Snart had been made a Captain and spent his first few months on the job systematically destroying men’s careers with an icy smile that never wavered.

Captain Cold, they called him - sneers and mockery at first, but as he took down one untouchable after another, men and women who were infamously corrupt but (it had been believed) were too valuable and good at their jobs to be removed, the term changed to one of fear and respect.

Mostly fear. Not a little bit of hatred, too, for the man who seemed to have nothing to hide and nothing to lose and whose entire existence, now, seemed wrapped around a vendetta aimed not at the criminals but at the members of the CCPD who enabled them.

That’s what was said about him.

It’s just as Len said: they know nothing.

Oh, it’s all true, all of it, all the rumors, everything from his piece of shit of an ex-cop dad to his time undercover to his manipulation of the system to get the position and power he wanted. They got all the big picture stuff right; they just messed up on the details.

It’s the details that matter most.

First off, some asshole at the CCPD let slip who Len was to someone who eventually told the Families about him. Len doesn’t yet know who it was, but he intends to find out, given what that little slip had cost him.

After all, Len didn’t just get shot when the Families discovered his betrayal.

He’d been kidnapped.

Tortured.

Sentenced to a slow and painful death, all alone in the dark.

And he would have died that death, too, if Mick Rory hadn’t come to save him.

Mick Rory, arsonist, pyromaniac, thief, muscle, thug.

Mick Rory, committed criminal.

Mick Rory, Leonard Snart’s best and maybe only goddamn friend in the whole wide world, who Len had lied to from day one and kept lying to through thick and thin. Who Len had used for his friendship, for his strength, for his credibility in the criminal community, and given him back nothing in return but lies.

Despite all of that, Mick came for him.

Mick fought through the assholes guarding the door and he shot the assholes who were torturing Len and he got Len out of there.

Mick got Len away from the Families, carried him in his arms while Len was bleeding like a stuck pig and scarcely aware of what was happening, crying like a child.

He got Len to the hospital, to safety, even though he knew Len was a cop now, a pig like all the others.

Then, when the police assigned to guard Len’s room arrived, they kicked him out.

They kicked him out.

After all, why would a good cop want a criminal hanging around?

Without anywhere else to go, Mick went home.

And at home…

The Families fire-bombed his house that very same night, knowing that his pyromania would keep him from saving himself.

They were right. He survived only due to a fluke, a part of the building falling fast enough to extinguish the fire faster than expected.

Mick Rory now lies in a hospital bed with in a very high end burn clinic in Keystone City, nearly two-thirds of his body burned, as the best paid doctors in the region tried to salvage what they can.

Len never even had a chance to thank him.

Lewis Snart might’ve been the one that taught Len what a corrupt cop looked like, but it was what the cops did to Mick Rory that makes Len truly hate them.

“Can I help you?” Len says to Captain Singh, head of the midtown precinct, who seems to have lost the ability to speak since entering the room.

“I want to discuss the newest case you’re working on,” Singh finally says.

“Have you got intel for me, then?” Len asks, deliberately cruel. Cops hate a snitch as bad as any felon, and the suggestion that Singh’s here to snitch gets the flinch Len was looking for.

He doesn’t actually have anything against Captain Singh personally - the guy’s a good cop, believe it or not, with good detection skills and better management skills and unlike most of the lot of them, he’s not completely in a Family pocket - but Singh’s a believer in the blue line, the idea of cop solidarity über alles, and until he remembers that his loyalty should come to justice and truth before friendship and comradery, the instinct to paper over the crimes of the cops on his team simply because he feels he can’t spare them, Len’s not about to give him the benefit of the doubt.

That’s why Singh’s here, after all. He’s not here to snitch.

He’s here to ask Len to back off.

More fool he. Len never backs off.

(Len will admit, however, that he’s a hypocrite: he’s never had any problem valuing friends over laws - his first loyalties are to Lisa, tucked far away with her skates and the college he’s paying for, and to Mick. But not at the expense of the corruption of the blue, the same goddamn people who are supposed to be protecting the helpless; that’s not a crime against society, which Len could forgive, but a crime against his city, and Len will never forgive that.)

“No,” Singh finally says. “Listen, I know this is a long shot -”

“Who?”

“I - what?”

“Who?” Len repeats. “Who do you want me to back off of?”

Singh looks suspicious; good for him. He’s not an idiot: he knows a request to back off will only make Len more suspicious.

“I don’t want you to back off, exactly,” he says. “More - I don’t want you wasting your time.”

Len arches his eyebrows and waits.

Singh’s an experienced cop, veteran of a thousand interrogations and interview rooms, and he knows how silence can be wielded as a weapon.

It’s just that Len’s better at it, that’s all.

“Barry Allen,” Singh says, giving up the name. “I don’t know how he got on your list -”

“He’s never here but his work always gets done,” Len says dryly.

“He’s efficient -”

“He’s always arriving late, looking like he’s been busy somewhere else.”

“He’s always had an issue with -”

“He disappears at odd times, say, around the same time something is going down.”

“There’s always something going down -”

“He knows more about crime scenes than he should upon first glance.”

“So he’s good at his job -”

“He talks about active cases with people outside the precinct.”

“We all do to some degree -”

“Brand new set of friends.”

“Not exactly a crime -”

“And all of that following nine months disappearance -”

“On medical leave!” Singh bursts out, a vein starting to pulse in his forehead. “He was in a coma!”

“Yes,” Len drawls, stretching the word out. “He was, wasn’t he? Then he got himself transferred out of the hospital into a private facility - a private facility run by Harrison Wells, aka the genius behind the Accelerator explosion that supposedly caused Allen’s little ‘accident’ - and what do you know? Not only does that place not have proper records as far as I can tell, it appears that, both before and after the explosion, they have only ever had the one patient.”

Singh is gaping at him.

“Now, I don’t know about you,” Len says, tilting his head to the side in his most irritating, exaggerating thoughtful way. “But when you put all that together with the fact that a lot of these bad habits are newly developed following that so-called coma of his - except for the punctuality, of course, that’s long-standing - you get a very interesting picture. One I intend to look at a bit more closely, until I find out what he’s hiding behind it.”

“Goddamnit, Cold, he was hit by lightning,” Singh says through gritted teeth. “Some changes are to be expected. It’s a miracle he even got that much of him back -”

“Yeah, about that,” Len says and now his teeth are bared. “Funny how his job was still open after nine months.”

Singh straightens up like he’s just been shocked by lightning himself.

“Funny, too, how there weren’t any concerns regarding his mental state after being hit by lightning,” Len continues. “But you know what’s the most funny of all?”

Singh is silent.

It’s okay, Len wasn’t asking that expecting an answer.

Len leans forward. “What I find the most funny, Captain Singh,” he says, as conversationally as he can, “is that he says that he was in a coma for nine months, right? Nine months. It’s been a little over nine months since the explosion. Nine months, and he’s back to work in a week? No bedsores, no muscle atrophy, no deterioration, no physical therapy, no occupational therapy - oh, no, our Mr. Allen apparently leaped out of his hospital bed and went for a goddamn run around Central City, fresh as a daisy. And, in the process, either during the coma or during that run -”

Len flips open the folder on his desk, revealing two photographs. One is Allen before his mysterious nine-month absence; one is after. He’s shirtless in both, because Len’s contacts sometimes like to snag shirtless pics for him ever since they figured out he was pansexual - something that usually pisses him off, except he wouldn’t have figured out the weirdest part of this whole Allen thing if they hadn’t so he supposes he has to forgive them.

“- the man picks up a set of abs,” Len concludes, his voice flat. “Now, Singh, I know you’ve given up ogling other people in your marriage vows, but tell me, in view of your past experience in this field, does one generally get that sort of body development lying in a hospital bed?!”

That last bit was said with a full on snarl.

Okay, so Len’s a bit touchy on the whole hospital bed/coma subject.

Singh’s shoulders slump down, a recognition that he doesn’t have the answers Len’s looking for and that there is no way that Len’s dropping this investigation - either into Allen, or into Singh for enabling him.

And because Len’s investigations are typically confidential among the Captain rank at this early stage, if Allen hears so much as a whisper on the subject before Len’s ready, Len will know exactly who to blame.

Len smiles at him. The smile has teeth.

“Good talk, Singh,” he says encouragingly. “Have a nice day, why don’t you?”

Singh’s lips are pressed together until they’re very nearly bloodless with rage, but he’s smart enough not to say anything. He knows how dangerous Len is.

He walks out with his shoulders squared, much like someone who wants to punch someone and is very nearly there, but barely refraining.

Len dials a number on the phone at his desk before grabbing his crutch and limping heavily over to the door that Singh had rather rudely left open, particularly given that he knows that Len prefers a closed door and has difficulty walking to close it.

“Chum in the water, sir?” his assistant asks dryly. Technically, Len ought to have a whole team, and he does, but he’s spread the best of them out widely among the precincts of the sprawling Central City. This isn’t really 'home base’ for him, just an office he can use for the time being, but that’s fine. As long as he can do his job, he’s fine. And he can do his job here with just him and his assistant.

(Why did he never consider investing in a personal assistant when he was a criminal? They’re so useful. He would’ve saved himself so much angst. For example, his current assistant, Danvers, is an avenging angel in disguise - he doesn’t know what he’d do without her.)

“Not him,” Len tells Danvers with a faint grin. “That was just a friendly chat. Come in and take some dictation, will you?”

“You make that sound so awful,” she observes. “I should sue for sexual harassment.”

“If you’re getting sexually harassed, then I’m in a hostile work environment.”

“Boss,” Danvers says, suppressing a grin. “You are a hostile work environment.”

“Kara,” Len says. “Just get your ass in here.”

She laughs and gets her ass in there with her speed-typing box - she used to be a court reporter before Len snagged her, and she’s amazing - just in time for the open phone line Len dialed to start picking up things on the other side.

The other side being the desk immediately adjacent to one Detective Joe West’s, who had the dubious honor of being Singh’s confidant, Allen’s mentor (possibly father?), and one of the poor souls lower down on Len’s list, given the remarkable speed by which the open investigation of his officer-involved shooting (West being the officer) got resolved.

Someone should really do something about the security in this place. Len plans on giving them a list before he leaves - but only after he’s done exploiting it.

“- don’t let Cold get to you, chief,” West is saying. “He’s got nothing on you.”

“That isn’t the issue,” Singh replies with a sigh. “I don’t want him here at all. Investigating my people -”

“When he could be doing something useful with his time,” West agrees. “Goddamn parasite.”

“Joe,” Singh says, mildly censoring. “He’s your superior officer.”

West snorts. “By cutting in line - yeah, yeah, I’ll back off. He did amazing work with the Families, not just here, but everywhere, I’ll give him that much. But I don’t have to appreciate the fact that the guy’s working out his childhood trauma on us.”

“Joe!” Singh exclaims. “That’s uncalled for.”

“Oh, come off it,” West says with a laugh. “We all know the story - dad was a bad cop and a mean drunk that liked to knock his kids around. And now the - I mean, our very respectable visiting Captain Cold, he’s got a vendetta against the boys in blue instead of the guys that really need to be taken off the streets.”

“If a cop’s done something wrong, they need to be taken off the streets too, Joe,” Singh says. “That’s what Internal Affairs does. You can’t hold it against Cold - I mean, Snart - that he’s good at his job.”

“Even you call him Cold,” West points out. “And that’s saying something.”

“No, Joe, it isn’t,” Singh replies, sighing. He sounds tired. If he was tired, he shouldn’t have tried to go up against Len. “I’m pretty sure I just called him it to his face, and that’s still not saying anything. The man really is good at his job, and he’s utterly fearless. We need someone like him rooting out corruption, we really do. But sometimes he goes barking up the wrong damn tree -”

“Someone in our precinct?” West asks, his tone lighting up with interest.

“That’s confidential,” Singh snaps, clearly remembering himself. “Damnit, Joe, he’ll have my job if you go around blabbing.”

“My lips are sealed,” West promises, and though he tries to raise the subject of Len a few more times, Singh is having none of it and firmly steers the conversation onto their current investigation.

After listening for a little longer, Len nods to himself and hangs up the line.

“…did he really call you Captain Cold to your face?” Danvers asks, her lips twitching with suppressed laughter.

“Cold, anyway,” Len says, allowing himself to smirk as she starts giggling. “I think I made him angry.”

“Boss,” she says, lifting her glasses and wiping the tears of laughter out of her eyes. “You make everyone angry. It’s practically your hobby.”

Len grins. She’s not wrong.

But the grin slowly fades as he thinks about the task he’s set for himself.

He’s engineered a few meetings between himself and Allen – usually he sets up the first meet and one of the local Jitters, where he can ‘accidentally’ stumble with his (annoyingly still-necessary) crutch to get people’s attention, and Allen’s no different.

Well, he was a bit oblivious but eventually it worked eventually. Len took the precaution of telling the barista that he was trying to get Allen’s attention, which definitely helped cover his ass stumbling so many times – Kendra thought he was hilarious and adorable and definitely hinted strongly to Allen to pay attention.

Since then, they’ve been sitting together whenever their coffee runs ‘coincidentally’ match up.

That’s probably how Singh realized that Len was onto Allen’s case, putting the seating and Len’s high-level sealed reports together.

The problem is, though, is that Allen is…frustrating.

“Thinking about your newest boytoy again?” Danvers asks.

She only looks innocent.

“Target,” Len corrects. “Not boytoy.”

“You’re basically a cat, boss,” she says. “You play with your food and your toys and your targets all the same way.”

“Basically a cat,” Len says, rolling his eyes. “This is what I get, is it? I employ you, you know.”

It’d taken weeks to break Danvers of her annoying habit of being excessively deferential, so she knows he doesn’t mean it.

Her smirk makes that very clear.

“You didn’t answer the question,” she points out.

“Because you phrased it in a stupid way,” Len grumbles. “But yeah, I was thinking about Allen.”

“What’s the problem, then?”

“Well, to start off, he’s extremely shady,” Len says. “He’s got to have some secret way in and out of Jitters, because I have literally blinked and he’s slipped out somehow. He’s always whispering about stuff with those new scientist friends of his from STAR Labs, and they’re almost always talking about the latest disaster in town, and that’s usually followed immediately by Allen disappearing for a bit.”

“That doesn’t seem like a problem,” Danvers says. “That sounds like a good lead.”

Len makes a face.

“No?”

“He’s nice,” Len complains. “Like, legitimately nice. I see why everyone here likes him; he’s friendly and acts all well-meaning and he helped an old lady cross the road last week –”

“Oh, I see the problem,” Danvers says, grinning. “You think he’s hot.”

“Of course he’s hot,” Len snaps. “Lots of people are hot; I’m pansexual. That doesn’t usually distract me from doing my job. Besides, he’s half my age.”

“You exaggerate,” she says. “But putting that aside, you are doing your job, because your job is figuring out if someone is up to something. If even you’re getting good vibes off Allen, then maybe, just maybe, this one time, a cigar is actually just a cigar.”

Len blinks at her.

“Maybe he’s clean,” she clarifies.

Len snorts. “He disappears for nine months, claims he was in a coma, and comes back in the best shape of his life,” he says, rubbing his eyes. “At the minimum that’s going to involve some sort of medical insurance fraud, or possibly unemployment fraud. Plus, the guy’s a pathological liar, at least when it comes to avoiding confrontation. He lies about everything.”

“But?”

“His lab work is good,” Len admits. “I haven’t seen any patterns of him altering evidence in favor of any given party, and the lab boys over at the Feds say the reports are basically done right, though they can’t quite get the centrifuge data to match up quite right.”

“A real enigma, then,” Danvers says. “Your favorite.”

“Danvers.”

“Don’t you Danvers me,” she says. “It is your favorite. You should go ask him out on a date.”

“I can’t date a target.”

“Go ask him out for a totally platonic dinner, then,” she says. “Do it when you know something’s about to go down – and don’t think I don’t know that just because you’ve been burned doesn’t mean your connections in the underworld are totally gone. That way you can eliminate each possible affiliation.”

“First off, that’s entrapment,” Len says. “Second, there are so many Families alone that we’d have to go on a date every day for a year for that to work. Third, he twig onto what I’m doing and deliberately not go to something he’s affiliated with to throw me off the scent. And fourth, even if it wasn’t a bad idea, it’s not working. There’s no Family-associated pattern to any of his disappearances!”

Danvers is sniggering.

Maybe he shouldn’t have admitted how often he’s been meeting up with Allen.

He glares at her balefully.

“Give me your notes on his movements,” she orders, as if she was the boss. “I’ll get them cross-referenced with all the different types of city events I can fine so you can do your pattern-spotting on the outside instead of the inside; if he’s going to some sort of dumb concert series or something, you wouldn’t want to waste your time. In the meantime, you have a date.”

“I’m not seeing Allen again until tomorrow,” Len objects automatically.

Danvers smirks at him like he’s admitted something. “Of course not,” she says. “But it’s an MR day.”

Len nods, glad that she reminded him. How hard it is to remember what day is which is one of the downsides of deliberately randomizing his visits to the clinic in Keystone where Mick is so that no one can track him when he goes there. He’d prefer to go on a regular schedule – Len’s always liked timing things – but it’s his duty to keep Mick safe. Or at least, it’s the very least he could do, after all Mick’s done for him.

If Len was a good man, he wouldn’t go at all. He’d leave Mick alone. He wouldn’t burden him with Len’s baggage and Len’s job and Len’s everything, not to mention the fact that Len’s enemies are even more numerous now than they were when he and Mick were partners.

The Families want Len’s head on a plate. Many of his old contacts in the underworld know he’s a cop now and hate him for it. The corrupt cops that fear him are gunning for him. Even the clean cops hate him for violating their precious boys-in-blue code.

Len would be better off being friends with no one at all, and if he was a good man, he would refrain.

But he’s not a good man.

“I’ll go catch a ride,” he says. “Is my pick-up here?”

Danvers wrinkles her nose. “Boss –”

“Oh, good, then Charlie is here.”

“I hate that guy,” she whines. “I don’t care if he’s good at losing people, he’s going to kidnap you and eat you one of these days.”

“You exaggerate,” Len says, shaking his head. “I’ve known Charlie for years –”

“He has priors for cannibalism and attempted cannibalism,” Danvers hisses. “Literal cannibalism.”

“Technically,” Len drawls. “He only has priors for defacing a corpse. Cannibalism isn’t technically a legal crime, and no one proved he was involved with any killing –”

“If you don’t ring me the second you get to the clinic, I’m going to hunt you down,” Danvers threatens. “Don’t think I won’t.”

“Who exactly is the boss here?”

“You, sir,” she says. “Now go and do what I told you to do.”

Len rolls his eyes, but gets up, wincing. His leg and side are really pulling on him today. He uses Mick’s clinic to meet his physical and occupational therapist anyway, which is a good cover for going to visit Mick’s bedside, but going to PT/OT with an already sore leg is going to suck.

“And when you’re done with that, we can talk about you dating a target,” Danvers adds just as he gets to the door. “It’s actually not against the rules until there’s an official inquiry open.”

“No, Danvers.”

“I’ll book you a table for two at a nice restaurant for Friday,” she says. “It’ll have a pre-paid deposit and you’ll have no choice but to ask him to go or you’ll waste the money.”

“A, you’re abusing your access to my credit card,” Len says. “B, I could always go with someone else, did you think of that?”

“Boss,” Danvers says pityingly. “Mick can’t go, your sister’s out of town, I’m busy that night, and you have no other friends.”

…damnit.

“Have fun!”

“Mick wouldn’t bitch me out like this,” Len grumbles.

“I’ve been writing up all the details of your little investigations on a secure-line VPN groupchat for him to look at,” Danvers says cheerfully. “You wanna bet?”

Len flips her off and limps off towards the waiting car.

Mick would totally mock him over this whole Allen thing.

————————————————————————————————–

A/N: …this was meant to be a ficlet but is running away from me. It’s still in progress, so please feel free to throw suggestions as to things you might want to see this incorporate as it continues.

#coldflash #leonard snart #barry allen #coldflashweeks2018 #kara danvers #david singh #my fic

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creativemorningsvancouver · 3 years

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Join us for next months speaker as we’re thrilled to invite Chris Corrigan to our virtual stage.

Chris Corrigan is a principal partner of Harvest Moon Consultants, specializing in participatory process, international facilitation, and strategic thinking in support of organizations and communities tackling complex challenges.

Corrigan’s formal bio includes info about decades of experience working with governments, not for profits, indigenous communities, and social enterprises, creative dialogue-based tools and processes informed by complexity theory to help leaders and teams make decisions in uncertain contexts.

But mostly Chris Corrigan is just a person who would like to share a pesto recipe with you:

Take a bunch of basil, destem it, place it into a mortar with a few pinches of coarse salt and a couple of peeled garlic cloves and begin grinding it into a paste.

When the leaves are all broken down, add some pine nuts and gently pour in a really good olive oil until the paste has the consistency you’re looking for.

Add a pinch of chilli flakes for a subtle feeling of heat.

That’s the secret. Purists will object, but I’m telling you, give it a try.

How do you define creativity and apply it in your life and career?

Making things I guess. It’s certainly what I have done from a very small age, made drawings, and songs and poems and games and all kinds of things. These days I make conversations and community and I try to make a difference by doing things that have never been done before. It is all creative.

Where do you find your best creative inspiration or energy?

In a few places: the early morning, or being with others. I am an improviser at heart and so I work with offers all around me and when I am creating with others I feel like I’m always at my best.

What’s one piece of creative advice or a tip you wish you’d known as a young person?

Pay more attention to what you have just done. Try to remember the feelings of sweetness and despair instead of just moving on to the next thing. There are so many experiences I’ve forgotten about because they seemed so fleeting at the time, and now I wish I could remember who was there with me and what we actually did.

Who (living or dead) would you most enjoy hearing speak at CreativeMornings?

Have you ever had any children speak? Would you dare turn the mic over to a 12 year old child? A twelve year old girl ready to kick ass and take names would be an amazing thing to see.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Quit a full time government job with a baby at home to become a consultant.

What did you learn from your most memorable creative failure?

Usually no one gets hurt.What are you reading these days? Shifu, You’ll Do Anything for a Laugh by Mo Yan, What The Mystics Know by Richard Rohr, Trickster Drift, Eden Robinson

What fact about you would surprise people?

I am a practicing contemplative Christian.

How does your life and career compare to what you envisioned for your future when you were a sixth grader?

At no point did I ever play on the blue line for the Toronto Maple Leafs, so nothing has really worked out. I also didn’t start a band with Brian May and Freddy Mercury.

How would you describe what you do in a single sentence to a stranger?

I help people work together to figure out what to do when they are stuck so that we can make the world a more just place.

What’s the most recent thing you learned (big or small)?

How to move between an Eb melodic minor and an Bb major scale in the same position so as to find some compact soloing lines on A Child is Born.

If you could open a door and go anywhere where would that be?

Right now, it would probably be to the Grey Bruce Highlands in southern Ontario to visit my family.

What keeps you awake at night?

Barred owls on the hunt beneath a full moon and a Pineapple Express lashing the front of my house.

What myths about creativity would you like to set straight?

There are no myths about creativity. It’s all true. Even the myths. Especially the myths.

Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did that person teach you?

My partner Caitlin. She continually teaches me how to not lose my shit and succumb to anxiety and fear. And every day she reminds me that I am loved.

What are you proudest of in your life?

My two kids, who are young adults now and making their way in a weird world. They love each other and my heart bursts through my chest every time I think about them.

If you could do anything now, what would you do?

End patriarchy, capitalism, and settler-colonialism and watch SOOOO many of my friends fulfill their potential and make the world a better place.

Where was the last place you travelled?

Last air travel was in February 2020 and was a three point tour to Ontario, Columbus Ohio, and Minneapolis, to teach the Art of Hosting and complexity skills to doctors in Ohio and social change activists in the Twin Cities. And to drink whisky with my dad for his birthday.

What music are you listening to these days?*

Lots of jazz standards played on guitar and especially diving into the work of Reg Schwager.

What was the best surprise you’ve experienced so far in life?

Realizing in an instant that I am unconditionally loved.

Where is your favourite place to escape?

There are a few places on Bowen Island, where I live, that are absolutely precious to me.

What was the best advice you were ever given?

If you talk to people about what they know about, they will always tell you the truth. I heard that from Utah Phillips at the Vancouver Folk Festival in 1997 and it fundamentally changed my facilitation practice.

What books made a difference in your life and why?

Not just books? There are many creative artifacts that have been influential in my life. The Tao te Ching was super influential. A painting by Carl Beam called “Columbus Chronicles”, John Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme,” Irish whistle player Mary Bergin’s album “Feadóga Stain,” the midfield prowess of Glenn Hoddle, Nathanial Mackey’s Bedouhin Hornbook. The Facilitator’s Guide to Participatory Decision Making by Sam Kaner. News of the World by Queen. Between the Breaks by Stan Rogers. Leadership and the New Science by Meg Wheatley. The Rez Sisters by Thomson Highway. The Sacrifice by Andrei Tarkovsky. Tsawalk by Umeek. The tifo and creative support of the Vancouver Southsiders and the Swanguardians. Listening for the Heartbeat of God by J. Phillip Newell, Anam Cara by John O'Donohue, Loving What Is by Byron Katie, the leadership artistry of Khelsilem. Each of these, among many others, have ushered my over various thresholds in my life. They are all creative works, some are creative re-imaginings of spirituality, process work, and ways of living.

What practises, rituals, or habits contribute to your creative work?

It’s a combination of the openness and rest that is offered by my meditation practice and the rigour of playing scales on the guitar or forcing myself to write despite my mind’s resistance to being “productive” when I’m feeling dry.

When you get stuck creatively, what is the first thing you do to get unstuck?

Go for a walk.

If you had fifteen extra minutes each day, what would you do with them?

Lie on my back, close my eyes and listen to three pieces of very good music.

What has been one of your biggest Aha! moments in life?

The first time I witnessed a meeting held in Open Space, with 400 people in a room in Whistler in 1995. It completely transformed my facilitation and leadership practice, knowing that a group of people can self-organize action around issues that they care about. I’ve never looked back.

What object would you put in a time capsule that best represents who you are today?

My music library.

What is the one movie or book every creative must see/read?

You should read a book or seek out the traditional teachings of your place, of where you live, of the traditional territory you inhabit. Those aren’t always written down, but I feel that it is so important to know your place because if you create things that run counter to the place you are living you can perpetuate patterns of harm. Understand who you are, where you are and why you are there.

🎵 This month’s live musical guest is jazz & R&B guitarist, bandleader, and teacher (Teun Schut)[https://www.teunschut.ca].🎶

Originally from Holland, Schut has been playing guitar for five decades, studying and playing jazz, blues, and rock in bands and ensembles. Having toured around the world, Tuen settled in Bowen Island, where he continues to teach, play, and perform.

You don’t want to miss this! Register now.

#cmvan #creative #creativemornings #vancouver #yvr #community #home

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