#after I’ve painted in The Gays I might do some more value work | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

freddiekluger · 3 years

Note

I am all ears for your season 3 cap's big gay awakening ideas 👀👀

alright, you asked so sit down and strap in

before we get started- a few details are recycled/repurposed from earlier headcanons/ask answers (characterisation is like that), and i came up with all this a couple weeks back, so any overlap with other peoples suggestions is totally unintentional! i’ve just been finding the energy to properly write them up as originally i riffed them with a friend late at night lmao

the captain: homo evolution

introduction (scroll down if you’re not bothered for the hardcore analysis/logic)

this isn’t necessarily what i think WILL happen as much as how i would do it. over the past two seasons of Ghosts, we’ve seen the captain’s main character arc being centred around him loosening up, from learning to value mike, alison, and the other ghosts more as equals than soldiers/means to an end to the season 2 finale, where cap is not only expressing an interest in flowers and fashion (distinctly un-soldierly pursuits) but joining the party and other men (the direct opposite of About Last Night, in which cap bah humbugs partying/’gay abandon’ and is left speechless by the mere presence of a mostly naked man). that being said, the captain is still the captain: his character is still centred around this need for rules and structure and he still finds his identity in the archetypal WW2 military man- all of his incremental moves towards a more ‘modern’ perspective have ultimately been made possible because, like Ben said on twitter, the captain isn’t CONSCIOUSLY aware that he’s gay. he has the underlying feeling that he’s different, he knows of his tendency to attach himself to specific men and form incredibly close bonds (and, as demonstrated by his attempts to hide them, is at least somewhat aware that that’s not the norm), but in his mind he’s written that off as merely “not being a ladies man”.

the captain is from the 1940s- it’s one thing for him to see and be supportive of a same-gender wedding in present day England where gay=legal unions, marketed doritos, and homophobia being still present but generally frowned upon, and another thing entirely for him to have to apply it to himself. we’ve already seen that the captain appears to be stuck in the past more than any of the other ghosts (”the war is over!” “is it, alison? is it?”- he also references the past more frequently than most of the others), and in his past sodomite gay=punishable by imprisonment and chemical castration, back alley hookups, and the constant threat of blackmail and violence. obviously, despite all this, there was a vibrant underground queer history taking place in England during this time & not all of the above is accurate, but it’s what cap would have seen, and the England of the early 20th century is denoted as being a particularly brutal period for lgbtq+ folks (the destruction of the first world war exacerbated rage and frustration, and lgbtq+ people weren’t the only gorup to end up on the receiving end of that, but i digress). this is basiclly just a really long way of me saying that the captain compartmentalising to that degree was, and to some extent is, a survival mechanism. confronting his homoseuxality means confronting what it means for a 1940s man to be a dreaded homosexual, and all of that directly conflicts with the image of ‘the Captain’ he’s built in his mind.

we’ve seen this in Redding Weddy, where the captain is aware that Havers means/meant more to him than was normal for a captain/2ic relationship (he does attempts to hide his affection- “i shall miss you, Havers. by which of course i mean we shall miss you “he left me, i mean he left for the front”), but is never able to fully verbalise WHY, and it only takes a series of increasingly dramatic prompts before he will even mention the idea of Havers, let alone begin to articulate their relationship.

all this just goes to prove that for the captain to properly ‘come out’, there needs to be an external inciting incident- he could easily have gone on shadowing attractive men whenever they visit and avoiding interrogating those feelings for another seventy years if Button house remained without alison and mike.

while at least julian, pat, and robin have noticed that the cap is not the most heteroseual of men (they’re the only ghosts who have visibly reacted when cap says gay shit), they all appear to have decided to just not mention it, which makes alison and mike our wildcards. not only has alison’s ability to see and communicate with the ghosts already connected them more to the modern world than they ever have been, alison, and mike by extension, has a personal stake in the wellbeing/general growth of the ghosts. happy ghosts=happy house, and like it or not some of them are even beginning to become friends. [i probably didn’t need to write all this like explaining my decisions, but i think figuring out the motivations behind everyon just develops the flavour and lets us have a sexy and accurate headcanon]

so,

the episode

while the captain might not consciously know he’s a fruit (derogatory), he is well and truly terrible at concealing the thirst (it’s not his fault things just keep slipping out!)- i love the idea of just having a supercut near the beginning of the episode that just shows that the captain has gotten even GAYER since last season, with slip ups becoming almost a daily occurence, but it’s getting to the point where it’s actually becoming a serious hazard. last week, he was supposed to be looking out for alison while attempted to put up blinds, but one of mike’s friends (who was over ‘helping out’, which mostly meant eating chips and covering himself in paint) walked through the room with his shirt off and paint handprints on the seat of his shorts, distracting the captain from realising that alison’s stepladder was about to give way.

with the increased presence of non elderly men in the house (the previous owner wasn’t exactly the life of the party) the captain is getting gayer and gayer, but he’s also becoming more and more defensive, while his brisk demeanour and need for control regresses to much more of a season 1 state (a subconscious attempt to regain control as things get close to spilling over). it’s not the first time his repression has almost slipped, he spent much of his life surrounded by soldiers after all, but with no war and no corporeal body he’s got almost nothing to distract himself from it. needless to say, between the safety hazards and the almost agressive defensiveness which derails any interaction, something needs to be done about the captain.

throughout the week, alison tries to find the opportune time to talk to the captain about what’s going on with him for everyone’s sake, but cap keeps masterfully evading any ‘deep’ talk with willful misunderstanding or just straight up dismissal (which at times gets a bit rude), and alison really doesn’t have the time- her and mike are caught up with managing the first official room redecoration and butting heads with a passive agressive delivery driver. insert general shenangigans, but at some point the captain’s whole “accidentally sabotage something by being distracted and then attack anyone who dares even look at him the wrong way afterwards” act causes alison to exasperatedly blurt out “we all know you’re gay! we get it! you like men! you can drop the act!”. there’s no malice or anything but, as we know, when alison gets run ragged things don’t tend to come out quite right.

everything falls silent (and mike is vaguely confused), and the captain just looks like a deer in headlights. as alison catches her breath, pat pipes up with a “it’s alright, cap, we don’t mind- now we can focus on the task at hand”. the captain sort of regains his composure and once again attempts to brush them all off with a scoff and a “i haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. if any of us is distracted, i-it’s... kitty!” but it’s easy to tell he looks rattled. most of his words don’t come out right, and after trying to blame kitty for their failures (she just had the unfortunate luck of being in his line of sight), he ends up doing an awkward little walk away which quickly turns into a full on sprint. mike, having finished processing alison yelling about gay shit to the air and kind of pieced together what must have happened awkwardly chimes in with “it’s okay to be gay!”- alison just pats him on the back (”yeah no he’s gone, mike.” “gone?” “sprinted away.” “huh”)

the episode continues with the captain flat out avoiding alison and the other ghosts to an almost funny extent as the other plots continue. it takes a bit for alison to realise why the captain reacted so badly (in fact, it’s actually mike who remembers that he’s 1940s ghost- “he’s probably just scared and taking it out on everyone else”). while thomas and julian vote for leaving the captain be so they can have some peace and quiet, fanny/pat/alison/robin decide someone needs to talk to him (fanny surprised everyone but after all, she got murdered because her husband had to live in secrecy- if talking to the captain will avert any further crises, she’s happy to make sure someone else does it for her). kitty’s still upset about being singled out, but she knows better than anyone that sometimes all you need is a friend- cue realisation no. 2.

with the captain avoiding everyone, sending in a regular emissary isn’t going to work. they need to find the least threatening person possible, with no agenda or history other than being there to help (a friend, if you will)- cue everyone looking at mike.

a quick offscreen briefing later, we see mike wandering out to the field where the captain has exiled himself- remember that up until this point, the captain was still in conscious denial about his sexuality, so being forced to confront it head on (and finding out that apparently everyone ‘knew’, which for cap would feel like an intimate invasion of privacy/forced vulnerability) would rattle him to the point of self-exile- he might not be able to run from his sexuality, but he can run from people. the thing is, mike can’t see or hear the ghosts, which means the captain can’t be frightened off by any expectations (mike actually talks to/at cap while facing completely the wrong direction, but consdiering the above point, this works rather well).

the captain was alternating between pacing, fiddling with his swagger stick, and sitting, but he unconsciously stands to attention as mike wanders over. he’s used to mike not being able to see them, so mike asking to sit down takes him by surprise, disrupting his instinct to flee again.

mike begins a little awkwardly (”mind if i sit?” *silence* “...i’m just gonna assume that’s a no. or is it a yes? yeah anyways i’m just gonna sit. so... heard you’ve been going through a rough patch”), and the captain almost scoffs and wanders off, but something about the clumsy earnestness in mike’s voice, the captain’s vulnerable state, and the fact that it’s been so long since cap has had anyone actually check in on him, that he stays put. he keeps standing and staring away from button house, and mike keeps speaking to the empty air to his left, and alison and the ghosts stay hidden behind their bush a few metres away, but at least the captain is listening. for the first time in weeks, he’s not on the offensive.

“i can’t actually see or hear you, so i’m just gonna talk and assume you’re listening. alison mentioned you have a habit of running away but, um, maybe don’t do that please?”

“my mate daniel's gay. uh, homosexual, you’d probably say- did you have gay when you were alive? did it just mean happy? anyway, he didn’t come out- that means tell people- until he left high school. we all kind of guessed it, the other kids at school gave him a real tough time for it, but he just squashed it down. couldn’t imagine that all the things people were shouting at him were true, so he ignored it. he’s doing good now though. got married to his husband last year, currently runs a bookshop. so that’s nice.”

it goes quiet for a bit. the captain hasn’t moved, and we’re still only seeing shots of him from the back, but there’s a little less tension in his stance than there was before. mike clears his throat before continuing.

“i’m guessing you’re probably pretty scared right now. i would be- i mean not that you should be, you shouldn’t, but coming from your... situation, i’m guessing it’d be hard. no one’s saying you have to be anything you’re not ready to be, but lots of things that are scary are actually not bad. airplanes, skydiving, clowns- well, not the clown from that movie, but he gives clowns a bad rep- i’m sure there are plenty of lovely clowns out in the world. still give me the creeps though.” the captain makes a captain-y noise of assent about the clown comment- he never liked them either.

mike glances over to the bush where alison and the ghosts were attempting to listen in (they could only catch every few words- mary got particularly concerned about why mike had referenced clowns), and the captain still hasn’t run away, so alison motions for mike to keep going. he starts telling the captain a story from his uni days. it’s got nothing to do with the captain, or being gay, or self-acceptance, or anything like that- it’s just a standard tale of comedic but inventive problem solving. the captain sits himself down next to mike (to his right, avoiding mike’s gaze, and still staring away from button house), muttering that his legs are getting a bit tired. he sits there for a while, and mike just talks. sometimes he circles back to the gay thing, sometimes he just asks the captain questions, before remembering that he can’t actually hear any answer, but then he keeps asking anyway, thinking that cap might need to talk. he doesn’t at first, but slowly he offers up a word or two. and then a sentence, and then maybe more- mike will accidentally cut the captain off, or leave the silence to long, but the captain doesn’t mind (it’s a nice reminder that nothing he says will actually go on to have consequence). at one point, mike gets out his phone to show the captain photos of his mate daniel and daniel's husband, not just their wedding day but casual photos- couples drinks with him and alison, dinners at each other's places, the bookshop.

alison and the other ghosts have long gone, and the sun is just about to sink below the horizon by the time the captain stands himself back up with the traditional knee crack and grunt. he looks at mike and nods, giving him a simple thank you before turning to walk (not run) back to button house, head held slightly higher and looking more relaxed than he’s been all episode. the captain has still got a lot to figure out, but at least it’s a start.

[i love the dramatic ending but the implication is that alison has to go and fetch mike bc he has no ideas cap has left and is prepared to keep going lol- also by no means is cap suddenly going to ditch his characterisation and become a yas kween gay right away, i didn’t go into the aftermath bc this is alreayd fucking LONG but let me know if you want follow up????}

EDIT: i've rbed this with the follow up/part 2 attached!

EDIT 2, much later: switched out mike's reference to his 'younger brother' to a school friend, since the christmas special confirmed mike only has sisters and we're all about accuracy here

#bbc ghosts #ghosts bbc #the captain #ben willbond #bbc ghosts captain #bbc ghosts headcanon #ghosts headcanon #lgbt #lgbtq #gay #mlm

231 notes · View notes

viridiave · 3 years

Text

NARUMITSU <ATTEMPTING TO READ THE SUBTEXT PLATONICALLY>

*Wrote all this some time last month so I might be off- really really off- also full disclosure I too am a Narumitsu shipper- this is just me giving myself a bad time doing the impossible and having fun XD

-I am going to fail sooner or later. Looking at you, Bridge to the Turnabout.

FIRST GAME >Turnabout Samurai -Yep. We're jumping right in with 'unnecessary feelings'. I'm going to be put on a stake for this. -This is going to become the main argument with any and all homoerotic subtext present in the first game- that it was unintentional. They didn't actively start making it gay until the second game, and even before then the producer for the games had to warn the development team not to try and insert these themes for fear of getting it wrong and lose the fanbase they'd accidentally caught the eye of. I can still create arguments for why this specific, hilariously meme-able line could be read romantically of course- but as far as the game development team at the time was concerned this interaction was never meant to be read as romantic. -Unease and uncertainty are... very valid feelings for Edgeworth to feel at this very moment and as much as I'd like to joke that he was feeling uncertain about his sexuality after seeing his childhood friend as an adult, this line was really just likely meant to lead up to the conclusion of Turnabout Goodbyes and Edgeworth's character arc for this game. His perfect win streak had just been shattered in a case prior. In this case, he was meant to persecute the lead actor of his favorite show- and in some ways his helping the defense can be taken as his biases getting the better of him. His sense of justice and his entire worldview is about to be overhauled, and I can see how he would regard this budding doubt in himself as an unnecessary (heh) distraction from what he believes is his true purpose in life.

>Turnabout Goodbyes -Edgeworth wanting to keep him away from DL-6 has its own section mostly because of how stubborn he becomes when it comes to Phoenix's insistence in particular. It's clear that this stubbornness is a front, I will concede with that- but there are merits to his initial reluctance in accepting Phoenix's defense. It's evident that Phoenix himself has grown over the course of the game so far, but in both of the times that he faced off against Edgeworth in court, his victories were... a tad bit contrived. For instance in Turnabout Sisters, Phoenix really only wins because Mia was being channeled and blackmailed White as he was about to leave the stand. Turnabout Samurai is a little better- but had him rely on quite a lot of coincidences (proven later to be substantiated) that surfaced during the trial. This is nothing to say of the deeper reason Edgeworth has over dissuading Phoenix from taking his case ("You in particular I cannot ask to do this.")- where I can make an argument for his pride and/or concern over Phoenix's career as an attorney. The stakes are relatively high here as well- if Phoenix fails, Edgeworth is incarcerated, Manfred von Karma goes free, DL-6 goes cold once again with no hope of getting re-opened, and everything that Phoenix has been working towards as an attorney would have been in vain. DL-6 is a case that has ruined many lives- it'd make sense if Edgeworth himself felt as though it would be a waste of time and effort to take this case because of how convinced he was of murdering his own father prior to Gourd Lake. He'd grown up for the past 15 years with a nightmare and a death sentence over his head- I wouldn't be surprised if he simply gave up and accepted that he was going to die at the hands of his prosecuting mentor. Even if he were acquitted for the murder of Robert Hammond, his perceived involvement in DL-6 would have thrown a wrench in his freedom- any lesser attorney would have given up on that. And this is unloaded BEFORE Phoenix tells him about the true reason as to why he became an attorney. -Phoenix's insistence to defend Edgeworth in this case can easily just be read as platonic- his complete, unfettered faith in Edgeworth's innocence is heavily influenced by that class trial, for better or for worse. While I'm perfectly happy to imagine that Phoenix's attachment to his idealized version of Edgeworth grew into something deeper sometime in the fifteen years that he hasn't seen him, I do believe that Phoenix in particular really is just that much of a sentimental person. This is to say nothing of his nature as a defense attorney- and what little time he's managed to spend with Mia has taught him that unbridled trust in his client is what gets him through the day, and he's putting it to practice here. Edgeworth was what he has been working towards the moment he decided he would practice law- as Phoenix at this point in time still believes that he could do no wrong despite seeing what Edgeworth is truly like in court. -Cutting into the meat of Phoenix and Edgeworth's shared past, I made a point earlier to say that Phoenix's perception of Edgeworth as a person is idealized. Every memory that Phoenix has had of Edgeworth prior to the events of the first game were from their childhood- and they had 4-8 months (plus one year if we're generous with the retconning some of the official art gave us) MAX to develop a friendship so strong that Phoenix makes major life decisions just to meet with this man. The fact that this time spent together was ENOUGH for Phoenix in the first place is... really hard to skirt around. To quote Dan from GameGrumps "this is something that you would only do for someone you're trying to marry" and if one of them was a woman I guarantee this ship would be canon already. But then again- since this is Phoenix Wright in particular somehow I can believe that he really is just that sentimental- and that isn't always a bad thing. He'd managed to save Edgeworth twice with this conviction after all. When Phoenix sees Edgeworth, he doesn't see a demon prosecutor, he sees his childhood friend who aimed to become a shining example of justice following in his father's footsteps. They address how shaky his foundations for becoming an attorney were in the Phoenix Wright Files once actually- going through a mini-existential crisis because he'd become an attorney with the main goal of saving Edgeworth from what he'd become, and now that he's accomplished that he's just kind of... lost. Edgeworth himself manages to pull him out of this, though. -man that hurts my case a lot actually but to be fair I was banking on failing -I just didn't expect it to happen so early even with the first game -in fact ESPECIALLY with the first game -though I cannot for the life of me wonder how I can come up with a heterosexual explanation for why the buildup towards Edgeworth telling Phoenix and Maya about his nightmares reads so much like a stunted love confession. I'm serious- just read any high school shojo manga ever. You'll find that it hits a lot of the same beats.

>Rise From The Ashes -It's in this case that we observe some of the consequences that the intial upheaval of Edgeworth's worldview in Turnabout Goodbyes causes him; distrust in the enforcement of the law. Not exactly the time for him to be dabbling in another, meme-able brand of unnecessary feelings. Several things like the Prosecutor's Office's relationship with the Police Department starts to waver with the murder of Bruce Goodman, and this becomes the final nail in the coffin for Edgeworth's worldviews and values as a prosecutor. His and Phoenix's teamwork in this trial becomes prevalent- the story behind the King of Prosecutors award represents this best despite it's currently incomplete state. The backstory behind this award paints an ideal of justice in the courtroom wherein the truth comes out as a result of the efforts of contradictory forces. A broken halberd that can cut through any shield (the prosecution) and a broken, unbreakable shield (the defense). Read as representation the text becomes something of a metaphor for the ideal justice that manifests itself in the best parts of Edgeworth and Phoenix respectively- the duality of their opposing professions rather than something that is limited to their relationship. -The same argument that I've used for Phoenix's unwavering belief in Edgeworth's innocence in Turnabout Goodbyes can be used for this case as well. -Though Edgeworth still goes M.I.A for a year after this case, it does grant his disappearance a bit more context as to why exactly it is that he left- and I'll be taking a tiny liberty with this and apply the interpretation that the Miles Edgeworth Files grants us, and that he left in order to better himself and grow as a person, a prosecutor, and as a friend to Phoenix Wright. It's... difficult for me to want to read this as anything but romantically-charged because the narrative beats are NOT lost on me (the dialogue makes this especially hard. send help.)- there's a possibility that Edgeworth at this point in time realizes the value in having a better, more functional dynamic with the one defense attorney who he considers a true equal in court. This dynamic will allow for less chances to encounter missteps and errors in any verdicts handed down in court, and if Edgeworth is to pursue his ideal of justice- Phoenix Wright is undoubtedly essential to this endeavor. The aftermath of Rise From The Ashes is indicative of this newfound goal of his- the symbolism behind the old King of Prosecutors award and the two halves of the evidence list certainly helps this case. -<"It seems all you do is worry about me." -Miles Edgeworth, Rise From The Ashes> For good fucking reason Edgeworth. You were accused of murder and have implicated yourself on the stand for DL-6 just a few months ago- and if the Investigations games are anything to go by, you're more of a danger magnet than PHOENIX is. I had to say it. The first Investigations game takes place over the course of 2-3 days and the sheer amount of shit that Edgeworth had to deal with in between that interval truly makes me wonder how Phoenix Wright ended up with the title of danger magnet. And THIS time- Edgeworth's car becomes a crime scene because his corrupt superiors needed a convenient way of transporting a corpse. There's VERY good reasons to worry about the livelihood of Miles Edgeworth. -Okay I... can't believe I forgot about the chessboard. Here's the kicker- the one we see from his office isn't even the only one he owns. I... legitimately cannot give you ANY purely heterosexual, platonic explanation for why Miles Edgeworth has THREE (THREE. I CANNOT OVERSTATE THIS. HE HAS T H R E E OF THESE FUCKING THINGS. GOOD GOD. HE CAN'T BE ANY MORE EXTRA.)(there exists a similar, portable set in the Investigations games- and he has a new set by the time of Dual Destinies) sets of custom-made chessboards with personalized, highly-specific red and blue designs made purely to depict his rivalry with Phoenix Wright. I fold. I give up. I forgot about the chessboards I wAS NOT EXPECTING TO FAIL THIS E A R LY- -You know what the real kicker is with Rise From the Ashes? The main argument that I have introduced back in Turnabout Samurai does not apply here. Rise From the Ashes was made as a DS-exclusive case and did not exist in the original GameBoy version of the Trilogy. Which means if there is homoerotic tension written in for this case (and there happens to be a lot. the chessboard is proof enough.), then we can safely assume that the writers at this point were well-aware. So yeah- maybe don't feel TOO bad about the unnecessary feelings line- because ever since then the writers have been playing off of that and it SHOWS. -Is there really a point to this I'm just- everything is stacked against me tryna interpret this platonically -Like I know I make a point to say that a romantic relationship isn't the end-all of all relationships because this franchise LOVES pushing the Found Family dynamic and I'm an absolute sucker for that -good god by the time Dual Destinies rolls around I'll probably just give up and happily say they're happily married -that's literally what they act like don't even pretend

#narumitsu #wrightworth #ace attorney #gyakuten saiban #phoenix wright #naruhodou ryuuichi #miles edgeworth #mitsurugi reiji #i'll probably write more once school blows over #so have the first game for now #trust me i tried #maybe i'm just not an anti-shipper and that's why i failed #uh feel free to set the comments on fire #but like civilly #we're all here to have fun okay #even if fun means shipping

41 notes · View notes

nellie-elizabeth · 4 years

Text

Grey's Anatomy: Give a Little Bit (16x18)

I knew Andrew was gonna be right... ugh... poor thing.

Cons:

I really cannot get a read on how I'm meant to feel about Teddy right now, but I basically think she's the worst. She's hurting Tom, she cheated on Owen, she seems completely selfish in all of her motivations. She thought Owen might have gotten another woman pregnant before they were even together, and because of that she slept with another man multiple times. Like... how am I supposed to feel sympathy? This whole plot thread is attempting to paint Owen as this super sweet, super good guy who is being hurt by those around him, but let's be real. Owen has the most terminal case of Nice Guy syndrome I've ever seen in my life, and he gets away with being emotionally unfaithful by giving puppy-dog eyes to everyone. I think he's boring and I think he's scummy.

The hospital is having a pro bono surgery day, and things are chaotic and way too busy, so Meredith extends the day, and says they're going to have pro bono surgeries once a month. This is after she finds out that the billionaire dude from last week's episode gave an insane amount of funding to the hospital, and she learns about Koracick's unethical practices to get that money. I agree that the American healthcare system is bonkers, and it's nice to see the show tackle that in a more meaningful way this season. But all of this just seems wacky to me. Can Meredith really make a promise like that? Wouldn't you think that doing something so ostentatious would draw attention to the hospital and make it more likely that Koracick's crime would be discovered?

Okay, so, the DeLuca situation is that he suspects a woman of human trafficking who comes in to the ER. He's been acting erratic, though, so people don't believe him until it escalates. Turns out, as we see when the woman and her victim leave, DeLuca was right, and they got away. I don't mind the idea of DeLuca having some issues and also being right, but the problem is in the way he couldn't get a single other person to take him seriously. Even Bailey only did a cursory once-over before deciding that DeLuca was delusional. If any other doctor had raised that concern, everyone would have taken it more seriously. I guess I just wish for a bit more balance on this kind of thing, and I hope Bailey feels like crap for doubting him when the truth comes out.

Pros:

Jackson had this cute little subplot where he goes around trying to find someone to go to a basketball game with him. Vic was supposed to go, but they've broken up. He asks Owen, who turns him down. He asks Jo, who is offended at being a backup choice. He asks Hayes, who says it's not really his thing. Jackson has been pissing me off this season, so I'm always on the lookout to be frustrated by the plot threads he's given. But I like how his loneliness and feelings post-breakup have led to him seeking companionship in this sweet way.

He and Maggie have a totally civil exchange as they talk about Richard and Catherine's divorce, and it turns out Jackson has been trying not to take sides, but of course Richard doesn't know that. With guidance from Maggie, Jackson asks Richard to go to the basketball game, and he gleefully accepts. I thought that was really cute! It's nice to see Maggie and Jackson acting like adults around each other for once, and Richard and Jackson finding ways to stay close is something I didn't know I wanted to see until I had seen it.

So... Levi and Nico have broken up. This has been the way the wind was blowing for a while. There's a part of me that feels frustrated that Nico didn't get a fair shake from the writers. We didn't get much time to actually learn about him as a person, separate from what he meant to Levi. But that said, if we take Nico's behavior at face value, Levi really needed to get out of that relationship. Just the fact that Levi wanted to talk, and Nico said "what now" is enough of a red flag for me on its own. What the hell, Nico. And I think Levi is in this strange position of feeling a special connection to Nico because he helped him realize who he is, and come to terms with his sexuality. And yet honestly, Nico has not treated him well recently. At all. And Levi is learning how to be in a relationship, learning how to ask for what he wants. It's not unreasonable to expect to be at least a consideration in Nico's mind as he contemplates taking a job that will keep him on the road half the time. The fact that Nico doesn't take Levi into account is proof that they're not on the same page.

Jo's struggle this week is about what people should call her. She's not Dr. Karev anymore, and she doesn't like Dr. Wilson either... so for now she'll be Dr. Jo. Obviously I'm going to be frustrated about the Alex thing for a very long time, but if this is what we have to work with, I'm glad Jo is doing alright in the aftermath. She's sleeping on her couch instead of her bed, but at least she's sleeping. She's grumpy about going into work, but at least she goes.

My favorite exchange in the whole episode goes to Jo and Levi, actually. As they both lament the ends of their relationships together, Jo offers to let Levi come stay with her for a while. He replies: "Jo, that time in my mom's basement was a one-time thing, I'm a gay man." Jo lets out a peel of her infectious, joyous laughter, and says: "That's why you're getting the invite, dummy!" I've always loved Jo's laugh, and it was really heartening to see her in a place where she could be cheerful like that. I'm all for Levi and Jo being weird roommates for a bit!

The ongoing saga of Owen/Teddy/Koracick/Amelia/Link drama will never fail to piss me off, but it does appear that one "branch" of the drama is officially over. Last week I hoped that Amelia would tell Owen right away that the baby's not his, so we could knock off at least one cause of stupid angst. And lo and behold - right at the start of the episode, Amelia marches into the room, and tells Owen and Teddy both: "the baby is Link's!" I was so happy about this, even as I continue to be pissed off at Teddy for trying to use the possible paternity of Amelia's baby as an excuse for her infidelity.

Tom Koracick really is a good man. He talks about how he's slept with a lot of women, but he has a code about it, and he's not going to sleep with Teddy if she's married. He basically lets her go, and tells her to go fix things with Owen. See, despite all of this stupid shit with him basically accepting a bribe, I still really like this character and I want him around more. Teddy doesn't deserve him, frankly. Maybe Owen does. Have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of Owen?

While there's something ridiculous about the whole "pro bono days every month" thing, and I wish we could get more into the ramifications, I will say that I love the way the broken healthcare system is being demonstrated, by showing all of these patients that the system has failed. Particularly, a black woman in extreme pain who has been turned away by several doctors, and a veteran who has severe PTSD and has been lashing out and having seizures. Both of these patients are having to advocate way, way too hard to get the help they need, and Meredith responds to this, vowing to do what she can to help. These stories really worked to highlight the situation. They were memorable and they made me want to see success!

I think that's where I'll stop. There are things about this show that will always frustrate me, but there are also always thing to enjoy. That's my mantra when it comes to Grey's Anatomy!

7.5/10

#review #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy review #greys anatomy #greys anatomy review #grey's abc #greys abc

20 notes · View notes

smores100 · 4 years

Note

once again we’re in full agreement lol. What’s your take on s3 remakes you’ve watched? Wondering how you feel about Skam FR as it’s kind of a similar situation to me where the chemistry & beauty is there but the writing and style is iffy (overwrought &overdramatic). My favorite s3 is druck. As a wlw I had high hopes for españa but it was p slow/v desexualized—a whole discussion, but my other gay friend & I were disappointed given how remakes with guys don’t hold back in that respect.. Thoughts?

Honestly re: wtfock tho I really do wonder if they had like one good writer in the room surrounded by fools. Bc it really does feel like some group projects I’ve been in where I feel like I’m the only one who’s not a fucking fool and carry the whole thing while having to fend off bad ideas (but when the majority rules, those bad ideas/execution get put in). I wonder if that’s what happened w wtfock.

re: wtfock, lol group projects are the worst….idk what wtfock’s writing process was like, but i’d love to know it. according to their wiki there were 3 writers this season? all seem to be male, naturally. did the two other writers have good ideas but there was a main writer who overruled them and did his own thing? or maybe they’re the rl one brain cell squad, that would explain a lot :p in any case, i’m unimpressed (friday’s clips did not help with that).

as for the other part of your ask….oh damn i have so many Thoughts on that, lol. this is probably gonna get long and messy, but you asked for it!

* druck - my absolute favorite. it’s the only one i’ve watched since s1, so that definitely played a part in my emotional investment and attachment. still, there was more to it than that. it was the closest to og imo in vibe and style (it felt small, real, lowkey, quiet, natural like og, as opposed to - as you said - overwrought and overdramatic + overproduced like the others); they cast an actual trans guy to play a trans character, if you wanna talk about a skam remake doing something REVOLUTIONARY? druck is the one; i loved matteo’s and david’s characterizations, how they both had a bit of isak and even in them, and the role reversal in some scenes, made things feel fresh *and* fit their characters/story; i LOVE that teens matteo and david were played by actual teens michi and lukas!! they’ve completely ruined me for all other remakes, bc thissssss is how it’s supposed to be! thisssss is how it should look like! THEY ARE KIDDOS. and they (druck and michi/lukas) truly captured what it’s like to be young and fall in love for the first time, the awkwardness and the nervousness and stuttering and fumbling around, the softness and pureness and innocence of it all!!! also they have THE BEST dynamic - other people might prefer all the hot kissing and steamy making out and the smouldering looks, but me? i just couldn’t get enough of their dumb chaotic energy, best friends who love each other deeply and are also constantly little shits to one another. gimme them pranking each other and playfighting every day! and then being soft and THE HANDS and matteo being a clingy koala basking in david’s affection :3 i also loved how for the most part they didn’t just copy/paste og’s storyline, they made some changes and knew how to make *other* changes accordingly for it to make sense and fit the story *they* were telling - for example, replacing the ‘call your gf’ scene with matteo’s panic attack/breakdown (one of my fave scenes), or their reunion at the end of ep 7 (replacing the desperate kissing + sex with a comforting and relieved yet also bittersweet and melancholic hug), or even matteo getting advice from his drug dealer instead of the school’s doctor, lol. also THE BEST BOY SQUAD, hands down. and matteo is my favorite isak bc to me he felt like his own character instead of just another isak, he was different and reletable and a constant Mood. that being said - it wasn’t perfect and it had its issues. there were a few times when i did feel they stuck too close to og scenes and it didn’t *entirely* work for me, just felt a bit off; i will forever be disappointed that they didn’t directly address and acknowledge matteo’s mental state/depression, bc there were enough signs imo to indicate that he did suffer from something. they mentioned ‘therapy’ in mia’s, alex’s and kiki’s cases, i truly thought they would with matteo as well, but alas, they dropped the ball on that one; i was extremely upset with david’s outing, but i’ve since calmed down and have managed to see it in a more positive light, tho i still have mixed feelings about it and am not fully on board with that decision, still wish it had been done differently (but at least! it wasn’t brushed off and was addressed immediately and eventually led to david having agency and yelling out his pain!!! which was good and important and cathartic); also eps 8 and 9 were pretty messy writing-wise, things either didn’t make sense or would’ve made more sense had the clips were organized differently (that random ping pong clip….?). overall tho, the good outweighed the bad, and it remains my fave

* skam france - now that’s a tricky one. the way i felt about it in the first half of the season, is different from the way i felt about it in the second half of the season, is different from the way i feel about ever since watching druck’s s3. it’s funny you should say how similar it is to wtfock for you, bc i’ve been thinking the same thing for quite some time. those neighboring countries sure have a shared flair for the dramatic! fr’s s3 was pretty much the first s3 i watched (i gif-watched half of skamit, couldn’t get into it). i wasn’t planning to (i was extremely unimpressed by the couple of s1 eps i tried watching, and same by axel’s acting in those first two seasons), but even is the loml and they got me gooood with their eliott pov trailer, which might have affected my excitement over it during the first half. back then i really enjoyed it for the most part, despite some clips being rushed or missing the point thus not fully having the required effect (their locker room scene, for example, or the ‘generalizations are bad’ convo), or how much i hated basile (a character so obviously written by a man it’s amazing), or the cheesy piano music. there were enough good things for me to focus on instead (more in a bit) that i could ignore the things i didn’t like or weren’t as good imo. however, all the positivity got sucked out of me when yann noped tf out after lucas came out to him bc WAY TO MISS THE POINT OF SKAM!!! and things went downhill after the director’s IT’S NOT DISNEYLAND IT’S FRANCE 2019 comment. i’m getting all upset just thinking about it, but to say *that*, to explain that horrendous decision bc lowkey homophobic reactions are realistic!!! only to THEN be all ‘haha jk yann isn’t homophobic! we just wanted you to *think* he was! he’s actually an awesome friend who took several days to reflect on all his past wrongdoings while his bff was at home having a nervous breakdown bc he believed his bff hated him!’ ughhhhhhhhh, miss me with that shit. great that they had yann apologizing for his past comments, but the way in which it was done was for pure shock value and angst, completely ooc for his character (all season he was all ‘tell me tell me tell me let me help let me help let me help’ only to do *that*?? nahh), and interesting how out of everyone the only black character was the only one with a negative reaction (remind you of anyone), highlighted even more during ep 7 aka the ott lucas coming out tour. then ep 8, that should have been 100% all lucas and eliott and building up to eliott’s manic episode suddenly had that weird random pov changing clip in the middle of it which truly wtf, basile was still basile, lucas thanked chloe for outing him, more scenes felt rushed, they had sex in school where people could come and go in front of huge windows in broad daylight and luckily didn’t get poisoned from licking all that paint! and i did not like the flatshare, i absolutely hated mika and lisa kicking lucas out of his room - which he pays rent for! - and manon not even trying to put up a fight, and them being like ‘roommate isn’t just a place, it’s a way of living. that’s a family, and you’re more like a cousin.’ ‘a second cousin.’ ughhhhhh and then when eliott was recovering from his depressive episode, they *still* didn’t give lucas his room back or at least let eliott stay there, he was sleeping on the couch, i’m aldjlajdafj. can’t believe i’m gonna say it, but TAKE NOTES FROM WTFOCK. tl;dr there were some good moments in the second half, but i was feeling bitter more often than not about certain things, so my enjoyment wasn’t as high as when it first started. and after watching druck, druck’s brand is definitely much more my style. plus, i was already struggling with making myself believe axel and maxence were in their teens, but after druck it’s completely impossible, so i just pretend they’re in college or something lol. all my issues with it aside, i’d still rate it higher than wtfock, bc overall the writing was better, more coherent, and made much more sense. i also liked lucas’ friendship with the girls; i loved that instead of copying the underwater kiss + 21:21 like some others have, they came up with their own thing i.e. polaris, which i thought was lovely; the lucas/manon crying in the middle of the night together in front of the tv was one of my fave scenes of the season; also love how we were introduced to eliott on the first week! and they spent time together! and specifically the piano playing scene, ohhhh; and in general elu are sweet and i reeeeally like axel and maxence and their friendship. so yeah, it had some major issues, but i’d rather have a coherent story with something done for shock value and drama ONCE than an incoherent story with several shock value moments.

* skam espana - sorry to hear you girls were disappointed! i only watched half of it, so i can only comment on what i saw. i decided to binge watch s1 and give s2 a shot when i heard they were giving cris isak’s story - it felt a bit weird to me, but it was also something different and new, and i did have an appreciation for their decision to have a wlw season (also much more revolutionary to me than showing a gay bashing), so i was intrigued and willing to try it. sadly i didn’t really vibe with s1? it’s totally a personal preference i think, maybe even a cultural thing idk, but it felt very fast and loud and hectic to me, idrk how to explain it. i was just more into the chill more lowkey vibe of druck and skamnl. but i still gave s2 a shot, and idk, it still wasn’t my cup of tea. i thought it was ok for the most part, but there were some things that bothered me - joana/cris felt underdeveloped to me? and things b/w them felt like they were moving so fast from the second they met, like jona was so intense and forward ALL THE TIME, they had like 6 almost kisses in a really short time, like shhh slow down. i remember disliking their ‘call your gf’ scene, it felt really petty and kinda mean to me? bc i felt like joana came on to cris *really* strongly and *very* frequently, so cris was more than entitled to feel hurt and betrayed when she found out joana had a bf, but then cris was kissing a dude and joana positioned herself and her bf in front of cris so she’d see them kissing too, and i just didn’t like bc seriously?? cris is valid, just apologize to her and explain?? idr much else tbh, they had some really cute and sweet scenes afterwards, i’m still against doing the underwater kiss + 21:21 so i was kinda meh about that (tho aesthetically speaking it was BEAUTIFUL, and i’m like, fiiiiine girls deserve an underwater kiss too, i’ll allow it just this once!), and that cuddling clip in ep 6 i think was sweet and the last one i watched. like i said, i was less vibing with this remake, and iirc it was going on during druck’s s3 and skamnl’s s2 - which were my faves, plus skamfr was on too i think and i was lowkey following it too, so….there was just too much all at once and something had to go, and it was skamesp. it was also around the time when panaphobia-gate happened, so *shrugs* i’m not wlw myself so your opinion on it being desexualized is probably more valid than mine? i just know when i did watch, there was a lot of kissing and making out and being cute and touchy with each other, so i thought it was ok? as i’ve mentioned before, i don’t need to see a naked butt or anything like that to *get* it lol, i thought they were lovely! but that’s just me. i will say that my faaaave part was most definitely the cris/amira friendship. they were so wonderful! one of the best skam friendships imo. i might one day go back and finish the season just for the heck of it, but they didn’t do anything major or highly offensive that made me have negative feelings towards it, it was just a personal preference + circumstances (too many remakes!) that made me be less into it and drop it before the end.

#phallusophical #replies #sorry for the gigantic wall of text!#but like i said - you asked! haha #i'd put this under a read more but my blog theme makes it harder to read there so....sorry!#all those who aren't interested in my opinions just quickly scroll past this just this one time ty #aaaaanyway hope this answered your question??? 😊#skam remakes #long post #druck #skam france #wtfock #skam spain

18 notes · View notes

errgative · 5 years

Text

Japanese Literature Essentials

This is a list of five classic Japanese books and short stories that I feel are essential reads for anyone interested in Japan. I’ve chosen these books not only because they are excellent literature in their own right, but because they offer unique insight into Japanese culture and showcase the differences between Japanese and Western literature. Whether or not you are studying Japanese, I think you can gain something valuable by reading them. I know there are many great books I’ve left off this list, but Japanese literature is just too expansive to be summarized in one post - feel free to reblog with your own favorites if I didn’t include them!

Murasaki Shikibu: The Tale of Genji (源氏物語)

Recommended Translation: Royall Tyler

The Tale of Genji is one of the most iconic and foundational works in the history of Japanese literature. Written at the peak of the Heian period, it combined aspects of Chinese literature with traditional forms of Japanese storytelling, resulting in an 1100 page (written almost entirely in kana!!) epic that follows Genji through his adventures and romantic pursuits while giving insight into Heian court life. I feel that Tyler’s translation brings the beautiful Classical Japanese prose to life while preserving the original aesthetics of the tale.

The author, Murasaki Shikibu, was a lady-in-waiting at the Imperial Court. Although women were traditionally not taught Chinese, she was able to study it due to her immense talent. Her mastery of literature is shown in that Genji was greatly praised even at the time of its release, despite her being a woman.

Soseki Natsume: Kokoro (こころ)

Recommended Translation: Edwin McClellan

Soseki is often regarded as the founder of modern Japanese literature. His works are informed by his life experiences, as well as issues salient to Meiji-era Japan, such as the westernization of Japan and conflicts between modern and traditional culture.

Kokoro takes place during the transition out of the Meiji era. The central characters are a young student and the man he idolizes, called Sensei. Through the young man’s relationship with his parents and Sensei, Soseki explores the boundaries between urban and rural values, as well as what it means to receive an education. The third and final part is in the form of a letter from Sensei, and deals with themes of guilt, isolation, and the egoism of youth, as the reality behind the student’s idealization of him is revealed.

In the interest of full disclosure, this is my favorite book on this list and definitely in my top five books of all time - it has only a spare, basic plot, but manages to convey the feeling of an entire nation in a time of transition, while not sacrificing beautiful language or complex, nuanced characters.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke: Hell Screen (地獄変)

Recommended Translation: I actually don’t know who translated the version I’ve read, since it’s a pdf that doesn’t include the title page. Contact me if you want it, or pick a translation that sounds good to you.

Akutagawa was one of the most influential Japanese writers of the twentieth century. Japan’s most prestigious literary award, the Akutagawa Prize, is named after him. He is probably best known outside of Japan for his story Rashomon, which inspired Kurosawa Akira’s film of the same name. Much of his work deals with what he perceives as the corruption and spiritual anxiety of modern life, as well as themes of obsession, isolation, and illusion.

Hell Screen is a short story set in an ambiguously medieval Japan, potentially the late Heian period. It centers around the painter Yoshihide, who is the finest painter in the land, but hates everything except for his art and his daughter. He is commisioned by a lord to create a screen painted with the Buddhist hell. Through Yoshihide, Akutagawa explores the nature of artistic obsession and the conflict between art and moral behaviour, all while creating a sense of uncertainty around the truth by choosing an unnamed courtier who is devoted to the lord as a narrator. The end result is a wonderfully disturbing story that subtly critiques modern ways of thinking in the guise of a Buddhist parable.

Warning for implied rape.

Mishima Yukio: Forbidden Colors (禁色)

Recommended Translation: Alfred H. Marks

One of the most well-known postwar Japanese authors, Mishima wrote about themes such as beauty, gender, sexual desire, and patriotism, and his work has been equally praised and criticized for its long, flowing descriptions and decadent prose. Today, Mishima is known almost as much for his gruesome death by ritual suicide as for his literary accomplishments.

Some of you might wonder why I chose to include Forbidden Colors on this list rather than the better known and less disturbing Confessions of a Mask. While it’s true that both of them feature gay protagonists and involve similar themes, I feel that the viscerally disgusting nature of Forbidden Colors makes it a much more powerful read. It is by no means enjoyable, essentially being 400 pages of nothing but hatred and vitriol. Both the protagonist, Yuichi, and his ‘mentor,’ Shunsuke, are amoral, manipulative, and hopelessly misogynistic. The plot is based around Shunsuke’s quest to get revenge on the entire female population by using Yuichi’s good looks as his weapon. Yuichi starts out as somewhat naïve and afraid, thinking he’s the only man to ever be gay, but begins to become more and more like Shunsuke, adopting his misogynistic habits and using his experiences in Tokyo’s gay scene to learn how to weaponize his beauty. The horrifying story of what Yuichi does and experiences provides a harsh, angry critique of Japanese society without any moments of hope or levity.

While I do highly recommend this book, please know that it is highly disturbing and if you cannot read books that contain rape/dubious consent, graphic violence, extreme misogyny, or homophobia, it might be a good idea to skip it.

Enchi Fumiko: Masks (女面)

Recommended Translation: Juliet Carpenter

Enchi is probably the most well-known female Japanese writer from the Showa period. She drew attention to the plight of women in an increasingly militaristic and patriarchal Japan, and achieved success after World War II despite the male-dominated Japanese literary establishment. Her works explore gender and the nature of power.

I had a hard time deciding whether to include Masks or The Waiting Years; both are powerful explorations of female forms of power, and both are quintessentially Japanese in nature. Ultimately Masks won out because of its direct ties to The Tale of Genji, which opened this list. Masks draws on countless layers of Japanese culture, from Genji to traditional shamanistic practices to Noh theatre and art. The story is told from the perspective of men, but as the novel goes on, it becomes clear that the men are being manipulated by the crafty Mieko, whose schemes quickly ensnare the narrators. Central to the story is an essay Mieko wrote on the role of the Rokujo Lady in Genji. Ultimately, Masks is about power, how it can be subverted, and the results of those subversions, while simultaneously exploring the nature of gender, revenge, and legacy. It’s hard to summarize the genius of this book - the way Enchi weaves together differing sources and plot threads into a cohesive, indictive whole - in one paragraph, but I hope you all will read it.

Once again, I’m including warnings, this time for graphic sex, dubious consent (in that one party does not know who the other is), graphic descriptions of blood, and death.

More Recommendations:

Soseki Natsume: I am a Cat; Botchan

Akutagawa Ryunosuke: Spinning Gears; Kappa

Oe Kenzaburo: The Silent Cry; Hiroshima Notes

Enchi Fumiko: The Waiting Years

Tanizaki Junichiro: Naomi

Kawabata Yasunari: The Old Capital; Thousand Cranes

Mishima Yukio: Death in Midsummer - Onnagata, Patriotism

Murakami Ryu: Almost Transparent Blue

Abe Kobo: The Woman in the Dunes

Yoshimoto Banana: Kitchen

#japanese #literature #bookblr #languages #litblr #japanese literature #japanese langblr #book review #langblr #mine

81 notes · View notes

sege-h · 5 years

Text

I want to talk about pride

Its been like 4 days? I think? Since Macedonia had it’s first pride. And I can’t stop thinking about it

I have so many emotions.

And some are a bit weird. Mostly because I feel like I do when I’ve been somewhere else, like Amsterdam, and then I come back home and still feel the excitement of travel, and it’s like ‘I want to be back at Amsterdam, like right now’.

I feel like that about pride, and it’s so odd, because I didnt GO anywhere. I didn’t even go out of my town. I was in the middle of my town.

This was my first pride, and I always thought that my first pride would be out of the country. Since last year, I’ve been ready to have my first pride be Europride next year, unless my aunt decided to surprise me inbetween and take me to a pride in Amsterdam.

And then, it happened here. We found out about it in March, I think. Before that, the most I was ready to do in this country that was pride-related, was go to pride week. I’d found out it was a thing here. It wasn’t a parade, but more like small events involving the community.

And then the pride parade got announced. And it was Big. It was exciting and terrifying from the start.

There were happy exciting things, like imagining what it’d be like in good ways, thinking about what colorful things I could wear, and how I’d paint my nails with my flag colors.

And terrifying things, like planning escape routes just in case, and planning where to meet back up so we could just run if something happened instead of trying to stick together.

And when the time came, it was still just as exciting and terrifying, if not more!

Exciting to see all the people, and the flags. Especially since I was a person that had never seen any pride flags up close before! The only one I’d seen irl was one that hung out the window of a building that I passed every day omw to work

Terrifying to think someone could have ill intentions. Especially with a “counter-parade” happening at the same time, on a route parallel to ours, with only buildings between us.They wanted to uphold “traditional values” and the “importance of having kids” and dressed in traditional Macedonian clothing, I suppose to show that they were still stuck with a 1903 mentality. But I digress.

At the beginning, it was impossible not to constantly glance around in paranoia. Smiling and talking, but still cautious as if something would happen at any second.

Sis put glitter on my face, which I find important, even though it might seem silly. The last time I had glitter on my face, I had been in the 8th grade, I think. Or maybe the 7th. I was on a school trip, away from home. A party got planned, and for the first time, some girls in my class that had been my bullies, decided to be nice to me.

They’d said they could make me pretty for the party, they lent me their make up, and put it on me. Eyeshadow, lip gloss, mascara, I think? And glitter. I went to the party like that. And by the end of it, I didn’t understand why they’d been so nice to me, for once. I’d expected them to start laughing at me, or to ask me to do a school project as a favor, or dump something on me like in Carrie, though not as morbid.

I cautiously appreciated it. But looking at myself in the mirror, and the photo I’d taken of myself. I didn’t like it. I looked pretty, but it didn’t look like myself. It was like someone else that had the same face as me, and it was jarring. At the time, I didn’t know why, since I had like 0 things figured out about myself.

And now, I had glitter again. And I was with people that loved me, and I wasnt paranoid about them being nice for bad reasons.

And we were surrounded by so many people that were like us. Some of them clearly had it worse than us, and had their pride flags tied around their faces to hide who they are. But they were like us, and I hope they won’t have to hide one day.

The parade started. The first half of it had me feeling paranoid, and the second had me sinking into all the excitement and almost forgetting about the rest of the world.

There were signs like ‘I’m PANtastic” with the ‘pan’ in the flag colors, and “THE FUTURE IS QUEER”, and a person with a “PROUD MOTHER” sign written in colorful cyrilic letters

A trans boy was at the front of the parade, dancing with the trans flag waving behind him

A huge long gay flag was being carried by a whole row of people

The sight of all these things happening around me had me tearing up. Which, if you know me, isnt very hard to do. But it also had sis tearing up, and that is hard to do, especially in public

Like, it was overwhelming, in a good way. This was happening here, in our country, in our town, on our streets, in our home. After years of people saying it would never happen. Not all of them in a malicious way. A lot of them were just tired skeptical parts of our own community.

But it was happening, and it was amazing, and beautiful.

The days after pride were, and are, strange and exciting. 2 days later we went to see two short movies about the first pride. One of them was about the trans boy I mentioned, and how his dad found out he’s trans BECAUSE of pride, and sent death threats to his mom. By the end of that night, the night we watched the movie, he’d apologized. Which, we were told, even though hes still not a good person, was still a big thing.

That same boy will possibly be giving me my first binder if my measurements fit, which is another layer of excitement.

But what happened to him is another layer of fear. There’s this scary awareness after this first pride, where you just know his story isnt the only one like that. You know other people got seen at pride, either in person or through photos, by people in their lives, and that it was either bad or uncomfortable or both. Hell, I feel a sense of discomfort that someone in my family will see me or hear about me being there, and go question me as to why I was there.

But overall, my feelings are ones of extreme positivity. It was like that for a lot of people.

The people that made the short movies have a mentor from Amsterdam. And she said that even though she’s from Amsterdam and they have something pride related like every other month, being here for our first and experiencing it made her cry from joy.

Sis and another friend have already been to pride outside the coyntry. They both say that this feels different. Because you’re home, and you’re on the streets you’ve always known, and you understand the people around you, and run into friends.

Now I’m in my room, and the arm band from the parade is on my shelf, and fir the first time I have a pride flag in my room, even tho it’s one of those little paper ones. And I feel so happy every time I look at it.

I know things are far from perfect, and the fight is far from over. But I’m excited for the future.

#Personal #long post #I just have a lot of emotions ok

7 notes · View notes

canadiangeekgirl · 5 years

Link

Photo, Canadian Press.

I’m scared about what’s happening in Canada.

When Donald Trump was elected in 2016, many of us Canadians wagged our fingers smugly at our southern neighbour. “What were they thinking?” we said to one another in line at Tim Hortons. We spent the next year or so glued to CNN, more captivated by American politics than what’s happening here.

We might have wanted to pay more attention.

The tide in the Great White North appears to be shifting right — but not in the way we’re used to. This isn’t a typical liberal-conservative tug-o-war, the ebb and flow we’ve seen throughout election cycles. This new movement is one that has already swept through Hungary, Poland, the U.S., it’s fuelled Brexit in the U.K. and has seen the rise of the far-right party Alternative for Germany, who have been compared to the Nazi regime. And it’s tilted so far to the right that it threatens to upend our democracy and the very liberties we’ve fought for.

While conservatives have historically called for less government regulation, lower taxes and a stronger military, today’s Canadian right-wing politics has rebranded itself to include more visible intolerance. Bigotry isn’t just bubbling under the surface these days, it’s out in the open and proudly displayed for when the guests come over.

This ugly, newfound boldness threatens to dominate the next federal election, impacting not only the world’s view of us a fair, diverse and welcoming country, but also the lives of all marginalized Canadians. That keeps me up at night.

As a gay mother with a trans child in the Ontario school system, and as a human rights advocate who spends a lot of time on social media, I’m on the receiving end of a lot of messages from people who think it’s “about time” politicians start standing up to “special interest groups.” We’ve been coddled for too long, they say, and we don’t deserve special treatment. They mock, namecall and outright threaten those of us who fight for the rights of marginalized people to be preserved. They’ve always done this, of course, but their voices, now embolded by the very politicians and public figures they support, are growing in number and getting angrier. I’ve had to file two police reports after my life was threatened — and those are only the incidents I reported.

This swing to the populist right is both in our face and insidious. Donald Trump might be loud and brash, but his win was unexpected by most. We surveyed the damage from up north, thinking it couldn’t possibly happen here. Surely, Canadians know better. We didn’t.

Modern populism has grown quietly, from the pages of right-wing websites to the birth of new neo-fascist groups such as the Proud Boys, now designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Support for the populism movement gained traction through one protest, one meeting, and one tweet at a time. Now it’s loud and it’s everywhere. It unseated Premier Kathleen Wynne and her Ontario government, with Premier Doug Ford and the Conservatives promising little more than a buck-a-beer and the end of teaching gender identity in schools.

And then, in October 2018, Premier Ford met privately with university professor Jordan Peterson. While the premier openly discussed other meetings that had taken place around that time, the public only learned of this one after the CBC obtained his itinerary through a freedom of information request.

Wildly popular in some right-wing circles, Peterson’s views have been slammed as retrograde, problematic and dangerous. He became well-known after taking a stand against using trans people’s chosen pronouns, claiming being forced to do so is an attack on free speech. He argued vehemently against the federal Liberal government’s now-passed trans rights bill, speaking in front of the senate committee overseeing the bill, and warned his followers about the dangers of “compelled speech.” Peterson has also proposed “enforced monogamy” as a way to reduce male violence and believes “crazy women” can’t be controlled by men because men can’t resort to physical violence against them.

Despite, or, perhaps, because of these views, Peterson, who teaches at the University of Toronto, earns tens of thousands of dollars monthly from his Patreon account, a site where fans can pledge financial support to creators of all stripes. These donations are given to him by admirers, many of them Canadians.

Ford, meanwhile, campaigned heavily on the removal of Ontario’s most current incarnation of the sex-ed curriculum, and followed through — a move that has earned much criticism and more than one lawsuit. However, it was also, in part, what earned his party a majority government. A slew of Ontarians has proudly come out in support of Ford’s policies, including the removal of mandatory student funding for certain college and university services, such as pride centres.

A week before meeting with Premier Ford, Peterson had spoken out in a tweet against the Ontario Human Rights Commission, claiming it to be the most “dangerous” organization in Canada, and calling for the Ford government to abolish it. Peterson has previously said he doesn’t agree with the OHRC’s support of gender identity and gender expression. The OHRC had just joined the legal fight against the Ontario provincial government’s removal of the sex-ed curriculum, which covered LGBTQ+ issues, consent and cyber-bullying.

The Ontario Human Rights Commission does exactly what the name implies: using the Ontario Human Rights Code as its guide, it strives to protect all Ontarians from discrimination and harassment. Those who are fiscally-minded might also appreciate how the OHRC first tries to resolve issues between parties out of court, taking the less-expensive mediation approach. It is not the country’s most dangerous organization, but its dismantling could certainly be very dangerous.

The timing of this secret meeting should ring alarm bells for liberals and conservatives alike. Protecting human rights is, after all, supposed to be a closely-held Canadian value.

Trump’s 2016 victory was a dog whistle for bigotry that reached the ears of Canadians. Doug Ford has proven Ontario will welcome similar politics, while Maxime Bernier’s People’s Party of Canada, a federal right-wing party formed in 2018, has over 30,000 members and a social media presence that speaks out against “political correctness” and “diversity nonsense.”

Taking a page from the Yellow Vest movement in France, the Facebook group “Yellow Vests Canada” has more than 100,000 members. What began as a place to organize protests around the country quickly became a spot where anti-Liberal sentiments and memes are circulated around the clock, several going so far as to call for the Prime Minister’s death. Immigration is regularly condemned, and Islamophobia is dismissed as a made-up word.

While some of the most offensive posts have been removed over recent weeks, the views are still crystal clear. This group isn’t just anti-tax and pro-oil, it’s filled to the brim with intolerance. This message is consistent throughout provincial groups as well, such as BC Proud, Alberta Proud and Ontario Proud. With a combined total of hundreds of thousands of members in these groups, cries of fake news and the danger of refugees abound.

These sentiments don’t just live online.

Statistics Canada reported hate crimes had reached historically high levels in 2017, rising 47 per cent over the previous year, with Ontario and Quebec leading the pack on reported incidents. Black, Jewish and Muslim people were targeted most. Quebec saw a 50 per cent increase in hate crimes overall, and crimes against Muslims tripled between 2016 and 2017. In January of 2017, a shooter killed six men and injured several others in a Quebec City Mosque. Meanwhile, Ontario saw a 207 per cent increase in hate crimes against Muslims, and an 84 per cent increase against Black people. Crimes against LGBTQ+ people have also climbed. Swastikas have been spray painted on synagogues and other buildings across the country. Intolerance is growing.

Populism has many sources. Perhaps there are people who are tired of looking inward and are now lashing outward. Maybe, for some, it’s simpler to blame immigrants when they can’t find work than the companies who cut minimum wage jobs and still pay their executives millions in bonuses. Maybe it’s easier to find a scapegoat, to call someone like me a child abuser for supporting my transgender teen, than it is to grow and broaden our ideas of what’s normal.

Societal change can be hard and it can make people uncomfortable, but that’s a flimy excuse for discrimination.

Intolerance has never gone away, it was simply out of fashion for a while. Now it’s back with a fresh new look and a boost from fake news and social media.

We should all care deeply about this frightening political shift and where it could take us.

I know I care, which is why I’m so scared about what’s happening in this country, and what’s yet to come.

Amanda Jetté Knox is an award-winning writer, public speaker and LGBTQ advocate. She is the author of Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family, which will be published in August 2019 from Penguin Random House Canada. She lives in Ottawa with her wife and four kids.

#editor's picks #canada #White Supremacy #racism #trump #intolerance #LGBTQIA

4 notes · View notes

bluemoonpunch · 6 years

Text

I wanted to make this post to clear up some things that some of you very passionate taekook and jikook shippers who were upset because one of the asks I responded to made it seem like I was favoring/bashing jikook/taekook — somehow both sides managed to take it badly.

I wanted to apologize to anyone who thought that I was bashing Jimin or trying to portray Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship in a bad light. That really wasn’t my intention, but I did realize that with the way I answered that post anyone who had not read the Jimin and Jungkook relationship reading, Jimin’s Elemental Alignment reading, or any of the group readings it would be difficult, without that context, to catch my point. That was my fault. Honestly, not that many people come onto the blog or find my posts without having already read other readings which is why I tend to answer them as though people already know what I am talking about.

Just to clear things up, I don’t hate Jimin and I sure as fuck do not align myself with people that hate him purely because they are “supporters” of an opposing ship, or hate him for any reason at all really. As a grown adult, I am well past that stage in my life where I find jollies or even the slightest bit of use in hating people, especially people I don’t know personally. I’m beyond that and I encourage people that peruse my blog to also stay beyond that quite often.

I am not an “anti-jikook” shipper or supporter/opposer or whatever. I like all ships. Literally, since the dawn of time (2007) I’ve always been one of those people that liked all the ships in any fandom I’ve been a part of just because I’ve always liked the variations of connections that people seem to pick up on. I am not, however, one of those people that feels the need to show “support” for potentially closeted romantic couples by starting ship wars, constantly trying to “prove” that they are gay, or harassing other people who don’t have the same beliefs/opinions about those relationships between those people. I’m just not.

I have said since the very beginning of this blog that any information I find that I consider to be extremely personal, such as relationship status, sexual orientation, details on mental health, family matters and so on I will not include them in the reading or answer any asks about it directly where things cannot remain vague or completely anonymous. The only time I share that information is if it is already public knowledge, which most of the time, it isn’t.

For the people who think that I am trying to label Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship as toxic, I definitely am not. They have one of the strongest relationships in the group and I’ve said that many times. Where the “toxic” statement came from was the Jikook relationship reading where halfway through it I give an “intermission” to explain that I made a comment while in the midst of the reading saying that their relationship seemed toxic because of how their ENERGY mixed between them. This is that bit from that reading:

“In terms of dynamic, in the energetic sense, Jungkook does seem more submissive because his energy itself seems very easily manipulated or molded. I don’t know if that’s how he is with everyone, or if it’s just with Jimin, I think it might be, but I can’t be too sure.

“[INTERMISSION] So, right at this point I had some sort of fucking energetic overload from Kook. What had happened was, I was just edging in a little bit deeper into Kook’s side of things because the energy did seem off and I was actually trying to see if there was energy manipulation happening here and I even made the comment in my head that their relationship seemed borderline toxic, and that’s when I got fucking slammed. Literally, everything fucking flipped. It was a huge massive FLIP and I got dizzy, I goosebumps in waves all over, I had that static feeling in my fingers, I couldn’t breathe, and then I got this sharp fucking pain in my ear for a split second (that actually happens a lot when I channel for long periods of time, along with migraines), and then my ears were just ringing for two or three minutes.

I had to have me a fucking moment after that shit. Had to do me some breathing exercises, had to look out the window for a bit because FUCK that.

But yeah, Mr. Jeon don’t like his personal energy being tapped past the line of projection. That was my bad, sincerest apologies. Like, genuinely, I did cross a line there and I totally deserved to have my fucking brain melted. Not a problem. Lesson learned. Tread lightly around Kook.

But just to clarify for anyone concerned, there is nothing abusive between Jimin and Jungkook. I’m sure none of you thought that, but just in case that was what it seemed like, no need to worry. They just have a very odd balance that doesn’t make a lot of sense. It might make sense to them on one of two levels, but it’s just a messy picture for an outsider such as myself.”

That post is here.

I referenced that bit in the answer to that ask and, like I said, without prior knowledge of this bit in that post it would seem like I was literally saying that they have a toxic relationship. That is not the case at all. They’re a huge support system for each other and it does go both ways, without a doubt. In that reading I talked about their “layered” connection — that’s also something to keep in mind.

One of the other things that was taken a bit out of context was when I said that Taehyung and Kook’s relationship is very different than Jimin and Kook’s relationship. It is, but I didn’t mean that in a way where I’m trying to say that one is #REAL and the other is #FAKE. I, again, was talking about their energetic and soul connections. The vibe of those relationships are very different, but they are equal. I talked about it in an ask somewhere about how those two ships are the most prominent because of how the three of them link up with each other energetically. They are equal but different. The dynamic is different.

I really need people to understand that when I talk about people I am usually reading, I am channeling. I am always talking in terms of conscious, subconscious, unconscious, energetic, spirit, and soul connection. I touch on everything, not just the what we get at face-value. That is the point of these readings, it is why I started this blog. I wanted to open people’s mind to consider a broader view of the people they look up to. I did not start this blog to “validate” or “invalidate” ships — that is not my business and that is not my job.

Apparently, as people love to point out to me, there are plenty of blogs out there that will gladly tell you all about the personal lives of the guys down to the shade of red that their asshole is, but I gotta say, people who so willingly give out personal information have no moral code and no ethics that could keep them shoving shit down your throat for some likes and follows. Just saying.

I connect with Guides and energy cores and guess what, Guides (especially BTS’s Guides) do not hand out personal information about the souls they guide because it is beneath them to do so. It doesn’t matter therefore it is not shared. I, personally, just don’t like to do shit that could hurt someone. I really do not go into these readings with the intention of exposing people or trying to paint people in a bad light. I just want people to expand their view past what is shown and past the image that they have painted of the person I am reading. Plus, I just enjoy doing celebrity readings in general.

If you are new, I do encourage you to read through the BTS readings I’ve done as well as read through this to see what we’ve done with the BTS Soul Map and Soul Body healing as well.

Again, I am sorry to anyone who did interpret what I said as me hating on Jimin or trying to favor a ship or put a ship down. That was really not my intention, but I do see how it got a bit lost in translation and that’s my fault. I will try to be a bit more careful with how I answer questions and I will try to provide more context (links to posts, excerpts, screen caps) when I answer things from now on.

For those of you that are doing a bit more than sending me asks and PMs with questions or concerns, I ask that you chill the fuck out. This blog has 200 followers and my posts get no more than 20 notes. I’m not a big deal, these readings aren’t a big deal, they are simply something I enjoy doing and I make them for people who enjoy reading them and connect to them. I use this blog to fulfill my purpose and to help people grow and expand on their own through personal readings and group energy/meditation work. I will continue to live and breathe, and I will continue to post readings because it is something that I enjoy doing. Perhaps you should also find something you enjoy doing so that you’re not online so much getting angry over things that don’t affect you in even the slightest way possible. I have plenty of meditation recommendations for you, plus energy cleansing how-to’s which I feel like you might need desperately. >.>

If you don’t like me, my blog, or my work you do not have to be here. You can block me and you can blacklist my blog and then my posts won’t show up for you at all. It’s as simple as that. Again, I don’t think most of the people that read these readings look at them as anything more than entertainment, honestly, so there’s no reason to get all bent out of shape over posts that get 10 - 20 likes from people who don’t really pay any mind to what’s being said. I’m aware that a lot of shippers look to some of these posts in hopes of finding validation for their personal perceptions and views but that’s not what you’re going to get here.

If you have any more questions or concerns about anything that I didn’t touch on please PM me. I would prefer that to sending an ask that way we can have a back and forth conversation in real time and I don’t have to unload a bunch of things into my blog and then we can handle one topic at a time and understand each other better as well.

#jikook #taekook #park jimin #jimin #jeon jungkook #jungkook #kim taehyung #taehyung

31 notes · View notes

modernart2012 · 6 years

Text

No Strings Attached

Title: No Strings Attached

Author: ModernArt2012

Relationship(s): Kankuro/ Tenten

Rating: Teen

Wordcount: 11112

Warnings/Notes: Canon Compliant

Rank: B rank

Rarity: A+ rank

Summary: The first time they “meet”, Kankuro is doing his best to not die and can’t really be bothered to remember some random person not of Suna and not a direct threat to his life. He’s seen one too many bodies from his psychotic little brother, and he’s not keen on becoming one of them.

@thiscatastrophe

@narutogiftexchange

@uzushi0

The first time they “meet”, Kankuro is doing his best to not die and can’t really be bothered to remember some random person not of Suna and not a direct threat to his life. He’s seen one too many bodies from his psychotic little brother, and he’s not keen on becoming one of them. A weak Konoha kunoichi is insignificant in comparison; her fight in the preliminaries against Temari mostly reinforces the idea. Kankuro can faintly recall surprise at a Konoha shinobi knowing chakra strings are a thing as a genin, but her use is subpar at best and even the most novice of the Puppeteer Brigade members would cringe. But otherwise no one but Naruto, Shino, Lee, Orochimaru, and the Uchiha really stick out from that event. Not even his future brother-in-law, which says something. Probably about Kankuro, though he prefers to think that it meant everything was overshadowed by the fact his little bro went from psychotic killer to zen master to Kazekage pretty much overnight and there was governing to do and Kankuro is too young to need this much coffee in the morning but needs must.

Which means he’s completely blindsided when Team Gai blows into Sunagakure at the end of a merchant guarding mission nearly a year later. Almost literally; the jounin sensei and Lee nearly run him over. The stars he sees from how hard he went into the stucco means the first memorable thing he probably says in front of her is, “Are you an angel?”

The angel - actually named Neji, not that Kankuro knows that yet- frowns. Admittedly, the teen is pretty enough to be an angel, Kankuro decides as his vision clears, but no, mortal. A Hyuuga by the eyes. “Gai-sensei, I think he’s concussed.” The pronouncement does nothing to cover the fact that twin buns’ giggling and Lee and the sensei - Gai-sensei - are sparkling. Still, up Kankuro goes over the unknown Hyuuga’s shoulder, and Twin Buns’ while their sensei and other teammate lead the way to the hospital. At breakneck speed nearly causing more accidents in the resultant wind stream.

Kankuro stares at the freshly ruined pottery stand and says, “Aw, Konoha, why.” The twin sighs on either side of him tell him it might be worse than he sees. Still, he stretches out chakra strings to pull the stand back to something resembling “together”. He’ll dispatch a jounin-genin team when he has the resources to do so - most are out running missions currently. Hopefully a team comes back in time to take care of it before Gaara attempted to fix it. Last time ended with tetanus shots.

The Hyuuga and Twin Buns sigh almost in sync and chorus, “We’re sorry for them.” It sounds entirely too well rehearsed, Kankuro pities them for half a minute until another telltale crash echoes through the market. The pair exchange looks, then wilt, “We’ll fix that.”

Kankuro decides it a bigger headache to wonder about that then it’s worth, and instead takes the offer at face value. “Thanks.” Konoha is crazy, he decides once more. If the crazy Konoha shinobi weren’t saving others from psychosis, they were causing it.

Twin Buns nods amicably, “I’m Tenten. Angel boy is Neji.” And Kankuro really is never going to live calling the Hyuuga an angel down. “Those two are Gai-sensei and Rock Lee. This is actually sedate for them.”

“I remember Lee; Gaara nearly killed him.” The cool air of the shade awnings are a relief - there’s a reason most shinobi shunshin through Suna and leave everyone else to the unrelenting sun.

A hum of consideration, then Twin Buns, with a noise of comprehension, “You're Temari’s brother!”

Most people would remember him as the Kazekage’s brother, not Temari’s brother - not the least because she has two brothers, and also Gaara was a bona fide psychopath who murdered people for kicks and giggles for a while before he became Kazekage which is much more memorable overall than Temari- and the statement takes Kankuro aback.

The Hyuuga harrumphs, “Forgive Tenten, she's determined to beat your sister after her defeat in the last Chunin Exam.” Which explains why Twin Buns looks familiar, Kankuro last saw her looking wrecked draped over Temari’s war fan. The kunoichi with awful chakra strings.

Makes sense that she wants to have a rematch, after that loss anyone would declare rivalry; Kankuro would too if it wouldn't be against that crazy Bug Guy. But what comes out of his mouth is, “Not with those shoddy chakra strings you're not.”

Twin Buns looks affronted but sounds annoyed, “I've gotten better with using them!” The Hyuuga says nothing, which would be suspect but Kankuro has met Hyuuga before - they’re taciturn bastards at best.

There’s a medic hurrying over to meet them - an unfortunate perk of being the son of the previous Kazekage and the brother of the current Kazekage, one that has Kankuro cringing at the preferential, deferential treatment - and Kankuro meets Twin Bun’s steely gaze. “I’m sure you are.”

It sounds just as sarcastic as Kankuro meant it to be. Just out loud, not in his head where it was supposed to stay. Thankfully Twin Buns grins like a sand viper, deadly challenge and beauty in one. “Why don’t we get you fixed up and then test it out shall we?”

Cyanide sweet, like marzipan - the kunoichi ideal. Thank the Sage Granny Chiyo inoculated him and his siblings against such a basic poison early on in life. It’s probably the endorphins from no longer having a pounding headache that’s got him acting irrationally, but, “You’re on.”

Needless to say, he remembers her then.

Dear Tenten -

The Kazekage has stared at me for 15 minutes straight without blinking which means he strongly suggests I apologize for giving you a brain bleed and breaking your arm in four places. I know I apologized in person, and again at the hospital, and again before you left, but I’ll apologize again since it is very important Suna continues to foster good relations with Konoha after our recent alliance re-negotiation.

That said, I will take this opportunity to include the book on intermediate chakra string theory since you’ve apparently only been able to find the beginner text as a symbolic offering of sincerity in apology. Hopefully it’ll help.

Sincerely,

Kankuro of Suna.

Dear Kankuro -

Gai-sensei and Lee have been sparkling at me and Neji (who is meditating) while exclaiming over the power of friendship and youth and strengthening bonds between allies and don’t look to be stopping any time soon. I thought I’d take this opportunity to let you know any further apologies are unnecessary, but if your Kazekage insists, then I would like a rematch next time we meet (if possible).

The text is very helpful, thank you. Even with the implied subtext of “your chakra strings are awful and an insult to the art.”

Sincerely,

Tenten

The next time Team Gai comes through Suna, 6 months later, Kankuro is kicked off the couch where he was napping on his day off by Temari and asked (informed) that Team Gai is coming through and he will be accompanied to not start a International Incident This Time when he goes to guide them around. Kankuro would like to indicate there was no International Incident and sparring between friendly Hidden Villages is good and healthy and a great way to measure growth. Frankly, no one had planned for the missing nin ambush, and that it happened at all was a freak accident. Also! If anyone was really keeping track, it was all Konoha’s fault, the missing nin were only in Suna after the Byakugan. Kankuro had told the Village Elders, and Gaara, and Baki-sensei, but it was one thing to know there was a bounty on an allies eyes and another to point it out. Or to point out one’s allies were crazier than a tanuki in a box.

Either way it was a good B rank to clear out the missing nin and the mission pay Konoha shelled out was appreciated.

Still, Kankuro is a newly minted Jounin who’s under threat of getting a genin team (the horror!) and he knows when he needs to fall in line, especially when faced with a no win situation. He’s not going to have to babysit Gaara’s tiny terrors - read, Gaara’s genin team, Gaara’s preferred form of expressing extreme disapproval - again just because he ducked Temari and orders (again). Last time the lesson was traps with Kankuro as the object to capture, and Kankuro was still finding glue in places glue shouldn’t be able to get for weeks after the lesson. He’s still torn between pride at Suna genin ruthlessness and hatred.

So Kankuro gets up, thoroughly douses himself in sunscreen and then carefully draws on his face paint. On goes the holster for his carrying scrolls. He spares a moment for a longing glance at where Sanshōuo rests in pieces across his workbench, but goes out the door without him.

Okay, Kankuro lied, he pocketed one of the locked up leg mechanisms to fiddle with while he and Temari wait at the gate. He’s nearly got it un-gunked enough to move freely when a rush of sand and wind undo all his work in an instant. With a deep breath he waits for Temari to clean them off with a wind jutsu, then announces, “Konoha.” Because it would only be Konoha. No one else cultivates that level of crazy, the kind of crazy that means you run full sprint across a desert. Still, he’s sure Gai-sensei and Lee are halfway across the market causing chaos trying to stop their full tilt mad dash, so he waits for the sane(r) duo of Team Gai.

They run in at a more normal pace, and while Kankuro knows objectively Team Gai are all chunin as of the last Exam in Iwa, conspicuously, none but the Team sensei and Lee are wearing the flak jacket. Probably a visual trick, to make people think they’re lower level than they are so they’re the ones who get attacked first, and gives Gai and Lee time to act.

Which means the scrolls they’re delivering are on Gai and Lee. Of course. Because Konoha. He glances at his sister, who takes his meaning in an instant before smiling. Okay, good, he’s not the only one who’s wondering where the alleged “genius” of Konoha went. Still, he waves hello at the visiting duo’s polite greeting. He sees the flick of grey eyes over his hands and the complicated tangle of gears, but merely curious not probing, as Temari makes the requisite polite inquiries that Tenten returns.

Temari leads the way through Suna, pointing out the “nice” tea shop with the good dango, and the “authentic” restaurant and gift shop - the places that everyone prefers foreigners to stick to, for easier surveillance. Only, Kankuro is bringing up the rear and sees the full head swivel of two dark heads to the weapons shop. He tries to recall if that shop sells anything beyond basic shinobi materials and tools, but the most concerning thing that comes to mind are the model war fans. The beginner’s training puppets are just hand sized mannequins with simple marionette joints, there’s no rare or iconic Suna poison sold, the materials are technically substandard for any shinobi worth their hitai-ate and overpriced to boot.

Kankuro will still have to follow them; knowing Konoha they’ll find something supremely dangerous by accident and Gaara will make a disappointed face at him again. Temari guides in Tenten and Neji to Gaara’s office, where it sounds like Gai and Lee are fired up and exclaiming about things that would be better left as sentences. Kankuro looks in and sees the latest bout of intensity - is Lee trying to ratchet Gaara’s arm off? - before breathing deeply. Why Konoha. He tries to ignore the muffled giggles behind him.

Through some Sage forsaken series of events Kankuro doesn’t really understand, he ends up press ganged into helping Team Gai. Furthermore, he ends up pinned down with only Tenten as backup in a firefight (literally!) with Kusa nin trying to steal priceless Suna artefacts from the First Kazekage’s reign. “This is all Konoha’s fault. Someway, somehow,” he informs Tenten as he jerks Karasu out of the way of a vermillion gout of flame. The edges of the wood are smoked; he cusses furiously.

Tenten returns the grumble, “Where did Kusa nin even learn fire jutsu from?” A swing of one of her scrolls has a flurry of kunai flying out in a hail of deadly fire. A Kusa nin goes down, skewered like fish over a charcoal grill. “That’s one for me! I’m in the lead!”

Kankuro unseals Kuroari - at least this way he’ll be able to use Poison Mist Hell: Hundred Continuous Firing if it comes down to it. Damn these Kusa nin! He’s not 100% ready to dual wield puppets with any finesse but that technique might be useful now. If it works, it’s one step closer to being like the great Sasori of the Red Sand, who could handle five puppets (maybe more!) with great skill in battle. “What are you talking about?”

Tenten pulls out a bo staff and knocks out two Kusa nin trying to sneak up behind the rock they’re hiding behind. “The rematch! This is perfect!”

“Rematch? Now?!” And here Kankuro thought Tenten was sane; either the latent Konoha crazy was only just now manifesting or Gai and Lee’s insanity was contagious. Or maybe she’d always been that crazy and it never showed? Just to be safe, Kankuro is going to need to quarantine Gaara away from Konoha. Forever.

A shrug in between parrying shuriken. “We’ve got nothing better to do.” The Kusa nin nearest take offense and redouble their efforts to try and overwhelm them, and honestly. Kankuro has seen better from Konoha pre-genin. Idly, he notes that Tenten is better at bukijutsu than chakra strings; might be something to that.

A few more Kusa nin go down; from the eleven or so that had started, they’re down to five conscious or able to keep fighting even as Kankuro and Tenten draw even as to number dispatched. A brilliant grin that is all confidence gets thrown over Tenten’s shoulder. “I’ve got a plan!” Because a plan makes everything better.

“Do I have a choice?” Still Kankuro listens, and he has to admit it’s a good plan. Just on the sane(r) side of Konoha crazy, so it just might work. “Are you sure this will work?” Let it not be said Kankuro isn’t a healthy skeptic.

Kankuro is never going to get an answer since there’s a series of explosions from the cave their teammates went into and what sounds like screaming. He doesn’t take his eyes off the enemy, but he’s pretty sure he sees two flashes of green out of the corner of his eye. The black blur must be Temari, and the white Neji. Tenten smirks in something that’s a mix between superiority and delight, “Time to go,” and hauls Kankuro off his feet in a blur of movement.

He finds his feet a few moments later, and uses Kuroari and Karasu to cover their flight; a few dozen shuriken and kunai join suit from Tenten but the Kusa nin quickly fall back and out of sight. He falls into step with Temari as the Kusa nin disappear over the horizon, and murmurs under his breath, “Konoha.” Temari’s side glance tells him she agrees.

Apparently Lee has convinced Gaara that successful missions mean barbecue parties. Suna doesn’t even do barbecues, since heat and heat and oppressive heat. It’s a desert; no one wants to stand around an open flame and do anything, unless night has fallen. But it’s not worth the effort to fight the idea, and Tenten and Neji seem resigned to their fates which means they’ve tried and failed enough times to know better. Kankuro takes his cues from them and just rolls his sleeves up to set up the grill.

Temari has wandered away - probably to double check there was no foolishness in their absence from the Elders holed up in the government building - and Kankuro is trying to decide where he wants the hot spots while Lee exclaims at Gaara about ... something that Kankuro needs to put a stop to just in case. Chakra strings reach out and arrange a stack of charcoal into place, and Kankuro has to double check that it wasn’t him unconsciously. Puppeteer Brigade training is brutal, and few have ever truly mastered it to the level the highest ranks within the Brigade required, but plenty of Puppeteers reported unconscious chakra string use.

But no, it’s not him. It’s Tenten, and the charcoal bricks dance in time to the waggle of her fingers. “So, what’s the verdict?” Plainly curious, as if this is some test she needs to pass.

Kankuro looks back over the strings - they’re fine and even unlike the lumpy mess they had been at the Chunin Exam in Konoha, and the movement of the bricks is immediate in reaction to her movements. Still rudimentary when master Puppeteers can control puppets with mere fluctuations in chakra, but.... He grins, and he knows it stretches his face paint into something sinister. “Good job, you officially met novice requirements.”

Instead of breaking down into tears like any other kunoichi though, the set of her mouth is determined. “Good, that’s progress in the right direction isn’t it. Now come on, we never finished that rematch.”

Which is how they end up having a tournament that ends with Gaara versus Neji in a draw. Somehow, Kankuro ends up drawing a first stage battle against his sister and losing, so he doesn’t face Tenten (thought conspicuously Tenten does not face Temari, which must irk Tenten). The next day, as the Konoha ninja leave, Kankuro finds himself waving them off with the promise of a rematch some other time to Tenten.

Dear Tenten -

Thank you for the saury; it was still fresh when we unsealed it. The seal design is novel - where did you get the idea for combining status freezing with space maximization?

I hope your birthday was a good one, and the gift useful. Hopefully it’s something you don’t already have in your collection.

Sincerely,

Kankuro of Suna.

Dear Kankuro,

I’m glad to hear that the saury was still good. Gaara mentioned that Temari requested some, but we didn’t want anyone to get sick from the fish going bad during travel. With the seal, maybe we can get fresh seafood out to Suna much more quickly! I’m working with a merchant to see if we can soft launch some trial shipments.

The war fan is beautiful. The damascus patterning on the ribs that subtly hide the bevels for the cutting edges are very clever, and if you didn’t notice them you’d think it was just a metal fan. Thank you very much; I’ll be sure to put it to good use!

Sincerely,

Tenten

P.S. - Lee and Neji say hello!

Kankuro is ashamed to say things get hectic in the worst way, go steadily down the slope of bad to worse to him chasing after black cloaked figures decorated with red clouds and a limp figure of his brother and fighting the long-believed dead creator of his puppets. The battle goes badly - not unexpected against Sasori of the Red Sand, but Kankuro thinks he held his own even as poison courses through his veins and slows his heart.

He loses track of everything - but he hears, Team Gai came to Gaara’s rescue, that Naruto and Sakura came, and that together they saved himself and Gaara but not before Shukaku was extracted from his prison inside Gaara. They all look haggard, destroyed and ragged even as they pay their respects to Granny Chiyo at her funeral pyre. Kankuro himself is still weak - where the hell Sasori got such a poison from is under investigation, the ingredients are rare, too costly for a missing nin to afford, and even Granny Chiyo had never seen it before which meant to figure out a way to synthesize the poison would be a high priority in the Poisoners Guild - but he takes the time to thank the Konoha teams before they go.

There’s no talk of a rematch this time, altogether too tired to try and maintain such a peaceful pursuit when it is very likely war is on the horizon. They have preparations to make, and Kankuro prays to the Sage they'll have time after it's all over.

He doesn’t see her again until after; when they are dressed in black and attending Neji’s funeral, battered and bruised and broken in a thousand different ways under the steady gloom. Neji died a hero, fitting the man Kankuro had known. He himself is injured, his arm sling not unusual in the crowd - residual nerve damage from senbon to his arm that even the Hokage or any of her apprentices can do much to heal, though he’s been told physical therapy will fix the rest of the damage - and so is Tenten but in very different ways. She’s exhausted, both in chakra and emotionally. Kankuro tries not to think about the fact she had been offering moral support to Lee and Gai without her other sane teammate to round out their odd interplay. He hesitates, but gamely goes over to offer his condolences to Tenten, to do his socially awkward best to distract. Gaara and Temari are busy doing political things, and Lee needs to take Gai sensei for physical therapy, so they go alone for tea at the only open tea shop.

It’s already packed with people dressed in black - a good day for business, as it were; Kankuro thanks the Sage that in Suna they cremate and mass cremation was preferred to save wood. The black tea is good, and Tenten nurses hers as they sit in silence. Her own limbs are jumpy, muscles twitching at random. Probably from the Treasured Tools of the Sage; Kankuro is in awe that Tenten managed to wield any of those items and not die, and that she has four of the five items in her possession at all a minor heart attack lying in wait. He wonder if she knows how powerful that makes her, though it’s more than likely she would trade that power for her teammate back.

She’s the one to speak first, “Sorry, I’m sure you didn’t come to sit with someone who’s morose.” It’s self depreciating, a slight weakness to the words that wobbles but firms as she continues to speak. “It’s just -.”

It’s awkward, and he needs to stop the words threatening to bubble out. “It’s fine. I - Neji is - was a good friend. I didn’t know him for half as well as you did, I’m sure his passing is painful.”

A shallow smile, grey like her eyes. It’s wrong it’s own right. “I’m sure you have your own dead to mourn.” A deflection, polite demurral. Her fingers rattle against her tea cup, the liquid trembling but Kankuro is sure that she doesn’t notice or she would quickly stop it from showing.

He instead shrugs, “Suna - we don’t mourn like in Konoha. We tell stories, remember the good and the bad. After, when we all went back, we cremated the dead and had a night long vigil around the pyre telling stories about everyone.” He takes a sip of tea; it’s lukewarm now, but perhaps that’s necessary. “It’s like what Granny Chiyo used to say - only idiots and fools lose water and salt by crying in a desert.” Probably a version of the shinobi rules, about not crying, but it made sense. Laughter was free, dehydration had a cost.

Tenten nods slowly, but Kankuro can tell she doesn’t get it. He didn’t expect she would, Konoha is lousy with water. A little dehydration isn’t as big an issue. Instead he nods to her twitchy arms. “Leftover from the Treasured Tools?”

Tenten starts, before grimacing. “I blew my chakra pathways. Too much chakra was sucked up in high volume to use them - chakra or the Tools - for the foreseeable future.” Fingers dig in harshly to muscle as if to try and massage back functionality, press the shake from her forcibly.

He waggles his arm in it’s sling at Tenten, “At least it’s not possible permanent nerve damage that even the Legendary Tsunade of the Sannin can’t fix immediately.”

Grey eyes assess carefully, quick and seeing altogether too much. “Physical therapy?”

Kankuro grimaces, “Physical therapy.” Tenten nods in commiseration - an ugly truth about a line of work where your body was your ultimate tool of your trade, but physical therapy sucked something awful due to the boredom. And when your usual methods of dealing with boredom were forbidden.... “I got told to practice calligraphy for the fine motor skills. I’m pretty sure Temari is going to make me write out the precepts of the Sage.”

Tenten stifles a giggle, as if the thought of Kankuro being forced to write out several dozen meters of text under the pretense of therapy is funny, then looks surprised at the sound as if she hadn’t been aware she could even.

It’s a familiar look - Kankuro has seen it countless times on those who survived dangerous missions under his father’s reign, as if they didn’t know how they could be any form of happy when their friends were killed. He knows he’s watching too carefully now, trying to see the fractures that he knows exists, has seen split open and swallow more experienced shinobi whole, and he knows that she knows what he sees. She’s not an idiot, she’s probably been taught enough in the Academy, in experience.

Something similar to resolve sets across her face. Her tea is slammed back like it’s suddenly seven times stronger and more fortified than it ought to be. “Okay, let’s do this.”

He doesn’t even have time to ask what ‘this’ is before he’s being pushed out the tea shop. He prays to the Sage it’s not something ridiculous - though Konoha so it’s more likely than not.

‘This’ turns out to be a dozen or so bottles of sake (where Tenten even got them is up for debate), a blanket and a secluded spot on top of Hokage mountain. Kankuro isn’t even sure he’s allowed to be up here, but Tenten on a mission is not to be gainsaid by such things as logic. Probably her Konoha coming out properly, Kankuro laments, but at least it's useful.

Which is how Kankuro finds himself nursing a very potent bottle of alcohol and watching the stars come out as Tenten talks. Starting with Neji stories - some not flattering, at his pubescent misogyny that Tenten had to beat out of him early in their genin days; some sobering, like his complex about the Main Branch of the Hyuuga Clan and Hinata; some outright hilarious, like the time in Hot Springs where Neji ended up crossdressing to infiltrate a brothel since he lost rock paper scissors- but all fond washed with pain. Kankuro has never laughed so hard at the moments of hilarity, serving up his own counterpoint details of Team Gai’s Suna adventures, remembering the best and worst of their comrade - the time Kankuro had convinced Neji that scorpion was a Suna delicacy and Neji had gingerly eaten a whole scorpion before one of Gaara’s terrors broke; the sheer haughtiness he had served the Suna Elders when they had inadvertently crossed his temper. Somehow once they’ve exhausted Neji stories - his pride and his humor, to his odd seriousness that inevitably fell prey to Gai and Lee and their... shenanigans but was compatible with Tenten’s cool social awareness and rationality, his care that remained deeply buried until his respect was won - the conversation naturally turns to more personal topics, like the inherent difficulties with being on a team with people who are all focused on the same style -there’s a reason Kankuro is awful with hand to hand and Tenten forced herself to learn distance to learn distance techniques, and they bemoan the sheer idiocy of people who assigned teams. “Who thought putting three people who specialize in close quarters combat without any avenue of back-up was a good idea! Zero balance!”

“Like three people who all do ranged combat are any better balanced? It’s asking for that whole team to get ambushed and killed.” Kankuro flops a hand in Tenten’s direction indignant at the lack of planning, “Half the reason I will never spar you in hand to hand is that I don’t have a death wish.” It’s more of a confession than he intended, but she laughs and laughs and laughs until tears sparkle in the corners of her brilliant steel eyes.

The topics meander as they get drunker; more and more honest and revealing. From weird hobbies - Kankuro admits to liking to paint, Tenten to working in her parent’s forge - to favorite foods, to the more personal. Like heroes, “When I was young, in the Academy, I wanted to be like Tsunade-sama.” She gesticulates wildly with the bottle, curled up around her knees like they’re the only thing keeping her upright. “The best medic - didn’t have the chakra control for it, but the idea was there. To be the best kunoichi at something, to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient as a kunoichi and not ...,” her vocabulary flags under the weight of alcohol, then recovers, “Dependent! Not some damsel in distress fawning over shinobi with hearts in her eyes, you know?”

Kankuro knows, because Temari is of the same opinion. As was Rasa, but that had been more general and applicable to every shinobi of Suna; Konoha was weird in their promotion of friendship and bonds but it had saved the world just now, so maybe there was something to it? He just nods at Tenten, “I wanted to be better than Sasori of the Red Sand. Best Puppeteer to ever come out of Suna, legendary.” The unsaid ‘and I beat him after he acknowledged my skills, then repurposed his sorry excuse of a body into my own puppet for my own ultimate technique’ was probably abundantly apparent, so Kankuro finishes lamely. “And you are the best with bukijutsu - you wielding the Heavenly Tools with real skill? No one else comes to mind being able to do that. And you worked hard to achieve that.”

Tenten laughs, and it is full bodied and warm, like the residual warmth of the sands outside after the sun has gone down but before it truly gets cold with nightfall. He’s deep in his bottle, Kankuro knows, because she is bright like fine steel and rings with it. “To working ourselves to the point where we’re the best!”

“To hardwork,” Kankuro agrees, and they clink their bottles together for the umpteenth time that night. The stars are especially bright in the forests of Konoha, he thinks, all strange and unknown and like pieces of desert glass with lightning trapped inside. Foreign, but comfortable and familiar in their own right. Tenten’s heat is close enough to reach out and touch, but Kankuro holds himself back, holds himself away. It still feels like he can feel her, though, and the phantom sensation of touch haunts his dreams.

Dear Tenten -

I hope your hangover isn’t half as bad as mine. Why either of us thought it was a good idea to drink half a dozen bottles of sake apiece is beyond me, but it might be the headache. Temari refuses to let any medic heal me, so I get to head back to Suna with a headache.

Gaara is currently flying everyone via sand, which is twice as fast as walking to everyone’s pleasure. I’m proud of how far he has come, not only as my Kage, but as my brother. That he was strong was never in doubt, but how much his strength has grown is amazing in its own right, and that he supports everyone in Suna to become strong in turn is something no one would have ever imagined back then.

Maybe that’s the nature of strength - it cannot be gained without support, but also requires weakness somewhere so that you can grow.

Maybe that’s why Konoha shinobi get so crazy strong. They have support to be weak and struggle instead of collapsing under the weight of their deficiencies.

We’re finally stopping for lunch; maybe Temari will let me have some coffee now.

Sincerely,

Kankuro of Suna

Dear Kankuro -

Please tell Temari to never withhold coffee from you again; you get more philosophical than you are drunk. Except that time, you gave a speech about why children are monsters and should be quarantined from the populace until they were moderately human and at least age ten. You might be right about strength.

I’ve enclosed a new experiment - coffee pills, like soldier pills but coffee. Maybe it will help with the rebuilding. Let me know - I’m trying to get out of kitchen duty.

Sincerely,

Tenten

Dear Tenten -

Gaara and Temari have agreed that the pills are edible and useful, but prone to keeping people awake for days on end after consuming one. They’d like to get an order immediately; how quickly can you put together a legion’s worth of pills? I’ve sealed several pounds of fresh Suna coffee beans in the seal attached, please let me know if you need more.

Suna is reconstructing well; we’re nearly done with the infrastructure, and many residential buildings are taking shape - stucco is easy to make and apply once the base structure is in place, though that is the slow step - but the aqueducts are proving difficult. The Puppeteer Brigade best are going out to see what can be done; getting running water is integral to getting our people out of the disaster shelters and into their homes again. At least the sewage system is largely intact. How goes rebuilding Konoha?

Sincerely,

Kankuro

P.S. - Gaara wants me to put in a request to the Hokage that he has spare metal and is willing to trade for wood.

Dear Kankuro -

I’ve sealed in the requested coffee pills on the page attached, with clear health advisory instructions per Tsunade-sama and Sakura’s request. Follow the directions closely, we’ve had people overdose. I’m glad to hear they were effective!

Konoha is rebuilding quickly - our mokuton user is rebuilding as fast he can, and with the manual construction going quickly so we should be done with most of the central areas of Konoha by the time this letter arrives. That just leaves homes and other such buildings, then putting in the electricity and water and sewer connections, but even civilians can help with that.

I’ve heard a lot about the aqueducts of Suna - a real technological marvel supposedly built by the first Kazekage when he founded Suna, carrying water naturally just by physics. I hadn’t know they were still functional.

I hope all this letter writing has helped with physical therapy - it’s definitely helped me with mine. I wrote this entire letter with chakra strings while working in the forge - sorry for any misspellings. We’re going through a lot of nails.

Tsunade-sama is sending wood and hopes the Kazekage will let her know if Suna needs more; we’ve got plenty to spare even with our buildings being built.

Sincerely,

Tenten

P.S. - Tell Temari I have included some fresh saury in the other seal attached; we got a shipment and I know her birthday is coming. Please tell her happy birthday for me!

P.P.S. - Matsuri asked after some Uzu-style kanzashi. The only things I could find were some new designs that Orochimaru and Sound created, but the basis seems to be Uzu-style. I included the notes Kabuto created, but it seems to be designed to anchor genjutsu or henge. Maybe she’ll be able to figure it out.

Kankuro doesn't notice the months flying by; not consciously anyways. There’s enough to arrange and get done in those early days, then keeping everything running, in managing and arranging and meeting after meeting when being the Master of the Puppeteer Brigade falls on him by way of he's the highest ranking Puppeteer left after and that means doing double duty while trying to keep Gaara in some modicum of health.

By which, Kankuro means he finds himself rolling up his sleeves to do rebuilding work, talking to other veterans and civilians about what needs to be done and mediating minor arguments, pulling all nighters with his siblings more often than not, trying to get on top of the piles of paperwork that multiply every time Kankuro looks away from the stacks. Or he’s busy traveling with Gaara to the Daimyo’s Court for meetings where a lot of filthy rich courtiers do a lot of talking but not much is said, or even accomplished.

Tenten keeps writing, and Kankuro keeps writing back. A bastion of sanity when everything was insane and jubilant, now broken in and comfortable. It’s an internal lightness when he gets a neatly folded letter in the mail, however much he tucks it away. Her wit peeks through in puns and sly observations, as does her sheer nerdery over weapons as she collects and masters them, and the postmarks on her letters travel to lands far and wide to bely how far she goes in her pursuits. He can hear her clearly in her words, a comfort and a blessing, and it’s so simple to paint a clear picture of her and everything around her. He finds himself asking after people he’s only really met a few times, laughing at the capers they get into, and telling Tenten about Suna’s own when she asks, when other Suna shinobi ask after her. They meet up but rarely in person - Suna often a short stop on Tenten’s travels but always one that feels too short no matter how much time they spend together, sparring and shopping and sharing news. She shares photographs, when she can, of landscapes and food and sights that he carefully keeps out of what is probably sentimentality. He's old for a shinobi, after all, and won’t have a chance to go so far away unless there’s a particularly high ranking mission.

It's the longest, easiest continual correspondence Kankuro has ever kept up, even though it earns him teasing from Temari and Gaara. Mostly Temari, who both supports the fact Kankuro is “finally making friends outside of his puppets” (Gaara looks so proud, Kankuro hasn’t the heart to correct them that they’re friendly rivals) and also teases him about “having a crazy Konoha girlfriend” (he swears he doesn’t blush at that), but Kankuro has ammunition in the form of Shikamaru (actual crazy Konoha boyfriend) and the observations Tenten passes along so he breaks even most days. Sometimes he worries this is a long con on Konoha’s part, a ploy to get someone close to Gaara to reveal Suna secrets, but that kind of paranoia died with his father. Maybe. Kankuro hopes anyways - Tenten isn’t truly suited to infiltration work. Besides, his siblings and other Suna ninja seem to like her where they treat most everyone else with a healthy level of caution, and that will have to be good enough.

Time still passes, from one emergency to another, one and then it's almost a year to the day that Suna was rebuilt and Gaara prepares for the Kage Summit in Kumo. Kankuro has spent most of this as the public face of the Kazekage, mingling with the other shinobi and carrying their opinions to Gaara in between meetings, with small breaks for his own missions and personal recreation, and he’s looking forward to the Summit. Tenten had mentioned she’d be joining back up the Konoha contingent in Kumo to travel back after a mission, so maybe they can get lunch and discuss the latest chapter of the mange they both read. The last arc had some interesting indications towards the next arc, and Tenten said she had a theory about how the protagonist was going to power up.

He packs carefully, making sure his clothing is neat and not too worn, nothing with visible patches or holes or even slightly discolored from too many washes. He even makes sure his weapons are sharp and free of rust even though he does so weekly without fail and there’s been no time for rust to form. Tenten usually keeps herself out of any photos she takes, and he has to wonder if she’s going to be recognizable, or if she will have changed from when he last saw her. If she’ll be up for a spar - Kankuro has ideas about how to get past elemental jutsu like wind release that Tenten might like to discuss. He formulates arguments and explanations as the travel across the countries - this train idea is really quite something. If only they could figure out a way to get it to resist sand getting into the gears it would be amazing for trade and tourism to Kaze no Kuni as a whole.

Tenten doesn’t expect to be in Kumo until the last day of the Summit, so he spends his time there taking careful note of who says what and how all the Great Elemental Nations are faring. It’s more relaxing - for a given value of - than the last Kage Summit, where he’d had to stay on high alert of attack from the other parties and outside threats; the other people in attendance are just as dedicated to keeping every person alive as he is. He manages to catch up with a few shinobi of other nations that he’d fought with, a shinobi from Kiri who now has an eye patch but has better aim for it, a duo of ninja who invite him out for drinks and then drink him under the table, a kunoichi from Iwa shows him a picture of her son and he politely congratulates her on the birth even as he internally recoils. If Tenten had been there she would have been struggling to hide her humor at the situation he’d found himself in even as she exclaimed over the infant.

He’s one day out from her estimated arrival when the missing nin break in and cause chaos. From some ironic luck, they burst through the street at the same time that Gaara is near. The fight is quick and ruthless - Sand Coffins tend to be impossible for the average shinobi to break out of. Kankuro barely has to do anything, beyond intercepting a few stray kunai and shuriken. He despairs of the quality of the missing nin - no one’s tried a basic kunai on the Kazekage in a very long time since they patently don’t work - and their aim was awful. Were they aiming at stones? Might be the reason they’re missing nin - no one would get past genin with that level, and that level of poverty tended to be crippling.

Only Kankuro miscalculated and one of the missing nin was using paper bombs on his kunai. Gaara’s too near to throw up a defense in time, so Kankuro moves and hears the exhale of air as he collides then the sound of a massive explosion - homemade paper bombs then, and ones without the requisite limiter of course, Sage damn the imbeciles.

He wakes up under the tender care of Sakura, who looks unimpressed by Kankuro getting exploded. Considering that Kankuro has heard Tenten debating what makes the best explosion for paper bombs, and then subsequently discussing how often she had blown herself up during training, it might just be a Konoha thing to get blown up and then walk away. She does a perfunct check, then frowns. “There’s nothing wrong with you beyond the minor bruising left, but no sparring for at least three days while your ears finish recovering.You’re lucky your uniform kept the worst of the heat off you, you would’ve had a nasty burn scar otherwise.”

Which is saying something, since Sakura is the protege pupil of the Tsunade of the Sannin. He nods perfunctly, even though it leaves him dizzy, and voices his thanks. He’ll have to remember to send her some of the new poison and antidotes as thank you as well - no Puppeteer left debts, and especially not Brigade Master. It would be a moot gift, but the gesture would be appreciated.

Sakura huffs at him instead. “Temari and Gaara are waiting outside, but Tenten arrived early and said she’d be meeting you later this afternoon. No shenanigans!” It takes a moment to understand what she means by shenanigans, but when it registered Kankuro flushes like a bad sunburn.

He doesn’t get around to denying shenanigans - the door rattles open and Sakura sails out as Temari and Gaara stride in. They have his discharge papers, and his face paints. His hands are shaky as he paints on the lines, but Gaara helpfully sands the borders of the lines so the excess pulls away when the sand gets removed. A quick wind jutsu and the paint is dry instead of the good ten minutes it would normally take. He’s unsteady on his feet, but the puppet pieces Gaara and Temari help him fit into place around his knees and ankles as supports mean he can walk without showing exactly how bad off he is. Only the most astute of sensors would even catch he is using chakra, and even then would think it just a minor henge to hide a bandage not chakra strings keeping him upright and moving.

Which is why it’s a surprise he gets stared down by Tenten in a neat little tea shop in the merchant district with suspiciously good wagashi. She looks the same but different, more firm and sure than the last time he saw her, but fundamentally still Tenten. Her eyes keep flicking to the table top, like she can see the gears and the chakra strings keeping them in place and him motile, then making uncomfortably frank eye contact. Frustratingly, she doesn’t say anything, only keeps on discussing the finer points of her theory - which sounds completely improbable, it would turn the entire premise upside down - in between nibbles of spring wagashi and sips of green tea. In between breaking his brain with casual but gentle contact - the table is small and their legs are laced underneath and their arms knock and touch even when they don’t mean to - but Tenten doesn’t move to disentangle or break away, and it feels like the hugs he gets in greeting in Suna - normal.

They finally leave the tea shop when it closes and move two doors down to the izakaya for beers and barbecue, unwinding further into comfort - sans hood, sans bun, warm with alcohol and good company and now together on the same side of the table in the booth, stacked against one another like cards into a castle. By now they’ve exhausted the manga, the latest news out of Suna and Konoha, the latest news in their personal lives, a lively multi-nation participation argument over which particular quarry in Iwa gives the best polishing and sharpening stones (as well as the corollary discussion on which quarry produces the Best of either category),a several hour discussion of Kankuro’s theory about getting around wind jutsu - Tenten wants to test them out, but no one in the area is good at Wind jutsu, as well as some of the new technology (mostly trains - Tenten thinks they could do with major improvements since they’re moving targets for ambush, Kankuro is more concerned with getting trains near to Suna), and have just left when a flicker of the electric streetlights startles him enough to stall one of the gears and he stumbles unnaturally.

Tenten guides him to a nearby bench, and it’s irritating like sand in one’s sandal - something that at first isn’t but then abrades and abrades until you have a rash or burn on your heel and hobble everywhere, only in his mind not on his skin. It’s the work of a moment for her to crouch and roll up his jumpsuit’s leg to reveal the cogs and the faint traces of his chakra strings that have been keeping him upright and moving. He's had to discreetly add more as the day wore on, to his hips and his spine and shoulders and maybe this is how Sasori began, building himself a puppet to live in. Kankuro tamps down the thought and instead focuses on the featherlight touch of calluses and fingertips as they ghost over skin unnecessarily suddenly sensitive.

It's an odd sensation, and he's immediately aware of how this must look to the passersby who glance sideways and do shinobi double takes just to make sure they saw what they saw. By morning everyone even minutely clued into the ninja gossip network will know about this, but wildly blown out of context and with things that didn't happen to spice things up. Kankuro can feel the safe sex refresher talk Temari is going to give him (again) already, and Gaara’s deadpan stare.

It's a more minor concern, comparatively; Tenten is poking things that shouldn't be poked, and as clinical as her face is it's highlighted in novel ways by the strong electric lights from beautiful into something angelic. Kankuro is glad for the tint to his base face paint - he's sure his face is burning with excess blood. And by the Sandaime’s Iron, there go a few Suna jounin - Kankuro is never going to live this down. He’s pointedly not looking at Tenten when she taps his knee twice. “There there, whatever you do don’t throw your head back and groan.” The implication hits and Kankuro is mortified.

“Think if I ask nicely enough, I can get Onoki to Particle Release me into the Pure Lands?” Kankuro tries to keep his voice level and his face straight, but he fails because he can hear Tenten laughing at him under her breath even as she pulls down his pant leg.

“Don’t worry, I’m never going to get Ino off my back about this either.” It’s sympathy, in the clearest sense. Tenten offers her shoulder, but Kankuro declines, instead cycling the gears as he gets to his feet. It’s smooth, so he gestures towards the way they had been headed, and it feels natural to link hands.

It’s quiet between them as they steadily traverse the steadily emptying streets towards the guesthouses their contingents have been housed in. Not awkwardly so, thought it could easily be, but a full silence like the 3am silences Kankuro has with his siblings when it is far too late and they are tired but they have miles of paperwork to go before they can rest. Maybe it's that familiarity that makes Kankuro think he can invite Tenten into his room, that reminder of warmth and steel and diamond tucked into living flesh and bone.

He might've underestimated his remaining strength, within minutes he's flagging, but she is too. They've been debating the finer points of the political discussions ongoing during the Summit - Onoki is off his rocker with some of what he's saying, but A had some excellent points in rebuttal which surprises everyone - when Tenten speaks into the soft inky darkness, lights long gone out. “Why hide that you need braces?”

There's a vulnerable moment when Kankuro debates not answering, but the darkness is .... comforting. Like anything he says is confidential, no matter how honest or revealing. Not that Tenten would do so anyways - not with the serious revelations - but it's far more relaxing to be honest in the dark. “I'm the Master of the Puppeteer Brigade.”

A beat of silence, of what feels like no comprehension, and it's as good as an invitation to continue. “People in Suna didn't care for Rasa, not like how they care and love Gaara, and it was especially rough in the Brigade. Every achievement I made, I had to work twice as hard to get recognized. To get access, to get training, to get included. It... helped, a lot, since I ended up having to be twice as good as everyone else at a thing to be considered ‘acceptable’.” He pauses to breathe, pain clenching at his ribs. He doesn’t say how it had rankled then, how it rankles now to remember, how it still affects how the other Puppeteers interact with him and how it frustrates and angers in equal measure. “And now I'm Brigade Master.”

She echoes him with something uncomfortably like understanding. “And now you're Brigade Master.” More silence, then shifting that must be Tenten moving to sit upright. “Just because the position defaulted to you after... after. It doesn't mean you don't deserve it. You don't need to prove yourself by being strong or throwing yourself into danger.”

Per usual, Tenten cuts to the heart of the matter. His mind automatically protests, that she doesn't understand how much he dreamed as a child of wearing the Brigade Master face paint, how he enamored of the stories about the greatest Brigade Masters and their talents, their feats. That he, Kankuro of the Sand, doesn't measure up, not even by half, and he at least needs to do the job of Brigade Master well, protect the Kage and lead the Brigade by example. Strength cannot be gained without support.

But. She had spoken with understanding, as though she knew. He can't see her, but ninja training pays off sometimes for non-ninja applications, and he catches her free hand - oh he didn’t let go of the other earlier did he? A consideration for later. “You're the same. You earned your jounin status and the Heavenly Tools with skill and ability and hard work. You lasted longer using them - using more of them - than even a man on track to be a Kage.” The rest of his words taste fraudulent in his mouth - things he knows is true for Tenten but somehow not true for himself and it's unspoken but understood kicking off a round of argument is what neither of them want right now.

The night silence claims them both after that. Kankuro has to pretend when he wakes up curled cat-like small and Tenten starfished over him that he doesn't ache with fond memories of cuddling with his mother and sister and Uncle Yashamaru before Gaara was born. This is similar, yet different, less like coming home to sun-warm Suna sand and more like the wet green dappled sunlight of Konoha forests. The same but different.

They exit the building only to stumble upon Gai arbitrating a strength contest between Lee, B, and a very muscly man from Iwa. Temari murmurs under her breath as they approach. “Punishment Test of Youth.”

Lee seems to be on fire, with most of his clothes on. He seems to have lost sleeves at some point, but in comparison with B and the Iwa ninja - both in underpants - he's still clothed. Gai calls time and the three ninja who were counting the contestants’ one handed push ups declare the counts for the assembled crowd. Lee, unsurprisingly, has the most, and the other two lose the pants. There's screaming and photography flashes and Kankuro uses the cover to mutter back, “Who's being punished here, exactly?” That's more of B he's ever wanted to see.

Temari, who had eeled her way over, eyes the display - another contest starting - before rejoining, “I'm never going to unsee that.”

Tenten, meanwhile, seems to be enjoying herself - calling encouragement to her teammate, and placing intense bets with the nearest bookies. Kankuro taps her shoulder and disentangles his hand from hers to let her know he's headed away from this madness, and she waves him off cheerfully.

It isn't until lunch with both his siblings that Gaara baldly states, “When were you going to tell us about your girlfriend Kankuro?”

Kankuro nearabouts spits cloudberry juice across the table. “What girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend.”

Temari and Gaara exchange speaking glances, but it's Temari who speaks. “Tenten. The person you're in a surprisingly healthy long distance relationship with?” Which. Temari is one to talk given Shikamaru and the wholly unnecessary “ambassadorial” trips that happen regularly.

He's sputtering and he knows it. “She's not my girlfriend!” Thank the Sage this suite is strictly for only the most trusted of the Suna shinobi, or rumors would fly. More rumors. Oh please for the love of Suna, let Gaara and Temari not have heard anything about last night.

“It’s fine, you know. You can admit it.” Temari raises a brow, and Gaara is giving Kankuro his most trustworthy face while not changing a single muscle in his face. “We’re not going to judge you or anything.”

“There’s nothing to admit!” His voice is strident, but he’s desperate. Why?

Temari raises the other eyebrow and starts ticking off things on her fingers, “Friendly rivals, have meaningful conversations, support one another physically and emotionally, help each other improve - I saw that taijutsu manual you got last year, keep up dedicated correspondence for years and remember people in each other’s periphery, make plans to meet regularly, share interests beyond work, put up with each other’s crazy teammates as a matter of course, have long conversations that last well into the night, keep each other appraised of life developments in detail, send each other things for no apparent reason- and Gaara, I’m going to need more fingers.” Gaara obliges with a sand hand balled into a fist. “Near silent communication - I saw the three motion mime today that was apparently an entire message, hold hands, share food, spend nights together, and you’re willing to show your weaknesses to her, ” This has Gaara staring at him and Kankuro is wilting, “Have I made my point, or should I continue?”

Kankuro is sure she can continue. The sinking feeling in his stomach tells him that he really really doesn’t need her to continue, but his brain is unhelpful and wants to see just how far deep into the quicksand he’s gotten himself.

Gaara pulls out a self help guide. Kankuro has seen that guide before; Sai had been reading it, and now Kankuro is consumed by the urge to destroy the book before it taints his brother either by word or by contagion of Konoha. “According to this book, there are a few fundamental basics to a relationship. You have met over 90 percent of the listed requirements by Ino and Temari’s evaluation, and more besides.”

Sandaime’s Iron Sand, there is no saving Kankuro, or his sanity. “Gaara, if you love me, you'll kill me before one of the Elders hears and has political raptures.” Three seconds of blank stare and that’s an unequivocal no. “Temari, best sister of mine?”

“I’m your only sister. And no one is going to sell you out to an Elder, we’ve made sure of it.” Which means Gaara’s bloodthirsty hellions made watery eyes at everyone until they agreed or they stabbed people into agreement. Or both. Kankuro is never going to live it down. Matsuri and the rest are going to blackmail him for ages.

Kankuro throws down his napkin - what a glorious waste of linen, Granny Chiyo is probably screeching with horror in the Pure Lands - and declares, “I’m going to get some fresh air.” He doesn’t wait to be dismissed before barreling out of the suite, out of the building.

The park is nice and empty, good for thinking. He turns over the conversation in his mind, over and over and over and over in time to the push-release of the swing. Their words are haunting, not in their content, but the fact that his siblings aren’t wrong. What had felt natural, normal.... It looked a lot like a relationship. And that is all well and good, but Kankuro isn’t sure how he feels about that. Is it just normal, or is it because of something more?

Kankuro would be first in line to defend that Tenten is beautiful, desirable, bright and dazzling and someone he’s more at ease with than any of the various women he is set up to meet. Something as important as being able to share their time and enjoy it together, as being able to understand one another. But - dating? Romantic ....stuff? It’s true that some things Kankuro does can be construed as romantic, and maybe this is what Temari meant by trying to get him to make more friends because he would never have gotten himself into this mess if he had a better idea of what is normal, but nevertheless. The thought is warm, but still slightly off kilter like a epiphany - the small things he’s overlooked but that have been there, like knowing the shape of her face when she lets her hair down, the sound of her laugh in full, the calluses and rough worn places on her hands from the constant training, her warmth and the sensations she leaves in her wake, the voice he can hear clear as day in his head when reading a letter, knowing the small details off the top of his head when asked. It paints a picture not unlike something more, like what Temari and Gaara were talking about, and now that Kankuro has a frame to reference, he can’t lie and say he hates the thought. Yet -

He tries to imagine a daily life scenario like what his parents had before Gaara, but it sours quickly, even in his mind. Tenten loves her independence as much as Kankuro loves his own, and relationships have expectations. Like moving in together, sharing space constantly, among others that twist his guts with wrong-no-wrong. It’s already annoying, and it’s yet a hypothetical. Is this how Temari feels, about Shikamaru and the understood eventuality she’ll move to Konoha and be the permanent, resident ambassador?

It might not be worth worrying about - as far as he can tell Tenten is just interested in friendship? But is he reading the situation correctly? This is why he patently prefers his puppets - they’re straightforward and easy to figure out, unlike people.

Kankuro shakes himself from his thoughts at the sound of ninja quiet footsteps - he knows that silhouette, and what was that saying about summoning demons by name? And for once, the silence between them is tense - he can’t get those words out of his head, and everything is awkward like it’s never been before. “Can I sit?” He nods, and she takes up the free swing. There’s silence. “So Ino set up an Intervention.”

“I think my siblings did too.” More silence, and it’s strained. “So.”

“So.” The sunset is punctuated by the steady metronome of the creak of the swings.

“Does anything have to change? With us?” Kankuro winces - there were a million ways to phrase that, but he just had to choose the one that made it sound like it was a foregone conclusion there was an “Us” to speak of. “Not that there is an ‘us’, but ....” Open mouth insert foot, Kankuro, well done.

“... Do you want there to be an ‘us’?” Careful, but considering, like the thought hadn’t occurred until just now.

Not like Kankuro can hold it against her; it’s not like he has an answer himself, “I like what we have now. Does that mean an ‘us’?”

More quiet, this time with the opening strains of people hurrying home, or to the bars and izakayas, the sound of places closing or opening and the warmth of the change between afternoon to twilight. “ I like what we have now too, whatever you want to call it. But I can’t ever imagine doing something like Karui, or Temari -” She cuts herself off, as if she’s revealed too much.

“I could never ask you to; it would .... it’s anathema to who you are.” It doesn’t need to be said that Kankuro can’t leave Suna either - won’t leave, refuses to leave. They’re both too loyal to leave their Village, to stubborn to choose anything but their home, and too independent to accept having to leave. Too independent to enjoy being in each other’s pockets constantly. “So.”

“So. They say we’re in a relationship. Or dating, at least.” Tenten sighs, before straightening her spine. “Why are we even listening to anyone else anyways?”

He shrugs, “I’m socially awkward and they’re all terrifying?” It startles a giggle out of her, and it breaks the tension into a feeling more reminiscent of their normal.

“Temari and Ino are terrifying. But it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily right.” Kankuro will pay good ryo to have Tenten say that to Temari’s face. He’ll mention the possibility later. “Do we agree we both like what we have now? Whatever label is applicable, we don’t care?” She pauses and stares at him, and Kankuro hastily agrees. “Then we don’t have to change anything unless or until that changes.”

He nods his agreement. “Thank the Sage. Want to check out the festival the Summit organizers mentioned?” It’s almost second nature, now, after just a few days, to hold out his hand and know the feel of her palm against his, the warmth of her against him.

Tenten smiles and takes his hand to pull along in the direction of the sprawl of lights just now turning on. Kankuro is happy to follow along, and it strikes him then that there was a time when he thought Tenten was unremarkable, unmemorable. He is far from the genin he was then, but he can’t help but know that he will never not remember her again. The feel of her laughter tucked against his shoulder as they bounce from group to group together to talk to friends, the casual intimacy she offers and accepts in turn as they separate and find each other in the crowds later, the sound of her words against his ear and the hard-earned calluses that mark her as a master of her craft at the fish catching booth. He can only wonder about what shape he’s left in her life, but it doesn’t matter so much since they’re in accord that they’ll be able to fall into this routine as they want, when they want. It feels new and light and careful made like a fresh blade, like a thousand glittering bits of chakra woven into the fireworks bursting overhead. A million strings connect Kankuro to a trillion different things, but perhaps, indelibly, there are a few thousand between them sunk deep and unwavering, whatever it’s called. He finds he doesn’t mind in the slightest.

#kankuro #tenten #kankuten #naruto gift exchange #for tweet #i hope you like it!#this was a doozy to write #garbage rivalry turned romance #i guess #art writes

62 notes · View notes

writeforsoreeyes · 5 years

Text

BL LookBack - Only the Ring Finger Knows

Welcome to BL LookBack, where I’m rereading some of the oldest BL series still on my shelves to see how well they hold up for me today!

[image description: cover of Only the Ring Finger Knows; two teenage boys in school uniforms pose intimately with rings prominently displayed on their fingers]

story by Satoru Kannagi / art by Hotaru Odagiri originally serialized 2001 - 2002 (Takuma Shoten) English edition: 2004 (Digital Manga Publishing)

Only the Ring Finger Knows was a pioneer in the United States--one of the first BL published here and an early hit. I feel safe in saying that nearly everyone who had an interest in BL in the 2000s at least knew of it, if not read it. Many considered it the ideal “beginner’s BL.”

I recall liking it well enough back when I first read it ~10 years ago. I even remember the plot keenly thanks to its simplicity and unique elements. It felt odd (dare I say queer) to reread it now that I am closer to 30 than 20, out of the closet, and a lot better informed on problematic tropes. Still, I’m pleasantly surprised at how well it holds up all these years later (relatively speaking.)

Wataru is an ordinary teenager who, by chance, meets Kazuki, a popular upperclassman. Kazuki is the prince of their high school, with what seems like the entire female student body crushing on him. In fact, even girls at other schools adore Kazuki. He’s handsome, smart, athletic, rich, and-- above all else--known for his kindness.

Wataru, therefore, is shocked when Kazuki treats him rudely during their first encounter. He continues to be a jerk to Wataru during future meetings. Why does he treat me differently? Wataru wonders. As time goes by, his thoughts become more and more preoccupied with Kazuki.

[image description: Kazuki yanks a handkerchief from Wataru’s grip and tells him, “Wash your face at home.”]

I’m sure you can all tell where this is going. It’s an old plot, made popular for centuries by works like Pride and Prejudice. What distinguishes Only the Ring Finger Knows from similar stories is its one quirky plot element: the rings.

At Wataru and Kazuki’s school, rings are popular. Two friends might wear matching rings on their right ring fingers to show off their bond. A student can signal that they are single by wearing a ring on their middle finger. And, most importantly, couples wear matching rings on their left ring fingers.

Wataru isn’t keen on the trend, but he does have a ring that he wear on his middle finger due to his personal attachment to it. And (gasp!) Kazuki happens to have a ring that is the exact same design.

You can probably guess where this is going as well.

[image description: Kazuki says that he had to get his ring back from Wataru because “it’s creepy being paired up with a guy.” After a moment, Wataru says, “Same here!”]

The plot is beat-by-beat predictable, which isn’t necessarily a detriment within the romance genre. What the story does notably well is the character writing.

Wataru is relatable for readers: aware that he doesn’t stand out and righteously upset at being treated poorly for no reason. He stands up for himself, pushing back against Kazuki’s bad behavior verbally and-- when necessary-- physically. He’s kind to his sister, doing her the favor of delivering a friend’s present to Kazuki even though he’s loathe to talk to Kazuki more. Perhaps most importantly, he’s honest to himself about his feelings, even as they confuse him.

[image description: Wataru presents Kazuki with a large, wrapped gift. Kazuki is taken aback and Wataru notes that Kazuki’s surprise seems genuine even though Wataru thinks Kazuki must get gifts frequently.]

Kazuki, meanwhile, is compelling for readers primarily because they suspect what his true feelings are and wait on bated breath for those feelings to be revealed. It’s always satisfying when a proud character admits something that they view as a vulnerability. However,

Kazuki as a character ages poorly for me. The “he teases you because he likes you” mindset persists even today, but it’s becoming less tolerable for modern readers and may turn some off this story.

In addition, Kazuki leans dangerously into the “bully but secretly gay” trope. It doesn’t feel quite accurate to call Kazuki a bully-- he doesn’t purposefully seek Wataru out to harass him or humiliate him in front of peers. But he does nettle Wataru during every interaction. Whenever Kazuki feels the conversation is becoming too intimate or he has exposed too much of himself, he sabotages the conversation by pissing Wataru off.

[image description: Kazuki leans forward so that Wataru is backed into a wall. Wataru looks irritated. With just inches between their faces, Kazuki says, “Thanks for the special delivery.”]

I’ve no doubt that these traits would make him an unacceptable love interest for many readers. However, some people enjoy such characters and Kazuki never does anything to Wataru that absolutely crosses the line into irredeemable. (Your mileage may vary.)

Furthermore, when Kazuki finally confesses his feelings to Wataru and admits that he had no hope of Wataru ever liking him back, it’s instinctive to respond to that kind of vulnerability. Who among us has never feared that they valued a relationship far more than the object of their affections, whether it be a lover, a crush, a friend, or a family member?

[image description: Wataru tells Kazuki that he threw his ring away. Kazuki is shocked.]

The other element of the story that doesn’t age well is its attitude towards homosexuality. While Only the Ring Finger Knows is not as egregious in this respect as some other BL, it’s still tiring to read things like “It’s creepy being paired up with a guy,” and “You sure you aren’t ‘funny,’ that way?”

Also, the characters exhibit a prevailing belief that being gay is something a person chooses. Even as Wataru accepts his own unexpected feelings for Kazuki, he thinks to himself, “Someone as popular as Kazuki has no reason to turn to another man for a partner.” (Despite the fact that he himself didn’t “turn” to Kazuki and fell for him quite naturally.) Likewise, Kazuki’s cousin makes a comment to Wataru’s sister that she’s surprised Kazuki didn’t “choose” to fall in love with her instead of Wataru, since Wataru and his sister look so much alike.

In addition, the most chaste displays of romantic affection between two men are treated as borderline obscene. In an epilogue, Wataru and Kazuki kiss briefly in front of Kazuki’s young niece. It’s meant to be a humorous and somewhat shocking moment, captioned with “in front of a child.” There’s nothing scandalous about the moment though, so the “humor” falls flat and ultimately it comes off as prudish at best and homophobic at worst.

As typical of BL from this era, there’s zero discussion of the troubles queer people face in a conservative society. The few people who find out about Wataru and Kazuki’s feelings are supportive. Neither Wataru nor Kazuki seem to think that they might be ostracized at school when people realize they are dating-- they mention that rumors may occur, but nothing nefarious. Indeed, the word “gay” never comes up in the story, nor does any related terminology.

[image description: Kazuki confesses that he found it hard to speak with Wataru because he was struggling with his feelings, adding “I never imagined that I’d find myself in love with a younger... man.”]

Many BL (old and new) have an issue of treating their female characters poorly. While none of the actual female characters in Only the Ring Finger Knows receive bad treatment, it’s troublesome how the manga paints basically every female student as being obsessed with Kazuki. And I do mean obsessed-- a mob of girls show up at Kazuki’s house on his birthday uninvited and end up rioting.

Despite these grievances, I did enjoy my reread of the manga. It’s a classic tale told well, with each scene showing how Wataru and Kazuki circle around each other, slowly drawing closer. The emotional payoff when they get together is satisfying, even if I can’t help but begrudge Kazuki his happiness somewhat.

*final verdict: still recommended with mild disclaimers*

#only the ring finger knows #bl lookback

1 note · View note

greekprodigies · 6 years

Text

Why Shows Like Insatiable Are So Toxic, Despite Their Intentions

As a teenage girl who has only recently grown out of watching Disney Channel, it was safe to say I was intrigued when Netflix released the teaser trailer for their new 12-episode series Insatiable, starring Debbie Ryan, who played the title character of Disney’s Jessie for four seasons. It was a 30-second clip of Debbie Ryan in a hot pink dress, walking down a junk food aisle at a colorful grocery store, smashing everything on the shelves with a sledgehammer. Ryan’s voiceover says, “I’ve heard stories of girls who grew up happy and well-adjusted. This is not that story.” My first thoughts were, based solely on this teaser, that the main character seemed to be the villain, or at least a girl with a grudge. And, based off of this girl’s seemingly bad relationship with food, I also figured it would portray fat shaming in a way that most popular television shows don’t. I was hoping that Netflix would take their power over the teenage demographic and show a perspective that strayed away from the (respectable and still necessary) insecure overweight character still coming to terms with her own body (i.e. Kate from This Is Us or Rachel from My Mad Fat Diary). A perspective that I, an overweight high school senior who has already been through the ringer of despising my fatness, could relate to.

It’s obvious, in retrospect, that I was thinking way too deeply into a vague half-minute teaser video. I had gotten my hopes up. Those hopes were soon diminished when the official trailer was released

The video starts off with Debbie Ryan in a fat suit (I’ll get to why that is so grossly offensive later), introducing herself as Patty and showing her constant struggle as a victim of bullying and fat shaming at her high school. Her classmates (who seem to all be thin) call her “Fatty Patty”, and go so far as to spray paint it on her locker. Irene Choi, who plays Patty’s cruelest offender, is shown shouting “Porky! Butterball!” through a megaphone in the cafeteria, pointing to the main character. Then, after what seems to be a fight over a chocolate bar with a homeless man, Patty is punched in the face. Her voice-over tells us, “Having my jaw wired shut lost me more than just my summer vacation.”

Enter Patty 2.0. She’s the sparkling image of every chubby girl’s dream weight after she watches a show like this and vows to cut off carbs. No stretch marks, no cellulite, nothing that reflects what somebody’s body actually looks like after losing a large amount of weight in such a short period of time. The trailer escalates to a montage style of clips of Patty slapping, punching, and even pouring liquor onto some of her classmates before lighting a match.

It feels like a fantasy that’s trying to be relatable. That’s telling us that every bullied teenager, who’s frontal lobe isn’t developed enough to have a lot of perspective, craves revenge from their tormentors. And it’s easy for this narrative to be confused as a realistic depiction of the experience of being a teenage bullying victim. It’s even in the news, shown in the series of article published about domestic terrorist Nikolas Cruz revealing him being an orphan and being described as an “outcast” in interviews following the Parkland shooting. Sure, Insatiable’s revenge plot is meant to be satirical the same way Dexter (which Lauren Gussis, the writer and executive producer of this show, also worked on) is, but because it’s set in a high school during modern day, Patty (possibly, based on what’s shown in the trailer) killing her classmates hits a softer spot.

In the Teen Vogue article that was released with the trailer, Gussis explains how she “felt it was important to look at [bullying] head on and talk about it.” But it’s hard to look at bullying head-on when its changed so drastically over a span of 20 years. It’s past mean nicknames and cruel but clever comments said as two characters pass in a hallway. And more recently, it’s past cyberbullying. Or, at least, the way adults view cyberbullying based off of tone-deaf shows like Glee and dramatized TV movies like Cyberbully (which stars not one, but two former Disney Channel actresses). I’ve never met a high school student who got called a slut or gay 200 times in the comment section of a Facebook post. And, if I am completely wrong due to the fact that I’ve grown up during the social media transition from Facebook to Instagram and Snapchat, that form of bullying died when the Facebook phenomenon did. It is a subtler conversation than the beautiful cool kids versus the ugly losers.The solution is simple: If you’re going to make a show based off of your experiences of bullying in the 80’s, 90’s or even early 2000’s, make the show take place during those decades. Colliding old stereotypes to a character who exists in 2018 is unrealistic and humiliating.

Intention wise, Insatiable can be easily compared to another controversial Netflix original series, 13 Reasons Why. In the warning videos that are shown before watching, the stars of the show say, “By shedding a light on these difficult topics, we hope our show can help viewers start a conversation. But if you struggling with these issues yourself, this series may not be right for you, or you may want to watch it with a trusted adult,” And this message perfectly conveys a show that’s purpose seems heartfelt but is ultimately clueless. Here we have a television program that is produced by a bunch of 30 year olds, where people in their 20’s play high school students (yes, everyone who plays a teenager in 13RW are actually in their 20’s), pretending to understand what it’s like to be a teenager as if the dynamic between young people and mental illness hasn’t changed immensely in just the past couple of years. Just in five, the use of memes and irony has shifted from simply making fun of something, to helping us cope with the fact that our world is on fire. Everybody is laughing at the jokes about depression because, since the rise of social media and the quantification of how many people like us, we all feel depressed. Suicide, though tragic, has now been boiled down to kids saying they want to kill themselves when they have too much homework. We have an education system that teaches us about the anatomy of sex but never teaches us what questions need to be asked about consent during our sexual experiences. So making a show to start a conversation about depression, suicide, and sexual assault that warns it’s targeted audience (who are constantly surrounded by these topics) that the show might not be right for them is simply irresponsible.

But, if I can counteract what I just said, 13 Reasons Why horrifically also is the only show I’ve seen that has the most correct articulation of modern bullying. That’s not to say that anything else with the show is correct, because it’s not. Perhaps what is so wrong about 13RW is that, because they focus so much on the bullying aspect of high school, it provides a direct correlation between bullying and suicide. Well, that, and the graphic/triggering suicide and sexual assault scenes that were used for shock value. Nevertheless, Hannah Baker doesn’t go home and find a bunch of Instagram DMs of her classmates called her a whore. Any secrets that Hannah’s offenders had regarding what could have led her to kill herself were events that happened IRL. And they were just that: Secrets. Because the bullies were ashamed of what they had done. Even before Hannah committed suicide, Jessica Davis didn’t just go around telling people she slapped her ex-best friend because she thought she had betrayed her.

With Insatiable, it seems like everybody in this fictional high school (except for Patty’s best friend and maybe even a popular girl with a heart of gold) is insanely okay with harassing a girl just because of her appearance. It’s insulting, both as a fat girl and an observer of modern bullying. There isn’t one school in the country where 99% of its students just allow this sort of cruelty. Because we have perspectives and opinions that (surprise!) aren’t always swayed by whatever Instagram model is trending right now. Just because Emma Chamberlain is successful and skinny, doesn’t mean that we’re brainwashed to only make skinny people successful. I’m not saying that there isn’t an institutional privilege that skinny girls have, and have always had when it comes to social acceptance. Because they do. But there’s a gray area where most people stand when it comes to issues as new and contentious as body positivity, and Insatiable is ignoring it. You don’t have to be a body-posi activist to know that making somebody feel like shit because of their weight is wrong. And I hope this show can have a character that, without having any relation to Patty, recognizes that what these bullies are doing is outrageous.

After we recognize that the intention of these shows is ultimately flawed, we can then try to take a step forward and look at the impact. 13 Reasons Why, after being loudly criticized by suicide prevention experts, broke virtually every rule of portraying suicide. And as a result, a study shows that searches such as “how to commit suicide”, “suicide hotline number” and “teen suicide” were elevated after the show’s release. The time period for the search ended on April 18th of that year after NFL player Aaron Hernandez committed suicide, which could have influenced data. And any searches related to the movie Suicide Squad were discounted. Sure, the show had increased suicide awareness, but it also unintentionally increased suicide rationalization. And I fear that Insatiable may be on the same path. Regardless of the revenge plot or the bullying, there is still a skinny actress in a fat suit portraying a fat character who only eats, sits on the couch, and feels bad about herself. Then, after a summer of not being able to eat, returns to high school skinny and composed.

Firstly, the use of a fat suit is sickly but overall not surprising. In a world where blackface and yellowface in Hollywood has only just become unacceptable, fat suits seem more defendable for skinny people who don’t understand that there are a plethora of plus size actors who could have played Fatty Patty just as well (and most likely better) than Debby Ryan with pillows stuffed up her shirt. Perhaps the show could have avoided being so oblivious to its fat-shaming storyline if they had an actual fat person weighing in on it.

Secondly, there is the characterization of fat people as losers who do nothing but eat and watch TV. If there were a time and place for these characters to exist, it is definitely not now, where the call for diversity in Hollywood is louder than ever. Plus, we’ve already seen these people before. And it’s the same plot every time. They are only created to provide a funny prequel to a supposedly more stable version of the character. “Fat Monica” from Friends and “Fat Schmidt” from New Girl show a universe where plus size people can’t be taken seriously until they shed the pounds. When in reality, fat men and women are perfectly capable of being successful in their professional and romantic lives. Ironically enough, another New Girl character comes to mind when I think of plus size characters being accurately portrayed: Emily. She’s Schmidt’s ex-girlfriend from college, who dated him when he was her “Big Guy”. After Schmidt reminisces about losing his virginity to her, she resurfaces into his life as a confident woman who goes on dates and isn’t ashamed of who she is. There even seems to be a layer to her character showing that there had been a time where she was insecure about herself and her body but has overcome them. This is an example of a healthy goal for young girls and boys who are self-conscious of their body. Not Debby Ryan’s character, who only gains confidence after losing an obscene amount of weight.

It may actually be the casting of Debby Ryan that could cause a rise in body dysmorphia in young people from watching this show. Since her face is plastered on every poster, teaser and trailer for the show, Disney Channel fans, and former fans might watch simply because she’s cast as the lead role. It’s certainly what sparked my interest in the show. And since Disney Channel’s demographic has gotten younger and younger, there’s a generation that will watch this show and not see it as fat shaming, but a way to become the person they’ve always wanted to be. Skinny, beautiful and confident while simultaneously making all of their classmates' jaws drop as they walk down the hallway. But Patty doesn’t lose weight healthily, she literally could not eat solid food. Depending on how the show addresses this, it is a possible glorification of anorexia. Just like 13 Reasons Why glorified and romanticized depression. But two wrongs don’t make a right, and anorexia and depression can not make anybody beautifully broken.

To make things clear, I am not telling you to not watch this show. And based off of the 100,000 signatures (and counting) on a petition for the show’s cancellation, none of us may even get to. But speaking as a person who fits into all of these groups, Insatiable gets everything wrong about being a high schooler, a teenage girl, and a fat person.

#insatiable #netflix #debby ryan #op ed #fatphobia #fat shaming #body positive #body posititivity #anorexia #depression #13 reasons why #13rw #suicide

5 notes · View notes