#also for context the conversation was about why i get so anxious at the very concept of moving away from my immediate family | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

halemerry · 8 months

Note

hii first of all, i absolutely love your metas on GO s2! your breakdown of the last few minutes of ep6 was really insightful and i love you for your meta about aziraphale and his role as a protector - it is a very astute look into his character and motivations which not a lot of people acknowledge in their theories/speculation after s2.

more to the point of this ask: this is something i've been mulling over and is the only thing that still doesn't make sense to me in ep6. why is crowley so nonchalant, or at least not noticeably worried, about the metatron showing up to the bookshop (a space he is very protective of) and taking aziraphala away for a talk after aziraphale has already been threatened by micheal? throughout the whole season crowley has been extremely protective over aziraphale and is very much aware of the real danger he is in (re: the book of life). this is also right after crowley has returned from heaven and has learned what the metatron was willing to do to gabriel to ensure 'institutional integrity' and that much bigger plans were afoot. i find it hard to wrap my head around his calm demeanor when the metatron enters the scene and takes aziraphale away, even if it's supposedly for a harmless talk. i wonder if you have any thoughts/speculation about this?

(opps this got too long and rambling). i would love to hear your thought but ofc please don't feel pressured to answer :) love your posts about the season and i look forward to reading more from you. have a lovely day!

Hi!! Thank you so much! This ask has had me by the throat basically since you sent it. It sort of touches on some things I already wanted to write about so forgive me if this spirals a bit.

So in a lot of ways I think this is a question that can have a one word answer. But since I do wanna talk about the way the show gives us this answer I actually want to start with Nina. Specifically I want to start with the thing she tells Crowley as Aziraphale’s off with the Metatron.

“You’re the hard bitten one that can’t trust anyone ever again and Mr. Wherever He Is is the soft one that still believes in magic people being basically good and all that."

I’ve talked a little bit about this line before in my meta about the build up to the Confession here because I think it’s important to view from the perspective of how it preps Crowley for the following conversation he’s about to have. But, aside from that, I think it's really important because it's wrong. Nina is describing herself here, not Crowley. She’s projecting her own issues onto him and Aziraphale in the way that she perceives herself relating to them. Crowley himself is actually the one that calls out her trust issues for what they are explicitly.

Nina doesn’t trust and she sees herself in Crowley far more than Aziraphale both in demeanor and aesthetic so she assumes he doesn’t trust either. But she has it backwards. Because Crowley isn’t hard bitten as much as someone who tries very hard to be perceived as such. And, most importantly in this specific context, Crowley actually trusts quite a bit.

And he nearly always has. Even as far as back as the Starmaker.

Just look at the way that the Starmaker and Aziraphale both talk about interacting with God. Aziraphale is nervous, anxious and pretty much immediately clocks that what the angel that would become Crowley is saying is going to get him into trouble. But the Starmaker? Even upset about the information he’s been given, he remains confident in the fact that it can’t hurt to ask a few questions. He trusts there to be no consequence for expressing an objection. He trusts that his opinion is valued. Even if he ends up wrong here there’s no inclination at all that he thinks his words will be taken inappropriately. And even the Fall itself doesn’t burn this out of him.

We see him trust Aziraphale, the cherub who was supposed to be guarding Eden from things like him, not to smite him on sight. And trusts him enough to not only have a conversation but express his own worries about his own actions. He then approaches Aziraphale like a friend at the Flood and makes no attempt to censor his horror at what is happening there.

Job is the first time we see Crowley act in a way that implies mistrust between them. This is the first time they’ve met since the Flood which I suspect is contributing to his reluctance to be honest with Aziraphale here. They fall into their roles and then very rapidly fall out of them. The fact Azriaphale reaches out to Crowley here is important. As is the moment where Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’s sure. After Aziraphale more or less agrees to be all in something changes. Crowley is surprisingly honest about his view on the world, mostly trusting Aziraphale not to use it against him. He places himself in front of a host of angels, trusting that Aziraphale would not expose him. And then later he’s even more honest, admitting to Aziraphale he’s lonely in an attempt to show solidarity.

The entire Arrangement could not exist without them trusting each other. Crowley’s pushing at Aziraphale’s boundaries is a constant exercise in trusting that Aziraphale will come around eventually - or that he at the very least isn’t about to weaponize the treacherous things Crowley is saying against him. As early as 1601 we see Aziraphale voicing active concern for Crowley's well being. We then see Crowley actively trust Aziraphale with both their safeties in 1941 - whether it’s trusting Azriaphale to save them from the bomb about to drop on them or trusting Aziraphale’s trust in him to not accidentally discorporate him during the bullet catch. They even explicitly talk about their mutual trust in this year during their shades of gray conversation.

During Armageddon Crowley shows up trusting that Aziraphale will help him fix this and once Aziraphale agrees never once seems to consider the idea that Aziraphale would hide anything from him (even when Aziraphale is actively doing so).

He also critically knows that Aziraphale tried to reach God and got himself discorporated as a consequence. And likely specifically knows that Aziraphale talked to the Metatron and came away from that conversation realizing that Heaven would not help him. It's worth noting whether Crowley knows this bit or not that in this conversation Aziraphale not only explicitly questions the Metatron's authority but also uses the conversation to extract information from the Metatron.

Aziraphale leaves this conversation with an active lie to the Metatron and attempts to call Crowley to tell him everything he knew. He then continually chooses Crowley over Heaven. They pick their own side and help stop the world from ending.

And then, all season, Aziraphale keeps proving that the trust Crowley has always had in him is well earned. Aziraphale, even more than Crowley himself, brings up ideas of 'us' and 'our side' and 'our car'.

Aziraphale openly talks negatively of Heaven. Not only does he agree with Crowley's disbelief that Heaven managed to stay in charge sending people like Muriel down, but he even goes a step further, implying that they perhaps never had control over earth in that way.

He also, most critically, immediately and without hesitation, tries to turn down the Metatron's offer to even have a conversation. Aziraphale, who has also just brought a group of archangels to order, reaffirms his lack of interest in Heaven right then and there in front of Crowley. Right when the Metatron has reaffirmed the threat of the Book of Life is out of play.

Crowley trusts Aziraphale. He always has. And more than ever lately Aziraphale has given him proof that he doesn't have to worry about where he allegiances lay.

But. It's also worth noting. I don't think Crowley is as chill as he maybe seems like he is. Yes, he's sprawled out and speaking casually here, but to some degree this is a bit of posturing. He's playing it cool and also not encroaching on the control Aziraphale has managed to wrangle on this situation. But he also doesn't just let them wander off either. As soon as they hit the door, Crowley is out of the chair and walking to the front of the shop to watch them leave through the window. He's keeping tabs as they walk away.

He then banishes Muriel and promptly starts to clean. Now I'm always a little wary to mix Book and Show canon, but I do think his cleaning of the bookshop (as well as him carrying around stacks of books while babysitting Jim) are manifestations of Book!Crowley's tendency to want to stress clean. He's keeping himself busy and gets done too quickly then promptly glances at his watch before throwing himself into the chair with a frustrated noise. He's anxious and stressed the entire time Aziraphale is out of his line of sight.

In other words, Crowley's not actually as calm as he's presenting himself to be. He's trying to take that nervous energy out in a way that doesn't conflict with giving Aziraphale agency. Because he trusts his angel. And that in part is why it hits him so hard when it all blows up in his face.

#good omens #crowley #good omens meta #good omens spoilers #gos2 spoilers #good omens season 2 #answers #oh yeah this got waaaay long #oops

488 notes · View notes

totalbrainr0t777 · 2 months

Text

Tenya Iida SFW alphabet

༺♡༻AUTHORS / NOTE : I just wanted to start a new series, and alphabets are simple and I love doing them, requests are open!༺♡༻

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Tenya is in affectionate guy, in the comfort of your own home. PDA is a soft no, as much as he loves you, he'd rather show his affections at home, where he knows no one is watching. It makes him anxious letting his guard down in public.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Iida was originally afraid to talk to you because he found you so out of his league he had no point in trying. When he did finally talk to you, he was the most attentive and responsible friend you could've asked for. He made an effort to include you, he made sure you got to your room safe, he made sure you were okay. Tenya was your biggest cheerleader

♡.･✩°｡⋆

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddles are Tenya's guilty pleasure. He won't admit it because he feels it makes him childish and makes him feel small (that's one of his biggest worries, not being strong enough for you). His dream afternoon is you and him, limbs tangled on the couch, and watching a movie. He could care less about the movie, he just wants to watch your face light up with intrigue at the movie, maybe hug you a little tighter when it gets scarier.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Iida isn't the best cook, but he could clean for the olympics. Seriously, that guy is meticulous. Every book on his book shelf is categorised by its dewey number as per the dewey decimal system. Everything in the common room is organised time and time again (Until kirishima and kaminari are in the room). Settling down with you is something constantly on his mind, as he knows you're the love of his life.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

A calm, respectful conversation. Quiet and without any fuss, like Iida himself. He's never liked making a fuss, why would this be any difference? Breaking up with him would kill him inside but he knows sometimes it's just for the best.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Commitment has always been an issue for Tenya in a relationship context, he constantly thinks he's going to get hurt. People also aren't his thing, he prefers to be dominant and lead but that isn't how a relationship works, so he is thrown out of his comfort zone. Still, he would want marriage relatively quickly, within a couple years. Marriage is something he knows he's wanted since he met you but wouldn't know how to communicate it.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Iida comes across as blunt, however as you get to know him, you realise he genuinely can't help it. He, physically, is the most gentle there is, you're treated like glass that could break in a second. He tries desperately not to hurt your feelings, or to upset you in any way really.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

As stated in the cuddles section, he loves hugs, in private. He likes to hug you tight, so he can protect you, he doesn't hug you too often though.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

The L word isn't used lightly in the Iida household, and tenya has always had to work for his I love yous. Luckily for you, you gave him the safe space for him to admit how he feels about you.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Tenya is very territorial, that applies to you too. He loves you with all his heart and getting you stolen away isn't an option, he will do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. In public, you're glued to his side, everyone knows you and him are together.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Iida is a tender and gentle kisser, but his kisses are still passionate. He loves kissing your lips but kissing your forehead is one of his favourite things to do. He loves how your face lights up when he does it too. Being an old fashioned guy, he likes kisses on the lips but his heart pounds like crazy when you kiss his neck, or even his cheek.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Tenya isn't good around children, they're out of his control so they make him feel weird. He would love to have children but currently, he wouldn't be ready at all

♡.･✩°｡⋆

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are spent with him cuddling you in bed as long as possible, then making you cereal. Or anything you want really, he'll find out how to make it perfectly, he loves to just get up and do things but lazing in bed with you is just as good in his eyes

♡.･✩°｡⋆

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are spent with him worrying about making sure he has everything for the start of the next day. School day or not. Afterwards though, he gets in bed (at 9, 9.30 on weekends) and falls asleep with you curled up in his arms.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Tenya isn't a very open person, talking about himself is hard because the few things he values most are mainly educational and he doesn't want to bother you with that, but over time he'll cave and tell you things personally about him.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He can have a lot of patience in the right situation but a lot of little things can really get him all worked up and overstimulate him. He'd never raise his voice at you, or get annoyed at you, unless he needed to.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He has a notebook dedicated to just you. Things you like, things you don't, things you want to do, he doesn't care. Tenya just wants to make sure he treats you like royalty, like you deserve. He constantly spoils you.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you made him cry. Not because he was sad, but because your love overwhelmed him. You were in his room, talking, and you just told him how much you love him. And he burst into tears. But you cradled him in your arms, until you both fell asleep.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He would do anything in his power to protect you, to make you feel safe, no matter what. Whether it's something as small as walking to your dorm room or something as big and being your bodyguard, he wouldn't care regardless, he just wants you to be safe. He doesn't believe you should protect him, because he's the protector.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He makes you feel worshipped, like a deity on special occasions, anniversaries, etc. Even in everyday, he treats you like the only person on earth. Gifts have to be sentimental and expensive for them to be acceptable for you.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

How little he regards his own safety when it comes to you. It really upsets you how much he disregards himself for you. He doesn't see an issue with it because he sees himself as a provider, but it constantly gets on your nerves.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

His looks don't matter to him at all. Soul and mind counts miles more to Iida.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Without you, he feels bare. You make everything better for him, even something as mundane as class, he just needs you there.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Tenya has a stuffed animal (a bunny) he got from Tensei when he was born and he keeps it hidden but he trusts you enough for you to see it.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Trying to make him jealous. It just makes him think that you don't feel loved, it's his biggest pet hate in the whole world. He feels he loves you enough, to try and make him jealous just feels like a slap in the face.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Tenya hugs anything in immediate vicinity to him, pillows, blankets, you. He can't help it, he just doesn't feel comfy without something to hug.

♡.･✩°｡⋆

159 notes · View notes

paperstorm · 3 months

Text

The argument/make-up in 2x04 is really one of my favourite Tarlos stories because I just love when conflict in fiction is the direct result of two people’s individual traumas bumping up against each other, rather than someone being a villain.

Both of them in this episode are coming from a place of having a large trauma in their past that the other doesn’t know all the details of. Carlos hasn’t told TK anything, at this point, about how his coming out went and how much pain he is in every single day because he feels like his parents don’t fully accept him being gay. He avoids the topic of his parents at Owen’s party when TK brings it up because he’s in a honeymoon phase with TK and he’s never had that before with anyone. He believes – like he says at the end when they make up – that he might never be able to have a real relationship. And he does likely know that at some point they’ll have to discuss his parents but he has never been as happy with anyone as he is with TK (insert season four context of he felt broken until the day they met) and he isn’t ready just yet for the dreamy bubble they’re in to be burst by reality.

So he deflects, in what will become a signature personality trait of Carlos’s – chronic avoidance and making jokes to get out of conversations he isn't ready to have. And then by accident they run into Gabriel and Andrea, and Carlos, still not ready to do this, panics and introduces TK as his friend. He knows he shouldn’t have done that, but trauma, so he acts like he doesn’t understand why TK is upset and he makes a joke out of it. He’s been anxious this whole time about how TK, who is so out and loud and proud, is going to react when he finds out Carlos is still half in the closet, and this is the very reaction he was so afraid of and why he avoided it for so long.

None of it is done with malintent, it’s all self-preservation and learned coping mechanisms from things in his past that have left such deep scars, but TK doesn’t know that, so it hurts him anyway.

TK, meanwhile, is still pretty fresh off of getting his heart broken so badly that he tried to kill himself. He went to Austin in a truly horrendous state of pain and trauma and heartache. He wasn’t planning on meeting his soulmate so soon, he wasn’t ready to meet his soulmate because of how much his heart was still in tatters, which is why we get him being so wishy-washy in season one. By early season two he’s also very much in that honeymoon phase, but that doesn’t mean his wounds are fully healed yet. He asks Carlos about his parents, it feels implied in the party scene that it isn’t the first time he’s asking about them. He’s given Carlos the opportunity to have the conversation that they need to have, but Carlos has changed the subject.

Then they run into them. TK is so happy to meet them, and then so instantly crushed when Carlos introduces him as a friend. He’s upset all the way home, and Carlos – for reasons TK doesn’t understand yet – is acting like it’s not a big deal. TK storms out because that’s how he copes with things at this stage in his emotional development, and leaves some hurtful words for Carlos as a parting gift. Not a mature way to handle things, but in a later scene with Owen and Gwyn it’s revealed how hurt TK really is. “I wanted him to tell them who I was and what I mean to him,” TK says, all dejected. “Maybe he did. Maybe we are just friends.” Because Alex also told TK "I love you", and then cheated on him. TK’s lingering Alex trauma bubbles back up; fuck not again, not another man who says ‘I love you’ to my face but then hides me and doesn’t really want forever with me, even though that isn’t really what’s happening with Carlos.

If it wasn’t for Alex, TK probably wouldn’t have been half as upset by any of this and would have been more receptive to hearing an explanation, but Carlos doesn’t know that, so it hurts him anyway.

It’s just such good conflict. They’re both right, and they’re both wrong. They’re both operating from places of extreme hurt that isn’t the other person’s fault, and they’re both operating from places of not understanding the extent of what the other is going through. And in the scene where they make up you can see how much love there is and how much they both really want to understand the other better. It’s such a beautiful way to love someone, to say to each other “let me meet you where you are and love you the way you need to be loved, even if it’s different from how I need to be loved.”

#911 lone star #911 lone star rewatch 2024 #andies annoying character metas

100 notes · View notes

pythoria · 2 months

Text

In light of the new astarion voice lines in reaction to mizora, I think we finally need to put to rest the whole monogamous vs polyam astarion discourse. Here's the thing. Polyamory is never explicitly discussed or negotiated at any point during the astarion romance. You get individual instances of astarion being okay with various things, like a one night stand with the drows or halsin. It's unclear in the coversation about halsin if he's agreeing to a one night stand or a three-way relationship deal, he just gives you a general go ahead to do whatever you want with halsin because he trusts you. But then halsin doesn't stick around at the end of the game, and by the time he leaves he's only ever been with astarion in the context of the drow orgy (which is optional), and only sexually. Halsin is only interested romantically in the player char from what we're shown. Everyone is free to headcanon otherwise or write whatever fics they want, but as long as we're arguing about canon we have to be very specific. Nothing about any of the conversations with astarion suggest polyamory. They might have suggested a sort of open relationship situation before, but now with mizora, we have proof that there was no negotiation or blanket consent given off screen for having sex with other people, and in fact, it hurts astarion deeply to see his partner engage in sex with someone else.

Now, you can argue it's because he didn't consent to it beforehand, fair enough. Let's walk through what that conversation could've looked like, shall we? If you'd have asked him if you can sleep with mizora, he could've either said yes or no, it's pretty straightforward. From how upset he is, and the fact that he doesn't bring up you not getting his approval beforehand, we can infer his answer would've been "no" (because if he would've said yes anyway, you would get the type of reaction you get with ascended astarion, a "next time invite me" type response). So then, why would astarion say no to mizora specifically, if asked? After all, he's presumably okay with meaningless sex, even when he's not involved, because he lets you sleep with one of the drows all by yourself. And presumably he's also okay with it when feelings are involved, if he's truly okay with the halsin arrangement. So what part of sleeping with mizora is different? Why would he suddenly disagree with it if he was previously okay with similar arrangements?

Here's the thing. Astarion says yes to things out of pressure. Obviously he tells you so himself in act 2, "i didn't know how to say no", and that's corroborated by his dead expression during the drow 4/5some. He says yes to things, hates them, and then depending on how violated he feels afterwards, he decides whether or not it's a forgivable transgression on the part of his partner. He HAS to do it after the fact, because prior to it, he doesn't know how he will feel, he doesn't know if something specific is going to be the thing that tips him over. When he says "i didn't know how to say no" in act 2, it's not just that he instantly knew he didn't want to have sex with tav and went along anyway, it's also that he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, and maybe mistakenly believed he could put up with it, until he actually did it. With the drows, the only difference is that he does put up with it, by dissociating. For astarion, something is either too much, or something he can tune out and deal with. He never expresses any "mild" discomfort that you can talk to him about, except for when he's anxious you want to have sex with halsin because he doesn't put out. And even then, there's nothing you can say that will make him disapprove of the halsin thing, short of completely breaking up with him. He voices an insecurity, sure, but even when told that insecurity is legitimate, he still agrees to the halsin situation.

This is why I need everyone to understand, there is no polyam negotiation with astarion, he blanket accepts everything until he snaps, because that's what trauma victims do. I'm not saying this out of a desire to prove astarion is monogamous, either. If the game showed healthy communication about this I wouldn't be here arguing about any of this. Polyamory is valid and can be done in a healthy way, but what you have in the game is not a representation of polyamory, it's a representation of a trauma victim not knowing his own limits and chugging full speed ahead until he snaps. The mizora exchange just cements that further. The roll you have to pass to get him to stay with you isn't "let's discuss boundaries, i didn't know this wasn't allowed", it's "this didn't mean anything". If this man was already okay with meaningless sex on the side, why would you need to convince him of it? All you're doing is manipulating him, and the result of that manipulation isn't even "okay, you can have meaningless sex from now on as long as we talk beforehand", instead, he says he forgives you. There's no implication that this could happen again, if only you have his consent, he just forgives you for this one transgression and agrees to move on. And let me be perfectly clear, I've shipped polyam ships before, I don't have an inherent bias against it. But we all, collectively as a fandom, need to learn to read the room. The signs of discomfort are all there, it doesn't help anyone if we put on horse blinders and ignore them. My only desire is to see astarion interpreted faithfully, not to start or contribute to a war people seem to be having about the validity of polyamory in general or in real life.

So, in conclusion, we need to separate headcanons from canon. Canon is, at best, unclear on what Astarion is comfortable with. It helps no one to act like this is a clear cut issue on either side, but imo it's more harmful to potentially force him into situations he's uncomfortable with than to just let him lead, since he doesn't propose any of these arrangements himself, and never does them for his benefit, only his partner's.

And one last thing. This is not to say "don't do these things because they're bad". They're in the game so you can do them and roleplay however you want. However, we need to be realistic about the kind of characters we're playing. If your tav pressures astarion into these various situations, that's not a good-aligned tav, and that's okay, as long as you're not pretending otherwise. I love an evil durge playthrough as much as the next person, but none of it would be cathartic or fun if the whole time I was under the impression that murder is actually fine and good.

#pythoria.txt #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #baldur's gate iii #bg3 astarion #my analysis #astarion analysis #mizora #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate astarion

133 notes · View notes

itsclydebitches · 1 year

Text

I really want to take a moment to appreciate the conversation between Roy and Trent in 3x02, as a part of Ted Lasso's larger commentary on toxic masculinity.

Because these two are classic nerd/jock archetypes, yeah? (At least on the surface. The fact that they're far more complex than that is kinda the whole point.) Roy Kent is the handsome, talented, scariest motherfucker around, able to treat people like shit and still earn the devotion of the fans because he possesses the coveted Sports Skills. Trent, in contrast, is the queer kid who was never able to participate in sports himself, instead needing to turn to writing about them to find that in. As he tells Ted, for him sport is the metaphor and his words, delivered with an "edgy" style that pulls no punches, defend Trent in a way he's never been able to defend himself physically; they gain respect in a field where he'd otherwise be considered a joke. ("Is this a fucking joke?") Plus, given the implied backgrounds and present day characterization, I don't think it's much of a reach to believe that scathing articles like the one Trent wrote contain a certain amount of bitter satisfaction: Roy is "over-hyped," "mediocre," "disappointing," and driven by "rage." If that doesn't sound like a bullied kid finally getting back at all the jocks Roy represents, I don't know what does.

Notably, they repeat a version of this history during Trent's first week at Richmond. He's easily the most anxious we've ever seen him, jumping at loud noises, hands twitching in his pockets, very self-consciously trying to form a connection with the players and failing miserably. Trent is without his armor now - that of a high-profile journalist, safe behind his cutting words - and he's unable to rebuild any given that he's being denied the chance to write his stories. Why is that the case? Because top dog Roy Kent has decreed that no one talk to him. Now, we know based on Roy's characterization and what's revealed later in the episode that this is done out of a desire to protect his players from the abusive press, but outside of that context this looks a lot like the popular kid playing the part of a bully. Trent is the new kid entering class, being clocked as the outsider, briefly welcomed by someone with no prior bias (Dani)... and then that's shut down real fast from Roy. Funny as Ted Lasso is (and I was legitimately cracking up throughout the episode) there's also something extremely disquieting - in a very familiar way - at watching someone go from, "Hi! :D" to "FUCK YOU!" all on the say-so of someone with a lot of authority and social power. This dynamic continues throughout the whole week, with Trent growing more and more on edge until, finally, he just gives in. When Roy starts popping balloons he doesn't stand up for himself and demand that he share their office respectfully, Trent just tries desperately to ignore the bullying - and it is bullying, given that Roy stops popping the moment Trent leaves - and then quietly runs away, acting apologetic as he goes. When the players refuse to discuss strategy with Trent he tries to leave again, defeated, which is a far cry from the doggedly confident reporter who would wait for Jamie after practice. Woven among the humor, Trent is at his most vulnerable here, looking more and more like the victim in a hostile, traditionally masculine space.

Of course, given that this is Ted Lasso, the situation is far more complex than just, "Bullies exist and that's #bad." The locker room scene is initially set up to look that way, in large part because it takes place in a locker room/bathroom. AKA, two spaces where bullying tends to occur unimpeded - and we've already seen that in Ted Lasso back when Nate was the underdog, cowering before the rest of the Richmond team. Roy's control over the group is so complete that no one dares challenge his order to ignore Trent (except, of course, Ted himself. The guy who sparked Roy's growth from the get-go) even though the group is clearly very relieved when the ban is lifted. Roy screams at Trent, making him jump, and orders him into the semi-privacy of the showers. It speaks volumes to me that Ted feels the need to give a reassuring nod and that Trent clearly needed it because, again, outside of the fact that they're both obviously adults now and that on a surface level this moment is meant to make us laugh, this is all very reminiscent of the bully pulling the nerdy kid somewhere where he can hurt him without consequence, all while everyone sits there and watches, not really wanting it to happen, but not willing to stop it either. Everything from the setting, to Trent's defensive body language, to Roy pushing the wallet against his chest in a move reminiscent of the classic shove to start off a beating, all of it heavily implies that kind of bully/victim dynamic.

But, as said, it's not that simple. Because Roy isn't the bully here and Trent, crucially, isn't just the victim. The scene goes on to reveal that Trent is the one who has caused Roy harm, by printing a unnecessarily cruel article when he was just seventeen years old. (A revelation that pairs very nicely with his introduction this season - "Love that" - reminding us that just because Trent approves of others standing up to bullies doesn't mean he's never been one.) That was a decision that "wrecked" a young Roy, to the extent that he kept that quote in his wallet for years, only now reaching a point where he can admit how much that hurt him. Trent's explanation is understandable given his heavily implied backstory. Not that he was trying to build his career, but that he would do so by "seeing the worst in people" and hurting them first before they could hurt him. Roy was right all the way back in Season One, Trent is a colossal prick... but that's likely because others were colossal pricks to him first. Here then, we see that cycle of abuse once more, the same one Nate is currently trapped in. The difference, however, is that when Ted says, 'Your ego is hurting us, Roy' Roy listens and when Roy says, 'You really hurt me, Trent' Trent listens, and the three of them together put a stop to the cycle then and there. Trent apologizes. Roy forgives him. Roy lifts the ban and by the end of the episode they've reached a place where they can speak honestly with one another. Not just about Roy's feelings - which is a HUGE thing for him to make Trent privy to - but about the complexities of Trent's career too. We've already seen that balancing the truth with compassion is fine line for him to walk - as evidenced by him texting Ted, but still publishing his article about the panic attacks; leaving his job, but still sniffing out the Richmond story - but here we get the reversal of that. Trent has already said, 'I'm working on emphasizing the ethics of my profession' and now Roy comes in with 'I'm working to admit that a cruel article isn't necessarily an inaccurate one.' He did play like shit at Chelsea and though Trent didn't need to break the spirit of a seventeen year old, the players do need to come to terms with the fact that they're in a high profile career where everyone is judging their performance (something Ted himself is all too aware of). This is the kind of nuanced understanding that's only possible post-apology/forgiveness, wherein the story has reminded us, 'Victims are capable of becoming bullies themselves and they need to own up to their actions just as much as they deserve an apology themselves.'

All of which is REALLY important for the framing of Nate's arc because he is in Trent's position, poised somewhere between victim and bully. It's obvious the ways in which Nate was a victim of the Richmond team, of his father, and even of the public, but it's significant that he's still a victim even as he now consciously hurts others too. Rebecca had a long speech this episode about how charming Rupert is, how he'll pursue you and in the process make you feel like you're the most important person in the world, someone chosen... and though she was talking about Zava, all I could think about was Nate. He's still being charmed and wooed by Rupert, what with the compliments and the new car, but all of it comes with reminders that he's worthless without that approval (surely a cleaning lady must have parked there...). Rupert is the top dog at the moment, his oh so benevolent popularity extending to Nate, encouraging him to model that behavior in order to keep his interest... but inevitably Rupert will toss him aside, just like he did with Rebecca. He'll become bored and Nate will have to grapple with the fact that, in his effort to avoid being a victim, he became the bully instead, just like Trent had. Rebecca is waiting to help Nate understand the ways in which Rupert can demolish your sense of self-worth. Trent is waiting to help Nate understand how to own up to your mistakes. And of course, there's Ted Lasso in the wings, the American outsider who can offer a much needed, compassionate perspective on the whole of it - as well as some personal insight into panic attacks during interviews. The entirety of the Richmond community, thematically, is being built into a reflection of Nate's struggle; a collection of experiences and wisdom and kind-hearted insight that can help him if (when!) he chooses to accept it.

#Ted Lasso #Ted Lasso spoilers #Trent Crimm #Nate Shelley #mymetas

432 notes · View notes

mastersoftheair · 2 months

Note

So just to clear the air (and I guess my massive confusion) Harry never slept with Sandra, correct? I gotta say I need to read his memoir at this point as he is so intriguing to me, as well as masters of the air book, but like you said it’s a “blink and miss it” thing. I didn’t interpret it as anything more than having a few friendly conversations. It was more about emotional infidelity to me than physical, but given the circumstances and that exact heartbreaking point in time for Harry I can’t find it in me to blame either of them.

for me, ig i'm coming at my position from a place of bias. i'd read crosby's "a wing and a prayer" sometime in either 2021 or 2022 (those years blend together tbh), so i've had a lot of time to think about those 2 and their relationship and i lean towards "yeah, it likely happened" (this is a long response btw bc i'm quoting from the memoir):

crosby introduces his new friend, alexandra "landra" wingate (aka sandra westgate), in the chapter "learning about americans from the british" (this chapter was basically what we see in episode 6). moving on from this tho–

in the chapter "with landra in london", he expands on their growing relationship and the reader learns more about landra (she is genuinely Such an interesting person, and probably a spy). crosby writes about her with such admiration, regularly bringing up how smart she is. also, she's a captain!

this chapter's pretty important in how i formed my opinion on the matter. i understand the argument that the closeness of their relationship was intentionally left vague, but this chapter reads in a way that makes it feel Heavily implied despite not saying a lot (especially alongside crosby's emphasis on his wife jean being "four thousand miles away", as well as his own loneliness and despair wrt to all the missing and dead). there are some standout lines here:

-"I had Jean at home and Landra in England." (not a red flag, but it's a flag) -"I started seeing Landra every time I could." (cool) -"All I knew was that [Landra] was making my life much more endurable." (also cool) -"I did not tell Jean about Landra." (the last sentence of the chapter. it gave me pause and almost instantly reshaped the way i viewed that whole chapter)

the next chapter, "r&r with jean", crosby recalls how much the war took a toll on both him and his relationships. for a time, jean wrote more letters to croby than the other way around ("I began to skip writing to her."). i assume crosby must've been radiating Exceptionally negative energy bc he gets told this: "Croz, we can't stand to have you around. We want you back, but we want you to go home for a while." (i found the phrasing here really funny tbh. your vibes Suck! just Get Out of here!!)

so, crosby contemplates seeing jean again, wondering how both of them may have changed. he also brings up landra, for Some Reason: "What would I think of her? Protected in the States as she was, how would she compare to Landra? Now that I had grown so much, had such experiences, how would Jean and I fit together?"

the rest of the chapter Is about meeting and catching up with jean, however, and you can tell that he loves her a Ton. it's very sweetly written (he also basically ends the chapter saying "btw, we conceived our first child ;) ")

the final chapter about landra is "london junket" which begins with "When I returned from the United States and my idyll with Jean, I knew I had to do something about Landra." i think that sentence alone is pretty damning. if landra was just a friend, why would you be anxious about calling a friendship off? is it a guilt thing?

the context here is that crosby feels Far less lonely and depressed. he's met up with jean, life in london is finally "a delight". i found that important bc it gives me the impression that crosby desperately wanted companionship (possibly of two kinds), and he found that in landra– a friend and a maybe a [REDACTED]. now that he's having a great time with his friends in the 100th And he's met up with his wife, that itch's been scratched (that's just my opinion tho). bc of that, he decides to say goodbye to landra. they have this exchange:

"When a month passed after you were to return, and you did not phone me," she said, "I suspected that it was over. You found things good with Jean?" I told her about R&R in the U.S. I told her more about Jean. I told her about Stephen Patrick, Jeffrey Allen, or Evalyn. "When I realized you were gone," she said, "I no longer said no to a nice American at my office. I have been with him several times. I like him." (interesting) "I’m glad." (also interesting) "He is not married, He is not so dashing as you, but we have good times together." Me "dashing"? That was not my self-image. So much for Landra."

all put together (and with over 2 years to think about it), i Really kinda saw That Scene coming. but, like i said, i had that bias. and since i'd had a good amount of time to think about them, i came out the other end still excited to see them on screen. i found (and still find) landra a fascinating woman who must've had an exciting life (crosby's okay too ig lol). i also see them as a couple of imperfect, even selfish, 20somethings (speaking as an imperfect and selfish 20something). not to be corny, but "it takes 2 to tango". landra is Very intelligent, and crosby recounts how that aspect of hers left him in awe. she'd've 100% known the guy was married. and if signs point to her having had sex with the man, then she either made peace with it or simply didn't care (a lot of women are like that). plus, they're real people and real people contain multitudes idk. maybe some wife somewhere across the atlantic is hard to care about if you've never met her and never will. maybe it's hard to consider your wife's feelings in the midst of your own misery. a female character doesn't have to be wholesome and pure to be considered well-written. that certainly doesn't apply to most male characters. like you said, no one is perfect!

maybe, crosby left it vague out of respect to his wife. maybe it's vague bc nothing happened anyway (funny way to write it tho). maybe the wingate family wanted to avoid association with MotA bc it Literally didn't happen. or maybe they know it happened, but want to keep her name clean out of respect (who wants one brief relationship that happened 80 yrs ago to define you/your loved one decades later? that's 100% understandable). whichever the case, even crosby's kids are in a 50/50 split. i still lean towards "it happened", but it doesn't make me dislike either of them. they're flawed and i can respect that more than the show portraying either as picture perfect.

NONE of this is to say that i'm cool with cheating (or giving a "world war cheating pass", so to speak). while i find it realistic, it still wouldn't have been fair to jean, whether she knew about it or not (being a woman in the 1940s wasn't easy by any stretch). this Also isn't to dismiss anyone else's opinion on the matter, bc cheating on your partner is still a shitty thing to do. this whole spiel of mine is bc i like to share my opinions and i'm allergic to being concise. i write like i talk and on all levels except physical, anon, i'm giving you a long-winded rant over coffee and croissants lol

thanks for the ask!

#you can see why this needed a 'keep reading' lol i have Thoughts on the matter #masters of the air #hbo war #asks #book #harry crosby #landra wingate #sandra westgate #it either happened or it didn't. it is what it is!#if i'm annoyed at anything it's at the thought that sandra's character has been diminished or ruined in any capacity #she's a captain and a possible spy during ww2! she's Easily one of the best characters on an hbo war show Periodt!#(i would've said 'one of the best female characters' but lmao that isn't saying much there's like less than 10 of note)#also- croz is an awkward navigator who vomits on the job. he's Good at his job but he's kind of loser-adjacent #in conclusion- i'm not broken up about it

30 notes · View notes

flora-tea · 10 months

Text

Update [8/6/2023] I decided to keep this post up despite originally feeling slightly insecure/uncertain about it. I was incredibly pleasantly surprised by all the positive attention it got! I also decided to update & polish it up a bit. Thank you all again sm! 💚

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

Some random rambling about part of my arospec awakening journey, because why not? xD

I was inspired by an aro poll related to aro peoples' feelings on romance. This is, in a way, my long-winded indirect way of answering the poll. I apologize for the length but I hope some can possibly relate to my experience!

One of several things I've fully realized & embraced about myself pretty recently is being on both the ace and aro spectrums. I also realized I tend to flux through feelings of being romance-neutral/indifferent, romance-averse, and romance-repulsed.

I'm averse-leaning in relation to myself and often find myself indifferent-to-repulsed in relation to others/fiction. For fiction in particular things get especially funky. Oftentimes, my feelings on romance and how I feel when seeing it can be pretty complicated and ambivalent!

For instance, I can appreciate and at times even feel warm fuzzies at thinking about or seeing affectionate gestures & intimacy commonly perceived as romantic (like kissing, [mutual] flirting, cuddling, slow-dancing, going on dates, lingering touches, holding hands, etc. {which btw, we as a society really need to normalize these things being seen in relationships outside romantic ones}) However, if a romantic relationship/attraction is the context and my brain is aware of that, that's when the apathy-to-discomfort feelings start creeping up on me. These feelings & their levels can also sometimes depend on the day or context, which is difficult to explain even to myself x'D

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

For a long time, I've often felt either apathetic or weirdly uncomfy upon hearing folks talk about their romantic relationships, whether irl or fictional. This was and still is especially felt if the people or characters are romantically engaged or married, as my mind has an especially uncomfortable relationship with marriage. I found I'd often experience the same feelings when seeing intimacy in a fully romantic context. I’d feel happy for them sure, but experienced an either empty or not-so-nice feeling gnawing at me. I couldn’t define it for the longest time (and just recently was able to realize what was going on, and was able to stop shoving it down or ignoring it).

For so long, I wondered if it was jealousy. Yet, during the very few romantic experiences I’ve had in my life, things felt pretty good and right until romantically dating/a romantic relationship was actually being established or in the conversation; then I'd start to feel progressively detached and anxious. And yet, I would sometimes still cling and push due to wanting to be desired affectionately. I chased what I was convinced was a love and yearning for romance. But deep down, I longed for days of being close and affectionate but in a more platonic or even ambiguous context, and I’d think “Maybe we moved into this too fast…”, even if I’d known & hung out with the person for years and even if things were going well. I also struggled to imagine myself in a lasting romantic relationship. I began sometimes wondering if something was wrong with me or if I "just had commitment issues".

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

A weird thing is (not weird in general as peoples’ feelings can be fluid/change over time!), I thought I loved romance for so long. I felt I loved the idea of romance for myself and in fiction/media. I even had favorite ships growing up and was a big shipper in general. Even so, looking back, the vibe I imagined was always primarily 'affectionate besties' and I often imagined the characters describing themselves as best friends and emphasis being put on their friendship, even while imagining them sharing gestures typically perceived as romantic. But I’d always feel progressively apathetic or averse after/if a romantic ship became canon. And when reading romantic fics (usually slow-burns), I’d love it up to the point characters established a fully romantic relationship; then I’d often start to feel detached. I never understood why. It was always so strange to me how my feelings changed.

*Additionally, when it comes to fiction/media;

Characters touching foreheads, holding hands, hugging, or dancing together always made me feel so much more joyous excitement compared to any [romantic] kissing scene

I always felt notably happy and cozy if characters continued referring to each other as friends/best friends after kissing or cuddling or anything else affectionate that folks tend to put in the "romance" box.

I liked when characters had what people call "romantic tension" or moments but the relationship remained considered platonic or ambiguous.

I liked when people described characters as having a "'romantic' friendship" before I even knew much about types of relationships

The only times I've felt any sort of joy and no discomfort in relation to the concept of marriage were if it was a mutual 'pretend marriage' trope between friends or done for any mutually non-romantic reasons (& if the concept of marriage is treated lightheartedly).

I often thought or felt the least about song lyrics with love songs, or I'd imagine the lyrics to be about best friends instead. (lately, I've found queerplatonic-ing love songs in my head to be surprisingly comforting)

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

Several things clicked and then hit me like a train after I was inspired to read more about the aromantic spectrum and discovered the existence of relationship anarchy and Queerplatonic relationships and tertiary attractions, and after I finally became aware of the Amatonormativity that was drilled into my mind since childhood.

I realized how amatonormative phrases like “just friends” and “more than friends” and “finding ‘the one’ someday” chained relationships to a hierarchy & continuously shoved into my brain this idea that romance was ‘the ultimate relationship’, that it was ‘the strongest/closest relationship a person could have’, that a relationship needed to be a romantic relationship for there to be intimacy/affection, that ‘being in love’ could only happen with romantic attraction, that a romantic relationship was ‘the goal’, that having (a) partner(s) was only possible with a romantic relationship, that romance was 'the ultimate devotion'. The amatonormativity constantly shoved onto us by society skewed my views on intimacy and relationships (and myself) for so long, as I know it does for so many people. To acknowledge that and contemplate on my realizations, to unlearn those mentalities, and to learn about the vast diversity of feelings and relationships and possibilities/options that exist, was freeing.

I also had an epiphany that brought me so much clarity: All this time, it wasn’t really romance I wanted/loved, it was love and affection and closeness in general, especially outside of romance intention/context.

Additionally, over time, I realized that what I want for myself isn’t to have a romantic relationship again, but I do love the thought of being in a Queerplatonic Relationship someday.

I also realized that overall, I feel most comfy with the idea affection/intimacy in tertiary attraction contexts (like platonic, queerplatonic, alterous, and nebulous/ambiguous)

With reality and fiction, the thought of intimately affectionate besties who'd confuse the heck out of much of our society brings me joy. I'd love to see more of that in the world, and perhaps experience it myself someday 💚

#long post #personal ramble #arospec #oriented aroace #aromantic #aspec #tertiary attraction #alterous #demialterous #bialterous #queer #amatonormativity = blegh ew 👎#romance-ambivalent #romance-repulsed #romance-averse

36 notes · View notes

transgenderteensurvivalguide · 1 year

Note

I'm here for advice. I met a girl recently and I thought she was an amazing friend but then I found out she deadnames her transgender classmate whenever the two of them argue.

For context, his deadname is Alice and his name is Alec.

She will call him Alice and when he points it out she goes "no, I said Alec." And like... Gaslights? Him.

I'm genderfluid and I'm now terrified to tell her because of this.

What do I do in this situation????

Lee says:

For future reference, you don't need to tell us (or anyone) what your classmate's deadname is.

In this example, you could just tell us "His chosen name sounds similar to his deadname" if that's the context that you're trying to provide in explaining the situation at hand. You don't need to disclose the specific names!

To answer your question-- I would recommend speaking with this girl outside of the classroom when it's just the two of you alone and there isn't an audience (putting people on the spot in front of their peers can make them feel anxious and defensive) and explain that you've noticed her behavior and don't think that it's okay.

You want to have a conversation about the issue during a calm moment when she's not currently arguing with this classmate. And you want to be clear about why deadnaming someone isn't okay to do-- she might not understand how deeply it can wound someone!

Here's some dialogue that you could think about modifying to prepare for a talk with her:

"I know that we've recently met, but I really value our friendship. That's why I'm surprised that you tend to use [Chosen name's] deadname when you two argue. I noticed that you don't slip up and deadname him at other times which leads me to believe that you're intentionally using his deadname during arguments to hurt him. You might think that deadnaming him only affects him, but it's bigger than that. Intentionally deadnaming someone could make other trans people in the room terrified to come out to you because deadnaming a trans person shows that you don't respect trans identities in general. That's why I'm not comfortable being friends with someone who would intentionally misgender a transgender person. I'd like to think that you're not a transphobic person-- in fact, I know that you're better than that. You've been an amazing friend to me and I don't want our friendship to end, so I hope that you will be more careful about using [Chosen name's] deadname going forward, even when things get heated and you want to lash out and fight back."

When I was in high school, I came out to some classmates. A few of those classmates told their parents, and one of those parents told my parents. And then I was outed to my parents.

If you're not sure that this new friend is someone who you can safely come out to, I'd wait to come out to her until you're 100% sure that she will not tell anyone.

So if you aren't sure yet, and you aren't ready for the world to know that you're genderfluid, don't tell this girl yet. She might tell someone else, and that person could tell someone else, and then the whole school would know. If your safety is on the line, waiting to disclose your identity is a good idea.

All that said, I would also recommend intervening in the moment if your friend deadnames your classmate and you witness it occur. So you should address it preemptively, but also speak up if it happens again.

You might want to practice coming up with a few sentences and approaches to correct her on her use of his deadname and/or offer support to the trans classmate who is being targeted.

I know it can be uncomfortable to insert yourself into an argument, especially if you don't even agree with this guy or like him, but nobody deserves to be deadnamed, even the worst jerks in the school.

Practicing the interaction in advance and even writing down what you might say will help to prepare you to stand up for this classmate because it's very easy to panic in the moment and not speak up even when you think what someone is doing is wrong.

Bystander intervention is important because it'll let this classmate know that he isn't alone, someone else noticed it happening even if she denied doing it afterward, and it can help redirect her so she doesn't continue doing it.

Finally, take care of yourself! It sucks to be closeted, it sucks to have to witness someone be transphobic, it sucks when you find out that someone you trusted and cared about is transphobic, and it sucks to have to stand up for a classmate and defend them against the transphobia while pretending that it doesn't affect you and you aren't hurting too.

You're doing a good thing by addressing the transphobia, but that doesn't make it easy. It can be emotionally taxing to confront someone, so yeah, something that to take care of yourself too, whether it's going on a run or talking to a friend or making some art, do something active that will take your mind off of it and let you de-stress a bit.

Followers, what would you recommend that anon say to their friend or say to their classmate to intervene during an argument where their classmate is being misgendered?

#Lee says #deadnaming #class #school #dialogue #scripts #scripting #transphobia #friends #friend #friendships

61 notes · View notes

uefb · 1 year

Note

Why do you think there’s a pattern of Theseus being abusive/overly aggressive in Fantastic Beasts fanfic? It’s been driving me up the wall trying to find Newt and Theseus fanfic that doesn’t make them OOC especially Theseus, and idk, in the context of Newt being Autistic I find it disturbing. Like sure, Theseus is hot-headed and loses his temper, he doesn’t always understand Newt, but those traits seem overtly exaggerated in a lot of fandom content.

Obsessed with this ask. I have been thinking about it all day, and am just now getting to write it up! Thinking about it in the background of my statistics class almost singularly got me through its sensory and anxiety hell. /sweat-laugh emoji/ So thank you!

Please remember, all of this is based on my own perspectives, knowledge, and headcanons, as well as canon clues. Nothing here is definitive and is open for respectful conversation! (Not directed specifically at you, salamander, just since this is a public blog I like to cover my bases. ^_^)

Buckle up: major autistic info dump incoming

Alright, so, my initial thoughts are that...

Obviously, there was a decent chunk of Newt fic written between 2016 and 2018 before CoG came out, that first film where we really got to see Theseus as a character, for who he really is (especially since they cut that letter from him to Newt at beginning of FBWTFT, that starts with "little brother," which is just pretty endearing). IMHO, this two-year gap means people had a wide open playing field to build the character themselves. Here's a few thoughts on that:

The framework for the entire Wizarding World, narratively, is the Harry Potter series. Boy wizard, shunned by family, isolated from socialization -- Outcasts have always been the backbone of She-who-must-not-be-named's stories. It's compelling. We love it, we lap it up. With only one FB film out before 2018 and Newt being such a unique protagonist, I think it's likely people fell back on the more typical Harry-Dudley trope to create a compelling backstory for Newt, using that tried-and-true fantasy Cinderella-type trope.

Second, from what I can tell, there was a lot less serious consideration of Newt actually being autistic in the early years of the fandom. (I only "joined" relatively recently myself, despite going to the first 2 movies on opening day, but I'm nothing if not fastidious in consuming every scrap of historical content when I develop a new interest, lol.) I've read pages of threads and plenty of "think pieces" attributing Newt's behavior to trauma-related social anxiety and/or his profession as a magizoologist. I absolutely buy the latter (adjusting body language for one's profession), but not entirely the former. (Personally, Newt doesn't strike me as an inherently anxious person--he strikes me as an inherently autistic one who also sometimes experiences anxiety. Discomfort and anxiety aren't the same thing, but people often conflate them, imho.) Anyway, THAT BEING SAID, I've noticed in quite a few fics that people write Theseus as being part of that implied social trauma, via sibling bullying that rises beyond typical sibling harassment. People perhaps tried to explain Newt's behavior by making him, at the very least, overshadowed by Theseus (and ashamed of it) or, at the very worst, abused and/or neglected by his family.

Also, quite simply: people process their own family trauma via fic. I think it's highly likely Theseus just served a sibling or parental role for some people in stories. (The abundance of abusive!Thranduil fic in the LotR fandom in the early 00s is another example of this.) Nothing wrong with using fic to process feelings and life experiences (god knows I do, it's horrifically obvious and always has been lmao), but this bulletpoint is still one explanation for the pre-CoG "Theseus being a dick in fic" phenomenon.

Plus, fanfic doesn't occur in a vacuum. Even when new canon info comes out, existing fic and whatever the going/contemporary fanon is often impact how new writers write their characters, even post-CoG. (And how those characterizations are received by the larger fandom--that reception may subsequently impact how writers maintain or change their characters in the future, imho.)

As for the current reasons Theseus is often OOC in post-CoG fic...

Well, I have my theories, but I am also not entirely sure. However, I feel pretty confident it has to do, primarily, with points 1 and 4.

Leta Lestrange and the Scamander Brothers - Honestly, I think people likely are pretty offended on Newt's behalf for the Leta/Theseus marriage. In mainstream media, we're kind of trained to think that dating your friend's ex is ultimate betrayal--it's difficult for people to imagine a world in which a person who marries their brother's ex is a good person. (...I was once in a friend group where we had all dated the same girl at some point, but we were all either ridiculously honest or autistic so we just--wait for it--talked about it and moved on.) That being said, I never read Leta & Newt as overtly romantic (then again, I also didn't know Bunty liked Newt until the 4th time I watched CoG), so I don't entirely get this one to the degree that I think some people viscerally feel this. But I expect some people see that and assume it says something much larger about Theseus' character than it does. (I do think it says a lot about Theseus that he loves Leta, but I don't think it says the same things about him that some other people do -- I think it speaks more to his similarities to Newt [compassion and positive outlook] than it does to stealing Newt's Hogwarts sweetheart. But I digress.)

Something Did Happen at Some Point - Now, there is undeniably a distance between the brothers that we, as viewers, don't necessarily know the origin of. (So I think I may have mentioned in my letters that [my brother & I] have quite a complicated relationship. // Does he want to kill you? // Frequently.) Have they always been like that? Is it new? Is it because of the age difference? Because they have different personalities? (Though I will argue until I'm blue in the face that they're actually extraordinarily similar people, at their cores.) Is it because Newt got expelled, or because Theseus scooped up Leta, or because Theseus expresses emotion through touch & Newt jerks away from touch he doesn't initiate himself, or because because because because because? I don't know. But there is something there and, based on the "complicated relationship" comment, it sounds like it is something that likely developed over time. So imho - I think some people see that and just lean in way too hard. Like, pedal to the medal, 0 to 60 too hard.

Theseus is Snarky to Newt on Multiple Occasions - Mostly based around how Newt directs his life, carries himself, etc etc. For example, it would be easy to take that whole scene before and after Newt's travel hearing in CoG and assume Theseus is an overprotective, condescending, and ableist prick. But if we look below the surface (and the stage directions in the screenplay help, too. When he says "maybe a little less... / like me. / well, it can't hurt" the instructions say 'not without fondness', or something like that), it's pretty glaringly obvious he doesn't mean to be that way. Even condescending behaviors usually have causal correlates, even if we can't see them on the surface. (Believe me -- and this is something we both touched on in DMs, salamander, I'm just repeating for the sake of the ask -- well-meaning pep talks and encouragement can still drip with condescension when loved ones think you need guidance because they "love you and know better " and you're just too autistic or too idealistic or too naive or whatever.) Ultimately, whether due to a failure to approach these snarky exchanges with grace and nuance, or because it can make a good fic to put brothers at odds, IDK -- but I expect this particular point plays into some people's decisions to interpret Theseus in a way I view as OOC.

Ease of Narrative ~ Nuance is hard - I mean, this one explains itself. Writing characters in a nuanced manner that allows digging into the messy horrible confusion of relationships--embedded as they are within families and societies and personal & general history--is not easy. It takes not only patience and significant effort as a writer, but it also takes a degree of self-awareness and maturity that we all reach at different points. I'm not there yet myself (there's no real arrival -- life's not a perfect graph), but still: My fic writing is very different now at 32 (with 14 years of 'adulthood' and 12 years of therapy under my belt) than it was when I was writing about adults when I was 15. (And, yes, I still have my first posted HP fic up on MuggleNet and FFnet, so you don't just have to take my word for it lmao.) To be very clear, this isn't me being ageist or whatever: I'm just saying that I often get the sense while reading fic where Theseus is reallllly overly aggressive that the writer is sometimes either very new to creative writing (and good for them! we love new writers! keep writing, lovelies!), or else quite young, and thus still acquiring life experience that is going to improve their work as they age, every single day.**

Sibling Experience - Not having personal or narrative experience with an age gap like Newt and Theseus have. I'm an older sibling by 7.5 years, which is close to Theseus & Newt's age difference. I basically half-raised my younger brother, so I have a real soft spot for that kind of sibling relationship, which comes across in most of my fics (LotR & FB). It's hard to imagine the sort of borderline sibling-parental love, responsibility, and anxiety that can permeate those kind of relationships if you haven't experienced or seen it represented in media yourself. This is just a theory, of course---I have no actual data on this being actually related to his OOCness.

What else? What do you or others think?

Final very random thought

I also think a lot of people forget that autism runs in families. So yes, Theseus doesn't always "get" Newt (god, no, lol) and he doesn't have guidance on what to do when he doesn't, but it is highly unlikely he hasn't seen behavior similar to Newt's before, whether in a parent or cousins, an aunt/uncle or something else. People *also* tend to forget, IMHO, that subclinical traits are often present in direct family members of an autistic person--Theseus' rigid thinking, for example, isn't necessarily "autistic", but he may get Newt better than people think for certain reasons we never have an opportunity to see in the script. (Not that the movies are paying *that* much attention to the actual research or autism presentations lmao, but I'm just saying it is a possibility). Being able to relate to a smaller version of someone's struggles can simultaneously make one both a better support and a worse one in a lot of ways. (And certain autistic traits can even rub up against each other poorly in different people--I have a few acquaintances that rub me the wrong way because our "symptoms" manifest in very different ways and their natural behavior triggers some of my own sensory issues or overdeveloped sense of justice or whatever. Conversely, my ADHD tendency to be 20 minutes late to every hang gives one of my autistic friends a panic attack every time -- I feel terrible, but all we can both do is try to adjust the behavior around our symptoms. And sometimes the same traits--firmly held beliefs, for example--bump into each other explosively, which I have experienced in fandom myself: two autistic people w diametrically opposing views interacting, but because we process information in similar ways even with very different perspectives, no progress can be made before someone shuts down.) BUT I BRING THIS UP BECAUSE, I do think it's possible to headcanon that some of Newt and Theseus' conflict (which does exist) could even be rooted in differing forms of neurodivergence or presentation of subclinical symptoms.

The world is a big place and there's so many possibilities. These are just some of my thoughts on why Theseus is often portrayed in a way I find to be OOC!

Asterisked footnote under cut -

**I'm trying to convey what Sandra Cisneros does much better in her short story "Eleven." That we, all of us, carry our entire lives and what we have seen inside of us at all times, and I think that's what we bring to our writing.

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven. Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three. Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.

#answered asks #salamanderscamander #apologies in advance for any typos #anyone can reblog but i ask that you do so with good intentions and respectfully communicate #:)#boundary: i am not open to having discussions about my continued participation in the fantastic beasts fandom - thank you #fantastic beasts #newt scamander #theseus scamander #autistic newt scamander #big brother theseus scamander #scamander brothers #fb fandom #fantastic beasts fanfic #fantastic beasts headcanons #fantastic beasts meta #long post #also i'm sorry for using so much medical model terminology -- i'm in a human dev phd program and my vocabulary is a horrific mezcla of #self-advocacy language & research language - its not ideal i know

41 notes · View notes

fountainpenguin · 7 months

Note

I love your exploration of Minecraft mechanics in pixel imperfect it's so clever and they all make sense I want to microwave it all in my brain lskekeke is there any mechanics you have thought of but haven't had a chance to put it in a fic yet?

Thank you so much <3 I worked really hard on my worldbuilding and I'm so happy with how it came together. My strengths are in magical realism, bizarre twists and turns to attempt canon compliancy, and incredible commitment to the bit sldkfj. I'm really enjoying writing for this world and I can't wait to do more.

[ Pixels Imperfect series on AO3 for context ]

#Dog's Life spoilers + minor spoilers for Criminal Experience, but the tags probably hinted at it anyway.

---

Here's some stuff I haven't had the chance to delve into yet:

Soul Traits Flaring On When Flustered - I've shown Etho going into his fox traits a couple times in Dog's Life Chapter 8 (talking to Lizzie about feelings) and in "Canadian Idiot" (chewing on Joel's hand to reduce aggro urges, anxious about getting caught). His soul tail comes out and his soul ears go up. Joel's firefly soul traits also went up when he was scared during his fight with Etho in the latter story.

Usually soul traits come out under the mob-strengthening glow of the full moon. They'll also pop out when you're really flustered, startled, alert... etc. And since player souls were synced up in Double Life, that means we get gems like:

I'm working on a Traffictober piece about that actually, where Grian slips into his parrot mindset and his influence over the soul wings is so strong that every flap knocks Scar over and he keeps tripping and fumbling while fleeing mobs, so Scar's just having a great day of feeling loved and remembered all around <3

Shower Houses - It's been hinted in Dog's Life, but Grian's the only one in the New Star Station portal hub who showers regularly. Pixel people don't sweat or collect a lot of stink, so they only wash when they need to deliberately remove dirt or mods or something. Grian just washes out of habit.

People wash so rarely that there are public shower houses in New Star Station because they weren't built directly into the apartments. This is also why there have been two private conversations in Dog's Life that were held in the shower house... it's just a convenient place to go where most people don't hang out.

Onsen - This one got hinted in "Canadian Idiot," but it's funny to me... Bdubs keeps inviting Etho to the onsen. In the Pix Impf universe, you can take your skin off to show your soul underneath (so you're considerably more undressed than if you'd just pulled your regular clothes off). Bdubs and Martyn, who are both huge fans of souls, enjoy going to the onsen. Etho, who does not change his skin, keeps turning them down. Although maybe someday, because that would be a fun one-shot.

I also want to point out that most of the coupons Etho keeps on his apartment counter are fake. Bdubs makes them for him because Etho has a shopping addiction and hoards them, but... they don't have a firm currency system in New Star Station because they live in a perimeter sealed in bedrock. Bdubs just makes them because Etho likes them and sometimes he can sway Etho to do stuff with him because "Your coupons are about to expire."

Testing Positive - Tango's wife once said she "tested positive" with no context and Grian congratulated her on her pregnancy... not realizing she meant she got whitelisted on a server. It was very awkward for him. Grian fumbles around with a lot of the vocab in the Pix Impf universe but he does his best.

Soul Slots - This one came up in Criminal Experience, but hasn't shown up in anything else yet. The Between dimension's gimmick is all about souls, and in that dimension, you get one "soul slot" you can equip items to. This item will teleport to you when you move a chunk away and it will even follow you when you respawn.

Impulse has a soup thermos equipped to his soul slot. He decorates it in stickers. Every time it regenerates, it respawns with a new type of soup. Also he uses it to take out traps because he'll just hurl the thermos at things and it's big and metal and if it's open then it's full of hot soup and no one ever expects to get clonked on the head with it and it's funny to me. Sir he is literally just a guy.

In Crim, he told Mumbo he carries another thermos that's full of souls. In modern times [Crim is set about 1,000 years before Dog's Life], Impulse does favor the soul thermos over the soup one. He can't risk moving far from it, though, because it'll reset to empty if he's a chunk away from it.

Grian's Watcher Status - It is canon in Grian's lore that he became a Watcher when he left EVO; it was his way of stepping back from the series. I don't draw from Martyn's personal Eyes and Ears lore though because I wanted to put my own spin on it. In my 'verse, the Grian who was born in the Pixels Imperfect universe got swapped with the Grian who was born in my Neighborhood Watch universe, so they're both socially awkward as they fumble around each other's worlds.

[ This is also why in my image above, Grian has purple soul traits instead of blue. In the NW universe, Grian's the only one who bleeds blue instead of purple... Soul swap ]

In Dog's Life, we've seen Grian struggle his way through conversations, most recently in Chapter 11 when he kept insisting to Joel that Hermes is "just an armor stand" (while we were in Joel's POV and could clearly see that Hermes was walking around like a functioning person).

Also, Skizz literally registers as a massive jumble of code in Grian's eyes and he can only see him when he's looking at his reflection. Most of the modded players are hazy to him (Joel and Jimmy aren't much because their physical forms are still close to their soul forms, but BigB's pretty blurry). Skizz is the worst because his transition from enderman to angel is so extreme and he's got hundreds of mods on at all times. Skizz looks like a biblically accurate angel but only Grian knows it. Impulse may be just a guy but Skizz is just a winged, flaming wheel.

Grian can sort of force his vision to a lower level, which lets him see Skizz clearly enough that he can see something Skizz is holding or wearing, but it takes effort so he's gotten used to having a friend who's just... a living alphabet tornado. Grian has a very hard time fighting Skizz head on- he'll blink and shake his head and falter a lot unless he takes the time to adjust his eyes, and even then it takes a lot of his energy. He'll usually back off when he's going head to head with Skizz.

Server Defaults - By default, servers are set so that everyone has their hybrid traits and hybrid abilities (Ex: Skizz may be a modded angel, but he has an enderman soul and natural silk touch).

Server admins can adjust that, however, and scale those down or disable them almost completely (i.e. setting a server to vanilla rules, which puts everyone on an equal playing field with minor exceptions. Using Skizz as an example again, on a scaled-down server, water would still be very hot to him, but it wouldn't leave burns on his skin).

Between is a soul-themed dimension, so you're stuck with traits and can't toggle them off. Some people like to play on servers with the default settings turned up to max. There are definitely days the crew just romps around and plays with their full traits out and they just straight-up fight "all natural" because it's fun, but that's very low-stakes.

They don't do that in the Life series. Even though it's meant to be chaotic fun, it wouldn't be possible for some players. Ex: Bdubs and Martyn are phantom hybrids who have to eat souls. If you threw them in the Life series with their hybrid traits maxed out, they'd be forced to either starve to death or break the rules by attacking while they're green. Not really possible in a series with limited lives.

Phantom Feeding - Impulse (who lost his ability to pull souls out of bodies) can't play at all on servers that force those kinds of soul trait defaults unless he has someone who's willing to feed him (i.e. pull a soul out of a body and bring it to him), so he generally just doesn't play there. Skizz feeds him while they're in Between, but Impulse can't hang out in that dimension without Skizz unless someone else is there to help. If he didn't have Skizz or another feeder, he'd probably hang out around the phantom spawn temple because he'd be stuck in a starvation death loop anyway.

Phantom hybrids are flock-oriented, though, so there's usually someone to feed him... he just feels awkward asserting himself and it's easier to ask Skizz. When Skizz knows he'll be away, he'll usually prep Impulse's soul thermos. It's just awkward to do in advance because it inconveniences other people if they get left in the thermos too long. Can't get cycled back through the portal hub if you're not getting digested, y'know. It's more of a weekend prep situation, not so much an "I'm gone for a week" situation.

Bdubs does save souls for Martyn on days that Martyn's hunting ground is empty. Martyn and Bdubs may fight a lot, but they're still flockmates and Bdubs does care.

Default Trait Shift - In the Between dimension, the phase of the moon you respawn under influences how much you show your hybrid traits (a nod to the game mechanic that strengthens mobs under the full moon). Ergo, this snippet of Etho getting his ears:

There’s a rattling noise in the kitchen. Scar leans back. It’s the doorknob that leads into the apartment hall. The door slams inward a second later. A fuming, scrawny fox hybrid man looms like a silver wraith in the dark. For half a second, Scar’s not sure it’s even Etho. This figure’s got the same puffy tail, but he’s also got fox ears that stand quivering and tall on his head. Then he remembers Etho just got his vessel reset. The moon is waxing; the percentage of visible hybrid traits he shows is higher now than it was the last time he spawned.

In the example above, Etho respawned with his arctic fur, but it's fully possible for him to respawn as ginger instead.

iJevin is the poster child for this- he looks a lot like a slime because he was last respawned on a full moon night (as opposed to someone like PiglinMyNose who's also a slime hybrid, but shows drippy face traits and not the natural slime coloration). When Jevin respawns, he can come back as either blue or green, and he'll come back looking more humanoid unless it's a full moon.

Cleo's most common form is a waxing moon spawn. She gets more stitches, decorative injuries, and flowers during the waxing and full moon, but if she respawns under a new moon then she defaults to her "HumanCleo" skin. Still a zombie, just comes in various flavors of "freshly undead and basically human" to "oh, they're a corpse who falls apart easily."

Soul-Sharing - Soul-sharing is a nod to Season 8 of Hermitcraft when Mumbo ate Grian's soul (and is apparently still sharing it since he's been wearing the soul-sharing skin throughout Season 9 and even in his non-Hermitcraft content).

In the Pixels Imperfect universe, Grian is a parrot hybrid and Mumbo is a wandering trader. When they blended souls, Mumbo started growing wings and getting hazy glimpses at things that Grian's Watcher eyes can see (so he can sort of understand how blurry Skizz is, but not to the same degree Grian sees him).

Grian got wandering trader robes, the ability to make binding deals, and a bit of inventory space (something you don't normally have in Between).

During Dog's Life, when Grian and Etho were smuggling SnifferMyFeet across the portal hub, they put Sniff in wandering trader robes and Etho's like "I'm afraid to ask why Grian has Mumbo's robes in his closet." They actually weren't Mumbo's- they're Grian's half of the soul-sharing. Sometimes Grian wears them; I just haven't found a good place to show it yet.

Impulse and Skizz are soul-sharing for medical reasons. My short story Criminal Experience opens with Impulse as a phantom hybrid and ends with him getting his soul wrecked because he'd do anything for Skizz, even at the cost of himself. Skizz would do anything for Impulse, including sharing his soul to keep Impulse alive <3

Imp and Skizz's bond is even tighter than Grian's and Mumbo's, and it's a reference to their Naked & Scared series where they regularly share hearts. Impulse and Skizz constantly feel each other's pain and they have to manually turn off their heart-sharing when they join new servers. Sometimes they forget (or just don't want to) and continue sharing.

Skizz was actually secondhand soulbound to Bdubs during Double Life, but he can't bring himself to talk about it with Impulse (a nod to IRL Skizz talking about how he hasn't watched Double Life because he knows it would wreck him emotionally). Mumbo was secondhand bonded to Scar, but he didn't feel it as intensely as Skizz did.

Impulse's soul is in tatters right now. He can't really do phantom things anymore (like pull souls out of bodies... although he can eat them if another phantom hybrid brings him one), so Skizz keeps them fed when they're in the Between dimension. Skizz [born an enderman hybrid] can filter feed from the void and he can also eat souls now. If he hadn't modded giant angel wings on himself, he'd have phantom wings.

"Can't Impulse just eat the soup in his thermos-" Not in Between; he's naturally an anivore, so when he's in the soul-themed dimension, he can only get nutrients from souls.

"Then why does he have-" Because he's petty, next question.

Since sharing with Skizz, Impulse can't tolerate water or eye contact as well as he used to, but not to the crippling degree it used to affect Skizz. He also got Skizz's ability to toggle silk touch on, but only when he's on-server (since you can't move blocks in Between unless you follow certain worldbuilding rules like having a command star or teaming up with a dragon) and only if that server allows it.

Also, Impulse sleeps in the same bed as Skizz and his wife and they literally just have to deal with this because he gets agitated and doesn't like sleeping alone... He curls up at their feet and we'll see this in the opening chapter of Dog's Life Session 3.

I also have a Traffictober I'm working on - "Like Newlyweds Do" - where Impulse tries to adjust to sleeping in the same bed as Bdubs during Double Life (and Bdubs, the king of comfortable sleep, is horrified that Impulse doesn't like pillows). Not a very cuddly wedding night... but they still love each other sdfklj.

Impulse doesn't sleep well alone (even worse when Skizz isn't on the server) and he'll usually try to sleep on someone else's bed instead of by himself. I definitely remember him respawning in Bdubs' bed instead of his own during the Soup Group rebellion arc, which is hilarious. Oh to be a clingy yet touch-averse guy who has issues being married to a man who betrayed him in a past life but also you just crawl into his bed so you have somewhere safe to sleep.

For Hermitcraft 8 and 9, Impulse's go-to person to sleep on is Pearl (or Gem when Pearl's away for time zone reasons), but he's not picky. He just struggles to be alone because your soul flares up when you're asleep and he doesn't have a full soul, so it sends his body into a panic unless there's someone nearby he trusts.

I like to think these bed-sharing habits also influenced how he played 3rd Life and why he successfully schmoozed his way into so many alliances. You can absolutely confuse Martyn into thinking you're a close ally if you sway him into letting you sleep on his bed "for medical reasons." Scar probably let Impulse stay with him one time, but Grian would have thrown him out so fast, ha ha.

[ More under the cut <3 ]

Corrupted Player Souls - Scar has a lot of soul dysphoria over whether he's an allay or a vex, because when he looks at himself in the mirror, he can't tell. He usually identifies as a vex, but I'm working on a Traffictober piece where he turns to Grian for comfort and Grian's flustered because he has no idea what Scar wants to hear. Awkward desert duo attempted comfort, my beloved.

Sniff has a bit of dysphoria over his corruption too, but his is more along the lines of feeling so glitched out and weightless that he regularly forgets he has a physical body (which we saw in "No One Likes the Opening Band" where he slammed into a wall thinking he could go through it and died from kinetic energy). Speaking of-

Cam Accounts - There's a distinct difference between what camera accounts can biologically do vs. what players can biologically do. Cam accounts can go into spectator mode, defy gravity, pass through blocks, and they can see colors that players can't. TwoMuchGrian likes to hover over Grian without flapping his wings just because he likes to brag about how little energy it takes to float (while Grian is forced to flap to stay up). However, cam accounts can't use commands (so they can never have command stars) and they can't create their own servers.

The IRL free-cam mod lets you pass through blocks, but in the Pixels Imperfect universe, only cam accounts can pass through blocks. Player accounts can enter free-cam by roaming around in their glowy mob soul form, but they still have to go around blocks (Tango, for example, has a specific path he has to take in order to get inside Decked Out and watch people). Player accounts aren't able to go into true spectator mode, and any time they do (such as when they're ghosts watching people at the end of the final Life series episode), this is interpreted as them being in free-cam.

Players always have to deal with some kind of collision and gravity effect, and it's generally a very bad thing when they glitch through stuff (Ex: Etho was so fritzed out when his fox soul started taking over in "Canadian Idiot" that he glitched through the deck of The Relation for a second before he adjusted).

Martyn Eating Clothes - I did show Martyn eating his sleeves in Dog's Life Chapter 6 (and he makes another reference in Chapter 11), but we haven't really delved into what's going on there. Martyn is a phantom hybrid, but Bdubs [the flock captain] doesn't let him feed on other players' souls very often [feeding meaning "this person's player went AFK so we have to log them out and send them to their offline server"; everyone comes back later and they're fine, but this is what phantom hybrids do].

Bdubs keeps Martyn hungry and gives Martyn a designated hunting ground that's Just For Martyn, which pretty much guarantees that Martyn will always eat people who wander into it. Specifically, Martyn's hunting area is the entire perimeter of New Star Station (as in, the edge rim) so Martyn's always chasing people who try to leave the station.

Martyn's not digesting cloth, but he's eating the code that connects people's clothing to their soul and/or player energy (There's an upcoming scene where he eats Scar's hat, too). If you just handed him an old shirt or a spare skin, he can't eat that because it's not currently attached to anyone and flowing with soul energy. He has to eat people specifically, or else the closest thing to a person he can get, which sometimes means chewing on his own shirt because his own clothing checks all the boxes for "attached to a person."

There are lots of twisted politics involved with Martyn's designated hunting ground being the perimeter... When he's in the Between dimension, Martyn can't gain energy from physical food, so he has to hunt people. He's always hungry and due to phantom flock politics, he has little choice but to play his role in preventing people from leaving the portal hub, which is exactly what Scott wants because Scott's so incredibly paranoid about the portal hub getting discovered by the anarchy players who've overrun outside world.

Cleo, who likes to dig because they're a zombie, is constantly trying to break through the bedrock wall around New Star Station. Huge conflict... because Martyn's insufferably curious. Martyn's constantly fighting the urge to eat Cleo and instead he just tries watching and talking to them. Martyn keeps bending the rules for Cleo because he's a little sweeter on them than he'd like to admit (hashtag it's really important to me that everyone vibes with their soulmates even outside Double Life... soulmates for a reason even if they don't like admitting it).

Which is where we get this upcoming scene at the end of Dog's Life Session 2:

“I don’t care. I have Cleo now.” “S’cuse me?” Jimmy cocks his head. When Scott stares at him, looking insulted, Jimmy says (tentatively), “How… how does that work when they’re blowing holes in your wall? Aren’t you the mayor? Or is the mayor bit just a bunch of roleplay too? I thought it was serious, but I really don’t know anything about politics.” “… When they’re what?” “Oh, that’s someone else.” I’ve messed up; I’ve really messed something up. “That’s someone else, I think. I just saw them. I mean, BigB’s always talking, you know?” “Martyn’s on wall-watch.” Scott says it like he’s holding a knife against a battered Jimmy’s throat. Scott’s staring harsh and furious, like he’d very much like to lunge across the bed, grab Jimmy’s jacket collar in his hands, and slam his head against the wall. “And Martyn’s always hungry; Bdubs keeps him hungry on purpose, just for this. If someone’s trying to find a way through, Martyn would put a stop to that so quick. Martyn wouldn’t… Martyn… Cleo would never ally with Martyn. That’s not… I’ll talk to him, though.”

We love stupidly complicated animal people politics and we love young people in positions of power making decisions out of paranoia and panic <3

I actually have several pieces I want to do about Cleo and Martyn in the portal hub, especially in regards to the bedrock wall, but I keep hesitating over whether that's appropriate for my Traffictober series because... it's not while they're on the Life series server and also it's so incredibly specific to this worldbuilding. But they are one-shots that draw specifically from Cleo and Martyn's Double Life dynamic so I guess that still counts.

I just really love dumb Zombiewood drama and I love them screwing each other over on accident even when they're just trying to hang out and be friends slkdfj. Them...

Creator Bleed / Emotion Bleed / Martyn's Sync - Creator traits that bleed over into the characterization of their little pixel character are called creator bleed. For example, Mumbo has two llamas which symbolically represent Creator Mumbo's love for biking.

Emotion bleed is when our little pixel friends can feel strong emotions through their sync-cords- for example, Joel and Lizzie can sense their creators are married because they can feel strong affection through their sync-cords and figured out it was happening at the same time.

Martyn is unique in that he does not have a sync-cord. He struggles with self-doubt, wondering if he wasn't a fun character to play and his creator abandoned him, so he lives his life constantly trying to be a fun person to play with and he takes it super personally if people don't want to be around him (so the Double Life break-up hit harder than he admits to).

Martyn not having a sync is a reference to Creator Martyn being super involved with lore, with the implication being that Creator Martyn wanted to put his little guy through The Horrors so the sync was snapped to maintain strict emotional distance. In Pixels Imperfect, this also means Martyn can pick up on things most people can't, which is a nod to his Life series episodes where the Watchers speak to him but not to others.

Besides Grian, Martyn is the only character in Pixels Imperfect who knows what kisses are. He's "out of sync" and gets influenced from the universe at large. It's like he fell out of Creator Martyn's boat and can pop his head both above and below the water, as opposed to both of them sailing on the surface together. Character Martyn uses certain words that the other characters don't, so we get stuff like this fun exchange [Dog's Life, end of Session 3]:

“I don’t know, G,” because he’s running out of doors to hide behind. Martyn fidgets with the axe. Grian’s eyes snap over. It’s exactly the chance Martyn needs to drop his gaze. “I mean… You’re forcing it, aren’t you?” “How do you mean?” “You know exactly what I’m talking about. The others aren’t like us. Their natures are ingrained; basically predetermined. They can’t go against their nature. It’s… It’s like BigB and Ren drifting back together like satellites once you’re out of the equation. They paralleled each other long before Double Life, Grian. You disrupted the storyline, but not the code of the game, and they’ll keep circling each other instead of you.” He fiddles with the axe again. He can see from its reflection that Grian’s getting irritated; the purple glow is all he needs. He’d rather not look him in the eye. “I just… I don’t know. If they don’t act on their emotions first, then maybe we shouldn’t flirt with them. They’re just following code; they’re just part of the game.” “We’re part of the game. We have code.” “It’s different. We know things.

Do with that what you will.

Calendars - I like to think that there are multiple calendar systems: one for when you're in the Between dimension and once when you're on server. There's a scene in Dog's Life Chapter 11 where Joel tells Lizzie "It's Wednesday; I'm not going anywhere" and I almost took that out because technically, the on-server Wednesday and the Between Wednesday wouldn't line up so that doesn't make sense.

The official Minecraft mechanic has the moon set to an 8-day cycle. My personal view is that the on-server calendar would have an 8-day week and instead of using day names like Monday and Tuesday, everyone tracks days by the moon phase.

However, calendars are a huge pain not just to worldbuild, but to convey to readers in a way that makes sense and doesn't come across as super info dumpy. I'm probably going to leave it and let them use words like Wednesday and treat weeks as 7-day cycles, but in my heart... in my heart, it's an 8-day week and they have moon day names like Waxnight and Newnight. Maybe someday I'll go back and edit those names in, or maybe I'll just keep that in my pocket for a personal project, who knows...

Admin Inexperience - My draft for "There Are Many Benefits to Being Corporeal" was originally going to cover an adventure between SnifferMyFeet and PiglinMyNose as they try to craft ice cream, which meant going out to get ice (and there was a big discussion about what Pig can and can't touch because he's technically a camera account).

I ended up scrapping all that because it was getting long-winded and it was a little too much effort for these two silly side characters if I wasn't even sure I was going to be happy with it, so... I let them make cake instead, which actually is craftable, so that was much less adventurous and mechanics info-dumpy.

Anyway I wanted to point this out because Sniff is the server admin for their server, but he's a newbie account who doesn't know what he's doing, so I had scenes like this:

SnifferMyFeet was blown up by [Admin Inexperience] PiglinMyNose: You okay? SnifferMyFeet: ASDSLKSJF That’s the only response he gets. [...] SnifferMyFeet was blown up by [Admin Inexperience] Sniff lies flat on his back, surrounded by woodchips, puddles, and melon rinds. Pig circles overhead a few times, swooping lower and lower on every pass. He finally lands with a pat on top of the bed. He tucks in the canary and vex wings. Sniff parts his fingers long enough to glower at him. “I don’t understand. This is so unfair. Grian and Joel both know how to use commands.” PiglinMyNose: It takes practice PiglinMyNose: And you’re not Grian and Joel PiglinMyNose: You’re Sniff :)

Sniff references this scene in Dog's Life when he talks about his relationship with Pig and how Pig was there to help him get clean every time he blew up. They're friends. Also we got to see the same vibe of Pig comforting Sniff in "No One Likes the Opening Band" so that was self-indulgent and fun <3

Some other Sniff and Pig highlights from the Corporeal draft include:

“Put me back into camera mode. You’re the admin.” Sniff’s eyes move to the glowing five-point star on the underside of his hand. It’s the command block star, and one Pig has never worn himself. He waits, lightly bouncing on his toes, as Sniff stares blankly at his wrist. “So… so an outside person has to do that to you?” “Yeah. You’re the admin.” “… And it’s all up to me to bring you back if you decide to be a player again? Like, you can do nothing? You might just be stuck as a camera forever if I don’t?” “I trust you,” Pig assures him, which sends fireworks up Sniff’s face. He quickly brushes off the loose pixels, but his hands are shaking. They’re shaking bad. “Um…” Sniff brings a fingertip to each of Pig’s temples. “Pig, I dub thee a camera.” The snort bubbles up before Pig can stop it. “Not like that!” [...] “But doesn’t that take away your voice? I don’t think I can… I don’t know, Pig. That’s a little messed up.” “Sniff, it’s okay.” Pig grasps Sniff’s wrist, guiding his cupped hand to his cheek. “I want to do this.”

[...]

Pig frowns, then projects his thoughts into the space around him. PiglinMyNose: Oh, that’s different “I knew it,” Sniff blurts. “I messed it up! I’ll put you back.” PiglinMyNose: No, no! It’s fine. It’s just that I’m a slime soul PiglinMyNose: These aren’t my slime wings Pig gives them a few experimental flaps. PiglinMyNose: Not that that’s unusual, I guess PiglinMyNose: Slime hybrids absorb traits from those around them PiglinMyNose: This canary wing is from Jimmy. The vex one is from Scar “What the heck is a canary?” Sniff asks, pulling out his sword. He glances around, lip trembling, like he expects some sort of brute to lumber from the undergrowth. PiglinMyNose: It’s a modded bird “What’s a bird?” PiglinMyNose: We’ll talk later PiglinMyNose: Practice spawning blocks PiglinMyNose: You’ve got parrot spawn eggs and stuff too PiglinMyNose: I’ll be back soon :)

Sob... they care so much about each other... I just love the ancient and experienced cam account boy and his new best friend, the incredibly temperamental newbie who has body dysphoria because he got possessed for two weeks sldkfj

Honorable mention to this snippet:

PiglinMyNose: Can you poof? Sniff glances around the area, then back at Pig. “Too scared. What happens if I poof inside a tree? I saw Cleo almost suffocate inside a tree once.” PiglinMyNose: You will respawn :) “You’re not going to even try to rescue me?” PiglinMyNose: I’m a camera “I think I’ll walk, thanks. Maybe later.”

They really are just Like That... Sniff and Pig, my beloveds...

So, those are some mechanics I haven't talked about yet!

Also, here are some of my favorite worldbuilding details that already have made it in (#Dog's Life spoilers up to Chapter 11 + references to my Traffictober one-shots)

In the Pixels Imperfect universe, no one has blood. This means they can't blush. They also can't cry because they don't have tear ducts. Both of these body reactions will make them spark and fritz pixels instead. However, they do have lungs (because breathing is an official game mechanic) and they have spit (because llamas can spit, so therefore spit exists in the game). It's an interesting worldbuilding switch for me because when I write my Fairly OddParents 'fics, the fae have blood and tears but they don't have lungs, ha ha. Massive brain switch I have to do when picking out the body language for these two worlds. Technically they don't have genetics, nor does evolution exist in this world. Why did Jimmy imply blaze and ghast have a common ancestor when he shouldn't have any idea what that means? idk, I was aware of the irony but it was funny to me sldkjf

Not a mechanic, but a canon part of the worldbuilding for the Pix Impf universe is that Grian built a Mumbo shrine on his AFK server. It's a reference to things like the escape room video where he just straight-up built a creepy Mumbo room because he missed him, and also he gets the itch to connect with Mumbo sometimes because they share a soul. I just think it's funny.

Anytime he's in Between (i.e. off a server), Martyn has constant vertigo. He tries to push through it, but it's always kind of draining his mind. This is a reference to creator Martyn's personal lore, where his character is constantly falling until he wakes up in a new Life series.

Joel's hair stripe is coded on. He changes color by tweaking his code (and/or messaging Scott to change his code). If he were to use flower dye, it would wipe out every time he leaves a server because you more or less can't take stuff from on-server into Between. Technically he could take tiny drips of it, but nothing useful (same reason you can still have scratches, dirt, and splinters but you can't take a full wood block).

Calendar times are super messed up. I use the official Minecraft conversions, so each Life series play session is 9 in-game days [3 hours IRL] with a bit of spill over the sides for resource gathering and clean-up. Time moves differently in the Between dimension vs. the Overworld (and that's not even accounting for how hard it is to track time in the Nether and End). When I write my FOP content, I'm incredibly nitpicky over the timeline, right down to making the effort to assign every single episode for all 11 seasons to a calendar day just so my fanfic timeline would be "perfect." It's hilarious to go from that to this where I deliberately make no attempt to match the years up because everyone's personal timelines are scrambled from jumping in and out of servers. I know there are timeline inconsistencies and I just choose not to fix them because I think it's part of the charm of this particular world. Yeah Grian's only been here 250 years, yeah Scar's somehow known him since he got here but also only for 200 years, yeah Martyn arrived after Grian and has somehow been here for 300 years, what's your point? One of them spent longer on-server and one of them spent longer in Between so it screwed up their mental math. Also BigB and Cleo were simultaneously married for 4 years but also 6 years but also less than 24 hours. Yeah Double Life lasted for a year but also for 6 weeks but also the gap between LimLife and Dog's Life is somehow only a few months despite it being a larger gap than Double Life's entire run-time. They literally just live like this. Time isn't real in the Pix Impf world.

The admin for a server will always have a command star on their hand, which gives them the ability to use admin powers. The Between dimension is not a server and the only way to get commands in that dimension is to slay a spawn dragon... or slay whoever currently has the star. Only two people have command stars in Between. One of them is Scott [who has the Allay Dragon's star] and the other is Herobrine [who has the Cluckshroom Dragon star]. My favorite joke is that Herobrine doesn't even do anything in Dog's Life - he's just chilling in the background lore - but there's this creepy reputation associated with having a command star and Scott just has to deal with it. There's this super messed-up power dynamic anxiety in general with "Scott is super on his toes because anyone could just straight-up kill him for his command star, and the Allay Dragon is dead so Scott will perma-die instead of respawning like everyone else" and it's. very dark and fun for me. He literally can't get rid of that command star even if he wanted to because someone would have to kill him and that's too much of a risk.

The characters who are anarchy refugees can use metaphors related to things outside the portal hub (I think Lizzie used syrup once and Etho described SnifferMyFeet as a meerkat). Scar's worldview is much more limited because he's never been outside New Star Station and his metaphors reflect this.

Generally, mobs are referred to as "it" and only gendered on occasion. I actually thought long and hard about sexual dimorphism before deciding that yes, when Jimmy started taking on chicken traits in Dog's Life, he needed hen feathers, not rooster colors, because all the Minecraft chickens are hens. Mobs can come in slightly different colors (Dogs, cats, horses can all have domestic patterns - Lizzie being a calico cat in Empires Season 2 is a good example of this making sense in universe, as is Skizz's mod that makes dogs look like his IRL dog) but something like rooster coloration is too extreme. My Neighborhood Watch universe does have sexual dimorphism, so they breed cows with ravagers and they also have roosters. I actually have to keep words like "rooster" and "bull" out of the Pix Impf universe because no one except Grian would know what those words mean.

BigB used to be an Illusioner before he got moth mods. He lost his ability to see through blocks and he's kind of grumpy about it. I play him as a nosy guy largely because of the Nosy Neighbors schtick he had going on in LimLife, but also because his moth mods give him incredible hearing and he was just plain nosy because of his Illusioner code even way back in the day. It's weird to live 2000 years being able to see through blocks and then that gets taken away from you.

In Dog's Life Chapter 11, Grian brushes loose pixels off the bed and then dumps them in a jar before he comes back to bed. Those pixels can be reused to rebuild your body and it's the same wavelength as what Joel did in "Canadian Idiot" when he cut some of Etho's hair and used it to rebuild his chewed-off fingers.

Also in "Canadian Idiot," Joel talked about how you don't want to use lava as a fuel source inside a tight space or else you'll make your build smell like sulfur. I really wanted to give the characters whose strengths lie in building some things that they knew more about compared to the redstoners, who traditionally prioritize efficiency over aesthetic and comfort. Everybody's smart in their own way.

In "Shack Up Like It's Summer 2022," Tango accidentally washed plates in an infinite water source block and then he had to spend time getting the crumbs out because... he ruined the drinking water.

In "Dog Biscuits," Ren put a cover on the crafting table before he pushed it down. It had measurements on it and the cover just keeps stuff from splattering when you squish it. Ren's not sloppy; he does his work with attention to detail.

One more detail from Dog's Life to wrap things up, but Impulse has actually been dealing with weird brain influence for more of Dog's Life than he hasn't been... it just didn't get brought to the forefront until Chapter 11 because other people were also having problems. As early as Chapter 4, Skizz noticed he was acting off. Later at Jimmy's party, Impulse stood to the side and kept rubbing his eyes. Over the next few chapters, several people note that Impulse is being "unhelpful" in texts because he's only asking about where Bdubs is. Bdubs even straight-up told Etho that Impulse tried to fight him but they just brush it off because they don't think it's important, and then you get midway through Chapter 11 and all of a sudden it's Very Obvious that Impulse is Messed Up and no one noticed until now, and now everyone is locked in their own servers and none of the programmers can reach Impulse and look at his code, so Impulse is just suffering (TM) for the next month or so that he's locked in offline status. There's definitely a worldbuilding thing going on about why Impulse specifically is suffering, and we'll delve into it later... Idk, I just really like how it came together, with Impulse getting overlooked... I think it's funny. I love Impulse; he's my favorite.

Thank you for enjoying my worldbuilding and my work! I love writing for this series and I'm so happy to hear you like it <3

10 notes · View notes

talkingtea · 1 year

Note

Why CP wanted to leave since Season 2:

“And I guess that would be my advice to people, especially girls that look like us, is that, you know— ‘bend, but don’t ever break.’ You know, I almost— I had conversations, 'I’m leaving the show, I’m done, I’m out’— and for me, what always kept me coming back was there are people who love this character, who are dying to see themselves on screen, and if I stop now, everybody that’s supposed to be coming after me on the show, it re-solidifies the idea to the higher ups, like, ‘oh, it doesn’t work, those characters don’t work, you’re not successful,’— so I had to stay in, like, dig my feet in and make Iris successful. Because I needed there to be other Iris Wests. You know? And so, as hard as it was, I mean that is my prize, ‘bend, do not break.’”— CP, Azie’s IG Live; 40:11 - 41:00

"It was hard in that aspect, the on-set aspect. I wanted to leave the show as early as Season 2. I remember being like, 'I can't do this, I'm not going to make it through, I don't want to be here, I'm severely unhappy.' […] But for me in 2014, there were no support systems. No one was looking out for that. It was just free range to get abused every single day. There were no social media protocols in place to protect me, so they just let all that stuff sit there. [...] My fans loved this character. It was such an iconic casting, such an iconic role, and I knew how much this meant to so many people that I felt a responsibility to stay in a space and a place that was probably very toxic for my mental health”— CP, The Open Up Podcast

Why GG wanted to leave back in S2:

“I’m glad, too, that I was, like, locked into the contract that I was locked into, ‘cause, like, we’re talking about those earlier, stressful seasons, like if I could’ve. Like, there were plenty of crew members that like walked after Season 2, like, I probably would’ve also, ‘cause I was just like, ‘this is too stressful, like, this is too hard— the hours are ridiculous,’ like, I would’ve just walked after Season 2 if I wasn’t, like, locked down. But I’m so glad that I’ve been on the journey I’ve been on, and I’ll ride it as long as I can, probably.” — GG, Michael Rosenbaum podcast; 1:07:40 - 1:08:09

...

The contrast in statements makes me sick. How did this man think racism didn't exist in 2020 when his second to the show was suffering from it everyday? He didn't even have to be lead to have the privilege he did/does on set. I wish Candice's biggest problems on set that'd make her consider leaving behind a character she loves were the long hours, the waiting to shoot, and the guest directors (which G also had problems with in the beginning). But it was worse than that. She suffered so much. It just adds to the context of G's comment in 2020; “Candice and I have had private conversations where I’ve apologized to her, acknowledged where I could’ve done better and I’ve promised her I will.” And Candice had said one person actually stood by her. He admittedly failed her. And seeing/hearing the differences of tone in those statements side by side just adds to that sting. You can feel CP's pain, yet GG outgrowing his younger, more unprofessional, functionally anxious self.

If it had to be between those two, I'd pick CP over GG to leave for better things, Iris over Barry to stay.

Season 2 would've alternatively been their escape route of that shit show for very different reasons ...

☕️☕️☕️

22 notes · View notes

whatudowhennooneseesyou · 9 months

Note

Haha I'll try but it's very hard to know how idols feel about the parasocial relationship. I'll give my thoughts in the context of Chan and what I personally notice and theorise about him and how that might link to parasocial fan relationships. However, very important, I don't have his bubble so I don't know what is and isn't typical of him in those messages.

1. Validation and ego boost. Without getting too deep into this it's pretty straightforward. There's no person that doesn't have at least some measure of insecurity, be it about their character or appearance, and Chan is no exception. In his case it's probably more intense if anything. Chan in general to me feels like a deeply insecure person in some aspects and the validation can be downright addictive.

2. Drama. Chan also feels like to me like he is massively restrained and repressed. I mean have you listened to him try to finish a sentence in English without censoring himself, repeating himself or just trailing off, scratching his neck and looking away?? Yeah, I know. It's bloody hard for the man. He represses emotions, sexual thoughts (but still wrote Red Lights, the fucker), language - he's a ticking time bomb of unreleased emotions and tickling the fans just a little bit can feel like fireworks as they burst out with the same emotions he's trying to keep in check. He's probably vicariously revelling in the drama, and also getting massive validation that it is HE that caused it, it's HIM that fans are willing to drop panties for.

3. Praise kink. I mean it just kind of leads us down this road right? His messages were about hard work and about his body specifically. If he didn't want attention on that he just wouldn't have brought up that topic at all. As I said i don't have his bubble but those messages felt very bold to me, very slutty haha. It could definitely be a way to bait and indulge a raging praise kink and then he can use it to superimpose into his sex life if he has one or into his fantasies.

All of these potential things can be really powerful and despite dealing with so much bullshit from fans, i could see it dragging Chan back in to milk the parasocial relationship pretty hard.

Is this one of my coolest tumblr moots coming into my ask box to create more intellectual conversations about kpop and life?

Yes, it is!

Hi @muselin

Again, amazing insight and conversation starter as always.

I want to disagree with you on some stuff but you come in here and spill facts with every conversation so I just can't....I agree with all of what you say...yet again.

I personally feel the validation and ego boost is universal with idols who push the parasocial relationship HARD on their fans. Obviously, I'm not going to say this is certain with Bang Chan but intuitively, Chan seems to have a lot of hidden, repressed insecurities regarding his value in his masculinity.

I am very certain that he probably has an anxious-attachment style because he himself has said that he struggles with asserting personal boundaries.

Soo..if I was going to be really deep, I am inclined to push the paper further and say he genuinely relies on others in order for him to feel okay within himself.

And this is why as much as I simp over Bang Chan, I do include the red flags and...

of course, I'm not accusing Bang Chan of being like this, this is just a thought.

but he could be the type of boyfriend that relies on your external validation to make him feel accepted internally.

and that is just so much pressure oml.

14 notes · View notes

a-wins-a-win · 3 months

Text

okie so ur guy finally got around to watching Bare : The Musical (mouse!! why?? because!! I love comparisons <3) and anyway. thought I’d document my thoughts

tldr; I think I would like Bare: The Musical as a standalone story, but as a Bare: A Pop Opera adaptation/re-interpretation I think it falls short in a lot of ways.

it gets a bit long so under the cut, if you wanna skip the dot points i summarise/reiterate down the bottom of the post

okay no but the photographic memory detail is kinda interesting. kinda sad in a lot of ways too if you think about it

the audio quality is Not It so forgive me if I don’t pass judgement on any of the songs

“Jason you act every day.” “I didn’t fool you <3” they’re cuties // they are SUCH goofballs here! they’re so dumb! teenageboycore if there ever was! I love them <3

it’s so WEIRD to hear a lot of these lines out of order / in a different context

ALSO the lack of singing during auditions is throwing me off

“Do you think your sister’s bi?” “…” “Bipolar?” I laughed—

Matty Patty babey boy!!! he’s so… he’s so something. idk if I like it yet. im very used to introvertedly anxious Matt but this Matt is such a lil cutie

WHOAH OK Portrait Of A Girl is way early

but I think I like a lot of the lyrics - “You don’t have a clue / what she is doing with you / what she is doing to you.”

actually no this is a crazy interesting take on Matt & Ivy and I’m OBSESSED with the way we get to see Ivy’s actual introspection on it in this context

ohhh okay. so it’s That kind of basketball team situation for Jason (+ Peter !! goddamn they really hate that kid)

the art class is a fun character device ! (also I’m screaming over the Math Book exchange)

i am intrigued by the Romeo & Juliet casting in this version ngl

I knew that they merged the Nadia & Lucas characters (lowkey I hate it! I think it does a huge disservice to Nadia + inevitably the McConnell dynamic) but it’s still weird to see it . That said “Out Of Your Mind” [as best as I can approximate what the song’s called??] is kind of a vibe

he was named after Peter Pan r u kidding ?? i am so so intrigued to meet Claire Simmonds in this version now

ohhh nooo I am having FEELINGS over Best Kept Secret (as I always do) but DAMN

“If the word were different and if wishing made it so […] I’m trying just as hard as you!” jason mcconnell you will be the death of me

im SICK why is everyone so MEAN in this version

EMO PUPPY DOG MATTHEW LLOYD I LOVE YOU

^ also goddamn that whole scene was An Exchange. interesting take

“You Don’t Know” is beautiful tho*

“I hear ya.” “Do you?” any glimpse of snarky/sarcastic Peter is a relief (not sure that I’m quite here for this Peter characterisation) . Also the Peter-Diane friendship is somewhat iconic

JASON is the birthday bitch!! that’s. something.

oh okay! this Portrait Of A Girl/Boy reprise is so intriguing to me. this version of Ivy in general is so intriguing to me

snarky Peter Simmonds you are everything to me <3

i miss ‘Are You There?’ hopefully it comes back to me later, I am desperate to see this Peter & Matt have a meaningful conversation

i could honestly not discern most of those lyrics but whatever they replaced 911! Emergency! with seems unnecessarily extravagant? for very little payoff

“Peter did you learn the entire script?” “Maybe.” no I love that for him though. i’m struggling because I like a lot of this Peter’s little character MOMENTS, but OVERALL I don’t like him

again the lack of singing is throwing me off

“I’m NOT your boyfriend!” OWCH

“Your world might not stop!” ohhhh okayyy i am. going a bit insane. over this mcsimmonds.

EVER AFTER !!! EVER FUCKING AFTER !!! (or whatever this version is officially titled)

what is the general consensus on Jason having Role Of A Lifetime?? bc aside from the title not making thematic sense for his character... idk it could just be the delivery but i don’t hate it

i am Not Here for the Nadia-likes-Matt subplot, tbh. i think it’s silly.

there is something so so desperate & violently destructive about this Jason - and it isn’t even like. hidden behind this facade of effortlessness that Pop Opera Jason puts up, if that makes sense?? (yes I am upset that he kissed Ivy first even if it makes sense for this version of Jason)

what an act 1, ngl. I am so anxious for act 2.

oh ok that’s a bit cute

“What if I told the world your story? / What if I told them what you’ve done? / What if I went and shared your secret? / What if I let them know I’m someone?” OH OKAY!!! this Peter is A Character!! and he’s fascinating!!

“I am gonna win… yep, I promise.” oh ow okay that hurts

“What If I Told?” [again guessing at song titles] is doing irreparable damage to my psyche /pos and I can feel it happening in real time

oh shit! i forget that they’re not even roommates in this version!

i feel like this version of the story (or at the very least ‘Touch My Soul’ or whatever it’s called here) is really capitalising on the Ivy-Peter similarities in the way the characters are being played

ARE YOU THERE? <33 WHY ARE YOU SO LATE IN THE STORY???

“Are you there? What did I do wrong? / Tell me and I’ll fix it, get us back where we belong.” screaming crying throwing up what the FUCK

disappointed in the lack of patt meter tho ://

NO BC THIS CONTEXT!!! of Sister Joan putting Peter in!!! i actually quite like it!! i kind of hate the stagings where they have Peter like. butt in, for lack of a better phrase to use. bc that’s so uncharacteristic for him, I always read that scene as he’s stage whispering the lines/doing the motions for Diane to follow along with and he just sort of ends up in the Actual Scene accidentally

ough. the mcconnell siblingsism… it’s missing and it makes me sad

“I don’t wanna be here anymore.” OH NO OH NO I DON’T NEED TO BE THINKING ABOUT THE TRAGEDY OF PETER’S SUICIDALITY NEXT TO JASON’S SELF-DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES AND THE WAY THIS STORY PLAYS OUT !!! IM GONNA BE SICK !!

“God Don’t Make No Trash” isn’t my favourite song in the show or anything but I do miss it a bit, even if the replacement song works for Sister Joan + this Peter

ok no now I’m upset do we just not get to know anything about Peter’s mother at all in this version?? look with this version of Peter I don’t feel like she’s a necessary piece of his character/story but still. would’ve been nice

“I have plans, I’m not that girl.” // “If I can’t, then why should he?” Ivy !! i am back and forth on this Ivy! i like a lot of it but I also don’t like a lot of it, those lines tho are so everything to me

“So talk to him.” “We don’t. Talk.” rip to the mcconnell siblingism. like I suppose it makes sense? given the vague family dynamic this musical gives us, but still. I miss them <\3

there is something so physically painful to me to watch Jason have such obvious emotional stress fractures

the lack!! of singing!! is so wild!!

oohhh this Matt is so fucking vindictive - “Is this just another thing you’ll try for the day?” SCREAMING

OH FUCK OKAY

oh I’m gonna be sick watching this meltdown

again!! the absolute sick dog violent desperation radiates off Jason generally but FUCK ME it’s so bad here - like I really truly believe that in that second right after Cross that this Jason made the decision to kill himself**

love the R&J costumes in this version tho ngl, they’re a bit cute

oh shit he’s really just. Dead. like obviously he’s dead in the Pop Opera as well but without Queen Mab it really does just feel like. you blink and he’s gone without any sort of buildup/unravelling

i feel like they definitely tried to recycle a bit of the early versions of the Father Flynn storylines for Father Mike here - like they don’t explicitly go for the queer angle but it feels a little bit alluded to, imo

the fucking bookending!!! i’m such a sucker for that shit

oh. okay. it was certainly A Watch - definitely interesting! full of odd character choices I didn’t love, most notably the basketball team and the way that side plot played out, also the merging of Nadia & Lucas’ characters. I think it does a huge disservice to Nadia’s character, the McConnell twins relationship, Nadia & Peter’s relationship, & I like Lucas as a character (& a plot device) so it really feels like a lose-lose situation. And I would’ve liked to have Peter’s mother at least alluded to, especially given how much more Sister Joan seems to fill a motherly role (and it would’ve made sense thematically! Given his hypothetical conversion with Jason’s mother in You & I, coupled with Diane’s whole spiel about her mom being her best friend - it’s a missed opportunity imo) (even tho as established for this characterisation of Peter it’s not quite so necessary)

that said! credit where credit is due - I am supremely intrigued by the characterisation of… okay most of the cast now I’m thinking about it. Would definitely like to do a comparative character breakdown (let me know if anyone else would care for that at all).

Emo puppy dog Matt Lloyd you are so special (it’s such a silly way to play him!! the show all but eliminates the academic part of his and Jason’s rivalry and THAT makes me sad bc I think it would be so so interesting to play into the rivalry more with this Matt and this Jason - but the way Matt & Ivy’s relationship exists in this version of the show, the absolute lack of any academic focus At All [which?? like they are At School, that SHOULD count for something] and even the play part feels somewhat lacklustre in so regards to the Matt vs Jason element, which again I think is a mark against B;TM)

as I said above - I think I would like Bare: The Musical as a standalone story, but as a Pop Opera adaptation/re-interpretation I think it falls short in a lot of ways. Which is another point - it’s so so crazy to me that The Musical is the adaptation of the Pop Opera, not the other way around. Which kind of sucks! because I think making it into a book musical, not a sung-through show, does give a little more breathing room for character & relationship work and development, but it just seems ill utilised, to the point where it doesn’t even seem to match the Pop Opera, let alone improve/expand on it. Because all the extra dialogue time had to be spent on reordering the story beats so we ended up losing time with the characters in a way.

or at least that’s how it read to me - obviously I am not a professional reviewer/critic so don’t take my word for it, I just wanted to talk it out. or shout it out into the void, as my tumblr may be. if you read this whole thing?? shoutout to you, I love you <3

#the ass quality audio made this somewhat difficult. if anyone has a version that doesn’t sound halfway underwater it would be appreciated #LISTEN I hear y’all when you say it’s not as good as BAPO and I believe you!#but I love to compare and contrast. so.#* worth sacrificing the Pop Opera characters of Nadia & Lucas for? idk. probably not.#** of course the whole Two Households but still happens - which is I guess Jason trying to bargain and like. delay the inevitable. -#but I truly think that I’m the second after Cross Jason’s suicide was pinned to the universe’s cork board #as I say credit where credit’s due I did like several things about the musical! it’s just. second fiddle to the pop opera (for good reason)#yeah. if anyone else has thoughts throw them my way bc I definitely think it’s an interesting comparison #mouse talks bapo #bare a pop opera #bare the musical

5 notes · View notes

gillianthecat · 1 year

Text

Not Me

These are my notes, raw and only lightly copyedited, from four months ago, taken as I watched Not Me (around September 8th). In them I think about revolutions and the culture of activism, make predictions about what happens next, am endeared by romance, and fangirl over First. Among many other things. It is interesting to read over what I noticed then and how I felt about it, after having had months to mull it over and reading other people's thoughts on the show. Even now, I still have complicated tangled feelings about the show. It felt incredibly important and unique, and also like it was trying to do too many things at once. It felt flawed to me, swinging between a very human sort of realism and complete ridiculous nonsense. But having since learned more about it's fanfic roots and how much was changed from the novel it was based on (thanks @moonchildridden!), I can see why that came to be, and admire just how political they managed to make this show despite everything. I wrote early on, "this is not escapism for me," and that still very much feels true, even though the romance was beautiful and tender and I adored it. It brought up all my feelings about the times in my life when I was an activist, and about why I'm not doing that now and how I can get back to that. And all my thoughts about how to do activism, and how to actually make change in the world. Which is a lot, and the main reason it took me so long to write about this show. I only took notes up to episode 9, so there is nothing on the last three episodes. It got too intense for me to want to write about it, though I do remember many of my thoughts and want to write more about the series as a whole. I did write some about the romantic relationships in (or not in) the show, my love for Sean in response to an ask, and talked about the realism of the Not Me world in comparison to KinnPorsche in this conversation with @lelephantsnail.

long so all my notes are below the cut:

Episode 1

I get so anxious for characters when they have to pretend to be someone they're not. Although less so here than usual.

Ok. Looks like they have chemistry! I see why they're a popular actor pair!

That dirty oil fight is adorable but also... dirty motor oil! Blech. I can't focus on the cuteness for the grossness of it.

I like the voice overs actually. They're not necessary, Gun is conveying everything with his acting. But it's nice to have my questions articulated.

Yok is hot -> Wait, is that First？-> *checks MyDramaList* -> Ah, yes. That is First.

Episode 2 (and 3?)

It's so fascinating to be putting together a picture of Black based on the little snippets of what people say or how they react to White. And of course White is going through the same thing.

I live in a much drier climate than Thailand, but it still makes me nervous to see people starting fires in the middle of the forest. 😳😬

Oh no! Please don't have this fellow activist vandalizer die in the fire!

This show is intense for me. I'm feeling kinda raw about it. Definitely not escapism.

I love that they have this mute character and are portraying real issues. I wish it wasn't portrayed in a scene where it felt like Yok and his mom had never met each other before.

Wow they are not pulling their punches. I am really curious about the context that this got made in, and what the reception in Thailand was like.

Lots of feelings on my failures as an activist. Something about that room in the garage, evokes all those warehouse punks from my 20s. They still exist, I'm just not a part of that world anymore.

This show is very didactic. I don't know how it would work for me if I was a Thai activist. Or Thai in general. I think if it was a US show, or English language at least, it would feel too didactic. Either annoyingly earnest or I wouldn't trust the filmmakers.

But because I'm watching it as a foreigner, and it's about a political scene I know little about, the didacticism doesn't bother me.

Also I'm watching with the assumption that this was politically risky to make. I'm guessing that just making the film is a political statement in Thailand, and so I already admire it for that. Whereas in the US it often feels like it's relatively, not easy, but uncontroversial to make a political film, so I accept more. Or at least don't admire their bravery. It may be hard to get funding, but for the most part it doesn't feel like the government is breathing down filmmakers necks in the same way

I am making a lot of assumptions about the Thai political context. I need to learn more to have a proper opinion.

However, it feels really honestly radical, and getting that on mainstream tv in the U.S. would simply not happen. Indie films yes. Series by a mainstream company this overtly political no.

In this us there might be radicalism for the aesthetic, but not actually a look into the issues. Not actually a show that direct action as anything real, rather than a dramatic superhero moment.

I can't even think of any tv shows that are directly about activists and activism. In a metaphorical way, yes, but not direct like this. I'm sure they exist, but what are they?

And a lot of the tv shows films that are about activism are historical. Black panthers, etc.

I don't even know about in other counties.

Whew, this show has got me in my feelings and thoughts.

Anyways

I wonder if this show is going to address the parents each abandoning half their children. And how/why etc Black and White didn't talk for a decade(?). Or if that was mostly a plot device to get the false identity thing going.

I like that this is a lot about White's relationships with other people besides Sean. That those seem to be equally important, or more important than his awaking.

So far it is more about his radicalization than the romance. Which I actually am glad about.

The pace of Sean figuring out something is wrong is good. There is chemistry but no flirtation or anything like that yet, which feels right. And the fake identity thing gives a good reason for Sean to be an asshole without making him seem like an unredeemable asshole.

I wonder if we'll ever get to hear what Sean was thinking during this time. I hope so.

Voiceovers. Getting very didactic. Mixed feelings about that - see above.

Are they contractually required to have a pratfall kiss? The towel mechanism was stupid (although better than a bouncy wall, á la The Eclipse), but at least the almost kiss was better than usual. I liked that their faces were actually offset, no lips touching or almost touching. That fits them better, is more realistic to what bodies would actually do in that situation, and I'd better for the pacing.

Guns are a lot more terrifying in this real world than in the mafia world.

I hope we get more of that dude from the diplomats exams.

Episode 4

Political modern dance!!

Aaah! The Kinnporsche pool. I'm afraid that's seared in my brain as part of mafia mansion now, I don't know if I can buy it as another place but I'll try.

Are we suspicious of Todd?

Initially I wasn't because he was the one bringing White in. And I think people ship Tod & Black.

But I got suspicious when I saw how rich he is. (Oh right, they were childhood friends.) Is his dad Tawi? Would White have known/remembered that?

They seem to be a totally isolated group? Which is probably plausible for self radicalized university students? But also makes the show feel less grounded in real political activist work. Gives everything more aesthetic activism vibes.

Also these boys don't know how to organize or create a campaign? Which is also plausible, but they feel like dilettantes. I guess I don't need the ideas to be any better, just lots more talking to get there...

Episode 5

Oh, and hooray for a trans woman character who like an actual character and not comic relief or whatever. (Possibly multiple characters in multiple settings (I don't know what I was referring to here)).

This violent stretching while they're cold is making me anxious.

Ok this leaping across building stunt is annoying me more than it should. I think I have to let go of my expectations of realism here. The political message is legit. But the depiction of activism is closer to the aesthetic/fantasy side of the scale than I initially hoped.

Ok. I think I'm not going to love this as much as @lelephantsnail does. Or as much as I want to. But I admire it a lot. And if I adjust my expectations I can like it a lot. It's hard to enjoy exactly because it's hitting too close to home. Or at other moments too watered down didactic. (Black is defending capitalism and monopolies? How are they not more suspicious?) But I can enjoy parts.

Episode 6

Oy. I don't like thread of Gumpa constantly testing them. I get that it's to heighten the tension without going too far into plot that can't be backed out of but... partly I guess I don't think the emotional fakeouts are a good thing.

And partly I feel like it makes a joke of the activism? Like, it's quite possible it's a real training technique used. But combined with the general floppiness around the activism world building, it just... it's just like a standard spy thriller. Which is fine I guess but not what I expected or wanted.

Also, if Gumpa can call on all these extra guys for this test, why is their little group so isolated. Gumpa acts like a mentor but is supposedly not the leader? What is their internal organization anyway? What are their connections? Are they just privileged kids who decided to become anarchist [vigilantes] on their own? Are they connected to any broader movement? Have they considered and rejected less violent/illegal means, or is that not happening in this world? Would I understand better if I knew a lot (or even a little) about Thai politics? Or even if I just understood Thai?

Ok, final having a conversation about how to do activism.

Ok I genuinely love that this... romantic? not exactly yet but there's something there... scene is White-as-Black earnestly discussing political philosophy while Sean is drunk and floppy and red faced. It's just so unique and real.

Which maybe is why I get annoyed at the other stuff that feels less real. But I will hold judgment to the end, because I honestly don't know who's evolving in what direction. And what the final message on activist tactics/philosophy is going to be.

I also really like the music (other than overdramatic hospital music.)

Also! They have a beverage sponsor, and the plot is them targeting a beverage manufacturer?! Bold.

Police brutality is brought up as well.

I like getting insights into Sean, but I don't think it works with the structure that’s been set up. Mostly we're discovering everything along with White, and then all of a sudden we'll get Sean's memory? It feels out of place.

Also, I appreciate this version of only-one-bed. OOB as a get-along-shirt.

These boys are beautiful in sunlight (see: Sean on the rooftop).

Like I know it's usually good storytelling technique to not have them endlessly talking in the same place. And it adds drama to have the conflict in the moment. But also why the fuck did that not plan all this basic stuff out ahead of time? Why are they having these basic conversations at the site? There had to have been a third option.

I guess part of what makes me anxious is I can't tell if their bad plans are because they're supposed to be inexperienced activists or if it's because of filmmaking shortcuts (or perhaps even ignorance on her part about radical activism?).

I genuinely love that they gave this romantic moon gazing scene to a platonic pair.

Oh poor Gram. I keep forgetting, but these boys don't know their friend is in the hospital and almost died 😞

Episode 7

I don't know if I've mentioned this yet but I really like the cinematography.

Sometimes I really love it!!

See I'm glad they agree with me that Sean's plan was stupid. But why they hell aren't they discussing this beforehand? I feel like every activist group, even the most pro-destruction anarchist terrorists, has endless discussions of philosophy and strategy. Anarchists especially are not just going to follow one guy without asking questions or sharing their opinion. It's just so odd.

Unrelatedly, I love Yok's tattoos. So hot. I unironically kind of want the bird one. Although I do not have First's biceps and deltoids.

And I love the set design and these kids hanging out in boxers and low cut tanks all the time. The aesthetic feels very authentic. Which is why it's weird when the activism style doesn't. It's not so much that they're bad at it, but the way in which they're bad doesn't feel genuine to me. But also what do I know. I've never been part of the anarchist property destruction movement. And I don't know what it's like in Thailand obviously.

Thank you Yok! Finally some logical strategic thinking.

Ohhh. Interesting intersections here...

(I'm trusting this is not going to end with oh Tawi isn't so bad after all, we should be happy to be part of society etc. But if it does I will be PISSED.

Ok. This is going somewhere interesting. Starting a movement?

(Yok's fireworks moment was ridiculous but also a wonderful image. And hot. By the way.)

Oh thank god other people. I should have had more faith in the director.

Yay! Huge rally! But also

Where did this huge rally come from? This is not a spur of the movement reaction to their (frankly) silly little direct action thing. There have been other people planning and organizing against Tawi all along? Why are these kids so disconnected from it? Like I believe it's plausible that they would be, I just want to understand the story there.

The secret identity plot creates some weird constraints around the activism plot. Like in a way Sean et al are being de-radicalized? Instead of getting frustrated with the slow pace of community organizing and turning to property destruction, it seems like they started there?

So Sean and White will meet in the middle?

This dance! This feels like a real protest.

I mean, sometimes a small seeming thing will light the spark. But there also seem to have been organizers there ready to seize the moment and build the movement

And Black is clearly part of a larger movement with Eugene and her political dance. Yok & Sean and there street artists. Will we ever find out why they were so isolated? I'm starting to have hope that we may.

Gram is staring at Eugene. But I can't tell if it's because he's in love with her or jealous of her and in love with Black. Was he lying to Yok about Yok not knowing the person he was in love with?

Also, why couldn't anyone see that video of Black that Eugene took? Was their relationship a secret?

Registering protesters? I need to read up more.

Gun does a good job of making Black seem like a different person than White, even than White pretending to be Black.

Again I keep forgetting Black's friends don't know he's hurt and then I get sad.

So I guess that Gram is in love with Eugene. What's with the card White found then?

When is White going to tell them all? Are they going to deal with the fact he's been hurting them all with this?

Nuch's... PSA is what it is. It works here. Despite most of her dialogue being political statements she feels like a real person. And the didacticism of her statement on marriage equality feels good actually. It's a reminder that this film is not just about activists, but it is activism. And to put myself aside, because I'm not actually the target audience. I can watch and appreciate, but it's not about me.

Oh my god this scene. This fucking scene. I teared up when the queer couple catwalk across the rainbow flag started. I was not expecting that. And then Sean and White staring at each other across the flag. And walking toward each other underneath it. Sean's expression. Like he doesn't even know what to think any more. Taking his hand. And it isn't even romantic exactly. It's victory. That temporary victory.

This is the slowest of slow burns and it feels exactly like how their story needs to be told.

Who is Gumpa in all this, anyway? Why is he training them but not participating?

The high of victory!

Ooh, Sean and White are sitting on the couch together...

Ok, one thing a love about this is seeing a trans or any visibly queer character I can trust the show will treat them with respect. It's such wonderful and also a relief as a viewer.

Yikes. I was thinking why is he cooperating with the police and then he started to run, lol. Again. Love this building. Feels like a real art school.

Is this cop or whatever kind of bad guy driving product placement car? That would be hilarious and... something.

Oh, probably not the bad guy actually. Probably the artists friend rescuing him. It's still hilarious to see him getting handcuffed against the sponsors car.

God I love all these sets!

Oh wait, that's the artist himself. I forgot what he looked like. And that he had the cop ID card.

Yok you flirt. First's smile is dangerous. But Yok, why are you carrying this man's wallet around with you? Have you been waiting for this very scenario to arise?

Hmm. How are they going to handle this cop romance? I was kinda thinking the ID card was fake.

I'm not so sure about this other guy yet, but First can probably carry their chemistry on his own. His smile! My god.

Yok, you flirt! "Of course you can paint me…” I had to stop and make my terrible gif.

Ok, maybe this INAR actor can keep up.

Halfway through and it seems the romance arcs are starting in earnest. I am pleased with this pacing I think.

I was gonna go to bed but now I gotta see what happens now that Sean pushed his way into White as Black's room.

Also the way Sean (nervously?) fixed his hair though the peephole was adorable.

Episode 8

I love the physicality of all the characters in this. They feel like real people. The way they were slouching on the couch last episode so their jackets rode up. So real. Like I feel like I went to college with these dudes at moments like that.

This scene! The soft warm lighting. The blocking floor bed floor etc. the way they're looking at each other. The way White listens. That story.

Ack so much adorable. The head bonk 🥺 the trust fall

There's content and awww here and I don't know what to write about first because the aww is so cute. And such a relief. The first real softness between them.

Oh but the lying. I'm guessing White doesn't even remember he's lying right now. He means it that he wants to trust and be trusted. But it's kind of ironic considering. Will Sean be mad when I finds out Will it be addressed? I'm somewhat hopeful yes.

Although that last line sounds manipulative so I don't know what to think...

And again all I can say is:

This scene. Tears charcoal intimacy the closeups on their faces so much of the time. Inar actor you've got me convinced. The flirting to start that turns so quickly to intimacy. Yes that makes so much sense he would cry being vulnerable like that to this man of all people. Yok's reaction? To draw first and then comfort without asking questions? I'm very curious about where this regretful cop story will go.

Everybody's spying on everybody. Which is stressful in an activist setting. But fits the enemies to lovers with several twists thing going on. So I don't feel bothered.

Honestly I think simply connecting them to a broader activist community though the rally eased all my anxieties. I don't know if my objections have been/will be solved but I feel better.

Oh yeah, I forgot about my glasses related questions. How had he been seeing this whole time? They never show him putting in contacts, he just removes the glasses and goes. Does he have a very mild prescription? Are the just for fashion? Has he just not been able to see much (seems unlikely).

But anyways, Sean is about to figure something out, we'll see how much...

Lol, ten seconds later there's a contact lens case.

Ok but he took his advice and is trying to bite himself out of those ropes. 🤣

Oh hello mic pack holder. But I honestly do appreciate the actors' commitment to physicality. In this case squirming around on the bed.

They are starting to get sexy together and I like it. I really appreciate the slow development of their chemistry actually. Immediate BAM! is fun, but this fits better for them and their story and is nicely nuanced.

Ooh I love the recall to the first day with him now unthinkingly jumping this same wall.

Dudes. You or someone else should have made a plan for how to protest this lecture. It doesn't even need to have been a good one. But there was this whole street of organizers? And apparently Tawi is the Jeff Bezos of this version of Thailand? So someone would have tried to organize a protest, right? Thai organizing can't be that different, even with a different culture around respect? Or maybe it is???

Like I get this shows Sean's passion and anger but...

Oh forgot their last interaction was Sean leaving White-as-Black tied up.

This really is Only One Bed: The Series. How many different places can she conspire to have them sleep together.

Episode 9

Sex scene tender sweet and hot. Consent communication can be very sexy omg.

This feels very different from any BL sex scene I've seen yet. More real somehow? Why? The intimacy of the tent? The way the are communicating? Maybe because White's anxiety is not about sex but about being intimate while lying about who he is. The hands! The ear bite! Maybe because I haven't seen a bl sex scene get that montage/time lapse editing yet. It was a wonderful way to make it feel like they weren't just fading to black while still not showing a lot. (Which I guess why it's commonly used technique in other film industries lol.)

Did Black wake up because his twin was fucking? I'm not even sure what to think about that. And were the tears his own or transference from White?

That heartbeat convo and the little kiss. It felt so genuinely post coital.

They seem to be transforming from enemies into softest boyfriends ever. Which I think I'm good with.

It felt rushed in a way but then also it didn't. Like there was all this under the surface that suddenly was ready to emerge.

I love how they got a scene with the gayest bridge but it was actually about the decaying pier. Perfect. Although I'm disproportionately annoyed by the impossible leaps.

I'm anxious about this cop boyfriend thing. Which side of the storytelling will win out, bl's hea or activism's acab? Why was he there to rescue Yok?

Ok. Yok may be falling for the dude but at least he's being smart about not revealing their work.

Return sad poignet (probably I meant poignant? I don’t know what I was trying to say though.) amazing acting Gun. The grief of your long lost dead brother staying closed off to you ...

De transformation. Give me my phone. (I have no idea what this comment was supposed to mean.)

Called it! about shady Todd.

And that was all the notes I took. After episode 9 I think I was too overwhelmed by the show and my thoughts about it to write down my reactions.

#not me #not me the series #nuchy anucha boonyawatana #thai pro democracy movement #thai politics #political thoughts #gillianthecat reacts to bl #kind of like liveblogging #activism in media #clearing out my drafts

9 notes · View notes